#I forgot how refreshing it was to have you actually. care what I post lol

[serpentine-sweetheart]

i promise you make more of a difference than you realize

thanks bun <3

[aihoshiino]

Da Vinci Magazine Jan. 2024: A Q&A with Ai of B-Komachi!

In the January 2024 issue of Da Vinci magazine, there was an in-character interview with Ai as written by Aka Akasaka that you can read a translation of here! What I forgot to mention on that initial post is that there was also a little lightning round Q&A the original anon didn't translate at the time. Thankfully, they did post it and I just... completely forgot it existed until now. ;9 Shout out to past me who remembered to save it and kept me from having to dig thru the 4chan archives for it...

Unlike the original interview, this is my translation! So any goofs and gaffes are entirely on me lol. This is also totally spoiler safe, so you can read both this Q&A and the original interview no matter what point you are in the series.

Get to Know Ai Better! Q&A Session

Q. What motto do you live by?

A. I really like "Tomorrow is a new day." I'm one of those people who forgets all their worries after a good nights' sleep. (laughs)

Q. Tell us how you refresh yourself!

A. I like taking naps on my days off. I was saying earlier that I forget my worries once I've gotten some sleep but with this job, it can be hard to find the time to actually do it. Not just that, but lately I've been waking up in the night to take care of this and that, so when I do have the time to sleep, I really conk out.

Q. What is your routine on days off?

A. I wake up, prep some milk… oh, um - I like cornflakes so I always need milk for breakfast. Then I go for a nap (laughs). I know some of the other B-Komachi members like going to beauty salons or nail salons, but I don't do nails and I let my hair grow out so I'm usually just at home (laughs). I even cut my own bangs! I've been doing it for years so I'm pretty good at it. I've even cut other peoples' hair once or twice, though not anyone in B-Komachi.

Q. Your 20th birthday's coming up soon. What are you looking forward to doing once it arrives?

A. I want to try drinking alcohol. The president of my agency keeps saying, "I can't wait to have a drink with you!" He makes it sound like a lot of fun, so I'm curious to know what getting tipsy's like.

Q. What book left the biggest impression on you this year?

A. It's a manga, but I was moved to tears by "I'll Go With Sweet Today". The heroine is a girl who distrusts people and develops anorexia, becoming terrified of eating… I have a bit of that in me too, though not quite to the same extent she does, so I could really relate to her and her journey to recovery really moved me. If there's ever a live-action version, I'd love to play her!

Q: What would you like to do after the Dome concert?

A: I'd like to go on a trip or something. Where would be nice... Oh, I've heard of 'Mito Natto' before, so maybe Mito!

Q: What's something a fan said that made you happy?

A. You know, I didn't used to read any fan letters at all. But there was a time I was getting tired of being an idol and I was planning to quit, so the president made me sit down and read all the letters I'd gotten. That was the first time I'd ever realized just how much support I was getting and it made me go "in that case, I'll give them all my love and support in return!". I even wrote a song about it. So now I treasure all the letters and words I get from my fans. I actually got a gift from a fan recently, some 'star sand'. It was really beautiful and my real name "star" in it, it made me really happy. I've still got it displayed in my room.

Q: What is "true love" to you?

A. I guess if I had to sum it up, I'd say true love is being a genius who doesn't lie. I think maybe people lie to avoid lying. I'm not sure if that's a good answer and even I don't know if it makes sense, but it's just something I feel.

Q: Do you think you're a liar?

A: Hmm~~? That's a se~cret! (laughs)

[fluffypotatey]

Macaque Book Club AU

He’s the only one asides from Tang probably who has read JTTW. So in his little book club because let’s be honest, between the theatre and the graffiti lego set, he seems like the kind to have a couple modern day hobbies in the arts like your grandma who has a bunch of friends to gossip with at the knitting meet or the greenhouse. He’s the only monkey actually using his human disguise actively so, I imagine they get together at the local library, someone brings refreshments Macky is allergic to by virtue of being a monkey but they get him addicted to (insert snack/drink of your choice) and he gets into fandom discourse at the book club with someone whose like “the 6EM from the book was a one off villain who died ages ago, get over it” but to him, on the worst nights it all comes back. (And maybe this is recently right after Shadow Play so.) oh wait pff, we’re going to need a new recent trigger I forgot he gets kidnapped right after 😭 okay so maybe this person is what pushes him to write the play. I hope you know the exact like of fandom discourse I’m talking about bc I’m really pulling from people who are like??? why are you hyperfixated on this one thing? And maybe Tang eventually puts the pieces together about who this guy is. I also can’t help but start thinking about how lonely Macky might actually be, because you’d THINK he’d be the anti social one but Wukong is the one isolating himself for a thousand years with 13 cats, I mean a bunch of baby monkeys. Meanwhile, Macranberry is out there in Six Earred Hearing Hell in the city and super chatty whenever we see him. He wasn’t as chatty around the Brotherhood. Only with Wukong as needed who was full out dancing on the tables lol, things change eh? Even defeating the smoke monster feels like an attempt at catching up to your friend who got a real job while you’re just starting college. (Aka when Wukong and his shiny new hero legend status sealed the Bull King.) He says there was nobody who could stop the two of them in the Celestial Realm or on earth but we know that 1) Macky doesn’t like the Celestial Realm. 2) They definitely weren’t spending all day there back then with the overthrowing plotting and also got defeated hard. 3) They weren’t actually vigilante heroing back then if Wukong picked up his demon defeating status after the journey. 4) Would Macky ever do that on his own or was it always with Wukong until he tried it out post-resurrection like everything else presumably new about him. He probably meant “nobody could stop Wukong’s mischief that I helped him out with but he mostly did all the big things like immortal peach stealing and the book of the dead himself and I was there for uh, moral support. And baffled that he did that. But I’m going to pretend to MK that we were a cool team and equals and this wasn’t just a precursor to our eventual fall out. Sorry Mr. “yeah you always did have a sidekick kinda vibe.”

careful, anon, he could hear you 👀

but lmao i love this au!!!! also, since Tang is in the same book club as Macky (and i kinda want them to always get into “scholarly” debates when it comes to jttw because it’s Tang’s favorite book and….well, Macky has a monkey problem…..), Tang is invited by Macky to the shadowplay, so end of 2x07 is basically

MK: uh…so that’s Macackle— Tang: MY BOOK CLUB NEMESIS WAS FHE SIX EARED MACAQUE THIS WHILE TIME??? MK: yeah, he— sorry, book club? Tang: THAT BITCH HE FUCKING LAUGHED AT MY ANALYSIS ON THE MONK AND WUKONG!!

and then you’ll just have Tang screaming at Macky throughout s3 about how he must answer for his “crimes” of withholding valuable academic information (3x08 is just them arguing about the content in jttw but it’s not actually about jttw rather about Macky himself and his blind anger obscuring his memories. they just use the book as a cover for the true conversation)

[atopearth]

Amnesia: Memories Part 7 - REPLAY Thoughts

Since Later X Crowd is out, I am playing Amnesia: Memories again for a refresh! Amnesia was my first proper otome game that I played so it holds a special place in my heart even though I really only liked Kent, Ikki and maybe Ukyo, but one thing I'll never forget is how much I love how pretty everyone is! Anyway, I won't do full on comments about each route since I've played the game before, but I guess I will mention things that I might feel differently about now? I have also decided to start with Toma because he was my least favourite haha!

Toma (Diamond World)

I still remember back in the day when I thought Toma would fulfill my big brother cravings for an LI, it had a bit of it until my heart was crushed haha! I forgot about how scary Ukyo can be lol. And I forgot that Toma puts drugs in her food so she'll sleep and not run outside and get killed LOL. Like yeah, I do remember those bad endings where if the heroine goes out, she ends up dead but seriously c'mon Toma haha. I guess one thing we can be happy about is how unapologetically crazy Toma is, loved how he was like he would confine both Shin and her here if she followed them to hear what they're talking about. Why can't Orion just eavesdrop though lol. Anyway, Toma is wild! I really forgot alot of details haha! I mean I'll never forget getting locked up in a large dog cage, but I definitely forgot the handcuffs! I think what I couldn't help but like about Toma despite how drastic his actions are is that he knows what he's doing is wrong. His analogy of the heroine being a captive princess, him being the demon king and Shin being the hero made it evident that he recognises his actions of locking her in a dog cage is wrong, but in his own twisted way, he assessed that this is the only way he could think of that would make sure she would be safe no matter what, and I guess to me, it's his own twisted way of taking care of her and that's enough. His immense guilt for doing this to her always gets to me even though I know he's crazy. Lmao, I love their childhood memory of the heroine telling Toma she likes him and wants to get married to him, and when Toma asks her then what about Shin, she's like Shin can be their child hahaha, she's so funny. Anyway, I actually forgot how crazy Ikki's fan club was and I definitely think the police should definitely be called because these girls are nuts. Otherwise, I enjoyed Toma's story much more than I thought would haha! I think his sincere desire to protect the heroine always made me like him even if he was insane lol. Looking back on my previous post, it seems like I was pretty scared of Toma when I first played his route haha! Now that I've played many more games, I think I can appreciate him for who he is now despite how crazy he is lol.

Shin (Heart World)

Are they dating already?! I don't remember that. All I remember is Shin not letting her eat cake because she'll get fat lolol. I feel like all he did was confess to her from memory🤔 BAHAHA, yes I now remember why I was so annoyed with Shin back in the day. He asks what she wants for their one year anniversary, you ask for a cake, and he's like no, you'll get fat AND has the audacity to add that you're already pretty round, yes I would like to kill him thanks. Contrary to what I expected though, I think I quite enjoyed Shin's character this time around, maybe I've built more tolerance to his types because I didn't think he was too harsh, or even when he felt quite harsh, he always doubled down and did something else to make it less bad e.g. when he called the heroine slow at unpacking but starts unpacking for her lol. He's got no delicacy, isn't good with words, kinda bossy but he's nice and kind, and always puts the heroine as the main priority no matter what and I guess I like that about him. I think what really made me like him was when he was scared holding the baseball bat at the lodging saying he was scared to hurt someone but he knew that if it was to protect her, he would do whatever he needed to do no matter what, and I think that touched me. The fact that even Shin has things he's very scared of but is willing to go against for her. And I quite liked how the heroine was a very resilient person towards criticism and proved to Shin how great of a singer she could be. I think their relationship would be great. I also really liked the mystery in this route because even though I vaguely remembered that it should be Toma, similar to when I first played this route, I never wanted to think it was Toma. I was always more ready to put the blame on Shin hahahah. Honestly, the confession hurt because you know how much it hurt all of them but how much it was needed for them all to move on. And you could see how everyone always prioritised the other, like the heroine immediately wanting to forget what Toma did to her the moment she realised who the culprit was and what he did to her, and Toma didn't want to reveal it because he knew it would hurt them knowing why and what happened, and Shin didn't want to reveal it but still felt like he had to for all their sakes. It was sad but I think I definitely appreciate Shin's route this time around haha! He's not just the boy that calls you fat haha!

Ikki (Spade World)

I remember liking Ikki and Kent so I'm quite excited to do this again! HAHAHA the Waka in this world was the most memorable for me, how could I ever forget the guy who says the customer is the enemy as a motto for morning assembly before starting work😂😂😂 Another memorable thing is the parfait CG, I love it so much! Something I've always enjoyed about this game is Kent and Ikki's relationship, they're so fun together I love them hahaha. Honestly, I can see why people complain about Ikki's route because it really does basically revolve around the fan club and accommodating them, but when I see moments with Ikki trying his best to win the heroine's heart and sincerely show his feelings and his true thoughts, I can't help but feel for him and acknowledge how difficult it is to be a sensitive and emotional person who has to deal with rejecting people constantly and how much of a toll that must be on him mentally. And honestly, considering how crazy the fan club is, it's very understandable why Ikki does what he does hoping to protect the heroine from them because he knows that if it gets too out of hand, it'll hurt her and there's a chance he might not be able to protect her from them especially with how many of them there are. I think I'm starting to remember why I really liked Ikki. I liked his vulnerability that he shows the heroine, and I like how serious he is towards her and how he honestly tells her that. And I guess it's refreshing to see the dilemmas of having so many people "love you". I still think the whole fanclub thing was solved way too easily for how crazy they were though lol.

Kent (Clover World)

Lmao, playing Kent's route again really makes laugh and love him. His messages that just say good morning and goodnight lolll. I think one thing that particularly stood out for me with Kent's route is that the heroine had a strong personality in this world that vastly affected their relationship because they both kept butting heads due to their personalities and it was fun and interesting to understand why they always fought with each other and yet still stayed together. Anyway, Ikki's World's Waka was scary in his own way but this one? Terrifying lol! I guess what I enjoy about Kent is how love is basically something illogical to the point that he can't understand the need for doing something like holding hands, but he still admits that he wants to hold the heroine's hand despite how he doesn't understand the logic for it and I think that's cute. Honestly, it felt like I had amnesia too playing this game because I forgot so many things but I'm slowly recovering my memories of them as I play. Other than remembering that I enjoyed this route because it's funny how Kent can be so silly, sweet but also ridiculous with his math problems lol, when the heroine admitted her memory loss, it finally clicked to me to remember why I loved Kent and his route so much. It was because the heroine losing her memories was a good thing for their relationship, and that seeing how scared Kent was of the heroine remembering how much she hated him was difficult for him to bear, especially now that they've gotten closer. It's an interesting contrast from how if the heroine didn't lose her memories in Toma's route, then she would have confessed to him and things would be fine lol.

I completely forgot about Kent's parents and their CG. I mean, their reason for not cooking isn't wrong but yeah you can see why Kent is the way he is lol. Seeing Kent all flustered really makes my heart warm because thinking about him at the beginning of this route compared to now is just so endearing, and it also shows how much he cherishes the heroine now and how afraid he is of what he did in the past and how much he doesn't want to lose her. I still remember her dog because of how cruel Kent was to her at that moment haha, it was understandable for her to say she hated him, just as it was understandable for Kent to be so scared of her remembering this memory and then hating him again. Just like when I first played the game, I still prefer the normal ending and how much more realistic it is for me haha.

Overall, I think what I really enjoyed about Kent's route is how much Kent changes. He doesn't understand much about how to love a person in the beginning, which is fine and hilarious to watch, but seeing him improve so much because the heroine lost her memories and was more patient with him made it very sweet. They both liked each other but couldn't stop arguing every time they met, yet continued to meet with each other because they liked each other, and I liked that, the fact that despite their differences, they both wanted their relationship to work out, and it did with the help of Orion haha! Watching Kent understand the fear of how it feels to possibly lose the one you love was nice because you could really see how much better he was at expressing how much he loved and cherished the heroine.

Ukyo (Joker World)

I completely forgot that everyone works at the cafe in this route, how fun! Everyone except Waka is fun hahaha, lmao legit died when he said he would kill Sawa with a straight face if she makes another mistake, next best Waka after 'the customer is the enemy!' one?🤣 The more I play, the more I remember how much I liked Ukyo, like yeah he's dangerous and could kill the heroine at any time, but his genuine love for her and desire to protect her always hits me hard and I just can't hate him. One other thing I really like about this route is Rika being a good friend, so much better than when she's maliciously crazy for Ikki lol. Anyway, I remember why I loved Ukyo's route so much haha. I think I really loved Ukyo and the heroine's relationship. Honestly, it's probably the "best" relationship out of the routes because they had a beautiful fateful meeting, met again coincidentally and started dating, but then everything just had to end tragically and even if it ended tragically that way, if supernatural powers or Nhil weren't involved, maybe he could have gotten over her one day, but because there was the possibility of saving her from death, Ukyo tried again and again to see her, save her but couldn't stop himself from falling into insanity after dying again and again, and I'm sure once his other personality came about, knowing that he killed her again and again must have broken him too. I really enjoyed how sincerely they both loved each other and how their relationship should have been so normal and sweet, but they were dragged into this fate of death that they both couldn't get out of when all they wanted was just to be together, it's such a tragic love, and I loved watching over them as they both got closer again even though Ukyo tried his best to distance himself, they were so cute. The reveal was very interesting and I really enjoyed the explanation about the weather haha, but yeah I do think I enjoyed this route quite a bit, just like I did back in the day when I first played this. I couldn't help but fall for Ukyo's genuine love for the heroine again, he was so adorable. I would always forgive him.

Overall, I still love Amnesia: Memories as much as I did back in the day, or even more actually! I'd rate it an 8/10 despite the heroine never really talking until the end of the routes, I'd say the exceptions are probably Ukyo and Kent's routes where she actually talks quite a bit or her personality shines through alot through the interactions and choices. Anyway, I got used to it and didn't mind that she didn't "talk" because I never really felt like she was a blank slate. But yeah, I probably did enjoy this more than I did back then because I actually enjoyed every single route this time around! Everyone was so fun in their own way. I loved uncovering the mystery of Shin's route, loved the uncertainty and uncomfortable atmosphere of Toma's cage, loved the angst and fear of Kent being hated, loved how it felt like we couldn't trust Ikki's love when he's actually the one who loved the heroine so much and didn't want to be lonely anymore, and I super loved the tragic love between Ukyo and the heroine. They were all so good, and the bad endings are really easy to get in the sense that you can very easily die, which is fun in its own way haha. I'm glad I played this game again before diving into Later x Crowd because it was definitely a great refresher of everything and it helped me to once again appreciate how much I enjoyed each guys' personalities and how much they all love the heroine in their own way.

[bleachbleachbleach]

29 hours

Every couple months I come back to this (or some variant of this), but like... Do you ever wonder what the heck Hitsugaya and Matsumoto did for 29 hours?

They get this jigokuchou email when they’re watching over Hinamori, after their brief altercation with Ichimaru. “29 hours” initially seems very arbitrary (not that I could expect the Council of 46, real or imagined, to not be arbitrary), but Ukitake seems to insinuate that it just lines up with noon the next day:

Which implies that the jigokuchou would have gone out at ~7AM. I buy that. The morning of the execution also begins “5 hours before the execution,” so maybe 7AM is just the start of the regular business day in the Seireitei. A budget meeting and then a brown bag execution during lunch!

Hitsugaya tells Matsumoto they should use these hours to “stop the execution.” But like... 

24+ hours later:

That is not... That plan does not seem any more developed than it was the day before, lol?? I’m just really curious about what it is they were up to.

Once they reach the Council of 46 (and apparently they had something else to do that morning because it also doesn’t seem like they leave for the Council of 46 until the execution is literally beginning, and there’s some wiggle room in between 7AM and that, since other people are busily getting into skirmishes and Byakuya is off killing Renji), Hitsugaya informs the readers that:

the Council of 46 would not be swayed by a single captain’s objection

they forced their way into the chambers, so it’s not like they were waiting for an invitation to be there. (Not that they would have received one.)

So after a full day of brainstorming, was their plan to... ask for something that they knew would certainly would not be granted and then just show up at the door uninvited to ask for something they knew would not be granted, to see if that would work?

We do know what Ukitake did with his 29 hours:

Appeals unsuccessfully to the Council of 46, as anticipated

Un-seals big powerful Shihouin shield thingy

Some options I’d like to propose for how the 10th spent those 29 hours:

sent a Comment or Complaint thru the Council of 46′s online portal

refreshed that page multiple times

waited

“But it says our feedback is valuable and they’ll get back to us as soon as possible.”

snacks

sleep (in fairness, they were at least one all-nighter in already, and it had been a long day of Aizen being brutally slaughtered and then failing to keep Hinamori in jail)

Change.Org?

realized they’d failed to spend any time actually doing their jobs re: emergency mobilization re: ryoka, a thing they do not appear to care about at all, ever, the entire arc, had to go make some work assignment charts and hold a bystander intervention training (rando 10th people do show up to the post-execution kerfuffle, so...?)

more snacks

wrote ICHIMARU on a blackboard many times

Matsumoto had to fix Haineko, which Shinsou cracked, so I guess that’s important

open MS Word / blinking cursor / close MS Word

“Fuck it, we have a four-hour commute; we’re bound to figure something out on the way.” (Narrator: They did not.)

Maybe Hitsugaya had to go attend to the fact that he’d released shikai but had no ryoka to show for it, or explain Aizen’s bonkers letter. But it seems like everyone except Hinamori continued to be unaware of/ignored the accusation because it was too bonkers. 

ALSO, while we’re here, I definitely forgot that not only did Aizen say Hitsugaya had killed him, he also said that Hitsugaya was the one who’d arranged for Rukia’s execution so he could steal the Sougyoku and destroy Soul Society. Which sounds ridiculous, because Hitsugaya is way too boring to have thought up that plan. XDDD (On the other hand he 1) was mysteriously absent for the “emergency measures” captain’s meeting, 2) at no point engaged the ryoka, 3) attacked a Captain, and 4) broke into the Council of 46, which all actually does look sus af, lol.)

Whatever. I love them. Amazing. Excellent contribution to the stopping of the execution. As long as the execution in question is the execution of their own plan. 😅<3

[power-chords]

Post-trip round-up, integration, thoughts (cut for length & some Heavy Shit)

WOW I needed that and I am so glad I realized I needed that. It has been well over ten years since I last took LSD, and my reluctance to indulge in psychedelics again was rooted in a long and complicated history that I don't really need to hash out here, but doing a mild dose of mushrooms last weekend gave me the confidence and conviction that I was ready.

Would it have been wiser to take a less bonkers dose for the first time in a decade plus? Probably! Do I regret a single moment of it? Not a whit! It's tough to overstate just how powerful, therapeutic, and restorative a good acid trip is, even an occasionally intense, uncomfortable one. I do not recommend eating multiple tabs of extremely good blotter on your first rodeo, but Adam's even more of a veteran psychonaut than I am, so I was 1000% well cared for, totally safe, and in a comfortable, familiar environment. In that setting, and in a positive frame of mind, acid is not going to throw anything at you that you are not equipped to handle. I would love to make this an annual or biannual thing.

The cool, funny, wacky delightful stuff:

Put it under my tongue at 10 AM-ish. Went to go listen to some music and doodle until it kicked in. I forgot that the come-up is like, do not make any fucking plans involving hand-eye coordination LMAO. I was trying to doodle Bowery Ballroom in an old sketchbook, and that devolved quickly. The markers were old so some of the caps were really stuck on there, and I wound up devolving into fits of laughter from the absurdity of pulling the caps off with my teeth.

Ink stains on my hands started writhing and trailing and were very cool. That was the first thing I noticed. I got very sad that I stopped drawing and making art, which was something I did all my life and almost went to school for but stopped doing as an adult. And then I realized I could start drawing again any time if I wanted to, and I didn't have to be GOOD at it or a proper artist for it to be worthwhile and fun. Felt immediately happy again.

Adam decided to watch Lethal Weapon???? I was like, Don't Like That. Even though he had headphones on and I couldn't hear anything. I am ambivalent about screens at best when I'm tripping, and at worst I don't even want to be in the same room with them. Guns and violence seemed comically, brutally stupid. Turned my back to the TV and continued drawing and writing until I could no longer hold a pen. Eventually Adam got on my wavelength and was like yeah, this is too much! (He took like, twice the dose that I did. I have no idea how he was even able to talk to me, but he managed!)

Felt the need to message Liana while peaking, picked up my phone, and saw that she had already sent me this:

I thought that was HILARIOUS (tbh it actually was, and it was not just the acid talking)

For the first few hours of teeth-grinding, reality-shearing intensity, Adam and I mostly lounged in bed with the shades pulled all the way up and the window open, cuddling and petting Ernie. Fantastic bonding experience for the whole fam.

Looking at every surface in the apartment became like looking at a stained glass ceiling, or an infinite mandala, or the muddied rainbows in oil-slicked puddles. It looked like Ernie's fur was breathing and someone had colored all over the white parts of him with a highlighter. Adam agreed with this assessment. Formica on the kitchen counters was bananas. So were the trees outside, rippling like celluloid and brighter green than I had ever seen them.

The two of us spent a good 15 minutes doubled over with laughter because Adam suggested a contraption for funneling Fancy Feast directly into Ernie's mouth, kind of like shotgunning a beer

Adam: "I can't believe I used to to this and get on the subway and try to do things with people." Me: "What? How did you even figure out how to get from Point A to Point B?" Adam: "I mean, we didn't, really. We usually got lost. It was fine, though." Truly, it's about the friends you make along the way!

The second half of the trip, when things are starting to mellow out a bit, is when you become a real rock star. I went outside for a walk around the neighborhood, and to sit in the park with my headphones on while watching kids play on the playground, and it was ECSTATIC. I was just overjoyed. My face still hurts from smiling.

Forgot that I needed money to realize my goal of obtaining a popsicle, so I had to detour back into the apartment and explain all of this to my husband before resuming the popsicle quest. He thought it was very funny, but sympathized.

Fresh air, popsicles and San Pellegrino on acid. On another level! 100/10.

Bathrooms still universally suck, LOL. -10/10. Not a fan of that bathroom while tripping face! Every time I had to pee it was like WELL here we go again into the Pink Squirming Hell Chamber (I am making this sound like more of a big deal than it actually was)

15 HOURS. 15 HOURS Jesus Christ lmao I did not stop seeing weird shit on screens and surfaces until like 1 AM. And even then, if I stared long enough, funky colors and patterns would re-emerge. It's a commitment. I feel happy and refreshed, but also totally exhausted. Definitely have to budget a full weekend of No Plans for any future trips.

The Heavy Shit:

There is some Cronenberg-level body horror right before the visuals get super rainbow-stained and stereotypically psychedelic, which sounds bad, but I promise it isn't. It's watching the veins pulse under your skin and change into very saturated colors, pores and hair and scars become very defined and wiggly, and as someone who has so much bodily anxiety related to my alopecia/IBS, it was weirdly... freeing? You get to experience all this stuff in an entirely new frame of mind, shedding judgment and old thought ruts. I remember thinking, "I do not need to feel shame about my body," and letting go of so much baggage.

At some point mid-afternoon I decided to retrieve my phone from the drawer again, and saw that I had a missed call and a voicemail from my dad. I decided to play it back, and he was just phoning to tell me that he was listening to a live version of "Sally Simpson" and Keith was doing this thing where he wasn't even touching the cymbals, and had I listened to that specific performance before and noticed the same thing, and wasn't he truly the greatest drummer that ever lived? "Anyway, no need to call me back, just wanted to let you know. I love my bubbie!" (His term of endearment for me.) And I went to go sit in bed and weep for a straight 15 minutes, the most cleansing, purging cry you could possibly imagine, while Adam hugged me and rubbed my back. I was overwhelmed, overcome by this feeling of cosmic Love and Connection with my family and my husband and all of my friends.

I had been sitting on and burying so much fear and distress from the past 18 months, the chronic, low-grade trauma that was worrying if COVID was going to kill my father, my best friend and closest confidante and the one person on earth who I feel truly Gets Me on a spiritual level, and all of that came out. Fully processed and released every ounce of grief. What replaced it was the absolute, unshakable faith that no matter what happens — including my greatest fear, which is inevitable, no matter how far off it may be — he will always be with me, and a part of me, in the music we both love, and I will never, ever lose that.

[shinjukuspiritcommittee]

Top 20 2021

My Favorites (updated)

Hello my readers, it’s been a while since I just posted something not related to a headcanon and I am doing one right now. I just wanted to take a bit of a break to just get SOMETHING on here on my days off work. Plus I’m just trying to find my groove when it comes to writing again so hopefully this helps me just get back into the mood of making a post more often lol. I wanted to revisit this topic for a while just because we’ve had a lot more events and a lot more alts in the game were added. And I know for a fact LifeWonders reads these posts in some capacity because I have meme’d an AR into the game with my top picks from the last list I did for Christmas 2019. No I didn’t. I’m just joking around and I know LifeWonders doesn’t read this.

Anyways rather than just make up a list on the spot like last year I decided to use the Housamo Sortmaker (Link: https://club.housamo.xyz/sortmaker/ ) to try and make a list that’s more revealing to what I was thinking at the time. Since I talked about 20 characters ish last time I’m just gonna read from my 20th place to my 1st place spots and try to justify whatever I was thinking at the time. Anyways-

20: Marchosias and Susan: This one was a surprise for me if I’m being honest but I’m just gonna blame the fact on Shukou’s recent involvement with LifeWonders in the form of Live A Hero and how Ryekie and Mokdai live in my headspace rent free whenever I think about the characters in that game. Maybe we can see about getting some LAH headcanons since that’s a LifeWonders property too). So out of all the characters Shukou drew for Housamo why did I pick Marchosias? Easy, it’s been 4 years and this poor man has yet to receive a proper alt or any kind of skin for that matter and I think that it’s a crime. Sure he’s not my favorite but he’s definitely grown on me because he’s just a gentle dad kind of character and his design has grown on me over the years. I just hope he doesn’t get left behind since he has a lot of really interesting and potential things to look forward to in the future given how the main story has unfolded.

19: Shiva/Algernon: The helmet heads are together because DAI XT quickly became my favorite artist for Fire Emblem Heroes and I really just like their designs. DAI XT just knows how to draw robots, armor and muscles well. Also Chapter 11 with Shiva you can read into some interesting perspectives. I don’t want to spoil any of the untranslated content for anyone who’s waiting for the official english translation. But if you are curious Roureem has a blogspot where he posts summaries of the newly released events.

Link: https://housamosummaries.blogspot.com/

18: Cthugha: I love this goober so much. He’d constantly try to act super sentai just trying say good morning everyday. He may not be very bright but that just adds to his charm and honestly I enjoy how he always tries to play the hero in a lot of scenarios because it’s refreshing when they implement him after a bunch of heavy hitting story stuff. I’m not gonna spoil too much about it but I will say he’s more than welcome after everything Chapter 10 and 11 put the reader through.

17: Mineaki: I’ve made a post about him being one of my least favorites way back when I first started this blog and let me just say how times have changed and I’ve learned the value of not judging a book by it’s cover. I still think there’s something a bit off about Kowmei’s style for his characters, but Mineaki has definitely grown on me. He’s a caring instructor who does watch out for his students even if it’s not always in the most direct way possible. Not to get into too many spoilers he’s got a lot of intrigue around him as well and I am curious to see his role get expanded down the line.

16: Ded: Housamo is the reason I really like christmas. The Christmas stories despite following a similar structure to each other do tend to be my favorite stories. Ded himself is also just another good dad character. He’s also two guys for the price of one, so I mean… you know… you’ve got the forever ask your other dad situation. There wasn’t much thought put into this choice I just like santa as a concept because I think the outfits are cute, it’s always nice to get something for people you care about on Christmas and Ded is the perfect embodiment of both sides to Christmas.

15: Shinya: Everyone we need to manifest buff Shinya for 2021, this is not a drill. This is legitimate. We must make Taromati’s and my wish come true. To be more serious again he’s just a sweet and gentle character. He’s also drawn by my favorite Housamo artist. Their characters always just look so naturally good. I’m just surprised he hasn’t gotten much of an alt given he’s perfect material for Valentine’s day. He’s just a soft boy and I would love for him to be in more things because I just enjoy seeing him.

14: Jacob: I have to be honest Jacob is on here because every time I look at him he just gets more handsome to me. I wasn’t all that impressed with his introduction and we don’t know much about his background but I’ve just been drawn to him more and more. Maybe it’s just because he’s drawn by GomTang? I just like looking at him and I can’t help it. To speak a bit less crass he’s another gentleman kind of guy and those are always nice.

13: Shennong: Yeah I like the doc a lot. Firstly, I’m a huge sucker for big bulls and Shennong fits the bill. The white fur really adds to his appeal visually and the purple horns give off a bit of an unnatural appearance. Shen feels like someone who’s been touch starved and alone for a long time given how he acts as a character and when we actually hug him I just lost it. He always has others well being on his mind so he’s not afraid to jump in and help, or give a much needed lecture about when you need to take better care of yourself. He just comes across as very well balanced overall.

12: Heracles: I won’t lie- at first he didn’t interest me much. He looked incredibly plain when among the rest of the cast and he seemed like the typical “bait” character since the banner had Echo, Barguest, Gyumao and Snow. But after reading the translation for Valentine Time Slip I was taken aback at how much of a gentle giant he turned out to be and I just really liked his interactions with the others in that event. And honestly his special quest from that year was one of the more unique ones given the slower pace and more romantic vibe it had. After the event warmed my heart I did a complete 180 and I just knew I really liked him.

11. Yasuyori: Before I start praising him I feel I have to justify why he didn’t quite make top 10 and it will have some mild Chapter 10 spoilers. To be as vague as possible his resolution just didn’t vibe with me at the end of Chapter 10. Like it wasn’t a bad resolution and it was the right choice to make but in my opinion there really wasn’t a moment I felt was clear where he made a choice for himself. Everything just sort of happened around him and it felt like he didn’t really do much to improve his situation. To an extent I kind of see that being the idea given his origins and the story he’s based on and there is some semblance of him coming to terms with himself alongside his isolation being portrayed pretty well, but I just wasn’t satisfied with it as much as I would like to be. With that out of the way, oh my god I just want this boy to never stop smiling and I just want to give him hugs constantly please he just deserves to be happy!!! Yasuyori is a character who’s got a lot of baggage and he’s just trying to find ways to properly cope with his trauma and not repeat past mistakes and I just really like that idea. His role in Xmas 2020 (sorry I just forgot the name of that event, but its when he gets his alt) was a much better representation for his character in my eyes. I’m not gonna spoil anything like I keep saying but he isn’t one to disappoint in future appearances and I just hope this lovable lug keeps getting the support he deserves.

10: Hephaestus: A spicy way to start the latter half of the list. I just want to give this lad a hug and tell him he is worthy of love. But at the same time he is a little shit… and I love that. I can’t fully explain why I grow a paternal instinct in me seeing this grown man sob about his mother but I just do. I want to keep him safe and give him all the affection he wants. Though I am aware a lot of Hephaestus’s interest in his parental figure is… questionable. I am just gonna say I would accept his love for what it is and he just wants approval.

9. Shuten: I’ll be honest I have no proper reason for why I like Shuten so much. He’s just a cool and reliable guy. He just seems like a go with the flow kind of person most of the time and he’s a bit more direct than most of the characters which I always appreciate. Plus I have an unspoken bias for naop guys in Housamo.

8. Durga: While not number 1 on this list, I still really like Durga. She’s quirky but not to an annoying degree, she’s determined and definitely very confident in her own abilities. Her growing to be more sociable throughout her events is something I enjoy seeing because it really creates this sense of growth.

7. Kyuma: I get a lot of people don’t like Kowmei’s art but I really think we should look past it because Kyuma is one of the sweeter picks. He’s someone who just wants to prove himself for his own worth and not what David can provide, but David is part of him and it just creates the potential for a good arc. Plus this boy is unintentionally smooth and will just take your heart when possible. I honestly want to see Kyuma more in events because he’s honestly the jock that carries 3 of the 4 brain cells. He’s also the last one without an alt so I’m just hoping he gets one in 2021 because he really deserves one in my opinion. (Also fan art makes him really cute).

6. Tomte: Tomte is relatively new but honestly his event in 2019 really endeared me to him. I’m trying to be spoiler free because the best way to enjoy these stories is for yourselves but let me just say his arc in the event was really endearing to me and much more than I was expecting. His fan service is also incredibly hammy and I love it. Visually Tomte is one of my favorites, I love his multi colored hair and starlit pupils cuz it makes his otherwise more generic look have some flare. I knew I liked him out the box and when I read about him in the summaries and can’t wait to read the official translation for him. I was just very endeared.

5. Tetsuya: Tetsuya fucks. Moving on…

Jokes aside this one’s a bit simple. I have no shame in admitting I think he’s attractive and his whole resistance towards wanting a relationship is cute in a weird roundabout way. When he says no I just want it MORE. I just really like duo haired tsunderes.

4. Kengo: Kengo 3rd alt 2021. Please LifeWonders I need my favorite Summoner. He’s a bro and that’s what counts. Kengo has got your back, not afraid to rely on you, a very fun and dynamic guy. Sure he’s not that bright when it comes to making plans or any book smart, but there are times where he’s the best at being able to read the room or just understand what someone needs to hear even if it isn’t always what someone wants to hear. His bullheaded nature is actually one of his redeeming qualities because it’s nice to just not overcomplicate things and just understand what’s actually going on. Yes the early story didn’t do many favors for him but to me the events, especially the later ones, do much more work for his character. To me, at least.

3. Ashigara: Ashigara is best bear, and I will defend that stance in 2021. The main thing that draws me to Ashigara is that I can see a bit of myself in him. He gets very emotional when he gets left alone, he’s very loud when with his friends, has a tendency of speaking his mind- just someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. I also appreciate that in spite of the negative he isn’t someone who backs down when the going gets tough and in a few instances he’s able to hold his ground physically at least.

2. Wakan Tanka: Love at first sight. This ray of sunshine still persists as the number 1 husband, but number 2 character. Firstly I am a huge fan of the partial beast aesthetic. The buffalo ears and the horns  are absolutely adorable. Secondly he’s a perfect body type; he’s not too muscular but not exactly flabby. Third he is just so positive and I love that. He’s someone I admire and wanna hug.

1. Taurus Mask: The more things change the more they stay the same. I’m still a big Taurus Mask fan for all the same reasons as last time. I just… relate to this boy. He is an incredibly shy boy who uses his public persona for confidence. Maybe I’m reading too much into it but it’s like we’re soul bros!

So yeah, my tastes haven’t changed in a year and a half.

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale S5 Ep11 Thoughts *Spoilers*

thoughts under cut to keep tag from being cluttered :)

- Oh yeah I forgot that Chad was blackmailing Veronica about the dirty dealings in her company even though it’s not her at all (unless it’s just been so long and I’ve forgotten but she’s my baby and I feel like I would’ve remembered but-

- Hiram and this dumb prison is one of the worst things for this show it’s a constant plot of people escaping and it’s so annoying like sure Hiram owns it and he was in the jail but no one has, like, taken him back to jail…??? Hiram is a fucking disease smh

- “back to remote learning” why didn’t you just stay that way though… like even right now in covid schools are opening back up and kids are complaining because it’s still not safe so like… just… go back to it??? I’m so not built for this world fasdhfkahf

- Veronica and Smithers 🥺🥺💞💞

- the way Veronica hugs Archie is so cute bc she’s so tiny but like she always gives her all and Archie is just 😐 never giving anything ahjfsdfsh it’s quite sad you can tell how done KJ is with Varchie lol

- “I really hate that I’m dragging you through this.” … what about constantly pulling him into your mob boss father mess that the writers refuse to allow you to escape from?

- “until you and Chad are officially done, I think we should keep our distance.” Varchie bones!!! you just KNOW that Archie has been looking forward to this because that man is whole heartedly in love with Betty and has been since forever and that while Chad prolongs the divorce papers, Archie will not be waiting for Veronica considering he doesn’t want her. Varchie = bones we love to see it!

- now who tf would join Penelope Blossom’s ministry… no one, realistically.

- can Cheryl stop being given the craziest and usually most boring plots ever please...

- Not someone holding a gun to Tabitha literally don’t hurt Riverdale’s best girl weirdo

- these bitches really haven’t aged huh…. poor Veronica though being robbed but like they stole some watches or something and the opal like that’s all you take..?? okay-

- Fangs 💞💞💞💞💞 also rip to him having to work with his ex tho

- STOP HAVING ARCHIE GO TO HIRAM WE’RE TIRED

- You know considering the whole reason why Hiram is still here as the villain and ruining Veronica’s life/growth to keep her in his plots al because Mark is a big soap opera celeb and apparently brings in money, you’d assume they would give him GOOD shit instead of everything he’s gotten. If they hadn’t of hired Mark can you imagine how much better off the show would be if they didn’t have to keep him around bc of his status????? God why-

- Reggie’s always there for Veronica muah…. oh fuck me I guess fjasjkdf

- “I work for one Lodge and it’s not you.” lmao okay??? you acting like that’s a flex, and that you’re working for the better Lodge who literally left you to die after the Serpents thought you shot Fangs so-

- MARTY BEING WHY REGGIE IS WORKING FOR HIRAM…….. YOUR DAD IS ABUSIVE LET HIM HANDLE HIS OWN DEBT??? God both Veronica and Reggie are always fucked over when it comes to their parents huh

- don’t you just love when they make characters act ooc for a plot ahhhhhh it’s totally fun to watch and totally not frustratingly annoying

- “FOR OLD TIMES SAKE.” 💞💞💞 we love Veggie even though they made Veronica act ooc and hurt him back then and they weren’t given an actual chance.

- “don’t be such a Betty” now why is Betty so surprised she only ever had fun when she was with Archie, when she’s with Jughead all she did was do what she wanted and order him around so likeefjhakdfh

- “he shouldn’t really be my problem anymore.” BUGHEAD BONES YASSSSS

- I know it was just a sound they used but like that squish sound when Darla kicked Tom’s face… did she like smash his face in damn what is this The Walking Dead?

- see the problem with them randomly bringing characters/parents in when they need them is that they’re never around so like no one really cares… like they could have utilized the parents so much (and Skeet and Marisol never would have left) and it would have been so much better than random appearances that make them look incompetent and awful parents because they’re never there during all the other times their kids need them. but we have to see the two toxic parents that won’t go away constantly??? literally what the fuck

- Betty calling Jughead’s writing cringey wbk she’s never liked his writing she was just stroking his ego bc she was his gf and had to be supportive lmaoo

- why are these 60+ year old men beating up Jughead like for why???

- so they just forgot that Tom was checking in on the convict huh gotta love dumbing down characters for plot!

- Fangs with his switchblade muah

- jealous Tabitha muahhh over a password

- “wait THE BETTY?"

- Cheryl looks so good

- Find meaning in his death… girl didn’t you not care that your husband killed your son over the illegal maple stuff I forgot the plot but it was something illegal and dumb

- “drain the vein” …...

- Reggie helping muah

- Why is Archie acting like an ass? like sure he doesn’t know that Chad is abusive and toxic but c’mon fucker you cheated on her and never apologized and you don’t even wanna be with her in the first place so why are you acting like you’re personally hurt sit down

- God Archie really hates Veronica huh… I don’t even blame him considering the shit she’s brought him into time and time again.

- Jughead was kicked like maybe five times yet he was fine falling out of a two story window and the serpent imitation but now he needs antibiotics..? plot convenience!

- literally don’t remember anything about Doc tbh or him talking to Donna and Bret like—

- ever since Negan people are obsessed with bats with barbed wire.

- also! yes please kill Hiram <3 I know they end up saving him bc of the opal but c'mon

- they searched basically nothing for five seconds wow such great detective work you guys!

- we know you just want his manuscript Jessica

- Cheryl with her rainbow skirt how cute!

- “daddykins” girl you’re like 25

- Veronica acting like she cares about Hiram fjsadhkfhas these guys thinking that they’d kill Hiram even though they need him lol

- bad bitch Ronnie we love her even though she’s gonna have to save her father to save others and get her opal </3

- not Veronica calling Archie first and not Kevin considering Kevin’s dad is there…. this is the pandering va fan service bs we have bc it makes no sense and it’s so forced

- Fangs knowing Archie rides with tools in his truck mmhm that’s a little sus idk how but archiefangs agenda coming through!

- no one would actually believe that Jessica ashkjdfsj and they take this bait…??? you gotta be joking lmao

- Jug got to help doc this time 🥺😭

- …. tell me why when he said boyfriend I immediately thought of Reggie I hate myself for wishing fahsdjkfsafj

- okay as cheesy and corny and awful the fight scene is since they posted a clip of it, them working together is so refreshing and nice we love leader!Veronica bc she’s so good at it. but the show only cares for Betty which is funny since she’s an awful detective fbahsdjfj

- my god enough with Jason’s body!!!!!!!!! you burned his body please let him stay dead let his body rest

- okay but the back and forth from Betty and Jessica is so good like I wish we could get that kind of rivalry drama type stuff all the time. too bad they refuse to let Veronica act like a normal person and get angry at being cheated on and such :/ when will Veronica slap the fuck out of Betty

- he’s not a blameless victim but Betty take responsibility for how awful a person you are PLEASE

- THE VOICEMAILLLLLLL Jughead only speaks the truth! it’s weird that he only realized what we all knew about Betty after but whatever, finally he gets upset like damn. also jeronica crumb he’s the only one to ever include Veronica smh ALSO Cole acted the fuck outta this voice mail muah

- the way Betty just sits there uncaring… she really is a freak huh god when will someone punch her in the face and take her ego down a million notches she’s so annoying

- “that’s darkness.” …?? what?

- the way bh’s relationship parallels jughead’s with Jessica though. the unhealthy habits, the bad energy, etc. except Jessica left it and Betty didn’t and it turned Betty into whatever the fuck this is. I miss s1 Betty :/

- so when will they sue Jessica for drugging them? mmhm probably never

- poor Tabitha being the only one who cares about jughead tho

- oh no I forgot there was a random musical number…

- you’re gonna have Betty and Tabitha act like THAT and not put them together so rude

- when will Cheryl be free from her mom. is was like turned on by abuse or something sigh why do the toxic (and most boring!) parents get plots and screen time and everyone else doesn’t...

- Veronica would be able to do Moree than pepper spray but whatever only Betty is allowed be “badass"

- fangs being fangs ugh so sexy my babyyyyy

- Trevor Stines is so attractive it’s a shame they only bring him back for five seconds to traumatize Cheryl over and over again though </3

- wow varchie in a pop’s booth what season is this again??

- god it’s so upsetting how amazing varchie would have been as just friends…

- the way he smiled at Veronica was so contradicting to the blank, “please don’t” expression when she was telling him she was gonna get divorced as fast as possible. why can’t he just admit he doesn’t want to be with her!!!!!! my god they’ve put off barchie long enough just let them be together so their characters can finally act in character and stop being so awful and annoying

- “this cause” what cause you fucking weirdo

- not Hiram threatening the mayor he could literally be your downfall if we had good writers fjasdkjfasf

- jughead how would you have killed him with a small wooden basket

- I like doc so much but I know we’ll never see him again until we randomly need him seasons from noow

- Betty wasn’t hit by the drugs until after the message though… how would she not remember? it didn’t seem to be doing anything to Betty until the bunker

- hopefully since they’re friends now Tabitha can make Betty act like a decent human being <3

- the way Tabitha looked at Betty please stop doing this to me...

- maybe we can finish that dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jabitha rising bughead dying we love to see it!

wow that episode felt like it was two hours long but thankfully I finally finished it… don’t have many actual thoughts but anyways hope you enjoyed my live blog of my thoughts!

[goodbyekillingharmony]

My own interpretation of Qrow's character in V8

also, before we get really into this, of course, there will be spoilers. don’t say i didn’t warn you. also, probably don’t take this too seriously? i wrote this at like 3 in the morning last night and wanted to rework it into something more proper. i tried to make it flow more properly and fuck this may not even make any sense, so bare with me. this is mostly a headcanon i have to get myself through the travesty that is volume 8 and it did make it more enjoyable for me, so i guess that is a plus.

alright, i think i have bored you enough with the unnecessary parts, here we go boys. also, one final thing, this isn’t supposed to undermine shit like part 8 or f//r g//me, or anything of the sort, this was just made as a fun little headcanon that got serious real quick. okay, actually starting now.

I think most RWBY fans have noticed a sudden shift in behavior in Qrow. I don’t really know what the consensus is for this since I hardly, if ever, interact with this fandom, however, for me, until yesterday, it had bothered me heavily. I am a fairly harsh critic when it comes to the writing on the show, purely due to the fact I want to become a writer myself, so I tend to be overly analytical, which can lead to me finding flaws more easily. Nevertheless, even with my mostly neutral feelings regarding Volume 8 right now for various reasons, I persisted. It wasn’t until last night when I really started thinking about this, putting my more critical self aside, and started to look at the bigger picture. Then, an idea had popped into my mind.

Based on someone who has severe trust issues and immense paranoia, I had finally understood, well, at least, theoretically. What if the reason that Qrow is so hostile and, honestly, unreasonable this volume is because he suspected something like this. He suspected Ironwood to do something akin to this. Obviously, not to this severe of a degree, but he felt that like, sooner or later, that this would happen.

What do I mean by this? Well, me and a good friend of mine (@graegrape hi) had gone traversing the RWBY Wikia and found something that honestly kick started the entire thing. 

“ General Ironwood shows concern over Qrow's warning in his conversation with Ozpin in "Welcome to Beacon", which prompted him to bring his fleet to Vale in hopes of preventing conflict in the Vytal Festival. However, this action only served to infuriate Qrow. ’’

Naturally, this had caught my eye. So, we went digging for some screencaps.

When Qrow informed Ironwood and Co. about finding some of Salem's forces, Ironwood had deployed, essentially, his entire fleet, and Qrow was absolutely angered by this; how the hell could he have messed it up so badly?

-

However, at least in this point in time during Volume 3, Qrow doesn’t completely distrust Ironwood.

“ Qrow has commented that he wonders if Ironwood has a heart. Nonetheless, Qrow saves Ironwood from a Griffon in "Heroes and Monsters", knowing the general is innocent of the carnage caused by his automated forces. He shows his respect and loyalty by asking Ironwood for suggestions regarding their plan of action to deal with the invading Grimm, showing that while he may not respect his methods, Qrow does not completely hate him or view him as a threat. ‘’

What was the point of this part of the post, OP? Well, I am happy you asked. I wanted to show just exactly what their dynamic was back in those volumes, almost as a refresher. There is some amount of trust and respect, and there is some amount of comradery there, however, something underlying is starting to brew, specifically Qrow’s reaction to Ironwood’s course of action. My own interpretation of this part? This gave Qrow a proper look at how extreme Ironwood could get, letting it settle in his own mind for a while, making the seed of doubt of Ironwood’s self-destructive behavior plant itself.

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The next part of this post will be way more hypothetical. While I will try to provide evidence, this is creeping into more headcanon-ish territory. You have been warned lol.

Well, that’s all of the Volume 2 - 3 stuff out of the way, time to move onto the elephant in the room. Alright, so Volume 7, a favorite for many and I am no exception.

However, even when I have rewatched the Volume at least 3 times at this point, there was a certain scene that had always stuck out to me, and that is relevant to the post at hand, so might as well get it out of the way. I’m sure we all know what I’m talking about here.

The hug.

So, when the hug happened, for Qrow, at least in my own interpretation, it felt like his entire world got shattered.

Ironwood had actually missed him; actually taking the time to tell him that he cared. You could see Qrow wasn’t as tense anymore, actually letting his guard down in front of someone that wasn’t his family. In my opinion, specifally with this frame,

Qrow had started to reflect. To reflect on not only their own relationship, but on himself as well. He, possibly, had his own seed of doubt regarding Ironwood slowly starting to disappear. Something akin to, “Maybe he does have a heart.” or whatever. 

And then, Ironwood, of all people, had betrayed him. It had happened again.

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Suddenly, he was given a reason, at least in his mind, to justify his distrust of others, but of Ironwood especially. He was right in his mind. “Sooner or later, someone close to me would do this. And to imagine it being to such a severe situation too. He did it again.” Qrow was probably devastated. I’m not denying that he wasn’t sad about Clover, he clearly was and I am not going to deny that fact. However, that being his only reason does not sit well with me. His colleague, one of the remaining people in Ozpin’s group, had done this, after he had promised to ensure his safety, planting a false hope within him. Now, he was thrown away like a rag by one of the only remaining members of Ozpin's circle he could get into proper contact with.

Qrow’s sadness turning into anger is literally perfectly in character to him, so it would make complete sense, trying to deflect everything, because he, himself, wants to be right in his own mind; it was a long time coming, it only happened now.

He’s deflecting a lot of the things, pushing it in the back of his mind. He's scared. He has to be alone again. Just when he thought he was finally safe to trust people again, to seek comfort in someone like Clover, the first person he was willing to spill his heart out to, as well; he lost him. So, he uses everything he can to stop his mind from thinking about it. Anger, sadness, blissful ignorance; whatever he can do to ignore it, because he gave up drinking, so he can't use that for coping anymore.

The reason why he’s reacting so extremely is, in my opinion,is not just due to “Oh, well, I saw this coming.”, but also that he is going through withdrawl. He has to do cope using other methods, since he can’t use his former one anymore. He has to feel the full brunt of his own emotions, he can’t numb them down anymore, and to himself, he can’t justify his own feelings. In his mind, the best course of action is to redirect those extremes onto someone else.

It is quite possibly that Qrow had noticed Ironwood’s sudden shift in behavior, making him reflect on himself, too. He sees that Ironwood is walking down the same path that he himself was going down many years ago, but he can’t do anything. He thinks that Ironwood wouldn’t listen to him, considering what happened back in the Vytal festival. Ironwood did not back down in the slightest back then, so why would he now? That type of mentality. He doesn’t bother with it.

(This next part was written by my good friend and honestly? Great food for thought.) 

Qrow’s former emotions mirror those of Ironwood’s current ones. Qrow, back in the earlier volumes, had used alcohol to help ease his mind and block out things he didn’t want to think about. And now, current Ironwood, is only focusing on what’s directly in front of him and blocking out the entirety of Mantle.

In essense, Ironwood had become exactly what he hated about Qrow.

(I rewrote it a bit, but the main idea was all them. Thank you so much for this.)

He is deliberately using everything he can to not think about Ironwood, due to the fact that he can easily become irrational when he does, and he does need Robyn as an ally, so he buries it all down, possibly being self-aware about his own behavoir, but not know how to deal with it.

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Well, that sure was long. There could be things I forgot to mention, and I’m not even sure if this is well structured or not, since I’m not used to writing essays, at least, not to this caliber, but I hoped it, at least, made you possibly think about Qrow in a more intiment sense. Qrow’s and Ironwood’s relationship had always been the most facsinating one in the entire show, so seeing it being thrown to the side did sting a bit. But, I hope that there was a good reason for it. I am still looking forward to what V8 has in store, especially with the heavily implied fight, I just hope it’s something more than just Qrow getting revenge for Clover. C’mon, CRWBY! I know you can do better.

If you made it this far, thank you. And please understand I made this out of pure love for the show. I have been a fan for a while now and I only want what’s best for the show. I promise this isn’t just me being a salty Ironqrow shipper lmao Anyway, let’s hope this volume turns out great.

[just-like-playing-tag]

A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2019 - June 13, 2020

I wanted to do this for the blog's first anniversary but then completely forgot about it lol.

The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.

Top 10 panel edits:

#1: Don and Gilda - Chapter 138: Demon serch (1)

Date: Jun 14th, 2019

Time: ~ 1:30 h

My very first redraw from my very first edit posted here, so it deserves an honorable mention. Back then I was young and inexperienced, I didn't even apply a gray filter (lmao I was so unskilled I even unintentionally scratched the picture, I hadn't realized until today). I'm actually very happy my first redraw was of Don, boy deserves all the love.

#2: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 28th, 2019

Time: ~ 1 h

Back then this looked like so much work to me!!! And to this day, I think it turned out pretty well. I'm particularly proud of how the bow turned out. This is one I was really proud of right after having finished it; it gave me the confidence to try redrawing bigger areas. Also, the edit were I first applied the opacity of layer / opacity of brush for the gray filter that would have stuck with me.

#3: Krone's birthday edit

Date: Jul 15th, 2019

Time: 15 mins

I don't know I just really like how Krone's hair vanish to a more sketch-like style here– and consequently, how I managed to replicate such effect. I think Krone's beautiful.

#4: Emma, Norman and Ray - Chapter 153: Coward

Date: Oct 4th, 2019

Time: 4:07 h (and 67 layers lmao)

Probably the single panel redraw I'm the most proud of. That Norman panel was beautiful and very poignant at the end of a chapter I adored, so I believe it deserved all the time I've spent working on it. It's far from being perfect - the back of his head is too plain, and the difference between my brushes and the original brushes is pretty visible - but I still like it very much and am extremely attached to it. The horn looks kinda big but I honestly believe it to be more of an issue with the original than with what I had redrawn lol. Funny enough, the whole picture didn't make it to the final edit and had to be trimmed.

#5: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 11th, 2019

Time: 29 mins

I don't have a particular reason for this I just think Emma's hair turned out amazing. It took just half an hour and I didn't even use references like. Wow. @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back

#6: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 17th, 2019

Time: 2:09 h

Sis I love this so freaking much. The shift from redrawing almost exclusively people and clothes to redrawing this mess was so fun and refreshing. Even though it's a mess I think it turned out very clean and overall it looks beautiful? I remember after finishing this I felt so powerful, like now that I had redrawn this thing I would have been able to redraw anything I set my mind on lol.

#7: Emma - Chapter 161: Never Be Alone

Date: Dec 13th, 2019

Time: 57 mins

Again no particular reason except this is a very cute Emma and I think the redraw turned out pretty well. There's this big lock on the left that doesn't make a lot of sense but overall I really like it. Cute Emma is cute, and I love her determination.

#8: Emma - Chapter 166: Going Back Home

Date: Mar 9th, 2020

Time: 3:45 h

I'M SO FREAKING PROUD OF THAT RIFFLE I have not the slightlest idea why this took so damn long BUT I'M SO PROUD OF IT

#9: Norman's birthday edit

Date: Mar 21st, 2020

Time: 1:04 h

This is cool! I didn't know I could manage to draw this, but I did it! The feathers were particularly hard to clean but I think they turned out fine.

#10: Full Score Trio - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 6th, 2020

Time: 2:11 h

I just think they're very pretty? I can't understand if I like Ray's face a lot, or not at all, but I think overall there was a lot to redraw and it turned out pretty cute! Sorry Gillian.

(Also insert pretty much every panel from the chapter 177 Isabella edit– I've spent so many hours on basically every panel there's no way I could choose only one).

Top 5 edits as whole:

#1: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 29th, 2019

Complessive time: 2:57+ h

The very first edit I'm actually proud of; I'm really attached to it. It's the first edit I had put all of my effort into, and I remember feeling anxious people would have left it without notes. It kinda feels weird to think about it now, because I really don't care about notes anymore; yet, it somehow makes me happy to think that past-me wasn't let down. Thank you @neverlandstrio for your support, you may not remember but it really meant a lot to me back then! And it still makes me smile. You're the best!!!!!!

#2: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 20th, 2019

Complessive time: 7:12+ hours

This whole edit was an hella wild ride. It's midnight before a school day, when I think: "Mh, it's been a while since I last made an edit, why not make one about Musica and the queen from the last chapter?" And seven hours after this was born. I'm particularly proud of the queen's redraws on the 3rd, 7th and 9th picture (ofc), the areas which have been redrawn are pretty huge yet I think the difference with the original is almost impossible to notice?? @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back (part 2)

#3: Emma - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 12th, 2020

Complessive time: 6:53+ h

I think the panels that were selected work very well together, especially considering the close-up / full body alternation. I love Emma, and I've always been kinda sad noticing that edits that focus one her take the less notes... She deserves all the love. Also, fun fact: for the last but one panel, I had redrawn Emma's whole left ear before remembering she doesn't have one, so I had to redraw the panel from the start. Besides from the error with the ear, the reason why this (and all the others after) took so long is because official panel take way longer to clean.

#4: Isabella and her children - Chapter 177: Mother

Date: May 22nd, 2020

Complessive time: 13:41+ h (ahah.)

Lmao tbh I can't understand how this has so few notes it's like. Technically speaking, probably the best edit I've ever done. I don't even like Isabella that much, I haven't got the slightlest idea why I decided to spend so many hours on this. Anyway, I find the composition (full body on the left / headshots on the right) really good looking in this as well! And I think the redraws turned out fine, especially Isabella's.

#5: The Promised Neverland manga ending countdown→ 1/7 chapters: chapter 1 - Grace Field House

Date: Jun 9th, 2020

Complessive time: 1:59+ h

I don't know how I came up with that idea for the composition but I find it really beautiful??? I think it does a pretty good job conveying the sudden, terrific shift of atmosphere from the first chapter, and I think that sharp bridge is very nice. I'm very, very proud of this.

Honorable mention #1: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 13th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:44+ h (+ 1:13 h of working on a panel that ultimately didn't make it to the final edit)

A very good chapter, and the edit turned out surprisingly amazing??? All the redraws look great and make it almost impossible to distinguish them from the original; honestly I feel like I'll never be able to redraw so neatly again lol.

Honorable mention #2: Don and Gilda (+ Norman) - Chapter 160: Shackles

Date: Dec 11th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:14+ h

That one is really one of my favorite scenes; I'm telling you peoples, Gilda and Don are a blessing to the earth. I think I've never mentioned it, but Gilda's hair is a nightmare to redraw??? More specifically, it takes me h o u r s to fill the texture without making it look too weird, it's the worst.

Honorable mention #3: Norman and Ray - Chapter 179: Compensation

Date: Jun 6th, 2020

Complessive time: 4:16+ h

I was so glad to finally be able to make a Norman / Ray edit, and it turned out it was just in time before the series' finale. I like how it turned out and I'm pretty satisfied with the redraws (even though my sister helped me with the lineart of some panels - it was exams time and I really couldn't afford to spend more time on it), too bad we didn't have more chapters that focused on the boys. Ray sweetie one day I'll fix your ear it's just today's not that day.

Btw, I justed realized I have never done an Emma / Norman centered edit? I'll have to make one eventually. I remember considering focusing on them alone for the chapter 154 one, but then I thought "even if the manga is gonna ignore Ray, I will chose to do not" lol.

Top 5 long posts:

#1: Reconstruction of how the Grace Field children were settled in the three bedrooms

Date: Aug 28th, 2019

I just had really a lot of fun doing it. I love putting all the little things to their own place, it's so calming to do and that's why I love making this kind of things. Also, loved how @temporoom contributed to the post! It was so nice of them to add what they had noticed to come up with more exact conclusions, that's one of the things I love the most about the internet.

#2: A study of how many times the characters of The Promised Neverland call each other through the first season of the anime

Date: Sep 10th, 2019

I REALLY LOVE IT! I mean it *was* kinda stressing to note everything, but it was very also very satisfying to see everything methodically divided and organized! And it's not just that– it's also the fact that it looks good. That's one post I have fun rereading because it's actually pretty! Also, even though it can be very stressing to learn to use new programs and sites, it's always very satisfying to look at the final result. Again, I really adore compiling these tiny little details! I would love to make more posts of that kind if i had the time.

#3: The Promised Neverland musicals headcanons

Date: Oct 27th, 2019

I mean it's literally. Putting my two favorite fandoms together how could I not love it. This is another one I really enjoy rereading, I find all the musical / character associations so fitting! I really want to make a second part, I hope to find some time to do it.

#4: Considerations on the reward / eventual series' finales (and Emma's sacrifice)

Date: May 7th, 2020

It's always nice to put down all your thoughts regarding a particular matter. It can take a lot of time (at least for me it does because... I need time to think about things), but it's so satisfying to see all of them there once you're done. Bonus points when, like in this case, it was something asked by someone else because “Wow! Somebody wants to hear my opinion on this subject! I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍)”

#5: Some other considerations on the series' finale and Emma sacrificing herself

Date: Jun 13th, 2020

Pretty much the same as above. It's like some kind of clarity when the post is done and signed. Another fun fact, I had to censore the post a lot; the first version was extremely sharp and harsh, but I believe it's right to express your opinions calmly and politely.

Bonus: A thread of what the tpn characters would wear at the Oscars

Date: Feb 9th, 2020

Imagining all the children in those pretty dresses makes me so incredibly happy (╥﹏╥) I go back to look at that post a lot. I really love red carpets, I love looking at pretty dresses!!!!!

Lmao it's so funny how the post of mine I like the most are also the ones with the less notes

Anyway this was just a personal report! You don't have to read it all (or any of it actually). But it was indeed fun making it! Here's to many more months in the fandom!!!

[angieschiffahoi]

congrats on finishing? lol. personally still on depressionville over them. rebecca? deserved to live and be a lawyer(?). hannah? deserved to lived. in france with owen helping with a batter place and rolling her eyes at the name. dani? i cant even. dani and jamie lol i can't even. peter deserves to go somewhere worse than hell. so yea, what're ur thoughts?

I am broken. I honestly haven’t stopped thinking about it all since I finished it last night. 

“Dani would never”. HOW DARE YOU.  I didn’t even have nightmares with ghosts! I was just really, really sad. I feel like, in the end, this was a happy ending. Just not for everyone, and that’s the strenght of the Haunting series. Not everyone can live happily ever after, but they contribute to the other’s happily ever after. No death is cheap or played for shock, even though they are shocking and are revealed through twists. The journey to one’s death is the character’s and, even if it does serve the plot and functions a self-sacrificing catalyst to set the happy endings of the other characters in motion, it never serves just to further the story of a single other character and it’s never just for shock value. Death, even when violent, sudden, unburied, is always respectful and somewhat “sacred”. 

At first I thought it was weaker than Hill House, because I felt the Crains’ dynamic was compelling and kind of made the narrative (in the first five episodes, it litterally did). Then I realized that while this started as a “strangers happen to live together in a haunted house” it soon turned into a found family story and it was beautiful.

I still think The Bent Neck Lady twist, even though predictable, was executed in such a beautiful way, and that episode remains the most emotional, tied with Two Storms, which remains my favorite of the series. But DAMN. The Altar of the Dead was so, so good! I knew Hannah was going to be my favorite from the moment she showed up and I had a feeling there was something wrong with her (the fact that she could dream up new clothes was clever, because I was checking those from the start to see if she was a ghost), but how it all tied with the beginning of the story? Wow.

I’m not sure I liked the twist at the end, using completely different actors, but I did love Carla slipping into a bit of cockney while she’s talking to Bride!Flora, as if to try and test if she was going to remember. The kids deserved that ending, honestly, and it’s coherent with what we’ve seen on Hill House (those kids left their demons in the mansion and so they were haunted forever, these kids were able to destroy them and live happily ever after), but I kind of wished they’d remember something. 

Rebecca Jessel coming through in the end was beautiful How she understood Peter was asking too much of the children. How she was willing to live through drowning again for Flora. I wish she had bonded more with Dani, over their love for the children. Also the scene by the lake, with Rebecca’s body, her ghost, Flora and Hannah watching had me sobbing. As for Peter, I hope he’s still in that memory with his mom. He was probably abused as a child and that is terrible, but he killed two people out of selfishness and was willing to kill three more, to have his happily ever after. He was controlling, abusive and manipulative and I wished the show had tried to make him a bit more relatable, to show us his anguish better (Oliver did an amazing job, though), so that by the end I would be torn between him getting peace or justice. But they didn’t and he should burn. 

Anyway, I could talk about this all day. Overall, I loved it. In a world where it came before Hill House, I feel like I would’ve loved it more (even though I’m not sure I would’ve loved Dani as much, hadn’t she played Nell Crain in HH). The ghosts weren’t as scary, and I missed some of that suspance (even though I am glad I will be able to maybe sleep this time); they explained a little bit too much, while HH left some things to the viewer to figure out, and some of the twists were very predictable; the nods to HH were placed well, but I wish they stopped referencing it after the first two or three episodes - it seems to live in reference to the success of its precedessor in a way (also in the way they use the soundtrack); the ending was bittersweet (like HH’s) but borderline cheesy, which kind of killed the vibe a bit (I love romance, especially wlw romance, but it has to be subtle, and the “it’s not a ghost story, it’s a love story” felt a bit too... yeah, cheesy. But that’s just my preference). 

Small structure-complaints under the cut:

I only have two complaints:

- I feel like they wasted an entire episode on Viola, Perdita & Arthur, because all those explanations could’ve easily been shown in another way and the scenes spoke for themselves. Later I started to think the narration had been necessary, because when Dani became the lady in the lake, older Jamie would start reciting “and then she slept, she woke, she walked, she forgot, she faded away”. But there was no parallel and so, I feel, like that story could’ve been told without voiceovers, leaving something to the imagination, and in flashbacks during the finale, making it a two part. I felt a bit cheated into binging the last two episodes, because of that same cliffhanger. I actually wanted to give it more time and watch it today. I also did NOT like the B&W. It was probably shot in color and then colored in post and the coloring was terrible. It felt like a pre-made filter in Premiere. I think the could’ve easily used the HH flashback coloring, which is colorful, warm, bright and eerie. I loved Kate as Theo, but in this one she did nothing for me. Viola felt like a caricature and, in the end, I never ‘felt’ for her.  

- I didn’t completely feel the epicness of Jamie & Dani. While I feel they were a beautiful, beautiful couple and very refreshing to see on TV, I didn’t actually feel them love each other until Jamie dove into the lake. But maybe that’s just me. I was so focused on all the storylines, I might’ve missed something about them. In some ways, they developed Hannah & Owen more, even though we never saw them together (and maybe that’s why Owen caring for Hannah’s body and how she disappeard so suddenly without even finishing ‘the rest is just...’ hit worse than the second part of the finale). 

There’s also I couple of things I didn’t understand (why did Viola never hurt Dominic & Charlotte? They must’ve walked at night! And they were sleeping in the bed she went to! How did Henry’s doppleganger work? Why was he haunted so vividly by himself? This ‘ghost’ felt a lot like Eddie’s - born of guilt - but at least there was a dead person in the Dani/Edmund haunting dynamic; was he haunted by evil!Henry because Dominic wished it so before he died?; also, why is no one freaking out about the inevitable incest of Peter/Rebecca in the kids bodies?! I love you Becks, but yikes!). 

I need to rewatch both Hill House and Bly Manor. I wish I had done a PhD in cinema, just so I could do a dissertation on these two, honestly. 

[wawaluxthings]

13, 21, 31, 45!!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you  ♡

13. Describe your writing process from idea to polished

Have brilliant idea on the verge of falling asleep. Pass out with so many words buzzing in my skull I actually dream of writing the story (but it’s all very stressful because I can only see with half my eyes and the keyboard keeps jumping around and the word doc won’t open fully). Wake up and words are gone, lucky if idea has survived and vocabulary is now restricted to grocery list. Turn on spotify. Stare at blank page. Stare at blank page. Stare at blank page. Wait for someone to give me crazy shit tons of work to do on a tight deadline. Of course words come back all at once. Begin writing frenzy which has me frothing at the mouth. Tell my better half that I’m just browsing the internet when he asks me why I’m typing so much. Convince myself I’ll read the paragraph one more time and then I’ll do the work. Three hours later, have full story out, rush through work and pretend I was doing that all along. Try to stop mouse from hovering over the word icon that wants to suck me back in. Wait for next day to fix the story. Amaze myself at how many words I skipped and how many times I changed tenses. Try to resist posting it. Give it one more night, fresh eyes, squint to spot the typos, get lost in some grammar that I’m not sure is correct. Bounce around in happiness cos this is the greatest thing EVER. Realize I forgot to do a title. Play around with words that really don’t mean anything. Read every possible synonym of simple words. Write up a summary in 2 minutes. Upload to the website and TRY to read it one more time because otherwise I’ll spot the mistakes too late. Don’t usually make it. Click ‘post’ with a grin. Immediately hate every word. Immediately hate idea. Try not to stare at stats page. Stare at stats page and refresh like a moron. Wonder how much the people who clicked on it and left hate me. Decide I’m the worst writer in history and this was so stupid, why did I bother. Close laptop and hide phone out of sight so I can stop checking stats page. Stare at tv and think of stats page. Go to bed. Tell myself I’ll just delete it in the morning. Wake up and don’t delete it. Have another story/art to obsess about.

OR – Have idea, almost get fired in haste to write it, check for typos, post, live with dark thoughts, forget about it all, move on.

21. Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?

Ohh Matt and Foggy for sure. I love exploring how Matt perceives the world around him, how different things will sound to him or the smells and textures that we wouldn’t be able to notice ourselves. Foggy just makes me happy! I see him as the light that contrasts Matt’s darkness. I think we have a little bit of Foggy in all of us, the insecure, good-hearted spirit that is just pure awesome. It makes me happy to know that I can use him to make my readers smile.

31. Least favourite part of writing

A few, very random ones: 1) Writer’s block. It’s been killing me lately. It feels like you lost whatever you had, like it won’t ever come back; 2) The fear that comes with posting. It’s a thrill and can be so rewarding, but the first few hours are just darkness (phew, we are all so broken, aren’t we?); 3) Accepting that the story is just not working, and scrapping whole paragraphs. The words look at me with big sad puppy eyes and it breaks my heart, so I have this whole document of ‘could potentially use one day’ sentences that I’ll likely never use (but shh, don’t tell them); 4) Trying not to use the same words all the time. My brain just goes THERE, every time. I have to highlight them so I don’t forget to swap them out.

45. How much world building do you do?

I had to google what world building was lol, so is that an answer? I think not much at all. It helps that we all have an idea of who the characters are, and what their environment looks like already. I tend to start a story mid-scene and only add details if I think it will help the reader understand something. I know people can’t stand long descriptions, no matter how beautiful the wording is. I’ve stopped reading so many books cos they were too busy describing something, and I honestly didn’t care enough.

Thanks again for the ask!

[macklives]

hey so this is gonna be a long-ish one. ive decided its been far too long since i did a session, and we did so many i can often forget what happened. i started in july and im pretty sure its been more than half a year now since this whole blog happened. and in that time, we’ve gone through 88 sessions and i want to know if i remember the relevant plot points and what we got up to in the last few sessions. a refresh/reminder if you would.

so i hereby commence my own little recap of act 5 because yeah no, its too much to do a recap of everything and i have andrew for that after every few acts. but i wanna refresh my mind on act 5 for now. so here we go.

1. alternia.. fucked up place. but its a place the trolls live on so what are we gonna do about it? overthrow the government? seems about right, lets do that with the next troll that gets introduced and if its not kanaya idk what andrew is doing by not having introduced the best troll yet. why the long wait? it was the second introduced? i honestly expected it to go in order when i first read act 5, because first we had karkat talk to jade which was the first new piece dialogue in the comic besides the main kids, but then we had kanaya with rose, which was followed by tavros, then terezi (iirc). so id assume we were following that order but nope karkat got fully introduced, then this random fucking juggalo called gamzee made its way into the comic. imagine my surprise.

2. theres been terminology throughout act 5, that i do not fucking know and will not remember and probably never will. like tf is a perigee again? i made a doc somewhere ill probably find it.

3. karkat’s introduction... short but very sweet. and by sweet i mean we got to know the depths of the angry edge lord. and by depths i mean karkat got angry at gamzee for typing in a way that he didnt like so he yapped like a chihuahua. nah, but seriously, i do like karkat tho, hes growing on me but only bc hes a bitch baby and his whole personality makes me want to mock him so thats the reason im not that annoyed and think hes funny, and the most harmless troll. even more so than tavros. and thats saying something. 7.5/10 bc im generous.

4. then gamzee... the high juggalo troll who has the worst typing quirk imo, i cannot for the life of me read it. but hes chill, i actually really like gamzee. hes funny and the least problematic as of right now. 8.5/10.

5. terezi’s introduction next i think. she likes playing as a lawyer with her stuffed dragons, ie by roleplay, shes blind, can see through licking, and she likes eating chalk, maybe its even nutritious. shes good. 9/10. 

6. uhh in the process of these intros, there are teams being made? karkat joins gamzee and terezi in, i THINK, the red team?? bc terezi likes red?? could be wrong, i dont remember the teams except that its red/blue to represent sollux’s duality in those colors. terezi then tries recruiting AC but AC is like lol sorry i have to ask this friend of mine who has authority over me for some goddamn reason and terezi goes yuck tf i hate that guy................... yeah thats all we have on the teams. pretty sure sollux had smth to do with karkat about the making of the leaders, and they did the “i hate me” and the “no i hate me more than u hate u” or whatever the fuck that was. they got embarrassed afterwards and deleted their messages. im pretty sure they have no messages because everything ends up being mutually deleted so their logs are actually empty. ngl, kinda enjoyed their convos, made me appreciate their characters. i hope we get more because its good content. i also dont know what order this whole thing is in, who contacted who first? couldnt tell you. ill remember later on. and since im basing this off from memory alone, gotta deal with what i remember. uhhhh so yeah. we havent met all characters yet so the teams have not been officially decided but we got the bases, which is that.

7. god i found it, and the only thing im looking at right now is the terminology list i made and what the fuck?? what the fuck?? you miss a few weeks and suddenly the word nubslurping comes up and you forget what the fuck youre reading.

8. im PRETTY SURE aradia is seen after that whole team fiasco?? or its sollux... maybe. wait. its sollux, right. i just knew someone gets introduced mid way through is all. actually, someone gets introduced after every 20 pages. i have no idea. but ik aradia and sollux go hand in hand.

9. oh shit. OH SHIT! RIGHT! I REMEMBER! so this occurs in the latest session i did, and not the beginning of act 5, but AG and aradia team up, right?? and sollux fucking gets manipulated by them and ??? idk??? they make him find the game, reprogram it and then make him believe its going to end the world (which in hindsight is true, but anyways) so he refuses to play it which was AG’s plan all along so she steps up and becomes leader in his place. but aradia says sollux will still play the game no matter what, but she never went through with the plan for AG but it was apart of a prophecy? that sollux wouldnt be the leader at all? that he’d still play? but it had to go according to plan so it could succeed??? we just dont know why yet. anyways, point being, she still cares for sollux since she did it for him rather than for AG. and thats what i recall. god tf i forgot about that whole drama until writing down “sollux and aradia go hand in hand” which gave me violent flashbacks to the memory.

10. oh and id give aradia 9/10 and sollux 7/10. i do like sollux but if i put him higher than karkat, id get crucified. so im keeping them around the same.

11. man i really like sollux and aradia tho, i may have put him at 7, but i really like their dynamic and i really hope they make up and aradia explains herself about AG. because from one side it looks shitty. and while sollux is rude and never makes up his mind, he apologized to aradia after going off, and that was the only time ive seen him be sincere, so im pretty sure he cares for her to some extent. and i think its somewhat mutual? considering the whole “did it for him” thing. man, i see potential because i actually like both their characters. theyre well written. may not have the best personalities, but i appreciate well written characters and homestuck has the best ones ive seen in a while.

12. oh shit, hell yeah, the more i write, the more im connecting the dots and remembering. however, the more i write, the more i want to just make an analogy post but thats not for now. jesus christ its not all about analogies, mack, this is a recap. but.. how does andrew do it? to not go off track??? hard. telling ya.

13. anyways, didnt we break the fourth wall at some point and have the demon gods or whatever the fuck speak to us in third person for the first time in the comic, after having only gone into second person narrative, right after we were introduced to sollux and his “virus”? the uh, the phrase “the demon was already here” was said, or something along those lines. first line in homestuck to give me the creeps ngl and i appreciate it bc it gives me motivation to know what the fuck its about. its cool bc you have no idea where its going and it sure doesnt have anything to do with the current plot, since the trolls’ session/game doesnt have fucking demons so im curious as to what the fuck that was about. and if i really have to make a theory, i feel it has something to do with aradia’s voices in her head which also connect to the gods rose heard when she started disregarding rules and told dave to look at derse without listening to music bc it was as if he was purposely blocking away their calls. like holy shit, that gave me the shivers. while i do want to know more about wtf happens after act 4, trolls are taking priority right now. just like we did with the intermission. no discussing the kids unless necessary. treat this as its own separate comic. and THEN we can connect.

14. ANYWAYS, tavros’ intro???? that comes afterwards?? with the fiduspawn that made me gag a little on the inside? yep. remember that. fuck that lol. -1/10 but tavros himself is MAYBE a 6/10? i wish we explored his character more in his intro bc right now he just looks like a character made only to be a victim rather than have any depth and i feel thats robbing someone of their full potential. give me more personality andrew, rather than a quivering boy who falls prey to bitches. im expecting more throughout the comic honestly and i hope he gets growth so hes not looked as a “victim” but rather his own character. he is still sweet, and i like him because i want to protect him, but id rather have more info, you know what i mean?

15. oh hell. kanaya had a chainsaw at some point. that made me happy. and didnt she cut off tavros’ legs?? and he got robot ones? and some creepy dude was looking and we called him saggy tits bc hes sagittarius? right? neat. that did happen. pretty sure saggy tits is ACs friend that tells her what to do. the more u know. OH and they all have colored blood similar to their text colors lol. that i remember... so tavros has brown, terezi has blueish green, um. karkat has grey the loser. and apparently it forms a rainbow which is nice. rainbow is good.

16. i dont remember anything else actually

17. wait no i do. AG appeared. shes a petty bully. idk what to say about her. we didnt get that much, except that she hates tavros but is okay with aradia. she also looks like a bottle opener. actually, i think she teamed with aradia to gain leadership rather than to “be friends”. and while that is similar to how karkat did it, meaning the gain, the motivation and how they earned it is entirely different. kinda seeing a trend tho. the leaders of the red/blue teams are both characters who wanted the role, but never had it to begin with. only to win their way into the position. but rather than ask non-stop like karkat did, AG manipulated others so she could be successful. not too sure if she also used aradia for that, or is actually motivated to become friends since they were “past enemies” and she needed a rebound. pretty sure its somewhat both. while AG did mostly use aradia to speak with sollux, what she doesnt know is that aradia is a bad bitch who never even thought about AG and only followed through with the plan bc she had a plan of her own. i guess we’ll look into that later. i lowkey want to know their history.

18. OH AC!!! she appeared for a second as well. love her. shes amazing. 9.5/10. and you may ask yourself, why am i saying “i love this character” but none of them are 10/10?? weellllll its because, and i cant stress this enough, 10/10 belongs to kanaya, i dont make the rules. im waiting for her introduction, shes my favorite and its obvious. sorry.

19. oh huh seems i forgot about the term “lusus”. which.. is.. their parents but not really, its these fucking weird ass creatures that the trolls fought in a cave or something as a child. i dont fucking know. terezi hatched hers and it died? gamzee’s also died but his goat sea dad was never really there to begin with so while it is sad, its more sad that gamzee never saw him? um.. karkat killed his own by exploding his computer bc sollux said dont run the virus and karkat said u cant tell me what to do and did it anyways. so thats on him. but apparently theyre supposed to die, to become prototyped during the game, right? yeah. i remember now.

20. thats.. about it? idk anything else, nothing is coming back to me apart from the shit above. huh.... im surprised how quickly things do come back to you the moment you rant about the plot tho.... handy trick.

cool. neat. fun. this took me too long. but im glad i remember a little bit.

[moderndaygaang]

tagged by @praetorqueenreyna woohooooooo

To see the fics I’m talking about, here’s my ao3 ! (I’m including a WIP or two in this that i am THIS CLOSE to being done with and plan on posting before the year is out and I don’t have much else 🤷‍♀️)

Which Of Your Fics...

Did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got: HONESTLY I was expecting “Hit And Run” to get more hits. It got way more genuine love in the comments than I ever expected from the people who did read it (including so many writers I admire *swoon*) so who cares, truly! I just forget how few people actually ship zutaraang.

Is your funniest: i actually think my korrasami WIP is very funny but that’s because i think Korra has a good sense of humor and her banter with Bolin is like the first half of the fic lmao. Out of my published stuff I would say “Better Left Unsaid” is more consistently funny throughout, but i did actually laugh out loud writing “Hit And Run” because of the ending!

Is your darkest/angstiest: none of my published/complete work because it’s not quite my style, but I have a Rangshi WIP that will be posted soon that is quite angsty and depressing feat. What if Rangi and Kyoshi didn’t get together and Rangi fucked with Kyoshi’s emotions because of her internalized homophobia ???? why am i writing it? Good question.

Is your absolute favorite: i love all my children equally i refuse to answer this (i actually just can’t decide)

Is your least favorite: mmm probably my most recent one “watch it spin”, which is actually not ATLA but a SPOP fic focused on Catra and Perfuma becoming friends (a big hc of mine) and getting high together (based off some funny fan art). I only say it’s my least fave because it’s not my best work, but it is very niche and self-indulgent and I’m glad it’s in the universe for my own sake!

Was the easiest to write: “Better Left Unsaid”! That one only took a couple of hours. Started as just a warm up for something else and then I was like ‘oh this is cute’ :)

Was the hardest to write: “Wanna Follow Your Voice...”! It was the first fic I had written in YEARS, first for ATLA, and I had never done anything with chapters before. I spent a lot of time on it! Just figuring out the pacing and the events I wanted to include and trying to maintain a consistent tone over time was not easy.

Has your favorite line/exchange/paragraph (share it): gosh this is so hard!!!! I have favorites from all of them. I really was proud of how in “Wanna Follow Your Voice” zuko connects flashes from his dreams to his actual interactions with Aang (too much to share here). But have this bit from “Hit And Run” because it’s peak romcom imo —

Before even Aang can react, heat bursts from Zuko’s finger tips, lighting the poor, unassuming bartender’s beard on fire.

“Shit,” Zuko mutters, and jumps up. The bartender is screaming now, haplessly batting at his own chest to try and stop the flames from spreading.

Katara reacts in time with Zuko, pulling him towards the door while the other customers around him clamor to help the bartender, Rin and Aang included.

Zuko takes the opportunity to grab Aang’s wrist, dragging him away from the scene.

Luckily, no one realized where the flame came from, so their timely exit goes unnoticed. By the time Rin stops and looks for ‘Lee’, they’re already out the door and scaling the building next door to get out of sight.

When they reach the rooftop, they all collapse on their backs and catch their breath. Aang pulls off his bandana and wipes it across his brow.

“Well that’s one way to claim your territory,” Aang grinned. The three of them burst out laughing simultaneously.

When their laughter settles, Katara shoves Aang’s shoulder.

“Hey, you’re a little too good at charming the pants off of our enemies. Tone it down a notch next time.”

“I can’t help that the people love me.” He throws his hands up in resignation, drawing out another laugh from Zuko and Katara.

“I have to say Zuko,” Aang starts as he sits up, leaning back on his hands. “You must really love me if you’re willing to set someone on fire out of jealousy.”

Zuko covers his face with his hands, and an embarrassed groan pushes past his lips before he can stop it. “I didn’t mean to set anyone on fire!” he exclaims.

Have you reread the most: “hit and run” but only because people left the most kind and detailed comments about stuff that I genuinely forgot I put in there so I would go back to refresh my own memory LOL

Would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time: “Better Left Unsaid”, most likely. It’s short and simple, lighthearted, not too shippy, but still captures my writing style well I think.

Are you most proud of: mmmm “Hit And Run” because I really like the way it turned out. It required the most ‘world building’ (so to speak) which is really not something I feel confident doing, but I think I did well with it! Plus it has an OC who I actually loved creating and would totally write about again.

So fun. Gunna tag @kuchee @jaystrifes and @flerkenkiddingme to do this ♥️🥰

[acommonloon]

To piggyback off @russann​ ‘s post, D and I are SO different yet complementary. Often we don’t agree so compromise is constant.  Even after all these years, sometimes we aren’t aware the other has compromised, not consciously.  

This fence (top) for instance.  We’ve added bits to it over the years and when she repainted it recently, she suggested she paint the doo dads.  While I liked the aged and rusted look of the metal pieces, I agreed.  Many of the bits were multi-colored to begin with so I imagined some refreshing of the existing colors or different colors but, it didn’t occur to me she would just spray paint each one a solid color.  Well, okay not really that important so never mind but when she put them back on the fence she rearranged them.  Of course she did.  

She is a creature of symmetry while I prefer a random aspect. Still without saying a word, she left the right side much as I remember it though I recalled her questioning how I was placing them initially so long ago.  It’s probably always bothered her.   <sigh> I’m glad she left the sun and planets but that compass point arrangement on the left bothers me. compromise

So to carry it forward, my excellent tumblr mutual @grungeouttakesabstracts​ agreed to send me a full resolution file of one of his extraordinary pics.  His price, a donation to a local food bank “Dare to Care Food Bank.”  What a cool transaction!  I made the donation immediately and sent the file to one of those ubiquitous companies to get a 11″ X 14″ so I could frame it.  Actually, this is where our teamwork comes in, I asked D to do it for me as she order prints regularly.

When it arrived I didn’t have a frame for it and it was rolled up so I laid it out under a few handy books on the dinning room table and forgot about it. Suddenly, last night I remembered it and asked if we had a frame.  D immediately said I couldn’t use any of her extra frames as they wouldn’t match the black frames in my computer corner.  I assured her I’d decided to hang it in my office as it was “abstract” and the pics in my corner were all of places I’ve been or nearby.

She replied, “doesn’t matter, I hate that corner anyway but it’s yours so.  Only a little surprised, I replied, “Really, what don’t you like it?”  It looks so random, like you just hung the pictures on existing nails. she said.  

She’s upstairs right now making a quilt for our newest granddaughter.  The theme is “A Nightmare Before Christmas” because that’s what our DIL requested.  There are skulls on this baby quilt lol.  I’m good with that.  She had it laid out on the floor and asked me what I thought.  I looked at it saying, “Cool, what about exchanging that bottom corner that’s all straight lines with the stylized vines on the left side which are more interesting.  “No.”  was her reply.

<shakes head grinning> It’s all good.  

ps. @iamdawt​ may notice the perfect card she made for D’s birthday a some years ago sitting on the shelf.  I’d recommend you ask her to make you a personalized card too but she won’t charge enough for them so, I can’t in good conscience.   

[scav-eng-er]

“If Nothing Else, We Have This.” TROS Alternate Ending Part 2/?

okay..so I’m very tired and literally re-wrote the beginning so many times and I’m very tired lol (it’s almost 1 am) But here is the second part of my Alternate TROS Ending! I have an outline for part 3 already and MY REYLO HEART IS SCREAMING. Please be aware that I tried to give Leia the best of the best, so if there is something you guys think I could edit, please let me know. I really hope you guys like this and I am sending hugs and kisses to @reylo-trash-4ever and @mojona1999 because you two are my sweet reylomates and beans and ily <3.

Update: Im so sorry i forgot the first part if anyone needs the link lol sorry im a wreck. 

Part 1:  https://scav-eng-er.tumblr.com/post/190171393259/if-nothing-else-we-have-this-tros-alternate

“Any news from Poe and his team?” 

“Nothing yet General.” 

A wave of worry flushed over General Organa as she watched the makeshift screen blink rapidly. Tiny dots, indicating Poe’s X-wing and the rest of his ships, hovered around the grid, pinpointing their locations out in the battle. Occasionally, a red dot would disappear and across the base, another screen with the profile of the pilot would burn red with large letters titled: Connection failed. The chaos ensued back at the main base and was just as hectic as the actual battlefield. Commands were announced or yelled through holo-coms and com-links while groups from the skies and land asked what the next plan of attack was. More pilots ran around the princess, prepping their fuel tanks and testing their blasters, oblivious to see the exhaustion in her eyes. Technicians gave last minute check-ups on weapons and hurried back  and forth along the forest floor. Lieutenant Connix continued to give orders, her brows furrowed, her eyes flickering back and forth between the many screens. Leia sensed it, both sides were tired. The resistance were on their knees, using their last push of hope to try and defeat Palpatine. But she also sensed doubt in the First Order. In Ben. 

He was confused, hurt and torn. Pulled in different directions. This unknowing in him had already impacted the First Order and their so-called impenetrable power. When she felt him begin to question everything, just a few hours ago, she had finally felt more hope spark in her heart. She felt the heat of his saber as it impaled her son, Rey didn’t miss. Her heart soared when the refreshing feeling of Rey’s life force healed Ben’s wound. Yes, there was still hope. But was it enough?

Would this be enough to finally end it all? 

A sudden pain erupted from Leia’s chest. Sucking in a gasp, she quietly sat on a boulder, hiding her pain from scurrying pilots as they prepped for another take-off, soon to assist wounded comrades at Exegol. Her body was cold, and she felt weak, defeated…dead. Something had happened to Ben, her Ben. Her hand shook as she covered her mouth to prevent the whimpers of her sobs escape. Blinking back tears, and with the last reasonable idea she could think of, she reached out. Out to the one person she knew could help.

“Luke.” She whispered. 

He appeared to her, glowing brighter in the sun. His transparency, in no way hid his happiness to see his sister, aged with time from living her life. Even after all these years, Luke could see how youthful Leia was, her smile was timeless and her strength spanned generations. It inspired those who were now part of the resistance. He had told himself a million times how he wished she had continued her studies. Perhaps the galaxy would’ve turned out different, less pain, less hate. She would’ve saved Ben before Palpatine had even tried to touch him, preventing the world from becoming what it was now.

Yet, here they were, on the precipice of an ending war. The battle happening galaxies away that would determine the outcome of their family, resting on the shoulders of his nephew, her son. 

“It’s time.” Leia stated, her voice calm and strong despite the streaks of tears down her rosy cheeks. She was prepared, ready for this day. Luke sensed it too. He knew just how far a mother would go to save her son. He said nothing, but kneeled down and like so many times before, placed a sweet kiss on his sister’s forehead. Leia closed her eyes, not seeing the few tears making their way down Luke’s cheeks. 

And just as quiet as he arrived, he was gone. 

For the first time, in a very long time, Leia felt at peace. She stood up, no pain in her heart, no worries on her mind. The princess gazed at the base around her. Everything moved in slow motion. The sounds of people and engines droned out. Leia took a step into the sun. It was warm against her skin, as she remembered her life. 

Han, her loving, brave, handsome, and annoyingly-arrogant husband. He had filled her life with laughs, tears and love as they stuck together. He was at peace, she knew that. He had never been upset with Ben, he just missed his son. Their son.

Ben. Her only child who was caught in something so much greater than him. He was used and played with, torn and pulled apart until there was nothing left. Leia knew deep down, her baby Ben was there, waiting. The same Ben who wanted to be a Jedi, who wanted to come with her to meetings and visit as many galaxies as he could. The biggest thing Leia missed was how much he needed her. Ben would never admit to how many times he crawled into her bed after a nightmare, or how he pretended to not miss her when she was away. As a teenager, she saw him pull away, trying to be tough, and hide how scared he was, or that he needed help. She could never forgive herself for ignoring how he practically begged for her in his eyes, as the cold, grimy hands of the Dark Side gripped him by the shoulders. But now, Leia felt like she could still save her son, from everything. She could prove to him how much she loved him. 

She loved how much Ben needed his mother as a child, and now he needed her more than ever. The general’s world went black as she collapsed to the forest floor.

~~~~

Rey played with the hem of Ben’s shirt, the fabric wet with sweat, dirt and blood. He smelled like earth, and Rey realized she had never been this close to know that he smelled so..intoxicating. Every breath she took was so soothing, she couldn’t help but lean in closer. Ben’s eyes never left her, and Rey’s cheeks reddened at how beautiful he made her feel. The comfort in his arms was new, yet felt so familiar that she never wanted to leave. His thumb circled her arm as he held her, and goosebumps scattered down her body.

“So..long..” Rey mumbled, annoyed by how long they had tried to cover it up, or deny just how powerful their feelings for each other really were. This..connection was created before either of them were even born. This attachment and need to be near each other, to be together finally had an explanation behind it. Rey believed this would be the one and only thing she could actually thank their grandparents for. The two mens intertwined fates had curled and twisted. Hate, deceit, years of pain and darkness came to an end with her and Ben, here and now. So yes, she could thank them, for giving her Ben. 

Ben hummed in agreement, “Who knew we could be so..” he trailed off.

“Dumb?” Rey stated.

“I was going to say stubborn!” Ben couldn’t help but laugh, before engulfing her lips once again. Every time Ben kissed her, Rey felt like a bad memory was wiped away. Bit by bit, she was losing more details about her life of Jakku. She already couldn’t remember some scars she got as a child, or the names of rival scavengers who occasionally tried to gang up on her. It felt like he was taking away her pain and grief, replacing it with passionate kisses and featherlight touches she hoped she would never forget. 

They held each other for a few more moments in sweet, silent bliss before Rey interrupted with the lingering statement.

“We have to go back.” 

Ben sighed, “Or we could go…just…leave.” 

There was nothing more Ben wanted to then to just be with Rey. They could anything or nothing and he would be happy. If she wanted to boss him around on the falcon? He would do it without hesitation. If she wanted to settle in the greenest galaxy and continue her training? He would make her stronger than him. 

But the resistance? He would not just be away from Rey, but behind bars, in chains, with every other soul on the planet, maybe the galaxy, wanting him dead. 

“Ben,” She sounded serious, though her voice was quiet. “We’ll figure something out.” She continued to play with his hair. The black, damp curls twisted in her finger and she wondered what he would look like with braids. 

“Leia will help us, reduce your sentence. Banishment to another planet is better than life imprisonment right?” 

Hearing his mother’s name made his heart sink. Could she even look him in the eye? Would she cry? Scream at him? Forgive him? Ben had hurt her so much, he would understand however she reacted. He undoubtedly deserved it. Even so, he wanted to see her, to hear her voice. He pulled Rey’s hand to his lips, giving a heartfelt kiss before nodding.

Her heart beat rapidly in hope. Ben was going home. He was going to see his mother, going to see Chewie…but he would also see the resistance, including Finn, Poe and Rose. Rey didn’t care. She would do anything to prove just how alive Ben Solo was, with the pieces of Kylo Ren dying long ago. 

“Just..no matter what happens, you’ll come back to me right?” He mumbled into her fingers, almost afraid to let go. 

Rey smiled so hard, she could almost laugh. She stood up and pulled him with her, her hands never letting go. Even as he towered over her, he looked worried, his eyes trailing up and down her body, making sure she was still alright, still alive. Rey pulled his attention to her warm eyes.

“Nothing could keep me away. Not even death.” She declared. Standing on her toes, Rey wrapped her arms around Ben as she pulled him to her lips. He felt comfort in her embrace, like she would truly never leave him. Even when he would eventually be pulled from her grasp and thrown in a cell, he knew she would fight for him as hard as she could. They would be separated, of course, by distance, guards, and maybe even Leia. But he could wait, he had been waiting for her his whole life anyway. So many had passed through his life in fleeting increments, he could hardly remember any faces, knowing they would all be there one moment, and gone the next. Rey was solid, sturdy, and there for him, with him. At the end of all this, Ben finally felt like he could belong somewhere, in her arms. 

The two pulled apart when the noise of battle erupted the from the skies and shook the ground beneath their feet. They ran back to the surface, forgetting the pain they had just endured, ready to take on the next adventure together. 

Rey burst through the stars in the X-wing, Ben seated behind her. They danced among the falling debris as it crashed back onto Exegol. He watched as Palpatines undead fleet fell, returning to their graves. Feeling his darkness fall with them, a small smile grew as he said goodbye to the shadows that had trapped him in. Feeling light as a feather, Ben settled into his seat. His eyelids were heavy, and he suddenly felt so tired that he just couldn’t stay awake. As he felt himself drift to sleep, he could vaguely hear the voices and shouts from Rey’s helmet comlink, screams of victory as everyone announced the First Order had officially fallen.