#I had to find screenshots that were totes their personalities

[avocado-writing]

If you’re still open for prompts, can we get Tav to bring Astarion for shopping, claiming she has no fashion sense, but in truth it’s to make him buy something for himself?

I don’t know if you’ve seen the free cam screenshots, but the inside of Astarion’s test is bleak and messy, and in the lower city camp he’s hanging filthy rags to dry above his tent, like he’s so used to only focusing on his outerwear that he forgot he can actually get himself some nice towels and bedding for personal use.

notes: what a sweet request! i get so many lovely requests for astarion and it's what he deserves tbh.

words: <1k

rating: T

“I’m not sure why you need me to come with you. Apart from because you’re in need of my stellar company, of course,” Astarion sniffs.

“Well, you have the best taste in camp, and I trust you with this sort of thing. Besides, what were you really planning on doing today apart from irritating Gale?”

Astarion makes a show of putting in a bookmark and slamming his novel closed, looking up properly at where you’ve wandered over to him. He pretends to be a bit irked, but he wasn’t really paying attention to the words in front of him anyway - he was too busy sneaking glances up at you as you helped out around the camp. It’s something he’s been doing a lot recently. His eyes are drawn to you. He is drawn to you. Magnetised. 

But that is far too raw-hearted and personal for you to know, so he’s desperately trying to hide his weakness for you beneath a layer of palette-knifed-on apathy. He suspects it isn’t working.

“Come on,” you continue, your pleading too sweet to be ignored, “it won’t take long. I just need to get a couple of bits for my tent, you know, to spruce it up. Please?”

Astarion groans. Secretly, he doesn’t mind. He’d quite enjoy it, actually. But if you know that then you suddenly have power over him, and the idea of letting someone have power over him again, even if it’s you, scares the unlife out of him.

Still, though. When your eyes are buttery-soft and there’s that furrow in your brow which comes with your sincere confusion, he feels his walls being shattered.

“Fine,” he groans, dramatically, “I suppose you do need some help picking out nice things. Let’s head off, then.”

He tries to ignore the way that his heart does a silly little leap when you light up at the idea.

And so, Astarion lets you drag him into Baldur’s Gate. He is once again overwhelmed with how much he missed the city - not during the times with Cazador, of course, but back in his youth, when he was able to stroll about and shop like this under his own free will. When he had a magistrate’s salary and a healthy portion of it could go on things like this, frivolous and fine things. Maybe he is a little bitter at first as you take him store-to-store, but he soon finds himself relaxing into the joy of a spree; when your hand tangles with his he lets you lead him around, quietly revelling in your delight as you leaf through linens and silks.

Your day together becomes a chorus of, “this one or this one?” holding up bedsheets for him to help you decide between, letting him make a lengthy decision as he tests threadcounts against his alabaster fingers. He helps you pick blankets, new soft towels for when you’re able to bathe (a luxury at the moment, but still…) some sweet-scented candles and incense for your tent to cover the smell of dirt caked into you all. 

He suggests lavender. It’s his favourite.

At the end of the day he watches you count out gold onto the final merchant’s counter before taking a heavy woven tote full of your purchases. It feels like a satisfying venture has been had, but he still feels a bit hollow - after all, your hands are full, and his are achingly empty. 

You stop when you clear the doorway back onto the street, and hold the bags to him.

“What? I’m not carrying your things for you. I’m not Karlach!” he says, appalled. You roll your eyes at him.

“I’m not making you my pack mule, Astarion. I doubt you could be - ” he’s about to interject and bite back at that little jab, but you barrel on regardless, “ - they’re a gift. This is all for you.”

He freezes. Blinks. Eyes drop down to the shopping as if it’s a Mimic, waiting for him to let his guard down so that it can eat his arm.

“All for me?”

You nod, and when he doesn’t move to take the handles, you gently open up his fingers like the petals of a flower and deposit them into his palm instead. 

He feels the weight of the new things. Of his new things. He doesn’t know how to respond. His brain feels blank.

“I have money, you know,” he says, partly defending himself against your kindness, and partly against the idea that you might think he’s in need of charity. You sigh and cross your arms, a sure sign of not taking any of his nonsense right now.

“I know, and I am perfectly capable of giving you a gift because I think you deserve one. There is no trick here, Astarion. I just thought you should have a couple of new bits because you barely buy them for yourself. You’re allowed to have nice things, you know.”

Ah. That hurts him a bit, not because you’re being unkind, but because maybe you’re being truthful. His hands became used to a needle and thread by candlelight, to tiny neat stitches done with such precision it was difficult to notice that anything he mended was ever damaged at all. But he does not live that life any more. He can open himself to the possibility of being pampered again.

He likes that idea.

He retracts his arms, clutching the shopping to his body, as if he’s afraid that you’ll change your mind. You smile at him so brightly that he feels as if you are the sun.

“...Thank you,” he manages, eventually.

“Any time,” you say, and he knows you mean that.

taglist: @ghosti02art @sadandanxiouswtf @yeethaw13 @trappedinlimbo15 @infinitely-kate @dhampling @wereallbrokenangels @tilldeathdonugget @hopeful-n-sad

[advisinghat56]

New Crane Wives Merch!

+ My thoughts on it. + "Wolves" Shirt Review.

Also, this is a little long.

Obviously I'll start with the CD- Looks cool! I bought it when the album dropped. This was out before this merch drop, but I figured I'd throw it in too.

There is also a digital download, but I didn't take a screenshot of it because the product photos are the same. I'm surprised they didn't change the CD photos when they updated almost everything else on the website, including the website. At least they didn't change the product urls, those are funny. (Go look at them)

Beyond Beyond Beyond Release Show Poster- Looks nice, might buy it. A screenprinted poster sounds cool, and I like to stare at artwork, but I don't know if I want one for a show I didn't go to. There's also no dimensions listed.

I've never seen these in person, but I've seen the plum ones in person and... they don't look that good. The plum ones looked super thin (in the bad way), and the vinyl decoration looked weird on the fabric. I also vehemently dislike vinyl decals on anything, they're super smooth and just look bad. These hoodies are also my least-favorite fabric ever, being made of fleece.

But they sold out like, less than halfway through the show so that's cool.

I really appreciate the new product photos instead of just the product mockup.

I have this! The print on the front is nice and soft, but I just got this a few months ago so it hasn't had that much wear and tear. I'm still sad that there are no dates on the back.

I figure I should mention that I have never put this in a dryer, and it also gets washed inside out with other whites.

The shirt is 100% cotton, which is nice. However, it is as thin as it looks in the product listing.

So the 2023 tour shirt was taken down from the site a month or two ago, but I found these two photos while looking for pictures of the Beyond Beyond Beyond Release Show Poster. They must be in the bowels of the website but still able to be scraped by Google's image search. Cool.

But the fact that they are still in there is really funny.

I know the reason that my 2024 tour shirt doesn't have dates on the back is because of how long the 2023 tour shirts took to sell out. Even the $15 misprints took forever. (Well, kinda. The mediums sold out long before the smalls did.)

Ok, I know this isn't new. This shirt has been on the website for a while, and will likely be there for a while, too. It's popular for a good reason. It sold out at my show.

Actually, a lot of things sold out at my show. Out of the Plum Hoodie, the 2024 Tour T-Shirt, the Wolves T-Shirt, the Phoenix Hoodie, and the Tote Bag (I could see the merch stand from my perch), the only things that didn't sell out were the 2024 Tour T-Shirt (The only concert exclusive there) and the Phoenix T-Shirt.

The real reason it's on this list is because I bought this shirt in December 2023, was going to make a post about it, and then decided to wait, and then I never did.

When I first purchased this shirt, I was nervous about it as the only thing I could find about the material content was that it was a "Bella + Canvas triblend. (In writing this post I realized it says "triblend" and not "blend". Yes you can find the material content on a Bella + Canvas triblend, although you have to go onto the Bella + Canvas website and click on the triblend listing, so it's not that easy. I thought it said "blend" and that Bella + Canvas was the name of the blend, looked it up, and got confused.)

A Bella + Canvas triblend is 50% polyester, 25% cotton, and 25% rayon. I did not know this, and I would not have bought this shirt if I had known this.

The print is pretty nice, I haven't noticed any cracking. The thin lines of the design would hide it well if there was any cracking, but there isn't. Cool.

Once again, I have never put this shirt in the dryer, and I wash it inside out on cold.

The shirt doesn't feel the best, it's tolerable but not my favorite texturally. I'm also not a "soft" person, this just feels like exercise clothes to me. The shirt is also pilling super badly due to the material content. My 3-4 year old 50% polyester 50% cotton NASA T-Shirt that I wash right side out and threw it in the dryer on high with a dryer sheet (Back when I used the dryer, everything's hang-dry only now) is less pilled than this very new T-Shirt.

Anyways I hope you liked reading this, if there's anything I recommend it's the CDs and the pins, and probably the poster too. Everything they've had printed looks nice. The vinyl's probably alright too, but I don't like vinyl so I don't know. I also recommend their Patreon! It's got song demos!

[ashadowofburnedoutstardust]

Hello all

Now this is speculative as I'm not entirely sure how this connects but it's also part of what I went through while being hacked

I had already downloaded "Tales of Wind" at this point which would not download properly, when it did my phone screen appeared to show me a restart screen

Have a look at one of the accounts that followed me on Twitter while my phone was being taken over

I tried to delete my twitter account during this process and Twitter asked me to add a biometric lock to my phone via my thumbprint and use that to confirm the deletion of my account which is weird due to the fact I do not even have any passcode on my phone due to previously having my old phone remotely locked that way previously

The link in bio leads you to a porncam video site, you'll note that this particular twitter account claims to be from Manchester

There was another account following me at the same time that claimed in their location to be from Connecticut that also had a link in the bio that also led to a completely different "Live" Porncam site

You may remember my PayPal screenshot

That top purchase was made to this Bongacams site

On this site the "talent" was referred to as Adult Service Providers in the terms and conditions that I found thanks to the talented help of an online support person in the help chat named "Paul"

One of the names of the profiles I recognised as Karolina whose username was KarolinaQueen

Some of you may remember the Karolina on twitter that doxxed Regina, I have no idea if these people just have a sick sense of humour or what any of it means

As I've said before, I fell down a rabbit hole I never intended to

I found the use of the acronym used in the terms & conditions a bit odd given it matches up with another known acronym A Starting Point, and the fact that 🐟 apparently has a past (I've only seen the website with the clips as directed to by someone on LSA who claimed they did not want UTA knowing how they worked)

The LSA user also had some odd claims to the man's tastes and was the person that directed me to the Lionscap site where you can find the graphic clips of 🐟 in some interesting scenes and had claims of Netflix's involvement in sending girls around for reasons other than acting, these claims are from someone else but I have provided the screenshots of what I was sent, take it with the grain of salt it deserves, but this is some of the types of stuff I've been told over the past year in my DMs on various platforms

I have no idea of what the truth of this is, it's as weird to me as the next person to hear, I don't have any connections to any of the industries concerned at all, I'm literally a random that was on a gossip forum that spent their spare time picking apart just how bad the PR strategy/trolling from 🐟 was while I was being messed with by other people

Bonus fact: the user Brighamsbabe sent me a tote bag from England and has my address also claimed to work at The Gray Man Premiere in London, I'm not the only one who received one of these tote bags

I told this user the address was a friend's and that I actually owned the house they were renting, I do not, I said this as a safety precaution because strangers on the internet

I later had people show up at my house trying to locate my landlord by a civil engineering company linked to a law firm whose Instagram page had followed me and was watching my stories, a law firm which ironically seems to register and deregister every month, whose IG page only began in January and had the same initials as my LSA username

Make of that what you will, personally it scares me

People seem to think that the Chris Evans fandom has gone insane, the truth is we've been having this sort of information and worse being tossed around in gossip sites, discord chats, and anons

It feels like an organised smear campaign to me???

I have no idea what this man gets up to in his life, but apparently since people are watching me right now I'm going to let a few things out about what has been floating around and what the fandom and some like myself have been faced with

CandyLove and her scam are nothing compared to the last year or so

It's been literal psychological warfare trolling on a mass scale on multiple platforms

This is part of what I meant when I said it's far bigger than just CandyLove and her Gofundme

More tomorrow 🙏

💜🪽🌟

[smolpocketmonstercoffee]

My Canon DAI OCs

Now that DAI is working on my laptop, I’m gonna show you the characters that I have! I’ll do proper bios for them later, but let’s start off with!!!!

Aetherius Lavellan (née Alerion)

Previously a member of the Alerion clan, the Lavellan clan healer, and most recent development is Herald of Andraste.

Don’t let his surly looks fool you, he’s a total softy.

More under the cut

Suledin Lavellan

Hunter for the Lavellan clan and self-appointed bodyguard to Aetherius.

Don’t let her innocent looks fool you, she has no problem turning anyone into a pincushion for saying a single wrong word.

Elyia “Whistler” Amell

One of Ferelden’s rebel circle mages.

Soft spoken and shy, she wishes nothing more than for a peaceful life.

Shanedan

Vashoth Ex-Mercenary, turned to a more honorable job of being a city guard, decently ranked despite being a Qunari, before the destruction of the Conclave caught the attention off all southern Thedas.

Calm and serious, this Vashoth holds onto both fear and hope in equal measure.

Assan

Shanedan’s younger sister, she does almost everything Shanedan does abide with a bit less professionalism. She barely maintained a low rank in the city guard before the Conclave’s destruction.

Wild as horses and strong as one too!

Erik Hoffka

A bounty hunter who was once raised as a Disciple of Andraste before the Blight. He’s rarely found very far from his four mabari, two wolves, and one hart.

There’s a lot of things Erik’s done in his life and still a lot more he’s willing to try.

Asaarande Adaar

Archivist and Scholar, Tal-Vashoth and now a loyal member of the Orlesian Circle who wishes for nothing more than order and organization.

Silver-tongued and sharp-witted, this imposing woman never hesitates to speak her mind, however, duty always comes first.

[mythicalcanary-literature]

FanFiction - Crossing the Stars

Hetalia (c) Hidekaz Himaruya

FTL: Faster Than Light (c) Subset Games

[CHAPTER LIST]

Author’s Note: This FanFiction is a crossover between the sci-fi strategy game ‘FTL: Faster Than Light’ by Subset Games and the manga/anime called ‘Hetalia’ by Hidekaz Himaruya. The story will follow closely to the events of the rougue-like gameplay in FTL and the human characters will be replaced with the human versions of the national personifications in ‘Hetalia’. This is a fun personal project and it requires no knowledge of either fandom to enjoy this story. I’d encourage checking the original sources out though! Use of screenshots in this FanFiction are to supplement the storytelling to help plot the course of our heroes’ journey in the universe. Whatever the outcome of the gameplay I base this story on (as each playthrough is very unique) will be translated into the plot of this story. i.e. If the spaceship gets damaged, it gets damaged in the story. If a character dies in the game, they’re dead in this fiction. (Please note that I find this kind of storytelling entertaining to play/write and I plan to do more in the future if time allows!)

Chapter 1

The Federation was struggling with the advancing Rebel fleet. One lone ship carried some vital information that could turn the tides of the war and the Federation allied Star Ship APH was going to be their champion.

At the helm was Captain Alfred Jones, a spry young American whom fit the Golden Boy persona to a tee. Sure, he wore square-rimmed glasses but he was still awesome. Don’t let his cute blue-eyed, blond haired, ripped body mislead you! He had the courage to lead his crew to the very end. He was the youngest of his crew and had a Hero Complex but his heart helped him to make some decent moral choices.  His friends might disagree and say that his Hero Complex leads to some very immoral choices, but how could he be wrong? He’s great!

Stationed at weapons was his best friend from the academy called Arthur Kirkland. He was an officer from England and was keen to aid in an international project. Arthur was rather lean in build with messy blond hair that matched his sassy personality. His piercing emerald eyes held a wisdom beyond his years. He was tasked with weaponry because of his strategic skills and fearless judgement. Unfortunately his friends and colleagues often made fun of him for his bushy eyebrows, apparent inability to cook, and his obsession with the occult.

Last but not least was the Frenchman Francis Bonnefoy, a flamboyant friend of Arthur’s and on-and-off enemy of his. Much like Alfred, don’t let his looks fool you! Francis’ long, golden hair, sea blue eyes and wispy blond beard could charm many but he was a calculated thinker. He graduated with flying colours in engineering, which is why he was manning the FTL (Faster Than Light) Drive in the engine room.

The blond trio were in their twenties, young and wise together. If they could avoid their normal bickering maybe they would survive this after all!

“This is the awesome Captain Jones speakin’! Get your butts over to the Bridge, we need to figure out where we’re goin’,” the voice on the PA system called in a chirpy American accent.

“We’re already here, dipshit,” Arthur countered as he and Francis joined him on deck. “We’ve best be quick about this, the Rebel fleet is gaining speed.” He pulled up the Beacon Map on screen and surveyed their options. “Unfortunately we have no data on the properties of each beacon towards the exit into the next sector, but hopefully we can acquire that as we go along. The faster we get to the exit the better, our mission is too important to mess around.”

Alfred was sipping some coffee. “Psh, who’s messin’? I won’t lead you dudes astray! Hero’s promise!”

Francis sighed. “Let’s avoid battles if we can, ze stress gives me wrinkles.”

“We’re in a civilian sector! How bad could it be?”

Arthur glared at him. “You’ve best be joking. This area will be littered with Rebel scouts. We need to get a move on.”

Alfred dumped his coffee cup in the rubbish bin and winked. “Fine. Back to your stations! Off to our first stop! Warp us there, Francis!”

“Aye, sir,” Francis responded as they all returned to their posts.

The S.S. APH warped to the next beacon. If they were expecting a calming tour of space they were greatly mistaken. Alfred’s voice carried over the announcement system. “Hey, y’all! We have a hostile Rebel Scout attacking a small refuelling outpost here. That’s totes uncool so we’re gonna kick their asses! Kirkland, fire up the weapons! Try out our Burst Laser II on their weapons!”

“Aye, Captain! Locked on and charging.”

The small ship was quick with a laser drone circling the S.S. APH. An alert blared. “Shields took a hit!” Alfred informed them quickly. “Just an ion blast, it’ll be back online soon, stay at your posts!”

Francis’ voice joined him on the announcement channel. “The drone knocked out our door controls!”

“That’s alright, I destroyed their weapons room,” Arthur chipped in confidently.

“Good work, Artie!” Alfred cheered. “Lock on the drones now.”

“Roger that!”

The ship shook and Alfred’s voice called out in concern. “Yo, Francis? Are you okay? The shields are back online but it says the engines got hit.”

“I’m fine, mon ami! Minor damage to ze FTL Drive, I’m working on a fix. I’m not hurt.”

Arthur switched focus from the enemy drones to the helm. He cursed as he saw that the interior scan of the enemy vessel had repaired their weapons in the time his lasers charged. Luckily, his final few attacks took out the scout and they could safely proceed. He sighed with relief. “Danger has passed, let’s pull in the loot.”

Alfred congratulated them over the announcement system. “Well done, dudes! Artie, join me in the door room. We’re not moving on until that system is running again.”

“On my way!”

Francis kept an eye on the FTL charge as his friends repaired the door functions.

Arthur hummed as he replaced some fried wires and Alfred ran the diagnostics. Oddly enough, they didn’t chat the entire time. It was nice working together. “Alright, let’s get back to our posts. Who knows how many of these automated ships are lurking?”

“Just don’t lead us into a black hole or something.”

“Hahahaha! Noted.”

Back on the Bridge, Alfred pulled up his upgrades panel. They had enough scrap to give them a new edge. He grinned as he added an extra unit of power to their reactor and instructed the Frenchman to monitor the upgrade. He also treated himself to a more slick piloting upgrade. Having auto pilot help him to dodge attacks with a fifty percent advantage was too amazing to pass up! “I’m gonna jump to the next beacon. Hold on to your asses!”

The crew warped into the aftermath of a battle. The battlefield was littered with debris from Federation ships and Rebels alike. Their allies had been sadly outnumbered but it was clear they fought valiantly and Captain Jones respected that. He began performing a more detailed scan of the wreckage when his sensors picked up an enemy ship. He gasped and switched on the comms. “To battle stations! We have a Rebel Disrupter in our vicinity!”

The orange spaceship faced the S.S. APH head-on and momentarily knocked out the shields, just in time for the orbiting drone to shoot their door systems.

“Why do they always target our doors?” Francis complained over the communications system. “It’s hardly a vital system.”

“I think it was potluck,” Arthur answered as his return fire knocked out the enemy weapons. “Got the weapons room! I’m going to knock out that drone and then alternate. I wouldn’t put it past them to begin repairs.”

“As you are, Kirkland!” Alfred chimed in as he kept an eye on the enemy movements from the helm. They made quick work of this battle and reaped the rewards. “Good job. You know the drill, Artie. Gotta get those door systems online again. Meet me there.”

“Aye, sir!”

The next beacon jump was nothing special. Beautiful, but nothing interesting. Francis stared out of his nearby airlock windows to view the dancing binary star before they warped to the next point.

“I’m gonna do a triangular-shaped loop here, dudes. I detect a merchant nearby and I wanna see what they have,” Captain Jones announced to his crew.

“Don’t let us get caught by the Rebels, Alfred!” Arthur’s voice warned him.

“They’re not close enough yet. We’ll be fine. We can’t risk running low on supplies and if we can get this hull fixed that would be great.”

“Good point. Carry on.”

The next jump led them to a destroyed space station. Alfred had reservations about this as life signs could be detected onboard. He bit his lip and weighed up the options of investigating. On the one hand, if he could recruit a new member that would be useful! Although he was well aware that doing these kind of investigations could risk damage to his current crew’s lives. After a moment of hesitation he decided not to risk his friends. They collected miscellaneous debris to repurpose for their own mission and jumped them to the next beacon.

The crew assembled on the Bridge to witness the hails of a Rock Scout. The Rockmen were a powerful race but these aliens seemed to be relatively friendly. “Hey, this is Captain Alfred F. Jones of the Federation Star Ship APH. How can we be of service today, my dudes?”

Arthur stared at his friend unhappily. “You could use proper English, idiot. Did you learn nothing from etiquette lessons when dealing with foreign entities?”

“There was nothin’ wrong with my lingo, Artie! Don’t make me pull rank.”

“Insufferable git.”

The Rockman Captain simply stared at these weird humans before gaining their attention. “We could really use some help.”

Alfred saluted. “How can we help?”

“Our FTL navigation system is shot. Can you help us to a nearby station for them to patch us up?”

“Sure thing, rock friend! I’m receiving your fuel down payment right now and I’ll key in the co-ordinates you sent.”

“Thank you. We will be one step behind you, following your jump signatures.”

Francis beamed at his Captain as their communications shut off with their neutral acquaintance. “That was very kind of you, Alfred!”

The American beamed. “If we can help anyone in distress on the way we damn well will! We’re still gonna do our planned route unless we’re forced to change direction, but those Rebel scumbags ain’t gonna take all of us down.”

Francis patted him on the back and returned to his post. Arthur shook his head. “I wish you’d let me deal with the foreign comms once in a while, Alfred, but you did well. I’m heading back to weapons. Try to get our hull fixed at the shop.”

The next jump led them to an outpost that certainly had merchants selling some wares! Arthur and Francis volunteered to be the away party as Alfred kept an eye on the advancing enemy fleet from the Bridge. Their tailing Rockmen friends also spent a bit of time gathering resources for the journey ahead.

Aware of the encroaching danger and their limited supply of scrap to trade for goods, the European representatives agreed that they should spend all of it on an Advanced FTL Navigation Augmentation that would allow them to leap to any previously visited beacon in one hop no matter the distance and the rest of the scrap was allocated to hull repairs. They promptly beamed back on deck and installed their new augment and checked with the Rockmen to make sure that they were ready to follow.

The S.S. APH jumped back the way they came and immediately leapt to the subsequent beacon. It was a tough decision because they had to completely ignore a distress call. The Rebel fleet was advancing far too quickly, they had to put as much distance between them as possible. Alfred felt terrible but his crew and the Rockmen following them depended on forward thinking. There was no helping those in distress right now.

“Rebel transport ship detected!” Captain Jones announced on the communications system. “It doesn’t seem to wanna fight but we can’t take risks. Plus we need the scrap, we’re kinda poor right now.”

“Engaging weapons, Captain!” Arthur replied, powering up the Burst Laser II to lock onto their weapons room. He was going to target the drones next as those little bastards were a pain to deal with.

“CANCEL THAT INTERACTION, KIRKLAND! ATTACK THEIR ENGINES, THEY’RE GONNA JUMP AND WARN THE FLEET!”

“Fuck, really?! Alright, locking both the lasers and missiles onto their FTL Drive!”

It was a tense moment as their weapons warmed up and as they celebrated decimating the enemy FTL Drive, a missile hit their own engines.

“ENGINES, DAMAGE REPORT!” Captain Jones cried.

“Ze bastards damaged ze FTL Drive. I’m working on a fix but my head…”

“Focus, Bonnefoy. You can heal after we destroy these idiots!” Arthur chipped in urgently. He switched the lasers to focus on the Rebel weapons room whilst keeping their Artemis missile locked on the enemy engines.

An explosion rocked the Bridge and Alfred coughed through the smoke. “Dammit, they’re breaking my controls. Kirkland, finish this now.” He gritted his teeth as he repaired the system damage. His wrist was pretty sore but nothing too dire.

“Aye, Captain!”

Fortunately, the battle was over with soon after and repairs could be finished to both the engines and the piloting systems. Jones and Bonnefoy met up in the medbay to heal their injuries before moving on. It was becoming clear how dangerous this mission was.

Back on the Bridge, Alfred instructed his crew that to get to the quest marker they needed to enter a nebula. Nebula zones were always risky as they knocked out sensors but they could also be beneficial in slowing down the enemy fleet. “We’re heading to the nebula. Be prepared for anything! Warp ahead, Bonnefoy!”

This felt like a mistake. Nebulas can be rather peaceful but today was not their day! A plasma storm was active so not only were their sensors dead but their reactor was crippled to half-capacity. The crew was in a mild panic trying to figure out what systems were down as a Rebel automated scout swooped in to cause them hell.

“GUYS, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. SEVERAL PROBLEMS,” Alfred yelled through the communications system.

“No shit!” Arthur shot back as he examined the diagnostics from his post. “Our oxygen isn’t powered, we’ll suffocate!”

“Heat up the weapons, Artie, we have company! I’ll divert power from the medbay to the oxygen room!”

“SHIELDS ARE DOWN AND THEY HAVE A DRONE!” Francis cried from the engine room. “We’re sitting ducks!”

“Divert ALL power from engines to the shields NOW!”

“Aye!”

“I’m locked on their weapons, Captain!” Arthur informed them. “The shield is holding off the drone, thank God.”

“Fire on that and then the drone. Destroy it as quickly as possible.”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.”

Thankfully the battle was over swiftly. Shaken and worried, Alfred gave the order to drop the shields and restore power to the FTL Drive. They would drop off their Rockmen friends at the next beacon and make their way to the exit.

“Approaching the quest marker,” Captain Jones announced keeping the ship steady, ready for a break. “I’ll inform our little convoy back there.”

“Can one ship in addition to ours really be considered a convoy?” Francis responded contemplatively.

He didn’t receive an answer as the Rockmen’s ship zoomed away without warning and Alfred flipped the Red Alert siren. “AGH! IT’S A TRAP! How could they? We trusted them!” He turned on the power to all systems after they were clear of the plasma storm and glared at the Rebel Disrupter ship. How dare they! HOW. DARE. THEY.

Ignoring the possible melodrama his best friend was stewing in, Arthur had already locked their weapons on the Rebel weapons and drones with their Burst Laser II and the Artemis missile. DIRECT HIT! That’s getting business taken care of. He disabled the Artemis and focused the laser onto enemy shields. He needed no consultation on this strategy, they would not be made fools of! With the shields down and the enemies focused on repairing the damage he dealt to the drones, he fired once again at the weapons room. The Rebel scum would not get a say in this!

VICTORY! The crew celebrated briefly as they collected the remains of their enemy vessel.

“Let’s get the hell outta here,” Alfred urged, turning them towards the next beacon. “I don’t want to try my luck with another one of these guys.”

“We can make it to ze Exit Beacon in two jumps, Captain!” Francis informed him over the comms. “With ze Rebels gaining ground we shouldn’t take anymore detours.”

“Agreed, buddy! Full speed ahead!”

The Rebels were determined to control this star system! The subsequent beacon greeted them with another Rebel Rigger patrol. It stood between them and the exit. This could not be tolerated.

“I’m way ahead of you, Captain!” Arthur called over the communications. “I’ve locked on their weapons and drone rooms. I’ll target their FTL Drive afterwards, we can’t let them get away to inform the Rebel fleet of our location.”

“Show no mercy, Kirkland!”

“Aye, sir!”

Direct hits!

“The enemy is powering up it’s FTL Drive!” Alfred informed them urgently. “This could be bad!”

The landed hits on the enemy vessel weren’t enough to destroy the hull and the Rebels were an inch from jumping out of reach. Fortune dealt them an unexpected hand, though.

Alfred opened up the screen to receive a hail from the Rebel Rigger Captain. “Captain Jones speaking. Stop right there!”

The enemy Captain scowled but offered a metaphorical white flag. “The day is yours! Show us your honour by allowing us to leave with our lives.”

This was a very fragile situation. The enemy hull was weak but their FTL Drive was primed to jump any second. There would be no time to stop them unless they agreed to a truce. Alfred growled in frustration but knew there was no choice. “Kirkland, cease fire! We’re entering a truce.”

“What? Um, okay?” came Arthur’s puzzled response. There was probably a good reason to cease fire so he complied. He would demand answers later.

Captain Jones accepted the supplies from the Rebel Rigger and the enemy did not warp away. Phew, that was a close one. The advancing enemy fleet would not gain speed on them.

Tense, Alfred called a meeting on the Bridge. He turned to his crewmates gravely. “We’re getting real lucky with these battles, our damage has been minimal. With Rebels so close to our Exit Beacon we need to be ready for a possible interception between us and the warp point. Don’t let your guard down and we’ll decide which sector to head to next once the coast is clear.”

Arthur nodded and returned to the weapons room without any answers, but he didn’t need them. It was clear they were in trouble and Alfred made a solid judgement call. He would be ready to defend.

Francis remained by Alfred’s side as they made the final jump to the Exit Beacon.

There was an asteroid field not far from their destination. They decided to risk navigating it for some materials that would help them in the next sector. Luck truly was not on their side as asteroids violently knocked down their shields and damaged their hull!

“Fire in ze portside airlocks, Captain!” Francis cried.

“I’ll open the airlocks to extinguish it. Everyone meet me in shields! We’ll repair and move on!”

Once that crisis was averted, the crew met up to decide where to go next.

Would they jump to the Engi Controlled area, or the Zoltan Controlled area? Both were civilian sectors but carried their own unique risks.

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT SECTOR...

Chapter 1 - END

[CHAPTER LIST]

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[Cover Art] This image was drawn in HB pencil and painted in watercolour paints on the 8th August 2021. It was digitally enhanced in GIMP Image Editor on the 9th August 2021. Paper type = 130 gsm 

This chapter was written on the 8th August 2021.

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Please do not repost, modify, resell or claim this work as your own.

(Reblogging is fine, though!)

[Mythical Canary Info]

[fanaticfangirl001]

Like Real People Do Ch 3: Ex- Best Friends

Author's note: Oof don't hate me guys.

@kissofvenom922

@p3nny4urth0ught5

Winnie carries her laptop to the kitchen and sets it down on the bar. Grabbing the eggs for her omelet, she resumes the footage captured from a small drone nicknamed “Red Wing”. She cracks an egg one handed into the bowl then another. For an Avenger Falcon doesn’t really have the best cyber-security on his drone. Maybe she would get the chance to fix that if she ever did meet him. She dices onions and bits of ham when Redwing spots a warehouse just outside of a heavily wooded area. Satisfied with the few screenshots of the area and a geotag, Winnie mixes the eggs and toppings for her omelet together. As she cooks the eggs, Winnie sprinkles in generous amounts of cheese. She sighs and dials the new number on her phone.

As she waits for the recipient to pick up Winnie sits at her dining room table and starts eating her breakfast.

“Hi, Is this Joaquin Torres, don’t panic. I’m the security breach. I work with a formerly avenger adjacent super powered individual. “Winnie greets.

“Uh yes,who are you and who is your super powered individual?” Joaquin asks, trying to keep her on the phone to track her location.

“Call me W, and um Bucky Barnes.” Winnie answers carefully stabbing a piece of egg.

“The Winter Soldier? Joaquin zero ins on the IP address, placing her in Sweden.

“He’s not that person anymore.”Winnie adds.

“Your IP address puts you in Sweden, something tells me you're not Swedish. “Joaquin smirks.

“I like Swedish soap operas, I can’t very well get them here.” Winnie laughs.

“VPN, that’s smart. Joaquin says.

“Thank you.” Winnie can’t help but be a little charmed by this man. There’s something about his voice.

“ I’m almost a little impressed. “ Joaquin admits.

“ Would you be impressed if I said I’m watching Red Wing.” Winnie gloats

“ You hacked into Sam’s tech. He’s not gonna like that. “ Joaquin warns.

“Not maliciously, I just need a few questions answered.” Winnie defends herself.

“ Shoot. “ Joaquin replies.

“What are the flag smashers after?”Winnie asks.

“They think the world was better during the blip.” Joaquin answers with the few bits of information he has.

“But why? I’m also trying to figure out why they pin their location, after a few hours it disappears but I’ve saved a few on my map. No real pattern, just places where people need help. Could be anywhere after returning.” Winnie questions.

“That’s the million dollar question. I’m meeting with Sam on Friday.” Joaquin adds, “ Red Wing as you can see found something in Munich.

“Hotspot of activity.” Winnie muses.

“Bingo.” Joaquin snaps his fingers.

“ It’ll be hard to convince Buck,” Winnie pauses then adds,” But if worst comes to worst I’ll go by myself. Ex-shield after all. “

“You were with S.H.I.E.L.D Like Peggy Carter, S.H.I.E.L.D. ?” Joaquin asks, shocked.

“Or Clint Barton, Or Natasha Romanoff.” Winnie names a few more.

“Woah.” Joaquin says.

“See you Friday.” Winnie ends the call.

Winnie sighs and puts the plate in the sink to wash later. If she’s going to Munich on Friday, she’ll need her old gear. She walks to her room and digs through the closet until she pulls out a large waterproof rubber bin. It’s everything she took when she left S.H.I.E.L.D. Winnie pulls off the tote’s lid and takes out the top most piece of clothing. The tactical overalls, a pair of black bullet proof overalls with several pockets along the front and back, including two gun holsters on each side, a place to hold a lightweight enforced steel whip: another invention of her’s.

She sets the overalls aside, and opens a small box. Inside is a tactical ring. The ring itself has a sharp side to be used in a fight, it contains a small piece of flint for fire starting, a compass, and a vial of poison. The buzzing and vibrating of her phone pulls her out of the going through the box. Another text from Sharon, Winnie deletes it without reading. She puts on the ring and remembers her first mission with Sharon. It was a simple gun smuggler recovery. The two worked together perfectly. Sisters from different misters, was constantly used to describe the two. After a few years of missions, Winnie noticed the acknowledgement and accomplishments were awarded to Sharon. Sharon is the niece of the afamed Peggy Carter, it made sense that she would be praised but it slowly began to chip away at her. The worst had to be after the medal of honor ceremony only a few years ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Flash back)

“The Secretary of Defense would like to bestow the medal of honor to Sharon Carter, for the retrieval and restoration of several Hydra communications. Without these SHIELD and Captain America would not be able to capture the rogue hydra base in the warehouse in Rhode Island.” Director Fury states.

The Secretary of Defense pins the medal on Sharon’s lapel as the room abrupts into thunderous applause. Winnie watches from the sideline with a polite glass of champagne, she doesn’t drink but will certainly toast a friend, even if the saving the file and decoding was all her. Sharon just served as her cover during the mission. She takes a deep breath and pushes those thoughts down. She’s here to celebrate her friend’s accomplishment. Winnie looks around to find Sharon at the after party being held for her.

“Winnie,” Sharon hugs her, “ Do you want to get some drinks with us and some of the guys from research?”

“I don’t drink, you know that.” Winnie lets go of her.

“Lighten up, you’ve been burning the candle at both ends. “Sharon insists.

“I like the work.” Winnie shrugs.

“Fine, you’ll get out of drinks this time, but get some sleep tonight.” Sharon says before being dragged off by a group of guys.

“I will. I promise.” Winnie shouts to her before leaving for the apartment.

(End flash back)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the ceremony Winnie put in a request to change divisions. Director Fury accepted the change to Research and Development. The next thing she pulls out of her box are the rocket boots. Many of Winnie’s inventions became the punchline of all the research and Development department’s jokes. The Rocket Boots, were the most egregious. As the Avengers developed, because of the hostile working environment they’re gear stayed relatively the same. No innovations made with the gear from Winnie’s perspective. She did try to design weapons for Sharon but that didn’t go well either.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Flash back)

“Sharon, you have to see this.” Winnie insists dragging Sharon to the training room.

“ Winnie, this is the first time you’ve been excited about something, what is it?” Sharon asks letting herself be dragged.

“This.” Winnie pulls out from her back, a light weight steel whip.

“A whip?” Sharon’s eyebrows narrow.

“Yeah, it’s lightweight steel and with a little extra training.” Winnie starts rambling about the implications.

“Winnie. Focus. I need practical weapons...like guns.”

“Okay practical. I got you. What about this?” Winnie holds a small metal sphere.

“What is it?”

“I call it a black out bomb, it short circuits and fries electrical systems in a surrounding area.” Winnie explains then adds “ This could help take down so many Hydra bases quicker.”

“There’s not a problem with our speed.” Sharon says.

“Well no, I just thought this would be safer.” Winnie shrugs starting to shut down.

“Anything else?” Sharon asks.

“Taser grenade.” Winnie suggests.

“No.” Sharon says.

“Dagger boomerangs.” Winnie suggests, this time almost hopeful.

“No.” Sharon’s voice is flat and annoyed.

“Rocket boots.” Winnie holds up the boots.

“No.”

“But the boots, “ Winnie shakes the boots.

(End of Flashback)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Winnie gently puts down all her personalized weapons in their respective pockets in the overalls. She puts the boots by the door, knowing they will be the most useful. She’ll show the world just how great her own inventions can be. Winnie looks down at her phone, another text from Sharon sits unanswered. She sighs and deletes it once again, still hurt from the ending of their friendship.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Flash Back)

Winnie looks over her shoulder in the Research lab and relaxes when she realizes everyone else is out to lunch and or working out. She sets up her laptop and begins a bit of light reading on a newly created file that was just out of her clearance level. She squints reading the money transactions and leadership positions. Is this some sort of bribery or hush money. Winnie dives deeper and downloads the files. There’s no way this is possible. Hydra has infiltrated Shield.

Winnie quickly types out a letter of resignation and emails it to the office of Director Fury. She takes her flash drive and laptop to the apartment to show Sharon.

“ I have something to tell you, but you can’t ask how i know.” Winnie runs in the apartment and locks the door behind her.

“Woah, calm down! That’s an awful way of introducing something.” Sharon raises a hand in front of her.

“ Yeah well it’s bad news.” Winnie takes a few breaths.

“ Shoot.” Sharon says sitting down.

“Hydra is in SHIELD.” Winnie blurts out.

“How do you know this?” Sharon asks in shock.

“ I can’t tell you. You’ll be in danger if you know. Hell, I’m probably in danger right now.” Winnie rambles getting more anxious.

“I need some proof. Give me your laptop.” Sharon insists on trying to take the laptop.

“No! They’ll kill me and you. I can’t show you, just trust me.” Winnie holds her laptop closer to her.

“You sound paranoid and on edge.

“Sharon, just trust me. I’m not making it up. I saw contracts and money transactions.”

“Winnie, when’s the last time you’ve gotten a full eight hours.

“That’s not important. I know what I saw.

“Winnie, what do you want me to do?

“I want you to believe me so we can save the damn Sharon Show.

“ The what?

“I-I didn’t mean that, I meant SHIELD.”

“Is that really what you think about SHIELD?

“You can’t say I’m wrong. I’m just as good an agent as you are, and whenever we get back it’s like I don’t exist.”

“Is this about the medal of honor?”

“No it’s not but you told me to get the files and you covered my back. I got the files, and restored them. You got the credit for saving and restoring the files. Your manicured hands never touched a laptop. It took me a week straight of decoding.”

“ Winnie, you’re overreacting. SHIELD is safe.

“I put in my resignation. I’m not staying to get killed and watch this ship sink.

“Okay here’s my theory, I can’t tell you why but maybe you’re the Hydra traitor.”

“Fuck you!” Winnie screams at her while packing quickly. “I spent five years working alongside you, and you think I’d do that! I’m leaving. Call me when you’re not a bitch!”

In Winnie’s fast paced packing she left her flash drive with the evidence with Sharon. Everyday after Sharon found out Winnie was right, she carried around that flash drive just for the off chance that she could return it to her ex-friend.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

26. I Hate This Fandom, and I Hate All of You

I absolutely stole this line from an old friend in the Glee fandom, because it’s one that I think about EVERY TIME a fandom gets on my nerves, much the way that even this fandom does and in particular Simon stans. Idk what to tell y’all if y’all feel some type of way... be better people. ANYWHO! Shoutout to my friend for a quote that still means a lot to me 10 years later. Word Count: 4119

Previous

There was a lot of buzz surrounding the mini vacation for Simon’s birthday. Their families were together in Belize. Simon’s photos only reflected Simon either being with Grace and Hazel on the trip, or Grace. For the type to hyperfixate and go through everyone’s pages, they could find entire group photos and stuff on Mr. Laurent’s and Mrs. Monroe’s pages as Mr. Monroe didn’t have social media and Mrs. Laurent’s wasn’t sophisticated (inspirational quotes and recipes and DIYs that she was never going to actually try). Simon’s selected photos always looked like professional stills of the scenery, candids and capturing all the beauty possible, while Grace took hundreds of photos of everything from hijinks and mishaps to food to selfies, and they always just looked like somebody living her best life.

But, someone asked, “Are you in Belize with Grace Monroe?” on Simon’s photo of a pair two pairs of bare feet in the dirt - one an older person, dark brown skin, several scars from previous damages and new callouses, and a younger person’s lighter brown skin and cutesy temporary tattoos on the base of their feet. 

“Grounding, also called earthing, is a therapeutic technique that involves doing activities that “ground” or electrically reconnect you to the earth. This practice relies on earthing science and grounding physics to explain how electrical charges from the earth can have positive effects on your body.” Simon had put as the caption. In the same photo set, you could see an image of his own feet in the dirt, and...

“These are Grace and Hazel Monroe’s feet, right???” When they flipped through the set, there was near the end of several pictures of the landscape and sky, silhouettes of two people in the sunset - remarkably shaped like Grace and Hazel dancing in the dirt.

“OMG OGM GOM MOG MG OOMG…”

“Simon and Grace are BACK ON y’all!”

“Grace is letting Simon post photos of her! You all know that she’s very secretive about Simon these days, and now they’re in Belize and he’s posting photos! We WON everybody!”

“GRACE???”

Grace’s comments were a little bit less like that. A little bit. She had almost forgotten how “Simon’s fans” could get. She had looked up one of those “foods to order when you’re in Belize” articles and gotten everything on the list, took a photo of the table top and captioned, “About to go IN!” And less than a few moments later, had SO MANY, “Are you with Simon/Simon is gonna eat most of that/Save some for Simon/What did Simon order/So jealous that you get to eat all of that! Save room for desert AKA Simon!” That was the point where she decided to go on a comments black out. There could be no more comments on whatever photos that she took for the rest of the trip. Simon left his open, though. It blew his mind that half a year ago, people were telling him that they were disappointed in him for hurting Grace and lying about it, or that they were disappointed in him for trusting Grace again after everything, and now SOME of those very same people were extremely excited just to see them having brunch together that they were already working on wedding date headcanons and pregnancy foreshadowing. This entertained him. Grace wasn’t as much of a fan and contacted Hazel’s social media rep to ensure that any comments or questions about Simon were promptly deleted from any of her pages. Sometimes, they did that too. That was less amusing to Simon. He really believed that kids should be left out of things like that.

Simon knew that he was the reason that they didn’t last, as friends or otherwise and he had come to terms with that, but he still wanted her to be able to forgive him someday, trust him again and let him be a part of her life. This wasn’t her intention with this trip, so he definitely couldn’t take it as a sign. She was enjoying Belize with her daughter and making the most of the fact that her parents had foolishly invited him along, thinking it could be beneficial in some way. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to enjoy his limited time with her to the fullest. 

Plus, he and Hazel had made some small steps to acceptance on her tour of their memory lane. Surprisingly to him, Grace was very open with Hazel about her wrongs. She did tell her about how she fought and hunted down Simon’s bullies, how she stabbed one with a fork and kept it just to remind herself of that day. She told her things that Simon never would have wanted to ever let his kids know that he had done. Hazel just hugged her, told her that she understood her pain better now and that she was proud of her for being able to be a good and strong person now. She posted something about her mom being her hero and being so glad that she had somebody like her in her life. It was really cute. 

Simon went to follow her on her social media and someone even noticed THAT. “Simon Laurent is now following Hazel Monroe on like everything!” They posted with screenshots of his name following each account and an eyeballs emoji. He… blocked the person. He didn’t block people very much, but where Hazel was concerned, he didn’t want any of his stuff to bleed over into her space. Grace wouldn’t like that and he didn’t like it, either. 

He and Hazel had spoken about the charm bracelet. She had been chronicling the charms with their stories, and said something like, “I feel like I’m wearing a sacred relic on my wrist.” 

“Speaking of…” Simon had said, and reached into his satchel. “I made you copies of something…” 

He showed her some pages of what could ONLY be two Esmoroth books and she squealed, hugged them to herself and stuck them in her own tote. “Expect my notes on them, soon.” He gave her a salute. Grace watched them interact and she couldn’t remember many moments that he talked to kids - like she had seen him at work with them and even sometimes whenever she caught part of one of his scouts things, but seeing him and Hazel sort of bonding affected her. She was equal parts cautious and soft. Simon seemed genuine though, and that only became more noticeable during the trip.

He was doing stuff like making sure she was walking on the inside when they went down streets, reflexively shielding her in crowds, helping her over, up onto stuff whenever she looked like she might struggle - things that Grace would normally do/try to do but wait it out to see if Hazel could do it herself or ask her if she needed help. Simon jumped into action and it didn’t seem to bother Hazel, so Grace was able to watch her get babied a little bit. It was cute. She snapped several photos, just for herself, though. 

They got back to the villa to see that Mrs. Monroe had arranged another dinner. “This woman, I swear,” Grace mumbled. Simon laughed a little. 

Mrs. Monroe announced, “We had a spa day and I got the Laurents makeovers. The three of you get washed up and dressed. The photographer is already here and I don’t want him to catch you three looking like… This.” she circled her hands at them, then waved them off. 

“What… should I wear?” Simon asked as they walked off.

“I’ve set your outfits out!” Mrs. Monroe called at his back, “All of you!” 

“I really feel like I’m 15 again,” Grace said shaking her head. Simon let out a grunt of agreement. 

Hazel wondered, “This is what 15 feels like???” Not her 15. Grace was NEVER gonna do this type of stuff to her. But, the occasional bossiness of GlamMother Monroe would be fine. ONLY on occasion. 

They reconvened with the family on the patio, overlooking the water as they were relaxed enough to not be as uncomfortable as at the birthday dinner. Hazel and Simon were talking about how far along she had gotten in his book, which she had her copy of at the table and was going over notes so far (she was pleased with where it was going and she enjoyed the angst between the Future King and the Idol Princess, “A lot more than I would have before everything I learned about you and my mom,” Grace heard her say. 

“Do you want more?” Grace heard an unfamiliar voice ask. 

She turned to see Mrs. Laurent staring at her with gray eyes… Simon’s eyes. Ugh… This is where he got those? She forced a smile and shrugged, “Someday.”

The woman leaned closer to her and said, “It gets tougher whenever there’s another. You have a hard time juggling the same amount of love that you have in you between more bodies.”

“I don’t think I’ll have that problem, but I’m going to take everything that the professionals say into consideration whenever I begin to think about expanding the family.”

“Simon was really easy. You just give him a little block set or something to build and he would leave you alone for hours. His sister needed constant attention. She just couldn’t stand not being focused on. I could easily leave Simon alone for half a day whenever he was 6. Hope couldn’t be left for a couple of hours, even having someone there with her…”

“Leave her alone,” they heard Simon growl at his mother in a low voice. The woman frowned and sat back in her seat. “Are you okay, Grace?” Simon looked at Grace’s hands clutching the table. She looked at them too, and released her grip, then saw Hazel, looking at her concerned and looking at Mrs. Laurent suspiciously.

“Yeah. She was just talking about motherhood.”

“About how she was terrible at it?” Simon asked.

“Simon…” Grace started.

But Hazel interjected, “Not everybody has a mom like you, Grace.”

“My mom isn’t perfect…”

“I think she meant a mom who is like you,” Simon said. Hazel nodded. “Some of us got hit a lot and yelled at, called names…”

“Abandoned in a field for days…”Hazel added. “Not to say that GlamMother was better! Just… sometimes it’s harder to trust people again, depending on what they did and well… as a mommy, doing bad stuff to your kid makes it so hard to even be nice.”

Grace nodded and adjusted Hazel’s braids. She had braided her hair whenever they were on the plane, to pass the time on the long flight. “I understand. I’ve been hurt by somebody that I thought really loved me before…” Simon blinked and turned away. Hazel gave him a sympathetic glance. Grace added, “But, I’m really trying not to be angry with them forever, and I think maybe our moms might be able to inherit a little bit of the same kind of forgiveness that we would want from others.”

Hazel scoffed, “She is definitely talking to you, Simon. There’s no way I’m forgiving any time soon.”

Simon said, “Noted,” and stared into his cup. He sat for a while longer and then took his cup and left the table. Hazel lowered her eyes, avoiding looking at Grace. 

Mrs. Laurent offered, “He’s always been really sensitive. I’ll go…”

“No,” Grace said. “You… stay.” She stood up, glanced at Mrs. Laurent, slid Hazel’s chair away from her a little, basically letting Hazel know not to engage with that woman (though Hazel seemed to be the only person that the woman was kind hearted to, probably reminded her of her daughter or something). Grace found Simon pacing and clenching his fists. She turned to leave. This was a private moment, but he glanced up, saw her and stopped moving. She winced and clasped her hands together, “I was coming to check on you.” He relaxed a little and sat down on the nearby stairs. 

She leaned against the rail and explained, “I’m not saying that you have to forgive your mom if you want me to forgive you. That’s not what I meant to convey. I just mean… that I try to think about things from the other person’s shoes a lot more than I used to. I remember right before I snapped, I asked my mom if you really believed all of the things you said about me, or if you were just a really good liar. I still don’t really know for sure what the answer is and I don’t think you do, either. And, whenever we don’t even fully know ourselves, how can we possibly know what others are going through? For all I know, you’re in the most pain that has ever pained anyone. I couldn’t say. What I can say is that I won’t let your pain be an excuse to hurt me, and as long as you aren’t hurting me, I see no reason to punish you.” She sat next to him. “But, maybe you and your mom can’t be like that, and that’s valid. I was just throwing something out in the air. I probably should have thought it through.”

“It’s true though. The stuff I did is just as unforgivable as the stuff she did. How can I expect you to ever trust me again when I’m not willing to do the same with her?”

“I mean… you and me are different people. You and her are different people. Not everything is interchangeable.”

“Any time I’m near Hazel, you look like at any moment, you expect me to throw her into the ocean. It feels really bad, but I get it. So… I know that she MIGHT be hurting too. It’s just… so hard. And to think that this is the way that I make you feel when I’m around, trying to pretend that I’m normal… It’s the most painful part. What can I do though? I made it this way. I did things that can’t be undone. Even in trying to rectify it, that’s just… treating an injury. I’ll never be able to remove the scars.” He had tears falling down his face, which he wiped away before she could have the chance to feel bad. “And you’re the last person that I should be whining to about it, because you’re the victim in this story.”

“A survivor,” she corrected. “Who has chosen to try to understand. Let’s give each other a little more space. We went around town, living in the old days and that maybe threw us a bit out of reality’s orbit. You were fine before we hung out..” He opened his mouth to debate, but she caught herself and corrected, “Well, not fine, but better. And… you need to get increasingly better. Until you’re well.” She got up and he watched her go back out and collect Hazel. They turned in early that night. He went back out to talk to his mom… 

.

The Laurents were awake early and the only ones in the kitchen with Hazel whenever Grace emerged from their quarters. Mr. Laurent had made pancakes and eggs, and Hazel was stuffing her face and reading. Simon was next to her, ready to protect her, if he had to, while his mother was nursing a cup of coffee with a full, cold plate in front of her. “Good morning!” Grace cheered and kissed Hazel on top of the head, then Simon, though she awkwardly cringed after she did. He blushed, but didn’t make a big deal out of it. Yeah, she requested space, but she was also always affectionate and they had been around each other a lot the past few days. 

“Good morning,” Mr. Laurent said. “Plenty of pancakes and eggs!” 

“I’m having breakfast with my parents, but thank you for the offer,” she said in a fake sweet voice. “Hazel, why don’t you go get ready for the day. We’re spending it with your grands.”

“Yes!!! They give the BEST day out presents!” Grace sat down, and Simon noticed that with the off the shoulders blouse she had on, he could see the tan marks on her now even darker brown skin. He… liked tan marks. And… her hair smelled really good. Her lips looked so moist… She squinted her eyes at him and he quickly turned away and grabbed his plate and Hazel’s to clear them from the table. 

“What do you all have planned for the day?” She asked.

“I’m going to take Samantha to the beach,” Simon said. 

“If you can find her. I told you to keep her in her crate,” Mrs. Laurent said.

“I let her out in my quarters, not in the entire villa. She’s somewhere in my space,” he said. They had been bickering. He told her that he was trying to forgive her, because forgiving her might mean being able to forgive himself for the things that he had done. She told him that even if she tried for the rest of her life, she couldn’t forgive him for what he did to Hope… So… They weren’t any closer to whatever it was Grace was at in her growth journey. “I might do something with my hair,” Simon said, shrugging his shoulders as he washed dishes and returning his attention to Grace’s question. “Since I have that patch on the side from getting kicked in the head, I sort of want to do something Viking looking or elvish… Maybe a braid and a side do.”

“That sounds hot,” Grace said. He blushed again. “There might be something in Hazel’s Celtic book! There were some hairstyles in there. She carries the thing around a lot. Every since we found out that she had it in her DNA, she’s sorta been obsessed with Celtic history and the fact that there’s hazel tree lore is her favorite coincidence in the world.” Simon smiled and put the clean dishes away. 

“She’s a great kid. You’re doing great with her.”

“It’s really not that hard. I just love her a lot and always try to give her what’s best for her and trust her to let me know if she doesn’t agree with what’s best for her… which isn’t often, at all. I worry that she sometimes maybe has too much emotional maturity. Like, if I shouldn’t coddle her a little more…” She bit her lip. “Like… how can you even tell when it’s what’s best?”

“She is happy and healthy. I trust that you do what’s best.” He cut his eyes at his mother and dismissed himself just as Hazel returned. They high fived each other when they crossed paths and Grace got up so that they could leave. She’d meet her parents elsewhere later. She couldn’t just stay in there with the Laurents, no matter how nice they were maybe trying to be.

.

She and Simon did well enough keeping their space through the rest of the trip. By Monday morning, when they were all back home, Grace wondered if Hazel needed a day to recover, but she was SO READY to get to school and brag to her friends about how she had been given drafts of the next two books of Esmoroth and how she wouldn’t tell them what happened and they would be SO jealous and think she’s SO cool. “They might even think that I’m lying. That’s why I have photos of me and Simon, with both of the drafts. They’re gonna be extremely, extremely envious.”

Grace laughed, “Why do you want your friends to be envious?”

“Because, that’s how you know it’s the good stuff.” Hazel still had her braids in. They probably wouldn’t last as long as that style would in Grace’s head, but Grace estimated she still had a few weeks before they would have to take them down. Also, Grace noticed that after giving Simon the leaf in her hair whenever they went to get on their planes home… She hadn’t replaced it. She put in one of her leaf clips and almost left the door without Grace! Grace caught up with her and the girl was as lively as ever. Grace didn’t have that same enthusiasm. 

The weekend was exhausting for her. Seeing her parents wore her out. Seeing them, the Laurents, and specifically Simon? She was about to sleep this entire day, until it was time to meet up with Hazel afterschool. Back in her own bed, with her own energy in her space, her own schedule and company (or lack thereof) it was great. 

.

 Simon had went live while he was working on styling his hair, to clear up all of the rumors about he and Grace rekindling their romance, which essentially boiled down to, “Grace and I are not together. We aren’t even friends again. The Monroes were nice enough to treat my family to a vacation for my birthday. I love, admire, adore, worship, would die for Grace, but I’ve done too much stuff for her to ever trust me again and I have to be okay with that, so all of you should be, too.”

Grace didn’t know until Hazel told her that Forgive Him Grace and Groveling for Grace were a thing. She watched the video and was amazed that they had taken his words and decided to do the complete opposite, because of course they did! She merely made a post, with no tags or links that said, “I hate this fandom, and I hate all of you.” Some were in the comments laughing, because they knew exactly what she was talking about. Some were asking her what fandom it was and offering words of kindness. Some were just flooding it with those stupid hashtags. 

Simon messaged her to apologize and insist that he didn’t mean for THIS to happen. She turned it into a video call, which he immediately picked up.

“Your followers have always been a very… special kind. Unreasonable. Stubborn. Obsessively defensive, even when you absolutely don’t deserve it.” He looked embarrassed. “You trained them too well. Jeesh.”

“They’re literally a little cult on the internet,” he said.

“Yup. They better not be bothering my baby.”

“No. I shut that shit down the moment I see it. I actually pinned an exile list to the top of my pages specifically for that.”

She checked and saw “For troubling Hazel Monroe, you will be exiled and your name will go upon this wall of shame.” It was followed by a list of names of people he blocked and at the bottom, “Leave her alone or you won’t be welcome here.” 

“This is kinda adorable,” she said. “I love how you are with her. It means a lot to me.”

“You mean a lot to me, so she does too,” he said. She bit her lip and blew air through her lips. He smiled. “I love that you still do that. I was counting the similarities and differences.”

“I’d love to hear what you came up with!” She said.

“Okay. Similarities: You still do that brrrr thing with your mouth when you’re thinking or uncomfortable. You still play with people’s hair as a show of affection. You playfully tugged on Hazel’s braids so many times! Your feet still bother you… though they seem to be giving you more trouble than before. You still try to play nice with people and speak sweetly… Differences: You’re more confident. Not that you were insecure before, but you used to care what people think about you and now, you just don’t. It’s really sexy.” She blushed. “You’re independent. You don’t need anybody else and you used to always want somebody around. Like, you love Hazel and keep her close, but I can tell that you also allow her freedom and don’t demand her obedience like your parents did to you. And you’re… everything. I can’t believe that I convinced myself that you were nothing. You’re everything, and I would do anything for you.” They both just stared at each other a while. 

“Well… That’s a nice thought. I’ll think of you if I need anything.”

“Or if you want anything…. Anything at all, Grace. I swear.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you soon. Get your followers together!”

“I’m on it,” he said and rested his chin on his hands. She exited the conversation and took a deep breath. She didn’t know what he meant by any of that, but she had a feeling that it would be clear soon. Simon never made a declaration that he wasn’t going to come through about. Even “new” Simon. 

Next

[ajora]

I never played ff5 but ngl I kind of want you to answer ALL the questions on that meme because I like hearing your thoughts about it. (and faris for the character part, because hm. yes. butch lesbian pirate. I can dig this. and your otp for the ship part, obviously.)

Oh boy, settle in because this’ll be looong.

So, for everyone else: warning: this talks about being nb/butch, a taboo ship, and spoilers for FF5.

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: Toss-up between Faris and Lenna.

Least Favorite character: I don’t actually hate him because his recurring crossover character status is hilarious and he’s got great theme music, but, Gilgamesh. His final words to Faris ( 恋でもして　ちったあ　女らしくなりな | essentially: go fall in love, then you’ll become more feminine) always rubbed me wrong. The love that defines her is the love she has for Lenna, even if you don’t interpret it as romantic love, and her love should never force her to become what she’s not. 

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Honestly, just Faris/Lenna. I’m chill with other people shipping other ships, but farilenna is my forever ship.

Character I find most attractive: I overrelate to Faris and Lenna is exactly my type. Gosh, but her squeak in DFFOO is adorable.

Character I would marry: I mean, I have a girlfriend I intend to marry, but Lenna would be a nice second option.

Character I would be best friends with: I’d probably get along with all of them, but realistically Butz is just the kind of no-commitment, independent friend I get along best with

a random thought: After the DFFOO event with Butz giving everything that makes him him to his dark world clone, I unironically want to redraw a SUF screenshot with someone taking Connie’s place to say that the only one who hasn’t had Steven Butz is Steven Butz. Largely because Butz shunts his personal feelings to the side to be the supportive friend and teen girl escort everyone needs.

An unpopular opinion: The GBA localization is great, but it’s not an accurate translation and sacrifices accuracy for the lulz. Which is fine!

My Canon OTP: I’mma reach and say Amano drew my otp holding each other on official art that got plastered everywhere in Japanese GBA-release media, so that totes counts as official, right? It’s the same argument the Butz/Lenna shippers used back in the day. (I even have this art in poster form)

My Non-canon OTP: Because FF5 has no actual endgame ships, obviously my otp. 

Most Badass Character: Look, Faris dove into a dragon-generated whirlpool that could have killed her to save her crew when she was 15. She fell off a cliff and crawled back up for Lenna. Faris, hands down.

Most Epic Villain: tbh the most epic villain was one who wasn’t in the game until he became an optional boss added in the GBA revamp: Enuo. He might not have been in the game’s present, but his shadow loomed large 1000 years after his death/sealing away.

Pairing I am not a fan of: Not personally a fan of shipping Butz with any of the girls, largely because he’s shaped like a friend and has been a fantastic friend to all of them, and FF5 really isn’t a romance. I’m absolutely happy to ship him with Squall in the Dissidias though. Butz/Squall is my otp for him. 

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Eh, I feel like the ending sequence for Faris could have focused less on her being a woman and more on her actual acts of courage. Courage being her whole damn thing and defining trait and all.

Favourite Friendship: Faris and Syldra. Gosh, but all the Japanese texts on them makes me mourn Syldra’s death even harder.

Character I most identify with: Faris bc butch/nonbinary reasons and huge issues with being shoehorned into one gender (male) but not really feeling it (Faris does, in Japanese at least, identify as a woman; direct translation by me: “don’t treat me like a fool because I’m a woman”) and also not wanting to 100% be compliant with femininity.

Character I wish I could be: Look, who doesn’t want to be a pirate.

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: 1997 baby. It’s been years and while I flitted out of FF5 fandom in the 2000s up til I returned now, I never stopped loving my ship

My thoughts: Yeah, the sibling incest complicates things, but also? They were separated very young, didn’t grow up together, and didn’t meet again until adulthood. There’s no actual power imbalance there. Even with respect to social status. Like, yes Lenna’s in line to be queen, but does anyone really think she’d abuse her position for anything? She adores Faris. Faris will destroy everyone in this room and then herself if anything happened to Lenna. 

What makes me happy about them: Oh, gosh, they are so good together. Also? I adore how muddled up they are together. Lenna is the Light Warrior of Water, her defining trait being conscientious kindness. Faris is the Light Warrior of Fire, her defining trait being courage. But Lenna will absolutely kill that dragon if she has to. She’ll hare off into the unknown with only a knife to find her father. She’ll trudge through poison to save that dragon she was gonna kill. Her sky dragon turns into a phoenix. She’s the spirit of Water, but everything about her screams Fire. Conversely, Faris is bonded to a sea dragon, nearly drowned twice that we know of, and over the course of the game she does become a kinder person than she was. She’s the spirit of Fire, and yeah she does have courage aplenty, but she’s so inextricably bound to water that her skills in DFFOO are water-related. 

What makes me sad about them: That they could never be together openly. Also? That modern/post-GBA fandom will absolutely shit on the ship’s fans. You’ve seen me talk in Discord about the hate I run across often enough. And it’s absolutely wild to me because I’ve been here since 1997, I’ve heard all the jokes about Faris/Lenna back then, and no one threw a fit about it like they do now. Nevar 4get the off-color FWAKs that were common back in the day. 

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Mostly just... treating the girls as Butz’s personal harem. And this is a small thing, at least. 

Things I look for in fanfic: Anything with my ship. Alternatively, anything where at least Faris isn’t straight. 

My wishlist: God I just want to talk to fellow Faris/Lenna shippers! And if I have to improve my translating-to-Japanese skills for it, I will. Also, I wanna get involved in a Faris/Lenna doujinshi someday. Or an anthology!

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: their dragons

My happily ever after for them: A cottage by the sea, all regal responsibilities forgotten, with new dragon companions because theirs died over the course of the game and Highwinds must have dragons.

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: Superb. Fantastic. When I was a young butch in the closet with only Oscar to look up to, Faris stormed onto the scene with all her flaws and character development and a dragon friend! and yes, I dig this. Still favorite, though Lenna unseats her ever so often. 

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Lenna. That’s it, really. World of Final Fantasy floated the idea of Quistis/Faris, but didn’t provide a lot to go on. 

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Syldra! Although I have been known to ship her with Syldra too, back in the day. 

My unpopular opinion about this character: Faris is a very, very Asian trope character, her roots being in Oscar of Rose of Versailles, Takarazuka, and East Asian legends and histories of crossdressing women. I just feel really uncomfortable when white people, especially white cis people, ignore that, ignore that she herself says that she’s a woman, and insist that she’s a trans man. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I do wish the epilogue slideshow focused more on her deeds than on her feeling uncomfortable complying with traditional femininity.

Favorite friendship for this character: Syldra!

My crossover ship: Faris and Quistis becoming friends in WoFF after Quistis challenged her to a fistfight is just so Faris that I’d love to see fics exploring that. 

[rgr-pop]

i haven’t read the surrogacy book (i actually do intend to, because of all of this!) and it is absolutely fanning the natalist* flames, that’s true. and it’s doing so partially on purpose, it is making a provocation to be provocative! there’s a lot more context there, though. for one, we’re in the middle of a nu social reproduction revival, and i see this book as part of that literature, and timely. but it is also timely politically, and i do imagine (hope?) that lewis has observed this sort of new wave of biologic nationalism--i’m sure she had finished the book by the time n*gle published the borders article, but thinkers savvier than i must have seen that coming, given the state of borders and population paranoia around the white globe. plus, i assume (again: hope?) this book in some ways addresses some of the creeping terrors of alienation (”atomization”) that are leading to this: n*gle for example writes a book arguing that atomization (the disruption of the family) incubated this new global right. it is obviously time for the left to be reading and writing books against the family.

i have been very surprised that it is the “against the family” part of the surrogacy book that has been so controversial everywhere, and all across the left. it seems like that critique should be familiar to absolutely everyone, fundamental even. the kind of technocratic claims (cannot assess until i read!) should, to me, have been the ones that people were freaking out about--and those are the ones that are transparently experimental and probably inflammatory. (and those kinds of arguments have a much different position in the feminist canon, but, again, cannot assess until i read.) but what’s actually happening is “parenting is labor, in fact productive labor in capitalism, including the labor of labor” is fucking tearing everyone apart, from anarchists to dsa caucuses to podcast accellerationists and, most of all, everyone in the strasserite wars. they are losing their fucking MINDS. they saw “abolish the family” and leaped off their fucking roofs. absolute fuckin hysteria.

but ALC is another thing entirely. imo she is your average (absolutely dead average except for being basically bari weiss) wealthy liberal. she’s not a leftist of any stripe, even though she occasionally speaks about or on behalf of them on her twitter. so she contributes some “against the family” tweets, but they are not “against the family,” they are actually just... well, everyone is acccusing her of just doing therapy, which kind of is what it is. she asked what the point of parents were, and somehow none of her weird liz warren philospher fans or any of the enraged were like “a social relation?” instead they were like “your life has sad. family is BIOLOGY and DESTINY” and of course her response was “you think that your parents love you, but they don’t.” this is as far as comp lit will get you, my friends. in any case, everyone seems to agree that good parents or bad parents is a “lottery” or perhaps some kind of inherited “brain worm,” as the kids these days are saying. none of them said: maybe there are reasons that our mothers can’t support us? (silly me! if mothers need supporting, then we must ban abortions, so that we can reward pregnant women with welfare! bruenig welfare.)

my point here being that ALC was being deliberately inflammatory--and, okay, she’s big Not a Genius, again, that’s the best you can hope for a rich comp lit grad--and, it worked, in that, again, the natalists are saying “they are coming for our FAMILIES.” they already hate (and maybe hatefollow) her because she is like an obnoxious comp lit liberal on twitter who everyone hates, and also because a lot of these people (obvs) love to hate trans women (although this trend isn’t nearly as easy to predict in this milieu as I would have thought. much like regular t*rfs themselves, they are all the hell over the place.) (in that screenshot i posted, the OP is one of aimee’s reply girls, and the person who responded to her is some kind of leftist european who also posts a lot about the trans threat. an anti-trans activist? in MY “it’s biology actually”?). 

none of this is new for ALC. for those of you who haven’t heard of her, she somewhat notoriously wrote, well, this. i don’t want to be flat-out mean about this part, but if i’m being honest, the way i interpret her career is that she was handed a pedigree that allows her to sell sanitized summaries of twenty-year-old intra-community trans issues to NPR tote bags. (the mean part is I truly think she believes she has conjured her own ideas at some point in her life. she hasn’t.) I think she was being deliberately inflammatory but I’m not even entirely convinced that she mounted this “conversation” in light of the aforementioned conversations; not sure she has the range. (she definitely does not have the range to be a cryptofascist!) but, still, “parenting is labor that operates a way in capitalism” is absolutely outside of her vision! not to bolster the “she’s just trying to make us therapize her” argument, which I find mostly annoying, it does seem, like, true, that this is a much harder thing to understand if you are rich. and I don’t yet know how to explain it in a way that raises the consciousness of the wealthier!** you DON’T have to love your rich mom, but it would be nice not to see “mothers are a social problem, the problem is mothers” from people who went to duke or wellesley u know

*henceforth this is how i refer to all the “left” organizing around the issue of population & the family who are elsewhere cyberbullied as “cryptofascist”

**wait, maybe I do! “social reproduction”

[shirtlesssammy]

4x14: Sex and Violence

Then:

Sam’s being seduced by the dark side.

Now:

We open with a happy couple going through the joys of settled marital bliss. Or at least a couple where the husband comes home late from work, the wife makes plans without his input, and the husband becomes dangerously angry --and by dangerously angry, I mean he takes a meat tenderizer and smashes his wife’s brains with it. Joy.

Because I’m not passing this up without a screenshot, here’s a rare shot of Bby Dean all tucked in and sleeping in what appears to be sleepwear. A rare sight in the wild.

He wakes to see Sam on the phone with someone, but quickly acts like he’s asleep when he realizes Sam’s not on the up and up. Sam “wakes” him with a case!

They head to interview the husband, who’s now in jail.

The husband explains that he killed his wife because she made plans without telling him. He knew what he was doing, but he doesn’t know why he did it. He loved her. They were happy. The boys bring up some dodgy credit card charges. The man admits to going to a strip club and meeting Jasmine. She was everything. He killed his wife for Jasmine. He takes full blame for what he did to his wife. Sidenote: The camera work is really interesting...so many extreme close-ups and cuts.

At Dr. Cara Robert’s office, Agent Stiles (I’m assuming it’s not Harry…) shows up for some questions about the three men who killed their wives. She reveals that all three men had high levels of oxytocin --the love hormone. Sam’s hitting it off with Dr Cara when Interrupting Squirrel arrives. (Side-side-side-note: I just looked up who Stiles and Murdock were. They were the characters from Route 66. Murdock is portrayed by an actor named George Maharis. And here I always thought George Michael Bluth’s fake name was an original goofball name. Oof. Arrested Development is the show that just keeps giving.) Dean turns on his “charm” but she only has eyes for Sam.

They boys head out, but not before Sam can get in one more bit of flirting. Dr Cara is smitten.

(For a one-off liaison for Sam, I LOVE THEM.)

Dean’s research revealed that each man’s story played out the same way, but they all fell for a different woman from the strip club.

Sam and Dean head to the Honey Wagon strip club for research that night. Dean gets nowhere with the club’s owner. No paperwork, all independent workers. Sam talked with Bobby, who suggests they’re dealing with a Siren. They’re beautiful creatures that prey on men, and entice them with their siren song. Dean’s song: Welcome to the Jungle. “So they shake their thing, and the guys zombie out?” (Side-note: SPOILER...Dean’s siren IS A MAN. I don’t want to jump ahead but I CAN’T WRAP MY HEAD AROUND THIS WHOLE EXPLANATION, AND THEN CONTINUE ON WITH THE “DEAN’S TOTES STRAIGHT” BULLSHIT THIS SHOW IS FEEDING US.) “Whatever floats the guy’s boat?” “So it can be the same chic, morphing into different dream girls?” Just as the brothers are lamenting the fact that it’ll be nearly impossible to locate the siren, one worker takes a client outside.

He takes her home for sexy-time, but not before checking in on his infirm mother. Later, she passively aggressively asks him to kills his mom so he can be with her forever. Then she just aggressively suggests he bash her brains in so they can be together. (Side-note: If this example of the siren working its wiles on a dude and his mom is supposed to show the “familial” side of the situation to parallel Sam and Dean, uh, the SIREN IS STILL SEXY-TIME for the dude even if the person they’re making them kill isn’t a significant other.)

While at their motel, doing a little research, Dean has a chance to check out Sam’s phone. He calls the one unknown number, only to hear Ruby on the other end. He hangs up, pissed. Sam arrives and Bobby calls in information.

Bobby mentions that the siren injects the men with some kind of toxin. But if the siren gets any of the toxin, they’ll die.

The boys head back to the hospital to meet with Dr. Roberts. Sam is hoping to get a sample of the Oxytocin. THE FLIRTING IS OUT OF CONTROL, FOLKS.

They’re interrupted by another FBI agent, Nick Monroe. There’s some FBI badge measuring. Dean and Nick look each other up and down and introduce themselves. There’s some staring (LISTEN, I’m just going off what the camera work is telling me, ok?) And Interrupting Moose, off-screen, tries to get in on the intro-fest. There’s some more FBI measuring, and Nick stares at Dean the whole time while Sam answers the questions. I mean, this is a master scene in heteronormativity. Nick calls the brother’s boss to check their credentials. Bobby, busy frying up lunch, puts everything in order.

Nick lays a theory on them all: all the attackers were hooking up with strippers from the same club. Sam and Dean bask in feelings of superiority because...DUH. Dean’s ready to be a “lone wolf” but Sam tasks him with occupying Nick instead.

It’s okay, though, because Nick is 100 billion percent into Dean(‘s car).

At the strip club, Dean’s not even watching the women (for pleasure OR for the case). He’s drinking and comparing music nerd levels with Nick.

There are “not a lot of Feds as cool as us,” Dean says, totally suavely. Totally, Dean! Finally, they get around to talking about the case. Nick pulls out further evidence that he collected...it’s a baggie with flowers matching the ones in Dr. Cara’s office. According to Nick, similar flowers have been found at every crime scene. He suggests that it’s the signature move of a serial killer. (Sorry, Nick, but Sam’s the one heavily into serial killer talk.)

Back with Sam and Dr. Cara-of-the-insidious-flowers, they’re reviewing security footage to find out who stole the blood samples from the attackers. It’s a no-go, though. Someone has already doctored the tapes. Sam tells her that he suspects a cover-up of the killings and that the men were drugged. Otherwise, why would they kill their victims in the first place? “Haven’t you ever been in a relationship where you really love somebody and still kind wanted to bash their head in?” Dr. Cara...keepin’ it real.

She pulls out alcohol to share from a cabinet in her office. (She’s clearly working through some issues of her own, poor bean.) When Dean calls she encourages Sam to ignore his phone call. It’s adult time now, baby. She can’t stop thinking about Sam’s lips, for example.

I’m sure I speak for Boris when I say:

Later, Sam heads back to the hotel room, accompanied by foreboding music. Dean’s not there, though. He’s driving in the Impala, and feeling disappointed in Sam. When they talk on the phone, Dean drops all his latest facts:

Sam’s ignoring Dean’s phone calls

Dr. Cara has hyacinths on her desk - which ties into the Grecian island where the siren myth originated

Her ex-husband is an ex because he’s DEAD, JIM

Also, why is Sam a jerk

Dean thinks Cara is the siren and he angrily asks Sam why he keeps hooking up with monsters. You’ll learn the allure of the supernatural someday, Dean. Maybe in just a few minutes in fact.

Dean enlists Nick’s help in canvassing for Dr. Cara. Nick finds her at a bar (poor, grieving Dr. Cara) and he and Dean stake out the late night dive.

In the car, they share swigs of a flask. Nick suggests that the poison might be entering the men through the saliva. Dean and Nick stare at the flask. “You really shoulda wiped the lid on that before you drank from it, Dean.”

Nick, who is totally the siren, tells Dean that Sam’s just a barrier to their relationship who needs to be removed. Nick can be like the brother that Sam’s failing to be. (Stares into the distance and thinks about labels.)

At the hotel room, Sam walks into an ambush. Dean holds a knife to his throat, while Nick delivers his villain speech. Yes, it is HE who has been driving men to kill others. “Maybe I got exactly what I wanted. I got Dean.” The siren reveals that he loves the hunt. He loves falling in love over and over again.

Nick squirts poison into Sam’s mouth. “Whoever survives can be with me forever.”

Sam and Dean, both under Nick’s control, turn to each other to...talk about their issues? The knife fighting comes later, clearly. Dean tells Sam that he’s changed, and lets him know that he knows about the calls to Ruby. Sam launches off of the Ruby subject and tells Dean that he’s too weak to fight Ruby. “You're too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Whining about all the souls you tortured in hell. Boo hoo.” DAMN, SAM. They fight - physically this time - and end up in the hallway.

As Dean is about to bring down an ax that he’s taken from the wall, Bobby appears! He jabs a bronze knife into Dean’s shoulder, throws the knife, and kills the siren. Damn, Bobby <3

Bobby lovingly chastises them later as they drink around their cars. According to Bobby, “Agent” Nick was clearly a big faking fake who fakes.

Dean asks if Sam will say goodbye to Cara but...nope. Sam’s just gonna blow outta town. (I think Dr. Cara mostly just wanted an uncomplicated hookup anyway, so likely for the best.) We leave the episode with awkward feelings all around. They’re “good” with each other but there’s a narrator voice intoning, “They were not, in fact, good.”

Whisper Quotes about Love:

Dude, you totally c-blocked me.

Strippers, Sammy, Strippers. We are on an actual case involving strippers.

Hey, I read.

For a fed, you’re not a total dick.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[eorzean-capitalist]

The more flowery a person’s speech … the more suspect the feelings, or lack of feelings, it concealed. --  Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary

There’s a lot to unpack from the fauxpology that appeared recently on a new blog from Oz.  I’ve seen this before... from multiple abusive people.  

So let’s dive in, shall we?

There are some things I need to address, some of which I need to apologise for. I want to be clear this is not me entering into a debate, this is not my version of events, this is an apology for where I have made mistakes and where I have at times hurt many people who ultimately did not deserve it, many of whom are my friends and loved ones. 

Some of which you need to apologize for? Some?

I have no intention of any kind to publicly address this any further. I do not think it would be of any benefit to anyone, particularly the people I have hurt, to escalate this more than it already has by arguing about any specific claim’s full context. If you wish to speak with me privately, I encourage you to reach out to me personally

Private, where you can continue to try to control the narrative.  Private, where you can attempt to keep gaslighting your victims.  Private, where no one else can see what you’re saying and go ‘Um, no, that’s not correct’.  

And whose benefit here are you really concerned about?  Because I can tell you right now, your victims would /love/ for you to publicly acknowledge the hurt you caused them.  It just wouldn’t be very fun for you to be open to the kind of scrutiny you’ve called to attention on other people for daring to go against your dictates and mandates.

Unfortunately, I have to be clear about what, exactly, I’m apologising for. In the noise and fury surrounding the last week or so, accusations have been made that are not simply bad interactions taken out of context or even objectionable but otherwise fairly mundane failures of decency, but utterly detestable and even illegal.

Jesus christ, put down the fucking thesaurus.  We get it.  You know big words.  Would you stop tap dancing around the point and actually get to it?  

Actually, I’ve read this run-on sentence several times and I really can’t make heads or tails of it.  What are you trying to say here, Oz?  Are you accusing your victims of making shit up?  Despite all the evidence that’s been posted?  Are you suggesting that somehow talking about the shit you’ve done is illegal?  Like really?

I do not say this to excuse anything I have actually done or anywhere I have actually been wrong, but so that I can apologise for where I have indeed done wrong without admitting to baseless claims of acts that are not just morally reprehensible but in some cases illegal.

“So I want to cherry pick what to apologize for.  The stuff that’s just kinda assholish I’ll admit to but everything else is illegal because I say so.”

I have never doxxed, stalked, sexually harassed, or threatened the the life of anyone

Um.  Sure, Jan.

Additionally, I have never sent anonymous hate messages through Tumblr or any other medium. I have never condoned any of those behaviours, encouraged them in others, nor have I ever made false claims of any of the prior acts.

Uh huh.  Have you forgotten we’ve all SEEN you do this shit?  You may not do anon tumblr hatred, but you do threaten people.  I’ve seen you go on complete tirades over and over again.  People have actually posted testimonials and screenshots of logs where you are threatening them.  Seriously, stop denying you do this shit. 

I have made many mistakes and, yes, I have made some very bad choices. While I am absolutely guilty of being unnecessarily aggressive, disdainful, and combative, I have not done any of those things. I am not going to speculate about the motivations of the people making these claims, but suffice it to say they are entirely false and the people making them have no reason to believe otherwise. There are things I have to own and apologise for, but these are not among them.

They just made some very bad choices, folks.  We should totes give them a break. 

I regret I must start an apology with a qualification like that, but given the nature of the more extreme and spurious claims some have made, I have no choice. It would be disingenuine and even irresponsible of me to extend a blanket apology and include deeply reprehensible acts I have never committed nor would I ever commit.

I think what they’re trying to say here is ‘I would do anything for love... but I won’t do that.’

Also, if you need four flowery paragraphs of highfalutin language to start off your ‘apology’, you’re doing it wrong.

What I will apologise for are the places where I have failed and while they are not as many as claimed, they are dire

Now we begin the minimizing stage.  They admit to doing some things, but not everything, and even those some things are very small really.  Just a few things.  Yes, dire things but JUST A FEW THINGS.

I allowed myself to listen to voices that lauded me for drawing hard and sometimes arbitrary lines with people, showing swift cruelty, and forgetting there is a very real difference between flawed people who have made mistakes or even just poor choices and people who set out to knowingly do harm for its own sake

“Guys, I made some bad choices.  I was lead astray by other nebulous people.  Clearly they were the ones to guide me into these dire, terrible actions.  I apologize for them dragging me kicking and screaming down this awful path.”

What’s worse is that these are lessons I learned long ago, but I allowed myself to be comfortable and even lazy. I did not hold myself to my own standards and through my unwillingness to examine my own behaviours, I hurt others.

I hope you pause to meditate on the fact that this is why people say your behavior has never changed.  

There are times I have shown anger or drawn a line around spaces under my control and done so justly There is a time and place for anger. Like any emotion in a healthy volume and the right context, it has a role to serve.

The problem is, you are addicted to your righteous anger.  You go from 0 to 60 in 0.005 seconds, and when you blast people, you refuse to listen to them when they try to reason with you.  I’ve read the logs.  I’ve seen you run in, scream at people and when they try to placate you, continue to berate them.  

Your first reaction to anyone challenging you or ‘threatening your territory’ is to go nuclear.  Full blast nuclear.  And you do. not. stop.  You will continue to post about them for months.  Vagueposts sniping at them.  And you don’t just do it yourself, you command  your people like they’re your little army to avoid the people you’ve decided are on your Naughty List on pain of becoming your next victim.

That’s on you.  It is all on you.  No one else is to blame for this, no matter how you may try to blame your ‘choices’ on mysterious others in your life.

In many cases, what I did was apply that anger too broadly and too eagerly. I was too willing to see the hurt in response to my actions as a proof of guilt from the people I refused to see the simple human dignity of. I allowed people who I felt wronged me or people dear to me to become less than people in my eyes, something reserved only for the most awful of people, not individuals who simply commit some passing faux pas in a bad circumstance or, indeed, do nothing beyond some relatively minor violation of the social contract.

On this, we can agree.  Would that you had said this rather than all the shit above.

After a period of suffering genuine manipulation, abuse, and gaslighting by a truly vile person, I allowed my feelings of abandonment and outrage at an injustice to stew and mutate into a broad and directionless anger. No matter what happened, my failure to properly gauge my emotions and find healthy, positive outlets for those feelings was not just unacceptable, but my fault. What’s worse is that I sought and found help. I knew what I had to do, and it took me too long to begin the process of healing, a process entirely within my control. While I refused to heal, I indulged in pain and the social rewards that come from it. Not just my own pain but the pain of others.

More blame shifting.  Remember, folks, while they did hurt people, they were the REAL victim here.  

The worst part of all of this is that among the choices I made, they were not choices I made out some misguided belief or, in most cases, not even out of misinformation. They are things I did in spite of my own beliefs. If you asked me on a good day, I would tell you I believe it is absolutely critical to reach out to people you feel have wronged you and while it’s important to protect the things and people vital to you, you should never allow yourself to succumb to a hateful, tribalistic, ingroup/outgroup attitude without fully appreciating the harm that does not just to other people, but to yourself.

On a good day, if you asked me, I would tell it is absolutely crucial to be no one’s attack dog and to avoid people who celebrate the harm you do to others. I would tell you it is easy to build the support of people who see you as a vector for the harm they want to see done to others. I would tell you it is not just easy, but a passive process to become a threat to other people and that is the very last thing you should want to be. When I say I was overly comfortable and lazy, that is exactly what I mean. 

You know what they’re doing here?  Trying to be subtle about it, but definite blame shifting going on here.  They are blaming other people for jumping on the bandwagon THEY created.  They got off on manipulating public opinion about people, and are now blaming the very people they manipulated into feeling that way.  

Nice try, but i c wat u did thar.

I failed to be the better version of myself I have been. I can say I never set out to harm people specifically because I wanted to or I because I enjoyed the idea of punishing others, which I didn’t, but the effects of my actions are the same as if I had. I invited and engaged in unnecessary conflict to no gain, I meted out judgement where harmful, and I did all of this with the reassurance I would be rewarded in ways I never should have sought.

“See, folks, I just wanted the approval of other people.  So I hurt you because I sought out that kind of approval and it’s their fault for making me want their approval.”

In every instance of wrongdoing, I was a hypocrite. In allowing myself to see people as their failings, something I absolutely know is wrong, I justified a level of hostility that is not just inappropriate, but destructive to myself, to those around me, and of course to those on the bad end of that hostility. For that, I apologise from the bottom of my heart.

Furthermore, I need to apologise for the influence I’ve had. Beyond my actions themselves, I have helped create a culture of cyclical anger, division, and anguish that has done real harm to our community. Not only have my actions reflected poorly on my friends, who I can assure you are not supporters of those actions, they have fed into a subculture on Balmung of a deeply hostile and hateful moral rectitude. I contributed to an environment where people looking to do harm can and can do so largely without consequence.

You know, if you had just said this, I might actually believe you were sorry.  Unfortunately, this is buried in so much bullshit it’s hard to take seriously.

I can complain about there being absolutely false and completely groundless claims made about me, but it is my fault there is an environment for those claims to come from. Obviously, there are other bad actors in our community, but I am the only person I have control over and I have to accept my share of the blame for the culture I helped create and I am sorry. In different moments, I have tried to contribute constructively to the space we share and in others I have actively torn it down.

Like other things, it’s something I know better than to do. As has been said both to criticise me and to defend me, I have an old and long-buried history of being a malignant presence in another community. I am proof that people can grow beyond their immaturity, but that one still has to be vigilant about not falling into their old habits. It is a lesson I know and chose to ignore for temporary comforts.

I am sorry for allowing a kind of zeal to take hold in me that let me ignore the difference between a sexual predator or their defenders and people who simply briefly upset someone in some minor way. At my best, I hold myself to a high standard of proof and responsibility, aware that taking action against someone is harming them. It’s doing something they may have to carry with them for a long time and if we take that action wrongly, then we’re hurting someone without reason. At my worst, something I have shown far too much of, I allowed myself to stoop to the lowest standard of a bully, the exact kind of person I so comfortably and openly resent.

The problem with this line of thinking is... you’ve only managed to do it AGAIN. How is that proof of growing or changing?  You can’t even bring yourself to apologize properly, how is anyone to believe that you’ve changed at all?

I am also deeply and truly sorry to the people around me. My friends, both in my free company and not, have shown me a patience and grace that I certainly failed to show others. I am not just glad but lucky to have people around me willing to tell me when I have done wrong and all I can ask is that you not judge them by my worst actions. They and the community we have built together are surely better than I am and I can think of no better testament to that fact than the guidance and tolerance they have shown me.

I can agree with this up to a point.  Obviously most people in your FC are not to blame for your actions.  Though you should probably consider the kind of atmosphere you’ve fostered in your own FC.  Considering the testimony of many ex-,members, you made it pretty awful for them while they were in there.  Be better.  

There’s not a deep, meaningful takeaway I have to offer from any of this. I’m not saying any of this from some place of wisdom other than that of someone recently reminded I am not beyond succumbing to the worst inclinations common to all people, inclinations many people manage to avoid succumbing to themselves.

All I have left to say is that I am sorry. I have before, can now, and will later do better. In turn, all I can ask is that you give me the grace do so.

“I’m only human, folks.  Please leave me alone so I don’t have to really, truly, face up to my actions.” 

[btzone]

The new Fish Tank

You may have seen or heard that Buck-Tick has redesigned their website to now be in (limited) English as well. This is great news to the international community of fans, especially those whose Japanese is limited/none. English is more universally understood than Japanese and has become a lingua franca so I understand that if they were going to add any other language, it would be English.

Even better, the fan club website is also now available in English and more of its contents are translated than the main website. The online version is now run by EMTG, a company that handles concert ticket sales for many artists. It’s not cheap and I think joining the fan club has always been a point of debate for fans outside of Japan, especially those that don’t speak Japanese. At the least, you’re going to get some pretty pictures to look at. At best, you intend to visit Japan and will use the fan club membership as a convenient means of securing concert tickets in advance.

The site lets you switch back and forth between languages pretty fluidly and it’s almost entirely translated. Currently, there isn’t any wow factor when logging in. It’s not full of exclusive content. In fact, it’s more soliciting content from fans. In clicking around, the only part I have found not to be translated is the submission form for the various things they are soliciting for, such as fan written concert reviews, fan artwork, etc. It’s just the intro above the form not translated but I don’t think this will be an obstacle for anyone. The only obstacle is that writing in English uses a lot more characters to convey certain subjects than Japanese does. Thus, if you do submit any concert reviews, be brief, very brief. Where these submissions will end up is still unknown. Traditionally such contributions were sent via email and then published in hard copy newsletters. I am unsure if these will be made electronically online in any way.

Details about the new Fish Tank as captured from the website:

The terms of service are incredibly long as the fine print of most everything is long and ridiculously detailed. I understand the need to cover their assets but when it comes down to it, it’s an entertainment fan club. This is the most interesting part to me, the things one is not allowed to do:

1. Make sense. But I’m sure if there’s some fans who want to save money by sharing a membership, we won’t tell anyone. What if some fans find each other, date, move in together and decide they need to save some money by having only 1 membership. Makes sense to me that they would only have 1 membership. But Fish Tank wants your money, so no.

2. Of course. That would be stupid to use a fake name. You would not be able to pick up your concert tickets if you have to show ID, etc.

3. Makes sense but this is where I have some issue. By the strictest sense, me sharing this screenshot could be a no-no. Because it’s not for personal use. It’s to share information to help fans know more about the fan club. Hoping that they will see the benefit and join the fan club. But the Fan Club may not see it that way. They may only see that something is being shared. 

Which leads to 4. I don’t think anyone should abuse their membership. They should NOT buy a membership just to try to make money by reselling things. But sometimes things happen in life and you can’t go to the concert, or you don’t need another tote bag, or you stop being a fan. If the official Fan Club is going to be very strict, and they should in some cases, then I think they should also provide a means for fan club members to re-sell within the community. If someone lives outside Japan, and spends a lot of money months ahead of time to book a flight to Japan, hotels, fan club concert tickets, etc. then got sick or had some reason why they cannot fly anymore, I would understand that they are trying to recover as much money as possible and not abusing their membership.

5. Don’t infringe property and privacy. Got it. Don’t infringe portrait rights of the artists or a third party? Drawing a portrait and giving it to the fan club for free is OK but if you try to sell that drawing then you could lose your membership? Or a third party? Are they monitoring your complete private life or do they mean every company B-T is associated with? This could get confusing.

6. No slander. Is parody ok? Is sarcasm? I make a lot of jokes. About everyone, including myself. If I joke about myself to the point where they think I have damaged the reputation of myself, do I lose membership? I think they are trying to be very careful and write down reasons to kick out abusive fans in the future but this is a bit much. Of course if you are a stalker or only being vicious, you should not be in the fan club. But really now, is this ever going to be used?

7. You cannot demand NOR request communication or meetings with the artists! Demand is a strong word. Request is a more polite and gentle word. Demand could be a crazy fan who locks themselves in the Banker office and demands to meet a member. (I know it’s happened with another band.) Request could be a polite fan writing an email saying it would be nice to have a fan meet and greet. (Haven’t we music lovers all done this at some point with some artist?) Hmmm, seems like one has to be a very silent, invisible member to enjoy benefits.

I think any artists’ fan club could put more energy into deterring bootleggers and ticket scalpers rather than cracking down on the fans. Go to a Buck-Tick concert and you will see them, the people scalping tickets and the people selling bootleg merchandise and live concert photos. They’re not hidden. They are very close to the venue.

I know I am reading into the terms much too deeply but these rules could be used against you at any time so it’s good to be aware of them.

[grace-eleanor-skinner]

More Lassiward Fanfic

Finally worked a bit more on it!!! Kinda #sorrynotsorry that there is so much fluff at the end ———————–

“Lassiward at the Beach”

He doesn’t remember who’s idea it was, but it was a great idea. The sun beat down on them, making it harder to see the water through the bright rays of sunshine. He realizes he forgot to put on sunscreen, in the hurry to make it to the beach unnoticed by the general public that camped outside his current residence, he forgot it was hot out. Connor just knew he would end up covered in sunburns by the end of the day, he loathed sunburns. He’d definitely had more than his fair share back at the graveyard, but he didn’t loathe the treatment he’d gotten for them back there. Thinking about his favorite pretend doctor, he turned to face his favorite pretend doctor who also happened to be his favorite person in the world. Her head was turned to look at a bunch of pigeons squabbling not to far away from the blanket they sat on, her eyes watched as they pecked at each other as if she couldn’t help compare they way pigeons fight for their  food to the way society fights for their parts. The warm breeze that blew off the water tugged at her hair, causing strands to whip at her face to which she pulled back and tried to maintain. Connor found himself wishing she would let her hair blow around her face, it made her look even fiercer than he knew her to be.

        Risa turned and caught his eye, hers gleamed as if to say ha, I caught you again!

He didn’t turn away or acknowledge that she caught him staring again, instead he opted to say this: “I forgot to put on sunscreen.”

      She smiled at him in return, she didn’t reach into her tote bag and magically conjure up a bottle of sunscreen or a hat or something. She just smiled.

                        “I know.” Risa told him.

              “ And you decided not to remind me or…?”

                      “ We don’t have any, anyway.”

It made sense,not having any sunscreen. They rarely got to go out in public, especially alone and unprotected like this. They never went outside for long anyway, any public appearances they made were always inside sound stages or filmed somewhere else enclosed.

“We’re so going to be covered in burns, and when we get back, everyone will know we snuck out, it’ll be so obvious.” Risa laughed. Connor laughed too, the thought of them walking in covered in sand and as red as a tomato,denying they left would be comical. It’s not like they could do anything about it anyway, they were the star of the show. That wouldn’t stop them from being mad though.

“What’s even better is we have another big interview on Friday, and it’s a live one! I can just see it- us looking like stupid,awkward tomatoes in front of a live audience.” Connor remarked. He looked at his arm to check for signs of a sunburn forming, oh course he didn’t see a thing. It would be at least a few hours until they showed.

“We’ll be stupid, awkward tomatoes together then. At least we won’t look as pasty white as the last interview.” Risa offered. Their most recent TV appearance was on the Jarvis and Holly Show, and when the show aired, people tweeted these cringey screenshots of them looking as pale as ghosts. That was over two weeks ago, and people still won’t let them live that down.

“Let’s talk about something other than painful sunburns, and pressing interviews.” Connor offered. Risa dug her the tips of her bare toes into the hot sand, not at all flinching from the sudden heat. She rolled onto her back, shifting her beach towel with her body.

“Like what?” Risa says slyly, probably thinking Connor was going to say something playful or witty. Poor Risa, she won’t know what’s about to hit her.

“Like…THIS!” Connor grabbed Risa and put her over his shoulder and began running towards the water. Risa, of course began kicking and doing everything in her power to get Connor to put her down. He laughed at her obviously pissed reaction he loved her, but sometimes you have to toss the one you love into the nearest source of water.

“CONNOR, YOU KNOW I HATE WHEN YOU DO THIS! AH! STOP! OH,NO,NO,NO!”

He went as far as possible down the little dock so she wouldn’t get hurt by hitting the shallow part.With one last laugh, He threw Risa in the lake. She immediately floated back up to the top, fuming, the cold water had not cooled her down like Connor thought it would.

“YOU LITTLE-”

Connor jumped in after her, why let her have all the fun to herself?

“I am so mad at you, Connor Lassiter.” Risa laughed, lunging at him. They wrestled in the water for a few moments before his lips found themselves on her’s. Throwing Risa into the water was most definitely worth it.

“Am I forgiven?” He asked, when they pulled away.

“Maybe, it depends if you’re good at kissing underwater.” Risa challenged. Challenge accepted. He pulled her under the water despite the gravity that pushed them upwards. He struggled finding the location of her lips through the murky water and the tangle of hair. Connor found them and kissed them as long as possible. But defying gravity doesn’t usually last long. Gravity brought them back up, each gasping for air.

“Well, am I good at kissing underwater?” Connor managed. Risa laughed.

“No, you actually suck.”

“Well that’s harsh, you try pulling someone deep enough into the water to be able to properly kiss them before being brought back to the surface. Not to mention how dark it was and the-”

“I’m kidding, wow you take things so seriously sometimes."Risa laughed ringing out her hair with her hands.

"Hard not to.”

[powerovernothing]

do you think yondu spent his entire time being locked up with rocket despairing over his son's weird choices in crewmates?

First of all, let me take this moment to say hello to you, dear Yondu!Anon! I hope you don’t mind if I call you that, because I thought that it would be far easier than just referring to you by the Anon handle alone, and honestly a personal nickname is always more fun!

Secondly, I really appreciate you coming into my askbox! I always get such a wonderful pleasure whenever curious folk ask me fandom related things! It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, I always fully treasure it!

Anyway, regardless of the above sappiness that I just can’t seem to resist, to answer your question about whether or not Yondu spent most of his time annoyed and possibly regretting his son’s very strange choice in friends while locked up after the Ravager’s mutiny…

(Various Yondu related meta underneath the cut, as well as headcanons based around him and the Guardians. Prepare for some light reading~)

…Well, honestly, I’m not really sure. Now, now, turn those angry eyes away, I know that’s not really the answer that you were looking for; but the truth of the matter is that by the end of the day Yondu Udonta is actually a very complex and complicated character to try and figure out correctly – even though, I myself, really love to write about him.

So, trying to pinpoint what his thoughts or emotions are during a certain  scenario is always an adventure, as he often has a tendency to quickly shift from one feeling to the next, because didn’t you know that showing affection or anything that’s not gruff anger is a sign of weakness?

And considering that he was so emotionally overwhelmed during the mutiny on top of everything else that happened prior to it?

Thus, the thought of him spending his time flustered over son’s knack for making odd friends (Or on a lesser extent, being angry and just taking it out on Rocket, as he does often project his feelings and use others as an emotional punching bag) is certainly something that I wouldn’t put past him considering his character.

But to think that he spent most, if not all, of his time acting that way? Yeah, I’m not really all that sure on that -- as he probably had far greater things on his mind at that point, one of them being Peter and him being in the hands of Ego.

Although, in all fairness, I really don’t put it past Yondu to be at least somewhat frustrated with the fact that one of Peter’s own teammates is basically a complete professional asshole. But also one who got them both signed on for a painful death by Kree because of the whole mocking of Taser Face incident

(After all, Nebula only brought up that idea after Rocket ran his big fat mouth.)

Frankly, that’s enough to make anyone angry to the point ragefilled despair. (And considering that Yondu certainly does have an explosive temper in him, as stated above...)

Now, couple that with the scene where Yondu is relying on Baby Groot, and how you can see him shift from forced patience, to growing annoyance, and finally to altogether doneness after the third or four time the little twig brought back something wasn’t even remotely similar to what he asked for originally…

...And what you get by the end of the team up, and before they all three get out to cause mass murder to disloyal jerks is:

~At least three new strikes against Peter’s team in Yondu’s eyes. ~Said (ex)captain of the Ravager’s being so very tired of his terrible luck that just seems to keep on happening to him in a short amount of time.~Him accepting the fact that he’s -- without a doubt -- going to be stuck in the cell forever with Rocket, because that cute lil’ tree does not know how to take instructions that well and it’s driving him crazy.~And worse of all, that he’s never going to get to Peter in time before that jackass Ego does something incredibly awful to his boy.

And for the most part, that’s actually just really hilarious.

So, yes, in some ways I do think that Yondu spent at the very least some time during his confinement where his patience steamrolled into a million crescendos of “WHY ME LORD WHY” as well as “WH’A RACCOON OF ALL THINGS, BOI, ARE YA HIGH”, considering that we actually did manage to get a bit of a glimpse of that during those scenes.

However, you know what makes this all the more enjoyable, as well as silly to think about?

Knowing that Yondu being a judgemental little shit in regards to the mismatched bunch of rejects that make up Peter’s team during the second movie (before, during, or after the mutiny)...is actually not the only instance that he’s ever been that way towards them!

Case in point? The scene from the first Guardians where aforementioned team nearly blew the entire Ravager’s ship to a starry kingdom come in a stupid ass effort to save his stupid ass son from HIS OWN STUPID ASS HOME NO LESS.

Seriously, look at Yondu’s face here. I mean, okay sure, everyone’s face is an actual work of art in this screenshot – tag yourself, I’m Kraglin slowly coming to terms with the fact that when he woke up today he never assumed that he would nearly get killed by an actual talking RACCOON – but Yondu’s face just practically screams:

“’Dis th’ crowd ya runnin’ with now, boy? Ya go out, get a lil’bitta freedom, make yer own crew, and ‘dese th’ type of assholes ya want watchin’ yer back? Petey, did ah’seriously raise ya ta’be dat’ stupid?”

And it’s absolutely brilliant.

Because, with all of this in mind, and just in general, that is just the kind of asshole that Yondu is.

Not just to his son or his team, but basically to anyone and everyone.

And how on earth could you not just love every moment of it?

But yeah, Yondu!Anon, despite my discussion above, I’m actually super with you on this idea as a funny little headcanon. Because the fandom needs way more headcanons like this in the long run, and Yondu totally spent most of his time regretting giving his son any kind of creative freedom in the first place.

Because the moment that he does, these are the type of idiots that he allies himself with, and oh is it embarrassing for a captain, as well as a father, to see! Lik’ really, what the hell, Quill. I know ya’a Terran and’ ya ain’t that bright, but damn son!

And I don’t just mean in the second movie alone, either~ ;)

Also, in between the heart to heart conversations with Rocket, I’m pretty sure Yondu began to realize the actual irony behind one of Peter’s most trusted friends being basically a far more hairy, angry, gun-toting version of him.

And that he didn’t know whether to feel annoyed because he was replaced with a talkin’ rat, or that to be amused because his son was still subconsciously attaching himself to people similar to the ones who raised him.

Of course, that train of thought probably faded the moment he came back to his senses and realized that he was actually working with these idiots.

The same ones that not only had a hand in having the Kree set their sights on him again, but also nearly got him killed a few months back by being stupid, as well as totally, totally forcing him (Because it’s not like he would leap into battle with Peter at a moment’s notice or anything, no way) to work alongside them to beat Ronan and now he’s doing it all once again to save his son?!

From the very same jackass that started this whole mess and whom he desperately tried to keep Peter from to begin with!?

What the hell has this poor man’s life become!

Something absolutely amazing, that’s what. And something that is really fun to discuss and talk about! But once again, as I said above, I really do appreciate you coming into my askbox and giving me this question, dear lovely Yondu!Anon!

Also, I know that this probably wasn’t at all the answer you were looking for -- or, uh, at the very least not at all the length you were expecting -- but hey, it’s been ages since I got a curious anon! So why not go all out! :)

In any case, thank you so much for stopping by! This was really fun to write out! And hey, feel free to pop back in anytime you want, Yondu!Anon or off, as I’m always happy to answer things about our local Yondad and his dorky Space Son! As well as give out various headcanons and thoughts in regards to them!

Hope you have a great day filled with lots of feelings based around these silly space dweebs! Many hugs and kisses to you!

[oliviakongbcu]

Initial Research for New Brief

Before the brief launch, we were asked to start looking into small independent festivals and events about all types of things. From food, music, art, design, printmaking and beer. We had to consider the design elements that are involved with a graphic designer. Below are my findings.

When researching into festivals these were a few examples I found:

Birmingham Coffee Festival (7-8th June) 

Independent Gin Festival (22-23rd March)

Independent Birmingham Festival at The Bond (18th May)

London Independent Film Festival (13-25th April)

Stardust International Film Festival (15-16th March)

Tenth States of Independence Book Festival (23rd March)

North Leeds Food Festival (22nd June)

Green Man (15-18 August)

Exploring Graphic Elements

From looking at these festivals I think the graphic design elements involved are logos, brand identity (typography, colour palette, form/shape), tickets and wristbands. As well as wayfinding, posters (printed and digital),  web design and social media branding/advertising. Below I tried to find examples and talk through my understanding of the elements using the festivals I found.   

Birmingham Coffee Festival

Birmingham Coffee Festival is all about sipping, shopping and networking. It brings together independent coffee houses and speciality roasters to companies that are expanding across the UK. The main aim of the event is to bring independent stores to a wider audience and encourage more to go independent.

The opening page of Birmingham Coffee Festival’s website. The top element with the logo and side menu are consistent throughout all webpages.

Screenshot of Eventbrite’s website, where all online tickets can be purchased

From looking at their website they have a minimal black and white brand identity. This implies a sophisticated and modern event.

They have a typographic logo that uses two typefaces. One of the typefaces is used to divide information on the website. It’s only used once which implies that the ‘event sponsors and partners’ are a key part of the festival.

They have illustrated characters throughout their website and on social media. Adds a personal touch and potentially shows the people organising the event.  

Organised through Eventbrite so digital and email based tickets. No forms of branding from the festival. But free tote bag included with every ticket (not sure how you would get it probably at the event)  

Have on the door purchases for tickets as well. May have branded and physical ticket stub.

Screenshots of their Instagram page

Majority of the post are images and illustrations. The illustrations stay consistent with brand identity set out by their website. But images showcase what the festival has to offer and the experience that comes with it.

No forms of moving images. Expect a couple saved stories.

Illustrative posts have partners and sponsors listed. A large amount of white space helps to emphasise the importance they have towards the event.

Has a promotional image (image closest to this). Very simple and sticks to brand identity. Gives out main key points about the event e.g. time, location and date. The only source of colour is found through the logos of the other brands supporting the event.  The text has a central alignment on the right-hand side of the post.

Green Man Festival 

Green Man is an independent music and arts festival held in the Brecon Beacons, Wales. It’s a four-day event that showcases live music, with additional events for literature, film, comedy, theatre and poetry.

Screenshots of the opening page of Green Man’s website 

Uses a custom font. Based on old type specimen and Celtic quirks. Creates a unique voice for Green Man - unlike no other character or festival

Automatically plays an animation. Showcases different environments and characters, could relate to the festival activities. For example, the animation showcase a band performing could symbolise the live music that’s available.

Has lots of moving elements to the page. From a character dancing to type circling a menu option. Helps to add movement to what’s mainly flat graphics - draws the viewer’s attention immediately. 

Very visual brand identity -  helps to keep the viewer’s attention and interest. Has only the key information e.g. line-up, accommodation options, areas of the festival and a Spotify playlist of what to expect.  

Bright colour palette. A range of purples, greens, yellows, orange and white. This could hint at how bold and exciting the festivals are. All the colours work and contrast well together which helps viewer’s to navigate through the information presented.

Very detailed illustrations and links to the origins of the Green Man. Had pagan origins. Could help to tell viewers and festival goers more information about the Green Man through visuals.

Screenshots of the areas section of the website

Uses the same style of typography and illustration as the home page. Creates a consistent brand identity.

The visual above ‘somewhere’ presents what people could expect from this area in the Green Man world. The depiction is exaggerated and emphasised to fit the style of illustration.  It details a character holding a camera and walking on the tight rope it suggests the potential skills and workshops that children could learn.

Orange is used to emphasise key sections such as the ‘10 areas at the green man’. The contrast between this colour and the dark bluey purple helps to push the main information to the viewer navigating the website.

Screenshots of their Instagram Page 

A mixture of illustrations, images and videos. Very visual and sticks to the brand identity. The illustration uses the same level of details, textures and colour palette. While the images and videos detail live performances and glimpses of the experience the festival has to offer.

Very colourful. This matches the style of the website and the imagery it uses.

Evaluation

From researching and looking at the visual parts of a festival I feel I have narrowed down some of the tasks graphic designers carry out. I think they are responsible for the brand identity, logos, posters, wayfinding and more. This basic understanding will hopefully help me in my new brief.  

[pomegranate-salad]

ÜbeR-rated

For whatever reason, Word War 2 and Nazism have been on my mind a lot lately, so I finally got around to reading Über, all 27 issues of it, plus the specials and the beginning of Über Invasion. And I wrote a 5K analysis of it in the context of the fictionalization of Nazis. This is a thing I did to myself. And if you don’t want to feel left out, now you can read it too.

Heavy spoilers for the whole Über run, TW for pretty much everything you’d expect from a WW2 comic (except screenshots, because… well). Enjoy (?)

…

 What am I looking at here ?

  It’s 11 pm here and I’ve been staring blankly at my computer screen for thirty minutes, trying to find the proper way to kick off this essay, when all I had to do was to take a look at the additional rewards of the Kickstarter for the new Über arc, in order to introduce the point I want to start this piece on : I AM VERY, VERY WARY OF WW2-BASED FICTION. It’s not to say I’m opposed to it on principle, as I know some people are ; no matter how hard the topic, there’s always use for fiction. Fiction is a vector. It can be used right and it can be used wrong, but while on some levels it cannot hope to ever hold the same value as historical content, there are similarly elements only a piece of fiction can grasp. And if this kind of ethical discussion is always going to be around, it’s because fictionalization of real-life events is always going to be around. It’s an inevitable processing device of the human mind, and as much as possible I try to examine artistic material without resting my entire appreciation on their rapport to their source material, if only because part of their value comes from their ability to stray away from it.

But if there’s one event around which the tensions between history and fiction have made themselves an integrant and even a central part of any discussion of their artistic merits, it would be World War Two, and more specifically the Third Reich aspect of it. Maybe that’s unfair. But the historicity that has to be worked with on other topics here becomes a prerequisite concern : if the transposition from real events to fiction is handled poorly, it stands at risk of disqualifying the entire work. And even in works from thoughtful, ethically-minded creators (as it is the case with Über) you’re never safe from a “what the hell were they thinking” type of blunder. I hope they still sell those shirts next time I visit an Avatar booth so I finally get something to go with my “I <3 Auschwitz” tote bag.

 However, once we get past the fact that the “offensiveness” of the work is always going to be part of the discussion, there is a lot to be said on the link between historical events and their fictionalization on a pure narrative level. Even when this fictionalization is done wrong from an ethical point of view, it can teach us a lot about our own need for fiction and the inner workings of real events-based artworks.

 I felt this introduction was necessary, as this piece is going to feature both discussions of the ethical stakes raised by the choices Über made when fictionalizing WW2, and discussions of the same choices from a storytelling and aesthetic perspective. Nevertheless, even when these two aspects – ethical and artistic – are discussed separately, it should be understood that they are coexisting lenses of appreciation of Über as a whole, and that a negative or positive appreciation of a narrative choice from one perspective should in no way be taken as a validation or denigration from the other. To put it simply, the fact that I will praise some of Über’s creative decisions doesn’t mean I consider them free of ethical issues ; reciprocally, my criticism of Über’s handling of some ethical issues doesn’t mean I consider it worthless as a piece of art.

If you are of the opinion that ethical deficiency should prevent any artistic analysis of this work to take place, I will not argue ; similarly, if you want to avail yourself of a right to enjoy fiction without concerning yourself with ethical debates – well, you’re wrong, but that’s not an argument I will start here. Personally, I think these two aspects need to be analysed concurrently here, as Über is kind of a perfect case study in WW2 fictionalization in that it’s a thought-provoking work in large part because it is riddled with questionable choices, instead of being thought-provoking in spite of them.

 In conclusion to this introduction folks, Über is a land of contrasts.

  The Three Big Bad Wolves

 At its most basic level, the premise of Über is nothing that hasn’t been done before : at some point in WW2, we enter an alternate timeline in which Nazis somehow manage to take the advantage thanks to a technical breakthrough. It’s a handy premise as it has long served as an oblique way to discuss the American use of the atom bomb in Japan, and the subsequent nuclear race, without being hit with the “would you rather have had the Nazis win the war ?” inevitable defence. Put the dangerous toy in the hands of the most recognizable villainous figure of the 20th century, and suddenly, the conversion loses its controversial aspect. However, I’d also argue it loses its pertinence. It doesn’t have to, but more often than not, the identification of debatable means to an undebatable villain tends to wash out any reflexion on the mean itself to instead reinforce the evil of the character. The Nazi atom bomb is evil because it’s Nazi, not because it’s a weapon of mass destruction. There’s no equivalent to the nuclear escalation started by the US bomb in the Nazi atom bomb timeline : any technological progress made to counter Nazis is ultimately being coloured as good, because it’s fighting Nazis we’re talking about.

This is where Über does something interesting : instead of trying for a weak “no blameless sides” approach that could only pale in comparison with the culturally engrained goal of stopping Nazis, it turns the original premise to eleven and watches it unfold. The Nazi atom bomb is not just the American one with the eagle painted black, it’s one that dons an unmistakably Nazi idea : the rise of a superior race of men. So when the USSR and the UK and then the US have to retaliate, they have to do so by implementing a technology that is tainted with the very ideology they are fighting against. In that sense, it’s very telling that we see this technology collide with the Allies’ own racist ideology : America is willing to put itself at a disadvantage by under-employing some of its potential “enhanced men” because they are black. In the war of ideas presented in Über, Germany has already won : it’s now fighting on its own field.

 That’s the enhanced men premise in terms of sides ; what about the enhanced men on their own ? Where do they stand in the context of fictionalizing WW2 ? There’s of course an inevitable comparison to be made between Captain America and Über, but one I will leave to someone who actually knows their stuff about Captain America. Instead, I want to look at this premise from a larger perspective : is there a use for a superior version of Nazis ? A sci-fi device is handy to compensate for an overpowered adversary ; in Über’s case in particular, any modern WW2-based fiction has to work with the limitations of hindsight : we live in a world that was built on a Nazi defeat, therefore it is hard to conceive of a winning Germany without somehow rebalancing the odds. This is where fiction might benefit from a re-actualization that is inherently impossible for historical material : we could make Nazis win, so we can beat them again.

 However, this is where the unicity of WW2 as an historical event comes to undercut the use of fiction. WW2 and the Holocaust aren’t just real events : they were a cultural breaking point. To grossly paraphrase Theodor Adorno, one cannot think in the paradigm that led to Auschwitz anymore. With the end of WW2, a page of the human book of thoughts was turned. Our intellect, our culture, came across something that couldn’t be assimilated : both had to be profoundly rerouted to make sense of the world. Nazism is an intellectual dead-end : it represent the moment an entire intellectual and cultural paradigm imploded into total loss of meaning. What it means is that, even today, Nazism is Nazism precisely because we can’t conceive of it, and yet it did come to exist. Understanding the historicity of Nazism takes more than faith in the facts ; it takes suspension of disbelief IRL. The key factor in understanding the cultural impact of WW2 is its reality. Nazis aren’t scary because they were evil, they are scary because they were real. So if your premise is something along the lines of “Nazis, but scarier”, all you can accomplish is further remove Nazism from what gives it its cultural impact and straight into fiction territory. By pushing it into deliberate incredibility instead of forcing the audience to confront its actual incredibility, you anchor your story into a sanitized environment in which Nazism has been replaced by its cultural shorthand. Your Nazi is evil, but they’re not real, and therefore not scary.

This is why to me, using fictional enhancement to compensate for the historicity of Nazism is a device that is doomed from the start. This is a case where Reality wins ; even the slightest confrontation to real-life Nazi brutality has more narrative impact than all the sci-fi body horror in the world. What it meant for me reading Über is that I was aware of the impact the übermensch were supposed to have on the reader but I never felt this impact for myself. I’d argue the scariest moment in the whole Über run occurs in the Special, specifically Markus’ backstory. Here we see a child born into national-socialist ideology commit a hate crime. The implacable use of infantile impulses to indoctrinate hatred ; now this is a taste of the unbelievable Reality of Nazism. In comparison, Klaudia destroying all of Paris elicits no emotion because it belongs wholly in the cogs of fiction.

Now this would be alright if Über’s only ambition was to tell a story set in the context of WW2, but it’s a comic with the ambition to make a statement about WW2, meaning it wants me to be invested both in its actual story and in the fact that it’s a WW2 story. But it doesn’t work as a standalone story because its stakes are so rooted in its historical basis, and it cannot hope to one-up this basis as a work of fiction. As a result, Über sits uncomfortably between its premise and its stakes, lowering the latter by furthering the former.

  Killing cities in a night, repeatedly

 The fictionalized and historical aspects of Über also come to collide in its graphic decisions. Violence – both its level and its regularity – is a recurrent issue encountered by WW2-based works, including non-fiction ones : what to show ? How much to show ? This is a matter of responsibility but also impact : setting a standard of violence is also what will help you to highlight and judge these actions relatively. What kind of violence do the “good guys” allow themselves ? What is the line that indicates a wrongdoing ?

WW2 here comes with its specific set of problems, as it is an era in which brutality and barbarism wasn’t only pushed further than ever before, it was also generalized and systematized ; meaning that violence can virtually be present at every instant and not feel like an exaggeration. Moreover, there is such a variety of ways this violence can be painted, from clinical and cold to outrageous and unbearable, that each representation of violence cannot help but feel like a statement.

Every WW2-based work has provided us with its own answer to this problem. In Merle’s Death is my trade, the violence of Auschwitz is perceived through the eyes of a detached, efficiency-minded SS top officer : here, violence is a numbing succession of technical examination, the result of a cost and benefits analysis devoid of any empathy. In Inglorious Basterds, Tarantino went in the opposite direction : this is one of his least violent films from a frequency perspective, but when violence occurs, it is never anodyne. Sometimes it is glorious, other times gruesome, but the movie makes sure you are there to appreciate every single bit of it.

 So safe to say there are many ways the litany of horrors of WW2 can be approached. But the solution Über came up with is in my sense a particularly creative, meaningful one, and one I can’t recall ever seeing before. Violence is Über is ever-present, ever-extreme, and yet somehow always centred. Generally, representing violence in WW2-based work takes the form of an arbitration between frequency and impact. You either use violence to world-building purposes in order to create an ever-brutal environment, or you save it to put emphasis on a couple of significant moments. But in this debate of violence as a beat versus violence as a drop, Über never really takes position. Every other panel features someone being ripped apart, some mash of flesh on the ground, every confrontation brings its lot of snuff visuals. It should be numbing or acclimating, but we are forced to keep paying attention by the constant spot the story shines on it. Violence in Über is both the stage and the play ; even when it has relatively little effect on you – as it is my case – you are always half-forced to integrate it and half-forced to focus on it.

But even more interestingly, if everything is violence, then it means there is no background or forefront violence. A plot-wise insignificant rape of a nameless character in the first issue is depicted with the exact same crudeness as HMH Churchill’s leg ripping off during the most decisive battle of the first arc. No violent act is either meaningless or meaningful. No violent act is ever narratively highlighted, therefore no violent act is ever justified. I’ve often read that Über “doesn’t pick sides”, but it definitely does ; what it doesn’t pick is a demarcating line. Violence is the great equalizer of Über : brutality is brutality, whether it’s kicking a puppy or winning a war. This is a courageous position because it goes beyond the “all sides are bad” easy rhetoric of most Manichean WW2 narratives. The violence in Über is not a rhetorical tool, it is not up for discussion, it resists both analysis and relativizing. It is a whole that cannot be picked apart and deconstructed. This is a very punk rock use of violence in that it says almost nothing but makes it emptiness meaningful.

 [I can’t help, however, but point to the only narrative decision so far I consider unequivocally wrong : to wait until the story takes place in the US in Invasion to dedicate some consequent space and speaking time to casualties and civilians. I know where this decision comes from – render the stakes of a Nazi invasion more personal to an historically untouched America – but the fact that this is the first time this aspect of war is evoked on its own feels not only like a gross erasure of actual history, it perpetuates the long Hollywoodian tradition of only being able to care about things when they happen to good US citizen. Somehow I feel like if millions of people can march around the world in preventive solidarity with the US, any member of the presumed Anglo-Saxon readership should be able to grasp at the horror of devastated Europe and Asia without being able to spell the last name of the victims. Anyway, Über Invasion #2 is a perfect example of how a good standalone chapter can lose all of its compelling power when taken in the context of its own series. Back to the essay.]

  The Jewish Question

yup and I’m sure this header will never bring in my notifications the delightful people who frantically search it on every website

 Because violence is an equalizer in Über, it means everything that’s represented in the comics stands at the same level of horror as everything else. What this entails is that, if there is something the authors do consider reaching a superior level of horror, this superiority cannot be expressed within the pages ; there is no way to double down on ultraviolence. Therefore, the only solution to do this particular act justice is to leave it out. There are no degrees of violence, only representation or lack thereof. And this is a determining factor Über uses extensively.

Despite being described in virtually review as “uncompromising”, I find Über to be on the contrary built on compromise ; only the compromising happens before anything makes it onto the page. Because of its particular subject matter, it gives ethical significance to anything “making the cut”, which reveals a level of thoughtfulness of the creators that I wish I could see more often around difficult material.

 And maybe with no surprise, there is one thing Über is decidedly not showing. I call Über a WW2 comic, a Nazism comic, but it is not, by any means, a Holocaust comic. You could count on one hand the number of times the camps are mentioned ; we witness but two acts of antisemitism, and that’s if we include the special ; of the two featured queer characters, one is a Nazi ; there is no Rromani character ; and if not for Leah Cohen, the comic would be entirely devoid of named Jewish characters. Really, this is such a glaring hole in the comic’s narrative fabric that it cannot be something other than intentional. The comic twists into at times frankly comical contortions to avoid the subject : the Nazis are experimenting on humans, but they’re mostly non-Jewish Slavs. Bloody doctor Mengele shows up and he doesn’t do a goddamn thing.

So I think the intentionality is pretty clear here. Now I’ve said in my Tara piece that I will always respect a creator’s decision to stay away from a topic if they don’t see themselves having the legitimacy or the shoulders to handle it properly. It’s especially true when this decision was made out of respect for that topic, which I believe was the case here. I do see why one would want to avoid discussing the Holocaust in their comic about human nuclear bomb Nazis wiping off most of Europe.

 However justified – and possibly right – this choice was, it begs a different question regardless : can you make a comic about WW2, and one exploring literal Nazi doctrine at that, that mostly ignores the Holocaust ? Well obviously you can, but can you make this work meaningful while cutting out the most central and recognizable aspect of WW2 ?

Let’s say it straight up : I don’t have an answer to that. I don’t think an abstract answer can even be given here. But we can look at the answer Über gives us.

 On a pure narrative level, Über does evacuate most of the problem by situating its story after the liberation of the camps. I’d argue that given what a pressing matter the imminent discovery of the camps by the Allies was to losing Germany (google “death march” next time you feel like your life is going too well), it’s hard to conceive why Sankt didn't just take one of the battleships for a stroll to the camps and have them literally blink every evidence out of existence, but let’s accept there are in-universe reasons why the topic can be cautiously worked around.

On a conceptual level, things are more complicated. Über is a comic about WW2, but one that explicitly focuses on Nazis and Nazi ideology. It’s natural for a work about Pearl Harbour not to peep a word of the Holocaust. But when the foundation of the comic rests on Nazi soldiers and the people directly fighting them, the absence of the Holocaust aspect feels like there’s something missing. As a thought experiment, I tried to imagine if the comic would have worked if it had taken place in WWI instead. The protagonists are similar, so are, roughly, the battlefields. There is virtually no reason why WWI Germany wouldn’t work as an antagonist in a sci-fi comic. In fact I’m pretty sure there’s at least one comic out there with this scenario. And yet it feels like Über wouldn’t work at all in WWI. As a second thought experiment, I wondered if the premise would have worked if the Allies had come up with the enhanced human first and realized I’d invented Captain America.

In both instances, the transposition doesn’t work, because of one reason : Nazis. As I said earlier, there is something irreplaceable in the combination of Nazi characters and Nazi ideology-based sci-fi. Über doesn’t work as simply “a war comic in which one side gets enhancing technology” because its core relies way too much on our shared understanding and approach to Nazis. And this is where the absence of a Holocaust narrative in the plot can deprive it of meaning. Nazism is Nazism and not Any Other Nationalist ideology because of the Holocaust. The world we live in today is built on the identity between Nazism and the Holocaust. You cannot think of one without thinking of the other. So when Über rests its premise on Nazism while consciously avoiding discussing the Holocaust, it’s effectively using Nazis out of their context and into a made-up one. It borrows the cultural significance of Nazism while cutting out its signifier.

This leads to a bizarre situation in which only two of the Nazis featured in Hitler are ever seen partaking in Nazi ideology, and the people who are actually seen torturing an –  albeit willing – Jewish character are British. A situation in which the entire core of the racist Nazi ideology feels like a bygone idea destined to die with an insane Hitler to make room for tacticians and economists.

 To reiterate, I don’t know if leaving the Holocaust out was the wrong decision or not. Maybe the risk of feeling exploitative was too great and the creative team was wise to leave it out as much as possible. But as a result, it can’t help but lean a bit more on erasure. The fact is that when your mean of respecting something is to leave it out, then you won’t have the opportunity to compensate for whatever opposite content does make it in the comic. There is nothing offensive about the Holocaust in Über, but there’s nothing reverent about it either.

  Prisoners of fate

 In fact, there’s not much reverence for anything inside Über. There is respect as I’ve discussed earlier, on a structural level, determined by what makes it into the comic. But what gets to be on the page cannot expect any kind of special, tasteful treatment. I think Über readers only learned exactly what they were in for with the concurrent deaths of Hitler and Churchill. If Hitler gets regularly offed by more or less talented creators, Winston Churchill is one of the Gandalfs of WW2, an immediately reassuring presence who eases out your reading by bringing one certainty to it : no matter how bad things get, he’s not going to die. This is the most commonly adopted bias in WW2-based materials : preserving historical figures in order not to throw the audience too much off track. In Über, historical figures enjoy no such immunity. This is an extreme but equally crafty solution to the coexistence of reality-based and purely fictional characters. This is a problem with which a fair share of WW2-based works struggle. Take something like Costa-Gravas’ Amen : the superposition of real-life figure Kurt Gerstein and fictional character Riccardo Fontana doesn’t work at all, as they both serve basically the same narrative purpose and diminish each other’s impact on the story. But in Über, a character’s real-life basis always comes second to the internal logic of the story. That’s not to say there isn’t room for them in the grand scheme of things, but as more and more enhanced characters take the stage, these characters can’t help but feel more and more irrelevant. That is maybe the great paradox at the heart of Über, that it still features a division between the enhanced soldiers instead of one between them and regular humans – a transition Wicdiv underwent recently. I suspect the simplifier or this paradox lies on what Über has to say on Authority, but I’m saving that subject for a separate essay.

 But this “no character is ever safe” stance contributes to another sentiment that runs all the way through Über : implacability. This is a very fatalistic comic, probably even more than Wicdiv. This is particularly palpable in the fight scenes. Despite what the covers would have you think, battles in Über are quite short : four, five pages at best before something breaks it down. But most importantly, they are predictable. There is no last minute turnaround in Über : the second the protagonists collide, you know who’s going to fall short. The only unknown factor is just how scarring this defeat will be. Not only that, there is no narrative logic as to who’s going to emerge the winner : Allies are not due a victory because they last suffered a loss, no side can expect proportional returns to its sacrifices, no battleship is guaranteed to win out of virtue of being a charismatic character. There is only one law in Über, and that’s the Rule of war. The winning side wins because they had the superior technology, the superior information, the superior strategy. The issue of a battle is settled long before the two enhanced fighters even meet, as two groups of high-ranking officers stand above some maps. This is why the story of Über so often seems to be happening in its own background : most of the time, what we see is a consequence of the plot more than the plot itself.

The story is not completely devoid of typically Gillen-esque clever bits, like the “cloning” of Hitler and pretty much everything about Maria. But those are outstanders waiting to be integrated in the grand logic of the story, and until then, often feel out of place – Maria in particular.

 Then there is the second lens we have to see the story through, one that gives the story the full measure of its fatalistic weight : the narration. I said I wasn’t particularly touched by the art on its own ; however, the contrast between the extreme graphics and the cold, factual narration is one of the comic’s best assets. One of the issues’ back pages feature a script excerpt describing a gory mutated monster in very graphic details ; but this sort of writing never makes it into Über. The narration is abundant, but always curiously removed from the visual action, at times even clunky and annoying to read. I wasn’t sure how to make sense of it until I got to a particular description of a piece of art created by the power of the enhanced men. What was interesting is the mention that it was the “first” one, something that would be impossible to know unless you were observing the scene from a distant point in the future. The narration is dry for a reason : this is archivist talk. Whatever perspective we’re observing the story from, this is one that is way ahead of us, possessing some additional information, short on more trivial matters. Über only tricks you into thinking this is a re-actualisation of WW2 : in its own timeline, the war we’re looking at is long over. The fictional heroes, the historical figures, the technological progress, the countries, they are all trapped in their little sandbox, playing a game that only seems undecided, when in reality everything that will happen will do so to arrive at that unknown moment in the future, the vantage point from which we are watching the ants burn each other.

  How can you read Über while holding this intense feeling of vanity ? You can’t ; you have to get into the story, do what the narration cannot do, get closer to these characters, and try to understand them. But you can never fully connect with them either : you are from a different world, both outside and inside the story, a world built on the ashes of the one fuming under your eyes. A world that had to reinvent itself to make sense of the contagious barbarity born of revenge, ideology and desperation. What does the world Über is talking to us from look like ? Does is look like ours ? Is it better ? Worse ? Only one thing is certain : it, too, has suffered a scar. One that may never actually have healed. And this is why, despite the inherent limitations of its premise, despite maybe being too well-minded for its own good, despite the tragic irony of trying to one-up the Nazi threat right at the time it’s being proven the world doesn’t need any kind of incentive to fall for the exact same act a second time, I still think there’s a place for something like Über in WW2-based material. At its core, like several other works over the last year, and maybe premonitorily, Über is about what killed the world.