#I genuinely do not know what is going to happen to her
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There are SO many negative nancys this season. Y’all need to cut it out. You’ve gotten so entitled.
“This was a bad wildcard” I don’t know how old you are, but I was in 3rd grade when I was taught how to give constructive criticism, and I was way younger when I learned that most people don’t like receiving unsolicited criticism. All of the players have loved the challenge of each of the wild cards. They have loved staying on their toes. If they genuinely hated it, they would have said something. Changes would be made. If it’s not interesting to you, then you can stay quiet and leave. You’ve gotten way too comfortable disrespecting people from behind a screen.
“The teams are unoriginal” Making sure that the players are having a good time is among the top priorities of this series. They are naturally going to link up with people they’re comfortable with. If you have a problem with that, then maybe you need to be put in a room with your best friends and some people you kind of know and be criticized when you gravitate towards your best friends. I don’t understand why you all are having such a problem with the concept of seeking comfort in a scary and unpredictable environment.
“Pearl shouldn’t be on a team with Cleo and Scott” well, she made her choice, didn’t she. That’s not up to you. She is an adult. She can choose who she hangs out with. Cleo and Pearl have not had significantly more of a rivalry than any other two players on the server. It seems like you’re just paying more attention to them because they’re women. Don’t try to take away from Pearl’s autonomy. Don’t try to conduct who she hangs out with. It’s really fucked up, what happened to Grian and Scar. Don’t let it happen again. Additionally, Pearl doesn’t care if you don’t think her character should be getting along with Cleo and Scott. The lore is made to fit the events of the server, and never the other way around. If you’re not creative enough to come up with a lore-reason for Pearl, Cleo, and Scott to be getting along, then I really don’t know how you’re still alive.
“Scott’s going to kill Pearl” why. Why would he do that. What record do you have of Scott betraying Pearl for no reason. The only reason he didn’t want to accept her as his ally in Double Life was because he just teamed with her in Last Life, and you all have proven just how much you’re gonna whine about a repetitive team. What history does Scott have of killing his own teammates. The biggest concern on that team is Impulse, who is notorious for holding grudges and betraying alliances. And yet your focus is on the catty two who are loyal to the core. Does that not sound like stereotyping to you? Do you even watch their perspectives? Cause you don’t act like you do.
It is a legitimate miracle that Grian is giving us another season. Be grateful, or we’re not getting another. You try coming up with balanced ideas that will last 6-8 episodes with ~15 people. See how many you come up with.
#i saw someone say that#the snail gimmick was bad#because it took so many lives and therefore the series will be shorter#how long do you think this series is supposed to be#many players were betting on these wild cards being more dangerous#it sounds like the series is going exactly how everyone involved wanted it to go#you’re not entitled to this content#be grateful#quit biting the hand that feeds#trafficblr#smajor#grian#pearlescentmoon#zombiecleo
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I Hate You, I Love You- part 2
Part 1.
Summary: You swallow your pride and ask Melissa to do you the favor of a lifetime.
WC: ~2.5k
Monday morning comes all too soon for you. Today is the day that you have to swallow all of your pride and your hatred for the redheaded woman and all but beg her to pretend to be your faux girlfriend for the holidays.
You’re sitting at your desk trying to grade the last few spelling tests you skipped out on over the weekend when you hear her make her way in, keys jingling and boots clanking against the tile loudly. God- you do not want to do this. But it’s now, or it’s in the staff lounge with everybody watching and listening in. So, you stand from your desk, run your fingers through your hair nervously, and make your way over to her door.
Her back is turned to you, she’s leaning over to put her bags on the ground, and… damn. Her figure is insane. You take a few silent moments to appreciate it without her being aware that you’re there. Quietly, you knock on her doorframe and lean against it, arms crossed over your chest. Are you pushing your breasts up just the slightest bit? Maybe. If you have to swallow your pride and nearly die of embarrassment, you might as well look hot doing it.
She turns just her top half, still leaning over, and you have the perfect view of her… Shit. Stop looking.
“What could you possibly need right now?” She huffs out. “It’s freakin’ Monday at 7:30.”
You harden at the greeting she’s given you. “Trust me,” you roll your eyes. “I don’t wanna be here anymore than you do. But, I got to talk to you. Alone.”
“Oh?” The redhead raises her brow and sits in her seat before looking at you confused. “Come to finally tell me that you’re-”
“I need a favor,” you sigh. “Like, a really big one.”
“I can’t get you outta a ticket,” Melissa snorts. “You know that.”
“I don’t need that. I need… I need you to…” Just fucking say it. “I need you to pretend to my girlfriend over the holidays.”
Her jaw drops. It’s clear that’s not what she was expecting you to say in the slightest. “What?”
“I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend over the holidays, and before you shoot me down, at least let me give you the sob story and think about it. Please?”
She begins howling with laughter. “Sure, let’s hear it.”
You explain what had happened on Saturday, and you hate the way that she’s getting such pleasure out of your misfortune. “And they all mentioned something about it yesterday as I was leaving too, so I know I can’t get out of embarrassment either way- having you there somehow seems like the better option.”
“Why’d you say my name?” your colleague asks, and it’s clear she genuinely wants to know. But then she gives you that ridiculous smirk again. “Is it because you know I’m the hottest person you could think of?”
“Please,” you snort. “I was going through the list of single people I knew in my head, and I knew I couldn’t say someone that my mom already knew… unfortunately, your name came out of my mouth before I could stop it. And now they know what you look like, so it’s not like I can ask anyone else to pretend to be you. But you wish I thought you were hot.”
That’s a bluff. You think she’s hot as hell, but she can’t know that. And what you don’t know is that Melissa wishes you didn’t hate her the way that you do, and she wishes that she didn’t have to pretend to hate you to get your attention.
“What’s in it for me?” she chooses to ask.
You roll your eyes. “My mom’s cooking, and you get out of having to deal with Kristen Marie on Christmas.”
“And…?”
“A hundred bucks.”
“A hundred bucks a day.”
“No way.”
“How many days are we talkin’?”
“Probably the weekend,” you sigh. “That’s three hundred bucks and an hour car ride there and back; usually stay with them during the holidays so I don’t have to drive back and forth, and if I don’t, they’ll know something’s up.”
“Three hundred bucks,” Melissa states again. She knows she won’t take your money, but she wants to see how desperate you are.
You groan. “Fine.”
“And then what are you gonna tell them after?”
“That we broke up,” you tell her as if it’s obvious. “Trust me. This is just going to be a weekend thing, and then I’ll only have to talk to you at work.”
“Fine. Don’t go fallin’ in love with me, babe,” the redhead winks at you.
You absolutely despise the way that the red creeps into your cheeks. “Don’t worry. That’s the last thing I’ll be doing.”
As the holiday season approaches, your mother continues to pester you about bringing your ‘girlfriend’ around before the actual holiday. Luckily, you can use the excuse that you are extremely busy with your students, as is Melissa. It’s not a lie- you feel like you’re drowning this year. You know your colleague isn’t fairing much better with her students.
But the Friday before winter break starts, exactly a week before you have to make your way back to your parents house, you step into Melissa’s room again early in the morning.
“Come over tonight. We need to figure out all of the details of our relationship so we don’t flop in front of my family next week,” you tell the redhead.
Melissa shakes her head though. “You come to me. Ain’t no way I’m goin’ to your place and eating takeout when I can just make us dinner.”
“Fine.”
“Six. Bring wine.”
After a long day of school with children all too eager to be done for the week, they’re sent home, and you’re able to leave the school for the weekend. You’re looking forward to the last few days of teaching before the break and then Christmas break itself… until you remember that you have to spend Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the day after with Melissa. God, this is going to suck.
Still, you’re caught in your web of lies, and you know you can’t back out now- not this late in the game. So, at six o’clock, you’re on Melissa’s front stoop, knocking with a few bottles of wine in hand.
When the redhead opens the door, you hate yourself for ogling her. She’s standing there in a tank top and sweatpants, hair knotted up in a messy bun, and covered in flour. “Jesus. I said a bottle, not three.”
“Well, I didn’t know what you liked, and we’re gonna have to be drunk to make this work,” you shrug.
“Red,” is all she says as she steps out of the way to let you in. “Don’t forget that for when you’re getting me wine at your parents.”
You make a mental note of that, and then you make your way in. “I hate you.”
“I know,” is all Melissa responds with. “But it wasn’t me who said we were dating, now was it?”
“Shut up.”
“Make me.” Green eyes bore into your own for a few seconds, clearly challenging you.
You just set your things down on her counter with a scowl.
As much as you hate to say it, her cooking is delightful. The wine pairs well with the food. And you aren’t complaining about the view. Melissa looks… she’s hot as fucking hell, and you’ve caught yourself staring at her rack quite a few times during dinner.
You insist on cleaning up dinner, and she fights you on it. There’s something about it that makes you feel a certain way. It’s almost like you love to hate her.
Before you know it, the two of you are settled on the couch, each with yet another glass on wine in hand, and you’re attempting to hash out your fake love story.
“I told them we’ve been dating for a while,” you sigh. “So… I’m thinking four months? Long enough for you to show up to Christmas, but short enough for them to not know about you.”
“Sure,” she agrees without much of a fight. “I’m assuming we just met through work?”
“I figure the more truthful this lie is, the easier it’ll be to keep up with,” you shrug.
Melissa nods along. “That’s a good plan.”
“The other thing is…” you rub your collarbone nervously. “When I’m in a relationship, I tend to be quite touchy, so we have to- we have to do that.”
The redhead shrugs. “Whatever we have to do in order for me to get my three hundred bucks.”
You spend another two hours learning about each other, drinking wine as you go. She’s learned about your parents, your aunts and uncles, where you went to college, what your favorite color is, what kind of wines and cocktails you prefer, the foods that will be at dinners that you won’t go near, what you like to do in your free time… and in turn, you’ve heard all about her enormous family, how long she’s been at Abbott, how she loves to crochet but never knit, the fact that she has a guitar in her classroom that she doesn’t know how to play other than basic chords, among other things. The two of you agree that Melissa was the one to make the move on you after a happy hour with the work crew. You were the first one to say ‘I love you’, and those at school aren’t aware of the budding relationship between the two of you.
It’s a revealing night, and you find yourself not wanting to beat the shit out of the woman next to you. You would almost venture to say that you’re enjoying you’re time with her- almost.
It’s fairly safe to say when you’re finished going over family trees, your back story, and basic information about each other that you’re both wine drunk. You’ve gone through two bottles, and you’re halfway through the third.
“You’re fuckin’ crazy if you think I’m lettin’ you drive home like this,” your coworker laughs as she watches you attempt to gather your things. “Just stay the night.”
“Like hell I’m doin’ that.”
“You’re gonna have to spend a weekend with me sharing the same bed, in your parents’ house. Get over yourself,” Melissa tells you. “Seriously. Just stay- I got a spare bedroom you can use.”
“Fine.”
The next morning, she’s awake before you and somehow not hungover the way that you are. Melissa’s already left the house actually. She left you a note to make you aware of that.
Had to run out to do some grocery shopping. Don’t miss me too much. She finishes the note with a winking face, and she signs it ‘Mel’.
You roll your eyes, but you pick up the pen before scrawling out, Thanks for letting me stay the night. And then just to fuck with her, you scribble down an ‘xo’. And then you head back to your own apartment, entirely forgetting that you’re still clad in her sweatpants and About shirt.
With a heavy sigh, you shoot her a text. I left, but I forgot I’m wearing your stuff.
Just keep it for now. Bring it when we go to your parents’ house so it looks like you’ve had it for a while.
I hate to say it, but good idea.
I’m full of good ideas, babe.
You spend most of your Saturday nursing a hangover, Sunday is spent preparing things for the final few days of school before Christmas break. With Christmas Eve being on a Friday and Christmas being on a Saturday, that means you have up until Wednesday with your kids. Wednesday is the class holiday party, and you would prefer to have everything set and ready for you to just throw in the trunk of your car come the day of the celebration before you send the kids off.
Then, once your kids are sent off to their parents high on sugar and eager for the break from learning, you’re stuck with the knowledge that you have to spend some of your own retreat with the woman that you love to hate.
“I think we should have dinner again,” Melissa knocks on your door as you’re gathering your belongings. “Come over, I’ll make dinner, and we can go through our story again.”
“I’m bringing the wine?”
Your coworker smirks. “Yeah.”
This dinner ends the exact same way that your last dinner with the redhead did. You’re asleep in Melissa’s guest room dressed in a pair of her sweatpants and an old Abbott tee-shirt.
When you wake up this time around though, Melissa isn’t out. She’s actually downstairs sipping on a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper.
“The newspaper? Are you serious?” you tease her.
Your colleague just rolls her eyes. “I like having the fine print- reminds me of when my dad used to read it.”
“Well, lucky for you, my parents still get the paper delivered every morning,” you chuckle. “I don’t know how, but they manage it.”
Melissa purses her lips and sips her coffee. “Good to know.”
You scratch the back of your neck awkwardly before sighing. “Well, I’m gonna head out, but I’ll pick you up Friday at ten? My mom likes when I come over early so I can help her set everything up.”
The redhead just nods.
“Thanks for letting me stay the night again,” you say quietly before you grab your bag and leave.
Thursday, you spend most of the day regretting your decision of lying to your parents and aunt and somehow convincing the Melissa Schemmenti to play into your lie. Most of Thursday night is you lying awake and stressing. When you do finally fall asleep, you’re plagued with stress dreams about how this could all go terribly wrong.
All too soon does your alarm go off, you’re hauling your suitcase into the car, and then you’re making your way to Melissa’s house to pick her up.
She’s ready relatively quickly and jumping into your passenger seat in an awfully good mood for someone who has to pretend to be in love with you.
The drive is quiet, and you thank God for that. But then, you’re pulling into your parents’ driveway, and your nerves start to get the best of you. You feel your palms sweating as you don’t loosen your grip on the steering wheel.
Melissa looks to you with her brows furrowed. “Hey.”
“What?” you grit out.
“If you don’t fuck this up, I won’t.” And then she’s out of your car and grabbing both of your bags before she makes her way over to your door and opens it for you.
You raise a brow.
“Your mom is already standing at the front door waiting for us to come in,” she whispers to you. And then for good measure, she presses a quick kiss to your cheek. “C’mon.”
You tangle your hand with her free one, and then you’re making your way up to the door. You can only pray Melissa isn’t disgusted with your sweaty palms.
You don’t even have to knock before your mother whips open the door, Aunt Jo right behind her, with a grin on her face.
Here goes nothing.
TAGS: @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels--slut @sweetcheeksschemmenti @megamultifandomtrashposts @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1 @maybe-a-humanbean @imlike-so-gaydude @a-queen-and-her-throne @notinmyvocab @melanielaufeyson @dvrkhcld @cosmichymns @sasheemo @m1lflov3rrr @ricejucie @temilyrights @emilynissangtr @squinnchy @dopenightmaretyphoon @emeraldoceansstuff @shinyfaerielights @blkmxrvel @marvelwomenrule @sarahjohannson @casualfoxwitch
#melissa schemmenti fanfiction#abbott elementary#abbott elementary fanfiction#abbott elementary fanfic#melissa schemmenti fanfic#melissa schemmenti#melissa schemmenti x reader#melissa schemmenti x you
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I want to talk about a kind of troubling reaction I've been seeing to both Apology Tour and Ghostfuckers among parts of the fandom. The person is usually a reaction youtuber but sometimes someone writing on tumblr or twitter. They say something along the lines of "oh, I'm glad Blitz is being forced to confront his crimes/traumas/pain. This is the only way he will finally heal."
That's not how healing works.
I know that reaction youtubers don't always have the most developed takes because they're . . . you know . . . reacting in the moment. But I think it's still worth talking about.
I'm going set aside the people who seem to believe that Blitz needs to be punished for his crimes, and address those who genuinely think that getting a tidal wave of his own trauma in his face is what he needs to heal.
There's an attitude in contemporary culture that traumas are something people need to confront. As in, put on a brave face and dive in like a big boy. I blame capitalism, rugged individualism, and all the pieces of media that tie up a character's arc neatly by having them confront their darkest fears and insecurities. It can put a nice bow on things, but it isn't really how healing from trauma works.
Apology Tour:
Blitz gets confronted by a shit ton of people who hate him, at least some of whom are his exes, who he feels he's personally damaged. The decor and party games are all about killing and torturing him. Verosika confronts him about how much he hurt her. Oh, and then he sees the love of his life, who he's just recently pushed away, making out with another guy- proof, in his eyes, that Stolas is happier without him. And this all reflects the underlying fears he already has about who he is as a person (shown to us by Truth Seekers).
So what was the takeaway? Blitz came to the conclusion that he doesn't always want to be like this (good, but like . . . worth this much pain?). He flops on his steering wheel (relatable). He stops trying to reach out to Stolas (uh oh . . . ). He spends A MONTH spiraling in his own misery and making a mess of all aspects of his life until he's dragged out of it by a caring friend.
The party doesn't empower Blitz to change. It knocks him down and fucking traumatizes him (seriously, images of Stolas from the party show up later in his trauma reel) too much for him to be able to do actually work toward said change. I suspect that if left to his own devices, he would have kept spiraling for quite a while longer. It's one thing to want to change, and another to try to do so alone in the aftermath of a pile-on.
Ghostfuckers
After Blitz drags himself out of his hole of cheesy ice cream and despair to "play sex ghosts" (escapism, again, still knocked down by Apology Tour), infester demon Rolando picks him out as an easy target and assaults him, yes, assaults, with horrific images of his worst traumas and fears.
Not to state the obvious, but Rolando isn't interested in helping Blitz heal. He's trying to kill the guy. He wants to engulf Blitz in his trauma to the extent where he's consumed by it and loses the will to fight back. And as some excellent posts by others have pointed out already, he very likely would have succumbed if not for Millie's support.
Millie helps Blitz get through the onslaught by telling him about what makes him great and how he's improved her life and showing him love and care. And by literally beating the fucking infester out of him. Because there's someone in him who's hurting him, who's re-traumatizing him against his will. She takes him away from the reel of horrible memories.
So . . . do I think that confronting traumas can play a role in healing? Sure. But only if it's consensually (which neither of these situations are) and when the person trying to heal is ready. And most likely in small doses. No one's going and successfully confronting every horrible thing that's ever happened to them in one go.
And in my humble opinion, it's not going to work (for anyone, but especially not for Blitz) alone and without a healthy dose of kindness and compassion (both external and internal).
Blitz has a long road ahead of him toward healing, and it's going to be hard work on his part but also require love and support from the people in his life.
In a wonderful moment near the end of Ghosfuckers, Blitz and Millie work together to get Blitz's wrecked van unstuck and push it back through the portal into Hell. I love it because it's so simple and it kind of tells us everything we need to know. This sweet and salty gremlin has a lot of work ahead of him, but he doesn't have to do it alone.
#ghostfuckers#apology tour#blitz#blitzo#blitzo buckzo#millie#rolando#stolitz#verosika#my helluva meta#helluva boss
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Mouthwashing has given me a lot of brain worms and we've got thoughts—time to share them with the hungry void that is Tumblr. One of the last places I'm 90% certain my words won't show up stolen or regurgitated by machine.
Warning for spoilers about the game and rambling!
I believe that Mouthwashing is a modern-day Lolita. The storytelling is similar, in that, almost against their own better judgement and will, the audience finds themselves thinking like our unreliable narrator(s).
Most people.. Sorry, some people have cottoned on to the fact that Anya's personality is not that of a scared, timid and ultimately, useless nurse and she's been in fight or flight response for months now with no other choice but to fawn. As someone who has been in a similar situation for only one day a week for months, the fear only got worse, the longer I went without support. And the things that she does in the background.. No doubt similar to the way that Daisuke kept track of their food supply was brushed over and unsung.. So is the fact that Anya has been keeping a severe burn victim—with 4th degree burns so severe, any treatment we currently have is experimental and expensive.. If the pain does not kill you first—she's been keeping Curly alive for months with no help and incredibly minimal supplies. (I personally think that Anya probably was on the side of giving him an easier death or maybe even suggested a gentler way of giving him medicine—but (sterile) syringes in space? Limited water? An especially dismissive Swansea and go with the flow Daisuke?.. Easier to try and give Jimmy what he wants.)
But. I believe that people overlook the ways in which Catastrophe Jim's perspective on Curly twists our own. Pre-Crash Curly exists upon a pedestal—a good man, better than Jimmy could ever hope to be; a good, well-liked captain. Well-off, better looking (I say this because of the similarities in how Jimmy mentally views himself in similar shape and age as Curly) and still reaching for more. For better. People catch the underlying jealous and resentment for the life that Jimmy wants at all cost but.. They miss the pedestal. The miss the fact that if Jimmy says that Curly's better than he is, a good and better Captain.. That means that Curly is doing the bare fucking minimum: keeping them all alive year after year. Curly is a nice captain with the capacity to soothe over minor issues and keep a cool head and keep the crew on schedule.. But he is not a good one. He's not even a good person. Not really. Jimmy thinks of him as a good person, puts him on this pedestal that he's foaming at the mouth with excitement to pull him off of. Dirty the golden boy and spit on his silver-threaded bootstraps once and for all.
Except.. What evidence do we have that Curly is especially liked or respected? Where is this cheering crew? Where is Curly good?
Curly is a human, at the end of the day.
And.. Which comes to my more complicated and no doubt contriversal take... Curly is also a victim of Jimmy stuck in fawn response. This doesn't absolve him of the ways in which he failed the crew but Anya especially by letting Jimmy run amok and failing to take any action while he still had the chance. He stood by when Anya begins to hint at something beneath the shiny veneer of a happy tight-knit crew and most damningly, he stood by as Jimothy entered the cockpit immediately after suggesting a plan to kill everyone aboard.
I genuinely.. Genuinely.. Don't know what he thought would happen.
But he does take action.. And his last action is what makes he and Anya swap places. Except.. Not truly.
Yes, they are in similar situations—vulnerable to the whims of a psychotic madman with an inferiority complex and their plight largely ignored by the crew; a necessary sacrifice to keep the peace.. Just until safe harbor—but where Anya begins to gain autonomy and some relief from Jimmy no longer having a need for her.. Curly finds himself the center of Jimmy's world.
And that is not a great place to be in.
Curly is systemically isolated (bad-mouthed to the crew over and over again, berated publicly, blamed for an awful accident that Jimmy caused) and his torture and abuse mirrors the continuous, silent medical, emotional and physical abuse that many disabled people face. And almost in a worse way, his voice is stolen from him and used in such insidious inspiration porn.. A lot of people think that he actually said those things.
But we won't know. And if he did say these things.. Why does Jimmy only seem to (mis)understand them in the final acts? Recalling them in Curly's voice but not as the Captain but as a savior, his last charitable act to wipe the ledger of blood clean.
Jimmy doesn't want to see Curly better. He likes feeling useful. He enjoys having Curly watch him and in the same breath, he loathes it. He wants Curly's judgement. He wants Curly's praise. He wants.. Everything that makes Curly Curly.
Curly as a silent observer isn't remarked on often.. Nor is the fact that more than likely, the others heard Curly's sobs of pain from the medbay. But Curly is very conscious, very aware and very alone in his thoughts.
There's a point in which the perspective changes during Swansea's mercy killing—a gift that no one offers Curly—and once again, Curly is stuck watching all of his mistakes play out, one after the other. Unable to do anything but laugh.
But is it a laugh or a sob? Jimmy doesn't care and neither does the player—what's important is the objective: the gun. 739. Click. He steps over Anya's body like it's not even there and runs away.
We don't find out what set Swansea off—maybe Jimmy couldn't help himself and said something about Daisuke or Anya that blamed them. Maybe it was something else. Curly watches on. Helplessly.
There's something to be said about the black screens and the static that occurs when Jimmy hurts Curly or kills Swansea—like he's cutting the memory off before the guilt can get to him. And it's the same thing I'd like to bring up about Curly's voice. Yes, it takes a lot to speak without lips.. Or from what it looks like a tongue.. But there are more noises Curly can make. Noises that can refute Jimmy.
And in the same way that he's at the precipice of something so terrifying he keeps returning to the same spot that's slowly killing him, he's learned that fighting is useless.
It's 2 months after the crash when see Jimmy's perspective again, after all. And while Anya's requests for help seem to be new.. Who's to say that the beatings are?
The worse type of abuse is the type that leaves no bruises. After all, Curly cries all the time in pain.. What's the difference here?
To cycle back to my original point in this.. I don't see a lot of people consider Post-Crash Curly's living hell as another facet of Jimmy's abuse going unchecked by the people around him as anything other than comeuppance. As Karma. And it's the coldest take I've seen from the fandom so far. Allow me to reheat it up for you: disability so severe that you must rely on others is not divine punishment. It's not just desserts. Just as disabled people are your infantilazed, idealized, inspirational iron woobie that can take pain and push through it.. They are also not being punished by the divine. They are humans and sometimes shit just happens and it sucks.
The way that Jimmy views Post-Crash Curly as a saving prop.. Proof that he can indeed fix it.. is so normalized that as the audience, it can be something that you aim to achieve–one of the earliest and easiest achievements you can get is opening and closing Curly's mouth like a mannequin.
There's a relief that we share when Curly shuts up. There's a shutdown in empathy when Jimmy brutalizes him. Up until we can no longer look away.
Because Jimmy can no longer look away. And that is the chilling part of all this. Jimmy gets away with it—all of it—because of the crew's inability to overcome their own apathetic acceptance of the monster in their midst.
Just like most people accept the main character from Lolita as a gentleman, the crew accepts Jimmy as a guy. A little rough and short-tempered but what do you expect from blue collar work? Hold your nose, it'll be over in a year. In 8 months. In 10. Soon. It'll be over soon.
I can't help but worry if Jimmy weren't so bad at being likable and if he were even a smidgen of the charismatic mastermind, he so clearly wants to be..
We'd have another Valentino on our hands.
Mouthwashing is a horror that I can't help but devour. FEAST, indeed.
#mouthwashing#creative writing#writing#jimmy mouthwashing#captain curly#curly mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing
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Oh. Oh holy hell
HEAVY WARNING FOR THE HAZBIN LEAKS. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT BE MAD AT ME IF YOU WILLINGLY CLICK ON THIS AND GET SPOILED.
Tw: Mentions of Poison/Angel Dust’s abuse, Aphobia (from Viv and Hazbin, not me. Frick Aphobes or any kind of queerphobe /srs)
This is almost certainly real and that makes me
I think I feel worse than when the Poison leaks happened
And that was bad
Yet I think this might be worse… because at least some survivors do relate to and find comfort in Poison and Angel as a whole. At least people knew he was suffering from and dealing with this abuse. This… people couldn’t have seen this coming.
Alastor and Rosie’s relationship was one of the few actually well written ones in this freaking show. And they just screwed it the hell up
Alastor being owned by/selling his soul to Lilith made so much sense. Of course Lilith would care about his child’s dream, of course she would hide him away in heaven after a (likely) bad fight with Vox, of course if he was in heaven nobody could find him, of course he’d be so fearful of the literal Queen of hell.
If Alastor is owned by Rosie, why the hell would he actually be genuinely comfortable around her as shown in season one? Rosie wouldn’t give a shit about the hotel as well, I’m sorry but like huh??? She has 0 relation to the founders or guests besides Al??? Also there’s no freaking way that Rosie would be able to hide Alastor IN HELL FOR 7 FREAKING YEARS AND AVOID ALL DETECTION. If Vox’s cameras didn’t catch him in a HEAVILY POPULATED TOWN, there’s literally no way some random diner didn’t catch a glimpse of him or something??? And Al is probably on the level below Rosie power wise, there’s no way he wouldn’t have rebelled at some point, even if he lost???
But yeah, I’m beating around the bush here. Elephant in the room time.
The whole song and animation and everything leans WAYYYY too into the aspect of Alastor being Rosie’s pet, and that creeps me out so much. Because it again feels fetishized. Way too reminiscent of pet play and such, which I already don’t like on its own but I’m not getting into that. I wouldn’t even have an issue with it if
1. Rosie was portrayed as an actual big bad and not “secretly silly”, same issue as Val
2. ALASTOR WASNT FREAKING ASEXUAL. AND ROSIE WAS LITERALLY THE ONE TO CONFIRM THAT IN CANON (the “ace in the hole” scene was one of my favorites and now it’s ruined for me. Of course.)
I know k!nky asexuals exist and are completely valid and yall are awesome, and I’d be fine seeing that represented if, you know, ALASTOR WASNT SHOWN TO BE FREAKING SEX REPULSED?? HAVE WE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE FREAKING
^^^ THIS???
AND GOING BACK TO WHAT I SAID BEFORE: AT LEAST SURVIVORS WHO RELATE TO ANGEL KNEW THAT HE WAS A VICTIM LONG BEFORE THE RELEASE OF POISON AND S1. MANY FELT BETRAYED BY IT AND THATS VERY VERY VALID, BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN FAR WORSE (as in, Addict could’ve never existed, Angel fans including survivors could’ve had no idea of what he was going through before being thrown into the mess that is Poison). THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO FORESHADOWING OF THIS WITH ALASTOR. IVE SEEN SO MANY ASEXUALS LOVE AND RELATE TO AL AND TAKE WHAT LITTLE REPRESENTATION THEY GET IN STRIDE, AND IM SO SCARED TO SEE THEM DEAL WITH THE FETISHIZATION OF THEIR SEXUALITY. THAT WILL HURT ME MORE THAN WHATEVER THE PLOT DOES. IF YOU ARE ASEXUAL AND RELATE TO AL THEN I AM SO FREAKING SORRY FOR YOU, ESPECIALLY IF THIS ENDS UP HURTING YOU AS MUCH AS IT DOES ME /GEN
ALSO, APPARENTLY VIV IS DOUBLJNG DOWN FROM POISON BECAUSE THERE’S SOME CHEERY UPBEAT AH MUSIC BEING SUNG ABOUT ALASTOR BASICALLY BEING CHAINED AND ABUSED FOR THE MAJORITY OF HIS AFTERLIFE AND ALSO BASICALLY BEING SHOVED INTO A PET-PLAY KINK LIKE THING AS AN UNWILLING AND UNCOMFORTABLE (AND ASEXUAL) PARTICIPANT
Urghhh, I’m sorry I just really needed to get that out. Posting this on my selfship blog since it’s more contained and I have 2 Hazbin f/os anyway
Since I’m here anyway, yeah my Hellaverse AU won’t have any of this crap. Alastor will be owned by either Lilith or Roo, whichever one makes more sense when S2 comes out and we see more of Lilith and see if Roo was scrapped or not. Right now he’s owned by Lilith in the AU and his relationship with Rosie is exactly like in S1: genuine and comfortable. I’m sorry but I’m not letting Vic’s awful plot direction here ruin one of the few good relationships in the show.
And I’m sorry if any of this is exaggerated by accident, I’m just, er, very passionate about minorities being disrespected this badly and this is kinda just me dumping my thoughts and rage into writing /gen
On a small but light note, the other clip is actually really cool!! Makes sense for Heaven to have Goitia as well as Hell, and as long as this bird doesn’t turn out Stolas then I’m pretty happy with this :D
#rant post#helluva critical#helluva critique#helluva criticism#hazbin critical#hazbin criticism#hazbin critique#hellaverse critical#hellaverse critique#hellaverse criticism#vivziepop critical#vivziepop criticism#vivziepop critique#cw vivziepop#tw vivziepop#tw aphobia#asexual#Hazbin leaks
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was rotating another thought while making dinner about an idea in which, after being duped by azula at the start of season two, zuko makes a frustrated wish to not be so easily tricked by people's lies... which gets heard by a spirit that's a bit of a trickster.
or: zuko wakes up the next day and realizes he can now hear people's thoughts. this wasn't what he meant, THANKS.
zuko responds to something that iroh didn't say out loud. he just stares at his nephew- and then quietly asks zuko in his mind if he can hear him. zuko stares at his uncle in confusion. of course he can hear him. he isn't completely deaf. what kind of-
uncle why aren't your lips moving.
he cannot for the life of him shut it off. the more crowded an area, the more thoughts he can hear. it's headache inducing.
iroh helps zuko develop a few meditation techniques that help with the constant background noise of other people's thoughts.
he gets a. really rude wake up call when he encounters azula again, and can hear her laughing at him in her head. he knows she didn't even think twice about attacking uncle, because he could hear her think it- and then do it.
but he can also hear the genuine concern and desire to help in katara's thoughts. so when she offers to help heal iroh... he lets her this time.
(also, can they all stop thinking about how he has hair now.)
katara heals iroh. she says he'll probably ideally need at least another session to be certain he's free of any unexpected complications. zuko can hear that she's suspicious of him, but her concern for iroh outweighs it.
zuko tries to avoid them. they try to give zuko space. it's very awkward all around.
toph does not care about any of this. toph cares about the nice old man who gave her tea and good advice. zuko doesn't even need to read her mind to know about her conversation with iroh- she just tells him as much.
...and well. he's been hearing uncle's thoughts for weeks now. he knows beyond a a shadow of a doubt how much he cares about him.
long story short: zuko ends up tentatively joining the gaang here. mostly it's just for his own self-preservation at first. it's obvious azula doesn't care if he dies. he has better odds if he sticks with them. he still tries to keep his distance- but it's hard to do that while on the saddle of a flying bison, while you have mind reading powers.
(he goes with them to wan shi tong's library. he asks one of the knowledge seekers if they have anything about being able to hear people's thoughts. he doesn't really find anything conclusive. great.)
iroh makes the choice to part ways with him at ba sing se. his nephew has a chance to pass through the city unnoticed, but iroh cannot say the same for himself- at least, not if he's in the company of the avatar. zuko can hear for himself just how hard a decision this was to reach.
zuko: also. what's the white lotus.
(iroh sweats)
what's up it's round two of hearing your sister's thoughts. he hates it as much as the first time it happened.
zuko, meet joo dee. there's literally nothing going on in that woman's head. it's freaky.
(BA SING SE IS SO NOISY.)
at least the upper ring is a lot quieter. the gaang just watches zuko constantly get headaches and nod to themselves. yeah, that's zuko. he's just cranky.
how to find the avatar's missing bison: just read long feng's mind.
no need to figure out a way to tell everyone else this. just go get the bison yourself. also uncover a secret brainwashing facility?
toph knows something is up with zuko. she's just not sure what. his heartbeat just randomly went crazy when they were talking to long feng. and then when he comes back with appa and says he overheard the dai li talking? a total lie. spill it sparky. what's UP with you.
zuko: ...I could tell you, but none of you are going to like it.
sokka: try us.
zuko: I can hear everything you're thinking.
sokka: ...okay, yeah. I don't like that actually.
aang: zuko! you should come with me to meet the guru! maybe he can help you with the mind reading thing!
(he cannot, but zuko appreciates the offer.)
time to read your sister's thoughts! part three! she still makes zuko the offer to join her, but this time he can hear all of her underlying thoughts. she needs his help? more like she wants someone she can blame if things go wrong.
(but they don't. things always go right for azula.)
#sokka: wait a second....#(sokka starts looping the secret tunnel song in his head)#zuko: changed my mind. evil again.
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in another life | final part of "if you'd have stuck around"
i'll make you stay, there's just no way i'm leaving without your love if i had my way, i would be yours
— "yours" - now, now
part one | part two | part three
🏷️ @moonystoes @simp4panos
(a/n: the song for the previous chapter suits the first part (?) of this fic more actually but whatever lol)
part three You wondered how many times more you had to relive your break-up with Elisa, how many more times you had to deem the "last one," how many more times you would cry over losing her. You were sure you didn't have another "last" goodbye in you. When she left you in that meeting room, you didn't know what came over you but you cried just like you did five years ago. Sure, after you had split up with Elisa, there were several more instances that you cried but it aas nothing like this. You felt like you were back in that tiny dorm in Montpellier, hurriedly packing up your bag to storm out. You were gutwrenched, feeling like all of the hurt you've buried deep inside you was bursting out all at once.
What's worse was having to leave that meeting room, rushing to wash your face, grab your things, and dash out to avoid any questioning from your co-workers. The last thing you needed was word getting out about Elisa de Almeida making you cry. You spent the next few days avoiding all things football. You stashed the jersey and keychain Elisa gave you in the far corner of your shoe closet. You muted the phrases "Elisa de Almeida", "PSG" and the like on all your social media accounts. You were resolute that that last encounter would indeed be the last. But fate had a weird sense of humor. "Babe, I really don't feel up to it." You told Casey as you buried your head in a pillow. "Can't we just do it over the phone or email? What's technology for if we still have to physically go somewhere to interview people?" "Come on, babe, my dad asked us to do him a favor," Casey said, trying to lift your head up with her hands. "It's just a quick interview. It won't even be filmed."
You groaned. "Why can't they send Gina or Mark... or Daisy? That girl has turned into a full-blown PSG fan in the past week. She'd prefer to interview them." Casey huffed. "Well, I would ask them but they said the team requested you."
You peeked out from your pillow. "The team requested me?" You questioned. "I don't get why they'd like me so much. I pretty much exchanged like 12 total sentences with them all-in-all." "Yeah, to be honest, I just think that Jackie girl does have a crush on you." Casey said in jest. "Pretty sure she just wants an excuse to see you." You sighed, knowing fully well that it wasn't Jackie Groenen who had a crush on you. But then again, it also seemed very unlike Elisa to invite you over. When she left you in that meeting room, it felt like she also permanently decided on ever seeing you again. "Casey, please, I really don't want to." You took the pillow off of your head and gave your girlfriend a pleading look. "It's the last thing I want to do." Your girlfriend looked at you confused as she brushed your hair behind your ear. She cupped your cheek and used her thumb to caress it. "What's up with you, huh?" She asked, concerned. "Did something happen to make you dislike those girls? It's so not you to dislike working... I genuinely think my dad likes you more than he likes me cause you're always up for the job." You gave Casey a weak smile. You didn't know how to tell her that you didn't want to interview them because of Elisa. You knew deep inside that Casey would understand if you told her about what happened five years ago and also, what happened a few days ago between you and Elisa. But you felt like opening it up would just mean reopening your chapters with Elisa. "Babe, did they offend you?" Casey asked with a concerned look. "I did hear from some people that Elisa visited you to give you a gift from the team. Did something happen then?" There it was... your opportunity to tell Casey. You paused. "No."
Casey hummed. "Then what is it? Are you okay?" You felt a pang in your heart. Casey had trusted you immediately without even further questioning. The fact that she was so nice and trusting just made it all worse. You sighed. "Just feeling lazy," You excused. "But fine... I'll do it. But I need you to come with me, please." Casey pouted. "No can do," She sighed. "I'd drop everything to be with you normally but I kinda do have to be with dad for this meeting about a possible acquisition. No clue why I have to be there... I don't get the whole corporate mumbo jumbo but yeah, dad needs me there." "Fine, I'll go alone but drop me off, please?" You asked. Your girlfriend gave you a smile and a peck. "Of course, my darling."
Casey hummed. "Then what is it? Are you okay?" You felt a pang in your heart. Casey had trusted you immediately without even further questioning. The fact that she was so nice and trusting just made it all worse. You sighed. "Just feeling lazy," You excused. "But fine... I'll do it. But I need you to come with me, please." Casey pouted. "No can do," She sighed. "I'd drop everything to be with you normally but I kinda do have to be with dad for this meeting on a possible acquisition. No clue why I have to be there... I don't get the whole corporate mumbo jumbo but yeah, dad needs me there." "Fine, I'll go alone but drop me off, please?" You asked. Your girlfriend gave you a smile and a peck. "Of course, my darling."
You're filled with dread as you knocked on the hotel door. You read the message from your co-worker, instructing you to head up to this exact room. You found it odd that you weren't meeting at the hotel restaurant instead but you just figured the girls might be too tired. The door swung open. Jackie met you with a grin and threw her arms around you as if you truly were friends. Oddly enough, Jackie stepped out of the hotel room and shut the door behind her. "So nice to see you again." She smiled at you. You reciprocated the smile. "Yes, yes, are you the only one doing the interview?" You asked, hoping she'd say yes. "If you'd like, we can do it at the hotel restaurant. The company can foot the bill so we can go crazy on club sandwiches and coffee." She chuckled. "That's so sweet but actually," She replied. "I just asked your production manager to forward all the interview questions to my email and I'd reply through there too." You blinked in confusion. "Oh okay," You furrowed your eyebrows together. As if on cue, you got a text from Gina telling you that there was no need to conduct the interview in person. Too late, Gina. "I guess, I'd go now..." You said, still confused. Jackie held your arm. "Actually... please don't go yet." Her face looked a bit more serious. "Uh, I asked for the interview thing and really pleaded with my boss just so you could come." "A-what?" You asked silently, growing more and more confused. She blushed slightly. "I feel so unprofessional right now but..." She started. "I know.... about you and Elisa." You fell silent and stiffened. "Oh." It was all you could manage to say. The Dutch bit her lip. "I didn't want to pry since I know you're in a relationship but... Elisa hasn't been herself since she visited you so I interrogated her and she just exploded and told me everything." She sighed. "I just thought it would help... for you and her to talk. Even for just five minutes." You were caught in an awkward position. You had to be polite but also, you really didn't wanna do this anymore. "Sorry, Jackie. I don't think—" "Just five minutes, please." The Dutch girl pleaded. "It's affecting her game. She hasn't talked to any of us, not me or Grace or Saki. No one. Our manager is losing his mind having to deal with her and I'm just scared that if she doesn't get proper closure that she might not recover from it and... I don't know. I just figured this was a solution." "Jackie," Your voice trailed off. "Five minutes." She pleaded. "Just tell her that she should move on and that you'll always treasure your time together. I don't know. I've never been in this situation before..." She looked at you with desperation. "I care about Elisa. She's a good friend. If you have to lie to her, just to make sure she's okay... do it." She asked. "I know it's a lot to ask but please..." You took a deep sigh. "Fine." Jackie gave you a genuine hug. "Okay, I'll be back in five minutes. I'll leave you here and just... please try if you can." She asked. Cautiously, still holding on to your arm as if you'd run away if she didn't, she swiped her hotel key card on the hotel door. You two walked in. From the door, all you could see was Elisa's stuff thrown on top of her bed. Jackie started. "Elisa... I'm just gonna go buy some drinks. You want anything?" Elisa grunted in response. Jackie gave you a smile as if to say 'see?' Jackie responded. "Okay, stay here and I'll be back in five minutes." She said as you two walked further into the hotel room. You could now see Elisa under her duvets, scrolling through Instagram on her phone. "Don't leave this room." "Why would I —" Elisa spun around violently as she sat up. Her face went from incredulous to dumbfounded. You were instantly regretting your decision but Jackie had already swiftly exited the room.
"Hey," You said as you stood near the foot of her bed, nervously picking at the fabric of your cardigan. "Heard you weren't feeling well." Elisa gulped. She remained on the bed. She ran a hand through her hair and looked away for a moment, trying to regain composure. You took this opportunity to look at her. She looked tired and sleepless; her hair was a tad disheveled. Yet, to you, she still looked so good. She was wearing a black muscle shirt, revealing her strong arms. You couldn't deny it... she looked incredibly hot. Fuck, this is so weird. You thought to yourself. Why am I even here? "I'm supposed to tell you to get your shit together and move on and to do your job better, I think." You said with a hint of jest in your voice. "So, do that." She was still averting her gaze. You stood there awkwardly before biting your lip and sighing. "I guess, that's all I have to say." You said. "I'll go now." Elisa stood up and rushed to you. She put her hands on either side of you. "No, please, I need to talk to you." She said as she guided you towards the other bed. You awkwardly sat on the other bed which you assumed was Jackie's. Elisa sat on the edge of her bed. You were facing each other with knees knocking given the awkward proximity of the two beds. "So..." You started. Elisa looked up at you. You glanced at her too. You took it all in this time. You looked at her honey-brown eyes, the smile lines around her eyes, her nose, her pink lips, her slightly tanned skin. You figured you might as well take it all in now before you permanently closed the door on your relationship with Elisa. This is the actual last time I'd see her. After this, I'm closing the door and bolting it shut. You rationalized. You bit your lip awkwardly and looked away. "Did you win the friendlies?" She nodded. "Yeah, 2-1" You nodded. "You played the full 90?" She nodded again. "Even if I was fully shit, I did..." She responded. You sighed. "Was San Diego nice?" There was a moment of silence. Elisa didn't respond. Instead, she took your hands in hers. You nearly jolted as you felt her fingertips caress your palm so gently. She used her fingers to trace the lines on your palm as if trying to commit them to memory. The pads of her fingers barely grazed yours, as if you would break if she touched you any firmer.
She took a deep breath before she gently lifted your hands and rested her face in them. She kept her own hands at the back of yours, as if to keep you in place. Her face felt warm under your hands and her skin was so soft to the touch. It felt so intimate, touching her like this. You blinked and looked away for a moment. She shook her head slightly, feeling the movement echo in your hands. It was if to nonverbally tell you to keep looking at her.
When you hesitated, she whispered. "Please, just look at me right now. Just... pretend with me. Even if it's for a while."
You bit your lip. It was so honest and so... oddly painful to see her practically asking you to hold her like this. You were a tad clueless with what she meant. Did she want you to pretend you were still together? That you came here to be with her? Or... was she asking you to pretend that you still loved her?
"Just let me have this for a while," She whispered, as if reading your mind and answering your confusion.
Your gaze lingered on your own hands before finally giving in and meeting her eyes. They were as stunning as ever, the golden flecks in her irises more pronounced than usual. A familiar warmth pulsed through you mingled with a poignant sadness. A heavy glaze obscured her eyes, telling you just how she felt without having to use any words.
In that moment, you realized the cruel irony: the most beautiful things are often the most fleeting. A wave of emotion washed over you. This time, it felt different. It finally sunk into you that this really was the final goodbye. All the other times you deemed "the last" felt painful or incomplete. This felt almost... beautiful. It felt like you both knew this was the last and were finally accepting it. A bittersweet acceptance hung heavy in the air. “Please, move closer,” she whispered, her voice soft and gentle. Her fingers still intertwined with yours. You nodded. You stood up and stepped closer to her, looking down at her face. Her hands found solace under your cardigan and on your back, pulling you towards her with strong yet gentle hands. A pang of guilt shot through you.
You had a girlfriend, a sweet kind-hearted girlfriend. A girlfriend who had no clue what you were doing at this very moment... But suddenly her hands found their way under your shirt and her thumbs were rubbing circles into your skin, and all you could think about was how great it was to feel her touch like this again.
"You're so beautiful," She said in the softest voice. If she said it any quieter, it would have gone unheard. You smiled at her and you took her face in her hands again Without a conscious decision, you straddled her, your weight settling on her lap. She kept one hand under your shirt, at the small of your back to keep you steady and the other reached to your face. She took a stray hair and tucked it behind your ear, a silent gesture of intimacy. Time seemed to stand still. The world outside the hushed room faded into insignificance as you absorbed the moment, her warmth seeping into your soul. You took in the moment, being this close again, after years and years.
She inhaled deeply as her head nestled against your neck, a gentle weight that spoke volumes. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she clung to you; it felt like a silent plea.
As she breathed, her lips brushed against your skin, a feather-light touch that sent shivers down your spine. With each gentle exhale, you felt her warm breath caress the curve of your neck. Nuzzling closer, you inhaled the comforting scent that enveloped you; she still used that same familiar shampoo. You held her head against you, brushing her short, dark locks. The whole moment felt like a sensory experience devoid of thoughts or words. All you could focus on was the soft texture of her hair, the warmth of her body, the comforting rhythm of her breath. As you held her close, the world outside felt distant, muted, detached; it literally felt like you were in a dream or a small pocket outside of reality that only you and her occupied. She lifted her head, her gaze locking onto yours. A silent understanding passed between you. Then, with a swift movement, she flipped you onto the bed, hovering over you. Your eyes pleaded with hers, a silent plea for her to reconsider what she had in mind. But her gaze, unwavering, held a different message. Her eyes traced the contours of your face, lingering on your lips. You parted your lips as if to say something — maybe, a protest or even just asking her to pause and think it out — but nothing came out. She leaned forward cautiously and slowly, pausing intermittently just like she did when she first kissed you. And suddenly, you were kissing. Your lips stayed pressed together, unmoving for a moment. You felt tears sting your eyes. You were unsure why you were suddenly tearing up but the emotion was just too much to handle. Then, your muscle memory took over. You didn't have to think too hard before your arms wrapped around her as you locked lips. You let your hands move up and down to touch her back, her biceps, her body. It felt so familiar yet so new. And, her lips were incredibly soft and her taste... god, she tasted as addicting as ever. Elisa kissed you with a growing desperation. You breathed heavily as the kiss grew deeper, more intense. Her tongue licked your lower lip before you parted them to allow her entry. Elisa’s hand gripped your waist gently as she continued to kiss you.
You’ve kissed a handful of people after Elisa and you’ve kissed your girlfriend more than just a handful of times but… kissing Elisa was different.
You just moved naturally like you were made to be this close to each other. It felt like you two were speaking in a language only the two of you could understand. As your hands tangled in her hair, you couldn’t help but think that maybe — just, maybe — this was where you truly belonged.
She suddenly pulled away to give you two a moment to breathe. Elisa’s forehead pressed against yours as you shared a fragile silence, heavy and warm breaths mingling, each of you holding the other close as if afraid to let go. You wiped your face and realized that it wasn't just your own tears staining your face. Her tears had joined yours, tracing down your cheeks together, silent witnesses to all the emotions you felt. You felt her hands on you; her presence grounding you in that fleeting moment. Elisa was the first to break the silence, her voice low and tender.
“You’re still the girl I’ve always loved.” Those words cut through the air, and suddenly, it was as if reality had snapped back. The low hum of the AC filled your ears. You became acutely aware of her fingers under your shirt, the warmth of her body being this close to yours, the small ache forming in your chest. It was as if time had unpaused. You blinked a few times before gently pushing Elisa away. Elisa stood up, her face tinged with something close to pain and desperation, a pleading look barely concealed beneath her quiet gaze.
Yet, she didn’t say a word, letting you sit up and collect yourself in silence. You straightened your shirt and your cardigan. You brushed your hair and pat them flat with your hands quickly. Each crease on your clothes and each knot in your hair just felt like thinly veiled evidence of your moment of weakness. You cleared your throat as you stood up. You picked up your bag from the floor. You wiped your face with the flat of your fingers. You tried to regain composure even as all the emotions bombarded you. Elisa stood, facing you. She was silent and had a sad look in her eyes but you felt like there was a quiet understanding between the two of you. You took a step toward her, almost instinctively moving to hug her, but stopped, pulling back at the last moment. With a heavy heart, you cleared your throat. “I… I’ll go now.” She nodded, and you managed a shaky breath before turning toward the door, a finality to each step. But before you could take another, Elisa’s arms suddenly wrapped around you from behind, pulling you close, her chin nestled against your shoulder. Her breaths came in soft, shuddering waves, and you could feel her tears dampening your shoulder. You exhaled as you bit your lip, forbidding yourself from crying for the nth time. She held you like that for a while before finally, she said. "Goodbye, fifteen." She dropped her arms to her side. You looked up at the ceiling, preventing the tears in your eyes from sliding down your face. You took one last breath. Then you walked away.
and honest i can tell you now, i love you more than my future spouse — "i'd have to think about it" - leith ross
You brushed your hair as you gazed at yourself in the mirror. Suddenly, two hands wrapped around your waist from behind you, hugging you. “You look incredibly gorgeous, wifey.” You chuckled and rolled your eyes. “I don’t think you can call me that just yet.” You turned around and kissed your fiancé.
“Why not? I already have a ring on that finger.” She said before kissing you several times on the neck and cheek. You chuckled. “Casey!” You yelped in between giggles. “You’re gonna make me late for work.” Casey beamed. “You’re the boss now. You can go as late as you want to.” She said before repeatedly kissing you all over again as you playfully protested and writhed in her embrace. In the past year, Casey’s dad successfully completed an acquisition of a small women's sports media company, and the transition happened in the blink of an eye. Suddenly, you went from being just another content writer to the interim head of the newly formed media division, and then, astonishingly, to External Vice President of Communications. Initially, you struggled with feelings of guilt, questioning whether your rapid ascent was merely a result of nepotism. But as Casey reminded you, you worked harder than anyone else there and you fully deserved recognition. “Remind me again why you have to go to this press conference today.” Casey complained as she plopped down on the bed. You chuckled. “When in Paris…” You joked. “But seriously, I thought that since we will be here anyway, I might as well do the press-con instead of sending someone else to do it for me. Cost-cutting and all that…” She hummed in disappointment. “I hate it when you’re so responsible.” She complained. You re-applied your lipstick and straightened out the blazer you were wearing. You were finally seeing Jackie again after a long time. You two have gotten quite close since… the incident. You remembered dashing out of the hotel room and bumping into Jackie who was emerging from the elevator with drinks in hand. You two had an emotional exchange; quite frankly, you could not remember a single thing you two talked about. You just knew it ended with the Dutch girl hugging you tightly and telling you that it was all going to be okay. After that, Jackie and you had become quite close. You started off as casual Instagram mutuals. She would often respond to your stories, comment on posts, and chat with you. You hung out twice again after. You had drinks with her and her boyfriend when they visited California. Then, a spontaneous, double-date Universals Studio trip together at the end of her trip. Ever since then, you always kept up with each other's lives. You loved Jackie. Mostly because she was a great girl, partly because she never brought up the thing with Elisa without asking her not to, and… partly because you got to indirectly keep tabs on Elisa. You shot Jackie a quick text, letting her know you’d be at the press con today, as you settled into the media seats at the hotel conference room where today’s press-con was being held.
PSG had emerged as champions of the Première League in a historic win. Obviously, this meant there was a lot of attention on the team today. Luckily, your company was able to be granted a press pass to this conference despite not being a France-based company. As the other media people settled in, a staffer announced that the press conference would begin in a minute. You readied your recorder and notepad. Suddenly, cameras started snapping and the crowd started getting louder. You looked up from your seat to see the squad had arrived — Fabrice Abriel, Pauline Dudek, Jackie Groenen…
and Elisa de Almeida. You swallowed the lump that had quickly formed in your throat. You bit your lip as you took a deep breath. It had been over a year since you saw her. She looked the same but different. There was a glowy tan to her skin, her hair had grown out longer, and she had a happy look on her face, beaming with pride due to the win her team secured. You could see the pride sparkling in her eyes, and it made your heart ache in a way that felt both familiar and unsettling.
Elisa hadn’t noticed you yet, and part of you doubted she would. The press conference was buzzing with energy, reporters firing questions at her and the rest of the team. You found yourself mesmerized by how she spoke, her confidence shining through with every word. She seemed to have reached a new peak, a version of herself that was so sure of herself and confident.
As the questions flowed, you felt a small pang in her heart. She seemed like someone so distant from the person you knew. She seemed like a fully realized version of herself.
She was still Elisa but... different.
The moderator finally called for last questions, and before you could think twice, your hand shot up. The moment felt surreal, and you could feel the collective gaze of the room shifting towards you when the moderator pointed you out. As soon as she saw you, you noticed a change in Elisa’s demeanor; her face stiffened as your eyes locked. It was as if time had stopped, the air between you thick with unspoken words and unresolved feelings. You smiled weakly at her. You hesitated for a moment. ��J'ai une question pour de Almeida.” You said. You were afraid your voice was too soft to hear but Elisa nodded at you, signaling you to continue. You chuckled and looked down for a moment, composing yourself. “Elisa,” You started. You looked up at her and made sure your eyes were locked. “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” The question hung in the air, innocent yet charged with meaning. To anyone, it might have seemed like a generic question but it meant more to the two of you.
She paused. You could see her go through a spectrum of emotions within seconds. Her face dropped then she shook her head in amusement then she looked genuinely pensive. Looking down for a moment, as if gathering her thoughts, she eventually lifted her gaze to meet yours again. There was something vulnerable in her expression, something that made your breath hitch. “I see myself still playing football,” she began, responding to your question in English as well with her voice steady but tinged with an undercurrent of emotion. “By then, I’d be in my 30s… I’d be considered a, uh, senior citizen in Football.” There were a few chuckles in the crowd. “I know for sure that, I’ll still be playing for the club of my life – PSG, winning more leagues… and hopefully, I’d still be playing for the national team too. I still want to be fully immersed in Football…” Her voice trailed off. She took a deep breath before continuing. “And for my personal life, I can’t say much…” Your heart almost stopped in anticipation. You didn’t know why you were so nervous but… the nature of the question and the memories of the past just made it difficult for you to remain calm. ”Five years from now, I want to be happy.” She said, eyes fixed on you and you alone as if you were the only people in the room. “I’d like to believe that I will be... regardless of whatever may happen.”
The way she said it… it just felt heavy and loaded with something you just couldn't decipher. You looked down and smiled as you shook your head, deciding it was better for you to take it as it is.
You looked up again. “C’est tout ce que je voulais pour toi.” (That’s all I ever wanted for you.) As you said those words, you felt your heart skip a beat.
The moment lingered, and for a heartbeat, it felt like the world outside the press conference faded away. You were just two people sharing a quiet understanding amid the chaos of the room. She gave you a weak smile and kept your eyes stayed locked together for too long. Later on, the moderator announced the end of the conference and the spell broke, pulling you back into reality. You broke your gaze and hurriedly gathered your stuff, readying to leave. You just felt like this was a better way to actually close this chapter… again, for the nth time. But it felt better than the last time, like you'd gone full circle.
As the conference ended, Elisa rushed towards you. She excused herself through the crowd, brushing off the journalists trying to ask more questions. You didn’t notice her make her way to you as you just rushed to get out of there and back to your fiancé. ”Fifteen,” She exclaimed out, hoping it would catch your attention. With that, you turned around. You saw her, standing a few meters from you. You paused for a pensive second. Shyly, you walked closer to her. You two were pressed awkwardly between the chairs scattered about and the people making their way out of the room. “Hey, Elisa.” You responded. She gave you a smile. “I like your hair.” She said, commenting on your haircut. “I mean… I saw it in Jackie’s Instagram story before but looks better in person.” You awkwardly thanked her and consciously touched your hair. “Oh, thanks.” There was another moment of awkwardness before Elisa began speaking again. ”D-do you wanna talk for a moment?” She said as she gestured towards the private area where her team was settling down. You hesitated but you nodded. A few people greeted her with congratulations and niceties as you made your way to a quiet corner.
Her teammates were packing up to leave. You caught a glimpse of Jackie who just gave you a smile and a wave; she seemed to understand what was happening and did not want to bother this moment. You both slipped away to a quiet corner, seeking refuge from the chatter and excitement that filled the room. The atmosphere felt charged, and the intimacy of this moment took you by surprise. “So… I didn’t expect to see you.” She started again. “Jackie never mentioned that you were…” ”Yeah, yeah,” You interjected with your words tumbling out a bit too quickly. “I’m in the city for a couple of weeks. She nodded, the corners of her mouth lifting into a small smile. “It’s so nice… seeing you again.” She complimented, holding your gaze a bit too intimately. “You look great.” You felt a warmth spread through you at her compliment, but unconsciously, you crossed your arms, as if trying to shield yourself from trying to be too friendly.
“You too… and congratulations, by the way.” You responded. “There’s a number of Lyon and Paris FC fans in the office that were very disappointed whenever PSG won but… I was always secretly rooting for you guys.” A chuckle escaped her lips, but you noticed the way her eyes flickered, as if taking in your reserved body language. She took a deep breath, her expression shifting slightly. “Jackie did mention you’re the head of this new media company,” she said, her voice softer now. “You must be… happy?” You nodded and genuinely smiled. “Yes, I’m really happy.” You responded. “And you?” For a moment, her face grew serious, and she looked down, as if gathering her thoughts and courage. You watched her closely, sensing a vulnerability beneath her confident exterior. Then, she looked up, taking a step closer. “Look, I—” she began, but hesitation crept into her words. Another deep breath, and this time, her eyes fell to the ring on your finger, the light catching the stone. ”Oh,” She said, surprise coloring her tone. She couldn't hide her reaction and her staring. "I guess there are other congratulations to be said.”
An awkward silence settled between you, the air thick with unspoken words. You felt a twinge of pain at the sudden shift, a flash of “what could have happened if it was us instead” darting through your mind. But it quickly faded as you’ve made yourself aware of the present. Here you were, two complete people. Six years ago, you left with broken up hearts after you had damaged each other. One year ago, you picked on each other’s last remaining chip, threatening to return to what you two were. But now, here you were. If your lives seemed so different a year ago… now, it seemed like you were in completely diverging paths. A quiet sadness lingered in the space between you, intertwined with a flicker of something resolute. You exchanged genuine smiles, a silent understanding dawning that this was the real closure you both needed.
Elisa’s smile softened, taking on a warmth that felt both comforting and vulnerable. “You know, I never reciprocated,” she said, her words almost a whisper, catching you off guard.
“Hm?” you replied curiosly.
She looked thoughtful for a moment, her gaze drifting as if she were contemplating. When she looked back at your eyes, you could see so much vulnerability and warmth in her eyes that it made your heart race. “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
You paused, the question hanging in the air. You paused with a racing mind. There was so much to be said about your new dreams, aspirations, goals. You couldn't find the right words.
Then, unexpectedly, a laugh bubbled up from within you — unexpected but genuine. It didn't take long for Elisa to chuckle along with you. The laughter felt freeing, as if it released the tension that had built up.
You didn’t respond, but you felt like you didn’t have to. Your eyes locked together and you gave her a warm smile, feeling a surge of affection. You said, “It was so nice knowing you, Elisa." Her smiled shifted slightly with an unreadable look in her eyes. She responded with a nod and a genuine tone. “And it was nice loving you.”
i love you too much to drift completely wait for me, i'll be back because you hold in my tide i would die a thousand times just to see you in another life — "love letter from the sea to the shore" - delaney bailey
a/n: thank you for reading this fic! please reblog if you liked it! this is my first time writing angst so please be nice 🙏 anyway, this was so enjoyable to write hehe. if any of you want to see me write about anything else, just send me a message or an ask!
#Spotify#woso community#woso fic#woso fanfic#woso x reader#elisa de almeida#elisa de almeida x reader#elisa de almeida fic#woso imagine
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Just how much power did Marcy have over her friends pre-Amphibia? When they throw the kpop puppy party at school, the principal assumes "those two" pushed Anne into it, and Anne kind of admits it. When Anne is about to sacrifice herself, she says "all my life I've followed you two". During her one and only S1 appearance, she's seen maliciously nodding alongside Sasha when Anne steals the box, and with Marcy asking to meet up on Anne's birthday, while Sasha is the one to carry out the order, the implication is that they're almost like... working together. I know she was supposed to be "meaner" when they were working on S1, and I think they changed her personality because Haley Tju made her too adorable(? and maybe also because Matt thought the whole show would fall apart if people didn't like Marcy (considering what a huge impact she has on everything that happens, I'd say he was right). But Anne's line in THT and the flashback in All In implies she wasn't nearly as much as a doormat as it may seem sometimes, at least not as much as Anne.
Or maybe she was? Because you also see her in this place of submission when it comes to Sasha (and also Anne?), especially in BOTB, when she's happy to switch from Anne's song to Sasha's without even hearing the first, only stopping to consider Anne's approval. That scene struck me as her always happy to go along with her friends' wishes and never having much of an opinion of her own. That's why she was so desperate for them to get along during The Dinner, and why she never took a side when Anne told her she and Sasha had a fight. She closest thing to defying Sasha that we ever see her do is when she's working alongside like 10 other people to protect Newtopia from the Toad Army, and she says they had to "defeat Sasha and Grime" specifically, which I think makes sense considering they're attacking the city she's supposed to protect (she's IS a high-ranking member of its military forces AND a close advisor to its king), and not wanting to "defeat Sasha" would rock the boat with everyone else involved, Anne included. Yet we never really see her angry at Sasha for what she's doing, she just wants her and Anne to "work things out". I think it's clear that Marcy struggles with empathy, because if she put herself in Anne's shoes, she wouldn't expect her to "just work things out" with Sasha. In fact, she would have taken Anne's side agessssss ago, but she's way too focused on herself (her goal is for everyone to be happy forever and get along, while Anne and Sasha may want something else). Marcy being self-centered isn't a hot take, and I don't think she's any more self-centered than Anne was during most of S1. In fact, I'd argue Anne was even worse lol. The difference is that Anne made a million relatively small mistakes while Marcy made like two or three very big, very bad mistakes (bringing them to Amphibia, striking a deal with Andrias behind their backs, and not taking a side in Anne and Sasha's fight, which is something I never see people bring up as one of Marcy's most flawed moments).
So... going back to the question I made in the beginning... did Marcy just go along with Sasha's plans so enthusiastically when compared to Anne, who had more doubts and had to be pressured into them, that it made it look like she and Sasha were more in cahoots than they actually were? I think this is very likely. I also think it's likely that she and Sasha genuinely shared a liking for rule breaking back in LA, and her own self-centered-ness prevented her from realizing Anne wasn't comfortable with it. Maybe she never even considered if she liked to go along with Sasha's plans, like, Marcy strikes me as someone who doesn't look inwards much. I think we can rule out both Sasha and Marcy being equally controlling and possesive of Anne, because her relationship with Sasha was very much not one of equals, with Anne as a third wheel. Was she more of a third wheel? We know Anne and Sasha don't share most of her interests and will often ignore her and her needs, and we know she feels like losing them is becoming dangerously easy. We also know Sasha has no qualms taking Anne on some kind of birthday date without Marcy which I'm 75% convinced it's because she had a huge crush on Anne but I digress which, from a doylian perspective, is explained by the fact that they seemingly didn't want to show Marcy too early, but from a watsonian perspective, it just comes across as Sasha not priorizing Anne spending her birthday with both her best friends. Like, you can do with or without Marcy. She doesn't seem to remember Marcy until she texted her, actually.
But then you have lines from Anne about how "if you friend wants to you steal something, you do it, because if you don't, they may not want to be your friend anymore", which, oh boy, if she at least perceived Marcy as pressuring her into stealing the box (rather than it being 100% Sasha's idea) that would shed a whole new light on her relationship with Marcy, because it would seem like she, too, feels like their friendship could fall apart if she didn't go along with the other two's plans. And I do think Marcy at least somewhat participated in pushing Anne into it. It wouldn't be the first time she made Anne do something bad - she told her to lie to Valeriana about stealing the box, something Anne later appeared to be ashamed of, and she insisted of going along with the puppy party when Anne was having doubts. I imagine Sasha (who also pressured Anne into doing very much not so "lawful good" things, in more extreme ways than Marcy) might have come up with the idea of stealing it, and Marcy just supported it. Marcy taking Sasha's side. Possibly over and over again. We know Sasha didn't exactly manipulate her because she didn't have to: Marcy just always did everything she said. Anne was the one who needed a bit more convincing.
Marcy's relationship with Anne and Sasha is fascinating. She's definitely the most morally gray of the trio, and possibly the most complex one too, in the sense that she's full of realistic contradictions - an adorkable manipulator, an amoral softie, a self-centered sweetheart who loves her friends more than life itself, a possesive kidnapper with a heart of gold, a very selfish and self-sacrificial person... and it's never just a mask or anything, she's not just pretending to be nice, she really is that way, she really is all of that together. I think that's why people struggle to read her a lot of the times, because so much about her characterization seems conflicting with itself... but I think that's the key to making characters deep and realistic. In real life, we're all walking contradictions and we don't really make sense. Marcy's character doesn't seem clumsily put together to me, like they frankeinsteined all the different character traits she needed to make the plot work without any cohesion between them. I think she's a complex tapestry that sometimes requires a closer inspection to decypher it, and I think the glue holding everything together is her lack of intrapersonal intelligence, her inability to look inwards and notice her own contradictions.
We know she felt unloved by her friends yet desperately clung to them with everything she had, going to extreme measures to ensure they all stayed together, even when it hurt them. We know she's capable of manipulation, scheming and lying to the people that love her most in order to guarantee that goal. We know she's possesive with them, but she also loves them enough to let them go in the rare cases when she realizes she's hurting them (as seen in A Day in the Aquarium). From her journal, we also know she feels very ashamed of these possesive impulses. We know she'll neglect to form her own opinions and ideas to agree always with her friends' wishes, which means she feels completely lost when they want different things. But this also shows that she would never think of an idea of hers as being explicitly opposed to what her friends want. She wouldn't consciously do something that they wouldn't like. Which is insane, because, who would want to be separated from their family and thrown into a different world without any sort of notice? Which leads us to understand that Marcy has zero emotional intelligence and has never looked inwards in her LIFE, AND that her empathy skills are in negative digits because it would have taken her a nanosecond of thought to realize Anne and Sasha probably wouldn't like to be kidnapped. And since we know she never wants to do something they dislike, she must have just... not thought about it at all. No thoughts head empty. It really was just BLANK up there when she made that decision. I think Marcy is a very "true neutral" character who struggles with empathy and humility, who loves her friends but doesn't have the emotional intelligence to really understand them, and who is happy and enthusiastic to be Sasha 2 Electric Boogaloo because... that's what she knows. That's how her friend group works and her goal was never to have a deeper and more genuine connection to them, but to keep it close to her.
So... my conclussion is that, pre-amphibia, Marcy was Sasha's very enthusiastic (but emotionally neglected) right hand man, with Anne as their oblivious victim. It really IS complex because you have to then add Anne always looking out for her, losing sleep over her, yet also ignoring her needs, and Sasha not even bothering to hide how much she doesn't care about Marcy's feelings (which reflects on Marcy not consciously caring about her own feelings). There's also Marcy always assuming the best from them too, despite repeated evidence of their disinterest, and her fear of displeasing them looming over her constantly. Ik I said Anne was Sasha and Marcy's victim, but I meant that like... symbolically, because Anne is not innocent here either. She wasn't a great friend to Marcy before Amphibia. Here's why I always say Anne couldn't develop a deeper, more genuine and open connection with Marcy because of Sasha's oppressive presence and her own lack of emotional maturity. And Marcy couldn't develop a deeper, more genuine and open connection with Anne because of her own lack of empathy and reluctance to face any kind of conflict. So Marcy is Sasha's enthusiastic but emotionall neglected right hand man, who also feels subordinate to Anne despite Anne feeling subordinate to her. That's why they both feel like third wheels at different times. There's an illusion of Marcy with more agency and power than she actually has. In reality, only Sasha is on top, and the other two are two very flawed individuals, one slowly cracking under the weight and the other, less sensitive to the same pressure, trying to uphold the status quo.
#amphibia#marcy wu#anne boonchuy#sasha waybright#amphibia meta#my posts#character analysis#see this is why i say marcanne is toxic yuri
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Thinking about how Carmy initiates so many things in his relationship with Sydney. I went back to read some of Jeremy’s thoughts about his relationship with Claire and he said some things that I just don’t agree with. I do think he answers questions from Carmy’s perspective and not from a viewer perspective and that provides more insight into the character but not actually insight into what we’re seeing as viewers if that makes sense.
Here I am looking around for what walls Carmy had up with Sydney to begin with. Instead of Sydney coming in and knocking down his walls, Carmy has been trying to knock down hers. Let’s take a look:
Their first conversation at family when he makes sure she eats and asks her what’s going on with her. This is a conversation that is constantly happening between them. Jeremy views Carmy as some who communicates with actions and little words, but with Sydney it’s a little of both.
Their altercation in review fills him with much regret that he can’t even open Mikey’s note without making things square with Sydney first and even in their short conversation he manages to apologize and she manages to make him smile. Oh Carmy is that amusement?👀
Carmy invites Sydney on the food tour. Carmy asks Sydney what she is going to do now that the restaurant is closed as if he wants to do something with her but she leaves before he can gather the courage.
Carmy asks Sydney about her personal life more than once because he’s genuinely curious and wants to know her better. He asks her to be vulnerable with him under the table. He asks her under it to begin with, because does he really need help? No he just wanted to talk to her.
Where are the walls Jeremy?! With Sydney his openness is not something that she really has to breakthrough, it’s the opposite. Is it because of their position as partners in the relationship is something he’s more equipped to handle than a romantic relationship? That could be the case but I also think it’s because he’s genuinely interested in her and feels at ease with her presence. As heteronormative as it is, I think it’s important that he’s the one actively pursuing a deeper relationship with Sydney. It shows that he is capable of coming out of his shell, if it’s for the right person.
I also wanna address that line about Carmy being cared for but it’s pretty obvious who makes Carmy feel cared for especially in s3. The quote is right after s2 came out. I just find his thoughts on the love triangle from Carmy’s perspective really interesting….
#sydcarmy#carmy berzatto#carmy x sydney#the bear fx#the bear meta#funny how we don’t have an updated quotes on his thoughts post s3#not funny haha funny weird#Jeremy I’m on yo ass
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I've seen a few posts btw that seem to oversimplify Burning Spice to "destructive asshole who only wants to kill as much as possible" and Golden Cheese's only potential relationship to him as simply "she's purely disgusted by him and would never want to see him again" so I wanted to drop my 2 cents 🪙🪙
I really do wonder if all Spice's talk of "I'm going to kill you, I'm gonna kill your friends, and I'm gonna Totally Crush And Destroy whatever's left of your fallen kingdom" is... really just for show.
He does get VERY very close to crumbling her... but the whole while, we KNOW that killing her would be unsatisfactory. He doesn't even take the soul jam for himself. He doesn't lay a finger on Smoked Cheese, who ends up being easy prey after she loses consciousness (and would, most certainly count as Destroying One Of Her Treasures).
I think he fully expects that she'll be able to fight back! I don't know if he knows about Awakening (who knows? what if sm briefed him on what happened to flour 🤷) but I think he understands that if there's ANYONE in the world with the same amount of power, it MUST be the one who has the other half of it. He's not actually looking to kill her, and I think if she had passed out again, he would have simply taken her back to the cage. After all, he loves the game as much as he loves winning it.
For Spice, sure, it's entertaining, but it also really just is a moment of feeling... complete? Evenly matched? Finally able to let loose? Like scratching a centuries-old itch? Who knows, but it's just. "Ok, well I can't die, and I'm not sure you can, either. Let's have a "fun" time. And by fun, I mean lethal to everyone but us."
And we KNOW fighting is a great way to portray attractive tension. From the moment he set eyes on GC, BS was, simply put, obsessed. With his insistence that she should enjoy the fight, the fact he doesn't kill her or harm someone dear to her while he can, the fact he compliments her and listens to what she says instead of dismissing it (you can see she strikes a nerve!) you know he sees her as an equal at the very least... and may even be infatuated.
As for Goldie... the fact that this specific encounter is what made her feel ready to talk to WL? Who arguably did worse? Mind you, Lily being DE is doubly hurtful - for one, this extremely close friend of hers essentially turned her back on the world INCLUDING Golden, and also. Wholesale, she's (in)directly responsible for the destruction of the entire Golden Cheese Kingdom. And yet, after simply "Teaching Spice A Lesson" (one with... actually very weak impact in the actual story), she feels ready to talk to someone who was an even bigger threat to her treasures, to what she's fighting for.
I think her choice to leave Spice alive is ... a strange, but not fully ooc decision. She's forgiven someone who took her soul jam, she's likely going to work something out with someone who took her kingdom... so who's to say she hasn't thought ahead here, too? After all, if he gets too bold, tries to hurt her, tries to hurt her friends, she can easily put him in his place, at any time. The risk is genuinely minimal. But that would surely get boring eventually right? She's extended out her hand to anyone who needs it... who's to say she would NEVER extend a hand out to someone with not much better left to do or go back to?
#i literally meant to post this a few days ago and i drafted it and now i'm late to the party . Take it ig i already typed it#burning spice cookie#burning spice crk#golden cheese cookie#golden cheese crk#cookie run kingdom
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rhiannon lewis & detective!reader anyone?
nsfw content, mdni! but also: this contains canon-typical dark content. we all know she's a bit crazy but here's your extra warning. knife play. semi-public sex.
thinking about rhiannon who knows that, sooner or later, someone will come to find out the truth about the murders if she’s not careful. if she’s not thorough about it. rhiannon who seduces you, the lead detective on the murder case, to ensure the investigations won’t go anywhere for a long, long time. rhiannon who acts out of pure self-interest, rather than genuine attraction -at first. she only needs a way to get close enough to the ongoing investigation, to steal potentially dangerous evidence from the police, to mess with the documents, causing leads to go nowhere time and time again. rhiannon who’s all smug and satisfied with your growing frustration. rhiannon who uses it to her benefit. she’ll watch you sit by the dinner table, bending over the documents and trying to figure out how this could’ve happened, clearly pent-up with tension she could help you with. rhiannon who approaches you from behind, one hand on your shoulder that is tense to the touch. “baby” she’ll whisper, pressing kisses against the back of your neck. “you’re all tense. it’s this case again isn’t it? you’re overworking yourself. here, i can help”. rhiannon who finger fucks you from behind and looks down at all the crime scene pictures that are scattered across the table as you bury your face in the side of her neck. rhiannon who makes the best of how needy you seem to get in your frustration, who gets off to your desperation and the fact that you have no idea that it’s her. to you, she’s just your clueless girlfriend, someone you’re trying to protect from these terrible things. the faster this vile person who’s committing all these crimes is behind bars, the better. oh, how endearing it is for her to watch you and the other investigators go after fake trails she has put out for you. how it turns her on to imagine the shock on your face if she were to get out her knife one of these nights. to watch the blade sink into you and see how you’d react, the last thing you ever feel the realization of what she’s been doing all along. the dark fantasy is enough to push her over the edge sometimes, crying out softly as she cums on your fingers. rhiannon who, in a horrible moment of weakness, realizes that she can’t go through with it like she had always planned. rhiannon who plans it, who plots it, and lures you into your office. who’s got everything ready for the kill and has you pinned against the wall with a blade to your throat and still can’t fucking do it. now she’s the one who glares in frustration, as her hand won’t do as she wants it to.
you, who sense the frustration. you, who -against your better judgement- lean in first, unable to stand the palpable tension that lingers between you. you can feel the length of her body press you up against the wall, the cool metal of her knife against your throat, and yet she won’t do it. you are in love with her, after all, there’s nothing you can do about it and it dawns upon you that rhiannon is too. that she hasn't been faking it like she had so proudly announced when she first pinned you to the wall. that you’ve both fucked up big time. you’re the detective who’s supposed to get her arrested, she’s the killer who couldn’t do the one thing she had been planning all along.
rhiannon who still has to let her frustration out somehow. who knows that she’s made sure the security cameras are off for the time being. who knows you seem to want this just as much, judging by the way you’re kissing her. it’s fucked up, she knows that too. but perhaps you both are. perhaps you both fuck each other up in ways that will eventually have consequences for one of you. it doesn't matter, for the time being. instead of focusing on what will happen after, rhiannon kisses you deeply. her hips begin to grind against you deliberately, but not once does she take the knife away, not quite trusting you yet. you only feel the bulge in her pants when she grabs one of your thighs and wraps it around her waist so that she's rubbing it directly against your center, nothing but your pants in the way, creating a delicious kind of friction between your bodies that has your head spinning and your eyes rolling to the back of your head. "off" you finally whimper, realizing that she won't give you what you crave unless you ask for it.
you can feel the way her lips curl up into a satisfied grin against the side of your neck that her lips are pressed up against. she has you exactly where she always wanted. she might not be capable of killing you, but she can at least have her fun with you now.
"do you let all of your suspects do this to you, detective?" rhiannon asks conversationally as she unbuckles her belt. she doesn't even give you time to answer, though you probably wouldn't have been able to string coherent words together anyway. instead, she turns you around so that you're facing the wall and kicks your legs apart harshly. her hand sneaks down your stomach, working with the buttons of your jeans. you grind into her fingers instantly, breathing heavily as they slide up against your wetness. "fuck" rhiannon mutters, skilfully pressing them against your clit and rubbing quick circles.
"do you, hm?" she demands again, this time sinking her teeth into your earlobe from behind so harshly she might as well be drawing blood from the flesh. "n-no" you stammer, your voice coming out as a whimper. "no?" you can hear the way she must be pouting, mocking you. you're mortified that it's not an instant turn-off for you, but quite the opposite. your knees nearly give out when rhiannon shoves your pants down to your ankles before bending you over. "ask me for it" she snarls, grabbing your waist tightly, so there's no way for you to grind your hips against her strap. you can't even see it, but you can feel its tip between your slick folds, just lingering there.
"please" you manage through gritted teeth. you hate that you want her, hate that you'll have her way with you however she likes.
"please what?" rhiannon grins. you try to look at her over her shoulder but a hand shoved into your hair pushes your face back against the wall. "tell me".
"please fuck me" the words have barely left your mouth when rhiannon sinks into you. the stretch is intense but so good, the pace she's set brutal. the sound of her skin slapping against yours can be heard all through the office, only accompanied by your moans as she forces your cheek against the wall. your relief is still intense when rhiannon finally drops her knife. as thrilling as it may be to have her hold it to your throat, this is all the proof you need that she's most definitely no longer planning on killing you.
rhiannon, on the other hand, notices that you let her fuck you either way. that you make no attempts to reach for the weapon either, only cry out in pleasure as she grabs your waist with both hands.
you're both fucked, but you'll deal with that later...
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I Need Your Help - Chapter 2
“They let you carry a gun?” Continuing to write down the info you can remember on your notepad you barely spared a glance at Reid. “Yeah technically I can. But you guys have to just keep an extra eye on me.” You replied nonchalantly not missing his look of confusion as he stared at your gun and then at you.
“Don’t worry I’m not really planning on shooting you guys.”
“That’s very reassuring.” He plainly said as he pulled out a seat right next to you. Rolling your eyes you focused back on the papers in front of you trying to find that missing piece. It feels like you guys are so close to finishing the puzzle but something is holding you back. “Is there something puzzling you?” He saw the picking at your lips and the excessive tapping of your pen.
He looked up and saw his team in another room and looked back at you again. He didn’t realize how obvious he was as you quirked an eyebrow at him knowing why he was next to you.
“You don’t have to hang around me. I’m a big girl I can handle arguments.” You said coldly as you both started to remember what happened a few moments ago.
Another murder had just occurred as everything pointed otherwise that it was female assailant. Everyone let out some audible noise as they walked into the room. It was the worst one yet. Her body has been mangled with no recognition of who it can be. Her hair was shaved in an angrily quick way. It was purposely trying to make her look bad. And with letting the coroner go over his general assessment it made everything you were pushing for go up in flames.
“I’m going to need some more time to confirm it 100%, but generally speaking it does look like she was sexually assaulted.” All heads turned to you as if it’s a big told you so. Weird considering there’s a dead body in front of you guys.
“So much for your ‘special technique’.” Morgan spoke with some spite believing you wasted all their time on this theory. He saw you push and push with his team that it must be a case of jealousy. But he believed it to be the other direction refusing to believe that a woman would do this damage. He knows they’re capable of killing he’s not denying that but this level? It’s unheard of and if it’s done it’s usually towards their target.
“I know I’m not wrong.” You stood firm with your answer as you know deep inside of you, that you’re right. You’ve never been wrong. It’s not about ego. It never will be. “You got your answer right here. It ain’t a woman. Why are you so firm on this!” Scoffing you stare right back at him.
“Why are you so firm on it being a man! I’m telling you it’s a woman atleast have an open mind to this!” You answer louder not understanding why men feel like if they’re louder they’ll win the conversation. You hate that more than anything. And your quick acting annoyance is latching onto Morgan.
“Me having an open mind was me entertaining the idea by helping you look for clues. I’m done doing that, we probably could’ve found him by now and we wouldn’t be standing here!” Everyone was stunned at the underlying message Derek was trying to send. Spencer hating any type of arguments occurring infront of him he tried making Derek back away to let it go. “Yeah we should all just take a breather.” Who you learned as Prentiss chimed in giving you a look of sympathy.
“Excuse me? You think it’s my fault she’s murdered?” You ask genuinely stunned by his words. Shaking your head you waved them off stomping out of the house angrily in disbelief he was pinning that on you. “Forget it.” As some people were speaking to Derek only one ran out the house to you.
“Y/N! Wait up!” Turning around you put your hand out not wanting to entertain anyone’s thoughts. “I’m sorry Spencer but not right now. I just can’t.” He wanted to comfort you immediately as he saw the flash of hurt passed through your face as soon as everyone heard Derek’s words. It was hurt he didn’t know he would ever see on you. But just as quick as he saw the look it went away replaced with anger.
“If…if you need anything let me know.” Not wanting to push you anymore probably guessing you just wanted to be alone. He left those words as a lifeline if you ever needed it. Not saying anything more you got into your car not wanting to linger in those high tensions anymore.
-
“He didn’t mean those words…” Spencer tried defending Morgan’s words considering the whole team is in high tension since they haven’t been making headway. “You don’t need to apologize for him Reid. If that’s how he feels then leave it at that.” Ending the conversation you continued going over the reports trying to see if you missed anything.
It felt wrong to leave it at that. Especially when he didn’t say what he wanted. He couldn’t do that to you. “I’m more so apologizing for not having your back. It must be hard to work with an established team already. Especially one like ours.” He was aware of how close his team is to one another. That’s what makes them the team they are. But he’s also aware to any outsider it can be hard to go against the common idea that they have. But he wants to make sure that you know someone is hearing you out. Someone is helping you be heard and you’re not speaking to the void.
He knows that you are perfectly capable of holding your own. But he knows it must be nice to know someone does have your back. And he wanted to be that for you.
“I actually appreciate that. Maybe it was worth buying you that croissant.” You joked as you started to recognize a name that keeps on popping up in the papers you’re reading splayed out on the desk. “I still do want to pay you back.” Spencer whined not feeling ok letting you pay for his pastry when you were feeling bad.
“You can buy me one when we finish this case.” Getting up you tidied the papers as you put on your jacket catching Spencer’s attention. “Did you find something?”
“Just going to talk to someone who I think might give me a clue on something.” You respond making sure everything is secured on you. “Do you want me to go with you, just as backup?” Giving him a thankful look you shake your head.
“It’s alright you should stay with your team and look into your theory and I look into mine.” You reassured him as you walked towards the elevator him following right behind you.
A common thing that the team is seeing.
“Well just be safe and let us know if we can help in any way.” Thankful for his words you gave him a quick wave as the elevator doors closed infront of you.
Unsure if he really should’ve left you to go alone, he trusted that you knew what you were doing. But he can’t help but worry. He doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. That’s what he’s trying to convince himself with at-least.
Walking back to the room where his team was gathered up in he overheard just slight mumbling of what they could’ve possibly missed. “Sooo you and Y/N?” He couldn’t hide his embarrassment at the obvious accusation from JJ. “N-no it’s nothing. I’m just curious about her mind thing.” Casting him a dubious look she faked understanding as she nodded her head. “No yeah totally. ‘Her mind thing’.” She chuckled as she walked over to Emily probably sharing her thoughts.
But he swears to himself it is just a curious thing. Wanting to know how you are associated with Gideon and why he continued to work with you. That’s all it is.
Even though he wouldn’t mind if you guys did become friends down the road.
-
Pulling up to the front of her steps you quickly noticed the front door ajar. Unholstering your gun with your other hand you dialed a number into your phone. “I need backup at Lorrie Rain’s-!” Hearing a crash in the house with a yell of anger echoing out you quickly entered with your gun raised. Your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest.
You know you should wait but what if someone is dying and you stood out there like an idiot. You couldn’t forgive yourself. You just wouldn’t.
Checking each room swiftly and quietly you started to approach the room with now slight rustling inside. Trying to calm your shaking hand you quietly pushed the door seeing a figure on the bed. Eyes darting between the beaten woman in the bed and another right above her with a glass shard in her hand. You couldn’t see her face but you knew you caught her. She was your killer.
“Put your hands up!” The killer spun around keeping the glass shard to the girls throat. Her eyes trained on you as you see her panicking not expecting anyone to be here. “G-get out! I swear I’ll slit her throat!” She yelled out panicked. Looking between you and a window.
“Don’t do this Stacy.”
“How do you know my name?!”
“I need you to put the weapon down, do it and we can talk all about you. Isn’t that what you want?” You see her hand falter as the idea of anything being solely about her was her drive.
“Really?”
“Yes I promise you that’s all I want to do. But we can’t do that in this position.”
She wanted to be seen, she wanted to be acknowledged, and you knew it.
You were her at every crime scene. You knew her.
Too well in fact.
So when her clouded eyes became clear as she realized truly the dire situation she was in. You knew what you had to do just as quickly as you saw her drag the glass across the girls throat. Your heart overpowered all noise as you let out the shots needed to take her down. You saw her stumble and fall into the corner of the room. Shocked that death is right outside her door.
With panicked hands you pressed your hand on the victims neck against the wound. Your hand bloodying up almost immediately as it started to slip. You stared at Stacy’s eyes who were wide staring back. “Y…you are something else.” She mumbled out as she grinned.
Confused by her words you felt conflicted as you look at the girls blank face below you. She was following right after Stacy’s steps. “C’mon Lorrie stay with me please!”
Her face was disfigured no longer looking like the girl you saw on the report. But she is alive she can recover. The thought not really aiding you as she gurgled on her blood. “It’s ok I’m with you.” Your tone was still pleading as she looked like she was slipping away from you.
You couldn’t help her. The helpless feeling that plagues you day to day continues. “No no no!” You can’t prove him right. You can’t be the reason she dies. “Y/N!”
You felt movement around you but your eyes were trained on her. The panic you can barely make out on her face is leaving. You felt it.
You felt her die.
You were pulled back stumbling away from the bed as you saw the medics get to her. You saw their mouth move and start to work on her body. But she was gone you felt it.
You let her die.
Looking down at your shaking hands you saw another pair of hands envelope yours making you look up. The pair of brown eyes you’ve grown curious of. The man who’s always lingering around you, spitting some random fact. Wanting to know more about you everyday.
“Y/N?” He could try ignoring that his hand was covered in blood but it was difficult. But he saw your expression and he wanted to take it away. The fear, the pain, and everything you’re feeling was etched onto your face. But you weren’t there with him, he’s seen it before you’re in your head. Your billions of thoughts that are whirring through your head was keeping you away from him. Away from the world.
He needed you to know that he was here to help you. To help pull you back.
“Y/N? Here let’s go out here.” You were still willing to move which was a good sign. He helped guide you slowly out the house catching the looks on his teammates faces. Just giving them a curt shake of the head prevented them from coming up and asking you any questions.
You wouldn’t stop shaking even when he had let you sit on the open passengers side. He tried looking for anything to wipe yourself with finding a random rag in the glove box. He knows it won’t be much but he passed it to you hoping you can try wiping off the feeling.
You were slowly coming back as you immediately tried wiping it off. You both knew you wouldn’t do that great of a job. But it was something. And you needed something.
It was quiet between you two as you heard the sirens surround the area. “I couldn’t hear those before.” You mumbled out trying to get the blood off from between your fingers.
“When you’re in a high-tension situation a lot of senses tend to go away while others heighten.” He explained seeing that it obviously happened to you. Nodding along with his words you continue working on your hands soon enough the bloodied cloth couldn’t hold anymore.
“I’ve never shot someone.” You confessed as you finally looked at him in the eyes. You can see the flash of shock which he quickly hid. “I don’t know why people think I have. But she’s my first one… I don’t know how to feel.”
“It’s confusing for everyone. I remember when I shot someone I didn’t feel anything at that moment. And then those feeling changed.” He tried explaining not feeling like the best person for this. His own feelings are so confusing with his mind. He can only imagine yours.
“I feel guilty.” You finally say as tears fell slowly from your eyes. “I-I don’t know how to explain it. I just wish I didn’t shoot her.” You explain not liking the feeling that’s growing in your chest as her eyes appeared whenever you closed yours.
“And that’s ok Y/N. You’ll understand what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it with enough time.” His words having little comfort you gripped on the rag tighter, not knowing if you can let tonight go.
“Can I drive you back to the station? You can clean up and it gives you time until you report what happened to Hotch.” Looking up you see his team side by side one another talking seeming confused by it all.
“Do you really think I can go do that real quick?” He seemed on the fence as he glanced between the two. Not wanting to break some type of protocol. But with one more glance at your shaking hands and teary eyes it didn’t matter any more.
“It’s fine. I’ll take care of it.” Motioning you to put your legs in he carefully closed the door sparing just one last glance at his team. Solidifying that maybe his heart does want something more and it’s not simple curiosity anymore.
TAGLIST
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@britbratface
#writing#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x fanfiction#spencer reid x y/n#criminal minds
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Have the eluciens ever considered that perhaps the reason Elain acts so uncomfortable and avoids Lucien and apathetic around him and says "I don't want a mate" is not because she secretly feels eternal love for him and wants to fuck him 24/7" ..... and maybe because ....
SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT HIM???
like my god. It is not that hard to understand that maybe - just maybe - elains actions and words match and this time - this woman just honestly doesn't want that man? I know it's hard to believe because yall have such hardons for Lucien (??) but .... maybe she doesn't want him and she means that!???
There's only one reason Eluciens want an Elain POV - and it's not because they love Elain and want to know her struggles and fears and hopes and dreams. They want Elain's POV bc they are still holding onto some desperate hope that her POV might say that she is avoiding Lucien and shrinking around him because ..... she's in love with him?? She's making out with Azriel and getting aroused for him because .... she wants Lucien, I guess???
If she wanted Lucien - genuinely what reason does she have to hide it?? Nobody is standing in their way and Feyre was initially trying to push them together as early as ACOWAR.
She is not Feyre. She is not Nesta. And it's important to remember that before people go around trying to compare these very different scenarios.
Everyone could tell Feyre & Nesta had chemistry and wanted Rhysand & Cassian, regardless of their brief avoidance and dancing around of each other and flirtations with others. They had major scenes of buildup even before their actual "couple" book.
Here - you have the opposite. Multiple characters are noticing Elain just doesn't want Lucien. They are noticing he's just as uncomfortable around her. Elain is developing a deep level of understanding for Azriel, not her mate.
I genuinely can't believe that people are trying to use the logic that "oh Feyre and Nesta also avoided their mates" as a reason for Elucien to still be happening. As if every character and their mother hasn't pointed out just how different these situations are.
Like.... ok... keep holding out hope for your Hail Mary of Elain maybe secretly wanting Lucien and doing everything in her power to NOT show that (for what reason idk - nobody stands in their way of getting together).
But some part of you HAS to accept that maybe Elain is showing her true feelings on the subject.... and maybe someone should finally believe her.
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𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗. 8
Play: moments in love~ Art of Noise
Narrative
The boys all sat in the living room at Denki's house. Izuku, Denki, and Sero was watching a movie. While Katsuki, Kirishima, and Shoto were playing cards. Mina was in the back laying down for a moment.
"Take 4 Icy hot! What the fuck are you doing?!" Katsuki yells, impatiently bouncing his leg. Shoto gave him his usual stoic expression and sighed taking the cards. Kirishima laughed and shook his head, "bakubro, you need to calm down. It's just a game. Remember we said we'll work on your anger?" Katsuki just grunted scowling down at the table.
Izuku playfully scoffed and looked over to the table, "that will never happen. Wasting your time." He said, and started laughing. Katsuki snapped his head at Izuku, glaring at him. "NOBODY ASKED YOU SHIT, DEKU!" Izuku stuck out his hand and smirked, "point made." He said, making Katsuki growl lowly.
"Ok, can y'all both shut up. I'm trying to watch this." Denki said, not taking his eyes off the tv. Kirishima and Shoto shook their head knowing Katsuki was going to say something. "Oh, so you want to get your ass beat again, sparkplug?" He said, making Denki huff and cross his arms on the couch. "Fuck you, Bakugo." He said, making Katsuki laugh.
"So, I invited some people over." Sero said, looking down at his phone. But, he could feel them staring at him.
"Who the fuck told you to invite random people over to my house?" Denki asked, knowing that's what everyone else was thinking too.
Sero smiled and looked at Denki, "it's people we already know. Those girls." He said, making everyone look at him confused. "Which one? Who did you text?" Kirishima asked. Sero smirked putting his arms behind his head, "that short fine chica. Nadia." He said, making Izuku glare lowly at him. Sero noticed and smacked his teeth, "the hell you mad about? You're the one fucking avoiding her because you're scared of being in relationship with her. I mean really Deku, she doesn't seem bad. Not like that other puta" Sero said, making everyone hum and nod.
Izuku waved him off knowing he was right. Izuku didn't like relationships. Not anymore. The last one he was in really fucked him up. It turned him cold in a kind of way, he wanted nothing to do with women. He just wanted to stay to himself. But, with Nadia back it was giving him feelings he didn't want. Last time he saw her he wanted nothing more but to kiss her and get close to her, but last time that happened he ended up getting done in the worse way. So, he genuinely didn't know what to do, but to keep distance.
"But, her sister." Sero whistled, "Mami is fine as fuck." He said, making Katsuki quickly looked at him with a glare on his face. "She's already taken, scotch tape!" He yelled, making Sero raise his hands up in surrender.
"What about the one with the big ole ass? Gimme that one." Denki said, rubbing his hands together. Izuku rolled his eyes and tapped Denki telling him to shut up and nudged his head to the table, Shoto looking at him with an icy glare, letting him know that Deja was spoken for as well.
Denki smacked his teeth and pouted. "Y'all, always taking the good ones." He said, folding his arms looking back at the tv.
Mina comes from the back into the kitchen and walked to the table sitting down on Kirishima's lap, "maybe you'll get a girl when you stop acting like a player wannabe." Mina said, to Denki laughing.
Denki scoffed and looked at everyone. "Yall, gon stop talking shit about me." Katsuki smirked at Denki and leaned back into the chair, "we'll stop talking shit when you stop looking like one of the aliens off Men And Black." He said, making everyone laugh. "Get in the gym fucker." Katsuki said, making Denki flick him off.
There was a knock on the door making Sero smile and get up. "They here." He said.
This could either be a mess or a good time....who knows?
#black reader#black writers#black tumblr#self post#tumblelog#poc reader#poc writer#black girls#black representation#black excellence#mha#mha x black reader#my hero academia#izuku midoriya#izuku midoriya x black reader#katsuki bakugo#katsuki bakugo x black reader#shoto todoroki#shoto todoroki x black reader#denki kaminari#denki kaminari x black reader#sero hanta#kirishima eijirou#mina ashido#paisholotus#book update
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Previous post (mini recap)
"Can we talk?"
"That depends if you'll yell at me and take off again."
"Depending on what you say, I just might."
[PART 1 OF 2]
"... Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't know how to, without... that... happening. It was sheer coincidence that led Ingram’s descendants to keep coming here. I didn't think you'd believe me," Ray responded telepathically.
"I still don't."
"I have nothing to gain by lying to you."
She hates that part of him, how he manages to sound so disingenuous while still telling the truth. There's always something underneath the surface, but he never goes there unless she pokes and prods. She could have ended that explanation right then and there, but she continues.
"But not telling me that the Dewott that I've seen every other night was a Matsumoto this entire time? Keeping that to yourself is okay?"
One of the many problems of an infinite lifespan means that there's no longer agency to anything. There's no immediate need to address any personal matters when they theoretically have all the time left in the world.
He figured that he could have talked to her further down the line, when they both settled down and processed all of their feelings... Or so he thought.
Touchy subject or not, it was starting to sink in that he should've talked about this sooner. Granted, he never would have guessed that the circumstances would have led them to where they were now. Neither of them imagined that today would’ve gone like this.
"Of course not...
... But can you blame me when you reacted like you did?"
"Alright, asshole, I came to apologize but if you’re going to-"
"You scared me."
"Rio, when you were released, when you found me again, you sat on that seat and you said…”
“... Nothing.”
The two of them sit still, time grinding to a halt while Ray’s eyes roamed the space underneath his hands–as if the grain in the wooden countertop was magically providing him instructions on how to organize his words.
Gods, he wished.
"You were so quiet, it was unsettling. You’ve never been one to shy away from talking about how you feel, so I know that something went terribly wrong. A Matsumoto stopping by every now and then seemed so inconsequential at the time. But… the more I thought about telling you, the more I second guessed myself.
So I left it unspoken. I had a feeling you would be angry with me and I was right... But I never thought you'd be furious.
We carried on quietly for the past six months because I wanted you to take the first step. I figured that you’d be ready whenever you felt like you it, but I should have told you about this without having to make you dredge up the past by yourself."
I'm sorry."
"This is supposed to be my apology about yelling at you, you prick." Rio telepathically mutters, not expecting this level of genuine introspection from him. "How am I supposed to follow that?"
She watches as Ray visibly laughs off the tension in his shoulders. She lets out a short huff in response, turning back to the counter.
"I thought I was fine. I thought I was better than this–above it all. We went through something like this before, back when we first started. I thought we’d shrug it off like we did last time, but then I snapped like a toothpick today."
Ray watches as her face scrunches up in a cocktail of negative emotions. She seems like she's physically struggling to get anything out, which is an effort that didn't go unnoticed by Ray.
"I think running a ramen stand as a rockruff is exactly how I am now: absolutely useless. I'm not allowed to be useful. I'm not allowed to do my job as a Shepherd.
And that's a good thing, because now I can't stop thinking about all my mistakes--all the people I failed to protect. There's no use in a guardian angel that loses faith in herself."
She turns, facing the street, thankful that it was relatively empty at this time of hour.
“So... I sat here, on this very stool, watching every day as everybody moved on with their lives without a care in the world. Ordinary people who seem to be doing fine without me.”
Rio shakes her head at the term "ordinary people,” laughing bitterly as she turns back around.
“I know I’m being stupid. A carefree life for everyone is what we work so hard for, yet I feel so… so pissed off at them for being none-the-wiser.
Imagine that: being mad that peace is the new ‘ordinary.’ Angry that these people don't know what it's like to live with the constant threat of death, even though none of them deserve it. It makes me feel like a shitty shepherd.
I thought it'd be easier if I slept through those moments, but every other time I fall asleep, I have a nightmare. When I try to think of anything else, all I can think about is how this all started. I thought about all the things we did to get to this point. I couldn't, and still can't, stop thinking about everything I did wrong back then and now.”
Ray heaves a heavy sigh, partly because he feels relieved that she's opening up to him, but another partly because he knows exactly what she's talking about.
“Yeah.”
She didn’t need him to say anything else. She knows that he knows. She'll tell him the full extent of what she went through and what she's going through, but that's for another day. That isn't the purpose of this specific conversation, after all.
She paws the empty glass around on the table sheepishly for a long moment. Finally, she gathers herself and turns to him.
“I’m sorry I made you cry.”
“I know.”
“Thanks for putting up with me.”
“You’ve been there for me. I wouldn't have it any other way.”
[Next]
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What are your thoughts on how to support Melissa going forward?
The Book of Carol has been an absolute disaster for Carol and Melissa fans, and season 3 filming is already underway. Melissa wants to play Carol and she wants to work with Norman, so I want to support her. But I actively don't want to support everything else about what this show is doing to her.
It feels like most fans who are left vocalising their views are the ones who still feel positive about the spin-off. I really want to know more about the thoughts of those of us who are more critical of it, because I just don't know what the best thing is to do here.
Mental health wise, it's probably easier to withdraw from the future of TWDU entirely - to not watch season 3 and to not be invested in it anymore. But again, Melissa is still there, and she needs allies, and she needs people who genuinely respect her to see her for her work. It makes me so sad to think how hard she works and nobody is watching - all because her colleagues have pushed us away.
I just want to hear from more people who care about Melissa about how we're responding, and how we can support her.
Hello, dear Anon. I'm sorry this is affecting your mental health. You're right that Melissa deserves our support. I answered this question in the latest podcast episode.
The condensed version of what I said is that your voice matters. It's easy to feel discouraged sometimes, especially when you're speaking up about something important to you. But if you have the capacity to speak up, now is the time.
The teaser + David Zabel's latest comments continue to show us that he has no intention of giving Daryl and Carol a compelling story. Worse, his writing for Daryl and (especially) Carol is downright disrespectful to the characters.
When you're sharing feedback online, remember to be very specific about what changes need to happen for you to stick around. Center your posts around Melissa and Carol. Talk about why her character is important to you. Here are some pointers to keep in mind.
Please remember to take care of yourself too.
For us, it's important that the leadership changes. It's also important that Melissa McBride gets equal billing, an inclusive title, and a showrunner who respects her character and doesn't write her to be a piece in the male protagonist's story or, worse, doesn't make her pick up the pieces of the male protagonist's story.
Carol Peletier broke stereotypes and gender norms. She was the central focus of some of the highest-rated episodes of TWD. She can draw in audiences from different demographics. She's consistently proven to be one of the most resourceful female characters of the flagship show and beyond. And all of this is because Melissa McBride is an intuitive actress with a rare talent and ability to effortlessly tap into the depths of Carol's psyche. She's also a PR person's dream because she's an eloquent and charming speaker. She has a spotless reputation and the ability to garner audience loyalty that builds the audience base for the creative projects she is a part of.
She deserves respect on her own fucking show.
A showrunner who elevates her and writes compelling stories for Daryl and Carol is the only way to ensure the show's ROI and audience retention. We have no interest in investing in S3 otherwise.
— Shalaka
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