#I guess I'll have to start writing one myself
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Yep. Yeah. That's me. Almost all of it, except, i sleep well (if i manage to fall asleep) Reblogging because maybe some of you didn't know (i also didn't know)
Story time!
Too long don't read: used to sleep on private math lessons because i hate math; it takes hours for me to fall asleep WHEN I SUPPOSED TO, and my sister does it in 3-5 minutes.
I was studying at university and we had MATH there I've always had problems with it. since 5th grade i think (well, i hated math before too but real problems started there) when i changed schools and the new class was behind what I've already studied and i didn't pay attention, until i realized that at some point I was behind. I said "welp, i guess it's to late to try, so fuck it"
So at university we had this very high level math and i just couldn't understand a thing (and we had an awful teacher who was saying evvvvery time something like "yall getting expelled, we're all gonna die") so i decided "if i don't understand, fuck it then, i will not even try" and started skipping math classes.
But i STILL had to pass an exam, we were getting 3 tries and if you fail you're getting expelled. I failed first two what a surprise (i don't know how i managed to pass it after all, i can't remember SHIT, only that i is fucking non-existing number which is square root of -1. Why on earth would you need it i have NO fucking clue.
So i had personal teachers who tried to make me understand at least something to pass the exam. And there was one i remember very well, i even remember that we paid her 10$ per hour (for us that was quite a lot). And i remember her because i was SLEEPING. I just COULDN'T keep my eyes opened. She explains something about deviding by zero and my brain draws the fucking universe collapsing in front of my eyes. She gives me some task, I'm trying to write something and I'm falling asleep and DREAMING about writing, then ahe wakes me up and i see that i didn't write SHIT. It all ended when in the middle of lesson she just kicked me out.
And, what a miracle, I'm leaving her apartments and suddenly, all the sleepiness just wanishes! I'm walking home, thinking about some another AU of mine, roleplaying it with myself in my head, full of energy again.
That's not the only case of this, but it's the strongest i ever felt. But that like happens all the time, EVEN WHEN MY MOM OR MY GRANNY COMES TO ME AND START TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING I'M NOT INTERESTED, IM YAWNING AND FEEL URGE TO FALL ASLEEP. But the moment they leave, It goes away! I was calling it work allergy LMAO
I was diagnosed with adhd in my early childhood (there was also something about epilepsy, but it's ok now so it doesn't matter), not long ago i brought this fact back into my active memory (thanks to Jaiden animations ADHD video for that xD) i kinda used to myself by now and now I'm trying to catch and analyse all moments of adhd kicking in. I know my own tricks and buttons, how to make myself do the thing or just how to force myself into doing something. Because i know if i start, I'll probably lock in and won't get up until it's done (well, if i have at least a tiny bit of interest in that thing, or else i won't), and i hate it when someone interrupts me in the middle of the process. No mom, i can't come right now, i can't finish it later, because i either spend few more hours forcing myself to go back to the task or just forget about it.
But i didn't know that this sleepiness was a legit symptom! I just thought that it's exaderated boredom, that's it, had a joke name for it. That's... Funny to know that this thing is actually also adhd moment.
Also, about sleeping. I have problems falling asleep. I may lie in the bed for hours without even my phone, just rotating my stories in my head, and when i don't have a story to think about, this is just the name of my current hyperfixation with different tones and in different random dialogues that doesn't even make sense. I have no idea how to fall asleep, except when i didn't sleep for like 48 hours (EVEN THEN IT MIGHT BE A PROBLEM AND I START THINKING OF THAT CREEPY PRION SICKNESS AND SCARE MYSELF AGAIN). And my mom told me that it have always been like that with me. She and my dad had the whole ritual to make me fall asleep. Dad would hold me in his arms, his head with me covered with a blanket that i could only see his face (or else I would look everywhere and never fall asleep), and rock me for HOURS while i was SCREAMING and CRYING the whole time like i was tortured. But when I'd finally fall asleep, they could be as loud as usual and didn't have to whisper, because wake me up is a whole different story. And my mom was SHOCKED when all it took to make my sister fall asleep was just pet her back for 3-5 minutes.
I don't think of myself as... Sick or ill. That's how i was all my life, i don't know anything else. That's not a sickness to me, that's just part of my personality. Maybe sometimes some parts of it bite me in the ass and make my life harder, but i don't know other life. That's the only one I've got, and i guess I'm fine with that (tho now that i think about it, i need to pay more attention to how i write the characters, and don't make them all ADHDshers LOL i need to study neurotypical people under a microscope 🔬🔍)
bro im gonna CRY i didnt know this 🥺
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Cute ways the jjk girls (+ genderbends) use jujutsu in your relationship
A/n:I initially had this ideal with fem!gojo, but then it expanded to other characters. Let me know if you have any ideas for a part 2 or something with other characters
Also I kinda did something similar with fem!inumaki here if you're interested
Fem! Gojo
Lapse blue
Y/n:Hey babe, do you mind grabbing me that glass of water?
Fem!gojo:sure thing sweetie
[She uses blue to make the glass float toward you, but the water splashes on your face]
Y/n:......
Fem!gojo:s-sorry
Infinity
Y/n:Come on, tori, I already told you I'm sorry
[You try to hug her, but infinity stops you]
Y/n:Can you please deactivate your technique?
Fem!gojo:No way! You ate my last mochi. That's basically the same as cheating. I'm not letting you hug me
Y/n:[sighs] I'll buy you some other ones ok? And some more cakes
[Gojo immediately turns off infinity and hugs you]
Fem!gojo:Thanks, y/nnnnn! I knew you loved me
Six eyes
Fem!gojo:Hey y/n, what happened?
Y/n:what do you mean?
Fem!gojo:Your shoulder, it's all hurt and purple
Y/n:.....how did you know? I'm wearing a sweater
Fem!gojo:I have really good eyes remember?
Y/n:oh yeah, I forgot about the six eyes, sorry I got hurt during a mission and just didn't wanna bother you
Fem!gojo:it's never a bother for me, I'll just call shoko and bring you an ice pack
Fem!sukuna
Heian era form
Y/n:Kuna.....is this really necessary?
[It shows you being carried by 2 of sukuna's arms while an other one is stroking your hair]
Fem!sukuna:Of course, are you saying you don't like this?
Y/n:No, I do it's just......why?
Fem!sukuna:uraume said I should try being more affectionate with you. This is how I do it.
Y/n:I guess your arms are pretty comfy
Fem!sukuna:good, I don't want to hear you complain
[She kisses you while you blush harder]
Yuki tsukumo
Star rage
(Tbh I forgot if this is exactly how the technique works)
[You're trying to open a jar, but it's too tight]
Yuki:Do you need some help, baby?
Y/n:Yeah thanks
[You give her the jar, and she opens it without problems]
Yuki:here you go
Y/n:Thanks
Yuki:could I get a kiss for that~?
Y/n:[giggle] sure
[You kiss her cheek, and she smiles brightly]
Yuki[talking to herself] yes! I know using my technique was worth it
Y/n:......what do you mean using your technique?
Yuki:o-oh nothing
Y/n:Wait, did you put mass in the lid so I couldn't open and jar and you'd get a kiss?
Yuki:..........noooooo what are you talking about? Hehe
Y/n:If you wanted a kiss you could have just asked for one you know?
Garuda
Y/n:...........yuki, can you tell your shikigami to stop following me?
Yuki:Why? It's not that bad
Y/n:it wasn't but I think it's taking it a bit too far
[Garuda completely wraps itself around you]
Y/n:see
Yuki:that just means it likes you, just like me
Y/n:....I guess that's nice then, but it's still kinda uncomfortable
Yuki:ok, I'll tell it to stop, we both know you very much prefer my hugs anyway
Yorozu
(I've decided i wanna write for her too, I'll add her to the masterlist now and I chose her instead of mai not only because her creation is better but also just because I kinda like her more)
Creation
Yorozu:y/n! Look what I made for us
[She shows you two rings with your names engraved on them]
Yorozu:it took me a while, but I finally did it! Now we will be bound together even more than we already are
Y/n:Oh thanks, that's so sweet....even if we aren't married yet
Yorozu: Those are just details. What's wrong with thinking ahead
Y/n:hehe, alright
[You start to take the ring with your name on it but she stops you]
Yorozu:Oh no, darling, you'll be wearing the one with my name so that everyone knows you're mine, and I'll wear the other one so that everyone knows I'm yours
Y/n:Oh, that's....sweet
Yorozu:I'm glad you think that, I can't have anyone thinking my darling is free to take, here I'll even put it on you myself
Fem!megumi
Ten shadows:divine dogs (and mahoraga)
Y/n:Please, gumi, I swear I won't ask you anything else ever
Fem!megumi:[sighs] you're really like I love you.....alright
[She does the hand sign and summons the dogs]
Fem!megumi:Go smell y/n and find their hoodie
[The shikigami do what she said and start searching for it]
Y/n:Thanks, you're a lifesaver megumi
Fem!megumi:you're welcome just don't get used to it
[The dogs eventually find the hoodie and give it to you]
Y/n:Oh, thanks so much to you two too. You're such good boys
[You start petting them while megumi gets closer to you]
Fem!megumi:wait minute.....that hoodie isn't it nobara's? Why does it have your smell on it
Y/n:oh no I can explain she just gave-
Fem!megumi:I don't need any explanation. With this treasure I summon
Y/n:wait no stop it!
Fem!geto
Cursed spirit manipulation
Gojo:Hey, geto, what are you waiting for? We're gonna be late for the mission
Fem!geto:don't be so impatient satoru, I'm just waiting for y/n
Gojo:Come on! Your partner can wait, I just wanna get this over with
Fem!geto:if they don't come, I'm not going either
Gojo:fiiiine, you're the only thing that makes missions interesting anyway
[After waiting for a bit geto looks at the sky]
Fem!geto:oh looks like they arrived
Gojo:hm?
[They look up to see you riding rainbow dragon]
Gojo:You made them ride on your curse?
Fem!geto:they were gonna be late and asked me
Gojo:that's so cool you have to make me ride on it too sometimes
Fem!geto:[sighs] I suppose one time is ok
#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#x reader#jjk x reader#jjk#gojo x reader#female gojo x reader#sukuna x reader#female sukuna x reader#yuki tsukumo x reader#yuki tsukumo#yorozu x reader#yorozu#jjk yorozu#megumi fushiguro x reader#female megumi x reader#geto x reader#female geto x reader#gn reader#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo#ryomen sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna#fem sukuna#fem gojo#fem megumi#female gojo#female sukuna#female megumi fushiguro x reader#female megumi
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Comfort
Dick Grayson x Reader
Masterlist - Join My Taglist!
Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)
Fandom: DC
Summary: The vigilante couple that takes care of each other after a bad patrol night stays together.
Word Count: 1,173
Category: Fluff, Comfort (after Hurt, but the hurt's not in the fic)
Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.
I winced as my boyfriend, Dick Grayson, dabbed antiseptic against the cut on my arm. It needed to be done, and I was glad I didn't have to do it myself, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.
"Sorry," Dick said, his voice soft. I leaned into him.
"It's ok. Thank you for helping."
"You might not want to thank me until we're done stitching this up. I'll do my best to be gentle, but... it probably won't feel great no matter what."
I gave him a weak smile, then let my head drop to rest on his shoulder. He held my injured arm gently in his lap, taking care not to move it more than he had to.
"I think you get the thank you no matter what. Especially since I'd have to try to do this myself if I didn't have you here to help me."
Dick just hummed, and I tried to focus on him and his comforting warmth as he moved to start on the stitches. Being a vigilante was absolutely brutal sometimes, thanks to moments and injuries like this. Especially since we couldn't usually go get treated as our civilian identities, lest it lead to some very awkward questions. But we were doing good, important work, and we were doing it together. Despite the worst days, I wouldn't trade this life for anything, and I knew Dick felt the same.
I focused on taking deep breaths through my nose as Dick worked. I clenched the hand of my non-injured arm, working on keeping the injured one still. Between stitches, Dick muttered comforting words, the tone and timbre of his voice near my ear keeping me as calm as anything else. I lost track of time, zoning out of the moment to focus on breathing and the man beside me.
Finally, Dick let out a sigh and sat back, moving one arm from my wound to around my shoulders. I sighed, leaning further into his chest, finally able to move the arm he'd been working on now that it was all stitched and bandaged.
"You still feeling okay?" he asked, rubbing small circles with his thumb against my good arm. I sighed and nodded.
"As okay as I can feel, considering everything. Thanks again for patching me up."
"You know I'm always happy to take care of you. I'm just sorry you needed it in the first place."
"Eh." I shrugged. "Life of a vigilante."
"Yeah," Dick sighed, sounding a little more melancholy than I'd been expecting. We stayed like that for a few long moments, laying against each other and enjoying the peace after a sketchier-than-usual night of fighting crime.
Finally, Dick sighed again, more as a transition than a lament this time.
"Alright, we both need to eat something, and then get some rest. Anything sound particularly good to you?"
"...I don't know if my heart can take the adventure that is your attempt at cooking on top of the night we've already had."
"I was planning to order in, but it's nice to be reminded that you have no faith at all in my culinary ability."
I just smiled and leaned into him.
"You know I love you, but you also know Jason spilled about the time you managed to burn cereal. I don't think there's a lot of hope for coming back from that, babe."
Dick laughed, pulling me even closer to him, the slightly heavier mood now completely gone.
"I guess that's fair. But one of these days, I'm going to secretly take a cooking class, and then I'll prove you all wrong."
I just hummed. "Take me with you when you do it. A cooking class sounds fun."
Dick chuckled and leaned down to place a soft kiss on my forehead.
"It's a deal. Now come on, let's get you settled in on the couch so we can order something good."
I sighed, but shifted my weight off of Dick. I moved to push myself up to standing, but before I could get very far, Dick shot up next to me and swept me into his arms. I laughed, throwing my arms around his neck in surprise as he carried me towards the living room.
"You're too injured to walk," he said, a grin on his face despite his words. "Doctor's orders, you need to be carried."
"Pretty sure it was just my arm that got really hurt. Some bruises and other injuries on my torso. Legs ended up being pretty okay."
"Mmm, no, I'm pretty sure I'm right."
He set me down on the couch with a flourish, then sat and shifted me around so my legs laid across his lap. He sighed and picked up his phone, taking care of takeout while I got my arm in a comfortable position and stared at the angel of a man that I got to call my boyfriend.
"Alright, food should be here in about twenty minutes," he announced, setting his phone down in triumph. "I vote we watch a movie or something while we wait and eat, then go to bed."
"I have one suggested addition to the plan."
"Yeah?"
"I want to reserve the right for us to change the plan and fall asleep here instead of going to bed."
Dick raised an eyebrow and made a big show of looking me up and down, spending a little extra time evaulating my arm and its position. Then, finally, he met my eyes again.
"You sure your arm's gonna be okay if we stay here?"
I shrugged. "Pretty sure. I've put worse stitching through more strenuous and dangerous activities than a couch nap before."
Dick grinned, his blue eyes sparkling as he wrapped an arm over the top of my thighs and pulled me closer to him.
"I don't know. I've heard couch naps can be pretty perilous."
"As long as neither of us rolls off the thing, I feel pretty good about our chances."
He hummed, pulling me even further onto his lap. "We should probably cuddle pretty closely, then. To keep each other safe from falling off this thing."
"Makes sense to me," I said, grinning and turning to lean into Dick. "Safety precautions are important."
He huffed a laugh, then finally stretched out on the couch alongside me, shifting us both so I was half laying on his chest. I could hear the constant comforting beat of his heart through his shirt, and I swear, my blood pressure instantly dropped.
"What are we gonna do when the food gets here?" I groaned, already halfway asleep. The last of the adrenaline had finally faded now that I was here, happy, comfortable, and safe with my favorite person in the world, and I could feel how quickly I was losing the battle with sleep.
"Don't worry," Dick muttered, gently running his hand up and down my back. "I'lll take care of it. You just get some rest."
I hummed, intending to say something else to him, but the exhaustion rooted into my bones and I couldn't keep myself up. I drifted off on his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me, perfectly safe and content with the love of my life.
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Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen @misshale21
DC Taglist: @gaychaosgremlin @v1ckycheesue @lavender-dinos @g0atmansbridge182
#sophie's year of fic#dc#dick grayson#dick grayson x reader#nightwing#nightwing x reader#dc fanfiction#dc x reader#dc oneshot#dc imagine#dick grayson fanfiction#dick grayson oneshot#dick grayson imagine#nightwing fanfiction#nightwing imagine#nightwing oneshot#dcu#vigilante#gotham#bludhaven
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Hi yes,i completely understand as to why someone might feel uncomfortable writing a fic abt jimmy in a romantic aspect,which is exactly why i asked for angst. ( I'm a sucker for angst )
I was asking for a scenario where the reader and jimmy had already been in an established relationship with Jimmy wayy prior than boarding on the tulpar, i was wondering that the reader has positive views on jimmy but after finding out what he did to anya the reader completely breaks down and loses every ounce of love/compassion/respect for jimmy. And how curly/swansea and daisuke would try to comfort the reader.
Jimmy tries to convince the reader to give him another chance but the reader rips him a new one,like just jimmy being pathetic and miserable like he deserves to be.
I've been sent requests and messages that everyone can't wait for this fic, now I'm scared I'm going to disappoint 😔
BUT WHO CARES, I'M STILL WRITING IT, RAAAHHHH 🦅💥💥🦅🦅🦅💥💥💥
Edit: I'm done with writing it and right as I was about to post it, I realized that I forgot to put the actual comfort in the fict... Yeahh....
Warnings: mentions/hinting of sexual assault, Daisuke and the reader having a parent/son relationship, mentions of paper cuts, mentions of guns, drug overdose, murder, blood, hurt/no comfort, not proofread
I looked at Jimmy in absolute horror. No tears, no sobbing, nothing left my lips. There was only one feeling remaining though...
Disgust.
He called out my name, and I couldn't stop the shiver of fear that rushed through me.
"Please... Let me explain."
Three days before boarding ᯓ★
"One year?!" I gasped out in disbelief, eyes widening in shock at the news my boyfriend just dropped. One year out in space? Why would he even accept that offer?!
"I know, I know... But we need the money." He breathed out, not looking so pleased with the outcome either.
I sighed, knowing that he was right. I relaxed back onto the couch, crossing my arms in disappointment.
One year without him here with me? No contact at all? I barely survived his last shipment, and that only lasted three months, and now I had to wait a year? they were asking too much. What do they even ship out?
"... I'm sorry." He breathed out, and his expression only made me feel worse.
"You don't have to apologize... It's your job." I sighed, a small smile on my face to reassure him. Sure, it would be a loonnngg year for me, but it was for the money, for our future... for us.
"I'll go start dinner for us... Okay?" He gave me a sad smile, walking over to me and resting a gentle hand on the back of my head, placing a light kiss to my temple as he made his way towards the kitchen.
I smirked, watching him walk off with a playful roll of my eyes.
"And by that I'm guessing you're ordering pizza?" I teased, causing him to let out a quick laugh before disappearing into the kitchen.
With him gone, I was now alone with my thoughts.
I mean- a whole year away from Earth? That's sure to leave some impact on both me and him.
... My saddened expression slowly started to fade as a thought crossed my mind.
What if I applied for the job with him?
A smile grew on my face, but I couldn't tell him now, it should be a surprise! Yes! Imagine his joy when he finds out I get to tag along with him, and for a whole year at that!
Oh, the overjoyed look on his face-
"You want plain peperoni again or do you want to switch it up for tonight?" I jumped a bit; my thoughts being interrupted as Jimmy yelled from the kitchen.
"Uh- Yeah! A peperoni will do!" I yelled back, smiling to myself. Maybe I should apply after dinner.
One week before boarding ᯓ★
I giggled to myself quietly as I watched Jimmy pack his bags. He always liked to pack early, says he has time to check everything and pack anything that's missing.
"Jimmy..." I dragged out his name, trying to contain my excited expression as I watched him.
"Yes, Y/n? I'm busy, I wouldn't want to miss anything." He mumbled out, rummaging through his things. My smile felt slightly, but I decided to shake that uneasy feeling away. He was just stressed.
"I've got some exciting news." I stated, my smile and excitement returning as he peaked at me over his shoulder and gave me a confused glance, "I applied as a Pony express nurse and... I got in!" I almost squeaked out in excitement, but... my excitement died down when he didn't return it.
He stayed in silence for a little while, still looking over his shoulder but not looking at me.
"... Why would you do that?" He asked me, his voice cold as he still didn't look at me. Did I... do something wrong?
"Well... I'm sure that us being apart would make both your journey and my stay would feel way longer than it was supposed to, so... I thought going with you would make both of our stays fly by faster." I stated sheepishly, now unsure of myself. I looked down at my hands, feeling an intense sense of guilt wash over me as the two of us stayed in silence.
I heard him sigh and his clothes ruffle, soft footsteps walking towards me and soon enough his arms were wrapped around me in a warm embrace.
"I'm sorry I reacted like that... I just didn't want you to get hurt." He mumbled into my hair, one of his hands resting on my lower back while the other ran through my hair.
Every ounce of dread faded away with those simple words, hugging him back with a smile on my face.
"... I should've told you earlier, I'm sorry too." I mumbled back. I felt his grip get a bit tighter, which made me feel comforted. He mumbled something underneath his breath that I couldn't comprehend, but I didn't question it.
Two months before the crash ᯓ★
Life on the ship was... Weird. I mean, I knew I was away from Earth, but it felt like we didn't even take off, which I guess is better than floating around.
Everyone on the ship was nice as well. Anya, my coworker was really sweet and really competitive when it came to boardgames, but she's been oddly quiet around my boyfriend, Jimmy... maybe because she found out he was my boyfriend she didn't want to seem like she was going to steal him away from me, which I find very sweet.
Daisuke was interesting. He was a bit nervous for the first few days, but I couldn't really do anything since he didn't really want to talk to anyone. He quickly opened up to us though, and it's always interesting to hear him talk, he does say some weird stuff sometimes though.
Swansea was the same as boarding day, acting very serious and only talking about work, but I sometimes get to hear a little about his past. He has a wife and two kids! How nice.
Curly was a nice captain, I don't see him nor talk to him often, but the times that I did he was nice.
And of course there was my boyfriend, Jimmy. He focuses on his work a lot, which is good don't get me wrong! But I sometimes want him to spend time with me or even visit me in the medical bay...
All of the relationships to the side, work wasn't really that hard. Everyone made sure to take care of themselves, Daisuke got hurt every once in a while, but even he knew not to waste supplies over something as little as a paper cut (I still sneak him my own band-aids every once in a while, though).
---
I smiled to myself as I read through the reports, Anya and I split the 'interrogation' part of the psych test, I was the one to deal with Daisuke since he was the only one to actually drag out the psych test with his little stories. Anya complained to me about it, so I offered to take the test instead of her.
I sat in the room with the young intern, finding myself actually interested in his stories. He somehow managed to find a story with every question that I asked... And when he didn't have an opportunity to rant about a story, he just extended his answer.
He was just done with his rant about how he managed to hit his pinkie toe when he was trying to pass a screwdriver to Swansea, hilarious really.
"Hm..." I hummed a bit, tapping my bottom lip with my pen as I inspected the questions. "... How would you say your relationships with the crewmembers are?" I read off the question, ticking it off the list for myself.
"Awh, absolutely great!" He began excitedly, and just as I thought he was going to leave it at that, he continued.
"Curly is an awesome captain! Sure, I don't see him often, but he's so cool! He always knows how to fix a problem.
Anya is sweet too, but I don't see her as often like I do you. While we're on the topic of you, you've also been pretty awesome, you didn't have to give me your band-aids though.
Swansea is rude, but he can be cool from time to time. I'm still proud that I managed to make him laugh the other day with one of my jokes. But he can tone it down on the yelling sometimes...
Jimmy is also pretty cool! Being a co-pilot must be really hard, and I appreciate that he's in the cockpit most of the time to make sure we don't crash. But he could come out every once in a while... Last time I saw him was a day or two ago when he visited Anya in the medbay though." My smile fell at that small comment, my writing stopping abruptly as I stared down at my notes for a moment.
Jimmy visited Anya. Why wouldn't he come to visit me? I mean- maybe he walked into the medbay to look for me and I wasn't there, even then why would he ask Anya where I was or at least wait for me to come back. So why did he leave the cockpit and not come to visit me first. I'm his damn partner!
Daisuke noticed my silence, his own happy expression turning awkward and on edge.
"Uh... Did I say something wrong?" He asked sheepishly, almost sinking into his seat while clutching the edges of his seat awkwardly.
"Oh... No, Daisuke. Don't worry, I just got lost in thought." I smiled warmly towards him. That small act made him relax. Jimmy is not important currently; I'll talk to him after the psych eval with Daisuke.
I looked back at the paper to see the rest of the questions, only to be surprised that we were done with the last one.
"Looks like we're done here." I sighed, setting down the papers on the small table. Daisuke let out an overexaggerated sigh of relief, slumping in his seat.
"Ugh, finally!" He chuckled, "I thought the questions were never gonna end!"
I chuckled at his antics, standing up from my seat and picking up the papers once more.
"I suggest you get back to work, don't want Swansea worrying now, do we?" I chuckled, opening the door and waiting for him to walk out.
"No! That's even worse! Please continue with the questions!" He whined, getting up and walking out despite his words, although with a bit of a slump.
I walked out right after him, closing the door right after walking out.
"Good luck." I sighed, watching him walk away to where Swansea supposedly was.
"You, too!" He yelled back, smiling brightly, waving goodbye while turning the corner.
I exhaled through my nose, making my way towards the medbay. You know what? I don't have time to argue with him right now about him visiting Anya, he always thinks he's in the right, so the argument won't really lead to anything.
A week before the crash ᯓ★
Anya looked... on edge recently.
She has been jumpier than before... Now that I think about it, I don't remember her being jumpy in the first week.
I did ask her if something was wrong and that she could talk to me if needed, but she just brushed me off and told me that she was fine. People deal with their problems in different ways, and I get that, but... I'm worried about her.
Right now, I was sitting on the kitchen counter, poking at my food a bit as I was lost in thought.
My thoughts were interrupted by footsteps. I turned around only to spot captain Curly. I smiled at the man, turning fully to greet him.
"Morning, captain." I smiled, "Came for some breakfast?" I asked, as if it wasn't already obvious. The man gave me a tired smile and walked to the kitchen, grabbing the already prepared meal like I had. Anya was kind enough to make us a plate each because I slept in and Curly doesn't come out of the cockpit often, same as Jimmy.
"Yup." He tiredly answered my question, sitting down beside me as he began eating. I observed his tired manors for a couple of seconds, giving him a sympathetic look.
"Need a nap, Curly?" I asked him, taking a bite of my own food as I waited for his response.
"Desperately, but it's not like I can." He sighed, the small smile on his face turning into a small frown. I furrowed my brows at his words.
"How so? Jimmy is there to take over when you're too tired, right?" I questioned, setting down my fork. He furrowed his brows, closing his eyes for a moment. He looked like he had been caught in a lie.
"It's not that... simple." He dragged out his words, which only made me even more confused.
"What do you mean?" I cautiously asked, eying him suspiciously. He exhaled through his nose, setting down his fork as well as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"He just... doesn't look like he's in the right place to maneuver the ship properly." He said, trying to end the conversation with that. But I didn't want to back out that easily.
"He's been in that cockpit almost 24/7 since we boarded. I don't understand how he couldn't control the ship properly." I tried to argue, getting a bit agitated. Why would he think my boyfriend was incompetent? He can take responsibility.
"Just... leave it to me, okay?" He sighed, obviously not wanting to argue, and I respect that.
"... Alright, captain. I trust you." I backed out, standing up to wash my dishes.
"Leave the dishes to me." Curly spoke up, standing up himself to wash his own dish, grabbing mine before I could protest. I smiled, mumbling a quick thank you before making my way towards the medbay.
Zero days before the crash ᯓ★
I was patching up another one of Daisuke's paper cuts. He claims that he doesn't know how to use a band-aid correctly, but I think he just wants to rant to me.
"I wonder what I'm missing back on earth..." He sighed after finishing his long rant about some hard level that he barely passed on his Gameboy.
"You'll be so far back on the trends." I chuckled, patting his paper cut to convince him that it was on correctly.
"Don't you worry about me; I'll easily catch up." He tried to flex his muscles for the dramatic effect. I rolled my eyes at that, patting his shoulder and standing up.
"Well, your injury is taken care of, you can head back to work-" I was interrupted by blaring red lights and alarms.
my heart dropped at that, looking around the room as if I was going to find the source. I looked back towards Daisuke to see his panicked expression.
"Stay here, I'll go look to see what's wrong-"
"Are you insane!? Don't go out, please!" Daisuke pleaded, clinging onto my uniform sleeve to make me stay. My heart ached at his desperate please.
But, then again, it could just be a fake alarm... But that also doesn't mean I should leave him alone-
The whole ship started to shake; the alarms started to blare more loudly and so did Daisuke.
He kept repeating "Oh my god!" and "Please, no!"
I clung to him tightly, covering his head as a sort of instinct as I pulled us down onto the floor. The things on the desk we were next to started to fall onto us and I covered Daisuke from everything. Everything moved and trashed around in the medbay and the only thing I could do is cling to him.
What was going on?
Two months after the crash ᯓ★
I sat next to Jimmy, trying to comfort him by resting my head on his shoulder and slowly petting the back of his hand with my thumb. But he was still tense, his expression looking permanently sour.
"... Talk to me, Jimmy. Please..." I tried to get him to open up. I heard him scoff and moments later he shoved me off of him.
"Fuck off, leave me alone." He grumbled, standing up and storming off. I didn't chase after him.
I let out a long exhale, pinching the bridge of my nose and resting my elbows on my knees. I understood why he would be on edge, I mean, one of his closest friends literally drove the ship into an asteroid, who wouldn't be upset?
But he could at least talk to me about it, I'm his partner after all.
"Are you okay?" I heard a soft voice behind me. I turned around to spot Anya. I put up a fake smile to comfort her though.
"I'm okay, Anya, really." I breathed out, straightening up my posture to mimic a confident look, although failing.
She gave me a pitiful look, taking a seat in the armchair next to me.
"... How have you been holding up?" I asked her after a couple of moments of silence. She was quiet for a little while, making me think it wasn't as well as I previously presumed. I mean- the ship crashed, and Curly is basically lacking skin and limbs but... she strong... Gosh, now I sound like a piece of shit when I really think about it.
"Poorly, I can't..." She closed her eyes, resting her head on the back of the couch. It felt like she was keeping something from me.
"... Nevermind." She muttered, standing up to walk away. I opened my mouth to call out to her, for her to tell me what she wanted, but I held back. Maybe it was better if I didn't know.
Four months after the crash ᯓ★
Everything and on the ship felt eerie.
Daisuke was quieter, which absolutely broke my heart. Anya looked weaker, she couldn't even glance towards Curly or his general direction. Swansea was getting absolutely drunk out of his mind on mouthwash. And Jimmy was... distant.
How could Curly even do this? The last time I talked to him he seemed completely fine, why would he change up so suddenly?
I heard a rough voice call out my name, I turned quickly to spot Swansea.
"Yes?" I hummed. The old man grabbed my forearm roughly.
"We need to talk." He stated, dragging me away from everyone in the main area. Jimmy gave the two of us a glare but stayed in his spot.
After the two of us were out of eyesight and earshot, Swansea let go of me. I was quick to massage the spot he grabbed, giving him a glare.
"There was no need to drag me." I grumbled. Swansea ignored my words and began to talk.
"I already talked to Anya about this beforehand, so this is mostly me telling you the plan." He pointed an accusing finger at me. I stayed quiet, waiting for him to begin talking as I massaged the spot he grabbed.
"There is only on cryogen pod left. And Anya and I agreed to give it to Daisuke." He stated. I gave him a look of confusion.
"I thought the room to the cryogen pods was completely blocked off by foam...?" I muttered in confusion. Why would he lie about something like that?
"I said that because Jimmy would've made it a big deal and it would've been a damn free for all in here." I was offended by his words, giving him a look of disbelief as I took a step back.
"Jimmy? Why would he do that?" I grumbled, making sure to keep my voice quiet. I didn't want him to hear, how offended and utterly hurt he would be if he heard Swansea's accusations.
"He- Never mind..." He gave up on an explanation, and I decided to not push it further. "What I'm trying to say is... We're saving the last pod for Daisuke." He said and I didn't protest, giving him a nod of approval and letting out a sigh of relief.
"Alright... but I should really tell Jimmy tha-"
"One word to him about this and you're dead." He grunted, pointing a finger to my chest before storming off.
I lightly massaged the area where he poked me, watching him walk away with a frown and furrowed brows as I composed myself in silence.
Why are they so against telling Jimmy, their now captain, about the cryogen pod? I don't understand...
---
I was panicking.
Daisuke and Jimmy were nowhere to be seen, Swansea also, and Anya had locked herself in the medicalbay.
"Anya, please open the door, talk to me!" I yelled at the door, my voice shaky and my breaths quick as I leaned against the door, staring at it like I was going to pass through it.
She called my name weakly, making me even more anxious than before.
"I'm... I'm so sorry." She sounded like she was crying, which only made my worries worsen.
"Sorry? You- you don't have anything to be sorry for, Anya. Please open the door for me." I laughed awkwardly, like when you're caught sneaking out by your parents and are trying to make up an excuse.
"Jimmy... he..." Her voice was weak, and the mention of my boyfriend's name made me swallow thickly, afraid of what she would say.
"He what, Anya, please... Say something." I whispered, caressing the door, pretending like I was comforting her.
"I didn't want to... He made me." She called out my name, "He forced me- I'm sorry, I really am..."
I was confused.
"Forced you? Anya, please unlock the door and we'll talk, I won't be mad. Whatever you say I'll understand." I tried talking to her, but she became unresponsive. It stayed like that for a little while before I began banging on her door.
"Anya? Anya please respond-" My blood ran cold as I heard an echoing scream come from within, but it wasn't Anya's... No... Please-
Before I could think of anything else, I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head, and everything went black.
One hour until Judgement ᯓ★
My eyes fluttered open, my breathing slow as I tried to remember what happened. I tried moving but I realized I was tied down onto something.
I blinked rapidly to get used to the new lighting, looking around to see where I was. I was in the common area, living room as Daisuke called it.
Speaking of him, where was he? I remember hearing something... He screamed, he got hurt
I squinted as I looked around rapidly, where was everyone?
"Daisuke? Anya? Jimmy? Swansea? Anyone! Can anyone hear me?!" I yelled, my voice raspy and my head throbbing. It was hard to adjust to the red lighting, but once it did, I tried looking for clues.
"Can anyone hear..." My voice trailed off as I spotted someone lying on the ground, it was heard to see who it was. I squinted and tried to focus.
"Daisuke?" I questioned, but the boy didn't budge.
"Daisuke! Don't fuck with me! Are you alright?" I yelled at him, tugging at my restraints. His lack of a response left me frustrated. I groaned, trashing around to try and loosen up the ropes a bit. Who would even tie me up in the first place?
I managed to loosen up the knots, finding them and untying them in the process. Whoever did tie me up sure didn't pay attention in whatever knot tying class they took.
I sat up straight, looking down to see I was tied up on the coffee table. I stretched a bit, finding the silence awful, but I continued.
I walked towards the laying boy cautiously, my eyes adjusting the closer I got and... Oh... Oh god-
"Daisuke..." I breathed out, eyes wide in horror as I stared at the interns split face.
I quickly ran towards him, crouching down as I didn't want to touch him, feeling like my filthy hands would ruin him.
"What... how-" Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at the lifeless body of the intern. I looked back to where I was tied up, jumping and feeling petrified as I saw Swansea's limp body tied up in a chair, how had I not noticed him before?
I switched my gaze between the young intern and the older mechanic, not sure what to do. Is there even anything I can do? Daisuke's skull is literally split open and, by the looks of it, Swansea has two bullets in his head.
I stood up, legs shaking as I walked back, looking down the hall hesitantly and into the medical bay.
I slapped my hand to my mouth as I saw Anya, lifeless with blood seeping from her mouth from what I could see. Quiet sobs left my lips as I tried not falling to the ground. There was only one person who could've done this...
But... Jimmy would never do such a thing! Yes, he may seem a little cold and distant at times but that doesn't mean he's a murderer! He's my boyfriend, he's... he's supposed to be the good guy...
Who else could have done that though? What else could've done that? I looked back at Daisuke.
His head was open, I stated that multiple times... But with what? A pipe couldn't have done that, and the axe was in Swansea's care... Then that would explain him being tied up in a chair.
The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.
The harsh reaction I had when I told him I got the job, Anya's usual attitude falling when he was around, looking scared and over all staying quiet... Her words. It all made sense
Not only did he go on a killing spree, but he cheated, he forced himself onto Anya, he traumatized her. He didn't kill her, she killed herself because of him, and that was far worse.
The love I previously had for him seemed to just disappear at that moment, being replaced with guilt, anger.
I heard shuffling, my head snapping to see him.
I looked at Jimmy in absolute horror. No tears, no sobbing, nothing left my lips. There was only one feeling remaining though...
Disgust.
He called out my name, and I couldn't stop the shiver of fear that rushed through me.
"Please... Let me explain."
"Explain what?" I questioned, voice barely audible.
He opened his mouth to speak, but he stuttered, not knowing how to even start his sentence. Pathetic.
"I... I had to! Anya fucking killed herself because of a stupid depressive episode she had! Daisuke got injured in the vents while trying to save her, I tried to save him too, but he was badly injured and Swansea fucking killed him! I had to shoot Swansea in self-defense because he wanted to kill both of us. He tied you up and wanted to kill me because he wanted the cryogen pod all to himself! That was his plan all along! He wanted to leave all of us for dead." His excuses only made me hate him more.
Anya killing herself because of an episode? Swansea killing Daisuke because there was no hope? Him shooting Swansea in self-defense? His story had shitty plot holes, and even I could see that with the two minutes I had to look around.
"..." I stayed quiet, just staring at him in disbelief that he could make up such a statement. How many excuses and lies did he tell me while we were dating?
"... Baby, please-"
"Don't call me that." I hissed, cutting him off mid-sentence, I didn't want to hear any more excuses, any more pleas, nothing. "I'm done." He stared at me in confusion, but I could see his usual irritation growing.
"Done with what?" He hissed back, voice lower, brows knitting together in irritation.
"I'm done with you." I grumbled. I watched him as his grip on the gun got tighter. "I'm done with dealing with your temper tantrums, I'm done with being patient, I'm done with listening to your every order, and I'm done with your cheating."
"Cheating? What are you talking about-"
"I don't want to listen to your annoying voice anymore, Jimmy. I have tried time and time again to ignore your flaws, I tried to see the best in you, but I can't anymore." My heart was beating in my ears. From fear? From anger? I couldn't tell. "All this time while I was on the Tulpar- No, while I've been dating you, you have shown that you don't care about me, and I don't even know why I decided to stay with you for this long."
I could hear his angered breathing even from this far away, which made my fears worsen, but at this point I'd rather be shot than survive.
"Shoot me. I'd rather be dead than carry the burden that I chose to be with you." I mumbled, my voice quieter now as I gave him a challenging look.
The two of us were consumed by silence once more, the sparks of faulty wiring and his intense breathing giving me a sense of anticipation.
I watched him as he raised the gun, a look that I could only describe as disappointment resting on his face.
"You don't understand." He grumbled, the gun aimed at my head. I only glared at him, daring him to pull the trigger. "And I know you never will."
With that, I watched him pull the trigger the last thing I heard was a loud bang before my body hit the floor.
#x reader#anon ask#anonymous asks#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing#anonymous#mouthwashing jimmy#mouthwashing daisuke#mouthwashing anya#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing swansea
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Devil's Minion Rec List (Part 1)
So I recently completed a little project I set myself-- to tag and organize all of my (iwtv) A03 bookmarks. I've never been motivated to this before, but there are SO many talented writers in the Devil's Minion tag and I had bookmarked so many things that it was becoming unruly. Devil's Minion is such a fun fandom space to be, because writers are taking inspiration from the book and the show, creating AUs, writing old Daniel/young Daniel/vampire Daniel, assuming the 1970s/80s Devil Minion era did or didn't happen... there are endless variations and it's such a creative space. So it was fun to go through and sort all of the fics I like into different categories. It was also great distraction during a personally stressful time when my disability was making it hard to type and work on my own fics. And now of course that personally stressful time has become a nationally stressful time. I was initially going to write a bunch of different rec lists, each with their own topic/themes, and I probably still will do that eventually. But I thought I would start with a list of some of my all time faves in case you need some sweet vampire escapism in the wake of the horrible election results this week.
cranefucker island circa ‘82
by katplanet/ @gatoplanet
Word count: 22,365
Rating: explicit
Summary/Why I'm recommending it: This is an interactive fic, where clicking through different highlighted words takes you to different parts of the story. I love stories that use interactive or found media, and the nonlinear structure of this one perfectly captures the way that older Daniel recovers his memory of the Devil's Minion era. The individual scenes are also so beautifully written. (The one where young Daniel realizes that Armand can fly is etched into my brain).
Eighty Proof and a Lifetime
by doztoevsky
Word count: 11,003
Rating: Mature
Summary/Why I'm Recommending it: There are so many great "what happened after Dubai/How was Daniel Turned" fics out there, and I have to say that my favorite subgenre is "Daniel goes home to New York as a human and Armand follows him." (I guess I'm biased since I am also writing one these!) This is one of my favorites, largely for it's mix of lighthearted scenes and heartfelt emotions and the perfect amount of simmering sexual tension, and for all it manages to accomplish in a relatively short word count/single chapter. The image of Armand breaking down Daniel's bathroom door and using it to create a temporary coffin lid over his bathtub is so endearing and memorable to me, and there's a scene in a vampire bar that I think is just *chefs kiss* in terms of creative world building, character development, and spice level.
Unmade
Words by Klimppisoppa, Illustrations by @verimuru
Word count: 22,483
Rating: Mature
Summary/Why I'm Recommending it: This is largely based on book canon, with some TV show character flavor thrown in. What if Armand made up his mind to win Daniel back after Daniel went to live with Marius? Armand and Daniel's reconciliation is so gentle and lovely in this fic, and it really lets both characters develop a sense of agency as they separate themselves from Marius. It also has some really beautiful illustrations.
i'll ask for more time (but mother forgive me)
by @ignorethepineapples
Word Count: 3,512
Rating: Mature
Summary/Why I'm Recommending it: I think this is my all time favorite Devil's Minion fic. It's a shorter fic that uses a nonlinear structure to tie together Armand and Daniel's turning and it is achingly beautiful. The author has decided that the illness that nearly killed Armand before Marius turned him was syphilis, which can have Parkinson's like tremors as a symptom. The author connects Amadeo's illness with the AIDS crisis that was ongoing during the first part of Armand and Daniel's relationship with older Daniel's Parkinson's. This fic is heavier than some others on this list, but it is so cathartic and wonderful. I felt like this author reached inside my brain and pulled out the exact reasons these characters are important to me. It made me cry but also felt like the most healing of hugs, if that makes any sense at all.
Backroads to Sonoma
by burntcrimson
Word Count: 16,409
Rating: Mature
Summary/Why I'm recommending it: It's the 1980s, and a closeted Daniel is road tripping across middle America, surviving on gas station food and interviewing run aways and truckers to try to scrape together enough stories for a book. He picks up the hitchhiking Armand, who has a dangerous secret, and offers to drive him to California.
This fic is technically incomplete (one chapter remaining!) but the first four are SO GOOD it absolutely doesn't matter and you need to read it. This is a human AU, which I am not always into, but this author does such a good job of capturing Daniel and Armand's characterization and still maintaining Armand's aura of otherness and danger that it totally works. I honestly think this author could file the serial numbers off of this and expand it into it's own novel. The world building is so evocative, and the pacing perfectly balances Daniel's developing feelings for Armand with dramatic plot developments.
Ok, that's what I've got for you for now. If you want to check out my own Devil's Minion fics they're here. If you want to sort through my now gloriously organized bookmarks for yourself to find something to read you can do that here. Or send me an ask if there's something Devil's Minioned flavored you're craving-- maybe I'll have a personalized rec for you.
Feel free to reblog and add your own recs or reply in comments if you have a fic you think I should read. I am going to try to do more of these soon!
Also if you are one of these authors or know their tumblrs, let me know and I'll tag them.
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"Hey Mozart, what kinds of things do you draw?"
Occasionally good, mostly shitposting, and apparently I redesigned Piano to be a judgmental goth.
And here's one time I drew Ruby-Spears Bass + Piano + Zero:
I've been drawing since I was 8 years old I'm very serious.
#my draws#moz banter#moz banter is for text posts/ones where i talk to myself#i don't really interact with the larger fandom cause tbh it's scary as hell#the salty wily twins#that's my tag for posts about bass and piano#maybe someday i'll write up a post about this explicitly not-canon very AU timeline i've got going#also i have a fully body shot i've been working on for that ruby-spears design of piano i just need to finish it#and the script for the 'episode' she and bass are introduced in#i have fake production notes too it's silly#anyway if you ever want a sampling of what kinds of things i do there's the tags 'my draws' and#mozart's robot rebuild#robot master piano#'moz banter' counts too maybe i guess#this all started because of mmx/dbz crossover rp you know?
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I think the way the Lady and the Thin Man became a lot more enjoyable to me as a duo when I stopped believing Six to be the Lady needs to be studied in a lab
#carols.txt#the context is that i always disliked every lady pairing since when i was young#esp because everyone was trying to give her a husband when she frankly never needed one at all#and it seemed detrimental to her character ever to little media illiterate carols#but i've been in fandoms a long time so when ln 2 came out i kinda expected them to be and#i didnt like it but i guess it was... fine for the shits and giggles#then i started doing the digging in the games myself and I was like 《wait. WAIT》#listen i love when two characters are the sides of a coin. i love when theres complexity that could be explored#《what complexity》 the one i made up in my mind /j#i think that they are VERY interesting if you read them separately but reading them in context together is... ough. OUGHHHHHB#this is how they got the pass from me. like OK ................ ok old people i'll let you out of the asylum just this once#they're both vile in a way that is so different and tied into each other's narrative in a way that is so visceral#i need to actually write out why because you will be looking at my insane tags and not understanding I PROMISE YOU I HAVE MY REASONS#I PROMISE
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You know you have a problem when you start RELATING to the song Waving Through A Window
#lol just wrote the sentence 'everyone gets sick of him eventually' and started spiralling because it hit too close to home#because my friend didnt text me back and because a different friend who I was always with walked into my common room said hi and ignored me#and don't get me wrong she was talking about me behind my back so I am trying to distance myself but fuck it hurt#im so tired of everyone getting sick of me#but i know its my own fault so i guess I can't complain#my social anxiety is so severe at the moment that i can't really handle much social interaction anyway#and I can't stop crying because I'm so sick of feeling this way#and i have my writing workshop tomorrow and I'm really scared#and the one person I want to talk to didn't text me back so now I'm scared to ask her for help#because I'm also riddled with guilt every time I go to her for help and I'm convinced she views me as a burden#BUT I MEAN THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE I'LL JUST COOK MY BURGER AND CALL IT A DAY#pls ignore this#personal#rambles#ramblings
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fanfic rambling in the tags, nothing interesting really, just me talking to myself lol, okay to ignore or read as you please ✨
#so i've found the perfect prompt list for an olli/allu fic advent calendar sorta thing#but i'm too intimidated by my own expectations and ridiculously high standards to even start writing any of them 😭#honestly these prompts are so insanely cute and fit olli/allu PERFECTLY#like. i'm actually having trouble deciding which ones to use because i want to write them all 🥺💞#but i'm so so scared that i'll just end up writing the same (boring) story over again for 24 times 😔#i wish i could just write without thinking and trying so hard to write a literary masterpiece#when i KNOW it's alright if it's just a silly little story about my blorbos#that's perfectly enough and i know this but my brain's just not having it 😩#also if i were to write 24 independent fics i'd have to keep them short and simple but. that's not how i do fics. unfortunately (for me)#to overcome this i guess one option would be to write just one longer piece with 24 chapters#and somehow try to include the prompt of the day in each chapter 🤔#but i don't want to make this even more complicated to myself lol especially because i'm planning to write AUs for a couple of the prompts#i REALLY want to do prompts (of any kind!!) but i'm just so scared of stressing myself out to another months-long writer's block 😭#fair enough the last time that happened (last winter/spring) i was in a shitty place mentally anyway#and so far i've been happy to be writing on random bursts of inspiration. that's how it's the easiest for me. the words just...flow out#i'm so insanely jealous of anyone who can just create stuff when given any prompt 😭#y'all are super humans to me how do you do it pls spill your secrets#and anyone tempted to comfort me by saying i shouldn't stress myself over this and that i don't have to write anything i don't wanna write:#i knoooooowwww and i appreactiate the sentiment but the thing is i actually DO want to write these prompts 😭#in theory at least. because they really are cute as fuck wth 🥺#the problem is that i can't /force/ myself to write something at the snap of my fingers without a clear idea besides the prompt#and also because i know it can take me days to finish even one story let alone 24 💀#so to even START on this project is a little intimidating 🫣#i just fear i won't have the patience :(#and when i realise i won't be able to finish the project i'll become frustrated with myself#if only i knew how to write shorter one-scenes in order to not tire myself out#but often i find those kind of fics somehow...unsatisfying :(#i'm just a sucker for crafting the context/background for stories. a little flesh around the bones if you will 🤧#okay that's all now i'm gonna go stare at a wall while doing nothing useful for the rest of the weekend byeeee#if you read this far i hope you're having a nice saturday
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running around in a circle tugging at my hair and holding back tears: too many things too many things too many things too many things too many thi
#if i could just. focus. for more than 30 seconds at a time#i write one sentence of a fic and then go and check my work emails#but while i'm there i'm like oh wonder if tumblr looks different on the remote desktop internet#it doesn't but i get distracted anyway until i realise and close it down#and then go back to my own desktop to look at tumblr#where i promptly get distracted for minimum ten minutes before i catch sight of the messages i haven't responded to yet#and i type a couple words out and then think oh shit i have messages on discord#so i go there#and get distracted by scrolling through not even new messages#maybe type a few words of a message before i mark it as unread because i'm like#oh i gotta finished writing the next chapter of my thing#and then i'm like hmmm but tempting commission work#and then i go actually i guess if i'm going to take a rbeak i'll do some drawing#so i grab my ipad which is still open on creepshow which i was watching last night#and so i start watching it but i can't focus because there's something else going on#and i realise i'm already watching the simpsons on my phone which explains why i have five different simpsons quotes on repeat in my head#and then i realise that there's a song playing on spotify on my laptop#and amidst those three noises i am also entertaining myself with in my head vocal stims and out loud vocal stims#and my anxiety is like hey... wanna worry about something#AND I JUST WANT TO FOCUS LIKE ONE THING AT A FUCKIN TIME ONE FUCKIN THING#finnie shouts into the void
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Somehow, after months of not moving a muscle, I managed to get off my ass and do some light stretching + a whole damn abs routine too, that I still have no idea how I got through it, I remember it being hard on Normal day, and now my whole body is feeling this little workout and I'm like?? WHo are you?
Now to keep it going, tho...
#personal#Raksh posts#the anxiety and stress started creeping in#tho I have A FULL WEEK OFF with no classes nothing#so I was like - I might as well Try to get rid of that nibbling stress#and like damn this feels nice#also made me realize how out of shape I am :''') not that it's a surprise but still#gonna try and keep it up with at least like One thing a day#a couple of stretches or an exercise here and there so it's not just a one time thing (I Am prone to doing that)#tomorrow I have some logistics to maneuver around since Im going to the theater with a couple friends in the evening#and we're meeting earlier in the day for some drinks too bcs my last train is not late enough to go After the spectacle#but anyway I guess I'll try to do some stretches before noon and then figure out food before I go to the train station#damn maybe I can start getting myself back together#like I even started rereading my Voiles stuff - esp the BatB AU#and if I go back to writing it? goodness help me#I Know there are still people reading the ship but oh my god really??#anyway I had to throw this out of myself I guess xD#Im still debating on making some pizza dough today and maybe making one to eat later hmmm#it's like - me making homemade pizza seems to always be a sign of getting out from some kind of slump/depressive episode#because I never have the energy or motivation when it's Bad but I Love pizza and actually enjoy making it so#yeah we'll see I guess#still half a day ahead hah
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computer how do i stop feeling insecure on my writting so that can i write. computer please
#talking tag;#ok so. story time sure why not#today is my first day of uni and i had classes from 8.30 am to 11:45 which was. fine i was exhasuted but it was fine#and then i had to wait to meet some friends for lunch and i started writting and it just hit me that totp is actually over 50k words#and it's like brooooo i literally wrote a novel length fic (that's still not done btw! not close!) and for whattt who even has the time#to read something like that like why bother. it's not even (directly) about the main characters and i just#i'm afraid that i'm repeating myself i'm afraid that chracters are not being developed like i hoped they would i'm afraid that no one will#care and i'm also afraid that the people that do care won't like it#and then i met with my friends who study cinema and they bumped into people from their classes and i was just.#there listening to their conversations without interacting like what the FUCKKK am i doing here pretending that i fit in with the cool#cretive people and that my prose is any good at all#just. 50 thousand words of fanfiction and i'm worried that none of them are any good#but lately my motto is that i will figure it out so. i will figure it out#i did cry about it (lmao) which i'm counting as progress from the empty nothingness i felt around this time of year a year ago#but yeah man it sucks. totp is my baby but (just like kim lmao) my default is being hard on myself. i just can't not be#i think i'll write on my diary about this and then!!! we move on. oh well#i will finish totp that's a promise but yeah. today just hasn't been great i guess#and i have no one in my life to talk to about this so!!!!!! shouting into the void i guess
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writing patterns tag game
tagged by @veliseraptor which makes this a little funny for me bc it's like 'wow one of my favorite writers has influenced how i write. shocking!!' anyway this is also cheating a little bc I didn't want to just do all the one-shots from 'in the orchid hour'
Rules: List the first line of your last 10 posted fics and see if there’s a pattern.
Hua Cheng whines a little, already breathless. (Cinnamon and cloves)
“I’m going to say it,” Zizhen says abruptly. (a truth universal)
Her brother was easy to love and difficult to know. (non nobis nati)
The first thing Amelia learns after her life ends is that it is very clear when her husband is in the room and when it’s the angel wearing his body. (where you go (i will go))
The first time he meets Crimson Rain Sought Flower, Mu Qing barely makes it out alive. (til my feet are memory)
Wen Qing has never liked Lan Wangji. (sixteen stitches)
When he was a child, Xie Lian knew every gentle touch a mother or friend could offer. (for saints have hands)
All silk begins with death. (mori)
When he drives the dowel into his master’s heart, Lang Qianqiu does not remove Fangxin’s mask. (wolf trees)
He did not come back to her all at once. (this, this)
...yeah I basically tend to either start in the middle of Things Happening or with like...a central idea, I guess? I like to keep first lines relatively short and to the point and ideally have some irony in them + some establishment of The Sitch. I tend not to stew over first lines as much as I do last lines but that's partially because usually they've been percolating in the back of my mind for a few hours/days while the fic concept (and words) slowly coalesce so. ????
#being too lazy to tag rn sorry i am glaring murder at one of my clients thru. slack. and also gmail.#tag meme#anyway this is also true of my original fic#tcp starts off with declaring callebero's death; slack tide starts with veria waist-deep in water; peacekeepers starts with micah's nightma#*nightmares/haunting#hm i guess those are all the novel-length wips i have atm#i....also don't remember how viral starts but it's been so long since i really touched that OR ren/avery that i'll probably just scrap and#start fresh when i do turn back to them#i will say because i'm usually trying to write fic as fast as i can before the inspiration skitters off again#i VERY rarely edit/revise fic#the exceptions are like...mori/off hesperus/whipstitch/heart + bone (only bc of clem)#so usually the first line is really just the first line i wrote which is often just me trying to get the idea down for myself as fast as i#can in terms of like Concept and mood/scene/etc
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hardcore projecting my avoidancy onto dabi in this soulmate au thing i started in november
#u know i had to do it to em#🤝🏼🧍🏽♀️🌳#should i just say f it and share my fic headcanons on this account#this account isn't linked to my writing stuff so . is it REALLY a spoiler if no one knoes what the hell im talking abojt#just kidding i can't share them bc what if someone connects the dots and finds out i like emotional intimacy#help i am so dramatic i have a writing blog and 2 god damn ao3 accounts#the main one is where i comment/bookmark/give kudos from#and the other one is my writing one#i do all that despite knowing no one gives a fuck#we'll see how i feel by the time i have 20 fics up#currently at 4 but the wips. the wips are crawling out from under my bed and grabbkng me by the ankle#they demand my attwntion SORRY but mommy has executive dysfunction#i was supposed to have posted 4 or 5 things by now so that i'd have time for the halloween stuff that come up next in my series 🥴#then i was gonna wrap it up with updates on the one year of which is valentine's day and white day#the other halloween thing i started last halloween could work too but i probably won't get in the mood to write it in time lmao#soulmate au was supposed to drop in june RIP#i have most of it's notes finished it's the actual writing that's kicking my ass. it feels so disorganized which is throwing me off#anyways this post is about that au but im actually working on the hero reader one#which i keep overthinking#ik a reader can have an ability and still not be an oc but hmmmm i dunno#the quirk is generic but i think bc i have actual ocs with that ability it is throwing me off lmao#i considered changing it to a water quirk but i think it'll stay cuz i like it more for the theme#also it'd make 1 scene annoyingly difficult#i guess i could just make it a rainy day huh#oh well it is staying. now to finish the prologue that i'll probably never post. gotta write it so i have a good idea of their dynamic#and feel the emotional weight? idk writer words bro i am jus fuckign around on#we chilling 😎#and by we i mean me and my headache#which i just gave myself#noice 😎
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Violently swinging between still wanting to write that "Kuvira talks Suiren down from her manic cleaning spree" fic and not wanting to just rehash what I've written before/fearing I won't do it justice/genuinely scared of triggering myself again because I sink deeper and deeper with every breakdown
#and it's also like. what's the point#if only one person will read it. if there's a high chance I'll have to put myself through hell for close to nothing in return#maybe that sounds entitled and ungrateful. I don't care#I don't enjoy writing. never have. I'm not ashamed of admitting that if I force myself to write it's only because I'm looking for praise#and yeah. I know. this coming from the person who near damn deleted her fic after getting a genuinely nice comment on it?#make up your mind nia do you want engagement or not#but we're not talking about that right now#I guess my main worry is that I've already written astraphobia where while the inciting incident is different the gist is still the same#I'm drawn to concepts like these because I've put so much of myself into Suiren and her getting comfort is very spiritually healing for me#especially since my support network is literally limited to one online friend who doesn't always have the spoons to pull me out of my ruts#nor should it be her job to. I'm not implying that#but there's only so many ways I could write essentially the same thing. you know?#I don't think I could make it different enough for it to not be 'astraphobia but a little to the left'#and it sucks. because I've really been wanting to touch on Suiren's trauma responses that aren't completely shutting down#but I don't feel like I can pull it off#but no one else will but me....#ugh. I'm gonna talk myself into a breakdown if I keep on like this#I need someone to slap me every time I start talking like this. maybe that will train me out of it#just wrote out like five other self depreciating tags before realising that I was doing it again and deleting it#I need to stop
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completed.
EDIT: this has now, as of this edit, reached over 2,000 notes. And I have started doing the things. My life is still far from perfect, but I genuinely do scroll through all the replies and reblogs and watch people get other people to help and reassure me and check on me and it makes me feel so much more loved than i normally do. i'm even going to bed earlier because you said i should. i love all of you so much, and i owe you 2,053 times. all my love, witch.
ORIGINAL POST:
ok here goes. i haven't taken enough care of myself recently. so here we go
if this reaches 100 notes i will start doing yoga again, to help with my anxiety COMPLETE (how you guys are insane)
if this reaches 200 notes i'll start studying more and putting in more effort COMPLETE (o my gosh)
if it reaches 500 i will actually try my best to exercise for the right reasons, instead of random bursts of self-hatred/body hatred COMPLETE (i posted this yesterday evening)
if this reaches 700 notes i will try my absolute best to fix my sleep schedule COMPLETE (ok this is insane)
if this reaches 1000 notes i will be more honest with my therapist COMPLETE (dammit you guys ilysm but this is gonna be hard)
if this reaches 2300 notes i will be more honest with myself about why i am turning to tumblr for this kind of thing and write a poem about it. (this one is a joke since i think 5000 is impossible, and i will write a poem for you guys anyway. i love you) (i’ve now changed this to a more reasonable goal - one really close to what i have now - because honestly i want you guys to succeed because the fact that people are still on this post is insane and it makes me smile.) AND COMPLETE! (i love every person who interacted with this post so much it isn’t even funny. all my gratitude and adoration, witch)
this ends at the beginning of may. you can spam i guess i have 35 followers it prob wont even reach 100. but go ahead, tumblr, do your thing. lol
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