#I got DAGAN on first try!

[keztis]

my thoughts + feelings about survivor after finishing it on stream with @techniiciian and grabbing the extra databank entries for additional context.  i wrote this for my IRL friend ( hi brian ), and because i’m writing a mainly JFO!cal, i felt i owed it.

this is a long post! starts off a bit goofy but it gets more serious later down the line. i talk a little bit about everything here, and while i do criticize various main characters, please keep in mind i'm well aware much of the conflict in JS is contrived. my commentary / criticism is out of love. and, well, JS having four writers instead of JFO's one kinda forced my hand lol if you want to know my TLDR thoughts, scroll to the very end and just read the last section / three to four paragraphs.  i’ve also added large subheadings for easier navigation!

Where the game began spiraling for me: Dagan’s death.

Dagan, overall?  Wasted potential.  Jesus Christ, such wasted potential.  Was he even a bad guy???  What the hell?  ( kt, idk if you’re reading this, but i’m so, so sorry for spelling your boy’s name wrong the whole time we were chatting lmfao )

Dagan and Cal wanted the same thing, and I find it so weird how the writers refused to acknowledge that.  As the player, I feel like we kinda low-key had no fucking idea why we were fighting this dude 💀  The writing didn’t exactly make it apparent, and it didn’t help that the only direction they gave was through Cal’s dialogue repeatedly telling everyone ( us, the player ) that Dagan is bad.  Ooooh, look at how angry and violent he is!  It isn’t as though he’s confused, disorientated, and absolutely furious after waking up in an entirely different era or anything.

We learn it’s nearly 200 years later for Dagan, and now he wants Tanalorr because… that was his discovery.  This’s personal.  Okay, fair.  And then what??  Well, turns out he’s also merciless, has killed other Jedi, and experienced profound betrayal ( including from a loved one ).  A’ight, should I feel sorry for him now or—?  Yeah, he’s been through some serious trauma.  But so has Cal.  Dude, go sit in a corner and think for an hour, pal, I swear you’ll feel better.

It’s actually hilarious to me that not even more information regarding Dagan’s past helps us better understand his current motivations, and that’s entirely because his motivations are: 1) fundamentally the same as Cal’s, yet also somehow completely incompatible. 2) weak.

All jokes aside, despite everything Dagan did, he never struck me as truly irredeemable.  I genuinely believe that if he’d been given time to process everything, properly, he could have been reasoned with.  But the sad reality is he never got that chance.  Feels like the second he bled his crystal, the writers decided he was a villain—because that’s the exact point at which Cal wrote him off.

Bled your crystal? Automatic bad guy.  Can’t be saved.  Gotta kill him now.  Wow, that’s not very Jedi of… anyone. But nuance be damned!  The bitch has got to die, I guess.

Never mind the fact Dagan didn’t fall completely, so to speak; Dagan was never a Sith.  No Sith eyes, no true descent into darkness.  That alone was a dead giveaway that he was still redeemable.  But sure, let’s not even try.  Forget reasoning with him and jump straight into battle because that’s totally what Jedi do.  Fight first, ask questions later.  No negotiation, no attempts to find peace, only the immediate acceptance of the so-called “inevitable.”

Dagan and Cal should’ve joined forces to face the Empire.  That would’ve been so badass.

Then, we have Bode.

Bode, the second villain, as though this game ever needed a second villain when the first one barely got enough development.

( He should’ve been DLC.  Just saying ).

From what I’ve seen, you either hate this guy or love him.  Overall, it seems a majority land in the former camp, and that alone fascinates me.  I can’t help but feel most of those players are casual Star Wars fans, surface-level enjoyers who have seen the movies before, maybe play a game or two, and move on.  ( No shade, of course.  I’m like that with other franchises, too ).  Or they just don’t like or care for him—which is actually super valid, too. 

However, the more dedicated fans who know the universe lore in detail, Bode’s entire story—including everything from the game databanks—and still hate him for his motivations?  Yeah, I’d wager these are the same people who despise Anakin for being “whiny” and “annoying” while refusing to acknowledge his mental health / trauma(s) or the years of grooming and emotional manipulation he underwent etc. Yet they worship Vader because he’s a badass Sith lord.

Like, tell me without telling me you have the emotional capacity of a baked yam.  I’m looking at you, Survivor subreddi.t.

I might be huffing copium here, but I guess too much exposure to Reddi.t would nuke anyone’s hope for humanity.

Anyway. If the writers wanted to create an anti-villain, well, there you go.  Nailed it with Bode.

Anti-villains have noble characteristics, values, and goals, but how they strive for those goals is often questionable — or downright abhorrent. Like traditional villains, anti-villains stand in the way of the hero’s goal. But unlike a traditional “bad guy,” the anti-villain isn’t necessarily evil. — Reedsy Editorial Team

Now, I’ll admit, I know I’m biased about Bode.  The fact that they introduced a South Asian character with dark skin?  That’s huge. Asian culture has been blowing up in the West for the last couple of decades, and nobody seems to like or want to even think about the existence of dark-skinned Asians. They so often get left out of the general conversation.  I also love how Bode is big and tall instead of going with the stereotype that all South Asians are tiny and short!

NOTE: I’m East Asian ( chinese-japanese mixed ) with pale-white skin and have a brother and father with “culturally unacceptable” dark skin, so yes, I’ll openly admit I feel some type of way about seeing a man like Bode in my favorite franchise.

But if I remove my biases from the picture?  I’m sorry, but Bode isn’t the bad guy the story writers desperately wanted him to be, just like how Dagan wasn’t, either.

Same shit, different character.  They really wanted you to think Bode was a no good, rotten little son of a bastard.  Look how selfish he is!  Look how he’s willing to sacrifice everything for his daughter!  What a terrible person, right?  He’s just the worst part of this game, says Reddi.t. You know, the same Reddi.t that would die on a hill for The Last of Us and their entire story concept about a father who would do anything for his adopted daughter, even if that means dooming mankind.  But sure, let’s boil Bode down to being a blind, selfish idiot.

Sorry, sorry—okay, so, many characters fucked up multiple times in this game, but I’m pretty sure if you asked the average player about Cal’s role overall, they would be like, “he tried his best!”  And yeah, I agree to a certain extent that he did, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t also make mistakes that led him to this point.

To start, Cal sucks at communication.  No two ways about it.  And I don’t mean sucking at conversation about difficult feelings.  I’m talking about Cal’s “Crew Mentality” rendering a lack of consideration for others, such as those who have nothing to do with the Jedi Order and may not want to get dragged into a fight not their own.  Just because someone joins the Rebellion doesn’t mean they’re signing up for the Jedi cause.

For all the times the game reiterates through story beats that Cal is empathetic and merciful ( Ninth Sister & Rayvis )—and yes, I believe he is—I think he actually starts lacking in this very department after a certain point.

Let’s be real, Cal never actually talked to Bode.  No one did.  He promised Bode a safe place, hyped up the idea of a peaceful future on Tanalorr, even fantasized about it with him.  Then, right at the final stretch, Cal flipped the script and brought the most dangerous aspect into the picture: the Empire.

They could’ve talked about this, sure, and I agree it might not have gone well for obvious reasons, but I’ve seen way too many people shit on Bode’s motivations.  That, and he’s a dumbass for betraying or not fessing up.  Man, try looking at it from Bode’s point of view.

The power dynamic between them is beyond skewed.  Cal had all the cards.  He’s tucked away in a secret hidden base, surrounded by powerful allies, including a close friend and Jedi master who has the knowledge and technical skills to repair the only compass.  Meanwhile, Bode had absolutely nothing.  No leverage, no backup, no safety net.  You could argue that he has only himself to blame for the impossible position he’s in, but his story isn’t that straightforward.

We don’t even discover this until later, but Bode never wanted to work for the ISB, much less answer to Commander Denvik.  After the death of his wife, Bode was just a man desperately searching for safety where there was none.  With the Empire and the Inquisitorius closing in, there were no options left.

Yes, he willingly sought help from Denvik, an Imperial.  But how could he have known that choice would ultimately enslave him?  Denvik used the safety of his daughter and even the mystery of his wife’s murderer as a chain to constantly keep him in check.  Denvik didn’t just manipulate him, he owned him.  So, trapped and with nowhere else to go, his daughter’s safety always came first.

Bode desperately wanted an out, and Cal had become his family’s ticket to freedom.  You could tell Bode was genuinely on board with the whole idea of Tanalorr.  He believed in it.  Believed in Cal.  Right up until the final battle with Dagan, when Cal blurted out, “Maybe Dagan was right.”

Also, great.  Fantastic start, buddy.  Nothing like suddenly agreeing with the “villain” you killed five seconds ago to instantly put a guy on edge.

The same villain who just used a Force Illusion to scare the living shit out of you two with realistic visions of your worst fears, to the point where Bode even said out loud, “Please.  Tell me this is real.” He later told Cal that he saw Kata, alone, stormtroopers about to break down her door. Wouldn't you think something like this would rattle a normal guy with no apparent Force connection? There were signs both for the player and Cal. Just saying.

Alright, indulge me for a second.  Put yourself in Bode’s shoes.  You’ve been working side by side with Cal, putting in real effort, all for this one goal.  And just when you finally get there, Cal takes his share and more.

Bode expecting his fair share wasn’t unreasonable; Bode thinking the reward table wouldn’t randomly change wasn’t unreasonable.

Cal didn’t give him room; he didn’t consider Bode’s thoughts and feelings at all—yet during the evening before everything went sideways, he had the wherewithal to comment on Bode seeming troubled.

Bode even acknowledged it, saying, “You know me too well, Scrapper,” which should’ve been more than enough to raise a red flag.  Hell, Bode’s characterization in the game thus far has been positive, so why not pursue the matter?  Why stop short here?  If my friend admitted they were upset for reasons they couldn’t quite articulate, then gave me a hug—something they don’t normally do—my concern would’ve shot through the roof.

But Cal just pushes back with the same responses, aka what he wants to do.  It’s a little careless to assume everyone will be on board with what all you do, if not blissfully ignorant.  Oblivious.  Naïve.  Doesn’t matter what you call it.  Cal doesn’t follow up that night, doesn’t check up on Bode despite all the signs pointing to something being wrong.  So wrong, in fact, Cal noticed it.

In hindsight, you have to wonder how badly Bode was struggling.  He was once a Jedi Shadow, later turned Imperial spy; he’s trained for all his life to conceal himself, mask his emotions, and play whatever tailored roles necessary to survive.

It’s frustrating… but honestly, not surprising.

Cal is young.  He’s grown tremendously, but he’s still just a kid at twenty-three. And I understand he isn’t anything close to a father, so I don’t expect him to fully understand Bode’s perspective as a parent at all.

It’s the lack of trying that killed me.  You don’t have to walk miles in someone’s shoes to understand where they’re coming from.

Overall, Cal exhibited tunnel vision throughout Survivor. He obsessed. Focused on what he, alone, wanted.  Something the story harped on for about two seconds, then promptly forgot after Dagan’s death.  As if Cal wasn’t still exhibiting the same problem.

PS: After the betrayal and during the pursuit, the fact Cal screams at Bode, “We fought for that together—and you're just gonna hand it to the Empire?!” is kinda crazy when you could say the same from Bode’s point of view. They fought for that together, and Cal is just gonna hand it over to the Hidden Path.

And then there’s Merrin.

So, this part isn’t so much a critique of the story itself, but more about how I feel about her in Survivor.  That said, I’ll circle back to the story stuff in a second.  First, I’ll lay my cards on the table: Merrin was easily one of the best parts of the first game.

After beating the FO on stream with Aerielle, we kinda hoped Merrin and Cal would get together.  We were low-key pulling for it, and we’re the type who dislike seeing every movie/show/game forcing romance into picture.

However, I’ve had some issues with Merrin ( and Cal ) throughout Survivor.  Things that… didn’t sit right.  For starters: the weird push-pull dynamic between her and Cal after the first kiss.  It wasn’t just awkward; it felt uncomfortable.

Then, there’s that weird dialogue exchange in the Mantis where she essentially shat on people for uprooting their entire lives in search of something better.  She had the nerve to call them “greedy” for all their “backbreaking” labor.  And those are her words, not mine!

I remember blinking at my monitor because holy shit, five years of traveling the galaxy, growing as a person, and this is where you landed??  What the fuck is going on with some of the casual dialogue they gave her??  Hello?????

Anyway, post-betrayal Merrin.  Good lord.  The way Merrin kept pushing Cal after Bode’s betrayal was… not great.

Aboard the Mantis, after touching down on Tanalorr, Cal asks Merrin what they should do—as in what they should do with Bode afterward.  This was Cal looking for guidance; he needed guidance.  Merrin’s response was exactly what you’d expect: no-mercy mindset, to pay back in spades, and “not let them down,” as she stated in-game.  She pushed for this several times.

Hell, Merrin even yelled at him while they were running towards the temple on Tanalorr, saying Bode must pay for what he’s done, that he used fatherhood simply as an excuse for betrayal and murder.  Cal had paused, seemingly uncertain and hesitant, before reasoning that they should give Bode a second chance for Kata’s sake.

This should’ve been pressed upon, not thrown in during their short trek to the temple.  Her words should’ve weighed on his moral compass.  Vengeance, even the thought of it, should’ve slammed over his head like a hammer.

There’s a key conversation between Cal and Cere in the archive.  He asks about her connection to the Force and the dark side, and Cere openly admits she still struggles with it each day, that whenever she feels weak, she thinks of Cal and Trilla and remembers she still has a choice to do better, which gives her strength.

As they close in on the temple to confront Bode, Cal talks to Merrin about his struggle with this “strange” new side to himself ( referring to the moment with Denvik when Cal lost his temper, and Merrin questioned, “Who is this?!” ), his anger towards Bode, Cere’s words of warning—like they both somehow don’t know what the fuck the dark side of the Force looks like.

Merrin responds with, “Cere won her battle with the dark side.”  Like straight up says that verbatim; I looked it up.  Cere did not overcome her darkness, and that was explicitly told to Cal / the player.

Either Merrin made some wild-ass assumptions about her late friend or isn’t aware of how the dark side can affect a Jedi.  And she doesn’t, by the way—not completely.  Merrin uses dark magick.  The magick Nightsisters utilize is rooted in darkness.  This is canon Star Wars lore, legends included.  Of course, she would have no idea about the nuances of the Force from the lens of a Jedi.

Maybe worst of all?  The scriptwriters forgot they wrote that bit with Cere.

Merrin’s response isn’t just a bad line—it undermines her role in the conversation and comes off as somewhat manipulative, especially when it follows so closely after her insistence that they must even the score and kill Bode. It almost felt like a strange platitude, like she was trying to reassure him with a “it’s okay, this happened” kind of statement, when, well, it really isn’t.  This shouldn’t be brushed off.  It should be at the forefront of their minds.

A general lack of understanding regarding the Jedi makes the most sense, but it doesn’t make the exchange any better.  Cal was clearly scared.  Why else would he bring it up?  I like Merrin a lot, but it was odd of her to so quickly brush aside his deepest fears with an inaccurate statement about something she likely may not fully grasp.

At the end of the day, I get it.  Really, I do.  Merrin was furious and grief-stricken.  I also completely understand this “avenge the lost” perspective from a Nightsister.  But Cal isn’t a Nightsister.  Cal is a Jedi.

But he’s going to listen to Merrin.  She’s one of the last people he has left.  And at this point, Cal has been drowning in grief and anger for so long that there’s no one left to pull him to shore.  No one is able to understand him as a Jedi.  Realizing this… was sad.

I love Merrin as a character, but I don’t think she’s what Cal needs right now.  Not like this—not in this aspect.  She can say these things and even act on her emotions if she wants.  All of this is super fitting for her character and as a Nightsister, but not for Cal.  The Order may be gone, but that doesn’t change who he is and what he still believes himself to be.

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.  A Sith will never concede.

Jedi are peacekeepers.  They will always seek compromise over conflict.  

The Sith see this as weakness—but that’s the difference.  A Jedi will always choose peace over violence.  Life over death.   Mercy over vengeance.

Then, there’s Cal at the end.

Look, Bode wasn’t innocent.  He wasn’t a good man.  He murdered Cordova in cold blood, stole the compass, and led the Empire straight to Cere’s archive, an act that cost hundreds of lives.

This databank entry in the game: “As they fight through the Lucrehulk, Bode realizes his feelings for Cal are now more than an act, a revelation that is fleetingly joyous, then crushingly frustrating,” is heartbreaking to me.  Bode didn’t want to betray Cal, and he struggled with this decision alone.  There are several more enlightening databank entries, and it’s all so, so tragic.  Yet it changes nothing.

At best, Bode is an anti-villain.  At worst, he’s a heartless traitor.  And yet… I can’t shake the feeling that he deserved more in the end.

I don’t want to sound overly sympathetic towards Bode, and I’m not saying the writers should have spared him.  His death was inevitable.  But the sheer cruelty from everyone—the main protagonists included—left me utterly speechless by the end of the final battle.

You can’t corner a frightened animal and expect it not to bite you.

You can’t say “she will be safe,” “it’s over,” and “lay down your weapon” and think it won’t further alarm an already panic-stricken man.  You can’t take the one thing a man cares about more than anything else in the galaxy—his anchor, his reason for living—and hold it hostage, then act surprised when he snaps in half.

You can’t take a man’s daughter and expect him to believe you won’t use her against him.  Not after Commander Denvik.  Denvik, his former colleague and handler from the Clone Wars, who reduced Bode to an indentured servant.  Who dangled the illusion of safety—with a single condition: become a weapon for the Empire.  Serve the very beast that killed your wife.

You can’t keep using a man’s daughter as a bargaining chip without him becoming hysterical.  Yet Merrin and Cal kept pulling Kata back into the fray.  As though Bode didn’t already know the stakes.  As if he didn’t already understand this might be the day he died.

Bode didn’t want his daughter to see him die.  Yet Merrin kept dragging Kata back into the danger, instead of getting her to safety.  What an unbelievably heartless role to give her.

Aerielle asked me why Merrin would do that, provoke Bode with Kata in a way that only escalated the situation. I reasoned that maybe she was scared to leave Cal for longer than necessary.  Save the kid, then jump back into the fight.  I’ve tried being charitable about this scene, but I have no words for what came next—because Bode did exactly what Merrin and Cal had been doing with Kata throughout the fight: endangering a loved one.  In this case, Merrin.

Cal’s initial shot wasn’t lethal.  Although Bode was down, bleeding out, survival wasn’t off the table.  It’s possible he could’ve made it.  They could’ve talked.  Hell, even locked him away, forced him to face what all he had done.  But Cal took one look at Merrin, recalled all of his fear and pain, and then murdered a man.

Jedi do not seek revenge.  They don’t “avenge” the fallen.  Jedi grieve, trust in the Force—and let go.  They don’t carry anger and pain and let it fester into justification.  That is the path to the Dark Side.  That is the way of the Sith.

This is the most unbecoming behavior I’ve ever seen from Cal, and it’s so sad to see him stumble this far from where he was in Fallen Order.  I can’t believe his moral compass from five years ago is stronger than his current one.

Cal chose poorly in the end.  And he has no one—and I mean no one—to tell him otherwise.  Cere and Cordova are gone.

And yes, I’m well aware he’s deeply traumatized and lacks proper Jedi training to handle these aspects of himself.  Cere tried, but five years was not enough time, and the conditions for his training weren’t exactly ideal.

I’m not saying any of this is easy because it isn’t.  But that doesn’t make it any less painful to watch.  I understand this is part of his journey.  I just wish he hadn’t taken this road.

Because what is pain but a story of mercy?

Then, there’s the final scene.

Cal saying “I almost lost myself” after doing everything a “fallen” person would do ( blind rage, force choke, threaten murder, then actually murdering someone ) is absolutely rich.  Yeah, you fell.  Did you fall completely?  No.  You touched the dark side. Dipped your toe into the chasm and felt its instantaneous pull.

I’m pretty sure if you asked a casual player, they would say Dagan fell.  I mean, Cal himself called Dagan a fallen Jedi.  They’d probably say Bode fell, too, given everything he did.  But Cal did much of the exact same shit they had, sans bleeding his crystal.

Sorry, buddy, but you’re acting just like them, and it appears you don’t even fully realize it!  Because no matter how you hack it, Bode’s death doesn’t fall into the definition of a mercy kill!

How incredibly blinded he is by grief and loss.  He’s straying far from the path, yet he still calls himself a Jedi, even after everything he’s done.  At this point, I don’t believe his concept of a Jedi is the same anymore.  His perception of the Jedi and their ideals have been irrevocably warped by his experiences.

The way I see it, Cal’s decision to murder Bode feels akin to Anakin’s slaughter of the Tuskens.

Completely different scale of violence, I know, but hear me out: the Tuskens took Anakin’s mother, the most important person in his life at the time.  His fear and anxiety built up over months, and no one listened when he tried reaching out.  They turned him away, advised him to deal with his attachments—the supposed root cause of his trepidation and paranoia.  In his eyes, Anakin lost his mother because of their indifference, because they ignored what he knew to be true, so he snapped.

Anakin lost himself; he massacred an entire Tusken village.  Afterward? He was a sobbing, broken mess.  He sought vengeance, gave in to rage, and recognized what he’d done.

Cal murdering Bode?  He justified it.  Didn’t blink twice.  That’s what unsettles me the most.  I can’t tell if this is dogshit writing or if they’re setting him up to become a so-called Gray Jedi or whatever—but even the concept of a Gray Jedi doesn’t fit in this context.  Cal committed an objectively horrible act—and he doesn’t even recognize the cruelty of his own actions.

Falling to the dark side isn’t like stepping off a cliff.  It’s a slow descent.  It’s one step at a time, each one feeling like it’s justifiable until you’re suddenly free-falling into an abyss.

In the final scene, while standing on that cliff, Cal confesses to the Force ( or Cere ) that he’s afraid of what’s ahead.  And you know what?  I believe him.  Five years of hardship didn’t thicken his skin—it thinned it.

BONUS:  also, the writers somehow failed at writing a fucking child.  You wanna tell me this lil baby toddler cried over her mom’s death for years but didn’t shed a single tear for her father?  Must be a psychopath child then ( /j ), because holy shit, you just saw your dad get beat up and murdered in front of you, and you’re chill with it.  Even warmed up to your father’s killers within two seconds.  Okay then.  Very cool.  Nice little creepy pseudo family ya got there.  Fuck that particular part of the game.  That’s just fucking weird, man.

I love this game. I hate this game. I love this game. I hate this game.

[orienteddreamerrr]

Hello everyone!

I am BACK! How am I feeling? Better but still having some issues…I and I mean we, my family, ordered tickets for Sonic 3 so we will be seeing it next Saturday! Can NOT wait!

We haven’t put the tree up yet but we’re getting there, we have to mentally prepare ourselves…my parents haven’t done that yet…I myself is doing okay…I did restart Jedi Survivor the other day, it’s been since May so this will be my 4th or 5th play-through I believe…I am LITERALLY at the part where I am about to face off Dagan for the first time! I was actually about to fight him when my mom made me put a pause because of her “stomach issues”…whatever the fuck that is…and I am still pissed about it! I’ve never been this happy or giddy in my entire life…me…about to play against Dagan again after such a long time…but no…it got ruined...I’m not even sure if she will let me continue today…it’s a wait and see…I am going to crank up the juice though for his boss fights this time around…especially the 2nd round because I want to see him in full action…I did not do that last time!

But yeah, my mom is more controlling than usual…I seriously do not know why she has this schedule on me…this “schedule” has been happening since I finished college…it feels like she’s on my back 24/7…messing with the things that make me happy and those “things” keep me from mood swinging…she’s the cause of my mood swings…

But anyways, going off track here…I missed all of youuuu! How are you all?! Did I miss anything big? Lol…I’m pretty sure you all missed me, even if it’s just a little…I have a good amount of things to post and show you all…most of that will be on Monday…for now, today, I just want to surf around and see what y’all are up to!

But first, drama time: (lol)

I have to be honest though my week was a bit hectic…Monday my mom forced me to deep clean my room…all because I lost my ID…and guess where it was?! In the pocket of my fur vest! I thought I had lost it somewhere else…I thought it was outside somewhere out there…that still didn’t change my parent’s minds…they still wanted me to clean…and some wise words from my dad: “Your ID is replaceable but you’re not…”…those words hit me hard lol...over the course of Tuesday and Wednesday I was busy trying to keep myself mentally busy and busy still trying to find a job…most of the Office jobs are crap and those jobs are with Insurance businesses…but otherwise, I think I’m okay…

And I logged on to Sky yesterday…only 2 or 3 of my friends were online…the rest weren’t…but I was trying to do the quests and one of them was “Face the dark dragon”…flew a little too close to said dragon and it got me…lost some wing light…fell into the murky water…making it worse... and nobody was around to help me…I come back after a time and I LOSE FUCKING WING LIGHT?!?! YOU KIDDING MEEE?! Dah hell man?!?!

Sorry…

I felt like I’ve been through a lot, and it’s only been a week of me coming back…I’m glad y’all stuck around with my drama cuz I know some people cannot handle stuff like this…”It’s too much” or “Grow up, start acting like an adult”…no, that’s not how I work, sorry!

[mmuffncakes]

Genuine question. And honestly feel free to tell me that like, this is too much of an ask, but:

Have you ever thought about making a sequel or prequel to Shadow of the Mountain? Like, a prequel of Jaro's life or the story of Dagan in full? Or a sequel of the Nova Garon cult coming to find Bode and Kata since Bode didn't burn the cult down? Or does that lead into the whole aspect of exploring the story on one's own time, like you mentioned with the Tayala ask/response?

(BTW, loved the ending. So happy to see a surprise Skywalker family show up, and a wedding for Merrin!)

hiya!!!!

so i actually HAVE thought about this! but i only ever thought about a sequel, and it was about the cult coming back to haunt bode and kata and try to ruin things, but also about what happened with rayvis and such since he was also a prominent antagonist for cal's story.

however

the more i tried to think of what i could, the less and less i felt confident with it. now, i DM for horror campaigns on the occasion, and one of the things i've learned from dm-ing those is that at the end of a campaign, always imply that the evil is never truly gone, that there's always still a threat for the main characters. i do this often with each campaign: players managing to escape a haunted area but they left behind a friend who's tied to a demon that they still need to help. players managed to survive a nightmare of an island with a lighthouse that's messing with their senses but when they leave, they can still see a very real threat they faced on the horizon that they never finished with dealing. so on so forth. the ending of sotm is no different:

"When Bode turns around to head back to Rambler’s Reach, Cal sees the black void in the ground. Watches on as the very power that had kept him trapped ever since he was a child look like nothing more than a measly speck in the dirt. Watches on as the shadows tip out of the hole, trying to reach out to him. A silent plea for him to come back. To become one again. Become whole once more.

Cal clings to Bode a little tighter."

tanalorr isn't fully gone here. he's still a threat. because there's always a chance to expand out and beyond what i HAVE written already.

but even with this, i struggled with the concept of continuing the story. bode learned his lesson of knowing he can't control/learn about everything he comes in contact with. he never fully understood who tayala was before he met her, he couldn't control kata from growing up, he couldn't stop cal from his own path towards becoming a host for tanalorr. that was his lesson. we see that in the epilogue of letting kata grow up, watching her grow up, and trying to move on from the heartache of his "loss" of cal.

merrin's plot was her realizing that she couldn't have everything she wanted: she couldn't have both her connection to her fallen sisters, NOR cal's safety. if she wanted one, she had to give up on the other. and she couldn't face the loss of someone she loved again, so she chose to move on, keep alive what she could, mourn what had already passed, and find a new route for her own magic, using that of her personal experiences and love to begin a new. even with her own coven (kata being the first member). it's why she struggled so hard with the concept of killing cal: she knew she had to, but didn't want to. she had to, otherwise she breaks her connection to her sisters. and she'd had her sisters for far longer than she had cal, and she wouldn't feel the same without her magic. her own sacrifice was what lead to her eventual rebirth in her skills, by choosing her own path with the people she loves versus the tradition of keeping with her fallen sisters.

cal's plot is still the only one with loose ends. because the first thing we see of him after him regretted letting everything get this far, is when merrin releases him for the first time from the circle of her magic. so he's got loose ends with the entire cast. obviously there would still be resentment, and maybe new emotions towards people who waited so long to do something until cal got THAT bad. his story of healing has yet to be written.

and then there's rayvis and the cult. two drastically different entities that helped lead up to where the characters end up. they (along with cal) are probably the ones that i could focus on for a sequel. and each time i tried to think of how i could go about it, it always fell flat in comparison to what i had already written. rayvis finding the cult and informing them of an entire town and their different beliefs while keeping his own secret? ...ehhhh... the cult somehow finding wind of bode ending up where he's at because of, what, the traveller woman at the VERY start of chapter 1? ....eeeeeeehhhh....

like everything came up flat in my head. i couldn't craft a story that would lead to character growth with new motivations each time i thought it over.

and as far as prequels go, there were times i thought about that too. focusing on dagan gera's story, sort of. i like the allure too much of dagan's story being SO much of a mystery that it leads to questioning of how much his story is real and isn't real. and with jaro, cere, greez, etc, i feel like some of their stuff is fine the way it is. they're people who've lived here for so long. tayala? i mentioned before how i enjoy the concept of her being a mystery too. merrin has potential, but i feel as though it could be done in a single chapter. so for prequels surrounding different characters for sotm are there, but they're all more like single chapter one-offs and not a whole story.

as for the skywalker family? you can blame some of the people i've been surrounded by for bode/cal shenanigans who got me intrigued by the concept of kata/leia since they're roughly the same age. and i KNEW i wanted a wedding, and i wanted it to be mosey and merrin because they deserve that much

i hope this answered your questions!!! and then some. i sort of went off here. whoops!

[jinmukangwrites]

weep little lion man (10/14)

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Fandom: Jedi: Fallen Order / Survivor Rating: T Warnings: panic attacks, one or two gorey metaphor. Ao3 Notes: I apologize for missing last Thursday. I've had some irl things I had to focus on, and then then when I planned to upload on the weekend Iskall85 broke into my house and held me at gunpoint until I downloaded Minecraft Vault Hunters and played it. It was all against my will I swear. Anyways, welcome to the climax to the story, I hope it lives up to expectations >:3

Summary: After defeating Dagan Gera for a third and final time, the Compass ends up in Bode's hands without a scratch. He could go back to Jedha with Cal... but he's holding what he wants. He doesn't see the point in pretending any longer. He makes a split-second decision. Or: Bode's betrayal goes a bit differently.

-o0o-

Cal didn't need to ask why Bode didn't let Cal throw the muzzle himself; not that Cal wanted to of course—if he could go the rest of his life knowing that he'd never touch one of those humiliating things again, he'd die fulfilled. Regardless, he's sure even if he did ask to do the deed himself, Bode's fingers would have tightened and his posture gone stiff, a no quickly breathed out. There's been too many instances in Cal's life where people have purposely made sure he would not touch something that he's long since stopped being surprised, or offended, by it.

People know when an item is important to their emotions. It was the same when Cal was a youngling and the older Jedi would keep him away from various rooms, or when he was a Padawan aboard the Albedo Brave and troopers would hold things in the hand furthest from Cal, or after Cere first explained to Greez what psychometry was and Geez did a deep clean of the ship and stuffed several items into his quarters. He saw it when Merrin refused to let him touch her necklace for months. He saw it with the Partisans, with his old group, how personal belongings quickly got locked up somewhere Cal couldn't get into.

Bode knew he had memories attached to that muzzle, and he didn't want Cal seeing them. That was fine, Cal didn't want to see them either. Honestly, this close to escaping this planet, the last thing he needed was getting into the mind of his captor and experiencing what Bode was thinking and feeling while putting that blasted thing around Cal's jaw.

Cal doesn't need psychometry to sense Bode's overwhelming and barely disguised guilt. He doesn't want to know what can motivate a man to dehumanize someone he once called brother despite that guilt.

-o-o-o-o-

Bode's avoiding Cal like Cal's suddenly caught a new stand of the Blue Shadow Virus rather than have just gotten over a bad cold. Cal wakes up the next morning with every intention dialed in towards playing along until an opportunity to escape without being immediately missed presented itself; and he almost thought he'd have to do just that until Bode grumbled off a small list of chores and announced he was off to see if the poultry laid any eggs.

It's worrying that Bode's mood has soured so quickly while Cal was sick. If he's honest, Cal's not sure if he wants to know the cause of it or not.

Not that it matters, after about a half hour of waiting to see if Bode would suddenly come back (he doesn't), Cal decides it's about time he gets out of here. He shares a meaningful look with Kata, fighting the sudden bout of anxiety pooling acid in his stomach; shaking his hands.

"Go," she says, giving a small smile. "I'll be okay."

Cal desperately wishes he could take her with him, but that would be reckless and risky. It would already be disastrous if Bode catches him on the way to steal the Compass and the jet while alone; if he's caught taking Kata with him, he's pretty sure whatever goodwill Bode has squashed deep down would suddenly become irrelevant. If he leaves alone, Kata can lie—she can lie and say she didn't know Cal was trying to escape, and Bode would believe her. But if he takes her, he's pretty sure Bode would see that as Cal actively threatening or endangering his daughter, and capture would be replaced with murder if those day-one threats are to be believed.

Leaving Kata will also give him time. If Bode comes back and asks where he is, she can give a fake excuse until Bode gets suspicious around nightfall. Cal hasn't forgotten about Bode holding his family over his head; he's pretty sure communications off Tanalorr are still impossible and that Bode hasn't magically found a way to bypass that, but it's not a risk Cal can make. He needs to leave and find his family before Bode goes through with his threats of calling the Empire on them.

He doesn't know what he'd do if he escaped just to find Bode followed through; that the Empire had found his family and had possibly... no. That won't happen.

So he nods at her, mentally promising to do everything in his power and return for her when he has more backup and a better fighting chance against Bode. He won't leave her here, to become a prisoner of isolation and loneliness.

Before he leaves, he goes to the corridor containing the bedrooms. He doesn't enter his own room, nothing in there really belongs to him and all he needs are the clothes on his back and the lightsaber at his hip. He could probably go through Bode's room to try and find his blaster, but then he remembers that Bode gave it to him in the first place, and his gut twists a bit uncomfortably at that. Besides, going through Bode's room would mean possibly entering memories he didn't want to enter.

So, instead of either of those things, he goes to the end of the collapsed corridor and presses his bare fingers against rubble. He sees a single Jedi, her blue lightsaber blazing as she stands her ground, protecting her Padawan who had fled further into the temple; he was too young to fight in a battle like this—only thirteen and so shy and sensitive. She shouldn't have brought him here; but it was supposed to be safe from the Nihil. It was supposed to be impossible to visit unless you had a Compass. She fully supported Master Khri and Master Gerra into making this strange place a haven, a temple, a planet for Jedi, but no one could have seen those blasted Nihil coming with their blasted ships that traveled through hyperlanes in ways no one could understand.

The ground shuttered under her feet and the walls screamed through a crumbling roar. A Nihil anarchist ran towards her, screaming their meaningless selfish words beneath their monstrous mask, and she swirled her lightsaber, eager to clash. "We are all the Republic," she hissed through clenched teeth right when another explosion rippled through the temple, burying them both below merciless rubble.

Cal blinks, pulling his fingers away. He hopes that Padawan got away safely and didn't die horribly, trapped on the other side.

Cal doesn't like the similarities.

Gravel shuffles underfoot as he carefully follows the directions Kata had given him to the cave. He needs the Compass first, the jet was useless without it; and there's all the possibility Bode might spot Cal leaving with it. It's better to have the Compass first and foremost.

Eventually, he comes across the very cave Kata had described; carved into an unassuming cliff face and hidden behind tall purple bushes. Its mouth barely came up to Cal's chest, but the width was about as long as two Cal's laying foot-to-head. He pushes himself through the shrubbery, then crouches low to hobble inside. Natural light dimly illuminates the small cave, the structure itself scales significantly the second he's passed the initial lip. He's able to stand fully—though the width remains about the same—and there's a slight decline in the elevation. The depth of the cave doesn't go far at all, in fact it only takes several small steps to get to the far wall where a duffle lays innocently, abandoned and untouched.

He watches carefully for any sensors or alarms before he fully approaches the bag, heart slow but loud. He doesn't find anything, and the Force stays silent, nothing feels off or dangerous—not like the Force has warned him about Bode before. After a few moments of finding nothing, Cal bends down next to the duffle and digs his fingers into the zipper. It takes a breath to open the bag, but it's a breath soon stolen as the contents reveal themselves. He can't say he's surprised to find all those thrice-damned restraints looking back at him, but it still stuns him into falling still, doing nothing but forcing breath through his lungs and staring at the cuffs and coiled rope.

It takes him entirely too long to swallow what felt like a lump of poison. The cave walls seem to shift at the corners of his vision, and every joint becomes tense with an overwhelming urge to get out. He can feel the air pressing around him, becoming stale and thick, every instinct suddenly very instant for him to get to open air as quickly as possible before the walls collapse around him like that Jedi at the temple, or the horizon in his nightmares...

... or the tight compartment of Bode's ship.

Breathe.

Breathe.

He needs to get moving. He tries to shift away the various restraints to dig further into the bag, but his hands shake so much that nothing stays where he tries to put it. Frustrated with his own irrationally rising panic and fear, he rips his gloves off for more dexterity and grip; building up familiar mental walls to avoid falling into unwanted echoes. He can sense his own emotions raging through the restraints. Confusion, betrayal, claustrophobia, terror. He's never sensed an echo of himself before, he didn't really think those kinds of echoes were possible. He blocks the emotions from whiting out his vision and rewiring every nerve in his body; he doesn't want to test and see if he can fall into an echo of his past self, especially when he already knows exactly what he'd think and feel.

He'd like to stay in denial about his new relationship with tight spaces, thank you.

He tries not to think about it, just like how he quickly finds himself also trying not to think about how there's extra restraints in here that he doesn't recognize; particularly a collar and a handful of tranquilizers.

He finally reaches the bottom of the bag, his heart fluttering and his vision swirling. His eyes soon land on the familiar cylindrical shape of the Compass and his knees nearly collapse in relief. He reaches his hand down to grab the small device and get the kriff out of there, but his hand accidentally brushes against something small and metal.

And everything goes blindingly white.

Strings of his own consciousness have just enough time to feel terror at entering an echo of himself, just enough time to curse himself for letting the relief crack his mental walls, before vision returns and...

... and his hands aren't his own. His thoughts aren't his own. His emotions aren't his own.

This memory isn't his own.

He- Bode is standing above Cal's body. He's fueled by instinct. Impulse. Fear. Guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt-

Resolve.

Bode lifts a small communication device to his lips, almost robotically, his eyes never leaving Cal's prone body as he clicks the button that will link him through to his intended audience.

"This is a secure channel! How did you-"

-o-o-o-o-

Cal's thrown out of the vision violently at the end of it. He crumples to the ground like gravity has suddenly increased, chest heaving and the structure of his bones feeling all wrong. It's been ages since he's had such an exhausting vision, such a horrible vision that he immediately wishes he could unsee.

But he can't unsee it. He can't unhear it. The words pound through his skull over and over and over again.

"There are multiple Jedi at this location, inform the Inquisitorius at once. If Lord Vader wants Cere Junda, he'd better hurry."

Voices flood through his system; every easy lie Bode's told him, the sound of mechanical breathing and the deep eruption of a red saber, screams of his family, of his friends, of everyone and everything and the Force itself.

His own voice joins the screaming, the communication device easily snaps in his fingertips as he clenches his fists against the stone ground, sobbing and dry heaving until he throws the vile thing across the cave, bringing his hands to his hair and weeping.

He thought he knew betrayal before, but this? This feels like being pulled apart by the seams; flesh being torn from bone and nerves left bare to be flayed.

The screaming mercilessly continues, so loud and piercing he's surprised his ears aren't bleeding.

Emotions rage, realizations stabbing into him like vibroblades between each and every rib.

He called the Empire- no, he called the Inquisitorius. Darth Vader. He sent death incarnate itself to Jedha where Cere and Cordova are... where Greez, BD, and Merrin could have gone after Cal was taken. And he lied when Cal asked about their safety.

He screams again, throat painfully cracking as his brain works against him to show him images of corpses and blood on his hands. He can feel the thud of Master Tapals body sliding down to the floor; he can smell the heat of Trilla's lightsaber as he tries to slam his own down on top of her; Prauf slumping down to the rain soaked stone. He can see Gabs's face go slack and eyes unfocused. He can hear heavy, mechanical breathing cut down Trilla after she begs to be avenged. He can imagine all of this and more so easily, so unwillingly, so vividly, happening to Cere, Cordova, Greez, Merrin, BD-1, even everyone back at the saloon. It's like he's been forced back into a vision, and he's watching it all happen, red lightsabers leaving glowing yellow embers in the flesh they cut through, unable to do anything.

Clutching his skull, groaning, he stumbles to his feet as tears leak through the corners of his eyes and down the tip of his nose. The screaming isn't stopping—why isn't it stopping?!

The ground rolls under his feet, his brain stuttering like an old hyperdrive to try and figure out what his next move should be. Is it even worth grabbing the Compass anymore? Is it even worth leaving this planet?

"You keep losing people."

His mind shudders, cringing within itself as overwhelming grief, pain, hate, floods into his very soul.

"Hold the line."

He doesn't know what to do. Anguish clouds his every thought. He had refused to entertain the idea of Bode lying, and the new information has shocked him to his core, ripping away everything that makes him him and replacing it with a body that acts on instinct and heartsickness. His family is dead. He's stayed in one place for too long. He's trusted someone he shouldn't. He didn't hold the line. He's a disappointment as a Padawan and an even more worthless friend.

This is his fault.

His eyes harden as his body, as the screams, as his hatred know what to do next. The urges come naturally, and easily, and there's hardly anything left of him to try and fight them off.

He stumbles out of the cave, the light of the sun burning against the back of his neck can't compare to the rage in his heart as his hand goes to his hip and grabs the hilt of his saber.

An orange blade erupts, and the tears clear with an angry, vengeful blink.

"BODE!" He howls, his hand tightening against the blade with resolve to avenge his family and surrender to the screams urging him onwards.

He's going to kill Bode. He doesn't care what comes after.

[mrsfullbuster500]

Star Wars Jedi Fanfic Thoughts

Ok, so I’ve been playing and streaming Star Wars Jedi: Survivor over on my Twitch channel lately, and been really adoring it. I’ve already got outlines for the Reunited Sequel/Survivor Fanfic, better hurry up and write more of my Fallen Order fic at this rate. 

Gonna put the rest of the post under a keep reading since I don’t think I can fully discuss this particular idea without spoiling what I’ve played through of the main story for Jedi Survivor so far, but also bear in mind I’ve not actually finished the main story yet. So yeah, beware some Survivor spoilers below.

But in any case, like the rest of the fandom, I have been absolutely obsessed with Dagan Gera. I cannot tell you how much I love that man, even just the idea itself of a fallen High Republic Jedi is super interesting to me. 

Also, can we just address how dark it was for him, as a Jedi, to kill other Jedi before he’d even properly fallen to the darkside? Not a discovery I’d expected Cal to find about him.

I’ve been doing some thinking about Luna in regards to Dagan. I was thinking of making her a descendant of his, I’ve done some asking around and so far it seems the general consensus is that it’s not too far fetched for two related force users to sense the familial connection to each other through the force. So they’d probably just know by the time they physically meet for the first time when Cal and Luna free Dagan from the bacta tank.

I feel like it would create some interesting scenarios for her to deal with, and she’s just kinda caught in the middle between her found family in the Mantis crew and her flesh and blood ancestor. I definitely reckon that Dagan would initially try to sway her over to his side I’d also probably weave some threads in my Fallen Order fic leading up to the Survivor storyline.

What do you guys think? Do you guys like this idea? Because I’m seriously considering it, and the more I play of Survivor the more I want to go with it.

[dirthara-dalen]

So i made my newest star wars (clone wars era onward) oc in swtor after having been inspired by certain things in Jedi survivor. His name is Zayne Carson which later becomes Zayne Starwing-Nar after marrying into my other main oc's family. i'm gonna put his info under a cut just in case someone doesn't have the jedi survivor tag blocked.

Zayne was born 218 years prior to the clone wars. He is half mirialan, a quarter human and a quarter sith. This has an impact on his appearance as he is born with one amber eye one slightly glowing yellow eye. He has slightly pointed ears that he got from his father, his skin is green like his mothers but has a slightly reddish undertone.

He was given to the Jedi as an infant and after passing the initiate trials he became the padawan of Oppa Rancisis. He was a prodigy in the force and saber combat which came natural to him as he was a descendant of Scourge and Kira Carson (I love the ship). After becoming a knight at only 16 he joined the Khobo research project. He became close friends with Santari Khri who then introduced him to Dagan Gera. Zayne considered Dagan a friend but never knew if he felt the same. He was also in a relationship with another teen his age. Lane Starwing, he had meet the teen when he ha join his father on Khobo for some work they were doing for the order.

After his first visit to Tanalorr, he became fascinated by the planet. However, when the Nhili attack he was more than willing to abandon the planet when his former master ordered and evacuation. He watched as Dagan slowly fell to the dark side over his obsession with the planet. He left Khobo to help deal with the Nhili and by the time he was 18, he had achieved the rank of master for his feats against the Nhili.

He returned to Khobo after hearing rumors that Dagan had lost his mind. What he wasn't expeting was to be redirected to the moon upon leaning Khri wished to speak to him. He learned that she held one of the last working compasses and was concerned Dagan was coming for it. She was right. Zayne intercepted Dagan to try and stop him resulting a duel between them. Zayne only lost because Dagan threatened to hunt down and kill Lane. AS a result he was impaled but that didn't kill him. Drawing on the dark side of the force he held on long enough for Khri to find him. Like Dagan he was brought to Khobo where he was placed in a bacta tank. However, despite recovering rather quickly he was forgotten about due to the emergence.

Believed dead the tuner that was specially made for his location was given to Lane. Lane lamented the loss of his lover whom he had planned to marry. Instead Lane married a fellow mirialan, the couple ended up having several children on of which would go on to be the ancestor of a one Lee Shan Starwing.

Lee would eventually locate the tuner and using psychometry learned about Zayne shortly before the clone wars fully began. As a result of this Lee went and freed Zayne who was not overly happy that he had been trapped for 200 years. Despite this Zayne was accepted back into the order but he found the new order a bit lack luster. Near the end of the second year of war Zayne entered a relationship with Lee's twin brother, Sio, and his husband, Zero Nar. He does survive order 66 claiming the clones are nothing compared to fighting the Nhili.

I'm still working on his role in Fallen Order + Survivor as he is involved with both events along side Lee.

[mmuffncakes]

So, like. In Shadow of the Mountain, was Cal a chosen one? I think I got a bit confused with Rayvis's scene meeting Tanalorr for the first time. Was Tanalorr mad that he wasn't Cal? Or mad that he wasn't Aldhani?

you're very close!!

cal is actually not a chosen one. im not a super huge fan of chosen one plots (funny for a star wars fan, i know, but hear me out) as i feel like it can sometimes be sort of a cop out.

no, so, because the story of dagan gera is passed down verbally over the years, as with many oral storytelling, each person tells it differently, and thus, some information can be left out or altered all together. dagan's story is just that. an alteration of different people telling the story but the only people who actually knew what happened, are long dead and can't recount. and tanalorr, who DOES recount, only shows a glimpse.

dagan gera was a scholar. he travelled with more books than just the one of the aldhani mythos. and after hearing the tragedy of what happened in the mountains, he assumed that he could be something from any of the mythos he carried, and assumed it to be akti. when approaching what was tanalorr at the time, he misjudged. from this, tanalorr become obsessed that akti was his answer. or rather, any child of aldhani. dagan seemed to be a child of aldhani, and gave him a partial body, one that he could now freely move around in and use to reach out to other people.

but the thing is, is that dagan's body wasnt right. dagan, wasn't as susceptible to tanalorrs "guidance". [its why tanalorr says that bode could have been a good vessel. it didnt matter to tanalorr who it was, they just needed to have enough grief to listen to him and only him. peek cals "And, if he’s honest… the voice was comforting. In a way. A bunch of people all wanting to be friends with Cal."]

the raiders believed the "false prophet" statement was towards dagan gera, not themselves. which rayvis was just another stepping stone of. and rayvis took these statements and believed himself to be the correct prophet, just like his father and grandfather were. but in doing so, became too prideful, causing, yknow, the rest of it to happen.

and its why tanalorr didnt try to gain a body from rayvis either: that pride. it was going to be too hard to break down. and as far as tanalorr was aware a "child of aldhani" was what got him to the point of a half-body half-form smoke being self. so that would be what would get him further.

my whole plan with rayvis's motivation was like... "what if someone who believed themselves a prophet got the 'prophecy' wrong?" we see that with cal during chapter 8 in his rampage calling rayvis a false prophet with the influence from tanalorr.

in reality, there is no chosen one. the people who could have made a vessel for tanalorr: cal, bode, kata, merrin, mosey. but the ONLY one who listened, was cal.

thanks for the question anon!

[orienteddreamerrr]

Okay continued playing Jedi Survivor this past Saturday (finally! Took some convincing wit my mom…not sure why she’s against this...) … and lemme tell you…nothing has changed! Lol

I went through the first fight with Dagan (where I left off)…of course I had the difficulty on Jedi Grandmaster…and I’m trying to fight this man…(this game had an update recently so everything got enhanced)…I had drawn out this fight though for ONE reason…for his little dialogues…and here’s what happened…he “chuckles” only once as I’m “reacting” to his attacks (I’m being giddy about this so I think he knew already!)…he goes on complaining how I’m no “match” for him and how I’m not “strong in the Force”…and I’m like…”Okay he’s not that aggressive during this round he just complains!”…And I remember doing this on the first game with boss battles…I would try to run and run around them to see if they run after me…but for Dagan, since he is weakened during this first round…HE JUST FRACKING STANDS THERE AND WATCHES ME, AND DOES NOTHING!!! AND TRAILS AROUND…SOMETIMES SPEED-WALKING HIS WAY OVER TO ME! LMAO AHHHHHHH!!! He’s like:

Literally like Feyd! And get this…I went from 12 stems to 4 or 5 of them…I know what you’ll say but I just wanted to draw this out and experience this again…after so long…heehee! He ALMOST got me though at one point too I’m like “NO SIR! NO SIRRR!”. Anyways, I managed to save some screenshots (so far…there will be more hopefully)…saving them from the ps5 onto a USB…and connected said USB to my laptop…I had wanted digital copies of these so here yah go:

[jinmukangwrites]

weep little lion man (8/14)

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Fandom: Jedi: Fallen Order / Survivor Rating: T Warnings: implied rape/noncon (NOT INVOLVING CAL OR BODE, IT'S A VAGUE FORCE ECHO MENTION), illness, fever dreams, mentions of blood and death. Ao3 Notes: I promise this chapter isn't as heavy as it sounds. This is actually one of my favorite chapters I've written too, so I hope y'all enjoy :>

Summary: After defeating Dagan Gera for a third and final time, the Compass ends up in Bode's hands without a scratch. He could go back to Jedha with Cal... but he's holding what he wants. He doesn't see the point in pretending any longer. He makes a split-second decision. Or: Bode's betrayal goes a bit differently.

~~~°~~~

One of the advantages of being a psychometric is that Cal learnt, from a very young age, how to tell reality from unreality.

Master Tapal used to sit him down for hours and lecture him through various exercises; as rare as psychometry is, it wasn't unheard of for psychometrics to lose grasp on reality after particularly harrowing visions, sometimes going as far to forget who they are in the real world. Cal's heard horror stories of a psychometric centuries ago who was so convinced her own life was an echo of someone else to where she eventually tried to end it.

Cal desperately wished he had brought gloves with him for this mission, but Tapal had instructed him to try and refuse echoes, practice sensing vague details of the memories before touching them. He couldn't run from them forever. He had to learn to control through the Force what is shown to him, and what he ignores. He was still getting used to it, but luckily most of the echoes were small, or they weren't anything he hadn't experienced before.

Granted, Cal's had rough experiences with echoes even with the exercises. Master Tapal had done his best to keep his young Padawan away from echoes that could include death, but there are plenty of things more traumatizing and painful than death.

Cal knows this, he's experienced them.

There was one time he and his master had been called to assist on a resistance effort on some Outer Mid-Rim planet a bit too close to Hutt Space for anyone's comfort. Cal hadn't been sent to help at the front lines with his Master, but instead had been stationed to help care for the refugees. There, Cal helped plenty of people, breathing through every single memory that the brushes off their clothes, their rings, their water flasks, had tried to shove into his mind. A bandana from a man who has sobbed into it after his son died stillborn. A scuffed shoe from a woman who used to dance before her theater was destroyed by a thermal detonator.

At some point, a woman had caught Cal's attention by desperately looking for a small earring, he had nothing better to do as most of the clones had the medical stuff and the handing out supply stuff handled, so he helped her.

He found it, and the second his fingers closed around the earring his mind got ripped away, replaced by the thoughts, emotions, memories of an escaped slave. She wasn't free in this echo, however. She clutched the earring in one hand, the one her lover had given her before she was taken, as she was violated, tears streaming down her face.

The memory wasn't long, but it was violent and strong. He'd fallen to the floor during it, his knees hitting the stone hard enough to bruise the next day. Cable, a clone that had been stationed in the 13th Battalion for as long as Cal's been there, recognized the signs immediately. Cal had always suspected Master Tapal had assigned various troopers with the task of paying attention to Cal when he couldn't. When Master Tapal wasn't there, Cable always was.

He ripped the earring out of Cal's hands and returned it to the woman, gently calming her down when she assumed she had done something wrong. Then, he returned to Cal, picked him up by the arms—Cable never had memories attached to his gauntlets, they were always new, another piece of proof that Tapal had troopers specifically assigned to handle Cal, careful to the point not even their armor could distress him more. Cal knew that other troopers often teased Cable for being a shiney, despite being older than many of them—and he dragged Cal over to the corner of the supply tent and talked him through exercises to return to himself.

It wasn't as bad, mentally, as it could have been. Cal knew his name. He knew the year. He knew where he was. But even after getting his breathing under control, he could feel the hands on him. On her. The weeks following, Cal flinched at the slightest touch, then finally broke down sobbing the second Master Tapal gently initiated an intervention when the flinching got in the way of training.

There were other bad echoes. Ones of victims beat to an inch of their lives. Ones of children abused by parents. Ones of small unwanted animals tied into a bag and thrown into a river.

His nightmares had always been overflowing with horrific memories that were never really his, and after the Purge, it had only gotten worse. He couldn't avoid echoes of death, not when half the ships he scrapped had death soaked into every wall and his gloves had holes, or the tools he worked with needed dexterity his gloves wouldn't allow. One time, Prauf had to call his name five times before he responded, because Cal was dissociating, thinking his name was Sev and that he was supposed to be dead.

Master Tapal had always encouraged him to seek out happy echoes, strong echoes didn't necessarily mean only pain and suffering. Sometimes it meant love, happiness, peace.

There wasn't any of that on Bracca. Besides Prauf.

The echo he got from Cere's hallikset was probably the first genuinely peaceful echo he'd sensed in the five years after the Purge. He was so caught up in Cere's peace, her love for the instrument, that after he sensed the tune, he couldn't help but sit down and hold it like she would, strum it like she would, only blinking back to his own mind and his own body when Cere herself arrived, it took a heartbeat to dismiss the unease of being someone, and then seeing that real someone show up.

All in all, Cal's not perfect at it, but he's used to telling memories and reality apart. The past from the present. He's used to reminding himself who he is and where he was whenever his mind stubbornly tries to convince him otherwise.

There's one thing he'd never gotten the hang of, however. It's the nightmares. Telling things apart is so much easier when you're awake, but asleep it's near impossible. Sometimes, he'll wake up screaming; clarity always comes quickly but it doesn't stop how reality becomes indistinguishable when asleep. He often dreams of being someone else, or he'll dream of his Master's death, memories assaulting him the moment he's unconscious enough to not be able to tell himself they're not really happening to him.

Cal's standing on an open expanse of wet, smooth stone. Rain pours down, and he pulls his poncho hood up to cover his ears. There's nothing but horizon around him, and thunderstorm clouds to fence him in. The air reeks of electrified ozone, he feels like he's breathing soup.

"Cal," a voice calls from behind, and Cal startles. It's Bode's voice, which relieves him slightly. If anyone's in here with him, he's glad it's a friend.

He turns, but Bode isn't there.

"You're too late," A monster says instead. Large, completely covered in black, mechanical breathing louder than the pounding rain. Darth Vader's lightsaber erupts, replacing the puddles of rain in the stone with the blood of its light. "You've failed."

Cal barely has time to think about anything before his throat is grabbed through the sickening pressure of the Dark Side. He chokes, body moving forward against his will, the tips of his boots scraping through the puddles of blood, each ripple sending a distant death scream straight to his brain. He claws at his neck, desperately trying to breathe, but Darth Vader doesn't relent. He just keeps dragging Cal towards him, his lightsaber raised lazily, Cal's torso heading right towards it.

It slides easily through him, right below his ribcage, out his back. He chokes for an entirely different reason, Vader doesn't even hold his throat anymore. He can feel his blood boiling within him, the charred remains of his stomach muscles spasming, the reek of his own burning flesh filling his nostrils.

"Cal," Bode says.

Cal coughs copper, eyes wide, Vader breathing with perfect time. He can see over Vader's shoulder, his toes still barely on the ground, his body held up more by the blade than by anything else, like a bug pinned by a single needle. What he sees makes him scream. He's freezing, hacking blood, suffocating, but nothing compares to seeing Gabs, Bravo, the Twins, everyone at Ramblers Reach, Cere, Greez BD, Merrin... Prauf, Master Tapal, hundreds upon hundreds of bodies slaughtered like wild animals, like killing them wasn't a second thought.

"Cal, please," Bode continues.

Cal's shivering. He's dying. Every single body behind Vader's back is dead because of him and he knows it.

"Where were you?" Merrin groans, eyes dead, smoke rising from the hole in her chest. "Where were you?"

Darth Vader laughs, squeezing the Force around Cal's body once again. The thunder rolls, the clouds warping and approaching like Darth Vader himself is summoning them closer. The pressure is suffocating, the sounds of his friends asking him why to the tune of distant screams makes his head spin. He coughs, and coughs again, he's tangled within the power of the Dark Side, his limbs not responding like how he desperately wishes they world.

The clouds come closer, they're pressing in on him, and panic stings him like Bane Back Spider acid.

"Cal!"

The walls are closing in. He can't move. He can't breathe. His hands shake so hard, but there's nothing to grab onto but the seams of Darth Vader's armor.

Trapped. He's trapped. Trapped trapped trapped let him go, he needs to move, he can't breathe he can't breathe he can't-

"Cal wake up!"

He gasps, lungs sucking air greedily as his eyes fly open. But they're trapped in Bode's hands at the wrists, he struggles faintly, curling forward, gagging on the build-up of congestion at the back of his flaming throat. He coughs, then coughs again, whining through the agony that tears through his lungs with each hack. Bode holds him through the fit, saying something, but Cal can hardly focus on anything besides the embers that must have replaced the air, the shivers wracking his own body, the pressure in his ears.

Eventually, the fit fades, and he comes back to himself.

He's Cal. It's ten years after the Purge. He's on Tanalorr. The taste of blood is actually the taste of phlegm, the pain in his ribs isn't from a lightsaber, but from bacterial infection, his shivers are from the fever, the pressure keeping him trapped isn't from the Force or from closing in walls, but from the blankets tangled around his limbs, Bode's hands holding his wrists, he can feel blood trickle down his neck down onto his collarbone. He must have been clawing at his own neck.

He didn't even know he fell asleep.

More and more energy abandons him with every realization. The fit fades. Soon, he's sagging back, weakly tugging his arms out from Bode's hold, and thankfully he lets go. "It was just a dream," Bode says, the second Cal's returns to laying on his back, arm going up to lay across his eyes.

-o-o-o-o-

Bode swallows thickly, watching Cal as he recovers from whatever nightmare had him clawing at his own neck. He'll have to get some bacta on the cuts, he doesn't know what's under Cal's fingernails.

"How long," Cal croaks.

Bode sighs, standing up from where he'd been sitting at the edge of Cal's bed. Cal removes his arm from his eyes, wearily watching him as he bends down and grabs the damp cloth Cal had thrown off his head during his thrashing.

"About twelve hours. Your fevers only gotten worse."

"Oh."

"Whatever you have, it's moved further than a cold."

Cal snorts, then coughs.

Bode frowns. "It's not something to joke about. If we don't get your fever down..."

"I'm fine," Cal says, as if his voice didn't sound like he's replaced his vocal chords with gravel.

"You're shivering."

"I don't," he cuts off to cough, groaning, "need your opinion."

"Opinion? Cal-"

Bode stops before he can even begin the sentence as Cal turns onto his side, face away from Bode, eyes set firmly on the wall.

Frowning, Bode drops the rag into a nearby pail of water. “Look, I know you’re sick, you’re angry with me, and it seems like you just had a pretty hefty nightmare—I need you to work with me just this once. We can’t let your fever get worse.”

“Or what?” Cal asks, not turning away from the wall. Spirits, his voice sounds like volcanic ash. “You’ll lock me in here?”

This petty son of a gundark.

“You’re really going to hold a grudge right now?”

“Grudge? That’s what we’re calling it?”

Breathe in, Bode. Breathe out.

He opens his mouth to argue further, but Cal’s entire body shudders with another coughing fit, knees curling to his chest and mouth pressed into the crook of his elbows. The fit eventually passes, but Cal’s eyes are unfocused and exhausted after. He shivers.

“Just…” Bode says, when it’s clear Cal isn’t going to say anything further, “just drink some water. And keep this rag on you.”

He wrings out the rag then tosses it at Cal’s prone form, knowing Cal’s probably feeling like a cornered animal right now; restrained to his own sick body. He doesn’t want to provoke him further than what that nightmare probably did.

Cal grabs the rag, Bode doesn’t note how his hands shake.

“I’m going to try and find some rations that’ll not be too hard on your stomach, and some bacta; tell me if you start feeling worse.”

Cal grunts, but doesn’t reply any further. Bode sighs, then quickly exits the room. He needs that fever to cool down. If it doesn’t, he might be forced to leave Tanalorr to get some fever reducers. It’s not something he’d like to risk; not with Denvak probably having caught on to him. He’d have to go out of his way to a trading post a few systems out.

He’d risk it though. If it was the only thing that would make Cal better. If that fever doesn’t break by nightfall, or it gets worse, he’ll do it. He’ll make sure Cal gets better, then he’ll find out what he was doing in the forest the whole day despite knowing he was sick.

When he shuts the door behind him, he notices the soul of Kata’s shoe disappear into her room. She’s been no doubt listening in. He sighs, his stomach aching. He’s asked for this. He’s asked for Cal’s hatred; for Kata’s potential rebellion.

He just wishes it didn’t… feel so much like regret.

It would have been so much easier if he hadn’t been so stupid as to call the Inquisitorious on Jedha. He’d been working on high emotions, guilt and terror and adrenaline. If he had kept a cool head, he would have just taken Cal and left his family out of it. Then, once it became clear as it is now that Cal will find ways to destroy himself with or without the Empire, then the thought of letting Cal go back to Koboh wouldn’t seem so impossible. The decision would still be painful, but at least then, Cal wouldn’t find that his freedom came with a price.

He enters Kata’s room before going to find the food and bacta. She’s sitting on her bed, playing with her doll, pointedly not looking at him. He sits down next to her, exhaling into his hands.

“Is Cal okay?” Kata asks after a moment.

Bode squeezes his eyes, then opens them to look at her. “He’s still sick,” he answers. “I need you to do something for me.”

Her eyes light up, she sets her doll down and stares intently back at him.

“Cal’s still angry with me, I don’t think he’ll let me help him much. Maybe, he’ll let you.”

Her eyebrows scrunch together. “What do I need to do?”

“Make sure he’s drinking water. Eating. Replace the rag with new water whenever it gets too dry. Things like that.”

She considers for a moment, then bites her lip. “So you won’t apologize?”

Bode clenches his jaw for a moment. “Kata… not now, okay?”

She looks down to her doll, the bride of her nose wrinkling. “I’m sorry.”

How has everything gone so downhill in just a matter of days? He deflates, feeling exhausted to his core. “It’s alright, baby girl. How about you go keep Cal company while I get some food?”

She nods and stands up, looking entirely too eager to leave the room. Before she leaves, however, she turns towards him, fingers twisting the arm of her doll. “What happens if Cal doesn’t get better?”

Bode feels bone-deep exhaustion as he answers. “I’ll have to leave and get medicine. I’d like to avoid that if we can.”

She nods. “Okay.”

And then she patters out, leaving Bode in an empty room with his whirlwind, traitorous thoughts of shame.

-o-o-o-o-

Cal stares at the ceiling. It’s been ages since he’s been this sick, though luckily it hasn’t been ages since he’s last had a nightmare like that. Sleep always brings the death of his friends.

He needs to get off this planet. Who knows what the Empire is doing while he’s trapped here. How long will it be before they hurt more people that he loves, and he’s stuck on the other side of an abyss with no way to help? To stop it?

And then he just had to get himself sick. And contrary to Bode’s belief, he didn’t purposely make himself more sick. He’d gotten lost in thought; in emotion. He’s long since lost the ability to control his own emotions and let them pass through him like proper Jedi’s did. He doesn’t know how to healthily let the fear, the anger, the betrayal, the humiliation, just… not affect him. Whatever control he’s supposed to have shattered like everything else the second the escape pod crashed onto Bracca. He had to find other ways to control himself. Movement became his main source of output. On Bracca, he moved his fingers with the scrapper tools, blasting music so loud his thoughts were nothing but the music shouted in a language he didn’t understand. After Greez and Cere rescued him, he didn’t have his music much more, but he had BD-1 to chat his ears off. He had planets to explore. Zeffo culture to find. A mission. A purpose.

It’s easy to forget about how shattered your soul is, how aimless your existence is, when you had a purpose.

He wishes he didn’t get sick like this. It wasn’t supposed to go like this; he was supposed to play along and act happy, but his body decided to be miserable and he can barely control his mouth around Bode while feeling awful like this.

The ship. He found the ship.

He can find the compass too.

He grudgingly takes a small sip of water, ignoring the agony that slathers over his esophagus on the way down. He needs to get better, then he can go back to pretending, and he can find the compass and rid himself of this purposelessness.

The door creaks open, and he looks over with a barely contained glare only to freeze at the sight of not Bode, but Kata.

She slides into the room, shutting the door behind her, then looks him dead in the eyes.

“You can’t get better,” she says, “not today.”

[superectojazzmage]

Yeah the kyber bleeding and a lot of the way kyber is depicted in Disney stuff in general is shit compared to the original lore and I don’t know why they keep doubling down on it because as far I can tell literally nobody likes it. Bleeding especially is just dumb as shit and partly seems like a really lame attempt to shear away any potential nuance or depth or grayness in the Jedi/Sith conflict (“no morally ambiguous or non-villainous Sith ever!!! they’re all so EEEEEEEVILLL that each and every one abuses their saber crystals like big meanies!!!!”), not to mention imposing weird limitations on something that doesn’t really need it. Survivor especially highlights how dumb the concept is with Dagan, how it’s like they’re saying the color red is in and of itself evil and corrupt. It’s a really unnecessary and counterintuitive change in general.

Inquisitor lightsabers feel like one of those things that sounded good on the drawing board, but didn’t really work out like they wanted it to, but instead of getting rid of or reworking it, they just doubled down hard on trying to make it “happen”. That can be said for a lot of the Disney lore changes tbh.

I think the crossguard sabers COULD be made to work if some more thought and creativity was put into how they would function in lightsaber combat, like maybe having the crossguards be made of cortosis or beskar or something; with the former you could fuck up your opponent by using the crossguards to forcibly deactivate their saber midswing, the latter you could use the crossguards to block attacks or as a weapon, there are probably other ideas, I don’t know I’m just throwing these out there. But TFA did it in the stupidest-looking and most impractical way imaginable and subsequent stories keep aping that look for sake of synergy instead of using the more sensible/cooler variants of it that have cropped up in some stories, concept arts, and fanworks.

Tracking fobs are, again, one of those things that probably sounded better on the drawing board or made it into the final product without anybody pointing out how it didn’t make sense. Probably the latter, because it was an extremely minor detail in Mandalorian season one and basically amounted to an extremely minor plot device to get Din to Grogu so they could get the main plot started right away. Just one of those stupid little things where someone threw in something that sounded “cool and sci-fi” instead of more simple, non-universe-breaking like having the client know where target is but needing a hunter to do the legwork.

Most of the High Republic stories have actually been pretty good or at least enjoyable and in absolute fairness to Disney, that whole era of history was one of the major eras that Legends never got around to filling in beyond some vague summaries. The dumbass “lost era of technology” thing is the only major flaw with it because, as you said, why the fuck is it talked about that way when there are sitting members of the Jedi Council who lived in that time, and not just the long-lived ones like Yoda.

That being said, they might actually be planning to address that exact point as part of the plot; a big part of the story of the High Republic stuff is that the Nihil — the bad guys of that time — are massively fucking galactic society up through their campaign of terrorism that’s boosted by a type of hyperspace magic only they know how to use plus some ancient, Pre-Ruusan weapons and monsters they’ve gotten ahold of. The first major arc ends with the Nihil all but cutting the Republic off from the entire Outer Rim and forcing the Chancellor to enact major restrictions on hyperlanes that lead to economic chaos across the galaxy because of how dangerous their hyperspace magic is, with it all being implied that this conflict is partly responsible for the decaying state of the Republic by the Prequels. So, yeah, they MIGHT be actually addressing that complaint. Or maybe they just didn’t think it through/didn’t care. Either or.

Star Wars: Jedi Survivor Stuff

This is not the review. Yet. It’s coming.

Someone was nice enough to buy me Jedi Survivor and I was able to get it to run on my computer. I’m going to do a review of it, but there’s a number of things in the game that I’m not a fan of that doesn’t actually impact the game at all.

Most of these are spoilers, so I’ll be putting a spoiler down below. Mostly these are things that I dislike being introduced/retconned into Star Wars from Disney. Mostly, this is an excuse for me to bring these up now because they won’t be in my actual review. My dislike for the lore changes doesn’t hurt the game at all.

Spoilers below:

Keep reading

[jinmukangwrites]

Weep little lion man (9.5/14)

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Fandom: Jedi: Fallen Order / Survivor Rating: T Warnings: N/A Ao3 Notes: next chapter is officially the beginning of the endgame. Thank you everyone who has joined me for this story. This is the final .5 chapter.

Summary: After defeating Dagan Gera for a third and final time, the Compass ends up in Bode's hands without a scratch. He could go back to Jedha with Cal... but he's holding what he wants. He doesn't see the point in pretending any longer. He makes a split-second decision. Or: Bode's betrayal goes a bit differently.

-o0o-

Never in Merrin's life has she been so glad to have so many friends willing to take charge. So many friends that knew how to make quick and effective plans on the fly; allowing her to set her mind on autopilot and simply do as Cere or Cordova tells her to.

They can worry about the specifics, the details, the intricate strands of unwoven tapestries, and she can just work.

"Merrin, can you help find Zee a way up this cliff?"

"Merrin, I need assistance moving some equipment from the smuggler tunnels."

"Hey witch, keep an eye on Caij for me, will you?"

She does everything anybody (except Caij, though the questionable woman never requests anything anyways) asks, because she's happy to help and she's a creature of action. Having a set of instructions and a task at hand helps her keep useful and productive even though she's no good at knowing the history of ancient Jedi civilizations, nor is she much of a use for putting together technology which will make it possible to traverse an un-traversable and chaotic plume of abyss in space.

She at least also got to protect Rambler's Reach from vengeful raiders and even the occasional troupe of Imperial invaders. She knew that she could do the leg-work, she enjoys the leg work. She had spent so long alone on Dathomir, desperately trying to cling to control as the forces of the universe did everything in its power to rip it away from her. Finding Cal... all those years ago... It gave her a greater purpose other than control. He helped her move on and focus on doing something. Let someone else be in charge, let the legacy of her sisters and mother not weigh her down so hard.

Helping Cere and Zee explore old Jedi chambers and temples, helping Cordova build a way to track through the abyss, even just keeping Caij in her sights, it made her feel like she was helping build progress on finally rescuing Cal and figuring out what exactly Bode's problem was. Singe the hairs of his eyebrows while she's at it.

Once Cere found a breakthrough in the mysterious Arrays, once Cordova managed to find a weak and unstable signal on Cal, Merrin couldn't help but think it took the Galaxy long enough to turn in their favor.

"So what's the plan?" She asks, folding her arms across her chest as Cere explains that activating the final Array just outside the Reach would make a temporary safe path through the abyss.

"Merrin, you'll get Zee to the array," Cere explains, her face calm but her voice twinging with undisguisable excitement. "Activate it, and join us on the Mantis. We should have just enough time to fly through the abyss, and with Master Cordova's work on the bounty puck, we'll know where to find Cal."

"Well," Caij says, leaning against the center console of the Mantis, Merrin narrows her eyes at the 'former' bounty hunter. "What are we waiting for?"

-o-o-o-o-

Getting Zee into the final array and getting herself back onto the Mantis was... concerningly uneventful. She thinks most people would celebrate things going easy, but things never went something as simple as easy when involving Cal. Too many things going exactly as planned couldn't mean anything good. Luck and karma didn't work that way for her family.

She kept her worries to herself, however, because if she were asked what was worrying her she wouldn't even be able to explain it. The Mantis hummed perfectly as ever as Greez lifted the old thing up and toward the Koboh atmosphere. The seats were comfortable. BD didn't leak oil. The array stayed lit like a beacon. Caij didn't suddenly get yellow eyes and cut down her family.

Geez punches it towards the triangle puncture going through the abyss, hands only shaking a little, but pure determination kept his flying steady. Silence filtered around the crew (and Caij) as star speckled black space turned into swirls of pink, purple, and blue. It looks like something only a child could draw with those glitter markers she saw once on Coruscant. It feels like flying into the heart of a supernova.

That feeling of something about to go wrong lingers. She can barely restrain herself from fidgeting as she stands behind Geez's pilot chair. She forces herself to look dead ahead at the carved path before them, a squeezing sensation wrapping around her heart.

"The path is getting thinner," Cere says, and Merrin closes her eyes for just a moment to breathe.

The array is shutting itself off, and they're already too far in to turn back. They need to go faster, onward, or they'll lose themselves here.

Cere grabs onto the hyperspace controls, ignores Geez's panicked shouting, and closes her eyes.

Something has finally made itself complicated; and while it seems Cere is about to initiate a solution, Merrin can't help but find a little comfort in the tides turning into currents. Deep down, she knows this will only be the first of many problems, but at least now it's familiar.

"Now!" Cere shouts, mostly to herself, and flicks the switch.

Geez screams, Caij swears, Cordova calmly breathes a visible breath, BD clutches into Merrin's shoulder, and Cere looks dead ahead at the streaks of hyperspace. Merrin... Merrin doesn't know what she does. Everything gets so loud and so real in her brain where if her physical body does anything, it wasn't her consciously controlling it.

She trusts Cere, but she doesn't trust fate. They'll get through this, but whatever is waiting on the other side is promised to be a thousand times worse.

Hold on, Cal, her brain desperately screams, it's almost over.

-o-o-o-o-

With a flash, the empty space above Koboh suddenly finds itself filled.

The pilot, sitting alone within the cockpit that used to belong to his father, frowns beneath his helmet as the signal he had just been tracking suddenly disappears.

He reaches for the puck, moving his gauntleted hands over the small FOB and checking to see if there's a loose wire or something else as temporarily inconvenient. He can't find anything wrong with the tool, which means something else had caused the signal to suddenly disconnect.

A flash of light, and he blinks ahead at a strange cluster of space dust that's settled itself as near to the planet as a moon would. Three beams of light tear through the center of the plumage, though one is in the process of going out.

The bounty hunter glances back at the tracking puck and quickly checks the last known coordinates of his target. He's almost not surprised that they point him directly towards the mysterious abyss.

The third beam gives a final, violent shudder, then flickers out in a blaze of glory. Whatever path it has carved, it's gone now, and so is Caij Vanda.

Only at a slight loss, he bites his lip and looks down at Koboh. He can't give up on his target, not quite yet, and perhaps wherever that broken beam had come from, there will also be someone who knows what the point of it was, and if his target is dead or not.

He has enough of a reputation that simply confirming a death will get most contractors good faith. He can still get paid here, and then he can move on to other bounties with no sleep lost. Bigger bounties, maybe that red-hot one the Empire just tripled.

Turning Slave 1 towards Koboh, Boba Fett makes preparations for landing.

[jinmukangwrites]

weep little lion man (4/14)

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Fandom: Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order/Survivor Rating: T Warnings: Unreliable Narrator, Drama Queens™ Ao3 Notes: sorry for being a week late posting this on Tumblr. Formatting fanfiction on Tumblr is. So. Annoying. So, just know that I always prioritize uploading things on AO3 first, which just got chapter 5 of this fic uploaded this morning. I'll upload chapter 5 on Tumblr later, probably Sunday to give a few days between posts. Until then, please enjoy this chapter <3

Summary: After defeating Dagan Gera for a third and final time, the Compass ends up in Bode's hands without a scratch. He could go back to Jedha with Cal... but he's holding what he wants. He doesn't see the point in pretending any longer. He makes a split-second decision. Or: Bode's betrayal goes a bit differently.

~~~°~~~

The walk back to the old Jedi ruins is an awkward one.

Cal feels emotionally tied up; bent and squeezed in all sorts of directions. Walking with, even at a few steps distance, a man who's betrayed him so deeply and personally feels... degrading.

Honestly, how is he supposed to react to this? There's no Jedi handbook that tells you how to react when your former best friend betrays you, kidnaps you, and forces you to live on an inescapable planet. Sure, maybe Master Yoda would have had something wise to say, but Cal's on his own. All he knows is that fighting Bode wouldn't accomplish anything. At least he has the comfort of knowing he's the only one victimized here. His family is safe, and they will continue to be as long as Cal doesn't threaten a little girl which he definitely doesn't plan on doing even if the hanging threat wasn't there.

Cal can deal with that. He can function knowing this only hurts him. He can walk with his captor back to where they'll be staying, untied and in fresh clothes, and not feel the need to pull his lightsaber out. In fact, given time, Cal's almost willing to forgive Bode. If anyone understands what it's like to be desperate, it's Cal. If anyone understands what it's like to be obsessive, and terrified of what the Empire could do to the ones you love most to the point of hurting the ones you love most, it's Cal.

While Cal's priority is to find the Compass and the ship and get out of here, he also can't help the small sliver of wishful-thinking that maybe, just maybe, Cal can get Bode back.

But for now, the thought of Bode even looking at him makes his skin crawl. He's just glad Bode isn't trying to make small talk.

So yeah, the walk is emotionally awkward, but Cal tries to ignore that and instead focus on how physically needed it is. Every step comes with a limp from his wounded knee, sure, but moving his body, stretching his muscles, it relaxes him far more than what a good night's sleep could ever do. Cal's always moving. It's what reminds him that he's still alive, and that he can still fight the Empire.

The Jedi temple comes into view, and Cal finds himself abruptly recognizing the path they're walking. The flora is different, as are some rock formations, but he's been here before within the memories of Dagon Gera.

The temple is magnificent, as large as the mountain itself. Cal can't help but behold the sight of it, reveling in its history. It's meaning. It's role in Cal's life hundreds of years after its architects died.

Bode stops near the edge of the cliff and lets out a low whistle. "To think a place like this has been completely hidden for hundreds of years, you have to wonder why the Council abandoned it."

Cal wants to stay silent, but he can't help his shrug. "The people who attacked it could pass through the abyss in mass numbers. Probably wasn't worth the lives it would cost to defend."

Bode tilts his head in a slight nod. "Probably. Good thing they did, though, left it the perfect hiding place."

Cal's lips thin. It's not just a hiding place. It's a haven. The selfishness of keeping it for themselves instead of sharing it with other victims of the empire makes Cal's stomach churn. He doesn't want to argue again, not now. He has to act complicit, get a lay of the area, figure out Bode's boundaries and push.

"C'mon, scrapper," Bode says, adjusting his duffle and Kata's bag on his shoulders. "Not far to go."

-o-o-o-o-

There's an abandoned starship. Cal spots it the second they get to the top of their current cliff, and he knows Bode sees it too. Cal doesn't have to wonder about it's functionality because Bode doesn't stop him when he bee-lines toward the machinery the second they carefully make their way down the steep slope.

Bode had definitely already checked the ship out to see if it's functional; if it worked, it wouldn't be here for Cal to see.

But he approaches anyway. Partly because checking out broken ships for anything that still works is something he's an expert at, but mostly because curious and often the victim of low impulse control. Psychometry has its ups and downs, but it certainly enables him to stick his nose into places where it might not belong.

He sets the duffle down, poking his head into the rusted heap of junk, eyes immediately landing on various shredded consoles and controls. It's immediately obvious that this is a battleship of some sort, based on the one pilot chair and lack of anywhere else for passengers to sit. There's faded text written here and there within the interior of the ship, but nothing in any language he knows.

The echoes are faded here, nothing he can sense besides faint emotions; anger at the Jedi, exhilaration of the hunt, fear as the ship hurdles to the ground.

He sighs and wishes BD-1 were here. Or Cere. Maybe one of them knows who's responsible for the invasion of Tanalor. Cal's never been known for having good marks in his history lessons, despite how his rare Force ability is practically a direct link to history itself. That's something Master Tapal had always tried to pound into his head, something that never really stuck around when Cal was much more interested in lightsaber fighting and parkour... despite not being very good at either until he got off Bracca.

He'd always been afraid of the past when he was a child. Of echoes. The council warned him time and time again that using psychometry in the time of war could lead him to the Dark Side if he found himself in the wrong kinds of echoes. Echoes of hatred, of death, of turning to the Dark Side.

It's only now as an adult that he's learnt that maybe those warnings were not to scare him, but to seek toward greater understanding.

He exits any lingering memories and focuses back into the mind of a scrapper. Regardless of the time period or group of sapients that created the ship, most things surprisingly follow an unintentional pattern. He doesn't physically poke around too much, he hopes to keep this looking more like he's curious in a psychometric sort of way rather than a scrapper way, at least to Bode. He carefully makes sure that if he has to touch anything, he uses an ungloved hand and just sorta hopes he doesn't find any strong echoes hiding that won't ask permission before dragging him under.

He doesn't. Luckily.

By the time a few minutes passed, he finds the radar is completely crushed, the steering controls frayed. The power supply fried. Nothing is salvageable from here, but when he steps away he can't help but feel an inkling of hope. If there's one crashed ship here, there are others, maybe ones that have fared their crash landings better. Ones Bode doesn't know about.

He needs to test his leash, once he can. Find out how much space Bode's willing to give him, how long he can go out of sight.

He's taken apart more ships than what he can count, it's not... entirely impossible for him to reverse engineer, especially if he finds a High Republic ship. If he can't find Bode's jet, then he'll just have to make his own.

-o-o-o-o-

A familiar tune reaches Cal's ears as they approach the final large clearing before the temple. It cuts off, however, as the singer notices their arrival.

A little girl, barely taller than what Cal was when he was a Padawan—and believe him he was small—stands up from where she was sitting on a decorative ledge of the temple, her eyes are wide and locked directly onto Cal.

"Hey, baby girl," Bode says as he stops a few feet from her. Cal stops as well, suddenly feeling completely lost in what to do.

"Is this him?" Kata asks hesitantly, her eyes flickering to her father before stubbornly returning to Cal. The irony of that isn't lost on Cal, her father can barely look at him while she stares unashamed. "Your best friend?"

Cal winces, and she must notice that because her eyebrows and nose-bridge crease.

Bode gives a tight smile, his hand lifting as if to rest it on Cal's shoulder but thank the stars he thinks better of it and brings his hand to the back of his neck. Cal could feel his entire body tense.

And it's odd. This sudden respect for personal space. It makes it near impossible to find out where Bode's boundaries lie. How far he's willing to go. One minute he's fully willing to restrain and stuff him into the smallest cargo compartment Cal has ever seen—(a lie, he's being dramatic)—and the next he's apologizing for touching and refraining from acting too physically.

Perhaps it's because Cal may no longer be restrained by physical means, bound now by having nowhere to go even if he did run.

"Yeah, honey, this is him. Cal Kestis." Bode lowers his hand back down to his side. Cal sighs silently, then offers Kata the most genuine smile he can muster. "Though, Cal and I had a bit of an argument, but he's here to stay."

Kata looks down at a little plush she's holding in her hands, then back at Cal with her nose wrinkled further. "You don't look that much like Mookie," she says, baffling Cal, before turning to her father. "If you had an argument, why don't you apologize?"

Cal takes it as a win that Kata immediately assumes Bode's the one who should apologize.

"Well," Bode says carefully, "sometimes arguments can't be settled with just an apology."

"If you're friends," Kata says, "it should be."

Bode's face tightens for a second before he sighs. "Cal and I just need some space and time to figure out what's important. Why don't you show us around the place, surely you didn't sit out here the whole time."

She stares at Cal for a second longer before nodding and turning. "I didn't," she says.

Cal releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. Judging by how Bode's shoulders dropped, he didn't know either.

After a second, they both begin following Kata into the temple. She walks with little hesitance, leading Cal to believe that she truly had done her fair share of exploration while waiting for Bode to return.

Instead of thinking too deeply about Bode's comment that they need to quote unquote figure out what's important and spiraling into an angry inner rant, Cal busies himself by admiring the architecture around him.

There's something about Jedi temples. No matter the planet, era, intention. When Cal was younger, they used to inspire him. The Force would flow between every little building brick and intentional decoration, promising wisdom and strength with age and experience.

Now Jedi temples are ghosts. The walls have eyes, and they're watching him. Challenging him. Every standing Jedi Temple is a challenge.

A challenge to his connection to the Force and his kyber crystal. A challenge to duality, detachment, connection, fortitude, clarity, reason, ambidexterity.

What challenge these walls hold for him he cannot even begin to guess, but he knows it's there. It'll reveal itself when it's ready. When he's not.

Who knows, maybe with enough exploration he'll find out the name of the temple is something like "Temple of Patience." Or sanity. Or composure. Tolerance, maybe? The Temple of Stop Trusting People So Easily has a nice ring to it.

Maybe one day he'll get back to Koboh and ask Zee if the temple has a name and she'll say, "oh why yes it does! It's honestly such a coincidence I have met you Cal, as the temple is named Cal's Ability to Refrain From Force Pushing a Former Best Friend Into the Nearest Star! Yes it's a strange name, but Master Khri insisted!"

Eventually, Kata leads them to a medium, dusty corridor that has rooms lining the sides. At the end, there's a cave-in, which piques his interest. He wonders if there's any echoes at the far end that will hint as to what's on the other side, though for now Kata shows them the rooms she found and claims the biggest one for herself but also says she would like to spend the night with her papa tonight. Bode indulges her, promising her that he'll set up a place to sleep in a moment.

Kata gives one last look at Cal, gives a smile, then takes her bag into her claimed room, leaving Cal and Bode alone once again.

Cal glances at Bode, keeping his expression neutral as Bode finally turns towards him, his eyes settling at a familiar point between Cal's jaw and shoulder.

"Anything you want to say, you can say it, Scrapper."

He doesn't sound confrontational, but he definitely sounds like he knows something's been on Cal's mind for a little while. Cal curses himself for letting Bode get close enough to where he could read Cal so well.

Well. Might as well say what's on his mind.

"What are your limits, Bode?"

Bode blinks. "My limits?"

"The rules. Conditions. How long is my leash?"

He doesn't mean to say leash with poison, but he supposes the muzzle got to him.

"I've... told you the rules. If you go after Kata, there will be consequences. If you go after me, I will defend myself. You're not on a leash, Cal."

Cal scoffs. "It can't be that simple."

"Why is that so hard to trust?"

Cal levels him with a glare. "You want an answer to that?"

Bode pauses, purses his lips. "Yeah, I asked for that one."

Cal takes a deep breath, it doesn't calm him. "Look, Bode, I don't know what to expect from you. You're unpredictable, everything I thought I knew about you was a lie. I can't read your mind, I don't know what you want from me. How do I know I'm not going to push too far on some unseen boundary and end up tied-up and locked away somewhere. I saw you keep those restraints."

Bode has the audacity to look offended. "Cal, I know you don't see it, and I know it wasn't done in the best way-" Cal snorts "-but you're not my captive. You can do whatever you want except ruin what I have for Kata."

"Everything except go back to Koboh."

Bode pauses.

"I'm not your captive, huh?"

"It's for your own good," he says, voice low. "You'll see that."

"And what if I don't?" Cal challenges. "What if I spend every day from here on out hating you. Running from you. What if I spend every waking moment searching for the compass and your jet until I can leave you here."

Probably a bit too on the nose, but Cal has to know how much he's risking here.

"Lower your voice," Bode says sharply, Cal almost forgot they were right outside Kata's chosen room. "You want rules? Will having punishments make you feel better? Fine. You win. I'll get you rules. You try to leave, if I catch you anywhere near where I've hidden the compass and my jet, there'll be consequences."

Cal resists looking too pleased with making Bode lose his composure, even if his threats are made in whispers. He lifts a hand, and does something he wasn't even expecting of himself. He places it on Bode's shoulder, and his gut twists in satisfaction when he flinches.

"Then start there," Cal says, patting his shoulder. He releases his hand, then cocks an eyebrow. "So, will I have my own room or will I be chained to your bed?"

Bode glares at him, meeting his eyes. Cal really shouldn't push Bode more than he already has, but he almost can't help it. He knows so little of what the future holds, knowing what sets Bode off as early as possible will surely help in the long run. Besides, it's... it feels good in a venomous way to finally be getting reactions out of him. To finally be seeing his true, traitorous nature under that false smile and considerate words.

"Get some sleep, Kestis," Bode says, tone like ice. "Sleep outside for all I care right now."

Bode turns heel and walks away from Cal, entering Kata's room.

Cal stands there for a minute, letting the won argument wash over him.

Sleep outside, huh?

He scoffs humorlessly to himself, walking down the corridor to the cave-in. He turns into the room on the left, but he doesn't enter. He drops his duffle, fixes his hair, then turns right around to do exactly as Bode suggested.

Or well, half exactly. He won't be sleeping, but outside seems more inviting and less aggravating than the thought of being inside within the same mile's radius of Bode anyways.