#I forgot how much I truly don't like a lot of bands fans
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the-cooler-king · 2 months ago
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TRAVIE MCCOY??? WE GOT WIZ KHALIFA AND YOU GOT TRAVIE MCCOY????? Happy for yall but like. Saturday when we were young fucked negatively. They did 3oh!3 so dirty in their sound mixing. Way oversold.
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lizzaneia-elizalde · 5 months ago
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Yandere! Male! idol x manager! gn! reader
WOOOH finally able to update. I got busy due to working for a summer reading camp. Woop tee doo... At least I got money for a new phone LMAO
And we finally, FINALLY finished the second set of yans! For now, no new yans will be done, and will be focusing on the boys!
Song featured: Too Sweet by Hozier
EDIT: I FORGOT THAT I MADE ELIAS THE SIBLING OF THE YAN! IDOL AND ALREADY NAMED HIM ZAYNE! I'll probably just change Zayne's to Tae-Joon.
Yan! Idol name: Raven/Tae-Joon
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The deafening lights and cheers of the people in the gigantic stadium rang around the building. They kept cheering, almost shaking the whole place from their energy.
As the band started playing the intro song, the cheers suddenly amped up in intensity with the focus going back on the stage. Each and every lightstick glowed red, flooding the whole area with a scarlet hue.
The bass pumped, the music riffed, the vibe electric.
The stage fogged up, covering the whole place before the cheering got louder when a appeared in the fog.
Then, there he is.
"HOW'S IT GOING CITY OF [redacted]!"
A charismatic, boyish smile, with pearly white teeth that blinded the secret paparazzi in the crowd, with a tall and lean stature that encompasses talent and discipline in one body, and facial features that make people swoon even in just his photocards.
"RAVEN! RAVEN! RAVEN!"
The man, the idol named Raven, started to sing. His voice was smooth and low as the romantic yet also sensual lyrics pour out of his pink lips.
It can't be said I'm an early bird
It's ten o'clock before I say a word
Baby, I can never tell
How do you sleep so well?
He goes up to the edge, swinging around the mic stand as if it was a dance partner. One can hear the passion going off in his tone as his messy hair got flipped upward.
Don't you just wanna wake up, dark as a lake?
Smelling like a bonfire, lost in a haze?
If you're drunk on life, babe, I think it's great
But while in this world
He gets on the middle of the stage, and the pedestal raised as the spotlight went to him.
I think I'll take my whiskey neat
My coffee black and my bed at three
You're too sweet for me
You're too sweet for me
Everyone was seduced, everyone was mesmerized. Raven gave off seductive energy that they held their breath every time his gaze penetrates them. And some even assumed his gaze was on theirs, making them squeal.
It was truly a night for everyone in the stadium.
After almost two hours of performing, Raven, with sweat pouring out of him but still managed to look amazing, descended down on the stage hatch.
But the once shining star back in the stage suddenly threw his beret on the ground.
"FUCK! What was that buzzing sound in the dance break?!" Raven yelled. "Are you serious?! I thought we went over this!"
The people in the back started to groan inwardly. There he goes again.
"Ah... Tae-Joon..." The director said, "We made sure to reprimand the lights and sounds..."
Raven, or rather Tae-Joon off stage, clicked his tongue in anger. "Whatever. Bring me my coffee! I need a break."
"But you can just go home after the cleanup. Do you still want coffee?"
A naive voice said, obviously new to the scene as she juggle with her box of wires.
She's a big fan of Raven and pulled a lot of strings just to be there. A bit bold, she decided to be the concerned type of staff and berate him of his beverage choice.
Yet she absolutely cannot see the pale faces and the dread sticking on the visages of the people around her. She's in too deep in her tunnel vision of Raven to notice his microphone cracking. Another thing to add to the casualties.
"You... What's your name?" Raven glowered. The fan can feel her heart rate pick up as she told her name. "Oh. You're new. All i could say is..."
Raven got up to her and glared at her much smaller form "You're fired. Get out! Nobody gets to dictate what I damn drink!"
The woman was too stunned to speak as she got dragged out of the venue.
This is Raven. Or in real life, Tae-Joon. A charming man in his own right, in front of the public, he's a gentleman with a seductive touch. Talented, with a handsome visage, he's an international idol.
But in reality, he's one hell of a spoiled brat.
"I WANT MY COFFEE NOW!"
Somehow, because of his sheer dumb luck and his reputation, nobody from his staff decided to expose him for what he really is.
He's full of himself and loves to gloat about his own achievements. And one thing he makes sure to take advantage of is his looks.
He brushes his hair back, shaking off sweat (ew) yet somehow looks so ethereal as he clicked his tongue in annoyance, mesmerizing his staff.
He even went as far as to feed his delusional fans and stans.
He's that far gone.
"Where the hell is my coffee!"
"AY COFFEE!"
He's awful to everyone.
Except...
"Tsk. Tae-Joon... If I hear you yell one more time!"
Raven cowers a bit, pouting as he slithers towards his manager.
"But manager~!"
As if he's a new person, Raven clung to you. His head on your shoulder as he played with your left hand.
"I want my coffee and none of these incompetent people are giving me my coffee!" He whined like a child complaining to his parent. "Scold them for me pwease!"
The staff, used to it, sighed in relief as your deadpan look didn't tolerate Raven's rudeness. On your right hand is his coffee that you handed to him.
"Manager! Thank you so much!" His eyes wide and appreciative, he sips on it and sighs in relief. "Ah... So good... This is why I love you, manager."
Goodness. He's putty in your hands.
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Tae-Joon was once a trainee. He's naturally good looking already so he's being pulled left and right by companies to be in their side. He's an uncut gem, a diamond in the rough waiting to be polished. They saw his potential and wanted a slice of his being.
The once sweet boy, hardened by the harsh training, became a gloating hardhead from the way these people fight for him. After all, he was just a quiet, ambitious guy in highschool. He wanted more, and he got it through hard work and natural charm. And now, years later, he's about to reach his dreams.
Yet once he got in the company of his choice, his demands were... Too much.
"I need to share a dorm with others? No way!"
"Ugh the mattress is too stiff."
"Seriously?! You want me to train for five hours a day?! Two hours! Just two hours!"
"What are these clothes?! These are not branded!"
"No way that I'm performing in that small stage. I don't care if I'm pre-debut, that is ass!"
"Trash beats. Next."
The company was exhausted. He's not even raking money in, yet he's too demanding for his own good.
Desperate, the company opened their doors for a babysitter manager that has a "calm and pleasing personality", "trait that can work in high stress situations", "adaptability", "great leadership skills and authoritative", and can "teach those who are under them". Aka: someone who can tame the damn bird.
That's where you came in.
You were just a fresh graduate in desperate need of a job. Nobody was hiring you since you're new, and needed more experience.
The hiring process was intense, to say the least. You had to herd rowdy children and change them to upright good kids in 10 days. You somehow did it and even got gifts from the grateful parents. Next, you had to juggle schedules and ridiculous demands. Then, you had to endure being yelled and insulted at.
Your mind, heart, and body are now made of steel from that hiring process and you're the only one who rose to the top.
"Congratulations. Here's your care. His name is Tae-Joon, stage name Raven." The head said, nervous and hopeful that you with Tae-Joon will change his attitude.
Tae-Joon raised an eyebrow and sneered. "Ugly."
You were flabbergasted. This is a supposed to be future idol?
But you can only manage a twitch on your lips.
It was hell with him. You thought the hiring process/training regimen was bad, but this was something else.
A explosive personality, he's sassy and mean to a point of wanting to face palm through your head. You had to physically reel him in at some point just because of a hater.
But unlike the others who cowered and tolerated his behavior, you were stern with his behavior and lectured him most of the time.
"You can't just yell at miss Park just because she messed up your order!"
"Get the hell up! You're going to be late to your training!"
"Who the heck do you think you are, ripping up clothes like that huh?!"
You were feisty in your own right and constantly butt heads with him.
But even then, even just with you around, he's just a growling beast cowering from your lectures as you yelled at him.
Yet, even if as you yell at him, your caring hands wiped his sweat off and gave him his water. If somebody actually messed with him, you would lecture that guy. And there are some times that you laugh at his antics and shake your head.
You treated him like an actual human with feelings, rather than a ticking time bomb.
Slowly but surely, Tae-Joon clung to you. You were his only ally in this godforsaken industry and the only one who understood him. You also didn't tolerate his personality and shaped him to be somehow decent.
And, as his manager, you cared for him like nobody did.
Your lectures became less frequent, and he had more instances to see where you smile at him proudly as he finally had his solo debut. More time to talk to him normally, and had small, intimate moments that fuels his social needs.
And as his fame skyrocket, you were always there, waving his lightstick and being his number one fan.
Understandably, he fell for you.
He started to be openly affectionate with you, constantly confessing his love to the point that management had to tell him off to stop being so open with his affection since paparazzi can take a video or picture and ruin his reputation.
He honestly doesn't care. But with you raising an eyebrow at him, he pouts and only becomes clingy in private.
He'd rather hold it in than nothing at all.
And hell be damned if someone took you away from him. Because he may be somehow tolerable now, but that's only because you're there with him.
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Raven just got back from practicing for his new song, and was totally exhausted. He dragged his feet, clearly irritable especially that you weren't there with him.
The staff knew he's not in a good mood so they steer clear of his way.
"Have you seen my manager?" Raven asked a staff who only shook their head. "'kay..."
He looks so depressed that the people around him took pity on the guy as he trudged towards the head.
He passed a meeting room and he heard your voice.
"Another Tae-Joon?"
Another him? What?
He decided to listen in and he heard the managerial head clear his throat.
"Yes. Since Raven is calmer now, we think he needs to move on to another manager. You, on the other hand, will be training another... Hothead."
You held your head, feeling a headache incoming.
"No way. I'm not going through that again. I went through hell with Tae-Joon before. I'm not repeating that."
Ouch. Tae-Joon held his chest, a bit saddened by your words. Well, it was true but it didn't mean it didn't hurt.
Yet... You're not going to be his manager anymore?
Strangely, he felt the numbness creeping up his nape.
"No buts, y/n. You're going to be transfered."
"Did you ask Tae-Joon about this?"
"... Yes, Raven gave the thumbs up."
Liar. LIAR!
Tae-Joon wanted to rush in the room and shake the managerial head until he faints. He didn't give the thumbs up at all!
But he's strangely rooted in place as he heard you sigh.
"Okay. Where's this guy?"
"His name is [redacted]. He'll be here by Monday so be prepared."
When you finally finished the meeting, you went out of the room yet felt a lingering warmth by the wall.
Meanwhile, Tae-Joon rushed towards the trainee building. Eyes cold yet body tense. He wanted to see who the hell is this [redacted]. Nobody, as in nobody will be yours. Only he can be yours.
The trainees were flabbergasted as they saw Raven in the flesh, gawking at his presence and bowing in respect.
Tae-Joon didn't care. He wanted to see where this [redacted] is.
Room 5, and he bursts open through the door.
"What the hell- Raven?" The guy was slack jawed, starstruck. "I'm- I'm a big fan--"
Tae-Joon grabbed his collar and looked him in the eye. It was filled with unbridled rage yet at the same time, bone chilling coldness.
"Fix your fucking attitude." Tae-Joon warned. "Don't be over your head, worm. You better be goddamn nice or else I'll lob your head off."
[redacted] felt like it wasn't just a baseless joke, so he swallowed his saliva and nodded.
"Now. I better see you demand a transfer to the group idol department. You hear me? You aren't debuting solo." Tae-Joon tightened his grip. "Understood?"
It reached the ears of the head that Tae-Joon threatened [redacted]. But don't know what. All they know is that [redacted] pleaded to debut in a group and was suddenly meek and quiet when he transfered departments.
Yet, they somehow knew it had to do something with you, as he clung to you desperately for a week after that.
Then and there, they knew to never, ever try to separate you from him. If they don't want to let go of their greatest asset and set him off.
So, despite how dangerous Raven has become, they forced [redacted] to be quiet by... Not so savorable means.
"You're not leaving me, right?" Tae-Joon whispered, looking exhausted yet satisfied as he hugged your waist.
You, who just realized how deep Tae-Joon is in his affection, sighed and rubbed his head. "I'm not."
And it better stay that way.
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shishoku · 1 year ago
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I'm sorry for the little spam of personal posts during these past days, but seeing that this blog is like a window into my past I would like to write down a few things so that I can find them in the future.
I feel SO DAMN EMOTIONAL right now. I find it very hard to explain. The past few days have been an emotional rollercoaster XD Seeing all these Kiryu videos again has made my heart warm in a way that I didn't think possible, I felt like that part of me died years ago and now it's back at full swing.
I missed it SO MUCH. I missed THEM so much, the happiness they bring to my life is so different to everything else... I'm probably at my best moment in many ways, but I was lacking that excitement and that warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach every time I see or hear them.
The last time I felt this way, they were everything to me. They were my life, my soul, my nourishment... Now I have a partner that is all I ever wanted and more, someone that I even made a Kiryu fan XD And somehow... I feel complete, and motivated to do things that I was avoiding before.
I feel guilty for "leaving" the fandom (although I never truly left, I found myself listening to their music every few months, but I lost track of releases and news). I should have never stayed away from this band, but I found it so hard to focus, to be into them. Now that so much time has passed, I can understand that the root of my biggest problems was all the same, I lost myself completely. I forgot who I was and responsibility took the best of me... it took my happiness, my weirdness, my spark, my health... I'm so thankful for my partner, because he slowly guided me back here, and he loves me just as I am, and he puts up with my silly fangirling... which is a lot honestly XD
I hope this time I don't stray away from this path, my path. I know that when I get to see those lives without Takemasa it will destroy me, and I will cry and I will want to leave again. Just like when I saw how Mahiro changed and it pushed me away for a few more months... but I feel for him, I don't judge him and I will continue to love him regardless. And for Negi... I just feel so happy that he has someone, I hope that he didn't have to go on this hiatus feeling guilty or scared, and also that fans understand that he is a human and not a toy or a virtual boyfriend... That line was always so clear to me, I want them to be happy in their private lives, I wish them to have the best partners, and children if that's what they want. As much as I can be an idiot and fangirl and make thirsty comments in the tags... they are human just like me, and I never forgot that.
And how did I end up writing about that? I have no idea. I've been laughing and crying and finding it hard to sleep with all these things going through my head that I'm a bit lost. All I'm hoping for is Mahiro to get better so that I can see him again someday. And maybe even Takemasa will make a comeback and I will sell my soul for a plane ticket to Japan XD I wouldn't want to miss seeing them live together again.
And now I have to save a whole lot of money for a trip to Japan XD AND spend a lot fo money on DVDs... that is the hardest part honestly because most of what I don't have is sold out. And there is no one sharing things anymore .__.
And even if there is no one to see my gifs and random posts anymore, I will do it because it makes me happy, because it completes me. That is all that matters.
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eileen-crys · 2 years ago
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Have you heard whether Deaky gets mentioned at all in Rudi's new book..?
Hi! Ok, so- Yes, in the last days I've been able to give a quick read to Rudi's book thanks to a friend's friend who lent me her ebook haha I'll leave a personal review under the cut at the end of the post.
John is not mentioned very much, when it happens it's usually because the band as a whole gets mentioned, and it's mostly while filming videos, but there are a couple of anecdotes with John worth mentioning imho and that I took screenshots of. Mind you that I'd always take Rudi with a grain of salt (more under the cut) but I personally don't see any issue in these anecdotes.
First we have the band rehearsing at Wembley Arena before the Magic tour, and we have a glimpse of John excusing himself for not coming at Freddie's place with the others, to go home instead 🥺💕
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Freddie seemed a bit disappointed but Rudi is quick to remind the readers about their friendship. Phoebe already mentioned in his own book how Freddie and John were close in the studio during this period when they wrote some songs together, but their private lives remained quite separated and Freddie was always respectful of it.
I forgot to screenshot mentions of John during the filming of Breakthru, Rudi recalls how John came up with the idea of having a train in the video, but more than once the whole band was worried of being on the train and John expressed his concern a couple of time, in fear they'd fall down the train while moving! But in the end they had great fun and "John enjoyed the wind in his hair" 😌
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And now a sadder bit, after Freddie's passing, during the rehearsals for the tribute concert:
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Nothing new for us fans, but I appreciate the respectful tone this is written in. It's also the last time John gets mentioned and it's easy to believe it's the last time Rudi saw him as well.
More Brian-related, but I still found sweet, is Freddie directing the band on the Slightly Mad video and trying to convince them about his ideas:
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It's never enough to repeat how Freddie was the peace-maker of the band and I thought this bit on the Slightly Mad set could be a nice example of him convincing his bandmates in the studio about his ideas.
Now, if you want more thoughts on Rudi and the book...
First, I admit I skipped quite rapidly through the book and looked mostly for John anecdotes or things related to the band or about filming the videos, so I haven't properly read the book in its entirety. I jumped a lot through the chapters. However, I must admit I didn't find it terrible as expected and there was an overall tone of genuine admiration and almost naive curiosity about Freddie and about his work. (The book should be titled "Me simping for Freddie" 🤣).
I don't like Rudi as a person, it's no secret, he irks me big time. And his book is FAR from being flawless. It's almost annoying how much, also in the book, he praises himself (yes Rudi your videos are good, we know 😅) or is unaware of how gross or inappropriate some things might be to read black on white. But I didn't read malicious intents, he's truly oblivious about certain things specially regarding gays and how they "work". His chapter "I'm the only hetero among a group of relaxed gays" is still terrible, no cap, but in the entirety of the book it's clear he's had a moment of confusion dictated by wrong prejudices at the time, and def didn't recall it in the best of ways. HOWEVER he also realizes how wrong his moment of fear of getting AIDS through a kiss has been, and admits that while he got scared, it was all because of the ignorance an panic that was diffused at the time, and acknowledges it. Some steps back, some steps forward.
He also clearly enjoys telling coke-related stories, he admits he had an issue with it, it's also a way to admit how normal having coke was and still is in the showbiz but some people might not like to read about it. Be aware.
Rudi has a story of telling lies and exaggerating stuff, bragging about his relationship with Freddie, and seeking attention like a teen, so I'd recommend to take his stories with a grain of salt, but his book to me sounded much different from, say, the terrible LAJ who writes in a scandalistic mocking tone and brags about being best friend with Freddie when she's never been.
While still telling funny stories related to drugs and parties, Rudi pours a lot of pure admiration for Freddie in his book and praises his talent and creativity and good heart, and took also a step back with his Barbara stories, admitting she and Freddie never had sex, and constantly repeating that Freddie was gay and much in love with Winnie first and then Jim. Mary is briefly mentioned, too, but still not as "Freddie's true love yada yada". I was quite confused about the bits where Phoebe tells Rudi that Freddie got sick in Munich and thought was already AIDS but I'd blame more Phoebe for it, recently I can't trust him anymore.
I must admit I was surprised because I expected much worse. I still would recommend it only if you want to collect all books about Freddie and are interested in a new perspective, and if I had to choose between this or LAJ I'd definitely choose Rudi's book. There is also a good dose of anecdotes about the backstages of filming, which I'm a huge fan of, honestly 😅🙏🏻
So, in the end, it's not the best book I'd recommend to a new Queen fan and I would also mention Rudi's habit of not being very reliable, but I wouldn't throw it directly in the fire either.
P. S.: I would throw in the fire all the pages with the abominations that are certain edited photos passed as drawingsto get clout, and I know you know what I'm talking about lol
These are my opinions of course, feel free to agree or disagree but please be polite 🙏🏻💖 I've (kinda) read the book so you didn't have to 😘
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mellometal · 4 years ago
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Hi, everyone.
I have something extremely important to talk about that is NOT fandom related. I really do hope this can reach everyone on here, especially since it's still Autism Acceptance Month.
A few quick questions for anyone who happens to see this before I dive right into this: Have you ever heard of Dhar Mann? If so, have you ever seen his videos? What do you think about them?
If you don't know who Dhar Mann is, he's a content creator whose main platforms are Instagram and YouTube. He makes these videos about various scenarios from a couple on the brink of divorce, to kids bullying one of their peers, even about Autism Spectrum Disorder. All of his videos have some kind of message at the end that really drives the point home. One of his most recent videos is about ASD, which is what I'm going to discuss today.
Personally, I think some of his videos are interesting, despite the concepts being reused and recycled over and over; however, how I feel about the video he made about ASD is the complete opposite. I'll summarize the video he made so you don't have to watch it. (If you really want to watch it to see exactly what I'm talking about, I'm not gonna stop you. Do what you need to do in order to form your own opinion.)
The video Dhar Mann made about ASD is about this boy who excludes his autistic brother from participating in activities with his friends at school. The boy bullies his autistic brother and does pretty much everything to make his brother's life Hell, even going as far as to pretend that he doesn't know his own brother. The boy "instantly regrets his decision" when their mom is called into the school to discipline her son for bullying his autistic brother. What his mother says is what REALLY upsets me. The message of this video in particular is this, WORD FOR FUCKING WORD. I wish I was kidding. But here's the message below:
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How the video concludes is the boy reluctantly includes his autistic brother in every single activity, the boy sees his brother's potential, and they live happily ever after. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.
As an autistic woman who works with disabled people for a living, that message Dhar Mann put in this video specifically is not only extremely ableist, but is also spreading misinformation about ASD.
News flash to all the people who still spread misinformation about ASD: Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school, nor is every single autistic person a young white man who's a Super Genius™️. (I could go on all day long about how the media stereotypes autistic characters and autistic people in general, but that's a whole other topic.) No autistic person is the same, meaning we all fall on the spectrum in different places and all that jazz. There's no "look" to autistic people either because no autistic person looks the same.
Autistic women exist.
Autistic girls exist.
Autistic nonbinary people exist.
Autistic BIPOC and AAPI exist.
Autistic people who are completely nonverbal exist.
Autistic people who are completely verbal exist.
Autistic people who are in the middle of being nonverbal and verbal exist.
Autistic people who require minimal to no support exist.
Autistic people who require moderate support exist.
Autistic people who require full support exist.
Autistic LGBT people exist. (Reason why I bring this one up is because the media almost always shows cishet autistic men and I don't see autistic LGBT representation very often, if ever.)
Autism isn't something you can "catch". People have this same mentality about ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome too, which, by the way, you can't "catch" either.
Autism doesn't "go away" when you reach adolescence or adulthood. Why? BECAUSE AUTISTIC TEENAGERS AND AUTISTIC ADULTS EXIST. Autistic kids grow into autistic teenagers, then into autistic adults.
You can't "cure" it either. Unless you can build a time machine and a device to go back in time to change how a person's brain develops, there is no cure. ABA therapy is a fucking shit show in itself that does more harm than good.
The title of the video is a real squick for me too. It's mostly because I don't particularly enjoy people using person first language (the "boy with autism" part). I've seen many other autistic people on multiple other platforms sharing that same sentiment and preferring identity first language (autistic person). There are also others who prefer using person first language and those who don't have a preference. That's all perfectly valid. Whatever you prefer people using when referring to you, or whatever you refer to yourself as, in this case, is totally valid and I love you. This goes for disabilities in general, not just Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Regarding the message in this video, here's my response to it! A quick heads-up, my response is VERY long and VERY passionate. I was VERY close to making a response video where I tear that video apart AND tear Dhar Mann a new asshole. Unfortunately, it worked me up so much that I was really struggling with what I wanted to say and I had to stop multiple times because I kept stumbling on my words. That's how angry this message made me. I'll try my best to explain whatever parts you have questions about. I put my response in the nicest way I possibly could, despite me seething with rage, wanting to go OFF on him.
(The first part of my response are the first three screenshots, and the second part are the last three screenshots.)
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The first part of my response, I did forget to add that the message is offensive and disrespectful to autistic people as a whole. I apologize. My initial comment got way too long. I pretty much covered that when I told him the message is ableist. I wanted to clear that up before anyone asks about it.
The second part of my response is me opening up about my experience with being diagnosed with ASD, formerly known as As//per//ger's Syn//dro//me, at sixteen years old. I also went into how not calling ASD what it truly is (which is a disability) and calling it a "different ability" instead is extremely harmful and is treating being disabled like it's a bad thing.
By the way, saying that a disabled person is disabled isn't a bad thing. I'm disabled. It is what it is. Does it have its challenges? You bet. Does it help me with certain things? Hell yeah. I can really absorb information about my favorite bands, characters, shows, books, etc., and tell you a lot about those things. For example, I can tell you that Su can't ride a bike or read manga and she's okay with that. I can also tell you she can't tie her shoes very well, which is why her boots don't have laces and are slip-on and/or zip-up. But that doesn't mean my struggles are nonexistent or that I never struggle. I do, and it makes my life Hell at times.
The narrative that autism is a bad thing to have, every autistic person is somehow broken and they all need to be "fixed" is also super fucked up and not true. That's the narrative that I received when I was diagnosed by a therapist I had. I'm gonna be real here, I cried when I was first told that I was diagnosed with ASD. I felt like I was broken. I already felt like a total outcast. Being told about my diagnosis made me feel even more broken than I already felt. I was so ashamed of myself, despite me not doing anything wrong whatsoever, that I masked for SEVEN YEARS of my life. I masked for so long that I forgot I was even diagnosed with ASD in the first place. I wasn't taught how to really put my special interests into good use. I kinda had to figure that out on my own. I was pretty much under the assumption that me being interested in anime, cartoons, music, comics, theatre, writing, etc., to the point of obsession, was somehow weird and hurting people around me. You know, despite those things being harmless. Despite me being able to separate those things from other things that are important (like work, for example). Despite my only surviving parent, other family members, and the woman he was dating at the time completely overreacting and not bothering to see exactly what makes these things so special to me.
(By the way, having a disability does not completely make who a person is. There are a lot more things that make who a person is than that.)
It's kinda shocking that I wasn't able to come to terms with my diagnosis until this year. Considering that I masked for so long due to being ashamed of myself, plus being treated like a burden for being disabled, it's probably not very surprising. I initially thought at the time that it was the worst thing to have, as I was already struggling with enough shit back then, but came to realize it's not a bad thing. It doesn't change who I am. But I'm glad I came to terms with it finally nonetheless.
This is getting way too long, so I'm gonna wrap things up here. If you've read this far, thank you so much. I'm sorry this got so long!
If you watched the video, what are your thoughts on it? If this is your first time hearing about Dhar Mann, how do you feel about him? If you're a Dhar Mann fan, did this change your opinion on him in any way? Feel free to sound off in the comments!
Have a great day, everyone!
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inglourious-imagines · 4 years ago
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Oh Captain, My Captain (Ronald Speirs)
Requested by: @sydney-m
Summary: You and Speirs fooled around a bit but it was just a one-time thing. However, he can't fight his feelings for much longer.
Author's Note: I don't know if this is what you wanted but this idea suddenly strucked me and I had to write it haha. Hope you like it!
Taglist: @alienoresimagines @teenmagazines @meteora-fc @eugenesmorphine @band-of-brothers-cz @real-fans  @not-john-watsons-blog @tealaquinn @ok-roemanov @mrseasycompany @punkgeekchic @wexhappyxfew @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant @rayofshanshine @mavysnavy @easynix @stressedinadress @georgeluzwarmhugs @easy-company-tradition @immrsronaldspeirs @snafus-peckuh @curraheewestandalone @warrior-healer @justamadgirlinabox @happyveday
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"Find what you love and let it kill you." - Bukowski
"The war's over."
Those three words echoed in her head like a prayer and she still quite couldn't catch the real grasp of it. After such long years of fighting and dying it almost seemed surreal for it to end now. Just like that.
Y/N looked at her trembling hands, not really sure about what's wrong with her. She should be happy, so incredibly happy, that it's all finally over. No more fighting, no more killing, no more dying.
Y/N glanced at the officer sitting next to Lewis Nixon as she tried so much not to stare at his tired face. In that exact moment, in that early summer sun, Ronald Speirs looked like the most innocent person in the entire world that she almost forgot what weight he had to carry on his shoulders.
All of them had to.
Harry Welsh smoking a cigarette leaned closer to her, "You really should talk with him. The war's over now. He deserves to know."
Y/N forced herself to look away from the worn out soldier. "I don't know, Harry... I'm- I'm scared." she whispered turning to the paratrooper fully.
"There's nothing to be afraid of, my dear." Welsh tried to reassure her but both of them knew it's just words. Speirs was an unpredictable person and nobody ever knew what possibly can go on in his mind. 
"But even if you are, you've got to tell him. What would you do if he didn't know? Disappear? Run away?" Harry took a drag from his cigarette and Y/N knew he's telling the purest truth. She had to do it even though every single part of her said no.
•••
Y/N's eyes wandered to the bottle of whiskey for the hundredth time in five minutes and she had to hold her hand down so she wouldn't grab it. It was harder, way harder than it should, with all the soldiers around her getting drunk just like the other night.
"How come you don't have a drink, darling?" Speirs crashed on the chair next to her, his cheeks flushed and a bright smile on his face. She'd never - during the entire war - seen him so happy just like in that moment.
"I haven't been feeling well, that's all." Y/N tried to explain, partly to avoid the conversation about alcohol but the more she thought about what she said, the more she realised she actually didn't lie. Not at all.
"What's the matter? You probably should go to bed, Y/N. I can get you some extra blankets. And hot tea. Or coffee, whatever you like." Ron mumbled quickly as some emotion wave through his body. He tried to ignore it but it came back when he looked at the young female soldier next to him.
"I'm okay, it's nothing serious." Y/N laughed patting his shoulder gently. Ron didn't have the slightest idea how he missed her touch. This was beyond his own mind and understanding. After the slight touch they shared, he found himself falling in, craving for her hands, body and soul.
"Do you think we can talk?" the tone of her voice suddenly changed and he was met with a pair of concerned deep Y/E/C eyes.
He nodded faintly, not sure what could go wrong so quickly but he took her cold hand anyway and led her into an empty room.
Y/N walked around the room looking everywhere but at him and Speirs knew right away she's hiding something from him.
"What is it? You're kinda scaring me to be honest." he admitted as he finished his drink putting the glass away.
"No! I swear I'm okay. It's just-... I have to tell you something." 
"Are you sure you're fine? You look a bit pale, the bed might really help." Ron insisted as his posture was evidently concerned, worried and maybe even scared. He had no idea what could be so important that Y/N felt the need to be alone for talking.
The truth was, even he tried his hardest to fight it, Ronald Speirs couldn't stop his mind, soul and heart from wanting her war-stained lips, her tender touch, her quiet whisper, her joinful laugh, her beautiful scarred body. He simply craved every single part of Y/N, the desperate need to have her near him was complicating his life but he was slowly giving in. Y/N was his new hope.
"I truly feel okay, don't worry." Y/N sounded a bit frustrated with the soldier as she couldn't get to the point.
"I'm gonna get you some water at least, right? Just wait a second." Speirs stated as a matter of fact walking towards the door.
And at the moment, when his hand touched the door knob, Y/N knew that if he left the room, she'd never be able to tell him.
"I'm pregnant, Ron!" 
Everything stopped. His arm fell to his body as he immediately freezed on the spot. Speirs expected everything, every single thing in the world, but not this. He slowly turned on his heel looking directly into her scared eyes. Fatigue and worry was basically radiating off of her.
"Are you sure it's mine?" Ronald whispered because he didn't dare to speak out loud. A weird atmosphere was floating in the air as well as plenty of unanswered questions. "Alright, that's a stupid question." he added as he saw the ironic look she sent him.
The room was flooded with silence for a moment - neither of them didn't know what to say. Their emotions were going through a storm, it was difficult to look at the other one without the unconditional love they'd been hiding inside of them since the night in Heagenau.
"I better buy that family house in the States I've wanted to buy for a long time then." Ronald Speirs finally spoke up with an innocent pure smile set on his face. 
A single tear rolled down her cheek. Ron took a few steps toward her. "It has a beautiful garden with lots of flowers of so many kinds. There's even a little house for the dog you've always said you wanted. The view from there is spectacular - woods and hills and mountains."
At this very point, Y/N was crying like a little baby as she hugged the soldier so tight like she never wanted to let him go.
"We made a human." Ron whispered pressing a gentle kiss on her lips that expressed way more than words ever could.
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ruinedbygaysstylinson · 8 years ago
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Part 1: Hello, I've frequently lurked on your blog, first time sending an ask. I saw your 'overdue rant' and want to explain the other side respectfully. I used to stan Liam. I don't anymore, not that I don't appreciate what he did and how he and Zayn had (maybe have?) a great relationship. I think there is a difference between seeing something written in print and hearing it said. I like Z the most, I'll be honest so the fact that L dragged him 3 times (IRLnot print) doesn't sit right with me.
Part 2: So I’m disappointed by what Liam said, and if he/his team just admitted they were shitty things to say, me and most Ztans would be cool with it. But what he said was so unnecessary and could’ve been avoided? Hell Niall did it with grace in billboard. I would never talk shit abt Liam or try to change people’s minds abt him but that’s what you’re all doing now, trying to excuse what L said instead of calling him out. 1 can still stan people and see why someone might have a problem w them!
_____________________________________
Hello! First off, thanks for sharing your concerns and feelings with me so politely. I enjoy hearing the thoughts of people outside my corner of the fandom. I agree that there is a difference between print!Liam and live!Liam, and it definitely upset me to hear how Liam’s team incorporated Zayn into Liam’s promo tour. However, after moping around for a bit, I was able to step back and consider the biggest motivating factor to all this controversy.
Liam has mentioned Zayn multiple times in the past month. A few were references to his appreciation for Pillowtalk, and the other 3 were the comments in question. Let’s break them down one by one.
1) Liam Payne sat down for a chat with our old pal Dan Wootton. Dan is a longtime friend of Simon, and has broken literally every exclusive for Liam’s latest relationship with Simon’s close friend and XF judge. How convenient. Dan also has slammed each of the boys individually and as a band on multiple occasions. Regardless of that, he has still received solo exclusives from Zayn, Niall, Harry, and Liam (and I’m sure Louis’ moment is coming as well). In this interview, Liam apparently forgot that several times in the 2 years from April 2015 on, he revealed that he had spoken with Zayn and everything was good between them. Let’s recall the infamous elevator pap clip where Liam said he loves Zayn with his own mouth, and would never rule him out of a future 1D reunion. Poof. That’s gone now, and replaced with Liam “confiding” in Dan that he isn’t sure what Zayn’s problem was, and there won’t be an OT5 reunion. Keep in mind, this interview was recorded without video, so we don’t even know if the final cut included Liam’s original words on Zayn. He may have had to “repeat” himself to get Dan’s point across. In my opinion, considering the close relationship between Dan and Simon, and Simon’s dislike of Liam following his solo signing and the 2017 Brits, I think this interview is highly suspicious at best. Moving on..
2) Shortly after the interview with Dan was released, we got footage of Liam playing a twisted game where he had to choose one of his close friends to condemn. First of all, this question should NEVER have been asked. It’s highly inappropriate and his team should’ve screened it out. The fact that it was allowed to be asked is interesting, and I will get to that in a bit. If you haven’t seen the clip, Liam has to choose between Ed Sheeran, Harry, or Zayn to leave behind, like in a scenario similar to the Titanic. Breaking down the choices is tough, because there is no good answer. Ed has been publicly friends with the boys for years, and helped write Liam’s new single. Ed also has a ton of fans who wouldn’t take kindly to the thought of Liam abandoning him after he generously helped launch Liam’s solo career. Harry was in the middle of his own album promo tour, and Liam had already said that Harry’s style of music isn’t his favorite. I doubt he wanted to make multiple negative comments about one of his closest friends. Zayn and Liam did not continue their public relationship after March 2015, and everyone is aware that he left the band. Liam also complimented Zayn’s music in interviews before and after this clip. Choosing Zayn was the lesser of 3 evils as far as the public is concerned. Still technically evil, but the best choice in the face of an extremely loaded question. As far as how Liam answered the question, I don’t think Liam was being malicious. His wording was very specific. Liam’s sense of humor can be dark at times, but he didn’t actually say he would leave Zayn for dead. For all we know, he meant leave him behind with a life ring or something. I don’t think it’s wise to assume that Liam was purposefully trying to hurt Zayn in a pretend game that was obviously setup to make him cast a negative light on their relationship.
3) This Tuesday Liam attended the Glamour awards and presented James Corden with an award. In his speech, Liam spoke of how James wanted to be in a boyband, and shared that James was in a band of his own that even boasted a slogan. Liam commented that maybe if 1D had a slogan, Zayn wouldn’t have left, and he would keep that in mind for next time. There are a couple things that I would like to draw to your attention. First, Zayn did leave the band (whether you believe it was willing or not), but that doesn’t seem to be the issue. From what I’ve gathered, people are mad that Liam basically claimed that Zayn’s depature could’ve been avoided with something as small as a slogan. In other words, Liam seems to be oblivious to how difficult Zayn’s time in the band was. Let’s turn back the clock a bit. Liam and Zayn were extremely close friends for the entireity of OT5’s existence. They shared interests such as the world of superheroes and comic books, and commented multiple times on their similar taste in music. They also most likely shared far more personal subjects, such as difficulties with public opinion or lack of musical input. If you weren’t in the fandom for March 2015 and the following months, you may not realize that Liam was literally devastated by Zayn’s sudden departure. He cried on stage multiple times and was generally less enthusiastic for weeks following the incident. The fact that Liam is able to joke about something that upset him greatly tells me that some of his scars are healing. Liam is making light of what was clearly a very difficult situation for everyone involved, not trivializing what Zayn went through. Second, let’s all ponder what “keeping it in mind for next time” means. The next time one of your band members decides to abruptly leave mid-tour, or the next time Liam is in a band with Zayn? Of course, there’s no way to know for sure, but one of those two options is way more likely than the other. Take from it what you will.
So what we wind up with upon further inspection is a couple offhanded comments and a questionable interview with Simon’s bestie. All of it was unnecessary, I agree, and that raises the question, why is Liam talking about Zayn so much after 2 years of near radio silence? His team is obviously on board with this bizarre strategy, but why? I don’t know the specifics of why Liam’s team is continuing to associate Zayn and Liam, but I have a couple ideas. Perhaps it’s to perpetuate the idea that Liam is completely free of 1D. We could be led to believe that Liam was not allowed to discuss Zayn while in 1D, but now he is. This idea is limited by the elevator clip I mentioned early though. Why else would he randomly change his stance on one of the most controversial situations involving his best friend of 5 years? Perhaps in the future there will be a public reconciliation in which Zayn and Liam have a heart-to-heart, and that leads to an OT5 reunion. Who knows? But from what I do know about Liam, suddenly bashing Zayn after all they shared together is extremely out of character, and something that I refuse to take at face value.
I hope that this helps you understand how I worked through my feelings towards this unfortunate round of promo. I personally don’t see Liam apologizing for any of the above instances because none of them were truly meant to hurt Zayn. I think they were meant to reassociate Zayn and Liam in the press, but it was poorly planned and the attempts at humor fell flat. In my mind, there is no bigger Ztan than Liam himself, and I completely understand why this has thrown a lot of people for a loop. Here’s hoping for a better round of promo in the coming month.
If anyone wants to continue this discussion, feel free to shoot me an ask or message me! I may take a bit to respond but I will answer eventually!
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