#I got my bad feelings out by writing a post I saved as draft complaining :) I love complaining

[polarfarina]

I was going through my fandom blog and the comments I've received on fanfic to reflect on a certain negative experience I had but actually was overwhelmed with tons of really positive messages that people have left me over the years and it makes me want to re-engage with fandom like that again so bad. But I know it's not the same as it was in 2018/2019... like people don't send asks or reblog posts like they used to

[sirfrogsworth]

I keep wanting to write the ultimate post on autotune but I just never quite finish. I think there are 3 versions of almost-done autotune posts in my drafts.

So I'm going to leave out the technical and try to simplify my points.

Autotune is not the devil.

It is not good or bad.

It is just a tool.

It can be used well.

It can be used poorly.

And most importantly...

Autotune cannot make you sound good.

In fact, reverb and EQ can do more to make a bad singer sound okay than autotune.

All autotune does is correct pitch.

Singer sings the wrong note.

Autotune shifts that note.

Nothing about that makes you a better-sounding singer. It doesn't change your tone. It doesn't give you more range. It doesn't give you more power or dynamics. It doesn't give you vibrato.

It just makes you... in tune.

I have never heard anyone say of a great singer, "Wow, they are so in tune!" No one cries over a beautiful performance because the singer hit all the right notes.

And I guess if you are wildly out of tune, people might say you are a bad singer, but I would actually say that makes you an *inexperienced* singer. And whether you are good or bad cannot really be determined until the tuning issues are addressed. (Which most of the time is just a matter of training and practice.)

Good singers can sing the wrong note. It happens quite a lot, actually. Especially with material they aren't familiar with yet. In fact, every singer hits wrong notes. Even people with perfect pitch hit the wrong note. They just know immediately when it happens. This is because singing a note is a physical action and if your vocal mechanisms are not warmed up or you have a cold or the temperature is hot or cold, it is impossible to know if you are going to hit the perfect pitch at any given time.

This is why people warm up and rehearse and do scales before actually singing anything.

Autotune's main use is to fix good takes that have a few sour notes. That is what it is used for 95% of the time. Otherwise you are burning through expensive studio time doing take after take until you hit every single note at the perfect pitch. Sometimes a singer will do an AMAZEBALLS version of a take and they hit one sour note and instead of trying to create that lightning-in-a-bottle moment again, they just nudge the one note and save the performance.

You do not notice autotune the vast majority of the time. If it is used properly, autotune artifacts are completely inaudible.

In fact, I would argue that autotune makes inexperienced singers sound worse. That robotic sound you sometimes hear means the singers were very out of tune. The more out of tune you are, the worse autotune sounds. The more in tune you are, the more invisible it is.

There are very few people who are actually tone deaf. Which means everyone can be taught to sing in tune with decent consistency. And so if there is an instance where someone uses a lot of very obvious sounding autotune, it means they weren't interested in practicing. Or that they got tired of doing multiple takes and had better things to do.

And it isn't that they are a *bad* singer necessarily, but they are probably a lazy one.

Now, there is a different discussion about using autotune to "fix" notes that probably don't need to be fixed. Some variation in pitch can be a good thing. It can show emotion and give notes some spicy flavor. Sometimes singers will start out of tune and shift up to the right note. Like a vocal guitar bend. Being perfectly in tune can sound sterile. And sometimes overzealous producers will let their perfectionism get the better of them and make sure every single note is accurate to the cent and it brings a lifeless feel to the song.

When musicians complain about autotune, this is usually what they are talking about. Not some nepo baby with a record deal who couldn't be bothered to practice their song enough to get it mostly in tune when they sing it.

You should only use autotune to fix pitch when a note truly feels wrong. Like, it is so out of tune that it breaks your immersion.

Otherwise, leave it spicy.

[newhologram]

"wow im sowwy i have such low spoons i couldn't possibly put an image ID in my post, can someone else do it for me uwu"

just admit you don't give two shits about people who use screen readers. you wrote up a whole ass text post with an image but your energy magically stops when it's time to be inclusive? lmao no. if you can't spare the energy to add an ID to that then don't post it at all you fucking cunt. and you don't get to act like it's a massive fucking burden on you that you have to shove off to someone else. actually vile behaviour from someone who's literally complaining about ableism. i hate this shit ass community

^ So this is actually ableism. ^ Lots of very nasty ableist projecting here which is disappointing but quite common on this site.

Chronic pain, fatigue, and brain fog are a thing. Limitations are a thing. My pain and meds wrecking my cognitive function, my symptoms demanding I take a break so I don’t go into the red and puke are a thing. My very nerve pain from using my hands is literally why I had to give up so many things, and why I can’t edit or type that much in a given day. It’s called disability for a reason.

(I queue most posts after chipping away at them. Only some posts are spontaneous.)

This is why we even use the concept of spoons. If I need to stop and save spoons to drive an hour to my doctor appt, or even just save them to cook a meal later, then I HAVE to do that. And I’d rather post something and ask for assistance from others who feel up to it than have a post keep sitting in my drafts for months and months. I have 2 year old posts I just can’t get my brain working for.

You’re so close with “energy magically disappeared”—so close. Bc that’s actually how disability and chronic illness is. Moment to moment we don’t know how we’re going to feel or when we’ll need to take a break.

It’s so funny bc the reason my backlog has gotten so much bigger over the past 3 years is bc I take so long to subtitle clips and write ID’s.

I’m not mad at you, but boundary-wise, it isn’t okay for you to take out your frustration with the community on me just bc I’m an easy and accessible target to anon rage at. I would recommend talking about this stuff in your journal or with a trusted friend or mental health professional before running off to say mean things you may later feel bad about.

Thank you to those who have always helped to ID things without judgment or projection. It seriously means so much bc I’ve got a lot on my plate with my health and home and job rn. I’m grateful for your kindness and for you seeing me as human and not just a content creation machine. I’m glad to be part of a community that understands that it’s okay to ask for help and to help each other. I’m glad we don’t have this unhealthy mindset of “I MUST do it myself or I’m a bad person.”

🙏🏻💙🥄♿️✨

[sarkos]

One of the terrible things about a new Special Interest™ is inevitably running into Bad Takes, and I think I'm going to have to break this into chunks, since the last time I did longform writing I was also dealing with a stomach flu, so I was more incoherent than usual.

I watched a Youtube video, and I'm not about to become the kind of person who writes in comment sections. The two most egregious failings were that Chisato didn't get development and he took Majima seriously (That's going to have to be it's own post, so I don't go apeshit over the "Indirect kiss" interpretation.)

I don't have a big gripe, there was some good information (I hadn't heard the "unfilmable" version ended with them drowning the bad guys in a pool of blood, which while METAL isn't going to get a Sanrio crossover like the broadcast version.) The guy has the other brand of brainworms, but some of my most cherished screencaps are from 4chan Toonami liveblogs where anons are talking about loving LycoReco, so insert that "I love this thing"/"Worst guy you ever met " cartoon I usually reserve for gunpla discussions.

I think part of it is not getting "Takina as transfer student" which I got after watching PMMM (Yes, I watched it due to the Homura/Takina post, but that's a photoset in drafts). Chisato is an established character, and we're introduced to her legend and lore (heck we only hear about her dog from a picture) while we're introduced with Takina and see her evolve, in comparison, we unlock Chisato lore, but we see her change in response to Takina .

We're introduced to her having already rejecting assassination for pacifism, having literally built a Coffeeshop AU for herself, and already having accepted her own death (like an actual Stoic) and dedicating herself to being remembered fondly by people she's helped. In a way, we see parts of this in flashback, but it's still there for sequels and Gaiden stories. If we see Chisato go to living her own life AND Takina taking back her agency from DA the story feels used up.

Which isn't to say by not having an "arc" Chisato doesn't change. We see her close the Coffee shop once she gets an actual estimate of how long she's got to live, which again I see people confused by. Given how much we see Chisato lied to, even with her best interests, like Mika's heartwrenching confession scene, she likely hasn't been given an actual life expectancy. It was genuinely horrifying to learn the Lycoris service lasts until 18 from Mika and Yoshi's conversation that that was when her heart would probably give out, and then find out she's 17 during the series. (Which makes Yoshi's plan of attack take place when he knows all the more disgusting).

But she realizes she doesn't have much time left she stops playing a waitress to get her affairs in order, like her "dying wish" to get Takina reinstated in DA she's taken care of (as much as DA can care). Likewise, she violates her code against killing twice, using live conventional ammo to save Takina, and again to throw herself and Majima off the tower while she's disabled and he threatens Takina.

Admittedly, I feel like I'm rehashing my gripe about the RLM Predator video where I complain a lot of people haven't been in a deadly situation, so seeing a depiction of someone in those situations doesn't read right to them, but I've engaged in the least American of Pastimes, contemplating my own mortality and deciding whether my sense of morality is worth my own life or someone else's. So I feel like it's a mug's game to say character development only occurs in an arc just as much as the people who see everything in TV Tropes lists.

[livvyofthelake]

1, 4, 8, 18, 19 <333 a lot but I love the way you hate 🫂

1) the character everyone gets wrong

i already said arthur but since you didn’t specify a fandom i will use this space to complain about the shadowhunter chronicles <3 nobody on earth understands my girl isabelle lightwood it’s sick and twisted. i can’t even think about how bad the tv show fumbled her it makes me so angry i want to start screaming. like. congratulations everyone you fell for the femme fatale front she was putting up… even the people who were supposed to be writing her and understanding her character it’s ridiculous like none of that is what cassie wrote and i read…

4) what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

again i already answered this but one time i blocked someone because their icon looked really weird and they spam liked and it freaked me out seeing their icon so much. me when i’m so normal and nice i guess.

8) common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

WHEN BBC MERLIN FANS. actually i could finish this answer right there couldn’t i… no i’ll finish for real. when bbc merlin fans are like ohhhh why did the show do (insert widely known story beat from centuries of legends) like girl it was ALWAYS going to happen that way that’s the point….. mordred was always going to turn on arthur, morgana was always going to become evil, etc. yes there are issues with HOW the show did that stuff (meaning they did it in such stupid ways it’s laughable) but that’s the story… it’s BEEN set come on…

18) it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

can i say that i think all fandoms (on tumblr) really sleep on straight ships or is that an insane thing to say. like sometimes i don’t care if that man was homoerotic with his pal and it’s insane that you care more about that than his awesomely written relationship with his girlfriend/ex fiancée/some kind of love interest. ok this is about izombie this is about liv and major. i don’t care about major and ravi!!!!!!! major and liv are literally endgame grow up!!!! but no this is also true for every fandom ever. the way people ignore a man’s canonical female love interest if he has even one ounce of gay tension with some other dude in the show is ridiculous idk

19) you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

i guess i’m supposed to say ben barnes shadow and bone here or whatever. but i’m not actually mad about it because i’m a born apologist and knew this would happen. but i feel like i’m supposed to not like him. or i’m supposed to like him but righteous fandom people think it’s activism to not like him and therefore they would hate me sooo much because i formulate my own opinions with nuance and depth or whatever. also rumplestiltskin once upon a time. robert carlyle you got to me man… i could write essay length posts about that character actually don’t get me started. also i finished this question, saved the draft, and then another ask reminded me of the wilds, so i should also add that in hindsight i’m very embarrassed about the way i acted about the wilds season 2…. like i can’t believe you all let me act like that about men. in the feminist lord of the flies show…. why was i allowed to do that seriously that was sick….

[your-denki-kun]

Gaming

Eijirou X Denki X Reader

A/N: This one-shot is a few months old. I have like 137 drafts of which only a few posted and a few unfinished, so I decided to post at least one tonight. So here it is. It's bad and I know it, but I really wanted to post. Also, I don’t play COD, so don’t come at me being all angry that i got stuff wrong. I write, read and play Minecraft, Sims and that kind of games. Also sorry for any spelling mistakes, English is not my first language.

What: Angst, sad, cursing, fluff

Word count:  4.6K+

~3rd person pov.~

After a long day at school you go to sit on your bed after starting your PS4. You get comfortable on your bed and put on your headset. You start up Call of Duty and wait for it to load. Once it's done you go into a random online match and turn on your mic so you can talk with your teammates.

''We're killing these fuckers.'' An aggressive, male voice says, a speaker appearing behind the name; King Explosion Murder.

''Calm down King, they're new to this.'' Another male voice says, the speaker appearing behind the name; Red Riot.

''Yeah King, Red is right.'' Yet another guy says, his name is Charge Bolt.

''Guys, calm down.'' Another male, Spidy Man, says.

''Yeah!'' A girl, Pinky, says.

''Shut it extra's!'' King barks.

''Calm down bro, the game is starting.'' Red says, the numbers on your screen counting down.

''Lets win this shit.'' King says, you can basically hear the smirk in his voice.

As the timer hits zero you run off, walking through the map and searching for a good snipper spot. Once you find one you take out some people, your teammates talking to one another, but you choose to ignore them. As no more people appear you go to look for another spot, taking out someone while looking for it.

''FUCK!!'' King yells as you see he died.

''My ears man.'' Charge Bolt whines.

''Shut it Pikachu!''

''Hey!''

''Guys, focus.'' Red sighs.

They keep talking, but you tune them out once again and keep taking out people. As you shoot someone else the winning screen appears. You smirk as you see you killed the most people. Everyone cheers except King who's just grumbling. You tune everyone back in in order to be able to follow the conversation.

''So manly, BB!'' Red cheers.

''Woo! Finaly someone who's better than King!'' Pinky cheers.

''Nice.'' Spidy says.

''Shut it! We're playing another game!'' King barks.

''No need to be salty.'' You mumble.

''Ohh~'' Everyone except King says.

''SHUT IT EXTRA!!'' King barks.

''Come on King. They're new.'' Red chuckles.

The new game starts and you repeat what you did before. This goes on for multiple rounds, you barely talking and if you talk it's mostly a comment on King. As the night ends you go offline and shut off your Playstation. You get ready for bed and lay down, getting comfortable as you let sleep take over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next two months you keep running into the group of friends and slowly you start opening up to them, actually talking and working together with them. Everyone's scores go up and even King starts accepting you, clearly favoring you over everyone else in the group. That is something the others often complain about.

''King, go a bit to your right behind the wall, I can't get a clear shot.'' You say.

''Got it.'' Is all he says as he aims at the person and kills them.

''Why are you so good at this BB?'' Charge Bolt whines.

''Well, my brother taught me and I play a lot. Red, left, behind the stack of boxes. Like, I play a lot a lot.'' You shrug as you shoot someone.

''Lets just focus on the mission.'' Spidy sighs.

''Got it.'' You all, minus King, reply, going silent once again except the occasional instruction.

Just like always you guys win the round and Red, Spidy, Charge Bolt and Pinky compliment you just like always. You just brush it off and you all start another round. After a few rounds Spidy, Pinky and King have to leave, but Red Riot and Charge Bolt stay. You three play a few more rounds before just deciding to talk.

''So you're telling me none of you guys have ever met?'' You ask in disbelieve.

''Yeah, King doesn't want it and he's always here because we don't play unless he's online. Though that did change since you're here now, but we just never really thought about it anymore.'' Red explains.

''Well, how about we three meet up?''

''Really?'' Red and Charge Bolt ask.

''Yeah, I trust you guys and we can meet up in a public place.'' You shrug, indifferent about your won idea.

''Sure thing.'' Charge Bolt says.

''Great. Okay so I'll tell you guys my number, but don't give it to the others.''

''We don't have their number.'' Red shrugs.

''Okay. So my number is; 0X-XXXX-XXXX.''

''Great, I'll text you. You can make a group chat and we can decide when to meet up.'' Charge Bolt explains.

''Sure thing. Bye guys.''

''Bye.''

You disconnect and wait for them to text you. When they do you save them in your contact list before making a group chat. You name it; Gaming Idiots and wait for them to send something. You don't have to wait long for them to do so.

~Gaming Idiots~

Red Riot Do I need to feel offended?

Charge Bolt No idea bro

You Nah, don't feel offended

Red Riot Okay

Charge Bolt So when are we meeting and where?

Red Riot This Saturday?

You Sure, at the mall in Hosu?

Charge Bolt Sure thing

Red Riot Fine by me

The three of you keep texting for a while until you say good bye because you're almost falling asleep. The rest of the week you guys don't bring up the meeting in front of the others, only mentioning it in the group chat or when you guys are the only ones online. Right now it's Saturday and you're at the mall, waiting for the two males to show up.

You glance around at all the people that are walking around the mall. They both told you what they look like and you did the same. Red Riot said he has red hair and is decently tall while Charge Bolt says he has golden blond hair and isn't all that tall. Red also mentioned something about being buff, which made Charge Bolt jealous because he isn't, or so he says.

As you look around you spot two males, fitting the descriptions you were given, looking around as if they're searching for something. Deciding to test your luck you walk over to them. The closer you get the more sure you are it is them. As you reach them they stare at you, as if waiting for you to confirm things.

''Red Riot? Charge Bolt?'' You ask softly, hoping you're right.

''BB?'' The two of them reply in sync.

''Yes.''

''Cool, we all found each other. Me and Charge Bolt saw each other a bit ago. Have you been here long?''

''Nah, just a few minutes. My real name is (y/n) by the way.''

''Kirishima.''

''Kaminari, nice to meet you gorgeous.'' Kaminari smirks confidently.

''You're the flirt I see. Anyway, what do you guys want to do?''

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Months go by and the three of you meet up almost weekly. You've developed a crush for the both of them and you have a feeling they have as well. You aren't sure however, but the way you all get flustered and blush a lot is a good indicator. Right now you're on your way to Kirishima's house where you all decided to meet up. You knock on the door and wait.

''Ah, (y/n). You made it. Come in.'' Kirishima smiles as he steps aside to let you in.

''Thanks.'' You smile as you walk past him and into the house.

You take off your shoes and walk further into the house. You soon spot the living room and walk in only to see Kaminari sitting on the ground in front of the coffee table. He smiles at you and waves you over, to which you comply. Kirishima sits down with you guys pretty soon and you look at their nervous faces.

''Something wrong?'' You ask them worriedly.

''We want to tell you something.'' Kirishima starts, avoiding eye contact.

''Okay.''

''We've known each other for a while now and.... We started liking you. Would you be our partner?'' Kaminari blurts out, also avoiding eye contact.

''Of course.'' You smile as you hug them both.

They stare at you in shock for a bit before they start laughing as they hold you close. As you all break the hug after a while you all talk and laugh. When it becomes late Denki walks you home before going to his own house, which you and Eijirou really apreciated. You've never been a big fan of walking outside alone in the dark.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

''Guys, we should all meet up.'' Pinky states as you all wait for the new round to start.

''Sure, I don't see why not.'' Eijirou says and you can basically hear him shrug.

''Why not.'' Denki hums.

''Sure.'' You mumble as a reply.

''When?'' Is all Spidy asks.

''What-fucking-ever.''

''Such colorful vocabulary.'' You joke as you roll your eyes.

''YOU WANNA GO?!?!'' King barks into your ears.

''My ears man!'' Eijirou whines loudly.

''How about this Saturday at the mall in Hosu?'' Pinky suggests as the round starts.

''Sure, it's crowded so if any of you are creeps I'll be safe.'' You shrug as you shoot someone.

''Don't worry BB. Me and Red will protect you.'' Denki says in a confident tone.

''You're dead.'' You deadpan as you see his name fade.

''WHAT?!?!'' Denki exclaims loudly.

''Jezus. Could you all quit yelling.'' You groan as you slightly shake your head.

''We both know this was gonna happen BB.'' Eijirou sighs softly, amusement clear in his voice.

''But he didn't have to yell.''

''True, but still.'' Eijirou replies to which you sigh.

You all keep talking until King says he's leaving because it's getting late even though it's only nine thirty, but he always goes to bed at this time. As you shut off your Playstation you hear your phone ding, causing you to smile. You grab your phone and unlock it, seeing Denki send something in the groupchat.

~Gaming Idiots~

Denki<3 But I wasn't kidding, Pichu, we will protect you

Eiji<3 Denks is right. We will

You I know, but it's fun teasing you Denki

Eiji<3 You both looking forward to Saturday?

Denki<3 Mhm! I'm curious as to what they look like

You Well one will have wrinkles from all the shouting and scowling

Denki<3 XD fnwfelsfflwnjk

Eiji<3 That's rude, but it is true

And so you guys keep texting until it's late into the night and you're all barely awake. The next two days you all play every night and you text your boyfriends until late into the night on both days. Right now it's Saturday, about eleven in the morning and you're getting ready. You know Eijirou and Denki will be there soon, so you quickly finish up.

Just as you put the last things in your pockets and bag you hear the door bell ring and a smile appears on your face. You walk over to the front door and put on your shoes and coat. After that you open the door and smile brightly. Your two boyfriends do the same, wearing some simple clothes just like you.

''Hey, Pichu, you ready?'' Denki asks as he gives you a quick kiss.

''Hey, Babes. I'm ready.'' You smile as you walk outside and lock your door.

''Good.'' Eijirou smiles as he gives you a kiss as well.

The three of you start walking towards the mall as you all talk and laugh, memories of your first meeting flooding all your minds. As you all reach the mall you look around, looking for anyone fitting any of the descriptions given to the three of you. You soon spot an annoyed looking, ash blond guy.

''Guys, isn't that King?'' You ask your boyfriends as you point at the guy.

''You might be right. Lets go check if it is.'' Eijirou smiles as he starts walking.

You and Denki follow after him, all of you pushing past people and excusing yourselves. As you reach whom you assume is King a pink haired girl and a black haired guy also walk up to him. You look at Eijirou and Denki and they just nod. Now you are almost a hundred percent sure it's King.

''King?'' You ask as you reach the man.

''Yes, who the fuck are you?''

''(y/n), but better known as BB.'' You smile at him.

''Kirishima, better known as Red Riot.''

''Kaminari, better known as Charge Bolt.''

''Ashido, but you guys know me as Pinky.'' The pink haired girl smiles.

''Sero, but you know me as Spidy Guy.'' The black guy smiles.

''Bakugou.'' is all King says.

''now that we're all here and know names, how about we get something to eat and drink before we just do whatever?'' you suggest as you look at them.

''sure.'' they all reply.

you start walking to your favorite coffee shop which you always go to with Eijirou and Denki whenever you guys are here. Two said males smile once they notice and grin at one another. Cheerful chatter fills the air around the six of you. As you all reach the coffee shop you all order and sit down. You sit in between Eijirou and Denki, Bakugou sits in front of you, Ashido in front of Eijirou and Sero in front of Denki.

''This is so exciting.'' Sshido gushes as she takes a sip of her drink.

''Mhm, I finally have faces with the voices and names.'' You smile as you take a sip as well.

''Yeah, that is nice. We should totally exchange numbers though. That way we can talk without having to play.'' Denki chimes in.

You all keep talking while eating and drinking. Once you all finish Eijirou pays and you all start walking around, walking into random shops and buying random things. As you're looking at some books together with Eijirou and Denki you feel someone stare at you intently, so you look behind you and lock eyes with Bakugou's burning gaze.

''Pebble, something wrong?'' Eijirou asks worried.

''Bakugou is staring at us rather intensely.'' You mumble as you keep staring at him.

''Then ask him what's wrong.'' Denki shrugs as he grabs another book.

You simply nod and walk over to Bakugou, never once breaking eye contact. He doesn't move towards you or away from you as he follows you with his eyes. As you reach him you stand in front of him and look up slightly seeing he's taller than you. He glares down at you, eyes burning with something you can't quiet place.

''Something wrong Bakugou?''

''Why the fuck are you so close with Shitty hair and Dunce face?''

''Can't I be?''

''You fucking can, but it's different. Soy sauce and Pinky are close as well, but you three are acting fucking off.''

''Not everyone is the same Bakugou.'' You deadpan with a soft sigh.

''Just fucking tell me, do you already know the other extras?''

''I d-''

''Ie! Denki!'' You hear Eijirou exclaim, causing you to look back.

You see Denki laughing as he runs off with Eijirou chasing him, a playful yet annoyed look on his face. Sighing you walk away from Bakugou and towards your two idiotic boyfriends. First you grab Denki by the back off his collar, causing him to yelp. Next you do the same with Eijirou. They both look at you sheepishly as you sigh.

''Behave.''

''Yes.'' They both reply.

You nod and let the both of them go. They sigh in relief, but that's short lived as you hit the both of them at the back of the head. They both yelp in pain and rub the back of their heads as they weakly glare at you. You simply smile at them and ruffle their hair. You hear someone stomp over and look behind you to see Bakugou.

''Fucking spit it out!'' He barks as he glares dagers at the three of you.

''Spit what out?'' Eijirou and Denki ask confused.

''Do you guys fucking know each other?''

''Of course, we all game together.'' Denki asks, confused at the question.

''That's not what he means. He means if we know each other outside of the gaming.'' You explain, not looking at him but Bakugou.

''Ah, yeah we do.'' Denki smiles obliviously.

''Denki.'' Both you and Eijirou groan, he can be too dumb for his own good sometimes.

''What did I do?'' He asks worried.

''We promised to meet up all at once and not separately, remember?'' Eijirou asks him.

''Ohhh, right. We did promise that.'' Denki mumbles. ''Oopsie.''

''Dunce face!'' Bakugou barks.

''Back off Bakugou. He might be an idiot, but he's our idiot.'' You say in a low, threatening voice.

''YOU'RE ALL PIECES OFF SHIT!! FUCKING LIARS!! I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU!! NEVER FUCKING SPEAK TO ME AGAIN!!'' Bakugou yells as he stomps off and out of the store.

''Well, that happened.'' You mumble, but as you look at your boyfriends you see their teary eyes.

''Ei? Denki?'' You ask as you walk closer.

''He hates us......We promised to always be there and....Now he hates us.'' Eijirou mumbles as he looks at you with sad eyes.

''Ohh, Ei, he'll turn around.'' You shush him softly as you hug him.

''He won't. He's the reason Ear Jack isn't in the group anymore. She kept canceling whenever we decided to all come online and Bakugou blew up on her.'' Denki mumbles as tears fill his eyes to the brim.

''I'm sorry. I didn't know.'' You whisper as you pull him into the hug as well.

''What happened here?'' Ashido asks worried.

''Bakugou blew up on us. Something about hating us and never wanting to talk to us again.'' You explain, holding your boyfriends close.

''I see. Well, it was nice knowing you guys. Bye.'' Sero says as he waves and walks off.

''Bye.''

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

''Come one guys, cheer up a bit.'' You whisper as you look at your two sad boyfriends.

''We lost our friend, Pichu.'' Denki mumbles as his eyes fill with tears again.

''He hates us. We failed him.'' Eijirou mumbles as he hugs himself close.

They've been like this for two weeks now and it isn't helping you either. You were the one who suggested meeting up in the first place, only the three of you. 'If I didn't ask them to meet up with me, just us, non of this would have happened. This is my fault.' You think as you walk out of Eijirou's house where Denki has been staying since that day.

You walk to the park and google Bakugou's number, finding some social media pages linked to it. After a bit you see a house, with a house number. He's standing in front of the house together with a green haired guy who seems to be the same age. You recognize the buildings and start walking to the neighborhood where those houses stand.

As you walk around you try to find his house, different scenarios running through your mind. After a while you see the house and walk up to it. Sighing you ring the doorbell and wait. After a bit a female version of Bakugou opens the door. You assume it's his mom. She looks at you in shock before smiling brightly.

''Hello, what can I do for you?'' She asks sweetly.

''I’m here for Bakugou. I'm a friend of his and I want to talk to him.'' You explain.

''Come in. KATSUKI!!'' She yells as she turns away from you and walks into the house.

''WHAT YOU OLD HAG?!?!'' Bakugou's voice yells back.

''THERE'S SOMEONE HERE FOR YOU!! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!!'' She turns back to you and smiles. ''You can sit in the living room.''

''I'll stand right here, ma'am.'' You smile with a slight bow of your head.

You hear feet stomp down the stairs and look up, seeing and annoyed Bakugou stomping down them. Once he sees you his look turns even more annoyed and even angry. You look at him with a neutral face as the mom walks into the kitchen after excusing herself. Bakugou walks over to you with a burning glare.

''What the fuck are you doing here?'' He hisses.

''It was my idea. I suggested to meet up, just the three of us. I asked if you guys ever met up and they said no. It was my idea. Don't punish them for my mistake.'' You state, meeting his gaze and holding it.

''And why the fuck would I believe you?'' He asks in a skeptical voice.

''I have no reason to lie to you. Eijirou and Denki are hurting, they're devastated that they lost you. Hate me all you want, god you can wish me death, but at least accept them into the games. You don't have to be buddy buddy with them, but they need you.''

''Bullshit.''

''Believe what you want. Deep down you know they're devastated and that it was never their intention to hurt you like this. I caught them off guard and got us to meet, it was my idea. That's all I have to say. Do with it what you want. I'll be leaving now. Bye.'' You say as you turn to the door and walk out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The doorbell of your house rings, causing you to frown. You walk over to the door you open it and see Bakugou, causing your frown to deepen. You open the door and let him in. He walks past you, takes off his shoes and walks deeper into the house, eventually sitting down on the couch. You follow after him, frown not leaving.

''What are you doing here?'' You ask as you sit down on a chair facing the couch.

''Where are Shitty hair and Dunce face?''

''At Eijirou's house. They haven't left it after that day.''

''Shitty hair has his own house?'' Bakugou asks surprised, although he doesn't really show it.

''Yeah, me and Eijirou have our own houses. Denki still lives at home just like you.''

''Get them to come over.''

''Okay.'' You take your phone out of your pocket and call Eijirou, putting the phone on speaker, causing Bakugou to frown.

''Pebble, we are not going outside and coming over. You know we aren't in the mood.'' Eijirou's tired voice mumbles after two rings.

''I know, Ei. I know.'' You whisper as your eyes sadden.

''Then why did you call?'' Denki mumbles as you glance at Bakugou who looks shocked.

''There is someone here who would like to talk to you guys.'' You sigh as you hand the phone to Bakugou. ''Hurt them and I hurt you. I'll be at the store. I'll be back in half an hour.''

Bakugou nods as you walk over to the door, put on your shoes and leave. Bakugou looks at the phone as Eijirou and Denki keep calling for you and asking who it is. Bakugou takes a deep breath and shakes his head to get rid of the thoughts. By now it's silent on the other end.

''Is it fucking true it was their idea?''

''....Bakugou?'' The both of them ask softly.

''Answer the fucking question.'' Bakugou groans in annoyance.

''It was. They suggested to meet up. Why are you at their place? I thought you hated us and wanted nothing to do with us.'' Eijirou mumbles defeated.

''They came to my fucking house four days ago and explained it was their idea, not fucking yours. I just wanted to fucking make sure.''

''Okay.'' They mumble softly.

''Oi.''

''Yeah?''

''Sorry or whatever. You guys can join games again and text or whatever. And don't make me fucking regret that shit.''

''We won't!'' The both of them cheer.

The three of them talk until you come home. You're glad to hear their cheerful voices over the phone. Bakugou looks at you with his usual scowl and holds the phone out to you. You shake your head, walk over and mute yourself. Bakugou frowns and it only deepens when he sees your teary eyes.

''This is all my fault. Here is Eijirou's address, you can go there and talk to them face to face if you want. Don't bother coming here again. I'll take responsibility for what I did.'' You whisper as you take the phone, unmute it and take a deep breath. ''Bakugou is on his way to you guys, bye.''

''What the fuck are you doing?'' Bakugou asks as he gets up and stares down at you.

''The right thing.'' You whisper as you walk over to your bedroom and close the door behind you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next two weeks you cry a lot, ignore Eijirou's and Denki's texts and calls and when they're at the door you also don't respond. You know you're worrying them, but you can't bring yourself to face them after everything you made them go through. they were heartbroken when Bakugou broke off contact.

''OPEN THE FUCK UP!!'' You hear Bakugou bark as he bangs on your door violently.

''Go away.'' You mumble before walking away from the door.

''I SAID OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!!''

''Just go away! Leave me alone! I deserve it! I hurt them so much! It's all my fault!'' You exclaim as tears stream down your face.

''BULLSHIT!! OPEN THE DOOR!!''

''NO!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! I DON'T DESERVE THEM!! IF IT WASN'T FOR ME NON OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!! THEY WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN HURT LIKE THAT!!'' You exclaim as you fall to the ground.

''Fuck it.'' Is all the warning you get before you door falls to the ground. ''LISTEN HERE YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!! YOU'RE FUCKING HURTING THEM RIGHT NOW!! MAN THE FUCK UP AND TALK TO THEM!!''

''No!''

''GOD DAMNED IT DON'T BE FUCKING STUBBORN!! YOU'RE ALL FUCKING HURTING!!'' He yells as he walks over and grabs your collar, lifting you up so you're face to face. ''Fucking talk to them. This shit isn't helping. Go over to Shitty hair's house and fucking talk to them.''

''I can't.'' You whisper in defeat as a sob escapes. ''I can't! I can't bring myself to do it! Whenever I see their picture flash across my screen I fucking break down! I can't!''

''Fuck it.'' Bakugou grumbles before slinging you over his shoulder.

You eyes widen in shock as Bakugou walks over to the door and steps over it, walking out off your apartment. You trash in his hold and yell at him to let you go as you sob and hit his back. He just stays silent as he walks to Eijirou's house. Once he reaches it he harshly knocks on the door, by now you're just limply hanging on his shoulder.

''Hey, wh-(y/n)? Bakugou?'' Eijirou asks confused. ''What is this?''

''Let me the fuck in.''

''Of course.''

Eijirou steps aside and Bakugou walks in, heading to the living room after kicking off his shoes. He throws you onto the couch and walks out of the house again. You just lay motionless on the couch with your face buried in the cushions. Denki and Eijirou stare at you with worry and confusion as they sit on the chairs facing the couch.

''Pichu?'' Denki whispers softly, breaking the tens and awkward silence.

''Pebble, talk to us please.'' Eijirou pleads softly.

''It's my fault. All of this is my fault.'' You mumble as you push yourself up and hug your legs to your chest.

''What do you mean, Pichu?''

''If I hadn't asked you guys to meet up non of this would have happened.''

''We could have said no to your offer, we're just as much at fault.'' Eijirou says in a caring voice.

''I surprised you guys.''

'Iis this why you've been ignoring us?'' Denki whispers softly as he gets up and walks over.

''I just feel so guilty and I....I feel like I don't deserve this.'' You mumbles as you glance at him with teary eyes.

''You do deserve this, Pebble. We don't hold any of this against you and we never will. I get why you feel like this, but there is no reason for you to feel like this.'' Eijirou says with a gentle smile as he walks over.

''You promise?'' You almost whimper.

''We promise. Now are we good again?''

''Yeah.''

[wordsinwinters]

Then Again, Part 26 (Peter Parker x Reader)

Masterlist (with AO3 links)

Total word count: 50,293

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25,

Summary: After an intense argument and a forced-to-share-the-bed situation during their junior year decathlon trip, Peter and the Reader examine their faults and failings. As they attempt to fix their mistakes and improve their friendship, that friendship quickly begins to evolve into something else.

Slow burn fic in which all characters are included and their dynamics explored; multiple character POVs.

Betas: @girl-tips-from-satan and @fanboyswhereare-you

A/N: This isn’t my favorite chapter, but it’s been sitting in my drafts for over a year and I figured if I don’t post it now, I’ll never move on to the next. Additionally, as always, I live for feedback. 😉

Without further ado,

Then Again Part 26:

(Words: 2,825)

The bus ride will probably get boring soon, or at least as long as the girls stay asleep, but even as quiet as it is, it’s almost a perfect morning. Being early (around 6:00, I think?), there’s barely any light except street lamps and car lights, but some of the clouds on the right have caught a pretty bluish purple tinge. It reminds me of that Rainbow Fish book Aunt May used to read to me as a kid. To make it better, the morning air is chilly enough that the driver turned the heaters on low so it’s wrapped-in-a-blanket-while-it-snows warm in here. Although that also might be why, apart from general dirt and old gum, the strongest smell on the bus is salty grease— since the nearest heater is under the seat Flash spilled french fries and chicken nuggets in yesterday. It could be worse, though. I mean, it’s not necessarily a bad smell and the traffic isn’t horrible. It’s not the best, but it could definitely be louder and a lot slower. The field of flowing red tail lights ahead of us is oddly comforting, like a snail-slow pasture of mechanical color. 

All in all, it’s a pretty cozy start for a dreaded five hour bus ride. It’s giving me quiet time to think. So that’s where I’m at. Or should be. I got some stuff organized in my head last night even if I keep getting distracted now. Well, it was more like a couple hours ago, since I wasn’t able to get to sleep for so long after we said goodnight. But anyway, I’m trying to focus. It’s just hard, even with both of them sleeping.

From my and Ned’s spot behind them, watching the girls’ heads gently shake and bump against each other as the bus shudders through potholes is kind of calming. They seem so peaceful from this angle, like two people who’ve never pranked me and Ned to the point we were nearly suspended, or kept us awake and annoyed by asking paradoxical hypothetical questions because they know how Ned and I will argue for days if we don’t agree on an answer, or anything else like that. It’s like finding two mischievous cats sleeping, curled up on a chair. It’s easier to appreciate them when they aren’t causing chaos. But it’s not that hard to appreciate them when they are anyway.

Though Ned and I won’t admit it when they’re fully awake, seeing their heads smack into the seat in front of them each time the bus lurched to a halt at stoplights (during the first ten minutes after they’d fallen asleep) was funnier than it should’ve been. Even knowing then that we wouldn’t mention it later didn’t stop us from exchanging silent laughs when they leaned back up, muttering unintelligible complaints before settling their heads back onto one another. For the last couple stoplights before the highway, at least, we decided to be better friends. We both stood up with one leg on the floor and one knee on our own seat so we could easily hold their foreheads back each time it happened. Again, I wouldn’t admit this out loud, even to Ned, but it’s a little bit funny that Ned was a split second slower than me, so while I kept catching MJ’s head before the stop, he half-smacked Y/N’s forehead, like a really-close-to-the-floor basketball dribble, and made a wincing face each time. A lot of times. But it did stop her from colliding with the seat, and she didn’t wake up or complain. 

As nice as it is with them and almost everyone else sleeping through the dark, quiet first hour of the bus trek back to New York, I am excited for her and MJ to wake up. Whenever that is. I’ve missed them. 

But anyway, I really need to focus. God. I’m not doing a great job of that this morning. Apparently. So I’m focusing now. It’s like Ned said. I need to be honest with myself. 

Okay. 

Alright. 

No distractions. 

I’m going to set myself straight now, before we get back, so I can make a game plan and be more decisive and make less mistakes. Fewer? Yeah, fewer mistakes. She’s told me that half a dozen times this since she read that grammar book last summer. But that’s not important.

If I’m being honest... I think I’ve avoided the real possibility that things could work out between us because it felt too risky. And I make some dumb, impulsive choices. So that’s saying a lot. If she said no, what’s the worst that could happen? May and Ned have been asking me that for months, and it’s been so frustrating. The answer should be obvious. The worst thing wouldn’t be the rejection, it’d be if it made her uncomfortable and she broke off our friendship. Or, even if she stuck around, if our friendship changed and I had to watch her get more and more distant, knowing it was my fault and nothing would ever go back to normal. 

Those were the worst — and, I thought, most probable — possibilities. For months I’ve been certain that if anything changed, everything would, and it’d all go to shit. So I kept dodging it. And dodging her before the trip. But, then, things did change this weekend. Things are changing. We fought, and it was super shitty and awful and a total nightmare fiasco, but we made up. And she seemed almost as relieved as me when we did. Now we even have this pact about spending more time together. I know it’s officially only in the name of friendship, but something’s… different. I feel it, and I think she does too. And it doesn’t seem bad. That’s the craziest part. I mean, she even kissed me last night. On the cheek, but still. “Keep it.” Maybe May’s not ridiculous: she really might feel the same way. 

I’ve been texting her this morning, actually. Aunt May. I had to admit that I’m happy she forced me to do the forehead kiss thing last night. As annoyed as I was that she and Ned ganged up on me like that, I can’t dispute the results. She kissed me! Kind of. (To be fair, she did hit my mouth a little bit even if it was an accident.) At first it made me wonder if she heard any of Ned’s shout-comments before I could turn the t.v. up to cover what he was saying. But I doubt it. Even if she felt the same way, I know her too well to think she wouldn’t freak out more and enough that it’d be noticable. Yeah, no, I’d definitely have been able to tell if she’d heard him saying things like, “Nobody’s saying you have to tell her that you googled the probability of high school sweethearts getting married that time she saved your ass on that Bronte essay, but yeah, Aunt May’s right! Just ask her to come over and either talk to her or do the hair/forehead thing!” Anyway, May’s on board with her coming over a lot this week and next week and giving us some space. So are Ned and MJ. Ned said they agreed on giving us two weeks (starting tomorrow) without them hanging out after school. And who knows, if the dance goes really well, maybe it’ll be normal for us to hang out, just us, without the whole group. Because… well, I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself. 

I’ll admit, they’re the best friends I could ever have. All three of them. 

And it’s nice to have them all here now, Ned to my left and the girls in front of us. It’s even nicer to be outside of class or the city or crazy study sessions and have had a short breather from all that (despite the shitshow before we smoothed things over and could enjoy it). To be somewhere chill together. Yesterday and today probably feel even better because the last few days, or even weeks… no— months, if I’m being honest— have had me in a kind of less than happy place. But that’s over now. We’re all here and things are finally good. I just wish the girls would wake up, especially since Ned’s back on his phone. Again. 

Yesterday, everybody hung out for most of the afternoon, but being in the whole decathlon group isn’t the same as just being the four of us. Or two. 

Speaking of two— Ned being away during this next week or two is going to make everything so… unfiltered. New. Without his interference and being able to talk to him as often as normal, it’ll mostly just be her and me. Nobody to distract attention or blame stuff on or help me out when I’m doing something dumb (which is often). Like, for example, last night when I maybe let my excitement get the better of me and I might’ve jumped on the bed and thrown a pillow that accidentally broke the lamp on the nightstand. While I don’t really think writing that “Bill Mr. Harrington” note with the school’s address was Ned’s best idea, it helped me not care too much, enough that I didn’t do something dumber like actually tell Mr. Harrington. It might come back to bite us, though. Still, he was genuinely helpful this morning when Flash showed up too. 

While we were hanging out in the girls’ room waiting for them to finish packing, there was a knock on the door. I figured it was Mr. Harrington about to yell at me and Ned for the broken lamp, so I motioned to Ned to shut up and move closer to the head of the bed we were already sitting on where, courtesy of the wall between the bedroom and bathroom, he wouldn’t be able to see us as long as he stayed by the doorway. MJ gave us an odd glance before she got up to answer it. Her annoyed, “What are you doing here?” didn’t immediately disqualify Mr. Harrington, but the sound of Flash’s voice saying, “I, uh, brought you guys some muffins,” made me tense at the first syllable.

“The free muffins they give us for breakfast?”

MJ’s dripping sarcasm nearly made me laugh even though I couldn’t see her, but Y/N turning from her suitcase and walking over to join them killed it still in my throat. 

“Nope,” he said. “They’re fancy muffins from a bakery a few miles away.”

I wanted to roll my eyes out of my skull.

She may not like him, but that doesn’t mean I was wrong about him being into her. What a dumb way to impress someone. “Fancy muffins.”

“Expensive?” MJ asked. Even without seeing her face, I could tell she was giving him the squint death stare. It’s scary to have to respond to that face if you don’t know what the right answer is.

“Yes, especially with the delivery fee,” he said, sounding prepared for the question, “but they’re from a small local place, not a chain, which I figured you guys would appreciate. Actually, I think you’d like the woman who owns it, she was super grouchy and hard to convince.”

“Convince?”

“They don’t normally deliver at 5 in the morning.”

“Oh, so you thought you could just—”

“What kind did you get?” 

That’s one of the things I like about Y/N. She knows how to manage tempers and when to jump in; she has Flash and MJ down to a science. In that moment, though, I wanted MJ to fire her most confrontational questions at him with no mercy.

“Well, they’re all apology muffins—” I heard MJ scoff. Exactly. She gets it. “But I got blueberry, chocolate, obviously, coffee, cranberry orange, maple, I think that one has chicken in it or something, and banana nut.”

Ned and I turned towards each other with silent smirks at the last one. It’s a dumb joke, but under normal circumstances we’d never resist—

“Cool. Since you’ve brought so many, you can come in.”

Sometimes MJ drives me up the wall. This was one of those times. 

I mentally took back my agreement with her scoff.

The three of them came into the room, and for a couple seconds, Flash didn’t see us. The girls were closer to the window than they were to the wall and the bed Ned and I were sitting on, and he didn’t look behind him. Until MJ pointed us out directly.

“You can give them some too,” she said, her expression bordering on smug. “Apology muffins, right?”

Flash froze for a second. I straightened my back. Neither Ned or I said anything.

“Yeah, yeah,” he nodded. “Of course.”

Surprisingly, he shook his shoulders like a bug just buzzed by his head and walked over, opening a giant rectangle of a box up to us. 

“Take however many you guys want.”

I stared at him, not moving. Nobody flinched. Then I realized he was tapping the side of the box with his thumb. Not in an asshole come on, hurry up way, but in an anxious way. Just as I started to reach toward the box, Y/N asked:

“Why’d you get so many of the coffee ones?”

Flash looked away at just the right second. 

Did I technically cave first by reaching into the box? Yes. But did anyone see? No.

Although, I guess he technically caved by offering us the muffins in the first place. Ha. All the same, I took a blueberry one. 

“They’re my dad’s favorite. I wanted to surprise him, you know? But I can’t even get a hold of.... Um, are your guys’ parents going to pick you up when we get there, or are you actually staying for school?”

“Staying.”

“All of you?” 

He looked around to ask all of us, even me and Ned. We all nodded. When he looked at me, though, his eyes twitched. It’s a face I’ve gotten a lot before. He realized he said parents. 

“You said these are orange cranberry?” Ned asked, pointing. 

Flash nodded. 

“They’re solid, though the banana nut ones are probably the best.”

As I said, under normal circumstances, like if one of the girls had said it, I would’ve laughed right then, but I’m not used to laughing around Flash. Ned, who usually follows that same rule, shook his head and grinned, if a little bit... nervously?

“Hell no!” he said, pretending to be mildly outraged. “I’m not eating banana-bust-a-nut muffins.”

A second surprise: Flash tilted his head and paused, clearly as stunned to be told a joke by Ned as the rest of us were to witness it— and laughed. So did everyone else. It was only for a few seconds, like literally three quick seconds, but for the first time for as long as I can remember, all of us were laughing with Flash. It stopped almost as soon as it started. 

Tension crept back in soon so he left pretty quickly after that with an awkward, “See you guys in a few.” Thank god. 

The girls finished tidying their room and going over the homework that’s due today (which we did last week since we knew we’d never get it done on the trip), before forcing me and Ned into the hallway so Mr. Harrington wouldn’t need to check our room for us and potentially find the broken lamp. 

And then, pretty soon, we ended up on the warm bus, loaded in with everyone else. It seemed like everybody but Ned and I were too quiet and sleepy and squinty to be able to talk much before dozing off or staring blankly out the window or scrolling social media on their phones, the latter two options leading to the first in most cases. At this point, I think Ned, Flash, and I are the only ones still awake. 

I’m going to work at tolerating him. As long as he doesn’t cross any lines with anybody from now on, I won’t bait him either. (Admittedly, I’ve been guilty of that, especially recently.) I mean, his comment about his dad was hard to miss. And even when he said it, it wasn’t a shock. Everyone in our grade at some point has had to listen to Flash’s rambling excuses for his parents ignoring or forgetting to show up for school events. Maybe being a dick is just hereditary for him. Or a family tradition. 

I don’t remember how I got so off track. Where was I before? Oh yeah. Risk. Possibilities. The almost-worst case scenario that turned out not so bad. It’s been a messy weekend with plenty of re-evaluating, but the point is simple: I think I’ve got to give a few new things a try, and I’m excited to have a chance over the next couple weeks.

Next update: God only knows.

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[sparklinpixiedust]

Basic Training

This post has been sitting in my drafts for months now, during which I've come up with a few ways I wanted to write this post. This is what I've come up with.

Basic Training is the episode which made me hate Ben the most. The whole episode consisted him of being a stuck up brat only to be rewarded for it in the end.

This episode was the perfect opportunity to have Kevin in the spotlight and show how skilled and smart he is.

Gwen's presence in this episode was actually fine, there's no change needed for that.

Look, I know the shows named Ben 10 but we have seen Ben be the hero tons of times already.

And Ben being egoistic about his heroism is not something new in the franchise.

There have been episodes on the OS where Ben got a big head, yet I dont ever see anyone complaining about that.

Was is it because he was 10 that we excuse this behaviour? Nope.

15 - 16 is still pretty young and his attitude can be excused at this age as well.

My opinion? It was handled better in the OS.

There were times when Ben wasn't always the main focus.

In Lucky Girl, Ben has his ' who's your hero?' Moment.

They showed Gwen feeling jealous and hurt by the fact she wasn't noticed much.

It was realistic.

Then the epsiode proceeded to focus on Gwen , having Ben being kind of like a sub plot to the story.

Towards the end Ben compliments her.

So yeah Ben got big head, but at the same time they shifted focus so that the audience wouldn't find it annoying.

Gwen was in the spotlight for a bit, giving people a break from Ben.

Secondly  , in Be Afraid Of The Dark, Ben again is shown to be slightly stuck up, but towards the end of that episode he learns and acknowledges Gwen and Grandpa for help and understands his crime fighting is more of a team effort.

In Galactic Enforcers, we are shown there are other heros besides Ben as well.

Ben wasn't the sole focus of that episode. Yes it was about him but also about the Galactic Enforcers.

I don't think he was shown to be over confident here , but it was nice to see some other heros in the scene.

The Ben 10,000 episode focuses on how Ben was too focused on his job and the lesson at that was Ben needed to relax and have them Galactic Enforcers take the lead instead.

Again , his attitude towards everything was brought in focus but towards the end he learnt something.

I recently started watching Generator Rex and I can't help but compare Rex's character to Ben's.

Rex is also proud , rushes into things and considers himself to be a hotshot. But they also show him being down ,having trouble with his nanites and actually voice out his insecurities.

He's still the hero, still has things go his way most times but it's not annoying like Ben.

( I've only seen like 7 episodes so far so I don't know if this going to go down hil or not but so far so good)

The issue with the sequels after the OS was that Ben was the focus a bit too much.

We as the audience were rarely ever given a break from him.

Other than a few conversations here and there about his attitude,  nothing really was done about it.

Gwen should've been appreciated more for saving Kevin and Kevin should've been appreciated for stopping Aggregor.

But they weren't.

If it had been Ben , they would've made sure to show him getting some sort of recognition or trophy.

Back to the Basic Training episode.

We know he's the legendary Ben Tennyson, we know he's a hero. We didn't need another episode on it.

Instead the plot should've focused on Kevin. His skills, his abilities.

Ben would act the same but Magsiter Hulka should've put some sort of cover so Ben couldn't use the omnitrix.

Ben goes on breaking rules,  and having a hard time being a hero without the watch.

Towards the end, it should've been Kevin who cracks the case and saves Hulka. Ben is mad he can't use the omnitrix but instead uses the guns and other weapons he's learnt to use at the academy

He's not amazing at them , but it makes him realise that he is hero , watch or not, something that has been emphasised in the show. Its not impossible for him to function without the watch.

Towards the end, Ben getting a 95 was a stretch. I'm sorry , but the guy wasn't great with using weapons and without the watch I dont think he would've been able to complete that hostage excercise.

I'm thinking more like 89%.

Gwen gets 98, that's fine and Kevin gets a 100.

Hulka comes in and awards the medal (?) to Kevin, suggesting he's becoming more like his father.

( im ignoring the ret con, plus the retcon I'm assuming wasnt thought off at this point by the writers)

Ben is shown to take one of the guns back to earth, because he thinks they're cool and he wants to practice and get better at them.

The whole hostage situation makes him want to get better at making strategies.

Yes he's good at improv, but he needs to learn to properly plan as well.

It doesn't matter if he's never shown to use the gun ever again, and he's back to relying on the omnitrix.

Or maybe some time down the line, he could use the weapon, even if it for a second, to show that he is improving and getting better.

Before you say 'he's already a hero, he doesn't need to learn anything ' sorry but no.

He's 16. He may have saved the world but he still has growing up to do. Different battles are going to arise all the time.

Saying he is perfect at 16 is dumb. Saying he's perfect when he's ben 10k , it'll make some sense. He's been around for a while and is pretty experienced.

The watch is a part of him, but seeing him try to explore other options would've been a fresher idea.

Another scene that made me mad was the court (?) scene in Vreedle, Vreedle.

Ben being a hero shouldn't make him above the law.

Domstol ruling in favor of Ben just because he's the legendry Ben Tennyson was stupid.

After Ben's little monologue , and destroying Domstols desk, the judge should've just informed him that being a hero does not excuse him from following the law.

Kevin could've had his little moment doing some negotiation ( would've been nice to see how he works as con artist) and Ben could've jumped in and helped while making some good points for the argument, showing us he's not stupid.

Then having Domstol rule in their favor would've made sense.

On the way back to earth there could've been a joke about how Ben watches Judge Judy too much which is where he learnt about trials and stuff. Or maybe Gwens dad taught him a thing or two at some point.

All this doesn't mess with Ben's character all that much, he's still the hero of the show, he still has his ego but it makes him more likeable, shifts focus from his attitude, and shows us he's pretty smart and is growing into a good hero.

Ben's not a bad guy. I mean he is the hero of the show. There are tons of scenes which show he's good , like the whole sacrificing thing so the ultimates could live and all.

But little scenes here and there tend to be enough for someone , especially for someone who isn't a super hard-core Ben lover to form negative opinions on him.

Although calling him a psychopath / narc is out of line because I don't find him to be like that. His attitude was magnified by him being in the spotlight too much and writers not having a good balance in writing situations.

Ben being the main character of the show is at risk of becoming hated or less appreciated just because he's the font runner of the show.

Admit it, side characters tend to get more love most times than the main agonist of shows.

I've been watching videos on YouTube on this topic as to why this happens , and what I've come up with is that writers of shows tend to focus too much on main character. Things seem to go their way most times and this tends to get on peoples nerves, consciously or subconsciously because it's not exactly realistic.

Having shows where everything focuses on one person most times tend to backfire.

I don't mind Ben having a big head, I dont mind him making jokes and being so casual.

It's his defense mechanism to protect himself from drowning into the struggles and pressures of being a hero. But always having him be that way isn't good.

The writers should've executed it properly.

( okay this post got really long,  more than I thought it would. If you're read the whole things , congratulations on making it here lol.

I'm not going to stop anyone from replying to this because everyone has different opinions and we all have the freedom to express them.

Although I believe I've made my point and I've made sure to keep in mind all the arguments about why bashing Ben is wrong when he's not a bad guy while typing this out.

I don't think I've directed any major hate towards him , its mostly towards the writers for making the situations like that,but if you think I have you can reply to it.

I'm not gonna reply back though , because again I feel I've made my point.

Any agreements / disagreements you have with the post feel free to share because it is your right.

Any disagreements you have with other members,  as long as its related to the post you can share it.

Any issues you have personally with other members,  please keep them to your selves.

I will not tolerate bullying , harassing,  name calling and petty arguments on my post and blog page.

If this happens I will simply delete this post and re-upload it.)

[beastars-takes]

Zootopia Takes: Darker’s Not Better

The Shock Collar Draft

So, it sounds like people are largely positive on me doing some Zootopia posts on this blog, and I wanted to talk about this tweet I saw the other day:

I’ll punt on explaining why Beastars isn’t “Dark Zootopia”--that’s a great topic for another post. But I would like to talk about why this popular yet stridently uninformed tweet is so, so wrong. Why the shock collar draft was not better, actually.

And obviously, I’m not writing several pages in reply to a single tweet--this is a take that’s been around since the movie came out, that the “original version was better.” It’s been wrong the whole time.

Let’s talk about why!

Part 1: “Because Disney”

Let’s start with this--the assumption that the film’s creators wanted to make this shock collar story and “Disney” told them to change it.

That’s not how it works.

I try to keep stuff about me out of these posts as much as possible, but just for a bit of background, I’ve worked in the animation industry for about half a decade. I know people at Disney. I have a reasonable idea of how things are there.

There is this misconception about creative industries that they’re constantly this pitched battle of wills between creative auteurs trying to make incredible art and ignorant corporate suits trying to repress them.

That can happen, especially in dysfunctional studios (and boy could I tell some stories) but Walt Disney Animation Studios is not dysfunctional. It’s one of the most autonomous and well-treated parts of the Disney Company.

The director of Zootopia, Byron Howard, isn’t an edgelord. He made Bolt and Tangled. He knows what his audience is, and he’s responsible enough not to spend a year (and millions of dollars in budget) developing a grimdark Don Bluth story that leadership would never approve. It wouldn’t just be a waste of time--he would be endangering the livelihoods of the hundreds of people working under him. Meanwhile, Disney Animation’s corporate leadership trusts their talent. They don’t generally interfere with story development because they don’t need to. Because they employ people like Byron Howard.

Howard and the other creative leads of Zootopia have said a dozen times, in interviews and documentaries, that they gave up on the shock collar idea because it wasn’t working. They’ve explained their reasoning in detail. Maybe they’re leaving out some of the story, but in general? I believe them.

But Beastars Takes, you say, maybe even if Disney didn’t force them to back away from this darker version, it still would have been better?

Part 2: Why Shock Collars Seem Good

I will say this--I completely sympathize with people who see these storyboards and scenes from earlier versions of the movie and think “this seems amazing.” It does! A lot of these drawings and shots are heartbreakingly good, in isolation.

I love these boards. They make me want to cry. I literally have this drawing framed on my wall. Believe me, I get it.

But the only reason we care this much about this alternative draft of Zootopia is that the Zootopia we got made us love this world and these characters. You know what actually made me cry?

Oh, yeah.

So let’s set aside the astonishing hubris of insisting Zootopia’s story team abandoned the “good” version of the story, when the “bad version” is the most critically-acclaimed Disney animated feature in the past SIXTY YEARS.

“But Beastars Takes!” I hear you say. “Critics are idiots and just because something’s popular doesn’t make it good!”

Fair enough. Let’s talk about why the real movie is better.

Part 3: The Message (it is, in fact, like a jungle sometimes)

This type of thing is always hard to discuss, in the main--a lot of people don’t want to feel criticized or “called out” by the entertainment they consume, and they don’t want to be asked to think about their moral responsibilities. But it’s hard to deny that Zootopia is a movie with a strong point of view. Everything else--the characters, the worldbuilding, the plot, grows out from the movie’s central statement about bias.

And the movie we got, with no shock collars, makes that statement far more effectively.

To dive into the full scope of Zootopia’s worldview and politics (warts and all) would be a whole post on its own, so I’ll just summarize the key point of relevance here:

Zootopia's moral message is that you, the viewer, need to confront your own biases. Not yell at someone else. No matter how much of a good or progressive person you consider yourself to be--if you want to stand against prejudice you have to start with yourself.

That’s a tough sell! For that message to land, we need to see ourselves in the protagonist.

Judy’s a good person! She argues with her dad about foxes. She knows predators aren’t all dangerous. She’s not speciesist. Right?

Ah fuck.

Let’s fast-forward to the pivotal scene of this movie. In an unfortunate but inevitable confluence of circumstances, Judy’s own biases and prejudiced assumptions come out, and she shits the bad.

Nick, who’s already bared his soul to her (against his better instincts), is heartbroken. But not as heartbroken as he is a minute later when he tries to confront her about what she’s said, and she makes this face:

Whaaaat? Come on, Nick. I’m a good person. Why are you giving me a hard time?

People like to complain about this scene. That it’s a hackneyed “misunderstanding” trope that could be easily resolved with a discussion. They’re wrong. Nick tries to have a discussion. She blows him off.

This isn’t Judy acting out of character, this is her character. Someone who identifies as Not A Racist, and hasn’t given the issue any more thought. This is not only completely believable characterization (who hasn’t seen someone react this way when you told them they hurt you?) it’s the film’s central thesis!

Yes, Nick somewhat provokes her into reaching for her “fox spray,” and her own trauma factors in there, but she’s already made her fatal mistake before that happens.

(As an aside, people also make the criticism that the movie unrealistically deflects responsibility for racism onto Bellwether and her plot. It doesn’t. All the key expressions of prejudice in the film--Judy’s encounter with Gideon, her parents’ warnings, the elephant in the ice cream shop, Judy’s early encounters with Bogo, Judy's views on race science--exist largely outside of Bellwether’s influence. She is a demagogue who inflames existing tensions, she didn’t invent them. Bogo literally says “the world has always been broken.”)

So, anyway. But we love Judy. She’s an angel. She also kinda sucks! She’s proudly unprejudiced, and when her own prejudice is pointed out to her she argues and doesn’t take it seriously. This is bad, but it’s also a very human reaction. It’s one most of us have probably been guilty of at one point or another.

Look at Zootopia’s society, too--it’s shiny and cosmopolitan, seemingly idyllic. Anyone can be anything, on paper. But scratch too deep beneath the surface and there’s a lot of pain and resentment here, things nobody respectable would say in public but come out behind closed doors, or among family, when nobody’s watching. It’s entirely recognizable--at least to me, someone who lives in a large liberal city in the United States. Like Byron Howard.

Wow, this place is a paradise!

Wait, what’s a “NIMBY”?

Part 4: Why Shock Collars Are Bad

So, with the film’s conceit established, let’s circle back to the shock collar idea. Like I said, it’s heartbreaking. It’s dramatic. It’s affective.

It also teaches us nothing.

If I see a movie where predator animals are subjected to 24/7 electroshock therapy, I don’t think “wow, this makes me want to think about how I could do better by the people around me.” I think “damn that shit’s crazy lmao. that’d be fucked up if that happened.” At a stretch, it reminds me of something like the Jim Crow era, or the Shoah. You know, stuff in the Past. Stuff we’ve all decided couldn’t ever happen again, so why worry about it?

The directors have said this exact thing, just politely. “It didn’t feel contemporary,” they say in pressers. That’s what it means.

If anything, the shock collar draft reifies the mindset that Zootopia is trying to reject--it shows us that discrimination is blatant, and dramatic, and flagrantly cruel, and impossible to miss.

And...that’s not true. If you only look for bias at its most malicious and evil, you’re going to miss the other 95 percent.

The messaging of this “darker version” is--ironically--less mature, less insightful, less intelligent. Less useful. Darker’s not better.

Part 5: Why Shock Collars Are Still Bad

So what if you don’t care about the message? What if you have no interest in self-reflection, or critical analysis (why are you reading this blog then lmao)? What if you just really want to hear a fun story about talking animals?

Well, this is trickier, because the remaining reasons are pretty subjective and emotional.

The creators have said that the shock collar version didn’t work because the viewers hated the cruel world they’d created. They agreed with Nick--the city was beyond saving. They didn’t want to save it.

The creators have said that Judy was hard to sympathize with, not being able to recognize the shock collars for the obvious cruelty they were.

Fuck you, Judy!

But we haven’t seen the draft copies. We haven’t watched the animatics. We have to take their word for it. Anyone who’s sufficiently invested in this story is going to say “well, I disagree with them.” It doesn’t matter to them that they haven’t seen the draft and the filmmakers have. The movie they’ve imagined is great and nobody is going to convince them otherwise.

But the fact remains that the shock collar movie, as written, did not work. And, if behind the scenes material is to be believed, it continued to not work after months and months of story doctoring.

There’s even been a webcomic made out of the dystopian version of Zootopia. It’s clever and creative and well-written and entertaining and...it kind of falls apart. The creator, after more than a little shit-talk directed at Disney, abandoned the story before reaching the conclusion, but even before then the seams were beginning to show. How do you take a society that’s okay with electrocuting cute animals and bring it to a point of cathartic redemption? You can’t, really. The story doesn’t work.

Does that mean people shouldn’t make fanworks out of the cut material? That they shouldn’t be inspired and excited by it? Hell no. This drawing is cute as hell. The ideas are compelling.

But I suppose what I’d ask of you all is--if you’re weighing the hot takes of art students on Twitter against the explanations of veteran filmmakers, consider that the latter group might actually know what they’re talking about.

See you next time!

[piracytheorist]

I... started replying to these questions and only near the end did I realize that @spellcasterdouxie tagged me in their similar post, but not (directly) for me to answer these questions. But they did leave the tag open and by the time I realized it I had answered almost all the questions, so I’m going through with it, lol XD

rules: answer the questions and then tag 10+ other creators to answer the questions!

first creation and most recent creation of 2020: My first one is also my very first Grim Fandango ficlet titled Have You Forgotten Yours?, which I wrote pretty much after finishing the game at the beginning of the year. My most recent one is this Captain Amelia gifset :)

one of your favourite creations from 2020: I think I’ll go with this gifset and meta of that Douxie and Merlin scene. Making the gifset and writing the meta made me pretty emotional, and it meant so freaking much to me that tenyai replied to it too.

a creation you’re really proud of: Full context aside, this one from Gordo and Trudy doing the frickle frackle was a pain to make because the scene was not only super dark, it was also chokeful of noise, so with the content I had I’m quite happy with how I managed to make it look.

a new style you tried this year and a gifset that uses it: I don’t use greyscale a lot and I have used it before, but I am pretty happy with this one of Gordo having an angsty shower but this time in B&W, and totally because of the style and not what the gifset shows, of course, why would you think otherwise my good sir

your favourite colouring: I don’t do much colouring in my gifsets, I mostly fix brightness, contrast and the colour tone, so the difference is rarely discernible unless you compare the gif with the original. But this gifset of Detective Rogers was interesting to toy with :D (also how was it that I made it in APRIL it feels like I made it a year ago and tbh that feeling isn’t surprising with this year is it)

a creation that took you forever: Definitely my Douxie’s leitmotif video. I had to rewatch the whole show looking out for his leitmotif (and I still missed one or two moments, shame on me lol), then transcribe all of its appearances into sheet music, then edit the whole thing, scenes and sheet music, together. I don’t remember exactly but I’m pretty sure that organizing the whole thing took like, a week, until the video was ready. And then youtube took it down because of copyright and I had to downgrade its size so that I could upload it to vimeo, lol. It didn’t get a lot of popularity but I didn’t really expect it to, it was a bit too technical and was mostly made for my own entertainment.

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: My gifset of Douxie and Claire high-fiving!

a creation you think deserved more notes: This one and like, I’m not one to beg for notes or complain but it was surprising it got so few notes considering a) it’s from a scene not many people have made a gifset from, b) said scene has great comedic timing and like, why not and c) pretty much every other Douxie gifset I made got more than 200 notes so this one stands out. Again, not complaining, it was just weird why this specific gifset flopped (in comparison to my other Douxie gifsets), lol.

a creation with a favorite scene/quote: Oh, fuzzbuckets!

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: The Douxie fandom (I haven’t watched the other ToA shows so I don’t consider myself a part of the whole series fandom), and here’s the very first gifset I made of him!

a creation you made that breaks your heart: Oh that’s definitely this gifset of Douxie in that scene with Charlemagne and the staff. I can’t even. My boy T_T

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: This gifset of Douxie throwing some “Magic fire!” in a BoOksToRe because while it was quite simple to colour it and stuff, I really really enjoyed how well-timed the gifs are.

a creation that was inspired by another one: I guess the “[Character] + TV Tropes” is a common theme for gifsets and stuff here, so this one I made of Douxie + TV Tropes is probably fitting for this question :D

a favourite creation created by someone else: One??? Uh... This Grim Fandango fanart (skeleton alert)

some of your favourite content creators from the year: @carpedzem, @valentimmy, @dahliycia, @inhonoredglory, @spellcasterdouxie, @a-s-levynn​ and @nikibogwater​​.

and for good measure, another couple more creations of yours that you love: 1) Silver from Treasure Planet with the pirate flag waving behind him, 2) Gordo and Trudy having a quiet moment and giving the sweetest faces to each other what do you mean it didn’t end there, 3) Douxie fighting with Morgana 4) Douxie hating those twits, 5) Douxie being 919 and not knowing how to read (Ancient Draconic) and 6) Colin characters wearing Among Us hats.

I’m bad at tagging people so if you want to do it, or if you do the same mistake I did XD do it and tag me :D

.... And then I clicked “Save draft” again instead of “Post”. That’s why this comes like three days later XD

[komatsunana]

The Chronicles of Exandria: The Mighty Nein I

And so I do what I did the last 2 times for the Vox Machina Chronicles of Exandria books, which you can read [here] and [here].

These posts by no means contain all of the information in these books, but plenty of what would most interest other fans.  This is by no means a replacement for actually seeing the book.

My best guess on up to where this book spoils is episode 46.  Anyone who has not watched passed 46 can read this without spoilers outside of vague references that don’t really matter.

First and foremost, as usual, the artistry is the most important part of the book. All of the lovely fan-created art work is even more beautiful in ink than on screen. This I promise you.

As has been noted by other people who have received the book, it is written as though it was transcribed by Beau’s journals by the Cobalt Soul.  Some unnamed writer(s) from the Cobalt Reserve from Tal’Dorei have written all parts that are not excerpts from Beau’s journals.  There are edits by Zeenoth, which indicate that the book is not a final draft.  Zeenoth is not impressed by their work.

The books’ foreword is a dedication to critters.  I won’t transcribe all of it but it ends, “As always, we are richer for your company.  For truly, what good are stories unless they can be shared?”

Unlike the Vox Machina ones, which started with pages dedicated to Vox Machina and their adventures first before branching out for guest and NPCs, this one’s table of contents shows that everything is scattered.

The first section is dedicated to the Storyteller - accompanied by art of Matt as “The Storyteller.”   An excerpt follows below:

“A story walks the land through the songs and tales of those who are touched by its heart.  And then one day, long after all the players within have met the Matron, a story will be told for the very last time.  Unless, by the Grace of the Storyteller, we are let to it. [...]  Through Ioun’s blessing we make his favorite children immortal.  You hold one of them in your hands even now.  Wake it carefully.”

Thoreau contacted the Cobalt Soul immediately after Beau’s first arrest - presumably the one with Tori.  As the monks took Beau away, Thoreau referred to her as “his misfortune.”  It is also noted in the margins that Thoreau is a good friend to the Archive.

Unlike the rest of the M9 and characters, there are no excerpts about Beau herself from her journal... Because obviously she doesn’t need to take notes in herself.  However the Cobalt Soul write their own notes about her and her reputation in the Cobalt Soul and note... more than a few times that Zeenoth thinks she is aggressive, stubborn, and quick to judge and anger and as a result they can’t put a lot of stock into her notes on other people.  However, Dairon was right to put their trust in her because her insight in invaluable and is quick to call out injustice.

Beau’s note taking is exceptional - and color-coded.

Beau’s first notes about Molly is that he is “not that bright, definitely drunk, completely full of shit, and not nearly as good of a liar as he thinks he is.  His outfit is loud, far louder than the man himself.”  His coat contains iconography from at least half a dozen gods.  Beau also noted that Molly’s swords were interesting to which the footnotes immediately made note that Molly’s swords were just swords.  Beau thought, in her first impression of him, that he might be on the run from a family of Warlocks.

The librarians decided to omit all of Molly’s earlier lies that he told Beau and the group about his background, and instead only described the climbing out of the grave and only able to say “Empty” story.  He had scars and 9 red eye tattoos on him at the time.  

There are sketches of the tattoo in full, after Molly had added to it, but it’s noted by Beau that part of the tattoo is covered by Molly’s hair.  Looking at the sketch, it is implied there are more tattoos on his scalp, rather than just the length covering it.

For Molly’s story of climbing out of the grave to be true, it means that Molly relearned to speak both Common and Infernal, learned to perform his skills and duties with the Carnival, covered his eye tattoos with additional, elaborate tattoos, befriended Yasha, and discovered his innate magic ability to use his blood to infuse his weapons with magic.

Beau had made a list of every book she knew Caleb had on his person or expressed interest in.  This includes the erotic books and the 2 spellbooks. 

On the spellbooks, Beau says she isn’t sure about them. One she knows is a spellbook, but she’s not sure on the other as he never opens it.  She wonders if it is a journal of some kind.

There is a page on Beau’s notes in the first arc with the Fletching and Moondrop Carnival - notes about the victim and all her possible suspects of which it is everyone that is part of the carnival.  All of them have a strike through their name, indicating she had eliminated each of them as a suspect at one point, including Kylre.  

Among the notes she has, my favorites are that Beau thinks that everyone in the circus hates each other, never trust a clown (about Desmond), and that everyone has a title such as Molly “The Ice-Spinner” and Yasha “The Brute.”  Beau also notes Yasha as being human.

Outside of Beau’s notes, the best information to be found about Shakästa “Hush” is from an anonymous book from Deastock titled “Heroic Deeds of the Golden Grin.”  It is because of Beau’s notes that Hush is confirmed to be real, not a myth, once and for all.

Because of how cool Shakästa was with his cool bird, Beau notes “I gotta get a bird.”  So we have him to thank for Professor Thaddeus.

Unknown what deity Shakästa draws power from.

Known members of the Tombtakers:

Lucien Nonagon (Molly)

Cree: currently employed by the Gentleman.  Blood powers like Molly’s.

[A name which as been severely crossed out but looks like it says Tyffinl]:  Currently said to be in Nogvurot.

Otis and Zoran:  Still at large, whereabouts unknown

Jurrell:  Deceased

Some lady spellcaster from Rexxentrum 

The Myriad is currently gaining footholds in Tal’dorei as well.  There is also a written notation by Zeenoth to cross reference the Myriad activity with the Tombtakers, indicating that he believes that the Tombtakers and the Myriad might be connected.

Cobalt Soul theorizes that the blood Cree claims the Gentleman took from the M9 to track them might be a new form of blood-based mutagenetic tracking.

Beau’s first impression of Nott and Caleb’s relationship was that Nott heaped praise on him and that there might be some sort of blood debt or magic going on.

Beau’s early theory on Caleb was that he was hiding from a criminal employer and had done a high-level theft.  She made note to watch if he attempted to side-step certain kinds of work.

Everything about Caleb sounded like bad news to Beau, but because he stuck around to get her out of jail Beau comes to the conclusion that that’s endearing.

Beau has made an observation that Caleb was searching for some kind of information in a book, related to transmutation.  She wonders if bartering to get him into the Cobalt Soul library will get her into his good graces, though she hopes he won’t find out that the library is technically open to all if you ask nicely.

There is an entry (in Beau’s second journal, it should be noted) were several pages were ripped out about Caleb.  This indicates that Beau had written down Caleb’s backstory of killing his parents but she, Caleb, or someone else had ripped it out before it got into the hands of the Cobalt Soul.  The Cobalt Soul draws the conclusion that Caleb is connected to organized crime.  They are also unable to find anyone born with the name Caleb Widogast in the Empire and they believe it to be an alias.

There are written notations that say that at least one of the ripped out pages were recovered, in which Beau describes the night Caleb told her and Nott about killing his parents.  Both mentions of Trent Ikathon’s name were crossed out until illegible.  Beau was unconvinced that Caleb’s memories after killing his parents aren’t still jumbled (rather than missing).

Fun fact!  All of the Caleb illustrations in his art section all either have fire or Frumpkin in them.  Because when you boil down Caleb to his essentials that’s all I’m saying.

The strangest thing about the M9, as far as the Cobalt Soul is concerned,  is that they have a goblin among their party.

Beau also wonders if Nott’s relationship with Caleb isn’t also out of love or blind loyalty.  Upon finding out that Nott feels like the parental figure (rather than the other way around, as Beau had assumed) Beau wonders what it is that Nott wants Caleb to be stronger for... Revenge? Or to change herself.

Beau notes that while Nott might have named herself so to call herself not brave, Beau thinks she is pretty brave.  She describes Nott diving into the water for Fjord’s arc twice (even if she complained the entire time) and Nott saving Jester from the blue dragon which “absolutely saved Jester’s life.”  Nott is very focused on everyone remaining together as a team.  Beau believes that while Nott’s loyalty to Caleb has not lessened, her loyalty to the rest of the party has extended to them all.

“I think we might all be her kids now.  It’s kind of sweet, in a really weird way.”

Zeenoth is extremely salty their junior drew lots of buttons instead of researching the crossbow Nott got from Hupperdook.

A list of all phrases that Beau noted in her journals that Kiri had learned in her time with them.

Welcome to the Mighty Nein!

I am Kiri!

Yes, I am very sweet.

It’s sharp.

Ooh, I’m a captain.

Where do babies come from?

Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!

If it bleeds, we can kill it.

I killed people!

Get into trouble!

She’s probably a good egg.

Go fuck yourself.

Zeenoth is VERY upset about the word fuck and wants that entry removed.

Beau thinks Calianna is too polite.

Cobalt Soul believes there is at least one other bowl like the one Calianna destroyed with the M9.

Beau hopes they don’t pick up any more stragglers, as she thinks it is getting crowded.

Cobalt Soul theorizes about why Keg had a four o’clock shadow rather than a proper Dwarven beard, wondering if she wasn’t forced to shave.  This indicates that beards are normal on female dwarves.

Beau thinks Shady Creek Run is so called because it’s full of shady criminals, but the Cobalt Soul notes that Shady Creek Run has a creek that is in near constant shade in the abundant pine trees.

On Molly’s death Beau says:

“Fuck.   That went horribly.  We lost Molly, and I don’t know what to do. [This part is crossed out: Maybe if I had-] I’m trying my best to stay objective.”

Beau also crosses out “I’m starting to like her” about Keg, and replaces it with “She’s fine, I guess.”

On Nila Beau says: “She said something really nice about Molly.  How in her clan, someones spirit never leave you.  They return to nature, and are forever by your side.  I don’t know if I believe it, but I like the thought.”

Beau wants her own “lucky smell bag” that’ll make decisions for her.

The Blooming Grove was built post-Calamity.

Beau’s first impressions of Caduceus is that he is both grounded and flighty.

Because Caduceus hasn’t eaten meat or alcohol in the time she’s known him, she thinks he’s got to have some sort of vice.

Because of Beau’s talk with Caduceus after killing the blue dragon, Beau remarks that she likes her edge and doesn’t want to lose it and go soft. But maybe it is a better, more efficient way of doing things by being there for the M9. “Gross.”

There is a note in the margins telling the editor to contact Archivist Demid (AKA the guy studying the moons) for information on the Dust family.  This indicates that he may have some special information.

Because of Jester’s defacing every town she visits, the Cobalt Soul has been able to track the M9′s movements.

The Cobalt Soul’s 2 working theories on the Traveler is that he’s a smaller/younger deity either from folk tales about a cloaked figure that either rewards or punishes heroes with a ironic twist OR a god of vandalism.

Zeenoth notes that if the Traveler IS a god of vandalism... they may have a secret follower in their ranks because of all the smut doodles in their books lately. Which of course Jester probably drew.

Beau says that as Jester told the group about her prank causing her to have to flee from Nicodranas she was full of her usual bubbliness... But was starting to see that there was underlying sadness in Jester.

Beau has known Jester has had a thing for Fjord since they first met, but after she got Tusk Love it became full-blown infatuation.

“Fjord seems super oblivious, though, which isn’t surprising for a man who occasionally wakes up covered in seawater and confusion.”

Beau stands by her and Jester’s purchase of the owl and blink dog, but she wonders how long the weasel is going to last in their line of work.

Beau wonders if it’s weird to be attracted to your friend’s mom and comes to the conclusion it is so she’ll back off... But the Ruby is smoking hot.

Beau can also see why people who want to release and evil god for Avantika. Not that she would. “She’s hot, but come on.”

No really new information on The Plank King is revealed in his section, but quite a bit is crossed out until illegible.  This could detail what connection to the Cobalt Soul he has, but was redacted.

The Cobalt claims that while the M9 titled a leader, Fjord often took that position.

Beau is making direct reports on Fjord to the Cobalt Soul and his connection to Uk’otoa.  In her latest report, she says that they’ve bought some time until their next trip to the sea............

Waiting for the rest of the M9 to come out of the Happy Fun Ball, after fighting the blue dragon, are among the rest worst few minutes of Beau’s life.

Beau believed Twiggy that she killed the blue dragon, in part because Caduceus believed her.

Beau accidentally writes “cute and dry” instead of “cut and dried” about Yasha’s background.

“For someone dressed in greys, who carries herself like a dark cloud, Yasha sure seems drawn to color and light. I wonder where it stems from.”

On Yasha being tested by the Stormlord by the “man made of lightning” the Cobalt Soul says it is not uncommon for the Stormlord to test his disciples through acts of physical, mental, or spiritual exertion.

The final notes by Zeenoth indicates that whoever wrote the book (outside of edits from Zeenoth himself and excerpts from Beau’s journals) were by someone from Tal’dorei.  Who might it be? Someone we know?

[dreamcatcherfication]

The End of Katherine Howard

Not gonna lie, I forget I even had this doc. I want you all to know that this was hidden in my drive under the title “Soft Shit” for no reason whatsoever. Anyway, I saw this post a while back that went something like “What if Anna of Cleves saved Katherine Howard the night before her execution?” (Someone please tag that post if you can find it). 

So basically what I’m saying is the title is false advertising.

Please send in asks or prompts (more prompts), I only have oh so many of my own ideas, I’m not a creative person. Let me know if you want to be tagged in my works (who am I kidding, I don’t have enough followers for that~). Word Count: 1939

Trigger Warnings: Rape mentions

Writing Masterpost

Katherine Howard knew she only had hours to live. In her mind, she told herself she was okay and that she had come to terms with everything. In reality, she wasn’t ready. Not to face the silent masses of watching eyes. Not to stare up at the executioner before the end. Not for her untimely death.

She was only seventeen, it was not supposed to go like this. In retrospect, she thinks, none of it was supposed to go like this. It wasn’t as if she wanted to betray the King and be sentenced to death. She didn’t want any of this, and yet she accepted it with a tiny smile and innocent gaze. Because what else could she do?

She never thought she would marry Henry. When he was married to her friend, her former queen, Anna of Cleves, she didn’t even think he had noticed her. She was just another servant of his wife of course. But then she would catch him giving her a glance in court. He would say things to her. Tell her how important she was. “Without you I don’t know what I’d do, love,” he had said once. 

Anna of Cleves was a lovely woman who Katherine looked up to. She was strong and brave, she had the makings of a warrior, all except for her sex. She was beautiful and gracious, Katherine didn’t quite see why Henry insisted on calling her a horse and complaining. In Katherine’s humble opinion, Hans Holbein had not been able to capture the beauty of the queen in a single picture, she was simply too heavenly for that. But Katherine never voiced her opinions to the king.

After Henry’s marriage with Anna was annulled, he immediately set his sights on Katherine. She wasn’t very influential, but her family was so desperate to climb the social ladder that they shoved her straight into the waiting arms of the King. They got married and Katherine did as she was told, not bothering to question whether or not Henry was the right man for her. “No other wish but his,” she would repeat like a mantra when things got bad. But overall, it seemed as if she was doing alright in court.

And then Thomas Culpeper. He had been the one friend Katherine needed in her life after she became queen. She only saw Anna during extravagant parties where they could only speak cordially and dance with each other for fleeting moments. Katherine cherished those moments, but they weren’t enough to ward off the terror of her life with Henry. Thomas was the one person who could, the only man Katherine finally felt comfortable with.

She got letters. Letters from Henry Mannox, Francis Dereham, and more, all claiming to know of her promiscuity. They blackmailed her into holding them up in court, giving them better positions with the King. She didn’t like being in such close proximity to these terrible men, but she didn’t have a choice, lest she end up like her cousin, Anne.

Culpeper was the only person who promised to keep her secrets and keep her safe. She believed him for the longest time, but even he was too good to last. Thomas took her hand and whispered a word she had heard all too many times. “Connection.” Her blood ran cold thinking about his words. She had told him no, that he was only her friend, nothing more. She was married. But Thomas refused to let that stop him, and he kept pushing and pushing until finally he got what he wanted. 

Katherine couldn’t stop him. She begged and pleaded and cried but Thomas only pulled and took and hurt. 

He went around boasting to the other courtiers about what he had done with the queen. When Henry found out, she tried to tell him the truth, that she didn’t want it, that it was Thomas’s fault, but Henry was furious and betrayed. He locked her up and tried to sentence her to death. She spent six months in a dirty cell while Henry wrote a law that would allow him to kill her legally in the eyes of God.

She still sat in that dirty cell. It was dark out, but she knew the light would be coming soon. She had a block set out in front of her, one she had specifically requested be brought so she could practice for her execution. If she were to be remembered, it was to be as a queen, not as a wailing child stolen too soon from life’s warm embrace. Every time she set her head on the block, she fought tears back as the reality of her death repeatedly slapped her on the face. Or rather, touched her on the neck.

When the cell doors started to rattle with the jangle of keys in the look, Katherine shot up in fear. It was too soon, they weren’t supposed to be coming for her yet. She had a few hours left. It wasn’t time for her to die -

The guard stepped through the door and closed it behind him. He wore armor and had a sword in a sheath while the keys used to unlock the door were in his hand. Katherine looked at the guard dressed from head to toe in armor and curled in on herself. She didn’t like being in confined spaces, especially with a man. If he wanted to hurt her, there was nothing she could do to stop him. “Please,” she whimpered, “It can’t be time yet.”

The guard quickly moved in the heavy armor and pulled off his helmet, revealing the surprisingly familiar face of Katherine’s old friend, Anna of Cleves. She was wearing a man’s armor and carried herself with an amount of dignity, but Katherine recognized her despite the new attire and slightly aged face. Eyes widening in shock, Katherine stood speechless. “How are you here?”

“We can speak about that later,” Anna said before stepping forward and holding a hand out to Katherine. “Right now we should leave before the guards start to notice that something’s amiss.” Katherine wanted to say something, to ask more questions, but her throat had sealed up and she didn’t know what to say. Anna was offering to help her escape. But she had been sentenced to death by the King. Didn’t that mean she was meant to take her punishment with dignity? Would God be mad at her if she did not allow Henry to kill her?

As Anna gazed at her, worried but hopeful, Katherine felt her more sensible instincts kick in. She couldn’t die here, not now, not yet. Standing up and slipping her hand into Anna’s, Katherine determinedly furrowed her eyebrows. Anna nodded and slid her helmet back on, leading the young queen out of the cell as quietly as possible.

Without being able to look at Anna’s face as they made their way through the palace, Katherine felt her breath hitch in her throat. Sensibly, she knew the sound of her breathing wouldn’t make a difference if they were caught, but she couldn’t help herself from tightening her chest in fear. The sounds of the castle were mostly quiet, save for the occasional drip of water from the ceiling and the slight draft that blew in through the small windows scattered throughout the dungeon. The guards must have been on patrol, but Anna seemed to know their patterns. Otherwise, they would’ve almost assuredly been caught the second Anna arrived.

All of the hallways looked exactly the same to Katherine, and she couldn’t help but feel like they’d gotten lost. But she trusted Anna, so she let herself be led in the dark. “Oh,” Katherine said in surprise as she and her former queen emerged from the dungeons through a secret door. It looked exactly like the cobblestone wall, but when Anna put pressure on it, the door swung outward.

“After you, Your Majesty,” Anna’s voice was muffled by her mask. Picking up her skirt, Katherine made her way out of the dungeon and onto the muddy grass. The feeling of freedom was strangely uncomfortable, but Katherine couldn’t find it in herself to complain. She and Anna were almost free of the palace, of Henry and Thomas and what Katherine thought was her inevitable death.

Leaving the dungeon behind, Anna brought Katherine around the back of the palace where a horse sat, it’s lead tied around a tree. The horse was scuffing at the ground, clearly sensing the nervous energy of the two queens. Anna shushed the horse and started petting it. She turned to look at Katherine, gesturing for her to get onto the horse. Instead, Katherine stepped forward and reached her hands out. She grabbed the sides of Anna’s helmet and pulled it off her head, revealing Anna’s face once again. Her cheeks were red and sweat ran down her brow showing her exhaustion after carrying around the heavy armor. “I prefer your face,” Katherine said simply at Anna’s confused face.

It was no matter to Anna who helped Katherine up onto the horse. Once Katherine was secured on the horse, she untied the lead from the tree and climbed up behind the teen. Anna grabbed the reins and urged the horse to get moving. They started off in a slow trot, but soon enough the horse was galloping with the two women on its back. “You’ll be safe with me, Kat, I promise,” Anna spoke loud enough that Katherine could hear her over the wind.

“Are we really doing this?” Katherine asked.

Anna frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, do I really deserve to be saved? There’s a reason the King wants to execute me,” Katherine replied. Her voice wasn’t quiet, but with the wind rushing past her ears, Anna struggled to hear her words.

Moving a hand from the reins to Katherine’s arm, Anna tried to console her. “Of course you deserve to be saved. And Henry only wants to execute you because he’s embarrassed. I’m going to keep you safe, and when we’re free from him, you can finally be happy.”

“That sounds nice,” Katherine admitted while tilting her head up to look at the slowly lightening sky. “Do you think they’ll come after us?”

Anna shrugged. “Maybe at first they will. After a while, Henry will want to pretend this never happened. His ego is bigger than he is, and that’s saying a lot.” Katherine giggled but covered her mouth with her hand. Her whole life, she was told it was rude to laugh at a man or anyone superior to her. Anna didn’t seem concerned with her laugh. She even seemed to encourage it. “Richmond is splendid, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. And I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“Why,” Katherine suddenly asked, “Why did you save me?”

Anna wished she could have Katherine face her so the younger girl could see her eyes. “Why wouldn’t I save you? Mein liebling, you’re my friend, and I care about you more than Henry or anyone in court. If I have to dress up as a knight and commit treason to save you, then that’s what I will do. You come first, Kat.”

Although she couldn’t see it, Anna knew there were tears in Katherine’s eyes. The small sobs that came from the form in front of her were proof of that. “Anna, thank you, thank you so much,” Katherine cried.

“You don’t have to thank me for saving you, Kat. I would do it a thousand times over. Now let’s get to Richmond and start your new life.”

And even though they couldn’t see it, both queens were smiling far brighter than they should have.

[yourmandevine]

Some stuff that made me happy in 2020, in no particular order

God send you no greater loss. It’s something my grandmother said a lot — a bit of highly Irish Catholic wisdom intended to remind you, warmly but sharply, that whatever you’re currently suffering through isn’t all that bad compared to what lots of other people are dealing with. That it probably isn’t too much to complain about, in the grand scheme of things. That you should, instead, be grateful for what you’ve got, big and small and everything in between.

God sent a great many people a great many unfathomable losses this year, and as hard as it felt at times, our family wasn’t among them; we’re lucky, in the big picture. In the past, people have recommended I try writing those reasons down, to give myself a list of stuff to be thankful for, for the times it’s tough to summon up the gratitude. I figured the end of the year was as good a time as any to make that list, to highlight the stuff that helped me get through this year — the reasons big, small, and in between.

So: here goes.

Peanut butter and jelly

I haven’t counted how many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I’ve eaten since March 11, which is good, because that would be an absurd thing to do, and a sure sign that I have succumbed to a very specific kind of madness. It’s also good, though, because I would undoubtedly be ashamed by the number; the figure would be titanic, like the unsinkable ship of same name, or the iceberg that sunk it.

Or, at least, I would be ashamed under normal circumstances. This fuckin’ year required whatever flotation device you could find, and you know what I found in the fridge and cupboard? A couple of slices of bread, some strawberry jam, and some goddamn Skippy.

Need a weird mid-morning “brunch” after not having breakfast because you went right from waking up to remote school with the 6-year-old? Crank up a PB&J with that third cup of coffee. Need to pack something in the diaper bag to feed everyone while you’re out at the playground for the afternoon? Stack ‘em up, son. Need a late snack after working the overnight shift filing weird bubble playoff columns? Three letters, one ampersand, one love.

I need to eat better in 2021. But I kind of needed to eat sort of like shit to get through 2020, and time and again, when your man needed it most, PB&J was there.

Sunday night Zoom sessions with college friends

I know that most of us started something like this back in March; I’m not sure how many have stuck with it. I hope the answer is “a lot,” because honestly, knowing that I’m going to end the week by seeing a few friends — some here in Brooklyn but mostly beyond our reach for safety’s sake, some who’ve moved away — has felt like a stabilizing agent on more than a few occasions. It’s important, and no small blessing, to have people in your life who really know you, weird messy ugly bits and all, and in front of whom you can let everything go.

That gallery view’s provided a place to vent, to seethe, to laugh, to cry, and to try to find some semblance of center before heading back into another week. I’m grateful for it, and for the people in those little boxes. Except for the time they reminded me that, when I was 18, I was pretty sure I was a Pacey, and they were all extremely confident I was a Dawson. They were right, but still: a bitter pill to swallow, then and now.

Olivia calling herself “Dr. Bloody”

She took out her little toy doctor kit and just turned into a cackling villain.

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Deeply disconcerting, yes, but also adorable.

All Fantasy Everything

What got me in the door was the conceit: three very funny stand-up comedians (Ian Karmel, David Gborie, Sean Jordan), often with a very funny guest but sometimes without, pick some topic or another and engage in a fantasy draft of their favorite aspects or representations of that topic. (It is, crucially, a serpentine draft. Now what is that? That’s a great question.) Some favorite examples: Mikes; Words That You Think Make You Sound Smart, vols. 1 and 2; Things You Yell After You Dunk on Someone; Fictional Athletes; Crimes We’d Like to Commit. Yeah. It’s that kind of podcast.

What kept me around was the friendship. Listen to an episode and it becomes really clear really quickly just how much the three hosts love each other, how much fun they have being around each other and making one another laugh. The warmth radiates, just pours out of the speakers; in a year where I sorely needed some good vibes, I appreciated my regular check-ins with the Good Vibes Gang to just ... unclench for an hour and a half or so. 

Drinking beer

OK, I’ll admit: This doesn’t sound great for me. It’s true, though. I really like beer. (We brewed one in our kitchen, which I realize is something of a “bearded guy in Brooklyn” cliche, but here we are. It was exciting to complete a project, and it tasted OK-ish.) At some points this year, it didn’t feel like there wasn’t much to look forward to, and sometimes drinking some High Lifes or Narragansett tall boys — with my wife in our living room, with friends on the computer, whatever — helped take the edge off a shitty day/week/month/year. I look forward to being able to do that outside with people again.

The Good Place

I am sure some very smart cultural critics and political thinkers and social revolutionaries have forwarded compelling arguments for why this show is Bad, Actually, because that seems to be more or less true about most things, whether because said thing is Actually Bad or because the economics of the attention economy on the internet functionally necessitate the composition and publication of pretty much every position on pretty much every issue, and especially ones that present a counterargument for why you shouldn’t like the thing you like, and might be kind of a piece of shit for liking it. But I liked this half-hour comedy about the way the universe might be put together, why we should try to take better care of each other, and how doing so might be a pretty great way to take better care of ourselves.

Andrew let me write about it a little bit for a big project we did before the series finale aired, which was really nice of him. I found myself thinking about this part a lot this year:

I also thought a lot about Peeps Chili, but that happens every year.

Taking pictures of my dog

Check out this flumpy goddamn champion:

“Lugar is a good boy” is the main takeaway here. They don’t all have to be complicated.

Schitt’s Creek

I know we’re not alone in this, but we inhaled this show this year. A half-hour comedy about people being laid low, learning how to deal with who they actually are, and finding some grace and community and opportunities for growth kind of hit the spot, I guess.

One of the most wholesale enjoyable ensemble comedy casts I can remember; Catherine O’Hara was already in Cooperstown, but what she made with Moira Rose only polishes her plaque. I’ll never be able to describe with any specificity the thing Chris Elliott does, but I know it has made me laugh since I was a child too young to understand the Letterman bits or see Cabin Boy in the theater, and it’s probably going to make me laugh until I am dead.

I love that people who, for years, never got to see themselves or people like them on screen got to see David Rose on screen and maybe recognize themselves a little bit. The idea that seeing the David/Patrick relationship might make them maybe feel a little more at home, a little safer and more whole, makes me happy. Sad, about the before, but happy, about the now and the what comes next.

Past that, I just love how what was ostensibly a family-and-friends production for a Canadian channel just got absolutely everything right—the tone, the look, the sound, the theme song, the cast, the jokes, my goodness, the jokes—and before long, the rest of the world just got it. Like catching a fastball square on the barrel. Something the show clearly knew a little bit about.

Finding new outdoor places it was safe to go

Necessity is the mother of invention, and the need to give the kids a place to be that wasn’t unnecessarily dangerous but also wasn’t inside our two-bedroom apartment led us to do more exploring than we had before. Shirley Chisholm State Park is great. Canarsie Pier was a fun place to spend a Sunday morning; so’s Canarsie Playground. If we got there early enough or made our peace with some rain, the beaches at Jacob Riis Park and Fort Tilden were pretty rad this summer. I lived in Staten Island from ages 8 through 18, and during breaks throughout college, and don’t think I ever hiked in High Rock Park — that’s dumb, because it was nice!

Even if all those little excursions did was kill a little time and reduce the overall stress level of the four humans stuck in our four walls, that’s not nothing. Some days this year, it was everything.

Cobra Kai

I know I’m late here; I didn’t rush to seek it out because I don’t consider myself a huge fan of The Karate Kid, or at least not a big enough fan to sign up for YouTube’s premium service. I checked it out when it came to Netflix, though, and I honestly can’t believe how much I enjoyed this show. Give me “dumb, but with heart” every day of the week.

I believe in Miguel Diaz; I believe in Johnny Lawrence; I believe I will be firing up Season 3 next month, and perhaps drinking some Coors Banquets in its honor. (I cannot, however, believe how the “get him a body bag” thing came back around, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Closing unread tabs

I’m a serial hoarder of links, and I am bad at finishing all of them. I’ve tried to get into Pocket and Instapaper, but I’ve never been able to turn that sort of workflow — open link, save to third-party service, go back to third-party service later to read, then delete from there — into something that felt instinctual, natural, or habitual. So: lots of tabs. Like, lots of tabs.

This was a dicier proposition than usual in 2020, because cutting my work week in half to be able to more effectively coparent two kids who didn’t have school or day care for most of the year meant less time to read things.

I tried to do my best to keep up with the important stuff for work, and to read at least some stuff about how other parents were dealing with their anxiety/anger/depression/frustration at having to be on 24/7 and work, and to stay abreast of (at least some of) what was happening in the world. Sometimes, though, I would wake up and realize I’d been holding onto blog posts about Really Interesting Rotation Decisions on the 11th-Seeded Team in the East or whatever for literally nine months, and I would go against my nature and just hit the eject button on a 25-deep window, and something amazing would happen: I wouldn’t get fired for being shitty at my job. I would move on with my day, and I would feel about 10 pounds lighter.

I still keep too much stuff open. (As we speak, I’ve got three different Chrome windows open on two different laptops. I choose not to count the total tabs.) But I do so knowing that, if it gets too heavy, I can experience the momentary joy of surrendering to the inevitability that I can’t catch everything. In that moment, I feel OK with my decay.

Reading writers I wasn’t familiar with before

Two in particular stand out in my mind: Nekias Duncan, now of BasketballNews.com, who does excellent film breakdowns and statistical analysis, and Katie Heindl, who writes basketball stuff of all types all over the place, and strings sentences together in a way that scratches an itch inside my brain. I’m grateful I got more chances to read them this year, I look forward to bigger and better things for both of them, and I’m hopeful that, if things calm down and our schedules go back to something approximating normalcy, I’ll have more bandwidth to hunt out more new voices in the year ahead.

The time I ambushed my wife as she was trying to break down and put away the girls’ space tent

Pretty good.

Siobhan learning to ride a bicycle (with training wheels, but still)

The moment passed pretty quickly; Not Exactly A Mechanic over here can’t get the training wheels to reliably work right without either loosening them too much or tightening them so much that she can’t pedal it. In that first moment, though, and for as long as it lasted, it was really great to see her get excited about doing something new, big kid shit, for the first time.

She was proud. I was proud of her. And then we went to a playground for a few hours. Pretty good day.

Tyler Tynes roasting me

Tyler did some incredible work this year — The Cam Chronicles is getting deserved praise as one of 2020′s best podcasts, and his reporting on the Movement for Black Lives was exemplary. It’s hard to top this, though:

You know what the messed up part is? I was excited to tell him what I was doing, just because I knew the reaction would be so violent. Like a body rejecting a transplant. So lucky to have such a dear, dear friend.

PUP

I’m late on everything, so I didn’t start listening to PUP until the spring of 2019, but I haven’t really stopped since. This year has been too sedentary too often; this band is too kinetic to allow me to stay there.

“Bloody Mary Kate and Ashley Kate” is never more than about 20 minutes away from returning to the front of my mind. I would fucking love for it to be safe enough to watch these guys live at some point, and I am absolutely going to take Steve up on his offer.

Someone sending me a shirt based on a joke I tweeted

First:

Then:

Then:

I’m not sure you should be rewarding my behavior, SnoCoPrintShop, but I appreciate it all the same.

Which reminds me:

Family dinner/family movie night

My wife works in Manhattan and commutes back on the train, and we've tried to prioritize getting the girls to bed early since they were little, so that doesn’t leave much of a window between when she gets home and they go in the tub for us all to connect; before everything shut down, we almost never really ate together. We’re still not great about it, but for a while now we’ve carved out Saturday as family dinner night, where we sit down to eat and talk about our “up” from the day — something that happened that made us feel good or happy, or something we’re looking forward to. (We used to talk about our “down,” too, but that kind of seemed like overkill. Why try to focus on more bad shit right now, you know?)

Then we settle in for a movie, with who gets to pick rotating each week. It’s mostly been Pixar, which has been great but also has its drawbacks; after she caught me crying during one of them (maybe the Bing-Bong scene in Inside Out? or Miguel singing to Grandma Coco?), Siobhan straight up told me, “You need to get yourself together, man.” We just watched My Neighbor Totoro, too, which they loved, so we’re probably going to try some more Miyazaki soon. It’s a really simple thing, but it’s one we rarely made time for before, and it’s been really nice to manufacture something positive that we can share and look forward to together.

Sometimes looking like a shiftless drifter

No shade to anyone who felt strongly about getting a lineup or whatever, but I haven’t really felt like going to the barbershop was worth the risk, and I continue to refuse to believe that my wife can actually pull off the fade she’s long wanted to give me. (It is also possible that she just means she’s intending to run my fade, and that I will before long wind up cold-cocked and slumped by my bride of nine years.) So I’ve just kind of been growing out my hair like it was when I was single, and sometimes been letting my beard get kind of out of control too, and, well, I sort of like looking a little bit like a Wildling, it turns out.

I have since trimmed things up a little. It didn’t go over well with my youngest. Oh, well. I’ll try to do better next time.

My wife and daughter singing the Pixies

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We don’t know all the words to too many lullabies, so we sing the ones we do know the words to. This will probably come back to bite us in the years ahead. For now, though: Pretty good.

Doughboys’ Tournament of Chompions: Munch Madness: Mac Attack

I can’t believe how invested I became in Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell’s quest to determine the best menu item at McDonald’s in a 64-seed tournament that spawned hours and hours of delightfully funny audio featuring all-time home-run guests like Jon Gabrus and Nicole Byer, who gleefully feed into the often warm, sometimes antagonistic, always entertaining chemistry between the two hosts. I have also never found myself wanting to go to McDonald’s more in my entire life. I have hit the drive-thru a couple of times since, and the boys are right: The McDonald’s fountain Coke does just hit different.

Sound Only

I’ve lost track of whether or not a 38-year-old is considered a millennial, but I’m quite confident that I’m not exactly plugged into “the millennial lifestyle” as my teammates Justin Charity and Micah Peters discuss it on their podcast, which relaunched this summer. Doesn’t matter, though, because I love hearing Charity and Micah talk to each other even if I don’t know what they’re talking about.

Their conversation about Dave Chappelle was great. After listening to their Travis Scott episode, I felt like I kind of understood who he is and why he occupies the space he does in pop culture now. I had no idea how they were going to get me to give a shit about set photos from The Batman, but this they not only got me there, but wended their way toward blaming 50 Cent for needing to know who Groot is to have a conversation on the internet, which is something for which Abraham Lincoln did not die. The show is good, it's getting better, it’s fun to hear them talk their shit, and Charity’s regular bellowing of “I, TOO, AM AMERICA” has made me smile for four straight months. 

Siobhan’s letters and notes

She’s in first grade now, and she’s taken to communicating her feelings through the written word. A lot.

I won’t pretend that I loved all of these in the moment. I can only get so upset, though, when she’s already writing with such a clear voice. (And trying to use proper punctuation. (And drawing little cartoons to drive the point home.)

Palm Springs

I’m having a hard time remembering too many specifics about it right now, which probably means it’d be a good thing to rewatch over the holidays. But, as I’m sure many people noted many months before we got around to watching it, a comedy about living the same day over and over again, and about trying to figure out how to make your life mean something when everything seems meaningless, scratched a pretty particular, and particularly important, itch this year. It could’ve been twice as long, and I would’ve eaten up every second of Andy Samberg and Cristin Miloti together.

I’m pretty sure I cried, although this year, that doesn’t necessarily mean much.  Also, put Conner O’Malley in more things.

Joining our union’s bargaining committee

I won’t say too much about this, but I will say that becoming an active participant in the process of a labor union negotiating its first contract with management has been an extremely educational experience. It’s pushed me to have conversations, sometimes difficult ones, about our priorities as a staff and a company. It's helped me get closer with the other past and present members of the BC, and has led me to start developing relationships with members of our staff that I otherwise might not have had much of an opportunity to get to know.

The organizing work takes time, effort, and energy, but trying to do what I can to help take better care of my colleagues has been well worth all of that. Here’s hoping that in 2021 we can reach a deal that helps make our workplace even better, stronger, and more equitable for all of us.

Publishing a story about Stevie Nicks’ Fajita Roundup

I swear this is true: After I accepted my offer to work at The Ringer, but before I started, I told a friend that one thing I was excited about was that you had the chance to work on offbeat stuff here, in both the “kind of weird” and “not about the NBA” senses. That, I thought, might maybe open the door to me getting to write a story about a Saturday Night Live sketch I saw when I was a teenager about Stevie Nicks from Fleetwod Mac running a cheap Tex-Mex restaurant in Sedona, Arizona — a sketch that I wasn’t sure anyone else remembered, but that was stuck in my head forever.

That story ran on May 26.

A lot of people seemed to like it.

Accomplishing this goal was, as dumb as this might sound, a highlight of my year, and, honestly, a highlight of my career. I’d like to do some more stuff like this next year, time permitting; we’ll see. Whether or not I do, I got to do this. I’ll always have that.

[sothischickshe]

Hi!!! Green: Pencil, typewriter, or computer? Red: What type of writer’s block do you experience the most?

Green: Pencil, typewriter, or computer?

I answered this one before and the answer was none of the above! i want a PEN, please! if i must choose from one of those then i guess pencil, but i would complain about it the whole time and demand a pen.

Red: What type of writer’s block do you experience the most?

well, i don’t really run into it much, and i’m not sure i believe in it. or at least, i think it’s a very broad term trying to shove too much under its umbrella, and it gets weirdly romanticised.

ive definitely been ‘blocked’ on stories im not ready to tell, but i havent fussed about it and ive waited till the idea has grown and felt more complete, and ive felt more capable of writing it well.

when i started writing-and-posting, i felt like i had a lot of ideas and stories in a short space of time, and then it started to take longer, both to have an idea and then for it to come to fruition. and i def had moments of like oh no what if i never write/post anything again??? but then i was like, ok calm down it’s been a week or whatever.

i think i’m pretty good at just getting SOMETHING down, even if i know this section is rough or missing a lot or ooc or probably going to be deleted, bc you can edit the fuck out of something bad, but there’s not a lot you can do to something that doesn’t exist. (i find writing by hand really helpful for this.)

there are DEFINITELY times when ive wanted to write or edit (especially early in quarantine) and ive not been able to get as much done as i wanted. however, i think that was less ‘writer’s block’ and more... being exhausted? like i literally kept falling asleep when i was writing the first drafts, lol. and i reallllly need curtains in the living room man, me and my overtired eyes would try to go edit and just be like... i do NOT know about this burning sunlight. time for a nap methinks.

and ive DEFINITELY been frustrated during editing, like knowing something’s off but not knowing what exactly the problem is and therefore not knowing how to fix it, but i think i’m hopefully getting better at trusting in my instincts and the process and understanding that: im gonna hate the first draft but i can fix from there, all the fixes cannot possibly come at once, discovering stuff in the edit is so fucking fun, a lot of the fixes come from thinking about it but not looking at the doc, the unconscious mind is very powerful, if it’s not fun you can just stop.

i know ive got a fairly atypical writing process, but it works well for me! 

and i realise this wasnt exactly the q but some things which i have found help me avoid feeling blocked are:

having a list of stories i want to get to one day (and thinking about them a little more all the time but not approaching them till i feel ready to write them)

taking breaks in between finishing something and starting something (i mean i only write one thing at a time, but i think even if you write lots of things at a time, breaks of some kind are still important! otherwise your brain overheats and explodes)

not stressing and getting some sleep

finding a process that works for you and trusting in it and following it (and if it doesn’t work for something, being willing to try something else! being dogmatic is no fun)

skipping over what you can’t address now (whether that’s writing a bad first version you can edit from, or realising there’s a problem with a scene but saving fixing that for later, or acknowledging you’ve identified a flaw in your writing but going hey that’s too significant to address for this story but it’s something i’ll be more attendant to in the future)

not assuming that an inability to write or finish something is some deep significant writer’s block.... you might just be hungry or stressed about work or unable to focus till you reply to that email. if you have to attend to something else to get your mind in gear, that’s cool!

try to shut down on procrastination options while you’re trying to focus, but also don’t beat yourself up if you can’t focus rn. indulge! fuck it! the weird shit you end up googling might make itself into the story or a future one! you might end up relaxing into a writing mood!

just be kind to yourself. especially if you’re (primarily) writing as a hobby. if deadlines aren’t something you enjoy, don’t force them. things take as long as they take!

writey askys

[karmaistheguyonthe1975]

Yeah? Yeah.

Heyyyyyyy this is my gift for @coniello​, who I got in the @sincerely-us​ gift exchange! Sorry I’m posting this so late in the day. The prompt was Evan and Jared going on a road trip, but they’re in a fight so they kinda have to bond again. It was fun to write! 

This weekend was going to be... less than ideal, to say the very least. It was supposed to be fun, according to both Evan and Jared’s mothers, and according to the two boys themselves up until a few months ago.

A trip to a waterpark, the same one where they had shared their sixth birthday party, that had been planned for a year. But now, due to f**k-ups on both their parts, they had barely spoken a word to each other in over two months. A small fight over what movie to watch had turned into a shouting match that brought up every disagreement they had had for the past five years.

Of course, they could hardly tell that to their mothers. So there they were, stuck next to each other in a car for two and a half hours and facing two nights in a hotel room together. On top of that, they couldn’t ignore each other. They had to act as if they were still best friends. G r e a t.

The air between them was thick, and you could practically cut the tension with a knife. Both boys were desperate for some opportunity to relieve it, but unsure of how to.

‘I’m sorry,’ Evan typed into his notes, drafting a message that was likely never going to be sent. ‘I shouldn’t have said anything that I did, and I shouldn’t have accused you of lying about your camp friends. I’m sorry I’ve been forcing my presence on you throughout high school, I know you really don’t want to hang out with me, which is understandable. So yeah... I’m sorry.’

He copy-pasted it into his messages with Jared, staring at the send button and running through every situation he could think of if he sent it and if he didn’t.

Then something popped up on the screen: a meme. From Jared.

Evan deleted his message, instead sending a simple ‘Was that supposed to go to me?’

‘yes?’ Jared replied. ‘who else would it have gone to’

‘Oh... Aren’t you mad still?’

‘arent u?’

Evan glanced over at him, a confused look on his face. ‘No? I’m the one who messed up.’ He heard Jared snort a little.

‘havent changed at all i see. u arent the only one who messed up’

‘Jared, I accused you of lying about your camp friends purely because I was jealous of them.’

‘just shut up we both did a Big No accept it’

Evan laughed out loud. ‘I’m just... still sorry.’

‘well stop. like now’

Evan looked over and smiled at him. ‘Fine.’

Jared smirked back, but there was no trace of malice in it. ‘loser,’ he replied.

The rest of the three-hour drive was filled with memes, small-talk, and laughing, and, although it was slightly awkward, neither boy had been happier in a while.

“Okay, boys,” Heidi sighed once they were at the doors of the hotel rooms, trying to support the weight of her packed bags. “Make sure you don’t go to bed too late and meet us in the lobby for breakfast at...” She looked around, waiting for someone else to suggest a time.

“Nine?” Mrs. Kleinman offered.

“Yes, nine,” Heidi confirmed. “That sound good?”

“Yeah,” Evan replied. “Thanks, Mom.” Jared just finger-gunned.

“See you in the morning,” Ms. Kleinman said, opening the door of the room that she and Heidi were sharing.

“See ya!” Jared called, swinging into his own room and pulling Evan in by the elbow.

Evan leaned against the door uncomfortably, biting his lip and looking anywhere other than Jared’s eyes. The car was much easier than this. He could easily avoid eye-contact in the car, only having to look ahead, or out the window. “So...” he tried. “How are you?” Mentally, he scolded himself. God, that was such a stupid question. “I mean like how have you been? Because obviously we’ve been talking for a while and I know... s**t sorry, I’m bad at this.”

Jared laughed and threw himself into the crappy hotel room couch. “Evan, chill out,” he said. “Like seriously.”

“Right,” Evan mumbled. “Sorry- I mean, um...”

“I get it,” Jared interrupted, holding out his hand. “Do you like... want to put your s**t down and sit? You’re allowed to do that.”

Evan looked down and realized he was indeed still holding his bags, suddenly becoming aware of the ache in his arms. “Oh, right.” He placed his bags in a neat pile by the beds, a contrast to the haphazardly stacked ones that Jared had merely tossed onto the bed he’d claimed as his own. He still didn’t sit, though, even when Jared gestured questioningly at the couch.

“Made a college decision yet?” Jared asked. “You didn’t know, last we talked.”

Evan nodded. “I’m gonna take a year to save up, then I’m probably going to do some kind of biology, maybe. Staying close to home, though. You were gonna go... somewhere in Montana, right?”

“Montana State,” Jared agreed. “Computer science. I got a s**t-ton of scholarships, too.” Although you wouldn’t guess it upon first, second, or third impressions of him, Jared was freakishly smart, maintaining a 4.0 in high school despite sleeping through class 50% of the time and regularly skipping.

Evan smiled. “That’s- I’m really happy for you, that’s really great.”

“It’s school,” Jared grumbled. “I don’t know why I’m paying to go. I should be paid to go.”

As Jared complained, his face shifted into a childish frown. The expression reminded Evan of when they were in middle school, including some, ahem, certain feelings that tended to pop up when a hormonal and bisexual 8th grader had a smart, funny... kind of cute-

Oh, S**T! Evan thought. Those feelings we’re supposed to have been kicked to curb years ago. But apparently not.

“Ev,” Jared called, snapping his fingers. “Earth to acorn.”

Evan looked at him (well, more like started paying attention to him. He had been staring after all). “Yeah? Sorry, I, um... I zoned out. Sorry.”

“You were staring at me,” Jared informed bluntly. “I mean, who could blame you, I am gorgeous, but-”

“No I wasn’t!” Evan lied.

“You were.”

“No!”

“Fine then, keep your crush repressed,” Jared teased, both projecting onto Evan and being characteristically oblivious.

Evan turned pink. “I...”

Jared cracked up. “You’re such a dork!” he wheezed.

“I am not!” Evan protested. “You’re the dork.”

In response, Jared held up a finger as he dug through his pockets, finally pulling out a crumpled yellow card. “Uno reverse card,” he smirked.

“You-” Evan said. “You just keep that in your pocket?!”

“Yep,” Jared replied, popping the p.

Finally, Evan sat on the couch, although he remained tense. “I like hanging out with you,” he mumbled, having a momentary burst of courage that left him with immense amounts of regret. “Oh my God, that was so weird, I’m sorry! I just meant like, you know-”

“Evan,” Jared said, trying to stop the word vomit.

“Because we fought and we have talked in months I just missed you, you know? And I-”

“Evan!” Jared repeated, louder, which successfully silenced him. “I know what you mean. You don’t have to explain yourself. I missed you too. I shouldn’t have been such an a*shole during high school.”

Evan smiled weakly. “It’s okay.”

Jared smiled back. “Star Wars?” he asked.

“Oh God,” Evan laughed. “We haven’t watched those since we hung out every weekend in 8th grade.”

“You haven’t,” Jared corrected. “I’m not a heathen, I still watch them regularly.”

“Whatever. Let’s do it.”

One movie later, they had assumed a position in which Jared’s head was resting on Evan’s shoulder and their hands were touching in an effort to make the computer stay steady. Jared stretched a little and looked up at Evan, who had a slight glow surrounding his head from the lights shining through his blond hair. Would it be gay to kiss him? Jared asked himself. YES IT WOULD BE GAY, IDIOT!

Holy s**t, he was actually considering this. He had never been known for being open with his feelings, opting instead for sudden outbursts and passive-aggressive remarks. But lately, he had been doing better. He wasn’t as mean, at least, and slightly less scared of feelings. “Evan...?” he said finally, an audible shake in his voice.

“Yeah?” Evan asked, staring at the space between Jared’s eyes, which was the closest he could comfortably get to eye-contact.

Jared’s hands began to shake slightly, never a good sign. “Can I... s**t...”

Evan moved so he was entirely sat up, taking hold of Jared’s forearm to calm him down. “Jared,” he murmured. “Breathe.” Panic attacks, and the preceding moments, were something that Evan had more experience with than he would care to admit. But in situations like this is was undeniably helpful to know how to deal.

Jared frantically searched Evan’s face for a sign of... something. His eyes moved like those of a caged animal, darting back and forth, even though his body was frozen. Finally, possessed by some other force, he pressed his lips up against Evan’s, staying stiffly there for a moment before realizing what he had done and pulling away.

Evan stared blankly at him for a moment, entirely dumbfounded, before leaning down to repeat it. Jared kissed back momentarily, but pulled away and looked down after a minute.

“Sorry,” Evan muttered. “I shouldn’t have... I didn’t mean to... crap, I messed this all up, didn’t I?”

Jared distanced himself from Evan, giving him a few inches of space. After a few moments of silence, he spoke quietly. “Was that okay?”

“Was it okay with you?” Evan responded, his usual stutter gone and replaced by a shaky, quiet tone.

“If it was with you... yeah.”

“It was,” Evan replied hesitantly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jared looked over at him, biting his lip to refrain from a hopeful smile. He placed his hand half of the distance between them, letting Evan decide whether or not to take it.

Evan moved his hand to cover Jared’s. “Yeah?” he asked, repeating Jared’s question.

“Yeah,” Jared echoed.

And there they sat, comfortably silent, the same thought running through both their heads.

Maybe this trip won’t be so bad.

[codenamesazanka]

I know this is a really vague thing to ask, but do you have any tips for writing Shigaraki? I know Echodrops made a whole meta about fanon Shigaraki vs canon Shigaraki but do you personally have anything in particular you'd want to mention yourself about the portrayal of Shigaraki in fanfics?

(Here’s the link to @echodrops‘s post! It’s really, really good, and helped me figure out Shigaraki a lot in the first place. thank you!)

oooh! Not at all a vague thing, this is a great question. I started all this meta because I wanted to figure out how to write Shigaraki as well. A word of caution tho, because this would be my personal interpretation of Shigaraki, though I’ll try to use as much manga examples as I can. As always, super long post. 

Note: images are edited to fit exact quotes to relevant and reasonable sized images, instead of a whole manga page

Here’s some hand man characteristics/traits that I think are overlooked:

Shigaraki Tomura, in his beliefs/values, has a tendency for all-or-nothing thinking, to be extreme in his actions. In all three of his incarnations - the oneshot Tenko, the draft Sazanka, and this current one - a core of the character is 1) finding something flawed/bad/had hurt him somehow 2) completely loathing it 3) vowing to destroy it. 

Tenko despised samurai and their warring, and wishes to rid the world of swords. Sazanka is on a quest to kill quirk-users with quirks he deems too dangerous for society. And Shigaraki has decided that the Heroes and justice system is a farce, and is out to destroy it. 

Kinda fitting for a guy with his quirk - he either doesn’t destroy something, or destroys it completely. The moment he makes his decision, it’s fast and permanent. 

For Shigaraki, murder is murder, destruction is destruction, violence is violence, no matter how you dress it up. That’s why he couldn’t see the difference between him and Stain. That’s why he can’t see that Bakugou, as aggressive and vicious as he is, still wants to be a good guy. 

Now this is my take, but I think his mindset is: Because All Might can’t save everyone, he’s a fake, he’s trash; because everyone will say they condemn murder yet go about their lives carefree even though they know logically someone is out there getting killed, morality and justice is an illusion; because justice is so fragile and flimsy, I will expose it and destroy it. 

Not in any goodwill or for a better society, mind you. He just hates it. 

He also has no illusions about himself or his actions, he knows he’s evil.

Shigaraki is a lot more sarcastic and sardonic than usually portrayed in fanon. He’s very rude and can be foul mouthed, but the real insult comes from his tone and behavior. He condescendingly calls Eraserhead cool. He calls Stain the ‘Great Senpai of scoundrels’. He points out to Overhaul how a wakagashira/underboss like him should be more polite. Just about half of everything he says is dripping with mockery, and he’s very breezy and irreverent. So a bit less ‘I hate you, fuck off’, and more cheek.

Adding to that, if I’m reading my Japanese right, Shigaraki can change how he addresses people depending on the person and situation. His default speech is rude, but he’ll talk somewhat (barely) politely-ish if needed; it’s just it’s very obvious he’s not taking it seriously. 

Related, I feel like Shigaraki says a lot of things he doesn’t really believe. He tries out concepts, half-heartedly, on a whim. There’s that infamous speech at USJ about Heroes and Villains both using violence - which does seem to have some semblance to the actual ‘two sides of the same coin’ that even Best Jeanist talks about. 

And here’s him considering Stain’s effects on heroes, with gusto, before ditching it.

I know it’s Smash!, but here’s him reciting some sort of pseudo education philosophy he picked up somewhere??? to Kurogiri to get out of exercise. 

He’s a total smartass 

Of course, this brings up the question, is he genuine in his speech to Bakugou, or to Toga and Twice? 

 Like Echodrop notes, he can be in a good mood. He can be (seem?) happy, he can smile, he will acknowledge when someone does a good job of something. 

Sure, it’s got a manic edge to it, it’s probably not coming from a place of good, fluffy, innocent feelings, but he can laugh, enjoy the moment, be psyched about something. 

I really like this scene because he actually giggles a bit. He squeezes Midoriya, and he really does seem excited for a chat. 

He’s quick to go back to being default cranky tho. Quick to enjoy, quick to get irked.  

Shigaraki is a weirdo and I love him.

 My boy is smart. Really, Shigaraki is smarter than he looks. In the Ultra Archive, his profile lists his intelligence as ‘A’, ranking him above most characters, including Midoriya. I get that Deku’s whole thing is being the strategizing main character, but Shigaraki’s just as analytical. Even the Smash! Comic points this out. 

His room is filled with books, so either he reads a lot or he hoards them to look smart. I think it’s the former. Well, it’s not mutually exclusive, I should know.

He thinks and reflects and questions. He was super pissed about Stain, but he realized Stain was right and tried to figure out why. He went on a walk to calm down and just ruminate. He sought out Midoriya just to get second opinion. Afterwards, he quickly sees the bigger picture and realizes the issue is systemic and he’s gotta attack the structure. Of course, kinda shaky on the specific details and it’s not endgame long term, but still impressive. 

There’s a lot of Villain!Deku fanfics - and I like them a lot! - that turns Deku into the criminal mastermind or makes him the brains behind Shigaraki’s operations. Which is fair, Deku could totally be one! And also a lot of fics where Shigaraki is dismissed, with everything he does being AFO’s machinations. Again, fair. But Canon Shigaraki is AFO’s successor and leads the League for a reason.

This also means, I think, that Shigaraki isn’t as clueless to the fact that All For One is manipulating him. This point is entirely debatable, though. All I have to back this is how Shigaraki wondered if he was lied to in the USJ.

Even tho he’s facepalm crusty boi neet, Shigaraki is still a very dangerous S-ranked villain. I feel like sometimes people forget this. 

 He’s not that childish. He can be immature, he’s still learning the ropes of being a supervillain, he’s got an irritable and sullen disposition, but he’s not a five-year-old. He’s also not completely unhinged. 

When things don’t go his way, his first response usually isn’t to shriek or whine or immediately snap. He’s got a clear head and a good sense of what he can and can’t do. Kurogiri is down, All Might escaped their grasp, but Nomu’s still active? Cool, we got this. It’s only when Nomu gets team-rocket-ed that he panics. Stain stabs him? Doesn’t start a fight right there and then, asks Master for some Nomu, is patient enough to wait until he decides he really can’t stand Stain, then finally gives the go ahead for a rampage. 

Shigaraki knew from the start he can’t handle All Might. That’s Nomu’s job. As much as he hates All Might, he doesn’t jump at the chance to kill the hero personally. He’s not ruled by impulse or easy distractions, not really. And he will back down if Kurogiri reasons with him - see accepting Stain as a party member, see letting Toga and Dabi live. And after he got his motivation, he’s been very restraint since. 

He doesn’t immediately destroy his things in anger - we only see him destroy only few items pre-mall talk. He decays binoculars, a photo of Deku, maybe a newspaper, all quiet and deliberate. Kurogiri’s bar is intact and clean, despite being the long-time hang out spot of the destructive Shigaraki Tomura. Would he decay a controller after losing a game? Maybe, but also just as likely maybe not. 

Shigaraki will complain and bitch and sulk and hold a grudge, tho, yeah. He will lose it after a series of stressors/things gone wrong. He can be moody, cruel and sadistic, bloodthirsty and mayhem-loving. But he’s got himself under control more often than not. 

Finally, video games: My biggest pet peeve about portrayal of Shigaraki in fanfics: He’s super obsessed with video games, to the point that he plays them all day long, and he can’t stop using video game slang for everything - or so a lot of the fandom believes. 

I’ve pointed out before that we’re more likely to see him reading the newspaper and we’ve never actually seen him use a console ever in manga or anime. True, he likens scenarios to games frequently, but not all the time - the USJ fight was when he did that the most, then in his other appearances only once or twice during the whole scene (Doesn’t want Stain as a ‘party member’, none at all when meeting Dabi or Toga and then at the mall, camp arc has him seeing himself playing a Sim instead of an RPG, calls All Might ‘last boss’ during the raid, then nothing for his next appearances). At least not out loud. As fun as it is to imagine him as a geeky gamer, and he is, but he does more than just that. 

I think Shigaraki uses video games and media to create mental scripts for himself to understand/interact with the world, but it serves as a skeleton. He fleshes it out, always adding to that mental model to create a more complex one. He calls his change of strategy as playing a Sim game, but it’s a good analogy that works for him, and we see how layered his plan is - dealing a blow to UA that works whether the Vanguard succeed or not, kidnapping Bakugou and Ragdoll, in order to bring about the media and public criticism of UA/heroes, and had it not been for the raid, something would’ve happen to Bakugou that would’ve demoralized everyone. 

He def is grounded in reality enough to know what he’s doing is more than just a game. 

And that’s all I got for now! There might be a part two. idk, but I hope this was helpful!