#I felt that by not being honest with some very serious faults - it doesn't give a fair/clear perspective to others

[missisjoker]

Monday rumblings about Cregan Stark

I feel like the fandom collectively decided that Cregan Stark is this broody, solemn, always serious man whose smile is a rare treasure, like a warm day in winter.

And I get it; he is very straight-forward, right down to business, no-bullshit type of a guy (which is understandable, considering the conditions he lives in, and lives he must protect on a daily basis).

I also understand how he would be cold and reserved at first, cautious of anyone he doesn't know (case in point: Jace), and guarded (considering his closest family tried to usurp him, why wouldn't he be?)

And yes, he would be a giant loving teddy bear to his wife and kids.

But where's his mischievous side? Where's his adventurous and dangerous side?

Why are we all missing that

He is incredibly smart - he managed to oust his usurper uncle at the age of 16 by sheer will and wits. That says a lot.

He has a dry, sharp sense of humor. Yes, you don't get it much from 3 minutes of screen time, but if you read the books, it's THERE. Even the jab at Jace ("you had the mercy of not threatening me with your dragon") is right there, and it's FUNNY. Give me more sarcastic and dark-humored-Cregan!

He is a charismatic person- first of all, some generic schlob wouldn't get 3 wives, one of which was Aly Blackwood. Like, that just doesn't happen unless you're filthy rich (which Cregan is not). So I doubt he could've gotten that just by being this cold and broody and grumpy Wolf. No, there's plenty of charisma there. Second of all, he got the Riverlords look up to him the moment he reached their armies. He didn't even DO anything much, just SHOWED UP, and got them all blushing like maidens. That doesn't sound to me like fear or respect or general unease that you get next to a respectable, strong personality. It sounds more like a crush to me, if i'm being honest.

He is adventurous, he loves danger, and you can't convince me otherwise. A peace/safety-loving man would not threaten to attack 3 separate kingdoms just because he felt like it.

And he is also deeply wounded inside. He lost his mother young, so he never had a loving warm embrace of his mom. He lost his brother and his father when he was what, a teen? He was an orphan, while his closest remaining family was scheming behind his back. That kind of betrayal wounds deep. He lost his wife to a child bed, and i'm sure deep down he feels guilty about it (even though it's not his fault at all). So, there's a lot of insecurity and guilt and loneliness deep inside him- he is probably touch-starved, he likely wants to be praised and told that yes, he IS good enough to be a leader/husband/father. That the person he might open his heart to will never betray him, and never leave him- come hell or high water, they will be there for him. He even maybe, deep down, wants a person who he could be weak with. Not whiny or capricious, but weary. He is YOUNG, and he carries so much on his shoulders. He needs someone who would let him put his head down to their arms let it go, even if just for a moment.

He is smart, strong, quick-witted with dry sense of humor, but he is also an orphan and a widower with a Kingdom to run in the harshest of conditions.

I just feel like we are all concentrating on this "standard" Stark-ish description of him but missing the depth of his character. There's so much to explore...

Ok, rant over.

And yes, I just want to wrap him in a blanket and cuddle him like a giant grumpy northern burrito.

[a-commas-a-pause]

Was doing some cursory research about low concentration salicylic as an over-the-counter acne treatment (been having a flare-up, likely due to a combo of stress and shifting environmental factors, and since I'm a terrible skin picker I'm trying to find ways to avoid giving myself scarring without needing to visit a doctor) and as I was scrolling through the Wikipedia page I learned from the epidemiology section that acne apparently affects women slightly more than men:

...and I don't know why, but this really struck me.

I guess I grew up with the belief, picked up from the culture and media around me, that acne was this "greasy teenage boy" problem, in some way inherently unfeminine. I didn't really think boys got it more than girls, I figured that was a stereotype, but I kind of assumed the stats were pretty much equal. And back when I still thought I was a girl, I felt worse about my own acne, since it felt like yet another way I was performing girl/womanhood incorrectly.

Finding out it's actually slightly more common in (cis) women is throwing me for a loop, even though it rightly shouldn't be - that's a very neutral and harmless fact! But you never see acne treated as just a feature of a teenage girl's face, it's always something awful that needs to be fixed (never mind that in real life, you often can't "fix" acne completely, can only manage it). That's not to say it's treated as something positive in boys either - usually boys with acne are also treated as undesirable, be that a loveable nerd or just a creepy loser - but I'm not sure I've ever even seen a girl character with even moderate acne (like I had at that age, though it certainly felt severe at the time) on screen.

I took isotretinoin for my acne in school, which is a pretty powerful medication that is highly effective at stopping acne but also comes with some serious risks - I had to take regular blood tests when I was on it to make sure it wasn't killing my liver. Due to my (mentioned before on this blog, lol) massive phobia of all things medical and spiky, I fainted for every single one of these. On top of that, it increased my already very high (I'm about as white as you can get) sensitivity to sun, so I couldn't go out even on cloudy days without suncream. And it causes birth defects, so they kept making me take supervised pregnancy tests "just in case" for months, until I changed dermatologists and the new one was like "what? why? no, you don't have to do those, just sign a thing saying you're not sexually active and it's not our fault if you're lying about that and you're chill".

It was a Lot, is what I'm saying.

Isotretinoin isn't the first port of call for treating acne - my GP tried several topical solutions and two different kinds of antibiotics (one of which I was allergic to, which naturally, me being me, I discovered by fainting about it. Again. in music class, this time) before finally referring me to the dermatologist who was allowed to prescribe me The Serious Drugs. Moreover, I stand by my decision! I wasn't pressured into taking it by family or friends, I was allowed to make my own choices, and going through all that rigmarole was absolutely my choice.

...I might even have taken the same choice if I'd lived in a society without all this weird stuff around acne, to be honest. As mentioned at the top of the post, I have a skin picking problem and acne not only doesn't help with that, it was causing me actual pain.

But also. I don't know. The societal stuff didn't help at all. My dermatologist suggested at the time that insecurity about my acne might be contributing to my chronic neck and upper back pain, of all things (much like the acne, something that started in my teens but hasn't stopped since I left them), since it might be making it harder for me to stand up straight with confidence. I laughed the idea off at the time, but now... I don't know. It could certainly have been a contributing factor.

I wish I had a call to action here, but I don't really know what can be done about this, especially not at the individual level. This is a societal gender discrimination issue, and I guess an ableism issue as well? I wouldn't normally call my acne a disability, but it is certainly a medical condition, and it does affect my life (and acne can certainly be the basis of unconscious discrimination, though I'm very grateful that that hasn't been something I've faced personally). If anyone has any more productive suggestions, feel free to add them onto this post. And I guess, put characters with acne in your stories? Including women, and including adults! 5% is one in twenty. One in every twenty 40+ year old women (according to that cited study, anyway, which I can't currently verify because my institutional access is fucking broken again) still "have problems" with acne. That might be worth representing.

[ihatemyselfbutidolovetea]

3/27/2024

I'm feeling better. There are a few stressors in my life right now but they just have to do with school which is fine. I have a few thoughts right now that I want to write down.

I worked out at the gym today. As I left the building I noticed a card in the parking lot. I picked it up and saw it was maybe an invitation to a funeral. I saw who died, just some middle-aged man. He died this year, 2024 and I could only think to myself, Jesus it's already 2024???? What the fuck happened. How much time is just going by really scares me. I felt bad about leaving the card on the ground so I propped it up against the trunk of a crabapple tree that was beginning to blossom.

I'm feeling a bit conflicted on the Teacup issue... She's been socially withdrawing from her main social circle, and instead of maintaing her connections, it seems she scrolls on Twitter, and bed-rots, as she and Schmudd described it. She just seems to... react to what's relevent to her world. That's a very human trait. But what's not normal is not acknowledging the wider space she's creating with her friends. This is pretty much a telltale sign of depression. Women are also good at avoiding painful situations. She might feel guilty for leaving her friends in the dark, but if she explains what's going there's a risk of shedding light on something with her. I'm not saying she's a narcissist, but unhealthy people tend to go into an unhealthy spiral because the healing process is painful.

I've always looked up to Teacup for being an honest and outspoken person. However, she seems to be outspoken to a fault She'll say edgy things, post her hyper fixations regardless of what other people think but she draws a line with personal problems, anything that could possibly make people close to her worry about her. I've listened to her speak on her trauma and how fucked up her childhood was, and she'd always frame it in a lighthearted comedic light. Most people do that, no one wants to give power to their traumatic past so we laugh at it. But this insistence of convincing her peers that she's fine and not to bring serious attention to her problems. I can see this in her relationship with Schmudd since they've been friends for so long. I think there are other factors to why she's not communicating with specifically him, but *A* reason could be that they have a very powerful and emotional connection so he has the ability to put her in a painful and uncomfortable position.

However, I could be wrong. All I have to go off of is theories. There is a painful conversation she's avoiding but that avoidance might have multiple driving factors. Schmudd has an intense personality. It's not just him being edgier than a /pol/ user, he has a novel on everything especially when it comes to stuff he is closed-minded about. Most people like it when their peers say yes to most things. Schmudd is a compulsive purist too. If you're doing something irresponsible then he will not like you. Teacup maybe feels guilty around him, not accepted. He said mourning over the CN building was stupid, maybe she thinks "well, if he thinks what I like is dumb then he's not going to care about my life." Personally, I don't care about what he says, I maintain a friendship with him wherever I can. I felt like a piece of shit when I confessed to him about my past with drinking, but we're past that now. She might feel guilty over wasting his time with the roommate talk, she could be aware that she was more involved in his life when she could live with a responsible guy. But after finding new roommates now there's not much conversation other than feeling bad over how the situation played out. Why doesn't she have a heart-to-heart with him about it? Well there's an admittance of fucking up in the first place. Not just with Schmudd but other aspects. Women tend to make bad choices but want to find some way of coping into feeling like they weren't bad choices. Perhaps saying some rather unkind things to Schmudd could be the result of that. Teacup might not be satisfied with her living situation. It seems like she didn't pick the best of roommates to bunk with. It was clear from day one to attempt to work with SNAFU, she wanted to move out asap, didn't want to wait for Schmudd when the opportunity arose, and might be regretting the decision. But that would mean admitting she made a bad choice, that she should have bunked with Schmudd, and now she can't and might have to spend money on living somewhere else. I hope this isn't a reason but; I've ruined her friendship with Schmudd. I think I would be hurt if my close friend of five years and I were cool up until this random person just walks in and my friend starts talking to them for hours and hours and have this deep meaningful connections after only talking for 8 months. Perhaps she liked Schmudd for all these values he brings to the relationship but maybe on some level she thought he needed her more than she needed him. Admitting to needing someone is one thing. But it's different when you've believed that someone needs you and then this other person becomes your friend's favorite person and you think "shit... I guess my friend doesn't need me anymore..." I really hope this isn't the case. Once again all these are theories, they could all be right or wrong. But I do believe there's an issue with depression and opening up herself to be vulnerable in her relationships, why it's happening, I don't know, and I might not ever know.

It is disappointing, I will admit. I idolized this woman for being confident and blunt with her opinions. I saw Schmudd praising her for this confidence and not caring what other people thought. "If you have something to say then say it." is what she said. It inspired me to be more honest with the people in my life and embrace myself no matter how much I hate myself. I wanted to have a connection like Teacup and Schmudd's. It makes me want to cry when there's a failure to connect. When I got the chance I didn't just want to have a connection with Schmudd I wanted to have a meaningful connection with my art senpai as well. I still want to try... I don't know how successful I'm going to be. The fact that she might ignore my attempt at a connection does scare me. However, I want to try because I believe we have the potential to connect, I've felt it since high school. Or maybe I'm crazy. Nonetheless I want to understand her.

Besides that Schmudd is still very important to me. It really bothers me when he's used, people sever their connections with him, or don't see him. He's been such a good friend with me that I just don't understand why people are cruel to him. Schmudd is not a perfect person, obviously. But the amount of cruelty he's suffered at the hands of other people is sickening. He deserves better. People have done bad, maybe some people have fucked up irreversibly. Even so, everyone deserves at least one person in their corner to support them at their lowest, be it a friend, a partner, a family member, whoever to tell this person "I love you, we'll get through this together." When he's been deprived of such things it makes me go "well no wonder he's put up his walls and doesn't see anyone as human and wants to go live in the woods." I'd be the same if that happened to me. While he can be venomous and almost take pride in being mean, I've seen him be a kind person. He consistently takes the reigns and does what he can to make people feel comfortable. When his objective is make this group experience go as smoothly as possible by being entertaining and charming, he'll do it. I think that's so admirable. Behind those walls is a kind person who wants love and acceptance from others. But all these traumatic experiences have cut off this need. The more he needs it, the more hurt he will feel when he doesn't get it. He looks to me, sees that I have needs so ignores his own to make sure I'm happy with him. And he makes me happy. He wants to support my dream however he can. Despite how good our companionship is, he will want to retreat into the walls, when my all my dreams have come true I will look to him and say "I am content, I no longer need you." And he will sigh a breath of stoic defeat and he will say "I hope you got everything you needed out of me." And then he will walk away, disappear from everyone's consciousness, never to be seen again. I never want to be that person. I never want to see him as a means to an end. I can never imagine walking away from him. So it baffles me why other people would cut him off.

Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood eveyone leaving me is inevitable. Sometimes I wish I could become only my content. That's all everyone will think of when they hear my name. "All I need Sophie to do is draw her comics and nothing else." Relationships are hard. People's needs are draining. It almost feels like people need the moon and the stars from me. But I love the people in my life too much to let them down. If they do leave me, at least no one could say I didn't try.

[luveline]

smutty sunday thing- what ab james accidentally making reader cry bc it feels so good (like good tears) but he doesn’t realise and he gets rlly concerned

SMUT 18+ ONLY MINORS DNI (cw p in v, tears, praise, r is overwhelmed but having a good time) ♡ fem!reader

You rub your face into the damp pillow underneath and try to breathe properly. James, his weight heavy above you, pauses to help you move your arms so you're resting on your elbows. 

"Is that better?" he asks. 

Afraid to use your voice and give away your current predicament, you nod voraciously, and are pleased as punch when he starts to move again. 

You've never tried this position before and it's a real doozy. James presses down on you heavily, smushing you into the bedsheets with his legs between yours and encouraging your thighs that little bit wider as he thrusts in. The curve of his cock rubs up against something sweet for the hundredth time and you sniffle aloud, overwhelmed by pleasure. 

Deep-seated, James stills. He works his hand under your cheek and turns your face gently to the side so you can see him in one eye. He doesn't look very happy. 

He looks horrified. 

"What's wrong?" he asks, a short fall from incredulous. "Sweetheart?" 

He pulls out and you whine under your breath, panting as you say, "Don't stop, James." 

"You're crying your eyes out." 

You blink to discourage another round of tears, looking up at his figure blearily. His handsome features warped by worry, James takes the brunt of his weight off of your back and kneels beside you, leaning down so his face is level with yours. 

"Was I hurting you?" he asks quietly, bringing his big hand to cup your face. 

You move reluctantly out of position and onto your side, hips and chest aching and your cunt sorely missing his attention. 

"It felt really good," you say. 

He wipes at your tearstained face. "Then why are you crying? You can be honest with me." 

"I am being honest," you sniff. You sound almost bratty, and you're kind of feeling it. Going from some of the best pleasure of your life to nothing so quickly is irritating, but you quickly tamp it down. It's not James' fault, he's just checking in. "I'm serious, Jamie, it's amazing. I didn't mean to start crying, it's just…" you turn your face into his hand as much as you can, his palm eager to receive you. "It's really nice to feel you pushing in on me." 

He smiles. There's relief, bemusement, and a certain amorous twist to his words as he says, "You're fucking precious." He kisses your cheek, hands moving to rub the back of your neck. He pulls away just enough for you to see his eyes, his breath hot on your skin. "You like feeling all my weight on top, huh? Pinning you down, is that it?" 

You hum. "Mh-hmm." 

He presses a firm kiss to your lips. "I'm okay to do it again?" he asks. 

"Yes, please." 

He pushes your back so your chest is flat to the mattress again and eases himself on top. You can hear the wet sound of his hand tugging his cock, shivering when he finally pushes back into your heat. He makes a thoughtful sound, grinding down into you, the scratch of his slick-wet curls against your cunt setting you aflame. You whimper and lift your hips to force your hand between your legs, fingers searching for your swollen clit. 

James pulls back and rocks in hard, his thighs slapping your thighs, the pleasure a dull ache that shoots up your abdomen. You mewl wetly, entirely wrecked. 

He rolls his hips and drops his face into the back of your neck. "You'll tell me if it gets too much? Please?" he asks. 

"Yes," you agree breathlessly. 

He kisses the side of your throat slowly. "You're so fucking pretty, even covered in tears," he murmurs. "So pretty. You hear how wet you are, angel?" He pushes in slowly. "You're practically crying on my cock." 

You laugh. A little surprised, a lot excited. "Please, James," you say, needing what you'd had before. The unrelenting pace, the crushing feeling. 

Like he can read your mind he bears down on you and chuckles as well. "Anything you want," he promises. 

"Want it harder," you whisper, flushed in heat.

"What was that? Can't hear you over your sniffling, babe." His amusement is unmissable.

There's your James – insufferable. He snaps his hips into you and you forget all about it. 

[giaourtopita]

hi!! i would like to request a mc who has been personally hurt by the brothers' sin. what i mean by that is, for lucifer for example, the mc might have a parent who was too proud to acknowledge their mistakes and hurt mc or for asmo maybe mc had an ex that cheated on them, or for mammon maybe mc's sibling was too greedy so they fought with them over inheritance or something. how would they react knowing this?

it doesn't have to be really angsty or serious or anything but i thought it'd be interesting to see the brothers come to terms with that!

feel free to ignore this btw, but i hope you like writing this if you accept!!❤️❤️🙏🏼

when their sin has hurt them

thank you for requesting, this was a nice way to get my mind off of some things that have been bothering me lately. i used your examples for asmo, luci and mammon, i hope i did this justice! some of these take place early in the story btw. i also did the twins together (and i changed it a little!)

warnings: gn mc, angst, talks of self harm (satan's part) & disordered eating(?)/unhealthy habits (for the twins' part)

lucifer

- mc had been distant with him since the beginning, he didn't like it but he understood. he was a stranger after all, a dangerous one at that.

- however, after that whole thing with belphie got resolved and everyone got closer he expected that he would get closer with mc as well.

- but after a while he realized that he should probably do something about this situation...

- he went into their room, right before their alarm for rad would ring. once it did, he tried not to frighten them by towering over them so he sat in a corner and started talking to them about what was bothering him, this was something rare for the avatar of pride but he had to do it.

- once he told them everything that was on his mind, mc told him that it wasn't him, they wanted to stay away from but rather his sin.

- lucifer was glad that mc didn't reduce him and probably his brothers too as just the sins they represented, even though he knew that he was still greatly affected by his sin.

- but mc also told him that they had a parent they cut off a few years ago that was too prideful to admit it whenever they made a mistake so he reminded them of said parent.

- he thought about it and if he had to be around someone that was even in the slightest like his father he would try his best not to be near them or interact with them.

- in the end, he and mc decided to try just hanging out for small periods of time so they could get used to him.

mammon

- mc didn't like being around him, even though they didn't know him. he thought maybe he really is a worthless scumbag if not even a human can stand being around him.

- he could usually handle it when his brothers were being mean to him but he didn't like it when mc was distant. they had a pact so the fact that mc was acting like that was even more discouraging. it could've also been that he also wasn't the best towards them in the beginning but it still hurt.

- he seriously thought of apologizing many times because he didn't like being stuck in a pact with someone that avoids him.

- so he talked with them, he was glad it wasn't exactly him they didn't like but his sin. honestly, he could've started sobbing right in front of them but he tried to keep it together.

- in the end, they just started talking about how greed can affect people both directly and indirectly like what happened to mc, whose siblings got so greedy that started fighting them for their share of the inheritance to the point where they had to step away and cut them off.

- mammon felt bad. he started thinking how his behavior affects his brothers, without taking into account that his brothers aren't regular demons either. mc had to remind him that the rest of his brothers are also affected by their sins so it's okay. they just had to understand each other better.

- still, after talking to mc he started being more careful about what he's doing with his money. he tried to tone it down a little when it came to money related issues, mc didn't ask for it but it certainly was appreciated!

leviathan

- honestly, he barely even noticed that mc wasn't around him as much. he spends most of his day alone in his room so it wasn't very noticeable.

- once he did notice though, he blamed the fact that mc wasn't hanging out with him as much to fact that he's an otaku and a shut-in.

- compared to the rest of his brother, he can actually not go on a rampage as easily. really, the first time mc saw him like that was during the tsl quiz and it was scary, it reminded them of a friend that was so jealous of them that drove other people away from them.

- even though this was a bad reaction on levi's part and mc managed to still get a pact with him and although having a pact with him did give them some sort of reassurance, it wasn't enough.

- after getting a pact, mc and levi obviously weren't as close as them with mammon and that made the human feel a little bad for him. maybe they misjudged him?

- hearing from the rest of the brothers that levi was usually in control of his sin, made them think about it more seriously. they went into his room and talked about it with him.

- since what caused this was during the tsl quiz, levi actually apologized and the two started hanging more.

satan

- from the get-go mc would avoid him, he didn't know what he did wrong so he wanted to ask them why they were distant.

- it couldn't have been that he's a demon, they get along with the rest of his brothers just fine! maybe too fine, if we're being honest.

- still satan had to know why, if there was something wrong he would try to fix it.

- so when he finally got the chance to be around them, he asked them. and he certainly didn't expect the answer he got.

- turns out mc was avoiding him because when they get angry they can't control their reactions, much like him. only instead of destroying objects and hurting others emotionally, their reactions were basically the opposite when they got angry they would hurt themselves, they would cut, bite, scratch or hit themselves.

- he was the first person to know about this, he felt bad that it was his sin that was causing them to do all these things but he couldn't take away their anger.

- what he could help them at though was making their anger hurt less, whenever he would feel them getting angry he would take them to break things until that became a habit.

asmodeus

- being the touchy person that he is, he was very weirded out by the fact that mc wasn't being very touchy with him, but that's just what he thought it was mc just wasn't the touchy type.

- after one time asmo started full on big spooning them, mc used their pact to get him off of them and stormed off the room.

- asmo felt really bad, not knowing what to do and not wanting to upset mc he started asking his brothers, that's when he found out that mc saw their ex partner cheating on them, literally caught them on the act!

- mc heard about asmo asking his brothers and felt bad since what happened wasn't exactly his fault.

- asmo felt bad about what happened, he knew that it wasn't his fault but his sin is supposed to make people feel good, not this! especially not when it comes to mc!

beelzebub & belphegor

- mc felt uncomfortable when being around one of the twins but this discomfort tripled when the other twin was there too.

- the human had a relative who had very bad coping mechanisms. whenever said relative would feel even a little bit down they would eat excessive amounts of food and then sleep for two days straight.

- even though this was very upsetting, what made mc feel uncomfortable was the fact that their relative died due to their habits.

- so seeing them act the way their relative did, hurt them. even more because they liked the twins and they both noticed their awkwardness around them they set up a sleepover in the attic.

- during that time mc managed to explain how they feel about their sins and that they were worried about them.

- when it was the twins' turn to talk, they explained that their sins aren't exactly the same as the others'. - while some of their brothers have it better controlling the sin, the twins don't have the luxury of doing that because their sins are more physical. meaning if belphie doesn't sleep or beel doesn't eat it's going to hurt them (and make them go on a rampage) and since the twins have telepathy it's also going to hurt the other twin too.

- after hearing all that mc stopped worrying, because they're just doing what they have to do and compared to that relative they're doing a good job.

masterlist

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Hello! Please ignore this if this is not something you would like to answer. I need your views on this please 💞

I'm so jealous and angry with this guy I'm seeing because he is always with his girl best friend and gives her more time, attention and energy than me. I asked him so many times if he is really interested in getting to know me more and he says yes but ignores my mysseages/ replies after ages, saying that he is a bad texter and that he is busy. I like him because he is bubbly and kinda made me forget about my depression but most of the time I feel lonely cause of his lack of communication.

He mentioned I'm insecure which maybe I am but I also think I have a point in this, I think my intuition is telling me that he doesn't give a flying f about me and that he will end up doing something with his best friend and will make me feel and look stupid.

Does it sound to u that it's my issue or his fault? In my opinion, if you really like a girl you wouldn't be so close with your girl bestie anymore, I mean I wouldn't do that. But maybe that's just me. I never felt so jealous in my life and I don't even have something serious with this guy..

Hello! I’m sorry you are going through a rough time :( I haven’t been in this situation before and I’m not attracted to men, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to help a lot but I’ll try!

I don’t know if him being close friends with another woman is necessarily a problem ? I mean maybe in like the straight world there are rules about that stuff that I’m not privy too. But it’s not something that makes sense to me. Because if I was dating a woman I would still have my other female friends aha. I don’t think you have to super get along with your partner’s friends , you are your own two people, but unless those friends are like actively being horrible to you or you think they are hurting your partner, I don’t think you should really try to come between them. It just adds tension and can build up onto resentment. People can feel like they are owed more if they give up big things for other people. Which just creates a bad situation for everyone.

I will give you some free mental health inpatient advice though 🤣

While I was there once we had some relationship classes on how to deal with conflict. One of the points the psychologist made was when bringing up an issue or insecurity frame it around yourself more instead of solely putting it on the other person - because if you put it on them people can get defensive. Also I’d recommend doing it in person if possible. Things can be misconstrued over text.

Like for example: “I know you say you like me, and I believe you, but my insecurities get the better of me sometimes and I would like some reassurance to help in those times. I know you say you aren’t good at texting, but in those moments it can make me feel ignored. Is there something you would feel more comfortable doing? Something we can meet in the middle with so we both aren’t uncomfortable?”

I maybe in the minority with this but I also don’t see anything wrong with admitting you are jealous. You can reassure him it’s not his fault and you don’t want to get in between him and his friends, but sometimes you feel jealous, and you don’t want to, so you want to sit down and work out something you guys can both do to help with those feelings. I feel like if he cares about you he’ll try his best to meet you in the middle and come up with something to help. As long as your reassure him that you don’t expect him to give up his friends for you or anything.

Open and honest communication in person that doesn’t involve pointing fingers is, in my opinion, always the best way to go! But I know it can be really scary. Sometimes writing down what you want to say can help make it a bit easier :)

I’m sorry if this wasn’t very useful though. As I said, I’ve never been in this situation before and I don’t date men so I have no idea about any of the social ideas around that stuff lol. But also check the comments! Some others might have other ideas.

Also also! It’s okay to walk away if being with him causes you too much stress or he doesn’t respond well to this. And if he does end up with his friend that’s not your fault at all and doesn’t make you stupid. I promise 💕💕

I hope things start looking up for you and I hope you have a nice day :) 💕💕

[tendousthoughts]

How HQ Boys React to Someone Flirting With Their S/O

Character(s) included: Atsumu & Osamu

Requested by: My sibling who doesn't read my work lmao.

Warning(s): Cursing, Forcefully pinned to a wall [Atsumu], Hand forcefully around your waist [Atsumu]

Song of the day: Where Do I Go? by Lizzy McAlpine

A/N: Ah okay here is the new prompt. To kick it off we have "Grey hair both twins" requested by my sibling. Anyways this will be a Multipart series so request who you will want next! Thank you all for the love on my last series so hopefully you will like this one too. This one can be a bit heavy, being that this "flirting" can be very forceful as shown in the warnings. Please keep this in mind before you decided to "read more". If you wanna chat don't be scared, I like to think I am quite the kind person. ALSO- Please check out my cool moot @taeyamayang [i hope it is okay if I tag you..]

Where to find all the parts!

Where to find all my content!

Atsumu

Atsumu was always invited to parties and rarely went but today was different, today was celebration of their newest victory. So it would be weird not to bring his lover right..? Of course it would. Sadly you weren’t much of a social person. You looked amazing but Atsumu knew how much you hated compliments like that, it made you feel like that’s all you were good for. Like that was the only reason people stuck around. Which was why Atsumu normally complemented your intelligence, or amazing sense of imagination, or your strong sense of wrongdoing but not only that but so much more. He made you feel so loved in his arms. So maybe this once everything would go okay. It wasn’t like you could say no to going to such a big advent. It was important for Atsumu so it was important for you too.

When the night came up more anxiety hit, you weren’t one to party or anything so this was not something you were used to. You grabbed one of your more ‘fancy’ pieces of  clothing. The last time you wore it was years ago. It was a beautiful outfit so much that Atsumu claims when he saw it on you he fell in love. He just had to talk to you. He had heard so much about how you were so free and he loved that. He loved people who just rolled with it. Which was exactly what type of person you were. You were deep in love.

Atsumu walked out in this dark blue suit. God he looked so fucking hot. He had his hair styled back, he had a white shirt underneath the blue jacket. He was wearing a matching tie. “How is ma angel feeling?” he chuckled softly, meeting you in the mirror wrapping his arms around your waist burying his face in your neck. “ya smell so good.. yer perfume is so sweet.. I could eat you up,” he chuckled softly, his words muffled as kissing your neck as he held you.

“Baby that tickles,” you laughed softly, holding on to his arms. God, you felt safe in his arms. “I am good, how are you? You look amazing, hopefully nobody tries to steal you from me.” You laughed though to be honest you weren’t joking. He was all over the internet. He was the man of everyone’s dreams. Tall, handsome, funny, cute, strong, he was free and so much more.

“I am doing great, baby.. ah you know that wouldn’t happen, love,” he kissed you again. “Come baby let's go out to the front they are waiting,” he took your hand as you guys walked out to the front and was met with a limousine, “You guys are too extra,”  he muttered as he opened the door. There was Bokuto, Sakusa, Hinata, their partners and a few of their friends. “Where is the rest of the team?” He chuckled softly as he sat down gesturing to you to sit next to him which you did.

“Because we had to wait for you, they left already,” Sakusa muttered, sounding a bit pissed but his partner gently nuzzled him and he seemed to calm down in their arms.

“Ah I am sorry to all of you this was all my fault I took a bit longer then I should,” You smiled softly as they reassured you it was okay. As you arrived at the party the paparazzi was already waiting for the rest of the team to come out. The door opened and immediately the cameras started clicking which made you nervous. Atsumu’s warm arm wrapped around you as he kissed your head.

“Come on angel.. let's go have some fun then we can go home and cuddle,” he smiled softly as you shook your head. “I love you,” he whispered softly as he led you out. Cameras surrounding the others as they came out with their partners. You nuzzled into his side a bit more, gently he tightened his grip on you as you walked inside the large building. Loud noises surrounded you as he led you to the rest of the team. “Hey guys! This is ma angel!” he called out as they smiled a bit. A few laughs were heard. God he really was good at embarrassing you but to be honest you have only been dating like 3 months. You were at every game but still he acted like no one ever noticed you.

After an hour or so he offered to get everyone drinks, which everyone accepted and next thing you know Atsumu, Bokuto, Sakusa and Hinata were off grabbing the drinks while everyone else kinda stayed in a huddle. The music was too loud so you kinda moved to a corner waiting for him to return. Well in that moment someone decided to take their shot with you. Making their way over, you already noticed a few things. They seemed confident, a bit too confident. Flaunting to their friends about how some way they were going to get you. Some way he was going to make you fall in love at first sight. News flash.. you didn’t. Quite the opposite you wanted to leave as soon as you saw them approaching. “Hey Hun~ are you alone?” he questioned. Of course not. No one in their right mind would go to a party like this by themselves. Instead of answering you kept quiet. Which made them pursue you farther. “Awe don’t worry it is nothing to be embarrassed about~ I will keep you company.” They chuckled softly. Taking a step closer you were clearly uncomfortable.

“I am not alone.. I am with my boyfriend..” you muttered softly, your eyes glued to the ground, scared to even look up. You weren’t too good with things like this where they would push and push, to the point where you were forced to except. To the point where you would give your information just to be fucking left alone. You just wanted Atsumu to come back soon.

“Come on, give me some sugar. Your boyfriend doesn’t need to know about us, eh? It will be our little secret. I can tell you're smart. So why not just hand over the phone number and maybe we can hang out soon? That sounds nice right..?” Their voice was annoying, it wasn’t calm or sweet like Atsumu’s. It was demanding and rough. He didn’t care what you wanted. He didn’t.. he was going to push till you gave it out. You just had to hold on a bit longer and maybe Atsumu would be able to save you from this terrible, awkward moment. You just had to wait a bit more.. just a bit longer. Before you could say anything his hand was already around your waist

“Please get off me,” you pushed him off. Which seemed not to be the right move because next thing you know you were forcefully pinned to a wall, his arms tightly around your waist.

Next thing you know he is off you and then shouting. “Who the fuck do you think you are touching ma angel?” There he was, Atsumu. Finally.. It felt like it took ages but now he was here. He punched the guy in the face and you immediately rushed to his side to try and calm him down. He gently wrapped his arms around you. There it was. That warm feeling only he could give you. That safe feeling. He wasn’t forcing you to hug him or anything. You felt safe in his arms. You held him close. “ya okay angel.. I am sorry I took so long,” he muttered as he gently kissed your head. “He didn’t hurt ya did he? I will kill him, don't worry, just tell me,” he whispered in your ear. The guy was still recovering from the hit.

“I am okay.. thanks to you,” you whispered softly as you held on tight. To be honest you were a bit scared, not that Atsumu was going to hurt you but that you couldn’t tell if Atsumu was kidding when he said that he would kill that guy. He sounded dead serious but you really wanted to think of it as a joke. All you wanted to do was walk away right now. You wanted to go back to the group and pretend none of that happend. But of course that could happen. Of course that couldn’t because someone really wanted to piss off Atsumu.

“You know it sucks that cutie is left with you, I mean you only punch someone when they aren’t looking at you.. are you that worried? It is funny, now come on cutie do you really wanna be with this guy? I have a bunch of money.. that's why you're with him right?” Of course not. You really loved him. But right now you could tell he was pissed and you didn’t know what to do to calm him down. He let go of you and next thing you know he wasn’t in your arms anymore but on the floor punching the guy, making a mess out of him. You wanted it to stop. It only took a minute max before Bokuto and a few other people were pulling Atsumu off what was left of the guy. He was covered in his own blood now. Atsumu just looked annoyed, he wanted to kill the guy, or that's what it seemed like, it really seemed like he wanted him dead right now.

“Atsumu what the fuck are were thinking you could have gotten pulled from the next match for that shit!” Sakusa scolded, “I understand that you are pissed at him but that shit isn’t what you pull! Look at him!” he pointed to the guy. “When were you going to stop if we didn’t pull you off huh?” He seemed upset. You on the other hand were still in shock.

Atsumu made his way over to you and stood in front of you unsure what to say to you. So you took the lead, “fuck Atsumu,” you muttered as you clung to him his arms wrapping around you next. “What in gods name were you thinking, Sakusa is right, you could very much be fucking kicked from the next few games.” You muttered softly in his chest.

“I wanted to make sure he would keep his mouth shut about you. He had no right talking about you as if you are just an object. He had no right touching you. So I gave him a taste of his own medicine. I touched him without him asking and frankly I don’t regret it. I would do it all over again and I wouldn’t mind being suspended from the game if that means you would be okay and that he wouldn’t be touching you ever again.” He muttered back. “I really love you and it pissed me off. I am sorry if you are disappointed with me but there is a fine line with me, and he crossed it. He pushed me to the edge, I wasn’t going to do much more than that one punch if he just shut his pretty little mouth. But of course he had to bring up the fact that yer be a better fit with him.. I couldn’t let that pass by. I just couldn’t lose you.. please forgive me angel..” he muttered. Clearly he was a bit drunk as his words slurred a bit. He seemed all over the place but it was okay. “I really just wanted to protect ya..” he chuckled a bit. He didn’t seem to regret doing it but maybe he seemed a bit upset because he worried you were upset with him, which you really weren't. To be honest it was quite the opposite. You were so happy he did that, otherwise you would probably still be in that ‘guys’ arms.

“‘Tsumu thank you.. if it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would be doing without you right now. You really saved me back there and not only that but you really make me lose my mind when I am around you. You really are the love of my life. So no, I am not disappointed or any of that shit, if anything I am worried about will happen to you now that you did that, I really don’t want you to get in trouble because you decided to help me get out of my mess… I am sorry that you were dragged into this baby.” you muttered as you kissed his head.  You weren’t lying when you said you were worried.

“Don’t worry about me angel, I will be okay. Okay? Don’t feel bad it was ma idea to attack the guy, none of that was yer fault. It is everything but your fault you wouldn’t have had to come if I hadn’t begged you too. If I didn’t go get the drinks and leave you by yourself you would have had to deal with him.. if he listened to you when you said no then everything would have been okay and everything would have gone much smoother. If he hadn’t made that remark he would not be in the state he is in. So angel none of what has happened was yer fault. Believe me okay, I really love you and I don’t want yer worrying about this. I will handle everything and keep you updated..”

You shook your head softly as you held him close, “I love you too babe.. I love you so fucking much.. thank you..” you whispered. You were a bit cold, and it must have been noticeable because Atsumu took off his jacket and placed it on you. “thanks..” you closed your eyes for a moment taking in his embrace.

In the end in a not so surprising amount of events Atsumu was benched for a little bit of time, for some reason he still claims it was worth it even though his teammates don’t. Which he almost threw a fit over, because they didn’t think that , ‘protecting his angel was worth not playing a few games’, though in reality they just meant that there were other ways that he could have gone about it but he decided to take the most violent approach. Which didn’t seem to work out in his favor. In the end the guy tried to press charges but after a bit decided to drop it. Nobody knows why but they think it had something to do with the lawyer or something. You and Atsumu were happy and that all that mattered. He was always there to protect you. He would never let that happen again. At night he held you closer than ever after that happened. He made sure you felt comfortable as he had one leg on top of you as the rest of his body was wrapped around yours. Which was surprisingly comfortable.

You just had one thing bugging you so you decided to address it. “Atsumu.. remember when that guy said that I was only with you because of your money.. I really hope you understand that he couldn’t be more wrong. I love you for so many things like your freeness, your ability to change, the way you can be so protective and loving at the same. Not only that but the stupid little things you do. Like the way you make stupid little jokes to lighten the mood. The way you call me when you are out and about just to make sure I am happy and am feeling okay, and if I am not how you make this cute little fucking dates to make me feel better. The way you remember small parts of a story that I tell you and will mention it at random times without even thinking.. The way even if something is not of your interest you take your time to learn it with me and listen to everything I tell you.. God you make me lose my mind but I really love you.. I really do..” you whispered breaking down into tears as he held you close.

“Angel.. it is okay.. you're always there for me. You make me feel special and you make me feel loved and for the first time in a while I find myself thinking I have finally one upped my brother. I have finally found someone who loves me for me and I really really love you. So don’t cry okay..? I never believed that guy. I know you love me and I hope you know I love more than just your body okay.. I love you so much so don’t ever.. ever think I don’t.” he held you to his chest. You gently shook your head. He was so good at making you happy. God he was just so fucking amazing. You really loved him and he really loved you too.

Osamu

Osamu always seemed to be favored, so naturally a lot of people asked him on dates, not only that but a lot of people did go on dates with him. But now you were dating him things slowed down. He stopped going on dates and naturally asked people to stop showing up when he was out with you. Well one thing for sure you are big now. You were Osamu’s lover. So of course people wanted you too now. You were everything everyone wanted, tied with the fact you were with Osamu and that just made you want more. This was a lot and to be honest you would have loved this before you met Osamu but now you kind of hoped all of that would stop. News flash it didn’t. Of course it didn’t, to be frank your opinion really matter to them, all that mattered was you were good looking enough to be with Osamu.

Your relationship was built on love and that’s all that mattered. You two really did love and trust each other. It was what your relationship was built on. It was what all relationships were built on. Your personalities went hand and hand. You loved going out and dancing. You loved midnight slurpees and driving on the freeway to nowhere, all windows down. You had to have the sunroof open and blasting music, singing on the top of your lungs. You loved the feeling. Osamu loved watching you feel so free, having so much fun with that amazing smile on your face. Who wouldn’t love that? You dragged Osamu to do cute things that nobody else would get. You loved dressing up, either in tight fitting clothing or loose fitted ones. It didn’t matter. You just loved the feeling. You felt invincible when you did that. You felt so free and you didn’t care if people judged you. Your opinion was the only one that mattered. You thought you looked amazing and that’s all that mattered to you. You loved dancing in the rain. Osamu didn’t mind at all. He loved to be with you and he was open to new things no matter how ridiculous it was. You guys jumped off a fucking plane one time together. Of course with a parachute but god you guys trusted each other that much.

This was the man you wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He was everything you ever wanted.. and now you had him as your partner and god that made you so happy. You were so happy. Your two year anniversary was soon and you knew you had to do something big. You got the whole day ready, you started off with just a movie. It was a romance movie, and you planned to ease into it. You didn’t wanna do anything too much. Something where you two could just be near each other. It might have sounded stupid, but that was all you really needed to be happy at the moment. You just felt so free when he was near you. You felt so fucking happy with him, and it was so hard to explain.

Then you had dinner together, you decided it would be best to have something more fancy. You wanted to show all your appreciation for all he had done for you. He stuck by your sides at your lowest moments and you didn’t know what else to say but thank you. You wanted to show how much you loved him, and to be frank, you weren’t too good at showing your affection. Everyone told you that. You knew it was true. You knew from your last relationships. You wanted this one to be different.. you couldn’t let him leave you, you couldn’t live without him now that you were dating him you felt safe, but never really comfortable. Too afraid to lose him, too afraid to fully let loose around him. You didn’t wanna scare him off. You really wanted to make this last.

Lastly, a nice walk.. right now they had a Christmas tree show. They were decorated.. Little did he know you actually had a tree in the show. It was in a park area and people just gotta have hot coco and relax and walk and see the trees. You decorated one just of you two and such. You tried your best to make it look nice but in the end you were just overwhelmed and wanting to give up. Atsumu reassured he would love it, and he was lucky to even have you so there was nothing to worry about anymore. Osamu loved you and that wouldn’t change over just some stupid tree. You have been good to him.. right?

When you met with him he was all dressed up. You two decided to wear matching scarfs and you were excited to see he went through with it. It was a warm dark burgundy color. With that he had a brown large coat and just classical dark brown shoes on. You were wearing A white turtleneck, a regular sized brown coat, black boots, and the signature burgundy scarf. Osamu looked so good in it, you two were matching more then you too though you would but you were quite glad. You slowly walked over, it took a moment before Osamu gestured for you to take his hand which you happily did, You never took the lead for that stuff. You always waited for him to ‘let you’ take his hand. Which might be stupid but it has been two years now and would it be weird to start now..? You didn’t wanna push your luck. You didn’t wanna ruin anything right now. Not when you were so happy.. Not when everything felt so nice. Not when everything seemed to be going good. You just had to hold on a bit longer. Just a bit longer.. maybe a bit would be forever but as long as everything stayed like this then you would be more than happy to continue as you did.

You guys arrived at the movie a bit later, You guys got one of the best seats in the whole theater but not only that but you also had the best person next to you in the entire world. Osamu. For most of the movie you guys exchanged loving glances and such. Your hands were cold as you interlocked with his. His fingertips were warm to the touch and not only that but holding his hand made you so happy. This date made you so happy. Just hanging out with him made you so happy. Sometimes it felt as if you couldn’t breathe and maybe that was a bad thing.. but god that tight pain in your chest made you feel so happy. You started to crave that feeling.

“The movie was great, baby.. Thanks for taking me to it.” He chuckled a bit, kissing your cheek as you two got up and started walking to dinner.

“Mhm of course love.. thanks for coming with me..” You muttered you were not too good with feelings so maybe this wasn’t the right thing to say at the moment but you didn’t mind.

“Ya of course, I am glad that you came out with me.” He whispered his grip tightening a bit as you walked with him. “I love you so much hun..” He muttered and in response you just smiled and shook your head. Osamu wasn’t one to throw around the word love. You learned that when you mentioned something about someone's appearance and saying you loved it. It started this stupid argument about how strong the world love meant. Osamu never liked it when you mentioned someone else and in the same sentence said the word love. He felt as if that word was and should only be used with people who are close to your heart, not just some random classmate or waiter. At first you didn’t understand but then Atsumu explained that Osamu’s last relationship ended because of cheating. He used to use the word love with everything but now only for you, and you alone.

After a few minutes you finally said something about it, “I love you too my darling..” you whispered in his ear as you held the door open for him. You moved to the side letting him go in first. You smiled a bit as you got moved next to him,  waiting for your turn to be seated. You luckily made a reservation, the place was packed with people, but of course it was. It always was, so now with Christmas coming up you weren’t surprised people were trying to get anything close to then. Soon enough you were seated and all you could focus on was Osamu, and his small beautiful smile. His perfectly calm face. His sweet tone. All that made you so happy. It always made you so happy. He glanced up from the menu chuckling a bit as he spoke, “Hun.. are you going to look at the food or me the whole time? I don’t want you going hungry,” he smiled a bit.

“Oh.. sorry,” you felt the warmth of the blood rush to your cheeks and tips of your ears. You didn’t think he had noticed, and since he did it was more embarrassing than you thought it was going to be. You glanced at the menu, you smiled a bit as you found what you wanted. Looking back up your eyes met with his and you immediately looked back down. “For someone who told me to look at the menu instead of the person of you then I would think you would do the same,” You smiled softly looking back up to find his ears and cheeks having hints of pink.

“Well I have picked out my food have you, hun?” He smiled a bit as he looked up to you. You and him always got the same thing, though you both pretended to act like that wouldn’t happen, you both pretended that you were interested in other options. Maybe because it felt really repetitive or something but it was what you liked.

“Mhm the same as always.. Are you getting what you usually do..?” You asked and in response he just shook his head. You order soon after. Once the food came, it was the same as always. The flavor coating all over your mouth. You were quite happy with the taste. You always ordered a cream sauce risotto, with mushrooms and shrimp. Osamu ordered squid ink pasta with a cream sauce and shrimp as well. The food was always so good so you were glad it was the same today. After you got dessert. Osamu whispered something to the waiter as they walked away. A few minutes later they came back with a lemon sorbet. Next thing you know Osamu smiled a bit and pulled out a small box flipping in open. There were two initials carved into it. They were matching promise rings.

“Y/n, I love you so much. You were always there for me and I want to thank you. I know we are both still young but I want to make sure you will stay mine. So y/n can you make a promise that when the time comes we will marry..?” He asked softly. You were tearing up a bit as you shook your head and then the ring slipped on. God it was perfect. But now you were worried your gift wasn’t good enough being that Osamu bought you a ring and you just decorated a tree. Osamu and you finished dinner by getting up. Now just one more place to go. The Christmas tree show. You walked with him slowly, not wanting him to be so disappointed faster. When you arrived at the park Osamu ran to the bathroom for a second. To be honest he had been nervous the whole time so now he just wanted to freshen up a bit.

As you waited for him a male approached you. “Hey love.. you here alone?” he chuckled a bit. A bitter smile plastered on his face.

“No, I am actually here with my boyfriend. I am just waiting for him at the moment,” You tried to give a smile back, though you didn’t like the nickname love, It made you feel as if he and you were in a relationship, though you haven’t met this man once.

“Ah  what a shame that he is making such a pretty face wait..” He muttered, “how about you and me get a hot chocolate? Hm?” He chuckled a bit more. Though it seemed extremely forced, unnatural.

“No I just wanna wait for him, but thank you for the offer,” He was taller than you, maybe Osamu’s height. Close to that. You didn’t feel comfortable, you felt anything but comfortable right now you just wanted to leave. You didn’t wanna be near this guy one more minute, but at the same time you wanted to wait for Osamu to come out of the bathroom so he didn’t think you left him. So In the end you just waited for him.

“Ah well could I just get your number sweetheart..?” He chuckled a bit, throwing those nicknames that made you want to throw up that made you want to cry out for help. But when you said no he just kept pushing. Then that warm arm around your waist. Osamu's warm arm.

“Oh hey,” He knew what was happening but he knew that you were more loyal than anyone else he had ever met, he knew that you didn’t feel comfortable, “sorry for making you wait hon, we can go see the Festival now okay?” He lucky got you out of there, “I am sorry about that hun did he do anything to you,” He asked, walking down the trail slowly.

“No he didn’t do anything, don't worry, thank you for helping me get out of there, I really appreciate it,” you muttered softly. Soon enough you had arrived at the tree, his face turned from stunned to a weird emotion that you couldn’t quite read. Which was quite new you normally could understand what he was trying to say and now this just made you ten times more worried then you should have been.

“You did this..?” He muttered softly, turning to you as you shook his head, “Ah I see, I really like it. That photo is when we first met. I was so nervous.. Did I tell you that? I saw you just sitting there and I thought I was late. That one is from the first time you met my brother, oh god he even annoyed me with the amount of questions he asked you. That one was from our first slushy night, after your bitch of a friend dumped you to hang out with the cooler kids though I swear you were the coolest person in the world. Oh at that one is when we were about to go skydiving together, god I was so terrified did I tell you that? You acted so excited so I tried to pull off a cool face but once we were doing it god it was so fun. This is so beautiful. Thank you baby.. This is the best gift in the entire world.” He whispered tears falling from his cheeks as he pulled you to a hug. “God I love you baby..” You felt all the worry and doubt melt off of your shoulders. You were so glad he liked it. You were so glad he remembered these memories. These were some of the best memories of your life but you knew more were going to come.

“I love you so much too baby. I was so worried you weren’t going to like it. God thank god. You do so much for me and I couldn’t wish for anything more than this. You are the one I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I feel so free with you, I feel so happy with you, I feel like myself with you.. I get nervous to hold your hand. Every time you smile I just fall in love again. Everything you do makes me feel so free and happy, and I don’t want this feeling to ever end so thank you so much for everything you ever did for me. Those slushy nights are the best nights of my life, any time when I am with you I feel like nothing can hold me back. Nothing can harm me. You make me feel like royalty.. I don’t know what I did to deserve you but thank you for staying with me. I love you so much.” You muttered softly. Next thing you know you were pulled into a kiss. His warm lips pressed on yours, both of your salty tears mixing with each other. Little i love you're falling from both of your lips. This is how it was supposed to go. You and him, forever. You were soulmates, you knew you guys had to be.

Follows and likes are appreciated! Please reblog if you enjoyed it, so more people can find my work! Thank you all for your support! Stay safe, and have a good rest of your day!

[dragon-kazansky]

Til death do us part | Helmut Zemo

Bodyguard AU! 🕶

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

Here's the part where I stir up trouble because it's me and you know this by now.

Warnings: Mentions of threats, death, and suicide. I'm sorry if that's triggering. It's just mentioned.

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 11

You hadn't returned to the Baron again last night, and he hadn't called for you either. You managed to avoid him for the rest of the day.

Today, however, was a new day, and you couldn't keep avoiding him. You put on your stoic face, kept your mind on the job, and made your way up to his office.

At breakfast you had been joined by Natasha and Clint down in the kitchen. It was clear bt the way Clint was looking at you that Natasha had brought him into the loop.

"Why did you tell him?"

"I didn't. He has eyes, too. He can see it just as clearly as anyone," she states.

Clint grins.

You glare at him.

Clint just shrugged and agreed with her. He was the only one to tell you anything alone these lines:

"I think you should open up to him. Sure, you didn't get off on the right foot, but I think he likes you. Really. Maybe give him a chance?"

You chose to ignore that statement and get on with your work. If no one else was going to take their job seriously, then you had to be extra serious for them.

His life was still in danger.

You knock on the door, taking a deep breath as you waited for his reaponce. It cane moments later.

"Enter."

If only his voice didn't send shivers down your spine everytime you heard it.

You enter his office, barely looking at him, and make your way over to where you normally stand. However, you had noticed the way his desk was organised.

Much like yesterday, there was a tea set on a tray. It was a different set to yesterday's. These cups were a pale green and each one a a small pink rose painted on either side of the cup. The teapot had a dozen little roses around the top where the lid sat.

It was a pretty set. Once again, simple, but classy.

He poured two cups again.

"Please, join me," he spoke softly.

You did not want a repeat of yesterday. You remained standing.

Noticing that you hadn't made a move, he gazes up at you with gentle brown eyes. His lips are pulled into a soft smile.

You knew you shouldn't have looked at him, but now it was too late. Those dark eyes are luring you in, and don't forget that smile.

Why did you suddenly want to kiss him?

You swallow thickly, keeping eye contact with him as he continues to look at you with a smile.

"Please."

The way he speaks is so soft. He very clearly wanted you to join him. You hesitate.

"I'm on duty, sir."

"I want you to join me."

You look at the empty seat across from him. The tea would get cold if you didn't join him. Right, yeah, that's why you're going to sit down with him, you didn't want the tea to get cold.

You move over to the chair and take a seat, not looking at the way he was smiling at you now.

A plate of cupcakes sits between you. He takes one.

You look at the sight. Seeing the Baron with his dainty tea set, a cupcake, and a bright expression on his face, he looked so happy and relaxed.

You rather liked this side to the Baron.

You pick up the cup and sip from it. Another delicious tea from his collection. You won't mention how you knew he had a collection of different flavoured tea in a box downstairs in the kitchen.

You smiled at the thought of it though.

It made you feel like you had discovered something about him. A little thing he likes that he doesn't share with anyone else.

Except you, of course.

"How many tea sets do you have?" You ask, now forgetting all about that professional head you had tried to put on earlier. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to humour him.

He smiles widely at you.

"I have six as it stands. I do like to look at others, but I only get the ones that really catch my eye."

You have no idea what was going on with Helmut. The man was beyond pleased. You had initiated a conversation with him. You wanted to talk to him. He couldn't believe it. Perhaps he hadn't offended you as much as he thought after all.

Now, he just had to keep you talking.

"Six? Goodness. Do you use them all?"

"Yes. I switch between them," he grins.

"I'd like to see the others."

"All in due time."

You smile softly.

His heart could literally beat out of his chest right now. He made you smile, and you weren't even trying to hide it.

Feeling a little more willing to be less... stuck up, you reach out and grab one of the cakes.

This pleases him further.

You both eat the cakes and drink the tea. You let yourself smile openly around him.

You were accept he wanted to spend time with you. You wondered if he would indulge you in some information.

"May I ask you something?"

He looks at you with a big gentle eyes. His lips curl in the smallest of smiles.

"Of course."

You put down your nearly empty tea cup and sit up straighter.

"Will you tell me about the group who are after you?"

His smile fades. He hadn't expected that question. To be honest he wanted to keep them as far from mind as possible, but he supposed he did owe you an explanation after everything you had been through.

"They call themselves The Agent Association. John Walker founded it when I retired from the army. He is part of the reason Sokovia has been suffering, when he brought his little gang here to try and recruit me."

"Recruit you? What did he want you for?"

"I have many skills under my belt. I believe he wanted to use me."

"And you turned him down?"

"Yes. I had just left the military. I was ready to return home and settle down. He didn't like that," Helmut's voice became sad. Something struck you and you realised that this went so much deeper than just that.

"What happened? What did he do?"

Helmut looks at you. During the next few moments of silence he was debating on if he should share everything with you. He trusted you, it more came down to if he could bring himself to tell you what happened.

"Baron?"

He wants to tell you. He wants to share what happened to him with you. The reason he had been so cold before you came along.

"There was a woman. She was beautiful. I fell in love rather quickly with her, and she promised to wait for me. He promised I would marry her upon my return and we would live here together. I didn't know she knew Walker. As it turned out, he was in love with her too."

You were suddenly felt with dread.

"Helmut?"

That was it. That was the first time you had used his name. He stared at you, caught off-guard by the way it sounded from your lips.

You hadn't seemed to notice what you had done. Clearly you had been so comfortable with him, you had just let it slip.

He gathers himself.

"Heike. That was her name. She wasn't here when I got home. Three days and no word. I had feared she had chosen him over me, but it was a week later when I heard what had happened."

You felt uncomfortable.

"Heike had passed away. Her family hadn't known I was home, so that's why I hadn't heard anything yet. I was devastated. Two days of being locked away here in mourning with a broken heart, Walker showed up. He broke down my door, he marched up to my room, and then he proceeded to attempt to kill me."

You stare wide eyed, lips parted, mind blank.

"Walker thought I was fine reason she was dead. That she couldn't take choosing and ended her life. I wanted him to kill me. I wanted to be with her in death. He didn't do it. He dropped me and left. I didn't hear from him in years, but one day he shows up with his agents. He wanted to prove to me he had power and influence. Sokovia began to decline and it was because of him."

Helmut had taken notice of how you were leaning forward, listening intensely.

"He's trying to kill you because he thinks Heike killed herself over you?" You ask, whispering softly.

He nods.

"That's awful."

You get up and walk to his side. You place a hand on his shoulder and let it rest there.

"It wasn't your fault."

He turns his head to where he sees your hand. He looks at it. Your touch feels warm, even through his blazer.

"Wasn't it?"

"Of course it wasn't... or are you saying it was?" You ask, softly.

He shakes his head.

"I don't know. What if she had?"

"Do you want my honest opinion?" You ask, looking at him seriously.

"Please."

You kneel down beside him, hand still settled on his shoulder. You meet his eyes with your own.

"If she had ended her own life, I don't think it was over you. By the sounds of it, she was in love with you. She promised to wait."

"Then what do you think happened?"

"Walker. He's trying to kill you, very nearly had twice at this point. Maybe this goes deeper than you think. You're taking it from his word and not your own investigation. Considering all that happened, he isn't a wise form of information."

Helmut places a hand over yours and looks you in the eye. He swallows, letting your words sink in. Your kindness toward him is enough to spur enough confidence in him.

He brings your hand to his lips and kisses your knuckle gently.

He doesn't miss the shocked expression on your face. Startled, you take your hand back and stand up, but you don't walk away.

Already, he misses your touch.

He's not sorry for what he did, even if your reaction hurt him a little.

"Walker will not bring you harm. As your bodyguard I vow to protect you and see this through. I will not stop until Walker is stopped too."

Helmut looks at you with so much longing. His heart feels full. He smiles.

And I vow to protect you. I will not let him hurt you too. Walker will not hurt the people I love again.

He just can't bring himself to say it out loud.

Zemo no longer cares if it's your duty to protect him. He will not let you get hurt by the hands of Walker again.

When the time comes, the Baron will rest and the Colonol will come out to play.

I promise.

@thesuitkovian @justfangirlthingies @belle82devart @zemosimp420 @anteroom-of-death @silverlambcaptain @that-stupid-head-tilt-thing @lieutenantn @daniielbruhl @awesomesauce-abbie @latenightartist-author @lazygurl05 @rumblelibrary @nonamec0s @shura-gorl @ginger-abreu @caligrl1992 @livvyshmiv @luciadiosa @vverliebt @tatooineisdry @charistory @somethingthatsaysbubbles @apparrio @alex-the-nb @thewrongkhristol @hb8301 @the-chaotic-cow @mssennimatilda @uncomfortablebagel @fictionlandslanddreams

[mimisempai]

I will never give up on you

Summary:

Now that things are back to normal, Mobius begins to wonder if he is the right person for Loki and is willing to let him go so he can be happy. Loki will prove to Mobius that he too can lean on Loki.

🌈 Happy Pride month ! 🌈

To celebrate, 1 day, 1 story.

Be ready for smiles, laugh, fluff, tooth rotthing fluff, positive vibes and a lot of love!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32223349

2170 words - Rating G

"Oh my! Did you see Loki at the briefing this morning?!"

"He had that adorable smile again!"

"You mean the smile that would light up the whole room if it was night?"

"Yes!!!"

Mobius couldn't help but smile as he heard the gossip of the latest recruits.

After all it was not uncommon for people, girls or boys, to rave about his lover who really had the figure of a god.

Sometimes it made Mobius conscious of his own appearance and he wondered what could attract Loki to him, while the TVA was full of female or male specimens much more attractive than himself.

He continued on his way, with a slightly less energetic step when Miss Minutes' small, knowing voice called out, "That smile is not for you!"

The group of girls cried out, "What?!!! Then who is it for!"

"That's not for me to say." She replied in a mysterious tone. Then she continued clapping her little white-gloved hands, ending the discussion. "Come on, the class on time travel paradoxes is about to start!"

Mobius, continuing on his way to his office, thought about what Miss Minutes had just said.

There were few of them who knew about the relationship between Loki and him. Miss Minutes, Casey and Sylvie.

It wasn't that they had made it a secret.

Honestly if Mobius listened to himself, he'd be shouting it to the world.

But he couldn't help but wonder.

They hadn't really discussed their relationship yet, and Mobius was afraid to broach the subject. He was afraid that now that they were living a fairly normal life, as normal as it could be considering the circumstances, Loki would realize that he could do much better than a plain looking, not-so-young agent.

The circumstances of their meeting had been particular, he had been what the god had needed and now he wondered what he could bring him.

Before Loki, the life of Mobius had been the TVA, he had had some affairs, with Revonna for example, but nothing serious.

Then there was Loki, who had made his way into Mobius' heart very quickly.

In the next hallway, as he turned towards the door of his office, he saw the object of his thoughts surrounded by a small group of people. They were talking animatedly.

Suddenly Loki began to smile. The same smile that he had whenever he saw Mobius, the one the girls were talking about before.

But this time the smile wasn't directed at him.

Mobius' throat tightened. Maybe it was time to free Loki and let him fly away.

So he spent the day avoiding him. Every time Loki came near or wanted to talk to him, Mobius found an excuse to leave or found a way to slip away.

When Casey had picked him up for their daily lunch in the cafeteria, he had declined.

His actions did not go unnoticed by the object of his affection.

Loki sensed that something was wrong.

These last times, he had the impression that they got closer and Mobius was not averse to dispense signs of affection that Loki returned him well.

Loki wondered what he had done. Because if something went wrong, it was surely his fault. He had a gift for ruining his relationships with people. However, for once, Loki didn't want to give up until he had tried everything. Because he had changed, or rather he was who he was supposed to be and not who other people had decided was destined to be and he owed that to Mobius.

It was time for them to have a serious discussion about their relationship and it would happen now. He walked with a determined step towards Mobius' office, entered and closed the door gently behind him.

Mobius, standing in front of the window, had not heard him enter.

Loki approached him gently, embraced him from behind, put his chin on his shoulder and whispered in his ear.

"I finally caught my runaway boyfriend..."

He knew he was taking a risk by putting a label on something they hadn't defined yet, and he didn't miss the way Mobius froze when Loki said the word boyfriend.

He simply tightened his arms around Mobius.

"Hey..." murmured Mobius. He couldn't help but lean his head against Loki's on his shoulder.

Once again the god had baffled him, and he didn't know what to address first, the fact that Loki had noticed him avoiding him or the way he had called him. Boyfriend...

He turned in Loki's arms and looked up to meet Loki's gaze.

"I..." he paused, unable to sort out his thoughts at the way Loki looked at him. He could see tenderness and devotion, and something more that he couldn't define.

Loki smiled and said softly, "It's rare that you have trouble finding your words."

Mobius muttered, "Not everyone can be talkie talkie like you."

Loki took on a falsely outraged look, "Hey I thought you liked that!"

"I do."

Actually, it wasn't the only thing he liked.

His expression tightened and Loki noticed the change in his countenance. He ran his fingertips gently over Mobius' face and asked softly, "Hey, tell me what's wrong? I'm not blind, you know, I've seen how you've been avoiding me all day. Is it something I did or didn't do? Tell me Mobius, because if I don't know, I can't change anything. And what's between us is too precious to me to ruin in any way. And I-"

Mobius interrupted him by putting a finger over his mouth.He had been appalled as Loki spoke to him, because he realized that he who prided himself on being clear-headed and able to read people, had been wrong about everything, and that his fear of facing things head-on had made Loki insecure and worse, made him feel guilty when there was no reason to.

He had been appalled as Loki spoke to him, because he realized that he who prided himself on being clear-headed and able to read people had been wrong about everything, and that his fear of facing things head-on had made Loki insecure and worse, made him feel guilty when there was no reason to.

From the beginning, they had been honest and sincere with each other. Loki had not hesitated to bare his heart more than once, showing unwavering trust in Mobius and at the first obstacle Mobius was not able to show him the same trust?

He had to stop acting like an idiot. As humiliating as it might be, it was up to him to bare his heart, to expose his fears and insecurities.

"Stop Loki.This isn't you, I promise you, you didn't do anything wrong."

Not daring to look him in the eye, he told him everything, the conversation he had witnessed in the morning, which had triggered this path of thoughts, leading to his doubts and fears.

"And now I feel like such an idiot for reacting that way instead of facing the problem head on. For being jealous like a teenager."

Loki lifted his chin with his hand and Mobius saw that he was looking at him with the same fond eyes as before as he shook his head.

"I don't know where to start, but the first thing I want you to know is that just because when we first met, I was the one who needed you, doesn't mean you have to be strong all the time. I'm certainly not going to judge you for a moment of doubt. Honestly, that you were jealous of this group of people, I don't know if that's flattering or ridiculous or a little of both. But I want to reassure you of one thing. Do you know why I was smiling like that? It's because they were talking about you, that when they finished their training they wanted to become an agent like you. I was just smiling because I was proud of my boyfriend.And by the way, about the label, honestly I don't care, I called you boyfriend before because that's what came to my mind spontaneously, the most important thing is what's here." said Loki pointing at Mobius' chest.

"That's just it." intervened Mobius, "I think my doubts come mainly from the fact that I don't know what's here." in turn he pointed to Loki's chest. "We never talked about what was between us. And you know me, as much as I like a little chaos, I like to know where I'm going. It probably makes me an annoyingly serious person, but that's just the way I am."

It was Loki's turn to put a finger to Mobius' lips to shut him up.

"I don't see it that way, we complement each other, and that's fine. Mobius, you know I often talk to say nothing and not so long ago, while we were on Lamentis with Sylvie, I tried to define love, a little drunk I found a ridiculous metaphor about a dagger. When all I would have had to do was to draw inspiration from reality. I know perfectly well what I would answer now if she asked me again to define love. I would tell her love is someone who is not afraid to put you in front of your failures so that you realize that you are better than what you are, it is someone who sees the good in you and better who sees the good that you are being able to do, love is being confidently able to fall asleep in the presence of someone you trust, love is wanting the person you love to believe in you, love is knowing that if you fall down you will be helped up, it is wanting his face to be the first one you see in the morning and the last one at night. "

He wiped a tear that spilled from Mobius' eye with his thumb before continuing, "Mobius, I don't need a metaphor to describe love since I have you."

He then leaned towards Mobius, closing the little distance that still separated them and placed his lips on his and set about proving his words in the most beautiful way possible.

When they separated to catch their breath, Loki pressed Mobius' head against his chest, tightening his arms around him as Mobius tied his arms around Loki's waist.Loki simply rested his chin on Mobius' head and they stayed like that for a long time, embracing each other in front of the window, in a comforting silence.

Mobius felt Loki's heart beating fast and strong against his ear and realized how much courage it took to open his heart like that, without waiting for Mobius' answer.

No! He didn't have to hide anymore. Loki had shown courage in facing their relationship head on and he was going to do the same!

He pushed himself back, forcing Loki to loosen his grip and took his hand. He looked into Loki's eyes and with a pounding heart said, "You know I knew you before we met, I had watched your life story several times, and it was during those viewings that I fell in love with you. Don't make round eyes like that. Once you take off the shell, when you see past the mischief and missteps, it's so easy to love you. When you first came here, you showed all the qualities I saw in you and made me fall in love with you all over again, and now that you've broken free of your chains, I fall in love with you every day."

Loki grinned a little shakily before saying, "You realize that makes us the biggest sappy idiots in this world."

"No witnesses, no proof." Mobius pulled his lover's head toward him to wipe away his cheeky smile with a kiss that left them both panting.

"How about we continue this at home."

They walked out of the office, Mobius locked the door, and when he turned around, Loki was holding out his hand. He grasped it, and with intertwined fingers they walked towards their home.

Suddenly, they found themselves face to face with two of the girls Mobius had heard talking that morning.

They stopped, and he saw their eyes fixed on their locked hands. The girls started walking past them and they heard them giggling and whispering behind them.

They looked at each other, smiling.

"Do you realize that tomorrow the whole of the TVA staff will know about this?" asked Loki.

"That's fine with me, I won't need to show that you're mine."

"That's a shame, I'd like to see you possessive. Maybe I should smile more often for others than you." replied Loki with a suggestive raise of his eyebrow.

Mobius growled, "Loki..."

Only the god's mischievous laughter answered him. They continued on their way home, bickering lovingly under the watchful eyes of two witnesses who couldn't wait until the next day to spread the news: Agent Mobius was responsible for Agent Loki's radiant smile.

Epilogue here : X

_______

Not beta'd I hope you enjoyed it 🥰

The whole series here : Together, For all time, Always

[tinyboxxtink]

"Doppelganger" *Part 18*

Alright I went back and forth with this one, I even had a whole other idea where to take this, but I ended up here. And you know to be honest I think it ended up working out because it really does explain a LOT. I just did it inadvertently.

Also I hate to ask this but if you enjoy my stuff can you PLEASE reblog it and not just like it? It really helps me out more because more people see it, liking it doesn't really do anything.

I love you all!!!

Part 17

Part 19

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[OMG I LOVE HIS FACE SO MUCH. I don't wanna give any spoilers but watch it when you read the line that starts: "I don't know what else to do--" . Wait, can you tell it's a face he's making like, he's about to cry because he doesn't know what you expect him to do because that's the context of the gif. It's when Alex is like I didn't do shit blah blah blah and he's like "It's all gonna come out Alex, I don't know how else to help you if you're just gonna be this way! Kinda like Cest La Vie, ya know? Did I overexplain it?]

--------------------------

The next few days consisted of a lot of cuddling and binging, you two in your own little bubble. Rafael didn’t have any big cases at the moment, so he was able to do most of his paperwork and things from home. After a long discussion, you decided that you were going to take the rest of the semester off; at least until things cooled down, people forgot about the whole ‘Nevada’ debacle, and wouldn’t hound you anymore. You were enjoying your bubble when Rafael just had to pop it.

You were in the middle of binging some courtroom drama [DUN DUN] when he turned to you and said:

“...Baby, remember when you said you’d talk to someone…?”

There it was. The other shoe dropped. The music had come, you had to face it.

“I um, yeah…” You looked down and played with the string on Rafael’s HARVARD hoodie you were currently wearing.

“Well I found numbers of some pretty good psychiatrists that deal with PTSD and--”

“Psychiatrists?!” You suddenly sat upright. “Y-You want me to go to a shrink?”

“Well, I thought that’s what--”

“I thought you just wanted me to talk to one of your-- squad, people,” You were starting to panic. You didn’t want some stranger knowing your business; how would you even begin to explain the situation?!

“I mean, if that’s what you want--”

“That’s what I want,” You cut him off. “As long as it’s not Olivia,”

“Okay, whatever you need baby,” He kissed the top of your head.

-----

That next week you had agreed to sit down and talk with Sonny Carisi. Rafael was stunned when you asked to talk to a guy, but you said it made you feel more comfortable for whatever reason. He was seriously hesitant for some reason, but then agreed. The conversation went like this:

“What are you worried I'll latch on to him, fall in love with him like people do with their mentors?” You teased.

“Ha ha….” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He didn’t find it amusing at all.

“....Baby I was just kidding,” You put a hand to his chest. “That takes months-- or y’know, a glance at a photo in a temp office,” You giggled, thinking about how you met and fell in love.

“Yeah no I know,” He gave you a very weird smile. “Just um, y’know don’t get into too much detail about us, okay? Just stick to the Nevada thing,”

“...Um, okay…?” You looked at him curiously.

“I just don’t want my co-workers knowing our personal stuff, carino,” He assured you. Well that made sense.

----

So here you were, sitting in an interrogation room with Sonny Carisi. He looked about as uncomfortable as you felt. Though you couldn’t understand why he would be worried, you were the one ‘on trial’ here.

“So um, Miss Y/L/N,” He cleared his throat.

“Y/F/N is fine, Mr. Carisi,”

“Sonny, please,” He nodded. “So, Y/N-- I uh, so...did you wanna talk about anything?”

“....I mean, you’re the SVU detective here Sonny. Don’t you have a list of questions you have to ask me?”

“I mean, we already know most of it. You were kidnapped by a guy who looked like Barba, you had sex with him a lot--”

“Excuse me?” You cut him off. “Is that what your little paper says? ‘I had sex with him a lot’? I was assaulted, multiple times,”

“Right,” He nodded nervously. “Yeah no, of course I’m sorry that’s what I meant,”

“...Did Olivia write this?” You narrowed your eyes.

“Excuse me?”

“Did Olivia write this report?” You repeated.

“Why would you ask that?” He asked you nervously.

“Because it doesn’t exactly sound like I’m the victim in that report,” You crossed your arms. “It sounds like someone who has a personal bias towards my fiancé, who thinks that this was my fault. That I should’ve known the difference between him and some criminal. Maybe someone who thinks they would’ve known better if they were in the situation. Maybe someone who thinks he should be with someone who knows them like they do,”

“....That’s a lot of assumption on your part, Y/N,” Sonny turned the paper upwards while he dismissed your conspiracy theory.

“...Is it?” You narrowed your eyes. “Let me see it,”

“Y’know these things are private information for the NYPD Y/N, and--” Before he could finish, you swiped the paper from him. You noticed his face go white, he stopped talking. Jesus, did everyone want to protect precious Olivia? You scanned the paper, your eyes went wide when you saw who filled it out.

“....You filled this out,” You said softly, looking at him. He was looking at the floor. “Y-You, filled this out Mr. Carisi,”

“Sonny--” He said in a shaky voice.

“Oh ok, SONNY,” You tossed the paper at him. “You--You don’t even know me. Do you? Have we met before? Did I offend you in some past life?”

“No, no of course not--”

“.....Or have I offended you by dating your mentor--oh my god, your mentor,” You suddenly remembered the conversation you had with Rafael a few days before.

“I...I have to go,” You suddenly stood up and walked out of the room briskly, Sonny trailed behind you. Rafael had been waiting in the squad room to take you home after you were done, you stomped across the room to him.

“Hey, baby done so soon--? What’s wrong?” He looked at you with concern.

“....Were you screwing Carisi?” you growled.

“Excuse me?” He asked in a panicked tone.

“WERE YOU FUCKING YOUR MENTEE BEFORE ME,” You practically screamed, causing the whole precinct to stop and stare. Rafael looked around the room horrified, then glanced at Sonny who had an apologetic look on his face. “He--”

“Oh no no no, don’t blame this on him,” You stood in front of his eyeline to Sonny. “...Is that what you do, Rafael? Y-You seduce your interns and sleep with them? W-Was I just a tick on the wall?”

“NO,” He shook his head and took your hand. “Can we-- Can we do this outside, please?”

“Why? Because you don’t want everyone to know ‘our’ personal life, or ‘yours’?” You huffed as you skulked out of the building.

“Barba I’m sorry, she just--” Sonny tried to explain.

“We are not done with this, Carisi,” Rafael growled at him before he ran after you.

-----

He caught you outside the precinct, breathing heavily trying not to have a panic attack.

“What is wrong with you?” Rafael asked you, making you stop altogether.

“A-Are you serious?” You half laughed in disbelief. “You send me into the lion’s den without any warning, and then I just get to find out that I’m just one of the many--”

“Oh knock it off, Y/N,” He stopped you. “You know that’s not true,”

“It’s not? Then what the fuck was that?”

“Okay,” He sighed. “Okay fine maybe I should have-- insist on you talking to someone else,”

“....You think THAT’S the problem here?”

“Look Y/N. Carisi and I...we... we got drunk a few times, and we-- y’know,” He shrugged uncomfortably.

“Oh God…” You wouldn’t throw up on the sidewalk, you told yourself.

“And he caught feelings from it! I can’t control how he feels!” He gestured towards the building.

“...So does that mean that you ‘y’know’ with Olivia a few times, and SHE ‘caught feelings’ from it? Because I distinctly remember you telling me that nothing ever happened between you two,”

“....Under your spell,” He mumbled.

“Excuse me?” You almost fell over.

“I--” He looked around nervously. “I said that, under your spell. You think that when I was ‘in love’ with you I was going to tell you that I fucked the woman you were threatened by?”

“...Did....did you just use quotes? Did you just air quote you being in love with me?”

“Well I wasn’t exactly under my own free will now was I?” He snapped.

“I can’t...I can’t believe you’re using that against me,” You looked to the side with a dry laugh, refusing to cry.

“Look I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--” He tried to go for your hand, but you weren’t having it. “Look my point was, you and I-- we’re not the same. Our relationship isn’t the same as them--”

“No, it’s not. Because you slept with them WILLINGLY, right? And I just tricked you into it? Like Nevada did with me? Because we’re the same?”

“Alright now you’re just--” He rolled his eyes.

“What? What am I JUST--?” You crossed your arms, upset he wasn’t taking this seriously.

“I thought we were doing all of this to get past this, Y/N,” He sighed in frustration.

“So did I!” You stomped your foot, tears choking your throat. “But--But, what if we can’t? This whole time, this WHOLE time. You--”

“Y/N baby stop--” He tried putting his hand on your shoulder but you backed away.

“You KNEW how bad I felt about doing that to you! You told me that, that I just ‘brought out your real feelings’, but….but that’s not true, is it?” You paced while talking and then paused when you asked the question.

“Yes it is! I mean, mostly….” He added the last part with a mumble.

“Mostly?” Your blood ran cold.

“I mean I thought you were attractive, but I didn’t know anything about you. And--And you didn’t know anything about me, Y/N. You weren’t in love with me either, you had a crush on me. But that day we spent together, it really did make me fall in love with you! After I remembered how I felt, I wanted to keep feeling that way all the time! I wanted to be with you, I knew we were meant to be together after that--”

“Oh my god--” You laughed again, putting your hands over your head. “This is insane. This is...this is insane,”

“Baby look when you think about it the whole thing is insane. But we’re here--”

“No, you’re right Rafael,” You put your hands in between you, preventing him from coming closer. “We are insane. But I thought it was the ‘only in the movies kind of love’ insane. But apparently, it’s just an insane mental institution insane,” You started to walk away but he ran in front of you.

“No. Uh Uh. You’re not walking away from this. Not again, not ever again,”

“What are you gonna hold me hostage now? Like I did with your feelings?” You rolled your eyes, but then it hit you. That was your entire problem. That’s what this all boiled down to. This is what it’s ALWAYS been about.

“...That’s it,” You whispered.

“...What is?” He looked at you curiously.

“...We started this on a lie, I started us on a lie,”

“Wha--- no, no you--” He shook his head.

“I did!” You finally let tears fall. “You just said it yourself, I made you feel those things. You--- you didn’t feel anything more for me than Olivia or Carisi! You just wanted to sleep with me! But I--I made you have romantic feelings for me. And-- And ever since that day, that magical perfect day when I accepted that it wasn’t real, I was right!”

“No, no--” He tried to protest.

“YES, Rafael! And-- and ever since then, ever since you, we-- I’ve always had it in the back of my mind that you’re STILL under that influence! That-- that one day you’re going to realize ‘oh hey you know what I actually don’t give a shit about you, my bad!’,” You began pacing, thinking out loud as it all came to the surface.

“And--And, I just still have it in my mind that I’m not good enough for you, I’ll NEVER be good enough for you! And-- these things just keep happening, that are telling me I’M RIGHT. I couldn’t tell you apart from Nevada, I did things with him knowing it hurt you, I did DRUGS even though on some level I knew it would hurt you, and what it all boils down to is I’ve kept you hostage in this relationship!”

“NO, you have not,” Rafael took you by the shoulders. “I get why you feel like this, Y/N baby I really do. And-- And I’m sorry I wasn’t upfront about Sonny and Olivia but I knew you are already so insecure about our relationship--”

“FOR GOOD REASON!!!”

“NO! NOT for good reason!” He tried not to yell as not to cause a scene but he needed you to hear him.

“Look maybe we-- we started out unconventionally. But that was MONTHS ago, baby. Have I-- have I not shown you time and time again, how much I really do love you? I--I made a fucking flash mob for you, do you know how long that took? How much self esteem did I have to suck it up to perform in front of people again? But I did it for you,” He started to cry.

“I risked my life for you so many times when Nevada had you. I could have just let him keep you. Especially after--” He stopped, quickly noting that bringing that up again was only going to take three steps back.

“I--I dropped everything to stay home and protect you! Do those things not make you feel loved? Do you think that all of that is...is fabricated?” He was the one crying and laughing in disbelief now.

“I don’t--- I don’t know what else to do to prove to you that I love you of my own free will. TELL ME what I can do to prove that to you, and I’ll do it! What is going to prove to you that I won’t leave you, that I won’t suddenly wake up one day and realize I was under some spell all along? Tell me!” He begged you, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“....Marry me,” You finally answered softly.

“....What?” He looked at you quizzically. “Baby I already proposed--”

“Yeah but that’s not definite, Rafael,” You held up your bare hand. “Look! It’s not even real right now!”

“A piece of jewelry doesn’t--”

“It does to me!” You took his hands. “Look, I’m--I’m sorry I am the way that I am, but I can’t change it. I--I need physical proof. I know that you’ve done all of this heroic and crazy stuff for me, but-- but my stupid brain won’t accept that! I need something, something physical. Actual proof that I can look at, to know I’m safe. To know you’re going to stay with me,”

“....Okay,” He nodded, looking down at your hand while rubbing your ring finger.

“Okay?” You asked warily. “You’re just going to accept that?”

“....I’ve put up with all of your other craziness up to this point, have I not?” He smirked.

“Hey that’s not--” You started to argue but he gave you a look. “Alright fine, yes you have,”

“Okay,” He looked up at you with a smile. “I’ll marry you. I’ll marry you right now, we can go into the chapel in the back and--” He started leading you back to the station.

“Wha, no no no,” You cried and laughed, wiping the tears from your face. “Okay I didn’t mean this second. Just...soon,”

“Soon?” He looked at you curiously.

“Really soon?” You bit your lip.

“Like, tomorrow soon?”

“Like….I don’t know, maybe a month? Two? I kind of want a reasonably cute wedding,”

“Not a huge expensive one….”

“Rafael how many people do I know that would come to my wedding? You and Chloe. That’s it. And Chloe will be standing next to me,”

“You have Maria,”

“Maria’s your...mom?”

“Second mom,” He chuckled. “But she could sit on your side. With her husband. And if you go inside and make nice with the rest of the squad, they can sit on your side,”

“...Make nice with the people I just had a meltdown in front of?” You raised an eyebrow.

“...They’ve seen worse, trust me,” He teased.

“...Okay but after that, can we--?” You raised your hand, and he read your mind.

“I’ll call Tiffany's and tell them we’ll be stopping by,” He shook his head with another laugh.

“...Really? Fancy,” You grinned.

“You’re easy to please,” He shook his head with a laugh as you walked back into the station hand in hand.

[karenwilson]

Buck and his romantic relationships

Honestly there is so much to dig into when it comes to Buck and his romantic relationships. There are some constants that can be found in nearly all of his relationships and some things that are constantly changing and evolving.

One think that strikes me about the women he has dated were strong and independent or arrived there at the end. Abby, Ali, Taylor, even Veronica they all stood their ground and were their own champions. They put their needs and mental & physical well-being first, something that society always expects women not to do. It's something I actually really appreciate about their storylines even if it comes with Buck being unhappy. None of the women set out to hurt him, they just didn't want to put themselves second. And that is perfectly okay.

But let's dive deeper into each of his relationships. Bear with me, it's a long one.

Abby Clark

Abby was his first serious relationship and now we know why. Due to his upbringing and his parents' abusive behaviour he never really forged any important relationships apart from Maddie. I think it got even worse when he got the jeep as he skipped from place to place, never staying for long anywhere. He didn't have ties anywhere and that made him restless and only seek out sex to forge some intimacy because that was all he thought he could get and something that would hurt him the least.

Anyway with Abby he was able to connect with a woman (one he wasn't working with anyway) on a deeper level. It only worked because it didn't start out as something physical. He didn't know what she looked, only knew her voice and good heart. I doubt they even would've met had it not been for the 911 calls, because they have so little in common.

Buck is actually pretty self-aware when it comes to his behaviour around women but hasn't really faced it before. That's why he tells her that he thinks it isn't a good idea if they meet, because he's worried he'll revert back to his usual coping strategies and it'll end up with him losing their connection.

But we also see that he's inexperienced and that although he knows how to seduce women he's lacking self-confidence in other aspects. He doesn't know unconditional love apart from Maddie and even that trust was broken when she didn't leave with him, when she left him behind. So he often worries he'll do something wrong and put her off; he goes over the top to get her attention - which he has done before in his life. Remember, he could only ever get his parents' attention when he did something big and reckless.

Abby has her own shit to deal with and Buck doesn't really know what to do with that in the beginning. It's not the light-hearted, sweet relationship he might have been hoping for but instead serious and heavy. But helped by Bobby's advice he works through his doubts and puts himself out there, puts Abby first. He always puts other people first, because that's who he is (and lbr, it's not healthy). Sadly to his own detriment because he is more invested than she is; Abby has her sick mother to take care of and is drawn in several directions at once. That's a heavy burden for anyone, especially someone working fulltime. She doesn't want to put her mother in a home as it wouldn't feel right but I also think it comes from a place of societal pressure for women to take care of other people. When her mother dies I actually thought it was a very real and important step for Abby to take put herself first, to take care of her own needs and do something that's vital to her claiming herself again.

I think Buck understands why she has to go but it still leaves him with the impression that he's never good enough, that people always leave. Because that's the experience he's made in life and nothing has changed that for him yet. And I totally get where he is coming from, that he believes it's his fault that she leaves, that he isn't good enough, that she doesn't love him enough. I do believe Abby never felt as deeply for Buck as he did for her but even if she did, sometimes love doesn't fix people. Abby was broken and exhausted and that's something Buck couldn't help with but that doesn't mean he wasn't enough.

She definitely did him dirty by leaving him in the dark and not giving him a clean break when she knew she was ready to move on.

Thanks to Maddie and the 118 he was able to partly work through those issues and put himself out there again.

Ali Martin

To be honest, Buck dating Ali came out of nowhere for me. Yes, they did connect a bit at the beginning of season two but I honestly didn't see her coming back as a love interest for Buck.

(And is it just me or do I just not remember it but Bobby stopped giving Buck relationship advice after Abby???)

But I thought they were really cute when they were together; the show just didn't make a very good job of establishing their relationship. They had to few scenes on the show but that was by design. I think the show never intended to keep Ali around, she was (sadly) just a plot device for the show to propel Buck's development. It established Buck's behaviours and the patterns in his romantic relationships. He years for deeper connections and a serious romantic relationship that he gets in too deep too fast. Buck doesn't do shit halfway, he gives it his all.

With Ali he was able to go the next steps of moving on from Abby, he had someone who made him happy for a while but of course the show had to reassert that people leave Buck, further damaging his self-esteem. I think it's perfectly understandable for her wanting to end their relationship at this point, when remaining in it would cause her too much pain and grief by always being worried about Buck and whether he would come home that night, would still be alive. That's a lot for anyone to deal with. So it was better for her to get out at that point instead of dragging it out and therefore making it more painful for both of them when it eventually ended.

But Buck doesn't view it as her leaving because of the dangers of his job but because of him. So yet another person leaves him because he's not enough, not right. Being a firefighter is important to Buck, he sees it as his calling, something he is good at and feels right. He defines himself by his job and that ends up doing damage, especially after the bombing and his subsequent leg injury. Buck feels lost when he can't do his job anymore because he feels like he IS his job. That's why Maddie telling him he's good enough and is worth everything even without his job was so important. His job is an important part of who he is but he isn't his job.

Taylor Kelly

I think with Taylor we saw the mere-exposure effect. Buck has a bit of a thing for voices as we first saw with Abby. With Taylor he knew her voice, heard her whenever he drove to work and obviously liked what he was hearing. And when he met her during that accident he was attracted to her not just by voice but by her looks as well.

Because of his dating experience with Abby and Ali and generally just trying to be a good person, he doesn't want Taylor to get the wrong idea. He likes her, possibly wants to get to know her more and doesn't want to leave her with the wrong impression. Taylor isn't having any of it, because she knows what she wants and what she wants isn't a relationship with him when they first meet. She's young, confident, successful and takes what she needs.

For Buck he has to cut the cord before he gets in too deep. He knows what he wants now and he doesn't want to fall back into his old habits of having sex and not having a meaningful connection. And if he doesn't get out he might fall too fast too hard already knowing it won't go anywere. Plus Taylor tries to expose secrets about his work family and quasi-dad and that would never work. Even if Buck wants romantic love he's not going to step on his 118 family to get it.

When they meet again more than a year later there are no hard feelings (whether that's amnesia on the writers' part or Buck has come to terms with her behaviour we don't know [yet]). Due to their previous actions Buck seems to think Taylor isn't a human being with feelings and hasn't been changed by the pandemic as well. I love Buck but it's ironic that he didn't want to hurt her in season two but inadvertently does so by using her as a shield in season four without her consent. I don't like what he did at all and Taylor was absolutely right on hanging him out to dry on that "double date" and calling him out on him using her like this, by not telling her what she was about to walk into. From her reaction we know he presented the situation differently because he (rightly) figured she might not come otherwise.

It'll be interesting for me to see where their relationship is going. I'd love for them to become friends and see where it takes them from there.

Veronica

I'm only including her for two reasons: She was Buck's first step to dipping his toe back into the dating pool again and acted as a catalyst to rekindle/change Buck and Taylor's relationship. Plus she also fits the strong woman type Buck goes for (although she additionally has a no-fucks-given attitude and isn't here to coddle anyone and their feelings).

To be honest, looking back on it Buck felt a bit OOC to me during their date. I mean yeah, he's just starting to date again and isn't used to doing it anymore and people change but... He didn't have a problem talking to Ali, Abby, Taylor or any of the women he chatted up with at bars and other places before. Why would he suddenly get so flustered? Even if they started on the wrong foot and he put his foot in his mouth... it just like it was put by the writers there for the laughs and not because it's how Buck would (re)act?? It just feels weird to me now. What did feel real to me was his need to impress her and makes sure she likes him, because Buck needs to be liked and he's really uncomfortable with somone not liking him and not knowing where he stands. He needs to clear the air now, to know what's going on so he can move on. After Abby and being left to doubt himself and being left in the dark about where they stand has left a mark on him (see also him making sure to talk it out with the 118 and especially Eddie after the lawsuit).

Well, that's it for now.

[chronicalchaos]

Wick modern AU: Explained +Some fun facts

Uhm, i was gonna wait until i finish this AU's synopsis and new book cover, but both will be taking a while until they get ready...

And i wanted to post this "overview" for a while now, anyways, here's some fun facts and a summary of the story:

Old book cover:

I'm really proud of Sam's shading, but the twins look weird and Tom looks old...I won't use this cover, 'cus Travis and Duncan are main characters as well and i want to include them on the cover. +My art style changed!

Story summary:

Just a quick thing! I changed quite a few things to fit the narrative and the modern days setting, i hope you understand!

The story of this AU happens in September 2014, a little less than a month until Sam’s birthday, where the Weavers aren't dead– Well, most of them aren't...

The narrative is centered on a curse, that was based on the audio that plays when you pick up Benny's bible, where 7 people are affected by it: Tim, Tom, John, Sam, John's brother/Sam's dad(I won't name him), Mary and James.

Sam's, Travis' and Duncan's side of the story will be more on the investigative side maybe with a bit of comedy(I'm not good with writing that, so it will most likely be just investigation), while Tim and Tom's side will be the more angst and unusual/horror side. Sam will have a bit of horror as well, since he's linked with them by the curse, but the twins will definitely have the spotlight when it comes to horror/unusual stuff.

Fun Facts:

General:

The story happens a week, maybe a bit more, after summer break

Even tho one of the first chapters is set on school, them going to school will probably just be mentioned or implied, Example: Them leaving a school bus

For some reason, i saw a few stories where everyone knew what polio is and how it works, which i felt it wouldn't be realistic, so that won't happen here

It has a lot of paranormal stuff

The summer camp by the Weaver's property is closed and has been like that for a few years now

Just Mary and James call the twins Changelings, the rest of the city knows there are "changelings" walking around, just, not that the twins are them

There's no changelings, they think there is, but in reality it's just a curse(like that's something lighter than a demon switched with a child at birth)

The song that helps me get in the mood of this story when I'm writing is "Far too young to die" by Panic! At the disco

Timas Weaver:

Tim is 12, he'll be 13 in...approximately 3 months

He was born December 30th 2001 and is the oldest between him and Tom

He's almost an inch shorter than Tom

He has a huge burn scar! It goes from a bit more than half of his chest, both his arms, his palms and his whole neck, he got that scar when he was 3 years old

He's does not have asthma, but he does have extreme pyrophobia on it's place

He has flat affect, his face doesn't match his emotions/he looks serious most of the time(I'm so sorry if I don't portrait it right! Please give me constructive criticism if I do something wrong here!)

He's a theater kid and would be quoting a lot of musicals if Mary didn't isolate him and Tom from the world(The theater part only exists because of his and Tom's masks)

The whittling thing exists here, but like, it won't be of much importance to the story, the knife will! But not the whittle part

He despises spiders and it's Tom's fault!

He climbs trees (there's not much I can say here to be honest)

He has this...i don't know if you can call it a quirk, but, he tends to tilt his head to the left, it's kinda random

He's ambidextrous, was left handed, but Mary forced him to learn to use his right hand

He teached himself how to throw knifes...don't mess with him

Paranoia!

Needs therapy

Tomathy Weaver:

Tom is 12 and will be 13 in approximately 3 months

He was born December 30th 2001 and is the youngest between him and Tim

He's almost an inch taller than Tim

He doesn't have Polio now, he did when he was...around 5 years old

His left leg is bigger than his right one, his right feet reaches his left ankle

His left ankle is paralyzed, that's why he uses a leg brace

He's claustrophobic, he developed that on the same day Tim got his scar and pyrophobia

He won first place on a spelling bee before he got Polio and he used to spell when he got anxious, but after John's disappearence he started shuddering, shaking and cracking his joints instead, very similar to how he shudders on the game

He loves spiders!

He is really flexible, but, because of his polio, he can't play around with it anymore

He likes to draw

He has pretty bad scoliosis

Paranoia #2!

Socially awkward baby

Went to therapy when little, needs to go back

Caleb Weaver:

Caleb is 9 years old

He was born August 19th 2005

He's almost the same height as Timas

He was a year old when Tom had polio

He's actually James' kid, not John's

He won first place in 2014's(the year the story happens) county track meet

He dislikes Tim

Lillian Weaver:

Lillian is 5 years old

She was born February 28th 2009

She's a bit tall for her age

She's notorious for making little deals between her and her siblings, like helping them get away with something in exchange of something(getting her out of class during their recess, buying a new plushy, etc.)

She's a really curious and affectionate kid, loves hugs, kisses and especially being picked on someone's lap

She loves bunnies(even tho this isn't a surprise)

Benjamin Weaver:

Benjamin is 14 years old and will be 15 in less then a month

He was born October 24th 1999

He's just really tall compared to the twins (it's kinda funny, Tim and Tom are 4 years older than Caleb, but they are just an inch taller than him)

He's really religious and prays a lot for his siblings' health and safety

He's been trying to take care of Tom after John's disappearence, since Mary doesn't do it, much the opposite, she hides Tom's medicines on purpose

Mary Weaver:

I didn't give her neither an age nor a birthday...i probably need to do that

She had an affair with James, when the twins were 4 and Benny was 6, Caleb was born from this affair

She doesn't hit any of her kids, but she does neglect most of them

On the nights between Saturday and Sunday, she doesn't sleep, she spends this time praying with a candle, then, before they go to church, she writes everything that happened that night on her diary

She has a lot of diaries, she keeps them in the attic

She's a little bitch(i don't know what else to say about her)

Pastor James McAlroy:

James also doesn't have an age nor birthday (i only have the Weaver kids and Sam's birthdays)

He won't appear much, but he does have a big role on the story

He's Caleb's biological dad(i mentioned that like 3 times already)

He tried doing a "honest-to-god exorcism" on the twins, it was just a cover for an attempt of murder

He's a toxic little shit(there's not much I can say about him)

Samuel Burton:

Sam is 12 years old and will be 13 in less than a month

He was born in October 2nd 2001

Him and Travis are Brothers on their mom's part

He's cousin with the Weavers, minus Caleb, they just don't know each other

He can be just as smug as Travis sometimes

He absolutely hates going on ghost hunting, he thinks it's dumb

He has long hair and freckles all over his body

He's just too lazy to tie his own shoes

He's the only one that remembers to bring a backpack when ghost hunting

While Travis is the camera man, he's the flashlight guy

Travis Burton:

Travis is 15 years old and i don't have a birthday for him, well, he would be born in 1999 just like Benny

He doesn't like wearing glasses, but doesn't have other choice, he either doesn't take proper care of his lenses and gets his eyes irritated or he just lost them

He's the face of his and Duncan's channel

He tries to drag Sam to be part of the channel, but he doesn't really want to be part of it

He cusses way too much

He's brave, only because he goes face first into danger without thinking

Duncan:

Duncan is 15 and would also be born in 1999

Big ass coward, sends Travis and Sam to go investigate on his place every fucking time

Entitled as fuck

The "brain" behind his and Travis' channel

He's suspiciously good on researching, he'll find the most unexpected things about you

He's a little shit as well

...i think that's it! Now i can go continue the first chapter and maybe finish it soon

[lesbianrobin]

em i'd Love to hear your thoughts on revenge of the sith !! it's my favorite star wars for some reason

your Favorite.... wow. i love that for you honestly it can be quite fun but i will be honest and say that i think it sucks So bad. pls don't hate me.

personally i think it's like. probably the worst of the prequel trilogy. they just get progressively worse but i felt like padme was one of the only decent parts of phantom menace/attack of the clones and then in revenge of the sith she literally didn't do anything besides get pregnant and die in the lamest way possible. like they couldn't even kill her in a meaningful or exciting way they were just like yeah actually this woman who's passionate about preserving democracy and protecting her people and has children just lost her will to live over anakin being anakin. it was So dumb like especially her going omg obi-wan no WAY he would kill younglings!! when anakin already told her in the last movie that he murdered a bunch of kids like dkvjdjjcdnc it's so ridiculous. like in phantom menace she spearheaded this big risky attack and in attack of the clones she insisted on going to rescue obi-wan despite the danger so idk why they couldn't have her Do something and get killed. they still could have made it anakin's fault yknow she could have gone down fighting against the sith takeover of the republic!! but she just. died because she didn't feel like living anymore. it could have been so cool if padme were like well aware that anakin has a dark side and maybe she rushed into their marriage in attack of the clones because they were young and in love etc but now in revenge of the sith she's starting to worry about the thought of them having children and like that becomes a Problem which helps drive the plot. idk.

honestly the whole movie was weird to me it felt almost like they hadn't really planned things out very well and they were scrambling to make anakin turn to the dark side and let palpatine take over as quickly as possible?? which is odd bc as far as i'm aware they had all three movies planned out from the start. but they ate up like All their time in attack of the clones with overly long and often goofy action sequences that didn't rly do much for any of the characters besides uhhhh chop off anakin's hand and give boba fett an angsty backstory. it's SO weird like they wanted to be super serious and angsty with this trilogy but they also wanted to show off as much cgi as possible and include some of the lamest and most annoying humor possible?? all at once?? and they didn't really accomplish anything they were going for in my opinion.

however, in its defense, revenge of the sith doesn't have jar jar in it, obi wan goes "it's over anakin i have the high ground!" palpatine tells us the tragedy of darth plagueis the wise, and anakin says every single line like he's fifteen and his mom just took away his xbox. so all of that is very fun.

[crossdressingdeath]

I'm sorry but all these recent it was okay for NMJ to lash out because he was "poisoned by rage" takes are really irritating to me. It reminds me of all the times people excuse JC lashing out at WWX or torturing people cause he's just so traumatized and angry. If NMJ felt his temper rising, as an adult and sect leader, he should have left the room, not attack JGY or destroy NHS's property. As for attacking JGY, it doesn't matter if he was guilty or suspicious, if NMJ had killed JGY without evidence, JGS would have destroyed the Nie sect regardless of how he felt about his son. Also I don't condone NMJ's death, it was clearly an assassination and power grab, but I don't think it is as simple as to be 100% due to the collection of turmoil. After all if NMJs cultivation didn't need medical intervention to be viable, it would have been much harder to kill him, or at least his death would been a lot more suspicious. Speaking of his cultivation, the Nies cultivate their sabers with the resentful energy of beasts, which sounds an awful lot like WWX's cultivation, and what was it that LWJ said, it harms the temperament. Also according to JGY, NMJ is only interested in his cultivation, to the exclusion of all other hobbies. Given how dangerous his cultivation method is and NMJ's extreme dedication to it, his worsened temperament should have been a clue to him that something was seriously wrong. I feel like at that point he should have stopped his cultivation to assess his condition instead of putting out his very busy sworn brothers to play for him personally, or at least paid the Lan sect for some vetted dedicated healers. I'm sorry if this sounds like NMJ hate but I'm tired of all the stories where the Nie sect is perfectly righteous and does nothing wrong and is against WWX for his demonic cultivation when they have been doing something very similar for centuries, including desecration of the dead to keep their sabers from going on murder sprees. As well as all the stories where the issues of the Nie sect are trivialized to "minor qi deviation issue" or "little saber tomb problem". Also, with this in mind I can see how it would have been easy for LXC to be turned against NMJ when he just saw the same thing happen with LWJ and WWX just a couple of years prior.

Okay, no. No, absolutely not. NMJ isn’t just lashing out! This is not the same as JC at all! He is literally being driven mad with uncontrollable rage. He couldn’t just leave the room or whatever and he wasn’t capable of thinking ahead to the consequences of attacking JGY, because again, driven mad by uncontrollable rage. The only thing poisoning JC was his mother’s worldview and his own entitlement; there is an actual cultivational spell being worked on NMJ to make him incapable of controlling himself. That is not his fault and not something he could just stop by walking away or taking some deep breaths. Don’t compare a man being literally driven insane by rage that he cannot control or prevent by someone who is supposed to be helping him and who he is trusting to a guy spending over a decade murdering people because he thinks his wealth and power give him the right to, because they are not the same at all. And as for “he should have realised something was wrong”... he did. That’s why he agreed to let LXC and JGY play for him, and there’s no real mention of him doing any serious cultivation after that point. He was trying to fix it! It’s hardly his fault that the person he thought was providing treatment was actually in the process of killing him. Also note the word “agreed” there; both LXC and JGY offered. They wanted to play for him. Saying he was putting them out is suggesting an unwillingness that is not there in canon. Also you know what? I’d say the collection of turmoil was 100% responsible for his death, because if JGY hadn’t been using it Clarity would’ve worked. This isn’t NMJ falling because of a flaw in his cultivation technique, this is JGY poisoning his medicine. Also uh... “If his cultivation method didn’t need medical intervention to be viable he’d be a lot harder to kill” is a) not necessarily true (plenty of Nie disciples manage to go their whole lives without being murdered and plenty of people who don’t use the Nie method are killed far more easily than NMJ is; also it took someone who NMJ trusted completely vouching for him to give JGY the opportunity to use the Nie cultivation method against him, I wouldn’t call that easy) and b) smacks just a bit of victim-blaming, if you don’t mind me saying. It’s no more his fault that JGY used a pre-existing weak spot to kill him than it is WWX’s that the sects used his demonic cultivation to target him. Also “according to JGY” NMJ only cares about his cultivation? According to the guy who has good reason to want people to think that NMJ’s rapidly approaching qi deviation is entirely due to his cultivation? I suspect that JGY may not be being entirely honest, there.

The Nie sect is not perfectly righteous. They’re not supposed to be, no one in MDZS is perfectly righteous! However, I would like to point out that “locking the bodies of people given to the sect by legal means in order to prevent bloodthirsty sabres that cannot be destroyed or otherwise sealed” is not the same as “digging up graves and raising the dead for use in combat” and it’s not all that strange that NMJ would be okay with one and not the other. Is he hypocritical? A little, sure. But it also makes sense. Also, y’know. tradition and all. The Nie method is fine because they’ve been doing it so long. Also the Nie method involves considerably fewer undead armies? There is a bit of a difference.

Basically, there are people who insist that NMJ is entirely faultless and righteous and has never done anything wrong in his life, and those people are incorrect. However, any suggestion that he didn’t try to fix his impending qi deviation or that he was forcing his friends to support him or anything of that sort is equally incorrect.

[asian-hero]

Hello hello, may i ask for a “Hmm. So you do have feelings.” with Shoto please ? Maybe reader (can it be gender neutral if it's okay with you?) Started to think that shoto hates them because he's cold with them so they try to anger him or tease him just to see any kind of reaction, but shoto actually has a big crush on them and doesn't know how to act around them. Thank you very much !

A/N: This prompt list had been closed for a bit, but you’re very lucky that I both love Shouto and this prompt ;)

“Hmm. So you do have feelings” from this prompt list

Summary: While Todoroki Shouto wasn’t necessarily the most outgoing person in the world, nor was he the warmest, you still couldn’t help but think that he hated you. After all, he gave you every reason to think so. So, what happens when the two of you are partnered together, and you find yourself talking about all the misconceptions you have of each other?

Words: 1,971

If there was one person who was the bane of your existence, it’d be Todoroki Shouto.

You weren’t really sure of when you started to feel that way about him, and, you had to admit, there were times when you felt bad for thinking so poorly of the boy. However, every time you’d try and start a conversation, you’d be met with either one worded answers or pure silence, which would then make you feel justified in how you feel. 

At first, when Todoroki first started to ignore you, you thought that you had done something to insult him, which caused you to apologize profusely, not wanting to anger any of your classmates, especially since the two of you would have to work together eventually, so you may as well have a positive relationship. However, when you went over to him to apologize for something you weren’t even sure of, he’d completely dismissed you, turning to face away from you as if you weren’t even there. It stung, if you were being completely honest.

It hurt you to see him have such good relationships with the rest of the class. Hell, he even talked to Bakugou more than you, the boy who would consistently yell at him that they weren’t friends, and to leave him alone. You’d be lying if you said that you hadn’t cried over it a handful of times, purely because you weren’t even sure what you did to make him hate you. 

However, you eventually got over the hurt and guilt, and instead made it your every day duty to annoy him in some way, shape, or form. After all, if he wanted to hate you, then he may as well have a reason for it. 

You did everything in your power to make his life just slightly more miserable. If there was ever a time when he screwed up in heroes training, you’d make a snide comment about it, making sure that you were just loud enough for Todoroki to hear it, but not loud enough for your teachers to hear. When your midterm grades were posted, and you noticed that you scored higher than him, you’d tease him that maybe he should try harder, that you had barely even studied for that test.

Which was completely a lie. You did not sleep for at least three nights because of that midterm, but Todoroki didn’t need to know that.

If you were being completely honest with yourself, all of your teasing comments and snide remarks came out of a place of insecurity. You were insecure about just why Todoroki wouldn’t even look at you, why he seemed to hate you and seemingly only you. It didn’t help to see him hanging out with all of your mutual friends, having a good time, and even joking around with a few of them, to then dropping his calm persona and leaving as soon as you made your presence known. So, while it was a flawed concept, and you knew that it wasn’t nice to pick on him, you thought that getting any sort of reaction from him was better than nothing, even if it were embarrassment and annoyance most of the time.

So, when the two of you were paired together for kitchen duty that night at the dorms, it was safe to say that it was probably one of the most awkward experiences of your life.

Since all of the students in 1-A lived on campus, Iida and Yaoyorozu had created a chore chart for the rest of the class to follow, outlining the duties of the students while living on campus. Right beside the chore chart was a little sign up sheet, which you’d go to in order to get your chores assigned for the week. This week, you had been the first person to sign up for cooking duty, fully expecting to have to either deal with Bakugou, or have a pleasant night chatting away with Yaoyorozu. However, what you weren’t expecting was to come face to face with Todoroki, who seemed to already know that you were his partner for the night.

While it wasn’t your favorite pairing to date, you decided to at least pretend to be a little civil, if not for your sake, then for the sake of your friend’s dinner. 

Walking over to him, you took the apron from the hanger beside him, not even bothering to look him in the eye, “What? Nothing else was left for you?”

“I chose to be here,” He stated, his voice the same monotone that you grew a strong distain for.

Rolling your eyes, you finished tying your apron, moving to the pantry to grab your ingredients. “Well, don’t just stand there, why don’t you make yourself useful?”

The majority of the time you spent with Todoroki was in an uncomfortable silence, and from the corner of your eye, you could see his gaze occasionally fall onto your form. Whenever you’d try to catch his gaze, he’d immediately turn back to whatever he was doing in the first place, his shoulders stiffening ever so slightly. During those times, you’d feel your heart drop to your stomach, but you didn’t say anything. 

It was when the two of you were standing at the stove when he finally spoke, nearly spooking you.

“So, have you finished the heroes law homework?”

Scrunching your brow, you turned your head to look at him, an unamused look finding its way to your face. “Really? For the past twenty minutes you’ve made it pretty clear that you didn’t want to talk, and now all of a sudden you’re looking for topics?”

You almost felt bad for responding so rudely, but when his stoic mask hadn’t changed, you found yourself only growing more irritated. Scoffing, you turned back towards what you were doing, not bothering to answer his question. Your blatant disapproval didn’t seem to deter him, however, as he continued to talk.

“Midoriya says that I should try and talk to you more,” He started, pausing when you let out a huff of disbelief, “Since you’re the only person I can’t seem to get close to,”

You gave him a look, almost asking if he were stupid. “Who’s fault is that? Because it’s certainly not mine,”

You turned away quickly, missing how his features softened just slightly, his pride wounded a bit from your uncooperativeness. As you moved to grab the dishes, he trailed behind you, grabbing things off the shelves.

“I didn’t mean to say it was your fault, I was just stating the obvious,”

That also was not the correct thing to say, he realized, as you let out a mocking laugh, brushing past him. “Well maybe you should learn how to word things correctly, then,”

His annoyance got the better of him, as he stepped in front of you, effectively blocking your path. “Why are you being so difficult?”

You looked at him, as if he’d grown a second head. “You’re serious?”

When he didn’t budge, you sighed, setting down your dishes before crossing your arms, “Look, you don’t have to force yourself to pretend that we’re friends, because we’re not. You don’t like me, and, honestly, I don’t really like you either, so just drop the nice act,”

That was certainly a surprise to him. Tilting his head, he voiced his confusion.

“Who said that I didn’t like you?”

“It’s pretty obvious, Todoroki,” You said, and, not that he’d tell you, but it made his heart flutter when you said his name, “You constantly avoid me, and if we’re ever forced to be around each other, you barely give me the time of day, only talking in short bursts. Whenever I walk into the room you get all silent and then leave immediately, as if that isn’t rude. Just because Midoriya wants you to get along with everyone in the class doesn’t mean that you have to do it, so let’s just go back to mutually ignoring each other,”

You tried pushing past him, only to be blocked by his arm, causing you to groan in frustration. Just as you were about to chew him out, you noticed just how close he was to you, almost as if you could feel the heat radiating off of him. 

You sucked in your breath as he leaned closer to your face, close enough where you could feel his breath fanning across your cheeks.

“I don’t hate you,” He started, and you could tell your stubbornness was getting to him, as he started to grow agitated, “I’ve never hated you,”

“Hmm, so you do have emotions,” You mocked, moving closer to him, watching as he squirmed slightly, a light pink flush now dusting his cheeks, “Then tell me, why are you always ignoring me? Always acting as though I’m a nuisance?”

It seemed as though his cheeks were becoming inflamed at this point, with a bright red blush tinting his cheeks.

If you weren’t so annoyed, you would’ve found his reaction cute. 

“I,” He started, clearly fumbling, “Well,”

Deciding that you had enough of watching him stumble over his words, you rolled your eyes once more, moving away from him and back to where you placed your dishes. However, before you could get too far, you felt a hand encompass yours, tying you to your spot. 

Whipping your head around, you saw Todoroki look at you with a new emotion that you’d never seen on him before. 

Closing the gap between the two of you, he spoke up, “I don’t hate you,”

“Todo—“

“I don’t mean to ignore you, but every time that you’re next to me, I feel my heart speed up, and I start getting all warm,” He started, effectively shutting you up, “Whenever I hear you laugh or even just talking about what you did last night I find myself being unable to speak. I can’t get you out of my mind and every time I try to say something to you, it ends up being cut off because I’m afraid that I’ll say something stupid. I leave the room whenever you come in because I don’t know what I’d do, and I feel nervous, and I don’t like it.”

Pressing your hand against his chest, you could feel his heart rate speeding up, and you felt your eyebrows furrow together.

“Even standing this close to you makes me nervous, but I knew that I wanted to get closer to you, so I signed up for kitchen duty when I saw your name on the sign in sheet,”

“So,” He said, looking at you with such an earnest look that you had to focus on something other than his eyes, “Do you believe me now when I said I don’t hate you?”

Feeling your cheeks begin to heat up, you ripped your hand away from his grasp, turning around and walking in a straight line, not having a plan of action. After a few steps, you turned around, noticing the small look of disappointment on Todoroki’s face. Biting your lip, you debated a few options in your head, before ultimately deciding on something.

Calling out his name, you pointed towards the dining room, “You said you wanted to get closer to me? Then c’mon, hurry up and bring the dishes over here and help me set up,” You looked away from him, rubbing your hands together, “We can talk about that stupid heroes law homework,”

Though you didn’t see it, you could tell that his mood had picked up, as he seemed to have a new burst of energy, moving over to you quickly.

As the night began to set in, and the two of you quietly talked, you realized that, perhaps, you didn’t hate Todoroki Shouto as much as you thought you did.

[mytwistedhome]

Pomefiore and Ignihyde when they find out you have Anorexia

Trigger warning to anyone who suffers with an eating disorder!!

I decided to write these headcanons because I've been having a really tough two weeks, and thinking of the twst boys makes me happy...

I hope this can maybe bring comfort to someone else, or at least provide some bit of entertainment. My intention is not to cause harm or trigger anyone. That is the last thing I want.

Other dorms will be coming as well! I already started working on all of them, but I just haven’t finished them. They will most likely be posted the next time I have a bad day //

One more quick thing: I will be posting requests this week! I’ve already broken several promises that I made in regards to the time I’d post, and I feel horribly guilty. I’m sorry for the wait. I know I shouldn’t tell you to expect something on a certain day and then delay it for weeks. I should be honest about my efficiency, and I am sorry.

I'm also sorry for not responding to message (this applies to all my blogs...) I see them, but then forget about them, and then cower away because I feel like I'm already too late. I hope this little apology is enough to suffice... I'll apologize properly to every person when I find the courage. I know I shouldn't be doing this to people who've been kind to me just because I feel unwell. Please know that I am very sorry, and I'm trying to be more responsible and less careless to those around me.

💜

Vil Shoenheit

So that's why your skin is so dry and you have bags under your eyes

He scolds you at first. He believes that you’re starving to get a good figure, and he tries to inform you that doing so is unhealthy and that being malnourished actually makes a person quite ugly.

As if you haven’t already heard all this before

You try to tell him that you’re not doing this to look good. At least, not anymore. Sure, it started out as a way to lose weight, but it soon became an obsession much more meaningful than beauty or weight-loss.

He doesn’t understand. Why would you deliberately hurt yourself like that? Especially when you’re aware of all these negative outcomes?

Nevertheless, he is still very worried about you

He wouldn't normally concern himself with such a personal problem, but he would feel so guilty if he just stood back and watched you whither away

So, he does, indeed, go out of his way to try and help you

He finds a psychology book about eating disorders in the library, and he reads it in its entirety

He is... quite disturbed. He never imagined that you could be suffering so badly.

He's smart enough to realize that he, himself, can't do anything to make you better

He encourages you to seek professional help, and he even searches for phone numbers you can call and therapists/counselors close by of whom you can see

You are really touched by his efforts to find help, and you promise him that you will see one of the counselors he recommended

But... several weeks go by, and you haven't done anything

Vil grows furious. Don’t you want help!?

He takes your lack of seeking help rather personally... He went out of his way to provide with the things he felt that you really needed. Don’t you appreciate that? Don’t you care about yourself? What more do you want him to do?

You try to tell him that you don’t want him to do anything, that you’ll find help when you’re ready--

Vil isn’t buying that

What does “ready” mean, anyways? When you’re already in the grave?

He’s a bit harsh on you... He points out the patches of dry skin along your neck and chest, the way the hairs of your arms always stand on end from goosebumps, the metallic taste in your mouth...

Are you happy with those things? Do you really want to live this way?

You try and try to explain to him that it’s hard to get help and go back to eating normally

It spirals into an argument...

Vil is done with this. He did what he could and got you the resources you need to begin recovery. Once you decide to get help, he will be there for you. He will be there whenever you reach out for support, comfort, or care. But, until then, don’t talk to him about it. Don’t complain about your misery until you have sought proper help. It’s your fault at this point, isn’t it?

Rook Hunt

He had noticed that you were very quickly losing a lot of weight

He was concerned, but he never imagined that the problem could be something so serious

You're actually surprised with just how much he's concerned. You thought that if there was anyone to romanticize such a disease, it would be him

But he seems to know more than you thought about such disorders

He begs you to get professional help, and he is quite a bit more pushy and earnest than Vil is...

You try to explain to him that no doctor or therapist could ever help unless you were READY and WANTED to be helped

Well, he doesn't understand why you don't want help

He's pushing and pushing you... begging you to seek a professional

You get so frustrated that you turn and leave. He just doesn't understand!

And now Rook is even more distressed. How will he ever get through to you? How can he ever help you?

Now, every time he sees you, he looks at you with such sorrow

He sadly remarks upon how your beauty is fading... and how he fears that your life may be fading as well

Your heart aches to hear such sincere worry... Your chest feels tighter than it normally does as you crumble with guilt

You promise yourself you'll get better... Just so you won't have to see Rook with a horribly sad expression whenever he passes you

You start eating more in front of him to ease his worry, which does work a little bit

You add about 400 more calories to your usual intake--enough so that your "recovery" becomes visible through the way you bounce with energy

But you stay up late at night, running laps and doing situps to burn off some of that intake

And you keep losing weight

In fact, it's worse now because your body is aching from the unfamiliar intake and exercise...

Well, at least you look better

At least you have Rook fooled

Or so you think. It'll only be a matter of weeks before he catches onto your schemes and grows so distressed once again

He tries to sit you down and have a talk with you... He just really wants you to get help

Epel Felmier

Poor Epel finds out after he witnesses you collapsing in the middle of the hallway when no one else is around

He panics and rushes to your side, trying to see what is wrong and how he can help you

You blacked out for several seconds, which is why you collapsed, but even though you have your vision back, everything is still very cloudy and you are too weak to stand up

This makes Epel panic even more

You try to calm him down, despite your weakness

"it's okay, Epel...! Just get me something to eat. Please, I need something to eat. Hurry!"

He is a bit confused, but he does what you say, and he rushes off to find you some food

While he is gone, you try to stand, but to no avail. Your stomach aches with hunger and you are cold all over. Your body just feels so miserable

He rushes back to you with an apple and places his hands on your shoulders in concern as you quickly eat it down

That apple... It's the best thing you've ever tasted, but it's gone too quickly, and your mouth waters for more as the last bites slide down your throat

Although it was small, it still gives your body such a blissful burst of energy. All your senses are ignited now that you have finally eaten something after such a long fast, and your head is hurting far less

You stand up and smile at Epel, thanking him graciously before turning to leave

Uuuhhhhh.... What was that?

You suddenly collapse on the ground and then are all better after eating a simple apple?

No way is Epel going to let you go just like that. He holds you back, demanding an explanation, for it surely seems you know quite a bit about this bizarre thing that just happened

You try to tell him it's nothing, just a strange thing that happened this one time

Well, then, how did you know how to fix it by eating something?

You quickly lie and tell him you get dizzy sometimes and fall due to low blood sugar

Well, now your story is inconsistent

He presses you for the truth, growing rather angry

His harsh tone begins to scare you, and you tell him... You tell him that, sometimes, you go days without eating, and it of course causes you to grow so weary that you faint

You watch as all the frustration quickly rushes away from Epel's face, leaving his eyes wide and mouth hanging open in shock

"That... That's really unhealthy..."

Oh, great. Not this speech again

But, it actually isn't a lecture about how this is such a "dangerous diet"

Instead, Epel pours out all his concern with a sad look upon his face

He knows that he can't do much, but he assures you that you can come to him if ever things become too tough to handle

You're touched by his offer, and you thank him for his understanding

But, now, everytime he's around, he watches you with care to see if you're doing alright and to make sure you don't fall over again

You hadn't expected him to worry this much...

If Epel ever thinks that things are getting out of hand, he will likely go behind your back to someone who can help for your sake

💙

Idia Shroud

He really wishes that he hadn't found out because now he can't stop worrying

This is the kind of thing that would just be easier to ignore and shut away from his mind

But how could he possibly ignore something as serious as this?

He keeps telling himself that this isn't supposed to be his issue

But... It is his issue, isn't it? If you ended up dying and he knew all along about your suffering yet did nothing to help, than that would mean that he aided in your death, right?

He's really starting to panic. He doesn't what you dead. Not at all

But... What is he supposed to do???

He calms himself down and tries to think

Perhaps if he built you a mechanical body that didn't need food this whole thing would seize to be a problem...

No, bad idea

Well, that will be his last resort if nothing else works...

He messages you and tries to plead with you to please just eat and take care of yourself...

You message back, explaining to him that it really isn't that simple

He decides to ask why you're doing this, and he tries to show through his words how much he really cares

You feel comfortable enough in telling him some of the reasons why you think you started, and why it's now so hard to stop and all you want is to continue with it...

Idia is happy that you were able to open up to him this much, but what is he really supposed to do with this information? He's no therapist...

Well, being vulnerable with you emotions and talking about the problem is at least one step in the right direction, isn't it?

Idia continues to try to be a source of comfort for you, while also encouraging you to seek proper help

Ortho Shroud

Oh, no... He can’t help you with this, can he?

Why can’t he help you? Why won’t you get better?

Surely nii-san programmed him with something that could help you...

Right...?

RIGHT!?

Why aren’t you better?

Why are you doing this to yourself!?

Ortho is a mess... so distressed. He can’t understand--he doesn’t have the capacity to understand such a disorder, and he is so frustrated that nothing he does is helping!

And he does everything

He exhausts himself trying to “fix your mind”

His eyes are wide, yellow irises shaking with misery

Knowing that you are willingly hurting yourself actually traumatizes him...

He can't wrap his head around such an awful mental illness. To him, it looks as though you're really trying to harm, hurt, and even kill yourself by your own accord

Something must be wrong with your brain, but he just doesn't know what!

The poor child is so upset. He's panicked and worried sick

And now you feel even worse

Sorry for ending on such a horrible note... I was originally going to have all the dorms, so Diasomnia would’ve come and saved the day, but I just didn’t finish them.