#I got most of my packing done for the trip on Friday

[isfjmel-phleg]

Oh no. Thunderstorm, and I still haven't done the dishes. Whatever shall I do. Guess they'll just have to be a tomorrow problem. Alas, alas. Going to bed without having washed a single dish today. The worst.

[axelsagewrites]

Roy Kent*Bus Buddy

Pairing: Roy x reader

Word count: 2511

Warnings: pure fluff, Jamie flirting with reader, protective Roy, swearing

Masterlist here

at the same time that Ted got hired Rebecca had also decided she needed an assistant to enact her perfect revenge, so the boys often saw you walking around Richmond or at press interviews. Any time you entered the locker room wolf whistles from Jamie rang across the room followed by a loud ‘shut it’ from Roy. Usually, you’d object to Jamies actions, but the routine had become so common you found it funny especially when Roy dogged him into Keeley one time, and you saw him drag Jamie by the ear.

You weren’t sure why the tough and silent Roy Kent was so protective of you, but you were grateful to know walking into a locker room filled with men that he had your back. the longer you were around the team though you realised none of the boys would even hurt a fly.

still locker rooms or crowded hotel lobbies could get rowdy, and Roy almost acted as security, weaving you through the crowd and telling everyone to fuck off. any thanks you gave him were met with grunts, nods, or two-word answers.

sometimes you had to talk to Roy though, but you never complained. whenever you had forms for him to sign or events you wanted him to attend, sadly only on a work basis, he gladly complied without fuss. feeling his hand brush, yours as he took the pen from your hand or getting to secretly glance at his face as he filled out the forms was enough to make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

you’d convinced yourself your crush was harmless. after all he was Roy Kent, an absolutely loaded footballer with an exterior tougher than diamond. its not like you flirted with him or stared at him. well not on purpose at least.

this weekend saw Richmond visiting another stadium a six-hour drive away for their next match. usually, you travelled with Rebecca but due to some other things she had to get done this weekend, aka a spa trip with Keeley you were secretly so jealous about, she had decided to send you as a representative. however, this also meant you got to arrive at Richmond Friday afternoon with a packed bag and a bunch of rowdy footballers.

“Well look who our newest bus buddy is,” Ted said, putting his hands on his hips as you approached the gaggle of men. “Hope you don’t mind being down graded to ride with us bunch of savages,” he joked as he ticked your name off his clipboard. you really did appreciate Teds soccer mom vibes.

You laughed as you dragged your suitcase up to stand by Ted at the bus, “Please how bad can it be? it’s just a bus,”

“Yeah, but with these twats,” Roy’s voice made Ted jump, but you just turned and smiled, ready to say hi, but Roy just walked past you. He picked up his suitcase, tossing it under the bus before turning back and picking yours up and placing yours in with far more care than he had with his own. When you said thanks, Roy just nodded before heading onto the bus, assumably to secure the most isolated spot he could.

Ted let out a low whistle as Roy walked off, “He’s a charmer alright,” he said, his eyes scurrying around before leaning down to whisper to you, “If I didn’t know any better I’d think he’s sweet on you,” You laughed but before you could even try to deny it Ted was pointing at your face, “and if I’m not blind you my friend are blushing,”

“Shut up Ted,” was all you managed to say before Nate walked over and thankfully Ted knew better than to keep going in front of him.

while you were talking to Nate and Ted the bus all the players had arrived and assembled on the bus. you were the last to climb on the bus since even though you knew it couldn’t be that bad six hours on a bus was still a dire experience. “Oi need a seat love?” Jamie hollered from the back of the bus, already tossing his bag to his feet.

“There’s a seat by me,” Dani pipped up from a few rows in front of Jamie.

you laughed, trying to think who would be the least awkward seat mate. however, as you went to move forward, figuring Dani would be less out right flirty than Jamie you were stopped by Roy standing up from his seat and stepping into the aisle.

when you looked up at him, expecting him to say something, he just looked down at the window seat he had just given up. you smiled as you moved to sit down, “Thanks,” you said squeezing past him, “Thanks boys but I prefer the front of the bus,” you said before settling down for the ride.

Roy dropped into the aisle seat and while you knew he was trying to keep in his seat the bus seats were only so big, so your thighs were bumping into each other, “Thanks for saving me,” you whispered to him.

Roy chuckled under his breath, “Really think I’d let you get tortured back there like that?” he whispered back making his voice sound even sexier if possible. the bus set off only a few minutes later and now you were trapped in a bus with 25 rowdy men who instantly started talking amongst themselves and playing bus games. “Bet you wish you’d never got on this bus,” Roy said in a low voice but with all the noise at least you didn’t have to whisper.

“Nah I don’t mind, honest,” you said, settling into your seat, “Sitting in a silent plane with Rebecca can get awkward,”

“Sorry I’ve not got any champagne for ya,” Roy joked and for the rest of the ride you actually talked the whole way which is the longest you’ve ever spoke to him for. you were almost sad when the bus pulled up outside the hotel.

without a word Roy had grabbed your suitcase and his, walking into the hotel still wrapped up in a debate about which ice cream flavour was superior. “Checking in together?” The receptionist asked making you blush, and Roy clear his throat.

“Eh no, separate,” he said, glancing down at you but you wish he hadn’t since you knew your cheeks were flaming hot as you gave the woman your information. however, after getting checked in Roy still carried your cases, taking them up to your room with you in silence. He sat the bag down in front of your room for you as you unlocked the door, “I’m just down the hall. 203. so eh if anyone gives you bother or these twats are too loud tonight give me a knock,”

“Will do captain,” you said, trying your best to stay composed as you got into your room, shutting the door behind you so you could freak out.

the next day was too hectic to even think about flirting with Roy or even catching a glimpse of him off the field. however, Richmond had managed to secure a tie which for them right now was a big win. however, what was not a big win was the fact that you had to get back in the coach that day since the team had a bunch of press to do tomorrow at Richmond.

between the game, the press interviews, everyone showering and getting into clean clothes, and checking out you weren’t even set to leave till 10pm despite the game kicking off at 1:30pm. you were already yawning as you came down the lift to the reception.

most of the boys were also absolutely shattered. running for 90 minutes straight at full speed was tiring enough without also having to pack and do press. you had got to sit during the game, but you also had the job of Rebecca all day so now you really understood why she needed that spa weekend. “Bus said it’ll be pulling up in five minutes,” you yawned as you sat your bag down, “Head count time,” you said.

you felt like a primary teacher, but you didn’t care as you walked around, counting each player as you put your hand on their head. they were all too tired to complain and even Issac let you touch his hair. “twenty three,” you said, counting Dani before stopping, “Wow your hair is soft,” you gasped before continuing as Dani beamed from his seat, “Twenty four,” you said, reaching up to pat Roy’s head but you were too tired to see the way he smiled at you when you did, “Twenty five,” you finished, putting your hand on your own head making Roy chuckle quietly. “We didn’t lose anyone, great job team. now shift it, I wanna sleep,”

“You heard her twats, get moving,” Roy said, his loud voice shocking everyone including the hotel staff. at least it got the boys moving though. Roy cleared his throat as he glanced down at you, “Need a seat buddy again?” he asked as you filed out behind all the boys.

you smiled up at him, “Yeah that’d be nice. Its your turn for the window seat,”

“I don’t mind, you keep it,” he said as you finally got to the bus. the boys were all tossing their cases in and filing into the bus with very few mumblings between them. you were silently thankful everyone was exhausted, “Just don’t fall asleep standing,” Roy’s joke snapped you back to reality as he loaded in your cases.

“Fine but I make no promises about the bus,” you said as you walked to get on, Roy offering for you to go first. a sweet gesture to you and silently Roy was grateful for the chance to check out your ass. “This seat, okay?” you said, plopping down into the first available seat. Roy didn’t even reply as he sat down next to you.

Ted was the last to get on and while you usually loved his speeches today you just did not care. “Now all yall try get some shut eye. Six hours of sleep would do you all the world of good right now,”

“Yes coach,” rang out in a sleepy chorus as everyone settled in to nap on the bus for the night.

as you looked around you saw Jamie in the seat across from you with a blanket already pulled over him and Dani a seat behind you with an eye mask on, “I am clearly not prepared,” you joked quietly to Roy.

Roy looked over, seeing his fellow teammates who were used to these late-night busses, “You can borrow my jacket if you get cold,” Roy said quietly making you inwardly melt, “Not much of a blanket but it’s warm,”

“I’ll think about it,” you yawned, making Roy smile as he saw how you stretched away your sleep. or well tried to. the ride set off and you could already hear soft snores across the bus. any of the boys who couldn’t sleep had headphones in and you had never been more grateful.

you sat in silence, looking out the window as the head lights of other cars went past and let yourself sink further into your seat. you barely noticed when Roy shrugged his jacket off or realise how close to him you were getting but you could feel your eyelids growing heavier with each passing moment.

Roy however had noticed the soft snores coming from you when your eyes had finally closed, unable to fight sleep off anymore. he was thankful everyone was asleep or not paying attention as he got to look down at you sleeping on his shoulder with a soft smile. after a few minutes, sure you were asleep, he gently pulled his jacket over you like a blanket.

he wasn’t sure when he had fell for you or why, but he’d known for weeks now that he liked you. hell, more than liked. there was just something about you and right now you looked downright adorable as you nuzzled further into him. Roy slipped his arm behind your back, allowing you to properly sleep on him and his hand to rest on your waist.

usually, Roy was far too tense or pent up in rides home to sleep on the bus, especially with a team he just knew were desperate to draw something on his face, but Roy was surprised when he opened his eyes and sunlight blinded him.

the bus was pulling up to Richmond at an ungodly 4 am when Roy realised, he had fallen asleep, his head resting on top of yours. without thinking, still in a sleepy state, Roy pressed a kiss to the top of your head as he moved to sit up. however, when he saw you stir awake, he kicked himself internally, “Are we here?” you yawned, pulling away from him and Roy already missed the feeling of you curled up to him.

“Looks like it,” Roy said as you looked down to realise it had been Roy’s jacket covering you, “You uh looked cold,” Roy said, clearing his throat and thankful he had a beard to cover the way his cheeks grew hot.

“Thanks,” you said, a sleepy smile playing your lips as the rest of the team started to wake. “Did you manage to sleep?”

“A bit yeah,” Roy said, and it was as you shuffle forward Roy realised his mistake when you looked down at his arm, “Sorry bout that,” he mumbled, quickly pulling his arm out from where it had been wrapped around your waist.

“It’s alright I don’t mind,” you said, a smile toying your lips as you stretched to try wake up.

without anything else said, really by anyone, you all filtered off the bus and Roy went to get both your suitcases. Roy cleared his throat as he went to pass yours to you, a nervous habit you’d only just really noticed, “Do you need a lift up the road? my cars just over there,”

“If you don’t mind that’d be great,” you said, so relieved you weren’t going to have to sleep in Rebeccas office, “Don’t hate me if I fall asleep in the car though,”

“Couldn’t hate you if I tried,” Roy said as he took the suitcase back and began to walk to his car. you blushed as you followed behind him, climbing into the passenger side as Roy loaded the bags in, “You all set?” Roy asked as he hopped into the driver’s seat.

when Roy glanced over, he couldn’t help but laugh when he noticed you were already asleep in the car. Roy reached over, buckling you in before getting ready to hit the road. he’d dropped you off a few times from work so he knew the way already, but Roy couldn’t stop himself stealing so many glances at the sight of you. there was no avoiding his feelings now.  Roy Kent was in love.

[welldonebeca]

Glitter and Goo (I)

Summary: When you have to go on a mission to a different planet together, Bucky is hit by a mating ritual flower, and some feelings you two have been hiding come up. AKA: It’s a sex pollen fic with a side of breeding kink. WC: 1k words Warnings: Tension. Romantic tension.

If you like my work, consider buying me a coffee or subscribing to my Patreon. It’s just $2 a month and I promise you won’t regret it.

Masterlist

You watched the door of the ship nervously as Bucky ran up, keeping your distance as he practically barked at you in the COM system to do.

"Are you sure you're alright?" you insisted as he walked past you, sniffing, a little irritated on the nose.

What was that smell?

"I'm fine," he grunted. "I just need to clean up."

You hesitated a bit. The two of you were alone in that mission, to find some special element on a different planet.

"Did you get it?" you asked him, crossing your arms.

Bucky walked into the isolated decontamination shower.

"I did," he called from inside. "It's in my pocket."

You walked near the door, trying not to look inside.

"Get me a ziplock bag," he commanded.

"Are you sure you are alright?" you insisted. "Bucky, if it sprayed on you-"

He didn't even let you finish.

"I'll be fine," he snapped. "Just get me the ziplock bag!"

You stood stiffly, surprised by the harsh words.

Now, that wasn't like Bucky.

He sighed on the other side.

"Sorry," he spoke quickly. "I'm just... I want to wash this off of me."

You walked to the side, taking some of the ziplock bags you had.

"What happened?" you asked him, showing the empty ziplock to him.

The door opened slightly, and he pulled it from your hand quickly, closing the door again.

"Fucking flower exploded in front of me when I was kneeling," Bucky explained. "There's powder and goo everywhere. But I'm alright, really. Just... let me shower."

You pressed your lips together, but kept quiet, not wanting to fight with him and have a long, awkward trip back home. It was just the two of you for two fucking days.

"Do you want me to get you a change of clothes?" you offered.

This wasn't your shared bathroom, it was a fucking decontamination shower.

Bucky sighed.

"Yeah," he decided. "Please."

You did, placing it down in the exit and putting your protection equipment before taking his clothes and the element.

His jacket was covered in some pink shimmery dust, as he had just gotten in the way of a glitter bomb.

You took some of it too, putting it in your database, along with some of the goo, though most of it seemed to have dried already. The best-case scenario was that nothing would happen, but it was best to be safe.

"Friday?" you called. "Can you send a copy of these to HQ too? Maybe someone knows what they are."

"Yes, ma'am," the system answered back.

By the time you were done and back, Bucky had left the decontamination shower, and looked very grumpy.

"Hey," you stopped in front of him, still a little hesitant. "Doing alright?"

He glanced up at you, eyes lingering on your chest before moving to your face, scrubbing his metal arm.

"I'll have to get someone to look into my arm," he told you. "I don't know if something got between the plates."

You tilted your head, surprised.

"I thought it was self-cleaning," you noted. "Like... a fancy self-cleaning oven, of sorts."

His lips curled in a tiny smile at your joke.

"Most of the time," he confirmed. "But I never had alien pollen and goo on it before."

You shrugged, amused.

"Well, good luck," you wished him. "I sent that stuff to the database, just to be sure."

He hummed a bit in confirmation, and you left him alone, going to the food supply to fix dinner for you two.

"Bucky?" you called. "Why didn't you tell me they packed us lemons?"

Bucky had been the one to deal with the food on the way up, more used to making food in a ship than you'd ever been.

You looked back at the lack of answer and walked back to where you'd left him, finding him resting back on the wall, looking a little loopy.

"Bucky?" you called.

He jumped, surprised, though his eyes were still heavy.

"Hi," he gasped back. "Sorry, what?"

"Lemons," you told him. "You didn't tell me we had them. I can make lemonade."

Bucky took his hand to his nose, pinching in.

"I'm not hungry," he told you. "Maybe just... I don't know. Squeeze one for yourself?"

You shifted on your feet.

"Are you alright?"

Bucky rubbed his eye.

"Yeah," he waved you a dismissive hand.

"Maybe you should have a nap?" you suggested. "Did you sleep since we left?"

He moved slowly, shaking his head.

"Gotta make sure you're safe," he mumbled. "We're in space."

You shook your head.

Bucky was so protective, and it was cute, but it worried you a bit. You were a scientist, not an agent or an Avenger, like him, but it didn't mean you couldn't protect yourself. You worked for SHIELD! Being able to protect yourself was probably the most important thing after being good at your job.

"Well, we can't be more alone," you assured him. "And the ship is very good at protecting anyone who is inside."

He scoffed, but you reached for him anyway, pulling him.

"Come on," you told him. "Bedtime for you."

He grunted but followed you quietly as you guided him down to your shared dorm, sitting him on his bed - the bigger one, large enough to fit his massive body.

"Don't want to leave you alone," he fell back, hand holding yours closely.

You squeezed his hand and he took it closer to his face, nosing your skin.

"I'll be alright," you assured him. "Don't worry."

But Bucky didn't let you go, holding you with such firmness you couldn't help but focus a little too much on it.

His lips brushed against the back of your hand as his eyes closed, mumbling something so low you couldn't quite understand the words.

He dozed, and when you tried to move, he just held you in place.

You sighed, and reached for your bed, taking your pillow and sneaking it to his side. It was weird, maybe, but when you put it near his face, he sought it with his nose, sniffing it and moving closer and grabbing it, finally letting you go.

Bucky nuzzled your pillow happily, holding it in a tight grip as he turned to his side, and it awakened something in you, imagining how it would feel to be the one he was squeezing so closely like that.

Still, you stood up, shaking some wisdom into yourself and walking out, closing the door.

He needed to rest.

…

“Glitter and Goo” was first posted on my Patreon on April 2023. To read it now, subscribe to my page, it’s just $2 a month and I post 6x a week.

. . .

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Glitter and Goo: @art2emily

[wheels-of-despair]

A Very Important Date Pairing: Eddie Munson x You Summary: Evil Woman doesn't want to make a big deal out of her birthday. However, she's dating Eddie Munson, sooo… Contains: Smoking, Disney references, implied drug use, Eddie being a perfect nerd, and a typical annoying boy, birthday shenanigans, no projection whatsoever. Words: 1.3k

"What do you wanna do for your birthday?"

"You," you smirk, ending your staring contest with the cat lurking under Eddie's van to look for his reaction. You're on the couch on his porch together, enjoying the cool evening breeze. Your legs are draped across his lap.

"I mean, obviously," he puffs out his chest smugly, playing with the frayed knee of your jeans while he smokes. "But what else?"

You shrug. Eddie sighs.

"I'm not big on birthdays."

"Why not?"

You shrug again, and reach for his cigarette. He lets you take it, then crosses his arms and looks at you expectantly. You stall with a deep drag.

"My dad used to insist on parties," you exhale. "So he could show everyone what a great parent he was. While I was sitting off to the side, watching the clock, waiting for it to be over so everybody would go away and leave me the hell alone."

"That's fucked up," he observes, after a beat.

You shrug for a third time, take another drag, and pass the cancer stick back to him.

"I just wanna hang out with you. We don't even have to do anything. We can sit here and watch shitty horror movies."

"We do that every weekend," he says with a furrowed brow.

"And I love it," you assure him.

"What if I thought of something awesome?"

"If you're there, I'm up for anything." Damn that pretty pout of his.

He grins like The Grinch, and you feel your stomach sink. Oh god, what did you just agree to?

Three days before your birthday, you were lying on your bed and reading a magazine when Eddie walked in and dangled an envelope in front of your face. You reached for it, and he jerked it away. This little game repeated three times, until you gave him a light kick, and he finally dropped it. On your face. What a gentleman.

"Do I open this now, or…?" You scooch over to make room for the pain in your ass.

"Now." He flops on his back at the foot of your bed.

"Yes, dear," you deadpan as you open it and slide out… a list. "What's this?"

"Things you need to pack for this weekend." He laces his fingers behind his head, looking pleased with himself.

"Pajamas, toothbrush, swimsuit, hat… band-aids… a paperclip… a flashlight… a loaf of bread?! Eddie, what the hell is this?"

"I told you," he grins. "Things you need to pack."

"But--"

"Trust me, dammit!" he snaps.

"FINE!" you counter. You give his side a playful nudge with your foot, and he squawks.

"Oh, I'm sorry, was that your ticklish spot?"

"No!"

"Then you won't mind if I just…" You extend your foot toward him again, and he captures it.

"Behave, or you won't get the best birthday weekend ever."

"Weekend?"

"Wayne's going on a fishing trip with one of his buddies, so we've got the castle to ourselves until Sunday evening."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really." He lets your foot go, and crawls up to lie on his side next to you. "It's been cleared with the authorities. You're mine, woman."

"And I have no say in this?" you ask, turning your head toward him.

He clutches his heart in mock hurt, pokes out his bottom lip, and activates The Puppy Eyes. "You don't want to be with me? On your most special day? After all this planning I've done?"

You roll your eyes, then lie back on your pillow and close them. Before you know what hit you, you've got a giant nerd on top of you. "I asked you a questionnn." He drags out the last word as his hands glide down your arms… and grab your wrists. He pulls them above your head and holds them there, smirking above you. "Well?"

"What was the question?"

"Doesn't matter, I'm kidnapping you anyway." He nips at your neck playfully, and you squirm and laugh. And that was that.

On Friday after Hellfire, Eddie brought you home with him.

"Stay," he ordered with a point of his finger, before he'd even removed the keys from the ignition. You responded with a mock salute. He grabbed his keys and your bag and hopped out of the van, leaving you there while he scampered inside. You could see his shadow running around in the living room. It was quite entertaining, but the suspense was killing you.

Finally, he came back out to the van and opened your door.

"Oh, am I allowed to get out now?" you tease as you slide from the seat to the ground.

"Careful, girl, or we'll get started on that birthday spanking early."

"Feelin' brave tonight, boy?" You take a playful leap at him, and he jumps back with a yelp. And then he glares, because he fell for it. Dummy.

Quick as a flash, he bends down and hauls you over his shoulder. You squeak in surprise, and again when his hand comes down on your ass. He cackles and carries you inside, dumping you on the couch.

You stand and turn in a circle and take in the strange decorations he'd littered the living room with.

Construction paper flowers. Some of his favorite mugs on the table instead of hanging on the wall. A single yellow balloon tied to a lamp. Playing cards all over the floor… wait, were those decorations, or did he knock them over while he was trying to set up whatever this was?

He rocks on the balls of his feet while he watches you take it all in. Finally, you turn to him and ask: "What the hell?"

"Evil Woman in Wonderland. Duh."

And then you get it.

The flowers that were mean to Alice. The mugs instead of a tea set. The cards that were, in fact, a decoration and not an accident.

You laugh and walk to him, circling your arms around his middle in a hug. "I love it."

"This isn't it."

"It's not?"

"Nope," he grins. He must be playing the role of the Cheshire Cat. He takes you by the shoulders and points out the things you missed; like the loaf of bread you brought, as instructed, which he's taped construction paper wings to. "Bread and butterflies!" The yellow balloon tied to the lamp? "The sun is like a toy balloon." He's put googly eyes on the broom, and the other lamp, and several things in the kitchen, for good measure. He opens a Tupperware container full of cupcakes, which say things like "Eat Me" and "Happy B-Day" in brightly colored icing. ("Your mom helped," he informs you.)

When he's shown you all of his brilliant, creative ideas that you will never, ever be able to top, you turn to him in awe.

"Eddie, this is fucking incredible."

"Still not it."

"Seriously?! How is this not it?!"

Eddie reaches for his favorite stash box, which is hidden among the mugs on the coffee table. He gets down on one knee and takes a deep breath. Oh god, oh god, oh god.

"My Evilest Woman. Love of my life. My one and only." He slowly opens the lid, and you try to remember how to breathe.

"Will you ingest these illegal substances with me and watch Alice in Wonderland?" He shows you the contents of his stash box, and you burst out laughing.

"Is that a yes?"

"Absolutely, it is."

He snaps the box closed, stands up, and grins his Cheshire Cat grin again. You step closer and wrap your arms around his neck, dragging him down for a long kiss.

"Wait," you say, pulling back to look up at him in confusion. "What were the other things for? Flashlight? Paperclip?"

"Nothing," he laughs. "Just trying to keep you guessing."

"Well played, Munson," you admire, coming in for another kiss.

"Alright, you can jump my bones later, you horndog," he smirks, pulling away. "Let's get fucked up and go to Wonderland. It's already in the VCR."

"You are officially my favorite person in the entire fucking world."

"Tell me somethin' I don't know." God, you love him.

[ladamedusoif]

Secrets (Marcus Pike x GN!Reader)

A Merry Fic-Mas - December 24

Part of A Merry Fic-Mas: A Pedro Boy Holiday Fic Calendar - click for masterlist.

Follow my writing blog @ladameecrit and turn on notifications to keep up with my writing.

Pairing: Marcus Pike x GN!Reader 

Word count: 1743

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Angst; fluff; references to parental illness; no use of Y/N; no physical descriptions of reader; no gendered pronouns; minor swearing

A/N: This can be read as a standalone, but I wrote it thinking of Marcus and Reader from ‘Hot Chocolate’ and ‘Christmas Market’ in this series.

“How’s Marcus?” Your mother’s voice is bright and breezy on the call.

You pause a little too long for her liking. 

“Is everything okay?”

“It’s fine, mom, it’s just…he’s not himself, lately. I thought we were all set for the holidays - you know how we booked a little cabin in the Blue Ridge Mountains - but every time I try to talk about packing or planning, he gets tetchy and weird.”

“Maybe it’s work stress? He does have a lot on. Poor Marcus.”

“So do I, mom, and I’m not taking it out on him. Every time I ask him outright he just says everything’s fine but it isn’t. It’s like he’s hiding something from me.”

Your mother tut-tuts. “That’s not Marcus. He would never keep secrets from you.”

“I wish I could be as confident as you are.”

***

With Christmas falling on a Monday, you and Marcus had planned to take off on the Saturday morning, making the most of the extra days off before the holiday. By Friday night, he’s got the bags ready to load into the car and your refrigerator is groaning with food for the vacation, all ready to be stacked in cool bags for the journey.

Things hadn’t improved much in the time since you’d voiced your fears to your mother. Marcus remained unusually tetchy and irritable, a far cry from his usual sunny self. He insisted he was looking forward to the time away with you, but there was just something off. Something hidden underneath the surface, and for the first time in your relationship he had put up enough defences so that you couldn’t reveal the truth. 

Maybe he’s unhappy, you think to yourself. Maybe the vacation is make or break.

Your stomach churns as you imagine five days away with Marcus while he tries to decide if you need to end the relationship or not. 

Your phone rings as you’re sorting out a couple of bottles of wine for the trip. Mom. You brush it off, muttering to yourself that you’ll call her later, once the packing is done. 

It’s barely two minutes later that Marcus comes into the kitchen, talking on his phone while trying to catch your attention. 

“I’ll put you on now…sure. Sure. Well, I’m sure he’ll be okay, I’m so sorry - okay, keep us posted.”

He hands you the phone, mouthing “Your mom”.

“Mom?”

“Oh, darling, I’m sorry… you’re probably up to your neck with packing and sorting for the trip.”

“Just tell me, mom. You wouldn’t call Marcus if it wasn’t urgent.”

“Darling…it’s your dad. He’s had a fall, he’s in hospital, and -”

Your heart drops. “Mom, is he okay?”

She pauses a second too long. “Fine, fine… just hasn’t regained consciousness yet but it’s fine! I just felt you would be angry if I waited until after your trip to tell you. But it’s fine!”

“Mom, you’ve said ‘it’s fine’ so many times I’m pretty sure it isn’t fine.”

“Sweetheart, please just go on your trip and we’ll keep you posted. Okay?”

You become aware of Marcus peeking around the corner, trying to assess your mood from the tone of your voice and your body language. 

“Did the doctors say when they think he’ll regain consciousness?”

Another pause.

“They’re not sure, sweetie.”

You look up at Marcus, your eyes looking into his as you tell your mom you’ll be home tomorrow.

***

He swears it’s fine, but you know Marcus is annoyed. Or hurt. Or maybe a mix of both. 

Shit, maybe this really was a make or break vacation.

He had offered to come with you, but you dissuaded him, not wanting him to have to be thrown head-first into the madness that was your family - crisis or no crisis. 

“I’ll just stay here, I guess.” He casts an eye over the bags in the hallway. 

“Babe, no.” You wrap your arms around his waist. “We paid for the cabin and it’s too late to cancel now. It would be a pity not to use it at all. You’ve got that stack of reading you want to do. And, like, when dad wakes up I can come down and join you. What do you think?”

He doesn’t quite meet your gaze. “I guess.”

“I love you, Marcus. I’m so sorry.”

He sucks on the inside of his cheek and kisses you - not on the mouth, but on the cheek. “I love you, too.”

***

When you arrive home in Ohio you hop straight in a cab to the hospital, where your mother and siblings have spent the night keeping vigil. You try not to panic when you see your dad, hooked up to a morass of tubes and wires. 

“The doctors say it looks worse than it is,” your older sister explained. She holds out a bag of peppermint candies. “Candy?”

It’s several hours before you realise you haven’t let Marcus know you got there safely, like you promised. Too busy trying to get a clear answer from your mom about what, exactly, the doctors have said, and distracted by trying to track down a doctor to discuss a prognosis. 

Hey babe - I’m sorry, I have been talking to my mom and the doctors here. Dad okay, still no sign of improvement but stable. Love you - call you tomorrow.

You spend that night at the hospital, insisting that your mom go home and rest. You watch the dark sky brighten, slowly but surely, as Christmas Eve dawns. 

“It’s Christmas Eve, dad,” you murmur, unsure if he can hear you or not. “You’re not in the drunk tank, though,” you joke, referring to his favourite Christmas song, ‘Fairytale of New York’. “Just in hospital. I’ll let you know if the NYPD choir turns up.”

You get up and stretch your legs, wandering into the hallway in search of caffeine and sugar. The hospital cafe is quiet and you grab a cup of black coffee and a donut before returning to your dad’s floor. 

Panic sets in when you see nurses moving in and out of his room. One of them turns, spots you, and grins. 

“He’s waking up! Can you call your mom?”

By lunchtime, he’s fully awake and talking, grumbling about not being allowed home for Christmas. You duck out later in the afternoon to call Marcus and update him.

It goes straight to voicemail.

***

The hot shower feels like heaven as you rinse away the strain of the last couple of days. Well, some of it, anyway. Marcus still hasn’t answered your calls.

Thankfully, you’ve found a distraction, volunteering to prep some food at your parents’ house that can be easily taken to the hospital for Christmas Day. You slip on a pair of soft old sweatpants and a college hoodie and pad around the kitchen, filling some Tupperware containers with individual servings of cold cuts and salads while listening to the cheesy Christmas show on the local radio station.

You crawl into bed late that night, casting one final glance at your phone. 

Still nothing.

***

You stir awake at about two in the morning, roused by a thumping noise coming from somewhere in the house. As your brain adjusts, you realise it’s someone knocking on the door. 

You grab your brother’s old baseball bat as you descend the stairs. Can’t hurt to be prepared, after all. And you’re pretty sure this isn’t Santa Claus calling.

You open the door slowly, reluctantly. 

A pair of coffee-brown eyes. A soft, uncertain smile. Cheeks flushed with cold. 

“Marcus?”

He rubs his hands together and stamps his feet. “Can I come in? Got really cold in the car on the way up here.”

You fling your arms around him as he steps inside, forgetting the strangeness of the last few weeks. “What the hell are you doing here?”

He holds his soft, dark green knitted cap in his hands and looks nervous. Really nervous.

“I… I had to see you.”

Oh, shit. Wait - is he going to break up with you on Christmas morning? While your dad’s in hospital?!

“Ooookay.”

“Baby, I -” He falters. “This isn’t how I wanted to do this.”

He is definitely about to break up with you. And good riddance, because he’s clearly heartless.

“Just get it over and done with, Marcus.”

He takes a deep breath and exhales, long and slow.

“I wanted to have the space to do this at the cabin, y’know?”

“Marcus. Just say it.”

“Baby, I’m so grateful for you - you’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met, so kind, so loving, and -”

You’ve had it. “Marcus - just say you don’t want to be with me. You’ve been weird for weeks. You’re here on Christmas fucking Day, having driven a seven-hour journey to get here. You obviously can’t be with me a minute longer, so you might as well just -”

He has dropped to one knee.

Wait. What?

“I wanted to ask you to marry me.”

Your jaw drops. For once, you’re stunned into silence.

“Baby?”

“I…Marcus. I just…is this…fuck.”

He reaches into his coat pocket and presents you with a little box. “Um, do you mind if I stand up again? My knees aren’t what they used to be.”

You chuckle and help him to his feet, before opening the box to find a perfect, simple engagement ring. 

“I can’t believe it, Marcus.”

He shrugs. “You seemed sure we were about to break up. I’m sorry I’ve been so stressed the last few weeks, my love. I was just readying everything for a perfect proposal, in the mountains, and I was so worried you’d say no, and then the ring was delayed, and then - well. And then your dad got sick. But he’s awake? I’m sorry, I only just saw your messages. My phone was in the trunk.”

You lift your gaze from the ring. “He’s awake. And I’m sorry, too - I didn’t know what you were keeping from me, and I didn’t even think of this.”

Marcus raises an eyebrow. “You didn’t think I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you?”

You chuckle. “Mmmm. Maybe I thought a man as perfect as you couldn’t possibly want someone like me.”

He pulls you tight to him and kisses you. “Baby, you forgot something.”

You look confused. “I did?”

“You didn’t give me an answer yet.”

Tears shining in your eyes, you slip the ring on your finger. “A million times yes, Marcus Pike. Provided there are no more secrets.”

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone! Sorry this post is a little late, today was pretty action-packed and regrettably, I am still using my phone. Needless to say, it's a huge pain in the ass.

But at least I have a lot of pictures to show off!

I've been sick for most of the week, which is a shame, but despite that, I've still managed to fit lots of activities in my days here in Seattle.

And having my friends there has really helped me deal with it much better. Also, they help me with my pictures. Two of them were involved in this one!

This store asked me to tag them, but they don't have a Tumblr. Sorry Purple Store!

I'm very thankful for the patience of others. I think it's very obvious I haven't interacted with others so personally in a very long time and it shows.

My worst fears haven't been realized at the very least.

Anyway, we've had a ton of fun going to different museums all over the city. We went to a glass art museum for example, and all of these pieces are insanely cool!

I also had some really good food that was outside of my painfully limited comfort zone. It still needs to be expanded even further, but I've done a good job narrowing down what I do and do not actually like on this trip at least.

I also loved the Seattle Art Museum. I could have sprnt all day looking at every nook and cranny inside of the place. The day we went was coincidentally a free one, too!

And I actually received some help from strangers too. The idea for that last pic came from an older woman who saw me taking a picture of that painting from much further away.

I thanked her for the amazing idea!

I think the highlight was absolutely the Hokusai exhibit though. I had a blast in there looking at so many of his prints and at the art that was inspired by him.

Merry and Renko got to see some of the Thirty-six Views of Mt Fuji too!

Being sick sucks and I was overwhelmed earlier in the week, but I still managed to have a great time.

I have to go back home in a few days, I'll miss everyone very much...I'll just have to make the most of the time I have left.

I love you all, have a good day/night!

[mystic-poison]

✞SELFSHIPTOBER✞

Day 5: All dressed up

~✞~ ~✞~ ~✞~ ~✞~

Characters: Benimaru and Poison (me)

Relationship: Dating

~✞~ ~✞~ ~✞~ ~✞~

Benimaru loved Poison. That something no one could deny. He just had an odd way of showing it. Sometimes, he would stare at them with a blank expression, just admiring how nice they looked. Which would make Poison go into a panic because they think they've done something wrong. Or he would hide all their cans of Monster, being highly aware of what was in those things and wanting Poison to be healthy. This would just lead to Poison buying more, finding the hidden stash later, and the cycle repeats itself.

But his favorite way to show Poison how much he loves them is by randomly showing up to their job. He could be bringing them lunch, coming to pick them up at the end of the day, or just to say hi because he was bored and missed their presence. This would usually lead to their co-workers freaking out because they would never expect someone like Poison be with someone like Benimaru.

So this visit was no different than the others.

Benimaru knew Poison had a long week at work. Schools were having field trips again, and their job was training them for the holidays again. The time just seemed to drag as the days went on. Days started to blur, and with night events added to the mix, sometimes there was no point in going to bed when you had to wake up 4 hours later. It just made Poison even more tired than they were. So their caffeine intact has gotten worse, and Benimaru knew it would get even worse if they didn't take a break.

So he had booked a small hotel for them for the weekend. It was one of the rare occasions that Poison had an entire weekend off; Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. And he wanted to make the best of it. Even if that meant Poison was going to just sleep til noon all three of those days. It would be worth the money.

He packed a suitcase for both of them of they and headed to Poison's job to pick them up. He even dressed for the occasion, stopping by a shop to get them flowers, their favorite snacks, and their favorite wine. He stuffed them in a little gift bag went straight to Poison's job.

He got there about an hour before they closed. He never understood why the place still let people in an hour before they closed. It was a huge waste of money, in his opinion. Most of the special exhibits would be sold out or closed to start the cleaning routine. This means the employees have to deal with angry guests who are upset about the special exhibits being closed because it's an hour before the place closes. He feels bad for the guest, but he also remembers there's still so much to see and do than the special exhibits. He has come there an hour before it closed and enjoyed his time without stepping foot in the special exhibits. Maybe it's because he's old and enjoys the simpler things.

"Hello sir!"

Benimaru sighed as he walked up the the ticket counter, a woman standing there with a smile. "Hi.."

"Are you here to buy a ticket? Just a warning we do close in less than an hour" the woman said.

"My partner works here"

"Oh great! Do they have you in the system for your free ticket?"

"Yes. They're name is Poison"

"Oh good, Poison-." The woman paused before looking up from her screen and back at Benimaru. She stared at him for a while, looking him up and down. "You said... Poison right?"

"Yes. Poison. I don't really need a ticket, I can came by to pick them up and give them this" Benimaru held up the flowers and gift bag.

"Ooh, I see. And you said they were your partner?"

"Yes, I did."

The two stared at each other for a while. Benimaru could tell they have never meet him before, unlike some of Poison's other co-workers. He could tell they were not only judging him, but also wondering who in the universe put them together.

The silence was broken when the ticket was printed. "Have a good day, sir. Poison should be at the kids area today."

"Thank you" Benimaru took the ticket and walked off. He sighed and tucked the ticket away in his pocket. He took the elevator up one level and headed to where Poison was.

It was way more crowded than he thought it was. It sound so quiet downstairs. There were people everywhere he turned. Even the coffee shop had a line outside of it, and they would of been closed by now. He would sense that Poison was not in a good mood today.

Meanwhile, Poison was standing out their post inside of the kids' play zone. Their ears were ringing from the screaming and ringing out bells and whistles. But they were used by it by now. It slowly became white noise to them. They've been posted at the kids play zone so many times since they started working there, they can keep a straight face even through the meanest of Karen's.

"Podium to Poison. Repeat, Podium to Poison"

Poison sighed, hearing the walkie talkie in their pocket call out for them. "Go for Poison"

"How are you doing in there? Still alive?" Their co-worker asked.

"No. I had to stop multiple children from eating the puzzle pieces."

"So normal stuff."

"Yes. What is it?"

"I just wanted to tell you that your man is walking around here like a lost duck"

Poison raised a brow. "What? Benimaru is here?"

"Yeah. I'm guessing he's looking for you. He looks nice too. He's wearing a blazer sweetie"

Poison raised a brow more. That couldn't be true. They have never seen Benimaru dress up in the 3 years of them dating. They put the walkie talkie away and walked out the the kids play zone.

"Where is he?" Poison asked.

Their co-worker chuckled and pointed down the hall. Benimaru was there, looking at the map on the wall. They're eye widened a bit at his outfit. He wore a black undershirt with a black blazer, black dress pants and even black dress shoes. It was simple but it was the most dressed up they have seen seen him. Poison would be lying if they said they didn't like it.

"You're blushing" Their co-worker smirked.

"Shut up!" Poison fixed their uniform jacket. "Cover me"

"Already on it!"

Poison sighed and walked over to Benimaru. They crossed their arms and smirked as they got closer, admiring how good he looked.

"So, what's the special occasion? Or did you run out of clean clothes and these were your only option?" They teased.

Benimaru rolled his eyes and but smirked as he turned to face his sleep deprived gremlin. "And you smell like bleach."

"I rather it be bleach than anything else going in that place" Poison shrugged.

"Rough day?"

"Very. I had a kid flush a puzzle piece down the toilet."

"Oh so you had the honor of being inside of the play area today." Benimaru joked.

"It was gross, yes. But what brings you here today?" Poison asked.

Benimaru showed them to gift bag and flowers, handing it over to them. "I guess came by yo visit you. You never answered my good morning text so I figured you were having a rough day."

"Awww, thank you. You're so sweet Beni." Poison smiled at him.

A slight flush dusted his cheeks as she averted his eyes away. It made them chuckled before looking inside the bag. They smiled more, seeing all their favorite snacks and wine inside of the bag.

"Look inside the bouquet"

Poison placed the bag on the floor and looked into the bouquet like Benimaru said. They raised a brow and took out an envelope. They tore it open, their smile brightening at the hotel passes.

"Really?!"

"I knew you had the weekend off, so I thought you needed a break from work. How does the weekend at a nice hotel resort sound?" He asked.

Poison bounced in their toes and nodded, jumping into his arms to give him a hug. "It sounds great! Thank you!"

Benimaru froze for a second. Not only from his nose getting a smack with the smell of bleach, but also from the hug in general. He wasn't the type of show affection in public, but seeing how happy Poison looked, he relaxed and hugged them back.

"You're welcome..."

"Awww, that's sweet. The break room is so going to hear about this" Poison's co-worker spoke up, ruining the moment.

"Aren't you worried?" Benimaru asked Poison.

"Nope. I'll just bury her in the ball pit later" Poison answered, burying their face into his shirt.

Benimaru rolled his eyes again but chuckled. He patted their head. Just another reason to love his sleep deprived gremlin.

~✞~ ~✞~ ~✞~ ~✞~

Selfshiptober promotes creator

Day 5 is done. I almost forgot about this tired old man, so I wrote about him. I think there's going to be a theme here with tired middle-aged men popping up on this challenge

- Poison ✞

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Well, it's been a whirlwind few days! Thursday I went on the weekly phenology walk at Audubon Trails Nature Center in Rolla, MO. It's the last one of the year, and we were seeing if there were still any wildflowers in bloom in spite of the freeze a few nights before. We did find a scant few Asteraceae with open flowers, but for the most part everything was done for the year. It was a really good experience getting to wander the trails with someone who knows the local flora really well; I'm still playing catch-up on learning (and remembering) native prairie plants in this area, and since they happen every Thursday morning during the growing season, I'm going to make sure and attend whenever I'm in town.

Thursday afternoon I officially taught my first in-person class in Rolla with my basic mushroom foraging intro at the Rolla Public Library. I checked out SO MANY BOOKS from that library as a kid, and so it was basically coming full circle to be able to teach there. I had an awesome audience that packed the room, got some great questions, and really appreciated the support that library staff gave me throughout the entire process. I'm already brainstorming what I want to teach when I head back to this area next spring.

Friday I got to spend immersed in planty goodness at the Missouri Botanical Symposium. I had actually registered last year but ended up not feeling good at the last moment so I had to miss out. Totally worth the entire trip this year, though! There were some really great talks (I especially enjoyed the one on the interplay of geology and plant life in Missouri karst fens), and I even made some good connections and new friends! I am SUCH an introvert that it can be tough for me to go around introducing myself in a room where I don't know anyone, but luckily a friendly extrovert latched onto me and helped me meet some really cool people. (Also, pro tip: having art supplies out and in use makes for a great conversation starter, and if you bring enough for others to use you can have a little science illustration party at your table!)

Saturday I peeled myself out of bed early yet again for a very good reason--I got to lead a lichen hike at Audubon Trails! It sort of felt like cramming for a test because while the basic biology of lichens is the same everywhere, I'm not as familiar with local species here as I am back home in the PNW. So I visited the site a few times on this visit to look for cool lichens and try to get them down to at least a genus level, if not species. Again, really great turnout for the hike--people were having a great time, lots of excellent questions and discoveries along the way. And there were two kids from the Rolla Outdoor Collaborative School on site who were not only THE best guides to the trails there, but they found and showed off some cool stuff (including lichens, AND fuzzy oak galls!) The next generation of naturalists is already well on their way to helping others connect with the great outdoors, which does my heart good.

I gotta start driving back west tomorrow; I have classes in Portland next weekend. So today is being lazy, doing laundry, and helping my folks with a few more things around the house. It's been another great visit here, though, and I'm already making plans for next year. I'm going to try to schedule a couple of classes along the way for my spring trip; since I'll likely be taking I-70 since 80 is sketchy even in April, I'm probably looking at Salt Lake City and Denver for venues. I'm open to suggestions if anyone knows of a bookstore, library, nature center, or similar who might like to host a wandering naturalist infodumping about ecology for a couple of hours!

[theoddcatlady]

Crimson Wings

My husband Shaun and I love… well, loved, camping. We would go all year around, snow and rain was no object. We didn’t have kids and our trips didn’t have to be long, we’d pack up on Friday and be back on Sunday night when we couldn’t get any time off.

Last July we’d managed to scrounge up enough PTO for a whole week trip. We were heading down to Tennessee and it was going to be one of our best trips yet.

Our campsite was right smack dab in between two others. The family on our right were the Schultz family. They were the new to the whole camping thing, I had to end up going there to help the guy out with his fire. Greg was grateful though and he could grill with the best of them. His wife Anna was mostly fussed with taking care of their four year old daughter Genesis, but their son Ace was a treasure. He kept coming over to our campsite to tell us stories about giant bears that they’d seen while driving here. Shaun took to him and would swap even more ridiculous tales with the creative six year old.

On our other side was a group of young men out for one last trip before one of them got married. I only really talked with two of them, Brian and Phil, the husband to be and his best friend. They were a bit rowdy but they kept it to the daylight hours and they weren’t being gross so for the most part we ignored them.

There was one trouble maker though- fucking Gavin. Gavin is to blame for all of this. He was the one who kicked the hornet’s nest… literally.

The Schultzes had joined us for dinner on the third day, we’d gone fishing with Greg and Shaun had the kids captivated with a big fish tale when I heard a giant hullabaloo coming from the guy’s camp.

“The heck?” I murmured as I got to my feet, craning my neck to get a better look. I could only see that the guys were wigging out over there.

Shaun waved them off. “Ignore the kids, they probably saw a squirrel or something,” He said.

I frowned. That didn’t sound like excitement, it sounded like… anger. “I’ll be right back, if they’re pissy drunks then I’m gonna say we’re moving our campsite tonight,” I said, stepping over the log I’d used as a seat and walked on over.

One of the guys was giggling like a maniac and I could smell weed on him. The guys were all gathered around something on the ground and Phil was scowling. “Gavin, kick that shit back into the woods!” He said.

Gavin giggled again. “But dude! It’s sooooo big man! Greg’s really gotta see this!”

“He can’t see it you fucking idiot! He’s allergic!”

“Doesn’t he have an Epipen?”

“Oh my god I want to kill you.”

I got closer and finally got a glimpse of what they were freaking out about. It was a massive hornet’s nest, probably a bit bigger that a soccer ball, sitting at the guys’ feet. I could faintly hear the buzzing inside. “Guys, can you please get rid of that thing? You’re lucky none of you have been stung yet,” I scolded.

Phil looked up and threw his arms up in the air. “I’m trying, believe me,” He said through gritted teeth, “but Gavin is an idiot.”

“Awwww, but look at it!” Gavin gestured at it. “It’s soooo cool! The bees are cool too man, one was like, crawling all over my hand and didn’t sting me or nothing! Greg would be fine!”

Phil looked ready to sock Gavin in the mouth before I stepped forward. “Knock it off, I’ll get rid of it.” Wondering if the nest was just konked out from all the smoke from our campfires, I knelt next to the nest and gently lifted it in the air.

A cherry red hornet crawled out of one of the holes. My skin crawled as it gently brushed against my hand, I was lucky I didn’t drop the damn thing. It didn’t seemed particularly offended as I carried it past the treeline and carefully sat it down. I know, that was the stupidest thing I could’ve done, but I thought the nest was either mostly empty or this was a bizarre species of hornet that was really hard to piss off.

I headed back to camp and told them all about it. Ace immediately demanded to see it, his mom shot that idea down and then Greg said dinner was ready, and the easiest way to distract a kid is with food. By the time we’d finished dinner, Ace had all but forgot about the nest. So had I, until I heard shouting again.

This time I could pick out about every third word. I could tell it was Phil, losing his shit on Gavin for bringing the nest back into camp. Gavin kept whining and said the nest was friendly and that the hornets could be their pets. I looked over in time to see Phil shove Gavin and for Gavin to drop the nest.

I heard that thing crack when it hit the ground.

I smelled something like sulfur and suddenly that quiet buzzing I’d heard earlier was magnified a hundred fold. It was deafening, I could almost taste the sound. Ace and Genesis immediately started screaming, clapping their hands over their sensitive little ears as the rest of us instinctively ducked. As if that could protect us from what was about to happen.

The sky turned red with the bodies of thousands of red hornets. Far more than what could possible fit in the nest. Then they dive bombed. I felt one light on my arm before its stinger jabbed in. I screamed and crushed it with a single swat, but the damage had been done. My arm seized up and exploded in pain. I had broken my arm before. This was so, so much fucking worse.

With the last semblance of sense I had, I dragged myself to the tent and hurled myself inside. Shaun ran up, I saw hornets crawling in and out of his shirt as he dragged Ace along. He pushed Ace into the tent before running back to where Anna was crouched, she’d thrown herself over Genesis to shield her from the stinging.

Ace was wailing, rocking himself back and forth as I held the tent flap up to prevent any wasps from getting in. I felt my arm randomly spasm, and whenever it did I felt another wave of pain hit me. I couldn’t ask Ace if he was okay, if he’d been stung, the only thing I could do was scream at the top of my lungs.

The tent door was shoved back open and Genesis was tossed into the tent. Before I could move, Shaun collapsed on top of me and began to bawl like a baby. I managed to crawl out from under him and zipped the tent door shut.

After that, I let myself fully succumbed to the pain.

I don’t know how long it went on. There’s no way to fully describe how bad this was. Time didn’t make it any better. If anything it got so much fucking worse. I could sometimes hear Anna screaming but those stopped before it was dark outside. The buzzing never stopped. It seemed like it would never stop.

I vomited on myself sometime during the night. I swear I saw things from how bad the pain was. Dark figures moving past the tent, walking trees, the tent catching on fire and burning poor Genesis alive… then I’d blink and the fire would be gone. Genesis would still be crying and there was nothing outside the tent but the goddamn hornets.

Passing out was a mercy. When I woke up, the buzzing had quieted down to almost nothing. The two children were asleep on each other, snoring quietly.

Shaun’s lifeless eyes stared up at the ceiling of the tent, several swollen purple and red bumps covering his entire body to the point he was barely recognizable. I think he’d been stung a few dozen times saving Genesis and Ace. And he’d paid with it with his life.

I tried to shake him awake, I begged him to wake up with my voice hoarse from all the screaming, but he didn’t. He was gone.

I slipped out of the tent and nearly tripped over Greg’s body. He’d tried making it into our tent, his sting covered hand was still reaching for the zipper. Anna was at the forest’s edge, slumped over a tree stump.

I almost wished Gavin was still alive so I could wring his fucking neck, but he was a few yards away from where I found Anna. The bachelor party laid in various positions on the ground, all covered in uncountable stings.

But I wasn’t alone.

I tripped over Phil and a few others, seeing if any of them had survived when I saw her.

For a second, she looked… normal. A red haired teenager, no older than fourteen or fifteen, wearing a teal t-shirt and cargo shorts. I nearly sobbed as I hurried to her, babbling out nonsense about the hornets.

Then I saw she had a few dozen of them sitting on her shoulders.

I came to a stop as the girl cocked her head to the side.

“… You didn’t mean to hurt them. But they didn’t know that,” She said softly, blinking and dark brown eyes turning into black compound. Translucent crimson wings protruded from her back, occasionally twitching.

I couldn’t believe my eyes as she came closer, I saw even more hornets crawling on her skin, flying in and out from her pockets and shirt. She knelt by my side and her soft fingers brushed the swollen sting on my arm. Without a word, she squeezed it and it popped. I screamed and nearly passed out again before it all went numb.

A brand new hornet crawled out from the popped wound, cleaning off its antenna and wings of blood. The girl smiled and took it into her hands, placing it in her mouth.

“Many of my family died today, but yours will provide replacements.” She winked, as if she was sharing a joke, and whistled a tune as she walked away.

Every body burst at that moment. The air was filled with a soft hum as hornets rose from the corpses, following the winged girl into the forest, where they all vanished.

No, I was never given an explanation when I was taken to the hospital. They didn’t bother. No one had a clue what happened out there. From what I heard, Ace and Genesis have both gone completely deaf. I don’t know if it’s a psychological thing or a physical one, but there’s hope with hearing aids and therapy they can recover.

I can’t move my right arm anymore. I’m still in therapy but it’s looking like I’ll never be able to use it again. I ended up quitting my job, I get by on disability. I can never sleep because my dreams are just of buzzing and screams. Occasionally I’ll feel stabs of pain in my dead arm when I wake up from these nightmares.

And sometimes when I wake up, I think I see that winged girl standing at the foot of my bed, smiling with scarlet hornets crawling over her teeth.

[charles-and-camilla-fanfictions]

All the Time in the World - Chapter 9

Birkhall, March 2020

By the time the knock on the door comes, I’ve cried myself dry of any tears. I feel empty. Dragging my body from the immobile statue it has become, I open the door to collect the tray. It’s piled high with letters and tea and biscuits, but at the top is a cutting of the softest lilac auriculas and I start crying all over again. How did he manage to source these from his room? I turn on my ipad and call him.

“Do you like them?”

“Of course.” I don’t know how I have tears left to cry but they stream from my eyes.

“I will need you to talk to me.” He’s crying now and it makes my tears worse. “I need you to make sure they put the iPad next to me so I can hear you. And you need to talk to me, I don’t care what about, because I’ll be so scared.”

I know I’ve lost this argument. I nod and I see him breathe a sigh of relief.

“Do you promise me?”

“I promise you.”

“I’d do anything to wrap you in my arms right now.”

“Just get better.” Oh God, what if he has a sudden turn for the worse and the last thing we did was have this awful argument?

“I’m trying.”

“Try harder.” I want to take his hand in mine and squeeze it. I want to look into those pale blue eyes of his and push my nose against his.

“Concentrate on staying well.”

“I am.”

“Concentrate harder.”

I’ve never felt so alone.

1980, Rhodesia

Our hands are locked together and our legs are so entwined we might as well be one person. He’s talking to me but I’m too tired and too lost in his eyes to really concentrate on what he’s saying. Everything about him feels good and my body aches in such a wonderful way as I wriggle slightly to get closer to him. Pressing my nose against his, I’m about to kiss him when I hear the word ‘Rhodesia’ and it dawns on me what he is talking about. It makes me draw away from him in surprise. “Why the fuck are you visiting my husband?”

“Because I’m representing Her Majesty. Why are you not with your husband? Most military wives follow them about.”

“I’m not a dog. Anyway, I’m far too busy servicing you.”

“Well come and ‘service’ me in Rhodesia, then.”

“What, fly out with you?”

“Yes.”

“Fly out with you, to Rhodesia, to visit my husband?”

“Why not?”

“Don’t you have a girlfriend at the moment?��

“Which one?”

“You know which one.”

“The brunette who is very sexy but argues with me about sleeping with you?”

“Exactly.”

“Do you like her?”

“No. Loath her.”

“Then no.”

“I really am becoming more and more like my Great Grandmama.”

“Do it. Do it for me. I can’t bear to be away from you for so long. A trip abroad is like an eternity without you.”

“It will cause an absolute panic. They won’t know where to sit me.”

“They will sit you next to me, if they have any sense.”

“Whilst my husband is there?”

“You can’t possibly be feeling guilty?”

“No… Of course not. If his philandering hasn’t caused a diplomatic crisis this time, he’s done well. Oh, what the hell, yes… Yes…”

“We leave tomorrow, my darling Girl Friday.”

I give him a look before panic takes over. “Oh, God, I’ve got to pack…”

“No…” He grabs hold of my waist and pulls me back to him, trapping me underneath him. “I order you to stay and ‘service’ me, Hildy.”

“You ‘order’ me?”

 “Yes. Service me now. Service me when we’re on the plane tomorrow. Service me all through our trip. Each night. All night.”

“I need to warn Andrew I’m coming.”

“My staff will. Don’t go back to Walter. I’ll let them know you’re coming, let me ring them now. I’ll send someone to help you pack tomorrow morning.”

It’s so absurd, it’s hilarious. I’m like the Cheshire Cat the entire day, waiting for the car to arrive, grinning all the way to the RAF base, onto the plane, into his arms. We’re not discreet as we jump up and into his room the second my nerves stabilise from the shock of takeoff. And it’s so exciting and so ridiculous, I hear laughter peeling from my mouth, making him grin, making him look at me with such a satisfied look in his eyes. We don’t stop laughing through every break of his engagements and I see how happy he looks from the side of each room we enter, meeting and greeting people confidently, with ease. Andrew is more amused with the situation than I’d dared hoped he’d be, and the three of us cackle through dinner, trying not to fall about in laughter at the shocked looks on people’s faces. And then Charles takes my hand and leads me to his room as if this is normal. But it’s not normal. 

There are billowing drapes of netting by the doors, deterring the mosquitos, but the breeze that wafts through is still hot, and it’s so humid, my skin feels damp. The room, appropriately, is fit out in the darkest wood and silks and the marble flooring is cool on my feet as I kick off my heels to stand with him. Plumes of netting hang over the bed, obscuring it as we walk around it, looking for the entrance and then we rush to pull off each other’s clothing, in between burning kisses, until we’re completely naked and we push through the netting, into the bed. I have time to stretch my hands on the soft white sheets as he closes up the net and then there’s just the feel of his skin against mine and it’s so hot we slide against each other.

It’s impossibly romantic. Lit solely by the iridescent light of the moon, we make love to each other over and again until we’re both so exhausted, we can barely move but there’s no thought about sleep. We have too much to talk about and too little time together to say everything. He’s lying with his head between my thighs and he’s nibbling on the inside of my knee, making me giggle as we furiously recount the day, too hot to lie together, both of us sticky but neither of us bothered. The fan doesn’t seem to be doing anything to help us. But as the night rolls on, and the dark provides some relief from the stifling heat, we end up entangled and this time, as we make love to each other we can’t help but whisper to each other and his words of love seep into my skin and I have to kiss him to stop me saying them back to him. A kiss which floods through my body as though we’re kissing for the first time, making every movement almost exquisitely unbearable until I can’t do anything but let him take all control, until I’m biting down on his neck to hold in these moans which seem to spill from my mouth with no restraint. And afterwards we don’t speak, for the first time, we just press against each other, caressing each other, kissing each other until sleep takes us and then we wake in the morning, entwined, fingers clasped, nose-to-nose, lips anticipating the sensation of touching again. I hear him groan as his hand grasps up my body and we’re instantly returned to where we were the night before as my skin aches for him and the only thing I can do is pull him closer and we’re pushing together before we’re even fully conscious.

I can’t stay away from him and I don’t want to. All day he’s reached for me, pulled me out into a corridor just to push me against a wall and kiss me, making me gasp before returning to where we’re meant to be. His hands grasping onto me when we sit in a car, kissing furiously when we have a second alone, the need for each other relentless. I find myself staring at him from the side of the room, when I’m allowed in, listening with bated breath to his speech, willing it to go well and then experiencing such an unexpected surge of pride and relief when it does. He looks over at me with anxious, questioning eyes and I can’t help smiling at him, trying to convey with my eyes how well I think he’s done. I want to rush to him and kiss him. Instead, I see him nod at me, relieved as he vacates the stand and circulates to network in the room.

“You treat him like you’re his mother.”

I roll my eyes at my husband and take his arm to navigate the room. “You look very smart.”

“Don’t flatter me to change the subject. I know you far too well, Milla. Your feminine charms don’t work on me. I’m immune.”

“I’m not sure whether that’s meant to be taken as an insult or if you were meaning it positively. I’m going to take it as the latter.”

That makes him laugh but he doesn’t drop the subject. “You always did say he was immature.”

“Evidently it’s a trait I find attractive in men.”

“He treats you like a surrogate mother, and you get a kick out of that?”

“I’m not restricted to that particular branch of immaturity. It comes in many shapes and sizes.”

“That’s why I had to marry someone so much younger than me.”

“You think our age gap evens out the maturity levels?”

“It’s why we’re well suited. We’re on the same page, the same level.”

“Wishful thinking there. I think men require many, many more years.”

“Some more than others. He was diabolical to be with until you entered the room.”

“I’m a calming influence.”

“I don’t know how you put up with it. Maybe you like the attention?”

“I do like the attention.”

“I couldn’t cope with the constant pawing.”

“Not sure he’s really into men. It’s not something you need to worry about.”

“Now that would be scandalous! I’d almost give it a go for the fun of it.”

“Hands off. He’s mine. Anyway, I thought you were otherwise occupied?”

“You’re being uncharacteristically possessive.”

“It’s motherly concern”

“He isn’t actually yours.”

“I’m aware.”

“Just checking. Wouldn’t like a constitutional crisis on our hands…”

It’s such a relief to return to our room for the second night. Such a relief for the end of the sudden curtailing and the half-hearted attempt at discretion. As I pull him as close to me as is physically possible, I get a surge of panic through me. Panic at the intensity of everything. Every kiss. Each conversation we have. The reaction throughout my body from any slight touch to the feeling of him inside me. Panic as I breathe him in and realise I’m inhaling him because I need to. A fear so strong, it takes hold of me as I’m lying, staring into those soft eyes when he tells me how much he loves me. I have to swallow my response, press my thumbs into his face and kiss him.

“You’re shivering.”

“It’s all the exertion.” He laughs at me and swats my stomach. “You don’t want me to hold you then to warm you up?”

That’s the only thing I want at this moment. I curl against him, feeling his arms around my back, slipping my legs between his and smiling as he rolls on top of me, trapping me under him.

“I’ve got a new girlfriend, the one you pointed out. That Diana girl.”

“You choose now to tell me about her?”

“You’re the one insisting that I date all these women.”

“Now… at this point in time? Not this afternoon? No? Now…”

“Why? Are you telling me that you’re jealous?”

“No…”

“You’re lying. I can tell you’re lying.”

It’s not a nice feeling. Both the jealousy and being called out. I scrunch up my nose and to my disgust, he chuckles at me.

“Good. I’m glad that you’re jealous. I hate it when you tell me to find a wife.”

“You still need to. Even if you ‘think’ I’m jealous.”

“But I want you.”

It’s so direct, I almost gasp. Instead, I try to turn the conversation, “You’ve just had me…”

“As my wife. Marry me.”

“What?”

“Marry me, Camilla. Please…”

“Charles…” I feel my heart sinking deep into my stomach.

“Divorce Andrew. Marry me.”

His eyes are staring at me, pleading with me. I’m pinned underneath him, his hands around my wrists which he’s pulled above my head. What am I meant to say? I don’t want to hurt him. I opt for humour, our invariable fallback by the way of a difficult conversation, “Are you mad?”

“Yes. Mad. Madly in love with you. Marry me.” Between kisses, he whispers the words into my ears, against my neck, into my mouth. 

I wish I could say yes. “Darling, please don’t ask me to do that.”

“I don’t care about anything but you.” 

Here it starts. I can hear the hurt in his voice, the pleading tone. I don’t think I can go through this again. “Then I’m going to turn you down. I won’t let you do that. I’m not going to divorce Andrew. I’m not destroying my children’s lives. I’m not depriving my country of its king. No, Charles, I won’t marry you.”

“What is so wrong with me that you turn me down again?”

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you.” I pull my arms away from his grasp and reach around his neck, coaxing him to rest against me. “Everything is wrong with me.”

“There was nothing wrong with you the first time I asked.”

He’s so petulant when he’s hurt. “Other than I’m a subject and not a virgin? I had a ‘history’.”

“I didn’t care.”

“Others did.”

“Who cares what they thought?”

“You’re The Prince of Wales, the future king…”

“Yes, thanks for reminding me, I had forgotten…”

That makes us both laugh, despite the conversation and I feel his fingers across my face and his lips press against mine forcefully, making me gasp, making my stomach somersault. 

“If you divorce him, I’ll marry you.”

“You know you can’t. So I’m trapped. I can’t divorce him, it’ll cause a scandal and then I won’t be able to see you.”

“So what do we do?”

“Nothing. I stay with my husband, you marry someone else, that Diana girl might be a good option. You know this. Don’t make things difficult.”

“You mean don’t talk about it?”

“Yes.”

He bites my neck, pulling at it with his teeth, making my skin explode with the contact. I can’t bear this conversation and the hurt I have to bestow on him. I can’t control the surges of hope which try to constrict my words of refusal and the disappointment which stabs at my heart. I can’t bear the crushed look in his eyes as he pleads with me, eyes still so wonderfully innocent and sweet and I kiss him to quieten him. Sometimes words are too painful and the pain too secret to express. 

[indiekidsau]

Chap. 21-Let's Talk About It

Here it is guys! Finally, you’ll be getting lore on Vanessa and the Prince and why they turn into monsters.

Like my other two fanfics, I also worked on this during my trip to Canada but didn’t finish it as I was so focused on getting my Fairy Au and my Welcome to Dreamworld fanfic done first before finishing this one.

Thanks to @gigilefache and @mun-auroralore for beta reading!

Enjoy!

~~~~~

It was Thursday, and class only had a few minutes left before they were let out and both students and teachers could go home and rest.

For Lucas, he wanted to go talk to Vanessa before she left. After almost a week of thinking about it, he wanted to ask Vanessa about the curse. Hopefully, Vanessa could give him the answers he’s been looking for.

Finally, the bell rang.

The class stopped what they were doing and gathered their stuff, leaving the classroom and heading home for the day.

“You have a great rest of the day! I’ll see you all tomorrow!” Lucas yelled as he waved goodbye to his class.

Once they were gone, he let out a sigh and carefully went next door to Vanessa’s classroom, hoping she was still there.

To Lucas’s relief, she was there, packing up her stuff before heading home. He waited just a bit before opening the door.

“Oh!” Vanessa exclaimed. “Lucas, what’s up?” 

“N-nothing,” Lucas replied. “I was just wondering if you wanna talk.”

Vanessa chuckled. “About what?” she asked.

Lucas was about to reply- but not before urging Vanessa back inside her classroom. He followed after and closed the door. Once he saw it was safe to talk, Lucas continued.

“It’s about my curse,” He stated.

Vanessa sighed. 

She knew this day would come, after the outburst she had in front of Aubrey a month ago it took Lucas long enough for him to ask about that.

“Alright we’ll talk about it- but not here,” Vanessa said.

“Where would you like to talk about it?” Lucas asked.

Vanessa thought for a second before answering. “We’re going to the local park we always went to as kids.”

“Got it,” Lucas replied.

Once most of the students had gone home for the day, it was safe for Lucas and Vanessa to leave the school together, putting their important stuff in Lucas’s car and walking towards the park.

Once there, they walked past the playground to a secret area where they always played at. Upon going through the bushes, they saw nothing had changed in their secret hideout.

“It's been a long time since we visited this place,” Lucas commented.

“Yeah,” Vanessa replied. “Last time we were here was… when you proposed to me.”

Lucas sighed, remembering that day. 

He planned it on a Friday during a sunset. It was perfect- until the surprise rainstorm happened, but despite how wet he and Vanessa were, the proposal still happened.

Lucas still wished he and Vanessa did get married and start a life together. However, this curse prevented that from happening.

Vanessa led Lucas to the tree they always used to sit at, talk and sit down, letting out a sigh.

“Man, I miss being here,” Lucas said.

“Same!” Vanessa added as she let out a relaxing sigh.

The two sat there, reminiscing about their time at the secret hideout. During that time, Vanessa and Lucas kept on glancing at one another not saying a word, just blushing when one looked at the other. 

Seeing that both of them were not going to get anywhere with this, Vanessa decided to speak up. “So, you're probably wondering what’s been going on. About the curse I mean.”

Lucas turned to her and nodded.

Vanessa pulled out her smartphone from her bag and went to her photos. After a moment of scrolling, she found the photo she was looking for.  “I did some research and found out what this curse is,” she revealed,  showing the photo to Lucas-who took the phone and looked at the info on the curse.

Lucas read what the curse was about as Vanessa continued to explain what it was.

“It’s called the Ghostly Curse. A curse that is crested, calling upon evil spirits and turning you into a ghostly demon,” She explained. 

He looked through the photo, swiped to the next page, and looked at more drawings of the curse. “I’ve been researching this for a year!” Lucas exclaimed, “How did you find all this information?” 

“I found it hidden away in the manor. Apparently, someone found the book, but some of the pages were ripped out,” Vanessa explained. “I think those pages were the cure, and whoever cursed us ripped it out and hid it from us.”

“But why would you hide it? What in your crazy mind made you think about hiding it?!” Lucas asked, raising his voice.

“Because I didn’t do it!” Vanessa yelled.

Lucas scoffed. “Yeah, sure!” 

“Lucas, I'm serious! What proof do you need to know I didn’t do this to you?!” Vanessa yelled.

Lucas opened his mouth and stepped back a bit. 

Vanessa was right; he didn’t have proof that Vanessa did this. However, her behavior towards him after the proposal was enough for him.

Vanessa calmed down and stepped back. “You don’t, do you?” she asked.

“No, I don’t,” Lucas replied. “Just your behavior changed after I proposed to you.”

“That’s because I was cursed first,” Vanessa replied. 

However, Lucas didn’t listen and kept on going,

“The day we broke it off, you turned into this monster right in front of me, all because you thought I cheated on you!” Lucas yelled.

“And I’m sorry about it!” Vanessa apologized. 

“You really hurt me, Vanessa! I told you I was just giving the florist money! I would never cheat on you. I'm not like HIM!?” Lucas screamed.

Suddenly a blue flame appeared in his hands and blasted towards a tree, putting a large hole through it.

Lucas and Vanessa were horrified at what they just witnessed. Vanessa slowly turned towards Lucas as he looked down at his hands. 

The flames were still glowing and turning purple.

“W-What’s going on!?” Lucas asked, panicking.

“The curse,” Vanessa answered. “It messes with your emotions. If you're emotional you’ll make it worse.” 

Lucas started to hyperventilate as the flames began going up to his arms. This made his transformation process a lot faster than usual.

“V-Vanessa!” He coughed out, his voice starting to change, “H-Help!”

“Lucas, stay calm. Please,” Vanessa begged.

Lucas tried to slow down his breathing, but he was still transforming into his cursed form. His hair turned darker and purple. Seeing nothing was working, his panic grew, which made him transform more.

Vanessa tried to hold Lucas’s hand, but was scared, thinking he would attack her again. 

With a gulp, she slowly put her hand on his and held it.

Lucas’s eyes snapped open as he slowly looked at Vanessa’s hands. He gasped and looked up at Vanessa- who was now crying seeing him in this state.

“Please, you have to stay calm-” Vanessa repeated, “If you don’t it’ll get worse.”

Lucas slowly nodded and tried to stay calm. He tried thinking of things that usually calmed him down: his friends, his family, his students, anything that made him happy.

Slowly, the curse started to fade, and Vanessa’s smile started to grow. “That’s it, Luke. Stay calm, alright?” she reassured him.

Lucas let out an exhale and opened his eyes, seeing he had calmed down and that the curse had gone away. He was in shock seeing Vanessa help him, and smiled at her.

“Better?” Vanessa asked.

Lucas nodded in reply, “Thank you, Vanessa.”

Vanessa smiled and let go of Lucas’s hand. She then went into her bag and grabbed a purple charm bracelet that had a blue flame charm.

“You’ll need this,” she said, handing him the bracelet.

Lucas took the bracelet and examined it. “What’s this?” he asked.

“During my research, I found something that helps stabilize the curse temporarily,” Vanessa explained.

Lucas put the bracelet on, and a purple glow illuminated from the flame. He didn’t feel different, just the same.

“That’s it?” Lucas asked.

“I suppose so,” Vanessa replied. She started to walk away- but not before giving one more glance at Lucas. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” 

Just as Vanessa was ready to leave, Lucas spoke up.

“Wait!” Lucas yelled, stopping Vanessa. He walked over to her, and with a deep breath, spoke up. “I don’t know who cursed us, but I know  it wasn’t you.”

Vanessa was surprised-but gave a small smile, seeing Lucas finally believed her.

“However,” he continued, “because of how you treated me- and how I treated you, it’s gonna be hard to get along, again.”

“I thought so,” Vanessa replied.

“But-since we’re both researching this-we need to work together and figure out how to cure it,” Lucas said.

Vanessa nodded. “Right! How about…” She paused to think. “Tomorrow.”

“Alright. Meet me at my apartment after school, we can go over what we find. Hopefully, we can find answers,” Lucas explained.

“Okay,” Vanessa replied.

The two left their hideout, and saw people leaving the park. They decided to do the same, knowing they’ll be busy all day tomorrow.

Vanessa glanced at her hand and Lucas’s hand, and hesitated once again to hold it. She held it before, but it was desperately needed.

Lucas saw Vanessa wanted to hold his hand again- but while he allowed her earlier, he was still too untrusting for her to hold it again, so he put his hand in his pocket.

Vanessa saw this and frowned, but wasn’t upset.

She knew it would be a while before the two trusted each other fully, but she knew whoever cursed them would pay for this.

As they walked, they didn’t notice they were being followed by the same creature as before. 

He smirked and chuckled.

[welldonebeca]

Glitter and Goo*

Summary: When you have to go on a mission to a different planet together, Bucky is hit by a mating ritual flower, and some feelings you two have been hiding come up. AKA: It’s a sex pollen fic with a side of breeding kink. Pairing: Bucky x F!Reader Warnings: Tension. Romantic tension. Fluff. Dirty talking. Sex promises. Passionate sex. Breeding kink. Praising kink. Size difference. Cock warming. Fluff. Aftercare. Comfort.

You watched the door of the ship nervously as Bucky ran up, keeping your distance as he practically barked at you in the COM system to do.

"Are you sure you're alright?" you insisted as he walked past you, sniffing, a little irritated on the nose.

What was that smell?

"I'm fine," he grunted. "I just need to clean up."

You hesitated a bit. The two of you were alone in that mission, to find some special element on a different planet.

"Did you get it?" you asked him, crossing your arms.

Bucky walked into the isolated decontamination shower.

"I did," he called from inside. "It's in my pocket."

You walked near the door, trying not to look inside.

"Get me a ziplock bag," he commanded.

"Are you sure you are alright?" you insisted. "Bucky, if it sprayed on you-"

He didn't even let you finish.

"I'll be fine," he snapped. "Just get me the ziplock bag!"

You stood stiffly, surprised by the harsh words.

Now, that wasn't like Bucky.

He sighed on the other side.

"Sorry," he spoke quickly. "I'm just... I want to wash this off of me."

You walked to the side, taking some of the ziplock bags you had.

"What happened?" you asked him, showing the empty ziplock to him.

The door opened slightly, and he pulled it from your hand quickly, closing the door again.

"Fucking flower exploded in front of me when I was kneeling," Bucky explained. "There's powder and goo everywhere. But I'm alright, really. Just... let me shower."

You pressed your lips together, but kept quiet, not wanting to fight with him and have a long, awkward trip back home. It was just the two of you for two fucking days.

"Do you want me to get you a change of clothes?" you offered.

This wasn't your shared bathroom, it was a fucking decontamination shower.

Bucky sighed.

"Yeah," he decided. "Please."

You did, placing it down in the exit and putting your protection equipment before taking his clothes and the element.

His jacket was covered in some pink shimmery dust, as he had just gotten in the way of a glitter bomb.

You took some of it too, putting it in your database, along with some of the goo, though most of it seemed to have dried already. The best-case scenario was that nothing would happen, but it was best to be safe.

"Friday?" you called. "Can you send a copy of these to HQ too? Maybe someone knows what they are."

"Yes, ma'am," the system answered back.

By the time you were done and back, Bucky had left the decontamination shower, and looked very grumpy.

"Hey," you stopped in front of him, still a little hesitant. "Doing alright?"

He glanced up at you, eyes lingering on your chest before moving to your face, scrubbing his metal arm.

"I'll have to get someone to look into my arm," he told you. "I don't know if something got between the plates."

You tilted your head, surprised.

"I thought it was self-cleaning," you noted. "Like... a fancy self-cleaning oven, of sorts."

His lips curled in a tiny smile at your joke.

"Most of the time," he confirmed. "But I never had alien pollen and goo on it before."

You shrugged, amused.

"Well, good luck," you wished him. "I sent that stuff to the database, just to be sure."

He hummed a bit in confirmation, and you left him alone, going to the food supply to fix dinner for you two.

"Bucky?" you called. "Why didn't you tell me they packed us lemons?"

Bucky had been the one to deal with the food on the way up, more used to making food in a ship than you'd ever been.

You looked back at the lack of answer and walked back to where you'd left him, finding him resting back on the wall, looking a little loopy.

"Bucky?" you called.

He jumped, surprised, though his eyes were still heavy.

"Hi," he gasped back. "Sorry, what?"

"Lemons," you told him. "You didn't tell me we had them. I can make lemonade."

Bucky took his hand to his nose, pinching in.

"I'm not hungry," he told you. "Maybe just... I don't know. Squeeze one for yourself?"

You shifted on your feet.

"Are you alright?"

Bucky rubbed his eye.

"Yeah," he waved you a dismissive hand.

"Maybe you should have a nap?" you suggested. "Did you sleep since we left?"

He moved slowly, shaking his head.

"Gotta make sure you're safe," he mumbled. "We're in space."

. . .

"glitter and goo" is a Patreon fic! To read this smutty 4-part-story, subscribe to my page, it's just $2 a month, you have early access to everything I do, and I post nearly everyday. (link takes you to public masterlist)

. . .

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[halfwayt0sanity]

I met Andi in 1977 at the Hockey Club THC Mettmann in the Zweite-Herren — men's second division. Andi was also allowed to play in the first division, he was a good striker. I, on the other hand, was a goalkeeper in the second division. I didn't think it was so bad to play in the second division because they drank more alcohol than those in the first division, who took the sport very seriously. After training, the older guys used to buy rounds of beer, the two of us never had to pay for anything. I regularly rode home from the club on a small motorcycle that leaned sideways, which I inherited from my brother Mike. My father was worried that the sport would cause blood circulation problems to his boy.

The motorcycle thing was less dangerous than it sounds. My small Fantic motorcycle only reached 23 km/h since Mini Frielinghaus tried to increase the previous top speed of a dishonorable 45 km/h by improving it. Mini only said: "It's an Italian model. Nothing can be done."

The second problem with the motorcycle was that it wasn't a normal size, but rather it seemed to be made for children. It had very small wheels and was painted in candy color, snail's pace no longer made a big difference. When Andi and I came back from training, he used to ride his bike faster. He lived in Schillerstraße street, less than 500 metres from my house. We visited each other almost every afternoon and I showed him my new vinyls. As I went to school in Düsseldorf, I had an advantage over my friends from Mettmann when it came to music. My trusted salesman, from the Rock On vinyl store on Schadow Street, received new merchandise direct from London every Friday. The tall Wolla would then reach over his counter bar and whisper confidentially: "Hey Andreas, the new Devo stuff arrives in yellow vinyl next Friday, there's only 1000 copies. Shall I reserve one for you?"

The new Devo stuff in yellow? Not bad; on the other hand, I still needed Fulham Fallout by The Lurkers and I only had 20 DM left until next month. I helped my mother at home by picking blackcurrants, increased my budget to 30 DM and bought both vinyls. The very limited yellow copies of Devo remained in the shop for three more years and were soon available at half price.

On the other hand, Andi and I — two kids with acne and spiky hairstyles. We dyed each other's hair with cheap dyes, which we found in the supermarket and always made us look sick. We were never accompanied by girls, but always by our Ramones vinyls in plastic bags. Maybe we were boys to look twice, but Mettmann's girls never looked at you a second time.

For the summer vacations of 1979, we got BritRail tickets, which we used to travel free of charge on every train in Britain. As much as we had been planning the trip for weeks, it wasn't until two hours before departure that I started packing my backpack. Obviously, half of the clothes, which I put in at the last minute, turned out to be useless in the end. Can opener, corkscrew, cutlery, toothpaste — all that I had to borrow from Andi. Anyway, I packed my father's very old four-person tent, which he probably still had from the Second World War. Unfortunately, at the train station in Düsseldorf, the tent turned out to be too heavy, so we left it lying on the platform.

We wanted to travel throughout England at all costs. Our stated goal was to see as many Punk bands in as short a time as possible. After getting off the ferry at Dover and passing through security checkpoint, we went to the nearest newsagent to buy the New Musical Express, which was the best weekly music magazine in England. Unlike German music magazines like BRAVO or Musikexpress, the NME, as it was called, had a serious newspaper format. It was our reliable compass in the sea of new Punk bands constantly emerging from England. You could also get the NME in Düsseldorf at the train station, but the newest issue was always the previous week's edition.

On the train from Dover to London, we opened the most important page for us: Nationwide Gig Guide, to find out which band was playing when and where. The Piranhas in Brighton on Monday, UK Subs in Leeds on Tuesday, The Extras in London on Wednesday, Adam & The Ants in York on Thursday, Sham 69 in London again on Saturday, etc. In the capital, the Punk movement was leaving its peak behind and the first bands, such as the Sex Pistols, had already broken up again. In other cities, things were just getting started.

Punks with their radical attitude to class struggle contrasted staunchly and with vociferous resistance to "Maggie" Thatcher's Britain. Punk was perceived worldwide, but in the late '70s it was a very English and thoroughly political issue. They shouted No future against the Hippie slogan Love & Peace. The concerts weren't meant to be just nice evenings with music, they served as a meeting place for those who were disgruntled. Not only with their lives, but with everything: the lousy job, the shitty flat, the incomprehension of their parents shaking their heads. They wanted to fight against all that, no matter how they sang: No more heroes and Do something. They started occupying buildings and founding organisations such as Rock against Racism and the Anti Nazi League. In 1977, that stance hit me like a bombshell. I felt like a blind man who could suddenly see. I went to the hairdresser, paid 5 DM, got my hair cut and took part.

Our clothes were our uniform and sympathisers recognised each other immediately, even if they had never seen each other before.

Sitting on the London Underground with Andi, we were approached by a group of Punks: "Alright, lads? You got some fags?"

"Sorry, we're not smoking...", Andi replied. We struck up a conversation with the group and one of them asked where we were going. His hair was shaved and dyed leopard print and he wore an angry red leather jacket.

"To the Rainbow to see Sham 69.", I replied.

"To see Sham? Are you crazy? A bunch of Skinheads from the National Front announced their presence tonight and there's going to be a lot of fuss. Come with us. We're going out to Ashford to see the UK Subs. We'll all be there tonight." As intimidated as we were, Andi and I didn't hesitate for too long.

"No, thanks. We have to go there today.", I replied. Another guy shook his head and said: "Don't do it... but it's your decision. We warned you. If you change your mind, just go later. The Subs take the stage at nine p.m."

They got off the train at the next station and Andi and I continued alone to Finsbury Park, where the Rainbow Theatre was. Sham 69 was one of my favourite bands. Unfortunately, they decided to split up. It became impossible for them to do a show without massive violent fights because also the Skinhead scene demanded Sham and their singer Jimmy Pursey for themselves. That's why during the shows there were real battles for the band. Pursey and his musicians tried to pacify the groups and came up with a song called If the Kids are United, but the attempt failed brutally. Before long, Sham 69 had the same problem as English football clubs at the stadiums. This didn't detract from their legend.

"Andi, if they end up killing us over there... We have to see that band once in our lives. I'd never forgive myself if we don't go now because we're cowards."

"I'm going with you.", Andi replied and with that he anticipated the future credo of the Hosen Alle oder keiner (Everyone or no one), and so we hesitantly walked along Seven Sisters Road to the Rainbow Theatre. Originally, this theatre had been a gigantic cinema with a capacity of almost three thousand spectators. There were already a lot of people outside: Skins, Rockers, also ordinary people, but, as the guy in the underground had predicted, unfortunately very few Punks. We picked up our tickets at the pre-sale and passed through the entrance control without any problems. All quiet so far. I thought nothing could happen to us once we were inside. The security at the Rainbow was going to keep an eye on things.

How wrong I was! As much as they had a bunch of tough guys and boxers among them, security guards didn't even stand a chance. The night got off to a quiet start. A band called The Low Numbers put in a lot of effort, but the disinterested people stayed at the beer stands and preferred to sing football chants. Andi and I stood downstairs in the centre of the room, above us was a huge balcony packed with fans and sometimes a glass of beer would fly down. Good mood.

Until Sham 69 took the stage and all hell broke loose. Right in front of the stage everyone was moshing, but only a few metres further back, in the dark part of the hall, wild fights broke out, in which different groups were involved. Sometimes, the ones who were downstairs tried to storm the balcony and the ones who were upstairs jumped to the ground floor and made their way to the stage, punches were flying everywhere.

Escaping to the exit now seemed impossible, all the ways were blocked. The only ones who seemed to remain untouchable in this mess were a group of biker-rockers, who apparently nobody wanted to mess with. Fifteen to twenty people, long hair, leather caps, thick rings on their fingers and easily ten years older than anyone here. They were standing relaxed with their girlfriends in the background against a wall and watching what was going on calmly and in anticipation.

Andi and I stood next to them and struck up a conversation with one of them. He had tattooed neck and arms and was 6'2" tall. We tried to look like we belonged to their group. Surely they must have found it amusing.

"It's a bit of a rough evening, isn't it? We're from Germany, we don't know what's going on." The rocker smiled at us. Big crooked teeth, also some golden ones among them. He inmediately understood what was going on. "You stay with us, mate.", he said and put us behind him and among his friends.

All around us, panic was spreading. After five songs, in the middle of Hersham Boys, the band had to stop their show. Jimmy Pursey shouted into the microphone for them to stop fighting and left the stage with his band. The situation calmed down for a moment, the thugs seemed hesitant: punching or live music? After that pause and a few more messages, Sham 69 tried to continue with their show. Hardly had they reached the second chorus and it was all one big massive battle again.

Jimmy Pursey angrily shouted: "We tried to give you everything. You fucking cunts will never understand! You fucking ruined it all!"

He turned around, ripped the drum off the bottom of the drum kit and threw it into the crowd. Chaos! They pulled down an iron curtain in front of the stage, security guards took cover at the back, the fights in the hall continued and slowly moved outside.

At an opportune moment, Andi and I said goodbye to the rockers and ran through the emergency exits, into the street and to the underground station, but the police had already closed it as a precaution. We kept running down the street until we could get on a bus, which stopped at a traffic light. Behind us, there were still chase scenes, but we had made it. A skinhead, who was also at the concert, got on the bus with us. Apparently, he wanted nothing to do with the trouble.

He gasped: "What a waste. It was Arsenal against Chelsea fans. The gooners won." Apparently, the Arsenal Skins wouldn't tolerate Chelsea fans on their turf. Andi and I looked at each other shaking our heads. Maybe we should have gone with the London Punks to see the UK Subs, but then we had to laugh at ourselves. Sham 69 — we saw them!

However, from now on only Punk shows, no Skinheads, please, because it was always like that, no matter where we went, we always felt part of a group. Among us Punks there was an implicit solidarity, also in this context was Us and them, us against all the others, as I got to know later at away games in football. As soon as a patrol car turned the corner to check on us, the whole group gathered closer together, closing ranks. We knew that if they tried to take just one of us, we would all be in the same bag.

As we wanted to invest all our money in concert tickets and vinyls, unfortunately there was no money planned for accommodation in the budget. We planned to have my father's tent. We had to get a new one in London, an early blow to our travel savings. Over the next few weeks, the new and much lighter tent went into action in various places: on a golf course in Scotland, in the front garden of a house in Brighton or in York City Park — even though the Yorkshire Ripper, the serial killer, supposedly was around at the time.

A good alternative to the tent was to sleep on trains. We once went on the Flying Scotsman to Edinburgh, only to return to London the same night. That way we also went to Liverpool, where we stayed at the station for a few hours. Lime Street Station was the first, and for the moment the only, thing I knew of Liverpool. To explore the city, we lacked the money, and neither talk about having to watch a football match, plus it was summer and football was in recess.

So we took a train back to the south and slept for a few hours. We brushed our teeth and the most important things of personal hygiene in public toilets, that's why we preferred cities on the coast, where the conditions usually were better. Sometimes, we also went to the sea and had breakfast on the beach. Our breakfast was white bread and jam for 14 days, but Andi dropped the jar of jam on the sand on the second day and, as we didn't want to invest two precious pounds to buy another one, from now on it crunched between our teeth when we chewed it. Two pounds could have been two vinyl "Singles" in a Record-&-Tape-Exchange shop. After the trip, I didn't eat any more jam for many years.

There were also days when no band we were interested in was playing in the whole of Britain. On those days, we spent our time with a very special game: In the morning, we would bet on where we would end the night and whoever's bet got closest to the destination train station, which we had chosen by rolling a dice, would win. There were tough negotiations.

Andi: I'll bet my new Single Tommy Gun by The Clash on Exeter. If I win, I get your Buzzcocks."

Me: "Are you crazy? Buzzcocks? It's limited. If you win, I'll give you la Cortinas — that's enough! Anyway, we're going to end up in Ipswich."

So we sat on the platform. Two teenagers from Germany wearing torn t-shirts and carrying heavy backpacks and big bags with vinyls inside. We took two dice, first to sort out the platform we were going to get on and then the number of stops we were going to travel. So, sometimes, we ended up taking the slow, regional train to a suburb of London, nothing more, but it also took us to the north of Scotland, to Inverness. The lightness of simple being.

From Campino's book 'Hope Street: Wie ich einmal englischer Meister wurde' (2020)

[fleurcareil]

Leaving Canada

After finishing the road trip, the last 2 weeks of September were a whirlwind of activities to sort out things and say goodbye one more time before leaving the country. Although I may have benefited from staying a bit longer, having been on the road for so long made me ready to close off this phase and look forward to the next one, going back home to Europe! 🤩

First priority was to clean everything that I had been traveling with (with thanks to lots of space and a garden hose😁) and then figure out what to put into storage and what to bring as luggage. Initially my intent had been to travel straight from France to Chile, however due to exorbitant one-way air fares, I ended up booking a return ticket back to TO for mid-January.... not sure how this is all going to work out but for now it means that I'm only travelling with one suitcase instead of the 3 that I had already pre-packed. Easier to carry but harder to fit my clothes! 😅

Second key item was to get my car sold, so I got the car deep cleaned over lunch with Tara... something I've never done but should really have given myself as a gift much earlier! 😄 I thought the guy had done a great job at making my car look brand-new again, but he actually apologized to me as he hadn't managed to remove all bug residue from the grill nor the grit of the endless unpaved roads from the tires...the downfall of such an extensive road trip!

That afternoon, 3 accidents on the QEW highway meant that traffic was jammed for miles around, so I tried to wait it out by visiting the first 2 car dealers to get a sense of their offer... suddenly everything seemed wrong with my fab drive, as it needed new tires, new brakes, a chip in the window etc etc... 😯😪 I recognize the sales tactics for what they were but they still pulled me down, so by the time I got back home after taking 1.5 hours over a 20min drive, I was shaken & thoroughly fed up!

Next day, I toured a few more dealers who all basically said the same and then just cut my losses to get it over with (I must be the worst negotiator on earth! 🤣) ... I absolutely have had an amazing time driving my Rogue and I still loved everything about it, but it was time to say goodbye and move on.

Being a bit emotional after signing the papers, I drove by my old house in Burlington (where the new tenants are neglecting the pretty roses I had planted 😣) and then sat on my favourite bench in Paletta Park overlooking Lake Ontario. A mere 10 minutes' walk from where I used to live, I would often come here over my lunch break or after work, a great spot to relax! 😊

Next day, after having handed in the car & safely deposited the cheque at the bank, I was happy to go over to Priyanka & Arnie for a traditional Hungarian dish and meet again with their lovely parents. I first met Priyanka's parents at our MBA graduation over 10 years ago and we've been in touch ever since, having shared many dinners (including with my parents and in Delhi 🤗), theater plays, a powwow and ofcourse the wedding in India! 😍😍

On Friday, I spent hoouuuurs on the internet and phone to arrange anything from bank accounts & medical insurance to booking flights for my travels in Europe. Felt good to clean house and try to close as many things as possible before leaving. In the evening, we had delicious pizza & craft beer in the "Shed" in downtown Dundas.

That Saturday, it was fun times at the Ancaster Fall Fair with Arpita, Navneet and his cousin Nithia. 🤩 I had never been to a farm fair, which had everything from a hot sauce contest, cow & chicken displays to nitro-chilled snacks and prizes for the prettiest tomatoes, hay bales and funny-looking veggies! 😂 Quite an experience and a great afternoon!

On Sunday, I went with Heather for a hike in nearby Dundas Valley conservation area, my favourite forest west of the GTA. I've been here so often that I know most trails by heart but this time we walked in from a residential area on the side so that the forest still felt new. 😀

I spent the second week in Toronto where I lived for 11 years - my personal record of living that long in one city! 😊 - and it felt really good to roam the streets (albeit only for a short period of time before the craziness got to me 😫). For four days I crammed in as many friends as I could see, starting with a great backyard dinner with my old team. Having 9 different cultural backgrounds being represented leads to ever-interesting diverse conversations! 😍

On Tuesday, I had cozy lunch and dinner with my two good friends Kathryn and Lynne, both a bit senior to me hence always providing me with valuable insights that help me put things in a different perspective. 🥰 They're both great examples of how we can continue to have fulfilling lives for many years to come! 😘

Then on Wednesday, a lunch walk with Dana through my old 'hood and the Riverdale Farm, followed by relaxing tea with Natasha, Lance and their mother who I've also known since coming to Toronto and by whom I spent a memorable Christmas in Trinidad & Tobago. 🤩 In the evening, the drinks were tasty as usual when meeting with a loosely connected 😅 but somehow gelling group of Real Estate friends... always a good time!

On my last day in Toronto, I caught up with Harvey over Indian Roti and then had a few lovely hours at the new Love Park at the harbourfront. My final date was with my camping-sailing-drinking group of friends 😎 at the Queen Mother Café, a downtown thai restaurant where I used to go often in the first years. We're all a bit wiser (?!? 😂) then when we first met years ago but the laughs are still there!

Tired & having a terrible cold but feeling blessed with all those friendships, I made my way back to Dundas, where I was grateful to spend the last day with Arpita and Navneet, working a bit in the garden and playing the cool card game Dominion at night.

On the 30th September, they dropped me off to the airport, ready to fly home! 💖💖💖

[vinkunwildflowerqueenupdates]

A Year Ago Today

If you follow me here, you probably know that I'm working on a Christmas fic right now. You may also know that this was something I've been working on for a year, and was originally intended to be written for Christmas 2021.

And then right after I had the idea (in August), I bought a house. Which changed my plans, because I had limited time due to packing and everything that goes into buying a house.

You may also know that the other thing that happened during that time was that I injured my back. Bulging Disc.

Well, that was a year ago today.

And because my anxiety-ridden brain loves to dwell on these things, I decided to write it all out as best as I remember it. Which is messy. But it did make me feel better.

So, here it is:

My back hurt. The spot right in my lower back where your back meets your hips, right alongside either side of my spine (in between L5 and S1 vertebrae if you wanna be technical and know your spine quite well. I did not yet. I just knew that was The Spot Where It Hurt).

Which was nothing unusual. It’s hurt since I was eighteen (I was thirty-one at this time). And I’d spent the past days and weeks packing and moving boxes full of my life to the new house. Of course it hurt. (Yes, I’d had movers do most of it, but I’d still done the majority of the packing and there were some boxes and things that I didn’t trust to the movers). 

But now it was done. All the boxes were moved into the new house, the important things were unpacked- kitchen, books, DVDs. The latter two may not seem important to most people, but when you have twenty-two boxes of books (the movers said it was the most boxes of books they’ve ever moved and I was quite proud), and three or four boxes of DVDs (yes, I still have DVDs), unpacking them clears a lot of space.

I’d survived another week at work, going home each afternoon and unpacking more boxes until I couldn’t handle moving any more and then retreating to the couch. I’d already decided to give myself the weekend off from unpacking this weekend, just to rest.

“A whole day in bed only getting up for food or the bathroom will just give my back a chance to rest,” I’d decided. 

So that’s what I did on Saturday. 

On Friday night, I’d moved my laptop and my little portable laptop table upstairs and didn’t get up except for food or the bathroom. Or to heat up my heat bag. Which despite having a TV in my bedroom and doing much the same things I would be doing downstairs sprawled on the couch, was super boring. 

When I woke up on Sunday, I was bitterly disappointed that my day of rest had not magically cured my back pain. 

My next hope for a miracle cure was a hot shower. Just standing there beneath the hot water. I don’t remember if I attempted to wash my hair or not. I know I didn’t try to shave my legs- I’d done that on Friday night in the shower. It hurt to bend over, so I’d had the bright idea just to squat and shave my legs that way. Which worked until it hurt too much to stand, and there was nothing in my shower I could grab to pull me up. 

I’d honestly thought that I’d have to crawl out of the shower on my hands and knees to the toilet and use that to get myself up. Luckily, I managed to stand eventually. I don’t remember how now. 

So I wasn’t going to attempt that again. 

I got out of the shower and got myself dressed slowly. Putting pants on also was a thing, because raising my knee to my chest hurt. I don’t remember the Before, but I know After the only way for me to get pants on was to lie on my back and put my pants on that way, like some kind of weird turtle. For some reason, it didn’t hurt to raise my knee while lying on my back, only when standing or sitting. 

I decided that I was bored with bed, and that Sunday’s rest could be accomplished downstairs on the couch. Easier access to the kitchen. 

I’d made the trip with the laptop and laptop table upstairs on Friday night in one trip, so I assumed the return trip could also be done only in one trip. The laptop table was on the floor, laptop on top, so I knelt down to lift it.

And then there was Pain. 

Blinding, hot, white pain in all directions from The Spot in my back. It reached all the way up to my arms- to the point that I dropped the laptop table because I couldn’t grip it with my hands. I remember just praying that I hadn’t broken the laptop, because I did not have the money to replace it just now, not to mention everything I would lose on it, if I had (the laptop is fine, just FYI). 

A note I didn’t mention is that I’d bought a new bed for the new house, but it hadn’t arrived yet (Fun Fact: it would not arrive until February. It was November). So I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor. 

Upon which I now fell like I was a stunt person diving into a crash mat. My whole back was spasming, and I was seeing black spots. 

I lay there gasping for breath and taking slow and steady breaths, hoping I wasn’t about to either pass out (given that I live alone and have never passed out before) or throw up (because that is just very unpleasant and I wasn’t sure how I’d make it to the toilet for that). 

I only knew two things then:

This was not my normal back pain.

Something was very, very wrong. 

I eventually got up. I feel like I might have tried to get up and had another spasm, I don’t remember now. I do know that when I did get up, I had to be on my stomach and then get up onto my hands and knees and somehow stood up that way. 

I made my way slowly downstairs, got down onto the couch and then realised that I didn’t think I’d be able to get up again. 

I debated whether or not to call an ambulance. But I didn’t feel like this was an emergency enough for that. 

So I called a colleague who lives a few streets away, who I didn’t think would mind coming to help me. But she didn’t answer. 

So I called my friend, who I work with but lives on the other side of town, some 30-40 minutes away depending on traffic. She answered and said she was just wrapping Christmas presents. 

Me: (paraphrasing because I don’t remember my exact words) Can I ask a big favour? I’ve done something to my back, and I can’t really move and I don’t think I can drive myself to the hospital.

Thankfully, she and her partner came ASAP.

The hospital is like a five minute drive from my house (another reason I wasn’t super keen to call an ambulance; even for that small a distance, the ambulance bill is a few hundred dollars. I do have ambulance cover in my health insurance, but still… I could move. So, I could get to the hospital myself- well, almost by myself. Inconveniencing my friend seemed the better option than inconveniencing the paramedics, who may be needed at an actual emergency, right?). 

I couldn’t walk very fast and bending down hurt, but we got me into the car. I needed help putting on my seatbelt because I couldn’t turn, nor could I reach out to pull the door closed.

I can’t really describe the pain succinctly that I felt from sitting down just for that five minute drive. It was kind of a pressure in The Spot, one that radiated down into my legs and also up. But it also kind of felt like a lock, like the spine was locking into place. It got heavier the longer I sat, until I was sure that if I sat any longer, I’d no longer be able to get up. 

Getting into the hospital was fine. I walked slowly. Although I remember my foot catching slightly on some uneven pavement and I stumbled and that was a sharp jolt up my spine. 

The triage nurse invited me to sit when it was my turn, and I had to say “no, I can’t.”

It was a wait of… maybe an hour? I don’t know. Long enough for me to feel bad that my friends were giving up their Sunday to sit with me. I think I offered to let them go, if they wanted but they stayed (in hindsight, thank God they stayed). The triage nurse did bring me some pain meds, but I didn’t feel like they did much and so I stayed standing. 

I didn’t sit again until I got in to see the doctor. I told him everything, and he said it was a muscle spasm. 

“Rest. Heat. I’ll give you a script.”

It didn’t feel like a muscle spasm, but I am not a doctor, so what do I know? 

I was only sitting for a minute or two by then, but once he left to get me the meds, I had to stand. Again, it was that feeling of “If I don’t stand right this minute, I’m not going to be able to get up.” Getting up wasn’t easy, but I did it. 

I went back to my friends and told them, so we decided to swing by the shop to fill the script before returning home. Again, the shop is a maximum five minute drive from the hospital and my house. When I can move, I’m able to walk it in 20-30 minutes. 

But by the time we pulled up to the front of the building (it was decided to drop me off before parking the car, because the parking spots are not the widest and it was a busy spot, my back was on fire. 

I have no idea how long we sat there, but eventually I managed to kind of sideways shuffle out of the car. There was a safety pole nearby (pictured above) and I kind of fell onto it, because I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t straighten up. 

It was the end of November, so it was warm but not quite summer yet. I was wearing thin sweatpants, a long sleeved t-shirt and a light cardigan. And I felt so warm, standing there hunched over that pole and I was seeing spots again. I remember staring at the concrete floor and just wanting to lie down on it- not a thought I regularly have about a dirty floor outside. 

My friends got me a shopping cart to lean on, and we headed (well, shuffled) inside. I couldn’t do more than shuffle. I think we got about thirty feet inside? And I just couldn’t walk anymore. 

My local shops, rather than hard benches, have soft ottomans in the middle of the aisles for people to sit on (pictured above) . There was one right near us, and it looked comfy. I worked out that I could shuffle sideways with a lot less pain, so we did that while we waited for the ambulance to arrive and managed to lie on it. Which helped a lot with the pain. 

When the paramedics arrived, they gave me one of those green whistles, which has Penthrox in it (drugs. Good drugs). I’ve seen them used on those TV ambulance shows and Bondi Rescue, and I’d seen people get all relaxed and kinda high on them, so I trusted that they worked. To be honest, I don’t remember feeling much of a difference. 

But they got me onto the stretcher and then into the ambulance. Every jostle hurt my back. 

To be honest, the ER wasn’t that much more helpful this time than they’d been half an hour earlier when I’d left. I saw the same doctor, and it was clear that he still thought it was a muscle spasm. But because I could not move, they couldn’t send me home this time. 

So they gave me pain meds. Really good pain meds. 

By that night, I could gingerly roll onto my stomach, but I couldn’t get onto my hands and knees. 

There were no beds available in the ward, so they moved me to the maternity ward for the night. The best night sleep I had in the hospital, honestly. 

I feel like the story gets quite boring from here, to be honest, so I’ll sum it up pretty quick. Hospitals are very boring places. And I was in a room with people who were also in pain and made a lot of noise (I am a “suffer in silence” type for the most part). They were very concerned about my bladder (because you know, back injuries), but because I couldn’t get up to use the bathroom, their next idea was a bedpan. 

This next part may be TMI, but the point of me writing this is to demonstrate what this was like, so… yeah. Otherwise, skip this paragraph. First of all, lifting my hips to get the bedpan underneath was hell. My right hip felt like… you know when you fall asleep on your hand or something and it goes numb and you can’t move it? It was like that. Except it wasn’t numb, because I could feel it. It just didn’t want to lift when my brain told it to (For the next two months if I wanted to roll onto my left side, I had to put my hands under my right hip and physically lift it myself). The bedpan was a no-go (apparently not uncommon in people my age) so the next step was a catheter. Also super fun and not mortifying at all. 

On Monday, when I still couldn’t move, they said they’d give me an MRI the next day. So I didn’t do much on Monday. They had me on endone, which made my head all fuzzy, so I probably dozed most of the day. Maybe read (thank goodness for my Kindle app). The thing about hospitals is that it’s a very lonely place, despite you constantly being surrounded by people. And the timing of my injury (ie. the end of the school term) meant everyone I know in town was busy and burnt out, so I felt bad asking anyone to come visit me. I’d kinda hoped my parents would offer to come down and see me, but they didn’t. And to be fair, I didn’t ask them. Mostly because if they’d said anything but “yes” I would have broken down, and I was doing an excellent job (I felt at least) at holding myself together. 

Tuesday I had the MRI, and shock horror- it wasn’t a muscle spasm. It was a bulging disc, between my L5 and S1 vertebrae. Pictured here (note- the pic isn’t my actual spine, it is from Google. Because no one in the past year has ever thought I should be able to see my own injury, apparently. But it’s the same injury in the same spot). Where the black bit in between the vertebrae has bled out into the light grey bit? Yeah, it’s not supposed to do that. 

So that explained all the pain. The hospital physio came and saw me and said that this is pretty common injury, no reason I shouldn’t recover fully, but also that it could cause problems further down the line, namely if I ever get pregnant. So yeah… another reason I won’t be doing that. 

By Wednesday I was able to stand. Kind of. Slowly and it hurt, and I needed help, but the physio was able to get me on my feet briefly. The thing I learned then was that it was easier for me to get up when the bed was high, but much easier for me to get down when the bed was lower. I don’t know why, but there’s probably a reason for it. I already knew that any adjustments to the bed had to be done slowly- we learned that the hard way, after several nurses tried to help by adjusting the bed to either sitting up or lying down. I got out of hospital on Thursday, once I could stand and walk well enough that I could take care of myself at home (namely, getting up and down stairs and in and out of bed).

I had some very helpful friends from work who helped me with things at home- groceries, errands, etc. I needed help to do laundry, because I couldn’t lift the hamper, nor could I bend down to get the clothes out of the washing machine once they’d been washed and hang them out on the clothesline. Colleagues and friends who are willing to help you do laundry are the real MVPs. 

Christmas was the other worry. My family lives 3-3.5 hours from me, and Christmas is always held at my sister’s place. I’d missed Christmas in 2020 because of COVID, so the idea of missing another family Christmas wasn’t ideal. When I originally mentioned this to my parents, they said “you’ll just have to drive really slowly and take a lot of breaks. So maybe it will take you six hours instead of three.” I wasn’t keen on that idea, especially because my right leg and hip was an especially painful area. I mentioned it to my doctor, and she said “you should not be driving anywhere that far right now. As a passenger with lots of breaks, maybe. Not as a driver.”

And my parents’ response to that was “oh, well I guess we’ll have to sort something out then” and when I suggested it might just be easier for me to stay home, then guilted me for not coming home for Christmas “again”. It was eventually decided that my dad would drive down and collect me and then drive me back home after Christmas. 

I was only home for a few days, and my family also made me feel bad about how short my stay was. But, my brother and one of my sisters both live at home, so when I visit my parents I sleep on the couch in the sunroom and my brother has a dog who loves to jump on people. Neither of these things are great with a back injury. 

With a bulging disc injury, the main thing for recovery is time. Which I am not great with. I started physio on my back in January, and finished in July- at least for now. I ended up seeing a new physio for this. I’d been seeing one (for a different issue), but she went on maternity leave at the same time this happened, and her replacement… I saw her three times between leaving the hospital and Christmas, and she wouldn’t touch my back and just talked a lot about how pain was mostly in our heads and was tied to our emotions. The third time, it was a bad day and all she kept telling me was to sit with the pain and breathe through it. Screw that. 

I did a Google search and found another local physio who did remedial massage, who miraculously had an appointment free the next day. I saw her, shuffled into the room and she took one look at me and said “yep, it’s your sciatica.” She gave me a massage and at the end, I could actually walk out of the room, almost normally. She recommended another physio in the practice who could help my injury, and that’s who I saw for the next seven months. 

I wore heels for the first time in September and could have cried because it felt normal (although I was very careful). My back still gets stiff and tight a lot quicker than it did, especially if I’m sitting for long periods or walking for long periods (but it did that before too). I think I’m more just aware of it all now. 

Anyway, if there’s any point to this story beyond explaining what happened to me, it is to really appreciate your lower back and be very careful when lifting things. Trust your gut when your body tells you something isn’t right, something isn’t normal. 

[thessalian]

Thess vs Missing Bits

Well. Not doing that again if I can possibly avoid it.

Today was grocery arrival day, and as usual, I’d forgotten a few things. I could have waited, but it turned out that the bin liners I picked up on one shopping trip didn’t fit my kitchen bin (though they’re perfect for the swing bin in the bathroom, so at least they won’t go to waste). I never remember the measurements right because I’m not always great about remembering numbers, but I did remember one thing: what the last ones I got that fit looked like, and where I got them. Thankfully Sainsbury’s colour-codes its bin liners, so I figured I’d just pop out and get those, along with a couple of other things I’d forgotten about - shampoo, garlic puree, gluten-free pasta that’s not the grossness of Tesco’s version... Stuff like that.

A thought that should have occurred to me was this: a lot of people do their grocery shopping on Saturday, and the P13 is one of only two buses that stops directly in the Sainsbury’s car park. The company that operates the P13 was on strike Friday and yesterday. So it would probably make sense that everyone who would normally have done their grocery shopping yesterday would just do it today instead. Also the big Sainbury’s has rather curtailed opening hours - from 12-6pm. That tends to compress people. Summary: the place was heaving. I mean, I hate grocery shopping in person anyway - it’s painful and it’s a struggle. But the more people I have to try to manoeuvre around, the more painful and more of a struggle it is, especially when most people are being absolutely oblivious and selfish about their shopping experience - for instance, parking their trolley crossways to block the whole damn aisle.

Also it was raining and a bit cold. My pain is always worse when it’s raining and cold. So as you can imagine, I had zero fun.

Worst of all, they were out of some things I actually wanted. Thankfully not any of the things I needed? But still, things I wanted. Like mini-marshmallows for my hot chocolate, and for the potential of making gluten-free rice krispie treats. Or the gluten-free chocolate-chip cookies that only Sainsbury’s does in a way that I like. So that was depressing.

Still, at least I got all the things I needed, and some things I hadn’t thought about until I passed them in the aisle. For instance, when I need something quick to eat (because I don’t have the spoons to cook or because I need something that’s more than just a handful of peanuts to generate the spoons to cook), I tend to like ... well, essentially open-face corn thin sandwiches. Just corn thins spread with the sort of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” stuff and topped with slices of lunch meat. At least corn thins aren’t as disappointing as gluten-free bread. So I got a couple of packs of corn thins and some lunch meat, along with my pasta and garlic puree and the right size bin liners and some shampoo. And in a brilliant stroke of luck, the in-store pharmacy was actually open, so I could stock up on mallet meds - I had some at home, but this way I don’t have to go out again at least until Wednesday for my one day a week at the office (I know it’s Thursday, but the buses here are going on strike again).

I did forget fresh dill, though. I ordered some in the big shop but I guess it wasn’t available. I remembered in the queue, but the queue was massive and growing all the time and I couldn’t face more wait. I’ll go out again tomorrow. Maybe they’ll have the chocolate chip cookies and marshmallows tomorrow. If there are marshmallows, I will buy a lot of marshmallows and there will be gluten-free rice krispie treats. Yes, I do have to specify, because Kellogg’s Rice Krispies are not gluten-free because of being made with malt syrup, and thus barley. There are gluten-free alternatives, though, so that’s okay.

Oh, another unpleasant thing I’m discovering - they warned me about this in my fibromyalgia management group in the early days but I didn’t really think about it - is that yeah, like a lot of fibro sufferers, I’ve got issues with IBS. One of the things that kicks it off? Tomatoes. I did some reading because I am not giving up tomatoes - I would sooner die, and anyway, tomatoes are a base in too many of my favourite dishes (dishes that are easy to make in quantity, no less) to cut it out of my diet entirely. Turns out I should be okay if I keep to small amounts and not two or more days in a row. Plus antacids should help the worst of it. Honestly, this explain a lot, but since it’s not doing damage to my insides the way gluten apparently is, I’ll do the same workarounds I do for lactose, thanks.