#I had this idea on my daily walk yesterday and I had to make it

[pixelatedraindrops]

Shinigami 🌡️ Sprite Edits

So can Death Gods catch a cold?

They can because "I" say so 😈🌡️

Yuma

NDA

Makoto

Peacekeepers

With a confused and concerned Yuma in the middle of an investigation. It doesn't take a detective to know something's wrong with her 😵‍💫

Too bad Yuma can't tell since she's a ghost and they cannot touch each other.

(Pt. 1 to something else I'm making later XD)

[grumpypixistix]

The lab assistant

Scientist!Miguel O’Hara x Shy!Reader

Warnings- Face sitting, slight corruption kink, slightly perverted!Miguel (if you squint), co-workers being dickheads, semi-public sex (let me know if I missed anything! )

MINORS DNI 18+

You had been working at Alchemax for a few months now. A few of your colleagues were generous enough to introduce you to the workplace and the other workers, but there was one person you couldn’t keep your eyes off of.

Miguel O’Hara.

When you first introduced yourself to him, he had already taken a liking to you. Something about how shy yet sweet you were made his pulse quicken and his cheeks burn. The way you smiled at him as you tried to introduce yourself, nervous about your first day at Alchemax. But you quickly felt at home when Miguel began to bond with you by taking over your “tour” of the place, making great conversation. Soon enough, your shell had cracked and you started talking about your personal interests, how you got hired, etc.

About a week after that day, he went home and couldn’t stop thinking about you for some reason. He didn’t know what to make of it, thinking it wasn’t too serious.

But then you started appearing in his dreams.

Miguel would dream about leaving marks everywhere on your body to claim you as his, fucking every ounce of innocence out of you.

And when he would wake up in a cold sweat, his cock was nearly on the verge of exploding, precum dripping everywhere. He felt guilty about it afterwards, it was just wrong for him to think about his colleague like that.

But you plagued his mind consistently. The dreams slowly turned into daily thoughts that he finally caved into, fisting his cock at least four times a day to the thought of your body. But you had no clue what he was doing after he got off of work. You just assumed that he only saw you as a co-worker and nothing else, maybe even a good friend.

But God, were you so far off from the truth.

As you entered the building for another shift of the week, your boss had approached you with some new information.

“I’m really sorry this is a last minute notice, but I need you to stay a little later. I tried to get some other people to stay instead, but all of them couldn’t do it… but on the bright side, Miguel volunteered to stay, so you won’t be completely alone.”

Great, just what you needed. A longer shift after your horrible week.

Even though some of your colleagues were nice to you, there was a group that wasn’t as generous as them. Some of them claimed that you were too clumsy or stupid to be an assistant, others claimed you were like a lost dog or a prude. Whatever they said, you tried not to pay attention to it too much. But there were days where it would get to you, and this week happened to have a bunch of those days.

You just nodded at your boss and shot him the best smile you could muster up.

“Alright then, that shouldn’t be a problem, sir” You said in a friendly tone.

“At least Miguel will be here with me… maybe I can talk to him, get my stress out” You thought to yourself as you walked off to start your shift.

When you walked into the lab and took your coat off of the hanger, you could hear some voices from the other side of the room.

“Oh great, look who’s here.”

“God, I don’t even know why she’s still here. She should’ve been fired months ago, she doesn’t even know what she’s doing.”

“I’m surprised Miguel even hangs out with her, she’s such a prude.”

“Hell, you should’ve seen the look on her face yesterday. She practically bursted into tears when we called her useless.”

The other comments stung a little, but what got you the most was the part about Miguel. Sure, you had developed a small crush on him, but that had nothing to do with your guy’s friendship. The fact that the other colleagues had judged your bond just to get a laugh hurt you more than you felt it should’ve.

God forbid if they ever found out about your feelings for Miguel… you couldn’t help but become paranoid over the idea.

As you tried to ignore the group across the room and focus on your tasks, it seemed that one of them had read your mind and called you over.

Shit.

“Hey, newbie! Come over here real quick, we gotta ask you somethin“ One of your colleagues called out.

Your heart pounded hard inside your chest, quietly gulping before walking over to the group with a small sigh.

“What do you need?” You asked gently, silently praying it was something work-related and not just making fun of you again.

Some of the others chuckled and chattered a little bit before falling quiet.

“Sooo, you’re friends with Miguel, right?” The female colleague from before asked.

Your palms began to grow sweaty as sirens went off in your mind, biting your cheek before answering.

“Yeah, why?” You raised your brow at your co-worker.

Your co-worker slowly smiled. Oh no.

“Well, we were just thinking… with the way you act around him and all… you definitely have a thing for him, don’t you?”

Your whole chest sunk to your stomach, wishing this was just some horrible dream and that you would wake up soon. Trying to play it off, your eyes widened at the question and you shook your head vigorously.

“What?? No, he’s just my friend-“

“That wasn’t my question. I asked if you have a thing for him” She cuts off coldly.

Some of the others snickered quietly, making your throat close up as you tried to hold your emotions back. Your face contorted into confusion at the strange question, the others taking notice of it.

“Oh my god, she’s clueless” One of the colleagues muttered with a small chuckle.

Your co-worker lets out a small laugh as she noticed your face, clicking her tongue and shaking her head.

“Here, let me dumb it down for you: do you ever fantasize about having sex with Miguel?”

Your whole face flushed bright red as it clicked into your head, slowly shaking your head.

“N- No… that’s… that’s wrong” You stuttered, looking at your co-worker.

She stares at you with a raised brow, not believing you at all.

“Okay, sure… but you still like him, right? Being a prude and all, surely you at least have a crush on him.”

“Please, don’t call me that-“

“Or what? Huh? You gonna run off to your little boyfriend and cry in his arms? I’m sure he’ll baby you, he does every time he sees you” She hisses.

The feeling in your throat grew even stronger, your eyes slowly beginning to water. But you didn’t want to prove her theory, so you just stood there silently, not knowing what else to say. As the silence grew more, some of the colleagues just laughed.

“Wow… you really are stupid, aren’t you?”

“Who’s stupid?” A voice emerges from the entrance of the room, making everyone fall silent.

It was Miguel, standing with his arms crossed and his brows furrowed. The group of colleagues weren’t laughing or smiling anymore- instead, they actually looked nervous. The female coworker looked over at you for a quick moment before flashing a smile at Miguel.

“Oh, nothing! It was just something we were talking about from yesterday. Right, hon?” The co-worker said in an overly sweet tone, forcing herself to smile at you.

You froze, not wanting anymore conflict with the group, so you just went along with it. You quietly nodded your head and looked over at Miguel, giving your best smile.

“Mhm, it was just stuff from yesterday” You mustered up as your voice shook a little.

Miguel didn’t buy it at all, seeing how your eyes glistened, tears threatening to leave them at any second. He shot your co-worker a glare before looking back at you, a sigh leaving his lips.

“Ah, alright then… do you have the paperwork from last week? I just wanna make sure everything is right” Miguel spoke to you, his face softening a little.

You quickly nodded and walked away from the group to your clipboard that was in one of the desk drawers, skimming through the pile of papers to look for the documents. The group just watched as you eventually found the papers Miguel was referring to, handing them to him. He took out his glasses from his coat pocket and put them on, reading the sheet of paper. After a few moments of silence, Miguel took off his glasses and looked over at you, handing the paper back.

“This is perfect. Thank you, sweetheart. I don’t think I’ve ever seen paperwork better than this and I’ve worked here longer than anyone else has” Miguel praised, a gentle smile formed on his lips.

“Thank you, Miguel. That means a lot to me” You hummed in appreciation, returning the smile.

The praise alone made you forget about the whole situation from earlier, but the smile comforted you even more. Your cheeks burned up as you felt your whole body tingle, a small smile creeping up your lips. The feeling Miguel made you have was insatiable, you just couldn’t get enough of it. You wanted more of him, to have his lips on yours…

You almost forgot that there were other people in the room. Almost.

The sound of low muttering made your head turn towards the group, the co-worker giving you a dirty look before the group parted separate ways. You set the paper on the table and Miguel leans down to whisper in your ear.

“We’ll talk about this later.”

Your head spun when you felt his warm breath tickle your skin, almost not realizing what he just said. When you finally processed it, you looked at Miguel and nodded a little. For once, you were actually kind of glad your boss made you work later.



After hours of working and following Miguel around for assistance (as he asked for your presence), it was time for the others to go home. Usually, you would be getting off at this time, but since you had to stay later, that meant you would have to pick up dinner on your way back home. You didn’t really mind since it would save you time and energy to make food at home.

Plus you didn’t mind since it meant you could spend more time with Miguel.

Speaking of which, you couldn’t help but notice something was a little off with him. You assumed it was because of what happened earlier, because he seemed a little more tense than normal. But after everyone had left, he looked over at you, glad that the two of you were finally alone. You were finishing out today’s paperwork, slouching over the desk as you tried to fight off your tiredness. Miguel walked over to you and gently took the pen out of your hand, turning your chair around to face him.

“Everyone left, it’s just us. Now… about what happened earlier…” Miguel started, bending down to your height, “Tell me. What exactly did they say to you?”

Your face burned up a little as his face was inches away from yours, struggling to find your words. He just stared at you, waiting for an answer. But after a few moments of silence, his face softened and he let out a small breath, resting his large hand on your thigh.

“I won’t say a word to anyone, I promise. I just want to know what’s wrong… when I got here, you were on the verge of tears” Miguel spoke softly.

The feeling of his hand on your thigh made your chest flutter and your stomach turn, trying to keep your composure as much as you could. He was only just trying to comfort you… right?

“They… they were asking me questions…” You began, still debating whether or not you should leave out a few details.

Miguel hummed a little as he listened to you, his other hand now on your other thigh as he gently caressed your skin. Your stomach felt fuzzy and warm, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Questions about what? C’mon hermosa, you can tell me” He coos, tucking a small strand of hair out of your face.

You swallowed hard and bit your lip hard before answering hesitantly.

“They were… questions a- about you.”

Miguel stopped and looked at you, gently grabbing your chin and forcing you to look up at him.

“What did they ask about me?”

You stared up at him for a few moments and finally spoke again.

“They… they were asking if… I liked you” You whispered quietly.

That caught Miguel off-guard.

His eyes widened at you just the slightest, analyzing your face to see if you were messing with him. Once he noticed your flushed cheeks and nervous look, he knew you weren’t joking. After a moment of tense silence, Miguel licked his lips and started talking.

“…Do you?” Miguel asked lowly, looking down at your lips and up at your eyes.

His question had you in a slight panic, weighing out the odds. If you told him how you felt, it would either change your entire friendship or you would be stuck working alone for the rest of your time at Alchemax. Either one of those options sounded horrible, but if you didn’t tell him now, you were certain the group from earlier would do it eventually. Your heart raced so quick, Miguel swore he could hear it clearly. A shaky sigh left your lips and you nodded at him.

“Yeah… I do” You mumbled, scared that he would react negatively.

But instead, Miguel just chuckled softly and smiled at you, his hand cupping your face and his thumb dragging down your bottom lip.

“That’s good to know… because I’ve also liked you for quite some time now” Miguel responded, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

Your eyes widened at his response, a look of hope on your face as you slowly smiled.

“Really?” You squeaked.

Miguel chuckled again and nodded at you, his eyes flicking down to your lips.

“Of course I do… how could I not?” He whispered, his face slowly inching closer to yours.

Your face flushed all the way to your ears, finding yourself drifting towards him. Closer, closer and closer until you finally feel his warm lips on yours. It felt like hundreds of fireworks were exploding in your chest, slowly wrapping your arms around him and holding Miguel close. You were almost afraid to let go, and he seemed to notice this. Miguel gently moved his hands down to your waist, pulling you up out of the chair and into his arms. The more you kissed him, the harder it became for Miguel to keep his composure. He wanted to take things slow with you, not wanting to scare you away. But God, was it a challenge for him to just keep his hands on your hips.

After a little bit, Miguel finally broke the kiss to catch his breath, already panting softly. He looked at you and let out a groan that awoken something inside you.

“Shit, do you have any idea what you do to me?” Miguel huffed quietly, his thumbs barely peeking up the hem of your shirt and rubbing the bare skin of your stomach.

You just stared up at him, your mind still foggy from the kiss you two had shared moments ago. You shook your head with a quiet “No…”

Miguel sighed and looked down at your chest, his cock twitching inside his pants. He didn’t even bother hiding his erection anymore, moving your hips against his to show you the effect you had on him. You let out a gasp at the strange feeling, your fingers digging into his shoulders as your whole body felt hot now.

“I can’t help it… you’re just so fucking sweet… you haunt me in my dreams, I swear to god. Every night when I go to bed, all I can dream about is you and that fucking body of yours… all just for me.”

Your eyes widened at his words, not expecting him to say those kind of things to you. Normally, you’d be freaked out or even scared… but something about the way Miguel looked at you made you feel different. You weren’t sure if it was from the kiss earlier or your feelings for him in general, but you felt… ready in a sense. When Miguel saw your eyes widen at his words, his face dropped as he suddenly became worried.

“…Was that too much?” Miguel whispered gently, his brows furrowed together.

You slowly shook your head and placed a soft kiss to his cheek.

“No… I- If anything, I… I sometimes have dreams about you, too…” You admitted with a quiet tone, looking away.

Miguel nearly went off the rails when you told him that, his pants feeling tighter around his dick. He moved you closer to him once more, moving your hair to the side.

“Mierda… Tell me about your dreams…” Miguel mumbled against you, pressing slow kisses to your cheek and down your neck.

Your thighs pressed together as a wet patch formed in your panties, your stomach flipping as you felt his lips against your skin. A shaky breath left your mouth, nearly moaning from how good it felt to have Miguel treat you this way. It was definitely wrong, but it felt so right. If anyone else had stayed with you two during the late shift and caught you like this, you’d be fired on the spot.

But nobody else was here. Just the two of you.

“S- sometimes I dream about you k- kissing me like this… and even…” Your voice faltered as you quickly grew shy again, biting down on your lip.

Miguel kissed and nipped at your neck, leaving little marks on your skin.

“Go on, Cariño…”

You swallowed before speaking again, letting a soft moan slip out.

“Even… touching me…”

Miguel moaned at that, causing your head to spin even more. You felt so hot that you swore you were going to pass out, but luckily you didn’t. He moved up to place a firm kiss on your lips, pulling away to look at you.

“Have I done anything more than just touching you in your dreams?” Miguel muttered lowly, his lips wet and raw.

You thought for a second before slowly shaking your head with a small breath.

“I always woke up before… before I could find out…” You answered Miguel.

Miguel frowned at that, looking at the marks on your neck before making direct eye contact with you. He sighed and shook his head, clicking his tongue.

“Well… do you wanna know what I’d do to you in my dreams?”

You nodded at him, genuinely curious as to what he dreamed about when you weren’t there with him. His forehead pressed against yours as his lips were centimeters away from your lips, his hands trailing from your waist down to your ass.

“In my dreams… I’d have you sit on my face and I’d make you cum over and over again until your legs give out..”

The image Miguel just gave you nearly made you collapse. You felt weak to your knees, a gentle whine escaping your lips. Miguel squeezed your thighs and kissed you once more, his hands moving up to the hem of your shirt. He parted from you to look at your face.

“Can I?” Miguel asked, wanting to make sure you were okay with this before he went any farther.

You looked at him for a few moments before making a decision, whispering out a small “Yes” to him. He took that as his green light and gently took your coat off first before moving to your shirt. He rolled the material up your body and over your head, helping you take your shirt off. Once you were topless in front of him, Miguel’s eyes scanned your chest. He muttered something quietly in Spanish before letting out a breathy sigh.

“Have I ever told you just how beautiful you are?” He coos softly.

Your face burned up as you felt vulnerable in front of him, but when Miguel spoke, you slowly started to become more comfortable. A bashful expression appeared on your face as you just shook your head.

“Not entirely…”

Miguel hummed gently as he pressed a kiss to your forehead, reaching towards your back to unclip your bra.

“Well… I think you’re the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met… every time I see you, it’s always hard for me to look away. Shit, baby, it’s even hard for me to look away in my dreams. I wouldn’t give it up for any other view… you’re so fucking beautiful, sweetheart” Miguel spoke in between kisses to your face and lips while gently kneading your exposed breasts.

You couldn’t help but moan at his words mixed with his touch, kissing him back each time he placed a kiss onto your soft lips. Miguel couldn’t get enough of the sweet sounds you made, craving even more from you. His hands moved down to unbutton your pants, taking off every last piece of clothing on your body before leaving you completely naked in front of him. Miguel’s breath hitched as he looked at your body.

It was even better than he imagined in his dreams.

Miguel placed small kisses down your neck and collarbone until he made it to your breasts, gently kissing and sucking one while his hand toyed with the other. The sensation made you moan a little louder, biting down on your lip to contain yourself. Miguel seemed to take notice of this and removed his mouth from your nipple.

“You don’t have to be quiet, muñeca… it’s just us. I wanna hear your pretty moans.. god, I’ve been dreaming about this for so long…”

As soon as he said that, his hands gripped your hips and he stared at you with nothing but lust in his eyes. Suddenly, he placed you on top of him as he laid down on the large table in the room. You could feel the tent in his pants right against your wet pussy, a low whine leaving your lips which caused Miguel to groan softly.

“Want you to sit on my face, querida… please…” Miguel begged softly, his hands still on your hips.

You let out a whimper at his request, reluctantly moving so your hips were directly above his face. You were hovering over him, not knowing what else to do. Miguel let out a quiet sigh, not wanting to wait any longer. He wanted to taste you… he had to taste you.

“You’re hovering, sweetheart. Lower your hips for me, ‘kay?” Miguel instructed, looking up at you from between your legs.

You looked down at him, slightly embarrassed from the position you were in. Regardless of how shy you became, you obeyed Miguel anyways, slowly lowering your hips a little.

“Is this g-“ Before you could even get your question out, Miguel’s mouth immediately attached to your clit.

You let out a loud gasp and moaned, Miguel’s tongue exploring your folds and licking up your juices. He let out a low growl that sent vibrations through your body, making you squirm and cry out.

“Joder, nena, sabes tan dulce… todo para mi~” Miguel moaned, his head moving up more to lick and suck on your clit again.

You whimpered as he sucked on your clit again, afraid that you would crush him if you moved your hips any lower. Miguel’s hands moved up to your ass and groped it tightly, his tongue poking your hole and sliding inside of you. The warm and wet feeling made your hands slam down on the table, trying not to drop your hips directly onto his face. Small pants left your mouth as his tongue fucked your hole and his nose brushed up against your sensitive clit, moaning as you kept your eyes shut tightly.

That’s when you felt Miguel’s hands grip your hips and his tongue slips out of your pussy, making you whine in response. You gasp as he pulls your hips down with such force, your eyes widening as you look down at him.

“Ay, Cariño, what did I tell you ‘bout the hovering? Stop hovering and sit on my face” Miguel scolded, spanking your ass as he goes back to licking and sucking your poor abused clit.

You cried out as you felt a new wave of pleasure form inside you, sobbing as he hit all of your spots with his mouth.

“Miguel~! Mig-“ You gasped, pulling his hair with one hand as the other stayed on the table for support.

But Miguel could care less if you suffocated him. Hell, he wanted you to. The sound of his name coming from your lips nearly made him cum in his pants right then and there. Every pretty noise that came out of your mouth was better than his dreams alone, not wanting you to stop. Miguel kissed and teased your clit more, savoring your taste as much as possible. His breath grew heavier and heavier as sweat trickled down his temples, burying his face in your pussy.

Miguel’s mouth left your clit with a small ‘pop’ as he re-entered his tongue inside your soaked hole, making you rut your hips against his face. The way his nose bumped your clit and his warm tongue stuffed inside you made your eyes roll back, your legs twitching already.

“God, don’t stop~ please don’t stop, Miggy~ feels s’good~” You begged pathetically, your shy demeanor now leaving your body.

Miguel moaned against you and spanked your ass hard once more, his fingers digging into your thighs. His own hips twitched against nothing as he listened to your pleads and moans, fucking you with his tongue relentlessly. With the way you begged so nicely for him to keep going, Miguel swore he could feel his precum seeping through his boxers and pants. How could he refuse you?

“Miguel-! I- I think I’m-“ You tried to warn him that you were close, your legs nearly giving out on you.

If it weren’t for Miguel’s large hands holding your hips up, you definitely would’ve collapsed on his face. But you were so desperate to cum, continuing to grind on his face as he licked a fat stripe from your hole to your clit. He caught his breath and looked up at you for a moment, his eyes dark and full of arousal.

“Go ahead, princesa… cum for me” Miguel moaned, going back to sucking your clit.

With just those words alone, the coil inside your stomach broke. You cried out loudly as you came, chanting his name over and over again. Your legs shook and you nearly collapsed onto him, Miguel catching you just in time. He licked up every drop of your release, making sure to not let it go to waste. You whimpered as he continued to lick your sensitive pussy, becoming overstimulated from his tongue. Your hands pressed down onto the table to hold yourself up, catching your breath as you carefully crawled off of his face.

As you sat down on the table next to Miguel, he sat up straight and faced you, panting heavily. Your eyes widened as you saw his chin was soaked from your juices, a dark blush forming across your cheeks. Miguel noticed your face as he finally caught his breath, a small laugh leaving his lips.

“How do you feel?” Miguel asked, licking his lips and wiping his chin off with his coat sleeve.

A soft breath left your mouth as you looked at him, a sheepish smile forming on your face, “I feel… I feel like that was the best thing I’ve ever experienced..”

Miguel chuckled and leaned over to you, placing a tender kiss to your lips. You melted against him and returned the kiss, slowly pulling away to look at him.

“I’m glad I could make you feel like that… say, uh… our shift actually ended like… 10 minutes ago” Miguel spoke as he checked his watch.

Your eyes widened as you looked around for your discarded clothes, Miguel quickly grabbing them before you could get off of the table.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I got it. Just sit for a little bit, catch your breath” He mumbled, putting your clothes back on for you.

Your chest fluttered as he did so, smiling at him in a loving way. Miguel noticed this and chuckled as he helped you put your panties back on.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing… I was just wondering.. do you wanna stay the night at my place?” You offered, moving your hips a little as Miguel clothed you.

Miguel grinned widely at the offer, placing a peck to your forehead and nodding.

“Of course, I’d like that… I’ll buy dinner for us on the way there. My treat for this” Miguel hummed, putting your shirt on and placing soft kisses to your knuckles.

Your smile widened as he said that, pulling him in for a kiss. Miguel wrapped his arms around you as he kissed you back, his forehead pressed against yours as you two pulled away. He helped you off of the table and the both of you made your way out of the building, holding your hand and rubbing his thumb across your skin.

“Oh, by the way… I heard everything that happened with your co-workers. I was listening the whole time” Miguel admitted, looking over at you.

Your head whipped over to him, a surprised expression on your face. “You were-??”

“Yeah, but don’t worry about it. I actually got promoted as a manager a few weeks ago, so…”

Your eyes widened as a small gasp left your lips. “Wait, so that means-“

“That means you won’t be having to deal with them for much longer. I know those assholes have been messing with you since you got here… plus, everything they said about you is wrong. You’re the best worker this place has to offer and those dickheads have been here longer than you have” Miguel responded to you, placing a kiss to your temple.

A grin formed on your lips as joy filled your chest, squeezing Miguel’s hand.

“Thank you, Miguel… that means everything to me.”

“Of course. I gotta make sure my girl is okay.”

You let out a laugh as he said that, placing a soft kiss on his cheek as you walked with him down the street.

“So, is that your way of saying I’m your girlfriend now?” You chuckled.

“Only if you want to be” Miguel answered with a smirk.

You gently smacked his shoulder with your other hand and scoffed playfully, earning a laugh from him.

“Of course I do, Miguel.”

“Good. Because I’m not letting you go.”

[cherryredstars]

hello cherry!!

I really love your work, and I was wondering if you could do a second part of Miguel being CEO (In the job description)

I'm very sorry if I don't express myself well, English is not my first language

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x fem!reader

Warnings: 18+, Smut with Some Plot, Semi-Public Sex, Use of Vibrators, Penetrative Sex, Mirror Sex, Slight Slapping

Summary: Don’t accept gifts from your boss…or wear it. 

A/N: I made an alternate version of this (basically part 1.5), so let me know if you guys want me to post that one!

Word Count: 3K (Not Edited)

Reverse AU Part 1 Part 1.5

It was extremely unprofessional.

That’s what you thought when Miguel passed by your desk the morning after your little… moment in his office. He gave you a fleeting smirk as he placed a medium-sized black box right in front of you. A deep blush spread across your face, unable to meet his eyes while he stared at you for a few minutes before walking away and shutting the door to his office. An uneasy feeling filled your stomach as you watched the door before sliding your eyes over the box.

It was the type of box someone would get clothes in for Christmas, only pricer and better quality. A pretty silk ribbon held the lid and bottom together, in a matching matte black color. Carefully, you pulled at one of the ends, the bow easily unraveling. When you took the ribbon off, a deeper blush spread over your body as you saw the words engraved into the cardboard. 

Stamped on the box was the name of the popular lingerie store in the shopping district. It was a store you passed by daily on your way to and from work, and a store that was most definitely out of your price range even with the gracious salary you had. Your hands instantly slapped over the words, leaning over your desk to see if anyone was coming or if Miguel was making any move to leave his office. When the coast was clear, you hesitantly sat back down. 

You cleared your throat nervously, staring at the box before giving into your curiosity. As gently as possible, you lifted the lid of the box, face slightly hiding behind it to obscure your view. An exhale leaves you as maroon tissue paper covers whatever is inside. You take another deep breath before leaning forward and lifting one flap of the tissue paper. A surprised gasp leaves you, staring at the 3 pairs of lacy underwear in the box. 

Each panty is made from lacy material, making them slightly see-through. When you run your hands over them, they’re delicate to the touch and you can tell its high quality stuff. Each one is a different color. The first is a set of white panties to replace the ones from yesterday that Miguel claims to have no idea about. The second one, a deep navy blue that is fairly similar to the navy blue of Miguel’s favorite designer suits. And lastly, a blush color that rivals the one across your cheeks. 

You’re so caught up in just marveling at the contents of the package, that you don’t realize Miguel is standing in front of your desk until he starts speaking. “I take it you like them?”

You’re instantly jolted and clumsily try to cover up the panties and close the box. You’re sure if someone saw your face, it would be a damn near perfect color match to one of those pairs of panties. You shyly look up at Miguel clearing your throat and leaning back in your chair to create more distance between the two of you. “I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

A lazy smirk spreads against Miguel’s face before he shakes his head in amusement. “I was calling you into my office, but you didn’t seem to hear the buzzer.” He hums, eyes trained on the black box he gifted you. You can tell he’s tempted to say something by the way his mouth straightens and his brows furrow slightly, but he ends up not commenting on it and continues what he was saying before. “I was going to tell you that the charity fundraiser is this weekend, and we have to attend to meet the new potential merger.” 

His words make you want to grab the box on your desk and slam it against your head a few trillion times. It’s no secret that both you and Miguel hate the monthly fundraisers. Okay, that sounds bad. Both you and Miguel are happy that somewhere over a hundred grand gets donated to great charities, it’s just the whole business aspect of it you hate. Having to sit around with smiles that are so fake that they cause the muscles of your cheeks to ache, listening to some old CEO who is in dire need to retire spew on and on about very old fashioned beliefs, and the undercooked batches of pasta they serve at the venues are barely anything to gush about. 

Miguel can sense the discontent rolling off of you in waves, an apologetic sigh leaving his lips. “Do you need a dress or shoes? It’s the Unique charity this year, black-tie event as per usual.”

A heavy sigh leaves you and your finger traces the edge of the box. You mentally go through your closet, trying to remember if you have any appropriate dresses that you haven’t worn in previous years. You come up blank, an oncoming migraine forming at your temple. “I’ll figure something out.”

Miguel gives a displeased hum, knocking his fists against your desk. He leans away, fixing the sleeves of his button up and ruffling his hair. “No worries, I’ll have LYLA send you authorization for my business card and a few dress and shoes options.”

You’re about to protest, but the sound of his phone ringing interrupts you. Miguel rolls his eyes as he sees the contact, answering it and turning away as he grumbles out a greeting. He walks towards his office and turns to give you one last nod before entering. A deep sigh leaves you and you close your eyes as you lean back into your chair. You squint one eye open, eyeing the box before stuffing it in your bag with a huff.

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿‿︵

“Oh god, oh god, oh god!” 

You run around your small apartment, nothing but a towel covering your body. Your hair is the only thing done, going for an easy blow drying and curling. You groan when you see the pile of laundry in your room, rummaging in your panty drawer to find nothing but a few that are in desperate need to be thrown away due to their worn out state. You’re on the verge of crying when you see the black box thrown carelessly on top of your other drawer. 

You bite your lip, nerves swallowing your being. You weren’t ever planning to wear them, I mean they’re from your boss for god’s sake! But really, you have no choice. With an annoyed groan and exhale, you grab the box and grab the navy blue pair, the color matching the color of your dress. You hastily slip them on, rushing back and forth between your bathroom and your bedroom to do your makeup and get dressed. 

By the time you finish the struggle of zipping up your dress, your phone rings with Miguel’s number. You grab your phone and your purse, answering as you slip on your heels. Miguel’s gruff voice echos as you press the speaker option and unlock your door. He grumbles that the driver is outside your house and you hum in acknowledgement as you check your bag for everything you need as you shut the door behind you after locking it. You rush down the hall and into the elevator, tapping your foot impatiently as you wait to reach the ground floor. 

Once the doors slide open, you’re speed walking to the exit and instantly spotting the sleek black car right against the curb. Miguel stands by the car door, a loud ping ringing from his phone that causes his brows to furrow. He looks up at the sound of your heels, that furrowed look still on his face as he eyes you up and down. You copy his facial expression, asking him what’s wrong. He only looks back down at his phone, dismissing whatever it was and opening the car door for you.

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿‿︵

You have no idea how you got here. 

The second you and Miguel entered the venue, the both of you had down a flute of champagne and gone through the agonizingly long process of greeting every current and future business partner that was present. Everything was going fine, your fake smile was yet to ache and the desserts looked promising. That was until, of course, a sharp zap ran up your spine as you felt something vibrating against you. 

You had choked on your words, trying to play it off with an abrupt sip of alcohol and a strained laugh as you conversed with some of Miguel’s business partners while he dismissed himself for a quick run to the bar. It had been sudden, maybe a trick played on you by your own mind, until it started again. But this time, it was more intense. You had hurriedly excused yourself, making up some excuse before dashing towards the bathroom. 

You rushed through the door, sighing in relief when no one else was inside. You hurried to the counter of sinks, leaning your elbows on the surface as you bent over and hissed. The vibration, that was most definitely coming from your fucking panties, just seemed to be more intense as you shifted from leg to leg and clenched your thighs to relieve the feeling. A struggling whimper left you as you lifted your head to look into the mirror, jumping when you see Miguel leaned against a bathroom stall and staring at you. You must not have heard him enter through the foggy mess in your head. 

You instantly snap up, legs crossed as you turn around and clutch the edge of the counter tightly. You open your mouth, about to scold Miguel for being in the women’s bathroom, but another desperate whine leaves you as the vibration around your clit focuses on the perfect spot from your new stance. Miguel’s brow raises as his eyes ghost down your form, catching the way sweat begins to break on your hairline. A lazy smirk crosses his face when he pulls out his phone from his dress pants, tapping around it a few times before you slouch. 

A sense of relief fills you as the strong vibrating stops and your clit is given a break. A heavy sigh leaves you, head tilting down before the realization hits you. Your head instantly snaps up, your wide eyes meeting Miguel’s mischievous ones. Of course. What else would he do but give you fucking vibrating panties. Your eyes trail down to his phone, watching as he taps it with his thumb again and suddenly the vibration is back. Your body tenses up again, and you watch helplessly as Miguel walks over to you. 

He presses his hand into the front of your dress, directly over your panties. The pressure of his hand makes the vibration stronger, and a choked gasp leaves you. Miguel hums, feeling the strong vibrations through your dress, his eyes moving to your face. “I didn’t think you’d ever wear ‘em.”

That makes two of us, You think as your eyes squint into a glare, biting the inside of your cheek to prevent a noise threatening to spill out. Your hands come up to hold onto Miguel’s wrist, trying weakly to take his hand away. He only chuckles, pressing his hand harder against you before taking it away. Your hands fall from him, insead returning to grip on the counter when he turns you around quickly. A wave of deja vu hits you when he presses down on your lower back so your chest is fully pressed, his hands hurriedly gathering your dress so the surplus of fabric bunches around your waist. 

His hand skims the center of your underwear, two fingers pressing against your clothed clit. A moan leaves you as the vibrations grow stronger under his fingers, your hips squirming to get away. Miguel’s hand tightens around your waist, making it harder for you to move. He watches you from the mirror, enjoying the concentrated and tortured look on your face. 

“You know,” Miguel starts lazily, fingers starting to draw slow circles on your clit, “You never answered my question before.” A loud gasp leaves you and you hiss out his name after his hand comes to give your clit a firm slap. “Do you like my gift?”

A weak sound leaves you as you bite your lip. Your hips try to press into Miguel’s hand when he starts his slow circles again, crying out when he removes his hand completely. You hear the rustling of a belt buckle and pants, your gasp in sync with the hiss Miguel lets out when he presses the head of his cock into your panties. The vibrations play against his head, his hand holding his base as he rubs himself up and down the length of your panties. His eyes flutter shut, mouth dropping open in a silent moan as he enjoys the feel of your increasingly wet panties and the vibrating. 

His hand pushes your panties to the side, his cock falling forward to poke at your glistening entrance. Even though the vibrating panties aren’t directly over your clit, you can still feel them from their place right besides it. Your own eyes flutter shut, moaning at the feel before Miguel’s hand grasps your face from behind. His large hand squishes your cheeks together and your eyes flutter open to see his face right besides yours in the mirror. Both Miguel’s and your eyes meet in the mirror, his demanding while yours are hazy. 

His tip slightly slides into you and you groan. Miguel’s hold tightens on your face when he pulls out. “Answer the question, preciosa.”

A weak nod leaves you, a puff of air escaping your nose as you lean your hips back to grind slightly against Miguel’s cock. A strangled grunt leaves him and His eyes fall down to where you’re grinding before looking back at you. His breath is hot against your cheek, causing shivers down your spine. “Don’t look away. Just watch.”

Without warning, he slams into you. A loud scream leaves you, eyes threatening to roll back as you watch him. His eyes are dark and focused on where he thrusts brutally into you, your body sliding closer to the mirror before he pulls you back towards him. You make a weak attempt to talk, stuttering out something about the door before he grunts and replies it’s locked. It does little to conceal your worries. As if sensing it, Miguel’s hand slides up to your mouth to cover it, muffling the noises you’re letting out. 

The only sounds that can’t be muffled are the soft, wet sounds that come from his heavy balls hitting against your wet heat. You’re so wet that you’re coating him, a stickiness connecting his balls to your cunt as he thrusts. Your eyes roll back and a harsh slap is thrown against your cheek. Unfocused eyes meet Miguel’s angered ones, his thrusts turning harsher and more punishing as he looks at you disapprovingly.

“I told you to watch. Keep your eyes on the mirror or I'll stop.”

A sound of protest leaves you, mumbling out sorry repeatedly as you try to keep your eyes focused on the mirror. The view is shaking from the way your body jolts with each pump of his hips, but he doesn’t seem to care. If anything, it makes him go faster and try to see how shaky he can make your vision and your legs. His hand gives you one more smack to the cheek before covering your mouth again. 

Your legs feel like they’re about to give out and that hotness is forming at the bottom of your stomach. Miguel’s is fast approaching too, the sensation of your tight, warm walls sucking him in and the slight vibrations running through your walls from the vibrating panties. His hand leaves your hip, moving in between your legs and moving the shaking fabric back over your clit. The angle is awkward, trying to find it under layers of falling fabric from your dress while he’s hammering his cock into you. But eventually he gets it, and you instantly fall apart. 

Your scream is muffled by Migue’s hand, your body shaking as you clench tightly around him and gush all over his cock. Miguel lets out a curse, his thrusts stuttering and becoming clumsy. You call out his name weakly, and he’s gone. He stills with a deep groan, filling you up with his warmth. You both stand there for a moment, basking in the aftershocks of pleasure before you start suffering from overstimulation from the still vibrating underwear. 

You weakly cry out to Miguel, who hurriedly turns on his phone and kills the vibrating. A deep, grateful sigh leaves you as you slump forward. A small moan leaves you when Miguel pulls out, reaching up to the tissue paper dispensers to wipe you and him down. He rebuckles his pants, pulling your panties back in place and your dress down. You flinch when the drenched fabric meets you, half expecting for it to start vibrating again. Instead, another piece of paper tissue is dabbed against your face and neck as Miguel tries to rid your skin of sweat without fully removing your makeup. 

A grateful noise leaves you before you stand up when Miguel steps back. When you turn your head towards him, a soft kiss is pressed to your cheek. Miguel strokes the spot with his thumb, eyes trailing to yours before he looks away and moves towards the door. 

“Not going to steal my panties this time?” You can’t help but call out, hands still gripping the edge of the sinks tightly.

Miguel turns with a teasing smile and shrugs. “Nah, you can keep them this time. Just make sure to wear one of the other pairs to work on Monday.”

A deep flush flows across your face at his innuendo, watching as he unlocks the door and slips out. A deep sigh leaves you as you turn towards the mirror again, an annoyed noise leaving you as you spot imperfections in your makeup. You open your bag, working on small touch-ups as you think back to what occurred a few minutes ago. A small smile crosses your face and you shake your head before you head to follow Miguel back out for another hour of socializing.

Just benefits of the job.

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[brailsthesmolgurl]

PUPPY LOVE?

Preview: You had always been the apple to their eyes. How would they express their affection towards you in highschool?

Warnings: I had to make it slight-slight-slight angsty hehe, teeth-rotting fluff for comfort for my beloved readers <3 btw readers and the boys are highschool kids in this one-shot so no suggestive or anything!

P.S: This idea came to me in the middle of the night and I knew I had to burn the midnight fuel to squeeze all of my brain juice for this piece :> Enjoyyy!

RAFAYEL

You lifted your head up when you heard a chair dragged against the tiled flooring. It came to a halt and down sat the lilac haired fellow, right in front of you, his chin propped on the back of his hand as he leaned down to look at you, a smirk hung on his thin lips. Rafayel. "Someone looked like they had a nightmare yesterday."

"It's none of your business." You furrowed your eyebrows, gaze turned towards the classroom door. More classmates are starting to walk in, greeting each other good mornings and immediately getting into their daily routines of catching up or gossiping. You, on the other hand, do not really belong to any 'gangs'. You find solace within your own bubble and occasionally, do hang out with your only friend, Tara.

The purple haired individual in front of you frowned, your answer unappealing to his taste. This young man sitting in front of you is the lucky charm of your school, and almost everyone dotes on him, headmaster, teachers and students alike. Both of his parents are renowned artists, comparable to Van Gogh and many other artists throughout history books and as expected, Rafayel inherited the same talent as his parents. Rich, handsome, charming and talented, he is basically a girl magnet.

"You do not have to be so rude you know." He stood up when he heard his name being called. Reaching into the pockets of his blazer, he took out two cheese sticks and placed it onto your table. "Here, have this. Your frown makes you look like a shriveled up prune. Some cheese sticks would probably do well for you." He chuckled teasingly and stepped out of your personal bubble, heading out of the classroom.

If glares could kill, you would probably be laying on the floor motionless by now. The cheese sticks that sat at your table were attracting unwanted attention from the girls in your class. You had absolutely no idea why Rafayel would always approach you. The attention you are receiving from him does not beat the attention other girls are getting as well, not that you cared but you just find it odd. A lone girl getting so much attention from the school's celebrity, what would the others think of it? Maybe he is just trying to be friendly. That always remains the reason to your question.

Here comes the other question. You do not think you like him, but why does your heart flutter whenever he is near you? Bidding you good morning and goodbye had became a part of a routine for the both of you. Why would your heartstrings tug whenever you find another girl initiating skinship with him? Why?

*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*

Rinnnggggg. The bell rung, indicating the end of another school day. Students rushed out like ants out of the school premises, flooding the empty hallways. You packed your things, eyeing the time displayed by the clock. 3pm. It is the perfect time for you to go to the art room to practice some drawing. You may not be an artist like the talented Rafayel, but you still do have your own fascination towards drawing and sketching.

You walked in the direction opposite of the flow, passing through the crowd like a fish trying to swim upstream. As you were nearing the art room, someone knocked you over and you fell backwards, with your bagpack being your cushion as you landed back first onto the floor. You still winced upon impact. "Oh look, it's Rafy's pet." The girl that knocked you over crossed her arms, her blond curls tied up in a high ponytail. Oh, it's the school's flower girl, Jarianne, but you guessed it. She is nowhere carrying the aura of a flower.

Sighing, you pushed yourself off of your back, not even having the thought to fight back. "Know your place would you?" Jarianne spoke, studying her oval shaped painted nails. "Rafy might give you cheese sticks every once in a while, but that does not mean anything. Don't get your hopes up, okay sweetie?" Huffing a smile, the mean girl strutted off, leaving you calculating your next steps.

Shrouded with anger, you got up and made your way towards the art room. You are ready to splash some paint onto the canvas, wanting to express your anger in a much more 'healthier' form. She was right. Who are you to be engaged with Rafayel. Someone who is a loner like you should not be in any way associated with someone of such a high status like him. You are halfway at being disappointed at yourself until you slide the door opened and you saw Rafayel in the art room.

He looked ethereal, basked in the warm light of the sun in the midst of a cloudy afternoon, his lilac hair slightly tousled on his head. His back was facing you, but you could tell with the way his paintbrush moved across the canvas with grand gestures, he is painting yet another masterpiece. Part of his uniform, the dark blue blazer and white collared shirt was messily tossed onto one of the desks nearby, and he is left in his black t-shirt. Right when you are about to leave, his head snapped around and he caught sight of you standing in the doorway with beady eyes. "Finally, you're here." Framing himself to be waiting for you this whole time. Well, he was.

"I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you." You consciously tucked a stray strand of your brunette curls behind your ear, your face immediately turning red when you realised that you may have taken a bit longer then usual to be staring at the young man. "I'm gonna go." You turned and immediately started jogging down the hallway.

"Wait! Wait!" Rafayel called out for you, yet, you did not bother to turn back. All you could hear was the sounds of chairs creaking and a loud thud, followed by hurried footsteps.

You turned a corner and slid yourself into an empty classroom to catch your breath. When you sat yourself down, the door slid right open and Rafayel presented himself, huffing and panting as he bent himself down to slow his breaths. You were shocked of course, that he would run down the halls for you. Jarianne's words rang through your head like an alarm and it filled you with more regrets.

"You should stop talking to me." You clenched your fist, standing up, getting ready to leave. "We are not friends to begin with, so we should keep it that way." When you walked past him, he gripped your wrist and you gasped in response. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Do you actually..." He took in a huge breath and straightened his posture, now eyes meeting yours. "Are you actually so naive?"

"Look, I don't know what you are trying to do Rafayel, but I am not interested in whatever you are going to say. Just leave me alone." You pulled your wrist out of his grip but it only prompted him to hold your wrist tighter. "Leave me be!"

You slipped, and he grabbed you by your waist, underestimating the strength of his before he stumbled backwards and you ended up pressing him against the wall. The both of you had the same expression, widened eyes and flushed cheeks. Tension immediately started pumping into the air, causing your body to tense up. "Are you upset?" He broke the silence between you two, leaning down closer to you to inspect your face. "I had never seen you getting so mad before."

MAYBE. JUST MAYBE. A part of you do like him, you liked that he would only greet you in the morning and when you leave home, you liked that he would offer to teach you art anytime you wish, you liked that sometimes he would ditch his friends just to come and sit with you during recess. But, Jarianne was right. You always have this part of you that refused to accept the fact that you do indeed, like Rafayel. Just like all of the other girls out there. It's just that you are nothing special at all. You will be regarded as any other fan girl of his.

Hesitation laced in your voice. "I just don't think someone like you should be spending time with someone like me Rafayel." Your gaze dropped, feet shuffled against the floor beneath, watching the dust particles flying up into the air.

He clicked his tongue, but remained still. "You have not answered my question. Why do you think I go out of my way to talk to you everyday hmm?" Your silence was met with the continuation of his thoughts. "That's because I like you, y/n."

Your breath hitched in your throat when he confessed to you and you nervously took a step back to put more space in between the both of you. "Don't." His arms snaked around your waist and he reeled you in, nose tips almost touching. It took you a while to only realise that Rafayel is red like a tomato, the confession of his happen to be genuine afterall. His blushing expression is a sight to behold. Just like in a watercolour painting, all of the colours are harmonised, his purplish, tousled soft curls that sat on top of his head framed the outline of his carved facial shape well, with scarlet red lightly dabbed across his pale cheeks, giving the illusion of his eyes sticking out like magenta gemstones on a iridescent rubicund-white marble complexion. "I really do like you y/n."

"Why?" That is the only question you can mutter out of your mouth. You sounded dumb for a second but you would like to find out what he deemed special about you.

You can sense his nervousness when his eyes started darting everywhere and his arms withdrew from your waist. "I...You're...Uhm..." He is clearly struggling with his words. "You are different. You do not find the need to please me or to catch my attention." His words were spoken slowly and precisely, calculated even. "I like you because of the way you are, y/n. You are not like the other girls. Sometimes, when I look at you, I wanted to sketch a drawing of you, but I couldn't, because that's how alluring you are to me. No drawings could achieve that."

The way he phrased his affection towards you, was nothing of confidence but only of his vulnerability. Five years throughout his secondary days, you always regarded him to be the embodiment of confidence, carrying himself well has always been a gestalt of his. But today, you do not find that in him, all you see is this young man stumbling over every single word, self-doubt equivalent to yours hinted in his tone. He does not see himself to be worthy of you, just like you do not think you are worthy to him. The thought of it ached your heart.

"Rafayel. I...I never knew you liked me." Reaching your hands up, you patted his shoulders awkwardly, not really knowing where to position your hands. "I thought you just wanted to tease me and push me around like a plaything."

"The audacity to say that." He scoffed, face scrunched up like a shriveled prune he had mentioned to you earlier. "I don't like keeping the people I like as pets or any derogatory words you may think of, you know?" The sight of you holding onto his shoulders, eyes widened made him smile, one of his hand lightly patting the top of your head. Rafayel notices the way your lips would wobble the slightest when you tried to alleviate your own anxiety, convincing him further that you do possess the same feelings as him. He only has to figure out how to make you believe that he is not messing with your feelings and how to not escalate this sweet moment into a dramatic and awkward mess. "I don't want you to be accusing me of something so lowly anymore, yeah? Promise me?"

"But... what would people say when they see..." You gestured between the two of you, head already coming up with all sorts of accusations that would be thrown towards the both of you. "Us together? I don't want to trouble you..."

"They can say anything, but we can treat it as nothing y/n." He ran his hand down to your cheek, cupping your small face in his palm now, your face slowly warming up in his palm. "In the end, I chose you. It is only right for them to be jealous." He smiled leisurely, confidence resurfacing again. "So, would you date me y/n?"

Gnawing onto your lip, you nodded your head and looked down. You had only seen this in romance shows, where lip kisses are supposed to happen after confessions do. But you felt his soft lips collided against your forehead and your heart released sparks of fire uncontrollably. You are screaming internally as if you had won the lottery. As he pulled back, you raised your head up to glance at his facial features. Rafayel is beaming, hand still placed on the side of your cheek. As if it was cued, he managed to answer your question before you could even ask. "I will not kiss your lips until you allow me to, yeah? I will always wait until you're ready, as I respect---"

Wrong question, but does not beat the fact it was relevant to what you were initially going to ask him. Something along the lines of ‘whether are we going in for the kiss’. You decided to act upon your decision. Closing the short distance between you two, you planted your lips onto his, swallowing his uncertainty to fuel your bravery for the upcoming challenges you will have to face for being Rafayel's girl.

ZAYNE

"So, for this experiment, find someone you can pair up with to write a report based on your findings." Miss Akko instructed, placing the chalk onto her large wooden desk and scanning the crowd for any blank slates. "If you have any questions, you can always come and find me for consultations."

You looked towards the guy sitting next to you, Zayne. Ballpoint pen held in between his long fingers, gliding swiftly against the paper to create a neat yet slanted handwriting. Altough the class had ended, you could tell that he is still very much in his zone, jotting down whatever the teacher had mentioned earlier. If he could record it, you believe that would be the most viable way for him to stay on top of his grades all of the time. His posture relaxed when the last bell of the day rung. "Hey." You called out to him and he turned his head to face you. "Would you like to pair up? For the experiment?"

You had paired up with him for a few times for chemistry class. Being with the smartest kid does earn you a few perks, but he is not much of a talker so sometimes doing assignments with him would result in a crow-cawing awkwardness. "Sure." He nodded his head once and started gathering his reading materials into a pile while standing up.

Zayne has always been a man of a few words. Nodding is his most useful reaction whenever you ask him of something that he is borderline interested in. But if he does not agree with you, then he shall give you the stare that would make you question yourself about the absence of an answer from him. "When do you plan to do---"

"I will see you after class tomorrow." He cut you off, zipping his bag up and pulling it over his broad shoulders effortlessly. "Remember to bring your brain." OOF, COLD. It most likely explains why nobody would usually pair up with Zayne. More like he just refuses to.

Zayne was best known for his good looks and big brain but other than that, he does not have an appealing personality that makes him desirable among girls. Good to admire from afar but not good to interact with. Ever heard of the trend 'He is a 10 but...' . Yeah, that is Zayne's title trend. Only to people who has been in close contact with him. Yeah, he could be a dick with how straightforward he is but you find it as an admirable trait of his. He stabs people with his words, with truths that nobody would dare to say and maybe, you do secretly like him for the way he is.

“Come on Zayne, it’s not like I don’t study or help out with the reports for the past few times.” You rebutted, palms faced upwards and eyebrows knitted closely together. Zayne stood in his spot, expressionless face hiding his amusement. “So I do have a brain!”

He turned towards the direction of the door and started making his way out, not without giving his last statement. “Says the one who can’t even score a decent C grade.” There you stood, in the empty classroom, choked onto the curse words that you were about to throw at him when you heard his statement but you are sure with his lanky legs, he would have been out of earshot by now.

*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*

TAP TAP TAP TAP… Your footsteps echoed in the empty hallways, reverberating through the empty classrooms. You were late for the meeting with Zayne because you had forgotten to bring your lunch to school today so you ended up having to run down to the vending machine to grab some quick bites. The machine however, betrayed your trust, the ultimate cliche move anyone can think of putting into a filler clip for a movie, when the snack gets stuck during the retrieving period purely because of the vending machine error. You could have easily gotten in trouble if anyone were to spot you with your whole arm shoved into the machine just to grab the item you had literally paid for.

The door slammed open with force and you were greeted with the sight of Zayne in the classroom. With a girl bent halfway down right next to him. You recognised her immediately, the long blond hair with forest green eyes, milky pale skin with a smile that could make anyone faint upon seeing it. She is the school’s student president, Nyla. The both of them perked their heads up, reacting to the sound of the door being slammed opened only to see you standing in the doorway, face flushed from the heat, holding onto your snacks in your hand. “Hey y/n.” The student president grinned, her pearly whites nearly blinded you. “Do you mind giving us some time? We have some personal matters to settle.” Not only does she look pretty, she has a pleasing attitude too? Just great. Pursing your lips, you nodded and went out the same way you came in, sliding the door closed behind you in a more polite manner this time.

“I still can’t believe that you are working on an assignment with her.” Nyla huffed, pushing her hair back with her fingers as she bent down next to Zayne again, staring at his notebook. Nyla had initially wanted to meet up with Zayne regarding the discussion for the upcoming school festival that will be held but eventually, she turned it into her personal chat session with Zayne. “Is she a freeloader most of the time?”

“No.” Zayne replied. “She does her part as I do for mine.” Zayne, at this point had already caught note on what Nyla is trying to do. Provoking a conversation out of him when he is late for the initial assignment arrangement with you bothers him. “I think you had already gotten all of the answers you needed for the school festival.”

“But, I would like to get to know you too.” Nyla sat herself onto the side of his desk, manicured fingers fanned herself in an attempt to cool herself down. “Say, how about we try to go out for a little bit hmm?”

The raven haired young man did not even spared her a glance, eyes focused on his handwritings. “Zayne, come on. Smarty pants with a cute face like you dating me would be the talk of the school for weeks to come.” The pitch of her voice heightens at the end of her sentence and Zayne sighed in frustration. Closing his eyes, he took in a deep breath and exhaled.

“I am not interested in being your pawn.” He glanced at her and her smile faltered, alongside her confidence. “Nor do I find the necessity to feed into the delusions of yours.” The indifference shown on his body language gave her the conclusion she did not expected from him. Her pretentious ‘girl-next-door’ attitude no longer on display. The anger of a spoiled child who gets whatever they want seeped through and she raised her palm, ready to land it onto his cheek but he caught it right before it touches his cheek. “I wouldn’t do it to someone who believes in gender equality.”

Nyla withdrew her hand, strings of curse words falling out of her lips as to save herself from embarrassment and she left the classroom. The young man sat in the room, staring at the new page he had just flipped over on his notebook and he noticed the drawing of a stick man next to the page number. The stick man appeared to be holding onto the number 6 like a hockey stick and the 0 being reimagined as a puck. His lips pulled into a small smile, flashing back to the time when you tried to be sneaky when he was out of the classroom during one of your past assignment pairings, conducting this tomfoolery on his notebook and quickly returning everything back to its original position. But he saw it all, from the crack of the door when he was about to enter the empty classroom. He finds your childlike behaviour amusing after all.

*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*

“We are done talking.” You stared up, the blinding sunlight immediately getting shielded by Zayne’s opaque outline. You squinted your eyes narrower only to find that Zayne has his hand stretched out to you, given you are in a seated position. “We should get started on our assignment.” You took his hand and he pulled you up, the sheer size of his palm wrapped around your whole hand easily.

“Here.” You reached your hand into the pocket of your uniform and pulled out a small box of chocolate cookies. “This is for you. It fell out when I was trying to grapple for my sandwich.”

Zayne took the box into his hands, contemplating on the way you got it. “Did the vending machine got stuck again?” Your nod made him smiled a little. “If it gets stuck again next time, you can just ask me to get it for you.”

His sudden suggestion nearly made you choked on the last bite of your egg and cheese sandwich. It is hard to believe he would come out all of the way here to find you, let alone making small talk and telling you that you can ask him to solve your troubles whenever you please? But your dumb brain only believe that he was only trying to be helpful and he is merely thanking you for bringing him a snack. “So what did you guys talk about?” You could not help but to ask as the both of you slowed down your steps to be in sync with one another.

“She wanted me to go out on a date with her.” You were lucky you had finished your sandwich, or else this sentence would have sent you into full on choking mode. You did expect Nyla to ask him out to a certain extent given his popularity, but you were caught off guard that he was even willing to share the details about what had went on behind those closed doors earlier. “I told her that there is not a need to waste her time.”

Hm? You stopped in your footsteps and turned to look at him. “What do you mean?” Your lips had blurted out the sentence before your mind is in control and you swallowed the instant regret of the question. Zayne too, stopped in his footsteps and he looked at you, his hazel green orbs stood out more like a lush forest under the blazing sun above your head. When he took a step towards you, your heart lurched, eyes scanning the surroundings for anyone present.

“I already have someone on my mind.” Zayne closed the distance between the both of you. Within arms length, Zayne reached his right hand outwards and held your cheek. An immediate gasp could be heard, the pace of your heartbeat quickened, so as your breath. You could hear your own heartbeat in your head. It does not take a genius for one to unravel who he likes. You stood in front of him, drinking in his gaze that had softened for one of the very few times, and this time he did not snap his head away immediately. His thumb moved back and forth on your cheek, soothing the spreading redness that is a result of your realisation regarding his point.

Your eyes lit up and your jaw slacked, eyes frantically searching for a joke within his eyes but when you found no ill intention, you amounted to satisfy your curiosity. “Why…why me?”

His thumb slid down to your jawline, and stopped at your chin. Raising it up just enough for his eyes to be looking into yours and you gulped nervously when he closed the distance between the both of you. He smiled, lips tugged up slightly on both corners because all these while, he knew that the both of you have the same feelings for one another, but he just never really have the opportunity to be alone with you, till now. "You will find out soon enough." Leaning down, Zayne pressed his lips softly against yours to present his confession to you, stealing your first kiss away.

XAVIER

The countdown in your head never fails you. When the minute hand hits 12 on the clock, the bell rung, the teacher looked up from the book he was holding, glasses slid down his nose slightly as he realised his class period had came to an end. "Remember your homework kids. I will see you next week." He announced as the students all got up in sync, bowing and thanking the teacher for his teaching efforts.

As you landed your bum back onto your chair, you heard someone calling your name and your head turned towards the source of the sound. The blond bloke named Xavier sauntered over to you, his eyelids still half closed. "Hey, you going over for the fencing extracurricular later?"

"Yeah I am. Why?" You asked him nonchalantly, all while clearing your items off of the table and placing them into your bagpack. When you do not hear his response, your hands rested on your bag and you looked up at him, squinting your eyes. "Wait. You plan to skip it don't you?"

Xavier's eyes widened and his light eyebrows arched upwards. "What, no. I just..." His right hand reached up to rub the nape of his neck. "I just thought we could walk there together if you'd like."

Sighing in relief you smiled and nodded, pulling your bagpack over your back. You had forgotten to arrange the books you have to bring today hence the load of your bag became a deadweight and it nearly sent you rolling onto the ground. Xavier caught you on time before your face gets planted onto the tiled ground. "Careful. Here, let me help."

"Thanks." The blond young man easily took your bagpack off of your back, slinging it over the side of his shoulder that has his messenger bag hung onto. With the weight of fingerpads pressed against your arm, you flushed red when you realised that he had not released his hold on you. Catching your sight, he trailed it down to your arm and he released his grip, equally embarassed at how long the skinship lasted.

Truth is, you and Xavier are somewhat at the level of best friends. The both of you share the same classes and same taste for food, alongside same extra curricular activities. But recently, you started feeling more and more abashed around him. You would consciously want to look good in front of him; either it be tucking your hair behind your ears, chuckling gently instead of laughing like a troll, ironing your clothes to make it look pressed and neat. You are like becoming a whole different person just for him. But it is not necessarily for the bad.

*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*

Clank, Clink, Clank Clank. The sounds of the blades grinding against one another created screeches and clinking, which are not the right music for the ears. You sat a couple of meters away from the mat, eyeing Xavier clad in the metallic polyester jacket that is overlain with a thin, interwoven steel strands in between to provide him protection. Lamés is the right term for the protective gear on his torso. Gasps and mutters could be heard echoing in the huge hall, judgements and commentaries thrown around as the showdown between Xavier and his opponent has been relatively entertaining.

The whole nine minutes, both of the fencers has been extremely aggressive, parrying and lunging against one another whenever an opening is spotted. The race to land 15 touches on the opponent make it an extremely fast and deft sport. The both of them had equated to 14 touches each and this last touch would determine the winner. The referee stood in middle, arms raised midway to insinuate the start of the tie-breaker round. "Pret? Allez!"

The blades then ensued, waving in the air. "Halt." It was called out in two seconds and both of the opponents backed up, standing still in their spots. Your heartbeat thumped, the last you saw was the both of their blades touched both of their respective opponent's foil. It is hard to determine who is the winner. The referee was seen walking over to Xavier and he spoke. "Parrying then riposte, point-in-line is perfect and that forward extension of yours is worth the risk." He grabbed Xavier's arm and raised it, everyone in the hall cheered as Xavier removed his headgear and grinned, eyes landing onto you.

You smiled back, proud that he had manage to win the competition. You stood up when he walked off of the platform, wanting to congratulate him but Chiara beat you to it. "Xavier! You did so well!" The girl bounced over, her curls bounced to her footsteps' rhythm as well. "Oh my god, that was such a fight."

"Thanks." Xavier smiled and she grabbed him by his neck, throwing herself into his arms and you were stunned at her boldness. Xavier however, did not seem fazed as his arms raised up to pat her back. Chiara may just be an amiable individual but your mind abnegated that possibility and only opened its chamber doors to jealousy.

In a disconsolate, nervous manner, you turned and proceeded to walk out of the hall. Your heart thumped hard against your chest like booming speakers in an EDM concert. It also caused a lump to form in your throat. It hurts. Something about her just greeting and hugging him so casually made her wonder why did he never told you about his girlfriend before? He is already mysterious enough but at this point, it felt like a betrayal to you. But then again, he does not owe you that favour to tell you about his dating life if he does not wish to say anything.

Finding a cosy corner next to the herb garden that belonged to the Plant Society, you sat down at the side of the curb and amused yourself with the view of butterflies twirling around blooming flower petals. Amongst the weeds, Magnolia blossoms are most of the denizens found within the small patch of ground. Time passed by, perhaps around a couple of minutes and you heard hurried footsteps in the background but you were too engrossed with the butterfly landing onto a magnolia's carpels that you did not bother to turn around.

"Y/n." Xavier called out. "I had been searching everywhere for you." You turned your head slowly, stopping with only half of your face visible to him. "Did you noticed me winning just now?" "Yeah I did." You pushed yourself off of the curb, dusting the dirt off of your dark skirt and you faced him, gaze catching his chest rather than his cerulean orbs. "In fact, I saw Chiara went up to hug you." Your pout although not shown, it was obvious to Xavier. You are jealous.

He stepped forward and wrapped his lanky arms around you, pulling you into his chest. You were bewildered. In his arms, feeling his warmth spreading to your body and his scent swathed you, he smells like clean sheets and a bubble bath. Perhaps from his change of clothes. "I'm sorry." He spoke, breath batting against the nape of your neck. "I should have rejected her hug right then and there."

"It's okay Xavier, I didn't know you have a girlfriend." You were quick to address your hesitation, ready to take a step back from him but his hold around you tightened, not allowing you to leave his arms.

"She isn't. She isn't my girlfriend, y/n." He slowly pulled back, arms now moved to rest on your shoulder. For a moment, a gleam of wary was ready to surface but Xavier was quick to put out that emotion of his. "I don't think of her anything more than a friend. Unlike you."

Confusion clouded you like a misty apparition above your head. "What about me?" Your index finger pointed towards yourself. "What do you mean by 'unlike me'."

"I like you." His gaze unwavering, genuine intentions full on display. "I had liked you for a very long time y/n." Your jaw dropped to the ground almost instantly. You were not expecting this to happen at all but look at how fate has presented itself. Xavier smiled, his angelic smile akin to his divine features. He would have been mistaken to be an angel if you did not know that the halo around his head is the sun peeking out from the back of his head. “And I think I would very much like you to be my girlfriend instead of her.”

Your eyelids blinked rapidly, eyelashes just a few more blinks away to cool down the redness in your cheeks. As a reflex, your hands flew up to your mouth to mask your excitement, your lips probably pulled into a grin that stretches to both ears. “I…I…” Your stammering further betrayed your feelings and Xavier leaned down, supple hands held onto your wrist and he pulled your hands down, finally being able to see your shyful expression.

“Seeing you like this makes me very happy y/n.” He cupped your cheeks softly, tediously brushing the pads of his thumb across your cheek and he leaned in, planting a kiss onto your lips to officially make you his girlfriend.

Hope this fluff makes your day my lovelies! <3

[meichenxi]

Language learning: slow learning versus toxic productivity

Or: the process in crisis

Five years ago, all of the productivity advice I read (and gave out) as a successful self-learner of many different languages had one basic premise: that I was not doing enough, and that I could always be doing more.

Several burnouts later, running headlong from one mental illness into another, I'd like to invite you to entertain the exact opposite idea: there is a limit to what you can do. I have run face-first into mine on multiple occasions, and burnt out. At many points I've stopped learning the language at all. Most importantly, I've learnt to be distrustful of the very premise that all of the so-called productivity or optimisation advice is based on.

More is not always more.

Listen to a podcast in the target language whilst you exercise. Exercise to give yourself more energy to learn your target language. Talk to yourself in the shower in your target language. Do Anki whilst eating breakfast. Listen to Glossika whilst walking to work. Change your phone settings to your target language. Bullet journal. Manage your time. Make friends in your target language. Control your time. Write a diary. There's always enough time. These are all things I have done myself and recommended others do, to increase exposure to the language, to increase productivity.

Productivity? What productivity? What, exactly, is it that we are producing? I am producing sentences and words but - for who? Who is listening? Nobody's here, in my room, at 7am on a Sunday. If productivity were just speaking or writing, I'd be productive in my native language too, by virtue of speaking out loud. Or conversely, in language learning circles, should we measure it in terms of input? How many hours did you spend listening to Chinese yesterday? What about today? Is there anything you do in your life, in your daily life, that you could optimise? You're wasting time. There's time here, for those that want it. If you want to get ahead, to be successful, to be a good language learner, you have to know how to use that time. Go online, and debate over which tools are the best; watch your videos. What exactly is it that is being produced?

Productivity is a measuring tool for concrete output: the productivity of a field means how much crop it can yield per harvest. The productivity of a factory is how many mobile phone chargers it can bring to market per year. There are direct and measurable ways to increase this sort of productivity. But what is productivity when it comes to knowledge work? Cal Newport's work, The Minimalists, Essentialism: they all run into the same problem, which is that nobody seems to know what 'productivity' for knowledge workers means at all. You can look at a factory line and see which parts need greasing up, figuratively or literally: it is very difficult, on the other hand, to look at the work of a self-contained writer and tell her where she is going 'wrong'. (And by 'wrong', I mean - slow.) And language learning is an even more particular subset of that particular subset of work.

You could judge a novelists' productivity two ways: by the 'busyness' of her daily writing routine, or the amount of novels she produces. But what exactly is being produced when we learn a language? What is the end product?

In some ways, language learning as a hobby is even more playful than traditionally thought of arts and crafts. (By 'play' I mean something which is done for its own sake, and which is pleasurable, and which may yield next to no monetary reward.) We might think of the poet as sitting on a tree and dangling his feet in the river, a vision of artful indolence, but at the end of the day there is output - a poem. A knitter has a jumper. A potter has a pot. But language learning doesn't follow this [work] + [time] = [tangible output] structure. We can't even use the second metric of 'productivity' to measure it at all. Something is being done, of course - I can learn to speak Greek, and speak it markedly better after two months than one - but my point is you can't look at a day's work and say, this is exactly how much I learnt. Learning is not memorisation in the short term - it's receiving input, and practicing how to wield and use a structure. It doesn't happen over the course of a ten-minute podcast.

Learning happens - encoding happens - when the brain is doing other things. In other words, much like every creative process, you need downtime. You need rest, and sleep, and fun, and brightness and joy in your life. You might 'remember' a bunch of words on Anki, but you need to sleep before you can review them again: that's the whole point.

There is a much wider problem here, a culture of goals and optimising your life and glowing up, and to be honest, I find it disturbing. I think that for a very long time my language learning metrics were a stand-in, a relic, for the kinds of unhealthy and obsessively perfectionist thinking that gave me an eating disorder. How many of us truly believe - genuinely, with every inch of our heart - that we are better people if we 'better' ourselves? Learn more. Exercise more. Study more. How do you feel about yourself at the end of a day, exhausted, because you've completed day 75/100? Do you feel better about yourself because you've achieved? I'm guessing that you do.

For many people - including for myself - this wider culture has spilled over into their hobbies. Hobbies like language learning in particular are a target for this because they are so easily quantifiable - and we are encouraged, if we want to succeed, to quantify them. How else will we know how to improve?

Over the last few years, after burning out, after living off grid and without wifi and doing extreme minimalism and a lot of other lifestyle experiments to try and understand why modern life is so fucking hard, it's become clear that most systems of 'productivity' measure 'optimisation' by getting the most done in a day, but they don't stop to question whether you should be doing those things at all.

They don't stop to ask: what matters? They don't stop to ask: why am I trying to write a novel, finish my dissertation, pursue a romantic relationship, get healthy, learn ice-skating, learn to cook, look after my aging parents, and learn guitar at the same time? They don't ask: how do I prioritise, and where do I find silence? They ask: how do I cram more time in the day? They don't ask: how do I slow time down? They don't ask: how can I know what matters, if I never give myself space to think?

In other words: 'productivity' in language learning is measured by 'busy-work', by how much you can see from the surface.

You can't measure how well the learning is going, exactly, but you can measure how many hours a day you show up and grind. Whether or not that struggle is the best use of your time, or whether you're spending the time on things that will truly bring you value and quality, is a different question altogether.

And it's not one most 'productivity culture' will ever ask.

There will be things in your language learning journey that, to borrow from self-help terminology, no longer serve you. Habits and relics and resources and mindsets that worked for you once, or no longer did. Those books that are too advanced that you feel like you 'should' be able to read. That textbook that's been sitting beside your bed for a year. That habit of scrolling social media in your target language that was helpful when you were at a more intermediate level, but does little for you now that you're advanced.

Take stock of these. Simplify. Do less, but do it better. Productivity culture never stops to ask: what can I do without? It always asks, instead: how can I do more? But maybe - just maybe - the way to do more is to focus on fewer things, but do them well.

Multi-tasking isn't multi-tasking, but switching quickly between different focuses of attention. The average American owns 300,000 things, and watches television for 4-5 hours a day. On average, if you are distracted, it takes you 20 minutes to reach the same level of deep focus: but the average American office worker opens an email within six seconds of receiving it. Are you any better with your phone? How much time do you spend there? If you meditate, that's wonderful, but do you have any time to let yourself think? To walk and to understand how to feel? I don't want to sound like a boomer, but: can you name the birds? Do you live in a place, not just a room?

Stop trying to be 'productive'. Do less. Do it well.

I am now facing a wall in my learning of Chinese, and I'm still not sure how to get around it. The reason for this is because so much of the advice I gave others around language learning, and so much of the advice I found online, is focused on this sort of optimisation. But I no longer want to be listening to something, to be watching something, every second of every day. I have a partner to love and a house to appreciate and I want to spend time, humming and pleasant, alone with my thoughts, and it's summer, dear diary, and I don't want to stay indoors. Routines can keep you afloat, but they can also drown you. Do something different. Do something new. Do something that is not productive, that produces nothing, idle away, walk to work without music and perhaps when you sit down to your language learning that evening, you'll be filled with a renewed vigour and love for it. Do it because you love it, not because you scheduled it in your calendar.

A lesson, related, from my martial arts teacher. He said:

If you are tired, do not train. If you do not train, rest. 'Rest' does not mean go on your phone.

The same principle applies here. If you are tired of learning, which you may well be, rest. Not going on your phone, not watching Netflix. I mean taking a walk and sitting under the tree and looking at the patterning of the sky. I mean lying with your dog and absently scratching his tummy. If you're tired, and you have the luxury to stop - stop. Let yourself be tired. Don't drink caffeine. Sleep.

Last year, I was able to write 340,000 words of fiction because I focused on one thing: writing my book. Apart from things that I literally needed to do to survive and maintain my health and relationships around me, I didn't set a single other to-do. My daily list looked like: write for three hours. Not a word limit. Not exercise, though I ended up doing that, not learning a language. I imagine that if I had tried to focus on Chinese at the same time that I wouldn't have achieved anywhere near half the result. I still learnt Chinese, a very decent amount - I went to China and Taiwan for three months in total! - but I did it because I wanted to, of a whim, on a Sunday, something fun. It wasn't a must, or anything I was forcing myself to do. Many days I didn't do any Chinese at all. It was so immensely freeing to be able to think, at 11am: I'm finished for today. Even when I was at work, because I knew I was just there to pay the rent, I felt serene. Stressed on a day-to-day level, certainly, because all work is stressful, but - there wasn't any striving. I just did the best I could. And that was enough.

I am writing this, now, as I come out of my first ever information-overload burnout. I've burnt out, but I've never experienced one of these before: even looking at a book, at a phone, physically hurt my eyes. I couldn't bear to listen to people speak and would lock myself away in my room. I physically felt I could not talk, and had to take extensive time off work. Even looking at a pen and a blank page was too much; listening to podcasts was too much; reading the instructions for dinner was too much too. The only way I could heal was by doing absolutely nothing at all. That period shocked me deeply, because it showed me how absolutely dependent I was on having some input of information all of the time. No wonder I was tired.

I know, now, that there are lots of movements built around this same idea, by frustrated learners all over the world: the growing realisation that metrics and Excel and polylogger and tracking tracking tracking can't be the only way to learn. That a list of the number of books you've read in one year is hardly indicative of how well you understood those books, and what you learned from them. You've read 20 books this year already - good job. When do you think about them? What time do you spend on reflection? Why did you choose those books? Which chapters, and which characters, hit you the hardest? Why?

Minimalism, deep work, 'monk mode', essentialism, every writer's dream to run away and write in a cabin in the woods, slow learning, Buddhism, Stoicism, Marie Kondo-ism, the art of less, project 333, my no-buy-year, slow fashion, slow food, slow travel:

What all of these philosophies have in common is the idea that doing things deliberately ('mindfully') means 1) doing things slowly, 2) doing things well, and 3) doing things one at a time.

I am now at a place in my life where I understand the value of time alone with my thoughts. I don't want to listen to podcasts every minute of the waking day, because I need time to think about them. I need time to let the ideas for my novel grow in the dark. Nothing can be heard in noise; so make space for silence. I am a member of the real, living, breathing world, and that means I cannot devote 8 hours a day to Chinese television shows like I could when I was 20. I have to call my father. I have to do the dishes. I want to flex my creative muscles in other ways. Alternatively - I no longer believe that my worth is tied up inherently with how well I do my hobbies.

You're just some guy. There's freedom in that. You, my friend - you suck <3

Let yourself be bad. Let yourself be mediocre. Let yourself 'slide backwards' or regress, because all that means is that you're putting focus somewhere else. It'll come back. It always does.

I'm no longer comfortable, therefore, with the way that the language learning community tackles productivity. Please don't misunderstand; a lot of us have time spare that we could use to do things 'better' for us. I know. But I just believe now that getting rid of things, like the time you spend on your phone, is going to be more helpful in the long run than trying to force yourself into some gruelling, achievement-centric regime that collapses from within after two months of struggle and self-flagellation.

The other realisation I have had is just how much happier I am spending more time being alive, really alive, and less time in front of a screen. For a language like German or Gaelic that's much easier, because you can study with books, but with Chinese you always have to study to some extent with audios, flashcards, computers. Especially if - like me - you can read novels without a dictionary, but cannot handwrite even your Chinese name. So where next?

I don't have any answers. I'm not sure how to pair the two things together, to be honest, because almost all of my language learning has traditionally made use of technology. It's all been goal-orientated, systems-orientated, and despite the fact that I've failed at using these systems every day for years, despite the fact that Anki has NEVER worked for me, despite the fact that I have spent hundreds if not thousands of pounds on courses here, there, a wealth of overwhelm and five thousand words saved on Pleco, did I read that right? Five thousand. No wonder I'm stressed.

Regardless of happiness, it's much easier to achieve a state of deep focus and work when you're not online. After my period of information burnout, I feel actual physical pain from the weight of choices online. It's exhausting. I'm watching a Chinese show, but I want to go on tumblr. I'm on tumblr, but I feel guilty for not watching the Chinese show. I'm constantly torn between doing this and that, never fully committing to anything, seeing a post by Lindie Botes and thinking, damn, she's good. I should be better. But I don't want to compare myself to her. Do you know what? She is good. I admire her immensely. But I don't want to judge my self-worth by some imagined scale of productivity anymore - and, the more time passes, the more I'm not sure what 'productivity' in the context of language learning even means.

Try slow, focused, deep learning. You might just find it works.

There's something refreshing, almost counter-cultural, anti-capitalist, anti-consumerist, anti-rat-race, about this thought. Slow learning. I think there's an answer here, somewhere. It's a problem I've been dancing around for a while; and do you remember how you learnt your first foreign language? For me, it was on the floor, absolutely absorbed in German comic books, flicking through the dictionary furiously and scribbling things down in a notebook. I only had one book, and one dictionary, and one grammar book. I want to go back to that sort of simplicity. There was joy in that.

One again: I don't have any answers. I don't know exactly what direction this blog is going to go in, as I wrestle with these sorts of meta-problems. I'd love to hear your thoughts. And for now, if there's one thing I'd like you to take away from this long and frankly absurdly rambling post (thank you for bearing with me!) it's an alternative answer for the question I get so often, about what you can do to learn the language when you're tired, because:

Yes, you could watch reality TV shows in Chinese, or you could give yourself permission to be human. You could rest.

Thanks guys. Meichenxi out <3

[discordantwritings]

The Sand Dragon and I Pt. 2 (Dragon! Sir Crocodile x Reader)

Part 1 / Part 2

Warnings: NSFW 18+ MDNI, gn afab! Reader, dragon shifter! Crocodile, monsterfucking, canon typical violence, power dynamics are once again pretty whack, possessive Crocodile, Crocodile is Mean, oral sex, facefucking, masochism, lil bit of blood, overstimulation, belly bulge, creampie, aftercare is important guys, also vampire! Mihawk is there for a little bit

WC: 6k

Summary: An unwelcome guest, a slightly more welcome guest, and a display of ownership.

Notes: I had way too much fun with this. So I originally intended this to be the end of it buttttt if you guys want more or more fantasy type aus I have many ideas

Tagging: @okanadafreakingfan

While you don’t have to make as many trips all the way up to the entrance cavern anymore for water, there’s still a daily hike you have to make up to the fountain to fill your large metal bucket that you dug up. You consider asking if there’s a closer water source but that thought is quickly dismissed. You only see him once every few weeks by his design. No need to increase the rate at which he could tire of you.

You release the dirty water from yesterday back into the pool of water, watching the dust and dirt slowly sink and travel back to the earth. You’re about to refill the bucket when suddenly you hear a noise from the tunnel to the surface. Gripping the bucket tight you press yourself to the stone wall, waiting to see what comes out of the tunnel.

This isn’t the first time this has happened- wild animals sometimes have the misfortune of wandering down too far to find food and water but most of the time they leave fairly quickly. You assume it’s something to do with Sir Crocodile’s presence no matter how far away he is this was still his lair. So when a man- an actual human man- peers out from the tunnel you nearly drop your bucket in surprise.

It’s not long before he sees you, it’s a painfully wide open cave, and you see his eyes widen in surprise before he runs over to you. As he gets closer you can really see him- disheveled presumably from days of travel, beat up armor, and a short sword gripped in his right hand. Reflexively you back off from his fast approach and as you do he stops, putting his hands up.

“Hey- I’m not going to hurt you.” His words do nothing to calm you. “Actually- I guess I’m here to free you.”

Free? Why would you- oh, yeah. Most humans don’t consensually live in a dragon’s lair. “You- look-“

“No, no don’t worry everything is okay now!” Oh boy he’s really getting into the savior role. “I’m going to kill that foul beast and then you can come home with me!”

Right, like if you had been taken you wouldn’t want to go back to your own home and to your own people. “He’s going to kill you.”

“I’ve been training for this my whole life-“ You estimate he’s in his mid 20s, whole life doesn’t really carry a lot of weight- “And I will be victorious.”

You try to warn him more but he doesn’t hear you, already walking away to go deeper into the tunnels. You’re not sure how regular of an occurrence this is for Sir Crocodile but you know he’d probably just be annoyed to see some random human wandering around.

Maybe you’ve been living in a cave for far too long, away from humanity for too long, but as you reel back with your bucket it really feels like the best solution. He doesn’t even notice you until it’s too late, heavy metal colliding with the side of his head and knocking him out cold. His body slumps to the ground as the metal clang echoes again and again off the tall stone walls.

Well. Sir Crocodile is bound to have heard that. So you fill up your bucket, take a seat, and wait for him to show up.

This time you hear him coming and for the first time since you got here you see him in his full dragon form. You aren’t as scared of him but there’s no stopping your body’s natural reaction to cower in his presence. His large eyes look over the scene- the knocked out wannabe knight and you sitting there waiting for him. You don’t say anything, just patiently wait for his reaction.

“You knocked him out.” It’s not a question.

“Yes sir.” You respond, shifting in your seat.

“Why?”

“I assumed you would be displeased to find some human attempting to kill you wandering around your lair.”

“And?” He could hear you were holding something back.

“And… he annoyed me sir.” You admit.

Impossibly loud laughter fills the space as Sir Crocodile cackles at your response. You have to bite your cheek to not smile, this was probably the best reaction you could get.

“Oh, I didn’t know my pet had such a fire!” He steps closer, snout close to the unconscious man. “Such a pathetic excuse of a human. Some do not know their place.”

His massive jaw opens and you look away just in time so you don’t have to see him devour the man whole. Your eyes glue to the ceiling as you hear the awful crunch of metal and bone under teeth. After a few moments of silence you finally look back down to see those massive eyes staring at you.

“Good work pet.”

Now that you know what these emotions are swirling deep in your stomach, embarrassment mixes in as you try and temper your reaction. You hope maybe he doesn’t care enough to analyze your reaction, to care if you like anything he says. But the way his pupils narrow into slits tells you he knows.

“Keep up the good work.” His large body turns around, knocking over a few chairs and tables as he lumbers out of the space and back down to whatever cave he lurks in. You practically melt into the chair the second you can no longer hear his movement, mortified by your own reactions to this whole situation. As you straighten up the room you ignore the perverse want in the pit of your stomach. You know how he sees humans, how he sees you. Your sick attraction was yours and yours alone. This was just another hold he was forming over you.

But all the logic in the world doesn’t stop how happy you are for the rest of the week. Not to mention a few days later your food is restocked with fresh fruits and vegetables, a gift you know is from Sir Crocodile.

He doesn’t really care.

But maybe he cares just a little.

The next time you see him you’ve made significant progress on his overstock hoard. Books are on shelves, you’ve relocated some rugs to the room, most things are at least in somewhat sensible piles, and you swear you can almost see the back of the cave. You were working on organizing the trinkets when you hear his voice.

“I didn’t think it was possible to get rid of all that dust.” Surprisingly, you don’t jump out of your skin at his presence, somewhat used to him sneaking up on you.

“It wasn’t easy sir.” You stand up straight as he walks around the space that is now open. His claws lightly drag along the bindings of books on the shelves, his reptilian eyes analyzing everything. You hold your breath, hoping that you haven’t done anything wrong in your organization.

“Categorical and alphabetical. Good enough.” He turns to you and sighs. “As much as I’ve tried to push this off, I have a guest visiting in three days. He’s just here for a meeting of sorts but I need the entrance cavern ready to receive. Don’t worry about food either.”

“Oh of course sir, I’ll get to organize that space tomorrow if that’s alright?” You wonder what kind of guest Sir Crocodile could possibly have, probably another dragon?

“And he’s human sized so I will be as well. Arrange appropriately. While I won’t require you to hang around you I would still like you to receive the guest so I’ve gotten you some more appropriate clothing.”

Human sized confirms in your mind that his guest is definitely not human. Curiosity at what clothing he could have possibly gotten you swims in your head but you’ll find that out soon enough. “I can do that sir. What time will the guest be arriving?”

“Around eight in the evening. He’s punctual, you shouldn’t have to wait long.” Crocodile walks over to the pile you were sorting through, gold claws picking up a wooden talisman. “I realize I’m giving you a sore impression of what I collect. One day you will see my real hoard, if you keep being good.”

You flush under his praise despite yourself and force your gaze forward so as to not make eye contact with him. He chuckles and you want to disappear out of embarrassment.

“I’ll see you in three days, pet.” And just like that he’s gone again.

It’s getting harder and harder to deny your reactions to him. It follows you at night to your bedroom as you fight the urge to touch yourself. You know somehow he would hear your moans, the slick noises you would inevitably create if you were to dip your fingers deep into where you need them. Knowing that you deny yourself, compounding your need with every visit he pays you. It’s becoming a problem how fast you grow slick in his presence but you keep pushing it off. Eventually it’ll pass.

Maybe.

When you get back to your room that night you find new clothes neatly folded for you on your bed. They’re the same deep green of his scales and as you touch them you feel impossibly soft silk. Holding it up you see that they should fit you perfectly, and you wonder how he knew your exact measurements. Probably a result of his impressive observation skills. The thought of his eyes raking over your body and analyzing every dip and curve of your body…

You bury your face into the clothing and huff in frustration. You really need to get your head on straight.

Focusing on setting up the entrance for a guest at least fills the time well. You arrange tables and chairs and then spend some time gathering the best looking items from the overstock to decorate the space. It makes it look more lived in, even if you know realistically it’s not going to fool anyone.

Soon enough it’s almost time to greet the guest of honor and you are hesitating by the tunnel up to the surface. Dressed in the somehow perfectly tailored clothes Sir Crocodile got for you the silk did little to soothe your anxiety. You were tasked to receive the guest but you’re not sure if that means right here or up at the surface. It had been a long time since you’ve been outside these caves and while you don’t feel yourself missing the surface… fresh air would be nice.

Sir Crocodile wouldn’t want his guest to have to do the long walk down by himself right? Your own shoddy justification is enough to have you traveling up to the surface. It’s much less foreboding than you remember, but you know that’s just because you’re used to so much worse at this point.

You know you’re almost there because you can feel the cool breeze of the desert night. Pausing, you soak it in, a sharp contrast to the damp, stale air that hangs in the deep caverns. It’s only a few more steps before you’re out, looking at the starry night sky. You forgot how beautiful it was.

Despite all these emotions never once does the thought of running away cross your mind. Not out of fear, but because your new life is actually pretty good.

“You’re not Crocodile.” A dark, smooth voice sounds from a few feet away and you turn to see what looks to be an immaculately dressed human man.

“No I’m his-“ What were you, exactly? Calling yourself his pet to a stranger feels wrong so you just use the next best term. “Servant.”

“Interesting.” He steps closer and you can see his sharp facial hair that accentuates his defined facial features. His long leather coat is lined with a deep blood red fabric that stands out against his pale white skin. You can’t help but think how handsome this man was.

“My name is Dracule Mihawk, I assume you are expecting me.” Bright golden eyes that almost seem to glow in the dim light of the night regard your form.

“Yes, I’m here to receive you, you can follow me down if you are ready?” You do your best to be formal under the scrutiny and that seems to please him.

“Lead the way.” With a nod you start making your way back down, feeling his eyes on your back the whole time.

The walk is eerily silent, so much so that it’s a relief when you finally get back to the entry cave and see Sir Crocodile standing there in his humanoid form. You shuffle slightly to the side to let Mihawk pass by you.

“Mihawk.” Sir Crocodile greets simply, tone unreadable.

“Crocodile.” Mihawk is equally unreadable until he casts a glance your way. “Is it too much to assume this human is a gift for me?”

You blanch at the question, looking worriedly over to Sir Crocodile. His face quickly pulls up into a sneer. “Don’t you dare lay an undead finger on my pet.”

“Come now Crocodile.” Mihawk is smiling now, but it’s unsettling as you see red flash over his gold eyes. “What use do you have for a human? I could use a new blood source…”

The golden hand quickly transforms into a wickedly sharp hook and loops around Mihawk’s neck as he tries to step closer to you. He growls, deep and guttural as he barely holds himself back. “I’ll rip your head clean off.”

Your heart is racing as Mihawk chuckles and throws his hands up. “Alright, alright. Someone’s grown attached to their pet.”

Crocodile lets the hook linger for a few seconds before it reforms back into a clawed hand. “They’ve proven themselves useful and loyal.”

“Oh I’m sure that’s it.” Mihawk turns back and sits in one of the prepared chairs. You’re not sure what Mihawk is implying there so you cast a confused look to Sir Crocodile.

“You can leave now.” He dismisses you and you nod.

“I’ll be reading if you need me sir.” You bow slightly to Mihawk as well before you leave, despite your fear of him.

You couldn’t leave fast enough, not catching any more conversation between the two of them. You find solace in your reading chair, book settled on your lap even though you can’t bring yourself to read just yet. Your thoughts swim as you finally process how close you were to dying and that Crocodile defended you, willing to kill someone he trusted enough to let in his lair for you. And that last comment from Mihawk… he wasn’t implying what you think he was implying right?

Thank the stars above your book is interesting so at least you can think about something else while you wait and make sure you aren’t needed any more tonight. Almost two hours pass before you see Sir Crocodile darken the entryway for the cavern. You quickly stand up, setting your book down on the chair.

“Do you need-“ You’re cut off by a wave of his clawed hand.

“Come with me.” He’s already walking away so you quickly follow.

You’re led down tunnels you haven’t been down before, going even deeper into the earth. You want to know what’s going on but stop yourself from asking questions that probably won’t get answered anyways. It’s nearly 15 minutes of fast paced walking before you stop at a gigantic set of carved stone doors. A scene of the desert has been carefully etched into the stone, somehow soft and delicate despite the hard working surface. Bracing both his hands on the doors he pushes open and with some effort the doors swing in. He walks in first and after a moment of your hesitation he waves you in as well.

So this was a real hoard.

You find yourself standing on a stone walkway above a giant pit filled with more gold and jewels than you thought existed. The walkway circled the expansive cavern- easily five times the size of the entry cave. You were stunned, mesmerized by the glimmering of the treasures by firelight.

“I told you I’d show you a real hoard.” His voice snaps you back to the moment as he continues to walk and you follow, eyes still glued to the center pit.

You follow him all the way around the radius of the pit until you’re across from the doorway. You come up on a large ornate throne and open overflowing treasure chests. He reaches down into one of the chests and plucks out a piece of jewelry. It’s a gold choker inlaid with more emeralds than you can count before he makes a motion with his other hand.

“Turn around.” You obey without hesitation.

“So obedient…” You feel him right behind you and something drapes around your neck- the cold metal presses into your throat and you know it’s that necklace he pulled out. Surprisingly deft claws clasp it into place as it settles surprisingly comfortably on you.

“Let me see.” As you turn you have to crane your neck up to see him since he’s so close to you- closer than he’s ever been.

“I didn’t think anyone would get confused but apparently I have to mark what is mine better.” The golden claws rake over the metal- over your neck- and your breath hitches. “I think it suits you.”

“It’s beautiful sir.” You can’t see it now but even just from the glimpse you got you know it is- perfectly matching with the clothes he got you.

“Quite.” His eyes rake over you and for once his pupils aren’t those narrow, scrutinizing slits. They are nearly full circles, pushing out that white grey of his irises to almost nothing.

“I want you to say it.” Crocodile’s voice is low, almost a whisper. There’s an almost inaudible rumble from his chest that you can hear. You somehow know exactly what he wants.

“I’m yours.” You look him in the eyes as you say that, his claws pressuring your neck just enough so you know they’re there.

“Fuck, you’re perfect.” You feel the heat radiating off his body and there’s not a doubt in your mind he can see how affected you are by him.

His claws continue to play at the edge of the choker while you try not to wither under his touch. You’d take whatever kind of touch he would give you but that doesn’t mean you still don’t want more. The desperate thought of him wrapping that large hand around your neck flits through your head and you shudder.

“What was that pet?” Of course it didn’t go unnoticed, nothing does.

“I was- just thinking, sir.” Your words come out fragmented but that doesn’t seem to bother him, in fact a smirk comes over his face.

“Thinking? What about? Tell me.” He leans down, further invading your space as that hand near your throat keeps you from slinking away.

While it’s hard to admit it to him, you don’t think for a second about disobeying him. “Your hand around my neck.”

A low growl leaves him as he gives you what you want, his hand big enough to fully wrap around your throat. You don’t bite back the moan that leaves you as he grips lightly, fully discarding any shame you have.

“You just need to ask and I’ll give you anything you could ever want. All the gold, all the clothing, all the books this world has to offer. Just say the word.” His grip on your throat keeps your eyes locked with his, showing you how truthful he’s being. Sure, he has a physical grip on you right now, but you can see you have just as much hold over him.

“I want you.”

There’s a moment where you’re confident the world stops moving as his grip reflexively tightens around you. You feel his breath, uneven, fan over your face as he stares down at you.

“Say it again.” He demands, voice little more than a growl.

“I want-“ You don’t get to finish your sentence before you’re being pulled up into a bruising kiss.

There’s nothing gentle or even kind about the way he kisses you. He takes- robbing you of your breath and thoughts as his sharp teeth drag over your lips, drawing blood. When he finally lets you pull away you taste the thick iron of your blood as you gasp for whatever air you can get past his grip around your throat.

It was everything you wanted.

He drags you backwards until he’s sitting in that huge throne and you brace your hands on the armrests as you continue to kiss him. You go breathless many times before he releases his grip on you, head pleasantly swimming from lack of oxygen. You press your forehead to his, the cool scales that dot his hairline running a chill through you.

“Too much for my pet?” He teases, claws slipping under your shirt and up your sides.

“No sir.” To prove yourself somehow you slowly sink down to your knees in front of him, hands drifting from the armrests to his knees. He somehow looked even better from this angle, broad shoulders filling up the throne and the sharp angles of his face gazing down at you.

Claws rake through your hair as you undo the fastening on his pants, an impressive bulge already straining at the fabric. Impressive quickly turns to overwhelming as you push away his clothing and get a full view of him. You had thought many, many times about what he would look like but none of your fantasies really prepared you.

He was massive- intimidatingly so. Your hand reaches out and grips his base and your fingers don’t come close to touching. He’s smoother than you would expect, long as he curves up towards his stomach, ending in an almost angular tip. You bring your mouth to his tip, taking him in just a bit. Salt and earth weigh on your tongue, surprisingly not too unpleasant.

Letting saliva pool in your mouth you messily let it drip down his cock. You pull off of him and use both of your hands to slide up and down his length, coating him in your spit. The hand in your hair grips hard and forces you to look up at him.

“I want you to look at me while you pleasure me pet.” The pain of him pulling your hair only turns you on further.

“Yes sir.” You keep eye contact with him as you take him into your mouth once again, tongue flattening as you slowly push him further into your mouth and down your throat. You can’t take all of him but your hands compensate, sliding up and down the remaining length in time with your mouth. Apparently though, it’s not quite enough.

“Oh, pet, let me-“ Claws dig into your scalp as he holds your head in place and thrusts his hips up to shove his cock further down your throat.

You sputter and gag as he forces himself down further than you thought he could go but he doesn’t let up, holding you there while you adjust. Finally you force your breathing through your nose, tears streaming down your face as you calm your throat down to take him.

“That’s it- knew you could take more- don’t think about a thing just let me fuck that tight little throat of yours.” He continues his assault and you let him, not making a single move to escape his grasp.

Your don’t have enough thought in your head to continue moving your hands so you just hold his base as he uses your throat. All that you can do is take what he’s giving you and do your best to maintain eye contact through the tears. You can only imagine what you look like to him- absolutely debauched as your mouth and throat stretch to accommodate him, tears and spit dripping from your face onto the stone below.

You’re not sure how long you’re like this, knees on the cold stone as you let your face get fucked, losing track of time and just about everything else. It’s only when his thrusts loose their steady rhythm and you can feel the throb of his cock that you snap back, suddenly hearing the words pouring out of Crocodile’s mouth.

“I knew you’d be such a good whore for me- you’re going to swallow what I give you aren’t you pet? It’ll be so easy when I pour it right down your throat-“ At least you know it’s coming and you hum in acknowledgment, the only way you can let him know that you want it too.

That noise in your throat seems to be all that’s needed to push him over the edge as he holds your head tight and spills his cum down your throat. You fight against the urge to gag, doing your best to swallow until he finally releases his grip on the back of your head, letting you pull off and gasp for air. You rest your head on his thigh while you catch your breath and you feel his hand gently brush against your cheek, a sharp contrast to how he was only a few moments ago.

“So good for me… does my pet deserve a reward?” You barely have time to process his words before you’re being moved, world flipping around.

Suddenly you’re sitting in the throne and Crocodile is on his knees in front of you, a predatory grin splitting his face. He doesn’t waste any time, sharp claws tearing and ripping your bottoms clean off. You want to protest but the words die in your throat as he holds your thighs open and stares at you.

“I knew you’d be soaked but all this?” You feel the sharp edge of his claws play at your folds. “My poor pet has been so pent up.”

He kisses up your inner thigh and as he gets closer occasionally his sharp teeth sink into your flesh, just breaking the delicate skin there. After every bite he licks over the wounds and you can’t quite see but you can feel that his tongue is longer than you would expect it to be. Your fists ball at your sides, every pinprick of pain sending a new rush of pleasure through you.

“You can grip onto me if you like, you won’t hurt me.” Hesitantly, you move one of your hands to his hair as he hikes your thighs over his shoulders. “I’ve been waiting to taste you since I first saw you, I just know you’ll be divine.”

His claws somehow don’t rip open you skin as he pries your folds open before diving in with that long, thick tongue. You immediately see stars as pushes his tongue into you and it curls inside you. The pad of his thumb presses down on your clit as he relentlessly swipes against your insides. He pulls back for a second, a single strand of hair falling in his face.

“If you’re going to take me I’ll have to get you ready.” You watch as his golden claws loose their edge but get thicker before they disappear between your legs.

Your legs instinctually wrap around his neck as you feel the cool metal press against your entrance. You hear him chuckle before his tongue swirls around your clit and he presses a single large finger inside you. The moan that leaves you would embarrass you if you were capable of that emotion anymore. The gold is thick and cold inside you, a feeling so weirdly foreign yet amazing.

All of the sensations- his finger inside you, his tongue swirling around your clit, his flesh hand holding your hips down- it’s too much. Crying out and griping his hair you cum all over his finger and tongue. Despite your orgasm Crocodile doesn’t let up for a second though, a second finger slipping inside you while your mind and body buzzed off the high.

“You’re going to have to get a lot looser than that pet.” The two fingers make a scissoring motion inside you and he uses the gap he creates to snake his tongue inside you as well.

You nearly yell in pleasure as his tongue reaches spots you can only dream of finding with your own fingers. Without thinking your hips move up to try and find more friction but his single hand keeps you pressed down to the velvet fabric of the throne. He shoots you a warning glare that only makes you want more. You’re already sensitive from the orgasm you just had so it’s not too long before you’re chanting his title and wrapping your legs ever tighter around the back of his neck. His tongue pulls out and you whine at the loss but it’s short lived as it travels up to your clit, flicking over it before you feel the very edges of his teeth scrape that sensitive bud and you feel like your nerves light on fire.

You’re gushing over his fingers again and he finally stops moving, pressing more kisses and bites into your inner thighs. Once your legs finally relax he slides his fingers out and uses both his hands to grip your waist as he flips your positions once again. This time as he sits on the throne you’re positioned on his lap, his length already sliding against your folds.

“Do you think you’re ready to take me?” His mouth finds your neck, teeth scraping against skin as you grind against his cock. “Or are you going to get off like this?”

“No- please I need you inside me.” You force yourself to stop moving to prove your point.

“Hm… you’re almost ready…” One of his sharp claws rips open your top from the center causing it too fall loose from your shoulders. Now all that’s left on you is that golden choker. “Perfect.”

Just one of his hands is enough to lift you up, the other hand lining up his cock with your entrance. You gasp as his tip presses into you, already stretching you out as much as his fingers. Digging your nails into the fur lining of his coat, somehow still situated on his shoulders, you do your best to stay relaxed as Crocodile pushes inch after inch into you.

“I- fuck- you’re too big-“ You sputter out as you feel him getting deeper, pushing your body to its limits.

“You just- fuck pet- you just need to relax. You can take it. I know you can.” You feel the cold metal of his gold hand rub tight circles around your clit. “You’re gripping me so tight just let me in.”

“I’m-“ You feel like you’re being ripped in half but there’s something about the pain of the stretch that feels so good.

You’re already so overstimulated and the filthy words in your ear and the quick movements of his fingers are too much. You cum with a wordless scream, burying your face into Crocodile’s neck. Taking advantage of how your body contracts and then relaxes during your orgasm he shoves his cock in the rest of the way- tip suddenly shoving against your cervix and sending a wave of pain through your body. You hit his shoulder and he pulls back slightly, soothing kisses pressed against your throat.

“See thats it, you could take me pet, see?” His hand rubs over your abdomen and lightly pushes you back. “Look at that.”

You look down and see your stomach bulging out slightly, showing you how far his cock had gone in you. Crocodile pushes down on the bulge with his hand, fascinated by the way your body takes him. You can only whine, uselessly clawing at his jacket as he sits inside you, unmoving.

“So fucking tight and warm pet. I should have had you like this from the first night you came here. But now that you’re here-“ His hips finally move, each thrust sharp and deep. “You’re never going anywhere else. You’re mine.”

“I’m yours- I’m- Sir please it’s- it’s too much-“ Three orgasms had put all your nerves on edge, each slide of his cock inside you overwhelming.

“Oh you can take it. You’re doing so well pet- just a little more-“ He quickens his pace and you cry out before he captures your lips with his own and swallows all your noises.

Pushed past where you thought you could go everything goes a bit numb, head fuzzy in a pleasant way. You give yourself up to him, let him take whatever he wants from you as you surrender. There’s no more thoughts in your head and you can barely hear the nasty things he’s whispering in between kisses. You’ve never felt like this before and you loved it.

The fog clears slightly when Crocodile nips at your earlobe. “I’m going to fill you up pet- how’s that sound?”

You can only moan in response, you’d be fine with whatever he asked you at this point.

“That’s it- so fucking perfect for me- taking it all for me and letting me fill you up- just like-“ He shifts his hips and thrusts faster, hitting deep inside you. “Need you to cum again, come on pet, grip me tight like that again-“

“I- I don’t know if-“ Your protests are quickly drowned out.

“Yes you can- come on now.” He presses against your abused clit again and your body caves to his demands as your walls convulse around him.

You feel his warm seed pour into you, mixing with your cum and gushing out onto both of your thighs. You’re only somewhat aware of how much cum he spilled into you, still leaking out of him as he slowly pulls out of you. Instinctively you wrap your arms around your neck and pull him close and you feel a warm chuckle in his chest.

“Does my pet need some affection?” Hair is brushed out of your face as one arm holds you close to his chest. “You’ve done such a good job.”

You feel him stand up but you’re secure against his large body as you’re carried off somewhere. Things are still fuzzy and you can’t track the turns down the tunnels but you feel the air grow damper until you hear the sound of running water.

“You’re going to have to let go for a moment.” He tells you gently and you obey, arms sliding off as he sets you down.

It isn’t until your feet hit water that you realize this cave is one giant hot spring. You immediately shuffle forward until you’re mostly covered with the warm water, the heat sinking into your already sore muscles. Crocodile, finally naked, joins you a few moments later, scooping you up from behind. He carries you over to a spot where he can sit and still be mostly covered with water and you stay curled up in his lap.

You’re so tired, mind and body exhausted from the night. It doesn’t even startle you when you feel Crocodile’s tail possessively wrap around your legs while his arms hold you at your waist. Drifting in and out of consciousness you occasionally feel him washing parts of you off, the smell fragrant soaps pushing you even farther to sleep.

You wake up slightly when it’s time to get out of the water, skin pruning from the over exposure. You towel yourself off and Crocodile wraps you in a soft robe before sweeping you off your feet once again.

It’s not long before you’re back in your room, gently laid in bed. You pull the covers over yourself as Crocodile scans over your body.

“Have a good night pet.” He says, rubbing your shoulder before taking a few steps away.

“Wait.” Your words stop his leaving and he casts you a questioning glance. “You said I could have anything I want?”

“Yes, of course.” He walks back over to you.

“Then… could you stay the night with me?”

Sir Crocodile isn’t easily readable, you’ve been fighting to understand his thoughts for months now through glances and sparse words. He was unmovable, strong, fearsome.

But you don’t miss the way his face softens at your request.

“Whatever you ask.” He slides into bed next to you and after some adjusting your back is pressed against his chest. His arms wrap around your middle and that large tail rests over your leg. You feel safe, secure, against his large frame.

“Sleep well my treasure.”

[cheesus-doodles]

Beyond the Glitter of Gold

Yandere Kalim

Masterlist

‎‎‎

i really couldn't think of a better title ;-; just a little idea that had been stuck in my head and i needed to get out

Kalim had never wanted for anything. 

How could he, when the Asim family that he was the heir to was one of the wealthiest in all of the Scalding Sands? Anything he had ever wanted had always just been an ask away from being within his grasp; there was no doubt that the world was his oyster when the gold and jewels and treasures lost in a single vault back home was worth more than entire cities. Yet -

"I was just over for dinner yesterday, I would hate to intrude ag-" You hadn't even completed your sentence before Kalim interjected.

"No, no, you wouldn't be a bother at all!" He laughed, propping his hands on his waist, cheery grin pulling his lips from ear to ear. "You have to come over for dinner tonight, Jamil is making your favorite baked sweets with pistachios and almonds today. Right, Jamil?"

Said dark-skinned boy simply nodded. "Certainly. You will always be welcomed at the Scarabia dorm."

Watching you bite your lip as you contemplated his now almost-daily request for you to come over and join him at his dorm, the usually carefree, jolly housewarden found himself mirroring the uncertain expression clear on your face as he held his breath, anxiously awaiting your response and praying that you didn’t catch the desperation in his tone. For the very first time, the Asim heir had found himself wanting - no, craving - for something money couldn't buy him, with his mood for the rest of his day hanging treacherously in the balance depending on your answer.

The shiny solid gold discs that hung from his accessories jingled in the light wind that swept down the open hallways, the gold that Kalim was always clad in glimmering lightly in the soft sunlight that reached in the inner corridor. Around the three of you, waves of students flowed past as if following the breeze, the light tapping of shoes across well-worn cobblestone floors, combined with chatter, rising into a lively background hubbub associated with school life. Curious gazes were tossed your way from time to time, though it was certainly more at Kalim and Jamil; after all, what could a housewarden and vice-housewarden possibly want with you, of all people? But they would get no answers from either boy or you, not with just their gazes, and so on they trotted to their various destinations, questions being pushed to the back of their mind.

"I probably shouldn’t." When you next spoke, your tone was almost apologetic, as if already gearing up to turn him down. "Trein assigned a lot of homework and it's due soon."

In an instant, the sunny look on the Asim heir’s face dropped, Kalim letting out a pathetic whimper like you had personally walked up and kicked him in the gut. Your words instantly trailed off, a dagger to his heart. “You really can’t come over?” All he wanted was to spend more time with you, was that so wrong? Money had never interested the white-haired boy, nor did he understand the motivation of the jealous and the spiteful who would go to any extent to lay their hands on his inheritance, but for once, for once he wished the glitters of gold worked its magic on you. “Not even just for dinner?”

No, you - the Ramshackle Dorm Prefect, somehow pulled into Night Raven College from another world - had an equal amount of interest in the glitters of gold as you had magical abilities. Which was to say, zero. Woe is him.

‎‎

‎‎

The undecidedness in your expression only grew as you glanced away uncomfortably from your friend’s heartbroken expression, yet seemingly frozen on the spot, unsure of what your next move should be. And it was the same thoughts that Jamil assumed you had, your face an open book that he didn’t find difficult to read in the slightest. But after the unfortunate series of events that he put Kalim through during the winter holidays, it was the least he could do to make it up to his master as a loyal servant of the Asim family. Helping to fulfill such a simple desire shouldn’t even be an afterthought for a personal attendant of Jamil’s caliber. 

“It would be a pity if you couldn’t attend dinner,” Jamil sighed dramatically, shaking his head as he rested one hand on his waist, sharp charcoal gray eyes subtly scanning your body language. “I suppose all my hard work making those desserts would have to go to waste.” 

As for you, well. The Scarabia vice-housewarden didn’t think you were so bad to have around.

You blinked, the mention of your favorite treat combined with the treacherous thought of throwing it away catching you off guard. “To waste?” You echoed, your firm, homework-centric tone wavering - and the black-haired boy knew he got you. “Why can’t someone else eat it?”

“I made enough for one extra person,” came his response, accompanied with a convincing grimace.

By now, the world around you was starting to quiet as the masses of students disappeared round corners, leaving behind the three of you and a silence that only seemed to grow louder as the seconds ticked by while you contemplated your dilemma, your gaze occasionally glancing towards the stairwell that headed up to the library and then back at the clock that hung on the nearby wall. Lunch break was about over for the day, and while you didn’t have another class to attend, they certainly did, and time was running out. Still, no matter how much Jamil hated tardiness, this was a rather important matter to settle for Kalim. 

Gray eyes slid over to his downtrodden master, who was now busy muttering inaudibly to himself, sandalled feet kicking at the ground. You were a vastly more capable and tolerable companion to have than Kalim, a sight for sore eyes in fact, no matter how much he hated having to admit it. A pleasant conversation, being able to help in the kitchen without starting the next disaster, hot meals back from your home world that he would never dream of cooking; you were like the older sibling Jamil never had. Nothing more than that of course. After all, it would be improper, given how you were already the apple of Kalim’s eye.

Yet for once, it was surprisingly Kalim that made the next move, his hand shooting out grab yours before his thoughts had fully passed through his brain, startling both you and Jamil. "We can do it together!" The white-haired boy blurted out, free hand tugging at the sleeve of your school uniform pitifully, his gold jewelry catching a stray ray of sunlight and reflecting it onto the stone wall behind. “Trein’s homework, I mean. I always have difficulty with it anyway.”

A pause, then Kalim continued. "You'll help me with it?"

“And you could have dinner as well so we don’t have to throw away desserts,” Jamil finished, a grin quirking at his lips. 

It was the straw that broke the camel's back, and you caved to the temptation of a sweet treat and the pressure of Kalim's pleading. "Alright, alright. I guess I can come over."

Score one, Jalim thought amusedly. He didn't even think Kalim had it in him.

‎‎

The skies above the Scarabia dorm were littered with stars as you munched away on your dessert, blissfully unaware that it had been specially made specifically for you and only you. A new bangle dangled from your wrist, glimmering in the tired glow of the oil lamps that hung down from the ceiling as you pointed out another error in Kalim’s homework - it was simple, decorated with just a few small cuts of precious stones, and it was all the Asim family’s heir could convince you to accept. Anything in the storeroom that his father had sent with him was open to your choosing, yet you had declined and declined until the two had finally worn you down. 

It was clear that to Kalim, all you saw was him, the person, and not his vast wealths; treating him for who he was and not what he had. Refreshing, but at the same time heartwrenching. You were simply waiting to go home after all.

Jamil watched the two of you from a respectable distance for a moment as the two of you laughed over something he couldn’t quite discern, before turning to make the journey to the kitchen, mugs in hand. Despite the earlier surprise, what he had brewing in his mind was a plan that Kalim certainly would never put together himself, but there was no doubt that it was feasible. All he had to figure out first was how much it would take to get Crowley to conveniently be “unable” to find a way home for you - and how much to make sure you never found out.

A low blow, his idea certainly was. And if he suggested it to the Asim heir, the other would agree to that much, but Jamil was certain Kalim would ultimately give in to his desires and make it happen. You wouldn’t be going anywhere far from Kalim if he could help it, not with the glitters of gold that would weigh you down.

[crowandmousewritingco]

Water Cooler Courting

Pairing: Frankie (Catfish) Morales x gn!reader

Words: 1.4k

Rating G: (brief mention of divorce)

Summary: There's a new coworker that catches the eye of a certain salesman.

Author: Mod Mouse

Notes: This is my entry in AU August challenge by @punkshort and got the prompt of coworker!Frankie. I hope you enjoy this cute little drabble!

You didn’t think an office job was for you, but when you started working in advertising for Standard Oil, it was honestly the best job you could’ve asked for. The working environment was idle for your working patterns. Most of your team was amazing and you could feel yourself getting in the grove of your daily work schedule. 

One man in particular piqued your interest. A sweet middle aged man who wore the same company hat everyday, who you had seen in sales, tried to make subtle glances your direction. In the breakroom, he peaked over the rim of his coffee cup in the morning only to turn away when you looked over at him. And you knew that he didn’t pay attention to anything that happened in that budget meeting. You had to admit he was cute so you decided to keep an eye on this interesting man. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You have to talk to them,” Benny commented leaning against Frankie’s cubicle. 

Frankie, who was putting all of his concentration into organizing the same stack of papers since the beginning of this conversation, didn't look up at his best friend. If he did then he would have to acknowledge what he was implying. “I have no idea what you are talking about.” 

“Come on man, I saw how they were looking at you during the budget meeting. They were thinking, ‘How much will it cost me to take this handsome man out for dinner?’” Benny responded leaning on the edge of the cubicle. 

“It wasn’t like that. They probably just liked my shirt,” Frankie retorted though he knew it was a flimsy excuse. 

“Give me a break Frankie. You have to at least try. How long has it been since you’ve been on a date?” 

Frankie stood from his office chair and gently shoved past Benny on his way to the files room. Benny had been trying to get him out in the dating scene since the beginning of the year. He swore up and down it’s what he needed, but he wanted to deny that maybe he was right. But Frankie wasn’t gonna tell him that. 

“I don’t need to go out on a date. I gotta concentrate on work and my kid,” Frankie rolled his eyes as he turned the corner. 

Benny groaned. “That’s the same excuse you always use. Remember when you liked that girl from what two weeks ago, and had an amazing time yet you ghosted her.” 

Frankie shook his head as they weaved their way through the maze of offices. “She wasn’t the right fit.” 

“She literally said she wanted to go on another date with you while you were still on the date,” He deadpanned. 

Frankie paused in front of the files room and with a sigh turned to his friend. “Okay maybe that wasn’t my best move.” Benny rolled his eyes and Frankie rubbed his temple. “But it’s not a good time really. I just…haven’t been able to get over her. And who knows. Maybe they don’t want some office romance. They did just start four months ago.” 

Benny sighed. “Okay fine but at least get to know them. They’re a cool person. I talked to them about football for like an hour yesterday. Give them a chance and if things go the way that they do, they let it happen.” 

“Will this get you off my back?” He smirked at his best friend. 

“Only time will tell. But for now I must unfortunately return to my humble abode.” He stated as he walked about. Benny turned over his shoulder and called out. “I better see some flirting happening!”  

Frankie took a deep breath as he saw Benny slip around the corner and set the files in their intended slots. His thoughts were running quickly through his head when he heard a familiar giggle. He turned and saw you joking along with a few of your teammates. A blush creeped into his cheeks and he pulled his well loved hat down as he returned to his cubicle. Dammit you were too cute for his own good. He took a sip of his since chilled coffee and sighed. 

Attempting to work was not happening for Frankie. He had been staring at the blinking cursor for well over 15 mins. All he could concentrate on was that laugh. It rang throughout the cubicles in a way that made his heart skip a beat like he hadn’t felt since he met his ex wife. 

“Dammit Benny being right all the time,” Frankie groaned and stood up from his desk. Maybe water would fix his system. He didn’t even wanna tempt himself with the breakroom so off to the water cooler it was. Hopefully the cold water could wake his system. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A dull thud behind your eyes started to develop as you continued to stare at the design you were currently working on, but god only knows the amount of fights you were having with Photoshop. It was evident that your productivity had greatly decreased, and you weren’t finishing this project anytime soon. You sighed and grabbed your mug of coffee though when you realized you already finished your second cup, you rubbed your temple with your knuckle. 

“Guess I should have water then,” You sighed and stood up from your ergonomic office chair. Not even bothering with the break room you stopped by the water cooler in the corner of the office spaces. You set the coffee up below the blue value and sighed when the familiar bubbling sound as water filled your empty cup. 

“Seems like we had the same idea,” A voice commented behind you and you turned to see Frankie standing behind you. 

You smiled as you turned off the tap. “I ironically couldn’t do another cup of coffee. Had to have water at some point today.” 

Frankie chuckled and leaned against the wall. “I get that. Been tryn’ to kick that habit but you see how well that’s going.” He gestured with his empty mug. 

“Well I’m right there with you,” You smirk and hold up your own mug. 

“I see we’re doing amazing.” 

“Just the best. I blame art school. Four years of late nights in the studio really made me dependent on the stuff,” You grinned. 

“The years spent in the military did the same to me.” Frankie added. 

“Oh really where did you serve?” You asked leaning against the wall so Frankie could have a turn. 

“South America,” He answered, turning on the tap. 

You nodded at his answer. “My brother did a tour in Iraq.” You added. 

“Had more in common then I thought,” Frankie remarked tilting his head to the side. 

A smile formed on your lips. “I guess we do.” You took another sip of your water before asking. “How long have you worked here?” 

Frankie thought for a second as he switched the water off. “I think around 4 years. Got the job a year after I got out of the army.” 

“Was sales something you’ve always wanted to do?” You asked looking up at the man curiously. 

“Maybe not a dream of mine but always wanted something stable to support my kid,” Frankie explained with a slight blush. 

You smile softly and felt your heart flutter. “That’s actually really sweet.” 

“Thank you. I’ve been tryin to give her a nice life, but ya know how life is sometimes.” Frankie rubbed the back of his neck. 

“I really do. My dad always tried his best when it came to me and my siblings. I can tell you’re a good dad.” 

This time Frankie couldn’t hide the blush that flushed his cheeks, and you chuckled. “How about I buy you a coffee sometime? I really would like to get you know you better.” 

Frankie had to blink a few times to process the information he just heard. YOU were asking HIM on a date. He had to shake his head to get his thoughts. “Yes um ya I-I would love that.” He replied quickly. 

Heat flushed your cheeks and you nodded. “How about Friday after work? My friend runs a cute cafe just around the corner.” 

“That sounds amazing,” Frankie answered with a smile. 

“Perfect, I will see you around,” You said as you turned back towards your office. 

Frankie watched you return to your cubicle and he couldn’t help but smile like a love sick puppy. This interaction would fuel him for the rest of the week. He turned to walk back to his office when he saw Benny give him a thumbs up from his office. He sighed. He hated when he was right, but maybe this time he would let it slide.

```````

All Works Taglist

@for-a-longlongtime

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@littlemisspascal @burntheedges @carusolikey @thebeldroramscal @morallyinept @lady-bess @pedrostories @rivnedell

[twst-drabbles]

Dire 9

Summary: Dire like to make little mental bets with himself about which pixie will be tailing around the dear, dear Janitor.

Originally, Dire wanted the rest of the staff to play this game of his. He wanted to have fun, make some bets and see which faerie follows the Janitor around and potentially bond with everyone. And also get some pocket money on the side but that’s besides the point. Do you know what they said to him when he proposed the idea?

“Why would we bother when we know you’re going to lose?”

The gall of it all! They have absolutely no faith in his ability to gamble! Sure he almost ran himself into debt before but he had the self-control to stop himself before things got worse. Besides, it’s not that much money, only a few thaumarks and perhaps a nice antique item. And maybe a few dishes and some vacation days…

Anyways, point being, Dire had no one to bet with, so he had no choice but to bet with himself. Play his own private little games, since seeing he has no choice.

There is practically no end to the amount of pixies that love and adore you. Dire did make sure to recruit as many as possible in order to ensure the stability of this college, after all. And, while his memory is a little but foggy, Dire is more than sure he can take a daily guess as to what faerie or faeries will be following you around.

Today was a moist day, as yesterday there was a storm that nearly flooded the campus had it not been for the water pixies that were there. As such, the water pixies won’t be around, as they will be resting somewhere, or playing in a lake. The winds haven’t been all that active so Dire can cross out wind faeries following you around. Those of fire will be hiding away until the moisture calms down, oh but it is an incredibly cloudy day, so the pixies of light might be around.

Yes yes, let’s place his bets on those of light. You do go around and clean in the darkest of places no problem and pixies do so love to help you out. The rewards you grant are generous after all.

“Now then, where did I put the tag,” murmured Dire as he sifted through a drawer in his desk, filled to the brim with a number of fancy black name tags. “There it is!”

With the gold-trimmed tag in hand, Dire walked over to the calendar and pinned it.

“Now I just have to wait and see.” Because you always come by his office to do a general checkup and also report any interesting findings–and there are no shortages of it–to him.

And, as one would expect, you came in not even twenty minutes later. And sitting on your shoulder was–

“Dire, there’s a leak in my dorm and I’m gonna need you to order some materials for me,” you sighed, work outfit covered in muck and dust. A little pixie with a veiled mushroom hat swung their little feet, limbs colored black from their work. “A bunch of mushrooms and mold started growing right in the corner of my bedroom.”

Another little faerie, laid on your head, wearing a jacket of dark green, puffy mold. They grinned and sunk deeper into it’s… ‘luxury’ items.

Dire took in air, then let his face slam on his desk.

“Uh, you doing okay?”

“It’s nothing. Just wading through the ocean of my loses. Please, pay me no mind. I’ll order new floor boards and other such things soon enough.”

[pablitogavii]

I have a slightly strange idea, since in Spain it is hot in the summer it has occurred to me that Gavi is with his partner and that if the girl refuses to give him a hug because of the heat and the next day Pablo put the air conditioner on full (so it would be cold) for the girl to hug him. I don't know if you could do something with this

No more excuses!

"Joder! Es demasiado caliente!" you said while you were sitting on the balcony of your and Pablo's shared apartment drinking some cold lemonade trying to answer you emails.

You just had to come back inside but after collecting so much heat from the outside, you were still sweating despite the AC being turned on.

"I'm home amor!" Pablo walked in with Ale returning from the daily run. You were still confused how he could run during weather like this! That's an athlete for you haha!

He reached to hug you but you pulled back asking him to shower and he groaned giving his friend his car keys and he left before Pablo went to the bathroom to shower.

You really could care less if he was sweaty and smelly but you were just way too hot to hug anybody right now! You just needed to cool down for a few minutes.

You were sitting on the couch reading emails when he came back wanting to pull you to cuddle but you pulled back again.

"Are you mad at me or something amor?" he asked and you shook your head groaning that you were still too hot to even think straight.

"No cariño..I'm just hot!" you say closing the lap top and leaving to take a cold shower yourself hoping that would help. Pablo was left there pouting and watching some random game wishing you would just let him hug you anyways!

Even during the night, you refused to get too close sleeping in your panties and his old shirt still feeling so freaking hot. This summer was really a killer in Barcelona!

Since you knew you both needed physical contact to fall asleep you still held his hand but that's all the contact Pablo got and that wasn't what he wanted!

When he woke up the next morning, he rushed to lower the temperature so much so that you were woken up with a goosebumps all over your skin.

"Joder!" he heard rushing into the bedroom with a smug on his face while you were freaking out looking yourself fin the mirror.

"What's wrong mi amor??" he asked and you turned around with a worried face making him furrow his eyebrows.

"I think I am entering menopause amor! I was so hot yesterday and I'm too cold right now..and what if I can't have kids anymore!?" you were mumbling until Pablo bursted out in laughter.

"That's not funny cabrón! I wanted to be a mom!" you hit his shoulder quite hard but of course it didn't hurt at all and he grabbed your body pulling you close.

"And you will be in the future princesa.." he smirked and you rolled your eyes not thinking this was the time for him to be dirty.

"You're barely 20 years old amorcito, you're not entering menopause..I lowered the temperature in the apartment" he explained and you quickly calmed down now laughing at yourself realizing how absurd your conclusion was.

"Shut up! I was so scared! Cabrón! Why did you lower the temperature so much!?" you say and he chuckled kissing your head and pulling you even closer so that your hands were resting on his strong chest.

"So that you can hug me finally! And cuddle me! And sleep in my arms! I miss you amor!" he pouts and you giggle leaning in and kissing his lips lovingly giving him the biggest hug possible.

"Awe cariño..tu eres tan precioso!" you coo and he blushes while still hugging you refusing to let go.

"Menopause? Really amor!?" he teases and you both burst out in laugher while being in each other's embrace.

[sunkissedscribbles]

Prejudiced - Chapter Thirteen

this is only a part of the series, the previous and next chapters can be found here 

A/N: i know, i know. it took way too long for me to post this, but I'm back again

WORD COUNT: 1345

TW: mentions of death, mattheo's nightmare and memories

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dividers by @chachachannah

The remaining days of the winter break after Mattheo's birthday seem to drag me into a peaceful routine that becomes familiar by the end of it; Mattheo plays a big part in this routine, as it is technically only him I spend time with during this period. Kiara, well, got wrapped up in Theo's sheets again. Sometimes we have these days where we're barely in contact. It's like taking family leave from work. This week is one of those. We don't even meet in the Great Hall at breakfast since she messed up her sleep schedule again; waking up at four and going to sleep at four is her new profession, to say the least. Sometimes I feel like she's in a different timezone.

My daily routine, on the other hand, is different from hers: I have breakfast with Mattheo, sometimes with him and Theo when the latter can make it out of bed before Ki, study a bit afterwards (mostly with Mattheo sitting opposite me at the table in the library, trying to distract me), and then have lunch (the guy threatening me to stuff the food down my throat), and basically spend the rest of the day with him, with occasional outings to Hogsmeade, visiting the Black Lake, or making mixtapes in either of us' rooms.

And the bad thing is, that however much I enjoy his company, I'm growing too attached. I have attachment issues, that's for sure, making a very nice combo with my problem of trusting people and letting them in, but Mattheo somehow dodged and still dodges all those walls I tried to build around myself, just how I tried getting through his. Fortunately, successfully.

Last night, he had another nightmare. He hadn't had a single one during the break, fortunately, spared his birthday too, but he didn't have that luck yesterday. It hurts to see him like that: dishevelled, sweaty and with fear evident in his eyes – yet he manages to climb the stairs to the Gryffindor Tower, and up to my room, even if he sometimes seems lunatic in his walk.

"I saw him again–"

"He... attacked me–"

"Unforgivable curse–"

"I disappointed him–"

"Don't tell Theo..."

His words still echo in my mind, even as I roll over in the morning to tuck him in better. He always sleeps so peacefully after a nightmare; his facial muscles relax and he stops frowning his brows, and I can't help but want to reach out to touch the scar across his right eyebrow, to trace down along it. God, he's so gorg–

What?

No.

I suddenly shake my head, almost as if getting rid of the thought, a clearly inappropriate one. I have no idea what's got into me lately but this certainly isn't anything great. I let out a huff as I roll back over, but that doesn't help my case as I feel an arm wrapping around me in no time, pulling me closer, my back against Matt's chest, his breath hot against my neck, making my ears go red and my body heat up under the duvet.

I'm starting to think this is some sort of karma.

But, my train of thought takes a 180, and my mind is back on the boy spooning against me from behind. On how he always talks about his past after a nightmare, shares himself bit by bit, through small pieces.

I remember sitting on the floor with him in my room, our backs against the wall as he shared his life with me. “He’s always been violent, probably even before they took me in,” he said about Theodore Nott Sr in a shaky voice. “He’s always hurt Theo and me, physically and mentally. But he was the worst to mum.”

He told me he’s called Theo’s mother ‘mum’ ever since he could remember.

“…I don’t have many memories about my family. I was little when mother left us, and Theo’s family took me in as soon as my father disappeared, that night…”

I remember his voice shaking as he talked about Theo’s mum, and even now at the simple memory, I start gently caressing his forearm draped around my waist.

“She never distinguished Theo and me. We were both his boys. She taught me Italian,” he smiled softly, though his eyes grew sadder as he went on. “And she was such a great cook, Merlin.”

“Theo’s father did horrible things to her, too. And then, one night-“

“One night, when we were eight, he came he came home drunk. Like, wasted. And he… used an Unforgivable Curse on her. He… tortured her, and didn’t stop until… it was too late. I was afraid he’d kill us too. That was the night I got this,” he pointed at the scar casting down his right eyebrow and cheek, his voice growing shakier by the second. “I-I wanted to help mum, but… I was too late. Theo didn’t come out of his room for days."

He also told me how it was for him when we arrived at Hogwarts in first year. “Horrible,” he stated simply with a bitter tone. I can recall myself how people looked down on him or expected the worst. Half the school was afraid of him, and the other half wanted to test the waters. Pranks, rumours, he got the worst of it. In our second year, he was accused of letting the troll in on Halloween, hexing Harry’s broom, etc.

But the third year was the worst so far, when everything revolved around the Chamber of Secrets. Yes, Harry got it bad, too, but never as much as Mattheo. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and hex people who had judged him before getting to know him.

I’d put every one of them into a coma.

Can I even say something like this as a Prefect?

Probably not.

Anyway.

I look down at the arm of the sleeping boy swung around my waist protectively.

What would it be like if I held his hand?

The memory of the first night of this school year appears in my mind, how I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him up into the Astronomy Tower. Then, the realization comes washing down on me like ice-cold water, that I, indeed have hexed someone who was rude to Mattheo.

Bloody McLaggen. But he deserved it. Cormac is a reappearing problem in my life, too, something you would want to just cut off and never think of any more. Not like a recurring nightmare, more like an embarrassing wet dream with someone you’d rather not imagine yourself having sex with, as even the thought of it is A, humiliating, B, inconvenient, or C, outright frightening and disgusting. Like doing it with Darth Vader (excluding the time he was an actual human being because I can understand Padmé). And I strongly believe I’m not the only one thinking this about him.

Him shifting a bit around shakes me out of my thoughts, and I suddenly become overly aware of how his hips bucked a little against my backside, and how he scooped me closer to himself like a kid his teddy bear just a second ago. Hell, I could get used to this.

I can’t seem to relax though, and can’t fight the urge of taking his hand in mine, so I act without thinking and gently grab it, without waking him up. Like that night. And like the evening of the Yule Ball.

I wish we had more opportunities to waltz around the Great Hall.

His hand on my waist, the other holding mine gently, how his hips brushed against mine while we were dancing, and how securely he pulled me back against him after twirling me—

No. I need to stop. ASAP.

I take a deep breath, trying to untangle my thoughts, but my heart only starts beating faster, and I try to forget about those drug and alcohol-driven kisses, but MERLIN, THOSE LIPS. Kiss him and try to make me forget after.

Fuck, this is not good.

tag list: @inksoakedparchment @mattiesgf @mqstermindswift @girllblogging777 @myysunshine @yelanare @mamartinez

[maeby-bby]

You Fluster Me

Enoch O'Connor x Reader Genre: Fluff Word Count: 1739 A/N: This may be a bit out of character for Enoch but it's an idea I've had in my head for a while now! Reader has a teleportation peculiarity. Reminder requests are open if you want something for the holidays!

You confused Enoch ever since you entered the loop. You were kind to everyone, no matter if they were being rude to you. You were even kind to him, though he never gave you the time of day to begin with. Enoch was intrigued by you entirely and wanted to find ways to talk to you. He would even ask Olive about your interests so he would know what to talk about when he finally got the chance to do so. He was certain he would someday talk to you without messing up.

He didn’t expect it to happen sooner rather than later.

It started in the library when he was going to grab new hearts he had jarred. He had walked past it but did a double take when he saw something moving quickly around the room.

You were teleporting around the shelves, looking all over the books and reading their titles. Your eyebrows furrowed in frustration as you tried to find the book you were looking for. Stopping the teleportation, you looked up at the book you wanted. It was on the very top shelf, not where you had found it the last time you came to the small library. You reached up to grab it but it was just too high for you to reach. You tried different ways, trying to magically stretch your arms just a little bit higher, but to no use. Sighing, you turned around ready to ask Emma if she could possibly help you get the book, but was stopped when you noticed someone standing in the doorway.

“Enoch?”

He stood there wordlessly, his usual blank expression on his face. He looked at you as you said his name, raising his eyebrows a bit at your words. With no expression], he walked over to the shelves you were zipping around earlier. He grabbed the book you were trying to get easily and held it out toward you so you could grab it.

You slowly reached out and took the book from him, looking at the cover.

“Thanks, Enoch! I was going to ask Emma to get it for me, lucky for me you were closer!”

Enoch’s expression didn’t seem to change, as he nodded in acknowledgment and started back to the jarred hearts, pretending that the sudden conversation didn’t affect him. When he reached his room again he could feel his face had turned hot. He hurried back into his work, ignoring Olive’s teasing when she came to his room after hearing what he did for you.

A week or so later after the library incident, Enoch found himself being around you again as Claire wanted both of you to walk with her during the daily walk. She walked in between the two of you, holding each of your hands in hers. Bronwyn had also joined the group, talking to Claire about what games to play when they reached the house again.

“What about hide and seek?” Bronwyn suggested.

“We played that yesterday!” Claire countered.

“Tag?”

“I’m too tired for that!”

“Well then what do you want to play?” Bronwyn asked, giving up on her ideas.

“We should have a tea party!” Claire said excitedly. “We can have our friends join us! You’ll join our tea party won’t you?” She pulled on Enoch’s hand, then yours, getting both of your attention on her.

“Of course, we will honey,” you said with a smile. You looked to Enoch for him to say something, but he was staring at you with his mouth open like his words were caught in his throat. Claire turned her head towards him to see what he would say. He looked down at her, then nodded, turning to look back at the group of peculiars.

Claire and Bronwyn continued to talk about the tea party, asking you questions about how it was going to be set up.

After the walk, you helped Bronwyn set up the tea party, bringing blankets and the teacups to the backyard under the tree. Teleporting in and out of the house, you made sure that the young peculiars had everything they needed before making your way to Enoch’s room to fetch him.

You teleported to the stairs, walking up them nervously. Enoch never really seemed to like you, no matter how hard you tried to be nice to him. Olive reassured you that Enoch just needed some time to get to know you and trust you before he could talk to you the way he does with her.

Reaching his door you raised your hand and knocked. You were met with silence, not even a sound that indicated he was in there.

“The girls are ready to play tea party. Come down when you’re ready.” You said, turning around to teleport back to the girls.

Before you could, you heard the door behind you open up. You looked to see Enoch stepping out and closing the door, keeping his head down as he walked past you. He walked down the hall and towards the stairs, eyes trained on the floor. You watched him go before teleporting just outside the back door, opening it for Enoch once he came down the stairs.

Sitting on the blankets, you and Enoch watched as Claire and Bronwyn poured the tea into teacups and lectured on tea party etiquette. You both accepted the tea from the girls and talked amongst each other until dinner, where Enoch stayed behind to help you take the teapot and cups back into the house.

That night, you told Emma about how Enoch talked to you and helped you take the tea set back into the house. You had even gotten him to crack a smile a couple of times! Over in Enoch’s room, Olive was hearing Enoch’s side of the story. He was telling her how amazing he thought you were, how good you were with the younger peculiars, and how he didn’t mess up talking to you that afternoon.

Over the next couple of days, both you and Enoch started to seek each other out more. Enoch invited you to watch him work on his dolls in his room and you invited him to read with you in the library. You even had some deep conversations about your respective peculiarities, and how it would’ve been to live a normal life without being a peculiar. The two of you had built a nice friendship together, even with Enoch messing up a couple of times with how he worded things.

But Enoch couldn't shake of the feelings he had developed for you. He had knew he liked you a little bit before you officially started to talk to each other, but now knowing you the way he does, he knew he wouldn't be able to hid it. Confiding with Olive on it, he decided he needed to tell you before he made a fool of himself.

The next day, Enoch walked outside looking for you. Hidden behind his back was a small bouquet of flowers he had picked for you. Seeing you lying under the shade of a tree, he made his way over to where you were.

When he got there, he quietly laid down next to you keeping the flowers hidden at his side. He was sure you had heard him walking up, but part of him thought you were asleep.

You were taking in the loop's ambiance when you heard Enoch walk towards you. You had peaked through your eyelashes to confirm it was the quiet peculiar.

The two of you lay in silence for a couple minutes, enjoying the company and the ambiance of the others playing or doing their chores. You turned your head to Enoch, opening your eyes.

"So what brings you out of your dark room today?" You asked.

"...You."

"Me? I hope I didn't look too lonely out here that you would take pity on me."

'No, it's not that. I needed to talk to you actually." Enoch explained, starting to sit up.

Following his movements, you sat facing each other, a confused look on your face as you tried to think of something you did that would prompt Enoch to have a serious talk with you.

Enoch revealed the flowers, holding them out for you to take them. "I just wanted to have a talk because...you fluster me, okay? I can't even think straight when you're around, and I find myself being a nicer person because of you. You're kind, attractive, and smart, and I just can't help myself but like you. More than just a friend. And I hope this doesn't change anything between us if you don't feel the same way. But I needed to get it out before I made an absolute fool out of myself keeping it in."

You sat shocked at his words. All this time, he actually liked you? But was too scared to make a move? You took the flowers from him with a smile.

"You know, you have a dimple on your left cheek that shows when you laugh, and every time I saw you I tried to get you to laugh because I thought it was cute."

"So...you think I'm cute?" he questioned.

"I think you're intimidating. But after getting to know you, yes, I do think you're cute. And I would be lying if I said I didn't like you too."

"Really?"

"Yes. Poor Emma has had to hear all of it the entire time."

"Poor Olive has been hearing it from me too I'm afraid."

You shared a laugh together, cheeks tinted pink with a blush.

"Well, I have to get back to my chores, meet you in your room when I'm done?" You asked, starting to stand up.

"Yeah! Yeah, that's completely fine. I'll leave the door open for you." Enoch answered, standing up as well.

"Thanks for the flowers as well, they're very pretty. I'll see you after my chores are done!" You walked up to Enoch and gave him a quick hug, planting a kiss on his cheek before taking a couple steps and teleporting to do your chores.

Enoch stood there, replaying what happened in his head. He raised his hand and put it on his cheek where you had kissed him. Giving a little chuckle, he turned and started his walk back to his room, waiting for you to be done with your chores for the day.

[stellarspecter]

Who Is That Brand New Babygirl?

@stevieweek Day 1: Stobin | Day 2: Gender Euphoria | Dice Roll: 7. Lingerie

(since there were 10 extra prompts provided, i decided to roll a d10 each day for an extra prompt along with the daily theme! and i combined day 1 and day 2 because i didn't get anything out yesterday and it fit my idea anyway lol) (also divider by @/thecutestgrotto)

read on AO3

“How about this one?”

Stevie took the lacy scrap of fabric that Robin had shoved in her face. “I like the color.” The panties were blush pink, with a wide band of lace at the top. 

“There’s a matching bralette, too.” Robin pointed across the aisle to a rack of bralettes, some of them the same color as the panties she held in her hand.

Stevie flushed. “I don’t know…” Wearing panties was one thing, but a bra? “I don’t even have any growth yet.” She gestured aimlessly to her chest, where the hormones she had only just started taking still had yet to work their magic.

“That’s why it’s a bralette, not a bra. No cups,” Robin explained. “Think of it like a training bra. My mom made me start wearing them in middle school and it was kind of weird, but it does make you more used to wearing one. And feel more grown up, which I guess you don’t really need help with because you’re already an adult, but you know. More like a woman.” She stopped talking with that look on her face that meant she was trying to hold in a patented Robin Ramble™. 

“I thought you hated bras,” Stevie pointed out. Robin always made a point of complaining about her bra digging into her ribs, and at this point Stevie thought there might be more of them scattered around her house than in Robin’s, since she always hurried to take them off when she walked in the door.

“I do, but that’s because of the underwire. These ones don’t have that, see?” Robin showed her the simple elastic band at the base of the cups. “Bralettes like this are usually pretty comfortable unless the lace is too scratchy or something.”

Stevie hummed in acknowledgement and ran her fingers across the pink lace. It was soft to the touch, and she couldn’t help but imagine what it might feel like sliding across her skin, under her shirt, a secret from the rest of the world.

She really wanted it.

But what if it wasn’t right? What if she put it on and looked in the mirror and all there was staring back at her was a man playing dress-up, brutish and muscled and ridiculous? She didn’t think she could take the disappointment.

“I…” Her hand hovered over the rack, that fear holding her back. 

“Here, we’ll get a few sizes,” Robin said, businesslike as she combed through them and plucked a few out. “You can try them on in the dressing room and see which one you like best, okay?”

“In the dressing room? But won’t someone — I mean, they’ll see that I have —” She stumbled over her words and just waved her hands at the pile of lace in Robin's hands. 

Robin considered it for a moment, and then shrugged. “We can say it’s mine and you’re just helping me. Come on.”

With that, she led them to the back of the store, where a bored employee pointed them towards an empty fitting room all the way in the back, much to Stevie’s relief. They shuffled into the little cubicle together, the closeness not even close to a problem for them.

Stevie fingered the edge of her shirt nervously. “Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean what if —” She couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud. “— what if it doesn’t fit?” She finished lamely.

“Then we go back out and get another size,” Robin answered. She seemed to understand the unspoken fear beneath her words, and took Stevie’s hand. “I’ll bring the whole lingerie section in here one by one if I need to, okay? We’re not leaving until we find something you feel good in.”

Stevie let out a shaky breath and squeezed Robin’s hand. “Okay. Okay, let’s do this.” With a burst of confidence, she whipped off her shirt and threw it down on the little bend built into the wall. Robin cheered like she was at a sold-out show, not in the back hallway of a department store where other people could definitely hear them. It made Stevie laugh, though, which was almost certainly the point, based on Robin’s satisfied smile.

She pulled a bralette off of its hanger and stared at it for a moment. Would the thing even fit over her head? Were her shoulders too broad? It didn’t have a clasp, so she had to try. With a deep breath, she closed her eyes and put it on.

“Let me help you with the straps,” Robin murmured, soft hands fiddling with the fabric stretched across her back. After a moment, she smoothed her hands across it and stepped away. “Perfect.”

Stevie’s eyes watered under her closed lids. “Perfect?”

“Yeah, Stevie,” Robin whispered, gentle in a way that most people who knew her probably didn’t think she was capable of. But Stevie knew her down to her bones, and she got this side of Robin that barely anyone else got to see — the caretaking, loving, protective side of her that knew the nuance of a gentle touch. “Perfect. You wanna take a look?”

Stevie nodded, heart pounding in her chest, Robin’s hands on her shoulders, steering her towards the mirror. She felt paralyzed with the weight of the moment, this one thing that could make or break her whole transition. What if it didn’t fit her? What if she didn’t fit it?

But Robin had said she looked perfect.

Stevie opened her eyes.

In the mirror in front of her stood a woman. Brown hair just brushing her shoulders, moles dotting her tanned skin, blue jeans starting just under her belly button. The blush pink bralette cupped her breasts — her pecs — her boobs in a gentle curve. The wide lace band at the bottom secured it all, and the thin straps drew attention to her shoulders, yes, but also to her delicate collarbones and throat framed between them. The woman in the mirror reached a shaking hand up to feel, and at the first touch of lace to her fingertips, Stevie couldn’t help but sob.

“Oh, Stevie,” Robin said, bundling her in her arms immediately. “What is it? What’s wrong? Do you want to find a different one? Just tell me what you want, I’ll go find something for you, okay?”

“No, it’s — it’s perfect,” Stevie sobbed, tear tracks rolling picturesque down her cheeks. She hoped they wouldn’t drip on the fabric. “I just — I look like a woman.” 

“Oh,” Robin breathed. She smiled softly over Stevie’s shoulder in the mirror. “So you’re finally seeing how the rest of us see you, huh?”

That made her start crying all over again, her smile staying fixed on her face. “I — Really? You’re not just saying that or buttering me up, you really — you really see me like this?”

“Really really,” Robin confirmed somberly. “I mean, I don’t know why you said you didn’t have boobies. Have you seen these?” She brought her hands up to Stevie’s chest, stopping just below the end of the bralette to frame them. 

Stevie huffed out a wet laugh. “I guess they do fill it out pretty nicely.”

“You guess?” Robin said incredulously. “We gotta find some measuring tape so we can figure out your actual cup size. I bet you’re a B cup already, at least. It’ll be crazy to see how they look in a year.”

“Oh yeah,” Stevie said faintly. “I’m — going to get bigger.” She stared at herself in the mirror intently, analyzing where she might change. “Should we even be shopping this early? I’ll probably grow out of it in a few months.”

Robin shrugged. “It’s a rite of passage, Stevie. Every girl has their first bra. Their first training bra. Then their first real bra. Then they realize bras suck and stop wearing them. Then they realize they’ve been showing full nipple in public on accident for the last week and regrettably, go back to it.”

“That last part might just be you,” Stevie teased.

“So what if it is, it could happen to anybody!” Robin said indignantly. “But seriously, it’s normal to have to go bra shopping a lot while you’re still growing them. I’ll keep going with you, if you’d like.”

Stevie smiled at her in the mirror and caught her hand. “I would like.”

Robin met her eyes through the glass, warmth pouring out. “Awesome.” She stepped back and cleared her throat. “Okay, let’s have you try on the other sizes, just in case, and then maybe we can go find a couple more colors? I think they had some more in this style.”

“Okay,” Stevie agreed. “Thanks for doing this with me. And for being such a good friend.” She took the bralette off and turned around to hand it back to Robin, only to be met with her suspiciously shiny eyes.

“Of course, Stevie,” Robin told her. “Anything for my girl.”

[ornii]

Jealous? Me? No…

Illyana Rasputin X Male Reader

So I finally watched The New Mutants yesterday, and I gotta say, it wasn’t good, but it wasn’t bad either. An okay Marvel film in my opinion, however Anya Taylor-Joy absolutely killed the role as Magik. And the idea of a Reader who also had a relative in the X-Men and is believable, gave me an idea, and this was it.

The relationship you had with Illyana was particularly hard to define. You wouldn’t call her your girlfriend, but she is also more than a friend. You sensed a Kinship with her ever since your, outburst. It sounds small but it resulted in the deaths of a lot of people, I suppose that’s what happens when a Mutant tried to live a normal life. Having the same genetic system as The Wolverine, it gave you nearly all the same powers, including a deep primal rage that could erupt at any time. Thus, leading you to being hospitalized.

Dr Reyas had an interest in you particularly, it seems only one Successful clone of Wolverine exists; you. Or so they think, you know of one more, Laura. Keeping her secret, keeping her under the nose of the Government was of utmost importance. Everything with Illyana was fine, she was being her usual self, rude, condescending, and just an overall ass to you and everyone, but it didn’t bother you. Everything was fine, until Dani made her appearance. A new challenger enters Illyanas game, and she doesn’t like it.

You and Illyana were watching Dani sleep, granted you two were outside the room, watching though the faded glass. You couldn’t make out any physical differences in her. She looked like your average teenager, maybe her powers are more psionic. You rubbed your chin and Illyana spoke. “I bet Pocahontas will try to run the moment she wakes up.” She said, almost to get a rise out of you, to see your negative but passionate response but you were simply thinking, blocking her out. She noticed your lack of response and turned to you. All your attention wasn’t on her anymore, but on this new girl.

“(Y/n).” She said with that stern Russian accent, it snapped you out of your trance and you finally looked at Illyana, as much as she annoyed and overall pissed you off, her beauty was unmatched, blue Iris, long gorgeous blonde hair like a brick road to heaven, and an accent that commands respect but has such a alluring tone.

“What?” You say, “You gonna bully this one too?” You say, Illyana smirks, finally getting your attention. “Depends, you seem to be infatuated with Pocahontas.” She said, you finally responded to her obvious jab and shook your head.

“Real fucking funny.” You mutter. “A new girl winds up here and you’re already jealous?” You said, Illyana kept her smile, but deep down she was starting to get annoyed.

“I don’t get jealous.”

“Then you won’t mind me saying hello.” You reply, and reach for the door handle, and for a moment you saw a short glimpse of panic in her eyes, as you gripped the handle, the voice of God spoke to you.

“(Y/n), remove your hand from the door.” Dr Reyas said from the intercom, she was watching, always watching. You reluctantly removed your hand. “Please gather in the main foyer, our daily session begins in 10 minutes.” She says, you look at Illyana and shrug, putting your hands in your jacket, you walk off. You and Illyana enter the room to Roberto, Sam, and Rahne, the other tree stuck in this place. It seems that there were only two chairs left, oddly enough, both seats end up with you next to Illyana. Reyas sits before you all, and starts.

“Yesterday, I asked you to think about… the first time your mutation manifested. Would anyone like to share? (Y/n)? Sam? Illyana? Roberto? Rahne? Look, we can’t help each other unless we talk to each other. I’ve said this a hundred times. This program can’t help you if you refuse to participate. So, Rahne, why don’t you start?” She said, Rahne was a short girl, pixie cut and had a soft Scottish accent, she wasn’t as feminine as most girls, but she had her own charm.

“I…” she started, but Dani, the new girl walked in, sulking.

“Please join us, Dani. This is our new patient, Danielle Moonstar. Let’s do our best to make her feel at home. Go ahead, Rahne.” Reyas said, (Y/n) shrugs and stands up and takes another chair and places it further in the circle.

“Take a seat.” You say, and sit back down, Dani awkwardly sulks next to you, and Illyanas eyes dart from her Hand puppet to you.

“Right. I was 13. I remember running through the woods.” Rahne began.

“How did you feel?” Doctor Reyas asks.

“Free. Like, the most free I’d felt my whole life. But guilty, too.”

“Why feel guilty?” You ask, “You get a turn into a wolf, that’s fucking sick.”

“Because I knew it was bad. I went to Reverend Craig… to see if he could pray it out of me. He asked me to show him, so I changed.” Rahne continues..

“And what did Reverend Craig do?”

“Beat me about half to death. Said I was a witch… that I was going to hell.” Rahne looked so, hurt. You reluctantly sat up from your seat.

“Would anyone else like to share their first time?” Reyas asks, and Illyana decides to turn to heat up.

“New girl. How fucked up are you?” She said, turning the ire on Dani, you turned to the Girl.

“Illyana.” You said, a bit of a grumble.

“Drugs, I bet. Or a nympho, maybe..” she kept pestering. You then decided to raise your voice.

“Cut the shit okay?” You said, The Russian turned to you, seeing your face and found an odd sense of pleasure in it. Reyas takes hold of the situation.

“Keep behaving… exactly like you are right now… and we can all just spend the day in solitary. I want all of you to think very carefully… about how you’d like to use your time here. And how long you want that time to be. (Y/n), since you’re already up… why don’t you show Dani around?” Reyas orders. You stood up, still locking eyes with Illyana.

“Yeah, sure..” you said, and looked over to Dani. You offered your hand to help her up and she took it, she stood up and you began to walk around, showing the new Girl around, that was a mistake.

Night has crept up to you all much sooner than expected, you were preparing to turn in for the night, finishing up clothes duty, the sudden sound of a clank of metal caused you to put the towel down and then around, you half expected death, but it was much worse.. Illyana.

“Oh, it’s you… gonna keep bullying Dani for whatever reason?” You said, but she wasn’t her cocky, overbearing self. She pouted and folded her arms, and asked a single question.

“Do you like her?” She asks, the question blindsided you.

“What?” You responded, and Illyana slowly approached.

“Do you like her? You act like you do..”

“I .. I don’t get it why are you upset?” You said, which causes her to finally just spew her feelings. “You are so fucking dense! Do you not notice anything you big dumb cute plyushevyy mishka?!” She yells, it took you less than a minute to realize she’s pinned you to the wall. Her arm now armored and placed near your head, as she leaned in, her lips barely brush up against yours.

“YA lyublyu tebya, Rosomakha.” She said, your mind translated the words.. “I Love you, Wolverine.” Your hands almost instinctively wrapped around her waist, much to her shock. Your lips pressed firmly against hers and her powers almost activate due to a high sense of, emotion. And it seems you two fall together, to her happy place.

Jealousy, from what I heard it runs in the Family…

(This was just a short thing I wanted to write, Definitely want to make more New Mutant Content, we need more of it.)

[evanoxvt]

The struggles of disabled people without support at home.

I've been away from home for over a week. I have next to no expectations put on me here, but I still have my weekly physical therapy and both myself and Town Crier to take care of.

TC eats 3x a day and obviously, I need food too. My grandparents are cooking about one meal a day at a nearly consistent time, so I'm eating at least once a day consistently. At home, I was lucky if I ate a single meal a day.

I (sometimes) help with setting the table, which consists of paperplates, paper napkins, silverware, and glass cups. Since both me and my cousin help with this, I'm usually not doing any heavy lifting at all.

I spend part of the day downstairs and 'randomly' will go upstairs to lay down for awhile. Usually, after my mid day break upstairs, I bring my laptop downstairs and play some games until dinner and end there or resume playing until the end of the night.

No one critiques my daily routine. No one asks me to do more than I can. Everyone appreciates when I help out.

I was having trouble walking and standing yesterday because I did far too much the day prior, but because I spent the entire day resting I was able to contribute to cooking dinner and I cooked the pasta roni (~10 mins of intermittent standing required). I was able to play games and rest afterward without being yelled at for not doing more, and was even thanked for helping cook a portion of the dinner.

I have a funny sad thing to say about this: Somehow by being asked to do nothing, I've found I can do so much more than when I'm asked to do a tiny bit.

The shittiest part of this story, as random small bits put together as it is, is that I am more disabled when I'm asked to be functional, and less disabled when I can go at my own pace or back out if need be. At home I get asked to do things like empty the dishwasher (which is tons of light to heavy objects, Ina short period of time), vacuum (which is alot of heat, standing, walking, arm movement, a eight on my arm, back movement and back bending, navigation, balance, etc), cleaning things like the bathroom (which required detailed work for some parts plus moving all the things needed so they don't get in the way or touch the chemicals). I could go on and on and on but the point will get muddled if I write the entire list and every problem on every "basic chore" because the truth is that I need alot of breaks, a long period of time, and the option to back out of all of these things to be successful at it without seriously hurting myself. If I do too much today, it will affect me for multiple days. If I do too much for an entire week it will affect me for a month or more, etc. I sometimes feel really good like I did on Friday and accidentally over do it and need to be able to back down from most things for a period of time afterwards.

I normally can't make a box of pasta roni AND move anything heavy (like my laptop) on the same day at home because I'm always expected and forced to do so much more. I usually can't make cookies on days like today where I need to spend multiple hours at a time lying down in between short bursts of sitting or activity, but today I could because there's nothing else I have to do so spending potentially all of my energy is okay. Resting afterwards is okay. No one is upset because less than an hour after making cookies I had to lay down and still am. NO ONE said it's not okay. However if I go home cookies are a luxury therefore the logic goes that "if you can bake some cookies, you can do some dishes too". At home I wouldn't be able to make the cookies because it opens up the idea I'm able to do a ton of chores. I'm not okay right now, that's why I'm resting.

I feel like I'm ranting in circles at this point... but honestly I don't get why most people will see me do one "simple" (for them) thing and assume I'm okay to do things even they don't want to do because it takes up alot of energy... I really don't get it. My health sucks, it goes up and down all day long, all week long, and yet people want to pretend I'm making it up if I can do literally a single thing normal people can...

I hope my fellow disabled friends and people I haven't met yet find themselves in better social situations than me because this isn't okay in any way.

[lovegalor333]

fresh start

part three (chapter 7-9) previous part • next part

word count: 7.1k

content warnings: panic attack mentions of selfh*rm and depression

Lily

"What time does your shift start?" Madison asked me as we sat together eating breakfast in our apartment.

Kelsey and Hannah both had classes today so had already left but Madison and I had Wednesdays free.

"Not until 11." I glance at my phone, it was currently 9:45AM. "But I'm going to get there a little bit earlier because I don't actually know what I'm doing."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be fun!" My roommate reassures. "Are you nervous?"

"Kinda, I don't want to mess anything up and I just hope everyone likes me." I say honestly.

"Hey, who couldn't like Lily? You're a ball of sunshine!" Madison compliments, "Don't stress it, they know it's your first day, I'm sure they'll be easy on you."

"I hope so." I huff finishing off my cereal before taking my bowl to the kitchen to clean it.

I had almost completed my first full week at UConn and I counted my blessings that it had been going well. I had made friends, enjoyed my first taste of classes and found a job. All things that worried me when it came to transferring. I'd also unintentionally met Paige and I don't know what the future holds with that but it feels nice right now.

We hadn't seen each other since our 'date' a few days ago but we started an almost constant message thread on Instagram. Paige sent the first message yesterday morning and it's basically been nonstop, back and forth from us both.

As if she knew I was thinking about her, my phone pinged with a notification,

[lily.kent] paigebueckers

just spoke to janet, you will be with us today

try not to stare pretty girl, you'll distract me

I smiled at the confirmation that I would be working with Paige and her teammates today, it put my mind at ease considering I'd met most of them already and of course I'd get to see Paige.

I cliked on the dm she had just sent and replied,

i cant make any promises

It was 10AM and my phone pinged again with my daily medication reminder. I went to my bedroom and swallowed down the pills that were singlehandedly keeping me alive. Without them, my brain just doesn't know how to function, it goes into full self destruct mode and getting out of that is the hardest thing of all.

I definitely still have some days that are hard despite being on medication but they're easier to deal with and come around less often.

I had decided a second coffee of the day was a good idea and I had just enough time to pick it up from, what's quickly becoming my usual spot, before my shift started.

The late August air was still warm so I had opted for a low waisted pair of jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt that stopped just before my bellybutton so the perfect amount of skin was showing.

I picked up my favourite order of an iced caramel latte with almond milk and took a slow walk to the athletics building, taking in my surroundings. More and more students had returned to campus over the weekend and beginning of this week so it was busy.

It reminded me of my old college and for a moment I was back there, in Massachusetts with no friends and just having been outed and anxiety hit me like a truck I almost toppled over.

I navigated myself to the nearest bench and sat down in an attempt to regulate my strained breathing. I remembered what my therapist had told me about panic attacks and how to handle them. I focused on my senses.

What was one thing I could taste? Coffee.

What was one thing I could hear? My heart pounding.

What was one thing I could feel? My phone clutched tight in my hand.

What was one thing I could smell? The perfume I had sprayed earlier.

What was one thing I could see? My eyes were closed in an attempt to block out everything around me but I opened them and one thing I could see was someone walking towards me.

My vision was slightly blurred as it always is when I have a panic attack but as they got closer it was clear it was Kayla.

"Lily, are you OK?" She asks dropping her bag down and kneeling in front of me. 

"Yeah." I manage but it comes out unconvincing and shaky.

"Did something happen?" I can't even get myself verbalise anything this time so I just shake my head. Kayla quickly realises that I'm in so state to talk so she sits beside me and gently rubs my back until I eventually calm down.

"I have panic attacks sometimes." I tell the girl next to me, finally able to talk without feeling like my lungs were going to explode.

"How do you feel now?" She asks, a look of concern on her face.

"I'm OK now, a little shaky. They come out of nowhere most of the time." I explain, taking a sip of my coffee - which probably isn't helping.

"I can tell Janet you need to push back your start day, she'd understand."

I shake my head sternly, "No way. I'm not giving up before I have even started." I say standing up, my legs still slightly weak.

"It wouldn't be giving up Lily. Everyone has struggles." Kayla tries to empathise but I've already started walking to the athletics building again.

"I'm seriously fine, I've struggled with a lot worse than a panic attack." I blurt before realising Kayla knows nothing about my past.

"Ok, well maybe lets just take five before going in? You've still got fifteen minutes." She says looking at her watch.

"Ok." I give in and Kayla and I stand side by side as I take a few deep breaths.

"You got this and I got you." Kayla says after a few minutes of silence as she wraps me into a hug.

I hug her back, "Thank you, K. Sorry for the freak out, I can usually keep it under control."

"No need to apologise, I'm glad you weren't alone. Panic attacks can be scary." She says as we walk into the building and begin our way to the offices, a route I'm familiar with now.

"Do you mind not telling anyone?" I ask sheepishly.

I'd rather be the one to tell Paige about things, I didn't want her to hear it secondhand from anyone else.

Kayla mimes zipping her lips and I smile at her in response just before we step into Janets office.

"Hello Lily! Happy first day!" Janet beams standing up to greet me.

"Hi Janet, thank you. I'm super excited." I beam back putting on my best fake smile as I push back the remnants of the panic attack I just had.

Janet explains what my day will look like, "So the basketball girls are already on the court but open practice officially starts at 11:30. That's when you'll go in with the rest of the media outlets. You'll be working alongside Marcus who writes the sports column in the UConn newsletter. He'll explain your job more but write down as much as you can, take photos and videos and just be yourself!" She smiles and hands me a folder with the Huskies logo on the front with my name printed beneath it.

I open the folder and find a notebook, multiple pens and a mini microphone, the kind that plugs into your phone that you see tiktokers using in their videos.

"Oh there you are. Marcus, meet Lily. Lily, meet Marcus." Janet says and I spin around to the door that Marcus had just walked through.

"Hi Lily." Marcus says stretching out his hand for me to shake and I do. "Hi Marcus."

I wasn't expecting Marcus to be a fellow student but he was, he didn't look much older than me and had dark brown hair and eyes to match. He was handsome for sure, I'm lesbian but I could appreciate a mans beauty.

Marcus and I quickly acquainted as he told me exactly what we'd be doing today. It wasn't much different from what Janet had explained and before I knew it, we were walking down to the basketball court.

Paige

The ball had just left my hand and I knew it was cash, from my spot on the three-point line, when the doors to the court opened. My eye's flicked to the large digital clock on the wall, it was 11:30, media were here.

I watched intently as familiar faces filtered into the room and then one familiar face in particular brought a smile to my face, Lily.

Her effortless beauty always seemed to catch me off guard. Still being new to each other, I was seeing Lily in a new way each time. Today was the first time I'd seen her with her hair tied up, her perfect facial features on full display. She had a simple outfit on but the sliver of stomach on show between her jeans and shirt did something to me. I wanted to run across the court and hold her in my arms, feel her skin on mine, tell her how pretty she looked. Her smile shone from meters away and I could just about make out her sweet laugh over all the commotion going on.

I was so focused on Lily, I didn't notice the aggravatingly good looking guy stood beside her, until his hand came into contact with her arm.

Who was he and why was he touching her?

I watched intently as he pointed over to the stands where some of the media people had already began setting up. In all fairness, it looked like he was just explaining something to her but either way, he didn't need to make physical contact.

"You got some competition, P?" Jana joke nudging my side, obviously seeing the same thing as me.

I scoff, "That kids got nothing on me." I say and bounce the ball again few times before shooting another perfect three.

I glance back in Lilys direction to find her already looking in mine a small smile on her face, she raises her eyebrows and nods slightly as if to say "not bad", I give a quick bow in response and go to retrieve the ball.

We shoot around a little more before we all disperse to the different media outlets waiting to ask us questions.

My eyes fall to Lily more than I'd like to admit and I had to ask for a few questions to be repeated due to my lack of concentration. Lily never reciprocated any of my stolen looks because she was so engrossed in her job; jotting down notes, recording interviews and laughing along with the girls.

After what felt like an eternity, I was finally stood with Lily and Mr Shaggy Hair.

"Hi Paige, Marcus with UConn newsletter and this is-" Marcus introduced himself and tried introducing Lily.

"I know Lily." I say making eye contact with the brunette girl to the right of me.

"Hi Paige." She says softly, phone in hand already pointed in my direction.

"Paige, this was your first summer without injury, what did you do that you haven't been able to in previous years?" Marcus asks, pen poised to take an necessary notes.

I answered all of Marcus' questions before I had to move on, "Thank you, Paige. Nice speaking to you." He smiled genuinely. "Thank you, you too." I smiled back trying my best to also be genuine but probably failing.

I intentionally brushed my body against Lilys as I passed her, using my hands to manoeuvre around her small frame.

We wrapped media and hour or so later and the team and I were free to go but I lingered, shooting random shots while Lily and Marcus had a discussion before they packed up their things.

Marcus left but not before hugging Lily goodbye, I rolled my eyes watching the interaction before making my way over to her.

"My favourite journalist." I say draping my arm over her shoulder and pulling her close.

She laughed, "I wouldn't say journalist, I'm just helping out."

"Ok, my favourite helper-outer then." I tease and we both watch as the final few people exit the court, leaving us alone.

Lilys arm swiftly navigates itself around my waist and she steps in front of me, her other arm looping around my torso also so she was hugging me. Both my arms wrapped around her shoulders and we just held each other for a few seconds.

"So...Marcus?" I drag out looking down at the girl in my arms. I feel her body shake with a little giggle, "Handsome guy, right?" She says pulling away and looking up at me. A scowl forms on my face, "Not really." I say matter of factly crossing my arms.

"Oh, is this jealous Paige?" She asks jutting out her hip and placing her hand on the other. I turn away from her, "No..."

"Oh, I think it is." She says walking around and standing in front of me, extremely close, our toes are touching and her body heat is radiating onto me. She brings her hand to my face and directs me to look at her, "I am one hundred percent gay, Paige." Lily reassures her eyes looking directly into mine.

When we first met, Lily would never hold eye contact with me, as much as I tried but now she was and I could see every single fleck in her eyes. The light brown points making them sparkle under the bright lights.

"And I am one hundred percent regretting agreeing to keep this a secret." I say truthfully now bringing my hand to her face, stroking her cheek gently.

"But just us knowing is so..hot." She says soft and breathy. "The secret glances and touches." She continues, her hand smoothing down my chest to my stomach.

Her eyes linger on my lips and I run my tongue along them.

"Don't do that."

"What?" I ask innocently but a smirk creeps onto my face.

"Don't lick your lips while we're this close."

"Why not?"

She doesn't answer and we stand in silence, tension rising between us as the seconds go on. I move my free hand to her waist and pull her closer, if that was even possible and my hand on her face moves to her neck. I lean down and Lily leans up and after what feels like decades of waiting our lips reach each others and we kiss.

It's needy but delicate and everything and more that I'd imagined it to be. Getting a taste of Lily made me realise I'll never get enough. Her hands are all over me. My stomach, my back, my hips. She kisses me harder with an urgency I never knew I needed.

When we finally pull away from each other, both our chests are rising and falling at a quickened pace. Lilys lips are blushed and plump and they break into a soft, swollen smile.

"Let's get out of here," She says grabbing my hand, "and hope no one was watching the cameras." I'm still speechless as I follow her out of the basketball court, our hands linked together.

I drive me and Lily around Storrs for the best part of a few hours. Lily has her phone connected to my car and is playing her favourite songs.

Her playlists were filled with Lana Del Rey and I think it suited her perfectly. Lily was the embodiment of a Lana Del Rey song, the softness and vulnerability of Lanas vocals complemented the girl next to me without fault.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

I'd barely left the confines of my bedroom in the past two days. I only got up from my bed to pee and grab bottles of water which were now scattered around my room, empty.

Kelsey, Hannah and Madison had periodically been coming in to check on me and bring me whatever food they had ordered in or cooked that day. I'm guessing at some point during all of this, Kelsey had somewhat explained to our other roommates what she had discovered about me, because no one asked questions and that's how I liked it.

I didn't have the mental capacity to explain the way I was feeling or why I was feeling it when I couldn't even understand it myself.

After having the panic attack on Wednesday, everything inside of me felt...off. After throwing myself into my first day at work, I spent the afternoon with Paige and it gave my mind respite from itself. But once I was home and alone with my thoughts, they took over and refused to be tamed.

I went through Thursday in an altered state, so distracted by everything in my head, I felt like I was watching myself from a third persons perspective. The day didn't seem real.

One thing that was clear though was my time spent with Paige. She met me after my final class of the day and we just sat and spoke and enjoyed each others company. Things felt lighter with Paige, easier to handle but I was not Paiges responsibility and I was not about to become a burden to her either.

Kissing Paige on Thursday night was bittersweet because I knew I wouldn't be seeing for a few days at least. I could feel myself slipping into a deep depressive episode and along with that came a whole lot of self isolation.

I isolate myself when I get like this to save the people around me. I'm a ticking time bomb when my thoughts darken and I wanted to minimise the casualties. I was the only casualty allowed.

I cried when Paige dropped me home. I cried for me and this inevitable dark cloud that appears whenever it feels like it. I cried for her because she had no idea what was going on. I cried for us because things were going well and I was about to ruin it.

I skipped classes on Friday and slept most of Saturday. Sleeping when I feel like this is the only time I have that allows the feeling to pause.

It was Sunday now and my roommates had invited me to go to brunch with them, of course I declined. I think they knew deep down what my answer was going to be but they asked anyway.

Kelsey hugged me tight before they left, telling me to call her if I needed to, I just hummed in response and watched the girls with sympathetic smiles on their faces leave.

Getting up from my place in bed, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My hair was bundled in a bun on top of my head, undoubtedly tangled to hell. I had an oversized t-shirt on that I had previously cut to be off-the-shoulder. I looked a mess but I didn't have the energy or care enough to do anything about it.

The healed marks on my arm teased me to feel that of so familiar, temporary relief of physical pain. It was a mental battle that I had won up until today.

Paige

I knocked on Kaylas apartment door after hours, days actually, of deliberation.

"Oh hey, Paige." Kayla says smiling, opening her door for me to step in.

"Hi Kayla." I gave her a small smile in return that makes it obvious that somethings wrong. I've never been good at hidding my feelings.

"What's wrong?" She asks, perching on the edge of her couch.

I sit down too, unsure how to approach the subject without making overly obvious that something was going on between me and Lily.

"Have you spoken to Lily at all?" I ask, not really caring what Kayla thought, worry taking precedent.

She shakes her head, "No, I haven't. Not since Wednesday." She tells me. "Why?"

"I just haven't heard from her in a few days. I've tried messaging but had nothing in response." I explain.

It looks as though something clicks in Kaylas head when I say this but she doesn't speak up.

"What?" I push for her to say what she's thinking.

"Something happened on Wednesday. I promised Lily I wouldn't say anything though."

"What happened Kayla?" I ask, my heart rate increasing at the thought of something bad happening to Lily.

"I really can't say Paige. She asked me not to."

Ouch.

"She asked you not to tell me?"

"Not you specifically, anyone." Kayla says.

"I'm worried." I admit.

"Have you been to her apartment?"

I nod, "I walked past today and yesterday. I rang the buzzer but there was no answer."

"I could try calling her." Kayla suggests pulling out her phone.

"Please." I urge and watch as she presses call on Lilys contact.

The phone rings and rings and eventually goes to voicemail.

"I'm going to her apartment and if I have to break in, I will." Is all I say before leaving Kaylas apartment.

My mind reels with scenarios that could have happened to make Lily go completely MIA as I make the short trip to her building.

As I pull up, someone is leaving the apartment block and I jog from my car to catch the entrance door before it closes and I have no way of getting in.

I take the stairs two at a time to reach Lilys floor and I knock on the door.

Nothing.

I knock again, louder this time.

Still nothing.

Clearly her roommates were not home because they would have answered.

I knock again.

"Lily," I call out her name desperate for a response, "It's Paige."

I wait a while before knocking for the fourth time when I hear the latch of the door click and it slowly creaks open revealing Lily. She looks different, tired, like exhausted and...sad.

"Oh my god, Lily." I exclaim basically forcing myself through the door. "Are you OK?" I ask, my arms instinctively wrapping around her.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice is quiet and shaky and it takes me aback, she usually sounds so upbeat and cheerful.

"Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you for days. I went to Kaylas, she said something happened on Wednesday. What happened on Wednesday?" My words are rushed and messy.

"She had no right to tell you that. I asked her not to." Lily says, now out of my arms, she crosses hers over herself.

"I was worried. What happened Lils? Talk to me."

She just looks at me with heavy eyes and takes staggered steps towards the couch before sitting down.

"Is it me? Have I done something?"

"It's not yo-"

"Just tell me if I have. I'll fix it. I really like you Lily." I cut her off before she can finish her sentence.

"Paige." She says getting my attention, "It's not you. Please will you sit down."

"Was it Marcus? I'll kill him if he's done anything to you." I say now thinking of the worst possible things.

"Paige!" Lily says louder this time, "Just sit down." She flings out her arm that was across her chest motioning for me to sit next to her and as she does I notice array of white lines. Healed scars bestrewn across her wrist and inner arm.

She looks from me to her extended arm and quickly pulls it back to her chest before getting up and walking, fast to her room.

I follow after her in silence, unsure what to say in the moment.

When I reach her bedroom, shes pulling a sweater on over her baggy t-shirt.

"Lily.." I begin but I don't really know what to say next.

"You don't have to say anything Paige." She says, sensing my hesitation.

"I want to say something. I just don't know how." I tell her truthfully.

"Just say what you're thinking."

"What happened?"

"When - on Wednesday or what happened to cause my scars?" She asks sitting on her bed, crossing her legs.

"Both." I breathe out going and sitting next to her.

Lily inhales deeply, "I'll tell you, but I want you to know that's its OK if you want to leave after. I'll understand."

"I have nowhere to be today."

"No. I mean like really leave. Leave this," She motioned between us. "before it becomes something."

"Lily, why would I want to leave?" I ask genuinely. Theres nothing that she could say to me right now that would make me want to walk away.

"Because Paige, I'm a burden and being around me when I'm like this quickly becomes exhausting." She says, her head bowed down looking into her lap.

"Don't say that!" My voice comes out louder than I wanted and Lily looks up at me taken aback. "Sorry," I mummble. "but please don't say that. Being around you is not exhausting, I've never felt more alive than when I'm with you, Lily." I shuffle my body over to her, closing the gap between us on her bed.

We're side by side with our backs against the headboard, my legs extended in front of me and Lily's crossed in front of her. I place my hand delicately on her thigh to let her know I'm here whenever she's ready talk.

It takes her a while and we sit comfortably in silence, my hand on her leg and eventually her head on my shoulder, before she speaks.

Lily tells me everything. From her depression diagnosis at thirteen to her somewhat recent breakup and being outted and how that ultimately resulted in her attempting to take her own life. She explained the scars on her arm were self inflicted and she said it was hard to explain but she would rather feel something physically than mentally so thats why she did it.

As much as it was hard for her to explain, it was equally hard for me to understand. I didn't want to think of Lily hurt and understand it.

She had a panic attack on Wednesday that started this most recent episode. She said they come every so often without warning, she's on medication that helps her get through most days but she still has moments that she can't control.

I stayed mostly silent while Lily bravely shared such a vulnerable part of her. She cried at points and I wiped her tears but I didn't ask any questions, I just wanted to listen.

"Do you think I'm crazy." She sniffles, lifting her head from my shoulder to look at me.

I shake me head, "No baby. I don't think you're crazy. I think you've been through a lot in your life. A lot of shit that you didn't deserve. But what matters is, you're here. You're here trying, despite it all and I'm proud of you." I tell the doe eyed girl infront of me.

I place a hand on each of her cheeks and hold her face, wiping strays tears as they fall. I plant a kiss to her forehead, then one on the tip of her nose and I hover my lips over hers unsure if now is the time but Lily's the one to close the space, pressing her mouth to mine.

I kiss her gently at first as if scared to break her but Lily pushes deeper into the kiss, harder. Without breaking us apart, she manoeuvres herself on top of me, straddling my thighs. My hands find her hips like they were made for them and I hold on to her desperately as we continue to kiss.

"I don't want this to change the way you see me." Lily says breathlessly as we break away from each other.

"I knew you before I knew this and that's the Lily I see. The one who buys coffee for her friends when they're hungover, the one who smiles at everyone, the one who works hard. That's the Lily I know." I say to her as she stays sat in my lap, my hands caressing their way up her back.

"If it gets too much...if I get too much, I'll understand." Lily says playing with the strings of my hoodie.

"Can you stop saying stuff like that?" I take her hands in mine, "I want to be here. With you. Right now. Do you understand that? I'm choosing to be here Lily."

She nods a small nod letting me know she heard what I was saying.

Lily flips her leg off of me so shes back at my side. I shuffle down the bed slightly and pull her into me, my arm around her shoulders and head on my chest.

"One thing Lily," I say and she hums in response. "if you ever, ever get the urge to hurt yourself again, please come to me first. You're not alone anymore, I promise you."

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

This week was going considerably better than last week, thank god.

Paige had spent most of Sunday laid next to me in my bed, even when my roommates returned from their brunch plans, she didn't move. I was falling in and out of sleep for the majority of the day, my emotions had exhausted me and with my head on Paiges chest and my body encapsulated by her arms, I felt a sense of peace that I hadn't for a long time.

Paige reluctantly left my apartment that night after making me promise to never isolate myself from her again. She made it abundantly clear that I can always be open and honest with her and she'd never judge me. I made the promise, but I knew it would be hard to keep.

Wednesday had rolled around again and I had a completely free day. No classes, no homework and I wasn't due in work at all this week. From speaking to Marcus, it sounded like things got busier once the sports season really starts, which isn't until next week.

"Delivery for Miss Kent." Madison says in faux accent knocking on my bedroom door, coffee in hand.

"Ugh, I love you!" I say standing up from my place in bed and taking the iced drink from my roommate. I took a sip straight away and immediately felt like I could take on the day.

"What are your plans for today?" I ask Madison as we walk together from my room to the living room, each taking a seat on the couch.

"I have to get in the library today, how am I already behind? Actually, more importantly, who sets assignments on the first week?" She dramatically asks, eyes wide.

"Oh that's rough. My professors went easy on us." I say silently thanking the college gods.

"So what are your plans for today then?"

"I'm not really sure, I might take a walk around campus and maybe meet Kelsey when she breaks for lunch." I tell Madison my unofficial plans.

I wasn't sure what I'd spend my day doing but I knew I needed to do something, giving my mind downtime was dangerous. I didn't need to sit and think about everything, ever.

"Not seeing Paige?" Madison asks curiously and my head shoots in her direction but I try and play off my surprise.

"Um, no, why would I see Paige?" I lie.

I would love to see Paige today. I hadn't seen her properly since Sunday. I saw her on Monday when I'd popped into the office to meet with Marcus and we'd sneakily made out in an empty bathroom. And we'd briefly bumped into each other yesterday but she was with KK and I was with Kelsey so we kept it short. Maybe I'll message her and see if she's free.

"Oh I don't know, she only spent the whole day here on Sunday. In your room...with the door closed."

My cheeks flushed at the insinuation Madison was hinting at even though nothing like that happened between us. The most Paige I did was was kiss and OK, maybe I was in her lap and maybe I did get flustered and maybe I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her hands on my bare skin and her mouth on mine...

I'm texting Paige.

"We're just friends." I say matter-of-factly, standing up to go and find my phone.

"Uh huh," Madison pretended to agree, "sure you are."

Paige had finally asked for my number after days of using Instagram DMs as our only form of contact.

She had tried to save her contact as Buckets with a serious of drooling emojis but I overruled and we decided on Paige with a star emoji.

good morning p <3

good morning pretty girl

what are u doing today?

wanna hang?

miss me?

duh

ive got practice now but meet me after?

at like 11

i miss you too

ok see u soon 💋

I decided to take my time getting myself ready before meeting Paige. I took a hot shower and washed my hair using all my favourite products.

My phone was propped up on my vanity as i straightened my hair, Emma, my best friend from home, took up the entire screen as we were on FaceTime.

I caught Emma up on my first week at UConn, my account was explicit, there was nothing I couldn't say to my best friend. She begged for pictures of Paige but I didn't have any to send, "I'll take one today." I tell her as I begin applying my makeup.

I keep it natural with a skin tint, brow gel, mascara and of course lip liner, my one true love.

I bid farewell to Emma before hanging up, telling her I miss her dearly and she agrees that she has to come and visit me soon.

With my phone still in my hand, I decided to snap a picture and send it to Paige letting her know I'm ready.

I didn't expect one of Paiges usual quick responses considering she was at practice so I did the final touches to get myself ready before leaving.

Madison had called out a goodbye while I was on FaceTime so I left the empty apartment, locking the door behind me.

The walk to the training facilities wasn't far and took me less than fifteen minutes to reach. Even though I wasn't working today, I had my Staff ID badge around my neck to make it looked like I belonged there.

Walking into the building, I assumed I had arrived just after training had finished. The usual squeak of basketball shoes and balls was nowhere to be found. I made my way to the court peeking through the glass in the door seeing who was around.

My eyes landed on a lonely Paige, dribbling the ball before taking a shot. I couldn't see the basket but could only assume that UConns star girl had made it effortlessly.

I swung the door open and walked in, immediately grabbing Paiges attention. Her previous, serious expression softened as she looked at me, smiling now. We both took rushed steps across the court towards each other until we were face to face.

"Hello, pretty girl." Paige complemented wrapping me in a rather sweaty hug, I fake grimaced, "You're gross." I say trying to wriggle free but Paige is not only taller than me but stronger than me too, I was trapped. "You love my hugs." She protested still not letting me go, "Admit you love my hugs."

I did love Paiges hugs. They were so warm and comforting and I felt like nothing or no one could hurt me while I was bundled up in Paiges arms.

My lack of reply only makes the blonde girl hold me tighter, lifting me slightly off the ground, I let out a squeal, "Paige! Put me down!"

"Admit you love my sweaty hugs." She brings her mouth close to my ear to say that and the hairs rise on the back of my neck at the heat of her breath.

"I love your sweaty hugs." I admit in defeat as she lowers me down, my feet touching the floor once again.

"Thank you." She chirps pressing a quick kiss to my forehead.

"Where is everyone?" I ask looking around the empty room.

"In the locker room cleaning up." She nods her head over to a set of doors which I'm guessing leads to the locker rooms.

"Didn't feel like showering today?" I joke.

"Wanted to shoot around a little more, practice wasn't the best." She explains picking up the ball from where it had rolled to once she dropped it to hug me.

"I doubt that, Buckets." I smirk at Paige as she proves me right by sinking the cleanest three. She smirks back, "You want a go?"

I shake me head immediately, "No. No way." I say backing away from the basketball player.

She laughs and it echos around the court, "Come here, I'll help you." She insists beckoning me over.

"No Paige, I'll be terrible, I know I will." I remain adamant.

"You haven't even tried, have some faith in yourself. Now come here." The second half of her sentence is sterner than the first and the assertion of dominance catches me off guard.

"Yes ma'am." I mummble and walk back to Paige with slightly red cheeks.

"OK, stand here." Paige positions me on the free throw line, using her foot to push mine apart and using her hands to bend my arms in the way she wants. "Here." She hands the ball to me and I take if from her and she immediately giggles.

"What?" I huff, I knew I'd be terrible at this.

"You're so delicate with it." She smiles repositioning my hands on the ball, "Spread your fingers out more." I do as she says and she takes a step back as if admiring her work.

"OK, now shoot." She instructs and I do and it's terrible.

I throw the ball with all my strength and it flies out of my hands and smacks the backboard, missing the basket completely, before rebounding off and almost taking me out in the process. It acted more like a boomerang than a basketball.

Paige was quick to intercept the ball hurling towards me and caught it with one hand before tucking it under her arm.

She was trying her best to hold in a laugh as I just scowled at her and began to walk off.

"Hey, hey, hey." She called grabbing my arm before I could pass her, "That was a...good first attempt." She says leading me back to the same free throw line I'd just embarrassed myself on.

"Good? That's the exaggeration of the century!"

"One more go, I'll help." She hands me the ball again and I reluctantly take it, remembering to spread my fingers like last time.

Instead of standing back and watching, Paige steps behind me this time, her frame enveloping mine. We're so close I can feel her front pressed against my back, her hands cover mine over the ball and I wonder what we look like from an outside perspective.

Paige draws the ball back, my body moving in accordance with hers, before launching it forward and I watch in awe as the ball spins in the air before falling through the basket in a faultless swish.

"There you go baby!" Paige praises, her arms coming together around me, "That would've got you 1 point!" She says unwrapping herself from me, raising her hand for a high five.

I smack my hand to hers, even though that was entirely Paige, I was taking it as my bucket.

"And how many have you got?" I ask referring to points.

"Maybe like five thousand, career wide." She brags but I like it, Paiges confidence in her abilities is one of the most attractive things about her.

"I'm catching up." I tease picking up the ball once more and taking an unserious shot at the basket and to my surprise, I watch as it circles the rim before slipping through.

I snap my head towards Paige in shock, my mouth hung open, her expression mirroring mine.

"Sinking threes? OK Kent!" A familiar voice called out, it was Aubrey coming out of the locker room, a few of the girls following behind her.

"I try." I boast playfully, knowing it was a total fluke.

"Are y'all coming to grab lunch with us?" Ice called out, also emerging from the locker room.

I looked to Paige for her to answer, the girls were Paiges friends and I didn't want to ever feel like I was impending on their hang outs or make it too obvious that we had something going on.

"We actually have plans." Paige says and I raise my brows, did we?

"Cool! Catch you later." The team waved us goodbye as they all filtered off and out of the basketball court.

"What's these plans that we have then?" I ask Pagie once we're alone again.

"Oh, you know. Our usual."

Paige and I hadn't spent much time together in the few weeks we'd been acquainted and any time we were alone, the majority of it was spent with my mouth on hers and vice versa so I didn't know what our usual was.

I look quizzically at Paige, "Which is?"

"Well it requires a lot less distance between us," Say says returning the ball to its rack and walking over to me, "and hardly any talking." She finishes as she reaches me and dips her head slightly to kiss my lips.

I'm smiling as she pulls away, "Sounds like great plans."

"Give me ten minutes to shower and we can go back mine, seeing as the girls are out we'll have the place to ourselves." She tells me before jogging into the locker room.

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