#I had a rough idea and I'd picked a brush out but I'd never done a demo before last weeks reel

[kkmcshouty]

Happy 4th of July to those who celebrate! Honestly I didn't realize that thursday was the 4th until I redid my calendar a few days ago haha, but here, have a pic of Solaris putting on a little performance with his abilities for the holiday!

To be honest I designed this image with a desktop wallpaper in mind, so feel free to use it if you'd like! tbh I'm thinking about maybe doing a phone wallpaper set too, could be fun

As per usual, speedpaint is below the cut!

[rowyn-writes]

Cinnamon and Sugar

Chapter Five

Warnings: Self hate, mentions of abusive ex, mentions of a minor character death, fluff

Characters: Reader, Dean, Michael, Jo

Pairings: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 3.5k

You had been living with Dean for five weeks now, and everything felt surprisingly normal. You both woke up early in the morning for work, so you got to have breakfast together. You liked having someone to talk to before going to work.

It was five in the morning as you and Dean shuffled around the kitchen in a comfortable silence. You had made some eggs and bacon for the both of you while Dean got ready for work. Since Dean passed the coffee shop to get to work, he would drop you off, and in return, you made him coffee to get him ready for the day. 

"Mornin' sweetheart." Dean grumbles as he comes out of his room, yawning. His hair was still tousled from sleep. You chuckle softly at the sight.

"Morning, Dean. Forget to brush your hair?" You snorted. Dean laughs as he smooths down his hair.

"Maybe I was trying out a new style, Y/n, ever think of that?" He sniffed, pretending to be mad.

"Aw, c'mon now, you never change up your routine, so I find that highly unlikely. And besides, you can't be mad at me forever, I made you breakfast." You set his plate down on the table, pouring a glass of orange juice for him.

"I got damn lucky to have you as a roommate." He sighed happily as he ruffles your hair before sitting down at the table, tucking into his breakfast.

"I could say the same." You smile as you eat with him. Storm was still asleep on the window seal. Despite Dean buying a cat bed for him to get into his good graces, the cat refused to actually sleep in the bed. He just sniffed at it before going back to what he was doing.

Once you and Dean were finished with breakfast, he took the plates and put them in the dishwasher, starting a load. You went and grabbed your apron for work before heading out the door with Dean, sliding into his beautiful Impala. "I hope you know that if I actually still drove, I'd totally wanna take Baby for a joyride." You joked.

Dean laughs softly, his eyes crinkling up at the edges. "You're more than welcome to drive her anytime you need, sweetheart. I won't stop you."

"Oh, um, nah." You shook your head gently. "I don't really drive anymore. I um, I got into a really bad car crash about a year ago and I don't really drive anymore because of it." It was the first time you had really talked about the car crash with anyone other than Jo or Jack.

"I'm sorry to hear about that sweetheart. Was everyone alright?" He frowns, looking over at you.

"Oh, um, yeah, I just had a broken arm. . . The other driver was okay too." 

Dean could tell that you wanted to drop the subject. "So, I was thinking, you don't work tomorrow, right? And you're done with exams?"

"Yeah, why?" You tilt your head curiously.

"Well," Dean said as he pulled into the parking lot of Chuck's. "I was thinking that tonight we go to my favorite bar and have some drinks, my treat. They're having karaoke tonight too, and I think it would be a lot of fun."

You mulled it over for a moment. You didn't drink much, but you thought this would be a good chance to get to know Dean a little better and let loose some. "I think that'd be a lot of fun, actually." You give him a gentle smile. 

"Perfect, I get off work tonight at 5. I'll pick you up and take you home on my lunch break, I don't want you walking home alone or anything." Dean gives you a boyish grin, the one that you had come to adore. 

"Thanks, Dean, you have no idea how much I appreciate your kindness." And it was true. Dean was kind to you when it felt like you hit rock bottom. Being evicted from you apartment was rough, and you never expected him to offer his home up to you. Even though you hadn't known Dean long, you trusted him, and it seems that he trusted you. You hated to think about where you'd be without him right now.

"Don't mention it, sweetheart. I'm just glad I could help you out. I've been where you've been before. My life has never been put together in the slightest, and there was a time when I had no place to go. I really could have used some help, and I want to be that person for you." He said softly, looking over at you.

"Well, I know I'm not much, but I'm here, and I can be the support you need. We can help each other." You offer him a gentle smile.

"I like the sound of that, Y/n, thank you." You lean over and give him a quick hug. 

"I'll see you on your lunch break, then. Let me go make your coffee really quick." You went in and unlocked the doors, making Dean a brown sugar latte and grabbed him a scone before bringing it out to him. "Have a good day at work." I reach through the window and ruffle his hair before heading back inside to tackle the day.

Jo was the next person scheduled to come in, and you hoped it was one of those rare days that she was actually on time. You had talked to her many times before about her punctuality, but it never seemed to stick with her. She was your best friend, and you didn't want to have to reprimand her, but it seemed that it was going to have to come to that. Thankfully, she was on time today, and you didn't have to say anything to her.

"Thank god my car started." She said as she walked in, clocking in on the computer. "I was scared she wasn't gonna crank. I really need a new car."

"Well, you're here, that's all that matters. Today's a Wednesday, so I'm expecting it to be a good day for us. This is usually our dead day, so I think it should be okay with just the two of us until eleven when Maddison comes in."

The day went off without a hitch, the customers were nice, it was a slow day, and everything seemed peaceful. That is, until the end of your shift. Dean was on his lunch break and he was waiting for you to clock out so he could take you home. He didn't mind hanging out in the coffee shop, as he found it rather peaceful. The front door dinged, signaling that there was a customer inside. "Hey, welcome to Chuck's! We'll be right w-" You broke off as you stared up at the man in front of you. Michael. You could feel your heart pounding out your chest as he glared down at you. You hadn't seen him in nearly two months, what made him want to come confront you now?

"We need to talk." He said gruffly, crossing his arms over his chest. He was 6'3 and he towered over you. It was something that had always intimidated you, especially when you were together.

"We have nothing to talk about. You need to leave." You tried to make your voice sound strong and determined, but it came out as just a small squeak. You hated the affect he had on you. For years he made you feel small, and even after the break up, he could still make you feel that way.

"Oh we have plenty to talk about, Y/n. Like how one day you just changed the locks to the apartment and had all of my stuff sitting out in the hall?"

"And you're just now wanting to talk about this, huh? You had nearly two months to reach out to me and to talk about this, but you picked now as the prime opportunity? When I'm at work?"

"Oh please," He scoffed. "You can hardly call this a job. Besides, I've been busy with other things." Dean's head perked up at the sound of arguing. He looked over at you and Michael. He could clearly tell you were in distress.

"Michael, just fucking leave. You're not welcomed here. Our relationship is over and there's absolutely nothing for us to talk about. You cheated, you were abusive, you were a shitty ass boyfriend. What else do you want me to say? I've listed a billion reasons as to why we broke up and you still can't accept that."

"Don't speak to me like that." He grabbed your wrist. "I guess I better teach you some manners." You try to pull away from his grasp. Before you could even shout for help, a fist connected with Michael's jaw. 

Dean looked pissed as he grabbed Michael by the shirt, slamming him against the wall. "What kind of pathetic coward lays hands on a woman?" He growled as he punched him again. "Come near Y/n ever again, and I swear to God himself, there will not be anything stopping me from beating you within an inch of your sad life. Got it?!"

You had never seen Dean so angry before, let alone get physical with someone. "And what's it to you, huh?! Why the hell do you care for some whore so much? Oh, I get it, you're fucking her, huh?" Michael laughed, throwing his head back.

Dean said nothing in return as he punched him once more before throwing him out to door. "Don't ever come near her again." Dean snarled before going to check on you. "Are you alright? He didn't hurt you, did he? I swear to God-"

"Dean. . ." You hugged him tightly. "I'm okay, he didn't hurt me. . . Thank you for sticking up for me." You whisper, tears in your eyes. Maddison and Jo watched as Dean wrapped his arms around you protectively. 

"No one's going to hurt my best girl on my watch, I promise you that." He said lowly, gently rubbing your back. "I'm guessing he's your ex boyfriend?"

"Yeah, he is. . . I thought I was finally free of him, but he keeps popping back up like an infectious disease." You were holding back tears, not wanting to cry in front of Dean.

"C'mon sweetheart, let's get out of here." He wrapped his arm around you and led you out to his car. "Do you need me to stay with you? I can tell Bobby something came up." 

You shook your head gently. "No, that's okay. . . I don't want to impose. I'll be okay until you get off work tonight. . . Honestly, I don't even what to think about what just happened. And it doesn't even surprise me that he came here. I guess I was just hoping he'd forget about me." You ramble on, looking at your hands.

"You wouldn't be imposing, sugar." He said, his voice soft and gentle. "If you need me, I'm here, okay? There's not much goin' on at the shop today, so Bobby can afford to be on his own for the rest of the day."

You felt tears brim your eyes as you kept looking at your hands, refusing to look Dean in the eye. "I-I could use some company. . . If t-that's okay." You whispered quietly. Dean tilts your head up gently with his finger so you would look at him.

"I'll stay with you as long as you need, darlin'." He then surprised you by kissing your head. He was so caring and gentle with you, which was something you weren't used to. He drove back to the house, letting you pick the music for the drive. Once you got back, he called Bobby and explained the situation before following you inside. He grabbed some blankets and popped some popcorn. "So, what movie should we watch? Comedy, rom-com, action?" 

"You really don't have to do this for me, Dean. . ." You felt like a burden. You made Dean call out of work just so he could sit here and watch a movie with you. You were an awful friend and roommate.

"You're right, I don't have to, but I want to. . . You're my best friend, Y/n, I want to make sure that you're okay. You've had a stressful day, and you need to unwind a bit. Plus, work was slow, wasn't much for me to do. I'd much rather sit here with my favorite girl and cheer her up." He sits down beside you, draping his arm on the back of the couch. 

You leaned into his side, resting your head on his shoulder as you let the tears flow. "I-I just want to be rid of him. He never let's me have any peace."

"Shh," Dean whispered softly, running his fingers through your hair. "I'm here sweetheart. . . He won't hurt you as long as I'm around, okay?" He kissed your head again, making you feel comfort. Storm jumped up on the couch, settling himself in your lap, purring softly. "See, darlin'? Even Storm's here to help you." That made the tears stream down your face harder. It felt like you couldn't breathe. Everything that you had held in from the break up came bursting out all at once, despite your attempts at pushing it down. Dean held you in his arms as you cried. "Breathe, Y/n, I need you to breathe for me, okay?" He murmured gently. You tried to breathe, but it just came out as choked sobs. Your body was shaking as you cried. Dean let you know that he was here, and that you were safe. You knew he was right. Being in his arms was the safest place for you. You knew that Dean would never hurt you, and that he would do everything in his power to protect you. 

Once you had calmed down, you found your voice. "Thank you for being here." Your voice was raw and hoarse from crying. Dean didn't mention it, he just smiled softly, kissing your temple.

"Of course, sweetheart. What are friends for?" He continued to run his fingers through your hair, as he could tell that's what was keeping you grounded. "We don't have to go out tonight, we can go some other time, I'm sure that you're tired after the day you've had."

You thought it over for a moment. "Actually, I think I still want to go out tonight. . . I just need to feel normal, and show that what he did doesn't get to me." You state confidently.

Dean grins at your confidence. "That's my girl." He let you get ready for your night out with him. You picked a pair faded ripped jeans from your draw, a black blouse, and a black leather jacket. You combed through your hair, trying to find a style you liked, eventually settling on having it braided. You came out of your room with a smile. Dean let out a low whistle as he saw you.

"You clean up nicely, darlin'." He grins. He was wearing a green flannel over a black shirt that fit him nicely and a pair of faded blue jeans. You couldn't help but smile at the compliment. 

"Thanks, De. Shall we get going?" You grab you wallet as Dean grabs his keys.

"Let's go." He smiles, resting a hand on the small of your back as he leads you out the door. You were very aware of his hand against your back. But you shouldn't be thinking about that. Dean was your friend and roommate. You couldn't risk anything. You slid into the Impala as Dean going into the drivers seat. You grinned as the car roared to life. The car was absolutely gorgeous, and you'd love to have an old car like this. That is, if you still drove. Past pains rear its ugly head into your thoughts, making you think of things you wish you could forget. You push it aside. Tonight was about having fun with your best friend.

You showed the bouncer your ID and you were let into the bar with Dean. It was packed since it was karaoke night. You and Dean slid up to the bar, you ordered your favorite drink and Dean got a whiskey and coke. "So, ya thinking about gettin' up there and singing?" Dean smirked as he looked to you.

"Me? Nah, I can't really sing." You shrugged.

"One, that's bullshit. I hear you singing in the shower all the time and you sound amazing. And two, no one who sings karaoke can sing. I'll do it with you if you sing." He offered you up a smile. You could never resist that boyish smile he had.

"I hate you, I hope you know that." Despite your words, you couldn't help the smile that spread across your face.

"Say what you want sweetheart. But hey, you get to pick the song and I can't complain."

"Oh really?" You smirked. "So if I picked a Taylor Swift song, you wouldn't say anything?"

"Hey, I can get down with TSwizzle, okay?" Dean held up his hands in defense. You couldn't help the laughter that racked through your body. 

"You did not just say TSwizzle-" You continued to laugh, Dean joining in.

"All I'm sayin' is that you can pick whatever song you like."

You went up to the karaoke machine, scrolling through until you found the perfect duet for you two. I Remember Everything by Zach Bryan and Kacey Musgraves. "We're up next." You grin as you pull Dean towards the stage. Dean followed you up on stage, grabbing the mic. "Ready?" Dean nods as the song starts. Despite having never heard the song, he did it justice. You never knew Dean could sing. When you sang your parts together, Dean smiled over at you, his eyes gleaming. Once the song was over, he helped you down from the stage.

"Y/n, you were amazing! I knew you had a good voice, but damn, that was beautiful." He praised you, gently patting your shoulder.

"Me? Dean, I had no idea you could sing like that. You were fantastic!" You gently punch his shoulder.

Dean chuckled softly, rubbing the back of his neck as the tip of his ears turn pink. "Thank you, sweetheart, I appreciate it." He grinned.

"Aaand I think that some of the girls over there found your singing attractive." You chuckled as you looked over to a group of girls that were eyeballing Dean. "You should go talk to them!" You encouraged.

"Nah," He shook his head. "This night is about you and me, and celebrating our friendship." He gave you a smile. You couldn't help the small butterflies you felt in your stomach. Instead of going off with a girl, he wanted to spend time with you. But at the same time, you felt bad, because you felt like you were keeping him from having a fun time.

You felt like screaming at yourself, because you always did this. Every time there was something good going in your life, you found a way to get in your head and overthink things. You wished you could turn those voices in your head off. Sometimes those voices got particularly loud, especially in times like these. You tried to push them away and have a good time with Dean, but you couldn't help it.

"You okay, Y/n? You got really quiet all of a sudden." Dean said softly. Damnit, he knew you too well.

"Oh, yeah, it's um, it's just been a long day, y'know?" You cleared your throat, looking up at him.

"We can head home if you'd like?" He suggested, tilting his head to the side.

"No no, I'd hate to be a bother. You look like you're having so much fun, and I don't want to ruin that." You spoke softly.

"Sweetheart, if you're tired or you just don't feel up to being here anymore, you can tell me. I won't be upset. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or feel like you have to stay for my sake. Besides, I don't care where we are, as long as we're together, I'm happy to spend time with you."

You gave him a soft smile. "I just don't think I'm in the right headspace right now." You sighed. "It's just been a long day with a lot going on. . . I promise to make it up to you."

"Don't worry about it, Y/n, we can just spend some time together and watch a movie if you'd like?"

"I'd really like that, De. . . Thank you." You whispered gently. Dean ruffled your hair and went to pay for the tab. You rode home in a comfortable silence as Dean hummed along to the radio. You were stuck in your own head again, per usual. You were leaned against the window, feeling the cool glass on your cheek.

"Are you sure everything's alright, sweetheart?" He asked, looking over to you. "You've been awfully quiet."

"I dunno, I'm just really struggling mentally today. After everything that happened this afternoon, I just feel so. . . empty?"

"I get it darlin'. What do you need? Do you need some time by yourself, or do you wanna curl up on the couch with me and watch some Dr. Sexy MD?" He questioned, his voice gentle.

"I think that spending some time with you could help. . ." You couldn't help but smile. You felt safe with Dean, and even though you were having a tough time, you knew that everything was going to be okay as long as you were with him.

[pradaxstyles]

congratulations! you got your own lemon drop nonnie!!! reader (or OC) is traveling with/is friends with/is in a relationship with Ellie, and after a particularly rough night, reader basically asks ellie about her nightmares and says "You mumble in your sleep." idk how you would want to write this but i'd like to see it!! (i might send an idea for joel your way) -🍋

Oh my gosh hi my little lemon drop nonnie 😭 I've never had an emoji anon I'm so excited. Im sososo glad you requested something! Seeing this made my entire day!! It's been a few years since I've written anything, so I really hope you enjoy it!

As always, please come chat or leave some feedback!! I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts!! 💐🫶🏻✨

No Words Left Unsaid

Pairing --> Ellie Williams x Fem reader

Warnings --> Anxiety symptoms, Joel is dead (I'm sorry 😭) no explicit details of death, just mentioned. Ellie is a fragile mess. How I imagine Ellie to be if she had someone to go to (besides Dina) ab what happened to Joel. Briefly proofread, if I missed anything, please let me know!

Word count --> 1.6k

Alexa's notes✨ --> I hope this was okay!! I had an idea and quite literally ran with it. I'm always open for constructive criticism (please be nice about it)!! Love yall xoxo

You knew Ellie well enough that when she put her mind to something, it was going to get done. Regardless if she got herself killed while doing it, it would be the last thing she did.

What you didn't know, is where you stood with the short haired girl. Stolen glances, hands brushing against each other, soft smiles from across the room, the force that was Ellie made your cheeks burn like nothing else.

A heavy, repeated pounding came from your door late one night. Jolting awake, you rubbed the grogginess from your eyes and glanced at the clock, 3:47am. A chill ran down your spine, the winter air nipping at your skin.

The pounding came again, this time a little more urgent. Reaching for a blanket from the couch, you headed to the door.

Curiosity pricked at your fingertips, pulling the handle and revealing a crack of the person who woke you up.

Eyes widening, you whispered, "Ellie?"

You opened the door wider to get a better look at her. She was pacing, the prints of her boots having muddled together in the once pristine snow. Her hair wasn't in its usual bun, but rather messily laid around her head. You could tell she had been running her fingers through it as one hand remained nestled in her hair, pulling at the roots. She was mumbling things under her breath that you couldn't quite catch.

Releasing the handle, you walked down the small steps of your porch to where Ellie was still pacing. Laying a soft hand on her sweater clad shoulder, you said her name again.

She jumped and pulled herself out of your grasp. Finally able to get a good look at her face, you frowned.

Her eyes were puffy and red, cheeks a deep scarlet that concealed her freckles, her lips dry and cracked from picking at the skin there. A haunted look had made a home on her once cheeky demeanor.

She opened her mouth, willing words to form, but nothing came.

Taking a small step forward, you reached a hand out for her. "Ellie?" you questioned again, "What's going on? Are you okay?"

She met your hand and grasped it tightly. Her clammy hands a deep contrast from the cold air that surrounded the both of you. Ellie's eyes glossy eyes met yours and she squeezed your hand again. Ragged breaths clawed themselves from her lungs, her other hand landing on her chest.

Panic crept its way through your veins at the sight of the girl in front of you. Reaching for her other hand, you led her inside.

"Els, I need you to sit down okay? I'm gonna get you some water."

Ellie gave a weak nod before sitting on the edge of the couch. She took a deep inhale, the soft scents of your lavender and chamomile lotion bringing her a sense of comfort. You wrapped the blankets tightly around her shoulders before heading into the small kitchen. Faint sounds of hiccuped breaths and sniffling could be heard over the trickling of the water. A small sigh left your lips as you turned the water off, trying to compose yourself.

She had moved so her back was pressed into the couch and the blanket a cocoon around her body. Wanting to give Ellie some space, you sat on the opposite side.

Extending the glass towards her, "Here El, drink some of this, small sips. It'll make you feel better," you gently coaxed.

She accepted the water gingerly and took a sip before setting it on the small table in front of her.

"What happened, Ellie? Talk to me," soft words fell from your lips. A look of concern still etched into your features. You debated moving any closer before Ellie scooted herself so she was facing you.

Ellie took a shaky breath, "Joel-" and squeezed her eyes shut.

Your blood ran cold at the mention of his name. Joel had been a blessing to you and Jackson, someone everyone could count on. As much as you wanted to know what happened, you could tell Ellie was in no shape to discuss the events that occurred. You had an inkling, but didn't want to push it.

Tentatively, you tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and laid your palm against her cheek. She leaned into your touch before opening her eyes again. "We don't have to talk about it tonight if you don't want to, angel. We can just go to sleep and deal with it in the morning," you offered.

A look of absolute defeat painted her features and it killed you inside. You could see her weigh the options before softly nodding her head. Ellie felt the exhaustion of the day settling heavy in her bones.

You stood and collected Ellie into your arms, holding her there for a moment. A shuddered breath hit your shoulder before you felt Ellie wrap her arms around your waist and hold you tightly. You took a few deep breaths and rubbed small circles into her back.

She pulled back slightly and gave a weak smile. Smiling back, you offered, "Let me get you some warm clothes for tonight, hm? And then we'll go to bed."

You took Ellie's hand and led her to the bathroom and left her to change. The door clicked shut behind her and you let a deep breath fall from your lips.

Sliding back under the warm blankets, you sat against the headboard and closed your eyes, waiting for Ellie. The sound of the door opening and Ellie's soft footsteps had you perking up.

"It'll be okay, Els. We'll take care of it, I promise." You held your arms open for her and she all but collapsed into your warm embrace. Laying her head against your chest, she entangled her legs with yours as you pulled the blanket up to cover her back.

Pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head, you mumbled "I'm here, bug and I'm not going anywhere."

Ellie gave a small nod, "Thank you."

You hummed in response and held her tightly against your body as if to shield her from every damn thing that had hurt her.

The sun's warm light began peaking in way faster than you wanted.

Ellie was fast asleep, cuddled into your chest. You hadn't moved in fear of waking the girl up, so you stayed in that same position all night. Rubbing random patterns onto her back, brushing your fingers through her hair, and consoling her when she seemed to be having a nightmare.

She's mumbled incoherent sentences since she fell asleep. You weren't sure if you should've woken her up, but as soon as you whispered "You're okay," "You're safe," she stopped.

You wished you could take the pain away. Ellie hadn't told you everything since she and Joel had arrived in Jackson, but she told you enough. They'd been through hell together, and you couldn't imagine what plagued her while she slept.

Ellie began to stir slightly, a groan falling from her lips. She tensed, not remembering where she was. "Wha-"

"You're okay Els, you're with me," you reassured her. Glancing down at her, a confused look melded on her features. "Do you remember coming over here last night?" The question felt sour on your tongue, remembering the broken state Ellie was in mere hours before.

She nodded slowly and began to pull from your arms. "I'm so sorry for showing up like that, I didn't know what else to do," she started. "I got back and Tommy told me to go home but I just couldn't, how could I just-"

You could tell she was getting upset all over again. Her breathing was starting to get erratic and in an effort to calm her racing thoughts, you placed a hand on her cheek.

"Els, it's okay. You're okay, you know you can come over anytime you need to. I'm always here for you," you reassured her. Ellie's eyes frantically searched your face for any doubt, but she found none.

She nodded slightly and laid down next to your sitting frame, eyes glued to the ceiling. Glancing up to see what she was looking at, "You mumble in your sleep," you acknowledged hesitantly.

Ellie winced ever so slightly and looked over at you. Tearing your gaze from the pale ceiling, you met her eyes. "What did I say?"

"It wasn't full sentences or anything, just some mumbled words and sounds," you started. "I'm not upset or anything, I just didn't know if yo-"

"I have nightmares," Ellie whispered softly, keeping her eyes on you, "Sometimes they change, and sometimes it's the same thing every fucking night."

You moved to lay down next to Ellie, willing her to continue. She took your hand and brought it to lay against her chest. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "Most of the time it involves Joel and what we went through a few years ago. There was a few times we both should have died, and we didn't."

Reaching with your intertwined fingers, you thumbed a small tear from her cheek, and pushed some loose hairs back. Ellie watched your roaming eyes and how they looked so full of love. Everything she noticed was calculated yet soft, deliberate showings of affection. Your eyes fell back to hers and Ellie's cheeks warmed slightly. You nodded slightly, urging her to continue if she wished.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm forever thankful we didn't die during those times, but now all I see is him dead. I see it when I'm awake, I see it when I'm asleep. I can't get away from it. I can't lose another person again, I can't lose you. I'm not ready to lose you yet."

Ellie had never laid her cards out like this before, let alone told anyone what plagued her at night. You held her gaze the entire time, hanging on to every word she said. Ellie was so thankful for you in that moment. She was always thankful for you, but in this moment, maybe just a little more.

"You're not going to lose me, Els. It's us against the goddamn world. That I promise you."

[just-here-for-the-moment]

Congrats on the followers my friend!! You deserve all of them and many more!

I'd like to request a little something with Javier Peña, with the prompt "I can't stop thinking about you" (from dialogue prompts to make readers swoon). I'll let you decide how sweet or spicy it is, just however it strikes you. 😘

Thank you, and congrats again!!

Oh my gosh, JEN!!!! I love you so much! I hope you enjoy this slow-burn, sprinkling-of-angst-with a happy ending!

Here is a sweet "confessional" story for Javier x female DEA agent under the cut!!

The bar was half-empty, or half-full, you weren’t quite sure. And maybe it didn’t matter anyway, since you only had eyes for the man with the mustache across the table from you. He stubbed out his 5th (or was it 6th?) cigarette of the night into the amber glass ashtray on the table. You watched him purse those perfect lips and blow the stream of smoke up and away from the booth. His coffee-brown eyes came back to yours, the depths of them muted in the blue neon lights. You stared just a beat too long, and then blinked.

You shifted your attention to the table and stirred the last of your drink with your straw, watching the half-melted ice swirl in a lazy circle. Maybe tonight you would tell him how you felt. You lifted your eyes just in time to see Javier turn his head away from you to watch a very attractive woman walk by. He followed her with his eyes until she was out the front door.

Maybe not.

Javier turned back to you and waved over your head at the waitress for another round.

“You really want to stay?” You couldn’t hide the little bladed edge of irritation in your voice. Whether you stayed at the bar or not, you didn’t want to be around Javier any longer than you had to. You saw enough of him at work, and you weren’t interested in being his ‘pity date’ on a Friday night just because Steve couldn’t make it out for drinks.

Javier frowned at you, “I thought we were supposed to be celebrating tonight, amiga. Big win with the arrest warrant this week, remember? Why are you so cranky?”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, and then rubbed your tired eyes. “It’s been a long week, and I just don’t feel very festive tonight. Okay?”

The waitress brought your drinks and Javier tossed a few bills on her tray. You picked up your third drink (fourth?) and watched Javier watch the waitress walk away. You downed your drink in record time and stood. “Right, I’m going home.”

“Already? We just got here.”

You snapped, “No, you just got here, I’ve been here all night, watching you watch other women. Not as much fun for me as it was for you. I’m done.”

You made for the ladies room and peed, then sat there for an extra two minutes, hoping that Javi would be gone by the time you got back out. You only got up when another woman needed the stall. You washed your hands as slowly as you dared, then dried them carefully and reapplied your lip balm at a snail’s pace. The face in the mirror looking back at you was your own, just sadder and more tired than you had seen her in a while.

When you finally emerged, Javier was right there waiting for you. He was leaning back against the wall opposite the ladies room, arms crossed over his chest, legs crossed at the ankle. Anyone who didn’t know him well would have thought he looked casual. You knew he was pissed off. The moment you swung the ladies room door open and stepped out, his dark eyes were on yours. It took your breath away, just for a moment, but that was long enough for him to unfold himself and take your upper arm in his strong grip.

“I’ll make sure you get home safe. I can’t let you travel home this late by yourself, Agent.” Agent. Fuck, he really was pissed.

You didn’t argue, partly because you knew he was in that mood, and partly because of the sensation of his hand, large and warm, wrapped firmly around your arm just above your elbow. It wasn’t painful, but something about feeling how strong his hands were, how he gripped you sent your mind running to the same places it had been running to for months.

Javier propelled you out of the bar to his car, opening the front passenger side door and standing like a sentry until you were tucked in and belted, then he closed the door with a pop. Neither one of you spoke until he parked the car on the ground floor of the garage at the DEA apartment block. Your apartment was just down the hall from Steve and Connie, two floors up from Javier. It was cozy, mostly. Nice to have neighbors who you already knew. Not nice when someone had a crush on someone else and couldn’t avoid them.

Javier turned the engine off and broke the silence first, “I’ll walk you to your door.”

You bit your lips together and nodded, sucking in a deep breath through your nose. Bad idea. The smell of Javier settled deep in your sinuses and stayed there: his cologne and cigarettes and the breath mint he was chewing, and something uniquely him, all of them mixing and intensified in the still air of the car. You blew the long breath out through your mouth and it took most of your hurt feelings with it.

You turned to him but you both spoke at the same time and chaos reigned for a moment.

“Why didn’t you want me looking at-”

“I’m sorry, Javi, I shouldn’t have-”

“No, you go first-”

“No, you can- Wait, what?”

Normally you would have laughed together and cleared the air, one of you deferring to the other to speak first. This time there was something tense. You had been on the verge of apologizing for snapping at him, a means of smoothing things over while sweeping your own discomfort under the rug. You’d hoped that if you could apologize for being sharp, you could get back to ‘normal’ and just be work partners. Like how it was before your heart got in the way. You thought maybe if you just did that enough, buried everything deeply enough, Javier would never guess how you felt.

And if Javier had been any other man, that might have worked. But he wasn’t the type to feign shyness to help ease your own shyness. Another man might have chuckled and looked away from you, played with his hands on the steering wheel to pass a few awkward seconds. Javier used those deep brown eyes to pierce your defenses and asked you the direct question you had been dreading since your outburst at the bar.

“Why didn’t you want me to look at other women?”

You paused, keeping your breathing even. You blinked a few times but you didn’t look away.

“I don’t care. Look at whoever you want. It’s none of my business.” A lie. And he knew it. And worse yet, you knew that he knew it.

“No amiga, you do care. Or at least you did half an hour ago.” You hated how intense he could be, so calm on the outside while he drew secrets out of panicked people via interrogation. “What is it that you don’t want me to know? What are you not telling me?”

“Nothing.” You put a hard backing to your next words. “Drop it.”

You turned and opened your door, not waiting for Javier to follow as you speed-walked from his car across the parking garage. You slammed through the door to the lobby and took the stairs two at a time to your floor, telling yourself it was necessary exercise, part of staying in shape for foot chases… not avoidance, not the fear of facing Javier and telling him your embarrassing truth. You heard his footsteps land a moment behind yours, and you didn’t bother holding the stairwell door for him. He caught it on the backswing and was just a step behind you as you approached your door.

“I can get inside from here just fine. Good night.” You spoke your words to the keys in your hand, to your doormat, anywhere but to him.

He reached a hand out to hold your wrist, and it was the most gentle touch he had ever laid on you. It matched his low murmur of, “Hey. Wait…”

You turned to face him, and you opened your mouth to repeat the lies, the denials, to try to say something that would brush over tonight’s embarrassment with a clean sweep and let you face yourself and him in the morning. But the look on his face, the way his eyes were soft instead of probing, the whisper of his touch on your wrist when normally he was rough with his high fives and his handshakes… suddenly your voice didn’t work.

Javier looked at you the way that you had hoped for months that he would look at you, but it wasn’t how you wanted this to go. This painful reveal of innermost secrets and feelings. You wanted him to want you, to be bowled over by you, not to pity you or treat you like an idiot. But still, that look on his face, it struck something deep within you and you decided that you would take that look however you could get it.

You opened your mouth to speak and so did Javier, but this time instead of speaking at cross purposes, instead of a jumble of words tumbling into each other, you both said the exact same thing...

“I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Heat rose in your face at your own admission, at your absolute sureness that he would peel away from you, be upset at you for feeling too much, but the minute you realized his own words had matched yours, you felt the heat in your face ebb away, and before you could process it, before you could think, Javier mumbled a quick, “Fuck it,” and then his hand was on your waist and you were being pulled into his arms and you just went limp and let him kiss you.

The instant his second kiss landed, your brain came back to life and you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him as deeply as you could, not breaking off even when your next-door neighbor’s apartment door opened, not when it closed again with a soft bang, and not until you felt Javier’s erection grazing your hip.

You finally broke the kiss, breathing out a high-pitched, “Inside?”

Javier grabbed you firmly around the waist and pulled you tighter. “Inside.” His voice was nearly a growl, and you felt your panties get hot and wet.

You took Javier inside your apartment, slamming the door behind you. And you finally confessed everything, with your lips and your body and your legs wrapped around him until the small hours of the morning.

[babygirlkiki1016]

Masterlist

Chapter 9: Love Vs Rage

Chapter 10: A lovely Bond

My hand clasped over my mouth at the words I had spoken, I didn't mean for it to come out. It was as if on instinct, but Thorin didn't seem to mind, he didn't take his eyes off me. And for the first time since the beginning of this trip, I saw love and adoration in those ocean blue orbs. His cheeks turned light pink at my comment, slowly he stood his chest almost against mine.

"You love me?" He muttered, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. "How can you love me amralime?" It was him, the same rough voice from earlier, he is the one who called me that.

"I don't know, but when I'm around you, your who my heart belongs to. It's why I left because I thought my feelings were getting in the way. I thought love was getting in the way but it was rage, I can't blame you no matter how much I want to. And I admire your bravery and courage, but throughout this quest, each piece of my heart had attached itself to you. Maybe it was your leadership or your kind words, or maybe it was something entirely different but I'm positive about one thing Myis Ravos (My raven), I love you. And...I forgive you." Tears rolled down his cheeks as he held in a sob the best he could but failed. His strong arms wrapped around me and he nuzzled his face into my neck.

"I love you too...Promise you won't leave again, promise me that we'll stay together no matter how hard this journey gets. Cause losing you just for a few hours broke me, I didn't want to move. I didn't want to do anything without you by my side." My hands slid up his back, but before I could enjoy the warm hug from him I felt his wound.

"I will if you promise to let me treat your injuries." He chucked but groaned as it hurt his chest, I helped him sit back down. The rag in my hand ran over his skin again, wiping away the blood and dirt from the surface. "Promise me you won't be so reckless, I don't know what I would do if I lost you." He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles lightly.

"Same goes for you." I couldn't help but smile, I didn't feel angry anymore. I felt loved and happy, I haven't felt like this in a long time. I kept cleaning the blood off, and when I was finished I took a step back to see if I missed anything.

"Alright, get into the bath I'll bring some lathers." As he begins to undress I rummaged through the basket of pink and purple bars, none was a manly type of smell but I highly doubt he would mind. "I have lavender, and cherry but beware both will make you smell like a woman." He laughed and turned around in the pool, the ends of his hair were now wet. I had this weird feeling to get in there with him, my legs rubbed together in excitement. Quickly I dismissed the thought and handed him the soaps but before I turned away he clutched my arm.

"Join me, for I am not able to flex my body like I'm used to. I believe I acquire assistance, I might just miss a spot." His fingers reach to the hem of my shirt, slowly undoing the ribbon tying it together.

"You've been bathing yourself for many years Thorin, I think you can handle this on your own." I didn't stop him from sliding my shirt down my shoulders, nor when he started to undo my bindings.

"I won't look if that's what you worried about, I trust my men but they sometimes can't help but let their eyes wander. I don't want them to see you bare." His touch leaves me, and he looks away so I'd be more open to the idea of joining him. He did have a point, I care for these dwarves but sometimes urges can take over. I shed the rest of my clothes, letting them join his that remained on the stone. He tensed up for a second as he felt the water move, he knew I was in now. "Lavender?" He held out the bar of soap, which I gladly took from him. His breathing became more rapid, he was nervous for I was too close.

"Nervous my king?" I said sarcastically as I ran the soap over his back, he leaned into my touch like it was heavenly.

"A little, I've never been in the presence of such a beautiful woman." He glanced back at me for a moment before turning forward again, he really wanted to look. "The things I said before, I didn't mean them, I meant something entirely different. At first, I was just being rude, but over time I fell for you. When I called you weak and a burden, I wanted you to go home for I do not wish to see you hurt. And when I called you a whore, it was because I was jealous of the stares the rest were giving you." Elrond was right, this entire time he loved me, but what about what he said at the bridge? Is this all just a plan to make me help him?

"And what about the bridge, when you were talking to Dwalin?"

"I knew you heard, at the moment I was trying to push you away. I too was afraid of what my feelings would bring, but when I noticed the rest started to be protective of you I realized they had accepted you as one of their own. I truly do love you, Uslukhuê kurdu, (Dragon of my heart). And I do not wish to push away my feelings any longer. If I may ask, will you let me court you?" I smiled at his offer, now that I think about it he was the one who courted me. The one who gave me more food in my bowl than the others.

"I believe you've already had, but I accept your offer Thorin." He sighed in relief, but something else remained on his mind.

"May I turn around? There is something I wish to do." I hummed in response and slowly he faced me, he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips which I returned. "You are mine amralime, and no one can take you from me."

~♪♠♪~

After we cleaned up, I made sure that Thorin had a new pair of clothes that was stowed away in one of the chests after I bandaged his torso. The rest took their pick of the pile, and what surprised me was that they enjoyed the design upon the cloth.

"Y/n," Thorin called with a brush and a small silver bead in hand. He sat down next to me on a stool with his legs spread apart. Without another word, I sat between them, and he began to brush my hair softly. "This is the reason we dwarves keep our hair long, so our lover can braid it. It's a symbol showing that we're taken, and I'm glad I get to share it with you. What about you? What are your counting rituals?"

"We don't have much, it's normal human ways of courting. Gifting each other with flowers and chocolates, the only different thing is the wedding. When two of my kin want to marry, they need to get permission from either the King or Queen. We may have a huge kingdom but we treat it like a small town. If they receive permission then a wedding is planned, the entire kingdom will be there to see it. You'll have your party where you mingle with guests before you do the private ceremony of the night." He brushed my hair back towards him while running his fingers through it, I leaned back slightly enjoying the sensation.

"What is the private ceremony?"

"The private ceremony seems like nonsense, but it's very important. If the two wish to go through with it, they will have a bowl of paint infused with the blood of a royal. You need the blood of a royal to make it work, but each one will paint its markings on the other. It's a private ceremony because both of the two are going to be bare when this happens, after the painting is in place they will make a promise and the paint is now infused with their skin." Setting down the brush he grabbed a lock of my hair and started to braid it, he seemed focused like it was a masterpiece.

"What happens if they break that promise?"

"It depends on the situation, if one chooses to break their promise on purpose, the one who broke the promise is not allowed to marry again. For the marking burns into their skin, that way each digonisk knows that they are not to be intimate with anyone ever again. The other who remained faithful are allowed to remarry, for the symbols will disappear. However if one breaks it by accident, say a life or death situation and it is proven to be true there is a spell that the royal can cast to remove them." I looked up at him for a second, a smirk on my face as he looks down at me in slight horror.

"Still wish for me to be yours?" That look of fear was wiped off instantly, he kissed my forehead and tilted my head back up so he could finish his braid.

"That is one way to keep someone loyal, maybe my kin should have something like that. Although yes, I wish to still be with you, until death does us part." He holds out the braid he finished. "Hold it for me." I carefully grabbed the end with my fingers as he goes to braid another lock on the other side.

"What kind of braid is this?"

"Well you have to defeat Smaug, so this braid will help you keep your hair out of your face."

"Is it true that once your hair is braided you can never take it out again?"

"Only your other can take it out and fix it, if you do it yourself it shows you do not care about the courtship. Which once I'm done, you will braid my hair as the process states."

"And I can braid it in any way I want?" A mischievous smile came across my features, which he chuckled for he knew what I was doing.

"Anyway, you want." He grabs the braid that rested between my fingers and intertwined the two together.

"Interesting, perhaps I'll braid it in front of your face to give you a longer beard."

"If I die because of my inability to see I blame you." He clipped my hair with the bead and kissed my temple while wrapping his arms around me. "Who knew you were such a prankster, I think my nephews are a bad influence for you."

"Oh please you haven't seen anything yet, back in the kingdom of Larthas I was constantly scolded by my parents for always leaving presents for the maids. One time, I put a bucket of mud on the top of her door, and let's just say she wasn't happy. It took her hours to get the mud out of her hair." He laughed as we switched places, his hand stroked my leg gently. I summoned an ethereal bead making it into a solid object, on it there lied a dragon symbol.

"So what braid are you thinking of?" I wanted it to be special, something that showed it could only be made by me.

"Choose a color."

"Red (Or whatever color you prefer)." I conjured a red ribbon and began to braid his hair. (I'll leave that up to you guys, but I would do something like this.)

Everyone's jaws dropped at my handiwork, especially Thorin, the moment he got up and looked in the mirror his heart stopped.

"How on earth did you manage to do that?" His eyes lit up with excitement but I could feel the jealousy radiating off of him. He traced the design, he almost couldn't stop staring at it. "Never mind that, come back over here I'll show what I can really do with that h/c hair of yours."

@fili-is-my-lover @kirenia15 @lunariasilver @depressedchilipepper @tschrist1 @ayamenimthiriel

[penwieldingdreamer]

Secret Santa 🎄🎅❄️ Teddy's Wish (John Wick x reader)

So this took me six days to get it right. I, too, was part of the Secret Santa list and my secret Santa was @fanficsrusz 🤗😘 I had too many ideas but nothing seemed write and because I haven't done many written projects for a while - especially those with Keanu or his characters I decided to give you this, I hope you will like it hun❤️❤️❤️

Merry Christmas and loads of love, hun.

"Mommy?" the small voice sounded from the bed when you tucked them in, softly brushing your hand over their head.

"What is it, buddy?" It was already past your son's bedtime and usually he came up with different things he needed just to stay awake a bit longer.

Smiling, he held onto the stuffed teddy bear he had gotten from a good family friend that had been more like a father than his actual one. "Can Santa make every wish come true?"

"Oh, well, that's a good question, buddy." you answered, tapping your chin as you thought about the right words to answer his inquiry. "I mean, if Santa didn't make them come true you wouldn't get all the things you write on your list each year."

Teddy shot you a 'well duh' look before he shook his little head. "I know that, but this year I had a different list which I sent off by myself with Granny. No one knows what's on there, just Santa."

"Oh, well, I think if you hold on tight to that wish and don't tell anyone but Santa then it will come true." you said, giving him one last kiss before you got up from the bed.

He was such a sweet kid and to you he deserved everything you could give him, although I had a hunch as to what the wish would be. Ever since he started kindergarten and was mocked for just having a mom and no dad he wanted to have a real father. One that would play games with him and take him on trips to the park or just be there to tuck him in. Heaving a deep sigh you closed the door and made your way to your living room, putting the presents under the tree so you could tell Teddy Santa had been by to drop them off.

The next morning found you early as your neighbor brought over the present he bought for your son.

"John." you greeted him smiling holding out a cup of coffee for the dark haired man. "You sure you want to face him so early on?"

Chuckling he took a sip from the hot beverage. "If I wasn't sure I wouldn't have come, besides, Teddy isn't the only one I'd like to give a present to."

"What's that about?" you asked, moving to the kitchen and leaning against the counter, watching him as he stood across from you. You couldn't deny the attraction you felt ever since he moved in next door and helped you out, even though you didn't ask for it. John was always there, no matter what it was. "Are you flirting with me?"

Shrugging his shoulder the dark haired male watched you over the brim of his cup. "And if I was?" He swiftly joined your side and laid his hand on your cheek. "You have no idea how often I wanted to do that." he whispered, his voice sounded raspy and dark, his fingertips soft, yet rough on your skin.

Your eyes widened at his confession. There was next to nothing you knew about John Wick, just that he had moved to your small town an hour outside of New York after his wife died and was always seeking your son and you out. "I-I don't…your wife just died and you…have you had enough rest?"

"Oh I had plenty of rest to think it all through. The last few days you've been constantly on my mind and ever since I moved here I hoped you'd show a bit more interest in me but now I know that it will have to be me showing you my interest in you." John smirked, his fingers clasping your neck and pulling you closer to him. Before you could react his lips descended on yours, effectively sealing them together.

A quiet moan left you when you felt his other arm circle your waist, pushing your hips into his own. The last months you had always thought John would never be attracted to you. Who wanted a single mother and her son tagging along? Definitely not him.

But you seemed to be wrong. Judging by the heated look in his eyes when he broke the kiss. "W-What is this?"

"This is me showing you that I have feelings for you." he chuckled.

Your nails lightly scratched along his bearded chin, enjoying the feel of his stubble under the tips. "I-I never thought that you.that you were interested in me, in us."

"Oh darling," John sighed, brushing a lock of hair that had escaped your messy bun, out of your face. "You have no idea how much Teddy and you changed me. I never thought I'd have kids of my own but spending time with Teddy opened my eyes to that possibility and I want to try this, being with you and being a father to your son that he never had."

Tears welled in your eyes and you couldn't find the words you wanted to say. It was Christmas day today and you felt that finally your biggest wish had been granted.

"So, does that mean that I can call you daddy now?"

Both of you turned around to see Teddy standing at the doorway to the kitchen still dressed in his Christmas pyjamas and grinning from ear to ear. John released his hold on you and moved over to your son. He picked him up and set him on his hip.

"Well it's still only the start but I'd like to be your dad if you want that, too."

Eagerly nodding his head, Teddy threw his tiny arms around your neighbor's neck, squeezing tightly. "Finally Santa got the presents right." he mumbled into the fabric of the sweater John wore and leaned his head against his cheek.

Smiling softly you couldn't help but feel the warmth spread over your entire body. Just now, just like this it felt like a real family Christmas to you. Finally you wouldn't have to see the sad eyes of your son when still one present wasn't under the tree - but of course not, because that present would have never fit under the tree. His present was standing right there in front of you.

Tagging secret santa squad! @toomanystoriessolittletime @ladyreapermc @fanficsrusz ​ @meetmeinthematinee ​ @ficsnroses ​ @omg-imagine @eevee-of-rivia @fics-not-tragedies

[pixie88]

The Naughty Teacher

A/N: Those who play Lovelink know Marco Bottazzi. He currently grey, I miss him so decided to do another FF continuing from the last! He makes it hard not to fall for him while he sets you up with his best friend. Let me know if you would like to be tagged or untagged!

Find my other Marco Bottazzi FF HERE on my masterlist under Lovelink - One shots. Along with my Rory Bear & Shopping Trip (Rory O’Brien), Tattoo Artist to Businessman (Blake Bailey) & Photogenic (Dominic Wright) FF.

Comments always welcome!

Word count: 1754

WARNINGS: ⚠️ NSFW & Fluffy fluff.

Disclaimer: Characters are property of Lovelink.

Pairings: Marco X MC - Naomi

Enjoy!

We have been on three more dates since our date where he cooked dinner for me. We haven't done any more than a kiss, flirt in person, and via text until last night.

He had texted me just after he'd had a shower, which turned into sexting. Now I'm sexually frustrated, but he's working today and has his mom's birthday meal tonight, which he wanted me to go with him, but I thought it was too soon after he split with Sally.

His parents probably wouldn't take our relationship seriously considering he has only just broken up with her just 3 weeks ago.

*1 New Message from Marco Bottazzi on Lovelink*

[Hey gorgeous, Are you ok? What you up to? I can't stop thinking about our sexting session. I blush each time I think about it. xx]

[Hiya, I'm great thank you. What about you?  I'm enjoying my day off all cozy in bed reading a book. How is work? I was thinking about re-reading the messages actually. x]

[I'm now blushing at the thought of you re-reading those messages.....touching yourself! I'm in the middle of class texting you under the table while my students are doing a pop quiz. xx]

[Touching myself wishing it was you! Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this considering you are at school. Naughty teacher! Maybe you could pop by after your Mom's birthday meal tonight? x]

[GOD! I agree, as currently, I can't get up from my desk without displaying the situation in my pants right now. I would love to but I have some papers to grade. What about tomorrow night? xx]

[Opps! haha. Look forward to it! x]

[Slowly going thank god. Lunch in 35 minutes. Sort out the details later. I can't wait either xx]

This gives me an idea.

~*~*~*~

40 minutes later, my knuckles knock on the cold wooden door, I hear movement on the other side, then the door opens before he has time to say anything I speak.

"Mr. Bottazzi, I'm here for my appointment to talk about Kyle's grades"

He looks confused, then notices Mrs. Norris who escorted me to his classroom.

"Oh yes! Sorry, I forgot that was today. Please come in," He says as moves away from the doorway to let me into the classroom. Mrs. Norris smiles and leaves us to it.

Marco closes the door I'm just about to speak and he puts his finger to his lips to shh me. We hear Mrs. Norris's heels tap along the wooden floor fading further and further away.

"Naomi, What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you"

"Why did you say you were a parent?" He asks.

"I didn't, I said I was an Aunt and Kyle's Mom sent me because she couldn't make the meeting herself"

"How did you know there was a Kyle here?"  he asks.

"I saw Mrs. Norris putting in names on the computer of children who are in today I didn't give his last name. Just in case. Don't you like my resourcefulness?" I wink.

"You do know I can never bring to any work party's now!" He smirks.

"Well, at least while Mrs. Norris is here!" I wink. I turn to look around his classroom.

"So, you wanted to see me?" he asks.

I turn back to him "Yeah, How long is your lunch break?"

He looks at the clock "I have 47 minutes left" he smiles.

I walk towards the door and flip the lock. I turn back to him with my back pressed against the door.

He knows exactly what I'm thinking "Naomi, as much as I want to we can't!"

"Why?" I ask.

"This is my place of work. If we get caught I'd lose my job"

"How would anyone know? The door is locked. Unless anyone else has a key?" I smirk.

"Well, the only other person with a key is the janitor. Who is on lunch at the moment" I can see he's fighting with himself, but before I could react his lips claim mine.

His body pressed against mine, his tongue parts my lips as it dances with mine.

His hand comes under my thigh and lifts up one of my legs, his hips are pushing into mine and I can feel his hard member against my throbbing core.

His lips move to my pulse line and up to my ear "I'm going to be in so much trouble if we get caught!"  he whispers.

"Maybe we should stop?" I ask.

"Too late now. I don't think I can stop!" he nips my ear lobe before his lips crash to mine as he is lifting my other thigh and I wrap my legs around him.

He carries me across the room, I have no idea where we are going until I feel him set me down. He swipes whatever is behind me, he pulls away a little "I've always wanted to do that!" he says.

I let out a small giggle.

His hand glides up my thigh under my dress until he reaches my centre and brushes against it. "Lay back!" he demands.

I do as he says, he lifts up my legs and places my feet on the desk. His hands come under my dress again, he grasps the waistband of my underwear and pulls it down until their discarded. He lays small kisses on the inside of my thigh trailing towards my core.

"You'll have to keep quiet Naomi!" I feel his breath against me before his tongue parts my folds and lap at my centre.

I bite my lip to keep myself quiet. He spreads my legs and starts to work against my clit. My hand tangles in his hair, my hips buck up, I'm finding it hard to not moan aloud. "Ohh, Marco!" I whisper.

I feel him smirk against me "That is my new favourite noise," he whispers against me.

I pull myself up, jump off the desk, and start to unbuckle his belt.

"Naomi, what are you....." he's cut off by me freeing him and wrapping my hand around the base of him. I circled my tongue around his tip, and he groans, "Fuck...baby!"

I take him in fully, run my tongue along him from the base all to the tip. I gently graze my teeth gently as I draw him out, his hand clutches my hair, and he moves me to his own rhythm.

"Naomi...that feels so.....God!" he whispers.

He begins to move his hips faster. He groans louder, he pulls me up and crashes his lips to mine. His kiss is more urgent, he lifts me up onto the desk again.

"In my bag, there's a condom," I tell him.

He picks up my bag off the floor and finds it.

He grips the foil packet between his teeth, tears it out, and rolls it over his hard member.

He kisses me again as he runs along my centre before pushing past my entrance. Filling me. I grasp his hair and moan against his lips.

"Harder" Marco's thrusts become harder, he draws out slowly until the tip is just inside me then he thrust back in faster and harder.

"Oh god! Yes!"  I moan.

The desk moves with us each time he thrusts into me.

"Wow, this is a hundred times better than I could ever imagine" he whispers against my ear.

I move my lips to his jawline, his stubble is rough against my lips, I move to his neck and he catches his breath.

I love having this effect on him. He lifts my chin to kiss my lips as he pushes me to lay back onto the oak desk. He climbs onto the desk with me and speeds up his movements. His lips move to my pulse line and gently nips.

I'm close to the edge, I hold on to him a little bit tighter "Marco...YES!" I moan a little too loud as I fall over the edge.

He groans, his thrust becomes faster then I feel him hit his own peak as he moans are muffled out against my neck.

We lay like this for a few minutes to catch our breath.

He lifts up to look at me, I smile, "Do I get an A+ Mr. Bottazzi?" I ask.

He laughs, "Actually, you need to retake this test, but at another time and in a few different positions!" He winks.

"Well, I'm more than willing to do anything to get my grades up!"

He laughs again "Ok, this is getting a bit weird now!" He says as he pulls out of me and gets off the desk.

He picks up my underwear and hands it to me before he glances at the clock. "I only have 10 minutes before my next class"

"Kicking me out Mr. Bottazzi?" I ask jokingly.

"I wish you could stay but obviously that's not possible, but if the offer is still there I'd love to see you tonight?"

"I thought you had papers to grade?" I ask.

"I do! But I'd rather see you. Plus, I can grade them in my classes in the morning or at lunch"

"Like I'm going to pass up the opportunity to get an action replay of that! Without having to be quiet" I wink.

His cheeks glow red "Or holding back," he smirks.

"Mr. Bottazzi, were you holding out on me?" I ask.

He just winks.

I smile, "I better go. I'll see you tonight?"

He pulls me to him and cups my face before placing a small kiss on my lips. "Can't wait!"

I start to leave "See you later then," I say as I leave the classroom.

I'm walking home when I hear my phone.

*1 New Message from Marco Bottazzi on Lovelink*

[I can't believe we did that! Does this mean I get your actual number now? I did give you mine last week xx]

I reply in a normal text instead of through the app.

[I didn't think you had it in you Mr. Bottazzi! You surprised me! Of course, and this is it! x]

*1 New Message from Marco <3*

[You seem to bring out a side of me, I never knew I had! So, does this mean we are deleting the app? I finally have your number!! ;) xx]

[Well, Mr. Bottazzi now we are on texting territory I no longer have use for the app ;) x]

*1 New Message from Marco <3*

[Me either deleting it as we speak. Looking forward to tonight! xx]

[Deleted already. Believe me, I am too! See you later x]

@khoicesbyk​

[roselen-mylady]

In Another Life

Bucky Barnes x reader ° part seven

Summary: Waiting 88 years to find your soulmate? It was cruel. But it was a cruel fate Bucky would have to face whether he accepted it or not. Bucky was a tortured man all his life and he wasn't even granted the solace of having his soulmate at his side. All he had was the promise of one in another life. They were separated by two different times.

But the pain in their lives were connected.

Y/n had been alone ever since she could remember. All she could depend on was the soulmate that was destined to be at her side. Yet when the snap occured she lost him.

And Bucky never got to meet her.

The diner was quiet, despite the time of day. Light chatter echoed around them but Y/n could hardly notice, her gaze and attention all focused on the large, green man before her. 

Bruce Banner was another idol of hers. He was one of the only brains to compete with hers, aside from Tony Stark, and she admired his work. It was his work after all that had attracted her full attention in that diner. 

The once timid looking man who stood small and nervous during lectures now sat confident and relaxed upon his chair, shoveling the biggest portions of food she had ever seen into his mouth. 

When Steve and Nat mentioned a genius her mind had immediately come to the much more civilized Hulk, but he wasn't their first stop. No, when they pulled up at a small cabin outside of the city, she was confused. 

It was secluded so it was easy to convince herself that they had arrived at Bruce Banner's home but that idea was thrown out the window when a familiar figure stepped away from the small tent out front. She recognized him in an instant and sunk back into herself once realization struck that she was at Tony Stark's home. 

"Who's the new girl?" He asked, curiously sending a glance Y/n's way as he adjusted his hold on the girl in his arms. 

"Dr. Y/n L/n. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Stark." Her voice cracked slightly but he didn't seem to mind as he reached out for Y/n's hand, shifting the small girl to his hip. 

"Iron Man fan?" He questioned, his grip on her hand soothing in a way. Y/n offered a short shrug, sending a warm look to the girl Y/n assumed was his daughter. 

"More of a 'Tony Stark the philanthropist' fan." A shy smile caked her face and Tony found himself returning it. It was new to him, the way someone admired his true persona rather than the superhero he had made himself to be. It was a welcomed feeling. 

"Well, Doc, since I've got you here-there's this pain in my neck." Tony slipped his hand from her own, moving to rub a spot on his neck. His daughter let her fingers entwine with his own as he did so and the heartwarming smile he gave her reminded Y/n very much of her own father. 

It seemed forever ago since she last saw his proud grin and she allowed herself to wonder what he would think of her life. What would her mother think? Would they be proud? Or would they share the same disappointment she now felt in herself for lying and cowering for so many years? 

"I'd recommend a chiropractor, I'm afraid I'm a PhD type of doctor." Her tone was strained, Steve being the only one to notice it. He knew she was thinking of her past. It was a look he had seen on too many people. A look of loss. He just wished she'd finally let down her walls. 

"I feel like I know you." 

Tony's statement sent a chill down her spine but she did her best to ignore the feeling, allowing yet another smile to grace her lips. 

"I wish." Y/n gave a short giggle, forcing away any suspicion Tony might've had. His eyes lingered on her for a moment but ultimately turned away, carrying on with their reason for visiting. 

Despite their pleas, Tony rejected their idea not that they could blame him. And while Y/n would've loved to work with him, she had just been ecstatic to meet the famous Tony Stark she looked up to all her life. 

He was the reason she took such an interest in science and technology. She was once trained to be the next Tony Stark after all. It was interesting seeing how different their lives had ended up, Tony choosing a life away from people while she chose to help them. She still admired him and she absolutely fell in love with his daughter, Morgan, an innocent replica of her father. 

There had once been a time when she imagined her and her soulmate having the stereotypical suburban life; married with kids. However when the snap occured, any hope of that life died with her soulmate. 

Yet this didn't stop her from pondering an alternative. She wondered if she and her soulmate did have a life together, what it would be like? What would he be like? Was he funny? Was he kind? Was he charming? Were his eyes really blue? 

"About what we were saying…" Steve said, capturing their attention once more. Scott wore a baffled and angry look after the whole picture interaction and Y/n couldn't help but be amused as he sat next to her with a pout. 

"Right. The whole time travel do-over? Guys, it's outside my area of expertise." Bruce explained. Y/n's heart sank and she sighed, her eyes subconsciously searching for Steve's. His eyes were still hopeful and he turned away from her trying to convince Bruce to help. 

"Y/n said she could get it started. Couldn't that help?" He questioned, almost desperate as Y/n shared a look with Bruce. She could tell he wanted to help just as much as the next guy but their entire plan rested on something that came straight out of a movie. 

"Steve, leading an experiment like this would be impossible if I don't even know where to start." Bruce tried to explain gently. Nat stared at Bruce, her expression unconvinced and even a little encouraging as a soft smirk twisted on her lips. 

"Well, you pulled this off. I remember a time when that seemed pretty impossible, too." She replied. Bruce fell silent, looking down at himself as he contemplated the decision. It would be risky but they didn't really have much else to lose, right? 

•••

Bruce had come back with them to the compound and after explaining the strategy she'd come up with, Y/n set off to find Steve. 

He'd been quiet since she'd asked him the truth about Bucky. She regretted it, having pushed him so far. But she was also kind of relieved. 

Finally she understood how her life had fallen apart. Understood why the man she feared had done what he did. 

She even understood why his eyes had looked the way they did that day. The pain and suffering within them made sense and the eyes that accompanied her nightmares only filled her with heartache. 

Would the guilt ever fade? Or would she just continue to find more things to feel guilt for? 

After a bit of searching, she found Steve in his room, leaning against the headrest of his bed. The room was neat and if it hadn't been for the few personal effects on the dresser she would've argued it wasn't lived in. In a way that was true since a majority of his nights were spent at her apartment whether it be movie nights, game nights or simply nights spent together doing their own things. 

Steve looked up from his sketchbook when she softly knocked on the door frame, leaning on it as he set down the book. 

"Come in." She wordlessly padded over, climbing up to sit next to him. Their shoulders brushed and the calming effect that came with her presence uplifted his spirits causing him to look over at her with a tender smile. 

"Let me guess. You wanna know what's wrong." He acknowledged. Y/n studied his thoughtful eyes, shaking her head with a brief exhale as she turned away. 

"You have a way of staring into someone's soul. Did that come with the serum or has it always been like that?" She asked him, her tone teasing yet a little genuine. He shrugged letting out a small laugh. 

The sound out her at ease, telling Y/n that he wasn't angry. At least not at her. Their interaction in the car had hurt both of them and Steve didn't want to continue it any longer. 

"I don't know. I guess I've always been a little intense." His smile faded slowly, allowing his gaze to fall back on the sketchbook. He'd been drawing a familiar sight, unable to get his best friend out of his head. 

Y/n followed his stare, landing on the drawing scribbled onto the page. Respectfully reaching over and picking it up, she looked up at Steve. He made no effort to stop her, watching as her finger traced the curve of the face upon the page. 

It was a rough drawing due to Steve's lack of time to really add the details he wished to but Y/n had seen plenty of his art so he didn't mind as much. Her lips parted but she didn't speak instead creasing her brow as she intently stared at the page. 

Steve had drawn Bucky plenty of times before but shamefully most had been of the Winter Soldier. He used drawing as a way to drag certain images from his head and nothing haunted him more than the monster HYDRA had made his best friend into. 

Yet this drawing was different. He drew him the way he remembered Bucky, from before the snap. When he was getting better. 

On the page was a tired man, a man she'd never seen before. There was a permanent crease in his brow, decades of pointed stares and menacing expressions having worn it into his very features. A bit of stubble had grown on his face and his hair was long like she remembered. Even his expression as exhausted staring back at her with a weak smile. 

Y/n wondered what moment Steve had drawn this from. What had happened to make Steve catalogue this within his memories. She wondered what had caused that look in his eyes. 

The eyes that stared back at her were completely different from the ones she remembered, though she knew they belonged to the same man. These were kind yet weary: eyes of a man who had broken by war and hate but still felt things like compassion. A man who saw the worst of the world but still chose to protect it. . 

"This was him?" She mumbled softly, meeting Steve's uncertain gaze. 

He nodded, watching as she looked away from him. 

This picture seemed to be her breaking point. 

All the rage and all the terror, all of it melted into the already overflowing pool of self hatred. How could she bear to think about the grudge she'd held against a man who despite everything that the world had done to him, still fought Thanos that day when the world ended. 

Today she had learned all at once the man behind the one she feared and all the hate she once felt was unjust. And as much as she wanted to hold onto it, she just couldn't. 

It was wrong. 

"You can keep it if you want." Steve offered once she had handed him back the sketchbook. She began to shake her head, trying to reason it meant more to him than to her but Steve had already pulled out the page handing it to her. 

"To remember who he really was." He reasoned. 

Y/n held it tenderly in her hands, taking care to lay it in her lap as if touching the page in any rough manner might damage the man displayed on it. 

When the silence came it didn't feel as suffocating as before. They sat there on his bed for an hour in that silence. Y/n was grateful for the time to think, trying desperately to come to terms with everything she'd been told. 

And it wasn't until Y/n was about to get up and head home for a change of clothes that Steve spoke, breaking the silence. 

"I know why you came." Steve said suddenly, making her lift her head to peer up at him. Shame flushed over him and Y/n could feel her heart drop. "You want to know why I wanted you to stay so bad. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" 

"You think keeping me around was a mistake, don't you?" 

Steve's expression morphed into shock and he instantly shook his head at her assumption. Allowing him to take her hand in his, she felt a bit ashamed for how hurt he was by what she had said. 

"No. Never. I want you here because I sincerely believe you can help us. You can help me." Y/n sighed, her eyes landing on their outstretched legs. She let him idly circle his thumb along the back of her hand, trying to fight the urge to argue. 

"I want to help, Steve. And I think I can, just..." She trailed off. "This is your thing, Steve. Not mine. I'm not equipped for this. I wish I was, I really do." 

A frown tugged at his lips and his lashes brushed his skin briefly as his eyes fell on his lap. He knew it was unfair to her to bring her into this and it certainly wasn't okay to keep her against her will but he needed her. 

"I know. And I'm sorry. Just-" He cut himself off, shifting on the bed to face her better. She watched with an unsure gaze as he took both of her hands. "Ever since I could remember I've done what I thought was right and for a while it worked. But the past few years, I've ruined so much." 

His voice was hushed and Y/n could see how troubled he was by his furrowed brow and clouded eyes. His eyes were trained on their intertwined hands, her touch filling him with a familiar ease. One he'd known all his life. 

"Things have gotten too hard. Being Captain America isn't white and black anymore and when we lost, I didn't see a point. But then I met you and things were easy again. I didn't have to be Captain America, I could just be Steve." He confessed. 

He felt guilty, not that his words weren't true. If anything, this was the most honest he had been with her. But the guilt that seeped into his heart came from Bucky. He hadn't just failed the world, he failed all of his friends, all people he would fondly consider his new family. Could he really risk losing again? 

"I don't know if that even makes sense but I need you here. I need to be Steve." He dared to take a glimpse at her, fearing she might condemn him. Instead a warm smile graced Y/n's features, patient and kind like Bucky always was. 

"Okay." She whispered, her heart clenching as she forced the simple word. She couldn't shake the feeling that her luck hadn't yet turned. Everytime she tried to help, it destroyed everything around her. She couldn't let that happen again. "I'm gonna go get some stuff from the apartment then you have my wholehearted assistance."

Y/n carefully tucked the picture into her pocket before climbing off the bed, standing next to it as Steve swung his legs over the edge. "Do you want me to go with you?" He offered. She shook her head, pulling her hair up and tying it. 

"Nah, I'll be ok. What, you scared I'll run away?" She attempted to lighten the mood. Steve chuckled as she walked over to the door running her fingers along the wall before pausing. He watched her small frame hesitate before shooting a short glance back at him. "Hey, uh- just…don't do anything stupid till I get back." She pleaded, earnest concern in her tone as he pushed off the bed. 

A soft smirk came to his face and he lifted a shoulder in a lazy shrug. "How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you." He replied instantly, not giving it too much thought. Y/n scoffed, rolling her eyes and letting her fingers wrap around the doorframe as she stepped out into the hall. 

"Grandpa's got jokes now." She offered a genuine laugh, her smile lingering upon her lips. 

Then she disappeared down the hall, leaving him standing silently in the now empty room trying in vain to brush away the painful overlap. 

•••

When she got back to the apartment she packed a bag of essentials for herself, making sure to stop by Steve's room and pack a few extra clothes in case he needed them. Speaking of the man, she scoffed looking at the full sink. 

"Steven Rogers, I swear." A long sigh filled the quiet apartment as she set about washing the dishes he'd promised to take care of. While she was at it she took care of a few other chores since she wasn't sure when she would be back again. 

There wasn't much to be abandoned at the apartment other than a few plants but they'd been dead for a couple days at that point. She never had been one to have a green thumb but Steve claimed having them around gave the apartment some life. 

Ironic.

The walk back to the compound was peaceful even in the constant gloom of the city. Knowing there was a shift in the atmosphere filled her with a new type of feeling, one she hadn't experienced in a really long time.  

There had been people on the street, going about their business. Everything was dulled compared to life before the snap but she hadn't noticed until she knew there was something to be done. How many times she had gone about her life while something was happening behind the scenes that she had been so painfully oblivious to? Perhaps that was why the Sokovia Accords had been created in the first place. 

There were so many close calls the Avengers prevented that the public didn't even know about until it was on the news. Though she didn't agree with the Accords she understood the government's wish to be more aware and even in control. 

Once reaching the compound, Nat let her in through the gate and Y/n began her trek to the building. Tugging her hair free of the hair tie, it fell loose around her face and she cringed at the grease starting to build on her scalp. Moving through the halls of the compound, she let herself really explore. 

Despite years of friendship she hadn't really been at the compound for longer than a few hours at a time, most of the visit being spent in the training room with Nat. Steve explained he wanted to keep his friendship with her separate from his life as an Avenger and since she had been doing everything in her power to forget her past, she appreciated the separation. 

As she continued to wonder, she hoped there'd be a shower somewhere on the large complex. But before she could ask anyone, her silent venture was cut off by the sounds of very frantic voices coming from a door to her left. Hesitantly she stepped through, finding herself in a large open space with a very odd scene. 

 The horrid van had been brought in and the back glowed while what looked like a portal swirled inside it. A baby, she assumed to be Scott, stood on wobbly feet in a crudely made suit as everyone turned to her with alarmed expressions. Y/n dropped her bag and rushed forward, pushing Bruce aside as she pointed for Nat. 

"When I say kill the reactor, kill it!" Y/n demanded, adjusting the calculations on the panel as Nat rapidly walked over to the reactor. 

"Kill it!" Y/n called. Nat's frantic hands quickly pulled down the knob, turning off the reactor before looking back over to the van. Scott had returned to his position and normal age, his face contorted in shock and confusion. 

"Somebody peed my pants." Scott proclaimed making Nat sigh, walking over to them. Y/n let go of her own sigh of relief, stepping away from the control panel. Bruce looked over the work she'd done, his eyes widening for a split second before returning to Scott. 

"God, I leave you guys alone for one hour! I told you not to do anything!" She cried, sending an aggravated look at Steve. He cowered under her detested glare, bringing his hand to the back of his neck. 

"But I don't know if it was 'baby' me or 'old' me...or just 'me' me." Scott elaborated, earning an annoyed stare from Y/n. However Bruce did not share her agitation, holding up his hands dramatically. 

"Time travel!" He announced, a proud grin on his face as he looked to the others for the same enthusiasm. Steve refused to reply instead shaking his head and stalking off toward the exit while Y/n tried to calm her racing heart. She made them promise to wait for her. She knew something like this would happen. 

"What? I..I see this as an absolute win!" Bruce called after Steve. Nat and Y/n looked at one another before moving to check on Scott. He was fine other than some wet pants and suit which Y/n painfully took knowing they'd need the suit for another test run, one she knew she'd be leading. 

"Here, Bruce." Y/n tossed him the suit. He caught it with a scrunched nose, holding it at arm's length with a disgusted expression. 

"That's what you get for not waiting." 

Part eight

Taglist:

@cancanmarvel

@jessyballet

@eldahae

@mc225g

@kissesofdeadforme

@wantingtobekorra

@sxphiiwrld

@lunaticbarnes

@indecisivedolly

@saiyanprincesswanie

@lextheflexsthings

[shiftysdogtags]

I Knew You

I based this off Taylor Swifts song ‘cardigan’. When i heard the song i immediately thought Joe Liebgott and i seen this story play out and i knew i had to write it. I’m not 100% happy with it and i know no one asked for it but here it is anyway.

Warnings: passing mentions of drinking and being drunk. Slight swearing. Also my terrible writting✌🏻

If you listen closely you can hear my heart breaking in the distance. And a big thank you to @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant for the teddy bear idea and the title.

Taglist: @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant @floydtab

Headcanons and ships for the pacific and band of brothers are open

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knew you

Dancin’ in your Levi’s

Drunk under a streetlight

Joe didn’t let many people get too close to him. Very few people knew the real him, they just seen the person he wanted them to see. He was soft and delicate. Not delicate like a flower, delicate like a grenade with the pin removed. One wrong move and he could blow up. It was because of this people avoided him. He was blunt and rough around the edges. Maybe he was standoffish too, but he was my Joe and nobody knew him better than i did.

“Joe, get off the street” i tried pulling him onto the path.

I would love for Joe to show people this side of him, slightly drunk and giddy. He was swinging from a street lamp and dodging cars that tried to beep him out of the way. Although i tried to be serious, the more he swung around the dizzier he became, making me laugh. All i had to do was pull him twenty feet to the right and he would be inside my house and safe.

Joe stumbled in my direction and pulled on my hand “Dance with me, Doll”

No matter how much i objected and stated that i had two left feet he persisted. It wasn’t dancing exactly but the way he held my hand gave me butterflies. The sound of his laugh when he threw his head back was enough to put me in a trance and i swore if that was the last sound i ever heard it wouldn’t ask for anything more.

Joe made me feel careless and brave. With him my by side i was afraid of nothing, as if i could do anything i dreamed of. I found fearlessness somewhere in side of me and it was all thanks to him.

It wasn’t until he spun me i realised i was also tipsy. Slightly light headed, he pulled me to his chest with a kiss to my temple. A car stopped, catching us in the headlights and i decided it was time to go inside. Trying to pull Joe towards the house again he stumbled over his feet but, i somehow managed to get him to the spare room and into bed.

He was almost half asleep and i pressed my lips to his forehead. “Night, Joey”

I knew you

Playing hide-and-seek and

Giving me your weekends

Joe and i kept each other a secret. Although people knew we were friends, they didn’t know the true or full extend of our relationship. Relationship, if it could even be classified as that. On a normal day we would be polite and only acknowledge each other if really needed. Our days off were spent together doing anything and everything. I learned about Joe and who he really was by just sitting around and listening.

“Do you think stuffed bears have feelings?“ he asked me, lying on the sitting room floor counting the cracks in the ceiling. He had one arm under his head and the other was holding a bear i found in my mothers attic amongst my old childhood toys.

Of course i laughed and i though how out of character it was for Joe to ask something like that. We were hidden from view, the curtains were closed and no one could ruin the time we got to be alone together. The Joe i knew was softer and more vulnerable than he would like to admit. Opening the curtains would be like him confessing the fragility of his emotions and letting people into his life. They would be kept closed and the world would be none the wiser of his feelings or his closeness to me in that moment.

Watching him investigating the bear i realised how few people saw this side of Joe. I loved being one of the only few, if not the only person, he acted like this with. He pulled on a loose thread and a hole formed. He looked wide eyed at me with an apologetic face. It wasn’t until he heard my laugh did he join in too. With anyone else he would have brushed it off but he was afraid to hurt me.

“I think you hurt his feelings” i said nodding to the bear. He laughed louder and threw the bear at me.

To kiss in cars and downtown bars

Was all we needed

Joe used to drive around for hours with me in the passenger seat changing the radio. He would pick me up after work in the diner downtown. After a long day he would tell me i needed to loosen up and go on an adventure with him.

“Come on Y/N, have a little fun once in a while” he said with a little smirk and that was all that was needed to convince me. That smirk on his face made me feel like i was selling my soul to the Devil.

With no destination in mind we normally ended up parking the car beside the bay. When we were together we didn’t need material things or to be doing anything specifically, all we needed was each other. All of our major firsts happened here. The first time we kissed was eating ice cream a few months after Joe got back from Europe. The first time he mentioned the war and what he experienced happened at the bay.

It was here on a chilly Autumn night i realised i was in love with Joe. We sat on the car bonnet sharing a blanket as we watched the car headlights dance across the bridge. He was warmer than me, always had been. With my head on his shoulder and his lips in my hair i hoped he felt the same way.

There was never supposed to be anything romantic about our rendezvous, but i couldn’t help but hope. The bay had seen the same amount of kisses shared between us as cars that crossed the bridge.

I knew you

Tried to change the ending

Peter losing Wendy

I knew nothing good would come of this. The ending was clear before anything had even begun. The second i met him everything played out like a dream in front of me. Heartbreak was the only possible outcome and vivid hallucinations danced in front of me, almost real enough to touch. But when i reached out my hand they were gone just as fast as they came, disappeared in a cloud of smoke

“We’re just friends and you know it” Joe stated, cigarette hanging from his lips

“Thats bullshit, Joe.”

My emotions got the better of me and ignoring the warning signs, i let them. Despite all this i had hoped, really hoped that i could somehow change it. Joe was Joe and he did what he wanted when he wanted. I knew i was delusional to believe i had the power to change anything, let alone a strong willed person like Joe. He refused to grow up, constantly acting childish and never committing to anything for a significant amount of time. People around him were play things that he singled out to suit his specific needs. He dropped them like toys and picked them back up again when he was bored.

“Can you honestly sit there and tell me there are no feelings between us?” I begged him for an answer. “Do you feel anything for me? Anything at all?”

No answer was given, just a simple shrug of his shoulders. If my heart wasn’t broken before it certainly was then. He couldn’t look at me, focusing his eyes over the steering wheel and watching the rain fall against the windscreen.

“I can’t do this anymore” Getting out of his car i slammed the door closed and ran across the street into my house. Even though the distance was short i was soaked and my clothes felt heavy on my skin as did Joe’s words, or lack of words, did on my heart.

That boy had me wrapped around his little finger. Like a puppet on a string, Joe pulled me left and right. He had me where he wanted me. Believing that having something more than a fling with Joe was a fantasy. Being with him was like playing make believe. He makes my head spin and his voice fogs my judgement. It was time to come back to reality. It was time for me to grow up, with or without him. I wanted to forget him.

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss

I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs

The smell of smoke would hang around this long

‘Cause I knew everything when I was young

It was while making coffee the next morning i realised tying to forget someone like Joe is near damn impossible. Every detail about about him lingers in my mind, his name constantly on the tip of my tongue. The shape of his lips are imprinted onto mine and i will never forget how they felt. The spark when his deep brown eyes met mine is always embedded deep in my heart where no one else can reach. His touch is eternally burned onto my skin, forever part of me. I knew i would never really be able to untangle Joe from my life. It was hard to know where he ended and i began.

The coffee machine was done and i took my favourite mug from it’s place in the press. Of course it was positioned next to the mug Joe usually used. I noticed the coffee stains on the edges. I’m sure if i looked closely enough i would see transcripts of all the late night conversations shared between us. They were never really serious, only ridiculous ‘what if’ scenarios, but it made me wonder. What if i never met Joe? What if he never smiled at me the way he did? What if we never had that fight? How many washes would it take to get the smell of him and his smokes out of my clothes?

Everything blended into one and i couldn’t remember a time in my life when Joe wasn’t part of it. It was impossible to know what parts of my life actually belonged to me and not him. Pictures float in front of me, reminding me of our time together. No matter how hard i tried to forget, each memory will be forever burned into my heart.

I knew I'd curse you for the longest time

Chasin’ shadows in the grocery line

No matter where i went a memory of Joe played like a movie in front of me. It was like an outer body experience, as if i was watching from afar. Shadows danced in the store aisle, distracting me. I only noticed the cashier was ready for me when the man behind me cleared his throat. Apologising, i quickly placed my few items and thanked the girl quickly leaving the store.

When i reached my car i realised all my thoughts were consumed with Joe. He haunted my memories and my past. Flashbacks came daily in the most random of places. Every inch of our home town crawled with the sound of his voice and each street screamed him name tauntingly at me.

Starting the car, i made my way home while desperately trying to avoid any streets where i shared moments with Joe. It was impossible. Every street contained a different story and a different memory. The streetlight outside my house is the one i danced with Joe under. He was everywhere and unavoidable.

He ruined me in all the best ways. Joe stripped me back to the basics and built me up again in ways i can’t describe. Before Joe life was boring and grey. Now, it is full of colour and new sounds i wouldn’t have experienced without him. He turned everything i knew upside down. The vitality in everything we did together will always be etched into me. It has made me a different person and for that i can’t be anything but thankful towards him.

I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired

And you’d be standin’ in my front porch light

I missed him, more than anything. Two months later i still missed him and I have never felt so alone. Even when Joe left to join the paratroopers i never felt this lonely. Somehow the thought of having him in the same town but not as my friend was worse than him never coming home. That was such a terrible thought but it’s how i felt.

The thunderstorm outside reminded me of the night i fought with Joe. The rain beating against the window made it feel less lonely. It created a sound displacing the constant silence that surrounded the house now Joe wasn’t around. Picking up the stuffed bear he once made fun of i smiled before i threw it across the room. He was everywhere.

I almost missed the banging noise against the front door. Cautiously walking to the window to see who it was because who in their right mind would be out in weather like that. The last thing i expected to see was Joe standing on my front porch knocking at my door. I deliberated for a moment whether to let him in. Could i leave him outside and hope he would leave, or should i let him in and wreck the little progress i have made in forgetting him?

I chose the latter, grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch. After opening the door he stood there not saying a word. He didn’t come in straight away and i watched the raindrops fall from his face in the light. He looked exhausted like he hadn’t slept in days. I handed him the blanket and he followed me in placing it around his shoulders.

He said nothing, he just smirked. “Hey Doll”

And I knew you’d come back to me

[tealquacks]

For the Bad Things Happen Bingo, I'd love to see Remus play Russian Roulette, along with anyone else you pick :)

Warnings: cursing, guns, death, blood

He sat impatiently still on the back patio, cross legged on rough concrete. Night had fallen, but the dark smelled sweet, and the porch light glowed bright and steady, attracting moths. Remus stared at the moths as they fluttered around the light. He was half tempted to try to catch some, but he’d long committed to sitting and waiting, just like he was told to do so. A moth landed on the light.

With a swish, the back door opened. Remus perked up as he saw a figure step out, holding two brown glass bottles.

“I hope you brought a bottle opener for those,” Remus said.

“The caps screw off,” Patton responded, “it’s, um, root beer.”

Remus pouted, watching Patton sit across from him, crossing his legs and passing Remus a bottle. Remus screwed the tap off, and sniffed the liquid. He grimaced.

“God. Why root beer? I thought you would get actual beer? We’re both of drinking age.”

Patton sighed.

“This is a conversation I want to have sober.”

“Really? Because you look pretty stressed, papa bear. What’s got you in a tizzy?”

Patton unscrewed the root beer, and took a small sip. He set it down on the cement patio with a clink.

“A lot has,” Patton said. “Roman is… keeping his distance for the time being. But that doesn’t mean that you get to take his place—“

“I don’t want to take his place,” Remus snapped. He glared at Patton. “Is that all you wanted to say? Are you done? Can I have a real beer now?”

Patton rubbed his temples.

“Would you just listen to me, kiddo? Please?”

Remus crossed his arms.

“No. Wait!” Remus flapped his hands excitedly. “Yes, but on one condition! We make a game of it!”

Patton nervously smiled.

“What kind of game? Um, charades? Twenty questions! That would be fun.”

Remus tilted his head. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a silver revolver, which gleamed dangerously in the patio light. Patton gasped.

“What— are you going to kill me?”

“We can’t be permanently killed, dumbfuck.”

“...it’s still really scary.”

Remus held the gun steadily. He caressed the barrel, a small smile growing on his face.

“Do you know what Russian roulette is?”

Patton stared at the gun. He slowly shook his head. Of course he didn’t know.

“It’s when you put a single bullet in a revolver, like this, and then you spin the cylinder, like this—“ Remus spun the cylinder with a flourish, then closed it. “And then, you put the gun to your head and pull the trigger!”

Remus pressed the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.

Click.

Patton stared at him with wide, horrified eyes.

“Oh my goodness.”

Remus set the gun down between them.

“For each time you speak, you spin and shoot, and I’ll do the same. The conversation ends when one of us takes a bullet, or one of us chickens out.” Remus leaned forward. He pushed the gun closer to Patton. The metal scraped against the concrete, a horrible noise. “So, padre, how important is this conversation to you?”

Patton’s breaths came in short, nervous puffs. Remus smirked. He picked up his root beer and took a long sip, admiring how the porch light made the gun shine.

Suddenly, the gun was gone.

Patton held it awkwardly. He popped the cylinder out of place, spun it, then shoved it back into place. Then he held it to his head.

“I think that you and Roman need to talk,” he said quickly, “Find a way to split the duties of creativity. Maybe there’s a way you two could reform, become one Creativity?”

Patton squeezed his eyes shut, then pulled the trigger.

Click.

Remus sighed as Patton set down the gun, shell shocked and panting. Remus calmly picked the gun up. Spun the cylinder. Then he spoke.

“Even if I could, I wouldn’t. I’m happy as I am. All I want is what’s best for Thomas. And right now it means being his creativity while Roman is off having his hissy fit.”

Remus held the gun up to his head and pulled the trigger.

Click.

Then he gently set it down. Patton opened his mouth, then shut it, staring at the gun. Slowly, he picked it up, hands shaking. Flicked the cylinder.

“I just… I think it would be best if you talked to him. Tried to get him to come back. Because Thomas’ friends are starting to worry about him because of all the ideas he’s been having, the horrible, horrible ideas.”

Patton stared at the gun in his hand. He held it to his temple. Pulled the trigger.

Click.

Patton let out a nervous breath, and dropped the gun. Remus picked it up with no hesitation.

“All I want is what’s best for Thomas, don’t you get it? I want him to push his creativity to the very limit. I want him to make something that will never be forgotten.”

He spun the cylinder. Held the gun to his head. Pulled the trigger.

Click.

He spun the cylinder and offered the gun to Patton. Patton took it.

“I… I know you do! We all want what’s best for him. I love Thomas so much, and I want him to have a good life, and be good—“ Patton sniffled. “I want him to be good! I’ve been trying so hard for him to be good! And I don’t want him to hurt himself. Your ideas are taking him down to a dark, dark place. I’m scared that you’ll hurt yourself, or he’ll get hurt. I’m really scared.”

Patton held the gun to his head. He closed his eyes tight, like a scared child hiding under the blankets. Tears spilled down his face.

“I’m really scared.”

He pulled the trigger.

Click.

Sobbing, he dropped the gun on the concrete. Patton hid his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. Remus finished off the rest of his root beer. He smashed the bottle against the concrete just to watch Patton flinch.

Remus held the gun with both hands. He stared emptily at the barrel. He sighed.

“You want him to be good. Good for you. There’s no such thing as good. No such thing as evil. It’s all silly rules we hold ourselves accountable for. Silly, silly rules.”

Remus raised the gun to his head, giggling.

He held it steady.

Across from him, Patton shook with sobs.

Remus shut his eyes, giggles dissolving into rabid cackles.

His finger felt the trigger.

At the last second he moved his hand—

BANG.

A heavy thud. The moths all fluttered away. Remus lowered the gun, slowly opening his eyes.

Patton’s body had gone limp, laying on his back. Between his eyes, the gunshot wound steadily leaked blood. Remus leaned over him, brushing his fingers through his scarlet blood. It didn’t matter. Soon enough Patton would be back, all nice and alive in his own room.

Remus stood. His hips popped. He casually stepped over Patton’s body, and opened the patio door into the kitchen.

He could really go for a nice, cold beer.

[promiscuous-jalapeno]

Happy Blogiversary! I'm grateful for all the content you've shared with us! And thank you for being here ♥️ If you're still taking requests, I'd like to ask for Silence - a fable or The Man of the Crowd (from the poe prompts) for Jinpachi from SLBP. Feel free to skip this if you don't want to do it, but thank you very much if you do :) Have a great day!

Thank you so much, dear! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ I would be more than happy to! Jinpachi is a fav I love him so much! Also, this really got away from me omg. This is not a drabble, it turned into a one-shot haha. 

────────────────

{Nezu Jinpachi}

│The Man of the Crowd│following, curiosity, fascination

────────────────

     It had only been a bit of harmless self-indulgence. That’s what he had told himself. Yet he knew indulgences, albeit even harmless ones, were not suited to shinobi. Jinpachi was unaccustomed to acting of his own accord as he had oft of late, and even in the slivers of downtime, he couldn’t come up with plausible reasoning behind his actions. Aside from the obvious–he had, for the first time, been captivated. 

     She had twisted her ankle in town when first they met, a heavy basket of daikon and various vegetables toppling into the street. He had gotten her permission before wrapping the delicate thing in a strip of white cloth. And her hand was so small as it slid into his for support. Soft. Is this what a woman’s hand feels like?  Later, he’d ponder if perhaps only hers could feel that way against his skin. 

     “Thank you, I’m sorry to trouble you,” she apologized, and Jinpachi had not missed the wince as she stood. Nor the way the sun’s rays illuminated her face as she looked up to him with a smile. It made his heart knot in his throat. 

     But he was an expert at hiding even this. He was practiced. He was calm. The unreadable expression so many had deemed aloof would come at his benefit, after all. 

     “It’s nothing. But can you walk?” 

     “My restaurant isn’t far from here, I can manage,” she hobbled. 

     Jinpachi’s face pulled from stoic to troubled frown. “If it’s not far, then allow me to assist you.” 

     “I couldn’t possi-” 

     “Forgive me,” Jinpachi interjected. He had already extracted the basket from her grasp and was now wrapping an arm around her waist in support. 

     He couldn’t help but notice the beautiful blush on her face when they finally made it inside the establishment, and she had a hard time making eye contact after he placed her at a vacant table. Had he done something uncouth? 

     He had only touched her enough to be of help, he frowned pensively. Yet she continued to stumble over her words. The more she attempted to conceal her flushed face the more desperate he grew to see it. It’s not as if he had never seen a woman’s blush before, however. Women fell over themselves for a chance to blush at his Lord. But this…this was different. She was different. Somehow. 

     Despite his protests for her rest, she cooked for him in gratitude. And when he ate at his usual rapid pace she laughed. Oh, heaven. She laughed! And the sound sent him choking on a mouthful of rice. 

     “I’m sorry,” she finished laughing. The melody faded into her light pants like the sound of rustling leaves carried off on autumn wind. “That was rude of me, wasn’t it.” 

     “No, I’m…often told my eating habits are strange.” Among other things, he thought, shifting his gaze uncomfortably. No matter how many times he’d heard the remarks about his peculiar stoicism or the speed at which he ate, there was simply no changing the habits of one such as a shinobi. That did not, however, make him less self-conscious in the present moment. 

     “I’m not laughing because I think it’s strange,” she corrected. “I laughed because, in a shocked sort of way, it made me happy.” 

     Happy? Now who was the strange one, he thought. This was the first time anyone had regarded him with normalcy. Aside from Nobuyuki, that is. But Nobuyuki was far from normal, himself. The confusion must have registered on his face, and she explained while pouring more tea. 

     “You ever feel like you were just born to do something?” 

     Yes. He gave a nod.

     “Well, that’s cooking for me. My father left this restaurant before he died. I guess in that sense, I would have ended up a cook either way, but…I’m lucky to love what I do every day. Seeing people enjoy my food like you just did, well, it gives me great pride. So yeah, I was happy to see you eat so quickly.” 

     “Is that so…I’m sorry about your father.” 

     “It’s alright,” she sighed wistfully, “his memory lives on in the recipes, at least. Would you like some more?” 

     Yes. He gave a nod.

──────

     That night he couldn’t forget her. What if she fell in town again? Trouble always seemed to follow women as kind as she. And what’s more, the whole reason they had come to Kyoto was to track thieves fleeing Sanada lands. What if she had been accosted while mindlessly thinking about recipes? 

     What if they happened upon her restaurant and caused trouble? The blame would be his, in his failure to apprehend. Yes, he had a duty. Yes, he decided. Maybe he had better check on her once more. 

     Out of sight, he watched her day. Her early morning service prep and the elegant way she tied her sleeves back, hands of grace chopping vegetables into uniform bits while she hummed to herself. 

     He watched her the day after. And the day after that. 

     The way she lit up the town when out went shopping for ingredients. Jinpachi couldn’t help but smile at the charming way she held up each bit of produce for inspection. She was a curious one, indeed. He didn’t know what she was looking for. 

     She’d sniff and poke and weigh two against each other in her hands, quirking an eyebrow with pensive concentration. He couldn’t understand what drove her to care at such lengths over a simple onion or radish, but oddly enough, that made it all the more endearing to watch. 

     He felt a twinge in his chest when a young grocer stepped a little too close to her one afternoon. 

     “A discount again? But there’s nothing wrong with these…I couldn’t accept, I’d feel like I was taking advantage of you,” she kindly protested.

     “Don’t be silly! Look, I’m stopping by your restaurant after I close up shop here. If you’re still feeling guilty you can always treat me to some sake, on the house,” he grinned. “Even better if you decide to share it with me.” 

     This guy…there was no mistaking that tone and what he was implying. Jinpachi’s lips pressed into a thin line…Using a favor as leverage against her. He wanted to tell him as much, but meddling was never his forte. 

     Besides, what if she was actually interested in his company? The thought turned his stomach. Still, such an underhanded tactic…he waited until she left and settled for hurling a hearty pebble at his head. Cocky smile growing on his face when the man yelped, rubbing the wound and looking up at the sky in confusion. 

     And the man did show up that evening as promised, but she paid him no more mind than any other customer. She smiled as she did for everyone else. She poured only when necessary. And though his eyes were trained on her, she seemed fixated on stealing glances at the door. 

──────

     Her path to and from shopping had a few rough spots. Thieves and gamblers and drunks loitering around. The usual. Too dangerous to be left alone, surely. But nothing he could not handle in a day. Those that couldn’t be verbally threatened away were subdued so easily he hadn’t the need to use weapons at all. 

     “You’re back awfully fast!” he heard her mother exclaim. 

     “It’s the craziest thing,” she huffed, placing the heavy produce on the counter before throwing her hands on her hips, “all of the shortcuts home have been practically empty lately.” 

      “Now that you mention, the crime around here seems to have gone down. I wonder what’s going on?” 

     “I don’t know, but whatever it is I hope it stays this way,” she laughed. 

     Jinpachi smiled. 

──────

     When visiting her father’s grave she was surprised to see a bundle of fresh vibrant flowers already placed. Curiously she picked them up to examine them, looking around for a sign of anyone else on the lonesome hill. The only answer a silent swift breeze. 

──────

     The day he saw her eyeing a peach a little too long, he couldn’t resist buying it. Finding a way to slip near her in the crowd and toss it at the top of her basket. The surprised noise she made when she arrived home and discovered it was gift enough for him. And the pleasured ‘Mmm’ she made when she bit into the juicy thing, even more so. She looked around curiously, clutching it between her palms like a treasure. 

──────

     It was best this way. He was comfortable in this. Ever the invisible hand from the shadows. He needn’t glory nor recognition for his deeds, these small moments were enough. But it never occurred to him that he might simply be frightened at the idea of anything else. 

     Not until this night, when she had closed up and sat alone, her family all gone to sleep. A single bright lantern and her gaze fixed at the door. He wondered what she was thinking, her cheek resting in her palm as she sighed. Maybe she was having trouble sleeping. Or was she was ill?  He hoped she wasn’t. 

     But then he watched her reach into her sleeve and retrieve something in a balled fist. He wasn’t thinking anything, then. Time slowed. Finger by dainty finger she unfurled. Eyes trained down she untangled a familiar white strip of cloth with care. 

     He was thinking everything, then. 

     Eyes wide and heart racing he left as fast as he could manage. It couldn’t be. He’d imagined it. Surely, he did. It was something else. It didn’t matter, either way...he wasn’t staying in Kyoto. 

     “You’re rather late again.” Nobuyuki’s brush stilled before he placed it on the writing desk. His face was illuminated by dancing lantern light. 

     “Forgive me,” was all Jinpachi replied. He had been concentrating on the evening of his breath. Shutting the shoji behind him, he quietly took a seat against the wall. If he spoke now, Nobuyuki would surely catch on that something was amiss. He was far too clever for anyone’s good.  

     “Jinpachi.” 

     Oh no. “Yes, My Lord.” He knew that tone. 

     “Who is she?” 

     Oh no…How? “She?” 

     Nobuyuki smiled. “Your thoughts are preoccupied, you arrive late almost every evening. And you apprehended the bandits days ago…or did you think I would not find out?” 

     “I…” It was not as if he was purposefully hiding that fact. Though, he had told himself he might have missed one somewhere. That one had gotten away. That they needed to stay a little longer, to be sure. Absolutely sure. Perhaps it was all just a selfish excuse after all. Suddenly, he felt terrible. 

     “Come now,” Nobuyuki laughed lightly, shrugging it off, “no need to look like a child caught sneaking sweets. I was beginning to think I’d never get to see this side of you, old friend.” His face fell into a more serious expression, and he picked up the brush once more. Making one last point before turning back to his work. “But we depart for Ueda in two days’ time. I trust you know what I mean by that.” 

     Yes. He nodded. “By your will.” 

──────

     If she did not remember him, it would be just as well. And why would she? He was quiet and near impossible to understand. They had only met once. If he walked in and she gave him the usual empty courtesies, he would drink he tea and leave quietly. 

     Had what he seen the night before truly been a mirage built from exhaustion and buried hopes, that would be alright. But if she did remember him, then maybe…No. It was not likely. 

     The town was painted in scarlet when he finally had the restaurant in his sights. He’d faced death countless times over. He’d been surrounded by enemies, sword to sword with foe’s in battle, yet nothing gave his heart chase like parting that noren and stepping inside the mouth of fate. 

     “Jinpachi!” she beamed immediately. The face he had grown to love cheerily peeked out from the back room. He could swear she practically skipped to him from the kitchen. “I was…hoping I’d see you again.” 

[rikumorimachisgirl]

Heyyyy girl could i please get the other boys reactions to finding out mc accadently got married to gavin. I'd imagine they be really shocked/upset that she said she was pleased with the arrangement

Hello! I was gonna write something else, but I couldn't resist your prompt. This was a little difficult to write. Here is my attempt at their responses, and I hope you like it. 🙈

Title: Regrets

Pairing: Gavin x MC

Prompt: What is the reaction of the other guys to MC marrying Gavin?

Word count: 2,000+

7:30 am

You rolled on your back, your heart still racing from your passionate lovemaking. Beside you, Gavin did the same and the fine sheen of sweat that covered his body reminded you of how sexy he looked when he held your gaze as he thrust his engorged cock deep inside you until you rode out one orgasm after another. 

"You've got a funny smile on your face, " he teased. "Don't tell me you're ready for round two."

"Am not, " you replied, bringing the covers up to your neck. 

"Oh, come on. Can't you let your husband show you how much he loves you?" 

You were so caught up on playing hard-to-get, you almost failed to hear the creaking of your front door as it opened. You froze and looked at your husband, who had already wrapped a towel around his waist and tossed his shirt at you. 

As you slipped into his white undershirt, you heard the sound of the voice you've been dreading to hear. 

"Honey, I've brought you breakfast. You can't still be mad at me for - oh."

It was Lucien - top-notch neuroscientist, next-door-neighbor, and until yesterday, your lover. He held a bag of hot buns in one hand, and his gaze shifted from the half-naked police officer to you a few times. 

You sighed. He rarely used the spare key you gave him in the past, but you were so upset yesterday, he must've felt he needed to do something special. "Lucien, " you called,  your voice snapping him out of his reverie. "I'd like you to meet Gavin..."

The scientist looked at you like you had lost your mind. Really, he must've thought, why would you be standing in front of him introducing the guy you had just slept with, whose shirt you had on? 

"... My husband."

Your last line struck him like a punch in the gut. His eyes drifted to the ring you now sported, and his heart sank. So surprised by your unexpected announcement, the usually calm and collected Loveland University Professor dropped the bag he was holding, the buns rolling out of the bag. 

Thinking fast, Gavin bent over to pick up the buns and place them back in the brown paper bag his wife's former flame had just dropped. "Here you go."

"Uh, thank you, " the scientist replied in his usual monotone, before shaking his head. "Oh, where are my manners? Congratulations to you both. I'm sorry for intruding your privacy. I should go."

You watched in silence as he fished the spare key of your apartment from his pocket, and placed it on the table before walking out the door. You felt the weight of your guilt vanish as he took one step after another away from you, and when he finally closed the door behind him, you knew for certain you weren't going to see him again. 

One down, two to go. 

10:30 am

LFG was bustling with activity as the employees went about their daily grind. On the top floor, the CEO paced back and forth in his office. He had been feeling restless since last night, but he had no idea why. Throughout the sleepless night, he typed messages to you several times but never sent them. He smiled wryly at the thought that you might be getting the wrong impression once again. 

But you had an appointment with him at ten in the morning, and you were never late for your meetings. Until today. 

His head snapped when he heard the light rap at his door. Soon after, you poked your head in to check if he was busy or not. 

"You're late, " he said, not sparing you a glance. 

"Yes, and I'm sorry, " you replied silently, as you entered the room.

He looked up from his paperwork and sat back. "Not offering an excuse for me this time?"

"I have none, " you said. "But I have an explanation."

"Do you know? Let's hear it, " he gestured with his hand, encouraging you to speak up. 

You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself. Though he never admitted it, you always felt that he treated you differently - like you actually mattered to him - and what you were about to say to him would probably break his heart. 

"I… I… well, I…"

He frowned as you stammered, and he watched you twist your fingers together. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, " you nodded. "The truth is, I was gonna send Anna to take my place today, but I thought that would be improper."

He narrowed his eyes as you spoke, silently assessing what could be wrong. And then he saw it - a faint glimmer as the light hit your wedding band. "I see, " he said. "I have to change my evaluation of you. Up to now, I thought you were the worst idiot to walk this earth. Apparently, there's someone even stupider than you…"

"Hey -"

"Who's the unlucky man?"

"His name is Gavin, he's a police officer, and he makes me happy, " you replied, stressing on every word to get the message through. 

The twenty-eight-year-old executive was silent for a while. He knew the guy - he was rough around the edges, but he was an extremely talented Evol Agent, probably the best in the force. He sighed in resignation. 

"Well, I suppose I owe you a present for your wedding, " he finally said as he took out an envelope from his drawer and tossed it across his desk to you. 

Curiously, you opened it and saw two tickets to a Carribean cruise. He watched as your eyes widened and your lips stretched to a smile - the widest and most beautiful you've given by far. As you held the tickets in your hand, he felt his heart sink. He did intend to give those to you today, but he had hoped it was him you'd be taking with you on your well-deserved vacation, but fate wasn't so kind. 

"Now get out of my office and tell Anna to come. You need to go on a proper honeymoon as commoners do."

"You know you could be less of a jerk about it, " you said, faking a frown. In reality, you felt relief wash over you as the regular rhythm of your banter returned. "Thank you for these, Victor!"

He waved you off and waited until you closed the door before he picked up his phone. 

"Goldman, I'll be taking the rest of the day off today. Cancel my appointments. I won't be reachable for the next twenty-four hours."

One more to go…

2:30 pm

On your way to pick up Gavin, you made one last detour to B.S. Entertainment. Kiro was guesting in your new talk show tonight, but you wouldn't be around to watch it so you thought of cheering him on early. 

As you made your way up the elevator, you silently wished he wasn't shooting anywhere today. 

"I didn't expect to see you this early. Have you come to pick up Kiro?"

You smiled as his agent greeted you quite warmly. Normally, he'd be too swamped with phone calls to even nod at your direction. 

"Quiet day today?"

"It's quiet now. It was crazy this morning, " he replied, scratching his head. "If you want to see him, he's in the studio rehearsing for tonight."

An enchanting melody filled the air as you walked to the recording studio. You recognize the sound - Canon in D - your favorite, being played beautifully on a solo violin. You snuck inside the closed room and were immediately entranced by the vision before you - Kiro with his eyes closed, playing so exquisitely, you couldn't help but applaud when he finished. 

"Hey! When did you get here, Miss Chips?"

You laughed at his term of endearment, which he never seemed to get rid of, after all this time. 

"That was so amazing, Kiro!"

He blushed slightly and then regained his composure. "Of course, it is. I'm rehearsing because I'm playing your favorite tune tonight," he said, as he bounded over to you. "So what brings you here this early?"

The earnest look in his eyes made you want to cry. You haven't been anything more than friends, yet it felt like you were going to do something horrible and your heart couldn't take that. 

"Hey…, " the superstar said, taking your hand in his. 

You notice his eyes widen as the cool metal of your band touched his palm, and he suddenly brought your left hand up to inspect closely. 

"New ring, Miss Chips? It's cute… and it almost looks like a wedding ring…"

You cleared your throat. "That's because it is."

As his gaze drifted from the hand he was holding to meet yours, you could have sworn you saw a tinge of hurt in those blue eyes for a split second, and he forced a bright smile on his face to cover it up. 

"Really? That's amazing!"

"Yeah, it is. He's a great guy. I wish you could meet him, " you trailed off, as you let his hand go. "But anyway, I'm here now because I won't be able to come to the show later. We're going on a trip for a few days, so I thought I'd come to cheer for you before I go."

"Aww… You didn't have to do that, " he joked, messing up your hair. "But thank you for dropping by. I- 'll dedicate the song I play later to you."

"That's so sweet of you, " you beamed. "Thank you, Kiro!"

"No problem, " he said, his smile plastered upon his handsome face. "So, I guess I won't be seeing you for a while."

"Yes, but I'll bring you back a souvenir from our trip!"

"I'm sure you'll have lots of fun, " he mused happily. 

"I sure will, " you seconded. "But right now, I gotta go. Gavin should have been done filing his leaves by now."

"Yeah. Well, take care and don't overeat!"

"I'm not you, Kiro, " you called out as you waved and turned to exit the room, your head on the clouds as you thought of your trip with Gavin. So caught up in your daydream, you failed to notice the smile disappear from the pop star's face, as he brought his hand up to brush away his tears. 

7:30 pm

Willow texted that Kiro was up next, so you turned on the television to listen to him play.

"I'm still surprised we got a present from one of your business partners on such short notice, " Gavin said, as helped you pack. "Pretty lucky, huh?"

"I'm pretty lucky, " you replied, hugging him from behind. "Because I'm married to the best guy ever!"

He chuckled. "Is that so?"

"Of course. Where can you find a guy who would shop with you without a complaint, carry all the bags, and then help me pack for our honeymoon?"

"Mmh… either he's great or he's just crazy for you, " he said, turning around slightly to plant a kiss on your forehead. 

"And speaking of great, he's pretty great in bed, too." 

He smiled at your sly comment and straightened up. "Is he now?"

"Absolutely."

"And do you care to give him another chance to show how great he is in bed right now?"

Throwing your arms around his neck, you stand on the tips of your toes until your lips hovered just below his. "I thought you'd never ask, Babe."

In the background, you could hear that the host had just turned the floor over to Kiro and that he was going to perform anytime now. But all that was forgotten as your lips hungrily sought Gavin's, and he matched your passion with his. He made quick work of your clothes until you were stripped down to your panties. He lowered you in bed and kissed every single part of you, as Kiro played for the audience, a song he dedicated to you. 

A few doors down, Lucien lay on his bed, attempting to read while the TV was on. The apartment felt unusually cold and empty tonight and the Finale of Tchaikovsky’s 6th symphony that Kiro played beautifully on the violin did nothing to lighten the mood. He sighed and dropped his book, defeated. While it pained him to admit, he had everything and let it go - and now he had nothing. Nothing without you. 

Down the road, Victor took another shot of whiskey and asked his personal bartender to refill his glass once more. He lost count of how many glasses he's had as he played billiards by himself. The bartender turned up the volume to listen to Kiro's performance, and he paused briefly to listen. He'd never felt regret until now - for treating her the way he did, for not being honest about his feelings… for not having the power to turn back time and change things - for if he did, then he would've been the man she was making love to at this moment. 

And as Kiro played the last chords of the symphony, he finally allowed his tears to fall. 

[acti-veg]

Hi, i'd like to know how you would respond to a criticism like this. So, sometimes i'll see people on instagram working with animal conservationists or charities and someone will comment "what about all the poor people in that country? How are you helping them?" Implying you're a bad person for picking a cause for animals instead of humans. It's almost as if it is better to do nothing at all if you're not focusing on a human issue. I've thought that if that was directed at me i would have said

(2) Well, if i support an anti-child abuse charity, does that mean i don’t care or am a bad person for not focusing on a teen suicide instead?“ The answer is of course not. If i was (i’m using ‘i’ as an example) helping abused children, of course i wouldn’t be a bad person. No one would accuse me of not caring about humans. I know this is because people don’t view animals as important as humans, sp i don’t know how to approach this. I have trouble articulating my points. Their goal is to get the

(3) vegan to say or admit that vegans in general don’t care about unfortunate humans or something like that. It’s supposed to stump the person and it works because the people being questioned about their animal charity work either don’t reply or brush off the question because they are scared to simply say “because this is the charity i chose”. They are worried they will offend people or sound like a privileged vegan. How would you respond to this situation? I may need it myself in the future

This has been a classic sidetracking technique for decades, it’s used on advocates of just about every cause. Feminists are asked why they’re not campaigning for men, civil rights advocates are asked why they don’t care about white people, people advocating for refugees or against world poverty are told we need to “look after our own can first.” Crucially, this is almost never said by anyone who is actually advocating for any of these causes, because any activist of any kind knows the kind of work that goes into it, and understands that it’s just not possible to advocate for all causes at once. We pick a cause which particularly means something to us or where we think we will have an impact, and we focus on it, there is nothing wrong with that. 

My standard response is to turn the question back on them. “Okay, so which cause have you chosen to be an advocate for?” 9/10 this will stump them, but if they do manage to answer, say, veterans or whatever, you might respond with something like “That’s a really important cause, I think it’s great that you do that. Tell me though, what would you say if when you were collecting money or raising awareness for veterans, and someone came up to you and asked you why you aren’t advocating for children in poverty instead?” 

This sort of questioning can then lead in to a wider discussion about advocacy. We don’t have a limited capacity for compassion, of course we can care about more than one issue at a time, and devoting your time to a specific cause is just obviously how it has to be done, you can’t organise a protest which simultaneously raises awareness for all issues at once. This argument also fails to recognise how connected all oppression is, it is all based on this fundamental idea that some lives are worth less than others, and it operates under similar ideological arguments. We can’t fight oppression in isolation, activism has to be inclusive. We wouldn’t ask a civil rights advocate why they don’t give a shit about animals because it’s obviously an inappopriate question, and the fact that they’re advocating for equal rights for other humans very obviously doesn’t mean they don’t care about rights for animals.

Ultimately, this argument is nothing more than their attempt to shut us up, but you can’t just come out and say that, you need to lead them to realising the absurdity of it on their own, by flipping the question back on them. I had a very aggressive man come up to me at an outreach event in my city once, we were offering vegan cupcakes and giving out leaflets, just talking to people about veganism and offering resources. He stormed up to me asking me how I could waste my time on animals with so many homeless people sleeping rough in the city. I told him that the group I’m with today actually does outreach work giving out plant based foods to the homeless, and asked him if he’d like to join us. He told me to fuck off. Make no mistake, these people don’t actually care about whatever cause they say you should be focusing on, they just don’t want you to advocate for the animals which they want to eat.

[devaigh]

The Winner

Chapter 3

Much ❤❤ to my wonderful beta @sassenachbydesign for all her help, and for talking things through with me. This story would not be possible without her.

“There's my girl.”  Claire smiled wide as her daughter descended the last few steps. “I was starting to wonder where you had gone”

“Oh, no where. I was just... showing some of the guests to their rooms.” Brianna motioned absently behind her.

“I see. It seems like almost everyone has arrived, yes?”

“I think so.”

Claire linked arms with her daughter, leading them outside towards the wide terrace. “Well since the guest are mostly settled, I thought you could help me with something.”

Brianna raised an eyebrow. “And what exactly would that be?”

“I have a surprise for Roger. I assumed you would like to help me with it.” Claire grinned. “I have it hidden away for now. I happened to come across something that he would find interesting. But it looks like I will have to show you later.” She inclined her head. “I think someone is looking for you.”

Brianna followed her gaze, her own blue eyes lighting up when she saw  Roger. Her mother was right, as soon as Roger caught her eye, he hurried over, greeting Brianna with a soft kiss.

“Hello again, Dr. Randall.”

“Roger, please I've told you to call me Claire”

Roger blushed. “Aye, I'm sorry Claire.”

“Forgiven.” Claire smiled looking between her daughter and future son-in-law. “How about I leave you two, and I'll see you both this evening at dinner? You should both take some time for yourselves before things get too crazy around here. Just don't be late.”

“We won't Mama.” Brianna leaned over giving her mother a kiss on the cheek. “We'll see you later.”

“Aye, tonight.” Roger grinned, pulling Brianna close to his side. She fit neatly under his arm. “Right now, if you'll excuse us, I would verra much like to have Bree to myself a bit.”

“I suppose it's alright.” Claire teased. “Just behave both of you. We have a lot of guests, so make sure you're both back in time. We don't want to keep them waiting.”

Claire waved them off as she turned to go back to the beach house. She took a deep breath, enjoying the warm, salty air. It had been awhile since she had had a proper vacation.

For the last several years, it seemed as if she hardly left the hospital at all. Now she had two glorious weeks on a private beach in the south of France.

Claire fully intended on enjoying herself, even if she did have a wedding to see through.

A sudden movement from one of the balconies caught her eye. Twisting, she held one hand up, trying to see; the early afternoon sun was in her eyes. She could only make out what appeared to be a huge, hulking shadow, as it crossed her face. Blinking the sun from her eyes, she turned back towards the wide breezy porch and disappeared once more inside.

**********

Jamie stood frozen on the balcony of his room, his eyes locked on the point where Claire had just vanished. He could feel the rough, weathered wood of the railing give slightly under his hand as his fingers wrapped tightly around it.

Seeing her, moving so gracefully around the the edges of the beach with her lovely nest of curls floating around her face, simply stole his breath.

She looked just as lovely as the last time he saw her, when he kissed her goodbye. Jamie could feel the bitter sting of tears pricking at his eyes. With a huff, he shook his head, clearing his thoughts.

Did he truly had any claim on her after all these years?

What he could even say to her?

No, he reminded himself. He was here for one reason only. To see his newly found daughter wed. It was the least he could do for the lass. He would stay, for Brianna, and then take his leave.

It was probably what was best for everyone.

***************

“This place is beautiful LJ. How did you ladies ever decide to stay here?”

Clare laughed, “Well honestly, I've always loved this part of France. I used to come here with my Uncle when I was a little girl.  We would always stay in villas like these for a few weeks each summer. It was one tradition we always kept.” she shrugged. “I myself haven't actually been here in years. When Brianna suggested it, I guess I just went along.”

“So Bree made the suggestion.”

“She did. I don't quite know where she got the idea, but I have to say, I think it was a great change.”

“You deserve a vacation LJ. You work too hard.” Joe said, his eyes serious. “You never take time for yourself. I know Bree is your whole world outside the hospital, but she's grown now. She's about to be married. You should start thinking about you again. Maybe find you a man...”

“Joe..” Claire slumped in her chair. “Please, I have no reason to think of anything like that.” She rolled her eyes. “I haven't been with anyone since Frank, and that's the last thing I want to consider!”

It was true.

Claire's relationship with the older Professor was one that still left her sore. A quick whirlwind of a romance that still left a bitter taste in her mouth. She knew that her hasty marriage had only been the painful product of her shattered heart and discovery of her pregnancy. Yet she still had agreed. Had it not been for Brianna... Well, Claire still wasn't sure what she would have done.  Moving to Boston had been her way of putting her past behind her. It was a way to start over, and discover what she truly wanted.

That's how she had met Joe.

Three years after moving across the pond, Claire had started medical school. It had long been a dream, something she had wanted for as long as she could remember.  At first, it had been somewhat easy with Frank around, despite his annoyance at her studies. Frank had wanted Claire to remain at home, which had caused a lot of their fights.  

When they had finally split, Claire  felt only a sense of relief.

She could finally pursue what she wanted, and while her daughter went to school, Claire would be in classes as well, usually until it was time to pick Bree up. Then, once she would drop her off with the sitter, Claire would work nights as a nurse at the local hospital.

It was a long, exhausting few years. When she met Joe, she had found a friend she could rely on. When sitters were difficult to find, Joe's wife Gail would take Brianna, sleeping from Claire's arms, refusing to take any sort of payment as Claire was ushered to class or work. Between the two, Claire had kept herself and her daughter fed, and safe. She had no idea how she had made it through school without them.

By the time she had graduated, Brianna was almost in the double digits. Then her routine was mostly worked around her daughter. As a single parent, Claire was forced to work odd hours, until Brianna was old enough to stay home alone.

“I'm doing just fine, on my own Joe.”  Claire said, brushing away her thoughts.

“I never said you weren't LJ. I only said you need to do something for you. You have a lot to offer anyone.”  Joe stood then, patting Claire on the shoulder. “I hate to run, but I need to go see where Gail went.”

“Of course. You both should get some rest. It's a long way from Boston.”

“See you at dinner?”

Claire smiled. “Absolutely. Thanks Joe.”

“My pleasure LJ.”

**************

Claire stood on the edge of the terrace, her long dress billowing around her. Her eyes were closed,  her face tipped up to catch the fading sunlight. She could taste the salt in the air around her, feel the weight as it tangled in her curls. A deep rich aroma floated towards her from somewhere along the beach, it reminded her of dinner.

Soon she thought, soon she would turn back inside and change for the large dinner planned for all the wedding guests.

Despite the exitement surrounding the festivities, Claire found herself longing for more of the quiet moments. She looked forward to when the wedding was over, everyone was gone, and she could spend a few days to herself before she went back to her life.

Claire yanked off the wide straw hat she wore, seeking the warmth of the fading light. Her shoulders had gone slightly pink since she arrived, but she found she didn't care. Her normally creamy skin had started to freckle just so. She rubbed her arm lightly, amused how the lightest touch of her fingers left a brief imprint. She would need to remember her sunscreen.

“Careful there. I'd no like to see ye burned.”

Claire froze. The sound of the voice behind her thrumming through her. Her eyes shot open, wide and alarmed. As if in slow motion, she turned, her brow eyes automaticity looking up, locking her gaze on the man she never thought she'd see again.

“It's nice to see ye, Sassenach.”

[windupantenna]

since the beginning of this year, i’ve been trying to “clean my room”: to reintegrate myself into a stable space after years of dorms and apartments and short-lived semesters in what i thought would be my safe place; to reflect on the versions of myself that have passed, to make space for the person i am now, and to prepare for the person i am ever becoming.

it’s been rough. five years’ worth of boxes and belongings shuttled between cities hundreds of miles apart, as well as remnants of the childhood that preceded, loomed before me. more accurately, they haunted me. i knew what i wanted but had no idea where to start.

there’s been so many things i’ve been working on this year too, somehow all threaded together in the baby steps of progress i’ve made in remodeling my room. the restoration of my living space has become a reflection of my restoration of self — post-2020, post-fire, post-illness, post-college, post-childhood, and on and on. it’s been as much a project of the soul as a project on my mind.

many months came and passed in frustration as i never made the progress i’d hoped for. i’d pick up one corner, try to organize one drawer, and run into another problem, another mess, that i had to confront before i could move forward. and it always took too much out of me, i always had to put it off again. i felt so stuck. stuck with myself, and the history of that self materialized in the disaster of my room.

but since the summer, something’s shifted. the past two months have been some of the most emotionally devastating i’ve endured, yet this sense that something *good* has been working beneath that pain grew ever stronger. i’ve had this feeling since the summer, and all of the terrible and wonderful things that have happened have only felt like proof of its realization.

and here, in this picture, is proof of my progress: fanart on my walls. that has been my goal all year, to just get the art back on my walls. whenever moving in to a new space throughout college, my first priority was to adorn my walls with posters. it’s what makes it feel like a home — *my* home, a room built out of myself. a reflection of myself… i've always been captivated by mirror reflections. as a kid i'd always get distracted while brushing my teeth, watching myself make expressions and move in real time as if i was a stranger seeing myself for the first time. (i still do that, actually. sometimes with an unwilling cat in my arms. Imao) i can't put my finger on exactly why, but i think it's because it is the closest i could get to observing myself, outside of myself.

earlier on in my college years, i'd put up a beautiful mirror from mexico in the entrance of my room. i rarely saw it during the academic year, but whenever i came home for breaks, i saw it often. every time i walked into my room, i was greeted by my reflection in that mirror; and every time i left, i passed by that beautifully framed reflection of myself.

now i realize that's what i've been making out of my room - a reflection of myself. when i walk through the door, when i sit at my desk, when i lie in bed, everything around me is a reflection of my favorite parts of myself - the stories and characters and artistry and words that have embedded themselves in my heart. they remind me of the things i create, the places i have gone, the people i have met, and the person i've become. they remind me of what makes me, me.

and though there's plenty more to be done, i want to take a moment to celebrate. because after fighting myself all year through the allegory of my room, i've finally found home….. both in this messy bedroom, and within my ever- growing self.

I'm ready to create again.

posted November 27th, 2021 to my personal Instagram

[minor edits made, video of my room omitted.]