#I had just gotten into TMA when I wrote this so there’s a lot of eyes

[owls-and-bees]

This is the only Fyolai fic I’ve ever written but I’d love to write more for them

Title: the eccentricities of flirting with a customer

Words: 1,713

Nikolai Gogol's pathetic attempt to win over his reserved customer.

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In his many years of writing, fyodor found that he got the best work done in the quaint cafe down the street from his apartment. The place was small and rather quiet, and unlike his own apartment, there were no loud neighbors to distract him from his work.

It held the constant scent of fresh baked pastries and coffee, and the only distraction to be seen was the oddly dressed barista who always seemed ecstatic that fyodor had come back once again.

The man had long white hair, tied into a braid behind him. With some shorter pieces in the front to frame his face.

One eye was bright green, the other a pale gray, with a scar across it. Fyodor found himself wondering how exactly that scar was created. And his clothing, despite being mostly black and white, had red accents mixed in which fyodor took to be his favorite color.

From time to time, fyodor felt the man’s eyes on him. The place never seemed to have many customers, so he assumed there wasn’t much else to do besides check up on whoever came in.

The interesting thing about the barista, was that he never seemed to mind being caught staring.

Fyodor would occasionally feel those eyes burning into him. He'd look up, expecting to see the man’s mismatched eyes darting away, for him to pretend to be working instead of watching.

Rather, the small, oblivious smile that always seemed to rest on his face just widened and he kept those eyes trained on fyodor.

Most might find this behavior disconcerting, but fyodor found it interesting. He couldn’t help but smile to himself at the eccentricity of the man behind the counter. The Baristas stare was in no way creepy or uncomfortable. It didn’t feel like the gaze of a person undressing another with their eyes.

Rather, it was that of someone who found the actions of the other interesting, it was simply observation in its purest form. And that burning gaze that followed him so often served as a comfort in some sense. Like no matter how much changed in fyodor's own life, he would still have that one constant of those pretty eyes observing his every move.

The barista of course, had his own reasons for this watching.

Nikolai had worked in this coffee shop for quite a while, generally with little to no care about the patrons of the place

It was just a good way to make some money.

That is, until the reserved author he now knew to be named Fyodor began visiting regularly.

The man had a peculiar air about him, which was only partly on account of his appearance. He had shoulder length black hair which fell into his face, clearly often enough he didn’t care much to fix it. His eyes were an enchantingly deep shade of purple, one that Nikolai got quite lost in. And he wore simple clothing, black slacks and a white button down which draped over his thin frame.

He seemed tense simply being around other people, and always made sure to sit in the furthest corner of the cafe. Despite the fact that the cafe had more than enough seating everywhere else, and rarely had other patrons to take them up.

Nikolai figured he chose that seat specifically, because it had the windows, doors, and barista all in sight. And he was sure to never sit in the seat directly against the wall, but one over, as it made getting in and out quicker.

The barista never could help himself when it came to socializing with the unsocial. It was, more than anything, the need to know what it would take to win them over. Unfortunately, fyodor had made this exceptionally difficult for him.

He had no interest in small talk, usually ignoring Nikolai’s feeble attempts to ask about his day. He sat far from Nikolai, and occasionally looked up at him from behind his laptop with those sharp eyes, like he could see right through Nikolai’s schemes, like he could read his thoughts. Maybe he could, maybe that’s why after all this time coming to the cafe, fyodor never once looked at the cup in front of him.

The cup that every day, Nikolai wrote his phone number on. Often along with a small doodle of some sort, Todays was of a small cat, with a Cheshire grin, drawn in a bright pink marker Nikolai bought with only the hope it would draw the others eye.

Yet every day, fyodor would take the coffee from him, sit down across the room, and stare at that laptop of his.

He only ever drank about half of it, seemingly getting too caught up in whatever he was writing to finish it.

Nikolai once tried to ask what he wrote, but the man gave him a sour look and didn’t answer.

In fact, in all this time, the only thing fyodor had ever said to him was “a small black coffee, please and thank you.”

That was it.

Yet Nikolai felt, for the most part, content with this routine of theirs. Fyodor would come in, and order a small black coffee. Nikolai would try his best to start a conversation, or even make a stupid joke in hopes that fyodor would laugh…

He never laughed.

But that was alright, Nikolai didn’t mind.

Then fyodor would take his coffee, sit far away, and spare Nikolai an occasional glance with those heart stopping eyes.

And Nikolai would wait, in hopes that his strange new companion would finally notice what he wrote on the cup.

He never noticed.

This, Nikolai did seem to mind as time went on.

So, he thought up a plan. One that he thought himself a genius for. The next time fyodor came in, he gave him the wrong drink. He figured that fyodor would take a sip, notice the difference, and finally look at the cup.

However, Nikolai miscalculated something in his plan. The slight affection that fyodor had grown to hold for the odd, foolish, barista who always tried to make him laugh, and stared at him like he was the first person he’d seen in years.

Fyodor took a sip from the overly sweet coffee he had been given in place of the bitter drink he’d become used to. He scowled slightly at the taste, and his eyes shifted off of his computer screen. Not to the cup, and instead to the barista. He noticed the oblivious smile on the man's face, and looked back down to his computer. And maybe it was just the poor cafe lighting, or the reflection of the screens light on his face.

But Nikolai could have sworn there was a small hint of pink on the pale man’s skin. A trick of the eye, he could only assume.

Fyodor didn’t look at the cup, though he did take another sip. Trying his best not to grimace at the taste. Nikolai watched on in pure confusion. As the man who had so pointedly ignored him for so long, for the first time, finished the drink he clearly disliked.

Fyodor then stood up, offered Nikolai a polite smile, and left without a word.

Nikolai let out a loud sigh as soon as the door closed, leaning against the wall and letting himself sink down onto the ground.

‘Is he oblivious or just stupid?’

Despite his frustration, Nikolai couldn’t help the smile that crossed his lips, nor the heat that burned at his face, when fyodor came to mind. He couldn’t help but wonder if fyodor even bothered to learn his name, and truthfully he didn’t care all that much. Because getting even a tiny smile out of that sheltered new friend of his was an achievement.

Friend… that probably isn’t the right word.

What they had could never be described as a friendship… but there was something there.

Regardless, weeks passed and their routine has returned to normal. Nikolai decided not to change Fyodor's drink again, as fascinating as it was to watch the man drink something he hated.

But once again, Nikolai found himself getting bored of their routine. Wanting quite desperately for Fyodor to just look at the cup. At this point he didn’t care much whether fyodor completely ignored his advances, however he at least wanted some sort of attention from the man. Anything to tell him fyodor knew about the writing on his cup.

So, finally reaching his wits end, Nikolai decided on a less subtle course of action to demand a response. Nikolai walked up to the table, and placed a sticky note right onto the face of Fyodor's laptop. Receiving a confused and rather annoyed look from the man.

“I have written my number on your cup every day since you started coming here. Not once have you even glanced at it.”

Nikolai huffed, letting his frustration get the better of him to a man who he hardly knew. But as strange as this approach was, it finally seemed to all click in fyodor's mind. His eyes finally flickered to his cup, and scanned over the numbers, as well as the small drawing of a mouse which sat next to them.

Then, he looked at the note placed on a laptop which he had previously been too shocked to pay any real attention to. It read “go on a date with me.” In a large font, and chicken scratch handwriting.

Without a word, fyodor pushed his laptop in front of the seat closer to the wall, and moved to the further seat.

For a moment, Nikolai thought this was Fyodor's silent way of rejecting his offer, which in retrospect seemed more like a demand. However fyodor looked back up to the man and with the slight tilt of his head, for the first time, spoke something other than his order.

“Well, are you going to sit?” Flicking his eyes from Nikolai, to the empty chair he had previously sat in, and back to Nikolai. And once again, Nikolai could swear that in the poor lighting of the coffee shops Fyodor's face looked slightly red. Though he was sure he looked about the same, as he sat next to the man he’d been observing for so long.

[douglysium]

Episode 12 TMP Quick Thoughts

Housekeeping and Prologue

Hello, this is Douglysium and you might not know me as that guy who wrote over 100 pages of analysis on the Eye (which can be read on Tumblr here (https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/735599414228484097/the-relationships-between-the-dread-powers-the) or Google Docs here (The Relationships Between the Dread Powers: The Eye- Knowledge is Fear and Ignorance is Bliss)) or as that guy who wrote an article on the Extinction (which can be read on Tumblr here(https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/717929126195003392/what-would-avatars-of-the-extinction-be-like-a) and Google Docs here(​What would Avatars of the Extinction be like?: A TMA Speculation)). Suffice to say I might be a bit of a TMA fan. Also, spoilers for TMP up until episode 10. You can read my ramblings on the last episode here (Episode 11 TMP Quick Thoughts).

However, Protocol offers a very unique opportunity and experience for me because I didn’t actually get into TMA until after it was over and I binged all of it. So this is my first time experiencing something even remotely similar to what the original TMA fans probably experienced when waiting for each episode week by week and slowly having to put everything together with the limited information they had. So I decided to throw my hat into the ring since this might be my only chance to do something similar. However, I’m working on some longer form TMA content so I can’t spend as much time on these articles giving a bunch of super detailed thoughts. I will try to keep these short and that inevitably might mean some could have questions about why I think or predict certain things and in those cases I would probably recommend you read at least some of the two articles I mentioned above to get a better idea of where I’m coming from. This also means I won’t be giving you a play-by-play of every single thing that happens in the episode so I encourage you to listen to or read them yourselves and feel free to comment if you feel something is important.

These reviews are probably going to end up focusing mostly on the Entities and their manifestations as they are what I have thought about the most and spent the most time interpreting and there’s been a lot of… interesting theories floating around about how the Entities are manifesting that I want to go over.

Finally, I’m just going to say it right now, spoiler warning for all of The Magnus Archives. I know that Jon and co said one could start with Protocol and be fine, and while that’s probably true, media like this tends to be made in conversation with or take into consideration what came before it in the irl chronology in order to connect them. While I’m sure you could skip The Magnus Archives, I don't really see the point of skipping over it when we are already getting characters from TMA showing up in TMP in Protocol. So to me it’s pretty clear that if we want to understand the full picture of TMP and all the things it is trying to say then we can’t just try to pretend TMA doesn’t exist or scrub it away. Just because you could understand what’s happening without the context in broad strokes doesn’t mean you're getting all the nuances.

These articles are meant to be quick and short so sorry if there’s typos and if I don’t address every possible question or possibility. I don’t want to repeat myself too much in this series outside of the prologue so be sure to skim some of my other articles.

Episode 12 “Getting Off”

I think this episode is definitely one of the more straightforward Protocol episodes we have gotten so far, so hopefully this Quick Thoughts won’t br too long (but knowing me I probably just jinxed it).

We take in the scene through a CCTV in the breakroom of the OIAR at night. The transcripts clarify that Celia is very tired and searching through the cupboards for something and it is quickly made apparent that she is looking for tea and, since the break room has run out, Sam gives Celia a teabag from a secret stash that he apparently has. Sam then asks Celia out on a date and while she is busy at the moment she does show that she is willing to go out with Sam on “Saturday, 6? under the clock at Leicester Square. That work? We’ll go for dinner- well, breakfast- you know what I mean.” Once again, we see that the OIAR jobs appear to be very exhausting and have odd work hours. I also wonder what Celia’s end goal is. Does she genuinely like Sam or does she see him as means to an end. Is Celia here to help Sam and co or is she here to harm them?

As Celia leaves, Alice walks in and proceeds to make fun of Sam for clearly being extremely nervous as he asked out Celia. Alice says “(normal again) You know it’s rude to have absolutely no game? Christ, all these years and you still ask people out like a baby foal learning to tapdance.” A reference to the fact that she and Sam dated at some point, and how Sam probably acted very similarly when trying to ask her out. Sam does point out “Look it worked didn’t it?” which seems like it could be a sort of double meaning. Sam’s nervous approach got Celia to agree to a date but also Alice presumably agreed to go out with him in the past too.

Sam apologizes to Alice for dragging her to the ruins of the Institute only to fund nothing… well nothing Sam and Alice know about since something escaped the Institute. Sam says he’s done with Magnus stuff and Alice responds with “So you’re telling me that if I had a case full of emails with the title “Magnus Institute re: Samama Khalid – Massive Conspiracy” you wouldn’t be tempted?” to which Sam says no before asking “You don’t, though. Do you? That was just, like, a joke. Right?” Alice then says “Come on, for now let’s just focus on getting you as jaded and apathetic as possible.” Considering that Alice does appear to be pretty jaded about listening to the cases and piecing them together this could be related to her point about ignoring the talkers and not getting caught up in thinking too much about what’s happening. 

NORRIS starts expositing the next case

“Claim Review: EL-56920 

Policy Holder: Soho Jack’s Ltd. 

Policy Number: 548651-656 

Policy Type: Employers’ Liability 

Site Address: Soho Jack’s, 9 Carlisle St, London W1D 3BK 

Affected Employee: Ms. Jordan Bennett 

Date of Incident: 9 March 2024 

Incident Location: On site. 

Documentation: Crime Report – Submitted 

Medical Practitioner Report – Submitted 

Incident Book Entry – Submitted First Aider’s Report – Submitted 

Supervisor’s incident Report - Submitted 

HSE communications - Submitted 

Health-And-Safety policies - Submitted 

Employment Contract - Submitted 

Claim Valuation: £1,560,000 Assessment 

Conclusion: Claim Denied Reason: Fraudulent claim (see incident description and police report)”

This, along with some information Jordan mentions later, means Jordan is suing Soho Jack’s Ltd. They go on to say that their lawyer has advised them to cooperate with Soho Jack’s insurance claim as a show of good faith, even if they’re planning on “suing your asses to kingdom-come.” They start recounting an event that occurred on the company’s property and apologize for their terrible handwriting (which we later learn is probably because Mr. Bonzo bit off one of their hands).

They go over how they started working at Jack’s in the spring of 2021 after they had finished Flair Academy. After struggling to find a job they managed to get an interview and then job at the aforementioned Jack’s. The club seems to have a good reputation as Jordan refers to it as “the Soho Gentleman’s club.” The company’s building “...has dances on the bottom two floors with VIP suites for hire above with a dedicated bouncer keeping them separate. Really, it’s just a quieter box with a private bar, some comfy chairs and the option of private dancers.” Despite this being “THE” Soho Gentleman’s club Jordan says “It’s always booked up with swank dickheads trying to show off, but Stags are the worst: they’re cheap, they’re loud, they drink too much, tip too little and only ever hire one dance for the groom. Plus there’s always some “nice guy” that won’t shut up about exploitation without even bothering to stop staring.” 

Jordan begins to explain how the party the specific party that led to them wanting to sue Jack’s. They state that this specific party’s lot was not the worst and were “Just a bunch of heavyset, middle-aged lads with names like Ozzer, or Rozzer or whatever. ” and notes that “The groom was fine, acted embarrassed even though he was obviously keen and they were easily pleased. ”

“They started giving the groom gifts. Same old tat as always, cufflinks, poo gags, all the standard stuff. Then the groom spotted the last one on the table, this cheap yellow and purple kids lunch box. It looked old and shoddy and no one admitted to bringing it but the groom just squealed with glee and carefully opened it before pulling out a bunch old souvenir merch. Pencils, postcards, keyrings, all sorts of crap, all the same yellow and purple and last of all a cracked CD case. When they saw it the whole bunch gave this big laughing cheer.” I have talked about how I think Mr. Bonzo is probably tied to The Stranger if we view him through the lens of Smirke’s 14. I will retread some of those reasons later but right now I want to point out that no one admitted to bringing the Bonzo CD. It could simply be that it’s a prank and someone happened to grab an artifact or something tied to Bonzo, and maybe someone from the OIAR even planted it there, but it could also be connected to the idea of The Stranger and the fear of the unknown because it could be that no one actually knows who got that CD.

We also know that The Stranger is no… stranger to dropping off or delivering strange artifacts in order to feed on the fear of people interacting with unknown /mysterious objects. Breekon and Hope’s delivery service are a good example of this (strangers that show up and drop off never before seen or uncanny objects and artifacts).

“I could see which way the wind was turning and sure enough the bestman came over and asked if he could play it. The cover had this awful comic sans title: “Mr. Bonzo’s On His Way” and I wasn't exactly thrilled by this.” Jordan explains that “Mr. Bonzo was way before my time and from what I had seen online he had always looked pretty messed up. But hey, it was their night, if they wanted to spend it on some cringy nostalgia trip, who was I to say no?” Which could mean that Jordan doesn’t know a lot about Mr. Bonzo, and lack of familiarity with something is one of the things that we know entities like The Stranger love to prey on.

“This kind of thing happened often enough that we kept a battered old CD Player in the back that we could patch into the room's speakers, just in case. So, I ducked back there, put it on, turned the volume down as low as I could get away with, and prayed it wasn’t too obnoxious. Immediately the cheering children’s voices blared out the speakers accompanied by bouncy tubas loud enough to drown out the rest of the club’s music. It was awful but I could hear the lads stamping the floor in rhythm and as the kids started singing the men were singing along: “Mr. Bonzo’s on his way, he wants to stay, he wants to play! Mr. Bonzo’s on his way, he wants to stay, he wants to play!” If you want to listen to the song Jordan is referring to it is actually available on Youtube: Mr Bonzo (from 'The Magnus Protocol'). Maybe you can put yourself in the shoes of an annoyed Jordan or ecstatic old man at the club.

Jordan clearly finds the song annoying and after waiting a minute, in order to avoid being a “total killjoy,” they decide to turn off the song before “ Derek came down from the office to “have a word.” I assume Jordan meant Derek would complain about the music. However, when Jordan turns the CD player off it “...just grew louder, rattling the glassware in the bar: “Mr. Bonzo’s on his way, he wants to stay, he wants to play!” I even yanked the cables from the speakers, but it just kept getting louder.” Obviously, something supernatural is going on but Jordan reasonably assumes that the player just broke and begins to reach for their walkie talkie in order to call for some tech support. However, as they do so they are interrupted by a massive crash coming from another part of the room followed by a cheer. Jordan gets ready to reprimand the party goers for whatever mess they might have made but instead sees Mr. Bonzo. “It was hunched in the doorway, a bulbous figure with a purple hat that cast crazed shadows in all directions thanks to the club’s lighting effects. Then it doffed its hat and pushed itself into the room, foam catching on the doorframe with a squeak that set my teeth on edge. Its massive bulbous google-eyes seemed to roam all over the room before settling on the groom and it was almost as if the huge toothy grin grew wider when it saw him.” We know that Gwen delivered a name and address to Bonzo and in the previous episode Lena even tells Gwen “I’m sure you’ve already worked that out. But just in case you haven’t, keep an eye on the case loads over the next few days. It should become abundantly clear.” Implying that this could be the case Lena was alluding to or that the groom (or someone else in the room) is Bonzo’s target (but it’s almost definitely the groom).

Everyone in the room assumes the appearance of Bonzo is some sort of gift or prank and “The rugby boys were tripping over themselves to get in and hug it, laughing and pushing the groom to the front and so I figured at that point it was a prank. Again, none of them took credit for it and there was a moment of genuine hesitation, until one of them yelled out “It's ya lapdance, Baz!” and they all fell about laughing.” Jordan is furious that a coworker named Joey presumably let Bonzo in and the idea that Joey might have bailed on Jordan again by “ducking out for a smoke.” But as Jordan moves forward they notice something- “I began to stride over, readying for the inevitable complaints then hesitated as I saw something far more unnerving than the ugly costume that was capering with the groom in the middle of the group. There was a pair of heavy boots on their side, poking just inside the still open doorway. Joey’s boots, and they weren't moving. Just then the google eyes looked turned to me, and a puffy finger raised cheekily to its mouth.” So Joey was killed by Bonzo and all the while “the men had all started chanting “Bonzo! Bonzo! Bonzo”, stamping their feet and banging the tables in a circle around the pair in the center…” and the music kept getting louder. So loud that it began to sound distorted from the strain the song was putting on the speakers.

Out of all the Entities the Slaughter seems to have a pretty strong connection to music but The Stranger also has a strong precedent for music. For example, The Calliope in TMA is an artifact tied to The Stranger. In MAG 024 (Strange Music) it is mentioned that the instrument has "Be still, for there is strange music" carved into the cover of the keyboard. While The Slaughter’s connection to music is probably due to an association between rhythm and war (think the marching of an army or the phrase “drums of war”) as well as the fear of “violent” music, The Stranger’s connection to music seems to come from the idea of either strange unknown sounds or a song / sound that sounds really uncanny. It is noted by Jordan that Mr. Bonzo’s song grows louder and more distorted overtime which would mean that the song is becoming more and more incomprehensible as it would slowly change into a song with lyrics you couldn’t understand or identify as easily. It could also be that the song sounds uncanny in the sense that it is familiar in some ways but something is off about it.

Jordan tries to call for help on his walkie talkie but can only hear Mr. Bonzo’s theme blaring out of its tiny speaker. Jordan tries to warn everyone and get out but no one can hear him over the music. Bonzo takes the groom and begins to “dance” with him by spinning around faster and faster until Bonzo decides to rip his arms off and even as this act of gorey brutality took place the other party goers present continued to laugh and laugh until Jordan’s scream caused them to realize this wasn’t some sort of prank. Almost everyone begins to yell in terror but some yelled in rage and proceeded to attack Bonzo: “A few of the bigger guys picked up chairs or bottles and began to beat and slash at the thing. It didn’t seem to notice, its bulbous, bloodshot, eyes staying fixed on the groom’s body as it raised it overhead.” Bonzo then proceeds to continue pulverizing the body by smashing it against the ground over and over.

“For a split second, all was still but the music just pounded on, barely recognizable now over the distortion from the smoking speakers as those voices, no longer childlike, still chanted the words “He’s here to stay… He wants to play…”” “Then Mr. Bonzo turned towards us with its head bowed almost reverentially and everybody went silent. Slowly, awfully slowly, it raised its head, titling it coquettishly to one side. Then the seams across its face split revealing its gaping maw filled with even larger, sharper teeth.” Jordan admits that they don’t remember much about what happened after that but “I dream about it most nights. In the dream it digs through all those men to get to me, grabbing fistfuls of them and throwing them to smash against the wall. The strobe fires as its hands plunge into the pile of us and each flash shows a little less flesh between me and it, between me and all those teeth… finally everyone else is gone. I raise my arm to protect myself and it gently but inexorably lifts it into its mouth, smiles and bites… None of us was left whole but I was the luckiest. All I lost was a hand, it wasn’t even my dominant one.” The biting was set up previously in episode 10 when the transcripts mention “Gwen holds out the envelope and Mr Bonzo snatches it into his mouth, audibly chewing it. His teeth are not soft.”

Jordan says that they “told the investigators everything I know, doctors too. I don't know why nobody outside the room heard or saw anything, why the cameras weren't working, why it let me live. But I do know why there weren't any bodies. All I actually want is my hand back so I can tend bar but that isn’t going to happen is it? So I’ll have to settle for the next best thing and sue you for everything I can get, because I don’t know what happened that night but it was in your venue and no one came to help. Not Derek, not another doorman, no one. So yeah, you’d better have one hell of a settlement waiting for me, or I'll see you in court.”

While you could make an argument for themes of Entities like The Desolation, Flesh, Hunt, etc. I’m still going to primarily argue for Bonzo being tied to The Stranger or a similar Entity due to what we see in his previous appearances. For the sake of clarity, if there is any debate about what The Stranger embodies in MAG 200 it is stated “And as they learned to know their friends and kin, so too did they learn to fear the unknown figure, the coming of the stranger” and in MAG 092 (Nothing Beside Remains) Jonah tells Jon “We thrive on ceaseless watching, on knowing too much. What we face is the hidden, the uncanny, and the unknown.” while in MAG 111 (Family Business) Jon says “The Stranger is the unknown. The uncanny.” and Gerard doesn’t correct him.

However, a lot of Mr. Bonzo’s behaviours in previous episodes resembles The Stranger (and The Stranger has violently attacked or killed people in the past). Mr. Bonzo is also described as being a clown. Something we know The Stranger has a precedent for manifesting as, probably due to both the idea of the uncanny valley being achieved with a costume or makeup and the idea of a traveling circus full of strangers you don’t know from out of town in addition to a clown costume acting as a disguise that can obscure whoever is wearing it. Not to mention that Mr. Bonzo is described as a suit, which could very easily connect to an Entity like The Stranger. Firstly, The Stranger tends to have a big emphasis on wearing things like skins and suits. Additionally, Gwen mentions in episode 11 “That… abomination wasn’t a costume. That was skin. It was sagging, it was sweaty!” and we know The Stranger has a tendency for wearing skin, skinning things (such as with taxidermy), etc. as a form of disguise, in order to hide itself, or to metaphorically rob something of their identity.

This also applies to costumes in general since usually wearing costumes or disguises can actually obscure who is wearing them and thus their true identity is unknown. There’s also the fact that costumes themselves can easily fall into the uncanny valley. Ever since Five Nights at Freddy’s became popular there’s been an uptick in horror media focusing on how creepy and uncanny things like animatronic suits can be. Not that Mr. Bonzo is an animatronic but it is a suit. Also, Bonzo apparently has hard teeth and having solid teeth on a suit could look uncanny.

The surprise gift and sudden appearance of Bonzo that others assume is some sort of surprise or prank could also tie into The Stranger and the idea of something mysteriously appearing or not being expected. Bonzo was originally made to prank celebrities. As Nigel explains in episode 10 that his produce ““inviting a famous person on, someone really serious, and we tell them we’re going to have them do a segment with a popular children’s entertainer. Now, obviously these folks won’t have any idea about what kids are actually watching, so we could come up with the most horrendous thing, claim kids loved it and see how long it took for the guest to realize that they were the joke. That they’d been “berried”” and “The problem with a surprise prank is that doing it on Saturday night primetime means pretty soon everyone knows about it, and the guests knew it was coming. A couple even requested it. So the prank part of it sort of died, and he just became an SOS mascot. One of my many tormentors in the dungeon. By the end we’d even retired Mr. Six, and it was all Bonzo.” Once again, a focus on surprise and I think it’s interesting that Bonzo loses his punch the more people know about and understand him. Bonzo is a character that thrived specifically on the guests not knowing who he was and did. So a potential relationship with the unknown again.”

In episode 10 Nigel says to Gwen ““Try not to stare. He doesn’t like it when people stare.” Which could relate to The Stranger. While all the Entities are connected, overlap, and need each other for a ritual bringing them into the world to work, with even seemingly opposing Entities bleeding into each other or having overlapping fears, The Stranger can often have an antagonistic relationship with The Eye and forms of being known. The Stranger tends to thrive off the fear of being unknown so staring at something aligned with The Stranger might make it react negatively. In MAG 092 (Nothing Beside Remains) Jonah tells Jon “We thrive on ceaseless watching, on knowing too much. What we face is the hidden, the uncanny, and the unknown.” In MAG 165 (Revolutions) Not-Sasha says this in regards to The Eye’s Post-Change world “Do you know how it feels? To be – anonymous? And yet known! To have all the sweetest dread I can create tainted by the relentless gaze of that damned Eye. I’ve suffered enough.” So if my theory that Bonzo is tied to something like The Stranger is correct, that could explain a potentially negative reaction to being looked at for too long since aspects of The Stranger often don’t like it when people try to figure out what they are. This could ring extra true if it does turn out that the OIAR is somehow connected to The Eye.

Bonzo’s eating and biting could potentially be linked to The Stranger’s tendency for odd uncanny behavior, like that time Breekon / Hope ate a butterfly. The fact that this monster looks like Bonzo could also be related to the idea of the uncanny, since he would resemble Bonzo but behave and look a bit off. Also, it seems hard to tell if Bonzo is a costume or a monster resembling a costume which makes it harder to know what he is for sure, and The Stranger loves playing up mystery (think how we never know which character is Breekon and which character is Hope from Breekon and Hope in TMA, and Jon describes one of them as “one half of Breekon and Hope”). Also, Bonzo can only say his name which means you never really know what he’s saying or talking about.

Bonzo killing everyone in the room but leaving someone alive is not a completely unheard of idea. The Entities in general often seem to leave witnesses if in doing so more fear is generated and we see creatures like the Not-Them kill and replace people while ensuring that at least one person remembers what the original persona actually looked like even if no one else does. The reason for this is because if the Not-Them’s disguise was perfect and changed every bit of memory and evidence then there wouldn’t be anyone to be afraid of the idea that someone they know has been replaced by a stranger.

Jordan mentions “I don't know why nobody outside the room heard or saw anything, why the cameras weren't working, why it let me live. But I do know why there weren't any bodies.” which emphasizes his confusion about what’s happening. While confusion is often tied to The Spiral, in this case it stems from a bunch of unknown factors and variables, like why there were no other witnesses and why the cameras weren’t working.” As far as there being no witnesses and the cameras failing to work, the Entities are known for usually being on the downlow and not common knowledge but Entities like The Stranger tend to thrive off the fear of mystery and have a precedent for things like mysterious disappearances or hiding people / things. The Calliope I mentioned earlier mysteriously disappeared from the Institute’s archives at some point in TMA and in MAG 092 (Nothing Beside Remains) Jonah tells Jon “We thrive on ceaseless watching, on knowing too much. What we face is the hidden, the uncanny, and the unknown.” Jonah specifically mentions that The Stranger has a connection to “the hidden” among other things. In MAG 102 (Nesting Instinct) Jonah even says that The Stranger essentially hid Jon from him when saying “I was doing everything in my power to locate you. Everyone was working on finding the ritual site.” and “[Irritated] I am sorry, John, that my powers have not yet reached the level of omniscience.” Jordan does say that they know why there weren’t any bodies which implies that Mr. Bonzo probably ate them.

Jordan having trouble remembering exactly what happened actually does have a precedent with The Stranger since the Entity does have connections to memory loss or a loss of identity. In MAG 165 (Revolutions) we see Not-Sasha watch over a Domain that takes the form of a merry-go-round with people fighting over faces. People with no faces must fight over the faces of others to rip them off and regain some sense of identity. When they lose their face it is said “And soon enough they will forget they ever even had one, rest assured; it’s best to step the dance and keep your face secured as much as you are able. Just. Keep. Running.” Jon and co also face memory loss when they interrupt The Stranger’ ritual in TMA and forget who they are and what they are doing for a period of time.

Some other Entities this statement parallels are that of The Slaughter (with sudden brutal and gory violence), The Flesh (via bodily disfigurement by way of losing a hand, Bonzo being described as releasing “some vile mixture of putrid water, rotten foam and rancid meat.” when cut at some point, and Bonzo biting into people), The End (a lot of people brutally die), The Corruption (from the aforementioned vile mixture pouring out of Bonzo), and even The Eye (with the strange and horrifying dreams Jordan is forced to relive over and over resembling how people who give Jon live statements are forced to relive said moments in the form of nightmares over and over). Like always, I have to at least touch on the fact that The Eye doesn’t seem to just be the fear of being watched but also being a witness to something you don’t want to see. Jon can force people to recount and relive terrible moments, Jonah can force information into the heads of people like Melanie and Martin, and in MAG 200 The Eye is stated to have been born from the fear of one’s own eyes showing them too much.

All this being said, I still think the OIAR is somehow connected to The Eye. There’s the cases being like statements but also the fact that they supply sensitive information (such as names and locations) to things like Mr. Bonzo. People like Jonah could almost always know one’s location thanks to their Eye powers and The Eye is connected to the fear of someone / something knowing too much about you (such as knowing where and who you are). I wonder why Bonzo was sent to kill this particular groom when he was just partying? Did the groom know something or overstep some line or was the groom just some sort of offering to appease Mr. Bonzo? How was this person’s name and address obtained? Was it just mundane tracking or something closer to Jonah’s clairvoyance? Nigel acted like he was doing the OIAR a favor so right now it seems like this was a target decided by the OIAR and not necessarily Nigel. Unless you want to argue that the “favor” is aiding in keeping Bonzo pacified, under wraps, or something potentially more mutually beneficial. I wonder if Jordan’s dreams are somehow connected to being directly involved in a case or facing an External of the OIAR? It could also simply be that Jordan is traumatized.

We cut to Gwen and the transcripts say she “is sat at her desk, stunned by what she has just heard.” and she only says “Jesus Christ…” I wonder if this is because the case is unusually brutal or gorey when compared to most others or if she realized there’s a connection between the letter she delivered and what happens in this case. Considering what Lena said it's very possible that some of the cases the OIAR gets are connected to the activity of their own Externals (such as Mr. Bonzo).

ALICE CONT. 

“Gwen? Hello?”

GWEN 

“(dazed) What?”

Getting sucked into a statement like this and statements having a negative impact on one’s mental state are both things we have seen in TMA. Jon had a hard time stopping once he started a statement and at one point Jon expresses worry that Martin was listening to a bunch of statements for Peter Lukas and his plan in regards to The Extinction. Although, it could be that Gwen is merely shocked.

Gwen explains that she met one of the Externals but Alice seems to think Gwen is just referring to some annoying assholes as opposed to any supernatural monsters that takes the form of beloved childhood characters.

Gwen seems to finally wonder the question that I’ve been wondering for a while now:

GWEN 

“What do you think we’re actually doing, here at the O.I.A.R.?” 

ALICE 

“Apart from mortgaging our mental health for a wage packet?” 

GWEN 

“We’ve both been here long enough to know this place. We’re not doing good. We’re not just sifting random data. There’s something wrong here.”

ALICE 

“What are you getting at?”

GWEN 

“You never wonder what the point is? Who benefits from all this awfulness?”

ALICE 

“I don’t wonder. I know.”

GWEN 

(sitting up) “What? Really?”

ALICE 

“(portentous) Oh yeah. I’ve known for a while. What we’re doing here, it’s all part of a grand plan to satisfy one of the most unspeakable evils known to mankind... “

Gwen’s on the edge of her seat. 

ALICE 

“(almost a whisper) …the UK government.”

In TMA the point of the Institute sifting through statements and stuff was twofold. Firstly, to feed The Eye but also to set up the lynchpin for The Eye’s ritual with the position of the Archivist. I wonder if something similar is going on here but I can’t say since while you could argue that being an Externals Liaison is like the Archivist and shares the role as being a “living chronicle of fear” (especially since Lena remarked that Gwen should show fear via screaming because Externals tend to like that) Gwen had to blackmail her way into that position. I have no idea who was the Externals Liaison before her or if there are other Liaisons, if there even was one(s) before / with Gwen at all. Also, unlike the Institute, the OIAR is explicitly connected to the government and is meant to respond to things (not just watch). So it’s very likely that the OIAR has a role that is different from just “The Mass Ritual / Institute 2.0.” They could still be gathering fear related to the statements and being observed like the Institute in TMA though. However, even the Institute still wanted the Archival staff to do a good job following up statements and stuff. Jon tries to reorganize the Archives after Gertrude purposefully left them disorganized and Tim corrects Jon about some errors he made when reading some statements. The OIAR doesn’t really seem to care how well or poorly their workers categorize the cases and I don’t know if anyone checks.

Alice’s joke about the greatest evil known to mankind being the UK government feels like foreshadowing considering that the OIAR, and by extension all the Externals like Bonzo, are connected to the government.

Alice’s comment “Apart from mortgaging our mental health for a wage packet?” references how stressful this job seems to be.

Conclusion

Yeah, idk. This was a very simple episode overall and it mostly just seemed like it was following up Lena’s point about paying attention to the caseload.

Okay, hold on, before I end this I figured I should actually try to look at the voices in the computer system a bit more closely, since quite frankly, like with the alchemy symbols, I’ve admittedly been neglecting them and not focusing on them as much as I should have. This is because I actually couldn’t tell if there was any kind of correlation between the voices and the kinds of cases they read but a video by Maddie’s Maxis called “This Channel's First Video - The Magnus Protocol Analysis and Theories” (which you can view here This Channel's First Video - The Magnus Protocol Analysis and Theories) hypothesizes that there is actually a correlation. As we all know two of the computer voices sound like Martin and Jon and Maddie argues that the kinds of statements the voices read correspond to something that had to do with the character. For example, in theory NORRIS (Martin’s voice) tends to have statements relating to self-loathing and loneliness. I don’t know what they are feeding Maddie but Maddie is potentially cooking here. So I decided to glance over at some of the statements and see if there are any patterns.

I’m going to start with the theme that seems the most concrete in my opinion. The cases that NORRIS (Martin’s voice) reads seem to often be tied to themes of isolation, losing loved ones, or feeling abandoned. I should make it clear that while I know Martin in TMA is connected to The Lonely I am not saying all the cases NORRIS reads are connected to The Lonely. The mere presence of feeling alone or isolated doesn’t automatically make a statement Lonely related in the same way someone dying, getting attacked, or something taking place at night or in darkness automatically means End, Slaughter, or Dark respectively. Also, it’s important to remember that every Entity, even seemingly opposing ones, have overlap, shared fears, commonalities, etc..

But let’s look at the cases to see if this pattern is really there. The case NORRIS covers in episode 1 involves the Anglerfish, or something resembling it, killing and replacing their romantic partner. Harriet even says “And that voice I have loved for twenty years answered: “Some of him.”” So loss of a loved one.

In episode 3 NORRIS covers a case in which Dr. Samuel seems to feel immense guilt and sorrow about the death of Maddie. Once again, the loss of a close loved one.

In episode 8 NORRIS goes over a report Terrance submits about the effects of brutal liminalism. While no one dies or is replaced in the actual events of the case, Terrance does mention “originally took my role as a night janitor at Forton following a protracted divorce which cost me the majority of my friendships.” So while their partner isn’t dead they did lose a loved one, and if you read my thoughts on that episode you know that I actually think the case has a lot of similarities with The Lonely. The fog, the vaguely familiar but impossible to understand gibberish, people with repeating features, being isolated in a dark void, etc.. Even if you disagree that it’s The Lonely there is still a connection to themes of losing someone close and being alone.

If there was an episode to disprove this theory it would probably be episode 12 since it’s just Bonzo murdering a room full of people. Jordan does say “I don't know why nobody outside the room heard or saw anything” and earlier in the case they mention that they believed their coworker by the name of Joey the doorman might have ditched him again but this definitely feels a bit more like a stretch. Jordan does seem to blame the establishment for what happened and this is because from the perspective of Jordan no one came to help despite how obvious and loud the commotion was. Which could maybe tie into the idea of being abandoned or left alone but this is definitely pushin it and it’s clear that our understanding of what kinds of cases each voice reads might expand as the series goes on.

Maddie argues that CHESTER (Jonathon’s voice) seems to usually cover cases related directly to the Magnus Institute. Which is generally true, CHESTER covers the cases of RedCanary spelunking in the Institute’s ruins in episode 1, and the gambling dice being submitted to the Institute in episode 9 for example. But CHESTER also covers the case about Tom wanting to watch Voyeur in episode 5, the case regarding Hilltop Center in episode 7, Gordon’s encounter with the tattoos and Ink5 during construction in episode 11. It’s very possible that these are just related to the Institute in ways we don’t understand yet, for example some of the characters that appear could be members of the Institute or something, but in my opinion this definitely throws a wrench into some things.

CHESTER seems to have a stronger case for a theme of curiosity and a desire to know in general as opposed to just the Magnus Institute. RedCanary investigates the archives out of curiosity, Tom really wants to see the Voyeur movie for their blog, the narrator explains that they experimented with the gambling dice to figure out how they worked, and Gordon keeps talking about how they “just need to see it. I need to know what’s in the water.” As I’ve mentioned previously, The Eye also has a major emphasis on a desire to know and understand something even if it comes at the cost of yourself and / or other people. Hilltop Center still seems like a bit of an outlier here but while Dianne isn’t spelunking through ruins or anything she does mention that she was looking for people to help her work at the center. Which, while a bit of a stretch, could fit with a theme of curiosity or desire to know in the case of Chester. Or at least the idea of something being searched for as a theme at least. 

If you wanted to argue that CHESTER actually related to things being looked for you could say that the case about the gambling dice revolves around the narrator giving the Institute artifacts, and they even say “So yeah, I tell you all about them, how I got them, all that crap and you just… You take them away, right? You accept them? Good. I think. I’m pretty sure that’s how it works. It’s how it worked for me, at least. Put them in whatever vault you like, bury them, drop them in the ocean, for all I care. All that matters is that they’re yours now.” So you could say that the Institute was looking for artifacts. You could also argue that the narrator was looking for people to roll the dice, looking for good luck, or started making their way towards Gary when they found him.

AUGUSTUS has a voice I am not familiar with (and we will get to the popular theory in a moment). I can only recall AUGUSTUS voicing one case, I might be forgetting one or something, so I don’t have a lot to go on. AUGUSTUS could be covering really old statements, as Sam notes the one in episode 4 is from the 18th century, or statements revolving around others climbing their way to their top and doing whatever it takes to do so. It’s kind of unclear until I can see some more AUGUSTUS statements.

There’s also some obvious character associations with this theory. Martin, someone connected to The Lonely, has statements reflecting some kind of isolation or abandonment, Jon, the Archivist with a strong tie to The Eye and someone who was strung along while trying to solve Jonah’s plan and learn the truth about the Entities, has statements involving extreme curiosity or people looking for things, and Jonah, someone who is really old and ruthless (so ruthless that they made the world a fear hellscape in an attempt to avoid death), has had a statement taking place in the 18th century involving someone giving a blood sacrifice to play violin super well.

There’s a popular theory going around that the three voices in the computers are actually Jonathon, Martin, and Jonah, and this definitely seems like one of the more credible theories floating around the community to a degree. AUGUSTUS’ unfamiliar voice could be the voice of Jonah’s original body. Jon, Martin, and Jonah were all in the panopticon when the Change ended which could be the event that got them tied to the computers. It could also have to do with being the pupil of the Eye somehow. Jonah and Jon were both the Eye’s pupil at some point and Jon got his position by killing Jonah to take his spot. It’s possible something weird happened like Martin was about to become the Eye’s pupil after removing Jon from the position, giving them this common link, but I can’t say for sure.

Maddie also points out another big thing to remember in the video. I have mentioned that Annabelle seems generally right about what happens to the Entities’ various Monsters and Avatars after the Entities get pulled into the next universe. Monsters, like potentially the Anglerfish, presumably get sucked into the new universe since they are part of the Entities. Other people may or may not get sucked into the universe depending on how attached they were to the Entity. It’s also possible that they will always just be left behind. However, Annabelle also mentions that it’s possible the Entities will take the aspects of a person that are connected to or are a part of the Entity. So, it’s possible that the parts of Jon, Martin, and Jonah in the computer are not them in their entirety but merely specific aspects of their personality or being. It could literally just be their voices taken by one or more Entities for all we know.

We also know that some Entities, like The End, seem capable of making copies or “memories” of people after / when they die. In MAG 154 (Bloody Mary) Eric states “I know that I’m not really Eric; I’m just a memory someone wrote down. It hurts, most of the time. I don’t like it.” So one could argue that the voices in the computers are not the fully sentient original versions of Jon, Martin, and Jonah but “memories” or copies created by one or more Entities. This could also explain why the third voice might be Jonah even though Jonah potentially died before the Entities jumped universes. This voice could simply be The Eye’s metaphorical recollection of Jonah or Jonah wasn’t completely dead when the Entities switched universes. This also means that the voices in the computers could be more malicious than we first assume if there’s a chance they are in actuality not Jon, Martin, and Jonah or are in truth aspects of The Eye or bits of their personalities trying to achieve a specific goal.

As I’ve mentioned previously, the cases the voices read out don’t seem to be completely random. The second Sam is about to give up his search for the Magnus Institute CHESTER spits out a case that is perfect for reigniting his curiosity with the addition of a new clue, and when Celia takes the job the first case she gets is about Hilltop Center (which could relate to Celia’s questions about multiversal and time travel). I still can’t say if the CHESTER or any other of the computers are trying to help Sam or use him for more nefarious purposes.

I’m not super confident about this being the patterns the computers follow at the moment because frankly there isn’t a lot of cases to go off of, and I need to see more AUGUSTUS. It’s also possible that the cases are more variable or context dependant. What the voices read could depend on the person at the computer, for example: it’s possible CHESTER reads a bunch of cases connected to the Institute because that’s what Sam was most interested in. There are also some cases we don’t have enough context behind yet, for example the mysterious figure in the Hilltop Road case could be connected to something like the Institute in some way, or that some of the voices focus on certain Externals Liaisons, people, etc..

If you want another TMAGP theory video to watch here’s one by Pinkelotje: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX51EHLy7BQ&ab_channel=pinkelotje.

[yellowocaballero]

Anyway.

How many works do you have on AO3? 54. Hm. I don't remember writing 54 fics. That's weird. But I've been posting since 2017 so when you THINK about it 54 fics over 7 years isn't weird at all.

What’s your total AO3 word count? 2.4 million. What's your point.

What fandoms do you write for? A fuckton. I write both things I'm hyperfixated on and for random shit that comes in my head. I was into TMA for like two years so I have the most TMA fic (16), but most of my fandoms are 3-5 fics maximum. There's also a lot of random-ass fics for random-ass fandoms that just jumped in my head. Artemis Fowl, Beetlejuice, Animorphs...demons that overtook me for two weeks or so and never bothered me again.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? The Great Gender Heist (Artemis Fowl, no surprise there.), stay out of trouble (Detroit: Become Human, I reliably forget that one exists and I'm still mystefied as to why so many people read it), meek shall inherit (I'm constantly attempting to forget the Be More Chill phase ever happened), someone will remember us (Batman, fic's not great, am still very fond of that au) and dead or alive (DBH, mediocre). Why the hell are the two Detroit: Become Human fics so popular? I hate DBH so much. I was so angry while writing those.

Do you respond to comments? I am absolutely terrible about responding to comments. I am sorry. I do read and appreciate all of them. It's because I always need to give a dialectical so comments take ages to write. If you do want to hear my thoughts on something, my inbox is your best bet for a way too lengthy response.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hope, Etc for certain. I try really hard to write bittersweet at worst endings, and even the sad endings in my fics have hope in them. Hope, Etc definitely ends in a better place than where it began. But it's still very sad. I was thinking about a lot of lost loved ones while writing it. Fishhooks and reel to reel also have downer endings but that is because they are LITERALLY Star Wars.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Uhhhh. The ending of Solitaire (and the MLM/WLW hostility series in general) is very sweet. It's meaningful because it demonstrates so much growth from everybody with very little cost. I almost said Go Straight At The Cul De Sac, because it showcases a happier world where horrible historical events were averted, but the ending will always be a little bittersweet because we understand how much Protag sacrificed to create that better world.

Do you get hate on fics? Sometimes people are kind of weird. The worst of it is usually just useless comments, though. I had somebody get pedantic about how briefly mentioning an SUV would be historically inaccurate, and how I should have mentioned a minivan instead - like, did you read that fic and think I was from the suburbs? Do I look like I know what a minivan is? Lol? If I've received any actual more severe stuff I have no idea, since I delete the comment and delete it from my memory. I've never gotten anything too bad. I've been called ablest like three times, which is objectively hilarious.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? If I could write smut I'd be making bank on Kindle Unlimited right now.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Probably the FE3H/BNHA one I'm writing right now that will never see the light of day. Just kidding. I don't actually think I've posted any real crossovers - I DO write them, I just kind of feel like they're cringe so I never post them. I write a lot of cringe shit that never sees the light of day.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not nearly popular enough for that.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Several people have mentioned wanting to do that, but nope.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not technically. But I do want to give due honors to all of the friends who are SO instrumental in the building of the AUs, stories, characters, etc, that they've had a huge impact on the story itself. I try to recognize them by name in the fics themselves but my stories would look completely different if it wasn't for my friends. Definitely much worse.

What’s your all time favorite ship? I'll differentiate favorite ships and favorite fictional romances. For ships, it's much less about the ship and more about the role in the story. I tend not to pay a lot of attention to that while writing, but sometimes I get lost in my own sauce and I drive myself a bit nuts. I am very fond of Hanyookim, especially in my own ORV story. For romances? My top ten list of fictional romances is as follows: number one: naturally, Sasunaru -

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? If it's up on AO3, it's done (with one or two very small exceptions - The Ending of Han Sooyoung epilogue I'll get to you I PROMISE). There's plenty of unfinished docs on my drive that I'll never finish, but that's because I decided that they weren't worth finishing.

What are your writing strengths? Dialogue and characterization. That's always been the case. I'm also pretty funny.

What are your writing weaknesses? Plotting. Action. Having stories that are not entirely dialogue. Where things happen and it's more than just people walking around talking. You know. Real stories -

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Always valid. I remember reading one Hispanic author talking about how he doesn't like italicizing the Spanish in his stories because it's otherizing, and I agreed enough with him that I don't tend to italicize other languages either. Sometimes I do. I try to do it purposefully, and to convey something that can only be conveyed through the extra language. I'll also only do it if I can have a friend who speaks that language write it out for me, since gtranslate sucks and I want to ask the friend how such a thing would actually be said and colloquialize it. I like using ASL in fics, and I am just in general begging people to a) write it like any other language, and b) understand that it's different from other languages and can't be written exactly the same. If your Star Wars fanfiction has so much gratuitous Mando'a that I can't understand anything the clones or Mandos are saying I hate you.

First fandom you wrote for? Batman Beyond. Yes, I have a FFN account somewhere. Yes, I was eleven. Yes, it was Batman Beyond.

Favorite fic you’ve written? The best thing I've written is Twilight on Owl Creek Bridge. Favorite is New Wave. That sucker took two years to write (INSANELY long for me) and it is exactly the story I wanted to write. Stephanie's a character I've been writing since I was 15, and the feeling of writing Stephanie and NAILING her for the very first time was so satisfying.

Tagging @usaigi and uh any other writer mutuals you all know who you are.

[cirrus-grey]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @magnetarmadda; thank you!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

252, of which a full 227 are TMA

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

905,246

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Recently? TMA/TMagP, Discworld, and Good Omens. I'll jump into anything that gives me plot bunnies though, and there's been quite a few different ones over the years!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Yesterday is Here

Déjà Vu

Misfiled and Misinformed

Humanity

Against All Probability

5. Do you respond to comments?

Always! I try to clear my inbox weekly and/or before I post a new fic, though I'm falling a bit behind right now with JonMartinWeek.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm, probably Wedding Blues - it's a bad-ending Lonely!Martin fic

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

So, I write a lot of happy endings and I'm not sure how to rank them. Probably either Yesterday is Here again, or the Castaways series.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I think I've only ever gotten one hate comment? So no, not really.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I... try? I'm not very good at it and it takes absolute ages. It's been described as "very polite" smut, though I'm attempting to get a little raunchier with it as I get more practice.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Yeah, I've written a couple! The craziest is probably the first one I did, a Good Omens/Skulduggery Pleasant crossover that I'm still quite fond of.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep, Unsent and Courage in the Dark have both been translated into Russian!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I don't know if I can give just one, honestly. For different reasons, both JonMartin (TMA) and Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens, primarily book not show).

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

This is a throwback but I still have notes for an epic, multi-part, 100k Gracious/Donegan origin story fic from back in my Skulduggery Pleasant days. I wasn't a good enough writer back then to finish something that ambitious and I doubt I'll ever get invested enough in the fandom again to go back to it... but it still lives on in my daydreams.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmm... I'm good at conveying character emotions in a scene, and with pacing a story to make sure each new development or twist lands the way I want it to. I like to think I've got a knack for making dialogue sound in-character as well, even if I've put the characters in a situation that their canon selves would never be in.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes. Balancing conversations between more than two people without having some of them drop off or dominate the scene. Keeping track of large casts of characters in general - I've written so many 2-person romances, I just don't have practice with larger groups.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I love it when other people do, but it's not something I've attempted myself. I'm only fluent in English and I'd worry that I'd written something completely inaccurate if I had to rely on google translate or similar.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Good Omens! (Book)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh, do not ask me that, I beg of you. There are about a hundred fics I've written that could all qualify, depending on the day and what mood I'm in.

...I'll say Vous, et nul autre, for now, because I'm really proud of how that one turned out and the fact that I finished it at all - it's one of those that I had the idea for years before I was good enough to write it, and I really like being able to look at it now and see how far I've come.

Tagging... @my-lonely-angel, @fridayyy-13th, @grahamfolgersdeliciousnotebooks - only if y'all want to!

[lo-fi-charming]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

got tagged by @milkteamoon! ^^

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? // 176!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? // 866,977

3. What fandoms do you write for? // Mainly TMA the last few years; previously, I wrote a lot of OPM fic. I'd say those are easily my two 'biggest' fandoms in terms of being actively involved and writing fic for them. I'll also write fic of other things I enjoy though, so I have a lot of one-shots and short series for other things too!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? // Sticking with TMA fic for this one, so:

What Lies Beyond the Frame (rated G, jmart) — A minor AU where I give Jon a new Beholding power, letting him see through his glasses when he's not wearing them. One of my earliest works for the fandom! I'm actually surprised to find it at the top of this list.

off-the-clock assistance (rated E, jmart) — An AOB fic taking place during the iconic Martin Living In The Archives era. I wrote this after realizing that other TMA smut fics had taught me I actually DO enjoy fisting as a concept, lol.

The Kissing Game (rated T, jmart) — A lighthearted, Christmas-y fic where Jon, Tim, and Sasha get into a competitive little holiday game of trying to catch Martin under the mistletoe. This one was very fun to write and I quite like how I ultimately wrapped it up.

A Friendly Favor (rated E, martim) — An AU where Tim and Martin are friends with benefits! I used to be very into martim when I first got into the fandom... I do still enjoy them, but we all know where my main focus/energy ultimately started going hehe. This one ended up developing into a tiny series of fics in the same setting.

Sizing Up (rated E, jmart) — Wherein Jon discovers that Martin is a size queen. This one was based off a stupid little comic I drew and is probably the closes I've gotten to writing a 'crack fic', though I wouldn't call it that - it's more in terms of the Energy I brought to writing it? Just doing something with a very silly base concept but taking it (mostly) seriously.

5. Do you respond to comments? // I do sometimes, if I feel like I have anything worth saying! Sometimes I'll respond with a simple 'thank you' or variation thereof if someone says something particularly nice though ;w;

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? // Kind of a difficult question honestly... I don't really write 'angsty' endings to my fic, even if they do have a darker tone or a lot of angst in the middle somewhere; I'm not really a hurt-no-comfort guy. I also think it's hard to say whether an ending is angsty because it can kinda depend on the perspective of the character(s) and I'd say generally, when I'm doing things as I intended, even if the ending is a bit dark, that doesn't ring as angsty to me?

If I HAD to choose one... maybe when the dream ends, a very old, Sans-centric Undertale fic I wrote where he experiences disorienting dissociation and deja vu of other timelines post-pacifist ending. It has a hopeful conclusion, but still leans heavily on his feelings of detachment, vague depression, and anxiety from feeling like everything around him is impermanent and repetitive.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? // Hm, approaching this in terms of fic where the happiness of the end feels earned, that'd probably go to The Taste of Midnight, my witch!Jon AU fic where he has to save his town from a disastrous force (with Martin's help). The final chapter, once the plot is resolved, is very idyllic and fluffy - a nice, pleasant conclusion for all the dramatic stuff that happened!

8. Do you get hate on fics? // I've gotten hate on a fic ONCE, as far as I can remember! It was for Deep V (rated E), a fic where Jon is trans and has dysphoric feelings about his chest, but decides he wants to try improving his relationship to it via kink. I made the mistake of openly asking for feedback on it when I posted it, and one of the more well-known assholes in the fandom (which I would learn after the fact), left a very nasty comment on it basically scolding me for even having written/shared it in the first place. Luckily I got a lot of useful advice and more friendly feedback/encouragement from much cooler people in the fandom, which was very nice and helped keep my feelings towards the fic largely positive! A harrowing but imo good learning experience in the end.

9. Do you write smut? // Yup! I have for a long time. It's generally my favorite kind of fic to read as well as write, though my tastes have been refining the last couple of years. I could write a whole big thing on my feelings about smut fic but I'll refrain this time!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? // I don't think I've ever written a crossover fic! Right now, the closest I've gotten is vaguely contributing too (and loudly supporting the creation of) a Murderbot/Among Us fic my roomie started a year or two ago. Which I need to continue yelling at them to publish... hehe.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? // Boy I sure hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? // Yes, actually! Someone asked for permission to translate my OPM fic The Apron (rated E) into Russian! This is wild to me.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? // Yes, I'm actually co-writing one now with my friend V! It's an edited version of a long-going Jondaisy RP called Open Door (rated E). It's been a fun (if slow-going) project; it's an interesting challenge to go through an RP where we're each playing one character's part and try to edit it into a state that makes it more natural to read for others.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? // Jon/Daisy!!!! You might want to call recency bias, but they are simply Everything To Me that I've ever needed in a ship, actually, it's kind of insane how much of a hold they've taken over me. I look back on my older ships and I enjoy them all very much, but nothing hits the way jaisy does. I fear nothing else ever will... they're my true OTP...

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? // I have quite a few... A lot that I really want to go back to... Probably my most ambitious and least likely would be And Only Space Stood Between Them, which is an unfinished Oban Star Racers fic that would've involved interplanetary space travel, worldbuilding for a planet and alien species that was only VERY lightly explored in the anime, two protagonists/alternating POVs, a huge cast of supporting characters, an overarching plot amidst a star-racing competition, and a developing friendship/romance(?) between Eva and Aikka. I had SUPER big aspirations for it, and only got to the 4th chapter, when Eva first leaves Earth to head for his home planet. In a perfect world I would write this space epic..... It is my dear wish that... maybe someday...................

16. What are your writing strengths? // I've been told I'm good at writing in-character, which I greatly appreciate as feedback and dearly hope is true. I personally think I'm actually pretty decent at naturalistic dialogue, which I often hear is a difficult aspect of writing for folks. I think I'm generally good at pacing too, and I'd like to say that descriptive imagery is a solid strength of mine, though that's an element of writing often subject to taste...

17. What are your writing weaknesses? // I have no idea if it's a real weakness but I often get self-conscious about my writing being boring or repetitive or trite or something, despite people telling me this isn't the case when I've asked. I think it's just a case of, despite how long I've been writing, I'm still relatively young and have a lot to learn; I'm still finding my confidence in my unique voice and what I'm good at.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? // At the moment I only feel comfortable dabbling with the inclusion of Spanish, and only because I've been actively trying to learn it for a year. Even then, I basically only use it if I'm writing something with canonically Spanish-speaking characters. As a reader, it's something I really like to encounter when done well! Especially as a way to explore a diverse headcanon for a character.

19. First fandom you wrote for? // Pokemon!

20. Favorite First fic you’ve written? // (I actually misread this question, then decided to keep my first answer, because I'm so bad at picking a favorite fic! Honestly!)

Anyways, in terms of my first fic: it was a Pokemon fic with no main title. It's about a girl named Kim with a Charmander starter. She visits a pokemon center after adopting an abandoned and injured Growlithe, only to realize the center has been infiltrated by Team Rocket, who attempt to steal the Pokemon being healed there. I have an original, printed version of this fic in my stuff somewhere! I've daydreamed about making a comic out of it while keeping all the original narration/dialogue.

Okay, now I tag my dear friends. Obvs only do this if you want to~

@temporalreplicsimile , @callmearcturus, @zykaben, @ostentenacity

[sunriseverse]

twenty questions for fic writers!

tagged by @chirpybirdy (thank you!!!)

tagging: @lucientelrunya @butchybats @cedarbranch @lunarriviera @killerandhealerqueen and anyone else who wants to participate! questions below the cut.

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

434 in total! about half of those are from when i was a pacrim writer, though.

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

1,407,660 as of today! i am, unfortunately for all of you, possessed of hands and the ability to string words together, and i'm making that everyone else's problem. i've written 136,786 of that this year, and i'm hoping i can hit 200k this year (last year i had an all-time high of over 300k+, which i'm very smug about; i don't think i can hit that again this year, though, because i'm busy as all hell). my total wordcount to works ratio has changed a lot in the years i've been on ao3—2019-2021, i wrote a lot of fics, but each of them was fairly short; now i write probably ~20-50 fics per year but each one is a minimum 2k, usually 5k+.

3. what fandoms do you write for?

at the moment: dmbj (sha hai focus), zmyx/swwht (mostly a show setting with novel elements), and tgcf.

4. top five fics by kudos

the kudos count for overall pisses me off so i'm giving my 2024 kudos data. we have not long to love: 327 kudos, m, 13k, nanqiu nie huaisang and the no good, very bad day: 241 kudos, t, 3k, gen god knows i can never get rid of habits: 227 kudos, e, 12k, nanqiu my dear, let me buy a red painted boat (and carry you away): 82 kudos, t, 5k, hualian hunger, bright: 81 kudos, m, 8k, nanqiu

5. do you respond to comments?

i try and respond to every comment i get! as an author, i want my readers to know just how much i value their comments, because getting comments really does make my day. usually i'll write some variation of "thanks for commenting, i'm glad you liked the fic!" and then maybe insert a reply to a specific thing they said in the middle, if applicable.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

recently? probably heartsmudged (dmbj ficlet, pingpangxie, pangzi pov)(also on tumblr here). technically there's nothing overtly angsty happening, but it's set during one of the most depressing times in canon for poor pangzi, and he's going through it.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

not sure what i'd call the "happiest" fic ending? most of my fics have happy endings, so it would be hard for me to choose one. i guess a single slip brings sorrow has the most dramatic shift from angst to joy at the end.

8. do you get hate on fics?

not on ao3 because people know how to behave (mostly) but i have gotten hate on ffnet, because ffnet is a cesspit of the worst types of commenters. i've had comment moderation enabled for years because i don't have any interest in allowing that shit to stay up.

9. do you write smut?

i mean, do i write smut for smut's sake on purpose? no. however apparently some of the characters i'm writing really, really want to have sex, and sex makes sense narratively, and so i've lately wound up writing smut. mostly minimally descriptive, though, because i'm more focused on the emotions.

10. craziest crossover?

probably my iasip/tma crossover, statement begins. (i have other crossovers that never got published, but i'm not counting them for the purposes of this post.)

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge. i do have a note up on my profile on ao3 and ffnet letting people know that if my work is found anywhere but on those two accounts or my tumblr then i didn't consent to its posting, though. i hope that if this ever happens someone would let me know.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

i've had someone ask before, but as of five years on, it's not happened yet.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have! not sure i would do it again, because it requires a lot of coordination, and i generally don't have the patience to wait on other people; my pace of writing is both unpredictable, hectic, and frenetic.

14. all time favorite ship?

an agony...........how can i choose.............ozma/dorothy.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

technically not a fic per se but i started writing out a set of zhang sect precepts for sunrise based on the yan family precepts but i didn't get very far into it because trying to emulate the tone of the yan family precepts made me discover a deepseated hatred. this is what it's looked like for a couple months now and it's unlikely to ever be completed because the yan family precepts are stupidly long and i don't know if i could keep that up.

16. what are your writing strengths?

description! i've been told my writing style is very descriptive, and i can see that. i love writing things in detail and using sensory descriptions to make the scene feel more intimate. it's probably not to everyone's tastes but it's my writing and i do what i want.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

updating regularly. if i have a longfic the update rate is between me and universe and i'm not invited to the party. also action-heavy fics. there's a reason my plots tend to focus on emotions rather than action.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

if it's a language i don't know, probably just "[x] said in a language [y] didn't understand" or "[x] said in french" or something. that said because most of what i write is for cdramas/cnovels these days, and since i write everything from the perspective of "this is an english translation of a chinese original" i usually don't wind up writing anything that's not in english beyond a word or two here or there. if i were writing a fic for an english language novel/show and someone were speaking chinese or turkish (or maybe german) i would probably also just write it as "[x] said in [language]" because i find that foreign language text usually breaks my immersion.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

on ao3, warriors. in real life on paper, probably also warriors.

20. favorite fic you've written?

how am i meant to choose...........i love all my fics.....................anything from sunrise 'verse i guess.

[digitalis-obscura]

20 Questions for Writers

tagged by @romanticslimecreature

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

15!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

35,578

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently writing for wrestling and also still a bit for malevolent, used to write for tma and wolf 359, and i have three thousand abandoned drafts in other fandoms

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

•we’re all just killing time: malevolent, jarthur pwp

•my mirror staring back at me: malevolent, jarthur pwp

•drowning in a dream (that i can’t escape): malevolent, post canon case fic

•i’m not giving up (i’m just giving in): tma, jon/michael canon divergence

•a craving for something i cannot find (and the shame of never finding it): tma, jonelias post season 3 knife fic

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to but sometimes the brain is soup

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

what the water gave me: malevolent, arthur gets fucking traumatized by a ghost

i wrote it for a horror exchange with the explicit goal of putting arthur through hell

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

this is actually a hard question, i tend to write ambiguous or open endings a lot of the time

i think when is a monster not a monster, my john character study fic, probably has the most upbeat and optimistic ending? idk

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope, everyone things i’m sexy and my meat is huge (i exclusively exist in small fandoms)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do! i’ve recently been informed that the main through-line of all of my smut is characters discovering that they’re into d/s, which is fucking hilarious, so i guess the answer to what kind is “kinky”

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i don’t personally care to write crossovers

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

lars and i both wrote fics based on the same premise, at the same time, but that’s the closest i’ve gotten

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

whatever ship is eating my brain at any given time, i don’t have a real “all time favorite”

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

god the fucking vegas au. modern au malevolent fic where arthur is gifted a trip to vegas and decides to get spectacularly drunk and wakes up married to john, a complete stranger. it is *technically* still in production but i’m mostly just lying to myself there, it’s way too ambitious for my skill level because it needs to be multichapter and well plotted and i don’t have that in me

16. What are your writing strengths?

i’ve been told that i’m good at characterization, and i think i write description well

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

extended plot. i can do long one-shot plots, but i can’t do multichap plots.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i am horrifically monolingual and would not insult another language that way

19. First fandom you wrote for?

….. homestuck

20. Favorite fic you've written?

this is an even tie between three fics i think:

drowning in a dream (that i can’t escape) is my beloved horror case fic that i put my heart and fucking soul into and it’s the longest fic i’ve ever finished

you eat your words in frame is the complete opposite direction, it’s wrestling pwp with sex tapes, it just also happens to be some of, if not the best writing i have ever done.

hit me baby (one more time) is a short and silly neon streets fic that only five people care about but it’s probably the fic i consider to be the most accurate to the source characters fic i have written and i love it

i’m tagging @voidofthestars @limbreaper and @grand-magnificent as well as anyone else who wants to say i tagged them

[shastafirecracker]

For the fic writer ask game! 9. What fic meant the most to you to write?

Oooh, Wildflowers meant a lot because it was a huge project and I was worried I'd bitten off more than I could chew, but I turned out to be capable of managing something so ambitious. So it meant a lot to know that I've just gotten better as a writer and to know that I can take big swings with confidence in my abilities.

But I think for personal reasons, "I've seen all the demons that you've got" actually meant the most. In terms of just, like... putting myself on the page. When I was big into The Magnus Archives I wrote a couple of fics about Jon cautiously navigating sex as an asexual, and I gave him approximately my own experience of asexuality. It was really personal and once I got back into Trigun I had had my fill of being really personal in fic for the time being, so I didn't headcanon any of my main ship characters as ace. Knives being ace in Trillium & Ivy was just a side thing, barely mentioned. But it kept coming back to me, and by then it had been a couple years since the TMA fics, and I felt like I was more open to writing about the ace experience again. So... yeah, writing Knives in "all the demons" was very cathartic and hit some sensitive spots in my memory. Helped me put a few things in words that I'd been avoiding for like, 10 years.

[fuckthisshitimin]

Depends on how open to "manipulation" you and your friends are.

1) One of the last straws for my best friend for TMA was me telling him "Ooooh each season of TMA kinda works as a stage of grief so when I die and you'll finally start listening (had been bother him about it for over a year) you can go through them as you listen!" Added I was sad I wouldn't be here. Leveraging my own eventual death with someone that loves me is absolutely unfair - but note it is something we both fear a lot and so discuss a lot since we realized one of us is gonna attend the other's funeral. This text was the first time he admitted he would listen to TMA eventually.

2) Ask them. Not as a recommendation - as a favor. You're an audio drama fan and you want to share this part of your life with them, more extensively that you can just talking to them about it. Reframe this as something they do out of love for you, and then, whether they enjoy and stick with it or not is for them, but the attempt? A Love gesture. If you and your friends do birthday presents, you can say (if it is true) that there's little you would love more for your own birthday than know their thoughts on X podcast or be able to talk to them about another one. If you personally create fanworks, wanting to share it with them is also a nice motivation.

3) Okay this is very specific. But I work/have worked with most my friends as an actor and uhm. Well for my final project that I wrote and directed my friends were working "for" me (as in, for my benefit and trying to understand my vision). I did not put podcasts in there but there was material they read/listened to. On another project I was in, the director (also a friend) gave us a list of movies we had to watch for inspiration/building a common reference library. So yeah if you lead a creative projects with your friends, you can and should build a bibliography with your inspirations and chances are some audio dramas will be there.

4) Offer a trade. Are any of them trying to get you to listen to some hyperpop artist even though you don't like pop? Sending you scientific articles that you're sure are thrilling but such a challenge to read? Blasting your ears about their favorite cartoon? Look I strongly dislike Star Wars. Just a taste - it bores me and I don't doubt it's good but it's not my jazz. I'd give the whole franchise a shot in exchange for a friend listening to Mabel.

5) Try and find where and when in their routine audio dramas would fit. Chances are it would fit in moments they are listening to music - argue for the qualities of podcasts VS music. Chores, for example. Doing the dishes is hell for me and I forgo doing them so often when I have to it takes me hours and it feels unending. Podcast episodes are great timers in a way music isn't - I know doing the dishes is not something I can tackle in one setting but I can do "One TMAGP episode of dishes" and I'll have done dishes and gotten a sense of accomplishment.

5-b) Is there anything new they are getting into that would go well with podcasts? If any of them is trying to learn to sew/knit/crochet/other work that occupies you hands and eyes but not all your mind, tell them it would be two birds for one stone, and that if they do get into the story, wanting to listen to what's next will serve as motivation to keep practicing their new craft.

someone give me ideas on how to force introduce my friends to audio dramas. The only method that's worked so far was me playing tma outloud while bedrotting w one of them

but I need a method that'll work through texting though. theyre all so resistant to trying a new type of media 😒

if friends see this... dont worry about it

[marlasomething]

Jonmartin Week 2022 Day 8: The Work of Three or Four

Hello there!

As said in previous one-shots of this week, I cannot see a "challenge" and let it go so...Jonmartin week 2022 here we are! The idea is "forcing myself" to write piece of under 1K in different universes, AND, ONCE AGAIN, AS WE FINISHED SAID WEEK WITH THE BONUS FREE DAY I DIDN'T MAKE IT UNDER 1K YAIH, MARLA, GOOD BAD JOB!

This was written for the prompt of day 8: Free/AU day. As I have already done quite a lot of AUs, I also took the concept of Free quite literaly to be included into the story (somehow) and, then, I just wrote a pirate AU set in the universe of Our Flags Means Death bcs I can (highly inspired by some of the ideas discurssed in the TMA Spanish-speaking discord, love you pals!)

Also: I will try to end all one-shots with the line of the finale "One way or another. Together". AND I DID (with an extra note by Tim, but I am not letting go not having a certain type of episode on the canon, NEVER)

I wanted to thank from the bottom of my heart to @jonmartinweek for arranging this week of promps, I love a good challenge (especially a writing one).

As usual, do please forgive my quick tipper and non-native speaker mistakes,

Marla

Allons-y!

AO3 version!

Whole week Masterlist!

Martin and Jon were being attacked.

At night.

At the bloody harbour, the only day they were the only the two of them of board. Because, of course, Gerry’s evil supposedly-dead mother had to choose that week to make her great comeback, and they had to be the designated members of the crew to keep an eye on The Sixteenth Fear (at least, it had been a great opportunity to stay together, being the ones that pulled the Jacks out of the deck -a very democratic fair system Tim had come up with after his brother Danny had been tormenting him for months in his letters with his later hiperfixiation: card games-).

And, to be honest; spending the night in their quite cosy pirate ship tied in a port city far quieter than Nassau had even sounded delightful.

However, as they hid behind the food and drink provisions, their visions of how this night was going to develop were changing rather quickly.

“I am starting to regret those knaves; I’d be far keener on facing Mary Keay…” Jon muttered, playing with the globe that covered his burnt hand.

He still recalled perfectly well when, after betraying the King (as if fucking George would have ever known who the bastard he had working as a quite efficient privateer had been), Jude Perry and her mercenaries had tried to catch him to reclaim the price over his head.

They had those two chaotic co-captains and their improbable crew to thank for that rescue. Another favour he owned Ed.

He just hoped this time wasn’t to be the entertaining distraction , singing shanties to a murderous crew of people drunk enough to get mad over the stupidest of things and yet sober enough to properly aim when shooting. Also becoming, later as the night had progressed, the physical incarnation of the infamous messengerof the renowned idiom (you know? The one that everyone eventually tries to kill) as the other pirate crew stole God knows what.

If he hadn’t been able to fit in a rather small wine barrel, he’d be dead by know (though he had wanted to be, in all those weeks of Tim mocking him while gently pushing him towards admitting his feelings, that he might have been muttering to himself when Blackbeard and The Gentleman’s crew had left the Jon-barrel right next to their shit…specially since now he was a bard).

He came back to the present to a Martin that, next to him, emitted a muttered sound that could, with the power of sheer imagination, pass as a laugh.

“Trust me, you don’t” his tone had gotten extremely severe all of the sudden.

Sometimes, with his nice smiles and soft appearance, Jon forgot that he had been a pirate for far longer than he had.

After all, his life had truly begun when he had been asked to retrieve him to his family…or something on that line; the details were to never be revealed.

The step of the intruders grew nearer, making both men shivered in place; there were at least seven of them (if not more), and they were only the two. They definitively needed a strategy.

In an ever lower tone, Jon communicated the beginning of the first step of the prologue of a very terrible disastrous plan.

“As we are well aware of, I am what could be easily called a light-weight and I am rather highly proficient at sneaking…”

“What you mean is, you are a scrawny bastard that has a special talent to backstab. Yeah, I know, and I am so not letting you risk your bloody stupid life on a suicide mission.”

“I love you too” the second man said, half mockingly.

“I am serious, Jon. You have to let go this carry-all-burdens constant attitude…I could be the first to attack them too, you know? I could get rid of, like, three or four? At least, before…”

“Who is talking suicidal now?” he had to use all his will power not to start yelling. It wasn’t much of a consolation but, with his initial terrible idea doom was only an extremely likely scenario for him. With Martin’s?

There was no way on Earth he was surviving a frontal encounter, as much as he was right about probably ending the life of at least five of the people entering their ship and…he couldn’t lose him.

Not like this.

Yes, they were pirates, and that doesn’t make you any closer to immortality, precisely; but one thing was to go away in a boarding, in plain daylight, hand in hand, you’ll never take us alive and all that experimental shanty and a very different one was to die alone, bleeding out in the arms of the other, as you can only feel betrayed because of how stupid their decision has been, even though you wish you could only feel love and grieve in that moment.

What’s more, he knew Jon would likely be already dead had he stayed in his former position; the jobs given to him by Jonah would have slowly but steadily turned him into the exact kind of avatar of his will he had always wanted.

He would have never left if it hadn’t been for Martin, even if he had just been an annoyance he hadn’t actually known anything real about. He had made him free, shown him he could be himself, no shame about it; no need to hide or constraint anything. Martin was the reason he met Gerry, and Sasha, and Tim, the Michaels (having three people named the same way in the same pirate ship could be a bit of a headache, but they handled it)…

“Hold on, Mikaele.”

“Yes, our art expert, what about him?”

“His annoying protégée: Cane. The thread system she installed…it is connected to the lower decks…we could just…pull the right strings and…” he let a knife (that he had gained after it had been positioned inside of him for being a bit of a known-it-all, quite the story) show for a moment from inside his vest and smiled a little bit too enthusiastically.

“You are not letting the backstabbing bit go away, are you? God, do you remember when you were this little too polite privateer that just wanted to be left alone with his books and laws.”

“I still want to be let alone with my books, I just rather have some people close to me while I read them. And stabbing people that are almost certainly going to kill you otherwise is an immensely entertaining activity.”

“Fine, ‘lright. I’ll admit your whole murderous bookworm energy is adorable.”

“I am not…” he breathed deeply, pretending to be annoyed as he opened the wooden piece beneath which the system of cords was. “Ready?”

“Let’s give them Hell.”

Next morning, the rest of the crew came to a pile of ten bodies of random sketchy looking men, only one of them alive (someone had to tell the tale -and also be followed to their employers, to know if there was something bigger to worry behind this attack-).

“What happened?” Joshua Gillespie asked; he had been their last acquisition and, in a very mundane way, he had the precise common sense of the common folk the rest had eventually lost.

Martin and Jon looked at each other, smiling mischievously.

Tim crossed his arms, he had a new scar in one cheek; the short he fancied collecting (and, in all honesty, it was a completely understandable decision; he really knew how to pull them off).

“You either tell us right now or I will make you sing, literally.”

Martin shrugged.

“Well, let’s just say, that we are not going down. We are getting through, whatever they threw at us. One way or another…”

“Together” Jon ended, entangling his burnt (and now covered in blood) hand with Martin’s.

“Ugh, alright. But you are not getting away without the song.”

[dangerous-disposition]

my mag172 #thots i will not be swayed from

The tl;dr version:

Fuck the web

Fuck Web!Martin theories (like i cannot even properly articulate why i hate this theory so much now, and I used to subscribe to it)

And fuck Annabelle Cane, I literally hate her with my entire being.

As a recovering addict, I would say... this is the best episode of the show, and I will also never, ever listen to it again.

Now the long version below the cut.

So I hate the Web, and I hate Annabelle Cane. To me, the other fears make sense on a primal human level. The Web is just...pure evil. It was born from the choices of evil people, and is only used for evil. Plain and simple. It is, at it’s core the worst fear and I hate it. There is nothing anyone can say that will make me not hate it.

Because of point number one, I refuse to believe in or subscribe to literally any Web!Martin theory. At all. Listen, MAG170 killed Web!Martin theories completely, imho, and any amount of theorizing in favour of Web!Martin is grasping at straws. But I refuse to believe that my perfect boy, who spent the entire time in the Lonely defending his abuser, who busted his own ass out of the Lonely bc he was in love would be part of something as evil as the Web. Like I just....I feel like there was no way to have had an episode, completely from the POV of Martin, and not gotten any spoken hint at him being even remotely connected to the Web. Just. No.

The argument at the beginning, if you could call that an argument: I have noticed, especially in recent episodes, that Jon seems influenced by the domain and especially the “statement giver” before he even begins his monologue. Like...kinda showing how the forced Knowing creeps up on him? This theory of mine has been in the back of my mind since MAG168 but I don’t know how to fully explain it because it just fully formed in my head after this episode. Something changed after Oliver’s statement, just like it did in Season 1, and again at the beginning of Season 4. In MAG170, Jon got separated from Martin, and I feel like...Jon wouldn’t have just....left Martin behind, even by accident, even during a monologue and I just...I feel like, to some degree, Jon had been at least a little bit influenced by the Lonely and got separated that way. And then in the Flesh, approaching Jared, Jon was confused that Martin didn’t find the flesh flowers beautiful, and the way he said it...it struck me as a very Jared thing to say. And then the way Jon talked in this episode, the way Jon got defensive and sniped at Martin just....it was very similar in feeling to Francis’ own words being mirrored back to them by the spider. Just....i’m not sure where I’m going with this, or even if it has sound basis in canon. It’s just been a pattern I’ve noticed but it was made clearer to me now.

I refuse to see that final interaction with Martin and Jon as anything other than two frustrated and exhausted men trudging through the apocalypse, and whatnot. Like I can just hear the absolutely lukewarm takes ppl will have and just. Nah, leave me out of it.

Loved the explanation about Knowing vs. Understanding.

Also loving Jon and Martin still discussing boundaries, and Martin has a right to said boundaries, and I’m getting where he’s coming from in now wanting to know, or for Jon to Know. I think I would be the same, not wanting to know if my feelings for someone or choices were my own or made for me, especially if I had gone through as much as Martin has. I rly did not see this as an omen of any kind, especially with them having that conversation in the middle of the Web’s domain.

This episode was hard. I’m recovering from alcoholism, I’ve recovered from cigarette addiction repeatedly, and also struggle with binge eating disorder which is often treated the same way as an addiction would in therapy. I relate to Francis as a recovering addict, and I thought this episode did an amazing job in illustrating addiction, and relapse, and the little ways addicts get undermined and undermine themselves in the recovery process. I don’t think this episode compared addiction to being a monster, nor do I think it downplayed the mental illness aspect of addiction. I made a post earlier about how these statements are mad with heavy bias, especially during the apocalypse, and they’re about fear. Recognizing that addiction is a mental illness and showing it as such does not translate fear, and if it did, I feel like that would be more the Corruption’s domain than any others. The Web is about not being in control, it’s about not having a choice or free will, it’s about feeling trapped by the choices you once made and are unable to make choices that contradict those. With addiction, that is a very real feeling. You can tell me all day that it’s mental illness, it’s rooted in depression or anxiety or whatever, and all you have to do is treat that cause and address it blah blah blah. I know. We know. But when you’re struggling with a relapse, or a near-relapse, it does not feel like you’re in control, it does not feel like you are driving your own body. It feels like someone else is behind the wheel, and you hate that person, and you are terrified of that person. That person is ruining your life and you feel like you cannot fucking stop them. But then you do! You can do it. And a lot of us succeed, and I feel like if the world hadn’t ended, Francis would be doing okay. Just like I’m doing okay. And the countless other recovering addicts I know. But in a fictional world, where our fears are actual entities, with physical avatars doing their bidding everywhere, in an apocalyptic hellscape where the fears EXIST ON OUR PLANE of reality, where people are forced to live through their greatest fears forever.

Idk, i just thought this was a really good episode and I’m debating blacklisting TMA until next week lmao.

I just wanted to add this bc I rly don't want ppl to eventually come at me about their personal experiences w addiction and just... Jonny confirmed that he wrote this episode from his own experiences as an addict and his fears regarding addiction, plus that season 5 is about fear not truth so.

Read the following tweets before trying to push your experiences as the "truer" experience or whatevs I've already been seeing.

[kineticallyanywhere]

got tagged by @writingondaisies! 

How many works do you have on AO3?

14 (there’s one I should move from ff.net soon, but it’s not there now)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

270,817

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

In order of recencey... Dungeons & Daddies, RWBY, Red vs Blue, The Flash/Arrowverse, Danny Phantom, Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja, (back into ff.net days, Kim Possible, American Dragon: Jake Long, a Percy Jackson one-shot... another thing... Warriors)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Mind over Matter (Red vs Blue)

Fourteen, and four thousand, years old (RWBY)

Flying, falling, stand your ground (RWBY)

The Way Out (Red vs Blue)

Washin’Boose (Red vs Blue) 

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to for long-running fics and for especially long or intense comments, but I’m usually just so nervous ;<; they all warm my heart tho, there is not one that I haven’t read more than once

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I’m typically allergic to straight tragedy, but... I think probably Put your Stampler in a box (D&Dads), since the whole thing is a hypothetical lead-up to a magic teenager going on a rampage. Mind over Matter has a really emotional ending, but I like to think it’s more bittersweet than straight angst. Fourteen, and four thousand, years old swerves into angst, but nobody’s dying or anything so... yeah!

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Heroes Under Drinking Age is the incomplete MASSIVE thing which is supposed to ultimately crossover Danny Phantom, RC9GN, American Dragon, and Kim Possible. I hit a hard writing wall on the ADJL and KP side and just never got over it :( I still dream of finishing it

Oh I guess there’s also a TMA-D&Dads crossover I’ve put some thought into, where after s5 Jon and Martin land in Faerun to replace The Library, and they get to decompress in this strange world, meet the Likelys, and hear about the eldritch-adjacent beings from other worlds. 

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope! (knocks on all the wood) at least not if you’re not counting someone pointing out spelling stuff unsolicited or stuff like that. 

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

n o p e 

when I did Demons not sold separately (D&Dads) they kiss like two times and talk about the prospect of doing more, but it doesn’t go anywhere cause there’s kids nearby. I tagged it as “ace writing allos” just in case, cause boy howdy do I not know what I’m doing in that department ^u^’

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of? I wouldn’t know where to start checking for that and if it’s happened, no one’s told me about it

Have you ever had a fic translated?

only in my dreams

Washin’Boose got a pod-fic tho!! 

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I don’t ship too much and I slide around a lot when I do, but Clark KentxLois Lane 4ever

Whats a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Heroes Under Drinking Age, my beloved...

I’ve also got a number of AUs for DnDads, some with enough written that I may as well post some of the stuff as one-shots to maybe expand on later. One is a high school au where Hen (14) comes to Earth early, another is an exploration of what it might be like to be a sort of demi-god descendant of a chaos entity with the Doodler Cult coming back (called Puberty, ????, and You). Idk if Done Sons and Dragons counts, cause that’d be a whole comic. I’d love to publish something of at least one of these

And then there’s a half-baked idea for Yet Another Oscar Time Travel AU for RWBY, that would take place starting after v8 and would feature Oscar and Emerald traveling back to the series start (on purpose.)

What are your writing strengths?

I’ve gotten quite a few compliments on my prose and scene pacing! I like writing prose like it’s the thought process of the character I’m following, and I often find myself getting a bit poetic about it. I’m a big fan of parallelisms and using repetition for impact. 

I also put a lot into trying to match the original tone of the content I’m writing fic for, and have gotten quite a few compliments on my character dialogue. I just get their voices in my brain and they don’t leave. On only one occasion have they paid rent. The freeloaders. 

What are your writing weaknesses?

I bite off more than I can chew and never finish 

I worry a lot over making sure emotional beats connect, and that it doesn’t feel like I’m jumping from point A to point C, and I’m afraid that makes me over-explain point B. Like I was rereading HUDA: Alpha after I posted it to ao3, and I have a lot of grace for my high school self, but some parts of that fic could have been smoothed out quite a bit. Parts of Mind over Matter are a bit wordier than they needed to be, too. 

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I feel like it’s best done by people who are fluent in a language. Language isn’t just changing words from A to B, it comes with cultural connotations and altered meanings and layers that are only going to come across perfectly when it comes from someone who knows exactly what they’re talking about. so like if I were ever to use more than a few words or a common phrase in another language in a fic, I’d find someone who actually speaks it to help me out. 

as for how to format it... if the meaning needs to be understood by the reader, you may as just put it in the fic’s main language and alter the formatting (like with itallics) or dialogue tag to denote that they’re speaking another language. If it’s small bits, I don’t super mind footnotes at the bottom or just leaving it untranslated, like a special bit for people who speak the language or are willing to look it up. 

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

warrior cats! me, my best friend, and my older sister all had OCs and were part of RainClan, our OC clan. Their camp was made in the trunk and branches of a big willow tree that made a kind of sheltered dome. I didn’t even know what fanfiction was back then

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

Mind over Matter. Hands down. For one, it’s actually done. That would put it in contest with The Way Out, which is also multi-chapter and complete, but MoM is WAY longer and took SO much more work but was SO worth it. It started as just scratching an itch and then grew into something that helped me prove to myself that I can do a long-term project, including themes and foreshadowing and narrative hootenanny and character arcs and character relationship arcs. the html coding. It was a great time, I’m so proud of it, editing it helped build one of my best friendships, and there is nothing I would trade that experience for. 

tagging @aryashi, @cinaed, @hedgiwithapen, and @glowstickia

[cirrus-grey]

Ao3 Year In Review

I don't normally do these, but I'm really proud of everything I've written/posted this year (and utterly flabbergasted at how much of it there is) so I thought it would be fun to share! Format by @athina-blaine

Top Fandom: The Magnus Archives (55 works) (Yes, that's more fics than there are weeks in the year. No, I don't know how it happened either.)

Date of First Fic Posted: Jan 5, 2020 (1,000, 435 words) (Only fic that's not TMA)

Top Multi-Chapter Fic: Yesterday is Here (53,319 words) Written in ten weeks, posted in twelve, this was the first major multi-chapter story I'd ever posted and I cannot believe how much it took off. It was a purely self-indulgent outpouring of fluff, feelings, and love for TMA, and I never could have predicted how popular it would become. Seeing how much joy it has brought people has been one of, if not the, highlights of an otherwise stressful year, and I am so, so happy that I was able to share it with all of you.

Top One-Shot: Feels Like Lightning (6,065 words) Inspired by and written for the Aspec Martin Blackwood Week collection! My favorite thing about this one is how many people in the comments have told me it's gotten them questioning their own sexuality and possibly realizing they're ace.

Fic You’re Most Proud Of: Tied between A Matter of Diplomacy (57,758 words) and Unsent, but since Unsent also fits another category I'm going with AMoD here. Though 'Yesterday is Here' was the first multi-chapter story of this length I'd ever posted, 'A Matter of Diplomacy' was the first I ever wrote. I learned an awful lot about worldbuilding, balancing plot with character development, and constructing a consistent and engaging narrative through the process of writing it. I'm most proud, though, of the fact that I wrote it, at all. The main story took me a year to write, and the follow-ups added another several months onto that, and even though there were several times when I lost motivation and stopped writing entirely, I always managed to pull myself back and get started again. This was a marathon, not a sprint, and I'm very, very proud of finishing it.

Fic You Wish Got More Attention: Honestly? None of them. I have been absolutely blown away by the amount of hits, comments, kudos, and bookmarks my stories have gotten this year, and there aren't any I could point to as "wish they'd done better."

Fic That Challenged You The Most: Unsent (8,683 words) I spent hours staring at the wall thinking "what exactly is Jon's motivation and mindset here? What about Martin's?" and then used those hours to write a two-sentence text before starting all over again. I had the transcripts open in one window on my computer, and my draft open in another, analyzing single lines of dialogue from the show to figure out how they felt about each other, and how much of that they'd be willing to put into words. I pulled the timeline apart piece by piece trying to work out the order of events, and who knew what when. It is the single most in-character, canon-compliant story I've ever written, and it was hard.

Favourite Quote/Passage: (From In this harsh world, 1,132 words)

"How?" he chokes out, speaking the words into the crook of Jon's neck. "How can you expect me to go on without you? To be happy, without you there?"

"There'll be other things, other people, that bring you happiness. There always are."

"I don't want that," Martin says, and Jon takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I don't want to have to move on without you. I can't- I can't just let you go like that."

"Then don't," Jon whispers, and holds him tighter. "Moving on isn't letting go. Carry the memories. Keep me in your heart. Be the Horatio, to my tragic Prince Hamlet." He draws back, placing his hands on Martin's shoulders and looking him in the eye. "And in this harsh world, draw thy breath in pain to tell our story."

"Jon," Martin sobs.

Jon leans in, and kisses him. "There's no one else I'd trust more to do it," he says. "And know, with every day that passes, that I'm so, so proud of you for making it through."

Total Words Posted: 239,477!

[dragonologist-phd]

3, 8, 27 and 36 from the best of asks?

Top 5…

3. headcanons/drabbles/blurbs

safjkflgj this is why I need to put everything on ao3, i have no memory of whether i did any tumblr-only drabbles this year...so let’s just think about some headcanons!

1. big kudos to whoever started that tag game a while back of ‘in the TMA-verse what Fears would OC’s be avatars of’ because my thoughts on that spiraled (get it?) until I wrote a whole new fic because of it

2. this is a random thought i had a while back and never worked into anything, but...Piper has had a lot of roles with performing/singing/acting, and as a tiefling, there are not a lot of acting roles people would offer her. Meanwhile, the Minagho/Staunton debacle is a famous, fucked up tragic romance and you cannot convince me that no pretentious writers in Mendev ever tried to turn it into a historically inaccurate epic. What I’m saying here is that Piper has absolutely played the role of Minagho in some underground, underfunded production of ‘Love In The Ruins Of Drezen’

3. Lilith spends most of her time in Hell after closing the Worldwound and becoming a true devil, but she makes frequent trips back to Golarion to visit friends, keep her followers in line, and get that kiss that Wenduag promised

4. this isn’t a headcanon but I did have to sit a while when the 10-minute version of All Too Well dropped this year and i heard the lyric you kept me like a secret / but i kept you like an oath. and that line just kept playing in my head in relation to Thaos/Nona and I don’t have a drabble or headcanon or anything but damn.

5. Allys and Zevran end up adopting five children once they’re settled in Amaranthine. This is not a new headcanon, but I referenced the kids in one of their fics this year and it just makes me happy to remember they exist

8. characters to write for

1. Piper Chanterelle- obvious choice, as I’ve written for her a lot this year. WOTR is awesome and I love Piper so much more than I expected, she’s just so delightful and fun and the Azata path took her character in places I did not expect but which suit her perfectly, and it’s been really fun to dig into that a little with her fics!

2 & 3. Marja Aeducan and Darvis Brosca- talking about them together because I literally have to, their arc are so intertwined I cannot possible separate their development. I love character foils and I love rivalry-to-friends dynamics, and I love how these two interact and affect each other. I’ve finally gotten to the point in their story where they’re working together more, and they’re just such a fun duo

4. Nona Vercae- as always! she’s so interesting to write and i will never get tired of writing her, I will be making more AU’s and headcanons for this character until the day I die

5. Desta- my comfort character <3 I didn’t write a ton for her this year but she’s always on my mind, one of my all-time babies

27. sweet moments

1. Well, of course the first choice has to be Friendship Among Thieves, where Woljif finally gets the post-quest hug he so very much deserves! This was one of the first moments I knew I had to write about, because Woljif is the brother Piper ever had and this conversation makes so emotional and I can’t believe the game didn’t end it with a hug

2. The entirety of A Gentle Life is about Piper and Aru getting the soft epilogue they deserve, because I love them and their very sweet romance

3. The moment towards the end of Making A Family where Kanerah says she likes the idea of adopting a child with Mercury, and they talk about family and Mercury reassures her and tries to soothe her fears

4. Chapter 14 of If The Creeks Don’t Rise, when Desta falls asleep in Aloth’s arms while listening to him read, and Aloth says ‘I love you’ for the first time while she’s sleeping <3

5. Chapter 2 of lover, be good to me, when Allys gives Zevran the gloves and he realizes he’s starting to actually fall for her

36. comments received

(I love all comments dearly, to anyone who’s ever commented on my stuff please know I am sending you virtual cookies and hot chocolate)

1. @grumpy-jedi always leaves wonderful comments on my Nona fics, and the comment for If The Heavens Ever Did Speak is especially lovely and sweet!

2. @serenbach86 had some great comments on The Dunryd Archives that I really appreciated, especially since it’s such a nice premise! XD

3. speaking of, @adraveins also left some fantastic comments on that fic! that ones so great to comments on because y’all have wonderful ideas and interpretations of your own about that type of AU!

4. I had someone go through a bunch of my DA fics and comment on all of them, and it’s always so great to see that someone liked one fic and then came back for more <3

5. Shout out to the person who recently commented on like 6 chapters of ODAD in a row with just “nice”. there’s something very endearing about that

2021′s ‘Best Of’ Ask Game

[suttttton]

The Sum of Which (Will Never Make a Whole)

Plot twist: I actually wrote two timsasha angst fics for @bookish-bi-christian for the TMA Valentine’s Day exchange. Happy Valentine’s Day, part 2!

(AO3 link in the source!)

~*~*~*~*~

The wallpaper on Tim’s phone is still a picture of Sasha, from a trip to the beach they took together one weekend. In the photo, Sasha is on Tim’s back, her arms tightly crossed around his shoulders. She’s wearing a big sunhat and grinning.

Except it isn’t her in the photo, is it? It’s the thing that killed her.

Tim opens his phone’s camera roll. It’s full of pictures of her, of her and Tim. They were always together, up until the worm attack. Best friends. Love interests.

He scrolls through, anger and grief running through him in equal measure. Sasha had loved trivia nights, had loved half-planned adventures to new places, had loved binge watching murder mystery movies when she was sick. Tim has so many photos of her, and—she isn’t in any of them. Not anymore.

He finds a photo of himself, asleep in what he recognizes as Sasha’s bedroom. Sasha had clearly taken it, and Tim is struck by the softness of the moment, the quiet vulnerability of falling asleep in someone else’s presence.

The next photo had clearly once been a selfie. Tim is still asleep in the background, but in the corner of the shot is Sasha’s grinning face, very close to the camera. A photo that Sasha would take for the sole purpose of sending to Tim to tease him.

But it isn’t Sasha in the photo now.

Tim feels suddenly furious. All these memories he’d shared with Sasha, soft and vulnerable moments together, and every single one is now populated with the face of the thing that killed her.

Tim deletes the photo. Then he deletes all the others, too, every photo that Sasha has been erased from.

When it’s done, he doesn’t feel any better.

***

Jon was always bad at hiding his emotions, and that doesn’t change when things start to go to hell. If anything, he gets worse at it, dragging himself around the office like an injured puppy.

From the moment he steps out of his office, Jon is already telegraphing his nervousness so clearly it could probably be seen from space. He’s got something clutched in his hands, and Tim wonders for a moment where he’s headed, before Jon starts clearly making his way towards Tim’s desk, looking at the floor the whole way.

It annoys Tim, more than anything else. What right does he have, acting like he expects Tim to hurt him? He’s the one who trapped them all down here. He’s the one that got Sasha—

“What?” he snaps, when Jon reaches his desk and stops, still looking more at the floor than at Tim.

“I—here,” Jon says, and now Tim can see that what he’s got in his hands is a photograph. A polaroid. He hands it to Tim, and Tim stares at it for a long moment. It’s a photo of Jon, younger and unscarred. He’s scowling, and standing next to him is a woman Tim doesn’t recognize. She’s taller than Jon by a good few inches, and her arm is around his shoulders. She’s black, her hair falling around her shoulders in long braids. She’s grinning from behind orange glasses that take up practically half her face.

The photo is labeled, Sasha and Jon, 2012.

Tim wills himself to recognize her, to see anything familiar in her face. But there’s nothing. When he thinks of Sasha, the only image that comes to mind is of that—thing.

Tim’s eyes are burning, and he blinks heavily. He looks up, wanting to ask—But Jon is already halfway back across the room, fleeing back to his office.

“Jon!” Tim says, and Jon turns, still nervous, his shoulders hunched.

“I’m sorry I didn’t find it sooner,” Jon starts before Tim can say anything else. “I-I’ve been looking everywhere, but I thought it might have gotten lost when we moved down here, and I didn’t—I didn’t want to get your hopes up, in—in case I couldn’t find it.” He swallows. “That’s her, though.” Jon’s voice is thick, and Tim realizes that this is also Jon’s first time seeing the picture, his first time seeing what Sasha actually looked like.

Jon had also been Sasha’s friend.

“Do you have any other photos?” Tim asks, suddenly desperate, his voice rising with hope.

“I—No, I’m sorry,” Jon says, and the hope sinks until he continues, “That’s the only polaroid I have. It—Everything else just has the, the Not-Them, so—”

“But you do have pictures, right?” Tim says. “You didn’t—delete them?”

Jon stares at Tim for a long moment, blinking. “I—No, I didn’t. I made a locked folder for them, so I wouldn’t—But I couldn’t bring myself to—”

“Show me?” Tim asks, and his voice sounds too much, too desperate.

But Jon just nods, slowly approaching. Tim makes room, and Jon pulls up a chair beside him and opens his phone to the right folder.  

Jon starts scrolling through the pictures quickly, and looking over his shoulder, Tim can see that Sasha isn’t in any of them. For a moment, he’s confused. Didn’t Jon say this folder was specifically for photos of Sasha?

Then Jon says, “Sorry, I—I don’t take a lot of pictures. Sasha liked to send me—most of these she took, so she isn’t in a lot of them.”

“Can I?” he asks, his voice shaky. He reaches for Jon’s phone, and Jon lets him take it. He goes back to the beginning, imagining the woman in the polaroid grinning behind the camera.

The first few pictures are of Jon, much younger-looking, back in research. He has an identical expression in all of them, scowling at the camera. But he’s wearing different clothes in each one, and Tim can’t help but smile, thinking of Sasha harassing Jon, day after day.

There’s a pair of photos that were clearly taken in quick succession. In the first one, Jon is looking at the camera with his usual scowl. In the second, he’s turned back to his work, but he’s got his middle finger raised.

It’s captioned, “does your grandmother know you use that kind of language???” and Tim lets out a surprised laugh before moving on.

There are a few more photos of Jon in research, and then one of Jon and Sasha in a dark bar. Sasha’s head is on Jon’s shoulder, and he’s smiling although he looks a little on-edge. Tim looks at the polaroid, imagines that woman in the picture instead.

He keeps scrolling, until he gets to a photo of himself, standing near the door to the research department, talking to someone just outside. It’s slightly blurry, like it was taken in a hurry, and it’s captioned, “new guy is cute!!!”

Tim laughs at that, raising an eyebrow at Jon.

“I told her to stop texting me during work hours,” Jon says, his cheeks slightly dark.

Tim’s not planning to push it any further, until he swipes to the next picture, which was clearly taken from Jon’s desk. It shows Tim and Sasha talking, Tim now seated at the empty desk beside her, just starting to get settled in. It’s captioned, “Who did you pay off to get him to sit next to you?”

Tim looks at Jon, who is now blushing furiously and steadfastly avoiding eye contact. “Was this before or after you told her to stop texting you?” he asked, his voice teasing.

Jon stumbles a bit, and it’s—nice. Warm. This kind of teasing used to happen so easily between them, and now—Well.

Tim looks back at the photo, trying to picture it. Sitting at his desk in research with the woman in the polaroid. With Sasha. For a moment, it seems to stir some memory in his mind, but it isn’t strong. He probably just imagined it. Wishful thinking.

The next picture is of him, his first day on the job. He’s smiling, and it doesn’t reach his eyes, but it’s something. He remembers this.

Everything still hurt from losing Danny, and he was dead-set on finding his answers in the Magnus Institute’s collection. And then he’d met Sasha, and she was friendly and radiant and, for the first time in months, he’d felt something other than sadness and numb anger. He looks down at the polaroid again, imagines seeing that smile for the first time.

She’d smiled like that when she’d taken the picture, saying, “It’s your first day, we have to remember it fondly forever!”

And it had seemed unfair, to get her hopes up that he was a decent person to be around. He wasn’t, not anymore. So he’d said, “I’m not really here to make friends.” And god, that sounded awful, didn’t it? He wanted to discourage her from pursuing friendship with him, not make her hate him.

But she hadn’t even blinked. “Oh good,” she said. “Because, I swear, the people who work here are the most annoying people I’ve ever met in my life. They are only tolerable as sources of gossip, and if I knew you were trying to make friends with any of them, I’d have to never speak to you again.”

And Tim couldn’t help it; he’d laughed at that. It was mean, but she’d delivered it in such an earnest way, and then she’d winked, and… he’d fallen a little bit in love.

He keeps scrolling. There are lots of photos of Tim. Photos of Tim and Jon, with teasing captions from Sasha that make Tim laugh for their wit. And photos of Tim and Sasha, with captions from Jon that make Tim laugh just for the way that the Jon sitting beside him is so clearly embarrassed.

And there are photos of the three of them together, at work, getting lunch. There’s one of the three of them at some dark bar, Sasha’s arms around both of their shoulders.

And then there’s a photo of Tim, asleep on the break room couch, his head thrown back, mouth hanging open in the most unattractive way possible. It’s captioned, “he looks so peaceful”.

And it isn’t like the photo from Sasha’s bed. It’s more casual, more teasing. But it draws up those same emotions, those same memories. Vulnerable moments now populated with the face of a stranger.

Sasha is gone. The woman who liked to take embarrassing pictures, who held the camera and smiled while Tim snored away beside her, is gone. She only exists anymore in one single polaroid, taken before Tim even knew her.

His eyes start to blur with wetness, and he sets Jon’s phone down, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. His breathing’s gone all sniffly, and he can feel Jon’s awkward shifting beside him.

“… Tim?” Jon says, after a moment. “Are you alright?” As if the answer to that question isn’t fucking obvious. There’s a moment of silence, and then Tim lets out a shuddering breath as Jon’s thin arms wrap around him.

Tim wants to shake it off, to yell at him. They aren’t friends anymore, and that’s Jon’s fault, not his. But… They had been friends. When Sasha was alive, they were friends, and he misses Jon. And he misses Sasha.

So, just for now, he leans into Jon, and cries.

[prismatic-et-al]

2, 3 and 9 for stopgap prophecy if you haven't done them already ??

2, 4 and 15 for terror management theory. also 9 actually if you want 😍

right! sun, I adore you, thank you for the ask. 

so, stopgap prophecy -  2: What scene did you first put down?

weirdly enough I actually started sp from the beginning because it was one of those ‘wake up at 3 am in a cold sweat needing to write it down’ moments where I got down the whole introspective intro with him reflecting on the university class. the first actual “scene” I wrote was probably the one with melanie where he spooks her with his spooky eyes. 

3: What’s your favorite line of narration? “Martin!” Jon reaches out, pulls back, ends up doing something ridiculous with his hand involving a very uncomfortable lean against the counter. You’re being weird. He grits his teeth in a grin as his wrist creaks. 

I could have picked one of my prettier prose passages, but jon being an idiot around martin is my favorite thing, so. 

9: were there any alternate versions of this fic?  nothing alternate to what happened in the plot, but I did write a bit of basira’s pov of the events with more of a focus on her using jon as a metaphor for daisy instead of confronting daisy’s condition honestly. didn’t get very far but I do like the concept still! we love the parallels we love to see them.  

and now for terror management theory - 

2: What scene did you first put down?

I believe it was the scene where jon wakes up after prentiss/his second resurrection? either that or the second to last scene with oliver, and the whole realization that the premise of the fic rested upon. this one was actually pretty easy to structure, since it had the built in structure of each mark = a death, plus a few crucial scenes I wanted to hit with the new context of jon’s death anxiety

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

oooh I have many but I really do like this one from the safehouse: 

“It’s okay,” Martin whispers. His voice is thick as mud. “I’m here. You’re here. We’re here, and—We’re here. I know you’re scared. But I love you.”

because I really like the relationship between fear and love that tma introduces, and that even if (both platonic and romantic) love can’t stop or banish the terrifying things, it still carries meaning and value in the face of them. 

9: were there any alternate versions of this fic?

when I was first toying with the idea, before I had any solid premise or conclusion, I was going to have it run all the way to the end and him confronting jonah in the panopticon - there would have been a whole dramatic scene with contrasting characters yadda yadda fear of death yadda yadda but once I actually sat down to it I realized the logic of where jon’s fear was coming from, and so that was scratched. 

one other answer for this would be me expanding this au in general with more stories from other characters which may or may not happen. I think martin could be fun, and I do have a few things written for him in it, but not sure if it will go anywhere.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

probably that it’s a lot of fun to see how many dumb jokes you can fit in a single fic without overbalancing with the humor. it was my first crack at a more overtly comedic tone because I felt like going at this particular subject with just angst angst angst would have gotten old, so I had a lot of fun just putting in stupid things :)

thank you so much for the ask!! 

fic q&a