#I figure I'm probably not the only person to do that

[changeling-droneco]

I stopped saying the pledge around 2013? sometime around the Ferguson stuff because thats kinda when i sort of had my "oh!" moment, personally I live in a rather liberal area so this was only problem like once and I just kinda raised an eyebrow and ignored it when it was a problem and didn't get in trouble once.

I'm saying this to know I have a bit of experience when I say that depending on your area, there's a very real chance no one will care, some areas very much will care, but if you are in a place where youre like "i dont think anyone will care but what if they do" and not "i will definitely be singled out" then nine times out of ten you're probably fine. I think the only time an actual teacher cared was a substitute. I'm not saying this to downplay how nervewracking it can be, but to reassure people that it likely won't be as big of a deal as you might think it might be to a lot of schools. The farther left your area or local school is, the safer and more nonchalant people will be about this.

Figure out the vibes of your area before deciding, but do know there's a very real chance nothing will happen at all. That doesn't make it not a good form of subtle protest, just that "everyone stares at you and tells you to stand up" experience is very very region and teacher dependent, if you're in a more red area I'd imagine you'd get a lot more pushback then I did, and if you are in a region like that I'd consider you a lot braver then my sitting for the flag, however I would imagine in a lot of cases, most teachers don't get paid enough to care especially right now good god schools are a mess right now.

Also remember to pick your battles, if you do think you will be in danger from doing this, it's probably not worth it, it's an important statement, but it's also largely symbolic. Safety comes first, you are not bad if you have to stand because your trump dad scares the crap out of you and you don't want your teacher to let him know, let those of us who can sit do it for you.

dear usamerican high schoolers looking for a way to resist fascism: sit through the pledge of allegiance.

no getting up. no looking at the flag.

everyone will be looking at you. you'll be sweating like a fucking hippopotamus. your teacher will sternly tell you to get up. you'll feel stupid and that maybe its not worth it because you're just a kid in a classroom. but I'm here to remind you that there are no real life consequences to detention. there are however real life consequences to resisting a thoughtless performance of nationalism.

[touchme-teezme]

Why Me?

PAIRINGS | collegeboy!yeosang x fab!reader

TAGS | plot with some porn, kissing, fingering, unprotected sex, angsty & high tension dialogues bcs reader and yeosang are in situationship & figuring it out, reader is a player and avoidant, yeosang gets attached too easily. oopsie.

RATING | NSFW 21+ (Minors pls DNI/if it makes you uncomfortable don’t read thx)

SUMMARY | Yeosang realized he had feelings for you at the worst possible moment—now he’s spiralling and needs an outlet. Lucky for you, you’re here. Unlucky for you, it comes with a cost.

AUTHOR’S NOTE | oK this was plot heavy. lowkey in my feelings when i wrote it and i didn’t rlly want smut to be the focal point of all the stories — especially if i didn’t think it fit the members. so we’re trying something new out with yeo’s part. i hope you like it hehe enjoy freaks (complimentary). if you catch any mistakes, no you didn’t. i proofread with vibes not scrutiny.

💌 click here to see my Love Interrupted series masterlist [ot8] — check out the other parts!

inspired by pink matter & bad religion by frank ocean

(frank come home pls i can’t do this anymore.)

Yeosang wasn’t the nosy type—he liked to think he was above that.

Normally, he’d get himself to stop missing you by scrolling through your posts or replaying your story highlights like a perfectly chill (totally not obsessed) person. But today curiosity dragged him into the abyss that was your tagged photos.

And that’s where he saw it. Them.

The two others you were seeing on the side. He’d heard rumours but didn’t believe them until he saw Lee Chan’s hands on your ass as you were hugging him or a selfie where you were a little too close to Choi Yeonjun.

Even he never had a photo with you where your cheeks were squished against each others.

“Relax,” Wooyoung had told him that night he confided in his friend, “It’s normal. They’re probably just on her roster. You guys aren’t exclusive anyway.”

Now, every time he lay flat on his back, staring at a ceiling, his mind went into the same place:

How did you meet them? How long have you been seeing them? Do they know what you like? Or worse—did you touch them the same way you’re touching him right now?

And seriously, how the fuck did you and Yeonjun even meet?

“Yeosang, i’m talking to you.”

“Huh?” His head jerked up at the sound of your voice, only to find you staring up at him from between his legs, mouth hovering just shy of the fabric of his underwear.

His pants were bunched at his ankles, and he was sprawled out with his knees hanging off the bed—one hand casually tucked under his head.

The angle was doing the most to show off how much gym time he and San had clearly been clocking lately.

“I asked if I can—“

“Uh… Y-Yeah, yeah go ahead.”

You sighed, rising from your knees to gracefully mount his body. Straddling him with elegance, you leaned down, your face inches from his clearly preoccupied gaze.

Speaking of gazes, his eyes were your favourite. Your knuckles grazed his birthmark, then you casually swept his hair back.

"What's going on?"

He reacted instantly, closing his eyes and inhaling sharply as he leaned in. You felt his hands glide down your spine, past the hooks of your bra. He shook his head, "Nothing. I'm fine."

"Something’s definitely going on because I was about to suck you off and you haven’t looked at me once.”

Yeosang gently placed his hand on the back of your head and flipped you over, landing you on your side.

He then adjusted himself, kicking off his jeans with a nonchalant flick of his ankle. Scooting closer to your flushed face, his silence was starting to make you a tad more nervous than usual.

“Is everything okay?” You shifted closer to his body.

“I wanted to ask you something, and I need you to be honest.”

“Oh. Sure.” Your eyebrows rose. “But maybe we save the serious talk for after, you know, the fun stuff?” You started trailing your fingers along the faint ridges of his abs.

He grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers with his as he stared down at your joined hands. “Do you…” He trailed off, recalibrating mid-sentence. “How long are we going to keep having fun?”

“Well,” you said, blinking like it was the most obvious answer in the world, “A few rounds, a few hours—though if you do that thing I like, I might have to keep you here a bit longer.”

You leaned in for a kiss, slow and deliberate, your lips skimming his bottom lip. His hand slipped to your ass like muscle memory, but instead of diving in, his brain just had to keep working.

“No, not this,” he mumbled between kisses before pulling away with all the self-control and focus in the world. “I mean… this—as in, us. How much longer are we going to keep this going?”

“Oh.” You paused, your eyes darted between his face and the diminishing gap between your bodies. “I don’t know… as long as we want to?”

His jaw tightened, his expression unreadable.

“Do you not want to anymore?” You asked.

“It’s not that,” he sighed. “I’m starting my internship next semester. I just… I needed to know if I have a reason to turn down that offer in Busan.”

His words hung in the air, and for a moment, all you could hear was the faint hum of the city beyond your creaked window.

“Well,” you said. “I told you…if you want to, you should.”

“So you think I should go?”

“I think you should do whatever makes you happiest.”

“And what if what I want doesn’t make you happy?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and forced a shrug. “It doesn’t matter what I think.”

“But it does. It matters to me.” His voice dipped, tinged with frustration, though his gaze softened into something you hadn’t seen before.

“So… what do you want me to say?” you asked.

“I don’t know,” His voice cracked just enough to make your chest tighten. “That you want me to stay. That this is something important to hold on to or that…” He gestured vaguely to himself, as if it physically pained him. “…that I’m not just someone you fuck when everyone else is busy.”

Oh.

You sighed, sitting up to rake your fingers through your hair while pulling your knees to your chest.

Maybe it was one of the guys you’d been seeing who ran his mouth. Word gets around campus pretty easily when you have mutual friends. It’s also not like you were deliberately hiding it, but you somehow still felt a little ashamed for him to find out.

Yeosang, on the other hand, looked like he’d rather dissolve into thin air. Maybe insecurity had sucker-punched him or he was catching feelings and scared you’d bolt the moment he brought it up.

“I don’t know why I said that,” he muttered, voice soft and far away. “I’m sorry I brought it up.” He shifted to sit next to you, his posture mirroring yours.

“It’s fine,” You tried to sound reassuring, but the weight of his question hung in the air.

You glanced at him, and damn his side profile wasn’t helping you think straight. “So, what is it? You don’t want me seeing anyone else?”

His sharp inhale said it all. “I can’t tell you what to do, but just so you know, I’m not seeing anyone else,” his voice was rough, like he was trying to swallow the words before they came out. “I don’t even want anyone else. I don’t know how you do it, how you can… be with anyone else.”

Yeosang turned to look at you, his eyes searching yours. “I just… I want to know if it could ever be… just me.”

He’d meant it when he swore off relationships — especially after what happened to San, he believed that was more than enough to convince him that relationships weren’t worth it.

But the more he saw you, the more his wishes began to crack. The more he wanted it to be only him you came back to.

“What am I to you?” he asked finally, the question breaking the silence.

You swallowed, searching for words that felt like truth but wouldn’t cut too deep. “You’re…” The answer wavered, unsure even as it left your lips. “You’re someone I care about. A lot.”

You placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned in to kiss him, trying to drown out the conversation in the only way you knew how.

His fingers gripped your hips tightly, grounding you against him, and you felt a flicker of guilt at the way you were avoiding his question but it melted away when you felt his tongue slip in.

When you pulled back, he was breathless and flushed, his chest heaving as if he’d just surfaced from underwater. His hands stayed firmly on your love handles, and his forehead leaned against yours.

“For fuck’s sake…” he muttered, the frustration thick in his voice. He shook his head, running a hand through his hair like that would somehow untangle the mess in his brain. “Why me?”

“Yeosang?”

He realised right then and there, there was no changing your mind.

He snapped back to reality, his grip tightening as his hands slid down to your thighs. In one smooth move, you were on your back and he was settling himself right on top of you.

Yeosang settled between your thighs. He rocked his hips, grinding himself against you, seeking friction and relief as your lips wouldn’t leave his alone.

You cupped the side of his face, looking up at him between breaks of the kiss to slide a gentle slow finger into his mouth for him to suck as he held your stare.

Your other hand pushed away the curtain of hair falling from his face, admiring his bare beauty in your touch.

You liked how he reacted to your touches, how at a single command he kneels, he’d do anything for you if you’d ask — maybe that’s what scared you in return but you’d never tell him that.

You both eventually fell on your sides, not a single word besides the usual moans and gasps of “yes”, “like that”, and yeosang’s personal favourite: “i need you right now.”

Before you knew it, your back faced him and you were both entirely undressed.

He held you tight, pressing his face into the sweet spot where your neck met your shoulder. His lips trailed kisses there as his hands explored your familiar curves. Your hips ground back against him, rubbing your ass over his erection.

His fingers danced across your stomach before slipping lower. You groaned, feeling his fingers open to a ‘V’ to graze the sides of your entrance with light strokes.

His focus on you was primal and hungry as he started circling the your folds in a distinct pattern. He sunk two fingers deep inside your slick clenching heat, earning a breathy whine that was turning him on relentlessly. Your breath was hot against his ear as you watched him work, your inner muscles clenching greedily.

Yeosang knew your body the best out of the others. He always paid attention to your physical reactions to what you really like and what hurt you. After a while, he got the hang of it pretty damn quick.

Between the gentle caresses and firmer strokes, he was driving you higher, teasing you mercilessly—and yet, he hadn’t even gone all the way. But holding out much longer wasn’t an option; the things you were saying were wrecking his focus, leaving his restraint hanging by a thread.

You’re the only one I want.

You make me feel so good.

I want you so bad.

Don’t get him wrong, the sex was great — but even with you naked in his arms, swearing he was the one you wanted, he didn’t feel it. Because desiring him wasn’t the same as making him yours—and you never would.

You held his face behind you, anchoring your hand on the nape of his neck as he pounded into you with his hard throbbing cock into you at an angle that was blurring your vision.

He was eagerly grabbing a handful of your breast, teasing your nipple between his fingers as he sucked onto your neck, whining against your skin.

He pushed your knee higher. Gripping your side like he was holding on for dear life, he thrust into you with the determination, only to pull out slowly, and savouring the moment.

The increasing pace turned your moans into a symphony of pleasure, loud enough to give the neighbors an unsolicited introduction to Yeosang’s name. They might not have seen him, but they sure knew who he was now.

The sound of skin meeting skin, punctuated by the occasional slap of his hand against your ass made you grin.

“Fuck! Yeosang!” You exclaimed.

“I know baby, I know,” he replied, his voice a low, reassuring rumble that sent shivers down your spine.

His focus unwavering. It was as if he had a singular mission: to bring you to the peak of pleasure and join you there.

He eventually sent you over the edge. You bit down on your lip as he showered you with open-mouthed kisses on one side of your face.

“Shit… Yeosang, that was— you felt so fucking good.” You barely caught your breath.

You held his face over your shoulder and he smiled back, feeling your thumb stroke the side of his face before coming in for a rewarding kiss.

Yeosang had it all—looks, charm, the perfect height for you, and you always had a soft spot for the shy types. Sure, his borderline obsession with video games wasn’t exactly your favorite thing, but hey, at least it wasn’t destructive.

Still, no matter how great he was, Yeosang realised the truth you’d never admit: a relationship wasn’t exactly your thing.

Still, his visit to your neighbourhood didn’t end on that note.

After a few rounds of small talk and a necessary bathroom breaks, you were back to your usual routine — with a few new surprises.

It included him kneeling before your parted legs as you sat on the edge of the bed, watching him savour, and lick up your core. It wasn't long before your leg found its way over his shoulder, trembling and quivering as you held onto the back of his head.

Then came the moment when he held your wrists behind your back, taking you from behind. Fucking. Hell. The spanking returned, accompanied by a string of praises in that low voice of his and it turned you on more than anything else he’d ever tried.

You were so caught up in the bliss and pleasure of the moment, reveling in how he truly outdid himself tonight, that you missed two things:

Yeosang had whispered "I love you" at the peak of his final climax.

And this was going to be the last time.

Yeosang was so haunted by the painful realization that if he ever walked away, you wouldn't miss him.

After all, there were plenty of others ready to take his place by your side, as if he were just another face in the crowd.

He knew you were never going to change your mind, even when he was the one on the line.

By the time the sun dipped below the horizon, you were fast asleep. Yeosang watched the steady rise and fall of your bare back, the room quiet except for your soft breathing. The faint jingle of his belt buckle broke the stillness as he slipped into his jeans.

He caught sight of himself in your full-length mirror in the corner, you sound asleep behind him, and all he felt was emptiness. The faint marks on his neck and chest—your handiwork—didn’t even draw the usual smirk.

He slipped his shirt back on and crept out of your place, the same way he’d done countless times before.

Standing on the corner of your street, he pulled out his phone and fired off an email accepting the position. One press of “send”, he raised his arm, hailing a taxi without a second glance back.

A yellow coloured taxi pulled up just as he tucked the phone back into his pocket. He climbed in, saying the name of his street and sinking into his seat, completely worn out.

The driver nodded without saying much from the rearview mirror where a string of beads with a tassel hung. The car pulled away from that street.

He stole another glance at Yeosang, whose watery eyes and faraway stare made it seem like the weight of the world was crushing his shoulders.

“You okay, kid?”

“Yeah,” Yeosang muttered, leaning against the glass. “Just got a lot on my mind.”

His phone buzzed in his jeans pocket, and his gaze dropped to the screen—Wooyoung’s name lighting up, accompanied by that dumb photo he’d set as his own contact picture.

He’d hoped that by the sixth missed call—during the time Yeosang had your arms pinned behind your back—Wooyoung would finally give it a rest.

But if there was one thing everyone knew about Wooyoung, it was that his commitment to annoying his friends was unmatched.

“Fucking finally, where are you?” Wooyoung’s voice came through, loud and chaotic, with the telltale background noise of a busy restaurant.

“Home,” Yeosang lied, voice barely above a mumble and cleared his throat. “Why?”

“Perfect, so you’re close. Everyone’s already here—your roommate, Hwa, the usual. San and Mingi bailed though. Typical. Anyway, you promised you’d show up tonight, so—“

“Yeah, yeah,” Yeosang cut him off, not in the mood for one of Wooyoung’s endless rambles.

Wooyoung, sharp as ever, caught the attitude immediately. “Don’t be a dick. We’ll just see you at the club if you’re gonna take forever.”

“Yeah, sure. Bye.” Yeosang ended the call before Wooyoung could get another word in. He didn’t even flinch when he heard Wooyoung start to curse—cutting him off mid-sentence was the point.

The driver glanced at him as they pulled to a stop at a red light, an eyebrow quirking in silent judgment. “A lot going on, huh?”

Yeosang’s eyes stayed fixed on the city lights, streaking and blurring as they sped past. “You have no idea.”

The driver shrugged, settling back into his seat. “Well, it’s a long drive to where you’re headed. I’ve got time.”

[judasisgayriot]

truly the amount of unhinged things they say in that 2007 kerrang interview CANNOT be overstated. Just a SELECTION:

PATRICK: "One of my favourite compliments that I ever get, is, 'Oh yeah, fuck Pete, you're the thing, you're the star. I'm like, 'Dude. That's my best friend. What the fuck are you talking about? That's not a compliment to me. That offends me. You just put him down'. I think people really love controversy and would really love to see me be jealous of him, but I'm not. I'm proud of him.

And I have plenty of my glory too and Pete's proud of me"

PATRICK: “I could not see this dude for six months and know exactly what he's thinking and I think that's why we're so tight. Petey Wentz could go totally insane and move to the jungle but I'm still going to know how he's going to react when I see him. There's so much stuff that's unspoken. There's so much stuff that we know about each other that we don't know about each other, that we just know intuitively."

PETE: "Definitely he's the only person that I feel comfortable criticising both my lyrics and a lot of other stuff that I do; even if somebody else wants to tell me something it's probably easier if it goes through him.

He gets to read the unfiltered things that I write so he probably knows more about me than anybody. He gets to read it all and pick a little bit that the rest of the world gets to see."

A THEORETICAL QUESTION: WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS IF THERE WERE NO FALL OUT BOY?

PATRICK: “I could see us being any number of things. The key is no matter what, if we were ever exposed to each other, there would be begrudging respect, at very least.”

SO IF PATRICK'S THE ARCHEOLOGIST, ARE YOU THE RUINS?

PETE: "Ha-ha! That's probably over-dramatic, but it's going in the right direction. I think in general he's a moral compass for me. I think that I'm not necessarily a terrible person but sometimes I'm trying to figure that kind of shit out in the dark and it's good when someone kind of shines a light on you. There are very few people I take that kind of advice from."

PATRICK: "And it's weird too because I think I'm a very cautious type of person, and Pete takes a lot of risks so sometimes I get to be a lot riskier in what i do. Pete's got a lot more backbone than I ever had. Everything that he says he believes in... and that's very not me. I'm very unsure of myself most of the time. In as far as how we relate to other people we're nearly opposite in a lot of ways.”

SO THIS IMAGE OF PETE THE EXTROVERT AND PATRICK THE INTROVERT HAS BEEN EXAGGERATED BY THE MEDIA?

PETE: "I think so, it's not so much like oil and water."

PATRICK: “I never liked that analogy because oil and water don't need each other. They don't react, they have an adverse reaction: it's more like baking soda and vinegar; if you want to have that explosion, you need both of those things, and if you want a FOB song, you probably need both of us."

[neverpathia]

crappy rant/analysis about the Voice of the Paranoid because I'm very normal about him

with that said.

It's pretty clear that he's not just scared. Anxiety isn't his only personality trait, and the game makes it incredibly prominent that he's no helpless victim. He's a starved animal backed into a corner, straining his chain thin, clawing and biting. He's desperate and frantic and charging at it all with nothing left to lose.

But I don't really think people talk about his spite and resentment as much, and it's a little surprising given how much he moulds it to his advantage. Still, he's not just sassy for the hell of it: he genuinely hates what he's being forced to do. He's incredibly frustrated. He's very, very done with your bullshit—and that includes his own bullshit too, because he's the scared part of you (Quiet) that turns your fears into reality.

So he despises everything that he's being put through (by you, himself and the other voices), and I think he definitely despises the rest of the Quiet to some extent. He's mainly driven by sheer desperation, but petty spitefulness is also very much involved—in Nightmare, he gets very quick to snipe at Hero despite having a job to do. He even prolongs the argument for a while before Narrator urges him to resume the chant.

And I think that just like the Contrarian, the Paranoid hates what he himself is too. Granted, @/sssilverspades and @/salty-an-disco brought this up, but all the voices probably have that same capacity for self-loathing and I think he's no exception.

He's the most perceptive voice, but at the same time he twists his perception against himself a lot. He's the reason Nightmare happened. He's the reason his fears manifest. And given how quick he was to figure stuff out in Cage and Apotheosis, I think he'd figure that his biggest problem by then was himself.

It's because he's not okay that they could stand a chance against Apothy...but it's also because he's not okay that she happened in the first place. He's very far gone here. At that point, there wasn't much left for him to do but pretend it all away—just a dream, just a dream—and shut his fears off.

He wants it all to be over with, which is especially apparent at the end of Apotheosis's Grace ending, or at the beginning of Nightmare-Wraith. He's doing what he can and keeping it going, but it's not because he wants to. It's because it's the only thing he's even capable of doing anymore. And it's turning him bitter, turning him resentful.

This is what you've done, and he's a part of you. He's regretting and atoning just as much as he's fighting, yet it's what he must do.

Let's not completely rid him of accountability, by the way, which is another thing I wish fandom acknowledged more. You often get him by abandoning the Princess and denying her what she wants. This is what you did: what he did from beneath you. And he's suffering for his own actions.

This is what fear does—it's perfectly natural to be scared and anxious, but you're not the only one it affects. Let it fester, and you lock yourself in. Let it fester, and you hurt yourself more and more. Let it fester, and you lash out against this hurt. Let it fester and you turn others as hollow as you've become. Fear helps no one. All you can do is amend and atone, which in a way is kind of what he ends up doing sometimes. Or you get Moment of Clarity.

As much as I love him, it's a bit hard to see people just praising him for being the goat (even though he is lol) because of how much he helps. Yes, he's a very useful voice. But he's the very reason he has to be useful, not that he even wants to be here.

I might just be completely misinterpreting his character here, though.

[concerningwolves]

Not only is this allowed but it's something i encourage all writers of any kind to play with! :D

The idea that all writers know what to say all the time and just splash fully-formed drafts out one word after the other is false. There are some who can do it, but i think most of us... can't. Which is why we need tricks like square bracket notes! They're not cheats or lazy writing or some other flavour of Not Allowed, but instead really really important tools that we should use as much as we need to.

Some of the most helpful tricks I've collected over the years are:

make some notes in square brackets – e.g., I had to write a scene on a sailboat, but I know nothing about sailing so i literally just had notes like [boat part] and [how to do X thing?]. If you use square brackets as punctuation anyway, use something else like [[double square brackets]] or a unique letter combination like XY at the start of the note; the point is to pick something you can search for easily later on.

(You can also style inline comments in a different font/colour. Scrivener has an inline annotation feature; if you use Word, you can make a specific Style to make notes stand out at a glance, etc.)

bullet-point your way through any tricky parts – this can be pure stream-of-consciousness vague ideas. it only needs to make sense to me later. much more helpful than just leaving big blank gaps that Future Me has to work out how to fill, but also better than dwelling on a piece of writing forever.

use comment tools – mostly do this if I have ideas for alternate events and/or phrasing, or if I want to check something for continuity purposes.

write out of order – Best advice i ever got for academic writing is to know or even write your conclusion first and your introduction last, which your main argument in between. Similar principles apply in fiction, or any kind of creative writing. If there's a part of the essay that I can visualise clearly or a part of the story that is particularly exciting or important, I might write that first, then figure out how it fits/how everything fits around it.

keep a loose scenes and/or "outtakes" folder – anything that i write out of order goes here, along with any notes for how I think I want to incorporate it into the full text. In the same vein, if I delete something but don't know for sure it will never be relevent ever again, it gets cut and pasted into an outtakes folder.

Basic rule though is that you do not have to get your writing perfect on the first try. This is where drafts come in. The way I see it is to treat each draft as a fresh start – I create/open a new document (well, new Scrivener file) and start over as if from scratch. Each draft gets a narrower focus than the last. This is my process, as an example:

first draft is the word vomit. You do whatever you need to do to get it onto the page, and it can be terrible. In fact, it probably should be terrible. You can fix everything later. it's fine.

The second draft is a half-hearted cleanup attempt. I'll re-type everything because everything is subject to change, from the characters' personalities to the pacing to the order of events. It's all primordial goop, basically. i'm just poking and prodding and making a few adjustments, but mostly trying to create a more stable version of the first draft. All shortcut tricks continue to be my best friend.

By draft three I'll let myself copy-paste between documents if I'm particularly happy with a passage, but try not to get hung up on anything specific. I'll still make liberal use of square brackets etc. as I need to, but try to address as many from the previous draft as I can. This is where I get more brutal with making decisions and trying to fix parts of the story in place.

Draft four is usually my final draft, but there's literally no rules about how many drafts you're allowed to write. It's at this point that I try to keep square brackets etc. to a minimum (unless i've diverged significantly from the plot of a previous draft and having to rewrite large chunks), and make sure to address all the notes and problems encountered in previous drafts.

This is when I move on to revisions. Revisions are the "final do-overs", for me. I start them when I'm satisfied with all the large-scale aspects: plot and chronology; characters' personalities, motivations and arcs; large-scale pacing (so the over-arcing pace, rather than the pacing in individual scenes); backstories; and worldbuilding. I'll copy the last draft's document instead of starting with a blank one. First I run through those large scale things one more time and tweak until I'm happy, not just satisfied. Then I shrink my focus to in-scene pacing, dialogue, and the quality of the writing itself.

I'll also rewrite my plot outline between each draft, too. The act of actually re-writing stuff is very helpful for making your brain think about it.

Drafting like this isn't for everyone, but realising that you can just bullshit your way through chunks of text was a massive game-changer for me. Some people will do a draft, then work on something else, then come back and do another draft, work on something else, etc. Some people's drafting process will look more like what I consider to be revisions. Do whatever works for you. Just remember that from the moment you first decide you Want to Write a Thing to the moment you hit "post" or "publish" or give your manuscript over to a publisher, you can keep making as many changes as you like in any way you like. (And if you go the querying to traditional publishing route, you'll probably get suggestions for, and have space/time to make, changes to the manuscript quite far into the process).

favourite things about first drafts:

square brackets with notes to self mid-line like [does this make sense with worldbuilding?]

ah yes, Main Character and their closest friends, Unnamed Character A and Unnamed Character B.

bullshitting your way through something that you probably definitely need to research later

also square brackets to link up scenes. [scene transition idk] my beloved

the total freedom of word vomits

"I'll fix that later"

the moment when the world and characters start to gain a life of their own

pieces falling into place as you write that you were uncertain about before you started

the accomplishment of Made A Thing

[avelera]

My own interpretation of the Hexcore is that, while it was manipulating Viktor, it also never controlled him directly. It brought out the darkest parts of his nature, all the unpleasant thoughts and the parts of himself even he was unaware of, and pushed him to embrace them-but it never forced him to do anything. (Theoretically, he could have stopped wha he was doing at any time-but consciously or not, he didn't want to stop.)

True, he probably wouldn't have done those things without the Hexcore (I say "probably" because League Viktor exists), but he still chose to do those things.

(I'm just a huge fan of the "Not quite Mind Control" trope, and I think this approach adds some interesting angles to Viktor's character.)

Yeah I think "not quite mind control" is closer to what we see on screen. That's why I enjoyed the comparisons to the One Ring that came later in the discussion.

In my opinion, the Hexcore like the One Ring in "Lord of the Rings", or the gonne in Pratchett's "Men at Arms", represents power. Boromir on his own would probably not have tried to steal the Ring from Frodo, but he was still the one who chose to do so. Where is the line between manipulation and influence and outright control? If you wouldn't have made those choices without their influence, but you still made the choice, how much of it is you?

This actually taps in a bit to a meta that I've been circling that the Hexcore/Sky as the face of the Hexcore is to Viktor in S2 what Mel was to Jayce in S1. Jayce chose to take part in corruption in order to protect himself and what he cared about, but he still chose to do it. Insofar as people blame Jayce for getting dragged away from the lab and his shared dream with Viktor in favor of Mel and politics, he did make all those decisions. But, he was also clearly outplayed and manipulated by a master of the craft. (As I've said elsewhere, leaving someone absolute freedom to choose the only option left to them is not actually freedom.)

I think the influence of the Hexcore is better understood as paralleling Mel's influence on Jayce, especially when you consider the face it used. Twice now we've seen mirroring instances of the "other woman" in Jayce or Viktor's life drawing them away from the partnership, from the lab, making them into public figures, making them adored by the masses, offering them power to make their dream a reality, and in both instances they choose to do so. In both instances, they might not have fully had a choice not to, either because of personal danger ("Your House is in trouble, Jayce.") or because of actual physical manipulation (the Hexcore is part of Viktor now, knit into the fabric of his body). But they still made the choices. It's not fully mind control that they'd be railing against if they could.

Or is it? What would mind control really look like? Since it doesn't exist in the real world, we have no parallel for being forced to do something you don't want to do by some sort of possessing force. Perhaps thinking it was your own choice, when you would have done something else if you could, is really as close as we can get to a real world version.

[bedupolker]

PLAYLIST. @viv13drainbow I think if you like that song in particular you'd also really enjoy Summer Salt, Little Joy, and Babe Rainbow for chill beach-y rock (not included). Commentary below:

The Blue Album - The album to start all albums, the album that launched weezer to success. Many hail this as their best album (I love this album but respectfully disagree) but nonetheless it's an essential for weezer fans and alt rock fans as a whole. Plenty of people who know way more about music than I do have praised blue album at length, and it's a funny meme nowadays too. Of course say it ain't so is an all-time classic, a heart-wrenching look into Rivers's relationship with alcoholism and his parental figures. I dunno if anything on the blue album can be called a proper deep cut, but only in dreams is an overlooked gem, and probably my favorite outro in their whole discography. Hopeful but somber, that slow buildup a the end to the guitar solo. Suzanne is a nice B-side.

Pinkerton - the infamous Pinkerton. Their sophomore album. Their breakdown album. Although weezer's not exactly an emo band, this album is often credited to being influential to the genre as a whole. No two people have the same experience with love or breakups, and one of the beautiful things about art is that we can see an experience through anothers' eyes, but I don't think I can think of a more painfully relatable album than this one. The balancing act of portraying its sympathetically-unsympathetic protagonist as equal parts pathetic and lonely while also entitled and aggressive. Some of the vocals are so raw for a second you see the monster in the five foot six, nerdy, physically disabled, lead singer that he sees himself as. Hard for me to pick a favorite standalone song off this one; the good life is a funky jam that wouldn't be out of place next to wheatus or RCHP's tracks, but that's where all the funk ends. Why bother? is a driving, catchy song that starts to show the cracks of his depression, falling for you is full of emotion, and if you get your hands on the deluxe edition, tragic girl.

Green album - At its time of release, Pinkerton was not received well. Creating such a raw, personal piece of art is hard. It's like the artistic version of getting crazy drunk, pouring your heart out, feeling catharsis for a moment, then realizing you'll have to deal with it all the next day. A lot of people interpret island in the sun as a happy song, but to me it's the tylenol after that night of drinking, a lie to tell yourself just to get through the day. It has a peaceful rhythm and brings to mind a tropical paradise, but there's something undeniably melancholy beneath the sunshine and smiles. You've tried to face your pain and you barely escaped alive, maybe you're better off just ignoring it. (That being said, although the damage has been done, Pinkerton has later been reevaluated and is now as widely praised as the Blue Album amongst music critics, and Rivers himself has made peace with that phase in his life.)

Maladroit - Overall this album is rather overlooked. It leans a bit more heavily into the rock aspect compared to green album, yet the lyrics remain impersonal and goofy. It's still not a bad album, though doesn't reach the heights of the first two. The singles, Dope Nose & Keep Fishing are both solid, but Burndt Jamb is my personal favorite. A little beach-y, probably their Stroke-y est song, (the band, not the medical emergency), it's been a mainstay on several of my chill out playlists for years now.

Make Believe - Probably one of their most hated albums by fans. It has the infamously shallow and poppy beverly hills, but you know what? I'm a Make Believe Defender. I truly think it could've been a great album, maybe even on par with Pinkerton. Not because of the album itself, but the demos. Haunt you Everyday is solid on the final product but rips at my heartstrings in this demo, ditto for tell me what you did (different name on the final product), everybody wants a chance to be alone (I said burndt jamb was their strokiest song but I think it might actually be this one) purple flowers (lyrics are a little rough but the melody, the meloncholy... so good) Actually on that note, weezer has, like, multiple album's worth of unreleased content that's miles better than anything on a published album (Link for one of my favorite fan compilations). Yes, the lyrics sound like something I wrote in my diary after a breakup, but that makes them all the more real. A deep dive into weezer will reveal the terrifying truth we've all been blind to: weezer never got bad.

Red Album - Mixed feelings on this one. It was produced by Rick Rubin, industry titan and famous for bringing bands "back from the dead," he's produced more than one of my all time favorite albums. Red is not one of them unfortunately. It has its fans though. Pork and Beans is fun.

Raditude, Hurley, Death to False Metal - Skipping these bc I don't care abt them

Everything will be alright in the end - To fans, this was their first "good" album since Maladroit, maybe since Pinkerton (12 years prior!) depending on who you ask. Although it wasn't as commercially successful as some others, it's a very strong album. Really, what is it about rock bands forgetting they're rock bands then suddenly returning to releasing rock music and magically being good again?? I'm looking @ you too, fall out boy. I have a hard time picking a really standout song- it's one of those albums that's evenly good throughout, no skips, but no obvious standouts either. Da Vinci is fun.

White Album - A fantastic album. You can hear some pretty heavy beach boys influence in this one. Unlike EWBAITE it has a few skips for me, but the highs are very high. Speaking of high. Do you wanna get high has to be my favorite off this one, Endless Bummer could be a sequel to island in the sun, Summer Elaine and Drunk Dori is just good clean weezy fun.

Pacific Daydream - I'm a Pacific Daydream defender. Check out QB blitz. Weekend Woman is flawed, but fun too, the bridge really makes it for me. Very evocative of Good Vibrations by the beach boys.

Teal Album - Oh god a cover album. No Scrubs is probably the only one really worth checking out if nothing else to hear a geeky white guy say "A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly" like he's reading it out of a dictionary. (TLC, who wrote and performed the original song, allegedly got a kick out of it)

Black Album & Van Weezer - I don't care about these either. Damnit I thought we were gonna be good again!

Ok Human - A good album!! What a relief. Could you imagine how embarrassing it would be to name yourself as a homage such a groundbreaking radiohead album and have it be.... bad??? I particularly love this one because in some ways it feels like it's his most personal album since Pinkerton- only instead of being an honest dialogue from a horribly lonely and isolated 20 year old student, it's a much more well adjusted, happily married, 50 year old father who is subject to both optimism and ennui. And it rocks! In a soft, subdued way. The songs flow into each other so nicely, the first three in the album debatably are my favorite 3-song-run in their discog. Aloo Gobi and Grapes of Wrath especially. The transition from dark and somber Dead Roses to light and upbeat Here Comes the Rain never gets old to me. This album (alongside MGMT's little dark age and The Stroke's The New Abnormal) was also like my essential Coronavirus holy trinity.

Spring/Summer/Fall/Winter - This is a compilation of 4 EP's, one of each released during their respective seasons in 2022. I think it's solid all around, with Summer being the strongest. Records and Blue Like Jazz are both very catchy, Thank you and Goodnight... just wait for the outro, trust me.

[maddiebrj]

Guilt Weighs Upon Your Shoulders

COZETTE RAMBLINGS UNDER THE CUT:

I have not been able to get Cozette out of my head for well over a month now. I haven't hyper fixated this much on character in a good while. Cozette is just....so interesting to me for some reason.

I've always liked her as I found her bond with Connie to be really sweet, and she felt like this wise and caring woman. And yes, while I do understand that the twist of her being Zokket is predictable( I speculated to myself that she might have something to do with him), the thing I like about it isn't because of how surprising the reveal was, but rather the layer of depth that it adds to Cozette's character that I wasn't really expecting. And it's depth that I really wish got expended upon in the game. At first, I didn't think too much of it; we now know where Cozette was all this time. But then I saw how she acted after we freed her from Reclusa's control...and then after that, I started to think about her for more than 5 minutes and realized just how sad, confusing, and messed up Cozette's situation actually is.

I..I so wish we got to learn more about Cozette throughout the game because no matter how underutilized she is, I just can't help but feel bad for her. She got corrupted in organizing the destruction of the world she loves and is supposed to protect. Separating friends and families, kidnapping people and forcing them to work in factories, spreading glolm and further separating others. All to aid the rebirth of being that wants to destroy all worlds. And she just has to live with all of that. That definitely did something to her mentally.

I can't help but think of all that. And on top of all THAT, I just feel like this was a misoppurtunity for some good and interesting character interactions. I want to know what all the Concordians think of her besides Connie and Patriarc ( who is another character that I wish got explored more), I want to know how she views the Zok troops and those memos she wrote while in the Zokket persona, I WANT HER TO INTERACT WITH EXTENSION CORPS AT LEAST ONCE.

I want to know... what exactly made Cozette fall to Reclusa's grasp in the first place. Connie asks a good question to the Great Conductor: If Cozette really was controlled by someone else, why is she taking this so personally? And while I bet it has to do with what I listed earlier, the Great Conductor mentions that it has to do with her being taken advantage of a weakness she has and I'm sitting there thinking, "Oh okay, interesting...care to elaborate on that????." From there I tried to find something, ANYTHING on what that weakness might be and just...nothing. Those Grampy turnips that give some lore tidbits on some of the major characters? They say nothing about her. Her one sidequest involves her making a decision that you can't stop her from making and comes to regret. To this day, I am still trying to figure out what that weakness is. I do have some theories.

Overall, I have this feeling that Cozette isn't entirely and that her story in this game isn't complete. It feels like the writers introduced this interesting concept but weren't able to expand fully on it. I can only assume they didn't as they realized how complicated of a situation it is, and it would probably draw too much attention away from the main threat, which is Reclusa. Which, do not get it twisted, Reclusa. Is. AWESOME. But I am left with a bunch of questions.

Tldr: Cozette is very interesting. I wish her character got explored a lot more.

(Oh boy, sorry, this was so long. I wanted to talk about Cozette for a while. Please don't take this as me hating on the game. I just care so much about Cozette :))

[purrincess-chat]

Cat's thoughts on the state of the fandom

(So take them for what you will)

Saw an interesting take yesterday about the people genuinely complaining that Adrien looks ugly in the new animation and how his character is "ruined," and the take was about how a lot of people in the fandom are the same as people in the show, boiling Adrien’s character down to his appearance and only valuing him for his appearance. And it got me thinking because, in another vein, I've personally seen a lot of people in fandom over the years infantalizing him as being a poor sad cute little meow meow, and when Marinette does anything but pity him for being a poor sad cute little meow meow she's nasty and awful and just as bad and abusive as his father (🤢). But I wonder at what point does the fandom allow him to have autonomy and think and feel for himself? At what point do we recognize his depth? He's a character with a lot of nuance and backstory, and in this new season especially, for the first time he is capable of making his own decisions without anyone forcing his hand now that he has his amok. S6 is for all intents and purposes a blank slate for him. He can finally figure out what he wants to do with his life outside of just being in a relationship or doing what his parents want. And personally I'm curious how they will develop him this season now that he does have that freedom. But maybe I have just always seen him as more than just a pretty face. 🤷‍♀️

Fandom is so quick to denounce change, including change they've begged for. We begged for seasons for an end to the will they/won't they aspect of the love square and for development to happen. Development happened, and now in the eyes of many, the show is completely ruined. Now they want to go back to what we had. Now they want them to break up. Now Marinette is horrible and awful and undeserving of Adrien, but for some reason, being with Chat Noir is perfectly okay and fine and not at all different. Because in their eyes, the narrative lives to serve Adrien and Adrien only. And if the narrative isn't serving Adrien, then it's bad.

I even consider the response to the salt this go around in comparison to salt in early s3. Back when people (including myself) felt that Marinette was being slighted by the narrative, we were looked down on and salt was treated as taboo. Now that people feel like Adrien is being slighted by the narrative, well, suddenly now it's different and okay and no, no we aren't like those other icky salters from before. We love the show. We just are disappointed in it. And as someone who was part of the s3 salt movement (and who wrote probably one of the most famous salt fics during that period), I can say that the people salting on the show now are no different than we were back in s3. Everyone I knew back then started out loving the show. We all loved the characters and the world. But the writers made certain decisions that we didn't quite like at the time, so we gathered to talk about it. We made salt blogs and wrote fic and vented in discords and blog posts. And overtime, some of that eventually spiraled into what it became, and I'm not going to argue that some people went too far. But I see all of the exact same things happening now, and people are insisting that it's different, but it isn't. Instead of 'Marinette changes schools bc her classmates would rather believe a lie than trust their friend', it's 'Adrien and Marinette break up because she's keeping secrets and is awful and doesn't deserve him/we don't like that they were the ones to get together instead of our favorite side. 😤' And in a way, I can't help but notice the undertones of sexism in these arguments. Why are people who defend Marinette icky and wrong and gross, but people who defend Adrien are champions of justice? Haters with "hearts of gold" as it were. Salt is salt. Hate to be the bearer of bad news. It's not different. Just slapped a new label on the same old shit. But this fandom has always had sexist undertones in my experience.

Why when Marinette makes obvious narrative mistakes that the show is obviously setting up to be a source of conflict and character growth do people compare her to an abusive middle aged man? Why is it that in this episode Marinette needs to be sensitive to Adrien being orphaned when she herself has been traumatized over and over by the narrative? To a point that she desperately tries to control everything so her world doesn't fall apart around her again. Why is the fandom able to empathize with Adrien’s trauma and not Marinettes? Why is it that her trauma is downplayed and treated as lesser when we have watched her consistently break down and panic across the seasons? We've watched her exhaust herself and sacrifice her happiness for the fate of the world, but that doesn't matter as much as our poor little kitty cat. And I'm not interested in comparing their struggles or participating in the trauma Olympics because the truth of the matter is they've BOTH been through it. But I've been seeing a trend over the years but also a lot lately of villifying Marinette specifically for every single action she takes. Calling for her to be 'punished' and dumped by the boy she loves because she isn't ""deserving"" enough whatever that means.

Idk. I guess just I just wonder at what point do we just sit back and let the narrative unfold? I reached a point during my salt days when I looked around and saw nothing but bitching and moaning about the same old shit, and I had to ask myself if that was the view I wanted. And ultimately I determined that it wasn't, and then I had to make the decision over whether I wanted to continue watching the show and learn to enjoy it again or if I wanted to just be done. And I think a lot of people in this fandom would do well to ask themselves those same questions and decide. Because at this point I'm just tired of every post being filled with some kind of rancid take on how the show is ruined or Marinette is an awful person or they hope Adrinette breaks up because they were the "wrong" choice (*cough* "It's not my personal favorite side therefore I'm butthurt" *cough*).

Personally, I think we all need to adjust to the new animation and changes and let the story be told. People were so quick to immediately denounce Adrinette just because it wasn't the side they personally wanted to see get together, and instead of giving them a chance, they immediately took up pitchforks and started saying it was bad. But having watched s5 and now the start of s6 with my own two eyeballs, they've modeled a lot of important and healthy aspects of being in a relationship. Communication, patience, benefit of the doubt, meeting halfway, taking things slow, fighting for each other. And it's been sweet. It's not boring or bad. It might not be YOUR taste, but if that's the case, go watch something that IS to your taste. Why waste energy here? The truth is, we don't know what's in store for the rest of the show. We don't know why things had to happen the way they did yet, but as a writer who ya know writes stories, I think a lot of people just need to chill and watch what happens. Because this season just started. We've barely scratched the surface of the story moving forward. How can you honestly say it's bad? You don't know. New and different doesn't immediately mean bad. Change is not automatically harm. Take some deep breaths. Be patient.

I'm just tired. I just wanna watch two kids bumble around and hold hands and fight bad guys. Damn. Some of yall make fandom really un-fun. And I would like to petition to bring the fun back in, please.

[maxdibert]

Omg now I'm also curious about what you think about the characters' political spectrum. I think Severus would be a centrist and the type of guy who would say "facts above feelings". His worldview is very isolated in the books, he only focuses on how the world impacts him and what benefits him the most, so he would be pro worker rights, but I doubt he would take things that don't touch him, like feminism, seriously. Would he be an incel? Lol idk. Lily would be a typical liberal feminist. James and Sirius would be centrists or just apathetic, because why would they actually care about politics when they have it all, but they would pretend to be liberal to safe face and attract girls. Peter would be right leaning and probably an incel too. Remus...I genuinely don't know.

Hermione would be a liberal but I can see her becoming more leftist with time. Ron a liberal, same as Harry. Dumbledore would be a leftist but do nothing to change the system, just like in the books.

I'm not an expert so I'm curious what'd you think? Do some of my guesses fit?

It always amuses me when people frame Severus as an incel when canonically he’s always gotten along better with women than with men. In his household, his father—the man—was the negative figure, while his mother’s world seemed to be what interested him most. His first friend (and apparently his only real one) was Lily, a girl, and he also hung out with Petunia, despite them not liking each other. At Hogwarts, his safe space was still with Lily, a girl, while boys represented the negative aspects of his life: on one side, the Marauders, all men, making his life miserable, and on the other, his housemates leading him down a dark path. As an adult, as a professor, despite the comment he makes to Hermione, he’s always shown to be much harsher and more aggressive with boys than with girls. In fact, his antipathy toward Hermione is significantly less intense than what he feels for any of her male classmates. His paternal figure, Dumbledore, is a gay man, and the only coworkers we know he had a cordial relationship with were McGonagall (a woman) and Charity Burbage, with whom it’s stated they were “friends,” another woman. Then there’s Narcissa, who apparently knows where his shabby Muggle house is in his poor Muggle neighborhood, and with whom he behaves unusually gently, considering his usual crappy personality. That’s not the behavior of an incel, nor is it the behavior of someone who hates women. In fact, given his history as a victim of violence, with all that violence being perpetuated by men, it’s not surprising that he might feel considerably more comfortable with women, who have not been negative figures in his life but rather the opposite.

I don’t see Severus as a feminist supporter, because I don’t think he’s someone who actively participates in political matters. After his flirtation with the far right and the way that blew up in his face, I see him as someone who stays on the sidelines of such things. But I absolutely do see him supporting laws against gender-based violence, for example, because he was a victim of a violent household. I don’t see him going to protests, but I don’t see him opposing them either. Politically, I imagine him as more of a centrist who might occasionally vote for more progressive parties on social issues he considers fair, given his life experiences and working-class origins, but never getting involved in those debates or sparking discussions because he’s pretty burned out from his own past.

Lily is a self-insert for Rowling, so yes, absolutely a neoliberal white feminist, the type who’s all about “I love Hillary Clinton,” with a perception of women’s rights that only considers the problems of white European women and doesn’t grasp intersectionality or dissident feminism. The kind who thinks some people “take things too far” or who says, “I’m a feminist, but the real kind, the kind who doesn’t hate men,” you know? She’d never have voted for Thatcher, but she’d probably see her as an excellent example of an empowered woman, if you catch my drift. That kind of person. Maybe progressive for her time, but a total relic by 21st-century standards. I see her as the type who starts out with more leftist ideas in her youth but gradually shifts to the right over the years, although always supporting basic social causes that won’t fix systemic issues but make her look good in a conversation.

James and Sirius are the typical rich boys who don’t understand the struggles of the poor but think they’re “not like other rich people,” so they claim to have a progressive mindset. Sirius, for example, is the type to bash the right but then treat waiters like crap if they don’t serve him quickly enough at a restaurant (ahemKreacherahem), and he’d get really defensive if someone called out his problematic comments because “I stood up to my fascist family; I know what it means to fight for my beliefs.” Zero self-criticism because zero fundamental political awareness. James is a bit like Lily: “I’m progressive, but let’s not go overboard because extremism doesn’t lead anywhere,” which is a very convenient way of saying he supports workers having vacations but doesn’t want them burning down factories because “that’s not politics; that’s terrorism.”

Remus is the kind of guy who votes for social-democratic left-wing parties with union leanings but doesn’t say so openly at a dinner party and always presents himself as more moderate because he cares more about what people think of him than about his own rights.

Hermione is the classic progressive who seems very leftist within her circle and stands out because, surrounded by a bunch of centrist and neoliberal idiots, she might almost pass for a Bolshevik. But real Bolsheviks would treat her like a system lackey. She’d be seen as too leftist for conservatives and too conservative for the left. She also has a pretty questionable white savior complex and could use a solid dose of deconstruction and some reading on the issues of Eurocentrism and colonial leftism.

Ron is the guy who votes for progressive parties because his whole family always has, and his family does it out of the same habit, so he doesn’t even know what he’s voting for; he just does it out of inertia. And Harry? Harry is a neoliberal with socially progressive tendencies, but social issues only matter to him if they directly affect him. Plus, he’s a system loyalist because he ends up as an Auror, which is the magical equivalent of being an MI5 agent, so… On this account, we’re ACAB; sorry, not sorry.

Dumbledore is the typical guy who was a fascist in his youth and later joined some far-left party but still approaches it the same way he approached the far right: all or nothing. His political vision isn’t ideological in itself but entirely militaristic. He wants to achieve the objective, and he doesn’t care who he steps on to get there, so he’d actually make a fantastic Stalinist.

[hillbillyoracle]

So I am in a high conflict relationship for the forseeable future. I'm disabled and can't work, my family support is middling, and I am still COVIDing but have trouble living alone. It's a bad time.

But one of the things that's come out of it is that this situation combined with my near pathological optimism that I can figure it out to some degree means I have tried all of the advice out there for being a relationship with someone with treatment resistant NPD and ASPD/Psychopathy specifically and then some.

So if that sounds useful to you, let's chat.

Grey rocking - the near universal standard I see recommended everywhere - fucking blows. It's non-specific so it's difficult to know what you should be doing in any given situation, is mentally and emotionally draining, and can escalate the folks who have high impulsivity. I hate it.

The strategy that I return to time and time again, the only one that tends to stabilize things to any degree is called SMART contact from Marriage Helper. It's designed for people who are separated, in the process of divorcing, or similar who would like to reconcile. But it is so useful for high conflict relationships in general.

SMART is an acronym. It stands for:

Stop PUSH* behaviors

Manage shared business

Allow them to start conversations

Respond calm, strong, and gentle.

Take it one day at a time

PUSH is also an acronym. It stands for:

Pleading, begging, manipulating

Unnecessary crying

Starting fights

Hovering, tracking, monitoring

Basically "drama".

Consistently when things have started to get bad again in my relationship, I've realized I've stopped using this framework. Other techniques - like Dr. Ramani's DEEP technique (Don't defend, engage, explain, personalize) - make decent additions for the "Allow them to start conversations" part but without the other parts of the framework, it just doesn't work as well.

I prefer SMART over grey rocking for a few reasons but one in particular, is that while grey rocking can be quite nuanced, most of the examples I see get used ultimately involve not pushing back/letting the high conflict person do whatever they want in most regards. Dr. Ramani often talks about how you're already getting walked all over, the goal is to reduce the length of the walk over. And I personally am never going to feel safe, comfortable, or mentally resilient enough to spend the rest of my life being a better and better doormat.

I think if you've got solid friendships and relationships outside of that person, maybe grey rocking with just them wouldn't destroy you but if you're highly isolated like I am, I just have found that it makes me incredibly suicidal over the long term.

SMART doesn't seem to have the same impact on me. It doesn't require me to lack human emotions. It acknowledges that I will have to go out of my way to interact with her on occasion (to manage business items) and that that serves a purpose. It reminds me to focus on today to hem in eternity thinking which I find is far more damaging to me than say personalization alone. It also gives instructions for how to broach boundaries when I need to "calm, strong, and gentle".

And additional aspect of Marriage Helper's materials is what to focus on instead of fixating on the problem partner - another acronym called PIES. They use it to denote areas of attractiveness but I use it to remember my own needs that I often neglect or sacrifice to focus on conflicts with her.

PIES stands for:

Physical

Intellectual

Emotional

Spiritual

With SMART, PUSH, and PIES - I've got most of the daily ins and outs of living her covered. Is she rage baiting me? Respond calm, strong, and gentle/don't use PUSH behaviors. Has something broken around the house? Focus on managing the problem with her. Am I unsure if I should text her about something? Well if it's not about a shared business item then it's probably best to let it go or tell someone else. I feel a need to go do something? Work on my PIES.

Grey rocking doesn't cover nearly the same breadth in my opinion.

Anyways, I wanted to share it in case someone else finds it helpful.

[wherevenusholdssomeofficespace]

Y'know, I think the reason I'm so receptive to the love triangle bullshit in Hamster and Gretel is it resolves quickly. We got a couple moments of foreshadowing of Lauren's crush before one episode where Lauren and Kevin flirt. And then one episode with the drama before Kevin… decides that he's not in a position to pursue a relationship with Lauren (well, also that he doesn't want to get with his friends crush), and then decides to clearly communicate that to her. And then Lauren is disappointed, but accepting. It both doesn't come out of nowhere, but doesn't overstay its welcome either, rather accentuating character relationships rather than overtaking them.

Now, it is possible it comes back, which would be annoying. Though I do like the idea of Kevin and Lauren. They have some parallels as the put upon older siblings of a superpowered person, whose actual interests are put in conflict with their superpowered family responsibilities. Both seem to have an interest in growing more independent, doing things like getting jobs/earning money/gaining approval from their peers. However, I even more so appreciate Lauren and Kevin having a frank talk, being (mostly) honest with each other, growing closer, even as their relationship move away from being romantic. Lauren revealed her identity to Kevin, and now Kevin can openly help her during fights, its only a matter of time before the Gretel secret gets spilled considering Kevin has been helping out Gretel even when they were enemies. They are well on their way to being part of the same superhero squad, which invites opportunities for their friendship to continue to develop.

Which does make me a little worried considering Hiromi is currently trying to figure out Kevin's secret identity/antagonistic to the superhero squad. Which is interesting, but I wonder if Hiromi will get the wrong idea about their relationship after Kevin has shut it down. I don't really want that, but then again I've been surprised by how much I like the relationship drama so who knows.

I DO think that if Hiromi and Kevin do eventually get together it will feel well earned considering the work they are going to have to put into it. Assuming it happens after she finds out the truth and they can work things out, taking the time to actually understand each other. It's not that either of them mean to hurt the other, and they aren't being stupid about it. Both of their perspectives on the situation make a lot of sense, and while Kevin does do a lot of stupid romance drama nonsense, he's really stuck between a rock and a hard place considering the superhero stuff, and he usually means well and learns his lesson in the end.

I mean it also probably helps that this isn't just the "Kevin's relationship drama" show, but also the Superhero show and Family show, which means we get plenty of other episode topics in here too, so it's not always front and center and doesn't completely define any of the characters, even Hiromi, while being mostly Kevin's love interest is also defined being Fred's friend and the schools resident overworked, increasingly bitter, doormat.

[wolfpants]

writer questions

Thank you so much for the tags, @houndsinhades @citrusses @arminaa8! I loved reading your responses! What a talented, thoughtful bunch of lovelies you all are.

How many works do you have on ao3? 72

What is your total wordcount? 821k

Top 5 stories by kudos:

Romp and Circumstance (Drarry) Pages of You (Drarry, Wolfstar) Forever Live and Die (Wolfstar) Led by Light of a Star Sweetly Gleaming (Wolfstar) Terrible People (Drarry)

Do you respond to comments? I read and respond to every comment! I'm not always timely with it (usually because I freeze up trying to figure out something to say other than a bashful 'thank you!').

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? It's between In My Room and The Hollow. Probably The Hollow.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? Gotta be Pages of You. I wanted that fic to exude queer joy.

Do you write crossovers? Not yet!

Have you received hate for a fic? Sure. Plenty of times. In My Room seems to have caused a lot of contention, either for the character choices (they're teenagers, and they make a lot of mistakes, and not everyone is good all the time), or just for the way it's written.

Do you write smut? Hello, pervert.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware!

Have you ever had a fic translated? No. I'm boring and don't allow translations of my fics :(

Have you ever co-written a fic before? I'm currently in the process! It's been so much fun. I'm learning a lot about [censored]! @citrusses and I can't wait to share this with the world. Watch this space...

What is your all-time favourite ship? Drarry. Closely followed by Wolfstar, Dron, and Sirry.

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will? *stares at WIP graveyard* I mean. I have a lot here. The sequel to In My Room isn't quite dead yet but it's not looking great. I also have a fairly hefty Drarry matchmaking romcom fic that I'm not sure will ever see the light of day...

What are your writing strengths? Outlining, organising, etc.

What are your writing weaknesses? Pacing, emotion, beginnings and endings (endings especially) I always struggle with. Letting my self doubt steal my pen away from me.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? I'd only do this if I had a native speaker to consult/work with.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written yet but would like to? I think I've written pretty much all HP ships I enjoy (and if I haven't, you will see them appear soon in Kinkuary...). But there are a few fandoms I'd love to write for! If I was brave enough...

Inception House of the Dragon Captive Prince Snowbaz

What's your favourite fic you've ever written? I think my writing was probably strongest at The Hollow. That's where I peaked 😂 But my personal favourite, story-wise, is probably Pages. I'm really proud of that one, and even though it has kinks and bumps in it, it's still my first Drarry, my longest fic, and the one I think I poured most of my heart into.

tagging @hoko-onchi-writes @the-invisibility-bloke @magpiefngrl @skeptiquewrites @sorrybutblog @toomuchplor and anyone who wants a go!

[kalisseo]

i know this is so late!! I barely check my strawpage 💔💔 but anyway yes ofc!!

I know this asks for s3 but I'm gonna mention s2 bc I think it's important

also big big warning im a tophabe shipper and an over analyzer blah blah what clone high did y'all watch blah blah im delusional. also sometimes I forget words or phrase stuff weirdly, so I hope that my gibberish makes sense to you!

anyway, now to the interesting stuff!!

how topher feels about people and friendships

a bit unrelated but not really, I think most people loved clone alone, and how all the boys interacted, and me too! it was funny, and a lot of people wanted topher to be a part of the boys group, and obviously me too, but, even though I loved the idea there was something that didn't convince me about it...and i couldn't figure out why until s3 aired

topher's friendship with the bleacher creatures works because they're all outcast

and that's a bit of the reason why topher and abe's friendship worked (in a way)

Topher feels understood by the bcreatures, something he wouldn't have with many people

Topher's feelings towards people, as a whole, are a bit different to his different towards friendship, so first let's take a look at

how he feels about people in a more general view

(this is mainly s2 bc I don't think one can talk about s3 without it, u can just skip it to the next section tho)

Topher has a clear resentment towards the popular or "normal" clones, he tried to cater to people's sympathy using his woke persona, but his peers probably never liked him because of his shitty behavior (personally, I see Topher as more socially awkward that intentionally rude in s2, this doesn't mean that I'm trying to justify him, but in s3 is when he actively tries to ruin the rest of the clones day, when in s2 he's just intentionally "evil" a few times) and topher never understood that was the reason, creating this hate or resentment towards them.

in s2 he's pushed to the side on some occasions, for example in s2e5 when harriet rejects him twice in her musical because well she doesn't like him. another example could be the death maze where jfk destroys his phone and spends more time with abe (something that he caused to himselfff but yeah), then in s3 we have the dialogues 'until she kicked you to the curb' by jackee and 'the same curb we've all been kicked in' by topher, he clearly felt ignored by his classmates, and personally I think he's referring to abe forgetting him and talking to jfk and confucius.

also his roll call song 'nobody likes me, I do not know why',repeating it, but I think it's important to keep it in mind, to Topher, the rest of the clones don't have a reason to hate him but they do, who wouldn't hate their classmates when they seem to hate you too without a reason?

(my personal view is that he blames it on being a clone of columbus, that's why the name change and the woke persona)

so, in a general view, topher first starts to cater to his classmates so they would like him, more than friendships he wants fans, to say in a way, he wants people to like him. he doesn't really seem to care about friends, which could kinda count as canon, s2e2 he only talks to abe because he's basically forced to. all his attempts fail horribly, and even though he made a friend, abe left him too, so he decides to hate everyone and embrace his horrible side, and to me, because of Abe he had mixed feelings.

at first, he probably thinks that friendships aren't really important anyway, and that Abe is just another popular kid who pushed him to the side. I like to think that even so, abe made him realize that maybe he shouldn't be that selfish.

topher and friendships in s3

buttt the way he thinks about friendship in s3 is clearly different to the way he did in s2!

like i said before, in s2 he doesn't seem to care much about it, but in s3 his friends seem to be everything to him!

and to me it's because of what i said earlier, topher feels understood by the bleacher creatures

all of them were losers, outcasts and 'kicked to the curb', they all know what it's like to be slone

maybe topher doesn't really have what he 'always wanted', but he gets a group of friends that for once aren't weirded out by him, he cares about them

one of the reasons why I think his friendship with abe changed his view about how he needs to interact with other people, it's because yeah, topher keeps being bossy with the bcreatures, but he listens to them and pays attention to what they want, something he didn't really do with abe

improvement, if you will, to me this shows how much he doesn't want to lose them

to me, topher is also able to connect with them because he sees them as special, or well different, not in a bad way, but to him they're the same kind of different as him, again, he feels understood, he feels that they're all together against the world, and he tries to keep the group together

he kicks out joan because she didn't respect them and was causing trouble even though joan is supposed to be his crush

then during cloney island, they all decide to just. die there. together, because they're finally accepted, not getting too much into this because this alone could be its own post, but when they decide to escape, it's just because they were convinced that escaping death would bring them closer (bond people, something like that)

sadly I don't have a screenshot rn, but just look at him, he was so happy to be having a bonding experience with his friends

so yeah, topher goes to not really caring about having friends, to them being an important and essential part of his life, and wanting to keep them together, friends are now one of the most important things for topher, he's able to open up to them because they just understand each other

bleehhh

i made a first draft for this post, but I was focusing too much on s2

and I actually have a post like this! but really old so consider this a re make

anyway anon I hope this post gets to you

[ncillary]

Self Aware AU (Rafayel)

Summary: You have the lowest Affinity with Rafayel. The reason is because you hate being the destroyer of everything he loves. His kingdom. His people. His life. Maybe he is better off without meeting you.

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Masterlist Self Aware AU

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|  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5 [current]  |

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He sauntered gently towards an elderly lady who has been staring at one painting for the past 30 minutes.

"Greetings, madam. If I may suggest you to have a seat nearby while you can still enjoy the painting." He offered his hand.

She turned to him and chuckled, "My my... what a young gentleman. Apologies. My heart already belong to someone." She teased.

He laughed to it, "Shame. But it looks like the lucky guy found his muse."

She turned back towards the painting, "I hope so."

Her replied didn't sit well with him.

"What has taken such interest in you for this one simple painting?"

"The calm before the storm."

He faltered but regain his composure second later, "How sure are you, madam?"

She breathed out, "How sure are you, Mr. Flame."

They turned to each other at the same time.

"I think I'll take your offer to rest my ailing feet."

He gestured his arm but she remained her hand on her purse. He reluctantly lowered it and gestured towards a private room.

Once they both have seated. He started.

"I'm not interested."

"How sure are you?" She asked again with a knowing face.

He sighed, "I don't know how you figured me out," he smiled, "but that move was brilliant to bypass my assistant."

"I accept the compliment."

"How my arts can assist you, madam..."

"A name only can be uttered by its true beholder. Unfortunately, you are not mine."

He looked at her in a new light. A colour he couldn't quite place her in.

"Very well, madam."

"I need your assistance on a mobile game my company has been creating. Please give it life with your superb artistic skill in anyway possible."

He looked at her. She was serious.

"I'm afraid technology isn't exactly my way of approaches, madam."

"I also would like to ask your assist to be the model of one of the characters. I think I got one that suits you well, Mr. Flame."

"As you may know, I'm a very private person and I enjoy my morning walks along the beach without being swoon like a sandwich that has been eyed by hundreds of seagull."

She gave a hearty laughed to that, "Mr. Flame, I may not be able to assure you that it won't happen but I assure you that you can find something else in this deal."

He was starting to get bored, "And that is?"

"The true beholder of your name, Rafayel."

He immediately stood up, eyeing her dangerously.

"We don't play around with names, madam." He called her a bit rigid to seethe his anger.

"I got your attention, didn't I? Now. How sure are you to reject this deal... Mr. Flame?" She gave him a calm smile.

They have a stand down, staring at each other, unmoving.

He relented first.

"You sure know how to play your card, madam."

"Experience is the key to stabilize yourself."

He was amused at his loss this time.

"Lay it out to me, madam. You've lit a flame in me."

+---------------------------+--------------------------+

That flame dimmed quickly in the course of a month. It hasn't died out yet but it looks to be soon.

"How many players do I have to care for? This feels like a scam. Madam CEO sure knows how to bait people."

He laughed at remembering their deal a month ago. He also has a few touch ups to the game that he's definitely seeing it through until the end.

Just... having lost his interest in the players.

+-----------------------+---------------------------+

He was assigned to a new player again. This was probably the last one since he wanted to have no qualm in taking care of the players anymore. He'll need to renew his deal with Madam CEO when this one is done.

He soon realized that it was not a new player judging from her level and cards collection.

What was so interesting about her was, the Affinity between her MC and the love interests.

He quirked an eyebrow, "Do you hate me that much?"

Although it was just his counterpart in the game, he somehow was hurt by it. His counterpart was the only one with Affinity in a single digit.

How did she manage to do that?

At the very least, the new player could reach as low as below 20 with his counterpart.

She was in her own league.

+-----------------------+-------------------------------+

"Mr. Flame, our team noticed you haven't been exiting the game for quite sometime. Say... for a whole 24 hours. Care to share anything?" Madam CEO asked calmly but he could sense mirth punctuated.

"There's nothing worth mentioning actually. I'm just curious."

"Careful, Mr. Flame. Curiosity kills the the cat."

"You know very well that I'm not a cat person. Besides, you left the second half on purpose."

She gave a quiet laughed, "It seems satisfaction lit the flame back."

He sighed, "You are clearly enjoying this, aren't you, Madam CEO."

"Indeed, I am."

+------------------------------+-----------------------+

"Your appointments for today are as follow. Please don't run away."

He chuckled, "Miss assistant, you are supposed to assist me and not join the other party against me."

"I would if you would just-"

*Bling*

"Hn? Oh. Apologies. I'll make this quick."

He heard the familiar song and smiled lowly. Didn't think his faithful assistant would play the game too.

*Bzzt* *Bzzt*

His gaming phone, given specially by Madam CEO to oversee the game, alerted him. He peaked at it in secret. She was in and out just for Stamina. Her daytime was always elusive compared to her activeness during the night.

"Nice song." He commented loosely.

"Oh. I agree. My little sister has been playing this one game on my phone. Don't get me wrong. Her current phone was not in the best shape and she was adamant on getting a new one with her own money."

"You seemed proud of her."

"Only pride for her." She smile gently.

+--------------------------+--------------------------+

"Say, Miss Assistant. What do you think of the game?"

"The one from that day?"

He nodded.

"It's interesting when she told me about it. Never played it myself. I'm just helping her with day log in. Oh, I noticed something."

"Elaborate."

"There's three characters in there but she rarely mentioned the third one. Wonder why?"

"Which one?"

"The purple hair one. She mumbled something about being a destroyer- Wait? Did you play it too, Mr. Flame?"

"You didn't know? I designed some of the things in there especially the paintings."

Her eyes widen, "No wonder it looks familiar. Oh right, the purple haired one is a painter. Wait. Is he based on-"

He put a finger to his mouth, "Miss Assistant, you're my ally in this, right?"

She sighed, "Of course. Your privacy matters most."

+----------------------------+--------------------------+

"You should be at the venue an hour before the event started."

"Let me see where is it?"

She handed her phone over, "When will you learn to have your own navigation system?"

"When-"

*Bling*

Both turned to the phone on his hand.

"Let me get it. I know a thing or two about it."

"Please don't touch anything else."

"Who do you think I am?"

"My nossy employer." He looked at her, unimpressed, as she stared at him, unfazed.

He log in.

*Bzzt* *Bzzt*

Hm?

He pulled out his gaming phone on the other hand. Both phone showed different point of view but it was the same shared scene.

Eyes unblinking. Disbelief setting in. His hand tapped the Stamina icon and exit the game. His own phone also showed the MC just exited the game.

"Interesting."

"What?"

"Apparently, your sister dislike my game counterpart."

+---------------------------+--------------------------+

He sent a second notification. Trying to test something on her, the capturer of his attention these days.

She claimed the Stamina and complained a bit. As usual.

He smirked.

He chose a prompt to see the level of loath she had for his counterpart. Akin to a challenge to tease her.

( I don't want wanna leave this place. I hope today doesn't end. )

He wondered how she would react if he kept spamming her and bothered her in-game with a lot of prompts until the game crashed on its own or she crashed first.

She chuckled. A beat triggering in his chest. Something never happened before with all this time he heard her voice.

"Me too. But you're better off with someone else than a destroyer like me."

The screen showed an empty cafe a second later.

He stared. Mind reeling.

"She didn't mean me as a destroyer. She calls HERSELF the destroyer."

Cupping his hand on half of his face, laughing rose steadily from his throat. Funny, misunderstood, annoyed.

Very annoyed because he finally realized, she hasn't called his name once.

He needed to hear it. Let himself be trapped in the trance of her supple melody.

Her gentle face ghosted the empty space he was staring at.

"Someday you'll see. Me getting through your negative thinking so that you'll only see the beauty you deserved, cutie."

His flames flickered, "Say my name."

+---------------------------+--------------------------+

She was watching the new memory. HIS memory. The first kiss. He would be delighted if not for her eyes staring away from the phone.

He pouted, "Where is she looking at?"

Her beautiful orbs should only stare at him and it did. Not without a cost.

She was hyperventilating, not breathing properly until he guides her to catch her breath to finally calm her sudden shock.

"Ra...Rafayel?"

"Yes, cutie?" Immediate response. Lips pulling without noticing.

His heart?

Being doused by fire. Crackle after crackle made it more alive than ever with every breath she took after she uttered his name in the chaos.

His heart was THE chaos now.

And she strategically ran from it by exiting the game. That does it.

His calm was over.

Let the storm brew in.

+------------------------------+----------------------+

He succeeded in catching her offguard but he hated the way she was fidgeting with her eyes looking down as if he enslaved her.

It was the opposite.

He tried to diffuse the tension. Everything was going well by having a leisure hang out.

Until it wasn't.

She exited the game with extra threats this time. To delete the game and never play it again.

Face pale, chest heaving, terrified of the thin string from his heart to her was severed.

It didn't happened. Yet.

Mind pulling and pushing puzzles on ways to let her notice him once again. What's better than using everything he had. His art and his assistant.

+-----------------------------+----------------------+

"I'm not fully convinced but I saw her spiralling down as if nothing. You better give me my sister back or else."

He gulped. Never had he seen this calm rage from his assistant, also known as his muse's older sister, before in the years they had been working together.

He gave her a reassuring smile, "She'll be fine. I know she will. We just need to wait for the perfect timing from her side."

+-------------------------+---------------------------+

He booked the whole floor of where her muse was staying.

He dressed up as a bellboy to look inconspicuous. Room service was the perfect opportunity for this.

*Bzzt* *Bzzt*

His eyes widen. Her room door was inches away from him. Stepping back, he opened the game. Glad to see her. Worrying she'll do something rash.

"...My Rafayel..."

Dolphin bit his heart and jumped out high on the open ocean. The rush he felt was surreal.

"...again..."

He was breathless. Feeling glee. Cheeks hurting.

The teasing start.

"MY RAFAYEL. GIVE HIM BACK."

This is it. He needs her. Now. In front of him. In his arm. Enslaved him all she wanted.

It's showtime.

*Knock* *Knock*

Her face between the gap of the door, how he just wanted to...

"Did you order one Rafayel, cutie?"

He angled his head to get a better look at his muse.

Let the raging sea be subdued by a touch of pure hearted maiden

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Masterlist Self Aware AU

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[artemistorm]

Anyone want some quick gender euphoria? I can do some name and pronoun checks for people today.