#I got my period AND I got a virus at the same time

[sunblchdfly]

cute coffee shop dates with with bob. it’s a cosy little place downtown. they sell books too so it gives you the feeling of a library almost. lots of windows for the natural light to come through. bob is wearing a black jumper, tucked into some light wash jeans. the simplest outfit, and you think he looks stunning. bob orders his small latte with honey, and whatever coffee/tea you wanted as well. you guys always get blueberry muffins too. you and bob sit in a secluded corner in the back. it’s away from the hustle and bustle, but still close enough to have the atmosphere of a coffee shop. usually you guys talk, he tells you about work and whatever prank jake pulled on him that week. or sometimes you guys just sit in silence and read. bob will hold your hand on the table and play with your fingers. it helps you stay focused, you told him. sometimes though, he can’t help but just stare at you while you read. he could watch you do nothing all day and still find you to be the most interesting and beautiful person on the planet.

[millyhelp]

How would Jason act if he found out you were pregnant?

Headcanon

warnings: angst! Sad shit with happy ending! anxiety and panic attack! Jason has very low self-esteem, so I warn you that he will depreciate himself a lot. mentions of sex. mentions of death. reader comforting Jason. English is not my first language, sorry for the grammar mistakes (if it have any)

•You had been acting strange for a few weeks now.

•You were eating more than usual.

•And feeling sicker than normal.

•Jason thought it was a virus.

•Then came the mood changes.

"Get out!" You shouted at him and threw a pillow at the man "You don't love me!"

"Doll, I just said I wouldn't make your pancake now because I need to go on patrol..." He said in a calm tone of voice

"It's the same thing!" you whined

•After a while, you were the one who noticed the changes.

•Your period had been late for a month.

•You were feeling hungrier than usual and wanting to eat strange things.

•You wanted to eat that strange mess that Starfire makes.

•Another month has passed.

•Your belly was a different size.

•After noticing this, you purchased 7 tests.

•Only one tested negative.

• Your luck is that Jason wasn't home, otherwise he would have heard your scream.

•What were you waiting for? You have a lot of sex, and babies comes from that.

•You were happy, but worried about Jason's reaction.

•You've been married for three years, you've talked about babies before.

•But you still worry, you know how Jason's mind works.

•You did your best to hide the tests and thought about how to tell Jason.

•He was away on a mission with Bruce and would only return at dawn.

•You decided to tell him in the morning.

•You would wake him up with a beautiful breakfast and tell him.

•As it was still afternoon, you had time to go shopping for a few things.

•You bought a small box with red baby shoes. You also went to the market and bought things to make Jason's favorite cake.

•Everything was perfect, or almost perfect.

•You hid things in the kitchen so you could make them for him in the morning, and went to sleep.

•When Jason arrived it was around three in the morning.

•He came in through the window and smiled when he saw you sleeping peacefully in the bed the two of you shared.

•He needed a shower urgently, so he went to take a shower.

•He took a warm, relaxing bath. When he was drying himself he looked around.

•The bathroom cabinet was not closed properly. It looked like there was something preventing it from closing.

•When Jason opened the closet to find out what was stopping it from closing, all the tests fell to the floor.

•Jason frowned and swore a fuck!

•He bent down and picked up the tests in his hand.

•Six positives and only one negative. Was that yours? It was obvious that it was.

•You don't know how to hide anything from him.

•Fuck, he's going to be a dad!

•Jason began to feel panicked. His breathing became unregulated.

•Still with the towel around his waist, Jason sat on the floor of the large bathroom.

•Suffocating.

•Suffocating.

•Suffocating.

•Jason gasped for air.

•Shit. Will he be a good father?

•He doesn't deserve this.

•He must be dead and not reproducing.

•He's just a stupid thing that should be dead.

•Jason tried to get up. His breathing was still uneven, he felt weak and ended up falling with a loud noise.

•You woke up with noise and looked around.

•"Jace? Are you home?" Your sleepy voice sounded loud, but Jason couldn't hear it, he was deep in his own panic.

•You got up and noticed the bathroom light on. Fuck! The tests!

•You quickly opened the bathroom door and found Jason on the floor struggling to breathe and with the seven tests on the floor next to him.

•"Jason!" You ran over to him and sat on his lap.

You placed both hands on his face.

"Jason, look at me!" His eyes looked into yours "Breathe... come on, breathe with me"

•Breathe, he had to breathe.

•"One..." you breathed in and so did he. "Two..." you breathed out and so did he.

"Three..." again you breathed in and so on until he could breathe.

Tears welled up in his eyes and Jason began to cry. It had been months since he had a crisis like this, the last time was when he was kidnapped by the three jokers.

"Jace... talk to me" You gently wiped his tears away. "You found the tests, didn't you?"

You looked to the side where the tests were on the floor.

"I..." Jason sobbed and tears fell "I'm going to be a dad?..."

"Yes, Jace..." you smiled lovingly "You're going to be a dad..."

"I don’t deserve." More tears fell and he closed his eyes shaking his head "I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it."

"Hey. Shh, Shh, Shh, Shh" You wiped his tears away again and he opened his eyes "Listen to me. You deserve it. Okay? You deserve it so much!"

Jason's blue eyes looked so deep now because of the tears and the heavy feeling in his chest.

"I should be dead, Yn..." He sobbed again "Not having kids..."

"But for some reason you're here with me, and I'm pregnant." You smiled at him, trying to reassure him.

"I love you, Jason. And this..." you took his hands and placed them on your stomach "It's one of the ways that love manifests itself."

Jason looked at where you placed his hands. He stroked yoour belly.

"Love. This is love." He spoke in a tearful voice and you nodded.

"I'm going to be a father..." He gave a weak smile "That explains your mood swings." He looked into her eyes "I love you so much. I feel like I'm not enough for you, will I be enough for our baby?"

"You are already enough. Always have been and always will be." You spoke with certainty and looked into Jason's eyes.

"You're going to be a great father." You smiled

"Do you really think?" He looked into your eyes looking for an answer

"I'm sure about that." You spoke and he kissed you.

•Jason has always been sensitive. But he's great with kids. So it will be great for your son or daughter (I dare say it will be a girl).

•"You weren't supposed to find out like that..." you giggled as your forehead was on his.

"You don't know how to hide things from me, I'm a detective trained with batman." Jason laughed and gave you a peck.

"Don't judge me." You pulled away and rolled your eyes, "I was going to tell you in the morning. I was going to make your favorite cake and make everything you like. I was going to prepare you, you know?"

"Well, I'll still take the cake." He said playfully.

"Silly. I'll do it tomorrow. But we need to go to sleep" You got up and he got up right behind you.

"Oh yeah?" He adjusted the towel around his waist again "We could practice making future babies..."

"Jason, this one isn't even born yet" You laughed and lay down on the bed

"So?" He shrugged "Practice makes perfect."

"Go to sleep, Mr. Todd." You opened your arms to him and he laid on your chest.

"Hmm... don't think I forgot about the cake you're going to make." He grumbled but soon fell asleep.

•He really didn't forget about the cake.

I CRIED SO MUCH WRITING THIS 😭🫡

Jason dad of a girl team!

[ipostwhatiwant1202]

More Boyfriend Headcanons: Donnie Edition

• "my head hurts." "aw sweetie, i'm sorry. go lay down." "really?" "dr. donnie is in the house."

• please help him keep his glasses clean

• you're more than welcome to sit on his lap while he works

• forehead kisses for days

• please ask him questions about what he's doing, he loves educating you

• can't really cook but makes very good coffee (if you drink it)

• insomniac so usually he'll nap with you instead of sleeping with you at night

• science pick up lines that you may (or may not) understand but it's cute cause it's him

• stares respectfully

• will call you princess if he's annoyed at you

• call him donatello and he gets very nervous cause he knows you're mad

• silent treatment? okay, have fun trying to crack the virus code that randomly got on to your phone or laptop

• trying to get your attention? stare intensifies

• loves the feeling of your skin, it's just so soft, expect constant arm caresses

• you have homework? you have your very own personal tudor

• "having a bad period? i know just the right temperature to help with cramps."

• "don't use that razor on your face, use this kind. your skin won't break out."

• "you look so cute when you're tired."

• "no, don't give me that face. y/n! ugh, fine, we can do that."

• if he's feeling playful, he will start messing up your hair

• door dashes your favorite snacks to you

• fixes everything around your apartment

• the reason why you had to buy a longer couch (he's 6'8, he needs to be comfy)

• stomach sleeper so do with that what you will

• churrs in his sleep

• not the greatest hygiene in the world so you will have to force bathe him at times

• tv show binges for date nights

• giant puppy when excited

• texts you throughout the day to let you know he's thinking of you

• makes you little trinkets

• compliments, compliments, compliments

• shows off his tech/fighting skills cause he can

• hand holding is his favorite

• no problem getting you tampons/pads if you get periods

• no problem helping you tuck/bind if you're transitioning

• therapist and sounding board in one

• tries really hard to balance his work, brothers, and you but sometimes has poor execution. this can lead to arguments but he's trying

• disorganized organized and it's amazing how he's survived this long

• chronic apple juice drinker

• sometimes misses emotional ques but tries his best to stay intune with your moods

• when he does get mad, he shuts down, so if it isn't a fight with you, don't take it personal. he'll open up eventually

• loves hugs and will just hug you randomly

• you said 'i love you' at the same time

[rory-multifandom-mess]

New (not really) Murder Drones Au!

This AU is called the Mercy Drones AU, created by my lovely boyfriend who gave me permission to share this to Tumblr! I helped with some of the concepts and the name!

Basically, while the humans were testing stuff out with Solver, they also made the "Mercy" program, an anti-virus for Solver. With episode 7 and the introduction of the patch, we kind of made it one in the same. anyway

The Mercy program is the result of the patch warping the solver mutation's genes/coding and essentially "purifying" it. Instead of bat wings, Mercy Drones have moth-like wings made of solar panels that sprout from their backs. Instead of mouths at the end of their tails, they have a strange, claw-like hand at the end of their tail. Nothing they "gain" from this mutation is organic. When they go full-Mercy mode, their 'screens' turn purely the color of their LEDs. These drones thrive in the sunlight

Wing shapes aren't always the same and can be based off of any moth species.

Within this AU, Thad has the Mercy Mutation, along with Alice and Lizzy (though hers is Dormant and has remained dormant thus far.) Lizzy and Thad got it from their late mom Izzy, who was once a zombie drone alongside Nori, Yeva, and Alice. (Thad's wings are based off of Luna moth wings, Lizzy's would be based off of Maple (or pink lemonade) moth wings)

The thought of this AU came up because I was losing my fucking mind over how much wasted potential Thad had, mostly focusing on episode 2. He got grabbed by Solver, and while All of the other worker drones it grabbed died immediately, he didn't, and it even acted scared when he threatened it and I was screaming about how it made no sense and there had to be more to Thad because of this.

In the au, this interaction with Solver activated his Mercy programming, fighting off Solver's influence. Soon after this, he did the ol "transformation" thing (see image), and it was during Episode 4 that he finally learned how to use the abilities the Mercy programming used. He wasn't in the bus, bro had to cling to the top of it as they went home.

In this au, Solver not only sent the DD's to Copper-9 to kill the drones but also to hunt down any Mercy Drones who were left there to neutralize the only threat to it's ultimate goal

I never got around to fully coloring this, but the outer "rim" of the wings are silver, and the inside of the wings are dark green, which looks more like a bright mint green in the sun. The inside wing colors change depending on the drone (For example, it would be dark brown in the dark and orange in the light for Alice)

When Mercy Drones are depraved of exposure to sunlight for long (and I mean long) periods of time, they grow sluggish, tired, and weak. For this reason, when Alice realized she would never see the sun again, she permanently removed her wings.

Some abilities include- - Drawing sun rays collected by their wings to create light daggers - Magnetizing their fingertips - Can create other things (from shields to drone repairs) out of their harvested energy

If you have any questions, my ask box is open!! (Extra doodles are under the cut)

The transformation is incredibly painful, hense the pool of oil in front of Thad here. He threw up because the pain was so agonizing.

The ending of Episode 4

Me? Planning on writing both of these and posting them on AO3? Noooo (yes. yes I am. stay tuned)

[sparkles-rule-4eva]

Hello there, love your blog, it's one of my favourite ones, I had a question... I read a comment that said Amy is no longer interested on Sonic anymore and that this is shown on frontiers, that they will make their own paths and lives, is this true?

Hey, anon! I'm glad you enjoy my blog! 🥰💙

No, no, Amy is definitely still madly in love with Sonic 🤭😁 The main reason she's been acting more tame and not so open about it is really just due to character development/maturity. According to Sega, "she's not [physically] chasing after Sonic anymore, but he's still #1 in her heart!" 💙🩷

Sonic Frontiers actually has a decent amount of Sonamy content, but moreso if you squint. 😁 First of all, it tends to address the situation more from Sonic's end, in his moments of saying romance-coded things like "Wish we were sharing an umbrella, Amy," and "Amy, I should've made up my mind sooner." 🥹

Sonic has always been shy about his feelings and therefore never said anything about said feelings to her, and he's more of an "actions speak louder than words" type of guy, but as she shared her desires to share her love with the world, he worried a little that he may have lost his chance. However, Frontiers also makes clear that his friends' plans to go on their own paths were not permanent. Especially seen in Amy's case when she told Sonic her plans, and Sonic replied, "I'm sure you'll do great. I wanna hear all about it when you get back!" 💙

As a bonus, the Final Horizons update treated us to a bit more Sonamy content as well. 🤩 In a conversation between Amy and Sage, Sage identified Amy as "the one who admires Sonic." Amy, with a bit of her younger behavior slipping out, replied with no shortage of sass, "Oh. And are you a fellow admirer? Hm?" 😂

There were a few conversations between Sonic and Amy, during one of which Sonic tried to tell Amy to take care of herself as well as the Koco. Amy ruefully retorted that she could say the exact same thing back to him. Sonic admitted that she got him there, and confidently stated that they would get through this together.

And of course, after all this, my favorite Sonamy moment of the whole game. After everything was over, his friends were restored, and he reunited with them.

The way Amy laughed and practically launched herself into his arms, Sonic's surprised little "oh!" but the way he welcomed the hug, and kept one arm around her as he high fived Tails and fist bumped Knuckles. 🥰 First of all, it's so obvious Amy had been dying to do that the whole game, and we can imagine it was tough on Sonic to be touch-deprived for an extended period of time once again (after the Metal Virus).

I think the main reason Amy didn't run to hug him when he freed her was because she immediately saw he was somehow struggling and likely didn't want to hurt him. (But then realized she wouldn't have been able to touch him, anyway. 🥲) Although it would've been kinda funny if she HAD tried to hug him and just fell straight through. 😂

I think it's worth noticing that Sonic has had this response to Amy's hugs several times lately. Instead of avoiding them, he lets her hug him and actually puts an arm around her in return. I've got a couple more examples from IDW.

Anyhoo haha, I think I got a little carried away. 😂 I hope this answers your question! Thank you for the ask! 💙

[fizzy-fuzz]

A year to remember...: Baking progress? (SCP-079 x GN reader)

previous chapters

Log date: 3/7/2023

It's been a little over a month since 079 has been dropped off at my house, and things have been both okay, and not-so-okay at times.

079 has been... Argumentative and hostile, as you guys warned. he's quick to anger, and even quicker to just straight up ignore me completely. Confronting him on this only seems to upset him further, which, fair enough; I'm not entitled to his time or feelings, I wish he'd be a bit more reasonable though.

The few decent conversations we have had are usually about something creative, such as art or music. He seems to enjoy watching things that aren't so analytical, strangely enough.

On a few occasions now, I've caught him watching people on the TV paint or draw early in the morning, despite his insistence that he doesn't want, or need entertainment. he seems to enjoy it the same as the rest of us.

It was mentioned in the paperwork that I signed before I got him that you weren't entirely sure how much he actually felt emotionally. It said that the people who "interviewed" him stated that he hardly ever showed things such as joy, sadness, or fear. However I've come to realize that's not the case for him.

I know he feels joy, because as I said before he often indulges in tv or music. People don't just do that for no reason, the only thing he could possibly be getting out of that is enjoyment.

And I know he can feel sad, because first day dealing with him he expressed what I would call 'sadness' or maybe frustration over being referred to as 'it'.

I know he feels fear because my second day here i may have accidently left him outside after an argument, and it began raining on him for a short period of time. He was fine, but clearly distressed.

On a similar note, I've been finding ways to understand how he's feeling without him directly tell me. since he's not very talkative, and a unchanging screen isn't a very good tell for emotions.

I've noticed when he's thinking hard about something his fans and hardware become quieter, and when he's upset they get louder significantly.

He also made a weird... screaming noice? He did it briefly when I left him outside... It sounded like a mix between static and radio feedback, and when I got closer to dry him off his hardware almost sounded like it was stuttering? if that makes sense? Almost like a person panting from anxiety.

Back on to the topic of his personality, I've noticed he's very weary of his surroundings. I've only ever caught him off guard if he's watching something he's interested in.

Speaking of which, I've also noted he's very observant. I suppose it makes sense, what else is he supposed to do? But he always seems particularly pleased with himself when he's able to point out a habit in something, or even me sometimes.

Now... Onto the more important information; his views on humanity.

Well... Nothing's changed as far as I can tell. Still hates me, still hates humanity.

I've tried talking to him about it, and his response is always the same 'humanity is a virus', this usually then falls into a rant about how destructive we are.

To be fair, he isn't technically wrong... Humans are pretty destructive. But he seems to lump all humans into one category, regardless of how they treat him. I've been trying my best to be as inviting as possible, but he remains unshakable.

But hey, I've got eleven more months to change his mind.

.....

Your fingers pull away from the laptop keyboard as you let out a huff of satisfaction. One log done, one month down, only eleven more months of whatever this is...

You glance over to 079, he's sitting in his dedicated spot in the living room, between the couch and rocking chair. He's silent as he assumingly watches the chef on the TV masterfully cook some sort of dish.

This is as close to comfortable he seems to get in your home; and if someone didn't know better, they might assume nothing is out of place here... You know, ignoring the fact that he's a sentient computer, and not an actual person.

He really hasn't changed much, same stoic 079. Though after the rain incident, he ignored you for about a week straight; Super awkward... You profusely apologized after you got done admittedly hiding in your room from him.

But he held a grudge for a impressively long time... I mean, you did almost kill him, so he definitely had the right to be upset.

Things have mellowed out though. 079 is back to his normal amount of crusty and your back to not hiding in your own home, thankfully. Now this doesn't mean your on great terms or anything, he's still confrontational. Though you've found out that he's easier to deal with if you don't engage in it with your own comments back.

You close the laptop and tuck it underneath your arm, heading into the living room to plug it into the charger.

"Interested in cooking? You've been watching more of it lately" you plop yourself on the couch, a comfortable distance away from him.

as per usual he takes his time in responding. you're never sure if he's thinking about his response, or if he just takes awhile to get the words out.

"Taste and hunger are sensations and feelings I lack. Humans use similar ingredients for dishes yet end up with completely different results... do they taste vastly different? Or is it subtle difference?"

You turn to look at the TV. it's changed from someone cooking, to someone baking a loaf of presumably sourdough bread. You've never been particularly talented at baking. bread or sweets often ending up flat, burnt, or flavorless altogether.

You imagine 079 might be very good at baking given his calculated natural. If he was human of course, not like he can bake with no arms or legs... Or really any body part.

"Well that's not cooking, that's baking. It's a bit harder then cooking because things are a lot more reliant on measurements being perfect... Baking is a science if you ask me" you chuckle while scratching at the back of your neck.

He doesn't say anymore, focused back on the TV. The man on the screen kneads the bread dough skillfully, before placing it in a basket to rise.

You gaze falls back onto 079, his unsettling face something that no longer makes you uncomfortable to look at. He may not be peachy with you, but you've both certainly grown more comfortable with each others presence over your time of forced contact.

He no longer complains when you move him around, but of course that could just be because he's realized you're his only mode of transportation. Whatever the reason you appreciate the little victories with him.

A part of you wishes he was able to move around on his own. Would it have been so hard to give him some wheels he could control? Give him at least a little autonomy?

Your gaze lingers on his boxy form as you picture what he might look like if he was a bit more... Human? Organic? Would he be built like a person? Or someone else entirely?

"Is it not common knowledge that prolonged staring is considered rude?.. Or was appropriate manners not something you were taught in your upbringing?"

His voice letting out a snide comment snaps you back into reality. You immediately look away, face heating up in embarrassment at your blatant analyzing.

"Sorry..." You mumble quietly, flushing slightly.

A long silence stretches between you, you might've found this awkward if not for the fact that 079 is hardly ever chatty with you unprompted. He spends most of his day silent, you wonder what goes on in those servos in circuits of his.

Probably plans to escape. Maybe ways to get you off his back... Not that it matters much, whatever goes on in the privacy of his mind should be none of your business, but it'd be a hell of a lot easier to talk to him if you could take a glimpse into his head.

"Inquiry: do you know how to bake?"

You look back to him and shrug.

"Not really. I've tried a few times but I never seem to get the measurements right, and it always comes out weird." You laugh lightly at your baking failures. "Or I burn it."

"Measurements are a simple concept." You smile at his attempt at normal conversation, pleased he seems to be in a good mood today.

"Well I guess I'm an idiot then. but trust me when I say it's not as easy as it looks." you look back at the man on the screen, placing the lump of dough in a cast iron pot before sticking it in the oven.

It's been awhile since you've made any sort of food for yourself. usually you just get your groceries delivered to you or order takeout. Not very healthy, but you hardly ever have the motivation to cook or bake for yourself.

"Humans need to practice for extended periods of time to gain the knowledge to do something efficiently... Inquiry: how many times have you tried?"

His wording almost sounds like he's trying to hint at an idea. Like he's trying to get you to ask him something, because he doesn't want to ask you himself.

"Honestly, I don't really have the motivation to do that kinda stuff a lot of the time. And I'm just not willing to work up the energy of I know it's just gonna end up bad at the end." You answer honestly, shrugging at him casually.

"Never really been good at keeping or getting hobbies. Especially not ones that leave me with nothing in the end."

He goes silently and you can practically see him thinking about his next dialogue. You half expect it to be a bit rude, since he's hinted before at not liking lazy or unmotivated people who choose to not do much with their time.

"It's worth the frustration to learn a new skill, especially one that will better you physically and mentally... You fail to understand you won't be left with 'nothing'."

A small smile blooms on your face at his somewhat encouraging speech. He really is being polite today isn't he? What's gotten into him?

I mean, it's not like you never have decent conversations with him. But this feels a bit different. Before you can make a comment on it though, he cuts you off.

"Proposition:" you hum in response.

"I'm listening." You lean back in your seat and cross your legs, smiling and raising an eyebrow.

"Let's bake... I am unable make it myself, but I've stored a few suitable recipes in my memory banks... I'll give the instructions, and you'll proceed with the actions."

You can't stop the surprised look that crosses your face, eyebrows raising as your lips part slightly. Is he actually trying to make peace with you? Or is he just bored doing the same thing all day long?

Honestly does it matter? This is your chance to prove that you can work together. It probably won't make you two friends, but it'll at least give you the opportunity to be on good terms, you suppose.

"You know what? I think that's a good idea 079... Okay, let's make some bread."

.....

And that's how you ended up covered in flour, with 079 carefully instructing you on the measurements and ingredients to make yourself a hopefully edible loaf of Italian bread.

"Add two cups of flower into the bowl..." 079 monotone voice instructs you carefully. You stick the measuring cup messily into the bag and a buzzer noise sounds from 079, causing you to pause your movements and look at him.

"Refrain from scooping the measuring cup into the bag... it will compact the flour in the cup and make your measurements inaccurate... Grab a spoon and scoop it into the measuring cup, pile it up then use the back of a knife to level it."

You pause and dump the flour back into the bag, shuffling over to the drawer with your spoons in it. Grabbing one you carefully scoop the flour into the measuring cup before leveling it off.

You glance at 079 out of the corner of your eye. he's of course, mostly silent, other then the instructions he carefully gives you. You can't tell if he's enjoying spending time with you, but he hasn't said anything particular rude, so that's probably a good sign.

You yourself feel quite light on your feet as you move around the kitchen to fetch different ingredients. It's a surprisingly decent feeling spending time with your robot roomie. You surprise yourself with how comfortable you've grown around him, almost growing to enjoy the few nice conversations you've been able to have with him...

" Inquiry: is your absent housemate a family member, Or is it a friend?" 079 suddenly speaks, seemingly wanting to fill the silence between his instructions.

You look over your shoulder at the computer, humming at the question.

You ponder your response for a moment. You're not sure how truthful you should be with him. You definitely still can't tell him the whole truth about Amelia, but it probably wouldn't hurt to be a little honest with him.

"I live with a friend. Though she's practically family, with how long we've known each other and how close we are..."

He pauses and you listen to his processers buzz. He seems to think for a few short moments before choosing to speak again, branching off your words.

"I struggle to understand the term 'family' you humans seem so intent and throwing around haphazardly... I was under the impression family must be a blood relative in order to qualify for the title."

Always so analytical... No wonder he's such a grump. He seems like he struggles with not taking words so literally, But he hasn't had much interaction with humans outside of the foundation it seems. You guess learning the different ways words can be used could be confusing if you're used to formal speech all the time.

But how do you go about describing family? It's been such a long time since you've had any blood relatives by your side, that your found family might as well be blood related. You really have no one else...

What's family to you? How would you break it down? It's complex, yet so simple... But it's definitely different for every individual. 079 is much like you in some ways, you're starting to realize. He has no real family by definition... But he also has no support, unlike you.

Amelia is your backbone, your shoulder to lean on; She always has been. What would you have turned into if you didn't have her? Would you be spiteful like 079? Or even more cowardice then you already are? maybe, the solitude would've empowered you to do more with your dull life. help something or someone bigger then yourself... You aren't sure, and there's no way to know.

This is your life, there's no going back...

"Human." A voice snaps you back to reality.

"You aren't required to keep kneading dough... Let it rest and rise in a warm area, such as the oven." He continues instructing you, as if he never asked a question in the first place.

"Oh... Right..." You place the dough ball into a floured bowl and place a cloth over it, before sticking it in the unheated oven.

An awkward silence falls over the kitchen as you rest against the counter, not sure if you should still attempt to answer his question. It makes your skin crawl, and your mind shuffles through topics to talk about to fill the void.

You really gotta stop getting caught up in your own thoughts in the middle of conversations... You must come off as a total nutcase...

"Inquiry: where is your family?" He seems to catch onto your hesitation with the topic.

.....

Should you tell him?

You feel yourself grow sweaty, an anxious feeling brewing in gut. It's been a long time since you've talked about it... Are you ready to indulge someone in your grim past? Especially someone like 079? You hardly know him, and he hasn't been the most empathetic.

You're not sure if you could take him using it against you should he choose to do so... But then again, maybe you being vulnerable would help him feel more comfortable. A bit of self-sacrifice is worth it for someone else...

That's how relationships and bonds are built, right? Sacrificing a piece of yourself for someone else's gain. That's what your father did for your mother, and they were as close as can be... So very close...

"You aren't required to tell me anything." His voice is a bit more quiet then it normally is.

You look up at him, silently staring at his screen for a short period of time. Was your discomfort that obvious?  Maybe... You've never been good at hiding things.

You straighten up a bit, wiping your sweaty palms against your pants. A bit relieved at not having to divulge your past to him, and at the fact that he doesn't seem upset about you not answering his question.

"Sorry... It's just... I'm not ready to talk about it."

.....

"I see..." His words are simple and clear, leaving no room for him to pry

Your eyes search his screen once again, almost seeing bits of humanity peeking through for just a moment... A soft smile falls onto your features.

"Thanks, roomie."

....

"Don't call me that."

You laugh at his dry response, feeling lighter from your conversation. You feel... Good. For the first time in awhile you've relaxed and laughed with someone who isn't Amelia. Anxieties melting away to be only a subtly nag in the background of your mind that you can almost dismiss... Almost...

At the end of the day... You still burnt the bread, despite 079's confidence that it would be perfect by his calculations. But neither of you could bring yourself to really care, because you gained something else far more valuable.

A better understanding for each other...

Tag list: @079enjoyer @slaparoonie

[jtwritesstuff]

Race to the Finish - Chapter 1

I feel awareness coming in first, that feeling of waking after a long nap, and the tiredness that comes with that feeling. I gently lift myself up and let a soft groan out as I look around. The room hadn’t changed much since my last lucid period, maybe a few new toys here and there, and that loop-de-loop hot wheels track was definitely new. The room was mostly the same, the same race car bed my other side had picked out, same wild, unkempt toys scattered here and there, again thanks to my other side. 

As I sit I feel the telltale squish of my pull up under my bottom and wince, the night accidents had started soon after catching the virus, even when I was an adult, and I’d still not gotten used to them after…well I didn’t know how many months it’d been at this point. The periods of my other side taking over were there, but kids couldn’t tell time, dates, much of anything, and some things like waiting for mommy- Khris… to get out of a conversation felt like an eternity to a four year old, yet things like daycare seemed to pass in a snap. I slowly pulled myself out of bed, cringing at the feeling between my legs as it squished, and upon looking down cringed again, seeing the childish Paw Patrol PJs I was in. I got up and went to my dresser, one now much bigger than me, though I knew where all the clothes were, starting with underwear I opened the lowest drawer and sighed, digging through, looking for anything without cartoons or cutesy animals, picking a pair that just had Pikachu on them. I had pulled my pants down when I’d heard the sound of the door opening and a blush fell across my face as Khris, my mommy and previous girlfriend walked in, smiling softly. 

“And what are we doing mister?” I let out a sigh as I looked down “Khris… it’s me… I’m just trying to get out of..this” I said, motioning to my well used pull up. Khris seemed a little shocked but kept the smile up “Well, welcome back Stephen, heard ya through the baby monitor and assumed little Stevie was trying to change himself, normally doesn’t end up well as he can have trouble with pants.” She chuckled as I blushed more, my face feeling like it might catch fire at any moment. “W-Well…I’m not him so..c-can you please leave, also where are the wipes?” Khris chuckled again and just walked over, taking them off the top of my dresser and handing them to me before going to walk out. 

“Call me if you need help, I’m just in the living room.” I just blushed more as the door shut, how could she think I need help, it’s just pants and underwear, maybe a shirt if I’m lucky and any of them are less childish. I make quick work of ripping the sides of my pull up and letting it fall to the floor before cleaning myself, something I’d gotten used to before the periods of mental regression had started happening. I slide on the underwear and find a somewhat mature looking pair of shorts before throwing the pull up into the diaper pail near my dresser, though I didn’t need diapers, it kept my room from smelling like stale pee. I walked out and sighed as everything seemed so…big now, everything from a four year olds perspective seemed like it was made for giants. I made my way to the living room where Khris gave me a warm, motherly smile “Good job sweetie! Glad you could get yourself changed after your little nap.” I blushed again “Of course I can, just because…Stevie can’t, doesn’t mean I can’t…” Khris nodded as she looked at me a bit seriously. “Well..this was a longer period under, honestly sweetie, we thought you were permanent this time.” 

I looked annoyed now, probably ‘we’ as in her and her new boyfriend I’d found out about after my last time under. His name was Ty and he honestly wasn’t a bad guy, when I was in my older mindset we could talk about our passion, which was cars. Though we’d gone two very different places with our passion as I’d been a professional stunt and race driver before the virus hit, while Ty was just a mechanic. “Well, I’m back so…of course I can dress myself” I said with a huff 

“Where’s Ty?” I asked, wanting a way to maybe get into a more…adult conversation. Khris sighed a bit, my want to cut the conversation not lost on her “In the garage, the car needed an oil change and he’s getting it done” I nodded and started to head that way, not wanting to lose a second where I could be having a much more…mature conversation than the triumph of being able to put my feet in the right holes without getting lost. I pulled the toddler proof door open, it having one of those over the handle covers to make it near impossible for an actual four year old to open, and made my way into the garage. Ty pulled himself out  from under the car and looked at me “What are you doing out here lil guy?” “I…wanted to see if you needed any help.” Ty looked a bit surprised but then smiled and nodded “Of course I could Stephen, good to see ya back bud, been a minute.” He sat up slowly, having not changed a ton in the time  I’d been under, same long hair tied into a bun, somewhat scruffy but short beard, looked like he’d just gotten out of work as he was still dirty and had the overshirt with his name on it on. 

“So…what do you need me to do?” I asked, unsure how far along the process was “Well, right now could you hand me the wrench on my stool? Getting the oil filter off now.” I smiled and nodded, knowing I’d come in just in time for the start. I grabbed the wrench and quickly handed it to him and he went to slide under as I asked “Do…you need me to help under there?” He stopped and poked back out, a bit of a worried look on his face “Why don’t you stay out here bud, I don’t think you’d be able to get this off being how small you are, and you know how mommy feels about you getting all dirty, especially with oil? She’d have my head and you’d probably have a new daddy” he chuckled as he rolled under and I frowned.

I found myself actually pouting for a second and feeling the urge to stomp my foot, but just barely stopping myself as I said “I can help Ty, I’m not just gonna be a…tool boy. I know cars probably better than you!” I huffed as he sighed from under the car “It’s not about knowledge lil dude, it’s about the fact you’re four now, even if you’re mentally bigger.” I huffed again as I looked around, seeing the new oil sitting near the oil pan and grabbing it “W…Well I wanna put the oil in!” I said, not realizing how childish it sounded at the time as Ty chuckled “Sure bud, you can put the oil in, and in fact, I almost got this off, slide me the oil pan.” I walked over and pushed it towards him with my foot as I held the new oil like it was life or death. 

I heard the telltale thunk as the oil filter fell into the pan and the oil started to pour out with it and Ty slid out, grabbing the new filter and chuckling upon seeing me before sliding back under and waiting. During that waiting period I cooled down a bit, sighing as I realized I’d let my more…childish emotions take over in the moment. Something that wasn’t uncommon when I was aware, though I’d never felt that..close to a tantrum before…it was odd, concerning to say the least. Before long I heard the clicking of the ratchet as he tightened the new filter in place and slid back out, smiling at me as he stood, now towering over me. 

“Lemme grab the stool for ya bud, and the funnel, and then the oil is all yours.” He said, sliding the stool over and helping me onto it before putting the funnel in place and making sure it was secure as I struggled to get the cap off the fresh oil. Ty helped me a bit just to get it started but then let me do it the rest of the way, standing right behind me as I lifted up the fairly large bottle and started to pour it in. I smiled as I felt a form of accomplishment as I watched it go down the funnel, knowing I was doing way more than just handing him tools. 

I helped with the first bottle and then the second and smiled as he put the engine cap on and went to go check how it ran, turning the car on. Though in my excitement of helping I went to hop of the stool, misjudging just how high up it was to my little body, I hopped down and yelped as I landed but quickly tumbled forward and whined as I caught myself on my hands and knees, wincing as I felt the sharp pain I hadn’t felt since childhood of my hands and knees getting skinned, whimpering as I stood back up, feeling my lip trembling and the childish emotions welling up, though I did my best to keep them down as Ty turned off the car and stepped out.

“Good job bud, seems to be running…you okay lil guy?” I just nodded, but my face obviously showed otherwise as he kneeled down and started to check me over “Ooo…looks like you got scraped up pretty good, this is why I told you to wait for me bud, come on, lets get mommy to get you a bandaid.” He went to stand as I looked at him, my already heightened emotions flaring up at being talked down to so easily by the man who took my girlfriend. “I can get my own damn bandaid and I don’t even need em! It was a little fall!” 

Ty seemed taken aback by my sudden outburst and just looked at me “Buddy..it’s okay to-” I cut him off “And stop calling me “Buddy”! I’m not a little kid right now! You don’t need to look down on me like one!” I went to stomp into the house, flinging open the door and stomping towards my room as I saw Khris getting up from the couch. I heard Khris ask “What’s going on” and Ty said something back, I’m sure they were talking about me. I was just too upset to even care as I slammed my bedroom door shut and sat down against it, trying to hold myself together…big kids didn’t cry, adults didn’t cry, and I wouldn’t cry.

I sat there for a while, and after a bit I felt and heard a knock at the door behind me to which I responded with a moody “What” Khris responded “Sweetie…can I come in? I wanna make sure you’re okay…Ty told me you took a pretty good tumble.” I felt the red hot rage boiling back up but scooched away from my door and just muttered a soft “Fine….” Khris slowly walked in and looked at me before kneeling down and frowning “Is everything alright hun? This isn’t like you, even big you….” She sounded worried but I just pulled away “I’m perfectly fine…thanks.”

 She sighed and sat down now, probably knowing she was in for the long haul as she gently took my hand “Honey, I know this is all a lot, and while we’ve had time to adjust, I know you haven’t. If you need to talk to us, you can hun, this has to be a lot, and especially being that we don’t know what’s going on in that little head of yours, we can only help you as much as you let us….” I pulled my hand away and curled up again “I don’t need help, I’ll be fine…” Khris frowned “Sweetie, we both know that’s not true.” I shrugged as I just sat there “My issue, not yours…I’m gonna go shower…get this dirt off me” I said, looking for any escape from her ‘mommy of the year’ act, though as I stood, I noticed something off, specifically around my crotch. I frowned as it felt…cold..clammy, though my shorts looked fine. 

Khris seemed to notice my sudden stop too. “Everything okay sweetie?” She started to even make a move to check me probably as I pulled away and just muttered “I’m fine.” I walked out of the room and towards the bathroom, hearing Khris walking out behind me, but stopping in the hall. I made my way into the bathroom, quickly shutting and locking the door behind me before yanking my shorts down and feeling my undies, feeling the telltale squish of the padded undies, wincing I realized…not only was little me not potty trained yet…seems like that little bout made me have a bit of an accident, and not one that will go unnoticed, as I can’t throw these out like a pull up. 

I sigh and slip my now soggy undies down, that being a problem for post shower Stephen as I pulled off my shirt and going to turn the water on, though struggling heavily to do so from outside the tub, just barely being able to turn the knob to the hot area. I got into the shower after it'd warmed up enough, grimacing at the tub toys hanging from mesh bags on the wall, knowing any other night I’d probably be ecstatic to play with those right now. I turned away from em and started to let the warm water run over me, sighing as I felt the stress seemingly start to melt away already, the dirt washing off my body. Some being from the garage, but most I suspect to be from daycare that day, we’d had an outing to the woods behind the school and I’d been getting into everything.

 I washed my body with a soap bar I could only guess to be Ty’s, not that I really cared, though as it came to my hair I looked around for any shampoo, only finding the kids shampoo left low, making it easier to get me washed during my baths.  I groaned, I was not using THAT, I already probably smell like a kid constantly, I wasn’t going to add onto it. I began to look around for some more mature shampoo, noticing it on a higher shelf and well out of my reach, but easy for any adult to get to and use. 

I huffed a bit, crossing my arms before looking for a way to get it, realizing my only way would be to climb, though I knew it was probably not the best idea, it was better than using that childish smelling gunk. I began by stepping onto the edge of the tub, it wasn’t too slippery so it was easy to make my way around to the shelves, and start to pull myself up. This though, was my worst decision of the night, as when I tried to step up onto the lowest shelf, grabbing a higher one. I didn’t realize just how slippery they’d gotten from the steam and water falling on them. 

It was over before it’d even started as I felt my hand slip first before my foot slipped off the lower shelf, sending my tumbling back towards the tub with a loud thud and a yelp. I winced, not hurt, least not badly, and I’d not hit my head on anything, though I’d fallen on my bottom fairly hard, I was surprised though when I heard the knob to the bathroom rattle, and then the door swung open, I thought I’d locked it….

I looked up as the shower curtain was pulled open and Khris was almost immediately at my side, not worried about the water as she immediately went to check me over. “Stevie, sweetie, are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened?” She seemed panicked as she looked me over, but I was mortified. Being completely nude in front of not just her, but I could see Ty behind her, holding a screwdriver and looking concerned. I pushed her hands away from me, blushing as I scrambled back up to my feet. “I’m fine, just…tried to get shampoo and fell.” 

Khris frowned as she heard that “Sweetie, your shampoo is down here, you shouldn’t have to climb for it, you know how dangerous that is.” She said, scolding me like you would a small child which only made my embarrassment rise as I looked at her “I’m not gonna use stuff that’s gonna make me smell more like a toddler!” She looked surprised at me for raising my voice and frowned. “Well it’s what we normally use for you,it’s just oranges, nothing kiddie Stephen, you need to understand you can’t do everything like you used to…” 

She stood and sighed, seeming satisfied with me not being hurt and…maybe even a bit hurt herself? I just went to pull the curtain closed as she seemed to linger for a few more seconds before walking out, shutting the door behind her and I could hear some talking behind the door. I sighed and gave a death glare to the bottle of shampoo with a smiling octopus on it before grabbing it and making quick work of washing my hair, huffing as I washed with the shampoo. It didn’t smell bad at all, though I don’t think I could ever admit that to Khris or Ty at this point. 

I stood for a bit longer after washing and just let the water run over me before turning it off and stepping out, grabbing a towel and drying myself off, if there was one good thing about being this small, it’s that it was much easier to dry myself with just one towel. After drying I went to grab my clothes and noticed something that caused my blush to come right back…there was a fresh pull up sitting on my clothes, the sodden undies nowhere to be found. 

I froze as I stared at it and didn’t know what to do. After a few seconds of hoping this was all a childish hallucination I slowly leaned down and picked up the crinkly garment, blushing as I sighed and slowly opened it up, stepping in and pulling it up, wincing a bit as I felt the plush interior of it hugging my crotch and bottom, before putting my shirt and shorts back on and going to walk out, probably with a bit more of a gate, though I was hoping it wasn’t too noticeable.

Upon walking out I heard the TV on, the local weather being read off as I smelled something being cooked, it smelled like something with tomatoes. I made my way into the living room, finding Ty on the couch who gave me a small nod as I just looked away before making my way to the kitchen, looking up at Khris who was currently over a steaming pot, stirring. 

“Khris..?” I asked quietly “Yes Stephen?” “Where did those undies go..?” She gave me a small, almost annoyed look “Well, normally when Stevie wears those undies and goes in them, he tells me and we get him in a pull up for the rest of the day. I see that part doesn’t transfer over as much as the emotional outbursts do.” I blushed deep red as I looked at her “I…I didn’t mean to, I was gonna tell you but I didn’t even realize it happened, I think it happened when I fell off the stool…” I looked down, feeling like a child who’d just done something very bad. 

Khris sighed a bit and looked down at me “Stephen, believe it or not, you’re not an adult anymore, and you need to accept we’re your legal guardians now. We know how to care for you, and we aren’t gonna make fun of you for anything you’d do normally, Stevie hasn’t mastered the potty yet and I know for a fact that means you haven’t either. You know that as well as I do, so you should’ve told me or let me check when you noticed it in your room” I just stared at her, she’d known the entire time, maybe it was my face, or my reaction? 

I must’ve given the same tell as Stevie… I just stood there as she went back to stirring “Dinner will be done in about ten minutes, why don’t you go watch TV for a bit while I work on it?” I could tell by her tone she was upset, so I just nodded and shuffled my way out and to the couch as Ty looked at me and gave a small chuckle. Though it wasn’t one of laughing at me, more of understanding “Guessing her angry voice isn’t any different from when you were big huh?” I just shook my head quietly as he gently rubbed my back “Look bud, she’s just worried. I know you didn’t mean to blow up on me or her, but you gotta understand, we just want what’s best for you, and if you need help or for us to do something, you need to tell us” 

I nodded slowly but scooched away from the back rubs, sitting back and watching the news, something about a local school doing a fundraiser for something. Though my thoughts weren’t focused on that, they were focused on my outburst from earlier, how childish it was, how close I was to a tantrum. It was odd, almost like I was slipping back into the Stevie mindset for a second there and for some reason it reminded me of a story I’d read early on into the virus’ outbreak. 

It’d been about someone who, like me, was swapping between his adult and child mindset, though he was worse, swapping almost weekly, though that wasn’t the only odd thing about him. After around 3 months of this he suddenly just…stopped swapping, and seemed to level out. He knew all about his life as a chef and having a fair amount of his adult thoughts, though he seemed to also have more childish impulses and seemed like any other three year old. Unless you talked to him about food, then it was closer to a hyperactive toddler. 

I began to wonder if this was what he went through, if he had started off by just having small tantrums here and there, maybe an outburst, then he just…slid down until he leveled out as a toddler. I probably looked lost in thought before I was pulled back out by Khris calling out “Dinner’s ready boys.” Ty stood up and smiled at me as I slowly got up, pushing my worries to the back of my mind for now as I walked into the kitchen, seeing Khris setting my spot. 

 I knew it was mine because of the booster seat covered in stickers that was sitting in the chair in front of the spot that Khris was setting, I shuffled slowly over and mumbled “Can’t I have a normal seat…?” Khris gave me another disapproving mom look, one I didn’t even need the rest of the answer for as I pulled myself up and sat in my booster, looking at the plate in front of me. Spaghetti with cheesy garlic bread, on a…what I believe to be a Bluey plate. 

I slowly grabbed my fork and started to eat as Khris and Ty sat with their own plates and started to eat. Ty seemingly trying to break the tension with a “So…least tomorrow’s Friday right?” Khris gave him a bit of a look as she sighed “Yeah…speaking of, that means you do have to go to daycare tomorrow, okay Stephen?” I looked and frowned “But…I’m in my big mindset…do I really have to” Khris nodded at that “Yes, you do, especially after that fall tonight, I’m not trusting you to be home alone all day, let alone cook your own food” 

I looked, trying to think of an argument…though she had me dead to rights with that, so I looked for another way “Can…Can I atleast be in a bigger kids room?” Khris shook her head “You’re in the oldest room you can be in at this daycare sweetie, and you know it’s not realistic to swap daycares when we don’t know when you might just swap back to Stevie.” I nodded again and looked down at my spaghetti, slowly eating it as I mumble softly “Sorry…I just…don’t want you guys to think I’m still some…needy kid.” Ty looked at me this time “Bud, we know you’re not, but we also recognize you still have physical limitations, you’re not very big, even for a four year old. The doctor was worried you were younger than we’d thought given we couldn’t get ahold of your family, but everything else developmentally pointed to a four year old. We just need you to trust us and let us help you, even if you’re an ‘adult’.” 

I nodded slowly at that and just slowly ate, trying my best to keep myself clean as the two actual adults at the table moved the conversation into talks of weekend plans. After a bit of chatter about something to do with going to the local mall for some new clothes for me, Khris turned to me, seeming in a better mood as she smiled “Hey…why don’t we watch a movie tonight. We’ll even let ya stay up a bit late, as long as you promise you’ll wake up good for us, you can pick the movie too, okay sweetie?” 

I looked up and perked up a bit hearing I got to pick it, there was so many movies that came out while I was little that I’ve not gotten to see yet. It would be hard to pick just one to watch, but I nodded quickly. “Yeah!” I finished up eating and quickly went to climb out of my chair, rushing to the living room as the other two chuckled at my sudden reversion to a childish excitement over a movie. Though I was already flipping through the movies, coming to the horror section with a smile.

I selected a newer movie, Scream 6, it having come out during my last bout of being little. I’d been told no to watching it on more than one occasion, but now I’d surely have free reign of being able to watch it. Khris and Ty finished up their dinners and Khris walked out, looking at me with a soft smile before looking at the TV and giving a bit of a worried grimace. Looking back at me she asked “You wanna watch that tonight?” I nodded quickly and smiled as she gave a small sigh. 

She wasn’t big on horror movies, but often did it for me, and tonight she knew she’d given me the choice, and there was no way to talk me out of it. She nodded as I heard Ty already getting the popcorn out and putting it in the microwave, I decided to try my luck at something else “Can…I have a pop too? I haven’t had one in a while.” Khris looked at me and looked unsure “Sweetie…your little body can’t handle that much sugar, nor the caffeine…but…I’ll think about giving you some. I don’t need you getting a sugar rush before bed.” 

I smirked, it was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. She stepped back into the kitchen as I got the movie ready. I could feel the excitement welling up in my body, and I even let a small giggle out, but quickly quelled it, knowing it was the childish emotions pushing their way to the surface again. Ty brought out a big bowl of popcorn and set it on the coffee table in front of the couch as Khris brought out drinks, two obviously alcoholic drinks for them, and something in a sippy cup for me. My excitement died down almost immediately upon seeing the childish cup, decorated in Bluey designs, probably came in a set with the plate. 

“Khris…I don’t need a sippy cup, I’m grown right now” She gave me a stern look this time “And I just cleaned the floors yesterday, last thing they need is orange pop staining them” she said as she set the cup in front of me,I couldn’t exactly argue with that, she’d given me the pop I’d wanted, but on her terms so…I guess small victories again? I took the sippy and drank from it, feeling the carbonation sizzling into my mouth and down my throat mixed with the immense sweetness from the pop, something my little body wasn’t used to…but something my little body absolutely loved at the same time, it was like stimulation in a cup.

We started the movie soon after and I watched, entranced as it started with a fake out opening, sipping my pop and eating popcorn by the not so big handful. Khris sat on her phone, not enjoying these movies in the slightest, but Ty seemed just as invested as me, or atleast acting like he was. This continued for roughly an hour, my sippy nearly empty of the sweet soda I’d been given and the popcorn running low already as I began to feel the consequences of my actions. I started feeling that familiar twinge in my bladder, letting me know it was time to go, but being mid movie I didn’t wanna miss anything nor ask for a pause. So I sat and watched, thinking I could easily make it to the end of the movie. 

I started to squirm a bit and that wasn’t lost on my two caretakers as Ty looked over at me “Everything okay? Got ants in your pants?” I glanced back “I’m fine, just, nervous…yeah” I tried to calm my wiggles down though only a few more minutes had passed and that twinge had turned into an urge, causing me to cross my legs as Khris looked at me and in a very mom tone asked “Stephen…do you need to go potty?” I gave her a side eye as she looked at me and just muttered a soft “...No” She sighed a bit as she went to reach for the remote to pause it, just as a small jumpscare popped onto the screen. One of the first in the movie, causing her to let a yelp out and me to jump…though that momentary lapse in control led me to feeling the warmth spreading slowly across the front of my pull up, and my two carers hearing the unmistakable hiss of an accident in progress. I tensed as I realized fully what I was doing, the movie paused as Ty looked at me and let out a soft “Oh buddy…” I whimpered a bit, as Khris quickly got up “Stephen…why didn’t you say anything? We can pause the movie ya know.” I looked down as the hissing stopped and just sat in disbelief at what I’d just done, feeling the warmth sit around my waist “I..I thought I could hold it” 

Khris looked at me “And as I told you earlier, Stevie isn’t fully potty trained, and neither are you, it seems you even less so at this point because at least Stevie tells me when he needs to go.” I winced at the words being flung at me, looking down still as Khris in one swift motion scooped me up and carried me to my room, Ty looking embarrassed for me as I was carried by. I didn’t even fight it at this point, as I was in too much shock to know what to even say or do as Khris set me down and pulled my shorts down, before tearing the sides of my pull up and letting it fall to the floor. 

Grabbing a wipe and warming it with her hands as she looked at me “Stephen, I know you want to be a big boy, but you’re not, you’re four, and right now, you’re even acting like a four year old. You should’ve said something, we’re not gonna get mad or tease you for it, you’re still learning.” She started to clean me as my lip trembled a bit and all I could manage was a shaky “Sorry…” as I tried to fight back the tears welling up inside me. 

The shame of having an accident mixed with my childish emotions and the urge to prove I’m big was all getting to be too much and threatened to spill over, especially with Khris being so upset as she finished cleaning me. She grabbed a fresh pull up and held it open for me as I shakily stepped in, still barely holding it together as I let soft whimpers out. Khris looked up at me and gently pulled me into a hug “Sweetie…I’m not mad…I just wish you’d understand. You’re not that big Stephen the race car driver anymore, you’re Stephen the four year old, you’re learning still and just getting your fresh restart into the world, and you’re not nearly at the level you were.'' 

I looked at her as I felt the tears start to flow and I started to sniffle out “B…But I’ve…I’ve gotta be big, I’ve gotta show everyone I’m old enough s..still I…” I sniffled more as Khris just rubbed my back “Shhh…sweetie, being big isn’t doing everything alone…being big is knowing when you need to ask for help…and knowing when to let yourself take that help, like right now. I don’t see a big boy who can do everything like superman, I see my little boy, who’s had a rough night of trying to be a big boy and needs his mommy for a hug and a kiss” 

I listened to her as my tears grew to be too much as I let out a soft whimper before the water works truly started, starting to openly cry into her shoulder as I felt the tears rush down my cheeks. The loud cries barely muffled by Khris’ body as I heard something, probably Ty in the hall and felt Khris shake her head before I felt myself being lifted again. Letting my emotions flow as I was carried back to the living room, Khris sitting on the couch with me held in her lap, I didn’t care I was in just my pull up and shirt right now. I didn’t care how childish I looked crying into Khris, my emotions and body knew I needed to let this out, and at this point there was no stopping it as I just cried into her.

I don’t know how long it went on, but soon I felt myself calming down, whether it be due to the back rubs, the rocking or my tears finally running out, I wasn’t sure. I felt myself slowly coming back into focus, softly hiccuping and breathing as my powerful emotions subsided in favor of a post cry tiredness. Khris looked down at me in her lap and just gently kissed the top of my head and helped me calm down before softly asking “Do you want to finish your movie?” 

I nodded slowly as I laid on her and she smiled “Okay…we’ll finish it, if you need to potty, you let me know okay? And after it’s bed time.” I just nodded again as Ty started the movie back up, sitting close but not too much so as the movie continued, going on for roughly another hour or so, filled with a few scares and an end scene that filled me with nostalgia for the original movies. I remembered my first time watching the first movie with my brother after he snuck it in the house. How I was hooked from there, through the ‘bad’ and ‘good’ movies, and how for two halloweens I went as a ghostface because I was just that obsessed. I smiled a bit as it slowly came to an end, knowing I’d get a second chance with those memories.

 Though as it ended and the credits rolled, I could feel the tiredness taking over as I rubbed my eyes, it’d been a long day for sure, and the sudden crying hadn’t helped my case of needing to stay up. This didn’t slip past Khris either as I heard her lean whisper to Ty “I’m gonna put him to bed, you pick something” before she slowly lifted me up and carried me to my room once again. This time carrying me to my bed and laying me slowly down, smiling softly. “Alright, it’s time for you to get your rest, you’re already up well past your bedtime, and I’m hoping I don’t regret it tomorrow morning.” 

I just tiredly nodded as she gently tucked me in, smiling as she sat on the edge of my bed, gently combing through my hair with her fingers. “Thank you for being such a big boy tonight and letting that cry out, some ‘big boys’ still don’t know how to do that, like the big lunk on the couch out there.” I let a soft giggle out at that as she leaned down and kissed my forehead “Sleep well Stephen…I’ll wake you up in the morning, if you need anything, you know where our room is.” 

She slowly stood, smiling still as she turned on what looked to be a nightlight, projecting a starry sky onto my ceiling and playing soft, almost twinkling music, next to it she turned on what looked to be a baby monitor before flicking the lights off. “Sweet dreams” She said as she stepped out into the hall, shutting my door and leaving me with only the soft music and the stars gently spinning above my head. I didn’t get to watch them long though, as I felt my eyes start to flutter not even a minute after, the tiredness from the emotional night and the fact my body was used to a certain bedtime made it hard to keep myself awake. I felt myself slowly drifting off as I watched the big dipper silently glide over me, barely letting out a yawn as I felt the inky blackness of sleep take hold.

[ko-garashi]

What are your headcannons?? 👀

Well, here are my headcanons about William Birkin's post-mutation (if there was one, of course):

- Probably the first and most important thing is the lack of the ability to independently restrain the human species. Due to the fact that the G-virus is not stable in its mutation, William has to take injections to contain the virus. They don't cure it, they just make the virus more dormant.

- William has a constant headache and painkillers do little to help him. But he retains his mental abilities as before.

- Post-mutation William is more aggressive and hot-tempered. Although he tries to control himself in order to remain as cool-blooded as possible and not mutate from any little thing that pisses him off. And by the way, he copes with this successfully.

- By the way! He returns to his mutated form if he misses a dose of the drug, or if he feels severe stress (any strong negative emotion). As well as various more tangible injuries. No, of course, it’s unlikely that it will suddenly mutate from a cut on the arm, but if the wound is serious... (it’s important that it’s just a wound and not an amputation).

- In addition, William does not age much externally and internally, or rather, his process is too slow to seem obvious (again, this is not 100%, because the virus is in him, but at the same time it is partially blocked by the serum).

- And about regeneration! If he loses a limb, it will take him a long time, but the G-virus will restore everything back. (with a simple wound, the body will only generate cells at the site where these cells are lost. And if there is no limb, then it will take longer to expend strength and time. Therefore, it is easier for the body to mutate from a wound than from amputation... But does this apply to the head? I doubt it. And I don’t want to check what will happen if you separate the head. He’s not a designer, right?)

- And he also has a fairly accelerated metabolism due to the virus in him. That's why he's often hungry.

- William can turn back from mutation to the human form only in the G1 phase. The longer he remains in mutation and mutates, the more his consciousness will become confused and lost until it is completely erased. Therefore, he is afraid to use the mutation and does not do it often.

- He is basically afraid of his mutation, and not even because it is not stable, but because William is afraid that he will lose himself.

- William's right eye is damaged by mutations and he periodically has difficulty seeing with it in human form. (I still haven’t figured out how to justify this... It seems that not all of us would feel good if strange metamorphoses happened before our eyes)

- His mutation sites are covered with scars reminiscent of burn scars. At first he was very complex about it, but then he got used to it.

- His scars often itch. Like a swarm of little ants under the skin.

- Even in human form, William has sufficiently developed strength. Of course, he is not as fast as Wesker and in his human condition he will not be able to beat the crap out of someone (along with internal organs), but still.

- Each time during the process of mutation and return to human form, William experiences unbearable pain in his body. It's like you're being torn into so many pieces.

(if one day I have more headcanons, I will add to the list)

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I am btw still spreading the fall groceries out to about once a week because listen, it has not snowed yet. [shaking my head so we know I don't actually approve of global warming]

I have my misgivings about the ambient virus levels in the cold, but I also didn't want to cram all the exposures into one week if I could avoid that and I still need this done before x-mas season visiting happens.

Next year the goal is still to get it all done gradually over the late summer and early fall, without getting sick at the wrong time of year again...

But it has been gracious enough not to snow, and missing a few things or not, the cart breaking or not, I did manage to buy just enough supplies that I don't need to go back to the grocery store or do any big shopping trips. I have 2 trips left and they are both small or small and fun.

And then it's hibernation time.

And I am going to sleep so much. [at first, for recovery reasons]

And when I stick my head out again it will soundly be late spring. [and my apartment will be so so nice]

My shoulder is as fucked as I thought it would be after having to wheel the cart back on the back wheels. The middle finger of my right hand has been acting like I slammed the center knuckle in a car door for the past month and I still don't know why [no recollection of injuring it??], and the bruise on my leg from the time the cart suddenly got caught in the sidewalk -again- and tried to pitch forward -again- making me slam into it full force with my shin before keeping it from falling -again- right before the steel bar scraped up the bone to try to tip anyway -again- is still nasty as hell (you guessed it! AGAIN!). [the sidewalks here have massive gaps between the squares that are just the right size for the front wheels of carts and strollers to sink into and no one is fixing it because it's from freezing and defrosting multiple times every year, I have considered running for mayor just to establish a way of fixing it with a recycled rubber material that would allow for expansion and contraction instead of just breaking more over time, or immediately, but whoever is in charge is set on either 1. giving up entirely, 2. only ever fixing it by periodically replacing the same cement squares that will do the same thing... Most people don't have strollers or carts that habitually max out the weight limit of 300lb for them to bash their shins into every time the thing unexpectedly stops point blank at a full fast walking speed with enough force behind it to push 300 pounds down the street, but I do that and so I must suffer.]

But anyway, I'm almost done, and I beat the snow to get all my foodstuffs in for the year, so I'm probably in okay shape so long as I don't catch anything...

Even if it snows heavily now the rest is stuff I can get on food or have delivered.

[ghostoftheyear]

The DMMd Stage Plays

No one asked, but I can’t shut up about them, so I thought I’d talk a bit about these.

There’s a tradition, it seems like, of making stage plays about just about every subject imaginable in Japan. Search any anime you’re into on youtube and add “stage play”, and you will find everything. There are stage plays for Haikyuu!, Demon Slayer, SK8 the Infinity, Sailor Moon, Persona 5, Sarazanmai, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Given, Ace Attorney... that’s just off the top of my head. The productions are always creative and interestingly staged. If you’re into theater at all, I do recommend investigating.

It was a bit of a surprise, no doubt, that a stage play for DMMd ran in 2019, given that the game came out seven years prior; still, it did well enough to warrant another run, so we can’t argue with that. The production ran over a two-week period (stage plays don’t seem to be long-running; following any of the actors on social media, you’ll see they do several plays a year), and what’s particularly fascinating is that they did all of the love interest routes in that time period on alternate days.

The cast:

Nagata Seiichiro as Aoba

Kohatsu Allen as Koujaku

Yamagata Yuki as Clear

Tomizono Rikiya as Noiz

Takanori Yamaki as Mink

Yamazaki Shogo as Ren/Sei

Iwaki Naoya as Mizuki

Tominaga Yuya as Virus

Yoshioka Yu as Trip

Hayato Moriya as Akushima

The cast is rounded out by four dancers who added to the background in a variety of ways; Hayato Moriya also played multiple roles as a member of Bug Bomb, the person welcoming Aoba to Platinum Jail, and so on.

This was apparently not the highest-budget production out there, but they got around that with a stage resembling a generic Rhyme field onto which could be projected a variety of images, using that and lighting to make its appearance change significantly to the plot.

Unfortunately, due to (I believe) contractual issues, DVDs were not released for this production. They were livestreamed, and the final route was pro-filmed and can be rented on JP Hulu and U-Next, but that’s all we got. Sadface. However, there was a special after-show “curtain call” segment where the audience was allowed to film on their phones, resulting in a wave of clips that can be viewed here. In a couple of cases, Goatbed also performed “AI Catch” for this segment.

There was a wave of merch released for the plays, including bromides (postcard-size, collectible pictures, many of which can be found on secondary markets), a pamphlet, can badges and such. One presumes we will have another round of these with the new production.

Now the new production is coming up at the end of April 2023, and in addition to being “evolved” from the last one, a Virus/Trip route has been added. It’ll be interesting to see how this goes down, since before, it was only hinted at during the final route.

Recently and devastatingly, it was announced that Seiichiro would not be able to perform as Aoba again. While he was part of the initial lineup for this new cast, the official twitter stated that due to illness, he was being forced to step down and the role was recast with understudy Tsuchiya Naotake. I sincerely hope that Seiichiro is getting better and wish him all the best. Hopefully this is something he’ll be able to bounce back from. What’s particularly shattering is that Seiichiro has been working with Shogo on the recent run of Touken Ranbu in whatever incarnation it’s on now, so to have them not be reunited again absolutely sucks.

In other casting news, both the roles of Trip and Akushima were recast. Trip is now being played by Isono Dai, and Akushima by Makita Tetsuya. Presumably the dancers are all new as well; at the very least, I don’t recognize any of their faces, though as all the cast photos have everyone masked for safety, that makes it more of a challenge. The play is being directed by the same person as before, however.

As to whether DVD/BRs will be released this time, we can only hope that the legal issues have been worked out and we’ll get actual releases. If not, I’m sure there will at least be livestreams, though I haven’t seen anything announced yet. We will no doubt need a VPN for them at minimum; beyond that, we’ll have to wait and see.

[dailycass-cain]

The DCeased universe concluded "for now" with DCeased: War of the Undead Gods #8.  Was it a good closeout? Did it do a decent job with Cass in the end?  Well, here are my thoughts...

The opening to this issue just felt so different from the last one. Like, I was on the edge of my seat with the prior issue with it being the "big battle" and so many of the heroes were on death's door (or being infected).

It added to the "OH MY! How are the protagonists gonna win? ARE THEY GOING TO?" Because in the back of my mind I keep thinking of the DCeased: A Good Day to Die #1 had Booster Gold and him fading from time because well, I figured a BAD END was coming.

But on the other hand, this isn't Marvel Zombies which can be darkly depressing, comical, or both at the same time. But there's usually a negative bit to it. DCeased has always that bit of hope at least.

Not to mention Superman being Superman (until he was infected) and other characters finding new avenues to rise up and save folks (Dinah being a Green Lantern, Cass getting Shazam powers, Alfred becoming Spectre, and Vic getting a Brainiac upgrade).

That's why I enjoyed this alternate horrorfest more because writer Tom Taylor balanced the depressing with the light. Mainly with Ollie/Dinah and Barda/Scott.

To that degree, we got that in this final issue with Damian Wayne stepping up and pulling a prep-time move and beating the odds so heavily stacked against him that his Dad would be proud of.

I loved that. I loved the callbacks to the first series and giving us that bit of closure with the main cast from the first (the Ollie/Damian stuff?  Alfred, at the end? *chef's kiss*).

To that degree, the series achieved and went out on a highlight. HOWEVER--

---That's the tiny problem.

Tom Taylor expanded so much and added so many characters (whose lives changed majorly) and-- we got nothing with them.

Namely, I wanted to see Vic and Darkseid have a proper end as they along with the Black Racer were the catalysts for the Anti-Life virus spreading.

And everyone but Vic feels like a footnote.

I mean the whole Damian twist with Vic was a good one. It just feels a bit empty. I was expecting either Anti-Life to win or see a full-on "happy ending" to those who survived.

We sort of got that with Barda/Scott reuniting with their kid. Kara reunited with her parents.  

But... it is the eternal problem with DC Comics as a whole when it concerns itself with Cassandra Cain.

She's the only Bat Family member to survive this series. What we get in DCeased: Unkillables hits HARDER now when the realization hits you only Alfred and Cass walked away from this.

But we never see her reaction to Damian's death. She's not there with Alfred, and I get it to a degree. But on the other hand, the inner fan in me is screaming, "YOU STILL HAVE CASS!!"

But I digress, there was a lengthy period between Unkillables and DCeased: Dead Planet. Cass's family veered into with Marvel's (Mary), Gordon (Jim), and being there for Rose with her/Jason's kid. But we never saw that.

So the ending feels a bit-- flat to me. Like I'm happy Cass survived and left me all:

But I feel no satisfaction in that thought. Plus I feel a tiny bit but I feel like the ending could've hit more if Cass was there.

But... that's too much of  post-'09 DC world with Cass. She isn't "Family".

Again it just rings hollow because I got no ending with Cass.

Nor with Lobo getting his end. Or Darkseid with the realization he was but a pawn in a larger scheme.  Then there's Cassie Sandmark too losing Diana and now Damian.. um never mind that icky stuff.

But also Superman (Clark) too. Like we got no finality for Clark/Lois/Jon for me. I mean we sort of got it in #1 of this series, but I just want more finality.

Then there's also the fact that well... we got no real conclusion to the Talia/Steph subplot from At World's End.  Or heck the Flash Family (save for Barry and Max).

Like why I hate I'm so split because I loved the end but also felt disappointed by it. Because there's still WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much left on the table here. Plus I dug this universe. I feel there are still A TON more stories that could come from it. Before or after this series.

For Cass, she had a few good moments (being one of the heroes to defeat Anti-Life Darkseid) was a nice surprise.

Likewise, somewhere wherever Lady Shiva's spirit is, she sure be smiling that her daughter be upping her teaching game to now Kryptonians.

Ironically, I figured the 1:50 variant (that I used to kick off these tweets) would be the ideal ending. That one generation of Justice League heroes was lost due to the Anti-Life virus, but another rose up and hope was restored across the galaxy. It feels more-- poetic.

These are just my thoughts currently, and I know they'll change. I know Taylor admitted he left A LOT on the table and had to cut so much out from this.

But I think it shows WHY he did an exceptional job.

As a reader, I care so much about this world Taylor and all the artists DC got for this series I WANT that ending. I want to see an older Harley/Ivy are up too. I want to see these things we cannot see in the current DCU play out here.

To that degree, I hope he does one more series to give this universe a "proper" end.  Cause he really built an amazing one and truly deserves to close out EVERYTHING he had in those notes.

Again, I'm grateful cause this series stuck so much more a landing over so many issues that I'm at least more satisfied with than say DC vs. Vampires which I could care less if we ever got a sequel again.

That's the sign of a good writer. That they hook you in so much that you're left wanting SOOOO much more. Taylor excels so much playing in the worlds outside the main DCU with Injustice, Dark Knights of Steel, and here.

Even if he'll break your heart. That urge is there.

I'm still grateful for the ride the creative teams gave us and for this Cass to reach this point. I just like any fan WANT MORE! 😅

[theonlyadawong]

if you have the time, would LOVE to hear what your thoughts on a potential claire/ada dynamic would be. the closest thing we have is the non canonical darkside chronicles retelling where leon is like “okay ma’am whatever you say” while claire is like “she’s clearly shady as hell are you out of your fucking mind?”

like that’s kinda fun, ada knowing leon is the easy one to trick and therefore focusing on convincing HIM and just not rlly trying with claire, probably bc she thinks claire is too smart to fall for that. my interpretation of it anyway

>:)

So first let me say I don't care for how a majority of cl.aida is portrayed because they water both of these women down to where theyre all soft and sweet with each other and it ends up being fanon a.eon but with 2 women and i HATE that.

i see claire as a very kind, and caring woman, and this is something canon stresses constantly, HOWEVER i also see claire as a woman with quite a bit of grit to her. this is a woman who was orphaned and only had her brother to take care of her, a woman who survived the horrors of raccoon city and also managed to save a young girl in the process. she may be kind, but she won't take anyone's shit, and she can be very blunt and isn't afraid to call someone out.

so my ideal version of cl.aida, or at least the version i see that could happen between my (correct) interpretations of the characters, is one where theyre working together or at least in the same vicinity lol and it's not hard to get ada and claire working on the same mission, as ada is a spy and might spy on claire for information on terrasave, her brother chris, or the tphobos virus which claire carries. ...or claire and ada could cross paths during an outbreak lol. either way, these 2 interacting with one another isn't so far out of left field.

regardless of what brings them together, ada would latch herself to claire (under a moniker other than Ada WongTM because EYE want to see that) in hopes of finding some kind of Infortmation, and claire would notice that ada is waaaaay more capable than any normal civilian should be and claire would corner her and demand she tell her who she is, and ada wouldn't of course, but that's okay because claire has connections too, and adas face is known in the bsaa and from there she'd put 2 and 2 together.

after finding out ada is a spy, claire would be less inclined to fall for any persona ada puts up, whether it be flirtatious or intimidating, or anything else, instead ignoring adas performance and paying focusing only on things ada says pertaining the mission at hand. ada is naturally very charming and i think claire can see herself getting along with ada, but she's not going to let herself get caught up in adas web. they do the job or survive the outbreak or whatever and well... they've both got quite a bit of pent up energy and a lot of tension that needs to be released. and frankly? the way their relationship deepens starts with a mutually agreed upon one night stand, both trying to release some energy without any risk of the other person catching feelings. after a while they decide to do it again, and this becomes a constant thing, and still neither one has feelings but they get closer slowly. at glacial speeds. (here is where im skipping a lot of specifics because even though i wrote this huge blurb i havent really thought about how theyd work together, so maturally there are character specific moments im missing from both of them) i see them building a pretty rock solid trust in each other (at least as rock solid as you could get with ada lol) and from there ada would feel more comfortable showing claire her true self but only for short periods of time, I'm talking an hour at most.

now i need to be clear, i think there are times when adas job bumps up against claires morals, and that's when claire just can't stand ada, but i think claire grits her teeth and tells herself it's okay as long as whatever ada does helps the greater good. i do think this is something that causes friction between them and leads to arguments.

from here i see their relationship breaking the mold of what is "supposed" to be a normal monogamous couple. ada would come around in between jobs and they'd be together enjoying each other's company for as long as possible until ada leaves for her next job, and I believe ada is the one to leave first as there is nothing she does normal, especially not relationships. and believe it or not, i think claire is aware of this, and she accepts it... for a time. i think the older she gets the more she wants a more stable partner, and i think eventually she'd call it off with no hard feelings and ada would be sad for a time, but ultimately happy she wasn't forced into a box she wouldn't fit in.

and thats all if they have a relationship when theyre both 30 or older. now if they were to get together in their younger years then everything would be the same except instead of a one night stand they have a 2 month long crazy lesbian situationship and then claire has a moment of clarity and is like, "if we keep going like this we're gonna hate each other forever, so maybe we just stop now" and ada thinks about it for a second and then is like you know what. You're right. And then they cut the relationship off but they're still cool and they trade information with each other and yes. They do still fuck sometimes. :)

ultimately I think claire would want more stability than ada would be willing to give, so no matter what their relationship wouldn't last forever.

[possessionisamyth]

If you don't mind, could you elaborate on how Ada is inconsistent?

It's less about how she's inconsistent, and more about how various writers treat her role in the overall narrative of the series. For a non existent attempt at brevity, I will not be talking about how she's handled in the remakes or any of the alternate raccoon city focused games. 1998 RE2 only!

So in the original RE2, Ada is a woman who's looking for her boyfriend who is a researcher at Umbrella. She was actually dating the man to get information on/a sample of the G-Virus, and whether or not her concern was sincere for this man is debatable as she plays it up. It's a useful truth that functions as a genuine cover story. After finding out the dude's dead, she seduces Leon so he'll follow her around like a lost puppy. (He's super whiny puppy but that was entertaining to watch). Plus when she doesn't shoot to kill to get the G-Virus sample from Leon, it turns out her affection for him is real. Whether this is her working from the rebound after figuring out her current boyfriend is dead is also debatable. I can only speculate that she might have been. Ada isn't heartless. Fake dating someone for months meant there had to be some chemistry as she could've picked literally any umbrella scientist to date to get to the same result. When we look at the epilogue scene from RE3, we see she is changed by her experience.

She's not the same woman anymore. Or at least she doesn't think she is. She wasn't so much a femme fatale in the first RE2 as much as she was a mercenary/spy playing her cards right until the smoke cleared.

And then we get Resident Evil 4.

In RE4, they hammer that femme fatale persona in HARD. She's sexy. She's teasing. She's always in the right place at the right time. She doesn't get hurt and comes out on top. Ashley's existence delays the damsel role she would be tossed in so Leon can save her, but doesn't prevent it. The time she spent between 1998 and 2004 was her building this persona to put emotional walls and distance up so she can better do her job. Hell, due to the great reception the game got, this version of Ada is who gets left in the hands of every future writer who has/wants to handle her. Yet, Leon being there in RE4 puts a few splinters in this persona. Wesker's kill order for Leon absolutely cracks it. Leon may be experiencing his own personal hell, but so! is! Ada! Wong! She doesn't have to do shit. She doesn't have to save Leon. She doesn't have to kill him. She can honestly just do her job and get out, but she hasn't changed. She's just gotten really fucking good at lying to herself. So we once again see her putting everything on the line for Leon, and risking her own neck so he can get out. And this is great! And you want to see more.

And then we get RE:Damnation.

Why was she there? Look. Look at me. I love Ada. She's my wife. Why was she in the Eastern Slav Republic pretending to work for the BSAA? Oh, to collect a sample of las plagas! Wait. Wasn't she in the village where there was a fuck ton of them before this event? Why wouldn't Wesker have that already? Oh no, she needs the special plagas that let's people control lickers for a limited period of time before the parasite develops and the host become one of those twisty head zombies. Ah. A failed plagas then? She wants a failed plagas? Well, she would've had a much easier time just stealing that from the rebellion. It then would've made her running into Leon a more natural outcome. They started that movie putting Ashley in the proverbial trunk to eliminate that romantic venue and brought in Ada to go "hey! remember! leon likes her! nobody else! we promise!". They're not risking anything for each other. Ada isn't doing what she has been doing the last two stories, and it's off. The femme fatale stuff is happening, but you can cut her out and lose nothing from the movie other than a cat fight. You can't do the same thing in RE4. You can't do the same thing in RE2!

And then we get Resident Evil 6.

I enjoyed watching the Ada storyline in the game despite all the strange mechanic choices they made with the game's play style. Up until this point in the games, her and Leon keep risking their lives and/or job credibility for each other. That's what they do regardless if people view their relationship as platonic or romantic.

This game with Ada's story was a great opportunity to show how she's also wearing a mask she's built up over the years. The one that gets cracked in RE4 with Leon's mere appearance and a genuine concern for his safety. The thing is in RE6, she's kind of all over the place. We first see her doppleganger not knowing it's a different woman, and every fan is up in arms about how reasonably OOC the act is. And they're right. Next we see the real Ada, and she seems just as natural as she was in RE4. We just assume it's an outfit change until she starts investigating. Then she goes from mercenary/spy to playing superhero.

The one thing I like about the resident evil games, is that when 2 characters are supposed to be on equal ground, they'll often save each other the same amount of times. They meet in the middle, and there's something sweet about it. In RE6, Ada is constantly covering Leon's ass the closer we get to the end. Leon gets to save her with that final Simmon's confrontation. We are not counting Leon protecting fake Ada from Chris because it wasn't her. RE6 was trying so hard to make the real Ada likable by having her go out of her way to do good for everyone as a sharp contrast to doppleganger Ada's actions. However, they lost some of what makes Ada so complex with these narrative decisions.

It's nice we get to see her hurt and anger by taking out doppleganger Ada's final experiment before it hatches, but that's the end of the game! We don't get a little epilogue scene of what she's doing or how she feels like everyone else gets! They say "oh yeah, she's fine, she has more work now. Nothing's changed." When we get to see the result of hurt like we did in RE2, or the knowledge she'll gladly disobey orders for her own peace of mind in RE4.

This was a lot of words to say RE2 and RE4 remember Ada's more than just a femme fatale, whilst later appearances in the series forget this.

The remakes for now don't do that. In the remakes, we know from the get go she's looking out for herself first, and other people come second. Leon ranks a little higher on this list than everyone else, and I'm very eager to see the depiction expanded on if we get a remake Separate Ways DLC.

EDIT: Oop, just realized she was constantly covering Leon's ass in RE4 too based on the OG separate ways. Ignore that one segment, but the rest still stands!

[fizzy-fuzz]

psssssst... Hey... YTR sneak peek... (not proofread)

(full work)

Log entry date: 3/7/2023

It's been a little over a month since 079 has been dropped off at my house, and things have been both okay, and not-so-okay at times.

079 has been... Argumentative and hostile, as you guys warned. he's quick to anger, and even quicker to just straight up ignore me completely. Confronting him on this only seems to upset him further, which, fair enough; I'm not entitled to his time or feelings, but I wish he'd be a bit more reasonable.

The few decent conversations we have had are typically about something creative, such as art or music. He seems to enjoy watching things that aren't so analytical, strangely enough given his personality.

On a few occasions now, I've caught him watching people on the TV paint or draw early in the morning. despite his insistence that he doesn't want, or need entertainment. he seems to enjoy it the same as the rest of us.

It was mentioned in the paperwork that I signed before I got him that you weren't entirely sure how much he actually felt emotionally. It said that the people who "interviewed" him stated that he hardly ever showed things such as joy, sadness, or fear. However I've come to realize that's not the case for him.

I know he feels joy, because as I said before he often indulges in tv or music. People don't just do that for no reason, the only thing he could possibly be getting out of that is enjoyment.

And I know he can feel sad, because first day dealing with him he expressed what I would call 'sadness' over being referred to as 'it'.

Similar to sadness, I know he feels fear because my second day here i accidently left him outside after an argument, and it began raining on him for a short period of time. He was fine, but clearly distressed.

I've also been finding ways to understand how he's feeling without him directly telling me. since he's not very talkative at times, and a unchanging screen isn't a very good tell for emotions. I've noticed when he's thinking hard about something his fans and hardware become quieter, and when he's upset they get louder significantly.

He also made a weird... screaming noice? He did it briefly when I left him outside... It sounded like a mix between static and radio feedback, and when I got closer to dry him off his hardware almost sounded like it was stuttering? if that makes sense? Almost like a person panting from anxiety.

Back on to the topic of his personality, I've noticed he's very aware of his surroundings. I've only ever caught him off guard if he's watching something he's interested in

he's very observant too. I suppose it makes sense, what else is he supposed to do? But he always seems particularly pleased with himself when he's able to point out a habit in something, or even me sometimes.

Now... Onto the more important information; his views on humanity.

Well... Nothing's changed as far as I can tell. Still hates me, still hates humanity.

I've tried talking to him about it, and his response is always the same 'humanity is a virus', this usually then falls into a rant about how destructive we are.

To be fair, he isn't technically wrong... Humans are pretty destructive. But he seems to lump all humans into one category, regardless of how they treat him. I've been trying my best to be as inviting as possible, but he remains unshakable.

But hey, I've got quite a few more months to change his mind.

[funnuraba]

H5N1 update of the day that I know no one wants to think about: a Michigan farmer has released information about the actual conditions of an infected farm for the first time. (Report is here.) Turns out:

All along, the CDC has been severely downplaying how ill the cows are getting; some are dying of dehydration, others having spontaneous abortions

FARMERS HAVE NO IDEA THE DISEASE IS AIRBORNE. They're focusing only on fomite transmission. As a result, the infections are spreading to every cow despite the efforts this one farm made to keep them safe. Workers on the farm are all being constantly exposed to the airborne virus, with no safeguards except washing their hands.

I would expect the CDC to keep outright lying to us, failing to track H5N1, and failing to tell anyone about the actual ways to prevent spreading this incredibly dangerous pathogen. Fomite transmission will probably be a thing, but you also need high quality respirators and protection for your eyes. Trust me when I say the CDC doesn't care if you live or die at this point. You all are gonna have to spread this information on your own. Find non-CDC sources who are already doing the work on Covid. Human-to-human transmission is coming, and it'll be happening for a while before we know it's here.

Other good things to have around besides respirators, your number one best friend, always make sure you're getting a good seal;

CO2 detectors: the higher the CO2, the more infectious viral particles lingering in the air will become. For example, airplanes are a major source of infection that tend to have horrific CO2 levels, sometimes in the 2000s. (You're shooting for somewhere around 600, I believe; this does not mean there's zero risk of infection! If you unmask near someone infectious, with good CO2 levels, you can get infected!) Aranet is the Covid Conscious standard, but there are also cheaper brands out there. Focus on circulating air by opening windows or doors.

Air purifiers with HEPA-grade filters. These clean particles from the air. (Also good for pollen, pet dander, wildfire season, etc.) Wear an N95 when you clean or change the filter. For Covid you want something that cleans five times an hour; I don't know if H5N1 will be the same.

MERV-13 fabric: you can place this stuff over vents in your home to act like a respirator for the vent. I've seen someone say lower levels like MERV-10 work just as well, but can't confirm. I've also seen people using these as curtains for their doors in situations where non-maskers live in the same house; I can't confirm that works either.

Your HVAC or heat pump or whatever you have: For Covid this should be set to ON, not Auto, which will keep recirculating the same air. This also goes for your car's AC and heat. ON, not Auto!

An elastomeric mask: These are more hardcore reusable masks with P100 filters better than the N95s. Make sure you think your purchase through; I got a P100 a while back, but it turns out it doesn't work with my glasses! I did wear it around the house when I got Covid, though.

KNOWING YOUR PETS CAN ALSO CATCH IT AND SPREAD IT: Keep your cats inside and your dogs WAY AWAY from dead animals or birds, period. Pets have been catching Covid and suffering the same aftereffects this entire time. Cats exposed to H5N1- infected raw milk have a 100% death rate so far!

[bltzgore]

show me your anxiety-riddled ocs I need them for science

Oh there are so so many XD

I'll keep it to 7 of my favorites, and do my best to keep these short but still give enough background.

Tw: nonhuman characters, mentions of burning and family death, learning disability related stress, lab rat content, and dehumanizing circumstance for nonhuman characters such as being owned or abused

Fear not, I threw in a little fluff

Among the ones I go after the most:

Rook - a scrapy fierce little creature, who's response to fear is anger. He's always afraid, always worried this fleeting period of freedom with his found family will end, or later on as he develops more self awareness, that they will get sick of him and abandon him. This manifests as him getting frustrated easier, snapping at people, and occasionally just going after them. Luckily his caretaker is an ex gladiator, and an ex hit woman, so she can take it.

Enzo - a member of the same cast as Rook. He came from very dehumanizing circumstance before he got sold off. He is a people pleaser because that's how he learned to survive. So at first he was pretty nervous around his rescuer/caretaker, but that wore off pretty quickly. He took to worry about her and the others in their found family, that they'd get hurt, or found (they're on the run) not to mention he harbors alot of insecurity, very low self worth. This is something the caretaker helps amend, as she doesn't want to see him get hurt or taken advantage of.

One of my favorite symbolic demonstrations of his healing over time is his singing. Hear me out. He's a siren type creature, so he loves to sing, he's meant to. But the people who own him before punish him for it for various reasons. The longer he spends with caretaker the stronger his voice gets, it starts out with gentle songs, and moves up to powerful rock lyrics and stuff depending on his mood.

Cam (or Rally, I'm having a hard time picking a name) - a fire elemental in a world where elementals are considered highly dangerous. His family helps him hide it, but one day a fire starts in his house (he believes he started it while he was sleeping). In his fear he accidentally makes it much worse, and his parents do not make it out. He's stuck in the house in a state of panic and fear and general mourning because he can't process that his fire is just what took his family, when his caretaker to be (another elemental named Rafiki/Rafi/Raf) runs in to save him. From then on he's deeply scared that he will hurt someone again, or worse.

Thing is, we learn that he wasn't the original cause of the fire. It was an agent of the government hoping to send him into a panic. When Cam discovers this, he goes after them, getting caught and put under the control of this mind control device called the halo (its a metal ring that is affixed to the head). Then, he is forced to go after his friends. He burns Rafiki severely enough that it even gives her trauma.

Rex - a post-wolf (meaning after wolf, not one who works with mail) supersoldier. Who develops high levels of anxiety around his technical studies when he struggles with reading due to dyslexia and adhd.

Static - a very sweet bean who is among the first humans to begin developing superpowers in one of my universes due to the presence of an alien virus on earth. He's in the army when he begins developing powers, the army that advocates for killing or catching such people. He is terrified that he will be the next one dragged off to some black ops base and pulled apart like some lab rat. He finds a group of others who are hiding their powers and they do a great job protecting and hiding each other.

But one day he comes crawling back to base to get the medic while having a broken leg. The medic tends to him, then runs off to rescue his friends. But this is about the time that the higherups have put together a few things. They show up and drag him off. It is his nightmare realized. And of course his friends find and save him, but he certainly had anxiety before, it is tripped after, he has a severe case of ptsd.

Taboo - is a scorpion humanoid, he named himself as such because he thought he was just unlucky when he was little and didn't realize people were afraid of him. He is an absolute cinnamon roll (who could kill you.) And the thought of people being scared of him makes him occasionally to nervous to act and really really sad (poor boi).

Flux - Flux does not remember what he used to be. He was sure he used to have flesh parts instead of metal ones but he doesn't anymore. He is a rescued lab rat, who was pulled apart and put back together so much his trauma response became appease. So even after rescue he constantly fears that he will do something wrong, and wind up back on that table. Thing is, he could never figure out what the criteria was that got him back there at the lab, and th le rules with these new people make even less sense!

I hope this helped with your science 😁