#I got to here from fucking glitch plants... jesus

[dontcare77ghj]

Breaking The Fourth Wall

Wanda x reader x Vision

Wanda awoke to an empty bed and sunlight blinding her.

"Look, we've all been there, right?" Wanda chuckled as she sat on a chair in Vision's dressing gown. "Letting our fear and anger get the best of us, intentionally expanding the borders of the false world we created." Wanda wondered.

Wanda let out a sigh as she laid in bed at the image of soldiers running in fear, and screaming invaded her mind before pulling the covers over her head.

"Mama, are you coming down soon?" Tommy asked as he and his siblings rushed into her bedroom.

"Mama, our game is freaking out!" Billy exclaimed.

"The systems keep changing!" Luna recalled.

"Is she asleep?" Tommy wondered after their mother stayed quiet.

"Mama's not sleeping, honey," Wanda announced. "She's just resting her eyes." She said from under the covers.

"Kids, what did I say about bothering your Mama?" Y/N asked as she entered the bedroom. "I told you that she's not feeling well."

"But, Mom, my head feels weird. It's, like, really noisy. I don't like it." Billy told Y/N.

"Resting her eyes," Wanda repeated as Y/N pulled Billy in for a hug.

"It's okay, sweetheart. C'mon, kids, Mama's not feeling well. Let's let her rest, and find you something for your head, Billy." Y/N said as she ushered the kids out of the room.

"I feel like an ass," Y/N admitted, sitting in the living room. "I want to take care of Wanda, I do, but at the moment, I'm the only functioning parent in this house. Wanda's bedbound, Vis is MIA, and I've got three kids to look after." Y/N sighed. "They don't need to see her like this. They don't."

"As punishment for my reckless evening, I plan on taking a quarantine-style staycation," Wanda said, back in her striped chair. "A whole day. To myself. That'll show me." She nodded.

Wanda pulled back the covers on her bed to reveal she was still in her Halloween costume, causing Wanda to sigh loudly.

"I got to it first!" Tommy grunted, struggling to pull a controller towards him.

"You always get to it first!" Billy complained, pulling back against his brother's grip.

"Boys." Y/N snapped, moving forward and taking the device out of their hands. "Today is not the day for petty arguments, okay? I have to take care of the three of you and your Mama today, alright. I'm severely under-caffeinated and exhausted, so please, for me, be civil until I've at least had a coffee."

"I'll keep them civil, Mom." Luna piped up from the couch.

"We'll be good, Mom." Billy nodded as Wanda stumbled down the stairs, dressed in one of Y/N's shirts and Vision's dressing gown.

The kids all turned to stare at Wanda in confusion as she blundered into the kitchen.

"Wanda?" Y/N asked as she followed after her wife. "Sweetheart, what are you doing?" She wondered, watching as Wanda gathered items for breakfast.

"Cereal." Wanda simply said as the milk on the counter glitched.

"Why didn't you just ask? I could've brought it to you." Y/N said as Wanda sniffed her cereal.

"Well, I'm up now, so it doesn't matter," Wanda said as the milk turned, a grainy black and white.

"Yeah, I'm not sure what that's about," Wanda commented about the milk. "It's probably just a case of the Mondays. Am I right?" She chuckled.

After the events of last night, SWORD had had to create a temporary base about eight miles outside of Westview.

"Lucky for us, she pumped the breaks." A woman commented as she and Hayward stared at the red energy field. 

"Yeah. I feel very lucky." Hayward chuckled. "What's happening with the broadcast?" He asked her.

"Dead air. The signal's gone." She informed him.

"Make sure the team has everything they need. We launch today." Hayward nodded.

"Yes, sir."

Back inside the Hex, Vision was just beginning to wake up. Though, to his surprise, he was not waking up in his bed at home. 

He was waking up on a field, a field where a circus had set itself up around him.

Vision stopped in confusion as clowns, mimes and other circus folk walked around him.

What happened last night? Vision wondered, watching the milling people.

And then suddenly, it hit him. The memories of the night before, the pain he felt before collapsing and blacking out.

"You're the new clown?" A man in a leotard demanded as he approached Vision. "At least you're already in makeup." He sighed. "You're late for rehearsal with the escape artist. Come on." The man said, gesturing his head to the left before walking away.

Vision stared after the man in confusion before turning in the direction he nodded.

There stood a dark-haired woman, wrapped in chains. A woman Vision remembered from last night.

"Yeah, I'm not great at this gig, I gotta be honest." She admitted with a sigh. "It doesn't really speak to my skill set. I put in for the bearded lady, but this alabaster complexion wasn't fooling anyone."

As Vision's memory became more comprehensible, he began to stare at the woman quite intensely.

"Can I help you, creeper?" The woman asked, raising a brow at Vision.

"You don't remember me from last night?" Vision asked, causing the woman's eyes to widen. "We locked eyes. There was an unspoken understanding."

"Um, hard pass." She said, pulling the chains from her body before she began to walk away.

"No, wait. Wait up!" Vision called, rushing after her. 

"Y/N, have you seen Vis?" Wanda asked, shoveling a spoonful of sugary snaps into her mouth.

"Not since last night," Y/N told her. "I haven't heard from him this morning. I'm worried about him."

"Hm." Wanda hummed before walking into the living room. "Have you seen your Dad?" She asked the kids.

"No." Tommy shook his head, engrossed in the video game before him.

"Do you wanna go look for him?" Billy asked, turning away from the game as Luna put her book down.

"Well, if he doesn't want to be here, there's nothing I can do about it." Wanda shrugged, grabbing the TV remote and changing the channel.

"Mama's kidding, guys," Y/N said, causing Wanda to snort. "Your Dad's just busy, that's all."

"Mama, what did Uncle Pietro mean about re-killing Dad?" Luna asked, biting her lower lip in worry.

"Actually, what did he mean, sweetheart?" Y/N asked, turning to her wife.

"He meant nothing." Wanda scoffed. "And don't believe a word that man said. He is not your uncle." She told the three children.

"Well, then, who is he?" Tommy wondered.

"Here's the thing, guys. I'm your Mama, and as such, you were counting on me to have all the answers, right?" Wanda asked, causing the kids to nod. "Well, I don't. I have no answers. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Niente." She laughed as the kids stared at her and their other mother worriedly. "I'm starting to believe that everything is meaningless. You're welcome to draw your own conclusions, but that's just where I'm at."

"Jesus fucking Christ." Y/N sighed, pressing her head into her hands.

"So maybe I went a little too dark there, but they'll be fine. Vision is made of Vibranium. And have you met my wife? The kids literally inherited tough skin."

"Okay, kids, why don't you go grab your jackets for me, okay?" Y/N asked, ushering the kids out of the living room as Wanda collapsed onto the couch. "Okay, we're going to give you some me-time. I'm taking the kids to the park, Wand."

"Are you serious?" Wanda asked, looking up at Y/N with wide eyes.

"Yes, you need a break," Y/N told her. "I don't know what last night was, and I certainly don't know what's going on this morning, but you need some time to yourself."

"I ever tell you that I love you?" Wanda asked, causing Y/N to smirk.

"Not this morning." She told her.

"I love you." Wanda sighed, leaning up to kiss Y/N as the kids re-entered the living room.

"I love you too," Y/N said as she pulled away. "Now, who's ready to go to the park?" Y/N clapped, turning to the kids, a convincing fake grin on her face.

"But who's going to stay and look after Mama?" Billy asked, looking at Wanda in concern.

"Guys, I'll be fine," Wanda promised. "Go. Have fun at the park." She shooed the four out the front door. 

When the door shut behind her family, Wanda was left alone.

And the silence of the house brought a smile to her face.

Wanda settled back into the couch, her bowl of cereal on her lap, as she turned her attention to the TV.

The TV wasn't able to hold her attention for long as her head snapped to the side to see a house plant glitching.

And then the fireplace changed.

A chair followed, and then the TV altered.

Wanda put her bowl of cereal on the table before she forced the living room to change back to its modern setting.

"I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine." Wanda chuckled. "I'm fine. I'm fine." She promised reassuringly. "I'm fine."

"Darcy made it through that last firewall all right," Jimmy reported. He and Monica had been driving all night, too afraid Wanda's Hex would catch them if they even slowed down.

"What'd she find?" Monica asked, glancing over at the man before turning back to the road.

"R and D reports. All on the same project. Code name, Cataract." Jimmy informed her. "Hayward wasn't decommissioning Vision. He was trying to bring him back online. And nothing worked until,"

"Wanda stole Vision's body." Monica nodded, the pieces beginning to fit together. 

"That's why he was so focused on tracking Vision inside the Hex." Jimmy realized.

"Hayward wants his sentient weapon back," Monica murmured.

"Someone has to tell Wanda," Jimmy said, causing Monica to nod. 

"Look. There they are." Monica grinned as she and Jimmy got closer to several cars and a large metal storage container.

She and Jimmy quickly got out of the car and made a beeline for a woman already walking their way.

"Major Goodner." Monica grinned.

"Captain Rambeau." The woman smiled.

"This is Agent Woo." Monica introduced as Jimmy reached a hand out.

"Nice to meet you." Major Goodner nodded, shaking Jimmy's hand firmly.

"Thank you so much for coming. My mother would appreciate your loyalty." Monica said, taking the Major's hand in her own.

"She's not the only one we're loyal to, Captain," Goodner told Monica. "Let me show you what we brought you." She said before leading the pair over to the tent. 

At Goodner's nod, a six-wheeled vehicle rolled out of the container.

"Did we get your specs right?" Goodner asked as Monica took several steps forward.

"She's perfect," Monica murmured, staring at the vehicle in awe.

"Hello, excuse me? You tried to help me." Vision said as he rushed after the dark-haired woman.

"Doubtful." She scoffed. "I'm notoriously self-involved." She said, continuing to walk away from Vision.

"No. No. No. Please, just hear me out." Vision begged, rushing in front of the woman, causing her to stop. "All right. I believe that you were a part of a team monitoring a supernatural anomaly. And now, well, you're in it." He said, causing the woman to sigh heavily.

"Fine. I'll go out with you, but I'm ordering the lobster." She said before attempting to walk away.

Vision let out a heavy sigh before a plan came to mind.

"Oh no, look! That mime! His tray is too heavy!" Vision gasped, causing the woman to spin and face said mime.

"Oh, your bad back!" She groaned before Vision pressed his hands to her temples. "Oh! Ooh, okay. Whoa!" Darcy gasped as the wall broke.

"Awake?" Vision asked, holding his hands out in case the woman toppled over

"Uh, yeah?"

"All right?" Vision confirmed.

"Ooh. Oh, hello, self. You know, part of me secretly wanted a guest spot on the show, but seriously? That sucked." Darcy admitted.

"Look, uh, what is your name? Your real name?" Vision demanded of her.

"Darcy Lewis." 

"Dr. Darcy Lewis." Vision sighed in relief. "I intercepted a communication regarding your work." He recalled.

"Hey, the lions just got off stage. You're up." A man in a leotard told the two, who promptly ignored him.

"Dr. Lewis, I have questions," Vision told her.

"I have answers." She nodded.

"Brilliant. I believe it's time we take our leave." Vision said, noting the leotard-clad man approaching them.

"You're right, but first, we need him," Darcy said, pointing to a man who was throwing knives at a board.

Throwing knives at a board with an abnormal accuracy rate.

"Him? Are you sure?" Vision wondered.

"Yes. Trust me, we need him. Awake." Darcy told him.

"Alright." Vision nodded before he and Darcy rushed over to the blonde man.

The man snapped around when the two approached, but before he could say a word, Vision pressed his hands to the man's temples and broke the wall.

"Oh, shit." The man grunted, dropping his knives to the ground. "I never wanted to be back in the circus." He sighed, rubbing his temples before looking up. "It's good to see you, Darcy. And you too, Vision."

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Vision wondered, cocking his head to the side.

"You do. You tried to choke me out once." He nodded. "I'm also your father-in-law. Clint Barton." He announced.

"We can catch you up on the road," Darcy said, nodding over to a funnel cake truck.

"I said you two are up." The leotard man said, appearing behind Vision and Darcy.

"No, I'm so sorry. But the three of us have a prior engagement." Vision apologized.

"They're not going anywhere." The man said, grabbing Darcy's arm. 

But Darcy wasn't having any of it and quickly turned around and punched him in the face.

"Oh no!" Vision hissed.

"My nose!" The man cried from the ground as Darcy high-fived Clint.

"Sorry." Darcy shrugged as the three began to run towards the van.

"Come on."

"Excuse me!"

"Out of the way."

"Where do you think you're going? Get back here!" The leotard-clad man yelled before the three loaded themselves into the van.

"To your house, I assume?" Darcy asked as Clint searched the car for the keys.

"Dr. Lewis, my questions, are my children safe?" Vision demanded.

"That I don't know."

"Are my wife's safe?"

"I don't know."

"And who is that imposter Pietro?"

"Beats me."

"Ah-ha! Let's get moving." Clint cheered, having found the keys.

"Excellent." Vision grinned. As Clint started the car, there was a second that Vision allowed himself to relax in his chair before there was a pounding at the window that caused him to yell.

"Get out of there!" The man ordered.

"Sorry, can't hear you." Vision said apologetically.

"What?"

"Drive!" Vision exclaimed, turning towards Clint. "I'm so sorry. We were double-booked by the agents."

"You have to be on stage."

"Never again, pal," Clint yelled out his open window.

"Step on it, Clint!" Darcy shouted.

"What are you doing?"

"Can't hear you." 

"You get back here! I need you! We need you!" The leotard man yelled, but it was fruitless.

The van had left the campground and was speeding towards Wanda and Y/N.

Y/N let out a sigh as she reached Vision's voicemail once more.

"Vis, please call me back. I need to know that you're okay and that you're safe. I need you, Vis, I need you now. I'm with the kids at the park. Something's wrong with Wanda, and I couldn't let them see her like that. Please, just. Please, just call me back. I love you." Y/N said before turning her phone off and turning her gaze back to her playing children.

"Y/N?" 

At the call of her name, Y/N turned around to see Agnes approaching the bench she sat on. 

"I thought that was you, hon." Agnes grinned, taking a seat beside her.

"Agnes, hi." Y/N gave Agnes a weak smile. "Were you out on a walk?"

"No, not today, hon. I actually went to your house." Agnes admitted. "I talked Wanda out of cutting her own bangs before she mentioned you and the kids were here."

"God, I shouldn't have left her alone." Y/N sighed, pressing her face into her hands.

"No, you did the right thing. No need to make the kids see their mother like that." Agnes promised. "You look like you need a break, Y/N. Say, why don't you bring the kids over to my house?" Agnes suggested.

"Oh, Agnes, are you sure?"

"Of course! Ralph just finished renovating the rumpus room, and the kids can play down there with Senor Scratchy, and we have some adult conversation." She told you. 

"That sounds great, Agnes." Y/N sighed happily. "Give me a second to round up the kids, and we can get going." She said as she stood.

"I'll help." Agnes offered. "I'll bluster Aunty Agnes' house of fun so much they'll never want to leave."

While Y/N had been at the park with the kids, Wanda had been enjoying the quiet of the house.

She'd been able to turn off her brain as she ate her cereal and mindlessly watched the TV. 

When her bowl was finished, Wanda rose from the couch and made her way towards the kitchen.

But it was when she neared the kitchen it started again.

The kitchen table glitched, reverting in style.

The light fixture was next, and the curtains soon followed.

And then the wallpaper to peel upwards, and the walls glitched between walls and windows.

The stairs flared, and Wanda snapped around when she heard the stork which had reappeared. 

"I don't understand what's happening." Wanda sighed, staring blankly at a wall. "Why it's all falling apart and why I can't fix it." She elaborated. 

"Do you think maybe this is what you deserve?"

"What?" Wanda asked, staring across from her in confusion. "You're not supposed to talk."

At Agnes' house, Agnes brought out a tray of snacks into the living room, where the kids sat playing with Senor Scratchy. Y/N was sitting in the kitchen, clutching a mug in her hands like it was her lifeline.

"Sweets for the sweets!" Agnes cooed, placing the tray on the table. "Penny, for your thoughts?" She asked Billy, who was gently patting her rabbit.

"I like it here," Billy told the woman.

"Oh, good. Is it because Senor Scratchy is such a good listener?" Agnes wondered.

"No. It's because it's quiet." Billy said before looking up at the woman. "You're quiet, Agnes. On the inside." He told her.

"And your colors are brighter." Luna piped up. "Brighter than the rest of the towns." She added in a low murmur.

"Do you think our Mama is okay?" Tommy asked their neighbor.

"Oh, for sure!" Agnes assured him. "You don't have to worry about your mom. She can do anything. She's a supermom!" She promised with a chuckle.

"Ralph says I sugarcoat things, but you try telling a ten-year-old that their mother is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs." Agnes shook her head with a sigh.

"Now, why don't you three go play in the basement while I talk with your Mom?" Agnes suggested.

The three kids gave her a nod before picking up Senor Scratchy and walking down the basement steps.

"How are you feeling now, hon?" Agnes asked as she re-entered the kitchen.

"Guilty, tired, like a crappy wife and mother." Y/N sighed, taking a long sip of her drink. 

"Oh, that's not true, hon. You're a great wife. And a fantastic mother." Agnes promised, standing across from Y/N at the island.

"I left my wife during her breakdown, I don't know where Vision is, and I'm pretty sure our kids are borderline traumatized from watching Wanda this morning." Y/N shook her head. 

"Oh, honey, I have seen trauma. Your kids are just fine." Agnes promised. "And you made the best decision you could in the moment. The kids didn't need to see their mother like that." 

"I know. But I'm just so tired," Y/N told her. "I'm so, so, tired." She yawned as her eyelids began to grow heavier and heavier by the second.

"We're all set, Captain." Major Goodner said as Monica was safely secured into her suit.

"Thank you." She nodded before turning back to the glowing red force field.

"Darcy's not here to give her stamp of approval," Jimmy said as he walked over to the woman.

"I know. Darcy's in there, and I'm gonna go get her out." Monica said, causing Jimmy to smile. "This is our last shot, Jimmy." She added before her helmet was secured.

"Godspeed, Captain." Jimmy nodded at her.

Monica returned the nod before taking a breath to steel herself and then walking over to the vehicle.

"How much faith do you have in this thing?" Jimmy asked Goodner.

"It's our most heavily-armored space rover. She's gonna sail right through. Unharmed." Goodner assured the man before pulling on her headset. "Capcom, check," Goodner asked after watching Monica strap herself in.

"Good, check," Monica said, clicking the vehicle on.

"On your order, Captain," Goodner told Monica.

"Moving out."

"Contact in five, four, three, two, one." Goodner counted down as the vehicle raced towards the Hex.

But instead of Monica cruising through the Hex on one, the vehicle simply crashed into the barrier.

"What happened to sailing right through?" Jimmy demanded.

"The density is matching her," Goodner said, brows furrowing in confusion.

"I'm close. It's gonna give!" Monica exclaimed as she tried to push through the boundary.

"The structural integrity is failing. It's disintegrating." Goodner said, reading from the screen.

"No, it's being rewritten." Jimmy realized before picking up a walkie-talkie. "Monica, get out of there! Do you copy, Monica? Get out of there!" Jimmy demanded as Monica struggled to pull herself out of the changing car.

Before the entire vehicle could change completely, Monica managed to burst her way out of the top. 

Tumbling to the ground below with a heavy thud.

"Get a medevac, now!" Jimmy yelled as he, and several of the soldiers, began to run towards Monica. 

As Monica rose to her feet, she had to watch in shock as the vehicle was spat out of the Hex and launched through the air.

"Watch out!" Jimmy yelled, causing the agents to halt in their tracks and narrowly avoid being hit by the car.

Monica stared at the wreck of what she thought to be her only way back into Westview in disappointment. She continued to stare at it before an idea came to her mind.

"No, no," Jimmy murmured, watching Monica turn to the Hex with new purpose.

"I can get through!" She promised, pulling her helmet off and throwing it to the ground.

"Monica! No!" Jimmy yelled as Monica sprinted towards the Hex until her hands met the barrier.

Monica couldn't remember the first time she crossed through the barrier.

And there was a part of her that was grateful for that small mercy, but she wished she was better prepared for the pain she felt now. 

As Monica forced her way through the barrier, memories of her past, moments she'd rather repress, began to resurface

It almost felt like she was breaking as Monica pushed her way further through the barrier. 

Monica was being torn apart, and it took everything in her to continue pushing and keep Geraldine at bay.

But finally, finally, Monica was able to dive onto the other side, into Westview.

But when Monica made it into Westview, something was different. Something had changed in her.

Monica could see the energy all around her.

But Monica didn't have time to dwell on what was happening to her.

She needed to get to Wanda.

"So, Wanda killed me?" Vision asked slowly. 

"Yes. But not because she wanted to. You asked her to do it." Clint clarified.

"Why would I have done that?" Vision wondered.

"To save half the universe," Clint told him, a frown appearing on his face at the memory.

"Did it work?"

"For a second, but Thanos, the bad guy, rewound time and killed you himself," Clint said.

"So in summation, I died, came back and died again." Vision nodded.

"Yeah, pretty much." Darcy piped up from the back of the truck.

"And both Wanda and Y/N had to watch. Both times." Clint added, slowing the car down to a stop.

"Oh man, another red light? We're in the sticks. This is overkill." Darcy groaned.

"I believe, I think that Wanda is creating these impediments to stop me returning home." Vision said, sitting in a chair outside the truck.

"Also, it never rains in Westview, right?" Darcy wondered, staring at the droplets on the windshield.

"Not unless Y/N is making it happen," Clint said as the light flicked green. 

The car's occupants let out a happy sigh, and the truck began to move once more before coming to a sudden halt.

Men in trucks had pulled up directly in front of their van and started working on the street lights, causing everyone to sigh heavily.

"I'm not amused." Vision shook his head.

"Great, just take your time, fellas." Darcy groaned, leaning back into her chair.

"So if I am to understand correctly, my original code dates back to an AI called JARVIS? But my corporeal form was born of Ultron's plan for global genocide?" Vision asked, seeking clarification.

"Yeah, it was a hell of a time." Clint shook his head.

"Then, what am I now?" Vision asked.

"You're Vision." Clint shrugged, causing Darcy to sigh.

"Look, I'm more of a STEM type of lady, so I thought Wanda just flipped a switch on your head and brought you back to life." She told him.

"But that doesn't explain why you can't leave the Hex." Clint cut in.

"But what I do know is that I've been watching the show for the past week, and the love you three have is real," Darcy told Vision with a genuine smile.

"It's always been real," Clint added. "I've always known it. I wasn't always there to see it, but I saw enough to know that you have always loved one another. That the three of you belong with together." He told his son-in-law.

Wanda had finally forced herself to get dressed and felt a lot better than she had earlier when she heard a call that ruined her day.

"Wanda? Wanda!" Monica yelled, forcing her way into Wanda's home.

"What are you doing?" Wanda gasped, staring at the woman in shock.

"Wanda,"

"How did you get in here?" Wanda asked, now looking the woman over in anger.

"Listen to me. This whole thing is about Vision." Monica started.

"Get out of my house," Wanda demanded, glaring at Monica with a fire in her eyes.

"Hayward was trying to bring him,"

"Don't talk to me about that! Don't talk about my family! I don't wanna hear about it!" Wanda snapped, using her magic to push Monica out of her house. "The drones, the missiles, Pietro?" Wanda demanded, holding Monica in the air for all the neighborhood to see.

"No, wait, Pietro, that wasn't us." Monica stammered.

"All you do is lie!" Wanda exclaimed before throwing Monica to the ground. 

But Monica did not crumple to the ground. Monica stopped her descent and stared up at Wanda with electric blue eyes.

"The only lies I've told are the ones you put in my mouth," Monica said, taking small steps closer to the witch.

"Careful what you say to me," Wanda warned, creating a ball of red energy by her side.

"Do it then. Take me out." Monica shrugged. "See, see? This is where you and Hayward differ. He's gonna burn Westview to the ground just to get what he wants. Don't let him make you the villain." Monica pleaded with her once friend.

"Maybe I already am." Wanda swallowed harshly.

"I'm not afraid of you, Wanda. I lost the person closest to me, too. I get being scared. I know that feeling. The worst thing I can think of has already happened to me, and I can't change it. I can't undo it. I can't control this pain anymore! And I don't think I want to because it's my truth." Monica admitted. "Wanda, you have to," 

"Young lady, I think you have overstayed your welcome," Agnes announced, appearing beside Wanda out of nowhere. "Poor Wanda has been through enough," Agnes said, putting an arm around Wanda.

"This doesn't concern you," Monica told Agnes. "Wanda,"

"Run along, dear." Agnes dismissed Monica, already pulling Wanda away from her.

"Wanda, you have to take it down," Monica begged as the two started to walk away.

"No." Wanda snapped, turning around fiercely. "Don't make me hurt you."

"All right."

"Okay, let's wrap it up."

"Fucking finally." Clint sighed as the road before them began to clear of workers.

Just as Clint began to drive again, he was forced to stop by a woman walking into the middle of the road with a sign.

"Oh, come on!" Clint snapped.

"Come on, kids," Darcy whined, watching as a large group of children began to cross the road.

"Kids?"

"What's next, puppies?"

"I had no idea how much Wanda had endured before coming to Westview. The same for Y/N. I've had no idea how much the three of us have been through. Though I can't remember it." Vision mused. "For me, it feels like it happened to someone else, you know? But for Wanda and for Y/N, it was mere weeks ago." He shook his head. "What am I doing here, sitting, talking to you when I should be with them. This is absurd. I need to get to my wives. I need to go home."

"You always stop for dogs, Lewis, and that's final," Clint said before Vision phased out of the top of the van.

Flying away from them.

"So we'll just meet you there, then?" Clint yelled.

"Was he always like this?" Darcy wondered.

"Oh, here. Would you care for a cup of tea, dear?" Agnes asked, leading Wanda into her home.

"Sure. Thank you, Agnes."

"Okay, sit down. Be right back with that." Agnes promised, sitting Wanda down on the couch.

Wanda let out a sigh as she was left alone in Agnes' living room. 

As Wanda looked around her friend's home, she noticed things.

Three plates with sandwiches on them, three glasses of chocolate milk, a coffee cup, and a locket Wanda knew belonged to Y/N.

"Agnes?"

"Hm?"

"Are Y/N and the kids here?" Wanda asked, picking the locket up and holding it between her fingers.

"Oh, yes. I found them at the park and invited them here." Agnes responded.

"Where are they then? Where are the kids and Y/N?"

"Oh, I think they went down to the basement," Agnes told her. 

Without a word, Wanda rose from the couch and walked towards the basement door.

"Boys? Luna? Y/N?" Wanda called, walking down the stairs and further into the basement.

Much to Wanda's surprise, when she rounded the corner, she saw a doorway covered in thick vines.

Wanda called her family's names into the doorway, and when no one responded, she continued to walk forward.

At the end of the hallway, she found a small room. It, too, was decorated with vines, along with strange symbols and other items of intrigue.

One that particularly caught her eye was a glowing book. 

Wanda would have moved closer to the book but was distracted by the sound of footsteps.

"Wanda, Wanda. You didn't think you were the only magical girl in town, did you?" Agnes wondered, now standing across from her with Senor Scratchy in her arms. 

As Wanda stared at Agnes in confusion, Agnes raised a hand and caused the door to slam shut in a purple glow. 

"The name's Agatha Harkness. Lovely to finally meet you, dear." Agnes, Agatha, grinned before her eyes flashed a vibrant purple.

And with that, Agnes entered Wanda's mind and showed her who she really was.

Taglist will be open throughout the entire series

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[writer-ish]

the mortifying ordeal of being known

pairing: mason x detective (grace bennett) word count: 3.6k words | rating: E (minors DNI this is actually filthy) summary: It’s late summer in Wayhaven, Mason has been away for a few days, and Grace is hot and restless. 

For Week 3, Day 4 + 5 of @hotwayhavensummer​: Masturbation + Temperature

a.n. another one i started before i got sick, then realized it worked for TWO hot wsf days. once again brought to you by advil cold & sinus. if you see any typos no you didn’t. (i started this thinking it was going to be >1k words lolol jokes on me and you guys i guess.)

Grace kicks the covers off of herself irritably. 

It’s fucking hot. 

For the first time in awhile, she wishes she were back at her old apartment. It may have been small, cramped, and questionably structurally sound at the best of times, but at least she had her central AC (when it worked) and her little fan (when it didn’t). 

The Agency is top of the line in all areas. Her bedroom here is almost as big as her entire apartment was. It has space for her books, her knickknacks, a desk, candles, a plant or two (or three), whatever decorative pillows survived the roof collapse back in the day, and truly anything else she’d need. 

What it doesn’t have at the moment is air conditioning. 

Just a glitch, her mother had assured her. A temporary lapse that would be fixed shortly. 

“Shortly” was now rolling into its tenth hour, with no sign of relief on the horizon. Rebecca had basically told her to try and get some sleep and that it would likely be addressed in the morning. 

A top-of-the-line government facility with some of the smartest beings in the interdimensional universe and not one of them who could fix the air conditioning. 

Fucking bureaucracy. 

She huffs out a breath, feeling the air in her room sit heavy on her. Her eyes stare blankly up into the inky blackness of the room. There’s no light in here when the door is closed, which is usually how she prefers it, but now the darkness and silence - combined with the heat - feels suffocating.

Like there’s a weight on her chest; one that admittedly may not just be from the humidity.

It’s been four days.

Ridiculous, she knows, that she’s even keeping count.

When Unit Bravo had been told they had to attend a training retreat, Grace hadn’t even considered the possibility of going.

After all, Human Liaison aside, it’s not like she had to follow them everywhere they went.

She has a job thankyouverymuch. One that keeps her very busy. No time for training retreats on the island doing god knows what attended by lord knows who.

In fact, the lord’s knowledge aside, Grace truly hadn’t received any details about the retreat at all.

Oh, sure, she’d gotten an update from Nate upon their arrival. A few snaps from Felix of the admittedly lovely scenery. An email from Adam regarding patrol itinerary for the following week.

Nothing from Mason, though.

Granted, she could count her lifetime history of texts from Mason on one hand - two fingers, if she were being truthful.

The first: “It’s Mason.” when she had initially asked to program his number in her phone. And the second: “K” when she had texted him shortly after that to meet her at the station to go over some things with the rest of UB after a particularly eventful day.

That afternoon was also the afternoon where he’d told her he wasn’t a texter and to “quit that shit” with him.

She’d obliged.

Bracing her feet on the bed, she wriggles out of her pyjama bottoms - long pants? in this humidity? Jesus, Grace. - and tosses them to the floor. She’s wearing a long black t-shirt, an old, soft one of Mason’s that she’d confiscated one day and never returned—worn, comfortable, the idea of him if not the precise smell imbued in its fibres.

She sighs.

So he’s not a texter. She tells herself it doesn’t matter. A message, or lack thereof, isn’t always an indication of caring.

For instance, one could argue, he’d shown her just how much he cared the night before he’d left. Multiple times.

Her thighs rub together restlessly, as though she can still feel the chafe of his stubble between them.

If she closes her eyes, she can almost picture his head there, unruly dark waves between her fingers and glinting eyes looking up at her, a smirk embedded in the crinkles on either side.

Fingertips pressed tightly into her upper thighs.

Mouth on her, devouring, insatiable.

A soft moan escapes her lips and she presses her thighs together again, feeling the throb, the emptiness.

Missing him even more.

It’s so fucking hot.

And she just wants to sleep.

Maybe this will help, she lies to herself.

Reaching down, she lifts the t-shirt up, higher and higher until it’s tucked under her armpits, held in place by her chin. She hadn’t worn underwear beneath those pyjama pants, so it was easy access hours now. That hadn’t been her intent, but gift horses and whatnot. 

She doesn’t want to draw this out, doesn’t need to linger or make it last, but the minute her skin is exposed to the tepid air of the room, her nipples peak. And she thinks of Mason. 

She thinks of the attention he loves to lavish on her breasts. The ones she’d never given much thought to growing up except to lament their size in comparison to others. To pretend like it didn’t matter when Bobby made comments back in college about how she could barely fill in a tank top. Or act like she didn’t side-eye Tina’s D-cups with a bit of Sophia Loren-esque envy. 

But Mason doesn’t know about those feelings, nor does he care. Her “tiny tits” he calls them—perjoratively, one might assume, if he wasn’t saying it with something akin to adoration as he cups them, kisses them, laves them with attention. 

She runs her fingers lightly over them now, imagining his touch, wanting it so badly. She pinches her nipples lightly between her forefinger and middle fingers, rolls them with her thumbs. The feeling makes her squirm, ticklish and aroused and nowhere near as good as when he does it. 

Still, her hips arch and the tingling intensifies, her skin prickling with gooseflesh as she continues to play and massage. 

Her legs move restlessly on top of the sheets, spreading almost of their own volition.

Down here, they seem to say. Pay attention. 

Her hand trails lower, one staying at her breast, the other moving until it coasts through the softly trimmed thatch of curls between her legs and then further, into the tangle of liquid heat below. 

The minute her finger courses even lightly over her throbbing clit she moans out loud, louder than before. 

Fuck, that feels good. 

It’s been awhile since she’s done this - who needs it, when Mason is always around and has made it clear that he’s available whenever she wants him - but now in his absence, she’s realized that she, in fact, does need this. Very badly. Right now. 

Plucking diligently at her nipples with her left hand, first one side, then the other, with infrequently equal attention, she moves her right hand further, adjusting to the teeming wetness she finds at the entrance of her body, drawing that up and over the place aching for her attention. 

She closes her eyes and if she suspends her disbelief just so, she can almost imagine it’s him there, his hand, his tongue, in just the right spot— 

Whimpering, her hips snap up as she strokes diligently now, two fingers, maybe three, up and down and circling her clit, then gathering more of her growing slick, two fingers inside herself now, reaching, where’s the place he always seems to find?, and then moving it back up to where she really needs it, right there, yes, there— 

“Grace?”

Fuck. 

She stills, her whole body going stiff and not from climax. 

He’s here and he’s inside because he has a key of course he used his fucking key and it’s pitch black save one of the generator lights from the hallway shining a line across the room just shy of the bed. He can’t see her, she hopes and prays, even as she remains motionless, her hand still caught in the proverbial cookie jar.

“Grace? You good?”

He enters the room fully now.

(How decent is vampire night vision anyway?)

She sees him, a shadowy silhouette walking straight to the bed, before the door shuts and locks behind him, cloaking the room in darkness once more.

“Figured you’d be sleeping when we got in, but I could hear your heartbeat down the hall—”

She’d already shifted and pulled her shirt down over her bare legs, tucked them up and closed her eyes and evened out her breathing, as if that’ll help, but the minute he cuts himself off she knows.

She knows. That he knows.

There is a weighted silence.

“Oh.”

She can hear the smirk in his voice, the bastard. Her cheeks are burning and if fate allowed it she would simply choose to perish in this moment. 

“Detective.” There is mock reproach in his tone and now she wants to live if only so she can kill him.

She clears her throat, gathering the tattered shreds of her dignity. “I know you don’t like texting. Didn’t realize you felt the same way about knocking.”

The bed sinks with his weight and her right hand is snatched up before she knows what’s happening. She feels her palm press against his stubbled cheek, her fingers bumping over his prominent nose.

“Oh, fuck,” he groans. “I knew it. I missed that smell.”

In another heartbeat he’s on top of her and she gasps, even as she revels in the weight of him. It feels as though it’s been four years rather than four days of missing this.

He smells like the outdoors. Like rain and leather, the forest and Mason, and her eyes close as she inhales the smell she missed.

“Were you thinking of me, sweetheart?” he groans in her ear, pressing the hard ridge in his jeans into the soft cove between her open legs. She imagines what a mess she’s making of his pants and the throbbing intensifies.

“Maybe,” she says between gritted teeth. He shifts slightly and the breathy moan she lets out belies her attempt at apathy.

“Maybe? Oh, no.” He tucks a kiss into her neck. “I gotta start doing better then, don’t I?”

“Mason.” It comes out as a whimper, the unfulfilled promise of her climax causing her body to shiver with longing.

She runs her hands up and down his back, raking her fingers through his hair and pushing it back from his forehead. She can’t see anything, but she can picture him and he’s here. Despite it all, she’s happy about that, at least. Blindly, she grabs his face and pulls it towards her, meeting his lips in a sloppy biting kiss.

Mason is not a texter. He’s not good with words. But the way he speaks to her, like this, in hungry, devouring kisses, in deep strokes of his tongue, in fingers gripping her face as if he’ll never bring himself to let go—this language she understands.

“I missed you,” she admits against his mouth. Fuck it. It’s not like he didn’t know.

He shifts to kiss her cheek, then sits up, taking off his shirt in one smooth motion and tossing it on the floor. She runs her hands up his body, her eyes adjusting to the darkness only a little bit, seeing darker shadows against lighter ones. Her fingers tickle the course hair on his stomach and chest, raking across small flat nipples. He shivers.

“Being gone was shit,” he responds flatly, drawing her up against him until they’re both upright. With gentle hands, a tenderness no one would ever dream was in him unless they, too, spoke the language that only Grace and Mason understand, he lifts her shirt (his shirt) up and over her head, tossing it to the floor with the other.

He strokes her nipples with the backs of his fingers, up and down. She shivers. This was the feeling she’d sought before, the one she couldn’t quite replicate.

“Missed these,” he mumbles, fixated on her chest, stroking and pulling, sending tendrils of electrical desire through her body.

“Oh, sure,” she whispers on a light moan. “That’s all I am to you, a pair of tits.” 

It’s said jokingly, but there’s a kernel of truth to the statement. An ever-present fear that she’s just another body, even after all this time.

“Come on now, sweetheart, you know I feel just as strongly about this part of you.” Reaching down, he runs his hand softly over her, dipping into the slick wetness she can feel all over, even on the inside of her thighs. Mortifying.

“Jesus,” he groans. “Look at you.”

“I hope,” she hiccups, flexing her hips to press more fully onto his hand, “you washed your hands before you came here.”

“That’s about all I had a chance to do before you pummelled me with your heartbeat.” His finger dips into her entrance and they both let out a moan, her breath coming out in short pants. “And I can see why. My poor Gracie. So deprived.” He reaches further into her, stroking deeply, hitting a spot that makes her gasp and squirm.

“Yeah,” he grunts, pulling her close to him, his other hand moving soothingly up and down her back. “There it is. Did you have a hard time finding this spot, sweetheart? Those little arms just couldn’t reach?”

“Shut up, I did fine,” she replies testily, her tone contradicted by the way she grinds down on his finger, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her breasts against his bare chest just to feel the hair tickle her nipples.

“See,” he says pragmatically, now stroking in and out wetly, crooking upwards slightly until she arches her back and digs her nails into his shoulders. “That’s how I know you didn’t come yet. You’re so cranky when you don’t come.”

“I’m not—ohh, fuck, yes, there—I’m not—” Another swift intake of breath, released on a moan. “Cranky—Mason, fuck.”

“Yeah, sweetheart, yes, baby, I know, I know.” He continues to stroke, one finger in and out, barely enough and yet somehow too much—when suddenly, he removes his hand completely.

Her eyes fly open on a gasp. “What—”

“Lie back.” She hears him get off the bed and suddenly there’s a click and the room is illuminated in the soft yellow light of her bedside lamp.

She feels exposed and messy, sweaty and sticky and frazzled, self-conscious now that he can see her fully.

On the plus side, she can also see him fully, and is he ever a sight for sore eyes. Tall, imposing, seemingly immense in her space, his skin a glowing umber in the warm light, jeans low on his hips, crystal resting between his broad pectoral muscles.

She’s so distracted by the sight of him that she almost misses the way he’s looking at her. Eyes soft, hungry and fond in equal measure, a notch in his brow that only she can read. It makes her warm in a way that has nothing to do with the temperature of the room.

“Jeans off.” It comes out as a strangled demand, one that he quickly obeys with his telltale smirk.

As soon as the pants come down he’s exposed - never one for boxers or briefs, this guy - and he palms his prominent erection, pressing it into his belly with a growl.

“Here—” She waves him closer to her, desperate now for his body on hers, “come here now.”

He doesn’t make a pithy comment about how demanding she’s being, which serves to prove just how far gone he is, too, and he climbs on top of her, pressing a kiss to her lips before sitting up again and placing his hands on her hips.

With a sharp tug, he pulls her close so her thighs are on either side of him and his cock is pressed up her body, enveloped by her heat and the slickness of her inner lips. He pulls back slightly, holding himself a bit unsteadily, lining up with the liquid give of her entrance.

“Yes,” she hisses, jerking her hips to take him in, thinking about that shaky hand and losing her goddamn mind. 

“Shhh,” he soothes, circling her with the tip, playing and teasing her already swollen clit, her body pulsing with need.

She lets out a groan and he laughs in a soft, trembling huff, before notching himself into her. With a slow push she takes him halfway and they both let out a protracted sound of relief. Lifting her hips, he enters her fully and she tightens her thighs around him, locking her ankles behind his ass.

He thrusts once, twice, the muscles on his arms flexing as he braces them on either side of her, before pulling them back to wrap around her thighs. He nudges her again, a quick jerk of his hips and she whimpers, head back and eyes closed. She’s so close—

“Touch yourself.”

Her eyes snap open and she looks at him, her ardour cooling slightly. “M-me?”

He grins, and it feels like the only tooth that reflects the light is his sharpest one.

“Yeah, baby, you. Just like you were doing before. I want to see you.”

At this point she’s too far gone to be that shy about it, and Mason is not one to incite shyness regardless, so she moves her hand down her body, her fingers resting between her legs, brushing against his cock still halfway inside her. He grunts as she skims the wetness around him and draws it back up to her clit, stroking timidly.

She bites her lip and watches his face as he looks down at her fingers, mesmerized.

“Fuuuck, yes,” he whispers. “Just like that. God, that’s so fucking hot, Gracie. Is this what you were doing while I was gone? Did you touch yourself every night thinking of my cock in you like this? Did you get this wet all over your hand, sweetheart? Wishing it was me?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” it comes out like a chant, a plea, her hips jerking and her hand moving more frenetically now, stroking and missing the spot and finding it again, desperate for the release she’d been denied for so long. “I wanted you here so bad. I wanted you inside me. My hand is nothing compared to yours. Nothing compared to—ah!”

His hips snap against her roughly, hands tightening on her legs as he pulls her into him again and again. She loses her momentum and her own hands fall to the side, clenching the sheets instead.

“I thought of you, too,” he growls into her ear. “Every night. Every morning. Never—” 

He grunts, his pace picking up as his body leans over hers, one hand braced by her head, the other wrapped around her thigh. The bed creaks with their combined efforts, the rough, needy, desperate nature of their coupling. 

“—Never wanted or needed anyone so bad. Missed you, Gracie, missed you so—”

Maybe it’s his words. Maybe it’s the long overdue nature of her climax. Maybe it’s feeling him inside her, over her, for the first time in days and realizing just how different things had felt without him.

Whatever it is—when she tenses, every limb and muscle clenching him to her, her whole body thrumming with imminent completion, she is convinced she sees stars. That’s the only way she can describe the white-out explosion behind her eyes as she comes, and comes, and comes.

She’s dimly aware that he’s climaxed as well, his shout mingling with hers, the sound buried in her hair and her neck, holding her as tightly as she’s gripping him.

It takes minutes, maybe even longer, before she registers that he has his full weight on her and breathing has become difficult. 

She gives him a half-hearted shove and he grunts, before transferring some of his weight over to the mattress. His arm and one leg stay draped over her, coarse hair brushing over smooth skin. She draws her hand over his scalp, raking her fingers through his damp hair, and then leaves it there as he lets out a contented murmur.

“S’fucking cold,” he mumbles after a moment and she realizes that the air conditioning has kicked in at some point. The cool air drifts over their bodies, dropping the sweltering temperature in the room by perhaps a degree or two. 

Shaking her head, affection flooding her, she rubs her hand up and down his back under the guise of getting circulation flowing or whatever the vampiric equivalent might be.

“So you ‘missed’ me, huh,” she teases eventually, still stroking him softly. His head rests on her shoulder and chest, nose prodding under her chin. “Morning and night?”

“Every goddamn hour,” he responds, voice cracking on a wide yawn. She didn’t know vampires yawned.

“That’s a lot of times,” she says, wondering if they’re talking about the same thing.

“Not jerking off every hour, dummy.” He kisses her collarbone. “Just thinking of you. Now roll over and bring that ass here.”

She turns obligingly and he tugs her into his body, tucking her in his arms, pulling her in tightly.

She’s still hot and sticky and she’s sure the combination of what they’ve done calls for a shower or two, but right now she simply can’t bring herself to move.

Just thinking of you.

She smiles softly, linking her fingers with his and bringing his hand up to kiss it.

“I thought of you, too,” she whispers, feeling her eyes get heavy with sleep as she burrows deeper into his embrace.

He snorts against her ear. “Yeah, I saw.”

The response earns him a quick backwards smack on the shoulder, which in turn gets her a sharp tap on the ass, and they both fall asleep with matching smirks on their faces.

Thanks for reading! Please know I read ALL your tags and comments, even if I can’t reply directly to each one, but every single one sends little dopamine zingers into my brain and makes my whole day better, so thank you thank you thank you to everyone who makes the effort to reblog with or without tags or drop a comment or even toss a like. You have no idea what it means to me. ♥️

[heli0s-writes]

Fuckin’ Legit

Pairings: Reader x Bucky Barnes Summary: Follow up to Fuckin’ Teamwork, based off this ask. A/N: More silly shenanigans. Dumbass reader :) 2.1k words

Bag of Tricks Masterlist

Bucky watches from a distance as you hurl through the air and land right heel-first on the training dummy, knocking its head off and making it bounce off the floor with enough force to lodge itself into the ceiling. The room of SHIELD recruits clap and cheer, and when the dummy’s head flops back down you kick it like a hacky-sack at Maria Hill.

“Great demonstration,” Hill catches the head and tucks it under her arm. “Are you interested in teaching a course in hand-to-hand combat with a focus on aerial recovery? Legitimately?”

“Only if you promise not to fall in love with me.” You send a wink at her and then, as soon as you see Bucky’s bewildered face through the other side of the glass, you leap after him. He’s convinced you’re dumber than a bag of rocks, but you’re not deterred by it—especially not after Maria Hill’s validation. Puffing your chest, you skip forward, “Hey, Buck! I’m legit!”

Immediately, you trip and face plant into the nearest surface. The room collectively hisses in discomfort.

“I take that back.” Maria hurriedly ushers the recruits out before they can witness anything else.

Bucky slips through the door and roughly yanks you up by your elbow, wincing when your nose reveals a line of blood dripping into your mouth. “Legit, my ass. Come on. Stark called for us.”

-

The air in the conference room is stagnant and overwrought with a million unsaid—unscreamed—expressions. Tony pivots on his lifted heels, finger jabbing toward the big screen where a dark and grainy image is projected.

“Care to explain this? Friday pulled it from a broadcast coming from the cell.” He narrows his eyes at you as you slump down into the swivel chair until only the top of your head shows. “How about you?” Tony gestures to Bucky.

Tony has a laser pointer in his other hand, and he shines the red spotlight on the picture where Bucky’s knees are bent and planted to the ground. The dot trails over his thigh and then over the smaller frame beneath him.

You’re there, arched upward into his torso, legs hooked around his tapered waist, heels digging into his spine. Four of his thick flesh fingers are shoved inside your mouth, pulling your cheek open, and the dim light catches a sliver of your wet tongue. His other forearm is pushed onto your sternum, holding you down.

It looks bad.

It looks like Bucky is dry humping the daylights out of you in an abandoned Hydra facility.

Sam erupts into a screeching laugh when he finally pieces it together, pitching forward until he’s flattened against the wood table. “Ho-Homygod--- This is the best day of my life. Is this the cyanide incident?”

Bucky is red from head to toe.

Natasha rolls her eyes and slides away from the table. “Tony, she ate two cyanide capsules. Barnes was wrestling them out of her mouth.”

Tony stiffens for a moment as he ponders the truth behind her statement. Then, he quirks his head like an owl, flares his nostrils, and stoops beneath the table to find you resembling a boneless pile of flesh.

“Everyone is dismissed.” He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation. “I wish I could fire you.”

A quiet whimper escapes your lips, the most pathetic noise to ever come from a human being. “But…” You whine pathetically, “I’m legit.”

-

A few nights later, you find yourself sneaking through yet another dusty old hideout. Surprise, surprise, Hydra is bad with maintenance and loves asbestos.

Steve made you an outline of all your tasks on his mission, written in all caps, folded neatly, and shoved it into your back pocket before departure. You skimmed over it on the plane before crumbling it up. The first bullet point had glared: NO CANDY.

Tightass.

You easily clear the wing and dispatch your status to Sam who is waiting patiently in the jet, fingers on the console. Bucky is patrolling the perimeter and you are taking the east side while Redwing zooms through the west.

There have been trip wires (newbie shit) and also surprisingly advanced attempts at entrapment so far (motion sensors, temperature regulated alarms). They’ve all been expertly pulled apart and rewired and you are taking a short break fucking around in the hallway, peering at dusty paintings of – some old dead bald guys. You take a picture of one and send it to Tony, labelled it’s like looking into the future.

Chortling, you continue down the corridor aimlessly until you hear a creak.

The knife in your hand is blade-first and coming down hard on the body sneaking up until— “Oh Barnes!” You cry happily, tucking it back into the strap on your wrist. “Good. You’re here! There’s only one more room—I’ve been crushing it.”

Literally two seconds after you say that, you turn the corner and run face-first into the door. Bucky pauses as if he doesn’t quite register what just happened before slowly reaching forward and gently applying pressure to the handle.

It’s written all over his face: you’re an idiot. You are seriously lacking some brain cells.

He leads the way carefully, swatting cobwebs hanging from the ceiling and taking stock of each corner, rifle pointed forward and alert. Behind him, your boots thump noisily against the floor and a chair is tipped over when your arm crashes into it.

Bucky spins on his heels and catches the chair before it can fall on top of what looks like a very obviously placed … box.

It’s a box.

A giant red box is on the floor, outlined with a square of white tape. Two abnormally unsoiled items in a room made almost entirely out of forty-year old dandruff. Your hands are already on both sides of it before Bucky can knock you out of the way.

“Don’t!” He screams because fucking anything could be under there!

A wild animal! A toxic chemical! A bomb! Snakes, for fuck’s sake! His eyes widen at the fading shadow cast on the floor as you lift the top away. Then, his heart stops beating.

It’s a slice of cake. And a cup of tea. A single slice of vanilla sheet cake neatly decorated with a blush-pink rose and two perfectly piped green leaves. The faint smell of jasmine wafts into the air.

Bucky barrels into you before you get the chance to lick your lips.

“Wilson!” He calls into the comm as you push his face away with an offended yelp, “They’re in the east side—set a trap for us! Get over here and bring your stupid bird too! I swear to God—NO! DO NOT!”

 -

In the hovering Quinjet, Sam Wilson leaps to his feet and swoops out of the cabin, wings folded as he dives. “Come again?!” He taps on the comm wedged inside his left ear, “Barnes!?”

“-- fuck-- gonna—fucking--- stop BITING ME!”

A furious row of explosions blare in Sam’s ear as he banks a sharp left and lands on two feet, tearing his way inside the facility, checking on his wrist all the while. Redwing’s camera is glitching, but he can make out flashes of gunfire and what looks like at least five bodies, not including his two teammates. Bursts of white erupt on the screen and Sam’s heart picks up a tremendous pace before he kicks the door down, pistols out and aimed.

A silence smothers the room before grunting and screaming erupts again over Sam’s shout of, “What is going on in here?!”

-

“And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the exact moment I came upon my fellow Avengers,” Sam pauses, waving his hand with a bow at the image projected on the conference room screen.

Friday pulled another image from the broadcast before Sam shot out all the cameras in the facility.

It seems that the previous video of you eating cyanide had been intercepted through a bounced signal from the original recording’s output and those on the other end decided you were enough of a proper imbecile to be tricked by something as simple as a slice of cake.

They weren’t wrong.

Tony’s laser is in Sam’s hand and he points the dot in flashes five times, “Dead dudes. Check.” The dot moves on, landing on two splayed out legs before it runs up the side of Bucky’s body pressed to the concrete. “Barnes. Check.” Bucky shuts his eyes and slams his head into the table. “And… here we have this.”

Sam points to you, bottom lip clenched tightly between your teeth as you lurch forward, one hand outstretched and smeared with frosting while the other holds your torso barely an inch from the ground, paying no mind to the two elbows digging into your stomach. Sam points again to where your crotch is pushed right into Bucky’s face.

“Jesus Christ.” Steve mutters, flushing red, “I wrote you directions for a reason…”  

“Excuse me,” You huff, “Cake is not candy.”

“Really?!” Bucky snaps, “That’s the hill you’re going to die on!? You ran into the door! You knocked over a chair! You looked at the one thing that did not belong in the room and you picked it up even after I told you not to!”

Steve jumps back into the grilling, “And if you would have read the rest of the list—NO FOOD AT ALL was number two!”

“Oh yeah!?” You’re near hysterical now, shrieking at the top of your lungs. Stupid men ganging up on you. “What was number three? No fun!? I’m Captain America and I’m such a tightass--”

Bucky cuts you off, throwing his hands up into the air, “Number three was get the blueprints!”

“Oh.”

The room falls silent as you tuck your hand into the pocket of your pants. “Why didn’t you just say so? I nabbed ‘em as soon as I got in there. Marked off the locations of all the cameras and security alarms—not like that matters since Wilson shot them and I disarmed the rest in the east wing. Also, there were corridors and secret entryways not in the file. It’s on here now.”

Carelessly, you chuck the flash drive from your pocket at Steve and it smacks him in the chest. Sam crosses his arms and cocks his head at you, “Shit. Didn’t know you were all that.”

You frolic to the door, “See ya later!”

Three men watch on in shocked silence as you prance down the hallway, banking a sharp right towards your room. Steve stares from Sam to Bucky and then to the flash drive in his hand.

Sam clucks, “You know what… All things considered… the girl is legit.”

-

He calls your name, bangs on the door with a hard fist and when it cracks open, you peek your head out with tired eyes. “Sup, buttercup?”

“Why are you like this? The cyanide? The cake? You had the flash drive the whole time!”

You shrug off what sounds like an accusation, “I dunno. I’m good at my job.” Bucky crosses his arms. “Barnes!” You scold with a growing grin, “I’m legit! I just… you know. Why put all the pressure on myself when you’re around?”

You snort a little, scratch your tummy underneath an oversized shirt absently, and shrug your shoulders repeatedly like you’re dancing. Bucky narrows his eyes. “Are you telling me you’re an idiot because of me?”

“Yeah, Buck. I know you’ll take care of me.”

He freezes. Feels a sudden swell of heat rush from his chest to the top of his head. Bucky opens his mouth to retort, but nothing comes out. He closes it. You give him a sleepy grin, leaning on the door and swinging it wide, faltering against the knob with a yelp.

Swiftly, and true to his character, Bucky catches you with one arm.

Hanging from his hold, body twisted around, you look up into his blue eyes. They’re strangely tender, dancing over your face with an inquisitive glimmer.

The moment shatters when Bucky’s gaze stops at your neckline. “Is that—" he frowns, “Is your shirt on backwards?”

You nod. “Uh huh. Inside out too.”

His eyes slip shut. With a sigh, he drops you flat on your back and turns around. “You’re an idiot. I hate you.”

Down the hallway as he stomps off, cursing the moment the thought you were cute or something… he hears your voice calling.

“I’m an idiot— but I’m legit, right? And I’m your idiot, right? Bucky? Bucky!”

Bucky holds back a grin. Flicks you off behind his back. Legit or not, he would never give you the satisfaction of knowing.

-

perm taglist @whothehellisbucky​ @serpentbaby​ @badassbaker​ @alagalaska​ @cake-writes​ @crist1216​ @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​ @infinity-saga​ @jamesbarnesthighs​ @pinknerdpanda​ @xoxabs88xox​ @imsoft-barnes​ @momc95​ @typicalangel​ @wretchedgoddess​ @readeity​ @iwannasail​

[jgthirlwell]

2020 Year In Review

This year once again I invited some friends and colleagues to reflect on 2020

JG Thirlwell

Composer

Foetus Xordox Manorexia Steroid Maximus Venture Bros Archer

www.foetus.org

2020 was a troubling and disturbing year. I created a lot of music and experienced a lot of nights waking at 5am in a panic. I deeply missed the sacred experience of being able to see live music. In its absence of that I listened to a lot of music. It was difficult to whittle down this list but here are a lot of albums I enjoyed in 2020, in no particular order.

Le Grand Sbam Furvent (Dur Et Doux) John Elmquist’s HardArt Group I Own an Ion (900 Nurses) Roly Porter Kistvaen (Subtext) Liturgy Origin Of The Alimonies (YLYLCYN) Clark Kiri Variations (Throttle) Dai Kaht Dai Kaht I & II (Soleil Zeuhl) Chromb Le livre des merveilles (Dur Et Doux) Horse Lords The Common Task (Northern Spy) Ecker & Meultzer Carbon (Subtext) Insane Warrior Tendrils (RJ’s Electrical Connections) Jeff Parker Suite For Max Brown (International Anthem) Jacob Kirkegaard Opus Mors (Topos) Tristan Perich Drift Multiply (Nonesuch) Bec Plexus Sticklip (New Amsterdam) Vak Budo (Soleil Zeuhl) Merlin Nova BOO! (Bandcamp) The The Muscle OST (Cineola) Zombi 2020 (Relapse) Regis Hidden In This Is The Light That You Miss (Downwards) Rival Consoles Articulation (Erased Tapes) Sarah Davachi Cantus, Descant (L.A.T.E.) Sufjan Stevens The Ascension (Asthmatic Kitty) Idles Ultra Mono (Partisan) Daedelus The Bittereindeers (Brainfeeder) Boris No (Bandcamp) Aksak Maboul Figures / Un peu de l’ame des bandits / Onze Danses Pour Cobattre La Migraine (Crammed) Noveller Arrow (Ba Da Bing) Felicia Atkinson Everything Evaporate (Shelter Press) Ital Tek Dream Boundary (Planet Mu) Author and Punisher Beastland (Relapse) Sparks A Steady Drip Drip Drip (BMG) Corima Amatarasu (Soleil Zeuhl) Code Orange Underneath (Roadrunner) Deerhoof Future Teenage Cave Artists /Silly Symphonies / To Be Surrounded../ Love Lore(Joyful Noise) Sote Moscels (Opal Tapes) Run The Jewels RTJ4 (Jewel Runners) Oranssi Pazuzu Mestarin Kynsi (Nuclear Blast) Master Boot Record Floppy Disk Overdrive (Metal Blade) Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith The Mosaic Of Transformation (Ghostly International) / Ears (Western Vinyl) Michael Gordon Acquanetta (Cantelope) Neom Arkana Temporis (Soleil Zeuhl) Rian Treanor Ataxia / File Under UK Metaplasm (Planet Mu) Helm Saturnalia (Alter) Ivvvo doG (Halcyon Veil) Robert Normandeau Figures (Empreintes Digitales) Ben Vida Reducing The Tempo To Zero (Shelter Press) Beatrice Dillon Workaround (Pan) Dan Deacon Mystic Familiar (Domino) Sea Oleena Weaving A Basket (Higher Plain Music) Elysian Fields Transience Of Life (Ojet) Rhapsody Symphony Of Enchanted Lands II - The Dark Secret (Magic Circle) Duma Duma (Nyege Nyege) Ulla Strauss Tumbling Towards a Wall / Seed (Bandcamp)

Honorable mentions Carl Stone Stolen Car (Unseen Worlds)  Nazar Guerilla (Hyperdub) Iwo Zaluski with the Children of Park Lane Primary School, Wembley The Remarkable Earth Making Machine (Trunk) Nahash Flowers Of The Revolution (SVBKVLT) Cindy Lee Whats Tonight To Eternity (Bandcamp) Insect Ark The Vanishing (Profound Lore) 33EMYBW Arthropods (SVBKVLT) Declan McKenna Zeroes (Tomplicated) Layma Azur Zeii (Bandcamp)

FILM TV Succession ZeroZeroZero Escape at Dannemora 1917 Small Axe : Five films by Steve McQueen Pirhanas Monos The Hater Better Call Saul

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Drew Daniel

Matmos, The Soft Pink Truth

an alphabet of 2020 recordings

Arca “KiCk i” BFTT “Intrusive / Obtrusive” clipping. “Visions of Bodies Being Burned” Duma “Duma” Eilbacher, Max “Metabolist Meter (Foster, Cottin, Caetani and a Fly)” Forbidden Colors “La Yeguada” GILA “Energy Demonstration” HiedraH Club de Baile “Bichote-K Bailable Vol. 2” Ian Power “Maintenance Hums” Jeff Carey “Index[off]” Kassel Jaeger “Meith” Laurie Anderson “Songs From the Bardo” Mukqs “Water Levels” Negativland “The World Will Decide” O’Rourke, Jim “Shutting Down Here” Perlesvaus “These Things Below with Those Above” Quicksails “Blue Rise” Rian Treanor “File Under UK Metaplasm” Slikback “///” Terminal Nation “Holocene Extinction” Ulcerate “Stare Into Death and Be Still” Various Artists “HAUS of ALTR” William Tyler “New Vanitas” Xyla “Ways” Y A S H A “Summations” :zoviet-france: “Châsse 2ᵉ”

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Sarah Lipstate  (Noveller)

With all live performances canceled, this was truly the year of demo videos and home studio recording for me. These are 10 pieces of gear that came out in 2020 that helped keep me feeling creative and inspired during lockdown. In no particular order:

EHX Oceans 12 Dual Stereo Reverb - The Oceans 12 ticks all the boxes for what I’m looking for in a great soundscaping reverb. I used the Shimmer and Reverse algorithms in conjunction a lot when I was composing music for a film score.

Chase Bliss Audio Blooper - While I don’t actually own a Blooper, I had the pleasure of borrowing one from Mike of Baranik Guitars after NAMM this year. He made an incredible Blooper-inspired guitar and I was completely charmed by them both. Chase Bliss always delivers pedals that push me creatively and the Blooper truly hits the mark.

Cooper FX Arcades - I love everything Cooper FX has released to-date so the opportunity to access those sounds in one pedal via plug-in cartridges is just awesome.

SolidGoldFX NU-33 - I was asked to do a demo of this pedal for its release and ended up being really charmed by this box’s approach to lo-fi nostalgia. I’ve used it a lot for film scoring and highly recommend adding it to your collection.

Demedash Effects T-120 DLX V2 - I LOVE a good tape echo and the T-120 Deluxe V2 ranks up there with the best I’ve tried. This pedal made its way to me this Christmas and I look forward to making some beautiful sounds with it in the new year.

Hologram Electronics Microcosm - The Microcosm is one of those pedals where you should fully read the manual before diving in but once you put in that initial effort you’ve got a massively powerful tool on your hands. It does glitch like no other. Definitely worth the homework

Azzam Bells MP019 - I discovered this unique instrument through a post on Reverb’s IG page and immediately looked it up and ordered one. These experimental percussion instruments are hand-made in Italy and they’re as beautiful visually as they are sonically. I used it for bowed cymbal and daxophone sounds on a film score and it was absolutely haunting.

Echopark Dual Harmonic Boost 2 - I love the control you have over dialing in the perfect amount of grit with these dual boost circuits. I use it a lot as a textural tool when I’m laying down drones or bringing in big distorted swells. It’s one of the most versatile overdrives in my collection and I love that.

Fender Parallel Universe Series Volume II Maverick Dorado - I was smitten with the Maverick Dorado when I first saw it at NAMM. It has a lot of the specs that I look for in a guitar and the body shape with the Mystic Pine finish just blew me away. I hope that I get to use it live soon.

Polyeffects Beebo - The Beebo is one of those pedals that I genuinely feel is smarter than I am. It’s like an entire computer in one small touchscreen box. I can’t claim to have mastered using it yet but the sounds that I have managed to get out of it so far have been brilliant. I’m looking forward to spending more time with this box in 2021

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HELM 2020 REVIEW

Let's get the bad stuff out the way first, 2020 was undoubtedly an awful year. I'm still not sure how to really respond to seeing a global pandemic bring the capital to its knees and everything I love and hold dear to a grinding halt. Our government fucked it's response, putting profit before people and killing tens of thousands. The Labour Party descended into farce with the newly elected leader Sir Keith revealing himself as a bland centrist with no opposition or ideas. On a personal level it sucked not being able to travel or see my friends in different parts of the world - or even the same country - who I am starting to miss a lot. However, I was fortunate enough to get through the year with my sanity intact. Music, art and culture once again being my main positive. I think I listened to more music than I have in any year ever. I read more books than I have done since I was a teenager probably. I also re-discovered the joys of walking long distances and am extremely thankful for living near a lot of incredible green spaces: Epping Forest, Walthamstow Wetlands, Walthamstow Marshes, Wanstead Park, Wanstead Flats...

Music. My favourite albums of the year.

Oranssi Pazuzu - Mestarin kynsi Wetware - Flail Raspberry Bulbs - Before The Age Of Mirrors Necrot - Mortal Rope Sect - The Great Flood Private World - Aleph Oneohtrix Point Never - Magic Oneohtrix Point Never Pyrrhon - Abcess Time CS+Kreme - Snoopy Speaker Music - Black Nationalist Sonic Weaponry Drew McDowall - Agalma Regis - Hidden In This Is The Light That You Miss Nazar - Guerilla Zoviet France - Russian Heterodoxical Songs (and all the ZF reissues!!) Triple Negative - God Bless the Death Drive Permission - Organised People Suffer Actress - Karma & Desire Acolytes - Stress II The Gerogerigegege - >(decrescendo) Chubby & The Gang - Speed Kills Flora Yin-Wong - Holy Palm Eiko Ishibashi - Hyakki Yagyo The The - See Without Being Seen Prurient - Casablanca Flamethrower Henning Christiansen - L’essere Umano Errabando La Voce Errabando Subdued - Over The Hills And Far Away Rian Treanor - File Under UK Metaplasm Komare - The Sense Of Hearing Shredded Nerve - Acts Of Betrayal Jesu - Terminus Autechre - SIGN Hey Colossus - Dances / Curses Sparkle Division - To Feel Embraced Mark Harwood - A Perfect Punctual Paradise Under My Own Name Still House Plants - Fast Edit The Bug & Dis Fig - In Blue Kommand - Terrorscape Haus Arafna - Asche Khthoniik Cerviiks - Æequiizoiikum Worm - Gloomlord Kraus - A Golden Brain Faceless Burial - Speciation

A shout-out to Jon Abby's AMPLIFY series on Bandcamp / Facebook, which I contributed a new piece of music to.

A shout out to the labels where most of the music I listened to seemed to come from:

The Trilogy Tapes Iron Bonehead Penultimate Press Dais La Vida Es Un Mus

Gigs. Despite live music being destroyed in 2020 I still saw a few unforgettable performances at the beginning of the year.

Graham Lambkin @ The ICA, London Puce Mary / JFK @ The Glove That Fits, London Demilich @ Finnfest, The Garage, London Container / PC World / National Unrest @ Venue MOT, London S.H.I.T / Asid / Chubby & The Gang @ Static Shock Festival, ExFed, London

Books I enjoyed. Most not published this year, but all read in 2020.

Joe Kennedy - Authentocrats David Balzer - Curationism Tom Mills - BBC: The Myth Of A Public Service Simon Morris - Consumer Guide: Special Edition Luke Turner - Out Of The Woods Various - Bad News For Labour Mike Wendling - Alt-Right Baited Area issues 1 & 2.

Film. Three good films I saw this year which I hadn't before.

Suspiria (Remake) Midsommar Cannibal Holocaust

Podcasts. I listened to a lot of these whilst walking.

We Don't Talk About The Weather Novara Media Tysky Sour & Novara FM Grounded with Louis Theroux System of Systems Red Scare loveline episodes Suite 212 NOISEXTRA Social Discipline CONTAIN

TV.

Didn't watch a huge amount and what I did was mostly trash. For some reason I rewatched both series' of This Life, a British drama from the late 90's about a group of young professionals house sharing and navigating their careers. Very cringey and has aged terribly, but it was perversely fascinating to revisit something from that time in the age of the pandemic. Following on from this I binge watched the entire series of Industry which was entertaining enough. A programme about a bunch of horny bankers with what felt like a confused ideology behind it. It seemed stuck between trying to criticise and glorify the culture around the industry, but also protect the industry itself from outside criticism by portraying anyone who may oppose as an insufferable wanker. Currently halfway through Succession which is OK. The Murdoch documentaries on the BBC were excellent and a rare respite from their descent into client journalism.

Thanks to anyone who listened to my music this year also. Best wishes to you all for 2021.

Luke Younger

http://hhelmm.com | http://alter.bandcamp.com

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Elliott Sharp

composer

1. My Nr. 1 lesson: patience. Whether it's bouncing through 30 seconds of severe turbulence at 39000 feet or slogging through 30 minutes of a interminable piece of concert music, one attribute I've tried to develop is the ability to see past the discrete and awaited ending, the exact framing of the immediate process, but put it into the context of a larger time frame. I've found that this year more than all others has demanded it. Breathing helps...

2. Books: revisiting old favorites from the realm of Thomas Pynchon and Philip K. Dick (both especially relevant), digging into John Lomax's portrait of Jelly Roll Morton, the works of Colson Whitehead, random things off of the shelf…

3. Composing: with touring off the table, I focused on that which needed to be written, some requested and commissioned, some spontaneously springing forth. Composing requires that one open the windows wide to the world, which at this moment brought in grief, terror, uncertainty, anxiety, visions of plague and pestilence and incipient fascism. Okay, now shut the window and get to work! How to process, translate, transform? The work can be a comfortable and obsessive cocoon once one learns to handle the radioactive materials and put them into the creativity reactor.

4. Beans! We have long been a fan in our house of the wide world of legumes but this year brought two stars to the front: the black bean and the red lentil. The black bean commands the lofty peaks but the seemingly infinite variations of dal surround it. Ginger, garlic, turmeric, smoked paprika, cayenne, onions, and olive oil form the basis then imagination builds.

5. Online teaching substituted for my canceled conduction of workshops in the Pyrenees Mountains of France. Between the participants and myself, we built a temporary but very congenial space online to share concepts and music. In addition, private lessons brought conversation and music with new friends in Germany, Italy, California, Australia, Illinois, Denmark, Pennsylvania, Spain, Florida, Brazil.

6. What started out as "stress baking" (before I even had heard of the term) soon became a frequent practice that yielded very edible results. The twins preferred the sweeter forays into banana bread and chocolate cake. I tried to find a balance between tried-and-true techniques and experiments in texture and taste with yeasted pumpernickels, multi-grains, and seed breads.

7. While not the same as performing 'live ', online gigs proved that it was possible to generate a surprising amount of adrenaline even without the pheromonal handshaking of a room filled with receptive ears. As a corollary, online recording collaborations with friends worldwide proved to be inspiring and a suitable substrate for sonic experimentation, exploration of new instruments, tunings, effects programming, structures. In these realms, shout-outs to Helene Breschand, Mike Cooper, Henry Kaiser, Tracie Morris, Mikel Banks, Dougie Bowne, Payton McDonald, Billy Martin, Colin Stetson, Jim O'Rourke, Scott Amendola, Roberto Zorzi, Jason Hoopes, Eric Mingus, Melanie Dyer, Dave Hofstra, Don McKenzie, Sergio Sorrentino, Veniero Rizzardi, Taylor Ho Bynum, Scott Fields, Bachir Attar, Karl Bruckmaier, Robbie Lee, Matthew Evan Taylor, Matteo Liberatore, Al Kaatz, David Barratt, Jessica Hallock, Kolin Zeinikov, Robbie Lee, Jeremy Nesse, James Ilgenfritz, Sergio Armaroli, Steve Piccolo, Sandy Ewen, David Weinstein, Jim Whittemore, Chris Vine, Werner Puntigam, William Schimmel.

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Daniel O’Sullivan

(Grumbling Fur, Guapo, Miasma & the Carousel of Headless Horses, Ulver, Sunn O))), Æthenor, Laniakea, Miracle, Mothlite, and This Is Not This Heat.)

Music Richard Youngs - Ein Klein Nein Alabaster DePlume - Instrumentals Hildegard von Bingen - O Nobilissima Viriditas Francisco de Penalosa - Missa Ave Maria Peregrina Carlo Gesualdo - Responsoria 1611 Dirty Projectors - Five EPs Sonic Boom - All Things Being Equal Brother Peter Broderick - Blackberry Richard Horowitz - Eros Of Arabia Duncan Trussell Family Hour Cocteau Twins in the bath

Books/comics Alexander Tucker - Entity Reunion II Derek Jarman - Chroma Stephen Harrod Buhner - Plant Intelligence and the Imaginal Realm The Penguin Book Of Irish Poetry - edited by Patrick Crotty The Gospel Of Ramakrishna - translated by Swami Nikhilananda Lucretius - De Rerum Natura Plotinus - Enneads Ram Dass - Grist For The Mill Lisa Brown - Phantom Twin

Other Fasting / meditation / macrodosing Walks in freshly coppiced woodland (for the smell mainly). Plants / Foraging / Growing Traditional ferments Douglas Sirk movies Mandolorian Writing songs on the piano Rediscovery of Kenneth Graham via my kids

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Karl O’Connor (Regis)

01.Wolfgang Press - Unremembered, Remembered 02. Klara Lewis - Ingrid Live at Fylkingen 03. Jesu - Terminus 04. Dave Ball - Leeds Poly Demos 1979 05. Edwin Pouncey - Rated Sav X (the Savage Pencil Skratchbook) 06. The Bug - In Blue 07. New Order - Power,Corruption and Lies ( Writing Sessions  ) 08. JG Thirlwell and Simon Steensland - Oscillospira 09. FM Einheit and Andreas Ammer - Hammerschlag 10. Thurston Moore - By The Fire 11. Body Stuff - Body Stuff 3 12. Ann M Hogan - Honeysuckle Burials 13. Rob Halford - Confess (Autobiography)

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Caleb Braaten (Sacred Bones Records)

Shirley Collins Hearts Ease Dehd Flowers Of Devotion Duma Duma Bob Dylan Rough and Rowdy Ways Green-House Six Songs for Invisible Gardens John Jeffery Passage Drew McDowall Agalma Sweeping Promises Hunger For a Way Out Colter Wall Western Swing & Waltzes and Other Punchy Songs Woods Strange to Explain

My Favorite 90’s Nostalgia Movie Rewatches

Colors Ghost Dog Menace II Society The Player Rounders Safe Starship Troopers Trees Lounge Vampires Waiting For Guffman

Most Culturally Bankrupt Year : 1997

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Charlie Looker

(composer, Psalm Zero, Extra Life, Seaven Teares)

Ten Things That Didn’t Happen in 2020

1.  I didn’t write a ton of new music. Don’t get me wrong, I wrote some. I always do. But mostly I focused on my new YouTube channel, essays, and on getting old recordings released. I haven’t even been working a day-job so I thought I was going to write my next Ring Cycle, but I really didn’t find Covid inspiring.

2.  Trump wasn’t re-elected. Cool.

3. I didn’t lose anyone to Covid. I am, of course, profoundly grateful for this. But I feel pretty embarrassed remembering group-texting ten friends in March, “We are all going to see a loved one die. Every single one of us. Don’t kid yourselves”. I can get hysterical, and that was somewhat irresponsible of me.

4.  No revolution happened. I don’t mean to be smug or cynical, or to belittle anyone’s participation in the protests. But, as far as I can tell, nothing happened in 2020 that promises to reduce police brutality or human suffering of any kind. We’ll see. That burning Minneapolis police station was exciting to watch at the time, if only on an aesthetic level.

5.  I have a stack of unread books I bought this year, just staring at me, with nary a crease among them. These include:

Adorno and Horkheimer, The Dialectic of Enlightenment (looks amazing, but I haven’t touched it) Marx, Grundrisse (it’s 1000 pages for fuck’s sake. Amazon also accidentally sent me two copies, and its double presence in the stack is just comical) Reza Negarestani, Intelligence and Spirit (the first 15 pages blew my mind, then my mind blew it off)

6.  I didn’t settle into living in LA. I moved here six months before Covid and I was just starting to cultivate some friendships and play shows. This was quashed and I still feel like I still live in New York. I still barely know the layout of the city here.

7.  No brand-new buzzy musical artists burst onto the scene, that I can recall. No new hyped micro-genre of the moment. There was just no way for there to be a hot new trend. I’d say that was refreshing, but it wasn’t.

8.  Tyson’s return was not awesome. Two minute rounds, ended in a draw. I’ve been getting way into boxing this past year. This fight was a bummer. I’m looking forward to Mayweather vs Logan Paul (LOL) because we know it’s comedy ahead of time.

9.  For three weeks in July, I didn’t do a single thing other than watch street fight compilations on YouTube and Worldstar. That’s just grim.

10.  There were no school shootings in March. Apparently, this was the first March with no school shootings since 2002. Not a single 7th grader got a hand job in March either. I cannot begin to imagine what it’s like to be a kid now.

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Chuck Bettis

https://chuckbettis.com

Other People's Music released this year:

Coil "Musick to Play in the Dark" (Dais)

Duma "s/t" (Nyege Nyege Tapes) Twig Harper "External Boundless Prison/ in 4 parts EP" (self-release) I.P.Y. (Ikue Mori, Phew, YoshimiO) "I.P.Y." (Tzadik) Kill Alters "A2B2 Live Stream 11/13/2020" (self-release) Krallice "Mass Cathexis" (self-release) Lust$ickPuppy "Cosmic Brownie" (self-release) Doug McKechnie "San Francisco Moog: 1968-72" (VG+ Records) Merlin Nova "Boo!" (self-release) Omrb "Milandthriust, The Graths of Mersh" (self-release) Akio Suzuki & Aki Onda "gi n ga" (self-release) Yoth Iria "Under His Sway" (Repulsive Echo) Wetware "Flail" (Dais)

My own music released this year:

collaborations

Chatter Blip "Microcosmopolitan" (Contour Editions) Matmos "The Consuming Flame: Open Exercises in Group Form" (Thrill Jockey) Reverse Bullets  "Dreampop Dsyphoria" (self-release) Snake Union "live at Roulette" (self-release) Snake Union w/ Hisham Bharoocha, Bonnie Jones, Heejin Jang, Matthew Regula "Three Arrows" (Rat Route) Thomas Dimuzio "Balance" (Gench Music) YoshimiO & Chuck Bettis  "Live at the Stone" (Living Myth)

solo Chuck Bettis "Arc of Enlghtenment"  (Living Myth) Chuck Bettis "Motion Parallax"  (Living Myth)

compilation Various Artist "Polished Turds Vol.1" (Granpa)

Music Books read this year

"Intermediary Spaces" by Eliane Radigue/Julia Eckhardt (Umland) "Ennio Morricone In His Own Words" by Ennio Morricone/Alessandro De Rosa (Oxford University Press) "Free Jazz In Japan: A Personal History" by Soejima Teruto (Public Bath Press) "Rumors of Noizu: Hijokaidan and the Road to 2nd Damascus" by Kato David Hopkins (Public Bath Press)

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Maya Hardinge

(musician / artist)

list of things i liked this year

first ever solo road trip through new mexico and Texas right before lockdown experiencing manhattan with no cars on the road . having a car to escape in to nature. (which i craved so much) walks and bike rides with friends… FRIENDS! The web site ‘workaway’ that helped me feel that there were options for escape. playing games weekly on zoom during lock down teaching yoga weekly on zoom. Witnessing and being part of the BLM protests. witnessing and being part of the demise of T sitting on my couch at 6am drinking a cup of tea, appreciating my apt. making time to meditate. halloween without tourists .

some music I’ve bought and/or enjoyed this year Elvis Perkins-Black Coat Daughter Patricia Kokett -Soi soi Henning Christiansen - OP201 Bryce Hackford- Safe Svitlana Nianio and Oleksander - Snayesh yak? rozkazhy Brannten schnure - Sommer im Pfirsichhain Killing Joke - Nighttime David Shea - Tower of mirrors Shakey - Shakey Woodford halse tapes Coil - Musick to play in the dark

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BJ Nilsen

sound artist / composer

Work 2020

Despite Covid 19 lots of things actually did happen.

In Feburary I visited the only active nuclear plant in The Nederlands as part of my "Expanded Field Recording” project together with SML. In March revisited the Acousmonium at the Elevate Festival in Graz with an additional trip deep inside the Schlossberg recording old mining trains. In March and April I did two daily recording projects “Pending and Auditory Scenes” - both of Amsterdam during lockdown. In May did my first Zoom field recording workshop with the CAMP project. In June & July  two research trips in Waldviertel, Austria with Franz Pomassl. In August recorded bells and organs in 10 different churches around Amsterdam for Jacob Lekkerkerker. In September recorded Kali Malone at the Orgelpark in Amsterdam. Performed at Heart of Noise Festival in Innsbruck and A4 in Bratislava. Also went ice-skating for first time in 20? Years. In November and December I travelled to Jeju island to record field recordings for a project by Femke Herregraven for the Gwangju Biennale, commissioned for 2021. Did lots of gardening, released two tapes “Call it Philips, Eindoven” and “Zomer 2020” with Sigtryggur Berg Sigmarsson. NOW! Looking forward to 2021.

http://bjnilsen.info https://soundcloud.com/bjnilsen/sets/auditory-scenes-amsterdam

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Vicki Bennett

(People Like Us)

Negativland - True False https://negativland.com/products/truefalse-cd (this came out last year but is so THIS year) Bob Dylan - Rough and Rowdy Ways https://www.bobdylan.com/albums/rough-and-rowdy-ways/ The Soft Pink Truth - We from Shall We Go On Sinning So That Grace May Increase https://thesoftpinktruth.bandcamp.com/album/shall-we-go-on-sinning-so-that-grace-may-increase Carl Stone - Stolen Car https://unseenworlds.bandcamp.com/album/stolen-car Porest - Sedimental Gurney https://porest.bandcamp.com/album/sedimental-gurney Matmos - The Consuming Flame: Open Exercises in Group Form https://matmos.bandcamp.com/album/the-consuming-flame-open-exercises-in-group-form Domenique Dumont - Miniatures De Auto Rhythm https://antinoterecordings.bandcamp.com/album/atn044-domenique-dumont-miniatures-de-auto-rhythm The The - See Without Being Seen https://www.thethe.com/product/see-without-being-seen-cd/ Ciggy de la Noche - Hold Tight HMRC https://soundcloud.com/ciggydelanoche/hold-tight-hmrc Neil Cicierega - Mouth Dreams http://www.neilcic.com/mouthdreams/

and my details: http://peoplelikeus.org/ https://peoplelikeus-vickibennett.bandcamp.com/ pic: http://peoplelikeus.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Welcome-Abroad-promo3-2-scaled.jpg

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DJ Food

Music - Type 303 - Sticky Disco / Analogue Acidbath 7" (45 Live) The British Space Group - The Ley of the Land CD (Wyrd Britain) Squarepusher - Be Up A Hello LP / Warp 10 NTS mix (Warp) dgoHn - Undesignated Proximate (Modern Love) LF58 - Alterazione LP (Astral Industries) Robert Fripp - Music For Quiet Moments series (DGM) Run The Jewels - RTJ4 (BMG) Simf Onyx - Magenta Skyline / The Unresolved 7" (Delights) Luke Vibert - Modern Rave LP (Hypercolour) JG Thirlwell & Simon Steensland - Oscillospira (Ipecac) Aural Design - Looking & Seeing 7" / DL (Russian Library) Luke Vibert - Rave Hop (Hypercolour) Clipping. with Christopher Fleeger - Double Live (Sub Pop) APAT - Terry Riley's 'In C' performed on Modular Synthesizer (YouTube) Field Lines Cartographer - The Spectral Isle LP (Castles In Space) Jane Weaver - The Revolution of Super Visions single (Fire Records) King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - K.G. LP (Flightless) Humanoid - Hed-Set - forthcoming on (De:tuned)

Film / TV - Inside No.9 (BBC) What We Do In The Shadows Season 2 (Netflix) Tales From The Loop (Amazon) Keith Haring - Street Art Boy (BBC) John Was Trying To Contact Aliens (Netflix) The Social Dilemma (Netflix) The Mandalorian (Season 2) (Disney+) Long Hot Summers - The Style Council documentary (Sky Arts) Zappa (Alex Winter)

Books / Comics / Magazines Confessions of a Bookseller - Shaun Bythell (Profile books) The Often Wrong - Farel Dalrymple (Image Comics) Edwin Pouncey - Rated SavX (Strange Attractor Press) Jeffrey Lewis - Fuff (all issues - really late to the party on this one) Rian Hughes - XX - A Novel, Graphic (Picador) Cosey Fanni Tutti - Art, Sex, Music (Faber) Caza - Kris Kool (Passenger Press) Dan Lish - Egostrip Vol.1 Electronic Sound magazine Decorum - Jonathan Hickman & Mike Huddleston (Image) John Higgs - Stranger Than We Can Imagine Simon Halfon - Cover To Cover (Nemperor)

Very few exhibitions or shows this year for obvious reasons

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[musinglymuse]

This recommendation list focuses on a popular pairing in Check Please! They bicker, they argue, they fight, they smo-- well, no smooching in canon but that’s what fanfiction is for! Nursey and Dex often embody the ‘enemies to friends to lovers’ trope, sparking constant speculation and hundreds of fanfiction.

I’ve compiled some of what I consider excellent fanfics that feature this couple although it does not contain all of my recommendations. They are in no particular order. I plan on creating more recommendation lists down the line, especially for other pairings in this fandom. You can find other fic recs tagged in my blog.

As a reminder, please make sure to check the tags and any warnings before reading. Take care of yourself!

got those wayfarers on by somehowunbroken Canon Divergence // ~8k // PG-13

It's all Bitty's fault. Indirectly. That's his story, and Chowder's sticking to it.

[In which Chowder does his best to matchmake from the other side of the continent over summer break, and is immensely pleased with the results.]

Petals and Thorns by rhysiana Musician / Florist AU // Series // ~17k // PG-13

Goddammit, Will thought as he dodged around a few strategically tall people and turned down a side street. How had he managed to leave the apartment without a hat? He peeked back around the corner. His fans were less than a block behind him, and he really couldn’t deal with them today. Frantically, he studied the shops around him, hoping for somewhere to hide.

Coffee shop? Too easy.

Ah! Nursery Rhymes: Poetic Floral Arrangements. Perfect. No one would ever look for him in there.

can’t change what the seasons bring by growlery Canon Divergence // ~1.7k // PG-13 They get back after winter break, and Dex has done something to his hair, and he was hot before, but now he’s, like, hot and he doesn’t look like a grumpy old man.“New year, new me,” Dex says dryly, and Nursey might be having kind of a crisis about it.

want to be (yours) anyway by shellybelle Canon Divergence // ~39k // PG-13

Dex learns Nursey’s secret halfway through practice on a cold morning in October.

“What the hell,” someone says, interrupting the Dex's shooting drill. “Is that a baby?”

(Or: Nursey has a secret, Dex has a crush, and things get complicated before they get romantic--which isn't to say they don't get romantic at all.)

Paint Me Like One of Your French Canadians by Denois Canon Divergence // ~6k // R

Lardo hooked Dex up with an extra part time job to help make ends meet back in his frog year. Modeling for the art classes was pretty easy money, and the team never had to know. Until Nursey took an art elective and needed a private model to complete his project and pass the class. Nursey's sure that he can keep it professional and friendly....as long as Dex never sees the completed paintings.

up to 104% perfect by winchysteria The Good Place AU // ~34k // NC-17

Will Poindexter and Derek Nurse finally know what happens after you die. You wake up in Hot God's office, you move into a really nice house, and-- you realize that you hate the person who's supposed to be your soulmate? Join a smug poet, a frigid computer nerd, and the rest of the Scooby gang as they ask questions like: what makes two people right for each other? what does it mean to be happy? does heaven get software glitches? and most importantly, why does this computer have a Southern accent?

Welcome! Everything is fine.

The World Only Spins Forward by Liminal_Space_LLC Soulmates AU // ~63k // PG

Dex and Nursey have been at odds for as long as they’ve been friends, but when Dex’s heartbreaking new soulmark has him turning to Nursey for advice, they will discover they have more in common than they ever realized. Together, they will help each other heal their heartache and become closer than they’ve ever been before. As their friendship grows, neither of them is prepared for newer, sweeter feelings to emerge.

However, Nursey has his secrets, and nothing scares him like the possibility of having his heart broken again. That doesn’t stop him from wanting, though, and as their feelings become stronger, both Nursey and Dex find it ever harder to hide them. Meanwhile, the stakes are becoming higher as the team comes closer and closer to the Frozen Four. Can Nursey and Dex overcome their fears to realize the love they feel, or will their anxieties destroy everything they’ve worked for?

starting to get to me by playingforkeeps Buzzfeed Unsolved AU // ~12k // PG-13

“You’ve been dragging us to bumfuck nowhere with that mating call for three years when you hear there’s a sighting. But we’ve never considered: what happens if Bigfoot answers it? That’s the goal, isn’t it? You’ve been after that good, good Bigfoot dick this whole time!”

Dex sputters. “I don’t want to fuck Bigfoot! Jesus, Nurse!” He glances at the others, disbelieving. “Back me up here, guys.”

Silence. Lardo says, “You do own a Bigfoot mating call, dude.”

All Hail the Underdogs by xiaq Boarding School AU // ~76k // PG-13

Lucifer was an angel once.

That’s what Nursey thinks, the first time he sees William Poindexter.

Because the boy is beautiful even though he shouldn’t be. Even though he’s doubtless the kind of person who would punch you in the face if you said the words “you” and “beautiful” to him in the same sentence.

His skin is choked with freckles. It’s potentially more freckle than skin. Not just his face, where his nose and cheekbones are so hyper-pigmented they look tanned, but his collarbones and forearms and knuckles. The close-shaved dark ginger stubble of his hair should make his ears look too big or his mouth too wide but instead it accentuates the long curve of his throat, the cup of velvet skin between the tendons in the back of his neck.

“You’re the new defenseman?” Nursey asks. “William Poindexter?”

And the boy turns around and considers him with what might be contempt but what might just be the way his face looks and says, “Yeah?” like its a challenge.

And Nursey thinks:

Oh no.

In So Many Words by alocalband Canon Divergence // ~17K // R Derek writes a short story. That's his first mistake. His second is getting it published.

bless this mess and call it a home by pepperfield Magical AU // ~27k // PG-13 The thing is, being able to talk to houses doesn't actually preclude them from conspiring to ruin your life. Dex finds this out a little too late. First comes the Dib Flip, then Nursey's bed, and the water heater...the Haus definitely has it in for him. In which Dex has house magic, Haus has Haus magic, and at least one of them is in love with Nursey.

#mine by rispacooper Urban Fantasy AU // ~17k // R Treasure, Will thought with an angry little snort. Nursey called almost everyone on the team treasure. He called Ford treasure. He’d even called Coach Hall treasure once. He did not call Will that. That was probably Will’s fault. Knowing that didn’t make Will feel any better about it.

love you as the plant that never blooms by sugarybowl & wishingonalightningbolt Canon Divergence // ~27k // NC-17 Dex doesn’t roll his eyes, but only because he’s overwhelmed with the thought that he really does have feelings for Nursey. Gooey feelings. Romantic ones. They see each other every day; they’ve been close, there’s been touching, and maybe—maybe it’s not quite as platonic as Dex assumed it was. From watching Ransom and Holster, anyone could get the idea that that’s just what friends do. But… It feels different.

“I like him,” he says, soft, contemplative. “I like when he’s around and it’s frustrating to watch him go. It’s horrible to think he might be upset at me, or that he thinks I lied to him. It’s killing me.”

Dex doesn't know what it is to want. With Nursey, he learns.

[fortunatelyhauntedblackcherry]

Moonshine - A Beetlejuice Fanfiction 12

Warning: swearing, several mentions of murder, scaring people out of their pants, Beej being a creep, shotgun use, abusive ex.

The ground was shaking, the house was somehow glitching and green smoke filled the living room. The girls heard a loud, croaky, devilish laugh right before the room turned completely dark. Even the lightning stopped. Sofía held Rei close in fear, while Ari was looking around with lustruous eyes. All of a sudden, a gravelly voice filled the air.

- Welcome, welcome, welcome, lovely ladies! - a weirdly handsome, husky man with fluffy hair, which went from black roots to glowing, bright green tops and stubble colored the same way stood on the dining table. He wore a dirty striped suit with a stripey shirt; a green tie, which had several spots of moss on it; black suspenders; and dirty black leather shoes with stacked heels. He was grinning, showing his sharp double canines; his golden, kind of catlike eyes were shining in excitement. Some random spots of dirt and maybe rotting patterned his face. He put a spotlight on himself, and as he threw his hands above his head, a couple of red neon lights lighted up around him. Some of them were arrows, pointing at him, some of them were captions saying "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice". - Can all of you see me now?

- SHIT HE'S REAL. - screamed Rei.

- Wow. - gasped Ari right before the man jumped down from the table. He landed right in front of her. He locked his gaze in hers and offered her a hand. - You look WAY better than I imagined, based on the voice. - she put her palm in his. - Not so dead... - Beetlejuice lifted Ari up from the ground and as he did, he locked her in his arms, swooped her off her feet and planted a kiss on her lips. Which was followed by a bitchslap from the wide-eyed breather girl. Beetlejuice let Ari go, still smiling like an idiot.

- Sorry, sorry, I got overjoyed, I just had to, I couldn't help myself. Am I overstepping my bounds? - Ari nodded and smiled while she wiped her lips. This man can't be real. Crazy motherfucker is worse than I imagined. - It's just that this whole thing is so beautiful! - his voice got emotional and he put his hands on his chest, where Ari imagined his heart would've been. - You called me! You didn't have to, but you called me!

- The fuck you mean she didn't had to? - asked Rei who let go of Sofía to inspect the demon more closely. Beetlejuice raised an eyebrow, pulled a grimace, snapped his fingers and a couple pieces of furniture appeared before the winter garden's door, making a barricade.

- Solves all ya problems. - he turned back to Ari. - NOW! I'm gonna go, kill those suckers, have some fun, earn some screams, and leave chaos in my wake!

- Yes, good, get on it! - stated Ari, held Beetlejuice's wide shoulders, and turned him around to face the backdoor. - Get'em, tiger. - Sofía jumped in front of them, making Beetlejuice almost fall over.

- Wait, you really want him to do that?!? - Ari gestured with her hand and raised her eyebrows.

- Duuuh, I didn't summon him to play fucking yahtzee! - BJ chuckled and put his elbow on Ari's shoulder.

- I like your jokes but I like hu-mor. - he cooed with a tilted head and a cheesy smile. Ari flashed a kind of annoyed look at him and blinked fast.

- Later, Beetlejuice, later, please, we have so much shit to do and haunt and kill now.

- You can't do that! - said Sofía, still standing before Ari and BJ. - It's not just morally wrong, but don't ya think, Ariadné dearest, that if a bunch of guys get brutally murdered here, we'll have to bury them and having a shitton of mounds in our backyard would raise suspicion? AND since we have such a bad luck, I'm pretty sure the police would find the bodies somehow. - Beetlejuice layed back to the wall, inspecting his dirty black nails, sighing. There's so much trouble with living folks, they always find somethin' to ruin the fun. It's easier with dead guys, you have some problems with them, you just throw 'em to a sandworm and your problems are solved! WAIT...

- Hey, guys, sorry to barge in, but I just wanna state that if you push someone, that’s bullying, if you kill someone, that’s murder, sure, but if there is no evidence and nobody sees it... - he shrugged. - ...it’s a simple accident. - he showed a toothy grin, lightning flashing on his sharp double canines. - And those goddamn sandworms could swallow anyone alive.

- What's a sandworm? - asked Ari excitedly. BJ shrugged.

- Oh ya know, nothing much, just 10-meters-tall two-headed snakes with a killer appetite. If they eat someone, they automatically get deported to the Netherworld, or I dunno how ya folks call it, Purgatory. No problem with the body, or the ghost. - Ari smiled widely and launched herself at Beetlejuice. She hugged his neck tightly.

- YOU ARE A GENIUS! - Beetlejuice just stood still, not knowing what to do with the sudden hug.

- Well, being dead has its perks. - he said with a small, weird laugh. Ari made a disgusted face and quickly let go.

- Ew, you smell like rotten meat. Gross.

- Aww thanks babe! - ha cooed and put his weight from one leg to another like a little kid.

Rei cleared her throat.

- Isn't that swallowing thing still murder though? - Beetlejuice appeared right behind her out of thin air.

- Jesus Christ, Rei, you sexy son of a bitch, grow up! - he said and pinched her booty, then quickly reappeared on the dining table. - Please, sweethearts, shut up already! - he said in a nagging manner. - I'm ready for some people to die! Let me have my fun, you guys are like a snorefest! - the knocking started again, since the bad guys on the other side of the door realized they can't break it.

- Who's there with ya honey? - asked Matt, after hearing BJ talk. - Did... DID YOU HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE?! I AM ALL THAT YOU NEED! ARIADNÉ, DON'T MAKE ME COME IN THERE!!! - BJ pointed at the door.

- See, the stupid motherfucker's even asking for it!

The girls looked at each other. Rei was the first to talk.

- Well, I have a very little patience for stupidity. I say let's get rid of these jerks. - Sofía rolled her eyes and tried to say something but Beetlejuice quickly pointed at her and a metal plate appeared on her lips, making her unable to talk. She flashed an angry look at the demon. But he just shrugged with a wicked smile.

- Silence gives consent.

- There's only one more thing! - stated Rei, which made Beetlejuice do a huge eyeroll.

- WHATTTT.

- Kill only Matt. His henchmen don't deserve death, I mean at least I think so. - she said while looking at Ari. She nodded with pouted lips. - Only scare them. If you can do that. - Beetlejuice held his chest and dramatically made the expression of fainting.

- If I can do that?! What do ya think, what am I, a newbie? - he jumped off the table, booping Rei's nose. - Babes, I've been scaring for like a millennia. I'm the bio-exorcist of the Netherworld, giving houses enemas and shit. - he turned away. - Don't underestimate my power cause I'll be offended! - Ari laughed, jumped next to Beetlejuice who hold his arm out, so she locked arms with him. He stared deeply into her widely opened, emerald green eyes. - So tell me, little wolf, do you want to punish those who have wronged you? - he said in an arousing tone. His gravelly voice made Ari slightly shiver and gulp.

- Y-yes...

- Alright ladies, then let's turn up the juice and see what shakes loose!

With a snap of the fingers, all 4 of them teleported to the kitchen. The metal plate from Sofía's mouth disappeared, which made her kind of relieved, but still left her grouching.

- You snake-ass bitches don't respect the Sister Code... - she grumbled.

- Hey, d'ya want me to put the plate back on your slutty mouth, woman?! - asked Beetlejuice in a sharp tone. Sofía crossed her arms before her chest.

- ...I hate you. - Beetlejuice nodded then turned back to Ari with a devilish smile. His eyes were literally glowing at this point, and maybe he had sharper and a bit more teeth than an average human would have.

- Okay, so first thing first, I'm invoking the "No Judgement” clause of our friendship.

- What? Why? - asked Ari. Beetlejuice layed back to the middle kitchen counter and fixed his jacket. He flashed his glowing, hungry eyes at Ari and winked.

- Cause Imma get a little nasty... - Beetlejuice was interrupted by an angry scream. Matthias was banging on the door so loud at this point that Rei was sure he already broke some of his fingers.

- OPEN UP OR I'LL SHOOT THIS FUCKIN DOOR OPEN! - Ari's lower lip juddered at the sudden shouting. She cupped Beetlejuice's chubby face in her palms, took a deep breath and with heated determination in her eyes she said:

- Make him piss his pants.

- Your wish is my command, babes.

- I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE! - Beetlejuice looked at the door and snapped his fingers. - ONE! - the furniture floated back to their original places. - TWO! - BJ let out a voiceless laugh as he wiggled his fingers and made the whole house pitch black. - FUCK IT! - and with that, right after the sound of barrel-loading a shotgun, the door of the winter garden opened with a creek.

One of the most sobering things in the world must be to experience a classical horror cliché in a house that is rumored to be haunted. There were 5 men standing behind Matt; he met them all earlier that night at a shitty pub, and they were all horny and drunk enough for Matthias to convince them easily to follow him and break into the house of his ex-girlfriend. Stupid boys thought that they'll get some easy pussy that night. Then they saw the house and all of them started to get second thoughts... But they quickly brushed them off, those rumors were just to scare the little townsfolk.

As soon as the door opened, Matt's henchmen looked at each other. Matthias hastily stepped into the house and looked back at the guys. They were stalling and shared concerned looks. Beetlejuice snapped his fingers and appeared with the girls hidden behind one of the huge cupboards of the winter garden. He leaned closer to Ari and whispered:

- Watch. This. - he pointed at one of Ari's big oleanders and started to wiggle his fingers. The plant started to grow, and as it got bigger and bigger, it became an anthropomorphic cross between a Venus flytrap and an avocado. It had a huge, nasty-looking pod which had shark-like teeth. Ari gasped and smiled widely. She always wanted to see this plant in real life. The men didn't notice the plant first, but then one of them started to sniff the air, which was filled with the smell of blood now, and turned around. As soon as he spotted the plant, he screamed like a girl. Beetlejuice opened his mouth in awe and circled his nipples.

- Oh how I missed that sound... - he purred. Ari laughed.

- Do the Voice, do the Voice, do the Voice! - she said excitedly and jokingly smacked BJ's upper arm a couple times. The demon showed his teeth, held out his hand like a sock puppet and immitated talking with it. As he did, the plant started to talk.

- FEED ME SEYMOOUUR! - the plant growled at the men before it. All 5 of them screamed and launched themselves into the pitch black room. They shoved Matt before themselves, who fell on his stomach, dropped his weapon and headbanged the hardwood floor. Beetlejuice snapped his fingers again, which made him and the girls reappear behind the sofa. He peeked out, threw his hand up and made a pulling movement. The burglars all got dragged deeper into the room. It felt like something grabbed their ankles and pulled them...

In the blink of a moment, the door slammed shut behind them, and maniacal laughter filled the air, like it came from every direction. Beetlejuice winked at the girls and got back to his normal, gravelly tone.

- Learn to throw your voice, fool your friends, fun at parties!

- Now THAT is cool! I wanna do that too! - said Rei in an excited tone. Sofía rolled her eyes; she was still very pissed at her sisters so she decided to not give a damn, doesn't matter what awesome things Ari's demon buddy could do. Ari peeked over the edge of the sofa and giggled at the expressions of the men. They looked so afraid. Beetlejuice quickly pulled her back and shushed her with a small laugh. He gestured towards the fireplace which instantly lit up. One of the guys let out a tiny scream, which made BJ rub his palms in ecstasy. He bit his lower lip.

- Mi mamá was right. - said one of the burglars, a shorter latino guy with wobbly voice. - This place... is cursed.

- No it's not. - stated the one next to him. He sounded clearly afraid as well, he just tried to cover it with confidence. - Anyway, what is it with you and curses? You're never happy without a good curse. Superstitious idiot. - he changed into a more sarcastical tone. - "This is cursed, that is cursed!"

- Give it a rest, will ya!!! - shouted Matt, who was looking for the shotgun. - Don't be pussies! It's just the wind, and my baby always had weird plants. You know what we came for. Let's head upstairs, 2 people per girl, and have some fun! - he flashed an evil smile at his "friends". And that made Beetlejuice's blood boil.

- Not on my watch, Mattyboy! - he hissed. He closed his eyes for a moment. Welp, hope I'm not rusty. - Let's see, what are you jerks the most afraid of?

He disappeared from behind the sofa. The girls peeked out, and clearly saw a shadow figure circling the men. It was audible that something was moving behind them. The burglars turned around but didn't see a thing. Beetlejuice's shadow form took a quick look into every men's eyes. Several scriptures from the Middle Ages tell us that if a demon looks into your eyes, they can see your biggest fears. Who would've thought that it's true?

- Got it. - said Beej as he reappeared behind the sofa with a snap. He took a quick look on Ari's excited faced, and flashed a toothy grin. - This is gonna be so. Much. Fun. Let's give those guys the fright of their lives! - Beetlejuice disappeared again, just to reappear next to the windows. His figure was vaguely illuminated by the random thunderbolts. He tilted his head sideways and dropped his left hand next to himself. His painted black nails grew into huge claws, his catlike eyes were glowing, just like his dark burgundy hair. It always looked like this when he was in a destructive, devilish mood. He flashed a wicked, Cheshire-like smile and started to scratch the windows. It made the girls' get goosebumps but the burglars' look was a good enough compensation for the unpleasantness. Ari was pretty sure that the guys saw BJ for a moment before he disappeared with a laugh again. He sounded so evil. Beetlejuice appeared next to Ari again, digging into his fluffy hair, eyes closed, wide smile on his face. Shit, that's hot, thought Ari. - I'm still the Ghost with the Most.

- What if they go upstairs? - asked Sof with a raised eyebrow, pointing at the burglars approaching the stairs. - Hmm? Did ya plan out something for that as well, Mr. Ghosty-ghost?

- Well I have ideas... - said Ari and leaned close to Beej. She whispered something into his ear which made him bite his lower lip. At this point his teeth were more shark-like than human-like.

- Shit babes, you're a natural... - he moaned and flung his hand towards the stairs. Matthias just stepped on the first step, but was stopped by the sight of 2 little girls standing on the top of the stairs, holding hands. Their eyes were all black.

- Come play with us, Matty. Forever... and ever... and ever... - they said in the same rhythm, with the creepiest child-voice you can ever imagine. The burglars stepped back. Ari couldn't hold back any longer and shouted:

- NOW!

The children started screaming histerically and in the same moment, blood started to wave down the stairs, soaring on the walls, splashing at the men. They all screamed bloody murder and tried to ran away, scattering in every possible direction. Beetlejuice's eyes were glowing with pleasure.

- Do you hear that sound, Ari? That BEAUTIFUL sound? - he said with a moan and bit his fist. - That is the sound, of clean, white, shorts turning brown.. - he looked at Ari. - Ain't it the sweetest noise around? - he laughed maniacally which made Ari and Rei giggle as well. - You guys stay here so you won't stay in the way, but you... - he grabbed Ari's hand and pulled her up to her feet. - ...you deserve to enjoy the show from first row, babes.

With a snap, they appeared in the corner, next to good old Long John Silver's skeleton. Beetlejuice wiggled his fingers and the pirate slowly came to life. One of the burglars, with terror in his eyes, tried to run away as far as possible from the reanimated corpse, but clumsily, he lost his foothold because of the dripping blood from his clothes and fell on his back. It made a huge thud. Ari burst out laughing, like the child she was in heart, but tried to cover her mouth with her hand. Beetlejuice was laughing too, but decided to top his performance and wiggled his fingers again. The pirate started rattling as he lifted his sword up, let out a warcry, and started to run in the lying man's direction. He let out an agonizingly high-pitched scream as he got up. BJ and Ari laughed more histerically.

- Did you hear that?! - wheezed the girl and slapped BJ's shoulder. - Oh my god let's make some more people scream!

BJ held Ari's hand, and pulled her over to the TV. The demon tapped the screen which instantly lit up in blue. Weird streaks appeared on it, then a hand from the inside, tapping the glass. Then another one. Then one more. Two guys, who now held each other, screamed out. BJ put his arm around Ari's shoulders.

- Panic and stress, oh ain't it the best? - he said an laughed with his head thrown backwards.

- You are such a weirdo! - she laughed and elbowed him in the side. He let her go, tilted his head sideways, hunched down and bit his lips in a weird, kinda creepy manner. Ari wheezed and scruffed his fluffy hair. Beetlejuice hunched down more.

- Now behind my ear... - he said with a moan. Ari pulled her hand back with a laugh. She looked around, admiring the sight of bloody men running around, but then her eyes found a specific person standing before the steps, staring at her with a shotgun in his hand. The smile from her face disappeared. She took a step back, and Beetlejuice instantly stepped before her, covering her with his body. He formed a little cup with one of his hands, held out the other dramatically and blew into his palm. A huge blob of fire appeared right before them, blowing up in Matthias's face. He screamed and BJ laughed. - No worries babes, I got ya. NOW WHERE WERE WE. - he turned around and after some looking, he pointed at a guy. He was trying to open up the front door, but it was shut. Beetlejuice made huge gestures and summoned a crazy eyed, killer looking dog. Ari awwed and crouched down. The dog acted all surprised when the girl scruffed his head, but in half a second he got really happy and wagged his tail. Beetlejuice raised an eyebrow and made an unimpressed face. - You are a hellhound, you are SO not supposed to do that. - Ari laughed, hugged the dog one more time, then pointed at the guy Beetlejuice was eyeing.

- Go, catch! - she said in an angelic voice. The hellhound started barking and running towards his target. Poor guy jumped up on the hall cabinet.

Beetlejuice snapped again. They now appeared in the downstairs bathroom. A burglar was leaning against the bathroom door, huffing, and as they appeared, he pointed at BJ in fear.

- YOU! - he shouted. - My dad told me about you! The stripey demon with the stupid hair who haunts the creepy house at the edge of the town! Nobody believed a young weedhead pizza guy but you ARE real! - Beetlejuice shrugged and flashed an evil smile.

- Well, why didn't you listen to him? I bet he told ya to stay away from this... - he rubbed his palms together. - ...creepy house... - he opened his palms, water pouring out of them. Ari climbed up on the washing machine, which was a good idea, noticing that something huge started to move in the water. A crab-like figure. The guy screamed bloody murder. BJ laughed and snapped. Him and Ari reappeared in the living room, right behind the sofa. Rei was clapping like an idiot. Shit, even Sofía looked a bit more enthusiastic now. What can I say, the guy IS good.

- Are you lovely ladies having fun? - Ari and Rei nodded exaggeratedly, Sofía huffed and rolled her eyes. - Well the real show is just about to begin! Take your seats! - Beetlejuice teleported the girls onto the sofa while himself appeared on the coffee-table. He started tapping a rhythm with his feet and out of nowhere, the sound of a guitar could be heard. Then came drums. BJ was kinda dancing around on the table, feeling himself. One of the burglars ran towards him with a glass thing he found on one of the shelves. BJ fixed his jacket and with a movement of a hand, he summoned fire towards him. Then laughed at the guy falling over. Now full on music was blasting. Theatrical weirdo, thought Ari. Rei clapped, BJ bowed. Then he raised his hands slowly, making big spiders emerge from the ground. Sof whined a little and closed her eyes.

- EWEWEWEWEW.

One of the burglars, who was sitting in the corner, legs pulled up to his chest, cried out.

- THIS IS JUST A LUCID DREAM! I'M DREAMING! - BJ turned his head backwards, then floated before him with a normal facing, tilted head, and grabbed the guy's chin.

- Really? - the girls didn't see what's happening really, but what they saw, was that BJ's head was getting bigger and that he opened his lower jaw like a snake. - Then tell me, buddyboy, why do I hear you screaming? - the burglar screamed out and turned white as a wall. Beetlejuice appeared next to Ari on the sofa. He wiped his teary eyes and laughed again. Ari grabbed his thigh with an excited smile.

- You are fantastic! Unbelievable! That was a sound that says I will never sleep well again! - she breathed in. BJ's eyes were glowing at her. Literally glowing. - I can't believe you are such a talented scarer. Hollywood should learn from you. - the demon looked down at his shoes and crumpled his jacket. A slight streak of pink appeared in his hair. Ari jumped back. - OH MY GOD YOUR HAIR CHANGES COLOR! - he pulled the differently colored streak and sighed.

- Yeah, it's like a moodring... Stupid thing always tells on me...

- THAT IS THE COOLEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN! - said Ari with excitement in her voice. - What does light pink mean?

- NOTHING. - stated Beej. With a little bit too much voice. He cleared his throat. - Imma tell ya later, but as you said, we still have so much shit to do, to haunt, to kill... - he winked at Ari who rolled her eyes and crossed her arms before her chest. Beetlejuice booped her nose, than pulled her up onto the table. He whirled her around in ecstasy, both laughing, BJ howling sometimes. - Nice moves, little hellion! - he laughed. The music in the background got louder and louder with each moment. BJ let Ari go for a moment. The guys were losing it at this point, most of them crying and running around. Beetlejuice looked at his pal. - Hey Ari, check this out! - he raised his hands, pointing at one guy after another, twitching with each move. All 6 of them stood up straight. BJ looked at Ari with a wicked smile. - Dance break!

To the rhythm of the music, the burglars all started to dance. They did the same moves BJ did, with a weird green fog in their eyes. Beetlejuice occasionally looked at the girls, who were laughing their asses off. BJ did The Thing™, which made them all snort. Beetlejuice didn't notice that it also made Ari check out his pelvic moves.

The music ended, Rei and Sof was holding each other, both of them teared up by laughter. Ari slapped her thighs. Beetlejuice bowed several times.

- Thank you, thank you, thank you! That was an old Scandinavian folk song. - the girls teared up again. Beetlejuice smiled like an idiot. Now his hair was more green then burgundy. He was having a great time. - I mean, yeah, I put my own spin on it, but... Hey, ya liked it!

And that's when their laughter was stopped by the sound of barrel-loading a shotgun.

[anothersillyfanblog]

Lost in the forest

“We’re lost, Marv. We’re lost and we’re never gonna get back from here.” “Chase, it’s gonna be fine, it’s gonna be okay.” But it did look like they were lost. The forest was thick, and most trees looked exactly the same as the other trees. They’d gone into said forest because Marvin had needed some type of plant-thing for a spell. Chase had offered to go with him to avoid getting lost, which obviously hadn’t worked.

“Can you use your magic to like, see where we’ve been?” Brody asked anxiously. “If I could, I would. But I can’t, so we’ll just have to keep on going this way.” “You sure it’s this way?” “Pretty sure, yeah.” They carried on.

A few miles away, in a little wooden cabin, was a seething ball of hatred. And he wasn’t alone. No- the cabin had been rented out to a family of three, for the summer. This particular family was one he liked to keep an eye on for a variety of reasons. But most of those weren’t important. The important thing was, as the kids ran round, as he watched from within the television screen, he sensed something familiar approach. Two somethings, to be precise.

“I think I see something- Chase?” Marvin had gone ahead (mostly because Chase was beginning to really slow down) when he saw what looked like smoke. He received no answer. Which was when he realized how fucked up everything had just gotten. “Chase…” his friend was crouched on the floor, cradling his head. Marvin knew what this was. “Give me Chase, bitch.” “Mar̡̭̹̯̟vi̫͉͝n̸̝̬̥̮̜͕ ̹͉̟̲̟͚yo̝̤u͔̦͖ ͚̳k͈̦̰͘n̖o̘̹̭w͚͚͓̹ ̵̭̣̲̟͙n͚̦̱̬͚ͅo̜̗͜t̹͍̪̼ ̨͍̰̳̗̲t̸̳̻̗̘͔o͉̬̜̞ ͕̹͘c̨̰̟̠͔͉a̸̦͇̥̤̪ḷ͚̻̭̤̤͜l̪̯̦̼͈̩ ̯̘m̹̗̦͍̲̕e̜̼̭̹͈ͅ ͔͎̕t̢͉h̭̖̯̭̜̀a̭͍ṭ̵̻̙” Anti growled. “So this is why google maps wasn’t working. What do you want?” ‘Chase’ looked up at him, grinning, a green-ish glint in his eye. “O͓h͏̺͚͇̮̰̤̻ ͏I̸̬̹̠͔̳̳ ͎̱͠h̰͕͙av̨͉͙̫͖ȩ̙̬ ̭̩̩̫͝b̝̱͚͈e̸̱̞̦̞̣̤͔t̺͇͕̤t̹͙͓e̳̙̬͓r̴ ̮̠t̫̝͙̩̗̣̬h̞̱͙̠i͉̻͍͡n̝̤̣̞g̴͍̺s̬̠̣̰̱ ̧̖͍̬̝̩̯̘t̘̫o̲ͅ ͢d̷̬͕̺o̳͕̦̺ ͔̣̺̫̀t̠ḩ͙͙a̳̗͙͖̦̖͢n̗͉̱͞ ̱̱̰͉͚f̼͓̗͍̬u̲̰ć̳͖̺k u̞̦̠̯ͅp̣̦͞ yo͙͍̳̰͈̯ṳ͔͡r̹̯̙̖̯͈̱ ̵̭̙̼͓͙͙ͅp̮̘̹͚̻ho̧̤͇̲̖͙̮͚n̵̪͎̭̬̬̥e̸͉͔̩̬̱͉̫,͖͈̮̮̝̪̳ ̮̖͎m͎̕ą̠̪̬g͎̼͉̮͔͡i̮̠͟c̷̱̥̩̪i̝̪̖a̝͇̠̮ͅn͈͚̙͙̙̜.” He laughed harshly. “Like what? Possessing my friend, we talked about this glitch- you stay away and I won’t bother you.” The glitch laughed ever harder. “Give my friend back, fuck’s sake Anti!” Marvin screamed.

“Wh̷̟̩̬̹̜͔y̡̲̜̜̰̩ͅ ̻d̺̺͙̱̲̀on̦̺̙̠̳ͅ'̖ṭ͓̥͉̯̤̗̕ ͇̳̺̯͙Y̻͍Ó̙̲Ṷ̵̪̜ ̡̻̤g̟̻͟e̵t͚͈͔̜ ̯͇̮̙͕̩ͅóu̪̝̰̣͉t̢̻͉̬͈͇̖͈ ͚̝͎̪̝ơ̠f ͍̹̤̣͓̗M̜̩Y̞̙̱̗̟̼ͅ fo͕͚̤͈̥ͅr͇͕ͅe͏̫sṱ̡̻͚͇̝?” he’d stopped laughing. “I- what? Jesus Christ, Anti, we got lost. Talk about an over-reaction.” “Y͓̘̱̳̳̺͞o͓̭͚̹͍u͙̮̜͔͍̫̻ ̥̣̝̩̱̼̗͘ẉ̱̭͢ͅo̘̗̯̱̣̺ͅu͈̥ͅlͅd͟ ̺͓̀d̫̹̖͕́o̩͉͖͈͔̱̫ ̯̳̭͍s̬̦͚̘͙̘̳͘o̥m̳̫̟ͅeth̦͇̹̙͎̩i̟n̸̬͈͈ǵ ͏͎̭͕̠̺̬t̴̙̣̱̳̞̜ḫ̡̫̭̦̘̙͍a̧̰̰̼̜͚͚t̫ ̞͓͓̰s̞̩̻̤̱̭ṱ̭͖̱̰ù͎̱̙͎pi̙̥̲̳̗͍͞d,͕͎͉ ̱͙y̳ḛ̩̥̪̮̦̦͝s̭̩̳̪̗̩ͅ.̧̲̹̼̩̥” Chase’s body went limp and the green glow died. A disembodied voice spoke, causing the hair on the back of Marvin’s neck to stand on end.

“W͉̺͈͍̮̪̙͡h̝̞e͇̩̹n͉͔̫͉͝ ̭̮̝̝y̩o͉͍̰͎̤u̙̬͇̭̕r̢͎̦̗ ͔͓̰̦ͅf̹̖͠r̶̰̪͔̺͍̯ͅi̶e̯͔̤͍̹n̼̖̗͇̠ḑ͓̤̳̣ ̭̺w͍a͇͞ͅk̜͎e͖ͅs̯̻͈͜ ̴͔u͎̗͕ͅp̺͜,̮͔̻̗͘ ͎͎͚̩h̟̭͙͇ea̦̜d ̨̙̣̰̙͕̘̹i̞̼ͅņ̬ ̟͔͓̺t͝h̨̗͎̮͇͚a̶͓̣̼͓t ̴̰d͇ir̝͔̥̗è͖̰c̛͖̮̯t̸͓̙͔͍̻i̡͓͚̬̱̭͍ó̻͍ṋ̠̫̱͈ ͇͚̬an̴d̫̥ ̱̯̘̭o͓̻̖̮̪̜̭nͅl̢̩͉̬̜y̳͕̘̪̝̬͘ ͎̭̣͠t͠h͘a̗̭̣̝͈͞ń̖̻k ͓̳ͅͅt̠̝̞h̟͚̻̫̲͜á̠t̮̖̮ͅ ͇̯̱̝͢I͔̗͎͈̟̰ ͔͢d͖̣̭͓i̺̳̪͉͔̗͍d̦̼̠͝ͅn'͓̞͇̳̮̱͔t̨̲̠͉̥̝͕ k͇ìl̳l̙̣̘͜ ͏̺yo̠͔͔͙u̪̦̹̯͕.͈”

Marvin held his friend until he woke up then, as usual, did what Anti told him.

[deviantconnorarmy]

Statistically Speaking...

AN: Done for @tea-with-loki Torn In Two challenge. I got the idea almost immediately, but it was 3 a.m. So I jotted down notes/important snippets/information and it was tabled till the morning (later morning, after sleep). P.S. I love Breaking Benjamin, I usually end up listening to BB for the darker parts of my stories for inspiration.  Also...this is actually short by my standards.  Even for a one shot.

Hindsight AN:  This has turned into a mini-series.  I’m calling it the “Survivability” Mini Series.

Characters: Connor, Fem!Reader, Hank Anderson

Pairing: Connor x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Language (I’m not posting any other warnings here cause spoilers. I will still tag the story so no one is blindsided by unwelcome triggers)

Word Count: 1527

Masterlist   Next Part --->

"Is this the fate we fall between? Deface the life inside of me. Drain the heart with atrophy, and take away the remedy. I am torn in two...Hold on, hold on, we're barely alive. I am faded through...Hold on, hold on, the fallen arise. I will fight this world for you, and let the dawn of love survive. Broken, I crawl back to life!" --”Torn In Two” by Breaking Benjamin

*Connor POV*

Red and static glitched across his vision, marring the pure white of the snow covered abandoned parking lot. He was damaged, his systems informing him of how much damage had been taken and where, that he only had a sixty-one percent chance of survival if he took a very specific path of escape at this very moment. A few paces away, he could see you laying face-down in the snow, crimson slowly staining snow around you.

An ambush. Of course it had been an ambush. There had been a high probability that the information you both needed for the most recent turn of the Deviant case--androids being used to smuggle drugs one of which had caused a red ice lab to explode and killed dozens when it had gone deviant--could be found here. Connor had thought that the potential to find beneficial information had outweighed the risk.

He'd been wrong.

The shooting had started, and Connor had been the first one hit, his clearly android clothes making him an obvious primary target. The bullets had continued to be unrelenting as you both dove for different spots of cover behind broken down, rust covered cars. Connor was in bad shape, but behind the car ten paces to his left...

Chance of Survival: 3%

Three percent.

She's not going to make it.

His escape path was clearly mapped out in his mind. He only needed to follow it. You weren't going to make it no matter what he did, not with those odds.  The best thing he could do was limp back to the precinct and tackle the case from a new angle. It was the only logical option. Leave you. You were practically already dead.

So why hadnt he moved yet? A precious second went by and his survivability dropped to fifty-nine.  He needed to act.

But he couldn’t leave.

Connor shifted to a coiled position, ready to spring forward in your direction at a moment’s notice.  Thirium dripping from his wounds and stained the snow blue, but he ignored it and the Software Instability in the corner of his vision that seemed to be going haywire.

Without really thinking about what he was doing, Connor acted on what he would call instinct--if he wasn’t a machine.  He let the desire to help you however he could override the logic he’d assessed the situation with.

Three percent may have been a terrible chance of survival, but it was still a chance.

Determined, Connor leapt forward, racing to cover the distance between the two cars to get to you as gunfire rang across the parking lot once again.  Connor’s survivability dropped drastically, halved in seconds to twenty-four percent, and his systems quickly alerted him he’d sustained more damage and lost more thirium.  Another bullet hit a major component in one of his legs, and he went down, a foot from the car you were lying motionless behind.

Chance of Survival: 2%

Connor planted his arms in the ground, dragging himself against the ground to crawl forward that last foot.  He was leaving a thirium trail in his wake, another bullet grazing the back of his neck.

His survivability dropped to seventeen percent.  Yours was still clinging to that shaky two.

Connor managed to get his head and upper body behind the car, shielding the important parts from the gunfire.  Another bullet got one of his feet, and he ground his teeth together, pulling himself over to your side with more effort than he cared to admit.

Chance of Survival: 3%

Connor’s LED flashed--it had been red this entire time, but for the moment, it was yellow as he made a call for help.

5%

To his surprise, he saw your fingers twitch, and you stirred slightly.  He’d thought you’d been unconscious, but you seemed to still be responsive.

“C...Connor?”

The mumbled words were muffled by the snow, and would have been inaudible if it hadn’t been for his android senses.  It also stirred him back to action as he pulled himself over to you, putting his arm around you.  It took a few moments, but he managed to pull himself on top of you, one hand finding its way underneath you so he could put pressure on and try to stop the bleeding from one of your more serious wounds.

7%

“C...what..?”

Connor could hear footsteps approaching, and he felt his heart hammer in his chest, knowing that the people approaching had to be their ambushers.

“Don’t move,” he whispered back.  “No matter what happens.  Don’t.  Move.”

8%

Connor closed his eyes.

His own survivability flashed in front of him, a single, glaring red 1%.

In one last attempt to help your chances, he did his best to heat up his temperature before you were both found, not wanting you to freeze to death.

“Found it!”

Connor felt panic--actual fear--as the voice echoed above the two of you, and his grip around you involuntarily tightened as he saw that last chance of his survival disappear.

0%

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

*Hank POV*

Hank didn’t waste any time in getting to the parking lot Connor had directed him to, the ambulance he’d also requested struggling to keep up with Hank’s speed.

It would just have to keep struggling--there was no way in hell he was slowing down.  Whatever was happening, Connor had sounded like it was urgent, clearly life and death.

“You better be all right, you fucking plastic prick,” Hank muttered out loud as he took a risky hard turn into the abandoned parking lot, the hula girl on his dash dancing wildly.

Hank only bothered to pull into the parking lot enough so that the ambulance still had room, jumping out of the car and pulling out his gun and a flashlight as he rushed into the parking lot, flashlight sweeping behind car after car when he didn’t see Connor or you out in the open anywhere.  The android EMTs followed a few paces behind him, waiting for a signal that would tell them who their patient was.

He’d been searching for almost ten minutes when he caught sight of something blue glowing in the snow, the clear sign of an android.

“Connor!”

It was already a bad sign that the android was on the ground and covered in snow, but the fact he didn’t respond to Hank’s call only made the fears hank had been trying to suppress worse.  As he got closer, he could see the thirium stained snow leading from one car to where Connor was currently lying motionless, and then he saw the crimson...

Finally he got close enough his flashlight illuminated Connor’s body, riddled with bullet holes and lying unmoving atop something Hank couldn’t see.

“Connor!” Hank shouted, tucking his gun away as he dropped next to the android.  He tried to roll him over, only to realize Connor’s arm was wrapped around something.  Hank quickly switched tracks, pushing Connor the other way and rolling him onto his back.

As well as revealing you were hidden underneath him.

“Jesus Christ,” Hank swore, one hand reaching out to Connor while the other landed on your shoulder.  Not a single bullet had pierced through Connor to you, but his clothes, especially his jacket, was soaked in thirium, the same blue blood coming out of his nose and mouth, eyes still closed, LED dark.  “Jesus Fucking Christ...”

Hank rolled you over carefully, expecting to see you riddled with bullet holes and dead as well.  When he did, he only saw a couple gunshot wounds, and he could see--now that you were on your back--that Connor’s hand had been over the worst, keeping you from bleeding out before help could arrive.

Your chest rose.  Marginally, but enough for him to see you were somehow still alive.

“Get your asses over here!” Hank hollered at the EMTs, who were already hurrying over with their stretcher.  “Shit!”

Hank looked over at Connor again, taking in the blue blood drag mark from the other car, and the crimson snow that hadn’t budged, the bullet holes all over him, your blood on his hand.

It wasn’t hard for Hank to put together that whatever had happened, Connor’s actions saved your life at the cost of his own.

Your life took precedence.  Hank went with you to the hospital, hoping you were going to be all right--especially with what Connor had sacrificed to keep you alive--unable to help but think of Cole.  It wasn’t like he could do anything with Connor’s body, though--Cyberlife had a certain way of doing things.  They were supposed to be called when there was a destroyed android.

They didn’t come for hours, though, unbeknownst to Hank, or you, lying in recovery in the hospital, currently in a coma but the doctors optimistic considering how far you’d defied the odds already.

Connor remained lying in the snow for hours, surrounded by blue, white, red, and rusty metal.  It started snowing again, gradually hiding the android from view of the outside world as time slipped by.

There was a soft whir that hummed through the parking lot.

A dull red glow emanated from beneath snow.

Next Part --->

[themadnessthatis]

So, Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness...

Warning, this is going to be a long-ass post, mostly me rambling about how TR6 was a game with good concepts but shitty execution. Expect a bit of non-linear ranting.

I have some serious Opinions™ on this game, now having finished it (which was a quasi-Herculean feat in of itself from fighting against the game the whole time, but more on that in a bit).

When I first got this game, eyes full of wonder and amazement, I was like “aw yeah, a new Tomb Raider for a new generation of consoles!”. Having only played it for a bit my opinion quickly soured, and the game was never played after having fallen down a hole and dying in the Parisian sewers. All I said to myself at the time was “wow, this game is shit,never playing this again :| .”

Which I didn’t, until recently.

Fast forward a bit, and a friend of mine lends me her PC copies of Tomb Raider 2-through-6 (sadly no copy of TR1  :’[ ), which I sat down and played, all while eyeing up the box containing AoD with animosity. Boy did I regret saying I wouldn’t mind if she lent me that one as well.

But after going through the other games with various degrees of ease, from the “wow it’s over already?” of Chronicles to the “Will it never end?” of TR3 (which I personally rate as the worst of the “old school” Tomb Raiders. Just....fuck that game, the best part of it is the credits, but I digress.), we were left with just one more game; Angel of Darkness, sitting there, almost expectantly.

“Well, it’s been a while, maybe I was just bad at the game, and it’s actually alright?” I said as I set about installing it, ready to give the game the benefit of the doubt.

Well the fact that controller setup was a pain in the arse should’ve been a dead giveaway that something was up. Though is was nowhere near as infuriating as Chronicles, which required a fucking JoyToKey configuration to get it to work smoothly, otherwise jumps would result in Lara just careening off to the side every.fucking.time.)

Actually, when you first play AoD, the controls are really the first thing you’ll pick up on. I.E: they’re the worst. Really they’re the biggest flaw of this whole game, and if they weren’t as clunky and gods-awful as they are, AoD might’ve been a much better experience. Lara controls like a fucking Mark IV from 1917; turns, speed, everything. It’s such a jarring shift from the previous installments that it really takes some time getting used to, and could be a reall deal-breaker. Also Lara no longer runs like she used to, more like a slow jog, only gaining the ability to sprint later in the game (you know, the thing she could do at the very beginning of TR3, 4 and 5? Like she has to learn how to use her legs, after all of her previous escapades?!). Jumping also seems to have undergone some hideous transformation; from somewhat fluid sequences to an absolutely jerky mess of a mechanic, not helped by Lara needing some space to build up momentum (from walk to jog). Like the only time she handles almost smoothly is when she’s swimming (which thank fuck no longer has her getting stuck on the walls and floor like she did in previous games.).

When you’re not busy fighting against the controls and some of the early Capcom-esque fixed camera angles, you might be able to notice some of the changes to the TR formula, for better or for worse.

Perhaps the most noticeable is Lara’s equipment; gone are her iconic (not Ubisoft iconic, mind you) pistols with unlimited ammo. In their place Lara can collect a plethora of new pistols, including a very nice taser. Though this is moot when Lara eventually loses all of her acquired weapons, as she is wont to do if TR1, 2 and 3 are anything to go by. You also get the classic shotgun and two SMGs. Though tbh, and this might just be me, but don’t all of the weapons in this game feel like the do the same amount of damage?

One thing that was a nice touch was the inventory revamp. The ring-like setup from previous TRs is gone, and now each type of item (health, weapons and puzzle clues) have their own inventory sections, making it less of an eyesore than the cluttered messes of the previous game’s inventories. Speaking of health, the repertoire of healing items has been increased, with various items granting various degrees of health restoration, which is nice, no more wasting medikits (though i do not understand how a chocolate bar could heal a person, but whatever, video game logic, i guess.). The puzzle clues section does get kinda cluttered though, as Lara doesn’t seem to want to get rid of anything she picks up, even if she no longer needs it, so her pockets are basically just full of security cards and bits of paper until the end of the game like JESUS CHRIST ON A STICK JUST DUMP THAT SHIT IN A BIN, LARA!”.

On the subject of puzzles, it’s great that that is an element that has carried over to AoD nicely, unlike some of the more modern titles (looking at you, Tomb Raider 2013). The Hall of Seasons was a great example of this, and is very reminiscent of the St Francis’ Folly from the original games, what with its God-themed rooms. Granted that there were other “puzzles” that were a little too obvious, like “push table to find mixture to kill giant plant”. But overall,  the puzzle side of Tomb Raider is definitely there. Although, there are no secrets to find (but after TR3 and 4′s “And your reward is FLARES” bullshit, I’m okay with that).

So, what about the story? To be perfectly honest, it’s as about as normal as a Tomb Raider story line can be: Secret sect looking for paintings so they can resurrect an ancient race of human/angel hybrids that was destroyed back in biblical times except not all of them, and Lara gets involved b/c they killed Von Croy and she was framed for it... Look, it’s certainly not as far-fetched as “Italian mafia dude looking for magic Chinese knife that turns people into dragons instead of corpses when stabbed with it.” (Love you, TR2, but what even...), or whatever the hell was going on in TR3 with its magical ancient Polynesian artifacts and “rapid evolution”, but it’s out there.

Mechanics wise, there have been some changes that are quite nice in concept, but are failed by poor execution (a running theme for this game). The grip meter is a new thing, and is influenced by Lara’s upper body strength (like how her jumping/sprinting and door-kicking are affected by her lower body strength), like a sort of RPG attribute. These body strength factors are a nice tough and could’ve been a plus in a good game, but here the attributes are given out at arbitrary moments throughout the game and feel forced, like at one moment Lara must gain an upper body strength upgrade by just shunting a pile of boxes around for no real reason. When you couple this with the sluggish momentum-based “running”, it’s almost like the developers were trying to go for a more “realistic” feel but didn’t really know how to go about it.

There’s also a certain Bioware-esque dialogue tree that pops up from time to time in the game. While it’s a nice touch, the fact that there’s no real change to the outcome (bar 3 exceptions) kind of makes the interactions pointless.

Going past the mechanics, the game itself (at least on PC), is a glitchy, buggy mess that would crash for no reason. Textures are missing, walls vanish in some of Kurtis’ (a boring, bland secondary character we get to play as, and I’ll get to him in a second.) levels for no reason, not to mention that one level can be skipped entirely thanks to a bug where Lara just has to roll into a fucking wall. Also, not certain if it’s more an exploit than it is a bug, but it’s kinda of an anticlimax that the last two bosses can be cheesed by just commando-crawling under their projectiles. The greatest menaces to humanity, outdone by toddler maneuvers .

Now, onto Kurtis...Kurtis is a member of an organisation dedicated to stomping out evil, particularly sorcery and alchemy (thus pitting him against the big baddie, Eckhardt, who looks like he just got done trying to audition for the part of Auron from Final Fantasy). He’s supposed to come across as some sort of bad boy with magical powers, but honestly he’s a boring, ugly, fucking Broody McGravelvoice with no personality. You get to play as him for all of 3 (or was it 4?) levels, and boy oh boy, you will hat him throughout all of them. Somehow, and I didn’t know it was possible, somehow he controls WORSE than Lara. He moves like he’s got a broom up his arse and jumps like he’s on the fucking moon. His levels feel like they were  some De-mastered edition of Until Dawn, full of enemies that serve no purpose other than to drain you of resources, and are capped off with the worst boss fight ever, thanks to twitchy auto-aim and Kurtis’ shoddy controls. Like fucking Mark Williard at  the end of TR3 was more feasible than this cavalcade of bullshit. Also the first time he meets Lara in the Louvre, the cut-scene is just so unsettling and creepy, she should’ve just beat his arse into the tiled floor there and then. I seriously hope he’s dead.

And the ending... What a bloody disappointment; Lara wanders off into a dark passage after killing the bigger bad, and then...nothing. No credits, no “the end” screen, the game just shits you back onto the “Press Start” screen.

But in the end, after all was said and done, I think my opinion of AoD has shifted somewhat. I don’t hate it like I thought I did, I’m just, I dunno, disappointed...This game had so many good ideas that were handled so poorly, and it certainly wasn’t helped that, at least on the PC version, it was a glitch-fest and the controls were piss-poor. And as a final insult? Jiggle physics. I’m not fucking kidding like Core Design  couldn’t iron out the bugs and do something about the arse-backwards controls, but they gotta make sure dem jiggly titties are in there? -_-’ Fucking hell what a dumpster fire of a game. Like I want to like it but the fuck-headedness of it all just, just no. 

[starlit-havens]

I have one sorta. So everyone of the egos have a last name except for jackaboy man and Anti. Or at least no one knows what they are. I feel like the others are constantly trying to figure out what they are. lol

(Thanks so much for the suggestion! I’ll write more fluff to make up for my last stories. Let’s find out what the Egos are up to today!)

   "Jackie. Just tell us.“   "Guys! Fuck off!”   Chase, Dr. Schneeplestein and Marvin had all cornered the superhero in the corner of the kitchen after dinner, surrounding him in uncharacteristic curiosity. Marvin leaned in closer. “We all have one, Jackaboy. What’s yours?” The other two nodded in furious agreement.   Jackie shrugged defensively. “I just don’t, okay? I don’t know what else to tell you!”   Chase looked at Schneeple, who nodded. “Time to pull out the big guns,” Chase said, unclipping his nerf gun from his belt. “If you don’t tell us, I’ll be forced to stuff your mouth with teabags and trickshot nerf bullets into your nose.”

   "Jesus, Chase! Why is this such a big deal? Just because you and the doc have a last name doesn’t mean I have to as well!“ Jackaboy Man cried out, raising his hands and widening his eyes as he saw the gun. “Marvin doesn’t have a last name either!”   Marvin blinked. “It’s Marvin the Magnificent. That’s my last name.”   "Then my last name is Man!“   Dr. Schneeplestein rolled his eyes. "Zhat is a ridiculous last name. You must have real one!”   "I don’t! I swear, I don’t!“ Jackie sobbed.   Chase sighed and clipped his nerf gun back on. "Sorry, hero dude. I just thought that since we’re your friends, we should know! And I thought you’d have an actual name, not just your superhero name, y'know?”   The red-suited Ego looked tearfully at Chase. “Should I?”   Looking at Dr. Schneeplestein, Chase readjusted his hat thoughtfully. “Well, did Sean ever give you one?”   "No,“ Jackaboy wailed mournfully. "Now I’ll never be as cool as you three!”   Marvin rubbed his face, exasperated. “Now look. You both made him cry.”   Offended, the doctor opened his mouth to reply, but Chase interrupted them. “My dudes, let’s just take it up with Sean, then. He’s bound to know something.”   Marvin shrugged noncommittally, but Jackaboy Man nodded fiercely in agreement, eyes lighting up at the prospect. “Please?”   "Alright, I don’t see vhat we haf to lose,“ the doctor conceded, letting Jackie out from where they had cornered him. The superhero scuttled out, rapidly drying his tears excitedly. Chase led the three Egos upstairs, parading up the steps towards where Sean resided.   As they turned the corner to his room, Signe’s door opened and she walked out, freezing as she saw the Egos. "What… what are you doing here?” Wiishu asked, confused. “Did Marvin lose his wand again?”   "No,“ Chase responded, as Marvin coughed indignantly. "We just needed to ask Sean a couple questions.”   Wiishu leaned against the wall, smiling endearingly. “Oh! Yeah, go ahead. He’s on his computer right now, looking up drum kits. He’ll be glad for the interruption.”   Thanking her, the four Egos walked towards the room of their creator as Signe moved around to water the plants. Knocking on the door, Chase heard Sean say, “Come in!”   As he opened the door, he saw Sean scrolling through Amazon, looking through drum kit after drum kit. “Dude, I totally wanna learn to play that for my kids,” Chase commented, smiling as Sean spun around in shock. The other Egos crept in after Chase.   Sean’s face broke into a grin. “Oh, hey guys! You never come up here. What’s going on?”   "Vell-“ Shneeple started importantly, but before he could finish his sentence, Jackaboy Man threw himself at Sean’s feet and began to sob.   Sean narrowed his eyes at the three Egos. "What did you three do to him?”   Marvin raised his hands in self-defense, while the doctor scoffed in embarrassment. “We just wanted to know what his real name was. We all have last names,” Chase explained, the slightest bit of color filling his cheeks.   "What’s my real name, Sean? I need to know! I need to know what my secret identity is!“ Jackaboy Man wailed, hugging Sean’s legs.   Bending down to fix the superhero’s hood which had gotten messed up in Jackie’s position, Sean smiled affectionately. "Jackie, you don’t have a secret identity. That’s what’s awesome about you. You’re all superhero, all the time!”   Jackaboy looked up hopefully. “Really?”    "Really.“ Sean smiled down at him. The other Egos sighed in disappointment. "Besides, I don’t think Anti has a last name either. At least, I don’t know it,” the creator commented thoughtfully, leaning back in his chair.   All four Egos looked at each other.

   "Anti!“   "Bro, dude!”   "Mr. Anti!“   "Guys, shut up! You don’t actually want him to hear us, do you?”   The good doctor raced towards Anti’s room with Chase, Marvin and Jackie following close behind. Banging open the door, Schneep barged in, trying to locate the glitch demon. Chase bumped into him as the doctor looked around, realizing that Anti wasn’t there.    "I always tell you guys, he’s never in his room,“ Marvin informed them dejectedly.    "Well, how else would I scare you?” A voice in their ears sounded, making them all jump. Anti materialized behind them, holding a shaking Jackaboy by the fabric of his onesie. “Catch a tiger by the toe,” Anti giggled, releasing Jackie and throwing him towards the bed. The superhero stopped himself mid-throw and hovered there, squeaking in fear.   Marvin shrunk back, passing his tongue over his lips in distaste. The doctor turned and pushed past Chase, strutting up to eye the Ego in the face. “Anti, boy, vhat is your last name?”   Anti’s smile melted into a look of uncertain anger. “…what?”   Chase moved to stand next to the doctor. “Dude, all of us have last names except for Jackaboy Man, and that’s cause he’s a super hero. So what’s yours?”   Anti’s grip on his enormous knife tightened. “I don’t have one. And even if I did, I wouldn’t share it with the likes of you.”   "Oh, come on bro! We’re friends!“ Chase appealed.   "Do you have a d̗͈̣̜͈͒̀̈͑̔̏̃ę̣͎̀̆̇̊̂͢͜͝ả̙̟͈̆͂̉́̑͟͢͡ț̢̮̣̇͌̈́̓͐̀̑̐̇ͅh̵̛͚͉̜͔͚̔͗͗̐͋̈́ w̜̮̥͈̯̣͑̊̇̏͠i̡̨̯͉̪̹̰͙̱̓̈̍̂̎͊̊̉͟ş̷̛̘̖̺̬͕̠̲͗̏́͞ḩ̶̢̤̬̞̗̳̼̲̃͆̎̾̎̎̐͟?̜̗͉͖̃̀́̒͂̄̄̕͟?” Anti snapped, eyes narrowing and shooting daggers. “Besides, Jack doesn’t have a last name either!”   The good doctor waved a hand dismissively. “His name ees Jack Septiceye.”   "Then so is mine,“ Anti gestured with his knife. "Happy?”   Chase sighed in disappointment. “Not really.”   "Yeah, what kind of last name is that?“ Marvin piped up behind the two.   Anti’s head whipped to address at the magician, staring at him unnervingly. "What kind of last name is ‘The Magnificent?’”   Marvin gasped and put a hand to his chest as Chase rolled his eyes. “Come on, everyone, we got what we came for.” He started to lead the part out of the room.   "Watch your back, Brody, and stop bothering me with these trivial things. You don’t want to see what I’m capable of,“ Anti murmured threateningly, his knife moving frighteningly close to Chase’s neck.    Nodding in hasty agreement, Chase managed a smile. "Thanks for your help, though.”   The next moment he found himself outside the room, the door slamming in his face. Laughing, he turned and saw Marvin beckoning him to play cards at the living room table. Today was a good day, Chase thought as he walked over to join the other Egos.

[fantasyimmortal]

Soooo I started day 7 and had a writing itch I needed to scratch... So here is a new fic... then back to crafting lol

The title I have it as now is It’s Not Just a Game

               I grit my teeth as I looked at the screen of my laptop. “No traces yet…” I sighed as I reread, for the umpteenth time, the RFA logs I had saved. It had been a year since my brother had rushed in and saved myself, Rika and…V.

               I slammed my fist on the table. If it wasn’t for V she would still be with me. She promised to stay with me and even after everything. She was going to drink the elixir and was going be happy with me. I was going to be happy, but that would’ve been a lie.

               It was only after my brother had saved me that I realized Rika had given us the elixir to manipulate and mold us as she saw fit. There was no real happiness in that paradise. It was all an illusion. A mixture of lies and hallucinogenic drugs. Drugs that made you feel like a darkness lingered inside you. It was the perfect formula to fulfil Rika’s best laid plans.

               Rika had liked her. Though, even now, I was unsure of just how much she liked her. Those last few days I hardly saw her, she was plucked away from me. My happiness was plucked away. I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes tightly as I sighed again. I still remembered her voice and her smile. I pressed my hand to my chest and rubbed it roughly. Tsk. It really hurts…

               I opened my eyes slowly and looked back at the laptop. There was no sign of activity at any of the sister locations of Mint Eye. No electricity. No movement. No nothing. It didn’t make sense. Rika, as far as I knew, had her drink from that second batch of elixir I had prepared special. If she really did drink it then whatever followers were left would’ve done anything to make sure she escaped if it meant the Savior would be happy.

               I was sure I knew everything. I knew where every sister location was. Every algorithm used was my creation so I would know if anything was used. My gaze shot to the door as I heard Saeyoung walk into the bunker. I gripped the top of my laptop, turning the screen away from his always-prying eyes. “Go away.”

               His head tilted to the side as he put one of those horrid tasting chips into his mouth. “Aww but I just got here.” His eyes darted between myself and the computer. “Whatcha doing~?”

               “Nothing.” I slammed the lap top closed as he walked closer.

               He pouted dramatically as he looked at me. “Doesn’t look like nothing.”

               “Gardening tips.” I told him flatly.

                I rolled my eyes at him as his widened with curiosity. “We’re planting a garden?” He asked excitedly.

               “No.” I stood up and gathered my things, preparing to go to my room. “We aren’t. Ugh! What the fuck do you want?” I glared at him as he grabbed my arm when I walked past him.

               “Why won’t you tell me what you were really looking at?”

               I wrenched my arm free from his grasp. “Because you’ll get fucking nosy, and will be biting at my heels like a lost puppy.”

               He frowned and let out a whimper. “It’s only because I care about you.”

               “Yeah!” I growled at him before I sighed and slumped my shoulders. “Well…I care about something too. Shouldn’t you be getting ready to go to that RFA party thing?” I cocked an eyebrow as he looked up at the ceiling.

               “Oh right…That is tonight isn’t it?” He laughed as he shoved a hand in his pocket. He reached up with his free hand and played with the cord of the headphones resting on his neck. “You know. You are part of the RFA now too…”

               “I’m not going.” I turned away from him and began walking to my room once more. I twitched angrily as I heard him follow me.

               “You should go. I know tensions are still high after everything but you need to face things in order to heal wounds.”

               Spinning on my heels, I faced him. “Like you faced things when you up and left! You’re one to talk about facing things! Get off me!” I struggled against him as he suddenly hugged me.

               “What I did was a mistake. One I don’t want to make again. I know I have a lot to make up for. If you need help I want to help. Please brother.” He pleaded as his arms tightened around me.

               I looked away. There was no way he was going to leave me alone if I didn’t give something to appease some of his curiosity. “As of now I don’t need help. But…that doesn’t mean I won’t need it…” Vague, but hopefully it will do for now.

               He bounced back and clapped happily. “Yay we’re bonding!”

               My lip curled up in disgust while I watched him. What the fuck is wrong with him?! He switched back to his serious mode and pushed his glasses up his nose. He cleared his throat and steadily looked at me. “In all seriousness I believe you should come to the party tonight. Like I said, tensions may still be high even though it’s been a year, but we’re all family.” He turned, held up his hand, and waved it slightly as he walked back down the hallway.

               I opened the door to my room and tossed my things on the bed. “Family.” I whispered against the silent walls. Family was such a simple word, but it had a heavy emotional meaning. It could either hold serenity of your happiness or the crushing weight of your despair. Black or white, not much room for a gray area.

               I slumped into my desk chair and covered my face with my hands. I felt happy with her, and it wasn’t because of the drugs. I missed her and not being able to see her at all was hurting me more than I was letting on. I spread my fingers and looked at the closed laptop from between them. I had proven I was better than my brother. I was the best, he wouldn’t have found out anything without someone’s help. Though, if that was the case… “Why can’t I find you, _____?”

                 A few hours later I was standing in the venue hosting the current RFA party. I had thought that getting out of the bunker would clear my thoughts. If I could clear my head I could go back and look at all the information I had with fresh eyes. However, instead of my head clearing, it was becoming clouded with frustration as well as the pain that accompanied a headache.

               Who the fuck invited all these people?! I leaned against the wall in the corner, as per usual when I came to these things. I crossed my arms and watched as the guests talked happily with the members of the RFA. Would your party have been like this, ____? I huffed as I rolled my shoulders. Even after a year she occupied majority of my thoughts.

               I looked out the window, watching the sun set as my mind raced with different scenarios. Rika had wanted to expand her grip on the world. Wanted to engulf it in her vision of paradise. If she had liked _____ as much as I think she did, she had to have been molding her to carry on her work elsewhere.

               My fingers dug into the fabric of my suit. It was the only logical reasoning I had. Which meant I had to find her and save her from the illusionistic hell she was in and was no longer was able to realize it. I was uneasy about letting her meet Rika. At the time she was my savior but I never should’ve let her meet _____. “That was my fault.”

               “What was your fault?”

               I turned slightly and saw Zen looking me up and down. “Go away, albino.”

               His shoulders squared and he held his hand delicately to his mouth. “Oh, I understand that jealousy of my good looks is natural but are those words really necessary?”

               I scoffed at him. “If you’re practicing for a roll, take it elsewhere. I don’t have time for this.”

               “Is that right. And what has you so busy?”

               “Jesus! Are all of you so fucking nosy? You don’t need to know everything.” I pushed myself away from the wall.

               “That goes for you, too.”

               I had heard him as I stormed off but couldn’t care any less. I was a hacker. I had to know everything. “Fucking idiotic albino! What information does an actor need?” I barged out of the entrance to the venue. I breathed in deeply as the wall of cool night air hit me. “You need to know nothing!” I sneered over my shoulder to no one in particular.

               I pulled out my smartphone and smirked to myself. Saeyoung had thought he deleted everything that had happened in the messenger, but I was the best! I kept some of the files. The ones that he couldn’t delete. The ones of just me and her.

               My brows furrowed as my phone began to vibrate. The screen suddenly began to glitch, exactly like when I would hack the system. My eyes widened when a chat bubble appeared on my screen.

“Tag. You’re it, Ray.”

[tracelii]

“Just do one last thing: Kiss me.” Platonic Elan/Super Sleuths :eyes:

“Oh shit.”

If there was one thing the void hated, it was beinginterrupted, and Elsa, tonight in the void, had done just that.

Ian’s head had turned slowly, but Ian was not in control.Instead, his eyes flickered and the image of static showed it their place. Thetv he was supposed to be watching now had static in it’s image as well, andElsa awkwardly held the broken tele knob in her fingers before she quicklystarted to put it back. She was sitting on the floor, and she scooted in closeto the television to reach it.

“Uh!!! Hold on there, partner, Um… just hold on, it’s fine,I’m sure it’s fine!!” She kept pressing the knob where it had broken off of butit would not willingly stay in place. She was fucked now. She was fucked now, man.

Ian was like, this precious prisoner of the void every nightas he slept. Usually he could appease them, and keep them off of his back bysimply watching and commentating over whatever weird video they decided to showhim that night. The void, whoever they were, seemed to like this very much.

“Ian--- Hey—Just--- tell your buddies to back off a second,I think I can put it back.” But every second she spent fiddling with the brokenknob, the void settled into comfortably controlling Ian’s form, adjusting endlesslyhow his fingers bent or how his head tilted.

What the void didn’t like as much, was Elsa now coming withIan into the void every night, no matter how much she stayed out the way. Elsawas here ‘for her safety’, however. Someone was after Elsa on the outside, inthe real world, and the only way she could ‘escape’, so to say, and to let herbody sleep at night, was to be here, with Ian, in the void.

The thing that didn’t change was his terrifying blankexpression, but Ian suddenly lifted off the couch, getting (or more likeglitching) to his feet. Elsa dropped the knob, a little startled with hissudden moment, and sort of lunged to the side when the voided Ian made a grabfor her.

“Hey now!” Elsa said, a little annoyed. “Don’t I have enoughpeople trying to kill me? Cant you just, I don’t know, give me a break?” Shelooked at the broken knob. “Okay, that was a pun that was in no wayintentional, and—AhhH!” She slid a few inches as Ian grabbed her ankle andyanked her towards him, the top half of her body nearly hitting the ground inthe process. “Ow, Jesus, that’s a grip!”

Breaking the tele wasn’t even her fault, mostly. She hadbeen sitting besides Ian, and seemed like she could just barely make out whathe was watching though the lines of static only she could fail to comprehend(Ian didn’t seem to be having trouble making out the program at all). All shewent to do was maybe adjust it a little better to get a clearer picture, andpop went the knob, right into her hand. What was barely visible was nowcompletely gone, full fuzzy static left in its place.

Ian’s grip tightened as Elsa turned over, scrambling ontoher stomach. Her free leg kicked out once, catching Ian in his hand and forcinghim to let go. From there, Elsa grasped for grounding, got to her feet, and ranoff into the darkness of the void.

All for absolutely nothing.

Ian appeared, popping into existence, the high-whining ofthe static surrounding him, just a few feet in front of Elsa and held his armsout to grab her once she had slammed into him. Even physical trauma seemed tonot snap him out of this daze, and now he fully, actually had her.

She wasn’t sure what the void would do with her, but it couldn’tbe nice if this is what they could do with Ian. “Hey!! Hey, Um!!” She struggledas Ian carried her closer towards the void’s thoughtful setting of the tv, thecouch, and the plant, and desperately cried out to him-

“Just one last thing-! Kiss me!”

“Elsa what the fuck.”The response was immediate. Ian had stopped walking. Though his eyes still heldnothing but static, his blank expression twisted to pure, undisguised Ian brand™disgust.

“That worked!”

Ian blinked his eyes a few times, and the static had finallycleared, and his arms released her, nearly dropping her to the ground. “Whatthe fuck??? What the fuck.”

“You being gay is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”Elsa said with great relief.

“Never actually talk to me again.”

[thegeminisage]

more botw blogging, SUPER spoilery

this is a real long post sorry normally i break these up and this time i didn’t

and finally, off we go to a new province

this time im making its tower my first stop, since i can see it from here

i tried to paraglide across the river but i didn't have enough height so i landed on the cliffside and ITS RAINING!!!!! for fucks sake

i cant believe this game actually got me to hate rain..........

not only that but when i died in the water it didn't reload me back to where i started to glide from but a bit of cliff i stood on lol so #struggles right from the first minute

rain for the next 3 hours.......and i gotta climb it in the rain....jesus

i guess i could fast travel but i'd have to walk all the way back there :/

hmm. maybe the gae's throwing me the rain on purpose. an npc mentioned this river was notoriously difficult to cross :///

yep as soon as i turned away: it cleared. Great

well i see some bridge-like things further downstream i guess i'll check that out

lol jk i managed to glide across a different part and climb

like i saw my forecast change but then it changed back to sun so w/e i'll take it im up here now

aaaaah i can see so many cool things from here!!!!! i cant wait to explore them all!!!! that #new province feel

i hate like, feeling obligated to track down every last bit of stuff in the old ones when you're seeing new exciting stuff

but i love the feel of getting to a new one and not even knowing which cool thing to check out first

ohhh my god lol there's a big-ass bokoblin camp on the way to the tower i think i see a moblin but im not sure

aaaand im dead

at least there werernt any moblins!

tbh it isnt a difficult camp i just wasnt vigilant about healing

me every time i see something new: what the Fuck is that!?

in this case it was an ice wizzrobe which made it snow EVERYWHERE oh my god

That Was Difficult

if i didn't have my fire arrows and lynel bow it would have taken way longer

i died again!!!

those weird pattern bokoblins have SO much attack power ):

come on i have to clear out the camp AGAIN? and kill the wizzrobe?

naw dude i am skipping this nonsense i am going straight up the fucking cliff

HA i sniped them from above >:3

w

there's a zora on top of this tower!!!!!!!

omg poor thing he can't get back down i wish i could carry him on my paraglider

man i love the tower cutscenes and music and the way they unfold it's so cool

BIG SHINY NEW PROVINCE YYYYEAH!!!!

oh hey i found another zora down near these bridges

they all want me to go see their prince haha noooo i have too much to explore!!!

oooh it's so easy to get all turned around on these bridge thingies

man i love this province it's SO pretty

ah i found a goron on a sandbar!! how did you get out here with all this water...

nooo the blood moon again i knew it was coming the music has been funny all night >:(

lol jk the music faked me out its 2am and i warped to the stable for nothing (i was trying to get that one dude's reaction)

i came back and did the shrine and found another zora!! lol they all really want me to go see that dude

there's a thing i need to climb but ugh rain

while i was bored i chopped grass and attached octo balloons to things

now i am in the wetlands which are AWFUL to walk through i can practically feel the mud squishing between my toes and i want to die lmao

there are horses here!! i miss mine ):

ive done enough shrines now to get another upgrade but i dont feel like doing all that backtracking blegh

oh noooo i see a guardian out here, a moving one ;_;

ah it's been awhile since i failed to fight the still ones on the plateau...i wonder what the start screen meant by "the right tools" ive got a lot of damn tools!! did they mean arrows??

lol yet another zora telling me to meet with the prince.........dude

this prince must be either desperate or spoiled

uh

okay maybe its a glitch but i think?? i see?? a flying island in the distance? What The Fuck

wait no it looks kind of like a ship or giant bird??

my pins don't stick to it, it's definitely moving around

jesus fuck

AHAHAH FUCK THE GUARDIAN SAW ME

HAD TO TAKE REFUSE IN THE FUCKING SHRINE

jesus christ i hate those things!!!! you can't kill them!!!!!!!

NO oh my god there's a hinox over here too

why this Why This

lol the hinox fighting music is giving me trauma flashbacks

actually that wasnt so bad with a defense elixir on

maybe it's just me but this province feels kinda small? i feel like i could finish exploring it p quickly, which is nice

not that i'm not having fun but i know i'm going so slowly ):

me every five seconds: i miss my hooorse i want one to ride around to go faaaaster

i guess...i could catch...one of these

and like. not register it bc the stable is 10000 miles away but

a temp ride. let's see if i can. need to use up some of my sneak potions anyways

i caught one and rode it awhile, but my heart's not in training it...i want My Horse

oh my god wait i hear town music!! is this a stable right here!! AAAAAH

so i did catch a pretty black one and named it luna - had to let the first one i caught go lol but it didn't have great stats and i only rode it once so it'll be happier in the wild probably

KASS IS AT THIS STABLE IM SO HAPPY SO IS HESTU

he's playing epona's song i'm gonna CRY

I MISS EPONA IM DYING

oh my god he had a story for me!! the same one that impa told!!!!! man

the music is still so good. fuck.

lmao i was talking to one dude and he was like well might as well head back inside ugh that place is so filthy and the women so free you might as well call it a manfill

UM?? NINTENDO??

i can see hyrule castle super close from where i am and it looks super scary and i super want nothing to do with it rn

i get the feeling you can like, go in there whenever? maybe even do the endgame stuff early? but oh my god i Dont wanna

OMG i just mounted a bear

i read that you could ride things other than horses but holy shit lmao

i mean

it killed me after i got off, but man

sadly i must now board my horse and continue with The Story see i explored the non-story bits of that province SUPER quickly dang

oh no

this shrine is called a minor test of strength

Oh No

Why, God

oh. that was actually like SUPER easy compared to the other two haha phew

this lady at the crossroads said the prince was creepy omg i knew there was something, ahaha, excuse me, "fishy"

whoa i love his music theme!!

lmao i always get so SHOCKED when they talk!!! even still!!!!!

voice acted cutscenes of this game are like fmvs of final fantasy games in generations 5-7 lol

oh my god...the wink/sparkle thing...he's such a HAM

he's flattering me TOO much omg dude what do you want.......

ok, ok, i like him

he doesn't seem very trustworthy but since his people are in trouble i'll cut him some slack on that one

oh nooo i gotta climb this in the rain......

ah, it's sunshowering tho! that's kinda neat

i just got attacked by octoroks and my heart wept a little because traveling up zora's river dodging octoroks to get to and save zora's domain...I've Been Here Before

listen, i could write a book on this

(lol i did write 300k on this but shhh that was a long time ago)

like...if link is actually a reincarnation does he get flashes of memory

oot happened in every timeline but i know wind waker didn't

but do you think assuming this is in the same timeline as wind waker something in him feels at home the first time he sails a raft again

or hears kass play epona's song at the ranch

or ducks an octorok on his way to zora's domain

people treat the incarnation thing as a kind of tragedy - the world will never be free of evil so long as ganon/ganondorf exists

but maybe there's happiness in it too

no matter what happens, no matter how sad the ending - i mean hell, in this very game, link and zelda LOST

no matter what though, it's guaranteed that they'll see each other again

over and over and over without end, link and zelda are gonna meet and be together for awhile while they defend hyrule again

frankly if that's not a soulmate idk what is

and frankly i'm perpetually offended that they don't develop ganondorf the man more like they did in wind waker...that was the Peak tbqh

i would kill for something like that again

anyway

i love how present the current here is, like with the stuff floating down the river, thats a NICE touch

tbh it's actually really nice that he keeps uselessly checking on me on the way up the river

like, i've been so lonely

even now i miss my companion going "what's WITH that guy" like they probably would if i had one

so this is nice. tbh.

i know it was probably a deliberate choice and makes the game stronger but a companion for this game, someone to share it with...that would've been cool

even just zelda as the protag, she could do some internal narration

but the whole thing is just so quiet.

this place is so pretty tho?? in the distance i see these like, pink coral looking plant things, and the blue columns and bridges are gorgeous

OH NO LIGHTNING GOD WHY

i think its an area thing too i cant just wait it out lmao im gonna Die

oh jk it's just rain now

idk why my entire forcecast changes to a particular type of weather and its only like that a few seconds...super weird and annoying

lol sidon all "you're almost halfway there i believe in you!!" and not helping fight and link's little "k" wave

i love link as a silent protag even if i did have him talk in my writing like it's so endearing

i wonder if link is like sgr like "i am 100 years old what is this zora kid even doing. what is he EVEN DOING."

lol just had to dodge some rocks rollin down a hill

you see this is what i mean. there's a weird sense of familiarity and nostalgia if you've played the games a lot. i wonder if the spirit of the hero feels that way with each new adventure, too

like if he's okay doomed to an eternity of fighting and parting with zelda over and over

because in the end he always gets to do this again

like i can see the spirit of the princess/goddess being high key miserable about those circumstances but i wonder if the spirit of the hero is maybe secretly glad

because part of him will always yearn for the next adventure

he never COULD be happy settling because this is what he was born for

WE love doing this again and again and again, maybe it's not such a stretch to think the spirit of the hero does too

or maybe i'm projecting so hard onto him because undertale has so successfully blurred the line between the player and the game for me LMAO

oh man i just noticed all the names on this map

lulu, mikau ;_;

i miss them!!!!

just once i wish zelda games would feature the same side characters in two or three titles

we never got to see saria or darunia or lulu again

we get to come back to the world but every friend we've ever made has been gone

like some narnia shit i swear to god

lol this is why i should never do story all i do is rant about My Zelda Feels, which are literally endless

oh NICE battle with a blue moblin on the bridge!!!!

ah i like the zora history here too please give me all the worldbuilding i wanna know everything about this world that i can bc rn all i know is "we got Fucked"

i guess i also know about the automans but i need More

i say, while procrastinating on getting to the story

in other news i have an ice and lightning rod which i havent bothered trying to use

bc when i tried to use the boomerang i failed utterly lol

but these? holy shit dude these are Powerful when you actually land a magic hit like Dang

i Love them im never avoiding another wizzrobe again (thats where they drop from)

oh wow

i finally made it, and

man. oh man. it's so beautiful

i wish i could see if better

jesus the zoras always had the prettiest parts of the games imo

OH NO THE MUSIC

OH NO!!! im gonna cry omg

it's the same melody from oot i think!! oh my god!!!!!!

omg there's a zora here named rivan who says he knows me?!?!

omg no he's listing some of link's old pals from Before im so sad why can't he remember

OOOH i shouldn't speak to the elderly bc apparently i am "guilty" of something?? i love this development PLEASE tell me more

i love that they all age so slowly #nice

am i walking into a fucking execution lmao sidon don't play me......

omg the little zora kids are adorable!!!

omg there's a statue of the zora champion ;_;

man this is all so cool i wanna know EVERYTHING about what happened back then!!!!

lol the shrine here was SUPER nerve wracking god you had to like, roll the giant ball down a hill and stop time at JUST the right moment skjghf

oh my gosh ANOTHER zora who knows me (lol "linny")

im so ;w; they all know me!!!!!!

i slept on the blissful water bed at the inn and was mystified and alarmed by the sound effects but i got an extra stamina wheel and 3 extra hearts!!! god damn you can't beat that shit

im so amazed at how many people knew link and like, blame him? i wanna know so bad what happened, i wanna know more about mipha

ten bucks says she's still alive and like trapped in the divine beast but corrupted

or a ghost or something like the old man ;_;

aww zoras sleep in the water aw aw :3

i'm loving this theme of link sleeping for so long like at first i thought of sgr but i just realized it's also like oot (and i can't believe i didn't make that connection first...)

like in oot the people who knew him Before are so happy to see him again and are sure he can help them

but in this game it's a bit mixed

and in this game we don't know the details of 100 years ago yet ;_;

zora's domain here is like. so GLOWY. reminds me of waterfall from undertale tbh lol i wanna paint it

so i'm talking to the king and this one elderly zora goes "the hylians abused an ancient society's power to turn hyrule into what it is today" & like...tbh my dude you have a point. if they had never gotten those guardians out then they couldn't have turned on them

oh my GOD

i just got my first look at a divine beast and i can't believe i was calling them jaegers

my jaw dropped irl holy shit

like that thing truly looks both divine and beastly (this one is an elephant)

is mipha still in there as like a ghost ;_;

it's so clear how much everyone misses her

and she seemed so sweet in the one short memory i recovered

every time sidon does his sparkle smile i love him a little more

i didn't trust him at first bc he seemed a little too eager but now i see he's just doing his best!!!!

especially as someone who thinks radically and progressively in a society where elders stay around hundreds of years

YESSSSS I GOT ZORA ARMOR!!!! YES!!!!!!!!

SWIM SPEED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omfg and it's an engagement thing just like the sapphire

MADE BY MIPHA?

thats right that other lady said link was supposed to choose between her and mipha

listen mipha seems cool and all but i've been shipping zelink for 19 years, so

oh NO, mipha had feelings for link

oh no poor mipha...oh my god

WAIT AM I ABOUT TO GET ANOTHER MEMORY??? OH MY GOD!!!!!

duuuuuude

"no matter how bad the wound i will ALWAYS" heal you and then link wakes up in water

did she do that!!! did she save him ;_; oh my god im going to cry

"you are quivering like a hatchling" PLEASE protect my poor son

muzu is making me sad dude he misses her so much and he hates this so much

ooooh i have to fight another lynel for shock arrows...good Lord im not looking forward to that

I KNEW IT

"calamity ganon took control of the beasts and trapped the champions inside" yep either she's still alive like link and zelda or her body is in there and so is her fucking ghost

DUDE!! i just swam up my first waterfall and it was AWESOME!!!!!

so im at shatterback point now hwere lynel is just bc i wanted to swim up a waterfall but probably he will kill me quickly lmao

apparently you can mount him too which. sick.

but idk i dont have any good food or elixirs or weapons ready im just up here for science im probably gonna knock off soon i gotta Draw

Oh Fuck There He Is ):

it's super tedious to have top go back and delete every fucking picture i take for my copendium one by one those shouldn't save in my album automatically come on dude im trying to take a picture of this lion centaur thing here

aaah there's a rainbow here too #nice

ah well got him about a quarter pf the way down before i died :/ not bad for being completely unprepared

tbh i only had one defense food?? had i had more i could have whittled him down eventually

anyway thats all for tonight!! i doubt i'll play anymore tonight bc i have drawing to do

lol this is a long post but it's all in one bc i'm typing them in notepad now and don't have to worry about them getting too long