#I genuinely wish I had people to talk about this with

[butchpeace]

My older brother is an autogynephilic TIM.

After a long time of trying to hide my real feelings and convince myself to be supportive, I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t do that anymore.

I believe that a main motivation for his transition was jealousy towards me growing up. It’s become increasingly clear that he genuinely just wishes he were me.

He was misogynistic, controlling, talked down to me and treated me like I was stupid during our childhood. As a teenager, he got interested in pedophilic anime. The kind with the characters who look like little girls but are supposed to be high schoolers. He likely became interested in yuri manga at this time - pedophilic anime lesbian porn.

The way he treated me had a very negative effect on my self esteem and mental health as a young woman, and that was part of what led to my trans identification and eventual transition. I hated him. But he had also been part of what shaped my negative self image, and I had internalized it. The idea that I was stupid, not worth the same as he was, that my feelings didn’t matter, that I was a burden on the family. It wasn’t just him, but my childhood in general shaped me into a self-hating young woman who felt like she needed to escape and become something else.

A few years after I began transition, he “came out”. We were living under the same roof at the time, and I was truthfully very uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable all the time, and didn’t feel at home in my own home. And I kept trying to push that feeling down because I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought I was being judgmental, that my instincts were wrong and I shouldn’t listen to them. That’s when I started peaking and started to consider detransition. I found a roommate and moved out. And even then I felt guilty, because he whined about not having anyone else to live with.

When he changed his name, he was pissed off that he hadn’t been born female, because he wanted my name. He said this in front of the whole family. That he doesn’t know what name he wants to go by, his only idea was what he would have been named if he were female, which is my name. He ended up choosing one of the most cliche TIM names you can choose. Another time, someone asked him his favorite colors. He told them his favorite colors were the ones I always said were my favorite as a kid. This isn’t a coincidence - It’s a specific list of colors.

These sound like just little things, and most people would brush it off, but they instantly made my brain go into red alert mode. Since then he’s become very outspoken about being a “lesbian”. He talks about wishing he could find a girlfriend, being a “lonely lesbian”, a “useless lesbian”, being “soooo gay”, whatever. He has the flags, he suddenly likes cats despite being allergic and never liking animals at all before. He watches anime and tv shows with lesbian characters and thirsts after characters like Vi from Arcane while talking about his “gender envy”.

He makes objectifying comments about women’s bodies, calls himself and my female family members “bitch”. Infantilizes himself and loves to talk about how “weak” he is. There are too many things to list honestly. All the ways in which it’s obvious that he has no idea what being a woman actually is.

We’ve only seen each other a few times a year at most in the years since then, and I’ve just tried to avoid and ignore and not engage in conversations with him. All the while he acts nice, like he never did anything harmful to me growing up, as if being trans was his problem and “becoming a woman” fixed him. As if I’m the one being unreasonable for being distant and not having a close relationship.

I’m seeing more and more clearly how hollow it all is. How fake it all is. How probably perverted it all is. He was a harmful influence on my life. And now he acts like he’s a woman, and it’s hollow, and somehow he thinks that means it’s all erased and forgiven.

We’re both grown adults now, and he only physically hurt me once as a kid, but growing up seeing him fly into a rage every time I didn’t agree with him still makes me afraid of the threat of violence from him. That’s part of why it was so hard to speak up and why it’s still uncomfortable to be around him.

The crazy thing is that I know multiple detrans women who have TIM older brothers. I’ve heard from other women that there seems to be a trend of lesbians in general with TIM older brothers. There’s a pattern here, and it’s not a good one.

We need to be talking about this. Stop the silence 📣

TW: Don’t look at the comments if you’re sensitive to sexual assault triggers. I’m deleting when I see them but the creeps have definitely found this post.

[fenharel-babe]

Hehehe finally getting to answering it >:))). I would LOVE to see YOUR ROOK🫵 @emmg AND EVERYONE ELSE TAGGED!!!

🌻 How old is your Rook? How do they feel about celebrating their birthday? What gift has meant the most to them?

My Rook is Raven Mercar, and she is 30 (if I’m doing the math right from DAO—>DATV). Rook is pretty neutral about celebrating her birthday. She likes it but if people don’t remember she doesn’t make it a big deal. She does feel very loved and overly happy when people DO remember it. It will make her cry the first time.

Lucanis made her a childhood meal of hers that her parents used to make before they died from the Blight. He surprised her with it one evening for dinner and she sobbed. It was very important to her because it proved that he actually paid attention to what she said and remembered something so small about her. He remembered a MEAL her parents made, and she mentioned it in an off hand comment. It was a very emotional dinner, and she couldn’t have wished for anything else.

🪻 What is the most painful injury your Rook has received? How has it affected them once it healed/scarred?

Raven was a slave during her early 20s (it’s a LOONG story) and her masters were…decent. They got her a tutor for her magic, gave her nice clothes, kept her healthy, but their guests were not the same. They were assholes and her masters never truly did anything. They scolded them, but never truly stopped them.

One day, Raven was weak from training so hard with her tutor the previous night. She was tired of having her tutor hit her knuckles with a ruler when she didn’t meet expectations so she pushed herself hard one night, and the next day a party was held. Raven was exhausted on her feet and felt a little sick, and the demands and how fast she has to work with other slaves was NOT good for her. At one point, she ran into one of the guests and ended up tripping and dropping a glass tray she had in her hands filled with items. Everything, as expected, broke and to make matters worse, Raven fell onto it face first. The glass stabbed and slashed her neck, but didn’t hit anything vital. The guest (and a few others around her) were demeaning her and saying how useless she was, and none helped her up or even called for a healer. She had to get up on her own, holding a hand to her neck, and rushed towards a healer that stayed in the home. It left scars on her neck and shoulder, long slashes is what they look like.

It wasn’t necessarily the most painful, but it was painful emotionally. She never felt so helpless and uncared for until that moment. No one helped her up or even cared if she was okay. She realized that night she had to get out or she would end up dead one day and no one would care.

🌹 What’s the first genuine fight Rook got in with their love interest about? How was it resolved?

Raven and Lucanis rarely fight to be honest. The only thing that makes them angry at each other is when they lie about their feelings or aren’t honest. Both have been through shit, too scared to talk about it and ruin what they have, so they lie and say things along the lines of “I’m fine.” Lucanis gets upset/worried about Raven’s occasional people pleasing attitude and how she sometimes says “yes” too many times. She denies that she’s doing that at all, not wanting to realize she’s falling back to her slave habits, and it irritates Lucanis because babe. You don’t need to please people all the damn time. You’re your own person!!

The way their arguments/unsaid arguments are resolved when they sit down and talk. Sounds cliche and too simple, but it’s true. They sit down and talk about how they feel and why they do the things they do. They both say what they’ll do better, or will try to, and they try to give solutions to the problem to help them be better. They just wanna help each other be good and happy.

Raven may also have a bit or a problem with Lucanis just killing people easily (given how she only kills when necessary) but she doesn’t think much about it.

🌸 Does your Rook have any siblings or close friends they see as such? Where are they during the events of Veilguard?

Raven used to be good friends with Bloom Lavellan and Joseph Lavellan, who were the INQUISITORS!! She was born in Kirkwall and was there during some events of DA2. Bloom and Joseph were there (long story) and Bloom found Raven on the streets. Raven’s parents had died because of the blight and she couldn’t afford the house anymore, so she was forced out onto the streets. Bloom found her and helped her with her magic, basically being a teacher to her, and was all motherly to her. Until she was taken by slavers one night who also kidnapped Bloom. However, Bloom had gotten away and didn’t have time to save Raven or else they would both be caught…so she ran.

Raven felt betrayed and lost that connection to both of them. It’s how she becomes a slave in the first place. It comes back during DATV.

🌾 If there was a demon trying to trap/take over Rook, what kind would be the most successful? What would break their hold?

It would be difficult for them to do it, BUT if one was ever to win in some universe, it would definitely be Fear. Raven is scared of being alone, being forced into slavery again, losing everyone she loves, and it’s why during the Fade Prison scene, she was so scared and almost willing to give up. She felt like everyone was gone…so why should she try anymore? Fear of being abandoned and not being loved is her biggest ones, so a demon making her feel that way or threatening her with that would definitely win.

🌱 Was Rook involved romantically with anyone before Veilguard? What was their partner like? How did the relationship end?

Raven was never romantically involved with anyone before Lucanis. She lived in Kirkwall with her parents, lived on the streets once they died of blight, had a teacher and lived okay for awhile, was taken by slavers and sold to live as a slave, and once she escaped her masters’ she lived on the streets of Minrathous and barely survived. She worried about what she would eat next, not some pretty boy she saw and spoke a few words to. It’s why she was very awkward with Lucanis and didn’t know how to flirt or truly know what Love was. It’s why it takes awhile for them to get together, but they make it work. Their matching awkwardness makes them fall for each other lol.

🌼 If someone was to ask Spite what Rook smells like, what would he say?

Like flour or something sweet since she LOVES pastries such as donuts, and a mix of coffee. She smells like a bakery honestly.

🌷If Rook needed to get away from their responsibilities for a moment, where would they go? Where is their safe space outside the Lighthouse?

She would’ve gone to the Shadow Dragons hideout. These people saved her from the streets (literally barely surviving) and helped her mentally and emotionally and physically and any other way they can help. It feels safe there, at least until it was destroyed. Now she doesn’t know where to go and just hides in her room in the Lighthouse. If she was forced out of the lighthouse, she would go to that little fisher guy Neve brought her to once to buy food. He was sweet and she loved the sound of his voice and the food. Maybe if she ate and spoke to him about simple things she would feel better….

🥀 What figure from Rook’s personal past would be added to the regret prison?

It would be her parents. Her parents are dead, but she still tries to live up to what they would’ve wanted for her. If she heard them confront her and look at her with disappointment? She would sob, falling to her knees, and would just…be there for awhile. She wants them to be proud of her and still love her from beyond the grave.

If they mentioned how naive she was for trusting him and playing into Solas’s hands, she would sob and feel so much regret for doing anything. She would eventually break out of it, but if she saw them??? It would haunt her.

🪷 Does your Rook have an irrational phobia? (ie spiders or large man-made objects submerged underwater)

She doesn’t really have any big fears other than HUGE bugs or being trapped. Being trapped underwater in any way freaks her out, being trapped in a room freaks her out. She just CAN’T STAND being trapped. She already was when she was a slave, so she fears falling back into that. She needs freedom, not entrapment.

🍀 Has Rook had any near-death experiences? What went through their mind during what they thought was going to be their final moments?

Her only near death experience was when she was 27 and lived on the streets after escaping her previous masters. She had lived on the street for 2 years now, and it was bad. She was sick, her hygiene was terrible, she had gotten hurt from being caught trying to steal food, and she was laying in an alleyway. She believed if she fell asleep, she would never wake up again. She was so sure and just kept thinking of her parents. Would she see them again? Did she even deserve to see them again? Her thoughts weren’t really straight since she was hurt and her health was declining. She was just so tired.

But before she could die, a shadow dragon found her and brought her to the hideout. They got a healer to her immediately and she was saved.

💐 What is the relationship Rook has with their faction mentor? What was the moment they sent Rook away like?

Raven’s relationship was very close. She was dependent on them heavily and cared for them since they cared for her. When she was sent away she was heartbroken, though a part of her understood. It felt like when she was taken away from home in Kirkwall all over again, but she knew it was different. They only sent her away as a last resort, she knew that. She was lonely and scared being on her own again, but the people taught her to be careful and how to be on the street if necessary. She would live to see them again, she would make sure of it.

🌺 Is there an object from Rook’s childhood they look back on fondly? (ie a favorite stuffed animal, book, or food)

Since she was taken from Kirkwall, she didn’t have anything big to look back on. The only thing she had was the memory of a dish her parents made for any celebration. It was her favorite and she remembered the recipe and whenever she was really hungry, she swears she could taste it.

She would help her parents make it and it was always a sweet moment for the whole family. It’s why Lucanis makes it for her once she tells him what it is, because he knows it’s very important to her.

🌿 Does your Rook have any tattoos? What was the moment when they got them like? If they’re a Crow where is their de Riva brand located? What vallaslin do they have/how did they earn it if they’re Dalish?

Raven got a small snake tattoo on her wrist. It’s wrapping around her wrist and all the way to a finger. It’s a simple snake, and its eyes match her eye color and its body is red and black. It is always a constant reminder of the group that saved her and how she will always be a part of it. Even if she doesn’t have the clothes or anything else, she has the tattoo. And it’s enough for her.

The moment she got it was emotional. She knew she had people always with her and would help her if she needed it. She had an organization backing her up, so she wouldn’t truly be alone again. If she wasn’t with them, then she would have this tattoo to always carry them with her.

🍂 What was it like the first time Rook killed someone? How did they react afterwards?

Raven killed someone when she was living on the streets in Minrathous. It was a slave catcher and he was after her. She was trained in magic, yes, but she still had outbursts at times and if she was panicked, the magic would react. She was cornered in an alley, the man had a whip and was so close to getting her, so she cast a spell. She didn’t know what it was till it happened. It was a fireball to him, and it was strong. He burned to death in front of her eyes, and it was terrifying. She felt like a monster, but at the same time she felt a bit of…joy at seeing him dead. He wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone else.

It’s what really scared her. The fact she cared but also didn’t care that he was dead. It still is a battle in her mind whenever she kills someone.

Woe! Rook ask game be upon ye!

🌻 How old is your Rook? How do they feel about celebrating their birthday? What gift has meant the most to them? 🪻 What is the most painful injury your Rook has received? How has it affected them once it healed/scarred? 🌹 What’s the first genuine fight Rook got in with their love interest about? How was it resolved? 🌸 Does your Rook have any siblings or close friends they see as such? Where are they during the events of Veilguard? 🌾 If there was a demon trying to trap/take over Rook, what kind would be the most successful? What would break their hold? 🌱 Was Rook involved romantically with anyone before Veilguard? What was their partner like? How did the relationship end? 🌼 If someone was to ask Spite what Rook smells like, what would he say? 🌷If Rook needed to get away from their responsibilities for a moment, where would they go? Where is their safe space outside the Lighthouse? 🥀 What figure from Rook’s personal past would be added to the regret prison? 🪷 Does your Rook have an irrational phobia? (ie spiders or large man-made objects submerged underwater) 🍀 Has Rook had any near-death experiences? What went through their mind during what they thought was going to be their final moments? 💐 What is the relationship Rook has with their faction mentor? What was the moment they sent Rook away like? 🌺 Is there an object from Rook’s childhood they look back on fondly? (ie a favorite stuffed animal, book, or food) 🌿 Does your Rook have any tattoos? What was the moment when they got them like? If they’re a Crow where is their de Riva brand located? What vallaslin do they have/how did they earn it if they’re Dalish? 🍂 What was it like the first time Rook killed someone? How did they react afterwards?

[scary-friend]

But seriously @moongasux your messages always make me smile. And I love receiving asks from you. You’re one of my best friends and I’m truly so happy to have you with me here. I hope we can have another year of chaos and shenanigans. 🎉

@mintyscuriocabinet My best pony friend forever, the minty to my pinky. I’m so happy to have gotten the opportunity to meet you this year. I’ve never felt so understood before. You’re my twin and I’m so happy the universe finally let us meet! I hope we can have more adventures together next year! 💕

@aloe-emo What can I say, you’re just one of the sweetest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting and I’m so grateful to have you as a friend. We’re practically twins too! My beastie bestie. I’m just so happy to talk with you and to have someone who is so supportive and kind. I can’t wait to spend another year together.

@angel-cryptid Angel you are genuinely the sweetest person I’ve ever met. You lighten up the lives of every single person you meet. I’m so happy we could meet and be friends. I appreciate you so much and you deserve the world 🌟💕

@coffin--coffee you’re just such a beautiful person and I’m really happy that we got to meet this year and be friends. Your blog is just beautiful and I’m always happy to see you. Thank you for being my mutual and spending this wild year with me. 🎊

@hello-bunnybat I just wanted to tell you that you’re so wonderful and I’m so honored to be your friend. You really helped me come out of my shell and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that. You are an absolute treasure in this world and I hope you have the most amazing year. You truly deserve everything. 💖

@insaneinpink Hi💕 I just wanna say I’m so happy we got to meet this year! You’re genuinely one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. I’ve loved getting to know you and I loved playing my moodboard challenge together. I hope we can have another fun year together next year 🌸

@warmestshrine you are such a light and inspiration in my life warm. Whenever I’m going through something you always know just what to say to make me feel so much better. I truly wish the absolute best for you. And I’m so honored to be your friend. You’re amazing. 🌟

@local-lover-boy you’re so talented and pretty and I have no idea how we grew to become friends because it’s honestly such an honor to be your friend! I think you’re one of the coolest people on this website and I am so happy we’re friends! 💙

@cryptidwrestling wrestling would not be the same without you, Bestie! I always look forward to wrestling because we get to talk together and watch the chaos. I hope we can have another fun year or wrestling together. You’re awesome. 💜

@motor-city-selfryed My chaotic bestie! You’re honestly like one of the funniest people I know and I always look forward to seeing you when I watch wrestling. Your posts always make me smile and I just so happy we’re friends. 💞

@miru-has-thoughts I honestly think you’re like one of the coolest people ever, and when you followed me back, I like exploded. I think you’re super kind and funny and I’m always happy to see you on my feed. I hope you have an absolutely amazing new year and the year gives you so much Good luck because you absolutely deserve it. 🌟

@justalexisfine you are one of the kindest and most genuine people I have ever met. I always love talking to you and seeing your posts. I’m just really happy we met this year because you’ve taught me a lot about myself and you really helped me come out of my shell and I just consider you one of my best friends and I’m so happy we met. You’re just wonderful and I’m just so happy I got to meet you this year. 💕

@the-crystal-femmes Hello! I’m just at a loss for words on what to say. I still remember the day I received your message asking to be mutuals. And it’s still like one of the highlights of my year. I think you’re all just some of the most wonderful people on this website. And it’s truly an honor to be friends with you. I hope we can have another wonderful year next year. Because you all are just such a wonderful part of my life and my time here on Tumblr. It wouldn’t be the same without you. 💝

@one-princess-revolution I’ll forever be grateful that the boops brought us together. You are so kind and so funny. Like we met by chance and it’s one of the best things that ever happened. Thank you so much for being such an amazing friend and I truly wish you all the absolute best. 💞

@mokacheer I know we technically met last year, but I don’t care. You are the reason I was able to feel more confident myself to post more and I will forever be grateful for that. You are such a kind person and your blog is absolutely gorgeous. I hope to see you again next year because it truly wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t here. 🎉💕

@blukutz I’m so happy we got to meet through the gift exchange, I think you’re one of the sweetest people ever and it was so fun to draw you. We might not have gotten to talk much this year, but I hope we’re able to become closer friends next year. You’re honestly such a sweetheart, and you deserve the world. 💞

@the-real-loser-otaku-girl you’re so cool and your blog is amazing and it’s honestly so surprising that you follow me too! I’m so honored! I hope next year treats you like the absolute queen that you are, you truly deserve everything and more. Thank you so much for being here 💖

@sunfl0wersapphic Willow! You are one of the coolest people I’ve ever met in your artwork is always absolutely stunning. I’m so happy we’re friends and I wish the absolute best for you in the upcoming year. You are just an absolute sweetheart, and I’m so happy to have gotten the opportunity to meet you. ❤️

@thelovelydragonleelee you are just an absolute sweetheart. I’m so happy that we’re moots and it always makes me smile when you reblog posts from me. Your blog is absolutely gorgeous. And I wish you so much love and success in the upcoming year. I’m so happy to have met you during the boops. 💖

@xxradzxx you are honestly so cool and it still blows me away that we’re mutuals. I hope you have an absolutely fantastic new year. And that the new year treats you with kindness and support. You deserve all the good things in life. Thank you for being my friend. 🎊🌟

And this goes out to all of you, thank you for spending your year with me. It just means so much to me to have such wonderful people in my life like you. I couldn’t have done this without you. You’re all such a blessing in my life and I’ll never ever stop being grateful for that.

You’re all just so amazing and it still blows me away that we’re friends thank you so much for an amazing year and I hope we can have an amazing 2025!

( I’m so sorry if I misspelled anything, I’m dyslexic and I wanted to get this done before midnight 💞)

[lunaetis]

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2025 !!

there were so many things that happened this year. so many changes throughout the entire year that were both good and bad. 2024 was honestly quite a rough year for me, physically and mentally. but for everyone who had stuck around with me throughout it all, thank you so much for being a part of my 2024 going onto 2025. i cannot tell you enough how much coming online and to this blog wouldn't be as wonderful an experience without all of you. my friends, my mutuals, and everyone i had met and had the pleasure to talk to and write with, or even those who i never get a chance to interact with yet, i genuinely am grateful for your presence.

whether we have followed each other for years, or have just become mutual recently, bless you for deeming me deserving of a space on your dash by clicking that follow button and thank you so much for making mine an absolutely amazing one. i'm very sorry if i had done something to upset any of you during the past year. i'll do my best to be better. i want to reach out more. i want to talk to more people, interact with more people, write with as many of you as i possibly could. i really appreciate all your patience and understanding despite my sporadic activity.

a special thank you for those who let me bother your muses with the space raccoon, and to those who let me throw yinyue at them despite knowing nothing about wuwa. with rin being the newest addition to my fixation, i do hope i'd get a chance to explore her and more dynamics with our muses in the upcoming year !

with that said, i wish you all a great year ahead ! please stay safe, stay healthy, be happy, and remain the most beautiful and amazing individuals that you all are ! thank you for sticking with this awkward pupper who endlessly yap about her muses and biting. goodbye to 2024 and here's to a better year for all of us in 2025 ! pupper loves you all dearly ! HAPPY NEW YEAR !! 2025 HERE WE COME !!

[szoboobszlai]

THEY DON’T KNOW ABOUT US

word counter: +1,8k

pairing: trent alexander-arnold x physiotherapist!female reader

warnings: none!

author notes: hey everyone! first of all, i just wanted to wish you a very happy new year; 2024 was absolutely amazing for me, and having your notes and feedback on my writing is something that really made me grateful, so, THANK YOU!

this is a new part of my one direction lyric-based writing series, that you can find here. also, click here for my full masterlist.

liverpool football club has always been more than just a job for you. as the team’s physiotherapist, you loved every moment, every pass, every win and loss. it was your place, your purpose. but what you didn’t expect was that football would bring you face to face with a completely different kind of challenge.

trent alexander-arnold. his name echoed in your head constantly since he started being your patient. the young player, with an impressive skill, an unwavering dedication to the team, but also a quiet, enigmatic energy, something you always noticed but never dared to explore.

it all started with an ankle injury trent had. the need for more intense care meant you were the one who treated him most often. the physiotherapy sessions became moments of conversation that went beyond what was necessary; you talked about games, the team, the season’s expectations… but slowly, you started sharing more than just that.

“do you really think this injury is going to take us out of the title race?” trent asked one day, as you applied ice to his ankle, his brown eyes meeting yours.

“you’re strong enough to overcome this, and you know liverpool needs you.” you said, smiling at him, trying to stay professional, but there was something in his gaze that made you feel there was more to it. “you can’t give up now, trent.”

he laughed, a genuine smile that made your heart beat faster. “you know, you always talk like you’re our mental therapist, not just the physical one.”

“i am, i am.” you laughed back, trying to push the growing tension between you both aside.

but, in your hearts, you knew it was more than just a professional relationship. with every touch during the treatment, every furtive glance, the connection grew stronger. you couldn’t deny what you were feeling, but you both knew that something so delicate needed to be kept secret. what would people say about a physiotherapist and a football player being involved? the club, the teammates, the fans… no one would understand.

the view of his smile echoed in your mind when you thought about what was beginning to grow between you two — you had shared so many moments, but never in front of others. on the field, he was the icon, the standout player. you, just the physiotherapist who, with skilled hands, helped the team stay on their feet. but when you met in private, away from the curious eyes and microphones, it felt like the world was too small for the two souls that had found each other.

it was on an autumn night, after a hard game, that the tension between you two finally overflowed. liverpool had won, but trent, still exhausted, was feeling the pain in his legs. you followed him to the locker room for one last check, knowing he was in good shape, but also aware of how physically affected he might be.

after the treatment, you found yourselves alone, a rare moment in the busy routine of training and games. he looked at you, his brown eyes deep, locking with yours. the silence between you both grew heavy.

“y/n…” he began, his voice low, hesitant. “i need to tell you something.”

you felt your heart race, the professionalism you always maintained starting to waver in the face of the intensity of the moment.

“i have something to tell you too.” you smiled, trying to stay calm, but the anxiety took over you. you both knew what was about to happen. you were about to cross the thin line between what was acceptable and what was risky.

trent took a step closer, his hands now intertwining with yours. “they don’t know about us, y/n. no one knows how real this is.” he moved even closer, until your lips met for the first time, softly, like a silent promise.

the kiss was quick, but it was etched in your memory. it felt like time had stopped. but when you pulled away, the world started spinning again, and you were back in reality: you were hidden.

“i think we need to be careful,” you whispered as you pulled back slightly, trying to breathe.

“i know, but i can’t act like it’s not real anymore.” trent said, sincerity in his eyes. “i need you, y/n. but if this is too much for you…”

you interrupted him, smiling at him. “i need you too. but let’s keep this between us. just the two of us.”

in the following days, the tension grew in a different way: the chemistry between you was more visible than ever, but no one spoke of it. you and trent continued with your routine, keeping up the professional facade in front of everyone else. but with each meeting, each furtive glance, the connection between you two grew even more. you were being careful, trying to hide what no one could know.

this is how things had to be. a secret shared only between you two. when trent felt weak, you were his strength. when he won, you were there to celebrate, silently, always by his side, but never visible to others.

and even though the outside world didn’t know, you both knew what you had. a love no one could understand, but that remained strong despite the external pressures. a love that, no matter how much the world tried to ignore, was unbreakable.

and maybe that’s what made what you had even more special. the secret you shared in the glances and the silences. you both knew that, in the end, what mattered was what was between you. and that, no one could ever take away.

[copiasthighhighs]

Anyone else so sick and tired of tourists/bigots within the DA community? Especially on twt and reddit?

Spoilers beneath the cut!

Yes, I am well aware they are going to be part of any other community that exists. I’m mainly talking about the people who are saying that Taash should’ve been replaced by Shathann as a companion or that they’re incredibly annoying due to them being non-binary, ie: calling them the “pronouns character”. Or people only “tolerating” Davrin because he has Assan. Calling him a “stereotypical jock/bro”.

Like, as a trans person, I will say that sure, some things with Taash could’ve been written better, but I’m also taking into account that Trick Weekes wrote them based off of their own experiences, if I remember correctly. (If I am wrong, please do correct me).

And for that, I completely understand. People are blaming them not liking Taash on Trick and it’s like… Hello?? I’m not out here blaming them for also writing Solas because I don’t really like him? They also wrote my favorite character in the series as well (Bull), and did a fantastic job with writing Krem as well. Me personally, I heavily relate to Taash’s story as I too had an argument with my mother about my identity, and before I could apologize, she died. Taash as a whole means a whole lot to me tbh.

The amount of people genuinely hating Davrin is actually insane. They legit only “like” him because of Assan. I wish that with certain parts, Assan wasn’t attached and that we could focus on Davrin as his own character. But I am also taking into account that Emmrich almost never goes places without Manfred as well (except the two outings he goes on with Harding and Strife), but even then, Davrin doesn’t get that chance either.

There is NO way Davrin could be a “stereotypical jock/bro” are you kidding me? The man who canonically sang to Halla while living in his clan? Who now sings to Assan to sleep? The very same one who is willing to lay down his life for any one of the last 13 Griffons in Thedas? The one who carves little wooden figures of his friends? I am also in no way capable of talking about the specifics in depth, because I myself, am not black. But I’m pretty damn sure another reason people don’t like Davrin is because he is a black man.

Not to mention that stupid ass “ily message” twt thread that somehow mischaracterized EVERY CHARACTER, but I’m not gonna talk about that today.

[emometalhead]

It's time for my annual New Year's post!! I hope everyone finds peace and fun as we enter 2025. Sending good vibes all around 🩷✨️.

As per tradition, I want to express my gratitude for my lovely friends here. (In alphabetical order by url.)

@awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands - Alessia!! You are such a sweetheart. You are such a caring, kind person, and you're so beautiful inside and out. I am extremely lucky to have you in my life. You are a wonderful cheerleader for my successes, and I can only hope I provide the same enthusiasm for your life. I'm so proud of you for completing your schooling earlier this year, and I'm even prouder that you were able to dedicate your time to subjects that interest you so greatly. Your talent, creativity, and determination are inspiring. You are going to do amazing things, and I hope this coming year brings lots of joy and success. Love you 🩷🩷

@born-to-lose - Hiiii Mel 😘. Here's to many more concerts, musical discoveries, and fun flirtatious moments in 2025. You deserve all of the best and most enjoyable experiences in life. You're so smart, so talented, and so dedicated to your passions. I am in awe of you, always. It's actually so rude that you're so lovely and incredible. Also you're hot. Like girl, what can't you do? Love you forever 💍. I'm excited to see what this year will bring for you. I hope it's lots of joy and success in your endeavors. You're creative, talented, have great taste, and you're such a likeable person. I know you'll amount to great things, and it is so cool to have a glimpse into your life.

@day-trippin-dreamer - Tina!!!!!! I tell you all the time how much I love you and how amazing I think you are. It still bears repeating. You are one of my favorite people, and your friendship means more to me than you'll ever know. I am giving you the biggest virtual hug. Thank you for being there for me for so many years now. I know I can always count on you when I'm down, and I can always count on you to be just as excited as me when good things happen. Also you have such good taste, and it will always be an honor to be your friend and mutual. Here's to another great year of friendship, and hopefully lots of lovely lovely things in your future. ILY ✨️🩷

@doctorqueensanatomy - Hello my dearest, Sheamus! We've been friends for a few years now, but the way in which our friendship has blossomed this year has been so beautiful to me. I live for our life updates and spirited conversations about media, the effects of Capitalism, our regional quirks, and literally anything and everything else. I'm eternally grateful for you. I so badly wish I could snap my fingers and transport across the world to hang out with you. I'm always impressed by your thoughtfulness and ability to talk through situations. You are so smart, brilliant, and fun. I hope you know how much I love you. May this coming year bring us even closer. 🥰🥰

@duffmckagans - Hi Kelsey!! 😁 I'm so glad you're back on here!! Your presence brings a calm and bright energy into my life. We have had such a good few years of friendship despite the chaos surrounding both of our lives. After a bit of separation this year due to the aforementioned chaos, I hope 2025 will bring us closer than ever. I love how easily you understand my insane ramblings and the one million connections I make between media I love. You are so incredibly smart, insightful, and creative. I'll never stop being in awe of you. I also appreciate your willingness to be petty and dramatic with me. Multifaceted queen lol. Seriously though, I love you a ton, and I'm so happy you're in my life. I hope 2025 brings you stability and success. I'm always rooting for you.

@idontwanttospoiltheparty - Hi Fiona! I know we don't talk a ton, but your presence on my dash is always greatly appreciated. I love your takes, informed nuance, and analysis. It is clear how much thought you put into everything you care about, and that is admirable. I hope you know I genuinely take time to read and process everything you post, because it is always interesting. I hope this coming year is a positive one for you. I can't wait to see what you do or create next, and I'm sending good vibes your way. 🥰

@inquisitiveheretic - Hi Lee!! You've been around less this year, so I have really had to pay attention and appreciate when you're on my dash. Idk if you'll even see this, but I hope you do. I am wishing the best for you! I hope you're thriving irl. You will always be a person I hold a lot of respect for. It's been a long while, and I miss our chats. Just know even if we don't speak at all, I am always rooting for you. I hope lots of great media and interesting analysis comes your way in 2025. ♡♡♡

@losers-yurio - RYLIE!! I have no clue if you'll see this lol. I'm including you anyway. I will always always always be so grateful that we met. You will always be my first true Internet friend, and I'll never be able to explain the impact you've had on my life. I'm so grateful for you. It seems like you're absolutely killing it in college, and I'm so proud of you. You're such a kind, funny, and beautiful person. What an honor it is to even peripherally be in your life. I'm sending hugs and good vibes forever and ever. Here's to a wonderful new year ✨️✨️✨️

@nocturnal-light - Lynne, you impress me every single day. You're a great artist. Your drawings and crafts are always so cool, and it is an awesome thing to see. Your skating is so gorgeous. I'm so proud of you for everything you have accomplished with your skating career, and I'm so happy for you to have opportunities to do what you love. You are a ray a light, and I hope you know how much I adore you even though we don't talk too often. I hope you have a great 2025 full of music and fun. 🩷🩷

@no-fxn-club - Frankie!! Frankie!! Frankie!! You have no clue how often I think of you. Everytime I see cows, I think "Frankie would love them". Everytime I see a post where someone refers to a soda as a coke, I think of you. Everytime I listen to The Used or Set It Off or hear a southern twang, I think of you. You mean so much to me, and it is such an honor to know you. You have the best sense of humor, great taste in music, such a streak of creativeness, and it all cumulates in you being one of the best people I know. I am wishing you (and all your pets!!) a lovely, lovely 2025. 🖤🖤🖤

@only-a-heartbeat-away Hi Harlow! I think a lot of our interests have diverged, but I still have so much joy about us being mutuals. You're a really great person, and I love that we can still connect despite being in so many different fandoms. I love your passion about the bands you love, and I hope you discover even more cool music in the new year. I'm sending good vibes your way!! 🩷

@rebelrollerqueen - Hey Ren!! You haven't been around as much lately, so I hope you see this. I'm so proud of you. You are so intelligent, determined, and expressive. Your hair, makeup, and fashion are always above and beyond. Your taste in music is so good. Plus, you're a genuine, kind, and loving person. I don't care how old you become. I'll always be happy to be your Internet Mom. Seeing you grow over the last few years has been a beautiful thing, and I can't wait to continue seeing you move forward and succeed in life. Love you so much!! ♥️

@sohardlovingyou Hi Jori!!! You're my pop girlie icon forever. I love how tuned in you are to all the celebrity gossip and internet drama, and I love how happily you cheer on the people you're a fan of. Your blog is always a source of joy for me. It is so fun seeing your takes, and it's even more fun with how often our opinions overlap. You're such a fun person, and you're also gorgeous!! The whole package!! I hope you're winning in life, and I'm sending all the best vibes. May 2025 help us live out our poppiest fantasies. 💅🩷

@therockywhorerpictureshow - Hey Ella! 🥰 You're such a lovely presence on my dash!! I love getting little glimpses into your life. You have such adorable dogs. You are a baking icon. Seriously I want to eat everything you post 😭. If I ever find myself out East, I will seek you out for hugs and baked goods lol. You're so damn pretty it's actually crazy, and you're so sweet too. Just a lovely person overall. I'm so glad we're friends, and I hope 2025 brings you lots of good things. I'm so proud of you for going to school this year. It is an impressive and scary thing. You're pushing through and doing great. I hope you know I'm rooting for your success in all avenues. Love you!!

@xx-key-xx - Key, you're such a legend. You are the 2000s it girl of my dreams. You're so damn cool, and I love how much you're absolutely killing it. Your fashion, hair, and makeup are inspiring. I'm always happy to hype you up, and I can't wait to see what 2025 brings you for. I'm sending all the good vibes and energy your way. Let's party like it's 2005. 😎 Love you, icon!!

[sunsetsover]

you know, i think the reason people fall into the 'kant doesn't care about bison at all, none of what he's doing or saying is real' thing so easily is because he's so good at compartmentalising. it's one of the most consistent parts of his character. we get shown in damn near every single scene he's in: kant constantly sets his own feelings/opinions/wants aside in favour of getting done whatever it is he needs to get done. and if you aren't paying attention it gives off the impression that he doesn't care, but that isn't the truth at all.

i know i talk about kant's role as a big brother a lot, but i genuinely believe that's where it stems from. from the moment his parents died, he had to tuck his own grief away in favour of tending to babe's needs, both emotional and physical. and in ep 6 babe refers to kant as the one who raised him, so babe really must have been quite young when their parents passed - young enough that kant is the one he considers to have raised him, not them. and i know i already talked about it in this post but it's worth reiterating that that wouldn't have come without sacrifice for kant. from context clues it seems as though he went from a student just like any other to basically a single father to a young, grieving child overnight. and kant loves babe. he clearly prioritises his wellbeing - in every sense - above his own. and that means kant's own feelings and wants and desires and even his needs getting thrown aside over and over and over again in favour of babe's. this is a pattern that must have gone on for years atp. kant probably no longer knows any other way to be: he always becomes what other people need him to be. who he is and how he feels get smothered in favour of that every time. and please understand that him doing that isn't an act of manipulation, but likely started as him adapting to the circumstances he found himself in as a teenager and became so ingrained in who he is that he doesn't even realise he's doing it anymore. (besides you can see when kant is manipulating someone. it's completely different. he's not great at it.)

because i mean really, do you honestly think kant was never scared going out stealing cars? do you think he wasn't petrified when he was caught? do you think he never wished for something else for his brother, for himself? do you think he never walked through the streets at night looking for cars to steal, wishing he could just go home? wanting his mum and dad? wanting to someone to take care of him for once?

of course he did. of course he was scared. of course he was upset. he's not a sociopath, nor is he some kind of professional criminal. he's just a guy who's been doing whatever he has to to get by, and sometimes that meant doing bad things, but he still has feelings and wants and wishes beyond that.

but the thing is, as it always has been, is that above kant's wants or needs or feelings sits babe. babe's wants and needs and feelings. his wishes. his dreams. and so kant pushes his own feelings to the side so that he could do what he needed to do - first out of necessity, then because he had no choice. but that doesn't mean those feelings aren't still there. it doesn't mean he doesn't still feel them.

but what place is there for kant's feelings? what use are they? babe needs feeding. he needs education. he needs school uniforms and books and new shoes. he needs someone there, on the outside. kant is of no use to babe in a prison cell. so what good does kant's fear do? where do his desire and his wants and his feelings get him? nowhere. dreams don't put food on the table. so he tucks them away, time and time again. he's scared, but he gets on with it because there's no other option. he wants, but he has babe to think about, so what use is it wanting anything? wanting to go somewhere, to do something, to be with someone - what's the point when he can't have any of it. he has a child to take care of, and that child's needs must always come first. that's the sacrifice any good parental figure must always make. so that's what kant has done. he's spent half of his life pushing his feelings away in favour of making sure babe is good.

why, then, would love be any different?

style can love fadel. he can want him, and he can voice it, and he can show it, because style doesn't have to think about anyone other than himself. there's no one relying on him, not the way babe relies on kant. and so if he acts stupid and reckless and falls in love with an assassin, the consequences of that will be his and his alone to deal with.

kant doesn't have that luxury - the luxury of loving bison. he never has. he has babe to think about. and on top of that, kant can't allow himself to want anything because to him, wanting is useless. it's pointless. he never gets to have what he wants. and he especially can't allow himself to want bison, not when bison is literally his get out of jail free card. kant can't go to prison because he has to look after babe. and it's the same pattern all over again: babe comes first. what kant actually wants doesn't matter.

so he locks it away. he compartmentalises it. we've seen it over and over and over: he gets angry at christ and he swallows it because he can't afford to made him mad. he gets scared and he grits his teeth and smiles. he starts to feel something real for bison, starts to see him as something other than his ticket to freedom, and in the next breath he's reminding himself (or style) that he can't. that they just need to get the job done, asap. if the captain just arrests them, then it'll be over and kant will be free and he can tuck those feelings and those wants back in their fucking boxes and he can move on. over and over and over you see him trying to convince himself of that, because that's probably what has worked before: just one more car, just one more job, just one more time.

but the problem is it's not that simple. being in such close proximity to bison and pretending to love him has shaken the walls he's put up around himself, and they've started to crumble from the foundation up. the feelings that were supposed to be fake, that were supposed to be kept on the outside of the wall have started leaking in to where the real kant is. his walls haven't fallen down, not yet, but they've been breached. and now he's knee deep in these feelings that he shouldn't be having. now, no matter how hard he tries to resist it, he wants.

i think that's what makes the scene in the bowling alley so heartbreaking for me. when i saw the preview i thought that kant was doing it for bison's benefit, to make sure he has one last good night before he's locked away. which he definitely was. but i also think for the first time in the whole show we really get to see kant - no games, no agendas, no angles. even their first meeting wasn't entirely innocent like that - kant was putting on a persona to get bison into bed. but in that bowling alley, when they're all alone and no one's looking and there's a very real chance they'll never see each other again, kant just lets himself be. he lets bison see him, even the ugly parts, the parts that have him breaking into places and cutting off the cctv and stealing from the drinks fridge. because bison told him, didn't he? that he loves every story on his body, even the fucked up ones? so in that bowling alley kant is no longer trying to be some perfect version of himself, the one with no history or flaws, the one trying so desperately to win bison over. he's not trying to be christ's informant. he's not even trying to be babe's big brother for once. he lets himself just be kant.

kant, who wants to be alone with bison in the place where they first met. kant, who laughs so hard his body can't even hold him up. kant, who sets up a fucking projector to project the northern lights all over the walls because he saw the pictures on bison's wall and knew how much he loved them. bison never told him that. but kant is thoughtful, and kant pays attention, and kant is romantic, and none of it is an act. all of it is him, loving bison despite himself. wanting him to be happy. wanting to give and give and give because that's how kant loves: by giving until there's nothing left of him. by putting himself second and the person he loves first. it's what he did for babe, isn't it?

and it's the real kant who, for just a moment, lets himself be reckless and stupid like style gets to be, like kant never gets to be, when he looks down at bison's face and says should we just get in the car and run? and means it. he poses it like a joke, but he means it. he wants it. and it's the real kant who sits in the middle of a bowling lane and plans a trip with bison, who lets himself truly want something for the first time since he was a child, probably: 15 days, kant will drive, bison will run the playlist. they'll see the northern lights and the puffins and the waterfalls. and maybe it's the freedom of knowing he'll never get to have it that makes it so much easier to allow himself to want it, but isn't that so much worse? knowing the only way he's allowed to want anything is if there's guardrails up, keeping him in line? stopping him from making the mistake of actually thinking he ever gets to have what he wants?

none of that scene was an act. none of it. in fact imo the only person he actually puts a front up with in ep 6 was style, trying to convince him to just let them go. that it doesn't matter. bc that was all bullshit and he knew it. and you can think what you want about kant's actions and his feelings up until now, but if after watching episode 6 you still genuinely don't see that kant is head over heels for bison, then you're either not paying close enough attention, or you've let your bias/dislike of his character cloud your ability to be objective about what you're seeing, and i mean that. he is so obvious.

just because kant isn't expressing his conflict or his discomfort or his feelings the way style is doesn't mean he doesn't feel any of it. he does. his words are lies. we've already established that about him. but his conflict and his love are written all over him, all over his face, all over in his actions. the love he feels for bison is delicate and it's fragile but it's undeniably there. and if you don't see that then i genuinely feel sorry for you because you're not only missing out on half the plot, but you're also missing out on something so genuinely beautiful it makes my bones ache.

[switch-writer]

Giggles in the Wind

A/N: HELLO @tklpilled ! I was your Squealing Santa this year! I’ll be real, I haven’t actually PLAYED genshin impact except for once since Fontaine came out to get Neuvillette, so I was veeeery nervous about putting Genshin into my writing fandoms this year and figured if I did get one of the newer characters, I’d just speed through the game. BUT! I am possibly the biggest Scaramouche/Wanderer fan (other than you) out there! I was so excited when I saw Scara was the character you wanted written for! Ive loved reading your fics, especially with Scara so I was so glad I was able to write something with Scara for all the joy and writing of him you’ve given me and others! I’ve adored writing this fic for you and it was so much fun to come back to after taking a bit of a writing break before this. I hope you enjoy!! Also! Special thanks to our host this year! Our host was very very sweet as all of them tend to be and I want to thank our host for going through all the hard work to get this year of squealing Santa ready, especially with all the issues at first! Our host kept going despite the issues and it’s been an amazing squealing Santa! Thank you again! Enjoy the read!

Word Count: 1610 (before any edits)

Prompts: 1. character genuinely believing they're not ticklish and being proven wrong. 2. character refusing to admit they're ticklish while in the midst of laughter

Summary: After some denial, Traveler helps Scaramouche/Wanderer recall something rather foggy and distant in his memory with giggles and tickles.

Warnings: Tickles

“What—?” The Wanderer sneered upon being asked such a question by this.. silly, stupid… relax. Peaceful thoughts… or whatever the young god of wisdom told him to do… something like that, right?

Scaramouche’s thinking slowly… relaxed. The traveler. Oh the traveler, Aether always seemed to shock him in one way or another, whether it was by perplexing him or just saying something downright ridiculous to him.

“Ticklish.” Aether calmly spoke with a tone as soft as a… feather for lack of a better word.

“…Ticklish. Am I?” Another sneer. “Are you?”

Well… truth be told, Wanderer couldn’t recall if he had ever been tickled, not a memory to connect it with. Ever since he became.. well.. wanderer, some memories were.. foggy. He knew the word, ticklish, yet nothing was clicking with what it actually was. So no way he was ticklish. Whatever it was.

“No.”

The man with ravenette hair chose to deny, surely he wasn’t if he couldn’t remember. Ugh, stupid blurry memories. Sometimes he wished he didn’t just recall those horrible memories of what he’s done and actual positive ones! ..not that there were many.

“…I don’t really believe you.” The traveler spoke rather bluntly, causing Scara’s eyes to widen. “Then why did you even ask?!” He questioned with a rather cold tone, it’s like Aether didn’t think he knew what he was talking about! And… admittedly, Scara didn’t have a clue of what he was talking about, but that only served to fuel his defensive response!

“…I was hoping you’d be honest?” Aether claimed in the form of a unsure statement before adding onto his words. “No way anyone is truly not ticklish…” The traveler seemed to think upon his bold statement.

“…Well maybe I’m the exception. I’m not ticklish.” The anemo user attempted to declare. “Right, right.” Traveler agreed as Scara’s eyes softened as he sighed in relief. “Thank you.” He spoke calmly, his manners taught by Nahida showing through now that he was relaxed. Now he tried to brainstorm again, what was that tickling thing? It couldn’t of been normal, it had to be some weird thing people did that he would probably hate—

“gYAHAA—!” Before the puppet could hesitate or even hold it back, the… rather embarrassing in his opinion, sound left his lips, mixing with some… chuckle? That didn’t feel normal… and memories flew back into his head, no longer blurry or foggy…

Did he really sound like that? Scara cringed upon recalling a few moments back in his past life where he’d be laughing so hard that he couldn’t even think straight! No way he was that t…ticklish—

“EhehAAH—!” His body contours away from the sensation, his neck snapping itself over to face Aether.

No.

He knew that look.

“So you are ticklish.” The multiple element wielding traveler spoke the obvious in a taunting way, although playful. Meanwhile… Wanderer was cringing. Hard. This was so stupid, he thought.. it was so vulnerable, he thought.

“Am not!” He tried to deny adamantly, sticking his nose up. “I’ll have you know that—“ and blah blah blah— yeah yeah yeah… it didn’t go much further than those words before he was tumbling into the grass with the blonde haired boy on top of him, straddling his hips.

“A-Aether!” The ravenette tried to protest as Aether hummed in acknowledgement, lifting his shirt as a wave of dread washed over Scara… oh he recalled that feeling.

“w-wait.” Scaramouche softly spoke, his voice quiet yet gentle. “I-I know what I said… but I.. uh, don’t recall anything about this but that it feels… weird.”

“…Weird?” The traveler repeated as the puppet awkwardly nodded. “Weird..” “pfft— weird, huh?” Aether jokes, but seemed to be considerate of Wanderer. “I’ll start nice, how about that? I’ll let you have a warm up round. Just tell me where to start.” Where to start… he’ll be gentle and kind, what is there to worry about? Aha… erm… where should he start?

“…Hips?” “Oh you don’t want me to start there.” A pant of surprise appeared on Scaramouche’s face as he scrunched his nose. “Wh—?! Fine! You choose then!” And back to the grumpy old Scaramouche from before, he was practically pouting and crossing his arms… perfect!

“Oh Scara, don’t get all moody on me.. I’ll have to tickle all the grumpiness out of you.” Aether smiled softly as his fingers began to spider up his belly. The anemo user practically choked, a loud gasp escaping him as he clamped down his lips, his cheeks puffing.

“…Oh?”

“Mm—! Hmhmhph!”

“Prideful, are we?” The playful words left Aether’s mouth as he shook his head. “You’re gonna get it.”

As much as Scara wanted to say something snarky, he found himself… squirming as the traveler began to wiggle his fingers across his belly again, snifling every giggle bubbling in his throat, his cheeks slowly tinting red in embarrassment and held back giggles.

“Come on, let it out… you know you want tooo…” cooed Aether. “hmm… what would make the big bad grumpy wanderer laugh…” he mused out loud as he drummed his fingers on the ravenette’s belly, causing a wobbly smile to appear on his face.

And suddenly, the blonde gasped. “I know exactly what would!” Inspiration struck… or at least he pretended it did for dramatic effect.

Scara hesitated. “W-Wha? What are you doing—“ he felt the fastest skitters behind his knee he could ever recall, a loud squawk escaping him as he desperately stomped his sandals on the floor, his cheeks puffing as he desperately tried to keep his giggles in. Surely he’d let out a little giggle?

“Darn… I would’ve thought that’d get all the giggles.” Aether loudly sighed in an attempt to get a giggle. Nothing. Sheesh, he was harder to crack than he thought… wait! Aether kept scribbling and teasing behind Wanderer’s knee, as his other hand snuck all the way back up to his ribs… and pounced!

“Pfftkk—!”

Aether looked down in awe, Scara’s eyes squeezed shut before he burst into rather free spirited laughter, soft laughter.

“yOHOhohou’re mehEHEHEAN!” Exclaimed Scara, no better insults than that were coming to mind, giggles overflowing from his throat. “Don’t be so ticklish!” Aether teased as his fingers spidered and skittered around their respective areas, his right hand on his ribs finding those fleshy spots between each bone, digging into them as his left hand would slow down, his touch light as a feather before he’d speed up once again, driving the puppet mad with sensation.

“I’m—! N-nghhh—! N-NOHohot tihihihicklish—!” He fibbed through giggles stubbornly, refusing to admit it.

“You aren’t—?” Aether narrowed his eyes, skeptical and clearly onto his lie… yet, with all his pride, he claimed with his chest.

“I’m nohohot tihihihicklish!” The anemo user spoke through soft giggling, refusing to back down from his fib. Which… opened the door for something even worse.

“You’re not? Fine, fine..” Aether spoke in a dramatic tone, as his body shifted down to sit on his thighs, hands suddenly grabbed onto the wanderer’s hips.. which sparked a brief moment of confusion before… the blonde squeezed his hips once.

“NnnGGHH—!” Scara bit back with everything he could… but Aether squeezed his hip again, causing a burst of giggles. oh no.

Aether finally positioned his hands properly, massaging his fingers into the hipbone as his fingers squeezed and massaged the area, attacking the short(er) man’s nerves, finally getting a fit of that rather sweet and squeaky laughter.

“ehEHE—! Ahaha-! AHA!”

Unfortunately, it also cause Scara to start kicking.. again, but this time, rather uncontrollably, as if trying to buck Aether off his legs.

“Woah!” Aether yelped as he quickly dug into the ravenette’s hips, causing Scaramouche to throw his head back in hysterical laughter, a small snort escaping.

“H-HEHEey! A-AehEHETHER!” Squeaked out Wanderer, his nose scrunching as his smile was brighter than ever as he loosely tried to use his hands to halfheartedly shove the traveler’s tickling fingers away, barely any effort or strength in his push.

“Hm? Yes—“ Aether was cut off as he acknowledged Scara, a frantic giggle escaping from him as his back arched up. Ah, a sensitive spot on his hip… or did his fingers drift back towards his belly? Aether couldn’t tell.

Yet, Scara’s hand on Aether’s wrist never moved as he laughed, his head thrown back with his eyes squeezed shut… red cheeks and those frantic wheezes coming from him before he’d get more air and let out another boyish laugh.

“Wanderer?” Aether softly called as his fingers halted upon hearing the wheeze, tilting his head. “…All good?”

After a few deep breaths… giggles escape again, soft relaxed ones as Scaramouche gave a nod, keeping his head thrown back to just… rest right there… his hands releasing Aether’s wrists as he began to wind down.

“You may be the most ticklish in all of Teyvat—“ Aether teases.

“Sh-Shuhuhut up—! S-Shhh—!” Scara’s cheeks burned red as more breathless giggles escaped, his smile failing to turn downwards into a frown as he laid there…

The breeze blew on their skin, the sun of sumeru shining brightly upon them… adding to the peacefulness of it all.

“…Do you want more?” The traveler teased.

“Ohoho shuhut up!” Scaramouche snickered, shoving the blonde as he finally sat up… and put his hat which had fallen off back on, the small fabric pieces on the back of his hat flowing in the wind as the ravenette stared at the twin from under the hat…

Silence in the wind.

“…So, now that you’ve taught me how it works…” Scara began, his voice mischievous as he cracked a smirk. “…Are you ticklish?”

And came the giggles in the wind once more…

[majoryeager104]

𝑮𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑴𝒐𝒐𝒏

007

𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕

"𝑀𝑜𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑑𝑟𝑜𝑤𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑠．" － 𝑗． 𝑟． 𝑟． 𝑡.

Summary: an au where Touya was taken into custody after his initial fight with Shoto. Touya convinced you to take him outside, and the two of you finally have a moment to talk. Really talk.

Warnings: none

Touya Todoroki x gn!childhood friend reader

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“can we go outside?”

His question caught you off guard, but didn’t really surprise you. It seemed like every time you came in he was looking out that window, it was no wonder he would ask. And yet, the rules authorities had set for this environment stood in the way of fulfilling his wish.

“I… I’m not sure about that” you said softly, but he didn’t really give you a chance to elaborate before he was close to you again, his fingers interlocking with yours as he looked at you.

“it would be just us, you know I’m not gonna try anything stupid, I just…I wanna get out of here. Even for just a minute” he pleaded softly, his quiet words making your heart race, just by the genuine hope in his voice, you found it adorable.

You sighed, nodding. You couldn’t really say no when he seemed so desperate. “It’ll be difficult sneaking you out…but okay.”

He smiled, a real, genuine smile. The first you’d seen on him in forever. “Great.” He said, his voice gruff but quiet. What an interesting sight, one of the world’s most dangerous people, smiling so warmly at you. You couldn’t help but smile back, before quickly leaving, walking towards the door while he watched.

“I’ll be back to get you tonight.” You said softly, before quickly leaving and shutting the door behind you, not giving him the opportunity to make your heart race any further.

You stood outside of the door for a minute, taking a deep breath. It had been so, so long since he’d held your hands, let alone looked at you like that. You’d wondered if he hated you for making him go through all this, thought he wouldn’t look at you like that again after all of this ‘rehabilitation’ was over. So needless to say, his upfront demeanor had thrown you off quite a bit.

And yet, you couldn’t help but smile at the fact that you couldn’t be more wrong as you walked back down the small hallway. And now, you were the desperate one. Desperate for confirmation that he still cared, or maybe desperate for him to look at you like that again. Maybe both. Didn’t seem to matter much in the long run, not when you were anticipating seeing him again as you watched the clock for the rest of the day. Silly, how much you checked your watch like it was a date, when he was right down the hall.

——

‘tonight’ came later than Touya expected. It was dark outside his window, and he was reading a book that Rei had recommended for him by lamplight when you knocked. “Come in” he said quietly, not peeling his gaze from the book until he realized it was you. “Hey” you said quietly, standing in the doorway. “When you said tonight I didn’t think you meant almost midnight” he teased, sliding a bookmark between the pages before shutting the novel and standing up, setting it on his bedside table.

You rubbed the back of your neck, shrugging “well, I had to wait till everyone else was asleep so no one would ask too many questions. You know they’d worry.” You replied, but honestly, you’d just been too nervous to go in any earlier and had to mentally cheer yourself on as you knocked.

He stared at you for a moment, a small smirk rested on his face as he finally shrugged, sliding on his jacket. “Alright, whatever.” He said, walking up to you. “So…can we leave?” He took your hand, as if trying to ease your nerves because he knew damn well you had them. You nodded, pulling him out the door. “You better not get me in trouble” you whispered, quietly leading him down the hallway. He chuckled, rolling his eyes as he followed along, his hand still in yours.

You snuck him out the back door pretty quickly, shutting the door quietly behind you both. It was freezing cold out, with snow still littering the backyard.

It was already late February, and before you know it, the snow would melt away and be replaced with flowers and green grass. But until then, Touya would wrap his jacket around your shoulders because he knew you were freezing, and you’d accept it with a blush that he could barely see in the dark, but by the gentle moonlight shining over you.

He didn’t even bring the jacket for himself. He didn’t need it, but he knew you would. So when he saw your blush, and the surprised look on your face, he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“come on” he smiled, grabbing your hand and pulling you out into the snow. You couldn’t help but laugh at how childish he seemed, happily marching out into the cold, completely unaffected due to the warmth radiating from his body, his ability. As kids, you’d always joked that you wished you could swap quirks with him in the winter, and maybe he’d learn how you felt in the cold. You always hated it, but you braved the chill because you knew he loved it, and you knew you loved him.

“finally some fresh air”

he teased, grabbing your other hand as well as he faced you, watching your breath puff out and disappear in the dim light. You looked so beautiful like this- screw that, you were always beautiful. He grinned, leaning in close.

“wanna snowball fight?”

“absolutely not!”

He laughed, tilting his head as he began to tug you along, spinning in circles, mindlessly dancing as snow fell around you. “Come onnn” he chuckled, leaning in even closer. You laughed, shaking your head. “Too cold!” You said simply, giggling even more as his hands immediately began to warm yours, putting that heat to good use. “How about now?” “Still no!”

He laughed again, the spinning and dancing coming to a slow stop as he looked down at you, his smile fading away as he stared at you, his body carefully pressed against yours, breath in sync, his eyes searching your face for a moment before he finally kissed you. Everything about it seemed so perfect, like he’d been planning this out for ages. Maybe he was, you were never entirely sure.

His warm hand pulled away from yours and ran up and down your back, pulling you impossibly closer. You took that as an opportunity to tangle your fingers in his hair, sighing quietly as your nerves finally eased. He chuckled as he pulled away, giving you another quick kiss before he did.

He had a lazy smile on his face, as if he was dazed by the kiss, and yet perfectly content. You couldn’t help but giggle as he once again intertwined your fingers with his. “I love you” he said quietly, his expression so warm, but his tone so serious, like he was pleading for you to believe him. And you did.

“I love you too” you whispered, smiling softly. At that, his smile grew wider. Pleased with himself for dragging you out here and managing to pull that off, he began to kiss you again.

“hey! He’s not supposed to- ew”

Natsuo’s voice startled you both as he stood in the back door with a flashlight that he shone over you two at the absolute wrong time, a disgusted look on his face.

“you know what? You two do whatever I don’t really care anyway”

he said, walking back in and shutting the door. You glanced back at Touya in shock as a blush crept across your face, all the while Touya watched the window as Natsuo pulled up the blinds to give him a thumbs up before he left. Touya rolled his eyes, looking back down at you.

“we should probably go before he snitches to the rest of em” he said gruffly, kissing your forehead before guiding you back through the snow. “Yeah..” you said breathlessly, blinking as snow fell over your face while you walked. You watched him as you did, the dim moonlight illuminating his figure against the snow. He’s a disfigured, burnt up mess, so why did you find him so beautiful?

He dusted the snow off your shoulders and kicked his boots off on the porch before walking in, watching you do the same. He held the door for you, and slid his jacket off your shoulders as you walked in, as if trying to be gentlemanly despite being so awkward in his movements, but its the thought that counts, right?

You walked with him down the hallway, stopping at his door as he turned to look at you. “That was nice. Thanks.” He said it so quietly you’d think he was sad. Maybe he was, now his time outside was over, but once again you found he had that unreadable expression on his face.

“of course, Tou-“

he didnt let you finish before he kissed you again. It was a quick peck on the lips, but it was just enough to have you blushing. “…’night, y/n” he winked, smiling like an idiot back at you as he opened his door.

“…goodnight”

you said quietly, watching as he gave you one last smile before shutting the door between you once again.

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𝚃𝚊𝚐 𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 <𝟹 @greenmanshoe @shaunarcanine @sugurusmoon @hktfbuo @sweetlike-sugarplum (lmk if you wanna join it)

grrr this had me giggling just writing it

Happy new years!!

[necroquasar]

I don't CARE if the game is bad they're MY blorbos

[messiahzzz]

When I came across that "joke" from Tav to Quill and Z'rell's comment (plus Halsin), I had to take a minute to process what happened. Gale might be a bit silly and eccentric but he's the kindest, sweetest and most passionate character in that party. No wonder the poor man has deep insecurities to solve, so many people reduce him to an easy target! Ofc one of the side effects would be overconfidence and ambition as a defense mechanism. He's obv lonely; only Tara and Morena ever loved him for him.

his eccentric nature might be a part of it. he is loquacious, outgoing, and doesn’t see the point in hiding his enthusiasm. he is considered to be the weird one. naturally, wizards in general being seen as somewhat squishy and physically weak might also add to it.

personally, i really don’t like the implications of the (widely considered) autistic-coded character being the one who faces the most ridicule by far by other characters and fans (and larian) alike.

some might disagree with me on that, but i don’t find it funny by any means either. mostly it just makes me feel bad. “he deserves it. cocky, arrogant, hubris-ridden wizard needs to be taken down a peg” like he isn’t… y’know… already at his lowest. it also disregards the fact that much of his bravado is part of his carefully curated Great Wizard of Waterdeep™ persona that he has skillfully adopted to mask his general feeling of being defective. being fiercely proud of your skill and knowledge and being doubtful of having something truly worthwhile to offer are mindsets that can coexist. according to fandom, gale is either secret hubris incarnate that is only waiting to be unleashed upon the world or pure baby that can do no wrong. instead of a character that is just as flawed and traumatized as all the others, but no less deserving of genuine love.

to me, the constant ridicule just reads as further feeding into his deep-rooted insecurities and his belief that he (as gale, the person) isn’t someone who holds inherent worth. it really, really doesn’t sit well with me.

[alongtidesoflight]

so here's my honest thoughts on dragon age: the veilguard, after ~40 hours of playing. i finished the main quest after having finished all companion quests and major faction quests. just to clear up what content i saw, i played as an elven transmasc rook who is a member of the lords of fortune. he romanced lucanis (although after finishing the game i'm now leaning towards taash). i don't know what's happening in playthroughs that have a different race, gender identity, romance or faction going on.

full spoilers ahead, i mean it. don't read further if you want to avoid them. i don't want complaining about it in my asks.

oh and also, if you're worried because of a few negative reviews online i can comfort you by saying don't give a fuck about a certain big name youtuber who is very much tied to bethesda franchises giving this a negative review. i'll explain why.

i'm starting off with the things i liked

the game looks really pretty. i was worried it wouldn't feel like thedas anymore (with them trying to "focus on northern thedas only" i thought they'd make a clear cut in environmental design. they do and they don't. it's complicated. i'll elaborate on it when talking about the negative stuff). anyway it does. minrathous feels like kirkwall. treviso enchanted me like the winter palace did. the hossberg wetlands reminded me of the hinterlands and a couple other inquisition maps. arlathan looked like... arlathan. the crossroads were different, but familiar. overall i like the way it looks and feels. it's thedas, with a twist. it's a good one, and gives everything a solid but unique feel.

combat is top tier. if you're a hardcore dragon age player you WILL miss the tactical aspect of it for a bit, but i promise you, once you're used to the way the combat works, you will be lapping that shit up. and once you get to ability combos you'll mourn the control you used to have over your companions in battle a bit less

the MAIN quest and its story. i expected worse, way worse. and for a while the game even had me tricked (harr harr you'll get it in a second) it is Really That Much Worse. but holy shit was it good. i walked away satisfied ngl.

your choices have SOLID weight. there's consequences, good AND bad. i got minrathous blighted, ruled over by venatori, and the leader of the shadow dragons ultimately died because of my decisions. i made those at the beginning and throughout the game. he died at the end. DAVRIN died because i didn't expect what i was saying to have that much weight. i thought i was in the clear. he had hero status. well turns out, your choices can still get your companions killed even if you do everything right. i fucking love him. he shouldn't have made that sacrifice just because i told him to do everything it takes once.

the inquisitor, morrigan and dorian being there, surprisingly. there's also negatives to this though, see below.

speaking of companions dying and the inquisitor playing a bigger role: the final quest feels like me2's suicide mission. i was blown away by it and the fact that i got to see the results of all my efforts playing out in front of me.

bioware are NOT trying to redeem solas. they love him as a character yes, but i wasn't forced to see any good in him. he betrays you. he fucked my rook over twice. he fucked him over right back, for good this time (the veil wasn't torn down, i anchored it by binding him to it, he's doomed to uphold it). but solas really lives up to his name as the trickster elven god. rip to all the people who grew really attached to him over the years.

varric died. if you like him that's probably as hard reading it as it was watching it. varric died and the game lies about it until the very end. when the realisation hits, it hurts. but in the very best way.

the amount of care they put into gender expression and trans identities this time around. (i'll add onto this with negative points as well too).

rook feels very much ingrained in the world of thedas. he doesn't ask questions that expose the player to lore through dialogue as if he's stepped foot into thedas for the first time. those conversations feel very solid and good. i hope other faction players got as much joy out of this as i did.

and the things i didn't like and boy there's a lot unfortunately

the music. let's just get that out of the way holy shit. it doesn't feel like it belongs in this universe. it gets so incredibly sci-fi-y at times you'd think it's taken straight from mass effect andromeda. there's not a single song unique to veilguard that i really enjoyed. it broke my immersion, real bad. hearing a busker play the tavern songs from inquisition on a lute right after i killed some venatori with wobbly bass songs playing in the background is just odd. weird tonal shift. don't like it. it's made for people who like flashy light-weight cinema.

tevinter nights is required reading. the podcasts are required listening exercises. the game is so fast paced, especially at the start, that there's no time to introduce you to characters and how much weight their names carry in-game. i would not have known who half these people are if i hadn't skimmed over tevinter nights. i'd care even less about them than i already did. there is no time to get properly attached to them. people will act as if you're talking to a legend personified and you'll be thinking man goddamn which chapter of tevinter night were they in again and what did they do???

there's a weird mismatch with the animations. you'll have beautifully fluid ones, like emmrich casting spells. and then you'll have rook's face animating in the most unnatural manner that's sorta reminiscent of mass effect andromeda's "my face is tired" addison, when their emotions SHOULD be landing with the player rn instead.

i'm not vibing with the art style. sometimes it works. most of the time it doesn't. at points i felt like i was watching tangled.

that also brings me to some of the dialogue. same issue. i am watching frozen. i am watching tangled. someone on the writer's team really likes the adorkable trope. bellara is its victim.

for all the talk about identity, bioware sure doesn't like theirs. the grey warden armor got a redesign again and it just makes them look like a generic army. i hate it lol

in general, i don't like the armor design. the wardrobe/appearances system is fine, but it's just not helping if all the armors are just... kinda bland or downight bad looking? and don't get me started on the lords of fortune armor. that is orientalism personified.

the world states should have been carried over, full stop. i know they said they didn't because they want to separate what happens in the north from what happens in the south, which... i could have lived with that. but the inquisitor sends you letters that keep you up to date on... the south of thedas. you learn that there's a blight again, that people are standing strong but it's difficult, denerim's fallen, the rulers are taking care of it, orlais is fighting and they're successful for a while, etc etc. what's good bioware. i thought we don't care about the south this time around. why are you feeding me so much boring generic information. if you're not gonna show any of it and just write letters, then carrying the world state over should not have been an issue. i have a game dev background. those few lines of code would not have broken your budget or pushed your engine's limits. fuck right off.

this gripe of mine carries over to all the cameos. as a lord of fortune you have to deal with isabela a lot. it's fun. i missed her. you get to go drinking with her and taash and bellara! also my hawke romanced her. she's not mentioned once. they had the opportunity to put a sentence or two about her in there with not a lot of effort, trust me.

when varric dies, all she has is a single line about it. for gold, for fortune, for varric. she only says it if you interact with her on your way to the final push. that's not mandatory.

morrigan is there. kieran isn't. the old god soul that mythal and then solas absorbed? who cares at this point, the gods are dead now and solas is locked away for eternity. i suppose? why is morrigan there. she feels unneeded. i wish they'd just left her down south, at least that way i wouldn't have had to witness her god awful redesign.

dorian at least feels as if he belongs in this story. the shadow dragons are a crucial part to protecting minrathous. he's also weirdly underutilised. isabela and morrigan had more lines than him in my playthrough.

on the topic of romance: bro that was underwhelming. no, genuinely. you know when romance picked up a bit? after the point of no return. i heard maybe two lines of companion banter about it before that. maybe i missed something which i honestly doubt, but romance did not play much of a role in lucanis's storyline. i saved his grandmother as he wished me to (and if you read tevinter nights you know she was rather abusive and their relationship not the healthiest) and told him to focus on his family. a reunified family my rook wasn't even introduced to as a partner at the end of all that.

really, do not buy this game if you're only in it for the romances. others might be better, lucanis's basically gave me nothing. except for an outing (the second coffee date i had with him, it was getting repetitive) all of it played out once i committed to the final quest. the sex scene was a fade to black. annoyingly right after davrin died. if you're looking for well paced and good spice, pick up something else. the sweet talk and the final goodbye were nice though.

for all the good the ever-presence of gender identity does, it is brought up in such a disruptive manner too. it doesn't even play out naturally if you CHOOSE the lines that are meant to be said. hearing the words trans and non-binary in this setting doesn't feel right, and i'm saying this as a trans guy. i think it could have been handled more gracefully. the amount of times my rook went "i'm a MAN" as if he's about to start drumming on his chest and roaring any second now got super nerve-grating. "i'm so glad you're into me... the me who is trans. remember?" just. tell me one trans person who'd talk like that to a person they've grown close with and are trying to romance. this game doesn't handle sexuality well, so all this hey my body might not look like the way you're expecting it to look talk amounts to nothing anyway. i feel about this the way i feel about krem: this is partial exposition to trans experiences... packaged up for cis consumption. the ONLY exception to that is interacting with taash. holy shit was all of that heartwarming and bro did it feel good and natural to talk to them about theirs and rook's gender.

rivain and nevarra are new locations added by veilguard. they're also incredibly underwhelming, small and constricted maps. rivain is a coastline with a few ruins. the hall of valor is a partial ruin nestled into a cave on a beach, with a fighting pit. isabela is there in her skimpy outfit commentating your pit fights. that's it. i'm sorry if you were looking for a bustling pirate cove or whatever. you're not gonna get it. the nevarran crypts btw are a long ass dungeon crawl. that's it.

speaking of maps. i thought people were being dramatic when they said you're gonna be fighting the same enemies on them again and again. i thought they were figure of speeching it. they're not. you WILL fight the same amount of enemies. in the same spot. every time you reload the map. best to stay on a map and clear out the enemies and do as much questing on that map as you can before leaving, because you WILL have to do it all over again once you return.

the three choices i made for my inquisitor didn't matter lol she didn't have to face solas and therefore couldn't stop him at any cost as she had sworn (maybe because my rook tricked solas into binding himself to the veil, there was also an option to fight him. would she have stepped in? who knows). blackwall wasn't mentioned. and either her using a small amount of her forces in the final fight was the reason the civilians of minrathous fared so well..... or it just didn't matter. ultimately i think she had very little impact on anything

[furashuban]

One of my absolute positive thoughts on S3 is that it has my most favourite soundtrack by Ryan Carlson of any season, might even go out of my way and say that S3 has the best soundtrack in the whole series :0 Listening to a few songs from it after so long single-handedly saved me from a terrible mood tonight, I just love getting lost in each song and reliving the scenes they were made for.

(This is also another way of me saying that "The End" is—and I mean this genuinely with no exaggeration—the GREATEST song from a TV series soundtrack I have ever listened to and to ever grace television and animation <33)

[carouselunique]

Is it true that there's no animosity between you and... you know, you know who. You never talk about her in any way. I guess I'm curious. You guys seemed like really close friends and then just weren't friends at all. And there was some stuff she said that seemed very targeted at you...

I don't know if she feels any animosity toward me or not any more. Our mutual friends have said she doesn't and I take them on their word in that regard, assuming that if they have an answer for me it's because they're aware how she feels. I wouldn't know and it's not my place to put words in her mouth.

I haven't spoken to her/about her in a long time and the only time she even crosses my mind is when people bring her up to me. As for me feeling any animosity? I'll admit my feelings on her these days are complicated and way too nuance-core for people who aren't my friends to hear about but I wouldn't call them animosity in any way. I inherently want people my friends care about to live well because I care about my friends, and anyone my friends care about by proxy and I still share friends with her. I would never wish ill on people my friends care about so animosity doesn't fit into that by definition. I'd say I'm hurt more than anything and even then I've worked through a lot of it with trusted friends who have helped me deal with my emotions in a healthy way.

(Besides, my own life struggles keep me from even being able to invest time into animosity. I have to expend that energy loving my family, doing my best to support them during our struggles. And I've never been a hateful person it isn't in me. I would rather play 'Hot To Go' by Chappell Roan and teach my dad how to do the hand gestures to help him strengthen his muscles again than focus on hating anyone...)

I try not to think about her because it hurts. I often think that people forget that I'm a real person outside of her sphere, and that I wouldn't want to talk about what happened because I truly did consider her a friend for a long time. And when someone I consider a friend appears to not regard me with care any more suddenly and I don't even have closure on that... well... it hurts... A lot. Of course I never talk about it.

And I'm not stupid, I have seen some stuff she's said that I've gathered was about me. I remind myself that she has a right to vent in her own spaces and I truly mean that... it's just a shame that her own spaces have people who then have taken these things to me to show me (after all, I wouldn't have even seen these things myself if not for third-party anons going 'this u?') saying it is my own fault because I was a terribly cruel friend or my own fault for not listening to warnings about her when I had the chance and that makes me a stupid gullible bitch. You lot haven't seen some of the awful shit about me from some of her more ravenous fans and haters I've seen over the years that I've had to let roll off my back in the fear it would bring backlash - not even to me, to her. I don't want to be the cause of any hatred going to anyone.

Also I'm just not going to ever talk about the details of our fallen friendship or our fallen relationship. That's private. She might be a public person to some extent but I never was, even if I do gain some measure of small fandom for my work one day I'm just private about personal matters especially raw ones. I almost deleted this ask entirely but Idk I never stated that it bothers me when people talk to me about her from my own mouth, so I guess that's what this ramble is.

If you send me anything about Lily Orchard it will not be addressed. I am not a part of her life not even through our mutual friends. I do not know or care what's going on with her public/personal life. I haven't kept up. I will never keep up. Don't treat me as an extension of the situation because I am not in the situation. In the most plainly stated sense of the word: Leave me the Hell alone. (...pretty please.)

All I've wanted this entire time was to be left alone to process everything in a healthy, peaceful way. I'm workin' on it.

[frenchy-and-the-sea]

There is a very exquisite agony in playing a game you love so so so so so much, and realizing that one of the other players is trying to play a totally different game than you.