#I fucking loved emilie autumn in high school

[autumnblooms]

The Devil’s Carnival soundtrack came on while I drove to work this morning, and now I’m thinking about Emilie Autumn and my Victorian mourning ghoulette design, and 14 year old me is just so fucking happy

I mean….anyone else seeing what I’m getting at here?

[colorisbyshe]

June Monthly Music: Half Way Through Edition

Music released before June 13th because WOW this month is stacked and this post is already this big this early!

Kaytranada came out with a new album--"Wasted Words (ft Thundercat)" has hilarious lyrics, "Weird (ft Durand Bernarr)" scratches an itch if you miss Azealia's vocalizations but can't listen to her for obv reasons, "Snap My Fingers (ft Pinkpantheress)" is bouncy and sweet, and "Still (ft Charlotte Day Wilson)" is a pleasant ache of a song. Not a groundbreaking album but reliable and solid.

"Drip Sweat" is my fave off that album, which is why it gets its own line. Very hypnotic, like being tugged into a dark corner at the club for some privacy.

After years away, Foster the People are back with a whole entire new sound. "Lost in Space" is... confusing at first but it kinda makes me think of Katamari Damacy... so I like it. I do not know if it's good, I am prejudiced. (Supermodel was one of my fave albums of all time.)

If you enjoy music from The Sims, yes, the game, give "Open World" by Toconoma a shot. A bit funkier, less perfect for constant looping but it's a purely instrumental song capable of invoking the same joy as booting up the game and hearing creation mode.

NGL, the singles were bangers, but I kinda feel... underwhelmed by the Charli XCX album (didn't think it was bad, just overhyped) but of the new tracks I really dug "Sympathy is a Knife," "Talk Talk," and "365." Bonus tracks are fun tho, "Springbreakers" is my fave.

Raveena's collab wiith JPEGMAFIA, "Junebug," is a sprawling river of champagne through a land of glistening sands and bubbling clouds.

"New Way Out" by Poppy is for those of you who want a song that feels like a re-imagining of Evanescence's "Going Under" by BMTH.

"Balloon in Love" by Sunmi is... cute. I love Sunmi but it's just fine. Worth a try.

"I Am the King" Fat Dog. This track FEELS like an interlude but in a way that makes you feel transient as well. Time is escaping, this song is escaping, you are escaping.

Peggy Gou released her first album and while none of it is as classic as her earlier track, "Starry Night," I do think if you like groovy dance music, "1+1=1," "All that (ft Villano Antillano), and "I Believe in Love Again" are worth checking out!

BREE RUNWAY IS BACK! "JUST LIKE THAT" IS WAY TOO SHORT BUT IF YOU LIKE MISSY ELLIOT, CHECK OUT THIS ELECTRIFYING TRACK.

"She a Wolf" Wayv. Fuck SM but this track does kinda go off. This is a song that would be fun as hell in an arena setting.

Glass Animal's "A Tear in Space" is a massive improvement over the lead single for their upcoming album. Still a step below their older stuff but if you were scared off from the last single, maybe give the a second chance.

"MPH" Doechii. High energy and it is, in fact, givin 'em cunt.

Music I vibed with this month regardless of release date:

"Good Club" Prince Club. Deep house track.

"The Feeding" Real Farmer. Punk, indie rock.

"The Bitch" Basic Element. I laugh-cry at the lyrics every time.

"Moonraker" Enth. Anime-ass song. Fun Jrock that you can imagine an anime character running through grass to.

"Opheliac" Emilie Autumn. Not for everyone but it was for me in middle school <3

"Jaded" Spiritbox. If you liked the Poppy track, come here.

"Make Love" Daft Punk. Transcendent.

NOW ITS YOUR TURN CAN SOMEONE RECOMMEND ME NON-ENGLISH MUSIC, PREFERABLY NOT KPOP (I LISTEN TO ENOUGH DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME)

Any genre works besides like... ballads... or screamo without a balancing melodic voice in the mix. Please. Anons, replies, whatever welcome

[stardew-goblin]

why their favourite items are their favourite items for the bachelorettes? you can just pick one item if you like

OH I’ve been thinking about this since I started playing! I tried to do the things that aren’t as commonly thought about as favorites. I hope you enjoy! Thank you ily <3

HA so after doing all of the bachelors I re-read and realized it was only an ask for the bachelorettes SO you get both now hehe

Sebastian

Favorite thing: Pumpkin soup

His dad left them in the fall which is why he has an aversion to most of the autumn seasonal flavors

He was really attached to his dad as a baby so when he abandoned them it hurt Sebastian really badly

The one thing he can’t seem to stay away from is pumpkin soup though

Robin actually has cooked it since he can remember

It was his dads favorite too

It brings back the good memories he has from when his parents were together

Robin only makes it when Maru and Demetrius are out together doing sciency things

They sit on the couch together and watch old movies and bond while they eat it but Robin keeps it a secret because she knows he doesn’t like to come across as a softie

She’ll also make him some if she knows he’s particularly down. She’ll just run it down to his room, kiss him on the forehead, remind him that she’s always there if he needs to talk, and leaves him be

Sam

Favorite thing: Tigerseye

Before Kent could afford the mermaid pendant for Jodi, his mom gave him an old tigerseye ring to propose with

Sam always though it was more romantic than a stupid mermaid pendant (basic, duh)

He used to sit on his grandma’s lap as a kid and she would tell him all about his grandpa who died before Sam was born

He was poor, too, when they got married and he managed to trade some manual labor for the ring

It always reminds him of his family and how much he loves them

100% will propose with a tigerseye ring instead of a mermaid pendant

Harvey

Favorite thing: Coffee

Started drinking coffee in middle school

His grandma would always brew a pot while he was over and they would sit and chat about life

The smell of coffee always reminds him of her

He still makes it how she would make it for him. 2 spoonfuls of sugar. That’s it.

He regularly uses the coffee cup he would always use at her house

It has ducks on it with blue trim

Every year on the anniversary of her death he’ll bring a thermos and two cups and sit at her grave and drink coffee and talk about how life is going

He misses his grandma very much

Elliott

Favorite thing: Pomegranate

He knew Leah before he moved to the valley

They’ve been best friends for years

He gets sick a lot and tends to forget to take care of himself sometimes

Leah has always made sure he was okay

She would bring him fruits and soup and make sure he was staying hydrated

One day she brought a few pomegranates

How the fUCK do you eat a pomegranate ??

Leah help me please for the love Yoba what is this weird ass fruit you’ve brought to me on my death bed

Once he actually ate some though, he could not get enough.

It was the first thing he could actually taste in days and it was so sweet and flavorful

He will not buy his own pomegranates though.

It has to be a gift or it’s not the same

Shane

Favorite thing: Hot pepper

Used to struggle with really bad anxiety

He would disassociate a lot

Struggled with mental grounding techniques

So one day is dad was like

Here son

Bite into this hot ass pepper

It was so spicy that it snapped Shane back into reality

He used to keep a ziplock bag of hot peppers in his pocket

Sometimes will still bite into one if he’s particularly going through it

One time gave Sam one at work and told him it wasn’t spicy

Sam cried in the bathroom for 20 minutes

Now Shane has to keep his waterbottles with him at all times because Sam puts weird stuff in them as payback

Alex

Favorite thing: complete breakfast

Alex never wanted to leave his room after his mom died

He would cry himself to sleep every night

He refused to eat with his grandparents

Evelyn would make him hashbrowns, eggs, and pancakes with a side of milk every morning

And would leave it in his room for him to eat when he was hungry

And would always stick a note on the tray reading “breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I love you always. Grandma.”

She never pressured him to do something he didn’t want to do

But ALWAYS reminded him that he was loved

Complete breakfast reminds him that Evelyn loves him no matter what

It will always feel like a warm hug

Abigail

Favorite thing: Pufferfish

When Abigail was little, Pierre and Caroline used to take her to the aquarium in Zuzu City

Her favorite was always the pufferfish

She felt like she could relate to them

Always keeping people at an arms length

Tough when she has to be

She used to collect pufferfish plushies

Does not actually eat them

She could never

But she likes how you can die from consuming them incorrectly

Kicking ass from beyond the grave

Haley

Favorite thing: Coconut

She actually likes the smell more than anything but is a sucker for coconut shavings on her desserts

She’s allergic to coconut

But it isn’t deadly

Emily used to use coconut body spray to hide the weed smell when she was in high school

Haley thought Emily was so cool

Will always remind her of when her and her sister got along better

Haley has a mean streak but is very sentimental

She’ll still tease Emily about it

Keeps a small bottle of coconut body spray in her room for when she needs to feel better

Will not admit to anyone ever about why she likes coconut so much

Penny

Favorite thing: Tom Kha Soup

Elliott actually introduced Penny to the dish

Penny and Pam had gotten into a particularly nasty argument which left Penny in tears

It was pouring but she needed out of the trailer

She went to sit on the docks to listen to the ocean until she calmed down

Elliott saw her sitting alone in the cold rain and invited her inside

He was just about to sit down for one of his favorites, Tom Kha soup, and gladly prepared a bowl for Penny

She had never been close to Elliott even though she saw him at the library often

The soup was delicious

And she was blown away by his kindness and how easily she felt comfortable talking to him

She tries to cook it (it’s terrible)

She always beings some to Elliott (he never comments on how awful it is, and politely accepts it)

(He throws it in the ocean when she’s gone though)

Emily

Favorite thing: Survival burger

Emily is a vegetarian

Her favorite food before she went vegetarian was cheeseburgers

Her first girlfriend showed her how to make burgers from eggplant

She is the one who showed Gus how to make them and season them properly to taste good

She got Haley hooked on them too

She’s lowkey one of those vegetarians that wants everyone to be a vegetarian

Her favorite recipe to show off because it really does taste like a frickin burger

Maru

Favorite thing: Rhubarb Pie

Maru really wishes that she and Sebastian were still close

As small children they did everything together

She looked up to her big brother

They used to play in the lake by their house during summers

She would always catch frogs. It was her favorite thing.

They would come into the cool house when the sun went down and lounge on the couch watching cartoons

Robin would frequently make Rhubarb pie for dessert

Maru and Sebastian loved it

They would eat it in front of the TV and joke around with each other

Rhubarb Pie still reminds her of those warm summer nights when her big brother was still her best friend

Leah

Favorite thing: stir fry

The first time she ever tried stir fry was right before she moved to the valley

Like literally her last meal in the city was stir fry from a restaurant around the corner from her old apartment

It was their only option that had mostly vegetables and oh my Yoba was it delicious

The day she moved was the most hopeful day she’s ever had in her life

New beginnings were terrifying but Leah knew everything would be okay

She always makes stir fry before she tries something she’s terrified to do

It reminds her that new things are scary but she can really do anything she puts her mind to

[sisternihil]

Chapter One: Illuminating

Series: Douce (masterlist)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None for this chapter; 18+ after 

Word Count: 1.4k

The third Saturday of September was a perfect autumn day. Crisp and sunny. Just right. 

The pumpkin patch was more crowded than usual with a suspicious black SUV obscuring the storefront. You parked and started walking down the dirt path to the patches when a gentle voice called behind you. 

‘Miss?’ 

Spinning on your heels, assuming you dropped something you head toward the voice. You stopped several feet in front of him and glanced over his tall, thin frame. He was pretty, pale with plump lips albeit a bit dry. Light brown hair was tucked behind his left ear with soft curly ends resting at his shoulders and his eyes were brown, no wait, they’re hazel in the sunlight. He was beautiful. 

‘Miss?’ He calls again. 

‘Yes.’ you answer meeting his gaze. 

‘I’m Spencer Reid from the FBI, I work with the behavioral analysis unit. We’re investing a disappearance that may have occurred in a corn maze in the area’ his tone was oddly calm considering the circumstances.  

‘I heard about that, it’s terrible’ you say as you look down at your dusty shoes. His pants don’t quite touch the tops of his beat-up black and white Chucks and you notice that both his socks are different patterns and colors and you can’t help but smile wide at him. 

Is he blushing? 

‘Ha-have you seen anyone suspicious in the area?’ He inquires

He’s definitely blushing. 

‘Unfortunately no, this is my first trip out here this year. Could I call you if I see anything suspicious?’ 

You hope he picks up the suggestion but you aren’t sure until he fumbles with his wallet to pull out a business card. 

You take it and read aloud ‘Dr. Spencer Reid? You’re impressive you can’t be older than 30.’ 

‘I, uh, I graduated high school when I was 12 and I am actually 31.’ He’s smoothing his hair back and shifting his weight.  

‘Now I’m just embarrassed for myself.’ You chortle, pocketing his card and turning back to the pumpkin patch

‘Uh, you know you could call me even if you don’t see anything suspicious’ he’s trying to sound as confident as possible like Derek had told him. 

You face him and smile, ‘I will Dr. Reid.’ 

He gives you a small wave and slight grin and you try not to be too obvious in your excitement. 

Is he the cutest guy you’ve ever seen? He has to be. Suddenly your focus isn’t about finding the most symmetrical pumpkin ever. Should you call him? He was probably just being nice. But he’s so cute. You fight with your inner monologue until you walk back with a pretty good pumpkin.  

At the register, you grab fresh donuts and apple cider and tote them to your car. He’s leaning against a black SUV with another handsome guy and a pretty dark-haired woman. You assume those are his partners. 

‘Is that her?’ Derek tilts his head toward you. 

‘Yes, that’s her. Could you be more conspicuous?’ he breathes out 

‘Did you get her name or number?’ both partners ask talking over each other

‘Well, no’ Spencer rubs the back of his neck ‘I just asked her to call me’ 

‘Go, go, go’ Emily and Derek say in unison pushing him forward. 

You can hear someone jogging behind you as you shut your trunk. 

‘Dr. Reid?’ 

‘Um, I forgot to ask, or, well, I wanted to ask, could I-I possibly have your number too?’ 

‘Of course’ you smile and squeeze his arm lightly. Laying his card on your trunk you send a text ‘Hi, it’s Y/N, the girl from the pumpkin patch’ 

His phone chimes, ‘that’d be me’ you state and open your car door ‘talk to you soon’. 

‘Atta boy’ one of his partners calls out and you can see his male partner slapping his shoulder. 

— — — — 

On Tuesday you’re immersed in your tarp-covered living room floor with all the tools needed to carve a pumpkin and Hocus Pocus playing in the background. Deciding to finally reach out to the cute doctor you snap a picture of your pumpkin and mess and send it. A ping sounds almost instantly with a compliment to your design and Dr. Reid asking if he could call instead. 

‘Hi’ you hope he can hear the smile in your voice.

‘H-hi’ you can, however, hear the nerves in his voice. 

Spencer is fiddling with his tie trying to remember how to talk. 

‘Spencer are you there?’ 

‘Ye-yea, I’m here. U-um, I wanted to ask...wouldyouliketogoonadatewithmeSunday’

‘What did you have in mind?’

‘Well, there’s this illuminated pumpkin patch I think you’d love and maybe we could have dinner first?’

‘That sounds amazing.’ you try to hide an excited giggle but it slips out anyway. Spencer lets out a sigh of relief and you carry on with some small talk. 

Before you realize two hours have gone by and you feel as if you know Spencer better than anyone you’d met in the last year in the city. 

Soft yawns start to interrupt the conversation and both of you bid farewell. 

— — — —

Spencer can’t sleep. Not that that’s unusual but tonight he tosses and turns replaying their conversation over in his head. You giggle a lot and yet somehow her presence is very reassuring. He decides needs that. 

Soft, affirming, and affectionate. Well, he doesn’t know if you’re affectionate yet or not but he imagines you are. When you touched him at the pumpkin patch he felt like his skin was on fire and he longed for you to touch him again. Wait, was he that touch starved? He decides he is.  

— — — —

Sunday can’t come fast enough for either of you. Spencer had insisted that he would pick you up and you’d reluctantly agreed. Surely someone for the FBI  wouldn’t be a creep. By Friday you had already picked out your outfit - a cozy sweater, jeans, and booties. You were only a little bit excited, okay that was an understatement. Spencer called every day when he was able and if he couldn’t you always made sure to at least say ‘hi’ via text. 

Sunday comes as fast as you’d expect and a shrill ding sounds from the front door. Oh man, you’re fucked. His hair is messed up but in that perfect bedhead sorta way and he’s wearing black and gold horn-rimmed glasses. He’s got on so many layers you don’t bother to count and you realize the mismatched socks are a signature and not a gaffe. 

‘I got this for you’ he’s reaching out to place a small ceramic ghost-shaped candy bowl in your hands with a handwritten note attached to the side. ‘I put all of my favorite candies inside and made a ranking chart for you’. You want to melt, how could someone be so sweet? Your cheeks feel unbearably warm as you invite him in while you put up your gift. 

‘Let’s go’ you say as your smiling and pulling him out the door. He drives an old VW bug and this doesn’t surprise you in the least. 

Dinner goes like catching up with an old friend and you manage to make him snort-laugh with a few really bad jokes. 

‘What kind of overalls does Mario wear? Denim-denim-denim.’ 

Your final destination of the night is just within walking distance from the restaurant. You take note that Spencer walks on the outside of you closest to the street. As you’re about to point this out Spencer starts to explain the Middle Age origins of which side of a man was socially acceptable to walk on and why. ‘Do you know everything?’ It sounds harsh as you blurt it out and you correct yourself ‘I mean is there anything you don’t know something about.’

‘Of course’ he says excitable ‘information and science are constantly evolving so one can’t know everything.’  

Your fingers brush against his lightly and he intertwines them. His hands are soft, warm, and engulfing. Fairy lights start to come into view and for a moment you’re almost overwhelmed. Spencer hands two tickets to a booth attendant and you stare in disbelief.  

‘Do you like it?’ 

‘I love it’

Turning to face him you place a chaste kiss on his lips and take his hand as you start walking. Thousands of carved and lit pumpkins line a walkway with displays set up in intervals. Both of you are enthralled with the craftsmanship put into each pumpkin. 

You watch his face as he studies what is before him. His profile is dreamy - a cute little nose and a jaw that could cut glass. You were fucked, absolutely, and thoroughly. You knew it when you first laid eyes on him and tonight just reaffirmed your suspicions. 

You were deeply, deeply infatuated with Dr. Reid. 

— — — —

[hip-hip-she-gayyy]

Answer all of them ;D

You asked for it :P

soft asks: 1. cherry - what is your sexuality? Lesbian! 2. lollipop - favorite makeup products? I don't really wear makeup, but when I do it's mostly just fun shit like eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, and/or lipstick. 3. daydreams - if you could be anything or anyone, who would you be? @delicateladybluebird's wife :P 4. october - what month were you born in? February! 5. caress - do you like to snuggle? Yes! 6. ivory - describe your pajamas? Pink hammered satin shorts/cami set 7. golden - favorite stationary product? I love a good pen 8. freckles - most-worn article of clothing? black work pants 9. twilight - best friend? My buddy, Derrik <3 10. silk - do you like k-pop? I don't really get into it 11. poppy - favorite pastel color? yellow 12. dimples - most attractive features of a person’s face? eyes and freckles 13. sunkissed - autumn or spring? spring! I love blooming things 14. buttery - favorite snack? @delicateladybluebird, but also cheese sticks lol 15. whisper - how much sleep do you get? Usually around 8 hours 16. pencil - do you own a journal? I have some old ones, but I don't really journal much anymore. 17. cupcake - are you a good cook? I like to think I'm pretty good-- I don't get a lot of practice these days, though. 18. honey - favorite term of endearment? Unironically, "my lady" 19. clouds - describe one of your favorite dreams? I don't really have any recurring ones that aren't some form of tech week stress nightmare 20. velvet - who was your first crush? Sarah Michelle Gellar in Buffy 21. paper - favorite children’s book? I was obsessed with reading as a kid, so I can't really narrow it down. I do have a soft spot for reading Amelia Bedelia to kids. 22. peaches - do you have a skincare routine? When I actually follow it: I use a gentle face wash, toner, a gentle moisturizer, and undereye lotion. In the winter I use a heavier moisturizer. 23. mochi - favorite studio ghibli film? Spirited Away!! 24. backyard - did you ever have an imaginary friend? Oh, yeah, a ton. Were they ever consistent? No, not at all. 25. strawberry - favorite fruit? It's either lemons or pomegranates 26. kiss - have you ever kissed a friend?, Yup! First girl I ever kissed was one of my best friends in elementary school. 27. nightlight - do you read before bed? I fucking wish T_T 28. shampoo - favorite scent? Probably coconut right now 29. skin - what distant relative are you closest to? My cool second cousin! 30. aphrodite - favorite actress/actor? Idk probably Kristen Stewart? 31. cuddles - do you have any pets? Yes! Too many cats lol 32. lace - if you own any dresses, which is your favorite? Ooooh, tough one. Either my burnt orange velvet wrap dress OR my gold square neck dress that reminds me of Belle 33. sheets - sanrio or san-x characters? Sanrio, but also I really love Rilakkuma 34. cream - frozen yogurt flavor? I usually go for cheesecake-y flavors.

35. watermelon - do films ever make you cry? Yup! I'm a bit of a crybaby lol 36. sapphos - favorite poet? I'm a basic bitch, Emily Dickens 37. plush - how many stuffed animals do you still own? Uhhhh, 5 axolotls, 1 mini german shepherd my roommate in college gave me, a giant rainbow caterpillar, and I think that's it? 38. roses - what flower do you find most beautiful? Sunflowers! Peonies are a pretty close second, though 39. sweetheart - favorite mug/cup? I have two disney princess mugs a friend gave me for Christmas back in high school. We don't talk anymore and I'm not like the biggest disney fan, but I like having them and thinking of her when I use them. 40. sunset - what are your pronouns? She/her!

[youcantfiremebecauseiquit]

I think Courtney Love is as fake as Emilie Autumn. They both created alternate pasts and idealized identities for the images they want to project as famous people.

I just realized i wrote 2 pages or something of text. If you asked me in person i’d tell you maybe two sentences but when i have to write, i write too much. Sorry lol.

It’s your opinion and you have right to think so. But CL being comparable to Emilie Autumn? Dude. Alternate pasts? What pasts? Courtney Love didn’t create her past, she literally had fucked up past. And she didn’t lie about her family. She would sometimes exaggerate while saying her Hollywood/rock anecdotes but she didn’t lie about her past. I recommend buying „Dirty Blonde”. Idk, I think you simply don’t like her. Courtney Love had kinderwhore look for a few years and then switched to designer clothes, but she doesn’t undermine her previous looks and records (except for Pretty On The Inside, she doesn’t like it now). Courtney doesn’t create any fake alternate reality, she have recurring themes (like fallen women for example), but she does what she wants while Emilie milks the same old worn out thing for years. She writes about anything she wants to, from violence towards women and shady strip club situations, fallen women, eating disorders, post partum depression, riot grrrl poser movements and elitism to love, mourning, beauty/ugliness and finally being broken, in a constant falling-rising up-falling cycle (especially on later records). EA basically only writes about one subject for years. Courtney’s music may not be complicated and she might not have a perfect voice/looks/personality but she’s honest in her songs – girls and boys worldwide find themselves in her lyrics and experiences. You may not like her but that doesn’t mean her music is fake. I don’t think Emilie Autumn’s lyrics are fake either, it’s just that she’s narcissistic, mean and compulsively lying, rewriting her past every few years and only accepting endless praise – if you don’t like her, you’re her enemy. Courtney Love doesn’t care. She lets people think whatever they want to think.

As a Courtney Love fan knowing a lot about her i look at her a little different than people not liking her/not reading,listening to her. Courtney Love fans know well that sometimes you’ve got to take what Courtney says with a huge grain of salt, cause she likes to exaggerate stories to make them more interesting. (And Kurt Cobain did the very same thing. “Rock’n’roll stories” from his diaries. The whole “i was bullied cause i desperately tried to sleep with disabled girl in high school” story from Montage of Heck? That’s a madeup story he wrote in diary and later recorded on tape when he was bored. Somehow people don’t consider him “liar”.) Usually as a Courntey fan you learn to notice that border, and you can somehow “feel” where she exaggerates. Mostly i’d say when we notice those moments we all kind of get amused and laugh it off & continue to reading further. It’s not like we immediately get offended like “OMG she’s a liar i’m a fan no more”. The problem with EA is nobody believed she could ever lie, you would get hunted by fans if you dared to doubt her words. Her „history” was designed as something 100% true and real, but it turned out there’s more of fake than truth, yet she still continues to keep up her lies.

You can dislike Courtney’s nowadays lifestyle like red carpet designer dresses and all that glamour. But “creating a past and persona” or being a liar comparable to Emilie Autumn? How so? She doesn’t lie about her name - everybody knows her real name and she never pretended that Love is her birth surename. She adapted name Courtney Love in 80′s after her friend Pat Smear (from The Germs & later Nirvana) told her this would be a good artistic nickname for her. 

Courtney Love never lied about her parents or her youth. She had bad experiences with her family & certainly was raised poorly, but she didn’t try to rewrite her story or bury her parents in the “fire” (although she has good reasons to). Everybody knows about her therapist mother Linda Carrol & her father is Hank Harrison, previously manager of The Grateful Dead band. Courtney was even featured on the back cover on one of their records as a tiny child. Courtney wasn’t on good terms with mother and usually circled between her and other relatives. Her father is a complete piece of shit - he gave Courtney LSD when she was a toddler, which was why he lost a custody of her. He claims to know his daughter so well, even though he wasn’t raising her at all, and wrote a fucking book about how psychotic Courtney is, although he lost custody of her when she was a tiny toddler. And how Courtney killed Kurt. No, actually, he wrote A FUCKING BIOGRAPHY OF KURT, even though he never met him. Of course Kurt-was-murdered conspiracy fans consider him their beloved mascot because of that, asking for his opinion & believing anything he says.

Her family certainly weren’t as rich as EA���s, but they had some recognition and money. In the beginning of 80′s CL started getting some trust fund left by maternal grandparents, so she could afford going to other countries & make additional money stripping. 

Later she spent youth in different countries & boarding schools, later got arrested for shoplifting and spent time in correctional facility for teenage girls. In Dirty Blonde book she wrote about her experiences from that time, printed some papers from Hillcrest describing her behaviour. Idk, but Emilie Autumn took A HUGE inspiration from Courtney’s Dirty Blonde book. All the idea for including papers from hospital, all scrapbooking style was taken from Courtney. Even the fucking “red crayon” - guess what, Courtney’s book begins with a letter from facility written in red crayon, cause they don’t allow them to have pens.

The only thing i have doubts about are her universities. She said she studied English, philosophy & theology but I think it was only a few months/semesters. When you say someone studied this and that you immediately think the person finished studies, but in fact she was starting and dropping learning. But she never said she graduated or anything, so i think it is obvious she studied for one or two semesters or in weekends or something.

She always had an interest in rock music, although she prefered 80′s new wave and stuff like Fleetwood Mac and Echo and The Bunnymen, which she always admitted anyway. It’s not like she suddenly adapted rock music after it became profitable. She only learned how to play guitar in the very beginnings of Hole, so she probably only wanted to sing earlier. In the 80′s she spent time in Liverpool. She was hanging around with Echo and The Bunnymen band and apparently lived at Julian Cope’s house. It’s not made up, cause Cope was really jealous of her fame in 90′s. Plus i heard he wrote about her in his autobiography. Somebody wrote a book about Courtney’s time spent in Liverpool and London this year, but i don’t have it yet. But it’s not like she took all those stories from nowhere, she really spent time living with Echo & being a friend/roadie for other bands. I remember she also knew Joe Strummer, she was a friend or a roadie for The Clash. Later they also starred in Alex Cox’s movie. She was a young impressionable girl at the time, so she was learning from those bands. She had more goth/punk style at the time. 

People excuse her of leeching of whatever rockband she can & you can interpret it however you want, but seeing how she roadied with punk bands in her teens and how she liked to meet new rock bands after she got famous shows she liked to surround herself with people from rock circles. Men from rock bands hang around other men/women from other bands all the time but it’s always Courtney Love that gets shit for that.

You can doubt Courtney’s words on her inventing “kinderwhore” and starting that style trend. Although it was Courtney who coined that term. People usually yell that Courtney is unoriginal and that she stole the style from Kat Bjelland. And i say bullshit, it wasn’t even started by Kat. The girl from Divinyls did it before (CL admited she took it from her), Kim Shattuck of The Muffs did it before.

She said she liked cute dresses so much as an adult cause her mother always dressed her up rather manly– if you look at her childhood photos she indeed wasn’t looking like a „girly girl”, her mother was much into hippie culture. She got into that feminine look as she lost a lot of weight in the beginning of 90’s, so i guess that’s why she could pull off that babydoll look. Anyway here’s the interview where she explains the idea behind her style:

Courtney listened to different bands, she liked harsh noise like Big Black but she also liked Fleetwood Mac. She posted an advert she’s looking for people inspired by these particular bands, so it’s not like she was lying about her softer music side. I believe Pretty On The Inside was partly a “fuck you” to Kat Bjelland, partly she wanted to record the heaviest, most noisy record by a girl-fronted band. You could say she wasn’t honest cause she tried to impress people from that scene and be cool enough for them. Well, Courtney actually admitted later she wanted to prove her worth, impress people from that scene etc. That’s why the record is so noisy. But the lyrics aren’t fake. That kind of writing was consistent in her poems. She took those themes from her experiences, people she knew and situations she observed as a girl in a stripping business.

I don’t know how can anyone even judge if Live Through This era was fake or not, recording wise she competed with her husband and wanted a more polished record. But later in 1994 or 1995 she was a wreck, numbed with heroin after what happened. It’s really fucking hard to „fake a persona” when you’re a) mourning b) on heroin/oxy. What’s there to fake? Wearing skirts, missing Kurt or being on drugs? That’s fucking disrespectful to say that was „fake”.

Now a lot of people say she sucked after Celebrity Skin, but the truth is Celebrity Skin was probably her most real album/era soundwise. And I don’t even like this album that much. It was inspired by new wave/more poppy rock bands she loved and Courtney was actually satisfied with how it sounds. It was just a good time to her – she quit drugs, she had a successful album and tour, she was nominated for Golden Globe in 1996, she looked genuinely happy and glowing. People were mad cause she changed style – i think she changed style because of her acting career, to continue acting she probably wanted more polished look. But was it always that polished? She would hang out her tits onstage or dress as that „trash fairy” in 1999, so I’d say this glittery look was also partly ironic. And people saying she’s fake cause she chose acting career seem to forget she originally wanted to be an actress, she played in Sid and Nancy & Straight To Hell in 80’s.

People who say „oh she’s a fame whore” – well it’s not like she was ever hiding she likes/she always wanted fame. She wrote she likes fame because it’s challenging, because she gets off on it, etc.

I have mixed feelings about her designer clothes and red carpet looks and at times it seems fake to me too, cause red carpet is usually fake and embarrassing. It’s quite a contrast to her older punk & kinderwhore style. But people change with age anyway… Brody Dalle doesn’t look especially punk anymore, Kat Bjelland doesn’t wear dolly clothes. Emilie Autumn looks like a fucking christian grandma, sorry. Courtney Love likes designer clothes. *shrug*

However Courtney Love’s character and behaviour is consistent throughout the years, she talks the same as always. She doesn’t craft a new personality every few years like EA and she doesn;t erase her past like EA. She doesn’t milk her fans making overpriced shitty merch. It’s true it’s been a lot of years since she last released a CD, but she’s been releasing singles and touring A LOT during this decade, also engaging in fashion design and art. Emilie Autumn sits at home and makes stupid faces at her iPhone, produces more merch and doesn’t make/post music/play violin anymore.

The only thing I don’t like about her is how she can’t play guitar anymore. She used to know how to play guitar, you can watch any 1990-1995 show to see she knew how to play guitar. In CS era she would sing without guitar more, but she still could play. But after 2010 her abilities decreased a lot, someone leaked a sound of her live guitar and it turned out her playing became really… weak. She said after her cocaine use she lost ability to play and didn’t even know how to move her fingers, that she was learning playing all over again in rehab. Idk if something happened to her hands or if she’s just too lazy these days. It would improve if she just practiced everyday. Of course if you don’t practice you’ll get worse – i know it well cause i had a few years without playing guitar too. But it’s not like it’s impossible to improve. Other than that… yeah, i’m not really crazy about her designer clothes and event looks. I don’t like things like that. But she likes it, so why shouldn’t she go with that.

Courtney can be nice, can be mean, but she never flipped shit the same as Emilie Autumn. She likes fame but she knows where she fucks up while Emilie most of the time thinks she’s more famous than she is and is so full of herself. Courtney Love knows she’s not the greatest guitarist and singer, while Emilie thinks of herself as „virtuoso” and shades every other violinist in rock music (and violists), while in fact she is the epitome of „failed violinist”. She played music for easily impressionable fans who knew nothing about classical music, so it was easy for her to impress them with her fake violin playing with violin playback coming straight from the tape. It takes to be a high level of being a snowflake to claim you’re a virtuoso when in reality you never play live and if you do you play only scales, making beginner mistakes and being mediocre at most.  

Emilie Autumn always presented everything about herself to be true and personal, people believed her and literally praised her for that, feeling connection with her because they had bipolar disorder or stayed at psychiatric hospital, or lost family in a fire for real… And then it turned out all of Emilie Autumn’s life was a lie. She was hiding a real bitch under the guise of this cool „virtuoso” goth bipolar girl Emilie Autumn. Every year brought some new drama, she was less and less credible. She behaved awfully and treated her fandom like  shit repeatedly. I don’t know, i got interested in her at some point but i can’t stand her now & i don’t keep up with her stuff anymore (although i read on her latest blm drama), why bother yourself with someone who doesn’t respect anyone. You can dislike Courtney Love and i understand it, but I don’t see how she could be comparable to EA’s shit.

As for „idealized identities”… you realize that Courtney was on drugs most of her career? She would fuck up so much, getting ridiculed by the press and regular people. She would often embarrass herself unintentionally, she would often end up all smeared and tousled in a way that wasn’t planned as a „kinderwhore look for the evening”. Getting fat, getting horribly thin, sometimes looking nice but often looking what society perceives as ugly. People hated her and they still do. Her life was a mess at various points of her life and she was judged harshly… if that idealized version to you? People might preffer her kinderwhore days but when i look at it now, she had better days but some certain looks from early 90’s sometimes only highlighted how bad she felt at the time. Her most „ideal” version was 1996 and Celebrity Skin look, up to 2000 i’d say, she would wear nice clothes, brush her hair, add glitter, looking glam – as i said, she quit drugs in 1996 to be able to play in movies, i believe she wanted her life to change for the better, to try to be happier, to look nicer and cleaner and to set an example for her daughter. I think it’s awesome that she manager to get better, i wish i could change my life. Unfortunately in 2003 she went downhill again, this time it was in some days even worse cause she got into cocaine and something else, her album was a flop (interestingly, there was another, rockier version of American’s Sweetheart but Virgin Records told her to rerecord everything and put out worse songs), she would end up in court, she would lose the custody of Frances and had to go through drug tests and rehabs. She had ED i think, she gained a lot of weight at the time then went to stick thin. It was dragging on and you know how it went later, she was better and worse moments, still doing prescription drugs on and off, flopping with new version of Hole. I haven’t checked what she’s doing these days and kind of lost track but i think she’s so much better now and successful, she’s got fans wanting to see her live, she reunited with Hole members and she released a few solo singles that were actually fucking awesome (Courtney don’t be shy, make a new album, you actually write good songs recently). „Idealized identities”, well she’s as idealized as Amy Winehouse, lol.  

Courtney is human and makes mistakes all the time, but she doesn’t get offended when someone points them out and acknowledges her mistakes. Emilie Autumn thinks she does nothin wrong, she’s always right and if you don’t like it, fuck you, get outta her house, fucking patronizing fucking. Idk why should i explain it any longer, it’s obvious.

[lydiabennett]

lantern and spice?

autumnal asks !! how fucking cute !!

lantern – how did you meet your best friend? What were your first impressions of each other?

     i’m gonna say three and you can’t stop me so pbbt in chronological order: 

     simon: we met on an emilie autumn message board? we jumped to a couple other message boards for artists we liked, iirc, and started writing together. and it evolved from there !! i thought he was great and i had a huge crush on him v quickly, we eventually dated for a bit and then had a spectacularly dramatic breakup, and now we’re still best friends, he’s one of my top five favorite people in the universe, and i’m v pleased about it !!

     you!!: i think kaylee introduced us? if i’m remembering right? back when we were both working at the mall, and i think i was in high school. i just thought you were the coolest. i really did. i thought you were such a raging badass and i remember being like “i’m gonna be them when i grow up.” i have NO idea what you thought of me, i’m still not sure if we’ve ever dated and at this point i don’t think anyone is, there was lots of drama but it evened out and i’m so excited you’re my friend !!!

     marta: we met in 2014, in a writing group. rachel introduced us. i think it took us like, a whole two weeks to become attached at the hip. she’s come to see me - we live on different continents!! - and we spent two weeks together and honestly, it was the best. if “other halves” are a thing, i’m p sure she’s mine. i love her so much !!

[earnest-jumping]

For the asks— do all the even numbers!

107.58

That’s so long, fuck- ok here we go!

2. I am outgoing until I can’t mask anymore, or I have a sensory overload.

4 I like to think I am easy to get along with!

6 ,,,Attracted as in romantically? I have no idea. But in a platonic way, similar interests, concern for my wellbeing and happiness, understanding and knowing of my limits and able to compromise!

8 Real life, no one. But Drake Mallard lives rent free in my mind

10 My roommate! We are very similar in many ways and we have some similar backgrounds, so we talk often about them and everything going on right now as well.

12 current 5 favorite songs: Vices by Mothica, Garden Song by Phoebe Bridgers, A Letter To Time by Livingston, Peace by Taylor Swift, and Cherry Wine by Hozier!

14 I believe in miracles. This world is too random and spontaneous for things people deem miracles to not be, ya know? But I don’t believe in luck. Circumstance plays into it, as well as pure chance.

16 Oh, fuck no. I would not kiss them again

18 My guy I can’t even tell you what was really a crush and what was heteronormativity forced on me from grade school onward. So... no?

20 I live in a dorm and I fuckin love my neighbors rn. On one side they’re both enby like me, and on the other they’re super sweet and polite!

22 I really want to visit Europe. Classic american answer, yeah, but I love history and theirs is so much more interesting than ours

24 My favorote part of my daily routine (that is consistent, student teaching and classes are nuts) is spending time doing homework and hanging out with my roommate at the end of each day, before she goes in to work the night shift. It’s calm and gives us a chance to catch up!

26 When I wake up I usually groan and fall back asleep for another ten minutes. I make sure to have a few alarms set so I don’t sleep through the morning!

28 My roommate. We’ve known each other for three years and she doesn’t judge me or make me feel uncomfy- it’s really nice as someone with autism to be able to live in close, constant contact with someone who you trust and are comfortable around!

30 Hmm...maybe? Marriage isn’t something I’ve ever truly thought about in a realistic sense- sure, I���d imagine a wedding and what mine would look like if I had one. But I’ve never imagined actually GETTING married to someone.

32 I will not have a threesome with celebrities because I am ~traumatised~ and do not like sexual intimacy

34 I don’t play sports, but when I was little I was part of a gymnastics class!

36 I have indeed liked someone and never told them. It was honestly for the better lmao

38 I don’t think I can really describe a dream person? I’m not very keen on having a list to check off when looking for a partner. If anything, though, I’d say trustworthy and caring.

40 I’m already out of high school lol. I’m in my junior year majoring in Early Childhood/Special Education!

42 Being extremely quiet for me usually means sensory overload, depressive thoughts, or my rejection sensitive dysphoria rearing its ugly head. Most of the time its a mix of the three.

44 Trip to puter space > bottom of the ocean, any day. DEEP SEA SCARES ME!

46 I’m paranoid that everything I’ve ever done in my life is all for naught, and I’ve faked everything about myself subconsciously.

48 I have been drunk before! My seven year old self accidentally drank a full margarita instead of the kiddie version my grandma made with sprite instead of alcohol.

50 The color of the last hoodie I wore was grey!

52 One thing I wish I could change about myself is I wish I didn’t have so much weight. It’s not fun trying to navigate the world as an afab nonbinary person with people telling you it’s “just because you don’t like your body”.

54 My favorite store is Walmart for groceries (broke college students holla) and Torrid for clothes! (They have cuter stuff than anywhere else, and carry my size always)

56 My favorite color is Blue! Kind of a dark sky blue, like sky blue 3 or 4

58 I just had some Hershey’s candy drops as the last thing I ate!

60 In fourth and fifth grade I won two school writing competitions and got a trophy for it 😌 I wrote about the Titanic (thank you special interest)!

62 I have never been arrested, and I’m not planning on it any time soon lol

64 My first kiss was a dare and I hated every second of it cause the guy was an ass about it until it happened (he’d been badgering me for weeks)

66 Uhh I’m gonna be honest and say no? As much as I love my tumblr friends (ayy hi guys) I’ve known my friends in real life for longer and those bonds are just, amazing and so strong.

68 Tumblr > Twitter, any day.

70 my best friends’ names are: Emili, Autumn, Maggie, and Erin

72 My towels are grey

74 I have many stuffed animals- uh probably seven or eight.

76 Not answering this one lmao

78 My favorote ice cream clavor is Graham Central Station from this place called Bruster’s! It’s really good.

80 I am wearing blue pajama pants because ~comfy~

82 My favorite movie is Coraline! I watch it repeatedly

84 Mean Girls > 21 Jump Street

86 Nemo is my favorite character from Finding Nemo!

88 The last person I talked to today was my roommate

90 I love my baby brother Reid!

92 I am not currently in a fight with anyone.

94 I own three sweaters/hoodies- I need to get more!

96 My favorote actress is and always will be Kiera Knightley.

98 I do not tan a lot- naturally or artificially. I just burn #whitepeopleproblems

100 I am feeling *tired*. A bitch is exhausted today

102 I regret everything from my past

104 I don’t tend to miss people that much? I’m not good with emotional connections to people that last after they’re gone.

106 I feel like I’ve broken my mother’s heart- for coming out, for rebelling, etc.

108 I should be working on homework but I am not.

110 I have indeed liked someone so much it hurt- in the sense that liking them was not good for me and led to a lot of heartache.

112 The last person I cried in front of was my parents, and it was not on purpose lmao

114 I’ve been out of my state lots- Florida, South and North Carolina, West Virgina, Delaware, Massachusetts.

116 Nope, not currently listening to music.

118 I fuckin LOVE chinese food

120 I used to be afraid of the dark, not anymore. I love it now.

122 Cheating is NEVER okay.

124 I do not believe in love at first sight- I barely believe in love 🤷🏼

126 I am indeed currently bored

128 I would love to change my name- legally and personally. I’m not sure “Ryn” is suitable anymore

130 I don’t like subway. Not a fan of sub sandwiches

132 The last person I had a deep conversation with is my roommate

134 Pfft, no. I can’t count to one million my brain wouldn’t focus that long

136 Due to the fact I live in a community dorm hall, I sleep with my door closed and ~locked~

138 Straight hair

140 Winter > Summer

142 My favorite month is October! Atlanta Pride, my birthday, and Halloween! Plus it starts getting colder!

144 Dark>Milk>White chocolate, in that order

146 Since it’s now morning, yes today has been a good day so far

148 My favorite quote is anything that has to do with being a decent fucking human being

150 The first line of the page is “You were right”.

[avvoltoio]

⁹When I was in high school i was obsessed with a musician named Emilie Autumn, and tonight I had the strangest urge to look her up and see what she's been doing and apparently she wrote this book that was supposed to be a criticism of mental health facilities and an intimate look into her struggle with bipolar disorder, but instead it turned out as this silly, self-indulgent, American Magee's Alice knockoff story (tbh 17-year-old me wouldve fucking loved it). But also she apparently used all sorts of ableist slurs and made jokes at the expense of other mentally ill people in the book, despite her claim that shes a mental health advocate.

I also learned that her favorite mucisian is Morrissey, which should've been a red flag for me right from the beginning.

I like her music still because shes a very talented violinist, but her whole victorian asylum gimmick seems so juvenile now? Like, it hasn't matured at all past 2011? I guess that's part of growing up.

[sunsetofdoom]

A playlist for Thirteen??

You know, I already made one of these, but I’ll be damned if I haven’t spent the last two days adding songs onto Thirteen’s playlist as I write out her backstory and her chapter 2 plotline.

God, I am busting out a LOT of my high school Angry Fucked-Up Mess of a Girl music for this one.

Amanda Palmer’s The Perfect Fit

I can take a vowAnd I can wear a ringAnd I can make you promises butThey won’t mean a thingCan’t you do it for me?I’ll pay you wellFuck, I’ll pay you anythingIf you could end thisCan’t you just fix it for me?

Nicole Dollanganger’s Cute Aggression

‘Cause I’m gonna makeGonna makeGonna make you wishInstead of hate that you taughtThat you taught me kindnessI’m gonna makeGonna makeGonna make you hate

Emilie Autumn’s Let The Record Show

If I’m going downThen I’m going down goodI’m going downThen I’m going down cleanI’m going downThen I’m goingThe prettiest broken girl you’ve ever seen

Nicole Dollanganger’s Fleurs Captives (YES I LOVE NICOLE DOLLANGANGER GET OFF MY ASS)

They say open up the windowAnd stand in the sunshineBut you hide in the shadows‘Cause the light goes right through youYou’re a ghostYou’re a ghost, you’re a ghost, you’re a ghost of my mind

The Dresden Dolls’ Half Jack

I’m halfway home now, half hoping for a showdown‘Cause I’m not big enough to house this crowdIt might destroy me but I’d sacrifice my bodyIf it meant I’d get the Jack part out

AND one last pairing song for @a-muirehen‘s Seidala, because I’ve been thinking entirely too much about their battlefield courtship on Corellia, sleeping back-to-back in bombed-out buildings and sending love letters from sniper’s nests.

Lauren Aquilina’s Fools

Such good friends, it has to end, it always doesThat’s the way life isDo we take that risk?So it all boils down to this:We’ve got our aim, but we might missWe are too fragile just to guessWhat if we ruin it all?And we love like foolsAnd all we have, we lose

Hunter threatening her Sith, her Sith, and for the first time in her life Thirteen feels the deep, feral need to protect something that isn’t her own secret

[thysurveys]

867.

Have you ever started reading a book and wondered if you’d read it before? Yep. What has been bothering you a lot lately? Infertility. The pressure of finding a job. Finances.  What (or who) have you been missing lately? A few friends I rarely or don’t speak to anymore.  Are you trustworthy? Absolutely. Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? Pretty much. Do you have a rug on top of a carpet? Nope.

Have you ever hallucinated? I sort of have once when I was high. Which holiday is coming up next? Easter. Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Closed. Always closed. What flags do you have in your room, if any? None. Which literary character would you dress up as, if you had to choose one? I can’t think of anyone. Do you ever make typos? Yeah. Is your life often overwhelming? Yes. Do you wish you weren’t so alone? I’m not alone, but yes. I feel like I am lol. Does it feel like all the good things in your life are disappearing? Not entirely, no. I still have my family and Kevin and my furbaby. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? Bree, my sisters and Kevin. What is the worst decision you ever made? I have made many bad decisions. Do you miss college? I fucking hated it, so no. If you lived in a dorm, what was the name of your first Resident Director? Have you ever called a teacher “mom”? Yes, once. What was the name of your first imaginary friend? I can’t remember tbh. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Not anymore. What color was your nursery when you were a baby? Idr. I never had a “childhood” home. If you had a twin sister, what would she be named? Amy, Emily, Chantelle. Those were the names my mum loved at the time as well as my name I guess. What is your favorite arcade game? I don’t have any. Do you feel neglected? Yes. Hence why I have BPD. What is your favorite flavor of gum to chew? Peppermint or Mint. What school subject(s) are/were your best? Media. Are you allergic to grass? I was. Do you remember to water plants? Not always, no. I have a black thumb ok. What is your favorite fall drink? I don’t have any lol. Favorite winter drink? Hot Chocolate? Favorite spring drink? Lemonade or any soft drink really. Favorite summer drink? Same above. What season is your birthday in? Autumn. Name 3 creative people you know. Liam, myself (?), I can’t think of anyone else. Name 3 youtubers you aspire to be like. I don’t aspire to be any. I envy young YouTubers with kids though. Do you have a full-length mirror in your room? Nope. Do you still have any CDs? Somewhere around yeah. Have you ever made a record bowl? Nope. What color was your first car? Blue. What year did you graduate? 2012 from high school. 2016 from University. When was the last time you saw the person you currently have feelings for? Just before. Does anyone know who your current crush is? It’s more than a crush so yeah. Does your current crush know who he or she is? Yeah ^If not, why haven’t you told them? What do you wish you could ask a mom for advice on right now? Nothing. Do you have any regrets? Absolutely. Do you do a lot of research online? Every now and again yes. Have you ever been scammed? Probably. Do you have any gum in your room right now? Kevin may have somewhere. He always has gum. Are you allergic to pollen? I get hayfever if that’s what you’re asking. What style of wedding dress do you like best? Simple. Were you allowed to play with Pokemon cards? Yeah? I didn’t though Did your parents abuse you? No. Do you know anyone who was abused? Yes. Are you over your first love? Yes. Have you ever made any really stupid mistakes? Yes. Plenty of. Do you talk on the phone a lot? Nope. Would you rather call or text? Text. Do you always answer your phone? Rarely. It’s best to text me tbh. Do you feel loved? Sometimes lol. Who loves you? My family, Kevin? Which song describes your life? Idk When was the last time you went to a party? LONG time.  

[bloodymisanthropist]

Semi-Kuroshitsuji related ask

Feel free to answer any of them. Tag anybody/nobody.

I was tagged by no one.

Regarding Kuroshitsuji…

- How did you find/get into Kuro?

A girl who was in my choir class introduced me to the show and we watched the first episode on her phone. It hadn’t entirely captured my interest at first, until a year or so later one of my Facebook friends shared this amazing gif by madelizabeth; 

- What’s your fav/least fave arc or chapter? Why?

I’m not entirely sure what my least favourite chapter is - I have yet to finish the manga, although if I had to pick I suppose I’d say the Easter arc was my least favourite. The storyline just felt a bit forced for me. As of now, my favourite arc I would have to say is the Weston College arc - given the obvious inspiration from Harry Potter, the petty drama, and, seeing as I share the same sense of humour as a 12 year old, there are too many jokes to be made with the word ‘fag.’ And who doesn’t love Sebastian in a position of authority? 

- Favorite/least favorite characters?

I consider Ciel and Sebastian to be one unit - they are my 2 favourite characters.

My least favourite character would probably be Ronald - however, it doesn’t stem from a dislike of him, his character simply doesn’t interest me. However I am open to the possibility of his character evolving as the story progresses.

- Favorite piece of art created by Yana Toboso?

I honestly don’t know if I could pick one above all - however, this is one of my favourite pieces; 

- How do you think Kuro will end?

I honestly have no idea. I try not to entertain the possibilities too much, as I loathe the thought of having to see it end. I have an idea of how I’d like it to end, although I’m trying not to set myself up for disappointment. 

- Manga/anime/musical/etc. Which is your favorite?

I can’t say I’m informed enough to formulate an opinion, again, seeing as I have yet to catch up on the manga. However, as far as the latest adaptations of the Book of Circus/Murder/Atlantic arcs go I’d have to say I liked the anime better - simply because I find them more engaging and easier to follow.

- What would you love to see Kuro do a crossover with?

I had always wondered what it would be like if they were to do a crossover with Penny Dreadful.

- General thoughts/feelings about Kuroshitsuji.

I have endless amounts of respect for Yana Toboso. In my opinion, Kuroshitsuji is the most revolutionary story of all time. 

.

Regarding the fandom…

- How long have you been apart of the fandom?

Almost 3 years now.

- Has it been a worthwhile or regrettable experience? Why?

I wouldn’t trade it for the world - while it hasn’t all been perfect, and can be emotionally taxing at times, it helped to influence my own personal growth, and helps fill my days.

- Best experience so far?

All I can say is that it’s helped to bring my current friends and I together, and for that I’m grateful.

- Things you wish there was more of in the fandom?

Interesting - I’d have to say I wish there was more objectivity, and more of a tolerance to let people enjoy things so long as they aren’t hurting others.

- General thoughts/feelings about the fandom.

There are a few special gems hidden here and there, but only after filtering out so much bullshit.

.- What about Kuro inspires you the most?

To quote @t-stray​ , seeing as I couldn’t have said it better myself: “The aesthetic of transgression of established morality and status quo- Contemplating that a society and its morals are much more than black and white and go beyond what meets the eye.”

- Who are your OTPs/nOTPs? Other noteable pairings?

Sebaciel is my otp. I also support Grelliam and Grell/Ronald. I appreciate Ciel and Lizzy’s relationship, but only see them in a platonic light - anything more is a no from me. 

- What’s your favorite AU?

Again, it’s impossible to pick, but I would say this is up there; https://archiveofourown.org/works/6939424 

- Do you have an AU? Tell us about it!

No, although I would like to see a riveting Kuroshitsuji/Red Riding Hood adaptation. 

- Which character do you relate to most? Why?

I relate to Ciel the most. He doesn’t care about being “good,” he simply desires revenge and isn’t ashamed to admit it. He’s built a hard shell around himself as a result of his trauma, and is incredible at internalizing and compartmentalizing his emotions. He will go to the ends of the earth, and sometimes hurt those he cares about, in the process of working towards his goals. All of this I resonate with.

- What are you working on now?

I’ve been wanting to complete a passion project that has been in the works for a while now - I’d like to become confident enough in my editing to start a Kuroshitsuji-themed MEP-reminiscent music video channel.

- If you’re a digital artist, which programs do you use?

Paint Tool Sai and Photoshop.

.

More fun non-Kuro things….

- What’s the story behind your url?

I never want to be forgotten by the people in my life, past and present. Even if our relationship should have a bitter end, I want them to forever hold on to our memories. 

- Any pets? Pics pls?

My dog Mishka; 

My cats, Samhain and Isis (named after the Egyptian goddess, not a fucking terrorist organisation - I’ve been forced to make this clarification before);

And my cockatiel, Shanti;

- Favorite drink?

Hot chocolate and coffee.

- Music that defines you?

Industrial/trap/gothic music. I’ve been listening to a lot of Emilie Autumn lately.

- Piece of media that influenced/changed your life?

Kuroshitsuji and Life is Strange.

- What was the last thing to make you laugh?

One of Onision’s god-awful music videos. I won’t link it as he doesn’t deserve the free press.

- An image that could best depict your present self.

- A dream you had recently.

I had a dream that I was being interviewed to get into a prestigious high school by Cole Sprouse.

- List 3 things you love about yourself!

My inability to let shit go

My ambition 

My completionist and perfectionistic streak.

- What’s something you could talk about for hours?

My traumatic past and why I’m a nihilist. 

I tag whoever the hell feels like doing this.

[mattyslittleworld]

Snowbirds & Townies

1:42 am / Tick Tock Diner 34th & 8th Ave New York City. I don’t know what keeps bringing me back here. I was in Hoboken and grabbed my skateboard and hopped the path into the 9th street station in Manhattan. As soon as I got above ground it was snowing. Blizzard shit. I skated in the snow over to Union Square to see the punks but it was ghost. So from there I got lost in my headphones and skated all the way up 20 streets to 34th. The most free I’ve felt in awhile. I want to be so far from music. So far from anything and anybody I’ve ever known. It felt like I was a different person. Music isolates me, especially now, and it leaves me depressed and alone. During these dark lows I would stay at Bepa’s and talk to him in the kitchen over coffee and then hop the train to the ferry - into manhattan and get lost in a fake identity. Be whoever I want. Start over just for a little. But here I am, again. At the same diner that I lived above before I started touring heavy as a kid. Right before I took my first swing. The same closet sized room I’d leave late night and meet all my friends and just run wild in the city spray painting, skating, and terrorizing. But secretly deep down, hurting. Wanting something more. Edge of offing myself. Wanting companionship. Wanting love. Wanting to get the fuck out. Wanting everything I have now - and will have. I’m back here only difference is I worked with Cage. I sang for Shai Hulud, I’ve gained the respect and shared the stage with everyone I looked up to, I toured 14 countries, I worked with every top respectable rapper from the east coast, I’ve sold out shows, I released the album I wrote here, I did a song and video with Danny Clinch, I did a song with Jesse Malin, I played with HR from Bad Brains, ive played a sold out show at The Stone Pony (without an album), ive played a sold out show at The Bowery Ballroom, ive sang Clash songs with Brian Fallon and Craig from The Hold Steady  - I’ve done everything I ever wanted to do sitting in that room. I fell in love then out of love then back in love with my high school crush. I’ve been heart broken. Shooting the music video with Danny Clinch was intense for me. He’s become my bro and I’m mad grateful for his friendship, but damn was that wild. I was on a 3 day run. I hung out with a beautiful lady and passed out in my jeans after she stuffed my face with orange soda and candy and made me watch Ryan Gosling fuck a doll. I stayed up till like 5 am. Woke up in my clothes at like 7 am two hours later. Had the video shoot at noon and I was mad far from my house. Woke up shot up north with my Dunkin and picked up Rob. SOOOOO TIRED and sick from the soda and candy. Changed real quick and went to the studio where we shot the video. We set up the scene for 2 hours and got angles and then Danny got there and I’m tipping over tired and flustered from this pretty girl. We shot for a half hour then took a break and I was nodding off on the floor during the break. Came back and killed off the video by a piano. After that me and Rob were mind blown over this goal being accomplished. Gratitude isn’t even the word. Next day I get hit by Tsu Surf with a time and place for a session last minute so me and rob drop our shit and shoot over and bang out this hit song that’s got a summer vibe that I made off the influence of this pretty girl. He killed it. I’m an actual fan of him so it was mad cool we could get in the room together and knock this out. That was the first time ive ever collabed in a “Industry” setting where its all bout business - very corporate. I had to adjust to that environment and put a suit on. Times like those make you realize your love for music, your passion, and your “art” simply just don't matter. These managers and shit just don't give a fuck about your grandpa dying and the song you made out of it, or the girl you love and the song you made out of it - they're like yeah fuck yourself lets get money - and you have to jump in or jump out. I jumped in and learned my place. It’s wild to think of what he’s been through over the past few years. Getting out of prison for attempted murder then getting lit up 5 times, surviving, and then while you’re healing you make a tape and it goes up the charts to number 2 in a day, unsigned. Mad funny seeing local level bands desperate to get signed - they don't even know what that means now. My pleasure to work my man, I salute you with honor and respect. After that session I went home and took a week off, after non stop grinding for the past 2 years. The Danny Clinch video shoot right into the Tsu Surf session killed me off. In Surfs studio I couldn’t even keep my head up. I’m so burnt out. What am I searching for here at this diner? What is my soul lacking? What is my heart lacking? I spend many nights here alone, staring out this window drinking coffee. Missing Bepa. Missing people. Missing a certain time of my life when everything was free. But not in a I need to get a life and move on kind of way. It’s not pathetic. I have moved on. I did get a life. I did pretty damn good on my own. I got it from the mud. So why look back? It’s hard for me to mix my social personal life with people I know from music. They don’t know the memories I have, they don’t give a shit. They don’t know anything about me. They don’t want to find that liberating freedom that I am searching for when I come to this diner - that I had when I lived here. I still don't want to get drunk or high. I don't want to watch you get drunk. You could be sober and grinding with a clear head. I want to spend time with people like that. Gorilla promotion. Animalistic work ethic. The snow is coming down fierce and I gotta skate back to the path to go back to Hoboken, then drive all the way home. I won’t be home for awhile. Hopefully till the sun comes up. I want to be lost. I want to be gone. I want to be bliss. I want to walk into this pharmacy across the street again and get cherry coke 12ozs and just sit on my bed and watch blacklisted videos on YouTube. I want to go to pen station and grab a soda and a magazine and take the LIRR to a hardcore show and not get home till the next morning. Strung out after a night of fucking mayhem and laughing. Love, friends, and just fucking beauty. We can still be beautiful. After the money - you can still be whoever the fuck you want. Let’s be beautiful and reckless and never sleep. I love my life. I hate my life. I’m happy. I’m depressed. I want to live. I want to die. I am alive. I am dead. Now on the train back home, braved the blizzard. I noticed a void in how music has been touching me lately. Anything hip hop related seemed stale. Any Americana or folk seemed dead and expired. Rock n roll boring. Even heavy hardcore was horrible. I ended up in a wormhole of bands like Thursday and From Autumn To Ashes. Poison The Well, even weirdo shit like It Dies Today. Folly really hit me hard. I have specific memories to these records and they’re so beautiful and god damn I miss these people. Being in middle school and debating the differences between FATA and PTW. As I’m typing this I just got noticed on the path train for music and they complemented my shattered realm hoodie and I showed him I was listening to from first to last and he died laughing. He said he heard my career was “bumping” and I’m sitting here soaking wet freezing and hungry on a train in all black curled up in a ball around my skateboard. Emily by FFTL is the best song ever written. Even better than Bob Dylan. Fight me. 

[gothhabiba]

Opheliac - Emilie Autumn

BITCH!!!!!!!

idk how I’m supposed to chuse just three songs but I Know Where You Sleep, Liar, Thank God I’m Pretty, The Art of Suicide, and Misery Loves Company are definitely up there.

this is my favourite album of all time. I cannot possibly imagine that there will ever be a time in my life when this will not be my favourite album. I still remember the first time I ever listened to this album because it came up in my itunes recommendations. this album turned me goth. this album simultaneously made me depressed and cured my depression. this album got me through [redacted], I sang it to myself to count down time while I was [redacted], it was constantly in my head during [redacted], this thing structured my life for years. this thing impacts how I sing and compose today. I have never in my life been as obsessed with anything as I was with this album in high school. some of the songs on it have upwards of 100 plays & I have thousands of songs in my library so I can’t say that about any other album. this woman made me feel so at home in my flair for the dramatic, this woman was a godsend to me in talking about mental illness when no one else fucking would, and she did it with such confidence and humour. I’ll go weeks or months without listening to anything on it and then a song from it will come up on shuffle & I’ll be blown away all over again with just how GOOD this composition is, you can tell that such love went into it and that there are like 17 or more percussion tracks on every single song, music is OVER and everyone else can go home and I’m not sure why anyone else even really bothered to release an album after 2006

[opheliaccat]

Get-To-Know-Me Tag

Get-To-Know Me Tag

Tagged by: @wishfulunicorns bless thank you 

Nickname(s): Kat, Kitty, Mom

Gender: Female

Sign: Aquarius

Height: five foot seven

Time: I SHOULD BE GOING TO SLEEP

Favorite band(s):

One Eyed Doll, Muse, Shinedown, The Birthday Massacre, Metallica, Ninja Sex Party, Pendulum

Favorite solo artist(s):

Emilie Autumn, Kate Bush, Adam Lambert, Deco*27, Masa

Song stuck in my head: Over the course of writing this post, it moved from “Dinosaur Lazer Fight” by NSP to “The Rocket’s Tail” by Kate Bush

Last movie I saw: That I really sat down and watched?? Probably Fantastic Mr. Fox

Last show I watched: Absolutely Fabulous

When did I create my blog: Early high school? Shortly after deviantart kinda started falling off

What do I post: Memes, dragon age, anime, jthm/ SWANISH, shenanigans

Last thing I Googled: How to get Velanna’s sidequest lmao (RANDOM ENCOUNTER MY ASS)

Do I have any other blogs: Yep, my needs-to-be updated art blog @opheliaccat-draws , my zevistair blog @theirainai, my blog for reblogging nsfw (message me if you really want it? I geuss??) and cosplay ask blogs @ask-cosplay-sasha and @viktor-yuuri-irl

Do I get asks: Not usually so getting tagged makes me happy lmao

Why did I chose my URL: it’s a portmanteau of my favorite album, Opheliac, and my name, C(K)at. Opheliaccat with a K is taken on some platforms....so for the sake of continuity I just use the one with 2 c’s on all platforms. 

Following: 1, 513....but let’s be real, the majority of those are inactive and quite old, so I should probably do a cleanup soon.

Followed by: 251

Average hours of sleep: I prefer at least 8, but I try to get at least 5. Generally I clock in at around 7. 

Lucky number: 7

Instruments: I’m taking a drum class soon lmao

What I am wearing: Red skinny jeans, old ass doctor who shirt, comfy black fleece sweater, rainbow socks

Dream job: Concept Artist

Dream trip: Japan cause I’m fucking basic

Favorite food: Sushi because I continue to be basic. I also love going out for dim sum and getting all that shao mai.

Nationality: Eagle country

Favorite song: Uhhhhhhhhhh “Get out of My House”

Last book I read: Research books for my paper on the history of manga

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: Thedas, Hyrule, the Harry Potter wizard-verse

I’d like to tag: @noodle-is-gudle @beip @kabukistan @pawschan @capncrystal @lame-kid-on-couch @ladyyatexel @hatsune-miku-was-here @bellaerede @red-thorn

[callunavulgari]

Year-In-Fic

How many fics did you write this year? What was your total wordcount? 26 fics, which is a million times better than my nine from last year, so I’m counting it as a win! 59,441 words, so clearly all of those 1-2k fics added up.

Fic Roundup!

1. Piece From a Satyr Play | Star Wars | Reylo | 141 words

Her hair is done up in white ribbons, three enormously lopsided buns trailing down the back of her neck.

2. Wasted Early Sunday Morning | Star Wars | Reylo | 434 words

Her skin is smoother than his, smoother than many of the people that he’s touched in his life, and he aches to touch it now, watching her stretch lazily in the early morning sunlight, spine arching like a cats.

3. Cosmic Love | Stargate Atlantis | Mcshep | 786 words

There’s solid matter under the palm of his hand, a beating pulse, and a heart to go with it. A living person that Rodney thought that they’d lost.

4. can’t help but be wrong in the dark | The Flash | Barry/Julian | 2,942 words

The day that Allen had snarled an insult back in response to one of Julian’s cutting remarks, he’d gone home and fisted his cock furiously, thinking about the slant of Allen’s mouth and how it would look smeared with come. How Allen’s hair would feel, knotted in Julian’s fingers as he fucked his mouth.

5. eat flowers, breathe light | Stargate Atlantis | Mcshep |1585 words

John gives Rodney a dreamy smile, swaying slightly towards him, and says, “You have really beautiful eyes, you know that?”

6. Bifurcation Theory | Teen Wolf | Stiles/Derek/Lydia | 7208 words

Lydia sucks in another shaky breath, trying to think of a polite way to explain that she’s sorry, that this was a mistake, and she didn’t mean to bother him. Just as she’s opening her mouth, Derek sighs gustily, the sound breaking apart with static in her ear. “What’s Stiles done now?” he asks, his tone resigned.

7. Ain’t At Home (Home’s Where I’m Going) | Horizon Zero Dawn | Aloy/Everyone |  6857 words

“Not all comforts are bad,” Vala whispers, and Aloy shudders apart.

8. love, can’t protect you now | Stargate Atlantis | Mcshep | 1635 words

“When they come,” Rodney tells him quietly, “I won’t kill you.”

9. Say You’ll Be There | The Flash | Barry/Iris, Barry/Thawne | 1159 words

Barry swallows, fingers tangling with hers, and says, “Storms make me think of him.”

10. it’s warm, this skin i’m living in | SGA | Rodney/John | 1,170 words

When he is thirty-seven years old, John Sheppard thinks about the universe.

11. it’s good to be in love, it really does suit you | KH | Sora/Riku/Kairi | 1,694 words

“We’ve done dangerous before.” Sora shrugs. “Getting a mortgage was dangerous, but we did it anyway.”

12. a hazy shade of winter | Stranger Things | Steve/Nancy/Jonathan | 1,863 words

In November, they build a tree house.

13. can’t deny your appetite | SGA | Mcshep | 4,031 words

John finds out that there’s a vampire in Atlantis the day after they’ve stepped through the gate.

He finds out that the vampire in question is Rodney McKay four weeks later, when they’re all hunkered down in the yawning shadow of some crumbling ruins and Rodney looks at him, his eyes eerily bright in the darkness, sees the blood on John’s face, and says, “Oh.”

14. caught off guard by you | FFXV | Prompto/Noctis | 1,671 words  

“I just got you back,” Prompto says quietly, words muffled into the curve of Noctis’s neck.

15. take me to church | Teen Wolf | Sterek |3,129 words  

Derek scoffs. “You want to take me back to Quantico.”

16. how to be eaten by a woman | Star Wars | Reylo | 1,350 words

“So why don’t you do it?” he asks, breathless. His chest is heaving, his mouth open, gasping for breath.

“Do what?” Rey asks, and thinks about biting his mouth.

The corners of his lips tick upwards. Kylo squints at her, half-smiling. “That.”

17. move the stars for no one | SGA/Labyrinth | Mcshep | 3,049 words

“You have no power over me,” Rodney whispers, just to see the way that the Goblin King’s eyes narrow - how he steps closer, until his narrow hips are pressed up against the footboard.

He slouches in towards Rodney, sways toward him, his clever eyes hooded, and smiles like he’s won something. Asks, “You sure about that?”

18. is this love? | SW | Reylo | 4,013 words

“It’s okay,” her brother tells her on their wedding night, lowering himself to sit on the floor beside her, until his nose is level with her shaking knees. When he smiles, he looks like a monster. “You don’t have to love me.”

Then he goes to sleep on the couch, taking only a threadbare pillow from their marriage bed.

19. rise again | SGA/SW/Dishonored | Rey, Emily, and John Sheppard | 952 words

“You’re Emily Kaldwin.” A pause. “You are, aren’t you?”

Emily blows out a loud sigh, giving him an annoyed look, as if he’s to blame for the fact that she’s the most recognizable face in all the Isles. “Might be.”

“Huh,” the girl says, and takes a seat right there on the floor. “I’m Rey.”

20. i hope you’ll be happy, miss tara joan | SGA | Rodney/John, original child character | 360 words

They turn off John’s life support on a Thursday.

21. blue lips, blue veins | Voltron | Keith & Allura | 655 words

“I am not,” he says stubbornly, “kissing you awake.”

22. jewel of the south | Dishonored/Star Wars | Corvo & Rey | 686 words

The girl watches him warily, hunkered down in a nest of blankets in the corner. She’s a squatter, that much is obvious from her thin, patched clothing and the general disrepair of the apartment that Corvo’s found himself in. He blinks around, eyes lighting on a sofa, a desk, a couple rat-gnawed shoes.

“You’re bleeding all over my floor,” she says flatly, her eyes heavy on him.

“I’m bleeding all over your balcony,” he corrects, and wavers hard enough that his other leg gives out from under him. “And I’m mostly sure that it isn’t yours.”

23. when the autumn moon is bright | SGA | Mcshep | 2,881 words

There weren’t, strictly speaking, supposed to be wolves in Atlantis.

24. hard and heavy, dirty and mean | Stranger Things | Steve/Billy | 2,846 words

“Remember,” he whispers in Steve’s ear, his breath hot. “You wanted this.”

25. I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus | SGA | Mcshep | 3,855 words

Rodney can’t see much about the man inside of the Santa costume from where he’s standing, the wig and beard hides what the suit doesn’t, but there’s something in his mannerisms that makes Rodney feel a spark of familiarity. He swallows and is still trying to puzzle it out when the Santa finishes with the little girl and turns their way.

John Sheppard looks back out at Rodney from behind a fuzzy white Santa beard, his eyes widening almost imperceptibly as they shift from Rodney to Charlie and then back again.

Jesus - fucking - Christ.

26.  The Yawning Grave | Star Wars | Gen, Possible Reylo | 2,489 words | WIP

does the skywalker choose the path, or the path the skywalker? [or: the sabriel au that no one asked for]

Best story I wrote this year: take me to church, hands down. Coming back to Sterek, after two years away felt like coming home. Stepping back into Stiles and Derek’s world, into their feelings for each other, was an amazing experience. I miss them, and I love them still, and the story that I gave myself the chance to write was dreamy and quiet, and just so entirely conveys the feel that I wanted to achieve this year.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest. Probably a toss up between  is this love?,  take me to church, and move the stars for no one. Those were the fics that I felt most at home in, the ones that came easily and quietly, like stepping into a comfy robe.

Okay, NOW your most popular story. hard and heavy, dirty and mean comes in first at 992 kudos, 12,356 hits, and 228 bookmarks. I had the good fortune of posting it right after Stranger Things 2 came out, so it got nearly as much traffic as the fic that I wrote last year for the Stranger Things fandom. It is entirely filthy locker room porn between Steve and the latest asshole to be introduced to the high school, and basically exactly the itch that I needed scratched after watching the season. Story of mine most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I’m, um. Maybe a little bit put out that I published the first chapter of  The Yawning Grave, and it’s only gotten seven kudos. I mean, it’s a prologue, and I made it abundantly clear that I wasn’t sure when the next three chapters would be out, but it was still a little bit of a downer, considering how long I’ve been fretting about the fic itself.

Most fun story to write: jewel of the south was super fun to write, but I tend to have fun with all of my crossover prompts. Imagining Rey in the Dishonored universe (twice!) was great fun, and I would totally do it again. I’m going to pretend that this isn’t tickling the portion of my brain that wants to write a Reylo AU where Rey is the street orphan in Karnaca that Empress Ben Organa runs into when he’s on the run. Don’t think that way, Heather.

Story that could have been better? I think that all of my fics could be better in certain ways, and the day that I don’t feel that way I’ll have gotten too conceited to live. I think the one that bugs me the most is one that I haven’t even published yet. Because I hit a snag with the plot and can’t decide if I feel like going back and changing everything or if there’s a handy work around. If we aren’t counting this one, caught off guard by you was the Prompto/Noctis tragic love story that was supposed to be two or three times as large as it is now, and also feature tent sex.

Story I wrote to fix things: take me to church and Bifurcation Theory. The first I wrote because I received a prompt regarding Derek and Stiles around the time that the first episode of the last season aired. I didn’t watch it, but I did see the scene where Stiles does a literal spit-take upon seeing a shirtless Derek on screen in his FBI class. My brain basically went, ‘huh, they’re gonna fuck it up’ and so I just went for it. As far as I’m concerned, it’s canon.

The second I wrote after I’d reluctantly let myself watch season 6. 6A? Whatever. I was pretty intrigued by the idea of Stiles being taken and forgotten, and I don’t mind Stydia, so I watched it and Bifurcation Theory is basically what I wanted to happen.

Longest completed fic this year: Bifurcation Theory, at 7k. So, you know. Not particularly long at all.

Fandom you enjoyed writing for most this year: I actually had a lot of fun dipping my toes into the Stargate Atlantis fandom this year. The people are all really great, and I wish that I’d been around for the old days. Alas, I was up to my eyeballs in anime and Kingdom Hearts.

Favorite character you wrote this year: Toss up between Lydia and Rodney. I like both of their brains, for - weirdly - a lot of the same reasons. Lydia in Bifurcation Theory felt comfortable. A lot of the fic itself is full of tropes that I love. Angst, road trips, little food places that are entirely based off of cafes that I frequent, two people having sex because they’re pining after a third. And Lydia herself is strong and soft and just. I really like writing girls, and Lydia is one of my favorites.

Rodney is just easy.

Most memorable comment this year: Basically every comment that I got on take me to church? Some people welcomed me back to the fandom, others made comments on exactly what I wanted them to feel about the fic - slow, sleepy, and according to one reviewer, tired, but hopeful. I wanted them to be able to feel the atmosphere of the fic above all else, from the quiet echo of the church to that southern sun shower to the shitty apartment. I even had someone comment on the little town in North Carolina that I used as the setting, so all of them were a delight.

Also, I feel the need to say that @popkin16 has some of the best comments and every time I publish a Mcshep fic I eagerly wait in the hopes of a comment from her. They make me really happy.

Fics you wanted to write but didn’t:

Okay, but I’ve written so little compared to what I’ve wanted to. The Sabriel AU is definitely at the top of this list, though I’m hoping to fix that soon. I have the SGA fic where John is a wraith, the SGA fic where John is dead and Rodney is raising his kid, the Enjolras/Grantaire fic, the roadtrip/beach fic that never got written because I couldn’t figure out if I wanted it to be Voltron, Kingdom Hearts, or SGA, the long ass Dishonored fic that spans all three games and basically centers around the idea that the Outsider, Corvo, and Emily come together as the most dysfunctional family ever, the prompt-fics that I started but never finished, the Beetlejuice AU, the girl Cisco AU, the bodyswapping Reylo fic... and those are just ones that I liked enough to jot a sentence or two down somewhere.

Oddest story: Probably move the stars for no one. I mean... it is a fic where John Sheppard is the goblin king. Though   I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus was a little crackier than I usually get. Hardest story to do: Hah, my answer to this question last year was the Sabriel AU. That... is still at least slightly true, though the wraith John AU has been a pain in my ass and isn’t even out yet. Of those that I did actually publish this year, caught off guard by you which gave me so much trouble that I eventually just published it as is. Fortunately, a lot of the fic that I wrote this year were little things that niggled their way into my brain, so they came naturally. I didn’t do any challenges or secret santas or big bangs, so I didn’t have to force myself to write anything. Easiest story to write? Again, a lot of them sort of wrote themselves since they came out of my brain mostly formed already. can’t deny your appetite was probably one of the easiest, as were all of the ones that I’ve already mentioned on here. take me to church was pretty high up there.

Most mining of your own history in one story: take me to church and Bifurcation Theory, probably. For the first one, I spent a lot of time in chuches as a kid, a lot of time in cars, and well, the entirety of my childhood in the south. Stiles’ apartment is also completely based off of my last apartment. Well. The building anyway. I had two other roommates and a lot more furniture in my actual apartment, but the layout is all the same.

The vegan cafe that Lydia and Derek stop at is based off of Cornerstone Cafe in Columbus, right down to the probably-gay teal haired kid and the pretty college girl who checks out Lydia. I’m pretty sure there are other bits I’ve borrowed, but that’s the one that stands out.

Oh! Also, it’s good to be in love, it really does suit you. There’s... a whole lot of domestic mumbo jumbo in that. Also, weed smoking on what is an exact replica of my back porch. Actually, scratch that, upon rereading this I realize that it is also an exact replica of my house, minus the weird clock. The table holding Riku’s moon flowers holds my bougainvillea and a couple of my coffee plants in real life. Mickey-the-cat is not mine, but he is based off of BMO, who is. Looking back on it, I’m actually 100% sure that what inspired this entire fic was coming home from work and watching the fireflies with Nick on our back deck. We have a really dense knot of trees surrounding our backyard, and the fireflies are NUTS in the summer. It’s really gorgeous back there.

Themes, or absence thereof: Atmosphere. Feeling-the-fic. Slow, quiet love and burn-you-up passion. Where did you publish/archive your stories? Ao3, as per usual. Story I haven’t yet written, but intend to: Sigh. Fingers crossed that I’ll get the Sabriel AU out at least. Though this question has reminded me that I wanted to finish the Carmilla AU as well.

Sexiest moment (excerpt): “Did he ever fuck you?”

“Yes,” Derek gasps, a ragged catch to his voice. Her smile grows and then carefully, she crawls off of him, leaving him blinking at her blankly.

“Good,” she whispers, and hitches her knee invitingly. “So you can fuck me how he fucked you.”

He blinks at her and for a moment she thinks that she may have broken him, but then he’s surging into motion, pinning her to the bed, and sliding home in one smooth movement. She gasps, head thrown back against the pillows, and wraps her legs around his waist. They hold like that, both trembling, sweat on their skin and the smell of sex heavy in the air. His lips hover over hers, so close that if either of them moved even an inch they would drag together, his breath hot against her lips. His eyes dart down to her lips before they jerk back up to her eyes.

“Does that mean I should kiss you how he kissed me?” Derek asks, his voice wrecked, and she whimpers, high and desperate.

“Yes,” she breathes, wetting her lips. “Please.”

(or)

“Who else has been touching you like that, Harrington?” Billy whispers, his lips catching on the curve of Steve’s ear. He licks his lips, tongue flicking out like a snake, like he’s tasting Steve. Like he wants to eat him. “Was it your daddy?”

Steve’s heart is pounding, adrenaline singing in his veins. He’s let this go on too long, has all but given Billy the advantage here - Steve's let himself be backed up against the shower, the handle digging into his lower back.

With a sigh, Steve finally opens his eyes and looks at him.

Billy is standing too close, fully clothed and soaked to the bone, his own hair damp from the spray. The only thing he seems to have thought to take off is his jean jacket, which has been flung thoughtlessly at the benches behind them. His shirt is near translucent against his chest. When he sees Steve looking, he grins, touching the purpling bruise that hasn’t quite faded from Steve’s lower lip.

“Now this one I remember giving you,” he remarks, pressing in closer, until his head is under the spray too, tilted towards Steve.

Steve’s breath hitches and he tries to backpedal, going up on his tiptoes when he finds that there’s no more ground to give. The handle digs painfully into his lower back, but he can’t be bothered to care. He gasps as the hand cups his jaw, Billy’s fingers lingering over another bruise before they begin to skitter down the column of his throat.

Billy grins at him and leans down, pressing a strangely gentle kiss to a fist-shaped bruise at the base of his throat.

“You wear them well,” he whispers, lips slick against Steve’s skin.

Crackiest moment (excerpt): “Dinner should be ready around then,” he says with a shrug, and realizes with an abrupt, sinking sensation that Charlie is going to think that he’s inviting Santa Claus to dinner with them. “I’m uh, shit, here.”

His cheeks go ruddy with embarrassment as he rummages through his bag and comes up with an uncapped green pen and a pad of crinkled yellow paper. He quickly scrawls their address across it before tearing it off the pad and shoving it John’s way. Jesus fucking Christ, the entire food court just watched him set up a date with Santa.

“I, um,” Rodney says, becoming increasingly aware of the surge of noise coming from the disgruntled soccer moms waiting in line. He cringes, dragging Charlie down a few steps. “I’ll just see you later. Maybe.”

He trips on the rug once he reaches the landing, but catches himself on a reindeer before he can go sprawling into the nearby fountain. His face is on fire, but when he looks back up, John Sheppard is smiling down at him, fond and horribly, achingly familiar.

Favorite dialogue (excerpt): “Come on,” Stiles says, pushing to his feet. He turns once he’s up and grabs Derek’s hand, yanking him upright before Derek can think to protest. “I’ve got a place.”

Derek looks at him, his nose wrinkling dubiously. “You have a place in Murfreesboro?”

Stiles raises an eyebrow back, refusing to give ground. “I have a place in Virginia. It’s like, a three hour drive, tops. Less if I speed.”

Derek scoffs. “You want to take me back to Quantico.”

“I’m an intern, Derek. Pretty sure they’re not going to go looking for you under my mattress. Come on,” he coaxes, jostling Derek with his elbow. “You know how this works, we’ve done it before. Safest place to be is right under their nose.”

“This is a little bigger than hiding in the closet every once in awhile so your father doesn’t notice that you're harboring a fugitive, Stiles,” Derek tells him. He shuffles backwards, but Stiles follows him, always a little too close. When Stiles refuses to look chastised Derek reaches out and grabs hold of his wrist, stopping him at arm’s length. He swallows. “We aren’t talking about you getting kicked out of your program if they find me. You’ll go to prison.”

Stiles watches him, his eyes dark. Knowing. He takes a pointed step forward, always pushing, and turns his wrist in Derek’s grip. He’s still watching as he threads their fingers together carefully, his palm a dry rasp against Derek’s.

“I know,” he whispers, and leans in to press their mouths together.

(or)

“You have no power over me,” Rodney whispers, just to see the way that the Goblin King’s eyes narrow - how he steps closer, until his narrow hips are pressed up against the footboard. He reaches out, curling long, elegant fingers around the cold metal rungs between them, and though he hisses out low through his teeth when he finds the sting of iron waiting for him, he does not look away.

John is a looming figure in the shadows, a slash of moonlight thrown across his face illuminating the smirk that sits there. He slouches in towards Rodney, sways toward him, his clever eyes hooded, and smiles like he’s won something. Asks, “You sure about that?”

“No,” Rodney admits and pushes himself up. The cracked saucer is in John’s hand, empty. Rodney licks his lips. “Not at all.”

“I love you,” he offers quietly. It’s the only secret he has left.

John cocks his head, letting go of the bars and coming around the side of the bed. He is human enough, save the glint of gold in his collar and the slight sharpness of his teeth. He smells real, and absurdly, Rodney wants to dance with him.

“Nothing is freely given,” John says, but it sounds like a question. There isn’t an apology in his eyes, but Rodney hadn’t expected there to be one. The empty saucer in his hand was proof enough.

Rodney shrugs. “Your rules, not mine.”

Favorite lines (excerpt): It’s raining when they leave the church, a warm downpour that leaves everything smelling of green things and wet earth. The sun is still shining, giving the parking lot a strange, otherworldly air. Stiles squints out into the glare, mashing the button on his key fob until an anonymous black sedan honks back at them, the tail lights flashing red.

Stiles bounds across the parking lot, holding a hand over his head to ward off the rain. A hint of ankle winks back at Derek as he scrambles gracelessly into the driver’s seat. Derek follows at a more sedate pace, swinging by the car that he’d bought for a couple hundred bucks from a local hick’s junkyard. He grabs his bag from the back and the picture of Laura that he’s got pinned under the visor, but leaves the rest to rot in the parking lot. Someone will find it eventually.

When he climbs into the passenger seat he’s uncomfortably damp, but can’t bring himself to be troubled over it. He feels lighter than he has in months. Maybe years.

“What happened to the jeep?” Derek asks, dragging a careless hand across the unfamiliar dashboard. The jeep had reeked of Stiles, of junk food and sweat and a little like the cheap cherry-scented pine tree he had looped over the rear-view mirror. This car still smells new, fake leather and plastic, with the faintest undercurrent of boy.

“Left it with Scott,” Stiles says easily, sliding the key home and turning the ignition. It doesn’t even fight him for it. “It wouldn’t have made the trip.”

That was true enough. Derek watches the parking lot disappear from view, relaxing into his seat more and more as the minutes pass. Derek is tired. It's been days since he's felt safe enough to catch more than a few hours of sleep in his shitty car, head propped uncomfortably against the window. Here, with Stiles next to him, Derek’s body is finally beginning to cave in to the need for sleep.

He makes himself stay awake for awhile, long enough for Stiles to flick the radio over to some generic top 40’s station. He keeps it quiet, occasionally mouthing along to the words, but never once getting loud enough to be offensive. The third time that Derek jerks himself out of a light doze, Stiles turns to him incredulously and says, “For god’s sake, just go to sleep. I knew what I was signing up for when I saw those bags under your eyes.”

(or)

The first time that Rey sees her brother practice the art, she is being fitted for her wedding dress.

He is not strictly speaking supposed to be in the room with them, but none of the servants have quite worked out how to tell him to leave, and Rey doesn’t care one way or another herself. From her understanding, seeing the bride before the wedding makes for a bad match. It brings misfortune on the future household. Bad crops. Dead cattle. Some tales even say that it leads to an empty womb.

Let them be unlucky, Rey thinks with a sniff.

Her brother is reading, half-reclined on the settee to the left of the door, his leg crossed at the knee. It’s been well over an hour since he’s moved to do anything more strenuous than turn a page. Whatever lies within the book's pages has captivated him thoroughly, his mouth having gone ever so slightly slack as he mouths words to himself, black eyes intent.

The sun is beginning to set, the room growing long with shadows around them.

Rey is watching him when her brother flicks his wrist lazily, still absorbed in his book, and calls a ribbon of scarlet flame to the palm of his hand. It winds itself lovingly between his fingers, circling around and around his wrists, like some lazy beast.

Startled, Rey’s breath catches in her chest. Blinking, her brother looks up, catching her eye over the flame, the red glow casting him in a devilish light.

He cocks his head, and she wonders at his expression, the curiosity there as he unravels the flame outward, letting it find the wicks of the fat, ivory candles on the desk next to him. He quirks an eyebrow at her.

The room is still half in darkness, the last of the fading sunlight leaving them.

Rey licks her lips and steels her expression, flexing her fingers nervously before she raises her hands and cups them together. She doesn’t look away from him as she calls on her oldest friend, the familiar blue flame licking first over her knuckles and wrists, teasing, before it settles between her palms. She lights the rest of the room like that, and doesn’t pay any attention to the way the seamstress is fretting about Rey scorching the sleeves.

Her brother’s eyes are dark and intent on her, his book forgotten.

(or)

Rodney’s mark started out small, elegant slashes of color splashed across the meatiest part of his bicep. At the time, Rodney was six years old and didn’t much care for the idea of soulmates. There were cooler things than a bunch of blue paint on his arm, like black holes and the crowded, complicated mess of wiring inside his dad’s alarm clock. He’s going on nine when his mark changes, the familiar blues and greens and whites of sea and foam now a backdrop for the gleaming ferris wheel laid over top the waves, black lines on cool colors. He stares at it, lips pursed, and can’t for the life of him decide if he actually likes the new addition. When he’s thirteen the dark silhouette of a sleek, dangerous looking airplane is added to the mess. The plane itself is larger than the waves, larger than the ferris wheel, so long that the tip of it’s pointed nose touches the inside of his elbow. He grimaces at it, touching the curve of its broad back with one finger. It takes an hour of hunting through books at the library before he recognizes the shape of the SR-71 “Blackbird.” By the time Rodney’s fifteen, two more things have been added - a horse made out of shadows and edges, indistinct black smoke licking up the insides of his forearms and the mandelbrot set that sits neatly underneath it, an expanse of beautiful lines and inky dark that go clear down to his wrist. At fifteen years old, Rodney is significantly more interested in his soulmate than he was when he was six years old. He’s moved to America and is the top of his class at one of the most prestigious colleges in North America. He doesn’t like the majority of his peers and is beginning to realize that it’s entirely possible that he just doesn’t like people in general. He’s prickly, bad-tempered, and his ego has swelled to be the size of a small city. Whoever his soulmate is, she apparently likes the ocean, ferris wheels, planes, horses, and math. Rodney, who enjoys exactly one of those things, doesn’t have very high hopes.

Fic goals: I’m going to carefully not say anything about finishing the Sabriel AU, because that way lies madness. Instead I will say that in 2018 I would like to a) write something novel-length, b) write something original, and c) focus more on original characters. ....Additional goal: write over 60k.