#I forgot to text him on his birthday this year. he doesn’t remember mine so I think it’s fine

[okcoolthanks]

Someone kill me before I start wanting to text my childhood friend

[fangirlovestuff]

Never Too Late - Chris Evans x reader

a/n- hey lovely people!! i hope you’re all doing well:) i’ve been working on this one for a while, and i’m super excited to finally share it! because it’s Chris’ birthday, i wanted to have some fun with this, so in the story, chris says 3 things that are quotes / paraphrases of some of his characters’ quotes (like 3 things his characters said in movies lol). see if you can find all 3 of them;) enjoy<3

Summary: Romance is an illusion. Unattainable. Absolutely unrealistic. No one can have a fairytale love story. But maybe, you don't need a fairytale. You just need each other. (In which you and Chris have each given up on romance, but then you meet, and… sparks fly.)

Word Count: 9.6k (hello longest oneshot i’ve ever written!!)

Warnings: some curse words, (responsible) alcohol consumption, slight angst?? honestly it’s just obliviousness, slow burn!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

This was a waste of time.

I'm sorry, the text read, something came up. Raincheck? ;)

Douche. He was the one that asked if you could do this today instead of tomorrow, so you moved your meeting. But apparently, that didn't matter, since he wasn't planning to show up anyway.

You blocked his number, leaving your place at the bar and heading towards the exit. You were in the middle of typing out a furious message to your friend who set you up on this blind date, when you collided with someone in your path quite harshly. You rubbed your arm where you bumped into the person and gazed upwards to meet his eyes.  

"Sorry," you both said in unison.

The man let out a chuckle. "Sorry," he repeated, his amused eyes gazing into yours.

"No, I'm the one who should apologize," you said, "I wasn't looking where I was going," you lifted up your phone, gesturing to the reason.

"I'm sure it was important," he made a dismissive gesture with his hand, "don't worry about it."

"It really wasn't. Again, sorry," you grimaced.

"It's fine," he reassured you, "I was actually on my way to get another drink so it's not like I spilled anything, no harm done," he smiled.

"Well, I'm really glad. Have a good rest of your night," you smiled back. Thinking that was the end of it, you turned to continue your walk towards the exit, opening your texts to write that message to your friend, but as you were turning around the man reached out and grabbed onto your wrist, not harshly but enough to make you turn around to face him once more.

He immediately let go of your hand, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Sorry, I don't mean to intrude, it's just… you seemed kind of upset when I bumped into you, are you alright?"

You sighed, shaking your head with a smile, "I'm fine," you looked up at him, "just got ditched by this blind date. Guy didn't show, so I was writing a furious message to my friend who set me up," you chuckled, "that's why I wasn't paying attention."

"Sorry," he said with a sympathetic grimace. "So why were you writing to your friend and not to the guy? I mean, he's the one who bailed."

"No offense, but I learned not to expect as much from the male species," you smirked, and he chuckled in return. "Got bailed on one too many times to have high expectations. Honestly, I was only willing to go on this date cause my friend said this was a great guy and, according to her, I was 'on the sure road to becoming a spinster'. So, I appeased her," you shrugged. Your confession left your lips with such ease, you were almost taken aback by how easy it was to talk to this complete stranger this openly. Maybe, it was easier because you were strangers.

"Ah, I know what that's like. I mean, not the spinster part, the part about appeasing your friends," he chuckled. "They're over there," he gestured to a table a little to the back, "to 'cheer me up'. Said I needed to leave my house more. Although I don't know if they're still sober enough to remember that's why they're here," he smiled affectionately as he looked at his table. Sure enough, the guys looked pretty drunk, but the man didn't seem to resent them for it, he was just amused.

"What did you need cheering up for?" you asked once his gaze went back to meet yours.

"Well, I got dumped. We were together for a few years. I even had a ring," he raised his eyebrows, "but she said it wasn't working out anymore. At least she didn't know about the ring yet," he smiled bitterly.

"Small victories," you nodded sympathetically.

"Yeah," he chuckled, "anyway, she just finished taking the last of her stuff from ou- my place. She was really lingering with it, we broke up like a month ago. Didn't have the heart to rush her."

"I'm sorry," you put a comforting hand on his shoulder, albeit a bit awkwardly. He seemed to appreciate it anyway. "Your sob story's way worse than mine," you joked, getting a small huff of laughter out of him.

"I guess," he said. "But that means I get where you're coming from on the whole no dating thing. It just seems pointless," he shrugged.

"I'm sure this is the part where anyone else would've told you that it'll be okay and you'll find 'your person', but since I'm shittier than that I'll be honest – romance is dead and we'll both probably die alone," you said flatly.

Your blunt tone made him smile, which in turn made you smile, and you nodded as your words sank into the silence between you. You started giggling, and soon he followed, and you were both laughing softly for a while.

"I'm sorry," he said, still grinning, "I don't know why I'm laughing. It's sad."

"Very sad," you agreed, a grin on your face as well. "to be fair, spinsterhood doesn't sound that bad. Except for the cats thing. I'll never be a crazy cat lady," you shook your head, "they hate me, every single one. I'd get dogs though," you mused, "have a little army of 'em."

"Sounds fun," he smiled.

"Right?" you smiled back, "I'm telling you, it's not as bad as people make it out to be."

Wrapped up in your conversation, you were both still standing next to the bar, and another man pushed past you to get to the bartender. The bubble around the two of you exploded, and you remembered that you were still in public, at the bar.

"You should go get that drink you were here for," you said, gesturing towards the bar.

"Alright," he chuckled. Just then, the man finished ordering, so he told the bartender what he'd like to have, then turned to you.

"Hey, romance might be dead, but chivalry isn't. Let me buy you a drink," he grinned.

"Be still my beating heart," you feigned emotion, before a smile crept back onto your face. "I'll have whatever you're having," you shrugged, and waited as he told the bartender to bring you two another drink.  

"So, if you're buying me a drink, I feel like it's only fair I should know your name," you smiled.

"That does seem fair," he sent a small smile your way. "I'm Chris," he put out his hand and you shook it, telling him your name in return.

"So, you come here often?" he smirked, prompting the both of you into another fit of laughter.

"For real though," you said once you got your drinks, "I'm really not looking for anything romantic right now. I hope that's okay."

"Of course," he reassured, "I'm not either."

"Okay good cause this is like, really tasty, so I wouldn't mind having a couple more," you held up the drink he got you with a grin, making him laugh.

You did have a couple more, with Chris. You ended up sitting at the bar, his friends not really noticing he was gone, and talking about anything and everything. You were almost reluctant to end the night, but you really should get home, which is what you told Chris before getting up and getting your wallet.

"Hey, no," he said and gestured for you to put it away, "I was serious, I'll pay."

"Really? I mean, this wasn't a date so I just thought-"

He shook his head adamantly and you put your hands up in surrender and smiled. "Okay. Thank you," you told him as you put your wallet away.

"You're very welcome. Although, there is something I still want to ask you. Can I get your number?"

You opened your mouth to protest, but before you could he spoke up again.

"Nothing romantic, I swear," he chuckled, "but it was really fun hanging out tonight. We should do it again. Completely platonically." He smiled sincerely.

You narrowed your eyes in mock suspicion before laughing. "Alright. Sure, you can have my number," you said, and he grinned before giving you his phone. You put in your number and gave it back.

"See you around, Chris," you smiled before leaving the bar, the smile lingering on your face all the way back to your house.

And when your friends asked you how the date was, you told them he bailed and you went home, never mentioning meeting Chris. You knew how they'd see it, and it wasn't like that, so you just… kept it to yourself. For now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

On your way to Chris' house, you picked up the takeout from the place he told you about, before texting him you got it and you were almost there.

It's been a couple of weeks since you met him, and so far he was proving to be a great friend. You texted back and forth most days, but never found the time to meet up again, until today, that is.

You had texted him about your crappy day at work, and how happy you were this week was finally, finally over, so he invited you t his house, and suggested you watch a movie. And well, you accepted. A movie night with a friend was just what you needed to put this shitty week behind you.

"Hi," you greeted him once he opened the door.

"Hi!" he took the takeout bags from your hands and gestured for you to follow him inside, and into the kitchen. "So," he started, while taking out the food, "I realized forgot to tell you; I have a dog," he smiled apologetically, "I don't know if that's a problem, he's in my room upstairs, I won't-"

"Are you kidding?" you nearly squealed, "of course that's not a problem! I told you if I could I'd be a crazy dog lady," you giggled. "Can I meet him?"

"Great!" he chuckled at your enthusiasm, "sure, I'll go get him."

As he went upstairs, you stood there, looking around his kitchen. You weren't sure what to do, it seemed like he got all the food, and it wasn't your house, so… you just stood there.

Fortunately, you soon heard the patter of footsteps, and just as you were about to call out to Chris to ask him if there was anything you could do to help, you heard him yell out.

"Dodger!"

And just then, a big whirl of movement came towards you, and before you knew it a large dog was resting his paws on you, nearly knocking you back. You regained your footing before you crouched down to your knees with a beam.

"Hey," you cooed at the excited dog, who was wagging his tail and still trying to climb onto you, apparently. "Hey," you repeated yourself, rubbing behind his ears affectionately. "It's so nice to meet you," you kept cooing and stroking his fur. He propped himself up and licked your cheek, making you giggle. "Thank you, you're so cute," you scratched his neck affectionately.

"Sorry about him, he gets excited around new people," Chris came into the kitchen apologizing.

"No worries," you grinned as the large dog laid down on his back, exposing his stomach to you in a silent request for belly rubs which you willingly provided. "He's adorable," you looked up at Chris, who was grinning back at you.

"He really is," he agreed, going to finish putting the food in plates before lifting them.

"Can I help with anything?" you asked, still crouched down and petting Dodger.

"Nope, all set," he smiled, "let's go."

He led the way to his living room, where he set the plates down on the coffee table and picked up the remote. "So, what do you wanna watch?"

"Oh, I don't know," you shrugged as you sat down on the couch, "you can pick."

"Well, I would, but we're here because you've had a shitty week, so you should pick whatever you want."

"Ugh, don't remind me. See, Dodger would never do this to me," you turned your gaze to the dog, who has settled at your feet, and started petting him again. "Right? Of course you won't, you're the cutest dog," you cooed.

Chris burst out into a short laugh. "Are you going to steal my dog?"

"It's a very real possibility," you said dryly, shrugging. You turned your gaze to him, your hand still petting Dodger, and smirked.

"Okay, so are you gonna pick a movie now that we've settled that?" he asked, smiling.

"I don't know what to pick," you admitted, "I don't wanna put on anything you don't like, I guess," you mumbled.

"Awwwww, it's fine," he assured with an easy smile, "pick whatever."

You caved and put on a movie you really liked – The Princess Bride. As he realized what movie you were putting on, Chris chuckled.

"Really? That's what you're going with?"

"See? I told you I'd put on something you wouldn't like. Forget it, we can just-"

"No, no!" he cut you off, "I really like this movie," he grinned, "I just wouldn't expect that from someone who claims romance is dead, that's all," he chuckled.

"Well, movies have… dragons in them. Do you think dragons are real just cause they're in movies?" you reasoned.

"Okay, I see your point," he raised his hands in mock surrender.

A comfortable silence stretched over the both of you from that point, the only thing filling it was the sound of the movie playing and the occasional shuffling sound when either of you, or Dodger, shifted on the couch.

A bit later, Chris spoke up. "Hey, want a beer?"

"Uh, I probably shouldn't have any. Driving myself home and all," you shrugged.

"Yeah, that's smart," he chuckled. You were both lowering your voices, as if not to disrupt the movie which was still playing. "Mind if I have one?"

"Not at all," you answered truthfully, "It's your house."

He let out another short chuckle, nodding before getting up. When he heard Chris getting up, Dodger lifted his head from where he was laying, and swiftly followed him into the kitchen.

When they returned, Chris brought you a glass of water, and gave it to you before sitting down. Dodger jumped back up onto the sofa, curling up beside Chris, laying his head on his stretched-out legs.

"Awwww," you softly smiled, "that's adorable. He really loves you."

"Not nearly as much as I love him," Chris replied, smiling and fondly rubbing Dodger's head.

"See, that's good love. Love that lasts," you remarked. Thinking that was the end of it, you turned your head back to the movie.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Huh?" you turned your head back to Chris.

"What did you mean by that?" he repeated.

"Oh, nothing," you shook your head. "Just, you know. I know I seem very opposed to romance, but I'm not against love. I love my family," you shrugged, "because they made me the person I am today. They're a part of me. I just don't think that a love between two people who aren't family can last in the same way."

"Yeah. You're probably right. What about dogs though? They're certainly not blood related to us," he joked.

"Certainly," you laughed, "But dogs aren’t as fucked up as humans, so it's not really comparable. Dogs don’t stay up thinking about something embarrassing they did five years ago. Dogs probably don't even get embarrassed, really. They don't have as many doubts and… restrictions. Barriers. They don't have to make everything complicated."

"But humans do."

"Bingo," you chuckled dryly.

"We really do, don't we?" he sighed. "No one really knows what they're doing or who they are. How can you know someone else enough to truly love them when you don't even know yourself?"

"Exactly. You get it," you toasted your glass of water against his beer bottle. "it's too much effort for something that lasts so little."

"Not necessarily little," he suggested, "but never enough. You know, in movies, love is this big force of nature that draws two people towards each other so strongly… it's undeniable, unavoidable. Meant to be," he chuckled. "That feels so far away from anything I've ever experienced."

"Me too, if that's any comfort," you grimaced sympathetically. "Maybe we're just meant to be alone."

"Maybe. Anyway, that's grim," he chuckled, shaking his head. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine," you smiled. "Every time I talk about it with my friends, I get told I just haven't found the right person yet, and to keep on hoping and everything will magically be sunshine and rainbows," you fluttered your eyelashes cynically. "It's fun to know there's at least one more realistic person out there," you sent him a small smile, which he returned.

You both turned back to watch the movie, which was heading towards the end at this point. The handsome prince saves the brave princess. He's not really a prince, but, you know. Same difference; it's a fairytale, a legend.

Something no one can ever truly have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

Chris and you had developed a habit of calling each other on Mondays, since they were the worst, and you both needed to vent. You were in the middle of one of those calls when something he said made you abruptly stop making your dinner.

"How come I didn't know it was your birthday?" you asked, surprised, at his admission that his birthday was yesterday.  

"It never came up," he said. "Besides, it doesn't matter. The party's on Friday anyways, if you wanna come. You can bring some friends too, if you want. There's plenty of space."

"Yeah, okay," you smiled to yourself, "sure. Happy belated birthday, Chris."

"Thank you," he chuckled. "So you'll come?"

"Yeah, I'll be there, I guess," you sighed dramatically, prompting him to laugh.

"Great! See ya Friday," he said.

"See you."

After you hung up the call, you returned to your dinner, but not before texting your friends to invite them along. If you were getting on so nicely with Chris, you assumed the rest of his friends were nice people, so would in turn get along with your friends. Who were also nice people, obviously.

Or maybe, not so obviously.

There was an immediate flood of messages asking about who Chris is and how you met and if he's cute.

You ignored them in favor of finishing making your dinner, and only then sat down with your food and answered their questions, except for that last one.

He's a friend of mine I met not long ago, nice guy, you replied to the group chat.

And?? one of your friends texted.

And he invited me to this party he's throwing for his birthday, and told me I could bring friends, so now I'm inviting you guys. Hopefully, I won't regret that.

But is he cute???

I don't know, and I don't care. You know I'm not looking for anything right now!!

You're no fun. Fine, we'll come and see for ourselves ;P

You scoffed to yourself and continued to eat your dinner, unbothered. Maybe they should come, you mused, just to see that it's possible to make friends without dating them, like a sane adult.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Happy birthday!" you exclaimed as Chris ushered you and your friends into his house. "I brought you a wine," you extended the bottle and he took it.

"Thank you!" he said loudly, to overpower the music that was playing. "Is it good?"

"How should I know? I didn't drink from it, it's your gift!" you joked. He laughed before giving you a one-armed hug and waving at your friends. "I'm gonna put this away," he pointed towards the kitchen, "But you should go to the living room, everyone's there."

You gave him a thumbs up and led your friends towards the living room.

"He even laughs at your bad jokes," your friend cooed in your ear, and you sighed and rolled your eyes.

"We're not a couple!" you reminded her.

"Maybe not yet, but I'm just saying you'd make a good one," she shrugged, a twinkle in her eye.

You ignored her, and continued walking. On your way to the living room, you did see a whole bunch of other people, but still, the party wasn't huge, especially compared to Chris' large house. There were no more than probably about 80 people there, not including yourself and your friends.

Pouring yourself a drink, you sat down next to your friends, who were already making small talk with another group, and joined the conversation.

Some time went by before the conversation turned to romance, and everyone started sharing funny stories about their significant others.

"What about you?" asked a woman from the other group. She seemed friendly, an easygoing smile on her face. "Everyone has a story to tell."

Before you could answer, one of your friends chimed in. "Oh, she doesn't do romance," she teased.

"Sounds mysterious," the woman laughed.

"Yep," you smiled, amused, "that's me. Dark, brooding, and mysterious."

As you were all laughing, Chris came down to sit next to you. "Having a good time?" he asked the group with a smile, a model host.

"Yeah," one of your friends answered, "we were just talking about how this one never dates anymore," she pointed at you, and you caught Chris' look, amused. "What do you think about that?" your friends asked, oblivious to the silent exchange.

"I think she should do whatever she wants to," he answered with a smile.

"Oh, don’t be diplomatic," she said, "don't you think she should find someone?" she pressed.

"I think she should do whatever she feels like," he persisted.

"Whatever," your friend rolled her eyes with a smile. "Every pot has a lid. Sooner or later, you'll find yours," she said, your words pointed at you now.

You were quiet for a brief moment before speaking up. "Oh, you're done talking about me like I'm not here. Sorry, you were saying?"

The entire group burst into laughter, and you caught Chris' gaze again.

Sorry, you mouthed, shrugging.

It's fine, he mouthed back with a small smile.

The urge to kill your friend subsided when you saw Chris didn't take her pestering too seriously.

For the rest of the night, you proceeded to have a good time, making conversation with a few other people and only running into Chris one more time.

"Enjoying yourself?" he asked, toasting his cup to yours.

"Yeah. You throw a great party," you smiled.

"I'm glad you think that," he returned your smile.

After that you returned to your friends, and a little while later you all decided to head home. You searched for Chris, thanked him for hosting the party and wished him a happy birthday, and went home.

"You're telling me there's nothing there?" your friend asked you on the ride home.

"There's nothing there," you sighed. "I don't know why you all want there to be."

"We just know what it's like being in love. And we want that for you. It's fun," she smiled.

"Parkour also sounds fun, that doesn't mean I can or am going to do it," you retorted. "You know what I think about being in love. Different people have different paths and abilities. I can be happy without a sweeping romance."

"I know, you're a strong independent woman and you don’t need no man," she rolled her eyes. "Just… don't close yourself off to the opportunity. That's all I'm saying."

"Okay," you shrugged.

Shortly after, she dropped you off, and you went to sleep, thinking nothing of the whole ordeal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She came by today.

When you got the text from Chris on Wednesday, you were puzzled for a few moments before you realized. His former fiancée. I mean, almost fiancée.

Shit

Is everything okay?

It only took him a couple of seconds to reply.

Yeah, I guess.

On an obviously unrelated note, wanna come drink?

You chuckled before texting him your ETA, quickly changing from the already rumpled clothes you had worn all day, and driving to his place.

You texted him when you were outside, and when you walked up to his door it was already opened, and he was waiting for you, a bottle of beer in hand.

"Aw, you drove yourself here?" he asked, before ushering you in, "I told you we should drink."

"Yeah," you chuckled, "but it's not like there's anyone I can ask to drive me on a random Wednesday. It's fine, you drink."

"But I don't wanna drink alone," he whined. "Can't you just spend the night then? I have a guest bedroom."

You opened your mouth to refuse, but then assessed it again. You were in pretty comfortable clothes, you were starting work a little later than usual tomorrow, and well… he needed a friend, and he asked you.

"Okay, fine," you chuckled, "gimmie one of those," you gestured at his beer.

He made a little celebratory motion with his hand before going and getting you another beer.

"So," you started as you took a swig of your beer, "how was your day?"

He let out a short, bitter laugh. "Great. Yeah, just… just great," he took a large gulp of his beer. You waited, giving him the space he needed to speak again. "She wanted to get back together, actually," he scoffed. You frowned, but still refrained from speaking.

"You know, I… I still have the ring," his voice broke and he cleared his throat. "I still have the ring because I wanted her to come back. But when she finally did I… I couldn't say yes to her. Because it's forever or nothing. And I don't think I'm meant to have a forever. Certainly not with someone who broke up with me anyways," he took another sip of his beer.

"If it's any comfort, I don't think there's such a thing as forever," you shrugged, and he looked at you quizzically. "I told you," you said, "all romance is momentary."

"Maybe that's true," he sighed again. "At any rate, I am now stuck with this ring, which is just… fantastic. Really awesome."

"Can't you bring it back to the shop?"

"Tried to. They won't take it back, say it's been too long for their return policy. That money's lost," he took another sip of beer.

"Well, you know, if it's lost anyways…" you smiled, "I think I have an idea of what to do with it. but first," you raised your beer in a toast, "we do need to be a little drunker for this."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few too many drinks later, you and Chris were stumbling in a park near his home.

"How do you know where we are?" he asked, before nearly tripping on his face, making you giggle as he managed to catch himself on a nearby tree.

"I've been here before," you explained, a little less drunk than he was but still positively buzzed. "It's really pretty."

"It is," he agreed, taking in the trees around you as you kept going. "It's also very isolated. Are you going to kill me?" he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

"No," your loud laugh rang through the park, breaking the silence of the night. "I'm not gonna kill you. Promise. Now c'mon, we're nearly there!" you beckoned him to follow you as you ran forward.

The rest of the way went by quickly, the both of you striding hurriedly, or as hurriedly as your inebriated minds would allow, engulfed in the comforting silence of the night. Finally, you got to a clearing with a large lake.

The crescent moon reflected in the water, and the lake was shimmering slightly as the wind disturbed it. The only sounds were those of your slightly labored breath, the soft trickling of the water, and the occasional flap of a bird's wings. The silence surrounded you, but it wasn't suffocating, it was as clear as the water in front of you.

It was finally broken when Chris spoke up again.

"You got me drunk so you could drown me in a lake?"

You burst into another fit of laughter. "First of all," you said in between giggles, "if anyone got anyone drunk it's you convincing me to drun- drink."

It was his turn to laugh at your mix-up. "Shut up," you said, slapping his arm lightly. "Now c'mon. You have the ring, right?"

"Yep," he said, fishing it out of his pocket. "But why did you want me to bring it?"

"Well, the fact I'm not gonna drown you in the lake doesn't mean we're not drowning anything."

"My ex-fiancée?" his mouth dropped open into an o shape.

"No!" you facepalmed. "The ring. You're gonna throw the ring in the river!"

"I am?"

"God, I'm starting to think I got you too drunk," you rolled your eyes. "Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna think about your relationship. You're gonna reminisce about everything, good and bad, and you're gonna put it in this ring. In your head, of course," you added before he could chime in.

"So I can let go," he nodded in understanding.

"Exactly," you smiled. "We don't need romance. Fuck romance. Fuck forever. You're better than that!"

"Amen!" he said, toasting an invisible glass in the air, making you laugh once more. It was probably the alcohol, but you hadn't laughed like this in a while. It was fun to laugh loudly, freeing. You wondered why you didn't do it more often.

"Alright!" you clapped your hands once, shaking from your thoughts. "Let's get this show on the road!"

You both stepped closer to the lake, and then Chris held out his hand in front of him, his palm open with the ring on it. He stared at it intently for a few moments, then his gaze snapped up to meet yours and he nodded shortly. You didn't speak, you just reached out and closed his fingers around the ring, before stepping aside and gesturing for him to go ahead. He stared at his fist for another moment before taking a swing and throwing the ring as far as he could. You held your breath until you heard the sound of the ring hitting the water, which made you release a breath full of awe.

"You did it," you said softly.

"I did it," he slowly repeated. "I did it!" he yelled out and you laughed in surprise. "I did it!" he yelled again, and in a few short strides he was next to you, picking you up and spinning you around in celebration.

"Put me down!" you shouted at him between fits of laughter, "Lunatic!"

He put you down, grinning widely. "I can't believe I just threw that ring into the lake. That was so stupid."

"It kinda was," you laughed, breathless.

"It was your idea!"

"I know! It's still stupid," you kept laughing, nearly doubling over. "Felt good though, didn’t it?"

"It really did," he let out a bewildered laugh. "Fuck. It really did," he said, and started laughing, which made you start laughing again, and before you knew it you were both laying on the grass, laughing until your cheeks hurt.

"My cheeks hurt," you pouted.

"Awww, I'm sorry," he drawled, reaching out to pinch your cheek, making you swat his hand away, glaring at him. He just giggled again, laying on his back and looking up to the sky.

You laid back as well, staring up.

"I wish I knew something about the stars," he said out of the blue.

"What do you wanna know?"

"Oh, just anything. I don't know jack shit about 'em."

"Well, I'm pretty sure that's Orion's Belt," you said, pointing up to a group of three stars. "So now you know that about the stars."

He said your name, making you turn your head to look at him. "You're a good friend," he smiled.

"You're a good friend too," you smiled back at him.

"No, I'm not. All I ever do is moan about my stupid ex."

"I'm sure she wasn't stupid," you reasoned.

"She was! She was stupid with two o's," he mumbled in disdain. You giggled at his words. "I'm not hung up on her," he continued. "I'm just… disillusioned. I thought she was the one. And now that she's gone… I don't know if there's gonna be a one. Which is sad. So I've been sad," he said matter-of-factly.

"I was sad too when I started thinking that," you whispered, sobering up a little. "But we don’t need 'a one', Chris. Romance is dead, but life goes on. We're on our own, but that doesn't mean we can't make the best of it."

"I spent so much of my life looking forward to spending the rest of my life with someone. And now that I realize that might not be the case… I guess I just realized that this is it. The rest of my life. I needed to throw that ring to make peace with that."

"Glad I could help," you gave him a half-smile, taking his hand in yours and giving it a small squeeze.

"Yeah," he returned a squeeze of his own, "me too."

"C'mon," you said, leaving his hand and getting up, before helping him to his feet as well. "We should get going."

You stumbled your way home, leaning on each other for some parts of the way. Sleepy and still a little buzzed, you finally got to his house, and he led you to the guest bedroom.

"Goodnight," he said, smiling.

"Goodnight," you whispered back, before he turned and walked up the stairs. You listened to him climb, and heard the sound of another set of footsteps, soft cooing coming from upstairs, and then heard the sound of a door closing.

Dodger, you thought with a smile, before closing your own door and plopping down on the bed.

In the last minutes of your wakefulness, you thought about how lucky dogs were.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, are you dating him?"

"No!" you said indignantly, "have you listened to a single word I said?"

"Oh, so you're just not putting a label on it? you're a little too old for those games if you ask me, but suit yourself," your friend shrugged.

"Come on! He's just a friend," you huffed.

"If that's what you wanna tell yourself," she smirked, but then her look became more sincere. "Look, I know you. I know that every time we talk about him, you're happy. Why can't you admit that you like him?"

"I do like him, as a person! I like all of my friends!"

"You're impossible," she rolled her eyes with an affectionate smile.

"You're impossible," you retorted weakly before smiling at her.

"You know we all just want you to be happy, right? That's all we want."

"I know," you said softly, "and I appreciate it. I really do. But I am happy, on my own."

"If that's the case, then I'm happy for you," she sighed. "I don't want you to feel like a third wheel, especially with Sarah's wedding coming up. You're the last of us who hasn't tied the knot yet."

"I'll be fine at Sarah's wedding," you rolled your eyes.

"I know, I know," she raised her hands in surrender, "But I'm just saying, I know you're anti-romance, but I also know you're not anti-company. Maybe you should bring Chris. As your friend, if you insist" she added when she saw you open your mouth to object. "Just, you know, everyone's coming with someone, and I don't want you to sit alone."

"I appreciate you looking out for me, I do, but seriously, I think you're underestimating my social skills. You do realize I can talk to people I don't know, right?"

"I know," she huffed. "Just… consider it, okay? For me?"

"I'll think about it, I guess," you shrugged.

You had no intention of following through on that. Except, well, it did come up when you were talking to Chris.

"What are you doing Friday?" he asked, his voice mechanical through the phone. "I thought we could finally see that movie you're always talking about."

"Nope, can't do Friday," you said, the phone pressed between your shoulder and your ear as you were folding your laundry.

"Aw, that's a shame. I was really looking forward to you finally shutting up about it," he teased, making you chuckle. "What're you doing Friday then?"

"First of all, if you'd listen to me and see it, you wouldn't wanna shut up about it either, because it's awesome. Second, I'm going to a friend's wedding. I'm gonna sit aside, drink some wine, and make fun of all the drunk couples."

"Sounds like a real fun night," he teased.

"Yeah," you said sarcastically. "I am really happy for her though. I know she wanted it for a long time," you said, sincere now.

"Hey, um, if you want, maybe I could come laugh at drunk couples with you? So you'll have some company," he offered.

"Oh, you don't have to," you dismissed it, "I know it sounds like a bummer, but really, I'll be fine."

"No, really. No one should have to sit alone at weddings," he said.

"Another friend of mine told me that as well."

"Well then, this friend of yours is smart. Believe me, as a veteran of many sit-alone weddings myself, I can confirm it's indeed a huge bummer."

"Fine," you chuckled, "I guess if you want to come so badly you may," you said, making him laugh.

"Great, text me the details?"

"Yep," you smiled. "Talk to you later?"

"Sure, bye!"

You hung up the phone to get up and start putting all your clothes into the closet. After you were done with that, you sent Sarah a text to let her know you will be bringing a plus one at the end, asking her if that'd be okay.

Is it Chris????

Yeah

Then it's fine!! :)))

You chuckled to yourself and kept putting away your clothes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~      

The night of the wedding, as a close friend of the bride's, you arrived at the venue a couple of hours beforehand, along with all of your friends. Chris came some time after guests started to arrive, and it didn't take you long to spot him in the crowds, looking a bit lost. You excused yourself quickly from the conversation you were in with some of the groom's friends and went to greet him.

"Hey!" you waved as you walked towards him, "Chris!"

Grinning when he saw you, he also began moving towards you, until you finally met in the middle.

"I'm glad you could make it," you smiled.

"I am too," he said, "seems like a nice wedding."

"Yeah. C'mon, you're just in time. They're gonna start the ceremony soon," you explained as you grabbed his arm and started leading him towards your seats.

"Oh-kay," he chuckled as you dragged him forward with surprising determination.

As you took your seats, you waved at your friends, and they freaked out over Chris being there, but you paid no mind to them, as Chris was leaning towards you, whispering, "You know, for someone who doesn't seem to enjoy romance, you sure do seem excited about this wedding."

"Well, I'm happy for Sarah. I've learned that me and my friends have a different outlook on that, and that's fine, it's useless to argue about it or whatever. I'm just happy she's gonna have what she wanted, even if I don't really believe in it."

"So how does that work? If you don't think romance is real and bring joy then how come you're happy your friend has it?"

"Chris, if one of my friends told me they found a way to adopt a unicorn, I'd be happy for them, no questions asked. Everyone should do what they feel like," you shrugged. "Now shhhh, they should be starting every minute now."

The ceremony was a beautiful one, and Sarah looked gorgeous in her white dress. As she walked down the aisle with a beaming smile, Chris' words echoed in your mind.

If you don't think romance is real and bring joy then how come you're happy your friend has it?

Despite your quick answer, you didn’t really know. The short answer was the one you told Chris, but the long one…

For the longest time, you believed romance just wasn't durable. Wasn't real. But maybe you just didn't believe that you can have that kind of romance? You just never really had someone to challenge your perception like that, because no one ever took it seriously, they just told you you'd find your person.

But that wasn't something you wanted to think about now, so you filled it away for later.

"It was a beautiful ceremony."

You and Chris were a little far out from the dancing crowd, somewhere a little quieter, but you could still see the dance floor from the bench you had found.

"Yeah, it was," you agreed with him.

"Not beautiful enough to make you cry, I guess?" he teased.

"Ha ha. I don't cry at weddings."

"I could've guessed that," he chuckled. "So what do you usually do at weddings? I mean, all your friends are married, so I'm assuming you've been to quite a few."

"What I'm doing right now. Sitting aside and drinking," you raised your glass in mock salute before taking a generous sip.

"Solid plan," he nodded slightly. "So you've never like, danced at weddings or anything?"

"No," you frowned, shaking your head slightly, "Why would I? I'm not a dancer, really.

"Well, how 'bout we go and change that?"

"Excuse me now?"

"I'm just saying, if you're really happy for your friend, maybe you should show her that. Enjoy yourself."

"I am enjoying myself," you deadpanned.

"Do what people are meant to do at weddings," he rolled his eyes.

"I thought you were here to silently judge everyone with me. Don't make me regret inviting you," you jokingly waved your finger at him as if you were telling him off.

"That's still the plan. We could just probably still do that on the dance floor," he shrugged. "Your call."

There was a short-lived silence before you sighed. "Fine. One dance," you warned.

Getting up, he offered his arm to you, which you took, and you made your way o the dance floor. You started dancing to the end of the upbeat song that was playing, but just then it changed into something a little slower, and people were pairing up.

"This is the money time," Chris winked, and offered you his hand. You took it, almost instinctively, and you started dancing to the song, his other hand on your waist while yours was on his shoulder.

"What do you mean money time?" you whispered.

"Okay. We're gonna turn around, and you're gonna look at the couple that's gonna be behind me," he said, turning the both of you around casually as you danced.

"Oh my god," you suppressed your laughter. "That's… I don't even know what to say. Are they even a couple or is he her da- oh nope, he just kissed her on the lips. God," you grimaced as Chris laughed at your expression. "I at least hope he's rich for her sake."

You both chuckled, and it was only a couple of moments later that you gasped with a smile. "Don't be obvious cause they're pretty close, but look at the couple to my right."

"Oh shit," he chuckled. "Remind me not to go to any secluded corner of this wedding. These two are probably this close to running off to do things I definitely wouldn't wanna see."

"Right?" you said, amused, "They're practically eye fucking. Have some decency!"

You both laughed again, and then Chris nodded his head subtly in another direction. "Look at those two."

They were a couple that wasn't dancing, they were sitting at a table close to the dancefloor, their foreheads touching, seemingly murmuring to each other.

"Betcha they're the kind of couple who does the whole 'no you hang up!' thing," Chris continued with an amused grin.

"Oh they so are!" you burst into laughter. "They probably share a single spaghetti from both ends."

"Lady and the Tramp style," you both said at the same time, prompting you to tear your eyes from the couple and look at each other, giggling.

You continued dancing through the next song, and the next one, and the one after that. For pretty much the rest of the night, you two danced together, continuing to invent silly stories about the people you saw, laughing at each other's cheesy anecdotes.

When it was getting late and the party was winding down, Chris offered you a ride home, since he hasn't drunk, and you gratefully accepted. You came here with your friends, and they were all probably staying longer, but you were getting a little sleepy, so you decided to call it a night.

"Let's just go say goodbye to Sarah," you said and he nodded, letting you lead the way.

"Hey, I'm getting pretty tired, so we're gonna leave. Congratulations," you smiled once you had gotten to the table the happy couple was sitting at. As Chris was shaking the husband's hand, you had bent down to wrap your arms around Sarah in a tight hug.

"So you admit you're a 'we' now? You and Chris?" she teased, whispering in your ear.

"We're not," you rolled your eyes.

"Whatever you say," she smiled knowingly. "Thank you for coming," she said louder once you let go of her.

"It was a pleasure, congratulations," Chris smiled at the both of them, and you all gave your goodbyes.

On the way back, you were already lulling into sleep in the passenger's seat, and Chris smiled to himself.

"Chris," you mumbled from your half-asleep state.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For coming with me today. You're right. Dancing with you is better than sitting alone."

"Wow, what a compliment," he drawled sarcastically.

"Yeah, don't let it get to your head buddy," you chuckled, before shifting around in your seat so your head was leaning on the window. "Can you wake me up when we get there?"

"Sure," he smiled, "Sweet dreams."

"Thanks," you yawned.

When you got to your house, Chris gently nudged your shoulder a few times to wake you up. You woke up, confused for a second, but quickly regained your composure and thanked him for the ride.

You went into the house, barely changing out of your dress before plopping down on the bed.

It was kind of weird, honestly. Usually, no matter how tired you were, you wouldn't manage to fall asleep in a car, or a plane. Even a bed that wasn't yours was sometimes harder to sleep in.

But you were in your own bed now, so you didn't have a lot of time to mull that over before you sunk into a deep sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

"Hey," Chris greeted over the phone one Monday.

"Hi! How's it going?" you smiled.

"Fine. I mean, actually, do you wanna come over?"

"Right now?" you frowned.

"I mean, why not? Have the Monday chat in person."

"Um, sure. Yeah, I'll be over in a bit," you said. Hanging up, you didn't think too much of his invitation. He sounded fine, and he said he was. He was probably just being nice.

Soon enough you were knocking at his front door. It opened to reveal a very excited Dodger pouncing on you, and you giggled as you crouched down to pet him. "Yeah, hi Dodger! How's the cutest boy doing?"

"Ouch," Chris joked from the doorstep.

"Hello to you too, I guess," you said dryly, but with a grin on your face.

You all went inside, and Dodger went straight to his bed, curling up. "Your knock woke him up," Chris explained, smiling at the sight.

"Oh, sorry," you gave him a small smile.

"It's fine. As you can see, he has no problem going right back to sleep," he chuckled.

"Yeah," you giggled. "Is everything okay? I mean, is there a reason you wanted me to come except to enjoy my magnificent presence?" you teased.

"Well, that was mostly it," he laughed, "but actually, I did want to talk to you about something. Wanna go outside?"

"Um, sure," you said, frowning slightly before forcing yourself to smile again.

You stepped outside into his garden, sitting in the big lawn chairs.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" you asked, turning your head to look at him.

"That's Orion's Belt, right?" he evaded, pointing at a group of stars in the night sky.

"I'm pretty sure it is," you shrugged.

For a moment, you were both quiet.

"I've changed my mind," Chris started. "This isn't the rest of my life. It's just my life."

"Okay," you said, not getting where he was going with this.

"You know, all these cheesy couples we made fun of at Sarah's wedding? I think they have it right."

"How come?"

"They realized that romance isn't about forever. It's about right here, right now. It’s in the little things. I've been so opposed to romance lately, and I was constantly thinking about how I wouldn't have a forever, so much so that I forgot what's going on now."

"And what's that?" you asked softly.

"Something much simpler than that. Happiness."

You stared at each other in silence, a slight frown still on your face.

"You make me happy," Chris admitted in a soft voice. "You make me really happy. And I don't want to lose your friendship, but I have to ask you this, because otherwise I don't think I'd forgive myself. Do you really not believe in romance? At all?"

"I don't know," you whispered. Clearing your throat, you continued a bit louder. "I don't believe in everyone's version of it. The happily ever after, forever. I don't need anyone to complete me either."

"There's always a middle road. Maybe not everyone has someone, and we don’t need romance, but that doesn't mean we're not allowed to want it. We shouldn't have to sit alone at weddings," he said sincerely. After a breath, he continued. "I'm not asking you for forever. I don't want to. But I want to ask you for now. And I don't think I'd complete you, just like you don't complete me. But you do make my life a whole lot better."

"Chris, you know I'm not looking for anything, I told you that when we met," you said weakly.

"I know. I also wasn't looking for anything. And yet I found… something. And I'd be a coward not to pursue it. We can make our own kind of romance; not a happily ever after, but a happy here and now. No big cheesy gestures, or unreasonable promises, just… being together. And that means I can't promise you it'll work, that it'll be perfect. Hell, it'll probably be messy, and hard, and mundane, at times, but that's how life is. But I can promise I'll try. And even if it doesn't work out, I'm willing to regret you for the rest of my life."

You thought back to every romantic relationship you've had. Every date you've been on. A lot of them were disappointing, but some of them were good.

None of them made you as happy as being with Chris did. Not one of your actual dates managed to top just hanging out with Chris. You didn't know why, but you felt safe with him, like you can be entirely yourself. You felt happy.

You didn't want to risk that. You didn't want to lose that. But what if taking this one risk would make it all that much better? You thought back to all of your friends, how happy they were with their significant other, how in love. What if putting your heart out on the line, for the first time in a long while, would make you happier than you had ever imagined?

Of course, it could also make you devastated. It could crush you. But that's the risk, isn't it?

There isn't any other person you'd rather take that leap with, you realized. In the few months you knew Chris, he already managed to become one of your favorite people in the entire world. You trusted him, cared about him, more than you'd let yourself realize up until now. And like he said, not exploring that would make you a coward. And you're not.

You took a deep breath. Chris gave you the time you needed, simply looking at you softly.

"I haven't dated anyone in a while. I might be rusty," you chuckled finally.

"I'm willing to take those odds," he smiled. "Is that a yes?"

"Yes," you nodded, a grin slowly making its way onto your face. "If there's anyone I would do this with, it's you," you admitted softly.

He grinned, getting up from his chair and extending his hand out to you, and you accepted. Gently, he pulled you up on your feet, using his momentum to bring you to stand closer to him and wrapping his other arm around your waist. Slowly, you two inched closer, until, finally, his lips were on yours.

There weren't fireworks, or butterflies. There was just this moment, right here, right now. No doubts, or hesitations, it was peaceful. It felt right.

This moment was all you could ever ask for. All you'd ever need.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You look so beautiful in the mornings," Chris murmured, burrowing his head into the crook of your neck.

"You too. Happy birthday," You whispered back, weaving your fingers into the hairs on the nape of his neck. He hummed in response, and you giggled, feeling it tickling your neck.

You laid there for a while more, just basking in each other's company. But when you looked at the clock, you started nudging Chris away from you. "We should get up," you said softly, "We have a party to prepare for."

"The party's not until the evening," he whined, "Stay in bed," he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you towards him.

You ended up leaving the bed at noon, eating a big lunch before tidying up for the party. A few minutes later, you slipped away, to set up your surprise.

"Hey Chris?" you called from the other room, "Can you just come over here for a second?"

"Coming!"

He entered to find you and Dodger in matching little party hats, and you were holding one out for him too.

"Wow!" he burst into laughter, putting the party hat on his head. "What's all this for?"

"I thought we should celebrate a little before the guests arrive," you shrugged. "And, you know, Dodger looks so cute in that little hat."

"He does," Chris cooed. "How did you manage to put it on him? He would never let me put anything."

"Well, he just likes me more," you smirked. Chris scoffed amusedly. "Okay fine," you rolled your eyes, "I may have bribed him with a treat."

Dodger's ears perked up at the word and you both laughed at the suddenly interested dog.

"I shouldn't have said that," you giggled.

"Probably," he agreed. "Thank you," you put his arm on the small of your back, nudging you closer to his side.

"You're welcome. Happy birthday," you smiled, tilting your head up to press a soft kiss to his lips. He cupped your cheek in his hand, deepening the kiss, but before it could get any further Dodger was barking and putting his front paws on the both of you.

"Yeah, yeah, don't get jealous. We love you too," you and Chris laughed, petting his head affectionately.

Honestly that day was a perfectly normal day for you and Chris. Being in love for the two of you didn't mean big highs and lows. You had your moments, but most of the time, it was just this peaceful bliss.

Later that night, the party was already in full swing. You and Chris separated from each other at some point, but you were making the rounds, so you knew sooner or later you'd meet up again.

In the small crowd, it was easy to spot your friends, sitting with the same group they did last year. You smiled to yourself, going up and greeting everyone warmly.

"How's everyone doing?" you asked, sitting down for a moment.

There was a chorus of "fine"s and "good"s before the conversation continued. You joined in, talking to your friends and catching up with the other group.

"Hey," Chris' voice was suddenly next to you. He came up and wrapped his arms around you from behind, talking softly next to your ear. "I'm gonna get myself another beer. You want anything as well?"

"Um, yeah. Can you bring me one too?"

"Sure," he smiled.

You tilted your head so you could reach and kiss his cheek, "Thanks."

As he walked away, you turned your attention back to the rest of the group, only to find them all looking at you with knowing grins.

"I thought you didn't do romance," said the woman you had spoken to last year, a teasing smile on her face.

"I didn't. I guess I changed my mind," you smiled softly, watching Chris’ back as he dissappeared into the kitchen.

Maybe romance wasn’t so bad after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

did you catch the three references? tell me:)) i hope you like it, and if you stuck through this entire story, thank you so so much for reading!! as always, i’d love to hear your thoughts, and remember to stay hydrated and take care of yourself<3 happy chris day!!

special shoutout for @animnerd who gave me some motivation when i needed it<3 

Taglist:  @horny-nd-bored @shannon124 @perfectlyharolds @wintersoldierslut @iceebabies  @sleepingpapermouse @steverogerswasalwaysworthy @holtzkinnon @angelicl-y @stydia-4-ever @thatoneperson5000 @fangirlfree @kaitcordx25 @bequeening @steve-barry-damon-logan @itscrazycherryblossomcollection @hollandxmarvel @stargazingfangirl18 @readsreblogsfics @onetwo3000 @beritmetal @harrystylesholland @jazbot2000 @anobscurename @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @peggycarter-steverogers @evansphnx12 @starlightcrystalline @procrastinatingsapphictrash @imvivian

Chris & co. taglist: @patzammit

if you wanna join / be removed from a taglist, comment/message me! much love <3

[nihyunluvskookie]

my birthday with her~

Bang Chan one shot

Pairing: Bang Chan × Female reader

Genre: Fluff with a bit of angst

Warnings: no warnings as far as I know

Word count: 1.9 K

Author’s Note: It’s his birthday, one of the best leader, best human, I love him a lot and I have no words how much, i am just blessed to have him, I am just grateful.

“Chan, get ready we are going out for dinner tonight”

“okay”

“Chan, just listen to me, son it’s fine.” Mum left after this, I went to my closet and picked the black silk shirt, my favorite and wore black jeans, I was wearing all black, how can I not wear black on my birthday. We literally had a feast in lunch and now they are taking me out, I should be the one taking them out, this is my first time spending my birthday here after I debuted. And I hope… I hope I get to see her today…

“Come down in 20 minutes, everyone else is getting ready”

“Mum I am supposed to take you all out tonight”

[Flashbacks]

“This is my first time going back home in September, this is my very first time celebrating my birthday with my family after debuting. I just feel happy Lix”

“I am happy for you and I hope you meet her”

“Lix?”

“Yeah?”

“Meet whom?”

“What do you mean by whom?”

“I mean whom?”

“You know it very well, and all of us know but we don’t ask you anything because it should be you if you want to open up with us about something. I just hope you at least hug her; you seem to miss her and how can she not try to find you because we go to Australia for tours. This way or that way I just hope she finds you or you find her this time. I really want to ask her what did she do to you.”

“Lix, she didn’t do anything and she’s just a friend okay?”

“I can see how much this friend matters to you”

“Lix!”

“You are still not scary, now go see your parents are waiting and mine too, and let’s meet soon” Felix hugged me and I was still looking at his face, that silly and teasing smile didn’t leave his face. I spotted Felix’s dad, he waved at me and Felix left me there. I have no idea how this guy got to know, since I never told anyone and was it that obvious, last time we came to Australia and it was 2 years ago, and that’s where I felt I saw her but I couldn’t meet her because I was unsure since that day, she never left my mind. How can I not recognize my childhood bestfriend and how she never tried finding me, what was stopping her?

 [Present]

Felix’s words were not leaving my mind, everything he said on airport that day, I hope I meet her. It’s been more than 10 years, I saw her and I doubt she even remembers me, I wish she does.

After getting ready I went down and saw the lights were off, probably because everyone was outside already. I went to dining hall and I heard mum say “Channie” I turned back and I heard party popping sounds and saw a birthday cake,

“Happy Birthday Chan~” it was mum and then lights were on, oh my god.

Felix was there, few of my friends and ….she was there? If I am not wrong, if I am really not wrong, she was there standing between my friends, smiling cutely, her dimples looked cute on her and she was wearing a white floral print knee length dress, a daisy pendent, hair down and it looked perfect on her, her face didn’t change she still have that cute face. I was amazed, I just couldn’t understand what I was feeling, all the emotions, I was happy, overwhelmed and felt loved, as if all the love was making me feel these emotions.

“Chanie hyung come here make a wish and blow up these candles.” I went near the cake, I closed my eyes and made a wish; after opening my eyes I blew the candles and cut the cake.

I looked at the room, it was decorated so beautifully and they did it, everyone was smiling, everyone came and hugged me gave gifts, there I saw her talking with my mum.

Lix came and hugged me tight “Once again happy Birthday bro.”

I smiled at him “Thankyou Lix” we broke the hug, suddenly Lix came near my ear and whispered “She’s pretty” I was taken aback. I looked at him with disbelief on my face, “How are you sure, it’s her?”

“I have my ways and instincts”

“Lix”

“Go talk to her”

He left me there, I wanted to talk to her but I was way too shy to even ask her how she is, I am seeing her after nearly 12 to 13 years and I don’t know how would she even feel to talk to me, and all these years we never contacted eachother, it was just me who saw her two years ago when I came to Australia and that was also not face to face, I just happened to see her. I was about to take a step closer and then I saw her getting a call and going to upstairs.

I decided to follow her, I can gather some courage and even if I am nervous doesn’t change the fact, she was my bestfriend even though I don’t know what we are right now and why am I feeling like this; all these unknown feelings are keeping me awake and making me feel things I never felt. I pushed all my thoughts aside, and went to upstairs, and then I saw her going to the rooftop. I saw everyone going out because mum called everyone to the backyard and Felix just smiled at me, I went to the rooftop.

“I couldn’t give the flowers to him but don’t worry I will give him, now bye. I will call you later!”

I saw her hanging up and resting her hands on the railings, she sighed. I took steps towards her. She turned around definitely hearing my footsteps.

“Oh! Hey!”

“Hey…”

I went near her. She looked so beautiful under moonlight, she looked just like an angel. Her cheeks had a tint of pink, she looked beautiful when she smiled and her dimples were showing.

“How are you?” I asked her, I don’t even know how to start a conversation

“I am good… you?”

“Me too”

“Happy Birthday Chan”

I went closer to her, our hands touched… accidently and she pulled her hand, abruptly. I felt a bit sad but I held it inside me and when I looked at the beautiful her who stood under the moonlight. She was shining, she had a halo… I couldn’t believe that we were this close, but somehow… she felt so distant.

It was a spur of the moment thing, but I felt like this was my last chance.

I took a deep breath, got my emotions under control, at least tried to and whispered, “Maple… Do you remember me?”

It felt like the world went still… I could hear my heartbeats, I could feel my heart thrashing loud against my chest hard, really hard.

The silence went for too long and I thought I should break the ice but before I could--

“Chan… how can I even forget you” the air felt heavy, everything felt so heavy right now, there was no overwhelming feelings anymore, it was replaced with sad, disappointment, curiosity, longing, reminiscing and sighs.

“Then why did you never try to find me?”

“Chan…”

“Maple…”

“Why?” I asked her again

“Chan, you left me alone here, what was I supposed to do, I cried for years, I missed you. Nothing felt the same anymore, why was everything so hard. I waited for you all these years so you would come.”

“Maple…”

“Do you know how hard it was for me? and when I saw you here today, I was taken aback, I was surprised when your mom called me a week ago and told me you’re coming and she wants to throw a party and I’m invited since I am your bestfriend. I waited to meet you, and today we do, my emotions were a mess, Chan do you even have any idea how hard it was, to tell myself that one day I will meet you one day and I always thought you forgot about me since, you never contacted me, I don’t know why, I thought you made new friends, forgot about me, and that’s why I never contacted you, I was scared, scared of losing you and hearing ‘who are you?’ from you, that’s a simple rejection. You have no idea how it was for me. and since last 5 years, things were very downhill for me, I always wanted you by my side but I shut down myself from everywhere, I stopped meeting everyone I was just alone. Chan we were kids, when you left, I always thought you would be that friend who left me and both of us will forget eachother as we grow up, this is how it looked like, years passed, no calls no texts, leaving without a goodbye or see you again? but you left and how could I even believe the lie when you were my bestfriend, mine. I grew and all my emotions started becoming stronger, missing you? Feelings are a mess, emotions are a mess and I never knew looking at you like this right now, my heart would get anxious, beat so fast for you, which was very expected but unacceptable for me, I don’t even know what you are thinking right now. And you ask me why I never tried finding you? It’s because I shut myself off, these feelings were growing day by day and I was holding a hopeless thread and was scared, and didn’t even know if I will ever meet you or not and whatever I’m feeling is wrong, I can’t feel like this to my bestfriend, are we even friends now?”

“Maple…”

“What Chan? Just what?”

“I missed you”

“I missed you more-

I couldn’t hold back anymore; I took her into my arms, we both were a bit stiff, but with each passing breath, she relaxed. I felt her face against my chest, I was hoping that I didn’t make a fool out of myself as my heart had gone out of control… but I probably did cause I heard her chuckle.

Let’s just say the time and situation felt too unreal but surreal at the same time, I wanted to make this moment last a bit longer and asked her something, that my sane self would never.

I whispered into her ear, “Can I kiss you?”

‘ahhhhhhhhh… Bang Christopher Chan …did you JUST do That? Did you really ask her if you could…umm…her? On the first day?’

I felt like I couldn’t show my face to her… someone dig me a hole, I want to bury myself there for eternity.

Just when I was thinking of ways to go into the past and hit myself hard before I asked that to her, I felt some movement and looked down.

‘Did….Did she just nod?’

I pinched myself…’ah’ it hurts?

She looked up… It could be a filter of a guy in love, but her eyes really held all the stars in the world… they looked mesmerizing.

‘This is your chance… Be a man’, I told myself and pulled her closer and kissed her. First it was just me, then she gave in. She was holding the hem of my shirt and my hands were resting on her waist.

[holylulusworld]

Nothing to offer

Summary: You are in love with a certain alpha. Your best friend supports you – or so you thought.

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader, Alpha!Sam x Omega!Ruby

Characters: Jo Harvelle, Lisa Braeden

Warnings: angst, unrequited love, pining, friends to lovers, Lisa being a bitch, sad reader, smut, unprotected sex, scenting, knotting, claiming

Kinktober Special: A/B/O

Text divider by @writeyourmindaway​

Kinktober 2020

Tonight is the night. Tonight, you are going to admit your feelings to Dean, the alpha you fell in love with almost three years ago.

Lisa, your best friend, helped you decide on a yellow sundress and matching heels. Usually, you don’t wear heels or make-up outside of business meetings and weddings but tonight is special to you.

Your heart thunders in your chest, your lip twitches nervously and you tug at the seam of your dress, waiting for your friend to show.

“Y/N,” Sam smiles at you, already wrapping his arms around you to hug you tightly. “Why are you outside? Lisa and the others are inside, waiting.”

“What?” Dumbfounded you gape at Sam. “Lisa said I shall wait for her, outside.” You shuffle on your feet, wondering why your friend didn’t wait for you.

“She’s here for three or four hours,” Ruby sighs, tugging at Sam’s wrist. “What?”

“Sam,” Ruby grits her teeth, knowing you don’t want to hear what your friend did. “Didn’t I tell you to shut your mouth before you say something dumb?”

“Dumb? I…I…,” Sam’s eyes widen when he drinks your outfit in. You never wear make-up or dresses. “Oh-shit, no…”

Before Sam can react you walk into Dean’s bar, the bunker, to give him your birthday present. Your heart still races when you step further into the bar.

“Y/N, hey-erm,” your heart drops, just like the bottle of whiskey in your hands when you must watch your best friend greedily kiss the man you love with all your heart. Her arms around his neck, her tongue down his throat Lisa purrs against his lips. “I’m so sorry…” Jo places one hand onto your shoulder but you jerk it off.

“I’m…yeah-I think I’ll leave and never come back,” you turn on your heels. You are half-way out of the bar before Ruby can call your name.

“Fucking great,” Jo mutters, looking at the now ruined expensive whiskey. “She wanted to tell him today. I heard her talking to Lisa, her friend,” Jo spats the last word. “Did you know?”

“I had no clue, Jo,” Sam stammers, watching his brother shove Lisa off him. “I don’t think she’ll ever come back."I believed Dean finally found his omega,” Ruby runs one hand over Sam’s back to calm the angry alpha. “My brother deserves happiness and here he stands, kissing the wrong omega – again.”

“It wasn’t Dean’s fault, Sam. As far as I can tell, Lisa was all over him for hours. When I left for a moment she pounced on him and kissed Dean,” Jo says. “I should clean the mess.”

“Sammy, Ruby! Finally, you are here,” Dean grumbles, making a beeline around Lisa to avoid getting too close to the clingy omega. “Who dropped a bottle?”

“Well, uh-you see,” Jo shakes her head, pointing at the lipstick on Dean’s lips. “Y/N didn’t feel well, and the bottle slipped out of her hands. She says happy birthday but had to go.”

Sam lies, Dean knew he does the moment his brother opens his mouth. Dean just wonders why his brother would lie about you being sick. “Why didn’t she say hi?”

“I don’t know, Dean. Maybe as her best friend had her tongue down your throat and Y/N believed you don’t want her to disturb the intimate moment,” Ruby storms toward the bar to pour herself a drink. “Fucking idiots. Alphas are so blind…”

“What’s wrong?” Lisa coos, a grin on her red lips. “Where’s my friend? Did Y/N not make it to the bar?”

“She came. Saw her best friend and left for good. If your plan was to ruin your friendship – well done, Lisa,” Jo joins Ruby at the bar, sighing deeply. “I believed she will finally found a nice guy.”

“Y/N, she deserves better than Lisa or Dean,” Ruby slams her now empty glass onto the counter. “Alphas are assholes. Believe me, Sam is the acceptation.”

Dean chuckles at his brother’s girlfriend’s words but he can’t shake the feeling off that you left as there is more than a cold bugging you. “Maybe I should call Y/N and ask her how she’s doing?”

“I can do so,” Lisa smiles sweetly but Ruby groans, throwing a napkin at your friend. “Wait a minute. I’ll go outside, Deano. Y/N doesn’t like it when too many people listen to our conversations.”

“I can imagine,” Ruby spats, now aiming her glass at Lisa’s head. “If not for Dean’s birthday…” the omega slurs. “I should’ve killed ya, bitch.”

“Don’t act like a toddler, Y/N,” Lisa laughs, pressing her phone closer to her ear to hear every sob leaving your lips. “Did you honestly believe an alpha like Dean would be interested in you? I did you a favor by seducing him. He’s too rough and demanding for a shy little girl. Look for that nice guy. Maybe a beta would match your personality.”

Dean feels like he’s frozen to the spot. He wants to say something, but his lips won’t move. “Y/N, darling,” Lisa smirks, chuckling when she hears you started to cry. “I’m sorry to tell you but you wouldn’t be able to take his knot or know how to satisfy a man like Dean. Stop crying and face reality. You never were meant to be.”

On the other end of town, you drop the phone, hiding your face in the palms of your hands while Lisa keeps on talking. She told you that Dean barely knows you and that if you come to the bar always stands far away to not catch your scent.”

“Good thing I saved you from making a move. Dean would’ve laughed about you, Y/N. Cry a little, eat ice cream and stop bugging me with your love life,” Lisa ends the call. When she enters the bar again, Dean is long gone…

“Sammy, where does Y/N live?” Dean pants, running toward his car. “I need to know her address. I…I’m already on my way.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to show up at her home, Dean. Y/N is hurt and vulnerable now. Give her a few days to calm,” Sam grunts when Ruby takes the phone out of his hands.

“Listen and listen carefully, Winchester. If you do not intend on making Y/N yours stay away from her or I’ll cut your cock off,” Ruby smirks, patting her alpha’s chest. “Good, you better do so.” Sam furrows his brows at his omega’s words. “If you lied and don’t want to claim her, I’ll kill you.”

“Give me the phone, Ruby,” Jo smirks, running off with Sam’s phone. “She lives…” After giving Dean your address, Jo warns the alpha too. “You better not hurt our girl. Tell her Ruby and I said hi.”

“Give me back my phone, Jo!” Sam snarls. He holds out his hand, a frown on his face. “You all should stay out of other people’s love life.”

“If we would’ve done so, Samuel, you and Ruby would still dance around each other,” Jo giggles at Sam’s pissed expression. “Now shut up and let Rubes and me enjoy we are great matchmakers.”

“Thank you,” Dean smiles, giving your landlord, an elder lady, a wink. “My omega forgot to leave me a key. I was on a business trip and you know, I missed my mate,” your landlord giggles, even slaps Dean’s chest.

“You are a bad boy, Mr. Winchester,” she snickers. “No noise complaints, young man. I know young love is passionate, but I don’t want to come up here again.”

“I promise we’ll be as silent as possible,” keys in his hands Dean turns his attention back toward your door. “We will not cause any trouble.”

“Goodnight, Mr. Winchester,” Dean opens your door, hastily stepping inside. “I hope you’ll keep your word.”

“Y/N? Sweetheart?” Low wails catch Dean’s attention. His heart drops seeing you curled into a ball on your bed. “Omega?”

You don’t lift your head when Dean enters your bedroom. “I was worried, Y/N. Why did you just leave? I wanted to see you tonight, but you were gone.” Dean knows why you left but he wants to hear the words leave your lips.

“Go back to your friends and Lisa,” you whimper. Hiding your face in your pillow you try to suppress the sobs leaving your lips. “I’m no one to you and I got nothing to offer. You’re at the wrong girl's place.”

“Listen,” Dean shrugs his jacket off, eying your trembling form warily. “If you don’t stop, you’re going to get sick.”

“Why should you care? I’m only a girl who used to come to your bar. Lisa was the one dragging me to the bunker every weekend. Just go back to your girlfriend,” your voice cracks and you need to gather all your strength to not shake when Dean kicks his shoes off.

“I can scent your desperation, omega. You need to stop,” the alpha tries again but your mind won’t stop spinning around the image Lisa burned into your memory. “Y/N, please.”

You don’t look at Dean, nor do you say another word when breathing becomes difficult. “I…I don’t want you here. Get out,” you choke out, fisting your blanket. “Go…”

“No way, sweetheart,” Dean lifts your blanket to join you on your bed. He scoots closer to wrap his arms around your now trembling body. “Relax. I’m here and won’t go away, Y/N.” He whispers against your mating gland. “Tell me why you ran away.”

“Lisa said she’ll help me talk to the alpha I like,” you mumble. Sobs leave your lips remembering how she encouraged you to admit your feelings to Dean. “I bought a dress and wore make-up only for you.”

“I bet you looked pretty,” Dean hums against your skin, kissing your mating gland. “You always look pretty, though.”

“I waited outside for Lisa to show. When I entered the bar you were kissing Lisa and I knew, I don’t stand a chance. I’m sorry for believing I have something to offer to an alpha like you,” you sniffle, ashamed you acted like a love-sick teen.

“It wasn’t me kissing Lisa, and, I didn't kiss her back. She pounced on me, pressed her lips to mine and I was too shocked to react. I pushed her away the moment you dropped the bottle of whiskey,” His warm chest against your skin Dean closes his eyes.

“You should go back to her,” you whisper again but Dean won’t budge. “Go home, Dean. I’m fine, really. It’s not the first time I feel rejection. It just gets harder with every passing year.”

“Sweetheart,” the alpha huffs, pressing his erection into your ass. “Does this feel like rejection to you? I’m always aroused close to you. I don’t want Lisa, never wanted her, Y/N. I want you. I love the way you lean against the old jukebox to dance to silly songs. I like how you giggle when you find something funny and, I like how you look at me.”

“You saw me watching you,” whining you hide your face in the palms of your hands. “I’m sorry, alpha.”

“Say that again,” Dean husks, grinding into your ass. “Please…”

“Sorry?”

“No…my presentation. Call me alpha again, baby. Please call me your alpha again,” you shiver as Dean’s lips travel along your neck. “Please, sweetheart.”

“Alpha?”

“Again.”

“You’re my alpha, Dean.”

“Again.” He bites your neck playfully, rutting into you now. “Again.”

“You are my alpha, Dean.”

“Yes, I’m your alpha,” he growls, hand slipping into your panties. “No one can touch you. No one will hold you like this. No one will even dare to look at my omega.”

“I’m yours, Dean,” you cry out, head lolling back the moment Dean slips two fingers into your slick entrance. “Only yours.”

“Only mine,” voice hoarse Dean rubs his erection against your ass, hoping for any kind of friction. “Gonna knot this tight little cunt. You’re my birthday gift.”

You’re dizzy from his scent, his lips against your throat, and the way his cock drives wildly into you.

“You’re mine, always were meant to be mine,” Dean growls, hands gripping your thighs to spread you wider. “I’m gonna knot you good, ‘mega.” Unlike other alphas, Dean wants to see your face, wants to watch you fall apart underneath him.

“Dean,” your blunt nails dig into his back, leave angry red lines on their way down to his ass. “I’m so close, alpha,” your hands grip his ass, and Dean smirks at your boldness.

“I knew you’re my dirty girl,” he muses, bumping his nose against yours. “Love how you feel, Y/N.” Grunts leave the alpha’s lips when you start to meet his thrusts. “Love you.”

“Oh-god,” his teeth sink into your mating gland and you come right there and then, digging your nails deep into Dean’s flesh. You start to tremble, cry out profanities as he won’t let up until his knot starts to form at the base of his cock.

“Mine,” he purrs against the mark he left, licking the little wound eagerly. His cum fills your belly, making it bulge. “My omega,” Dean whines against you, body shuddering through his orgasm.

“That was,” you giggle, hiding your face in Dean’s shoulder when he wraps his arms around you. “I liked it, a lot.”

“Your first knot is always the best – especially if it’s mine,” Dean lifts his head, a grin on his lips. “You know, mine is the last you’ll get.”

“I know,” you husk the words against Dean’s lips, breathing ‘alpha’. “I don’t want any other alpha. I only want you, Dean.”

“Never say you’ve got nothing to offer,” he whispers. “You’ve got a beautiful smile, a strong will, the softest voice, a pussy to die for.” You slap the back of his head at the word ‘pussy’. “Ouch, it’s true. I like it a lot…”

Lisa lazily leans against the counter, watching Dean stroll back into the bar. His hair is still damp from the shower you shared. His lips kiss-swollen and to Lisa’s disappointment Dean’s fingers are interlaced with yours.

“Dean, where have you…” Sam smirks when his eyes drop to the fresh claiming mark at your neck. “I see you didn’t waste a minute.”

“I got my girl,” Dean purrs. He wraps one arm around your waist to lead you toward his favorite table. “Jo, the next rounds are on me. Everyone drinks for free tonight, except for Lisa.”

“What?” Lisa looks up at Dean, whimpering as the alpha steps closer. “I…I”

“You are not welcome here anymore. Leave my bar, forget you ever met Y/N and don’t you dare to ever call my girl. Out,” Dean jerks his head toward the door.

“Swing your ass out of our bar,” Ruby slams her glass onto the table, ready to attack Lisa. “I dare you to wait any longer.”

Lisa’s eyes land on your claiming mark when you try to calm your alpha. “She’ll never satisfy your needs, Dean.”

“Firstly, I give a shit on your opinion and,” Dean smirks, running his hand over your belly, “she already took my knot. I can tell, she’ll be round with my pups soon. I’ll have her every day and night. Now out.”

“Out…out…out,” Jo singsongs, slamming a baseball bat onto the table. “Last chance or my lovely skull tamer will hit your ugly face…”

Whilst Lisa runs for the hills, your alpha slings his arm back around your waist, leading you toward the table Jo prepared.

“Happy birthday to me. Tonight, you made me the happiest alpha.”

“Happy birthday, Dean.”

SPN Forever Tags

@donnaintx

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@sister-winchesters99

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--------------------------------------

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags   

@spnfamily-j2​

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@peaches007​ wil

[bts-reveries]

mini me | 11

(images at the end)

“Come in!” Taehyung says as he opens the door to you and Youngjae. Your son excitedly runs inside, looking around for the little dog you told him about. With the sound of guests coming into the apartment, a dog runs out from Taehyung’s room, ready to welcome you and Youngjae. Your son gasps at the sight of the fluff ball, quickly running towards him.

“Mommy it’s Annie!” He yells, hugging the small dog. 

“Annie?” Taehyung asks, confused. The two of you walk towards your sons. 

“One walk we had in the park a few months back, a puppy ran to Youngjae and wouldn’t leave his side. He wanted to keep him,” you laugh, roughly remembering that moment. “But the owner came, it was a quick meeting, but I don’t remember what the man said her name was. Youngjae calls her Annie--”

“Tannie,” Taehyung says. He laughs, roughly remembering the same day. “Yeontan, he’s a boy by the way. But, that’s crazy, that was you two?” Your eyes widen.

“Wait--”

“Aww I miss you so much,” Youngjae says, hugging Yeontan tighter. You and Taehyung looked at each other in surprise. You remember how much Youngjae loved the dog and how Yeontan ran into you at the best possible time. It was Youngjae’s birthday and you were hoping for a surprise that day, mostly from his dad. Instead the little puppy came at the same time Youngdo texted that he wasn’t going to be able to see him that day. Youngjae was upset for just a second, then the puppy came right over to cheer him up. He talked about “Annie” the rest of the day.

“So I guess we’ve met each other before huh?” Taehyung says. “Tannie’s been watching out the window everyday since then as if he was waiting for someone.”

“Aww Annie missed me,” Youngjae says, rubbing his nose on Yeontan’s.

“Tannie,” Taehyung corrects. Youngjae looks up at him innocently.

“That’s what I said,” he tells Taehyung.

“No, you said Annie. You forgot the ‘T,’” Taehyung tells him, Youngjae shakes his head.

“No, I said it right.”

-

“Daddy let me pick the stuff I wanted,” Youngjae says, taking out the contents of his bag. “I got this one for you!” He says, pulling out a paint brush. “It’s in my favorite color,” he says, handing Taehyung the purple brush. Taehyung’s smile widens.

“You got me a purple paint brush???” He says, taking the brush from Youngjae’s small hand. He nods his head.

“I have one too,” he says, holding up his own. You squint your eyes at the both of them.

“Didn’t even get me one…” You mutter. Taehyung looks at you and laughs.

“You didn’t get Mommy one?” Taehyung asks Youngjae. He smiles shyly, shaking his head no. 

“His mind says ‘no thoughts, just Uncle Cupcake’,” you say, making Taehyung laugh more.

“You can just borrow mine,” Youngjae says, passing you a different brush. 

-

After Youngjae gave you two a little haul of the things he bought while he was at his dad’s, the three of you finally started your paint session.

Taehyung suggested that you three paint each other. Youngjae will paint Taehyung, Taehyung will paint you, and you will paint Youngjae. 

It was all quiet at this point, the three of you were just focusing on each other. Taehyung had jazz playing in the background. You were looking at your son, focusing on his features, doing your very best to transfer he’s beauty onto the canvas. Although, you were more of a pencil and paper type of girl, painting was something you needed to get better at.

“Yn, look at me,” Taehyung says. You felt honored that an actual artist was painting you. You couldn’t wait to see what he would have by the end. 

You looked up at him and smiled slightly. He scans his eyes over your features, mostly staring at your eyes. It was a long stare. You were starting to feel your cheeks heat up. 

After a few more seconds, he quietly goes back to his painting, and so do you. You glanced a little at what your son had on his canvas as he sat right next to you. You couldn’t help but smile at what he’s got. For a four year old, he was good with small details. He had all of Taehyung’s moles on his painting, even painting his one monolid and one double eyelid. They were probably your favorite feature on Taehyung’s face. You weren’t going to lie, Taehyung’s a very attractive man. His personality also fit his good looks very well. 

With everyone focused on their own paintings, the music also playing in the background, your mind began to wander.

Your thoughts of your conversations with your girl friends pop into your head. You didn’t like how they constantly suggested that you and Taehyung date. But only because you didn’t want your feelings to be based on peer pressure. 

Taehyung caught your attention when you mistook him as Youngjae at the party. He was really kind when the two of you were looking for the kids during ‘hide and seek.’ Also, you’ve never seen someone so in love with kids. Especially someone without kids himself. It made your heart happy. 

You don’t even know where to begin with with his relationship with your son. He’s so sweet, thoughtful, and loving to him. Something Youngjae has always deserved. The love you always wanted him to feel.

Dating again also hasn’t crossed your mind. As far as you know, Taehyung loves your son and is a very good friend of yours. You don’t know if he likes you any more than just a friend.

“Are you admitting you like Kim Taehyung?” you thought to yourself. Or are your friends' words getting to you? Do you actually like him? Or do you just want your son to have the dad he deserves? Do you just want to date him to make other people happy? Or would it make yourself happy? This is what had you confused this past week. 

Your feelings for Taehyung have been there the day you met him. Although you never acknowledge the feelings you had. Well until the day your friends pushed for you two to date. That’s when you began to think if you really liked him. Instead you shook it off as your friends words getting to you.

“You have a really cute nose,” Taehyung says, pulling you out of your thoughts. You look up at him and see him focused on his painting of you. He looks up at you and laughs. “What? You don’t agree?” You shake your head, emptying out all the thoughts from it.

“How are you two’s painting going?” You say, taking a peek at Youngjae’s then Taehyung’s. Taehyung covers his painting so you wouldn’t see. 

“You have to wait until the end,” he tells you. You sigh.

“Fineeee, but I’m done with mine,” you say, getting up and putting it to the side. You ask where his bathroom was so you can go wash your hands. 

When you leave, Taehyung waits to hear the door click shut. He looks at his finished painting, signing it off. 

“How does mommy look on this?” Taehyung asks Youngjae, turning the canvas around. Youngjae’s face lights up as he sees his mom on the canvas.

“Wow! It’s so pretty,” he says, scanning over the painting. 

“Just like mommy right?” Taehyung says. 

“What’s just like mommy?” You say, walking back over to them. Taehyung quickly turns the painting around. 

“Did you two show each other your paintings without me?!” You say. A little hurt. 

“Only Uncle did,” Youngjae says, holding the canvas towards his chest. You glare at Taehyung, making him laugh.

“So you’re done? Let me see,” you say. 

“We all have to be done first,” Taehyung says, looking at Youngjae.

“Well, I’m done,” you say, you look over at your son. “Are you?” He smiles up at both of you, slowly turning his painting around. He was quite excited about it. Proud of himself as well.

“Oh my gosh!” Taehyung says, looking at the painting. “Buddy that looks so good!” Taehyung exclaims. Youngjae smiles up at you happily, content about Taehyung’s reaction.

“I want you to have it,” he says shyly, passing the canvas to Taehyung. Taehyung’s reaction was actually pretty priceless. He was genuinely very happy. He takes the canvas from Youngjae, admiring it up close. It was the best portrait of himself he has ever seen. Of course, it doesn’t look exactly like him, but he got all his features down! You would’ve known right away it was him.

“Thank you, Youngjae,” Taehyung says, “I’m hanging this up in my room.” Youngjae was so proud of himself, especially getting such a great reaction from someone he looked up to, he shyly scoots over to you and hugs you from the side. 

“Mommy’s turn,” Taehyung says. The butterflies in your stomach seem to flap their wings whenever he would call you that. 

“My turn to show? Or are you going to show me your portrait of me?” You ask. 

“I’mma show you mines,” he says, turning his canvas around. Your eyes widened as you saw your own face. You knew he was an artist but you didn’t know he was THIS good. It was almost like a photo, but he seemed to capture your beauty. One that you didn’t know you had, or one you rarely saw in yourself. 

“W-wow,” you say. Taehyung looks up at you. 

“Do you like it?” He says. You look up at him and nod.

“Would it be weird to call a painting of myself beautiful?” You laugh, looking up at him and then back at the painting. 

“No, you’re just telling the truth,” he winks. You felt heat in your cheeks and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Are you trying to call me beautiful or your painting?” You joke.

“Well considering my painting is you, both.” 

“I wanna see minesss~~~” Youngjae whines, pulling on your arm. 

“Okay okay,” you say, glancing up at Taehyung before grabbing your canvas from the side. You turn it towards him and he smiles at it, giggling a bit.

“What??” You ask, confused about his reaction. 

“I like it…” He says, smiling up at you. You scoff, handing him the painting.

“Well I wasn’t expecting that,” you say, making Taehyung laugh. 

“Mommy is better using pencil and paper,” Youngjae informs Taehyung. 

“Oh is that right? Maybe I have to give mommy lessons on painting huh?” Taehyung says. Youngjae laughs, nodding his head.

“Whatever,” you say. At this point, you didn’t even care that they were teasing your bad painting skills, you were just glad you were all having fun. This is another reason why you loved spending time with Taehyung. It’s always a fun time.

“Oh yeah, Yn,” Taehyung says, pulling you from your thoughts once again. “I had to ask you something.” You raise your brows. 

“Hm?”

“Well let’s get some food first,” he says, getting up to go to the kitchen.

-

The three of you were now sitting at the kitchen table. Taehyung made pasta for you three, Youngjae seemed to like it. 

“Okay so I got a call the other day for an art exhibition a few months from now. I need to submit a few pieces in two weeks,” Taehyung explains. “This is a great opportunity for my art work to get noticed by a much bigger audience.”

“Oh wow, that sounds great! Are you going to do it?” You ask. He nods his head.

“I want to, but they are only taking a handful of artists for this exhibition, and so I have to compete. Then I’d have to do an interview too if I win the competition. If I get picked, my art would be in the exhibition.”

“You’ll get in! You’re the best artist I know!” Youngjae says, noodles hanging off his mouth, listening to the two of you’s conversation. Taehyung laughs, reaching over to wipe Youngjae’s chin with a napkin.

“I hope so buddy.” Taehyung turns to look over at you. “I’m a well known artist online, I have a good following on twitter, but this could get me farther in my career,” he tells you. You nod, waiting for him to continue. “There’s a theme for the exhibition, ‘self love.’ I wanted to ask if you can be one of my muses.” Your eyes widen.

“M-me?”

mini me

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ part eleven: beautiful ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

pairings: artist!taehyung x singlemom!reader

a/n: questions are finally answered lol

we’re finally goin somewhere with this

ALSO HERE’S WHERE THEY MET I FORGOT TO ADD IT IN

picnic blanket, the drabble where it has a small part where taehyung met yn

taglist: @heartfeltscribblings @taexmichi @prdshobi @smarshere @i-swear-im-a-soft-stan @igotarmyofarohas @butterflylion @miagracegrande @casspirit0705 @ephyra1230 @cosmicdaylight @bbyjoonies @betysotelo18 @strwberry-jam @rjsmochii @chocobetterknot @notmontae97 @alpaca1612 @yoongistruth @dragonqueen01 @silentlyimpractical @hecticwonderer @joanc24 @angjeon @momma-said-that-it-was-oke @sweetmoonlight9  @samros95 @dreamcatcherjiah @sonderkook @taekookcaneatme @listless-losers @kookietsukkie @goldenchemistry @salty-for-suga @peoplejustcanthandlemywierdness @softboyfriendtae @raplineh0e @ess-place @callmepaopao @ggukvii @ramyagovindraj @yoongiverse @mipetronella @cloudy-skys @jikachoo @nxtrogers @kookoo-kachoo @taestannie @hispoutylips @hallofbtsmasterlist

TAGLIST IS CLOSED!

[everybodyscupoftea]

i’ll be there

frat jj x reader

words: 2020

warnings: underage drinking, cursing

synopsis: in which boys will be boys and forget important dates

You and JJ had only been dating around seven months when your birthday came around. The birthday talk had come up because his was about four months before yours and you planned a whole day for the two of you to go fishing because you could tell how much he missed it with how busy school was keeping him.

JJ was ecstatic and the two of you drank all afternoon. You had a reservation at one of his favorite restaurants and a cake you’d made waiting in your room. He swore up and down to you that it was his favorite birthday ever and that he’d definitely one up you for yours.

As the date got closer, you began to doubt it. To clarify, it was fine, your birthday wasn’t a huge deal to you, just another day really. You never really announced it or had a party for it growing up, normally just movie marathon, dinner, and cake with your parents, sister, and some of your closest friends. But this year, it was your first birthday away from your family and home friends.

You thought maybe JJ was just planning something as a surprise until he started talking about a mixer he was helping plan that was supposed to take place on your birthday. While he was talking, you must’ve gotten a weird look on your face because he trailed off and asked, “Babe, everything okay? Do you think the theme is stupid?”

“No, the theme isn’t stupid, it sounds fun. What day is it again?”

He repeated the date and sure enough, you’d heard him right the first time. Nodding, you took a deep breath, “Well what if you moved it to that Friday instead of Saturday?”

“It’s like tradition or something to have Spring mixers on Saturday nights.”

This time you were absolutely sure that you were making a face. Your mouth fell open as you searched for the right words, “Wait, that’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.”

JJ laughed and ruffled your hair, much to your annoyance, “Yeah, well, we don’t fuck with tradition.”

“Right,” you didn’t really feel like finishing the conversation, so you decided to just head out, “well, I have study group tonight, so I’m going to get something to eat before having to head over.”

“Oh, you want company?” JJ asked reaching for his wallet.

You shrugged, “I’m good. Have to call my sister anyway, so I’ll do that while I’m eating.”

JJ looked confused and a little hurt, you rarely ate dinner without him, but he quickly smoothed his face over, “Yeah, sure. Text me when you get out of study group, we can hang out later.”

With a weak smile, you nodded, “Sure, I’ll talk to you later.”

You left his room before he could lean in to kiss you goodbye and speed walked to the elevator before he could chase you down. The feeling in your chest was hard to pin down, maybe disappointment, maybe insecurity of not being important enough to JJ, but as soon as you had that thought, you pushed it away. That was absurd.

Pulling your phone out on the walk to the cafeteria on campus, you called your sister. She picked up on the second ring with an excited, “Hey!”

“Hey, loser, I miss you.”

She laughed, “Yeah, miss seeing your dumb face around the house.”

“I don’t know how, it’s like I’m still there with all the outfits of mine I keep seeing on Instagram.”

“Hey, if you didn’t want me to wear your clothes, you should’ve brought them with you.”

“Oh whatever,” you told her, not really in the mood to argue back.

She was quiet for a few seconds before gently asking, “Everything okay? Did you and JJ fight?”

You sighed, “No, I just, I think he forgot my birthday because he’s planning something with his frat and I asked if they could move the day and he was all like ‘no we don’t fuck with tradition’ and like I guess I get it, but I just wanted to do the whole movie thing with him this year since I won’t be with you guys.”

“Did you, I don’t know, tell him it was on your birthday or did you happen to leave that little detail out?”

With a soft laugh and slight blush, you responded, “What do you think?”

“I think you left that important bit out because you know how much the frat means to him and you’re willing to just get your feelings hurt for his sake.”

“Shut up,” you mumbled, hating how well she knew you.

“Well, Sis, unfortunately he’s probably going to be a typical boy about this and he’s not going to remember until after the fact and then he’s going to feel like shit and you’re going to feel like shit with him. Really this could all be avoided if you just tell him.”

“He doesn’t have to know.”

“Oh my god, you do realize he’s going to be thinking to himself in a few months, huh, I wonder when her birthday is and he’s going to find out.”

“Well, I’ll tell him I don’t celebrate it.”

She made an exasperated noise, “Okay, clearly nothing I say is going to change your mind, so I’ll just drop it for now. How are your classes going?”

And with that the two of you started catching up. You told her about your classes and your study group, and she told you about all the gossip going on with people at home and about how bullshit senior year of high school was.

“I’m just ready to be in college and doing whatever I want, like you,” she whined at the end of her rant.

You laughed, “The grass always seems greener, my friend, but I can promise you it is not.”

She complained a little bit more before the two of you exchanged goodbyes and you started walking to the library to meet with your group. By the time you finished there, it wasn’t too late, so you texted JJ that you were finished. He replied pretty quick, telling you to wait there, and he’d come walk you back since it was dark and your dorm was pretty far away from the library.

Everything was going to be totally fine, he still cared for you, it was going to be okay.

In the weeks leading up to the party, JJ got busier and busier, focused on making sure the details were exactly right. He was put in charge of coordinating the alcohol, which you didn’t really get because he was only 20, but he told you it was a real privilege, so you let it go.

The night before, he crashed in your room and by the time you woke up at 10, he was gone and you had a text from him that he had to go help set up and that he’d be back to pick you up at 5:30.

You stretched and decided to go for a run before getting some expensive coffee you normally didn’t spend money on as a treat for your birthday. It was nice outside, and you enjoyed the fresh air. While you were drinking your coffee, you parents FaceTimed you, so you moved to the outdoor patio and talked with them and your sister for a good 30 minutes.

After picking up lunch at your favorite sushi place, you went back to your room to eat and start getting ready for the Mardi Gras themed party. You scrolled through Instagram, smiling at your friends’ posts for you. It felt nice, especially since JJ hadn’t said anything about it yet.

Your suitemate let herself into your bedroom around 4 with a cupcake from the bakery downtown and a huge smile. It almost brought you to tears. She gave you a huge hug and sang to you before asking, “What do you and JJ have planned?”

“Oh, uh, we’re going to a party his frat is throwing. He helped plan it, so he’s pretty excited.”

She looked disappointed, “He planned a frat party on your birthday.”

“Yeah, but it’s okay. It means a lot to him, so, I don’t mind.”

“Right…” she trailed off before straightening back up, “want me to do your makeup?”

“Oh yes, please!”

JJ knocked at your door at exactly 5:30 and you greeted him with a smile and a kiss. He yelled out a greeting to your suitemate and she got off her bed to lean against the doorframe and glare at him, not returning his hello.

With a weird look in her direction, he grabbed your hand and pulled you out after him, rambling about how sick the house looked with all the decorations, still not bringing up your birthday at all. With that, you resigned yourself to just having to get over it.

You got a drink almost immediately and stayed pretty close to JJ’s side as he walked around socializing. A few people from your study group found you and started talking to you, which you were grateful for. And then it happened, before you could stop it, one of the boys in you group blurted, “Oh, by the way, happy birthday! The big 20, huh?”

JJ laughed, looking down at you, clearly thinking the guy was confused, and you blushed, “Oh, uh, thanks. Yeah, 20.”

“One more year till you’re legal!” he cheered before catching someone across the room’s eye and excused himself.

JJ had gone totally rigid next to you and you cautiously glanced up at his face. You held your hands up, and quietly told him, “J, it’s not a big deal.”

His face was incredibly pale as he whispered back, “It’s your fucking birthday?”

“Um, yep,” you responded with an awkward half smile.

“And you didn’t tell me why?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know, you were just really excited for the party, I didn’t want to ruin it for you or anything.”

“Ruin it for-“ he cut himself off and started pulling you through the crowd and out the back door. JJ ran his hands through his hair, “So that’s why your roommate gave me such a dirty look then.”

You nodded, playing with your fingers as he paced back and forth. Clearing your throat, you said, “It’s really not like a huge thing. I mean we get to spend time together tonight.”

JJ stopped, “No, it’s actually a huge fucking thing. What kind of boyfriend forgets that shit?”

“A busy one,” you joke.

His jaw tensed and he sighed heavily before speaking again, “Babe, I am so sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you. I don’t know how this happened; I mean it’s in my phone calendar.” JJ pulled out his phone to show you and then sighed again, “I put it in April.”

“JJ, I promise it’s okay. I mean I was a little hurt, sure, but at least it wasn’t intentional.”

“It’s just, I love you, and I want to be there for you and I knew you had a problem with the party but I figured it must not be huge since you never said anything but I should’ve fucking asked.”

You had frozen at his words; he’d never said them to you before. JJ gave you a weird look when you didn’t react and it unfroze you. You surged forward, kissing him, before pulling away to look him in the eyes, “I love you, too.”

His eyes went wide, suddenly realizing what he said and he kissed you again, holding your face gently in his hands. When he pulled away, he pressed a final kiss on your forehead before taking your hand, “Let’s go.”

“No, you worked hard on this, we can stay.”

JJ gave you a look, “No, we’re going. I’m going to buy you some ice cream and then we’ll go for a walk and spend some time together. I know I’ve been really wrapped up in this and I haven’t seen you as much.”

You smiled and squeezed his hand a few times, “I’d love that.”

[literallythebiggestfuckingsimp]

Twenty-four days of hell

jj maybank x reader

( GIF CREDIT: @rudypankows )

Twenty-four days. It’s been twenty-four days since you last spoke to JJ, and it’s killing you. Your heart feels heavier and heavier with each day passing, and the fight won’t stop replaying itself in your head. It’s torture for you, and as hard as you will for it to just stop, it won’t.

“Well, maybe I don’t want to be just friends!” you screamed, and his eyebrows furrowed.

“The fuck you mean, just friends!?” he had yelled back, equally as angry.

You shook your head. “You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t think I do!” JJ yelled, taking a step closer.

You scoffed. “I’m not gonna keep playing this game with you, Jay. I’m not gonna keep letting you fuck with my head, it’s not fair.”

“I’m not playing a fucking game, Y/N! So let’s just stop this shit and pretend it didn’t happen, alright!”

“No,” you said. You watched as JJ’s jaw clenched. “No, I’m not gonna keep pretending like everything’s okay. Like you’re not with me every morning and running back to her every night. I’m not fucking doing it, JJ.”

“I’m not—“ he paused, sucking in a breath. “I’m not fucking around with you, okay? I promise, I’m not.”

You shook your head, disbelieving. “I’m done.” You turned your back, walking away, only for his hand to grip onto your wrist. You spun around to face him.

“You’re done, are you? You’re just gonna— just gonna walk away like I don’t even fucking exist to you anymore.”

You pushed him back and he stumbled, his jaw slack and tears in his eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

That was the last time you had seen him.

That moment twenty-four days ago on the beach was the last time you had heard his voice, seen his face, touched his skin, and you were lost without him. You don’t think you realised how much that stupid little fight would affect you, but you just couldn’t keep doing it.

You couldn’t keep pretending like you were okay when you saw her hand in his, when you saw her lips crashing against his, their bodies a jumble of limbs between each other. Not when it was your hand in his only a few hours ago, your lips on his, your bodies intertwined.

It was breaking you. Slowly but surely, it was shattering you to pieces.

You didn’t think it would be this hard when you agreed to it at first. When JJ had kissed you that night, and you had kissed him back, not caring that he had a girlfriend, only focused on the feeling of his lips on your skin.

It was stupid. And for the first time, you think you remember why you and Kie had come up with the ‘no pogue on pogue macking’ rule. Because all it takes is two, and the whole group comes crashing down with you. And then, well, then you’re lost.

You don’t know if Cheryl knows what you had been doing with JJ for a good month or two now, and you tell yourself that you don’t care, but that’s not true. You care too much, if anything.

If he hadn’t told her, so what? He doesn’t care about you, you know that. He doesn’t give a shit, and neither should you. But, god, you can’t help it. You can’t help that you’re helplessly in— not in love, no. It wasn’t love, not yet, but it could be ... You’re helplessly in .. like with him. It sounds stupid, but you don’t know how else to describe your infatuation.

You’re lying on the soft grass, picking it with your fingers, staring up into the sky, thinking about him. This is where you had met JJ first, at your 7th birthday party. Unbeknownst to you, your mum had invited practically the whole neighbourhood. You weren’t rich, so it was only a small party with jugs of squash, a few bowls of crisps and a huge cake your mum and little sister had baked for you.

It was nice.

At first, you were shocked when all these random kids showed up, because you didn’t know these people. You’d seen a few of them at school, sure, but you really had no idea who they were. You got scared and hid yourself away in your room, sure that no one would come into the house.

That was until someone did.

A small blond headed boy with shining blue eyes opened the door, looking behind him to make sure no one was following him. You stayed silent, confused as to what he was doing. He shut the door quietly, sneaking over to your desk and taking your favourite pen.

Clearly, he had not seen you sat in the corner of the room, looking at him annoyed.

“Can I help you?” you spoke up, eyes narrowed and glaring. He jumped when he head your voice, turning around at the speed of lightning to face you.

“Uh, yeah, I was just, uhhh,” he said, panicked, “looking for the bathroom.”

“Rightttt,” you stretched out, standing up and brushing off your legs. “And that’s why you took my pen?”

His eyes widened slightly, and he laughed it off. “Ohhh, this?” he asked, holding the pen up. It was pink and sparkly, you weren’t sure why he’d want it. “Nice pen. Very sparkly.”

You just glared at him, hands crossed over our chest. “Yeah, and it’s mine. Why are you in here, anyway?”

“Told you, bathroom.” He shrugged, looking at you curiously. “Why are you here? Isn’t this, I dunno, your party?”

You huffed and rolled your eyes. “Yeah, but I don’t know like anyone here,” you admit.

“Im JJ,” he said, holding out his hand to shake your hand. You eye it suspiciously at first, but eventually give in and shake it.

“Y/N,” you nod. He grinned, and you forgot about how he had tried to steal your pen.

You didn’t know it then, but you had made a forever friend. You didn’t know that you would fall in love with him then, that you would later come to get your heart broken by him.

You didn’t know that he would keep the pen, and although you both know it’s stupid, he still has it, tucked away in his dresser as a ‘emblem of your friendship.’ You won’t ever admit it, but you love that he still has it. In fact, you think it’s adorable.

Oh, how much you want to go back to then, when everything was so much simpler.

Your thoughts are broken by the familiar ding of your phone, indicating a new message. You know that it’s probably just another text from Kie, John B, or Pope, but you check anyway, just to be sure.

JB🖕🏻

get ur ass to mine. mandatory

pogue meeting.

Y/N

mandatory? that’s a big word,

surprised you know it

JB🖕🏻

ha. ha.

JB🖕🏻

just get here

Y/N

i’m good, thanks

JB🖕🏻

u can’t just keep ignoring him,

we haven’t seen u in ages

Y/N

watch me.

With that, you switch off your phone, turning it on silent and continuing to lounge on the grass, looking up at the sky.

—

“Ugh, dude,” John B groans, putting his phone on the counter. “She says she’s not coming. Can’t you just go and talk to her already?”

JJ glares at him. “Hell no.”

“Come on, JJ,” Kiara whines. “It’s not fair that none of us get to see her anymore.”

“She’s right, you fucked up. Big time. And we’re paying the consequences,” Pope adds.

JJ rolls his eyes, taking a large swig of his beer. “You’re just agreeing with her ‘cause she got you pussy whipped.”

“I do not,” Kiara says, glaring at him. Pope stays quiet, eyes slightly wide with the confrontation.

“Whatever, man, just talk to her,” says John B, plopping himself down on the sofa.

“Fine,” JJ spits, grabbing his beer and sauntering out of John B’s house.

“You better not fuck up again!” Kie calls out behind him. JJ grumbles under his breath on his way to yours. He knows the way by muscle memory, and at first he really isn’t going to go — he’s just gonna pretend he did and say you didn’t want to talk. But then he gets closer to your house, and he starts to think about how much he’s missed you. How much he wants you back in his life, so he takes a chance.

—

Your peace is disrupted as you hear the soft pads of feet against the gravelly pavement, walking onto the grass and over towards you.

You know who it is, and you hate that you do, because you’ve memorised him down to the weight of his footsteps. JJ.

You make no move to recognise the fact that he’s there, but you both know you know he is. Your eyes glisten with tears, and he gulps, because he did that to you. Him, who would never dream of hurting you, not in a thousand years, has. And it nearly breaks him inside.

Eventually, he comes to lay beside you. Neither of you speak, and a tense silence fills the air. It’s not a comfortable silence, rather filled with unsaid words and the heavy weight of hurt and guilt instead.

“I broke up with Cheryl yesterday,” he says, after a long silence. You don’t answer him, just continuing to stare up at the sky, but your heart gives a small lurch of joy.

Maybe he does care, after all ...

Your words fail you, and all you can say is, “Okay.” This is the moment you’ve been dreading for those full twenty-four days, actually having to talk it out with him, face even more rejection than you already have.

You don’t think he likes you any more than a friend. You don’t think he likes you the way you like him. But you’re wrong.

“Okay?” he asks incredulously. “Okay? Is that all you’re gonna say to me?”

You sigh. “I don’t know what else there is to say.”

“A lot, Y/N. A whole damn lot,” he says, and he sounds like he doesn’t want to talk about the ‘a lot’, and you understand that, because you don’t either.

“We ... ” you start, but you trail off. “We don’t have to talk about it now. Y’know, take it slow kind of thing.”

JJ smiles. You can’t see him, because you’re looking up at the sky, but you know that he smiles because you know him.

“Okay,” he says.

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

JJ reaches out to intertwine his fingers with yours, and you let him, squeezing his hand in return. He squeezes back.

There’s a comfortable silence, and you both lay on the soft grass, looking up at the sky, holding hands, grinning like love-crazed fools — which, you suppose, you are.

The silence doesn’t just mean silence at this point. It means all the months of going back and forth meant something more. It means, in so many more ways than words can say, hope. Hope for the future and hope for each other.

So you keep the silence, and you bask in that hope, because the twenty-four days of hell and all that happened before doesn’t matter anymore.

All that matters is you and him, and the hopeful silence you lay in, touching in such a simple but intimate way with so many unspoken words between you that the silence seems to sum out.

Twenty-four days of hell and it was worth it.

A/N: hi :)

also oops there’s a little fault in our stars reference there by accident

[jbbarnesandnoble]

Hungry Eyes: One-Shot

Pairing: Modern!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: a night out with your friends leads to you singing karaoke in front of an entire bar. you might be singing in front of them, but everyone knows who you're singing to.

Warning(s): fluff, drinking, bar setting, cringy dialogue (i did not hold back on this one yall) happy ending, my bad writing, and this was only edited once (by me, i can tell you in full confidence that my editing skills suck)

Word Count: 3,059

Prompt: Hungry Eyes by Erik Carmen

A/N: this has been sitting in my drafts since june i believe, and i have wanted to post it so badly! so naturally when i try to post it (after MONTHS of not postint) tumblr stops working and messes my whole plan up... im sorry my friends, but second times the charm (that's how the saying goes, right??)

(not my gif)

It is 9:38pm on a Saturday night, Dirty Dancing plays on your TV in the background while you get ahead on some work. It is your fifth time watching it this week, but you can’t not watch it, it is your favorite movie after-all. On the coffee table next to you, your phone vibrates. Picking it up, you greet your friend on the phone.

“What up babe, I hope you’re wearing somethin’ sexy ‘cause we’re going out tonight!” Natasha announces into her phone. You sigh, knowing there is no way for you to escape going out tonight, not after bailing on her the last four times.

Which is how you find yourself here, at O’Malley’s Bar and Karaoke. Sitting at a center table in the dimly lit bar while an intoxicated man belts out a Fleetwood Mac song. You choose a seat at the mostly empty table. Nat, who is talking with her younger sister, Yelena. Sits on your right and Sam -your other best friend- sits on your left.

“Y/n, haven’t seen you 'round here in awhile. How’s it hanging?” Yelena asks, shifting in her chair, she tries to hear over the sound of the man's bad and loud singing. If you can even call it singing.

“She's been avoiding us,” Nat says, pushing all your buttons perfectly. You do your best to ignore her antics. The wood chair scraps against the hardwood floor as you pull it out and sit between your two best friends. You answer Yelena’s question with a generic answer, ignoring her sister - and her comments - who doesn't seem to care.

“What’s up, kid. It’s been a while since you last came out with us. Nat finally blackmailed you to come with?” Sam jokes with you. You turn to face him, as he sips his water. Ice clinks around in his glass from the quick movement.

“Drinking water tonight?” You ask, more out of intrigue than anything else, though it is a good way to turn away from the current topic. Since you don’t feel like explaining your reason for not hanging out with your friend group much anymore.

It isn’t like you don’t want to go out with them, you do. But you aren’t all that fond of being around Bucky and his girlfriend Dot. You have had a huge crush on Bucky since college and have been best friends for even longer. You thought that over time that small childish crush would go away, but much to your dismay, it did not. In fact, it grew and it never stopped growing. So now, here you are, years later, in love with your best friend who you can’t have because he’s in love with someone else.

That explanation is a great way to kill everyone’s fun. Which is why you haven’t told anyone why you don’t want to hang out anymore. It’s too hard to see them together. You pushed past the pain for almost an entire year, but you aren’t sure that you can do it anymore.

“Somebody has to keep an eye on these kids,” Sam explains, acting as a true mature adult. “Also I drove,” he adds, quieter than the first part, he hides behind his drink.

“There it is.” You say, to which he responds by pretending to be hurt that you didn’t believe he would be the mature one by choice.

A waitress comes around moments later asking you what you would like to drink and eat. A smile on her face the entire time, one you recognize as a customer service smile. Completely fake, but real enough that the customers are none the wiser. You thank her, asking for only a glass of water.

“Forget whatever she asked for, she would like a beer.” Natasha interrupts the young waitress as she is about to leave the table.

“Natasha!” You shout at her, she shrugs in response taking a swig of her own beer.

“I agreed to come out with you, but I didn’t agree to drink.” You point out and it’s true. You don’t feel like drinking tonight and you have to drive yourself home so you really shouldn't be drinking.

“You agreed to drink when you said you would come out with us, plus Sam’s driving.” The redhead tries to argue as she leans back in her chair.

“Yeah, he’s driving you, unlike some people I drove myself.” She shrugs, becoming uninterested in the conversation. She goes back to talking to Yelena.

The same waitress from before comes back, water in one hand and a beer in the other. She sets them both down in front of you, a smile on her lips the entire time. Her long black hair sways back and forth as she moves around the table. She checks in on the rest of your friends who had just arrived.

“Y/n!” Clint and Tony yell in unison. While Steve greets you more calmly than the others as he claims a seat across from you. You offer a kind smile in return. Your eyes scan over the group that had sat down at your now full table and you notice two faces missing from your group.

“Are Bucky and Dot coming out tonight?” You ask no one in particular. Everyone shares glances and avoids looking in your eyes.

“It’s been so long since you’ve been out with us, we all forgot you didn’t know.” Tony said, eyebrows drawn together and a sympathetic smile on his lips.

“Know what?” you ask, letting your intrigue get the best of you. Sam is the first of your friends to speak up, seeing as he is one of your closest friends the duty fell to him.

“Buck hasn’t been out with us for a while, kid. Once you stopped hanging out with us we started to see less and less of him. Now he rarely hangs out with us.”

Your eyes scan around the table, no one is looking directly at you except for Sam and Nat. You shrug, not seeing the huge deal about the whole thing. It’s his choice not to come out, just like it is your own.

“He’s been distant with us.” Tony adds, hiding behind his drink

“His loss.” You state causally, though deep down you are a bit disappointed. It has been a while since you last saw him, it would be nice to know he is doing well.

-------

Two beers and most of the bar’s nachos later, you’re having a better time than you expected to. You forgot how much fun being around your friends is. You wish you hadn’t been such a child about the whole Bucky thing. You could have been having so much fun had you simply ignored your own feelings instead of dwelling on them.

A group of young girls is on the stage, singing along to some new pop song you have not heard before. They are not the best singers, but you can tell they don’t care. They are having fun and enjoying themselves that is all that matters. The song ends and the crowd, filled mostly with drunk people, clap and cheer as they exit the stage.

Someone’s hand pulls three times on the sleeve of your shirt. Grabbing your attention from the drunk guy who stumbled onto the stage. His friends cheer loudly as he gets ready to sing and someone from the crowd yells happy birthday. Across the bar, you find a table full of young guys and girls. Balloons and streamers decorate the booth. A banner hangs above it, written in bold blue marker reads, ‘Happy Birthday Tom'.

“Y/n, you know what you should do?” Yelena starts and you can tell the alcohol is starting to kick in the tiniest bit. Though she seems to be better at holding her liquor better than some of your other friends. “You should go up there.”

“No, no way. There is no way I’m going up there.” You argue, holding your hands up as if trying to physically stop her idea.

“Come on, it would be so much fun! Plus, if you do it Clint will pay you twenty bucks.” The blond bargains with you, both of your eyes look to where Clint is happily unaware of her idea. A smile spreads across your face.

“Fine, but I’m gonna need one more of these and you’re buying,” you say, waving your empty beer bottle back and forth.

You take your time finishing your beer, your nerves grow larger with each sip. Soon enough, Yelena caught onto what you were doing and yelled at you to drink faster. Well, you think that’s what she was doing. With her switching between Russian and English it was hard to tell what exactly she was trying to say. And Natasha’s so-called “help” did nothing, seeing as she was also speaking in Russian.

“You’re up next,” Sam announces which earns cheers from all your friends. Settling back in his chair, he pats your shoulder offering an encouraging smile. The next four minutes go faster than any other song before. The girl on stage announces your name and you reluctantly walk onto the stage. Your friends cheer you on, which helps ease your nerves. Also, the fact that most of the bar is drunk, the chances of anyone remembering this is not very high.

“Hey Sam, why didn’t you tell her they broke up?” Steve asks from across the table, which gains the rest of the group's attention. Except for Clint who never knows what’s going on. Which usually has to do with the fact that his hearing aids are off about half of the time.

“That’s his job, not mine. I’m not his babysitter.” Sam says curtly.

“He can tell her when he gets here,” Tony tells everyone in the most nonchalant way possible. All eyes are on him, confused by what he means. “I texted him, told him she finally stopped avoiding us," he pauses to correct himself, "Him, and came out for the night.”

“You drunk genius!” Clint shouts

“You’re drunk too, you idiot,” Yelena yells at him. He promptly turns his haring airds back off and mumbles something about being the soberest one there in response to her statement.

“Shut up all of you, she’s singing,” Nat yells at them.

An upbeat melody begins playing over the speakers. A small screen in front of you flashes the lyrics of the song you picked on it. Another second passes and it’s time for you to start singing. You start off quiet, not quite believing in yourself yet.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you,

I've got this feelin' that won't subside

I look at you and I fantasize

You’re mind and tonight.”

Your friends, after being quiet for a while, start cheering you on again. Their support gives you the confidence you need. From in the crowd, Sam yells, “That’s my best friend, y’all, stay jealous.” which causes you to laugh, you collect yourself and keep on singing.

“Now I’ve got you in my sights,

with these, hungry eyes

one look at you and I can’t disguise”

The song continues on and suddenly you feel like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing. Feeling more confident you attempt to do some of the dance moves that you can remember from the movie. You aren’t the best dancer, but you don’t care all that much, you’re having a lot more fun than you thought you would. In fact, you’re almost happy Yelena encouraged you to go on stage.

“I want to hold you so hear me out,

I want to show you what love’s all about

darling tonight.”

The next set of lyrics pop on the screen, not that you need them, you know this song by heart. It’s then the front door swings open and your eyes find a set of steel-blue ones, your heart skips a beat or two, or maybe three. You stutter over the words once or twice before you collect yourself enough to sing the next words.

“I’ve got hungry eyes

I feel the magic between you and I

With these hungry eyes

Now I’ve got you in my sights.”

Lyrics that meant nothing before, now mean a little too much to you. All thanks to Bucky, who had to enter the bar while you were on stage. With your heart pounding a little harder thanks to him, you keep on singing and the crowd keeps cheering. You watch as he chooses to stand a few feet behind your group rather than join them.

“I need you to see

this love was meant to be.”

Your dancing has slowed to a slow sway back and forth, your eyes never leaving Buckys. The music is quieter than before and all you can see is him. You try your best to look away, but it’s too hard when he’s staring at you like that. With his soft and gentle smile and his hair that is so fluffy all you can think about is running your hands through it. At this point, you’re well aware that you are singing to him. What you don't notice is that your friends - and everyone else in the bar - are also well aware of what is happening, and who you are really singing to.

“I feel the magic between you and I.”

“Now I’ve got you in my sights

With my hungry eyes.”

Just like that, as quickly as the song began it ended. The bar fills with applause as you leave the stage. Making a b-line to your friends who are all standing when you reach them, ready to pull you into a hug.

“Dude, that was amazing. I was even considering giving you twenty bucks myself… But I won’t, I’ll let Clint do that.” Yelena says, patting you on the back and leaning her arm on your shoulder.

“I didn’t know you could sing like that.” Steve complements, in his usual awkward manner. You thank him as he pulls you into a small hug.

“Get out of the way losers,” Sam yells from the back of the group, which makes you laugh, “You got some pipes on you, kid. I’m a bit hurt that you never told me, your best friend, that you can sing. But I’ll forgive you this time. All it'll cost you is a pizza.” he says with a wink so you know he’s only kidding, not that he needed to do that. He is your best friend, after all, you know him better than Steve and Bucky do.

Sam pulls you into a huge hug when your eyes meet Bucky’s who is standing behind the group. You turn your eyes away when you go to hug Nat next, “You should probably talk to him.” she whispers into your ear before letting you go and yelling, “Next rounds on me!” Which is the perfect chance to escape. “Waters all around!” You hear her add while walking away, boos erupt from all of your friends and a smile pulls at your lips.

“Hey, wanna get some air?” Bucky asks when you’re close enough to hear him, you nod without hesitating.

It is a bit colder outside from when you first left your apartment, a cold, Autumn breeze blows through your thin blouse. You regret not grabbing your jacket before leaving the bar. In an attempt to gain some warmth, you wrap your arms around yourself.

“Dot and I broke up,” Bucky blurts out, the sudden confession causes you to stop in your tracks. He does too, choosing to stand next to you. “I feel like an idiot about the whole thing if I’m being honest. She said that she couldn’t date me while I am in love with someone else. It took me too long to realize who she meant, when I did, everything else began to make sense in my life again.”

“So, who is it?” you ask, somehow convincing yourself that it can’t be you.

"And I thought I was an idiot." he states, a smug, joking smile on his lips.

Before you have the chance to ask him what he means. His lips crashs into yours and his hand cup your face. The kiss is slow and sweet and everything you ever imagined it would be plus more. It’s the kind that sweeps you off of your feet and steals your breath, and leaves you feeling a little dizzy afterwards. It’s the kind of kiss at the end of a rom-com when the guy finally gets the girl.

“I feel it too,” he says through soft pants, his forehead resting against your own. You hum, silently asking him what he means. “The magic between you and I, I finally feel it. Although it’s about five years overdue.” His words, as cheesy as they might be, are perfect and romantic in every way possible. Your arms wrap around his waist, pulling him closer so that your noses are almost touching.

You’re about to say something when your stomach speaks first, doing it’s best to be as loud as possible. There is a moment of silence between you before you both start laughing. Bucky’s hands fall from your face and down to your shoulders to pull you into his chest. You stand there laughing with your face buried in his chest.

“Let’s go find you some food, yeah?” he asks you, fingers running through your hair. You nod into him, more than happy to find something to eat.

“You never answered my question from before.” You say and you begin to walk to find food, your arm looped around his waist, his around your shoulders. It takes him a moment to realize what you’re talking about when he does he says,

“This girl from work, I've been in love with her since I first saw her.” He teases with a playful smirk on his lips.

“You are really mean, you know that?” You complain, faking a pout. A laugh bubbles in his throat before he plants a kiss onto your head.

“Yeah, but you still like me.” he points out before stopping to shrug off his jean jacket, after he notes the goosebumps littering your skin.

“Can’t have you catchin’ a cold on our first date.” You smile up at him as you walk to the closest pizza shop that is down the street.

[hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall]

Enough is Enough

Steve Rogers x Reader

Chapter Summary: Dating Steve Rogers isn’t as easy as it may seem.

Warning: Angst, Swear words.

A/N: I am on fire! Another late (I’m sorry) challenger, this time for the amazing @captain-kelli​ and her “Stories about strong women” challenge <3 My propmt was: I am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me! Until then, we are done.

GIF not mine! <3

You weren’t the jealous, pissed at everything, type of person. You always tried to listen to two sides of the stories, always wanted to make sure, that if the time comes, you will get angry for a reason. And it didn’t happen that often. You were normally a calm person, trying to avoid the fight. Whether it was at work or your private life.

You always tried to make sure that people that were closest to you felt that. And all you ever asked for was for them to show that they cared. Some simple gestures, something that would make you realise that you were loved. 

When Steve Rogers asked you out one time, you weren’t sure if he was being serious. You were nothing but a humble coffee shop owner, who just enjoyed her job and her books. But when he asked, if he could make you coffee one day, you couldn't help but smile and agree. He was so shy and nervous, that you found it adorable. 

Your first date was perfect. Everything you would expect from a man from the 40s. He was a gentleman, listened to what you had to say, laughed at the right moments, and even brought you flowers. Of course, he seemed nervous, but he tried to hide it as well as he could. And when he nervously asked you if he will see you again, you didn't hesitate to agree for the second date. 

It was a year ago and for the first half a year it was amazing. You both worked great together, he was making you breakfast when you stayed the night, and you always invited him for dinner, when you were able to make one at home. Of course, you had fights, but you were both adult enough to be able to work things out and go on with your lives. After all, your first time together was after one of the biggest fights.

Yes, sex, especially the make-up, angry sex was something amazing. If someone thought that Steve Rogers was a boring vanilla guy, they were totally wrong. Steve knew how to pleasure a woman. He knew what to do and how to do it, for the girl to scream his name. And he was a little cheeky bastard about it. He enjoyed to play with you and hear you beg. 

Yes, Steven Grant Rogers was amazing. In every aspect of it. Well, until he wasn’t. 

Something shifted after the half-year you both been together. More precisely about a month after his birthday, where you made him his favourite apple pie and rented all of the movies he must have seen back at his days. The day was perfect, really, so was the end of that day. But the longer you two been together the longer it seemed forced. He would come back from the mission, write you a text that he was too tired to come, or would just come to get his frustration off. There was no more talking and getting to know one another, no more dreams about the future, and planning how would your little house in Brooklyn look like.

You wondered so long about what you may have done wrong. You replayed every day spent with him, trying to come up with a reason, why he was getting further away from you. It hurt you so deeply because you loved him and you needed him, Him and his love. 

“He got used to you.” Your coworker said once when you spent your entire lunch break in a long monologue about what was wrong with you and your relationship. “It doesn’t matter if he is Captain America or not. He is still a man. He got used to you. To you being there for him and in his life.”

“So what he got tired of me?” You could not believe that your Steve Rogers would be like that. 

“No sweety!” She laughed, giving you a warm smile. “He learned to have you around him. He got accustomed to having you, so he doesn't have to do anything for you to stay by his side. He got used to you. As simple as it is.” Your heart froze at that moment, and as much as you hated to admit it, there was a part of you that believed her. “Well, how about we go out tonight and celebrate your birthday?” You smiled and shook your head. 

“Sorry, Steve was supposed to get out from work earlier. I think he’s planning something.” She nodded and giving you a kiss on the cheek came back to work. 

You followed her some minutes later, trying to get rid of the awful words telling you that Steve really did get used to you. 

**

You were tired. The whole shop was busy almost the whole day, and all you wanted was to go have a long bath and relax. You took a cab home, unable to hide the excitement to see Steve. You weren’t looking for much, just some time alone with him. Something which was missing lately. 

You paid the driver and almost run to the doors, hoping to meet him there. But your big smile and cheerful beating of the heart stopped when you walked to the dark house. 

“Steve?” You shouted, hoping he would be in the other rooms. But no one answered. No one was there. Just you and your pitiful hope for your friend’s words not to be true. You felt tears in your eyes and a sob escaped your mouth. You took your phone, hoping he would at least call or text you, but nothing was waiting for you. Nothing from you. Texts from his friends. His friends, but not him. 

So you did what you were planning to do all day. You got your bath read, with some candles, a book and a glass of wine and relaxed. It was your birthday, no way you would cry on your birthday. Not because of a man. A man you gave your whole heart to. 

**

Steve was tired. Too tired for anything and anyone. He was supposed to get off earlier today and relax for the first time in months. It was Friday and he had to stay this late because some recruits messed up reports. He was pissed and tired. 

“Captain Rogers, have a good night.” AI saw him off and closed all the doors behind him. He looked at his phone and sighed seeing the time. No way he is coming to work tomorrow. Even he wanted some free time from time to time. 

“What the hell are you doing here, punk?” He turned to see Bucky coming out of a gym. It was his ritual. The gym was normally empty in the evenings so he made the best of it. 

“Just finished those stupid reports… Going to take a shower and off to bed.” He sighed and frowned seeing his best friend’s surprise face. “What?”

“Please tell me you remembered?” Steve was starting to get scared at Buck’s tone. “Y/N? It’s her birthday today? Well for the next 3 minutes, I mean.” Steve froze. He has completely forgotten. With all the work that he had in a couple of months, it was a nightmare to get any life outside of the office. He knew he was treating you badly, but he promised himself that when this all will be over he would take out somewhere and pay up for all that lost time. But now he completely fucked up. He looked at his phone once again to check the date and cursed under his nose. “Jesus, Steve!” Bucky hissed visibly pissed at his best friend. “She was already feeling left behind because of your strange behaviour”, Steve frowned, not knowing about that. And since when did you speak to Bucky about your private life. “You better think of something, pal, cause, you’re about to lose her.” Not waiting any longer, Steve went on his bike and drove as fast as he has never driven before. He can’t lose you. No matter what, he can’t. 

**

You jumped when the doors tried to open from the outside. You don’t even remember when you left keys in them, which enabled anyone from opening them from the outside. But yeah, you were really thankful for that now, as you knew very well who it was before his voice boomed. 

“Y/N baby please open up!” he sounded broken, scared and so tired. Your first instinct was to open the doors and console him, but you shook your head. No. You had enough. “Sweetheart it’s after midnight, you don’t want me to wake all your neighbours, right?”

“Go away, Steve!” You hated how hurt your voice sounded. You wanted to be strong and shop him how unaffected you were by his ignorance but you wouldn’t. Your own body betrayed you. 

“I know you’re angry… Baby I know.” This made you even angrier than you thought it was possible. You stood up and opened the doors with anger, meeting his soft, hurt features. 

“You have no fucking clue!” You shouted, not caring about the neighbours anymore. “So don’t give me that bullshit!” You stood there staring at him with so much hatred, so much pain, that the first time every you just didn’t care about his feelings. You turned around and went to your window, trying to relax, not wanting to see his handsome face right now. “You have no idea, so don’t act as you do!” You heard the doors closing and you felt him moving towards you. “Tell me what did I do for you to be so… Jesus Steve! Are you used to me, is that it?!” He frowned not understanding what you mean. “Was I becoming so boring, that you just got used to having me around? I understand Steve… Your job is important, but you promised me so many times that this would not affect us! You would always text me or call to ask how my day went. But it changed. For the past six months, I felt I was here just to feed you and get off your sexual frustration!” His eyes widened and he took a step closer, ignoring your protests.

“Y/N I am so sorry. I never thought this is what you think. I’m sorry for being so distant, for breaking my promise. This job… It’s killing me inside and by mistake, I put on that frustration on you. I’m sorry.”

“It was my birthday today, Steve”, he flinched seeing tears in your eyes. “Even your friends sent me wishes. I would have understood if you’d call me and said that you needed to stay at work. A one stupid phone call. We would do whatever you planned tomorrow. It wouldn't mat…” But you stopped noticing the look on his face. “Oh god, you forgot!” You whispered, your heart, breaking in million pieces. 

“Baby please…”

“No… Don’t call me that!” You turned around and looked him deep into those blue eyes. “I had enough Steve. I had enough of being whatever I am to you. We talked so many times about my insecurities with this relationship. We talked about your work and you always promised me to never make me feel like I feel right now. And here we are…”

“Sweetheart, please…”

“No!” You shouted making him stop in tracks. “I don’t know if you really got used to me and decided to not put any effort into that relationship or something else. But right here, right now I am ending it! I have had enough! Enough of loving you with no gestures back. Enough of sleepless nights wondering what I’ve done for you to get tired of me. I am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me! Until then, we are done.” You noticed how he stirred at your words. 

“No…” He started, tears appearing in his eyes. “No, we are not done. I am not letting you go!” 

“I said that Steve. I am tired of this all. If you decide to change and would want me back… Fight for me… Until then I want you to leave!” 

“I’m not leaving”, he took a step towards you, but you took one away. 

“Fine, then I leave. Just please close the doors behind you!” And with that you shut the doors in his face, ending something you hoped to be forever. 

[sambinnie]

1. Happy Mabon! Every autumn, I forget that the darkness comes clanging down in a great rush in the mornings. One day, I am greeted by a pinking sunrise. 48 hours later, it’s so dark on my run to the river that I have to stop a passing runner and check the time, in case my disturbed sleep sent me dressing and leaving the house at 2am. This summer may not have given us those mornings where it’s so hot I can barely get out of the water, where those early hours feel like full silent days carved out just for me to sit in the light and wait for everyone else to wake up, where the only extra thing I put on to run home is my trainers — I look at my waiting winter gear, neoprene socks and gloves, head torch, two more thickening jumpers, hat, thermal mittens — but every season, every day, is beautiful.

Today we go early for celebrations, and the water is silky, and Orion hangs over us with his phallic sword dangling and Betelgeuse winking on one shoulder. The near-full moon spotlights us and I feel almost ready for the shortening days.

2. Hilary Mantel continues to be a literary god. How does she write with that clarity? How can I ever speak with her calm good sense and wit? 

3. We have two main problems at the moment, as far as I can see. a) What we’re doing (“curating” our lives; twitter spats; purity spirals; division and isolation; wanting ‘debates’ that can only be won or lost; encouraging people to buy more things; trying to buy our happiness; letting marketers tell us how we feel about the world rather than encouraging major moral lessons from throughout the ages to challenge us on our weaknesses; refusing to accept that life is suffering; asking self-care to be a plaster for everything we don’t have) and b) what we’re not doing (joining together to stand against those with more money and power; protecting the people who have even less power and voice than we do as a matter of course; learning from history; protecting nature above all else; prioritising going for walks; learning to repair things and campaigning to make things repairable; having a basic belief in human dignity for all, not just those with whom we agree; accepting that truly, we are all different and no amount of shaming or disgust will change that; working to shape our societies, culture, economies, production, food supplies and communications around improving — not just sustaining — the air, water and land, and fighting to ensure all of those new shapes protect women and children).

Individualism has morphed into something so completely self-destructive that we’ve forgotten we need nature more than anything — literally, more than anything — and we need to unionise and unite and put aside differences and work together even with people we don’t like. 

Because when there are wicked people in power, when it’s genuinely exhausting to think about all the corrupt, venal, toxic, divisive, false, and cruel things they have done since coming to power, those people love to watch everyone below pointing their fingers at one another, saying, You, You’re The Enemy, You’re The Problem, while corrupt populist leaders rub their bellies and chuckle at another promise broken, another mass death on their hands, another building site on a protected forest. Do you understand the stakes here? Do you understand that it’s actual survival? It’s not about being right any more, it’s not about besting someone in the argument. It’s about having decision makers who can not only ensure there is still food to eat and air to breathe, but that relations both within a country and between countries are built on care, and support, and compassion, and believing in human dignity. And while it sounds wishy-washy and hands-clappy it’s the schmaltzy, sentimental truth. It’s the only one, really. 

If we instead continue to believe every single day that my feelings are the most important, that my beliefs are the right ones, that I’ve got to prove those baddies there are evil and awful and wrong, then honestly, what the fuck? If we’re happy to live in a country where hostile architecture is the starting point for all public builds, where we send refugee boats away from our shores, where affiliate links are a career goal, where we haven’t stormed the Daily Mail offices with accounts of all our lovely immigrant friends and family and had a huge feast together and compared our long and tangled family trees, then come on. It’s only a race to the bottom if we all keep running. 

Because, pressingly, whatever the spark of a major global conflict — assassination, fuel shortages, hyperinflation, invasion — the kindling is almost always a populace fed pure hatred for months, for years, until they can’t even taste it anymore but are ready to spew it out again, and are ready to use another populace as the receptacle. And hatred is brewed up in silence and isolation, and in the ashes of bridges burned between disparate groups. 

And on that note, I’m not a conspiracy theorist, mainly because I don’t believe governments are generally competent enough to manage Grand Plans, but it’s annoying that technology and social trends and culture have developed in such a way that no one knocks on anyone’s door for a chat as a matter of course now, that it’s a given that a ringing phone triggers anxiety, that it’s not the norm for cups of tea with your neighbours, that we don’t know each other’s neighbourhoods, that we don’t even talk on the phone, with live words and intonation and synchronised laughter, but in text, in WhatsApp chats, in tapped out words and symbols that we know can be screen-grabbed and misinterpreted, that we know are kept, filtered and sold by the tech companies. It’s not a conspiracy. It’s just a reality that every single one of us can choose to do differently. 

Sometimes exactly the right thing comes along at the right time. All of us here watched About a Boy at the weekend, a film which is so wonkily weighted and oddly rhythmed, but a perfect depiction of everything I’m banging on about here. Hugh Grant’s character likes being alone. He’s happy that way. It suits him. It’s his choice. Then, between one thing and another, he finds himself drawn into a world of a suicidal single mother, a duck-murdering young boy, more single mothers, more tricky teens, plus exes and mothers-in-law and awkward support groups. And it turns out that actually, being with people is better. Being uncomfortable often develops you as a person. Constantly prioritising only yourself produces a waxen, pointless baby. Making shared sacrifices might just be the point of being alive. Remember that to be human is to be flawed. That no one is ever completely right, and no one is ever completely wrong. That the boring stuff makes us feel good, and the glossy stuff, if all we strive for is gloss, doesn’t. 

If you want anything practical, here are the things that have really helped me over the last few years:

Writing a letter or email regularly to my MP, to CEOs of organisations, to anyone I want to communicate my strong feelings and how I’d like things to be done better. Tweeting eats your soul. It’s a horrible myth the media pretends is important. It really, really isn’t.

Inviting people to go in front of me in queues, in traffic, getting on to buses and trains. It lowers my stress levels right down.

Learning the names of my neighbours and people I meet regularly on walks and letting them learn mine. (I definitely haven’t just decided I loathe a neighbour because they cut a bird-hatching tree down in their garden on the last day of the year it was legal to do so. It’s fine.)

Joining a few political parties, and the closest thing I have to a union

Making something, anything — everything can be done with love, and learning to not get sucked into the capitalist conceit of having to make it perfect, sellable, exhibitable is a genuine gift to yourself; making a cake or a film or a coaster and not putting it on social media, letting it be ugly or serviceless and loving it anyway. I felt extremely overwhelmed the other evening, but instead of doom-scrolling I knitted a… I don’t know, something flat and woollen, and it helped to have my hands and eyes working on directionless introspective creation. 

Trying to stop hating. Every time I want to tell a negative story in my head about someone, I attempt to turn it into something positive: how unhappy that person must be, what they must be missing out on. It’s so nauseatingly Pollyanna-ish, and of course it isn’t always successful, and of course every single day brings a hundred thousand examples of cruelty and injustice and wickedness, but the alternative only makes my life feel worse, so why would I indulge that? 

Teaching myself the names of birds, trees, flowers, clouds and constellations. I’m still at the most basic levels on all of these, but the difference one feels in the world when you can name things  — let alone use them and know their stories — is a very real sort of magic. (For that reason I hope to read this book very soon.) This episode of The Cut is also good on the wonder and power of learning the names of the weeds that grow in your nearest pavement crack. 

4. Creating anything is always a gamble, isn’t it, but writing a book you actually like for once and seeing it slowly and beautifully sink to the bottom of a river never to be seen again is ever so slightly crushing. However, it turns out even Thom Yorke feels that way, so I am comforted. 

5. I’m sure I’ve mentioned plenty of these before, but if you want some suggestions of where to find joy, here are my favourites from the last year or so:

I was given Lucy Easthope’s book, When the Dust Settles, for work recently, and I was surprised and delighted to discover the most uplifting, hopeful, human and rightfully angry book I’ve read in a long time. Do yourself a favour and preorder it. I bought this other book for my own birthday, gave it to a housemate to give to me, forgot about it, and was delighted to later unwrap He Used Thought As A Wife. Laughed a lot, cried twice. Marvellous. 

Now even the youngest housemate here can recite John Finnemore sketches and sing the songs. Has also taught them various composers, gods, logical fallacies and gothic story tropes. Also v funny. Oh, Kate Beaton! Her two books (Hark! A Vagrant and Step Aside Pops) are a bit like a comic-book version of Finnemore, but swearier and sexier and utterly unsuitable for all the housemates who have read it and been educated about the Brontes, Katherine Sui Fun Cheung, Tom Longboat, Nancy Drew, Ida B. Wells, Sacagawea, and the Borgias. 

Had to give Inside a restraining order against me for the sake of us all, but Bo Burnham’s Eighth Grade is a masterpiece of writing, acting, sound design and optimism. Spy is dumb action comedy polished to perfection, and Yasujirō Ozu’s Good Morning seems like the inspiration for almost all US arthouse films since 1990, and is also beautiful, funny, thoughtful, and good. 

Taylor Swift’s Evermore, like all brilliant albums, isn’t completely perfect. But most of the songs are. And Hole’s classic Live Through This is still just ideal for turning up very, very loud after a tricky day, for the enjoyment of any neighbours who may have hacked down a bird-friendly tree on the last day of February. 

Watched both series of Liam Williams’ Ladhood when I had a week off this summer, and really relished the location, the intention, and the writing. More please. 

Miles Jupp and Justin Edwards continue to be my comforting bedtime listening in In and Out of the Kitchen. Has it ruined Nigel Slater for me? Well, a bit, but no more than any of us deserved. 

I thought this would be a book I’d mumble through the first chapter of, then let get buried in my To Read pile, never to re-open. Instead, I found Whatever Happened to Margo? laugh-out-loud funny, drily written, and full of humanity. Excellent Women has made me want to read everything written by Barbara Pym, a goal I am slowly but surely working towards. 

6. I’ve spent the last few years trying to find hazelnut trees, and finally found a copse between a car park and a play area, full of nuts the squirrels hadn’t noticed. Now I’ve found them, the spell has been cast and I see hazel trees everywhere, on walks and on pavements and running along motorway slip roads. A tray of green and brown frilled hazelnuts now dries with the laundry. They are so beautiful. 

[carolineworld]

sorry another one too 😅💕, zoenne & “I want the K”

Never say sorry for making me happy sending me a fanfic request, never. Thank you so much for this ❤💕

So the “I want the K” means the following: send me two characters and “I want the K” and I’ll generate a number for them! So I have decided to choose 1/7/11 for this zoenne prompt request.

1: Passionate kiss // 7: Goofy kiss // 11: Nose kiss  Zoë x Senne 

With Christmas being around the corner and the family meetings and traditions about to begin, they all have decided to meet up, do a small Christmas party together. As a tradition, they all gathered around Zoë and Milan’s apartment with drinks, foods, and their Secret Santa presents, ready to party and have fun before the holidays start. 

The flat looks so nice, all decorated for the occasion with little lights and garlands all over the place. Snow globes and small figures decorate the tree that very carefully the two roommates put up together, with a shiny gold star on top. 

Warm wine, all sorts of drinks, and a big chocolate pot and marshmallows decorate the table. The candy bar with all types of sweets is currently being emptied, as the guest prefers the sweet over the savory plater with veggies and chips that Zoë has prepared. A mix of Christmas carols and fun upbeat songs sound in the background, as several groups of people talk while other dance happily. 

It’s such a great party that everyone’s enjoying and having fun, and Zoë can’t be happier. This time last year she was partying in the same place, the same celebration going on, but the feeling was off. The was something -more like someone- missing and the happiness was not as high as it is tonight. Tonight no one isn’t happy, no one that isn’t smiling and having fun.

She looks around and all she can see is pure happiness. Noor, Britt, and Amber are talking while drinking the hot chocolate she carefully prepared with Sander’s help earlier. Speaking of Sander, he’s having what it looks like a dancing competition with Aaron and Moyo while Jens and Robbe look at them in a combination of embarrassment and amusement.

A laugh escapes from her lips as she ‘denies’ with her head, having a hard time keeping herself quiet so they don’t notice her laughing at them. 

“Careful, pretty girl” a very busy Milan warns her, having his hands full of refilled candy bowls that their friends have been enjoying. 

A big smile appears on her face. She’s so grateful she has found him. Every time she looks at him she’s more and more sure that Milan is a Guardian Angel sent from heaven. He has helped every single person he saw it needed help, without searching for anything in return. He is the most selfless person she has ever met. An older brother, a parent figure, and the best friend she could ask for. 

One of the bowls that Milan was bringing end up in Jana’s hands, eating the candy inside like popcorn as she listens to whatever Yasmina is saying. Her best friend is finally back for the holidays, after spending more than two months in New York, and she cannot be happier. Her video calls and endless text messages are not enough when all you need is one of her hugs. And she thought that the month and a half of ‘distance relationship’ she had to do with Senne in lockdown were hard. Ha! Silly you, Zoë, she tells herself. Nothing will top the sadness and loneliness that you feel when your best friend is far away from you.

Luckily, Yasmina, Amber, Robbe, Milan, and Senne were there for her. She cannot thank the world enough for giving her these amazing people, and those who came with them, for loving her unconditionally and support her every step of the way.

Now that she notices, something is going on. She sips on her non-alcoholic gin tonic that Senne made her as she suspiciously looks at the little group formed of her boyfriend and two best friends talking way too secretive, as they stopped talking when Milan approached them, and they keep looking at her without any reasonable explanation.

On that couch on the other side of the room, and very far away from the bleach blonde girl, a very important conversation is going on. With the breakup and the ‘let’s try to not have contact with each other as much as possible’, Senne hasn’t been able to celebrate almost anything with his girlfriend. Not Christmas, not neither of their birthdays or even Valentines’s Day. And now that they are back together and with no plans of breaking up ever again, he’s excited to continue with the celebrations.

Last November they celebrated six months since they got back together. It was a private ‘celebration’, as Zoë said that last time they celebrated a six month anniversary they broke up a bit afterward, and thought they would have bad luck again, so they decided to go to dinner and spend the night in Senne’s apartment, celebrating their own way. And now Christmas is coming up and Senne has big plans for her gift, but he needs help and approval.

That’s why he is talking to the two people that know Zoë best, after him of course. He knows how important Yasmina and Jana are to Zoë and he wants to make sure that what he has planned is something he will know she will like. He would talk to Milan, but he doesn’t know how to keep a secret and everyone would know the next day, so better be safe and tell the girls than sorry because of Milan.

“I think the Christmas trip to Bruges is a good idea, she will like it” Yasmina smiles, and Senne is happy. At first, he thought that a trip would be too much, specially after the Museum and concert tickets he also planned to give her, along with a small and delicate coin pendant necklace with their initials engraved on it.

They all laugh as chocolate-covered peanuts fly out of Jana’s mouth, as she was trying to fit too many and forgot about them while talking. When everyone is calmed down and everything is as clean as possible, Jana answers: “Yeah, I think it’s a good idea, too”

“What is a good idea?” A curious Zoë asks, surprising them all. They look at each other not knowing what to say. 

“Nothing,” Senne says quickly as a nervous smile shines on his face, while the girls keep quiet and Zoë is looking at them suspiciously.

The couple locks eyes, challenging each other to see who is going to give up earlier. Senne has a secret to keep, a type of secret that is better to keep, and Zoë knows something is up and is determined to discover it.

“I think Amber is calling us over there, so we will leave you two alone, right Jana?” After a few looks and some gentle slaps on her arm, Jana finally agrees and they leave them alone.

As Senne’s nervousness starts to rise, Zoë thinks about a plan to make him speak. Her mother one time told her that women are powerful if they use their tributes the right way and even though she highly disagrees with that sexist statement, in this type of situation, it’s not a bad idea.

Without any explanation, Zoë sits seductively in his lap, playing with the back is his hair while biting her bottom lip. If the central heating of the apartment wasn’t enough, now he certainly is a bit too hot.

“Baby?” Hot air from her whisper touches his ear and he has to physically stop himself from reacting, so she won’t know that she is indeed making him weak. How could she not? She is his biggest weakness.

Swallowing hard, he answers a quick “Yeah” while trying to think about something to distract him. Thankfully, Robbe and Sander are teasing Aaron and it’s useful enough to make him forget about the gorgeous lady he has in his lap.

“Remember when we agreed to communicate and tell the other one everything?” She is feeling herself, so she comes close to his lips and before kissing him she adds: “Well, I think right now you are not telling me everything”

Hopefully, and he doesn’t care that it sounds bad, he has time to think of his excuse while she’s kissing him. He should be enjoying the kiss. Zoë is not a passionate kisser, especially in public, so the fact that they are basically making out in front of everyone and he’s not enjoying it fully because his girlfriend is too noisy is such a shame.

“Are you going to tell me what were you talking about with my friends?”

Thank god he still has some brain cells that haven’t been affected: “Oh your friends? They are not my friends, too?” Now is his time to smirk at her, and distracting her from the secret that is her Christmas gifts. 

“They were my friends first, then yours, but they were mine first.”

“Possessive, huh?” He lifts his eyebrows, smirking at her sassy face, as she’s, without succeeding, trying to make an angry face.

“You are not going to distracting me, you are keeping something from me” Oh, her stubborn girl, he’s going to have to try hard to not say anything.

“It’s nothing bad, I promise. But you cannot know, at least not yet.”

If her trying to be seductive didn’t work, she doesn’t know what will. She considers herself a pretty normal girl, but when she’s with him, when Senne looks at her, she feels so powerful and unstoppable. So the fact that that didn’t work, the fact that with a bit of seduction she didn’t make him spill whatever secret he’s keeping from her, it's a bit upsetting.

So she tries to do what she thinks will work: tickle him. At first, he laughs, doesn’t talk, or confesses tho, just laughs and tries to escape. It’s all fun and giggles when she remembers that he is stronger than her and that it’s a matter of seconds when he realizes that he can beat her. 

And as if they were connected, Senne finally realizes that he can beat her, and gently blocks her hand from his ribcage to blow raspberries into her neck, making it her time to laugh.

“I promise you, on my life, that it’s nothing bad. It’s one of those things you need to know at a certain time, that’s why I can’t tell you right now, cause it’s not the right time to do so. Okay?” he can see her physically gasp for air, just to make the fakest thinking face ever. “Do you trust me?”  

Her face softens, the brightest and sweet smile appearing on her face. She sits up, as she was in his lap, and sits on the couch next to him. Grabbing his big hand in her tiny ones, she looks at him while rubbing her thumb against his hand. “I do, I trust you”.

“Good” With how she’s sitting on the couch and the noticeable height difference they have, giving her a kiss on the lips is quite a difficult task, as the kiss that was supposed to end up in her lips ends in her nose, causing an adorable giggle to escape both their mouths.

“You missed”

“Maybe, maybe not” The sight that is her eyes shining in love is definitely one of his favorite things, right after how their hearts seem to beat at the same time when they kiss.

Prompt from the But do you REALLY want the K? list.

[korra-the-red-lion]

Unnatural Affairs. Chapter 16: Are You Crazy?

(Ally + Lyn + Michael)

Michael.

The text I received that morning was the most wonderful thing in the world.

The test results were in.

I got out of bed quickly, making sure to text the group chat before heading out the door. If I was being honest, I wasn’t actually that excited to know what the results were, but at least we might a confirmation of some sorts that will help us with the case! I threw on my heavy jacket and dashed out the door, not even caring about how early it was.

Making my way across campus towards the lab, I wondered what it was that we would find. Would the slime sample actually be human DNA? What if there was nothing at all? What if this had all been for nothing. I really hoped it wasn’t the last one. I still had really wicked headaches every now and then, and I’m pretty sure Lyn’s arm was going to scar from those nasty claw wounds. Not that I had the guts to tell her that.

I quickly unlocked the door to the lab and walked in, smiling when I saw Lamar already waiting for me. Lamar was the 3rd year who I had mentioned liked me who would probably help us out, and I was glad that I was right about that. I clapped him on the back and leaned against the counter, practically vibrating with energy.

“What’s the news, bud?” I asked.

“Like I texted you, the results came back,” he said as he reached for the tablet. “Something that I found interesting, however, was this.” He pointed to one of the results on the screen.

I looked at them with interest, instantly noticing that there was more than one DNA result. Now, that wouldn’t be totally unusual had this been a normal situation, because only God knows what could be on the wall of a locker room, but the fact that I had pulled the sample from a very small and specific site should have meant that there was very little to no contamination. However, I could see that there were at least 3 different results.

The first one wasn’t too surprising, belonging to one Jackie Park. That was the girl who got attacked by that freaky monster. The second one belonged to someone named Fredrik Moore, which wasn’t too surprising because Ally just told us about him the other day. It was the third result that was startling to me, because I didn’t recognize it at all. The DNA belong to someone named Jerimiah Kinkly. It was only after staring at the name for several minutes that it clicked. Kinkly. Like Professor Kinkly?!

“Thanks for this, Lamar,” I said, not taking my eyes off the screen. “Can you email this to me?”

“Absolutely,” he said, quickly doing just that.

I was just about to bolt to go tell Ally about this in person, when he reached over to grab my wrist. I looked over to him in question.

“What is this all about?” he asked, hand waving at the tablet. “I agreed to help, but this seems a lot deeper than a simple science project.”

“If I could tell you, I would,” I gently removed his hand from my wrist. “Unfortunately, there is nothing I could say that could make this make sense.”

Concern crossed over his face. “Is this dangerous, Michael? Is that how you ended up with that horrible concussion?”

I tried to go for an easy smile, but I think it came out more like a grimace. “Seriously, man, don’t worry about it. Everything is under control.” I hated lying to anyone, but especially my friends. The look of disbelief on Lamar’s face was almost enough to make me spill the beans, but I couldn’t do that to Ally.

“If you say so…” he looked extremely unsure as he stepped away, crossing his arms together. “Just be careful, Michael. No one here wants to see you get hurt again.”

“I’ll do my best,” I promised. I left after that, feeling like a weight just got added to my chest. I honestly couldn’t believe how deep this whole thing had gone. It started as wanting to help figure out who attacked an innocent student to evolving into solving the murders of several different people at this school.

The sad part was thinking of how no one looked into the mysterious circumstances of their deaths. Each time they agreed it was just suicide. Did no one think to ask why a student who just finished his exams would jump to his death? No one questioned the graphic nature of another student’s death? It was just another example of how terrible our policing system was. They were too willing to take the easy answer.

I looked over to the tree where Dahlia Cressman’s spirit resided. Why were there so many dead people on this campus? The thought of that alone was unsettling. It was almost as unsettling as knowing that the murderer was still on campus, with Ally dropping that bomb on us this morning. I would never tell my mom that she was right for saying that this wasn’t a safe school, but damn was she right. I would have to get her a really nice gift for her birthday to let her know.

I glanced at my phone, wondering if there was enough time for us to meet before class. I knew that my class started at 9:30, and Ally had a class at 9:30 as well. I didn’t know Lyn’s schedule but it was clearly busy so she usually couldn’t meet with us until the evening or on Fridays. At the very least, I could tell Ally before our respective classes.

I managed to catch her at meal hall, where she was working her way through some peanut butter toast. I slid in next to her, and she looked over in mild surprise.

“Hey, Michael,” she said through a mouth full of toast.

“Hey, did you see my text?”

She nodded, covering her mouth with a hand. “I did, yeah. Did you get to see them already?”

“Yes!” I pulled the email up, showing the results to her.

Ally’s brow furrowed in concern as she slowly read it over. Her lip curled inwardly as she looked away, clearly thinking deeply. I gave her a minute to work through her thoughts before asking her what she was thinking about.

“It’s just something…” she pulled open her bag as she muttered under her breath. Ally pulled out the notebook that she’s been writing all the case notes in, reading it over quickly. Finally, she let out a small gasp.

“What is it?” I asked, looking over her shoulder. Her handwriting was so messy in the book, and I wasn’t sure where to look for the shocking note that she jotted down that was causing her reaction.

“Dahlia told me something a while ago, but so much as happened since then,” she explained quickly, flipping through the book, “that I forgot about it. She told me that there was two people in the Athletic Centre, but that one of them had died when the campus had been first built or sometime before it. The other, who I bet money on is Fiona Moore, resided there since she died. Here where it doesn’t make sense, because your results suggest that her brother is one of the spirts there. So why is there another person? Kinkly? Is his related to our Drama prof? And why didn’t Dahlia tell me there were three people there?” She ran her hand through her hair, blowing her breath out in frustration through pursed lips.

“Maybe she didn’t know?” I suggested.

“Maybe…” she mumbled. “Still, I think I’d better check with her.”

“Good idea,” I said. “Why don’t we do that later?”

She nodded firmly. “Sounds like a plan. We can get Lyn, and all go together. Even if you guys can’t see her, I think it’s better if you’re there for this.”

“Okay,” I said. “But make sure this doesn’t consume you all day, yea’?”

“I’ll try my best but make no promises.”

“Good enough for me.”

We left shortly after that, heading to our classes. Though I told her not to overthink it, I ended up mulling it over all throughout Finite Math. There was so much going on, and it was starting to feel like there was no end to this rabbit hole. If this little bit was getting to me, I wondered how Ally was coping with this all?

XXX

Lyn.

I think I was starting to dissociate a bit.

I was sitting at my usual table before practice, my textbook open in front of me but I was staring off into space. My lack of proper sleep was catching up to me, and the weekend just made everything so much worse. I should have just asked Olivia if she wanted to do something alone with me instead, but the choice had been made, so I had to live with the consequences.

I had music playing, but even with my headphones on it sounded far away. I whacked my knee before sitting down, and while I was aware that it should hurt, it didn’t really feel like anything. I only felt like this a couple of times before, so I knew it was pretty bad. Maybe I should try talking to that woman again, the mental health lady. I couldn’t even remember her name.

I saw the texts from Michael and Ally, but I had no energy to answer them. I just had stared blankly at them before putting my phone face down, so I didn’t have to see them anymore. Now here I was, staring up at the ceiling, wondering how much longer it was until practice was. But my brain felt like it was in a fog, I had no real concentration. Finally, I gave up on pretending I was doing work. I packed it all away and headed for the pool.

When I got there, no one else was around just yet. That was okay with me. I changed into my swimsuit and pulled on my sweatpants. I walked to the pool slowly, hoping that the feeling would soon go away. The heat of the pool was there, but it didn’t do much for me. I couldn’t really feel it. I just starting do my warmup exercises when I heard the voices of the others starting to drift in.

Sit up. Hold. Down. Repeat. Going through the motions of the crunches wasn’t doing much for me. It didn’t even feel like I was doing anything. I was looking up at the ceiling of the pool when Loryn’s face appeared over mine, concern etched in her features.

“Hey,” I said dully.

“Hey,” she echoed softly. “Can I sit with you?”

I nodded, not making any effort to move from my spot. I was pretty sure the others were coming over to see what was going on, but Loryn shooed them away.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” Loryn asked gently, her hand hovering over mine. I nodded again and shuddered when the warmth of her hand covered mine. It was the first sensation I had since Ally grabbed my hand yesterday. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” my voice sounded so tired to my own ears.

“What’s going on, Lyn? Can you tell me?”

“You’re being very nice to me,” I noted dryly.

“You’re avoiding the question,” she said firmly.

I sighed heavily, feeling a little bit of tension leave my body. “I’m processing some shit.”

Loryn frowned. She ran her thumb over my hand, her eyes crinkled in thought. “Processing what? Does it have something to do with your weekend home?”

I’m not sure why, because it wasn’t funny at all, but I laughed. I laughed so hard that I couldn’t breathe, my hand covering my face. Loryn’s hand squeezed mine, but she waited until I stopped before saying anything.

“Lyn?” The concern was so obvious in her voice, it made me feel sick to my stomach.

“Yeah, something happened,” I said bitterly. “I fucking hate going home because everything is shit. Leigh and I got into it with one another and mum is a fucking sociopath who gets sick enjoyment watching us all squirm as she bullies us. I shouldn’t have gone but I had this insane notion that maybe, just maybe if I did, I could fix my stupid broken relationships with my sisters at least! But here I am, miserable because I was a bloody optimist, and I got burned for it. I can’t sleep a full night’s sleep and haven’t been able to since before what happened to Jackie and I just want it all to stop!”

My chest was heaving, and my eyes were prickly, but I felt a little bit better after getting it all out. I refused to remove my hand from my eyes, instead opting to lie there with my eyes closed tight.

“What…what do you mean?” Loryn’s voice sounded hesitant. “You want what to all stop?”

“I dunno…” I took a deep breath to stop myself from shaking. “I’m just so fucking exhausted, Loryn. I don’t think I can keep going like this.”

Loryn reached over, taking my hand off my face. I cracked open a single eye, only to shut it again when I saw the look of fear in her eyes. “No, Lyn, please look at me,” she said quietly.

So, I did. I opened my eyes and looked over at my friend, whose face was twisted up with conflicting emotions. Why did I always feel sick when someone looked at me that way? I didn’t need them to pity me more or anything. I know that’s not what Loryn was doing at all, but it felt that way.

“Lyn,” she started softly, “I need you listen to what I’m saying, okay? You have to relax. No more pushing yourself to the limits. I am your friend, and I’m saying this because I care about you so much, but it’s fucking ridiculous how much pressure you’re putting on yourself. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone, not anymore. You’ve shown how bright you are, how caring you are, and how much effort you put into everything. Forget them and focus on you.”

I stared into her eyes and a realization came to me slowly. Loryn cared about me, this I knew. But the reason why I always felt sick when I saw someone looking at me that way was because no one ever looked at me like that while growing up. Someone actually giving a shit about me was so alien to me that I reacted negatively each time I saw it.

“Focus on me…?” I repeated slowly, my own voice unsure. I sat up a little, blinking rapidly. “Loryn, I’m not sure how to do that.”

Loryn smiled at me, with a small shake of her head. “I know, you dumbass. That’s why we’re here for you. You just have to tell us what you need, okay?”

What I need? I looked around, taking in the sights around me for the first time. I saw Andrew standing nearby, twisting his cap in his hands in a fit of nervous energy. Kerry and Matt stood close enough that they could be there right away, both looking worried. Tammy and Emma sat on the blocks, talking to each other but clearly keeping an eye on me. Maddie was making sure that Will didn’t make his way over at all. I shifted to my knees, feeling overwhelmed with feelings. I…how could I be so blind? These idiots were here for me last year, yet I was so wrapped in my own drama that I never noticed it, but I could see it clearly now. We were family, like Coach Jacob said at the start of the season. These people, they were here for me, if I needed it. Just like we were for Gunner. Just like we were for Jackie.

“Loryn…I-” I choked. I was shaking as I reached over, pulling her into a crushing hug. “I need help,” I practically whispered the last part.

She reached up, running her hand through my hair. “I know, Lyn, I know. We’ve got you.”

Next thing I knew, they were all there. The whole thing was so overstimulating, and I felt myself dissociating again, but that was fine. I sat there under their smothering hugs, staring off into space again. Help, that’s what I needed. Someone who I could talk to about everything, all the abuse, all the impossible expectations. I knew deep down it wasn’t going to be easy for me, these kinds of things never were. We were always told that people who needed metal health help were weak, because they were unable to cope with ‘daily stressors’ but I knew this wasn’t true. I saw Ally, how she dealt with all the shit life threw at her, but it didn’t make her weak. If anything, Ally was stronger than I ever could be.

I closed my eyes, resting my head on Loryn’s shoulder. Right now, I felt weak. And that was okay.

XXX

Ally.

Now I promised Michael I wasn’t going to be obsessive all day about this, and I think for the most part I kept that promise. Key word being most.

It’s just that the whole thing was extremely concerning and interesting to me. I truly believed that Dahlia didn’t keep something from me intentionally, which led me to believe that she really wasn’t aware of Fredrik’s presence in the locker room. Which led me wondering how he managed to escape her notice. Like I’ve said before, somehow answers always ended up leading to more questions. It was a wonder how I haven’t torn my hair out yet in frustration.

I looked down at my notebook, filled with all the information that the others and I have gathered so far. The most shocking piece of the puzzle was this Jeremiah Kinkly fellow. There was a very slim chance that he wasn’t related to our dreadful Drama professor. How was Professor Kinkly connected in all of this? Was he even? Was it merely coincidence that this name showed up at all? I was starting to get a headache from all of thoughts buzzing around in my head.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I never even noticed when this guy approached my table. He rapped his knuckles against the hardwood, causing me to jump in surprise. I looked up at him, blinking in confusion.

“Yes?”

He smirked at me, making my stomach flipped uncomfortably. “Hey, babe, I was wondering if I could sit with you? There’s no available seats.”

Babe? Excuse me? I looked around and noticed there were several empty seats. I turned back to him, raising an eyebrow in question. “Actually, I’m pretty sure there are a bunch around. Maybe take a second look?”

“Well,” he drawled, leaning down into my space, “I just wanted to sit with a hot girl like you. Is that okay?”

I shook my head, really taking this guy in. He had dark hair that was combed back and hawkish features. He was good looking, but I couldn’t shake the predatory feeling I was getting off of him. It was making me uneasy.

“Sorry?” He looked shocked. “Are you actually saying no to me? You know there’s nothing stopping me from sitting here if I wanted to, right? Stop being a bitch.”

“Stop being a bitch?!” I stood up, glaring at him fiercely. “I’m not being a bitch because I don’t what some asshole sitting with me!”

Whatever he was going to say next was cut off when someone angrily said, “Derek, get the fuck away from her, you creep.”

I looked behind me to see Lyn and Loryn standing behind me, anger in their eyes. I have to admit, while I felt I had this under control, seeing Lyn glaring at this guy and protecting me had a certain sexiness to it.

“Lyn!” He went from annoyed to smarmy in a flash. “How have you been doing, sexy?”

“None of your business,” she snarled at him, fury in her eyes. “I’m pretty sure I made it clear I didn’t want to have anything to do with you anymore. Now, don’t you have someone else to bother? Where’s Poppy at?”

The guy, Derek, shrugged lazily. “Dumped her a while back. She was fun for awhile, but she was looking for something more committed. I wasn’t about to do that for her. Anyway, I’m not sure why you give a damn who I talk to, so I’m pretty sure this chick here is free game.”

“I’m not a piece of property!” I snapped.

When Derek didn’t step away, both Lyn and Loryn stepped closer so they were beside me. Derek sized us all up, and maybe after seeing how much more fit the two swimmers were, decided it wasn’t worth the fight. He shrugged away, running a hand through his hair.

“Whatever,” he grumbled. “Forgot what a cunt you could be, Lyn.”

Lyn’s face coloured with anger, but it was Loryn who shoved a hand into his chest. “I never fucking want to hear you speak to Lyn or any other girl like that again, you bastard,” she growled menacingly. “If I do, you’ll regret ever making an enemy of Loryn Frasier.”

He rolled his eyes and finally walked away, clearly making the right decision in not saying anything else. After he was fully out of our sights, Loryn looked over her shoulder at me.

“You okay?” she asked.

I nodded. “Thanks. I think I had it under control, but the help was appreciated.”

“Yeah, sorry,” said Lyn, looking bashful. “I figured you were okay, but Derek is awful. Even looking at him makes my skin crawl. We saw what was happening and just reacted.” She tugged at her ear, staring down at her shoes.

“Who was he anyway?”

“My ex,” sighed Lyn. “One of them, anyhow.”

“Seriously one of the worst decisions you’ve ever made in your entire life,” commented Loryn.

“Shut up, I know.”

That was Lyn’s ex? Ugh, he was a piece of work. I scowled in his direction one last time before moving on. It was one bad conversation, hopefully it wouldn’t happen again. Shaking my head, I looked over to the two of them. Loryn caught my eye and patted Lyn on the shoulder, pulling her close. She whispered something, which Lyn nodded to. Sparing her friend one last thoughtful look, Loryn waved goodbye to us as she left us alone.

We stood there silently for a few seconds as Lyn continued to look down at her shoes. She seemed a little less tense than she did yesterday, but she looked even more tired. I tapped my shoe against hers, knocking her out of her thoughts.

She looked up, our eyes meeting. I smiled at her, and eventually she smiled back. Not one of those fake smiles that she’s been using, but a real one. It was small, but it was there. And, there was a brightness to her eyes that hadn’t been there in a while.

“Sorry I didn’t answer your text,” she said almost shyly. “I was processing some stuff. I’m feeling a little better, so I wanted to see what you wanted in person.”

“Only if you’re feeling better,” I said.

“Honestly, I still feel like shit,” she snorted. “But I made a breakthrough. I’m not feeling fantastic, but I’m feeling well enough that I could come and be here for you tonight.”

“If you’re sure,” I nodded. “I just wanted you and Michael to be here when I spoke to Dahlia Cressman tonight. I’m hopeful we’ll get some answers.”

We started walking out of the library. Lyn had a thoughtful look on her face, but I was hesitant to push her for her thoughts, so I didn’t ask what was on her mind. We walked over to the tree where Michael was already waiting for us, shivering from the cold. He perked up when he recognized us in the dark.

“Thank God you’re here,” he said to me as we approached. “People kept staring at me.”

“Welcome to my world,” I laughed.

“Soooo, what’s the plan?” he asked, looking over at the tree. Lyn and I looked over as well.

“I’m hopefully going to get some answers,” I declared.

“Answers for what, Ally?”

The air pressure changed as Dahlia appeared in front of me, her arms crossed with a disinterested look. Instinctively, Michael stepped closer to me, hand going to my shoulder. For his comfort or mine, I wasn’t sure. If Lyn noticed the difference in the air, she didn’t show it. She was staring at the tree with curiosity, rocking on the balls of her feet.

“Hi, Dahlia,” I said cheerfully.

“I hope for both of our sake’s you’re not trying to press more answers out of me that I cannot give,” she said coolly.

Using my free arm that wasn’t currently being used as a crutch, I pulled out my notebook. I flipped to the page I was looking forward, with the information with Fiona and Fredrik Moore. I held it up so she could read it clearly. Her eyes skimmed the page, the curiosity lighting up in her eyes. She looked at me when she was finished, tilting her head.

“What’s this all about?”

“See, that’s where it gets interesting,” I said, flipping to the page with what she told me about the Athletic Centre. “See here? This is what you told me after we got back from the hospital. You told me that there were two spirits currently lingering there. However, these recent DNA results,” I pulled out the printed results, “suggest to us that there are three lingering attachments. I was hoping you would know anything about that.”

Dahlia stared at me for a couple of minutes, her face carefully controlled to show nothing. Then she broke out in a mischievous grin, amusement twinkling in her eyes.

“Doesn’t it feel better once the pieces start to fit together nicely?” Dahlia looked at all three of us, the grin still in place. “When I told you that there were two spirits haunting the Athletic Centre, I wasn’t being dishonest. Technically, there are only two lingering attachments. But see, there is where it gets a little tricky, Ally. Tell me, what are the names you have?”

“Uh, Fiona and Fredrik Moore, and Jeremiah Kinkly.”

Dahlia nodded. She stepped back, leaning against the tree. “Fiona is correct. I remember the day she died, very tragic. Jeremiah as well, though I wasn’t there for his death. He died during the construction of the campus. You can look into that, darling, but according to the others he fell from the building when the windows were being put in. Fredrik, on the other hand, is not a lingering spirit.”

“Huh?” I was confused. How did that make any sense? The other two looked over, and Michael squeezed my shoulder.

“What did she say? I can hear whispers on the wind but I’m not picking up any words,” he whispered, eyes darting around the area.

I quickly recapped what she told me. Michael rubbed his chin in thought, while Lyn glanced over to where Dahlia was. I looked over too, noticing for the first time Dahlia was staring at Lyn intently. That was strange. Dahlia must have realized I caught her staring, because she looked away, her face giving nothing away. I made a mental note of that.

“What does that mean?” Lyn asked, turning her attention to me.

“I’m not sure,” I replied honestly. “Can you tell me what that means, Dahlia?”

Dahlia’s eyes flickered to me as she nodded. “He was brought here against his will. He made peace with his death, but something brought him back. That monster was in fact him, transformed by the person who forced him back into the world of the living.”

I covered my mouth in horror. I read about that recently. Someone could try to bring a spirit back, but unless they had the proper training to do it safely, the results could be disastrous. Is that what happened? Who would do that? My stomach was churning with discomfort even at the thought of someone doing something so irresponsible. Taking a deep breath, I recalled what she just told me to the others.

“That’s…that’s so horrible!” Michael squeaked out, fear constricting his throat. Lyn pressed her hands to her ears, just shaking her head.

“We have to go back…” I whispered, staring at Dahlia, who nodded when I said that.

“Go back where?” Lyn asked, giving me a skeptical look.

I hesitated before swallowing my fear. “The locker room, we have to go back.”

“Are you crazy!” Lyn shook her head in disbelief. “Remember what happened last time we went there? I fucking do, that’s for sure.”

“Yea’, is that really the best idea, Ally?” Michael added, his face pale with fear.

I nodded slowly, “Yes, I’m sure. We need to talk to Fiona, for real this time. I understand if you guys don’t want to go with me, I really do. I can go alone.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” snapped Lyn, flicking my forehead. I rubbed the spot as she crossed her arms. “Of course, I’ll go with you. Just know I think this is incredibly idiotic.”

I smiled at her, and she smiled back. I looked over at Michael, who gave me a heaving sigh. “I’m going too, obviously. I just get to complain the whole time. Also, I’m calling dibs on being the one who doesn’t get concussed this time.”

“Deal,” I laughed, reaching over to give him a hug.

I have to admit, this is a great relief. I really didn’t want to go into this alone, and it meant the world to me that they were willing to come with me, even with what happened last time. It was nice, this feeling. The feeling of no longer being alone. It was enough to make me tear up, but I quickly swiped at my eyes so they didn’t notice. Obviously I wasn’t sneaky enough, because Lyn silently reached down and took my hand into hers, rubbing her thumbs against my knuckles in comfort.

“Is that everything, then?” Dahlia asked, boredom lacing her words.

“For now, it is,” I smiled at her. “Thanks, really. You’ve been a great help tonight.”

If a ghost could blush, I’m pretty sure she just did. She twirled her hair around her finger, looking away from me. “You’re welcome, glad to be of service. Stay safe out there, Ally. Tell your friends the same thing.”

I watched as she disappeared from view. The air pressure changed back to normal, and Michael gasped beside me, but Lyn didn’t, basically confirming to me that she can’t sense anything that went on. That must be a lovely feeling. She did, however, look over where Dahlia had last been standing.

“Did she leave?”

“Yeah, she did.”

“Good. I felt like I was being watched.”

Huh, interesting. I made a mental note of that too. Actually, since I was thinking about it, I decided to bite the bullet. “Lyn?”

“Hm?”

“I was wondering something. You looked like there was something on your mind earlier before we got here. What were you thinking about?”

Michael looked curious as Lyn mulled over her answer. Finally, she just shrugged. “My dad’s last name is Cressman.”

“Your dad? Michael and I said at the same time. He grinned at me, and I smiled back.

Lyn nodded, as she starting to walk away from the tree. I followed with no choice, since our hands were still together, and Michael followed not wanting to be left behind. “Yeah, my dad. Hart is my mum’s last name,” a dark look crossed over her face for a second before settling back to neutral. “It’s probably just a coincidence though. It’s a common surname from Ontario, you know?”

A coincidence, huh? I glanced over my shoulder as we walked away, only to see Dahlia sitting up in the branches, watching us as we left. I wonder if that’s all it was.

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Too Smart for Your Own Good: Part 5

Pairings: Machine Gun Kelly x Reader, (Past and Future) Henry Cavill x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, PTSD 

Word Count: 4,758

A/N: Doesn’t have a completed end yet, but just giving you more content to try to get myself out of a writing funk.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You should have been doing your last minute research on baby products to get your shopping done before the start of your third trimester, but your relaxing beach study session was welcomingly interrupted within a matter of minutes.

“You are a terrible person.” You muttered as Henry dropped a large duffle bag of work out equipment beside you.

“Like your tan.” He started as he pulled off his tank top and dropped it on your lap. “Muscles need work. You want me to be healthy, don’t you?”

“I want you to stop distracting me with the sexy.” You laughed as you locked the screen of your phone and dropped it in the cup holder of your beach chair.

“Oh, perfect.” He said as he unzipped his old work out bag, which hadn’t seen the light of day in years. “You can help.”

“You’re impossible.” You huffed with a smile as you held out your hand for whatever he was going to hand you. “What am I doing?”

“You are simply keeping me company.” He replied with a heart melting smile. “I miss your company.”

“Well you are not alone there.” He bent over long enough to give you a chaste kiss before he got to work. “Sooo… I’m assuming I’m allowed to ask questions… about over there.”

“You are.” He confirmed as he started with a slow stretch that momentarily made you forget all about your questions. A small smirk pulled at his lips as he looked up at you through his lashes while bending over to touch his toes. “Questions, my darling.”

“God, I fucking hate you.” You muttered as you bit your lip and rested your arm on the arm rest of your chair. His chuckle sent shivers up your spine as he twisted into a lunge, which made you simply want to die. “Fuck, how did you get so ripped over there? I mean, I’m absolutely not complaining at all, but… damn, baby.” His laugh blended perfectly with the waves crashing beside you as he switched sides in a different lunge.

“Well, we used what we had. The rusted metal beds made good weights, push up and sit ups worked too. Did a lot of boxing type work outs.” He shrugged and sat down in the sand in front of you to start. “Same things I do here just had a lot more time. Feet.” You nodded and picked up your feet so he could put his under yours for the first few of many sets of sit ups. “Now may I ask you something?”

“You just did.”

“How did you meet this baby daddy of yours?” You couldn’t stop your sigh, knowing that you would have to answer these questions some time, just not the day after he got home.

“His name is Colson.” You started as you pushed against his feet with yours to hold them down. “Or Kels… I call him Colson now. He’s some rapper, rock star that Ashleigh represents.” Henry stopped mid sit up and stared at you in shock.

“Darling… really? A rapper?”

“Shut up!” You squealed as you pushed his forehead so he would stop giving you that look. “Look, he needed a guitarist for a concert after his guitarist broke his arm and I was the only person Ash knew that could learn the music fast enough.”

“My little genius.” He said with a proud smile. “My little roadie genius.”

“God you’re impossible.” You laughed as you grabbed your water bottle and opened the top. “Look, I lasted six years, and had a momentary lapse of judgement. Sue me.”

“Does he know about her?” He asked as he sat up completely, tapped your calf to get you to move, and turned to the side at your feet to keep going.

“He knows. He’s showed up for appointments and wants to be in her life. He has another daughter who lives in Cleveland so she has a sister.” His head nodded the slightest bit as he started in on a variation of sit ups that incorporated his arms and legs.

“He know about me?”

“He does. He knows how we met…”

“Good ol’ Jersey Reds for the win.” Henry chuckled with a gorgeous smile.

“And he knows we are engaged. He knows I still love you.”

“Didn’t talk about me much, did you?” He asked with a hint of regret in his tone.

“No. I couldn’t.” He nodded his head and sat up in front of you with a small sigh.

“(Y/N), I’m…”

“Hey!” You sat up and looked over as Colson headed down the steps on the side of your house toward you. “Private property, dick head!”

“No, it’s OK.” You said as you got up and stepped over Henry’s legs. “We, um… we need to talk.”

“The fuck is this guy?” Kels asked as Henry watched on from a few feet back.

“That’s Henry.” You breathed as you crossed your arms over your chest. Colson’s face dropped from angry to speechless in less than a breath, and you nodded as you pushed your sunglasses on top of your head. “Kels, I’m sorry, it’s really complicated…”

“Nah.” He said with a shake of his head as he looked between you and your fiancé. “Not complicated at all. You said if he came back, you’d stay with him. Ain’t nothing complicated about that.” You nodded as he pulled a small box from the pocket of his jeans. “It was Casie’s when she was a baby. Emma found it in a yard sale and Cas used to listen to it every night before bed. She wants her sister to have it…”

“Oh, Colson.” You breathed as you pulled a small music box that resembled a record player from the box. You smiled and turned the little crank as Colson reached out and opened the top. ‘Let It Be’ started playing sweetly and you smiled and held the music box down by your stomach for your little girl. “Thank you. And tell Casie thank you as well. Hey, come meet Henry…”

“Nah. It’s all good.” He said with a sweep of his hand as he put his hands in his pants pockets. “Just dropped by to let you know I was back and to give you that. I’ll meet him eventually. I’ll see you ‘round, (Y/N). Welcome back, my guy.” You sighed as the father of your child turned to walk away at the same time Henry gently touched your back to come over to introduce himself.

“Guess he doesn’t wanna meet me?” Henry asked, making you shake your head.

“I think it will just take some time…”

“What drugs is he on?” A loud sigh left your lips as you leaned into his side and watched Kels disappear around the side of the house. 

“That I don’t know. The little time I spent with him for the concert, I saw a lot of weed and coke. Alcohol in the masses. But every other time he’s been sober-adjacent…”

“Sober-adjacent.” Henry mutter under his breath with a shake of his head. “That’s one way to put it.”

“I’m aware of the man’s life choices, baby.” You said as you closed the now silent music box and put it back into the box. You looked up at the empty staircase with a shake of your head before looking up at Henry with a small smile. “Don’t worry so much, sweetheart. That’s my job.”

“And worrying about you is mine.” He reminded you as he turned you back toward your chair. “And I’ve obviously been off my game for you to have thought that mess was a good idea.”

“Oh God, Henry.” You laughed as you sat down and pushed your sunglasses back into place. “That’s the father of my child and you will be nice.”

“I will be nice.” He said in a slightly mocking tone as he tapped your calves to stand on his feet again. “Just for my girls.”

“Mmmm… I like the sound of that.”

——

“So, when should I start planning our trip to London?” You asked gently as you walked into your pool after a long day of hanging out on the beach, catching up your fiancé on the last six years of your life, and reminiscing about the past. Henry looked over at you as he set his workout bag, and your chairs against the wall, and cocked his eyebrow.

“Why…”

“Because I know you, Henry.” You laughed as you sank down into the cool water. “Because I know, your first stop was my house, and I know you haven’t called your mother, because I would have heard from her…”

“You still talk to my mother?” You sighed and shook your head.

“I did for a year. I umm…” You bit your lip for a moment and shrugged the slightest bit as he came over and picked you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist. “We talked every single day, going over and over why you would disappear on us without a word. And when it hit the one year anniversary of radio silence, I walked away, because I didn’t want to keep reliving it. So now your mother hates me, because I went radio silent on her too. So if you had called her, she would have wanted to talk to me, probably to yell…”

“Oh, you know my mother well enough to know that she doesn’t hate anyone.”

“Well if she finds out that you are back, and you didn’t tell her, she’ll hate you, especially since your birthday is in three days. And she’ll keep hating me when she finds out that I haven’t told her. OH! And let’s not forget her hating me being pregnant…”

“OK, so we’re going to London.” He interrupted with a smile. “So no one hates you. Now when…?”

“I can get us on a red eye tonight.” You said as you poured water from your palms on the back of his head so you could run your fingers through it. “Just have to text Negan and the sperm donor first.”

“Why would you need to tell him?”

“Verbal contract.” You told him as you glanced down at your barely five months along bump. “Can’t leave the county with the baby without the other person knowing, because you can bet your ass, the first time he tries to take my child out of LA, I will send the club after him. And I can’t expect him to do that and not follow the same rules myself.”

“God, I forgot you were my little moral compass.” He cooed as he kissed you gently. “Such a goody goody…”

“Just remember that I finally know where you sleep now…” You replied in a sing song voice as you leaned back in the water to rinse your hair out. “And I may be small, but I am mighty.”

“Fuck… how could I have ever left the sexiest woman in the entire world?”

“You just forgot the sexiness amidst the camouflage and manly bearded men.” You laughed as you sat up and cupped his jaw. “Wanna grab a small bite before we go? We can even take the Charger which yes, I kept and yes, I frequently maintained.”

“Pretty sure my license is expired but I’m also pretty sure being a prisoner of war will excuse that.” You rolled your eyes and kissed him again before forcing yourself out of his arms to go get ready for your last minute trip. You were glad that you had kept Henry’s clothes and belongings right where he had left them, no matter how many nights it had caused you heartbreak to see them, because it made it so much easier for him to slip back into his life now that he was back. 

It didn’t take long for either of you to pack- him because he was always a light packer, and you because you knew exactly what you needed, and where it was located to travel to see your future in-laws. The call to Negan lasted all of two minutes so he got the where and why from you, and could make the request that you kept him posted while you were gone, and to let him know when you would be back, which was a typical call to your father when he was busy with the club. But getting a hold of Colson proved to be a little harder.

“Darling, we’re getting ready to take off.” Henry said softly as you dialed Colson’s number for the thirty-seventh time.

“OK, you know as well as I do that this will bug me the entire flight if I don’t get a response from him. Colson, last chance. I’m going to London and don’t know when I’ll be back. Can you fucking acknowledge my existence for thirty seconds and text me back or something already?!”

“You worry to much, my love.” Your fiancé sighed on the other side of the lowered partition separating your two first class seats.

“Yes, well it’s not just my child, sweetheart. And I made this damn rule to begin with and I’d also be livid if he only left one message.”

“I know, my love.” He placated as he handed you the blanket you liked to travel with because you always got super cold on planes. “But we both know he’s probably off galavanting with the homies, or some other shenanigans or tomfoolery at this hour on a Friday night.”

“Did you just say shenanigans AND tomfoolery in the same sentence?!” You laughed as you put your phone in airplane mode and set it aside for the time being. “Who even uses those words?”

“I do.” He chuckled as he took the beer he had asked for from the stewardess. “Because it makes you smile.”

“Aww, how cute!” You teased. “I forgot how sappy you can be.”

“And here I am to remind you.” He laughed as he reached through the pass through to brush his thumb across your cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you.” You replied as you kissed his palm. “Am I am so glad you’re finally home where you belong.”

——

“Think she’s going to be mad?” Henry asked as he parked your rental car in front of his parent’s house.

“No, baby.” You soothed. “She is going to be so happy you’re alive and safe, she won’t even care that any time has passed.” He nodded and glanced up at the house through the rain with a heaved sigh.

“Alright, let’s go. I’ll come back out for our bags if we’re staying here.” With a nod, you braced yourself for the cold rain, threw open the door, and ran around the car. Marianne had changed her garden so much since the last time you had seen it, and you absolutely loved what she had done with it, but that idea was fleeting as you stepped under to the quaint cottage’s awning. You purposely gave your fiancé no time to think, you simply knocked on the door and gently pushed him forward so he was front and center.

“... in the bloody rain...” Was all his father, Colin could get out when he looked up at his fourth son in shock.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Oh, praise the Lord. Marianne! Come in, come in. Get out of the cold. Marianne!” You smiled to yourself and stepped just inside the door to be out of the way as your mother-in-law came around the corner from the kitchen, screamed, stumbled into the wall in disbelief, and then finally came over to touch her son.

“I must be dreamin’.” She gasped through her tears as she ran her fingertips across his cheek. “I must...”

“I’m here.” Henry said as he, too teared up. “I’m really here.” His mother started to sob and pulled him into her arms, giving his father room to hug the both of them as well. While they had their family moment, you checked in with Negan, and sent a message to Ashleigh to get to Colson, and didn’t look up until Marianne said your name.

“Let me take a look at you.” She sniffled as she came over and held you out at arms length. Her eyes trailed down to your stomach for only a moment before meeting yours again with a small smile. “I’m sorry I ran you off.”

“No, mum, never.” You breathed as she pulled you into her arms. “I just needed to try to move on…”

“And you did that?” She asked as she stepped back to look at your stomach again. 

“She’s… I didn’t want to be alone anymore. Dad was in prison, Henry was gone. So in a very poor lapse of judgement on the other half of her genetics, I made a choice. And now I have her, and my father out of prison, and the love of my life back.”

“And the rest of your family, too.” She said with a smile as she pat your cheek. “You have always had us, whenever you were ready.” You nodded your head and closed your eyes for a moment with a content sigh. “Alright, you two go up and get settled. We’ve to call the boys. They’ll want to see you.”

“See if they’d like to do a late dinner.” You suggested with a smile. “So everyone can catch up… no, it’s my treat, I insist.”

“You both know you can’t tell her no.” Henry laughed as he took your rain jacket from you to hang up. 

“We’ll make the calls.” Colin said with a nod. “But we’ll pay.”

“Oh, Papa C, you know as well as I do I can out bribe the waiter for that tab with my stunning personality alone.”

“It’s only because she’s much, much more pretty.” Henry teased before dashing out the door to grab your bags with a laugh. 

“He is right, you know.” Marianne giggled as she picked up her cell to start making calls. “She is much more pretty.”

“Oh, not you, too.” Colin whined as he picked up his phone as well.

“I’m sorry, Papa C.” You joked as you moved out of the way for Henry and the first round of bags. “I should have stayed in LA to spare you my American looks.”

“And her way more annoying American sass.” Henry teased before running out into the rain to avoid your whack. 

“You two haven’t missed a beat, have you?” Marianne asked as she hung up with Charlie and looked up at you.

“In some ways, it’s like we haven’t…” You breathed as you looked out the open front door. “But he’s not my same Henry. I can see it in his eyes…”

“He just got back, sweetheart.” She said softly as she came over to watch her son as well. “And I can only imagine the horrors he’s seen. Give him time, (Y/N). And get him to talk about it. You’ll be the only one of us that can.” You nodded your head and smiled at the love of your life as he handed you his small duffle of both your things from the plane.

“You want first shower before dinner?” He asked as he closed the door behind him. “Since I just took mine running out for your bags.”

“Oh, you poor, unfortunate soul.” You teased as you headed up to the guest bedroom, while siblings were still being called to come over for reasons unknown to them for the time being. “And now you’re going to go from cold rain water to a cold shower since I’m going to purposely use all the hot water.”

“Guess I’m getting in with you then.” He growled softly into your ear as you stopped at the guest bedroom door.

“Oh, yes sir, soldier boy.”

——

There where very, very few decisions you had made in your life that you regretted, but suggesting dinner with Henry’s family after all he had been through was one of those few decisions. Despite how hard he tried to ignore the loud chatter of everyone deciding what they wanted to eat and asking him a million and one questions that he gave half answers to and pretended he was OK, you could feel how tense he was beside you. His hand movements were slightly jerky and he startled easily when the waiter came around for orders and to drop off drinks. You knew no one else but his mother noticed, and she kept shooting you looks, but you were more concerned with your fiancé than you were with her.

“Henry.” You said softly when the plates were starting to be served. He looked over at you, but almost completely through you, making your brow furrow in concern. “Sweetheart…” You both startled when one of his younger nieces he hadn’t gotten to ever meet before dropped her water glass on the table, hitting every single piece of metal silverware and the glass plates around her, and you could see the terror flash in his eyes.

“Hey, shhh.” You whispered softly as you gently laid one hand on his cheek and held on to one of his tightly clenched fists with the other. “Hey, you’re here with me.”

“Hey, what’s…?”

“No, leave him alone.” His oldest brother, Piers said before his mom could reach out for her son. “Let her. She’ll get through to him.”

“What’s going on?” His brother, Simon called out from halfway down the table as everyone turned to stare at the pair of you. 

“Well he’s obviously he’s having a melt down. Been in the bat cave just a little too long.” Charlie said slightly jokingly, which made Henry tense up even more.

“Leave him alone!” Marianne barked at her sons as you tried to bring your fiancé back down to Earth. “He has been through hell and back and you lot aren’t helping!”

“Just let her do her thing.” Niki said as he picked up his fork and knife to start eating. “She’s the only one of us that can pull him out of this, and they don’t need us staring at them while they do it.”

“Sweetheart, come back to me.” You said softly as you pulled his hand toward you and gently placed it on your daughter. “The little squirm bug is moving around again. Think you could tell me if you can feel her yet? She is your future step daughter after all.” You watched the blue in his eyes shift in shade as he finally focused on your face and not looking through it.

“What?”

“She. Is. Your. Step daughter.” You repeated as you used your fingers to uncurl his fist. “I mean, you’re the one that moved the ring back in place, you should have realized that gave you a second title, Daddy.” He smiled and started to tear up as you tilted your head to the side. “You didn’t realize that until just now, did you?”

“No.” Your smile grew as you nodded your head.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think about the noise. So we can get outta here now, or we can hold out for a bit. Either way, I’m about thirty seconds from digging into this filet with either proper silverware or my hands, I don’t care. And there’s like four desserts your child wants after, so you have to spilt those with me, too.”

“I think I can do that.” He agreed as he rubbed your stomach, letting it be something beautiful for him to hold on to for the time being.

“So we’ll stay here? Hang out until you get overwhelmed again? Then we’ll just call it a night, order our desserts to go, and finish them in bed in your mother’s house, leaving our smudgy chocolate fingerprints behind like the grown up children we are.” He nodded his head and reached out to squeeze your thigh.

“Thank you.” With a nod, you pat his cheek, and gave him a chaste kiss.

“Can I eat my thirty dollar steak now? With the garlic and herb butter glaze, and the parmesan mashed potatoes, and the cute little baby salad… oh.” You laughed when your stomach growled. “See, interrupting your kid’s meal schedule. Bad step-Daddy.”

“OK, let’s eat.” He said as he took a deep breath and turned back to the table. “My apologies.”

“Don’t apologize.” Marianne said as she reached over and pat her son’s hand. “What do you need from us, dear?” Henry shrugged and you glanced over at him before smiling at the rest of his family.

“Let’s not rapid fire questions?” You suggested, hesitantly. “Just enjoy the fact that we have our Henry back. We can delve deeper into it all in time. We have lots of it now.”

“To having Henry back.” Colin said as he picked up and held out his wine glass.

“To having Henry back.”

——

After dinner that night, you bought and read every book, and article you could find on post-traumatic stress, and how to handle it. You helped play the middle man when his brothers all stopped by, one at a time, in those next few days; spending an equal amount of time catching them up on your life as well, so that Henry was able to just get up and walk away if and when he needed it. Everyone was more than willing to follow your suggestions, since you were able to read up on it as fast as you could, and they also turned their jokes from being a prisoner of war to being a future parent instead, giving him wild, and teasing parenting advice just so he’d have something else to think about.

Henry’s birthday came and went, with a simple meal with just his parents. It was peaceful, and full of only a televised rugby match, and an ordered in meal. You knew Marianne was concerned every minute of the day as she, like you, watched her son, finally seeing what you meant by ‘it’s him but not’. 

“Do you think he needs to see someone?” She whispered to you as you helped her wash and dry dishes, while the men watched the game.

“He does.” You confirmed with a nod. “But that will be on his time. I can make the suggestion, but he won’t go until he’s ready.” She sighed, solemnly and stopped what she was doing for a moment to look back at her son, so you reached out and took her hand, gently. “We’ll get him back, mum. It’s just not going to happen over night. Give it time. He’s only been home a week.”

“I’m so glad he came to you first.” She said softly as she met your eyes. “I would have thought surrounding him with family would be the best thing...”

“It is... but it isn’t.” You breathed. “He just needs to find his spot in life again. For years, it’s been a war zone, with people yelling and screaming, with guns in his face being forced to help the people that were killing our soldiers against his will. And now he’s back and simply expected nothing of him. No purpose, no focus. It’s chaos to him, and every little thing brings him back to that. I’m not saying I know what’s best for him, because I don’t. I can’t even begin to make heads or tails of what I’ve read...”

“But you can steer him in the right direction.” She finished for you with tears in her eyes. “You are still the best thing that I could ever ask for my son.” You teared up with her as well and let her pull you into a short hug, before pulling away to go back to the dishes. “I think you should take him back home.” She breathed so softly, you barely heard her. “Back to the home he knew best before he left. Get him some help...”

“Is that what you really want?”

“I want what’s best for my son.” She said quickly as she handed you the last dish and turned off the water. “And you have always been that for him. You can understand all of this way better than any of us could, and he needs that right now. We’ll be here.” She finished on a whisper as she looked back out at her child. “We’ll be here... just take good care of him, alright?”

“You know I will.” You promised with a nod. “And I won’t ever stop again.”

Part 6

[rons-hermiones]

Come Find Me

Come Find Me

by rons-hermiones

Summary: Unplanned, Hermione is forced to spend Christmas at the Burrow due to her grandmother falling very ill. After being ignored by Hermione for weeks, Ron is determined to show her how much she means to him. Just before he gets the chance to tell her, Bellatrix Lestrange shows up with other plans for Hermione. Can Ron get to her before it's too late? (Ron/Hermione Half-Blood Prince AU)

Rating: M for language & dark themes in later chapters.

Chapter Twenty Eight

Ron sent the owl out last night. He didn’t write much. He knew he didn’t have to. 

Fred and George would do as they were told, for once knowing the severity and seriousness of his requests. 

So now, he sat anxiously by his window awaiting their reply. 

When he woke up the next morning and saw an owl tapping at his window with a small parcel, he almost leaped in excitement. 

However, as he read the tag from his Mum and Dad, his face dropped in disappointment. He almost forgot, he’s seventeen today. 

Seventeen is a big deal in the wizarding world. You’re free to do magic outside of school, you can get an apparating license. He’s a legal adult. He can buy his own flat, drop out of school, get married, have free reign of his vault down at Gringotts. 

He should be excited. Over the moon with this new found freedom. 

But he’s not. 

The one thing he wants, it seems that no one can give him. 

The second best thing to that, Fred and George’s response, has yet to come. 

Bugger Birthday’s he thought as he collapsed back on his bed. 

He’d left the dining hall moments ago. The mass of Gryffindor begged him to stay for pudding, saying it was his birthday after all, but he declined. Made up some barmy lie that his Mum sent him some candy he wanted to have at. He promised them he’d meet them in the common room in an hour. 

Another lie. 

He was missing Hermione more than ever today. It was his first birthday in what, six years, that she wasn’t around to give him a gift. 

It would probably have been some book. He would’ve pretended he wouldn’t read it, but he would. He always did. 

There’s even a stack of all the ones he’s gifted them under his bed at the Burrow. He scanned through them all at least three times. Something about her picking out the various texts whilst she thinks of him is just so special. 

Merlin, I’m mental.  

He shakes his head trying to veer his thoughts from what could have been today. Instead he directs his mind to something he can understand. Something that’s simple enough, routine. 

You’re hungry. You eat. You wait. You’re hungry again. You keep eating. And so on. 

And right now his stomach is letting out a frustrated grumble at his decision to skip tonight’s pudding. 

For second he can’t even remember why he’d do such a- oh yeah. That’s why. 

Not wanting to explain to anyone, namely Harry, why he left in the first place, he opts for raiding his trunk in hopes to find something from Honeydukes. 

After rummaging through jumpers, parchment, and other miscellaneous items he closes the thing with a defeated huff. 

His eyes soon land on Harry’s trunk. They share just about everything. They’ve raided one another’s things before. What’s mine is his, what’s his is mine. 

After all, he can’t be upset. It is my birthday, Ron thought. 

He flung open his friend's trunk and spent some time in there, narrowly avoiding any contact with his best mates underwear. 

Finally, just when Ron reached the bottom he spotted them. 

Gotcha. 

For a brief moment he held them up and began squishing them, as if to test their density. He wondered why Harry didn’t have at them, he knew he was quite fond of the little things. 

Shrugging he unwrapped it and popped one in his mouth. 

After chewing thoughtfully for a few moments and deciding they weren’t spoiled, like he originally thought. 

Ron swallowed the chocolate cauldron. 

...

It had been twenty minutes since Harry entered the common room and Ron still didn’t come down. He had rightfully so been worried for his best mate as of late, and skipping pudding on any day, his birthday no less? Unheard of. 

Merlin, is this how he and Hermione always feel about me? 

Dismissing the thought, he trudged up the boys dormitory step and pushed open the door to their room. 

There he found Ron, sitting cross legged on the bed, a dreamy look on his face. It’s the happiest he’s seen him look in months. 

“Ron?” He called out, cautiously stepping further into the room. 

“Harry!” He called excitedly from the bed, jumping to his feet and smiling. 

“Hey...” he replied nervously. 

“Have you seen her?” The ginger asked almost anxiously. 

The chosen one was taken aback, “no, what? We just talked about this.” 

Ron looked confused, “we did? Well, where is she?” He asked eagerly, teetering anger and impatience. However, still looking rather well-drunk. 

“Ron what?” He shook his head, “did Fred and George send you Fire whiskey? You’re acting well-pissed.” The chosen one said. 

Before Ron could respond, something donned on Harry, “wait if they sent you fire whiskey, that means they sent you a reply. Meaning they know-“

Harry was soon stopped by a plush pillow thunking onto his head. 

“Focus Harry! Where is she?” He demanded, with a slight scowl, eyes still clouded. 

“Ron I just said-“ he watches as Weasley tosses the pillow onto the bed, leading atop foil wrappers. 

Glimmering gold foil wrappers surrounding his best mate's bed. 

Hermione’s voice distantly rang through his head: “That’s Romilda Vane. Apparently she’s trying to smuggle you a love potion.”

That along with flashes of a pink card donned in hearts and a sack of chocolate cauldrons flash behind his eyes.

Buggering fuck- 

“Ron, is this about Romilda?” Harry decides to ask carefully. 

Any anger soon leaves the other boy's face as a wistful smile takes over, “of course it is Harry, when is it not?” He sighs. 

Well, considering before this year I haven’t heard about her since Dean took her to the ball... never. He refrains from saying.  

“You’ve got to help me find her! Please Harry, will you? Please!” Ron pathetically dropped to one knee and clutched the edges of his friends shirt sleeves. 

Harry stares down a little bewildered. It was odd to see Ron in such a state and he knew he’d need to fix this fast. 

Knowing he couldn’t do it on his own, he weighed his options. 

Dumbledore was probably way too busy. McGonagall would freak out. 

This was a love potion after all, he could suppose a potions master would do. 

Trouble is, he doesn’t fancy waltzing around the dungeons or talking to Snape. On the other hand, he and Slughorn did have a rather tense conversation earlier about his relationship to Tom Riddle. 

Harry knew he had to push aside any awkwardness for Ron’s sake and decided on what to do. 

“Help me find her, please? She’d want me to find her.” Ron states, not happy with Harry’s silence. 

The Boy-Who-Lived gulp, he couldn’t help but hear Ron’s pained voice in the back of his mind telling him Hermione asked him to find her. 

‘Come find me.’

That’s what Ron said her last words to him were. 

He swallows the bile in his throat, preparing a tale, “come on, I heard Romilda is with Slughorn-“

“She’s with Slughorn? He’s way too old! He doesn’t love her like-“ 

“No, Ron, he's tutoring her.” Though a lie, this didn’t satisfy the ginger, “if Romilda does bad in potions then she can’t graduate. Then how will you guys start your lives together?” Merlin, he can't believe these words are leaving his mouth. 

“You’re right Harry! Come on, let’s go find her.” Ron stood now, but swayed a bit. 

Harry grabbed onto his shoulders for a bit of support. As the chosen one ushered his love sick friend from the room, he failed to notice the pecking of Fred and George’s owl on the window. 

...

Harry wrapped his knuckles on Slughorn’s door, hoping he’d be awake. 

Thankfully, after a moment, he heard shuffling. 

The small window through the door opened, “Harry?” The potions teacher questioned, soon his face dropped, “if this is about-“

“No sir!” He insisted, “I’m sorry to bother you so late, I wouldn’t if it wasn’t important, but it seems as if-“ 

“Harry, is she there?” Ron called loudly from a few feet behind.

Slughorn’s eyes widened, failing to notice Weasley’s presence, “it seems as if Ron accidentally took a love potion. I was hoping you may have a cure.” 

Horace’s eyes again flicked to the red heads. He noticed the unmistakable dazed look only a strong potion could cause and sighed. 

“Come in, I’ll be sure to fix Rodney right up. Harry chooses not to harp on the fact he messed up his name, despite only speaking it seconds ago, and turns to Ron. 

“Romilda had to get something from her dorm, but she’ll be back soon. Let’s wait for her in here. So she’ll know where you are.” Harry lies, knowing the fact Romilda Vane wouldn’t be inside would anger his love struck friend. 

Deafly, the ginger saunters through the now open door as Harry places him on the brown couch in the center of the room.  

Ron’s hands appear to be longing to hold something, as he desperately grasps at the air. Sighing, Harry shoves a pillow into his arms, seeing that had worked when he found him earlier. 

“I’m sorry again for this and earlier.” Harry told his Professor, walking to where he was mixing something. 

Slughorn tuts, “nonsense, water under the bridge. I’m happy to help you and your friend. It’s been a while since I’ve mixed a remedy for this, it’s quite fun!” He admits, throwing in some powder that turns the liquid a violet color. 

The dark haired boy can’t help but smirk, a bit amused by the old man's excitement. 

“Tell me boy, how did Rhodes find himself accidentally taking a love potion?” 

Biting his tongue on correcting Slughorn, Harry opted to explain, “He had left the great hall early. It is his birthday-“

“Birthday! Very important, seventeen is he?” Slughorn questions. Funny how he could get Ron’s age, but not name, correct. 

He nods, “yeah, well, I reckon he wanted some candy or something for it, dunno. I had some spiked with a love potion, he took it by mistake.” 

Thankfully, the professor didn’t seem to question exactly why Harry had spiked candies and instead handed him a glass. 

“Unfortunate on his seventeenth of all days! But you give him this and Ren will have time to

spare to celebrate.” 

Harry smiled gratefully, “cheers.” He joked before walking to the couch. “Ron?” He said tentatively. 

His blue eyes seemed to snap from a trance, “Oi Harry, you told me she’d be here!” He exclaimed fussily. 

A little annoyed, Potter sighs, “I know I did, but she told me she needs you to drink this first.” 

Funny enough, Ron doesn’t question it because of his current state and downs the whole thing in a few gulps. 

Just moments later, the glossed over look leaves his eyes, as his lips drop from their smile. 

“Merlin, what happened to me?” He groaned sadly. 

“Love potion.” Harry said simply, just as Slughorn joined them. 

“I feel really-Harry, did you hear anything about Hermione?” Ron asked, sounding so sad, clearly his mind was a bit foggy since he asked in front of Slughorn. 

“Miss Granger, I thought he was thinking about Romilda Vane?” Slughorn whispered loud enough Ron would’ve heard, had he been paying attention. 

Harry shook his head, not wanting to delve into the topic, “is he okay?” 

“Just needs a pick me up. It’s a bit drastic going from such a high to this. So what I’ll it be, Roy?” 

This seems to snap Ron’s attention. 

“Butter beer. Wine. Matured Mead.” He lists, picking up the latter, “I had other plans for this, but it feels appropriate. It is your birthday after all Ryan.” He winks. 

“Right...” Ron trails, still feeling rather down. 

Slughorn pours three glasses. Handing two to Harry, who passes the dark liquid to Ron. 

“Here’s a toast to,” the old man thought for a moment, “another year of life!” Slughorn and Harry clink glasses. 

Ron however, doesn’t wait, and takes a large sip of his. 

“Happy Birthday Ro-“ 

Before the potions master can finish his sentence a large thud sounds. 

At his and Harry’s feet, is a writhing Ron. 

[quicksilverlightning]

The All Might Fan Forum Discussion Board, Part Two

ALL MIGHT FAN FORUM General Discussion All Might Battles Meeting All Might      Rescued by All Might      All Might Encounters      >Small Might Encounters (New!) Fanart and Fanfiction

Gone4-a-Jog

Small Might Sensei

I like to go jogging. I started recently and I’m not very good at it – I can’t run very fast or very long. But I like taking different routes and discovering new places when I stop to catch my breath. It was during one of my longer runs that I bumped into All Might.

I’d heard someone behind me a few minutes before I stopped to put my hands on my knees and try to gulp down as much air as possible, but didn’t hear that he stopped when I did so I jumped and nearly fell on my ass when I got upright, then nearly fell again when I saw who it was and this long sentence doesn’t begin to cover the comedy of errors that was my life in these few moments.

He stopped cause I was running wrong. Sidenote: there’s a such thing as running wrong. Apparently, you want to land in the middle of your foot and try not to land on your heel at all cause that can cause problems. He also taught me a few breathing rhythms for different intensities of runs.

He ran with me for about twenty minutes, correcting my bad posture and seriously I know every post on this forum says it, but All Might is super, super nice. Like, you’d think he’d have at least a little ego or something, but he doesn’t. He just wants to help everyone. He said hello to everyone we passed and doubled back to throw away a bottle someone dropped. He’d so nice you guys.

I’ve been using what he taught me for a few days now, and haven’t gotten a stitch in my side once. It’s so much easier to run now. Thanks Sensei!

Pepper-oni

Seatmates!

Small Might sat next to me on the bus. Pretty sure he could have had any seat he wanted no matter how crowded it was, but he was really polite and kinda awkward about asking if he could sit with me. Meanwhile, I’m internally screaming while trying to keep it cool on the outside.

He was texting someone on his phone – I tried not to stare, but it’s All Might, you know? I didn’t catch much, just that he was proud of someone, which, hello, is so frickking cute. He looked happy.

m0toroildrmz

A brief conversation with my mother:

“Mom, do you know who that was?”

“No?”

“That was All Might! All Might, mom!”

I leave my mom alone for five seconds to use the bathroom, and I come back to ALL MIGHT helping her with her English crossword puzzles. She didn’t even get an autograph for me.

oba-san581

the beach

I don’t know why it took so very long for it to click – after his last battle, I couldn't shake the feeling that I’d seen that tall, skinny man somewhere before. And he is such a distinctive gentleman; I was sure I knew him, somehow. It wasn’t until I met him on the beach that it finally fell into place.

I’m retired these days, so I have a lot of time on my hands. Every day, I take a walk from my home to the library and back. Sometimes I stay a few minutes, sometimes the entire day gets away from me. For months, almost every day without fail, there was a man and a boy cleaning the shoreline near my home. They would be there when I left for the day, and were still there when I came back. The boy was a scrappy, freckled little thing, cute as a button. The man was slender, but undeniably strong – he would step in to help with some of the bigger appliances, but mostly directed the boy and cheered him on.

I stopped to speak to them a few times; the boy was such a polite young man, and All Might was genial and humble. I never would have known. I could never have guessed had I not met him again, returning from the library with a book to enjoy near the waves.

It’s strange; heroes are so flashy these days, hustle and bustle and fight and move. And we appreciate them, need them. But there’s something so very special about the little things. All Might personally spent almost a year helping clean up a beach. Would anyone else in the top ten have done that?

He was every bit as kind as I remembered. He doesn’t accept praise very well, insisted the beach was all the boy’s doing. Which is fair enough I suppose – he did most of the heavy lifting. Even so, that man was out there almost every single day, with lunch and water and cheer and kind words. It warmed my heart, watching the two of them progress across the sand. I’m so glad All Might is a teacher now; those kids are in good hands.

spite-and-aesthetic

again with the cats

small might plucked my cat out of a tree AGAIN – same cat same tree he even fucking remembered me is this guy for real?

MKPlusUltra

All Might does not skip Leg Day

So I’m minding my own business, checking messages on my phone, waiting on my drink order, when there’s some commotion across the street – lotta loud noise, people screaming and running, standard-issue villain-tries-to-rob-the-till-at-the-combini sort of afternoon. It’s a tall guy with, like, I guess it’s a stretch Quirk off some kind? He looks like he walked out of some old-timey cartoon, all wiggly limbs bouncing everywhere, running from what looks like some rookie Pro – I don’t even think they were a rookie yet; maybe an intern? Anyway, Noodle Arms is booking it, Intern is after him as fast as his short legs can manage. Leggy clears the street in one jump and starts twisting his head around like he can’t decide where to go next.

It’s at that moment when All Might himself exits the building next to mine, one hand leaving his pocket to check his watch and Noodle makes a decision.

Now look, I’m gonna break this down into slo-mo for ya, cause seriously, it was a thing of beauty. It was one, smooth, impossibly cool-looking move, and every piece of it needs to be appreciated. This DUMBASS, who clearly had no plan whatsoever beyond “grab a hostage,” honestly thinks he can take on ALL MIGHT, I guess cause he’s skinny now or something. He wraps his stupid noodle limbs around him and All Might doesn’t even twitch when Dumbass constricts his arms and waves a gun around. Dumbass is yelling something, I don’t know what, who tf cares. All Might kinda tilts his head, wriggles his shoulders a bit, then lifts his arms up and slides out of the jacket so fast the fabric doesn’t even lose its shape. I’m not even kidding, it looked like it was on an invisible mannequin, this move came straight from the Acme school of How To Defy Physics. Dumbass has just enough time to look shocked before he’s eating a size 13 leather shoe – All Might dropped to his haunches, made a quarter-turn, and kicked his leg up and back, straight into the jaw of Dumbass. He kicks him so hard his feet actually lift off the ground and he flies backwards into a streetlamp.

All Might doesn’t even look angry; he just looks Annoyed, like someone forgot to put sugar in his coffee. He picks up his jacket and slings it over a shoulder and waits around a few minutes for the police to catch up and haul Noodle McDumbass into custody while Short Intern babbles away with stars in his eyes. It was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

AM_FAN0112

HE’S BACK

HE HASN’T BEEN TO THE SHOP IN THREE MONTHS TOSHINORI YOU USELESS SUNFLOWER I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU. I LEFT SO MANY TEARS ON HIS JACKET

YOU FUCKING SWEETHEART. YOU ABSOLUTE RAY OF LITERAL SUNSHINE. I WILL SAVE EVERY COPY OF SUGAR SUGAR CAT CAFE FOR YOU I WILL READ EVERY SINGLE DUMBASS ROMANCE MANGA I CAN FIND I WILL WORK IN THIS TINY BOOKSHOP FOR THE REST OF MY STUPID LIFE JUST NEVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN YOU AWKWARD JACKRABBIT DON’T EVER LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THAT AGAIN

I’M SORRY FOR SCREAMING I JUST MISSED HIM SO MUCH HE’S MY FAVORITE CUSTOMER EVEN BEFORE I KNEW HE WAS ALL MIGHT. HE’S AN ADORABLE OLD MAN

RedRibbon

A good man

Perhaps it’s a little unfair for me to comment since I work in the Tower. Still, there are some things I wanted to share with the world and this is a good place to do it.

I’ve been at the agency for three years now, mainly doing secretarial work. My direct superior is a man named Yagi-san. Yagi-san acted as All Might’s personal assistant, right hand man, concierge, whatever you want to call it. Telling something to Yagi-san was as good as telling it to All Might directly. I, along with everyone else in the Tower, learned why that night in Kamino.

I’ve read many, many posts on these discussion boards and if I were to identify a unifying theme that everyone seems to mention, it’s that All Might is a nice guy. That he really, honestly cares. That he worries about the little things just as much as the big things. I’ve worked with Yagi-san for three years and can confirm that none of it is a show for the adoring public – it’s all 100% true.

Let me tell you something, I worked with Miruko’s agency before All Might’s, and Wash before that, but unless the two of them also have secret identities, neither one of them was on the ground floor pushing pencils with the rest of us like All Might was. I’ve seen Yagi-san escorting new hires around the building when they get lost. I’ve seen him roll up his sleeves and change a busted printer cartridge, ink all over his shirt. He knows everyone’s birthday. He’ll do coffee runs, answer the phones, make deliveries, grab lunch, whatever you need. I’ve seen him as All Might, shutting the press down when they start getting pushy with the employees, or dropping by the daycare and making the kids light up.

I’ve never seen him complain. I’ve never seen him brush anyone off. I’ve never seen him be rude, or arrogant, or insulting, or aloof. I’ve never seen him treat anyone as lesser, as if they weren’t worth his time. Yagi-san lifted morale just by being in the building, the way All Might cut crime rates just by existing. Everyone in the agency loved Yagi-san just as much as they loved the hero; everyone had a story about All Might, and another one about Yagi-san. I’ve seen a few of those stories on this very board.

But this one is mine:

Ever since high school, I’ve used a ribbon to keep the hair out of my face. I love my curls, but they can be a nuisance waving around at the edge of my vision, so I keep them pulled back. I like using ribbons because scrunchies often get caught in my un-tameable mess of hair.

My ribbon snapped one day at work. It wasn’t a big deal – just a minor annoyance to have to keep pushing my hair back. But Yagi-san noticed. He noticed without anyone saying anything, and came back from lunch thirty minutes later with a beautiful red ribbon that he tied into my hair.

It really is the little things that matter the most. This tiny little gesture made me feel seen, acknowledged, valued. Not just as an employee, but as a person. All Might cares about those kinds of things – his employees aren’t subordinates, they’re people. He doesn’t rescue victims, he recuses people. He doesn’t pull you up to his level; he gets on yours and puts you on his shoulders.

I’ve worn that ribbon nearly every day for two years. It’s gotten thin in places, kinda frayed at the edges, but still doing its job faithfully. A bit little like the man who gave it to me.

[pandoraimperatrix]

Two Names For Change

Gotham | BatCat | Four Names ‘Verse | Two Shots | Read on AO3

Summary: First he was threatening her all the time with a proposal and now she actually wants one he seems to forget he ever wanted to marry her in the first place. People say that women are hard to understand. They never dated Bruce Wayne.

This is an introductory piece for the actual sequel. The sequel will tell Jason’s story so you can expect angst, this introductory piece however will be pure sugar sprinkled candyfloss cavity inducing fluff.

It got too big so I had to break it in two parts which was nice since I used it to expose myself as a Fairy Tale nerd. Thanks to my mutuals on Twitter for the incentive and Lily for helping me with the title.

Enjoy.

 Two Names For Change

Part I – Restoration

 "When they found that she was a Princess born, there was another burst of joy, which was almost the death of them; but when she told them the names of the King and Queen, her father and mother, they recognised them as the sovereigns whose dominions they had conquered. They imparted this fact to Finette, and she immediately vowed she would not consent to marry the Prince until they had restored the estates of her father. They promised to do so, for they had upwards of a hundred kingdoms, and one more or less was not worth talking about."

 - Finette Cendron by the Countess d'Aulnoy

 Selina fell next to Bruce, her heart still racing, she was panting hard. She smiled when she felt Bruce taking her hand and raising their arms over them, the blue glow of the monstrosity that Dick insisted in calling the “Batcomputer” being the only source of light in the room bouncing on their sweaty skin as their fingers laced together.

“You drained me, Cat.”

She let out a throaty laugh.

“You are tired? I did all the work myself.”

“In my defence, you do it so well, can you blame for liking to just lie down and watch?”

She snorted.

“You are such a pillow princess.” Saying that she slipped her hand from his and stood up. Bruce watched with longing and affection as she tried to make sense of the mess her hair had become, her naked form looking surreal under the penumbra of the cave.

“Let’s go to bed. The sun will rise soon.”

She turned back to him, her expression bashful.

“Sorry, B. I have to go home.”

Bruce’s soft smile fell, his jaw tense. Selina winced.

In a quick powerful motion he stood up, pulling his hair up nervously.

“I don’t get why we’re still doing this. You and Helena are here all the time.”

Guilt left Selina’s face and was substituted by annoyance.

“I already told you. I like having my own place.”

“I’m not talking about giving up your flat completely, but it’s stupid that you keep insisting in pretend that you still live there when you’re here all the time. It’s selfish. Helena doesn’t deserve to be keep being dragged from home to home.”

“Fine. She won’t. Because for now on I’ll keep that in mind and remember where we actually live.”

And she turned to leave, when she felt Bruce hug her from behind.

“No, no, no. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” His voice muffled by her hair. “I know what having your own place means to you.” Selina relaxed under him. “And it was wrong to bring Helena up, even though I stand by what I said regarding to her.” Bruce couldn’t see, but Selina bit her lip to control the pang of guilt. “I just hate that we’re not living together.”

Selina sighed and turned in his arms, Bruce’s hands left Selina’s waist and went to her face, holding her curls in place tenderly.

“I know… I’m sorry too. But as you said, I, we are here all the time.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Bruce…”

“Please? Just consider. You don’t have to say yes…” His serious demeanour cracked. “Now.”

She slapped him weakly on the chest.

“You are so full of yourself.”

“I could say the same.”

Selina’s chin fell and she closed her eyes in outrage.

“Oh my god, Bruce! Gross!”

“And yet true.” He mocked.

He could see she was having trouble trying to control the urge to laugh, her lips twitching despite her whole disgusted performance.

“That’s it. I’m leaving,” she said as they picked the parts of their scattered suits from the ground “I’m gone.” She turned back dramatically from the stairs. “And I’ll never come back!”

“Don’t forget to bring the things Dick needs for his school project when you come to dinner.”

“Shit, yes, I forgot. Thank you.” A few moments after she was back, but sadly not naked anymore. She eyed Bruce who was sitting on his ridiculously enormous chair, dressed in sweatpants, mug of espresso steaming in one hand as he worked at the computer.

“Didn’t you say you were going to sleep?” She raid running her fingers through his moist hair.

“Didn’t you say you were going home?”

“Your shower is better than mine.” She bended over to kiss him scrunching her nose at the bitter taste of coffee. “Text me later to remind me of Dick’s stuff? What is he doing again?”

“Some flying machine I think. He won’t let me help him. Hardhead.”

“Yeah, I know someone like that. But will you?”

“I’ll do better than that, I’ll text Helena.”

Selina smiled and then kissed him again. This time lasting longer, Bruce put the mug on the table so he could touch Selina, wishing they were back on the floor, with her feverish and wanton all around him.

She purred softly as they parted.

“See you later.” She whispered.

“Cat. Promise me you’ll think about it?”

Selina sighed but nodded before leaving, this time for good.

 Bruce used the rearview to spy on his kids. Helena was drooling on her hand, her head on Dick’s lap, her legs folded against her body, very uncomfortable sharing the back sit with Dick who was also asleep and Bruce could hear the hum of the earbud that had fallen one of his ears but was still hanging on one of his knotted curls. The boy was in need of a haircut. They were coming back from a weekend in Metropolis, Bruce was investigating Superman and when the kids learnt that the was going to the city they used all sorts of blackmail and schemes to go with him, in the end it became a whole family trip. He eyes then, Selina, she was looking through the pictures they took on her phone.

“I talked to Lucius about the proceedings to recognize Helena as my daughter.”

“Hmm… And you didn’t think about talking to me about it?”

“I’m doing it now.” He sighed. “I don’t want us to fight about it. I just want to give Helena what is rightful hers, including the Wayne legacy and name.”

“I know… I know… It’s just…”She hugged herself. “I was so afraid someone would take her away from me if I told them she was yours too.”

“I understand, but things are different now. We are different.” He diverted his eyes from the road to Selina, picking her hand and lacing their fingers together, she rolled her eyes, but there was unable to stop her own fond smile.

“We’ll need to talk to her.” She turned briefly to the kids. “I’m not specially attached to my last name, if she wants to ditch it for yours I won’t mind.”

He let the words sit for a while before continuing.

“About that…” His voice an octave higher from his faux absent-mindness.  

“Too soon.” She said dryly.

The car shook when he suddenly pushed the brakes the kids didn’t wake but mumbled annoyed.

“Meaning that eventually will be the right time?”

She bit back a smile at his excitement.

“I guess? I don’t know why you make such a huge deal out of this.”

“Because I love you, that’s why.”

She looked away shaking her head.

“You are so cheesy.” Her smitten tone brought a pleased smile to Bruce’s face that broadened after her thumb started rubbing his hand absently.

 Two years later, Selina had been sending signs that she was ready for what she feels like ages but nothing happens. And Bruce being Bruce she can never pinpoint when he actually is trying to create proposal settings to troll her or just being his usual sappy self. But after a while when a walk on the beach by the sunset when they took a trip so San Francisco for Dick’s fourteenth birthday was just a plot to convince her do it on the sand – and she found sand in weird places for weeks. All dinner dates in fancy restaurants were only PR appearances. And all special homemade desserts just because he liked to cook to her, it started becoming ridiculous.

She was ranting about that as she folded laundry and drank wine. Barbara was just drinking the wine. Heaven forbid her royal Kareness to help do any housework.

“But have you told him you want to tie the knot? I actually don’t know why the wait, how long have you been together since he came back? Four years?”

“Three. And no, but wouldn’t that be like proposing to him?”

“Well, kinda. I didn’t think you from all people would care about that.”

“It’s not like that. I don’t care about tradition, and shit. But have you any idea of how full of himself he’ll be if I’m the one to propose? I can see his already giant head inflating and flying him to space.”

Barbara laughed.

“Sorry, kiddo. I don’t know how to help you. Nobody proposed to me either.”

“Really? I thought Gordon did, back in the day.”

“He did. Sort of. We talked about it. Even thought all the shit that happen later I’m glad we never got to do the white picket fence, 2.5 kid scenario. That was no life for me. And as much as I’m grateful for how good he is to Babs, I couldn’t take five minutes of Lee’s life.” She shivered. Selina snorted.

“Would you have married Tabby? If you could back then?”

“I don’t know.” She chuckled. “Do you think she would’ve married me?”

“Oh man, imagine how extra that would have been. All rogues in one single place. I’d be the maid of honour, of course. Ivy providing de the décor with some poisoned flowers, Oswald throwing a fit because you were getting more attention than him. Do you think anyone has a minister’s licence?”

“I did something like that to punish Jim. Wore a dress and all” she snorted “I was one crazy bitch back them. Tabby helped.”

“Geez. I don’t even get to imagine a fucked up scenario because reality in this city is crazier.”

“We were so much worse before Tabby took you in. I sometimes wonder if you were what grounded us a little.”

“Really? Because you were such a bitch to me when I went to live with you guys. I used to miss vanilla straight Barbara a lot.”

“Oh honey, I’m sorry. I was jealous.”

“Of what?”

“Tabby. She gave up on me and took you as her new little project.” Barbara rolled her eyes dramatically. “And there was Butch.” She groaned.

“Now I’m very happy that I didn’t have the same destiny as him.”

“Oh kitty-cat, I was jealous but I loved you. I always did. I might even have been jealous of you too. You were my little project first.”

 Two weeks and a family picnic on the Wayne state organized by Alfred, regular post-coitus moon bathing on the roofs and a very interesting day on a boat only the two of them after, nothing changed, except that Holly was home and spread on the carpet with Selina. Her head on the lap of her surrogate mother as Selina played lazily with the strands of hair that were dyed in a fading blue. The girls were in Helena’s room playing videogames. And Barbara was coming from a kitchen a batch of something supposedly drinkable on a tray.

Selina wrinkled her nose.

“What is that?”

“My favourite, alcohol.”

“No thanks.”

“Why not? What’s the point of girl’s night without getting wasted?”

“My stomach is hurting. Bruce took me to that new Indian restaurant three days ago. I’m too white for that.”

“Really? Because I’m pretty sure I have seen you eat rock.”

Holly snorted, Selina pulled her hair not hard enough to hurt enough to send a message.

“Ouch, Selina!”

“I’m getting old, I don’t know Barbara, if I wanted a doctor I’d have called Lee.”

They continued their chatting though the night, Holly telling them all about college drama and they trash talked their mutual friends until they all fell asleep. Selina woke up feeling horrible. Everything was dark. Even Helena’s room was silent. She pushed Barbara’s legs off her lap and got up from the sofa, dragging her wobbling legs to the kitchenette. She barely made to the sink before empting her stomach.

Shit.

She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Fuck, Barbara! Don’t do that!”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” She said is a shaky voice, wiping her mouth. “Maybe I should see a doctor.”

Barbara looked at her with one eyebrow arched and folded arms.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just having a déjà vu now.”

Selina widened her eyes in horror.

“No…”

“You said that too back then.”

“Fuuuuuck.”

The wave of nausea hit again, but now there was just bile. She was still hiccupping when Barbara made her sit down.

“Is it possible?”

Selina just glared at her.

“Very possible, then.”

“I mean. We use protection, mostly. You know I can’t take the pill. But I had my period.”

“Did you?”

“Yes!”

“Did you?”

Selina shut up for a second counting and then she covered her face in realization.

Barbara laughed and walked across Selina returning to the living room. She shook Holly awake.

“Wake up Holly, dear. We have a baby shower to plan.”

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