#I genuinely am debating not using this site anymore in response to all of this

[bottomvalerius]

The cognitive dissonance this site had when Tumblr officially dropped a merch store and made BS badges and plenty of trans women AND OR black women came on here practically begging people not to give the founders of this site money, citing years of repeated, unwarranted bannings & censorship, and the collective response was “don’t tell depressed people how to spend their money—this fake badge gives us joy” as if this isn’t the EXACT line Harry Potter fanatics describe with that IP like. I will judge you!! I will judge you for spending $$$$ on a site that actively antagonizes trans women and silenced black voices!! Something else will bring you joy that you can buy. Stop picking and choosing when and how you show up for women on this fucking website

[thatdebaterguy]

Usually I would go anon but I am at the point where I don't care what people think anymore. I would rather be honest and have these people off my blog than keep doing it in secret.

Anyways, I was scrolling through a post (because I hate myself). Tumblr wouldn't let me put the link for some reason:

This isn't the whole post, but 2/3 of it. It's about how Israel was "tricking" children into picking up bombs that looked like food cans. Someone corrected this in the comment section.

And in response to the correction (there was more than one person correcting):

This is a massive issue I've seen with that side of the conflict. They don't care if the information they spread is true as long as it fits the narrative of "Palestine = weak, helpless, 100% good and pure victim. Israel: evil, colonists, eats Palestine babies for breakfast." And it's almost scary the lack of critical thinking to make sure everything fits into this mindset.

I once corrected someone's mistranslation on Pinterest of all places, where someone said a Hebrew translation was ""May this (bomb) lands on innocent people". It was just the company name. I was attacked and told I was a "genocidal zionist" and there was my favorite, "well it doesn't matter if it's true or not, it's what they mean".

So basically, "yeah it doesn't matter if it's fake information, it fits with MY beliefs, so it's okay."

I hate the Pro-Palestinian cult.

It is genuinely depressing to see blatant misinformation spread, for example I've been given the link to a site that takes supposed quotes from Israeli officials completely out of context, half the time a complete lie, and told it's some kind of proof Israel is the epitome of moral sin, despite being the most equal state in the middle east. I saw this post and saw another one debunking how the imagine has been altered in a misleading way, just as I saw a post of a server room that's linked to a Hamas database under an UNRWA facility, and someone said it powered a solar panel. Keep in mind they didn't lie for the Palestinian civilians, that was to straight up cover for Hamas.

The screenshot of someone calling Hamas 'freedom fighters' is actually scary.

this is the first thing you see when you search for the ideology of Hamas. Yk the worst part? This would be called zionist propaganda just because it says Hamas have committed terrorism, and October 7th happened. These are literal facts though, Hamas are proud of October 7th, proud of killing thousands, kidnapping hundreds, committing acts of terrorism. If you have any sense of morality, you cannot defend Hamas, even if you see them as on the right side or as freedom fighters, their methods alone make them a monstrous organisation. They wear plain civilian clothes in war, a war crime, they have been verified to use civilian buildings for cover, a war crime, they've killed thousands of innocents purposefully, a war crime, they've openly called for the annexation and occupation of Israel, a sovereign country with millions of ethnic Jews who would be 3rd class citizens in a Hamas ruled Palestine.

Israel doesn't want Gaza. They don't want to destroy it, to own it, they wish they never had to hear about it again, let alone invade it to remove Hamas from power. And the fact that people are scared to voice their beliefs against a literal terror group, against misinformation, is insane. You know, the only reason I'm on Israel's side is because when it comes to debates I follow the science, the figures, the statistics, a fixed code of morality and logic, and that leads to me to Israel because they've never instigated a conflict in their entire history, they've voluntarily surrendered land in pursuit of peace, aided the countries that have invaded them, they're by the definition not committing genocide, they're legally and factually in a war of self defence to topple an extremist dictatorial government, the figures show as far as modern urban warfare goes, the civilian-military death ratio is lower than most conflicts, they factually have a historical claim to the land, they built Tel Aviv, built Jerusalem, 400,000 Jews lived the region of Israel before its existence as a modern state, it just all points to Israel.

But I support the people of Palestine, I empathise with them, I want them to be free of the dictators who lead them to this war and suffering they must endure, and I pray they'll get the liberation they deserve. They deserve better than the nightmare of a government that rule over Gaza. And yet none of the Palestinian supporters protest Hamas. They don't realise, protesting against Hamas doesn't weaken the right for civilians to receive aid, because they're forced into this mindset that the Palestinian government and movement has always been one of perfect ineffable morality and one that you must be insanely villainous to even have any contradicting thoughts on. I'm a more conservative guy who's best friend of 4 years recently told me that they're genderfluid, in a polyamorous relationship with a trans man, and have a 'fursona' but since I know they're a person with good intentions in life I support them in finding happiness and getting better. I'd say that makes me fairly open minded, without tooting my own horn too much. But I will never be open to the idea that Hamas have ever wanted what's best for Palestine. Their actions are selfish, their goals are psychopathic, their behaviour is unwarranted, and their care for being a successful governing body is minimal. Gaza, whether prospering before October 7th or not, was legally an independent, sovereign region of the nation of Palestine, who have their own government, constitution, voting system, currencies they operate with, culture, freedom of movement, unless it's to Israel of course, and have been so since Israel pulled out of Gaza.

Israel actually occupied Gaza once. It was better maintained, the people were more looked after. In the years before Israel pulled out of Gaza, the Palestinian economy grew by the largest margin in at least 20 years, and then under Hamas, became incredibly stagnant, with foreign aid being the only thing propping it up. They let unemployment skyrocket despite the opening of more high tech facilities, once again thanks to foreign aid. Now, Israel doesn't want Gaza back, nor should they have it, but when the people of the nationality that Hamas wish to destroy, governed their land even better despite not even being the sovereign owners of that land and just the occupiers, it says a lot. Don't be afraid to speak out against Hamas, since you have no love for the Palestinian people if you don't want them to be free from the suffering Hamas has brought.

[earth-scented]

I am of the opinion that Cody and Satori are extremely sus and I would like more debunking before I will believe they are real. If they are not frauds they should be willing to do more experiments, so I guess we will see. I think the next move is on them tbh, they are being called out, now we wait and see what they do and how they respond, the way they do both these things will give us an answer I think.

However I do not believe Sam and Colby are in on it at all, their reactions are too genuine for me to believe that so if Cody and Satori are scam artists/fakers then in my eyes SnC got played just as much as their audience.

Also in relation to your comments about 'deleted messages' the disappearing comments that you speak of have been explained as certain algorithms that come with certain sites, especially youtube any posts with links in for example, the youtube algorithm will automatically delete as ironically youtube has measures to protect against bots posting scams and things like that, often posts with links or certain words the site automatically erases.

Plus we know SnC don't really read the comments on youtube videos anymore (especially Colby) as they have stated as such in interviews they've gotten to the point where they just can't do it anymore which is actually really sad. So any deletions on that platform not related to the algorithm have probably been done by a member of their team whose job is likely to manage their youtube socials and keep it positive so will erase anything too negative.

The one place I've seen them interacting with comments about the series regularly has been on Instagram, everywhere else they appear online for a very limited amount of time and maybe reply to one thing each. I've not seen disappearing comments on these other platforms myself but feel free to tell me I'm wrong.

I will say I suspect they probably ignore a lot of the comments calling Cody and Satori out because a lot of them go about it in a very negative and unfriendly way which a person can only take so much of. So maybe we'd get more of a response from them on this topic if we were not so aggressive on the topic, and approached it more as a friendly debate I dunno.

But yeah, my two cents after seeing your last anon reply which seemed to imply you thought SnC were in on it all.

If they weren't in on it then, they certainly are now.

Like i said, they're choosing to push the whole "this is a life-changing thing" narrative, knowing very well it's a fraud. First episode was released in theaters, they got huge sponsorship moneys plus the entire series gives off "the new & improved conjuring house management" advert. Anyone with two brain cells can see this is a business deal involving a lot of money and legal documentation and nobody's gonna give statements, address anything or explain themselves unless it's prearranged and benefits both sides.

Satori's dad is well known for faking evidence on Ghost Hunters, she was literally raised into industry. Cody has been clicking his whatever for years on camera, before they met. Them claiming they don't take money for it is simply a lie because they run a website, a traveling museum, sell merch and get paid as the CH employees so what the fuck do everyone think that is, if not taking money and making profits? Which is fine! Just don't lie about it.

Comments are censored either by youtube settings or their production team. They're not some kids running around with a camera anymore, they have people paid to do stuff. It's their business and livelihood. I don't understand why are people so blatantly oblivious to that.

When money, fame and relevance are involved, integrity often goes out the window.

[pigeontheoneandonly]

The Phylactery

Part 2 of my Dragon Age / Mass Effect crossover.  Part 1 here. (Part 3 here.)

Nathaly, Kaidan, and Garrus arrived in Crestwood only a half-day behind schedule. Kaidan barely slept those nights on the road, a death grip on the staff concealed beneath his cloak and convinced that the templars would arrive at any moment.  Once they left the highway, that fear eased, if only slightly, replaced by howls in the night and the sparks of campfires in the wilds.  The area surrounding Crestwood was formed of craggy hills, plenty of areas for bandits and worse to hide.  

They gave them a wide berth where they could.  Once, a group of four approached them, ill intentions obvious, but Nathaly put her hand to her sword and spoke quietly, words he couldn’t catch.  They backed off.  Then she took a step towards them, half-drawing her weapon, and they turned and ran.  Garrus laughed and said something about her reputation preceding her. ��Kaidan didn’t know what to make of that, and wasn’t convinced he liked it.

Now he sat in the mouth of a cave, looking out over the stark and barren land as the sun fell below the mountains beyond.  Drinking it up with his eyes and trying not to feel swallowed whole.  For thirteen years, the curved walls of Kinloch Hold formed his horizon, close enough to touch, barring the occasional glance at the same tired views out the windows, or the even rarer trip beyond Lake Calenhad.  The last of those more than three years ago, a trip to Highever to fix… something. Couldn’t remember what.  Though far from the Circle’s favorite mage, his power and grasp of magic was undeniable, and they were happy to use him for heavy-lifting.  It rankled, having his only utility in life dictated by the same people who took him from his family and his home.

But without them, he had no idea whatsoever of his purpose now.  It wasn’t like he could use any of those skills anymore. Not without risking exposure.  He worried, increasingly, about becoming a burden on the small group that now comprised his only friends.

Garrus had headed into town.  Their other two friends, the ones supposed to retrieve his phylactery, were days late now, and he hoped to hear something.  Maybe meet someone who’d seen them traveling.  Kaidan wouldn’t know it, looking at Nathaly now, scrunched into a ball with her cloak as a pillow, fast asleep without a worry in the world.  He tried to remember if she slept like that as a child.  Their families were close; hers helped with the harvest at his parents’ orchard, his made themselves available for shearing season, and the kids got roped into customary tasks like watching the herds.  They spent days and nights out in the meadows.  She had a great big sheepdog she never liked much, but who loved Kaidan.

Even then, she never talked about growing up to be a shepherd.  The oldest child of a not particularly large family, it was expected, but she wasn’t the type to care.  She talked his ear off about all the places she wanted to visit, the life she wanted to lead, devouring every scrap of every story that ever crossed their tiny village square.  And it seemed she found a way.

The sight of two figures picking their way up the hillside woke him from his musing. His heart clenched as he reached for a staff that wasn’t there, left deeper in the cave where it was less conspicuous.  The smaller person walked shrouded head to toe in a cloak, but the other glinted with bright steel armor, a templar emblem proud upon the chest.

“Nathaly,” he hissed, afraid to raise his voice above a whisper.  He scurried back into the cave and found his staff. Considered casting an illusion over the entrance, but decided it would draw too much attention, the sudden change in scenery.  Instead, he shook her shoulder.  “Wake up.”

She peered at him, groggy.  “Whaisit.”

“There’s a templar.  Coming up the hill.”  Trying to project a calm he didn’t feel.  

“Shit.” She found her longsword and stumbled towards daylight.

He came up behind her.  She stood tall, shielding her eyes from the sun.  Then she relaxed.  “Hey!”

She waved. Kaidan’s stomach contracted in horror. He hauled at her arm.  “What are you doing?”

“It’s ok. I know them.”  Smiling even as she tried to reassure him.  

“That’s a templar!”

“She’s not, actually.  Well, not anymore.  Long story.” Her smile widened.  “If she likes you and you ask very nicely, she might even tell it.”

His trepidation didn’t ease as they approached the cave.  Two women, the one under the cloak an elf.  A Dalish elf, he noted with surprise, as she lowered her hood and revealed the tattoos tangling across her face, vivid on her dark skin. Her black hair was braided down her scalp in thick ridges, but her eyes were startling blue, wideset and huge in her face.  She embraced Nathaly.  “It’s good to see you.  We were delayed at the tower.”

Nathaly drew back, all concern.  “Delayed?”

“Don’t be so inscrutable, Liara,” said the ex-templar, who was already stripping off her armor, with just the barest trace of an Orlesian accent.  “Ugh, I hate this stuff.  Weighs a ton and bakes like an oven.”

Broad-shouldered and tan, she had long brown hair coiled in a knot, and brown eyes that sparkled with good humor despite her groaning.  Nathaly gestured towards her.  “Kaidan, this is Ash.  Ash, Kaidan.”

She sized him up.  “So this is him.  He’s cuter than I imagined.”

Heat crept into his face.  He glanced at Nathaly, who looked just as embarrassed.  “Why do people keep talking like they know all about me?”

Ash burst out laughing.  “Really? She never shuts her mouth about you. This mage kid from back home she swore on her grandmother’s grave to pry from the Chantry’s wicked grasp.”

His cheeks burned.  Even Liara hid a chuckle.  “I don’t know what to say.”

Ash folded her arms.  “Thank you might be appropriate.”  

He hadn’t processed enough of this to be grateful yet.  Nathaly put a bite in her voice, tiring of the teasing.  “Leave him alone.  He’s had a rough week.”

Instead, he cleared his throat.  “So, how did you…?”

“Oh, right.” Ash reached into a pouch and withdrew a small vial of magicked blood.  His blood, to be precise.  “You probably want this.”

He took it carefully.  Not because he was afraid of dropping it— in fact, he intended to destroy it at the earliest opportunity— but because he couldn’t believe he was actually holding it in his hands.  Liara read the shock on his face, and explained.  “I began as an apprentice in the Circle at Dairsmuid.  My clan’s Keeper died before she could pass on her knowledge, and the mages in Rivain have an excellent relationship with my people. For convenience, I split my education between my clan and the enchanters there.”

“Wait,” Kaidan said, completely lost.  “They just… let you come and go as you pleased?”  

She twisted her fingers together.  “The Rivaini Circle appears unlike any other.  I did not know this.  Otherwise, things may have turned out differently.”

Ash took up the thread.  “As a senior enchanter, the White Spire requested her consultation on a matter of magical theory.  And she didn’t know enough to say no.”

“I immediately found myself in trouble, when I thought I might see the sites in Val Royeaux, and attempted to leave.”  She shuddered.  “The Templars seized me.  Began to yell, and I barely spoke Orlesian then.  I spent several days in the Spire dungeons.  Then weeks, when I tried to sneak out a second time, to return home. Upon realizing my phylactery had been ‘lost’— we don’t use them in Rivain— they made another.”

Ash resumed loosening her templar armor.  “Liara was forced to remain at the Spire for several years before she found an opportunity to escape.”

“I acted contrite.  Obedient. Eventually, my earlier transgressions were forgotten, and I was given important responsibilities.  Including access to the phylactery chamber.”   And then she smiled, quietly, both self-satisfied and genuinely pleased.  “Which is how I knew the procedures to liberate yours.”

Nathaly folded her arms.  “They walked in and took it.  Pretending to be a traveling templar and her mage charge, resting up a few days at Kinloch Hold.  I take it that it seemed too suspicious to vanish after Kaidan and his phylactery walked out the door?”

“Exactly,” said Ash.  “Instead, Liara helped them search the phylactery chamber, since she’s such an expert on them, and I sat in while the templars debated how to conduct a traditional search.  I don’t think any of their strategies are likely to work.  Then, after a suitable wait, regretfully we had to continue our journey. The phylactery was on my person the whole time.”

Kaidan wrapped his fist around the vial.  Angry and thankful and sad, all at once.  He could still feel the prick in the crook of his elbow, where they pierced his skin with a knife and trickled the blood into this glass tube, knew if looked he’d still see the small scar.  

Liara touched his hand.  Looked up at him, earnest.  “I felt the same when I finally held mine, and the Spire had me far fewer years. Everything will be better now. You’ll see.”

Then she followed Ash back into the cave, in search of their provisions.  He looked at Nathaly.  “Why?”

She uncrossed her arms and shuffled away, busying herself with folding and retying her scarf, the long ends of it trailing down her back.  Most of her hair had flown free as she slept.  As far as he could tell, she mainly wore it to keep strands from falling in her eyes.  “Why what?”

“Yes, you made a promise.”  He bit his lip, turning the phylactery over in his palm.  “We were just children.”

“I don’t see how that makes it any less important.”

“You risked yourself and your friends to free me.”  He eyed her.  “I am grateful.  I think. But Nathaly, you gotta admit, that’s kind of a lot to put on somebody.”

She glanced away and let out a breath.  Then looked back at him directly, backlit by the fading light.  “You were my closest friend.  I never met anyone in thirteen years I liked better.  You meet someone like that, you hang on.”

He should set a boundary, after that sort of statement.  Establish some kind of distance.  Instead, he said, “I never forgot you, you know.  I didn’t think you’d actually come.  But it meant something that you wanted to.”

Her expression relaxed into relief.  Not the emotion he expected to see— she’d been nervous about this reunion, too, and that hadn’t stopped her, either.  She finished knotting the scarf.  “I don’t have any expectations.  You want to leave, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go and be on my way.  I didn’t do this for me.”  A brief pause.  She licked her lips.  “But… I am happy to see you.  More than I can say.”

Early in his time at the Tower, he let himself daydream about what he’d do if he ever got out.  Until it started to hurt too much.  None of those fantasies involved hiding in a cave, but the last thing he wanted to do was leave.  Having a true friend again felt… strange.  But also good.  

He hefted the phylactery, and raised his eyebrows.  “I’m going to get rid of this.  Want to watch?”

“Gladly.”

Kaidan grabbed his staff and headed out, into a small cove of pines standing tall near their makeshift quarters, nicely hidden from any watchful eyes.  He set the phylactery on a small boulder.  It rolled into a niche and settled, a glowing ruby in the last light of the sun.  Brooding there.

He contemplated it for a long moment, this tiny object which had ruled his life since he was nine years old.  Then without any preamble he raised his staff and crushed it with the end.  Blood splashed over the rock, a morbid scarlet bloom running between the shards.  Then he leveled the crystal at it, called out three words, and it erupted in white hot flames.

Nathaly watched in silence.  When it lit up, she didn’t flinch, as he expected, but instead let out a small satisfied whoosh of breath.  Like she, too, saw this as a great righting of the world.  

They stood there side-by-side until the last of the fire faded, and all that was left of Kaidan’s leash was a scorch mark on stone.  Even the glass had melted away.  Then, deliberately, he turned his back on it. “Think your friends managed to put together some dinner?”

“Are all mages constantly thinking with their stomachs?” she asked, catching his change in tone.

“Maybe?” If nothing else, Kinloch Hold never lacked for food.  For too many of his fellow apprentices, that was the first time in their lives they could expect three meals a day, as big a portion as they wanted.

“Well, it’s good we asked Garrus to lay in more supplies.”  She jerked her head towards the cave.  “Come on.  Ash is a better cook than she’ll admit.”

[tricktster]

this is a weird fish rant incoming

i wrote that post about my newest aquarium with darkmantle the betta fish about 18 times because on the first 17 passes i kept trying to find ways to reassure whoever found it through the tags that the tank was big enough and cycled and my parameters were great...

because, like, in my experience aquatics as a hobby at large (but particularly on tumblr thanks to anon asks) has the potential to be incredibly judgmental! Which... like, honestly i get!

A lot of us love tech and we love learning new techniques and how to care for species with really specific needs, but when it comes down to it... there are really just a few things you have to do to keep everyone in your average freshwater tank thriving, and i’m gonna hazard a guess and say 60-70 percent of people don’t do any of them, at least not at first!

like, fucking it up is almost baked into the hobby. we still give out goldfish at carnivals, we still see products claiming that you don’t need to change water ever if you just buy their additive or throw a plant in it and call it aquaponics, and we still sell tanks specifically marketed for betta fish that wouldn’t be a humane place to keep any living being. and how do you beat that mentality, you know? when there’s a full industry saying “no, these animals actually like! living in unheated, unfiltered plastic cubes,” or “they’re great favors for parties, put them in mason jars as a centerpiece!” there’s always gonna be some percentage of people who don’t ever question that, and it’s upsetting!

worse, the people who are really into the hobby? like i said, bad care is basically where most of us started out! most of us made those same beginner fuckups, and we didn’t provide proper care for our underwater buds because we were kids, or information wasn’t available because we had dial up, or even the information in books was often wrong, or the clerk at the pet store said it was okay, or the fucking instructions on the box did. we learned that we were wrong when our pets died. then like, we got a little knowledge, and now we feel guilty that we caused any living being to suffer in the past because we didn’t know enough or do enough to prevent that suffering.

and this is kind of a wild thing about this hobby i stumbled into, because, unlike many other hobbies, there is a measureable cost to fucking it up. tiny lives are on the line, and if you’re bad at it, they die early and unnatural deaths. for those of us who find joy in figuring out how to help our charges thrive, it sucks to know that for some people who claim to love it too, an aquarium is where you put a fish until it dies a few days/weeks/maaybe months later and you get another fish. there’s some moral weight involved that other hobbies don’t have. like, there’s a lot of bad artists out there. some people genuinely suck at knitting or the harmonica. i cannot in good faith call the thing my body does to music “dancing.” generally, the errors people make if they’re bad at a hobby do not lead to suffering and death. (exception: see, my attempts at dancing, supra.)

also, the people who are really fucking it up in the aquarium sphere don’t have a huge overlap with the people who are enthusiastically showing progress pics or asking questions about the science or art underlying these little closed ecosystems. i think people really dedicated to the hobby don’t get the opportunity to interact very often with the subset of people out there fucking it up hard. like, you know it’s happening, and it’s easy to find pictures of a shitty tank if you go looking, but most people are doing pretty fucking good if they’re already actively engaged in the hobby.

so, this is my theory about judgy, judgy fishblr. i think all that anger at people who don’t care about their animals mixes with our own shame for our early mistakes and emotions run high; then, like anything else people are passionate about, some people become holier-than-thou fundamentalists about the whole fuckin thing. if they call you out, they can stay above reproach. if they can claim that anything different from how they engage with the hobby is wrong, they can’t be accused of ever making a mistake, and maybe they don’t need to grapple with their own guilt about their own fuckups that way either. like, i know this all sounds really overblown but...seriously, my tiny following on this site is because I Am A Person Who Wrote 475000 words of Fanfic About Sans Undertale, Including His Dick, and for that crime against decency, i’m sure i DO deserve some anon hate. yet somehow, in spite of my many public sins, my most unpleasant interactions on this or honestly any social media site have been about aquarium stuff? it’s not even directly mean, it’s concern trolling like “uhh sweetie good try but you really shouldn’t have a betta unless you’ve got the space for it 😏😉” and inside i’m like “BITCH IT’S 6.6 GALLONS, it’s ONE FISH, IT’S A NANO TANK,” and yet my response is always closer to “thanks for the tip 😁😁😁😁. here’s why you’re wrong but i’ll be CHEERFUL AND FRIENDLY about it because deep down i STILL need validation that I’m not hurting my animals, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I’M DOING GREAT”

(this, i swear to god, happens often enough that it’s a joke on the aquatics subreddits? like someone will post a pic of obscenely enormous empty tank, drained swimming pool etc and be like “any ideas what i should put in this?!” and the comments will be like “maybe big enough for a betta???” “no way. with a tank that small, one amano shrimp tops, and that’s PUSHING it”)

so there my dumb ass was last night, trying to write jokes about my fish while still preemptively demonstrating that i know my shit to stop any doubters from fishsplaining at me? and i just COULDN’T get it, and i was getting really frustrated, because it’s so obnoxious to be lumped in with people who never change their pets’ water and don’t know to cycle their tanks and certainly don’t regularly find themselves hunched over 5 ml beakers waiting for the reagents to assure them their ammonia level is as close to 0 parts pet million as possible...

and then i remembered how i deal with anyone who questions my competency in literally any other field. I don’t smile and emoji my way through being attacked by some asshole on the internet when any other topic is on the line. i certainly don’t scramble for the reciepts to prove they’re wrong. instead, i use every debater’s most feared technique:

I threaten to crawl into their house and put things in their ears while they’re sleeping.

Hmmm, oh, are you implying that I don’t know how to care for my obviously healthy, thriving animals? not anymore, because you can’t question my commitment with your EARS FULL OF GOOGLY EYES, JARED!

...this went so far off the rails. in conclusion, take care of your pets, and don’t be insecure in your abilities.

oh, and saltwater tank elitist snobs can eat my farts. give your balls a tug ya shitheads.

[wunderlass]

Roswell episode one - notes from an under-caffeinated rewatch

For absolutely no reason, after episode six I decided to go back and rewatch the existing episodes with fresh eyes and perspective. These are my thoughts, questions etc, posted episode by episode before the new one tomorrow night.

I’m focusing less on Malex since that seems to be where the majority of meta gets directed.

(No sideblogs we post every hyperfixation on main, but here’s a tag to blacklist and a cut to save your dashboard).

Well the alien crash certainly looked like a weather balloon. Lots of tattered fabric which is very odd.

Liz is surprised that Max is still in Roswell – I guess she assumed he would have carried on with his previous travel plans when she changed hers.

Carina confirmed on Twitter that Liz has been back for holidays (she just hasn’t seen Max) which makes sense or this is a very subdued reunion between Liz and Arturo after 10 years. But I like that since then I am marginally less sad for Papa Ortecho.

Liz is very conveniently closing up on her own there. Also, considering the town hates the Ortechos, I guess the Crashdown serves great food because they apparently all kept going there.

“I’m not one of the bad guys, Liz.” Now, I really hope that doesn’t end up being a horrible piece of foreshadowing in hindsight. I don’t want to rewatch this pilot in, say, five years, and think “FUCK YOU MAX EVANS.” Yes, now we know he’s done bad things, but depending on your view of human (alien?) nature that does not fundamentally make him a bad person.

Max is genuinely surprised that Liz remembers anything about him. Guess he’s been torturing himself in that decade assuming she forgot allll about him.

His line about protecting people definitely now belies that guilt has been his primary motivator for ten years. He’s quick to change the subject – leading onto:

He tries to say he’s sorry about Rosa (the source of his guilt) – this suggests they never spoke again after the desert trip – but Liz changes the subject, providing him with an easy out.

Healing Liz is the least he could do since he is directly responsible for her being shot. In hindsight his desperation to heal her is as much motivated by that ever-present guilt as it is love. And he’s probably surprised it worked this time when it didn’t for Rosa. Has he used his powers at all since that night? Their conversation later on suggests not.

He doesn’t go back to check on Liz, leaving that to the sheriff. Avoiding her again? She seeks him out in their next encounters (not him).

“Self-righteous lecture” in the drunk tank – okay Michael but you flaunting your powers like that is dangerous for all of you. You don’t know at this point that Max has broken his own rules.

“You’ve never done anything for anyone!” is still a strange line, though oft-debated. Michael helped in the cover-up, took the fall for Isobel and gave up his chance to get out of Roswell. Hardly nothing. But maybe it does refer to Michael basically becoming a drifter after that point and not doing anything to try and put right what they did.

Max does not confide in Isobel. She has no idea he still carries a torch for Liz. I don’t think she knows much about him at all, for all the time they spend together. His emotions are buried deep.

Michael makes plenty of digs about Alex’s dad. I think something went down after the hammer attack where Alex had to choose between Michael and his father – and he chose his father. Probably still craving acceptance despite everything. Maybe Michael pushed him away deliberately, but the bitterness on Michael’s side here would make that less likely.

Rosa really wanted Liz to get out of Roswell. She might not have been the best big sister but she still wanted the best for Liz. It’s sad that what happened coloured Liz’s perceptions of Rosa and really, robbed her of her chance to grieve for her sister.

“Can you keep a secret?” “Of course.” Yep, Max is great at keeping secrets. Liz…not so much.

Max is torn but his loyalty to his siblings is just about stronger than his pull towards Liz. I think only that all-pervading guilt sways it. But Michael and Isobel were right to assume Max was the weak link all those years ago.

Was Maria Rosa or Liz’s BFF? Or both? (if she was Rosa’s it makes sense she wasn’t at prom, as she would have graduated a year or two earlier).

In ten years has Max actually tried to love again, or has he shut himself off, at least emotionally? Did he decide it’s too big a risk to get attached? Even Isobel has a distance from Noah. Maybe it’s easier for Max to not even try and therefore live in the dream of what might have happened with Liz.

“I don’t dance in this town anymore” – her last dance was with Max.

I could be team Kyliz but they just don’t have that Echo chemistry.

Jim Valenti’s brain cancer – legit or somehow induced because he knew too much?

Max is offended by Liz calling him a stranger but, like, you are.

Much has been written about that Peak Whiteness statement, and Max’s quite callous disregard for why Liz hates Roswell. The aliens are far too wrapped up in their own fear of what might happen to them to do anything about the suffering of others (and ain’t that a metaphor). But when Max says that his family are happy – are they really? Or just living that comfortable lie Isobel spoke of?

“My life is ordinary” but miserable.

So who did put the pods in the cave? (I know, I know, one big mystery at a time).

Why oh WHY did nobody question the random mute kids found near the alien crash site? I know most people will treat the crash as a local myth/hoax and not make the connection, but surely this stuff made local news? Trying to locate their families before getting them adopted out? Did Jesse Manes/Jim Valenti (the sheriff!) not hear about this and go “this is weird, maybe we should keep an eye on these kids or dig a bit more. How have they never ended up on Manes’ radar?

Also exactly why was Michael harder to place – was his power manifesting even then?

Kyle does a lot of non-surgical medicine for a surgeon.

Isobel stopped messing with minds after Rosa died and only started again in episode 3 when she was trying to influence Liz. Cue blackouts. Maybe the cause of the blackouts is something as simple as using her powers.

The almost kiss here mirrors the almost kiss in episode six and they are both things of aching beauty.

Is that hope we see in our expression, Max? Don’t get too comfortable with it.

I don’t think Jesse Manes’ is all that bothered about protecting the world. He’s just eager for war. He longs for an excuse to cause pain. The description of the aliens is a description of himself (…could it be? Surely not?)

Also, how exactly does he know all of that? If only one known alien ever survived, what makes them think the aliens are so terrible? What exactly has this project been chasing for so many decades if there’s so little evidence of the aliens being out there? (I wonder if anybody ever dug up a desert corpse with a handprint on his chest).

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

not that this really matters, but the notes i was using to help me write my life story have been scrapped when the word program i was using mysteriously decided to update.

This does not mean that i am royally screwed by any means. It only means that i will have to remap the years 2001-2003, and since i have all this stuff in my brain it shouldn’t be too big of a problem getting it all logged down. I should probably reread what i have written so far in order to keep it kind of fluid. Not that it matters too awful much to anyone on here. I think there is about 4-5 people who stuck around for all the endless parts, reading about every breakdown i had.

But really, this wasn’t such a bad place to start anew, so to speak, since this was kind of a part two beginning point for me anyway. I will start talking about my experience in high school. My brain sort of wired itself differently and remembers things in a different way after this point. So it was kind of a change.

I’ve also been kind of weary of writing or thinking for some reason. I feel kind of stressed out, like i am about to panic. My eyes are twitching a little.  I had a fight with both my parents, my father stayed over one of the nights, and he started going off at five in the morning when he woke up and i had just gotten off work about how wonderful trump was for pulling out of the Paris Agreement. When i sited numerous reasons from a reasonable person - bipartisan standpoint even, he basically told me to shut up. I accidentally interrupted him. He interrupts more than anyone i have ever known, and i didn’t even know he was planning on saying anything since i was lying on the couch turned back from him. I basically told him that i was sorry i interrupted, but to be fair, i learned it from the best. Then i kicked him out. This all happened at five in the morning, and i still can’t figure out why anyone would want to get in a heated debate over politics at five in the morning. Conservative talk radio has kind of ruined him thought process, and he keeps talking about how he wants the world to be destroyed. He supports Donald Trump from a standpoint that he wants to see the world fall apart - out of some kind of revenge. He thinks human beings are too lazy, and in his mind, the return of deadly diseases, economic collapse, starvation, limited natural resources, a destroyed ecosystem and so forth would be really good - and even funny to him. He also shook hands with a man about a year ago who openly supported the KKK so i honestly really kind of resent him. He genuinely sites this situation as an example of his tolerance too. It’s beyond words. And i really just had enough and told him to get the hell out.

With my mom, i basically was planning a trip to see Nick Cave in Portland. It was my own trip. My mom and my brother live together, and he also wanted to see Nick Cave in concert. I offered to get David on the train with me. From there, my mother assumed that i was to be responsible for David’s food, lodging, transportation and so on and so forth. Then i found out that I had bought the wrong tickets. I had bought tickets for Los Angeles instead. I have tried to sell them, but to no avail. My mom was expecting more and more from me financially, and it was running to be a trip over 1000 dollars. All so i can not even go to the event i wanted to go to. She had intentionally put it off hoping that out of desperation and guilt i would take all the responsibility. Basically, she was trying to use me because she knows she has been able to in the past. I went along with it for a few days, but should couldn’t even answer some straight questions about accommodations. It was really stressing me out. I woke up a few mornings ago and just decided to cancel the whole trip. I had already wasted about 600$ on concert and train tickets i was not going to get back, and i was feeling extremely shitty about that. I have never wasted that much money before. Well, i mean, i probably have wasted more than that on little things i don’t need over the course of a few years, but not all at once. I am trying to save enough to move to Portland permanently. I just decided not to go. And she freaked out at me and started saying that it was all my fault. I was afraid my brother would be mad at me. He was not.

Lastly, i have been feeling like i can’t do this version of my life anymore. I don’t get extremely upset anymore, but i can tell that something is very wrong with me when my entire life becomes hazy and my goals are to avoid everything and everyone at all costs. I should be upset actually, but i just feel like i am dying in a way. It’s not healthy, and i am not happy. I honestly think that i would be better off struggling to make it in a new town with a fresh start than i would here with a decent job and a home. There is absolutely no excitement in my life at all, and i am always alone, and it’s starting to wear on my self worth and my psyche in general. So i decided that on August 17 or August 25 - one of the two depending on the amount of money i will need, i am going to quit my job. And start making the necessary provisions to move. The problem i am having is that i have absolutely nowhere to go in Portland. Sarah, my friend lives there, but she lives with her mom. It’s a small apartment and her mom hardly likes visitors, let alone someone who wants somewhere to actually live until i find a better place. So that’s going to be difficult.

With all this going on, i have been eating very poorly. I have troubles getting to the bank and to the grocery store because i am either working or sleeping. So i have been stopping at a gas station to get food after work late at night since it is the only place near by that is open. I don’t feel very good because i have been drinking ungodly amounts of caffeine, and eating only potato chips. The guy behind the counter at four in the morning at Zip Trip is one of the only people who says a word to me sometimes for several days. The laundry room in our apartment complex is broken, so i have to keep washing my work clothes by hand. And i am extremely sensitive to heat, and it’s getting to be summer. On my days off i feel numb and confused and powerless. I just usually sleep a lot and stare at the computer screen. I should be doing more, but something in my head is not making a connection. And on top of feeling this way, i feel this nagging panic and guilt that i am wasting my time. I see people my age graduating from their post graduate schools, getting married, having kids. I know their lives are not perfect, but i still know that i am definitely missing something. About a month ago, i was bouncing off the walls with clarity and energy and direction and now i feel like i can barely move half the time. But i also feel extremely anxious, but i don’t even know what for. My sister and her boyfriend don’t really get it, and they think i am just lazy for the sake of lazy. This isn’t fun for me, and even though it’s inevitable and even understandable for people to see this as my identity, this is not really who i am.

Anyway, from all that, i have temporarily found myself in a place where i am lacking enough clarity of thought to even write my life story for now. I was honestly panicking about getting back to it, shaming myself and the like. So i realized that i need to kind of face what the situation is at the moment. I look forward to doing it, and it will be fun. I just can’t right now. But rest assured, i will eventually get back into it.

[userpoe]

I was tagged by @fisforfulcrum thanks sweetie 😘

Why did you choose your URL?

I was really getting back into my sequels spin and wanted something short and snappy to change to, but I also wanted it to be connected to Poe in some way. Since all the good Poe urls were taken, on a whim I checked to see if zoriis was available. It was, so I changed to it and it...just sort of became my brand? I don't ever wanna change from it I don't think...unless a really good Poe url opens up anyway, which I doubt. And I get a serious seratonin rush whenever anyone refers to me by my url in the tags idk why.

Any side blogs?

I have my x reader fic blog @luminouspoes where I use to reblog all my recs + post my fics before I decided to move all my bullshit here. I'm also co-mod of @thedamereynetwork because I love my babies.

How long have you been on tumblr?

Since 2011/2012. I didn't really get active on here until late 2013, though.

Do you have a queue tag?

the classic and very original "queue". I use to do the snazzy quotes thing but I can never stick to one for very long. I've debated here and there making a new queue tag, maybe with a sw quote, but eh who has the spoons for that.

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Initially back when, it was meant to help me with my nonfiction writing. Instead, Tumblr ended up being instrumental in me discovering fanfic and honing my fiction writing craft through that. I remade my blog a shit ton of times as a teenager, though, and the thing that kept me coming back was all the pretty content and my friends. Plus, where else am I gonna be this weird on? Twitter? Hell no.

Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Because I thought the Poe emoji on the Star Wars app was precious. Then, for pride month, I decided to add the aroace flag behind him because well. I'm asexual and dubiously aromantic, and I hc Poe being aspec, so I thought it'd be nice. Did you know his second X-Wing kind of has the same color palette as the aroace flag? It's pretty damn cool still not Black One but cool

Why did you choose your header?

Because @abelmorales and @michaelperry are responsible for me falling head over heels with Michael Perry and I wanted to include (1) soft perfect angel teacher man on my blog somehow fjsjsjskss so soft af flannel clad grading papers Michael it was.

What’s your post with the most notes?

This Poe gifset here, which astonishes me given how many braincells I had to rub together to figure out how to phrase the captions (the irony, I know). I guess we have a thing for competency and forearms in this fandom?

How many mutuals do you have?

A few! Dunno how many dunno how one would know that.

How many follows do you have?

Too many, in my opinion??? There's almost 1.2k of you now and I don't know why you're all here but I appreciate it nonetheless.

How many people do you follow?

Little under 200 and most of those are inactive anymore. I'm pretty picky abt what I follow cos of my anxiety and also idk if you've noticed but most of my interests revolve around shit that's been over for several years. And a lot of blogs are really ship-oriented, and I just...don't vibe with shipping communities so I try to stay on the outskirts of all that.

Also I'm pretty guarded about who I follow due to years of casual aphobia being thrown around this site, and now wariness about how blogs act abt neurodivergent folk and characters

...but if anyone knows of any more active Oscar blogs that are nice abt Poe and the sequels or moffat era dw blogs...please let me know fjdksks my dash is always dead

Have you ever made a shitpost?

With my brand of humor I think most of my jokey posts kind of teeters on it. But I don't think I've ever outright done a shitpost.

How often do you use tumblr each day?

*coughs* pretty often. I'm a slow scroller, so it takes me awhile to get through the dashboard to start with and I also like checking the edit tags and then if I go through a blog I can end up going down a rabbit hole of looking through their posts or their tag about a show or movie or character I like and then whoops where has the time gone. But I'm kind of pulling myself away from scrolling so much on Tumblr, if anything so my dashboard is a little more active when I do hop on, and also so I can get some other hobbies in like writing or reading (working through the second to all the boys book rn!)

Did you have a fight with another blog once?

*laughs my ass off* no. I stick to my lane, if someone posts something that I'm uncomfortable with or I disagree with, I just... unfollow? I'm not interested in vague posting people either, I don't see the damn point. This is my little internet cottage and I don't see the point in fighting the village when I can just ignore them and care for fellow wanderers, ya feel?

Though, come to think of it, I have told off a fair few anonymous asks who were trying to bully my friends or mutuals but. I don't know if we can really count that or not.

How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

[wibbles hand] I think some can veer a little too closely to guilt tripping the readers, but if it's something really important, I understand the urgency.

Do you like tag games?

I do! They're a lot of fun, I just wish I had the spoons more often to do them. I also tend to freak out because I never know who to tag because I'm simultaneously worried I'll be annoying if I do tag someone, and if I forget someone I'll make them feel left out.

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

First off, Laura's answer to this question is so damn precious I'm going to cry, love you babes. Second of all, I genuinely think all my mutuals are Tumblr famous. Like in my head I'm just like "that person is so fucking awesome oh my god they're so cool I bet they have so many followers they deserve it all their posts are exquisite". I love my mutuals and there's a good chance (see: yes) that if we're mutuals I consider u my friend in my head I'm just too shy to admit it out loud yet jdjdks

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I literally get hearts in my eyes everytime I go down my dashboard. I am platonically kissing you all on the cheek and giving you cocoa. I love you.

no pressure tags: @bee-dameron @djarinsbeskar @michaelperry @abelmorales @starryeyedstories @misterrimpossible @exlibrisastra and @princedimitris and anyone else I may be blanking on

[foursprout-blog]

How To Be Authentic

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/how-to-be-authentic/

How To Be Authentic

You’re reading How To Be Authentic, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

We all awake each day and get ready to head out into the world. We put on our clothes, possibly our makeup. The last thing we put on is the way in which we act in front of others. We operate in a certain way, depending on who is around us. We do this because we think that this is the way in which we gain friends and influence people. All of these actions make our persona.

The Persona

We create this persona because we are often not okay with who we are. We also may think if we act some other certain way then we will gain a more considerable amount of success. The idea that this is an illusion is rarely talked about in the modern western world.

According to Carl Jung: “The persona is a complicated system of relations between individual consciousness and society, fittingly enough a kind of mask, designed on the one hand to make a definite impression upon others, and, on the other, to conceal the true nature of the individual.” [1]

Before we leave the house, we clothe ourselves. This covering is our first layer of defense against the world. As long as we veil ourselves, we conceal our bodies for what they are. We must understand that our bodies are not us, they are but a small part of us.

The next level of defense is through our words and deeds. We create in our mind a particular way of acting or presenting ourselves to others. We do this to try to position ourselves some way in this game called life to gain something.

The Pearl

We can think of what it is that we conceal as some small spec of dirt, or darkness within us. The analogy can then be drawn to that of a pearl. As Jim Carrey so succinctly put it:

“What is the dirt that the pearl is built around? And the pearl is the personality that you build around yourself as a protection against that thought: “If they ever find out that I’m worthless if they ever find out that I’m not enough, I’ll be destroyed.”

The dirt then is the real you in all of your flaws, intricacies, and quirks. This message seems especially poignant coming from someone who is so successful by most measures of society.

Living with the knowledge that we are regularly covering up the real and spontaneous self-leads us to a life of tension. This tension comes from the duality of what we present to the world and that of our actual selves. The vaster the distance between the two the more stress, anxiety, fear and sadness you will feel.

We know that we are carrying around a heavy burden and we all would like to release it. Death is the point where it all falls away, and we don’t have to worry or try anymore. This falling away is a similar idea which makes drugs and alcohol appealing. We are continually looking to go on vacation from ourselves.

The Thorn

There is another analogy that we can explore to better define the dirt of the pearl. Michael Singer suggested in his book “The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself” that this dirt is like a thorn. Any emotional or spiritual pain that we have inside of us is like a very painful thorn in our side. The barb is sensitive to specific stimuli such as having others being close to us either physically or emotionally.

We try to cover the thorn up with layers upon layers of gauze. However, like the story of the princess and the pea, no matter how many layers, when someone gets close to us there is acute, chronic pain.

Having this painful thorn in our side, we can choose to do one of two things, create a life of avoidance that stays clear of anything that might disturb the barb, or we can decide to pull this it out.

The pain will be much more significant up front if we choose to deal with this pain, however, in the long run, our lives will be much better off. The only thing that our brains use to judge pain is the maximum intensity and the ending state. So right off the bat, the best decision for us – pulling out the thorn – will be the most difficult due to pure human psychology.

If we choose to pull out the thorn, two things come into play here. Spontaneity and present moment awareness as tools for the cultivation of real freedom.

Spontaneity

The ancient eastern mystics knew the power of spontaneity. That is why in Buddhist monasteries the teachers hit their students with sticks, throw spoons at them, or tell them to listen for a distant river hundreds of miles away. These practices are all in the name of getting a completely genuine, spontaneous reaction out of the student.

Spontaneity is an incredibly complex game for westerners as we have all been raised with the mindset of contemplation, debate, and planning before acting. It is often correlated with brash, unintelligent or uninformed decisions. In reality, a spontaneous arrangement allows for the much more powerful unconscious mind to come into play.

True spontaneity can only come with extreme present moment awareness. We must release the story that we tell ourselves and not let it influence our current moment experience. Interpretation of our thoughts and emotions is our only real choice in life. We must take them as lessons, learn and leave them behind.

It should be made clear that spontaneity does not mean that we just give up all responsibility or do what we want to no end. If we are intensely aware of ourselves, we know that this is not the right path. True spontaneity comes from the fulfillment of our own personal, spiritual journey.

We can think of spontaneity much as Alan Watts has taught in the framework of a flower or the beating of your heart. A flower does not think about growing, it just grows. You do not think about beating your heart, it just beats. Your heart does not seek all possible pleasures it can because it is spontaneous. It remains in perfect balance and harmony with the rest of your body. This pattern is the way of spontaneity.

Take Off The Mask

We have two choices in our lives. Keep putting on the mask to fabricate the impression we make upon others while concealing our authentic selves, or let go of the story that we tell, face the fear of vulnerability and lead a genuine and spontaneous life. I am not suggesting it is easy, as I still struggle with it daily. However, as you can probably agree, any valuable life skill or personal growth is not natural.

[1] “The Relations between the Ego and the Unconscious” (1928). In CW 7: Two Essays on Analytical Psychology. P.305

https://en.gravatar.com/thelifeodyssey

Pete is a young, energetic, life loving “thoughtrepreneur”. An engineer by training he has found himself as an inspirational and thought-provoking writer. His primary goal is to help people to lead “grounded and thrilling lives” through thought and idea sharing. His website with blogs, art and soon to be book promotion can be found at: www.thelifeodyssey.com

You’ve read How To Be Authentic, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.