#I got cognitive dissonance from watching them back to back

[xpastelsweetsx]

Hey uhhhhh Newsies/Be More Chill fandom- do we know abt the current musical Jason Tam (OBC Squip) and Ben Fankhauser (OBC David Jacobs) are in? Cause it’s a musical called “The Ghost of John McCain” with only 2 videos on their YouTube channel- one of which being a deeply emotional solo performed by Jason Tam about facing the inevitable reality of life and its purpose and the other being… uhhhhh… Ben Fankhauser in a dog collar singing about being a, and I quote, “good good good good boy”

[nicollekidman]

buffy knows spike loves her during season five. buffy knows spike loves her when she comes back and seeks comfort/silence in his presence. and as she comes back to herself and tries to make peace with the fact that she’s Here Again, she still knows he loves her. and i think part of the Big Bad Grabbing The Slayer For The Darkness routine they both cling to is that it allows them to pretend this huge thing isn’t between them so they can get what they both want (someone to stay).

and like obviously buffy cannot allow herself to believe that he loves her for many reasons, but she DOES believe it, she can’t make herself unknow it even though she tries so hard. which is partially where the breakdown with tara in 6.13 comes from because the cognitive dissonance of soulless spike loving her as if he has a soul while she is so lost within herself that the only way she can reach for him is to use him (which would be fine if he was the big bad grabbing the slayer for the darkness) which is hurting him! unfathomably! but he’s supposed to be the corruption! how can he??? any of it???

meanwhile spike has watched the woman he loves be brought back as a shell and he wants to see the light in her eyes and he can touch her now and sometimes that’s enough to make her laugh but he can’t linger in those moments or she’ll go away again! so he can play the role he needs to play so she’ll stay, as if he could keep her anywhere she didn’t want to be. as if he wants her to be in the dark instead of bringing him into the light. but how could he ask for anything more when he already got her back and he didn’t even need to kill her afterwards.

and so they hurt each other and he forgets himself and asks her if she even likes him and it’s too honest and he’s asking too much (he asks for nothing) so before she can throw her life away like it’s nothing, he puts the game face on, makes himself a target, and swallows it all. and she can’t unknow. and it would all be fine except he’s a vampire and she’s the slayer and how can he just say it like it’s nothing when she needs to beat his face in just to keep from screaming.

[khruschevshoe]

OFMD Critique: Mermen, the Gravy Basket, and Cognitive Dissonance

Warning: this is going to be a bit rambly.

So, I can't stop thinking about the end of "The Innkeeper." (OFMD 2x3, if you need the reminder.) About how I have completely different reactions to the final scene of the episode depending on who's POV/plot I'm considering it a part of.

As part of the Stede/Ed plot, and as part of Ed's personal character arc, it's masterful. The cinematography, the swelling music (and music choice, god is "This Woman's Work" a fantastic pick), the acting, the lighting, everything about it is so well done. It's a story about a man who has hit the absolute bottom of a depressive episode because he believes that love is only meant to hurt, that no love can exist without it dying, and who is pulled from the absolute Darkest Night of the Soul by the man who loves him- in the form of a merman. (I'm not going to harp on the symbolism and the perfection of choosing a mermaid, a rainbow, beautiful, queer-as-hell mermaid, as Stede's form here because others have done it so much better than I ever could.)

This final scene is PERFECT for the Stede/Ed plotline. I will give it all the props in the world for its gorgeous portrayal of the healing, divinely-coded power of queer love.

But from the crew's POV? From the end of a plot that was literally about a man spiralling and taking everyone down with him? From the POV of people who were just forced to shoot themselves, to fight to the death, to amputate limbs, who finally got to stand up to their monster after months of fear, of sobbing when Blackbeard couldn't see, of living on a knife's edge because if they put one toe out of line they'll get shot in the leg or pushed off the ship or worse?

I'm not looking at a man's rebirth; I'm looking at a villain's resurrection.

All I can feel is dread on behalf of a crew that literally just admitted to having been "living second to second" for months now. A crew that was ready to die at Zheng Yi Sao's behest because that's what they had been expecting from the man they just had to kill to survive a storm.

I can't ever fully immerse myself in the scene as I did the first time around, because I know how the crew's subplot is going to go. I know that they are going to vote Ed off the ship, finally gaining some agency, and then Stede is going let Ed back on the ship within a day with a slap on the wrist. Ed is going to give an "influencer apology" and that'll be that, because as Archie says, "they just kinda get away with these things." The crew will get no more agency in their own trauma recovery or their reactions to Blackbeard beyond Lucius' (very questionably handled) trauma recovery arc. This season is going to end with a character dying from a random gunshot wound to the side after Ed survived a CANNONBALL TO THE HEAD. (A character who, by the way, Ed put a gun in the hand of and told him to shoot himself. A man who, by the way, Ed shot in the leg, permanently disabling him. A man who, by the way, dies by apologizing to Ed for Ed tormenting him and the rest of the crew for months on end and driving them to the point that they would kill him.)

I try so hard to remain in the emotions I felt watching the merman scene the first time around, the hope I had for the Ed/Stede storyline, the hope I had for all of these characters. What I thought I was looking at was a sign of hope for all of them, the idea that they could all heal from their trauma, that everyone could experience some version of this love (whether romantic, platonic, or otherwise) for themselves.

But instead, the only other character to get a song died by the end of the season without ever getting a chance at a Gravy Basket of their own. And thus, I cannot ever feel what every possible Cinematic Cue in his scene is trying to get me to feel, because it will always, always be tainted by knowing that every one of those beautiful choices have been denied to Izzy, Jim, Archie, and Frenchie when it comes to their recovery arcs strangled before they could ever be completed.

[lint-beetle4]

Idea: Mk with an fem S/O with Spider-Man abilities! Like they’re human looking but spider powers. Like can shoot webs from thier wrist, can hold heavy stuff with its webs, spidey senses tingling, wall climbing and even web swinging! I like the idea that she could show him cool stuff about spiders. Like sure, they’re creepy and she respects his opinion/phobia on them looking but he doesn’t seem to see how cool they can be too! ( got this idea from spider man the movie ) and mk’s phobia of spiders. 👀 🕷️

Fears and Feats (MK x Spider-Man-Esque! Reader) Headcanons

MK found it so cool when you crawled on walls, but there was something irking him about it

He knew why once you showed him your webs slinging abilities

Oh, he screamed loud

MK had to step away from you for a bit, mainly to process the cognitive dissonance he was receiving at full blast

On one hand, you were so cool, like a superhero kind of cool

On the other? You were terrifying, MK hated spiders, couldn't stand to be around them

But you weren't a spider, you were human...ish

MK wished he could find you less creepy, that he could curb his phobia even a little

He asked Tang and Pigsy for the best ways to get rid of a phobia, both of them seemed to agree on exposure therapy

Sandy ended up having to guide the first actual session, because straight up handing a spider to the poor man led to him hiding in a closet for the rest of day

MK uses you partially for exposure therapy after that, seeing that while he may be afraid of your spider qualities, he knew you were a safe person who wouldn't try to hand him an actual spider

If you try to show him some cool spider things, MK will most likely back away a good distance before yelling about how cool it is

Seriously, you need to start small with him, the poor guy's been through enough

After a while, MK's hung around you enough to find spiders to be kind of cool, even if he still hated them

He goes more comfortable with you as you two spend more time, and he likes watching you crawl on walls and dragging couches and whole cars along for fun

[hanasnx]

let me probe your fabulous brain for a moment. as someone who had a serious crush on an older guy growing up, your starlet!reader oneshot with anakin as her old babysitter really tugged on my heartstrings. the way he had no idea about her feelings when she confessed, the way he admitted he liked her now, all has me wondering, what are his feelings on their past? all those times the reader hugged him or sat on his lap as a child? does he feel guilty about it? or are they fond memories? and when he looks at her now, her as an adult, does he still see the girl he used to watch for his friend?

for anyone reading this ava meant hayden not anakin**

and ur so real ava i feel like having a crush on someone older is a universal experience. i feel like i fantasized about my older crush and wished they'd sweep me off my feet even tho it'd be insanely problematic if they did LMAO

lets get into it

WARNINGS: this contains potentially triggering material, if you're easily triggered, please skip this. dead dove do not eat

the way he had no idea about her feelings when she confessed, the way he admitted he liked her now, all has me wondering, what are his feelings on their past?

definitely mixed. like those kinds of memories aren't really ones he regularly thinks about. he can recall you, and he knows your name, but he saw you as a kid he used to babysit back in the day. what would remind him of that everyday? it's something he doesn't really remember much about until he's reintroduced to you. when all those recollections come flooding back, there's a certain guilt that comes with them. not that he ever intended to see you again, or ever intended to sire any feelings within you like that. but in a way, he still can't help but feel like something's his fault, because he was the adult in the situation. having a crush on someone older is natural, but that someone-older returning those feelings years later is questionable to him. he's sure he'd look down on someone for doing the same thing he's doing right now.

all those times the reader hugged him or sat on his lap as a child? does he feel guilty about it? or are they fond memories?

there's a cognitive dissonance here, because it is both guilt and fondness. he thought you were a swell kid, he liked being around you, he didn't mind babysitting you. you made him laugh, you got his mind off the stress of working. he had fun, he thinks kids are great, and kids tend to like him. he just didn't realize how much you actually liked him, he didn't know the depth. and that's something he feels responsible for even if it was inadvertent. things that can be seen as platonic or intimate like embraces or sitting on laps, were all completely platonic for him. but once you admit you had a crush on him, it taints those memories. he wasn't trying to lead you on, or exacerbate feelings within you. you must've been so embarrassed, or worse. he never intended that. and now he feels like he's capitalizing on that. "benefiting" from it in a way.

and when he looks at her now, her as an adult, does he still see the girl he used to watch for his friend?

there was a huge gap between the girl he babysat and the woman that stands before him today. probably a decade difference, you're well into adulthood now. you look so different, act so different, i think it's easy to forget who you used to be, and who you used to be to him. you've grown into yourself. it surprises him and catches him off guard when he's reminded of that girl again. it'd be in subtle ways, like how you still have the same favorite ice cream flavor, or how you ask him jokingly if he wants to play a video game with you again like old times. just your small, inconsequential mannerisms that grew up with you. otherwise, he forgets sometimes that you were ever someone he watched for his friend.

i'm sure you and him would have a lot of long, serious talks about the implications of this relationship. it would be out of necessity, rather than curiosity, that you two are on the same page. that he's not harming you by accepting this. and it's not a laughing matter for him, even if you think it's cute to tease him about it at first.

i loved this ask!! i got to really look further into hayden's mindset on this. :D thank u ava

[mazzystar24]

I’m respectfully about to lose my mind at some of the fandom rn with the way buddie shippers are being treated… It’s like no one understands the whole point of shipping a couple is to want them to be together, so duh if something happens that could potentially lead to that pairing they’re going to get excited and theorize? Yes it’s absolutely important for Buck to explore his sexuality outside of buddie but the way people are trying to say that buddie shippers are homophobic for wanting endgame buddie….. when buddie is literally a queer ship? it doesn’t make any sense to me as a queer person myself because it’s like- y’all do realize that buck dating eddie would in fact mean that he is still bisexual, and that people have wanted thst for years, so A) why are we shocked and appalled at buddie shippers for being happy that they are one step closer to endgame buddie, B) why are we calling people homophobic or biphobic when they are quite literally shipping two men together, C) why are we all acting as if buddie endgame hasn’t been simmering just under the surface for YEARS and that if they were going to give us buddie, then thag means buck and eddie would both have to come oit as queer…

I’ve seen so many prominent blogs in the community who have made posts like “buck’s bisexuality has nothing to do with buddie and you are a horrible human for even insinuating that” and so many people are agreeing??? And not to mention the fact that now these same people are trying to villainize and trash on Eddie when in all honesty Buck’s behavior in 7x04 was NOT okay- physically harming someone because they’re not giving you attention is never okay (and i’m saying this as someone whi ADORES Buck, he still needs to be held accountable.)

It just reads very icky to me that so many people are screaming “bi pride” but then spewing all of this vitriol over a ship that would fit within Buck’s bisexuality…

It worries me that the writers are going to see this negativity from people and they’re going to just completely back-burner Eddie’s character in favor of Buck and it disappoints me because even outside of buddie, a major tv show portraying a repressed gay poc with religious and family trauma would be EQUALLY as powerful as Bi Buck is……

but i guess that’s just people only caring about the queer storylines when it’s about a white man since these are also the people acting like Hen and Karen or Michael and David haven’t been there the whole time

but that’s just me i guess….

I’m bullet pointing not to be curt by the way just because I prefer addressing part by part🫶

1. Agreed like this fandom was relatively peaceful then BAM it fully shifted overnight like in the words of Taylor swift THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS

2. Yesss exactly like I’m very much a dont yuck someone else’s yum type of person so like even ships I don’t like I’ll be like okay respect 🫡 enjoy your fandom space love that for you AS LONG AS THEYRE RESPECTFUL TOO and I’m not gonna lie to you I see the primary source of negativity and stuff in the fandom be people who legit never watched anything other than the bucktommy related content (which I kinda have a whole other rant about but I don’t wanna give you miles and miles to read in one ask)

3. Yes to that 100% - buddie is a queer ship the cognitive dissonance it takes to call someone homophobic for shipping them is honestly fascinating atp, Buck is bi canonically now and y’all do realise that who he’s with or if he’s single even doesn’t take away from that right??? Like the rep is THERE and will always be THERE

4. You worded it a bit weird but I got what you meant (I hope) so anyone who didn’t may require a little clarification, the sentiment of bucks bisexuality being separate from buddie I think is 1000% correct and I agree wholeheartedly that a persons sexuality and their journey shouldn’t be just about their love interests but about themselves as a person, the issue people are taking is that 1. The people saying this are saying it on every buddie post even when the same blogs posting it have 177283 posts talking about buck as an individual and as a bisexual man outside of buddie and bucktommy, so it’s sort of become a weaponised statement if that makes sense 2. The buddie shippers are the ones who have been advocating so hard for the show to give us canon bi buck like that’s just fact no one can deny so to the og fans who’ve been here for YEARS (I’ve only started like 2023 ish so I’m not counting myself there) this must be such a total slap in the face to be receiving so much hate now

5. Oh yeah the Eddie bashers can personally come fight me

6. If I’m 100% honest I choose to interpret the basketball injury as being mostly accidental like I think he got too into it and forgot himself and his own force for a second rather than intentionally hurt Eddie, like it so happens in sports, I think it’s like just the after guilt that made him question himself and his motives, idk that may just be me denying canon because it just felt too out of character for me to believe

7. I think the fake bi pride stuff also irks me BAD like some of these people are looking for very surface level superficial representation and if you don’t push for more and more substantial and meaningful representation then you’re gonna get constant variations of the same exact thing and these are also the same people ignoring every other queer character in 911 which is just🙃

8. Idk how much the writers take fandom into account but I constantly say like if they were to listen to fandom they’d go the route they know people wanted for years

9. YES about Eddie’s character like I made a whole post about gay and comphet Eddie and how meaningful it would be because it’s just so so unique and unprecedented

10.HAHSKDK THE CROSSED OUT PART IS WHAT I JUST SAID BUT I DIDNT READ IT GAJSKDKFM

[lucky-clover-gazette]

prince's gambit highlights & annotations

chapter 18

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

‘I ordered the section cleared,’ Damen said. Jord was intruding. At home in Akielos, he’d only have had to glance up from what he was doing and order, Leave us, and the intrusion would be gone. And he could go back to what he had been doing. To what, gloriously, he had been doing. He’d been kissing Laurent and that should not be interrupted. His eyes returned warmly, possessively to their object: Laurent looked like any young man who has been pressed against a battlement and kissed. The slight disturbance of the hair at Laurent’s nape was wonderful. His hand had lain there.

His attention swung back to the intruder. The threat that Jord posed to him was galvanising. What had happened was not going to be threatened by anything or anyone.

damen is about to laser jord to death with his eyes so he can keep kissing laurent

‘Here to warn me about the dangers of making command decisions in bed?’ Laurent said.

OUCH

‘While we compare notes on spreading for the enemy?’ said Laurent.

the fact that laurent knows he’s doing this too!!! he has convinced himself that he has control over this situation purely because it can’t last

Jord’s eyes had turned to Damen, full of bloody-mindedness. But, He is Damianos of Akielos, Jord didn’t say, though he looked strained to his limits with repulsion at what he had just seen, and the silence stretched out, thick and tangible with what lay underneath. Damen stepped forward. ‘Maybe—’

was he about to tell the truth?? like "maybe we should talk"

Damen passed a hand over his face. Everyone in the fort was coming to the section he had ordered cleared.

damen is more persistently frustrated by having his first kiss with laurent interrupted than he’d been like. getting flogged

‘Jord,’ said Laurent, ‘this is why he fucked you. This moment.’ ‘I know that,’ said Jord. ‘Orlant,’ said Laurent, ‘didn’t deserve to die alone on the sword of a self-serving aristocrat he thought was a friend.’

laurent lecturing a guy for compromising his values and integrity because he got laid, after kissing the dude who killed his brother… i mean laurent seems to think he’s still in control here, again with the cognitive dissonance thing, but still…

‘I should make you watch,’ said Laurent, ‘while he’s stripped down for every man in the troop to have him.’ Damen stepped forward. ‘You don’t mean this. You need him as a hostage.’ ‘I don’t need him continent,’ said Laurent. Laurent’s face was perfectly smooth, his blue eyes cool and untouchable. Damen felt himself recoil slightly from that callous look, the surprise of it. He realised that he had fallen out of step with Laurent at some crucial point. He wanted to send everyone away, so that he could find his way back.

damen surprised by laurent’s ability to immediately separate himself from his emotions and attractions to do stone-cold haterism… i feel like throughout the series damen is both frustrated by this and deeply attracted to it

He said, ‘If there’s to be justice for Aimeric, then let it be justice, reasonably decided, publicly applied, not the men taking matters into their own hands.’ ‘Then by all means,’ said Laurent, ‘let us have justice. Since you’re both so eager for it. Drag Aimeric away from his admirers. Bring him to me in the south tower. Let us have everything out in the open.’ ‘Yes, Your Highness.’

laurent is in a bad mood because of the interruption as well. broken out of the romantic haze, he probably wants to take out some of the anger he has with himself over kissing damen on another person who he can project his bullshit onto

‘What are you doing?’ he said. ‘When I said there should be justice for Aimeric, I meant later, not now, when you’re . . .’ He searched Laurent’s face. ‘When we . . .’ He hit a look like a wall, and the uncaring lift of golden brows. Laurent said, ‘If Jord wants to get down on his knees for Aimeric, he should know exactly who he’s crawling for.’

okay laurent now you’re projecting. everyone here is a mess.

The south tower was crowned by a platform and a parapet pierced through not with useful rectangular slits but with slim, pointed arches, because this was Vere and there must always be some flourish...

yes damen please take that extra second to talk shit about the architecture to avoid dealing with the stressful situation you’re in

He knew that expression. His sense of danger, highly attuned to Laurent’s moods, told him that Aimeric was better off downstairs with a half dozen men than he was up here with Laurent. Laurent’s lids were smooth over a cool gaze, his posture straight-backed, his fingers poised on the rim of the goblet. I kissed him, thought Damen, the idea unreal here in this small circular stone room. The warm, sweet kiss had been broken in a moment of promise: the first slight parting of lips, the hint that Laurent had been on the cusp of allowing the kiss to deepen, though his body had been singing with tension. When he closed his eyes, he felt how it might have happened: slowly, Laurent’s mouth opening, Laurent’s hands lifting hesitantly to touch his body. He would have been careful, so careful.

damen brain: oh shit laurent’s pissed off. he’s going to eviscerate that guy. but also he was so soft and sweet when we kissed and i want to get back to that because i’d treat him so well <3

‘The loving reunion,’ said Laurent.

laurent you’re so fucked up for this. deal with the fact that you just kissed your brother’s murderer and liked it, instead of antagonizing this dumbass and your friend. although is he antagonizing jord, really? he might be trying to absolve jord of his guilt, exposing aimeric for being completely unworthy of his sympathy. which, i mean, is what some part of laurent probably wants to do to damen right now—remind himself that damianos is not worthy of his own sympathy or love. these people are so messy they need a reality tv film crew

Jord made a violent move forward, and Damen felt his whole body come under strain as, instinctively, he pushed in to halt him.

i don’t know if this is a lamen hr complaint. i don’t think so. damen almost certainly disagrees with laurent for lashing out and hitting aimeric, but also, he enables it by stopping jord. but i feel like everything about this situation is acting against the employee handbook anyway so who the fuck cares

In the first burst of movement, Damen had flung Jord ungently back, then held him off in a restraining grip. Jord had gone still but the strain of muscle was still there, his breathing harsh. Laurent replaced the goblet, with exquisite precision, on the table.

it’s a little hot that laurent has himself a bodyguard who will enable his pretty (typo for petty but that works too) violence ngl

Damen heard Aimeric say, thickly, ‘You can hit me as much as you like.’ ‘Can I? I think we’re going to enjoy each other, you and I. Tell me what else I can do to you.’

so laurent didn’t know it was aimeric. since learning, do you think he’s figured out that the regent specifically has been using/abusing him? obviously he figures it out/finds out eventually, but i’m curious about this scene, esp with what he says a few paragraphs later.

also the contrast between verging-on-sweet kissy laurent and sadistic bitchy laurent is mwahhhh pacat does not like to make things simple or easy

‘Stop this,’ said Jord. ‘He’s just a boy. He’s just a boy, he’s not old enough for this, he’s scared. He thinks you’re going to wreck his family.’

aimeric is 19, laurent is 20...

Aimeric turned his bruised, bloody face to the words, in disbelief that Jord was defending him. Laurent turned to face Jord at the same time, his golden brows arching.

well there’s a parallel. laurent reacts with similar disbelief when damen demonstrates earnest devotion to him

Uneasiness swept over him as he looked from Laurent’s face to Aimeric’s, and realised suddenly and for the first time how close Laurent and Aimeric were in age. There was six months’ difference between them, at most.

that's what i'm saying!!

‘But it’s not his family he’s fighting for.’

regent has entered the chat

Like a lover, Laurent smiled and touched a stray curl, tucking it behind Aimeric’s ear. Aimeric flinched, violently, then repressed the flinch, though he wasn’t able to control his breathing. Tenderly, Laurent drew a fingertip through the blood that welled from Aimeric’s split lip. ‘Pretty face,’ said Laurent. Then his fingers dropped back to brush Aimeric’s jaw, tilting it up as though for a kiss. Aimeric made a choked sound in response to pain; the bruised flesh under Laurent’s fingers was white. ‘I bet you were a peach of a little boy. A pretty peach. How old were you when you fucked my uncle?’

do you think that’s what the regent does… yeah probably. everyone here needs so much therapy

‘Did he tell you you’d be together again, if you’d just do this one thing? Did he tell you how much he missed you?’ ‘Shut up,’ said Aimeric. ‘He was lying. He wouldn’t take you back. You’re too old.’ ‘You don’t know,’ said Aimeric. ‘Thick-voiced and rough-cheeked, you’d make him sick.’ ‘You don’t know anything—’

damen not Getting It is important to the plot but also come ON damen

‘Loves you? You paltry little upstart. I doubt he even preferred you. How long did you hold his attention? A few fucks while he was bored in the country?’ ‘You don’t know anything about us,’ said Aimeric. ‘I know he didn’t bring you to court. He left you in Fortaine. You never asked yourself why?’ ‘He didn’t want to leave me. He told me,’ said Aimeric. ‘I bet you were easy. A few compliments, a little attention, and you gave him all the naive pleasures of a country virgin in his bed. He would have found it diverting. At first. What else is there to do in Fortaine? But the novelty wore off.’ ‘No,’ said Aimeric. ‘You’re pretty enough, and you were obviously hot for it. But used goods are not appealing unless they are something worth using. And the cheap wine you drink in a backwater tavern is not the kind that you serve at your own table, given choice.’

so yeah laurent def means this. it’s not quite pure projection because it’s true, but also… is he not saying the same things to himself about finally giving in to his own attraction to damen, who is leaving him tomorrow to go be the prince again?

‘My uncle is discriminating. Not like Jord,’ said Laurent, ‘who’ll take a middle-aged man’s sloppy seconds and treat it like it’s worth something.’

that's true. sorry jord

‘You cold-blooded son of a bitch,’ Jord said to Laurent. His voice was shaky. Laurent rounded on him, deliberately. ‘And then of course,’ said Laurent, ‘there’s you.’

jord RUN

To Laurent, in the same voice, he said, ‘Calm down.’ Laurent said, ‘I wasn’t finished.’ ‘Finished what? Reducing every man in the room? Jord isn’t any kind of match for you in this mood, and you know it. Calm down.’

god i love them i love them i love them they make me insane. damen stepping in like laurent is a cat antagonizing a mouse, “i wasn’t finished” has the slightest edge of pathetic acquiescence to it, like the cat has stopped with the mouse but it’s glaring at the owner who stepped in, and damen being like “you’re too powerful sweetie you know it’s not an even match and i don’t like seeing you like this, it’s not good for you, calm down” they make me CRAZY!!!!

‘Are you going to try it with me? Or do you only take pleasure in attacking those who cannot defend themselves?’ Damen heard the hardness in his own voice.

book 1 callback! and rightfully so!

‘I don’t share your craven habit of hitting only those who cannot hit back, and take no pleasure in hurting those weaker than myself.’ Driven past reason, the words came out in his own language. Laurent, who could speak his language, stared back at him, and Damen met his eyes and did not regret his words, feeling nothing but loathing.

‘I remember the last time you were like this. You blundered so badly you gave your uncle the excuse he needed to have you stripped of your lands.’

he's riiiiiiight

Abruptly, Laurent turned away. He put the heels of his palms on the table, gripping its edge, standing with his head down, his arms stiffly braced, tension across his back. Damen watched his ribcage expand and deflate, several times. Laurent was still for a moment, then, sharply, he swept his forearm across the table, a sudden, single movement that sent gilt plates and their contents crashing to the floor. An orange rolled. Water from the pitcher dripped from the table’s edge onto the floor. He could hear the sound of Laurent’s unsteady breathing. Damen allowed the silence in the room to stretch out. He didn’t look at the wrecked table, with its spilled meats, its scattered plates and overturned, fat-bellied pitcher. He looked at the line of Laurent’s back. As he had known to send the others out, he knew not to speak. He didn’t know how much time passed. Not long enough for the tension in Laurent’s back to unwinch. Laurent spoke without turning around. His voice was unpleasantly precise. ‘What you are saying is that when I lose control, I make mistakes. My uncle knows that, of course. It would have been an amusing pleasure for him to send Aimeric to work against me, you’re right. You, with your barbaric attitudes, your brutish, domineering arrogance, are always right.’ Laurent’s hands on the table were white. ‘I remember that trip to Fortaine. He left the capital for two weeks, then sent word he was extending it to three. He said it was his business with Guion that needed more time.’ Damen took a step forward, called by the tone in Laurent’s voice. Laurent said, ‘If you want me to calm down, get out.’

the homosexual having a panic attack...

anyway laurent is also confronting the fact that he lost control with damen, leading him to make a mistake. and that the regent sent/gifted him damen hoping that would happen. hence the gtfo.

[los-ninos-tortugas]

I’d love your thoughts on…Bayverse tmnt.

This has languished in my inbox for far too long. Quite honestly I was gonna try to come up with some sort of funny meme answer to this and drew up completely blank so instead I'm gonna do sincerity,

It's... it's bad but I still kinda love it? In a weird way? These movies give me weird emotions because I did genuinely enjoy watching them but I'm also very aware that there's... Stuff going on. I've definitely taken my fair share of pot shots at these movies in the past because it's funny, But after seeing this behind the scenes video I do think there's something kind of interesting to talk about; how much thought went into this... for it to still come out pretty mid. Which probably sounds a little mean, and not for nothing I do commend the crews insistence on using a practical set and effects where they could because honestly yeah, it does look awesome. And overall I do think the movies have pretty impressive visuals and the action sequences are a lot of fun but I don't think those things can really save these movies from the weaknesses that just come out of the script itself.

Now I'm not gonna lie it's been a hot minute since I watched these movies so I'm kinda going off my memory here. Could I have taken the time to rewatch them before answering this? Probably. But I didn't so here we go.

The Turtles:

I actually don't really hate their designs? I have a very vivid memory of people making a big stink about how they looked when the first movie came out back in 2014, although back then I wasn't a fan so it all just kinda went over my head. I'm still not a fan of them having lips as opposed to beaks but that's really the only part where I kinda draw the line. I weirdly kinda liked that they tower over all the humans and that their physicality matches just how strong they are in this movie. Their first fight scene is so chaotic because you can't see them yet (again, their ability to sneak around so effectively in spite of their size also adds to the impression they make) but enemies are just flying. Karai is quickly losing control of the situation, Foot Clan grunts are getting thrown into the walls and cracking the subway tile with the force with which they're thrown. The way the scene builds the anticipation for the reveal is really well done in my opinion. Do the turtles look like teenagers? No. Absolutely not. And admittedly this did give me a little bit of cognitive dissonance because I kinda kept forgetting that they are kids with the exception of a few scenes. But they do look like mutants so points for that I guess. And it's pretty cool to see what elements from these turtles seemed to end up carrying over to Rise and Mutant Mayhem. Stuff like the tech on Donnie's shell and his glasses. Raph's bandana, and the turtles wearing more clothes overall. The fact that they're purpose made science experiments this time rather than the result of an accident. Like as much as Bayverse gets kinda treated like the black sheep of the turtle iterations it would be unfair to say it had zero influence on what came after.

These turtles in particular are also really riding the coattails of the superhero movie genre back before we all got tired of it. I feel like unlike a lot of the other iterations-- and while TMNT does kinda fall under the superhero umbrella from their comic origins they also kind of originated their own specific subgenre within that that has a very specific... TMNT-ness to it if you know what I mean (i.e. street sharks, battle toads, gargoyles if you really squint)-- these versions of the turtles are more like straight up superheroes than any other version. They're literally bulletproof, they have super strength, speed, and agility. They can survive in hostile environments that would otherwise kill normal humans- really they might as well have slapped capes on them. There's also this weird cartoony-ness to them. Like they specifically operate on cartoon logic while the rest of the world still operates on regular real world logic. It does take me out of it a bit when it does happen.

As far as personalities go (and this is where my memory gets a bit foggy so bear with me here) Raph and Donnie stand out to me the most and I think that's because they both end up being really empathetic characters. The first movie actually kinda becomes Raph's movie and he gets a lot of screentime and character development. The second movie is definitely a bit more Leo focused but I think it's split a little more evenly overall between all of them. But Raph and Donnie are definitely my favorites in this version. Leo is a bit bland in my opinion. At least compared with other versions I've seen. Maybe on another rewatch I would reassess that but for now he just seems like he's kinda there. He's the leader and that's his job. (Again, the BTS video does more to explore his personality than I think the movies really do, so it's like, how did all this thought go into this for it to still not show through?) I feel like the writers just didn't know what to do with Mikey. He gets a bit more development and character in the second movie (the line delivery on the "we aren't monsters" scene comes to mind. Real gut punch every time) but in the first one he's unfortunately just kind of annoying.

Master Splinter:

Oh is Splinter here? Coulda fooled me. I've said it before and I'll say it again, his one purpose is to provide exposition and then exit the plot as quickly as possible when he is no longer useful. Yes he gets critically injured in the first movie and I feel like it's supposed to raise the stakes- it does not. I do not care about him even a little.

April O'Neil:

Okay I'm conflicted because I love Megan Fox and I really think she tried her best with what she was given to work with. The movie almost did a good- there was kind of a weird but self aware joke about April wanting to be a real journalist and pursue more hard hitting stories but the news network very obviously hired her to put her on television to objectify her and have her do puff pieces and boost their ratings because she's attractive. And I'm like "wow that's actually some really self aware commentary on how Megan Fox has been treated by the industry and by Michael Bay in particular it's really cool that they put that in a movie produced by him- oh nevermind there it is they're objectifying her for the rest of the movie." Which is really unfortunate because the way she plays this kind of more manic and slightly unhinged version of April who is maybe not super socially aware is very funny (cue April slapping a conspiracy board and presenting it as serious evidence to her boss). I think her having a connection to the turtles pre-mutation is a pretty cool play on their origin since usually after being dropped in the sewer they cease to have any connection to the kid that bought them from the pet store. But having April and the turtles remember each other is honestly kinda sweet. (Along with the fact that she gave them their names.)

Casey Jones;

Fuck that guy. That's not Casey Jones because Casey Jones is not a goddamn cop.

Vern:

Exists.

The Bad Guys:

Eric Sacks: Okay I haven't seen anyone else point this out but it's driving me nuts. Has anyone else noticed that this guy's origin story is just The Karate Kid but if he turned out evil? Like he tells the story and I literally had to pause the movie because it blew my mind that they just Did That. I was just going "that's just the plot of The Karate Kid. He just explained the plot of The Karate Kid in this movie as his origin story, they just stole it. AND IT"S THE FUCKING JAIDEN SMITH VERSION NO LESS WTF???" Like is it just me? Am I crazy? They fucking did this earnestly and it's driving me up the goddamn wall.

The Shredder: Motivations, what are those? Crime? Money? I guess? If someone could tell me what the hell this man's actual motivations and goals were in this movie I'd appreciate it because I have no idea. This character has zero personality, I can remember zero of his lines, his costume is dope as hell. I don't understand why he's here except that maybe the writers were contractually obligated to put him in the movie. He's literally The bad guy in all the turtleverse how is he so goddamn unmemorable in this movie??? And in the second one? Sir I feel like you should have more of a reaction to finding out extradimensional aliens are real than going "Okay we work for this guy now." and then proceed to tear apart the fabric of reality for him based on like a two minute conversation. What were you hoping to get out of this arrangement, I know the movie probably said it but like everything else that has to do with the antagonists I cannot remember.

Karai: Is here. I guess. Also just way too cool with learning that mutants and aliens are a thing, never reacts to anything. I'm sure she has lines in these movies, could I tell you anything she said or anything she did that would be indicitave of her having a character or a personality? Nope. She exists to be a henchwoman and that's about it.

Bebop and Rocksteady: Probably the only memorable villains in all of these movies, and that's only because they're funny.

General Krang: Why did they even bother dude. Disappointment.

Honestly after writing this I might go rewatch these movies, because this has just reminded me that their whole deal is kind of wild to be honest. And I probably could go on even more but this has already gotten pretty long. Thanks for the ask and I'm sorry it took so so long. But it was fun to do this kind of break down, and I kinda wanna do more in the future with other tmnt stuff, idk I'll see where that goes or not.

Thanks for reading <3

[prairietrashdotcom]

eee i got tagged to do a tag game by @mrcrepsley thank you :)

im tagging: @stitchedgrave @laceandgore @r0ttdweller @cherubgore @cannibaldotcom @unfading-scrutiny but if you've already been tagged in this one or dont feel like it its cool. n if i didnt tag u please do it if you want to also.

Do you make your bed? if by make you mean pull down the duvet so it can air out, then yes. dont worry about why that is.

What's your favorite number? 3, 9, 13, 27

What is your job? i have been a sporadically employed hermit for the last four years :( i am starting college again next week though (media focused program) and theres a lot of production-like activity where i live so hopefully in the future that works out.

If you could go back to school, would you? See above, but i do sometimes wish i could go back to my uni in canada, but only if i was single so i could at least try n fuck my history prof at least once

Can you parallel park? no :(

A job you had that would surprise people? i have no idea how i am perceived on here so i dont know if it would surprise people that i've ghostwritten a book and worked as an actor in a haunted house. those were probably the least surprising answers but other than that its just bartending and baking.

Do you think aliens are real? duh.

Can you drive a manual car? i cannot drive any car but im working on it, although public transport here is just decent enough that it isnt, like, urgent.

What's your guilty pleasure? i honestly feel less ashamed of my various sexual proclivities than i do about living for TLC's Sister Wives. watching that chode get left in the dust not once, not twice, but thrice was especially delicious.

Tattoos? i have four. both of the ones on my right arm are bird themed but that was unintentional. theres a little bird on my forearm from The Garden of Earthly Delights' middle panel, and then a lawn flamingo on my right shoulder. the lawn flamingo is heavily associated in Winnipeg culture with the Transcona neighbourhood, where my mom's from and where i lived for a few years. everyone else in Winnipeg clowns on Transcona for being white trash, which is not technically incorrect but its my favourite place. On my left wrist ive got a hand with an eye in it, and then a crescent moon surrounded by clouds on my left shoulder.

Favorite color? pink, black, light blues, ive been really into brown this year.

Favorite type of music? i love music in general, any type can be good as long as the people making it care about it but 80s alternative/new wave/punk will always hit so so good for me. and vintage or alternative country. and 90s alt.

Do you like puzzles? i love doing the nyt puzzles stoned every night but i will die before i give them any money to play them.

Any phobias? someone with prior knowledge of my phobias using them to torture me

Favorite childhood sport? i did kickboxing in my teens for a lil bit n it was really fun :)

Do you talk to yourself? chronically, but only out loud if im home alone or out in public alone.

What movies do you adore? to the surprise of no one; horror, especially trashy b-horror/horror comedy. also whatever The Butcher Boy (1997) dir. Neil Jordan (i will never stop evangelizing this movie please watch it sinead o'connor plays the virgin mary) is.

Coffee or Tea? coffee 100%. i live in tea country however. sometimes its nice but objectively the 'tea' people are talking about here (Barrys vs Lyons) tastes like a hot wet paper bag unless you put 3 teaspoons of sugar in it.

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? either a palaeontologist or a goth, its hard to tell which came first. ironically my mom was much more supportive of my desire to be goth. this is the cognitive dissonance that came with being an early 2000s evangelical christian who listens to Rob Zombie and Evanescence. she eventually relaxed about jesus.

[alottamoney]

https://www.tumblr.com/alottamoney/736522637533200384/jikkrs-are-still-barging-into-tkk-tweets-if-i?source=share

In a way I kind of feel sorry for jkkers like there's no way they actually still believe jikook are a couple. There has to be quite abit of cognitive dissonance going on there. Most of the stuff they say read like fan fiction at this point. I saw one rant about all of the jikook moments this year proving how close they are and most of those were either work or involved Tae. I mean there was the lives Jk did but most of those actually made it seem like he hadn't interacted with Jimin in awhile. Now they have taken the biggest evidence of them not being a couple (entering a homophobic military as companions) and run with it as their big proof.

As much as I've gone back and forth about Taekook this year most of what we've seen from them this year has come from them actually being close and spending time together privately. And yes Jk got weird halfway through the year lol but the way he was behaving in the group live was so telling. Then Tae dropped that screenshot of them on a ft call shirtless with shades and Jk looking like he'd been crying and the fact that it was one of the last things he posted before leaving made me think yeah there's something different going on here. It also made me realize that everything that we've seen of them all these years up to the point of them leaving for the military has been consistent with them being in a closeted relationship.

Never saw what Jikookers saw, so don't know what dots they're connecting rn. Whatever floats their boat, I say.

I'll have watch that live at some point😶‍🌫️ but would you mind elaborating on that, anon?

Did it look like he cried? I try not to look at the screenshot too much, not due to the shirtlessness lol, but because it seems like a vulnerable moment, yes.

[lavenoon]

A stubborn but kinda humorous Robin stepping back into HQ after a mission (that Moon already return from, who is nervous and fidgety bc he lost sight of Robin) is suspiciously holding their side.

“So, where were-“

“So I got stabbed lmao :)” And punctuates every step they take with an “ow”

Anon I admire your determination to give an animatronic a heart attack gfhdjs

Pre-stabbing/ This is the stabbing? Dusk freezes, trying to work past the cognitive dissonance of "banter! everything fine!" and "wait. 'ouch'? stabbing?", but then he's on them. Not roughly, but insistently moves their hand away from their side, and then it's basically the stabbing comic but with the added guilt that he wasn't even there. He already blames himself in the scenario where he was there (and out of reach, whatever he may think), but without any details? Maybe with time they can convince him to take it easy on himself, but in that moment it feels like a fact that settles in his nonexistent gut - this is his fault.

And boy, is he making a fuss. They aren't taking another step on their own, he's carrying them until he absolutely has to give them up (probably when the ambulance shows up), and no one in the vicinity will miss the fact that Robin got hurt because he's just all over the place, yelling for and at higher ups to fix this, and whatever protests they have fall on deaf ears. Periodically looks down with the most desperately hopeful expression, reassures them that they'll be fine - though ironically scares them even more, because this isn't the Dusk they know

Post-stabbing? I'd like to think that Robin wouldn't be quite so blasé about it - but maybe they do try to hide it, because they don't want him to worry. Either way the freeze moment absolutely falls away, there is zero hesitation before he checks them over. Even as Robin tries to reassure him that they'll be fine, it's not that bad, the other was worse and they survived that, please don't worry - he doesn't process any of that. His thoughts are just filled with the fact that it happened again, and this time he wasn't even there. Scarily stoic but all in all does the same - picks them up, gets help, doesn't let go until he has to.

Afterwards tries to deal with the crushing guilt, neglects his own solo missions to shadow Robin (more so than he already did), and won't even lean into the rival act for a long while. He'll just be silent, and keep an eye on them, until they snap.

They don't need a babysitter - the job is high risk, they're human, things happen. They're alive, and they plan on staying that way, so why won't he go back to normal?

And this is the moment where I'm officially off the deep end, have another alt reveal.

Because Dusk breaks. They've never seen him like that. He can't cry, but he's clinging to them, on his knees, and just shaking all over as he holds them. Begs them to please let him do this - he doesn't want a third time, he can't have a third time. Every time they leave for the night he worries that he won't see them again, and he can't do anything about it because the rules prohibit them from sharing their identities and he won't cause them trouble with the higher ups, but please, in the few hours he gets, please just let him watch. Maybe - maybe for the few day shift missions they have, let Dawn watch -

Dawn?

His work partner. He should have told them ages ago, yes, it was a joke that got away from him - his counterpart, a Sun animatronic, who handles undercover intel collection. They can't miss him, really, dressed as he is -

And for Robin a few things click into place. They're frozen for a moment as they process, don't even hear Dusk still talking, and the coincidences just slot into place. And it makes sense. They don't get angry (maybe a little, but mostly at themself), and then their shoulders sag and they put their hands on his.

"Hey," they say, softer than he expects, and he quietens. Freezes when they pull down their mask, and smile.

"Let's go home, okay?"

"Home - What -"

"I didn't know I have two tenants. Sneaky, I have to admit. I thought Sun was just a private person, but I suppose I didn't see the forest for the trees."

The trembling stops, only to start back up again when he starts laughing - buries his head where he's leaning near their stomach, near those scars. Shaking with laughter when things click into place for him, too. They give him the time to process, maybe absentmindedly stroke their thumbs over his shoulders, just to show him they're there, still there.

After a bit, the laughter slowly peters out, and he lets out one of those tinny sighs, that are half an imitation of something human, and half something completely unique. Looks up at them, and just smiles.

"Home sounds good."

[candieddemon]

I watched Michael Knowles video on Hazbin Hotel so you don't have to.

I have sectioned off this post so you can just read the funny bits (in bold), there's a warning in the second paragraph, and some introductions to this in the beginning. I can't put subway surfer gameplay next to my blog but I hope this will do. I was shared a funny video about a highly religious YouTuber named Michael Knowles, which by the way no witch hunting it doesn't accomplish anything, and I found the video hilarious but I will give some warnings.

His content can be incredibly offensive. He's proud of this but despite having nearly 2 million subscribers his last videos, which he posted in the past 24 hours, all have under 60k views one of which only has 11k. Despite the whole point of being a content creator is to be likeable and make content people like I'm sure he'll complain about cancel culture being the reason he's failing any day now. That's what people like him say to justify people not liking them. I'm also making this post because, even if you're not worried about certain triggers, this dude will not get out of my recommendations. I'm legitimately considering getting a new Google account. He is completely unironic although it wasn't until I watched a couple other videos to know this. I'm not making the typical "haha I thought this was satire it's so bad" joke I mean I genuinely thought in all honesty he was satirical. His whole personality is about how he thinks he's right about everything. The first line in his YouTube bio is "Bask in the simple joys of being right". That and about leftists yada yada. He doesn't have beliefs of his own, he's just an echo. He looks and sounds like a discount Ben Shapiro and even I think that's too mean against Ben Shapiro. He has a cup with "leftists tears" on his desk. To make your whole personality about how you hate everything must be miserable. Extremely, miserable. The amount of effort this dude spends trying to claim his mentality doesn't make him miserable is incredibly telling and the cognitive dissonance to dedicate a channel to things that offend you and then to claim you do it because others get offended so easily is incredible, but back to the main subject. The video actually starts of interesting. Hazbin Hotel has inspirations from various myths and legends and this person knows a lot about them and shares some light on where Vivziepop probably got some of the plot points from (e.g. How Lilith is portrayed in Judaism). It is all down hill from here though. This is me trying to be, no pun intended, open minded and a devil's advocate.

Despite the show being rated 18+ he claims it is for children and then after he's made up in his head it's specifically made for children he gets angry because of that. He talks a bit about "hook up culture" and does not seem to understand that two people hooking up can be beneficial for both people involved. That sex between two people can be an equal exchange for them. I feel so sorry for his wife. He also goes into how demons can't love but Hazbin Hotel of course does a great job at questioning this subject. If Hell is forever it doesn't make sense. Do you humans lose free will the moment they enter heaven? They're immortal at this point eventually they'll sin so would they not go to hell or is it inevitable even if you make it into heaven you're eventually damned for eternity? Can angels do whatever an remain in the sky? In the bible Lucifer shows there's a limit to what you can do so it is possible. However, Michael Knowles usually only tackles dilemmas he has an answer to and even then they're not great answers. He talks about how Eve was considered an equal to Adam in the bible but then goes into how Eve completely submits to Adam which would not be equal. Do keep in mind he watches the opening season to episode one and that is it. The rest of the show could expose him to a few too many beliefs that he doesn't share and we can't have that. He goes into how the right is riled up, radicalism, and satanism. This was a roller coaster the first time I watched it because the first minute or two I'm like "Oh cool it's kind of educational" and then the rest I'm like "Is this some sort of dry humor I'm not picking up?". "Leftism from the beginning has been a rebellion against God".

[pumpkinmetaphor]

i'm not sure if there's any kind of ouran archive, infact i don't think i even looked at ouran fanfic too much back in my ff.net days?? i think by the time i got into ouran i started shifting to ao3 already lol. using ff.net now is just. really bad 😭 like at this point wattpad is better. how did we ever accept ff.net...... for every one Decent fic there was about 5000 poorly written unfinished fics that were so ooc it was basically like watching the author play with dolls that had the characters names stuck on them. still dear to my heart though

also im sorry but describing it as cognitive dissonance is making me cackle. like teenage kaoru can't truly decide if he loves mafia boss demon lord kyoya who would burn down the world to keep him safe 😔🔥🥀... or boring ass REAL LIFE kyoya who WOULDN'T shoot 50 evil rival mafia members without hesitation bc he asked him to. lame. boring. teenage kaoru would be so disappointed if he found out which one he ended up choosing.

"oh well. back to the better world," kaoru thinks as he pulls up the covers over his head and shoves his phone way too close to his eyes to continue his mafia angel love story. no hikaru he doesn't want dinner stop yelling.

I'm sure there's good fic on FF.net but the interface and the format are both just dragging it down. I find the wide screen very difficult to read. I don't think it used to be that wide? Also a lot of the plots are samey, especially because kyo/kao was crackship yaoi bait for anime-only fans, which lends itself to some of the ooc-ness.

But if nothing else, some of them are HILARIOUS. Like, *committed* to the bit. I read a Hika/Haru fic last year and like, no idea who these guys are but I'm obsessed with how Kyoya comes in for one appearance, about 28 chapters into a 30 chapter fic, to kick a football around with Hikaru to "talk about his feelings" and then is never heard from again. I was on the FLOOR, tears streaming down my face laughing at 2am.

God. Kaoru being like "I can fix him" (proceeds to fantasise about making him worse) is...good for him, honestly. Maybe he could convince Kyoya to dress up as a mafia boss for Halloween. Kyoya would be way too into the embezzlement and money laundering aspects of his character and less into the rest of it though.

[blugerine]

Aziraphale didn’t originally want to go back to Heaven when Metatron told him he could. It was the moment Metatron offered him to have Crowley be his right hand man that got Aziraphale to reconsider again. In my opinion of what happened in that scene following Aziraphale accepting Metatron’s offer, Aziraphale started thinking “What if I could make Heaven more like Our Side?”, and that’s why he was so desperate in trying to get Crowley to come with him. Ironically enough, Aziraphale wanting to go back to Heaven to fix it was out of love for the relationship that he and Crowley have, because “fixing Heaven” means making a better, more peaceful place for the two of them to exist. But to Crowley, he interprets this as Aziraphale choosing his abuser over their love (and he’s not incorrect in that belief but we’ll get to that in a little bit). What Crowley doesn’t notice is that, in a cruel and ironic twist of fate, Aziraphale IS actually choosing their love, but he keeps holding onto the idea of Heaven because it aligns with his innate desire to do good. So in order to mend the two (sort of like cognitive dissonance), he wants to replicate their love on Earth in Heaven in hopes that it will finally bring peace to not only their forbidden relationship, but also to all of Heaven itself.

Aziraphale’s logic makes sense here when you think of it as “hitting two bird with one stone”, but it’s just painful because he doesn’t realize he’s being manipulated by Metatron who gives him the false sense of choice. Metatron and Heaven 100% represent an abuser and an abusive household in my mind, and Aziraphale represents the victim that is torn between the unconditional love and freedom he feels when he’s with Crowley and the heavy burden of guilt he feels running away from a house like Heaven. We all say ‘that’ scene is when Crowley gets rejected by Aziraphale, but in Aziraphale’s mind, it’s him being rejected by Crowley. It’s why Aziraphale says “I forgive you” to Crowley after the kiss, because Aziraphale feels like he’s been wronged when he literally just admitted to Crowley “I’m choosing OUR love to make Heaven a better place, because I believe in the good will of Heaven, and good will is the core of what I am” and got rejected for it.

Both Crowley and Aziraphale are laying themselves the barest they’ve ever been in the series, but in the end, they both reject each other because they both misunderstood the other so. terribly. hard. And that’s why it’s so terribly painful to watch.

The best thing for the both of them to do is to actually have The Talk they’ve been avoiding for so many years, and honestly I don’t blame them, because imagine trying to unravel a millennia of abuse and the subconscious coping mechanisms and behaviorisms that came with it to the one you love the most.

This is my first ever tumblr post btw and I’m very unsure how anything works but please be kind to me, I am just. going through it with them and this show. and needed to post. somewhere. anywhere. shouting this to the void.

[alrightsnaps]

all this edwina vs. kate discourse has just reminded me how little heat anthony got. i understand his trauma and pain yadda yadda yadda, but the cognitive dissonance of his stans just get me. they insist that he wasn't a misogynistic asshole in s1 and that arc served to make him grow... how exactly? his only sign of emotional maturity came at the end of the last episode of s2. s1 arc was just made to make him fuck and it's okay if they enjoyed that, no need to try to make it deep.

right???

like i remember reading the interviews pre s2 and seeing the sneak peek and being like “oh good, maybe his s1 arc wasn't for nothing and we'll see him go through some well earned character development in his season”.

and sure it was fun watching him become undone because of kate but when you consider the damage he caused by the time he finally got his head out of his ass and proposed to kate?? it's insane how easily everyone left him off the hook

he got between two sisters, practically ruined their reputations and their relationship. he had no reason to go after edwina, he made it perfectly clear that he viewed her as interchangeable with every other debutante– he had his eyes set on “the diamond” just so that the queen would be do the picking for him.

he could have backed off when he saw edwina’s sister was the woman who'd captured his attention but he doubled down on his pursuit in spite of kate's objections. he could've backed off when he literally compromised said sister but went on and proposed instead! he could've backed down when he had a perfectly good excuse to break off the engagement after the dinner with the sheffields.

(no, kate begging him to marry edwina isn't an excuse. not an episode later anthony makes it clear that he understood very well kate's self-sacrificial nature when it comes to her family during the gazebo scene. but he couldn't see that kate’s love for her sister was clouding her logic and as the responsible one he should've tried to clear the mess he'd created rather than marry a girl whose sister he couldn't be around without going mad with lust?)

instead he humiliated edwina in front of everyone and ruined both her and kate’s reputations! and after ALL THAT he had the audacity to call kate a thorn that once removed from his and edwina’s life would allow them to be happy?! as if it's kate who turned into a dog in heat every time she was in his presence and not the other way around.

[imsailorpluto]

Island finale + ... this one isn't for the weak

Pardon my french in advance. Of course there are spoilers in here. The blog is called "I love spoilers".

One last memory of Won Miho, a smart, intelligent woman, who went to Jeju island by her father's orders to teach ethics. I loved that awesome hair and fashion sense and self-confidence, determination, strength and cool temper. And drifting demon race in pt1. It's good they brought her back in those last few minutes, at least.

Shall we do this for the old times sake? Here goes.

Island Finale, what the hell did I watch?!

Ok, let's be graceful. The series got me exhausted. Being emotionally involved isn't the best option with this one... If you haven't watched it already and love the genre, expect mess, confusion and cognitive dissonance. Or not, it's fine.

My heart goes to two greatly significant characters. I can't stop thinking about them and I'm so grateful neither of them died by the other's hand . Putting aside both actors' charm, these two characters grew on me. One of them being a deeply misunderstood vengeful killer machine. And the other, adorable goofy exorcist.

Since this two parts story finally ended, it made me think about half-demon brothers and why is it that one of them is utterly evil and beyond redemption in the eyes of our little Island community while the other one is practically absolved of all of his "sins".

Both brothers are trained killers (to be correct, abused since early childhood by Jijangjong Temple’s clan) and that's exactly what they've been doing their entire lives - committing murders. The only difference is:

One of them was lucky enough to turn into what he was supposed to become, according to plan - emotionless killer. Knife accepted him easily.

The other brother's transformation didn't go according to the plan. His feelings somehow never disappeared, pain and suffering destroyed him - he cracked under the pressure just as anyone would

First one believed that Wonjeong can give them their human lives back, his bloodthirst was ulterior motive (and I'll get to that a bit later)

The other was hypersensitive one and could see through the clan's lies. Even as broken as he was. His humanity made him trust Yeomji later on, making them both susceptable to Baek's clan manipulation

Were those two brothers really that different to begin with? Pan brought wounded Wonjeong back to the temple. After hurting her. Because he believed she could save them. By doing so he turned his back on his brother. Gungtan followed him knowing he'd get punished for it, his loyalty unmatched. While Wonjeong was living her life being trained to fulfill her destiny yet having a sense of freedom, boys were chained and starved. She would bring them food, but she never gained Gungtan's trust again - and his hunch was right. She was the end of both brothers.

If there's God in this story, then the moment Pan stabbed Wonjeong and a piece of divine crystal entered him was that God's doing. Pan gained a piece of humanity, by ending a life of a living person, accidentally or not. It never suffocated his urge to kill, but it made him more aware of all the lives taken by the lust demon and then by his own half-demon hands. That didn't make him less of a killer, but it did clear his mind of fog (which made him realise both he and Gungtan have to die in order to set themselves free), he gained control over himself and his impulse to kill - even though his yearning for Miho still made him want to kill her, let's not forget that. He is a lust demon, afterall, which does sound awfully like a vampire, but I'll let it slide.

Vampires, however, often end up killing their loved ones, unless they learn how to control their bloodthirst. I can't help but consider both of them vampires, in a way.

Boy got therapy and it (partially) worked. And everybody fell for him as if he's an angel sent from heavens and his past has been erased. That's not how it works, but fine. Fine. I'm fine with people being there for him. But something is not adding up here, there's still no sympathy for Gungtan. Why?

Ah, Gungtan, the villain. Once a boy who loved his brother so much that he gave up his own freedom/life for him. Took the beatings for bringing Wonjeong back. And turned his back on the whole human race for good. His love was the purest love they showed us, but it's not in the focus, so it's easy to run it over like it never existed. He ended up chained in the dark for years. No therapy. No nothing. Left to rot. Oh but he can't die, because he's not human. Torture lasted and lasted. Then he was set free only to be used again. Was mercy ever given to him in any way? Was he ever given any chance to become something different from what he became? Is there anything this demon-slayer knows of, other than abuse, punishment, betrayal and smell of blood? He is as self-destructive as it gets, there's no turning back from his path of soul torture. Character development inconsistencies are out there on the surface, so let's not go into that any further.

He's a hyperviligant killing tool but he can't stay indifferent towards a little girl covering his feet with her jacket. That was it for me. I couldn't care less about any other character at that point. I fell for the deeply wounded devil that he is. Completely. Why? Because I'm Bob the builder, duh. Because in the real world, where real and often horrible things happen, anyone can become a target of abuse and turn into someone like Gungtan. Often completely unaware of it. Leave out the killing and you have a very realistic character. Psychologically, it's a hell of a ride to get back up on tracks afterwards. And people think it takes a lot to become a villain, they don't have the potential, something like that can never happen to them, so why not wish death upon a fictional character who suffered more than enough for a thousand lifetimes.

I'm not buying any of the moralist-on-duty shit. Leave. Him. Alone.

I wish he could have run away that instant, somewhere, anywhere, before the Baek clan put their magic manipulation skills to work. I wish he was safe and in peace. I can't put any blame on him for what he became. And what he did. Especially since it is strongly suggested he was used like a puppet after they woke him up. His anger was used for a "greater" evil purpose. I can't help but wanting to reach out and get him the hell out of there.

Despite general opinion of the Island community and Mr. Gungtan himself, he isn't that different from his brother Pan at all. He cracked under the pressure, yet he didn't need a magical crystal fragment to sober up and help another abused child, which he wouldn't do if he had no feelings left in him. Pan believed in Wonjeong, Gungtan believed in Yeomji, but neither of those girls could help the brothers. And no matter how much they wanted to live, death was the only escape from the constant hellfire brought upon them. Gungtan needed to escape his untameable urge for revenge which led him to madness, Pan needed to escape the burden of his heavy dirty bloodthirsty soul.

May I add, Miho never sold out Pan, like Yeomji, who switched sides like a spineless creature. Yes, she's a kid and could never measure up to Miho. Her influence, if there ever was any, ended once Baek clan took over Gungtan. The same clan known for their magical manipulation skills. Gungtan's misery just doesn't stop. Once again he's nothing but a killing tool.

The brothers escaped their personal hell by ending their own lives - which is why I'm not mad about the ending. Their suffering stopped, at last. Finally. Their inner demons were swallowed by the underworld. Gungtan's little smile at the end, that sigh of relief as lust demon left his body and he was finally free, that moment was e v e r y t h i n g

But you know what else was everything? Seeing my favourite Island manhwa character coming to life on screen. Finally! Well done, cgi team, well done!

In previous life or death battle, my boy Gio almost died. Ahh, how many times I yelled at the screen for him to just stay out of other people's business but thankfully he survived it all. He is my favourite goofy guy who makes people write witty texts about him. The only priest, real or fictional, I've ever liked and will ever like. Look at this fluffball. Must. Protect. Him. (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

Thankfully, Johan survived all the battles, which weren't even his own to begin with and which lead me to believe he'd meet a tragic end sooner or later. Ah but that's the part of his charm - sticking his nose in other people's business so we never know if he'll live or not. There would be some ugly crying if something tragic actually happened to him. And just like in pt1, he was left on hold while bleeding to death. This time it was even more horrible than before.

Pan, seriously? Like "brb, let me just-". I swear, at some point this thing turned into such a grotesque show. Plot has twisted so hard it was unbearable to watch at times. But, Johan picked himself up from the brink of death, thanks to his badass powers. Amen!

Despite the fact that finale brought so much sadness to entire audience, either for the main villain's death or PanxMiho not happening in a million years (which I'll forever be grateful for), that final fight was amazing. Writers finally gave us a large portion of enjoyable action. Plus, Gungtan wasn't the end of Johan and vice versa. Honestly, that's more than generous from their part, since Gungtan's downfall was imminent and it all went downhill long time ago, anyways.

Hope they don't bring us pt3. Sorry. I'm done with the massacre of manhwa plotlines and characters. Starred actors were amazing. Talent and looks, you know, everything. Especially absolutely stunning Lee Da-hee. Craaaazy talented and amazing Sung Joon♡ But. Please. No. More. Island.

Well, with too pure for this world cutie, I conclude my thoughts. It's been fun.

Sailor Pluto wishes you a great day and more enjoyable kdrama,

Till next time, xx

P.S. If you've made it this far, wow, congratulations. It must not have been easy navigating that pile of chaos. Also, there are so many things I edited out of the "original" text, trying to keep my cool. Also, if for any reason you (dis)liked my interpretation of fictional characters of Island, my ask box is always open. (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

P.P.S. Dear gifmakers, if you want me to remove any of your GIFs from my posts, please feel free to contact me, it will be done immediately. Thank you for all your work for our little community (⁠✿⁠ ⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡⁠)