#I forget it exists bc I don’t interact with it and also don’t exist on wattpad with all its RPF

[biggesthomuradefender]

one thing i feel like some ppl forget, gloss over, or just don’t know abt madoka/madokami, is that her existence as a concept/god is much more than being lonely and unhappy, it also involves a cycle of endless and constant suffering and purification w absolutely no reward outside of saving magical girls from being witches.

let me explain:

when madoka made her wish, aka became a god, she swore to prevent all witches from the past, the present, and the future forever, meaning that madoka is CONSTANTLY sending herself everywhere at once all the time in order to do that, while also having to absorb the negative energy from their gems AND purify it all at the same time.

could you imagine just how absolutely fucking exhausting and lonely that is? not only does no one know or remember her, outside of homura, and she can’t even interact w anybody outside of her role as a savior and a god.

and she constantly has to purify all of the negative energy she absorbs 24/7. is an endless cycle with, as i said before, zero reward except for preventing witches.

there’s a scene in rebellion where madoka reaches for homura, and each time she does, you can see scars littered on her arm (s). not only is that a literal representation of her dying for the “sins”, aka wishes of all magical girls, but i also think that they’re meant to signify madoka’s pain, the pain she hides and lies about behind her god status and her genuine, loving demeanor.

it’s why the flower scene is so important and powerful; yes, it may have been madoka w/o her proper memories intact, but that’s exactly it: madoka is only able to be so honest w homura right then and there bc she doesn’t remember her godly obligations, all of her guilt and responsibilities at all.

and homura knows all of this. it’s why her reaction is so intense, desperate, and painful, esp after her fake world begins to rly fall apart; like madoka, homura very easily blames herself for a lot, even the stuff that isn’t rly her fault and she’s just being unfair/mean to herself.

[cosmicpoutine]

leaving a lil rant here :]

I love Tim and his ships sm. Me personally, I only really ship TimKon. Those two are perfect for eachother and have so much clear queer coding that it’s crazy, and they have dialogue that’s just. gay shaped.

I also get TimBart, I don’t ship it romantically but I get why people do!! Tim and Bart are close as well, and the balance they get between ‘depressed tired wet cat’ and ‘living breathing embodiment of adhd’ is great.

I also get TimBartKon, they’re a trio. They are always a trio, so many people like to bring up how TimKon has so much coding and one of the big examples they use is when Tim tried to clone Kon. You know who else he tried to clone? Bart.

The only Tim ship I don’t get is TimBern, or any ship involving those two. When Bernard first appears, he’s Tim’s bully. He actively makes fun of tim and puts him down and then that character is forgotten about until Tim comes out as bi, then they just rework his character and go “haha guys this is his boyfriend not bully ygs are crazy” and just forget about all the bad stuff Bernard did? Reworking a character is great and all but, it just feels a bit weird and out of place for me. There’s always going to be that certain toxicity for TimBern, at least for me.

homie... bully??? im flabbergasted- im speechless- im jason todd (dead)

okay, im gonna start off by saying you have all the right to not ship them, and im not here to defend timbern as a ship. im here to defend BERNARD DOWD.

first thing bernard does is give tim advice about teachers, and he clearly says they're gonna be good friends.

if bernard was a bully, tim wouldn't hang around him so much. besides, i hate it when people place tim as a helpless little boy who would get bullied. he has put himself in situations where he looks weak on purpose to keep his identity safe, but he's not a victim at all. tim is a social butterfly because he's really good at masking and reading people.

not to mention, both bernard and darla push tim a lot because they're trying to get him to open up and be closer to them, but he keeps pushing them away. tim is a professional liar.

and when tim has to quit robin and start hanging out with normal people, he invites bernard over.

and bernard is acting relatively normal, and he wants to play video games and talk about how hot tim's stepmom is.

bernard is a normal teenager who has no idea one of his friends is the hero he's so obsessed with. he even shows concern for robin dying and makes up an entire conspiracy theory about batman havin a robin orphanage. you can tell he's afraid of robin being gone for real because at this point they haven't seen robin in months bc tim retired.

i dont know what about all of these interactions gave you the vibe that he's a bully because all i see is a normal teenager teasing his friends and being jealous tim gets more bitches.

im not saying that bernard was never mean or weird around tim, but he definitely wasn't actively bullying tim.

bernard is obnoxious and cocky, yes. but thats just because they wrote him as a real person. he's the school's chameleon, maybe even a little bit of a loser, too. he knows everyone but keeps a safe distance so that he doesn't get pushed into a box. im not sure if, at this point, he was already in a cult or being indoctrinated, but when we see his parents and the dowd home in tim drake: robin that just doesn't look right.

also homie talk about "forgetting all the bad things bernard did" (which in my opinion is none but okay lets follow that logic) everyone forget about all the bad things batman did to tim, he was not a kind and loving mentor, he was cruel to both tim and steph. we forget that batman was kind of an asshole to damien in the beginning. all those things are forgotten for the sake of the batfam.

in conclusion: we're just so used to the idea that superheroes can only ever form strong friendship bonds by having near death experiences together that we forget that the secret identifies exist and that the people who know them by their legal name also means a lot to them. after all, these people are the reason why they're heroes.

[seireitonin]

Quick rant on some stupid discourse

“This fandom doesn’t take horror seriously!1!!1!1 it’s just a bunch of ocs!1!1!1!1😡” Bro, Creepypasta has always been goofy af. Even the word“Creepypasta” sounds goofy. Literally every Creepypasta Character is someone’s oc, made my a traumatized angsty teen or young adult in 2011-2016. You expect us to read some silly shit like Jeff the Killer and be shaking in our boots? (Still like Jeff btw) Get real. I like the “realistic and scary” portrayals of the Creepypasta characters too! But I also love fanon. This fandom was literally based off fun. I hate when ppl come with this “im better than you” mindset bc they don’t like fanon/ want them to be scary only. I really can’t stand it. This fandom has always been based on fun and comfort. Everyone made the popular Creepypasta characters for fun and sometimes to vent/ be a self insert. Ppl are acting like we didn’t have comics and fics where they lived in a mansion together and chilled like a family with a y/n insert because ppl were comforted by these characters , myself included. Ppl act like we didn’t always have goofy/ silly fan art. Ppl act like these aren’t vent characters that brought comfort to lots of ppl. Ppl act like the creators themselves didn’t make silly, goofy fun content with their own characters. (Laughing jack, ticci Toby, bloody painter, etc for example all their creators drew them/ portrayed in fun ways in content I still rewatch) Let’s not forget our roots. Creepypasta (the character based side of it) is still so loved and popular because of the fun stuff like that that people can look back on fondly. Why does it make you so mad that ppl want to use the characters differently than you/ make fanon content? So these “ocs” are only decent/ okay when you use them your way and have your seal of approval??? Please be serious. This is coming from someone who likes Fanon and canon. One isn’t better than the other. You’re not better than everyone else because you want to make them “realistic and scary” let that mindset go. Let people have fun. Let people find comfort where they want. Seeing people having fun and being comforted shouldn’t make you mad. The block button exists and is free. Just block them and only interact with the side of the fandom you want to see. There’s multiple sides of it. I block content I don’t want to see all the time. Doesn’t mean I hate these people or their content, I just don’t want to see it personally. But I don’t go around unironically shaming people for content I don’t like. Because that’s dumb. (Unless it’s something awful like using offenderman, demonizing mental illness etc I have called people out for this, semi - respectfully before) Shaming people for not portraying Creepypasta characters made my angsty teens and adults in the way you specifically want to see them/ be portrayed is just so silly. This fandom doesn’t revolve around you and what you want. Or anyone for that matter. Respect other people. No one’s “better” than anyone. Because everyone sees and uses and portrays the characters differently and that’s always been the best part of this fandom. The freedom, creativity, fun and comfort. That’s how it’s always been. Nothings changed.

[destiny-in-the-universe]

and we are back on the hyperfixation train-

seriously i cannot stop with the never-ending brainrot when it comes to randy cunningham so, if anyone is genuinely interested in seeing more rambles about this show because honestly the gears are turning lol, both due to my incoming crossover and just- things in general?

it’s late, the ideas aren’t flowing as well as i’d like right now, so in the meantime have a series of random headcanons

RC9GN Headcanons

~ Since magic is a thing in the universe, I’ve always envisioned that creatures from Japanese folklore/legends/etc coexist with humans- however they mostly appear in other plane of existence and don’t interact with mortals at all- i know this doesn’t make sense yet but it will,, when it’s not past midnight lol

~ I’m firmly convinced Plop Plop and Howard could be part of the same bloodline (Howard is 100% a descendant of Plop Plop, this is just canon lol i was there i was uhhh, howard’s shirt /lh)

~ this is practically canon but Plop Plop is?? practically immortal?? Could the same apply to the First Ninja? (because he’s now just sort of in the nomicon- like is he technically immortal bc his soul’s trapped in it so to speak)

~ ADHD Randy. Like how could he be anything but? I mean look at him

~ Julian is 100% some breed of ND, as is Howard. I make the rules this is canon now

~ Can I please just have the idea that Randy continues the mantle of being the Ninja post-grad? Like, don’t mind wipe him i’m begging- but also, consider he does forget and then something happens where it triggers his memories back- could make an au out of this but not right now,

~ There’s no way half the characters are straight lmao

~ I just watched the reveal episode and I like to think Viceroy sabotaging the robot because, well, Randy’s 14-

~ absentee parents for Randy- like. how does he get away with half the things he does? where even are his parents

~ Howard clearly has abandonment issues. I seriously need this being a thing more often-

~ caretaker Howard- to what level would the suit protect Randy?? I genuinely think Howard patches Randy up whenever he gets injured bc of literal ROBOTS

~ Randy 100% has self esteem issues?? (living in shooblivion was a perfect example of this-)

~ Heidi also has ADHD

~ Adoptive Parent First Ninja. I will not accept anything less-

~ Randy is a summer child. Howard was born in winter-

~ Game Developer Howard? I need this

~ Randy is a bit of an artist. He can already play instruments- so I say let him know how to dance, maybe not an expert but he knows his moves; also, he can sing- he does vocals in his and Howard’s band

~ not really an hc but if i don’t get more lore for the tengu i might actually go insane lol (what is the connection between the ninja and the demon bird-)

~ so. Randy, this kid- istg if this wasn’t an episodic, lighthearted kids show, he would be so traumatized. ptsd for Randy

~ Asian Randy- I’m not sure which one just yet

~ another Randy hc- I need Randy being a descendant of the Norisu 9-

~ Theresa your crush on Randy is so freaking obvious-

~ SIR, hello?? Not exactly a headcanon but I swear to everything- Randy and Debbie are a disaster waiting to happen. The identity reveal has me screaming, and honestly I wanted more; aka I need a more angsty version of the same episode istg

~ am I the only seeing Mort pseudo-adopting Randy??

~ there will be more to come but not right now- this pup is taking a slumber,, they are eepy

[hottiehiei]

- Slow burn romance with Hiei PART TWO

After months of mutual attraction, Hiei will ultimately confess— out of anger.

gender neutral. sfw. fluff. angst. (also, cliff hanger bc i literally blanked)

PART 1 is not required for this, but I highly recommend reading for more fluff ! <3

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𓆩⟡𓆪 After Hiei finally realizes he is utterly smitten, he finds himself stuck in a weird predicament. He's kind of like, "Okay, what now?"

𓆩⟡𓆪 At times, he often wonders why you aren’t intimidated by his cold demeanor. What did you see in him that others didn’t? Or rather, what did he see in you that made him so attached? Trying to put all the pieces together only made him think of you more, and he can’t seem to come up with any sensible answers. It was an insufferable cycle.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Most people would give up and accept their fate. Not Hiei. He won’t welcome these feelings with open arms. No, he’d rather fight and conquer!

𓆩⟡𓆪 But….every time you greet him with a smile or wave him goodbye, he feels content. Such an ordinary interaction would make his sour mood disappear. It didn’t matter if he remained silent in response. You were persistent, unmoved by his rudeness. Were you able to tell that he actually liked the attention? He hoped not.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Hiei naturally gravitates towards you, oddly feeling the need to stay close. His Jagan Eye can easily keep track of your whereabouts, but he prefers close proximity. He basks in the feeling of your body heat. Dare he say it was therapeutic. With little effort, he is in tune with every part of you.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Whenever you’re engaged in conversation, he picks up little details of your daily life (another perk of staying close by). Don’t be too flattered, though. He’s still searching for something that’ll make him dislike you, even if he fails every time.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Hiei is a wild card. Just as you begin to think he feels nothing for you, he does something unexpected. One night, you accidentally found yourself separated from the group while on a mission. It was rather chilly, and you were shivering from the harsh winds. Hiei randomly showed up beside you, tossing his cloak over your head. “I can hear your teeth chattering from miles away. Don’t you humans know how to check the weather?”

𓆩⟡𓆪 No matter how unconcerned he appears to be, Hiei is always watching out for you. With his fast reflexes, he prevents you from losing your balance before you can even stumble over your feet or bump into something. He usually grabs your forearm or sleeve to stabilize you. The physical contact sends sparks between you two, but neither of you comment on it. His hand feels strangely warm after touching you. He can’t even bring himself to tease or scold you for nearly falling.

𓆩⟡𓆪 As mentioned, Hiei can be unpredictable. The romantic pinning is stronger than ever, but he’s still annoyed by it. For someone who has never experienced love before, he is taking it pretty hard. His feelings have festered to the point of frustration, and he feels vulnerable.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Hiei is so fed up with the back and forth that he ultimately decides to ignore you for good. Out of nowhere, he started acting like you didn’t exist. He put zero effort into holding a conversation, and sometimes, he was just plain rude, telling you to go away or walking right past you.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Kurama notices the awkward tension and tries to bring it up, but Hiei dismisses his concerns immediately. He figured that if he kept his distance, he would eventually forget about you. Or at least, that’s what he told himself. Acknowledging his feelings would make them real, and that’s the last thing he wanted.

𓆩⟡𓆪 While Hiei did all of this to protect himself, you’re left hurt by the abrupt change. He treats most people rudely, but you thought he at least tolerated you to some extent. Now, he couldn’t even be bothered to spare you a passing glance. You decided to confront him one day when you two were conveniently left alone (thank Kurama)

𓆩⟡𓆪 Initially, he was hostile, glaring at your figure. “If you truly believe there’s something between us, you’re sadly mistaken.” His words cut deep. He never spoke to you so harshly, but he sounded completely serious.

𓆩⟡𓆪 When you mentioned how much pain he caused you, it surprised him. He assumed he loved you far more than you could ever love him. But as you continued to vent, voice cracking and tears spilling, Hiei was incredibly confused. It wasn’t his intention to hurt you. He simply wanted to detach himself from you and return to his normal ways.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Witnessing your break down caused him to snap. He couldn't hold back his emotions any longer, and everything came out at once.

“You think I wanted to fall for you, a foolish human who can’t even tell when someone cares for them?”

“Your face is constantly invading my thoughts. I can’t even focus on anything else, but you’re the one crying? Ridiculous.”

“Just being away from you torments me. You couldn’t possibly understand. I’m doing this for my own sake.”

“Stop looking at me like that…”

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extra:

Even after this intense confession, Hiei still avoids you like the plague.

[ddlcbrainrot]

i’m just saying more people should make use of the angst factory that is sayori’s and mc’s friendship

Imagine you have a childhood best friend that you’ve lost touch with, and suddenly you two start hanging out again. You two start spending a lot of time together again, and things are like nothing has changed between you. All that time apart was not enough to strain your friendship, and you think to yourself “ wow even after all this time she still is the same sweet girl i’ve always known”.

Only for you to find out that she’s actually been suffering for as long as you’ve known her. And you didn’t realise a single thing until it was too late.

All the mixed emotions of concern for your friend, guilt of your ignorance (you’ve known her for forever, how couldn’t you tell?) but also the realisation that the person you’ve thought you knew better than anyone was more or less a facade. Now, i’m not saying that Sayori’s cheery personality is all fake, but i imagine MC would have to question where the facade starts and where it ends (did he even know her at all?).

All this and i’ve still haven’t said anything about Sayori’s POV of their friendship, which is just as - if not more - angst inducing.

I think the key factor to understand Sayori’s POV is the word indirect. Because most of the hurt she experiences from MC’s actions is in fact indirect. Even in the game she talks about how his actions were not actively malicious, but they indirectly caused her pain. And yeah, it is because of her feelings for him, but even if we ignore that their friendship alone still caused her indirect pain.

I see a lot of people be like “MC is so mean to her in their base game” which honestly? have you ever been in a long term friendship? idk if it’s just me but the way they interacted seemed like how any childhood friends would. Because no matter how mean your childhood friend is to you, you know they don’t mean any actual malice. It’s basic logic that the person who has been with you since childhood doesn’t actually think of you as just some dumb clutz. But depression isn’t logical. And that’s exactly why Sayori is actually affected by what on any other circumstance would be playful teasing between lifelong friends. It’s actually an issue that, while complicated, could easily be addressed if Sayori communicated to MC her feelings on the matter. But since Sayori is so focused to keeping things the same, how they’ve always been so he doesn’t worry, she doesn’t voice this at all.

I’d like to add that even though Sayori goes out of her way to make sure MC doesn’t find out about her depression, there must also be a part of her that is hurt by his lack of knowledge on the matter. MC in act 1 repeatedly says he knows Sayori better than anyone. Imagine you are Sayori, your friend insists he knows you, fully knows you, and yet he can’t seem to notice this very vital part of you. Again, he is hurting her indirectly, and frankly because Sayori is herself keeping this part of her hidden. It’s a double edged sword, really.

When Sayori does tell MC about her depression however, MC quite frankly responds in a pretty bad way.

I don’t think i need to explain how his response isn’t at all what you should say, i think enough people have done so already. But i will say it makes sense for him to respond that way. I think a lot of people, especially people who are online, have seen so many post or videos about how to handle these kind of situations, so it’s easy to forget that not everyone is that well educated on the subject of mental health (and it makes even more sense for MC in particular to be so clueless on the subject, since men’s knowledge on mental health is literally non existent bc of society’s own view of men as emotionless, but that’s a rant for another time). I think he reacts as a normal teenage guy would tbh. And that is he says the wrong thing.

And as he finds Sayori in the end of act 1, since he doesn’t know of Monika’s influence, he thinks his ignorance costs his best friend’s life.

[may-jailers-version]

The untold tale - a Lara Croft fanfic

So this is supposed to evolve into a Lara Croft x (fem) reader thing but I pumped this sort of intro (in the middle of the night instead of sleeping lol) and I want to see if ppl are actually interested in knowing more about this fanfic idea I’ve been having for months. As you’ll understand it’s also a lot about Lara’s mother (bc let’s be honest this woman is so fine and deserves some fine ass story of her own) and it is set shortly after the shadow events, so don’t expect lots of adventure at least in the beginning of the story. Pardon me if there is some inaccuracies regarding the video game I watched the play through a lil while ago (yes “watched”, I don’t have the money to play the games, sorry, I’m a poor student leave me alone 😭).

Even though the following text isn’t really “mature” rated, if I continue the story there will be prob adult themes so I’ll kindly ask minors not to interact with this post :)

Enjoy now I guess, and please keep in mind that English isn’t my first language (+ I wrote this sleep deprived) ; if you notice any spelling or grammar mistake, you’re welcome to let me know in an indulgent way in the comments. Any other kind of criticism, as long as worded kindly, is also very much welcomed!

TW : mention of death and loosing a relative

Lara Croft finds out about the passionate but gut wrenching love story her mother had with another woman in her youth : in her quest for informations, she confronts herself to what remains of this love story, and what could ensue of it. 

Or

What happens when the girl who wants to know more meets the girl who wants to forget ? 

Lara pushed the wooden panel still decorated by her own mother’s hand. The intricate scrolls of vegetation were faded in some places, the colours used had lost a bit of their brightness, but the spirit of Amelia Croft’s creativity and skills was still present. In fact, the whole room Lara was about to enter was still and always impregnated with the aura of the mourned and regretted mother and artist. That is probably why it was one of the first rooms the archaeologist was inclined to check after her return to the Croft Manor. 

3 weeks ago, she was done helping the people of Paititi in the Peruvian jungle rebuild and comfort their community. After days upon days  of giving more than a hand to the Mayan inhabitants, making amend, no, begging for salvation after all the wrongs she had caused, the call to home had finally hailed her. She had found her peace, somehow, seeing as the people of Paititi weren’t as resorting towards her as she was towards her own self. It had always been a wonder, how the people around her were not absolutely despising her after all the bad omens that had followed after her person. 

How could Jonah still be an infallible friend and partner after everything he has had to face because of her ? How could Joslin still speak to her after her daughter’s dad had been killed trying to protect her ? How had Sofia not shot an arrow between her eyes after witnessing her father die and the blood of so many of her people being spilled ? How could Unuratu’s people be so subservient towards her after what she had done ? 

The only time when shit seemed to have come back at her was when she had at last been forbidden from seeing Sam. There was not a week during which she didn’t think about her, about the brightness she brought to any room she entered, about the glow that used to dance in her eyes, about the softness that would envelop her skin, about the feeling of her arms wrapped around Lara’s waist. The vivid memories of times spent with what had probably been her first love, was probably the punition Lara was seeking every moment of her cursed life. The sinfulness of her existence could be purified by the aching provoked by her lover’s souvenir, and the feeling she had lost forever a part of herself. 

But today, Lara had decided to torture herself with the souvenir of another person. As she took some steps into the sunlit room, the wood under her life long partner rider boots cracked, and the floating dust twirled around her figure. Nothing had moved since the last time she had come here. This part of the house, much like the rest in fact, had been stilled, frozen into time, not as if its objects and furniture were waiting for their users to return, much like if the whole setting constituted some sort of mausoleum to the deceased that were once owners of this place. 

In this mausoleum of the matriarch, Lara was ready to bend and bow at the relics, reminders of the past, beholders of present nostalgia. So she stepped further, and let her eyes glide over the surface of the walls, of the tables, over the dryness of the paint buckets, the stillness of the brushes neatly stacked in clear goblets, or negligently sprawled on the floor. Her heart squeezed tightly when her gaze fell onto the unfinished canvas throning on its easel. A scenery, a lavender field in the french Provence, in the middle of which the faint silhouette of a woman holding down her hat could be deciphered, had been left incomplete by Amelia. 

Lara remembered what had pushed her mother to depict this specific landscape. It was some days after her mom and dad’s dispute, to which, unbeknownst to them, she had assisted, hiding behind the door of the office. Her mother needed to decompress, and found herself in her shed to practice her art in its most meditating form. But here she had been struggling to find inspiration, the conflict with her husband clouding her mind. That is when Lara had mentioned missing the sights of the southeastern french region of Provence, to which she wished to return soon. 

After her mother’s death, Lara never returned to Provence. She never got to see once again the azur blue sky, feel the wind as it brushes under a woman’s hat, smell the lavender fields her mom had been trying to captivate in her last moments. 

After some time freezing on the spot at the sight of the canvas, Lara decided to redirect her attention towards something else. The wardrobe. The same pastel green patterns of the room’s door were adorning the wooden structure of the piece of furniture. Lara pushed the clappers open, her eyes roaming its interior ; various objects were sitting on the different shelves, mainly paint brushes in other glass goblets, boxes full of paint tubes, argile statues deprived of any polychromy, some créations little Lara had made on her own. Her eyes settled for a wooden box littered with childlike drawings made of striking colours and her hand reached for the top shelf on which it had been sitting for years. 

After sitting legs crossed on the floor in front of the wardrobe, she opened the box delicately and instantly started smiling. In there were preciously conserved sketches, simple drawings that yet held bits of the Croft family’s intimacy. Pencil drawings of a chubby baby Lara smiling ear to ear, Richard reading a book to his daughter sitting on his knees, Amelia teaching her little girl how to paint… A time in which comfort seemed granted. A time in which emptiness and longing were unknown feelings to Lara. 

As her mind and heart yet again mingled with sorrow, her ruffling stopped at the drawing of a singular person. Her hand held onto the paper displaying the traits of a woman in her early 20s, a beautiful woman at that, but that she failed to recall. She must have missed the drawing during her precedent scorching, because such beauty in a woman’s face would have easily been remembered by the archaeologist. After some more contemplating, she flipped through the rest of the drawings, stumbling in the same time upon some of her own attempts of creation that her mother had kept as treasures. She finally put everything back in the box before closing it and getting up to stack it back right where she had lifted it. 

But when trying to push it in the back of the shelf in order to ensure its safety, she felt the box bumping against something hard. Intrigued, she tried to check what was constituting the obstacle, but found herself not tall enough to get a good view. Placing the drawing box upon a nearby table, she took a chair and climbed on it. Now she could see that there was nothing else than an other box sitting in the back, one she had never seen before. 

Gliding the box over to herself, she then picked it up to get a better look at it. Upon sitting it on the table, she noticed there was a lock to it, but unfortunately, no key in sight. She quickly looked around, scanning the room for any object that would be of help in her situation. She finally settled for some sculpting tool, a steel linear object with a pointing end that could easily be inserted in the little hole. After some seconds of struggle, Lara could hear the clicking sound of the interior mechanism giving up, granting her access to the content of this mysterious box. 

The felted inside revealed itself to be full of letters, written in a style that she didn’t recognise as her mother’s or father’s handwriting. She picked up the first paper, and unfolding it, started reading. 

“My dear Amelia, 

I saw you at the bar the other night. I saw you sitting right in the middle, legs crossed, chest proud, eyes piercing but oh so charming. There was only you for me, in this room, and I like to believe there was only me, too, in your own irises. My voice that evening, I hope, carried itself to your ear in order to let it hear the whisper of affection and longing. My melody, I wish, wrapped your heart in the most tender embrace. My words, I pray, have led your soul into a waltz into which each step is the remembrance of a dead poet. 

After the show, that night, your face has filled my dreams the same way my voice had filled the room. But I did not remember the clapping, the applauding, the whistling. All I could recall was how your eyes held onto my lips like the roses hold onto that morning mist. And what a rose you are to the world, what a bloom you are to me. 

Your last letter has lingered on me like a winter fur. Warm and reassuring, it’s all that keeps me from deflating by your absence on my side. Because you are like the sun to my harsh winter, only your rays can melt away the frost that the world impend on me every day. I get weary of anything foreigner to your sensuality. 

You can join me in my dorm by 9pm this Friday, where my eyes will survey the movement of the  clock sting, waiting for time to bring your physical envelope to my arms, as you know how your heart already and forever lies in mine. 

With deep and devouring love, Gabrielle.” 

Lara stayed still, frozen for the third time in a single hour. Her brain was processing what she had just read, her psyche fighting to accept the words that had been put under her eyes. Gabrielle… who was this Gabrielle ? When had she written and sent that ? Why was there so much passion in the way she spoke to her mother ? Clearly if the letter had been kept so meticulously in such a box, it must have meant a lot for the latter. 

Lara’s heart race fastened at those thoughts, her mind racing, questions fusing. Frantically she grabbed handfuls of letters and sprawled them onto the table surface, her eyes feverishly jumping from one piece of paper to the other, not knowing which one to pick next. There must have been at least 3 dozens of letters in this box, but upon emptying it, Lara’s eyes stopped on pictures stacked at the bottom. 

The first few ones were of a woman singing in a café displaying a 1920s look, a “année folle” aesthetic. Despite the picture’s quality not being the best, Lara could clearly spot a striking resemblance with the woman in the sketching. She flipped through the other pictures, where she could observe the woman’s trait more clearly, the latter being shot in different settings, at different moments, in different lights and angles. All of those pictures were showing a beautiful woman in her 20s, a captivating look in her eyes, and an almost bewitching smile adorning her face from time to time. 

And then, a vision that made Lara’s heart skip a beat. A picture of the same woman laying on her mother’s thighs in a minimalistic bedroom, the first looking up to the other looking down at her, both holding hands, both adorning a tender full and fiery expression for the other.  

Lara spent minutes observing the picture, her brows lightly furrowed, her stomach in knots, a strange sensation in her chest. She took the chair, put it back before the table and sat on it. She rested her back onto it, flipped the glossy paper to read at its back “I wish this moment had last forever, just you and me in this room, without the struggles of the outside” which was, this time, of her mother’s writing. Lara straightened her back and starting flipping the other pictures to spot any other indications and left messages. Behind one of the pictures of the woman singing in the bar, there was written “her voice like silk, her movement like water, her body like a dancing flame. She’s my angel.” 

A tear rolled down Lara’s cheek. What was all this about ? Why hasn’t she never heard of this ? How come her mother had experienced the same thing Lara had felt so shameful of in all her teenage years ? Had her father known about this ? And who was this woman her mother had loved so fiercely ? 

The curious spirit of Lara and her palpable need to know more about her lost mother drove her to spend the rest of the day into reading more of the letters, decipher all the pictures and try to find hints of this past love story in her mother’s art laying around the shed, attempting to reconstitute a puzzle to which half of the pieces were missing… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I need to find my ao3 password and stuff back so I can publish it on there. In the meantime, here some kind reminders :

🍉Keep getting informed on the situation in Gaza (Palestinian genocide) and share the story of unfortunate endangered families. 

🇨🇩If you can, donate to charities for Congo so that shelters can be built for families and especially women and children fleeing exploitation, mass murder, and SA.

🕊️Keep your eyes on countries which are currently suffering from imperialism such as Ukraine, Georgia, Armenia, Kanaky (New-Caledonia).

💙Boycott fast fashion brands like Shein (just one example) to protest against the exploitation of endangered ethnic groups in China. 🌧️Last but not least, stay HYDRATED, the world needs healthy activists ! ♥️

Happy pride to all also :)

[jujutsubaby]

omggg your follower event is sooo cutie ahaha

cafe heaven and earth + iced matcha latte with oatmilk (bc i know that's what y/n orders in after hours 😉) + rose milk cake

a/n: omgggg~ first anon thank u sm for participating 🙈 hope you enjoy!!!

✨ WELCOME TO CAFE HEAVEN & EARTH ! ✨

🤍 PAIRING. nanami

🤍 WORD COUNT. 755

this isn’t your first time here at cafe heaven & earth. you’ve been a regular here for as long as you can remember, from drafting your novel to pitching ideas for the local newspaper.

you and haibara, the regular barista, have had an easy rapport from when you first started frequenting heaven & earth so you were sad when you walked in and remembered he was off this week. like, you were happy for him, of course, but also, who was gonna remember your usual order and make it just the way you liked it?

to your surprise, you see a vaguely familiar blonde man behind the cash register. you think he’s the owner, maybe, if you recall correctly. and thank god the line isn’t long today, so perhaps you can keep your interactions with everyone to a minimum and just focus on finishing your article.

the first thing you notice about him when you get to the front of the line is his soft features: light smile lines and gentle eyes greet you with a quick “hello, miss, what can i get for you today? iced oat matcha and rose milk cake as usual?”

before you can process how he even knows your usual order (something only reserved for haibara), a loud bang in the large wall-to-wall cafe window startles you both. you turn to see an eccentric, gangly man with wild white hair pounding on the glass, trying to get nanami’s attention. he keeps on pointing at the flyer in his hand (upon closer inspection, you see it’s one of those job flyers with tabs you can rip off, except there’s no job description on it, and the tabs each just have poorly drawn penises on them).

quickly glancing back at the blond man, you see him wincing in embarrassment. you can’t help your curiosity, so you ask, “do you know that guy?” the blonde man (“nanami”, you see on a perfectly aligned badge pinned to a perfectly pressed apron) just says “unfortunately. you can just ignore him.” you decide to take pity on him and change the subject.

“wait, how do you know my order?” the weirdo’s actions outside the cafe momentarily made you forget this man just recited your order seamlessly. you swear you see him blush slightly. “ah, well, haibara, he…uh…well…” he’s looking everywhere but your eyes, and you find it a bit adorable.

“all right, i’ll admit i’ve heard you order before and just think it’s the perfect order. it’s what i’d order, too.” now it’s your turn to blush. the perfect order? “oh, uh, thanks, but honestly, it’s all thanks to whoever supplies your rose milk cakes. i’ve never had anything quite like it.” god, your hands are feeling clammy and it feels so hot in here. don’t they have any AC?!

“well, the baker accepts your compliment, miss.” nanami says humbly, his smile growing even softer after hearing your praise. you’re in shock. nanami bakes the cakes himself?! “i had no idea…they always taste so freshly made whenever i have them. i should have expected the owner of my favorite cafe to be such a good baker, i guess.”

nanami seems to be opening up at your sincere compliments. “i’m glad to hear it, opening a bakery has always been my dream. the feedback means a lot coming from one of our best customers.” best customer?! your heart does a little flip. nanami suddenly looks shy again. “actually, i’ve been meaning to ask you…”

just then, probably tired of being ignored, the white-haired man bursts into the cafe, his loud demeanor at odds with the soothing ambience. “nanaminnnnn~” he whines. “what, i don’t exist anymore as soon as that cutie you’re obsessed with finally gives you the time of day?!” you and nanami both go red at that; of course, all the cafe patrons are staring at you now.

“gojo, now’s not the time,” nanami tries to say in his best no-drama customer service voice. the interloper doesn’t seem to take the hint. “well? ask her for her number already!”

neither of the men noticed that you had already scrawled it on a spare bit of paper from your trusty legal pad. “text me when your shift’s over?” you ask, feeling emboldened by the indirect confession. truth be told, he’s always caught your eye whenever he’s down at the cafe, but you were far too engrossed in your drafts to do anything about it.

nanami smiles, actually fully smiles with his teeth, at you. “y-yeah, of course.”

[multiplicity-positivity]

hi uh i could use some advice :<

im a host of a recent system of 20-ish and guh i am t i r e d

im mainly looking for advice on how to switch or just retreat into the headspace/leave front or even just kinda stop being fully aware while still being in front for awhile bc id rlly like to take a break and the realization that im most likely front attracted/frontstuck is kinda making me more tired of being in front

also if it helps at all my(&) system is parogenic + traumagenic in origin (specifically parotraumagenic) and theres kinda iffy communication between members (some of them i have clear communication with and they randomly pop up to say stuff, some i have no idea where they are and some of them i can usually only hear when im directly interacting with them).

afaik (as far as i know) only three?? ppl have rlly "fronted" per se, and the rest have been co-con

i apologize for the long and mildly depressing ask but any help is appreciated also dont forget to hydrate

Hello! We have some posts that might help you that we’d like to share if that’s okay. The first is a post we wrote a while back with some tips on switching from our own experience:

We’d also like to share this post by @rin-and-jade on being frontstuck or frontlocked, and how to go about unsticking yourself!

Our own system host (Parker) is almost always fronting to some extent. It can certainly be exhausting and disheartening fronting nonstop, especially when other members of your system can seemingly come and go as they please. He’s going to put some info under a cut for how he copes with fronting constantly, in case you want some advice on coping with being genuinely unable to switch out!

We hope something here will be helpful for you! We’re wishing you the best of luck with switching out or at least learning how best to cope with fronting in your future!

(Host here - I’ll just write this bit if thats okay. Anyway here’s some stuff I do to deal with The Horrors of perpetual existence)

Meditation

Taking a few moments to sit in comfortable silence can be useful for me when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed or straight up exhausted. Here’s how I meditate (I’m no expert and I’m sure there’s better ways to do this… this is just what I do)

- get in a comfortable position in a quiet place where I’m not likely to be disturbed

- set a timer on my phone for 5 minutes

- close my eyes, focus on my breathing

- don’t dwell on any thoughts but also don’t push them away; acknowledge them and let them go

- try to stay still and calm until my timer goes off

And that’s it. Sometimes I get interrupted by an alter or something outside, but for the most part, this is how I’ve been able to meditate effectively.

Rest

I take naps whenever I can. I sit down whenever I can. I’ll literally just close my eyes for a few minutes whenever I can. Our body has issues with chronic fatigue, and fronting constantly can sometimes exacerbate our exhaustion. So yeah I am a huge fan of naps and will often set a timer for like 15-20 minutes and snooze whenever the opportunity arises. Even just lying down with closed eyes can help replenish some energy.

Distractions

Reading, watching something on TV, or playing video games can help give me somewhat of a break even if I’m still fronting. I do tend to try and keep us distracted as much as possible… sometimes to our own detriment. But if you find that you really aren’t ever able to switch out, or if your system is specutien and that’s just the way your system functions, finding things you enjoy that can serve as distractions may help you as well.

Saying No

This one’s tough, but I’m trying to learn to say no when I’m overwhelmed or have too much on my plate. This means sometimes I’ll cancel plans, hand off a responsibility, make a compromise, or turn down an opportunity if I don’t have the energy for it.

Honestly idk how much my addition can help you, but if you find that you’re not ever able to switch out at all please know there’s other folks out there in similar positions. Hoping you can make the most of your situation, anon /genuine

[simmonsized]

Idk about other people but I’m always a slut for that old man and I think you got amazing taste so pls rec anything you like anywhere

I think you will find that my taste is actually kind of garbage but like, in a fun way that makes you go "wow really???" rather than being so embarrassed for me that you can never look at me again. of course that would be fine too haha you know, don't yuck my yum etc but I will try to put together my unfuckable old man rec list right here, right now, and we can all just live with that

(mostly because titling a post makes me cringe it's too much attention, and I'm a stereotype)

These come from a section of my actual Fic Rec List, which is massive (by my standards), lives in a googly doc, and is much more embarrassing. this list generally won't include any ship stuff and if it does, i will say so. mind any and all tags.

This section is titled: The Redemption Narrative (lol)

1. Empty Nester - egomaniac (THE WHOLE REASON I MADE A NEW LIST. BRO AND NANNA!!!!!!!!!!!! also bro/grandpa, aka “he fucks that old man”, but not the most important part to me, because as good and tragic and hurtful as their relationship is in this fic, it is dwarfed, to me, by the kindness shared between Nanna and Bro, which once again, to me, is the Crown Jewel of the whole story. PLEASE read this please if u have time A++ endorsement)

2. dualshock desertbloom (the whole fucking series. i hardly need to say why, you should just know by now. i call dd dirkfic, because it is The Dirkfic, u know??)- geometrician (🔶)

3. sun’s angle - dellaluce (they can orphan it all they want but i never forget. very old, but never GETS old, u feel)

4. Hexadyne Meetings - Saesama (the rarity of bro and nanna fics could absolutely destroy me but i really like the interactions between all of the guardians in this one)

5. Flop, Flutter - cthchewy (technicality, big nasty soulless bro yikes sorry)

6. The Estrangement Thing - NoBrandHero (there’s a theme here listen to me don’t be doubtful it’s worth the trouble, there is brojohn in there, which is not my thing at all, but it is NOT relevant to what i like about this fic, and i think if u read it, u will realize that immediately lol (*i am not including second best even though that fic is literally my favorite ds fic ever because it is NOT bro centric))

7. cold front off the pacific - drow_sy (i actually read this bc geometrician bookmarked it lol but it punches down on u and i like that)

8. insect clockwork - SORD (aka, if it was written pre-2013, i’ve read it)

9. Flashing Lights and Raisins - RadioMoth (the strider manpain tag exists for a reason)

10. Hide - Plajus (OG post-sburb type shit. we love to see it)

11. Blackout - lantadyme (bro strider sick fic. Wrow. old shit. I don’t even know how i have held onto these for this many years.)

Things that don't quite fit into the category necessarily but It's MY List Not Yours:

12. signs at sundown - geometrician (I don't need to say it, do I? I think we understand, I do think that. Imagine being canon together with you favorite author. Imagine it. Wow.)

13. No Homo - Laurasauras (bro/dennis. yes, dennis from gamebro. yes, it's good i've said it before i'll say it again. i'm into it, i think you should be too.)

14. flash - problemsloth (this shit is just. absolute chef's kiss to me. i don't know how else to explain it. young bro. he's perfect, and perfectly dreadful)

15. play ball! - spacepuck (this is a johndave fic but it has this very stressful atmosphere around bro and dave that kinda fucks me up and also, delights me beyond reason. it tastes like summer to me. sandlot lookin ass. an old favorite)

[onlyswan]

Hi art! ♡♡♡

I wanted to stop by to wish you a happy new year �� and thank you for existing and for writing so many powerful stories. the small (but not that small hehe) community you've gathered on your blog feels very safe and loving and i like to think that's a product of the person who runs it.

you've given me hope that a type of love exists beyond the prominent common negative situations relationships can have that is prevalent today, and that maintaining a healthy and respectful relationship is attainable. (and never to settle. :D)

you are obviously a very beautiful person and i truly wish you find everything you hope for this coming year, and that love encompasses all aspects of your life because you deserve it. even if every day might not be a good day, hopefully, you will have peace and fun and the good will heavily outweigh the bad.

you're lovely and i feel lucky to have stumbled upon you and your blog this last year. i tend to stray away from having interactions with people online, but i feel like you're the type of person that everyone wants to know more about and be friends with so it was hard not to want to write to you hehe. (because i don't usually jump at the idea of online interactions and i've never written to an author before, i get a little scared sometimes that i sound crazy when i praise you so please tell me if i ever go overboard T^T)

i really appreciated your small new year's post and that you wrote it's ok to bring the past with you into the new year. i struggled a little this year, and i feel like in past years i always said i'd forget about it all. but this year i feel content holding all of 2023 with me and using the experience to grow and heal over the course of 2024. life is fragile but can also feel very intense, so having your writing after a long day and the rest of the good things i've been lucky enough to have, helped me to feel like it's all a little more worth it.

i've also just enjoyed reading all the interactions you've done with the asks and everything, so thank you for that and replying to me as well! i can't tell you how excited i was when i opened your master list and saw my little moon emoji right there ❀⸜(˶´ ˘ `˶)⸝❀

overall, thank you for everything this year, and wishing you the best for what's to come! also sorry i always write so much :') i'm definitely not the best at writing and wording things but i hope i'm at least able to get the idea across

i love you and all the sweet people who have written on this blog because oh my god it's so cute seeing all the anon emojis !!!

feels great to be a part of something so sweet (also highly enjoying watching the fight for oc right now, rooting for all the anons but also jk? i feel so bad, i might have to side with him 🤭)

anyway, that's it! happy 2024 and best wishes for this year~ ♡

-🌙

my lovely, lovely moon anonie 🥺 being greeted by the most heartwarming message after a long day is so comforting. thank you so much for the kind wishes; for recognizing the messages i try to send through my writings; and most importantly, for seeing me as a person through it all <3 i’m honored that despite not normally interacting online, you’re here with me in my little corner of the internet and you’ve taken the time to write this message 🥺 please don’t worry about going overboard at all bcs i appreciate you so much and i feel your sincerity <3 i hope you have the most wonderful year and you receive all your heart desires 🩵 i love you too!

also highly enjoying watching the fight for oc right now, rooting for all the anons but also jk? i feel so bad, i might have to side with him 🤭

lmaooo it’s been entertaining like this wasn’t in my bingo card at all 😭 omg jungkook we finally found you an ally !!!!!

[redd-byrd]

AAAAAAAAAAA I LOVED IT SO MUCH

MY DAD WENT WITH ME AND HE ALSO LIKED IT

I’m so glad the theatre was almost empty, I was so excited that I was doing full-on hand-flapping, which I almost never do, and squeaking and giggling like a crazy person, I was stimming like crazy cuz I was so happy to be there

MASSIVE FNAF MOVIE SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

And friendly reminder that this is my ✨OPINION✨

This will be long and very ramble-y so bear with me

OK SO FIRST OFF THE ANIMATRONICS

- I loved how they acted like kids??? Like you tend to forget the ghosts are actual children when looking at the games since they’re constantly all “murder monster-y” so I love that they got to act so childlike

- Kids’ drawings being a massive plot point was so cute, I actually didn’t mind how sudden Afton’s defeat was since like,,, they were only on his side in the first place bc the drawing showed that he was their friend, so it suddenly switching around made a little more sense. Probably could’ve been executed better but for what it was I think it was fine

- And of course THE DESIGNS!!!! Holy shit I loved how they looked!!! The prop team did an AMAZING job with both the animatronics and the background props!!!

- The interactions with Abby were adorable, I loved the fort scene because of how goofy it was to watch giant machines dressed like animals put that together

- Also I know we were all skeptical when the red glowing eyes were shown, but honestly the scenes where they DID glow would probably have looked good even if they didn’t change it, though I will say that the final look is really nice by itself

NEXT IS THE MAIN CAST

- Matthew Lillard did an INCREDIBLE JOB as William Afton, when my dad and I came out of the theatre he said that he had a feeling that Lillard would be the antagonist (mind you my dad knew nothing about the games or the movie), which really shows how well he does at playing horror villains and playing up that gut instinct

- I loved how creepy he was in the final fight scene, just creeping out of the shadows with those two glowing pinpricks was SO cool

- Also Afton being retconned to not be British anymore is so funny to me askdjhsjjdhdj

- Abby didn’t annoy me at all, I actually thought she was super cute!! Which is surprising bc I usually find kids annoying but I’d die for Abby

- When I say that I got WHIPLASH from the animatronics being nice to her and later Mike after she introduced them, I MEAN IT (in a good way)

- Mike taking Abby seriously and believing her when she said her “imaginary friends” are actually ghosts was a nice change of pace

- The group that broke in honestly didn’t need that much characterization since the main thing the plot needed was Max, so that was fine

- I am confused about why people aren’t more concerned about the murders that took place throughout the movie??? Like a missing poster in the background would’ve been fine, or maybe Mike reacting to Max being missing?? They don’t give much context on their relationship, I have no idea if they’re friends or if she’s just someone he hired and doesn’t have much emotional investment in, so maybe that wouldn’t work

- VANESSA MY BELOVED

- Vanessa was great, I love her character so much, but idk if I love her by herself or it it’s cuz she didn’t get much characterization in the game,,,, doesn’t really matter ig

ABOUT THE STORY

- Story was really fun, I love the unexpectedness of some of the scenes (dance scene, fort building, Freddy blade mask, etc) I thought it was so funky

- Afton using a separate identity to lure people to Freddy’s was cool, though I have no idea why he’d do that to other people. I can understand Mike, he likely knew about his brother through the last name, but why other people???

- I am a bit sad about Henry n Charlie Emily being left out, considering how big of a part they both play in the game lore, but idk if it’s explicitly said whether they exist within the movie universe or not, so we’ll see in the next movie ig

- THE SPRINGLOCK SCENE!!!!!!!! I loved it <3 idk how they didn’t go off after Afton was bouncing around in it earlier but when they did go off it was SO COOL!!!

- “I always come back” YES HE DOES!!!! LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO

- End scene of him bleeding out in the storage room hinting towards the full Springtrap character??? Loved it

- Also HELLO FREDBEAR??? GOLDEN FREDDY?? YELLOW BEAR???? WHAT

Extra info:

- No Markiplier was not in it, he was too busy with his own movie

- WAITER MATPAT?????

- Corey was awesome, I thought he was so funny for his short time on screen, esp the post credits scene

- THE FNAF 1 SONG MADE IT IN OH MY GOOOOOOOOD CONGRATS TO THELIVINGTOMBSTONE

Random plot holes or inconsistencies I found:

- Foxy had a scene where they forgot to switch the red eyes to the new glowing ones

- Despite the animatronics killing the group that broke in, spilling plenty of blood, they’re perfectly clean afterwards

- My dad found it weird that they didn’t show any part of the kids’ bodies in the suits, since it’s apparently known that they were stuffed inside (or maybe only Vanessa knew??). He thought an arm or a leg poking out would’ve worked. I said I think it’s either cuz the bodies were removed, are kinda mangled and pretzel-twisted to only be in the torso, or it’s just bc they didn’t think to do that lmao

- He was also confused on how Afton was able to jump around and move so easily in the springlock suit when the suit in the back snapped off the broom handle after a single jab. I said I think it’s bc it’s meant to be used to move around in and not harshly screwed with, or maybe it’s another plot reason

All in all, 8.5/10 movie. There were a few times when I was confused on why something happened or why someone behaved a certain way, but none of it was outright bad or boring. There also could’ve been more to the gore, definitely could’ve pushed the boundaries of the PG-13 rating, but it was good for what it was. It was fun, cute, and knew when to be serious :P

[twig-gy]

so the thing with the fic is it’s like. the only longfic i have left

the first one i tried to write was the cold you feel inside your lungs and you see. i had no plan. i had no idea what i was doing the whole entire time. so later i came back and morphed it into two. first there’s the one which kept orig title. this one is basically mind is alone but there’s no weird spiral thing he just goes through the normal grieving process and has to figure out how to live w/o heart and soul. and i kinda got stuck there bc grief is hard to write when you’re lucky enough to not have felt it. i might come back to it actually

the other half i split it into is what i call the social edition. so in this version mind has to live as whole and figure out how to society. i let him loose omg what will he do. the thing with that, though, is idk how to write social interaction. and also don’t know what he would be doing if i wanted to make the fic actually long. maybe i could try to make a oneshot out of it?

the next longfic is basically heart apathy and he is Really Trying to not feel anything or exist because of defense mechanism. i got stuck at a part and didn’t know how to continue though. that was more of a ventfic thing iirc

so the one i’m actually working on is the one that has the least of a title. basically mind finds heart doing [DATA EXPUNGED] and has to figure out like. how to exist with this new information/how to adjust their dynamic. (aka this incident [if you will] gives mind a more accurate view of heart, causes them to fix their relationship. in the long run ofc) so i’ve written a few parts with that and am tentatively optimistic about it not dying like every other project i’ve created in life. because i actually have a slight idea where i’m going? emphasis on slight. but yeah

so i finished the first part of that/probably the prologue which is mind sees the thing, and realizes that heart might not actually be gaslight/gatekeep/girlbossing his way through life. for more context, in this fic at least, heart doesn’t manipulate anyone. not really. it’s kinda a more heart-leaning thing because Heart Isn’t Faking His Emotions He’s Just Fucking Depressed Mind. i generally try to make it so they both have equal fault in the thing but in this one i could understand how mind seems like. more wrong. they still hate each other, they’re still argumentative, ofc heart is, it’s just mind has more misconceptions. well heart does too

heart thinks that mind is being logical to cover up that he’s just as fucked up as the rest of them. he pretends and pretends he’s better but he’s just the same. however, he sits on his throne, acting like he’s completely unbiased, even though he ain’t. that’s the main thing that heart’s angry about and he tries to ‘show mind the truth that he’s just as weak’.

Anyway the main thing about the fic will be them you know. trying to concord. trying to extend grace to each other. i am going to make them argue So So much like. they will slip up and it will take a lot for them to believe the other isn’t actually a malicious lil bastard. even when they’re trying this whole “”””try to think good of people”””” thing they’ll still have hiccups where they forget or are horribly quick to assume the worst.

but they will get better! because they are trying your honor. and mind will start it after some part of the truth is revealed and he concludes that maybe, Just maybe, heart is actually fucking depressed and not just trying to manipulate him. damn bitch this ain’t about you.

and then after soul notices the two of them are Not Fighting he’ll be very suspicious of them (ofc ofc) but tentatively try to interact with them a lil more. maybe they aren’t lost causes actually! maybe he can put some trust in them! maybe he can leave them alone for 5 seconds without them being at their throats! so with them concording he’ll talk to them more and more and actually try to be friends instead of…… whatever the fuck they have going on in cacophony.

fic is set just after shot/juno incident

hello i hope someone actually read that :) i have hope in this. i actually do. fr fr. so we’ll see ig

[rpfisfine]

sorryyyyy you don’t have to reply but i think the person following only you was me, i didn’t mean to be weird, idk how to use tumblr and I don’t even have the app, I just started lurking on here to see what people post abt boy boy, and I must have followed you without realizing it sorryyy

no no it's totally okay i didn't mean to sound like a some kind of asshole or anything!!!! honestly i figured that was probably the reason like 5 minutes after i made the post since a lot of the boy boy blogs that follow me r also blank you can refollow me again i don't mind at all i didn't mean to deter you</333 i just sometimes get freaked out when blank blogs follow me and are only following like 3 ppl in total bc i always forget that the very simple concept of lurker blogs exists and i'm weirdly paranoid abt ppl finding my blog also ever since i've had an influx of new followers i genuinely tend to lose track of which blank blog is following me for boy boy and which one just interacts with my posts from time to time bc my memory is so bad plus i had to literally abandon my general rule of blocking blank blogs as time went on bc i didn't want to accidentally prevent a rare boy boy fan from seeing my posts so that's why i just check ppl's likes & following lists nowadays to see if they're normal well-adjusted ppl but for some reason when i went to check your blog to finally put a url & pfp to a fandom i Only checked your following > got freaked out > made the post > didn't return to your blog but if i had checked your likes first i wouldn't have needed to made that post at all bc i would've realized you were a boy boy fan and would've been totally okay with you following me😭 this is so long-winded i hope it makes sense in short you didn't do anything wrong at all and i enjoy you interacting with my posts Smiles

[lesbianyosano]

Just kind of a general plot question bcs I feel like I’m blanking here. I know that within the story one of the huge themes are cycles of abuse (specifically among the port mafia characters) like the whole mori-> dazai -> akutagawa-> kyouka(?) situation but for the life of me I can’t remember what exactly the dazai mori catalyst beginning of the cycle event was. Obviously odas death was the big betrayal of trust that broke dazai away from the mafia, and there was that whole killing the former pm leader deal(was that it though??) because Ik fandom has a tendency of portraying mori as this cartoonishly evil abuser when he’s more complex then that (even if I don’t personally like him lol) but I feel like I’m completely forgetting everything about that whole dynamic lol. I hope you have a great day!

honestly i dont think there really exists a catalyst like that. i think the discussion about mori and dazai's relationship tends to get really weird bc it's always treated as a singular abusive situation between the 2 of them, completely taken out of context. as in, "mori's an abusive creep and everyone around him actually hates him for it", with disregard for the context of his interactions with dazai.

they are both mafia members, their relationship cannot be a healthy and supportive one specifically because of that. mori's manipulation and grooming isn't out of place, it's what funtioning in that system requires of him, the same way it's what was later required of dazai with akutagawa. it's less about mori being someone who's personally irredeemable and more that mafia needs to continually raise its new members to continue to exist, the abuse is systematic and will never cease to be treated as a tool as long as the organization is still in place. i'd argue it's the reason why beast mori manages to change and become a much more sympathetic version of himself. his relationship with yosano is similar, the abuse takes place because the military allows it. obviously mori is still very much complicit, but his utalitarian approach can only go so far due to the lack of institutional response

and i think this perception of abuse as something that only exists, and is perpetrated on, on a personal level is also what leads to this weird mischaracterization of mori's relationship with chuuya and kouyou. you see this in fanfics a lot, when they both secretly hate him because he's a pedo and abused dazai, which is absolute bullshit. they don't hate him, they seem to enjoy spending time with him even when they don't need to. they are both extremely loyal and strive to keep as him the pm boss, neither ever raises concerns to how he treats dazai, and elise also never gets commented on. fundamentally, they are no better than him. they are a part of this same organisation and it is in their interest to keep the power structure as it is. kouyou tries to groom and manipulate kyouka, projecting onto her, similarly how mori does with dazai. chuuya talks about wanting q dead (despite the weirdly popular hc that they're close and familiar). and im not saying this because i think anyone should hate them, or that people need to love mori all of a sudden, but because ignoring this flattens all of them as characters. they are meant to be bad people, in huge part because they choose to be (they could all leave the mafia the way dazai did lmao)

mori (i think) gets the most hate also because of his perceived sexual deviancy. you see this a lot, where people will make non stop jokes about characters being murderers/war criminals and how it's actually fun and cool (it is), but the moment the crimes go into a territory of sexual offense (sometimes real and sometimes perceived), those crimes can no longer be excused, and everything else about the character is forgotten. the lolicon gag with mori and elise is. weird yeah and it's perfectly fine to be uncomfortable with it, but as far as we know, there is nothing to indicate mori has ever sexually abused a child, the deal with elise is unclear, even if there are some questionable comments. and again, im not saying this to make him more likable or to make him less of a creep, it's just that i dont think this characterizaton leads anywhere, other than a twisted perception of like. half of the cast

sorry for going off asdgsafhdf ive been meaning to talk about this and you have unfortunately given me space to do so </3

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

Ok I just want to put my thoughts on the whole Leon should be with someone “healthier” and “better” for him. &The thing with that is if Leon wanted that, Capcom had so many opportunities to do so. Not to say Leon didn’t try, but there was a 6 year period after RE2 that Ada wasn’t around, and within that period there was a point where Leon believed her to be dead and then finds out she’s alive. Hypothetically let’s say he did want to be with Claire, he had the time & opportunity to and still didn’t, clearly they’re just friends. But generally, that goes for anyone he could have formed a relationship with during that period. Especially for the period he didn’t believe her to be alive, bc I’ve seen people act like if Ada were to just disappear completely now, then all of a sudden he could just totally forget about her, will go running into the arms of someone “better”, and his trauma will be fixed 🤪. That scenario literally existed, he had the opportunities, and it STILL didn’t happen.

Now fast forward to after RE4 where Leon sees her again face to face alive and well, all the relationships he could’ve had 1 year after in Degeneration or 2 years after in Infinite Darkness also never stuck. (I don’t count the scene where Claire falls on top of Leon in Infinite Darkness bc Stephanie Panisello said it was her idea and asked the movie crew to add it for the Cleon shippers as it wasn’t in the original script). And then at some point after, it’s confirmed that in 2009 they spent time together, but who knows how long they’ve been in contact prior to that, I just think there must have been a lot of prior interaction that developed over time before jumping straight into “that night”. Like I know a lot if us can’t help on focus on the “that night” part but in the article where Shotaro Suga mentions romantic dinner/hotel/motel room night, but I’m over here thinking so much about the “romantic dinner” part lol bc it’s beyond just them wanting to sleep with each other, they actually cared to spend quality time together, like what did they eat, what did they wear, what did they talk about ?? I feel like they try to not mix work with pleasure (there’s just simply so much she cannot answer if he tries to even ask). Especially in the behind the scene of the video of the movie Suga says “He shows his real self when he gets in touch with a woman (Ada)”. Which is very important factor with his relationship with Ada vs his relationship with anyone else both romantic and not. We know Ada rarely shows her real self and her puts on a mask, but looks like Leon does too !

HELLO so i had to take my time to read this and formulate a response

i think with the remakes, it's implied that between 1998 and 2004, he was forced to work for the government and possible did not have time to date. during this time i believe he also does not see claire either. (correct me if i'm wrong) i think that the whole baby-girlfication on leon has really rotted into people's brains that think that he's not a man of agency and can literally go date someone if he wanted to. but even with re4r with the "i'm a one lady type of guy," and the complete removal of his flirting with literally any thing that breathes, it seems that capcom is pushing it into this direction as well. with leon not holding ashleys hand, and leon not flirting with hunnigan. it's just on his own it seems.

degeneration was the weirdest film also imo. and he did have a weird thing with angela but then he just never called her again lol. and he did that in front of claire too????

yeah i agree that the scene with leon and claire in infinite darkness was especially weird considering claire has like a face of visible disgust when she falls on him.

"that night" is also followed with the director saying that yes, they spent time outside of their jobs and their lives continued on in the background of re5. it would make sense that they saw each other some how and it lead up to "that night"

i firmly believe that leon thinks of ada as a strong woman, and someone that he doesn't need to protect or feel like he has to "baby" her. she's a woman with her own choices and decisions and he finds her challenging. it's almost like they can be partners that compliment each other and challenge each other.

leon saves the day every day- he doesn't want to do that in his personal life. he needs someone who can stand on level ground with him. someone who can really truly understand him. and im sorry but it's not gonna be self insert civilian here, that understands him.

leon's characterization changes from a bright eyed rookie cop to an agent who sees that the world is shades of grey and that no one is truly good or evil. that everyone has their own agendas and that the government that he works for isn't pure either. he struggles with knowing this and knowing that even though he tries to do the right thing, nothing gets better. we even see this with ada in re6, she has a breaking point

"we're beyond humanity"

also i firmly believe that re6 ada is extremely depressed and traumatized as her smile consistently drops whenever she's not looking at leon.

both of them have lived lives where they were used and abused. and both of them can understand each other in ways that others can not. they even showed this with infinite darkness with leon not only wanting to keep claire safe, but knowing that her line of thinking was going to get her killed or worse.

even then! both leon and ada have made mistakes and that's interesting! they both live with regrets, and god damnit it just want them to be happy together.

people say they don't deserve each other? nah, they do. they should just be together already

they can be true to each other, no facades, and just be themselves.