#I had a very long day no one can stop my soft andreil thoughts

[exy-shmexy]

Andreil being in bed on a quiet evening, Sir and King asleep at their feet. Andrew is reading with his newly-acquired glasses on while Neil is watching an exy match on his tablet, headphones firmly on his ears, and absentmindedly twirling Andrew’s hair between his fingers

[senstia]

Any more andreil headcanons or fics you’re writing??

So i just wrote this and it makes my heart happy. Maybe you guys will enjoy it too?❤️

*please excuse any incorrect, grammar, punctuation, writing mistakes, ect.

Your Heart is Safe Now

Movie nights for the foxes had become a regular occurrence. Lately it had become harder to get them all in one room because of varying schedules and plans but they always made an effort to see each other.

Today everyone was gathered around the TV at the Columbia house, fighting over what movie to watch.

Neil and Andrew were sitting on the floor, thigh to thigh in front of the couch. Allison sat on the couch behind Neil, casually playing with his hair every once in a while. Renee was on her left and Aaron on her right. Kevin was on a loveseat with Nicky, looking thoroughly annoyed that he was forced to sit with him. Matt and Dan were cuddled up on another couch on their left.

“Disney movies are the best movies in the history of filmaking guys! We are required to watch Frozen 2,” Nicky exclaimed to the group.

Kevin groaned. “I already said we should watch Night at the Museum.”

“No offense Kev but none of us want to watch one of your boring history documentaries,” Aaron muttered.

“It’s a comedy!” Kevin shouted, exasperated.

“Neil what should we watch?” Allison asked, thumping on Neil’s head lightly.

“Why do you guys always ask Neil what to watch?” Aaron said, sounding disgusted.

“Because he’s everyone’s favorite fox, obviously!” Matt said.

Aaron just sighed and rolled his eyes. Neil’s cheeks flushed at the compliment and he wrung his hands in his lap. Andrew noticed this and untangled Neil’s hands and kissed his knuckles lightly. Neil looked at Andrew with such deep adoration in his eyes that Andrew felt himself shudder. He pulled his eyes from Neil’s to find equilibrium again and kept his gaze glued to the blank TV screen.

“I think we should watch Fight Club,” Renee said before Neil could reply. Renee rarely chose the movie so everyone went along with this and Nicky began to set up the TV.

Neil never really cared for watching movies, he just saw them as an excuse to stare at Andrew for an extended period of time. Sometimes Andrew commented on Neil’s staring and sometimes he didn’t. It seemed today he was too tired to care. About 10 minutes into the movie Andrew nudged at Neil’s shoulder. Neil looked at him and cocked his head to the side in question.

“Sleep,” Andrew said.

“You want to go up to bed?” Neil asked.

Andrew rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“You can sleep on me if you want. I’ll make sure you’re safe.”

“I hate you,” Andrew said. Then contradicted himself by stretching his body out and resting his head on Neil’s lap.

Neil adjusted Andrew’s blanket so that it still covered Andrew’s legs in his new position and then rested his head on the back of the couch to watch the movie. After a few minutes Andrew twisted to look at Neil and poked his hands, which were currently resting on the carpet on either side of his hips. Neil raised his brows at Andrew.

“Hair,” Andrew muttered.

Neil grinned and began sliding his hands through Andrew’s hair, giving him a scalp massage. Andrew sighed softly and before long Neil felt his breathing even out and he knew Andrew had fallen asleep.

Neil could revel in Andrew’s beauty forever. Even now, in a room surrounded by all the people he loved, perfectly safe, all he really wanted to do was drink in every detail of Andrew’s form. Andrew’s hair was perfectly mussed from Neil’s hands, his skin perfectly golden from the dying sunlight filtering in through the nearby window. Andrew’s eyelashes rested against his soft cheeks, fluttering every once in a while in sleep. Neil thought they looked like spun gold. He could feel the heat of Andrew’s skin seeping into him like honey, dragging him into a warm and sweet embrace. Neil could smell the scent that was so undeniably Andrew cocooning him in this moment. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Mind. Body. Soul. Neil wondered every day if his heartstrings would burst from it, the intensity of his love for Andrew. All these thoughts filtered in and out of Neil’s tired mind as he gazed at Andrew sleeping beneath him.

The foxes were now very used to watching Neil gush over Andrew. It never stopped surprising them though. Because sometimes Matt would catch Neil’s eyes soften as Andrew said something particularly grumpy, or Dan would see how Neil’s face flushed bright red whenever Andrew touched him even in the slightest. Renee saw more than the others. Not because she witnessed them more often but because she understood. Because Neil and Andrew had the most pure, undiluted form of love, born from trust, understanding and soul deep connection. Allison began to see it too, when she started looking deeper. Allison hadn’t known love like that even existed until she started to see the small glimpses of it that Andrew and Neil shared with the public. And right now she was seeing it again. And she thought that that, right there, is what every human craves. Why romance has been written about since the beginning of time; for the way Neil looked at Andrew. His eyes were shining, on the edge of tears. His face was soft and vulnerable as he looked at Andrew. Looked at Andrew like Andrew held the universe inside him. Like Neil was looking at every beautiful thing all at once and he was so overwhelmed by it he could barely breath; from the sunset after a thunderstorm, to a fresh field of flowers, to mountains and deserts and prairies and stars and planets. Neil looked at Andrew like all of that, all the unrestrained beauty of the universe, was nothing in comparison to the beauty that Neil saw in Andrew.

As the credits to the movie began to roll, Nicky flipped on the overhead light and the room was once again brightened. It seemed that none of the foxes were anywhere near being out of energy because they began chattering away and drinking and eating once the movie ended.

It was rare for Andrew to sleep through any type of noise but he hadn’t gotten a good nights sleep in a while and practice had hit him extra hard today. And maybe, just maybe, Neil’s promise of safety rang a little deeper than it usually did. Neil shushed the foxes as they talked, trying to get them to lower their volume so as not to wake Andrew.

And then something happened.

It was barely audible at first, a mixture between a moan and a groan escaped Andrew’s lips as he slept. Neil tensed. Andrew did it again, louder this time. Neil checked but Andrew was still deep in sleep. He glanced up, noticing the room had gone extra quiet. All the foxes looked to Andrew’s sleeping form.

“Neil,” Andrew said, the word sounding like a prayer.

“Neil,” he pleaded in his sleep again.

All of the foxes looked shellshocked, all transfixed to Andrew, curious about what would happen next. Andrew groaned again and nuzzled his head against Neil’s inner thigh, still fast asleep. Neil’s heart was racing. Andrew was saying his name. The thought of it made his skin goosebump and his pulse race. What was Andrew dreaming about?

“Neil,” he pleaded again. “I love you,” this came out as a whisper.

Neil’s jaw dropped. Andrew had only said that to him once before, and he had thought Neil was asleep at the time. They both knew they loved each other, saying it was never necessary, but hearing Andrew say it while in his most vulnerable state sent a shock through Neil’s system.

The foxes all knew that Neil was happy and knew there was a different gravity to his relationship with Andrew that none of them would ever understand, but hearing those words come from Andrew was like an epiphany. Andrew was never soft, none of the foxes understood the lens that Neil saw Andrew through, but in this moment they could all see it clearly. The love. Because Neil had a tear streaming down his cheek. And Andrew was whispering “I love you Neil, don’t leave me” in his sleep, over and over, like a prayer, a confession.

Andrew stopped talking and began to stir. All the foxes were still frozen, staring at him. Neil had tears streaming down his cheeks as he looked down at Andrew. Andrew nuzzled against Neil’s thigh again, still half asleep. Then he sighed deeply and blinked his eyes open, adjusting to the light. Andrew twisted to look at Neil. Andrew frowned at the sight.

“You’re crying,” Andrew said. Neil just shook his head, smiling.

Andrew remembered his dream suddenly. Neil was there. Neil was always there. In the dream, Neil was vowing to Andrew, promising he’d never leave. Dream Andrew was scared, what if Neil left someday? Neil promised over and over in the dream. “I love you, I love you, I love you. I will never leave you. Ever. Ever. Not even in death.” Andrew hadn’t realized how much he wanted to hear those words until he heard them in his dream. Until he realized that he wanted to say them to Neil, over and over, until they both forgot about their pasts, until the only things they could remember anymore were thoughts of each other. Until everything but the feel of Neil’s skin and the sound of Neil’s voice, faded away. He knew Neil loved him, and would never leave him. He knew he felt the same way. He had never felt any need for a verbal confirmation until now.

“Neil?” Andrew said, sitting up so that he could face Neil fully.

“Yeah?” Neil asked softly.

“I-I love you,” Andrew said, barely a whisper. Neil had never heard Andrew stutter before. Not once. Andrew’s hazel eyes were wide and vulnerable as they looked up at Neil.

Neil stroked Andrew’s hair, cupped Andrew’s cheek in his hand. “I love you. Always.”

Andrew’s entire body relaxed at the words. His hands shook as he lifted them to Neil’s face. Neil had never seen Andrew shake from anything but anger before.

“I had a dream,” Andrew said as he softly stroked his fingertips against Neil’s scars.

“What did you dream of?” Neil asked, knowing Andrew wouldn’t have brought it up if he wasn’t comfortable talking about it openly.

Andrew knew they had an audience. He knew all the foxes were frozen, watching this scene unfold. He didn’t care. His brain was flooded with thoughts of Neil. There wasn’t room to care about anything else.

“You. Always you.”

Neil smiled. Andrew’s sleeping words told Neil what he needed to know, gave him an idea of what Andrew wanted to hear. So Neil said the words he knew deep in his bones were true. The words that Andrew had whispered in sleep. The truth, blinding and clear between them.

“I will never leave you, even in death. I love you, forever,” Neil said, his eyes locked on Andrew’s. Making sure Andrew heard the raw truth in his words.

Andrew wasn’t surprised Neil had known exactly what was in his soul. Neil had always been able to see through every defense Andrew had ever had. The thought now comforted Andrew, somehow.

Andrew no longer wanted an audience. He wanted to have Neil all to himself, skin to skin, soul to soul. Neil saw these thoughts spark in Andrew’s eyes.

“Yes or no?” Neil asked, splaying his arms to Andrew. Andrew just nodded and let Neil wrap him in his arms and lift him from the ground. Neil didn’t spare a glance at any of the foxes as he walked past them and carried Andrew up to their bedroom. Andrew kept his eyes glued on Neil the whole way upstairs.

The foxes all stared at the now empty staircase for a moment. All of them shocked into silence. That level of undiluted, raw emotion was something they were never likely to see again from Neil or Andrew. The intensity of it struck them all stupid.

Aaron snapped out of it first of course. He just groaned, rolled his eyes and said, “They’re gay, woohoo,” and then padded out of the living room and up to bed.

Aaron tried to ignore the feeling of his heart ballooning in his chest. Happiness. Andrew was loved, in a deeper way than Aaron could ever understand. Andrew would never be alone, never be hurt again, not with Neil by his side. The thought settled something deep in Aaron’s soul. He decided he’d have to stop hating Neil now.

Renee coughed softly and this snapped the rest of the foxes out of their silence. Kevin, Matt and Dan all muttered their goodnights and went up to their beds, leaving only Renee, Allison and Nicky in the living room.

“That was...” Nicky said, sounding breathless and uncertain.

“Yeah,” Allison sighed, a hint of longing in her voice.

Renee smiled softly, took Allison’s hand and squeezed. The three of them then quietly made their way to their separate beds.

Neil and Andrew stayed intertwined long into the night. Conveying their love through soft touches and shuddered breaths. When sleep finally took them both, they stayed wrapped in each other and slept dreamlessly all through the night.

[ghost-in-the-stalls]

Neil Josten's Playlist Part 1: Andrew

Masterpost and link to the playlist in its entirety

These songs are going to be the biggest chunk of the playlist. Are we surprised?

Okay here we go:

1. Take Me To Church - Hozier

I was not joking about Neil being a Hozier fan. You cannot tell me this boy doesn’t hear this song on the radio and immediately think of Andrew. Every time it came on he’d make sure the radio stayed on the station so he could listen all the way through. It got overplayed but he’s probably the only person in the world who never got sick of it at the time. He got used to listening to the same songs over and over again with his mom, so he's even comforted by repeating songs now.

5. Stay - Rihanna & Mikky Ekko

So one night, after several nightmares within the span of a few hours, Neil wasn’t too proud to admit that he absolutely wasn’t going to get any decent sleep that night. Andrew took him on a long drive without even having to be asked. The silence was shoving Neil even further into his thoughts, so Andrew turned on the radio. He settled on a station that was playing softer music that Neil probably wouldn’t hate, and he just kept driving. Once this song came on, Neil became enamored with it. It’s another one of those songs that makes him think of Andrew, but it’s more because he listens to the lyrics and realizes Andrew has said half of these things to him. It’s now a song that, even years later when he and Andrew are living in separate states and desperately trying to land contracts with the same team, Neil listens to on bad nights.

6. River - Bishop Briggs

Listen... this is just another really solid Andreil song.......... and I’m absolutely positive this is a song that Neil would like. Let me have this.

For Neil everything with Andrew is simultaneously loud and quiet and intense and gentle and hard and soft. He’s never known someone to make him feel so much yet calm him down from panic to nothing so smoothly. Even their intimacy holds so much complexity and weight to it. This is a song I feel like Andrew introduced him to, because it absolutely makes him think of Neil too (not that he'd say that out loud).

8. Dreams - The Cranberries

Renee likes the Cranberries and she got Andrew into them too. Andrew pretends this song doesn’t make him think about Neil but no one is actually fooled by that when they catch him listening to it. Least of all Neil because he feels the same thing listening to the lyrics. Not much explanation past that. Neil vibes with this song right from the opening lyrics (”Oh, my life is changing every day in every possible way”), to the comparison of a lover to a dream (he still remembers when Andrew called him a pipedream, even if he didn’t understand at the time), to the vocal breaks in the middle and at the end where it just sounds like someone singing their soul right out of their body.

Neil is a private person and not someone to ever scream his love from rooftops. But that doesn’t mean the concept doesn’t hit him deep. He’s been through a lot and he’s come out the other end with a love of his own that’s deeper and more than anything he ever imagined. His lack of expressing passion about most things (Andrew) doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel incredibly passionate about certain things in a way that cuts deep. He found love and it’s incredible

12. Easily - Bruno Major

I've mentioned this previously, but I hc that Andrew and Neil almost broke up in Neil’s last year at Palmetto. Not going to get into it, but this song had a big part in pulling Neil through that whole year, ESPECIALLY the situation with Andrew. Maybe I’ll make a separate, more detailed post about that sometime. But basically I hc that neither of them were in good spots emotionally. And Andrew was very close to giving up on everything - including Neil.

They managed to pull through and stop one another from giving up on it all, even when things got really hard.

15. Sunlight - Hozier

No I’m not done with the Hozier songs. Did I say I was done with the Hozier songs? Not gonna happen.

Anyway so the story of this song is he was talking with Allison and Nicky once about music and their SOs (well he was listening more than talking but he wasn’t ignoring them), and Nicky outright asked him if there was a song that made him think of Andrew. He’d heard this one for the first time recently and it was just the most recent of many songs that make him think of Andrew, so he threw it out there to humor them. They hadn’t heard it but were very doubtful that any song titled “Sunlight” could have anything to do with Andrew at all, so he showed it to them. They didn’t really change their minds and instead Allison went on another tirade about how Neil is gone for Andrew in a way that Andrew couldn’t possibly be for him and how she was worried for him. Nicky stood up for his cousin a bit, but ultimately was still agreeing with Allison to a degree that Neil may be expecting more than what Andrew could give him blah, blah, blah.

Neil wasn’t happy. Instead he found himself latching onto this song even further and becoming even more assured that it was a song for Andrew. Just because the others refused to understand who Andrew really is and the ways he’s learning to grow and heal and the fact that he’s someone worth loving god dammit, doesn’t mean Andrew is the monster they make him out to be.

For a while afterwards, he’ll put this song on if he’s ever given the aux cord. Because he’s petty. If Andrew catches on to what he’s trying to do, he never says anything.

19. Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men

This is definitely a song that makes Neil think of Andrew, though he'd never tell him that. They have both played both parts in this song, and it makes Neil's heart ache to think of all the bad nights that they weren't there for one another - whether it was distance or stubbornness or just general shitty circumstance. They both can get so trapped in their own heads in different (and sometimes similar) ways, and they're relationship has really been built in a lot of ways on the depth of emotional support they've learned to give one another in rough times. That steadiness, that presence that stays by you and keeps you grounded even when you want to crawl out of your own skin and hide somewhere far away. That is what they give one another.

24. Day After Day - Badfinger

This is another one he used to listen to with his mother, but he didn't really latch onto it until his final year at Palmetto when he and Andrew were doing long-distance. He learned in that year just how sentimental he had become in some ways. He finds it in the bone-deep longing he gets on late nights when he just wishes he could lie in bed next to Andrew - because he knew that's when he sleeps best. He'd listen to this song and let himself wallow for a little while, and then eventually put it away and carry on because he didn't have the time to slow down and feel things too hard.

Things are much better now and he doesn't feel as bad when he listens to the song. It's just a pleasant sound he leans into sometimes.

26. Don't Dream It's Over - Crowded House

This is another one that he first heard from his mother, but kept for himself without allowing it to be stained with her memory. It is one of those ones he listened to a great deal during his last year when things with Andrew got hard. He committed himself to not letting him go or breaking off what they had unless Andrew ever directly asked him to. He couldn't find it in himself to ever do that.

This song reminds him of that commitment and helps him stay strong with it, for better or worse. Everyone was convinced from the beginning that either Neil was bad for Andrew (Aaron) or Andrew was bad for Neil (everyone else except Renee and Nicky basically). This reminds him that he knows Andrew better. He knows HIMSELF better. He knows they aren't perfect, but he refuses to let himself fall into their blocked mentality where they choose to be blind to the reality of Andrew's character (or his own for that matter). He knows they are good together. He knows they help one another, they don't hold each other back. And he refuses to give up on them unless Andrew asks him to.

28. How Deep Is Your Love - The Bird and The Bee

This is another final-year-at-Palmetto one. He stumbles across this song while listening to one of Robin's playlists while he was driving her to practice. Listen to the lyrics and hear just how Andreil this song is. It fits so well, and Neil has to pull over and collect himself for a moment when he first hears it. It had been an especially rough week and he'd been struggling trying to balance giving Andrew space and support with communicating his own needs. This gives him the push he needs. He calls him later that night to talk and their time apart starts getting a bit more bearable for it.

29. TALK ME DOWN - Troye Sivan

This was Andrew's song that made him think of Neil. In every way. He found it while they were doing long distance. Neil first heard it on a midnight drive they took while he was visiting Andrew. They didn't say anything, but they didn't need to. Neil eventually asked him why he listens to this one when his taste is usually much louder stuff. He was expecting a stoically-delivered joke denying any potential relation to Neil or a comment about how Nicky got it stuck in his head or something while they were video chatting one weekend. Instead, Andrew just responded "You know why."

Neil stored the song away to listen to later on when they were once again sleeping in separate beds in separate states, knowing Andrew was probably listening to it as well.

38. Talking Bird - Death Cab for Cutie

Neil doesn't know why this song makes him emotional (yes he does). He doesn't know what it is about it that feels like it cuts so deep (it's because Andrew sent it to him). He doesn't get why Andrew showed it to him (it's because Andrew asked him to stay, but would never force him to if he ever did decide to run). He just listens and feels comforted.

44. I'm so Tired - Lauv & Troye Sivan

This is another one Neil found when he and Andrew were doing long distance. It was a bit of a rocky time for them and there were several of those make-or-break moments. You know, the kind any relationship has where you either pull through it together and are stronger for it, or end things where they are and go your separate ways. I imagine - during a particularly rough patch - Neil heard this song from one of his underclassmen roommates. He was thinking about Andrew (when is he not) and part of him wondered if Andrew was better off finding guys in bars to take home and have no connection to. It was a spiteful moment of self-pity that he let himself indulge in before coming to his senses and giving Andrew a call to smooth things over a bit.

He still listens back to the song sometimes. It has a nice, soft, smooth feeling to it. Now when he listens to it, he finds himself focusing more on the singer asking their lover to take them home so they can move forward because they're too tired to fight. He remembers how, when he and Andrew have reached that point, they've continuously chosen to fall back to one another instead of pulling away. It's a very comforting thought for him.

45. NFWMB - Hozier

I don't even know if I have to explain this one.

There are a lot of things that Andrew and Neil see in one another, but I think one major thing is how strong they both are in their own ways. Neither of them are someone you want to fuck with. This song is perfect for that.

And, once again I will say, Neil is a Hozier fan and I'll die on this hill.

50. It Will Come Back - Hozier

Another Hozier song look at that

Anyway this is song encapsulates exactly how Andrew feels about Neil repeatedly choosing Andrew (at least, how he feels about it in the beginning of their relationship). And Neil isn't blind to this at all. What he also isn't blind to (but that he knows Andrew forgets sometimes) is how Neil is also the stray Andrew showed too much kindness. Andrew is as stuck with Neil as Neil is making himself stuck with Andrew.

51. Love Lies - Khalid & Normani

If asked why he likes this song, he'd say it's because Matt showed it to him and it reminds him of Matt and Dan's inspiring relationship. There are very few people he'd admit the truth to.

Something about the song feels too typical and approachable to admit applying to him and Andrew. They don't have a "normal" relationship and there are a lot of norms they don't stick to. Neither of them are ashamed of that in any capacity (as they absolutely shouldn't be), and ultimately it just feels very strange to them both to consider what's between them as being on the same level of what other's have. Not necessarily in a better-worse context, more just an acknowledgment of stark differences.

But I think Neil also experiences a certain level of comfort when he catches himself relating to other "normal" people. So when he finds himself thinking of Andrew when he hears this song, he's not going to ignore that or let it go. He may, however, keep it to himself for a while. It just feels nice to do that.

72. 99 Luftballons - Nena

As a general rule, Neil doesn't like loud music. This one is an exception (though "loud" may be a bit of a stretch here) because he once got to hear Andrew singing along to it in the car late at night.

Andrew does that sometimes, sings along to songs when it's just him and Neil. It's never with a great deal of gusto or volume, more so just a soft mumble on a late night drive to ground them both. This song came on on a particularly rough night, but by the end of it Andrew was singing along louder than he ever did. Still not saying much, but it was a noticeable change to Neil.

Neil knows he was allowed to see something special that night - Andrew allowing himself to let out something he was feeling. Neil got to see Andrew in what amounts to a moment of vulnerability for him. It means the world to him.

74. Gooey - Glass Animals

This song makes Neil feel the way Andrew makes him feel. There's no other way to describe it. When it's just the two of them and they have moments of quiet intimacy, there's a specific feeling Neil starts getting - float-y but secure. Like he'd drift away if it weren't for an invisible string Andrew was holding.

If Andrew caught Neil humming this song one night as he fell asleep, unaware, he kept quiet about it.

75. Turn - The Wombats

This song Neil keeps because it's one Andrew specifically sent him. He didn't give an explanation, just "for your playlist, rabbit".

[akegatacchi]

Sense8 AU!aftg

In the honor of absolutlynothing I’ve decided to put out there one of the many au I have on my phone and archive it there

Big shout out to @a-m-peengoo and @bluesuederose for participating in this mess with genius lines and always be there to bear my 36 ideas per hour. We did a masterpiece girls.

Here we go it’s gonna be long

The cluster:

Kevin: Nomi. He’s just a fuckin hacker who’s running away from his family (riko). When he’s bored, he spends nights crashing the Pentagon system for fun, and makes every screen in the White House play Best Exy Actions Compilation (the longest and hardest part is choosing one compilation to play).

Dan: Will. One of them have to keep them under control. Plus, Dan with a gun i can’t even-

Matt: Riley. Soft, blue strand of hair, a heart of gold, maternal. As a DJ. Yes. SO SOFT (he still knows how to box)

Allison: Capheus. Listen. Imagine Allison in high heels, skin tight leather pants, driving a bus. Also, a F1 pilot champion who can drive anything (even if it’s the first time)

Andrew: Wolfgang. Duh. Do I need to explain myself. Just think abt him saying “This is Berlin. Those are my people. And we go to our knees for no one”.Boy he does NOT like this situation, at all. Will keep the others out with sheer willpower and no blockers. The cluster’s deadliest weapon. PLUS HELLO???? ANDREW IN A PASTEL PINK BOMBER SHOOTING ON A HELICOPTER WITH A BAZOOKA????

Aaron: Felix? Sorta? not a senseate but a great doctor. Senses bullshit and when someone is in Andrew’s body real quick  (Andrew: says more than 2 sentences and is pleasant. Aaron:.....who’s that bitch where is my brother) . Later helps to manufacture blockers.

Neil: Kala. A pharmacist that uses his skill for arson and may or may not be running away from mafia/family matter and currently hiding in India. Him saying “Bring it, bitch” to Riko is my sexuality and Andrew’s. Can create explosives from a Fanta can and spices I mean it’s already canon in aftg. (plus andreil would work even better bc technically Neil can’t even touch Andrew for real)

Nicky: Lito. The drama, the sass. Also the scene where he discovers the Twinyard in Germany are his cousins would be hilarious. The scene where Lito seduces the nurse but with Nicky (“engaging into heterosexual activity? me????”) or the scene where Lito screams in the museum but with Nicky

Erik as Hernando. That’s it that’s the post.

Renee: Sun. I mean, a korean fighter lady in prison trying to be a better person and had a silent bffs relationship with a german gangster? Come on. Also. Allison in a bus and Renee doing art martials stuff. 

Riko: whispers i guess he can eat Allison’s high heels

Now the ~scenes~ (it’s just shitposting):

Aaron, on the verge on several break downs: wait so you have like … DJ Blue Matt and F1 pilot Allison Reynolds in your head? since when? ANDREW SINCE WHE-

*

Neil: what’s a better use of a multiple thousands dollars education than precise arson?????

*

Aaron: why does your boyfriend always end up burning things up?

Andrew: he lits up my heart as well

Aaron: FOR FUCK SAKE

*

Kevin, shocked and betrayed: is there a better sport than exy?

Aaron and Allison: YEAH A REALLY GOOD CAR RACE

*

Allison: you’re - you’re like the spirit of Lucy Liu. In Charlie’s Angels. I watch it once a day. Renee:.....that’s sweet actually :) 

*

Neil: does a molotov cocktail

Matt: I tHoUgHt yOu wErE a PhArMaCiSt

Neil: Yes? That’s PHYSICS

Matt: no that’s ARSON NEIL

Alternative:

Kevin: breaks into the Pentagon virtually

Neil: breaks into the Pentagon physically

Matt, again: i thought you were a PHARMACIST!!!! Neil: Yes I am??? That’s irrelevant

*

A senseate sibling, escaping, grabbing a vehicle at random: someone knows how to drive that?

Allison, in stilettos : no, but I sure will soon

*

Just Allison driving Renee around to fight people

*

Everytime someone mocks a senseate sibling Neil or Nicky shows up to roast them. Sometimes they do it both at the same time. It’s apocalyptic. The sass. The drama. 

They can also bullshit their way out of any situation. Neil is such a smooth liar and Nicky is just ridiculous. The FBI agent charged to arrest them somehow ends up crying abt childhood trauma while hugging a teddy bear.

Neil, caught in the act of making a string of explosives by the FBI guy: uuuuuuh….Nicky?

Nicky, currently dealing with a white mom in retail: somehow convince the FBI to buy christmas lights

(Yes Nicky works in retail bc his family cut ties with him but he hopes to be an actor.ON BROADWAY)

(From retail to actor to cluster negotiator real quick)

A  fuckin moron to Allison: a hottie like you driving a bus? what is this, hooker on wheels?

Neil: please let me have this one

Allison: seats back and enjoys Neil roasting him

Nicky: brings the popcorn

Nicky, to the FBI guy: You can’t arrest me Daryl I’m your long lost little brother

The FBI guy, a white man: My name is not Daryl Neil: THAT’S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO BELIEVE

The FBI guy, texting Neil (don’t ask): I guess I’m still in love with my ex

Nicky: aaaaaw we have to help this sweetheart

Neil: do you want me to burn his current boyfriend’s car, buddy?

(Nicky: DON’T REMIND HIM THAT HE’S SUPPOSED TO ARREST US)

*

A fuckin homophobe: ready to get your ass kicked, faggot?

Andrew: appears through Nicky

Nicky, smiling: fuck yeah, baby 

*

Andrew, between two bazooka shot, to Neil:  we’re nothing

*

Nicky, through Andrew, all cheery: Hi!!!! :D

(Aaron jumps like a scared cat)

*

Andrew: ready to kill ppl for mafia business

All the senseate siblings in the back minus Renee, eating popcorn and enjoying the show: Kick ass, Drew!

*

Andrew, on the hospital bed: has an emotional moment with Aaron

Aaron: sir or ma'am, idk who you are but it’s family only, I will ask you, as his doctor, to leave my brother’s body

*

Aaron: Andrew is2g if you’re making psychic love to that fuckin red hair rn i will-

*

Andrew each time a senseate is hurt: Aaron it’s for you

(Just Aaron doing med tutorials for a whole cluster while Andrew repeats it with a bored tone to everyone)

(Aaron, sighs: it is Neil again? Just let him bleed for a few minutes)

*

Neil, making bomb with kitchen stuff: If it means losing you then no

Andrew, falling in love: oh

*

Bad guy: You have no weapon, blondie!

Allison, with Renee and Dan behind her: Think again, sweetheart

*

They made a little “honorary cluster member” badge to Aaron (he does not cry STFU NEIL)

*

Dan and Neil both knows by heart the laws of different countries…..for very different reasons.

*

Luther: humiliates Nicky once again

Renee: calmly breaks his hand at dinner while smiling like an angel, all the while stopping Andrew from killing him with the other hand

*

Neil, a pharmacist: blowing shit up and arson

Aaron, a doctor, watching him: yk what hold my beer I know several ways to stop a man’s heart

*

The whole “You don’t know how to use a gun” “No, but you do” with andreil or matt and dan

*

Just Drew and Renee kicking some mafia asses together as buddies

(While Neil blows some shit up in the background and Allison/Nicky cheer)

*

Matt has the perfect ear too

Him and Kevin are the remote operation/communication team but one day all the fighters/criminals of the cluster are busy so they both start to fight as well and fuck they are good at it

Nicky: I expected this from Biceps Matt but Kevin??? You can land a kick like that???

Kevin, outraged: I WENT TO THE EXY OLYMPICS WHEN I WAS 16

*

Speaking of Kevin, they all call him “nerd” or “einstein”

Allison: so the nerd can fight uh

*

Aaron, counting down on his fingers: so you have F1 Pilot Superstar Allison Reynolds, former gold medalist and tech genius Kevin Day, a human diapason, a multilingual arsonist, World no.1 Taekwondo Champion Renee Walker, a cop, an actor…..what are you there for??

Andrew, literally a mafia king:....ice cream and crime?

*

Neil to Andrew, after the whole debacle with his father is out: You did know there were mafia out of Germany too, right?

Andrew: I can’t even have that for myself fuck this family

*

Dan, every time before each “mission”: okay guys I know we need to do it but I’d like to remind ALL of you *looks pointly at Neil and Andrew* it’s STILL illegal and morally dubious

Neil: …….like I said to Nicky, irrelevant *without missing a beat blows up the entire building and puts on stolen Gucci shades*

Alternative:

Neil: ok saint theresa why were you the one to suggest we explode Riko’s brain off then

Dan: ...don’t turn the conversation around me it’s about you

*

Allison “guess we’re detourning a place next” Reynolds and Kevin “It’s not that hard to pilot” Day

(Kevin: But why are you on a plane to Russia? I thought you were in India last time?

Neil:....don’t ask)

*

Aaron to Andrew, where they are trapped and betrayed: your boyfriend wouldn’t happen to know how to poison a whole room with gaz?

Neil: I was born for this moment

(Andrew: just bc you’re my brother doesn’t mean you have the right to dirty talk my boyfriend)

*

Andrew: be gay, do crime and eat ice cream

Nicky: AND BLOW NEIL’S D-

*

(before they know abt Neil’s past, when Andrew is angsty bc he caught feelings)

Andrew: You  shouldn’t get close to me, it’s dangerous, i’m mafia

Neil: oh haven’t you heard-

*

Jeremy, bouncing out of nowhere: Hey Kev ! Love how you BI-nary code ahah have you heard of the ARCHIPELAGO 

*

Neil, sipping tea: so my father is the Butcher

Matt:  okokokok coolcoolcoolcool yk what arson doesn’t sound like a bad idea after all

*

(this one is not funny sorry) but Neil taking over each time someone is hurt bc he is used to deal with it

“Give the pain to me”

*

Andrew and Aaron like to fuck around a lot with the whole sensate stuff (since only one of them is a sensate)

Bad guy: only one of you is a sensate, which one is it?

Twinyard, in a perfect and flat tone: try to guess

A bad guy is spying on Andrew and waiting to kill him in Germany, via a cam, thinking he’s safe BUT SUPRISE MOTHERFUCKER it was aaron dressed as Andrew in a mafia meeting and now you have to deal with a 5 feet tall mafia boy

*

For real tho they are a little protective of the normal doctor who heal them every time (yes even Neil but don’t tell him) so you bet something like that happens one day:

Aaron: comes home from work angry

Andrew, cleaning up blood or counting money: whassup shithead?

Aaron: There’s this older doctor he’s great and all but he’s a fuckin asshole to me he belittles me everyday bc i’m young and we lost a patient today bc he rathers humiliate me than let me save him 

Andrew, a dangerous glint in his eyes and a whole cluster behind him: oh?

Kevin, opens his computer and digs up dirt on him: give me a sec

Allison: I can roll over him with my truck

Neil: there is so many ways to mix two meds and kills him ON ACCIDENT

Dan: let’s see how he deals in prison

Nicky: oh this is going to be fun

Kevin, reciting facts like he’s reading a grocery list: so yeah he smuggles meds from the hospital so local drug dealers, illegally sells meds for himself on the black market, does tax evasion, is friend with a local senator and both of them are involved with minors….i have already several reservation at X hotel btw and cases of work harassment on nurses and interns, threats to others older doctors in serve, and OH. OH. We have a spanking kink on our hands too.

Every members of the cluster, turning to Nicky and Neil:....go wild

Nicky, giggling: not that’s it’s a shame when it’s consensual but not here so - let’s start with the spanking :D

Neil: Can I make him cry

No violence is used but the doctor is found on the floor drowning in his own tears after a few minutes and after an hour he’s resigned and leaving the country

Andrew was dressed as Aaron for that (that being: smuggling Neil and Nicky into the hospital to meet the doctor through him)  and sends him a selfie of a 5 feet surgeon and the man crying on the floor 

It’s their best memory as a family (Aaron hates Neil a little less after that)

Neil to Nicky: why did you stop me from pushing towards suicide??? He’s gonna do that in another country

(Kevin: no if I can help it)

Nicky: bc we don’t do that to people!

Neil, Andrew, Aaron, Allison:...........right

Neil: killing even indirectly is no good but destroying their life and humiliating them publically is good?

Nicky: YES!

Matt and Dan: WAIT NO

(Allison: don’t brother Neil you’ll just hurt your head)

(Neil, close to tears: but...but...but arson?? Andrew, with knives out: alright fuckers who broke his heart?)

*

Matt and Dan bc they’re fuckin weak to Neil: ITS OK BUDDY ARSON IS GOOD

*

I have to end on this note:

Storyline wise, Neil would have make the perfect Wolfgang too….if Wolfgang was a twink.

[makebelieveanything]

Don’t Look Down

Shout out to the lovely @andreil-minyasten for encouraging me to write something and share it with you all, and for the engaging prompt. It’s my first mini foray into the world of fan fiction and drabble, so be kind. Any mistakes are my own. 

Prompt: “You can have my heart if you have the stomach to take it.”

It’s been two years since Neil met Andrew, since he decided to stop running and let someone have his back, his trust, and if he was being honest his heart. It had taken over two years for him to figure it out, but Neil knew now, on a fundamental level, that his heart truly did belong to Andrew. It had never belonged to anyone else; Neil’s unsure it had ever been his own to begin with.

That was the crux of the problem though, Neil realized his heart belonged to Andrew; he also recognized that was the very reason Andrew continued to remind Neil, “210% Josten,” and, “I hate you,” which is what Andrew had thrown  at him before escaping up to the roof. Consequently it was also Neil’s justification for not following him.

They shared a bed most nights now, Andrew curling up against the wall, the meager inches of space a single dorm bed allowed left between them as an invisible barrier. Their hesitant touches had moved past an obligatory, “yes or no,” except for the days when shadows lined their irides. Other small things evolved over the years: Neil knew exactly how much sugar to put in Andrew’s morning coffee; Andrew cut up fruit in his bowls of ice cream so Neil would have something to share with him while they watched TV; their clothes had intermixed so thoroughly that the closet was now separated by clothing type rather than owner.

On most days Neil could withstand the sharp words, understanding they were Andrew’s best way of divulging he felt something. On most days Neil was content with the plateau of familiarity they’d reached after years of patience and missteps. Today was not most days.

Today Neil was antsy, aggravation and fear running electric surges down his skin and through his finger tips, niggling at his resolution, coercing him to run now before he fell over the edge and couldn’t come back. Today’s shadows were not the product of nightmares riddled with blood and death, nor were they triggered by the desire to escape; they were specters of old insecurities, haunting his confidence and slowly deteriorating Neil’s resolve.

Neil was on a mission. Instead of slipping on his running shoes and taking off around the block like he itched to, Neil grabbed his phone and an extra sweatshirt as the sun began to drop below the horizon and marched himself up the stairs to the roof. Neil knew Andrew heard him the minute the door swung open, but the blonde continued to face forward, legs dangling off the ledge, heels knocked against the brick siding in a rhythmic drumming.

Neil sidled up beside Andrew, but sat with his back to the roof’s edge, draping the sweatshirt over the ledge between them. Neil settled his head back, his eyes gazing up along the side of Andrew’s arm and catching the occasional flutter of his golden hair in the evening breeze. Neil was about to throw himself off an emotional ledge, he had no compunction to dangle his physical body over one as well.

Read here on A03.

“I can hear you thinking,” Andrew said, continuing to stare at the horizon, a half spent cigarette dangling from two fingers.

“Truth for truth?” Neil asked in response, hoping reinstating their original deal would re-instill some of his wavering confidence. When Andrew didn’t answer right away, Neil tilted his head to catch Andrew staring at him, his face an open book for someone who recognized how to read it. The slight furrow in his brow was an indication of his confusion, but the meager tilt of his head in Neil’s direction a clear invitation to continue; Neil had always been excellent with languages.

“I need to know what this is,” Neil said.

“This is nothing,” Andrew replied automatically, not even bothering to clarify Neil’s meaning.

“Don’t lie to a liar,” Neil shot back.

“I told you a long time ago, I’m not your answer,” Andrew said, his hazel eyes reverting back to the sunset as he brought the cigarette to his lips. The plume of smoke floating up into the pink hued sky mingled with the wisps of evening clouds.

“I’m not someone you need to protect anymore; I don’t need you to fix me. I can take care of myself just fine. I don’t need you,” Neil retorts, his anxiety filtering through his words sharp as knives. They had always been a balancing act, one stiff breeze away from carving each other into pieces. “I don’t need you Andrew, but I want you,” Neil said.

Andrew’s honey colored eyes turned to Neil’s, his cigarette hanging limply in his hand. “No you don’t,” Andrew responds.

“Oh, so now you know my thoughts now? Tell me, when did you become an expert on interpreting my feelings when you can’t even voice your own.” Neil knew he was being harsh, he knew the green that started to bleed into Andrew’s gaze was a spark of anger, his self preservation rising up to eviscerate Neil’s assumptions.

So Neil said the only thing he could think of, the challenge rising in his own eyes to match Andrew’s, “You can have my heart if you have the stomach to take it.”

A few agonizing seconds pass before Andrew responds, “And what happens when you decide giving it to me was a mistake?”

“It’s always been yours, Andrew, you can run from it if you like, but I’m done running,” Neil replied.

When no response was forthcoming, Neil pushed himself up from the wall, turning one last time to see Andrew’s body silhouetted against the sky, the pastel hues catching against his blond hair, the softness blurring along his broad shoulders a direct contrast to the deep, endless, black of his t-shirt and arm bands.

Neil makes it as far as the door, his hand on the cold handle when he hears Andrew speak.

“Neil.”

“Yes?” he asks, unwilling to turn around, afraid of what he’ll encounter in Andrew’s face if he looks.

“Neil,” Andrew says again, a hint of something softer coloring his vowels.

Neil turns, and finds himself bracketed against the door, Andrew’s arms splayed on either side of his head; the sheathed knives enclosed in the ever present armbands  scant millimeters away from Neil’s cheeks, yet Neil remains frozen. Andrew leans in, his forehead stalling so close Neil could feel the heat radiating from his skin, the smoke lined breath from his lips ghosting over Neil’s own like a caress.

“You already have mine too,” Andrew whispers against Neil’s skin before pressing a soft kiss to his lips, sealing his promise into Neil’s mouth.

[shutupandshipit]

Blood and Diamonds - Part 1

Summary: "Welcome to the stage... Lilith.”

Or where Neil is a stripper at the Days' strip club when Ichirou doesn't need him for family business, and Andrew is Kevin's bodyguard. It's only Andrew's second month as Kevin's bodyguard and it had been pretty boring up until then, but it only takes one night in the Days' club for things to get just a little more interesting. For both him and Neil.

Pairing: Andreil

Rating: M

Part 2: Gold -> Next

Part 3 -> coming soon

Author’s Note:  This is going to be a three part work, but most of the chapters are going to be pretty long compared to my usual. Anyway, this is literally a major fuck it fic for me, to be honest. I am writing this solely for the pleasure of doing so.

Part 1: Lilith

Andrew wasn't one for strip clubs. He didn't like them. He didn't like the people that frequented them. He didn't like the look of them. Most of them were dirty and degrading, dark and damp with lust. Plus, most of the strippers were usually women unless you went to a very specific club. If he really needed to get off that badly, he had other means of finding a source.

Still, he found himself wandering into an all genders club at Kevin's side, eyes skipping from one table to another.

Being Kevin Day's bodyguard had been as tame and boring as he'd imagined it would be. They did get into trouble from time to time, running about on whatever adventure the heir to Kayleigh Day's drug empire wanted. He'd only had the job for a short month, and was ready for something new to spice it up.

He just hadn't imagined that thing would be the strip club that his father and the Days ran as a cover for their drug laundering.

“It'll be fine, Minyard. Try to have some fun. Find someone you like. Drink a little. It is an all genders club. There's someone out there for everyone,” Kevin said when they paused just passed the front doors to look over the dim room and black stage with its two shiny poles leading up to the towering ceiling. The room was almost too dark to see, lit with sultry crimson light and candles in red vases on every table. Barely noticeable waiters and waitresses in conservative black uniforms moved silently around the room, taking and delivering orders.

It was a much cleaner and classier set up than Andrew had imagined. “If I found this fun, I wouldn't have to be dragged along under the guise of work.”

A waitress looking like she was on the verge of crying stopped at Kevin's elbow. “Sir, good evening. We haven't seen you in awhile.”

Kevin's mouth went from scowling to his people-winning smile in an instant. The smile he wore for the public, for his sick mouth. “Raven, evening. How have things been around here?”

“Fine. Josten got into a fight with Leverett again, but Boyd and Wildes broke it up pretty quickly,” she told him, jumping on the question like a puppy hoping to be praised.

Kevin sighed. “Again? Over what? How were they even in the same room with the schedule the way it is?”

“Something about stealing Leverett's customer. She came in on her off time to argue with him.”

“Typical.” His eyes drifted towards Andrew, musing. “He is the best though, and Leverett is... inattentive. When is Neil supposed to perform tonight?”

Raven glanced down at a watch on her wrist, small and discreet. “Ten minutes, and then at closing with the rest of the Foxes.” Kevin nodded at her, and she filled the silence before there could be any. “Jeremy and Thea are upstairs entertaining in the VIP room tonight. Mr. Moriyama is visiting, and they came in on their day off to minimize potential collateral damage.”

Kevin nodded, glancing towards the stairs leading to the upper floors as his smile struggled to remain in place. “Right, he told me he'd be here. I'll have to give them a bonus.” Turning to Andrew, he said, “Well, I'm going to go speak with Riko. Make yourself at home. Watch some of the acts. We're staying here tonight, and Nicky should take over soon, so get drunk. Take from Cracker Dust. Take someone to bed at the end of the night. I don't care, but if I come down here and you're not three sheets to the wind, I'm going to strangle you.” He said everything with a smile before turning, Raven following at his elbow.

“You don't have the balls,” Andrew spat back.

Kevin didn't stop, but flipped Andrew the bird over his shoulder.

Nicky showed up thirty minutes later, high fived him, and headed up to the VIP room to read a book outside the door. If Nicky was downstairs, he'd drink. And if he drank, he wouldn't stop. Kevin didn't mind them having a drink or two on shift, but they all agreed that being drunk was unacceptable.

After Nicky took his leave, Andrew found a spot at the bar, accepting a drink from a familiar bartender. “You work here too, Roland?” he asked, watching his old hook-up walk back and forth along the bar as he prepared drinks and set out trays.

Roland grinned, coming to a stop to lean across the bar at Andrew, smiling. “The Days pay better than Eden's. Plus, I get more hours. Speaking of which, haven't seen you around lately, and then you just happen to turn up here? What's the deal with that?”

Andrew tipped his head towards the ceiling. “Mr. Day dragged me here?”

“Ah, so Kevin's the culprit. Rat bastard. Well, I'm going to get you drunk on his dime then.” He set out a shot that Andrew knocked back happily, sliding the glass back towards Roland. “The show is about to start. Neil's our best. He really get the blood flowing. Then it's Allison. Maybe after my shift is done, we can find a place to... chat?” Roland's smile was flirtatious.

Andrew didn't answer, only raising an eyebrow.

Roland shrugged, unperturbed. “The offer is there if you want it.” He bustled off towards his other customers, and Andrew turned to watch the stage.

The stage was lit with a soft lilac light, and as he watched, the patrons began to snuff out the candles on their tables until it was the only light in the room. Overhead, a soft deep voice made introductions. “For those of you who have been here before, you know what time it is.” A short cheer rose before going quiet as sensual music filtered into the room. “For those of you who may be first timers, your life is about to be changed. Next up, we have the Prince of the Stage, the man who can cut out you heart without spilling a single drop of blood, the diamond of dance... Welcome to the stage... Lilith.”

Wild applause disturbed the air, quieting only when the music grew loud, replacing the conditioned air with the thrumming of cello strings. A man stepped barefoot onto the stage, tight black diamond studded shorts stopping just below the curve of his ass. They strained around toned thighs, a black sleeveless shirt draped loosely over his chest and stomach, plunging in the back to reveal rippling muscle. His arms were as tones as his legs, and scared from fingertips to elbows. Everything that was usually on display by a stripper was covered, but what was on display was a nice display.

Muscular, but not overly so. Neck long and elegant. Skin tanned and dusted silver. A steady mix of masculine and feminine as he moved across the stage.

Wild curls looked black beneath the lilac light, but lacked the same depth as black hair. Probably a brunette or red head. The curls flopped over the top edge of a glimmering half-mask that resembled a fox's snout, the shadow covering the rest of his face, but not the cut of his jaw.

Andrew thought every stripper danced the same, that there could be no variation except between genders. He wasn't sure whether this was particular to the club or particular to this dance, but Andrew's mouth watered as he swung around and around his pole, sliding to the floor and arching his back before wrapping his legs back around the poll to hoist himself up.

Bills landed on the stage, but Lilith never stopped moving, climbing and careening around the stage.

He looked like he was trying to run from something, and Andrew wondered what the something could possibly be.

It had been awhile since Andrew had had such a visceral reaction to another person, his pants growing tighter with each passing moment and movement. He never moved, exactly like the others around him. Even the bartenders had come to a stop to watch the man at work.

What Andrew found curious and intriguing was the lack of actual stripping. Lilith never removed a scrap of clothing, only pulled and tugged at the fabric in suggestion. There was a flash of dimples and strap of a thong above his ass, a peak of tight curls beneath the waist of his shorts, a smear of lipstick across his jaw. His performance drove the crowd wild, but when Andrew caught a glimpse of raised scarring beneath the shirt, he knew it was to hide and not to tease. He'd wager even frequent customers had never seen more of Lilith's skin than what was already being shown.

And that was interesting.

He was intrigued in a way he knew he shouldn't be. No one with a good, stable life was stripping for a living, and Andrew's life was already messy enough without adding someone else's issues.

Nobody stripping for the Days had a stable life.

When Lilith spun to a stop at the end of the song, chest heaving, he stared across the room.

Andrew could have sworn he caught the flash of icy blue eyes staring at him.

…..

Neil sighed, pulling his mask off and staring at the smeared lipstick across his jaw where he'd fended off one of the regular female customers before going on stage. Sweat beaded on his brow, tracing down his temples. His shirt was completely soaked through, and his shorts were stuffed with bills from grubbed hands at the stage edge. No matter how classy Kevin claimed the club to be, the dancers were still strippers and the majority of customers were still gross and horny. He'd slowly started to pull the bills out when Dan clapped him on the shoulder.

���Great job out there, Neil! You really got them riled up, and you're still as popular as ever!” Dan exclaimed, ruffling his curls with a grin. Her smile fell into a neutral line as she wiped at the smudged lipstick. “You know, you don't have to do this, right? Just because you got us the positions. You've got your own work to handle.”

Neil smiled at her. “I know, but whatever I make here, I get to keep. I'm still paying off my parents' debts, and I can't do that and live at the same time if I'm just using what I get paid normally.”

She sat down beside him, turning him to face her so she could fix his makeup. “I know that, but Kevin had offered to help which is a miracle in and of itself. He's offered more than once, so you know he means it. Wouldn't he be better than Ichirou?”

Neil wanted to shake his head, but also didn't want his throat ripped out. Dan was applying small crystals to his freckled and would murder him if he ruined her work. “Ichirou is not the problem. We practically grew up together despite our fathers' best efforts. It's Lord Moriyama and his useless second son that are the problem. Lord Moriyama still doesn't trust me after my father didn't pull through on his side of the deal, and then let my mother run back to the Hatfords. No, I can't trade one thumb for another.” Neil was giving too much truth, and he felt his throat trying to constrict around his words with his need to clam up, but every one of the Foxes deserved his truth. After what his father had put them all through... They'd been through too much together to get a lie.

Dan sighed again, and sat back. “There. All fixed. Now change your shirt and shorts. You're disgusting.” Turning to glance over her shoulder as Neil followed her order, she shouted, “Allison, they're waiting for Aphrodite on stage!”

Neil gently pulled Allison to a stop before she passed him, pulling her down to whisper in her ear. “Can you check out someone for me? Blond. Short. Seated at the bar in a black suit. He's new, but doesn't look like a customer.”

Allison pressed a kiss to his temple, murmuring, “Sure thing, hon. I'll let you know what I collect after I make my rounds tonight.”

“Thanks.” Neil waited until Allison was gone and Dan had focused on him again to wave at his face. “What's all this for? I thought I didn't go on again till closing.”

“Right, but someone requested you.”

Narrowing his eyes and wrinkling his nose, he said, “I didn't put anything out saying I was taking requests tonight. You know that.” Neil only took requests when he was desperate for more cash, and Dan knew that as well too.

Dan nodded. “I know, but I wasn't able to turn them down this time. The request came from Kevin for someone else. He put down five figures. I figured you wouldn't mind if you were getting paid that much.”

Neil's mouth went dry. “How much if five figures? How does Kevin even have that much to throw around?”

“Fifteen thousand.”

“Jesus. Does he want me to fuck this guy on stage or something?” Neil asked jokingly, but Kevin with Riko could be unpredictable. He had to have faith that Kevin wouldn't ask something like that of him, and he didn't want to have to pull rank as a Wesninski and the Butcher's Son in the club. Even then, he'd only be able to pull rank on Kevin, not Riko. If it came down to a battle with Riko, the night would end with someone's blood on the walls. There was a lot of abuse and humiliation he was willing to take from Riko, but not that.

“Oh, come on!” Seth shouted from across the room where he was painting his chest bright orange, “You don't even get naked! Why are you getting paid the big bucks? How good are you at giving head, exactly?”

Neil didn't point out that he only ever 'gave head' to one person as he didn't have a choice in the matter. That wasn't information Seth should be privy to. He'd never hear the end of the gay slurs. He already got enough shit for being demisexual as it was.

“If you put half as much effort into your performance as Neil does, maybe you'd get paid more too. Unfortunately, you only attract one gender, and that's not enough,” Dan shot back at him as she smiled. Again, she returned her gaze to Neil while Matt intervened before Seth got himself killed. “So, the client is in a private room, last door on the left. Maybe he'll tip.”

Neil raised an eyebrow. “You think it's a guy?”

She shrugged. “Kevin doesn't have any women in his group, but who knows. Maybe he picked one up and is showing her a good time.”

“I doubt that. He just picked up three new bodyguards a month ago, and I don't think Coach would let women on his team with Riko around.” Neil pursed his lips, staring at the rust red of them in the mirror. After a moment, he fitted his mask back into place and stepped into a pair of lethal black heels. “I guess I'll see you in an hour or so.”

Dan waived, smiling cheekily. “Try to have some fun, Neil. Who knows? Maybe he has a sense of humor.”

Rolling his eyes good-naturedly, he ducked out of the dressing room.

…..

The private rooms were for entertainment. Most of the time, that meant lap dances and some conversation. That's what they were meant for. For the customers to get a better look at their coveted performers. What a performer did in a private room with a customer was their business though. Most of the performers were willing to do a lot for a little bit more if Kevin turned a blind eye. His only stipulation was that they stay clean, free of any drugs that he wasn't pushing and STIs.

Some customers pushed for more than the performers were willing to give, even when they said now.

Neil wasn't innocent. When he needed money and there was an easy way to get it, he didn't waste time tiptoeing around options, but he had his boundaries.

The Foxes had made a name for themselves in both the pole dancing circles and sex worker circles. When it came to the private rooms, their word was law. After several bloodied noses and broken wrists, most everyone knew that when a Fox said no, it meant no. There was no pushing. There was no coaxing. There was no wheedling. They weren't afraid to kick a customer out, and they sure as hell weren't afraid to get violent if hands were put on them. The Foxes were known for their dances and their convictions.

Customers who requested them knew not to push.

That didn't mean the Foxes weren't willing to push the fold themselves.

Neil didn't push anything. After his mother had beat the desire out of him and Lola had taken what she'd wanted, he refused to touch anyone unless he was desperate. Even desperate, the furthest he would take it was a handjob and a few unenthusiastic kisses. He made enough money on stage most nights to cover living expenses, but feeding two people got expensive after awhile. Not including the clothes and doctor visits and shoes. When he didn't need money, he kept as much distance between himself and the customers as he could.

He rarely found a need to put himself in a private room, and he always had the same reaction at first. Nausea. Shoulders pulling tight. A sense of vertigo washed over him as he slipped into the dimply lit room and closed the door behind him.

The room was dark like the main room, all black and crimson curtains with accents of gold and dusty pink interspersed throughout. Candle light flickered along the walls, and soft rolling music played through hidden speakers. Allison's song choice thrummed through the ceiling, pulsing in his feet.

Neil knew there were microphones hidden for the performers' protection. He'd been the one to suggest their installation. If the performer ever uttered their safe word or 'No' three times in a row, guards would pull the performer out immediately.

Across the room, the man Neil had seen sitting at the bar turned to look at him. He was short, shorter than Neil at about five feet even, but his presence was overwhelming as he stared at Neil blankly. He wore all black from his shiny shoes to his belt to his tie. His hair and eyes were the only splashes of color.

Hazel eyes slid up and down Neil's body, but the man didn't move to come any closer.

Neil didn't know what he was supposed to do with this lack of reaction.

…..

Andrew was collected from the bar by Nicky just as the next dancer, a woman with long blonde hair and legs for miles, stepped out. Nicky led him upstairs, a sly smile on his lips.

Andrew narrowed his eyes in response. “What's going on? I thought Kevin wanted me to get too drunk to stand. He's ruining my streak,” he groused even though he hadn't really been drinking with purpose. He'd been sipping on his whiskey as he chatted with Roland about the dancers and skirmishes they got into. What problems could be found around the club. Which were related to Kevin and which weren't.

Really, he'd just been doing reckon, but Nicky didn't need to know that.

“A present from Kevin,” Nicky said vaguely as he opened a door and closed it behind Andrew.

Andrew knew where he was without having to be told. He'd been in a backroom like this at Eden's Twilight with Roland enough times. Granted, this was nicer, but it was also actually meant for entertainments where Eden's looked like it was simply where people went to hook-up. They were all the same in the end.

A place to have a tryst. A place to get a lap dance. A place to do business that wasn't of the body variety.

He wasn't happy Kevin had sent him there, but he was also mildly curious to see who Kevin had sent for. Who Kevin thought would be interesting enough to keep him busy.

After ten minutes, Andrew considered sitting down, but didn't want to give the dancer anything to assume. He wasn't there for a lap dance. He wasn't there for a blowjob. He was there without consent, and he knew most of the dancers had to have been pushed into situations they didn't want either.

The dancer from the first performance -Lilith- slipped into the room. He'd changed, but the outfit wasn't much different than the one before. Black shorts that were seemingly painted on, tassels of diamonds hanging from the waistband to tinkle quietly around his hips. Black top of nearly see through material with gauzy sleeves that draped around his arms. New red lipstick painted his mouth, almost the same color as his curls.

He was towering in black heels, his mask still in place as he leaned back against the door.

Andrew couldn't stop his eyes from dragging up and down the man, taking in his posture, how he seemed a little off kilter. He wondered if it was Andrew himself, the room, or just the situation that was causing him such visible discomfort.

A long, tense silence passed between them before either spoke.

“You're Kevin's new bodyguard. I didn't realize earlier. You, your twin and your cousin just joined his security detail. Renee said she knew you guys from before,” Lilith said, shoulders still pressed to the door with his back arched away from the fabric covered wood.

“And who are you to Kevin?” Andrew asked, suspicious and curious at once.

“A performer. An asset. Someone to take care of the dirty work.” The words rang with truth despite the mirth there, and Andrew had to wonder if the song and dance were familiar. “But for you? I can be anyone.”

Again, suspicion reared its head. With Riko in the same building, he couldn't be too careful, even if Kevin was the one who sent Lilith. That didn't mean people couldn't be paid off. “Why's that? Is that part of your gag?”

The man shrugged, a sly smile playing across his lips. Half lidded blue eyes looked out at him from the shadows of the mask. “Kevin paid fifteen thousand for me to be here, so I assume he wants me to make you happy. By whatever means that may be.”

Lilith sounded a little sick at the prospect, and Andrew didn't miss that hint in his voice. He was a good actor otherwise, his posture never changing.

The words made Andrew sick, and he wanted to strangle Kevin. Instead, he could just waste his money. “Stop standing like that.”

Those blue eyes blinked wide, and Lilith asked, “Like what?”

“Like you're trying to showcase something. It looks painful.”

A startled laugh fell from Lilith's mouth, and he relaxed against the door. “It kind of does,” he admitted.

“Take the shoes off.”

After a pause, Lilith sighed and stepped out of the shoes, dropping down much closer to Andrew's height. “Thank god. Those are torture. Have you ever tried?”

“No.” Andrew sat down on the couch that was across from the door, leaning back with his arms across his chest. He pointed to the cushion next to him. “Sit.”

Irritation flashed across Lilith's mouth as he hesitated. It disappeared as he padded over to the couch. His body was lithe and strong like he was aware of every aspect of himself. Sitting down, he left a substantial twelve inch gap between them, but turned to face him. “This is... unconventional. Most people want me to be naked by this point. Not that they get what they want, but...”

“I'm not people.”

Lilith laughed. “Clearly. So, is there anything I can do for you?” He crossed his legs at the ankles and folded his hands in his lap. “You've got fifteen thousand dollars worth for activities.”

Andrew let his eyes wonder over the man, considering. He knew what his body wanted. He knew that he wanted to spite Kevin for this. He knew that no matter how convincing the man was or what he was indirectly offering, Andrew could spot a liar a mile away. This man was a good one, practiced and adept, but not good enough. “Let me take off your mask, yes or no?”

Lilith tensed, but nodded. “Yes.”

Andrew spanned the space between them, reaching into Lilith's hair to rifle around for the string. Puling the bow open, he set the mask aside and sat back into his seat, opening the space between them again. He stared at the man's face, at the long lashes and gems glues to his face, the curls brushing his forehead, the highlighter on his cheekbones. “What's your name?” Beneath the makeup, he could still see the bumps and rises of burns beneath an eye.

“Neil Josten.”

Andrew sat the lie in the flutter of his eyelashes, just a minor drop. “That's not your real name.”

“No.”

“You prefer to go by Neil.”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

Neil's eyes darted up to Andrew's face, surprised. “I-” He swallowed, dropping his eyes again. Taking a deep breath, he raised his eyes to meet Andrew's again, conviction in their blue depths. “What now?”

Andrew considered, chewing carefully on the inside of his cheek. “Take your shirt off, yes or no?”

“No,” Neil said immediately, flinching away from his eyes. He sputtered out a correction. “U-un-unless you really want me to.”

Interesting. “No. It's fine,” Andrew said, sliding further along the couch to give him more space, “Okay, but why? You're a stripper who doesn't take off his clothes. What are you hiding? We're playing a game here, Neil. Truth for truth. You give me a truth and I'll give you a truth.”

Neil stared at him silently for a long time before sighing. “Scars.”

“How many?”

“A lot.”

“As bad as the ones on your face?”

Neil's hand jumped up to press against the scars beneath his eyes, lips pressing into a thin line. “No. Worse.”

Andrew nodded, accepting that answer and motioning him to go.

Blinking in surprise, Neil dropped his hand. “What's your name?”

“I thought you already knew my name.”

Neil smiled. “I do, but you have a twin. I want to hear you confirm my suspicions.”

“Andrew Minyard.”

“And your twin is Aaron. Nicky is your cousin. He's nice. Always gives me a good tip when I take one of his requests. Never gets handsy unless I let him. I like their significant others too, even if I only know them from a distance.” He must have seen the unease flash across Andrew's face because he quickly said, “Sorry. Kevin's an important person to me and my family. I go overboard researching the people he's involved with so he doesn't get himself killed.”

Andrew narrowed his eyes, but he couldn't really fault him. It wasn't hard to research Aaron and Nicky anyway as their lives were documented on one or more social media pages. “Who gave you all the scars?”

Neil's jaw tightened, but he answered anyway. “My father and his associates.” His voice was tight, bitter. He sounded almost like he wanted to puke as he said, “Lola.”

“Lola,” Andrew mused, and again, Neil flinched, “What a stupid fucking name.”

Neil chuckled, the noise sounding forced to Andrew's ears. “Yes. Why did you decide to work for Kevin? How did that happen?”

“Riko tried to recruit me for his operation, but I don't work for homophobic piss babies. I needed a job, and Kevin -well, more Wymack- needed someone who could field Riko when he tries to overstep his line. Kevin and Wymack also agreed to hire my family. Riko didn't.”

“Sounds about right.”

“Which way do you swing?”

Neil smirked, and Andrew wondered how often he'd gotten the question. “I don't. I'm demisexual.”

“Interesting.”

Neil opened his mouth to ask his next question when he heard footsteps on the stairs. Instead, with wide eyes, he asked, “Can I touch you, yes or no?” mimicking Andrew's way of asking for permission. “Whoever that is, I need to convince them I'm doing my job.”

“Yes,” Andrew agreed and was surprised when Neil straddled his lap, sliding his fingers deep into Andrew's hair. The way Neil kissed was gentle and exploratory despite the situation. When Andrew gripped his thighs, he unconsciously arched into him.

The door opened without a knock, and Neil broke away a second later to stare over his shoulder accusingly. “What, Jean? I'm busy.”

“Clearly.” His eyes trailed up and down Neil, disgust etched into the curve of his lips. “Little Boss just called bother Riko and Kevin. You are to call him at your earliest convenience.”

“Thanks for the message. Now get out.”

“Putain,” the man muttered as he slammed the door closed.

Neil didn't move as his footsteps disappeared down the hall. With a sigh, he looked down into Andrew's impassive expression. “Well, guess this is ending a little early.”

“I suppose.”

Still, Neil didn't move, a sly smile pulled at his lips. “I'd like to kiss you again. It was pleasant. Also... do you want me to take care of that for you?” He pointed between their bodies where Andrew pressed hard against his ass, but politely kept his eyes on Andrew's.

Andrew was achingly hard in his pants, but he wouldn't ask for anything Neil didn't want. He didn't even know if Neil actually liked men or not. He needed to look up 'demisexual' when he had a moment. “Are you asking as part of your job or because you want to?”

Neil smiled at him, carding his fingers idly through Andrew's hair. “Because I want to. Because you listened when I said no, and didn't expect anything from me. Because you went out of your way to make me feel comfortable. Those shoes really are the worst after awhile.”

“Save it for another time,” Andrew decided.

This time, Neil beamed. “Sure thing. Bit I will ask for another kiss.”

“Demanding,” Andrew commented, but obliged as he tangled a hand in the curls at the back of Neil's head and pulled him down. When they pulled apart, he asked, “When will I see you again?” Because he was weak. He was weak for a pretty face and shady back story and the ability to listen.

'And to keep an eye on him to make sure he's not a threat to Kevin,' he told himself, even though it was a blatant lie.

“So eager,” Neil flirted, lifting himself from Andrew's lap to straighten out his clothing, “Probably sooner than you might imagine.” He plucked up his mask from beside Andrew.

“That's not an answer.”

“My schedule is never for sure, but I'm here most night. Come by any time. Ask for my by name instead of my stage name, and they'll send someone back for me. If you keep treating me like a gentleman instead of a whore, you won't even have to have Kevin pay for me.”

Andrew sat up straight. “I didn't-”

“I know. Just teasing. I'll see you soon, Andrew, and...” Neil trailed off, head ducking as he stood in the doorway and tugged his heels back on. When he finally lifted his head again, there was a sad smile gracing his lips. “Thank you. I mean it.”

And then he was gone.

Andrew dealt with himself quickly, using the supplies he found in a back corner to clean up before stepping out. He sat down heavily beside Nicky outside the VIP room. “I'm done for tonight if you want to drink.”

Nicky shook his head, but put away his phone and turned eagerly to face Andrew. “So, how was it?”

…..

Neil slipped from the room and immediately downstairs to call Ichirou. “Lord Moriyama, what can I do for you?” he asked politely because he knew Ichirou thought it was arbitrary. It made him uncomfortable, and being brothers, it was fun to needle him sometimes. “Oh, sorry. Slip of the tongue. Little Boss, what can I do for you?”

“I've told you not to call me that, Nathaniel,” Ichirou quipped back, “Either of those things.”

“Not as long as you keep calling me that.”

Ichirou chuckled quietly before his voice turned stoic. “I need you tonight. I've told the other to two stay clear for the night. I understand they're at the club currently?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Your man is already here. I'm having Moreau come in to begin set up.”

“Understood.” Neil shifted his weight from one foot to the other in the dressing room, not looking at himself in the mirror as he pulled a wig with long rust red curls into place. The hair cascaded down his back, ending at his waist. “I have to take care of one small thing before I change and head in. Is that possible?” He shimmied into a silver shimmery dress with a plunging back, the only one he ever wore into the VIP room.

“Do as you need to take care of Jane,” Ichirou told him, “I hope to see her again soon.”

“This weekend. Dinner,” Neil said, tying his mask back into place. Dressed as he was, he could almost believe he was a woman.

“Good. See you soon.”

The line clicked dead, and Neil dropped his phone back into his drawer. Renee and Matt stared at him with worry as he stepped into high silver stilettos.

He turned to them, holding out his arms. “How do I look?”

“Stunning. As always,” Renee sighed, and stepped close to fix his smeared lipstick. “We need to invest in that kind that stays forever. You go through so much lipstick. Will you need me tonight?”

“Later. I'll have Jean call,” he sighed. Before he hurried out, Matt grabbed hold of his arm.

“Don't let him push you around, Neil. You're not an object,” Matt whispered so Seth couldn't hear him.

Everyone, but Seth knew what happened to Neil in the VIP room, knew that he was one of the only ones it ever happened to. Knew it happened to degrade him and nothing more. They'd all had to pull him back together one night or another.

They worried, but worry never saved anyone.

Neil sighed again and pulled free. “Not my choice, Matt.”

“Not yet, but it will be.”

Neil smiled his wide, fake, plastic smile. “I can only hope.”

Nothing would get better for him until Kengo Moriyama finally found himself in the grave.

…..

He knocked on the door to the VIP room, not glancing at Andrew or Nicky as they eyed him. He could only hope that Andrew didn't recognize him with the long sleeve and hair and dress, which was for the best. If they made eye contact, that might not have been the case.

“Enter!” came Riko's imperious voice, and Neil repressed a growl.

He pushed open the door to purple satin and blue light, and Riko with Thea sitting on his knee like a very pretty dark doll. A scowl graced her painted mouth as Riko's hand played idly with the strings of her corset. When his hand drifted between her thighs, she slapped his hand away. “No means no.”

Neil was glad to see she hadn't lost her fire. She'd always been the strongest of them, but he wished Kevin would just get the guts to ask her out instead of shooting angry glares towards them while Jeremy sat against his leg and laughed generously. The best thing about the situation was that Jean wasn't there also mooning over Jeremy.

God, the VIP room was just a roiling pool of sexual tension. He wished Kevin and the others would get themselves into a happy polyamorous relationship.

“Ooooh, the Silver Fox is here!” Jeremy crowed, jumping to his feet and folding Neil in his arms. In his ear, Jeremy whispered, “I didn't know or I would have found a way to stop it.” When he pulled back, he trailed his lips along Neil's cheek.

Neil caught the front of his corset, whispering back. “It's fine. He didn't call for me today. Something else.”

Jeremy was beaming as he pulled back, leading Neil over to Kevin. He dropped onto the left arm of Kevin's chair, pulling Kevin's arm around his hips and tucking his fingers between his legs, unashamed.

Neil smiled seductively, leaning into Kevin's right ear as he gripped his wrist. “Can you grab Jane from the babysitter tonight? Ichirou...”

Kevin turned into Neil's neck and whispered, “Yes,” against his skin.

When Neil pulled away, he pressed a long kiss to Kevin's mouth. He beamed as he pulled back. “Well, that is all the time I have tonight,” he announced, turning back towards the door and hoping he'd get away, but Riko's voice filled the room again.

“Wesninski,” Riko called.

Kevin stared at him with a warning in his eyes as Neil winked and turned.

Stepping up to Riko's side, he snarked, “How may I help you on this fine evening, sir?” He smiled, and tried to keep the venom out of his words.

Motioning him down with two fingers, Riko wrapped a hand around the back of Neil's neck. “Next week, you will be here. We have an appointment to keep.” His hand slipped down from Neil's neck, following the curve of his back and slipping beneath the edge of his dress then the strap of his thong. “Think about the baby.” Riko hand pulled away, but gripped the back of his thigh hard enough to bruise. “Don't miss our appointment again. Understand?”

Anger and revulsion welled in Neil's chest, but he only barely managed to keep it contained. “Yes.” He stood straight, and gave the room another blinding smile. “Have a good night.”

Stepping out into the hall, Neil only managed to contain himself long enough to not slam the door. Instead, he threw a fist at the wall. He hissed at the pain that spiraled up his forearm, cursing at the split skin across his knuckles. “Fuck! God fucking dammit! Jesus fuck! Fucking Riko, piece of fuck! Nasty ass hands!” He dug the folded bills out of the strap of his thong, throwing them at the floor. He punched the wall again.

He'd forgotten Andrew and Nicky were outside the door until he heard their chairs move.

“Stop.” Andrew's strong, steady voice said behind him, grabbing his wrist as he made to punch the wall again. “You're going to break your hand. You're already bleeding.”

“Neil,” Nicky said gently, “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Neil growled harshly, but couldn't stop from looking at Andrew.

Andrew glanced at him, recognition there, but nothing more. He dropped his eyes to Neil's hand, flexing each finger and then his wrist. “Nothing serious. Maybe a jammed finger or two. You should get that cleaned, bandaged and iced as soon as possible.” He didn't comment about the tears on Neil's cheeks.

Taking a step back, Andrew bent down to pick up the bills and pressed them into Neil's uninjured hand, meeting his eyes. “Whatever this is, it's not worth hurting yourself over.”

“'Kay,” Neil whispered, flabbergasted as he stared through the guise of his mask, but he felt like Andrew could see right through him. It made him uncomfortable.

His mouth was dry.

Swallowing, he turned. “Nicky, I'm sorry for yelling,” he said.

Tears filled Nicky's brown eyes, a smile splitting his face from ear to ear. “Oh, Neil, honey!” he cried, enveloping Neil in an all encompassing hug that made Neil want to cry while simultaneously drying out his well of emotions.

“Thanks, but I have to go now, Nicky. It was... it was nice to meet you, Andrew. See you guys soon.” Trying to contain his shakiness, Neil strode away. He needed to change, fix his hand, and get to Ichirou before he started asking questions.

Because Ichirou didn't know.

And Neil never wanted him to find out.

…..

“He was trying to sabotage a shipment.” Ichirou, dark and lithe and several inches taller than Neil, stood over the whimpering man as Neil pulled on the gloves Jean had set out for him. “He was caught with a detonator in his hand. Cheep. Clearly homemade. It might not have even worked.”

The man had a head of mousy blond hair that was streaked red with darkly tanned skin. His fingers were laced behind his back, wrists tied to the simple wooden chair like his ankles. A gag had been shoved in his mouth, ear plugs wedged in his ears, and a blindfold covered his eyes.

“Who do you think he works for?” Neil asked, stepping towards the chair and unceremoniously throwing his aching fist. The impact against the man's jaw made his knuckles bleed all over again, but he held back the flinch of pain. He should have just hit him with his left hand. “Do you think this is going to be a problem?”

Ichirou looked around to where Jean stood against the wall, eyes sharp and narrowed and as dark as his brother's. “Moreau. Out. Watch the door. No one is allowed in.”

Jean bowed out of the room, closing the door firmly behind him.

Turning back, Ichirou said in a low voice. “I think he works for my brother.”

Neil paused where he was considering his tray of tools, eyes wide. “What? Why would he sabotage his own shipment?”

“Profit; if he exports than he can sell at whatever price he likes and keep everything for himself. Blackmail; he may be trying to ruin Kayleigh and Kevin. Favor; if he knocks them out of standing with my father, there will be an opening to step into. There are too many possibilities to consider. He doesn't realize he'll never be apart of the family the way he wants to no matter what he does.”

“Why Riko specifically though? Are there any clue to his immediate involvement?” Neil stared at the man in the chair, eyes narrowing. There was a cold, hollow spot in the middle of his chest that he was all too familiar with. It's where he retreated when Riko degraded him, when he killed, when he remembered his parents. “You don't think it's just my father's loyalists?”

“No. There have been shipments going missing more and more often. Riko's spending had increased. When the shipments are stolen, there is little to no casualties. Also, the raven tattoo behind his ear. It might be a coincidence, but...”

Neil allowed his father's ugly smile to pull up his lips. “Well, let's ask then.” He ripped the plugs from the man's ears and the gag out of his mouth. He yanked the man's head back by the hair at the back of his skull. “Who do you work for?”

“I-I-I-I don't know.”

“Wrong answer, handsome.” Neil held the man's head still before driving his fist straight into his nose. Cartilage shattered beneath his knuckles and blood gushed down the man's mouth. “Try again.”

“I don't know!” he shouted.

“Still the wrong answer.” Neil spent several long minutes like that, asking the same question and systematically hurting the man more when he got the same answer. Blood splattered his face, dripping down his cheek. His fist ached in its glove.

The man only spoke after Neil had broken his index finger. “Okay! Okay! I'll tell you what I know!”

Neil paused where he'd been bending the man's second finger back towards his wrist, relaxing the tension.

The man dragged in a shuddering breath. “I don't know what his name is. I really don't. I just know he's part of some big important family or something. They call him the Raven King or some stupid shit like that. I never met with him face to face. There were middle men. Idiots dressed in all black who move completely in sync. It's terrifying. I was paid thirty thousand to blow up half the shipment and take the other half. I got caught before I could do anything. I don't know anything else! Please don't kill me!”

Neil and Ichirou made eye contact over the man's head. “Were you working alone?” Neil asked, “Where were you supposed to drop the shipment?”

“N-no, but she ran off when she saw me get snatched. I've never met her before tonight. I don't know her name. I don't know anything about her.” He was breathing harder. “I was supposed to drop it off at some sports stadium. It's not used anymore. The sport never got off the ground or something.”

“Hm. What about the tattoo behind your ear?”

“Drunk night when I was sixteen.”

Neil stood, walking around behind the man. He waited for Ichirou's nod to continue. He gripped the man's head. “Thank you for your cooperation.” The snap of his neck dissipated from the room quickly enough, absorbed by black sound proofing and heavy curtains. “What do you want me to do about this?”

They both knew he wasn't walking about the body. He never disposed of the bodies, just like his father never had. That was someone else's job, but he usually paid Renee a pretty penny for her services. He trusted her more than he trusted any of the lackeys walking around the estate.

“I'm giving you permission to gather evidence against my brother for this. You may use whoever and whatever means you see fit. Once you have what we need, given my father's approval, you will kill my brother.”

Neil's blood began to boil with anticipation. When he finally got his hands on Riko, he'd rip him to shreds. They wouldn't be able to tell Neil's work from his father's.

[emmerrr]

Andreil and accidental snow angels for the winter fic prompt. :)

anonymous asked: Andreil winter prompt: snowed in and no power, what better way to spend the time than truth telling and snuggling?

i merged these two i hope that’s okay and also i’m sorry they took so long ahhhh! (this is also on ao3!)

-

not looking for redemption nor some shallow kind of bliss

The snow had fallen thick and fast all through the night, and Neil opened the curtains in the morning to see a winter wonderland outside. No run today, then.

Andrew, wrapped in the duvet, stepped up beside Neil to take in the view. He made a small sound of disgust and then shuffled back to bed. Andrew and cold weather didn’t mix.

Andrew and hot weather didn’t mix, for that matter. 

Neil smiled at the lump in the middle of the bed that was Andrew, blond hair peeking out the top.

“Coffee?”

“There isn’t any,” the lump replied, muffled.

“What do you mean there isn’t any.”

Andrew sat up and pinned Neil with a glare. “I mean that we finished it last night and there’s no more, because someone didn’t pick any up when he was at the store yesterday. Not mentioning any names, but you, Neil. It was you.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine, my bad. I’ll just go and get some then, no big deal.”

Andrew pointed out the window. “In this?”

“A bit of snow never hurt anybody.”

“Have you ever fucking heard of an avalanche.”

Neil paused; he’d forgotten about avalanches. “…Good point. But we’re not exactly in avalanche territory.”

Andrew considered this. “Well, it’s dangerous to drive in the snow.”

Neil shrugged, deciding to ignore the hypocrisy of Andrew calling out dangerous driving. “So I’ll walk.” Even if he did drive, he’d have to dig the car out first and then clear the driveway, which would take ages. Not to mention that they didn’t have a snow shovel so it was a bit of a moot point anyway.

He started getting dressed, pulling on a long sleeved t-shirt and then the biggest hoodie he could find. Andrew let out a monumental sigh and dragged himself to his feet, following Neil’s lead and dressing warmly.

He was very clearly coming, so Neil didn’t waste time telling him he didn’t have to; Andrew already knew that but had made his mind up. Pointing out the obvious was pointless, and besides, Neil appreciated the company.

At the front door, they pulled on weather-proof boots and hats and scarves and gloves, then wrapped themselves up in big coats. Feeling somewhat top-heavy, they ventured outside.

The cold was biting, their noses and cheeks quickly turning pink as they made their way through the snow, but once they were out of their own quiet street, the short journey became a little easier, as the busier roads had obviously been visited by a snow plough.

It wasn’t far to the convenience store anyway, and while Neil was getting the coffee, Andrew headed next door to the Starbucks to get them to-go cups for the walk back.

They met back up outside, and Andrew handed Neil his cup and then pulled Neil’s hat down so that it was covering the tops of his ears.

Neil smiled.

“What,” Andrew deadpanned.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to, junkie. I told you not to look at me like that.”

“Yeah, but you’re not the boss of me,” Neil said, unconcerned.

“Being the boss of you sounds exhausting,” Andrew said, then took Neil’s hand as they set off for home.

Neil swung their hands between them as they walked. “Is this for warmth?” he asked. “For safety?”

“It’s just because. You want me to let go?”

Neil squeezed Andrew’s hand. “No.”

Andrew almost looked smug. “Didn’t think so.”

Neil laughed as they turned the corner into their driveway. “Hey, you held my hand—”

The rest of his sentence evaporated as Andrew slipped on some snow and over-corrected by leaning back, resulting in him landing flat on his back. As they were still holding hands, Neil went down too in a tangle of limbs.

“Fuck,” he said, sitting up slowly and shaking snow out of his hair. He turned to Andrew. “You okay?”

Andrew still hadn’t moved, but he didn’t look hurt. “I’m fine,” he said, completely expressionless.

Neil struggled to his feet and reached a hand down to help Andrew up.

Andrew shook his head. “I live here now.”

Eyes closed, lying in the snow, Andrew started moving his arms and legs. He was making a snow angel. Neil wondered if this was a conscious decision on Andrew’s part, or if it was just ingrained in every person; if you find yourself lying in the snow, you make a snow angel.

Neil lay back down beside him, and made a snow angel of his own. When he looked over at Andrew, Andrew was already looking at him.

“What are you doing?”

Neil found Andrew’s hand in the snow. “If you live here now, I live here now.”

*

Cold, and now wet, they retreated inside to warm up. Andrew went to have the first shower while Neil put on a pot of coffee, because it was clearly going to be that sort of day. A nothing day.

Neil could live with that.

He heard Andrew step out of the shower just as the coffee pot finally filled to the top, and a moment later the overhead lights went off and that distinct quiet descended as everything electric in the house stopped running.

“Huh,” Neil said. He grabbed a flashlight out of the drawer and went to check the fuse box.

None of the trip switches looked like they needed resetting, and when he flipped the main power switch off and then on again, nothing happened.

Andrew appeared at his shoulder.

“Power cut,” Neil informed him unnecessarily.

“Is it just us?” Andrew asked.

“Good question.” They went to the window in the living room and peered out and up the street. As it was a dark, snowy day, plenty of houses had lights on when Neil and Andrew returned from the store. Now, all of them were off, and a few of their neighbours seemed to be checking out of their own windows, presumably for the same reason as they were.

“I think it’s hit the whole street, at least,” Neil said, turning to Andrew. “Oh, shit, your hair’s wet.”

“That happens sometimes when you have a shower,” Andrew said drily.

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, you know.”

“I never said I was witty.”

“Okay, shut up, go and get your towel. I’ll start a fire.”

By an extreme stroke of luck, they had a wood-burner fireplace and not an electric one, which meant that they at least had a heat source. Once Neil got it started, he remembered the just brewed coffee and hurried back into the kitchen. He split it between two thermoses so at least it would keep warm, then he took them back through to the living room.

Andrew had re-emerged from their bedroom with the duvet from their bed along with any other blanket he’d managed to find. He was sitting in front of the fire, rubbing at his damp hair with a towel.

Neil handed him a thermos and sat down beside him. “That’s better. Don’t want you catching a cold.”

“You’re the one who hasn’t warmed up after coming in from the snow,” Andrew said. “Go dry off. Change.”

“But it’s so nice and warm here now,” Neil complained, reaching for a blanket.

Andrew snatched it out of the way with his lightning fast goalie reflexes.

“You’re not allowed in the blanket fort until you put on some dry clothes.”

Neil grinned. “Oh, it’s a blanket fort now, is it?”

“Yes, and I’m the king of the blanket fort, so fuck off and change.”

Neil got to his feet and bowed as sarcastically as possible. “Yes, your royal highness.”

To be fair, Andrew was right, and Neil immediately felt better after changing out of his damp clothes and into soft and warm PJs and really thick socks.

“It’s cold outside of the blanket fort,” he said when he got back to Andrew in front of the fire.

“No shit,” Andrew replied, but he caught hold of Neil’s wrist and tugged him closer, wrapping him up in the duvet. They huddled together, sharing warmth, Neil dropping his head onto Andrew’s shoulder and letting himself be held. It was comfort in the disguise of practicality, but Neil knew that neither of them were fooled.

He pressed a kiss onto Andrew’s collar-bone.

“Your face is cold,” Andrew said, and Neil looked up, smiling sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

Andrew shrugged. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil said, and Andrew leaned in to kiss him.

This, Neil thought, was a very good way to wait out a power cut. Cocooned in their own little world, roaring fireplace, roaming hands and lips, escaped sighs and body heat and the warmth of their shared breaths between kisses.

Neil could think of worse ways to pass the time.

They got hungry after a while, and Andrew went to the kitchen to forage for food that didn’t require cooking or heating up. He returned with Pringles, cookies, and some fruit which had clearly been brought in for Neil’s benefit.

Neil took a bite of an apple. “How long do you think it’ll take for the power to come back on?”

“Snow’s pretty bad,” Andrew said. “At least a couple of hours, probably? I think there’s a number we can call to check.”

Neil pulled his phone out of his pocket, only to discover that his battery had died.

“You’ll have to do it.”

Andrew checked his own phone, then half smiled and shook his head. “Mine’s dead, too.”

Neil laughed. “Not charging your phone seems like a very me move.”

“Well I guess you’re rubbing off on me.” Andrew put his phone on the coffee table and sighed. “Nicky always calls on Saturdays as well, he’s going to think we’ve died.”

“We can call when the power’s back on,” Neil said. He stretched out across the floor, bunching a pillow up under his head. The warmth from the fireplace was making him feel pleasantly drowsy, which in turn made him talkative in the way that the very tired often are.

“I remember when I was a kid, like, five or six, back in Baltimore, and my dad wasn’t home and there was a power outage. So all the lights and everything went out and the guys he’d left at the house went to check the circuit breakers or whatever, so they were distracted. And my mom just quickly bundled me up and grabbed the car keys and started taking me to the garage, but then one of the guys came back and asked her what she was doing, and without even skipping a beat she said I had a fever and she was taking me to the pharmacy to get something. So he came with us, and then when we got home mom tucked me up in bed, and then she just never mentioned it again. I didn’t even have a fever.”

Andrew was very quiet, listening intently, his eyes never leaving Neil’s face.

“I didn’t realise until years later when we actually ran away in the middle of my Ravens tryout, but I think that was my mom’s first attempt at getting us out.”

Neil had never told anyone that before, but he’d often thought about what would have happened if they had gotten away that night. 

Odds were they’d both be dead. It probably wasn’t worth thinking about at all. That wasn’t the road they ended up taking, and the one they had taken had eventually led Neil here, to this power cut in the little house he owned with Andrew.

This was everything that mattered.

Andrew lay down opposite Neil, facing him. He didn’t comment on what Neil had said, but he gently ran his thumb across the old burn scar on Neil’s cheek.

“Me and Cass were making cookies once when there was a power cut,” he said quietly, and Neil held his breath. A truth for a truth.

“We’d made up the mixture but then we couldn’t put them in the oven because we had no power.” Andrew shrugged. “We could have just set it aside to bake them when it came back on, but instead Cass just handed me a spoon and said she wouldn’t tell if I didn’t. And we just ate raw cookie dough.”

Neil smiled. “You’re not supposed to do that.”

“No. But we did it anyway.”

“Like…the whole bowl?”

“Of course not. Just a couple of spoonfuls. Then we lit a bunch of candles and Cass found an old jigsaw puzzle and we tried to do that just by candlelight until the power came back on.”

This was a good memory, Neil realised. Anything to do with Cass was inevitably tied up with memories of trauma, but Andrew was still going to therapy and had done a lot of introspective work to get to this point, where he could take a memory for exactly what it was; a fun power cut with cookie dough and a jigsaw puzzle. And now he’d shared it with Neil.

Neither of them could change what had happened to them, but they were here now. And wasn’t that just the most remarkable thing?

Neil yawned, and his eyes drifted closed before he jolted them open again. Andrew was staring evenly back at him.

“You can sleep, Neil.”

“I don’t want to. I want to talk to you.”

Andrew shifted closer, throwing the blanket he was covered in over Neil as well.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed Neil’s forehead. “Go to sleep.”

It was hard to argue with that, and Neil’s eyes were so heavy. He let himself drift.

Some time later, the house hummed back to life, beeps from the oven and the microwave, the TV and the fridge and the coffee machine. But it went unnoticed.

Entwined together in front of the dying embers of the fire, Neil and Andrew slept on, safe and warm.

[dailyandrewandaaron]

your take on a hogwarts Au, can be andreil or kandrew ?

Hufflepuff was usually regarded as a soft touch in quidditch. an easy win for the gryffindors . Their captain Jeremy was always big  on good sportsmanship This time however neil noticed the team had made a few changes. They had a new keeper which was not surprising what was surprising was who the new keeper was

“I dont believe it“ said dan under her breath “ I thought their lot was all about fair play.”

“ whats up? “ neil asked her . Dan pointed at their new keeper  

“They’ve only gone and got the monster up “ she said through gritted teeth

“ That’s the monster?“ Neil almost laughed looking at the blonde boy who could be mistaken for a first year . “ He  looks like hes twelve ,” He had heard the  stories of the infamous monster and whereas he knew that they very much exaggerated he expected there to be at least some truth behind the tales. “Maybe hes only scary to hufflepuffs"

“Looks can be deceptive “ Dan reminded him. “ you didn’t look like much yourself when you first started."

The monster had the skills at least . neil watched him bat away the quaffle again and again like it was nothing at all . the was a fierceness to way he played that was especially unusual for a team such as hufflepuff. he could almost see now how the small blonde could've earned his  deadly reputation .

Neil let him save one more goal before he curled his fingers around the snitch and held it aloft ending the game with victory for gryffindor.

Later when they came down neil took a better look at him .

He hadn’t noticed the others paleness and sweatiness until now “out of shape?” he teased

“ Drained out of boredom “  the monster retorted “ your team cant score to save your lives”

“we still beat yours” neil reminded him.

“ Dumb luck . emphasis on dumb .” he replied 

“I thought hufflepuffs were supposed to be nice” said neil amused.  

“Doesn’t say that anywhere”  the blonde grunted.

“I think its implied”

“ No, it isn’t. “he looks past neil somehow “ Not all demons are snakes . “ he said with a dead eyed smile.

“I think you play well “

“Quidditch is a ridiculous game “the blonde  shrugged “ but its passes the time at least. nothing else to do that this time of day”

“Dont you enjoy it ?” neil asked shocked . playing quidditch had always been his biggest dream

“ They only let me be keeper. Its a very dull position . practically pointless today thanks to you”

“You think im good? “ neils eyes widened

The monster shrugged again like he didnt care either way. 

“who taught you to play like you do ?” neil asked him “ because it sure as hell wasnt hooch.”

“kevin” said the other boy.

“ kevin?” Neil frowned “ Not  Kevin Day ? The slytherin captain?”

“ The very same.” The hufflepuff grinned at him. "we train in the middle of night of the night when nobodies watching. he could train you too if you asked him.  “

Neil made a face  and shuddered. “ he scares me”

“pfft.  Its all an act - and hes not even that good at it.  We’ve known him a long time . he always thought Id be in his house everybody did. That’s why he taught me to play in the first place. now I get to use his own teaching against him. such fun!”

“ I guess he hates that” 

“ I guess he does. It's his own fault though “

A slimmer spectacled version of the monster wearing yellow scarf came from the stands and clapped  him on the back . “ good game “ he said quietly

“ couldve been better . we lose every week”

“who is that?” neil asked

“ My brother Aaron . we’re twins .”

“Really? “ neil rose an eyebrow looking from one to the other” I never would’ve guessed.”

“you asked."

The glasses made the twin look like harry potter neil thought and then remarked that aloud . the other , Aaron, frowned puzzled and then wondered away from them .

“ He doesn’t know who that is “ Andrew explained.

“Hows that?” Neil asked goggle eyed.

“ He's new to all this. We didn’t grow up together .he stayed with our muggle mother. We met by accident just before our letters came .  we never wanted to split up after that.” he didnt tell the whole story . 

The screech of breaks and the smashing of glass  clutching his brother to his chest.  “ what did you do? “ Aaron had screamed.

“ magic. it was magic “

“ Theres no such thing as magic!”

“ Is that why youre in  Hufflepuff, because didn’t want to be away from him?” neil pried jolting him out of his memories

“maybe it is . maybe it isn’t. “ he replied coldly. “ who can guess the wisdom of the hat”

“It would would make sense.  “ neil nodded to himself like he had it all figured out  and chuckled “Youre the most un-Hufflepuff Hufflepuff I know”

“ you don’t know any other hufflepuffs “ andrew challenged him

“ I know jeremy . you're not like him”

Andrew gave a smile but not in a nice way “ Im not , but you’re like any other Gryffindor “

“Am I now?” neil asked teasingly

“ Andrew stared at him directly and listed faults off with his fingers  “cocky , reckless , judgemental.“

“ooh, I hurt the monsters feelings! “ neil prattled

“ haven’t you heard?  I don’t have any feelings . everyone says so “ he replied.

“ that’s  not true . what are you afraid of ?”

Andrew grimaced .Typical griffindor valuing courage above sense. He remembered the feeling with being on the broom with nothing to support him either way . nothing to stop him from falling. Andrew had never liked flying. “heights “ he answered truthfully

“ very funny haha . “ neil rolled his eyes disbelieving  . “ don’t talk about yourself then . do you really think kevin would train me?"

“ youre never going to play like he does. Hes far too methodical . its not your style “

Neil pushed through his natural anger at that comment“ Not what I asked.”

“He’ll do it if you ask him. Kevin loves a lost cause.,a charity case if you will.”

Neil bristled at this description “ like you.” he spat back

 The blonde neither confirmed nor denied this. didn't notice the jab at all it seemed". Tell him Andrew sent you and you wont get any trouble from the slytherins ."

“ Thanks monster “

“My name is Andrew . I just said so . I thought gryffindors were meant to be smart."

“ Nah, youre thinking of ravenclaw there. "Neil turned seeing Dan beckoning as the other Gryffindors were assembling for a victory party “ my name is Neil by the way. Neil josten “

“ I dont care .” said the monster , no - Andrew , but his face seemed to soften a little  into a look not quite friendly exactly but less hostile than it had been previously.

“see at the next game, Andrew ? “ 

“who says im going  to continue playing?” he grumbled but Neil knew he would . As much as the blonde protested disinterest he had seen the way he played  and he knew it was not the way that someone who truly didn't care would play.

“I want to see you beat Kevin.” 

“Oh , that you will” Andrew said in lieu of goodbye . 

[nureyevapologist]

with every christmas card i write

a little late because of who i am as a person but here is my @aftgexchange gift for @foxeshaveclaws !! they asked for andreil, the foxes as adults and Allison, so i hope i delivered!!

Snow crunches soft beneath the wheels of Neil’s rental car and he thinks, not for the first time, that Allison’s house is the loveliest thing he’s ever seen. He had never considered himself the kind of person to have architectural preferences, especially as someone who had lived in more abandoned buildings than he could count on two hands, but Allison and Renee’s quaint little cottage made him feel warm every time he saw it. It was all one level, three bedrooms and a big open space connecting the lounge and the kitchen. The garden stretched out for what seemed to be miles, little vegetable patches that were tucked up for the winter and a scattering of vintage furniture, a homey chicken coop in the far corner. A far cry from Neil and Andrew’s modern, cosy apartment, but the perfect setting for their yearly Christmas rendezvous.

Judging by the crowd of cars outside, Neil is the last of the Foxes to arrive; he sees Matt’s truck, and Aaron’s practical family car, a rental that must belong to Nicky and Erik and another that he can only assume is Kevin’s. Andrew, Neil knows, is halfway through a flight at this very moment – scheduling conflicts had meant they’d been apart for a good few weeks, with Andrew’s professional team on a convoluted press tour while Neil’s season had finished for the year, and Neil would be lying if he said he wasn’t missing his boyfriend sorely. Still, a few more hours and Neil’s heart would be back where it belonged.

The familiar silhouettes of his Foxes, his family, flitting around beyond the curved bay window fills Neil with warmth, as he ambles up the cobblestone path with an armful of gift bags and a smile he’s settled into like a comfy sweater. Neil of seven years ago could never have envisioned this kind of Hallmark card life, the pretty green wreath on the front door of the Reynolds-Walker cottage and the welcome mat he knows almost as well as his own.

Allison flings the door open before Neil has even really grazed his knuckles against the wood, wrapping him in a hug that smells like mulled wine and feels like family. “Look who finally showed!”

“Sorry,” Neil says against her shoulder, “I’m late because of who I am as a person”

It startles a laugh out of her, softer and more free than anything Neil remembers from their college days, and she herds him into the lounge where he’s bundled into more hugs than he even really knows what to do with.

“We’re not doing gifts until Andrew is here,” Aaron says, once Neil is settled into the sofa with a cup of coffee. “So we need you to settle the vote”

“We’re split four-for-four,” Matt adds, from beside Neil. “Renee is refusing to weigh in on diplomatic grounds, but half of us wanna watch bad Christmas movies and the other half want to watch the Vipers’ game”

Neil shoots a sidelong glance at Kevin, who raises one brow from where he’s been scrolling through his phone. “I voted Christmas movies, so shut up”

Neil hides a grin behind his mug. “I didn’t say a word”

“Your face did”

He kicks out at Kevin’s hip where he’s sitting cross-legged by the fire, and Kevin yanks at his ankle in protest. It feels familiar, when Dan huffs out a laugh and Aaron rolls his eyes, when Nicky throws a mini marshmallow from his cocoa into the mix. Neil hadn’t realised how much he’d missed this; it was rare for them to all be in the same place at once, these days. Neither Aaron nor Katelyn got much time out of medical school; Matt, Dan, Allison and Kevin were all alongside Neil in the hectic world of professional Exy; Nicky and Erik were in Germany, and Renee was in the process of forming her own not-for-profit charity. It felt like something integral clicked into place when they were all together, and Neil couldn’t stop smiling even if he wanted to.

“Christmas movies,” he says, folding his legs beneath himself. “I see enough Exy as it is”

“Thank you,” Allison says, as Matt, Dan, Aaron and Erik all make noises of complaint. “Honey, do your very worst”

Renee makes a face. “They’re not bad movies, Allison”

Affecting a snobbish voice, Allison lifts her wine glass in the air; “Oh, I’m a very busy businesswoman, and I hate Christmas, and I’m so very single. But what’s this? I’m visiting my hometown? And my childhood best friend works at the Christmas tree farm? And he has a six pack now?”

Renee is trying very, very hard not to smile at Allison’s impression, and Katelyn is laughing freely where she’s tucked against Aaron’s side.

“Don’t forget he’s a single dad, too. That’s a crucial plot point”

“Et tu, Erik?” asks Renee, popping the disc into the player, and the room dissolves into giggles. It reminds Neil of away games back in college, all of them crammed into one motel room at one in the morning, trying not to wake Wymack with their antics.

Neil’s Christmas movie knowledge is pretty limited, but Allison’s impression had been pretty spot on, he decides, only fifteen minutes in. As the uptight businesswoman tears down a strip of tinsel someone had tacked to her office wall, Neil’s eyes begin to slip closed. It isn’t boring, per se, but he had driven all the way here, and he’s sandwiched comfortably between Matt and Nicky, a crocheted blanket draped over his lap while the fireplace burned away on the far wall. All of the main lights had been switched off in favour of the glow from the Christmas tree, and Matt’s shoulder was a warm, welcome presence beneath Neil’s cheek.

If he just closes his eyes, for a little moment…

Laughter is what finally wakes him.

Soft, rumbling, shaking the pillow beneath him.

No, not a pillow, he remembers. Matt’s shoulder.

“This is what I have to live with,” says a voice, familiar, warm, home.

“What you choose to live with,” Aaron corrects, smile dancing around his voice, and the sleep evaporates from Neil in an instant as his brain catches up with itself.

Andrew is standing a few feet from the sofa, arms folded across his chest, a tiny smile playing at his mouth. His hair is ridiculously mussed from where it’s clearly been hidden by a woollen hat and he’s wearing a chunky sweater, the kind Renee often knits for him and one she’d likely thrust upon him the second he entered.

“Andrew,” Neil says, scrambling to stand and nearly braining himself on the coffee table when his legs don’t quite get the message in time. Matt makes a soft, fond noise beside him and Allison laughs, but Neil can only focus on Andrew, Andrew, Andrew.

“Oh,” says Andrew, warm beneath Neil’s fingers as he’s folded into a long-awaited embrace, “decided to join us, have you?”

“Shut up,” Neil tells him, face tucked safely into the crook of Andrew’s neck. Then, quieter, “I missed you”

“Seems like it, sleeping beauty”

Neil grumbles. Andrew’s arms come around his back and he ghosts a secretive kiss to the bend of Neil’s jaw. They stay like that, frozen in time, a perfect Christmas cliché, until Andrew whispers, “I missed you, too”

In just a minute, someone will gasp in faux-surprise and point out the sprig of mistletoe tacked to the ceiling right above their heads. Andrew will tell the room at large to fuck off, but he’ll kiss Neil, anyway, mouth familiar and gentle, and Neil’s heart will beat in double-time. They’ll squeeze themselves into the same spot on the sofa, nestled beneath the kitschy blanket to finish the Christmas movie Renee had put in – a completely different movie to the one Neil had fallen asleep to, not that he particularly notices, with Andrew’s hand tucked safely against his own.

They’ll drink mulled wine and eat sugar cookies, sit in a circle by the fire to trade gifts, little pieces of sentiment that will travel back home to their own little corners of the earth. Kevin will get ahold of Wymack on Skype, a system he’s still getting to grips with, and he’ll tell them they’re all little shits despite his warm, watery eyes.

Neil will stay there, nestled between Andrew and Matt, watching the sun go down through the frosted bay windows, reminiscing with his family until his eyes begin to droop again. They will, all of them, the Foxes, get the Christmas they deserve, with a family they never thought they’d have, and a peace they’d fought tooth and nail for.

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

Okay!!! Desperate for twinyards :D!!! Will Aaron ever found out that erin takes care of him when he is drunk? And will he find out that Aaron cares for him and will there ever be a point where the things he said when he is drunk would be said when be isnt? Gosh im such trash for your fem!andreil

I’m so sorry these asks keep taking so long! They take me thirty years to get to and then they turn out really bad. One day I’ll start creating quality content. Until then, have this. 

In honor of Spoopy Month, it’s Halloween themed!!!!! (I borrowed a big chunk of it from my canon compliant fic Love of my Life but I just really like that part of the story. Sorry :))

“I never thought Crowley and Aziraphale would ever return to Eden,” Ronnie said as the Monsters made their way to the bar. Ania smiled. Erin scowled. “Aw don’t scowl at me like that, Angel.” Ronnie barely dodged the heels Erin chucked at her. With a broad smile, Ronnie turned her attention to Aaron. “I’m sorely disappointed to see that you’re not the Archangel Micheal.” Aaron glared at her but his annoyance didn’t last. 

Aaron could never stay mad at Ronnie for long. For the longest time, Ronnie had been the only ray of sunshine in Aaron’s dreary life. The middle child and only daughter of a rich widower, Ronnie was free to do as she pleased while her father groomed her brothers to inherit his fortune. Having four brothers would be more than enough for most people but Ronnie hadn’t hesitated to adopt Aaron into her little band of miscreants. In the years before Erin’s arrival, it was Ronnie (and at times, her brothers) that had been looking out for Aaron. She was just as much his sister as Erin was. That was what made their relationship so hard for him to wrap his head around. He’d given up trying to make sense of how they could have gone behind his back like that long ago but on nights out at Eden’s he couldn't help but feel a little betrayed. 

“Earth to Mikey,” Ronnie said, waving a hand in front of his face. “Come on, we’re toasting you’re little cheerleader. To Katelyn,” Ronnie cried as she raised her own shot. “For breathing -or maybe blowing- some life into Aaron!” Aaron shrieked at the crude joke as his family laughed, downing their shots. Aaron’s brain short-circuited at the sight of Erin downing her shot to the toast. She just wants to drink, Aaron told himself as he regained control of his thoughts. Curling himself into his shoulders, he stood apart as Ronnie caught up with the others.

“Aaron,” Josten said as she nudged his foot with her boot. “Erin said to grab a table.” Aaron nodded and headed off to search for one. Despite the pounding music, he heard Josten following him. He risked a backward glance only to find her watching him. He growled but Josten’s face remained blank. She’s been spending too much time with Eri, he thought as he went back to shouldering his way through the crowd. Finally, he found a table in the back of the club with just enough chairs for them. Without hesitating, he sank into one only to find it covered in something sticky and white. 

“Oh Hell no,” he screamed as he leaped up. Josten peered over at his seat before doubling over in a fit of laughter. “Fuck off, Josten.” He snatched the paper towels she offered him out of her hands and did his best to clean himself off before kicking over the chair. 

“I see temper tantrums run in the family,” Josten remarked. Aaron looked over at her. She was staring out across the dancefloor, a soft smile on her face. Following her gaze, he spotted Erin flickering in and out of view from where she still stood at the bar. A pang shot through his chest. Ania looked at Erin the same way Erik looked at Nicky- the same way Katelyn looked at him. 

“Damn you, Josten,” he said, more to himself than her. 

“I’m already damned,” she replied anyway. “I’m damned to spend the rest of eternity in love with your sister but if that isn’t damnation at its best, I don’t know what is.”

The world tilted beneath Aaron’s feet. Love. Ania had said she loved his sister. His Erin. His Little Doe. Tears spilled from Aaron’s eyes. “If you hurt her…” he said, his voice breaking before trailing off entirely as he gulped for air. 

“She’ll kill me herself,” Ania answered easily. She reached a hand out and carefully wiped a tear from his face. “Don’t cry. Eri’ll skin me alive if you do.” 

“Does she even care?” he asked. Aaron tried to smile as he asked it but he knew it came out as more of a grimace than a smile. A wave of sadness crashed down over him at the sound of his own words. 

"Of course she cares, you cracked walnut," Josten snapped. As the strobing lights passed over her countenance Aaron could see the fury on her face. "I've only known her a year. You've known her for three? Four? How the hell can you not-" Josten stopped short. "It's because you're always drunk," she said quietly. 

"No. That's Kevin," Aaron said. 

"Whenever we're here. Whenever we go home, you're too drunk to remember." 

"Remember what?" 

Josten worried her lower lip, weighing her words "Don't drink tonight." She clamped a hand over his mouth before he could protest. "Trust me. You'll see."

"Trust a liar?" 

"I wouldn't lie about Erin." It sickened Aaron to know she was telling the truth. For the remainder of the night, to Kevin's delight, Aaron discreetly pawned his drinks off to him. Where Erin excelled at faking the drug-induced mania she’d lived with for the last two years, Aaron excelled at faking a drunken stupor. Or at least, he usually did. Keeping up the act was much harder than Aaron anticipated. He was far too preoccupied keeping an eye on his sister to fully concentrate. A few rounds in, he gave up watching her in favor of retreating to the dance floor. At least there, he wouldn’t be under her constant scrutiny. 

He was wrong. Each time the crowd parted enough for him to have a clear view of the ledge where he’d left them, he found Erin’s eyes trained on him. No matter where he went or what he did, she was watching him. Beads of sweat formed along his forehead. Had she seen through his ruse? Did she know he was faking? 

There was nothing Aaron could do now but pray. He passed the remainder of the night on the floor with Nicky. Around 11:50, Ronnie called out for the final round. Josten was by Aaron’s side in an instant. 

“Throw your legs onto Nicky’s lap in the car. And talk to Kevin about something- anything. Make him laugh.” Aaron broke his facade to shoot a confused look at her. “Just do it,” Josten pleaded. Aaron ground his teeth together as he considered his options. After a moment he gave her a sharp nod and made his way over to the counter with her to collect the final round. 

In the car ride home, Aaron did as he was told. He threw his legs over Nicky’s and leaned heavily against Kevin. Kevin wrapped an arm around Aaron, who tensed immediately. Kevin Day was not known for his compassion nor for his affection. Catching the warning look Josten shot him as she buckled her seatbelt, he forced himself to relax. For once in his life, Kevin wasn’t talking about Exy. Instead, he was giving a lecture on the unabridged history of the LGBT community. Aaron tentatively slid his own commentary into the lesson. To his relief, both Kevin and Nicky laughed. He choked on the soda he was drinking when he saw the upward curl of Erin’s lips in the dashboard mirror. 

Nicky got out of the car first as it rolled to a stop on the drive. He toppled face-first into the grass and laughter burst out of Aaron. He felt something pressing at his back and before he knew it, he toppled out of the car too.

“You drunk bastard,” Erin said. Aaron’s heart stopped as he rolled onto his back. Erin was standing over him, a brilliant grin plastered to her face. “That’s what you get for drinking so much” She bent down and scooped him up in an easy, obviously practiced, motion. Aaron was too shocked to say a word. 

 Aaron was suddenly thirteen again. He was sitting curled up on his mother’s bed with the handset pressed to his ear. A woman's voice drifted through it. She was talking about a girl named Erin. The woman was gushing about how happy she was to have found Erin’s birth mother, and her brother too. Brother, Aaron thought. He felt his heart racing in his ribcage. I’m- I’m a brother! A twin brother! Aaron had been over the moon at the very thought of meeting his sister. 

        The voice of his mother sent him crashing back down to earth. She hissed at the woman to keep her fat mouth shut. She didn't want to know anything about Erin. She wanted nothing to do with her and she certainly did not want Aaron seeing her again either. She slammed the phone down so hard that Aaron jerked the phone away from his face. Silently, returned the phone to its cradle and crawled back to his own room. Drawing his legs in, he tried to hold in his grief. Hot tears streaked down his face as his shoulders shook. Anger coursed through his veins. Clenching his jaw, he unfurled himself and stalked into the kitchen. He grabbed a notebook and pen from the kitchen and ran out of the house. He raced down the block to the park. Seated at one of the picnic tables, his pen flew across the page. He wasn't quite sure what he'd written, only that he had to send it before his mother ever found out. He stopped by the fountain on his way out of the park. He would need money to send the letter. With a grimace, he peeled his shoes and socks off. Wading through the fountain, he collected every penny, nickel, and dime he could find. This isn't stealing, he told himself. They threw their money in here. Even if it is, it doesn't matter. This is for my sister. This is for Erin.

        Every day for the next two weeks, Aaron checked the mail in the hopes of finding a response to his own letter. When it came, Aaron nearly had a heart attack on the spot. He sat down on the steps in front of the house. With shaking fingers, he carefully opened the letter. A brilliant smile plastered itself across his face when he saw the chicken scratch that filled the page. It looked just like his own handwriting. Unfortunately, his smile had been quick to fade. Erin had only written back to tell Aaron that she didn’t want him around. She was more than happy to remain with Cassidy and her new brother, Drake. Aaron grabbed desperately at his chest. It felt as though some hand had forced its way into his ribcage and ripped his heart out.  New brother, Drake. Tears fell onto the page. Ink ran, blurring the words into one another. Aaron ripped up the remnants of the letter up and hurled them in the bin. He collapsed on the kitchen floor, sobbing. Great, he thought. Fucking great. It doesn’t matter. I don’t need her. I don’t need anyone. I hope I never meet Erin or her new brother Drake.

But Aaron had. He had been sat down across from her in a juvenile detention facility, three feet away from her, separated by a four-inch pane of bulletproof glass. Looking at Erin was like looking through a funhouse mirror, it was him but something wasn’t quite right. Sure, Erin’s hair was longer than his, ending harshly at the edges of her jaw and she had a few more moles than he did but that wasn’t it. Maybe it was the seemingly permanent downwards tug of her lips. Maybe it was the bold set of her shoulders that exuded a confidence Aaron could only dream of.  

Maybe it was her eyes. They were the same brown as his but where his were full of pain and fear, hers were empty. Two empty pits stared back at him from across the table. The glass may have been designed to protect him from Erin’s fists but it did nothing to save him from her eyes. So empty. So soulless. Aaron had once heard that there had been a time when people had refused to take photos for fear that they stole the souls of the photographed. At the time, Aaron had scoffed at the people for being so stupid. Now, Aaron understood. Sitting before his sister, he feared that if he stared too long into her eyes, she might steal his to replace the one she lacked. They were so cold. So empty. So loveless. On the plane back from Cali, Aaron closed his eyes only to find his sister engraved on the back of his lids. 

Back in Columbia, Aaron stood before Nicky’s full-length mirror. He’d tugged a skull cap down over his head. His bangs poked out from beneath, matching Erin’s to a T. He blinked and it really was Erin staring back at him in the mirror. Reaching a hand out, he traced a finger down her cheek. Her cold eyes stared back at him and realized why he couldn’t look directly at them. They were their mother’s eyes. When Tilda Minyard wasn’t drunk or high, she was empty. 

There wasn’t very much Aaron knew about his father other than the fact that his mother had eloped with him once she’d learned of her pregnancy. Tilda was three and a half months pregnant when Micheal Minyard died in a car crash. Depression coaxed Tilda back into old habits that Micheal had helped her break. She began drinking and chain-smoking despite the twins she bore within her. Both twins were born with fetal alcohol syndrome, manifesting in their stunted growth, ADHD, and Aaron’s dyslexia. Erin had developed a nicotine addiction as well.  It wasn’t until after Aaron had found out about his twin that Tilda had told him this. 

“I didn’t even want you,” Tilda mused as she took another swig from her whiskey bottle. “I wanted Erin but your names sound so similar that the shitty ass nurse fucked up and gave me the wrong one. You never stood a chance with me,” she said. “I was never going to love you.” Tilda swung the bottle at the side of Aaron’s head. It connected with his skull and rattled his brain but it wasn’t enough to dislodge the words from it. 

Aaron pressed his forehead up to the mirror. Up to Erin’s forehead. 

“Do you know why Mom doesn’t love us?” he whispered. “It’s because no one loved her. No one but Dad but he’s long gone. It’s his fault, you know? Luther’s, I mean. Mom is the way she is because her own brother didn’t love her enough. He didn’t love her enough to let her stay once she got pregnant. He didn’t love her enough to help her take care of us. He didn’t love her enough to protect you.” Tears slid down Aaron’s face as his grip on the mirror’s frame tightened. “Luther might not have loved his sister, but I’ll love you til the day I die.” Looking in the mirror, Aaron saw himself again but it wasn’t the same Aaron he’d grown accustomed to seeing. This one had fire. This one had fight. This one would protect his sister, no matter the cost. This one was going to save his sister from devolving into the monster their mother had become. 

That Aaron failed. Erin was just as cold and empty as their mother had been. That Aaron failed. Erin was forced to face Drake all on her own. Every night, he lay awake wondering what horrors his sister faced behind the pristine white walls of Easthaven. No amount of kisses and cuddles from Katelyn were enough to bury the weight of Aaron’s broken promise. Guilt and regret intertwined, winding around Aaron and choking the life out of him. He broke down constantly, reduced to a sobbing mess by the weight of his woes. 

Aaron loved his sister more than life itself. Erin was indifferent to him. Upon her return from Evermore, she hadn’t even spared him a passing glance. Instead, she’d fixated upon the child Josten had brought home. Aaron had never expected his sister to fawn over him. It wasn’t in her nature. Or so he had thought. It was because of this that Aaron couldn’t help the spike of jealousy that shot through him as he watched his sister’s shoulders soften when she held the baby. He could barely contain the scowl he felt tugging at his lips as Erin brushed her lips against the backs of Cleo’s hands.

  Cradling Cleo close he asked her, “What makes you so special? I know why Erin lets Ania have what she wants but what about you? You’re just a baby. I’m her brother. Am I not good enough for her?” Tears splashed down onto Cleo’s face and he hurried to wipe them off of her. As he did, he felt Cleo’s tiny hand wrap around his little finger. It was just barely big enough to encircle the single finger. “Oh,” he said. “That’s why.” He sat down on the couch and lay Cleo in his lap. She looked up at him curiously before her face split into a wide grin. “No wonder Mom wanted a daughter.” Cleo babbled at him and he chuckled softly. “You’re right. Maybe Luther was jealous too. I won’t be like him,” he swore again. “I’m not going to abandon Erin. Or you either.” 

Aaron loved his sister more than life itself. If Josten made her happy, then so be it. If Cleo was the one she showered with love, then fine. But a small part of him wasn’t fine. Erin didn’t love him. His sister, his own flesh and blood, didn’t love him. It left a hole in his heart, one that even Katelyn couldn’t fill. Aaron hadn’t known what he’d have to give up to Katelyn but what he did was far worse than anything he could have imagined. There weren’t enough words in any language to express the anguish that washed over Aaron when Erin had picked Ania over him. He’d used Josten as bait for Erin to break her promise but a small part of him had wanted her to refuse. He’d wanted Erin to pick him over her. He’d wanted Erin to do the unthinkable and tell him that she loved him more than she wanted Ania. He’d wanted her to wrap her arms around him and hold him close. 

He wanted her to hold him the way she held him now as she carried him to the front door. Josten was already unlocking the door. She turned at the sound of Erin’s footsteps. A bright smile of her own burst out across her face. 

“Shut up, Ania,” Erin swore. 

“Haven’t said a thing,” Josten replied. She pushed open the door and let Erin pass. “Erin?” she asked as she followed them into the house. “Why do you only do these things when Aaron’s drunk?” To anyone else, it may have seemed like an innocent question. To Erin though? Getting anything from her was like pulling teeth. For half a second, Aaron didn’t expect her to answer. Then he remembered that it was Josten asking not him. A pang of bitterness pierced his heart as he felt his sister’s chest swell at the intake of a breath. 

“Because he’s nice to me,” she said. Aaron’s head jerked up but Erin wasn’t paying attention. She’d stopped walking. Her eyes were trained on a spot on the wall. “After I killed Tilda, he stopped talking to me entirely. Aaron loved Tilda, even if she didn’t deserve to be loved, and I took her away. I hate when you say you’re fine because that’s what I told myself whenever he ignored me. I told myself that I didn’t care. I did. Aaron’s favorite color is navy blue. Half of my closet is navy blue. Aaron’s favorite song is Young Blood. It’s on every one of my cassette tapes in the car. I hate cool ranch chips but I buy three bags every time I go to the store because Aaron loves them. Tilda didn’t deserve Aaron’s love but he loved her anyway. I don’t deserve Aaron’s love either. I-” A shaky breath rattled through Erin. “I just wanted him to love me too.” 

“I do,” Aaron blurted out. Erin snapped out of her trance at the sound of his voice. 

“You’re not drunk,” she said. Her voice was dangerously quiet. Her eyes were dark and stony but this time Aaron didn’t look away. The longer he stared, the more apparent it was to him that they weren’t empty. Staring into them, he saw something flickering deep down inside.  

The truth about cameras is that they don’t steal your soul. They show you yours. No matter how perfect a picture may seem to others when a person looked too hard at their own, they saw what lurked beneath. It wasn’t that Erin had their mother’s eyes. It was that she had his. When Aaron looked too hard at his sister’s eyes, he saw too much of himself. He saw the sad, empty creature he’d become. He saw the defeated, lonely creature he still was. Most people hailed Aaron as ‘the normal twin’, the Dr. Jekyll to her Mr. Hyde. No one realized how wrong they were. 

Erin was a fatalist at heart. To her, everything, every single thing, was predetermined. If the world believed her to be a monster, then that was what she’d be. She played her part and lived exactly the way people thought she would. It was all an act though. Behind every one of Erin’s monstrous acts, was a lonely little girl trying her hardest not to get left behind again. 

Unlike his sister, Aaron didn’t believe in fate. Every man made his own way in life, no matter the circumstances he faced to make it there. If that was true, then didn’t that make Aaron responsible for all the things that he’d done? Growing up, Aaron had done many things he wasn’t proud of. It didn’t matter who suffered so long as it wasn’t Aaron. If there was no fate, then wasn’t Aaron responsible for all the people he’d hurt? It wasn’t Erin who was a monster. It was him. When Aaron looked too hard at his sister’s eyes, he was forced to face the monster he had become and it scared him. 

Aaron felt the support go out from under him and he hit the floor, hard. Erin spun on her heel and shoved past Josten. Neither of them moved until they heard the door to her bedroom slam shut. 

“I told you so,” Josten whispered. There were tears shining in her eyes. “It’s over, isn’t it?” she asked herself. 

“What do you mean?” Aaron asked. 

“I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone about this and now… she’ll never trust me again.” Her voice broke. 

“Ania-”

“Don’t, Aaron.” She turned on her heel and marched out of the house, nearly knocking over Kevin who was dragging Nicky in. 

“What the hell have you done to her?” Kevin snarled. Just the sight of a teary-eyed Josten was enough to sober him up. He abandoned Nicky and closed the space between himself and Aaron in the blink of an eye. Balling his fist in Aaron’s shirt, he shoved him against the wall. “I’m not asking again, Aaron.” This is what a brother should be, Aaron thought.

When Ania first arrived at Palmetto a year ago, she and Kevin were always at odds. No matter what she did, it was never enough for him. But that was because he knew she could be better. Nicky had made the mistake of mocking her once and Kevin and slammed him against the wall just as he held Aaron now. Erin intervened quickly, breaking them apart with a poisonous smile and a flash of steel but one thing remained:  Kevin Day, a man afraid of his own shadow, hadn’t hesitated to square up the second someone dissed Ania. And that was before he’d found out who she really was.

Kevin and Ania weren’t bound by blood the way the twins were. They’d chosen each other. Ania had chosen to follow Kevin out to Palmetto and Kevin had chosen to have her back. But hadn’t the twins done the same thing? Erin chose to move to Columbia and Aaron had chosen to protect her. Why had they failed where Kevin and Ania had succeeded? The two of them were just as broken as the twins. In fact, they were worse. Ania had lived her life in the shadows, jumping ship the second anyone started to get too close. Kevin had lived his life in the limelight, denied anything even resembling a friend. 

Even without knowing her, Kevin had looked upon the wretched creature that had been Ania Josten and wanted to offer her a future. He had wanted to offer her something to live for. Kevin would never be able to love Ania the way she needed to be but he wanted to give her the chance at a life where she could find someone who could. 

And he did. Kevin brought Ania to Palmetto and gave her a reason to keep going. He brought her to Erin, someone who could care for her the way she needed to be cared for. But what had Aaron done for his sister? He’d pushed her away the second things got hard. He’d denied her of the love he’d promised himself he’d give. He’d made her lonely. 

“How?” he croaked. “How do you do it?” Kevin frowned and his grip loosened.

“How what?” he asked.

“How do you always know what Ania needs?” Aaron had seen the way Ania ran to Kevin the second things fell apart. Too many times, he’d come back to the dorms to find her breaking down in Kevin’s arms. Each time he’d watched Kevin swaddle her shaking form in blankets and offer her things: a cassette player with only one tape, a bowl of vanilla ice cream drowning in chocolate syrup, his laptop with an exy game already loaded. 

During Erin’s time at Easthaven, Aaron had found himself craving the smell of cigarette smoke. He wasn’t a smoker but the smell reminded him of Erin. One night, he finally caved and dragged himself to the corner store. He returned with a pack of cigarettes and another pint of strawberry ice cream. Every time Aaron passed by the corner store, he picked one up. He never ate a single one, though. Opening the fridge door, he realized there wasn’t any space left. Every inch of his fridge was filled with pints of strawberry ice cream. 

It should be empty. The fridge should be empty. His breath came in short, ragged gasps. Aaron didn’t know when the tears started or how long he’d stayed knelt in front of the open fridge, only that Ania kicked it closed before sitting down on top of it. 

“There isn’t enough strawberry ice cream in the world to fix her,” she said. She handed him a tissue box and waited for him to blow his nose.

“Then what will?’ he asked. 

“That’s for you to figure out,” Ania said before unplugging the fridge. That was what Kevin said before he let go of Aaron entirely. With that, he left Aaron alone in the kitchen so he could lug Nicky up to his own room. 

Aaron sat heavily in one of the dining room chairs, picking at the table mats. It was early the next morning when he finally decided what to do. Actually, he didn’t decide. He just kind of stood up and started for the stairs. He didn’t even remember taking a single step. One moment he was at the kitchen table, the next he was standing in front of Erin’s door. He reached a hand out, tracing the letters on the door. The memory hit Aaron like a train. 

It had been a week after Erin had arrived in Columbia. Aaron’s name was already on the door and he had wanted to add hers to it too. Ever since he’d been old enough, Aaron had been working part-time just to keep himself and Tilda fed. In the months before Erin was set to come home, he’d picked up extra shifts to scrounge up the money he needed. With it, it went to the crafts store in the rich part of town. He picked out the four letters he needed and bought the highest quality paints he could find. On Friday, after practice, he’d broken into their mother’s liquor cabinet and grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels. Downing a swig, he found the courage to present his haul to Erin. It took some coaxing but he managed to convince her to sit on the floor with him on a pile of newspapers. Together the two of them painted the wooden letters black. Once they were dry, Aaron watched as his sister painted constellations onto them. 

“What’s that one?” he asked.

“Gemini,” she replied. 

“Astrology,” Aaron said as he crinkled his nose in disgust. Erin glanced at him, her lips just barely curling up. 

“Have you ever heard the story of Pollux and Castor?” she asked.

“No,” he replied.

“They were two brothers, twins, from Greek Mythology. They did everything together,” Erin said softly. “The two of them couldn’t live without each other. So, when Castor lay dying, Pollux called out to his father for help. Zeus saw his son’s pain and offered him a way to save his brother. Zeus offered Pollux the ability to share his immortality with his brother. Doing so would mean that neither of them could live normal lives again. They would no longer live here on Earth and they’d only have each other as company. Pollux agreed immediately. To him, his brother was more important than anything else in the world. So, Zeus turned the brothers into stars. Together, the two of them live side by side in the sky.”

“Wouldn’t you get lonely if you had only one person to talk to?” Aaron asked. 

“Not if it was you,” Erin replied. With that, she picked up the letters and moved them to the desk beneath the window. The two of them climbed into their respective beds and fell asleep. 

Aaron took a deep breath and knocked softly at his sister’s door. He stood there, his heart hammering in his chest. What if she didn’t answer? Aaron took a deep breath. He’d just try again later. Ania was right. What they’d done tonight had betrayed a great deal of Erin’s trust in them. If she didn’t answer, it was because he’d hurt her, just like he always did when he was sober. Aaron leaned his forehead against the door. “I’m sorry, Eri,” he whispered. Just then the door opened and Aaron toppled forward again. Erin neatly sidestepped his falling form but caught him with an outstretched arm. “Eri-” he began. He stopped short, realizing he didn’t know what to say.

Erin gave up waiting for him. She righted him and stepped back. Aaron took it as an invitation and entered her room. Aaron had never been inside his sister’s room. In the pale glow of the first rays of sunlight, he saw the dead roses suspended from her ceiling. A thousand photos covered the surface of the mirror. Upon closer inspection, he found that they were pictures of the Monsters. There was one of Nicky smiling brighter than the sun as Erik pressed a kiss to his cheek. There was one of Aaron shoving Matt, the two of them smiling. There was one of Wymack with his head resting on Abby’s shoulder. There was one of Bee dressed up as a bumblebee. There were a lot of photos of Ania. One of them had been kissed with black lipstick. Erin was the only Fox that owned black lipstick. As Aaron inspected them he was aware of Erin at his back. 

“There aren’t any with us in it,” he said as he dragged his fingers over them.

“Yes, there is.” Erin wrapped her hand around his wrist and guided it to one all the way in the bottom corner. Its sides were crinkled from being taken out and replaced too many times. There was a fold down the center from when it was been folded in half, probably placed between the folds of a book. 

It was a photo featuring a pair of babies. Both of them had wispy blonde hair, most of which had been tucked beneath a little beanie. They were dressed in matching white onesies patterned with little sharks. They were two perfect, identical little babies. Erin laced her fingers through Aaron’s and he suddenly saw it. The two babies were holding hands too. Eyes closed, unable to even see one another, they had taken hold of each other’s hands. Babies didn’t have much strength, but the two of them were clinging to one another like their lives depended on it.  

 “Eri-” he croaked. 

“Yes or no?” she asked. 

“Yes,” he said. Erin turned him to face her. She wrapped an arm around him and drew him close. Tentatively, he wrapped his own arms around her. “Erin?” he asked softly. She pulled back just enough to look at him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t better.”

“You were the best,” she said. “You still are.” For once, Erin’s eyes weren’t empty or angry. Instead, they were hard. Resolute. If anyone else had said it, Aaron wouldn’t have believed it. Erin wasn’t a liar. Every word she said, she meant. 

“I can be better,” he offered. He watched as she worked her jaw, searching for what to say. 

“I think I can be, too,” she said. Time seemed to stop. Aaron watched as the smallest of smiles tinged his sister’s lips. The rays of the rising sun filtered through Erin’s thick curtains, illuminating the fading freckles that danced across her face, forming constellations of their own. It turned her pale hair, bound in a messy bun atop her head, into a halo of pure gold. Erin might have been dressed as an angel last night, but she looked more like one now than she had then.

[palmettoes]

Prompt from your prompt list: 49, andreil. Bonus points for angst.

(this is not really as angsty as i intended bc it’s big soft hours and i need them to love each other but ! thank u pls enjoy some protective and emotional andrew for ur soul)

send me prompts! (p.s. these will stay open indefinitely so feel free to keep em coming. doesn’t have to be from the list if u want smth else!!)

49. “Take off your shirt.”

Seeing Neil for the first time after being apart alwaysfeels a little like heartburn. Andrew very much thinks he should be used tothis after a year of living in pockets of time between Colorado and SouthCarolina, but Neil steps through the door to his apartment and Andrew’s chestaches with want.

Neil has no reservations about making himself at home inAndrew’s space, filling the silence with a presence so loud it makes Andrewyearn. They have spent long enough watching each other’s backs that Andrewdoesn’t try to hide the way he tracks Neil’s every move. Neil is a good actor,or a good liar, or some combination of the two that makes no difference toAndrew, so he wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t been looking.

Neil kicks his shoes, drops his bag, and flops onto thecouch, spreadeagled and with his leg overlapping Andrew’s at the ankle, thesame way he always does. But Andrew is looking and it’s been five years.He knows what to look for.

Neil’s movements are familiar in their casual indifference,but Andrew can see the way he tilts slightly to the left, how he calculatesevery breath around the position of his chest. Andrew is looking, as he alwaysis, but for the first time in years, Neil is hiding.

“I didn’t expect you to still be up,” Neil says into thecrook of the arm draped over his face, exhaustion evident in every line of hisposture. Andrew drops his hand to rest on Neil’s thigh and presses his thumbinto the dimple at the side of his kneecap. Yeah right, it says andNeil’s smile peeks out from behind his forearm. Andrew always stays up to greetNeil’s arrival. It’s what they do.

“The Lions weren’t impressed when I took off at the firstsign of a break. Something about it not being team spirit.” Neil lets his armslip away, tilting his head to watch Andrew watch him.

“But what do you care?” Andrew says when it becomes apparentNeil has lost his train of thought.

“But what do I care,” Neil agrees. “They’re lucky to have meat all.”

Andrew snorts. “Don’t let Kevin hear you getting allbigheaded.”

“Kevin wouldn’t want me selling myself short,” Neil says,affecting surprise, “Haven’t you heard? I’m going to be Court.”

Andrew digs his thumb into Neil’s knee again but it isn’t areprimand, not really. He has long since stopped denying Neil a future and,more recently, stopped denying his place in it. It’s a work in progress butthey both know he would follow Neil anywhere, to the ends of the Earth or tothe Olympic Court.

Neil struggles against a yawn for several seconds beforelosing and letting his eyes drift closed in the wake of it. Andrew’s thumbreleases its pressure and takes to rubbing light circles into Neil’s skininstead, delighting in the way Neil’s muscles relax beneath his touch.

“There’s a perfectly good bed just two rooms away,” Andrewoffers and Neil hums in agreement but makes no move to get up. If anything, heslackens further into the dip of the couch cushion. Andrew bites down on theinside of his cheek and looks away, willing his frenetic heartbeat into astandstill. He knows better than to let himself be caught up in Neil’s web oflies, even if it’s been a long time since Neil spun one just for him. He triesnot to think about the implications of that.

“Take off your shirt,” he says conversationally, givingNeil’s leg one final squeeze before forcibly moving his hand away. It’s like amousetrap, how quickly Neil goes stiff again at the first pressure against hisfaçade. He sits up straight and watches Andrew, who watches him, and they playtug of war in the push and pull of their gazes.

“What?” Neil asks, but it comes out full of everything else.He sounds too open, too secretive; too brash, too easy. He must know Andrewdoesn’t believe it for a second.

“I’m not blind, Josten, even without my glasses. Take. Off.Your shirt.”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine,” Neil says, and Andrew can’t tellif it’s habit or a poorly-timed attempt at a joke. He stares at Neil forseveral loaded seconds.

“It wasn’t really a request,” he says, which they both knowis bullshit. If Neil said no, he would find another way to get the answers hewants that doesn’t involve asking more than Neil can give. But Neil isn’tsaying no, he just isn’t acting on the yes resting under his tongue.

Neil fists his hands in the hem of his shirt, pointedlyevades Andrew’s glare, and tugs it up and over his head. Andrew’s chest bottomsout. The cartography of Neil’s torso is familiar, the way dark skin gives outto a mesh of mottled scars and puckered wounds. Andrew could map every inch ofit with his eyes closed.

The despondent blue of fresh bruising isn’t whollyunfamiliar, but nor is it a welcome addition. Andrew wants to touch it, but hishands stay steady in his lap. He doesn’t trust himself not to press down, down,down, not to bend and break and burn the only thing he can reach. Neil islooking at him again but Andrew can’t afford to look away from the discolouredpatches under his ribcage, just in case. Just in case Neil crumbles before hisvery eyes.

“Who,” Andrew says, a choked question abandoned midwaythrough delivery.

Neil shrugs and looks away, then looks back all too quicklylike he can’t decide which is safer.

“It was just a bit of fun,” Neil says, though hisnonchalance falls several steps short on believable.

“Fun,” Andrew echoes, and the word tastes ashen in hismouth.

“Hazing, I guess.”

“The Lions did this to you?”

“It was just a bit of fun,” Neil repeats and in that moment,Andrew hates the word. He is a spring coiled tight around the one thing heholds close and Neil is making a show of releasing the catch.

“What did they do?” He can’t tell if knowing will make theviolence easier or harder to contain under his skin, but he knows he will snapif he doesn’t find out.

“Nothing, really. They had me tied up, but it wasn’t theirfault. They didn’t know I would panic.”

Andrew can taste his heartbeat, a pulsing anger in the backof his throat. He swallows against it but his chest constricts and he wondersif his hands have ever known anything but the shape of violence, but the weightof a knife.

“You are transferring teams,” he says because it’s the onlything he can think with any sense of finality.

“Andrew, I have a contract.”

“I don’t care.”

“Okay. Well, you know who does care? The Moriyamas.”Andrew’s glare snaps back to Neil’s at that, and Neil returns it with equalweight. “I think the bruises I’d get from them might be a little worse thanthis if they found out I turned down a contract because of a silly bit of fun.”

“It isn’t silly when your safety is concerned.”

Neil laughs hollowly. “And you’d be the expert on keeping mesafe, I suppose.”

“Well it’s not like you do a very good job of it,” Andrewsnaps.

“I managed just fine for eighteen years. Your concern ismisplaced. I didn’t need you then and I don’t need you now.”

Andrew caves and falls apart. He slams his walls in placereflexively, holding himself together between brickwork and mortar. He wasfoolish to think he could have this, to think he could have anything at all.But he knows the pattern of his breakdowns better than he knows how to openhimself up and let Neil climb inside. Fighting is familiar. Breaking is anunfortunate side effect.

“Whatever,” he says, the word freezing over before it has somuch as left his lips, and he leaves the room before Neil can retaliate.

Staring at the double bed in his bedroom isn’t much better.It is full of Neil, from the creases in the linen to the stray hoodie abandonedover the left pillow. It feels hot to the touch and cold in all the cracks,like winter is creeping between their bed sheets, and Andrew has never done toowell with snow. He cannot take it. He grabs his pillow and the spare blanketrumpled at the end of the bed and storms out with ice filling his veins.

Neil is still sitting on the couch, watching the doorway,and his presence is so obnoxious it bursts at the seams. Andrew gives himseveral seconds to catch on and, when no recognition is forthcoming, stepsforward to dump the bedding onto his abandoned spot on the couch.

“Move,” he says without looking at Neil. It’s hard when heis the loudest thing in the room, taking up so much space Andrew has to breathehim in just to release the tension in the air.

“What are you doing?”

Andrew scoffs and makes a point of glaring into the back ofthe couch despite the weight of Neil’s gaze, despite the way his eyes betrayhim with subconscious darts to his left.

“It’s one in the morning, Neil. Most people like to use thistime to sleep.”

“I’m not taking your bed, Andrew. I’ll sleep on thesofa.” Neil’s voice is laced with exhaustion, like he has sewn all his energyinto keeping his gaze sharp and left nothing to knit himself together. Andrewdoesn’t have to look at him to feel his stitches come loose; they snap liketwigs under Andrew’s fingers.

“Funny, I don’t remember giving you an option,” he says,patience slipping from the weak end of his grasp. He kicks lightly at Neil’sfoot—not close enough to touch, but the gesture sets alarm bells ringing. IfNeil knows anything at all about reading Andrew in fragile moments, he willtake it as the warning it is.

Infuriatingly, he does. He leaves just as Andrew wanted, andAndrew hates him for it. Neil has a habit of reading between the lines evenwhen there aren’t lines to read between, and he gives Andrew what he wantswithout hesitation. It sets Andrew’s blood boiling and his teeth grinding. It’sbeen five years and some days Andrew still doesn’t know how to take what he’sgiven without bracing himself for the fallout.

Of course, Neil has always been good at flipping the cardswhen Andrew finds the pattern of aching all too familiar.

What Andrew doesn’t expect is to wake up to gentle breath athis brow, ghosting over frown lines and dipping towards his hairline. The roomis still dark enough that he can’t have been out for more than a couple ofhours. Neil is curled on the floor, head resting against the arm of the couch ascant few inches from Andrew’s, and knees tucked to his chest. Andrew noticesthe dip in his cheek when he bites the inside as they make eye contact.

“Sorry,” he whispers and Andrew feels it in the warmthfanning his face. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Andrew takes in the stiffness of his posture, the tightlines either side of his mouth, the harsh cut of his gaze.

“Have you slept?” he asks, more for show than anything, ashe already knows the answer.

“Couldn’t. I don’t like fighting.”

Andrew can’t help but roll his eyes at that because, really.Neil smiles and amends, “I don’t like it when it’s us.”

Andrew rolls onto his back and eyes the ceilingthoughtfully. There is a crack running from the edge of the cornice to a metreand a half short of the light fixing, and he is surprised to find nothing butwarmth pulsing back at him when he traces it.

“We aren’t fighting,” he says and it is as much news to himas it is to Neil.

“Okay,” Neil agrees easily, “but I don’t like this either.”

And that seems fair enough. Andrew lets it settle betweenthem, because he doesn’t know how to fix it just yet. It is strange to besomeone who fixes, who mends and builds and holds on tight, when he was raisedto break. To break his enemies, and his friends, and himself most of all. Hewonders if healing always feels like a bruise on every fingertip.

“Your team, your call,” he says eventually. He still isn’tlooking at Neil but he hears the answering sigh, feels it tickle just under hisear.

“Thank you. For worrying, and for letting it go,” Neil says.He softens around the edges and folds in the middle, going malleable beneathAndrew’s words. “I promise I’m handling it.”

Andrew turns back to Neil and reaches out a careful hand, apeace offering to seal the collision of their apologies. Neil keens into thetouch almost immediately and Andrew digs his fingers into soft curls, cuppingthe side of Neil’s face and smoothing his thumb over the mottled skin at Neil’scheekbone.

“I trust you,” he says, and somehow it is enough.

They end up in bed together like second nature and Andrewthinks this is how he knows best to fix things. His fingers curl into the gapsbetween Neil’s and they are warm, warm, warm in all the cracks. Andrewcan feel himself begin to thaw.

“I do,” Neil says drowsily, his breath ruffling the hairfrom Andrew’s forehead.

“What?”

“I do. I do need you.”

It’s like a sucker punch throwing Andrew off course justwhen he got his hands back on the wheel. All the breath leaves his body thenbowls back into him in one swift hit. He chokes on it.

“You don’t. Don’t lie to me.”

Neil is silent for a long moment and Andrew half expects himto slip unconscious before his brain comes up with a response. Half expects,half hopes. He doesn’t know which is dumber.

“Okay, I don’t. But I want you,” Neil says and Andrewbreathes. The air is a different kind of tight, his breath a different kind ofrushed, and his body stuck in a different kind of freefall. This one feels likeflying. Andrew doesn’t know how to translate the weight in his chest intowords, so he shifts forward instead. He kisses Neil in tandem with the pulse oftheir hearts and it means

and I you.

[exyjunkies]

how the light gets in

Written for Andreil Week, day 5: stadium lights | read on ao3

→ In which Neil thinks it’s a good idea to come back. Andrew agrees – after all, it’s not as if he’d be going back alone.

“You know, in all the years I was here, I never actually did this before.”

Andrew hummed, letting himself listen to the wistfulness in Neil’s voice.

“That’s because you were too busy playing until your tiny junkie heart was close to giving out.”

He felt Neil squeeze his hand lightly, acknowledging the tease. On a blanket that Andrew had the foresight to bring, they were lying down in the center of Palmetto’s Exy court, staring up at the bleachers, at the plexiglass walls and ceiling. Every stadium light was on, showcasing the full orange-and-white of the court.

Andrew had been iffy about the idea of lying down in the middle of a court they used to play on, but now, he didn’t mind it one bit.

It was Neil’s sudden burst of nostalgia that sprung this into an idea – with the both of them in the US Court, they barely had any time for anything but the present. No going back on old memories, no planning for the future. There were many demands that came with playing for the national Exy team, so they vowed to spend this vacation not focusing on these demands.

(Most of which, Andrew had to admit, were not his cup of tea. After years of being on the national team, he can (kind of, sort of, to some extent) admit that being a goalkeeper is a lot more bearable than before, but he did not live for the celebrity lifestyle. Neil, of course, thrived on being able to play Exy and that alone. So on some level, they both did not care for the fame.)

Their head coach had allowed them to take a few weeks off and go back to Palmetto State with the promise that they take a few pictures and post it on their social media accounts for good PR. He had specific instructions for Andrew to post at least something, simply because his being inactive wasn’t going to stick as his reputation forever. Their PR manager, Alex, had been flooding their phones this morning, despite Andrew’s warning that annoyance will not be tolerated. Neil, thankfully, had put a stop to this by posting a picture of Andrew out on the balcony of the Columbia house.

As expected, their fans had received the photo with gusto, with some famous Exy players from other countries wishing them well, along with a few comments pouring in from the other Foxes themselves. Andrew hadn’t asked to be tagged in the photo, because he had decided a long time ago that notifications were annoying. Still, it wasn’t avoided that Neil showed him all the ones he thought he’d find amusing. Of all the feedback, the only one Neil replied to was Aaron’s thumbs up emoji – he had typed in a “hopefully u still recognize him when we get back” and hit send, ruffling Andrew’s hair lightly after he did so.

Now, Andrew turned his head a bit to stare at Neil, blinking a few times to check if he was dreaming. The striker had an awestruck look on his face, as if he was seeing the Foxhole Court’s lights for the first time. Realizing he never got to see Neil’s actual first reaction to seeing PSU’s court for the first time, Andrew quietly observed the softness of Neil’s smile, the way his other hand was pillowed under his soft auburn hair, the calmness in his breathing, the movement of Neil’s thumb up and down his forefinger as they held hands.

“Staring.”

Rolling his eyes, Andrew turned his head back to the lights. He did his best to channel the blush on his face back to the bottom of his system.

“Oh, shut up.”

Beside him, Neil laughed, a genuine one, full of life and promise, and Andrew felt his heart skip a beat. Hearing Neil laugh, like really actually laugh was the breath of fresh air he needed all along. All these past weeks, Neil had been missing something, and Andrew heard it in that laugh. That stability. That contentment. That happiness.

Then, Andrew felt Neil remove his hand from his. He frowned a little at the disappointment that he felt well up inside of him. Neil propped himself up beside Andrew, a questioning look on his face.

“Yes or no?”

Andrew raised an eyebrow. He put an arm under his head to prop himself up a bit and shoot Neil a look. “Really? Here?”

Neil rolled his eyes, the smile not leaving his face. He poked a finger into Andrew’s hip. “Dummy. Just answer the damn question.”

“God. Fine. Yes.”

Shifting nearer to Andrew, Neil wrapped an arm around Andrew’s torso and nuzzled his neck. He lifted a leg and put it over Andrew’s legs.

Into Andrew’s neck, Neil murmured, “Mmm. Better. Not quite what you were expecting, huh? You horndog.”

Andrew scoffed at the implication. Still, he moved his other arm up and over Neil, prompting the taller man to move closer. Instinctively, he started playing with Neil’s hair. There was no way he was ever going to tell Neil, but Andrew always thought he looked good with any hair color, even after he found out Neil’s original hair color was auburn. It was both a blessing and a curse.

“You’re not always one to cuddle, anyway.”

“This place is sacred. Wouldn’t think of doing anything un-sacred in it, ever.” Neil punctuated his ever by poking Andrew’s cheek, withdrawing his finger at the exact moment Andrew tried to bite it. “Too slow, asshole.”

Insults as terms of endearment. In thinking that it wasn’t possible for him to love this man even more, Andrew is once again proven wrong.

Closing his eyes, Andrew thought of everything that has lead up to this point. From his freshman year of college, back he knew nothing about what he was going to do with his life, to his life now – his ninth year as an Exy goalkeeper, his fifth year with the US Court, his third year as a pet-owner, his eighth and counting year with Neil. What Andrew felt about it all was inexplicably heavy, as if he couldn’t believe just how much had to happen for him to get here.

Understandably, Andrew didn’t like thinking about how life was before Neil. That part of him was safely locked away in a box in the corner of his mind. The nightmares about past trauma are now few and far between. Every once in a while, he remembers punching Neil out of the bed, or being woken up by Neil shoving a hand up his pillow to check for a gun. It was alternating between Neil sporting a black eye, or Neil waking up in a sweat because he was so fucking scared. Now, after years of experience have led to him being used to waking up and having Neil still asleep beside him, not an empty bed because Neil had to go sleep on the sofa.

He wondered if this was how Aaron felt about Katelyn all those years ago. If this was the feeling he was so against, if this experience was what he majorly disapproved of before and after his sobriety. The time he flew to Arizona to talk to Aaron about this flashed through his mind.

Are things with that cheerleader are still ongoing?

Andrew. You know this. You know we’ve been married for— for God knows how long.

I know.

Then why are you here?

For confirmation purposes.

And what are you confirming, exactly?

The existence of the both of you in my universe.

Aaron’s jaw had dropped a little. Then (and Andrew will never, ever let himself forget this) he had actually grinned. It was a weird twin thing, because now Andrew knows how he’d look like if he ever smiled with teeth. Afterwards, the rest of the conversation was more of Aaron forcing Andrew to apologize to Katelyn, but Andrew had strongly refused. He had felt like he had done enough character development that day.

(With enough of Aaron’s insistence though, mending things with Katelyn had come a little later.)

Andrew was jolted out of his train of thought by Neil’s lips lightly pressing against his jaw. A kiss, but not quite. Still, Andrew felt the sensation throughout his whole body. It was almost enough to make him shiver.

“Hey.”

“What, Neil.”

“Your thinking is very, very loud.”

“And you’re rude for interrupting.”

“Care to share with the class?”

“What class? I only sense one very, very annoying student.”

Neil smiled against his neck. He kissed Andrew again, this time long enough for the action to register itself into Andrew’s system twice over. “And what about it?”

“Hmm. How about I get a head start on that very unsacred activity you were planning on avoiding.”

Sex on the Foxhole Court would be uncomfortable, not to mention embarrassing if they were caught, but it could work. The logistics wouldn’t be difficult for the both of them. And if Neil was in the mood, then—

“Maybe later. I’m sleepy.” Neil mumbled, pressing another light kiss to Andrew’s jaw. Andrew heard the fatigue in Neil’s voice, and it was enough to make him a little drowsy.

“Mm. Go ahead.”

“But you have to tell me about,” Neil paused, as if thinking about which words to use, “about your thoughts.”

“It’s not anything you don’t already know.”

“It’s also obviously not about me being pretty, so…”

Neil trailed off, forgetting to complete his thought. The moment passed, and Andrew gradually felt the both of their heart beat in sync. The lights above them seemed to be a little dimmer, and, while Andrew wished he had the more advanced foresight of bringing a pillow, he didn’t think there was any other place he’d rather be.

Then, Neil trailed his hand up, up, until he was holding Andrew’s face softly.

“Nothing bad, I hope?” His whisper held the slightest tinge of worry, loud enough to reach Andrew’s ears. Andrew felt Neil’s fingers caress his cheek a bit, and Andrew felt something tighten in his chest.

Even after Andrew put all his defenses down, Neil still had it in him to be careful. No matter how strong he acted, Neil saw through the act each and every time. He thought about how nobody else would ever treat him like this. About how he would never have this with anybody else. It scared him a little.

Okay, maybe it scared him a lot.

“Oh, ‘Drew,” Neil said with a little bit of urgency, sitting up and holding his hand on Andrew’s cheek. Which had ended up being a little wet by Andrew’s tears.

Andrew can’t even tell when he had started crying.

“It wasn’t anything bad, I swear,” Andrew replied, sitting up too, taking Neil’s hand off his face and drying his tears on his sleeve. He had been overwhelmed. That’s all.

Neil, ever the worrywart, wasn’t convinced by it. “You sure?”

The worry in his tone was enough that Andrew wasn’t sure. “Yeah. I just—”

Pausing, Andrew gave the opportunity what it deserved and took in all that was around him. The awareness was calming, a steady hand to hold. There are always going to be moments like this, he realized. He closed his eyes, stilled himself, and opened them again. With this, Andrew looked at Neil, as in really looked at him, and saw him for who he was.

“I was just,” he began, and Neil prompted him by holding his hand, “thinking about life. How much has happened.”

Then, after taking a deep breath, Andrew continued, in a bit of a rush, “How I never got to thank you.”

Neil exhaled and shook his head, the relief enough to wash over Andrew himself. Then, he took Andrew’s face in both hands and put their foreheads together. Neil closed his eyes and cleared his throat a bit.

“Well, we have the rest of our lives for that now, don’t we,” Neil murmured, and after Andrew closed his eyes and nodded his reply, Neil curled a hand around the back of Andrew’s neck and put his lips to Andrew’s.

It seemed like every kiss with Neil was something Andrew needed to catalog. There were heated kisses, and playful kisses, and short kisses that said see you later, and kisses that led towards something more. This one, though. This one was more special than all the others. It was close-mouthed, chaste, but in that moment, it was everything. 

And for a brief moment, Andrew saw their entire life together flash before his eyes.

Andrew hitting Neil with a racquet in the ribs. How Andrew saw something in Neil despite being drugged to within an inch of his life. How Andrew seemed to hate Neil, and Neil had actually hated Andrew for a bit, because of what he did at Eden’s Twilight. The hatred that wasn’t really quite what Andrew thought it to be. The trauma that both of them had already gone through, still coming back to haunt them. Andrew and Neil recognizing that what they had was a-thing-but-not-really-a-thing. Andrew and the Foxes almost losing Neil. The Butcher dying, and Neil making a full recovery. Riko getting shot in the head. The Moriyamas giving Neil his life in exchange for money. Andrew and Neil graduating PSU. Sir Fat Cat McCatterson and King Fluffkins. The US Court. A whole lifetime together, ahead of them.

It was the full-blown realization that a lot of their life together was like that: not really the whole experience, but everything anyway.

 Andrew kissed back, enough to tell Neil what he couldn’t really say, and let himself go.

[nachtgraves]

Andreil Week 2018 - Day 1

Ey. I’ve never participated in a fandom week type deal so I thought this might be fun. I’m not doing all the days, but gonna attempt to do every other instead :D

If you squint, I technically incorporated all three of today’s prompts in some form. As per usual, given a prompt, chances are I’ll stretch it to the point it probably doesn’t count anymore. I can’t read a map and following directions sans detours is hard.

Influenced by Nekojita’s Heartlines and you should read that if you haven’t already. Just read all her work, honestly.

Title: A Midsummer Night’s Fib  // AO3 Word Count: 3,620 Warnings/Tags: G. Urban fantasy AU, bastardization of midsummer practices and festivals of past and present, an abnormal amount of glitter and sparkles Prompts: shakespeare | mythology | fake dating/fake exes

Neil doesn’t know why he did it but Nicky wasn’t going to quit and Allison had her phone out with that plotting gleam in her eyes and Dan and Matt were looking at him in certain ways and he just blurt it out: “I’m going with Andrew.”

They all fall silent, staring at him in various forms of shock, disbelief, and overwhelming confusion. Maybe he can make his escape while they process his words.

Nicky recovers before he can give the escape attempt more thought, however. “Andrew? You definitely mean an Andrew that isn’t my cousin, right?”

“Why are you going with the monster?” Allison demands.

“So much makes sense now,” Matt mutters and Neil would like to know what he means by that but, as if summoned, Andrew enters the room. He looks around at the various faces staring back at him before turning around and leaving without a word.

“Andrew, wait!” Nicky is the first to recover, chasing after his cousin before Andrew can get too far. “You’re going to Midsummer? With Neil?!”

Andrew stops in the middle of the doorway and turns back around. His face is blank but he meets Neil’s eyes for a brief moment before answering Nicky, bland and dry, “What I may or may not be doing is none of your business,” and then leaving.

Allison comes up to Neil, looks him up and down then directs her gaze to where Andrew had gone and sighing. “Why? I will never understand why you always go for the monster when there are way better options you could pick from. That woodland druid we ran into grabbing things for Abby a few days ago, for instance. He was so into you and not a psychopath.”

Neil just blinks at Allison. He thinks he knows what druid she’s talking about but that’s about it. Allison just sighs heavily again and shakes her head. “Whatever. I guess I should commend you for getting Andrew to come to Midsummer for the first time in forever.”

Neil frowns. “He’s never gone?”

Dan answers him. “Andrew’s not really big on the quarter day festivals, really any sort of festival, in case you hadn’t noticed. And he’s not Fae so he’d need to be taken as a guest, not that he’s ever accepted anyone’s offer for as long as he’s been here.”

Neil himself isn’t quite up to date on what Fae festival and celebration etiquette is. Between Baltimore and being on the run, Fae celebrations were never something he partook in. For most of his life, his mother’s Fae heritage was beaten down and he recoiled against his father’s warlock practices.

He doesn’t get a chance to think on his past for too long. Nicky, having lost Andrew, comes bounding towards Neil with a broad grin that has Neil worried.

“Since you’ve got yourself a date, that’s part one done,” he starts. Neil really doesn’t want to hear part two, or if there’s a part three and four to follow. But Nicky barrels on, his eyes doing that sparkly thing it does when he’s excited about Erik or shopping or matchmaking. “Now, we need clothes!”

Neil regrets everything.

Midsummer lands on a Saturday this year, and the festival starts midday Friday to the sunset on Saturday, just over 24 hours of celebrations. Basically, it’s just a drinking marathon with interspersed traditional events, as far as Neil knows.

Shopping ends up being a team activity. They split up into the various cars, Neil going with the twins, Nicky, and Kevin. Once at the mall, the group splits up, agreeing to meet up at the food court in a couple hours. Dan, Matt, Renee, and Allison go off, Allison knowing exactly where she wants to go. Aaron dips away to meet up with Katelyn, leaving Andrew, Neil, and Kevin to follow after Nicky.

They wind up in stores that Neil would only ever expect Renee to shop at, but he learns that Midsummer attire consists of light, airy, or floral. He can’t imagine Andrew dressing in anything on the racks around them.

Neil’s eyes flit to the man, picking blankly through some loose, long sleeved shirts, and worries his bottom lip. He hasn’t had the chance to speak with his apparent date, never able to catch Andrew alone. So far, it seems like Andrew is going to play along. At the very least, he hasn’t thrown Neil under the bus. But Neil doesn’t want to force Andrew into doing something he doesn’t want to, the guilt eats up at him.

Looking around, Nicky’s looking through jeans, a pile of clothes already over one arm, and Kevin’s on his phone texting. Neil makes his way over to Andrew, pretending to look through the pile of shirts next to him.

“You don’t have to pretend to be my, uh, date,” he says.

Andrew makes no sign that he heard Neil, or even acknowledges him. He just grabs one of the shirts from the rack and throws it at Neil. Neil only just catches it. It’s soft and light, a faded dark red. Andrew moves on to a pile of jeans and grabs a light beige pair after looking through sizes, tossing that to Neil as well.

“Go try those one,” he orders. Neil frowns but does as told when Andrew just stares at him. Like previous times, the clothes fit well in that they’re not too big on his frame per his usual preference, but these are still light and loose. The shirt has some sort of crisscross lacing at the neck that dips down his sternum, and the sleeves are a smidge too long, coming halfway down his palms. The jeans are tight, formed to his legs, especially at his calves. They’re ripped at the knees with other signs of distress low on his thighs and along his shins.

He changes back into his own clothes and goes to find Andrew and the others. They all finish up relatively quickly and go to pay. Andrew dumps his collection with Neil’s with a pointed, “This is your fault.”

Since that’s about as close as Neil is going to get as a response to whether or not Andrew’s on board with the charade, he pays for the both of them and only winces slightly at the resulting cost. Nicky has a few other shops he wants to go to so they follow after him until it’s about time to meet back up with the others and grab food.

Dan, Matt, Allison, and Renee are already there. They’ve commandeered a table big enough for all of them and two extra chairs are piled with shopping bags. They’ve also already gone and grabbed food, trays ranging from burgers to pizza to what looks like Thai. Andrew’s crew dump their bags and go off to grab food of their own before returning. Neil pays for Andrew’s burger and tooth-rotting milkshake.

“Successful day?” Nicky asks, plopping down and immediately going into conversation about purchases with Allison and Matt. Neil quietly takes a seat at the end of the table next to Andrew, busying himself with his salad. Aaron and Katelyn show up and Katelyn joins in talking about Midsummer plans and excitement. Neil keeps half an ear on their conversation, piecing together what Midsummer with the Foxes entails. It really doesn’t sound like much more than a big party involving all the Fae courts in the area.

Neil’s content to listen and pick at his salad, but not everyone else is on board with that. He’s pulled into conversation by Allison cupping her chin in her palm and leaning across the table, staring him down. “So how long have you and Andrew been enough of a thing to go to Midsummer as a pair?”

Neil looks to Andrew who continues to work on his monstrosity of a milkshake. The only sign of him paying attention to the table is the way he loudly sucks up the chocolate and brownie ice cream mix.

Neil rolls his eyes at Allison. “It’s not anyone’s business. It’s just a party.”

“Midsummer is not just a party,” Nicky butts in. “Of all the quarter days it’s the one that’s all about relationships! Erik proposed to me at the last one I went to with him in Germany.”

“It does focus on relationships, but not only of those romantic in nature. There’s an emphasis on women and family as a whole, as well,” Renee adds.

Neil frowns. “But you were trying to set me up with strangers.”

Allison just looks at him like he’s a fumbling child who doesn’t know anything. “You don’t go to Midsummer stag unless you intend to get around or your partner can’t make it for whatever reason.”

Neil still doesn’t get why they care so much. He stuffs his mouth to keep from having to continue the conversation and is relieved when Renee distracts everyone by talking about the upcoming fall semester.

Neil finishes his salad and slides his eyes to Andrew who’s dipping his French fries into what’s left of his milkshake. Andrew meets his gaze and raises a brow mockingly at him. “Enjoying your first Midsummer?”

Neil really doesn’t need his input on how much of a hassle one little fib’s turned into.

Midsummer Eve starts like a normal day up until Neil is nabbed by Allison and Nicky to get dressed and made up. He’s given a pile of clothes and told to get dressed. In addition to what he had tried on the other day, he’s given knee-high leather boots that lace up all the way and an assortment of braided leather and hemp bracelets in varying shades of brown that all together cover a good three inches of his wrists. He’s made to sit through a bit of make-up, Allison lining his eyes with dark red-brown eyeliner and smudging some sort of gel, shimmery with specks of red glitter, on his cheeks. He draws the line at the equally shimmery lip gloss Allison is poised to smear on him.

Allison isn’t too disappointed. “I figured the lip gloss would be too much for you.”

Nicky, however, sulks openly as he gets his turn to arrange Neil’s auburn curls. He adds some sort of spray to it on top of the styling gel. Neil catches sight of the can, seeing it’s some sort of gold glitter spray suitable for skin and hair.

When he’s allowed to see himself, Neil scrunches his nose at his appearance. He looks, well, Fae. There’s no other word to describe it. If he pulled down the glamour that rounded his ears, he’d look like something out of a fairy tale storybook, scars ignored. It’s almost too much, but seeing how the girls and Nicky are done up, he’s grateful that this is all they’ve done to him. He could have had glittery lips to match his hair and cheeks and a lot more sparkly jewelry.

They meet up at the court when they’re ready. Everyone’s dressed in ways to complement their natures or alignments, or matching their Fae date. They’ve all got shimmery glitter on them in some form. Neil wonders if Allison and Nicky bought out their favourite stores of everything that contained glitter and sparkles.

In essence, they look like they got lost going to a Renaissance faire. Even Andrew’s deigned to look the part, although he’s stuck with his black, just in different cuts. Neil finds himself staring at the way the shirt, similar to his own but a deep black, hugs Andrew’s shoulders. Somehow, he’s been convinced to partake in the glitter, his jeans glittering silver in the light and a matching shimmer in his hair.

Andrew comes up to him. “Staring,” he accuses, but he stares Neil up and down before reaching out and tugging at the leather necklace around Neil’s neck, pulling Neil down and leaving barely inches between their faces. He reaches up to thumb at Neil’s cheek, some of the red glitter staining his thumb.

“Couldn’t take the lip gloss? Andrew smirks.

Neil narrows his eyes. “Not like you’re wearing any either.”

Andrew shrugs and lets Neil go, moving to stand beside him waiting for Wymack and Abby to finish up lighting up the first fires. Since they can’t go around lighting full bonfires across campus and the court, they light candles that will burn until they get back. They’re put everywhere from Wymack’s office to around the court to the dorms.

“Now, most of you know how this works. We’ll be there until tomorrow morning unless one of you idiots manage to do something that’ll have us leaving before someone dies or gets cursed,” Wymack says as Abby gathers together what she needs to create a portal to the Fae realm.

Where Midsummer is held differs every year and by regions, but it is always within the Fae realm. Abby and Wymack, with help from Renee, create the portal and they all file through once it’s set up. Non-Fae enter with the Fae who invited them and Neil watches as Allison takes Renee, arm in arm, while Dan ushers Aaron and Katelyn in, and Matt takes Nicky, Nicky cheerfully clinging onto Matt’s arm. Kevin escorts Abby, so Wymack can keep the doors open and Neil realizes it’s his and Andrew’s turn.

Andrew offers an arm and a quiet, “Yes or no?”

Neil nods, says yes just as quietly, and lightly slides his hand into the offered crook.

There’s nothing overly shocking about stepping through the portal, it’s a smooth transition for the most part. But Neil feels his glamour fall the second he and Andrew are through and into a clearing alight with lanterns and the beginnings of the biggest bonfire he’s ever seen. He panics, hands going up to his ears, now pointed and distinctly elven, and he can only imagine that his pupils have turned into cat-like slits, mirror images of his father’s.

A hand comes up and grips lightly but firmly at the back of his neck and after a second, Neil sees that it’s Andrew’s. He allows Andrew to guide him to the side, towards a copse of trees decorated with little lights.

“Glamours have no effect in places like this,” Andrew says. Neil knows that there are such places, it just didn’t cross his mind that Midsummer was held in one of them. “Is this going to be a problem?”

Neil takes some controlling breaths and shakes his head. “I just wasn’t expecting it.” He looks around and sees that it’s true, no one appears to have glamours, an array of various Fae and their companions in full form. Matt’s arms are patched with bark, Dan’s hair is littered with tiny flicks of flames, and Allison’s translucent wings are tucked behind her back as she walks with Renee towards where the bonfire is being set up.

Andrew releases his hold on Neil’s neck, and Neil finds himself missing it. But he focuses and grounds himself, tries to ignore how open and vulnerable he feels without his glamour, something he’s far too used to constantly having on his person.

When he feels more or less in control again, Andrew’s staring at him. Neil raises a brow and Andrew shakes his head and starts walking towards where food is laid out. “You Fae better have alcohol at these things.”

There are various types of alcohol, mundane and Fae tinkered. Andrew sticks to the normal drinks and piles a plate high with various desserts after making Neil figure out what some of the unfamiliar ones are. Neil sticks to the array of fruits, berries, and cheeses.

Neil finds Midsummer to be interesting on the whole. The bonfire is built quickly and people in pairs or groups dance around it. Nicky flits between couples and people who appear to be single, dancing and running around cheerfully. He even takes Katelyn for a round around the fire, the two twirling amongst other couples and groups. Abby and Wymack stick to the small lake where mermaids and water aligned Fae linger. There looks to be some sort of flower garland making camp set up, rings of woven flowers and foliage set to float into the water. Neil notices that a number of attendees have flowers in their hair as the night goes on, ranging from crowns to being woven directly into their locks.

At some point, Renee comes by, a rainbow crown of flowers in her hair, and hands Neil and Andrew flower crowns of their own. Neil’s is made of flowers in hues of red and white and Andrew’s of dark purples and grey. They’re lightly dusted in glitter and Neil both wants to and doesn’t want to know where on earth they’re all getting it from. Andrew scowls at it but puts it on and dares Neil to comment on it with a glare.

“Who’s the one that looks like some woodland elf?” Andrew sneers when Neil can’t stop his smile quick enough.

“At least I don’t look like some goth pixie.” Neil gets shoved for that, dropping his fruits. He glares at Andrew who just smirks. But when Andrew goes to refill on drinks and sweets, he has an extra bowl of sugar glazed berries he claims he lost interest in on the walk back to Neil. They’re almost too sugary sweet but Neil eats them all, licking his fingers of the glaze after.

He finds Andrew watching him before Andrew looks back to the fire, watching his brother and cousin and Kevin who’s been off with Thea who came separately. Neil grabbing some more of the sugar covered fruit is met with narrowed eyes. It only encourages him to smile as he offers some of the fruit to Andrew who only scoffs and takes a swig of his drink.

As the sun begins to set, young Fae take part in some tradition involving jumping over the bonfire that’s settled down to something a little more reasonable. Couples go after and Neil watches Matt and Dan, Allison and Renee, Aaron and Katelyn, and even Wymack and Abby. He doesn’t know if he and Andrew are expected to do so, but he sees some other pairs only watching and stays settled in the grass beside Andrew. However, once it begins to grow dark and the lanterns and lights in the field grow brighter, Neil and Andrew are tracked down by the Foxes, none sober, and forced to join in the new round of dancing around the dying bonfire.

It’s not terrible, and Neil finds himself laughing and smiling at the Foxes’ actions. And then Nicky ushers Neil towards Andrew exclaiming something about how the two haven’t danced at all together the entire night and Neil just barely stops himself from crashing fully into the scowling man.

“I’m going to kill him,” Andrew mutters but he holds out a hand and directs to Neil, “Yes or no?”

Neil blinks in surprise but he finds himself taking Andrew’s hand and saying, “Yes.”

“Hands don’t go below my shoulders,” Andrew states, his own going to Neil’s waist after pausing for Neil to nod his consent. Neil lightly places his hands on Andrew’s shoulders, feeling the muscle and warmth through his thin shirt.

As they dance around the fire, Neil thinks back and realizes he’s not entirely clueless as to why Andrew’s name was on his tongue. They may have started off rocky when Neil first met the Foxes, but Andrew’s safe. Andrew is strange and dangerous but safe. He’s not safe in the conventional way, but he understands Neil and Neil knows he can trust the other man.

He doesn’t know what look is on his face but Andrew stares just as intently at him for the duration of the dance before they break apart. Andrew leads the way to the side, finding a patch of grass barely touched by the firelight. Neil sits down beside him, just short of their shoulders brushing.

The festivities die down, people dozing off around the fire, going into the woods to sleep for a few hours. The Foxes all gather to where Neil and Andrew are, eating and drinking until one by one they nod off and Neil and Andrew are the only Foxes awake.

“The autumnal equinox is next,” Andrew says quietly. “Now that you’ve agreed to this one, fat chance of evading any of the others.”

Neil groans, falling over his bent legs, pressing his forehead to his knees. “I have to deal with Allison and Nicky trying to set me up four times a year now?” He turns his head when the expected jab from Andrew doesn’t come, staining the knees of his pants with the red glitter that is still stubbornly stuck to his cheeks.

Andrew’s looking at him, considering. His flower crown is tilted and in the flickering lights of the fire there’s something unearthly about the human. Neil wants to reach out and touch the curve of his jaw, feel the strength of his shoulder again.

“Staring,” Andrew says.

“So are you,” Neil replies.

“Why did you lie?”

Neil frowns. “About?”

Andrew rolls his eyes and gestures around.

“Oh. I just wanted them to get off my back,” Neil answers. “I just blurted your name out.” The shuttered blankness of Andrew’s expression has Neil offering more, a truth he’s still figuring out. “At first I didn’t know why I picked you, but. I think I would have asked you anyway.”

Neil doesn’t know if he’s said too much, revealed too much, but Andrew only reaches a hand out towards Neil’s face. “Yes or no?”

Neil sits up, pressing his cheek into Andrew’s waiting hand, keeps his hands in the grass.

“Yes.”

[eucatastrph]

hi, it’s me, back at it again w/ the (mostly) non-sexual intimacy

I would very much like to discuss soft baths and andreil today bc i had a fucking fantastic bubble bath and i think everyone should have more of them so buckle up my dudes

(also we’re operating in a little au in which college dorms have baths bc i do what the fuck i want) 

it starts mostly just bc andrew likes to have baths, he likes to sit there for ages in the soapy water and let it relax his muscles after tough training for stupid sports and adds hot water when it gets cold and he is short enough that his whole body can be under water (lucky bastard) 

he likes to hold his breath under water and enjoy how everything feels muffled and distant and separate and like nothing else matters for a minute so he usually has baths when he's having a bad day, with a locked door and soft pyjamas and hot chocolate waiting for when he comes out

it also happens in part bc Allison likes two things a lot 

1 - buying things for her friends

2 - lush bath bombs 

so she combines this and decides that neil Needs some bath bombs bc we all know this boy is shit at self-care so allison is trying to get him to take actual care of himself bc she is an Excellent friend 

one day she comes to visit armed with a bag of lovely smelling stuff, shoves it at neil and tells him to take a fucking bath 

neil is sorta stunned (poor boy still isn’t great at accepting gifts but between andrew’s eden’s outfits and allison’s enthusiasm for gift-giving he’s been getting better) and he just sort of mumbles out a thank you and allison gives his cheek a soft pat

neil takes them all back to his dorm and lays them all out and smells them all and some are too strong but most of them are so nice and he actually likes the idea of them a lot and makes plans to take an actual bath this weekend for the first time in years 

so he does, he runs the water far too hot at first and scalds his foot when he tries to get in but he figures it out and sits down and its actually really nice?? he might be starting to get why andrew likes this so much??

and then he grabs the bathbomb (im thinking Metamorphosis?? it smells nice and warm and its back on the outside but it explodes into so many colours its so pretty guys) 

and he just watches the colours and the smell and he's like ?? maybe allison is Right?? (spoiler: she is. Always.)

meanwhile, andrew is getting worried (he’d rather Die than admit it tho) bc neil up until this point has been strictly a quick shower guy (unless andrew is in there too, then it’s less quick), like, he used body wash to shampoo his hair until he discovered that if he stole andrew’s actual shampoo his hair felt much nicer 

also the last time neil took this long in the bathroom andrew went in to check on him and found him staring at his own face in the mirror and borderline hyperventilating and andrew would rather not have a repeat performance of that one thanks

so he goes to knock on the door 

Neil just shouts to come in, he knows it’s andrew bc they're the only two in their format the moment, kevin having gone to drink with aaron and nicky in their room. he hasn’t locked the door bc he remembered the last time as well, and knows it would have taken him much longer to pull himself back from the edge if andrew hadn’t been able to get there there to hold the back of his neck and tell him in no uncertain terms to stop it

so andrew comes in to the sight of one neil josten lying in a steamy bath swirling his fingertips in the colourful mess on the surface of the water

and he kinda wants to be in there too 

(im gonna put this in andrew’s last year?? when they've had more time to get comfortable with touching each other and accepting physical comfort and reassurance??)

so he asks “can i come in, yes or no?”

neil is ecstatic at the proposition, he is already feeling pretty relaxed and his muscles feel loose and he’s content and the idea of andrew being there too is too good to resist, also, more importantly, he’s insanely proud of how much of andrew’s trust he's earned 

so he says, grinning, “always yes” 

andrew mumbles a token protest against the ‘always’ as he strips down to his underwear but leaves them on bc he isn’t in the mood for pushing any boundaries rn, he just wants to relax with neil in the bath and this puts him more at ease no matter now much progress they’ve made

he walks over and steps in and is immediately like “josten this is too fucking cold why the fuck are you sitting here freezing have you finally snapped” 

neil thinks it’s a perfectly reasonable temperature but acquiesces to turn on the hot water tap again as andrew manages to sit down in between neil’s legs 

(they both fit perfectly in the bath and I'm still jealous of short people)

andrew’s tense at first, his back carefully upright and held away from neil’s chest but then neil asks where he can touch and andrew says anywhere above the waist so neil carefully runs his hands up and down andrew’s back until he relaxes and leans back against neil

and then they just sit there quietly for a while, enjoying each others company as neil carefully plays with andrews hair and plants the occasional soft kiss on top of andrew’s head or his neck which makes andrew’s head loll to the side to give neil better access (he’s long accepted that neil might not be the only one with a slight neck fetish)

and andrew feels relaxed too now, and content bc this wasn’t a thing that he ever thought he’d be allowed to have, but he made it and things might not be this good all the time but the percentage of bad days has been dropping and he’ll take that

so he takes one of nails scarred hands and kisses all the burns along his hand and arm and squeezes their fingers together

you know that thing couples do where their fingers are interlocked and they kinda seem the they're trying to pull apart but then their hands snap together again?? its like a play fighting thingy that i can’t describe well?? they do that

when the water finally starts to get cold they decide to actually get clean, since that is also part of the essential purpose of a bath

they’re so careful and gentle with each other, they wash each others hair and are certain not to get any suds in eyes and they rub softly over scars with sweet smelling body wash and it’s all just very careful and nice and makes them think about how far they’ve come from that shower they shared after baltimore when they were both just happy to be alive and together whereas now they're actually living together and making a life, which might not be as thrilling but it’s so comfortable and reassuring that its a thousand times better

they get out slowly and pull on their pyjamas which are soft and both smell of the same laundry detergent, and they go to get hot chocolate for andrew and tea for neil before they go to bed and lie pressed together while they watch some random show on neil’s laptop until they’re ready to fall asleep.

[emmerrr]

♔ and andreil???? love your writing, you’re amazing

♔: Finding the other wearing their clothes

hey anon thanks for being patient with me (and for the kind words! read on ao3 if you prefer]

this is my final prompt! please don’t send me anymore :)

They have the Christmas jumpers for no other reason than because Nicky bought them. A Fox Christmas party for which attendance was mandatory had included a less than polite (courtesy of Allison) request that everyone dress festive, and Nicky must have known that left to their own devices, Neil and Andrew would not enter into the spirit. (The only reason he hadn’t also purchased one for Aaron was because Katelyn had saved him the trouble; it matched her own.)

Neil’s is loud and garish; bright red and patterned with alternate rows of Christmas trees, polar bears wearing festive scarves, and gingerbread men. Andrew’s is much subtler, fair isle and navy blue, the only hints of festivity in the snowflakes that line the collar.

They were chosen specifically because Neil would wear whatever he was given and not particularly care thanks to prolonged exposure to the Foxes and their various whims. Andrew, on the other hand, would not take kindly to being forced into a holly jolly jumper. Nicky wanted him to participate, but he didn’t want to cross any boundaries.

It was unexpectedly thoughtful of Nicky, but then again when Neil really thought about it, it wasn’t unexpected at all.

The party came, the jumpers were worn, and then it went and that was that. 

As the years passed, Andrew would still wear his occasionally come the winter time, because it was warm and he was practical, and at least it wasn’t offensively cheerful. Neil didn’t really have cause or inclination to wear his own, but he still kept it. There were always chances of Christmas parties once he was signed to a pro-team, and it didn’t hurt to have something silly to wear in case it was required, especially when the alternative would have been picking out something for himself, or being a party-pooper. (Not that Neil was opposed to being a party-pooper per se, it just tended to make his life easier if he wasn’t.)

Through numerous moves, from suite to suite whilst Neil was still at PSU, to the house in Columbia and then to Neil’s very first apartment, the jumper came with, always working its way into the back of the closet and, for the most part, forgotten about.

Until now.

It’s the first Christmas of Neil’s first year of being signed, and he’s driving home from his final practice of the year, weary but excited. Andrew will be in his apartment when he gets home.

Andrew finished for the holidays the night before and has been driving down through the day, loathe to fly if he can at all help it. Flying saves time, obviously, but seeing as Neil has been out most of the day, it gave Andrew a good excuse not to have to get on an airplane.

Christmas is set to be a quiet affair, as always. There’s a multitude of reasons why they don’t really celebrate, at least not in a big way, but there are aspects that Neil enjoys. He likes the cards his Foxes send from wherever they may be, even the ones from Kevin that inevitably include tips on how to improve their game. What Neil likes most about the Christmas cards is that they’re always addressed to both him and Andrew. He likes the fact that it’s inevitable that wherever they’ll be for the holidays, they’ll be together.

Neil does have a Christmas tree; a small one in the corner of the living room, because he likes the lights, and Renee made tree ornaments for all the Foxes with their names on them. It’s nice to have his and Andrew’s names hanging close together on the little tree, glowing in the twinkling lights. 

But right now as Neil pulls into the parking garage of his apartment building, he’s not thinking about Christmas cards or the tree, or ornaments or lights. He’s thinking about how Andrew is already inside waiting for him, thanks to the key that Neil gave him.

It’s an effort not to run up the stairs, but Neil just showered at the stadium and he really doesn’t want to get all sweaty again, especially considering he lives on the 11th floor. Instead he waits a tortuously long time for the elevator, jiggling on his toes with eager anticipation as he watches the floor numbers change with agonising slowness.

Finally, the doors ding open and he rushes out and down the corridor to his apartment, key already in hand. It’s the work of a moment to get inside and Andrew’s name is out of his mouth before the door has even closed behind him.

“In here,” returns Andrew’s familiar drawl, and Neil toes out of his shoes, drops his duffel to the floor, and follows Andrew’s voice to the kitchen.

He’s fully prepared to barrel into Andrew immediately for the kiss he’s been thinking about all day (all week, all month), but he freezes in the doorway when he catches sight of Andrew over by the stove, stirring something in a small saucepan.

“Hi,” Neil says, a little breathlessly, and Andrew turns around. Neil’s sure now that Andrew’s facing him, and he tilts his head to the side, unable to stop the slight smile he can feel tugging at his lips.

Andrew stares, then he huffs, then he rolls his eyes. “What, Neil.”

“Nothing,” Neil says, but he’s fully grinning now, and he takes a step closer. “It’s just – did you know that you were wearing my hideous Christmas jumper?”

“I’m not blind, Neil.”

“That’s sort of my point.”

Andrew sighs and turns back to whatever he has in his pan. “Your apartment is freezing, and all your good hoodies are dirty. When was the last time you did laundry anyway?”

Admittedly, it’s been a while, but Neil also knows that Andrew has plenty of his own hoodies to wear. The fact that he went searching for something of Neil’s at all was because he wanted to. He wanted to wear something of Neil’s enough that he was willing to put on a jumper so Christmassy that it practically punched you in the face with its festive cheer.

But Neil won’t push his luck, and he won’t make an issue out of it. He crosses the kitchen towards Andrew and then gently hooks his chin over Andrew’s shoulder.

“I’ll do laundry tomorrow,” he promises. “Then you can wear my Foxes hoodie, I know you like that one.”

“It’s big. And soft,” Andrew says, which is an agreement in and of itself.

Neil hums and then presses a soft kiss to Andrew’s neck, not missing Andrew’s telltale shiver. “What are you making?” he mumbles into Andrew’s skin.

“Mulled cider.” 

This makes Neil smile again because it’s another thing about this time of year that he likes, because it’s become somewhat of a private tradition between him and Andrew, free of connotations of anything bad. They don’t really do eggnog, but they do like to curl up on the sofa with a glass or two of mulled cider.

“That sounds perfect,” Neil says, and he pulls away. “I’m gonna go change.”

Andrew latches onto his fingers just as he turns to go. “Wait,” he says. “You forgot something.”

Before Neil can ask what, Andrew is kissing him, and this is what he’s been waiting for. He sinks into it immediately, sliding his fingers through Andrew’s hair, and his one coherent thought is that he wants this every day, every damn day until all of his days are spent.

It used to be a startling thought, but now it’s welcome and grounding and Neil can never get enough.

He runs his hand down Andrews arm and his fingers skim the edge of the jumper sleeve. He feels something, a small button, and he remembers. Neil presses the button.

Lights spark to life on the jumper, intertwined between the adorned gingerbread men, flickering obnoxiously. Andrew stops kissing Neil, steps back, and looks down.

“It lights up,” he says, his tone mildly horrified.

“It lights up,” Neil agrees, valiantly keeping the laugh out of his voice. It’s quite a sight to behold, and Andrew is adorable. Telling him that might not be the wisest idea, however.

“Neil, I will kill you.”

“I really don’t think you will. You’ve kept me around this long,” Neil says with an unrepentant grin. “Must be some reason.”

Andrew shrugs noncommittally. “Must be.”

It’s a flippant comment, offhand, but it almost freezes Neil in his tracks. It’s hard not to think about how close he was – how close they both were – to not being able to have this. But now they do, and they both chose it, and they continue to choose it every day.

“Hey,” Neil says, slinking back into Andrew’s orbit. He leans his forehead against Andrew’s and whispers, “I’m glad you’re here.”

It takes just a tilt of Andrew’s head to press their lips together, and poured into it are the words Andrew doesn’t need to say.

Me too the kiss says.

Me too.