#I guess they’re technically related to the green blue people so it works

[muttbotkibble]

Feferis goggles are horrific looks like she accidentally put goggles that are too small and her eyes got sucked in and she can’t take it off or else her eyes will fall out

[miraculouscontent]

Who wants more sad statistics~?

Because say hello to the color-coded guide to Marinette blame/mistakes! Obviously there’s some room for debate (even I struggled with how to color an episode from time to time), but it should be mostly accurate.

Blue = "Marinette wasn't really blamed for anything notable and didn't really suffer from Adrien" Cyan = "Marinette was blamed for something unrelated to Adrien that she didn't do/she shouldn't be made to feel bad for" (this one is probably the most subjective) Green = "Marinette was blamed/made a mistake but it had nothing to do with Adrien" Yellow = "Marinette doesn't technically make a mistake or get blamed, but is negatively impacted by her crush on/relationship to Adrien" Red = "Marinette either was blamed for/made a mistake that related to Adrien."

"Negatively impacted by her crush on Adrien" could mean generally anything, but it leans towards Marinette embarrassing herself in front of Adrien, characters making snippy/unnecessary comments about her crush, and things that wouldn't have happened if her Adrien crush didn't exist. In the case that Marinette makes a mistake/is improperly blamed for something not about Adrien (cyan/green) but also is negatively impacted by her relationship to him (yellow), whatever is given more attention will take priority. There could've easily been a lot of cyan+red episodes had I allowed myself to use two colors.

Now look at all that red, which is easily the most frequent color, and then try and tell me that Marinette's crush isn't just a tool to humiliate her and force her to make mistakes in order to fit the "Marinette makes a mistake" quota.

I've put the explanations below on my decisions for each episode, as well as the tally for everything together:

Season 1

"Stormy Weather" (red) - Marinette blames herself for leaving Manon, and they're only at the park in the first place because of her Adrien crush.

"The Bubbler" (red) - Marinette uses Lucky Charm explicitly to stop Chloe and Adrien from dancing together.

"The Pharoah" (green) - Ladybug drops her schoolbook; relatively minor in the grand scheme of things, but seems to be why the show forces Marinette to awkwardly try to keep Alya in the museum instead of just having Tikki directly point out where to go.

"Lady Wifi" (green) - Marinette overslept while doing homework and was late for class

"Timebreaker" (cyan) - Marinette is blamed for not being home to give the cake to Nadja... who came early and thus Marinette shouldn't have been expected to expect her

"Mr. Pigeon" (yellow) - Marinette embarrasses herself in front of Adrien, with Alya making faces at her all the while

"The Evillustrator" (cyan) - Marinette is blamed for ditching Sabrina when she has an akuma to worry about, accused of "being like Chloe" (i.e: the person who Sabrina immediately goes back to anyway)

"Rogercop" (red) - Marinette, after being accused, states that everyone has the potential to be guilty, but sidesteps Adrien when someone suggests it

"Copycat" (red) - Marinette, panicked by an embarrassing confession she left on Adrien's phone (thanks to Alya), steals it to delete the message (also thanks to Alya)

"Dark Cupid" (red) - Marinette forgets to sign the love letter addressed to Adrien, which Alya laughs at her for

"Horrificator" (red) - Marinette is pressured/convinced to play Mylene's role instead when Alya throws out that she'd be kissing Adrien

"Darkblade" (cyan) - Marinette doesn't want to run for class representative because she already has enough on her plate (...what a monster?); both Alya and Alix make snarky comments at her for this

"The Mime" (green) - Marinette deletes a video on Alya phone and spends the rest of the episode trying to recreate it

"Kung Food" (cyan) - Marinette blames herself for defending her great uncle and insulting Chloe (again... what a monster?), which leads to Chloe sabotaging Wang's cooking

"Gamer" (red) - Marinette enters the gaming competition solely for Adrien

"Animan" (yellow) - Marinette offers to get Nino a date with Alya, an event that wouldn't have taken place if not for Marinette's crush (either there wouldn't have been a zoo trip at all or Alya wouldn't have been there); in addition, Alya tells Nino about Marinette's Adrien crush, which Marinette is distraught by

"Antibug" (cyan) - Ladybug is blamed for "not accepting help from others" (except she did at the beginning of the episode) and not listening to Chloe (who is a habitual liar)

"The Puppeteer" (green) - Marinette folds to Manon's "baby doll eyes" and gives her something that Nadja insisted she not have

"Reflekta" (green) - Marinette tries to steal Guiseppe's SD camera card so Juleka's picture will need retaken

"Pixelator" (red) - Marinette shirks her job as Jagged's gopher in order to get back to Adrien as soon as possible

"Guitar Villain" (blue) - Not much happens, just cool Marinette stuff; there are technically scenes of Marinette embarrassing herself around Adrien, but either no one else was there to witness it or there wasn't any significant reaction to it

"Princess Fragrance" (red) - Alya forces Marinette to go talk to Adrien, which results in Marinette tripping and losing Tikki

"Simon Says" (cyan) - Marinette... I guess is at fault for struggling to keep up with schoolwork and hero duties? That's what you get for wanting to help people, Ladybug

"Volpina" (red) - Marinette is mocked for being jealous, her following Adrien is presented as her doing it jealously (she literally says that she's going to warn Adrien about Lila stealing the book from him before Tikki stops her, but okay), and she yells at Lila as Ladybug, which is also presented as being "only about Adrien."

"Origins - Part 1 (Ladybug & Cat Noir)" (green) - Ladybug neglects to capture the akuma, having forgotten that detail

"Origins - Part 2 (Stoneheart)" (green) - The mistake from Part 1 carries over... the episode also may or may not blame Marinette for encouraging Ivan.

blue - 1 cyan - 6 green - 7 yellow - 2 red - 10

Season 2

"A Christmas Special" (red) - Marinette's "Adrien blindness" causes her to jump to conclusions and believe that a Santa Claus lookalike is an akuma

"The Collector" (red) - Marinette lies to Master Fu in order to protect Adrien, not able to believe that Adrien could be Hawk Moth

"Despair Bear" (red) - Marinette goes to Chloe's party for Adrien and is repeatedly mocked/teased for this

"Prime Queen" (cyan) - Ladybug "makes a mistake" in getting upset at Nadja for trying to pry into her romantic relationships and her potential romance with Chat Noir

"Befana" (cyan) - Marinette is blamed for "lying" to her grandmother about going to a birthday party with her friends (she didn't) and "not wanting to spend time with her" (she did, Gina is the one who neglected Marinette for literal years)

"Riposte" (cyan) - One of the more subjective ones, but going frame-by-frame, Adrien's saber bends first yet the episode calls Marinette "flustered" and "new to fencing" to say that she's wrong in her choice

"Robostus" (blue) - Mostly free of crush and mistakes, episode focuses primarily on the main plot of the akuma being caused (if I had a color for Marinette just normally being mocked/embarrassed though, it'd be here)

"Gigantitan" (red) - Needs no explanation: Marinette is embarrassed in front of the girls multiple times and the entire subplot causes the akuma that almost hits Gorilla

"The Dark Owl" (green) - Ladybug orchestrates a situation in which the Dark Owl could save her so as to not hurt his feelings, which ends in him being found out, humiliated, and akumatized

"Glaciator" (red) - Marinette is upset because Adrien didn't show up to get ice cream with her, which leads to her blowing up on Andre

"Sapotis" (blue) - Marinette goes largely blameless for everything; not much here

"Gorizilla" (yellow) - Multiple "jokes"/"mocking" about Marinette revealing skin/being in her pajamas in front of Adrien

"Captain Hardrock" (blue) - Surprisingly void of blame on Marinette despite her being depressed over Adrien; if anything, Luka apologizes for making a teasing comment when she was upset

"Zombizou" (cyan) - Marinette is blamed for being upset with Chloe for ruining her gift for Miss Bustier

"Syren" (cyan) - Ladybug is blamed for keeping secrets from Chat Noir (look at the Adrien stans for reference)

"Frightningale" (red) - Marinette is bothered by Chloe being Ladybug, but Adrien is involved so the fandom can easily put blame on her concerning her Adrien crush (see Marinette salters for reference)

"Troublemaker" (red) - Marinette's Adrien pictures are intentionally inflated/exaggerated to humiliate her more

"Anansi" (green) - I wouldn't argue if someone suggested that this is a cyan: Marinette "makes a mistake" in cheating Nora's arm-wrestle with Nino since Nora was being unreasonable

"Sandboy" (green) - Marinette agrees with Tikki that they should do something to help Nooroo without asking Fu

"Reverser" (cyan) - Marinette peeks at Marc's work and tries to help him work with Nathaniel (I see, so when Alya meddles to push Marinette past her comfort zone, it's fine, but--); she also embarrasses herself in front of Adrien over this

"Frozer" (red) - Marinette suffers because Adrien's an idiot and has tons of people in relationships to ask advice from, and he chooses to ask Marinette; Marinette appears to be "blamed" for either wanting to move on (due to the girls fighting) or agreeing to go with Adrien, along with a "bonus" (almost earning a cyan) due to Chat throwing a hissy fit over her rejecting him

"Style Queen" (cyan) - Marinette is blamed for thinking that the magic ladybugs would bring the miraculous back to Fu (see "Sentibubbler" covering for Chat for reference on how the narrative sees this)

"Queen Wasp" (cyan) - Carried over from "Style Queen"; Ladybug is blamed for losing the miraculous

"Malediktator" (red) - Marinette is made to feel bad for being glad that her bully of many years is gone (almost earning a cyan here, or even a yellow), and this is all due to Adrien; he also unintentionally convinces her to give Chloe a miraculous (her "mistake" according to future episodes), which sets off a slew of events that makes her suffer

"Catalyst" (cyan) - Alya not believing Marinette due to her Adrien crush carries over from "Volpina," almost earning this a red, but Marinette also lies about her gift for Heroes' Day. However, the fact that she is completely sleep-deprived from the night before and was being made fun of for only bringing macarons is largely ignored by the narrative and treated too much as her fault

"Mayura" (red) - When going to correct her mistake from last episode, Adrien throwing a pity party for himself makes Marinette go back on it

blue - 3 cyan - 9 green - 3 yellow - 1 red - 10

Season 3

"Backwarder" (red) - Marinette gives Adrien the wrong letter (due to each slip of paper she has conveniently looking the exact same but the episode clearly indicates it to be her fault); she's also humiliated over this

"Weredad" (cyan) - Marinette lies to Chat Noir in a panic to protect her identity. The fact that Chat Noir is an idiot who wonders why Marinette might be on her own darn balcony and that Tikki doesn't offer a better solution for the situation is given no attention

"Chameleon" (red) - Alya believing that Marinette is only upset with Lila over Adrien presumably carries over from "Volpina" and "Catalyst;" Marinette's relationship with Adrien also seems to make her more inclined to believe in what he says about doing nothing about Lila

"Animaestro" (red) - No explanation needed; Marinette's Adrien crush makes her more inclined to believe Chloe (remember "Malediktator" and "Zombizou"?) when Chloe claims that Kagami stole her seat next to Adrien, which convinces Marinette to team up with Chloe against Kagami, and this leads to Marinette being embarrassed over her crush

"Bakerix" (green) - Marinette makes a mistake in... I guess riling up her grandfather? (this one's pretty subjective and I wouldn't argue with anyone who says this should be cyan)

"Silencer" (blue) - Regardless of what "Crocoduel" says, Marinette isn't blamed in this episode for challenging Bob Roth

"Oblivio" (cyan) - Marinette seems to weirdly be blamed/punished for getting upset with Chat Noir if the smugness of Chat+Alya about the taken picture is to be believed (perhaps """explained""" in "Reflekdoll" about Chat having his role to play as the "sense of humor")

"Stormy Weather 2" (yellow) - Marinette spends a portion of the episode sulking about the little progress she's made with Adrien

"Reflekdoll" (red) - Needs no explanation: Marinette's anxiety is caused by Adrien and she's blamed for it despite Alya orchestrating everything

"Oni-Chan" (red) - Marinette chases after Adrien and Lila, which is made to be completely about Marinette's crush on Adrien despite Marinette telling Tikki about her actual concerns (which end up coming true as Kagami gets akumatized)

"Miraculer" (cyan) - Chat gets snippy with Ladybug for not telling Chloe right away (apparently assuming that Ladybug doesn't have other obligations to attend to like school; she even tells Chat that she "wouldn't have time that day"), and Ladybug was literally about to before the sentimonster and Miraculer show up

"The Puppeteer 2" (red) - Marinette repeatedly pushed and punished for liking Adrien, then punished again in front of Adrien (who she thinks is a statue) when she was actually just taking the advice that Tikki gave her

"Desperada" (red) - The guitar scene (i.e: "huh, who would've known that my wingwoman for Adrien was actually trying to wingwoman me with Luka one time!"), Aspik (i.e: "wow, the guy who I thought was perfect because that's what the narrative is always telling me actually doesn't fit what the narrative was telling me!"), and that's all I need to say

"Startrain" (blue) - Mostly mistakeless on Marinette's end; the focus is on other characters/plots (again, if I had a color for Marinette being mocked/embarrassed though, it'd also go here)

"Kwamibuster" (blue) - Marinette isn't blamed for anything; even though Master Fu isn't aware of the events at first, Tikki apologizes to Marinette in front of him later

"Feast" (yellow) - Marinette is briefly distracted by Adrien until Alya chides her so that she can show Marinette the information she might as well have hand-delivered to Hawk Moth

"Ikari Gozen" (red) - Marinette tries to sabotage her and Kagami to prevent Kagami from meeting up with Adrien

"Timetagger" (cyan) - Tikki notes Marinette's bad excuses (which are due to the sheer amount of akuma) to the point where Alya had replaced her as babysitter before Marinette explained that she couldn't show up (I wouldn't argue with anyone who said this should be blue instead)

"Party Crasher" (red) - Marinette tries to crash the secret boys-only party in order to spend time with Adrien

"Gamer 2.0" (cyan) - Marinette+Ladybug is blamed for being upset that they have no time for anything, with Ladybug in particular "making the mistake" of taking over and failing due to Chat constantly goofing off despite her urging

"Chat Blanc" (red) - Marinette is pressured/threatened by the girl squad (specifically Rose) enough that she decides to sneak into Adrien's house

"Felix" (yellow) - Marinette, after "finally" confessing to Adrien (for like--the fourth time), ends up running off and rambling in front of Luka (not knowing that he's there), which embarrasses her

"Ladybug" (red) - Alya's doubts of Marinette's hatred of Lila (implied in "Volpina" and stated in "Catalyst" to be about her crush on Adrien) carries over as Alya chides Marinette for blaming Lila, and had Marinette not listened to Adrien in "Chameleon," Lila may have been stopped early on and she wouldn't have gotten expelled (otherwise, the episode would've gotten a "cyan" because how dare Marinette be emotional at being accused of cheating and get angry at Lila)

"Christmaster" (red) - Marinette lies to Chris (in the exact way that Alya does to Manon in "Stormy Weather" but sure) in order to protect her darn privacy so Chris doesn't find out about her chest full of Adrien gifts, which leads to Chris getting akumatized

"Heart Hunter" (red) - Ladybug neglects to detransform due to being distracted by Adrimi happening, which leads to long-lasting and overly harsh consequences

"Miracle Queen" (red) - Ladybug's mistake carries over from the previous episode

blue - 3 cyan - 5 green - 1 yellow - 3 red - 14

Total: blue - 7 cyan - 20 green - 11 yellow - 6 red - 34

[deadbiwrites]

a video of supergirl grabbing lena luthor's ass starts circulating and it's very embarrassing for sc but extremely funny to their friends

(I am SO sorry. Where do these hide? Why do I never see them? How long has this been here?!

Anyways, have some cute nonsense!)

The day starts like any other, honestly.

Like, sure, Kara’s never thrilled when she wakes up 20 minutes late and has to use superspeed to get through her morning routine and into the office on time, but it happens regularly enough that she’s just sort of used to it by now. Like, the sky is blue, the grass is green, she manages time poorly. Whatever.

But she does get to work on time, with just enough to spare that she can make a brief detour to Nia’s desk for the coffee her protege has already bought for her, thank her profusely (with perhaps minor promising of firstborn children), and slip into the morning meeting just as Snapper, James, and Lena start handing out assignments for the day.

��Well, well, good of you to join us, Ponytail. Let me guess, a family emergency kept you out all night again?”

‘I mean, that Abraxian wasn’t my family, technically, but someone’s family, so…’ “Something like that. Sorry.”

Lena catches her eye and quirks a brow in question, but Kara just shrugs easily and sips her coffee, pulling a silly face at her friend when Snapper’s attention moves away from her. When her eyes uncross, she can tell Lena is fighting not to laugh, eyes sparking with mirth as she bites her lip. Kara takes another sip of coffee, feeling a bit smug that she can get Lena to smile without even having to say anything to her. That’s real talent, right there.

Especially since Lena has to stand up at the front with James, who has been by turns cold, dejected, and surly toward her since their breakup (a big, real, final one) a few weeks prior. Lena had said that the whole thing was a mistake, that she should’ve never gone for it in the first place because she’d been right the first time- they’d had some chemistry, after all, but it certainly wasn’t compatible long-term. 

Which… Kara can certainly relate. Like, a lot.

Especially about the whole… James being kind of wounded about it part. That part had really sucked- when he’d done it with Kara, who he’d gone on like, a date with, it’d resulted in him deciding to become a vigilante. Rao only knows what he’ll do when it’s someone he dated on and off for over a year...

“Ponytail!”

Kara jumps, realizing too late that her wandering attention hasn’t gone unnoticed. “Yes, sir?”

Snapper rolls his eyes. “Great, now that you’ve stopped orbiting Saturn, you wanna go get that article started?”

Kara’s eyes widen slightly in a panic as she realizes that she has no idea what he’s talking about. “Uh…” Behind his back, Lena catches her eye and nods subtly. Thank Rao. “Yes. I super do.”

Lena snorts, James sighs deeply, and the meeting is adjourned.

**

“So what exactly am I supposed to be doing today?” Kara asks Lena as they stroll out of the conference room together.

“Well unfortunately for you, you have to interview a big-time CEO. You have a meeting scheduled with her in three hours.”

“You?” Kara asks hopefully.

“You’re very sweet,” Lena chuckles. “No, Elena Watts. She’s a real estate developer, and she runs a nonprofit organization for homeless youth. It’s one of the articles we’re doing for next month’s spread. Contrary to popular belief, Cat and I weren’t the only women with high-profile jobs in this city. ”

“Oh, that’s pretty cool! Have you met her?”

“Not personally, no, but I have donated to her charity- it’s a very good cause, especially the outreach they do with queer youth.”

Kara elbows Lena gently. “You’re such a softie.”

“Mmm, maybe. But if you tell anyone, you’re fired.”

Kara clutches a hand to her chest, feigning horror. “Why Miss Luthor, what a blatant abuse of power!”

Lena shrugs. “I’m a Luthor, darling, I have to keep up appearances somehow.”

“Ouch,” Kara laughs. “See you at lunch?”

“Only if lunch includes a milkshake- I have a teleconference with both boards today. Unless you feel like joining me?”

“Wow, well as fun as that sounds, I’m gonna go do literally anything else.” Her comms crackle to life, alerting her of a hostage situation downtown, and Kara sighs. So much for a work day. “Alright, well, I’m, um, gonna go… see what I can find on Elena Watts. Maybe over another cup of coffee at Noonan’s.” She widens her eyes a bit, trying her best to convey that she’s going to be on Super-duty for a little while.

Thankfully, Lena picks up on it and grins. “You just want sticky buns.”

“Lena, I always want sticky buns. They’re like, my second favorite thing to eat.”

“Oh? What’s the first?” Lena asks, voice just a bit lower than usual. 

Kara opens her mouth and closes it, flushing slightly as she averts her gaze and adjusts the laptop bag on her shoulder. Stuff like that has been happening more and more, and she’s not 100% sure what to do about it. Because on the one hand, it makes her stomach do flips and tie up in knots and makes her brain do this… staticky thing where nothing filters in or out, just a pleasant buzz of how funny and smart Lena is and how much Kara likes hanging out with her and being flirted with (because that’s definitely what’s been happening, even if neither of them is really ready to address it) and just generally looking at Lena.... who is currently biting her lip and grinning up at Kara, and that buzz makes her kinda dumb, which is just really unhelpful. But on the other hand, it’s also kinda awesome and Kara really enjoys it, and-

“Kara?”

She spaced out again. Crap.

“Um. What time are you free for lunch?”

Lena sighs, seeming slightly disappointed that Kara isn’t flirting back at the moment (and thank Rao Lena can’t read minds), but she smiles back easily enough as they step off of the elevator. “I should be done by two.”

Feeling emboldened, Kara turns so she’s walking backwards in front of Lena and grins. “It’s a date,” she says with a grin, ducking forward to press a quick “friendly” kiss high on Lena’s cheek. She whirls and jogs out the double doors, leaving Lena smiling exasperatedly after her.

**

It is genuinely baffling to Kara that people still commit crimes in National City. It’s not even an ego thing, really, since Kara tries to keep herself humble (even when she manages to wrap up a hostage situation within twenty seconds of arriving on-scene without injuring any of the criminals or damaging the building too badly). Like, yeah, she gets that there’s a certain element of crazies who just sorta gravitate to places with a local hero, the big-bads who have their own suits and geek-toys and abilities. Them, Kara gets. Kinda sorta. But the regular ones, who are armed with like, pistols? Or knives? Just regular man made stuff without even the benefit of magic or kryptonite or something?

Why? 

She’s sure that if she asked, Lena would have some sort of statistical thing about large cities and poverty and all sorts of other factors that would end up making Kara feel like a jerk for being uncharitable to the criminal element of her city, but at the moment she’s mostly too annoyed by the fact that she has to spend her weekdays chasing them around instead of chasing stories.

Once all the hostages are freed and the cops secure the scene, Kara departs, flying into the alley behind Noonan’s and changing into her regular clothes before she heads inside to do a bit of research before her meeting with Elena Watts in a few hours (just because she’d used it as a cover doesn’t mean it was a bad idea…). She finds her favorite little two-person booth tucked into a quiet corner, plugs in her laptop, and gets to work, asking the waitress to please keep both the coffee and the sticky buns coming.

She gets a surprising amount done by the time she needs to leave for the interview, having a good foundation for what she wants to write and who Elena Watts is.

Ms. Watts turns out to be a pretty nice lady around Eliza’s age, if a bit busy and distracted by the steady flow of people in and out of her office. She answers all Kara’s questions with aplomb, happy to elaborate on most every point and eager to draw attention to the rising issue of homelessness among children and teens in the US.

“When I was young, my dad lost his job at the auto plant. It was supposed to be a temporary layoff, but the factory never reopened. We ended up losing the house, and we lived so far from our extended family that staying with them wasn’t much of an option. We lived in our SUV for six months, sleeping at shelters every now and again, if we could find one that allowed families to stay together. We showered at the local YMCA. Five people and a dog, living and sleeping in an old station wagon- even now, it sounds ridiculous. Eventually, we got back on our feet, but I never forgot that. It was just six months, but it was- and remains- the scariest, most uncertain time in my entire life, and it shaped me in a lot of ways I didn’t expect. And there are kids and families who do that for years. I just want to help them the way I wish that someone had been able to help us.”

At the end of the interview, Kara thanks her profusely for her time and for sharing her story before hurrying off to CatCo to type up a draft for Snapper (“What’s wrong with you, Ponytail, why is everything you bring me sappy and sentimental?”), which she finishes an outline of just in time to send it off before running to Big Belly and L-Corp for lunch with Lena.

She greets the newest in a series of secretaries (Anna? Amy? Ava? Lena’s really missing Jess, these days, but from what she’s told Kara, Jess is kicking butt in her new role as VP of Operations and will probably take over for the COO when he retires in a few years), and the girl waves her in distractedly.

And that’s when Kara’s day goes from normal to not, because inside the office are two masked men holding a stone-faced Lena at gunpoint on her balcony and demanding… something, probably. Kara’s a bit distracted by the loaded gun aimed at Lena’s head.

“Hey!” she yells, attracting both their attention. They whirl on her and Lena’s eyes widen in alarm, and Kara suddenly realizes three things- 1) she’s in her Kara Danvers clothes, not the supersuit, 2) she can’t speed into the suit now that they’re both looking at her, and 3) she has no plan.

Crap.

“Who the hell are you?!” one of them demands.

Kara… doesn’t have a good or snappy answer for that, and instead does the only thing she can think of- she throws the large milkshakes she’s carrying at them as hard as she can.

Which, in retrospect, is too hard, apparently because while yes, it is both funny and gratifying to see two grown men get absolutely leveled by a tasty dairy treat to the face, the one closest to Lena manages to elbow her in such a way that she falls backwards over the rail with an instinctual scream that makes Kara’s heart fly into her throat. She whips off her glasses, and by the time she’s out the window and speeding toward Lena’s flailing form, the suit is materialized. She gets under Lena, catching her carefully and dropping a bit further before slowing down (because she’s been made aware that when she doesn’t, the people she’s saving may as well be hitting the pavement), finally coasting to a stop about 20 feet from the ground.

Lena’s face is screwed up in a forced sort of focus, her hands clutching tightly at Kara’s shoulders and cape as she holds her breath.

“Are you okay?” Kara asks quietly.

Lena swallows thickly and nods, eyes still firmly closed. “I’m alright. Thank you- I’ll admit, I wasn’t quite sure how to get out of that one.”

“What was that? What did they want?”

Lena cracks an eye open. “Oh. you know, just my quarterly assassination attempt. I think my mother was starting to miss me, so she wanted to reach out.”

Kara snorts. “That really shouldn’t be funny.”

“Maybe not, but here we are.” Lena shifts a bit in Kara’s arms, cheeks a bit flushed from the adrenaline rush, and clears her throat. “Not to be rude, Supergirl, but do you think that perhaps we could continue this conversation… on the ground?”

“Oh. Oh! Yeah, sorry. I forgot we were, uh, flying.”

Lena chuckles as they ascend slowly back up to her office. “You forgot you were flying?”

Kara shrugs with an easy smile. “I guess you have that effect on me.”

Lena huffs a laugh against Kara’s neck, eyes squeezed shut again. They alight on the balcony, finding the two men still unconscious, covered in Kara and Lena’s lunch. Lena sighs as Kara sets her down, pinching the bridge of her nose. “What a mess.”

“Yeah, sorry, I sorta… panicked.”  

“I was so looking forward to a milkshake too…” Lena laments playfully.

“Well, then I have good news and bad news,” Kara says. She reaches out and gently wipes a bit of her own chocolate shake from Lena’s cheek with the pad of her thumb, tucking it into her mouth on instinct to get a taste of it. “The good news is, you do, in fact, have some shake on you!”

“Whats the bad news?” 

“Also that you have some shake on you.” Kara laughs, gathering the two men in her arms and hefting them a bit so they’re easier to carry. “I’ll get you another one. Be right back.”

She drops the men at the police station with a brief explanation before flying back into the office. Lena hands over her discarded glasses with a wry grin.

“I figured you’d need these before the police arrive.” She’s putting on a brave front, but she’s clearly still more than a bit rattled, if her too-bright eyes and thundering heartbeat are anything to go by. Kara steps closer and opens her arms in invitation, and Lena doesn’t hesitate to step into them. “Thank you,” Lena says fervently, tucking her face into Kara’s shoulder and wrapping her arms tight around Kara’s waist. 

“Always,” Kara promises, daring to press a reassuring kiss to Lena’s temple (and getting a bit of Lena’s strawberry shake for her troubles) before wrapping her up even tighter in her arms. “Are you actually okay?”

“I mean, my fear of heights has been reaffirmed,” Lena jokes, “but aside from that, I’m not hurt.”

“Good. I don’t like, love people pointing guns at you. Just so you know.”

“I’m not a fan either, for the record,” Lena drawls, burrowing even closer. “Even though I know you’ll save me, it still puts a damper on my day.”

Kara huffs a laugh. “Same.”

They stay like that for a few minutes, until Lena’s calmed down enough to stop shaking and calls her assistant (Audra, apparently) in, telling her what’d happened and that the police would be arriving shortly to take her and Kara’s statements, and please advise the security team to let them up discreetly. After the cops arrive, it’s a blur of questions, and Kara has to concentrate on telling the story of how she’d panicked and thrown the milkshakes at the men, and one of them had knocked Lena over the balcony (all true), and Kara had yelled for Supergirl, who had knocked the men out on her way to Lena (also technically mostly true. Technically. Mostly.). The police are sure to tell Kara that next time, she shouldn’t throw things at people with guns, and also to tell them both how lucky they are that Supergirl had shown up when she did.

“She’s always there when I need her,” Lena agrees, throwing a sly wink over the officer’s shoulder at Kara.

Kara just shakes her head and smiles. Even almost dying isn’t enough to make Lena not flirt with her. The woman is truly a marvel.

Kara’s comms crackle again, accompanied by Alex’s custom ringtone on her cell, and after assuring the police that she has no issue with giving another statement if they need her to later, hurries over to the DEO (making a quick stop in the back alley to change into her suit).

**

When Kara arrives, she’s told that J’onn and Alex are waiting for her in the Directors’ offices. She makes her way there, waving to the agents and scientists she knows. But it’s very weird, because every time one of them sees her, they start giggling before quickly hurrying off in the opposite direction. Like, literally everyone is whispering and pointing and giggling, and it’s giving Kara such visceral flashbacks to high school that it’s all she can do to not check her cape for a taped on sign that says ‘Kick me’ or ‘Freak’.

(Kids are mean.)

By the time Kara gets to her destination, she’s fully paranoid, sure that someone’s playing a prank on her, somehow, and that everyone but her is in on the joke. She opens the door with more force than intended and catches it just before the handle puts a hole in the wall, throwing Alex and J’onn a sheepish smile. She closes the door extra gently and leans against it heavily. J’onn and Alex just stare at her, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

“Busy day, Supergirl?” Alex asks, and after half a lifetime of spending time with her, Kara recognizes that she, too, is trying not to laugh. 

Kara’s had enough. “Okay, do I have something on my face? Or on the suit? Is someone messing with me?”

J’onn’s brow furrows. “No.”

“Then what’s the deal? Why is the entire DEO like… laughing at me? Did someone accidentally vent the lab fumes out into the main hub again?”

“No.”

“Did someone see me crash into that billboard last week?”

J’onn’s frown deepens. “What?”

“No,” Alex answers.

“Then why is everyone laughing at me?!”

“I mean, if I had to guess, I’d say it’s because of that,” Alex muses, nodding toward the big TV on the wall beside Kara.

She steps back to watch the news coverage of her dealing with the hostage situation this morning and frowns. “What, those guys? That was routine, what’s so funny about tha-”

“No, no, not that. That,” Alex clarifies, cranking up the volume.

“...reports are saying that the CEO of L-Corp, Lena Luthor, experienced an attempt on her life early this afternoon. Sources claim that she fell from a considerable height-”

“Hey, she was pushed,” Kara corrects.

“Shh!”

“...caught by Supergirl, who may have gotten a little… familiar with her.”

And there’s a video (clearly recorded on a cell phone but not the worst quality Kara’s ever seen) of Kara catching Lena and slowing to a stop above the sidewalk, of them talking quietly, of Kara’s hand definitely on Lena’s-

“Oh. Oh no.”

“Oh yes,” Alex drawls, clicking the TV off with relish, a large, evil-big-sister grin spreading across her face. “Congratulations, Supergirl- the world just watched you grope Lena Luthor’s ass.”

“But I’m not- I wasn’t groping, I was catching! My hands weren’t… If it was groping, I’d be all up on her, and I wasn’t!”

“Camera begs to differ. It’s already trending on Twitter in National CIty.”

Kara puts her head in her hands and groans. “Why?! I was trying to save her!”

“You were definitely trying to save part of her,” Alex agrees. “Granted, it’s a very nice part...”

Kara’s head pops up, and she shoots Alex a look that’s between a pout and a glare. “You’re not helping.”

Alex feigns confusion. “Am I supposed to be helping?”

“Alright, enough,” J’onn cuts in before Kara can retort. “We just wanted you to be aware. I don’t think that this is going to be taken for anything more than it is- a humorous moment in the middle of a successful rescue. You shouldn’t worry about the press.”

And truth be told, Kara isn't worried about the press- she’s worried about the fact that she’s going to have to face Lena after this. Lena, who she knows for a fact has google alerts set for herself, Kara Danvers, and Supergirl, a gesture which is normally actually sweet and kind but is right now definitely gonna bite her in the-

“Okay! So, is that all?”

Alex blinks, looks over at J’onn, and shrugs. “I mean, yeah. Try not to make a habit of groping your crush when you’re in the suit.”

“I wasn’t groping her-”

Alex grins. “So you admit you have a crush? Interesting…”

“Alex!”

**

J’onn’s prediction is mostly right- no one seems to be taking the shots of her grabbi- saving Lena as anything other than a funny blip of a moment in their coverage of it.

He was wrong about the sheer scale. The clip had gone totally viral in a matter of hours, and seemingly every major network in the country has run the clip at least once as a bit of filler-fluff, and almost every major network anchor (including the ones at CatCo, the traitors) has made at least a passing joke about Supergirl being ‘Super-Handsy'.

Which means that Kara is very late getting back to Lena’s office with replacement food. But like, she’s been busy, okay? It’s not like she’s avoiding Lena, or something, because she’s embarrassed- which she isn’t, because she didn’t do anything bad or wrong and-

Anyways, it’s well past sunset by the time Kara gets to Lena’s office door again. She hesitates outside it for just a moment before shouldering the door open and knocking tentatively.

Lena’s attention jerks from whatever she’d been absorbed in to Kara, and a relieved smile blooms across her face. “Hey there.”

Kara finds herself equally relieved to not experience a repeat performance of earlier scary situations. “Hi,” Kara says, unable to resist smiling back. She raises the bags and cup carrier. “I bring grease and milkshakes. Again.”

“Oh thank god, I’m starving,” Lena says, rolling her chair away from her desk and rising into a deep and probably much-needed stretch. Kara very determinedly does not stare at the slight sliver of soft tummy that appears between her blouse and skirt at the motion. “I’ve been staring at this screen for several hours. And Sam called to yell at me- she says hello, by the way- she and Ruby are in town next weekend.”

“Good!” Kara crosses the room to the couch as Lena does, easily spreading out the veritable buffet of fast food she’d brought over the coffee table. “I mean, not good that she yelled at you, or that you’re still at work, Miss Luthor,” she says pointedly, receiving only an unapologetic shrug in response. “But good that, um-”

“I get it,” Lena chuckles, resting a hand lightly on Kara’s knee and boy, if that doesn’t make Kara’s brain go fuzzy and dumb again… “Thank you, for checking in.”

“Of course I was gonna check on you, Lena,” Kara huffs. “Plus, I know you probably didn’t get lunch, so…”

Lena hums around a mouthful of burger, chewing until she can politely speak again. “Well it’s delicious. Did you make it yourself?” she teases with a sly grin.

“Oh, yeah, totally. Slaved away over a hot stove for this- I just wrapped it in Big Belly wrappers so you wouldn’t feel bad about it.”

“Very clever.” Lena pops the lid off of her milkshake and drags a fry through it (an advanced culinary delicacy Kara had horrified her with initially but had eventually become a bit of a guilty pleasure). “Although I have to say, traditionally you’d have to buy me dinner before you grabbed my ass.”

Kara chokes on a pickle. “Oh no,” she groans, dropping the burger onto the wrapper on the table and dropping her very red face into her hands as Lena laughs beside her. She peers out from between her fingers. “I am so sorry, I was just worried about you hitting the pavement and like, catching you in the least jarring way and I wasn’t paying attention to where my hands were and I didn’t even notice until I got back to the DEO and-”

“Well I have so say, I feel a bit offended that you didn’t even realize you were copping a feel...” When the only response is another groan and a deep flush spreading from Kara’s neck to the tips of her ears, Lena relents. “Kara, Kara, it’s fine!” she laughs, pulling Kara’s hands away from her face and giving them a grounding squeeze. “Nia’s been sending me memes about it all day, which has improved my mood significantly. On the grand scale of fallout from assassination attempts, this one was at least funny.”

“I know that’s supposed to be comforting, but all it makes me wanna do is wrap you in bubble wrap forever,” Kara informs her.

“Pass on that. But seriously, don’t worry about it- I know it wasn’t on purpose- unfortunately for me, you’re too noble to do something like that,” Lena laments playfully.

And whether it’s the knowledge that Lena is not, in fact, upset, the overall weirdness that has been this day, or this delicious burger fueling it, Kara feels a bit emboldened. “Hey Lena…”

“Yes?”

“What if I wanted to grab your butt? Just, y’know, as a hypothetical. For future reference.”

Lena quirks a brow at her, fighting a smile as she contemplates this. “Hmm. Strictly hypothetically?”

Kara scoots a bit closer on the couch. “Sure.”

 “Well, you’ve already bought me dinner…”

“And lunch, technically. Even if I gave it to the bad guys.”

“True. Plus you saved my life, so that gets you some points, probably.”

Kara pauses in her sly scooching. “Oh, hey, wait, no, that’s not-” 

“Kidding, Kara. I know you’d never use that to your advantage. I, however, have determined that strong moral fibre and nobility do, in fact, earn you more points, which is my choice on the matter and you get absolutely no say in it.”

“Oh. Um, alright, I think.”

Lena stares off into the middle distance, tapping her forefinger thoughtfully against her chin. Finally she shrugs. “Yes, I think you’re fulfilled the prerequisites for a bit of grab-ass today.”

Kara snorts, Lena laughs, and soon enough Kara takes her up on the offer.

**

“Hey Kara, remember that time you grabbed Lena’s ass and it made international news?” Nia asks around a mouthful of mushu pork.

“You mean last week? Yes, I remember,” Kara drawls. Beside her/halfway sitting on her lap, Lena snorts.

“That was the best.”

Alex glares. “Um, excuse you, no. No it was not. I had to sift through so much thirsting over my sister on like, every social media platform. It was the worst day of my life.”

Brainy’s brow furrows. “Surely that cannot be correct, Alex. Statistically speaking-”

Alex holds up a hand, cutting him off. “Trauma can’t be measured, Brainy.”

Kelly chuckles and presses a consoling kiss to Alex’s cheek, and it makes the tough agent melt into a doe-eyed puddle of mush that Kara snorts. And she says they’re gross... Kara sneaks a glance at Lena from the corner of her eye, and she catches Lena looking at her. She leans close and jostles her gently as she drops her head onto Lena’ shoulder. “We’re never gonna live that down, are we?”

“Probably not.”

“We have the worst friends.” When this elicits nothing but a chuckle, Kara tips her head back to see Lena still looking at her, a soft smile playing at her mouth and shining in her eyes. And like, this whole thing they’re doing is new, with the kissing and the actual dates and the... everything else. But the thing where Kara catches Lena looking at her and she doesn’t look away? That freakin’ knocks her out, every single time. “Hey,” she manages.

Lena grins down at her. “Hi.”

So yeah. Maybe the initial circumstances weren’t ideal, and she doesn’t love the mockery that’s been heaped upon her by all of her friends and loved ones (including Winn, who’d sent a missive from the future that literally just said ‘LOL’). But the fact is, Kara muses as she surges up just enough to kiss the corner of Lena’s mouth, that she doesn’t regret a thing.

[thiswasinevitableid]

for the meet uglies, sternclay 60 sfw? OwO

Here you go!

60 Sterncly SFW. we’re both on a reality show (like the queer bachelor) where we’re told to be friends but the first time we met, you were incredibly rude and judgmental and I don’t know if I can do this for the damn cameras

“So, Barclay, now that we’re a few days in, what’s your impression of the other contestants?”

“They, uh, they all seem like great guys. We come from a lot of different backgrounds, so that’s kind of interesting to be around but, uh, I live in a place that’s like a big, chosen family, so being in a house with a bunch of types of personalities is kinda, uh, homey.”

“There’s no one you think you’ll struggle with?”

“Uh. Well. I, uh, I don’t like Joseph too much. He came in and he’s so, like, phony from all the years in the FBI. It’s like he’s trying to be polite and charming but really he thinks we’re all idiots for being here. Which, like, buddy, last I checked you signed up for this the same as the rest of us.”

------------------------------------------------------

“Joseph, any worries about the other contestants?”

“No. I mean, we’re competitors on a dating show, not enemies. I think we’re all trying to show Vincent the best versions of ourselves.”

“There’s no one you’ve had conflicts with?”

“........I, um, Barclay and I got into a small argument earlier about the house rules. But I’m sure if we both stick around long enough we’ll come to an understanding.”

----------------------------------------------------

“Gentlemen, this cannot continue.” Ned, the producer, sits on the couch across from them. Barclay glares at Joseph, but the other man keeps a cool demeanor. Great, he’s making Barclay look like the big, angry mountain even off camera.

“I thought reality shows needed conflict to thrive.” Joseph cocks an eyebrow.

“They do, but about big things, like love and rivalry. Not how to properly load a dishwasher.”

“I’m just trying to be efficient.”

“My way is perfectly fine.” Barclay snaps, “jesus, I worked in kitchens for years, I know how to get clean plates.”

“That doesn’t make it optimal.”

“Do you have to be right about everything?”

“Gentlemen, you recall we have a housekeeping staff, right?”

“It doesn’t matter” Barclay doesn’t take his eyes off Ned, “we’re supposed to all get along, not all try and prove we’re the smartest guy in the room.”

“See, this is your problem, you need everyone to like you, to see you like a big brother, but you’re missing the fact that at least three of them have decided your gentle giant persona is a threat and they’re trying to oust you.”

“It’s not a persona, it’s just how I am. We aren’t all government shams disguised as men.”

Joseph’s facade cracks for a moment, blue eyes trying to light Barclay on fire.

“Enough.” Ned shakes his head, “you may despise each other as much as you please behind the scenes. In front of the cameras, please try to act as if you’re not ten seconds away from coming to blows. Agreed?”

They trade a final, furious look.

“Agreed.”

------------------------------------------------------

They’re a little over three weeks in; Vincent is still doing lots and lots of short, individual dates between the group outings, so the contestants have ample time to hang around the house and get on each others nerves.

Case in point: Joseph was right when he warned Barclay that others saw him as a threat. Chad, Alex, Nico, and Rich have all decided to go after him. Just this morning he’s been told he’s not man enough for Vincent (he shooed a wolf spider out of the kitchen with a broom instead of squishing it), too girly (he offered to make cupcakes if people wanted), and too big (who'd want to fuck a six foot tall puppy).

His mood is not helped by Joseph chatting away on the couch about his former job with the FBI. Barclay swears it’s all the asshole knows how to talk about. Maybe it’s time for Barclay to play a game of his own.

“Hey, Joseph.”

The other man turns, black hair perfectly slicked back like he thinks he’s some kind of movie star.

“I bet you ten bucks you can’t make it until eight tonight without talking about your job.”

The other contestants in the room snicker, several even giving Barclay a thumbs up.

Joseph adjusts his shirt sleeves, “You’re on.”

Ten hours later, Barclay is forced to get his wallet. The other man never mentioned the FBI once. In fact, he did Barclay an even bigger favor; he didn’t talk at all.

He finds the agent sitting on the back steps leading into the garden. Stays standing as he holds out the cash, “you win fair and square.”

Joseph looks at the money, then looks away, “I did it to show I could, not for the bet.”

“I mean, you didn’t have to go, uh, quite so hard on the silence thing.”

“I didn’t mean to. But, um, every time I was going to open my mouth, I realized it was somehow related to work. So I kept quiet.” He sighs, stretches out his legs. He’s in slacks, because of course he is, “I must have been so tedious to listen to, no wonder I was driving you up the wall.”

“Joseph-”

“I really am married to my career. I guess it’s not surprising my last chance for love is on a T.V show.”

“Hey, I get it.” Barclay sits down next to him, “when I was first working in commercial kitchens my hours were crazy; I barely saw my apartment, my friends, my boyfriend who pretty quickly became my ex. But it was what I needed to do to build the career I wanted for myself. To do what I loved.”

Only the crickets and the distant waves reply. Then, “You said you were a private chef now, right? Along with writing cookbooks?”

“Yeah. Kinda surprised you remembered.”

“Listening is a major skill in my profession. Besides, it’s polite to pay attention to what people tell you.”

“What’s your job now? You only ever talk about the FBI stuff?”

“Paranormal investigation. I never bring it up because people assume I’m out chasing Bigfoot with a shaky-cam or trying to communicate with haunted dolls.”

“So...what is it instead?”

“Helping people figure out they’re homes aren’t haunted or the monster on their property is just some owls. I like the challenge of solving the mystery, and I like helping people feel safe in they’re homes.”

Loud voices form inside; the caterers must have refilled the bar. He doesn’t really want to go in. It’s too nice out here.

“You wanna hear about the restaurant my coworkers swore was haunted?”

Joseph perks up, turning to face him, “Yes, please.”

-----------------------------------------------------

He’d been really looking forward to beach day. Six guys are already gone, and Vincent has taken his fleet of suitors to the sunny San Diego shores. Barclay is dismayed to find all but three of the other guys have waxed their chests. Joseph hasn’t, but his happy trail is nothing compared to fucking black forest on Barclays torso. Nico’s gotten half the guys to call Barclay “bigfoot.”It makes him feel like he’s back in high school P.E freshman year, and his body image is rapidly sliding into that of a shy fourteen year old.

“Barclay!” Joseph comes jogging out of the surf towards the towels they lay down side by side when they arrived, “you should come in, it’s really the perfect weather for swimming.” He drops onto his towel, black hair a bit mussed. The swim-shorts that he thought were blue with green spots turn out to have not dots, but tiny UFOs on them.

“I, uh, I’m good. I, uh, I burn easily and I don’t think anyone wants to rub sunscreen on my hairy back.”

“Hey, Bigfoot, what’s wrong? Scared of what’ll happen if the cameras get a load of your gut?”

Barclay growls, stares at his toes. Joseph tracks Nico as he finishes jogging by. Then he calmly picks up a frisbee, aims a throw, and knocks his snapback off his head. He’s sitting down before the other man can work out who threw it. Barclay chuckles, but doesn’t get up.

“Bigfoot’s my favorite cryptid.”

“Uh, thanks?”

“And who gives a shit if you have a stomach.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re cut.”

Joseph grabs his sunglasses, “because I like that for my body. I happen to like yours just as much. Um I, I mean, it seems like Vincent likes it.” He tips his head towards the Bachelor, who gives them both a long once-over.

“...Will you do my back?”

“Of course, big guy.” The nickname sounds so right on his tongue it makes Barclay want to set his head in his lap and ask him to pet it.

It’s late afternoon when Ned herds them all onto a boat which promptly steers towards some cliffs. Joseph stays close to Barclay, pleasant expression noticeably tightening the closer they get to the rocks.

“I’ve been dreading this. Cliff diving is not something I’d pick to do on my own.”

“Heights?”

He shakes his head, “Deep water. I know it’s not rational, and I even checked to be sure there hadn’t been large shark sightings in the area, but I can never shake the feeling there’s something waiting just out of sight, ready to surge up and eat me.”

They all climb up together, Vincent staying on the boat to watch them jump (this is technically a friendly competition to show off how brave they are). As they’re turns get closer, Barclay sees Joseph doing deep breathing exercises.

They hit the edge. The agent freezes.

“Shit. I don’t think I can do this.”

“C’mon, where’s my daring special agent?”

Joseph still doesn’t move.

“You, uh, you wanna jump together? Maybe the megaladon or whatever will eat me instead.”

“Megalodons are extinct; we’d know if they weren’t, same as we know Whale Sharks aren’t.”

“They you are.” Barclay murmurs, smiling.

Joseph manages a smile back, “On three?”

“Yep. One, two” he grabs Joseph’s hand “three”

The water rises to swallow them with terrifying speed, but nothing is waiting for them except one very startled fish. They surface together, Joseph laughing triumphantly, hair plaster to his head and sun shining in his ocean eyes.

If Vincent doesn’t pick him, he’s out of his mind.

--------------------------------------------------------

“Ohmylord, we have to play this.” Joseph cannot believe his luck; he figured the barcade group date would mean a lot of solo time, but here’s his favorite game in the whole wide world.

“Monster Hunt?” Barclay laughs as he lets himself be lovingly shoved down into the seat of a cut-out Jeep, “very on brand.”

“They had this at the bowling alley near my house. I’d play when my parents had league night but couldn't get a sitter. I never could beat the Mothman level without a player two.”

He doesn’t have that problem tonight, even with Barclay distractingly delighted and handsome in the seat beside him. After that, they make it their mission to find every two-player game in the thrum of flashing colors and tinny music. He finds they both like the Bowser Bourbon Smash, and somewhere around their fourth, heated game of air hockey they each polish of one too many of them to stay upright without the support of a game, a helpful show staff member, or each other.

When they get back to the house (their fellow contestants all in a similar state to themselves) they manage to make it to Joseph’s room before collapsing into a giggling heap on the bed.

“That, hic, that was fun. Games are, hic, fun.” Barclay blinks at him, “what’re you laughing, hic, at.”

“You, you got the hiccups. S’funny because you’re so big, like, like watching a, a pitbull with a, um, a” he makes a squeezing motion that his sober self would recognize as “squeaky toy.”

“M’not big” Barclay pouts, “I, hic, maybe everyone else is, hic, just small. Ever think of th--hic--at.”

“S’not a bad thing.” Joseph shifts so they’re facing each other, “like how big you are. Makes you sexy.”

Barclay blushes, “you’re, hic, one to, to talk. You’re hot, so, hic, so fucking out. Got, got those eyes. That, hic, that face” He touches Joseph’s cheek, “love your face.”

“Love yours too.” Joseph says, stroking his beard. Then they’re moving in inelegant tandem, grabbing at each others shoulders and faces as their mouths find each other. Barclay is so warm, whimpering when Joseph rolls him on top, nipping his lips and pawing at him like a puppy hoping for a treat. Joseph is going to hold him close and let him have it.

A clatter from below, one of the other men knocking something over in the kitchen, breaks the spell.

“Wait, wait” Joseph reluctantly slides his hands of Barclays ass, “we, drunk, we’re drunk, too drunk.”

Barclay blinks down at him, pouting a little even as he groans “fuck, you’re, you’re right. Wanna, gotta remember this. Don’t wanna” he yawns, “regret it.” The instant he flops onto his back Joseph climbs into his arms and falls asleep to the slow rhythm of his breathing.

-----------------------------------------------

After that night, they agree to be more careful; they’re here for Vincent, to see if one of them is his true love. That’s what the contract they signed says.

“More careful” turns out to mean watching their alcohol intake around each other and only touching platonically (including falling asleep on the couch together. They wake up to cameras recording their nap. Barclay isn’t sure what Joseph threatens Ned with, but the footage never sees the light of day).

But unless they’re on a solo date with Vincent, they’re by each others side. Barclay teaches Joseph dominoes and how to make biscuits. Joseph introduces him to terrible old horror movies that they watch on his laptop and compliments his cooking every chance he gets.

They must be doing something right, because they move to the next round week after week, Vincent clearly enamored with both of them. Barclay certainly understands the feeling. Just not for the person who he’s supposed to.

“Joseph? If, uh, if neither of us win, what are you gonna do after this.”

“Go back to work. Maybe pitch my book about U.S cryptids.” Joseph’s smile goes shy for a moment before recovering, “but I wouldn’t worry, big guy; I think you’re the front runner for sure.”

Barclay knows for a fact that Joseph is a fan favorite and the suitor most people think will win. Which is why, when Vincent selects his final four, he’s not surprised Joseph gets the first rose. Then everyone but Barclay is holding one and Vincent is touching his shoulder.

“Barclay, please don’t take this as a sign I’m not deeply fond of you. This wasn’t an easy choice but I, well, I feel like your heart may not be in this anymore.”

He takes Vincent’s hand and squeezes it, “It’s okay. It was wonderful just to get to know you. All of you.” He looks at the final four, at Joseph’s calm, polite expression. He meets blue eyes as he says, “I hope you find someone who makes you happy.”

With that he turns, all too aware of the cameras tracking his exit, his face, how he’ll have to do a final interview and not reveal that he’ll hate Vincent forever but not blame him in the slightest if he marries Joseph.

“Wait!”

Every eye, lensed or no, turns back to the gazebo. Joseph is at the edge of the steps, poised to run. When he sees Barclay stop, he turns to Vincent.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t accept this.” He hands the bachelor the rose, “I hope you understand.”

There’s no soundtrack on set, but strings swell in his ears all the same as Joseph descends the stairs and leaps into his arms, kissing him so hard he still has stars in his eyes when he opens them.

“It’s not a marriage proposal” Joseph whispers, kissing his cheek, “but I do have a question for you.” He pulls back, all cameras on them but his attention for Barclay alone, “would you like to be my boyfriend, big guy?”

Barclay rests their foreheads together, “Yeah, babe, I really, really would.”

[radramblog]

Werewolves are still iffy in EDH

With the release of Innistrad: Midnight Hunt, I’m sure many people myself included were hoping that the set’s Werewolf focus would solve some of the issues with the tribe in Commander. Having been a big fan of the creature type’s mechanics and design in Shadows block, and playing a lot of them in Limited and Standard formats, I was excited to see what MID would bring to the table.

Unfortunately, despite the shiny new commander the deck has, I’m not confident that the many, many issues that make Werewolves awkward in Commander have actually found an answer.

Issue 1: The cardpool

Werewolves are kind of in this awkward place where due to mechanically being tied to Innistrad and its double-faced-card Transform mechanic, there just aren’t very many of them, even though we’ve been to Innistrad 3 times now. As well, of the current 6 Innistrad-based sets, 2 of them (DKA and EMN) are small sets and 1 (AVR) doesn’t actually have any werewolves in them. The number of werewolves, therefore, is not particularly big- at time of writing, 83 cards exist with the word Werewolf or Werewolves, and of those 5 are explicit hate pieces. And one is Victim of Night, a removal spell that happens not to hit them. That leaves 78 cards to work with, outside of Changelings.

Frustratingly, WoTC has done very little to supplement this when visiting other planes. There exist exactly 6 Werewolf-related cards printed outside of Innistrad, with only 4 of those actually being Werewolves. I appreciate the slight bones being thrown in the form of WAR Arlinn, Nightpack Ambusher, and AFR’s own Werewolf Pack leader, but that’s about a card a year, which is not enough to support a tribe like this.

There’s also an issue where most of the Werewolf cards are pretty much just limited fodder. Of the 62 cards with the type Werewolf on them (again not including Changelings), I’d wager maybe 30 of them are playable in Commander, using an extremely loose definition of the word playable and with the understanding that this deck is going to be janky as hell. The tribe really suffers from its flavour-based limits, especially with the lack of non-Innistrad support, even though many of the game’s mechanics could be adapted to flavour of the Werewolf.

The final problem with the cardpool is the weak support cards. Werewolves have a fair few support cards, actually, but the issue is most of them are either not scaled for the format or only apply on one side of a 2-sided card. Many tribes in the middle-ground of card quality can get propped up by a handful of really good support cards- as an example, Treefolk have Timber Protector and Leaf-Crowned Elder, and Myr have Myr Galvaniser, Myr Turbine, and basically every Artifact support card ever to exist. Werewolves are stuck with, outside of one or two spicy new cards, mostly just +1/+1 anthems/counters and a handful of keywords, and also Immerwolf/Geier Reach Bandit (but the latter only half the time).

The result of this is that despite arguably being one of the better supported tribes as far as card numbers, Werewolves seriously pale in comparison to the majority of the field, especially compared to their Innistradi brethren- they look real awkward next to Humans, Zombies, Spirits, and Vampires.

Issue 2: The colours

Werewolves are pretty shoehorned into Gruul as far as the cards go. Both legendary Werewolves and the Werewolf Planeswalker are in the colour combination, as well as the vast majority of the tribe’s members. However, Midnight Hunt has added some other options in all 3 other colours, and there are reasons to run each anyway- mostly to do with, you know, that whole cardpool issue.

Because as good as Tovolar is, this tribe needs a little help from another colour, in my opinion.

White is the most commonly added colour to Werewolf decks, due to getting to play Rule of Law effects to stop your Werewolves from getting flipped back over. If I build Werewolves, it probably will be Naya, just because I already have two Gruul decks, but my issue is the lack of a clear Commander. Samut is clearly the best option, mostly on account of Flash and the deck likely being fairly aggressive, but I have an issue with commanders, particularly Tribal commanders, not accurately representing the deck. But then, what am I supposed to go with? Anara/Bruse Tarl? Gahiji? Rin and Seri kinda work flavourfully, if you squint, but they do nothing for the gameplay of the deck. I probably would have to just get over it and play Samut, and maybe you should too.

Midnight Hunt did also throw some Black Werewolves in, to go with the original 3 from back in the day (the utterly terrible Treacherous Werewolf, Lesser Werewolf, and Greater Werewolf), opening Jund as an option, kind of. My issue with this is that aside from just general good cards, Black doesn’t really add much to the deck’s likely plans, and only one of the new Black Werewolves, Graveyard Tresspasser, is really any good. I suppose this does mean you could run 4-colour with Saskia, but…eh…

This set also added a singular Blue werewolf in Suspicious Stowaway, which is actually kinda okay. And also Blue gets one extra Rule of Law effect in Arcane Laboratory. But I don’t think I’m going to see Temur Werewolves anytime soon. I guess you could run Surrak? Blue does notably also get you a bunch of the better Changelings, on account of their recent Kaldheim iterations being in Green-Blue.

There is always, of course, Morophon. But that fucker’s for cowards. The TL;DR is, that Werewolves’s best commanders don’t give you access to everything the deck needs.

 Issue 3: The tribes

This is somewhat of a more minor issue, but one worth bringing up. Many of the Werewolf matters cards are shared with Wolf matters cards, and so it’s likely worth bringing a few of the better Wolves into the mix. Sarulf, if you’re including Black, or one or both Tolsimir-s in White. Wolves are a tribe with many, many more members, especially adding in all the Wolf Token producing cards, though there are still fewer Wolf Matters cards than Werewolf Matters ones. Also, some of the Werewolf Matters cards are Wolves, like Nightpack Ambusher, Silverfur Partisan, and Immerwolf. So there’s probably a fair few worth throwing in.

As well, seeing as the vast majority of Werewolves have Human front faces, some Humans matter cards like Angel of Glory’s Rise or the new Katilda are worth a shout. There are very few of these that work unfortunately, seeing as you are actively trying to have your humans not be humans, but it’s potentially worth the look.

The reason I find this to be an issue is that you can only add in so many subthemes like this before the deck’s real synergies start to get too heavily diluted. Every Wolf you add makes your Werewolves worse, you know?

I dunno maybe this one was less an issue and more just a recommendation. And yes I know most of the non-Human Werewolves are in fact Eldrazi, but as much as I love those cards they’re both mostly bad and there’s not enough of them, so don’t bother putting Eldrazi cards in there. You have to dump a lot of mana to flip them anyway.

Issue 4: The gameplay

Werewolves as a tribe are extremely challenging from a gameplay perspective. You have to be paying close attention every turn, in order to make sure that you know when your Werewolves are transforming- and in a format like Commander, they are probably not spending nearly as much time with the back half as they are the front half.

While I appreciate Midnight Hunt’s design efforts to simplify this with the Daybound mechanic, in Commander this kinda just makes it worse. Daybound means you are having to track this mechanic at all times, even when you or nobody else has a Werewolf on the field, as long as you’ve played one of the new ones beforehand. As well, the older cards (which you will need some of) are completely unlinked to this day/night cycle, even though they technically use the same trigger, which can lead to some confusion- if, for example, Tovolar makes it Night on your Upkeep, playing a Duskwatch Recruiter is still going to leave you with a Duskwatch Recruiter, not a Krallenhorde Howler.

Considering Tovolar is likely the leader for most Werewolf decks going forward, I appreciate the effort to make him work with the Werewolves of the past, and that he tries to mitigate the tribe’s biggest issue. But there are a whole bunch of really finicky interactions that are both difficult to get your head around and difficult to explain to others when you pull them off. For example, if the player before you casts two spells on their turn, it becomes Day as the turn begins, meaning all your MID Werewolves will transform immediately, then Upkeep happens, and any of your non-MID Werewolves flip as well. Then Tovolar triggers, and you can transform as many of your Werewolves as you want- so if you stack the triggers right, then something like, say, Huntmaster of the Fells or Ulrich of the Krallenhorde will get to transform twice in the same step and get both of its “when ~ transforms” effects.

The other half of this is just the mental load on your opponents. You know what all your cards do, but your opponents aren’t going to! And this is a typical thing in EDH, the game requires either a massive knowledge of Magic, an ability to pick up on new cards and interactions quickly, or both, but it gets so much worse when each of your cards has two sides worth of text to read off whenever you play one. And people (particularly those with less-than-perfect threat assessment) are going to typically assume that the more words on your cards the better they are, so you might get targeted just based on that even though half the words aren’t relevant most of the time.

The long and short of Werewolves in EDH is this: They’re still awkward and janky. I think you can actually build a deck, but you could already do that technically, and I think the additions from MID aren’t quite enough to bump the tribe up to Actually Good. They are, though, about the level of Jank that I appreciate, so maybe I’ll still just build them anyway.

There is potential hope, though. Innistrad: Midnight Hunt is an Innistrad Werewolf Set that contains no less than 15 Vampires (one of my biggest issues with the set!), and the next set is Innistrad: Crimson Vow, the Innistrad Vampire Set. Due to the mechanical requirements, I can’t imagine we’re seeing 15 Werewolves in that one, but I’m hoping we do at least get a couple extras. And hey, maybe one of that one’s Commander decks will be Werewolves!

…The previous was written under the assumption that we didn’t know what the VOW Commander Decks were. As it turns out, we have the names. Neither of them are Werewolf themed.

God damn it, maybe next time we come back to Innistrad then. So, see you in 2026.

[maya-tl]

Sanders Sides Among Us AU

Fuck it, it was bound to happen. Inspired by @waokevale 's incredible AU, but almost completely different from theirs. This is fairly long but I have a mighty need, so y'all gonna have to bear with me.

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IMPOSTORS: Logan/Blue, Roman/Red

CREWMATES: Patton/Cyan, Remus/Lime, Janus/Yellow, Virgil/Purple, Thomas/Pink, Emile/White, Remy/Black

???: Orange, Brown

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THE SKELD

The Skeld is manned by the core sides.

Logan is their physician/scientist and spends most of his time in Medbay, which made it easy to fabricate scan and sample datas to pass him & Roman off as crewmates.

Janus is the elected captain. He knows how to command a room and has a sharp mind, which makes him likely to spot impostors. He works in Communications and Admin.

Patton is their chef and janitor. He spends most of his time in the Cafeteria and is the only one authorized to use the vents. He takes care of the trash and cleans the vents and O2 shoots.

Virgil is their engineer. He's all over the place, from Electrical to the Reactor to the Engines to Storage, but he spends most of his time in Electrical. He's partially colourblind and struggles with the wires.

Roman is their data analyst and head of security. He alternates between watching the cameras in Security and transferring data to Admin. He's a master of sabotage and can fake tasks flawlessly. He sometimes helps Virgil with the wires.

Remus is their technician and weapons specialist. He spends most of his time playing asteroids in Weapons, but also primes the shields and checks Navigation from time to time. The ship is on autopilot, but it requires occasional manual adjustments.

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MIRA HQ

Mira HQ is run by Thomas, Remy and Emile. It serves as a home base to The Skeld and a permanent residence for them.

Thomas is in charge of the base. He spends most of his time in Admin and the Office, and regularly checks in with Janus in Communications.

Emile is their primary physician, who also doubles as a therapist/gardener. He keeps track of their storage, keeps the Cafeteria stocked and looks after the Greenhouse. He does checkups for the crew when The Skeld stops by.

Remy is their engineer and technician. He's all over the place, doing wires, checking O2, monitoring the weather or doing asteroids. When The Skeld is docked he spends most of his hours at the launchpad checking for anomalies. The rest of the time he alternates between Reactor and the Balcony.

Bonus:

*The vents on Mira HQ are never secured and Remy uses them frequently to get around faster, even though he's not an impostor. He's the only one authorized to do that.

*No one on base uses the laboratory, but they let Logan loose in there when The Skeld docks.

*Neither Logan nor Roman can go through Decontamination safely. The chemicals burn them.

*Emile is the legal guardian of two orphan children: Elliott and Kai. They both like to water the plants. Elliott never strays far from Emile, but Kai sometimes plays asteroids with Remy.

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POLUS

The Polus research station is technically abandoned, but it has yet to fall into disrepair.

It used to be manned by a full crew of ten. Most of them were reassigned after it supposedly closed down due to unstable weather conditions, but Thomas still receives regular updates from the station that are definitely manually sent.

The Skeld is not authorized to enter the sector of space in which it is located. They were assigned only once, to investigate the updates, and while the station looked to be in use, they found no life forms and had to depart prematurely.

Logan was the only one who had anything noteworthy to report: all the vital monitors had been disconnected from the mainframe except for two people, under the codenames Orange and Brown.

Virgil claimed to have seen silhouettes through the snowfall, but couldn't identify them.

Logan and Roman have their suspicions, but they can only recognise a fellow impostor if they meet them in person and they hadn't managed to run into anyone on the station, even with their superior vision.

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Fun Creativitwins Facts:

*Roman and Remus are not biologically related, but they do look very much alike. 

*Remus knows his brother is an impostor and keeps trying to coax him into committing murder for fun.

*No one suspects either of them because impostors are not known to have siblings, but if they had to guess they would pick Remus.

*Janus knows. He figured it out. Remus knows that Janus knows, Roman suspects that Janus knows, and Janus knows that they know that he knows. None of them have brought it up.

*Virgil made a dark joke once and Remus immediately adopted him as the Third Brother. Neither Virgil nor Roman had a choice in this matter, but they’ve warmed up to each other.

Other Miscellaneous Facts:

*Virgil has mild Protanopia, a type of red-green colour blindness. He sees the world in shades of yellow and blue, which makes it difficult to identify people when they’re fully suited up. He tends to stick with Logan or Janus.

*Patton kept scaring Virgil half to death by popping out of vents at inopportune times, so they had to learn each other’s schedules and work around them.

*Thomas was suspicious of Janus for the longest time, because he carried himself like someone who had something to hide, but eventually learned that no, he’s just really skilled at keeping a level head and mediating conflicts.

*Virgil once fell asleep in Medbay listening to Logan talk about samples. Logan, who was used to people being discomforted by his presence, decided he would protect Virgil with his life.

*Roman likes to personally check in with people around the ship, just to have some company. The only person who passes by him when he’s on Cams is Virgil, who does a lot of back-and-forth trips between the Engines.

*Remus often neglects to prime the shields, but claims to compensate by doing double and triple shifts on asteroids, because “the ship can’t get hit if there’s nothing left to hit it”. This has caused multiple emergencies that had nothing to do with either impostor.

[floatingcatacombs]

Evaluting Gatchaman Crowds Through Rui’s Outfits

12 Days of Aniblogging 2020, Day 1

Oh, I’m fashionably late to this one. Gatchaman Crowds is a 2013 superhero anime that serves as a soft reboot of the old tokusatsu franchise, only now with 21st century shitty anime tropes. From this painfully generic setup emerges a surprisingly layered evaluation of technological disruption in the smartphone era. For this reason, Crowds is a favorite amongst anime bloggers as a superhero work that’s actually trying to do something interesting.

Unfortunately I don’t care about any of these guys

But it’s also a favorite amongst all sorts of weirdos because of the character Rui Ninomiya. A horrifying amalgamation of the technolibertarian CEO and trans femme hacker archetypes, Rui is by far the most interesting character in the show, because they’re a surprisingly prescient look at how the tech industry will function throughout the 2010s. But they’re also a ‘boy’ who never leaves their house without dressing in the most girly clothes imaginable. Predictably, this is catnip for me. But the funniest part of the whole situation is that nobody ever addresses it. Rui never provides an explanation for their outfits and the rest of the cast just uses she/her until they properly get acquainted and switch to he/him.

I could tell you that Rui’s obviously trans and wrap up the post right there, but that’s honestly not the most interesting angle of attack here. So I’m just going to use whatever pronouns I feel like in the moment for them and focus on what really matters: fashion! Rui has a surprisingly large wardrobe throughout the show, so I’ll be doing the heavy lifting of ranking each of her outfits. Oh, and also maybe a little analysis of what she represents. Spoilers for the whole show, of course.

7. The Yellow Dress

Let me lay out Rui’s ideology before I lay into their fashion disaster. You see, they’re a tech disruptor who believes that governments and bureaucracies are too slow to achieve the monumental (yet unspecified) change that society needs. So, they preside over a smartphone app called GALAX that successfully predicts Pokemon Go’s geosocial AR gimmick three years early. GALAX is a technolibertarian’s wet dream – crowdsourced emergency response, interest-based meetups, and matchmaking for people who need specific help and the people who can help them, all deeply gamified.

Their outfit here is about as messy as their politics, but at the same time, what a look. She’s got blue-and-white-striped programming thigh highs on under her combat boots, which are both such trans iconography, you know? While they may just be a reflection of early-2010s 4chan crossdressing culture, it’s also totally possible that Rui directly influenced or reinforced trans girl fashion, like the accelerationist she is. What a prescient show, in all sorts of weird ways.

6. Lace-up Dress with Bunny Ears

It wouldn’t be an anime girl cosplay without some bunny ears, now would it? Rui spends 5 minutes in an early episode just wandering around the city in this outfit, listening to people’s conversations and feelings on GALAX. There’s something very funny about how nobody even notices them, like they’re completely invisible despite their ridiculous outfit. This actually factors back into the tech stuff! Like pretty much every tech company, Rui’s app and vision are both sleek and shiny but rely on tremendous amounts of dirty labor kept as hidden as possible. From Amazon’s inhumane warehouse conditions to Facebook’s trauma-inducing moderator farms to Apple’s child labor-tainted supply chains, there’s always suffering humans behind the too-good-to-be-true magic of tech companies. Rui’s lie by omission is failing to mention that the app relies on invisible extradimensional beings called CROWDS that are manually controlled by underpaid workers to assist its users. One of the workers comes to Rui challenging their vision and arguing that they should be sharing this tech with the movers and shakers of the world, not trying to keep it invisible. He threatens a collective walkout and Rui fires him. At this point, we’re not even operating on metaphors.

5. Green Business Casual

Sure, most tech companies have cruel labor underbellies, but there’s also the separate risk of moral rot. It’s what causes Microsoft to take on ICE contracts and Google to develop censored versions of their search engine at the whims of authoritarians. Many tech companies start off with an altruistic message, but without a serious ethical core, they will start doing a whole lot of evil as they bend to financial and other pressures. Rui’s version of this is extremely literal: she made a deal with the devil to gain the ability to use the CROWDS and launch her app. Except this devil is also a butch gender-noncomforming alien (there is a Lot of other gender going on in this show that I don’t even have time for) and the two of them seem to have an extremely fucked-up relationship. Like any good Faustian bargain or any bad attempt at raising more venture capital without a viable business model, eventually the whole thing comes tumbling down and now you’re doing something terribly fucked up. Rui looks good in a dress shirt, at least!

4. Whatever your abusive partner puts on when she body-snatches you

Of course the center won’t hold, GALAX is subject to a hostile takeover, and to nobody’s surprise, an app with the flimsy promise to change the world for the better can actually be way better at ripping it all apart. I guess the prescient social media parallel here is Facebook being used to propagate Myanmar’s ethnic cleansing, or really anything related to Twitter for the last 5 years. FuckedUpAlienMimic!Rui sure does have cute fangs and a way more refined fashion sense though. I don’t feel like looking into that one.

3. Business....Futch?

I know I’m not done outlining Rui’s arc, but I’m going to skip ahead for a moment to say that Gatchaman Crowds also has a second season! I’m largely ignoring it here because Rui is pretty much stripped of all plot relevance and most of her outfits are less exciting, but I had to include this one. For two episodes, she puts on bright yellow stirrup leggings and an oversized polo shirt, with a cute ponytail to boot. It’s a ridiculous look, but still feels really evocative to me. Sometimes a girl just has to put together completely uncoordinated outfits and see what happens.

Unlike the disruption-focused first season, Gatchaman Crowds season two, which aired in 2015, is about how unfettered technolibertarianism can easily descend into fascism. Goddammit.

2. The Bunny Ears Outfit Again Oh God Who Hurt Her

The weight of the world comes crashing down in Rui’s hands, she’s bruised and beaten in a surprisingly sadistic manner by her alien ex-business partner/girlfriend, and she’s locked out of her own company which is very quickly causing society to fall apart. So what does she do? She puts the bunny dress back on, and wanders the streets again until she has to call upon the powers that be to fix her own mess. It’s silly that the powers that be in this world are superheroes, but I bet you forgot that this was technically a superhero show at this point. Anyways, my extended metaphor is quickly drifting off course, but I guess this is the part where Rui gets grilled by Congress and slapped with an antitrust case.

1. Every Trans Girl Stereotype Rolled Into One

I’ve been incredibly harsh on Rui throughout this writeup, because I’m harsh on the industry she represents, but I’ll make it up with this section. Look at what she’s wearing! A choker, the gothiest Hot Topic dress imaginable, arm warmers, no less than three asymmetric garters not even holding up anything, and the tallest black boots she could find. It’s incredible! If the first outfit on this list was hinting at her relationship to stereotypical trans fashion, then this outfit just screams it. It’s the perfect goth femme hacker look, a style commitment I have no choice but to respect.

Gatchaman is a weird show. After spending most of its runtime thoroughly dunking on tech disruptors for being too optimistic and uncritical, it takes a last-minute turn into Lockean state of nature arguments. It settles on “the masses are inherently good enough that empowering people through technology shouldn’t ever be a problem”, ignoring all the suffering that happened due to Rui’s unwillingness to curate their own technology. I’d give Gatchaman Crowds an average rating, but it’s one of those interesting average ratings where instead of being milquetoast, they tried something and failed and wrote themselves into a corner. But hey, at least there’s an interestingly gendered character!

[goliath-de-senfina-sango]

Ghost Nip

AO3

Were anyone ever to ask Danny Phantom if he’d done drugs, he would ask if being prescribed ADHD meds counted as doing drugs.   When they said no, he’d tell them no.  If asked what he knew about ghostly herbs he’d tell them he only knew about one ghost-related nonsapient plant and it wasn’t a fun one.   He now had to change those answers to ‘not willingly’ and ‘something between weed and catnip’.

At the moment, Danny was soaring through Amity’s skies faster than he’d ever gone in his life, slowing down at random intervals and giggling at just how funny everything had become.   He chatted with birds and chased after squirrels to pet them, informing any passerby who stopped to say hi that they looked a lovely shade of blellow or grik or touroon.  Humans did not understand these colors or their auras and Danny couldn’t explain them quite well but they were there and so pretty.

And then he saw Technus, Nicolai Technus, self-proclaimed master of technology and Danny zoomed into his personal space.  “Child!  What are you-“

“Did you know, Nicolai, that the stars and planets and oceans and galaxies are as alive as you or I?”  Danny spoke both with his mouth and with flares and flickers of power and light and heat and cold, a language built on energy frequencies that he did not know but that he knew more than any mortal tongue.  “That they speak and sing with different languages?  I find that interesting.  I can hear them now but they’re so Much I can’t fully understand them.”

“Phantom what are you talking about?”  Technus floated back, waving a hand in the air, frowning.  That wasn’t good, he should be smiling!  Today was a fun day!  “Are you high?  Is that Ghost Nip, ghost child?”

“DID YOU KNOW NICOLAI TECHNUS POINDEXTER that the stars sing?”  Technus flinched and Danny wondered at that, felt and saw as the older ghost charged up a ball of plasma, sparking and arcing and dancing with electricity, to strike him with.  Danny, in turn, tossed the crushed petals that he had put into his pocket at some point in the future or present in Nicolai’s face.  He coughed and spluttered, aura flickering through shades of emotion that he rarely acknowledged, feelings that Nicolai had forsaken at some point if Danny remembered correctly.  “You are a soul filled with the power of the Infinite Realms, Nicolai, why would you deny your feelings?  Without your emotions, you cannot feel the joy of helping people, the satisfaction of making something useful, the pride that others enjoy your work and incorporate it into their lives.  And regardless of whether you resent your emotions, surely you realize that this too is a feeling?”

“I-you-you have a point, child.”  He spoke in radio signals and electrical pulses now, and Danny returned them in kind with elation at the sign that his enemy was now far more cheerful than when he spoke knowledge that hadn’t yet been shared with him, but it had been shared with someone and they would tell him and so he knew for time was a funny thing that slipped and slid around in space with the tug and pulls of gravity.  “And what would you suggest I do?  The humans do not respond to Ghost Nip the way we do.”

“No, but they respond well to progress and positive change and they need so much power yet so few of them use the power that the day star offers, constant and steady and ringing with their song.  Do you think you can help me?  I can’t speak the language of the stars just yet, but technology can translate many  things into a sense that we can follow, can’t it?”

They chatted amicably until the Red Huntress came upon them and Technus waved at her before pixelating into so many electrical signals dancing through the sky and flew off to bring waves of upgrades to technology all over the town.  And Danny waved at Valerie himself, flickers and flares of gravity and light like a star might give off deflecting the plasma she launched at him in her own hostile greeting.  “Hi Valerie,” he said but didn’t say, his voice reaching the speakers in her suit meant to relay calls from Vlad but instead responding to him because all the energy came from the stars, didn’t it?  And the suit had taken her to space, oh, that would be fun to do again, wouldn’t it?

Danny waved Valerie goodbye and flew off, bending the starlight around his fingers and weaving images and paintings of himself all around her so that she could at least see him.  Valerie didn’t like Danny, his presence angered her, made her red aura darken to something bloody and Danny didn’t like that.  So, he flew off to where he felt the tug of misfortune and negative chaos and luck turned upside down.  He found Johnny and Kitty having a picnic in the park and lingered over some buzzing beetles in the grass, his core buzzing in response though the beetles didn’t seem to hear him.  Or maybe they only understood him as much as he did the quasars in the sky?  “JOhnny!  Kitty!  Hi hi hi, how are you?  You look like you’re having fun, are you having fun?”

The two gave Danny a bemused look, Johnny’s shadow rising up like ink rippling with waves of cold, icy, burning flames that stole heat instead of giving it away.  He smiled at them, wider than a human face could accommodate, and they snickered and laughed. “Uh, yeah little man.  Just out for some fun on a date.  Are you baked, little guy?”

“Clay was once baked in the sun to make the older bricks, I basked in the sun’s light and felt it dancing over my skin before it sank into me and-”

“Oh my god,” Kitty said with a high laugh that had Danny floating a bit further from the ground as he orbited them.  “He’s definitely high.  Lemme guess, someone showed you some Ghost Nip?”

Danny dug another petal from his pocket and crushed it in his hand, tossing a shower of the dust onto his two friends, because they were happy to see him so clearly they were friends now, weren’t they?  “The prettiest flower, it smells so nice.  Is that what it’s called?”  He stared at Johnny and hummed, and reached out beyond his body and he saw and tugged on the strings and laughed.  “Johnny, come with me, I’m sure she wants to see you again!”  Before Kitty can ask who ‘she’ is, Danny pulls Johnny with him into the sky, and Kitty follows, and Johnny snorts and laughs and whispers to him in a way that echoes in the wind where empty space lies hidden and bubbles with probability.  They are at the Manson Mansion faster than Danny expected but he’s so energized at this point that he hardly knows that when he and Johnny dive into the house and Danny watches as the tug on the strings around Johnny’s soul pull him along and guide him faster than Danny or Kitty.  And they arrive and they see Ida, bowling in her alley, and Danny cheers for her and his voice bounces off the walls, comes through the many speakers and flickers across screens.  “Hi, miss Manson!  I brought Johnny!”

“... Johnny?”  Ida turned and her aura flickered wildly, it was a rainbow, a kaleidoscope, but Danny saw the gamule in it and bounced in the air.  Happy tears shined in her eyes and Johnny slowly, carefully descended to the ground and wrapped his arms around her.

“Mom?”

Danny left with a proud nod, satisfied that he had helped, and flew off to find others to help, there was always someone to help, wasn’t there?

 Dash Baxter was afraid of very few things, but the hostile nerd ghost levitating a bunch of pencils pointed at him and his fellow jocks like arrows was certainly a contender.  He and the boys were at practice and one of the AV club geeks had passed by while they were wrapping up so Dash decided to have a little fun with the freak. He didn’t expect Poindexter to fuckin pop out of the ground and summon all the pencils and pens from inside the school to him and start ranting about bullies.  The guy screamed nerd from every facet of his appearance except for the glowing red eyes and Dash wanted to say something witty but all that really came out was, “fuck off you bucktoothed weirdo!  We’re just havin some fun.”

Dash’s late grandfather always did call him an idiot and Dale smacking him upside the head with a hiss of the same confirmed this.  After all, Phantom was nowhere in sight and saying that just made the ghost go red and flickery with rage.  This is how I die.  A fuckin nerd is gonna kill me.

Pencils flew at the team and Dash braced for the impact that never came as green, silver, gold and blue light wrapped around them in a dome and stopped the pencils like they were nerf darts.  Danny Phantom floated down between them and the ghost and Dash relaxed. Though, Phantom looked… off.  His hair was more like mist now, and his suit looked less like the goofy hazmat that the Fenton Freaks wore and more like an astronaut’s spacesuit.  He looked sorta like he was on fire, and sorta like he was surrounded by icy mist or both.  “Sidney!  Did you know that Nicolai is here?”  Who the fuck is Nicholai?

Poindexter clearly knew, though, and was shocked out of his supernatural rampage.  He stared at Phantom with wide eyes.  “I- no I didn’t.  Nicolai is alive?  Wait, Phantom, what the heck is up with your… everything?”

Phantom pulled out what looked like a flower petal with fifty different colors swirling around it, which didn’t make sense since there were only so many colors, but ghosts never made any sense.  He crushed it into powder between his hands while talking. “I found this neat pretty flower somewhere in the Infinite Realms, though I don’t remember where I found it, but I do know that it smells so so happy!  HEre, smell it!”  and then Phantom tossed dust at the guy, and dropped his shield around the team.

“Dude… Phantom’s fuckin high,” Chris whispered, and Dash’s eyes widened.

“Holy shit, ghosts can get high?”

“And no, sadly Nicolai isn’t the same alive as those guys behind me, but he’s the kind of alive that you and I are!  We’re technically alive, though Dad doesn’t agree, but he hasn’t met his uncles yet and I’m sure if he knew how much family was still alive on our side of the Ṕ̡̡o͢r̨t͞a̴̛l̨͡,” Dash had no idea what the fuck Phantom just said but apparently he was related to some ghost?  Kwan had his phone out now and was recording the conversation.  “Sidney Poindexter, Nicolai Poindexter, you’re both really smart, but Nicolai calls himself Technus now but he’s helping people today!”

Poindexter opened his mouth, and Dash’s head hurt.  He wasn’t making a sound that Dash could figure out but there was a pressure in his skull until that silver light that Phantom’s shield had earlier wrapped around him and the rest of them.  Some of the guys ran off, not wanting to be in the line of fire when the fight started, but if Phantom just tossed ghost weed onto the nerd then maybe he’d be too chill to try and kill them.

“Exactly!  You told me years from now about your little sister that you miss and grandma’s still the alive you were hoping for, with Nicolai, promise!  You’re technically my great uncle then, aren’t you?”

“Holy shit, Phantom’s related to Poindexter?”  Both ghosts’ attention snapped toward him in a tangible way and Dash wished he’d kept his big mouth shut.  Phantom’s eyes were torches that obscured the rest of his face, and that fire that flickered around him whipped out all over the place now.  People weren’t usually violent when they were high, were they?

“Dashiel Baxter,” he said in the iciest tone Dash had ever heard from anyone.  “You’re a bad fan.  You’re clearly not paying attention to me when I told and help people and save people.” The accusation stung, one of those firey whips across his face, and how did he know that an invisible one made of emotion hadn’t hit him?  Ghosts were made of feelings and shit, weren’t they? “Why do you hurt people?  You know that’s not nice or cool or heroic of you, don’t you?  No one really likes a bully.  I sure don’t. I was bullied a lot as a kid.  It’s not fun for the kid being bullied.  I can’t understand why it’s fun for the bully.”

“I-” Dash was going to defend himself.  He wasn’t really hurting anyone, he was just messing around!  The nerds were fine.  They were alive, weren’t they?  But cold and heat and anger rooted into his veins and held his tongue and he shivered under the angry glare of his hero.

“You should stop bullying people.  It’s illegal, the things you do.  Someone will do something bout it eventually.  If not Sidney then someone still living the way you do.  They might do something about it legally.”  Phantom turned back to Poindexter and then to Dash, and he felt heavy as a mountain under that stare.  “For your sake, I hope it’s done legally.”

And then his eyes snapped off of Dash onto Dale’s hand, where a  green lantern ring sat and his eyes were still green flashlights that made it impossible to see the rest of face even inn the daylight, but those tendrils of ghost fire retreated into him and the air wasn’t frozen over anymore.  Dash could move, technically. Phantom turned back to Poindexter, who was speaking without speaking again, and Dash decided to book it himself before things got worse.

 Danny pulled Sydney along their strings to find Nicolai sweeping over a hospital and protective ire bubbled in his core, but a quick count told Danny that no one was becoming a ghost in there quite yet so he calmed himself.  “Ghost child!  The generators to the hospital now have a backup that draws on sunlight!  I… Sydney?”  Nicolai pulled his glasses up and stared, and Sydney stared and Danny grinned and bounced in the air and with inspiration from the Green Lantern, who was one of his favorite heroes but how could he not be he went to space and talked with aliens, and made a bright green lasso that he pulled Nicolai in closer to Sydney with.  They hugged.  There were tears and lots of babbling and cheer in the air that lit up the sky.

Then a net was on him and pain.  Danny convulsed in the air, screaming, and unlike his usual Wail his power carried through the sound in every direction and shook the ground.  A hand yanked the net off of him and Danny wrapped Nicolai in a hug, before turning his head around to spot Skulker glaring at them all. “Technus what the hell are you doing?  The boy is intoxicated and vulnerable!  I had him!”

“You’ll have no one and nothing if you don’t back the hell off of my great-nephew you diminutive little frog!”  Technus was angry, and sparks danced at his fingertips, ready to snap out and strike.  But Skulker also hummed with electricity and his suit exposed missiles that Dany couldn’t let him fire so close to the hospital. No no no.

“Oh great,” Skulker grumbled.  “He’s gotten you high as well, has he?  What’s this talk of nephews, Technus, you told me you didn’t have any family.”

Technus held his hand out but Danny made swords and scythes and chains from the dancing sunlight and cut off Skulker’s rocket launchers, and his arm before binding him.  “He lied.  You’re a danger to the people here.  You’re cruel and a really shitty hunter and I wanted today to be a nice happy day, Skulker, so how bout you get the fuck out of my town?”  Paint was light, the brush was ectoplasm, and Danny drew for them a fox with three tails and six paws and flames licking its jaws that lunged at Skulker.  “Did you know that a group of foxes is called a Skulk?  Sam told me that.  Sam and Tucker are good friends.  Tucker is the best friend.  I’m gonna go find him now.  By uncle Sydney, uncle Nicolai!”

Danny couldn’t leave Skulker out like that though so he cast away his fox and pulled out his thermos and sucked in Skulker and his suit and then he was flying, and riding the fox and stroking its soft pretty fur.

 “I didn’t know he could purr,” Sam said, as though that were the important thing here.  She took a picture with her old camera and Tucker glared.  “Think any other ghosts purr when they’re high?”

“Can we discuss that after we get me untangled?”  Tucker tried to pry Danny’s arms and tail off of him, but to no avail.  Any amount of force he applied Danny could match, and if he pulled too hard, Danny just phased through his fingers and clung tighter.  “Why are yougods Stop that!”  Danny was now rubbing their cheeks together and looking at him wide eyes that were green where they should’ve been white and every color that did and didn’t exist on the visible spectrum filling the place of pupils and irises.  Looking at these particular puppy eyes was like gazing into a black hole and the Milky Way at once.  Sam was laughing at him.  “This isn’t funny.”

“It’s hilarious.  And kinda cute.  After all, it’s not every day you see two love birds cuddling in bed like a snake-cat hybrid.”

“We’re not lovebirds Sam, we’d kinda need to be infatuated with each other at minimum.”  Tucker sighed, resigned to his fate, and patted Danny’s cloudy hair.  He purred three times louder and warmth seeped into him from every point of contact.  “What’s the flower?”

“According to the latest Viewtube video Kwan posted of Danny roasting Dash?  Some variant of weed.” Sam looked Danny up and down and snorted.  “He’s covered in dust so he’ll probably be like that for a while.”

Sam needn’t know how ok with that Tucker was feeling.  He could see in her smirk that she knew anyway but he could deny it!  Though, with all this cuddling, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.  Sam petted the fox curled around her and Tucker rolled his eyes at her cooing.  “I see the Naruto phase never wore off.”

“Shut it furry.”

“Why should I, weeb?”

“It’d be awful if that oh so precious bow of yours lost its string, now wouldn’t it?”  Tucker huffed and sank into Danny’s embrace with a grumble.  “That’s what I thought.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #387

“today i woke up, & i hate myself”

What common problem have you never experienced? The loss of a close family member (that doesn't include pets). Alternatively, what's an uncommon problem you have experienced? Homelessness. Do you know anyone who opposes marriage equality? I sure do. What was the last thing you got really emotional about? Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty premiering. What's the longest amount of time you've been ill for? I don't really know. I don't get sick a lot at all. Who is your closest male friend? Girt. Do you know anyone who hunts for meat? Sadly. I say "sadly" because it's not like they need it. Have you ever lived with a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes, although I wasn't a technical resident. I was there all the time, though. What do you wash dishes with? Sponge, scrub brush, rag, something else? A sponge. Is there anything you prefer to do the old-fashioned way? There's probably something, but I can't think of anything. Do you put your glasses and mugs right side up or upside down on the cabinet shelf? Upside-down. What was the worst part of your childhood? My parents fighting. Have you ever seen a high school relationship last long-term? (like 10+yrs) Yeah. Do you know any cancer survivors? Quite a few. Leftover pizza for breakfast... yay or nay? Good shit, man. Do you personally know anyone who's a psychopath or sociopath? I don't think so. What is your most used kitchen appliance? Lately, it's been the apple slicer. I've been on a real apple slices + peanut butter kick lately. What is something that you would personally like to be remembered for? For being a caring person towards all living things. Have you ever been diagnosed as clinically depressed before? Yes. Do you like bowling? Yeah, it's fun. Do you own binoculars or nonoculars? What do you use them for? No. Do you ever wish you had a telescope on the roof or attic to stargaze? Yeah, that'd be cool. Have you ever had to deal with someone close to you going off to war? No, thankfully. Who do you feel you have the most in common with? Sara, easily. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? My damn self lmao. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No. My parents didn't grow up in NC. What’s one thing that people definitely CAN’T count on you for? To remember like... anything. What about something they definitely can count on you for? Someone to listen to encourage them. What’s one food that you want to try but haven’t yet? I've always thought macaroons look good. Do you have anything planned for the summer? No. Do you walk fast or slow? Slow. Would you consider yourself an adrenaline junkie? No. What is a common slang word from where you live? Plural "you" does not exist. It's "y'all," lol. What’s the scariest thing you’ve accidentally found on the internet? *shrug* Probably something as a kid, going on those sketchy websites with loads of games and stuff. Thinking of every Halloween costume you’ve had, which one was the most creative? I don't think I've had any creative costumes for Halloween. What’s one random city you want to visit? It's not exactly "random" as it's a popular location, but anyway, I would love to visit Venice. What subjects do you or did you get the worst grades in? Math. When was the last time you ate cake and what type of cake was it? That's a good question, actually. Maybe my niece's birthday in February? I don't remember what kind of cake it was. Do you have photos to go with all of the contacts in your phone? No; I don't have any. Do you like snowy winter days or do you prefer rainy days? SNOWY! Name 3 things you find most beautiful in nature: Mountains, large waterfalls, and desert dunes in the wind. If you could ask one person one questions and get a completely honest answer who would it be and what would you ask? Jason. I'd ask if he thought I was emotionally abusive. What is your favorite winter activity? Building snowmen. Who is the greatest singer who is no longer living? Freddie Mercury. What is your idea of heaven? I don't know, really... I have to ask myself IS there a heaven in eternity? Living forever just... doesn't appeal to me. "Living" is an odd word to use there, but hopefully you get it. Existing on and on and on and on seems like it'd just be a drag, but at the same time I do like the thought of feeling relentlessly happy and peaceful with my loved ones. I guess that would be my definition of it, if it does exist. What’s one of the scariest things you’ve ever done? ODed. Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? Just once, on my 16th birthday because I was at Jason's place and all of his family was watching it. I had absolutely zero interest, but we wanted to hang with the family. If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada. Do you watch American Horror Story? I haven't in years. It was Jason's and my first "show," and the first season was excellent. I lost interest in the second one, honestly. I'd be up for watching other seasons, though. How many relationships have you been in this year? None. What's your favorite cereal? Probably Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That's also the only cereal where I can happily drink the milk afterwards. Twitter or Facebook? Facebook. Do you like to paint your nails? No. What's the coolest place you've ever been to? Disney World, probably. Have you ever punched anyone? No. What's something you wish you knew how to do? Cook. :/ I really need to make an effort to learn. It'd be great to not rely on a microwave for the rest of my life. What's a celebrity that everyone likes but you don't? *shrug* What food do you eat the most? Probably bread in some form or another. That really needs to stop. Green or purple grapes? Either one, but they have to be firm. I cannooooooot with soft grapes. Have you ever cried over a text? Yeah. What's the background of your phone of? My lock screen is this pretty, simplistic periwinkle color with "work on you for you" written on it. It's one I plan on keeping for probably a long time because I connect to it so deeply with my stupid damn head frequently demanding I have to improve "for Jason" to prove him wrong. Which is a very unhealthy mindset to have, I know. My home screen is a cute lil Mark edit someone made with a very similar pale blue background, so my phone is just currently an #aesthetic. Do you have a Snapchat? No. What's your favorite sports team? (if you like sports)? I don't like sports, but I'm biased towards the Carolina Hurricanes hockey team because of my dad. Last thing you ate? I had Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast. Do you take a lot of selfies? Definitely not. I just hate how I look so much; it takes way too much effort for me to get an "acceptable" one. Do you prefer strawberries or cherries? Strawberries. I hate cherries. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Maybe like, three. -_- Our A/C is still out, and it was like, 87 in the house last night. It was impossible to sleep. Do you listen to music daily? Not EVERY day, but usually. Biggest insecurity? My weight. Do you play video games? Not as much as I used to. I'd probably play way more if I actually had a PS4 + the games I'm DYING to have. Do you consider yourself lazy? "Yes, but a lot of it is also health related for my lack of energy and motivation." <<<< This for me as well. What recently made you laugh? I was watching a bit of The Nanny with Mom yesterday. We love that show. Do you like gummy bears? Yep. What was the last song you listened to? I'm randomly hooked on "My Nocturnal Serenade" by YOHIO. Like, I've known the song for a long time, but NOW I'm bingeing it???? Describe your mom with one word. Selfless. What's the biggest turn-off? Probably being misogynistic. But being a cocky ass is definitely high up there, too. What fish scares you the most? Mfkng whale sharks terrify me. How do you feel about snails? They're cuties!!! What's your favorite app? Pokemon GO. Would you rather time travel into the past or future? The future, to see what's coming. I feel like you could come back with some pretty valuable information. What is the saddest song you've ever heard? I think "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade has to come on top. What insect do you hate the most? I was reminded that stag beetles exist last night, and omfg those. Well, "hate" is the wrong word, really, I'm just terrified of them. Would you ever have a wild animal as a pet if possible? I 110% want to rescue an opossum, emphasis on "rescue." I'm not plucking one from the wild or anything like that. I would be in HEAVEN raising one of those angels. Are there any decorations that makes you happy? (lights, candles, plants..) I love those beds decorated with fairy lights, and just Christmas lights in general. Halloween and Christmas decor tend to give me sparks of happiness when I see 'em. Does race matter to you when it comes to dating? Not at all for me. When was the last time you painted something? Not since I was still in school and took a Painting course. When was the last time you really felt alive, and what were you doing? I have NO idea. What is one question you would like an answer to? Why the worst things tend to happen to good people. Name one favorite thing to do with kids while babysitting. I don't babysit, but if I was to be in charge of a kid, I'd love to teach them to play video games from my childhood. Playing Pokemon with my niece and nephew is always a blast, ahhhh. Name one flavor you like. Strawberry is pretty consistent. Name one thing you are hoping for. Venus' new terrarium soon... big sigh. I can't for the life of me find one that's a reasonable price and also adequately sized. I'm willing to put the rest of my cash into it, but Mom is helping, so I can't just buy the first one I see. Then I'd need more substrate, I seriously want a temperature gun and hygrometer, a cool hide, sticks and stuff for cover... It's going to be expensive, but I want Venus to have a truly proper environment she can thrive in. Write the name of one of your imaginary friends from when you were younger. Oddly enough, I can't remember the imaginary wolf that was my "friend." I say "oddly" because his whole idea was important to me as a weird-ass kid. Name one girl's name that starts with a "J" that you like. "Justine." Name one boy's name that starts with a "J" that you like. Maybe "Jaxson." Have you ever been kissed? Yeah. Have you ever feared that you would be killed? It's never been like, a fear I actively worry about. I just acknowledge it's always a possibility for anyone. What is the last great opportunity you missed? This was quite a while ago by now, but I'd say by dropping out of school, I really let photography opportunities slip since I became the newspaper photographer...

[spaceyantique]

five’s a crowd [beatles x reader] part six

chapter summary: It’s game night with your bug boys, and it goes about how you would expect. John is chaotic, Paul does very little to contain that energy. Ringo confirms that he IS, in fact, an old man, and you and George spend the evening sharing an armchair.

warnings: there is drinking and some (offscreen) drug use. we don’t condone drugs! please be safe!

these chapters certainly are getting longer, yeet. let @kalypsichor​ and i know what you think and if there’s anything you want to see!

masterlist

one | two | three | four | five 

What can you say? Between his sweet personality and those bluer-than-blue eyes, Ringo always gets his way. You’d tried as best you could to avoid any more pure, unadulterated John-related chaos, but Paul had teamed up with Ringo for an unbeatable duo of puppy-dog eyes. They’d cornered you in the kitchen one day until you finally relented, damn them.

So, that Saturday night, you’re all squished around the table in the living room as Ringo slams down a comically large board game box. From the way his eyes light up as he looks at it, you’d think it would be glowing gold and sparkling, Cave of Wonders-style. 

“Fuck’s this about?” John’s brow furrows at the name on the box. He’s already gone through half his first drink of the night: a vodka tonic with more vodka than most people would go for. Paul’s hanging over his shoulder with a beer, also a bit tipsy.

“Clue! It’s my favorite game of all time!” Ringo’s excitement is endearing and sunshine-yellow, as always.

“Thought we were playin’ Monopoly.”

“We’re trying to mend friendships, John.” Ringo fixes him with a false-stern look.

“Yeah, John, Monopoly is a game that only ends in violence. ‘Sides, I actually like Clue,” you say.

“A board game nerd too. Who knew?” George smirks. He’s got a beer in his hand as well. Though you’re overall not thrilled to be forced to participate in another night of John Lennon ruining the apartment, you can certainly say that a pro is that you’re next to George. You’re sharing the overstuffed armchair because John and Paul have claimed the couch (“for canoodling,” Ringo accused), and you can feel the warmth of George’s thigh even through your jeans. How is this boy so warm?

For a second, you catch yourself thinking of the last board game night, which ended with you and George next to each other not so unlike tonight. Unfortunately, it had been in a dark closet during a drunken game of Seven Minutes in Heaven, and you’d been too awkward even with the alcohol to try anything. 

Thankfully, you’re brought back to reality by Ringo unfurling the instructions across the table. They’re nearly too large for him to fully open with his arms extended and you have a sudden vision of him as Clark Griswold from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

“Right!” Ringo declares, now unfolding the game board. “Everyone pick a character. There’s six, so everyone gets their own, no teams.”

“Red!” John lunges across the table for the red, but misses slightly in doing so and scatters the other pieces across the board. He’s met with a chorus of indignant cries and Paul smacking his bicep. “Sorry! Got to have me color!” 

“Right then, John’s Miss Scarlett.” 

John dramatically reclines on the sofa with girlish flair.

“Paul! Paint me like one of your French girls!” Paul rolls his eyes, muttering something about the importance of nude modeling to the art world and how John would take advantage of it.

George quietly takes the green piece and places it on his starting square, then turns to you.

“It matches my socks,” he says with a smile. Your heart flutters as you see that he’s wearing said fuzzy green socks right now. Don’t blush, please don’t blush, for God’s sake.

Instead, you grab the nearest piece to you (blue) and place it on your spot.

“I’ll be Miss Peacock.”

Ringo picks Colonel Mustard and George and John goad Paul into being Professor Plum (“Professor Paul! It fits, you’ve bloody GOT to!”). As Ringo deals the cards, Paul whispers something to John and heads to the kitchen, claiming he’s getting a drink. He does come back with a six-pack of hard cider, but he also places a phone down in the center of the board, on top of the Top-Secret envelope with the winning cards. 

“Is that where my phone was? I’ve been looking all day for it,” George asks as you crack open your can of cider.

“It’s the prize,” John says, his mouth curling into that wicked, Grinch-like smirk once again. As stupidly smug as he is, you’re a bit drunk and it’s hard to keep a grin off your face. “Whoever wins gets to decide who gets the phone.”

“It’s my phone, though. I bought it, I paid for it.” 

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Does too!”

“Well, now it’s a part of the game! We play for it.”

George, rolling his eyes, goes to reach for the phone, but a hellish shriek from John and Paul’s protest stops him. 

“Thou shalt honor the game!” Paul cries.

“And what if I don’t?”

“Bad things!” Paul’s grinning widely now and you’re biting your lips to keep from smiling. “Like in Jumanji!” 

“Yes, we get sucked into a jungle world for years and years until someone finishes a board game that we left in the attic and releases us and we have to fight all the animals they unleash too.” Ringo’s smiling now too, and George reluctantly agrees to play for his phone. “Then we’d best start now! Usual rules, plus each time you move, you drink.”

“Don’t worry,” you whisper to George, feeling a bit bold from the warmth of the alcohol already. “I’m pretty good at this game. I’ll win it back for you.” 

The smile he gives you increases that warmth in your body tenfold.

***

It turns out you are not, in fact, pretty good at Clue. It has a lot to do with your cards, and thanks to Paul’s subpar shuffling skills, you have a shit hand. Several turns in, and you’re not at all close to solving the murder of Dr. Black. Your lack of strategy also may have something to do with the fact that you’re onto your second drink (rum and Coke but with diet Pepsi because it’s cheaper). However, you’re relatively confident in winning, as John both does not know the rules and doesn’t currently have the capacity to learn them.

“Then... then I’ll use that portal. The secret passage,” John slurs, and Ringo shakes his head adamantly.

“No, you can’t, John. The passage is in the greenhouse. You’re not in the greenhouse.”

“Well then, where am I?” Ringo points at John’s red piece in the ballroom.

“How the hell did I get over there?!”

“Honestly, John, are you high as well as drunk?” You ask with a smile. He takes a liberal slug of his vodka tonic before responding in a deadpan: “This is my personality.” Behind him, Paul mouths “a bit high,” and you giggle.  

“Oi, you’re one to talk!” John shoves Paul with his shoulder, still with that easy smile on his face.

“Look, y’know, the people have right to know, it’s-”

“The people! The people? What fucking people?”

“What’s all this?” Ringo looks up from his expertly technical dice roll. 

“They’re drunk,” George laughs. 

“Can we get on with it, lovebirds?” You shift in your seat and are suddenly reminded of being pressed against George’s whole side. You can practically feel him breathing.

“Yeah, some of us are trying to win here. The stakes are high,” George grins. “So if you two could pull your heads out of each other’s arses-”

There’s a chorus of laughter around the table, and John drops his cards with a hilariously restrained “oh shit.”

With a good deal of direction from Ringo (“‘S like herding cats, the lot of you!”), gameplay continues.

“Alright… John, do you have… the rope?” Ringo bites his lip, glancing over his cards and his scratch sheet of paper. John gasps.

“What? How’d you know that?” He cries, and you laugh, leaning towards George a bit more without thinking. You let your head fall onto his shoulder and suddenly you’re back in that darkened closet again. You’d sat just like this on the floor, but with your knees curled up against your chest. Your head was on his shoulder, and his hand was so close to yours-

George stiffens a bit, and as if you’d been shocked, you sit straight up. You make eye contact with Paul accidentally, and for a second, that infamous pout curls into a smirk. You hear an echo of his voice in your head. I’ll get the truth out of you one of these days, y’know. Your eyes fall to Geo’s phone lying on the board, and you suddenly realize that it was Paul who’d gotten it from the kitchen, not John.

“Conspiracy!” John shouts suddenly, both echoing your thoughts and shaking you out of them.

“It’s not a fucking conspiracy, John, you guess, it’s how you play-” George argues.

“Ringo must be cheating!”

“How do you not know how the game works?” Paul teases, and John scrunches up his nose at him.

“Well, I was doing just fine until you-”

“Don’t blame me for your incompetence-”

“Incompetence!?” John practically shrieks, and Ringo snorts, covering his mouth with his hand. 

“Off with his head!” George says, and pantomimes cutting his own head off. He lets his ‘severed’ head loll back onto the armchair’s cushioned back, exposing his neck. He’s got such a lovely neck, more slender than one might expect. It’s long and the tendons and muscles are defined, and his collarbones peek out just a bit over the neckline of his shirt. He’s been wearing his hair curly for the past several days, and it goes in waves past his ears, ending in a little flick just below his earlobe. The sun has set by now, and in the lamplight, his skin looks like gold. Your eyes travel back up his hair, and you suddenly notice-- oh, fuck, he’s looking at you. 

You snap your head back to the game so fast you nearly give yourself whiplash. John and Paul are still arguing, and you just barely catch Ringo sneaking a peek at John’s cards while his guard is down.

“Hey! Hey… do you wanna fight?” Paul says, and leans close to John’s face.

“... no.” John’s tone is sheepish but he’s smiling widely.

“Good.” Paul leans a touch closer. You swear John almost stops breathing.

Your eyebrows nearly hit your hairline as George snickers.

“God, get a room,” Ringo sighs, and John leaps up from the couch, Paul not far behind.

“Gents, fair lady, I’ve forgotten something in my room, and I’ve got to… get it.” With that, John stumbles down the hall towards his and Paul’s bedroom.

“I’m… helping him.” Paul rushes out too. 

“Then there were three,” George says after a beat of silence.

“Two,” Ringo says, standing and stretching. “S’pose that’s the end of it, so I’m going to put my headphones on as quickly as possible.” He bids you and George goodnight and then heads to their shared room, taking the fleece blanket from the couch with him.

“Smart move,” you say. “Poor Freddie upstairs said his bedroom’s just above John and Paul’s. He’s about to get a free show.” 

“With surround sound,” George says, and you snort. Reluctantly, you force yourself to get up, detaching from George’s side and busying yourself with picking up the cups, cans, and bottles littering the various surfaces in the living room. As you release your armful into the kitchen sink, George’s sudden shout from the living room startles you. 

“You idiot bastard! That’s what this was about?” You turn to see George still standing in the living room, hunched over his phone and calling down the hall to John and Paul’s room.

“You put fucking TINDER on my phone?!”

[idreamtofthereaper]

Dream in a Dream

note: happy birthday baby jeno! you’re nctzens baby forever

UPDATE: obvs, this one was not written today and it’s obvious when I wrote it. anyways, here’s my new blog

–

When you came running to your parents at the age of 8 telling them how you had a nightmare, they immediately wanted you to tell it about them. 

When they sat you down and told them how you dreamed of a boy who got hit by a car. Your parents looked at each other and finally told you what they’re about.

Unlike before, dreams are not just dreams. People starts dreaming in different ages, and when they do, that means the fates have decided for your soulmate. And until you meet them, you will keep dreaming about them- or what happened to them.

And that’s how you first found out about soulmates and how you first met yours, by him getting hit by a car. For an 8 years old, that was pretty traumatizing, but you did dream about the kid again the next day in a hospital so you were sure he wasn’t dead.

Years passed by and that continued, dreaming about the same boy and seeing how his days passed by. You wondered what he sees in his, hopefully the fates have a filtering system.

You then reached college, and you knew he was in college too. Few months ago you saw him filling out papers and from what you could see, it was a school in Korea. Well, you’re not in Korea.

You haven’t met this boy, nor know his name. But you were sure when you see him, you would know him. He just has the most distinct, precious, honestly just adorable eye smile.

He reminded you of cats, so before you moved in to your apartment that you’re renting out with a friend, you adopted a cat. You named her miso (미소) for smile. Because why not? You did got a cat solely because of that boy, so why not name her after him?

It was another tiring day, and you were already clocked out for the night to even attend the party your friend invited you to go. 

After finishing taking a bath, you just did some school works and immediately head to sleep, can’t wait to see what your soulmate was up to.

Though you’ve been living with this ‘dreams’ for a while, you still don’t know how it works. You don’t know why you could see your soulmate as if you’re in 3rd perspective, how you could only see some parts of their day, and you also didn’t know how ‘latest’ they are. You weren’t sure if the events that occurred in the dream were just recent or 3 days ago or a month ago. 

You just dreamed.

It started as soon as you felt your body being weightless and any surface is just air. The darkness immediately being painted by blue, white, green until it was totally light. 

You saw your soulmate in a baby blue sweater, entering his college with another boy who had Pink hair, this one looking like a bunny.

In the dreams as well, some words are filtered. You would hear not the voices sometimes, but the birds or the chatter of the crowd. It’s weird really.

The scene twisted and skipped to their lunchbreak, where he was facing the lovely Pink haired boy. Both of them laughed and smiled and all of a sudden, a girl approached them along with Two more. Giving your soulmate a hi, did some small talk about ‘how hard the assignment was’ then left with a flirty smile.

You felt your actual body jerk. You were sure you were probably hitting the air right now in your bed, while you had your eyes closed and hugging a body pillow. 

“Hey, why don’t you go talk to her? Do you know how many people would want to be in your spot?” The Pink hair boy hushed as the group of girls turn away. 

Your cat guy just smiled and shook his head. “I can’t, someone might get mad.” He chuckled at his own words as he took another bite of his food. 

The Pink dude looked at him weirdly first then made an ‘O’ remembering how his friend already has dreams, he still hasn’t. “Oh yeah, she could probably see me. Hey!” Pink said, staring at your guy directly in the eyes before waving cutely in front of your guy.

Soulmate boy just laughed at his actions, “No, it doesn’t work like that.” Then your guy went on about explaining how the dreams work, how it’s not first person but third. 

Then the scene shifted again and now, you were in his room. You could recognize his room, you have been there multiple times already. And in there, your guy was writing in a paper with a lamp on, now dressed in a pair of pajamas.

He then looked over at his work again before putting a cap on the mark, standing up and going in the middle of his room while holding the paper horizontally. “I don’t know if this is going to work, but I’m Jeno. I guess it’s about time we know each other even just by name.” You heard him said, then your focus went to the paper. 

“I like your cat, what’s its name? I also have some” 

Then your dream ended, and you woke up. Ever since then, that’s how you communicated with Jeno, sometimes the voices would be gone so the paper was definitely a smart idea.

In a short time, you found out he has 3 cats, the Pink hair guy was Jaemin, and that he was taking commercial music in college, and is currently at Incheon South Korea. 

Then he also knew how you were majoring in literature and owns a cat called Miso, he asked why you named her smile, you just said because you always smile whenever looking at her. 

It remained like that, even managing to vent out to each other until one night, the scene was different. It was like he forgot about it as now, he was busy packing his bags- then the scene ended. And that was your only dream.

You woke up feeling nervous, writing a ‘something wrong? you okay?’ on a piece of paper and standing in the middle of your room for a while before leaving for your class, managing to get in before the bell rang.

It was another simple day, nothing unusual, though you couldn’t focus because j e n o. 

You got back to your apartment pretty early as your prof. decided to dismiss early, and now you were thinking and worrying about jeno related thing as your cat Miso was not around.

“Miso? Miso baby.” You called out, alerting your roommate who was in the bathroom. “Have you seen Miso?”

“Dude, you left the door slightly opened, I thought you brought Miso with you.” Your roommate and your eyes widened at this, immediately dropping your bag as your rushed out the apartment.

This was not the first time Miso ran away, but you made sure Miso wouldn’t ran away again since she would always be returned by a neighbor or you would see her just outside. You have been gone for hours.

You reached the park, already feeling frustrated at your missing cat. The area is mostly surrounded by dogs, so you don’t know 

I shouldn’t have named her after that boy.

“MISO!” You continued to yell out again, even cupping your hand to your mouth to increase your voice. 

You stopped at your tracks when you saw Miso- and her namesake feeding her while they sat beneath the tree.

Miso ran off from Jeno’s lap, who was looking and smiling widely, and watched as Miso slowly walked towards you and caressed your leg. You picked her up and rocked her while in your arms, looking back at Jeno who was now walking towards you.

“Hi.” He greeted, his signature eye smile appearing.

You smiled back as you felt Miso scrambling in your arms. “Hey, I can’t believe you met my cat before me.” You said with a smile, admiring his very nice face. 

“Technically, I met you. Remember when we were having dreams of each other?”

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

this DLC has me FUCKED UP and i keep screaming

spoilers for Bounty of Blood under the cut, keep reading at ur own peril. Also some Guardian Takedown spoilers for anyone who hasn’t beat it yet

tl;dr: a comparison between something taken from BL2 and a thing taken from Bounty of Blood. more spoilery tl;dr below the cut.

also the siren thing is not spoilers so i’ll share it here for anyone curious, it’s just this: siren tattoos are blue but when lily absorbs eridium in 2, they turn pinkish/purple. just like how vaults do from bl1 to bl2. they’re white/blue in bl1, then purple-pink in bl2 (and tps), y’know, after Eridium begins erupting from the ground. just a neat little detail i noticed that im not entirely sure was intentional but im gonna believe it is.

tl;dr: Gythian Blood = Core and the Ruiner is of Eridian Origin even tho everyone in the DLC likes to say it was created with Jakobs’ bioengineering. disclaimer: idk if I’ve found every hidden ECHO so I may be missing a few things but I have done every side quest and took ample screenshots of all important dialogue in the DLC : )

“man i just sat here for like 15 minutes staring at my keyboard mentally comparing core and eridium like the dumb bitch i am. 

it's not like we can do an actual comparison because we have no idea what the natural fauna of gehenna was like before jakobs came and mutated everything with core unlike pandora where we know what skags and rakk and shit were like BEFORE the eridium crust erupted. 

altho!!! there's a neat comparison between joey ultraviolet and rose. like obviously he wasn't getting tattoos and was just doing lines of crushed up eridium but the point stands they both have glowy eyes and unique powers so i don't necessarily think this means rose is a siren just because she has magic powers especially when we know she got the whistling passed down to her from her grandmother. 

especially because we've never seen a siren interact with core before. altho that leaves the question we have seen core tattoos now what are eridium tattoos like? actually rose's tattoos were on her right arm obviously she isn't a siren as we know them right now (I saw a post on reddit where people thought rose was a siren) 

of course that brings up the point perhaps siren tattoos ARE eridium tattoos. but then we hear the general's log about how the devil riders were tattooing a man with core and blood so obviously they're not ‘naturally’ occurring unlike siren tattoos. so odds are they're probably not equivalents but something interesting i thought of while thinking about this is how well siren tattoos compare to the Vaults from borderlands 1 and borderlands 2″

anyway. this is all ive been thinking about. yes yes i know guardian takedown post but! >:( im still salty even tho this update has been lovely (outside of Blane not getting his correct damage scaling ‘till today......). so i’ll do that at my own damn pace. now let me elaborate so i can sleep at night lmao

Eridium

refinement produces slag, which weakens people and can mutate things

has mutating properties, mostly with imbuing elements into shit- possibly causes insanity

seems to be connected to another dimension, likely the one the Eridians are from

Core

has a secondary form of Infused Core

has mutating properties, mostly regarding a thing’s body and mind

apparently radioactive

there are some things i wanna note

1) People throughout the DLC say the Ruiner was created by the Jakobs corp (the company) thru bio-engineering but I’m 99% sure that’s not true. The paperwork seems to me like they found the egg somewhere on Gehenna and decided to roll and experiment with it like all corporations do when they find weird alien shit. so maybe they experimented with whatever was inside the egg, but I don’t think they actually created it entirely

“Excavated from [REDACTED] ... Local legends speaks of a [REDACTED]. This theory is not endorsed by our research personnel.

2) The Ruiner’s design reminds me a lot of the Warrior.

3) Core immediately reminded me of Gythian Blood from Guns Love and Tentacles and I don’t think that’s coincidence to have 2 back-to-back DLCs where the big bad is focused on green death juice. I think Gythian Blood and Core are of the same stuffs.

4) Therefore, I think the Ruiner is (mostly) of Eridian origin (if you haven’t already guessed). 

This gives us an amazing look into how the Eridians actually create their beasts!!! And I’m so happy they showed us this.

(side note, Interitus Regina (the long name for Ruiner) literally means Destruction Queen and I think that’s beautiful <3)

i mean the idea that they plunge them from orbit to create an explosion similar to a nuke is fucking horrifying (but holy shit I love it so much ahhh it’s so cool!!!!)

the one side line from Oletta about how the company couldn’t control the Ruiner deffo makes me double down on this theory. I’m not entirely sure how Rose’s grandma knew about the whistling (I don’t think I’ve found every echo log in that area YET), but I would bet it was part of the testing given how many fuckin’ tape players they have throughout the facility. The Warrior was controlled by verbal commands via Jack, so it’s possible that the Ruiner was intended to be controlled similarly, but Jakobs intervention (or something like the way Rose hatched it) fucked it up.

now we know the Warrior was created to protect the Vault of the Destroyer (hmm.) so what the heck was the Ruiner created for? Ruiner is a name given to it by Jakobs/the people of Gehenna so we can’t really assume, but then again the monster names are pretty apt in this series even tho they probably technically shouldn’t be. 

it was only an egg, so maybe it was another test of Core? A Vault Monster incubating until it was ready to protecc and attacc but was never hatched because the Eridians ‘sacrificed’ themselves before it could? (I’m still not convinced the Eridians are the good guys. Listen. LISTEN. The guardian takedown is something to think about, BUT it doesn’t disprove that theory and I’ll stand by it because I 100% trust the Overseer more than bitchpants mcgee over here who thinks he’s soooo special for no reason fuck you and your dumb ‘I did what the Watcher could not’ bull you haven’t done shit.) ok sorry im done he just angers me. stupid guardian man. your whip is stupid and you should feel bad. oh also I totally called us actually being Guardians thru Guardian Rank before the game came out aha yeah.

I definitely think Gythian was a test/use of Core from the Eridians. We see in Bounty of Blood that core seems to mutate more the physical (and occasionally mental) parts of people, like with the crew challenges u do for Juno with all the weird hybrid people and whatnot. Gythian had the whole ‘the heart still beats’ thing going on (which is definitely a physical mutation if i’ve ever seen one), plus the whole, you know, mind control and shit. Which is p similar to what the menta gnats can do when charged with Infused Core. And keep in mind in BLaT we see DAHL notes on what happens to test subjects when injected with Gythian Blood. They mutated physically and went insane.

What im saying is Sirens and Eridium and Elements are connected, so what does Core equal? body/mind sure but are there unique creatures for core (yes holy shit I’m not talking about h2o au for once and FINALLY they gave us a canon name for the green stuff!!!). If not, I’d love to see a Siren interact with Core to see what it does to them. seriously why hasn’t tannis interrupted us yet. horrible excuse for a science lover (kidding kidding, I love her). I’d also really love a fuller rundown on what the hell Rose’s powers were. Because the whistling thing seemed to just be her grandma’s thingie passed down to her from her mom

but the core stuff

her gun seems to be infused with it. So did her sword thing. I didn’t really get a good look at it i was too busy trying to see thru my blurry tears of LOVE for this DLC.

Strangely while her tattoos are (mostly) green I actually don’t know if they’re core infused bc look at this

n look back at hers. hers aren’t very lime.

anyway

her eyes

I’d love to know if the core gives her immediate future sight or just increased perception or reaction times. there’s a huge difference but she seemed to be able to shoot the gun outta the sheriff’s hand near immediately and it seems kinda implied its because of the core (or at least because her eyes are glowing green)

there’s a possibility she has some unique core powers/possibly implants because of her relations to the project in the first place, or as leader of the devil riders after looting the facility. it’s really hard to say without more info and like i said im not sure if i missed an ECHO or two or not regarding her backstory :( 

Her hair is also green which I just noticed. Maybe she has core powers bc her grandmother got suuuuuuuuper irradiated/influenced working on project horizons and it passed down thru her n Rose’s mom, to Rose. Tannis does have a line about Sirens having unique hair colors and, if Sirens are linked to Eridium, perhaps those linked to Core also have unique hair color. Could also explain why only Rose seems to have those whistling powers. That said we don’t really see anyone else trying that whistling thing out afaik and idk if it was, like, a special ability or a certain tone/ditty or w h a t. 

i know being vague with everything gives them more creative freedom to create amazing characters and scenarios, but dammit I want A N S W E R S.

All THAT said man I’m so glad magic is real in the borderlands universe. oh, sorry, “magic”. It’s magic. Science it, tannis, I dare you. either way, I win. Either it’s magic and H2O AU is canon, or it’s science and I finally get my goddamn answers. Hey gearbox can you make a book just explaining all the science and eridian stuff. please. I’d love you forever. please. pleaheheheheaaasseee it’s all i’ve ever wanted.

oh also can i just say, suuuper disappointed we didn’t learn anything about anshin. Really wish non-fan favorite corporations would get the spotlight/lore for once. Like, I like Jakobs as much as the next guy, and I get WHY they did it (can’t have a corporation looking too good!!!) but they now have 3 DLCs (Jakobs Cove, GLaT, and Bounty of Blood) and also a hefty chunk of the main game. Like... we all know Jakobs fuckin sucks, look at what they did on Pandora. I really just want info on a medical corporation 😭 I have to do everything my damn s e l f. but SERIOUSLY IMAGINE the possibilities that could come from a medical corp getting its hands on eridian tech. like, yeah obviously the weapons corps are gonna use it for weaponry and stuff BUT WOULDN’T THE MEDICAL CORPS MUTATING PEOPLE MAKE MORE SENSE??? ldfhgldfshg I have to do everything my damn self...

anyway all that aside, this is definitely by favorite borderlands dlc by a LONG shot. Nothing comes close. Ahhh the lore, the nuclear aspect, the a e s t h e t i c (seriously, have I mentioned how much I adore Trigun???), the art, the music, the cryoslinger, the fact I can bust out going beeEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAans like Ray Chase at any time and it will MAKE SENSE. I love all of it.

oh, also, Rose is totally not dead. C’mon, they couldn’t find her body. She pulled a Lilith. “Are you sure she didn’t just suffer a wound that LOOKS fatal, only for her to come back in a blockbuster sequel...?” is a line from mr Jones himself (the movie guy)

I just hope when she comes back she gets to meet Captain Scarlett. I’d love to watch their interactions plus pirates and or ninjas. That’s 2 DLC villains now that have vanished without a trace. And I like Captain Scarlett way more than Rose (seriously I spent the entire beginning of the DLC complaining about how her voice bothered me- I was so happy she was a villain, I was hoping that was the case).

oh yeah, reminder, the people of vestige were living next to highly radioactive egg for likely years. i feel really bad for them :(

also!!!

this made me smile

[nodesiretogrowup]

LET’S GET READY TO RE-CAAAAAAAAP

“I have numerous science-based questions” I mean, same. It also sets up that Huey is gonna be out of his element this episode

SCROOGE HAS NO TIME FOR SCIENCE

“I AM THAT CHAMPION.” A bit full of yourself there. I couldn’t hear this line without saying “I’M. THAT. HERO.” Oh VeggieTales, you’ll always be with me

THEY ALL LOOK SO ADORABLE!!

I like that Louie does a finger gun when Scrooge gets to him

Like I said earlier, I DO NOT care Scrooge already putting pressure on these kids

Poor Dewey seems like he’s the unfavorite, which is probably how Donald felt as well

Huey makes a good point and I do NOT like how dismissive Scrooge is of the twins

That being said...they totally killed someone in battle

SOMEDAY WE’LL FIND IT, THE RAINBOW CONNECTION!

Why didn’t Launchpad crash? I know he can land w/o crashing but it’s usually when he lands in water. THIS FEELS IMPORTANT SOMEHOW though it probably isn’t

“THEY FOUND A WAY TO MAKE RAINBOWS BETTER!” God, I love Webby

“This is the best day.” WEBBY, YOU ARE REACHING CRITICAL LEVELS OF ADORABLE

Birds with beards look odd

“Yeah, sure. Of course.” Poor Huey, magic and mythology aren’t his strong point

I love that it says Odin’s Closet over the shirts. It’s the little details

“Guess Louie knows what Louie’s doing today.” And then he disappears into the shirts. I can appreciate someone who knows what they’re about

I want ALL the shirts from this episode!

“WHOA, IT’S WRESTLING!” He looks so dang happy, it’s ADORABLE

“THIS IS AWESOME!” Chanting is fun

“So these guys just copied professional wrestling?” Huey, you’re form of logic is not welcome here

Does that mean Scrooge told someone about his battles and inspired them to create pro wrestling? I’m gonna go with that

“And they will love me for it!” Dewey, sweetie, that’s only how it works half the time

I loved all the man-snake stuff. Made me giggle

Man snake be THICC. HOT DAMN

I love the little pig ref. HE’S SO CUTE

Jormungandr knows how to pump up a crowd

So, like, is everyone in the audience technically DEAD?! That makes this episode slightly darker. I dig it

 I wonder if Jormungandr sees Earth’s destruction as a good thing for Earth. Like if he genuinely thinks they’d be better off in Valhalla. Or if he’s just a bastard who wants to watch the world burn

Scrooge is a bit too into playing the heel

The way Scrooge moves and the faces he makes as the Millionaire Miser remind me of Glomgold

“I watch a lot of wrestling while I fly.” “Wait, while?” This exchange always cracks me up

“Uncle Scrooge is the greatest hero of all time.” “Huh, I guess not everyone thinks so.” I feel like this is foreshadowing later events

RIP Announcer Puffin

“DIBS ON ANNOUNCING!” A dude just got KO’d bro! Have a bit of respect

And the return of the dynamic sports announcer duo. Glad Huey got his badge

I NEED MORE WRESTLING ANNOUNCER LP

Strongbeard is DOPE

“How did you know that?” “Just calling it like I see it. WRESTLING!” The real reason Launchpad knows is because he’s actually Thor but doesn’t remember. I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

FEAR THE BEARD

“What matters is I’m doing the right thing.” I don’t know, you really seem to enjoy being a heel

This whole match is great

Dewey, there ARE NO RULES IN WRESTLING. Plus you aren’t the ref, so you can’t make that call

I have very inappropriate jokes go through my head when only one arm absorbs the beard energy

“I am so confused.” CONSTANT MOOD

DID SCROOGE NARUTO RUN AT STRONGBEARD?!

I like that Scrooge dives onto him the same way he dives into his bin

LP is so excited he pushes Huey out of the way for NO REASON

HOLY FUCK THAT DUDE THREW A CHAIR AT A CHILD!

All the bone cracking in this episode made me uncomfortable, as in my bones hurt during it

“He is such a good guy.” I’d say he’s a fair guy, not necessarily a good guy

“Which two of you will fight for me?” Webby has been waiting for this moment her WHOLE LIFE

Louie, always taking time to make that money

Who gave him a shirt cannon?!

I love that the dude comes up wearing the shirt

Dewey just slaps Scrooge in the face

Champ POPular! Too cute! I love his hair and outfit. Though I don’t think Champ POPular’s “too popular to hate.” If anything he might annoy people due to his popularity

I thought he was gonna pull out yo-yos as his “finishing touch” and I was sad when it was lollipops even though that makes more sense. BRING BACK THE YO-YOS!

“Do all the fighting and make sure he doesn’t die.” That is a valid concern

WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU! I’D KNOW IT ANYWHERE

Huey taking notes is adorable

“Just in time for the tag-team round.” “Wait, they’re playing tag now?! MAN!” I love how Danny says MAN

How does Huey not know what a tag-team is? It’s a pretty common term

I love Launchpad’s reading face

Dewey has red, blue, and green lollipops. Cute

“HE’S THROWING LOLLIPOPS BECAUSE HE THINKS WE’RE SUCKERS!” That took me off guard and I laughed so hard

“I’ve known you my whole life, I kinda knew how this would play out.” Louie is genre savvy. Perhaps too savvy. He’s gonna figure out he’s in a tv show

“More like Champ POP..ulation zero because he has no friends...in Friendtown.” I fail to see how that was any worse than LP’s “more like Champ UN-POPular.”

“WE HATE YOU NOW!” Tough crowd

Huey’s face after that. I just want to pinch his lil cheeks

WEBBY DON’T NEED NO WRESTLER NAME

It TOTALLY went over my head that they censored Hela with Hecka (at least they used her better than the MCU did. WE COULD HAVE HAD SO MUCH BETTER)

I would let her pin me to the mat and crush my skull in

“Oh, COME ON, THIS is what you like?! A creepy goth and her pet dog!” SHUT UP, DEWEY, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT! I’m surprised Webby didn’t slap him for the “creepy goth” comment seeing as Lena is goth and misunderstood

“HECKA YEAH! HECKA YEAH!” SHE’S SO COOL AND SEXY AND SHE HAS A DOG

Poor Huey, he’s doing his best. Hope he takes a shower later because he got pretty sweaty

HECKA COULD STEP ON ME AND I’D SAY THANK YOU

Why did Huey have all those corn puns?

“YOU’RE THE WORST! YOU’RE THE WORST!” It’s just not Huey’s day

“You don’t have to try to make it sound great, it already is.” Did this remind anyone else of Dewey’s “don’t overthink it” advice to Launchpad from Double-O Duck? He’s doing his best to help Huey

I WANT HECKA TO DESTROY ME

“EMBRACE THE BOOZE BOOS.”

Poor Dewey

WEBBY IS A BEAST! SHE WAS BORN FOR THIS!

“EMBRACE YOUR INNER HEEL!” Cuz being a heel is fun!

DUDE, WEBBY TOOK DOWN THE GODDESS OF DEATH WITH NOTHING BUT HER LEGS AND THIGHS! WE STAN!

I like that Fenny has knee pads on

“AW, YOU’RE SO DANGEROUS AND CUTE! I JUST WANT TO PET YOUR LITTLE BELLY!” WEBBY IS ME

“A classic ‘who’s a good boy?’ gambit!” AND I’D FALL FOR IT TOO! SUCH A GOOD BOI

“Wait, am I the Launchpad here?” Bitch, you WISH

“YOU CAN’T GIVE CANDY TO A DOG!” This is why you don’t have a pet, Dewey

“WHOA, back from THE DEAD for the QUEEN of the DEAD!”

Kind of a dick move, Louie

AIR GUITAR!

Jormungandr looks like a Masters of the Universe knock-off toy

WHO’S A GOOD BOI? YOU ARE!

“With a toxic personality” I think you’re projecting a bit, Jormungandr 

How does Huey not know what a battle royale is? That is a very common term! Hell, there is a well known book and movie with that title!

“I’m just a humble, noble snake man of the people.” Why does the term snake man make me laugh so much?  

WOY REFERENCE FTW

Dewey needs a hug! And some therapy would probably be a good idea

Scrooge’s speech started on a good note then went downhill FAST

“And lastly, I’ll use the dust of your bones as sweetener in my tea.” DAMN

“TOO FAR!” I DON’T THINK IT’S FAR ENOUGH! TELL HIM HOW YOU WILL BATHE IN HIS BLOOD

FUCK YEAH BEAKLEY!

SHE GAVE HIM THE CHAIR! I think this CONFIRMS Beakley as a wrestling fan

“I know we’re supposed to take over for Scrooge one day, but do you ever wonder if maybe we’re not cut out for it?” YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO WONDER THOSE THINGS AT ALL! 

Louie’s like WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT!

“Be LP” My new mantra

Aw, Louie sees Dewey as a hero. Like how LP saw Drake as a hero. I think @drakepad is onto something, this scene and the fight scene seem WAAAAY too much like Drake’s intro to be just a coincidence

I keep saying this, but Louie should consider a career in motivational speaking. He knows what people need to hear

“Let’s do this!” “I don’t know.” “Let’s Dewey this?” “I’m in.”

“I’LL SHED YOUR SKIN FOR YOU!” If he hadn’t of had an old man back moment that would have been a BRUTAL CUT

OMG WAS LAUNCHPAD WEARING THAT THE WHOLE TIME? You see his clothes fly off when he jumps in the ring

“Whoa. In a COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED TWIST, the announcer was Captain Crash THIS WHOLE TIME!” LP does underground wrestling matches in his spare time, TELL ME I’M WRONG

“YOUR CATCHPHRASES ARE FORCED!” I agree, Dewey could have done WAY BETTER

I like Louie just GLARING at the dude who insulted Dewey’s catchphrase

LP looks so proud of Huey

“I don’t care at all, why should I?” Methinks the snake man doth protest too much

I like how Jormungandr’s pupils are thinner during the climax. It shows off his true nature

Dewey should have been the one to do a spin attack, ya know, cuz he’s Sonic? I’ll go now

“The Pop never Stops.” That was better

WHERE ARE ALL THESE CHAIRS COMING FROM?!

I LEGIT thought Strongbeard was gonna throw Dewey his axe and I was like Dewey wouldn’t be able to lift that

SUPER SAIYAN DEWEY! Also was that a TIGER SNARL?

I like the ice pack on Launchpad’s head. Just because he can take a lot of damage doesn’t mean that LP is immune to pain

I like that the crowd CHANGED THEIR BANNERS! Nice

LOUIE AND WEBBY LOOKED SO CUTE!

LP tearing up

“A true people’s hero” I feel like that phrase will come back in relation to other characters (cough DW cough)

Scrooge is such a little shit, it’s kind of adorable

THAT END SHOT! THAT SONG!

This was a SUPER FUN EPISODE! I couldn’t really tell where they were going and I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT! I wish we had gotten Huey in some wrestling gear but maybe next time. I like the message that doing the right thing isn’t always popular but I kind of feel like Dewey getting the crowd on his side muddled the message somewhat. Poor Dewey needs therapy or something so he doesn’t feel like he needs CONSTANT approval. Again, he’s 11 YEARS OLD and shouldn’t be put into such a serious position. LP was VIP this episode. I’m bummed we’re on hiatus again, but WHAT an episode to end on!

[7-wonders]

To Fight the Powers that Be

Summary: Duncan Shepherd decides that, before he makes (Y/N) prove that she won’t go to the police about the crimes she’s witnessed, he needs to teach her a bit about defending herself.

Word Count: 3438

A/N: Welcome back to another chapter of Memento Mori, my crime boss!Duncan Shepherd AU story! I sincerely hope you enjoy. Likes, reblogs, and comments are much appreciated, if you feel so inclined, and my inbox is always open for people to chat. Finally, a big thanks to @lvngdvns for thrusting this idea to the forefront of this fandom’s mind, and to my beloved @divinelangdon for being a constant support throughout this writing process.

Warnings: Trespassing, mentions of mafia dealings, guns. All of the knowledge about guns in this chapter is from the brain of yours truly, who has trained around guns since she was 10.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2: To Fight the Powers that Be

In the three days since (Y/N) had been abruptly dumped in the living room of her apartment after being kidnapped, she had gotten a total of ten hours of sleep. It wasn’t that she was scared of the Shepherd family; no, she was downright terrified. Her eyes burned from a lack of sleep, her stomach churned from all of the caffeine she had forced down her throat, and her mind raced with paranoid thoughts at every unfamiliar sight and sound she encountered. Any person she hadn’t seen before, any sound she hadn’t heard before, anything that looked out of place, immediately had her spine stiffening and her heart thumping.

Her friends and coworkers had all been extremely concerned when she showed up in public with bruises of varying shades and a noticeable cut above her left eyebrow. She had been able to convince them that she had been jumped on her way home the other night, but that only served to have everyone try and contact the police on her behalf. Frantically, (Y/N) had to think quickly and say that the police had been contacted and that they were being careful due to the possibility of this being related to gang activity; a half-lie. They had still been worried, of course, but were willing to acquiesce now that they believed the authorities were involved. What they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them--it’s what they did know that would hurt them.

(Y/N) couldn’t decide if Shepherd and his goons not showing up yet was a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe they had finally come to their senses and decided that she’s not actually a threat to their massive crime syndicate. They could also simply be laying in wait, biding their time for the perfect moment to kill her and make it look like an accident. It seems far more likely, however, that they’re just enjoying drawing out the wait and making her squirm. 

Opening the door to her apartment, (Y/N)’s immediately aware that something is wrong. The door leading to her bedroom is closed, and she’s certain that it was open before she left this morning. A sensible person would backtrack out of the apartment and call the police, but a sensible person also doesn’t get wrapped up in mafia dealings. If (Y/N) calls the cops and it does turn out that whoever’s in her apartment has been sent by Duncan Shepherd to kill her, there’s no telling what would happen to her loved ones and herself, provided she survive fighting off a trained assassin.

Quietly opening the closet door to her left, (Y/N) grabs the baseball bat her father insisted she keep handy in case of intruders. At the time, she had rolled her eyes and made fun of it, but now she’s thankful she had listened. She’s grateful that the door doesn’t bang against the frame, or that the handle doesn’t make a sound when she releases it. 

(Y/N) holds her breath as she creeps closer to her bedroom, the bat clutched tightly in her hands and held up like she’s ready to swing at a pitch. She can’t help but feel a bit like the cliche “final girl” in a horror movie, bravely, yet stupidly advancing towards the danger that lies straight ahead. Stepping over a part of the floor that she knows is capable of creaking loudly, (Y/N) feels a surge of adrenaline rush through her now that she’s right outside of the door. It’s open just a crack, and hearing rustling from inside confirms her fears that someone had broken into her home.

Deep breath, (Y/N) thinks, closing her eyes and attempting to gather up enough courage to actually go in and face the intruder head-on. Her grip on the bat tightens, and she starts to count to three.

1...she moves her knee against the door.

2...she opens her eyes and steadies herself.

3...she kicks the door open with a gusto.

Without giving herself time to think, (Y/N) charges into her bedroom with her weapon at the ready. The room’s dark, so she can’t see who is here with her, but she does see that it’s someone tall and broad-shouldered. She immediately swings for the person’s head, but they’re faster than she is. 

Within seconds (Y/N)’s disarmed and pinned up against the wall, an arm over her shoulders and a hand over her mouth. She’s breathing heavily, shaking from the fear that death is now imminent, when she finally realizes that the blue eyes she’s staring into are Duncan Shepherd’s blue eyes.

“You’re not going to scream if I remove my hand, now, are you (Y/N)?” his silky voice cuts through the air. He’s satisfied when she shakes her head as far as she can with the limited mobility that being caught in Shepherd’s grasp allows, and pulls his hand away from her face. “Good girl.”

(Y/N) scoffs and attempts to push him off of her, but is disheartened to find that he barely budges. “It’s rude to break into somebody’s house, you know. You could have at least called ahead.”

“I’ll remember that for next time.”

“How did you even get in here?” The moment she asks the question, she knows the answer. Choosing to avoid his smug retort, she keeps talking. “For a mafia boss, you’re not very stealthy.”

“Trust me, if I didn’t want you to know I was here, you wouldn’t.” She wants to call his bluff, but the look that he’s giving her lets her know that he’s completely serious. “Nice little place you’ve got here, by the way. It’s...comfortable.”

“What do you want, Duncan? I’m guessing you didn’t come here to make small talk.”

“You’re correct.” He releases his hold on her, and she breathes deeply at the sudden lack of a weight over her chest.

“Need me to run drugs? Go…” she racks her brain, trying to think of what a man like him would need from someone like her, “go and rough somebody up?”

Duncan chuckles, picking up a photo on (Y/N)’s dresser of her and her parents at her high school graduation and looking at it idly. “I actually was going to give you your first assignment, but then I realized: you’ve had absolutely no sort of training whatsoever, self-defense or otherwise. I may be cruel, but I’m not cruel enough to throw somebody into the lion’s den completely unprepared.”

“I know loads of self-defense!” (Y/N) yelps when Duncan crosses the room quickly and grabs her wrist, pulling her arm straight, and examining her palm.

“No, you don’t. Look at you,” Duncan mutters, lightly tracing over the planes of her hand, “these are not the hands of someone who’s fought before.”

“I’ve been in fights before!” A lie, but she might as well run with it now that she’s gone this far.

“Don’t lie to me, (Y/N). You’re lucky that I decided to stop by instead of Langdon; he doesn’t tolerate liars.” A chill runs up her spine at the thought of that horrendous man.

“If you only came here to make fun of me, I’d rather you just kill me instead.”

“Now, that’s not the only reason.” Duncan lets go of (Y/N)’s hand and walks out of her bedroom, leaving her standing utterly confused.

“Wh-where are you going?”

“I’m going to teach you how to defend yourself, of course.” He looks behind his shoulder at her, a small smile on his face. “Are you coming or not?”

//

She hadn’t been expecting Duncan to take her to an elaborate gym tucked in the middle of the city, but she hadn’t been expecting most events that had happened to her lately. “You own this, then?” (Y/N) asks, following Duncan through the deserted lobby. 

“Technically, no. However, the owners of this business have a contract with my family, where we invest in the business and make sure that there’s no competition in this area in exchange for a cut of their profits and use of the property however we see fit.”

(Y/N) wrinkles her nose. “All illegal, I’m guessing?” Duncan remains silent, but the smirk playing on his lips tells her that she’s right on the nose. “So what sort of self-defense are you going to teach me today?”

“Nothing too strenuous, don’t worry.” She comes to a stop at a door marked ‘private,’ Duncan entering a password on the keypad and pressing his hand to the screen that opens up underneath the keypad. The LED light blinks green and a mechanical hissing signify the unlocking of the door, which Duncan quickly opens. “Today, we’ll most likely just work on weapons training.”

“There’s an entire shooting range back here!” (Y/N) notes in awe, taking in the sight of a large gun range behind the inconspicuous door that they came through. Upon realizing that Duncan’s already walked ahead of her and is unlocking a large cabinet, she hurries to catch up to him.

“You’ve never held a gun before,” Duncan notes, opening the cabinet to reveal a large arsenal of guns. All different models, sizes, types; (Y/N)’s pretty sure that if there’s a gun that’s been manufactured before, the Shepherd family owns it. 

“I--”

“Don’t try to deny it. I could tell the moment I looked at your hands earlier.” When she quirks a questioning brow, Duncan elaborates. “You don’t have any sort of calluses on your trigger finger, or where your hands would rest against a gun.”

“I have to admit, I’m pretty impressed at what you can tell just from looking at a person’s hands.”

He chuckles, looking through his catalogue’s worth of guns before grabbing one off of the wall. It’s a handgun, that much she’s certain, but she doesn’t know anything else about the weapon beside that. “This is a Glock.” Duncan holds out the gun to (Y/N), who nods.

“I have no clue what that means.”

“It’s the type of gun.”

“So I’m guessing it’s a good gun?”

“Yes, it’s an extremely good gun.” He notices how apprehensively she’s staring at it and sighs. “Lesson number one: don’t be afraid of the gun. It’s not going to do anything that you don’t want it to. Especially when it’s not loaded.”

(Y/N) bites back a mean-spirited comment. “I’m not afraid of the gun, I’m just not quite sure what I’m supposed to do with an unloaded gun.”

“We’re going to load it.” Pressing a small button on the side, a piece of the gun slides out of the bottom while the top slides back. “This is the magazine, where the bullets are stored. Typically, any gun that you receive will already be loaded, but it’s good to learn how to load a gun.”

He hands her the empty magazine and sets a box of bullets on the table, watching with a skilled eye as she examines the shiny lead pieces. Picking one up, she holds it between her fingers and rolls it around in her palm before putting it in the magazine. “Like that?”

“Yes, perfect.” She repeats her actions until 13 rounds have been loaded. “Now load it back into the gun. Don’t be soft about it, you need to do it quickly so you can hear it click into place.”

This part’s a little more difficult, but she still manages to get the magazine back into the gun. “What do I do now? The top part is still out.”

“Hand me the gun.” (Y/N) does as she’s told, and watches as Duncan handles the weapon like he’s had a gun in his hand from the moment he was born. “Racking the slide back is tricky, as it’s really easy to get your hand pinched when the slide goes back into place.”

She holds her breath as the gun does exactly as he said it would, sliding back into place harshly. If she had been the one to do that, it’s almost a guarantee that she would now have an injured hand.

“Don’t ever point a gun at anything unless you’re prepared and willing to shoot. Hopefully, it will not come to you ever having to actually shoot, but just pointing it at a person takes an extraordinary amount of willpower.” 

Duncan presses a small piece next to the trigger, which (Y/N) figures with her limited amount of firearm knowledge to be the safety. Gripping the gun with one hand, he lifts his arm and points the weapon at a target with the silhouette of a person on it across the room. He doesn’t even have to look through the sight before he fires, staring down the range and delicately pulling the trigger a millisecond after (Y/N) claps her hands over her ears. The gun fires twice, one bullet striking the chest, and the other striking the head.

“Now it’s your turn.” Duncan turns the safety back on before he gives the gun back to (Y/N), and she attempts to mimic the stance that he had assumed when shooting.

The gun feels even more foreign in her hand now, the metal still slightly hot from recently being fired. It’s heavy, and it doesn’t feel right as she holds it like Duncan had. Looking over at him with a frown, no words are necessary when her face expresses her displeasure.

“May I?” Duncan asks, gesturing to her hands. (Y/N) nods, and Duncan moves behind her. “Your grip is too tense,” he mutters, gently adjusting her grip on the gun. 

“Wasn’t aware you could hold a gun too tightly.”

“It affects the trajectory of your bullet, miss know-it-all.” He takes a step back to look over her stance, nodding to himself. “Now place your other hand on the bottom of the gun. You’ll want some more force to keep the gun from recoiling too hard on your first time shooting.”

“I can’t hold it with one hand like you did?”

Duncan shakes his head. “Just--shoot, and you’ll see why you need two hands.” Taking a deep breath, (Y/N) clicks off the safety just as Duncan had and stares down the room at the target against the other wall. 

She’s not sure what she thought shooting a gun would be like, but whatever her imagination had decided was nothing when it came to actually shooting the gun. The moment she pulls the trigger, the gun jumps in her grasp, and she has to hold on even tighter to keep it from flying out of her hands. The sound of the gun going off reminds her of a small cannon, and her ears ring from the proximity. There’s not a third hole to join the previous two on the picture of the target, which means she completely missed.

“Holy shit,” she breathes, shakily turning the safety back on before setting the gun down on the table.

“Told you that you’d need both hands on the gun.” Duncan tries not to sound smug, but that’s impossible when the regular tone of his voice is smug.

“I didn’t think it’d do that!”

Duncan bites his lip to keep from laughing. “Come on, try it again. I want to at least see you hit the target before we’re done.”

Although (Y/N) eyes him warily, she still picks up the gun and resumes the same stance. This time, she’s a little more prepared when she fires, but she still manages to completely miss the target as she puts most of her focus on keeping the gun from jumping.

“It’s useless to try and teach me.” She scrunches her nose, trying to get rid of the ringing in her ears. “I’m not going to hit that stupid target, and if things go the way I’m hoping then I won’t even have to pull a gun on someone.”

“But if it does come to that, wouldn’t you want to have some sort of assurance that you will at least hit somebody if you need to shoot them?”

“Yes,” she admits begrudgingly. 

“Is it alright if I help you, then?”

“Yeah, sure.” (Y/N) watch Duncan closely as he moves behind her again. “Just--no funny business, mister.”

He huffs out a laugh, but nods. “Eyes on your target,” he mutters into her ear.

Duncan’s chest rests against (Y/N)’s back as his arms loop around her, coming to rest on top of her hands. (Y/N)’s breath hitches, imperceptibly to most, but to someone with the ability to read people like a seasoned FBI agent, that small tic of emotion is clear as day to Duncan. Laying his chin on her shoulder, he lifts the gun, and her arms, up to point at the target.

“The key,” he says quietly, his chest rumbling with the vibrations of his voice, “is when you shoot. People think that the way they breathe doesn’t affect the shot, but it does. You want to pull the trigger when you exhale.”

(Y/N)’s shoulders are tense as she tries not to think about the dangerous crime boss that could easily kill her with the position they’re both currently in. “Okay, shoot on the exhale. Got it.”

“Look through your sight on the exhale before you shoot, that way you can get a feel for where you’re shooting.”

“Pretty sure I won’t have enough time to do all this when there’s some goon coming at me with the sole objective to kill me.”

“It becomes much easier after you’ve practiced a few times.”

“Like riding a bike,” she mutters.

“Pick where you’re going to shoot.” He redirects her attention to the task at hand. (Y/N) aims for the chest, where Duncan had first shot, and desperately tries to keep her hands steady. “Ready?”

“I think so.” She’s not ready, but there’s no time like the present, so she tries to convince herself as well as Duncan of the opposite.

Duncan places his trigger finger over hers. “Breathe in,” he commands, breathing in with her so she has no choice but to follow. “Out, and shoot.”

As (Y/N)’s shoulders come back down with an exhale, Duncan waits until he feels the muscle of her trigger finger start to tense as she pulls the trigger, only moving when she does. The gun moves far less than it has previously, another set of hands helping to keep it in the position that it’s supposed to be in. (Y/N) still twitches a little bit when she shoots, and the bullet doesn’t land where she planned for it to be. Instead, it’s a few inches up, hitting the target in the side of the neck. 

“Damn,” she mutters, relaxing back into Duncan’s grasp without noticing she’s doing so, “really thought I had that.”

“It was much better than last time,” he reassures her. “After all, you actually hit the target.”

(Y/N) cranes her head back to glare at him, the smile on her face betraying her. “Rude,” she admonishes. 

The smile on her face freezes when she realizes that she’s still wrapped in Duncan’s arms, the man awkwardly clearing his throat and unwrapping his arms from around her. She looks ahead at the target, anything to avoid looking him in the eyes.

“I think that’ll be good for today, now that you’ve at least held and shot a gun.”

“Yeah, that’s--that’s a good idea.” She walks towards the wall, grabbing the bag she had hastily snagged on her way out of her apartment. “Are my ears always going to ring like that?”

Duncan shakes his head. “No. Eventually, you’ll get used to the sound.”

“Great. Cool.” She bobs her head, trying to think of something else to say. “Um, see ya around, I guess?”

“Have a good night, (Y/N).” She nearly rushes out of the door as soon as Duncan makes it clear he’s done with her for now, waiting until the cool evening air hits her face outside to process what had happened.

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she whispers, running a hand through her hair as she walks quickly down the sidewalk.

(Y/N)’s not going to let herself get flustered from minor physical contact. She’s stared death in the eye now; there’s no reason to get nervous about the leader of a mob teaching her how to shoot. Still, she finds herself haunted by Duncan Shepherd for the rest of the night, his scent lingering on the air, his touch still ghosting along her skin, and his eyes haunting her in her dreams.

//

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[dangerouscommiesubversive]

Kairi and Keichiiro, M with “Color and Light” from Sunday in the Park with George. (Quick Summary of the song, George is painting obsessively and doesn’t really notice anything outside of what he’s doing, and Dot (his girlfriend) is getting ready for a night out, kind of feeling inadequate, and it just slowly morphs into them admiring each other without the other noticing) maybe Keichiiro obsessing over a case with Kairi kinda feeling like he’s not good enough? But with a happy end??

M is for music. The song is “Color and Light,” and can be found on Spotify or YouTube.

Anon, I’m going to assume that you don’t know how much I love Sondheim, or for that matter how much I love both Mandy Patinkin and Bernadette Peters, but I’d like you to know that this prompt has brought me a great deal of joy.

Children are missing, and Keiichiro’s barely slept in a week.

They can’t prove it’s kaijin-related. Technically, his strike team doesn’t need to be involved. Technically this is a case for local law enforcement. But there are just enough little signs and tantalizing hints that every instinct he has screams, monsters, and he can’t stop. He goes out and interviews people, he looks at the scenes of disappearances. There’s a map on the wall at headquarters with colored pins--red for still missing, yellow for disappearances with promising hints, green for children now found, white for the few incidents that turned out to be misunderstandings.

So many of the pins are red.

He has three unopened texts from Kairi, and a missed call. He knows he should read the texts and listen to the voicemail, that he should eat something solid, that he should lie down. But children are missing.

He paces in front of the map and its pins. Red, red, red, white, red, green, red, yellow, green, red, white. There’s a pattern. He knows there’s a pattern. If only he could see it.

Kairi’s probably worrying. He should text back.

Director Hilltop says, “Keiichiro, you need to go home and get some rest.”

“Not yet,” he says, staring at the pins. “I think I’ve almost got it.”

He glances at his phone again. Three unopened texts, one missed call and attendant voicemail. Kairi deserves better than this, really, he deserves someone who’ll pay attention to him. Keiichiro will have to apologize later.

But right now--right now he’s almost got it.

--

If Keiichiro doesn’t reply to him soon, Kairi’s considering resorting to sending nudes.

Of course, he doesn’t know if Keiichiro’s even looked at the other texts; his phone isn’t even set up to send read receipts. Maybe he’s leaving Kairi on read, or maybe he’s not opening them at all, and honestly Kairi’s not sure which one is worse. And then he is, because being left on read is awful, but not nearly as bad as being ignored completely. Even if it’s for a good reason, even if it’s to save lives.

it feels selfish to say, or even think, but sometimes it sucks being in a relationship with someone who’s so dedicated to the whole saving people thing.

The thought coalesces into something more selfish, and also worse in other ways: it sucks being in a relationship with someone special. He’s done good stuff of his own, sure, but Keiichiro’s so good he practically glows.

The thought of that glow, at least, is warming. So Kairi doesn’t feel much better, but he does flop back on Keiichiro’s couch, bite his own lips until they’re red, and take a selfie, which he sends to Keiichiro with the caption, [u gotta come home eventually babe].

--

Keiichiro feels his phone buzz, but he’s in the middle of a revelation, so he doesn’t check it right away. Instead he says, “I think--” and cuts himself off as he draws lines between red pins, between red and yellow, between yellow and white. Tsukasa’s over his shoulder adding in lines of her own, Jim Carter’s running analyses so fast that he’s buzzing, Sakuya’s on the phone with the local people. Director Hilltop looks just as exhausted as he feels, but smiles anyway.

He figures it out. He knows where the missing kids are. They know where the missing kids are.

He says, “Let’s get going.”

Tsukasa says, “Nope. We’re going. You’re going home.”

“What? No, I’m going with you.”

“If you try to come with us you’ll collapse, you’ve been here for three days and you’ve barely been eating.”

“What? I had a pastry just last, it hasn’t been three--what day is it?”

“Saturday.”

“Shit.”

“Noël’s already on his way to back us up. And we called--uh. Blue. He’s also going to back us up, him and...and Also Blue. She’s good with kids.”

Sakuya hands him a cup of coffee. “Go home. Oh, and check your texts.”

Keiichiro takes a sip of coffee and nearly falls over as all of the exhaustion he’s been holding back hits at once. He manages not to drop his coffee, and he pulls out his phone with his other hand and checks his texts.

There are definitely words in them. He doesn’t read them. He’s too distracted by the selfie in the last one, and the mesmerizing curve of Kairi’s mouth.

He drains the last of his coffee, and Director Hilltop and Tsukasa basically gang up and push him out the door.

--

Kairi jumps when the apartment door opens, and then scrambles to his feet when Keiichiro stumbles through the door, looking tired to the bone. “I’m guessing you saved the day?”

“Nope.” Keiichiro doesn’t actually look upset, though, which is explained when he follows this with, “The other two are saving the day, Noël’s on his way from France to help out. They made me go home.”

“Yeah? Good. Have you even slept? Or, like, eaten anything?”

“Not in. Uh. An amount of time that I’m not really clear on. But I figured stuff out! I helped save the day.” Keiichiro looks blearily up at Kairi as he’s tugging his shoes off, and Kairi can see the glow, there in his eyes and his chest and the lopsided exhausted grin. “Also I missed you, I’m sorry I didn’t answer your texts.”

“Nah, it’s cool, you were working.” Kairi helps him over to the couch, and then yelps in surprise when Keiichiro grabs him around the waist and sits down with a thump.

“What would I do without you,” Keiichiro mumbles into the side of his neck.

“What are you talking about, I haven’t even gotten you something to eat yet. Which I will, if you let go of me.”

Keiichiro just holds onto him tighter. “No. I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Kei-chan.” Kairi swats ineffectively at his arms, face warm with sudden embarrassment. “But you gotta eat something.”

[jaehyun-eclipsed]

Before I Met You | Fourteen

Updates: Sundays

Pairing: NCT (Jaehyun, Lucas, Mark, Jaemin, Johnny) X Reader/OC

Genre: Romance, Angst, Coming of Age

Summary: Four. There were four people before I fell in love with you… Here are their stories.

Warnings: Some swearing 

Before I Met You Masterlist

Prev | Next

Jeno started spending more time studying in the dining room. Occasionally, he would greet me or wave, but mostly he just stared. I would be working and look up to meet his gaze. He’d maintain eye contact for several seconds – never seeming surprised, never showing any expression – before slowly turning back to his laptop and acting as if nothing happened.

I still haven’t been able to figure out why he does it. Given his comments that one time I happened to be eavesdropping, I thought it was just because he knew something about his roommate. But I haven’t been with Jaemin in a while and I’m not totally convinced it’s because Jeno himself is interested in me. He doesn’t do anything else except stare.

It’s been a month since I last spent time with Jaemin. I actually haven’t been seeing him around much except a few late nights when he comes home or decides shoot a few balls at the pool table. With midterms and applications for research positions, there wasn’t much time to indulge in anymore shenanigans related to Jaemin or Jisu. It wasn’t really any of my concern, but I got the feeling that they were no longer together because a couple weeks ago, Jisu’s profile picture was now a photo of just herself.

And so, like most of the college friendships I’d had thus far, I thought that was the end of this one. It was a friendship of convenience that wouldn’t last beyond saying “hi” when we ran into each other at home. Maybe it was a sign… cosmic confirmation that he wasn’t someone I should be spending much time with. I got the taste of the chase without needing to commit long term and then I could go back to living my boring, studious life as usual.

But something doesn’t feel right about that conclusion. It’s too simple.

After dinner, I gather my freshly cleaned dishes and other kitchen supplies to put back into the cabinets. The house is rather quiet, its residents out for the night to have a head start to a three-day weekend. My parents are coming into town to visit and I have some cleaning and packing to do before they arrive.    

Suddenly, the silence is interrupted by a loud clacking from the dining room. Someone is playing pool.

I wonder if that’s…

I shake my head, grabbing my mug and walking over to the water dispenser to refill it with hot water. As I cross the kitchen, I quickly pass by the door leading into the dining room and see the source of the sounds. I squint, barely able to make out a familiar figure with brown hair in the dimly lit room.  

That looks like Jaemin?

There’s a part of me that wants to go talk to him, but another part of me is… nervous? Nervous that it would be weird considering we haven’t spoken and we’re not exactly friends. I suppose I’m afraid that he doesn’t want to talk to me. But my curiosity rules out the insecure part of me and I make a beeline for the dining room.

Jaemin’s leaning over the short end of the pool table, cue stick lined up to take a shot into the left pocket on the opposite side. My eyes scan over his body, taking note of his choice of clothing. He’s in a simple white t-shirt and black jeans. It looks particularly good on him. He lifts his head to look over his left arm, locking eyes with me for a moment before turning back to refocus his shot.

“Hey,” he says before quickly pulling back the stick and slamming it into the cue ball, sending the solid purple ball flying into the left pocket.

“Hey. Nice shot.”

“Thanks.”

I place my hand on the rim of the table, skimming it along the edge as I walk around it, choosing to stop at a spot that’s across from Jaemin.

“So how are you?” I ask.

“Not bad.”

“How are classes going?”

He sighs. “They’re… they’re going. They’re still hard.”

“Oh…” I remark. “That doesn’t sound… great.”

There’s a pause before I remember the results of my physics exam.

“Oh! Guess what?!” I say excitedly.

“What?” he asks, shooting another ball into the middle pocket.

“I got an A on my physics exam!” I say with a wide smile.

“That’s great! I’m so proud of you!”

I press my lips together. I’ve never known how to properly accept compliments other than giving a small smile and a very quiet “thank you.” I suppose that’s all that’s really necessary.

“Yeah, I’m really happy about it.”  

“I’m sure you are. I didn’t do so well on my second midterm.” He shrugs, then moves to the adjacent side of the pool table to hit another ball. “So what do you have planned for the rest of the night?” 

“Um, I’m just doing some cleaning.”

“Oh, fun,” he remarks, a hint of sarcasm underlying his response. “Hey, do you think I can hit that?” he suddenly asks.

The green ball that Jaemin is pointing to is sitting several inches off-center of the table. The angle isn’t the best, but if one is precise, it seems manageable.

“Yeah, I think you can.”

“Really? The angle isn’t very good.”

He sets up his aim from the corner of the table, hitting the cue ball precisely. It slowly collides with the solid green ball, having provided just enough power not to knock the green ball off its trajectory into the middle pocket.  

“See,” I remark in confirmation.

He moves to the middle of the table and looks at me. “What kind of collision do I need to make sure that the cue ball doesn’t go in when I hit that blue one?”

The blue ball is positioned several inches away from the far left pocket, directly up against the wall. From experience – meaning online pool – I remember that anything placed really close to a pocket has a risk of the cue ball falling in after it. You need to make sure that you hit it hard enough so the cue ball rolls back after it collides with the ball near the pocket to avoid scratching.

Is he seriously testing me on physics right now? What if I don’t have the right answer? I mean, I know he doesn’t really care. But I don’t want to get it wrong. Why do I feel so self-conscious about getting it wrong anyway?  

“What?! Seriously?!” I exclaim.        

“It’s physics! Come on! What kind of collision do I need? You know this!”

Momentum will be conserved. An inelastic collision means that kinetic energy is not conserved and the second object will either be slightly deformed on contact or the objects will stick together. That’s not the case here so it has to be elastic so that kinetic energy will be conserved.  

“Um, elastic, right?”

“Yeah! Like this!”

Jaemin takes his shot, causing the cue ball to fly across the table and slam into the blue ball, sending it into the pocket. A successful turn without a scratch.

I look up at him and smile. He returns the gesture, clearly pleased with his technique.

“I’m going to try and hit that orange one in front of you,” he says, moving to my side of the table.

In the process of raising his cue stick to place back onto the table, he swings it towards me, nearly hitting me in the face. I jump back in surprise.

“You almost hit me!”

He quickly spins around. “I did?!”

“Almost!”

“Oh!” he says in relief. He walks behind me and places his hand on my back, gently pushing me several steps over to the left. “Yeah, you should probably stand over here.”  

Why are you touching me like that?    

“Do you think you can hit this?” he asks, pointing to the red ball with the cue.

Probably not. I don’t know how to hit.  

“No…” I say quietly.

“Have you ever played pool?”

“Um, does online pool count?” I ask sheepishly. “I played a lot of that when I was younger.”

“Okay, then how should I hit this, Online Pool Master?”

I snort at his joke. “I haven’t played in so long! And that only required using one finger on a mouse to shoot.”

“You’ve never hit in real life?”

“Uh, when I was little, my uncle took me to a bar and I hit a couple balls. So technically, I have…”

“Okay, so you can do this!” He offers the cue to me. “Do you want to play a game?”

“No…”

“But you’ve played before!”  

“I – did that really count as playing? I don’t think so!”

He rotates the cue in his hand and lightly jabs me in the stomach. “Come on! Take it!”

“No, I don’t want to!” I whine.

If I’m being honest right now, I’m just afraid I’m going to make a fool out of myself. Why do I care about performing badly on a dumb game in front of Jaemin? I don’t know.  

“What? Is there a problem with the stick? Do you not like black?” He walks over to the fireplace that the other cue sticks are leaning against and picks up one with a brown design. “Do you want brown instead?”

I laugh, finding his quip to be… cute. “No, it’s not that either!”

“Take it!” he insists, lightly jabbing me in the stomach again.

We smile at each other for several more moments and with a reluctant sigh, I take the stick from his hand.  

“Come on!  Let’s play!” he says.

“Can’t I just provide entertainment for you?” I ask. “Verbal entertainment.”

“Verbal entertainment?” he asks skeptically.

“Yeah, you know, I’ll talk to you! Tell you jokes!”

He raises an eyebrow at me while giving a slight smirk. “I’ve heard of entertainment like movies and television…”

I chuckle. “Eh, this is just a little different. I can attempt to be a comedian.”

He shanks the next shot; the cue ball barely moves a couple inches. Formally, a scratch.  

“I’m really sad since I’m not doing well.” He looks up at me and pouts. “And it’s all because you won’t play with me.”

I bite my lip as I look back at Jaemin. He looks like a puppy. An innocent, cute –

No, stop, Y/N, Jaemin is not tugging at your heartstrings. You don’t like him like that.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m giving you moral support!”

“Play a game!” he insists.

“Noo!” I whine again.

“I won’t be happy until you play a game with me.”

“Really?” I ask, playing along with his insistence.

He doesn’t answer me.

I sigh. “Fine, but you’re going to have to teach me how to do this.”

“What?” he asks in confusion.

“Yeah, you’ll need to teach me!”

He hesitates for a moment. “I thought you said you’ve hit before?”  

“Like ten years ago!”

I also failed to mention to Jaemin that when I “played pool,” someone was standing behind me, holding the cue, pulling back, and releasing. So in actuality, I had never really “learned to hit.” It was more like imagining what it was like.  

“Okay, well, I teach little kids. So I can teach you!”

Wait, he teaches little kids how to play pool? That’s kind of strange.

“Put your right hand up!” Jaemin says, lifting his right hand.

I mimic him and giggle.

“Sometimes they put up the other hand and you have to be like, ‘No, your other right hand.’”

With a cheeky grin, I put my left hand up.

“Nope, the other one! Now, wrap it around the cue near the top of the black part.” He grips the cue just above the solid line where the color switches from black to brown. “You see, if you hold it too close to the bottom, you lack control. Same goes if you hold it too high.”

“Wait, you teach little kids how to play pool?” I ask.

“What? No! I teach little kids math and English for my education class.”

“Oh, that makes more sense. I thought you meant you teach them pool.”

“Uh, no. That would be weird.”

“Indeed.”

“All right, now your left hand has more options,” he says as he begins to demonstrate. “You can make a bridge by spreading out your fingers and placing the cue on your hand so that you can leverage it. You can also make a loop with your thumb and first finger. It’s up to you.”  

My hand attempts to imitate his hind doing the bridge. “Like this?”

“Not quite, move your thumb like –”

He hesitates before reaching for my hand, moving my thumb to be slightly closer to the rest of my fingers. “Okay, now try to hit!”

I line up my shot, laughing, rather embarrassed as I’m 99% sure I’m going to miss. “This isn’t going to go well…”

“Just hit.”

The cue slips off the top of the ball, a hollow sound resulting from mostly hitting the air.  

“Try again! We’ll play a game!”

Jaemin grabs the pool rack to place the balls into the starting position. He starts off the game, aiming the cue ball directly at the center of the triangle and effortlessly breaking the rack.

The interaction continues with a rather lengthy game of pool that included way too much banter between “just friends” and Jaemin giving me one too many do-overs every time I failed to hit anything. In the end, I had two balls left on the table.    

“Good game! You were close to winning!” Jaemin says. “I’m sure you’ll get me next time!”

I feel relieved, though, I’m not sure why I had reason to be worried in the first place. Of course he would go easy on me. It’s the first time I’ve played a game. Jaemin was never judgmental and was always patient whenever teaching me something. Plus, the fact that he didn’t seem upset about how long I took to shoot every time was… comforting.

Though, I’m not sure he would’ve been this adamant on teaching and playing a game with me if he didn’t –

“Here! Catch!”

He chucks a toy that was lying on top of the fireplace at me. The cue I’m holding falls against the pool table, hitting it with a loud thump before tipping over and onto the ground. I look at the object in my hands. It’s one of those Nerf Aero Howlers.

“What is this for?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I just found it here.” He takes several steps back into the empty space of the room. “Throw it!”

I toss the foam dart to Jaemin and walk over to the fireplace, spotting a foam football. Impulsively, I grab the ball and as I spin around, I throw it back at him, hitting him in the arm.

He smirks at me. “Oh is that how it’s gonna be?”  

My eyes widen in realization. Oh no.

He takes both objects and throws them, clearly with the intent of hitting me. And within a matter of seconds, the friendly discovery of a fun, childhood toy has turned into a play fight of very aggressive throwing. Laughter fills the room as we run back and forth to grab the foam toys off the floor before the other.

I quickly duck when Jaemin flings the dart at me, gasping as I feel it graze my cheek. His hands fly up to cover his mouth.

“You side-swiped my face!”

He rushes up to me and holds his hand held several inches away from my shoulder, evidently hesitant on touching me. “Are you okay?!”

“Yeah! It’s all good!” I laugh. “I think that’s the only time you hit me.”

“No, I hit your leg too,” he says, pressing his finger into a spot on my thigh, just below where my shorts end.

Oh so you’ll touch my leg but not my shoulder. Yeah… that’s dangerously close to “more than friends” zone.

“I think that’s enough of that,” Jaemin says. “I don’t want you getting hurt. Do you have work to do tonight?”

“Um, I wasn’t planning on doing it tonight…”

“Oh.” He grabs his backpack from the bar stool and pulls out his laptop. “I have something I need to work on that’s due Monday.”

Loud footsteps coming from the kitchen cause both of us to turn towards the doorway. Jeno comes walking past the entryway, looking at both of us. I barely catch the slight raise of the corner of Jeno’s lips as he turns away.

“I’ll be right back,” Jaemin says over his shoulder. “Jeno!” Jaemin calls, leaving me alone and following Jeno into the kitchen.

I do not want to leave.

I do not want this night to end.

And that’s when I decide I feel like doing homework.

Jeno and Jaemin are laughing about some game they were playing earlier. I glance over at Jaemin’s open laptop. He said he’s coming back, but since he’s talking to Jeno, it could take a while.

Being around Jeno still makes me nervous. I don’t know why he stares at me considering he never talks to me. I have this urge to go into the kitchen to ask Jaemin if he’s actually going to study, but I don’t really want to do it in front of Jeno. I don’t want him to get any false ideas about my hanging out with Jaemin. We’re study partners. That’s all. But I know Jeno won’t think that.

Unfortunately, the urge overpowers any sense of retaining my dignity in front of Jeno and I walk into the kitchen, lingering behind Jaemin for a few moments before speaking.

“Are you actually going to work downstairs? If so, I’ll go get my stuff.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

I avoid making eye contact with Jeno and quickly go to my room to retrieve my things. Of course, Jia asks why I’m opting to go downstairs to do homework on the night before a three-day weekend and I give her the shortest possible answer without mentioning my choice of company.

When I return back to the dining room, I set up my things across from Jaemin at the bar table.

“Have you watched any good movies lately?” he asks.

“Not really. I haven’t paid much attention to the new movies lately.”

“Do you like horror movies?”

“No!” I say emphatically.

“So you’re not interested in watching Hush?”

“Definitely not.”

Jaemin pouts. “We should watch it now!”

“Now?! I thought we were supposed to be doing homework.”

“Come on! Let’s watch it! We can set it up here and –”

Jeno and Renjun’s voices can be heard as they come down the stairs. Upon recognizing their voices, Jaemin gets up from his seat and walks into the foyer just as they reach the front door.

“Where are you guys going?”

“To get doughnuts,” Renjun responds.

“Oh. Okay.”

Jaemin holds the door open for them as they leave without another word.

Huh. They didn’t offer if he wanted to come with them or even if he wanted any. That seems… unusual. They usually do everything together.

I return my focus back to my laptop, answering some questions about the functions of the large intestine. Jaemin walks back into the room and bends down to pick up something. From the corner of my eye, I tell he has his mischievous expression on his face as he grips the dart.

“If you throw that at me, I won’t be very happy.”

My lips are slightly upturned, entertained by the playfulness of our interactions and the intuition of knowing Jaemin’s next move as my statement sounds more like an invitation for another flirtatious encounter. He remains silent, rotating the toy in his hands as he considers his next action. Despite not looking at him, I’m aware that he knows I’m still watching him from my periphery.

The dart bounces off the back of my chair.

“I didn’t throw that at you.” He puts his hand on the seat of my stool as he bends down to pick up the dart. “Just to keep you happy.”

I try to bite back a grin, but miserably fail upon looking at him. He’s clearly enjoying himself. There’s a playful smirk on his lips. However, there’s a slight sincerity in his eyes, like he genuinely enjoys being around me and wants to continue being around me.

And that’s when I recognize that feeling.

That feeling of wanting to be around someone all the time. That feeling of wanting to know what they’re thinking and secretly hoping they’re thinking of you. That feeling of wanting to make physical contact with them.

My body tenses, jaw tightening as I internalize the implication of those feelings.

There’s a slight contempt… a slight contempt as I realize that his charms have worked.

Perhaps I always knew, and up until now, I didn’t want to admit it.

Even now, I still don’t really want to admit it.

But I do know myself and I know that I can no longer deny it.  

Fuck. Y/N, you like him.

You have a crush on Na fucking Jaemin.

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