#I had never seen THIS specific version until right now

[gatorbites-imagines]

please pretty please good sir, please right an imagines of Kurt Wagner with a demon, like full on demon from like the Bible s/o, like straight up like a prince of hell kind of demon.

p.s. I love your fics sm 💐🌅

Kurt Wagner x Demon male reader

Headcanons

Did you guys know that in olden time, people thought owls and toads were linked to the devil? Was this an excuse to give the reader animal characteristics? Yes, yes it was. Fruits like strawberries and cherries were also used to symbolize different more bodily involved sins. I took a bit of inspo to how the demons look in Dictionnaire Infernal, since they’re cool and goofy.

I may still be tired and wrung out from all my classes, but the will to write lives on. How’s everyone’s week been?

No one had known you were a demon in the beginning. Everyone just kind of assumed you were another mutant. They already had one member of the x-men who had wings, so it wasn’t the wildest thought that you were like warren.

Your wings were a bit more like an eagle owl, and sure, sometimes your eyes would morph into something like a toad or even a goat, but they had seen much weirder.

You not stepping inside churches or other holy areas was mainly seen as a personal preference, since you were so casual about it. you technically could step inside the buildings, but it was too much work to be worth it for you.

Instead you’d hang out outside with the others who didn’t feel a need to step inside. And yeah, you may have carved a sigil or two into the building behind your back, so you could teleport there in the future to cause some trouble if you got bored.

Demons had no specific form, at least your father didn’t and so you didn’t. you simply morphed into the one that felt most comfortable, making most believe you had a shapeshifting mutation.

There were multiple kings of hell, but your father had always been the most powerful and most influential, so you were expected to follow in his footsteps, which was why you had kind of ran away to earth.

It was just so boring, sitting there and doing all that kingly work so your father could retire with the other ancient kings, since demons don’t die, they can simply only be ignored and rebutted.

You had never meant to help the x-men or join them, but they’d been there at the right place at the wrong time, and just happened to catch some human trying to assault you for being a “mutant”

It was only the x-men stepping in that kept you from trapping the guy in eternal damnation, but you decided why not just play along for now, see where it takes you. And before you knew it, you were an x-men, helping to “fight for the good of mutant kind” or whatever.

It wasn’t hard to make you seem like a mutant, for you to even show up when Charles was looking for mutants with his powers.

It was all good and dandy, until that furry blue bastard wormed his way into the six pitch black organs you called your hearts. Well, sometimes it was six, sometimes twenty, sometimes zero, it really depended on the day.

But it was six the day you realized Kurt had gotten into your good graces. More than that honestly, as he made you feel… flustered. How he succeeded in making a demon like yourself flustered was still a mystery to you.

You had been drawn to him in the beginning because of his whole “blue demon” thing, only for it to turn out that Kurt was religious, and would sometimes wear a cross. He even prayed at times, the action always making your skin itch.

Kurt was honestly the only one to start putting things together since he knew some about demonology, hell, your name was just a shortened version of your infernal title. Weaker demons showing up and groveling at your feet and referring to you as their prince probably didn’t help.

Luckily it had just been Kurt around at the time, but the blue imp clocked you quicker than you thought they would.

Surprisingly, Kurt didn’t hate you or fear you. To him, you were an x-men and helped save people, so you weren’t fully bad. He even went out of his way to pray somewhere else so your hands wouldn’t burn and for your wings to start burning at the edges.

Somewhere along the way, what you had morphed into more than just a friendship. You had an inkling that your father would have your hide when he realized you had bedded a mortal, and one so clearly meant for heaven when the day came.

But eternity was so long, so who could blame you for wanting to spend it with someone as kind as Kurt. Even if you knew somewhere deep inside, that you would mourn Kurt for most of that eternity when the time came.

Kurt talked you into telling the x-men your true origin. They were hurt in the beginning, and you politely stepped out of the team since you technically weren’t a mutant, and you wanted to respect that.

That didn’t stop you from hanging out at the mansion, or on Krakoa when that came around. How you got on the island? You would never tell, mainly because it drove Scott crazy that he could never figure it out.

After coming out of the hellfire closet, you felt less need to control your form to the same degree. To most you were still just a mutant, since the body you wore the most had been a mutant, so… it counted in a loophole kinda way.

Everyone got good at clocking who you were, even on days when you altered your shape completely. Kurt was obviously the best. Even on days where you had a lion head and the tail of a snake, or when you had three heads and a burning crown.

It was a little awkward when Kurt became a priest and built his own religion like thing, mainly because you just couldn’t get yourself to touch him when he wore the uniform.

It was the aura for the most part. None of the others got it, or saw it like you did, but they weren’t demons, so it made sense. But Kurt always carried an aura, and it was manageable enough on regular days. But after sermons it just got strong enough to make your tongue buzz and your feathers puff up.

Kurt got good at wiping himself off in a metaphorical way, so you guys could kiss and cuddle even on days he did sermons. And you as a demon were way too strong to truly to hurt by it, it just got a bit annoying sometimes.

All in all, you two were happy. Even if you had to chase away demons that wanted to take over earth every now and then. Your father had never given you your own domain, so you just kinda slapped your name on earth and told every other demon to square up for it.

Some did come out of the woodwork to fight, mainly just because they could. No one really wanted earth. Too much trouble, too much holy interference, and all those magicians? No way. It was just older demons wanting a good fight for the most part.

Kurt also came to really like your less human look. Maybe he was projecting, but there was something nice about having a partner that didn’t look too “human”, if he could say that without being offensive.

There were days where you looked like the average human man. But other days you were more beast than man, or even the days where you didn’t even want a blood-filled body, so you were made out of sand or water, or anything along those lines.

He did have a preference for forms where you had a tail, because it was comforting to coil your tails together. Or if the form you took had claws, since it felt so good to have your hands rubbing up and down his back and scratch through his fuzz.

There were times when Kurt forgot to take off his cross, or hide it under his shirt, so you did get small burns, even if they went away in a few seconds. You didn’t care much, but seeing Kurt apologize was always very cute.

Having a powerful demon like you on the side of the x-men also helped out a lot during fights. You stayed out of it for the most part, to “keep balance of the mortal plane” or whatever your father said.

There were times when Kurt was in mortal danger where you stepped in though, but you always contained the worst of your powers.

And staying back also meant you could focus your powers on healing those that needed it. Kurt got the most of it, of course, as you would cuddle and kiss him, your kisses transferring the healing energy instead.

It was nice. And yes, you knew one day you’d be alone again, stuck on earth after claiming it as your territory. But the present was so good, so warm and loving, that the cold empty future didn’t matter.

[wosospacegirl]

I absolutely falling, literally, could we have some headcannons about aggie and reader?

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings: soft girlfriend

Read more about Aggie and reader here

..

Period

-> Y/n and Aggie have a full-on, printed-out period protocol, and it is not even a joke. This isn’t some casual list of dos and don’ts, it’s a serious survival guide–at least for Aggie. 

-> Aggie keeps it tucked away in the drawer of their coffee table, laminated for easy access. It’s color-coded and everything, a true masterpiece of precautionary planning. 

-> Y/n, bless her, turns into the most irrational, moody, and dramatic version of herself when her period hits, and over the years, Aggie’s learned the hard way that the only way to survive these few days is with a well-organized, foolproof system. You might think that Aggie is being melodramatic, but no, she needs it!

-> It all started a few months after they moved in. Y/n had been snappy all day, until they had a whole fight about it, and Aggie realized something had to change. So, she did what any practical, logical person would do: she created the "Y/n’s Period Protocol."

-> The rules are simple–but sacred!

Give her space:  at least an hour of alone time to wallow in her feelings.

Snacks on demand: Aggie’s job is to keep a steady supply of comfort food, with a special emphasis on chocolate and carbs. No questions asked. No judgment.

The "Just Ask" rule:  Whenever Y/n says, “I don’t know what I need!” Aggie has to respond with, “What do you want, babe?” to remind her that she’s not the only one who’s been hit with the ‘hormonal roller coaster,’ and that Aggie, unfortunately, does not read minds.

No logic allowed: Aggie’s learned not to try and reason with Y/n when she’s deep in her period-induced emotions. Logic? Gone. Trying to explain how ridiculous the argument is? Forget it. Let it go.

Cuddles and TV: The protocol mandates at least three hours of binge-watching their favorite comfort shows. But the deal behind it? Aggie has to keep quiet and just cuddle with Y/n until she feels ok again.

-> The first time she showed it to Y/n, she was half-expecting Y/n to laugh it off, but instead, Y/n burst into tears and thanked her for creating it. Saying something about ‘being loved is to be seen’, Aggie had never heard of this before, but she enjoyed the kiss Y/n gave on her cheek.

-> “You really do care,” Y/n sniffled between sobs, and Aggie had to hold back a smile.

-> "Of course I care," Aggie had replied, “Now…let’s read the protocol…what do you need right now? And be specific, please.

-> It’s become a ritual over time. Whenever Y/n’s period arrives, Aggie is ready. She’s got the chocolate stash, the fluffy blankets, and the TV remote. The protocol has become a symbol of their love and patience, and understanding of each other’s quirks

-> Especially for Aggie, since she had a hard time dealing with Y/n when she was on her period. Aggie is very logical and pragmatic, and when Y/n was PMSing? She became the complete opposite of it.

Disagreements

-> When Aggie and Y/n have a disagreement, it’s a weird mix of frustration and confusion, because they genuinely don’t like staying mad at each other. They’re both quick to want to resolve things, but the problem is they’re more irritated that they’re arguing in the first place than by whatever the issue actually was.

-> Their relationship it’s just so chill that when they’re not on the same page, it feels like the world is falling apart, even if it is something small. Because why the hell is this weird feeling in Aggie's chest? Is this what normal couples feel when they fight

-> Their arguments are never the dramatic, shouting kind. Instead, it’s this quiet, unspoken tension that fills the air completely.

-> It’s not a battle of words, or who is right and who is wrong. Both of them just walk around the apartment pretending the other doesn’t exist, trying to act like nothing’s wrong when everything feels heavy.

->Every movement feels more deliberate, like even the smallest gesture carries some kind of weight. There are no sharp words–just the silence of two people who don't know how to fix whatever is broken.

-> Neither of them is particularly good at staying mad, but they are both stubborn people. The argument will end in a matter of who’ll crack first. Y/n, being a little less stubborn than Aggie, tends to be the first one to break, and it drives her nuts when she knows she’s the one who has to make the first move.

-> She usually sighs dramatically, rolling her eyes and muttering, “Okay, I’m gonna order some pizza… You want some or…?”

-> She tried to sound casual, but she couldn't hide the hint of hope in her voice that maybe, just maybe, Aggie can stop ignoring her and that Y/n can also stop being annoying. It's like a truce.

-> That’s when the silence breaks, and Aggie–who might have been too proud to speak first– finally says. "Yeah, okay. I’m sorry," she says quietly, and Y/n can’t help but smile, despite everything.

->I t’s in those moments, when the tension finally evaporates, that they realize just how silly their argument was in the first place. They always end up kissing it out. No matter how they got there, they always came back to each other.

Losing

-> Y/n and Aggie couldn’t be more different in how they handle losses, and they are complete opposites. Y/n has this incredible ability to just brush things off, to deal with things quickly. While she definitely cares, her approach to losing is all about keeping it light.

-> She jokes, makes a little joke about how the universe seems to be playing a prank on the Arsenal team, and somehow manages to stay upbeat.

-> It's almost like she refuses to let one bad game weigh her down for too long.

-> Aggie, on the other hand, takes losses hard. She doesn’t have the same ability to move on quickly, and her emotions run deep. When she loses, it’s like she goes through the entire stages of emotions. First, there’s the anger, fueled by pure frustration at herself.

-> She blames herself for every mistake, and she tears herself down, frustrated that she couldn't have done better.

-> Then, the anger shifts to the team. She gets snappy, frustrated with everyone around her, even though she doesn't mean to take it out on them. Next comes the referees–because, of course, they’re always the ones to blame in her mind when things don’t go right.

-> But the hardest part is when she goes quiet. Once the anger fades, she retreats into herself and kinda of withdraws completely. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone–not even Y/n!

-> She isolates herself, hiding away in their room and shutting the world out.

-> Y/n always knows when it’s that stage. She doesn’t try to push Aggie out of her shell or anything. Instead, she gives her the space she needs, letting her process in her own way. Y/n might be frustrated too, but she understands that sometimes silence is what Aggie needs most.

-> And then, when Aggie can’t stand the silence any longer, she walks over, quietly sitting beside Y/n. Without a word, she lets her head fall into Y/n’s lap, silently asking for comfort only Y/n can provide. Y/n doesn’t need to say anything. She just lets her hand gently run through Aggie’s hair.

-> “Better games are coming,” Y/n will whisper softly, trying to remind that one bad game doesn’t define who Aggie is.

-> “You’re gonna bounce back, like you always do.” And no matter the outcome–whether Aggie’s team has just lost to Arsenal, Y/n’s team–Y/n holds space for her, letting her know that defeat is just…temporary. It's never easy, but Y/n always helps her find.

..

Notes: Please let me know what you guys think about it.

More about Aggie and reader here

[the-clock-of-the-time-dragon]

Really loving the fact the Wicked movie homed in so much on the motif of getting "your heart's desire" — Elphaba telling Nessa when they were kids that the Wizard would grant it to people when they meet him; Glinda writing that sweet note to Elphie telling her she hopes she gets it; etc. — and how they really had the Wizard ask Elphaba specifically if having Glinda by her side is what her heart desires. It's interesting that she thinks about it and then talks herself out of it by prioritizing her politics — because of course she would, Activist Sapphic™ as she always is — but the reason it's on my mind is because of Act 2.

[spoilers]

The Wizard gets a second shot at tempting Elphaba to join him, and it's frankly amazing in retrospect that in the musical he didn't try to leverage Glinda in that sequence. Y'know, "hey, and Glinda is here with me, if we rehabilitate you then you can have your friend with you again", something like that. It's a no-brainer. I can't even really imagine that they'd omit that in the film version — especially not now that they've put such heavy emphasis on this thematic motif.

Part 1 Elphaba, when asked if her heart's desire would be to live with Glinda in Emerald City, said no — but if the same question gets asked AGAIN, in Part 2, now that she's seen and felt the consequences of her choices before... Well, obviously she'll still end up ultinately saying no and opposing the Wizard till the day she dies — but I suspect that with all the ways this theme will have been set up by that point (not only with the first film, but with everything in Part 2 that will further develop it: Thank Goodness is just a giant explication on this theme of heart's desire, what it means, etc.), Elphie will be specifically tempted with the proposition of getting to be where Glinda is. Which — true to the original show — she accepts! Because that's what her heart truly desires, and always did. Only once she finds Dr. Dillamond (and then Fiyero reveals his own unexpected heart's desire as well of course!) is she once again forced by conscience and circumstance to deny herself the desire to reunite with Glinda — because as much as she loves her, Glinda chose wrong, and their desires can never truly be fulfilled until that wrong is righted and the false happiness that ruled them — the Wizard — is gone.

Glinda is "behind the curtain" with the Wizard, and Elphaba never finds a way to bring it down and set her (and all of Oz) free. Glinda does. But she's only able to "bring down the curtain" once her heart's desire — her Elphie — has already been taken away from her forever. Glinda has always relied on hope, on optimism — the very thing the Wizard manipulates to get power over people — so only once all her hopes are dashed, and she's accepted that all she ever wanted is dead and gone, is she finally able to break the Wizard's figurative spell over her and finally take the leap, take hold of her own power, and do what Elphaba wanted her to do all along.

[rodeoxqueen]

Talk Me Through It

Dante/Reader Description: Dante is a dirty talking lover boy. Warnings: 18+, Creampie, Reader is called pretty but no specific gender, Rough Sex, Reunion Sex. Rodeo's Notes: Currently dealing with a heavy financial strain but yet I am standing tall out of spite.

Dante is a man who loves to talk and have the last word. You’ve known this since the beginning, how you watched this beautiful specimen who couldn’t have been human the way he looked. Dante loves to listen to you, but he loves to talk, talk, talk. Always banter between the two of you. 

It wasn’t until Dante had returned from a job that took him a little far out of Redgrave, and most burdening to him was how long he hasn’t seen you, that you learn how much this man loves to talk. 

And specifically how much he loved to fuck you. 

Even more so, the extent of his mouth humming against your skin, surrounding you in pleasure and bliss. 

“You’re so fucking pretty, baby.” Dante sighs while you look at him. Your lips are wrapped around his heavy and painfully hard cock, eyes wet with tears and throat slightly battered from being used. His big callused hands are holding your face, guiding you to a steady pace with an occasional moment where he lets himself fuck your throat enough to make you gag, telling you what a good job you’re doing for him. 

“You like this dick, huh? Don’t you miss me, you miss this?” He teases as he has you pinned to the bed, tapping your core with his cock, pushing in slightly but not enough to garner your broken little moan you always do when he has you to himself. You try to push yourself against it, feeling the blunt head that’s just so thick and seems like it can’t fit at all inside you. 

The way Dante still is able to, is littered with your desperate moans and bites against his shoulder, as well as his low sayings of “oh I’ve missed you, sweetheart” and “could die the happiest man right now.” 

When he finally bullies himself into where you can’t take him anymore, he grits his teeth and kisses you with teeth and tongue. 

Dante is obsessed with this feeling in a way where between the two of you, you couldn’t tell who was consuming who. It’s mutual. Desire and trust. Familiarity. 

You and him. Joined together in a way where even if you push and pull, it’s still bliss. It’s a kind of leaving and returning that he can’t help but wish he could do. Sex with you gifts him a certainty that’s apparent in the rest of your love, you’re both feeling good. 

So good, Dante huffs out a sigh at your wrecked look that he bets he could match, pale flushed with blood and dilated black in twin blues. 

“C’mere, baby. I wanna see you take it like this-” He just blurts, moving you like you’re a feather to ride him, slapping your ass to tease you. 

So you obey, seeing his brow ridges tense, how you’re so warm and slick and helping yourself to all that he is offering. Your skin contacts his and he lets you know how electric you are, letting you have all your fun before bear hugging you to stay where you are, his hips bucking hard to shove himself deeply and quickly into where he’s a snug fit. 

“Yeah, you’ve never had dick like this before-” leaves his mouth, prideful in how he’s for certain only he can make you feel this good. Make you this stupid, rushed “yes!”’s  and “please, please, please” being fucked out of you. 

“Take it baby, it’s all yours.” Dante has you on all fours, a hand on your back, keeping you down for him, back arched for him. He rubs his palm against your rear, knowing how you’ve cum for him several positions ago, and he’s been counting, wanting to see if he can add another version of you calling out for him in that strained broken voice to the tally. 

You feel something tight in your stomach, a thudding of your heart and a racing sensation in your nerves that tell you that you want to scream his name into the sheets and collapse. 

He can feel it, as he asks you “oh you’re cumming for me, huh? You love this big dick inside you, so much huh?” and sneaks a hand down, pointer finger pushing slightly into where you are one, and hearing you yelp. 

It’s already so much, how big he is, how he knows how to use himself for your pleasure. 

It’s too good, you’ve gotten greedy off of him, and you’re trying for once in your life to keep from overindulging in all the man that is Dante. 

You try to get him to lay off a little, how it’s so much you might just sob from how long you’ve shaking and weak. He pins your hand down, knowing that you’d tell him when you’ve definitely had too much. 

It causes you to arch even more, down a limb as Dante’s fingers work their magic, stroking you. 

“Uh-uh, I’m making you cum again, hon. I’m taking care of you tonight.” 

“Fuck-Dante-I’m..” Dante presses his body against yours, keeping you prone on the bed as he keeps you together with his arms holding you, kisses against your temple and lips grazing your ear, hand not stopping. 

“You feel incredible, could fuck you all damn day and night-” His groans become fast-paced, reaching his own high. 

Your moans get louder and more punched out, and Dante’s pace falters for a split-second and he asks of you one thing. 

“It’s all yours, cum around me.” 

It happens, and Dante wishes he could watch your o-face, settling on turning your head to kiss your lips, still crying out his name and convulsing as Dante’s hips stutter, warm and slick cum leaking out of you already. 

Dante likes to talk you through it. And Dante loves the way your body talks to him in return. 

[andreilslovechild]

A Study on Aaron Minyard and Hatred

I've been in this fandom for years now. somewhere around 5 years or so. and since I've been here there's always been a distinct theme in how people talk about the brother of our beloved main love interest. see people speak about aaron in two ways mainly. the first way is, of course, labeling him as hateful and homophobic and disliking him because he dislikes Neil. the second way is building on his more personable characteristics and having him paired with someone else like Katelyn or Kevin to mellow him out. both of those are all well and good, everyone is entitled to their opinions and all, but I've never quite seen people look at both of those sides at the same time so I want to try and consolidate my thoughts on the matter.

first of all, I personally rarely consider aaron inherently hateful in my own understanding of him. annoyed or disgusted sure, but not necessarily hateful. mainly that hate is focused on three people from what the fandom talks about: Neil, Andrew, and Nicky. I'm using hate a broad term for dislike just for the ease of things right now so don't yell at me, but I think it fair to say the fandom typically pits these three up against aaron in a way that makes aaron look like the bad guy a lot of the time.

if I'm honest, I never really felt he hated Neil more than just didn't care much. at least until he found out about him and Andrew and gave him his version of the shovel talk. maybe a bit when Neil used Katelyn against him. but overall I never quite got it when people said he hated Neil, let alone hated him for "no reason". like id be annoyed too if a guy waltzed onto my college sports team while im studying premed, and turned out to be the long-lost son of a serial killer with a mouth so big it was a wonder hes still alive. plus he was super shady before all that was revealed too, but aaron was still pretty neutral when Andrew brought Neil into the monsters. he even spoke back to the upperclassmen when they freaked out about Neil sitting with the monsters. if you all need me to get the quotes I will, but it's currently like 2am, and I just can't be asked right now lmao. either way, the only time aaron really hates Neil in the books is when he uses Kate against him to get him to go to therapy. which was done for his own good in the long run, and I doubt aaron stayed upset about it for too long. plus we always have to be careful here because we are seeing things from Neil's perspective, someone who is inherently an unreliable narrator in the story.

in Nicky's case, there's a lot to consider. aaron definitely does and says some things (again not finding specifics rn because it's 2am) that are hurtful to him, or offensive. I certainly don't really blame people for reading it as homophobic on a surface level. but that's exactly what it is. surface level. his feelings about Nicky are probably the second most complex in this instance. because Nicky is his cousin, caregiver, friend, whatever you want to call him. They're close, they mean something to each other. but aaron also grew up with Tilda, probably talking with his family over the phone every few months, seeing them maybe once a year or two. when aaron moved to South Carolina he was 13. Nicky would have been 17. aaron probably spent a lot of time with him at first to avoid being alone before he made friends himself. used him as an excuse to get out of being around Tilda alone. which undoubtedly left him susceptible to Luther's preaching. I could make a whole other post on this alone. Still, he would have known Nicky was gay and that it was "wrong". He likely saw only his mask, not the depression inside because Nicky would have wanted to be happy with his cousin. he probably was around when Nicky went to Germany and then came back loud and proud, telling him about a man named Erik and finally standing up to his parents. to us, it's inspirational, exciting even, but for aaron it was like Nicky was abandoning him. He had gotten through Nicky being gone with drugs and staying out of the house as much as possible, but now knowing Nicky was leaving him there alone with his mom for what he assumed would be forever would have hit him hard. he never hated Nicky for being gay. he was angry he had left him, and he had grown up surrounded by the ideals Luther preached and likely his mom did too. with that, plus how uncomfortable it would be to have your cousin being openly sexual around you to an extreme extent like Nicky, I don't blame him really for how he reacted. he was disgusted by the thought of his cousin having sex, not who it was with. I can't remember if his disliking Erik is a canon or fanon thing. Still, he disliked him for taking Nicky away, not because he was a guy. Long story short I don't think aaron ever truly hated Nicky or was truly homophobic. I think he was just a scared kid who learned the wrong words and didn't know how to be vulnerable.

Andrew. good old Andrew. the most complicated relationship in Aaron's life save maybe his mom. I think we all know aaron doesn't hate Andrew. just like Andrew doesn't hate aaron. it's impossible for them to hate each other because they are so irrevocably tangled up and tied to each other's lives. from the second they found out about each other, everything they've done has been for the other in some way. mostly on Andrew's end sure but aaron has also done his share. see out of everyone here I think Andrew is the person that aaron thought he hated the most. he was angry about Tilda, about the drugs, about how Andrew refused to look at him. but deep down he knew he couldn't really hate Andrew. if he truly hated him he wouldn't have stuck around him this long to try and form a relationship with him. he wouldn't have bothered renewing their deal after graduating high school. he may have been stubborn and confusing and made aaron want to pull his hair out in frustration, but I don't think hatred for Andrew truly existed in him. For certain actions maybe, but him overall? definitely not.

Aaron Minyard may have been complicated, cranky, and annoyed for the majority of the times we see him, but he never truly hated anyone. not in the way people seem to think at least. and certainly, never the three people hes accused of hating the most.

[justevelynnnn]

Nsfw alphabet Wolverine💛💙

Notes: Hellloooooo Everyone… Ok so I did see the wonderful Wolverine and Deadpool movie and now I’m obsessed with this man and this character. Like specifically this Hugh jackman wolverine. I’m gonna admit right now…I never cared about Wolverine until seeing that movie. I never saw any of the other movies either😭 I barely even know what the “X-men” are. My dad is the marvel fan so he kinda just puts me on and is the only reason I care about these hero movies to begin with… Soooo I’m sorry to any long time fans… but anyways because I just cannot stop thinking about this movie and this guy I’m doing my first ever nsfw alphabet thingy! ✨🎉🎊 Yippie!!

I mighttt do a sfw version. But I dunno, I’ve only ever seen this one movie so I might miss important little pieces of his character but I really just wanna do this so yeah😞. Sorry for rambling, I hope everyone enjoysss 👍🏾👍🏾

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Don’t let that grump personality fool you, Logan is honestly really sweet after everything is all over. He has some towels nearby to help clean you off and he’ll even offer you water. He’s experienced so he knows what he’s doing. Sometimes if he feels like he was too rough with you he’ll even try to massage your sore muscles.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite body part of he had to pick would be his arms. He spends a lot of time keeping up his fit and strong appearance. Especially his biceps, and they’re honestly your favorite part of him too.

His favorite part of you is your hips. He loves squeezing them even when he’s not in bed. He loves watching them sway as you walk. How they look in skirts and nice dresses… It’s the first thing he noticed about you and they kinda drive him crazy.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Logan doesn’t jack off a lot (he’d rather drink tbh) and with the constant missions he’s too busy to really… “relieve himself” so whenever he did get with someone he’d cum alot.

He did a lot of one night stands before you. Just meaningless sex to get off. But you changed everything. Cumming was so much better with someone he actually cared about. He loved it.

He still came quite a bit. It had no real taste or anything either.

He doesn’t care where either but he likes watching you swallow it or just watching it disappear in you in general.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He really wants to fuck you somewhere public. Even better if there’s a huge risk of being caught. He never will ask but he really hopes one day you’ll try and initiate it

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Given that he’s almost 200, he has…quite a bit. Like said before he did a lot of one night stands between missions so he eventually picked up on a lot. He knows what makes people tick.

So of course when you came along he could tell what you’d like just by how you’d walk. And of course he’s very attentive so any squirming or noise you made he’d pay attention to it all and remember for the future.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Anything he can see your face in. He doesn’t care. He’s honestly not a big fan of doggy either but if you like it he’ll do it.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s a bit serious but not super serious. He’ll laugh at a few things but he won’t be telling too many jokes.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He actually keeps himself pretty neat down there. He likes to keep things shaven enough so the people that do go down on him don’t get mouthfuls of hair.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Let’s just say the better he knows you, the more intimate he is. Oh course with his one night stands he didn’t care if people finished or not and that’s just how it was. Kinda cold tbh.

With you he’s pretty intimate especially the closer y’all are. He likes to hold you close to him and sometimes if he’s feeling really sweet and sappy he’ll stare into your eyes more…

He’s not too too sweet but he’s sweet enough for being Logan.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He never really used to jack off. Didn’t feel the appeal. Before he really got into sleeping around he’d just drink. Somehow it helped curve his lust. Then when he started sleeping with a bunch of others he jerked off even less. And when you came into his life..even less. If you two didn’t have sex for a while and he was super desperate and missing you he’d rub a quick one out. Desperate times, desperate measures!

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Other than exhibitionism and sometimes just plain dirty talking,……primal play. He’s always been a feral guy so it makes sense. He never considered it before you but you really changed him. He wasn’t into it at first though because he was scared he’d hurt you but once you said it was ok and taught him what a safe word was he tried it and it changed his life. Deep down he really loved being a bit more primal in bed with you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He doesn’t care or have a favorite place. Most of the time y’all end up in his bed or wherever y’all are sleeping for the night but he doesn’t care where in the end.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Before you, nothing… he didn’t care much as long as the person has a fuckable hole. He preferred women but if it was a guy he wouldn’t mind.

When you came into his life, it was everything. The way you’d talk, move, dress even sometimes. He has a lot of self control though so you weren’t aware of how crazy you drove him.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He doesn’t wanna hurt you. He doesn’t wanna yell hurtful things at you either. You once brought up him using his claws and jut flat out declined. How would he even incorporate them? Just no.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Before you, he’d rather receive. That was kinda the whole point of sleeping around the way he would, to get off.

After he met you he became obsessed with getting you off. And he was really good at it too of course with all his experience. He loved fingering and using his tongue at the same time but if you had a preference he’d obey immediately. He just loved getting you off.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Logan was normally just lazy and sensual. He didn’t care about being a top or bottom but he’d normally default to bottom. He was never too crazy with his one night stands. He’d only be fast and rough if he was mad enough which was rare. He didn’t like hurting people during sex.

When you came along he kinda stayed the same but if you’d ask him to be a certain way he would. He didn’t like being rough with you either too much honestly.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He’s ok with them. Of course with you he’d rather spend more time making love to you but if time didn’t allow it he’d totally be down for a quickie.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He’d experiment with the primal play thing but other than that ehhh… once Deadpool suggested a threesome, and though Logan considered it for a second he said no. Maybe if he was drunk enough…

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Being the way he is, he can go all night. This man had a lot of stamina it was actually kinda insane. Of course he’d be more tired after a mission but at minimum he could go for maybe 5, 6 rounds if that was the case?

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didn’t really care for toys honestly. He didn’t hate them he’d just rather not. He always was like that too even before you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Sometimes if he was a bit drunk he’ll tease but he doesn’t really do it much. It’s rare..

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Logan’s never been too loud. He definitely grunts and groans and when he gets with you he moans a bit too. But other than that he’s quiet.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

There’s different things saying different things about his sexuality but I saw something about him behind bi and I agree

Did he or did he not fuck Deadpool in that Honda odyssey😭

I just don’t think he cared who he ended up sleeping with as long as he got off

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s girthy. I firmly belief it idc. I forgot the average length but I think he’d be like 6 and a halfish. Oh and he knows how to use it too of course

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Like said he never cared to jack off but sometimes he did get a bit needy from time to time so that’s what lead to the in between mission fucks. With you he’d be good if y’all did it at least a few times a week.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

With the random people he’d sleep with, immediately. He didn’t care as long as he got off, came and the other person was done.

With you though he couldn’t until he knew you were good. Sometimes he would lay still for a bit to catch his breath but after a bit he would do his usual aftercare with you and sometimes he would wait until you feel asleep first.

[kylieswift31]

Hey Stephen

The ‘Hey Stephen’ interview is gaining traction again now because it was a pre-sent Easter egg designed to be understood at a later date. And the key to understanding it now is to view the interview through the lens of the Truman show…

Just after Truman’s escape ‘fails’, the director grows complacent as we begin to view Truman’s life through his point of view and this begins with interviews and clips of the fans watching along at home. This is designed to be a show of support on first watch, but the deeper you get into the themes of the movie the more you understand how many seem to be stuck in the shallow end of interpretation.

All of the positive endorsement of Truman’s popularity and the success of the show is a setup to highlight the director’s ‘good’ intentions by painting Sylvia’s character in a bad light. She’s the one that got (taken) away in Truman’s love triangle and is now seen as the face of the ‘free Truman’ movement. In his eyes she’s the anti hero and the reason why Truman began trying to escape after she left.

Everyone else watching from home had adopted a similar point of view to the director because they were viewing Truman’s life through his point of view. Understanding the director’s role in scripting the narrative slowly increased the support for the side that could see the cracks forming in the facade.

This is where ‘the tortoise and the hare’ reflects the moral of the story being told in the Truman show. The director is betting on the hare based on his view of Truman™ and Sylvia is betting on the tortoise because she can see the hidden side of Truman underneath the facade of Truman™.

The director was so sure he’d won the race after Truman’s ‘failed’ escape that he didn’t realise it was a purposeful ‘loss’ in a game of checkers. The director saw each round as a win without realising progress was being made until Truman had crossed the finish line.

This is why the movie ending with Truman stepping through the door is so powerful. It’s Truman revealing that they had been playing chess all along. Stepping through the door was Truman saying checkmate without giving the director a second thought.

Just like the tortoise’s slow progress towards the finish line, the never ending references to the Truman show stem from Taylor reenacting Truman’s strategy of slowly turning up the heat. Doing all of this as a one woman band allows each small step forwards (or breadcrumb left behind) to go unnoticed, as the connections between each clue are undetectable at first glance.

In the ‘Hey Stephen’ interview Taylor repeats “shockingly specific” details about Stephen’s personal life because she sees how some of her own fans are bordering on a stalker level of obsession while refusing to put the same level of investigation into her lyrics. For example we’ve seen the tracking of her private plane flights, knowing the names of her bodyguards and tracking her fertility cycle in the hopes she’s getting married and having children with Travis any day now.

I go back and forth on who I think the director in Taylor’s story could be, but I’m beginning to see that it’s this specific subset of the swiftie fanbase that might fulfil this role. It’s the ones that continue to overstep as they demand to see a palatable version of Taylor™ who will be the ones hanging on to the facade right up to the very end. And it’s their predictability that’s allowed Taylor to plan out future references like this so far in advance.

The Stephen Colbert poster is a classic example of how Taylor has created a cycle of leaving a trail of Easter eggs, red herrings and breadcrumbs along the way. It’s saying look over here at the pizza, but whatever you do don’t look over here to see the golden egg being pointed to with the other hand. Seeing the one piece of evidence on its own and not considering the bigger story it connects to is how the hare lost the race he didn’t realise was progressing towards the finish line when he wasn’t paying attention.

Highlighting the use of homonyms (and homographs, homophones etc) by referencing names such as Stephen and Lucy feels like a nod towards the meaning of Truman’s name. Truman is pretending to be the ‘True Man’ in the form of Truman™ because this is who the director wants him to be. In the same way Taylor is pretending to be Taylor™. This is essentially a combination of the ‘good girl’ persona and the pop star persona. Combining all of this with the manuscript also meaning ‘the man you script’ and you create the foundation for the ongoing performance art.

The golden egg is likely a reference to the Aesop fable ‘the goose and the golden egg’. It’s about a countryman who got rich from selling the golden eggs the goose had laid. Over time he became impatient and greedy waiting for the goose to lay one egg a day. He came up with the idea to kill the goose and cut it open. As he did so he discovered that there were no more eggs to be found and that it was the process the goose went through laying one a day that created the golden egg.

Another example of this story is seen in the Willy Wonka stories. In this case it’s used as a test to sift out the bad eggs from the good ones. In the end the moral of the story is “those who have plenty want more and so lose all they have”. This is what lead Truman to reach a breaking point and it’s what we’re seeing play out with Taylor’s story too. “All the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting “more!”” And ‘the goose and the golden egg’ is listed as number 87 in the Perry index of Aesop fables. 🫠

On that note… the only orange colour on the poster is the TnT, a common nickname for Taylor and Travis. What if karma orange is actually a reference to something they were working on together? Stephen Colbert emphasised the music played to transition into the interview as a ‘liaison’, this word is usually used to describe someone acting as a bridge between two people. And Travis is the key to highlighting the contrast between Taylor and Taylor™.

The performance of Taylor™ as the ‘good girl’ and Truman™ as the ‘true man’ is designed to break down the facade so that we can see who they really are underneath. “You never had a camera inside my head”. If we’re not willing to look past the facade of Taylor™ we won’t see what inside her heart.

We’ve all reached the point where we agree that Taylor is queer in some form after viewing her story through a queer lens. I know many are frustrated that the story isn’t over yet, but we have to remember that we’ve already crossed the finish line. Taylor is now repeating the race to help explain her story to a larger audience in a way that they can understand it. All that’s left now is to filter out the good eggs so that we can leave the bad eggs behind.

“When you watch a film or you read a book and there’s a character that you identify with, you most of the time identify with them because they’re targeting something in you that feels like you’ve been there. That’s why we relate to characters.” -Taylor Swift

This applies to swifties too ❤️💛

A tortured poet,

Kylie x

[no-fate-but-what-we-make]

Behind Closed Doors | Fezco

Description: you’re with Fezco in bed when Rue shows up and bangs on his door. Set in Euphoria season 1, episode 3

Pairing: Fezco x Female!Reader

A/N: The moment I first saw this scene, I knew I wanted to write something with it, but I never got around to it until now. Gif isn't mine - all credit to the creator. Enjoy xo

Warnings: drug mentions, addiction

- - -

The sound of a fist banging on the door to Fezco’s house shook you out of your nap. “Mm, what is it, Fez?” You asked, still sleepy, stretching and turning over to face him.

“I don’t know.” Fez sighed, pulling you into him for a quick kiss. “Maybe they’ll go away if we wait long enough.”

The incessant banging continued and after a few more seconds, your boyfriend let out an annoyed grunt and shifted to get out of bed. You watched, a lazy smile on your face as he grabbed his shirt from the floor and threw it on. “Be right back.”

You didn’t necessarily try to hear, but the walls in the house could be thin so it wasn’t hard to eavesdrop on conversations. 

“Who is it?” You heard Fezco ask as he walked into the living room. The door squeaked as he opened it, and you could only imagine who was on the other side. One of his clients, no doubt. “Not today, Rue. Sorry.”

Rue. Your chest constricted at hearing the younger girl’s name. You’d seen her around school before you’d graduated, and had met her a couple times since whenever she showed up asking for drugs. From the rumors, her drug habit was one of the worst out of all of Fezco’s clients, and that was seriously saying something.

“C’mon man, don’t be a dick.” The window was open, a fact you hadn’t realized until now, and you could hear the hurt in her strung-out voice.

“Nah, I’m serious. You can’t come in.”

You and Fezco had just been talking about how he wanted to set firmer boundaries with his clients and you knew this was going to be one of the hardest. He saw Rue like a little sister, and always took special care when it came to her - any other girl would be jealous of the relationship, but you saw it for what it was: guilt mixed with some fucked up version of platonic love. When the news broke that Rue had been carted off to rehab after a very nasty OD where she almost died, Fezco had been inconsolable for almost a week. Ashtray had done a majority of the deals that week and you still weren’t sure what he’d told the buyers.

“Look, man, all I- all I need is just a few OCs-”

“Sorry, I can’t help you.”

“Fez? Fez? I’ve had a really fucked up day, alright? It’s been a really really fucked up day, so I need you to open the door for me, okay? Can you open the door, please?” The desperation in her voice had tears pricking the back of your eyes. You knew that tone of voice well, memory taking you back to your dead, alcoholic mother when she’d beg you to go buy booze with the fake she’d had made for you specifically for that purpose. Addiction was a hell of a drug.

“I ain’t gon’ help you kill yourself, Rue.” His silence was deafening. “I’m sorry but you can’t be comin’ over here no more. Just go home.”

“Don’t! Fez, don’t close the-” you heard the click of the door. “Fuck! Fez-” Rue banged her fist against the storm door, “open the fucking door, please? I’m begging you, just open the door.” In a flash, you were off your feet and heading down to the front door. When you got there, all you could see was his back, his forehead resting on the now-closed door. You wasted no time, coming up behind him and wrapping your arms around his waist, pressing your cheek in-between his shoulder blades as you held him tight. He took a shuddering inhale, bracing himself for Rue’s next words.

“Fez! You’re full of shit, man. You know you make your living off of selling drugs to teenagers, and now all of a sudden you wanna have a fucking moral high ground?! You’re a fucking dropout drug dealer. You know that? You’re a fucking dropout drug dealer with seven functioning fucking brain cells. OPEN THE DOOR! Fuck you! Fuck you Fez okay? Are you doing this because you care about me ? If you gave a shit about me you wouldn’t have sold me the fucking drugs in the first place but you did! You fucking did so open the goddamn door! Open the door!”

During Rue’s rant, Fez had turned around, his eyes meeting yours in one of the most tortured expressions you’d ever seen on his face. You hugged him again, your arms winding around his neck as you let him bury his face in the crook of your neck. 

“I can’t do it-” He whispered against your skin, and you couldn’t fathom how Rue had heard him, but she responded like she had.

“Open the door, open the door, open the door!” The silence was heartbreaking, but you were currently torn between comforting Fez and fighting Rue for what she’d said to him even though you knew it was no use when an addict was like this. “Open the door. You did this to me! You fucking- you did this to me, Fez. You fucking ruined my life. The least you could do is open the goddamn door! I’m so serious I’m so fucking serious. If you don’t open this door right now I swear to god, I will hate you til the day I fucking die.”

“I’m sorry.”

She let out a heart-wrenching wail and smacked her fists against the storm door. “You fucking did this to me! Open the door! Open the door, Fez! C’mon man…”

Wordlessly, you took Fez’s hand and led him back to the bedroom, the sound of Rue banging on the door for far too long until she tired herself out and left.

The two of you had laid in silence and you waited without expectation until he began to speak. “I just…don’t know how to help her, ya know?” Fez murmured, staring up at the ceiling. 

“She’s an addict, Fez. And you’re a dealer. You can’t control what she does and you have to let her fail on her own. It sucks but there’s only so much you can do.”

“I know.” He sighed, turning his head to press a kiss to your temple. “Thank you for being here.” After a while, Fez finally fell asleep in your arms, his breathing finally evening out after an exhausting encounter. You tucked him into bed, curling up into his side as you tried to get some sleep of your own.

[cer-rata]

I did it, I finished the fic.

Cover by the amazing @nicodrawings

It's 109k and fully complete, welcome to my oc's first cursed, sappy adventure.

"Heart of Gotham"

Fandom: Detective Comics

Rating: T M

Summary:

Conrad Bishop thinks he knows who he is: A nerd, a goof, a coward. But heartbreak comes along to destroy that version of him. As he shatters, an alien ring decides that the depth of his pain has the potential to forge him into a potent Star Sapphire. While grief may be a devastatingly powerful form of love, can he survive on it alone? Maybe not. But it’s what he thinks deserves.

Everyone thinks they know who Damian Wayne is: A prince, a pariah, a hero. The truth is worse. No one thinks he’s easy to love, and he agrees. It’s fine. He doesn’t need it, he’s got duty and a body to spend in service of it until there’s nothing left to hate. But sometimes? Sometimes he wonders if that’s all he can be.

By chance they share the same science class, and--for better or worse--that's all it takes to send them on a path that neither of them would have ever dared to consider.

Love conquers all.

...Maybe

Excerpt:

Damian started changing out of his uniform and Conrad awkwardly looked away. He cleared his throat. “Hey, so, I’ve been thinking…”

“Hmm?” Damian grunted as he unclasped and slid his tunic off.

“Well, you used the ring to save me, right? But you know...the whole bit is that if you want to heal someone you have to…uh. You'd…you'd have to love--"

“Philia.” Damian cut in quickly.

“Did…did you--was that a slur?”

“…No! Philia is the Greek concept of love between friends. That’s what the ring was pulling from.” It was mostly true. It was mostly philia. Mostly.

Conrad considered that for a moment, then beamed. “Oh. Oh! So you admit it? You think we’re friends?”

Damian finished pulling a hoodie on and turned to squint at him. “How are you this stupid.”

“Oh my god you do!”

“If you’re like this for the entire ride back, there is a high likelihood that I will change my--oh come on!” Damian complained fruitlessly as he had to endure yet another hug. “I should have let you bleed out.” He hissed, and Conrad just laughed.

“I love you too, buddy.”

A tip of the hat:

Before I get into anything else, again the cover and reference sheet were done by the amazing @nicodrawings. She's terrific, professional, easy to work with (and I am ANNOYING), and I think the quality speaks for itself. Her art is tremendous and her covers are maybe the highest quality I've seen from an indie artist.

And those colors.

Her commissions are open right now and she's making a fan comic that looks so cool, and she does all this other cool stuff. Check her out, okay?

Concepts, Themes, and Character Focus

The core questions I wanted to ask were:

"Can two broken people ever be good for each other?"

"Can you actually move past the pain of loss?"

"How do you love someone?"

I love Lantern lore, and Star Sapphires specifically. Maybe too much

I was fascinated by a Corps that represented love but was usually fueled by despair and anguish instead, and wielded one of the harder to control colors of the Emotional Spectrum. So I decided to create one from scratch and place them in Earth's most notorious tragedy factory: Gotham City.

Conrad is shamelessly emotional and ruled by his affections, and was like that even before the ring. The only son of a pair of Haitian immigrants, Conrad grew up feeling very loved, and even his parents terrible handling of his attempt to come out wasn't enough to shake that. But his parents never really pushed him, and his easy-going nature meant he didn't develop a lot of self determination. Then he suffers an incredibly traumatizing loss, and suddenly his carefully laid carpet of normalcy and avoidance is torn up to reveal some structural problems underneath.

Damian is emotional and ruled by his affections, and is a little ashamed of it. He also felt loved when he was growing up, but unlike Conrad, much of the love he received was in the form of praise for his success, which had the unfortunate effect of making him seek approval in ways that were often unhelpful, most often to himself. He's tried so hard, and done so much work to be a better person, and he's even accumulated a group of peers who adore him. But he's still lonely, has trouble accepting his own progress, and the guilt he carries making new connections difficult.

Everyone is a couple of years older than they are in canon, which I did to make the content more appropriate, and also so I could play with the ambiguity of those three undocumented years, and hand wave away some of the more...uncharitable parts of canon without having to rewrite everything. This is Damian still on his early Rebirth character track, before the many resets to his character development. He's still harsh and somewhat antisocial, but he's also older, more mellow, and has worked through a couple of things. He's settled enough to allow for some honest introspection.

I didn't initially plan for this to be a love story, but their internal conflicts were complimentary and their deepest wishes slotted together so neatly that the direction felt natural. They cover many of each other's weaknesses and blind spots, while making some of their other hangups worse.

The romance isn't even the critical part really, it's just the way they end up expressing emotional intimacy. They are friends first, and that's what holds everything together. It's all about them showing up for each other in ways that are sometimes difficult, and the fact that they always will, regardless of whether they're in a relationship or not.

It's an awkward, intense, teen relationship, and it's not always a good thing for either of them--even before factoring in cosmic super weapons and secret identities.

Also, there are... a lot of cameos and odd side characters.

[veren-cos]

Babe, Look at me!

Shane x gn!farmer Self Harm comfort

An extended version of the plot in my bullet point self harm comfort

TW! Mentions of current and past self harm. Kinda graphic but nothing too specific. If you are struggling with self harm or suicidal ideation, please reach out to someone. Weather that is a friend, family member, doctor, therapist, etc. I promise things get better. There are many helplines and free resources that are just a google away!

Oh fuck. Oh fuck Oh fuck oh fuckohfuck. Why did you do it?! Again! Again and again and again and again. It never seemed to stop. Every single time you thought it was the last, it just kept happening.

You woke up early, as per usual. But something just wasn't right. A feeling that wouldn't go away. Eating you from under your skin, consuming every thought and emotion until you did something to get it out.

So you rushed back inside. Panicking. Think dear yoba why in earth do you do this to yourself? Why can you never stay away. But then you find yourself in the bathroom. New cuts and scratches wherever you had access. And then,

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Shane came in. Shane had seen everything. He saw what a mess you were. He saw. He saw he saw he saw he saw. You dropped what was in your hands. "Shane!"

Fuck, tears were building up. "Shane oh my god I'm so sorry."

You felt your knees getting wobbly. "I'm sorry"

They gave out. You were on the floor of your bathroom, absolutely sobbing, bleeding and blubbering out apologies to your boyfriend who just walked in.

"I'm so sorry Shane. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

---------------------------------------------

There's blood. They are bleeding?!! And they are on the floor. Oh my yoba they are on the floor crying. This is my fucking fault. Oh no.. Oh no nono I yelled at them. I yelled at them? What the fuck was I thinking! Why the fuck am I still just thinking they fucking need help!

I can't help them? What the fuck can I do? I can barely help myself!

..but they need me..

---------------------------------------------

You were still on the tile. Nothing was going right. Why the fuck did you do it. Hurting yourself doesn't solve anything. It doesn't help. It doesn't help! Why cant you stop. Please just let it stop.

You felt arms wrapping around you. God you forgot he was even there.

"It's okay." Shane squeezed you tighter. "It's okay. Babe I'm here for you. You're okay. You'll be okay. We are going to get you through this, alright? You've helped me up until now it's my fucking turn." He tried to sooth your panic, but you were spiraling.

How could you put this on him? You never meant for him to find out! You never meant for this to happen again! And now he knows, and -"Babe."- he is talking to you and -"hello?"- you can't hear him but you know he is speaking and-

He is suddenly in front of you, grabbing you by the shoulders. "Babe! Look at me!" You finally saw him. You could hear him. "Breath." He took a big breath in. Then let it out. "Come on, you have to breath. You need to calm down."

He guided you through a few breaths, but it was still taking so long. You kept trying to calm yourself down. Too unaware to notice that Shane had grabbed a wet towel and started cleaning the cuts. When you finally were grounded enough to notice, he had already wrapped the wounds.

"Shane.." You looked up at him. It was the first time you had really seen his face this whole time. He looked.... broken. You broke him. You broke the love of your life. It was all your fault.

He must have seen you start spacing out again, because he pulled you up off the floor, and into another hug.

"Baby.. you have to talk to me. I can't wake up seeing you having hurt yourself in the bathroom. You can't be hurting yourself. This isn't healthy. You need help. More help than I can give. But I can help you get the help you need. And I can listen. So talk to me. Please."

He looked like he was about to cry. But the wall already came crashing down, you might as well smash the rest of the pieces.

"Shane.. I'm so sorry." He gave you a look. "No. Okay. I'm sorry. Shit! I don't even know where to start. There hasn't even been anything to be upset with! Things have been going well! I have my farm. I have my friends. I have you!! But somehow things just.. they got overwhelming.

"They got overwhelming to the point I just broke. I fell into old habits. Ones I didn't think would come back. I just couldn't do it. Nothing feels right. I am happy! But then I feel guilty about being happy. And then I feel sad that I'm feeling guilty about being happy. And then I'm sad that I'm sad about being guilty that I'm happy? And then I'm spiraling into a series of emotions that make no sense and it's just too much. Everything is just too much!"

You took a shakey breath, continuing, "So now I'm here. And you're here too. You were never supposed to be here! I never wanted you to see this. You were never supposed to see this part of me. I'm supposed to be put together. And okay. And helpful. And perfect. But I'm not."

He hugged you tighter, then pulled back and looked you straight in the eyes. "You aren't perfect. You aren't put together. And yes, you're helpful, but sometimes you make a mess out of things! You fail. You're messy. You'll fail again, and make even more messes!"

It sounded like he was stringing together insults for you! What the fuck was Shane thinking? But then he continued..

"And that is okay." He made sure you were looking at him for that. "It's okay to not be perfect. It's okay to not be put together, to be a mess. You don't have to help anyone. It's okay it fail. You have all this pressure on yourself, and you don't need it. I fail all the time, and I'm a mess! I don't help anyone besides myself, and I am far from perfect. Hey. Maybe that's why we're perfect for each other?" You let out a scoff of a laugh and shoved his arm.

"Too soon? Okay." He chuckled and went on. "I don't know what the fuck.. how the fuck?" He sighed, "I don't know. I don't know how to help you. But I do know you'll get through this and I'm going to make sure I'm there for you. Now come on. Let's go to bed for a bit, I'm taking you to Harvey's once you get some more rest."

You didn't even protest about seeing Harvey. You knew you needed to, you couldn't do it alone. And you couldn't put all the pressure on Shane. He led you to bed, and just made sure you got comfortable. You wrapped your arms around him. And you cried. Not because you were sad, though you were sad. You cried because it was over. You weren't alone with it anymore. You cried because you knew you would be okay. Maybe not soon, but eventually. You would be okay. He hugged you tighter. He knew. Shane gave you a forehead kiss, and let you let everything out. For now, you could just lay in his arms and feel.

Please, again, reach out to someone if you struggle with self harm or suicidal ideation. It's extremely important, and I know it's hard. But things will get better.

An* I wrote this so late at night. And then i started almost crying when writing this because it was too emotional for tired me. And then I decided listening to Mitski when writing this would be a great idea. (Spoiler alert. It wasn't lmao)

An part 2* came back to this like the next day (2 days later??) And this is still very sad 🤠👍 I don't like making myself sad from my writing but I also can't stop. Send help/j

(Also ignore the random POV switch. Like read it, yes, but I know it was kinda short and random-)

Masterlist

[year2000electronics]

Did Mario know about the rumors of the Dark Star Child? If yes, what exactly did he know?

What exactly was that one alternate timeline with Luigi on Bowser's side like? And what had happened to its version of Mario?

Has Antasma ever used his vampire transformation powers (in the main timeline)? And what exactly does that whole process entail?

What happens if any of the Star Children are seperated from their jems?

Does Luigi's Dark Star necklace act funky after the prophecy was foiled, with all that forbidden power but its assigned cause being no more?

EXCELLENT QUESTIONS! answers going under the cut because they got long

so both light and dark prognosticus are kept very secret in the FOTS world, obviously, but seeing as the dark prognosticus is ACTUALLY dangerous, it's far-better kept, so the prophecies of the light prognosticus enter the cultural consciousness much easier, so the stories of the four star children get spread far and wide, and in contrast, the far more secretive dark prognosticus gets seen as "not canonical" or just "old wives' tales"- so for a lot of people, the idea of the dark star child ALONE is ridiculous (it'd kinda be like if you talked to two different, i dont know, christians, and one says the book of revelations is about a hypothetical end, and the other says the rapture is happening Tomorow)

and even then, people who DO believe in the dark star child usually go "well it's probably that furious monster king they mention. he sounds scary"

it's the same for mario, because as much as i love to focus on Luigi's Issues, taking a step back into mario and luigi's ENTIRE life- yknow from birth to present- here's pretty much what it looks like, right

the purple tallies are every "foreshadowing moment" i've put in the timeline, so there's yoshi's island, where the only person who saw that foreshadowing is kamek, and then dream team, where antasma says he sees something dark in luigi, brothership, which i won't get fully into because spoilers, and finally, what i've been lovingly referring to as "the train wreck"- where a bunch of grand reveals all happen near the tail-end.

so for mario, it never even occurred to him! he's lived with this guy for at least 20 years with no incidents up until now! the heck is going on??

as for the alt timeline, i imagined it would be a very similar sort of situation to mlp season 5's finale where the gang travels through a bunch of different super-crazy timelines and you get just enough info to understand what's going on, but you can't stay for long because THERE'S THINGS AT STAKE!!

BUT this specific timeline has luigi being raised by kamek as one of his own, so it's bowser and luigi who end up being The Brothers instead of mario and luigi! mario ends up fine, of course, he just needs to work twice as hard to get stuff done. maybe peach teams up with him instead of getting kidnapped? much to think about. in a hypothetical where this was the real timeline, mario would have to convince both bowser and luigi to go along with him to do SPM lol, what a headache

i did a few sketches of some hypothetical alternate timelines- flashy, conveys what it is quick, and then POOF! its gone

as for antasma, i actually had the idea a while back that maybe he slowly starts turning everyone on pi'illo island into his army, so the more you clear the story, the darker the island gets- but that kinda happens with brothership and the glohmed concordians so i might have to scrap that

but yknow, in bowser's early appearances, he's portrayed as this blue-pale colour, and he also is rocking this really cool cape- and seeing as antasma is using bowser for his own plans in a parasitic way, i think it would actually be super cool for bowser to be a vampire for most of dream team

i think antasma would be the only one who could CAUSE nightmares/fear but anyone turned into a vampire by him would have to suck all the rest/good dreams out of people, so youre left super exhausted and when you go to bed you'll either have no dreams at all or have freaky nightmares

the necklaces have a special connection to the star children! i'm sure youve seen those 'cursed object' or 'magical object' stories where the object will just spawn back somewhere if it's lost. that's good for the star children! their artifacts aren't Artifacts Of Power or anything, moreso just yknow, charms of protection, of good luck, stuff like that. it's a representation of the star spirits' blessing. so a lot of it is just 'these things have sentimental value to these crazy kids'

but of course, they'll come back even if the star children don't want them to at the moment...

and after the fact, luigi's necklace is... wait for it... perfectly normal! it's no longer hidden, but it's not like it's some big scary macguffin, either. it symbolizes that the star children have broken free from the chains of "fate" and "destiny"- how they can choose who they wanna be now. and luigi chooses to be a normal guy!

thanks for your questions!!

[stormblessed95]

Hi!

Ok, so I just rewrote everything I wanted to discuss regarding the new video of Jimin working on MUSE, WHO, and SGMB as I felt it’d be easier than sending multiple asks with my questions!

I wanted to know what your thoughts were about the video and album overall, as well as with these parts where Jimin goes into detail a little more about two of the songs’ concepts.

I’m confused if the album as a whole is conceptual, or just the tracks Jimin wrote and WHO is the truth. Is this album about finding love or Jimin’s inspiration and creative process?

And what does that mean in terms for Jimn and Jikook?

I know people (antis) are going on about pronouns, but honestly I already think Jimin is queer or bisexual, so writing a love song about a woman or with female pronouns doesn’t negate that (especially since we’ve seen a version where the lyrics were gender neutral). Until Jimin outright says he has never and will never have romantic feelings towards a man, I’m under the assumption that he may be bisexual (regardless of if he wants a male or female partner).

However Jimin talking about looking for love and not experiencing that, does make me question Jikook if this album is supposed to be speaking from Jimin’s personal experiences and/or thoughts.

I included the parts of dialogue (sorry if I missed something 😅) that lead to these thoughts and/or questions, and it would be wonderful if you could help explain it more, or at least your thoughts on it. I know you’re not Jimin nor did you work with him on MUSE, so obviously you don’t know exactly what it means or conveys.

I’m not taking your word as the truth either, this isn’t the cult lol, just that there’s been many times where your posts help me with the understanding of topics: BTS, Jimin, JK, Jikook, ect!

And of course whatever Jimin says matters more to me!

Thanks Storm! 💜

While working on WHO

JM: This album has a lot of cheerful songs. But I wanted to try a different approach for just the title track. There will be a lot of fun songs.

JM: It was harder to write the lyrics this time. I had to pretend to go through experiences I haven’t had before. I’ll explain it one by one in more detail later.

JB (Jon): *interpreting Jimin’s ideas* I’d like to fall in love. I wanna, I’ll do what it takes to fall in love. I still don’t feel it, so what is my heart waiting for?

JM (Through the Translator): It’s just a bit sentimental, so it doesn’t get too intense like, “Where is she?” It doesn’t get too depressing.

JM: It’s not supposed to be sad or anything.

Translator: He’s not like, not too deep into it. He’s like “this is what I’m feeling right now”.

JM: It’s kind of embarrassing to explain emotions. It feels like someone found my diary.

Translator: Thank you for explaining everything so honestly.

JM: My ears are red. *touches ears*

JM: I’ve poured all my emotions into this, so I was very embarrassed just now. Even though they just wanted to ask about the story I wanted to tell. It’s just, everyone…. *laughs*

JM: Everyone’s just living alone, right? That’s what it is.

Working on SGMB

Producer: If the album is going to be all about expressing the process, we could just go all out conceptual.

Producer: I thought we could do a story with a specific concept, and I thought it’d be great if we chose a name for a band.

Producer: For those who aren’t able to express their love themselves, we’ll express it for them. That’s the kind of band we are. That’s the kind of concept we’ll have.

Loco: I’d never heard of a “smeraldo” before, so I looked it up. It’s a flower, I saw its meaning in the language of flowers. One of the related search terms was BTS. So there was some kind of a connection. So I thought, “Wow, I should come today to hear the explanation”. I found it really interesting, that’s why.

Loco: How do we express the true feelings of someone who couldn’t express it themselves?

Producer: Yeah that’s it.

Loco: This is how we should try to think about it.

JM: I thought of you while making this song….

Loco: It’s so good.

JM: Thank you.

Anon wrote an essay, but I want everyone to know and appreciate how well worded and kind this was. This is a request. An ask. This is a "I have these thoughts, opinions and concerns. I'm really curious about how you also feel about this, could you please let me know. Thanks" and not the rude demands, belligerent asks and the homophobia I got about this same topic from SO MANY OTHERS. So just before anything else, thank you anon, for being a kind human being in interacting with me. I hope you enjoy the random gifs throughout this post 💜

Let's take it bit by bit?

I wanted to know what your thoughts were about the video and album overall, as well as with these parts where Jimin goes into detail a little more about two of the songs’ concepts.

When I made my posts about Muse as an album in its entirety, it was technically before this video, but nothing said in that behinds video changed any of my thoughts. MMM gave us enough of an insight already that nothing else really surprised me from what he said, if that makes sense. Other than seeing the original lyrics were gender neutral. While not a surprise per say, that definitely wasn't indicated anywhere before. Idk if you saw my thoughts, opinions and theories over Muse already, but if not, please read that post here:

My thoughts over Who, which I posted just before answering this:

And then the other main posts I have where I talked about Muse, Rebirth and SMGB can be found in the last 9 posts linked here:

I’m confused if the album as a whole is conceptual, or just the tracks Jimin wrote and WHO is the truth. Is this album about finding love or Jimin’s inspiration and creative process?

Personally I believe that the album as a whole is conceptual. Jimin pretty much stated that it was in MMM. Conceptual doesn't mean falsehoods though either. I mention this in further detail in my muse post above as well. So really, please do go read that. I think that this is more about Jimin's inspiration and creative process. And it's about love. ❤️🥰 These things can coexist!

Pdogg even just recently said: "His previous album was designed to be deeply personal, but the new one is more abstract and isn’t strictly about Jimin alone. The whole thing’s also in line with what Millennials and Gen Z experience when they fall in love."

And what does that mean in terms for Jimn and Jikook?

Short answer: Nothing.

Longer answer: Still nothing. I know it's not really the answer you or probably anyone else or any of the antis who sent me asks about this topic, wanted. But it's the one I've got for you. As much as I thoroughly love and enjoy finding the Jikook coincidences and connections in everything. Istg I promise I do. I can be just as delulu as the rest of them. But it's really important that we ALL remember to see, recognize and enjoy their artistic integrity and messages without thinking it automatically has to do with each other or their relationship (whatever it may be, and yes this is still valid even if they are for sure dating each other romantically too).

Jimin talking about making an album that expresses the desire for love, feelings of crushes, wanting to be with the one, etc... doesn't actually mean that's the state of his current life. It doesn't even technically mean that's what he wants if he is single. I AM NOT SAYING THESE THINGS ARE TRUE OR EVEN WHAT I THINK. Just options, because we don't actually know anything about Jimin's life other than what he chooses to share. Personally, nothing he said in that behinds video, the MMM video or any other behinds content for Muse has made me rethink my Jikook opinions. But thats just me, and I don't blame anyone for ever changing their mind about anything. I just think years upon years of sharing things with us and behavior doesn't change based off him explaining the emotions and concept he is going for while working with other artists on his album.

I know people (antis) are going on about pronouns, but honestly I already think Jimin is queer or bisexual, so writing a love song about a woman or with female pronouns doesn’t negate that (especially since we’ve seen a version where the lyrics were gender neutral). Until Jimin outright says he has never and will never have romantic feelings towards a man, I’m under the assumption that he may be bisexual (regardless of if he wants a male or female partner).

I too, am under this impression and fully agree with you here. It's always nice when I agree with pieces of anon essays 🥰😄💜

However Jimin talking about looking for love and not experiencing that, does make me question Jikook if this album is supposed to be speaking from Jimin’s personal experiences and/or thoughts.

I included the parts of dialogue (sorry if I missed something 😅) that lead to these thoughts and/or questions, and it would be wonderful if you could help explain it more, or at least your thoughts on it. I know you’re not Jimin nor did you work with him on MUSE, so obviously you don’t know exactly what it means or conveys.

I’m not taking your word as the truth either, this isn’t the cult lol, just that there’s been many times where your posts help me with the understanding of topics: BTS, Jimin, JK, Jikook, ect!

Have you been following me for a while because that used to be something I said a lot on this blog. I appreciate you requesting a secondary opinion from someone whose opinions you generally trust (and I'm honored and touched that I am that person, thank you) while still making sure to form your own thoughts and opinions on things as well. Even if they end up different. That's really so important. 💜💜

Now I see where you (general you for the 80 asks I got about this topic) might be like but storm what about *insert all your above quotes here* I'm getting there! Also sorry, I'm not copy and posting all those quotes, this post is long enough as it is, but I super appreciate you taking the time to type them all out for me. I will preemptively add this one from the most recently weverse article though before someone else sends it to me in an ask lol:

"Then it goes into “Be Mine,” which takes the concept one step further, and is about an imaginary relationship. Our plan was to follow that song with the lead single and write it as a serenade, but Jimin was having trouble relating to it. He asked himself if he can ever really love someone, and that question led to the creation of “Who.” The album is about looking for some imaginary woman, but “Who” is about the reality of feeling lonely and melancholy, and asking yourself where the person for you is, which is why we made it the very last track."

From:

So let's just sort of break this down in general and all the quotes together if you don't mind.

1. Irregardless of a relationship with Jungkook, true or not. Jimin is an idol, he isn't going to be announcing a relationship until he is married. And maybe not even then if he keeps it under wraps until he is retired. And if he ever has to announce a relationship, it's never going to be through a love song and explaining he drew inspiration from a partner. It's always going to be "love, what's that?" "Oh we are all always single for now." "Haha oh armys are my girlfriend." And if he ever gets forced into admitting to and claiming a relationship, its going to come with an apology and an ask for understanding. Which really fucking sucks, but that's a different conversation entirely. And it's the reality that idols live with. Take it up with the industry and the fans.

2. If Jimin is queer, like you and I both suspect that he is, he is closeted. And will remain so probably until he is at least retired and/or maybe after that too. Hinting at, making vague remarks about it, etc, is not and never will be coming out. So all those points from #1 above, double it and count it worse for this one. If he is queer, Jimin will be sticking to that "what is love, I'm perpetually single" line all that much harder as a matter of safety probably. I mean and who knows, I'm not Jimin.

3. Jimin is working off a concept, a storyline and a following a major theme and plot that over arches through all his songs in order. He knows the emotions he wants to convey, he knows the general idea. Talking about that is and can be embarrassing. Like someone reading your diary. Lol

4. Taking it back to point 1 again, if Jimin is in a relationship, with regards to being an idol and am ultra world famous one at that, AND adding in the potential possibility of that being a queer relationship.... In what world do you think that the (hypothetical or otherwise) relationship would be one that went through any kind of normal courtship, confession, romance meet cute story? Lol for all we know, his experience with love and relationships look different than the story he was trying to tell, which was much more storybook idealistic. Or for all we know, he is single and just has hook ups and has never been in love. We don't know for sure, and that's okay. We aren't entitled to Jimin's private life.

5. In specific regards to "we are all living alone right" that one feels like explaining his album concept, not his life. To me at least. As was Loco talking about how to explain the feelings of someone who couldn't express it themselves, that was the literal concept of the song for SMGB.

And to conclude all my points above, in my personal OPINIONS, Jimin isn't going to share his love life in any type of way with his fans. He was preemptively apologizing for touching a female dancer to his fans. He knows his fans won't allow him the luxury of love. He knows he isn't allowed the luxury of queerness either, not from his country nor his fans for the most part either. The homophobia I get in my ask box is proof enough. I personally think everything Jimin and JK have said through the years and their actions throughout the years have shown me that there is probably something more leaning towards romantic attraction there, and I feel like it's very probably that they acted upon that. In a conventional way or not, who knows. Only jikook. But I don't think anything from these conversations has proven anything otherwise. But of course, anyone is free to disagree with that and think differently.

Sorry for the essay in response. Hope this all made sense and was clear. And that you found it helpful in some way anon. Thank you again for how you asked your questions and expressed yourself. It was great.

[aeroblossom]

okay i found what i think is the most peculiar mystery in dragonspine so far

Or: khaenriah wasn't after the celestial nail or its powers, it was after STARSILVER.

tumblr i NEED to share this with you because it's blowing my mind. recently me and my friend were discussing this star shard you can find in a quest from 5.0 natlan.

this is a meteor according to the quest and context clues. it looked like iron, so we were trying to find out what kind of metal it most closely resembles, and then -

these are iron meteorites. i'm sure you can see the pattern matches almost perfectly. the patterns form due to cooling in the vacuum of space. you'll notice that the grass around the meteor in the original image is white. nowhere else, to my knowledge, in natlan is there white grass, which implies this is an effect of the star shard itself. and if this is related to the cold...

...you know what other material forms in the cold?

starsilver. the two looked similar, so we checked, and what do you know

(left: star shard [quest item], right: starsilver)

starsilver's description says it forms in very specific conditions like those found in dragonspine. what are the conditions of dragonspine? cold. extremely, extremely cold.

but if these two are the same material... you know what else that implies?

starsilver is extraterrestrial. and i think that point is compounded by the fact that albedo makes paint out of it. albedo. additionally, a high quality node of starsilver looks like this:

pink and blue-y. like glazed sand crystal, also formed due to meteorite impact in the chasm... but my main reason for bringing this up is because these two have a very particular color scheme - pink and blue, the colors of the primordial sea.

in the fontaine waters, the fontemer aberrants (the translucent versions of sea creatures that give you their abilities), which also share this color scheme, are described as 'xenochromatic'. taken literally, the word means 'alien colored'. this seems to be a reference to hp lovecraft's book, 'the color out of space', where strange water droplets found INSIDE A METEORITE, have a color that have never been seen by anyone before.

and albedo uses these to make paint. he uses alien rocks to make alien colors.

now, we've established that starsilver cannot be generated within dragonspine. until we come up with a reason why, there's no logical explanation for starsilver to exist in dragonspine. a foreign metal cannot be synthesized somewhere it has never been before, even assuming the conditions were right. dragonspine has, to our knowledge, never had any abyssal encounters or floods, so the introduction of otherworldly materials makes no sense. you can't create the real life equivalent of these meteorites on earth because the conditions are impossible to replicate. dragonspine cannot logically be that cold either because it still has flora native to its environment.

on that note,

we are often told that the celestial nail is the reason for dragonspine's disaster. but as stated, dragonspine has no history of abyssal floods, so using a nail there... doesn't it seem wasteful? unnecessary even? you might say it was because of their transgressions, but if that was the case, shouldn't us removing the nail fix the issue?

but all it did was remove one small snowstorm at the peak.

unless, that is what they want us to believe. they want us to believe that celestia did this. genshin is full of unreliable narrators. a meteorite crashing into the mountain would be no less of a leyline disaster than an abyss attack - which is what the nails are equipped to deal with. side note: i don't believe starsilver exists because of durin. durin's blood has the opposite trait of starsilver - it gives you warmth, while starsilver is facilitated by cold.

the strangest part about all this though, starsilver seems to be produced from the very depths of dragonspine. so if anything, the hypothetical meteor that gives rise to starsilver must be present at its very base. how did it get there? i have no idea.

anyway, let's say this is all correct. celestia didn't cause the leyline destruction, the meteor did. one final detail remains. khaenriah.

the final nail in the coffin, if you will, that leads me to believe starsilver and the star shard are the same, and that they're from outer space - is the famous ruin guard message.

For the nation, we can't forgo this skyborne power, but we failed.

what if this skyborne power is not from the celestial nail that fell...

but from starsilver? because if starsilver is an alien object, don't you think, as of perinheri, the empire most known for dealing with outer space entities, would want to harness the power of these meteorites?

[p.s.: and also, in the legend of the shattered halberd, they used an iron meteorite to make weapons. not farfetched for khaenriah.]

[brazilspill]

love to know more about the project you did covering brazil as a pirate mation!

So the class I did the project for was about technology and privacy from a librarianship standpoint (it basically consisted of our prof telling us about all the ways that corporations spy on us and what they can/actually do with our info, leaving us all feeling extra paranoid at the end of every class).

My presentation was on intellectual property rights and remix culture (we’ll get to what that is in a moment) and who owns the information. 

I started out by talking about how the fight regarding privatizing information isn’t new. In ancient Greece we have the story of Prometheus, who shares fire with his creations and is punished by his fellow gods for doing so.

Then we have Odin, who sacrificed himself in order to gain knowledge of the Runes so he could share it with humanity:

I know that I hung on a windy tree nine long nights, wounded with a spear, dedicated to Odin, myself to myself, . . . Until I spied the Runes Then I was fertilized and became wise; I truly grew and thrived. From a word to a word I was led to a word, From a work to a work I was led to a work." -- Rúnatal, or Rúnatáls-þáttr-Óðins (Odin’s Rune Song), The Hávamál, Stanzas 138-140

And last but not least, I told an abridged version of the story Anansi and the Story Chest from Yoruba culture. The tl;dr version is that Anansi the Spider Man (a Trickster in Bantu stories) sees humanity is struggling and suffering and decides to help. He builds a web up to the sky and asks Nyame the Sky God to share his story chest with humans so they can thrive. At first, Nyame laughs in his face, but eventually agrees to part with the chest if Anansi completes three impossible tasks for him. By way of trickery and cleverness Anansi succeeds and Nyame is forced to reluctantly hand over the chest. Once back on Earth, Anansi opens the chest and frees all the stories (knowledge) trapped inside, allowing humanity to prosper.

This led me into how Brazilian culture views information ownership, especially regarding art. The section of my presentation that focused specifically on Brazil started by showing images of how prevalent pirating is in Brazil – how in my hometown we have a whole mall dedicated to selling pirated stuff and knockoffs:

But why? Why’s Brazil so proudly a “pirate nation” by the US’s standards?

Reason 1: It’s a way of sticking it to American companies who charge us more for the same product they charge people from first-world countries.

Last I checked the cheapest iPad Pro costs $1,099 in Canada and R$9,799 in Brazil. For the price to be equivalent it should be R$4,213.97. We’re charged more even when currency rates are considered.

Technology in general costs an exorbitant amount for Brazilians when compared to people in first world countries (or at least it used to at the time, I don’t know about now).

So stuff that originates from the first world, especially technology-related stuff, is seen as bougie stuff that’s more expensive for the plebs:

^ Image that says “Don’t support the bourgeoisie! Say yes to piracy!”

Reason #2: We don’t see pirating things as stealing.

The argument is that copying isn’t stealing, as the original owner still has their copy:

But these two reasons in and of themselves don’t truly get behind why we don’t see it as theft quite as much as..

Reason #3: It’s a cultural thing.

In order to understand the culture we have to first make a pit stop at how cannibalism is portrayed in first-world media (I know this seems like quite the detour but it’ll make sense in a moment): as evil, primitive, and above all, mindless. There’s no good way to look at cannibalism according to first-world (European) culture. 

But because Brazil actually had cannibal cultures, we view cannibalism as more nuanced. It was never mindless, for a start. There were very very strict rules regarding the spiritual practice of cannibalism.

Which is where Oswald de Andrade’s Cannibalist Manifesto comes in. It’s an iconic piece in Brazilian literature and the start of a cultural art movement known as, well, the Cannibalist Movement. It was written by one of the most famous Brazilian poets from the point of view of Indigenous people who committed cannibalism. 

As the manifesto puts it, “Cannibalism [... is] The permanent transformation of Taboo into Totem. [...] Absorption of the enemy made sacred. To transform [the enemy] into a Totem.” That is, by consuming your enemy you absorb into yourself part of their spirit. For this reason, you can’t just consume any old person, you can only consume people in two categories: a formidable enemy who you respect and defeated or a loved one who’s passed away. The concept of not being able to share one’s art or to borrow from other’s work is an European idea, NOT an Indigenous Brazilian one.

“However, only the purest of the elite were able to realize carnal anthropophagy, that brings within it the highest meaning of life and avoids all the evils identified by Freud, catechistic evils. From carnal, it becomes elective and creates friendship. Affectionate, love. Speculative science. It deviates and transfers. … Low anthropophagy agglomerated in the sins of catechism - envy, usury, calumny, murder.  A plague of so-called cultured and Christianized, it is against it that we are acting.”

As Oswald de Andrade eloquently points out in his manifesto, Europeans had/have no problem using cannibals in their stories in an appropriative manner, but then clutch their pearls regarding the very culture they appropriate (innacurately) in their own art:

“Discovered and loved ferociously, with all the hypocrisy of nostalgia, by the immigrants, the trafficked, and the tourists in the land of Great Snake*… playing a part in the operas of Alencar, filled with good Portuguese ideals. We already had Communism. We already had Surrealism.”

In English, the Cannibalist Movement was renamed Remix Culture. Most cultures already use Remix Culture, they just don’t realize it. Most Disney movies, especially from the Classic and Reinassance era, are remixes of stories written by other people. Tolkien’s work is basically a Christian!AU fanfic of Norse works. Fractured fairytales are all remixes too. Harry Potter uses tons of references to other stories. Fanfiction and Fanart? Remix culture at its finest! The list goes on (see the end for a longer sample of remix culture in First World countries).

The basic idea of Remix Culture is that, just like in carnal cannibalism, you should use the best parts of other people’s work to enhance your own work. You credit them when possible, of course, but there’s nothing wrong with borrowing the parts you like.

A great example of how remix culture works can be see in the interaction between three plays: The Beggar’s Opera, Die Dreigroschenoper (The Threepenny Opera), and A Ópera do malandro (The Troublemaker’s Opera).

The Beggar’s Opera by John Gay was first performed in 1728 and is largely considered the most popular play of the 18th century. Its songs were all based on popular songs of the time, basically pop music spoofs. It was basically an anti-opera mocking the artform mostly experienced only by the rich.

Die Dreigroschenoper by Bertoldt Brecht and Kurt Weill was first performed in 1928, and was heavily based on John Gay’s play. The plot is very very similar and most of the music borrows the tunes from the original play (which, remember, weren’t entirely original in a nd of themselves). This play, in turn, was a social commentary on Capitalism as well as being interlaced with warnings about the Nazis being dangerous.

Bertoldt Brecht was heavily criticized for borrowing so much from The Beggar’s Opera, to which he replied that “The pitiful fear of members of our society that one could question their originality is closely connected with their shabby concept of property. … Copying is not easier; it is an art in itself.”

Then, we skip forward to 1978, smack dab in the middle of a brutally violent dictatorship in Brazil, where The Troublemaker’s Opera (see here for the full movie in Portuguese) is having its first showing. The story is based on Brecht’s play, and many of the songs follow the same tune. Like its predecessor, it too is mostly social commentary via satire of the politics of the time.

You can really hear how Buarque borrowed from Brecht in the opening songs of each play. (Here's the song by Brecht and the one by Chico Buarque)

It’s worth noting that one of the main characters went from being Jemmy, the male hero in The Beggar’s Opera, to being Jenny, a swashbuckling heroine, to being Gení, a trans woman who saves the day. Because of its open commentary on society’s treatment of trans sex workers during a time when it was taboo and censored, the play is considered a groundbreaking classic of Brazilian art.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Elisabeth: das Musical (1992) [Elisabeth: the Musical]

Ayyyyyyyyy its been several months but Im BACK BABEY!!! Im not gonna be back for long though because Im not unemployed yet so I dont have the time to watch movies and write reviews about them all the time, but I do have the time to sit down every once in a while and write a little bit of this. which has been taking me several months now

Anyway, if you thought I wouldnt use this project as an excuse to rewatch my favorite musical, you would be very wrong >:)

Now, since this is my favorite musical you would probably think that writing a review would be easy, but because Ive basically been thinking about it nonstop for a few months, its caused me to have this giant buildup of thoughts, its kind of like theres a clogged faucet in my brain right now, to the point where I struggle to properly articulate any of them, especially if Im not being prompted somehow. Like it goes beyond vampire-autism at this point, its not enough to just invite me to talk about Elisabeth, you need to ask me specific questions (on that note, my askbox is always open <3)

So yeah, Im not going to go into a lot of detail but to make up for that, I will be talking about all different productions Ive seen so far in the order that I watched them in (all proshots because Im unfortunately very picky when it comes to my musical-recordings looking and sounding good lol)

The Vienna Production(s)

Thats referring to the original 1992 version, the 1998 version and the 2005 revival.

oughhhhhhh its so good, they really put everything into this one: beautiful songs, strong artistic direction, incredible social commentary, a portrayal of death that serves mad cunt, gay sex etc etc

My first experience with this musical went as follows: my mother bought me the 2001 Essen cd and just kinda put it (and a few other musical cds that dont matter) in my room while I wasnt there without telling me, because we were arguing and our relationship was pretty bad at the time, and it took me a while to listen to it, in part because I was mad at her and wanted to spite her (?) but also I didnt look at the cd cover very closely and for the longest time I thought it was about one of the british Elizabeths and I was like "tch. i dont care about some british queen, im not listening to that". And then one day I actually looked at it and saw that it was a Sissi-musical, which, I also didnt care about her at the time so that didnt really pique my interest either. A few days later I decided to look at the back of the cd cover which had all the song titles, and then I just kinda did that again every few days until I finally took the little booklet with the lyrics out of the case, read through them, and then at last listened to the songs. I do not know why I was doing like, regency-era courting rituals with this random cd, I have never done this before or since, but I did it this one time. And I really liked it so I would listen to it atleast once every day, usually in the mornings because I always wake up at 5am and I needed something to kill time before I had to leave at 7 lol

Theres only 16 songs on this cd and I think they do a decent job at 'summarizing' the story, but I could tell I was missing a lot (although I thought it was just dialogue at the time), and I was really curious about that but I didnt even try to find a proshot or a bootleg or look further into it because I didnt think I was going to find it because I thought it was super obscure because its. german. Idk, does anyone else kindof instinctually assume that every piece of media from your native country is some obscure bullshit that no one cares about (including other people from your native country) or is that just me? Whatever, despite me not looking further into it, I did eventually get the 2005 proshot recommended to me on youtube which is great, i love that google knows my every move and I love that I cant do anything about it. But for some reason I still needed that push to get me to actually watch it, and that push came in the form of a Diana: The Musical review. I watched it and then I read some of the comments and then I left my very own, very long comment where I compared it to Elisabeth: das Musical. Since I obviously hadnt seen either musical in full it was honestly probably pretty incoherent, but my main point was that it looks like Diana couldve really used some satire and social commentary elements similar to the ones present in Elisabeth, which I knew were there because the cd had Milch and Kitsch. Those songs are actually one of the things that I initially found very intriguing because they seemed so out of place among most of the other songs that are these very emotional and earnest ballads and duets, like Wie Du, Ich gehör nur mir, Elisabeth mach auf mein Engel, Ich will dir nur sagen, and Boote in der Nacht are more or less what I would expect from a Sissi-musical, and then Der letzte Tanz is more or less what I would expect from a Sissi-musical where death is a love interest, but Kitsch especially was such a wildcard in there.

Anyway, after I wrote that comment under the Diana: The Musical review, it occurred to me that I should probably watch Elisabeth: das Musical before I start writing needlessly long analyses in random comments sections. And then I thought to myself "oh! since these are both musicals about generally beloved royal women, it would be interesting if I watched both of them for the first time back to back and then maybe made a video essay comparing them" I decided to watch Diana first because what little I heard of the songs in that review sounded pretty bad so I wanted to get that out of the way first, and it was indeed bad, but I was still sure that there was enough there to make a video essay about, especially if Im comparing it to something else. And then I watched Elisabeth and it was so good that I was like "you know, I dont think i want to compare this to that other piece of shit" so I didnt write the video essay I wanted to write originally and started on something that was just about Elisabeth das Musical, which I also didnt end up writing because I usually have a low attentionspan and I struggle with writing alot, thats a big part of why these posts take me so long, along with the fact that I have a job now thats been sucking all the time and energy out of me like a cruel vampire

So yeah, the 2005 proshot was my first time properly experiencing this musical and I do think its a good introduction because things are explained a bit more and it feels like more of a cohesive story compared to the original one which feels more loose with less connective tissue; like, you can tell this musical was made the assumption that the aufience already knew about Elisabeth as a historical figure to some extent, which is fair enough but I missed out on three years of highschool history so I knew literally nothing, like Rudolf's suicide was a huge surprise to me. And it spared me the disappointment of watching the full musical for the first time without getting to hear my second favorite song, Wenn ich tanzen will. That being said, I do vastly prefer the 1992 version simply because the cast is the definition of perfection. I have yet to see or hear an actor that managed to do a better with Lucheni than Ethan Freeman, and ohhhhh you shouldve seen how insane I was about Uwe Kröger's Tod after I first watched that proshot

Of course I also loved Pia Douwes, Andreas Bieber and Else Ludwig but I just feel a little less strongly about them because I think they usually do a pretty good job casting Elisabeth, Rudolf and Sophie, whereas I feel like they struggle to cast actors for Lucheni and Tod that manage to live up to the original cast even a little. Its definitely less bad with Lucheni, the main issue I have with most of his actors besides Ethan Freeman is that none of them ever even try to do an italian accent (probably because they cant do a good one which is good, no accent is definitely better than a bad one in this case, but still) so all the italian bits of dialogue sound really unnatural imo. But with Tod its like, straightup i dont even know what on earth theyre trying to do most of the time, but it very rarely works for me.

Now, the eagle-eyed of you will have noticed that ive talked about the 1992 proshot and the 2005 proshot but not the 1998 proshot, even though I mentioned it at the very start of this section. Thats because i FUCKING HATE IT!!!!! No just kidding, its mostly the same as the 1992 production except it has the longer version of Nichts, nichts, gar nichts and the cast is a bit worse. Its actually kind of impressive because thinking back on it, I feel like literally every actor was just the slightly worse knockoff version, with the exception of Maya Harkvoort as Elisabeth. And thats not to say that theyre bad, I just like them less than the original cast and I dont think they make any interesting acting choices to make up for it. And then theres the guy who played der Tod, whose name I am not looking up because Im about to get mean and I'll feel less bad about that if I dont use his actual name. He just sounds so bad. Hes like Uwe Kröger from an alternate universe where he cant sing. And to be fair, Im pretty sure this is the same guy as the one who played Tod on the 1996 cd and hes literally unbearable on that one, so he has improved quite a bit, but it just wasnt enough.

I remember a while ago when all my Elisabeth-mutuals reblogged this gifset of 1998!Tod and I dont remember if I only liked it or if I reblogged it as well but whatever I did, I did it with gritted teeth because I had recently watched that proshot and hated his performance. Everyone was going #woa mama hes serving cunt and in my head I was just like "yeah, but hes not serving a good performance thoughhhhhhhh". Also, he literally looks and has a lot of the same mannerisms as uwe!Tod, I'd be gravely disappointed if he didnt serve cunt

So yeah, its not like, awful or anything but I think the 1998 proshot is really only worth watching if you wanna see Maya Harkvoort as Elisabeth but in a pre-2001-changes production

The 1999 Schevening Production

Now THIS is an awful Elisabeth production! I hated this fucker so much I didnt even bother rewatching it for this post. Fortunately I did write a little review of it immediately after watching it, so if you care about my fresh 1999 Schevening Production Thoughts, feel free to scrawl through the bog that is my blog to find it

The first (and pretty much only) thing that you need to know about this one is that they cut all of the political songs. So theres no Hass, no Jedem gibt er das Seine, no Milch im pretty sure, and definitely no Die Schatten werden länger Reprise. Honestly I might be missing a cut song or two here because they somehow managed to shave a whole half an hour off this thing. I would be impressed by how they managed to do that without rendering the story completely incomprehensible if I wasnt so busy being angry at the way they just completely gutted this musical. I dont even understand why they did it, the musical is SO MUCH obviously worse for it! Like, okay, I could kinda get it if they had just cut Hass since thats obviously the most uncomfortable song (i would think less of them for it, but I would get it, the takarazuka version does it too) but them cutting the other political songs is just baffling to me because its like. bro. its politics from the 1800s, how is that upsetting or discomforting nowadays?

Whatever, lets talk about some other stuff. The cast was mostly not remarkable enough for me to remember ~1 year later. Pia Douwes is here as Elisabeth and shes very good as always, thats kindof it. This version of Der Tod is the most aggressive and overtly antagonistic Ive seen, which was kinda interesting in the sense that Death is usually personified as a straightfoward villain and vienna!Tod was kind of a subversion of that and a little more complex and now this production is basically subverting the subversion, but I untimately wasnt all that into it

I remember initially quite enjoying the sets and overall style of this production, Im pretty sure in my original review I said something along the lines of "I like the symbolism and abstractness of the original production, but its neat seeing a more literal take on it" and now Im just like. chuckles nervously, Okay guys, its been fun, can we go back to the symbolism. please.

So yeah, I really dont think this one is worth watching unless youre a hardcore Pia-stan or youre just really committed to watching every version of Elisabeth: das Musical you can get your hands on, like meeeeee <3

The 2004 Budapest Production

This is a really good one! I actually rewatched it for this post and I was excited to do so. I dont have too much to say about it though, in terms of story its fairly similar to the Vienna productions except that it has Kein Kommen ohne Gehen and the conspiracy song and der Tod has a bit more of a romantic vibe. Actually, i think a better way of describing it is, its like the takarazuka production but un-takarazukafied, which might not make that much sense if you havent seen both of these especially considering I havent talked about the takarazuka production yet. But what I mean is, both of these productions focus a lot more on the hungarian revolution-side of things and make it into more of a proper subplot, and the way they do it is mostly structurally the same (as in, new scenes/songs are inserted at mostly the same points in the narrative) but takarazuka version is a lot more glitzy and overdramatic where this production is a lot more grounded. I dont really prefer one over the other because the approaches are so different that I feel like they cant really be compared. I do like that they do that overall and I really like the conspiracy song for drawing additional parallels between Rudolf and Elisabeth, even though I know its not historically accurate, although I will say that it feels a little bit off in this production which otherwise does seem to be going for historical accuracy. Like, it doesnt bother me at all in the takarazuka production just because i feel like that one takes so many liberties that it doesn't really stick out, but even here, its not the biggest deal to me

Anyway, other stuff. The stage feels weirdly small, but I really like the sets, they lean a bit more towards being literal rather than symbolic but they do some really cool stuff with them, I especially like the way they'll spin essentially the whole set sometimes, it makes for some very interesting and dynamic staging. The performances were great, obviously Szabó P Szilveszter as der Tod was amazing, he has such a beautiful and powerful voice, and I also loved Janza Kata as Elisabeth. I feel like she played it a bit angrier than Im used to, like you can really feel her her frustration at the world around her even early on during Wie Du, and its so good. mwah

This production is the first one that Ive ever liked Franz Joseph in even a little. With him Im usually like "goddddd he sucks so much, i literally cant believe they got married" from the very start, but with this guy I was like "oh..... hes kinda cute, I get what Elisabeth sees in him" during So wie man plant und denkt and Nichts ist schwer. And I was initially worried that I only thought that because they didnt give him that historically acurrate haircut that the Vienna productions give that looks really bad and stupid, however I have since seen the takarazuka productions where they also give him a better haircut, and out of all the performers Ive seen Ive only liked two, so. yay! Im not shallow as fuck! Although I will reiterate that that era was truly a dark age for men's hair, I have such a viscerally negative reaction to most of those styles. And ugh, dont even get me started on the facial hair...... So yeah, while the haircut is not my only reason for liking him so much, it does help quite a bit

I will say, I noticed quite a few lyrics that I didnt really like. Or rather, because I dont speak hungarian so i dont actually know what the lyrics are and have to go off the subtitles and other translations, I dont like the sentiment behind them regardless of whether the lyrics sound good when you can properly understand them, if that makes sense. Like, the last line of Kein Kommen ohne Gehen was something like "You will be my queen of the night forever" and I just dont like that idea fundamentally, like my opinion of what this line is communicating wouldnt change if it was communicating it in a different way. But there werent too many lines that bothered me like that and most of them are not particularly (negatively) memorable, they just made me frown a lil as I was watching and then I basically immediately forgot about them.

So yeah, its really good and I'd definitely recommend watching it if you havent already

The Takarazuka Production(s)

That's referring to. all of them. I have seen all the normal proshots from 1996 to 2018, all the concert proshots and I have seen a few of the shinjinkoen ones as well (not all or even a lot of them bc theyre very hard to find unfortunately). Fortunately, theyre fundamentally all the same, the only big change that they ever made was adding Wenn ich tanzen will in 2002, and they change the costumes sometimes but thats it, so I dont have to get into every single individual production. Atleast not right now, I might at least compare the different Tod-performances because there are some striking differences, but that would be for a different post

I went on a bit of a journey watching all these different proshots, the first one I saw was the 1996 Star one and I absolutely loved it, then I watched a few more and I started noticing some issues which caused me to start disliking it, but then I watched some more and came around to liking it again. Its like, I have all these criticisms and complaints but I dont really think about those as Im watching it, Im just kinda along for the ride and having a good time and then when Im like, on a walk and I randomly start thinking about Elisabeth: Ai to Shi no Rondo I go "man, theres a bunch of shit here that sucks"

So yeah, lets talk about the shit that sucks, from Bothers Me Most to Bothers Me Least

It feels like they tried to make der Tod the protagonist instead of Elisabeth by giving him more stagetime and also giving him like three reprises of Ai to Shi No Rondo, effectively replacing the Ich gehör nur mir melody as the most important one, which I dislike on principle, but it also just plain doesnt work. Like, theyre trying to make this guy a protagonist with a rich inner world but first of all, hes supposed to be a personification of aspects of Elisabeth's (and Rudolf's) inner world and second of all, even as a more straightforward and human-seeming romantic character, his whole appeal is that you cant really know his inner world because hes mysterious like that and ultimately nonhuman, so all you can get out of him here is shallow little songs about his feelings for Elisabeth that are really bland and boring. Also, him singing about his love for Elisabeth so many times (and at such inappropriate moments like directly after she considered killing herself and at her sons funeral) makes him seem unbearably pathetic, but that actually doesnt bother me that much because I think its very funny

This version is definitely a lot more sanitized with there being no Hass, Kitsch and Kitsch Reprise being heavily altered to be less poignant, the bigger focus on Tod's romantic nature and Elisabeth's rougher edges being sanded down. The colorful costumes and sets also just make it feel like more of a silly fun time which contributes to the sanitized-ness imo. In a way, its kinda like the Scheveningen prod except this one went about its sanitization with surgical precision, where that one just started senselessly chopping off limbs

This version is very sillygoofy, thats the best word for it. This is my last complaint because if you catch me in the right mood this isnt even a complaint, this is just an aspect of the show that I think is fun and that I like a lot, but if you catch me in a different mood then boy will I complain. I dont really know how to properly explain this one in a concise way to someone who hasnt seen it. Instead of that little scene of some hungarians gossiping about little Sophie after Stationen einer Ehe, we get a scene of some hungarians being upset at the austrian empire and planning to stage a protest next time Elisabeth and Franz Joseph come to do some kind of assembly (? i guess) and then the assembly happens and they do the protest and the imperial guards shoot up into the air to intimidate them into stopping and then Franz Joseph turns to Elisabeth like "cmon, we gotta leave" but shes like "no wait" and she takes of her cloak (shes been wearing a cloak that hides her whole body basically this entire time btw), revealing her dress which is hungarian flag-colored and then she says "Éljen, Hungary!" and the crowd goes wild!!!

That scene is the sillygoofiest thing that happens in this production, nothing tops it, all the other sillygoofy bits are more subdued in their sillygoofiness, but still, I feel like its a good scene to use as an example of this show's sillygoofiness. Also, whenever I think about scenes in this show that are sillygoofy I always think of the scenes that are part of the whole hungarian revolution-subplot. Theyre actually not that tonally different from any of the other parts of this show, like obviously they would be absolutely hilarious if you just inserted them into the original austrian production or the hungarian production as they are, but they dont stick out within the takarazuka production itself, yknow what I mean? They've made enough subtle changes to the original material that the things that they added (which would otherwise seem incongruous with that material) dont immediately stick out.

All of this to say, I think the people who have tried to adapt this musical into the 'takarazuka style' have done an excellent job at it, but I could definitely see people who are fans of Elisabeth das Musical not really enjoying it because of that, unless theyre like me, and can be momentarily distracted from its flaws by virtue of featuring a bunch of beautiful women singing beautifully for 2 and a half hours. But if that sounds good to you, I would 100% recommend it because its a fun and very well-made time. I dont have a specific proshot that I would recommend over the others, but I will say that I have a huge soft spot for the 1996 Star one because its the first one i saw and I absolutely adore Asaji Saki's Tod, and for the 2009 Moon one because thats the one I spent a bunch of time making german subtitles for to show my parents

Okay, before I move on to talking about the next production, I just have one more thing to say, or rather ask: why are the takarazuka and hungarian productions so similar? They both premiered in the year 1996 (and there was no pre-takarazuka japanese prod to my knowledge) so it seems impossible to me for one to have taken from the other, and from what I can tell, the changes that are specific to both of these productions and that dont really appear in any others (except for the toho production but we'll get to that) have existed in both of them from the start, so like, how did that happen, what overlap was there between their creative teams because there must have been something or else they wouldnt have turned out so similar? So yeah, if anyone reading this knows more about the behind the scenes history of these productions, please tell me about it, Im very curious

The 2016 Toho Production (White Cast)

Its kinda funny going from the Takarazuka section where I had seen literally as many of them as I could physically get my hands on, to this one where Im just like "yeah, Ive just seen the one that Im pretty sure is the most popular one, its atleast the one I see people post gifs of the most". To be fair, I think theyve only released 6 or 7 proshots even though theyve been putting it on since 2001, god knows why

Whatever, this production is really good and I like it a lot. The songs are overwhelmingly the same as they were in the takarazuka production, although theyve made some changes to the ones that were the most different to make them more like they were originally. Thats honestly a good way of describing this production as a whole; if the Budapest one felt like the takarazuka one but completely un-takarazukafied, this one was like, 50% un-takarazukafied. I was really debating with myself what percentage I would say there, because while the changes are for the most part subtle and the overall sillygoofiness remains intact for the most part, they did keep Kitsch the same and they kept Hass the same which was honestly shocking to me, I was kind of expecting them to censor it somehow or atleast tone it down or something, which is why I was actually looking at the screen during this version for once (Hass usually gives me horrible intrusive thoughts and I usually watch musicals on my tv so I cant just skip ahead, so if Im watching it and its a language I dont speak I just look away for a bit, and if Im watching it in german I'll just leave the room for a bit) but uh. they dont, and not only that but they put a gigantic swastika flag on the stage that takes up basically the entire screen and just gives me the worst intrusive thoughts. And honestly, even though this caused my brain to torment me for like two weeks, Im glad they did it because Hass really isnt a song you should try to censor or downplay, you either do it or you just dont even try. Anyway, my point here is, because that alone was SO un-takarazukalike, I was originally going to say that this production was 80% un-takarazukafied, but then I thought about it some more and I was like "well yes, but then they also added that bit to that already-sillygoofy scene where Elisabeth reveals that her dress is hungary-colored to the crowd where Batthany tried to assassinate her at Tod's behest, so. i gotta lower that percentage I think" and thats how I ended up with that number

Anyway, time to talk about some stuff that isnt the tone and how it compares to other productions. I really liked the sets, theyre leaning more towards being symbolic, although I will say that the symbolism felt a bit more simplistic compared to the Vienna productions. Still, how can i deny the sheer effect of just having like half of the stage taken up by three gigantic coffins? I feel like there are so many scenes that were kindof elevated for me because I was just like "ohhhh theyre singing about this thing while standing on this gigantic coffin and it symbolises that death is all around them and the monarchy is built on death and theyre in the midst of this dying era". One example of this is in the Jedem gibt er das Seine scene, they do it exactly like you would expect, they dont do a carousel-thing like the Vienna production, but they put Franz Joseph and his desk and his whole entourage on those coffins and then the mother comes in below them on the stage, and its just so good, I dont know what to say

I dont have too much to say about the cast, it was pretty good all around, the only thing that I can remember rn is that I thought Hanafusa Mari as Elisabeth was a bit off. Specifically whenever she had to be sad, I just never quite bought it, but I did like her whenever she was happy or glad or during Wenn ich tanzen will when she was all spiteful, and obviously her voice was absolutely beautiful. Shirota Yu as der Tod was also great, he plays it like a real freak, he actually reminded me a lot of Matè Kamaras except I like this guy more because I feel like hes not constantly hissing and growling

So yeah, it's a good production that I would definitely recommend checking out if you can

The 2009 Antwerpen Production

I never thought I'd see a version of Elisabeth: das Musical that I would consider to be basically completely uninteresting, but those freaks over in belgium somehow managed to make it

But before I get into that, I want to tell you something about my experience watching this one (and also the Scheveningen one). So, the only languages I can speak and understand fluently are german and english, so I need subtitles in order to understand all of the non-austrian productions. However, I couldnt immediately find subtitles for the Scheveningen prod and I didnt even really try to look for them that hard because I thought "eh, it doesnt matter, i know this musical inside and out and I'll probably be able to atleast kindof of understand the lyrics without subtitles anyway" because in my head I just kinda think of german and dutch as being very similar because germany and the netherlands are geographically close, even though they really arent, so I ended up watching it just not understanding the vast majority of the words. But again, I know this musical very well so it really didnt matter, although I was a bit disappointed because I was expecting to have an interesting experience listening to this musical in a language that I can somewhat understand but that is also clearly not a language that I can actually speak, do you know what I mean? Anyway, smash cut to like a year later and Im on vk.ru looking for musical proshots to download and I stumble upon this one. Because antwerpen sounds kinda german to me I assume its a german-language proshot I hadnt heard of before so I dont look for subtitles and I just watch it as is, and Im very surprised when it is not in fact german. But I feel like I can kinda understand it, so I just keep watching and I end up having that I expected to have with the dutch proshot with this one which I think is flemish (?). I'm not sure, I dont recognize this language and when I looked it up to see if anyone online knew what it was, all I got was someone on reddit being like "idk, its probably flemish" so

Anyway, back to the actual review part of this whole thing. Why do I find this to be the most uninteresting version of this musical? In a lot of ways, its basically just the 2005 Vienna production except flatter; a lot of the physical sets have been replaced by screens, the performances are all good albeit pretty unremarkable otherwise, the few times they deviate from the Vienna production are fine but also unremarkable to the point that I dont feel like going into detail about them, and the costumes felt worse somehow? Like, theyre not trying to have any kind of symbolism, theyre just historical clothes, which, to be fair, none of the non-Vienna productions that Ive seen so far really try that hard for symbolism with the costumes, I think the reason it stuck out to me here is that its otherwise so similar to the Vienna ones. They dont have a mayerling dress which is immensely disappointing for the same reason, and also now that Ive written that out, Im fully realizing for the first time that literally no production other than the Vienna ones has it and Im getting pretty upset. sighhhhh. when will men-crossdressing enjoyers win

Moving on, while I find the cast mostly unremarkable, I do have a little bit to say about them. I really enjoyed the pathetic wet cat vibes that Jan Schepens brought to Lucheni, especially in the prologue where he has that very brief interaction with Tod, although I will say that I dont like how they made him so unaware of the main plot of the musical. Like, during his little narration bit before Jedem gibt er das Seine he has a newspaper and he has to read it in order to remember that its 1854, I know they do this in some Vienna prods as well and I hate it every time. Because the whole point is, hes just been stuck in this endless loop of retelling this whole story since he died 1898 so by the time youre watching this musical in 2009 or 1992 or whenever, he knows it in and out, thats why he seems so goddamn tired in the 1992 version!!! But other than that hes fine 👍

The other person I have something to say about is der Tod, although its not relly about his performance. His performance is like. in the nicest way possible, the reason i would say hes not literally the worst in terms of singing or cuntserving is that 1998Vienna!Tod and Scheveningen!Tod respectively exist. But while I was watching I was really distracted because I keept thinking "this guy looks so familiar but Im 100% sure Ive never seen him before, he just looks like someone else i know, but who is it that he reminds me of" and then when i got to Mama wo bist du, I realized: he looks so much like one of the guys who played Sebastian in some of the black butler musicals, or atleast my memory of what that guy looks like. And I felt kind of embarassed because I was like "ohhhhhhhh ive enjoyed the concept of Young Boy And Fucked Up Non-Human Have A Relationship Which Is Oddly Soft While Also Being Nothing But Red Flags for way longer than I realized huh" And also, OF COURSE i noticed the similarity in that exact scene, good god

Whatever, theres only one last thing that bothers me and that I wanted to talk about and its Wenn ich tanzen will. I dont like how Tod grabs Elisabeth and manouvers her around like that, which, the choreography here is the same as in the 2005 Vienna production, but I didnt fully realize just how much it bothered me until watching this one so Im talking about it here. I was originally going to do a whole analysis about how I dont think it fits the song very well and thats the reason I dont like it, but upon thinking about it, I think it works well enough. Yknow the contrast between Elisabeth being so defiant and refusing to give into him even though its clear that she knows hes right about all the stuff hes saying and her compromising physical position, and also how it lays bare that der Tod has no real power because hes ultimately a manifestation of her wants, thats all pretty good tbh

No, the reason I dont like this choreography for Wenn ich tanzen will is that its sexual in a way that I dont appreciate because the woman is in the submissive position. Its like. okay so, you know those dark romance/romantasy books about a 17-20 year old girl falling for a ~500 year old guy with overpowered shadow magic and having a bunch of sex with him that are really popular right now and also really popular to make fun of? Well, I used to really like hanging out in the making-fun-of spaces until I realized that people were getting really puratanitical about what people are 'allowed' to write and the extent to which authors are 'responsible' for imparting 'good messages' to their 'impressionable audience' which, these books are not usually categorized as YA, theyre pretty clearly aimed at women who are 18 and up and even if they are, teenagers are not that impressionable but Im not getting into that rn which bothered me, not just because I fundamentally dont agree with that, but also because my issue with them is not that theyre presenting relationship dynamics that are problematic in the sense that the age gap is too big or the power gap is too big or that theyre abusive or whatever, but that theyre presenting relationship dynamics that are problematic in the sense that theyre extremely sexist

And like, to an extend this is just an issue with mainstream romance books as a whole which is why I dont really read them, and Im not saying that anyone who enjoys them is sexist or bad, its just that it personally discomforts me to the point of killing my enjoyment in things like large age gaps or crazy power dynamics, which, for the record, I do genuinely really enjoy! I just dont like it when its like "oh the virginal teeny tiny girl whos barely legal gets with the biggest most bigdicked most powerful ancient MALE to ever exist and whos lowkey highkey abusive", but if a book like that came out where the genders were reversed and it was a cute barely legal ingenue boy and an ancient powerful evil woman, I would not only not have an issue with that, I would find it extremely hot. or if it was gay in some capacity which, books that are exactly like typical romantasy books but gay probably do exist, but I dont really see people discuss them as much, so. My point here is, the typical romance/romantasy relationship dynamic just feels like a model of the patriarchy except its two people instead of like, all of society, and I dont like that and I feel similarly about this Wenn ich tanzen will choreography. Like, its not quite the same feeling but I have trouble articulating my exact discomfort with it, so Im comparing it to a different kind of discomfort that I have with something else that I am capable of articulating.

So yeah, its a fine enough Elisabeth production. watch it if you want, dont watch it if you dont want

Aaaaaaaand thats it. I know Im still missing a couple of korean proshots that I havent seen yet because I havent been able to find subtitles for them, so if theres any korean-speakers in the audience who would be willing to make and share them, I would appreciate it. If no one wants to share them, there is a website called lyricstranslate where people can submit translations of any song into any language, and the korean lyrics are on there so if Im really lucky, someone has translated all of them into a language i know and i can make my own subtitles with those. But Im still working on making a subtitle file for the 2004 Budapest proshot (the version thats available with subtitles on the internet archive is hardsubbed and I'd like the option of having softsubs), so thatll have to wait. I also downloaded a video of the 2001 Essen production, I dont know if thats a proshot or a complete bootleg but I'll watch that one eventually too and if I can muster up the motivation, maybe I'll even write reviews for those as well

Anyway, how many of these have you seen and what did you think of them? Please tell me in excruciating detail, I love reading other peoples Elisabeth-thoughts

[dandelion-wings]

Sometimes you're trying to go to bed and then the brain gremlins pin you down right then and demand that you write something up that you haven't even thought about in six months. I don't know why. There are like six versions of this AU and none are good coherent cores for a larger story so this isn't really a fic, even, but the brain gremlins wouldn't let me sleep, so have a Vision-swap AU with a particularly nasty canon-divergence premise, and dear gremlins please let me sleep now.

---

Diluc's Vision comes to him in the midst of a fight with Kaeya.

It's the first time he's fought Kaeya, ever, since he took his little brother into his care. He's hurt Kaeya enough by accident, every time Father told him to help him dress, to braid his hair, to spar with him, to give him a hug- he's hurt him enough that he's never thought, ever, that he would *want* to hurt him, having seen him scream so often under Diluc's touch.

Kaeya doesn't even deserve to hurt for what he'd said. Why would he have loved Father? Why would he have loved Mondstadt?

But *Diluc* hurts, a horrible screaming inside him desperate to get out, setting papers and paintings and molding aflame, in his father's office that had never been fire-proofed and as a consequence he'd never before been allowed inside. So when Kaeya says what he says, all he can think to do is to swing his blade and let the fire rage.

The rain doesn't cool his fury. The Vision, or the thing that at that moment he still thinks is a Vision, only burns hotter, as it always does. The only way not to be consumed by its Pyro is to turn it outward. So Diluc Vaporizes the very air around him, watching Kaeya retreat from the hiss of scalding steam, stumbling and slow with the old burn on his leg and the eye that Diluc hasn't melted wide with belated fear. Diluc advances, panting in the heat.

"He took you in when you would have died otherwise," he says, a low hoarse growl, leveling his blade.

Kaeya stares back at him, fear fading out of the eye, flame-scarred arms dropping to his sides. "I wish I had," he says, level and cold, the words twisting like a knife in Diluc's gut. "I would rather have been dead then been *here*."

Fury drives Diluc forward, sweeps his blade up, brings it down. Fury and fire, dancing through him, flickering over the abestos-laced wool of his coat, dancing over his own scarred hands and the blade he bears, the dull vicious roar of a fire he's never been able to control. Kaeya steps back, trips, falls, lies on his back, looking up, dully resigned-

And at the last moment Diluc manages to regain control, tamp the fire down, turn the blade away. He's spent so many years setting Kaeya on fire, not allowed to stop trying, not allowed to stop *touching*, not allowed to give up and set the thing he thinks until that moment is a Vision aside. Because Father was so certain that if his failures kept hurting someone he loved, eventually he would learn control.

But Father isn't here now, to scold him for refusing to try for control. Father isn't here to make him hurt Kaeya. He doesn't have to. He doesn't want to.

Uncontrolled, what the Pyro wants to burn is *him*. It struggles to catch on the fire-damping overcoat, in the wet air, but it burns merrily in his hair even in the rain. Diluc does his best to drag it into his own flesh. He's used to such scorching heat.

What he isn't used to is cold. Sudden, damping, bone-deep cold, spreading out across the cobblestones at his feet, stiffening his steam-soaked coat, putting out the Pyro in his hair and the Pyro on his skin and the Pyro at his hip, freezing solid around the dull red glow until it's nearly invisible beneath layers of ice. Diluc's claymore slips from his hand, and another weight settles into his palm in its place.

Diluc looks down and sees Kaeya sitting up, wide-eyed this time with astonished relief, and the pale gleam of Cryo glinting in his hand.

***

Jean's Vision comes to her while she's pursuing justice for Diluc.

More specifically, it comes to her while Il Dottore is standing over her, gloating. She should never have followed him alone to Dragonspine, however suspicious his quiet talk with Eroch was, however desperate she is for evidence that links the Fatui to the distorted imitation of a Vision that Master Crepus had inflicted upon Diluc.

She can see the shape in her own head, the three-part triangle, Master Crepus' friendship with the Inspector, the Inspector's quick willingness to fete the Fatui, the Fatui supplying that awful device to feed Crepus' ambitions for his son. But seeing it herself means nothing without proof. Il Dottore killed Ursa the Drake and become a local hero, Inspector Eroch has made public apologies for letting Diluc's lack of control go unexamined, and Master Crepus is dead and safe for everyone else to revile without asking inconvenient questions about his friends.

And now she's here, at the bottom of a steep dead-end pit just within the walls of Dragonspine, looking up at Il Dottore as he weaves vines back and forth across its entrance.

"Too bad," he says, smiling wickedly behind his piebald mask. "The up-and-coming cavalry captain, top candidate for the next Master of the Knights, vanishing into the snow on Dragonspine. What a shame."

"You won't get away with this," Jean says, the words hollow even as she says them. He will get away with this. No one knows where she's gone. She'd been in such a hurry she hadn't even told Kaeya.

"Won't I? It will be an interesting experiment to see how long Sheer Cold takes to kill an unaltered, physically fit adult. You're the first test subject of this caliber I've had a chance to study up here."

Jean feels stick to her stomach. She's heard the rumors about the Fatui's trafficking; she can only guess what other *test subjects* he might have dragged up here, to this mountain the Inspector had long since advocated be blocked off and left alone. How long have the Fatui been visiting Dragonspine? What have they done?

What are they doing here right now? Jean tries to focus. Her fingers and toes are already painfully cold. She has no evidence, and now she won't have any evidence--but if she can find anything out at all, maybe she can leave a record. There's just enough bend in the tunnel that if she nestles at the very blocked-off end, she could, perhaps, write in the snow. If the Knights ever come here again, if a Fatuus doesn't look down here first, she can at least create a record.

She can't just lie here and docilely freeze.

"What sort of experiments have you done?" she says, trying her best to sound curious and not merely horrified.

Il Dottore's red eyes sparkle with his laughter. "Good try, Captain, but I'm not one of your pitiful alchemists, desperate for attention. The only interest or approval I care about comes from the Tsaritsa. Yours is worthless to me." He reaches down, stroking his hand over something hanging just inside his coat. "Test subjects don't need to know what's happening. The data is better that way."

Jean leans forward, her eye caught by that movement, by the not-quite-orb he's touching. Green, the color of Dendro--a Vision? Except that it's a darker green, and duller, despite a faint light from within. Dark and dull like Diluc's device had been, once she and he had broken the case and scraped off the layer of paint. She presses herself up against the thick vines, watching avidly as he turns, trying for a better look-

Yes. There. The same four-lobed symbol as on that thing that Crepus had claimed was a Vision, and Diluc had never known he could put down.

If she can take that off of him, off a Fatuus, then she has *proof*. Her three-part triangle confirmed.

If she can get through the vines, which seems impossible. Jean takes a deep breath and reaches out to grasp the vines. She may not be able to pull them apart, but she would be undeserving of her title as a knight if she didn't give it her best effort. Il Dottore doesn't move to stop her, just looks amused.

And in the curl of a vine, something red shines, not dark and dull but warm and bright.

Jean snatches the Vision up, hope and determination flooding through her, as the heat of Pyro soaks through her skin and banishes the cold.

***

Kaeya's Vision comes to him in the moment he chooses not to kill Jean.

The order came a week ago. He tries not to resent getting orders only now, after the six years he thought he was forgotten, abandoned to Crepus' plans and regular burns and an ever more restrictive life as he grew more and more embarrassing for Crepus to let out in public. It hadn't been until Jean brought him to the city that the first one had arrived.

For six years the Abyss Order--his father--hadn't acknowledged his existence, because he hadn't been useful to them in the way they'd hoped. But at the same time, at least they're acknowledging him now.

And he has been useful. People talk in taverns, and he's learning gradually from Margaret what to do and say, and from Diona what not to, in order to get them to relax in his presence and pay him no heed. Once they're in their cups, they all talk, knights and merchants, sisters of the Church and the hunters of Springvale, and he smiles and listens and brings them more until they've said all they're conscious enough to say. He doesn't know how much of it has value, but the orders keep coming, a particular person to cultivate, a particular set of questions to ask, so some of it must mean something.

This order, though, is different. He's spied on Jean before, pried plenty from her, taken advantage of her trust and her guilt and her desperate desire to make his life better, as if she owes it to him in Diluc's place. He's sent all of that along without remorse. He has no compunctions about betraying Mondstadt's defenses through her.

He didn't think he would have compunctions about this. He knew that the Abyss Order would strike, eventually. He knew that people would die. Especially knights. Especially high-ranking ones. But... why her?

Which is a stupid question. Kaeya knows why. It's because she's the one he has access to.

She hasn't even woken up as he's come padding into her room. He tries to be quiet, but he knows he isn't silent--the leg Diluc lamed by pure accident, a hand on his ankle to try and tug him out of a boar's path and unmeant flame arising at the touch, makes his step heavy on that side no matter how he tries. It's familiarity that keeps her sleeping.

Familiarity and trust. Kaeya may not have a knight's training, but he's made himself useful to her as a tactician, and spent the last year a regular presence in her house.

He looks down at her, eyes closed, breathing slow and even, a sliver of moonlight slanting in through the window to slash along the underside of her chin. Almost a guide for his own cut, if he chooses to go for the throat.

It would be fastest. Kindest. Least likely to get him set on fire in her last moments, he tells himself, trying to be cynical, but the truth is that Jean locks her Vision very carefully away in a chest at the foot of the bed when he's here, and he doesn't know if Visions work from that far away. The thing Diluc had wouldn't be proof even if Diluc had ever thought, had ever dared his father's wrath, to set his aside.

Jean hadn't hesitated to set it aside the first time she saw him flinch away, and every single time they've been together since.

The knife is heavy in Kaeya's hand, the grip growing slick with sweat. He takes another step forward, towards the bed, and stops.

He owes nothing to Mondstadt. Jean is a Knight of Favonius, the butchers of the Cataclysm, the Ordo that turned their gaze away from anything that happened on the Dawn Winery that some brave maid might happen to report. That she is personally kind to him, personally his friend, doesn't change that. This is for Khaenri'ah's future.

He wishes the Abyss Order had asked him to assassinate anyone else.

The knife, heavy in his hand, slips from his sweat-slicked palm and thuds dully against the floor. Jean stirs, pushing the covers back, blinking blearily. "Kaeya?" she asks, voice blurred with sleep, and he clenches his fist around the knife-hilt's phantom weight, only to feel the bite of something like metal against his palm.

Kaeya opens his hand, holding it out in front of Jean like an offering, letting her be the first person to see the Anemo shining in his hand.