#I follow the show's canon only everything else is way too complicated to keep up with | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

melodyplucked · 2 months ago

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what does ricky's family look like? outside of his mom and dad, who else in his family does he see often? aunts? uncles? cousins? does/did he have grandparents close by when he was growing up?

so we know ricky has an aunt who lives at least somewhat nearby from the show- whose name pluto brought back to my attention semi-recently is judy... but that's the only canon relation we get for him in the show beyond his parents, so ... i get my free reign here so here are some thoughts

so we learned that mike and lynne were high school sweethearts- (which explains her caution about ricky and nini) but they got together senior year, and admittedly, my thoughts are along the lines that they didn't both fully grow up there if that makes sense.

this is so far from your question, BUT- mike is the reason that the two settled down in salt lake and had/raised ricky there.

lynne grew up in a more standard american city (i say this because she has to have had more exposure to The World and see the potential of having MORE than salt lake and utah have to offer) (not chicago, given ricky's evidently never been there, or at least not that he can remember, given she offers to go see the bean) for much of her life, though more on the outskirts of it, before moving to salt lake halfway through high school when her dad got a new job. i'm almost thinking maybe they lived in arizona, like- phoenix or Maybe scottsdale, to keep them more in the west. lynne's parents, so ricky's maternal grandparents, potentially settled in cape cod or something along those lines like montauk or something, so there's more distance, but i'd also consider them being in scottsdale, arizona, making there a physical distance for sure, but also- it's potentially more Emotional Distance than real solid physical distance that would be truly troublesome to cover. lynne has two siblings, my thought is an older sister, and a younger one, but i kinda want to throw in an uncle, i haven't decided where. her older sibling ended up something of a disappointment to the family, leaving her parents to sort of have to help time after time. leaving lynne to want to Excel to the highest degree. feel good about herself and not be like the one her parents feel somewhat sorry for. it somewhat annoys her that ricky struggles in school since she doesn't feel like she had that option.

i've always thought that lynne came from money, in a way mike didn't so much. not like- rich rich, but- would call themselves upper middle class v much emphasis on the upper part not the middle part. raised the kids to work hard, hence the disappointment that the oldest just... gave up. her older sister has a job and everything, has a kid, ricky's oldest cousin, who he's met a handful of times, but lynne doesn't keep super in touch, and they live far away, so ricky doesn't see that part of his family often. his maternal grandparents he would see more often when he was younger, they'd come to visit when he was a kid, do easter together, that sort of thing. ricky's never really been outside of utah other than one trip to disneyland, and i'd say that trip was probably with his parents and lynne's parents, plus his younger aunt and her baby. (his younger aunt has two kids- both younger than ricky, a daughter, and i'll say a younger son, his cousins, and they're people he sees more often, but move away from salt lake later on, definitely before ricky hits high school). they make less of an effort to travel when he's older / things seem to get more complicated at home for lynne, especially when she starts travelling so much for work, and lynne feels like she did everything the right way, and well... especially as time passes... it drives her crazy that she did all the right things and her marriage still failed ... which- that upsets her parents too.

aunt judy is mike's older sister by a solid 7 or 8 years, and her kids are, as follows, older than ricky. she's the relative that lives closest for them, his parents live somewhat close to aunt judy so she can be near to help them out, and mike goes semi-regularly to help out too. judy's kids for ricky were the cool older cousins, and they were tasked with watching the 'kids' aka the younger kids like ricky, and- beyond that- his mom's younger sister's kids too when they were around. ricky enjoyed playing with the kids, and the big kids, but the older kids are in or out of college by the time he's in high school, and only around for breaks and holidays, and don't have as much space for the baby cousin ricky anymore, aside from maybe one of them who's the one who took him to the skatepark etc. growing up and still goes when he's home.

but ricky's seen a lot of people just- moving on and leaving in his life. for their own family reasons and growing up and college and real lives... but... it's something that sticks with him, and gets brought into what finally pulls the rug out from under him when he's 16...

i've got thoughts on mike's upbringing, but i don't wanna make this any longer than it is, and i already feel like i have stuff i could change in the paragraph or so about lynne's so i'm not gonna make further commitments in this post oops. but- ricky just- doesn't give me the vibes he has a lot of external/extended family really- Around... that he sees often... whether that's due to distance or lack of effort/lack of relationships... his parents and him are more insulated from that world...

#//thanks for sending! you really didn't have to return the favor omg #♫ — is a moment enough ( study & headcanons )#♫ — if i showed up at your doorstep ( answered )

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elendsessor · 5 months ago

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major spoilers for both canon of creation and canon of vengeance

(no i’m not gonna be shutting up about 5/5v for the next month so here’s a long ass analysis)

notice how in both vengeance’s law and chaos routes the mc gets to keep being with aogami meanwhile in tne he loses him even the devs know tne is shit

seriously though i really gotta give at least some kudos for neutral being the worst option especially on a thematic standpoint, and extra kudos for the vengeance endings for better following this idea up and actually improving it somewhat.

there’s a lot of similarities to nocturne aka the multiple endings in canon of creation not having any real alignment and are ultimately mostly flexible but tne definitely mirrors the demon ending (aka the best written ending in 3) with a bit of freedom mixed in for good measure.

both punish you for not picking a side and in some ways tne is both that and the freedom ending. you choose not to change anything therefore everything stays stagnant. you’re basically trying to cheat the system via complicity, which means the problem still exists. for nocturne’s demon ending, the vortex world is officially staying the vortex world, and unless some human with a reason magically appears in it, then it’s forever stuck in time. freedom is basically delaying the inevitable, with naoki and takao—two characters who are incapable of having a reason—being the only ones who know what will happen in an unknown amount of time.

the neutral route is often depicted as one strictly in favor of humanity’s infinite potential, removing or condemning the existence of any other being. while this means humans get freedom, they’re also significantly more unstable, with only a fifty-fifty chance of keeping relative peace. that ends up being the issue with neutral as it doesn’t fix anything except for removing part of the “problem” when said problem could potentially be mutually beneficial or make things better period. strange journey’s neutral route and even redux’s new neutral route do such a good job in showing that. it’s also important to note how many of the games do show or at least mention the importance of having something to turn to, especially considering how humans have naturally evolved to stick together. unless there’s checks and balances, there’s only so long until things go sour.

anything religious or spiritual in nature does help people fun fact feel like they have purpose or find belonging. in smt’s case, having the existence of at least gods helps keep humanity in check, granting ways to further evolve, all while contributing a sense of community. notice how it isn’t until the reps start forcing beliefs onto others that things go wrong, and that’s genuinely what makes the alignment formula inherently work. there’s no wrong answer but no right one either. it’s ultimately up to what the player believes is best (or whatever route they want to aim for) and the consequences follow.

only problem is the biases. the games often push for a specific alignment to such a degree it’s noticeable, be it by having significantly more content or a full on proper ending as opposed to a quick cutscene going “hey look you did it.” i’m not saying there can’t be only one ending, but adding the other options only to not have them have much effort put into the conclusion really shows how the alignment stuff was kept purely out of obligation. neutral tends to be what’s favored the most, which makes it a little too basic and ultimately worth nothing.

that’s probably where tne shines. deciding to get rid of all the gods and demons seems good on paper since the conflicts between them get humanity caught in the crossfire, but that means losing everything else. there’s no higher beings to protect humanity if something were to arise, and considering how a natural part of a universe’s lifecycle in megaten is the inevitable recreation of a dead world, there’s going to be demons returning. if they somehow can’t despite there being multiple dimension hopping shenanigans in the series, the world isn’t capable of killing itself, leaving it permanently barren and doomed once humanity runs its course. the protag still has to be a god of sorts, however with no throne existing anymore, they’re stuck in an observer limbo for eternity, unable to interact with anyone. there’s a reincarnation of himself, sure, but that still isn’t the actual protag. aogami is the only being that genuinely cares for the protag, is with him in every route, and is literally a part of him. however, he’s still technically a god, and thus ends up sacrificing his entire existence, which leaves the protag with nobody else. yakumo fucking hates him no matter what and also hates the throne so there’s no way in hell he’s gonna do god shit, nuwa wouldn’t exist, so yeah it’s the most miserable outcome.

the issue is that this is what the game wants you to get, and every step you need to get that ending is contradictory to the themes. completing every subquest only makes you love the demons more which yes it does have a potential emotional impact (you’re killing literally everyone despite their lives beginning to work out), but doesn’t fit the route. this is something more for the myriad gods/polytheism side or even the destroy the throne ending. i’m all for the clear ending indications but it should be better tied in. best application in my opinion would be the ending being based on what you do both during the story and with all the extra content.

whose quests you complete influence the ending more. completing them for a majority of dark aligned demons gets one ending, light aligned for another, all of them could end in its own split, etc. tne could be gained via not only choosing options during the story that completely go against any of the other alignments aside from yakumo’s “let’s just kill everything that isn’t human” plus having you complete quests for either only humans or no quests whatsoever. you’re basically disassociating as much as possible from the issue, and considering how it’s noted in the beginning that no matter what the nahobino inherently has to be involved despite the protag not wanting to, it could better fit the theme of how not taking a stance in an issue that affects society as a whole does more harm than good.

(i hope people realize there’s a difference between being open minded and being a centrist.)

vengeance’s new endings are at least significantly better in that regard and further push how miserable tne’s outcome is. not only do you keep aogami, but there’s still consequences while complimenting how aogami does mention sticking with you no matter what, being as supportive as possible. law is a nobody dies/everyone lives ending, but that doesn’t mean the threat of gods and demons doesn’t exist. with bethel gone and no system to take its place, it might be even harder to defend humanity. chaos does get rid of humanity and thus all of its flaws, but the future is still uncertain. it could be better, it could be worse, hiromine’s edgy emo attitude is something you’re also doomed to endure.

this is what the original endings should’ve been in my opinion, especially since everything but the tne is appealing. like. these should’ve been in the base game. all the issues with how the original endings were handled can be so easily solved by them adding post credits ending cutscenes like with the new endings.

now idk if that’s entirely not the case since i’m doing a playthrough of the canon of vengeance stuff still and also haven’t seen anything relating to base game changes so for all i know that did happen but hey. at least this does show the wonderful potential tne did have, and if again there was just bonus end cutscenes, tne could actually be good and heartbreaking as opposed to the ultimate nothing ending.

#this is absurdly long i’m so sorry i’m just having thoughts #megaten has always had all over the place writing and no mainline game has had a perfect story #but the potential with 5 is so strong and the messy plot outcome could be heavily fixed just with how the endings are handled #vengeance proved that :”)#shantien rambles #smt #smtvv #smtvv spoilers #smt v

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pinkseas · 2 years ago

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naur but everytime i word vomit into ur inbox i literally cant remember 70% of it than the core details and the ones you answered the next day so it's kinna funny i wish tumblr lets me save my anon asks than eating it up cus i ain't drafting it like ANYWAY TO UR BESTIE THAT MENTIONED US >> I LOVE GOING INSANE WITH ALY PINKSEAS TOO ur friends are so real!!!!!!! youre insane are you single IS SUCH A FUNNY ASS LINE I WISH I WAS HIT BY IT AND I'D SAY YEA WHAT ABOUT IT

"twitter scares me so bad" as you should it's a shithole for genshin altogether with discourse and mischaracterization and you'd literally cannot stop seeing any of them once you get genshin in ur algorithm and yknow what i realized my only Best fandom experience came from tumblr with undertale Despite its discourses bc its got effective filters and the people are genuinely Good so now i'm thinking of yeeting outta twt and spectating my way here like last time (i am already doing it)

"if i read soulmates it has to be done Right [...] they can’t depend on one another they cant need one another they have to Want. they have to Choose" LIKE NO YEAH THIS IS SO TRUE SO REAL THIS IS WHAT BUGS ME ON SOULMATE AUS when it's almost not by choice and they have to work on accepting it like they're forced into needing it's like,.. a very complicated method here in changing their minds toward the other person Because of the cursed bestowed on them- the point of Choice is so fucking important to me especially when it comes to xiao specifically bc in my rendition of his he's unfamiliar with such things for a long time,.. and even in canon he's a lil troubled about deciding things for himself in the presence of higher beings until he's allowed to IT JUST HURTS HE LOST HIS FREE WILL AND THEN UR SOUL BOUND LIKE WHAT (AND FR specific soulmate tropes where the two ARE given the choice for it are. acceptable 2 me)

"lumine handling intensity well and being much better at identifying her emotions suits her SO well imo" yeah like yea!!EVERYTHING ABT THIS and i think it follows up all the traveler's sass in-game bc she's so fuckin hilarious for delivering lines super well despite having Less lines cus aside paimon taking over the talking she does have her moments and i lov her for it I DO WISH THEY HAVE HER TALK MORE EVEN WITH THE USUAL TEXT CHOOSING i just want her sick ass lines conversing

FKSDFHJSKDFJ ENDEARING IS SUCH A GODLIKE WORD TO ME I WILL KEEP USING IT FOR XIAO EVER its the way you can use it like. subtlely. a lil hidden a lil not Much about his cuteness without explicitly calling him cute its Big Word for the small boy!!!!

your thoughts on qpr makes me feel so much better abt thinking this way bout r/s like YEAH its all abt communication and open with boundaries and there really is something stifling about established r/s BUT IT'S COMPLETELY FINE FOR THOSE WHO PREFER THAT ANYHOW!!

AND YES SO MUCH ON LUMINE AND XIAO'S SHOW OF ATTRACTION TO EACH OTHER i wudnt even call it attraction i think anything that indicates a romantic tension between them is something i'm not gonna entertain like 'craving' or 'desire' (this word in particular is used very specific) and stuff like that, and it's a big fact that lumine's attachment feels like its the same to everyone Except aether,... even after she discovers his abyss persona she still begs for them to go back home too. it's unbeatable even to xiao, or at least, xiao has a different treatment to kindness for being so Similar to her (breaks down) "i feel like seeing each other constantly would be a detriment i think it’d make them both feel really weird." like RIGHT????? IT JUST FEELS OFF THIS WAY and it's not a good portrayal of xiao's desperation not wanting to lose someone else anymore. but even then, idt he shows that notion much or at all than his self-sacrifice tendencies, which is an entirely different topic. this thing about xiao's attachments and morals is a complicated thing to tackle altogether...;;,,

"no bc i characterize lumine as LOVING nature so bad" and u are absolute fucking RIGHT to think that, and for me she just likes exploring in general and is a bit of a reckless daredevil so long she has her glider and its the only condition. its stupid it's silly BUT IT MAKES SENSE shes just a constant headache to xiao in looking after her testing through the terrain but /pos

"i am So Grateful to you for sharing your thoughts i am so giddy over us being on such similar wavelengths" AND ME TO YOU TOO IT'S BEEN SO GOOD TO JUST SPILL EVERYTHING I HAVE IN MIND and get comfortable even on stuff im shy to reveal on unpublished asks cus ur reactions even if not agreeing there's still some reassurance anyway and i dont mind that or feel rejected at all when 98% others is what we just. have connected brains on KDJFHSDKJFH AND JEEZ I RLLY DO CAN'T HELP MYSELF WHEN THE BRAINWORMS INVADE WHEN I REPLY UR RESPONSES TOO it takes over my fingers like a parasite i gratefully let em

and ouuouh ur interpretation of the two's development starting in inazuma is so sweet and it makes sense bc of how dangerous the region is bc in my silly lil bran it made sense to have it After the chasm since it's the quests centering his arc AND I STILL CANT BELIEVE HE HAS HIS OWN ARCHON INTERLUDE,.. this made me loving all the peeps of the chasm gang too and i wish they did Something after the quest ended like UEUEUE TRAUMA SHARING SESSION FOR PPL WHO ONLY MET FOR 3 DAYS LETS GO

so like i start from sumeru bc of the points bc of this and bc i love slow development So Much im practically immune to slowburn did u know. all those fics do Not affect me even if i reach its 30th chapter of them being reluctant to opening up. ""zhongli encouraging him to take more time to himself, lumine taking him on little trips guiding him out more and more and more often" is THE CONCEPT EVER YOU HAVE ZHONGLI INVOLVED idk if you dig this but parental zhongli has me on the floor so id like to think he's another important figure in xiao's life aside lumine too he's just that warm hand on his back encouraging Out of his comfort zone and obligations and lumine's the hand that pulls him Along to see the new things of the world. like zhongli is such a dad,.... doing dad things a grandpa to liyue but i also cant help but have him having an attachment to xiao knowing they share a life even as a master-subordinate r/s (cus in my interpretation zhongli never felt that way than thinking he just wants xiao to Live, too,.. sobbing crying shitting)

"taking baby steps in leaving that part of his life, never quite letting go but letting the ties that hold him to liyue loosen, never forgetting his contract and his duty but understanding that there’s no longer an obligation to fulfill it, that he does it out of his own wish instead. i just. idk. idk !!!!!! at the core of it i think im obsessed with them learning how to live again and doing it together" i got no words. i ran out of brain fuel but my body is convulsing folding in on itself liek MY LIEGE YOU ARE!!!!! U R SO,........ LIKE OSBFGKJFGHDKJGH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this is THE XIAOLUMI AND METHINKS,....... THE XIAO ARC IN ENTIRETY AS WELL CUS I BELIEVE IN HIS INDEPENDENCY (with a little help and support from ppl who cares bout him) i just akjdhaskejjksfhsdfkjhdsjfhkjdsbvadhvbjhkv

using a read more thingy just for the sake of anyone on mobile

NOT REMEMBERING ASKS IS SO REAL i forget what i say so often even when i Can go back and check how the fuck am i supposed to know what ive said when i Can't

MY BESTIE THAT MENTIONED US >>> SO REAL i think its been more than a few at this point actually which is very funny to me. shan if ur reading this i am holding u so close to me in my little arms. youre insane are you single is the best line ever especially when you are Dating The Person Who Says It my response every time is "no but i could be😏" i find myself far too funny its awful

we are Shaking Hands in terms of being on tumblr experiencing the undertale fandom that's so real of us undertale was the reason i got a tumblr in the first place all those years ago... you should ABSOLUTELY spectate here i literally never see anything i don't want to see i live in my perfect little echo chamber it's so <333

"even in canon he's a lil troubled about deciding things for himself in the presence of higher beings until he's allowed to" GODDD YEAH YEAH YEAH YEA H YEAH YEAHY HEA YEAH !!!!!!!!!!!!! do NOT force this boy into situations he does that enough by himself thank you very much

"even after she discovers his abyss persona she still begs for them to go back home" no bc its just. On Another Level Genuinely. they've been traveling together with no one but each other with god knows how long especially depending on personal headcanons, they're used to going through entire worlds and moving on theyre used to not getting super attached !!! its a little different in teyvat i think because theyve lost most of their power and they're trapped and alone for the foreseeable future but. that still doesnt change the past and their habits yknow ?? its something i try REALLY hard not to think about actually because (with the exception of a very specific au which i am currently writing for) unless they're just. trapped on teyvat Forever i CANNOT imagine lumine staying there once she has the ability to leave and i CANNOT imagine xiao ever leaving. it makes me So Sad genuinely i simply refuse to acknowledge its existence

"xiao's attachments and morals is a complicated thing to tackle altogether" SO REAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM SO GLAD U THINK IM RIGHT ABT THE NATURE LOVING it just feels right tbh and "shes just a constant headache to xiao in looking after her testing through the terrain but /pos" also so real <33333333 lumine and her silly little glider. god. i love them both so bad

i do like to think of the chasm as post-inazuma but thats because in my head w/ their development inazuma is like. The Next Step almost, where they're close enough in liyue but the fact that they continue to be close even once lumine has left really hits. and then they've been a bit closer and become familiar with one another in quite a few ways by the time the chasm happens and then i get super self indulgent with the chasm because i am so silly like that <3333 in terms of slowburn and the way you've described their growing closeness it does make SO much sense to swap it tbh i love the thought of the chasm being like the start of things and the way that'd bring them closer before inazuma and. mfgnmhfnmf god. GOD.

"i wish they did Something after the quest ended" no bc in my little brain they get together once every month or two just to have a meal together and talk and keep up with each other they are Friends Now

"parental zhongli has me on the floor so id like to think he's another important figure in xiao's life aside lumine too he's just that warm hand on his back encouraging Out of his comfort zone and obligations and lumine's the hand that pulls him Along to see the new things of the world" this is the most perfect accurate thing i have read in my entire life for starters i LOVE parental zhongli like. idk not FULL parental not too much but def him being a more parental figure in xiao's life especially compared to other interpretations of their dynamic i just. god. it is So Important to me that zhongli cares for him and looks after him just in those little ways. the warm encouraging hand on his back vs the hand pulling him along is PERFECT thats such a fucking amazing way of putting it i love everything abotu that the image is so clear in my head

o(-(

^^^ me dead on the floor thinking about zhongli and lumine being such important figures in xiao's life... i like to think that a Lot of the characters in liyue are important to him in different, small little ways i just don't know their characters well enough to fully describe how but like. idk baizhu qiqi yanfei ganyu yknow ?? i know next to nothing about yanfei but i might have to try and write her for this honestly we'll see how it goes but i REALLY want there to be at least one character other than the few i have now who he ends up talking to even if its just smth rly simple... if nothing else the chasm crew is getting an honorable mention on god

idk i just. xiao has done so much for liyue for so long i really love to think of those very few who know him trying to do little supporting things for him, too it's so important to me

okay and now !!!

i am also gonna answer the Other Ask but without publishing it naturally it will simply live comfy cozy in my inbox <333

THAT ONE SHIP "it mischaracterizes Both characters in the pair altogether for the sake of romance" you're so real for this idk i dont MIND seeing it but it has never felt in character to me and i feel like this describes exactly why ?? idk maybe its just the xiaolumi brainworms eating away at me but like. i Get It

what you said about like. your personal hcs for him in regards to that trauma and how he processes it that is SO fucking valid, i def understand getting anxious about certain self-indulgent hcs im the same way both with the sillier ones and heavier ones but i can promise you that if nothing else i will Never judge you for even the most self indulgent ridiculous shit EVER. like the way you described it all is so valid and so easy to picture and a really good way to interpret/believe he'd deal with everything but even if you were to have the most ooc headcanon or anything ever just for fun just for the sake of it i simply would never judge having fun is the Most Important with these things im so srs

we have diff interpretations of how he'd deal with things like the yaksha's deaths and zhongli dying but i think a lot of the points we both have are still pretty similar, ESPECIALLY with him not knowing how to handle it and ESPECIALLY especially with the shock factor. the way i write him or would write his reaction to that would definitely be him just sort of Shutting Down emotionally because its too much and too overwhelming and so he kicks into like. i cant call it work mode its not really a job. but he fully focuses on fighting and finding out who couldve killed rex lapis and like. he turns his attention to things that are familiar and easier to deal with and he buries himself in them the way one would bury themselves in their work to ignore emotions yknow? and then there'd be the shock factor of "oh he Is alive" and then there's this massive pit of grief with nowhere to go because logically, reasonably, rex lapis is alive, there's nothing left to grieve. he shouldn't still be upset <- man who refuses to let himself process and feel his emotions when the emotions dont stop existing just bc he ignores them

that being said that's definitely a Pattern With Me Specifically like in the barbara fic ive been working its built off of canon but i take it SO far just bc i can :sob: and i enjoy it way too much to want to Not do that yknow? girls who struggle to process and Actually Feel their emotions writing characters strugglign to process and Actually Feel their emotions so that she can process and feel them vicariously through them <3 or something along those lines idk at this point its less that and more "wow this is really fun to write and its smth im familiar with so its easier to write as well"

my cat meowed and i stepped away for like 2 seconds to pet her and immediately lost every train of thought ive ever had in my life hopefully i wasnt gonna say anything else LMAO but no yeah self indulgent hcs and ways of interpreting characters >>>>>>>

i keep reading and rereading the way you described xiao's response to grief i am OBSESSED its so easy to imagine its so easy to see like oh my god. ohhhh my god. based as hell it suits him so well

i cannot think of anythign else to say back to the trenches i go <- finding scenes where i started in the middle or left out the endings and filling those parts in now that i dont know what else to write. its been really nice actually ive gotten a lot done just with that LMAO

#parasocial bestie tag

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lokis-army-77 · 3 years ago

Text

I Have Loved You

Druig x (Eternal) Reader

Word Count: 3790

The reader has loved Druig for a while but hasn't told him because she believes her feelings are one-sided, what happens when she tells Druig how she feels.

This was written with a female in mind for possible future fics, but there is no specific gender mentioned. There is also no Y/N or name for the reader mentioned.

Warnings: Canon typical violence, angst I think

Masterlist

Sersi and Ikaris's wedding was beautiful and intimate. The whole group was happy for them, even me, but I just couldn't help feeling sad. Not sad that they were getting married but because I wanted so badly to have what they did. To have someone to hold me and love me and be my best friend and lover for the rest of our time here on earth and when we leave to go to our homeworld of Olympia. But that would never happen because the man I was deeply and madly in love with had someone else.

In the midst of my friends, the ten people I consider to be as close as family, I felt so alone. I was standing between Ajak and Makkari when I looked away from Sersi and Ikaris's kissing form only to have my eyes land on Druig. He was standing shoulder to shoulder with Makkari, eating a mango. He was smirking, the way he always did, the way that made butterflies erupt in my stomach. My staring wasn’t too subtle because within a second his eyes met mine and he flashed me a toothy smile. I gave him a quick smile of my own before facing forward again. I could feel my face heating up, now it was probably a deep red, flustered.

We were good friends, but a few thousand years ago I started to feel more than just friendship for Druig. I never once acted on my feelings, and likely never will because of the relationship I know he has with Makkari. I see how they are together and it makes my heart ache knowing I will never have him look at me the way he does her. I begin to feel tears pooling in my eyes and quietly excuse myself from the group.

I quickly scurried down one of the hallways to my right and came to a small shadowy alcove. I dropped down to the ground and huddled up to the wall as closely as I could. I held my knees close and then buried my head in my arms. Only then did I let the tears fall. I tried to stay as silent as possible, hoping no one could hear me, but someone had.

Ajak had followed me out of the ceremony room a few minutes later. It was in her nature to be like a mother to us, and seeing me run off with watery eyes had concerned her. I felt her hand on my shoulder before I even knew she was there. The sudden contact had startled me enough to jump a bit. I looked up at her crouching figure, sniffling.

She brought her hands to my cheeks and wiped the still flowing tears. "Tell me, my dear, what is the matter?"

I could feel the lump in my throat expand as I tried to open my mouth to tell her but in the end, I just started to cry more. Ajak just brought me into her chest and gently smoothed her hands on my back. I cried for a few more minutes until I finally calmed down enough to get words out.

"I- I hate being so close to him. I hate that I've had to live with these emotions for almost four thousand years, it’s killing me." It took everything in me not to sob as I spoke. Ajak said nothing, she just sat knelt there waiting on me to continue.

"Why do I have to love someone with every fiber of my being when they are so obviously in love with someone else? Sometimes I ask myself what the point of having eternal life is when I have no one special to share it with." When I finished I let out a shaky breath.

"Everything will be alright. Have you thought about telling him how you feel? What he shows on the outside may very well be different from how he feels inside. Druig is a complicated soul, one who typically keeps his true feelings reserved.” Ajak said as she smoothed her hands over my loose hair.

I looked up at her with wide eyes. “How did you know Druig was the one I was talking about?”

“My dear, you do not make your affections subtle, at least not to me.”

“Oh.” I nodded in understanding. “Do you really think that if I at least spoke to him about it, I might feel better?”

“It couldn’t hurt. Now let’s stand up and go back to the others.” She grabbed my arms and helped me to my feet. One hand fell to her side and took up a piece of blue fabric swaying to her movements. She brought the fabric up to my face and wiped away the wet spots the tears had created. “Take a deep breath and we will walk back together.”

“Thank you Ajak, this really means a lot.” I took her arm that she held out to me and soon we were back with the others.

If they noticed my puffy eyes and red face they didn’t say. They were all eating from the feast that had been prepared by the locals. Before I could reach the table, Druig was beside me with two bowls full of brown rice.

“Thank you.” I smiled up at him sweetly as I took the bowl from his outstretched hand. I watched him closely as he leaned himself back onto the wall that was to our left, I just stood in front of him, taking small bites of rice.

“Why did you run off earlier?” His voice was filled with concern.

“Um- I just felt sick for a second, I’m okay now, no need to worry.”

“I’m glad you are doing better, Makkari was worried for you when you left so suddenly.” Ahh, Makkari. That’s why he had asked.

Trying not to look too upset, I locked eyes with him and said, “Well, tell her that I am okay. I think I’m going to head back to the Domo. I’ll see everyone later.” He nodded in confirmation and I exited the room unnoticed.

The walk back to the Domo was long and hot but it gave me some time to think. How would I even bring up the subject of my feelings? Would I even be able to go through with telling him? What if I just scare him away and whatever ounce of friendship we had just vanished? The thoughts of possibly becoming a stranger to Druig plagued my mind as I entered the Domo and headed straight for my room. I laid on the bed for what was probably hours, waiting for the others to return. In the end, I fell asleep before any of them came back.

Over the next few weeks, I did everything in my power to not be around Druig when he was with Makkari, or even Sersi and Ikaris, whose relationship constantly reminded me of what I could never have. I had eventually determined that I would tell Druig how I felt by the end of the month if I could ever find him alone.

When I had finally worked up the courage to bring it up, my plan was flipped on its head. We had traveled to Rome in the past week, following a small pack of deviants. We hadn't found them yet, but while the others searched the countryside, I stayed back in the Domo with Druig, Ajak, Sersi, Sprite, and Phastos.

We were sitting in Phastos’s lab, I was reading a book I had found in the small library we had on the ship, the others seemed to be talking amongst themselves. I only looked up from the pages when Druig sat down by my propped-up feet.

“What are you doing over here by yourself?” He was looking straight ahead when I brought my attention to him.

“Just reading, waiting for the others to get back with some news. Why?” I closed my book, keeping a finger between the pages to save my spot.

“No reason, you just looked like you could use some company.” He said and turned his head slightly to look at me. Now was my time to tell him, I thought.

“Actually, while I have you here, there is something I have been meaning to talk to you about.”

“Oh? Whatever could it be?” He turned to face me fully.

“Do you mind if we go to a different room, it’s a private matter, I wouldn’t want to concern the others with it.”

“Yeah, that's fine. Lead the way.” He stood and held his hand out to me. I took it and once I was on my feet, I gently placed my book down where I had been setting.

I led us out of the lab and down two corridors before stopping. Druig leaned against the far wall, but I stood where I was in the middle of the hall. Hesitantly I wrung my hands together, thinking of how I was going to word this.

“I have actually been meaning to tell you this for a while now, but it just never felt like there was a good time to do so.” I could feel my pulse quickening, I was becoming anxious.

“Well, you have me dying to know what it is,” he smirked at me.

It took me a few seconds to get my thoughts back in order before I started. “Ever since I can remember, probably since we came to Earth, I’ve-” Before I could finish, Sersi came running down the hall.

"You two need to come quick, there are more deviants than we anticipated. We all need to fight this time.” She rambled out and then she was a blur of green.

“I- I can tell you later, it isn’t that important,” I said. I didn’t stay to see if he had a response, I ran as fast as I could to the room that housed our armor. The others were already there when I entered along with Druig. We both quickly found our places, I closed my eyes as I waited for the Domo to place my armor on. When I opened them again, I was met with the solid gold and black accented leather and metal armor.

As soon as the six of us were dressed we quickly ran to help the others. It was midday, the sun was shining brightly which meant it would be easier to fight the pack. I paned my head from left to right and back again, scanning for any signs of action. The forest was quiet as our small group walked to find the others. The only sound that could be heard was the crunch of leaves and twigs under our feet, not even the birds were chirping. Suddenly a loud roar erupted in the distance, somewhere in front of us.

Without looking at the others, I sprinted my way to the noise. I clenched my fists and flames instantly appeared around them. There was a clearing up ahead and I could see Thena fighting off two deviants alongside Gilgamesh. When I arrived in the clearing a deviant leaped out in front of me and started to circle. It was prowling, waiting for an opening to strike. I wouldn't give it an opening and I stretched out my right arm, like throwing a punch, and sending a blast of fire into the face of the creature. It cried out as it was burnt by the flames. The small blast had bought me enough time to easily come up behind the creature and conjure a ball of air around its head. To anyone watching, it would look as though the deviant had stopped mid-fight, but I knew, felt, what was happening. I was forcing the air from its lungs into that tight ball or ruching wind and eventually, the creature collapsed.

As I looked up from the deviant's dead body I saw another one running straight for Druig who had his back turned. I ran as fast as I could before dropping down into a slide to dodge a deviant who was jumping for me. I used a gust of wind to push myself off my feet and into the air over the deviant running at Druig. While falling to the ground I flung my hands out then up, summoning several pointed stalagmites up from the ground, impaling the creature below me. It was dead by the time I landed and forced the columns of earth back into the ground.

Druig must have heard the commotion behind him since he had turned around to face me. “Thank you.” His voice came out quickly before he gave me a pat on the shoulder then darted past me, back into the fight. I watched after him longingly. Shaking my head clear on thoughts, this was no time to feel lovesick.

Another deviant was on me instantly, I barely moved out of the way before its razor-sharp teeth could latch onto my arm. I let out a sharp gasp as the force of my turn sent me tumbling over a tree root. Throwing my hands out I caught myself before I landed on my face. Quickly I turned around as the deviant raced toward me. I had no time to stand or to throw my arms out to summon any element before the creature had me pinned to the ground with its clawed feet. My head slammed into the earth so hard I almost blacked out. Before the dizziness wore off I kicked and struggled to wrench myself from its grip but it did nothing. My arms were trapped so I was powerless as I watched the snarling face of the deviant rear back before coming down at me. A shrill scream erupted from my throat. I closed my eyes waiting for the end to come but instead of a mouth around my head, I felt the weight of the creature thrown off of me.

I opened my eyes slowly as I propped myself up onto my elbows. The body of the deviant was almost thirty feet away and right next to me stood Druig with what looked like concern etched on his face. With another look around I noticed that all the deviants were gone, there wasn’t any danger. I dropped from my elbows back to the ground and let out a long breath.

“I was afraid I wouldn’t make it there for a minute. Thank you for saving me.”

“I’ll always save you.” I heard him mumble, my head shot up at that.

“What?”

“I didn’t say anything.” he denied.

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I didn’t. You’re probably hearing things probably, you did hit your head.”

I looked at him skeptically but didn’t question him further. He reached his hand down to me and hauled me to my feet. Dusting myself off I thanked him before we both started walking to the others.

“I saw what you did with the rocks, very nice.” I heard from behind me.

“Thanks, Kingo,” I laughed.

Three more days had passed and I still wasn’t able to continue my conversation with Druig. It almost seemed like he had been avoiding me. My mind kept giving over what he had murmured after he had saved me. I’ll always save you. What had he meant by it? Did he maybe reciprocate my feelings? I couldn’t be sure until I talked to him again, but that was proving to be difficult when he was always nowhere to be found.

I spent the better part of two hours scouring the Domo top to bottom but he wasn’t here. I even asked the group but they hadn’t seen him since breakfast, which he chose to skip. Then when I thought I would give up, I remembered one place I had yet to look.

The trees were beautiful in the fast-fading light. The slight breeze rustled the leaves in such a way that it sounded like music to my ears. It was calming to be surrounded by nature like this.

Soon my ears were met with the far-off chatter of a bustling town after dusk. And there, sat on a rock overlooking said town, was Druig. If he knew I was behind him, he didn’t show. I kept walking, eventually sliding myself onto the large stone beside him.

We sat quietly for a moment, watching the shopkeepers light their outside lamps so they could keep their shops open a while longer before I spoke.

“Assarius for your thoughts?”

“A what?” he asked.

“It's a bronze coin, they use it here,” I said, sweeping my hand out, gesturing to the town below us.

“Oh.” He said but remained quiet after that. I didn’t push, he seemed to be in deep thought. Then he gave a great big sigh and said, “Do you ever think, what’s the point? What’s the point in saving them from the deviants if they are just going to destroy themselves anyway? I have the power to stop them all from hurting themselves and others but I can’t get involved. None of us can and it’s ridiculous. The deviants are the least of our worries if they keep going on like this.”

I watched him closely, his face was contorted into a mix of grief and frustration. I just laid my hand onto his shoulder and rubbed softly. “I know how you feel, but what brought this on so suddenly?”

He hummed before answering. “That ceramics shop there,” he pointed his finger, “some boys came by earlier and were harassing the old man working there. They smashed almost everything before I intervened. I know Ajak says not to, but how can I stand by and let them hurt one another when I can help them live peacefully.”

I gave him another pat on the shoulder before he turned to look at me. His eyes were intense, even in the growing moonlight, I could feel the butterflies starting up. A blush formed on my cheeks as I gave him a soft smile. “Although I don’t agree with not interfering, I do think she is right when she says that conflict helps them grow. It is their nature to fight, just like any other beast on the planet. You cannot protect them all, even your powers can’t span the whole planet.”

“I know.” he sounded defeated. “It just feels like a waste to protect them from deviants when all they want to do is kill one another. This doesn't feel like progress.”

“I know it doesn't,” I tried to make it sound comforting.

“You never finished telling me what it was you needed to tell me the other day,” he stated, looking deep into my eyes. I always hated when he did that, looked at me that way. It always made me feel like he was reading my mind even though I knew he wouldn’t, that was a boundary that never crossed with me or our fellow Eternals.

“It doesn’t matter now.” I looked away, his stare seemingly becoming more intense.

“Tell me.” His voice was soft, the softest if ever heard.

“I- I.” The words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. I took a deep breath and let it out wearily before trying again. “I have felt this way for thousands of years and until recently I could push it to the side, but the feelings have become stronger and harder to ignore. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to ruin what amount of friendship we had, but honestly, I can’t just sit here and do nothing about it anymore. This might be something you don’t want to hear from me but I have to say it.” I took another deep breath, my eyes stayed trained forward. I couldn’t risk looking at him or I would either burst into tears or run away.

“I love you, I have for a long time now. I know these feelings I have aren't reciprocated considering you are with Makkari, but I just needed you to know so I could save myself from the heartache I feel every time I see you.”

He said nothing for a long time, I was worried I had scared him away, and if I hadn't been sitting right next to him, I would have thought he had disappeared.

“Can you say something, please?” I begged. His silence was excruciating. Slowly I turned my body than my head to face him. I can’t explain the look he was giving me, only that I had never seen it before.

His hands traveled from where they were in his lap to either side of my neck, his thumbs gently caressed my cheeks. I could feel the heat radiating from my face as he looked me in the eyes.

“I may not have shown it, probably because my own emotions freak me out, but I have loved you since the day we awoke in the Domo. Keeping you at arm's length had seemed, to me, the best way to keep the intense emotions I was feeling in check. I never meant to make you feel like I didn’t care for you, I just-, I don’t know. As for Makkari, we are just friends. I don’t love her as I love you as I will always love you.”

His words flowed into my ears but I couldn’t comprehend a thing he said. When he looked at me with expecting eyes, all I could do was open and close my mouth like a fish out of water. Never in a million years had I expected him to say what he had just said. My mind was blank, I didn’t know what to do. That was, until Druig pulled my face closer to his, and before I knew it our lips collided in a soft, warm kiss.

My eyes widened but slowly closed. My hands traveled up his torso, over his broad shoulders, and into his hair. One of his hands stayed where it was on my neck and the other steadily followed the curve of my chest, down my stomach, and then to my waist to pull me up from the rock and onto his lap. We continued to kiss until each of us were breathless.

“I am so in love with you,” he murmured as he once caught his breath. “Will you allow me to make up for all the times I should have told you?” he asked, looking through his latched into my eyes.

“Yes,” I whispered, nodding my head vigorously. He just laughed and began to kiss me again. I smiled into it as I tried to bring our bodies closer.

#Druig #druig x reader #druig fanfiction #druig oneshot #druig fic #the eternals #marvels eternals #druig x female reader #druig fluff #druig angst #eternals x reader #eternals druig #marvel x reader #druig x eternal!reader #eternals barry keoghan #barry keoghan

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altruistic-meme · 3 years ago

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AFTG fic recs

Hi all! I just wanted to share some of my all-time favorite fanfics for aftg, for no real reason other than I want more people to read them and send their love to the authors :)

Under a readmore because it got. A little long. But please enjoy!

WIPs

Dangerous Habits by LovelyLittleGrim ( @lovelylittlegrim )

Andrew has run into problems while on undercover jobs before. None of those problems were anything like the troublesome runaway that is one Nathaniel Wesninski

Aka: the fic where Andrew is undercover as a hitman for hire and Neil is the guy who hires him. Things get complicated from there.

Undercover Andrew? BAMF Neil? Hitman AU?? Absolutely. I’m in love. The story is just *chef kisses*

Chapters: 8/9

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, past rape/non-con, Drake Spear (who is his own warning), Butcher Neil,

Negotiations by elesary ( @elesary )

This is what Andrew Minyard knows: his brother is dead, killed by a petty Raven prince who has never learned to keep his hands off of Andrew's things. His brother's daughters are his responsibility, a job that is made infinitely harder when their shitty grandparents want custody. Nathaniel Wesninski is a liar, but he might be the only way to avenge Aaron and protect his nieces. All Andrew has to do is watch Nathaniels - Neil's- back as he carves out his own life and identity from everyone who thinks they own him.

Andrew has always been good at upholding his end of the bargain, has he finally found someone willing to uphold theirs?

This fic has got me fucked up, honestly. I’m emotional over it. It’s fantastic.

Chapters: 11/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, attempted sexual assault, Butcher Neil,

the upper hand by plantelty ( @plantelty )

Shortly after losing his mother, Neil arrives in the small town of Palmetto, South Carolina, alone in the world and with an impossible plan to carry through.

At the age of eighteen, Andrew ends up helping a boy stage his own death.

Just two fucked up boys learning to trust each other during the course of a summer, but also: multiple references to songs, twinyard angst (Nicky tries his best), The Plotting of Neil Josten's Gruesome Demise, and shit hitting the fan in a variety of ugly ways!

The cliffhanger has got me on the edge of my seat, but it is 100% worth the read and the wait for the last chapter!!

Chapters: 10/11

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Canon typical violence,

The Butcher’s House by Fire_Bear ( @fire-bear )

Andrew thought something was odd with the house the Foxes had to move into after their Athletes' House had been burnt down. He just wasn't prepared for what was actually wrong with it.

For this was a house full of monsters.

Ghost story! Ghost story! Ghost story! I literally think about this fic every other day, it’s fantastic.

Chapters: 6/?

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: character death (major or minor is unclear), injuries,

Promise of an Unbroken Boy by elesary ( @elesary )

Neil is caught by the police with Mary's burning body and is sent to juvie in Oakland where he is assigned to share a cell with one Andrew Doe, who promises him Exy, if only Neil will tell him all of his secrets. With no access to tinted contacts and hair dye, he agrees, it's only a matter of time until he's killed after all. What does he have to lose?

But Andrew's found someone who knows what a promise means, and he'll be damned if he lets that go without a fight.

Ngl this is definitely in my very top favorites -- I LOVE the idea of Neil and Andrew meeting pre-series, and this fic just BLEW my expectations for that plotline out of the waters

Chapters: 14/?

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Underage, attempted rape/non-con, canon-typical violence,

~~~~~~~~~

Complete

The Nameless Monster by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )

Nathaniel Wesninski wants nothing more than to see his father dead and buried. But when his father promises him the title of The Butcher, Nathaniel quickly realizes that his destiny of following in his father's footsteps is closer than ever before.

So of course, when he gets forced to go undercover for the Baltimore police, he starts seeing what living could truly be.

Andrew Minyard is a newly recruited police officer for the worst precinct in Baltimore, who is dedicated on hunting down the notorious Butcher and his unnamed underling. But when Neil Josten is thrown into his midst as his civilian consultant; he starts to realize some things don't quite appear as they seem.

I love the story telling -- the secret identities, the plotting, everything.

Chapters: 14/14

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Butcher Neil, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced slef-harm (I believe there is a scene that is somewhat detailed on this subject), some characters also get drugged at one point,

that’s just something people say by nanatsuyu ( @theoctopusnods )

Neil makes the mistake of stealing the wrong car. Andrew makes the mistake of offering a ride to a liar. They both make the mistake of turning the whole affair into a road trip ‘home.’

Gonna be honest; the summary does not give a big idea as to what is in store and i am SO GLAD I gave this one a try so i’m telling you that you will be too

Chapters: 24/24

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, panic attacks (somewhat grahic descriptions of)

The Story After You by kanekicure ( @kanekicure )

Andrew Minyard does not understand how Riko Moriyama landed Neil Wesninski.

How the snot-nosed, small dick, rich brat, second son of the Moriyama family who also just so happened to own the largest EXY gear and merchandiser company in the world “RAVEN” - had landed smart mouthed, quick witted, stupidly blue eyed Wesninski, was beyond him. Well, unless Wesninski was a gold digger, but Andrew doubted it.

Or; how Andrew Minyard says he doesn't get into messy situations, until he meets Neil and suddenly he is in the most messiest possible situation ever imagined in his life - oh and also, he might be becoming a homewrecker.

Ok I am behind bc I haven’t read the final chapter of this but!! I love the story, it’s very emotional and moving, and I love the characterization in it.

Chapters: 10/10

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Abusive Riko/Neil, abusive relationship, implied/referenced rape/non-con, implied/reference child abuse, implied/referenced self-harm, graphic depictions of violence, some descriptions of injuries/scarring,

This Complicated Life by 5a5b5p5 ( @andrewsbutterflyknife )

“This is exactly why I don’t want you and Andrew to meet,” Aaron says grumpily. “You two would get along far too well.”

Neil grins. “I just like pissing you off,” he says, “It’s not my fault your brother does such a good job at it.”

—

Neil doesn’t expect much from his Sophomore year of college, but when he becomes a waiter at the Palmetto Bistro, his life gets a whole lot more interesting. As it turns out, maintaining friendships new and old as well as navigating an interesting relationship with the head chef of the restaurant—who just so happens to be his best friend’s twin brother—is a lot more complicated than he’d thought it would be.

A much more light-hearted fic than most of the others! Includes a secret relationship, and also chef Andrew >>

Chapters: 10/10

Rating: Mature

Warnings:

When I Fade, Keep Me in Your Memory by demesh

Neil Josten has a secret: he can flicker out of existence.

He can vanish with the turn of a thought; click his fingers, and suddenly he’s not there anymore. Invisible and untouchable, he becomes a living ghost.

Having promised his mother never to let his ability go, Neil teeters the line between faded and real, a person and an echo. He can’t risk getting hurt.

But then, one day, someone sees him when they shouldn’t be able to.

A (flower-shop) AU about how a faded and lonely Neil finds it in him to become someone real.

Another fic that I need to catch up on ;; but anyway it’s amazing and I love Neil’s ability in it, it’s so well explained and well-written about

Chapters: 12/12

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: mentions of past abuse, panic attacks

12 Ways to Woo a Minyard by NikNak22 ( @knickknacksandallthat )

Neil is a math nerd who, by a stroke of dumb luck, falls into a group of friends that are the closest thing to family he’s ever had. So, when he tells them about his new mysterious crush, he shouldn’t be surprised how immediately they come up with a plan to help win them over. One they insist that if Neil follows it, he’ll have them falling for him in no time. But things don’t always go to plan – or do they?

Nicky wants to set him up with someone else. Matt and Jeremy are confused but supportive. Allison and Seth offer lewd suggestions, while Dan does her best to keep everyone in line. Jean and Renee know something, Aaron doesn’t really care, and Kevin just wants Neil to join the lacrosse team.

But one thing’s for certain – whether Neil’s successful or not, everyone’s got money riding on this.

The romance-trope-filled fanfic of my dreams. Sometimes you just need a fic of pure joy -- this is that fic.

Chapters: 14/14

Rating: Mature

Warnings:

finders keepers by moonix ( @annawrites )

Andrew meets Nathaniel through a scavenger hunt app. As their team takes part in a hunt that sends each of them to creepy, abandoned places alone to solve clues and gain points, Andrew and Nathaniel begin a little treasure hunt of their own. The anonymity of getting to know each other in small increments, never meeting face-to-face, allows them a level of intimacy neither are used to. Meanwhile Renee’s friend Neil is acting weird whenever Andrew shows up…

This was one of the first fics I read for aftg!! And BOY what a great start!! All of the little pieces and parts that work together, and just the scavenger hunt itself is fantastic! (I also REALLY wanna know if there is an app like this out there because I would be down to do that)

Chapters: 8/8

Rating: Mature

Warnings: (these all come from the author:) “mentions of historical abuse in a mental asylum, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder and kidnapping, morbid facts, creepy abandoned places including a haunted house at a theme park with disturbing rooms, special appearance of a creepy clown doll, fatphobia and some introspection on body image/complicated relationship with food, mention of self harm scars”

-----

Scared to Live (But I’m Scared to Die) by Major_816 ( @major816 )

Neil Josten goes to the Nest for Andrew, but he stays for a lot more.

"I'm sorry Coach," he muttered.

"For what kid?" Wymack shifted. "You've got to give me something to work with here."

Wymack watched the thin traces of sorrow as paper exchanged hands and he was looking down at a contract with the Edgar Allan Raven's.

"I signed them Coach, I'm sorry."

The one where Neil doesn't come back from Winter Break.

It is VERY dark, and is one of very few fics that I have actually been almost unable to read one of the scenes, so DEFINITELY pay attention to the warnings -- both these, and the ones provided for each individual chapter. I did go through the fic to collect as many warnings as I could find in the chapter warnings, but be sure to take care of yourself.

Chapters: 36/36

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: rape/non-con elements, implied/referenced rape/non-con, discussions of rape/non-con, canon-typical violence, graphic descritions, physical abuse, panic attacks, descriptions of injuries (often graphic), psychological warfare, dissociating, psychological torture, physical torture, use of knives, alcoholism/alcohol abuse, pain-induced delirium, rape/non-con, emotional self-separation, suicidal ideation/thoughts of suicide, emotional distress (which sums up the whole fic and also me while reading it), handcuffs/chains used as restraints, referenced/implied abuse towards animals, vomitting, begging, excessive use of painkillers, drowning, waterboarding, physical restraint, mutilation of an animal, mild hallucinations, non-con drugging, sleep deprivation, starvation, humiliation, the Butcher,

Also one of the first fics I read and 100% my absolute favorite fic!!! Which is adfjhsd a little worrying, considering, but it is what it is. Anyway. This fic absolutely wrecked me, and while it is technically complete, there is a sequel in the works! So! But I am so so excited for the sequel, and I am working on rereading this. It’s amazing. 1000/10.

#also!! btw i would love if anyone has more fic recs >> just an fyi >>#idk if demesh doesn't have a tumblr but i couldn't find one :(#also major816 for some reason i can never tag and idk why #aftg #all for the game #andreil #the foxhole court #tfc #andrew minyard #neil josten #fic rec #rec list

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animebw · 2 years ago

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Short Reflection: Tatami Time Machine Blues

Is there a point in making a sequel to The Tatami Galaxy?

Most likely, the answer is no. Masaaki Yuasa’s seminal 2010 exploration of college life and choice paralysis was as complete and self-contained as a story could possibly be. It spent 11 episodes saying everything it needed to say and left without any loose ends to tie up. And not only are there no real narrative threads to pull on for a follow-up, there’s no real way to recreate the complex time loop gimmick that drove its structure without breaking the narrative machinery in half. Tatami Galaxy was an incredible show, but it was also a show that could only ever work once. So while this twelve-years-later sequel might be little more than a fun nostalgia trip, can you really blame it? There’s nothing that Tatami Time Machine Blues can do that Tatami Galaxy didn’t already do first and better. Might as well just make like an aging rock band and play all the old hits again, secure in the knowledge that what worked then will still work now, even if it lacks the originality and nuance that made it so special to begin with.

To be clear, I have no problem with Tatami Time Machine Blues essentially just being a victory lap reminding you of how great Tatami Galaxy was. Pointless or not, even just existing in this world again is fun enough to justify checking this six-episode OVA out. Where else would I get a visual style this bizarre and expressive, with Shingo Natsume replicating Yuasa’s aesthetics to near perfection? Where else would I get dialogue this layered and verbose and packed full of interesting trivia? Where else would I get the uniquely raucous dynamic between the cynical nameless protagonist, his cackling personal shoulder demon Ozu, and the various stand-out side characters that populate the art-deco streets? There is nothing quite like Tatami Galaxy, not even among Yuasa’s other work. So even if this OVA is just an excuse to revel in the good times again, well, they’re still some damn good times. Just don’t expect anything like a proper continuation, because you’re bound to be disappointed.

Actually, even calling Time Machine Blues a sequel feels inaccurate. We’re still at the same college campus, still going through the motions as if it’s just any other go round the time loop- and indeed, the final episode quasi-canonizes this show as just one more revolution through Watashi’s failed attempts at reaching a rose-colored college life. No, it would be more accurate to descibe Time Machine Blues as a simplified retread. It’s got all the same characters, all the same themes, a just-different-enough use of time travel (as the title implies, this plot is all about time machine shenanigans and trying not to destroy the universe with a time paradox), and ultimately comes to the same basic conclusion as its predecessor. Watching this show feels very much like someone took Tatami Galaxy and simplified it for a lower reading level, as it were. You know how a lot of works of classic literature like, say, Great Expectations have graphic novel versions made of them to make them more easily digestible to younger readers? Like, maybe you’re not ready to tackle such a dense, wordy novel on its own terms, but you can still experience the story through comic form and get most of the point? That’s what Time Machine Blues reminds me of more than anything. It’s Tatami Galaxy for audiences who feel like Tatami Galaxy is too complicated and want a version of the story that doesn’t demand so much brainpower trying to keep up with it.

And again, I don’t mean this as a criticism! There’s plenty of value in making challenging works more easily accessible to everyone. But if you are someone who’s comfortable meeting Tatami Galaxy on its own footing, then this reader’s digest version is going to feel lacking by comparison. The time machine antics are fun, but they pale in comparison to the original’s thematically brilliant time loop structure. The ultimate conclusion is fine, but it lacks the sheer catharsis of the original’s beautiful climax. Even the animation, as near-flawlessly as Natsume recreates the series style, doesn’t hit quite the same imaginative heights as Yuasa was able to reach. Which is a severe nitpick, I’m aware, but why settle for a strong A when you could have an outright flawless A+? As art, as entertainment, as a statement on the importance of making the most of your life and not waiting for someone to work things out for you, Tatami Time Machine Blues is perfectly fine on its own terms, but just a little bit weaker and more superfluous than what came before it. The only thing it really adds, instead of just repeating, is that Akashi gets a little more personality as a deadpan scatterbrain who’s intellect tends to outstrip her common sense. Which I did like: Akashi and Watashi’s romance was always the weakest part of the Tatami universe, so making her character more interesting is a very welcome addition. But it’s ultimately a drop in the ocean of a show that’s otherwise a perfect example of the “everything the same, but worse” school of sequel writing.

You know what, though? At the end of the day, all that really matters is if I had fun or not. And for all my complaints, I absolutely had fun with Time Machine Blues. It’s little more than a victory lap, but it’s a well-deserved lap, and one that still mostly captures all the things that made Tatami Galaxy so entertaining, if not what made it exceptional. And maybe someday, if I feel like re-experiencing this kooky world but don’t have much brainpower to spare, this show will be just the low-carb alternative I’m looking for. But until then, I give Time Machine Blues a score of:

7/10

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #tatami time machine blues #yojouhan time machine blues #the tatami galaxy #tatami galaxy #yojouhan shinwa taikei

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impalementation · 4 years ago

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spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 3

part 1: “When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons

part 2: “Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id

“Something effulgent”: Season five and the construction of Spike the romantic

Prior to becoming a romantic interest, Spike is everything I discussed in the last section. He is an id and a mirror for Buffy, he’s prone to both romantic exaggeration and cutting realism, and his liminality suggests ambiguity. But outside of “Lovers Walk”, the writing doesn’t actually delve too deeply into Spike’s nature as a romantic. If you stopped the canon at “Restless”, you’d probably think that Spike’s love for Drusilla was intriguing, but that the show hadn’t really gone anywhere with the implications of it, and for all you knew, that might not be an important part of his character anymore. So one of the most interesting things about season five to me, is that in this season in which the writers first consciously, deliberately decide to explore the sexual and romantic tension between Spike and Buffy, they also emphasize Spike’s romanticism more than ever. The choice to define Spike by his romanticism is a choice that follows naturally from everything established about his character, but it was also not an inevitable choice. Therefore, it’s a choice worth looking at in some detail.

Consider everything that “Fool For Love” establishes about Spike, especially the things that contradict what was supposedly canon at the time. It makes Drusilla his sire instead of Angel, meaning that he is sired by a romantic connection, and as a direct result of heartbreak. It makes him a poet living in the middle of the Victorian era, an age at odds with his previous ages of “barely 200” and “126”. Meaning that the writing specifically decides to ignore its canon in order to associate him with an era in which passions would have been repressed (rather than the Romantic era of the early 1800’s or the modern energy of the early 1900’s). Moreover, the episode reveals his entire aesthetic and personality to essentially be a construct. But most tellingly of all, it reveals him to be an idealist. Spike is not just a performance artist; he yearns for the “effulgent”, for something “glowing and glistening” that the “vulgarians” of the world don’t understand. In other words, he yearns for something bigger and more beautiful than life: something romantic. Later, he chases after “death, glory, and sod all else.” Spike may be a “fool for love”, who has a romantic view of romantic love specifically, but the episode is very clear about the fact that he is also a romantic more generally. When Drusilla turns him, she doesn’t tempt him by telling him she’ll love him forever. She tempts him by offering him “something…effulgent”. (Which, in typical Spike form, the episode immediately undercuts by having him say “ow” instead of swooning romantically). The fact that “Fool For Love”, Spike’s major backstory episode, is so determined to paint him as a romantic--and in particular, a disappointed, frustrated romantic--that it is willing to contradict canon to do so, tells you that this choice was important for framing Spike and his new, ongoing thematic role.

I’ve talked in the past about how season five is all about the tension between the mythical and the mortal--between big, grand, sweeping narratives, and the reality of being human. Buffy is the Slayer, but she’s also just a girl who loses her mother. Dawn is the key, but she’s also just a confused and hormonal fourteen-year-old. Willow is a powerful witch, but she also just wants her girlfriend to be okay. Glory is a god, but she’s also a human man named Ben, and finds herself increasingly weakened by his emotions. And Spike embodies this tension perfectly. He’s a soulless vampire with a lifetime of bloodshed behind him, but he’s also this silly, human man who wants to love and be loved. He wants big, grand things, but every time they are frustrated by a Victorian society, a rejection, a chip, a pratfall, or dying with an “ow”. Furthermore, his season five storyline is all about the tension between loving in an exalted, yet often selfish way, versus loving in a “real” or selfless way.

There was a fascinating piece a ways back that discussed how Spike’s attempts to woo Buffy in season five almost perfectly match the romantic narratives of Courtly Love. In the words of the author:

The term "Courtly Love" is used to describe a certain kind of relationship common in romantic medieval literature. The Knight/Lover finds himself desperately and piteously enamored of a divinely beautiful but unobtainable woman. After a period of distressed introspection, he offers himself as her faithful servant and goes forth to perform brave deeds in her honor. His desire to impress her and to be found worthy of her gradually transforms and ennobles him; his sufferings -- inner turmoil, doubts as to the lady's care of him, as well as physical travails -- ultimately lends him wisdom, patience, and virtue and his acts themselves worldly renown.

You can see for yourself how well that description fits Spike’s arc. He fixates on the torturous, abject nature of his love, and has it in his head that he can perform deeds and demonstrate virtue, and this will prove to Buffy that he is worthy of her. But despite Spike’s gradual ennobling over the course of the season, I think it would be a mistake to see the season as using the Courtly Love narrative uncritically, or even just ironically. The same way it would be a mistake to see season two as using the Gothic uncritically. Spike is as much Don Quixote as he is Lancelot. He is a character that deliberately tries to act out romantic tropes, giving the writing an opportunity to satirize those tropes, including the tropes of chivalric romance. In particular, the writing criticizes Spike’s (very chivalric) fixation on love as a personal agony, something that is more about pain--and specifically, his pain--than building a real relationship. Over and over in season five, he is forced to abandon these sorts of flattering romantic mindsets in favor of a more complicated reality.

So at first, Spike’s “deeds” tend to be shallow and vaguely transactional. He tries to help Buffy in “Checkpoint” even though she doesn’t want it (and insults her when she doesn’t appreciate it), he asks “what the hell does it take?” when Buffy is unimpressed by him not feeding on “bleeding disaster victims” in “Triangle”, he rants bitterly at a mannequin when Buffy fails to be grateful to him for taking her to Riley in “Into the Woods”, and he is angry and confused when Buffy is unmoved by his offer to stake Drusilla in “Crush”. While these attempts to symbolically reject his evilness are startling for a soulless vampire, and although Spike certainly feels like he is fundamentally altering himself for Buffy’s sake, none of it is based on understanding or supporting Buffy in a way that she would actually find substantial. Moreover, he lashes out when his gestures fail to win her attention or affection. He has an idea in his head of how their romantic scenes should play out, and reacts petulantly when reality fails to live up to it.

But these incidents of self-interested narrativizing are also continuously contrasted with scenes in which Spike reacts with real generosity, or is surprised when he realizes he’s touched something emotionally genuine. When Buffy seeks him out in “Checkpoint”, his mannerisms instantly change when he realizes she actually needs real help (“You’re the only one strong enough to protect them”), rather than the performed help he offered at the beginning of the episode. At the end of “Fool For Love” he’s struck dumb by Buffy’s grief, and his antagonistic posturing all evening melts away. He abandons his romantic vision of their erotic, life-and-death rivalry in favor of real, awkward emotional intimacy. In “Forever” he tries to anonymously leave flowers for Joyce, and reacts angrily when he’s denied—but this time not because he wanted something from Buffy. Simply because he wanted to do something meaningful.

This contradictory behavior comes to a head in “Intervention”, the episode in which Spike finally begins to understand the difference between real and transactional generosity. Up until that point, Spike has been reacting both selfishly and unselfishly, but he hasn’t been able to truly distinguish between them, which is why he keeps repeating the same mistakes. Although he touches something real at the end of “Fool For Love”, for instance, he goes on to rifle through Buffy’s intimates in the very next episode. And so “Intervention” has Spike go to extremes of fakeness and reality. He gives up on having the real Buffy, and seeks out an artificial substitute that lets him live out his cheesiest romance novel scripts. It’s important that the Buffybot isn’t just a sexbot, even if he does have sex with her. She’s a bot he plays out romantic scenarios with the way he played them with Harmony in “Crush”, allowing him to almost literally live within a fiction. But then he “gives up” on having Buffy in a way that’s actually real, by offering up his life. He lets himself be tortured, and potentially killed, for no other reason than that to do otherwise would cause Buffy pain. The focus is on her pain, not his. For the first time, he acts like the Knight he’s been trying to be all along. He performs a grand, heroic deed that causes the object of his affection to see him in a different light, and even grant him a kiss. Yet ironically, as part of learning the difference between real and fake, he ceases to press for Buffy’s reciprocation. Through the end of season five, Spike continues to act the selfless Knight, assisting Buffy in her heroism without asking for anything in return. Which culminates in his declaration that he knows Buffy “will never love him”, even after he’s promised her the deed of protecting Dawn, and even though she allows a kind of intimacy by letting him back in her house. He proves that he sees those gestures for what they are, rather than in a transactional light. The irony of the way Spike fulfills the narrative of chivalric romance, is that his ennobling involves letting aspects of that narrative go.

In a Courtly Love narrative, the object of the Knight’s affection is fundamentally pedestalized. The Knight himself might be flawed, but the woman he pines after is not. She is “divinely beautiful” and “unobtainable”, something above him and almost more than human. This is why it’s so comic that in Don Quixote, which was a direct satire of chivalric romance, Alonso Quixano’s “lady love” is a vulgar peasant farmgirl who has no idea who he is. (Think of the way Spike asks if Buffy is tough in “School Hard” or threatens to “take her apart” despite “how brilliant she is” in “The Initiative”, followed by scenes where Buffy is acting like the teenage girl she is. Or how Giles in “Checkpoint” says that Buffy has “acquired a remarkable focus” before cutting to Buffy yawning.). Although it’s true that Buffy is beautiful, and supernatural, and profoundly moral, she is also very human, and the writing is very concerned with that humanity. Season five in particular, as I’ve mentioned, is preoccupied with the duality of Buffy’s mythic and mortal nature. Thus it becomes significant that Buffy is assigned such a heightened role in Spike’s chivalric narrative. Just Spike is at once Lancelot and Don Quixote, Buffy is at once Achilles, Dulcinea, and a coming-of-age protagonist.

And part of the “lesson” of Spike’s arc is for him to see both sides of the roles they embody. One of my favorite things about the scene in Buffy’s house in “The Gift” is how adroitly it conveys the dualities of both Buffy and Spike with simple, but poetic imagery and language. Buffy stands above Spike on her steps, conveying her elevated role, and Spike honors the way her heroic status has inspired him by physically looking up to her as he explains that he expects nothing from her. But by expecting nothing from her, and promising to protect her sister, he also honors the fact that she is a real person with no obligation to him, and a younger sister she cares about more than anything. He also honors his own duality by at once making Knightly promises, and acknowledging that he sees through his former delusions: “I know that I’m a monster, but you treat me like a man.” In “Fool For Love” he tried to acknowledge the same duality of realism and romance, by declaring to Cecily that “I know I’m a bad poet, but I’m a good man.” But at the time, he was an innocent, whose desire to be seen, and whose romantic avoidance of “dark, ugly things”, left him unprepared to understand how Cecily really saw him (similar to Spike’s insistence in “Crush” that what he and Buffy have “isn’t pretty, but it’s real” just before Buffy locks him out). Spike is a character defined simultaneously by continuous disillusionment and dogged aspiration, which is why he makes perfect sense as a character to embody a season torn between the pain of being human, and the wonder of the gift of love.

Fittingly, the season ends with Spike’s most devastating loss of innocence of all. He fails to be the hero for Buffy or Dawn (note that Knightly language he uses on the tower: “I made a promise to a lady”), and he loses the woman he loves. He may have become more virtuous, but unlike in a chivalric romance, that virtue wins him neither Buffy, nor something flattering like “world reknown.” The climax of the “The Gift” is full of romance—a god, a troll hammer, a damsel on a tower, a heroic self-sacrifice, a vampire transformed into a Knight—but the end result is that Buffy is dead, in part because he wasn’t good enough, and all that he and the Scoobies can do is grieve. Stories got Spike nothing, even when reality finally lived up to them. It is a swan song to the myths of childhood, and on the other side of Glory’s portal, Spike and the other characters will have to confront a world where those myths have been left behind.

part 4: “But I can’t fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason.”: Buffy and Spike as a blended self

#romanticism series #s5 #gen #buffy #spike #this section is deliberately focused on spike's arc #but not to worry #the next one focuses on buffy's side of things and the role of spike's arc in supporting buffy's in the last three seasons #they just needed their own sections to breathe #btvs

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flowerflamestars · 3 years ago

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How does Elain go from having to take a shot to be around Nesta at her lowest, siding with her abusers and telling Nesta she disregards her trauma while simultaneously doing the same thing (which btw pissed me off so bad, like Nesta didn't spend most of Acowar worrying about her) to her following Nesta to her Court? I did wonder if Feyre and her ever felt jealous about Nesta's bond with thr Valkyries, because at the end of the day, they are the people Nesta chose

God, I hate canon.

The short answer is that like so much of the Extremely Nonsense characterization in acosf, is that I'm overwriting it. I'm throwing it out.

The idea that Elain and Nesta's everything, when so much of their experience presents them as pair, a team, could be ONE-SIDED is just....enormously bad writing?

They're friends. They're each other's entire stable lifeline from their early teens on and that's Hard and Complicated but also so, so important.

The even longer answer is that the Elain is Bitchy but We Applaud conversation in acosf does not happen in Your Heart. She's complicit the pure trash intervention - which her and Nesta talk about! Elain made bad choices between panic and disassociation! Neither of them had the tools to help themselves, much less each other! ELAIN APOLOGIZES-

Because.

Because she didn't know.

Not the extent and not the whole shape of what was happening. It is in Rhysand's best interest to keep the Mega Powerful sisters a) down for the count and b) under complete control and it shows.

Separate, they're easier to handle. Manipulate. Keep in a way that pleases Feyre, but ALSO does not effect a very careful status quo.

Elain can deny a lot, busy right on the edge of breaking, keeping her hands busy while her heart is numb, while her mind is something she can't trust and it afraid of- but ultimately, even Elain snaps.

It’s exceptionally long coming. She misses Nesta. She knows she fucked up- Elain thinks everything she does at this point is fucking up- she knows she has no idea how to help- she knows Nesta has people who are helping-

But. Elain is her sister.

And I reject the idea that she has none of the Archeron stubbornness because she likes flowers.

Elain is trying to figure her shit out so that she can even face Nesta...and then Nesta is gone. Nesta is gone and NO ONE will tell Elain where she is. No one even seems worried, except for Azriel. Cassian is supposed to love her- if anything Feyre says is true- and he’s more busy cursing her name and destroying shit.

Elain’s sister is gone, could be in danger, and the IC vibe is...good riddance?

And then one day, over breakfast, Rhysand makes a joke about it. And Feyre laughs.

About Nesta dying out there.

Elain learned to be ‘nice’ because it gave her social lassitude, to smile at the right times and be quiet- Elain doesn’t say anything. She eats her breakfast. She grimaces down her shitty tea, because this house only ever serves Feyre’s favorites.

She goes upstairs and tries to see the future.

Elain’s magic is like a second self, feared and misunderstood inside her. A fugue state- but she writes herself notes. She doesn’t necessarily read them- Elain is afraid of what she sees, afraid of what the future might have to say about her- and Seer! Elain hides things.

(See the note Lucien references in chapter 1)

Because cognizant Elain is not stupid- she’s almost never allowed to be alone. There’s always Azriel. The wraths. Rhysand down the hallway.

But shoved in books and written in the same code they used to use as adolescents to talk about their governess, Elain had written about Nesta.

Nesta, alive. Nesta, free. Nesta, braver and stronger than Elain, who’d cast off a whole unfit destiny rather than hide.

And Elain is furious.

Feyre, dying. Nesta, threatened with death. Her mate, who Feyre won’t stop trying throwing her at- who is already married to someone else. Several someones else.

The future was not set, and the Night Court wasn’t safe.

Elain walks right out the front door. Goes to the garment district, lace of a gown she didn’t choose flapping around her, and buys a dress. Red- like blood, half-dried. Vanserra scarlet, realer than her dreams.

And when Morrigan finds her, muttering under her breath about babysitting, Elain will smile her most vacant smile and float along, allow herself to be brought back to Feyre’s huge, cold, house.

There was time to wait, but it wasn’t too late, and Elain wasn’t about to let there be a world where Nesta thinks she hates her.

#much like how I refuse to write Nesta as an apologist to her Shit Shit Shit Father #I also refuse to write Elain hating her #the girl power! you baby me talk?#could have been good #BUT WASN'T #Elain IS a mess and she knows it and that makes the spiral worse?#because Elain was raised To Always have it together #and she's having a magic crisis #and a lil sexuality crisis #and a BIG #WOW I HATE EVERYTHING HERE INCLUDING MYSELF crisis

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erosia-rhodes · 4 years ago

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Top 9 Newbie thoughts on Supernatural after Six Months of Madness

I started watching Supernatural a week before the series finale, and full disclosure, it was only because I heard about the gay angel. I loved me some Good Omens, so I decided to check out a series my only previous thoughts about had been, "Is that show still on?" In the past six months, I've watched about fifty percent of the episodes scattered across all fifteen seasons. I've also spent time following the bonkers-in-the-best-way fandom on Tumblr, and here is what I have learned:

1) Everyone who loves Supernatural also hates Supernatural

No one is capable of praising this show without also trashing it. Supernatural is as awful as it is awesome. Watching Supernatural is like hate-fucking your nemesis against a wall; you're totally conflicted about it, but it's enormously pleasurable and you know you're going to do it over and over again. No one has a pure, untainted love for this show. They only have complicated emotions. This is because…

2) The fact that the show needs to be fixed is an essential part of its appeal

Strangely, if this show were better, it wouldn't be as popular. If you love a show that is perfect, you watch it once or twice or thrice, make a bunch of memes, and move on with your life two years later when you find something else to hyper-fixate on. If you love a show that's broken, you spend the rest of your life obsessed with fixing it. It's the crooked photo hanging on the wall that yearns to be straightened (because, you know, this show is bad at making things straight). It's the stray dog you know would be adoptable if you fattened it up and socialized it with your other dogs, and just like some people can't stop rescuing animals, Supernatural fans can't stop thinking about how to fix a show that isn't great, but could be with a flea bath and a trip to the groomers. Supernatural fans are not fans of the actual show, but of the show they imagine it could be, one that only exists in an alternate universe. They are in love with the Platonic ideal of Supernatural. That's also the reason why…

3) The fans understand the characters and themes better than 95% of the people who worked on the show

The people who watch Supernatural have thought about it way, way, way, more than anyone who produced it. I have read complex essays about what the color of people's clothing imply and how the state of the Impala reflects the state of Dean's mental health and other things I'm certain this show did not do intentionally. People can find depth in the shallowest aspects of this series. Any random fan could explain the complicated dynamics of the Winchester family and the overriding themes of the series better than most of the people who worked on it. That includes the LGBTQ stuff, which leads to the fact that…

4) The show is simultaneously too gay and not gay enough

On one end of the spectrum are fans who are offended you would dare to suggest one of the Winchesters might like kissing a boy and they'll shove you in a locker and duct tape your butt cheeks together for it. On the other end of the spectrum are fans who think it's odd that every episode doesn't end with two attractive men dry humping in a dark corner of the bunker library. No one is happy with the level of gayness on this show. It's always got too much "No Homo" or too much queer subtext, which is why I've concluded that…

5) The audience this show wanted is not the audience they got and they are resentful of it

The original pitch for this show targeted a male demographic who’s into toxic masculinity in a non-ironic way. It was about bros and beers and muscle cars and shotguns and hot chicks who will be killed to further the man's storyline. However, when making that show, they accidentally created a show that attracted female viewers who liked speculating about the queer subtext of each scene while looking at pretty men with traumatic backstories fight back their man tears. The show depends on the unintended audience segment to survive, but is bitter about it, which they remind you of time and time again by killing the female and non-white characters and toying with endless queer-baiting. It's like the writers got a plane to Rome, ended up in a gay nightclub in Amsterdam instead, and even though the canals and tulips make it a lovely city to visit, they wanted to go to Rome, damnit, and they'll never let you forget it! I also suspect that…

6) The people who made this show were at constant war with each other

This show has such a split personality. Sometimes it leans into the gay stuff and other times it makes fun of it outright. Sometimes they'll introduce an interesting side character that could make the show more diverse and then they'll slaughter that person for practically no reason. Sometimes they praise free will and other times they force people down pre-destined paths. The writers feel like a dysfunctional family stuck at Thanksgiving dinner endlessly squabbling with each other—who then had to write a TV show together over dessert. That's why it's such a weird hot mess. The show's unevenness makes me think that…

7) Some people's attachment to the show can only be explained by the fact that it imprinted on them when they were young

Some fans have mentioned they started watching Supernatural when they were kids. It's a pretty common experience to go back and watch things you loved when you were a kid and realize they were…not so good. Your memories of them are far better than the reality of them, but you cling to them anyway. The shows you watch when you're young imprint on you in a way you never forget. Supernatural fans are like a baby duck who looks up at a cat and assumes it’s their mother. Then that cat slices open their poor little hearts, leaving them wounded but not dead, forever be toyed with in agony. The only relief is that…

8) The fandom is batshit insane in the best way

I started following the Supernatural fandom on Tumblr in November of 2020 and OMG, it was AH-MAZE-ING. It was total insanity. I didn't understand half of what was going on, but it was more fun than a yard full of puppies doing zoomies. People were posting detailed PowerPoint presentations theorizing how the series would end, citing extensive physical evidence like the background in Misha's hotel room. People learned election results through Supernatural memes. Destiel went canon every other week. When the Spanish dub was released, Tumblr literally crashed! Obama's Twitter was following a Destiel account. There was a Twitter wedding for Destiel on Valentine's Day, which made the one-month anniversary on Pi Day.

It's been a ride, y'all. I have no idea how you guys survived fifteen years of this. The fandom has been so much fun that I actually sat down and watched more than 100 hours of this show so I could understand everything better. It's like the show is an extension of the fandom instead of vice versa. If anything sums up Supernatural for me, that's it. It's all about the fandom and the show is secondary to that. It's like the fans willed the show into existence as part of some partially botched spell. And part of that twisted spell is that…

9) The show will never die until someone finds its bones and burns them

This show has been off the air for more than six months now and it keeps trending on Tumblr consistently. Misha recently trended on Twitter simply because he was at the Oscars. That was it! He didn't even do anything there, he just attended, and some people figured it out by the reflection in a photo posted by someone else! And just as I was proofreading this post, Destiel started trending again because John Cena is a stan or something? This fandom is crazy and unpredictable and I love it like Dean loves pie! If there ever does come a time when this show stops trending, that will be the moment when they decide to reboot it or revisit it.

There is a lot more I could say about this show, but these were the elements that seemed most unique and bizarre about it. I wouldn't say Supernatural is a ride-or-die fandom for me, and I have no intention of watching another 100 hours of this series, but it's been hella' fun to drop in for a while. The show is just as much a dysfunctional mess as the Winchester family and I guess that's why people love it, right?

#supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #misha collins #destiel #the cw #tv #television

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wrenhyperfixates · 3 years ago

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Loki Series Thoughts—Glorious Purpose

Ok, I’m always nervous about posting my thoughts, but here we go. Spoilers ahead of course!!! (Disclaimer: Any gifs or images are not mine.)

Let’s start out with the episode’s name: Glorious Purpose. I know some people were a bit miffed about the emphasis put on the line, but I actually thought it worked well. It’s not so much that Loki actually believes in this “purpose,” but rather he is clinging to what he’s been told his purpose is. And by the end of the episode, he’s finally working through some of the things he’s been hurt by, abandoning what he’s been forced into and ready to be who he wants. Granted, it’s still going to take some time for him to come to grips with all that has happened, but I’m excited to see the journey.

The TVA. They undeniably suck. Whether or not it will be addressed directly, they are the (or one of the) antagonists in the show. What they are doing is, frankly, tyrannical. Three “time keepers” have taken it upon themselves to force countless versions of time and people into one single stream. And you know what? They can’t control that timeline. Not like they want to. As much as Loki’s line about “the weak” applies to himself, it applies to the TVA, too. It’s a facade of control that they cling to; if they truly had the right, the ability, to control time, everyone would follow their path. There would be no variants. Now, I could write a whole separate analysis on the MCU’s explanation of time travel. It’s convoluted and in a large way doesn’t make sense.

I’d like to talk about Loki’s characterization. I am, in a word, relieved. From the trailers, Tom seemed to be over-acting, something rather strange for someone so good at conveying deep emotions through nuanced actions. Now I believe any exaggerated lines from the trailers are just Loki trying to separate himself from who he’s been told he is, and trying to reinvent himself. I don’t think that’s a bad thing either; they’re not rewriting Loki, he’s just growing in a new way. And though this way is “new” I think it will be similar to what we’ve seen before. From what we’ve seen so far, there is good continuity, and they are addressing things about Loki that should be addressed in canon.

Loki projects. Most notably in the Avengers, but also a bit in Thor 1 and The Dark World, a lot of Loki’s lines can be applied to himself, though he is talking generally or towards another group. What comes to mind is actually something he touches upon again in the series. The illusion of freedom. And though it is not said that line in particular is him thinking of himself, it can be inferred based on his admission that the line in the gifs above apply to him. Also that little gesture when he says “weak” breaks me. He’s hurting so much.

Loki is not a villain. He may think he’s one because everyone else is telling him that, yet we’re already seeing it brought up that it’s not true. I can only hope that we’ll see Loki state this himself later in the series. He was largely forced to do what he did. It is not his fault, so how can he be a villain?

Loki cares. Tom’s acting is just *chef’s kiss* Seeing his mother’s death hurts so much. I love that his first response is denial. Loki is thrown into something he’s never known about before, being shown things that, to his knowledge, have never happened. But then when he’s had a few seconds to wander around the TVA on his own terms, he’s more come to grips with all that’s going on. So, when he’s by himself and see’s Frigga lying there, dead, it gets to him. Then seeing Odin still call him his son, he feels the slightest glimmer of hope, but also regret; he already knows in the back of his mind that he’s not actually going to get that. Loki’s living from second to second, trying to hold on. He probably thinks this ends with his death. (I do have issues with that Odin scene in context of Ragnarok but that’s more a tangential aside, so I’ll gloss over it for now.) Then seeing Thor and himself acting like brothers again is heartwarming. So just when he’s feeling uplifted, Thanos comes into the picture. He realizes how much control the titan still had over his life; he never really escaped. And in the end, Thanos made good on his promise. And that is terrifying! And he laughs at it. It’s a sad sort of laugh, one that’s slightly crazed. Loki feels that no matter what he does, it ends in pain. By the end of seeing all that, he is a man broken. Rather, more broken than he already was.

Loki is struggling. That’s nothing profound; it’s obvious. But where it really stands out to me is actually in a part I originally thought to be out of character. I am referring to “What if I was a robot and I didn’t know it.” Upon closer inspection, I realize it’s actually that his perception of himself has been so thrown that he really isn’t sure about his own chemical makeup anymore. Odin and Frigga keeping from him that he’s a frost giant made him so unsure of himself, he thought he might not even be a living being.

Nervous tics. Was I the only one noticing his leg bouncing when he talked to Mobius? And what about that scene when he’s sitting on the steps? He begins to pick at his hands. Note, that’s something he did in T1 after finding out he was a frost giant and while confessing to the Warriors Four about how he was the one who told the guard of their trip to Jotunheim. Just a little detail I really appreciated. (If anyone has gifs of any of these things, feel free to share :)

Mobius. I’ll be honest, I’m a bit undecided. I’m hesitant to say he’s evil. After all, we haven’t seen that much of him yet. However, I will say he is unscrupulous and manipulative. His questions weren’t to help Loki work through his trauma. Mobius was trying to goad him into helping, and likely was trying to gauge how much this Loki is like the variant he’s tracking. When Loki makes any admission of his feelings, it’s something he already knew, not a conclusion Mobius helped him reach. Mobius mocks him a bit and pushes his buttons because he sees Loki as a means to an end, and wants to know how easily he can get him to work with him. And what strikes me is how similar Mobius’s deal is to Thor’s deal in TDW. Thor doesn’t offer Loki freedom, he offers revenge. Mobius’s deal is just another variation of this. He can’t offer “salvation” but he can offer something “better”. Working for the TVA really isn’t better, though. So what does he mean? Well, I think he means a chance for Loki to prove he’s a hero. I hope as the show progresses it’s addressed that Loki doesn’t have to prove himself to anyone. That’s what he’s been doing his whole life, but I want Loki to see for himself that he doesn’t have to.

Miss Minutes. Propaganda. Plain and simple, it’s propaganda. Besides the way it praises the “time keepers” as amazing saviors, necessary to keep the world in order, it’s essentially saying “don’t think for yourself.” The whole point of the video is “the time keepers are great. The TVA is flawless. Trust us to decide everything. You have no autonomy in the world we want, so surrender your free will. Submit to the system we’ve decided is perfect and everything will be just fine.” Of course, by “just fine” they mean the variant will be pruned and the timeline will keep going as the time keepers see fit. The animation style was great though! It really fit.

The infinity stones. I think their inclusion makes sense. If you remember from Endgame, the stones being in the right place in the right time keeps the timeline from branching, and thus prevents the multiverse from being created. Likely, the time keepers used the stones to make their “sacred timeline.” Naturally, any variant time stones would cause a problem. That’s why they have so many extras. But think about how pointless so much of what happened seems. Nat, Gamora, Vision, Tony, everyone who was snapped, everyone who was left. So, literally the entire universe was flipped upside down for paperweights. It really puts Thanos’s pursuit of the stones into perspective, doesn’t it?

The cloaked figure. I think there’s some misdirection going on here in one way or another. Mobius says he’s chasing a Loki variant, then immediately it cuts to a scene with the cloaked figure. Our minds are likely to assume that is the variant then. But they don’t actually say it’s Loki, so I’m inclined to believe it’s not. Though, I don’t have enough information to say who I do think it is, I could make a couple of educated guesses and say Mephisto (he certainly interacted with Loki in the comics, plus there’s the stained glass window) or Sylvie. Well, whoever Sophia Di Martino’s character is. I know she was previously listed as Sylvie on sources such as IMDb, but that has since disappeared. But why would you have a “young Sylvie” (Cailey Fleming) without an older version? There is speculation Di Martino’s character will be Lady Loki, but I hope this won’t happen. If they make Lady Loki her own character, I doubt we’ll see Variant Loki get to be fluid. Even if it’s confirmed on the record, it’d be nice to see actually happen beyond a piece of paper. And with twist villains being such a prominent force in modern media, I’m interested to see who our cloaked friend really is.

Time travel. Like I said earlier, this is a lot. But I can’t talk about the episode and not mention this aspect in at least a little more depth. I don’t like how the MCU deals with time travel. I think it’s an unnecessarily complicated mix of a number of different, already complicated theories. However, I think Loki will ultimately escape from the TVA and create a multiverse too difficult to prune (and maybe he’ll actually get to burn the place down too!) This will then tie directly into Doctor Strange 2. Do you guys know what that’s called? The Multiverse of Madness. Actually, in the Miss Minutes propaganda, they almost exactly say “will throw the multiverse into madness.” Will we get to (finally!) see a certain raven-haired god meeting Dr. Strange? And maybe even the Scarlet Witch herself? Well, I’m not sure, but right now I think it’s looking pretty good!

And some random things that didn’t really anywhere else:

Peggy is in the background?! My thought here is that Steve wasn’t supposed to stay with her. This made not only a Variant Steve, but also a Variant Peggy. We may not see Steve, but I bet he’s been taken care of too!! And who knows? Maybe there will be a cameo later. Otherwise, it might be something that was cut from the show, or just a fun easter egg of sorts.

The score was so good! It sets the mood perfectly.

Loki is a good fighter. Even if he’s overpowered, he finds a way.

Some of the humor didn’t land, but that might just be a personal thing.

So now my final thoughts. It’s their strongest pilot yet. So much emotion crammed into less than an hour. A lot of exposition, too, yet it didn’t feel tedious (Endgame I’m looking at you). And then we get to delve into Loki’s psyche, something that really appeals to me! Overall, 9/10. I hope the rest of the series is as good!

Did I miss anything? Was there something you were hoping I’d mention and didn’t? Or do you have something to add or (politely!) disagree with? I’d love to hear it all! Remember, fandom is a safe space to talk about, analyze, and debate about things you enjoy. My ask box is always open with anon on. Reblogs and comments are great too. Thanks!

Me after watching the episode:

#the loki show #the loki show spoilers #the loki series #loki series #loki analysis #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #loki friggason #the loki series spoilers #I know there’s nothing particularly profound here but here you go #*throws thoughts into the void*

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imo-chan-imagines · 4 years ago

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『 As your boyfriend | BNHA Headcanons 』

From the good, to the bad, to the downright adorable.

Characters: female!reader, Aizawa Shouta

Tags/warnings: Boku No Hero Academia (anime), 18+, explicit descriptions of sex, smut, fluff, soft dom Aizawa, relationship, headcanons

⚠️ 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

A/N: Right, so I'm simping for this man biG TIME, but I'm only on season 3, so no spoilers or anything, please. This is my first BNHA post (and it turned out way longer than I was intending 😅) Please let me know if you want more in the future!

Also, I have a repetitive strain injury, so typing stuff is taking a while at the moment. Sorry about that. Thanks for reading! Please enjoy ♡ ~Imo

☆ Aizawa Shouta ☆

I'm not going to lie. Shouta can be a big ol' grouchy pants sometimes, and it's basically impossible to win an argument against him makes you want to tear your hair out, sometimes

But most of the time, he's just tired and in pain, and he doesn't mean to be so crotchety

He's not the type to make excuses, though. That's childish. He means his apologies, even if they're simple

He'll normally initiate an apology by gently wrapping his arms around you from behind and resting his forehead on your shoulder 🥺

Physical contact is incredibly personal and intimate for him. He doesn't just touch anyone, or allow them to touch him

You're special 💞💫

Soft, gentle touches, like his fingers interlacing with yours, or his leg brushing up against you, are basically his way of saying 'I love you'

Catch me crying in the corner, a'ight? 😔

He rarely ever raises his voice. Like, ever he doesn't need to, and is aware that it can be scary

He's definitely the kind of guy to forget to tell people that you're dating, simply because he doesn't see how it's relevant or anyone else's business 🤦‍♀️

I mean, he ain't wrong, but–

And his mood switches between 'antisocial' and 'clingy' like a mechanical metronome did someone say 'cat'?

Sometimes, you'll be lucky if he speaks more than three words to you together in a whole day nothing personal 🤷‍♀️

But on other days, he literally won't let you out of his arms for the world he's complicated, okay?

You have missed many a parcel delivery because he wouldn't let you get up from his lap to answer the door 🙄😂

Boundaries and responsibilities are key and highly respected by Shouta, and he would NEVER erase your quirk without your permission, unless he literally had no other choice like someone's going to get hurt, or something

Is generally quite serious so what's new? but you're one of the few people he can relax around when he feels like it

9/10 of his jokes are dad jokes 😎 hell yeah

Takes a hard stance in financial debates, but is constantly broke af 😶 says he'll buy you dinner and presents you with some instant noodles with a 'Reduced To Clear' sticker on them

Will take a bite of your food/steal some off your plate without asking, and literally say nothing to defend himself #gremlin

Is incredibly shy and uncomfortable about being ~le horny~ until you've been together for literally forever

Even then, he's still shy about it when he has to bring it up and it's pretty cute, let me tell ya

It took him forever to admit to you that he gets turned on when you eat ice lollies

Guess what you do whenever you want to mess with him like a little brat 😛

But if he's in the mood, he will 100% whisper something dirty in your ear, even if you're completely alone and probably well past third base

He does it because he knows your pussy will clamp around him at the sound of his voice 😳🥵

*fans self profusely*

Genuine, unadulterated smiles are rare with Aizawa, but when he does 🙌 Heaven hath opened its gates and allowed an angel walk amongst mere mortals 🥺🤧

If he lays his head on your chest, he will fall asleep like that *snaps fingers*

Surprise nose and forehead kisses to show he loves you ❤

Calls you 'Kitten' this is basically already canon at this point

And he's all about those deep talks with you at 3 am when he can't sleep

Speaking of insomnia!

It's cheesy, but you're like a soothing balm. The warmth of your body makes him feel safe, your touch helps him relax, and your voice soothes him to sleep

He's never slept as well as when you're beside him 😭🤧

When cuddling, he likes to be the big spoon but will accept being the little spoon if you if you press your boobs against his back and ask really nicely 🤭

And he loves you stroking his hair and running your fingers through it 🥺

Netlix nights and pillow/blanket forts!!

Rainy days are a godsend. Staying inside all day under the blankets, with the soft sound of the rain falling outside and no-one to interrupt you – literal paradise

He makes mean hot cocoas and Irish coffees 😋 I feel like this man lives off Irish coffees 😂🤣

Wears a lot of black and grey sweatpants at home 😗 which highlight the outline of his dick just right, if ya know what I'm sayin' 👀

Doesn't like going out for dates and prefers staying inside and doing stuff together same, honeyy

But if you really like going out, he will somewhat begrudgingly agree to it and get all dressed up for you, just so long as he gets his fair share of home-dates, too 🤗

But if you also don't like going out... the two of you will basically never leave the house, except to get groceries in your pyjamas from the 24-hour convenience store down the road at one in the morning oddly specific, I know, but you get me

And sorry, but I don't make the rules

Well, actually, I do. But shush

We all know that Shouta cleans up *chef's kiss* So when you go somewhere ~fancy~ he always looks so damn fine 😩

But he has very little idea that he's hot he sees himself as a tired, walking dumpster fire🚶‍♂️🔥

Shouta will 100% turn into a crazy cat dude with 15+ cats if you don't stop him I never said you should, though 🙃

And is a 'minimalist texter' – basically, if he can't answer a text with 'yes', 'no,' 'maybe', or 'OK', then he probably won't answer it at all 😭😂

Especially if you try and sext him or send him your nudes while he's at work. He'll probably lecture you when he gets home and depending on just how much you turned him on, he might proceed to teach you a lesson...

But wear his shirt, and just his shirt or his hoodie and he's yours

Heart eyes, motherfucker 😍

And, depending on how you two are feeling that day, you may or may not end up getting dicked down on the nearest semi-flat surface right then and there 👀

But don't misunderstand. This is an incredibly tired man you have here, and his libido actually isn't through the roof sorry, ladies so this kind of thing isn't an everyday occurrence

But when he dicks you down, he dicks you down goooood

Shouta's not big on PDA, but makes up for it in private. We're talking hands and kisses all over your body he leaves nothing unloved 😏

And while he's not big on PDA, he is big on sneaky displays of affection or 'SDA', as I like to call it

Like subtly grabbing your butt for a second, or his hand on your thigh under the table at a dinner etc. especially around other people

But what really gets him going is slowly removing your clothes and taking you fully naked, spreading your legs wide and holding them open he likes the view 😍

He lowkey highkey worships your body 🙏 and will literally not shut up about how fucking pretty you are, and how fucking good it feels inside you his words, not mine 😳

Groans and growls a little when he's getting close/cumming especially when he's being a little rough and likes to cum together, but knows it's not always practical

He tends to be a gentle dom, but can get just a teensy bit 🤏 rough if he's too into it – but nothing outrageous

We're talking rough thrusts and a brutal pace, maybe holding onto you a little too hard and, waaahh, he gets so embarrassed if he leaves bruises

Is also into a little bondage, but again, only light stuff – restraining your wrists with his hands or his tie or his Capturing Weapon 👀 maybe blinding-folding you if you're okay with it

If you're not blindfolded, then I'm afraid he's all about that eye contact

Eating out your pussy? Eye contact. Pounding you into the mattress? Blazing eye contact. Rearranging your guts in front of the mirror? Fucking eye contact

And CONSENT, BABY. THAT'S WHAT HE'S FUCKING INTO 😌🙌💞

But all jokes aside – he's too used to taking without consent with his quirk, that he's kind of paranoid about it comes to sex but it's adorable and sweet, and honestly, still kind of hot

And speaking of eating pussy – goddamn does he like to please you. Like cream to a kitty 😛

Oh, and he just loves it when you suck on his fingers as he's pounding into you 🤤

And he likes to leave love bites in personal, inconspicuous places and sometimes on your neck

He's marking his woman 😌

When he gets suuuper horny, he likes to fuck you from behind, standing upright in front of the mirror. It's a specific kink he has of watching himself stretch you out as the length of his cock disappears inside you...

I can get behind that, lemme tell yaaa

I said he tends to be dominant, but female doms – fear not!

Shouta is quite flexible when it comes down to it and is kind of lazy, lmfao so he definitely has time for laying back, having the control taken away, and having his dick ridden

For him, it's really all about communication and what you're both comfortable with

I will say this, though: sometimes, his cat watches you while you're banging 😅😂

The first time it happened, you freaked out and refused to continue because – how could you??? But eventually, you just kind of got used to it 🤷‍♀️

The same way you've got used to it following you to the bathroom every time you go to take a shit 😭

So now, you just kind of laugh about it, which helps keep things a little lighter 🤗

After sex, he does like to snuggle, but you'll be lucky if he stays awake for more than 30 seconds it's one of the few times he actually can sleep well

If you're ever out and about, or even inside, and cold, he'll wrap you up in his clothes/scarf/blanket like a sushi roll like Eren wrapping up Mikasa in his scarf, all deadpan and everything 😐

It's not that often, but when he gets drunk, he gets all soft and emotional, and starts babbling about how he can't believe he got so lucky to be dating you, and that he's sure he hasn't done anything to deserve it mah heart

He's pretty sure he wants kids, but he doesn't feel like now is the right time, and is lowkey afraid that it's never going to feel like the right time

He also constantly doubts himself, wondering if he'd actually able to look after them and protect them the way a father should class 1-A got him second-guessing himself 🥺

Besides, it's not all about him. You clearly have a say in it too, and he doesn't want to force you into anything

Again: communication and comfort zones

Dating Aizawa definitely has its ups and downs, and it's not smooth sailing, but he's prepared to work for a life with you because he's found a connection with you that he hasn't feel with anyone else

He knows that you're both far from perfect, but hopes that, for once, you might just make something good, and make it last 🥰😇

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lochnessies · 3 years ago

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ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad).

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace.

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system.

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society.

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious.

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic.

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place.

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

#i finished this at 1am so sorry if i’m incoherent #mine

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moonlit-imagines · 4 years ago

Text

Heirloom (Part 1)

Din Djarin x Fett!reader

warnings:

a/n: did just a little bit of tweaking to help it fit into canon! (haar’chak = damn it. dinii = lunatic)

prompt: anonymous: “Hi can I request a Mandoxteen!reader where the reader is boba fetts daughter. When boba died they got to keep his helmet and they always bring it with them. The reader usually pickpockets people but this time they got caught and tries to run away but then crashes into din and drops the helmet. Din notice the armor and asks them to hand it over. Then the reader spills about being boba fetts daughter and din’s father instincts just kicks in so he asks if they wanna tag along with him and the child”

part 2

Stranded on Tatooine for about five years, give or take. It wasn’t like it was much of a fun planet. There was sand and...uh, sand people. Things like that.

Your father’s fate was nothing short of devastating for you. You’d always believed that he was invincible, especially with that armor of his. Passed down from your grandfather, a Mandalorian. Jango Fett. Your father didn’t speak of him often, but you could tell that his death had changed his path. After all, he was only ten when it happened. All thanks to those damned Jedi.

And, well, you resented the Jedi just as much after Boba died. One was present when he had been launched into the Sarlacc Pit, leaving you a young orphan on an unfamiliar planet. It took some time, but you’d finally found his Beskar armor in the hands of kleptomaniacal Jawas, and that armor belong to you. Call it a “family heirloom.”

Again, you were stranded here. A foreign planet all on your own. You had no idea how this place was ran or how people acted. That’s why you stuffed your father’s armor into your bag. It would be nothing but a literal target on your chest, you needed to play it safe. Get your bearings before you showed the inhabitants of this planet who you really were.

Over the past five years, it’s been mostly pickpocketing to get by. Sure, bounty hunting is in your blood, but there aren’t too many bounties to pick up on when you’re standing on a planet of sand and sorrow.

You slithered through a crowded area near a cantina and began swiping all that you could. Currency or valuables or food, who cares? It’s all worth something to you.

But your fingers weren’t as agile as you thought, you discovered this when a local took you by the wrist with two of his four arms.

“Going somewhere, kid?” His grip grew tighter as you reached for your blaster and let one loose in the sky, causing a panic that gave you just enough time to free yourself up and make a run for it. Wasn’t long before you heard, “Get that little kreetle!” Seems like you’d have an entourage in just a few moments.

“Di’kut.” You groaned to yourself, looking away from your path for a second too long. Your skull smacked straight into the Beskar armor of one Mandalorian. You tumbled back and fell to the ground behind-first, causing your bag to bust open and releasing its contents. This included a helmet similar to Mando’s own.

“You’re a Mandalorian?” You stammered, trying to gather your things, “I’ve never met another before.” When you looked back up at the glaring sun, you noticed a blaster barrel pointed towards your chest.

“That armor belongs to my people, where did you get it?” He demanded, catching you off-guard. Before you could get an answer out, an odd creature poked its head from his satchel and pointed towards the advancing crowd.

“I gotta get out of here.” You scrambled to your feet and tried to run past him, but he wasn’t in the best of moods, it seemed.

“Not until I get that armor.” You switched your gaze between the angry mob and the man with a strong grip on your arm. What to do, what to do?

“Haar’chak, we haven’t got all day. Just...follow me!” You pulled against his grip and felt the tension ease once he followed you, but now that you were on your way out of the area, blaster bolts came flying your way. It was a good thing you’d now had a human shield, huh? You refused to look back this time, you knew that the Mandalorian would take care of it himself.

After cutting a few corners, you were able to throw them off your trail. A lot of good that did you now that this Mandalorian was focused right back on you.

“Can you put that thing down, dinii?” You requested and noticed a tilt of his head as he lowered his weapon.

“Wait...you know Mando’a?” His voice sounded uneasy. So far, everything he’d learned about you pointed to you being...like him.

“Not much,” you leaned against the wall of an empty alley, sliding down the rough outer walls, “my father only really taught me insults. That’s his stuff, by the way.” You rummaged through your bag to pull out a canteen of water, only a few drops left. “Maybe if you’d given me a chance before threatening me, we’d be best friends by now.”

“Your father was Mandalorian? What happened to him?” Mando kneeled down and let his companion out for a moment, let him stretch his legs.

“You sure do ask a lot of questions.” You told him, smiling at the little alien who climbed on your lap. “This guy got a name?” You asked.

“The Child.” The little one reached out to touch your face as you laughed.

“Ah, I should’ve known. My apologies.” You joked, letting him go about his business. “And my grandfather was a Mandalorian. He died when my father was ten or so.” You explained. “My father...it’s complicated, but he also died when I was about ten years old. Eaten by the mighty Sarlacc when Jedi was on the menu.”

“And you don’t wear it?” God, these questions were starting to strike a chord with you. You hadn’t thought about the past in a while and you didn’t want to start now. But when you looked at this Mandalorian who looked so familiar, it was almost comforting. It was one thing to stare at empty armor, but to see someone wearing it?

“You think I want to attract all that attention? I’m sure you know what I mean.” You paid your attention back to the little one smiling wide at you while holding onto your fingers. You bouced his arms from side to side to see him dance and even let out a sweet little laugh.

“You were running from the locals, why?” You rolled your eyes at him, it was time he figured things out for himself. You hadn’t talked to anyone for this long in years, you were already worn out. “Are you a thief?”

“Why, yes, Mandalorian, I am. There’s not much else to do here, I’m afraid.” If your agitated tone didn’t give it away, the tears in your eyes did. He fell silent for a moment and watched the Child gaze up to him. “Can’t help that I’m stranded on a sand planet.” You muttered to yourself.

“I’m looking for other Mandalorians.” He informed you. “Are you interested in joining me?”

—————

As you rode off through the dunes of Tatooine, a mysterious figure watched from afar. You paid no mind to him, as this planet was filled with peculiar and dangerous people, but he wasn’t as strange as you’d think.

“I’ll see you again one day, my child.”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @lotsoffandomrecs // @captainshazamerica // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @gabile18 //

#the mandalorian imagine #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian #mando imagine #mando #mando x reader #fett!reader #mando x fett!reader #star wars #star wars x reader #star wars imagine #din djarin imagine #din djarin x reader #din djarin #din djarin x fett!reader

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rein-ette · 3 years ago

Note

Are you still working on your Commonwealth study? Do you have any thoughts on Arthur's relationships with his colonies apart from Canzuk + US?

Not properly, unfortunately with exams and then work I haven’t had mental/emotional capacity to do real research (and probably won’t for a while 😔). But I have continued to think about and develop certain relationships, and I think I also have old hcs I’ve never shared, so I’ll put those down!

Born into the Empire

Australia

@oumaheroes has already done such great hcs on him idk what I can add, but basically he was a little bit of a rowdy child, always breaking windows and shattering fancy pots, never able to sit still. I think rainbow once mentioned that Ken (short for Kenneth, my name for Aus) was a lot like England as a child in his curiosity and energy, and I wholeheartedly agree. But I think Arthur’s intensity was more inwardly directed, pushing him to pursue and master new talents and learn whatever he could, while Australia is a little more carefree in his love for the outdoors, exploring, jumping around and off things, little wild animals. Unfortunately for him, he was born in a period of the empire when Arthur was very serious about his kids education, and therefore often praised those who studied hard and learned fast, which really just wasn’t Australia’s cup of tea. Australia took this kinda hard and thought he was the “dumb” one in the family that Arthur was always scolding, but in reality Arthur knew and appreciated that Australias interests lay elsewhere — he was just a frustrated, tired, parent who really wanted to give his kids the best while also holding his empire together, two goals that were never going to fit well in the end and would completely exhaust him.

As Australia’s grown older he’s realized a bit of this (not entirely, though) and also that 1) he really did break a lot expensive things and cause general mayhem 2) scolding us Arthur’s way of showing he cares, if he didn’t he wouldn’t have payed attention to him at all 3) despite being a penal colony, he was still one of Arthur’s more “legitimate” children (being white and a boy) and was therefore still incredibly privileged — never having to question, for example, why it was that Arthur was his dad, if it should be this way, or if he had a seat at the family table at all (more on this later).

New Zealand

Zee, from birth, was a clear favourite. Obedient, calm, quietly intelligent, he would also later develop a blistering sense of humour which combined with his appearance made it overwhelmingly clear who’s child he was. If Ken questioned his place in the family because of his poor academic record and others did because of their appearance/race/other complications, Kaelan never had such problems; his siblings called him the “prince.” Zee, however, also had a charm that, like Matthew, endeared him to his siblings and mostly protected him from jealousy, though he certainly still had issues with being called a try hard, daddy’s boy, bossy, arrogant. Certainly as a child Zee was a little prideful and, under that unperturbed demeanour, willful, but he grew out of it by the 20th century and became one of those most trusted by Arthur, second only to Matthew. He’s also always been inseparable from his brother Australia despite their differences, and today they both have one of the healthiest and most amicable relationships with Arthur of any nation, let alone former colonies (family road trips, every summer).

Bermuda

I absolute fell in love with this girl after reading about here, once, in this fic by @shachaai, and after that my mind just ran away with me. For me, her human name given to her by Arthur just has to be Ariel — for the little mermaid reference, yes, symbolizing her connection to the sea and stunning good looks, but also because:

1. Ariel is a biblical name, meaning lion of God. This makes sense to me, because Bermuda began as a Portuguese trade post, so Arthur definitely consulted our resident bad catholic Port before naming her.

2. Ariel used to be boys name. This also makes sense, because I hc Bermuda was and still is a tomboy. Bitch is fierce, takes no prisoners, and has zero filter. Her letters to Arthur, which all the colonies sent so Arthur could keep an eye on things, were full of shit like “I swear to god if the Spanish don’t get out of my waters I might eat one of them,” and “father, I asked you for destroyers two months ago, and yet you sent them to Hong Kong — could you explain this most unusual occurrence, surely it’s not that you forgot”, and “thank you for the harpoon on my birthday, I caught a small shark a couple days ago and have sent you some of its teeth for your collection.” Arthur tolerates this attitude because he’s weak when it comes to girls; he absolutely spoils his daughters (and flushes like a 16 year old when a woman so much as bats her eyelashes at him). Yes, p*ssywhipped Arthur is a hill I will die on.

3. It also suits her because? Ariel? Shakespeare? The Tempest? Bermuda Triangle? Shipwrecks? Daughter-like figure of powerful and vengeful sorcerer? Yeah. And this girl is a fire spirit — she is so lively, snarky, clever. As she’s grown older she’s mellowed out a little, but still: a no shit taken, no fucks given type of gal.

4. Speaking of growing up, she’s also become quite the beauty. Shacha, if I’m remembering correctly, described her as dark skinned, wavy-haired, and green eyed and that image has been burned onto the back of my eyelids ever since. Those Iberian genetics really be pulling through for her, that’s for sure. Engport love child if I’ve ever seen one. Definitely one of the prettiest in her family.

Singapore

I’ve already mentioned this to needcake, but I’m not too big a fan of canon Singapore, so this is my oc version. Singapore is fascinating to me because it had only a very small local population before it became a colony (The original settlement had actually been destroyed by the Portuguese about two centuries before the British started building a port there.) So nation-tans like Singapore and Bermuda really are Arthur’s children in the most direct sense of the word. And yet, Singapore is mostly ethnically Chinese, with Malays being the second largest group. Growing up Asian in a white, Victorian era family surely cannot have been easy and more than once Singapore probably wondered if there hadn’t been some mistake. To make up for the constant fear that he wasn’t “really” British, Singapore studied ferociously and had a truly terrifying work ethic. I’m not sure if this is common knowledge outside Asian circles, so I’ll mention that this hc comes from the fact Singapore is well known for having truly exceptional students and some of the most prestigious schools. Singaporeans score highly in literally everything and they have an advantage with good English learning environments, a highly desirable trait in Asia, but these results come from brutally long hours — and its really saying something that they’re known for working hard, considering the studying ethic of students in Korea, Japan, and China aint nothing to sneeze at, either. To me this actually fits really well with Singapore’s upbringing in Arthur’s household, because Arthur himself prizes intelligence and hard work above all else, being a workaholic himself.

As for their relationship, it was probably the best when Singapore was young and peaked in the 1930s with the massive naval base the British built at Singapore, at the time the largest dry dock in the world. Singapore was a well-behaved child, not necessarily introverted but not rowdy either, and all the way into his teenage years he truly admired Arthur and was proud to be a part of the British Empire, despite his lingering unease and insecurities. The British defeat in World War II, however, was a massive turning point. He had worked his ass off to be a good son, a good brother, to contribute to the only family and system he had ever known, and he had thought by the 30s he was finally on his way to becoming a fine adult. And suddenly, the British surrender brings his entire world crashing down. He had followed the rules faithfully thinking it was his destiny, but suddenly it was clear that all rules were made up. Of course, his insecurities exploded. If the empire was a ruse, what the hell was he? A part of the illusion? He couldn’t have a truly Asian identity, because many of the old East Asian nations shunned him for his Western upbringing, and he could not entirely understand their values either. So he was a kid who kinda had to figure out late and very very suddenly who the fuck he was and wanted to be.

And, well, he’s done pretty well for himself, hasn’t he. After having a total crisis and questioning everything, I think Singapore slowly started to realize that just because the British Empire as a political entity didn’t last forever, that didn’t mean that his entire childhood and identity weren’t real. The love he gave to his siblings and the love he got back, the hard work he put in, his bond with Arthur and the safe, happy childhood he had — those memories and feelings didnt have to be diminished by what came after. Essentially, he learned the lesson all nations have to learn, which is that one needs to be able to discern between duties as a nation and feelings as a human being, and to some extent keep them separate to protect both.

Whoooooo ok I’ll stop there because this turned into a dissertation, sorry. Let me know if there are any specifics u want me to elaborate on or anything I missed, but I’ll leave this here for today :)

#hws england #hws Australia #hws new zealand #oc: hws Bermuda #not gonna tag anymore I’m lazy #fun times with the commonwealth #I probably won’t write so much for all of them I just put it there to remind myself #needcake #ask #my hcs

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