#I had forgotten to order this issue and I was stoked when I went to check and found this one

[charnauk]

Fantastic Four #25 (Giuseppe Camuncoli Spoiler Variant)

[smallraindrops-blog]

Sweatshirt

(Oh My God, they were roommates.)

Hypnos x male!reader

Fluff, hurt/comfort

1.5k

Heavy Kissing, family issues

roommates/friends to lovers, modern AU

A/N:, for the prompt: sweatshirt, hope you guys enjoy it. It was fun to write. To the Anon, hope this was what you're looking for.

Quickly, you sipped it on and got your backpack on your way out. Just this once, you told yourself.

You didn't plan to take it. It's just so cold out and you haven't done your laundry in a week. It wasn't your fault the bright red sweatshirt was tossed over an armchair, looking better than the only thin shirt you had. It wasn't like Hypnos, sound asleep in his warm bed and would be for the rest of the day, needed it.

💤

You could smell his cologne all day, warm and inviting. You tried to study the textbook and forced yourself to read the words. Dumb words that you need to know for some dumb reason. Why did you think grad school was a good idea?

You looked up from the textbook and its horrible letters, and saw the library was empty.

With some mile guilt, you buried your nose into the collar of the sweatshirt and took a deep breath. It felt dizzying and you closed your eyes.

You didn't have a crush on your roommate, who has been your friend since the first day of college you told yourself firmly. You just really liked his cologne, a lot.

You totally haven't thought about kissing him for years.

You're going to ask him for the cologen name afterwards. And you would never sniff or steal his sweatshirt ever again.

You were such a lier.

💤

You almost didn't make it back in time. With twenty minutes of you tossing the sweatshirt on it's spot on the armchair, Hypnos stepped out of his room with a wide yawn.

"Oh, Y/N, you're back already?" Hypnos asked sleepily, scratching at his chest. Your eyes followed the movement and you had to pull your eyes away from Hypnos.

You went back poking the diced chicken around the pan.

You didn't have a crush on your roommate. it's just been a while. A very long while.

You noticed Hypnos grabbed the sweatshirt and paused. You held your breath; there's no way he could know right?

Hypnos took a sniff and your heart almost fell out of your chest before he shrugged and pulled it over his head.

"Hey, I'm making some butter chicken if you want something before you start streaming." You called out, trying to sound calm.

You blushed at Hypnos' grin, "Aw, Y/n. Did you do that just for me?"

Hypnos peeked over your shoulder at the chicken frying in the pan and wrapped his arm around your waist, his head on your shoulder. "Too bad you're not my boyfriend or otherwise I could ask for this every day."

"Oh my god, Hypnos. Back off, man." You pushed at his forehead. After a moment, he let go with a laugh

"Yeah, thanks. It sounds great." Hypnos said. "Have I told you what happened on twitch last night?"

"Hmm, no I don't think so." You said, secretly enjoying how domestic it was between you two.

"Okay so get this-" Hypnos rambled on and you tried to listen. You really did even all you could think was how much you wanted to kiss him.

Stupid Hypnos and his stupid sweatshirt.

💤

You weren't trying to make this into a habit, you swear after the fourth time. You just saw it tossed over Hypnos' computer chair and took it without thinking.

Which was a mistake because now your professor was explaining something you needed to know and all you could think about was how good you felt in the sweatshirt. The cologne was still just as intoxicating as before and you kept reminding yourself that you were in class.

Just half an hour to go.

💤

When you came home, the first thing you could smell was smoke. You rushed into the kitchen in a panic and pulled the burnt pot off the stove.

Quickly, you tossed the pot into the sink and ran cool water over it. You stared down the burnt noodles that had become one with the pot.

Did Hypnos forget he was cooking again? You sighed, you were going to have to talk to him.

It's when you went into the den where Hypnos normally was, that you saw him. He was shirtless and only wearing a pair of basketball shorts. It was dipped low enough that you were very aware that he wasn't wearing underwear.

And Hypnos was pacing around, holding his phone and pitching his face.

Hypnos was a lazy creature by nature and you knew if he didn't have any biological needs,he would just sleep all the time and never move.

Your heart sank a little, there were only two people in the world that could get a reaction like that.

And apparently, you had just walked right in the middle of it.

"Mom, do we really need to have this fight once a month? I- no it is! This isn't a fun little chit chat. That's the problem with you guys, you never just say stuff as it is." Hypnos snapped back quickly.

He saw you and gestured to his phone, aggravation was sharp on his face but you knew wasn't at you.

You nodded and stepped out. After a moment, you pulled out your phone to order pizza.

You could still hear the argument in the background as you lay down with your textbook on the sofa. Not that you will be able to pay attention to it. You kicked off your sneakers carelessly, trying to listen in on the phone call.

"You know I have a job, just because you don't understand- I don't need to, I graduated too! just because I didn't become a lawyer like mr.perfect -"

You grimaced at Hypnos' tone. You had the misfortune of getting to watch his family's relationships slowly become more strained over the years even with Hypnos' best attempts to bond more. Charon, his husband Hermes and Zagreus were the only ones whom Hypnos talked to regularly now.

Silence filled the apartment and you looked up. When Hypnos didn't come out, you got up.

"Hypnos?" You called out, "Hey, dude. I ordered pizza!"

After a few moments, you walked into the den.

Hypnos had his head in his hands, fingers in his messy curls. The computer was turned off and you could see the phone thrown on the desk.

Quietly, you walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Hey. It's gonna be okay."

Hypnos sighed, tension mostly leaving his body.at your touch. "It's just… I don't know, Y/N. I'm just… It's always one step forward and two backwards with them."

Finally he looked up to You. Hypnos' eyebrows raised in surprise. "Y/N, are you wearing my sweatshirt?"

You could feel the blood rushed out of your face, with everything going on you had forgotten you were wearing it.

"No?" You whispered.

Hypnos stood with a slight smile on his face. "I think you are, Y/N."

"I'm sorry. I won't -" You went to pull it off but Hypnos grabbed your hand to stop you. His other hand cooked a finger into your jean belt loop and tugged you closer. And you obeyed before you even thought about it.

You flushed, not quite able to look at Hypnos or even think about what was happening.

"It looks good on you. I like it." Hypnos murmured softly.

"T-thanks. I won't steal it again..." you trailed off.

"You can keep it. I want to see you wear it." Hypnos said. He let go of your hand, and placed his hand on your hip, it felt so big and warm.

"Do you want it?" Hypnos asked after a moment.

Do you want me?

You met his golden eyes, it was only because you knew him so well that you heard the unask question.

You placed your hands on his shoulders, and nodded.

The both of you meet in the kiss at the same time. Hypnos kissing you felt like most natural thing in the world. Hypnos pulled you flushed against him to deepen the kiss.

You hummed, fingers stoked his chest, loving how he felt against you. Hypnos pushed at your hips as he took steps forward and made you take backward steps.

You broke the kiss to try ask him what he was doing but he catched your mouth into another kiss.

Your back meet the wall and Hypnos blocked you in his arms by your head.

You gasped against his lips when you felt Hypnos press his body against you. You somehow flushed even harder when you felt his hardness against your thighs.

You pulled away from the kiss, desperate for breath. "Hypnos." You said but you couldn't think what else to say.

Hypnos was just as flushed, his white curls mussed. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to do that."

You nodded, "Me too." You kissed him again, slower and sweeter. You wanted to take your time, it still doesn't feel real.

Hypnos broken the kiss and his golden eyes studied your face.

You smiled, "You are never getting this sweatshirt back." You told him happily.

Hypnos just laughed and pulled you into another kiss.

[clevercatchphrase]

2020 Year Review~

2020. Pretty unique year, don’t you think? It’s the first year since 2002 to have only two different digits in it. After 2022, this won’t happen again until 2111. Yep. Absolutely nothing more interesting than that.

Anyway! It’s time I reflect on my 2020, look back on my yearly goals and rant about things that happened to me this year. I made a post like this last year, where I went over my 2019 goals and talked about what I accomplished and what I didn’t, and it’s only fitting I do the same again this year. Read more under the cut for a random stream of consciousness ramble!

So, first things first, let’s look at my 2019 goals;

Finish paying off that last student loan

Put more stuff on my redbubble

Illustrate my own fan fics

Sew at least one stuffed animal

Make an enamel pin

Read one new book a month

Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make

Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch

Boost my patreon

 Paying Off My Last Student Loan: Going down the list, I am proud to say that I FINALLY paid off all my student loans! (and not a moment too soon. The last payment I made was literally days before the first quarantine rolled out). It took me roughly 4 years on my part-time paycheck to pay off all my loans, and once I finished, I had no money to my name (literally; I had less than 1k as emergency money in case of car troubles or health issues). Heck, I’m STILL living at home as a save up for a place of my own. Finally paying off all my student loans DID activate my secret 2020 new year’s resolution, which was to adopt a cat! I did this too, literally a week later! She is the best thing that’s happened to me this entire year and I love her so much and she is the snuggliest cuddle bug I’ve ever met. I’m so happy she’s in my life now~

Put More Stuff On My Redbubble: ah ha ha ha… I thought I did this, but then I went and checked, and it turns out-! I did not. I made art I intended to go on my redbubble, but haven’t put there yet. They are all drawings of some OCs from a game I want to make, but because I haven’t progressed on making the game this year, I never got around to putting more stuff related to it on my redbubble. At the time of writing, there are 7 days left in December, so I guess I could go and put it up on my redbubble right now, but without context on where the characters are from, there wouldn’t be much point, now would there?

 Illustrate My Own Fan Fics: Another goal that I was so stoked to actually do… and then just didn’t. Gee, I wonder why I couldn’t find the energy or motivation to do it this year? Truly a conundrum. (Hey, you know what? If Ghost Switch counts as a fan fiction in a visual form, then I am doing GREAT on this goal. 2.5 years in, 1 of ~4 arcs done, and still going steady~)

 Sew At Least One Stuffed Animal: Okay, I have a valid excuse for not doing this one. I even knew which stuffed animal I wanted to make, and had the pattern drawn out and everything, but I had no money for materials because I had just paid off my student loans. And then, by the time I did have enough money again, quarantine was in full effect and I couldn’t go out to the fabric store. I’m still trying my best to stay out of public places even if the rules are laxer now, because I don’t want to catch the plague even if everyone in my goddamn city thinks and acts like the problem is over already. Even if they’re all wearing masks, even if they’re staying 6 feet apart, I still don’t want to risk it. I will stay inside until health experts give the all clear, and when that day comes, then I will buy some fleece and make a plush.

 Make An Enamel Pin: I ACTUALLY DID THIS ONE. TWICE! Halfway through quarantine, I was feeling anxious and depressed about my job and how they were planning to have me work with the public despite climbing infection rates and positive covid cases. I didn’t quit then, but in a desperate move to try and become self-sufficient, I went to madebycooper and made two enamel pins based on some butterfly dragons I drew last year. They’re on my etsy store now! I even went out of my way to open a P.O. box just to start a small business! I haven’t sold a single pin yet, and I’m actually really nervous to sell my first because I don’t trust the efficiency of the postal system thanks to the actions of the GOP that really screwed them over this year! (If you would like to see my enamel pins, click here!)

 Read One Book A Month: I did this! With dragon books I bought a couple years back! In fact, I read FOURTEEN dragon books, and still have more books for next year to read! The 14 books I read this year were:

 The Hive Queen

The Poison Jungle

Wings Of Fire Legends: Dragonslayer

Dealing With Dragons

Searching For Dragons

Calling on Dragons

Talking to Dragons

The Bronze Dragon Codex

The Brass Dragon Codex

The Black Dragon Codex

The Red Dragon Codex

The Silver Dragon Codex

Dragon Strike, and

Hatching Magic

 To be honest, I had read The Red Dragon Codex years ago when it first came out, but completely forgotten what it was about. I remembered liking it, and I knew the reading level was on the lower side, but the whole dragon codex series was pretty good! So far, the Silver dragon codex was my favorite, and black dragon codex was probably the worst! Hatching Magic was also really slow and bad and had plot points that went nowhere, but the book was written in the 80s, so I don’t know what I expected. The Dealing with Dragons series was very charming and great for the most part, save for one line in the last book that really rubbed me the wrong way, and all the Wings of Fire Books go above and beyond in this third arc. The second legends book could be a little tighter, though (sky and wren are the best duo and I want a book solely about them, but I honest to god do not care about leaf and ivy’s stories.)

 Write one Page of any story every day/ complete at least one fic: I… did this? Okay, I kinda cheated near the end of the year. I was keeping up the one page a day thing for the first four months, but then the world went to shit and my schedule and habits got disrupted and I fell off my good track record. I completed 7 out of roughly 12 one-shots I had planned for this year (my goal WAS supposed to be one short a month, but… you know how it happens) I kept trying to catch up on this goal all year, but the days kept piling up…. Until November hit. I managed to write over 250 pages for Nanowrimo, and I consider this goal a win. 365 pages of fiction in total, which averages out to about one a day~. SHUT UP IT COUNTS.

 Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make: Another goal I didn’t have the mental energy to commit to this year. Truly a mystery to where all our willpower went in 2020.

 Fully Finish Scripting Ghost Switch: still haven’t done this one yet! The Snowdin arc is completely planned, but I just haven’t gotten around to getting the other areas. I’m not worried, though. I know all the major plot points I gotta hit, it’s just weaving them together in a way that flows nice is the final task. I’m not too worried though. I don’t expect to finish the Snowdin arc for another year and a half, at the bare minimum.

 And my last goal of 2020, Boost My Patreon. I did this at the beginning of the year, but then very intentionally stopped about a third of the way through. It didn’t sit right with me to tell you guys to donate to me when suddenly EVERYONE was financially strained from layoffs or being furloughed. I told my patrons the same, and if you ever need to stop donating to me to take care of yourself first, then by all means, please do. I would feel much better knowing you’re using your money to see yourself fed and housed instead of given to me (where it is pretty much only used to buy gas for my car, honestly)

 Welp! That was all my goals for 2020! I achieved 4 out of 10 goals plus 1 secret goal! Pretty much the same ratio as last year, but now this time I can blame all my failures on the pandemic! I don’t feel so bad about myself anymore~

 ON TO 2021!

 I have 11 goals for the new year, again some rolled over from this list, and some from even older years. They are, in no particular order;

 Read 12 new books (roughly 1 book a month)

Finish the first draft of 2019’s Nanowrimo project and rewrite it

Script TDV

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch

Build A Comic Buffer

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal

Finish 1 Song Comic

Make another Enamel Pin

Finish 2 short original comics (this one counts as 2 goals)

Finish the 5 remaining one-shot fics

 Now to go into depth on each one, more for my own sake, really. I want to know exactly what I have planned for each goal this year, and sometimes just looking at a short list doesn’t capture all the smaller details.

 1)Read 12 new books. Same as last year! I The only difference is I might not be able to make it all dragon-related books. (I try my hardest not to buy from amazon anymore, but half-price-books doesn’t always have the obscure stuff I’m looking for)

 2)Finish 2019’s nanowrimo project. If you read my 2019 year reflection, you’ll notice I said I wanted to do some original writing. And I did! The story I wrote for nanowrimo back then was a story I’ve been toying with since 2017, but it was only last year I finally got pen to paper. Now, you may find it odd that the keyword says “finish”. You may think, “but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for nanowrimo?” and to that I say, WRONG! I wrote 50k words for nanowrimo, but the draft was only about halfway complete. I was kinda discouraged about what I had written last year, because I didn’t like how it was coming out, but I did manage to get it half done. Now it’s time for me to bite the bullet and just finish the thing so I can finally revise it and make it into something I DO like. (It’s still gonna be hella long, tho. That’s what I get for trying to write an epic fantasy, I guess.)

 3)Script TDV. TDV is the abbreviation of the game I want to make. I… still need to do so much for this project OTL… In addition to getting the story solidified, I still need to draw art and game assets, and learn how to code for it, both of which are no small task. I keep having some sort of new year’s goal related to this on my list, and every year I just don’t hit this one. Will 2021 be different?

 4)Finish Scripting Ghost Switch. (Or at the very least, get the waterfall arc completely written out). I have a plan to break this down into simpler steps, by focusing on just one arc for a month or two. Every major arc has 2 to 3 parts, broken up by flashbacks, and if I can just finish one section a month, then I should have the entire thing scripted by the end of the year. It’s not a difficult pace, but seeing if I stick with it will be the real challenge, as it is will all my goals it seems.

 5)Build a Comic Buffer: I’m actually working on this one right now! Since I paid off my last loan and got a new job this year, my current Patreon goals are kind of out of date. They had all been centered around me paying off that last loan, and working towards full-time employment, but those are both completed now! So instead, I would love to get to a place where my patrons could read pages at least a week ahead, and to do that, I need to build a buffer. And since I’m working 5 full days a week now, I can’t afford to fall behind. But you can’t fall behind if you constantly stay ahead! I would like to have… a 10 to 12 page buffer. That’s roughly 3 months’ worth of pages to always have on hand in case I get swamped with work, or something. Right now I currently have a buffer of 3, which will cover me for half a January, which is better than not having anything at all, but still not the best. (ultimately, I would love to have a buffer so big, I could queue them up for the whole year. Wouldn’t that be something?)

 6) Sew one stuffed animal: same as last year. ASSUMING the plague gets under control in 2021, I don’t expect to get to this goal until the summer at the earliest.

 7)Finish 1 song comic: I have 7 song comics planned. One is a gift, one possibly for wandersong, one is a collab that’s currently in the works, but I’m waiting on a friend to do their part before I can continue mine, 2 are UT related, and 2 (well, technically 3, but one is the collab) are KH related. It’s one of the UT ones that will probably get finished, if I’m being honest. It’s completely story boarded, and now I just need to ink and color it. I would like to get it done for UT’s 6th birthday, since I made a song comic on the fly for the anniversary this year, and it was fun, and I’d like to do it again! So, look forward to that next september~

 8) Make another enamel pin: I have a dolphin design I’d like to make because dolphins are cute, if not little murder machines. (need to save up some expendable income first, tho. THESE THINGS AIN’T CHEAP TO MAKE.)

 9 and 10) start and finish 2 original short comics: I’ve got some comic ideas I want to do, but I need to get them written out first. I don’t think either would be too long. Each maybe a couple “episode’s” length, if envisioned on a website like webtoons or tapas. They’d both be heavy in allegory, but not overly drawn out (hopefully)

 11)And lastly, Finish the 5 remaining one-shots I had planned for this year but never got around to. I’m going to try to write one every other month. Pure self-indulgent shipping fluff. If I finish these 5, then maybe I’ll ask other people for more prompts and ideas, which I’ve never done before. We’ll see how it goes~

 Also, Like last year, I’d like to look at everything that’s happened to me this year, though to be honest, I’m not sure how much I remember/how accurate it’ll be. God, I don’t even remember what January was like. Who was I back then? Who were we all back then? I guess I’ll start my yearly retrospective in march because, heh, god we ALL know what started happening in march.

 Firstly, I paid off my last student loan! Then a week later on March 18th, I drove half an hour out of my city to adopt a cat and I love her and it was the best day of this year for me. Spring break is just beginning this weekend, but the attendance at the zoo is shockingly low this year. Apparently, a lot of people watch the news, and they’re all taking precautions about social distancing. I wasn’t too disappointed. Fewer people at the zoo, the easier my job is for me. I was looking forward to getting some free overtime on spring break, since I’m broke after paying off that loan, and I’m a cat parent now and have a furry child to feed. Monday rolls around. My manager calls me and tells me that the zoo is going into lockdown until further notice. I worry for the birds I take care of, but understand it’s for everyone’s safety.

 For two months I sleep in and watch way too much YouTube. I join a couple writing discords. I have nightmares about my birds escaping their enclosure and I dreamed one of the security guards I really like at the zoo gets covid and has to go to the ER. I woke up really upset.

 I started and finished BBS for the first time. I also replayed and finished KH2 final mix for the first time. It had been about 5 years since I last played KH2 before my PS2 died, and it was like coming home~ I also finished tearaway, and played and beat Ryme for a second time (which I can’t remember if I did that last year, but it was a fun experience regardless)

 Mid-June, and I’m allowed to start going back to work, be it on reduced hours. The zoo is still closed to the public, but I’m loving it! I get to work with full-time keepers and do full-time keeper things. It’s so much fun not having to deal with the public. August starts to creep up and there’s a rumor that the zoo will be opening to the public again, which I’m not stoked about. I don’t want to go back to standing in one exhibit all day, talking to guests who don’t listen to the rules or to me. 2 of my younger coworkers (who had both only been there a couple of months) get chosen for full-time positions, while I get passed up which really pisses me off. My other 2 coworkers quit when they think we might be reopening because they cannot risk catching the virus due to at-risk family. I am now the last keeper in the interactive bird exhibit.

 I keep working, the zoo slowly opens, but with me as the only interpreter in our interactive bird exhibit, we can’t open because I can’t run the entire exhibit by myself. So my exhibit stays closed. September comes and goes, and then October starts. Now there is more serious talk of opening my exhibit before the end of the year because the zoo expects to bring in larger crowds for the Christmas lights event in November/December. I ask if I get hazard pay or health insurance since I’m doing full-time hours until they hire more staff. They say no.

 I immediately start searching for a new job feeling incredibly indignant/hurt/slighted/insulted/used/abused/ALL the negative feelings at my job. I had been there for 4 years, but never got a chance to work full time, while the two newest hires who had only been there 2 months both got moved up. I can’t help but feel they were holding one mistake I made two years ago against me and never wanted to give me a chance. (that, or they knew I was reliable when it came to showing up for work in such a volatile position that sees a lot of new faces, and they didn’t want to bother going through the process of hiring someone new) I don’t want to risk my life working around guests who don’t wash their hands and don’t properly distance. I don’t want to gamble with my health when they won’t offer me health insurance because I’m part time.

 Mid October, I get an interview for a full time job and get hired on the spot. I peace out at the zoo 2 weeks later, literally 3 days before they planned to open my exhibit to the public. It was a close call for me to escape before they opened to the public (and pettiness was only partially the reason I dipped out so close to opening). Sorry new hires who are now in charge of the bird feeding exhibit. I taught you the best I could in the short time I had. If the managers are struggling with what to do with one less person, I can’t say I feel bad. I can only hope they delayed opening/closed you down again for your own safety. You are not lightbulbs. I really hope the higher ups stop considering you as replaceable as one. Will I go back to the zoo to visit? Probably. But not for a year at least.

 I started my new job the very next day after I quit the zoo, and have been there ever since, (which isn’t that long yet, tbh. Christmas day was my 2 month anniversary). It’s full time, but it’s also a small business, and everyone’s hours this year have been on the short side due to the plague. I understand, though. They don’t want us to work if they can’t afford to pay us. Everyone is nice enough, though some people smoke and it’s hard to avoid them with how frequently we have to go in and out, and I really don’t want to get lung cancer, sorry not sorry, please and thank you. Also, with such a small team, gossip is certainly harder to go undetected, so it’s a relief knowing people don’t talk behind one another’s backs.

 I participated and beat my 4th nanowrimo in a row, I made TWO apple crisps on thanksgiving, and made baklava on Christmas and both of these recipes were my first time making them, and they both came out adequately! I voted the first day of early voting, and I did an art trade/collab with two of my friends for my birthday! (normally we would have done monthly “art days” where we get together and do art projects for fun because we’re adults and we can spend our time together however we want, but the plague said otherwise this year) We drew pokemon and it was fun! (hopefully I can show you all the results soon. At the time of writing, I’m still waiting for the last two colored parts to get back to me)

 I reached 100 pages on my undertale comic, and finish the first arc out of…! (im not sure. It’s either going to be 4 or 5, I haven’t decided yet)

 Over all, I managed to stay healthy as far as I know. I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be this year, but then again, who was? (don’t answer that. I don’t need that kind of comparison in my life right now)

 Will 2021be any better? Honestly? I don’t think so. Not right away, at least. Just because a new year is about to start does not mean the slate is completely wiped clean. The change of the calendar year doesn’t magically make all our current problems disappear. Covid will still be here and cases will still climb when January starts. Small business will still be strained when the month rolls over, police will still go on murdering innocent civilians and getting away scot free, amazon and disney will still be monopolizing all consumer goods and media, and I can’t help but feel like there’s an impending shit show about to go down on inauguration day. I do hope things will get better, though. It’ll be arduous and unpleasant, but I do hope things will improve, because sometimes hoping is all you can do.

 Good night.

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

Life Story Part 77

I remember the day that Sarah came to Idaho, a strange disconnected experience. I knew she had flown in that night, but she didn't really have the time or energy to visit, so she came the next morning instead. I was nervous and felt funny about her seeing me. I knew that didn't make any sense. I heard them knock on the door, and I didn't go to answer it. I let my father answer it instead, the coward that I am. My father called my name, and I came to the door and Alex and her were there, both with shades on their eyes. Both of them real, standing at my door. Sarah was smiling ear to ear, and very tan and kind of strong looking – in comparison to the way I remembered her. She seemed like the kind of person that would look you in the eye and give you a very professional handshake and then make a casual joke to warm things up. I felt like some kind of sickly rodent that had been attached to electrical devices and trapped in a small cage for years – it seemed weird to be standing there before them, and my first instinct was to recoil from the door and scamper away into the nether regions of my house.

Alex was stoic in a put on kind of fashion, as was his usual demeanor. Sarah gave me a huge hug that I didn't even know what to do with. I felt awkward and cold, and guilty about it. I accepted the hug as best I could. The sunlight outside hurt my eyes and my hair was a wreck, but due to feeling like I had to be doing something, we agreed to go down to the park for a bit to visit. I didn't even know what to say. In a sense, I knew Sarah, but she had also changed a lot. So to a degree, I was being greeted warmly by a stranger, and I distantly wondered if this professional was just that good at pretending that she knew who I was. She grinned a strong grin from behind her thick mysterious sunglasses. Alex’s facial expression never changed.

We sat down at the park. It was around noon. I had nearly nothing to say, so mostly I listened. Alex and Sarah joked with one another in the familiar sort of way that revealed that they had basically been around each other for a very long time. Sarah used a bunch of catch phrases and more current new ways to say things that I had never heard before, making me feel pretty old. I have been told I speak like a book character. A few years down the line from when this was happening, someone told me that they could tell by the way that I talked that I had been around far more fictional literature characters than I had been around real people. It wasn't that I was unhappy to see Sarah. I just didn't know what to feel. It seemed so mundane. She had been physically gone for a very long time, and then she was here. I am better at goodbyes it seems than I am at hellos.

I didn't get to see Sarah very much for the next few weeks. She and Alex were trying to fix their basement to live in and doing something like that before having friends over, even friends that she hadn't seen in nearly years. They had to do a bunch of major plumbing involving their toilet. And then when that wasn't happening Sarah was set to visit family members and her grandparents who were now well into their eighties. The ultimate goal was to remodel the entire downstairs of her mother's basement, which was really almost another house – with it's own kitchen, bathroom and two bedrooms and a living room. Her mother knew how to do it, so she was pretty much set to figure it out via her mom's instructions.

So I waited around and felt weird and uninvited to visit. Had I been a teenager I might've written her a long angry letter about feeling excluded and abandoned and low on her priorities and yadayadayada. But I now understood as I had matured a lot, that I was no longer the center of the world, and sometimes I would have to be a none priority, even if I didn't like it, even if I didn't agree, and even if it was at times unfair. Basically, I had semi learned that I had to compromise with people. I couldn't just shriek every time I felt short sticked. And honestly, Sarah and I are two different kinds of people. We function differently. I tend to jump into things without a plan. I generally have an outlined plan, or at least a few fail-safe elements set up so that I don't fall and die, but generally, I feel the most energetic about a project, be it a relationship or an art project, or just a work project, if I free fall into it with my eyes closed. I know that when I do this, I get the best results from myself. This isn't to say that I don't appreciate a schedule or don't like etiquette. Most rules make sense to me. Sarah, though she isn't really one-hundred percent on rules and structure either, has a very strict functioning system – maybe learned and maybe developed from being an only child who didn't have to compete or compromise twenty-four seven vs. me who had to sleep in the same room as my siblings and randomly go between being the youngest, the middle and then the oldest over the course of my youth. Internally, this set her mind up to where, she had a need to organize her life – even if she doesn't want to – even if she really wants to break down. It actually causes her distress if the dishes aren't done to the point where things won't run smoothly for her emotionally. She won't be able to process her issues with other people unless those dishes are done. She may or may not end up doing them, but it all really comes down to  having her stuff in order.

So she wasn't going to invite me over until she had at least one area of her house that was halfway cleared out. Which instinctively on the outset looks to me like she cares more about her housework then she did about me or my feelings, but knowing as I do now about her internal operating system, I no longer get that personally upset. Sometimes I grumble, but that's about it. And sometimes I still actually disagree with this approach, as I think sometimes it's very easy to pretend you are in control of things you aren't, and you can sometimes just put off or never get to things that make you uncomfortable by doing things in this manner. If you let yourself get this way – it turns into repetition, and your brain rewires to that repetitive system and it gets harder and harder to think outside your own bubble. But then again, people can equally disagree with my approach, when they come into my area, and I haven't taken out the trash and the dishes are piled sky high and I have been putting off my phone bill because I have been binge watching television series and writing love letters, dancing around to music, and I've either spent three and a half hours on my hair, or at exactly negative three weeks on my hair, and I have forgotten to leave the house. It's definitely a two way type of thing.

Finally, I guess they reached a point where their house was in order enough to have me over to visit. When I got the phone call, I threw on a clean shirt, and privately leapt for joy. It was so exciting to actually have someone call me and want to hang out. It had been such a natural thing to happen when I was young, but I had gone three years and nobody had wanted to see me. I just remember feeling so stoked about it, like I was Charlie Bucket and I had just found the golden ticket in my Wonka bar. I sometimes get these flashes of extreme excitement, much like I had in the moments of receiving that telephone conversation, where I have troubles not dancing and singing. It sometimes is over very small things, and I have learned to hide it most of the time, or at the very least – try to release the energy over the course of at least ten minutes instead of all at once. It probably makes me look like a huge dork and might make people think I am a total lunatic. Often times, I just go into the bathroom and shut the door, hop around excited, and muffle my happiness so nobody can hear it until I can contain myself again.

But by all visible appearances, I often come across as very reserved, and not the emotional pendulum that I am internally. I am sure I looked sluggish and insecure as I trotted up to her house – and I couldn't help but feel this weird feeling that I had done that a million times before when I was young – walk up to the top of the hill to her house. When I got there, she was working, but she had a place cleared out for me to be. And we talked. She really wanted me to listen to Spinnerette, a band that Brody Dalle had started before she left The Distillers. Remembering that I used to hate her (she was married once to the singer of Rancid, Tim Armstrong – and this made me jealous I guess?) it took me a bit of getting used to. I had internalized this mysterious thought pattern where women shouldn't try to be rock musicians. I remember her skipping to A Prescription For Mankind. Which I liked.

And from then on, we started hanging around one another a lot more. Pretty much everyday we could. I finally had a friend again, and a place to go to when I was feeling down. It was like the old days, only a million times better. I didn't waste any time feeling jealous or upset. Instead we talked about our anime stories (she had one too). I felt like I knew how to communicate now, and it was fun just to talk about whatever. It went so smoothly. I think reading had really helped me psychologically to truly appreciate how to be reflective of myself and to put that into words. I no longer valued feeling superior as much as I valued making a connection. For Sarah, I think work had helped. She had been forced into a setting where it was sink or swim, and when she spent her day to day unable to back out of that, it had taught her to take responsibility for what was around her, and to branch out a bit. Ultimately, this was in some ways the beginning of our friendship having more substance. Obviously we had been friends since we were eight, but I feel like it was when we were twenty-one that we were actually secure enough in our own thoughts to actually be friends in a rewarding way.

Though we tried to involve Allison and David off and on, they ended up feeling very left out and jealous. They didn't think that Sarah liked them. Maybe they were right? I didn't see it that way – but then again, I do have blindspots, and I was so happy to have Sarah in my life again perhaps I didn't really want to notice. I don't for an instant actually believe she actually disliked the two of them, at least not in the way that they interpreted it. From Sarah's perspective, they were both children, and she and I were adults. But I had spent the last few years treating Allison and David as my equals, at least I tried to. So they didn't feel welcomed by her. She liked them though. I didn't realize what the dynamics where going to be like until they happened with me in the middle of it, wanting everyone to be happy but not knowing how to make that possible, as I also wanted to have my own friends and move on from the house now that I was twenty-one.

David and Allison were extremely lonely kids. They hadn't had friends like me, which seems strange to me on a aesthetic level, as both of them were much better looking youth than I was. David had lost most of his friends that he had once had – a small but compact group of nerdier outsiders. The thing about David was that he couldn't handle any kind of hostility. When kids had bullied me in school, I had let them do it – so long as it wasn't vicious. I learned to endear people by intentionally trying to entertain them. I basically survived by means of clown antics and by self abasement. David and Allison didn't have that same kind of humility. They didn't like being disrespected – and their anger kicked in quicker than mine. Life was more serious for them. David had thrown punches at more than a few kids who disrespected him, and it ostracized him. Then he realized that his best friend, a kind named Toby was emotionless. Toby was a genius, with an IQ of 155 or so. So when David was getting into reading novels like the Grapes of Wrath for instance – he felt emotionally changed by what he was reading, and he thought that Toby would get it. Toby read The Grapes of Wrath – fully understood it, but felt no attachment. Art meant nothing to him. The lives of people he could not immediately see meant nothing to him. He enjoyed puzzles and boyish activities like football and wrestling, but he was emotionally dead, at least compared to David. David, despite his many faults, was growing much deeper than the other boys in his class. He cared about the significance of art, music and literature, and the criticisms that came with that. Toby and him grew apart. And then one day Toby was picking on some unpopular girls in the class, calling them ugly, and David grew sick of sitting with the boys he had been sitting with since he was a small child. Between them and my father, I think David felt alienated from other boys entirely, and from then on he basically lived as a loner in school.

Allison had made friends, but it was all centered around this other girl, Mimi. Originally, Allison's best friend had always been Jessica, Tammy's daughter – a mousy girl who loved animals. She also hung around Garen, the boy who had been in love with her – but whenever she liked him back, he had stopped liking her and vice versa, and eventually the feeling of rejection on both of their parts left them kind of distant from one another. And then Mimi came along. Allison felt more connected with her since the two of them shared interest in anime. So Allison and Garen would follow Mimi around and be belittled by her in every way. Not a day went by where Mimi didn't tell Allison she was ugly. I don't know what Mimi is like today, but she seemed like she truly had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. What was very obvious was that Mimi was deathly jealous of Allison. And Allison just kind of caved under Mimi, and was too afraid to tell her to leave her alone. But over the course of a few years, I could see Allison shrinking down over the years.

So Allison and David hated school. Of course I had hated school too, and that school in particular is one of the worst schools, even by Idaho standards – which is fairly low. You spend six years there and you barely learn anything. But for whatever reason, I had always had people around me that made life interesting. Ava was a raving madwoman, Sarah was a close companion and then I had Jason who was this unaffected criminal and Zack this musical poet. And I had ups and downs. I had fallen madly in love in that school. So there had always been ups for me, which of course lead to intense lows but at least there had been something. I didn't just feel dragged in the muck the whole way through, and when I had started feeling dragged I left. Allison and David didn't have those same options. They were just dragged and alone each day, and I had pretty much offered myself up to them unconditionally as a friend, even at our worst.

So when Sarah showed up, I suddenly was a little bit absent. And they saw that I was now had a social life of sorts that they didn't have. And they in all earnest wanted Sarah to accept them like she had me, but she didn't do it. I doubt she fully grasped the significance of their wish to be her friend, just the same as they didn't fully understand how to go about it. We all looked up to Sarah, even me a bit. Allison's approach was to interrupt our conversations and talk about herself and start talking about anime shows she had watched without even referencing what she was talking about, which made things offputting and confusing. She didn't know not to. I never had ever had anything worth saying in the three years I had been stuck with our parents and I had always let her interrupt me. Perhaps I should have considered that letting her do this would end up backfiring on her in the future, but I hadn't. Allison was clearly desperate for Sarah's approval and was completely clueless on how to earn that, other than to act more cartoonish and childlike. This annoyed Sarah. She was composed. She liked Allison, but she would wish that Allison was elsewhere.

David was far more cordial about how he talked to Sarah, but equally as eager to gain her approval. I remember well that when she came to the door he would offer the best seat he could find, offer to take her shoes, and her coat and get her a beverage or something to eat. He was honestly very nice towards Sarah. But still, Sarah more or less just wanted to hang with me. Her psychological boat was too small to hold everyone. She wasn't used to extending herself. I felt badly because I had to look over my shoulder and try to explain that just because she liked me didn't mean that she didn't like them, but that at the same rate they weren't an extension of me and if I went somewhere, they weren't invited. I felt like an ass, but I needed to get away. All I wanted was not to be an extension of anyone. Not in a personal grudge way – at least not for the most part, but for the sake of having autonomy and my own identity, things I had gone without for years now. I had had no life of my own at all, and without realizing it everyone in the house felt like they own me. They didn't seem to recognize how living through other people was diminishing me inside. I think my father was in the same boat even. He too was jealous. He wanted to keep me around, but also wanted Sarah's approval.

I mean, Sarah is a very likeable person, more so than most people. It's kind of weird I have such a sociable and popular friend. Sometimes I would look in the mirror and wonder how I of all people had this friend with so many top notch characteristics that people like. She's funny and sarcastic, knew how to have exchanges in conversation, knew how to become very personable with others very fast. She can be very manipulative if she wants to. People just want to be around her. She's a party favorite. So when Sarah came over, it was always a thing for everyone in my house. David would be upstandingly gentlemanly, Allison would be emotionally plowing into Sarah for attention, my father wanted to laugh and joke and ask questions that Sarah would answer so she could laugh some more. Honestly, a visit from Sarah would make or break the day at times. My father would prepare a fabulous meal, just in hopes Sarah would want to come down for a bite. I would usually just smile at the commotion but the undercurrent of this was this weird jealousy towards me sometimes, or confusion that while she liked everyone she mostly wanted to just be my friend. But it put me in the middle, since she was now this rare and beautiful diamond of a person that I had somehow always had, and everyone now wanted to be a part of it.

Alex never went anywhere with Sarah. If I came over, I rarely saw him unless he was on his way to the kitchen to make a sandwich. He seemed very distant. Sarah rarely talked about him either, so I didn't make much of it. I had no idea what was normal in a relationship. I thought maybe they were comfortable with the way things were. I didn't really mind much. It's not that I had any problem with Sarah having a boyfriend, but she had years earlier decided to sort of put our friendship on the backburner so she could have a boyfriend. I felt like this was maybe her now evening things out. Sarah privately told me though, that Alex wasn't interested in looking for work. I guess he just didn't really want to contribute. He wanted to sit at his desk and eat bologna sandwiches all day. She seemed frustrated and hurt, but there was a sort of pride in her, and she didn't want to speak ill of him.

Sarah ended up getting a job at this place downtown, the senior meal site. For those who don't know, it's a place where, for a very discounted, or even sometimes free price, elderly folks can go down and have home cooked meal once or twice a week. It's a service that relies heavily on charity and government taxes. Also, if old people in town got sick and couldn't leave the house, if they were crippled or was even a hermit that hated other people, the Senior Meal Site would deliver the food to their door. It's a great service ultimately because it's very common for elderly people to become extremely lonely and forgotten about. Old people in modern times are left with this puzzling dilemma of never really having a place in society. I strongly stand by the notion that absolutely nothing about the technology and living standards of the 21st century is natural at all. We are meant to live in small manageable villages of one hundred and fifty people or so, and we are meant to care for our elderly, and live communally – share and trade what we have and so forth. That's why communism makes a certain sound sense to our basic instincts and empathy for how we live – because ultimately that's what we evolved to live in. Most people can't make heads or tails of a global economy, a global shortage, or anything involving our complex and heavily populated planet. So for most of human history, the elderly have been cared for by the small community they live in – if they lived that long.

And for the remainder of human history, most people died before they reached even the age of fifty, and that would be a rare thing to even reach the age of fifty – you could easily die at thirty-eight and it would not have seemed strange. It wasn't until modern medicine that common folk lived that long, and the ones who did were cared for by their families, as women stayed at home and somehow managed everything. That's obviously not a feasible or fair arrangement now, so old people have nowhere to go to often times. Medicine keeps them alive and they die slowly in their homes, in the best case scenario relatively painlessly and beloved by family and friends – but realistically it doesn't end that way for most of them. What a fucking way to die.. it doesn't seem worth it to me, to end it slowly like that. I am not someone who believes we can return to small groupings – I am all about this crazy postmodern world, but you have to acknowledge that there is this fundamental issue with how we deal with senior citizens. Nursing homes are crowded and there is little love for the patients. It's really strange to me, and I am not entirely sure what the answer is – I can only hope that if technology is going to change as much as people say it is, that it will somehow be sorted out at some point into something far more meaningful and possibly humane, that the methods we have now don't reflect into the future. In any case, senior centers have a very positive purpose in society. And since Sarah's mom was attempting to manage the one in Kendrick, Sarah was hired on as a cook.

MySpace kind of died. I noticed that in the course of three months I had lost a fourth of my MySpace friends. And as the months progressed, more and more of them disappeared. I was told it was because facebook was so much better. I thought it was boring, though on Sarah's behest I did start an account. It had more of my personal family members on there, but that didn't mean much to me really. I still intended to keep it, hoping that people would eventually get tired of facebook and come back, but they never did. It was disappointing to lose the connection with so many weird interesting people. They were just gone one day. I intended to stay on MySpace though, come rain or shine, but then one day I signed on and the entire site had taken away just about everything I loved about it. There was no more extensive About Me section that everyone filled out. There was no more private writing place, and the customization was now very minimal – I think they gave you three or four extremely cliché beach view backdrops as backgrounds. And they were attempting to have a feed similar to the facebook feed, only it was far worse than the facebook one. I no longer could really  broadcast myself in a way I thought was creative or really made a true connection with anyone. They also reset my password, and because I had no access to my old email address I simply left one day – resigning myself to the fact that facebook it was I guess – though adding people on facebook is different than adding people on MySpace. Facebook feels more personal, and adding a friend feels a little closer to asking someone out on a date. Obviously it's not the same, but you can't just go around adding endless amounts of people like you could on MySpace. I was able to hack in last year – eight years later to grab a few photos I had left, and I can assure anyone who is curious, it still sucks.

I was sitting at the table with Sarah, when she told me she was going to buy tickets to see a concert in Seattle, and she really wanted me to come. Them Crooked Vultures, which is this super group comprised of the singer from Queens of the Stone Age Josh Homme (who we met a few years back), Dave Grohl, from Nirvana and Foo Fighters, and the bassist of Led Zeppelin. With them they also had Alain Johannes playing as well, which most people have not heard, but he's a genius musician who both makes music and produced a lot of albums for musicians.  I was in shock, and a part of me wanted to say no. It was really strange, because I am not the kind of person that would say no to a concert, and of course I didn't say no. I felt scared and unworthy.

I was afraid because I didn't want to feel things again. I was happier then than I had been in some time. I hadn't had a panic attack in several months, I had something to do all day (garden). I had accepted my mediocrity in the world for the first time ever – I had finally beat down the voices telling me that I might someday find romance or adventure or a high position of importance in the world, or even privately in my head I might get to the bottom of everything in some philosophical way, or enter into some Taoist state of existence. Everyone thinks they are a little special, it's part of our survival as a species, but some people are born with a bird in their heart that wants to break free and fly higher than everything else every moment of every day. That little bird gives you big ideas about who you are and who you might eventually become. If you listen to that bird, you might just fly high – you will become a someone – if preparation and opportunity allow, but it's dreadfully far more likely in an attempt to do that bird's bidding you will fall hard, so hard you will break to pieces. I have such a bird in me, and it never stops. I had finally managed to quieted that little bird (you can't kill them, they won't die). It was a balancing act – to never expose myself to anything that might influence me to start listening to that part of me again. I was nervous about listening to new music, watching movies, or even going somewhere new – anything might set me off and ultimately make me fight back against my chains, which just lead to more pain. I was afraid that even going to the city again would put me in a state of splendor about the world that might cause me to get ideas and hopes, and I might start listening to my little bird again.

But I agreed to go. Clearly you can't say no to such things. I was excited, and nervous. Sarah knew very well she needed to drag me out of myself a bit. We sat down and talked another time around her mother's kitchen table drawing, just like old times but with no Ava to liven things up to a state of hysteria, no Katie to ground conversation in the hear and now. It was just us two, and I started to tell Sarah that I didn't see a future for myself. I didn't want to try ever again. I couldn't see myself leaving the town, and my mind wouldn't let me want anything anymore. Everything I would ever try would be a favor. Everything I touched would fall apart. It would have been better had I never existed, but since I did, I planned on leading a quiet life. I would steadily gain more and more weight maybe, or I would find a way to become thin that wouldn't be healthy, but in any case it was over for me. My life was already half over, if not ninety percent over. I had settled it in my mind and had taken control of my own end. I excluded the suicide pact I had made with myself earlier that year, I told her a great deal of this.

And I remember Sarah once taking note that I was pretty out of the blue one day as I was staring down at my sheet of paper I was drawing on. She didn't say it in a fashion that was flirtatious, just an honest comment. It alarmed me, and my first instinct was to look at her accusingly, to inform her that she was mistaken, I was indeed not pretty at all. I had settled it in my mind that I was ugly years ago. It made life a lot easier, I didn't compare myself to other girls my age anymore, I simply tried to appreciate the internal life I had and the beauty of my ideas. I had once heard some teenage girls laughing at me and calling me ugly in the mall one day, and I had from that point on decided that it was a solid truth. I just accepted it and went with that. No more wasted hours by the mirror wondering. So when Sarah told me I was pretty, I was shocked and felt my equilibrium in confusion. It didn't seem possible that I could be pretty. But she was serious. Obviously, she wasn't trying to tell me that I was a model in the making and didn't even know it. She just thought I had a pretty face really. I couldn't accept compliments, so I eventually laughed it off, and eventually accepted she was lying to make me feel better about myself. If she or anyone else in the world actually did think I was pretty, it's best I didn't know about it.

I had started listening to more of The Kinks. I had always loved my Village Green Preservation Society album and played it to death, but I had started to expand from there and listening to all of their albums. And then one day I decided to watch them live on youtube and I suddenly fell in love with the singer, Ray Davies. I believe it was Waterloo Sunset he was performing. I mean, obviously, it wasn't the love one has for a real person they know. I didn't for an instant think I was going to build a time machine and marry Ray Davies. But it was strange for me. I was never attracted to anyone, and then suddenly all at once I saw someone who I just visually was affected by – albeit a sort of famous person on a screen, but a person no less. It wasn't normal for me. I literally hadn't thought anyone was particularly beautiful since Zack six years previous. I think movie stars and musicians are often times very lovely. But nothing really grabs me.

In some ways, I almost think that people in magazines and movies are too pretty – it makes them less relatable and there isn't enough character, particularly in women who generally have to have the same kinds of noses and eyes and hair – with rare exception – not to put down the beautiful people of Hollywood (though I hardly think they care what I think honestly). At times it is honestly semi racist, as women who lack certain European characteristics often get dismissed from being It Girls, and I think that's totally fucked up. I would probably have more interest in Hollywood if they allowed women to have crooked noses and occasional fat rolls. Maybe men could have uneven eyes or an under bite more often. I mean, aesthetically speaking almost entirely, every once in awhile someone with an interesting face makes it into mainstream entertainment and everyone is awed by that person's interesting face. But it's like, dudes, have you guys ever walked around a grocery store? Real everyday people are weird looking and have tons of character flaws that are kind of alarmingly beautiful in the strangest of ways. It is marketable, and if you are interested in art at all, you should always be challenging your beauty standards. It seems silly to me that the majority of popular entertainment is so repetitive and boring when there is so much fresh material, so many new and unique ways to look beautiful that don't even get explored. There is so much beauty out there to capture.  

Ray had this sophisticated elegance to him, he seemed to embody masculinity and a strange subtle femininity and he didn't do it in a manner that was flashy. It was natural. Every tiny element in the way he expressed himself was high art. His face was full of all these complex emotions as he sang. He had a very nice nose. Beautiful long hair, a lovely smile with a gap between his teeth. He wore pokadot button ups and bow ties and soft looking pants. And yet, the visuals I was seeing through my computer had happened several decades ago. That had all happened long ago, my father was probably my age when that had all happened. It wasn't like I was in love with the Ray Davies of today either. He's ancient for one. It's not that I can't admire someone who is old, but he's old enough easily to be a grandfather to me, and that's too old for me. I didn't actually oogle over him as in, I didn't see him and I together in anyway, even if I did have a time machine. He lived in a world that I couldn't be apart of, and his perfection was such that, I didn't really entertain even the faintest idea of being in the same room with him ever. I just admired his mannerisms and his eyes, and his voice, and I just thought the Kinks were genius anyway. It also wasn't sexual. I preferred him dressed in his full attire. I really respect and admire Ray Davies of today, and I fully acknowledge that I am not somehow in tuned to who he is as a person now or then or ever. I guess he just had these moments where I fully understood some kind of inner energy he was channeling. It's a connection that happens with artists and people who connect with their art. I hate the terms 'fandom' and 'fan'. It's belittling to truly admiring another person's work and it's kind of derogatory as in, it is trying to put the way the world of art and music organically can effect you emotionally and as a person like it's the same as being taken in by something meaningless. I don't consider myself a fan of anything art based. I am a fan of sleeping, and food. I am not a fan of Ray Davies. I admire him. And I suppose he mattered as much as he did to me because I didn't feel this way often about anyone. If I got obsessive about musicians and movie stars everyday I might not have been nearly as intrigued and entranced by Ray Davies. But Ray Davies was all there was for me. I was in love with the one that existed back in 1971.

On my twenty-first birthday, my father made pasta and BBQ chicken. We all sat outside on the porch (recently fixed by Zack and Billy) and ate. I remember it being a good birthday. Sarah came over, and it felt like, as most nights, that the party was partially for her. I didn't mind. I was egoless about it, and Sarah was cordial and nice with everyone. She seemed to bring out the best in everyone, and that was a huge relief for me. Sarah had talked to my father, and he had pitched in with her to buy me a set of Prismacolor markers. They are these high quality markers with hundreds of colors. They bleed into one another smoothly so you can pretty much blend colors together rather than sharply change from one color to the next. They don't show coloring lines the way ordinary markers will, and don't bleed through like permanent markers. There are probably twenty shades of skin tones as well. They are easy to use, and almost like painting in a way. They are absolutely fantastic for drawing and hand coloring manga. While a lot of artists who draw anime and manga tend to focus on using digital art to smooth out and bring their pictures to life, but I rather prefer hand drawn stuff. So this was perfect for me.

They were ordered online and didn't end up coming in the mail until a month or so later. Allison and David were both invited and present at Sarah's house. We were sitting around the drawing table in the kitchen and Sarah brought the markers out. I was in disbelief. Each marker is generally worth about three to four dollars, so having fifty of them was amazing. I guess they had been discounted. I was near tears I was so happy. I was excited to use them, though I didn't want to waste them on sketches. I wanted to really make some great art with them. Allison instantly became jealous, and started to cry. She felt like Sarah didn't like her because she hadn't gotten any markers for Allison. This is kind of what I mean when I explain Allison's situation. Normally, Allison would have perfectly understood that this was my birthday present. It was something I was ready for artistically. Allison would have been happy for me under ordinary circumstances. But Allison wanted to be adored by Sarah in this crazy way that made no sense just like everyone seemed to (save Alex, whom didn't really seem to act like Sarah existed). And she also thought that having these markers would magically make her art better. So when she asked if she could use them whenever she wanted, I explained to her that if she had drawn out a full scale pictures that was going to matter, than yes – I would let her use my markers for specific kinds of art pieces. Otherwise, I was hesitant to waste the ink on sketches and pictures that weren't going to amount to much, and that meant the same for me as well.

Future Allison looks back at this situation in shame and defensiveness, as she remembers Sarah being cold towards her, which I think is a little unfair. Obviously she was a neglected young girl, and she didn't know how to channel her emotions. She wanted friends. She wanted to fit in with me and Sarah. She felt that I was getting more quality treatment than her. She, like many people over the years, held some kind of notion that Sarah would fix everything about herself. To be fair, Sarah interrupted the structure of Allison's life by taking me away from the family – which to my siblings and even my parents translated to saving me. And they would look at me and wonder why they weren't invited. It's also true that Allison was a born people pleaser and needed more attention than a lot of people in a very fundamental honest way, but didn't know how to earn that attention or how to please people other than throwing herself in front of them, and it caused her a lot of embarrassment. She didn't like to listen to others either, and mostly wanted to chat about surface things in life. She was a young girl – a very emotionally honest girl, and her behavior was completely forgivable. It just didn't get her any closer to  forging fair and equal friendships with people as she was too insecure to handle any feelings of rejection.

This pattern pretty much persisted with my family for the next few years.

PART 76 - https://tinyurl.com/y95kx2bo

PART 75 - https://tinyurl.com/y9afl9of

PART 74 - https://tinyurl.com/ydfkomx9

PART 73 - https://tinyurl.com/y6vy2jeu

PART 72 - https://tinyurl.com/yaegqs9x

PART 71 - https://tinyurl.com/y6v3ln9a

My Life Story in Chapters, PARTS 1-70 (this link below will lead you to a list of all the chapters i have written thus far).

http://aleatoryalarmalligator.tumblr.com/post/168782771574/life-story-sections-1-70

[domitxnate]

Nate and Emrys in Town - Unfinished

Nate had Emrys meet him at his room, wearing sweat pants and a tshirt for easy removal should the opportunity arise. "Good boy," he said, seeing Emrys kneel at his door ready to go. "What's your feeling on leashes?" he asked, holding one in his hand.

Emrys had worn exactly what had been instructed, his hear was racing the entire walk to Nate's door. He trusted Nate, he knew he was in good hands but he'd never been this naked in public. This exposed. Kneeling in front of the door and knocking he waited patiently, taking the few brief moment to get himself in his proper head space. To drop the fears and leave it all there at Nates door. When it opened he smiled up at him "No issues at all with them Sir." He siad thinking back to his pet play with Ryder and the pet play class.

Nate smiled, "Perfect," he said, attaching the collar around Emrys' neck and held the end of the leash as he came out of his room. "Ya can walk while we're outside, but when we're in stores i expect you to crawl. Ya cannot touch me without permission, nor cum without permission and ya follow all of my instructions unless ya feel the need to use your safeword, understood?" After exchanging his expectations he and Emrys got into Nate's truck - his baby - and drove into town. Once they got to town and Nate parked the made their way to the movie store since he knew he had to watch this "Princess Bride" Silas had been going on and on about. Once in front of some titles, "Alright pet," he said, pulling his cock out of his pants, "Suck on my cock while I look over these movies."

Emrys extended his neck and allowed the collar to be placed around his neck. There was something about it that made his heart tighten a smile rest on his face. Listening to the rules he nodded "Yes sir." he said softly and followed Nate away from the dorm, reminding himself to leave that fear behind and focus on just Nate. Ont the car ride Emrys didn't say much, just trailed his fingers along the collar as he tried to keep his mind blank and his head where it should be. Now was not a time for day dreaming and getting distracted. Once inside the movie store Emrys was on all fours, crawling along with Nate, he wanted to look around, see if people were staring but he kept his eyes on what was in front of him. Kneeling next to Nate he looked up at him with his new order and for a brief second peered around but reminded himself Nate, focus on Nate and without another thought he wrapped his mouth around Nate's cock

Nate looked down as Emrys seemed to hesitate and put his fingers in the boy's hair, "Just us pet. Don't worry about everyone else, you're hear to please me," he reminded and moaned as he felt the other boy's mouth around his cock, slowly sucking it in. Once Emrys seemed to be okay, Nate began picking up near by titles and looking over their movie jackets.

Emrys let himself relax with the hands in his hair he melted. His eyes closed and his breathing relaxed. With the dom's cock in his mouth he bobbed his head evenly his hands on his knees and his tongue massaging the bottom of his cock.

Nate moaned as Emrys got into a steady rhythm, the Dom's cock growing stiffer and harder in the sub's throat. Nate's eyes looked down the aisle, a man stopping to watch the sight, but seemed to pause and carry on, so Nate just continued to enjoy it for a moment. Nate's hand went to the back of Emrys' head, holding his cock into the boy's throat for a moment before pulling him off by his hair. "Good boy, c'mon," he said, pulling at the leash and walking Emrys further down the aisle before stopping again. "Continue."

Emrys was only focused on Nate, his eyes were closed and he had forgotten where he was at. Focusing on Nate no nerves were even in him anymore. When he was held in place he chocked slightly before looking up with watering eyes before being allowed to pull off him and smiling at him. Following Nate he crawled behind him until they came to a stop and Emrys started again again. Returning to sucking Nate.

Nate moaned as Emrys continued to suck down his cock, getting him nice and hard. The Dominant enjoyed the feeling, the eyes watching the submissive needily suck and licked up and down his length. "Mmm, there we go. That's enough. Now stroke yourself for a while."

Emrys moaned around the length in his mouth, when Nate told him to stop Emrys leaned back releasing Nate from his mouth. Sitting back on heels he reached into his sweatpants and with the realization of exposing himself he pulled his dick out and started to stroke himself.

Nate tucked himself back into his shorts and gave a look to Emrys who was kneeling nicely and stroked his needy cock. "Keep goin' while I pay for these," he said, walking to the counter. Emrys was still in his eye sight, but the counter was a few steps away in front of the kneeling boy. After a few minutes the transactions had been made and Nate walked back to Emrys, picking up the leash, "Enough. Next stop," he said, walking Emrys to the door before allowing him to stand to walk back onto the street. Nate was feeling hungry and began walking with Emrys towards the diner when they passed the perfect alley. "here," he said ducking into the alley. "Pants down and bend over."

Emrys stayed kneeling where he was while Nate left, he wasn't far but it was farther away than Emrys liked. He felt odd kneeling alone and stoking himself and he couldn't help but look around every few moments to see if anyone was staring. When the Dom returned and have Emrys the okay to stop he did so and followed him out. Glad to be able to stand he followed behind Nate silently until they came to an alley, looking down at it and back at Nate he nodded "yes sir." He said as he as went into the Alley, pulled his pants down and bent over giving Nate...and anyone who walked past, full view of his ass

Emrys joined the chat 21 days ago

Nate rubbed his hand over his ass before licking a finger, pushing it between Emry's cheeks. "Nice and tight, darlin'," he said quietly, pushing the finger in to begin opening the boy's hole, "You're clearly not getting fucked enough are ya? Stroke that cock for me while I stretch this hole out," he ordered. He rotated and stretched the area, waiting for it to get big enough to be able to slip his second finger slowly inside as well.

Emrys moaned softly at the feeling of the finger inside of him, his body tightening around it for a moment before shaking his head "I'm not Sir. Not enough.." he moaned as he he gripped his own cock stroking it. He rocked his hips backwards wanting more.

Nate moaned as Emrys' body came back against him, begging for more as two fingers moved in and out of the hole, turning and twisting to open him up. "And how bad do ya want it, darlin? Hmm? Tell me how bad ya wanna feel my hard cock inside ya."

Emrys felt weak when it came to this, he gripped his knees as he stifled a moan. Rocking his hips backwards he blushed as he spoke "I want you so bad, please sir...please I want you in me so bad." He whimpered keeping his voice down a bit fearing someone would hear him.

Nate continued to open the boy, rolling his fingers around Emry's opening before pulling them out and pulling his own cock out. "So bad, hmm? So bad that ya wanna feel me fuck ya right here where anyone can walk by and watch me use ya?" He asked, tone sultry and deep as he pushed his head at the opening, teasing until the boy answered.

Emrys shivered as the fingers worked inside him. His eyes closing he moaned before nodding "yes Sir, right here Sir. Please Sir." He begged softly, whimpering as the tip teased him.

Nate hummed as he shook his head, rubbing his cock head along the slick slit of the boy's opening, "Cmon, ya can beg me better than that," he chidded, slapping his hand across Emrys' ass nice and firm.

[hangryandlazy]

la + hawaii apr 19

back again at our favorite place! :) 

although we didn’t manage to cross all of the to do’s off of our lists, this turned out to be one of the best trips we’ve ever had. when it’s just alan and me on a trip, we tend to take the easy route. :P we play it safe and after exploring the city we chill out at the hotel room and milk it for what it’s worth hahaha.

soooo...alan and i had a night alone in LA before ada arrived. our first dinner was at a restaurant called sage plant-based bistro. i can’t remember which location we visited, but the cauliflower wings were BOMB af. also delicious were the avocado jackfruit carnitas and the baked eggplant farmesan. (see video for foodie pics)

the next day, we met up right at this restaurant called met her at a bar. it wasn’t a vegan restaurant although they offered many healthy plant-based options. we got buffalo cauliflower wings again, salads, burgers and french toast and waffles. (see video for pics again!)

this time round, we made our way up to the japanese garden up in van nuy. i was expecting it to be much bigger, it takes you about 20-30 minutes to walk around the entire park. it was stunning, although you can also catch a view of the sewage factory next door.

it was quite a relaxing visit anyway. :)

of course i had to make a pit stop at sip matcha to support the youtubers i’d been watching since high school! a bit too sweet for my taste, but i’d also forgotten to ask them to take it easy on the sugar levels, so that’s my bad. it was delicious regardless!

ada had been raving about this salad place called sweetgreen for years now, so of course we ended up ordering seamless that night! the pics aren’t that great so i’m leaving them out of this post, but damn that’s some good salad. 

another reason why we’d ordered in that night was because we had to head out early the next day to make our flight to big island. so *long story short* we had some misunderstandings and ended up having to fly to big island to transfer to honolulu. i’d been dreading the layover from the moment that we got our tickets issued, and we both ended up hating sitting around in that small outdoor airport for several hours (they had a power outage so the ice cream in the freezer was melting) that we bought one-way tickets immediately from honolulu back to los angeles to secure seats on a direct flight for when we head back a few days later. it was miserable! (yeah i know i’m a spoiled, high maintenance bish lolll)

when we finally landed in honolulu and picked up our rental car, it was about the same time that ada was supposed to land, so we headed back to the hotel together. we stayed at the modern honolulu together. alan and i had stayed there as well when we had visited 2 years ago, and we both loved the deco/aesthetic as it was (like its name suggests) much younger and more modern than the other hotels down the strip. the location was also quite nice because it’s right at the beginning of the strip, so we’re not stuck in the middle of a sea of tourists, but right on the edge of tourist city and local life.

we ordered in that night because we were pooped from traveling all day long, and we just wanted some comfort food and veg out in front of the tv before our big day the next day. what did we have in store for ourselves? WELL, we only had to wake up a tad bit earlier to drive over to the north shore to join a shark dive!!! we joined the one ocean diving team’s free diving expedition. i don’t think our program is really considered free diving, since we had snorkeling gear on, but it sure sounds a hell of a lot cooler than shark snorkeling, so i’m going to call it diving from this point onwards (although, if you look closely in the photo below, you’ll definitely notice that we don’t have diving tanks strapped to us and we’re just using flimsy snorkelling gear and flippers.

i was so proud of myself for taking the plunge and diving in right alongside everyone else. the waves were pretty rough, and i’m not familiar with using a snorkel, so it was actually quite confusing to me for a while. i had already warned ada and alan back in hong kong, before we’d even flown over, that there’d be a big chance i’d chicken out of the entire dive altogether. 

i ended up staying in water the longest! i almost didn’t want to leave. (i mean, it did take me a while to muster up the guts to even get in at all lol) it was such a thrilling experience, i’m so glad i went through with it.

when we got back to shore, we treated ourselves to smoothie bowls from haleiwa bowls. i’d been wanting to try this place out for ages, but the last time we were in hawaii we didn’t rent a car, so we didn’t want to venture out an hour north of the honolulu on an uber... turned out it was just a couple minutes walk from the shark snorkeling registration area, woohoo!

we got 3 bowls to share between the 3 of us (obviously more to share between me and ada lollll) we got a hapa bowl (acai/nana/strawbs/blueb smoothie with granola, fresh nanas, coconut flakes and hawaiian honey), a paniolo bowl (nana + pb + dates topped with granola, nanas, strawbs, cacao nibs and hawaiian honey), and also a blue majik spirulina chia pudding. honestly, they were delicious. not sure if it was because everything was hawaiian and fresh, or if it was because i’d seen their bowls on ig so many times before, or maybe we were just starved from all the adrenaline and excitement. 

we went hiking the second day, and as aesthetically pleasing this piña colada combo looks, they tasted pretty bleh. not refreshing or anything..

this was the diamond head lookout trail, although it was paved and quite easy so i’m not really sure at what point these pictures were taken. :p we stopped at a couple spots along the way.

before we headed off! (we threw away the fruits after the photo :p i know, a waste :( but no one wanted to lug them around on the hike)

on another day, we rented a jeep and drove up to the ho'omaluhia botanical garden to take some jurassic park themed photos :)

after we scouted out this spot and took a bunch of pictures here, other cars started to line up to make use of the backdrop as well hehehehe

we flew back to la to spend the rest of our holiday! for 420, we went to by chloe for vegan fast food (YUM) and then went off to universal studios. i didn’t realize until much much later that alan didn’t want to spend his 420 there, no clue why he didn’t just let us know sooner! i was pretty stoked that i won 2 toys at universal hehe.

our other best friend crystal was also in town, so of course we met up with her and ate more good food :P

(those are her hands grabbing the truffle pizza! haha)

and that concludes my la/hawaii trip! it was one of the best trips i’d ever been on, hands down! (even though it took me uhhhh 8 months to finally post about it hahahaha)

[imnoexpertblog]

Read It, Play It, Watch It

5/25/18

IT’S FRIIIIIDAYYYYYY! The weekend is upon us! I’m so happy I get to sleep with my love the next two nights. Sleeping without him all week sucks. I might sleep more soundly when I am alone, if it was at least at night. But I sleep during the day with the light and heat and noise, AND I sleep without him, on top of all that. I shouldn’t complain, though. Third shift has brought our family a lot more money and a lot more quality time together. Working second shift was hard because I never saw my boys. I would go to work for 3:30pm, Baby would get done with first shift around 4:00pm, meaning we didn’t see each other even in passing. I wasn’t home until quarter after 11 at the earliest. Sometimes Baby would stay up until I got home to say goodnight and so I could get a kiss, but that was way too late for him to be awake with how early he needed to be up the next morning. Nugget of course is asleep WAY before that, too. So sleeping without Baby five days a week is a small sacrifice in comparison to the pros.

Anyway! Let’s get down to business! Let the entertainment blog commence.

I know for a fact of a lot of people aren’t about reading books/novels. I will keep putting them in my blog to hopefully entice you all to pick one up and read! I think it’s so relaxing and soothing. Honestly. But I’ve always been one for words, whether it was reading them or writing them myself. I’m sure you can tell. While I wait on my boss to bring me the third Last Vampire book (the series I mention in my first entertainment blog,  "Entertainment-Centered" by Christopher Pike), I started reading IT by Stephen King. Yep, the clown movie is based on a book. I’ve come across a lot of younger people who didn’t know that. I need to start by saying I am reading this book after having seen both he original movie and the first part of the new remake. I didn’t watch It until I was about 20 years old, and it came out in ­­­­­1990, six years before I came out (LOL). I’m a little late to the party, but hey I wasn't even alive at the time. People go nuts for the new one, though! And I think it makes sense. I really enjoy the movies. Not to mention the guy who plays the new IT, Bill Skarsgard, is actually pretty hot in real life LOL. Crazy how you can get someone who is attractive to look so creepy. Back to the book. After having Baby watch both of the movies, we started googling if there was anything about the second movie out on the internet yet. We stumbled upon reviews that compared the book to the movie and there was talk of very weird scenes in the book, such as sexual scenes and of the like. I was so confused and it honestly got me curious. I had quickly forgotten about it though until my little sister (I call her Vanny) told me she got the book as a gift. She said she would never read it so I said give it to me! When I got it from her I was like, “HOLY SHIT.” Excuse the vulgarity but that book is EFFING MASSIVE. This is easily going to be the largest book I will ever read. It doesn’t seem like I am very far into yet, but considering there are about 1,168 pages… It will take at least 300 or so to get a good dent into it. This will be a multiple-part review because of how long this thing is. Stephen King is a man of detail, hence how long a lot of his works are. Sometimes I like it. Sometimes it’s overkill. I haven’t reached any unnecessary scenes yet but I hear there are a few. I can see differences from the movies already, but I won’t go into detail so I don’t ruin anything. Reviews are more positive than not. I think it might be harder to read anything this long. It will be an accomplishment, that is for sure. Knowing the general path of the story, I wonder if I will grow impatient with the book. I’m thinking if I read about 30 pages a day before bed, I should be able to get it done in a month and a half (skipping some days here and there). That seems to be a good game plan. Lastly, I am wondering if IT will scare me as a book. No writing has ever freaked me out like a movie can. I actually have somewhat of a sleep issue (I haven’t been diagnosed with anything because I’ve never officially told medical professionals about this so I wouldn’t want to call it a “disorder” or anything) which worries me while reading or watching something scary. I will get more into that in my next blog; it’s going to be a personal one for sure.

I may have mentioned in my About Me that I am obsessed with Harry Potter. My Aunt got me my first Harry Potter books when I was pretty darn young and I had no idea what it was, but I gave it a shot and read the first couple books within weeks. Nothing compares to how I feel when I read those books, especially the way I felt when I read them for the first time. HP is one of the most positive and heartwarming memories from my childhood that has stuck with me through everything. Watching the movies was almost just as amazing because of how young I was. Seeing my favorite books come to life was like a dream come true. I grew up with it all. The first movie was out in 2001 when I was five and the last one came out in 2011 when I was 15. It was a long five years between the end of HP and the movie Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016). I wished so badly I could relive the feelings of HP being new again, but I was very skeptical about Fantastic Beasts. There are connections between FB and HP of course, but it just wasn’t the same. I did watch it, however, and I enjoyed it. Not the same way I enjoy HP still to this day, but enough to make me curious about the second one that will be out this fall Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald. There is talk about the more recent play, “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child” to become an actual movie near 2020? I don’t know if that is legitimate or not, and I also don’t know what I think of it either. I’m honestly looking forward to the day that Harry Potter is remade altogether. I know it will be in the distant future, but I am still looking forward to the nostalgia. So. I went into all of that to adequately explain my love for Harry Potter and how excited I was to play the new Harry Potter Game app for your cell phone (Harry Potter Hogwarts Mystery). Anyone who knows me know that I do not play games on my phone. Even when I was younger, all I played was Words with Friends because that was all the craze when I was in high school. I recently was into the interior design game, Design Home. That was until I got tired of running out of design money so easily. Anyway. I started playing Harry Potter Hogwarts Mystery. It’s set up in chapters. Each chapter you attend lessons, complete challenges of sorts, and gain points in different categories through the decisions you make. You get to customize your avatar, which is fun, but you only get to change so much on the character. Now, I was initially very pumped about this game. Until I played a few chapters. There is a different storyline than the movies, of course, which I actually enjoy. But. All you do throughout the game is click through conversations, sometimes choosing the response, click through lessons that you sometimes run out of “energy” for (meaning you have to wait until you gain enough energy back and that could be anywhere from 4 minutes to an hour and 40 minutes). There are a few spells you get to trace on your phone screen as if you are waving a wand, but that is as involved as it gets. I am on chapter 5 of 10 and I’m already over it. I am disappointed in how simple it is to "play," because the storyline seems intricate enough and the graphics are pretty good, too. Oh well. I will probably finish the game regardless. Either way, this was a very anticlimactic situation for me.

Saving the best for last. The new season of Thirteen Reasons Why came out last week. You may know that this has been very controversial. From the start, I was BEYOND stoked for TRW to be a show. I was excited enough when I found out they wanted to turn the book into a movie. A show meant more content and a longer time watching so I was definitely cool with this. I read the book in a few hours when I was in high school. I couldn’t put it down; I thought it was amazing. It got you thinking, that’s for sure. If you’ve watched the first season, you know as much about the show as I do. If you have read the book and seen the first season, you know the show has more going on in the storyline in order to fill gaps, modernize it, and to create room for future story. I think it’s a very busy show, especially in the beginning and end of the first season (I will admit I was a little bored in the middle). Some people have watched the entire second season already, and I can see why. The first one ended with so many loose ends, really making us wonder a million things. Watching this was very interesting since I read the book and loved it so much. Picking up on the differences right away, deciding how I felt about characters, etc. It was an adventure for sure. I also realized early-on just how hard-hitting this show is. Knowing how many kids watch this show, I was just hoping it didn’t glamorize the idea of suicide. It freaked me out a little knowing my 15-year-old Vanny was watching this. Teens and pre-teens are so impressionable. The show also gets pretty graphic, which was on purpose to get their point across. I do think it’s something to be careful suggesting to others and also something to be extra careful watching if you struggle with depression or suicide. That being said, I do still think it’s really powerful. I’m currently watching the second season and I am enjoying it! This is different for me because there was no second book. I don’t know anything that happens now. But I can say I like where it’s headed so far. Have you seen the first season? Both seasons? None of it? Give it a chance if you haven’t yet!

What are your weekend plans?! I mentioned in my previous blogs that Baby and I are getting tattoos, going to a wedding, and then we will be going up to his family’s cabin. I still really really want to go to the zoo! Hopefully I get to know Nugget’s mother more pretty soon. It’s not easy, being a mother and having some woman (that is random and foreign to you) walk into your child’s life. I know my mother and stepmother have struggled in the past. I don’t blame anyone for initial resistance. I just want to make sure she (and everyone) knows how much I love Nugget and his father, and that I will never leave them. As much as I love Baby, Nugget is everyone's top priority. I have done everything I can to make sure they are living a full and happy life so far. I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon, or ever. These boys are my life now. These last nine months have been everything to me. I can’t wait to keep living my dream life with my two Prince Charmings.

[willreadforbooze]

Hey everyone!!

This week showed us, not for the first time, that this country is going to hell in a hand basket. There is absolutely no reason that black people and people of color are still being murdered by police. We are saddened by the number of people that still don’t understand the Black Lives Matter movement. If your first instinct at hearing that black lives are just as important as white ones is to argue, you are the problem. We proudly stand with BLM and will continue to uplift the voices of black people in this country and across the globe.

On that note, this isn’t the first list of Black content creators that has ever been made (they’ve been circling the internet since the internet was born) but here are some of our faves:

Our very own P$, Parker, Chef Boyar P. The love of our lives. He is a co-founder of this blog, and his content is *chef’s kiss* superb if we do say so ourselves. Check out any of his reviews like this one or this one or this one

Bee, But Bookish

My Name is Marines

Bow ties and Books

BanualCosmos

OhSheReads

and entirely too many more HERE is a great tweet from Bee with a whole list of other black bloggers

Sam’s Update

Welp, this week was a heaping pile of shit.

What Sam Finished:

A Song Below Water by Bethany C. Morrow: It is not physically possible for me to scream loudly enough about this book. There are so many things I loved about it. It’s powerful. The characters are well rounded. The mystery is juicy. The message is undeniable. The magic is cool AF. And all while reminding us that teenagers have a fuck ton of shit to deal with and their anxiety is real and warranted. Even when you’re not a mermaid. Drunk review coming.

Well Met by Jen DeLuca: This was adorable. I haven’t read a fluffy romance in so long and I fucking deserved it. This is a hate to love at a Ren Faire. COME AT ME.

What Sam is Currently Reading:

We Hunt the Flame by Hafsah Faizal: Only barely started this audiobook but I have been excited to read this book since it came out and I was stoked to see my hold come through at the library. I also have a physical copy so we’ll see if I switch back and forth. What I can gather right now is that there’s a woman disguising herself as a man and this other guy is a death god. I really don’t need more.

Queen of the Conquered by Kacen Callender: I’ve had this book for ages but I hadn’t gotten around to it. Then a few things happened, Sam from Thoughts on Tomes review came out and she loved it. And then Kheryn was at Bookconline and I loved what they had to say. And then the world went to shit. The gods were saying “Sam, it’s time” This is an islander fantasy story where our main character, a woman of color serving as a sugar plantation owner. She can read minds. She has this master plan to take down the white man. So I’m in to that.

What Sam put down:

Forged in Fire and Stars by Andrea Roberson: I was pretty excited by the thought of blacksmith magic but I got about 125 pages in and nothing had happened. Ginny reminded me what happened when I read too many mediocre books (a massive slump) so I put it down.

Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb: I will get to this one day, but when you listen to the first 45 minutes of an audiobook that’s over 13 hours long and you can’t remember a thing about what happened… it’s not your time to read it. I’ll get there.

Ginny’s Update

Guys, I don’t have to do Jury Duty right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done jury duty before and I’ll do it again, but there’s a lot going on right now, and, it’s just a relief. Got a lot done this week.

What Ginny Finished:

The Vicar’s Daughter by Josi S. Kilpack: This book was fine. Basic plot, girl falls in love with the guy she’s been writing letters to while pretending to be her sister, b/c the sister needs to be married before girl goes into society. The ending felt a little rushed but I actually really liked the way the sister grew from this book. I felt there were a few different easy outs, and this book didn’t take one of them.

Hex Vet: The Fly Surgery by Sam Davies: this graphic novel was super cute and easy to follow even though it was the second book in a series (and I didn’t read the first). The art was very stylized and a lot of fun, with a fairly cute magical world.

Lumberjanes: The Shape of Friendship by Many People: Again, this was quite cute. I enjoy the way the lumberjanes have a variety of friendships and relationships where everyone interacts with everyone in different ways. The story for this was also fun. I particularly enjoyed Jenn’s story line from all of the history I have with Lumberjanes

Before the Dawn by Beverly Jenkins: Support black authors!! Also Beverly Jenkins is a delight. Leah Barnett marries her mother’s boyfriend on his death bed because he wanted to take care of her. This means that his sons (that she didn’t know about) aren’t thrilled. And yet, chemistry… This book feels oddly timely (a major plotline is local lawyers refusing to take a case from a person “of the race.”) Race always greatly affects the way characters are treated in her books and this book is no different. Leah is a fun character and I kind of enjoyed her occasional pettiness and the thought of “He’s gonna feel really bad about this later for reasons he doesn’t know yet,” when someone’s being a dick.

Big Black: Stand at Attica by Frank “Big Black” Smith and Jared Reinmuth: This is another book where it was just the right time to read it, painful as it is. This book follows an event in a prison in the 1971 when the prisoners rioted due to inhumane conditions. “Big Black” was one of the prisoners who was fighting for some basic rights (rights that are frankly still being fought for today). The story felt a little disjointed and could be a little hard to follow, but the artwork was stark in a way that made the atrocities of the guards so much more poignant.

Hell on Wheels by Julie Ann Walker: I snagged this book at bookcon a bunch of years ago and boy was right now not the right time to read this book. The main characters are all ex-military with too much testosterone and the belief that just being a patriot is enough to make someone a good person. this book did come out in 2012, but I feel like even then the increasing militarization of our police force was an issue. Regardless kindergarten teacher (whose name I have forgotten) is in danger b/c of her dead brother and goes to dead brother’s bf, nicknamed Ghost (yes, it’s that kind of book, sigh) for protection.

What Ginny is Currently Reading:

Strange Exit by Parker Peevyhouse: Sam grabbed this for me at ALA but I think it came out in January… After a catastrophic war on Earth, a bunch of highschoolers were sent into space, but put in a simulation (and possibly cryogenic sleep) in order to… I don’t know, keep their minds healthy? the explanations of the simulation are fairly interesting and there are a few mysteries that seem like they’ll be interesting.

On Hold Again:

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown: Yeah, another one of these so close to the last one. But hey, that’s how library holds tend to go. I’m liking this one a little better b/c this book deals with “how to live wholeheartedly” which  means accepting your faults and recognizing the good. That’s a little more my speed.

Minda’s Update

It’s definitely been a week. Black lives matter.

What Minda is reading now:

All Adults Here by Emma Straub – A reflection on parenting across three generations “and all the other things that follow us into adulthood, whether we like them to or not.” I’ve liked her books in the past—we’ll see if I’m in the mood for it right now.

What Minda finished:

Riot Baby by Toni Onyebuchi – Two siblings live the black American experience while wrestling with extraordinary power. A great read for the current climate, to say the least. Parker has an on-point review.

The Jewel Thief by Jeannie Mobley – After being accused of stealing King Louie XIV’s diamond, she only has one chance to convince him of her innocence and win back her true love. Really enjoyed this one

Until next time, we main forever drunkenly yours,

Sam, Ginny, and Minda

Weekly Wrap-Up: June 1 – 7, 2020 Hey everyone!! This week showed us, not for the first time, that this country is going to hell in a hand basket.

[courtneytincher]

Yes, It Is True: In 1918 America Invaded Russia

In theory, the Americans were only supposed to confiscate war material—not to take sides in the civil war. A century ago this year, the October Revolution in Russia would herald the establishment of the Soviet Union and the rise of communism as a global movement. However, the Bolsheviks’ power play resulted in years of warfare, civil and otherwise, with the remnants of the White Russian provisional government, their supporters amongst the Allied powers and rampaging local warlords across the vastness of imperial Russia.Many have forgotten that more than thirteen thousand American soldiers battled the Bolsheviks in the Russian Civil War, and over four hundred would lay down their lives on frozen Arctic and Siberian battlefields, in an ill-conceived attempt to tilt the outcome of that conflict.(This first appeared in 2017.)Recommended: Why North Korea's Air Force is Total Junk The Polar Bear Expedition The Allied powers had dispatched considerable arms through the arctic ports of Murmansk and Arkhangelsk to assist the Russian Army in its hapless conflict with Imperial Germany. Now that Lenin was withdrawing Russia from World War I, the European powers wished to ensure the weapons and munitions didn’t fall into the hands of the Red Army . . . and if they might instead help the White Russians defeat the Communists, that would be just fine as far as they were concerned.Recommended: Why Doesn't America Kill Kim Jong Un? Paris and London cajoled President Woodrow Wilson into contributing a brigade-sized force to a multinational mission. The American consul in Arkhangelsk warned that any intervention would inevitably escalate, and that the White Russians were unlikely to prevail. Instead, Wilson ended up dispatching two separate expeditions.Recommended: The F-22 Is Getting a New Job: SniperThe American North Russia Expeditionary Force (ANREF) comprised five thousand soldiers of the 339th Regiment drafted from Michigan, reinforced by engineers and support troops of the Eighty-Fifth Infantry Division. Diverted from service on the Western Front, the troops were issued Russian Mosin-Nagant Model 1891 bolt-action rifles, as ammunition for the type would be in more plentiful supply.In theory, the Americans were only supposed to confiscate war material—not to take sides in the civil war. However, Red Army troops had already looted a good part of the Allied weapons cache in Arkhangelsk when an advance party of British troops and fifty sailors from the cruiser USS Olympia chased them away in August 1918.The doughboys that followed in September were placed under British command, and launched on a six-week offensive that pushed back Red Army troops towards the River Dvina and the Vologda railhead. But U.S. troops were soon defending a series of strongpoints strung along the railway lines running to Murmansk and connecting Arkhangelsk to Vologda. Maintaining thousand-mile long supply lines was a formidable challenge accomplished by train, steamboats, reindeer-drawn sleds and horse-drawn carriages.Though the British contributed only a modest number of troops, they had sent higher-ranking officers, whose aristocratic airs the doughboys resented. The U.S. troops got along better with the French and especially Canadian artillerymen. Civilians and White Russian allies were perceived as changing sides unexpectedly.However, morale plunged in November 1918 as World War I officially came to an end with the armistice with Germany—while the troops from Michigan had to go on fighting Russians for reasons unclear to them. Then the infamous General Winter stepped in, bringing temperatures that could fall below 60 degrees Fahrenheit at night. Machine-gun coolant froze. Doughboys lost limbs to frostbite, while the wounded died of exposure on the battlefield. Members of I Company mutinied, their misery stoked by enemy leaflets. American soldiers began a writing letters and petitions to the White House, begging to be sent home.The Red Army pounced. On November 11, 2,500 Bolsheviks, backed by gunboats and led by a “giant of a man” named Melochofski, assaulted a company of three hundred U.S. infantry in the village of Tulgas, two hundred miles south of Arkhangelsk, overrunning their hospital. In a three-day battle, Lewis machine guns and Canadian artillery pinned down the attackers in the southern half of the town; then American infantry led by Lt. John Cudahy launched a desperate surprise counterattack through the woods, causing the Reds to retreat.But things did not go so well on January 1919, when three thousand Bolsheviks swarmed a thousand White Russians and an American infantry company of two hundred near Shenkursk. The former fled and abandoned their three-inch field guns, but Canadian artillerymen again stepped in to provide covering fire, though their commanding officer was mortally wounded. The Allies troops then retreated at night via an old logging trail.Two months later, soldiers from E and H Company waded through hip-deep snow to assault the village of Bolshie Ozerki. The combined Allied force of two thousand eventually compelled seven thousand Red Army troops to disengage. But the cause of the White Russians was clearly crumbling.Finally, two Railroad Transport Companies sailed into Murmansk in 1919. Rather than reinforcing the miserable Michiganders, their job was to operate the Arctic railway while the doughboys withdrew to the States. They had suffered 305 wounded and 244 dead—including eighty-one to disease, largely due to an influenza outbreak while transiting at sea. A VFW expedition in 1929 would later repatriate another hundred bodies.The veterans, dubbing themselves the Polar Bear Expedition, formed a society to preserve the memory of their ordeal. You can read the preserved archives of their experience here.America’s Siberian Railway GuardsThe American Expeditionary Force to Siberia had an even more peculiar objective: helping extract friendly Czech soldiers.In 1917, the Russian Army raised a forty-thousand-strong Czechoslovak Legion out of Czechs and a smaller number of Slovaks that sought independence for their nations from the Austro-Hungarian Empire. When the Bolsheviks sought to end hostilities with Germany, the Czechs at first negotiated to have themselves transported by train across Russia to Vladivostok for departure by sea. However, in May 1918 a dispute caused Leon Trotsky to order the legion to surrender while it was scattered across the sixth-thousand-mile-long Trans-Siberian Railway. Rather than turn themselves in, the legion’s men mutinied.Wilson was sympathetic to the Czechs. Furthermore, there were six hundred thousand tons of war matériel in Vladivostok for the taking, and seventy-two thousand supposedly allied Japanese troops rampaging through the region in a grab for resource-rich Siberian territory. In August 1918, the U.S. president dispatched a second task force of 7,900 troops drawn principally from the Twenty-Seventh and Thirty-One Infantry Regiments and the Eighth Division, under the command of Maj. Gen. William S. Graves. Told to preserve the railroad and remain as neutral as possible, Graves was advised by the secretary of state, “You will be walking on eggs loaded with dynamite.”The Siberian Expedition landed in the east Russian port city of Vladivostok, then in a state of chaos and anarchy. Graves discovered that the doughty Czechs were in little need of rescue, having proceeded to capture most of Siberia from the weak Red Army forces in the area, and even advanced westward to seize the imperial gold reserve in Kazan! Unlike the beleaguered White Russians in the northwest, the Czech offensive seemed to pose a serious threat to the Bolsheviks.U.S. troops nonetheless set about their mission: securing the Trans-Siberian Railway so that the Czech Legion could make its exit—if it ever chose to do so. Small U.S. garrisons had to be strung out across the length of the railway line, continuously repairing it from sabotage undertaken by local partisans and fighting off hit-and-run raids.These could get nasty. In June 1919, four hundred guerillas caught a sleeping American encampment at Romanovka by surprise, killing twenty-four American soldiers out of a force of seventy-two. Marauding Cossack warlords proved to be just as much of a hazard. Sponsored by the Japanese, they ravaged local communities in orgies of looting, torture and rape. The Americans were asked to counter their depredations, and the Cossacks retaliated by kidnapping or killing isolated doughboys.The Russian winter also ravaged the Siberian Expedition. With the cold weather came Bolshevik counterattacks that began rolling the Czech Legion back one city at a time. However, Graves took remaining neutral seriously, and resisted launching offensive operations against the Bolsheviks. When Communist miners went on strike in the Suchan Valley in 1919, he refused to crack down on them—until a local leader threatened attacks on U.S. troops.The doughboys in Siberia fought fewer major engagements, but were deployed significantly longer. The expedition did not withdraw until early in 1920, having suffered 189 deaths to all causes. While withdrawing, a platoon from M Company of the Twenty-Seventh defeated an attack by an armored train manned by eighty Cossacks at Posolskaya Station. By then, the newborn state of Czechoslovakia had been declared, and more than fifty-nine thousand soldiers of the Czech Legion were ready to forsake Russian conquests to return to a newly independent homeland.Wilson’s intervention in the Russian Revolution was conceived with vague, limited goals that inevitably crept to encompass impossible ambitions. It was led astray working in cooperation with nominal allies that did not share the same objectives, fighting battles on behalf of local forces that were rapidly foundering. And it required relatively small numbers of American troops to hold vast swathes of inhospitable territory.The Soviets later cited the U.S. intervention as yet another example of invasion from the West, adding the United States to a list of historical foes such as France, Germany, Sweden and Poland. The fumbling, small-scale expeditions surely amounted to something less than an all-out drive to overthrow the government in Moscow. Yet it provided early evidence that Russia and the United States were doomed to be intimately intertwined in each other’s affairs in the century to come.Sébastien Roblin holds a Master’s Degree in Conflict Resolution from Georgetown University and served as a university instructor for the Peace Corps in China. He has also worked in education, editing, and refugee resettlement in France and the United States. He currently writes on security and military history for War Is Boring.Image: Wikimedia Commons

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines

In theory, the Americans were only supposed to confiscate war material—not to take sides in the civil war. A century ago this year, the October Revolution in Russia would herald the establishment of the Soviet Union and the rise of communism as a global movement. However, the Bolsheviks’ power play resulted in years of warfare, civil and otherwise, with the remnants of the White Russian provisional government, their supporters amongst the Allied powers and rampaging local warlords across the vastness of imperial Russia.Many have forgotten that more than thirteen thousand American soldiers battled the Bolsheviks in the Russian Civil War, and over four hundred would lay down their lives on frozen Arctic and Siberian battlefields, in an ill-conceived attempt to tilt the outcome of that conflict.(This first appeared in 2017.)Recommended: Why North Korea's Air Force is Total Junk The Polar Bear Expedition The Allied powers had dispatched considerable arms through the arctic ports of Murmansk and Arkhangelsk to assist the Russian Army in its hapless conflict with Imperial Germany. Now that Lenin was withdrawing Russia from World War I, the European powers wished to ensure the weapons and munitions didn’t fall into the hands of the Red Army . . . and if they might instead help the White Russians defeat the Communists, that would be just fine as far as they were concerned.Recommended: Why Doesn't America Kill Kim Jong Un? Paris and London cajoled President Woodrow Wilson into contributing a brigade-sized force to a multinational mission. The American consul in Arkhangelsk warned that any intervention would inevitably escalate, and that the White Russians were unlikely to prevail. Instead, Wilson ended up dispatching two separate expeditions.Recommended: The F-22 Is Getting a New Job: SniperThe American North Russia Expeditionary Force (ANREF) comprised five thousand soldiers of the 339th Regiment drafted from Michigan, reinforced by engineers and support troops of the Eighty-Fifth Infantry Division. Diverted from service on the Western Front, the troops were issued Russian Mosin-Nagant Model 1891 bolt-action rifles, as ammunition for the type would be in more plentiful supply.In theory, the Americans were only supposed to confiscate war material—not to take sides in the civil war. However, Red Army troops had already looted a good part of the Allied weapons cache in Arkhangelsk when an advance party of British troops and fifty sailors from the cruiser USS Olympia chased them away in August 1918.The doughboys that followed in September were placed under British command, and launched on a six-week offensive that pushed back Red Army troops towards the River Dvina and the Vologda railhead. But U.S. troops were soon defending a series of strongpoints strung along the railway lines running to Murmansk and connecting Arkhangelsk to Vologda. Maintaining thousand-mile long supply lines was a formidable challenge accomplished by train, steamboats, reindeer-drawn sleds and horse-drawn carriages.Though the British contributed only a modest number of troops, they had sent higher-ranking officers, whose aristocratic airs the doughboys resented. The U.S. troops got along better with the French and especially Canadian artillerymen. Civilians and White Russian allies were perceived as changing sides unexpectedly.However, morale plunged in November 1918 as World War I officially came to an end with the armistice with Germany—while the troops from Michigan had to go on fighting Russians for reasons unclear to them. Then the infamous General Winter stepped in, bringing temperatures that could fall below 60 degrees Fahrenheit at night. Machine-gun coolant froze. Doughboys lost limbs to frostbite, while the wounded died of exposure on the battlefield. Members of I Company mutinied, their misery stoked by enemy leaflets. American soldiers began a writing letters and petitions to the White House, begging to be sent home.The Red Army pounced. On November 11, 2,500 Bolsheviks, backed by gunboats and led by a “giant of a man” named Melochofski, assaulted a company of three hundred U.S. infantry in the village of Tulgas, two hundred miles south of Arkhangelsk, overrunning their hospital. In a three-day battle, Lewis machine guns and Canadian artillery pinned down the attackers in the southern half of the town; then American infantry led by Lt. John Cudahy launched a desperate surprise counterattack through the woods, causing the Reds to retreat.But things did not go so well on January 1919, when three thousand Bolsheviks swarmed a thousand White Russians and an American infantry company of two hundred near Shenkursk. The former fled and abandoned their three-inch field guns, but Canadian artillerymen again stepped in to provide covering fire, though their commanding officer was mortally wounded. The Allies troops then retreated at night via an old logging trail.Two months later, soldiers from E and H Company waded through hip-deep snow to assault the village of Bolshie Ozerki. The combined Allied force of two thousand eventually compelled seven thousand Red Army troops to disengage. But the cause of the White Russians was clearly crumbling.Finally, two Railroad Transport Companies sailed into Murmansk in 1919. Rather than reinforcing the miserable Michiganders, their job was to operate the Arctic railway while the doughboys withdrew to the States. They had suffered 305 wounded and 244 dead—including eighty-one to disease, largely due to an influenza outbreak while transiting at sea. A VFW expedition in 1929 would later repatriate another hundred bodies.The veterans, dubbing themselves the Polar Bear Expedition, formed a society to preserve the memory of their ordeal. You can read the preserved archives of their experience here.America’s Siberian Railway GuardsThe American Expeditionary Force to Siberia had an even more peculiar objective: helping extract friendly Czech soldiers.In 1917, the Russian Army raised a forty-thousand-strong Czechoslovak Legion out of Czechs and a smaller number of Slovaks that sought independence for their nations from the Austro-Hungarian Empire. When the Bolsheviks sought to end hostilities with Germany, the Czechs at first negotiated to have themselves transported by train across Russia to Vladivostok for departure by sea. However, in May 1918 a dispute caused Leon Trotsky to order the legion to surrender while it was scattered across the sixth-thousand-mile-long Trans-Siberian Railway. Rather than turn themselves in, the legion’s men mutinied.Wilson was sympathetic to the Czechs. Furthermore, there were six hundred thousand tons of war matériel in Vladivostok for the taking, and seventy-two thousand supposedly allied Japanese troops rampaging through the region in a grab for resource-rich Siberian territory. In August 1918, the U.S. president dispatched a second task force of 7,900 troops drawn principally from the Twenty-Seventh and Thirty-One Infantry Regiments and the Eighth Division, under the command of Maj. Gen. William S. Graves. Told to preserve the railroad and remain as neutral as possible, Graves was advised by the secretary of state, “You will be walking on eggs loaded with dynamite.”The Siberian Expedition landed in the east Russian port city of Vladivostok, then in a state of chaos and anarchy. Graves discovered that the doughty Czechs were in little need of rescue, having proceeded to capture most of Siberia from the weak Red Army forces in the area, and even advanced westward to seize the imperial gold reserve in Kazan! Unlike the beleaguered White Russians in the northwest, the Czech offensive seemed to pose a serious threat to the Bolsheviks.U.S. troops nonetheless set about their mission: securing the Trans-Siberian Railway so that the Czech Legion could make its exit—if it ever chose to do so. Small U.S. garrisons had to be strung out across the length of the railway line, continuously repairing it from sabotage undertaken by local partisans and fighting off hit-and-run raids.These could get nasty. In June 1919, four hundred guerillas caught a sleeping American encampment at Romanovka by surprise, killing twenty-four American soldiers out of a force of seventy-two. Marauding Cossack warlords proved to be just as much of a hazard. Sponsored by the Japanese, they ravaged local communities in orgies of looting, torture and rape. The Americans were asked to counter their depredations, and the Cossacks retaliated by kidnapping or killing isolated doughboys.The Russian winter also ravaged the Siberian Expedition. With the cold weather came Bolshevik counterattacks that began rolling the Czech Legion back one city at a time. However, Graves took remaining neutral seriously, and resisted launching offensive operations against the Bolsheviks. When Communist miners went on strike in the Suchan Valley in 1919, he refused to crack down on them—until a local leader threatened attacks on U.S. troops.The doughboys in Siberia fought fewer major engagements, but were deployed significantly longer. The expedition did not withdraw until early in 1920, having suffered 189 deaths to all causes. While withdrawing, a platoon from M Company of the Twenty-Seventh defeated an attack by an armored train manned by eighty Cossacks at Posolskaya Station. By then, the newborn state of Czechoslovakia had been declared, and more than fifty-nine thousand soldiers of the Czech Legion were ready to forsake Russian conquests to return to a newly independent homeland.Wilson’s intervention in the Russian Revolution was conceived with vague, limited goals that inevitably crept to encompass impossible ambitions. It was led astray working in cooperation with nominal allies that did not share the same objectives, fighting battles on behalf of local forces that were rapidly foundering. And it required relatively small numbers of American troops to hold vast swathes of inhospitable territory.The Soviets later cited the U.S. intervention as yet another example of invasion from the West, adding the United States to a list of historical foes such as France, Germany, Sweden and Poland. The fumbling, small-scale expeditions surely amounted to something less than an all-out drive to overthrow the government in Moscow. Yet it provided early evidence that Russia and the United States were doomed to be intimately intertwined in each other’s affairs in the century to come.Sébastien Roblin holds a Master’s Degree in Conflict Resolution from Georgetown University and served as a university instructor for the Peace Corps in China. He has also worked in education, editing, and refugee resettlement in France and the United States. He currently writes on security and military history for War Is Boring.Image: Wikimedia Commons

September 03, 2019 at 10:40AM via IFTTT