#I got to see my classroom and all
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Contract is signed I’m officially teaching third class (age nine ish) in September
#I got to see my classroom and all#it has blackboards instead of whiteboards#haven’t seen a classroom with blackboards since my own primary school days#I’m kind of excited to draw on them#it’s my classroom I can draw on the blackboard whenever I want#gonna have to start trawling charity shops for kids books now that I have an age range#and ideally Lego and board games for when it’s too wet to let them go out to play too
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being the youngest person at work is being the honorary IT specialist despite knowing basically nothing abt technology except how to use google
#im not even like being modest when i say i'm embarrassingly bad at tech stuff#but bc i can use google and sometimes find a convoluted solution to a problem on my own i am an expert#currently the classroom ipad has not functioned properly for months#and i'm the only reason it functions at all lol#as soon as i leave its gonna be a shitshow lol#they cant even open the gallery to see the pics of the kids like its supposed to it hasnt opened in months#i'm the only person who knows to go to files to see the pictures and delete some for more space#and it took me a minute to figure out how to delete hundreds at a time#i usually delete 2k or so at the beginning of every week#bc we take like hundreds every day then sort thru for the good ones to post for the parents#so it's got thousands of pictures on it and you get storage warnings constantly#and it stops working#its got other problems too tho#but i at least got the picture taking and deleting problem mostly figured out but its not the way it was#yet its usable thanks to me only#and all my coworkers will be fucked when i leave bc they're all old lol#we already sent it to the office to get fixed twice and it came back the same#and im p sure this school doesnt have an actual tech department#and they'll be annoyed if they're told they have to buy a new one#bc the KNOW that i was making it work for months#so whoever says its impossible is just a failure lol#anyway#lol#anyway when i go home i call my brother to handle all technology issues w anything#bc i really suck at it#but at work i'm like a tech genius just bc im under 30
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has chizuutan been sitting this close to aizo in class all this time…?
#when the classroom is huge but you’re only like 3 seats away from the dude you’re delulu about#careful chizuchan one wrong move and aizo will see your pics of him looking incredibly dumb mid-jump#but man. all of them suck at keeping secrets. lxl and hiyo suck at pretending to not know each other.#and chizuchan sucks at pretending to not be a crazed aizo stan. juri never had any secrets to begin with so she’s all good. good girl.#tried rereading the [redacted] manga to check (big mistake) and left wonder wth the [redacted] anime writers were on when they wrote it#chizuutan’s personality flipped too abruptly. and wdymmmm she was able to sneak pics of aizo properly pre-notice board scene#o n l y to suddenly become a very obvious and suspicious stalker the moment she outed her bestie#and her throwing her bag and colouring hiyo out of her stalking snapshots was. very weird.#it’s as though she only did it so that a randomly spawning yujiro could catch her in the act to expose her for her misdeeds later#lord forbid people write flawed women properly#man. it feels like the [redacted] anime writers wrote themselves into a brick wall one too many times#and resorted to butchering their characters to plothole their way out of it.#they totally bit off more than they could chew with their attempts to resolve and rationalise all existing plot points in the series so far#that someya bros bar scene is still dumb as heck im sorry#anyway live laugh love kawaikute gomen manga: the spinoff that’s >>>>>>>>> the original (aka the [redacted] anime)#mmmmmm anyway i hope there won’t be an mv tomorrow (delusional) i may be hauled off to bid my bro safe travels s o.#wouldn’t it be funny if we finally got kimikawaii tomorrow though lol#ik we probably wont since the mona album countdown is still goin but. still.#if we must get an mv… nakamahazureplsplsplspslsplspslpslsssssd#chizuutan chizpost
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aughhhh. aughhhhhjhhhh
#everhoneignore this post classic rant post i don't have real problems everyone can move along#truly have had such a bad couple of days here and i am not even close to finishing the assignments i need to finish in welding being in#clsss makes me want to quit and die i don't know why i'm so slow i don't know why everyone else can intuit this stuff and improve and#understand how to do it and im always always falling behind if i could try harder wouldn't i be able to do that ive got no drive to push#myself at all i guess i like the english and i can do the physics i thought i at least liked drafting and metals fabrication but i feel so#stupid everything i do makes me feel so stupid and my teacher talks to me like i'm always doing everything wrong when i do some classroom#ettiquette breaches that everyone else does too and i can't get myself to go to sleep on time can't get myself to go in early i have hours#and hours and hours and i blink and it's gone and i've done nothing i should've welded today and gone in early to draft but i didn't because#im stupid and im slow and i can't do anything right i have always been able to square away a little bit of pride on being precise on doing#things well because people are always telling me that i am but i am below average here i just can't do things right and i feel like everyone#hates me and thinks i'm obnoxious and i don't know how to interface with my class or my teacher or how to improve or how to be less anxious#and i feel even stupider for that because i am so stuck up not being able to deal with even a little bit of failure or issue or hardship#and everyone around me is sick all my classmates and people in my dorm are sick im sure it's covid they haven't said it's covid but none of#them would test and i've been wearing a mask again but im certainly been exposed to it already and no one else is wearing a mask anyway so#what difference does it even make and i can hear them coughing in my dorm and in the classroom and when i go to get food and i miss seeing#my friends from philly and everuthing will be terrible forever and ever#alex talks
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I think I finally understand what’s at the root of all my weird little problems and why I have such a hard time connecting with my body.
I do so much work to read and be smart as a defensive mechanism because I’m a really kind caring person and that makes me a little naive and I look a lot younger than I am so I feel like people think I’m easy to manipulate.
But then there’s a part of me that feels like it’s not safe to be smart, and that sounds so weird and counterintuitive but I realized it’s because I’m terrified of being seen.
Like if I’m smart I’m going to have to act on it and challenge people and that’ll bring attention on me that I don’t want to deal with so I’ll continue to be the kind naive nice girl even if people are mistreating me because it’s not safe to be seen it’s not safe to be smart.
Like my body will not use basic protection methods like setting boundaries, saying no or standing up for myself because that requires me to get over that fear of being seen. Like my body fears being seen more than it fears being mistreated and that’s kind of terrifying.
#it’s why my nervous system is so dysregulated because all the methods of healing and getting better require being seen#and having vulnerable conversations that feel scary and overwhelming to my nervous system#that’s learned that to be safe I have to hide and not take up a lot of space#and I know I learned that directly in my abusive house and elementary school where if I did like one thing wrong I’d have a teacher#screaming in my face even though I was a literal child going through abuse at home#so I was never taught emotional regulation or how to interact with people in a healthy way#I’ve also had a lot of friends who didn’t like when I was smarter or better at something than them and they would get insecure#and immediately try to put me down to make themselves feel better so that reinforced that it wasn’t safe to stand out and be smart#partially because I didn’t want to hurt other people’s feelings and partially because I learned it made me vulnerable to criticism#I didn’t understand why I always end up being friends with people who are kind of manipulative/ people who don’t genuinely like me and see#me as this punching bag to take out their insecurities and unhealed trauma#but I think these people feel safe in a way because I know they’ll never see me and I won’t have to be super vulnerable#I also don’t really trust myself and I’m so scared of being mean or hurting other people because my teachers called me mean and entitled and#disrespectful all the time bc I didn’t know how to communicate that I felt mistreated and scared in their classrooms#and any attempts I tried to do it in a healthy way ended with me getting punished anyway#I remember I tried to write a letter to my parents because I didn’t want to be in my 2nd grad teacher’s class anymore bc she was really mean#to me and I was so hypervigilent of getting in trouble and I left the letter in a folder in my desk#and my teacher went through my desk and I got sent to the principal’s office over it even though I didn’t remember saying anything mean or#disrespectful in it I was literally just trying to advocate for myself and I got punished for that too#personal
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The fucking disconnect is so real.
#theo's thoughts#Story time for the people who love reading tags bc I love sharing things in the tags#So I work at a therapeutic day school and this past school year like four school days before Thanksgiving break I was asked a question#The question was if I would be willing to step up and be a long term sub in a middle school classroom#To me this was less of a question and more of a hey we need someone to do this and you're who the assistant teacher asked for#Which cool yeah fine I'll give it a go I really like that person (the assistant teacher who asked for me) and I trust her judgement on this#I was asked and accepted on Thursday. Friday‚ Monday‚ and Tuesday happen. Then three day Thanksgiving break#When we got back from break I was the teacher and it was rough at first and it sure as hell was never easy but I enjoyed it#My formal teacher observation was my boss basically going like so I see you doing all the things and the basis is there#But it's not being followed through on because of behaviors from the most unmedicated classroom I've seen in all my years working education#And now for the summer they're changing 2/3 staff that were in the room and who even knows who the teacher will be (a new hire? Maybe?)#If there truly is a new hire coming in (fed to the wolves immediately btw what a dick move) but that new hire will be the fourth teacher#These kids have had in a year? A year and a half max. The fourth. After the only thing I've been repeatedly told by admin for months#Is that we need to be stable and consistent because we may be these kids' only reliable source of that consistency and stability?#So you're going to have me come in and tell me I've done such a great job and then tell me you're moving me to 'give me a break'#Trauma informed care my fucking ass. I hope those kids raise fucking hell over it.#The brutal satisfaction of watching your own crops burn and knowing that the invaders will starve is great and all but these are kids!#They're barely just about to be teenagers (11 at the youngest and 14 at the oldest) and this is what you're going to do to them?#Yes they can be complete assholes and are often dicks to one another but they're in our school for a fucking reason? I don't get it.#Then two hours later after being told abt the change‚ the clinical director puts me as one of the three main recipients in an email#Saying that there's going to be a new student starting in that room in the summer and the real icing on the cake?#This all happens on last day before summer break. we're out of session for two weeks now and you're just dropping these changes on us now?#God I'm so fucking tired
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#christ. so i was selected as the top candidate for the program i interviewed with on Friday#and im very annoyed and very pleased and also annoyed that im pleased#im pleased bc it means that they were impressed with what ive done to this point and they think i communicate well. which is cool#and the project is very very cool and id love to work on it#am annoyed bc this does put pressure on me to accept bc they can only put one student forward so if i dip out then thats it for them#which i find extremely stressful. and everything is just so much more complicated if i go to the uk for a phd#and i dont get the luxury of faffing about and taking a bunch of classes like i could in the us. ugh but it would b so cool to go back to#the uk and i wouldn't have to fucking drive. ugh. this project.#ugh its like my boss said#sometimes the project is more worth it than the school. id have crazy cool opportunities to learn things on this project#but at the cost of taking a lot of classes in the us. but every project is what u make of it#but im so fucking dyslexic thst its hard to learn outside a classroom bc i cant concentrate and i dont have a person talking me thru the#info. so idk idk. hopefully when i visit the other school ill kno how i feel#god but i loved living in the uk. and i could travel so much more freely there bc the trains and all that. im so fucking restricted bc im#so terrified of driving. i dont have good reaction speed and i space out too much and i get intrusive thoughts#sigh... but id be a whole 24hrs of travel away from my family instead of the 10hrs thst i am now#so id probably only get to see them once a year maybe? in contrast to 2 or 3 times#and im just worried something terrible will happen and then ill be like fuck i wasted all my time making myself miserable so far away#idk. im so tired. we had like a mile abd a half hike out to a site one way and we left at 7.30 got back at like 4#it was a long fucking day. and im tried. and i have no filter. and when i talk too much it really annoys me#also! i got confirmation that i fucking suck at recording data. wow im so shocked. its basically designed for me to be terrible at#but its still slightly embarrassing. like srry i fucked up ur data. i cant write words correctly#literally i kept writing my Ls upside down today. why? idk that not how i see them. my brain just cant make Language right lol#whatever. my parents r calling tomorrow and i can info dump at them abt my dyslexia knowledge and my academic knowledge of biblical history#bc instead of listening to anything useful to my job. i choose to listen to lectures on neurology and theology. bc fucking idk#its interesting im relearning my bible lore from a non religious perspective. theology is fucking fascinating. ugh anyway#i shoulf sleep im so fucking tried#unrelated
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ugggghhh ok so I’m reading some books to prep for my student teaching in the fall, the ones that my host teacher knows are likely to be in the curriculum, and first of all why is it a thing that high schoolers are made to read Contemporary Lit Fic that can be summed up as “how many gory explicit descriptions of traumatic abuse can we fit into one book”, like every year it’s just One Standard Shakespeare Play, One Twentieth-Century American Classic, throw in some other shit, and Somebody’s Fucked-Up Memoir From A Decade Or So Ago. Are there any contemporary books that are good but NOT traumatizing? If not, I’m happy to stick to classic lit personally
ANYWAY so I’m reading this book to prep for the fall and I ended up skimming the whole latter 3/4 or so of the book to spoil it for myself so the suspense wouldn’t kill me, and now I’m up late despite being super tired because my brain is just cycling through every horrific thing in the book, plus the reviews I read online, some of which are insanely saying shit like “wah wah, get over it, stop whining, we all had rough times in our childhood” and I’m like... Am I the softest, most naive baby on the planet for reacting to this horrific memoir by feeling bad for the author and thinking that maybe we don’t need to be making high schoolers read this? I’m not saying it’s not well-written- it is well-written, and well-structured, but Jesus Christ.
(also why are we allowed to make students read horrifying memoirs of abuse but god forbid they know that slavery happened in this country, but that’s a different issue altogether)
so yeah I now have managed to make my entire evening about Trying And Failing To Get Some Images Out of My Head, which sucks because I had a LOVELY day and was looking forward to some well-earned sleep, and also I’m gonna have to go back and read the entire book so that I’m able to teach it properly and know all the literary devices in it and shit. Cool cool cool
#this is the same classroom where i did my student observing and their 'holocaust book' was this book called sarah's key#which is also unnecessarily traumatizing but doesn't even have the decency to be written well#and i asked my host teacher like 'hey. do we provide any like... emotional support to the students when they read That Scene'#and she was like 'yeah i have them write a response paper about their emotions reading the scene'#and idk i'm not 100% sure that's enough?#i know high schoolers put on a big song and dance about how edgy they are and how they can handle seeing any fucked-up shit#and some of them really do unfortunately have to live with fucked-up shit for real#but like. they're still humans? who are growing and developing? let's maybe give them breathing room with these things?#i love my host teacher she's great but i'm not confident she's gonna provide a lot of emotional support re: this memoir to the students#she's also way tougher and more resilient than i am. and so are most of the students tbh. i'm a tiny baby kitten and i know this#still i feel like we should probably allow some room for acknowledging Yeah That Was Fucked Up Huh#It's Normal To Feel Sad Now Actually#ANY THE FUCKING WAY. wish i'd gone to sleep early like i planned#at least it's the weekend tomorrow and all i have to do is go prove i don't have tuberculosis. again!!!!#(not that i had tuberculosis before. i just got tested before but it was over 6 months ago so not good enough)#that's also for student teaching!#i feel like my personal posts on this blog are just a psa on why not to become a teacher#i swear i love teaching lol but i love kvetching more#written by me
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Unfortunately I don't play Genshin anymore due to storage problems BUT IM ALSO A WANDERER MAIN LMAO AND OMFG THANK YOY VERY MUCH FOR THE COMPLIMENT COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO'S ONE OF MY FAV AUTHORS AND YES FARUZAN SUPREMACY AAAAAAAAAAA ILY SM<333
I'm literally going crazy bc you replied to my crazed fan ask HAHAHAHAHA
\(//∇//)\ i am definitely not responding late!! i perceive time like a normal human would.. and that’s so crazy!! ♡
i have loved wanderer since maybe my first time hearing his existence?? i’m not a day-one-er but quite close! so glad he did not get signora’d. if you play on mobile you can try deleting the app and redownloading because the clear old files option doesn’t actually clear everything, and sometimes a redownload may be able to fit within your storage! i absolutely adore faruzan though!! peak character design even if she is genshin’s hatsune miku, not complaining though i think her glass looking dress-skirt is amazing. (*´∀`)♪
i’m happy to be able to talk and respond to people!! getting asks just talking to me or people sending things like how they think my writing style is pretty makes me super happy!! so i’m equally as fanboy-ing when you and others talk to me!! ╰(*´︶`*)╯
#you can ignore the tags they are just random thoughts but there’s also like a responsible crewel brainrot at the bottom!!#i seriously cannot respond in a mandated time because my concept of time is warped?? what do you mean 2015 was 8 years ago what do you mean#also does not help i get so distracted with my own fic like legs twiddling thinking of my yuu that no one will see with his dorm and their#lore that i need to write down but then i get distracted trying to draw my characters and oh dear where did time go#im normal about my characters (fake) but everyone probably has that one oc they have like a story kit on the ready to drop on friends#another genshin rant but i got thundering pulse!! so far no weapon banner loss- 1 lost 50/50 but to tighnari so no loss#considering he would be hardest to get on a bows only acc with no guarantee on ever having the boy#i actually barely started the event because i did not feel like getting to inazuma legit. would rather speed run or glitch to inazuma#but now my yoimiya banner is like 20 pity at least but now that’s also a problem because?? i want her c1 actually but need to save stop bad#i also get distracted by fun ideas!! like father figure crewel or a reader that is like his unofficial assistant please let me brainrot for#the class. so reader is not in a club unlike grim who canonically is one but in this fic reader is crewels unofficial student assistant and#helps him at his club bc iirc he’s the science club advisor and they spend time after school grading exam papers with#him and he has cookies and talks to you for hours and you can come early to clean the classroom and can just rant about the boys or rmshckle#he basically is the one you go to because crowley will not do anything!!#in my universe (ehe) my yuu and his dormmate crewels nephew have a uniform designed by nephew+crewel so id like to think in this brainrot#that crewel gifted you a uniform he designed. also ALSO!! he makes sure you eat#and that you are not bullied. he also took it upon himself to give you challenging material so he can prepare you to live within a foreign#environment. considering how you are almost not guaranteed to do so well on your own so he teaches you things not school related like basic#sew life skills or tidbits he knows from being an adult that’s all#questions of styx.
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I find it weird when ppl act like things like having used blackboards+whiteboards and the big chunky tvs r experiences only 90s kids and before would know,, like?? Hi???
#sep talks#I'm still a minor and I had one of those boxy tvs growing up!!#we had 2 of them actually. Not at the same time it's just the first one broke so we got another#I remember getting smartboards in school!!!!! I remember how exciting it was!! I remember how calibrating them was So Fun#and none of those smartboards actually have pens anymore so they're less useful than a whiteboard abdjfnjdnd#my classrooms didn't have laptops until i was maybe 12 and even then it was a Massive Privilege to get to use them#and like. As far as I can tell these r all common experiences among ppl I know irl my age#so I think it's perhaps very american to act like that stuff isnt smth anyone younger than 20 would know abt#idk. It always kind of annoys me when I see a post like this#acting like stuff like 'slightly older tvs' and 'not having laptops in the classroom' r things only 90s kids experienced#some of us weren't american!! Some of us went to schools with shitty funding!!! Some of our families didn't have much money!!!!#me and my mum both have the exact same childhood memory of the teachers bringing out the big clunky tv#on the wheeled stand#and it being a Massive treat (even tho we were watching School Stuff)#anyway yeah. Saw a post. I think it's stupid
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please do not judge a teacher for whatever corny shit they have on their desk or in their classroom/office or even their home. it was a gift
#i'm barely a teacher and i accumulate corny shit at alarming rate#this actually goes for at home too#i got a cup for christmas that says: in my teacher era#i threw out the first corny teacher gift i got but now i live in fear#that somehow those parents will appear in my home and ask where it is 😂#it was a custom engraved post it note holder that said: miss lizzie your influence can never be erased love andrew#🤣🤣🤣#and i was like okay i will never use this in my life and i have enough clutter#but then i came dangerously close to agreeing to babysit andrew while i was between jobs and having him over to my house to see the cows#thank goodness the cows didn't work out bc then my nightmare could have come to life#anyway now i keep all my corny teacher gifts bc i live in fear#and genuinely we get so much#several of my coworkers just got giant framed inspirational quotes that are pretty meh lol#thank goodness i don't have my own office or classroom 🤣#if anyone gives me decor of any kind i can take it gome and stick it in a closet#but i just can't bring myself to throw it out#this has been a shitpost#forgot my first actual teacher gift was a nice stanely cup which i do use but it's huge#but the first corny one was the post it note holder lol#i'm still accumulating teacher gifts from christmas#on wednesday i got a two foot tall homemade sculpture of a christmas tree#and candy canes and a homemade confection i will tentatively label as fudge but dare not eat#lmao#i do genuinely love and appreciate that the kids get me stuff but lmao
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💭
#the past 2 nights I’ve had dreams with the guy I kinda have a crush on & went to the same hs/college with (but only had like 1 conversation)#like always my dreams take place in some kind of school setting#first dream was I walked around for awhile till I found one particular classroom that I went into#I then had to do some kind of project in front of the class that involved like acting??? but could have someone else help me#after looking around for a moment/I asked him to help me with my project#so he did/ I had to go to a couple of marks around the room and act out a couple of scenes#he helped out with props and was also like acting alongside with me#in the end after doing all the scenes/we did good and got a good grade#last night was a hella weird dream in the first half#I guess like me and him were like already dating and comfortable together#maybe a bit too comfortable cuz uhh I was in the bathroom in the dream and he was with me… in the stall#idk we were there for a little while and I guess he was just waiting for me#after I was done we walked together to class but uhh the bathroom like transformed into a classroom so we didn’t go that far#we were watching a movie in class and had to take notes I guess#then for some reason I moved away from him and sat closer to the front but my view was blocked by the projector#still can’t get over the fact that the past 2 nights I’ve had dreams about him…#he also recently reactivated his personal instagram account after awhile cuz some sketchy page of a girl was threatening to blackmail him#god… I really do have a crush on him… it was his birthday last week too and he reposted a video his mom posted and he grew a beard 🥰#god I wish I could talk to him and get to know him more but I’m too chicken and too afraid#I think soon I’m gonna talk to my best friends about this and see what they think/say#UGGHHH I really do like him a lot don’t I??? 🥰😖👉🏼👈🏼#jazz uses curse! 💜
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i should not be allowed to think past midnight tbh i should be head empty at this point of the night
#just. usual first day of class anxiety#i didn't had it this bad before i graduated from school#when i entered the institute i was just. dying inside the first day. didn't dare to separate from my friends sides until they gave us our-#classroom's number#and i was all alone there with only one person that i already knew and i didn't even talk to them too often#glad that i got to know two more people this past year and kept in contact with old friends#i even grew closer to one of my oldest friends#but still. i dont like what im supposing that will happend this year. i dont want to loose more friends because of a fight. again.#wasn't even a fight i dont know what exactly happened i dont remember details. it wasn't a problem with me though.#just between them. but i dont want to choose again. this is why i always try to see both sides beforehand#i just. im just spiralling im tired but not enough to fall asleep i should fix my sleep schedule yeah#hope this year isn't that bad. at the end is my last year at the institute i should be already prepared for this#i should worry for when i move out and enter college instead#yeah im just going to watch some videos and play my silly phone medieval cats game sounds like a good plan#i talk#lay rants
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If my lead gets promoted I'll probably be offered the promotion to her position and I'm thinking I might take it
#she keeps saying we dont know what will happen she's not the only one going for it blah blah blah#i think she's trying not to get her OWN hopes up#but i cant see it going another way#of all the candidates she just has the right temperment#like she'd do soooo good in the position#im nervous tho. the other times ive been a lead have been disasters#mainly because no one explained what a lead should be DOING.#they just gave the label and a raise and sent me in lmao#and it was fine yk no one got hurt but i didnt know how to Manage a classroom or curriculum but that also didnt super matter becos#first one was a lowkey daycare and they were 1-2s so. not much curriculum to be done#second one was an aftercare program and honest to god i got a raise and the title but they did not treat me like a lead#no planning time but i wasnt running the room right and no one would just SAY i was doing it wrong or whatever#anyway. theres structure here and i know theyd help me figure it out#my lead thinks i can 100% do it#my old lead told me today how proud of me she was.. :'-))))))#she was like 'i've been watching you in [my new class] and im really proud of you youre doing great🥺'#i may have cried. djfhhsjfkgksjdh#but damn#crazy.#me being a lead?#even crazier.#like a REAL ACTUAL lead who is in charge and does curriculum and organizes potlucks and field trips and projects#eugh. hate the sound of it. but it would be a good way to push myself#see how sexy i am for that? ugh i love an appropriately sized challenge are you kidding#< that's my hottest feature imo. i do like to be healthily challenged
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I love how deeply I can feel things for people, places, things, or whatever else I love
#I love the memory of little kid me seeing two reflective tape things over the hill by my first house and thinking they were power rangers#I love that I've met people that changed me so deeply even if they aren't around anymore#I love my second home in maine that made me feel so comfy and opened me up to a world where I met someone that changed everything#I love the fact I've found so much good music by accident#I love all those versions of me that were good or fucked up or tried and failed#I love the fact I have the candle my mom bought me when we moved from chicago to maine in 2008 still with me today#I love that I suck at painting but I still do it anyway#I love how hugely I can feel whether that is good or bad because it makes everything feel so important and meaningful#I loved the fact I kissed someone in the rain like a romantic movie#I love that my best friend and I played a beatles song together and got a rounding applause from an entire classroom#I will never let myself feel bad for feeling big things and I won't let anything diminish or dilute me#I still remember the layouts of all my homes and schools and friends homes and relatives homes and stores I loved#In fact I want to make a game room when I build my home to look like gamecrazy
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First verbal altercation almost escalating into a physical fight ~in my classroom~ of the year!
2 months in is not bad
#honestly it was fine#I don't think I could have handled it any better#and it ended and we all moved on#and it didn't ruin my day or anything 😊#unsure if I would have been able to brush it off as well if I didn't feel like I'd handled it well#and I have this icy kid who has answered my question twice in a row now! the ice is melting! I think I'm winning him over#it's probably weird that like it's my birthday and I honestly wouldn't want to be anywhere else#like that's how much I genuinely love my job#I got to share The Princess Bride (my fav movie) with one class! it's such a good movie and I CANNOT wait to discuss it with them#I just love being able to share things with them!#and helping them navigate things#Ialso got my first 'are you gay?'today so that was fun-Iwas honest that I didn't want to answer the question yet&they were really respectful#they were like contract????#but I also said 'but if you have a hypothesis - it's correct' I mean I'm the head of the Gay Straight Alliance for Christ's sake#I think flipping conflict in the classroom into an opportunity to help them navigate this moment is helpful#part of me is 'this isn't supposed to be part of my job' but also it is#I will say that it can't always be that - like sometimes they're not even able to see/hear you#today I had to say 'can you look at me' 'can you listen to me' like 15 times to the kid until he finally heard/saw me#he's a good kid but she was pushing his buttons and being straight up rude
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