#I fucking was gonna make this christmas eve but I got busy the past two days

[cosmosflowers92]

So I quit my job yesterday.

I am an approved to do indtacart so I’m just gonna deliver peoples groceries for a while.

The change is going to be intense, I used to sell jewelry.

I worked at my old store for a year and a half and retail has just sucked the soul out of me. The customers were so rude the entire time and it was very busy, I think I’m at that age now where I just don’t want to work with the public in that way anymore. I’m socially exhausted. It all came to a head though because my old sm hurt her back (to what degree I have my suspicions) but had to be out conveniently from Christmas Eve till the 2 of January.

I put in my two weeks notice and my last day was supposed to be Jan 5th, of course with me getting the worst schedule after that also, she gave me New Year’s Eve off but had me opening on New Year’s Day and with my commute that meant that I had to get up at 5am (so how am I supposed to celebrate anything) and this on top of me already working all the other holidays before and after. So I get up at 5 after only having a few hours of sleep to a message from another manager telling me she was going to the hospital (to which I have not seen a dr.’s note, nor have did I ever get an update) also convienant the day after new years, and I just had enough, I was pushed past my breaking point to which I sent the manager group chat message that reads as follows

“This is not what I originally intended and I do apologize for the inconvenience this will cause, I understand some of us have medical conditions that have prevented us from being able to support the business and I truly am sorry that we are going through these things, that being said unfortunately that has left me holding the bag a lot this holiday season and today really pushed me passed my breaking point and that has led to me being forced to choose myself and let today be my last day, I did do the trays for the upcoming floorset there are holes that will need to be filled with product when yall get it and they are set up in the back ,I did work open to close to support Nicola this evening, my keys are on the desk. “

To which I never even got a response…. I refuse to let them get one more floorset (night where you change all the displays and marketing) out of me and make their start of the year easy, nah fuck that

Anyways so my resolution this year will be not to be silent for other people comfortability…

Happy new year yall

[drake-the-incubus]

This is a gift for @striderhell from the Homestuck Secret Santa 2020 (@homestuckss). I was aiming for 3000 words but uh, Dirk as a muse didn’t want to continue exploring the concept of gender given his rigid but philosophical nature.

I hope this was good, and if not just gimme a shout and I’ll try and come up with something better. 

Word Count: 1521 Fandom: Homestuck Characters: Dirk Strider, Roxy Lalonde Relationships: Dirk Strider & Roxy Lalonde (Platonic/Friends)

Additional Notes: Roxy uses He/Him and They/Them, I’ve never finished the epilogues but I love NB Rox. Dirk uses no pronouns in this, as I wanted to try that out. 

Please enjoy Dirk exploring his gender. 

Sometimes in an effort to define ourselves, we feel trapped to conform to some rigid aspect or label in hopes to reach an understanding of who we are. At times this process can be frustrating and dissatisfying. Other people take weeks or days, and some of them take years or never figure it out. 

Perhaps gender, as a construct, can’t be fully understood, but we can understand ourselves as people without it. The tale before you, is only a short of someone who wishes to take a journey many end up doing, and most have never encountered.

Dirk was sitting in a cafe on Earth-C, sipping on a coffee in between tinkering with another pair of shades. The goal was updating and adding a better set of graphics, hoping to add some additional features to make things easier.

It had been a while since the Prince of Heart had seen the rest of the gods. Jake would visit once in a while, and they would have a friendly spar or talk. Roxy would message once in a while, letting Dirk know any spicy news about the rest.

Dave would randomly show up, they would stare each other down before both Striders would give a thumbs up and go their separate ways.

Rose would often come by, trading witty banter and wisdom. Both of them struggled with the massive impact of their god tiers and would often talk about it to one another.

Today though, Dirk decided a change of area would suit this project best, specifically needing to leave the workshop and enjoy some caffeine. Recently a problem developed that would continue to nag at the Prince even through the night. Lack of sleep was the reason why Dirk had picked a coffee shop. It made the most sense.

Gender did not.

Dirk had been going through a lot lately, and when Roxy had come out as trans, it had been taken pretty well by most of them. Not that it would be different if Dirk came out either, but rather that would take knowing what was going on.

This was a laughable moment, since they all had beaten the game, made it out and enjoyed their own little home in the midst of nothing. Creating entire worlds and civilizations with the help of their space and time players, but Dirk was sitting there, in a cafe, trying to figure out what gender even was and how it related to the god’s own identity.

Pronouns were hard, but so was even figuring this shit out. Making a copy of your brain at thirteen was much easier than figuring out if you’re cis or not, and Dirk didn’t know.

The more it was thought about, the more the thought cropped up, what if it turned out the being Cis wasn’t the result. Dirk was absolutely sure about not being a chick, nothing really appealed about that, but then again there was a very similar feeling over the current gender.

Man, agender or woman. Those were the categories that presented themselves currently. Working harder to connect the shades to the newly built chip, Dirk jolted when suddenly Roxy sat down across the table.

“I called out to you, but you didn’t answer.” He said leaning over and looking over the project. “I was wondering what made you change location, you’re pretty adamant to work in your workshop Dirkie.”

“I needed to think, which I was doing when you were calling out to me. Thinking so hard about creating a new line of orange pop with more caffeine than this cup of coffee that the world died out and I was left to only the one set of thoughts for once.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, and crossed his arms. “Really now? You think that I can’t tell something bigger is going on in that Strider head of yours? You’ve come up with projects while having a philosophical discussion with Rose and texting Dave a rap battle. You’re the king of multi-tasking, which also means your attention is usually divided more, and you’re attempting to put a wire on the wrong side of that.”

Dirk frowned and sighed, putting the project down. “Well, I can’t get nothing past you I suppose. I guess one thing that’s on my mind is how much I miss AR, since he was a good source of introspection, then again I have no idea if that would have helped in the first place.” Tapping fingers filled the space between them as the Prince looked outside at the billions of humans and trolls walking over the streets.

“I’ve been contemplating what gender is and how I relate to it since you came out as nonbinary. It’s been making me think about what is my gender, and I’ve come to the conclusion none of them really fit, but that’s also something to worry about since that means I don’t relate to any of the options-“

“Before you go on a long tangent, I want to ask, what are the options?” He interrupted Dirk while cocking his head.

“Agender, man and woman.” Dirk said bluntly, staring at Roxy. The laughter that resulted made the god tip the iconic shades down to stare at Roxy with deadpan orange eyes.

“I get greeted by your eye colour, score! But no, you got it all wrong, gender isn’t rigid categories, it’s a spectrum. You can’t define it by strict labels and there’s too many to count. So you don’t fit in three, there’s millions of genders. Some might not have a word for it right now. I’m nonbinary, but that’s because I’m not a man or a woman completely, I’m somewhere in the middle, closer to a man if I were to describe it as like, a sliding scale. So don’t be in a hurry, and don’t worry if you don’t figure it out.”

“I need to. Not knowing makes things difficult. I know it might be unhealthy to obsess over, but ever since I made Auto Responder, I had the need to understand myself fully and everything about myself.” With an elbow on the table, Dirk took a hand and raked it through the mess of hair. Having done so more than a hundred times earlier, the Prince was sure it was a complete and utter mess at this point, and would need to be taken care of at home.

“Well, I have a list of some of the other more known ones, maybe one of them check out for you?” He offered a tablet.

Dirk took it, and looked over the list of options and each description of it, mumbling under breath before placing the tablet back down with a definite, “I’m going to use Genderless for now and see what happens.” It looked interesting, the excerpt specifically outlined not having a gender at all due to neurodivergence, rather than lacking a gender or having no gender, different from agender. It didn’t feel much different from everything else, but nothing did. Having several of the entries be defined by one’s neurodivergence was weird, but the more thought placed into the concept, the more it felt real to Dirk. Rather it meant that the Prince would have to take Rose up on her offer to get a fully evaluation soon, even if both of them came to the conclusion Dirk was probably neurodivergent and that it wasn’t impactful with how the god had lived life before the game. 

“Are there any pronouns I should use for you?”

Pursing lips, Dirk gave a shake of the head. “None preferably. I think I need more time to actually think everything over. I have no positive or negative feelings for anything on there, and so I’m debating on if I’m everything or not. I can figure out how to make an exact replica of my own brain as a teenager, create robots, plot out the exact way I can kiss Jake and even save everyone's lives getting into the game. I’ve designed complex interactions to lead to the outcome I desire, and I can’t even pick a gender. This is quite frankly, ridiculous.”

“You don’t gotta. Dirk, it’s not about just picking a gender, it’s about figuring out a big part of yourself, and something most people don’t do for yours. You figured out you’re gay, now you’re figuring out what else you could be.” He placed a hand on Dirk’s and gave him a smile. “Whatever your result, I’m here for you. Even if you later think you’re a Cis man I’ll still be here for you. We might be siblings but we were friends first and that matters the most to me.”

Dirk gave a snort. “This is so fucking corny, but thanks Rox. I appreciate the love and support. Maybe I can treat you to another coffee since I feel like if I don’t buy one soon I’m going to be kicked out for making a mess of a window table.” Motioning towards the table, and standing up, the god stretched out. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Caramel Macchiato please.”

“Gotcha.”

[kitchenisking]

It's the second Night! hope everyone is enjoy it as much as I! 🥰

On A Timer by Simplistically_content - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 2637, sterek)

“Gonna prove that I have every reason to be smug,” Derek promised. “Now,” he went on, knees resting on the edge of the sofa cushions, hands resting on Stiles’ hips. “Remind me what happened first...”

Ghosts of Christmas Past. by devilscut  - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 15261, sterek)

Christmas Eve and Derek's at the Stilinski house after receiving a text from Stiles to meet him there urgently. He finds the teenager asleep under the Christmas tree and on waking him up he discovers that Stiles has found a huge missing part of Derek's past and a loving reminder of the Hale Family. The resulting emotional upheaval leads to revelations between the Alpha and his teenage pack member which leads to kissing and touching..

Christmas morning the Sheriff finishes his shift but what he finds beneath the Christmas tree is the last thing he ever expected.

The boom boom boom of your heart by aprettysmalldose  - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 7258, sterek)

~*hisses*

i want a fic in which stiles has no feelings for derek like hasn’t even thought of it as a possibility, because he’s just, well, derek, he’s derek and tbch stiles doesn’t spend much time thinking about him at all since people are fucking dying, y’know, but then someone brings it up, like makes some passing remark that throws stiles and derek into a romantic/sexual light and then stiles cant sTOP thinking about, he goes to bed at night and dreams that derek is sleeping next to him and jerks off to the image of derek wanting him, and by week number three of this new found whatever you want to call it, stiles is a fucking mess and the next time he sees derek in person, derek shoots him a look during a group conversation and stiles meeps~characterdevelopmentwrites~

ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE 

with porn 'cause that's how I roll howla

Gotta love the classics by aprettysmalldose - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 3979, sterek)

“Or you could just blow me,” He says, casual as all fuck.

Yup. That's pretty much the fic.

Mouth by ViragoWrites - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 3261, sterek)

The first time Derek and Stiles made love…things did not go exactly as planned.

A New Type of Air by nooodisaster - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 1132, sterek)

"Rrrraaagggggrrr," Stiles growled into the wood. 

He hadn't moved from the spot where they'd finished, which this time, was right up against the wall of his bedroom. Drool was starting to dribble down his cheek and onto his Killers poster. That was something he'd like to avoid, but moving seemed completely impossible after what they'd just done. The part of his brain that processed things like movement and language was busy at the moment processing just how well Derek had fucked him. 

Stiles felt like his whole body had been torn open, banged around, and stitched hastily up. He could still feel the cum Derek had pounded inside of him, and how red his hole was by now from the abuse. So that was why he was immobile, mute, and drooling on his wall. There was really no other option.

Control by stilesune - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 4853, sterek)

It started off as dirty talk. Stiles had three fingers in Derek's ass, stretching him nice and good, taking his own pleasure from the whimpers that Derek let out every time Stiles' long fingers slipped over his prostate. He wondered aloud what it'd be like to watch Derek fall apart just from that. He told Derek he'd get him a vibrating plug, make him wear it one day. But Stiles would be in control of the remote. Would turn it on whenever he felt like it. It could be when Derek was getting groceries, or at work in a meeting, Stiles didn't care. With the werewolf refractory period, he could turn it on every half hour if he wanted to until Derek's stomach cramped from coming so much.

That's about as far as that conversation got before Derek flipped Stiles on his back and rode himself to two orgasms before Stiles reached his first.

Accident by Nival_Vixen - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 4627, sterek)

Derek accidentally sends a shirtless photo to Stiles instead of his computer.

Stiles doesn't mind at all.

When Things Go Right by SylvieW - (Rating: Mature, Words: 12580, sterek)

Stiles is nervous for the mating run. What if his soulmate is disappointed? Scott’s convinced that Allison will catch him, but Stiles isn’t so sure of his best friend’s girl, and the results could be upsetting for everyone.

Sometimes When We Touch by KaliopeShipsIt - (Rating: Mature, Words: 14010, sterek)

Stiles Stilinski can handle a lot of things at once, including being an unemployed recent college graduate and finding himself with a very unexpectedly expecting werewolf boyfriend barely five months into their new relationship. 

It's a lot, honestly, but Stiles is going to figure it out. 

He can deal.

What he can't deal with, however, is the fact that Derek keeps flinching every time Stiles touches his stomach.

[theasstour]

𝐍𝐞𝐰𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟏𝟒𝐤 𝐍𝐁: 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭

A/N: Now that we’re at the end of year 1, there will be a lil pause in updates for the time being, just fyi! Next update will be on Sunday 23rd May and then every Sunday until the end of the second year again, which is a tag bit longer and MUCH more eventful than the first year aiajfiegj ✨ Anyway !!! Enjoy chapter 11, it’s a Lot 🏛️🦅

December 2013

Though Y/N was used to her sister doing things when she wanted to and not really having a care in the world for what anyone else would think, it still took her a little by surprise when she walked in the direction of the woods. The sisters had helped their parents carry all the luggage indoors, not doing so would result in Lottie scolding them for being lazy. Neither wanted the Christmas cabin trip to start on a bad note.

“You coming?!” Marcela called to her sister, stopping by a tree and resting her hand against it.

“Coming…” Y/N said to herself, looking over at the cabin door that still stood open before glancing in Marcela’s direction again. “Coming where?!”

“Let’s take a walk!”

It was just about to get dark, the sky above them white like a cotton blanket was draped lazily over the south of Wales, but greying with an oncoming storm. The last time Y/N had been to Newport was a weekend in October, but it had been raining constantly, so she had not taken the time to walk around the forest or stroll down to the ocean a mere 10-minute walk from the cabin. She had just been indoors, reading The Picture of Dorian Gray and not feeling any sort of need to leave the cabin’s four warm walls. Marcela had been in Manchester then, busy with uni work, and planning on spending the weekend studying in the library. She had an article that needed to be written for the UoM’s monthly academic journal, she said she wanted to finish it as quickly as possible, so Y/N had not asked her sister to drop it and come regardless. Though she had very much wanted to do just that.

“Y/N!”

Y/N walked over to her sister instantly, jogging a little to reach her before Marcela just turned around and started walking on before they were side by side. Though the trees around them weren’t many, they were big. Huge beech trunks rose up from the ground around them sporadically, their massive branches stretching out around them like the long, slithering limbs of many insects. Different coloured leaves covered most of the forest floor, though some brown and yellow still lingered in the dark, old trees. In summertime, most of the forest was left in shade, covered up by the thick layer of leaves that rose high above them, preventing actual sunbeams from touching the ground.

“Any idea what you’re gonna be wearing for New Year’s Eve?” Marcela asked once the two of them had walked a minute in silence.

New Year’s Eve was just a few days away, and the family planned on spending it alone in Newport. Marcela usually spent it with Kit and friends in Manchester, but it had been a while since she had celebrated a proper Brazilian New Year’s Eve. Though the Montes family usually spent it in Nottingham with the rest of their big family, Davi and Lottie wanted to try and spend this one with just the four of them. Neither one of the sisters were opposed to the idea, it just meant they wouldn’t have to watch their primos, Edgar at 7, Valentim at 5, and Raimundo at 2, while tia Gilma and tio Jaren ate their Véspera de Ano Novo dinner undisturbed. They loved their primos dearly, but it often left both of them massaging their temples to get rid of a throbbing headache afterwards.

“I brought a white tee shirt and some white joggers,” Y/N said, wrinkling her nose. “I hate wearing white.”

“Why, it doesn’t go with your gothic-black-clothing type of lifestyle?” Marcela laughed, reaching up and picking a yellow leaf off a branch.

Y/N did not feel like telling Marcela why she hated wearing white. And in turn therefore hated part of New Year’s Eve. Only that one part.

Davi always started off every Réveillon, or every new year, by knocking on his daughters’ doors and exclaiming, “Ano novo, vida nova!” New Year, new life. Brazilians are extremely superstitious when it comes to New Year’s Eve. What you do, eat, and wear on New Year’s Eve, will draw certain energies and wishes for the upcoming year. New Year’s Eve in Rio de Janeiro is a massive beach party from Copacabana Beach to Ipanema and beyond. Millions upon millions of people gather at their nearest beach to celebrate, starting early in the evening and going all night, Y/N had always dreamed of one day experiencing that herself. She had been to Brazil, but never on New Year’s Eve.

One of the Brazilian traditions for New Year’s is to wear all-white. Y/N was told by Davi years ago that the tradition came from African religions as an homage to the God Oxalá. It was then adopted by Roman Catholics and Evangelists alike, and though their family wasn’t religious, they practiced this regardless. Another tradition that you did alongside the all-white, was that you have to wear coloured underwear on New Year’s, and it all depended on what you want you want the new year to bring.

“I brought a white dress,” Marcela explained. “What colour?”

“Hmm, I brought a few colours. Think I might go with laranja.”

“Orange,” Marcela smiled. “Professional success. Good choice.”

“And you?”

“Amarelo.”

Y/N blinked. “Yellow.”

“Luck,” Marcela said. “What do you think everyone that sees us at the beach on New Year’s Eve are gonna think? They’ll see us jumping into the water and into seven ondas.” Marcela laughed. “Unless they know of Brazilian culture, they won’t understand what’s going on.”

Y/N smiled.

“Let’s confuse them.”

“Going into the ocean at midnight and jumping into seven waves for good luck, is nice.” Y/N wrinkled her nose. “If the water just hadn’t been so cold.”

“And we need to jump into the ice-cold waves head-on.”

“But you can make one wish for each wave.” She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s been a while since we got to do that, not a lot of ocean in Notts.”

Marcela smiled. “If only we were in Copacabana.”

“I want to watch the fireworks there so baaad!”

“Instead we’re stuck in Newport.”

“Well,” Y/N said, cocking her head to the side as she caressed a tree when they walked past it. “You decided to come here yourself, I was forced. I’m stuck, you can leave.”

Marcela only bumped Y/N’s shoulder with her own, shaking her head at her before she jogged a bit away. Y/N just continued on walking, thinking that her sister had just found a rock or something else that she wanted to pick up, but after a few metres, she was still not back. Turning around, she saw her sister hunched over something further away than she had seen her last, wiping at something on the ground as if to reveal something hidden beneath the layer of leaves and dirt there. Y/N walked over, feeling as if the forest around them had just gone deadly quiet. Marcela stood as Y/N approached, pointing at something on the ground.

A small cellar hatch. Made out of old wood and painted a ghastly brown colour to blend in with the nature around it. In the 10 or so years the Montes family had owned the Newport cabin, never had Y/N stumbled upon this hatch. It looked aged, as if it had been there for way longer than the cabin had. Or maybe it had been made in a hurry and left just like this, with no one to care for it. Y/N looked over at Marcela who was studying the hatch, bending down again to check it out more closely.

“Do you think anyone lives here?” she asked. The question made Y/N feel oddly cold.

“Would hope not. It’s right next to our cabin.”

“Why would it be here otherwise?”

“Dunno.” Y/N looked around them, the forest looked darker now. “Mari, let’s go back.”

“Y/N, we can’t just leave. We need to check this out,” Marcela said, reaching for the metal handle. “I thought you liked exploring.”

“I do, but… this is creepy.”

“No, it’s not.”

Without warning, Marcela opened the hatch, flipping it over so it rested on the other side, leaving the contents of the cellar visible to them both. Y/N took a small step back, but then took one forward again, wanting to be quick to her sister’s aid in case someone or something jumped out at her. But nothing did.

Instead of seeing a cellar exposed to them right under the hatch, a rather narrow and long tunnel straight downwards showed itself to them instead. A metal ladder ran along one of the walls, reaching a long way down, but the destination was left completely in darkness, making it hard to make out anything but the rotting wooden panels around the ladder and the rusting metal of said ladder. Marcela got her phone out, turning on the flashlight and shining it down the tunnel.

“There’s a room down there,” she said, moving closer, squinting down at the cellar.

“Mari, let’s go.”

“Must be here from the second World War or something.”

Y/N looked around, anticipating someone running up on them.

“I’m going down.”

“What-“ Y/N’s head whipped in her sister’s direction, but before she could even try and stop her, Marcela’s feet were on the rusting ladder. “Marcela, what the fuck are you doing?!”

“I just want to see what’s down here.”

“Which is a terrible idea. Get up.”

However, Marcela had never been one to listen to anyone but herself. She merely rolled her eyes at Y/N before she started her descent, keeping her phone in her mouth so it would shine downward and onto whatever she was about to see. Y/N felt herself both worried stupid and curious. She too wanted to know what was down there as well, but her concern for her sister and what she was doing championed over any curiosity she might have felt.

“Mari, I don’t like this,” Y/N called down, sitting on her knees by the cellar opening, not caring that her trousers would get dirty.

Marcela said something, though Y/N could not hear properly through the phone in her sister’s mouth.

“What?!”

Marcela struggled to get her phone out of her mouth, gaze turned downward as she examined the room underneath her. “I’m down!”

“What is it?”

“A shelter room of sorts.” Marcela let go of the ladder, jumping down into the dirt floor. “There’s a bed, some cabinets.”

“Great, you’ve had a peek,” Y/N called down. “Now get up.”

Marcela stood still for a second, turning around 360 degrees to take in the whole room. She suddenly stopped, eyes landing on something at the other end of the room. She walked toward it, disappearing from Y/N’s view.

“Marcela!” Y/N shouted, but Marcela did not reply, not even when she shouted a second time. “Mari, where are you-“

“-Y/N, oh my days,” Marcela groaned. “Chill out.”

“What was I supposed to do?! You disappeared!”

“I was okay,” Marcela said, grinning up at her sister. Y/N could almost just make out her sister’s teeth. “This is the best hiding place by our cabin, I think.”

“Can you get up here now? I think it’s starting to rain.”

“Fine,” Marcela said, putting her phone back in her mouth as she reached for the lowest rung of the ladder. Wrapping her fingers around the rusting metal, she was ready to pull herself up when she yelped. Next thing Y/N knew, metal clanged against the soil of the cellar and Marcela gasped for air, the flashlight of her phone cast at the ground, drenching the cellar in an unremitting darkness.

“Mari?!”

The only thing Y/N heard was Marcela heaving for dry breaths and shuffling, as if she was trying to find her phone on the floor of the cellar. With shaking hands, Y/N reached for her own phone, and though she was unsure of how much her phone would help, she shone her own flashlight down in the cellar. It gave Marcela just enough light to finally find her phone and shine a light around her. The rusty rung had fallen completely off the ladder, now laying somewhere Y/N could not see.

Marcela stood back up, dusting the dirt off her black tights.

“You okay?!” Y/N shouted.

“Fine.”

But she did not sound fine, and she looked worse as she walked up the ladder, finally making it to the surface. Y/N took a grip of her sister’s jacket, helping her out the last metre.

“You’re fucking mad,” Y/N hissed. “Never do that again.”

“Calm down.” Marcela stood up, Y/N joining her not even a second later. “I’m fine.”

“That cellar is old, Marcela, what were you thinking?! It could’ve collapsed, it-“

“-But I’m fine. It didn’t collapse.” Marcela took a grip of Y/N’s shoulders. “I’ve seen that hatch before, but only when I was on walks alone, I didn’t dare open it up and check what was down there without someone here. Now you were, and I didn’t feel so afraid anymore.”

Y/N clenched her teeth, her heart still hammering awfully fast.

“You make me brave, meu docinho de côco.”

My coconut sweet. The pet name made Y/N halt a bit. It had been years since Marcela had called her that. It’s an old-fashioned Brazilian pet name, one Marcela had started calling Y/N when she was just a baby because she had overheard their avó calling someone that, and so she had adopted it herself. They had countless of home movies filmed on rubbish cameras where five-year-old Marcela sat with baby Y/N in her lap, giving her a kiss to the forehead and repeating “meu docinho de côco” over and over again.

“Let’s go back to the cabin,” Marcela said. “Mum is probably angry we haven’t made our beds yet,” Marcela laughed, but Y/N only managed to smile a tine bit. “Aw, Y/N, I’m fine, really,” she assured her. “If I had died down there, I would’ve let you kill me.”

“Good.”

Marcela only laughed before she turned around and closed the hatch.

Friday, 27 April 2018

Y/N didn’t like being in central London. Though there were people everywhere in the capital, there was something about the never-ending crowds of the City of London that made Y/N detest being there. Tourists would walk in and out of shops, clogging up the streets to look at Google Maps on their phones, and not have a single care in the world for those who lived there and just wanted to get to their final destination.

April was definitely not the worst month, there had been and probably would be far worse months with tourists everywhere, but London was a natural and easy weekend trip for anyone living in Europe, and a nice place to visit for anyone else in the world as well, which resulted in it being a busy city at all times. It was not enough that over 12 million lived in or close to the capital, it sometimes felt like there were just as many tourists visiting the city as there were inhabitants. Today, Y/N ended up walking behind a particularly slow group of Dutch people, she recognised it immediately as they spoke, having heard Annalise speak just like them before. Regardless of that, Y/N just wanted to enter a shop without mowing her way through them. It took her a few minutes until she was able to navigate her way around them, by sprinting past them on the street beside them, making it back onto the pavement in time for a double decker to zoom by.

Finally reaching New Look on Gracechurch Street, Y/N walked on inside, feeling in the humid air outside that it was just about to start raining. With Communion playing in her ears and the voice of Olly Alexander singing about being confused about whether to want love or desire from someone, Y/N took a right as she entered the massive New Look, excited to treat herself to some new clothes.

She had been sitting in the Mile End Library on campus all day. The three essays she needed to finish along with revision for her exam in May was all catching up to her, almost making it impossible to fall asleep at night. She would lay awake, thinking about what she had to do the next day, what she should’ve done today, and the five-hundred things that needed to be done at one time or another. It had been a while since she had spent her time overthinking as much as she was right now. Now that almost none of her mates were in London yet, she spent most of her time by herself, either sitting in the library or a café, always doing uni work and always zoning out when she remembered something else she needed to research or another argument to bring up in another one of her essays. She didn’t like studying all by herself in her room. It felt too quiet. She needed people around her, some kind of sounds, even if that was just a student coughing a few tables down from hers. Even though she was by herself in the flat, at least she wasn’t completely by herself all the time.

Her thinking about uni hadn’t been the only reason it had been hard for her to sleep at night. Even though part of her detested herself for it, she still felt relieved at the thought of Harry arriving later that day. Finally she wouldn’t be alone in the flat, someone else was there with her. Even though she had heard their neighbours talking and moving around in their own flats before, she always woke up or stopped whatever she was doing at the smallest sound, even though part of her knew it was just one of their neighbours. She had never slept in a house completely by herself before. Whenever her parents were away, Marcela would come stay with her, and if she couldn’t, then Nathan would sleep over. Y/N had never been so alone like she was now ever before. It scared her.

Even though she knew nothing would actually happen to her, she knew how to throw a punch and knee someone in the groin so it hurt a little extra, it still felt good knowing Harry would be there now.

Suddenly, she stumbled upon something that had her stopping rather abruptly. A white tee shirt with a black X on it, a pink dragon slithering its way in and around the letter. Y/N absolutely loved it. She could see it going super well with her black pleated skirt, some fishnets, and her Docs. She took it off the rack, studying it a bit closer, she turned the head and hung it over the rack again, pulling it out to check the size of it. It was rather small. She checked the sizing, seeing that it was a medium. Putting it back properly on the rack, Y/N started filtering through the different tee shirts, trying to find one large or X large. After all, she could not deal with it being a slim fit. But she found nothing, they only had it in 2X small, X small, or medium.

“Excuse me,” she said, walking up to someone who looked like they worked in New Look. The employee smiled at Y/N as she approached. “Do you by any chance have this one in extra-large?”

“I’ll go check,” the employee said, walking off rather quickly so she could check and get back as quickly as possible. A few minutes later, Y/N still stood where the employee had left her, but she came back, a little out of breath, shaking her head.

“I’m sorry, we only have it in large or anything under, not extra-large.”

Y/N felt her heart sink, she smiled at the employee anyway. “Thank you for checking.”

“No problem,” she smiled back. “Also… uhm-“ She pointed over her shoulder at the escalator. “-If you’re looking for plus sized items, they’ll be upstairs. We don’t have many extra-large alternatives downstairs.”

Not only had Y/N’s heart sunk to the very bottom of her stomach, now it had just fallen out of her arse and down to the bottom of the universe. Telling herself that the employee only meant well, Y/N nodded, thanking her, and put the tee shirt back on the rack. She walked to the escalator, taking it up and looking at the board for the overview of the different sections of the store. Downstairs was woman’s clothing, first storey was more women’s clothing, men’s clothing, and plus size, while the second storey was shoes, accessories, and changing rooms. That put Y/N off. How come there were more shoes and accessories being offered than plus sized clothing?

She started walking around the first storey, looking for the plus size section. It took a while for her to find it, but when she finally located it, she understood why and didn’t understand at the same time. The section was just as big, if not smaller, than the men’s clothing section, and how could she have not seen it when all the clothes looked the same? Everything looked at something her 50-year-old mother would wear, and though some of the items would look cute on her mother, nothing stood out to Y/N. None of the items were cute. In fact, they rather looked like bin bags with a bit of cleavage and zero tailoring to accentuate a woman’s figure. It just looked like clothes for the sake of wearing clothes, nothing that would stand out in a crowd or make the wearer look cute.

Y/N found a blouse that she was sure her mother would have loved, burgundy with blue flowers on it. However, she stopped dead in her tracks as she saw what was written at the very top of the blouse. Maternity. Quickly, Y/N put it back, looking around her to see if the maternity section was anywhere close to the plus size one. However, upon closer inspection, she realised that the maternity section was just combined with the plus size section. There was no difference. After all, it was all just bigger clothes. Plus size, maternity; did it matter.

Balling her hands into fists, Y/N left the store. She willed herself not to cry, not to lose it, until she reached a less crowded area. As she walked, it was hard for her to formulate how she was feeling. It was hard to put words to what she was going through. Even though she could’ve taken the tube or the bus, Y/N walked home. And in the 40 minutes it took her to reach the flat, she had not come to a conclusion to understand why she was so sad. The words were there, she could read them and see them, but as soon as she reached for them, to admit them to herself and to fully grasp them, they evaporated into grey vapour. She could not say it.

Sunday, 29 April 2018

“You’ve been quiet.”

Y/N tore her eyes away from the raindrops racing down one another on the window beside her. She glanced at Harry behind the steering wheel, his eyes on the road ahead of him, but he must have looked at her to understand that something was wrong. Or… well, he didn’t really have to. Y/N liked to talk, if she was quiet, then something was most likely wrong.

“Have I?” she asked, looking at her hands resting in her lap.

“Yeah, you alright?”

“No, I…” Y/N bit her lips together, feeling something in her throat clog up, as if the words refused to leave her mouth. She didn’t know what those words would even be if she were to speak them. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what’s wrong?”

She leaned her head back against the headrest. “Still working on it.”

“Alright,” Harry said, shifting his grip on the wheel. “Wanna talk? To get your mind off whatever’s bothering you?”

Y/N could feel herself smiling a tad at that. “Yeah.”

“I got the dagger tattoo.”

She looked at Harry. “You did?”

“Yeah, did some of it myself, but some angles were hard to do properly, so Wes helped me out.”

If Harry had only told Y/N earlier, he could have shown her the tattoo while they were still at the flat. Now, instead, they were in Harry’s car, driving down a tiny road that led to the cabin on the outskirts of Newport, Wales. They had been quiet most of the way, Y/N suspected Harry had given her silence so she could think. After all, they were going back to the cabin where her sister had been murdered, if she wanted to stay silent and reflect upon that then she should be allowed to. So, Harry let her be, only occasionally asking questions and making conversation, but for the most part, he just kept quiet, thinking and knowing that was what she really needed.

“You’ll have to show me later,” she said, smiling over at him.

Harry kept his eyes on the road as it went from gravel to dirt, making the drive bumpier than it already had been. Those same big trees rose above them that Y/N remembered from her childhood, keeping the best hiding places and all the world’s secrets. Leaves occupied the trees now working like an impenetrable roof for the forest floor beneath, which explained why the grounds were so brown and not a lush green colour.

“Down here,” Y/N said, her voice sounding faraway. Distant, even.

Harry must have noticed too, but he did not say anything, instead keeping his eyes on the road as it grew narrower. It did not even take a minute for the wooden cabin to show itself. An old Swedish couple had built it in the late 1980s, making it look very Scandinavian and half finished with its brown colour and small square windows. Y/N had not brought a key, knowing that she did not have the guts to enter the cabin just yet. She just needed a look, just needed to check something.

Harry cut the engine as they reached the parking spot Y/N’s papai always used. It was less of a marked-up parking spot and more of a convenient place to park your car. The ground showed of where a car had once stood many times over, and so Harry did the same as Y/N’s papai did. The window into the living room was just to Y/N’s left, and though you could barely make anything out without coming up close to look through it, she kept her eyes trained on the forest in front of her, not daring to even look in the direction of the cabin.

She closed her eyes, finding something that could resemble courage, and let it take over her. As long as she just did this without thinking too much, then she could get through it. She could reflect on what had just happened at a later time. Now, she just needed to get out of the car, and do what she came here to do.

She opened the car door and stepped outside, walking away from the cabin right away to create as much distance between her and the darkest place on planet Earth. Y/N heard her panicked breathing, and realised that if she looked at the cabin one more time, then that courage she had found bottled up inside her would not be enough to keep her on her feet when a panic attack came over her. She heard footsteps behind her and felt Harry’s presence at her side seconds later, his hands in his coat pocket as he looked up at the grey sky above them. It had been hot enough for them to wear tee shirts only yesterday, but now they had to wear jackets in order not to freeze. That was the weather in the United Kingdom for you in a nutshell.

“You alright?” Harry asked, his voice reassuring, but the hand he put at her back eased her more.

She nodded her head.

Harry looked around them at the dark forest that stretched out in all different kinds of directions, then scanning the sky above again. “This looks just as creepy as I would’ve imagined.”

Y/N swallowed, closing her eyes as she tried to calm her racing heart. The mere fact that the cabin was behind her made her want to throw up right then and there. “You think?”

“Yeah,” Harry said. “You loved it here when you were little?”

“I did. It was a safe haven,” Y/N explained, opening her eyes again, facing the exact part of the forest that she wanted to walk down. “It wasn’t this dark before.”

Harry only looked at her, but the next second, Y/N walked away from the cabin, continuing down the path her sister had taken her all those years ago. Harry followed suit, studying the woods around them the trees they walked by, the thick layer of green leaves above them. A crease appeared between his brows, indicating that he was incredibly uncomfortable being here. Somehow, that comforted Y/N.

The two of them walked for a few minutes, Harry not once asking where they were headed or what Y/N wanted to do out here in the forest, only following and trusting that she knew what she was doing. These woods had been her playground when she was little, she knew parts of them as well as she knew the inside of her room home in Nottingham.

Finally, they reached what Y/N had wanted to come to Newport for. When she stopped and bent down, Harry almost fell over his own feet, for some reason not having seen this one coming. He only watched as she dusted dried and dead leaves off the forest floor, revealing the old and wooden hatch. Touching the handle felt strange, as if she were touching part of history. She slowly opened the hatch, revealing the ladder beyond and the darkness of the cellar. Seeing it again brought back the memory of her and Marcela being her together all those years ago, of seeing her sister lose grip of the last rung. Hearing her meet the floor of the cellar with a thud.

Y/N reached for the phone in her pocket, bringing it out and getting her flashlight out, pointing it down at the pitch-black hole. It was just as she remembered.

“What’s that?” Harry asked, taking a careful step towards the hole to get a closer look.

“A cellar of sorts,” Y/N said. “My sister once told me this was the best hiding place near our cabin.”

Harry glanced at Y/N then, knowing what was happening next. Y/N put her phone in her mouth like her sister had done, and then let her feet dangle off the edge of the hole. She gripped the topmost step and planted her feet on one further down.

“Y/N, that’s pure fucking madness,” Harry said. “Get up.”

She took her phone out of her mouth. “Harry, I need to check to see what’s down there. It might be nothing, but this has eaten me alive recently. I need to check.”

Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Alright, but let me go down there first.”

Y/N blinked. However, she did not protest, merely removed her feet from where they were already firmly placed on a step, and let Harry get his own phone out.

“Fuck, it’s dark,” Harry mumbled as he shone a light down in the cellar. “Have you been down there before?”

“No,” Y/N said. “But Marcela has. I suspect she’s been there multiple times.”

“Did the police ever find this place?”

Y/N thought for a second before she raised a shoulder in a shrug. “Dunno. I’ll have to ask mum and pai.”

Harry nodded, putting his phone in his mouth like she had just done. He sat down by the hole and took a grip of the ladder, a curl falling into his forehead as he started on his descent. Y/N watched him as he climbed all the way down, jumping off the ladder and onto the cellar floor with ease. He looked around, scanning the room slowly with his flashlight while Y/N sat by the top, watching like she had watched Marcela.

“The last steps are gone,” Harry called up.

“I know,” Y/N called back before putting her phone in her mouth, telling herself to just fucking do this. She had to do this. For Marcela. Y/N gripped the ladder and started climbing down like she had just watched Harry do, like she had watched Marcela do four years ago. The ladder felt old and rusty under her fingers, making her entire body tense up. She was ready to fall to her death any second, to be the sole reason why her and Harry starved to death in a cellar no one but them knew existed.

Finally, with sweat dotting her forehead and cupid’s bow, she reached the last whole step. But as she was about to put her foot there, she met nothing put air. She squealed a little, holding a little tighter onto the ladder with her hands and other foot.

“Oi,” Harry said, moving closer and putting a hand up. “Easy. I told you the last few steps had fallen off.”

Y/N furrowed her brows.

“Just jump, I’m here,” he said, voice so reassuring and warm that everything felt okay for a single second.

She did as he said, jumping from where she stood. Her feet hit the ground a little to hard, making her wince, but Harry was right there, one hand gripping her arm while the other arm snaked around her waist, holding her upright.

“There we go,” he mumbled, only just then realising that his phone’s flashlight was shining into Y/N’s jacket, making it harder to see the cellar. He took a small step away, letting her regain her footing as she glanced around. It was emptier than she thought it was. A simple wooden bed stood there, but no mattress occupied it, and some cupboards were on the other side of the tiny cellar, though some of the doors hung off their hinges, others looked fine, and some were removed. The walls and floor consisted of compact dirt, and the whole place smelled of rusted iron. Y/N hated it.

“Cosy place, innit,” Harry said, sounding like he meant the quite opposite. “Throw in a disco ball and you could host a rave.”

Y/N almost chuckled, but then her eyes landed on something on the floor beside some of the cupboards. A blue dog bowl. Whether it had been used for water or food, Y/N did not know, but it looked very out of place in such an old and dirty cellar. It had some dirt on it, probably having fallen from the ceiling and down into it over time, but the rather modern, blue dog bowl looked completely out of place. Y/N was certain this had not been here when Marcela was down there, or she would have told Y/N about it right away, even picked it up to show her.

What kind of sick human being had left a dog down in this cellar to die? Though it was dirty, the bowl did not seem to have been used. Maybe the dog had been given a last bowl of water before the owner just left it there to rot.

“What’s that doing here?” Harry asked, looking at the bowl over Y/N’s shoulder. He took it from her hands to examine it further, turning it over in his hand. “Strathy.”

Y/N blinked. “What?”

“Strathy.” He turned the bowl, showing Y/N the name that was written on it in neat handwriting. “The dog’s name.”

“Strathy,” she mumbled under her breath, feeling an immense sort of sadness take over her. She might not like animals much, but even she saw how wrong this was.

Harry grimaced, clearly feeling absolutely disgusted with this as well. After all, his dad took care of dogs at a dog hotel in Buckinghamshire. He had a rather special bond with the animal, Y/N supposed.

“Who just leaves a dog bowl down here?” she asked aloud, not expecting Harry to answer.

He frowned at it, giving it back to her so she could look at it. “Doesn’t make sense.”

Y/N turned around, looking at the ladder. And it was as Harry had said, the last two steps were gone, laying in pieces on the floor beneath the hole. “No, it doesn’t.”

Harry glanced over at where Y/N was looking, furrowing his brows. “Your sister said this was the best hiding place by your cabin?”

“Yeah, in December before the year she was killed,” Y/N said. “No one would find you if you hid here.”

Harry looked at Y/N as she looked at him. “Then why did someone else, someone who clearly came here after you and your sister did in December, know about this cellar?”

Y/N felt sick. “They must have known the grounds pretty well to know this was here.”

Harry only nodded, eyes falling to the dog bowl in Y/N’s hand. She glanced at the ladder again, feeling confused and furious at the same time. Who had been here after her and her sister had?

Wednesday, 2 May 2018

Even though Y/N’s door was open, Harry still knocked on the doorframe, looking in through the small slit in the door to check if it was alright with her if he entered.

“Disturbing my peace and quiet,” she said jokingly, putting a few folded tops in her suitcase to bring with her home for the summer.

“Thought you would appreciate the sight of the biggest hunk on the British Isles,” Harry grinned, opening the door and leaning a shoulder against the doorframe. “Give you some inspiration. Some motivation, even.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, Harry chuckling at the sigh as she put some more clothes in her suitcase. The room fell back into silence as Harry gave her some breathing space, obviously thinking that she did not appreciate him blocking her in any way when she was packing. She was not packing her entire room, after all she was coming back in September, but most of her clothes were in London and she wanted to take them home with her so she could wear them there. They were of no use just laying in her dresser in Hackney.

“How’d the exam go?” Harry asked.

She looked up at him, taking in his simple outfit. A loose buttoned-up shirt in a nice cream colour was tucked into dark brown trousers, his feet bare and his skin already glowing with an oncoming tan. So, he had spent most of the day outside. The tan would look nice against his tattoos. Y/N’s eyes fell to Harry’s tattoos, the ones on his knuckles in Greek that she still did not know the meaning behind, and then the barbed wire, making him look more badass than Y/N knew him to be. He now had a fern just below the dagger he had taken in April and a leaf on his pinky finger just below the barbed wire. At this rate, Harry would be covered in tattoos by the end of the year.

“New ink,” Y/N noted.

The right side of his lips tipped upward as he looked down at his arms and hands. “Yes.”

“You’re just taking advantage of the fact that you know how to use a tattoo gun.”

Harry chuckled. “Someone should take it away from me.”

“Truly.”

“I’m scared that I’ll, like, come up with cooler tattoo ideas later on, but then I’ve already filled up the spot where it’d look best.”

Y/N tilted her head at him. “Then you should slow down the tattooing.”

“Nah, can’t do that, love.”

She only rolled her eyes again, sitting down on top of the suitcase so she could close it and pull the zipper shut properly.

“You didn’t answer me earlier,” Harry asked, walking inside and sitting down on Y/N’s bed. “How’d your exam go?”

Y/N sighed, resting her chin in her hand as she glanced over at him. “Alright. We had an hour to, like, answer the two questions, one short answer and then a short essay. I was about halfway through my essay when I realised I only had ten minutes left.”

Harry grimaced.

“So, I just had to write until my wrist and hand ached, and was about to start writing the conclusion when we had to hand the papers over. I think Isla wrote way more than I did, dunno how she managed that.”

“How many pages did you get in?”

“About 12.”

Harry just stared at her. “And Isla got more down?”

“I think closer to 20.”

“20 handwritten pages in an hour?!” Harry said, sounding absolutely bewildered.

“She’s a machine that one.”

“Obviously.”

Y/N nodded, getting up from her suitcase and walking across her bed to get to the windows. She closed them both firmly, pulling the white heart pointelle cami top further down her torso, though it was supposed to just reach her belly button. Thankfully, her black tights reached just a little bit further up, keeping any more of Y/N’s skin to be exposed than what she wanted.

“Okay,” she said, sitting down beside him in bed again. “I want to be sure you’ve actually gotten better.”

“Understandable,” Harry retorted, nodding slightly.

“So, I don’t want to do too much just yet.”

He stopped for a second. “What does that mean?”

“That I want to just make out and get a feel of where you’re at. I think sex comes when we’re both turning each other on to the point where it’s actually going to be enjoyable. When I’m wet enough and you’re hard enough.”

Harry tried not to smile, but Y/N could tell he wanted to flash her a smirk. “I can assure you, you can make me do anything, and I’d be hard on the fucking spot.”

Y/N’s chest felt warm, and within seconds, her cheeks were approximately around the same temperature as the sun’s surface. There was something so very sweet about that, yet incredibly hot. She looked away from him, trying to act unbothered as she tried to find her words again, but by the slight chuckle emanating from Harry’s lips, Y/N knew he saw right through her act.

“What I’m trying to say is that I just want us to get familiar with the other’s body. Foreplay isn’t just about touching someone; it’s about touching someone. Feel their crotch, slide your hand under their clothes, grinding against them to the point of torture sometimes. That’s when the best sex happens.”

Harry nodded. “Take it you’re a big fan of foreplay.”

“The biggest.”

“Feel like I’m in good hands, then.”

“Figuratively and literally.”

He smiled.

“If you matched me on Tinder, and we were about to shag-“

“-I actually don’t think I’ve ever been on Tinder.”

Y/N blinked. “That’s not a flex.”

“Have you?”

“Yes,” she said. “I’ve got the app on my phone.”

“Wicked, you’ve got to show me then.”

She smiled, inhaling slowly. “I will. But first, let’s-“

However, fantastically, Harry took Y/N’s face in his hands and brought her to him. Before Y/N managed to finish her statement, they were kissing. The familiar feeling of Harry’s lips on hers made her previously tense shoulders relax considerably, making her involuntarily moan onto his lips. Harry kissed her more fiercely at the sound, moving closer so it would be easier for him to wrap his arms around her. She fell back onto the bed, crawling backward, and Harry crawled after her, settling himself so easily between her legs that it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

The ease at which they were doing this felt reassuring, like a good hug after a stressful day. She trusted that Harry knew what he was supposed to do, that he remembered from last time. And oh, did he remember.

She felt his hand slide down her front, laying the smallest amount of pressure on her breast, and Y/N realised with a suddenness that almost made her gasp; Harry was trying to tease her. His fingers slid over her, never laying his entire palm down against besides that grip of her boob, but besides that, he was touching her as lightly as possible, leaving Y/N’s body aching in its waking.

“Where’d you learn that?” she asked between kisses.

“What?”

“The teasing.”

She felt him grin against her. “Do you really want me to tell you?”

“Surprisingly enough.”

He chuckled. “Well,” he trailed off, looking down at the duvet beside her face. “The internet.”

Y/N felt herself halt a bit, looking at Harry as he refused to still meet her eyes. “You’ve been searching around?”

“About sex, yes.”

The corners of her mouth lifted. “Really?”

“How many times do you want me to admit it?”

She giggled. “Harry, it’s not something to be embarrassed about.”

“I think it is.”

“No, it just shows how dedicated you are to this. Which is anything but embarrassing.” She tried to catch his eyes. “It’s actually rather sweet.”

He met her gaze then, staring at her for a long while as if he could not quite believe what she had just told him. “You think?”

“You think I would’ve said it if I thought otherwise?”

Harry chuckled. “True.”

She smiled, arching her back a little so her tits were pressed against his chest. Harry bit his bottom lip, looking down at her front as she lowered herself down onto the mattress again. Raising her eyebrows, she watched as Harry took in her tits again, looking over at her with anticipation etched into his irises.

“I’m trying to silently tell you to kiss me again,” she said.

“Oh!” Harry exclaimed, bending down over her again. “Right.”

“Other’s might not do that, they might tell you, or maybe even expect you to do so. So, try and decipher what that person needs, what they want.” She settled herself into her duvet cover, Harry sinking further in between her legs as she wriggled her hips ever so slightly. His lips parted, both plump and swollen from kissing.

“What do I do if they don’t say anything?” Harry asked, lips hovering above hers. God, how she just wanted him to kiss her.

“Communicate. You can’t expect someone to know you and your needs right off the bat, people are different.”

“Right,” Harry said, sliding his nose against hers.

“And now I would really like it if you kissed me,” Y/N whispered against Harry’s lips, making Harry grip onto the duvet cover above Y/N’s head. Fiercely, he pressed his lips against her, slowly sliding his tongue into her mouth, making all kinds of shivers run up and down her body. Even after just one time, Harry knew certain buttons of hers that he had to push in order to get a reaction out of her. She wondered how long Harry had gone out with his previous partners for them to give up on him so quickly. If they had just shown him what they liked, if they had just explored, then Harry would have been a decent lover. He was so incredibly willing to learn new things that it was almost ridiculous. How had they just broken things off like that? If they had just been a little more patient, then Harry would have genuinely surprised them.

On the other hand, he had not actually showed her how bad he was in bed, like he was making it out to be, which could truly be the game changer.

Regardless, in that second, Y/N did not care about Harry’s skills in bed, instead she focused on how they worked outside the context of sex. They were just making out now, just checking each other out, trying to think about various ways to touch the other in order to turn them on.

One of Harry’s hands rested at Y/N’s knee, bringing it further up her chest so he could get a bit better access. She moaned as she felt his already hardening erection against her, instant wetness pooling between her legs. Her grip on his shirt tightened and she felt her nails dig into his skin under his shirt, urging him to continue doing what he was doing. Just like she had shown him last time, Harry grinded against her, doing it slowly and rubbing himself very deliberately against her for his own pleasure, but also trying to make sure she enjoyed it. The desire that ran up her spine was undeniable, making all hair on her body stand on end. His hardness grinded against her wetness again, the both of them moaning at the same time, losing themselves completely in one another.

Harry’s hand ran down Y/N’s thigh, coming to rest at her belly, slowly making its way to her very centre. She felt a yearning so intense it had to radiate off of her, engulfing her and Harry. Halting a bit, Harry’s fingers seemed to retract a bit, unsure if this was somewhere Y/N did not want him to venture or it if was encouraged. Instead of asking her, like she emboldened him to do multiple times, he traced the same path back up her belly, going to grab her breast again.

Y/N made a noise of protest, taking Harry’s wrist in her hand. She could feel Harry’s eyelashes flutter open against her own, and she opened her own eyes, detaching their lips. Slowly, she slid his hand down the way it had just come, making him lay as little pressure on her as he slid his hand down in order to tease as much as possible. Personally, she hated when someone would tease her because it only made her want sex even more than she already did, making her hungrier and more desperate than she would like, but it also made for the best shags. Teasing and dragging out, being needy for one another, was what created the best action when you finally had sex.

As they were just above her centre, she led his hand to her inner thigh, urging his fingers to trace along the skin of one of her most delicate places. Harry looked down between them, eager to follow along with what she did in any way he could. With care and maybe a little too much roughness, she made him grab her, at once showing how he would cherish her but at the same time make her squirm for more when the time came. Though Y/N was doing it herself, it was Harry’s hand that touched her, that made her entire body vibrate with expectancy. She bit her bottom lip, eyes not wavering from his face.

Slowly, his pinky came into contact with her centre, then his ring finger, middle, index, and lastly, his thumb. Each felt like a firework, reverberating through Y/N’s body and lighting her core on fire. It had been a while since someone had touched her with so much consideration, so patiently. Harry’s eagerness to please her, even though she was the one that showed him how to touch her, made her even hotter for him, if that was possible. With ease, she put her hand over his, putting extra pressure on his hand now and a little extra on his middle finger, she dragged his hand over her covered up cunt. A small gasp left her lips, eyelashes fluttering slightly. Harry looked up at her instantly, lips parting as his eyes scanned her face, ready to take in each one of her features when she laid under him like this. She did it again, this time putting a little more pressure at the very top of her centre, making a spark flood from her clit and out to the very tips of her fingers. This made her moan, involuntarily arching her back just a little at the sudden flash.

“Now you go,” she whispered, their eyes not wavering from one another.

Harry nodded, looking down between them at where his hand rested in her like that and then her removing his hand, letting him either mimic her moves or do something different. He watched his hand at first as it slid over her, putting that extra amount of pressure at her bud, making her gasp for breath. His eyes landed on her face again, eyes intent on her as he did it again, this time inhaling sharply as she moaned under him, of his doing.

“Just like that,” she encouraged, voice half moan and half mumble.

Harry did it again, earning the same reaction from her, his breath coming out all shaky, as if he could not quite believe he had this effect on her.

“You look bewildered,” Y/N said, trying not to laugh.

“I always thought that touching someone like that would be a little much too soon. Would you not rather I touched your cunt when we’re naked and about to have sex?”

“Yes, of course,” Y/N said, regaining her breath. “But you’re showing me what you’ll do to me when we actually get naked. Teasing can be pure torture, but it’s what makes the reward so much better when we actually fuck.”

Harry nodded, his already red cheeks reddening considerably. “Alright.”

Y/N smiled. “What?”

“I guess I… I’m not used to being…” Harry sighed, looking away from her and at his hand fisted in the sheets. “It’s vulgar.”

“What?” She raised her eyebrows at him. “Touching me?”

“No, touching like that. Grabbing someone through their clothes, touching your cunt like that.”

Y/N smiled again. “I can tell by the way you’re whispering the word that you’re uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable, it’s just a new way of having sex, I guess.” Harry blinked. “Also, what word do I whisper?”

“Cunt.”

“Oh.” Harry met her eyes again. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

“It’s… vulgar.”

“It’s dirty,” Y/N said. “Not my cunt,-“ Harry laughed at that. “-but the word. Saying it, especially in this setting, is hot.”

“You like dirty talk?”

“When it’s done right. When it’s not, it can really ruin whatever’s going on.”

“Oh, right,” Harry said, nodding slightly. “There’s a balance.”

“Exactly,” Y/N smiled. “Annalise told me about this time she had sex with an American, like proper southern American.”

Harry chuckled a little at just that.

“And they were in doggy, so she asked him to grab her hair, and-“

“-Do you like that?” Harry asked rather quickly, as if the question had occurred to him on the spot and he had been unable to stop himself from asking.

“What, having my hair pulled?”

Harry nodded.

“Dunno, haven’t really tried it.”

Harry smirked, and Y/N could already see what he was thinking. She only rolled her eyes and continued on with the story, the bulge of Harry’s trousers pressing against Y/N’s centre.

“Anyway, she asked him to pull her hair, and if you, like, grab it with one hand, that’s hot and feels good, but if you grab it with two, if feels more like you’re trying to ride a horse.”

Harry chuckled.

“And while this man was holding Annalise’s hair with both hands, he just said ‘Easy, girl’ and this southern accent, and it sounded fully like he was trying to calm a horse down.” Y/N suspected that Harry was laughing more at Y/N’s attempt at a southern American accent than the actual story, but seeing him howling on top of her, burying his face in her neck to laugh some more there, made it impossible for her to even finish the story. They laid like that for a little while, just laughing and bathing in each other’s presence. It took a while for them to look at one another again, smiling when they remembered how ridiculous Y/N had sounded and how this all happened in the middle of a rather heated moment.

“Okay, let’s move on,” she said, making Harry chuckle some more.

“Right, what’s next?”

Y/N pushed him off her and down onto the bed beside her, quickly straddling him. She leaned down, kissing him hard, having missed the feel of his lips in the few seconds they hadn’t been touching hers. Harry’s hands fell to her bum, pushing her down onto his hard cock, Y/N instantly reacting by letting go of a small groan. He knew what to do now, how to handle her with care, but also make sure to let her know who was in control. Well, kind of, anyway. She was certainly the one with the most control out of the two of them.

She started grinding against him, sliding her hot core over his erection, a shock of pleasure running up to her chest, heating up her entire body. Harry must have felt something similar because he moaned into her mouth, his grip on her arse hardening along with his cock. She did just that again and again, feeling him become more desperate under her, grabbing onto her thighs and arse, one hand holding onto her neck to keep her lips on him. She felt herself get more needy as well, suddenly wanting to feel that release she had told the both of them that they would not be chasing today. However, when she was this wet and he was this hard, both of them clawing, gripping, and moaning at each other, it was very hard to remember what they had agreed upon earlier.

“Do you want to be in control?” she mumbled against his lips, a shaky breath leaving Harry’s lips.

“Show me how,” he said, panting just like she was.

She took his hands, putting them above Harry’s head. “Keep them there,” she said. “Don’t move.”

“What happens if I do?”

“I’ll have to punish you.”

A breath left Harry’s lips; his eyes filled with lust as he looked up at her. He only nodded, looking absolutely entranced by her. Y/N pressed a kiss to Harry’s jaw, then another one to his neck, then the front of his collarbone, feeling him squirm beneath her as she did. The need to have his hands on her, to make her grind against him to feel something, was clearly an instinct that was hard for him to fight.

“Lay still,” she urged him as her hands found the collar of his shirt, fingers sliding over his exposed skin until they came into contact with the button that kept his beautiful chest from being bare.

Slowly, she unbuttoned his shirt. She kissed down his now exposed chest, making her way down his torso until she was by his navel. Untucking the shirt, she undid the last button before pushing the fabric to each side, baring his chest to her. The red dragon on his right back and the black on his left were finally right there. The tattoos she had been thinking about for so long now, finally right in front of her. She made her way up to them, tracing her finger from the head of the red dragon that almost reached Harry’s collarbone and down in a circle and some waves before reaching the tail that ended up right beside his nipple. The black one did only slither to create one wave along its long and slim figure, but its wings were bigger, almost reaching Harry’s left shoulder, while the pointy tail came to rest just beside his nipple. Y/N could not explain how attractive she found his tattoos, especially these ones. Harry must have the exact same taste in tattoos as her, something that made her very happy about their little deal.

When she settled over his crotch again, his erection was even more prominent than before, the hardness feeling absolutely fantastic against her warm cunt. She put her hands on his knees behind her, slowly beginning to grind against Harry again. He craned his neck, lips parting as some slight release washed over the both of them. Dutifully, his hands still laid above his head where she had left them, where she hard ordered him to keep them. The sight of him displayed like that, all hers and trembling underneath her while she teased him, was maybe one of the hottest sights she had ever laid her eyes upon.

He looked up at her, eyes wild and bottom lip all dark pink from him having bitten it so hard while she had kissed her way down his chest. Their eyes locked, and Y/N could tell Harry wanted to grab her, to hold her to some extent. She recognised now that Harry liked holding her when they were like this. If they were getting things going, it seemed out of the question if he was not touching her to some extent.

Which must have been why he finally snapped, sitting up and taking a grip of her waist. Y/N exhaled sharply when Harry turned them around, making her back come into contact with the mattress again. Harry held onto her knee again before letting his hand trail up her side, the other one taking her hand in his, resting their intwined fingers above Y/N’s head as they started kissing again. Finally between her legs again, Harry started sliding over her again, this time his movements had a little more force behind them. She felt it in her toes, the heat in her core growing with each stroke. Bloody hell, she just wanted to fuck him right then. Harry had truly proven to her that he knew how foreplay worked, how incredibly important it was. Though he was the most impatient person she knew, he truly seemed to be enjoying himself when they teased each other like this.

Maybe, like her, he enjoyed the power it brought. You truly felt so powerful, so potent, so paramount, when you could make someone tremble at your touch.

Harry’s movements grew more frantic, his hands grabbing at her harder, and she felt her own nails dig into his flesh, begging him for more. Suddenly, without much warning, Harry got up from between her legs, and then made her turn over so she was on her stomach. This took Y/N completely off guard, but she welcomed the change, welcomed him trying something new and taking control. After all, that was what he wanted to learn how to do, how to become confident enough to order someone around in bed without thinking he was disrespecting them and their bodies.

Harry came to rest on top of her, his hand sliding from the rolls at her sides and up to her shoulder where he slowly traced his way to her neck. There, he took a light grip of her, bending down so that they could both feel his erection between her arse cheeks. Y/N closed her eyes at the sensation, feeling a very welcome chill run up her spine out of pure excitement. He stayed there, kissing her shoulder, her neck, breathing against her skin and making Y/N hyper aware of each one of his movements.

Because he remained immobile, she arched her back and lifted her bum ever so slightly off the bed. She pushed herself against him, then move her arse against him, wanting to feel some kind of friction even though it was barely existent on her part. Harry drew in a sharp breath and moaned instantly, holding onto Y/N’s neck with one hand while the other held him upright on the mattress. She continued to move over him and Harry grinded against her. Harry’s breaths came out quicker, slight whimpers leaving his swollen lips, vibrating against Y/N’s skin. It had certainly not been the point, but as Y/N understood what was going to happen, she just continued to rub herself against him, and Harry did the same.

His grip on her loosened and he put his hands on either side of her hips, moaning and panting and whimpering as he grinded against her. Suddenly, he jerked, and he gripped Y/N’s hips tight, trying to move against her, but he only managed to move in jagged motions. He came as Y/N slid her bum over him, feeling his cock move with each squirt inside his boxer, pulsating against the fabric; against her. Harry stayed like that over Y/N, and when she looked over her shoulder, it looked like he did not know what has just happened. After all, they weren’t supposed to do anything, really. They were just supposed to make out. And yet…

“In an ideal situation,” Y/N said. “You start having sex before that happens.”

Harry met her eyes, laughing loudly along with her. He fell down onto the bed beside her and she turned to lay on her back as well, both just looking up at the ceiling of Y/N’s bedroom.

“Note to self,” Harry said, still coming down from what had just happened, panting slightly. “Don’t come during foreplay.”

Y/N laughed, and Harry looked at her with the biggest grin on his face. “Add that to the list of everything else I’ve taught you, and you’ll be good for when we have sex.”

Harry chuckled, looking up at the ceiling again. “Tattoo appointment when we get back in September, then?”

She nodded, sitting up in bed. “Yeah, it’ll give me enough time to think about what I want tattooed.”

Harry sat up as well. “Imagine I’ll have a few more tattoos as well.”

“You’ll be working at Asgard this summer?”

“Yeah,” Harry said. “I’ll just either live here or at my mum’s, visit my dad a bit.” He shrugged. “But I have a tattoo gun so I’ll just do it at home, don’t need to be there unless I want some ink a place I can’t reach properly myself.”

Y/N’s heart stopped a little. “You have a tattoo machine here?”

Harry studied her face, a small grin appearing over his face. “Yeah. Your fanny fluttering at the thought?”

She slapped him across his still exposed chest; Harry laughed. “You know what, just leave. I need to finish packing.”

Harry grinned, getting up from the bed as he started buttoning up his shirt again, looking around Y/N’s room as he made his way for the door. “Will you miss London while you’re away?”

Y/N glanced around at her room, taking in the four walls she had spent so much time within during her first year of University. It did not seem real that she would be in Nottingham over the next four months, that she would go back to living with her parents for the time being until uni started back up again in September. Her first year had gone by so quickly, it did not seem real that it was coming to a close. She could not believe that it had almost been a year since she moved to London, since she med Chloe, Thian, Hayden, and Annalise, since she started working at Domino’s. It at once felt like ages ago, yet it also felt like it all happened last month. She remembered everything in vivid detail, and knew she would probably remember her uni years that clearly for eternity. So far, it had been the best time of her life.

She nodded her head, looking back over at Harry again. “I’ll miss it. But I’ll be back in September to pester you another year.”

Harry grinned. “Good, almost thought you would stop bullying me by the time we get back.”

“No, don’t you worry,” she said, smiling. “The bullying won’t stop for the world.”

Harry tucked his hands into his trouser pockets, whipping a curl out of his face as he said, “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Friday, 17 May 2018

“Happy birthday!” Hayden screamed when Y/N answered their FaceTime call, their hands over their head and their short hair an absolute mess. They dropped their phone onto their bed, only to appear a second later with a red party hat on their head, waving it in front of the camera.

Y/N laughed. “Thanks, mate.”

“What’re you up to today?” Hayden asked, leaning back against their headrest.

“Well, since I’ve already been awake three hours, I have been up to quite a lot, actually.”

It was Hayden’s turn to laugh now. “What’s that then?”

“Pai and I made some pão na chapa, which is essentially skillet toasted French bread rolls, for breakfast, nothing extravagant. Then we went to pick up a cake that mum’s had made for the occasion, and then mum took me shopping for some new clothes. Just got home,” Y/N explained. “But we’re having a big lunch later with our entire family and we’ll serve a big dinner then.”

“Sounds like a very you birthday.”

“Good thing it’s my birthday, then.”

Hayden laughed, leaning their head back against the wall and forgetting about their birthday hat, making the string snap off their chin and the hat fall off their head. Y/N chuckled as she sat down in her bed as well, looking over at her window to see if it was closed or not. Her papai must have opened it while her and her mum were out shopping. Y/N quickly walked over to close it, but then a breeze came in through the small slit, cooling her down in what had already been the starts to a very hot mid-May day. She left it open.

“I wanted to ask you about something,” Hayden said, throwing the party hat away somewhere in their room.

“Yeah?”

“What do you want for your birthday? Like, is there a specific birthday present you’d want from say…” They shrugged. “Me, Thian, Annalise, and Chloe.”

Y/N smiled. “You’re getting me a birthday present, are you?”

“Of course!” Hayden said, sounding shocked. “You’re our mate! Now, what do you want? It can be anything.”

“Anything?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm.” Y/N thought for a second, sitting back down on her bed. “Maybe like concert tickets, but not expensive ones for like a popular band. Maybe for a more lowkey one, one where tickets aren’t super expensive, and we can all go.”

Hayden nodded. “That sounds like so much fun, though. Just the gang, and your flat, of course.”

Y/N smiled. Someone shouted something in the back of Hayden’s end of the call, making them groan loudly before rolling their eyes.

“Right, my mum needs me to come downstairs. But,” Hayden said, getting out of bed, stepping on the party hat and crushing it under their weight. A stream of curse words left their lips before they bent down to retrieve it, showing it to Y/N before throwing it away in the bin. “We’ll bake a cake when we see each other this summer, okay?”

Y/N’s smile widened. “I’d love that.”

“Good, ‘cause we’re baking a cake when we see each other this summer.”

Y/N giggled. “Your mum gonna kill you or something?”

“Think she’s just realised I’ve raided the cupboard of Digestives.”

Y/N laughed.

“I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” Hayden smiled, waving at the screen.

“Yeah, yeah,” Y/N said. “Hope you survive your mum’s wrath.”

“Doubt it.”

Y/N smiled, waving at the screen before they both hung up. A knock sounded at Y/N’s door a second later and then her mother walked into her room, smiling at her. She held a white envelope in her hand, holding it out for Y/N to take.

“You’ve got post, my dove.”

Y/N halted a little, unsure of who could possibly want to contact her through post. Lottie walked back out the door, leaving it open as she walked back downstairs, Davi’s singing sounding from the kitchen as he prepared everything for lunch. Y/N sat back down in her bed, studying the envelope in her hands closely. She thought she recognised the handwriting at the front of the envelope that spelled out her full name and her Nottingham address under it rather perfectly. As she turned the letter around to see the return address on the flap of the envelope, she realised why.

13 Dovecote Close, Princes Risborough, Buckinghamshire, HP27 9JU. Harry E. Styles.

She bit her lips together, already feeling the oncoming grin tugging at the edges of her lips. She should not have put it past Harry to do something for her birthday, this was just like him, to go out of his way and send her something in the post rather than just give it to her while they were both still under the same roof the week previous. Y/N opened it, peeking inside to see two different notes, reminding her an awful lot of the ones she slid under his door to set up a time for their little sessions. She reached in, pulling one of the two out.

Happy birthday, Y/N. Turn this around to see what I think your next tattoo should be.

She did, only to find herself laughing instantly. A heart was drawn on the other side, ‘Harry’ written in magnificent handwriting inside it. She let her finger trace the letters, imagining how smug Harry would have looked drawing this, knowing exactly the kind of reaction he would conjure up out of her. Chuckling still, she reached into the envelope and pulled out the second and last note.

And here’s something I actually think you would like.

Turning this one around, she found a drawing that took her breath away instantly. With black wings spread wide, almost glittering in the light that was supposed to shine on them, a crow was drawn in vivid detail on the other side. It looked strong, terrifying, even, staring straight back at her with an intensity and intellect only crows managed, as if they knew all your secrets and weren’t afraid to tell them to the wind, letting them carry through the world. Y/N ran a finger over the crow, feeling very overwhelmed all of a sudden. She had not expected him to draw something for her that he thought she would like tattooed on her body forever, yet here he was. It was the most beautiful thing Y/N had ever seen, and she wondered what had made him draw it.

Y/N awoke gradually, suddenly realising with slow efficiency that she was awake. Her room was draped in complete darkness, the streetlamp outside her window having been turned off for the night. Her eyes focused on her door for no particular reason, zoning in and out of what was going on, part of her thinking it was a dream while the other told her she was awake. Once she realised this was indeed reality, she tried closing her eyes again, readjusting the placement of her head against her pillow, tucking the duvet up to her skin.

A car drove by. Y/N’s eyes shot open. The car sounded closer, as if she had just stood outside, and she quickly realised why that was. Y/N had not slept with her window open since before Marcela disappeared, not in this house. Preferring to keep it closed, it felt safer that way. No spirits, no people, nothing, could sneak in through a closed window.

But as she heard footsteps outside, as if someone was walking hurriedly by her house, Y/N knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that her window was open. Wide open. It had not been that open since the night before Marcela was declared murdered. Grabbing onto her duvet, Y/N looked in the direction of the window only to confirm what she had been thinking. There her window was, the blinds open, open to let all the air, everything, inside. She wanted to get out of bed and close it, but her legs were locked to her bed, her limbs felt too heavy, too unsteady, for her to walk on right now. She had to calm down, blame it on her not closing her window earlier that day after talking to Hayden. That was it. It was the draught.

If she could just reach for her phone, she could call her mother and ask her to come into her room and close the door. Maybe she could check under her bed as well to make sure no one had gotten into her room in the time the window had been wide open. Y/N’s room was on the first storey, so it would be difficult to get in through her window, but she was also paranoid beyond belief.

Out of the corner of her eye, Y/N saw movement. A stupid sense of relief washed over Y/N, thinking that maybe Lottie had come to check up on her. But no, it was not her mum. Averting her eyes from the window, Y/N looked to the end of her bed, feeling her heart stop beating. Her body lay still for a few seconds until she suddenly started shaking. It was not violently, but uncontrollable. She gripped into her duvet even harder, telling herself over and over again that this was not real.

Not real. Not real. Not real. This is just a dream; you are just having a nightmare. Close your eyes. Go back to sleep.

And Y/N tried. She closed her eyes, telling herself that this was just a figment of her idiotic imagination. Whatever she had just seen was not real, it couldn’t be. However, falling asleep when you had just seen your dead sister standing at the foot of your bed was hard.

Y/N opened her eyes, feeling a small whimper leave her lips out of pure fear. Even though she could barely see without her glasses, she still saw that. Marcela looked at Y/N with an eerie sort of passiveness, eyes resting emotionlessly on her younger sister as she shook with fear in her bed. The only way Y/N could tell it was her sister was by the slight light that came naturally from the night beyond, only illuminating half of her dead sister’s form. She did not look dead. In fact, her sister had to be a hallucination. She looked like Marcela, yet she did not. It was strange, almost devilish. She wore the exact same outfit as the last time Y/N had seen her, a floral dress and her denim jacket. A tiny smile rested on her lips, but not one Y/N had ever seen before. There was absolutely zero joy behind it. It rather looked like she was smiling for the sake of smiling. As if to ease the nerves of a terrified deer before she attacked to devour every last bit of her prey.

“M-Mari?” Y/N croaked, still unable to move.

Marcela only cocked her head to the side, still smiling that bizarre smile, making her face appear uncanny. Slowly, she raised her left hand. Y/N felt herself shrink behind her duvet. Marcela’s eyes fell onto her wrist, and when Y/N looked, she felt herself draw in a shaky breath. Marcela looked up at Y/N again, that uncanny smile still lingering on her lips as her hand fall to her side again. Slowly, Marcela walked backward towards Y/N’s door, opening it just barely. Moving out of the light of the open window, Marcela looked like a ghost. Black like complete darkness, moving unseen and transparent towards the door. Keeping her eyes on Y/N the entire way, she stepped outside. The door closed just as gradually as Marcela had walked, barely audible as it clicked into place.

Though she was trembling, Y/N removed her duvet, put her glasses on, and shakily made her way towards her door. She walked around the spot the hallucination of Marcela had just been standing, refusing to be near it. Carefully, she laid a hand on her door handle, it felt cool to the touch. As if no one had touched it a mere minute ago. Or that person had been very cold. Slowly, she opened the door, looking out into the hallway beyond. No one was there. Not a trace, not a sound.

Y/N had a hard time falling asleep, and when she woke up at 6 the next morning, it barely felt like she had gotten any rest at all. However, she wasted no time. She got dressed as quickly as she could, put some contacts in, and sent a text to her parents that she was out and about. With some breakfast in hand, Y/N drove as fast as she could. There weren’t too many out driving now, but she knew that she would be spending a lot of times in queues the closer she got to the capital. She zoomed down the motorway, not paying any attention to anything but the road ahead. Whenever she went on drives like this, she would need to have some of her own music playing in the background so she could jam out. Music could wait right now, because there was something she needed to check. Something that could simply not wait.

Once she reached the outskirts of London, the traffic was horrendous, making Y/N bite her nails as anxiety and stress started eating at every single one of her limbs. Though it took a decent amount of time to get into London by normal standards, Y/N still felt like that hour and some was the longest of her life. When she finally reached Hackney, Y/N felt her anxiety ebb just slight away. Driving in London was ridiculous, but at least she knew the streets near her well and could take some small and less busy shortcuts.

On Orsman Road, Y/N jumped out of her car and ran for the flat building’s front door. Then, after unlocking it, ran for her flat, and unlocked that front door too before sprinting for her room. The entire flat was empty, no one but her were there, which almost made it wrong for her to be there, it felt like. This was supposed to be a place she shared with Harry, Nathan, and Mason. Not someplace to run through, anxiety high, pulse higher, to get to her room as fast as possible.

She burst through her door and looked at her desk, trying to calm her breathing down as the sight in front of her dawned on her. With clammy hands, she rubbed at her eyes, maybe that would help her see more clearly. But it made no difference. She walked over to her desk then, throwing the books on her bed and putting the mug filled with pens on her dresser as she searched everywhere. But it was of no use. None at all. The watch was gone.

This is what I imagine Harry’s crow painting to look like btw!

NEXT UPDATE: Sunday, 23rd May, 9PM GMT!

Huge thanks to my AMAZING beta readers! 🏛️ @aileenacoustic​ 🏛️ @devil-in-bw-the-sheets​ 🏛️ @fromyourstrulyh​​  🏛️

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[lacharcutiere]

still [sawamura daichi]

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part eight of i’m gone i’m gone i’m gone miniseries. you can only put these things off for so long.

JST: japanese standard time (GMT +9). EST: eastern standard time (GMT -5). EDT: eastern daylight time (GMT -4).

tings // fluff, a little bit of angst, kinda suggestive at the end ?? // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend's pussy - cøzybøy // dm, ask or comment to be added to taglist ! minors dni.

☾����𓂻

— JAPAN, SUMMER 2024.

the summer passes like this: you and daichi laughing too loudly in busy restaurants and train cars; having arms around each other in the back of taxis on the way home from clubs; making instant udon at three a.m.; walking up and down the neighborhood a hundred times; laying silently side by side and not needing to say anything. it's a routine, it's familiar—it's home.

a couple weeks before you're set to head back to new york, daichi asks you a question as you lay next to him on a blanket in your driveway, staring up at the stars.

"have you decided what your plans are after college?"

"i'm gonna come back here."

"i thought you wanted to go to grad school? you can do way better in the states, especially with a degree from columbia."

you roll onto your side so you can look at him better. "i know. but i've been away too long already. i miss you."

he gives you a little smile. "but i'm right here."

"right here is pretty fucking far from america."

"hm."

"hm."

that's the end of the conversation.

— 2 AUGUST 2024. 23:09 JST.

everything happens the exact same way it has for the past three years: he takes you to the airport. you try hard not to cry; you say your goodbyes. check-in, security, buy some candy to eat at the gate. board the plane. sixteen hours later, you're in america.

one thing was different, though.

when he said goodbye, his lips touched yours.

you don't stop thinking about it for weeks.

☾𓆙𓂻

— AUGUST TO NOVEMBER 2024.

slightly relieving is the fact that amid thesis writing and too many classes and working an internship under one of your professors (that one's nice, it even earns you enough to get a small apartment a few blocks from campus), there proves to be little time to be spent missing daichi.

you finesse your schedule to fit weekly facetimes on friday evenings (new york time) and shoot random texts back and forth about your day between classes and during meals, and without much space for anything else, it's enough. good things are worth waiting for, anyway.

— DECEMBER 2024.

but then winter sem break rolls around and there's no school so it's back to having too much lonely alone time with your thoughts. you write daichi a christmas card and drop it off at the post office. it's early this year, but oh, well.

☾𓆙𓂻

a week before christmas you receive a call from an unknown number. the phone speaker crackles when you accept the call.

“hello?”

“hey.” the voice on the other end is bright, smiley, accented. it’s tōru.

“tōru? what’s up?”

“i’m outside,” he says, “come down and meet me?”

you’re a little confused, but you decide to humor him. “uh, okay, give me a minute… do i need anything?”

“bring a coat, it’s cold out. i’ll be waiting down here.” the call ends.

a few minutes later you push through the doors of the building to be met with a brisk wind and tōru standing by a payphone, grinning.

“do you have your subway pass?”

you feel inside your pocket for it and nod.

“good,” he says. “come on, we’re in a hurry.”

“where are we going?”

“downtown.”

“ohhkay?”

he laughs. “‘s not anything you won’t like, promise.”

you follow him into the nearest subway entrance, lost in thought as you push through the barrier and step onto the train. it's only when he nudges you and says, "this is our stop," that you realize you've been looking at the ground the whole time.

tōru notices how absent you seem to be and asks, "are you okay?"

"i would be if i knew what was going on," you respond.

"yeah," he says, leading you up the stairs and into the terminal, "yeah, i think you will be."

you're in grand central. tōru asks if he can borrow your phone for a second. when he hands it back to you, he doesn't say anything, just takes you by the arm smiling widely and leads you into the fray of commuters that fill the station.

"tōru!" you groan, "can't you just tell me where we're going?"

"magnolia," he replies simply.

"we came all the way here just for coffee?"

"mhm."

"tōru!" he stops walking and turns back to you, trying and failing miserably to stop grinning for a second. "what the fuck?"

"come on," he says, "you'll like it."

"we've been here before! what's so special about—"

"you'll see."

☾𓆙𓂻

coffee in grand central is surprisingly good. it's also surprisingly expensive. ah, well, it's new york. new york has much more to offer than just overpriced cafés.

such as... this. such as a laughing man that leads a remarkably pissed-off looking girl by the arm, towards this stupidly good, stupidly overpriced café.

the pair are weaving through a stream of people, almost there, and then they're there, and the girl is looking much less agitated now. she looks somewhere between crying and wanting to run in the opposite direction. thank god, she chooses the former.

he loves you. so much.

☾𓆙𓂻

"daichi?" you mean it to be a scream but your voice cracks a little and it comes out airy.

he has the exact same look on his face that tōru's had this whole time. "hi."

"oh my god, what the fuck?"

"you said it was lonely, tōru told me maybe it would be nice for you to have a date for new year's, i had some extra money saved up. so i came."

"you— what?" you look back at tōru. "you planned this? just? last minute?"

"nah," daichi laughs, "no, i meant to come visit you for christmas a while ago. i already had tickets and everything, i was gonna tell you but then i got your card and figured it might be more fun if it were a surprise."

"oh my god." that's all you can think to say.

— CHRISTMAS 2024.

you can't even explain how good it feels to wake up and walk into the living room to find daichi asleep on your couch on christmas morning, how good it feels for it to not just be you. the whole time he's been here, though, you've forced yourself not to think about the fact that he's going back home in a week and a half, forced yourself not to do anything just yet. soon, though. just a few more months.

☾𓆙𓂻

when he wakes up, you're making coffee for the two of you.

"merry christmas," he says, wrapping one arm around your shoulders. he places a card on the counter in front of you. "open it."

its message is simple.

you do as it says.

"i, uh, haven't gotten you anything yet, but—"

"daichi," you laugh, "it's okay. and um, i may have also not been able to get you anything. also because i didn't know you'd be here."

"wait, wait, i'm not finished."

"okay?"

"what do you want to do after you're done this year of school?"

"i already told you," you say, "i'll move back home."

"no, what do you want to do? you want to go to grad school, right? continue studying here?"

"no, i just want to stop waiting." you sigh, a little frustrated. "i don't wanna have to keep putting this off, it's been—"

he cuts you off. "i'll be here."

"huh?"

"i'll be here. or wherever."

"i don't get it?"

you've always loved the way daichi's nose scrunches up when he smiles. "you're the one planning on studying more, not me. not immediately, anyway. i'll go with you."

"daichi."

"what?"

"you're fucking joking."

he laughs; you look so confused right now. "i'm not. promise."

"i don't even—"

"hey."

"hm?"

"think you can handle long-distance for five months?"

"uh—" you inhale sharply. "yeah."

"good," he says, "then we don't have to keep putting this off."

it's been five months since you last let your lips touch his. it still feels just like the first time it happened.

— 31 DECEMBER, 2023. 19:36 EST.

he tries not to let you pay for dinner, but in the end, you slip the waiter your card while daichi's in the bathroom. it's his birthday; it's your treat.

and after dinner, there's that new year's eve party that tōru's been going on about. it feels good, so good, not to be there alone. it feels good to watch the broadcast from downtown and count the seconds to midnight as daichi's arms are wrapped around you from behind. the clock reaches zero; daichi kisses you hard. you're both drunk on champagne.

you watch him smile across the room at tōru, who's got his girl on his arm. the two of them look happy, too. everything is warm.

— DEPARTURE: 3 JANUARY 2025. 08:15 EST.

daichi's asleep next to you when the alarm on his phone goes off. you'll miss not waking up next to him for the next five months, but at least that's all it will be.

he makes faces at you in the mirror as you both brush your teeth; keeps trying to tug your sweater off when you get dressed. you spend these thirty minutes laughing with him until it hurts. the two of you take the subway back to grand central; make out in a corner of the terminal while he waits for his train to jfk international to arrive.

"see you in may."

— 21 JANUARY 2025.

taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia

[bibbawrites]

Take Me Home For Christmas - Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Request: “So I had this idea...you and char are newly dating and he invites you to spend Christmas with him and his family, but he introduces you as a friend, because you don’t feel very comfortable with his family yet...so it’s past midnight and it’s basically Christmas and you are in the living room, everyone else is asleep, and you’re sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, soft Christmas music is playing in the background and you start making out and one thing leads to another and you fuck there with the only light coming from the fire and the Christmas tree! You can turn it into a fic if you want!”

Word Count: 1371 words

Summary: Christmas is here and this year you’re spending it with your relatively new boyfriend Charlie and his family

Warnings: none that i know of 

A/N: okay so this is heavily inspired by the song Take Me Home For Christmas by Dan + Shay (both myself and the anon who sent the request were inspired by the song haha) i received this in my asks and knew i had to elaborate into a full fic, it didnt end up getting smutty though, sorry about that also i tried something new with not using any pronouns or gender specific words, so you could easily imagine the reader to be male or female :) hopefully you all enjoy this and have a merry christmas or whatever you celebrate at this time of year <3

“I want you to come home with me for Christmas.” 

Your head shot up from where it was laying in your boyfriend Charlie’s lap, as he braided and unbraided your hair. 

“You what?” You questioned. 

“I want you to come home with me for Christmas. Spend it with me and my family. I know your parents told you not to travel to them and I just don’t want you spending Christmas alone. Plus I’d love to wake up beside you on Christmas morning.” Charlie looked at you, his eyes full of anticipation. 

You were silent, taking in his offer. He was right, your family had told you not to worry about flying back to spend Christmas with them. It had hurt you at first, since this was the first time you’d ever spend Christmas away from them, but after you thought about it you realised they were only trying to keep you safe. 

Plus, you and Charlie had only been dating for a few months, it seemed like it was a bit too soon to be doing something as big as spending Christmas with his family. 

As if he could read your mind, Charlie spoke up. 

“We can always tell them that we’re just friends if that makes you more comfortable.” He suggested. You hesitated. 

“Okay.” You agreed. “Let’s do it.” Charlie grinned. 

“Really? You’ll come home with me?” He checked, and you nodded. 

“When do we leave?” 

You were leaving the next day, as it turned out. You woke up bright and early to finish packing, before heading to the airport to fly to Canada. 

It felt like time passed so slowly. From the car ride to the airport, to checking in, to the actual flight that was going to take around 11 hours. But finally you touched down in Canada, and before you knew it you were hopping into a rental car and on your way to meet your boyfriend’s family, nervously staring out the window. 

Charlie glanced over at you as he drove, reaching out to place his hand on your knee, giving it a comforting squeeze. 

“Don’t stress yourself out, they’re gonna love you. Besides, it’s only my mum, dad and Meghan, remember?” He told you. You bit your lip. 

“You’re still gonna tell them we’re just friends, right?” You checked. Charlie nodded.

“If that’s what you want darling.” He smiled softly. 

“Just for now.” You said and Charlie squeezed your knee again. 

“Then just friends we are.” 

Meeting Charlie’s family was less awkward than you had anticipated. They were all extremely welcoming, greeting you with warm hugs and excited chatter as they asked you about you life. 

After placing your bags in Charlie’s room, you found yourself in the living room with Charlie and his mother, as she questioned the two of you on how you had met and other questions that made you believe that she secretly knew that you were lying about just being friends. 

After a while she stood up, smiling at you. 

“Let me get the guest room ready for you Y/N.” She said sweetly. 

“Oh it’s okay, we can share my bed.” Charlie said. His mother raised an eyebrow. 

“Okay then.” She gave him a knowing look. “I guess I’ll just grab you a towel then dear.” 

She left the room and you glared at Charlie. 

“What?” He asked. You shook your head. 

“Way to be subtle.” You muttered. He rolled his eyes. 

“C’mon Y/N, no one is gonna figure anything out.” He told you. 

“Fine. But only cause I like cuddles.” You sighed, 

“I’ll be sure to get extra cuddly then.” Charlie grinned. You opened your mouth to reply but stopped as Charlie’s mother re-entered the room, handing you a towel. 

“Thank you.” You smiled, standing up. “I might have a shower now if that’s okay?” 

His mother nodded. 

“Of course dear. I’ll order us some takeout for dinner. Do you eat Chinese?” She questioned and you nodded. 

“Go have your shower, I know what you eat.” Charlie grinned. You smiled in thanks, heading out of the room and into Charlie’s bedroom where you collected some clothes before heading off to have a nice, hot shower. 

The next few days passed quickly with you and Charlie staying busy constantly. He showed you around his home town, taking you to all of his favourite places. You got to meet his childhood friends and spend some time hearing stories about your boyfriend growing up. He even took you ice skating, something you swore you would never do with him again after the disaster that was the first time he took you skating. 

Before you knew it it was Christmas Eve, and you found yourself curled up near Charlie on the lounge, the rest of his family scattered around the room as you watched Love Actually, a tradition you were happy to be included in, while the fireplace burned in the corner, filling the room with a comfortable warmth. 

The movie eventually ended and Charlie’s family all headed off to bed, wishing you both goodnight and merry Christmas. Once you were alone you snuggled closer to Charlie, resting your head on his chest. 

“I never want this moment to end.” You whispered, afraid if you spoke too loud you would ruin the magical moment you were having. Charlie ran his hands down your back, squeezing you tight to him. 

“Me neither.” He replied, voice just as low. “But I might have to ruin it.”

You sat up slightly, frowning. 

“Why?” You asked. Charlie shook his head, peeling himself out of your grasp. 

“Stay here.” He instructed. You nodded, laying back onto the couch and waiting. 

A few minutes later Charlie reappeared, two mugs in his hands. 

“Hot chocolate.” He explained, handing one of the mugs to you. You smiled gratefully. He placed his mug down, before heading over to the small speaker in the corner and connecting his phone up to it to play carols softly. 

“Merry Christmas, by the way. It’s officially Christmas Day.” He said, heading back over to the couch and pressing a soft kiss to your lips. 

You smiled against his lips, so happy that you were here with him. 

“Merry Christmas Char.” You replied. “I-” 

You hesitated. You’d never said the L-word to each other before, but in the last few weeks you had come to realise that you were definitely in love with the Canadian boy. Charlie frowned. 

“You what?” He questioned. You took a deep breath. 

“I love you.” You finished softly. Charlie’s face lit up, a massive smile appearing on his face as he threw himself at you, and you silently thanked your past self for placing your hot chocolate down on the table. 

“I love you too.” Charlie replied, his head buried in your neck. Your heart sped up. 

He loved you. 

And you loved him. 

You were in love. 

You grabbed onto the front of Charlie’s hoodie, pulling him up and kissing him quickly. He smiled against your lips, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you onto his lap, your lips never disconnecting. 

“I love you.” He mumbled against your lips. You smiled, breaking the kiss to press your foreheads together. 

“I love you too.” You whispered.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing that.” Charlie smiled, pulling you back into a passionate kiss. Your fingers tangled through his hair and you tugged slightly, swallowing the moan that he let out. After a minute you separated, gasping for air. You smiled sweetly.  

“Do you want part of your Christmas present now?” You questioned. Charlie’s eyes widened and he nodded quickly. You grinned. 

“Bed. Now.” You muttered, climbing off his lap. Charlie stood up quickly, collecting his phone and hot chocolate and putting out the fire in the fireplace, while you stood waiting, your own hot chocolate in hand. 

He made his way over to you and you allowed him to lead you to his bedroom. 

And as you stripped off your clothes and fell to the bed together in a mess of kisses and giggles there was only one thing on your mind and that was how thankful you were that you decided to spend Christmas with Charlie. 

[quokkacore]

lost and found [bang chan]

summary: looking for your soulmate is difficult to do when you’re also looking after your daughter. but on a chance shopping trip, when you lose her, you end up finding her, and your soulmate, whose soft smile and cute dimples offer a lot of promise.

pairing: musician!chan x singlemom!reader

genre: soulmates au, slice of life, meet-cute, holiday special-ish?, fluff, minor angst towards the beginning.

warnings: brief mentions of kidnapping, language, eating 

song rec: exo - wait // chen - shall we?

word count: 2.1k

a/n: helena writing something that isnt angsty or smutty? apparently thats possible. december is gonna be pure winter fics says the girl who lives in a country where its SUMMER but go off and i’m posting a two part exo fic tht i’m rlly excited for on christmas eve and christmas day, so pls look forward to tht ^^

It only took a minute. It felt like even less. You turned your head to look for a sales employee, and let go of your 4 year old daughter’s hand to grab the hand she was holding onto to look through the shirts you were going through. Your eyes and hands were off of Annie for the briefest of moments, and when you reached out again, when you turned your head to look downward… gone. Like the wind. 

That had been ten minutes ago. Now, you were wandering around the department store like you had gone crazy. To a certain degree, you had. Don’t panic if you lose sight of your kid, all the parenting articles had said. So naturally, you were doing exactly that. Once your mind got the gears turning, it was hard to get them to stop. Your inner pessimist was already whispering to you, what if she left the building? What if some creep snatched her up? What if she had gotten hurt? 

Why couldn’t you have just stayed home on your day off? Why did you have to decide to haul yourself and your daughter along to the mall to do your holiday shopping today? You were immediately beginning to regret every decision you’d made in the past few hours, tears prickling in your eyes and a lump beginning to grow in your throat. 

You wondered vaguely if she’d left the department store and was now wandering around the mall. That could be an entirely different possibility. You’d gone around the department store twice now, not seeing a single sight of her. Your grip tightened on her winter coat—which she had given to you when it got too warm for her from being inside—and started looking for a security guard instead. Maybe they could call out to the other security guards in the mall and keep a lookout.

Just as you spotted one, beginning to think of what you could say to give a physical description—her hair and eye color, which were both the same as your own, the red t-shirt she had on, the jeans, her height—a notification bell rang throughout the department store on the speaker system. 

“To Annie’s mom, Y/N,” The woman on the PA system said, “Your daughter is at the help desk at the north entrance of the building.” 

A swell of relief swept through you as she repeated the announcement one more time, and your feet, of their own volition, started towards the exit of the department store. What a fucking relief. You had entered toward that side of the building; meaning, yes, she’d left the store, but she hadn’t gone too far. Your heart was racing, sprinting towards the entrance. Your eyes darted back and forth, desperately waiting for the desk to come into sight as you rounded the corner. 

When you turned, your eyes caught sight of your little girl, Annie, standing in front of the desk, teary-eyed, next to a young man in a black hoodie, watching her quietly. Your feet sped up, and when you were about fifteen feet away from the desk, your daughter turned her head to the sound of quick feet making a mad dash across the floor. Her eyes widened, and her little feet shot in your direction. “Mommy!”

She ran up to you, and you crouched to grab her in your arms, engulfing her in a hug that felt like it was more for your sake than for hers. You could feel a giant weight falling off of your shoulders as he sniffled against your shoulder. You found yourself having to blink tears out of your eyes. Pulling away a few seconds later, you wiped away a stray tear trickling down your little girl’s cheek.

“Honey, you can’t just walk away from me like that,” You murmured shakily, “I was so worried.” 

“‘M sorry, mommy,” She sighed in a small voice, lower lip wobbling. Your heart clenched at how upset she was, and you put your hand on her cheek to calm her down. “Wanted t’go look at the toys. But I didn’t see you ‘nymore after.”

You sighed, pursing your lips. “I’m so glad you’re safe. How did you find your way to the desk?”

Annie turned her head, wide eyes fixing on the man in the oversized hoodie. Dark, frizzy curls paired with eyes of the same color, warm and welcoming, watching your interaction with his elbow propped up against the desk. “He helped me. Showed me where t’go.”

Your eyes met the man’s, and you stood slowly, holding onto Annie’s hand. You made your way over to him, flashing him a small friendly smile. “Annie says you helped her find her way here? I can’t thank you enough. I was this close to losing my mind.” 

He let out a quiet laugh, nodding sympathetically. “I can imagine,” He replied, revealing a deep Australian accent, “I remember when I was a kid, my little sister got lost at the supermarket. My mum just ‘bout went nuts looking for her, and she was only missing for like five minutes. When I saw your daughter all alone, I got this horrible feeling, and I remembered my mum… I couldn’t just leave her there, y’know?”

You laughed. “Kids,” You sighed warmly, “You can’t take your eyes off of them, not even for a second. But honestly, thank you, uh, Mr…?”

He smiled, and as your other turbulent emotions began to subside, you realized he was insanely cute, taking note of his rosy, heart-shaped lips and his dimple. “Bang Chan. Uh, but just Chan is fine! Really.”

“Chan,” you repeated, your smile growing. You turned your head to look down at Annie. “And, what do we say to Chan for helping you, Annie? Sweetie...?”

But she didn’t seem to be listening to you. She was too busy gawking at your hand, which was holding onto her little one. You furrowed your brows, eyes falling to where she was looking, before your mouth fell open. 

This was the last thing you were expecting, you thought, as your eyes fell upon the red string tied around your finger, eyes trailing forward, forward, until they made their way to Chan’s index finger, and then even further, meeting Chan’s eyes, which were wide as saucers. Evidently, he hadn’t been expecting this either.

 “Mommy,” Annie said, confused, “That string just showed up out of nowhere. Like magic!” 

It was your turn to not answer now, too in shock, blinking stupidly at Chan, who was doing the same. It felt like an out of body experience, unable to stop your mouth from gaping like a fish, while watching you and this ridiculously charming, handsome-for-absolutely-no-reason man come to the realization that the universe had tied you together, quite literally.

“I-I…” You choked out, unable to speak. Oh my god, you idiot, you thought, say something! Don’t just stare!

“Mommy.” Annie’s free hand was tugging on your long, brown winter coat now, which snapped you out of your idiotic gawking. You looked down at her, and her eyes were glittering with excitement. “The string! ‘S’the one you told me about last week! Th’one that shows up when you meet your… your… snow mate!”

That seemed to truly snap you out of it, for some reason, and you let out a sound somewhere between a cough and a laugh.

“Annie, I think you mean soulmate.”

“Yeah, that!” She started jumping up and down, and your face grew a crooked smile. You looked back at Chan, who was watching the interaction warmly. His eyes met yours when he realized you were looking at him, and he smiled at you in a way that made your heart do an anxious little tap dance, like he had known you for years and wanted to catch up.

In a way, it was true.

“So…” You said, “You said your name was Chan?”

He giggled a little at your breathless tone, and you grinned giddily. You felt like a teenager. It was honestly a bit embarrassing. 

“You wanna get some lunch? My treat.” He sounded insistent, but his eyes were still creased up with his welcoming smile. “I insist.”

“What are the odds?” You asked with a smile, having finished your lunch—some pizza from the mall Chan had insisted on paying for—a few minutes ago, now watching Annie run around over on the indoor playground with some other kids there. Chan was sitting across from you at the table. “The last thing I was expecting was to find you, y’know?”

“I think there was a higher priority on your list of things you needed to find at the moment.”

“Ha, ha,” You deadpanned, “You’re hilarious. Tell another one.”

“Alright, what do you call a—”

“No!” You said with a giggle. “I heard enough earlier when you told me the one about the yakuza and the jacuzzi.”

Chan laughed gleefully, resting his chin on his hand. The string had since disappeared—they disappeared some ten minutes after meeting your soulmate. “But really, it is pretty crazy. I read a few weeks ago that only 3 out of every 10 people actually manage to find their soulmates.”

He didn’t respond but his eyes studied your face, gaze fixated on the bridge of your nose. “Call me biased,” He murmured, “But you’re very beautiful.”

You looked down, feeling your face heat up. “Thank you. You’re pretty handsome yourself.”

“Ah, thank you.” It was Chan’s turn to smile bashfully, the tips of his ears turning red. He looked down at his hands, which were on the table. A brief silence settled over the both of you, and you pondered over how he had been during lunch, gentle in his questioning but also incredibly sweet whenever Annie said something or asked a question, and how he always looked genuinely interested in what she had to say. 

As a single mom, you never really had time to date. But both times that you given it a try, they didn’t seem to care about Annie or what she had to say. But here, now, Chan had been so happy to explain how he made music when she asked, or let her have the last slice of pizza, and it didn’t come across as disingenuous. It didn’t have the slightly condescending lilt some people put on to talk to younger children. He didn’t speak slowly and loudly, but he was aware that he needed to simplify his language given that she was still a little kid. He took things at her pace, and you could see that Annie warmed up to him instantly. 

Still, you were a little wary.

“Look,” You said softly, eyes turning to the playground, looking for Annie. When you found her, chasing a little boy around, you smiled softly. “I’m really excited to have found you, Chan. It’s something I’ve always wanted but never expected. But… y’know, I’m a mom, above everything else. Ever since she was born, Annie’s been, and always will be my number one priority. I need you to understand that.”

You met his eyes again, and they had turned more serious, attentive to your words. “I totally understand that, Y/N. I wouldn’t want to come between you and her, and I don’t expect you to drop everything for me. Especially if it involves Annie.”

“Thank you,” You answered softly, nodding. “It’s hard for her. Her dad and I broke up a few months after she was born, and she sees him maybe once or twice a year. She’s in such an important age for her development, and needs me just as much as I need her, y’know?”

He nodded again, humming in accordance. “Of course. I’m totally willing to wait if you’re not ready yet, or if you want to set certain boundaries for her wellbeing... Whatever you feel is best for her.”

Slowly, his hand made its way to rest on top of yours. He was almost cautious about it, brushing his fingers gently against your knuckles. “You really made my day.” His voice was warm, eyes full of mirth. You smiled. “You made mine too. Because I found my soulmate and you stopped me from having a heart attack by saving the day and finding Annie. I’m never gonna thank you enough for that.”

He laughed. “I’m glad I was able to help. It led me to you.”

Lowering your head as your heart skipped a beat, you looked at his hand on yours, then at Annie, and finally back at him. A rosebud of hope began to bloom in your chest.

Seeing his dimples as his eyes shone, you had a solid feeling it wouldn’t ever wilt.

taglist: @decembermoonskz​ 

[colorseeingchick]

Onigiri and Second Chances

Pairing: Osamu Miya x Reader

Summary: The Black Jackals are hosting a Christmas party, and Osamu agrees to come. But there’s some details Atsumu forgot to tell him- 1, he’s supposed to mass-make Onigiri for the party, and 2, a figure from his past is making a reappearance. 

Warnings: Mostly Fluff, some Angst, suggestive content, swearing 

Word Count: 3.7k 

A/N: Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays everyone! This is far from my best work but I hope its fun regardless !

Osamu swears he can see his breath crystalize before him in his kitchen as he plots the murder of his damned brother. 

Well, plotting his brother’s demise is currently secondary to the molding of the  onigiri in his hand. It feels odd, the contrast between the soft, squishy rice warming his palms as he meticulously works at it and the prickly cold that bites his forearms, bare and at the mercy of the cold air of his kitchen, unprotected by his rolled up sleeves. 

Now, you probably have a lot of questions! 

Why’s Osamu Miya making some lip-smacking onigiri at 4 pm on Christmas Eve? 

Because his bitch of a brother tricked him.

Why’s he making 70? 

Ask Atsumu smh (if it’s not abundantly clear, my boy Osamu is VERY salty).

Has he been here for like, 3 hours already? 

Yeah, he sure as hell has. 

Will he be here for a good few more?

Uh huh. 

Why? 

Well, Osamu doesn’t take onigiri lightly. 1. If he’s gonna make em for Atsumu’s party, he was gonna do em right. Even though Atsumu forgot to mention that onigiri was gonna be the special dish to Osamu- the one making the onigiri- until 10 am the day of, (I’m sure y’all get why Osamu is mad now) there wasn’t a chance in hell he was gonna let his dishes fall flat, especially for a party this big. He has a bunch of specialty flavors he’s been wanting to showcase anyways, and in the process of making so many for such a large number, he knows it’s easy to get lost in a ‘quantity over quality’ mindset. No matter the amount, Onigiri Miya’s quality never wavers (A/N: period king as you should). 

But the AC being broken? That’s not a part of his plan. And it was just kinda, icing on his metaphorical cake of reasons why he’s pissed as hell right now. It makes him question if all this effort is really worth it, at least for tonight. 

Osamu’s initially thought that, because his brother’s the host for this party, that maybe he should try to spruce up a bit, come in lookin like an acceptable counterpart to his charismatic, showy brother. But now? He’ll realistically be here in this kitchen till the time of the party, so he’ll show up lookin a lil rough. Effort that should’ve gone into his looks is not being put into his food.  If Atsumu complains, Osamu will not hesitate to shove an onigiri up his-

It’s whatever. It’s not like he has anyone he needs to impress there anyways. He’s just the onigiri twin tonight. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The party is in full swing when Osamu arrives. But unlike Atsumu’s usual parties, the music wasn’t blaring- it’s festive and moderate. And despite being ‘party’ attire, everyone seems a little less scandalous. I guess that’s natural when some business representatives and officials from the volleyball world are also present. Unfortunately, this does mean that Osamu is the most underdressed, but he’s come to terms with it. 

But knowing his brother, there’s no way a Miya party would be fully professional. There has to be some element of childishness or stupidity somewhere in this party-

And Osamu gets his answer when he looks up. 

Mistletoe. And lots of it. It’s not everywhere everywhere. But there’s more than one, and they are seemingly strategically placed. 

Osamu chuckles. Leave it to his brother to try and start shit. All this means is that he has to be careful to not end up in the wrong spot with some random person. He’ll be fine. 

Giant container filled with onigiri in hand, he maneuvers his way to the kitchen, nodding and smiling at his acquaintances as he goes. As he’s about to step onto the cold tile of the kitchen, he stops dead in his tracks. 

Fuck his brother. 

He didn’t say anything about you being here. Somebody’ll have to stop him from slugging his asshat of a twin across the face. 

“SAMMMMUUUU!!!!!” Speak of the devil. 

Atsumu slings his arm over his twin’s shoulder,  a cup in his other hand.

“Are ya drunk?” 

“Huh? No. Gotta keep it together! I’m the host after all.” Atsumu smiles wide, rather stupidly. 

“Great. If yer sober, that means I can beat the ever livin’ shit outta ya and yer gonna remember.” 

“Oi, oi, what did I do!? Ya just got here!” Fear shined Atsumu’s bright eyes. 

“If you could like, not beat my boyfriend up, I’d appreciate it a bit, Samu-kun,” a female voice gently chimes in. 

“Homura-chan, hello.” Osamu’s shoulders relax as his brother’s level-headed girlfriend pops up in between the two, giving Osamu a side hug only to watch Atsumu pout. 

“Homura…” Atsumu’s whine is enough for her to placate him with a tight hug, but she continues to face Osamu. 

“Why do you wanna kill him this time? Not that you’re wrong for wanting to. I’m just curious.”

“Hey!”

“He didn’t tell me they were gon be here.” Osamu’s eyes shift to you, laughing in the kitchen, talking to Hinata and Bokuto, while filling cups with hot chocolate. 

“Oh I thought you were gonna yell at him for not telling you about the onigiris till this morning.”

“That too.”

“HEY!” 

“But I guess it’s my fault they’re here. I invited them, they are my best friend after all. But I should have told you. I’m sorry, Samu.”

“No, no. Its fine Homura-chan. I just…” 

Osamu doesn’t know how to verbalize it. He’s had a crush on you since 2nd year, and it didn’t go anywhere even through college. You two knew each other pretty well, and he almost asked you out. Emphasis on almost. Being honest, he abandoned ship when he saw some guy kissing you after class one day- he figured he had waited for too long. He cut off communication with you soon after, despite your attempts to reach out. Homura had time and time again reminded Osamu that you didn’t hate him, and he did trust her. But that didn’t help him shake off the feeling you did, and always would, resent him. 

It also did not help that his stomach jumped the moment he heard your beautiful laugh resonate in the kitchen, or that his face heated up when he saw you warmly hug your cup of hot chocolate, sipping it so gently. So cute. 

He’s still whipped. Fuck. 

Homura nudges his shoulder, one hand intertwined with Atsumu’s. “We’re not gonna make you talk to them-”

“maybe...” adds in Atsumu.

“-But if they come up to ya, maybe it won’t be the worst thing.”

Osamu looks down, tightly gripping the strap attached to his container. “Okay,” he quietly agrees.

Atsumu slaps his brother’s shoulder with a smile and comments, “ya know where my clothes are, grab em if ya need em” before taking his leave to go entertain other guests.

“I’m assuming you have more containers?” Homura asks, standing by Osamu’s side.

“70 onigiris definitely do not fit in here.” Osamu smiles with his quip, and she smiles back. 

“Figured. I’ll help ya grab the rest. Go and put that down first.” She heads towards the front door, leaving him in the doorway. 

He takes a deep breath before recomposing himself, restoring his classic blank n’ bored expression. He strides into the kitchen, placing the black container down softly and attracts eyes in the process, including yours. He feels your soft gaze somehow dig into the back of his head once he swiftly turns around, walking away back to the front door. As he steps back into the winter breeze, he’s met with Homura’s knowing gaze. 

“They’re single, ya know.” 

Osamu huffs out cold hair, eyes closing at the sting of the wind. And somehow, the cold sting filling his lungs eased the fear in his stomach. 

“I look like shit.”

“Atsu said you could take his clothes. Let’s go pick somethin’ nice out for ya.” 

This is gonna be a long night. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Osamu sits himself on the couch, a glass of champagne in one hand. Atsumu’s maroon button-up faintly smells like his signature cologne, and although he usually hates it, something about it helps Osamu channel his brother’s cockiness confidence, which feels very helpful right about now. 

But the confidence he’s tryna channel can only do so much. Suna and Akaashi are both worried as they watch Osamu space out mid conversation. Its far from normal. Suna knows exactly what’s on his best friend’s mind, while Akaashi is astute enough to make a guess. 

“Myaa-sam.” Akaashi gently calls to Osamu. No response. 

So Suna gives him a nice kick. 

“Oi!” Osamu rubs his shin. 

“Talk to them, before ya go crazy and take us all down with ya,” Suna’s tone is flat and bored, but the intensity of the statement is clear. 

“I dunno…” 

“Myaa-sam, don’t you think it's worth a try?” Akaashi’s approach is different, soft and coaxing. 

“Ya know how awkward it’s gonna be?” His leg is bouncing now.

He wants to. Very badly. But he can’t. It might only make things worse. 

“It’s only awkward if ya make it awkward. And that’s comin’ from me. Ya know, from both of our personal experiences, waiting too long is the worst mistake you can make.” Suna turns his gaze back to the kitchen, wistfulness is his voice. 

“We fucked up. But yer gettin’ a second chance. Don’t do it again.” 

Osamu knows Suna’s pain. He knows he’s right. 

“How the hell do I even start?” 

Suna’s gaze shifts to something, or someone, else before quickly locking eyes with Akaashi. 

“Don’t run.” He then gets up wordlessly and walks away. 

Akaashi brushes his pants off before standing, a small smile resting on his face. 

“Just remember Myaa-sam, you’ll only regret the things you don’t do. It’s best to be honest,” and with that, Akaashi also walks away. 

As Osamu’s eyes trace Akaashi’s path of escape, his eyes are caught by you, happily bounding towards him- a smile on your face and onigiri in hand. 

Yeah, that’s you for sure. Osamu is caught between the nerves in his stomach and the fuzziness in his mind as you come up to him. 

“Osamu, hello! Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, L/N.”

“Can, can I sit here?”

Don’t run. 

“Yeah.”

As you sit down, he notes the distance, he notes how your arms are in front of you, he notes your smile, and he notes how your eyes shine. He notes how cute you look with the onigiri tightly held in your hands. 

“Your onigiri’s are amazing! I always knew you were a great cook, but I’m so sad I never got to try them before!”

“Thank you, L/N. These definitely aren’t my best, Tsumu didn’t tell me I needed to make em till this mornin’ so… I was worried they weren’t as good.”

A lie. He knows they’re not bad. But he wants you to think they can be much better. 

“If this is bad then I’ll definitely have to come by and try more! Because this is the best onigiri I’ve ever had. But maybe that’s because you’re the one who made em.” You quickly move on from your comment by taking a giant bite out of your onigiri, and Osamu hopes that you don’t see how intensely his face heats up. 

Are ya, flirting? With him? Nah, yer just being you, all nice and all. But that doesn’t do anything to mitigate how much you’ve just stroked his ego. 

“Sounds like classic Atsumu, to forget to tell ya something important. What was your day like? Having to prep all this so fast.” You look up at him, expectantly, eagerly ready to listen to him.

Your undivided attention does illegal things to his heart, ya know. 

But just like that, you two fall into your usual pace, as if y’all had never stopped talking in the first place. He tells you stories, you add in charismatic quips, you both share laughs, and slowly the gap between you two closes. Osamu’s hand is now empty of any glasses and lounges against the back of the chair right by your head. You, on the other hand, have your legs pulled up under you, your knees gently pushing against his thigh. 

“Oh my gosh I should be at more Black Jackals games from now on, this sounds amazing,” you say as you wipe a tear from your eye after laughing too hard. 

“If yer goin, lemme know, I can keep ya company,” Osamu lets the words fall from his mouth before he processes what he’s saying. 

You pause, soaking in his words. “Really?”

Now it’s his turn to process his offer. “Uh.. only… if yer interested-”

“I’d love that.” You smile at him, excitement clear in your voice. 

As Osamu indulges himself in the sight of your smile, he realizes that some rice clung to the corner of your face. Out of instinct and enabled by proximity, his hand resting in his lap reaches out to you. His hand caresses your jaw while his thumb drags against the corner of your mouth, down over your bottom lip. Out of shock, you could do nothing but stare at him as his eyes meet yours. 

In this moment, in this place, time has stopped. Osamu has one thought on his mind as he thumbs at your lips. 

I need to kiss them. Now.

But then he didn’t. 

Osamu sharply retracts his hand, a “ah, sorry,” running off his tongue. 

“You’re, you’re fine.” You look down, flustered. “I’ll, be right back.” Osamu sighs and feels his heart start to sting as you walk away, head lowered. 

Fuck me. I fucked up again, didn’t I? I just didn’t want to do anything they didn’t want. 

 Osamu snaps back to reality as he feels a hard slap against the back of his head. 

He’s ready to fight when he turns around, only to see Homura and Atsumu behind the couch. 

“The fuck was that, Samu?” Atsumu aggressively yell whispers. 

“What doya mean!” He knows what Atsumu means. He hates admitting Tsumu is right, but he can’t admit that. 

Homura’s disappointed glare quiets him down. “Don’t do anything you don’t want to, Osamu. But if you want it, you can’t keep running away. And don’t lead them on either, that ain’t fair.” 

“I didn’t know if they wanted to…” Hasn’t that always been the problem? Osamu is a confident guy. He pulls a lotta people, pretty consistently too. But you were different, always had been. Osamu never wanted to hurt you, never wanted to make you uncomfortable. Never wanted to ruin your friendship. But in trying to do that, once it was too late, he knew that’s exactly what he did. And he couldn’t find it in himself to do that again. 

“They want it. I know my best friend. They want you as much as you want them, headass. So if you’re not gonna make a move, I will.” With that, Homura turns on her heels and walks away, Atsumu glaring at his brother while his girlfriend pulls him along. 

That’s definitely a threat. What does it mean? Who knows! But better to not find out.

Osamu’s eyes scan the room and he finds Suna leaning up against a wall, Akaashi standing next to him. Suna’s lazy gaze makes contact with Osamu’s for a moment before closing while sipping at his hot chocolate. Akaashi’s squint also feels more piercing in this moment. 

My boys are talkin’ shit about me? Incorrect, Samu. In case you have not realized, your boys are not the type to talk in the first place. 

I deserve it this time though. He rubs the back of his neck as he stands up to stretch. 

You do regret the things you don’t do. Dammit Akaashi. Time to talk it out. 

Osamu strides through the house tryna find you. He finds you stepping down the stairs, wiping at your face. His heart shatters and he really wants nothing but to hug you. But he resists, mind determined. 

“L/N.”

“Osamu! Hi um�� I’m so sorry if I’ve been bothering you.” 

“L/N.”

“I’ll just let you go, I don’t wanna make you anymore uncomfortable.”

“Y/N.” Osamu grabs your arm as you try and walk away and gently tugs you to face him. “Please. Can we talk?” 

You pause, take a deep breath, and then turn to him, eyes still ensuring him that he has your undivided attention. 

With butterflies fluttering in his stomach, he calmly speaks. “I like you.”

Your eyes widen.

“I like you a lot. Since 2nd year-”

“In college?”

“High school.” 

You shudder and tears pool in the corners of your eyes. Instinct takes over Osamu as he pulls you forward with all his weight, throwing you against his chest as he wraps his arms around you. 

“I’m sorry I never told ya,” he whispers to you as he rocks you side to side, your face buried in his chest and your arms tight around his back. 

“I’ve always been so scared of, hurtin ya. You were one of my close friends, and I didn’t wanna mess it up over feelings. I didn’t wanna lose ya.” 

You nuzzle against his chest as he feels you start to shake.

“But when I saw that guy kissin ya one day, I thought… I thought I lost you anyways. I realized I waited too long and that I made a mistake. And then I proceeded to do everythin’ I never wanted to do, I hurt ya and I fucked up our friendship.”

“Osamu, I never wanted him to kiss me.” Your voice cracks. 

“...What?” His eyes go wide with concern and confusion. 

“He kissed me outta the blue. I thought we were just friends but he didn’t see it that way. I was just being myself, though. But right after that I told him there was someone else I liked.” 

Osamu internally hits himself. Maybe he should just ask Atsumu to punch him. How could he be so fuckin’ stupid? 

“I was gonna confess to you after that, but that’s when you dipped on me. I didn’t know what I did, and Homura told me to talk to you and find out for myself- she said it’d be fine if I talked to you, and that I should learn to communicate with you but I… I didn’t reach out. That’s my fault.”

Osamu pulls you closer to him, crushing you as much as he could. It’s his turn to shed a few tears, in frustration and pain. He coulda been with you all this time, but he was being a headass. Maybe Homura should punch him instead. 

“I’m...I’m so so sorry Y/N. I missed ya so much.” He cradles you in his arms, a calming (self-calming) sigh falling through his lips. 

“I’ve missed you too, Samu.”

You two look at each other for a good, long moment before small smiles crawl onto your faces. Osamu pulls you against him once more. 

“Let’s try this again. I wanna get it right this time.”

“Sounds good to me.” You say, sniffles stopping and giggles rising out of your chest. 

He buries his nose into the top of your head drawing in the sweet smell of your shampoo while his hands grab onto your fluffy sweater. 

“So cute! NOW KISS.” You and Osamu jolt out of your hug when Atsumu barks. All Osamu’s (and your) friends had now come to look at you two, smiles all around. 

Akaashi smiles fondly. Suna smiles lazily, and your favorite dumb Black Jackals (Bokuto and Hinata), who were unaware of any history between you two, are now in shock while also smiling like crazy. 

“Get it, Mya-samm!” Bokuto cheers out, causing everyone to erupt into laughter. 

“Wait, wait!” Atsumu runs down the hall, jumps, and then runs right up to his twin. He then proceeds to hold a mistletoe right above yours and Osamu’s head. 

“ I’ve been waitin’ for this shit to happen for Ion even know how many years. No chickenin’ out of it this time.” 

“Wasn’t planning on it, jackass.” 

Osamu’s hands find their way to your cheeks, gently caressing it with his fingers running up and down your jaw. His eyes take their time inspecting every inch of your face, mentally mapping every beautiful feature that adorns you. With the fire hot in his stomach and his lips aching, he pulls your face to meet his, lips gently massaging yours, telling you everything he had said earlier all over again, but this time with his actions. 

He likes you. A lot. For years. And he’s missed you so much. 

He slows the kiss down, taking his time to let you feel his lips against yours. When your hands reach up to hold his face he can’t help but try and pull you closer. 

As he pulls away after a mere 30 seconds, which did indeed feel like forever, his adrenaline is pumping and his smile is uncontrollable. The whooping and hollering slowly starts to die down, not that either of you heard it while so focused on the other. 

Osamu’s eyes find Suna’s. Suna has his camera out, as per usual, but his face has a small smile on it, and he nods to his best friend. With that, he nudges Akaashi and they walk back to to the family room. 

“Alright alright let’s get going boys. We have games that need to be played.” Homura grabs Bokuto and Hinata by the arm and collar (respectively) after giving a look to you. 

In that moment, Atsumu winked at Osamu while doing the ‘okay’ sign with his hands before walking to the room with everyone else. 

It was a signal the two had established way back in high school, when he and Homura started dating. It was their nonverbal sign of permission to the other twin for guaranteed privacy- which was important in a household of shared rooms and shared, well, everything. 

“What now Samu?” You look up at him, tugging him closer now that everyone else was gone. 

“I’m not done with ya just yet.” He smiles down at you, his eyes mischievous. 

You tilt your head in confusion. 

“I’m throwin ya over my shoulder, okay?” 

“Yes but why-” 

With that, Osamu sweeps you off the floor and throws you over his right shoulder easily.

“I messed up for years of my life, and now I have to make up for lost time. I told ya I’m not done with ya just yet.” 

Osamu proceeds to carry you up the stairs, giggles falling from your mouth. 

He’s gonna make sure you know much he really likes you. He’ll shower you in so much love, there won’t be a doubt left in your mind. 

He promises.

Epilogue- the next day

As the Black Jackals all slept like logs in their rooms, the smell of pancakes and coffee filled the air, attracting some of the other guests.

Some of the other boys, Suna, Akaashi, and Osamu, had all slept over, and were the among the first to find their way to the kitchen. 

“Samu, did Y/N get home ok?” Homura asks him while flipping some pancakes at the stove. 

Rubbing his eyes as he approaches her with a cup of coffee in hand, he nods. “Happy n’ safe.” 

“I’m very glad.”

“Homura-chan, I have a question for ya.” 

“Yes?”

“You knew both of our sides of the story from a long time ago. Why did ya never say anythin’? I’m not mad but I’m tryna figure it out.”

She smiles before saying, “It didn’t feel right. I love you both. A lot, obviously. But I think we both know intervening can... make things worse. A lot worse.”

A shared memory flashes through their minds. 

“And on top of that, I don’t think it would’ve solved the real issue both of you had. I wanted y’all to be happy in a relationship, but that meant y’all would have some barriers to cross. Y’all needed to grow before you could work as a couple. So I figured time would do its work.” 

“Although!!” Atsumu’s bright voice cuts in as he marches into the kitchen, wrapping his girlfriend in his arms, “us not telling you they were coming yesterday was 100% planned.” 

“And not telling me about onigiris?”

“Yeah that was intentional. Had to keep ya away from the house long enough.” 

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill ya, Tsumu.” 

A/N: I hope y’all enjoyed! The ambiguity with Suna, Osamu, and Homura was intentional, so stay tuned!!!

[talkfastromance4]

Forever & a Night//michael clifford

Second NYE chronicles! This is some sweet and fluffy Michael with maybe a pinch of smut who knows🤷🏻‍♀️ I also got very carried away. Oops. reader insert but written as fem!reader

warnings: casual drinking, champagne, first time having sex, reminiscent memories

Masterlist

NYE Chronicles masterlist

Enjoy! feedback is always welcomed :)

• • • •

Michael’s holding your hand as he weaves through the New Year’s Eve traffic. The leftover snow glitters from the neon signs of bars and restaurants that are already flooded with New Year’s Eve celebrators. The radio station is playing the top forty song of the past year, Michael’s thumb rubs over your knuckles and circles the diamond ring that hasn’t left your finger since last New Year’s Eve.

“Remember our first kiss?” he asks you, his voice soft and soothing. 

His voice was one of the many things you love about Michael. The soft timber was the only thing that can calm you down if you’re frantic over a busy schedule, and the scratch of it tickled your ears in the early mornings. 

“Of course I do, it was also the first time we met,” you giggle resting your head on your seat to gaze lovingly at him. The lights on the street flickered over his face, accenting his pretty green eyes and perfectly pink lips. Lips you’ve kissed since you were fourteen years old. 

“You missed my lips the first time,” he chuckles, eyes sliding over to you as he rolls to a stop at a light. 

“I was nervous! You were my first kiss ever.”

**

It happened in the basement of your (at the time) best friend’s house, she was having a New Year’s Eve party and it was your first boy/girl party to attend. It was mainly kids from school so you knew everyone but stayed on the outskirts of the party taking it all in. You were at the snack table when a call for a game of Truth or Dare aroused and you scampered away as fast as you could. 

On the other side of the stairs was the tv where Michael and his best friend Calum were playing video games. Michael had on his signature dark gray beanie, making his face appear more round but you could see his boyish charms were fading into a teenager. At first, you thought he was annoying because he was loud and interrupted the teachers. Then he made a joke that you laughed at during math class and you realized how funny he was. His humor is what attracted you to him in the first place. 

“You got me with a blue turtle? Fuck you,” Michael shoved Calum with his shoulder and your ears rang at the cuss. 

It’s weird hearing people you’ve known since you were six use swear words now. Growing up is weird. 

“Hey, Y/N, you wanna play?” Michael asked and you stared dumbfounded that he asked and that he knew your name. 

“I’m fine watching,” you shrugged, moving to the floor in front of him. You sit cross legged placing your plate of snacks in front of you and start to munch. Knowing your manners, you hold up the plate of goodies. “Want some?”

“Thanks,” he smiled and took a few pieces of popcorn. 

“Is the pizza here yet?” Calum asked, his eyes focused on his character. 

“I don’t think so. I think Casey’s mom just went to pick it up.” 

So there you sat, watching them play Mario Kart ‘64 laughing at their banter and even shouting at Michael to pull away from the wall or to watch out for a banana that’s in his path. The pizza arrived and the three of you remained in the back corner of the basement enjoying your smaller party. 

When midnight neared, Casey shut the lights off so you could watch the ball drop. Michael pulled you to the back away from everyone else and for some reason you had butterflies in your stomach. 

Ten minutes until midnight and Michael moved closer to you so his bicep touched the top of your shoulder. He was very tall and your arm zinged from the contact. 

Five minutes until midnight and he leaned down to your ear.

“Would you maybe wanna be my kiss at midnight?” goosebumps formed on your ear and you never knew that was even possible. You nodded your head, too scared to look at him because you’ve never kissed someone before. “Cool.”

Your nerves were heightened as it ticked closer and closer to midnight. The other kids were becoming louder in anticipation of the new year but you were worried about where to put your hands and how to turn your head so your noses don’t bump. 

The twenty second countdown began and Michael took hold of your hands. His were cool and soft compared to your warm clammy ones. He moved you in front of him, holding you close as his thumbs ran over your skin. It calmed you down a little. 

You stared at each other as it became ten seconds. Your heart was about to beat out of your chest but you were hypnotized by his eyes. 

“FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Party horns and silly string exploded behind you as you leaned up on your toes to give him a quick kiss. You ended up kissing below his lips a little and on his chin but you still felt a shock from the contact. Embarrassed, you buried your face in his hoodie, your face hot.

Michael hugged you back with his cheek resting on the top of your head. 

“Could we try that again, maybe?” he asked politely. 

“Now?!” you squeaked in shock. 

“Or later,” he chuckled. “How about we go back and play video games?”

“Okay.”

He held your hand as he led you back to the tv area and you both sat a little closer to each other on the couch. 

“Hey Y/N?”

“Yeah?” you’re concentrating really hard on the tv screen and your fingers on the controller. Then you feel Michael’s lips smoosh on your cheek in a kiss. You’re frozen. Frozen in shock and heightened senses. 

“Happy New Year.”

**

Michael’s thumb is still rubbing your hand as you both walk into the lobby of the hotel. It’s still decorated from Christmas with a few blue and silver baubles for New Year’s. At the concierge desk stood Calum and his girlfriend who were dressed to the nines for a party they would be attending after the ceremony. Calum was in all black with a gold tie and a top hat to complete the look while his girlfriend had on a pretty silver dress that sparkled in the light. 

“How did we beat you here when it’s your day?” Calum asks.

“Got stuck in party traffic,” Michale laughs. “Love the hat, man. Is the officiant here?”

“Yup, he’s all set. We just have to get you in your dress,” Calum’s girlfriend beams at you. 

“Everything is in the room, right?” you ask, your voice shaking slightly from excitement and nerves. 

“Yes, but you can’t see what it looks like until after the ceremony. Come on, time to primp and pamper you!”

“I’ll see you in about an hour,” Michael says, tugging you against his chest. His long finger pokes your nose before he leans in to give you a soft kiss. “Breathe, baby. This is our day.”

“What are you and Cal gonna do?”

“I’m going to buy him a drink while we wait for you ladies,” Calum grins.

“Okay,” you sigh heavily. “I’ll see you soon.”

You hold each other’s hand until the last possible second, until it’s just your pinkies linked together and then you’re walking towards the elevator and he’s headed to the bar. 

Calum’s girlfriend covered your eyes as you entered the honeymoon suite you and Michael reserved for after the ceremony. You’re sat in a glam chair as someone works on your hair, two other people work on your nails and toes and another does your make-up. They’re all a well oiled machine and you close your eyes, seeing past New Year’s with Michael behind your lids.

On another New Year’s Eve when you were nineteen, you were with Michael at a cabin his parents rented out for the two of you. It became a tradition of yours to order pizza and play video games. But this year...this year was going to be special. When he picked you up in his old car and he kissed you hello, you felt different. 

The whole journey to the cabin was full of this energy you couldn’t quite place. It left you buzzing and in anticipation of what the night would bring. Sensing your feelings, Michael reached over and took your hand bringing it to his lips. You felt a surge of affection as you felt the shakiness of his breath on your knuckles. He was nervous too.

While you played video games and ate, you also had a drink or two as the night progressed. And as the night progressed, you became warm and filled with a burning you’ve never felt before. Michael was in the kitchen opening a bottle of champagne he brought and walked in with two gold flukes.

“For you my lady,” he handed you a glass then poured the bubbly in your glass. It simmered and fizzled the bubbles away while he poured his own. “This is called ‘34+35.’’

“What does that mean?” you asked while taking a sip then smack your lips together at the sweet taste.

“Probably the year? I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Hey! We need to toast first before you drink!”

“Sorry!” 

“To our five year tradition and anniversary,” he smiled looping his arm around yours. “I love you, kitty.”

“I love you, too,” you smiled then you both took a drink.

Two glasses later, you were both laid out on the large couch with Michael nestled between your legs, your lips connected in drunken kisses. Both of you are in your underwear and Michael’s fingers are dipping under the strap of your bra. He pulled it off your shoulder and his lips moved to the free space above your breast. 

The scruff of his beard tickled your skin, his lips so soft on your skin as he kissed it lower, lower, and lower until he pulled the cup of your bra down. Being exposed to the air and his hot breath made your nipple harden. Michael sucked it between his teeth and you gasped at the newfound sensation. His lips puckered around your mound while his tongue flicked and circled your nipple. 

“Does this feel okay?” he asked, his voice a little raspy.

“Good...good,” you nodded squeezing his shoulders, “really good, Mikey.”

After a few more light suckles, he pulled your other cup down and used his mouth in the same fashion. You closed your eyes at the care he was taking with his mouth on you. He palmed your other breast, rolling your peaked nipple between his fingers and you rolled your hips against his trying to tame the heat between your legs. 

Soon after, the rest of your clothes were discarded and you stared a little wide-eyed as he rolled a condom on his hardened dick. He pumped himself twice to make sure it was on properly, his lower lip caught between his teeth. 

“You’re sure?” he asked and you shifted your eyes to his face. 

There was so much love and care in those sea glass eyes. In answer to his question, you dragged him by his neck so he was on top of you. 

“It’s you, Michael. I want you,” you mumbled on his lips. 

It took some time because it was the first time for the both of you. Tears pricked in your eyes as he nudged himself inside you, even with the lube he brought it was forgein to your anatomy but each inch felt better. 

You were both breathing heavily as he adjusted, he was very patient and his careful care made sweat form on his skin. 

“You feel amazing,” he panted closing his eyes. His head drooped to your neck, hot breath fanning your skin and he began to rock. 

Each pull and thrust the burn between your legs lessened and was replaced with a new sensation that made your toes curl. It was special, it was hot, it was all brand new but you loved every minute of it because you and Michael were perfect for each other. 

Afterwards, he poured you both another glass of champagne as you snuggled under the large blanket watching the New Year’s celebration on tv. You hadn’t even realized it was the new year because you were so involved with each other. 

“New Year’s Eve is my favorite holiday,” Michael said.

“You’re just saying that because you got lucky,” you teased taking the bottle from him. 

“Yeah I got lucky. Lucky to have you as my best friend, my girlfriend, and now my lover. New Year’s Eve is our day, babe.”

“Forever?” you asked, holding out your pinky. 

“Forever and a night,” he grinned, linking his pinky with yours.

**

You’re adjusting the flowers in your hand as you walk towards the small party room where Michael is waiting for you. About a year after that first time, Michael started off on his music career and with timing and being on different continents, that was the last New Year’s you spent with him until two years ago. You still were in each other’s orbits silently cheering the other on on social media. 

You met up again on New Year’s Eve at a mutual friend’s party. You stuck by each other like glue, reminiscing and catching up on new adventures you’ve both had. Discussions of break-ups, stupid moments, and other memories occurred and when the ball dropped you were already kissing. 

“It’s just you and him,” Calum’s girlfriend tells you quietly. 

The music starts inside, the doors open and she walks down the small aisle laden with glitter paper and flowers. You adjusted your dress, a pretty champagne color and took a deep breath as you made your way to your best friend. Michael couldn’t keep his eyes off you.

The ceremony was short and simple since it was just the four of you. Michael’s vows made you cry because he brought up past New Year’s Eve moments. He held your pinky the whole time then when you were declared husband and wife, he cradled your face in his hands pressing a soft kiss to your lips. 

Your first kiss as husband and wife.

Photos were taken shortly after, then Calum and his girlfriend were off to finish the rest of the evening at a party. They offered their congratulations and happiness before you and Michael were finally alone. When the elevator doors open, he lifts you in his arms and walks across the threshold into your honeymoon suite.

“I’ll do this again when we’re back home,” he says nuzzling your cheek. 

The room is decorated with roses and candles. Near the window overlooking the city is a table with steak, shrimp, fruit, champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. The meal is delectable, the champagne is your favorite ‘34+35’ brand. Michael snapped pictures of you and you took some of him. Then you took one with your hands over the other capturing your wedding bands. 

“How about we take a bath?” he asks, already scooting his chair from the table. 

The bubbles are warm and so is the bubbly in your flukes. You share kisses that leave your lips tingling and soon you’re in his lap. 

“I’m having deja vu here,” he mumbles moving his lips over your jaw. 

“I hope that’s a good thing.”

“It’s a very good thing.” he sucks on your neck and you gasp. 

Shortly after, you shift back into the suite and fall on top of the dark gold bedspread. Michael rocks into you and you’re filled with overwhelming sensations. He drags his tongue between the valley of your breasts and you gasp out his name when he hits a certain spot. 

Your fingers link and your wedding bands clink together just as fireworks explode outside. It must be midnight. 

“Happy New Year, wife,” he pants, his eyes glazed over as he looks down at you. He gives you a kiss. 

“Happy New Year, husband,” you smile lazily then bite your lip as your toes curl. 

“New Year’s Eve, it’s always been you,” he sighs, knocking his forehead to yours. His hips move at a slower pace. “My best friend, my girlfriend, my lover, my fiancé, and now my wife.”

“New Year’s is ours,” you smile stretching your lips to his in a gentle kiss. “Forever…”

“Forever and a night.”

He lifts your arms over your head, starting the new year the way you know best, connected.

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[theficplug]

Next Lifetime l Erik Killmonger l

previous chapters : Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 part 4

erik killmonger x black reader

part 5 (18+)

“I love you more than you’ll ever know, but because I love you. You know that we can’t stay like this. They’ll find you before nightfall.” you say Erik as he places kisses to your shoulder and wraps his arms around you tighter.

“2 days ago Shuri and Okoye saw you and they’re not just gonna let that go. Iridia and Tika are going to take you with them. Iridia’s dad has a few connections. They can hide you there until I can put an end to this. We both know there won’t be a 3rd chance, Daka, you know that.” you warn and run his fingers up and down your side to try and soothe you. 

“I don’t know if I can do that again. I’ve been without you long enough as it is.. But if that’s what it take. I’mma do it.” he says quietly like the words sit as heavy in his mouth like they do on his heart. 

“Well .. Hey. .. You know , you never really told me what you wanted for Christmas. It’ll technically be a few days afterwards but we make our own rules. I remember saying something about wanting to just go away for a bit. Me and you. After this is all over we can just go. Anywhere you wanna go. Maybe somewhere with snow and mountains and a view that just takes your breath away. Maybe Sweden? We’ll drink hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and bust our ass while trying to ski. We can find new art pieces and i’m not sure of how good the food is there but it’s worth a try. We can do it all. Our whole lives ahead of us.” you say, trying to fill the deafening sound of anxiety that hung in the air.

 “Sweden? I’ve never been there but my dad used to talk about going there when he was younger. My mama would say that she wants us to go visit the island though. She would always talk about beautiful growing up in Kapolei (hawaii) was. I don’t know why I thought you would say somewhere warm. But going somewhere cold gives me a chance to hold you closer. Kiss all over your lil frozen face. We can even put on all them lil cheesy Christmas songs you like. I bet Sweden aint never heard nobody drunk as hell off of hard apple cider singing Santa Clause Is A Black Man at the top of their lungs. But I don’t know about skiing bae. I’d like to keep my ankle bones intact.” N’Jadaka says laughing. 

You put your hand over your eyes before laughing until the point of tears at the fact that of all things he remembers that too. It was one Christmas Eve when he was off duty and back home. Things were different. You knew that things were different between the two of you. 

Your center was freshly opened and you had enough trauma shared between your story, the girls at your center, and Erik to need the relief of several drinks. You were holding onto Erik and singing All I Want For Christmas and soon as Santa Clause Is A Black Man came on you giggled and shook your head. Leave it up to your cousin Aaliyah. You were singing at the top of your lungs along with everyone else before holding a mistletoe over E’s head and leaning in . Before his lips could connect with yours you were heaving all of your lil elf shoes. That holiday part was...interesting.

The way that some of the girls who had accepted the invitation to the holiday party laughed when you walked in. You were branded as the cool auntie from then on. 

“I can’t believe you remember that. And the way I was still trying to be down to try anal that night and you just said to me “if you don’t drink this water and take your tired self to sleep”....You know I love you more than anything, right?” you reassure him while rolling onto his lap and swaying your hips down onto him.

“I do. Do you know that I love you more than anything. I mean I basically moved heaven and hell to come home to you.” he says to you before trailing his hands up from giving your cheeks a squeeze to your sides to take off your shirt.

You two hadn’t bothered with putting on much clothes after coming home and taking a warm bath to soothe your nerves. So there was nothing more than a blanket separating the two of you . 

“Don’t look at me like that.” you whisper to him . 

“What you mean?” N’Jadaka asks dipping his hands in between your legs rubbing at you softly and you lean down to capture his lips with yours. 

“Looking at me like this is the last you’re going to get to do this. I don’t like that…. This is only the beginning my love. So… give me something to hold me over until you come back. Or better yet, fuck me like you mean it.” you whisper against his lips 

“Why don’t you just come with me? We could go and start over.” he suggests

“Daka. You know that we can’t just leave. Things are different now. We have family. I have my girls. I don’t want to live on the run.” your words float in between moans as he begins to scissor his fingers in and out of you and softly massage you with the other while you lean back on your elbows.

“I promise. You’re gonna be alright this time. We’re gonna be just fine. You trust me?” 

He nods his head yes before rolling you over onto your stomach and moving your hips up at an angle so that he can dip into you slowly and then all at once. 

In the wee hours of the next morning you were standing in the kitchen with Iridia, N’Jadaka, and Tika. 

“We still don't really know the hows or the whys. But we don’t need to. You’re our girl and you know that we’d go to hell and back for you if you needed it. And Er- N’Jadaka we know that you may not remember a lot about us now but we got you too.” Tika explains and Iridia nods along while listening to her.

It all still didn’t make sense to all four of you but for some reason life decided to give him a second chance and you wanted to make sure that it was a good one. 

He had already told his parents that he would be back in a few days to a week and that he had finally been accepted that job abroad in Wales. 

Iri and Tika gave you some time to take alone as they watched you both from the door. 

N’Jadaka stood there eyeing you for a second seemingly unsure of the right words to say or what exactly to do. 

“See you later , alligator.” you say to him and watch his face break into the sunshine-y smile that was usually hidden under worry lines and pout on his lips in the past. 

He didn’t get all of his memory or what happened to him, yet but he remembered you and for now that was enough. 

“In a while crocodile.” he says before pulling you into his arms and in for a kiss. 

“Alright , alright. Lover boy , the sooner , the better.” Tika reminds you both and you nod before smoothing out his hoodie and sending him on his way before you changed your mind and left with them.

You paced around your home for days  trying to keep yourself busy. You cleaned. You went over plans to expand the housing projects. You even tried doing yoga and meditation to help soothe yourself. 

2 days later, the knock at your door came as no surprise. You were sitting at the small dining table slowly sipping on the cup of coffee to soothe your nerves. 

You look through the peephole to see Okoye, Shuri, 2 of the Dora Milaje, and T’Challa standing shoulder to shoulder while whispering amongst themselves. 

“The King himself. Tea or coffee?” you ask as you open the door and they storm in after Okoye.

“Where is he?” Okoye asks as two of the women shoves you back and out of the way with their spears slightly and you set your eyes from them to T’Challa with a raise of an eyebrow.

You accessed the situation and realized that it wouldn’t be wise for you to lose your composure now. 

While smoothing out your hair, you turn your attention to T’Challa. “This is still my home and I would ask that you’d hold the same level of respect that I would have for yours.” you warn and sit down at the kitchen table again , sipping slowly on your coffee. 

They rip through the home, checking every room for any sign of Erik, leaving nothing in their paths unchecked. 

You slide the other cup towards T’Challa and he sits at the table with you before asking Shuri and Okoye to relax.

He takes a look at the cerulean coffee mug and then back at you while tapping his fingers on the table. 

“If I were going to kill you T’Challa, I would’ve done it already. You fell asleep in my arms for months. I could’ve done it then.  Or have you forgotten me already? Seems like you have been keeping tabs on me. You found me in two days.” you start the uneasy conversation off slowly.

You and T’Challa dated for some time when you met while working on a similar project in the area. E hadn’t told you everything at that point about Wakanda and what happened so you had virtually no idea who T’Challa was. Your relationship with Erik was on the rocks when he left for the army and he was already seeing someone else so you thought that it’d be alright to move forward with yours as well. 

After dating for a few months, you and T’Challa both decided that with your conflicting schedules and different life paths that it wouldn’t work out between the two of you and you both decided to end things on good terms. Looking back on it you thought the problem was distance and where you both stood in life, but now you’d say the world is a lot smaller than you thought. You never connected the dots until it was too late. Your heart still belonged to N’Jadaka but T’Challa still had a soft spot for you. He also knew more about you in that short time than a lot of people did. 

He chuckles softly and accepts the cup of coffee. He sips the warm drink slowly while eyeing you. The silent conversation spoke loudly as his eyes never left yours. 

“How’ve you been?” you ask him cautiously trying to see where the conversation is going to go.

“Uthando (love), I thought that you would’ve outgrown him by now. You know that he’s a prisoner of Wakanda and is a threat to society. Where is he, hmm?” T’Challa questions in that calming tone that he has always had. The honey-tongued, brown eyed devil could talk a starving bear into not attacking. 

“I love him, T. I couldn’t have ever outgrown him. I have loved him since we were children and I know he’s not a perfect man. He’s made some horrible choices. Ones that he could never take back. I can’t explain what happened. I don’t even have the words for it to try and explain it to myself. All I can say is that he’s home with me now and we’re trying to build something. He’s not trying to harm anyone.” you plead before leaning up and grabbing his hands in yours gently.

“That’s bullshit. He sure as hell wanted to harm the last time we met.” Shuri retorts from her position by the window. 

Okoye tenses up and steps forward while quickly looking from T’Challa to you and back to him. 

He nods at her before giving her a small smile and a quiet “it’s alright”. She reluctantly huffs and stands back with her arms crossed. 

“And would you have executed your father for the blood he has on his hands. Because his body count is sitting at 2. One for N’Jobu, his brother and one for N’Jadaka , his nephew. Your father was a murderer. His hands were not clean. ” your voice wavers as you try to get her to see things from your perspective.

Shuri let’s out a  loud scoff and then a defeated sigh as she stands near the kitchen window and tries to wrap her head around the words leaving your mouth.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. . . I apologize. I’m saying we can sit here and talk about good and bad. The innocent and the evil all night. But at the end of the day we all exist in the grey. We can all just hope that we leave this world better than we found it. T’Challa, Shuri, you can set it right. You can give him the life that he was robbed of. Could you imagine being a confused little boy trying to comfort your father as he took his last breaths? You were allowed to look at your father as a hero, a leader, and you were comforted by hot chocolate at night when you couldn’t sleep and the dreams of one day becoming The Great Black Panther. He had nothing.Wakanda failed him once. I’m asking that you please don’t fail him again. ” you explain while looking him in the eyes. 

“He had you… I know you and I know your heart. But I also know Killmonger-” he says before you cut him off.

“YOUR COUSIN. COUSIN. FAMILY. YOUR OWN BLOOD.” you raise your voice as you sit the baby pink mug down and back away from the table.

You take a moment to gather yourself as you turn away from the 3 Wakandans. 

“My father did what he had to do.” T’Challa says setting her gaze on you and then back to Okoye whose jaw is clenched so tightly you thought that she’d burst a vein. 

“And now so will you. Your father was a coward and his policies were bullshit. But you have the power to do something about it. Shuri, what would you do if it were T’Challa in those shoes. N’Jadaka isn’t perfect. I know that he has done some shameful things. But if you were in his shoes. What would you have done? Wakanda failed him and all I’m asking is for you to set it right. Let us live our lives in peace. You’ll never have to hear a single thing from us again. For fucks sake T. You know that I did what I had to do. When we first met. How did really  meet me? Frantic in a diner … After I had just emptied the clip into a father on behalf of a girl that showed up at my center’s doorstep looking like a piece of her soul had been stolen from her that night. We do not exist in the black or white. A lot of us are floating in the grey. I’m not asking you to play God and absolve him of his “sins”. I’m asking you to find some humanity.” You garner and wipe at the tears falling freely on your cheeks  and look to all 3 of the faces staring back at you. 

Okoye and the other 2 Doras look at you wide eyed before turning their heads to wipe a lone tear from their own eyes. 

You drop your arms as T’Challa steps closer and asks for permission to hug you. He embraces you for a moment before grabbing your hands and kissing them gently. 

“I will have to confirm this with the council. He reports back to Wakanda every 3 times a year to show the progress he has made. We want to know that he’s doing something with this … second life. . . And I will be expecting an invite to the wedding from you. You have my word." He promises and you nod before hugging him back fully and squeezing him gently. 

"But you ca-" Shuri says and T'Challa turns to her and shakes his head. 

He lets go of you to walk over and comfort Shuri .

"We can't carry the sins of our father. This has to end with us." He reasons and she nods. 

Okoye steps in and walks over to you to get her last message across. "If he does not abide by the promises and plans that you have made… Then, you know that I will not hesitate." She warns as she stands with you eye to eye. 

You bare your teeth and square your shoulders as you narrow your gaze. "For him, well, you know neither will I. You have a good day Miss Okoye." You end the conversation and turn to walk towards the door and usher them out. 

You lean up to kiss T'Challa's cheek before whispering to him to not be a stranger this time. You even offer to have him and Nakia over for dinner whenever the tension doesn't run so high. 

You quickly make it inside of your apartment and drop your shoulders before letting out a small sob. It was a wash of relief and a fleet of happy tears. N'Jadaka was finally able to start over and start over with you.  

"Holy shit-"

(tag list :  @doublesidedscoobysnacks @chaneajoyyy @mirandkimy​ @doitforthevine67 @dasia21 @depressionandfandomsinc @sinfully-dope @ambitionwood @heybriheyyy @wholelotta-melanin @theesotericqueen @mbakuwife @spookys-girl @teardropzih @bigchoose @ceo-of-baby @sweetpeachjones @lost-ssoull @love17us @beautifullmelodyxx​ @ghostfacekill-monger​ @shyblackgurl​ )

[mymelodyheart]

All I Want For Christmas Is You  Chapter 1 ~Sparks Will Fly~

Notes

Hey guys, I'm back with a Christmas Ficlet, "All I Want For Christmas Is You," starring our favourite couple, Jamie and Claire.

It won't be my usual long story, but it's my wee gift to my readership who'd been following my journey in writing and always encouraging me with their insightful comments and kudos. 

Please don't be disheartened when I don't always reply back to your comments, as I spend every spare time I have writing. When I'm not writing, I'm dealing with this thing called life and taking care of my loves. But I promise you, I always look forward to reading your feedback, and if you have any questions of any sorts, I will answer them. If you see any mistakes or you wish to impart something I'm doing wrong or give me some ideas, please bear in mind I welcome constructive criticism, and I welcome opinions. I would even thank you for it, and I promise you I won't take it personally. The reason I say this is because I wholeheartedly wish to improve my writing and what a better way when my readers can share their thoughts with me. 

Without further ado, I wish you all happy reading.

If you wish to read this on AO3, here is the link.

James Fraser stepped into the pub followed by his older brother Willie. Although it was still early evening, there was already a small crowd all hyped up into a party mode. The multiple flat TV screens on the walls were showing world championship darts without the sounds. Instead, the speakers blared with Wham's Last Christmas song with the random interference from the resident DJ. While a handful of men milled around the bar holding their pints, the women sat at the table chattering animatedly and sipping long drinks and port. With Christmas Eve only two days away, there was a sense of excitement and goodwill in the air, typical of the festive season.

"Check out those birds at three o'clock."

Jamie cocked his head at Willie's words.

Two wide-eyed bonnie lassies stood next to the pool table sipping cocktails as if awaiting their turn for a game. Living in a tight community where everyone knew everybody and their business, Jamie immediately discerned the girls were visitors.

Willie unzipped his jacket. "I saw blondie first."

Jamie followed his brother's line of sight, but his eyes darted back to the dark-haired lass with the palest skin he'd ever seen, her tresses done up in a messy bun. Her long legs, accentuated by tight black jeans, grabbed his complete attention. She had a cropped red cable-knit sweater on and boots caked with mud which meant she must have been watching the shinty game earlier along with the rest of the village folks.

"Bloody hell, look at her," Willie murmured.

Blondie wore a purple turtle neck top that showed off her nice breasts, and jeans that hugged her hips snuggly. Jamie grinned. "Och, ye like 'em curvy, but I like her mate more. Shall we talk to them?"

"Aye, let's do that before one of those lads get there first." 

Jamie made a move forward.

"Hang on a minute," Willie's hand slapped across Jamie's chest, stopping him mid-saunter. "Yer ex ... she's back here for the holidays. She's sat at the bar with her mates. Are ye sure ye're ready for this?"

"Aye, aye. It's been over between us for ages," Jamie replied, not taking his eyes off the dark-haired lass. He hadn't thought about his ex for a long time and whatever he thought he'd felt for her back then, was nothing but a distant memory.

"This is just a bit of fun, alright? Dinnae get to attached. Blondie and her mate are probably tourists."

Willie had seen him go through hell over a year ago with his ex, who he thought had been the one for him. She had turned his life upside down, affecting his job, and his ability to stay sober after she'd cheated on him. Once Jamie got his act together, he'd sworn off serious relationships and decided to concentrate on work.

"Fun. Fun sounds good," Jamie muttered. When Willie didn't release him, he looked at his brother square in the eyes. "How about ye?"

"What about me?"

"Ye haven't chatted up a lass in a very long time. Are ye sure you still know how to?" Jamie asked, trying to keep a straight face.

Willie shoved his shoulder and feigned offence. "Ye cheeky git! Cannae chat any lass up when I know everyone here, now, can I?" 

Jamie nodded toward the two girls. "Weel, what are we waiting for?" He took a deep breath and kinked his head sideways to the left and then to the right. "If we're just gonnae stand here like a couple of numpties and discuss, we'd be too late by the time we get there."

"Mmm, never seen ye this eager to meet a lass before," Willie grinned.

Jamie looked back at the women and noticed they were beginning to garner attention from the lads nearby. The dark-haired one made a move around the pool table followed by her mate, and he was powerless to stop his gaze wandering down to the gentle curve of her arse.

Willie straightened his posture. "Let's go," he exhaled as he made a move.

Jamie followed suit and lined up next to his brother. As they got closer, he watched as the dark-haired lass skirted past a group of pool players with a polite smile, then wrote her initials in chalk on a blackboard mounted to the wall, claiming the next game. CB, she scrawled.

She wrinkled her nose and laughed at something her friend said as she started moving towards the bar. Jamie's frown deepened when the lass didn't see the sports bag put into her path. A few steps more, and she would trip and fall flat on her face. But not if he could help it.

"Hey!" Jamie shouted, abandoning Willie's side. "Hey, ye!"

She took another step, looking over her shoulder to acknowledge what her friend was shouting at her.

"Ah, fuck!" Jamie gritted his teeth and hurried towards her in quick long strides. He had no choice but to jostle a couple of bodies out of his way as she showed no signs of hearing him. He caught her as her foot connected with the bulky bag, his arms sliding under hers and pulling her up.

Her forehead bounced off his chin. "Oh, Lordy, Lordy." She let out a lungful of air and dug her fingernails into his forearms, her breath on his neck feeling like a double shot of heat warming his insides. "I'm such a clumsy oaf."

"Hey mate, shoved that bag under the table will ye, before someone breaks their neck," Jamie shouted over the top of her head at the owner of the bag, his voice sounding a tad harsh. With her front plastered against him, Jamie could almost feel her shock subside, giving way to the vibration of her laughter. Still holding her close, he puffed out a sigh and whispered into her ears. "Next time, ye should look at where ye're going. Ye could have landed on yer face, and that wouldn't have been a pretty sight."

Still laughing, her shoulders shook, presumably finding the situation hilarious. "We left our Airbnb earlier in a hurry, and my contact lenses are at the bottom of my suitcase. I'm farsighted, you see, but I'm too vain to wear my specs."

"Enough to fall flat on yer face? "

A few heartbeats passed. "If I say yes, are you going to start yelling again?"

"Aye."

"Alright then ...no."

Realising he still held the lass in a firm grip, Jamie let her go slowly to reassure himself she was steady on her feet. She kept her head down as she took a step back to rummage through the handbag slung on her shoulder. When she got hold of what she was looking for, she put on a pair of specs and blinked up at him through round, black-rimmed eyeglasses. As their eyes met, he felt something crank in his chest. He must still be wound up from the shinty game earlier because, on a sucked-in breath, an uneven sound passed through his mouth. A Dhia. She had the most beautiful amber eyes, and they reminded him of the colour of the finest heavily peated single malt whisky, Islay had to offer. 

"Oooh!" she whispered. 

Aye, tell me about it. "What's yer name?"

"You're one of the shinty players from earlier."

"Uh-huh." He tamped down the urge to laugh. "Yer name?" he repeated.

If the spellbound look in her eyes meant she was stunned by what she saw, she wasn't the only one. "Oh, yes. Sorry. I'm Claire. Beauchamp. Claire Beauchamp."

"Claire." For some reason, colour bloomed in her face when he said her name. "I'm Jamie Fraser."

"Hi." After a few seconds of just staring at each other, she recovered first and slapped a hand to her forehead. "Oh, shoot, where are my manners? Thank you. Thank you for saving me from an undignified fall." Her lips twitched, and her eyes twinkled. "If I had died of embarrassment, at least no one would care since nobody knows me here."

"I would care." Someone collided into him from behind, making him close the distance between them and her head tilt back to maintain eye contact. She was a tall lass, but still, he was a head taller than her. "So ... ye're here on holiday?" he asked.

"Yes, I am ...until Boxing Day. And then we're going to Edinburgh for Hogmanay. And then flying back to London on Three Kings from Glasgow." He heard her swallow. "I have a thing for Christmas in Scotland, you see."

"Is that so? What else do ye have a thing for?"

"Probably a lot of other stuff," she whispered, clutching her handbag in front of her. "But I'm having difficulty thinking of them right this minute."

"And why is that?" God, she's breathtakingly beautiful.

"I guess I'm still rattled by that near fall." She shrugged her shoulders, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "Or have you forgotten all about that already?"

Jamie couldn't stop his grin. "No, not at all." In his periphery, he saw his brother and Claire's friend chatting. He wondered if he could whisk Claire away. This lass is something else. She wasn't staying here for very long, and he wanted to get to know her and make every second count.

He cleared his throat. "Look, Sassenach ..." 

"Sassenach?"

He felt heat glid at the back of his neck. "Sorry ... it's a Gaelic word. It means an outsider or someone from not around here. In case ye misunderstood, it's not my intention to make it sound like ye're not welcome here. Let's just say I meant it as a pet name. Endearment, if ye will."

He regarded her as her eyes searched his face, and she made no effort at all to hide her perusal of his lips. When a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, and her eyes lit up into a wicked glint, his chest expanded a hundred-fold. "I like the sound of that ...Sassenach," she breathed as she rolled the Gaelic word in her tongue.

"Mmm, so, you're from London, huh?"

She shoved her hands in the back pocket of her jeans and rocked back on her heels. "Yeah. I'm originally from Oxford. But I live and work in London as an editorial assistant for a publishing company. How about you? What do you do, besides playing shinty?"

"I'm a tree surgeon. My brother and I run an arboricultural business."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Oh, wow! I've never met a tree surgeon before. So I guess you must love your job to make it into a business?"

"Aye, I do," he smiled, basking in her open interest in his life. "I love the outdoors and the fresh air, whatever the weather. How about ye? Do ye like yer job?"

She paused and frowned in contemplation. "It's alright," she shrugged. "It's a job that will bring me closer to fulfilling a dream, I guess. I want to be a fulltime writer one day ..."

It was his turn to be surprised. "Maybe ye should move to the countryside if ye want to be a writer. Far too many distractions in London, don't ye think?"

She grinned. "Yeah, I suppose so. But I'm enjoying London at the moment, and I'm not quite ready to give up the city life. Just yet. Maybe one day." She glanced at her watch. "Umm ...you must have somewhere to go."

He wasn't ready to let her walk away, so he forced a worried cast into his face. "Eh, ye look still shaken up. We should probably get ye something stiff to drink ...and my phone number."

Her eyes widened, and after a tense split second, laughter burst out of her lips, loud enough to turn heads in their vicinity. She brought her hand over her mouth to stifle the giggle but failed. The sound was so infectious, his own low rumble accompanied it, and he couldn't help but think, there's never been a time he felt such a powerful connection with another person. 

"Actually I'm with my mate here," Claire said finally, jerking a thumb over her shoulder and twisting around to the direction of where her friend stood. "She's my French flatmate. But it looks like she's already found someone to talk to." She paused and squinted her eyes. "Oh ...I recognise that bloke she's with. He played shinty too, didn't he?"

He waved at Willie and signalled him and Claire's friend to come over. "Aye, that's my older brother." 

Claire's gaze shot right back to him. "Really?" With a smile that showed off perfect teeth, she pushed her specs higher on her nose. "I wouldn't have thought. I don't have a sibling, and I just presumed your whole family would have the same gorgeous auburn hair like yours. Well, alright ..." She crimsoned to her hairline as she looked at his approaching brother. "I see some similarities now ...height, broad shoulders and the colour of your eyes."

Jamie felt a pinch of unease. Even though her vivacity was endearing, he wasn't ready to feel drawn to anyone this deeply or to care at such an alarming rate and intensity. After his last relationship broke down, there hadn't been anyone that piqued his interest ...until now. And she would be leaving in a few days. Chatting to her was only meant to be a night of enjoying the company of a beautiful lass or perhaps a diversion in whom he could lose himself into for a short time. But the moment he'd looked into her eyes, warm feelings drove into his heart while burning urges grew low in his tummy. This lass was a breath of fresh air and sexy and exactly what he needed. He mentally shook his head to clear his brain. Looking beyond the top of her head, he blurred the image of seeing this as something more. The long-distance relationship was a no-go. He was a country lad at heart, and she belonged to the city.

"Jamie?" She was staring at him as if he'd lost some of his ability to think clearly.

"I'm sorry ...still listening. It's just that I'm not used to a beautiful lass pointing out my physical attributes," he reassured her with a smile.

That beautiful blush blew across her face again. Jamie found it adorable. How could she be direct and shy at the same time? "I didn't mean to sound so bold. It must have something to do with me living in the city for so long ...you know, us Londoners tend to have no filters."

He winked at her. "Dinnae fash, lass. I kinda like it." And he meant it. 

She was about to respond when Willie and Claire's friend reached them, huge smiles painted across their faces like they'd hit it off.

The blonde girl took a step forward towards Jamie. "Hi! Claire and I enjoyed watching you guys play shinty earlier. I didn't realise it would be so aggressively physical. By the way, I'm Annalise," she smiled warmly, holding out her hand.

Jamie took it. "Aye, that it is and difficult to play when the grounds are too soggy. It could get pretty messy in this dreich weather." He shook her hand. "I'm Jamie ...please to meet ye."

"Likewise," Annalise replied, glancing at her friend.

Willie introduced himself to Claire, then brought his attention to their situation. "Looks like yer glasses are empty, ladies. Can we invite ye both to join us for a drink?"

Jamie saw Annalise elbow Claire with a conspiratorial look. When Claire nodded, Annalise batted her eyes at his brother. "Sure. That would be nice. I'd like a vodka and tonic please."

Willie grinned like he'd just received an early Christmas present and Jamie understood the feeling.

"Sassenach, what would ye like to drink?" 

Before Claire could reply, Hugh, one of the lads in his shinty team, tapped her on the shoulder. "It's ye against me now, lass."

Claire swung around and looked at the cue stick being handed to her, and her eyes lit. Turning back to Jamie, she grinned. "This won't take long, but I'll have a single malt, neat, please." Then she stood on her tiptoes and gave him a peck on the cheek. "This is for good luck."

He froze. It was an innocent kiss, but it packed quite a punch.

"Oh ...and yeah, it's a belated thank you again for breaking my fall," she quickly added, suddenly, appearing unsure like she doubted the gesture.

A slow grin roused to form on his lips. "Ye can thank me by going out with me ...tonight," he said, without thinking.

She blinked.

"I'd like to show ye something."

Her brows wrinkled as she studied his face.

"I'd really like to get to know ye better and take ye out," he said. "Please allow me." If she said no, he was quite certain he was going to beg.

"Alright."

He smiled as relief surged through him. "I'll wait for you until ye finish yer game," he said. "We'll leave after we've had a drink with my brother and yer friend."

"Where are you taking me?"

"Somewhere Christmassy."

She gave him a wary look, and he laughed. 

"Listen." He leaned in close. "I'll get yer friend to take a picture of my driving licence if that will make ye feel better."

He was about to pull out his wallet to retrieve it when she stopped him with a wave of a hand. "I trust you."

"That's a good start."

She rolled her eyes and laughed, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from her.

Slowly backing away from him, she smiled. "Let me play this one game first, and then I'll be with you."

With his heart in his throat, he watched her progress as she walked towards the pool table and swapped a few quick words with her opponent, who seemed to be humouring her. After the lively exchange, Claire pulled up the sleeves of her sweater to her elbow and rubbed her hands together. Before she began chalking the cuestick, she gave him a wink. That mere display made the muscles in his belly clench, literally whooshing the breath out of him. 

A slap on his back tore his gaze away from Claire. "Easy now lad," Willie said in a low, amused voice. "Ye look like ye could use the same drink as her."

Jamie glanced back at the subject of their conversation. "Aye, but make mine a double," he whispered.

"On it," Willie replied, laughing as he walked off.

What the bloody hell? He should be withdrawing himself away from this attraction because this mad instant bond between them was like an overloaded electrical fuse, capable of incinerating him alive. He'd already learnt his lesson from his last relationship. He'd been there and done that, but yet he didn't have the will to stop himself from finding out how their connection would play out.

Oh, Christ, this is bad. So, so bad, I'm in so much big trouble. Taking a huge sigh, he found himself a stool nearest to the pool table and watched Claire steal the show from the best snooker player in Broch Mordha.

[everybodyscupoftea]

sleepover?

ole miss rafe x reader

first christmas together

(warnings: cursing, tiny bit of drinking, no editing)

During Rafe’s Christmas party with his boys, he disappeared into another room to take a phone call. He’d been drinking and had a nice buzz going on, so you weren’t sure exactly how much of the conversation he was going to remember, but when he came back, his mood had dampened and he looked significantly more sober.

You didn’t want to ask in front of his friends, so instead you passed him your bottle of water. He took it thankfully and started drinking, standing to go get both of you another when he finished it. By the time people were starting to Uber home, he looked completely sober, but still handed you the keys to drive back to his apartment anyway.

The silence in the car was heavy, you wanted to ask, but everything was so new, you weren’t sure if he’d actually tell you. Eventually curiosity won out, “Alright, Cameron, you wanna talk about it.” 

He huffed out a laugh at Cameron, he always got a kick out of it, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. After a few seconds, he answered, “Yeah. My dad called.” 

Rafe’s family was a subject he typically avoided, you hadn’t really had that conversation, you just knew that it was touchy for him, so you typically avoided it. But he’d opened the jar, so you decided to press further, “What did he say?” 

“He asked for my Christmas plans. I told him I was thinking about coming home because I haven’t been in a while. He asked about how school was going, if it would be logical to come home. I told him it was break and I had no work. Then he informed me that if I didn’t come home as soon as break started, then I clearly didn’t care enough about them, so he didn’t want to see me out of obligation.” 

You blinked a few times, trying to follow his dad’s logic, “I’m sorry, I don’t think I follow.” 

“He made up a bullshit excuse for me to not come. My father has never forgiven me for changing my major.” 

Though you’d parked, you were fine with having the conversation in the car, but he seemed ready to go upstairs to his apartment. So, the two of you walked up, giving you time to think up your next question.

Once inside, you asked, “What did you change your major from?”

He sighed, kicking his shoes off, “I’m sure you noticed that I’m a fifth year senior.” 

“I have.” 

“I started out in business. My dad wanted me to take over his company when I finished, and since he was paying for my school, who was I to say no.” 

Your heart sank as he continued, “I fucking hated it. My classes were awful, I wasn’t grasping the material. My dad was calling me several times a week threatening to stop paying my tuition if I couldn’t get my shit together.” 

He let out a shuddering sigh and scratched the back of his neck, “Eventually, I had a breakdown in my advisor’s office, mid fourth semester. She helped me take a test to figure out what my strengths were and what I should do because I clearly wasn’t going to succeed in management.” 

Rafe sat down at a bar stool, socked foot kicking at the floor, “I’d taken a gen ed history class that I’d done really well in. My advisor helped me switch my major, she told me my dad would never know. But somehow, he found out. He always does. And I lost my tuition money.” 

“What the fuck,” you stepped closer and brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes.

“Yeah, I had a job at that point for rent. I had to get another and take out loans, but at least I was finally happy with what I was doing.” 

“That’s great,” you whispered.

“It is. The material is so much easier to grasp and I actually really enjoy it. I’m so thankful for my advisor, I don’t know what would’ve happened or where I’d be without her help. It’s taken me an extra year to catch up, but I did it.” 

“You did. That’s so impressive, being two years behind and only needing a year to catch up. While also working two jobs.” 

“My dad may hate my major, but I thought he’d at least appreciate my new work ethic. Guess not.” 

“Fuck him. You don’t need him anyway.” 

Rafe finally smiled at you, an amused look in his eyes, “Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah. Your family sucks, so you should spend Christmas with me instead.” 

“You aren’t going home?” 

“Unfortunately, no. I have work on the 24th and the 26th and it’s not worth making a trip home for one day.” 

Smiling softly, he nodded, “Okay, yeah. Let’s do Christmas together.” 

-

You went back to Starkville for the next few days leading up to Christmas. You and Rafe were too new in your opinion to spend that many days pretty much living together, so he was going to drive down and meet you on Christmas Eve.

Which of course meant you went straight to panic mode. Were the decorations enough or were they too much? After  two nights in a row of stress baking, you called your roommate for help.

She picked up with a sigh, and you realized it was past 2 a.m.

“Hello?”

“Why are you awake?” you blurted.

“Why are you awake?” she fired back.

“I’m freaking out,” you confessed, sitting on the edge of your bed in an attempt to stop pacing.

She snorted, “Yeah, I can tell. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Rafe is coming over for Christmas. Should I cook or get takeout? Are my decorations enough? What if it’s too soon?”

“Do you want to cook a big meal for the two of you? And like, how chill do you want it to be?”

“Pretty chill. It’s not like a formal event.”

“Okay, so do sweatpants and sweaters, and get takeout. Something you both like or if you’re feeling sentimental, something similar to what you ate on your first date. What decorations do you have up?”

You felt much better already, “I have our tree up and the lights we strung up.”

“That’s probably plenty, especially if it’s going to be casual.”

“You’re right.”

She laughed, “Always am.”

“I know, that’s why I come to you with all my problems.”

“Oh, it’s not just because of convenience?”

You scoffed, “No fucking way, I’d come to you even if it wasn’t convenient.”

Her conversation reassured you, and you put up a few more decorations, “Only a wreath and some stockings,” you promised your roommate a few nights later over the phone.

Rafe showed up mid afternoon on Christmas Eve after your morning shift and walked straight into your arms when the door opened. He let out a shaky breath, pressing his forehead into your collarbone for a few seconds before pulling back enough to kiss you.

“What’s up Cameron?”

“Hey, sweetheart, missed you.”

“I missed you too,” and to your surprise, you were telling the truth. You liked having Rafe around all the time it seemed.

He squeezed your upper arms before stepping away, “What’s the plan?”

“Gonna chill and get takeout. I did get you a gift,” you answered, a little nervously.

The gift was something you debated heavily, but you saw something you thought Rafe would like, so you grabbed it, not expecting anything at all in return.

He chuckled, “Got you one too.”

“Wow, our minds.”

The two of you spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch watching Christmas movies. It was a slow and sleepy afternoon, the most easy going day you’d had in awhile, but for some reason you just couldn’t relax.

Around 7:00, Rafe finally broke, “Okay, what’s up?”

“Um, what?” you were taken aback.

“You’re squirmier than usual. And you’re kind of flinching away every time I shift closer.”

“I’m not,” you tried to deflect, but it sounded weak, even to you.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“I-” you sighed, “I’m not uncomfortable. I just feel like maybe this is a little fast.”

“What is?”

“Spending a holiday together. We haven’t even been together a month.”

He raised his eyebrows, “Technically today is a month.”

Your cheeks heated a little, “Fine, it’s been a month. But it’s still so soon.”

“I’m not really sure how to reassure you here. Other than that it’s like spending a holiday with your friend. There are no strings attached here, I’m not moving in or asking you to marry me tomorrow. We’re just keeping each other company since neither of us can be with our families.”

You processed for a few seconds, “You’re right.”

“It’s just a sleepover.”

“You’re right.”

He smirked, “I know I am.”

“Shut up,” you groaned, shoving at his shoulder before unpausing the movie.

It was easier to relax after that. He was right, just like your first Christmas with your roommate. After a few minutes he cleared his throat, “I can sleep on the couch if that’ll make you more comfortable.”

Immediately you were shaking your head, “Nope, just like a sleepover.”

Rafe smiled, cheeks a little red, “Just like a sleepover.”

~

day 14 of @obxmermaid​‘s holiday challenge: your family sucks, spend christmas with me instead

[redhawtriot]

Master List✨✨✨

This master-list is a directory (of sorts [look, I tried my best]) of the all of the stories/head canons posted on this page!

SFW=👌

NSFW =💞

Fluff=❤️

Angst=😭

Humor=😂

💞 😂  Endeavor Suga Baby Series: Oneshots and shit posts about being endeavors suga baby lol. (Enji Todoroki x Reader)

Part1 Part2 Part3

👌😂❤️ Crush Journal: How tododeku (separately) would confess to their crushes. a.k.a. Izuku takes notes on how to be the perfect SIMP (Deku x reader Todoroki x Reader)

👌❤️ Bunny: Read this if you have a thing for being called bunny (Todoroki x reader, Bakugou x reader)

👌😂❤️ Art and Oreos: How our two top students deal with having a civilian girlfriend (Bakugou x Reader, Todoroki x Reader)

👌😂❤️ Problem Child: After the cute stage every parent has to eventually deal with a shitty teen. BNHA characters as parents (Midoriya, Shinsou, Bakugou, Iida, Kirishima) 

😂 What up my name’s ‘Gerund’ I’m 19 and I never FUCKING learned how to read.  Lord, bless this mess (Kaminari x Reader) 

👌😂❤️ Koala: You don't want your bed to get cold a.k.a. Todoroki with a clingy ass significant other (Todoroki x Reader)

💞 😭 Nobody’s Hero: Ground Zero saves you from being mugged one night and can’t seem to let you go. Warning: slight non/con (Yandere Bakugou x Reader)

😭 Mirror Images: Warning: mentions of still birth. (Bakugou x Reader)

👌😂❤️ Missed Call form Blasthole: Your first time being invited to spend the night with your boyfriend (Bakugou x Reader)

👌😂❤️��Shinsou Shits: You and your husband, Bakugou, are tasked with babysitting the twin seeds of Satan (Bakugou x Reader ft.Mina x Shinsou)

👌😂 Wanna Win?: Kirishima asks for Bakugou’s help to find the words to tell you that he loves you, but things don’t exactly go according to plan... (Kirishima x Reader ft Kiribaku)

💕😂 Operation Unvirgin:  Bakugou never bothered with girls. He’s got too much shit to deal with; however, he finds himself in a world of cognitive dissonance when he hears that his rival is about to lose “it” before him. hWHAT? That loser is gonna beat him in something?! He thinks that FUCK NOT. (Bakugou x reader)

👌😂❤️ Whose Manz is this?!: You get a box of chocolates and a love note from a little broccoli head boy and let’s just say... it truly does take a village to raise a child. (’Izuku Midoriya being wing-manned by class 1-A’ x Reader)

👌❤️ Grey Area: You are beginning to feel a little jealous over Todoroki, but it shouldn’t matter because you're just friends... right? (Todoroki x Reader ft TodoMomo)

Valentines Weekend: Just random, unrelated short stories, headcanons and drabbles for all your loving needs. (BNHA x reader [Look. there is over 23 “x reader” pairings in this! I cant name each one])

Part 1: type (HCS) (👌😂❤️)

Part 2: food play (💞)

Part 3: Things my boyfriend has said to me (👌❤️😂)

👌😭 Two Birds on a Wire: Hawks unexpectedly finds himself falling for love with a villain during his time as a double agent. How will he handle having to betray the woman he loves? trilogy (Hawks x Reader feat. Shigaraki, Dabi, Twice, and minor OCs)

Part 1, 

💞😂❤️ Deprived: They fucked up and you take it upon yourself to teach them a lesson in the coldest way possible: putting your body on lock down. How the hell are they gonna survive? (Todoroki x Reader, Bakugou x Reader, Midoriya x Reader, Iida x Reader)

👌❤️😂 Curly Hair Headcanons: (HCS) Let’s see how these boys do with a girlfriend who has curly hair... (Todoroki x Reader, Bakugou x Reader, Kirishima x Reader)

👌❤️😂Plant Daddy: Bakugou with a significant other who is obsessed with plants-- fragile, defenseless plants… I am sure nothing will go wrong there. (Bakugou x Reader)

👌😭When Cheated On Part 1: Shinsou finds out that you have been cheating on him. (Shinsou x Reader)

👌😭When Cheated On Part 2: Bakugou finds out that you have been cheating on him. (Bakugou x Reader)

👌😂❤️Tinder Games: You like to play tinder for fun, and it is all fun in games until a certain someone swipes right for you… (Bakugou x Reader, Iida x Reader, Todoroki x Reader, Midoriya x Reader, Kaminari x Reader, Kirishima x Reader)

👌😂❤️Drunk in Love: New Years Eve Special! Can any of these messes properly handle their liquor? Find out! (Bakugou x Reader, Midoriya x Reader, Yaoyorozu x Reader, Todoroki x Reader, Kirishima x Reader, Shinsou x Reader)

👌😂❤️Bad Dreams Fluff n Stuff: You wake up from a bad dream crying and Bakugou has to unclog his emotional constipation to support you. (Bakugou x Reader)

👌😂❤️Holiday Edition: Christmas with your boyfriend’s family is always a spectacle… (Bakugou x Reader)

👌😂❤️Holiday Edition: This is the first time you met Kaminari’s family! You gave him one job to prepare for the event…. One job... smh… (Kaminari x Reader)

👌😂High school: (HCS) Gender neutral Reader is just tryna make it through a school day after Sero smoked them out (ft. Bakugou, Midoriya, Jirou, Iida, Aizawa, Kaminari, and Todoroki)

👌❤️😂 How to Stop Liking a Stoner: Bakugou can’t help but falling in love with your delinquent ass, but that doesn't mean he is gonna fall quietly without a fucking fight. (Bakugou x Reader)

👌😂Tectonic Plates and Platonic Dates: You and Kirishima are platonic buddies that secretly watch romantic comedies together. Everything is chill until your hot-headed twin brother finds out! (Kirishima x Reader ft. Bakugou, Kaminari, and Sero)

👌😂MHA Charecters as Candy: (HCS) What was that? What candy would these MHA characters be!? Wait... oh… You never asked? Oh okay… I guess I’ll just leave this here anyway… *sniff-sniffle*… (Bakugou, Midoriya, Kirishima, Kaminari, Mineta, Monoma, Yaoyorozu, Sero, Shinsou)

👌😭❤️The Same Side of Anything: Dabi is totally a Todoroki in this. Romeo and Juliet did it better probably, but I love the idea of star-crossed lovers. Read this if you’re into mediocre poetic themes.  (Dabi x Reader)

👌😂Crackhead Post: Reader regrets letting the three stooges into their life (ft. Kaminari, Sero and Kirishima)

👌😂 ❤️ Soft Dad Moments: What would prompt some of the MHA dads to buy their children a plushie? Warning: Some of these dads are so sweet that you might need to see a dentist after. (Bakugou x Reader, Kirishima x Reader, Dabi x Reader, Shigaraki x Reader)

💞 😭 Baby Boom: You end up prego after a one night stand and Bakugou learns how to be a decent human being (Bakugou x reader)

Month 1,  Month 2, Month 3, Month 4

Interactive Series (You voted on the outcomes):

💞😭 😂 ❤️Sole Mates: Your every day life as a business woman is rudely interrupted by an explosive hero’s name being painfully imprinted on the sole of your foot, bounding the two of you’s pain, emotions and thoughts. (Bakugou x Reader, past Izuku X Reader)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

💞😭Caught in The Act: You find out that your fiancé cheated on you, your grandmother’s dresser is ruined, Kirishima is a precious gift from god, and… wait, when did Todoroki get so hot? (Bakugou x Reader ft Todoroki, Kirishima and a few minor OC’s)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4,  Part 5 Finale

Sequel (just a lil writing experiment. pay no mind if you like the original ending): Part 1

Tsugi No Hero Academia: a Next gen AU me and my crackhead friends conjured up feat. Bakugou’s son as the MC 

[loudsuitlover]

Doctor Harry XXIV. Un Suspiro Acompasado

A/N: Guys I’m back! I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for the patience and the kind message, you guys are amazing and I feel lucky you read me x 

BLUE’S POV

My eyes are left adrift in front of the mirror. I’m combing my hair and my makeup is done and I’m wearing the red lipstick Marie got me for Christmas but I’m hardly seeing anything beyond the memories of better times that blurry my vision. It’s only been four days since I know nothing from Harry but they’ve felt like ages.

I hate myself for missing him so bad but the only thing I need to stop myself from crawling back to him is thinking about his indifference. I don’t understand why he was so insisting and desperate for me to hear him out during Christmas and just forgot all about me right after I finally did.

I’d love to say things have gone back to normal, that everything is right back on its place as if it had never happened since he’s not following me around and messing everything up but that just wouldn’t be true. It’s like I lost something that has changed me forever and I just don’t know where to look for it now.

When I’ve brushed all of my hair twice, I open the bathroom door and find Coco going through my earrings. She’s wearing a golden silk dress that makes her look like the human form of a flute of champagne but she gives me a panic look.

“I don’t know what earrings to wear.”

I roll my eyes and try to help her. I suck at choosing jewellery which is why I always wear the same earrings and the same necklace my Mum got me when I started studying Medicine but I stand there in the role of emotional support.

I can see my profile on the full body length mirror in the door of my wardrobe. I’m wearing a black sequin tight dress with long sleeves but backless. There’s a single button that rests over my seventh vertebra where the fabric that covers both my shoulders joins but then there’s no more sequins and no more fabric at all until the dress hugs the lowest part of my back, right where my underwear begins.

It's New Years Eve and everyone’s ready for the new year to begin even though I don’t believe that anybody wants this year to end more than I do.

“¡Niñas!” (Girls!) My mum calls for us from downstairs. “¿Estáis listas?” (Are you ready?”

“¡Sí!” Coco yells uncouthly and I give her a look but she just chuckles. “Me encanta ser ordinaria cuando llevo ropa cara.” (I love to act vulgar when I wear expensive clothes). She giggles. “You should try it, it’s funny.”

I chuckle along with her as we both make our way downstairs. My mum looks like one of our friends with that black dress she’s wearing. Her long black hair is down and naturally wavy and Coco did a very nice job with her makeup; smokey eyes and nude lipstick.

“Estás guapísima, mamá.” (You look gorgeous, mum.)

“¿Qué dices? Tú sí que estás guapísima. Las dos lo estáis.” (What are you talking about? You look gorgeous. You both do.)

Mum’s driving us to our party before she leaves for hers and sitting in the back of the car, I can see how much of a resemblance there is between my mum and my sister. It’s almost scary for my mum looks like a future Coco and I think I can’t wait for Coco to be 57 years old to find out if they’re really alike.

I get excited on the way to the club. I’ve decided I’m gonna have a good time and not think about Harry. I’ve had enough of that and what has to be will be but there won’t be any rushing of things on my part and I’m guessing on his either.

I’m excited to see Olivia. She came back from France in the morning and JJ and Marie are also gonna be there. Marie’s bringing Adam but nobody said anything about Harry and I didn’t ask either and Olivia’s got herself a date with Mario. Apparently, they’ve been talking ever since Jack did the ass move of the year and Ollie seemed pretty excited on the phone earlier.

Coco and I make our way inside the majestic hotel the party is taking place and give our coats to the cloakroom girl. My gorgeous looking sister holds my hand and guides me across the hall and towards the second room where soft music plays around fairy lights. I spot our group standing around a tall table.

I hug my friends. They all look ridiculously gorgeous. Olivia wears her blond hair perfectly straightened and falling on her chest and back over the little precious stones that adorn her silver cocktail dress and Marie wears her signature bun with a little black dress with a see-through neckline that fits her perfectly; sexy but safe, so to say.

Turning around, I see Jason pretending to be gladly surprised by my looks, and I chuckle and shake my head.

“Looking good in that white suit jacket, JJ.”

He smiled.

“I have to stand out, you know? I’m single now.”

“Damn right you are.” I grab a champagne flute from the waiter that walks right behind me. “And I’ll drink to that.”

He laughs.

“Now seriously, you look like you just came out of The Great Gatsby.”

“Except there’s no Leonardo Dicaprio.”

“Except that.” Jason smiles.

“How are you?” Olivia’s hand rests on my lower back and I give her a smile.

“I’m good, thank you.” I frown but smile. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, you know.” She shrugs and gives Marie a SOS look. “I was wondering how you were holding up after… The breakup.”

“What breakup now?” I look at Marie.

Her lips part in a small oh and her eyes open wide like a deer caught in headlights.

“You know, Adam and I talk.” She shrugs.

“You mean Adam and you mind everybody’s business.”

“Harry told him you guys were not seeing each other anymore.” She frowns.

I feel a punch on the pit of my belly.

“Yeah, that’s right. We… We aren’t.” But I pretend I am long past it even though they just confirmed what I thought was happening.  

“And you’re… Just okay with that?” Ollie frowns.

“Yes!” Everyone’s frowning. “What, guys? Why are you making such a big deal? It’s fine. I’m just worried I won’t find sex like that in a while.” I fake giggle.

“Was it really that good?” Jason intervenes for the first time in what feels like a very long, very embarrassing interrogation.

“I mean… Never mind.” I chuckle.

“No, it does mind. Do share.”

“It was just the way he… Like kind of worshipped my body, you know, but like all of it.” I shrug. “I felt…”

“Loved.”

“Desired.” I correct Marie but she purses her lips to hide her smile and raises her eyebrows.

I shake my head and try to derail the conversation.

“What about you, Ollie? How are you?”

Ever since Jack said those things about her, she’s been struggling not to bump into someone who already knew. It’s strange how those ridiculous things run like gunpowder but it’s not new that a lot of girls didn’t like Olivia already and I guess this kind of was the perfect way to finally humiliate her.

“I’m fine.”

She smiles for as if on cue, Mario appears with two drinks on his hands and gives one to her. The way her body melted and made room for him surprises me. My God, she’s smitten and she’s Olivia and this is so cute to behold.

“Oh, hello, Indie. Happy New Year. If I had known you were here I would have gotten you a drink. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be!” I hug him. “Happy New Year to you too.”

He stands next to Olivia but turns in conversation with Jason and I notice Marie is nowhere to be found. Coco and Guido seem to be in their own bubble but I’ll have to go say hi when they don’t look so cosy.

“Where did Marie go?”

“She’s probably with Adam.” She shrugs. “I’m thinking about broadening my horizons.” She goes back to my first question it seems.

“Broadening your horizons? What does that mean?”

“I don’t know… These weeks in France have been wonderful. I was thinking maybe transferring to Paris or something.”

“But like- forever?” I panic.

She shrugs, holding back a little smirk.

“But you can’t leave! I mean, wouldn’t you miss us? And what about Mario? You finally start a relationship and now you’re leaving him?”

“Mario would have to understand. If he didn’t, that would be a total deal breaker. Plus, we’re not even in a relationship or at least not in the traditional kind of relationship. We’re both free humans who-”

“You’re not in an open relationship with Mario, are you?”

I’m not being judgemental. I have no problems at all with open relationships it’s just Mario doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy fitted for that. I mean he told me himself he falls very quickly and I could see how heartbroken he was about Olivia’s rejection so I’m just afraid he’s told her yes because he would take whatever it is she’s willing to give.

My friend nods proudly and I face palm.

“Oh God, Ollie, you’re gonna hurt him.”

“What? Why? Not at all!”

“Wasn’t it your idea then?”

“No, it was, but this is what’s best for us. I’m not in my best moment” her blue eyes beg for my understanding and support- she’ll always have the second “and this will be good for him too. He’s a little too traditional if we’re being fully honest here-”

I disconnect but I let her talk because I already understood. She’s scared because she really likes him and this is just her way of trying to run away from it. Thinking about going to France, having an open relationship… God, she just really doesn’t want to let herself fall in love.

“Why are you smiling like that?” She frowns.

I chuckle and give her a knowing look and she just squints pretending she can’t read my mind at this point.

“You think you’re some sort of guru, alright, I get it.”

I throw my head back and laugh but my laughing cuts short as soon as Harry appears in my visual opening. He wears a black suit with a white shirt and a fucking black bow tie that really makes him look like The Great Gatsby I used to picture in my mind when I read the book.

The air gets kicked out of my lungs with every step he takes because he looks so dreamy and I know everyone has noticed but for the rest of people in this room he’s just a handsome man. He’s so much more to me.

From the corner of my eyes, I watch him greet everybody. He takes a little extra time talking to Coco and that makes me nervous. I don’t want to be a narcissistic asshole but I can’t help considering they might be talking about me. I yearn for hearing him say my name and see how his lips hug the u in Blue when everybody else calls me Indie.

Before I can process what’s happening, he’s stopped in front of me and his green eyes are setting mine on flames. My belly flips and he hasn’t even touched me but it’s like he’s putting all these memories inside my head with that stare and in my mind, all these images are playing… Us in the shower, him making breakfast, us watching a movie, him driving me home…

He doesn’t say anything but I know he likes my dress by the way he’s smirking. He leans in and I feel his warm hand against my bare back as he presses a kiss on my cheek.

“Why are you always so cold?” He frowns.

“I’m an ice floe, don’t you remember?”

“As lovely as usual.” He smirks. “Some things never change.”

“Wait, we’re talking to one another, right? What we’re not doing is seeing each other or so does Marie said because apparently Adam told her you told him. That’s three people, Harry, it takes three people for me to know something I should have known from you.”

“How is that my fault?”

“Well-”

“You’re the one who stopped talking to me.”

I frown. That’s not even true but before I can tell him, Olivia’s hand rests on my shoulder and she almost yells.

“You won’t believe what just happened! Oh, hi, Harry, nice to see you, nice bow tie.” She gives him a smile that lasts a second and then turns back to me. “I was at the bar and this ridiculously hot guy was talking to his friend about you!”

“About me?” I frown. “What do you mean?”

“He literally told his friend ´Indigo Anderson is here, I just saw her´”

“And that’s it?” I laugh.

“He was very handsome.” Her blue eyes widen and I laugh again.

Harry’s still standing there but his jaw is clenched and his shoulders have tensed up. I don’t understand him. He has decided to break up with me, even though there was nothing to break, and hasn’t even had the decency to tell me about it and now he seems not to like that this very handsome stranger knows I’m here? Well, he should have thought twice.

“That’s him!” Ollie says, pointing at the middle of the room with her big grey eyes. “That’s the one.”

Eric Buchanan’s eyes meet mine. I give him a teasing smile and see the corner of his eyes crackle. It’s been a while since Harry doesn’t seem that happy to see me and instead he’s just standing there tensed like a wooden man and I’ve had enough of this so I just make my way towards Eric. He takes the clue and makes his way towards me too so we meet in the middle. Funny how I seem to be unable to do that with Harry.

“Fuck me if it isn’t Indigo Blue Anderson, the soul of every party.” He smiles.

“I’m pretty sure I should be offended but your sarcastic tone is really not sarcastic at all.” I smile back.

“That’s because I wasn’t being sarcastic, miss.” He smiles. “You know I was checking the photos the photographer took at my birthday the other day and he took some while you were honouring me with your dancing” I roll my eyes but he keeps on smiling “and I gotta say they’re pretty good shots.”

“Well your hip movement was kind of hypnotizing” I try mimic his crazy movements and make him blush but he laughs.

“Yeah, wasn’t really talking about that.”

“You’re too flattering, Eric.”

“You remember my name.” He smiles.

“You think I’m an idiot?”

“No” he laughs “I just think you’re way out of my league.”

“Still too flattering.”

He chuckles. I notice his eyes look somewhere behind me and then back at me for enough times to make me curious, so I raise my eyebrows questioningly.

“Trouble in paradise?”

I tilt my neck and spot Harry glaring at us from the spot where he pretends to be paying attention to Mario and Adam and I roll my eyes. I don’t even have to change the topic because one of Eric’s friends pulls from his shoulder and all but yells that they’re taking a group photo. His lips turn upside down as he points at his friend on his back but I dismiss him with a smile and a shake of my hand.

“I will however catch you later.”

“You seem so sure of it.” I joke.

Am I flirting? Oh my God, I think I’m flirting. What am I doing?

My throat is dry. I need a drink. I turn around and I can tell I’m frowning when Marie hands me a drink. I look down at it and realize it’s probably gin and tonic.

“Thanks.” I have a sip. Yeah, Bulldog and Mediterranean.

“Way to go, girl.” Ollie frowns impressed next to me.

“What?��

“That’s probably what you need.” Marie adds. “After all, the quickest way to get over one man is…”

“What? No! We were just talking.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what most people do when they flirt.”

“We weren’t flirting!”

Or at least they can’t know that, they didn’t hear us. Looking over at Eric, I realize he is indeed a very, very handsome man. He’s tall too and his body is just very manly and I think under any other circumstances, I would be attracted to him. I mean- am I attracted to him now? Why wouldn’t I be? He’s objectively very attractive. I don’t want to fall into that path. I don’t want not to be attracted to him because the thought of Harry is still clouding my judgement. Is it true? Am I never going to feel as alive as I did with him? I need to stop thinking these stupid things.

“Can we just stop talking about men?”

“Amen” Jason agrees as he joins us. “Let’s just celebrate that we are still together for the new year and that that is how things are going to be.”

“Amen” Ollie raises her glass and the four of us cling our glasses together for that. “And that we are repeating for the third year Marie’s beach house tradition.”

“Woho!”

“About that though” Marie bites her bottom lip.

“Oh, please don’t tell me you’re cancelling.”

“I’m not.” Marie stops Jason right there and he sighs bringing his hand to his chest. “It’s just… I know for the past three years it’s just been the four of us but I was thinking… Maybe this year… Adam could join?”

The three of us just stand there with our lips parted. We’re being unsupportive, I can tell that much; but it’s just… That weekend is always being just for the four of us. It’s The Golden Girls’ getaway and the thought of having a guy joining just… But it is her house.

“I know it might sound strange to you guys but” Marie leans closer to us so she can whisper the next part “Adam and I haven’t… Had sex yet. I think that weekend at the beach… You know with the fireplace, the marshmallows… It might be romantic and it might just be the time.”

“With all of us there?” I horrify. “I mean, he’s probably just nervous or even shy about it, do you think it’s going to help him to have the three of us around?”

“Wait, what if we postpone our weekend away?” Ollie suggests, pleasing no parties involved.  

“No!” Jason frowns. “Come on, this is the perfect weekend! After that we have practice and we can’t just get pissed for three days straight… Come on, Marie, I need this.”

“No, I don’t want to cancel or postpone it. I want you guys there.” She panics.

“What- like an orgy?” Ollie’s eyes open wide.

“No, you maniac!” Marie blushes. “But… Listen, this is getting to me, alright? It’s been very long since I don’t have sex and… I don’t know what to do and Adam’s got… You know… His things… And I might need urgent emotional support, emergency Golden Girls’ meeting in the kitchen, you know?”

Her puppy eyes always work. I bite my bottom lip and almost hear Jason’s wheels turning on his mind.

“I got it.” Jason says. “You know how it would probably be a little awkward for him to spend an entire weekend with his girlfriend’s crazy friends on his own, right?”

Marie nods with sad puppy eyes as if she also had thought about it but didn’t know what to do about that.

“But” J’s brows raise on his forehead “you know what would make it a lot easier for him?”

She shakes her head. I can’t believe we’re letting JJ be so dramatic. This is what he loves.

“Having his best friends around, just like you, and isn’t it such a good thing that his best friends happen to be Ollie’s guy and Harry?”

“I am not inviting Harry.” I interfere.

Jason’s eyes set on me while he gives me a long, hard, severe stare.

“Are you seriously telling me you’re not willing to put your stupid fight away for your best friend to bone his best friend who is also her boyfriend with erectile disfunction?”

Marie shushes him as the three of them give me all their attention.

“Well, fine, invite him. I won’t be going then.”

“What? No, dude!” Marie pleads. “I really need you there.”

“Oh, come on! I’ll pretend we’re fucking if you will” Jason shrugs “because I mean Mario is fun but he’s probably going to be cuddling Ollie 24/7 so it’d really just be you and me.”

“And Adam and me.” Marie raises her eyebrows.

“You two are gonna be boning.”

“Well maybe we don’t do anything.”

“What do you mean? Of course you will! He’s a guy, I bet he’s dying to bone you.”

“Can you just stop saying bone?” Marie scolds him. “He hasn’t… He hasn’t even touched me. And he hasn’t told me about… The… E.D. problem yet…”

“Wait, so then how do you know?” Ollie frowns.

“Harry told me.”

“What? I can’t believe him! Isn’t he supposed to be his best friend?”

“Hey, calm down! That’s why he told me. He was just worried about him… He’s actually a really good guy.”

I glare at her. I can’t believe after all the shit she’s giving me, she’s backing him now that he broke up with me.

“Why don’t you talk to him?” Ollie asks.

“To whom?”

“To Adam.”

“I don’t want to put Harry on the spot.”

“Since when do you care about Harry? What the fuck is this, Marie? You’ve been giving me shit about him since I met him and now that he finally broke my heart like you said he would he turns into an angel in your eyes?”

“What did you just say?”

My blood freezes on my veins at the sound of his deep voice stopping my every thought. My breath catches on my throat and I feel dizzy. My body works without processing and I somehow face him so I guess it must have turned. His green eyes are staring into mine and his brows are furrowed. Mario is a step ahead of him.

“Were you eavesdropping?” I accuse him.

“We were going to order a drink and I heard you say my name so I stopped. I thought you were talking to me.”

“And when you realize I wasn’t you eavesdropped.”

He stays silent but his eyes don’t leave mine. My friends have gone so now it’s just him and me face to face and I know there are lots of people around for after all this is a new year’s party but it doesn’t feel that way to me now.  

“What did you just say, Indie?”

My jaw clenches. If he thinks I’m about to humiliate myself in front of him and give him validation for his superior attitude he’s wrong. He decided to end things and didn’t even think it was important enough so as to give me notice so I won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing it is that easy for him to hurt me.

“I said Marie’s been giving me shit about you since the beginning but I guess she was right after all.” I shrug. “You did use me and then-”

“Use you? How?”

My eyes hold his. He can’t be serious.

“You slept with me whenever you wanted-”

“I thought we both wanted it.” He frowns but I can see the horror on his eyes.

“I’m not saying you forced me, Harry. But the thing is you came and went whenever you needed a fuck and lied to me and then when things got a little complicated you just… Left” I shrug again “Like that, so easy, and you didn’t even tell me-”

His fingers wrapping around my forearm cut my words short as he walks towards the end of the hall. I keep frowning but I don’t say a thing. I wouldn’t know what to say. Instead, I let him guide us towards an empty dinner area where I’m guessing people celebrate happy moments for there’s also an empty stage and an empty bar next to it. Every piece of furniture is covered up with big white pieces of cloth and it feels like we’re standing in the middle of a ghost town.

He finally releases my arm and starts pacing back and forth in front of mine. I stare at him in silence for about a minute until I think this is too crazy even for me.

“What are you doing?”

“We need to talk.” He sets his hands on his hips so his suit jacket folds on his shoulders and his elbows and I can’t help my eyes as they travel don his upper body. God, he looks so good.

“I’m scared.”

“You are scared?” I let out a humourless chuckle.

“I don’t understand.”

“You don’t understand?” Now that makes me laugh.

“Indie, I’m serious.”

The staidness of his voice makes me feel young. I swallow my witty remarks and try to hear him. I’ve been feeling like shit and I’ve been blaming him but maybe he’s got something to say too. I lick my lips and stare into his eyes, hoping he’d understand I’m here to listen now. I’m all done with this being mad for no particular reason and feeling like shit about it.

His green eyes burn mine as they look heavily into mine.

“You…” His index finger points at me. “You are so out of my league.”

I frown. What the hell is he talking about?

“This is crazy, you and me, its crazy.”

“I know.” I agree.

“When we talked in the car the other night… After what happened to you… You still listened to me and you fucking comforted me and when I looked at you, you just looked so small and vulnerable and fragile and I… I got scared.” He shrugs. “Because I thought if something were to happen to you, I would… I have been so selfish. I didn’t think how much you’d suffer with a low-life like me but you don’t deserve that, Blue.”

My brows meet and I find myself unarmed as every weapon I had ever held against this man just falls on my feet. I know this might sound like the same old story but I also know, even if he lied to me, that this is Harry speaking his mind out. He’s done that with me before, countless of times, as if he didn’t have a filter and he’s doing it now and it breaks my heart to know this is what’s going on in his mind.

“I don’t want to hurt you, okay? That’s like- the last thing I want but… These last few days I’ve been at Bellamond and I’ve tried so hard not to think about any of this, not to think about you, not to think about how you make me feel but it’s just useless because I always have to come back and you’re everywhere. You’re in my room, you’re in my kitchen, you’re in my shower, you’re just… I can’t stop thinking about you.”

I’ve thought in my mind countless of times what I would say to him after our talk in his car but those words are just leaving my mind now like birds leave their nests on the winter. I just stare at him. I feel like I’ve never had a tighter knot on my throat.

“We haven’t talked since that night where I told you everything and I thought you were relieved that whatever it is that we have was over because I wasn’t chasing you around anymore and you didn’t contact me either so I thought… But… You’re hurt, aren’t you?”

I can’t help it, the blushing takes over my face and I purse my lips so they stop shaking. Harry gets blurry. No, please, I don’t want to cry.

“Did you miss me?”

I decide biting my bottom lip might make it stop trembling and I nod my head but I don’t look into his eyes.

“The only reason I left was not to hurt you, Blue.” He confesses in a low voice.

I look up at him until our eyes meet. I search for the lie, for the part of him that’s only saying what he thinks I want to hear but I don’t find it. He’s telling the truth, he doesn’t lie; and yet, it doesn’t feel soothing.

I never thought the reason things were going to end between us was because he cared too much. I’ve been thinking about it for days and all these implausible reasons came running to my mind but not once did I think he was trying to protect me. I’ve doubted myself, I’ve doubted him, I’ve doubted this thing we had going on and I’ve thought he’s only seen me like a doll, like a sexual toy, or like something on his shelf he could pick up whenever he was bored and I feel terrible now. He’s been as kind with me as he is with anyone else.

I still don’t know what to say.

“But now, after hearing you say that” he continues “I feel like I can tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“I want to do this.”

My heartbeat speeds up to the point where I think he can hear it. My hands get sticky, I feel sweat gathering on the back of my neck.

“What do you mean?”

“I want this.” He declares. “I want to overthink every little thing and I want to invite you to my sister’s birthday party and I want to” he smirks timidly and even though I don’t know what he’s about to say, the corner of my lips curl up too “rely on those closest to me and share their burdens, as they share mine.”

I full on grin when I hear him recite to me the words I apparently recited to him on my sleep what feels like ages ago and he giggles, surely proud that it worked. I can’t believe we’re doing this but I know I’m going to say yes.

I guess this is the way adult men ask adult women to be their girlfriend.

I shut my eyes and squeeze them tight. When I open them, he’s looking at me as if I was about to tell him something awful.

“It’s just about the weed, I know I’m probably making such a big deal out of it but-”

“I told you I won’t smoke again and I meant it.”

“But it’s not that easy.” I shake my head. “I know that, first-hand, and I can’t go through that again, Harry.”

“I know.” He nods and steps closer to me and for the first time since he grabbed me, his hand gently falls on my elbow and my breath gets stuck on my throat. “But I’m not asking you to like be my tutor or anything, Blue” he smiles “I just want you to be my girlfriend.�� He smiles.

I chuckle.

“You’re labelling it now?”

“I just want you to be close.” He rephrases and my heart beats harder.

“How is that going to change anything?”

He frowns and looks at me as if I was insane and I can hear on his mind “it changes everything, baby” but instead he just rests his forehead against mine and I feel his hot, minty breath against my cheeks.

“I told you” he whispers “I don’t want to hurt you. That’s enough for me not to do things that will.”

I sigh and cup his cheeks on my hands, lifting his face so our eyes meet.

“One other thing though” I whisper “don’t speak about yourself like that ever again.”

I can hear him swallowing.

HARRY’S POV

Her big eyes investigate mine and I feel my pulse on my neck very close to where her fingers rest. Fuck, I want to kiss her. How can she disagree with me on anything I just said to her? It’s all true; keeping her with me is probably the most selfish thing I have ever done but I’ve missed her so much and it looks like she missed me too so why should I push her away?

I can’t believe I can hurt her. It doesn’t make sense to me that she cares about me enough so that I can break her heart like she said but just thinking that I did makes me feel like I’m not worth the air that I’m breathing. My eyes drop to her lips again and her pink tongue timidly licks them under my mesmerised stare. She must know what she’s doing.

My eyes shift back to hers and it’s a silence way of asking for permission but her hands close into fists on the lapels of my jacket and she presses her lips against mine. I feel the air coming down my throat and every fibre of my body electrifies. My hands find a home on her hips and I cling onto her when her tongue, fearless and tender, pushes inside my mouth and brings the electricity to mine.

She smells so good… It’s driving me crazy. I press my hands against the back of her thighs and hold her up and her perfect legs wrap around my hips. I walk holding her until I sit her down on the empty stage but she lies on her back and pulls me so my body is hovering over hers.

I feel her pulse against my lips as I kiss down her neck and back up to that place she loves right below her ear. She gasps and sweetly moans and I start to feel the lack of blood on my brain. I grind my hips against hers, slowly but firmly enough so that we both feel the friction, and she moans on my ear as her fingers sink on my hair.

Her words resound on my mind. You did use me and then… I’m not saying you forced me, Harry… You slept with me whenever you wanted…Whenever you needed a fuck…

“What’s wrong?” She whispers.

“It’s just” I smile in a pathetic attempt at covering my guiltiness “it’s the first time I’m gonna… We’re gonna fuck as a proper couple.” She rolls her eyes but smiles and I peck her lips “I don’t think I want to do it on a dusty abandoned stage.”

She smiles.

“Yeah, we probably should get back to the party.”

“Yes, we should.”

I stand up and hold my hand out for her and for once she lets me help her without a feminist remark. I look down at my pants, I think if I move the right way no one would notice. She fixes her hair as if she could look better and then gives me a smile. The air gets stuck on my throat.

“How do I look?”

“Fucking gorgeous.”

She giggles.

“Hey, H.”

I almost give myself whiplash with the speed I tilted my neck to see her. Did she just give me a nickname? That’s how I sign shit too, with an H, and I just like that she has her own special way of calling me.

“Sorry” she blushes “I don’t know where that came from.”

“Don’t be.” I squeeze her waist. “I like it.”

She grins. Fucking hell, she’s gonna make this whole don’t-fuck-her-that-often resolution very difficult.

“I just wanted to apologize for the way I reacted at your sister’s birthday. It was so fucking self-important of me to get mad at you when it was something so… Terrible and difficult for you. It just took me off guard but I want you to know I do not think it was your fault.”

“Don’t apologize for that.”

“No, I do. I do apologize, love. It was not right and I’m sorry.” She holds my gaze. “Do you forgive me?” She smirks.

“Of course, I do.” My voice surprises me as a whisper. “Do you forgive me?”

She just nods. She fascinates me.

When we go back to the party, I try to keep my hands to myself. I don’t want her to ever feel like that again, like she’s just a body that I use to get off; even the thought makes me want to throw up. But it doesn’t matter what I tell her, I’ve tried to explain it to her but I suck at it. I always end up sounding like some sort of sex deprived pervert or some sex addict, so I reckon I’m gonna have to cut the sex part of our relationship a little bit for her to understand it. It’s just… It’s so much more than that.

I don’t know how to put it into words but it’s like I have this need to physically be with her. I guess the fact that I’m aware of how much I suck at the communication department is also adding to the mixture but I feel like there’s only so much I can say, but I can show her what she does to me and I can be close to her, so impossibly close no one else gets to be there.

I’m afraid to tell her because I think it’s not sane and I’m sure she would never approve of that sense of possession I can’t help but to add to it but I just love having her all to myself and I love the way she sounds and the way she touches me and she pulls from my hair because she knows it’s her that’s making me go crazy.

She’s been studying me ever since we came back from our rendezvous. Whenever I glance at her, she’s staring at me and while her attention makes me thrilled, I’m kind of worried she might be having second thoughts. For the love of God, who would have think I would be such a wimp?

I don’t want to mess this up with her.

“Just go dance with her.” Mario laughs.

“I don’t dance.”

“She clearly wants to dance with you.” He raises his eyebrows.

“Well, she knows I don’t dance so...”

“Well, then that’s perfect to make her feel special.” He offers. “You don’t dance; unless…”

He raises his eyebrows like the kombucha girl meme and I finally let my lips curl up. He’s got a point… And she looks incredible in that dress… And I could have my hands on her hips or even kiss her because she’s my girl.

Before I know what I’m doing, my feet start moving towards her. She grins and immediately stands right by my side as if I was the only one dancing with her. She makes me nervous.

“Just know I’ve never done this before.”

“You’ve never danced?” She smiles.

“I’ve never danced with a girl.”

“Well” she shrugs “you can pretend I’m a boy, if you want.”

I look her body up and down. Right, like I could ever pretend that. I chuckle but I know she can tell I’m nervous. She is pretty good at reading my body. She presses a kiss to my cheek and I already feel like being here and being ridiculous is worth it but then she turns her body so that her back is pressed against my chest and she rests my hands on her hips.

“Just relax, baby.”

She smiles at me before she starts pushing her hips against mine and moving them in circles. I feel her moving against me and watch her smile and I know she knows what she’s doing. I’ve heard this song on the radio before and I know she likes it. I think about the light, for the singer says he’s blinded by the lights, and I can only pity him for if he’s blind, he’ll never get to see this.

Swaying her shoulders, Blue caresses the side of neck before she pushes all her hair to one side on her face, leaving the skin on her cheek and her neck completely exposed to me. I’m sure she can hear my troubled breathing.

“Are you enjoying it?” She asks.

“You’re torturing me.” I giggle stupidly.

“Am I?” She presses her bum deeper against me and my grip on her hip tightens, stopping her. “How so?”

“You look like an angel” I whisper on her ear because two can play this game “but you’re the devil in disguise.”

She giggles and that alone does it for me yet then she turns around and rests her hands on my shoulders before she’s kissing me. I feel my heart beating on the back of my throat. When she’s satisfied, having stolen all the air of my lungs, she pulls back but just the inches enough so I can hear her.

“Are you tired?”

No, but if she wants to leave, I’ll be the first to run.

“Do you wanna go?” I ask her instead.

She just nods but her face makes me laugh. She looks so tired yet so beautiful and sexy it’s ridiculous.

“Okay, then let’s go, babe.”

We walk together towards my car and I reach for her hand. It relaxes my pulse somewhat that she doesn’t pull away. I remember she tried to hold my hand once, when we had just shagged a couple times I reckon, and I pulled away. I guess even back then I kind of knew this was not just sex.

“Yours or mine?”

“Yours.” She smiles.

And that’s the last thing she says until we make it to my apartment. When we walk inside and I close the door behind her, I make my way towards the kitchen and pour myself a glass of water. If she hadn’t said what she did about me using her, I would have her against the wall.

I can’t help thinking about the soft skin on her neckline and the sweet vanilla scent she always brings to my nostrils and how intoxicating her whispers can be so I drink more water than I need, thinking that’s going to help holding myself back. From the corner of my eye, I can see her resting her hips on the kitchen island and crossing her arms across her chest.

“What is it?” She whispers.

“What is it?”

“Is it-” She swallows. “Never mind.”

“Is it what?”

I turn around so I can look at her and I don’t like the way she’s covering herself up even when she’s still fully dressed. She’s taken off her coat and that fucking black dress she’s wearing is hugging her figure in all the right places and I can’t help my eyes. But then I hear her take a deep breath and my eyes search hers but she’s not looking at me.

“I put on some weight… It’s just… It’s Christmas.”

My face contorts. I do not know what she’s talking about.

“And that’s something you wanted to tell me because…?”

Only then her hazel eyes look into my own and her self-doubt punches me on the belly.

“I was just considering that maybe… You don’t… Find me as attractive as you used to.”

Her lips set on a line as she stares at me. It feels like she’s apologizing for that, which is beyond fucked up, but the only thing I like about this is that small hint of challenge she’s giving me. I can see Blue fighting Indie, the confident, strong, independent woman in her is telling me I put on some weight and you can go fuck yourself if you have a problem with that; and the teenage girl in her is ashamed that she did. I don’t know which one is winning but I look at her and I see her and I see her lips, full and plump and intense red and perfect and I see her nose, like a hazelnut left under her eyes, and I see her cheekbones and her neck and her chest and it just puzzles me that she could ever think I don’t find her attractive.

“How...?” I can’t find the words. “What are you talking about?”

“Do you feel as attracted to me as you did before?”

“What? Where is this coming from?”

I want to understand her. Maybe someone said something to her, some jealous bitch or something or maybe she’s just putting these ideas on her own mind and that would be a bigger problem.

“Well…” She starts “When we were kissing before, you just pulled away when it started to get, uh, hot, I guess and… You have barely touched me after that… So I’m just wondering… Do you not want to… Touch me like that anymore?”

I shut my eyes, we’ve been over this before and we ended up having sex and she doesn’t seem to get it.

“Do you really think I could ever not be attracted to you?”

Her eyes frantically move between my own as if she was searching for the answer on my pupils.

“It’s crossed my mind.”

“Alright, we need to talk about this.”

She’s horrified and she hasn’t even heard what I’ve got to say. I hope I don’t sound like a creep to her and I hope I can manage to explain this.

“I am trying to hold back pretty hard because you make it very difficult for me but… Uh… After what you said about… How you felt… Used and… That I just came to you when I needed a fuck that’s just not true. I mean obviously you turn me on and you like wake this thing inside me like I just can’t enough of you but that’s not all you are to me. In fact, that’s like the small part. I mean… Sex with you is amazing but… I think it feels so good because it’s not just sex. Am I making any sense?”

She nods her head and smiles.

“I think you are.”

“I… Do you remember when you told me you weren’t okay with me sleeping with other people because it made you feel like just another notch on my belt?” She nods but her expression has changed from happy to embarrassed. “Well, I wasn’t even sleeping with other people. I just…” I shake my head- I messed up from the beginning, didn’t I? “I thought that was what you wanted and I thought if you knew I was only seeing you I’d scare you away because you had said so many time before that you didn’t want a relationship and that it was just sex but it’s not.” I chuckle. “And I get why you don’t get it. I mean I’ve been worried myself that I had become obsessed with sex, you know?”

“Well, are you?” She frowns.

“No,” I chuckle “it’s not about sex, Blue. It’s… You.” I shrug. There, I said it. “If anything, that’s what I’m obsessed with.” I laugh. “I just didn’t know how to tell you, I guess, and the way I knew how was that. I guess what I’m trying to say is- I am…” I take a deep breath, what am I going to say? “Crazy about you and… it’s not just sex, I…” like, love “care about you” I nod, good choice “a lot.”  

She bites her bottom lip but the corner of her lips curl upwards into a smile. She’s nervous and so am I. I don’t know how to do this.

“I care about you too.” She confesses and I feel a weight being lifted off my chest that escapes like chuckles through my nostrils. “And I’m sorry I threw this whole thing at you. It’s just… I had a bad year in high school and I know that’s like so long ago and I’m an adult now and a lot of things have happened after that but I guess it just… Deep down I still have an issue with that.” Her voice croaks and she tilts her neck as if that was going to keep her tears at bay. It does. “It’s not you, I mean it’s not on anything you do, it’s just me. I need to get over that.”

“Okay.” I smile at her.

I feel lucky she shared that with me and I can tell a lot of things have changed tonight. We are actually talking and I feel like she just opened a little window for me to peek at the inside wonders of Indigo Blue Anderson.

“And just to be clear” I add “You look breath-taking and your body is amazing and you should never even consider that I don’t find you attractive. I think about you naked all the time.”

She laughs and her eyes beg for my closeness. I hold my hand in the air for her to take and she does but still doesn’t move.

“Now, come here.”

I lean in closer so I can grab her elbow instead of her hand and pull her towards me faster. I am still grinning when she finally presses her lips against mine. Her kiss is soft but needy and my pulse accelerates as I feel my blood rushing in a frenzy. I squeeze her hips and her tongue pushes inside my mouth making me swallow my own breath as her fingers sink into my hair and she pulls from it.

“I know it’s not just sex” she whispers against my lips “but I want to fuck you.”

Her initiative stirs something inside me and all my blood rushes to my dick. I’ve desired this woman since the last time I was inside her and now I know she feels the same way.

“You know I care about you too?” I ask her.

“Yes.” She licks my lips and drives me crazy. “But now I want you to shut up and give me the attention that I want after you ignored me for days.”

“The attention that you want?”

I think my delightfulness can be heard on my tone. Ignore her for day… She has no idea how many times I’ve touched myself thinking about her, imagining her on top of me, imagining how her sweet voice would sound on my ear if she told me she loves me.

“Yes.” She bites my bottom lip.

“And what is it that you want, love?”

She pulls away so she can look into my eyes and rests her hands on my chest.

“I want you to make me forget about anything that’s not you and for you to touch me and to kiss me without holding back.”

Her words make my blood boil but somehow they bring a strange calm to the rest of the room, like they lifted a weight on my shoulders. My hands are still resting on her hips and my lips are parted. I don’t know what to say to her, she’s mesmerising. She leans in then until her lips brush against my ear and my eyes closed. She whispers.

“I want to feel your hands all over my body and to have you gasping for air on my ear and then I want to feel your fingers inside me until I’m about to cum and then” my hands move down to her ass and she sighs on my ear “I want you to get inside me and fuck me until I can’t see.”

She pulls apart so she can look into my eyes I guess but I can take mine away from her parted lips and the outline of her breasts under her dress. When I manage to look up at her though, my usually timid girl has wild eyes as she looks at me. She pushes my chest slightly so as to get a reaction from me and I feel the luckiest bastard on Earth.

“So what? Are you going to do it?”

She presses kisses down my cheek and the side of my neck and I thank God I untied my bowtie a while ago so she has access to the line that joins my neck and my shoulder with her sweet tongue.

I can’t take it anymore. My fingers sink on her skin as I push her towards the bedroom and I feel her smiling against my skin. Holding her hips, I turn her body around and undo the little button that’s holding her dress around her neck and watch it fall until it’s just a dark bundle on her ankles. She’s not wearing a bra but I already knew that. I circle her and sit down on my mattress with her between my legs and just look up. She’s wearing nothing but a red wine colour velvet thong and my hands caress her belly and the top of her thighs when she rests her hands on my shoulders.

“I’ve been torturing myself with this memory of how you look in just your knickers for a week...” I drink in every detail I’ve missed so much, the curve of her hips, the flesh under the strap of her thong, her navel… “You’re so fucking gorgeous, my love.”

She grins at me and pushes on my shoulder enough so there’s room for her to straddle me and her perfect, soft breasts are inches away from me. I grab her ass and squeeze it on my hand and she moans sweetly. Holy shit, I can’t remember being this turned on with anyone else.

I wrap my lips around one of her dark nipples and my other hand squeezes her other breast and her nails sink on my shoulders as she gasps and moans. I torture her just like she did before with that porn scene in the kitchen and I run my tongue around her nipple and my fingers down the cups of her perfect breasts that fill my hand when I squeeze them. She’s so beautiful, fuck.

She unbuttons my shirt and pushes the fabric down my arms until I’m shirtless. I’d pay to know what’s going through her mind but she seems to read mine because with a pull from her thong, she lifts one knee at a time on the air so I can put it down her legs. Once she’s fully naked, I slide my hand between her thighs and grace my fingers with her wetness. I grunt myself when I notice how soaked she is and I need to taste her so I slip down her body and lie on my back, pulling from the back of her full thighs until her wet slit is on my mouth.

“Oh God!” She only speaks when my tongue darts down her wet folds.

I close my lips around her clit and suck it inside my mouth and hear her gasping over me. She’s so warm and salty and I’ve missed this like crazy. Our eyes meet and the way she’s looking down at me with big eyes and pupils blown away has me grinning.

“Did you touch yourself these days?”

She shuts her mouth but gives me a look as if considering whether to tell me. Her skin over her cheeks and down her neck has tinged pink. I smile. She did and just the image of her lying on her bed with her tanned legs spread opened and her hand on her clit… I press one single finger on her entrance and slip it in just an inch and she groans.

“Don’t play with me.”

“Answer me, baby.”

“Yes, I did.”

I reward her with my tongue licking away where she likes it and she gasps and pulls from my hair.

“Did you think about this?” I whisper in between licks. “Did you imagine it was me?”

“Yes.” She moans. “I thought of you, just you in general.”

It takes me by surprise that she elaborates that much so I grab her cheeks and pull her closer to my mouth as I devour her turning her into a moaning mess over me.

“I thought of your hands” she grants me more “and your voice and the way you smell and how warm you always are…”

Her confession excites me and I want to pleasure her more than I’ve ever wanted to before. I know I could have her cumming in my mouth in a few minutes but that’s not what I want right now. I want to kiss her and I want her to kiss me so I slip down between her legs and take off my pants and boxers in the second it takes her to turn around with a confused face.

She looks so soft and velvety and so fucking sexy… I place my hands on her hips and her belly and turn her around so her back hits the mattress and then I lie on top of her, claiming her mouth in a hungry kiss that she reciprocates. Her hands go down my bare chest.

“I love your body.”

I smile. Her complimenting me is rare but I love it. She’s told me she thinks I’m handsome but she’s never complimented my body before. She licks her reddish lip from all the kissing and I grind my hips against her so she can feel how hard I am for her. Her eyes roll to the back of her head and I cup her cheek on one hand so her face stays still and I can see her. With the other hand, I grab my dick and align it with her sex before I slowly roll inside her.

“Oh.” She moans as I grind my hips pushing deeper until she’s taken me completely.  

“Fuck, I’ve missed you.”

I love having her without a condom. I didn’t think it was going to be that different, but I can feel her wet and warm and slippery around me and it drives me crazy. I move slowly in and out of her and lift my weight on my elbows against the mattress so I can see her face better as I enter her and her hands move to the lower part of my back where she sinks her nails. Like that she pulls me in closer and tries to get me deeper inside her and the sweat graces my spine like transparent pearls.

I feel our connection like a rush of electricity that runs from the spot where I end and she begins all the way up to my heart and throat and mind. She consumes me and I’m not sure where that separation, that spot where I end, is any longer. We’re one right now and I can’t think of a better feeling.

We move in perfect sync and her hips sink down and drift apart at the rhythm of my thrusts. Her walls clench around me and she moans. I see round droplets of sweat covering her chest and her hairline and she just looks so good and so mine.

“You look so sexy, Blue.” I whisper.

With her eyes still closed, she grins taking my compliment and I have to control myself, to hold the words that are burning my throat. Two confessions in one night are already one too many… So instead I just contemplate the woman underneath me and my hand rests on her neck as I move in and out of her and she bites her lip. When her eyes open, she smiles at me and our eyes lock for the longest time.

“I’ve really missed you.” She whispers and a hint of embarrassment flashes on her eyes when she realizes she’s said it out loud.

“I’ve missed you too.” I reciprocate and she brings my face down for a kiss.

Her lips move down my chin to my neck and her tongue slowly presses against my skin. I growl and sink harder inside her making her gasp.

“Wait” I grab her chin with my fingers and bring her face to mine.

“What? What’s wrong?” Confusion floods her beautiful eyes.

“Nothing, I just want to kiss you.”

I feel her smiling against my lips as I kiss her and move my hips sinking inside her and drifting away slowly but firmly. Everything else disappears; it’s just her and me and that’s enough for me.

I pull from her waist and almost lift her from the mattress so that our bodies are as close as humanly possible. I pull away so that I can look at her again and she gives me a smile that melts me. I look down at her body as my hand goes all over her skin, first her breast and then her belly until I find that bundle of nerves that’s throbbing for me and press circles with my fingers against it.

“Tell me how you feel.” I grunt.

I almost can’t stand the pleasure running down my spine and pressing on the end of my dick threatening to paint her walls white but I want to hold it still, I want this to last and for us to have this moment for a little longer.

“It feels so good, H…” She moans my new nickname and I grunt, pushing harder inside her. “You feel amazing… I feel…” I watch her as I speed up the rhythm, she’s struggling with the words and her voice is so raspy and wet and heavy and I won’t last much longer. “Oh, God.”

Her hand curls against the sheets and she sinks her nails on the mattress as I pierced her against it and move faster and faster in and out of her.

“Fuck, Harry, I’m gonna cum.”

I feel her body tensing underneath mine and her nipples peak against my skin as her walls contort and milk me and I grunt and cum inside her before I breathlessly collapse next to her. We both catch our breaths and I watch her sweaty chest moving up and down until the movements are calmed and then I wrap my arm around her and pull her body closer to mine.

[shannondiazs]

i can't stop you putting roots in my dreamland

He looks really good, is all. His hair is a little bit tousled from carrying the tree and Reggie constantly putting his hand through it, and his cheeks are that shade of red they get when he's really excited about something. He removed his jacket and flannel halfway through the decorating, giving Luke a perfect view of his surprisingly toned arms and flushed chest. And his eyes— fuck, his eyes look beautiful, vibrant green speckled with sparks of gold from the twinkle lights. Reggie has always been cute, even pretty, but Luke doesn't think he's thought of him as beautiful before.

OR

three times luke realised he was in love with reggie and one time he said it out loud

For @danslevy as my gift for @jatpdaily‘s Secret Santa.

I hope you like it, Megan. Happy Christmas.

link for AO3 is in the reblog

one.

They're decorating the studio the first time it happens, taking him by surprise.

Luke had been picking extra shifts at the coffee shop he worked at so he could save enough to buy a real tree and begged his mom for weeks to let him borrow the ornaments and lights they didn't use for their tree. He hasn't seen the boys outside of practice or their weekly movie night for weeks now, but it's worth when he sees Reggie's entire face brighten up when he tells him about it.

"Are we getting a tree?" he asks with a big smile from his place in the couch.

"Yeah, bro" Luke says, crossing the studio to sit next to Reggie. "I have the box of Christmas stuff my mom gave me so we just need to get a tree you like."

Reggie's parents aren't bad people, they're actually kinda cool sometimes, but they're also shitty parents sometimes, too. For the past three Christmases they have forgotten about Reggie's birthday because it's on Christmas Eve, and they don't decorate for Christmas because Reggie's mom doesn't like the smell of the trees, so Reggie's never had the full experience of decorating a tree.

Last Christmas Luke's parents had invited him to help with the Patterson tree, but he's never got to decorate a tree that's his, so Luke is gonna fix that.

"Is that even safe, though?" Alex asks from where he's seated on the floor. "Wouldn't that be like, a fire hazard?"

"Why would it be?" Bobby shrugs without looking up from his phone. "We already use the outlets for our amps, I don't think some Christmas lights are gonna be that much worse."

"Yeah, and we'll make sure to turn everything off and unplug it whenever we're not here," Luke reasons

"I don't know, guys..."

Reggie pouts and gives him his best puppy eyes that he knows Alex can't resist. "Don't be a Grinch, Alex. It can be my birthday present."

"And also," says Bobby, finally looking up, "if you say no, Luke will find a way to break in in the middle of the night to do it by himself anyway. We have joint custody of Sunset Curve's shared brain cell and if we're not here to supervise them, Reggie will break something and Luke will find a way to actually set the whole thing on fire."

"Hey!" Luke and Reggie protest but are pointedly ignored by the other two.

"Come on, bro, it'll look rad and it is Reggie's birthday after all," Bobby continues.

After a good moment of silence and twin begging looks from Luke and Reggie, Alex finally rolls his eyes and lets out a big, dramatic sigh. "Fine, we can have a tree. Only because I love you and you deserve to have a tree, but it so not your birthday present, okay?"

Reggie all but throws himself to Alex's arms to hug him.

---------------------------------------

Finding a tree they all agree on and was just the perfect size for the studio isn't as hard as Luke imagined it would be, and getting it to the Wilsons' isn't that hard complicated either since they're using their beat-up van to get it there, so they don't even have to tie it to the roof of the car.

Getting it inside the studio os a whole different story. It requires all four of the carrying it and Reggie scraps his hand when they almost drop it because Bobby stumbles with the the chord of one of their amps, and Luke is convinced he's never gonna get the smell of pine tree off his shirt but it doesn't matter once he has Reggie in his arms, thanking his and promising to repay him for it.

"None of that, Reg, it's a gift," he says, casually kissing Reggie in the cheek before going to check what's inside the box his mom gave him to start decorating the tree.

Decorating the tree takes longer that Luke expected, already well into the evening by the time Reggie considers it was appropriately full of tinsel, ornaments and lights. The tree looks perhaps a little bit *too full*, but none of them care about it as long as Reggie is happy with it. It's his tree, after all.

Alex and Bobby had gone to buy some pizza and Chinese takeout from that place a couple blocks down the studio, so Luke and Reggie are alone in the studio putting the finishing touches on the tree. Luke is nervous about being alone with Reggie, which makes no sense because they've known each other since elementary school and have been alone multiples times before. In fact, they used to spend all of their time alone before they met Alex and Bobby in middle school. It's just that there is something different about Reggie today.

He looks really good, is all. His hair is a little bit tousled from carrying the tree and Reggie constantly putting his hand through it, and his cheeks are that shade of red they get when he's really excited about something. He removed his jacket and flannel halfway through the decorating, giving Luke a perfect view of his surprisingly toned arms and flushed chest. And his eyes— fuck, his eyes look beautiful, vibrant green speckled with sparks of gold from the twinkle lights. Reggie has always been cute, even pretty, but Luke doesn't think he's thought of him as beautiful before.

"Hey, Luke, can you help me with this?" Reggie asks from behind him, rummaging through the box of decorations.

"What's up, bug?"

Reggie holds up two tree toppers Luke recognises from when he was younger, before his mom got the angel one they've put on their three since he was seventeen. "We need a topper for our tree. Which one do you like better?"

Luke carefully examines his options, a silver one shaped like a snowflake and a red and gold star, before deciding the red one.

"This one," he says, pointing at the star. "Red is your favourite colour."

Reggie flashes him another one of his smiles and it makes Luke's heart do weird things inside his chest and he's sure he's blushing now.

"Do you wanna do it?" Reggie asks, handing him the star.

"Are you sure?" Luke hesitates. "Placing the tree topper is kind of a big thing, don't you wanna do it?"

Reggie nods with a smile. "I know that, but I would really like it if you did it."

Luke takes the topper with a smile and places it on top of their tree, careful not to move any of the ornament or tip the tree down to the floor. He takes a second to look at the it and admire how pretty it looks with its mismatched ornaments and pretty lights, until Reggie's arm wraps around his shoulder and takes him out of his almost trance.

"Thank you," Reggie says, looking into Luke's eyes with a smile. "I know it looks a little bit crazy, and you didn't have to buy me a tree, but today was nice so... Thank you for that."

Luke turns so he was face to face with Reggie and cups his hand against his cheek, bringing their faces closer so they were only a couple inches apart.

"None of that," he says, smiling at Reggie. "It looks great and you deserve a tree, Reg. It was no biggie, I promise, and if you like it and are happy with it it's all that matters."

Reggie smiles at him before closing their distance and resting his forehead against Luke's. He is a couple inches taller than Luke but it works up fine.

He doesn't know for how long they stay like that, but Luke can feel the way their noses are touching and how they're so close he can *feel* Reggie's breath. All he would have to do is angle his angle his face up just a little bit and their lips would touch. He doesn't know where the thought comes from, but he realises he wouldn't mind kissing Reggie right now, and for a moment he thinks he sees something in Reggie's eyes that tell him he's feeling the same.

But the moment ends abruptly when the boys come back kicking the doors of the studio open. Bobby is holding two pizzas and Alex's hands are busy with takeout bags and a six-pack of Coke, so Luke takes his hands off Reggie's face to go help them put it all down on the coffee table before they drop something. He is only slightly disappointed he didn't get to kiss Reggie, but isn't sure why. He doesn't even know why he wanted to kiss him in the first time

"Everything okay?" Alex asks him in a whisper, giving him a funny look. "It looked like you guys were having a moment."

"Nah, man, just Reggie saying thank you," Luke shrugs.

"Right..." Alex said, giving Luke a look that made his nervous. Alex has always been good at reading Luke and knowing how he feels even before Luke figures it out himself but he would never say or do anything that would make him uncomfortable, and he usually leaves him alone about it for Luke to work it out before he says anything.

"Let's eat up, boys, it's Christmas!" Reggie says, putting his arms around Luke's shoulders. Luke hopes he can't see the ways he's blushing down to his neck.

And as he watches his best friend shove food into his mouth like he hasn't had a meal in months Luke is hit with the realisation that he has a crush on Reggie, has had one for the longest time.

*

two.

"Haven't seen you much this week," Alex starts the conversation, eyeing Luke warily.

They're at the coffee shop Luke works at, seated on a table near the back during his lunch break.

"What do you mean? We saw each other at practice yesterday," Luke says.

"Yeah, and you practically ran out of the studio as soon as we were done. You didn't even stay for movie night," Alex sighs, looking at Luke with a frown. "We watched Die Hard, by the way, because you keep saying that's your favourite Christmas movie and it was Reggie's turn to pick the movie and he wanted to do something nice for you. He's sweet like that."

Luke groans and slaps his forehead against the table, because this is Alex's passive-aggressive way of telling him he's being an asshole.

After 'The Tree Incident', as Luke has been calling it, he's tried not spend too much time alone with Reggie, so whenever he's not at band practice he's at work. He's been working a lot of extra hours and picking up second shifts telling his parents it was because he wanted to save money so they could afford a new van that would actually be useful for getting to gigs and not a death trap in wheels. And it wasn't even a lie, they really needed money to replace it, Christine (name courtesy of Bobby, who thought he was being really by naming it that) had been falling apart since the moment they bought it. It just wasn't the whole truth either.

He knows he's being a coward and a little stupid for avoiding Reggie over something he has absolutely no control over o even knew about, it was just that Luke didn't know what to do with this new information. He's never had a crush on one of his friends before, and he's afraid he's gonna do something that will make Reggie notice it and it'll end badly. He doesn't think he'd be able to survive the heartbreak if Reggie decided to stop being friends with him because had a stupid crush he couldn't control.

"I'm just worried, bro, because last week you were practically begging on your knees for us to help you get a tree for Reggie to decorate and then the next day you're avoiding us. Avoiding Reggie," Alex explains, smiling softly at him. "Did something happen? Between you and Reggie, I mean. It was all fine when Bobby and I left but you started acting all weird when we came back. Did you guys fight or something?!

"Nothing happened, Alex," Luke says, finally lifting his face up the table and looking at him. "I was just being an idiot, that's all."

"Well, that''s nothing new, is it?" Alex jokes.

"I promise I will apologise to Reggie and make it up to him, okay?"

"Okay," Alex concedes. "But how?"

Luke looks at him confused. "What do you mean 'how'?"

Alex rolls his eyes at him. He does that so much that Luke's afraid on of these days he's gonna get stuck like that or something.

"I mean that Reggie was pretty hurt last night when you left," Alex explains. "So how can I be sure you are actually gonna fix it and make it up to him and not just make it worse?"

Reggie is everyone's favourite member, and everyone who knows Sunset Curve can see that, but Alex and Reggie share a deeper bond, so of course the blond is incredibly protective of the bassist and would do anything for him. Luke once saw how Alex tore apart a kid from their history class with just his words because he said Reggie's head was filled with hot air because he didn't know the answer to a question and swore he would never do anything that made Alex give him that look that said he wasn't above committing murder because Reggie was hurt.

"I don't know," Luke says. "Can't I just apologise to him and promise I won't do it again?"

"Not unless you tell him *why* you did it in the first place because otherwise he's gonna think *he* did something that upset you," Alex sighs, looking at him directly in the eye. "He's gonna think it was his fault unless you tell him exactly why you were acting like an asshole to him all week."

And Luke hadn't even considered that. Of course Reggie would think it was his fault instead of just Luke being childish and scared.

"He thinks it's his fault?" Luke asks, voice breaking a little.

"You started acting like this after whatever happened while you guys were decorating the tree alone, Luke, of course he thinks he did something that upset you. You know how he is."

Luke stays quiet for a minute, weighting his possibilities. He wants to make it up to Reggie and assure him it wasn't anything he did, but he isn't ready to tell Reggie about his feelings, yet. It's still pretty new and he's not done figuring things out, haven't even considered telling Reggie.

"I want to make it up to him," he finally says after a couple minutes in silence. "But I'm not ready to tell him why just yet. Not all of it."

Alex looks at him for a good minute, and Luke can tell he's trying to decide how sincere he's being and if he should help him.

"Fine, I'll help you come up with something," he concedes. "But you gotta promise you're not gonna do it again, okay?"

"Deal."

---------------------------------------------

Alex's solution is making dinner for Reggie, and Luke can't help but feel like he's being set up, but he's got no other ideas so he goes with it.

The day after the conversation at the coffee shop, they cancel band practice for the day and spend the whole afternoon looking up recipes for homemade pizza. Alex helps him make the dough and properly prepare Reggie's favourite toppings, making sure everything is perfect for when Reggie gets there.

Luke's parents are away for the weekend visiting his aunt in Fresno, so they have the house for themselves, and he isn't sure if that helps or make him even more nervous. He's glad he's gonna get to talk to Reggie without anyone interrupting or bothering them, but he's also about to have dinner with the guy he's crushing on, in an empty house with nowhere to hide.

"You need to relax or this isn't gonna work, bro," Alex sighs. "Why are you so nervous? He's gonna love it, and once you explain yourself everything will be fine again, if you're worried he's not gonna forgive you. It's gonna be fine, dude."

And he's right, of course, but it's not that what's making him nervous. The whole thing is looking too much like a date and it's confusing Luke's head, because it's not and he doesn't want to do anything stupid like telling Reggie about his crush when he's not ready yet, but Alex doesn't know that.

"I'm relaxed, it's okay," Luke says, defensibly.  

Alex gives him a quizzical look but doesn't say anything more and gets back to cutting the peppers.

By the time they're done it's twenty minutes before Reggie is supposed to arrive, so Alex leaves after giving him a hug and telling him to "please don't fuck it up".

It's too late for Luke to get a shower unless he wants for his hair to be soaking wet when Reggie gets there, so he just changes to the outfit Alex picked up for him and fixing his hair. Ten minutes later he's back at the kitchen wearing a shirt with actual sleeves and buttons and the only pair of jeans he owns that aren't ripped or two sizes too big for him, putting the two pizzas they made inside the oven. He's checking on them to make sure they're not burning when he bell rings, and Luke absolutely doesn't jump when he hears.

Reggie gives him a shy smile when he opens the door, looking just as nervous as Luke feels. He's wearing his usual black jeans and leather jacket outfit, but instead of a tank top he's wearing a deep red button down. His hair is brushed back and his cheeks are just slightly pink. He looks so good it momentarily takes Luke's breath away.

"So what is this, then?" Reggie asks once Luke remembers his manners and lets him inside the house.

"This-" Luke says, taking the pizzas out of the oven and placing them in the counter. "-is an apology. I'm sorry I've been an asshole this week, Reg. I needed space to think about something and forgot to use my words. Sorry about that."

"I thought I did something that made you upset," Reggie says, looking down at his feet instead of Luke.

Luke wraps his arms around his waist, hugging him. "You didn't, bug, and I'm sorry I made you feel that way." He says into the crook of his neck.

Reggie hugs him back and they stay like that for a moment, just holding each other. Luke can feel Reggie's breath in his neck and the way his arms are wrapped around his waist is making his heart beat faster and his knees turn to jello, but he decides this is his favourite place in the world. Crush or not, hugging Reggie has always been one of his favourite things to do, because he gives the best hugs and Luke always feel safe inside Reggie's arms.

"The food will get cold," Reggie says into his neck, and Luke lets go of him reluctantly.

Reggie carries the conversation while they eat, almost like he's telling Luke at once all of the things he didn't get to tell him the past week. He tells him all about the trouble his sister is getting up to in New York, now that she's permanently moved there, and how last movie night Bobby farted so loud it startled them all and they couldn't laughing about it for five minutes straight.

Luke's belly is full with pizza and butterflies and he's drunk on wine they're way too young to drink and Reggie's presence. And this time he's barely surprised when the thinks how he would like to do with Reggie forever. Last week the realisation hit him like an electric shock that made his body stiff and activated his fight or flight, it made his body stiff and brain malfunction. It scared him and surprised him all at once.

This time, though, he just feels warm. Like he's getting inside a hot bath or someone is embracing him. He's happy and safe, and when he thinks 'I have a crush on Reggie' it feels natural, like it was inevitable. And when looks up at Reggie, with his earnest smile and bright eyes, he realises it really was. He never stood a chance and he's okay with that. He likes Reggie, he has feelings for Reggie, and it's the best thing that's ever happened to him.

*

three.

The party is in full swing when the boys get there.

They weren't really planning on going, but Willie had insisted they came and Alex is a fool in love who couldn't say no to his boyfriend, so here they are.

It's the day before Christmas Eve -and Reggie's birthday- and Luke can think of twenty different things he would rather be doing instead of being at some frat party. And honestly, who the fuck throws a Christmas party in a frat house? But Alex gets nervous around crowds so wherever he goes, Reggie follows. And if Reggie is there Luke must be two steps behind, that's how they've worked since they were kids. Bobby is there because he genuinely enjoys parties and also to make sure none of his dumbasses does something stupid.

Luke is nursing a beer that's gone warm already while he watches Alex, Willie and Bobby engage in a particularly violent game of Uno. Bobby and Alex are the most competitive people he knows, and he learned better than to give in to their tendencies after that time Alex threw one of sticks at him while playing Clue when they were fifteen, but Willie seems to be giving them a run for their money, too. He hopes the game ends before someone decides to start biting (Alex) or throwing punches (Bobby) at the others.

Reggie is on the other side of the room, talking to one of the girls from his science class, and Luke is trying really hard not to stare. She's really pretty and looks like she's really into whatever story Reggie is telling him, and Luke knows he has no right to be jealous but he can't help it. Ever since he came into peace with the fact that he had feelings for Reggie that went beyond friendship, he's been looking for the perfect chance to confess them. He doesn't know what Reggie will say, and he doesn't want to think about what would happen if Reggie doesn't feel the same, but he can't keep it down any more.

Because Luke knows it's not a crush, anymore. He's in love with him, and he doesn't think he can hide his feelings anymore.

He's certain Alex's knows, because he keeps giving him these looks whenever he's close to Reggie, and sooner or later the others are gonna catch up to it, too, with the way he keeps blushing whenever Reggie touches him and completely loses his ability to function when he takes off his jacket or flannel and stays in only his tank top.

"You're thinking really loud," Bobby says besides him. It seems like the game ended without anyone getting a black eye or any furniture being permanently damaged.

"How can you think loud?" he asks.

"What Bobby means-" Alex interjects from the other side of the couch where he's cuddling Willie. "-is that you're doing that face you do when you're worrying about things you shouldn't worry about."

Luke scoffs. "I don't make a face, dude."

"You do, though, it looks kinda like..." Alex says, and proceeds to frown intensely demonstrate what Luke's face supposedly look like.

"My face doesn't do that, Alexander."

"It really does, bro," Willie laughs. "Looks like an angry puppy."

Luke flips them off and turns to look at Reggie again but he and the girl aren't there anymore. He swallows the lump that forms in his throat and ignores the pit that forms in his stomach.

"Let's go get some drinks, Luke," Alex says, pointing to the table with the drinks with his head.

"I already have a drink," he protests, but Alex gives him a look that had Luke getting up on his feet to follow him anyway.

"So," Alex starts once they're by the table and he's pouring Coca-Cola in a solo cup. "What's that about?"

"What's what about?"

"The way you're looking like someone just kicked your puppy," Alex explains, looking at him.

Luke knows there's no point in pretending he doesn't know what Alex is talking about, so he downs the rest of his warm beer in one sip before answering.

"It's nothing, 'Lex, you don't need to worry about it."

"Are you sure it has nothing to do with Reggie ditching us to go talk to Julie?" Alex insists. "Because you don't get to be possessive when you refuse to tell him how you feel."

Oh, so they're doing this, okay. Luke would have liked it not to do this at a shitty frat party next to the table filled with cheap alcohol, but here they are.

"I know that," Luke sighs. "But I haven't found the right time to tell him, and I'm not even sure I should say anything. What if he doesn't like me back and things get awkward and it breaks up the band?"

"Okay. First off, nothing short of all of us dying could break up the band," Alex reasons. "And even if Reggie doesn't feel the same he would never make things awkward. He loves you, bro, and I'm sure you would find a way to still be friends. And it's not my place to tell you what you should do about the way you feel, but I think it's worth a shot, don't you think?"

"When did you became a relationship guru?" Luke laughs, hugging Alex.

"I mean, I am the one in a healthy and loving relationship, aren't I?"

They go back to the couch with their new drinks in hand to Willie and Bobby in the middle of an arm wrestling battle, and Luke prays that this one doesn't end in someone rushing to the ER like last time.

------------------------------------------

They stay there for a while, the four of them talking about college applications and weather or not The Rolling Stones are best band to ever exist, before Reggie comes by, followed by the same girl from before.

"What are you doing?" he asks, sitting next to Luke and wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

"Just talking, bro," Bobby answers. "Luke keeps saying The Stones are the best band but Alex and I think it's Led Zeppelin."

"You're all wrong. Lynyrd Skynyrd is obviously the best bad ever," Reggie says, making them groan. Reggie discovered southern rock when they were in ninth grade and kept insisting ever since that Sunset Curve should start experimenting with country sounds.

"No, no. The Eagles are the best band, so you're also wrong, Reg," the girl says, standing next to Reggie.

"Oh, shit, sorry. Guys this is Julie Molina," Reggie says with a smile. "She's in my science class and her dad is the photographer I was talking to you about the other day."

With graduation approaching quickly the boys had to make the decision of going to college and focus on trying to make it as a band. They had a pretty decent following and were regulars in several open mic and showcase places, but they would finally be of age to play clubs and things would hopefully take from there, so last month they had put all of their savings together so they could afford recording studio and recorded a demo. The plan is to start distributing it around once winter break was over, take it to record labels and carry copied of it with them whenever they had a gig so they could offer them to potential manager or talent scouts, but they still needed pictures for it so Reggie suggested they ask this photographer he knew.

"Hi, Julie," Alex greets her even though he obviously already knows her. "What did you dad say?"

"He's down for it," she says, sitting down in the couch next to Alex. "You guys just need to pick a date for it and he'll gladly do a photoshoot for your demo."

"Sick!" Luke high-fives Bobby and Reggie.

They continue talking about anything and everything, and Luke starts to feel like an idiot for being jealous of Julie when she's obviously only friends with Reggie. And she's really cool, too. She's in a band with her two best friends and after she shows them a couple of their songs in her phone he can't stop talking about music with her. He's so into the conversation he doesn't realise it kinda looks like he's flirting with her, because Luke keeps complimenting her voice and how cool her songs are, and even asks her to come by their studio some time so they try writing something together. But that's just Luke being himself, and he recognises talent when he finds it.

He sees out of the corner of his eye the way Alex is looking at him, but he ignores it and instead keeps talking to Julie about Taylor Swift's newest album and what new music they've been listening to lately until Julie looks at her phone and yelps.

"Shit, I need to go, guys, my dad is here. It was nice finally meeting you, Luke," she smiles at him. "Let me know when you're free for that songwriting session."

"Oh, sure, what's your phone? I'll text you," he says, putting out his phone to enter Julie's contact before hugging her goodbye when she lefts.

"I'm gonna go get some air," Reggie says after a minute of complete silence, getting up and giving them a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

Luke watches as he walks away down the same hall Julie left a minute ago, and when he looks at Alex he knows he did something wrong.

"What?" he asks, confused.

"That was so not cool, bro," Bobby says, frowning at him.

"Yeah, dude, that was an asshole move," Willie agrees.

And if looks could kill, Luke would be six feet under with the way Alex is looking at him.

"What?" he repeats, looking at the three of them.

"You were flirting with Julie," Bobby explains.

Luke lets out a laugh. "No I was not."

"It sure looked like that, bro," Willie says. "You kept saying she has the voice of an angel, and that thing at the end? Asking her for her number? That's a classing flirting move."

"She has the voice of an angel. You guys heard the songs too, I know you agree. And I asked for her number so we could talk about writing together."

"You asked her to come by the studio to check us out when we practice," Bobby continues.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You never let us have an audience when we practice, you say it's a distraction."

Okay, that's not true. Luke doesn't like having people who don't understand music the same way they do watch then when they practice, but he offered Julie because maybe she has some tips on how they can perform better or what adjustments they can do to their set so it's at it's best.

"Wait, you guys thought I was trying to flirt with Julie?" Luke asks, and then it hits him. "Did Reggie think I was flirting with Julie?"

"For sure he did," Alex finally speaks, making Luke wince from how mad he sounded.

"Fuck," Luke says, jumping out of the couch and onto his feet. "Shit. I need to talk to him."

"No, you don't," Alex says, grabbing him by the wrist to avoid him from going after Reggie. "Not unless you're ready to tell him about who you actually have a crush on. And you need to talk to Julie, too. Tell her you weren't meaning to flirt with her."

"I will," he promises, looking at Alex with pleading eyes. "I'll explain to her later, okay? But I need to find Reggie first. Please."

Alex looks at him with anger and disappointment in his eyes, and there's a moment where Luke thinks he's about to punch him before he sighs and drops the hand holding him back. "Fix this."

"I will," Luke repeats and starts walking towards the direction Reggie left.

*

+1

He finds Reggie seated in the driveway after looking for him for a good fifteen minutes. He's looking at something in his phone and jumps a little when Luke sits next to him.

"Hey," Luke whispers, smiling softly at him. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Reggie says, but his voice breaks a little and Luke can tell he's been crying.

"Are you sure?" Luke asks, taking Reggie's hand between his.

Reggie looks down at their joined hands and takes a deep breath before saying, "Actually, I'm not."

Luke looks at him with an open expression, encouraging him to keep talking.

"You were flirting with Julie, and I didn't like that."

"I'm sorry," Luke says, sincerely. "I really wasn't trying to, I just got carried away. I will talk to her, explain I didn't mean it that way."

"What do you mean you didn't mean it?" Reggie asks, frowning.

"Well, she seems cool and her music is amazing, but I don't like her like that."

Reggie yanks his hand out Luke's and quickly stands up. "Then what the fuck was that? Because it certainly looked like you were interested, Luke, and that's a shitty thing to do if you don't mean it."

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Luke defends himself, standing up to so he can look at Reggie's face. "That's just how I am!"

"Oh, so you just go around leading people on, then? Having them think you're interested in them when that's just how you are. She's my friend, Luke, and you can't go around doing that to people!"

"Why are you yelling at me, huh?" Luke snaps, raising his voice to match Reggie's tone. "I came here to make sure you're okay and all I get is you screaming for nothing."

Reggie scoffs and rolls his eyes. He turns around and begins walking down the street, away from Luke.

"Where are you going?"

"Home!" Reggie yells. "You're being an idiot so I'm going home."

"What the fuck, Reggie?" Luke continues talking as he walks behind Reggie, and yanks him by the arm so he stops walking. Reggie turns around to look him with and outraged expression but Luke cuts him off before he can say anything.

"I came here to explain myself and tell you I wasn't flirting with Julie because I'm in love with someone else."

Luke is barely aware of his own words. He's been waiting for the right moment to tell Reggie and yelling at each other in the driveway of some fat house two days before Christmas isn't the ideal scenario, but it was now or never, right?

Reggie's face had morphed into shock, and doesn't move when Luke drops his arms so he can get closer to him until they're inches away, looking into each others' eyes.

"I wasn't flirting with Julie because I'm in love with you, Reggie," Luke says, looking down at their feet instead of into Reggie's eyes. "I didn't know how to tell you, and didn't want to make things weird between us if you didn't feel the same, so that's why I didn't say anything. That's why I was so weird after we put up the tree at the studio. I realised I had feelings for you and didn't know what to do about it, so I decided to be a coward and avoid you, and I'm still sorry for that."

"I do," Reggie says in a whisper, and when Luke looks up into his eyes he can see tears starting to form in his eyes.

"What?"

"I feel the same way," Reggie clarifies, "That's why I was so mad you were flirting with Julie."

"You do?" Luke breaths, closing the distance between them so their foreheads are resting against the other and his hand moves to the back of Reggie's head.

"Yeah," Reggie whispers. "Since we were kids."

And Luke doesn't have time to ask about that because then their lips are touching. Reggie's kissing him and it's so much better than he imagined it would be. His lips are soft against his and he tastes like the mint gum, and when he puts his hand in Luke's cheek he can feel his knees go weak.

They pull apart after a while, and Luke can't believe the look of adoration in Reggie's eyes is for him. He's the one he's looking at like that.

"I love you," Reggie says, pulling him into another kiss.

Luke is beaming when he replies, "I love you, too."

[puckinghell]

Mittens | Tyson Jost

Summary Requests: you never wear mittens so i knit you a pair and leave them for you to find as a gift from an anonymous person because i’m shy

and

your family ditches you for the holiday so i take you home with me, except my family thinks we’re dating now, and i don’t know how to tell them that we’re not Word Count: 3.8k Note: this is dedicated to @thesmutpeasant‘s knitting behaviour

---

When you finished your PR degree, you wouldn’t have said that working for a hockey team was your ultimate dream. You didn’t even know hockey. But working for the Avs has pretty much been the best time of your life, so far.

Where else could you spend an hour of your work day talking about Christmas gifts? 

So far, the boys have decided that for Christmas, Gabe needs to get some hairspray, Z needs a new wardrobe, and Mikko needs a girlfriend.

“What about Tyson?” you ask JT. “Have you gotten him a present yet?”

JT laughs. “No, I haven’t, but I think someone should get him a blanket or something. He’s not good with the cold.” “Hey, fuck you!” Tyson yells from the other side of the room. “It’s freezing here, we can’t all be cold blooded like you!” JT huffs. “He says that, but he’s dressed like he lives in California or something. Never wears a hat, or gloves. And then he complains about the cold all the time. One night he even asked if he could have my duvet.” “That was in Winnipeg, and you know how cold Winnipeg is,” Tyson protests. “Besides, I asked you to cuddle me warm first, but you said no.” It’s teasing, and JT rolls his eyes, but you know Twitter is gonna explode at this. “Thanks boys,” you say, putting down the mic, and the cameras finally leave the room. “What do you want for Christmas, Y/N?” Tyson asks. Out of all the boys - although you would never admit it - you like Tyson the most. He’s always chatting with you when the cameras turn off, and he asks you things like he cares about the answer. You’ve become friends, in the past few months. He’s also really cute. You shrug. “Some sleep would be good,” you say, because it’s been a long road trip, and Tyson laughs. “Same.” --- The next morning Tyson brings you a cup of coffee to the plane. “How is she gonna sleep on the plane now?” Burky teases, and Tyson turns bright red. You make sure to take a picture of Burky from an unflattering angle in retaliation on Tyson’s behalf. Not that it necessarily makes Burky look any worse - that guy doesn’t have bad angles - but it’s the thought that counts. You sleep on the plane and keep yourself busy during the day, but when the evening rolls around, you sit in your quiet apartment and busy your hands as your mind winds down. Knitting may sounds like a grandma hobby, but it calms you down, thank you very much, and it means you’ve always got a personal gift for someone. For Christmas, your grandma has asked for a scarf, your mom wants a hat, and your aunt asked if you can knit a romper for your few months old niece. You have no idea how to do that, but surely you can figure it out. However, today, you don’t really feel like knitting any of those. Knitting those requests feels a little too much like work, right now, and you wanna knit just to knit. You don’t even realize you’re knitting mittens until you’re halfway through the first one. You don’t need mittens; you’ve got a good selection of them, a wide variety of colors. You remember your talk with JT and Tyson, yesterday. There’s someone who needs them. --- It’s weird, that’s something you’re sure of. To just give Tyson a Christmas gift, a handmade Christmas gift, and not have anything for the other guys. They would chirp you to hell and back and you’re not sure you’re ready for everyone to know about your teeny tiny crush on number 17. However, you can’t deny the fact that you knitted these mittens with only one person in mind, and it would feel weird to give them to anyone else. So, one morning, when Pepsi Center is still dark and there’s nobody around, you put them in Tyson’s stall without a note and decide to never think about it again. Which would be easier if you’re not the one having to do pregame interviews that day. “So, the Blues are obviously the reigning Stanley Cup champions...” - EJ pulls a face and you can’t help but agree - “how can you make sure you take the two points here tonight?” “Probably score some goals,” EJ says with a deadpan voice and a wide toothless grin, and you’re about to yell at him for being an awful person to interview when there’s a loud noise on the opposite side of the locker room. “Ah, sick!” The entire room turns to Tyson, who is beaming with excitement and looking at the mittens in his hands. “Someone got me gloves!” “Those aren’t gloves, those are mittens,” Cale says wisely. Tyson stares at him for a few seconds, then obviously decides to ignore him. “There’s no note,” he wonders out loud, and you really, really hope your blush isn’t too noticeable. EJ’s eyes are a little too fixed on your face. “Maybe it’s a secret admirer,” Mikko offers. “Maybe it’s someone who’s just as sick about you complaining about the cold as I am,” JT says. “Where are my mittens?” Z ponders. “You’re not getting any, you don’t deserve them,” says Nate, and Z goes to put him in a headlock. The boys start arguing about why they do or do not deserve mittens and EJ turns back to you. “So,” he says, “any more questions?” --- The boys win in OT and there’s excitement radiating through the locker room. You’re not doing the postgame; Lauren is, but you follow her around anyway, mostly because you love the locker room after a win. The happiness is contagious, and you find yourself smiling all evening. Most of the guys have gone home when Lauren packs up her final stuff. “What a game to end with before Christmas, huh?” she says, giving you a quick hug. “Merry Christmas, Y/N!” “You sure you don’t want to come?” JT’s voice is filled with enough worry that it catches your attention. You pretend to focus on packing your bag, the door slamming shut behind Lauren as she leaves. It’s just you, JT and Tyson, now. “Nah, man, it’s okay.” Tyson sounds a little down, which is not what you would’ve expected, after he scored to put them into OT earlier. “You’re with your girl, and I don’t wanna be a third wheel. I’ll be fine.” “But you can’t be alone on Christmas.” JT is clearly indignant. 

You’re just standing up when Tyson gives JT a playful shove. “Go, Comph. Go have a fun Christmas. I’ll be chill here.” JT rolls his eyes but gives Tyson a quick bro hug. As he’s leaving the locker room, he sends you a smile, a “happy holidays” and then he’s gone. You turn to Tyson. 

“You’re staying here for the holidays?” Tyson shrugs as he puts on his coat. It’s not nearly thick enough to be a winter coat, and he’s not wearing a scarf. He does however, take the mittens and put them on his hands. “My mom is on a cruise and Kacey is celebrating Christmas at her boyfriend’s house. Everyone is leaving me alone this year.” He’s trying to sound light, like he’s joking, but there’s a sharp edge in his voice that tells you it matters more to him than he’s willing to let on.

Something squeezes in your chest. Nobody should be alone on Christmas. “My family is coming to my apartment on Christmas Eve to have dinner, do you want to come?” You blurt it out before really thinking it through; it’s probably gonna be hard to explain to your parents, that you’re suddenly having a guy over for Christmas, and maybe Tyson will think it’s weird that you’re asking him: you just heard him tell JT no, so why would you think he wants to come hang out with you? But when you brave looking up at him, Tyson is smiling widely. “You sure?” he asks. “Is it not too much trouble? I can help you cook if you want. Or, you probably don’t want that, because I suck at cooking, but I can do whatever else you need me to do. I’d bring gifts for all your family, of course, and…” He’s rambling, and it’s cute. “Tys,” you interrupt him, and you can’t help how fond you sound. “They’ll love having you around. My dad is always saying it’s not fair, four girls and one guy, and my sister is bringing her girlfriend, so I could use a partner in crime, too.” “Okay, that’d be awesome,” Tyson says truthfully, “thanks so much, Y/N.” He smiles at you brightly and then puts on his mittens. “Dude, these are so warm, I love them.” You nearly promise to make him a hat and scarf too, but then you figure you might’ve exceeded your maximum amount of weird for the day by inviting him to Christmas dinner, so you quietly follow him out to the parking lot while he excitedly chatters about Christmas movies. --- It’s the morning of Christmas Eve and you’re this close to having a mental breakdown. Your house is a mess; you figured you didn’t need to clean it, your family has seen it all, but now Tyson is coming and you would like him to not think you’re the biggest slob in the world. Also, there’s the fact that an extra mouth to feed means more food necessary, so you have to go to the store and get more groceries. All in all it means that when your doorbell rings, you’re still wearing an old Avs hoodie and leggings, and you’re pretty sure there’s cookie dough in your hair because you decided you needed dessert after all. It’s not like Tyson gets to sin all the time. Christmas is as good an excuse as any. “Hey,” Tyson smiles. He’s looking annoyingly nice, wearing a grey jumper and dark blue slacks. As soon as he sees the state of you, he frowns. “What is that in your hair?” “Cookie dough,” you tell him honestly. “You look nice.” “Thanks,” Tyson grins proudly, “I Facetimed Kacey to pick out the colors.” He walks into your apartment like he’s been there a million times before, pushes a bottle of wine into your hands and starts unpacking the bag with presents he brought, putting them under the tree. “Am I early?” “A little,” you admit. “I, uhm, kinda still need to shower. You know, get the cookie dough out of my hair.” You think about it, for a few seconds, then decide that you can trust Tyson with this one thing. “Can you take the cookies out of the oven in 10 minutes so I can shower?” Tyson nods, throws you a thumbs up and then parks his butt on the couch like that’s where he belongs.

It makes you feel... things.  And, well, you might take a little longer to get ready – putting a little more effort in your make up and hair than you would’ve if it had just been your family -  but the last thing you expect when you come back in is for everything to be ready. Except it is. There’s candles lit on your coffee table and the presents are all under the tree. Your mom has a glass of wine in her hands and greets you with a “honey, there you are!” Your sister and her girlfriend aren’t there yet, but your dad is standing at the dining table with Tyson. The dining table is fully laid and Tyson has a half eaten cookie in his hand. “Sorry,” he grins, when he spots you. “They just looked too good not to touch.” You must’ve been staring at the scene a little sheepishly, cause your mom laughs. “You okay there, honey?” 

“Uh yeah,” you bring out. “I see you met Tyson?” Your mom’s face instantly brightens. “Oh yes, we have, but if you want to do proper introductions…” For a split second, you panic, because you don’t actually know how to introduce Tyson – a friend? A coworker? You can’t really say an unreachable crush – but you’re saved by the door bell. “Y/N!” your sister says, giving you a quick sideways hug. “Amy and I brought some extra wine, in case you didn’t have enough booze and we have to listen to dad talk about baseball all evening while sober…” She stops dead in her tracks as soon as she sees Tyson. “Oh, hello.” “Thanks, Meg,” you mumble. “We uh, have enough, probably, cause Tyson brought some too.” Meg turns to you, wiggling her eyebrows. “A boy that brings wine? Keep him around, will ya.” You’re about to tell her to shut up, when your mom stands up. “Time for dinner!” --- It turns out Tyson fits in with your family right away, and you’re not even halfway through the night when you realize your catastrophically big mistake. Seeing him like this, as if he’s an integral part of your life already, does nothing to help your massive crush on him. Because Tyson is perfect. He talks sports with your dad and interior design with your mom – “My mom used to redecorate our place every year or so, you pick up some stuff” – and falls into a flawless routine of teasing you with Meg. He tops up glasses, passes the salt without being asked, and every now and then he sends you a smile that has your stomach turn in your body. It’s not until after dinner, when you’re standing in the kitchen with your mom, cleaning dishes, that you understand your mistake has been even bigger than you thought. “I’m so happy for you, sweetheart,” your mom coos. She’s looking at you with fond eyes. “I was worried, you know, that you never introduced us to a boy or girl. I don’t want you to be lonely here in Denver. But Tyson is such a lovely guy. You can tell he really loves you.” You can… what? “Oh, no, mom,” you stutter, “he’s not… He doesn’t…” “Oh, but he does,” she interrupts. “I see it in the way he looks at you, you know. When a person really loves someone, it’s in their eyes. And Tyson looks at you with love. You deserve someone who cares about you, babe, and I’m just so happy you’ve got someone here in Denver, when we’re so far away. I just don’t want you to be alone.” And, fuck, your mom clearly thinks you’re dating Tyson, and you realize you still haven’t introduced him properly to your family, of course they think you’re dating, who brings home a guy to Christmas for platonic reasons? You know you should tell her that you’re not dating, you know that, but she looks so genuinely happy, and you know if you tell her now it’ll break her heart. Quietly, you sneak a glance towards the living room. Your dad laughs at something Tyson says while Tyson ruffles through Meg’s hair. She swats at him, and Amy is smiling. Every single one of them would be upset to hear that Tyson is nothing more than a crush that’s way out of your league. 

You know you have to tell them. But maybe just not tonight. Maybe, just for one Christmas, you can let them be happy. “Thanks, mom,” you force out a smile and your mom returns to the dishes. It’s not even a few seconds later that Tyson wanders into the kitchen. “Hey,” he smiles, “can I help?” He leans into you and puts a hand on the small of your back and your heart flutters and it’s innocent, sure it is, he’s just trying to be friendly, but your mom gives you a knowing look as she says: “Sure, you guys finish up here,” and demonstratively closes the kitchen door behind her, leaving the two of you alone. “Your family is awesome,” Tyson grins, as he starts to dry the dishes. “Meg tells me you guys go skiing every February. Me and Kacey usually try to go during bye week, Meg said maybe we can go together!” And something inside of you bursts. “My family thinks we’re dating.” Tyson frowns, puts the plate he was drying down. “Oh, really?” He doesn’t sound upset by the fact, simply curious, and you sigh. You’re gonna have to explain this one. “I guess I just didn’t really think to tell them who you are or like, what we are? And so they just saw that I invited a guy to Christmas and they assumed that we’re together. They absolutely love you, Tys, and they always worry so much about me having a boyfriend, and I just…” You pause; you know you’re turning red and it’s impossible to get out the words. “Hey, it’s okay,” Tyson says gently. He reaches out, his hand landing on your arm in a gesture of comfort. “You don’t have to tell them now. We can just… date.” He flushes. “Fake date, I mean. For tonight. Or, like, however long you need us to.” “Really?” you ask, relieved, and Tyson laughs. “Don’t sound so surprised. As if it’s such a hardship, to pretend to be your boyfriend.” He shoots you a wink, puts the final plate away and wanders back to the living room. Leaving you absolutely stunned, wondering what just happened. --- “Gifts!” Meg says, clasping her hands together. “The true meaning of Christmas!” Your mom gives her a disapproving look, but even your dad is eyeing the presents under the tree with a little too much interest.   “I’ll go first,” Tyson says with shining eyes, “being the new one in the family, and all that.” “Ah, yay, it’s not me anymore,” Amy giggles, and you swear to God you are going to die. Somehow, despite not knowing your family, Tyson nailed his gifts. Your dad is over the moon with his new slippers, your mom keeps sniffing the scented candle he gives her, and Meg smacks Tyson across the head with the Avalanche beanie he got her, until she notices there’s two tickets to a musical that Amy has been wanting to see in there. 

You’re a little jealous, because you love gifts like that, until Tyson hands you an envelope. “I heard you tell Gravy how much you like them,” he says, and he sounds a little off. Nervous, even. “And if you need a plus one…” He wiggles his eyebrows and laughs, but even his giggle comes out a little nervous. In the envelope is two tickets to your favorite band, who are playing in Denver next month. You didn’t end up getting tickets cause they were sold out stupidly quickly and were ridiculously expensive in resale. “Oh my God, Tys, that’s way too much,” you tell him in awe, but Tyson just shrugs. “No use for an NHL salary if you can’t spend it on the people you care about.” It sounds weirdly genuine, a deeper level of something ringing through, but it’s way too much to unpack right now. You feel a little stupid about your gift for him, now – a nice wallet cause his old one looks like it’s been through a lot – although Tyson seems really happy with it, even gives you a hug to say thank you. For the rest of your family, you’ve got a normal gift and something knitted, as extra, and it’s not until you catch sight of the deep frown on Tyson’s face that you realize something. Fuck. You forgot about the fucking mittens. “Isn’t it cute, Tyson?” your mom says, as she wraps the scarf you made her around her neck. “She always knits people gifts. I swear it’s her way of saying how much she loves them. She spends so much time on these.” She pauses. “I mean, you’ve probably been with her while she makes them, you know.” “Yeah,” says Tyson, slowly, although you know he has no clue. After that, it’s like you can’t even really enjoy the rest of the night; you can’t focus on the Christmas movie Meg puts on, can’t focus on how cute it is when she cuddles up with Amy, can’t focus on how fondly your mom is smiling down at you or your dad’s soft snores as he falls asleep halfway through. You can focus on Tyson’s thigh pressed against yours, and how you have no idea how to explain to him why you knitted him those mittens. Finally, your mom stands up, gently kicks your dad’s legs, and smiles at you. “I think it’s time for us to go,” she says. “I’m sure you two wants to enjoy some part of Christmas Eve in privacy, too.” “Mom,” you scold her, feeling your cheeks heat up. Tyson grins at you. By the door, as your mom gives you a hug, she whispers: “He’s a keeper, honey,” and you nearly tell her everything. “Yeah, he’s alright,” Meg says way too loudly, and you hear Tyson giggle in the background and you decide to shut up. The door closes behind them and immediately, Tyson stretches out on the couch. “Ah,” he says. “I’m pretty good at impressing the in laws, no?” You don’t remind him that they’re not actually his in laws. Instead, you fall back onto the couch and groan. “Are you not gonna make fun of me for knitting you mittens and leaving them anonymously in your stall?” you ask, because you might as well get over it. Tyson frowns. “Why would I do that? Those mittens rock, my hands haven’t been cold since.” You blush. “Yeah, but, don’t you think it’s weird that I made those? I didn’t make any for the rest of the team.” For a second, he seems to think about that. Then he moves a little closer, his hand coming to rest on your thigh. Electricity zips through your veins at the contact. “I kinda hoped that meant something,” Tyson says slowly. “Tell me if I’m wrong?” You only had two glasses of wine but you feel like your world is spinning as Tyson moves closer tauntingly slowly. Finally, his lips touch yours, and you understand every cliché ever written into any romantic Christmas movie. When his hand moves to your thigh, settles on the skin right below the hem of your dress, you yelp.

“How are your hands still cold?” 

Tyson chuckles. “I mean, I haven’t been wearing my mittens, so...” 

---

Years later, you’re laying on the couch with your daughter, watching a Christmas movie after having just set up the tree.

“Daddy, what was your favorite Christmas present Santa ever gave you?” your daughter asks. 

Tyson sends you a private look above her head, then focuses on her. 

“A pair of hand knitted mittens.” 

“Like the one mommy made me?” she asks, and he grins.

“Yeah, kinda like that.”