#I genuinely think there were like 10 failed attempts on gem's life

[luckyofthelawnvariety]

Gemini "I'm not mad at you for trying to kill me, I just wish you were better at it" Tay vs. the server's red and yellow names. You will NOT BELIEVE who wins until the final MINUTE OF THE SESSION

[thesleepiesthufflepuff]

My Favorite Fics 2020

Alrighty. I read a decent amount of fanfiction this year (mostly thanks to Wizards Hearts/Game of Drarry), and I’m here to list out some of my very favorites. Thank you to all of the creators out there who put so much time, effort, and energy into creating beautiful stories, and here’s to lots of reading in the new year 💜 also, this is in no particular order and all rec notes are from my personal fic tracker spreadsheet (if anyone wants details on how I set up my spreadsheet, etc. please feel free to send an ask!) 💕

1) Change on the Horizon by Static_abyss / @static-abyss [Explicit, 118.6k,]

When things settle down after the war, Harry has trouble figuring out who he’s supposed to be and what’s expected of him. At the same time, Draco finds himself having to decide between what his parents want and what he wants for himself. Together, Harry and Draco embark on a journey to figure out who they are as individuals and what that means for their future together.

A canon AU drarry fic based on the relationship between Mickey and Ian from Shameless.

Hands down one of the best fics I've ever read. Ana did the most amazing job at translating Micky and Ian's relationship to Harry and Draco, although it’s definitely not necessary to know Shameless in order to enjoy the story. The writing is stunning, and I loved every single bit of this

2) I’ll Play Your Game by JayseHasNoGrace [Mature, 52.2k]

After quitting the Auror department at the ripe old age of twenty two, Harry Potter finds a nice, uneventful job in an apothecary. At least, it's uneventful until his old rival Draco Malfoy comes into the shop.

They strike up an unlikely friendship, which evolves into an increasingly convoluted scheme, which then snowballs spectacularly out of control into a tangle of lies and blurred lines.

They'd agreed to a fake relationship — in Harry's case, to get the wizarding world to take him off his 'perfect saviour' pedestal, and in Draco's case, just to be given a chance in wizarding society at all — but neither of them expected just how difficult that might really turn out to be. Especially when the stakes grow ever higher, and they both start falling for each other. Just a little bit.

FAKE DATING!!! Ugh, this was so good. I love the media aspect of it, and the way that everything comes together is just brilliant. A must-read for anyone who loves fake dating!!

3) I Can be Your Lighthouse by orpheous87 / @orpheous87 [Teen, 4k]

When Harry gets called to investigate reports of Dark magic, the last thing he expects to find is an almost unconscious Draco Malfoy. After multiple instances, he resolves to find out what's going on.

inspired by the song The Lighthouse by The Used.

So, so sweet. I love Harry's determination to figure out what's going on. This is such a lovely fic, and I enjoyed every minute of it

4) Freedom to be by Quicksilvermaid / @quicksilvermaid [Explicit, 169.5k]

Harry Potter is the Boy Who Lived.

12 years after the war, he's become the Boy Who Lived For Everyone Else. He has the perfect wife. The perfect house. The perfect job. The perfect friends.

Only nothing feels perfect.

Until one day he stumbles across a club called Release and begins a journey of self-discovery that takes him to a very different place.

This left such an impact on me, and it’s a fic I think about often. I can't even begin to explain how incredible everything about this is.

5) Dear Diary by AWickedMemory (TeddyLaCroix) [Teen, 20.4k]

// This can’t possibly go worse than the last time I kept a diary. //

After the war, Harry picks up a journal to write in… and it writes back. Luckily, it’s not a Horcrux on the other end this time.

Absolutely amazing. The relationship that develops between Harry and Draco as they write to each other was so soft and wonderful, and I would easily read 100k of this!

6) Grounds for Divorce by Tepre [Explicit, 122.2k]

Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter.

A story about histories, a story about families. A story about a lemon tree somewhere in Upper Egypt.

I loved this. It was so angsty at times, but well worth it. An absolute classic that I’m so pleased to be able to say I’ve read.

7) Nero Su Bianco by Zuzallove [Explicit, 40.5k]

September 1997. Hogwarts is under the regime of Voldemort and the Carrows. Finding himself alienated by both his friends and his supposed enemies, Draco puts quill to parchment, and writes letters. He addresses them to the only person he can think of, as Hogwarts rapidly falls into chaos and ruin: Harry Potter. He goes to great lengths to ensure the letters are never discovered, and he’s pretty certain he’s done a great job.

Until the day of his trial.

The letters were so much fun to read, even though they were heartbreaking at times. I loved Draco’s characterization in this, as well as how his relationship develops with Harry.

8) Thunder by Keyflight790 [Explicit, 21.5k]

The storm will disappear; the rain will subside; but what's left in its wake will last forever. A story of love and loss, redemption and thunder

I really loved how well Draco's addiction was written. I'm not a huge fan of past relationships, but this was done in such a beautiful way. Plus, talking to dragons!!!

9) dirtynumbangelboy by magpie_fngrl [Explicit, 39.4k]

After Harry’s unfortunate encounter with his ex, Draco Malfoy makes him a proposition. Draco wants his parents to stop matchmaking him and Harry wants to make his ex jealous. All they need to do is simply pretend they’re in love. Problem is… Draco already is.

Amazing. This has absolutely sucked me into the world of fake dating. I could ramble about this forever, to be honest. Simply incredible, and I love how snarky their relationship was. It was the epitome of a good Drarry fic.

10) just tell me when it’s alright by M0stlyVoid / @bonesliketambourines [Explicit, 23k]

Harry’s been fighting tooth and nail for any bit of normalcy he can get his hands on. He’s sick of feeling like something’s wrong with him, tired of feeling different. He thinks he’s finally gotten to the root of it, and has settled into a routine that makes him happy. Naturally, that’s when Draco Malfoy walks back into his life and upends it once again. Has Harry bitten off more than he can chew with his former rival?

YES!! I genuinely loved Harry’s clinginess. This fic was absolutely amazing, and the secret dating was lovely. Plus, bi awakening!!

11) When Hippogriffs and Pygmy Puffs Collide by oldenuf2nb [Mature, 32.7k]

Harry Potter bakes cakes, brilliantly. Draco Malfoy inks tattoos, brilliantly. Owls deliver post, including messages from clients, with an occasional lack of brilliance.

I was really surprised at how much I loved this, especially since I’ve not really read many fics with odd jobs. I absolutely adored the fact that Harry was a baker and Draco was a tattoo artist, and the characterizations were absolute perfection

12) You Send Me (Honest You Do) by firethesound [Explicit, 37k]

As far as potion accidents go in general, and deaging incidents go in particular, Draco knew this could have been so much worse. Harry only lost about ten years, and all his memories are still intact. But the sight of him looking as if he’s stepped straight out of Draco’s Hogwarts memories has dredged up a whole mess of complicated feelings Draco thought he’d buried years ago, and Draco really doesn’t know what to do with any of it.

I absolutely adored this, and I thought the de-aging aspect was done is such a tasteful way. Such a good read.

13) Highly (in)Compatible by daisymondays [Teen, 36.8k]

Draco’s been shagging The Prat Who Lived on and off for a few months when his soul mark starts to change. Draco’s had to accept a lot of adjustments to his life, but accepting that Harry Potter could be his soulmate is one step too far. It can’t be true? Can it?

I LOVED THIS! Oh man, that ending!  Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant

14) Kiss the Joy (Until the Sun Rise) by ICMezzo [Mature, 37.8k]

The Room of Requirement was severely damaged in the war, but not so much that it could not provide for one lost student and another young hero—especially when they needed each other most of all.

An amazing, beautiful, tender fic! The ROR has given them the gift of each other, and I honestly love that it's just the two of them and no other characters. An incredible and soft read

15) December Never Felt So Wrong by MaesterChill / @maesterchill [Explicit, 50k]

'Twas the month before Christmas and sixteen year old Draco Malfoy had never felt worse. His attempts to kill Dumbledore were failing and, as usual, Harry Fucking Potter was a constant thorn in his side.

All that suddenly changed when Draco woke up 15 years in the future and discovered that not only was he allegedly shagging Harry Fucking Potter, he also had thinning hair and a five year old son, and no fucking clue how he got there.

Truly brilliant, and I was laughing from the start. The combination of the aging up, Harry’s off-tune singing to Muggle songs, and soft parenthood were all things I immediately fell in love with. Will be reading again and again

16) Catch Me If I Fall by keeli_marie [Explicit, 38.2k]

When Draco Malfoy collides with Harry Potter one morning while dropping the kids off at school, things don’t go quite the way either of them would have expected.

Another absolute gem, and I'm still reeling from how amazing it was. I'm always a bit hesitant with kid fics, but this is one of the best depictions of love between Harry and Draco that I've read. I love how supportive Astoria is. Such a lovely fic  

16) Love Found by Peachpety / @peachpety [Explicit, 7.5k]

During Harry’s sixth year, Draco Malfoy joins the Order as a double-agent and continues with his task to get the Death Eaters into the castle as assigned by Voldemort. Draco succeeds with his mission the evening Harry returns from the caves with Dumbledore. The boys reunite on the Astronomy Tower and, with the Death Eater’s arrival, are forced to engage in a fight, driving Harry to come to terms with his feelings about true friendship and romantic love.

SUCH a good rewrite of the astronomy tower scene. I can’t describe how much I love the pre-existing relationship, which is a trope I typically steer clear from. And the snark!!! Such a good fucking fic

17) Taro Milk Tea with a side of Depression by Veelawings / @veelawings [Mature, 1k]

Draco sat through twenty grievous minutes of Ministry-mandated group therapy for Newly Registered Magical Beings & Creatures — then promptly stormed out.

Okay, I loved this. The play format was so cool and fit the narration so well. Absolute perfection and SO. GOOD.

18) The Dragon At The Bottom Of The Garden by Zopno [Explicit, 52.3k]

At 25 Harry Potter's life was simple; he flew, sculpted, and had the vault in the back of his mind to keep all unpleasant business. It was stable, but when Draco Malfoy literally hit him with a giant rock; all that changed.

I loved the storyline, especially Animagus bird Harry!! This was such a unique take on an Animagus and post-war fic, and I loved reading it so much   

19) Exposure by GallaPlacidia [Mature, 26.9k]

When Seamus uncovers Draco Malfoy's camboy profile, he, Harry and Ron decide to anonymously book a private show so as to humiliate him later. Fascinated by Draco's confidence, Harry keeps booking private shows under the disguise...

Self prompt: Draco is a camboy. Harry betrays him.

I can't give this enough praise. The hurt of it all was so brilliant. A new favorite for sure

20) you've got the antidote for me by Kandakicksass [Mature, 20.7k]

When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he's made it very clear he doesn't want.

He's never been selfless before, but for Harry, he can try.

Fuck. Like...fuck. This was so sad and angsty and perfect in all the right ways. Watching everything unfold was so painful but so worth it. Another new favorite

21) A Room Up There (And You In It) by thestarryknight [Teen, 59.2k]

When Preservationist Draco Malfoy was assigned to work on Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, he was excited to delve into the gorgeous Black family antiques. His excitement quickly ended when something in the House decided it did not like his presence one bit. Featuring a grumpy antiques lover who most certainly did not sign up for this, encounters with a vengeful apparition, and a healthy application of Christmas spirit.

Absolutely fucking fantastic. This fic reads intimacy all over, despite there being no sex. I love preservationist Draco and the way in which information about Harry unfolds. I can’t say enough how much I loved this advent fic, and Starry did such a great job

And now for three fics that I have yet to read/need to emotionally prepare myself for:

1) Modern Love by Tackytiger / @tackytigerfic [Explicit, 61.2k]

Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is.

And it really doesn’t seem fair that Draco Malfoy is back in Harry’s life, all of a sudden, and even though he’s wandless, and living with Muggles, and making his mother cry with his lifestyle choices, he’s happy. So what's he doing right, that Harry isn’t?

Because things don’t really change, do they? And if Harry can’t be happy, he’ll settle for a good night’s sleep, some posh antiques, and the opportunity to find out what Malfoy has been up to for all these years.

And that’s what starts it all.

2) Dragons Don't Know Paradise by  tainara_black / @teacup-tai [Explicit, 50.9k]

In 2004, when Remus spends two scary weeks in the ITU due to complications of pneumonia and his HIV condition, Sirius walks around the house like a ghost and Harry finds comfort and strength in Draco through a chat in an online LGBT forum. Harry falls for him, but Draco has a lot of secrets and, before long, will need to come clean—even if he believes that no one is able to understand a dragon.

This is a story about falling in love online and about facing the reality of death, but above all, this is a story about hope, finding love and acceptance. (Non-magical / bookshop AU, written for the 25 days of Drarry 2020)

3) Aeternus Solem by onbeinganangel / @onbeinganangel [Explicit, 36.9k]

On December 1st, Harry Potter gets sent halfway across the world to attempt to break a possibly fatal curse on an unnamed British Unspeakable — except said Unspeakable is not unnamed at all and Harry has been in love with him for over four years.

{If anyone spots any mistakes in this list, PLEASE let me know! I hope you all have a lovely New Year’s, and may 2021 be less of a dumpster on fire than its predecessor 💜}

[moodforanime]

Chihiro’s Return| Spirited Away fanfic|

A/N: This is the first chapter of an unpublished Spirited Away fanfiction I started writing and I need validation. Before anyone starts reading it, I’d like to note that I based it off an interview w/ the creator of Spirited Away mentioned in multiple articles where the creator said that at the end of the movie, when Chihiro leaves the tunnel along with her parents, she forgets everything that has happened in a matter of seconds. So I was like ‘Let’s write!’.

Word count: Like, 1.6K

______________________________________________________________

Anyone who knew Chihiro ever since she was a young girl could agree that the past decade has brought the girl a major glow up. The little, frightened girl they once knew turned into a confident young woman ready to face life. This all happened thanks to her parents’ decision to move away from their hometown and start anew.

Chihiro couldn't disagree- even if she hated it at first, it was a good choice. Yet… something was missing. Ever since she moved into her new house and attended her new school, the ghost of an undetectable memory didn't fail to remain with her in the back of her mind with an unbreakable loyalty. She tried to ignore it, to forget it, and to leave that eerie feeling of missing out on a dear memory, but it never failed to find its way back to her.

As she walked through her college dorm room, packing her bags, she paused for a moment to look at a framed picture standing on a shelf, a photo of her 10 year old self along with her parents. The girl in the picture grinned ear to ear as she stood between her parents, holding onto their arms.She picked up the framed photo and smiled. Summer returned and she had the chance to see her parents again. Although Chihiro didn't like to admit it, she did miss her parents terribly. 

Honestly, she was more than happy to spend two months with her parents. Her parents were getting old and weren't popular for their strong immune systems, so only God knew for how long that Chihiro still had the chance to spend time with them. The door creaked lightly as it opened, without disturbing Chihiro from her meditation.

'Chihiro-chan.' A soft, female voice said, in an attempt to catch the girl's attention.

Chihiro's head shot up immediately, as she looked at the door curiously. A girl her age with short, dark hair and casual clothes looked at her from the doorway. 

‘Asura. I thought you went to the bus?’ 

‘Did you pack your bags? Everyone is there already there,’ Asura said, ‘We're leaving in fifteen minutes, you know.'

Chihiro felt her face get pale. 'Ah… yes, of course. I was just closing my luggage.’ 

She put the picture in her luggage and fetched the last clothes that were lying on her bed right next to her, and threw them in her luggage. After she forced the luggage to close, Chihiro took if off the bed, grabbed it by its handle and pulled it behind her as she left the room with her roommate.

Luckily for the two girls, their bedroom was placed on the first floor of the campus building, so they weren’t at such a high risk of being late. They walked rapidly across the campus garden and only increased their steps more when seeing a female teacher waiting in front of the bus, looking at them with a disapproving, sour look.

‘At last, Ogino-san,’ the teacher said as the two girls arrived in front of her.

Chihiro bit her lip as she bowed deeply, along with Asura. No matter what her parents told her while growing up, she still hated her last name. She would not get used to its ugliness. It reminded her of a big, ugly plum, or a reed plain.

‘I’m deeply sorry for my tardiness, sensei,’ Chihiro apologised, ‘It won’t happen again.’

‘I hope not. Tardiness is definitely not a quality a young woman should have. Take your luggage and get on the bus.’

Chihiro did as she was asked to. Helped by Asura, Chihiro lifted her luggage in the air and walked on the bus. As she walked on the bus, Chihiro smiled as she spotted her closest friend. After bidding a goodbye to Asura, Chihiro walked to her friend and pushed her luggage on the tray above her.

‘I saved you a seat!’ The girl told Chihiro excitedly, as she pat the free seat next to hers.

‘Thank you, Fumiko. You saved my life.’

The two girls laughed, as the bus’ doors closed. Soon enough, the bus’ engines started and the bus began moving.

‘Going to your parents’ house for the summer?’ Fumiko asked.

‘Mhm. Gotta spend time with them, y’know? So they don’t think I’m ungrateful or that I stopped loving them.’

Fumiko nodded. ‘I know the feeling. I’ll visit my parents as well for a while, but I’ll mostly travel with Akio.’

Akio was Fumiko’s boyfriend. Chihiro met him a couple of times as she had nothing bad to say about him. His and Fumiko’s relationship was a steady one and he presented to be a good guy with a goal that kept him pushing forward. If he treated Fumiko right and both of them were happy, Chihiro had nothing to say. 

‘That’s really nice, Fumiko. I wish I met someone like that, too.’

‘Oh, you’ll find someone, Chihiro,’ Fumiko said light-heartedly as she nudged Chihiro lightly, ‘I know you will. You’re an amazing person.’

Chihiro smiled.  ‘Thank you. You know, when I get home, I might make a small trip myself. There’s this old, abandoned  building near my house, with a tunnel for entrance. My dad says it’s probably some of those buildings that were abandoned after the revolution in the nineties. It always creeped me out as a kid, but now… I really want to see what’s behind it.’

‘Ooh, it sounds like an adventure!’

‘It’ll definitely be one.’

After that, the subject was changed and the two girls continued to chat throughout the ride. A solid five hours later, Chihiro found herself sitting on the seat next to the window, watching how her town bathed in the warm, orange tones of the sunset, as a certain feeling of nostalgia washed over her. Fumiko got off the bus about an hour before, so now Chihiro was left on her own. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have any other friends. It was simply that many people had already the bus already and even the few people left on the bus were all tired from the long ride and the chit-chat and were waiting for the time they would reach their homes. In that moment, everyone wanted to be left alone.

Ever since last summer, Chihiro’s town didn’t change much. The same buildings, the same colours and same people were hanging around the simple streets. Eventually, the bus entered a street on a hill that Chihiro knew only so well. All the houses looked simple, made out of bricks and were coloured in simple colours. The bus stopped in front of a seemingly large house painted in blue. The bus driver coughed as he looked at the list in front of him.

‘Ogino Chihiro.’

‘Yes, sir.’ 

Chihiro stood up and took her luggage down. She walked down the aisle between the chairs. Just before she walked out of the bus, she looked at the driver, a nearly bald man in his mid-forties. ‘Thank you for bringing me, sir. Have a good evening.’

‘You too.’

She stepped out of the bus and watched how the bus’ doors closed, before the bus turned around and drove away from the hill. Chihiro smiled as she looked down at the forest beneath the hill. The forest wasn’t big, it was a mere surrounding around the hill that represented the highest point in the village The view was lovely, with a capability to relax anyone who happens to witness it. The only thing that brought a sense of eeriness was a red building that  found itself in the middle of the forest, at the end of a dirt road not too far from the hill. IT would give anyone a chill down the spine, and was the cause of many mysteries and nightmares throughout Chihiro’s early teens and teenage years. Chihiro wanted to visit the house very soon, but the plans were not immediate. She wanted to spend time with her parents first. She wanted to catch up.

As Chihiro walked closer to her door, she hardly had to knock to the door. As soon as her fist hit the white door two times, Chihiro didn’t find herself before a closed door but in the strong embrace of a well-build man.

‘Chihiro-chan!’ Her father exclaimed, happily, ‘Welcome back! How was the trip, darling?’

The man let Chihiro go and ruffled her hair as she took some deep breaths.

‘Thanks, dad,’ Chihiro said as she entered the house. She took her shoes of in the hallway at the entrance, before following her father in the living room, ‘The road was fine. It felt really long and it was boring after Fumiko got off, though.’

‘Any interesting boy to talk to?’ Her mother’s voice rang happily from the kitchen.

Chihiro laughed, lightly. ‘No interesting boy, mom. None that I know of.’

‘Good,’ her father approved with a strong nod, ‘You deserve better. I’m sure there might be some negociable options in the IT department, but with these new generations, it’s different, y’know? It’s not what it was in my time.’

‘Every generation is different, y’know?’ Chihiro pointed out.

‘Not all generations are good.’

‘Are you saying I’m stupid?’

‘Oh, not you! Certainly not you! You’re an intellectual gem among your peers. All I’m saying is that in some generations, a vast majority of people are a bad influence. Certain expectations and trends are set, which are absolutely not healthy at all.’

Chihiro puffed, lightly. Her father did make a point there. She’s had her fair share of bullies growing up, but the amount of bad people dropped considerably once Chihiro entered college. Most people attending college, she realised, wanted to be there. They were all there for a reason and various goals in life and saw a path in life. College offered Chihiro a much home-like feeling outside the place she grew up in and people she genuinely liked.

Chihiro’s mother came out of the kitchen and hugged her daughter tightly. 

‘It’s good to have you back home, dear,’ her mother said with a smile, before tuning to her husband, ‘Akio, won’t you help Chihiro get her bags in her room before dinner?’

‘Ah, yes, of course,’ Chihiro’s father exclaimed, as he took her luggage in his hands immediately.

Chihiro followed her father up the stairs and into her bedroom. As her father looked for a place where he could place her luggage, Chihiro’s eyes ran over her bedroom. The room was clean, all the things she left at home being neatly arranged. The amount of time that had passed since Chihiro’s last been in her bedroom made the room feel rather empty. It was welcoming and familiar, but empty. It wasn’t as if you had a long day and finally could go home, in your safe space. It was as if going back to a nostalgic memory that you once were so at home with, but was now something that you outgrew. Like a sweatshirt you once got and loved but eventually grew small and had to eventually be put in a cardboard box in the attic or thrown away to save space.

‘It’s really nice to have you back, Chihiro,’ her father said as he patted her back, ‘this house is really boring without you.’

Chihiro laughed. ‘Don’t let mom hear you.’

‘Oh, I’d be a dead man then.’ Her father laughed as he made his way towards her door, ‘Your mom’s setting the table now. Be sure to come before the food gets cold.’

‘Sure will.’

Chihiro watched how her father left her room, closing the door behind him. Being left to her own devices again, Chihiro found herself laying on her bed and staring at the plastic stars she once glued to her ceiling as a twelve year old. Memories from her younger self filled her mind, bringing her back to all the experiences she found herself in. At the reminder of her past horror, Chihiro stood up and walked to her bedroom window, locking gazes with the abandoned building from the forest. The building pushed so many nightmares and fears upon her for so many years, but it wouldn’t have to wait much longer before Chihiro took the final step to overcome her fears. 

For a moment, Chihiro scoffed at the building. Why was it so scary, anyway? It wasn’t some sort of magical portal. It was just a silly, old building that was out of use.

[subvertingyourexpectations]

Top Ten Films of 2019

2019 was… I’m gonna be honest, not a very great year for cinema. Aside from a handful of standouts, I have seen very few things that completely blew me away. Especially given the past few years, we haven’t gotten a Roma, or a Phantom Thread, or a Denis Villeneuve movie. Anyway, this is my top ten favorite films of 2019. 

But first…

Films That Would Make It But Didn’t “Technically” Come Out in 2019

Long Day’s Journey into Night

I already talked at length about this film, but I love it to pieces. It has twisted the visual language of cinema into its own beautiful and bizarre version, crafting a puzzle box of a movie that I absolutely adored. But, it technically came out at the end of 2018, so it can’t be on the list. 

Tigers Are Not Afraid

If you like foreign films, this is a must-see. If you like tragic dramas anchored by some terrific child actor performances, this is a must-see. If you like horror movies, well, it’s not really a horror movie but people keep describing it as one, so you should probably see it. It’s a beautiful little imaginative tale about the effects of the drug war on orphaned kids, and if you can catch it on streaming I would definitely check it out. But, even though it came out in limited release in August, it came out in Mexico in 2017, so I can’t include it. 

One Cut of the Dead 

Maybe the most original film I’ve seen in years? The first half is a terrific little zombie flick all in one camera shot, and somehow the second half expands on this and is ten times better. Watching this in a packed house was one of my favorite moviegoing experiences of the year. It’s one of the most funny and, again, original movies I’ve seen in years.  

Shadow

UGH ALL THE GREAT FOREIGN FILMS DIDN’T COME OUT IN 2019. Anyway this movie is incredible and is maybe the best use of grayscale I’ve seen in any film. 

Movies That Might’ve Made the List But I Sadly Have Not Seen Them Yet

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Pain and Glory 

1917

Bad Education

Little Women

The Souvenir 

Okay, now onto the actual list…

10. Ad Astra

Brad Pitt and James Gray’s remake of Apocalypse Now in space is maybe the weirdest premise for a movie, and yet I really enjoyed Ad Astra. There’s clearly some touches of studio interference that make this movie worse (read: Brad Pitt’s narration), but the underlying themes of anxiety and depression are some of the best I’ve seen on screen. Couple that with Brad Pitt’s best performance of the year (yes), the visual splendor on display, and this movie is an easy inclusion in my top ten of the year. 

9. Uncut Gems

I need to go lie down. After really enjoying the Safdie Brothers’ previous films (Good Time and Heaven Knows What), I was really excited for this movie, and I was not let down. The frenetic, dare-I-say crackhead energy that the Safdies are able to convey in their films is immensely satisfying to watch, and the way Adam Sandler channels it is one of my favorite performances of the year. The last twenty minutes of this movie is just pure panic attack. 

8. The Irishman

Somehow Scorsese’s 209-minute long epic is one of the most watchable films of the year. This is just a terrific example of everyone firing on all cylinders; the performances are great, the script is great, the editing is unbelievable (this movie feels like it is two hours long), and the directing and thematic development towards the third act is some of Scorsese’s best.  

7. The Farewell

A calling card for director Lulu Wang as much as it is for Awkwafina in dramatic roles, The Farewell is an absolute delight. The family dynamics throughout all feel refreshingly authentic, and the film masterfully weaves between its comedic moments and tragic undertones. If it wasn’t for some choices made at the ending, this would probably rank higher on my list. 

6. El Camino

How bad was 2019 for film? A Breaking Bad movie is my sixth favorite film of the year. It doesn’t matter if we “needed” this movie or not, El Camino is just so incredibly well-made and enjoyable. It’s always a pleasure seeing something new in the Breaking Bad universe, but more than that I think this film is a genuinely beautiful swan song for one of the greatest characters in television.

5. Waves

This movie is meandering, aimless, pretentious, and completely style over substance. And yet, the last half hour of this movie hit me harder than almost anything this year. Regardless of how you feel about the characters, I feel like Waves has an overwhelmingly positive message in the end, which is to grow away from your hatred and learn to forgive and love. I’m sure many people will find the way this movie gets to that message to be kind of pointless and wandering, but to me it just turned a pretty good film into one of my favorites of the year. 

4. The Mustang

My local 3-screen art house closed in April of this year. I went there as often as I could, because they were the only theater in town that would play a lot of independent and foreign films. It was the first place I saw Roma, and the first (and, let’s face it, last) time I saw Stalker on the big screen. The last night they were open, I went and saw The Mustang, not based on anything to do with the movie, just because I wanted to be there one last time. It was completely sold out, far busier than I’d ever seen them. In the past I’d always had free roam of where to sit, but that last night I was in the third row from the front.  

If Ad Astra is about depression, then The Mustang is about anger, and learning to overcome your anger and grow as a person. It’s about a prison in Nevada that has a rehabilitation program where violent convicts train wild Mustangs, which are later sold to local ranches and farms. Roman (a terrific performance from Matthias Schoenaerts) is one such convict, and his personal struggle to overcome his anger is beautifully realized against the backdrop of having to fight a wild animal. (Seriously, he goes in swinging and it does not end well for him.) It’s a great story, and it’s a must-watch if you haven’t seen it. The emotional ending coupled with the fact that my favorite theater was closing left me a complete wreck when the credits rolled. (I’m starting to realize my top five films all just boil down to “the ending wrecked me”.) 

3. The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part

This is like The Mustang but for kids.

Okay okay, hear me out, I only saw this movie once when it first came out 11 months ago, and I’m not ever watching it again because I thought it was perfection. I feel like on a repeat visit the songs will become grating, the plot will feel ridiculous, and the themes of toxic masculinity that I appreciated so dearly will seem like faint whispers instead of clear subtext. And yet in the theater, I absolutely adored the songs and the plot and the clear subtext about being a better brother/man. The real-world parallels that were a surprise twist at the end of the first film are used beautifully in The Second Part, because the plot is simply just one big metaphor for a little sister who wants to play with her older brother. It’s touching, it’s funny, and it gets stuck inside your heart. It’s such a shame that the LEGO film franchise is all but dead, because if we had kept getting films like this, children’s movies would definitely be better for it. 

2. Parasite

Everything fantastic about this film has already been said about it by people far smarter than me, so I’ll just say this: it is every bit as amazing as people hyped it up to be. This movie is a biting satire, a laugh-out-loud comedy, and an edge of your seat thriller. It has left an imprint on my brain since I first saw it back in October, to the point where as much as I have tried to analyze and dissect, this film, I don’t know if there’s a single flaw with it, there’s genuinely nothing I would change about this movie. If you see one movie this year, it should be Parasite. 

1. The Last Black Man in San Francisco

In July of 2019, I had to make probably the biggest decision of my (brief) career thus far. I was going to leave my management position at a 24-screen theater I’d loved dearly to go work in an office. I loved everything about the movie theater, I’d worked there for almost four years, but at a certain point it just had diminishing returns. Newer upper management and constant changes coming down from the big-whigs had turned my favorite building into a place I started to resent, a place I didn’t recognize. I tried to fight the change, and re-institute everything I loved about this building that I practically grew up in, but you can’t fight change, and you shouldn’t romanticize the past.  

I’ve never seen these themes more realized in film than in The Last Black Man in San Francisco. It tells the story of Jimmie Fails, a native San Franciscan who has to watch the city he’s loved his whole life descend into a rapidly gentrified hellscape that leaves many homeless and helpless. He often visits his childhood home, a beautiful three-story house with a “witch hat” on top, now owned by an older white couple. This doesn’t stop him from romanticizing the house, romanticizing the past, as he constantly visits and attempts to fix up the house, oftentimes clashing with the current inhabitants. 

This disdain from the couple is an all-too-real parallel message that he’s getting from the city itself: You’re not welcome here anymore. Much as Jimmie has tied his identity to this home, and this city, he is hardly welcome in either. But for one brief instant, he gets to live his dream. The house gets stuck in a familial dispute, causing the older couple to move out. Leaving behind a big empty house that no one is occupying, Jimmie and his best friend Montgomery decide to just move right in, and have their way. They bring in all the old furniture from Jimmie’s childhood, they paint the walls, repair the original woodworking, all in service of Jimmie’s dream to simply exist in this space, and preserve something sacred.

Eventually though, reality comes crashing down, and try as he might, Jimmie can’t stay in the house, and he has to learn a hard truth: you cannot tie yourself emotionally to a physical space. Whether it’s a house, a city, a job, you simply cannot love something that doesn’t love you back. You will get hurt every time. 

But it’s so easy to love. It’s so easy to play the piano in the entranceway of your childhood home. It’s so easy to relax in the sauna upstairs, or smoke on the balcony, or just lay on the floor and admire the witch hat. The Last Black Man in San Francisco makes you fall in love with this house, and with Jimmie and Montgomery, and as much as we see ourselves in them, we too have to learn the same lessons. As much as we want to inhabit a space, and get the fullest potential out of it, you cannot ever stop change, and you cannot stand in the way of it without going insane. 

And maybe it was just because I was going through this personal development the first time I saw this movie, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. It stuck in my brain so much that by the time I saw it a second time, I was a complete mess; I cried four times. I cried for Jimmie, I cried for the house, and I cried for myself. I cried for the things we all lost, the things that would never be the same, and because we would have to learn to accept that. This is what’s so beautiful about The Last Black Man in San Francisco, and on top of the phenomenal acting, emotional script, and gorgeous visuals, it’s what made it my favorite film of the year.  

[sweetsmellosuccess]

The Best (and Worst) Films of 2019

In many ways, 2019 served as a crucible, and no more so, at least cinematically, than with the venerable superhero flick. After a deluge of big studio films on the subject of capes and spandex (the MCU includes 22 films since the 2008 release of Iron Man; the nascent DCU, running it fits and starts has seven), we saw the explosive close-out of the previous “phases” with Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame; as well as the rise of pseudo art-house comic book film, Joker, in the same bloody year.

The talk on Film Twitter  —  the living definition of ‘tempest in a teacup’ —  was all about those films, and Martin Scorsese’s now legendary take down of the genre by referring to the super hero films, collectively, as  “theme parks.” But in truth, there were many, many other films that came out during the year, some of them utterly brilliant, some of them ridiculously awful. Here are my picks for both, with some of what I wrote about them at the time in my review.

10. Avengers: Endgame

“There are so many small but noteworthy details -- opening the film with Traffic's "Dear Mr. Fantasy"; the name drops, and special shout-outs to comics' fans; the small character beats that allow each protagonist more than just a quip or two; the closing credits, which give singular notice to the stars who have been there from the beginning, and wisely do not use the signature Marvel trick of teasing out the next film, which gives the series, at last, a sense of real closure, if only temporary -- the film feels as if it has been created and calibrated with the utmost care. For a film destined to break the bank no matter how shoddy they might have made it, Marvel has poured enough genuine soul into it to earn its inevitable bounty.”

Full Review

9. Her Smell

“In some ways, the film takes on a sort of Raging Bull aspect, Martin Scorsese's classic film about a boxer's rise and fall, only to turn the ending on its head. In Scorsese's picture, we see Jake LaMotta, now fat and retired, attempt to break into showbiz as a comedian, the scenes draped in cutting sardonicism. Perry gives Becky a much less punishingly ironic turn, but instead a hero's journey, venturing away from the abyss into something a good deal less grandiose and realized.”

Full Review

8. The Last Black Man in San Francisco

“It's also a film about the versions of the stories whose ideas lend depth and valor to our otherwise nondescript lives, the things we hope make us the heroes of our own narratives. In this way, Jimmie's story is conflated with that of the city itself, and the palpable sense of loss he feels about his family's house is mirrored in the city's own loss of identity.”

Full Review

7. Under the Silver Lake

“Mitchell fairly stuffs the film with portents, symbols, and runes, some real, some imagined. Squirrels mysteriously fall dead at Sam's feet, a parrot in his courtyard keeps calling out something he can't decipher, a dog killer stalks the neighborhood, and graffiti strewn about the area calls out to him. Films are always encoded with symbolic meaning, utilizing visual language to instill emotion and establish significance for the audience (think of Spielberg's girl with the red coat in Schindler's List, or James Dean's red windbreaker in Rebel Without a Cause), Mitchell's film gives us so many options, almost everything can be read symbolically, which perfectly captures the paranoia his character feels, and the pointlessness of trying to make sense of it at all.”

Full Review

6. Marriage Story

“Noah Baumbach’s latest film, about the dissolution of married couple – played extraordinarily well by Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson – will no doubt get comparisons made to Bergman’s brilliant Scenes From a Marriage. But whereas that 1972 film concerned the relationship itself, its highs and lows and metamorphoses, Baumbach’s film is much more about the logistics, legal and otherwise, of ending a very much shared life together.”

Capsule Review

5. Midsommar

“Viewing Aster's films is a bit like walking into an art installation -- quite literally, as he populates his frame with stunning compositions and art-focused mise en scene, as with the beautifully designed wooden structures of the compound, or the exquisite murals and art displayed on the building's walls (a huge shout-out to his production designer, Henrik Svensson, and the art directing crew) -- but, as with Hereditary, behind all the sumptuous, hand-crafted beauty, there is a cruel, brutal core of humanity's continued savagery. If art represents the best sort of impulses of humankind, in Aster's hands, it becomes yet another facade, hiding -- or in this case, exemplifying -- our instinct for vicious barbarity.”

Full Review

4. Parasite

“By the end, as it swerves inexorably into blood-soaked violence, the film reveals to be a bit of a con itself, drawing us in with its enticing humor, then opening up into a much darker vision, before ending on an emotional note of surprising vulnerability. Through it all, Bong shows a mastery of odd tones, from the opening comedic salvo, to the final emotional beats.”

Capsule Review

3. Uncut Gems

“It’s one of those pressure-cooker films, where the steam builds more and more intense as Howard gets in and out of trouble through his ability to constantly shift the playing board. There’s a scene about midway through, with various aggrieved characters coalescing at once in his office, as he’s trying to have a speaker phone conversation with his doctor, that’s so stressful, you will want to avert your eyes and remind yourself of the exit signs.”

Capsule Review

2. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

“It's also an unexpected joy to watch the nonchalant swagger of Pitt match up with DiCaprio's more high-strung ministrations. Two of the biggest film stars alive playing mostly washed up TV actors may stack the irony, but both of them settle in so well into their characters, you can't help but admire the result. Rick is a dude whose ego has gone from tumescent to shriveled -- he parks his car miserably in front of one of his own old movie posters -- but beneath all his hubris and despair, he actually has a lot of talent. As always, it's pure joy to watch Pitt smoke up a screen, a middle-aged Redford speaking every line with a sinfully breezy smile, whose confidence extends around him like the golden hue of his deep suntan.”

Full Review

1. Knives Out

“More than the plot itself, an ingenious and kinetic thing that's as satisfying as a hot bowl of soup on a raw and windy day, there's the sense of joyous chaos from the cast. Those scenes where the family is all together, in the drawing room and continually at each other's throats are so delicious, they should come with a napkin. The interplay between vets like Shannon, Johnson, Curtis and Collette is filled with fractious energy, the characters revisiting age-old disagreements ("Your kid's a brat!" -- "Your kid is a Nazi!") with sadistic glee. Even when they band together, in moments, against what they believe to be a common enemy, it's clear the harmony between them is more Iggy and the Stooges than Beach Boys. In short, Johnson has devised a perfect ensemble of dreadful characters and set them all against one another in a narrative fishbowl filled with lye.”

Full Review

Other Worthy Mentions:

Amazing Grace, American Factory, Apollo 11, Bacurau, Birds of Passage, Charlie Says, Cold Case Hammarskjöld, Dark Suns, Dark Waters, Ford v Ferrari, Greener Grass, In Fabric, John Wick 3, Jojo Rabbit, Luce, Midnight Traveler, Ms. Purple, Pain and Glory, Rewind, Something Else, Terminator: Dark Fate, The Farewell, The Hole in the Ground, The Irishman, The Lighthouse, The Nightingale, The Report, The Souvenir, The Vast of Night, This is Not Berlin, Us, Varda by Agnes, Vitalina Varella

Best Upcoming Releases of 2019

The Personal History of David Copperfield

The Burnt Orange Heresy

Bad Education

First Cow

The Worst Films of 2019

5. Greta

“In short, Jordan turns Greta into a Michael Myers-esque boogeyman, everywhere and no place at once, almost a phantom, but for her high heels and French condemnation. In this way, the filmmaker loses his grip on his material.”

Full Review

4. Ma

“Apart from a truly absurd script, director Tate Taylor's film performs ungainly political gyrations -- asking us to root against a survivor of sexual abuse and humiliation for trying to gain (albeit misplaced) revenge on her attacker. Sort of a rape-revenge thriller set upside down, such that nothing makes any ethical (or emotional) sense. It quickly becomes an awkward mishmash of impulses, wanting to provide cheap scares while fostering a deeply schizoid sense of sympathy, while managing to fail mightily at both.”

Full Review

3. The Dead Don’t Die

“Jarmusch's proclivities have always leaned toward such lightly affecting material -- as if the act of actually generating emotion is somehow vulgar and unseemly -- which has also endeared him to his faction of fans. For everyone else, though, it doesn't leave much to look at. Filmed without fanfare (albeit with a few more special effects than usual, and a kind of cool splattering of sand-like mist when the zombies are beheaded), and with the intensity knobs all turned down to their lowest setting, he continues his sous vide-style of filmmaking. Whether you like the dish he's serving, or want to throw your hands in the air and go somewhere else for dinner is all in your temperament. Whatever you choose, you can be certain the same menu will be available the next time you venture back.”

Full Review

2. Dark Phoenix

“The clearest loss, however, is with the story itself -- its legacy struck deep in Marvel lore -- once again being studio nitpicked, and focus-grouped to within an inch of its life. If Endgame audaciously proved a superhero movie could rise toward an emotionally satisfying arc, this failed attempt proves the opposite is also true: Chronic incoherence, even if spread out among a multitude of titles over 20 years, just feels like a soulless money grab. Adding to the sense of this film's slapdashery, the trailer features lines and moments unused in the actual cut, which is never a good sign.”

Full Review

1. Lucy in the Sky

“The film is meandering and pretty much pointless, a major flaw that Hawley himself indicated in his introduction (“we work as hard on the bad ones as we do the good ones,” he told the audience in an example of supreme foreshadowing. Portman does her best, but the film sputters pretty hard, and is never able to justify itself.”

Capsule Review

Other Dishonorable Entries:

The Aftermath, The Curse of La Llorona, Gemini Man, Glass, Hellboy, Joker

Inexplicably Overrated: Joker, The Dead Don’t Die

Biggest Welcome Surprise(s): Ford v Ferrari, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Most Bitter Disappointment(s): The Lodge, Wounds

Film That Critics Got Wrong: Waves

Best Film I Saw Last Year, Period: Scenes From a Marriage

[xoruffitup]

Just want to flail over Adam’s parts? People, I AM HERE FOR YOU. Here’s a time-stamped cheat sheet of Adam’s comments and generally precious moments. (Basically Round 2 of my overall flaily recap of this panel right after it happened.)

I start the video and my heart freaks out remembering when he first walked on stage. Get me a paper bag before I pass out... His little ‘Hello!’ and one-handed wave when he walked out I was already deceased.

1:35 - Everyone please just watch this adorable tall man awkwardly sit and fidget and bite his lip and make his oh god public attention face

11:25 - Adam makes no judgments about his character’s morality. He empathizes more with Ben Stiller’s character in the While We’re Young film than with his own, but recognizes that his own feelings about the character are irrelevant; as are his feelings about his own performance. 

“It’s not about me feeling it, it’s about an audience feeling it.”

I’m constantly struck by his humility and maturity in always thinking of himself as only a small part in every film project, regardless of how large his role might be. He’s hyper-aware that none of it is about him, and becomes uncomfortable when people try to make it so. Although he explains here that he relates to the “debilitating” pressure to play a role correctly or authentically, and we know that he constantly over-thinks and scrutinizes his own work to the point of not being able to watch himself on film; He also recognizes his personal gratification with his performance comes second to the overall story being told. Internally, he might hold himself to high personal standards, but he never presumes those standards should be projected on anyone else. He finishes this answer with “Who am I to say if they’re right or wrong?” (If audiences respond to a less authentic version of a work.)

I would love to hear him answer this same question about Kylo’s character.

27:50 (One of the moments when I had to physically restrain myself from flailing in my seat because he’s so damn presh) - The moderator tried to “bring back Adam” because he’d hardly spoken so far, and Adam goes “I’m good, I’m good.” Ben Stiller interjected, “Can I just say something about acting with Adam?” and Adam immediately shakes his head and waves his hand in a silent “Please no”, but then very magnanimously tells Ben to go ahead, even while squirming in his seat a tiny bit while Ben talked about him. 

29:00 - Adam says Noah’s writing is very “theatrical.” I did find it interesting how he talked here about a whole range of different potential meanings within the same words of a script, depending on how they’re delivered. I also love when he talks about working in theatre, just because I have a soft spot for stage actors. 

(Watching this whole video back makes me realize Adam really did quite effortlessly and unconsciously charm the audience (not just me), even speaking so little compared to the other panelists. I remembered clearly when he had his ~showdown with the moderator towards the end the audience was 100% on his side, clapping for him, but generally there are so many audience laughs for the little self-deprecating jokes Adam mixes into all his answers.)

31:10 (Alert alert, fangirl moment) - Perfect capture of how he fiddles with his fingers and listens so attentively. 

33:28 - THAT L A U G H

35:08 - My other favorite funny/presh moment! “There’s humor in doing the same things in life and still trying to make them more efficient... Like I still don’t think I’ve ever gotten into a car the right way.” (Confused audience laughter?) Then Adam gets serious with chagrin right away like “...that was a bad example...” (Audience continues laughing with him even though most people probably don’t get it.) He made a last-ditch effort to explain himself by saying “the Tesla” - but didn’t quite get to fully explain that he was referring to the uber-modern Tesla car that was driving him around the island over the weekend. Regardless, everyone found it amusing and I was there like I stan a man who can’t get into a car right WHAT A GEM

36:27 (Alert alert, another fangirl moment) - Everyone please just watch him take a drink of water. Why every single damn thing he did was totally mesmerizing to me I don’t know, but you’ll thank me later. 

46:13 - The moderator mentions Paterson screened at the Nantucket Film Festival several years ago. Adorable moment where he goes to start listing all the famous people from Paterson and has to give up with “...and a bunch of other people I can’t remember right now.”

47:10 - Hilarious moment but first strike against the narrator. Ben Stiller had to ask Chris Matthews if Paterson was the first movie he’d seen Adam in because yeah, he’d kind of been neglecting Adam a bit (not that Adam minded, clearly), but Ben went “...he’s also in Star Wars,” and the whole place cracked up. 

49:10 - Non-Adam moment, but I was really intrigued with Noah Baumbach’s comment here, talking about developing his dialogue and how “there’s communication, and then there’s talking.”

50:10 - THIS IS IT, FOLKS, THE GOLD MINE OF ADAM CHARM AND SASS. THE LEGENDARY MOMENT IS NEARING. Watch Adam’s life flashing before his eyes in a panic when the question “Who is the most influential person in your life” is suddenly thrown at him. He wasn’t ready for this!! (Although great question, Rea, so glad it was asked!) Then after he says he’ll pass on the question, you can see him basically flying to Mars in his head pondering. Then the cuteness and laughter when he announces he does have an answer!! He was 1000% the whole audience’s darling by this point. Then his answer is basically, “Listen to how insightful my wife is because she’s the best.” Then after boasting about his wife it’s right back to his modest self: “On to the next question and then I’ll finish this monologue...”

LOOK, okay he wasn’t even talking for that long! He’d given what, 3 answers before this during the whole hour-long panel?! The moderator himself blabbed at least twice as much. I was loving this monologue because it was the first time Adam was actually talking for an extended time. But apparently we can’t have nice things becomes here comes Mr. Rude-ass, Clueless Moderator...

(Also, Ben and Noah were 100% engaged with what Adam was saying so literally this was only the moderator’s problem...)

52:32 - The moderator audibly sighs into his microphone in the middle of Adam’s “monologue” and I’m SO glad Adam unpretentiously called him out: “.....Are you bored by my answer?” The whole audience laughed in sympathy with him because it was so weird and rude? Then Adam went on to be even more of a clever QT like: “You were thinking about another question? That’s what I was doing during your answers...” And the man is so straight-faced about it you genuinely can’t even tell if he purposefully meant that well-done, five-course ROAST. 

I cringe so hard at this memory I can barely watch it back, but ughhhh queue the moderator interrupting Adam’s attempt to resume his answer, with some bullshit about Jeff Goldblum... What even? Jeff Goldblum was mentioned once in the panel previously, but wtf how does your mind go there when Adam Driver is giving a painfully earnest, precious, and over-thought monologue for you???

52:50 - “...SO STAR WARS.” BOOM. In three words Chris Matthews has been KO’d. omg look at the almost proud look on Noah’s face like yeah you tell him bb and Ben’s cracking up, and the whole audience flips out like DAMN, SAVAGE!!!

(Also for ~context reference, walking out from the auditorium afterwards, I remember overhearing two guys saying to each other “Chris Matthews was like one of those old guys who just blurts whatever’s going through his head.” “Yeah but you’d think when you’re talking to Adam Driver you’d be more respectful and reign it in.” and in my head I was like DAMN RIGHT. Watching this whole thing back, Matthews gets on my nerves basically the whole time. He seems to enjoy hearing himself talk so much that he forgot what a moderator’s actual job is.)

58:40 - Adam’s advice to aspiring filmmakers about the usefulness of going to school, getting a firm foundation in your craft, and having the insulated space to fail and build yourself. 

Just so I can ~complete my revisiting of this whole experience~, I’ll add this photo taken by @wherethepastaat aka Rea aka https://twitter.com/cosmicreas in the parking lot outside after the event. I love her for asking the incredible question that gave us a world-class #SassybutClassy Adam moment, and also for snapping this A+ covert photo documenting the referenced Tesla car that caused Adam so much stress about how to get in it correctly. (Joanne’s getting in before him.)

I also owe her my firstborn because she inadvertently GOT ME IN THE PHOTO WITH ADAM!! That shoulder in the pink tank top directly behind him? THAT’S ME. THAT’S ME AND ADAM. IN THE SAME PHOTO. DEEP BREATHING, OKAY. Now I can always prove that I really was that close to him! (He came by even closer when he walked down the sidewalk. No, a month later I still have not gotten over it even .00001% percent.) 

Admittedly, there have been brief moments where I berate myself like ‘ugh why didn’t you ask for a photo?!’ but A) I was frozen in awe for the 10 seconds he was in front of me (pretended to be on my phone so I wasn’t overtly staring, lol) and B) You can see in this photo that there were a bunch of people milling around. If I’d asked him to stop, he probably would have gotten stuck taking pics with lots of people. I did the right thing AND got to witness more wholesome Adam moments as he was leaving!

Once again, Rea I owe you a gift basket because I am SO glad I got to witness when you/your brother called ‘Bye!’ to Adam from your car and your dad called “Hi Kylo!” and ADAM RESPONDED, smiled and waved and said ‘Hi Thanks!’ back. IT WAS SO PURE I CRY AT THE MEMORY.

All in all, despite the fact that Adam didn’t actually talk that much on the panel, it was still a 100% Quality Event and I still think about it daily. :’) My Adam crush has morphed into an all-consuming real-life thing that I do my best to control but look, a girl can only do so much in the face of THIS. I AM ONLY HUMAN, ADAM.

[hrrytomlinson]

here are a bunch of fucking fantastic fics I’ve enjoyed and loved reading throughout the month of october. I recommend that you read these great fics in november, if you haven’t already!! also check out the Reverse Big Bang and 31 Days of Smut!

(all fics with a star are my favorites and if there are two stars then it was a favorite favorite)

1. Damn the Dark, Damn the Light 20k

“Why is this face of beauty ringing so true?” The genuine confusion in Harry’s voice causes Louis’ chest to painfully twinge. “You’re a complete stranger in my eyes, William Shakespeare, but not in my heart. How is that possible?”

Louis wants to live out every romance plot he has ever written in his own life. He wants to be the protagonist of his own narrative, the hero who finds true love and gets his happy ending. Instead, Louis is stuck with only dreaming of such wild fantasies and writing them down. He can create entire romances in his dreams, yet he can never live one.

2. Threadbare 20k**

Harry Styles was eight years old when Louis Tomlinson kept him from falling into a machine in a Manchester textile mill. He was 18 years old when nothing, not even the threat of death, could keep Harry from falling in love with Louis.

3. Don’t Come Down 6k

Louis takes Harry home to meet the family.

4. I’ll Take Your Pain 2k*

Or, soulmates have the ability to feel each other's pain, and Harry finds his after getting his arse waxed.

5. We'll Never Be Lonely in the Dark 6k

Detective Louis Tomlinson keeps getting blocked when he tries to use his psychic gift to locate a missing child. One late night he manages to get through but instead of finding who he's looking for he lands in the bedroom of a mysterious man.

Harry Styles, nursing student, baker, and all around exhausted medium, thinks he's having the best sex dream he's ever had when his fantasy man shows up in his subconscious. But is that really what's going on?

6. Aquarius 6k

Louis realises he's slept with a man of every star sign except for Aquarius, and that just won't do.

7. Forget-Me-Not 26k**

“I- I can't move” the elder one finally croaked out, and with more distress Harry came to see that the vines had wrapped itself around the lad's ankles.

With a dumb nod Harry took a couple of steps forward. He could see Louis flinch with his sudden movement but he tried not to think about it. Instead, he lifted his hands, and tried his best to concentrate, hoping his power would listen to him just this once around the other man and untie him.

Ever so slowly, the vines started to detach themselves from Louis's calves, and soon enough, the man was free. With shaking legs, Louis stood up from the position he was in, and suddenly the air around them got thicker. “You're- you're a witch.” Louis hissed under the harsh wind, making Harry flinch at the accusation in his voice.

Or, where Harry had something he did not wish to have. Louis was just trying to figure him out.

8. Gem and the Hunters: The Treasure of Babylon 34k**

Louis Tomlinson wished, for one thing, his whole life: to find the ancient city of Babylon. After one failed attempt, he swore to never again attempt a search for the city. His friend, Niall Horan never pushed the issue, but when his family finds themselves in trouble, Niall’s only option is to convince Louis to try and find Babylon again.

Niall enlists the help of two famous treasure hunters: Harry and Gemma Styles and their friend Liam Payne. Harry and Gemma love ancient cultures as much as Louis and would give anything to find Babylon. Liam is just along for the ride, running from a shade in his past.

The five embark on the adventure of a lifetime… and find much more than any of them bargained for.

9. I Never Did Believe in the Ways of Magic (Through I’ve a Feeling It’s Time to Try) 54k*

Louis can’t shake the feeling that there’s something in the woods, pressing close and watching him with a heavy gaze. It makes him antsy, fills him with jitters. He wants to run, or scream, but he knows to do so would only put him in danger if there’s actually something out there after all. He’s sure he’s just imagining it, but his heart nevertheless pounds in his throat.

When Louis Tomlinson goes on a songwriting retreat to the Laurentian Mountains of Canada, this isn't how he expects his evening to go.

Or the au where Louis is a singer who has been cursed to never make music again and Harry is a reclusive witch of the Canadian mountains who's going to help him break the curse.

10. Cancel Your Reservations, No More Hesitations 10k

Louis still has his eyes on the bill when he barges into Harry’s room without knocking because he doesn’t want to get evicted and the smell hits him first.

It’s overly sweet and unnatural, and his stomach drops because it smells like an omega. Louis eyes widen and he looks up and - Harry’s on his hands and knees, a half spilled bottle of synthetic omega slick next to him and a huge, knotted dildo pressing into his hole. Harry’s face is flushed and he looks fucked-out and -

“I’m sorry!” Louis squeaks out and quickly backtracks, face red, because he wasn’t supposed to see that and Harry’s an alpha but he - Louis isn’t going to judge him.

Louis is an alpha and so is Harry, but Louis helps him through his rut anyway.

11. Foothold 18k

Louis has crossed the galaxy with a ship full of crystals; they’re the only thing he has to offer in exchange for safe harbor. He thought getting to his destination would be the hardest part, hoping that once he got his family to safety everything would fall back into place; Louis struggles to adapt while his sisters thrive. Louis suspects Emperor Styles may have something to do with it.

12. Don’t Want Shelter 76k*

Louis and Harry have known each other all their lives. Friends as children, they danced around each other as teenagers, and have spent the last twenty-five years either screaming at each other or not speaking at all. Except for that one time ten years ago…

When Hurricane Nicole threatens the coast, they end up stuck together in their families' old vacation home that they begrudgingly co-own.

During the storm, and in the months after, they’re both forced to reevaluate their history and what they mean to each other.

13. Wasted Like a Memory 4k

Six years before Hurricane Nicole forces Louis and Harry together, Fizzy gets married. Harry wrestles with reconciling the different versions of Louis he knows. (Part of Don’t Want Shelter)

14. Taste and Plead 3k

Or, the one where Harry wants something, and Louis' never been one to deny his boy anything.

15. Home For Christmas 22k**

The Shameless Hallmark Movie AU you probably didn't ask for.

Or, the one where Harry didn't think he wanted a family, but with a little Christmas magic (and maybe one Louis Tomlinson) he realizes that he is very, very wrong.

16. A Million Stars 2k

Louis watches Harry perform at the Tower Theater, and the events of the night unfold in an unexpected manner.

17. No One Like You 19k**

Where Liam and Niall are art historians discovering the truth about two nineteenth century painters on opposite sides of an artistic divide.

18. Howls Like A Beast (You Flower, You Feast) 16k*

France, 1754. Château de Versailles.

“You don’t love me,” Louis had said, utterly blasé as he callously fractured the heart of a Harry that was just barely eighteen.

“I do,” Harry had insisted pleadingly, green eyes already watering.

Louis had rolled his eyes, exasperated and flippant in the way only beautiful, young boys could be when faced with the affections of a baby prince. He had run his finger down Harry’s cheek then, had forced him to look into his eyes as he delivered the final blow.

“You’ll change your mind once you’ve seen more of the world,” Louis had teased, pressing a brutally delicate kiss onto Harry’s lovely, pure cheek. “Once you’ve been properly defiled.” He had whispered filthily, delighted by the gasp he heard, the frantic pink blush that had rested high on Harry’s cheeks, the power he had felt at knowing he could make the Crown Prince squirm.

19. You Flower, You Feast 18k**

He's King of the Underworld, but don't assume Louis has it all. He could stand for some excitement in his monotonous, eternal life and maybe, even.....a soulmate.

(Despite not having a soul.)

And along came "Harry".

20. The Dead Things We Carry 25k*

September ‘49

He hasn’t seen him since that day in France, that horrible muddy day where for one terrifyingly long second, Louis really thought he was going to die. He winces with the phantom pain, the hand not holding his cane going to his stomach automatically, remembering the franticness, the tenderness, of Harry’s hands while Louis was bleeding out. This is the man who saved Louis’ life.

For one second, Louis fears Harry won’t recognise him, but his eyes widen when he turns to his left and they meet Louis’. He takes a step forward, reaching for him with a shaky hand before stopping himself.

“Louis,” Harry says with a shudder and Louis doesn’t think his name has ever carried more weight. This is the only man Louis ever thought about kissing for real.

“Oh,” Mrs. Padley says, clearly taken aback. “You two know each other?”

There are some things people never fully come home from. Until, one day, if they’re lucky, home comes to them.

21. Do You Like My Sweater 13k

When Harry's alpha fraternity decides to host a Sadie Hawkins dance, outspoken omega Louis has a thing or two to say about it.

22. Yellow 84k**

The city of Gotham turns blood red with a new, mysterious criminal element, a beautiful woman named the Blind Cupid. She threatens to tear the fabric of the city apart, aided by her deadly protégé, the Cat. Can Batman stop them? Will he resist the bewitching allures of the Cat?

A Batman/ Catwoman AU

23. Things That Go Hump in the Night 6k

Louis goes camping. Something horrible happens. Louis is miserable.

It’s science.

24. This Thing Upon Me (Howls Like a Beast) 8k

Harry and Louis weren’t meant to be together. They’d met when they were put together through their university’s AO MatchUp, a program that set up alphas and omegas based on the schedules of their ruts and heats so they had someone to help them through it. It was pure luck that they were put together.

25. Hands Clasped Tight 44k**

Or the one where Harry and Louis are high school teachers and their students have been playing matchmaker for over a year. Little do they know, Harry and Louis are already married.

26. And the Truth Shall Set You Free (...Maybe) 17k

Betism: A religion based on the belief that the beta gender has been chosen by God to protect and defend the purity and dignity of the human race by resisting and condemning the lustful ways and flawed biology of the alpha and omega

Harry is a Betist and Louis is an alpha who runs with a bad crowd. This is what happens when two worlds collide.

27. (We Will Be) As If Chosen 35k**

There's not a royal in the world who doesn't carry some sort of secret, and Prince Louis has more than his fair share. To protect himself and his family, Louis withdrew from the public eye and tried to live a quiet life, biding his time until his sister Lottie could take the throne in his stead. Unfortunately for him, the national media and the worst person Louis has ever met team up to bring him kicking and screaming back into the spotlight.

Under the watchful eyes of millions, Louis has to figure out how to keep his carefully constructed house of cards from falling, and the first step to accomplishing that is to keep from falling in love with the irritatingly charming Prince Harry, who just won't stop showing up and trying to whisk Louis out of the constraints of his boring life.

Or: the course of true love never did run smooth, because sometimes people are stubborn and sometimes people are scared and sometimes, just sometimes, love can cause just as many problems as it solves.

28. It’ll Be 13k

Louis has always wanted children and he decides he's done waiting for love to come first. However, after adopting a baby girl just days after she's born, he quickly realizes how hard parenting is. Louis hires Harry to be his Nanny, and it all works out great. Until Louis falls in love with him.

[themangaguide]

That is most likely

Completed Manga Recommendations:

This gal gohan manga is a few of those beaming gems which you discover in the centre of others thatnot shine, giving it a whole brand-new definition, and also masterfully going for an idea that's been currently used a few occasions. Furthermore, do not avoid to see this manga is classified as "Mental". It really wont disapoint you since division, whilst the setting is completely shiver enducing.

Tale 10/10: That is most likely, when I've gone over earlier, one of the most eye-catching area of the manga in my experience. Komori Isao is a hikikomori given that he is quit likely to College, due to his failing to interact socially. Due to that their initial year was regrettable and also aggravating for him, however he kept battling via before start of the next year. During that time, his legs protected on: he discovered he went home, where he's been given that, as well as was unable to move inside ... What's living, can I ask you? Is not it just a? What is living, when you'll discover nothing out there's objective? That is what every hikikomori asks herself, and also wish to shout out loud because they could to every individual whois living a "regular life". But this manga thinks something which individuals that live a "normal life" disregard to identify: to be able to preserve a social standing they're merely deceiving themselves, attempting to act from their normal faces before others. Is not that Nightmare? Is a "normal life" in fact living? That is where people like Yoshizaki Mari be available in. those who have seen they're in an earnings Heck, as well as additionally have actually recognized their lives aren't any kind of distinct from those of the hikikomori: they're unable to have some enjoyable, they're unable to experience any kind of actual delight, they're unable to increase their wings so far as the wind strikes; they're captured in a hailstorm, needing to safeguard themselves utilizing their wings. And therefore, Isao turned Mari, who experienced all the same as him and thought. They' renot any kind of unique from each various other. Really, these were the exact same person.

ART 8/10: The makikomarete isekai teni suru yatsu wa taitei cheat manga art is great. Actually, it was fantastic! I suppose I truly do not have far more to express concerning it, aside from I enjoyed it. I guess you can state you had had the ability to genuinely delight in when you check out gal gohan manga. You will see the factor during that time!

Personalities 8/10: Guy, I sort of destroyed this part of the evaluation making use of the TALE ... Lol. I clarified whatever I 'd to express concerning Yoshizaki Mari as well as Komori Isao, as a result, I intend the rest of the primary character to analyze is Kakiguchi Yori. Possibly due to the fact that she was not the chosen someone to become Mari, because she was her break? Regardless of the trigger may be, sheis absolutely not your normal comic relief; actually, sheis the alternative, in fact!

CONTENTMENT 10/10: It took less than one hour to me to see every one of the properly interpreted sections and also presently printed, as well as in the exact same time, I'm creating this evaluation. It is very obvious I TRULY liked this manga.

GENERAL 9/10: Summing up every one of the aspects I Have scored it to date, my last record for gal gohan manga is simply a 9! Congrats, Oshimi-sensei! You provided us an amazing manga. It's a present for somebody that 'd love to read manga online. Thank you! For further info, click here: https://alleengoyen41.wixsite.com/guitar/single-post/vscxduzpqgcu756onkze1603837888

[akiyama-san]

I've noticed your comments about Love Live Sunshine and don't get me wrong, we all have our own opinions and I'm not telling you stop posting your negative thoughts about it, but why do you hate Love Live Sunshine so much? And if you hate it that much, why are you even watching it?

I suppose it comes off as hate doesn’t it? Well despite how it appears, it’s not entirely hate, it’s mostly disappointment, and while that might not sound much better i’ll try to explain what I mean, hopefully to a degree that it can be understood. 

Spose I should start at the top shouldn’t I? 

I think it goes without saying that this point that I didn’t like the original show at all, it had its moments, and 2 or 3 good characters, which isn’t saying much I realize but these casts are fucking bloated of course only a handful will be likeable. The concept seemed really fucking stupid from the outset, and it is, but I’ve seen worst, and as a first attempt by SunRise for an Idol show, to my knowledge, the idea to give it an actual plot to follow was in theory a noble one. It failed completely, but the thought was there. More to the point, almost everyone was completely flat, incredibly stupid, and beyond insufferable. 

I’ll be honest, I can put up with a lot, and if I had chosen to watch it of my own volition I’d probably have been more forgiving of the writers dancing on active fault lines, but at the time some years back, I had several people breathing down my neck to watch the fucking show so I went in pissed off. Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t change the fact that these characters say and do things that would make me want to hurt a small child, but I would still have been more kind to it in the long run. 

Then the movie happened, and well.... Lets just say the series needed the fucking soft reboot that was Sunshine after that abysmal travesty of a movie that completely deficated on a third of the casts character development. I’m still trying to work out the quantum fucking mechanics of how Honoka could receive her microphone from her future fucking self BTW. 

I openly admitted this at the time, and this is important because this is often overlooked by the crowd. I said that after the failure of the movie, and knowing that a new series was coming, if SunRise could learn from their mistakes, then I would gladly and open-mindedly go into Sunshine with a positive attitude and be kinder to it if the series was able to escape its charred charcoal burned roots. 

Needless to say I was absolutely blown away by how incredibly Sunshine could be at times, and how baffling disgusting and incompetent it could be as well. I stress that Sunshine is wholly the better property I was able to enjoy more than whole episodes and character arcs completely this time around, as opposed to the original where I enjoyed maybe 10 minutes of its total 700 minute run from episode 1 to movie credits. 

The series had incredible characters to start, those already good characters ACTUALLY GREW INTO EVEN BETTER CHARACTERS, THESE CHARACTERS ACTUALLY GROW AND MATURE AND THAT’S INCREDIBLE. I’ll say openly that the second years are some of the best characters I’ve seen in any anime in the past several years, and I would never hope to take away from that. Better was that we actually had rivals that we could see and understand, that weren’t placed on a pedestal for no discernable reason, one that stood on relatively even ground that could be combatted in real time, force growth and change upon both groups. 

At the same time, while the series had heights and feats that rivaled Everest, it also had lows that would put the Mariana Trench to shame. No, I don’t care what anyone says, I will never get over all the bullshit that happened between Mari and Kanan, and how absolutely disgusting Kanan is, even now, refusing to grow up or stop being a cunt or do anything of value to the group you so claim to love. I’ll be generous and say I was fucking disgusted by SunRise repeating what happened with Honoka and Kotori in the first season here with Mari and Kanan, almost beat for beat. It was terrible the first time, and suicidally bad the second time. 

To regain the focus, by then end of it while my opinions were of the mixed nuts variety with plenty of roasted salt, I still gave it a hearty recommendation because I thought it was genuinely pretty good, blue cuntveats notwithstanding. 

NOW

Where my problem overall with Season 2 lies. If it disappointment and wasted potential were a physical force this series could level mountains. 

From the beginning we’re told that we’re on an incredibly strict time crunch and that we need to focus all our efforts hardcore in the second round. 

Only for almost literally all of the first 6 or 7 episodes to be nothing but filler and padding to waste time, where no growth or progression of any kind took place at all, and such wonderful gems as 

Dia: Please call me Dia-Chan.

Chka: No!

and the omnipresent 

Chika: Teach how to do a backflip

Kanan: Not on your fucking life!

Kanan: Oh shit she learned how to do the backflip... 

Where it all came to a head however was with the reveal of just how many students the school actually had, because that was something that was never brought up. The total number of students is 68 when all are accounted for. And the is beyond miserable. 100 fucking students isn’t enough, to maintain the school you need at least 200, but closer to 300. With 68 students the school should’ve closed fucking years ago. The revelation of that number killed the entire fucking show, it made moot the efforts and development of every single fucking character, because no matter what, even if they had gotten 100 students, this same predicament would still inevitably rear its head once again next year or the year fuckin after. 

I want to make clear, more than anyone else on this site, I have authority to speak on this matter, and no one can refute this, hell I’d barely even listen to them if they did because I severely fucking doubt they ever dealt with this sort of thing, if they did they would totally agree with me.

I have come face to face with a school closure myself. 15 years ago the district announced that my Elementary school would be closing, this school with 700 students that churned out some of the best results in the city might I add. It was a hard and long fought battle, it lasted 3 years, but eventually the parents won that war, and it’s still open now. How did they do that? By actually getting involved, going to meetings, talking directly to superintendents and comptrollers, explaining things like how some of them go to work really early or work late, they can’t send their kids anywhere else because they’d never be able to make it to other schools in the morning on time or pick up on time because of how far away they are, how different schools offer different programs, and not all schools offer the same accommodations for special needs children as this one did, ETC. The point is, the parents got active in the fight, the people that might have been able to affect the outcome did, and while it was no easy task, they did it, they actually fucking one that battle. 

I don’t expect even a fraction of that to occur, but to at the same time tell me that the parents don’t know or care at all, much less any of the other fucking 59 students are powerless to help in any meaningful capacity is an absolute load of horse shit. 

Where it started to bring my blood to a boil, nay to a bursting point, was what happened in the last to episodes with Saint Snow. The best song the franchise ever gave us was Self Control, followed by Shocking Party. This is a fact. From a single interaction some of the most intriguing and likeable characters we got were also Saint Snow. For them to be all but ignored in season 2 until 8 fucking episodes in is ludicrous, but for their first appearance in over 10 episodes to be them failing a concert and us not even getting to hear any of the fucking song, is insulting, it’s infuriating, it’s domestic abuse. This isn’t a slap in the face, this is Studio SunRise forcefully shoving their cock in your mouth against your will and punching you in the eyes with brass knuckles for crying about the cock in your mouth. 

Honest to God, if I wasn’t committed to seeing this through, these last two episodes would be my first set my merchandise on fire moment, and that is saying a lot. It might sound like i’m being overdramatic, but honestly there are a lot of people that agree with me on this matter. 

I did a lot of thinking in writing this post and it took me the better part of an hour to write it. I still hold fast on my thoughts about the original, 2/10 garbage. 

I still hold to my opinions of season 1 Sunshine, 7/10 very good. 

But this season? Well let me put it this way, I score every episode and tally the scores at the end, if season one got a 70 percent

Season 2 probably wouldn’t even reach a combined 20/130 

I will still recommend newcomers to Sunshine season 1 absolutely, but I will also absolutely tell them to pretend season 2 never happened, do not watch it because it will make you commit homicide in the aftermath. 

Why do I hate Sunshine Season 2? 

Because SunRise finds new and exciting ways to fail at absolutely everything on every single level every week. I infamously gave the movie a 1/10, in the long run, I think I would sooner rewatch that movie on loop than ever rewatch this season of Sunshine ever again. 

[itstimetodrew]

All the Reasons Why I Like Drew

The Big Essay

To truly celebrate this Drew Day, I’d like to talk about why I like Drew and what he means to me. This whole blog is kind of dedicated to that idea, but it’s not all stated outright, and definitely not all in one post. So…. here’s the granddaddy of them all. Happy reading! :D

How I found The One

So, the matter-of-fact portion: How did I get into Pokémon? When did I decide I liked Drew as a character? It was mostly on accident. I remember I was 10 and getting over my big interest in the Tokyo Mew Mew/Mew Mew Power series. I always had some sort of Big Interest, and it was boring to be without one (it had been Yugioh before and original Pokémon before that, funny how all my favorite things came back). Since I had dropped early Pokémon for Yugioh, I didn’t care for Pokémon. It was old news, not that great, not worth going back to. But then one morning before school I went through the TV channels and stumbled upon an airing of Pokémon. All the characters except Ash and Brock and Team Rocket were foreign to me…and who was that green haired guy? I thought he was cute and needed a rebound anime crush.

By 10 years old I had started using the internet a lot, and so I found out about this new series of Pokémon, and that what I saw on TV was part of the Hoenn Grand Festival, which included that interesting Drew character. Then I found out about what a fandom was, fanfiction, AMVs, fanart, everything. It was hard not to get sucked into a fan base that had so much content and excitement surrounding it! I really doubt 10-year-old me would have imagined liking the same characters at age 21, but here I am! So, the next question…

Why Drew? (Let’s do bullet points for convenience.)

-        He’s smart and resourceful! He’s sharp enough to see through Team Rocket and Harley’s plans more than a couple times. His appeals and battle techniques can also be pretty neat…mostly. Sometimes it’s just a Petal Dance and he gets a perfect score for it pfft but stuff like that Dragonbreath + Razor Wind combo? Neato.

-        The snark…I love the snark. I like that Drew brings some comedy to the show and says what I sometimes think as the viewer (The infamous scene...

May: What’s extremespeed, Brock? 

Brock: It’s when a Pokemon uses its speed to the extreme! 

Drew, appearing from offscreen because he never misses a chance to make fun: Only an amateur would ask a question like that, May. 

(like honestly girl what did you think it meant))

-        Drew is helpful! He’s obviously a challenge and barrier to May, but he doesn’t want to see her fail. Drew helps to get May, Ash, Brock, and Max out of 4 situations with Team Rocket, and his eagerness to do what’s right is cutely summed up in his first appearance 

“No clue what’s goin’ on, but happy to assist!” 

He’s a gem and has a good heart.

-        He’s so talented! This boy is a winner plain and simple. …Ok most of the time. …Some of the time. It just isn’t onscreen. You know, it’s the attitude that counts. But really!! He got to the final round of his first contest? That he got the final round of his first Grand Festival (I assume)?? He’s a STAR. A prodigy.

-        He has realistic flaws: doesn’t like spontaneity, doesn’t display emotion well, not the best with some social interaction, stubborn, secretive etc. He is definitely not a perfect character, which makes him that much more likable.

-        Drew’s motivation and dedication inspire me. He’s so passionate and focused about what he does, and he’s worked hard to get where he is. It’s difficult for me to not want to see him succeed!

-        He’s polite and respectful! Drew isn’t a jerk to everyone, he just likes riling up May sometimes, and even then, he knows when to knock it off and be a friend. Also, when he’s uncomfortable around over-excited fans, he thanks them for their support and tries to make a quick but smooth exit. He could just as easily be mean or look down on people who think of him so highly, but he doesn’t take anyone’s praise for granted.

-        That aforementioned awkwardness around fans? Absolute plus. The irony of Drew pursuing a path that’s filled with glamor and style but being weird about personal compliments is adorable, 10/10. (But it does highlight how he loves contests for the sport itself, not for fame or vanity!)

-        He means everything he says. Drew never once apologizes for his outbursts, which can be a problem and highlights a stubbornness in not wanting to admit he was wrong. But I think it also shows how Drew is careful in what he says and has little regret about his opinions, despite how they come across.

-        Drew is mature! It’s fun seeing him become more mature over the course of the series. At first he’s a typical brat and instigates conflict with May to an obnoxious degree, but by the end we see him and May having nice heart-to-hearts about losing and how to regain motivation to try again. Amazing.

-        His bond with his Pokémon. Drew is tough and not overly affectionate with them, but it’s those little hints of friendship that make it all the better. Especially him and Roselia. They’re my lifeblood. That he keeps Roselia out of its Pokeball to see fireworks? To sunbathe? Adorable. Look at them....

And knowing Roselia was Drew’s only Pokémon for the first few contests we see him, it makes his sadness over Roselia getting hurt that much more important. His small conflict and resolution with Absol is great, too. I kind of think May and Drew’s differing opinion during the Kanto Grand Festival is the same theme that goes on to compose a large part of Ash and Paul’s rivalry. That idea of what a ‘proper’ way to train is to get results. I’m getting sidetracked and wrote about this before but anyway!! They’re all great, the whole team is great. And I can’t believe Drew’s Roserade is making lovely teas for the whole region of Alola.

-        And of course……. he’s so cute. You know this point had to come in somewhere. But look at him! 

Those bright, sharp eyes. Those lovely lashes. That smirk and – if you can catch a rare glimpse – genuine soft smile. His hair, that signature hair flip he does when he wants to seem Really Cool, his controlled mannerisms, his clothes that are way too warm for Hoenn and I don’t know why he wears them but he obviously doesn’t care---- everything!!! He’s so cute and cool and lovely and 

I Adore Him.

He’s a bit of an idol of mine at this point. Some sort of ideal self. Which sounds weird since he’s a 10-year-old secondary anime character who hasn’t been seen onscreen in like 8 years, but whatever. I admire Drew’s drive to succeed, how he helps others, respects their feelings, and doesn’t change just to impress other people. I wish I could be as unconcerned with other people and follow my own path the way he does.

But his flaws are good to reflect on, too! His strict means of training make him inflexible, and I think his lacking ability to adapt is what holds him back a bit. It’s nice to know what you’re good at it, but if you focus only on your strengths, weaknesses become that much more obvious, and new opportunities for growth may be missed! I relate to this a lot because I’m afraid of doing new things because I’m so uncomfortable at appearing unskilled. But there’s no way to improve at something if you never attempt it!

His line about there always being someone better out there than you sticks with me, as well. I think Drew takes a different take on his own advice (“I guess there’s always someone better”) between the two grand festivals we see him in. In Hoenn, Drew uses the idea of someone always being better as a consolidation as to why he lost to Robert, he doesn’t seem too upset about it because I think it was more about the person he was facing. Robert is older, presumably more experienced, so it’s fine and understandable to lose to him. 

But when he’s faced with the prospect of May having a good shot at beating him, he’s agitated and nervous. Scared. Because May wasn’t just a ‘someone’ that could be better than him. He had seen her as a novice, and so the idea of losing to this kluzty beginner girl wasn’t acceptable. When Drew has time to sit and think about why he’s so upset, with Ash and Brock giving him some thoughts, I think Drew realizes that if he comes out of the competition stronger and more experienced than when he went in, having won or not, that is more valuable than focusing on being better than specific competitors. That’s what rivalry is. The end goal of a rivalry shouldn’t be to definitively be the winner in the relationship, but to keep challenging each other to become more skilled. You hope your rivals and friends help you improve, and you want to see them experience that same growth as well.

Pursuing any goal in hopes of being the best will get discouraging fast because there really is someone better than you, eventually, if not now. The most reliable thing is to just keep improving yourself. Hope that your past self would be in awe of what you can do now, and know that you still have a lot of growth and accomplishment ahead of you.

The reason I love Drew so much, and why this essay is so ridiculously long, is probably because I’ve locked myself into a bit of an echo chamber, honestly. Since I watch episodes with Drew most often and reflect on him a lot, he’s become extremely important and fascinating to me. I realize he’s a standard character from an objective view: the love interest and classy, arrogant rival…but after a full decade he’s developed a whole life of his own in my mind. Making headcanons and backstories and predictions for the future is so much fun! I know I build him up to be a lot more than he is in the series (I mean I usually get disappointed at the lack of depth he has when I go back to watch episodes) and it seems silly but…I’m okay with that silliness at this point. I kind of have to be after a solid decade lol

After all, I only picked up art again after wanting to bring fanart ideas to life when seeing a challenge for drawing favorite characters. Is that a laughable reason? Yeah! But do I enjoy art and I’m glad I decided to try again? Definitely!

And I thought AMVs with Drew on YouTube were so neat that I decided I wanted to make my own. So, I tried video editing, and I liked it! I still do video work and may incorporate it into a career. A career – from wanting to put clips of Drew and May to cool music. It’s so bizarre, but I’m glad that started me on this path!

Last year I also decided to finally get serious about learning Japanese which unsurprisingly, probably wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t so interested in the Pokémon anime and my doujinshis with you know……. Drew. Learning a new language is rewarding in itself because I think it’s so neat to develop the ability to communicate with an entirely new group of people. To share ideas and culture and conversation…it’s amazing! Speaking of which – the people.

I’ve met so many people because of my love for Drew. Quite literally all of you reading this. Otherwise my YouTube account wouldn’t have existed, this blog wouldn’t, the videos, the shitposts, the fanart, all the cards and packages sent to one another, the hilarious, thoughtful, bizarre, uplifting text messages, every interaction and friendship online…none of them would have happened. Not that I don’t have bonds built on things other than Pokémon (it’s hard to believe, but some people have no clue how much I like Pokémon, much less Drew lol), but it seems like a butterfly effect. Since I’ve loved him for literally half of my life and I’ve gone through my teenage and now early adult years with this Thing for him, I don’t even know how much of my own personality and experience living as myself would be different. It’s wild and weird. My time in the Pokémon fandom has factored into so much of my life that I can’t possibly imagine what my life in some Drew-less parallel universe is like. Not to say my life would be bad without this fixation, but it’s too much change and I love my life the way it is!

Although this Drew Day is entirely arbitrary and June 12th has no real significance for him as a character, it’s great to get all my thoughts and feelings focused on one date. It all probably sounds ridiculous, all the importance I put on Drew as a character, but I’m aware of that ridiculousness. I thoroughly enjoy it! Drew will likely always be my favorite character in all of media. Perhaps someday I won’t think of him much anymore, but I would have guessed that as a 10-year-old thinking of her 21-year-old self, wouldn’t I?

All I can hope for is that I continue to have a great time with the Pokémon series, and that maybe my love for Drew will end up leading me to new passions and interests even further in my life. I’m so thankful he exists as a character and that I’ve had such a great time discussing him in stories and jokes and art with so many others. So, thank you! Everyone!!

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 9 - “Call Me A Spoon Cause I Really Tried To Stir The Pot” - AUGUSTO

Ruben went home...... expected? He was inactive af. He was definitely a closer ally of mine, and it sucks that he went down the way he did, but there was really nothing else that was going to be done to save him. There was a half attempted effort right before tribal, but also people didn't wanna do it bc he was throwing his closest people under the bus, which was bizarre to me. It was just a bad move ANYWHOM. I was busy last round until tribal essentially, and just didn't have time to do my confessional where I just go and RANK how much I trust everyone lol god speed Tier 1: Top Trust 1. Augusto - He is obviously my #1. He has been giving me some antsy responses lately, and he didn't immediately tell me about the Regan idol thing and STILL didn't tell me about the OG Malabar alliance that was made that includes Nicole, but it's fine because we've got each other as our number ones, and I genuinely don't think he has that kinda relationship with anyone else, and I'm fairly certain Augusto would never vote me out. 2. Dan - Honestly the difference between 2 and 3 are splitting hairs, but Dan seems like he is going to be the most beneficial to my game in the long run. He is definitely a more well versed player than #3, and I know that he is going to tell me most things. The way I found out Augusto was keeping things from me, was from Dan, and I know that my relationship with Dan is good, we've been to finals together, and he has told me on more than a few occasions that he trusts me the most in the game, which is normally a pretty good sign. 3. Crooks - Gosh I love Alex so much. I am so happy he got to return to the game, and I'm happy he just gets to play this merge the way he wants to. I do know he's a little socially awkward, he makes some questionable game moves, and honestly hasn't made it the FARTHEST in games recently, but I do think that Alex wouldn't turn his back on me if I showed him the utmost loyalty that I could, which I'm going to try to do. My biggest challenge for the rest of the season is going to be convincing all three of these people that I am running all the way to the end of this game with them, and hopefully that'll keep me from being blindsided haha Tier 2: A Good Amount of Trust 4. Vilma - Vilma is a gem. Tbh I think she trusts me more than most people as well. I don't think I'm her top person, but I do think I'm really up there. Vilma told me about the idol, we had three alliances in common (one with Zach, power bottoms with Asya, and golden girls with Dan and Augusto), but I do actually think that Vilma is just a straight up, and loyal, player. The only problem is that I think everyone sees Vilma as that. I feel she's just a wild card in my book because she CAN do something, but my gut is telling me she's going to want to ride this out with me as long as she can, especially since I know about her idol and normally people don't fuck with people who know they have the idol Tier 3: The Average Tier 5. Asya - Y'know......... idk. We have the Power Bottoms alliance, she has been very straight up with me in PMs, and I feel that Asya wouldn't do this to me. There are too many factors in the game right now, where I feel I can at least trust that she wouldn't vote for me until the final 9, so that's that on that. 6. Ricky - Ricky also really seems to have a good connection and trust with me. The main reasons I've got Ricky here (and kinda Asya too), is because I just feel that they both aren't the MOST active, and are definitely relying on some of their earlier relationships, which is me, also they're worried about being under fire, and I think that they will be soon because both of these guys are being coupled together, but we've been on good terms on a tribe before, and honestly this entire game, but I'm just pessimistic about anyone wanting to actually work with me long term, so I get confused. Tier 4: These People Make me Feel Confused 7. Regan - Who would've thought there's a world where Regan wasn't last, but instead she was right in the middle of the pack. Tbh, with how this game has gone, Regan should be higher, but just because of our past, this is a safe place to be. Regan and I have gone AT IT in the past, and she is a very sporadic player, and truly could do anything at any time, and she can decide she doesn't want to work with me anymore. I have an alliance with her and Augusto, which is making me feel good about our working relationship, and with Augusto hopefully staying very tight, he can make sure that there's no funny business. I do know that if Regan plays an idol at an unexpected time, I should probably get a little worried, and follow suit afterwards to make sure that it isn't an idol play on me. She has actually seemed to have been playing a good game so far, and I've got some confidence that Regan is going to shake the world a little bit this game, and I'm kinda here for it. 8. Jared - So like? I know he's a slimy motherfucker and he trusts other people way more than he could ever trust me, but I like him a lot as a person and we have great talks. I made a deal with Jared and Nicole to not go after them, and I know they have relationships with lots of people, and lots of trio chats, and they probably have to keep up in all of them to seem like they don't have trios with EVERYONE, but it's just a mess. I think once Jared or Nicole goes, I'm going to be incredibly close to the one who ends up staying, but I just don't know whoever stays, I am going to try to forge an incredible relationship with. I don't mind whether it's Jared or Nicole that ends up staying, but I bet Jared going is probably better for my long term game just because he's such a bigger snake in the grass. Also I know he knows about Regan's idol, so that's something too, but my connection with Jared, in this given moment, is better than my relationship with Nicole 9. Nicole - I feel we haven't connected in awhile, which is worrisome to me because I know she plays hard. I know Nicole is threatening, and she is probably more threatening than I've even thought about her being ever. I didn't think Nicole was a big ticket player, but honey she is PLAYING. I just need a better relationship. I know her or Jared should be out of the game soon, and I kinda hope Nicole is the one that falls by the wayside because I almost trust that Jared might lean on me more. 10. Roxy - ROXY IM SORRY YOU'RE DOWN HERE BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN'T BE, but you are the biggest ORG tease I've ever ever played with. You make me feel so good in our relationships every game we've played together, but then you've taken me out of both of them (in one you attempted, but failed) without hesitation, and I don't trust you. I know we're good friends, and I honestly think that you trust me more than you trust most other people in this game, but I still don't want you here, and if the opportunity arises, I really do know I'm going to want you out, and vote for you at the first chance I can. At this point, I'm going to keep talking to you as if we're working together, but I'm not giving you any information...... i cant trust it. I hope I can see your intentions were good after this game, but genuinely, I don't know what to believe with the last two ORG experiences we've had together. Tier 5: Who? 11. Frankie - I'm almost certain you're going home next lol. Talk to people :)

Regan is so fucking annoying sometimes. Like she acts like she knows better than everyone else all the time. I care about her as a human, but don’t pass judgement on me when what I’m doing has literally no bearing on your life whatsoever. Stop acting holier than thou and go back to fucking Red Robin and get your 20% tips and continue to pass judgement on the people who might want to go out with their family for a nice meal, but not be able to tip a full 20%. If you don’t like it, don’t fucking work a job that pays $2 an hour. Jesus Christ. It’s Christmas so I’m gonna go back into my Baby Jesus lane and shut the fuck up, but Regan’s on my shit list now.

6:31 PM okay i want Jared AND Nicole out I'm so TIRED of this like they clearly dont trust me nicole hasnt spoken to me since merge jared made me PROMISE that I wouldn't go after him, presuming in his tone that he already didnt trust me i am not liking my position. I need to go back and remember which people i told that I wanted Roxy out over Ruben bc i think more people might want to work with roxy now (which i knew would happen) and i dont want it all getting back to her because i think she thinks im one of her closest Augusto just told me that jared proposed to roxy a voting block of roxy augusto jared nicole asya ricky which makes me think even MORE that nicole jared ricky roxy asya need to GO But tbh I trust Asya, and kinda Ricky I have a feeling that Ricky wouldn't vote for me if it came down to it i also feel im lowkey playing a horrible game lmfao thank you for coming to my christmas day confessional :)

(A LITTLE LATER)

sorry...... im still going My biggest problem is that this game has been moving lowkey slow, strategically speaking and time wise, and now we've gotta wait an extra day to boot up the game again, even though no one is doing anything at 10pm the night of christmas, but whatever, that's old news and fucking frankie is probably going to go this round and then we're just going to have to wait another few days for the BATTLE to ensue, but honestly, more people going that I'm not directly aligned with is good because I just need as many insurance policies as possible I very much want to play the merge in the most cutthroat way i've ever played. I want to make those game moves and I want to get that respect. Let's be honest....... everyone knows im a fucking snake, so it isn't like this is anything new to anyone. I'm keeping loyal to my top 3 (maybe top 4 @vilma) (jk loves vilma), and then im going to wreck everyone else, and there's going to be almost nothing that's going to stop me. I'm out for blood, and it's starting with upping my social game for the rest of the game I am done with school, and I am on vacation until (presumably) the end of this game, so if I just keep up my social game, and make this game my #1 priority, im going to be in an incredible spot, but right now, im feeling like I need 2-3 people to go home before I feel super secure. The REALLY good thing is that I still have my idol, and me and my UTMOST closest ally (augusto) know where all three of them are, which is HUGE for the program, so I've just gotta make sure that I can use all this information to my advantage. I've gotta start getting in some tighter blocks, and more importantly make myself more available to people like ricky and asya, who I feel I haven't done the BEST job with, but I know they're two of the socially weaker people in the tribe.................... im just getting nervous and i want this game to GO

https://youtu.be/vmqseVAWX98

wish i didnt have to go to tribal xoxo

Roxy keeps helping me with the bransteele comp and I forgot she thinks we're friends..... i know i don't trust her, but she's good for now roxy you just got back in my good graces :))))))

(A LITTLE LATER)

Hi it's johnny im currently breaking down jared went to frankie and told frankie that me/vilma/dan have a f3 and that Jared wanted to make a big move this round..................... frankie then told augusto and augusto told us thank god, but like fuck you jared honestly. it's just horse shit because there's no good reason for him to be going after me other than our past and I fucking hate when people do that, however, i'm just anxious because I know that Vilma is safe, and Dan and Jared were on OG malabar together, and I know they've previously gotten along, meaning that the only other option is me it's just fucking annoying because jared is honestly supposed to be a friend, and in my head, i was refusing to vote for him or nicole this round because i like them both as people, and figured that i'd do something about it later when it became obvious one of them had to go, and not me initiating it myself, but now at this point i dont know what I do know is that I'm fairly confident in quite a few people not saying my name this round, and those people being 100% alex augusto dan vilma roxy, and then im fairly confident regan has my side too. realistically this should be giving me numbers, but I know that there's a lot more that comes into play than that on top of that i do have an idol, and I didn't want to play it this early, but it looks like I may have to.. the only good thing is that i know about vilma's idol and i know abotu regan's idol bc they both told me about it, and i feel if either of them knew i was in trouble, they'd consider using it on me because they're both more loyal players than they are selfish perhaps? (maybe moreso vilma than regan lol) roxy made an alliance chat with vilma augusto and myself, and roxy wants to go for ricky, which honestly, if we pretended like we were going for jared and nicole, and flushed out a ghost island advantage that either of them may have (which we're almost certain nicole has one bc she lied horribly about her visit to ghost island, according to augusto), so at this point i really really dont know. I feel im sitting on a lot of information right now, but im a scared pussy and dont really know what to do with all of this stuff that i'm being told because im quietly trying to sit on it and let augusto do all of the good work in trying to swing frankie onto our side. god bless them not knowing im with augusto i just need augusto to continue playing double agent until it keeps me safe lol also fuck you jared

https://youtu.be/oFPDXhxHgDs forgot to send last night

Johnny is a little fucking scumbag isn't he? So I'm hearing tea from Jared that Johnny approached him this morning about me and Vilma trying to steer the vote towards Nicole. That's a damn fucking lie. I never once tried to steer the vote that way. I think that Johnny is getting a little big for his britches. I could totally be getting played by Nicole and Jared rn, but I don't know why they would lie about all of this. Unless they really are trying to blindside me? Idk wtf is happening, but I just want to beat my fucking placement.

https://youtu.be/LWdipgmXYSs

This is my host chat today and idc who is offended by the following messages: I HATE THIS GAME im so annoyed why is jared doing this like why I was trying to be NICE 2:37 PM im going to be the target this round literally fuck jared i hate him so fucking much why is he such a dick i need to write a confessional 2:45 PM k i confessed my hatred and feelings im just annoyed that this is how this is going down and I just KNEW that this shit would happen with jared the good thing is that he isnt aware of my relationships 3:08 PM I feel I have the most handle on this situation though lowkey 5:20 PM okay they're targeting dan im not worried anymore lol 5:33 PM dan is going to blow up the game please dont dan please he wants to expose the fact that we know the other side is planning something I know we have six people they're trying to get out dan and they're pinning dan/vilma/i as a trio they being jared and nicole, probably asya and ricky, but they don't really have brains augusto and roxy are playing the middle hard right now to make sure that nothing happens to me specifically, but if the vote stays on dan then im not going to be bothered about it, but honestly i dont want to lose a number, and I'd rather silently push than anything so idk im trying to think ive got a little over an hour to do something about it 6:00 PM gosh this is getting messy im not okay with it im trying to swing alex right now so we dont have to go to rock 6:15 PM LMAO HOW IS AUGUSTO IN THE MIX SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE THAT CAME FROM BECAUSE I DONT KNOW omg this is getting too messy 6:22 PM ill take 12th. let's have some fun I hate this game I hate this game I hate this game I hate this game I hate this game I hate this game I hate this game I hate this game If anyone including the hosts knows what's going on I will send you on a European vacation jared doesnt even know the whole story but i am talking to jared now we're like businessmen sitting at a table Ugh I hate Jared But I am playing nice like i actually love him im going at it with jared in a good way i want him back in mine and dan's good graces ugh vilma is a lowkey useless ally Alex is such a shitty socializer i just need to put that out there like there are things that should stay in your head and he's got a lot that he keeps putting on paper LMAO ALEX IS A LEAKY FAUCET HE SAID HE WANTS A F2 WITH ME BUT HUNNI LISTEN YOU DONT GO TELLING SOMEONE IMMEDIATELY WHAT I SAID AFTER I TOLD IT TO YOU im so mad because this is just dumb survivor gameplay on alex's part because ricky was so quick to tell people that alex told him this information lmao

(A LITTLE LATER)

can we talk about me being the king of exploiting every piece of information I found out today to someone with a big mouth, so this way it would get around and i wouldn't be targeted? wooooooooo

Alright so this round has been really hecking hectic. I found a clue to the idol and highkey I wanted to share it with Jared/Nicole but I needed to reaffirm my alliance with Asya and Ricky. And then we were FINALLY gonna blindside Dan. Then Frankie told Dan. Then Dan told Johnny. Then Johnny told me despite me already knowing all of this. Then he told me he wanted Ricky out. So I told Ricky. Ricky told Dan and Johnny. So Johnny knows I spilled the beans. That's fun. And now Frankie's going home for being a blabbermouth. That's what happens when you speak huh!

Okay so basically Things became messy And I don't know who's telling the truth Either Johnny or Jared+Nicole are bullshitting me and I don't know which It seems everyone's voting Frankie now Which I guess I'm fine with But I don't even know who I'm working with next round Because nobody includes me in anything All I know is I never told anyone I wanted to vote Nicole out and the person who spilled those rumors must get out of here, FAST I'm rather pissed I feel like I don't trust anyone Where are all my real allies? Oh I don't have those Everyone's so shady Can I get voted out even though I'm immune? I hate this I didn't sign up for THIS I don't think a single person is being straight with me So from now on I'm a free agent I'm back to square one

Ricky and I called for like a half hour and compared notes and honestly, Johnny has got to go, but not right now. If that’s a big miss steak, oh well, but I do think I’m gonna make it through this vote which is exciting. If I get fucking 12th again I’m gonna kermit I think. I can’t believe I trusted the straight fraternity brother. Ugh

ok soooo i might have an alliance of 6 lets hope it works and im not the second boot again after my return lmaoo

this is a fucking mess

wowowow these people make me sooooo MADDDDTTTT just do what i want!!!!

(A LITTLE LATER)

everyone is ignoring me except johnny and augusto and ik im being voted against like 11-1 and it feels gross lol i hate everyone here and im not voting for most of them at the end. there was like 2 people i didnt message and ig that means im "inactive" or some shit 

Oh SHIT I got so distracted by the messiness that I forgot to tell I accidentally won immunity AGAIN fuck my life I was trying to throw Vilma Hmm I'm trying to throw this challenge but at the same time look like I made at least some effort but suck I hope at least some people tried for real Pippa You make me laugh so hard Vilma IS THIS A JOKE I SWEAR I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER WIN WITH THAT Fuck I'm ruining all my chances at going deep with these immunities (cwl) I hope people realise my score was bad FUCK This is the thing, I didn't want to abstain because then it would look like I'm just lazy but I wanted them to think that I actually suck. Gosh I'm failing at life I guess I should just use these opportunities to build better relationships with people but everyone knows I'm horrible at that dnn congrats compbeast <3 Vilma SHUSH

SO ITS FRANKIE BUT I MIGHT GO HOME with an idol in my pocket

Call me spoon cause I really tried to stir the pot this tribal to no avail.