#I feel like this has been done before but alas I did have this concept suddenly and was like 'I must make this image'

[essektheylyss]

he was present to herald the demise of not one but TWO great flying cities along with the ruin of the age of arcanum. and with your help, he can herald many more

[kydrogendragon]

Hi! I was thinking about Dream dating Hob because a wager with Death. Time passes, Hob can't believe Dream is interested in him/his experiences, but he is so happy, he has so much to live for. Until he finds out about the wager and... He is ok with that! He tells Dream that he thinks they made the wager because Dream was lonely, and it's ok because he was lonely, too. But Dream doesn't hear him, he is so offended, he says "You dare..." and he storms out. Time passes again and, I don't know, there is a happy ending, of course.

Third prompt for the day! This one was fun to write. I feel like it could easily be it's own multi-chapter fic cause it's a real fun concept, but alas, I have too many wips as is, so we'll take the bite-size version :P

Thanks for the request!!

Relationship: Hob/Dream Words: 2293 Warnings: None Ao3 Link

“You know, your sister told me about the wager,” Hob says, looking down into his water glass. Tonight was he and Dream’s six month anniversary. They’re tucked into the back corner booth of the Italian restaurant just down the road from Hob’s own apartment. The place was a pricier one, yes, but Dream had talked about missing their carbonara last week and Hob wasn’t about to let his boyfriend suffer a moment longer without it.

Hob remembers when Dream first approached him in the White Horse back in June. He’d been relaxing with some of his coworkers, celebrating the end of term a bit late, when the most breathtakingly pretty man approached their table. He looked like he’d stepped out of some sort of fantasy novel, like he was the Fae Prince himself. And then those icy blue eyes of his met Hob’s and Hob knew he was done for.

Dream had asked if Hob meant it when he’d claim to know true love the moment he first saw them. Hob had just smiled and said yes. Because he did. And the moment he and Dream’s eyes locked, Hob knew that he was going to love that man. Hob said just as much, which earned him a hearty eye roll at the time. But Dream had said he’d meet him there, at the White Horse, again next week if he’d meant it.

So, of course, Hob had gone back in a week’s time and found the handsome man sitting near the fireplace, nursing a glass of wine. They’d chatted, well, Hob chatted, Dream listened. Hob went on and on about his life, his work. He talked about his friend and family, about his childhood and the new TV show he’s been obsessed with. Then Dream asked him, a few hours later, if he still meant it. If he still thought Dream was his true love.

And Hob said yes.

They continued meeting once a week, which shortly turned to twice a week, then sometimes even sooner, depending on each other’s schedules. Most of the time, they met up someplace in the city for dinner or drinks. Dream had taken him out to the park to feed the birds, which quickly became a common date for them. Then, Hob invited Dream back to his, and Dream said yes. They didn’t do much, just relaxed, watched a movie and ordered take-out, but it was a change in their dynamic. And over the course of those few months, Hob could see Dream relaxing more and more.

The Fae-like man had always seemed overly tense. He carried a weight in his shoulders and his stance that looked just moments away from crushing him. Hob had resolved himself to doing whatever he could to ease some of that stress away from him. And over time, it seemed to work.

The first time Dream had kissed him, Hob thought he’d died and gone to heaven. It was a hesitant thing. They’d been relaxing on Hob’s couch as they had for week by this point. Perhaps they’d had a few more glasses of wine between them than they usually would and maybe sharing a blanket was just an excuse to be close to one another. Dream had turned to him with a look in his eyes that Hob had seen many times before. It glinted with fear, but hope. Then Dream leaned in, slowly, giving time for Hob to back away. Then those rosebud colored lips were finally on his own and it was wonderful. Hob was addicted in just one go.

They didn’t kiss much after, much to Hob’s disappointment, but the times they had felt like magic, but that kiss changed their dynamic. Hob found that Dream was more open to hugs or cuddles in the evening afterwards. He’d even gotten the man to lie his head on Hob’s lap which quickly became a favored position. Hob loved it too. It gave him a chance to just run his fingers through that kitten soft black hair of his. Then six months had passed which felt like forever and also no time at all. If Hob ever doubted his love for this man before, these past months solidified it.

Dream’s sister, Death (a very odd name, but his boyfriend’s name was Dream so who was he to judge?), had tracked him down at the White Horse a week back, which is how he’d found out about their initial wager. She hadn’t told him intentionally. She’d assumed Dream had explained things (he hadn’t) so she’d taken the liberty to explain the situation.

Hob’s pretty sure she thought he’d be angry about it. And yeah, sure, it was a bit of a surprise to hear that Dream had only continued to meet with him after that night because of a dare. But the more he thought about it, the less he really cared. It brought Dream into his life, after all. How could he be mad about that?

Dream looked up at him from over the top of the fancy leather menu, his eyes wide. Hob shot him a smile to try and ease whatever thoughts are running through his boyfriend’s mind. Dream looks back down and slowly closes the menu, setting it in front of him on the white linen tablecloth. He takes a breath before he speaks.

“And what did she say of the wager?” His shoulders are pulled back and his face is carefully masked. Hob knows this posture well. He’s preparing himself to be hurt. The notion makes Hob’s heart ache, so he extends his hand, tilting it upwards just in front of Dream. He doesn’t reach for it, though Hob can see his gaze dart to his open palm.

“Well,” Hob starts, tilting his head down to try and see Dream’s face better. “She said you two overheard me and my boasting that night at the pub. She also said she thought maybe I’d fall in love with you at first sight, which you apparently, and I quote, rolled your eyes so hard she thought they’d get lost in your head.”

Dream rolls his eyes, but Hob spots the twitch of a smile. “She said you thought that was ridiculous and that even if I thought you were striking, I’d soon grow tire of you.” His voice trailed off, softening at the end. Dream swallows, his jaw clenching. It was a fear of his, Hob knew. Dream never said so, not in so many words, but he said it through his actions. Through his carefully constructed face of neutrality, through the fear and the hope that radiates from his eyes when he does something he thinks Hob would dislike. In all the small actions and tentative steps, Dream’s made very clear the fears inside his heart and Hob’s sworn to himself to love each fear away.

“And have you?” Dream asks, his voice quiet.

“No. Never. Told you, one look and I know. I knew. That night, I knew.” Hob replies instantly. He can see the slight shimmer of a tear down Dream’s cheek as he closes his eyes. Dream remains, stiff in his chair, hands in his lap. “I’m glad you made that wager. That your sister made you keep hanging out with me, dating me. I think it’s been good, for both of us. I think… I think maybe she pushed you towards me cause you were lonely. That you needed someone to show you you were worthy of love.”

Dream’s eyes dart to his, a mix of surprise and fury in his face. He’d seen many emotions from his boyfriend over the past six months but anger was rarely one of them. Frustration, irritation, sure, but the way his lip is snarling and his nostrils are flaring, this is true anger. Hob shifts, lifting his hands up in a placating gesture. He rewinds the conversation, combing through each sentence trying to figure out what it was that earned him such a reaction.

“You dare?” Dream spits. “You dare to know how I feel? You dare to claim that you know me? To know my heart so?”

Hob blinks. “Yes,” he replies, utterly confused at how this conversation has so drastically shifted. “Yes, I do.” Dream huffs as he tosses the napkin in his lap on the table and stands. Hob’s up on his feet as Dream stalks away, following after him. “Dream!” He calls after, weaving between the tables and the onlookers. He was suddenly glad that their waiter had been taking a while to get to them.

Dream storms out the doors into London’s pouring rain. He stomps down the sidewalk as Hob rushes after. For as thin as the man was, he walked faster than Hob would have expected. “Dream, Jesus, just-just wait, please!” He calls against the rain. His boyfriend’s steps stutter, and it gives Hob just enough time to close the distance. He grabs onto his shoulder and spins the other man to face him.

His inky black hair is soaked already, just seconds into the downpour. Hob doubts he’s much better. It sticks to his pale skin. The rain coats him completely, Dream’s eyeliner already beginning to run. Hob feels the flutter of adrenaline under his skin, afraid that one wrong move and he’ll lose this dramatic wet cat of a man that he so desperately loves. He needs to tackle his carefully, thoughtfully. Hob needs to treat Dream with a calm hand and a gentle touch.

“What are you so afraid of?”

Not what he should have said. Dream’s brows furrow, the scrunch of his nose and the sneer of his lips already beginning to paint his face. Hob tightens his grip on his shoulder, his other hand moving to hold Dream’s wrist. Dream tugs, but Hob doesn’t relent. He stares into Dream’s reddened eyes as he speaks.

“We’ve been dating for six months now. Today’s our anniversary, in case you didn’t know. And maybe I don’t know you completely, but I feel like I’ve got a pretty damn good grasp on you. I know that you hate the mornings, not because it’s early, but because your favorite bookshop doesn’t open until ten. I know that you take your coffee with more sugar and milk in it than actual coffee, but you’ll drink it black in the presence of others because you think it looks better. I know you choose each word you speak with such a meticulous nature than I can’t even begin to fathom because words are important and they mean a lot to you. I know you worry about the amount of bread the pigeons and ducks in the park eat, which is why you always make sure to get the special feed mix from the farm supply shop, even though it’s a half hour drive to get to. I know that you overthink each action you take because you’re afraid of how I’ll react. And I know, from tonight, you think that if you push me away first, then you think it might not hurt as bad as if I pushed you away instead.

“But guess what, Dream? I’m not letting you go. Not if you don’t want me to. Not if you love me even just a sliver as much as I love you. Cause I do. I love you, Dream. Have since that day you first walked up to me. Told you that. It hasn’t changed. If anything, I’ve just fallen even harder for you since. So you can yell at me, you can push me away, but I’ll still be here. Forever loving you. Just like I promised you six months ago.”

Dream stares at him, the anger falling from his face and morphing into a pained expression as Hob talks. The adrenaline has started to fade from his veins, leaving Hob tired and shaky. Dream doesn’t say a word, he just stares and with each passing second, fear begins to creep in. Is this how it was going to end? Six months in and that’s it, all because Hob dared to say he understood the man in front of him.

Then lips are on his and there’s a pair of hands clinging to the flaps of his jacket, pulling him ever closer. Hob melts into the kiss, his hands falling to Dream’s waist. It’s an awkward kiss, their noses are jammed against each other, but his body is warm against Hob’s and he’s holding him close and Hob hasn’t lost Dream. That’s the most important thing.

They part, panting against each other in the pouring rain. Dream’s icy blue eyes peer into Hob’s. He’s so close. He can make out all the individual lines of color in Dream’s irises. He can see rough edges of his eyeliner and the bits of mascara that cling to his lashes. He is a work of art, not that Hob’s ever thought otherwise, but here, as the golden glow of the restaurant’s lights reflect against the trails of tears and raindrops against his pale skin, Hob wishes he could take a picture and keep it forever.

“You are a ridiculous man, Robert Gadling. Impertinent. Foolish,” Dream whispers against his lips. “You could have anyone.”

“I could,” Hob replies. He moves one hand up, cupping Dream’s cheek. He rubs his thumb across the chilled skin. “But I want you.”

“A terrible choice,” Dream says, kissing him once more. Hob’s eyes drift shut as he loses himself to the warmth of soft lips dancing with his own. They’ve a long way to go, Hob thinks to himself. But he’s a hopeful man and a determined one. And he plans to spend as many lifetimes with this ridiculous man in his arms as he possibly can.

[room-surprise]

Dungeon Meshi Anime Review, Season 2, Episode 19 review

Izutsumi arrives! And Marcille has a nightmare.

This is an interesting episode but I know my spouse and I had desperately hoped that they would re-organize things somehow. Marcille's plot in this feels painfully tacked on and unrelated to Izutsumi's introduction, and the concept of the nightmare is so good, it could have easily been expanded to be an entire episode on its own. I wish they'd done that. They could have paired Izu's intro with the ice golem story to have one all-Izutsumi episode and then one all-Marcille episode... alas.

Those are changes I would have LIKED to see, but here's some changes I didn't like:

(MAJOR MANGA AND ANIME SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!!)

Trigger removed Laios' mother's only speaking line in the manga. It would have taken SO LITTLE to have someone read this single sentence, and removing it, in my opinion, has a negative impact on the story as a whole.

It SOUNDS like a generic thing when she asks Laios "When will you give us grandchildren?" But this is actually really important. Laios is afraid of being forced to make a family and participate in society. This is unusual because he's a man, most men in a historic time period of this don't really care about such things, but Laios is so afraid of it, it's a recurring nightmare!

This is also why he acted so weird seeing a loving father/baby scene in the magic paintings chapter. He hated seeing a father talk about how much they love their baby.

Laios is named after a story about murdering your children before they can hurt you. Like an Oedipus Complex supposedly means that a son wants to have sex with his mother, a Laios Complex means a man wants to kill his sons. Kui did not pick this name and then have Laios repeatedly be uncomfortable with children, marriage and fatherhood for no reason.

Obviously Trigger didn't make any of these connections and so they didn't think it was necessary for Laios' mom to speak this line out loud, but I vehemently disagree.

This is similar to my beef with them removing Yarn Floke's only dialog in the story and removing her from the scene with the Island Governor. That moment told us that Mr. and Mrs. Floke were equal partners, and now anime watchers assume she's just his wife who doesn't do anything. That sucks.

The addition of paintings of Marcille's father in the nightmare. Woof. I really don't care for this, if they wanted to do it i would have preferred it if they'd obscured the paintings somehow so it wasn't obvious that Marcille's father wasn't an elf.

I think this makes the later reveal of her half-elf status WAY less surprising.

Also, in the manga, the complete silence around her father created a strong subtext that Marcille's mother was her only parent that mattered. They could still accomplish this but I think it won't be as shocking.

People reading the manga probably thought "her dad was an elf and he died young and that traumatized her" (this is what Laios assumes I'm sure)

People watching the anime will think "her dad was a tall-man and his natural death of old age is what traumatized her" which is true, but they aren't supposed to actually know that yet...

Overall the episode was good aside from these issues. I liked that the nightmare sequence was in black and white, and the transition to color at the end was spectacular and very impactful... But part of me wishes they had done something else to differentiate the nightmare state from the normal animation. The black and white was good, but almost too subtle because the DM palette is already so desaturated.

[7grandmel]

Rip of the Week: 01/07/2024

Barreltr​ü​ckung of Doom

Season 8 Featured on: The Joke​-​Explainer 7000​™​'s Highest Quality Rips: Sunrise

Ripped by Madinstance

Tentative rip name: KNUCKLES (Smaragdwächter)

I pondered long and hard about this post, of what rip to make it about - I'm sort of back in the groove of things after my break, and I'm happy to see people are enjoying the graudally-increasing trickle of variety posts already, but I also feel as if I'm still regaining my footing in how to pick these rips for the blog. Alas, amidst all the requests and the all-time classics, I do inevitably hold recency bias close to my heart - bias you've already seen with rips like Last Freight-train Night, and that rears its head once again with Barreltr​ü​ckung of Doom. Because no matter what happens to me or the blog, I am but merely a Sonic fan, an Undertale enjoyer, and an absolute CONNOISSEUR for Madinstance's work. The madlad's done it again.

Like, look - I've featured the guy so many times before, I've featured Undertale music on here so many times more than even that, blah blah, blah blah...can you sincerely blame me for picking this one? Madinstance has been featured on here plenty for their incredible arrangements like M-O-O-G City and Thwâmpröck Desert, and I've always sort of taken them as the kind of ripper who puts their heart and soul into rips of games and music that they genuinely just care tons about, most evident with their Minecraft tributes like Fell From a High Place (Reprise). But lately it feels as if that view may have been wrong - or Madinstance is just growing as a ripper to where they're becoming willing to take on any arranging project so long as it sounds cool. Honestly though, I can't blame them with a concept as sick as this - meshing together prototype Carnival music from a Genesis Sonic game with Undertale boss music is the kind of lunatic concept that I don't know how one comes up with but also wouldn't be able to help myself to pursue.

There have been a lot of times where I've worried that I've covered too *much* Undertale music for the blog...but the more I sit on it, the more I realize just how core Undertale's music is to both SiIva's viewers and its rippers. Undertale blew up just a short few months before the SiIvaGunner channel itself did, and its fans have thus grown in almost direct parallel with SiIvaGunner's own fans - and on top of that, Toby Fox is the exact kind of online meme freak that SiIvaGunner itself attracts the most. Is it any surprise that we've had banging Undertale arrangements on SiIva like Hoopache, SUNGORE, and indeed Madinstance's very own Fell From a High Place (Reprise), since the very beginning of the channel, from just about every one of the team's rippers? Undertale is endlessly beloved, and moreover - endlessly versatile for arrangements, its leitmotifs and melodies so well known as to becoming a series of online anthems all in their own rights.

Compared to the more popular tunes like Megalovania and Death By Glamour, it feels as if ASGORE doesn't get as much attention from remixers and rippers. And perhaps that was part of what made me fall head over heels in love with Barreltr​ü​ckung of Doom right from the moment go - it shows such a profound respect and understanding for not just the original ASGORE theme, but the iconic Bergentrückung prelude that introduces the battle, here weaving the two together damn seamlessly in the rip's intro. It's immensely impressive just how atmospheric and intense the rip still sounds despite, again, it's baseline track being the borderline juvenile carnival music used in Sonic 3's recently-unearthed prototype versions, a series of cheerful clapping samples introducing the track yet never overriding the emotional sincerity of the melody leading the rip. I feel like the emotion in large part also just comes from how fucking cool of a sound Sonic 3's music in general has, a lead synth that sounds unlike anything else on the genesis playing a sort of melodic back-and-fourth with a second synth lead that sounds just as distinct yet far more chipper and bright, almost reminding me of something from Rivals of Aether...? The back-and-fourth feel is an amazing touch either way, is the point!

Barreltr​ü​ckung of Doom's final touch, of course, comes toward the finale, the section in which the original ASGORE battle theme takes a step back from its intensity to reflect, a calm in the midst of the storm. Madinstance brilliantly uses this interlude to throw a complete curveball that still fits the arrangement perfectly: using samples and sounds from the *finalized* Carnival Night Zone theme, the one created by Michael Jackson's soundteam, and featuring that distinct glass shattering sample from Jam. I talk about escalation in rips a fair bit on here, but it wasn't as it the rip was in any need of it here anyway given how amazing the arrangement already was. It's just the sort of thing that pushes the rip from great to godlike, the kind of touch you'd mainly expect to see from a Sonic the Hedgehog superfan committed to their rip, akin to what MtH did with Youkoso Twinkle Park e. But again - perhaps, somehow, I've underestimated just how far Madinstance will go once they've landed on a concept they truly click with. Season 8 may well be the silly season in many ways, but it's all too clear that each one of the team's rippers are growing more powerful by the day.

[kamisatomay018]

My Saviour: Part 3

Very fluff, a little slow burn but signifies the start of something special!

Enjoy<3

Ayato led you both outside into the back gardens of your estate, and there was an awkward silence between you two, which he decided to break. “Now that we’re alone Lady Hiragi, you can feel free to ask me anything you wish. Judging by your silence and the hesitation in your eyes, I suspect something is wrong..”

You were shocked at how he managed to see right through you, as you looked around a little nervously, afraid that the guards of your estate would eavesdrop and report back to your parents. “I..don’t think this would be the perfect opportunity Lord Kamisato..”

“You needn’t worry about anyone eavesdropping my lady, I made sure we would be left alone for our discussion.” He looked at you reassuringly, and in his lavender eyes you sensed warmth and comfort, something you were never given before. You nodded and to his dismay, you left his arm, stepping ahead to face the endless ocean.

“Then I will not sugarcoat my words Lord Kamisato. I request you to be completely honest with me. Why do you wish to marry me? Is it because Ayaka told you of my situation? As grateful as I am that you would try to save me from my inevitable fate, I do not think it is fair for you to lead a life with a woman you married out of force.”

Ayato had already expected you to say this, and your doubts were understandable. After all, you both had never met, and Ayaka indeed had informed him of your situation. So he decided to be completely honest with you, standing beside you while facing the waters of Inazuma, he spoke calmly with absolutely no hesitation in his voice. “It is indeed true that my sister informed me of your troubles and your unfortunate situation Lady Hiragi. However, I am not being forced to marry you, nor am I doing this just to save you from this wretched household. My decision to marry you comes from my heart, from my feelings for you, which I can say with complete confidence, are very genuine.”

You looked at him, his words confusing you even more. “But we have never met each other, how did you gain feelings for me?” He chuckled softly, looking into your eyes tenderly, making sure you knew that he was being very genuine right now. “My sister has spoken about you endlessly, and through her I got to know how selfless, kind and pure your heart is. The first time I saw your photograph, I was enchanted by your beauty, by your smile and your demeanour. All this while I had been searching for an opportunity to travel to Ritou in order to meet you, but alas my position as the Commissioner did not allow that. Tell me Lady Hiragi, how could I simply stand aside and watch the only woman who captured my eye get married to another noble?”

You were left speechless after listening to Ayato’s words. He liked you? Moreover he was willing to spend the rest of his life with you? Somewhere you felt guilty for you did not reciprocate his feelings; at least not yet. You were foreign to the concept of love, and although you knew that Ayato’s presence seemed to make your heart flutter, you were not quite sure of your feelings. You had only met him today after all. “Forgive me my lord…I..I don’t feel that way yet..”

He smiles softly, and although a little melancholy is hidden behind it, he appreciates your honesty and was prepared for such a response. “I am aware my lady; but I request you to give me a chance. A chance to show you how you deserve to be treated, a chance to make you happy, a chance to give you the love of a real family…”

You looked at him again, not knowing what you had done to deserve this amount of care from the Yashiro Commissioner himself. “Are you absolutely certain that you wish to marry me Lord Kamisato? What if I’m not good enough to be the wife of the Yashiro Commissioner?” Ayato smiled sweetly, stepping closer to you as he gently cupped your cheek. His touch felt so safe, so warm that you found yourself unknowingly leaning into it. “It matters not my lady, for I know that you are perfect to be the wife of Kamisato Ayato..”

You looked into his eyes, as the impact of those words settled into your mind. It was Ayato that mattered the most, not the Yashiro Commissioner. It was Ayato that needed the love, not the mask that he put on every time he had to handle the duties of his clan. You understood that he wanted you to focus on his real self, and not his noble identity. You smiled shyly, looking down as you made your mind. “Then I give you my word that I’ll try to give you all the happiness and perform all the duties of a wife..”

He shook his head, gently lifting your chin up. Archons, he was so handsome that you could stare at him all day without getting tired. “Being my wife does not mean you are going to be my responsibility my lady. Being my wife would make you my equal, my other half, my partner for the rest of my life. You will have no duties, you will have your own will, your own voice. You can be rest assured that in the Kamisato estate, you will be given the treatment of a queen.”

You felt your lips part in shock, as he once again left you completely speechless. He was so different than the other noblemen you had ever seen or heard of. You knew that you would never find a man like him, and that he would manage to make you fall head over heels in love with him very soon. Your smile widened, and Ayato finally got a glimpse of that dimpled smile his sister would speak so fondly of. “then it would be my greatest honour to be your wife Lord Kamisato..”

Ayato smiles happily at your words, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead, a sign of respect, love and endearment. “Call me Ayato my lady..” your heartbeat accelerated as your eyes closed to feel that soft kiss on your forehead. It was the first time you had felt such love and warmth, and your heart craved even more. “You can also address me by my name, or any other name you wish to give me Ayato..”

He chuckles at your words, his lavender eyes carrying a hint of mischief “whatever name I wish hm? Then how about my Daarin?” (Darling in Japanese) you felt your cheeks flush at his teasing, mumbling shyly “I don’t mind..”

Ayato smiled even more, gently holding your hand, intertwining your fingers together as both of you watched the waves crash gently against the shore. He felt true happiness with you, and he was determined to make you fall in love with him. This was the beginning of a new life, this time, with you by his side.

[nightimedreamersworld]

20 questions for fic writers

Big thanks @artsyunderstudy and @prettygoododds @confused-bi-queer @bookish-bogwitch tagging me in this! And to everyone else who's tagged me in a tumblr meme recently. It's been a while since I've done one of these.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

33!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Around 370k, but of those about 40k aren't mine. So in reality, something like 330k?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Only Carry On! I don't have the attention span for more of one at a time lol

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. How I wonder what you are aka baby fic

2. Mess is mine aka secret dating fic

3. Every little helps aka snickers fic

4. You and I will not be shaken aka huddling for warmth fic

5. From across the room aka my FIRST fic

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I don't 😭 which makes me feel guilty and ungrateful, but alas. Every time I've tried to in the past, I'd run out of steam after half a dozen comments or so. Don't get me wrong, I love comments, they fuel me etc etc. Replying just makes me unreasonably anxious

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Technically it's Love of Fate because it doesn't have an ending. It was supposed to be a prologue to something longer that would eventually have a happy ending, and that I simply never wrote lol

That said, the true angstiest ending is probably my All there's left is a ghost of you series - same moment, one from Simon's pov, the other from Baz's. Set between carry on and wayward son, which tells you everything about why it's here :) (Although arguably, those are hopeful endings. Kinda.)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Almost everything I write has a happy-ish ending, but the one indisputable happiest ending is probably How I wonder what you are

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not necessarily hate, but one time I did get someone mocking my fic for a mistake I made. Which, like, I deserved, for straying so far out of my comfort zone lol

Anyway. I have upped my research game since, so. Lesson learned?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! The kind I want to read lol

Seriously, though, I tend to write weird stuff I can't find elsewhere. Someone once mentioned there's little mirror sex fic in the fandom, and BAM! I got the itch to write one. I've also tried my hand at web cam sex, body modification, and... [reads smudged handwriting] cemetery sex?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't yet, but never say never, right? Although I'm much more likely to just write AUs instead. As in, take the world of the original, chuck the characters and just replace them with snowbaz lol

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Probably not? I mean. I hope so lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. I've thought about doing it myself, but there's roughly any engagement with fics in Portuguese on AO3, so it doesn't feel worth the trouble

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Birthday man! Though I might be open to it if a) someone with a compatible style is interested, and b) I find some free time to actually write lol

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Do I even need to say anything? (It's snowbaz)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Sigh. It's probably Let your colours bleed, because It's been 3 years, so I've just... sort of grown past the story? Which makes me sad, because I still like the concept, I just can't connect to anymore

There are a handful other WIPs still hanging on my ao3, but I still have hope for them.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I like writing plot! And also actions scenes. And banter, maybe a bit too much lol

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The beginning of a fic. And also the ending. And also the mid-

Seriously though, I find that I tend to be either too verbose or too succinct when I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. Like, I either charge through it and the thing falls flat, or I drag it on for several paragraphs that amount to barely anything. Hopefully, I can mitigate that with the power of editing and beta readers

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think it's cool depending on context! Like, is this a situation in which this character would simply switch to another language? Also, why?

I haven't done it yet, though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Take a guess. (It was actually Harry Potter)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Dance Like a Flame! My specialest baby. My little darling. My magnum opus.

I'll jump at literally any chance to talk about this fic, so beware.

Phew! Can't believe I actually answered one of these for once... now, I'm pretty sure almost everyone has done this already, but I'm going to tag a few people anyway just so this doesn't get lost in the abyss

@palimpsessed @captain-aralias @cutestkilla @larkral @aristocratic-otter @hushed-chorus @whatevertheweather @ivelovedhimthroughworse @whogaveyoupermission

[ahmedmootaz]

Hello hello! I hope you're doing well, and thanks once more for answering my inquiries! As I write this before I go to bed, I've resolved myself towards practicing my pixel art skills to try and capture a possible moment in the possible Adventures in Motherhood timeline I envisioned (if that's ok) As for my question this time around, I want to ask you: if you had to rewrite AiP, what would you change? (If nothing, did you have a favorite part / "aha!" moment while writing AiP?)

Dear hncdmnfr,

And welcome once again! I remain quite happy to see your asks here and there!

Oh, that does make me quite happy to hear, but please, there's no need to over-exert yourself if you don't really want to! Otherwise, who am I to stop you? If anything, I am honoured that a passing AU of an AU seems to have caught your interest as much as it did! So please, feel free to picture the timeline you envision however you wish.

As for the question...I'm not sure what I would change in particular, as I am quite happy with how AiP progressed thus far, but if I would change ONE thing, it has to be my writing schedule. Alas, I take waaay too long between Chapters now, much to my chagrin, as I do wish to wrap up AiP sometime soon-ish, though that seems to be a distant dream as of now, alas.

As for the next part, it has spoilers for AiP, and since these asks seem to attract some attention in the main tag: To anyone who has yet to read AiP: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

As for the favourite part I had in mind, I suppose it has to be the Sweeper Saga. I came up with it waaaay back in May 2021, and while some parts of AiP were added by necessity to strengthen the narrative or to prevent the character development from seeming too much like heel-face turns and make it more 'organic' in a way, the Sweeper Saga and the confrontation with Carmen was the part I had in my mind for almost a year when the whole Saga was done, alongside the parts with X and the whole of "To Where Everyone Else Waits". I suppose the 'aha!' I had in mind was how I figured out that I can merge the Carmen segment with the Sweeper Saga, because they were both separate in my mind at their conception.

And once again, thank you for those very nice questions! It's always nice to answer them. Until next time, then, stay safe, be well, and see ya'!

[scoobydoodean]

The only issue I've ever had with DeanLisa is that it reads too much to me like the "I've met you only a handful of times and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you" ala Disney Princess + Prince trope, and I just can't stand that trope. That's just a personal preference though

But I've never had a problem with Lisa herself - I think she's really fucking cool actually, and that she really did care about Dean. I think they both were reaching for an ideal, a dream, and they found solace in each other, but the circumstances that led them together (the second/third/fourth) time were not conducive to a lasting relationship.

I think it's more biphobic to be super anti DeanLisa tbh? (as a concept, not saying you have to ship them). Bc it's denying that part of Dean, like people really wanna dive deep into Dean's queerness in the way he interacts with men, but it's incredibly biphobic to then deny a relationship he had with a woman that meant a lot to him. That relationship doesn't take away from his queerness, he's still bi even while he's with a woman. Sure, I can see the argument behind comp cishet relationships and how that's bi/homophobic, but I think in this situation it's more nuanced than that? There's so many factors that lead into Dean going to Lisa (mainly feeling completely abandoned by everyone..which...he more-or-less was, be it on purpose (Cas) or not (Sam)) after such incredible trauma, he's obviously going to go to someone who he can find comfort in, that he already knows, who cares for him and he cares for back...I don't think that's comp cishet

I guess I lived in my own little SPN bubble bc I had no idea people hated her so much until fairly recently, as I started seeing posts and stumbling upon old fics where she's written as a nasty bitch for NO good reason

I appreciate your thoughts on them, tbh bc I feel like I don't ever see people talk about them or it's in a very disparaging way

Yeah I agree with you. I have no problem with people just saying "I don't like it. It just isn't my thing. It's boring, it doesn't appeal to me, I do not vibe with it, I like another ship better, he should have gone to Cassie instead, I don't think the storyline ever should have been done because of x,y, z" etc. What is sooo weird to me is people who can't live with just saying they don't like it and have to make the fact that they don't like it some kind of moral issue and/or talk about it in a way that ends up just displaying their own (internalized or externalized) biphobia and misogyny (edit: and even ableism—because I have seen that one quite a bit too).

I have seen people say:

Lisa and Dean are both used up because they've had so much sex with other people and therefore the relationship is nothing more than an expression of their mutually low standards, where simultaneously neither of them are good enough for the other because they have had too much sex. (Which was then back tracked to Dean being the only one who is all used up from all the sex he has had, because we wouldn't want to be misogynists).

Dean and Lisa's relationship is conservative christian (as someone raised in a conservative christian home, I can assure you that is not the case).

Dean and Lisa is a heteronormative relationship and is therefore bad. That is... not only very debatable, but based on what? Why? What is so "heteronormative" about it? I'll pay someone $50 if they can tell me without being biphobic, homophobic, or misogynist, or basically line for line describing a post-canon or AU destiel fic they’ve recced before just replacing Lisa with Cas. (Having a home is heteronormative? Parenting a child? Living together? What is it? I can never get a straight (heh) answer.)

Dean/Lisa is biphobic. Again... why? Because Dean is with a woman? Do... do we know what bisexual means? Are we sure?? Because it sounds like—frankly—the queer community yet again being one of the more biphobic communities around, and saying bi people are only interesting and acceptable when they are in same sex romances, and otherwise they are heteronormative and bad and wrong and boring. Which is a great thing to make bi people on the internet (whether you count yourself among them or not) read. Like. I think the way we interpret many characters who are not explicitly and openly bisexual as bisexual has also in some sense poisoned people into treating bi-ness as like... an exciting accessory, instead of a sexuality. Which is again—not how bisexuality works, but is how people on Tumblr often seem to treat bisexuality when they act like it is an accessory being thrown on or taken off by a character. "Well Dean isn't wearing his bisexuality accessory right now since he's in a 'het' romance, so he is not shiny enough and I am not interested in him". It's just fucking weird and it makes me uncomfortable.

Also, I don't know why this comes as a shock to some people, but calling something "het" is not inherently an argument proving that thing is bad and wrong, and suggesting that it is is also fucking weird.

Edit: Another one I forgot—"Dean is messed up/'damaged' therefore Lisa should never have allowed him in her home". Because we think people with PTSD shouldn't be shown kindness by people who don't have PTSD, I guess, and people without PTSD should avoid people who have PTSD at all costs.

Like. It is no secret that I utterly despise Sam/Amelia. But you know what I don't do? I don't go around calling it heteronormative, or applying my weird conservative christian leftovers about sexual purity to the relationship, or saying Sam was too messed up in the head and a "normal" woman never should have allowed someone so "damaged" to be in her life, in order to shout from the roof tops how "problematic" it is for them to be together. I just say "I don't like it because Amelia is not an enjoyable character to me. I find her extremely awkward and uncomfortable and I don't like the way she talks to Sam and don't understand the romance."

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

- I’m not imagining this as ‘cis man suddenly has a uterus mpreg’, I’m seeing Jack just sort of hanging out in Dean’s soul until he pops out Athena from Zeus style

- they found out about him bc Dean had a constant ringing in his ears for a few weeks- at first he thought it was just Stress about casifer/soul bomb/mom revival/sammy missing, but then when things calmed down and it didn’t go away he asked Cas to check it out and Cas was like. SHIT!!! lol the ringing was basically baby babble enochian style

- Dean’s immediately freaked out by the whole situation/worrying about what being a demon and having lucifer use his grace on him could have done during development while Cas is worrying about the whole ‘nephilim are abominations and heaven is absolutely going to want us dead again’ thing and it takes them like. almost a month to realize they aren’t on the same page lmfao. Cas obviously changes his mind eventually but its more ala ‘you changed me dean I cared because you cared’ instead of debatable baby brainwashing 

- kelly only died bc jack was an archangel baby! since he’s not in this version/dean’s not physically carrying him anyway it’s not a big deal, they’re just more worried about like. heavenly hitmen and friends. but dean’s like ‘heaven and hell always want us dead?’. lucifer gets interested when he finds out bc if his grace did effect jack he could use that for. some vague nefarious take over the world plan lmfao. OR maybe since he’s an archangel he noticed jack developing before any of the other angels did and tried to infect him with his grace on purpose, who knows

- Dean puts off telling Sam for a MULTITUDE of reasons but Sam eventually finds out because Cas mentions the baby in passing and Sam is like

- so that’s a whole thing for a while

- crowley, who tried and failed to baby trap dean less than six months ago, falling to his knees in despair, 

- look I don’t. Care about the apocalypse world storyline but that portal needs to open because the drama of the widower arc Needs to happen lol. it would be a much more explicit parallel to pre-series john, which would Hurt but also I do think would help dean clock his behavior a lot sooner than he did in canon. so jack’s still strong enough to accidentally do shit like that still

- no literally imagine tho Dean just watched Cas AND his mother die and then suddenly realizing the constant presence he’s been feeling for months is gone and at first he panics that the baby’s dead, then Sam calls for him and he realizes the baby’s alive and needs help, only to head over and see that the baby is already a fully grown adult bc he didn’t feel safe enough to be a child. three strike combo critical hit Dean’s literally just gonna throw himself into the fire. 

- so Dean’s still depressed and checked out for a bit at first but there’s more of a ‘well it’s not like he needs me’ angle to it than a hatred angle. he eventually snaps out of the apathy stage of grief but by that point to Jack whenever Dean tries to teach him something or bond over something he thinks it’s bc Dean thinks he’s incapable or something which hurts his feelings. partly a winchester pride thing and partly a (reasonably) childish fear that if Dean doesn’t trust him that means he’s a burden yadayada. so once Cas is back Jack goes to him for every little thing, even though we know Cas is in and out and Dean’s more of a daily presence which hurts DEAN’S feelings bc now he thinks he messed up so monumentally that Jack doesn’t care about him at all and it’s just messy and upsetting for everyone 

- also the concept of Cas of all people having to play family therapist is really funny 

I love jack so so much he's perfect but tbh I do think it would've worked much more with the show if he was a destiel baby instead of lucifer's. and I'm not just saying that as a shipper or whatever I mean narratively it would've been a lot cleaner- and actually, I think it would've been super funny to no-homo them creating a baby together, like, literally all they would have to do is say "oh, when cas rebuilt dean after hell he accidentally left some grace tangled in his soul, and every time he's healed him since then it's been growing stronger until a nephilim was born". like yes the studio is homophibic etc etc but all the jokes they'd make about dean being spiritually pregnant would be very funny for me personally.

but ANYWAY, jack's story gets messy and convoluted and I think this would've been like...a simple fix. them worrying about him going dark side could be because they're worried how demon!dean and lucifer!cas affected him in development, the show LOVES bloodline drama, chuck's wanting abraham and issac 2.0 would've worked better this way, dean's storyline with him would be improved, bc rather than 'oh no I slowly but surely emotionally adopted the antichrist' like I think he would've had an easier time clocking his john-behavoir if it wasn't a question whether he was jack's dad or not. plus last time dean actively raised a kid he went to great lengths to keep the supernatural away from him, so it'd be interesting to see how he handles a kid he CANT possibly hide from this part of his life. it would make more sense why michael wanted jack as a vessel- yes obviously he wanted the nephilim power boost but also having him as part of the winchester bloodline, making him a PERFECT vessel he doesn't have to worry about burning up would add a lot. we could also use this argument for why lucifer is so interested in him if anyone actually liked that plotline in season 14 lmao. we know chuck hated cas and dean's relationship, could you imagine if he checked in and found out they made an unauthorized baby together💀 like that really would've given better context for why he hates jack so much. cas wouldn't need that whole weird brainwashing arc to wanna protect unborn jack, PLUS it could've been an interesting source of angst for him- he feels like he's failed once again, creating an abomination and putting dean in danger, but also still loves jack immensely. it'd be so good! also imagine how fucking stressed out heaven would be to find out a mini castiel is on the way. they wouldn't even wanna exploit that kid for power they'd be preemptively treating the headaches they know they're gonna get lmfao.

also. the casting directors literally put jensen and misha into a face morph app and cast the first actor they could find that matched the results. which would've made more sense if,,,,he was just Theirs. the comedy of dean and cas making a baby before either of them managed to admit their feelings to each other would be more fun then the "dude adopted a kid and pawns him off on his unwilling roommate's all the time and they eventually warm up to the kid" storyline we actually got. we also could've replaced some of the jack-dean angst from the show with "dean wants to connect more with jack but he feels shut out whenever cas is around bc he can't relate to any angel stuff so obviously jack's going to cas for help more!", which I think would be interesting!! how AWFUL dean and cas would feel that jack didn't feel safe enough to be a baby. dad!sam is still in full swing but he cares for jack right off the bat instead of trying to use him for his powers at first. lily sunder talking about how cas killed her kid bc he thought it was a nephilim and dean, who's already fully aware he's (spiritually) knocked up by cas is like 👹 inch resting cas-tee-elle tell me more. mary having a 'my baby has a baby' crisis. cas insisting jack looks nothing like him is a running joke but then at some point he explains its bc jack's 'true form' looks just like dean's soul....

ALSO- in a show where, canonically, the very first act of free will was cas falling in love with dean...the physical manifestation of that defeating chuck and taking his place as god? come ON.

[onehunnit]

March Comebacks/Debuts that I Caught!* *in no particular order, non-exhaustive, and all songs were released between March 1st and March 30th.

Playlist

Lighthouse by Tempest: At first I was like 'ugh, boring bg song tomato tomato" but I listened to it when I was not exhausted and I actually really enjoy it? Like its charming and has personality. To be clear my frame of reference for Tempest is Hyeongseop falling off his chair when meeting Taemin and Vroom Vroom. But this is so fucking cute I love it. More concepts like this actually…. BUT DONE WELL! However, this song is very forgettable…..

Body by Highlight: they said "SHAKE YOU BODY YOU BODY YOUR BODY YOUR BODY RIGHT" and I DID! I like this song it feels like summer. However. The whistling in the chorus makes me wanna rip my hair out. I fr thought we left that back in the 2010s, alas.

Do Doom Chit by VVUP: do doom chit is actually a bit of a banger… ngl at first I was like "what." but she grew on me and with a QUICKNESS.

FRI(END)S by V: V come through w/ the vocals king!!!! This song is so cute and should have been a valentines day release. It's short, yes, but I don't think it needs to be more than it is. I do wish this wasn't a single though… this belongs as an interlude on a full length album sry!!!! Also reminds me of the 70s pop that spencer sutherland has on his music. Heyuyyy what a thought

HEYDAY by XODIAC: this would've gone triple platinum in my room circa 2017… Like with Lighthouse we need more of this concept well-executed. And for my ballad lovers out there WONDERFUL TONIGHT off the same mini is for you!!!!

Fresh by Daniel Jikal: Wish there were more variation his his flow and wasn't so predictable. There's nothing special here but there is always way to improve. This feels very… the mediocre 2018 rappers who were popping up all over the place. And that's okay!

Lucky by Hori7on: These nugu groups be working their asses off and when they do they make absolute bangers like this. I am not a fan of whistling but it actually accompanies the production well. Lucky and Body are brothers in arms fr. THE CHORUS BANGS SO HARD I CAN'T LIEEE. Even the chant hook is nice like, the composers/producers/arrangers were in their bag man. I can get over the whistles fr. This is like AJU NICE but for 5th gen.

Nectar by THE BOYZ: Boy groups this month decided to give us soft nostalgia pop BANGERS and ofc THE BOYZ did not disappoint. I love this trend, MORE PLEASE!!! Btw if you like this song you'll like HEYDAY and Lighthouse for sure….

BBB by Purple Kiss: The girls will always slay with their vocals and songs, but that chorus is… not it madames. Catchy as hell but man, when you got a song like Sweet Juice it's really fucking hard to keep it up. unfortunately this was a miss from them….

Rooftop by YooA: Yeah… she slayed. I know nothing about YooA or much about OH MY GIRL but she came out and did her little thing with this one. It's not a song i'll be playlisting but she did do her thing fr.

Fuego by THE NEW SIX: She had to grow on me. She is still trying to grow on me. She is not growing much admittedly. The rap after the first chorus barely salvages it for me. I think I've just listened too much to songs like this before and I'm tired of it. By no means is it bad just not for me, and that's okay.

12. Smoothie by NCT Dream: this song is just uh… very…. well 🤷🏾‍♀️ They did release it as their title!

Superwoman by UNIS: You know what? Solid debut. The afrobeats trend is not leaving for a bit i fear… And

Neuron by J.Hope ft Gaeko, yoonmirae: I will always be a fan on boom bap in kpop and by god did they boom and man did they bap. J-hope will forever be serving us good ass hiphop. BUT MOST OF ALL YOONMIRAE ON THIS TRACK I SAW AND I SCREAMED FR! man. i fucking love yoonmirae this feature took the cake for me.

Birth by ARTMS : I need this song tattooed on my brain this is the vibe i was expecting w/ NCT Dream's new release….. if i dare say it. But she is genuinely too short… PLEASE GIVE HER MORE TIME TO SLAY. What a wonderful ARTMS debut the loona girlies WILL keep killing it (and me)

Broken Hearts by AMPER&ONE: This is fun! But like with Fuego, she has a lot to do to grow on me.

Baddest Behavior by Tempest (jp debut): four minutes i crode 😭🙌🏾, i liked it enough to listen, but I'm more impressed at how they were able to make a 4 minute song so strong without making it feel like filler.

Wish You Hell by WENDY: She's a good song,,,, but is this a WENDY song? Think about that for me. I mean I still love it but this is WENDY we're talking about.

EENIE MEENIE by Chungha ft Hongjoong: MOTHER IS BACK!!!!! Chungha did NOT have to kill us with I'm Ready and she did not have to bury us in the grave with EENIE MEENIE not only is the song catchy as fuck w/ fun production omfg…. the hongjoong feature set it from awesome to SPECTACULAR bc that rap is soooo mind melting in how good it is delivered and 2 the flow is insane.

Good Girl by Candy Shop: The beat switch in at the end of the pre-choruses should have been kept for the chorus but they didn't?!?! literally why and what the fuck it would have ELEVATED the song so much. But this is classic alt/contemporary rnb. The modulation in the song is well-done and keeps it interesting but and they finally kept the beat for the end, at least. But why give us a taste of heaven to just go back into the regular chorus ahhhhhh.

[johnhardinsawyer]

The Door is Always Open

John Sawyer

Bedford Presbyterian Church

3 / 17 / 24 – Fifth Sunday in Lent

Matthew 18:15-22

Psalm 119:9-16

“The Door is Always Open”

(Wandering Heart – Week 5)

I have told this story before, but there was a woman in my former congregation.  We’ll call her “Doris,” because this was her name.  At the time, I was serving as the Associate Pastor of the church and I worked closely with a Head of Staff/Senior Pastor, named Jarred.  One day, after church, this woman who we will call “Doris,” because that was her name, went up to Jarred and said, “The next time you talk with John about his sermons, tell him that he pushes his glasses up too often on his nose.  Maybe he needs new glasses because they keep falling down and he has to keep pushing them up.”  

Now, consider – for a moment – that Doris did not come to me, asking after my glasses or the complexion of my oily nose upon which the glasses sat.  No, Doris went to Jarred who then came to me, forming this bizarre triangle of communication.  

If you spend any time learning about how groups of people work together, you might come across this concept of triangulation,  in which, I have a problem with someone but instead of talking with them, directly, about it, I go and share my frustrations with someone else who then goes and shares my frustrations with the person I’m frustrated with.  Does this sound confusing?  Yes, it does.  Does it sound unnecessary?  Yes.  Does this sound like something that has ever been done to you?  I’m willing to guess, yes.  Does it sound like something you and I have ever done to someone else?  Yikes!  Probably. . . ?  Alas, Doris moved away before I was able to address this matter directly with her.  Let’s just say that some things are. . . still unresolved.

In today’s reading from the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus teaches us about proper communication and healthy group dynamics.  We also learn that even when the group dynamics are not healthy, the door should always be left open for healing.  

The first part of today’s reading seems fairly straightforward.  Jesus starts by telling his disciples (which includes those of us who would seek to follow Jesus in our own lives) that, “if another member of the church sins against you. . .”  (Matthew 18:15). In the original language, Jesus is talking about someone who is as close to you as a sibling.  Jesus uses the word “brother” here, which implies a brother or sister in the faith who sins against you – someone who is part of the broader community of believers – someone in the household of disciples who harms you in some way.[1]  

Now, if you are new to church or think that everyone in church is super nice and nobody ever does anything to make anyone else feel bad, I’m sorry to shatter any illusions you might have.  Alas, we do not always live up to the ideals we profess.  There are any number of historical accounts, and books, and podcasts, and personal anecdotes about how people have been hurt by other people in the church.  In recent years, we have witnessed clergy abuse scandals, and churches torn apart by questions of sexual orientation and ordination, and marriage, and politics.  People can get hurt – physically, spiritually, emotionally – even at church.  Many of these hurt people might leave a particular congregation and never go back, or they might walk out of church-as-a-whole – the very idea of church or organized religion – and never come back.  In my mind, the church has a lot more confessing and repenting to do and a lot more relationships to heal.  

When it comes to healing relationships, Jesus tells us that the best kind of reconciliation happens face-to-face.  In today’s reading, there are the oft-quoted words of Jesus, which you heard earlier, “where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” (18:20)  I’ve always thought of these words in a, “whenever two or three people get together in Jesus’ name, Jesus is spiritually present and it’s all wonderful” sense.  Upon reflection though, I’m thinking yes, it is true that Jesus does bring wonder and joy in moments of fellowship and community, but also, “whenever two or three people – who do not agree or who have hurt one another – get together in Jesus’ name, Jesus is there among them and it ain’t easy. . . but Jesus is there, bringing grace to the table, even when the people who have gathered around that table are fresh out of grace for one another.”  

You know, after the presidential election of 2016, I preached a sermon right here that rubbed some people the wrong way.  I admit that I did not choose my words wisely in that emotionally charged time.  But I only heard about the negative response to my sermon through back channels and specific names were never shared with me.  There was one person, though, who did come to talk.  They walked right into my colleague Karen’s office to talk to her about me and my sermon.  It could have been another “Doris” situation, but Karen – who knew something about the dangers of triangulation – immediately pulled that person next door into my office and we spoke face to face.  It took such courage for them to speak their mind directly to me.  And what they had to say was not easy for me to hear. But, in that moment, I sensed so much grace – grace that didn’t come from the brave, though hurt, person sitting in front of me; grace that did not come from me, the person who heard some hard things, but grace that came from the Holy One who was present among us.  

To this day, whenever I see that person at church, I am so thankful for them and the lesson God taught me – through them – about how much power words can have, especially when they are spoken from the pulpit.  And I am so grateful for the grace that abounds when the truth is spoken – and heard – in love.  

This is what Jesus tells us to do.  Go directly to the person in question.  Or, take someone with you and go directly to the person in question – the person who harmed your sensibilities, your spirit, you body. . .  This can be so hard.  There are some people who don’t mind making others feel uncomfortable, but most of us would rather just let things slide or take the easier path.  And when we do take the easy path – we sidestep the truth that leads to healing.  As someone told me just the other day, there are times that we may have hurt someone without knowing, and we might never know unless they tell us.[2]

We need to take great care, though, because there are times – especially in this post-“Me-too” world – when it is important to acknowledge that someone should not – for their own safety and spirit – be in the same room as the person who hurt them.  

In just a moment, we will sing a hymn that includes the lyrics, 

For everyone born, a place at the table, abuser, abused, with need to forgive, in anger, in hurt, a mindset of mercy, for just and unjust, a new way to live.[3]

“Abuser, [and] abused, with need to forgive?”  You know, whenever we have sung this song over the past few years, we have left this verse out because. . . well, it’s too hard for many of us to wrap our minds around.  In a 2013 article on Patheos, called “When My Abuser is Welcome at the Table, I am Not,” the title says it all.  The author writes that if the church were to welcome the person who had previously assaulted the author then she, herself, would feel unwelcome.[4]  

How do we reconcile this, especially when – in today’s text – Peter asks Jesus, “How often should I forgive?  As many as seven times?” (18:21)  There are many who find it hard to forgive just once, much less seven times.  And yet Jesus says, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.” (18:22)  Other ancient versions of this text have Jesus saying “seventy times seven” or “four-hundred ninety” times.  As one commentator writes, “Jesus’ response effectively knows no limits.”[5]  How many times should we forgive?  Jesus’ answer is “Infinite.”

But, before we throw up our hands and say, “Jesus, this is too much!” I think it is important to state several things:

First, God’s ability to forgive is far greater than our own human ability to forgive.  Remember, when Jesus is hanging on the cross, he prays, “Father, forgive them – the people who have put me here to suffer and die – for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)[6]  God’s power to forgive and restore goes far beyond our own power or understanding.  And sometimes, as the song infers, the forgiveness that abusers need can only, in the end, come from God.�� 

Second, it is important for us to note that the church has some standards for what reconciliation looks like and it does not put the onus for forgiveness solely on the person who was abused.  You know, I don’t often quote from the Book of Order of the Presbyterian Church (USA), and when I do, I rarely quote from the part of the book that centers on church discipline, but the church has put procedures in place – including an internal court system – whose primary goals are, in part:  

• To honor God by making clear the significance of membership in the body of Christ;  • To preserve the purity of the church by nourishing the individual within the life of the believing community;  • To pursue and reveal the truth;  • To achieve justice and compassion for all participants involved;  • To correct or restrain wrongdoing in order to bring members to repentance and restoration;  • To uphold the dignity of those who have been harmed by offenses; • To restore the unity of the church by removing the causes of discord and division. . .[7]

Just so you know, the “church court system” is not a substitute for a civil or criminal court system – a crime is still a crime – but when Jesus tells his disciples in today’s scripture reading that they have the authority to “bind and loose,” he is telling them that they have the authority to set some standards for what communal life in the body of Christ should look like, based on prayerful discernment of the scriptures, and the example of Jesus, and the movement of the Holy Spirit.  

Today, when we sing the line, “abuser, abused, with need to forgive,” there is part of this forgiveness that involves the restraining of wrongdoing and true repentance on the part of the person who has done wrong.  And, the good news is that the forgiving and reconciling work of Jesus is not finished.  God’s new way to live is something that we might not see or experience this side of heaven, but there is promise and hope that God will, in the end, make all things right.  

Justice will be done and relationships will be made right in the kingdom, even if it is hard for us to see right now.  For God, the door is always open.  And, for us. . . well, in that spirit, may our minds and hearts always be open to the life and example and teachings of Jesus – even the difficult teachings that we can understand and embody only with God’s help.  

In this time when relationships between friends, and neighbors, and even siblings in Christ can be strained and tested and sometimes broken by all that is going on in the world, my prayer is that this place may be an example of right relationships, of speaking the truth, of accountability and repentance, of listening with grace, and, ultimately, a place of healing.  

May God make it so.  May God make us so.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.   

------ 

[1] Warren Carter, Matthew and the Margins: A Sociopolitical and Religious Reading (Maryknoll: Orbis Books, 2000) 367.

[2] M.J.

[3] Shirley Erena Murray, 1998. Glory to God: The Presbyterian Hymnal (Louisville: Westminster John Knox Press, 2013) No. 769, v. 4.

[4] Sarah Moon, Patheos, June 9, 2013.  https://www.patheos.com/blogs/sarahoverthemoon/2013/06/when-my-abuser-is-welcome-at-the-table-i-am-not/.

[5] Warren Carter, 369.

[6] Paraphrased, JHS.

[7] Presbyterian Church (USA), The Book of Order: The Constitution of the Presbyterian Church (USA) Part II (Louisville: Presbyterian Publishing, 2023) D-1.031.  

[chirpsythismorning]

It would appear I am indeed one of the very few optimistic (delusional?) Bylers left.

Not saying that if you feel hopeless and need to move on, that you can't. A lot of you have been through this before with other shows. Again and again. You’re tired and fed-up and you have every right to be.

Technically, Season 5 won't be out for another 2+ years anyways, which means the best thing for everyone regardless is to get whatever we need off our chests now and then to just go on a hiatus for the foreseeable future. 

When it comes to how I feel about Vol. 2, there were definitely at least a few good moments. If this season has anything going for it, it’s the emotional value. This is without a doubt the most I’ve cried ever while watching the show. One scene in particular that had me on the floor was the scene with Will and El reuniting and hugging. And of course the scene with Will and Mike in the van (DAMN YOU NOAH SCHNAPP FOR MAKING ME SOB SO HARD ALL DAY THAT I GOT A MIGRAINE!)

But yes, I am a Byler. So you could say I was a bit disappointed in that department.

And yet still, I think my take on the later part of season 4 is much different from the majority.

Because personally, I don’t think that what played out in Vol. 2 means that Byler is dead. If anything, I believe it to be more endgame than I did before (well, at least in comparison to pre-s4. There’s no denying pre-Vol. 2 confidence levels remain unmatched. Truly the best era for the Byler fandom to date).

I think my main issue is, like so many of us on here, I thought it was guaranteed we would get to see Mike become aware of Will’s feelings. 

Alas, we did not.

And to be totally clear, without this revelation, Byler can’t go anywhere. 

Neither forwards, nor technically backwards.

This means the baiting game is not over. Which as bad as it sounds, is why I’m still so optimistic…

Now, if they had made Will’s feelings obvious to Mike, or even the fact that Will is gay as being obvious to Mike, but STILL had Mike behave the way he did in Vol. 2, now THAT would have sucked. It would have been canon rejection on Mike’s end.

But we didn’t even get rejection from Mike. 

Instead, we got Will coming off as a hardcore M*leven shipper in Mike's eyes, all while the audience was getting the exact opposite interpretation of this situation; that Will is helplessly in love with Mike. 

Will is able to voice the extent of his love, albeit through advice to Mike about his own situation with El, in a way that no one else on the show has been able to. Most of the other characters need a bunch of bystanders to make them realize their feelings and push them in that direction. But Will, he doesn’t need someone holding his hand along the way, telling him what the right thing to do or say is. His love isn’t something he needs to really think about in order to understand it. It just is.

(Which is SO fucking ironic when you think about how Mike always needs help with figuring out his feelings for El and even sounds like he’s reading off a script when he’s trying to explain himself to her. Whereas with Will, s2 monologue teas, it’s the most natural thing Mike’s ever done. Unscripted, straight from the heart… And both Vol. 1-2 continued to drive home this concept, so maybe jot that down..)

It’s just that, unfortunately, in Will’s eyes, Mike will never return this love, which means his only option is to let Mike go. If supporting Mike and El’s relationship means putting himself dead last in every respect, so that his best friend and his sister can be happy, Will is going to do just that. 

But as far as Mike knows, Will holds no romantic feelings for him. I mean after all, Will is guiding Mike literally every step of the way to confessing his love to El, and that doesn't sound like the behavior of someone who’s in love with you, now does it? 

So why would Mike, throw everything on the line, including the survival of their family and friends in Hawkins by not simply just telling his gf he loves her? All while El is right there loving him and needing his love to fight (presumably), with Will beside him literally rooting for him to do just that? This is very obviously the only option in Mike’s eyes.

Which is ironic, because in a way, I think that Mike has truly never seen him and Will as an option, just like Will, but for an entirely different reason. 

Mike views his feelings for Will as childish, something he will grow out of, or at least should have by now.

“We’re not kids anymore. What did you think, really? That we were never going to get girlfriends? That we were just going to sit in my basement and play games for the rest of our lives?”

If Mike can’t love El, then how can he possibly love any women? She’s special. She’s a superhero. He HAS to love her, right? It’s the best option he could ever possibly have. Well, at least considering…

But what happens when suddenly, he comes to the realization that him and Will ARE an option? And that the only thing ever stopping them was himself and his inability to just be honest with everyone and himself?

I think the truth is, there’s a reason that they’re holding off on this revelation for Mike. 

It will be a catalyst. It will change everything.

Now, how exactly do you think Mike is going to react to this? The fact that Will was in love with him this whole time and he had no idea?

Honestly, I think he’s going to react horribly, but not for the reason everyone assumes.

Because I would argue that, if Mike was going to react badly with disgust or even just let Will down nicely to confirm it’s indeed unrequited, then the Duffer’s would have just given this revelation up by now. But they haven’t.

Once Mike finds out that Will is (probably always will be) in love with him, and that instead of telling him, Will used his love to help Mike get closer to El, even when Mike himself was having doubts over and over? That Will went as far as to lie about the painting he worked so hard on for Mike in order to rekindle their dying friendship, to instead insinuate it was commission from El, to give Mike that final push he needed to even have the courage to tell El he loved her? That all the moments like this that they shared as of late, was really just Will talking about himself? That the only reason he was able to tell El he loved her in the first place, was because he was so moved by Will’s love for him??

This is going to break Mike.

And let’s be real here, two episodes would not have done this revelation justice. 

So now, just knowing the direction they went for Vol. 2, as well as coming to terms with it, I have reached the conclusion that, despite how bleak things seem now, ‘maybe all of this is happening for a reason’ (s2 Mike Wheeler, we miss u).

Which brings me to the other most important piece of the puzzle, which is that, arguably, El needs to be the one who ends things once and for all.

The general audience has been given the impression El is head over heels in love with Mike, and so of course they were rooting for Mike to get on with it and just tell her he loved her. 

But that’s the interesting part. He finally did tell her, but her reaction in the aftermath was not something a lot of fans expected. 

It seems that she’s distancing herself from Mike, a fact that Will acknowledges to Mike later at Hopper’s cabin, with Mike genuinely confused because he thought he did the one thing he had to do. 

He told her he loved her. Which makes everything alright now, right?

But maybe it doesn’t.

Maybe the reminder we got, of that speech from Max to El, about how she didn’t need Mike or Hopper or ANY man to know her worth, was foreshadowing for what honestly needs to happen in order for El to really process and realize her own true feelings about Mike.

Because, although I do believe El genuinely thought she loved Mike, is it possible that Mike was not only having doubts about saying it because of the reasons he argued, or even because of some repressed feelings for Will, but also because El hadn’t given him what he needed to truly believe she loved him.

Mike, like a lot of people, doesn’t need to hear “I love you” to believe that someone loves him.

“I didn’t say it.”

“You didn’t have to.”

He wants something more meaningful, or more specifically, something along the lines of the speech Will gave to him in the van.

Will’s confession disguised as El’s, was what Mike needed to finally say I love you to El... 

Something I think we also got caught up in, is this idea that the Duffer’s were just going to drop M*leven and throw in Byler, with everything else going on, while they still have a whole ass season to promote for another 3+ years, and to their mostly 80’s loving homophobic audience. If Byler is going to happen, it’s going to be the definition of slow-burn and endgame. That’s literally the only way. 

This puzzle is complex, which sucks if you want all the answers now, because we’re just not going to get them. If they give up all their moves, then what is the point of telling the story at all? 

Other pieces of the puzzle include things that arguably still need to happen before Byler can, even regardless of the constraints they have as show-runners who run the biggest show on Netflix’s dying platform. 

Things like Will and El’s love for each other as brother and sister. Considering all the fans that said Will hates El because he didn’t stand up to her bullies or that he’s a home-wrecker who just wants to get with her boyfriend, is why I do think they needed to debunk these insinuations within the narrative. And boy oh boy did they deliver on that front. Will is the most selfless son of a bitch on the planet, who loves his best friend and his sister so much. They made that very clear. And you can see that despite a few homophobes here and there, the general audience's reaction to Will in Vol 2 is sympathy and to Mike it's confusion and betrayal...

Hmm, making El realize she doesn't even love Mike, after making Will's unrequited feelings for Mike more clear, after making Mike behave like an IDIOT this entire time juggling these two relationships, only for him to become aware of whats going on, and to clearly be in love with Will?

Sounds like a good way to set up Byler to an audience that might not have humored it before...

And like I said, with how important I do think it was for this to happen in order for them to go the Byler route, is why I don’t necessarily see this approach as a bad thing. We even got the Will and El hug in 4x08, which maybe it’s just because Noah and Millie are so close, but I would easily rank that on my top most well-earned moments in the whole show.

We NEEDED that. Especially in terms of what is likely to come in season 5 with Byler endgame...

Also, yes the Will angst sucked and it's just trauma porn at this point. I’m not going to deny that fully. I agree with pretty much all of the criticism in regards to how they chose to do certain things when they didn't necessarily have to, but I also simultaneously am able to understand that it again, maybe this is all happening for a reason. If they are indeed going to have Will play a big role in the final season, than them forgetting his birthday, Mike being oblivious and all this other shit he's been through combined, sets up a really arc for him next season, not even necessarily a villain one, but all of this pain has the potential to lead to a happy ending. And I'm being full serious.

Like we have Finn Wolfhard saying the ending of Stranger Things will be like the ending of Schitt’s Creek??? That it will end at it's highest point. The last episode of Schitt’s Creek is literally a happily ever after gay wedding, there's no other way to interpret that…

We also know that a lot of ideas for the last seasons were planned from the beginning, with David Harbour saying that he knew the ending way back in s2 and that it's beautiful and has been the intended plan all along. That there's easter eggs that will have us going 'WOW this is what we've been watching the whole time'? That it's wonderful?

If you’re the level of Byler truther that believes they were somewhat planned all along from the beginning, then you would also know that if they plan a happy ending for Mike and Will, then they would have no problem killing us this painfully in the beginning of the end, because they know we’ll be the ones cheering on by the actual end, and it'll be the homophobes who are pissed and stuck with this result forever as endgame. 

I’m just saying, don’t be surprised when s5 gets closer and we actually see them promoting Byler… like a lot. And we actually start getting in canon hints at scenes with El herself even trying to get them together.

Groveling Mike Wheeler era?

Will finding a potential new love interest and Mike pining/jealous?

Come ONNN! You guys are way more delusional than you’re giving yourselves credit for and I urge you to join me!!!

[noodyl-blasstal]

Scamming me, scamming you!

This concept has been haunting me, so I thought I’d actually write it. Likely to be 3 chapters, first one is up on A03

Or read here:

From: sizzleitup69420@gmail.com

To: Kravitz.MacLir@raven.net

Subject: YOU’VE BAGGED YOURSELF A PRIZE!

Body: Congratulations Kravitz MacLir!

You’ve won yourself a complete prize, looking forward to getting to know you better, handsome.

Ttotheatotheako

The spam emails were getting worse. Kravitz hated them. What he hated more though, was the thought of other people getting caught up by them. He’d already signed the bloke who said he was going to be given $50,000,000 and the sex life enhancement pills person up for thousands of other emails (the bureau had a lot of email lists you could sign up to in one go by checking a few boxes) to clog up their inboxes. This one though, this sounded like it could be really dangerous, he knew that romance scams caught a lot of people out and he refused to let it happen when he could do something about it. He may as well waste this person’s time so they didn’t go after someone vulnerable instead.

From: Kravitz.MacLir@raven.net

To: sizzleitup69420@gmail.com

Subject: RE: YOU’VE BAGGED YOURSELF A PRIZE!

Body: Hi T (is it okay if I call you T?),

Wow, that sounds great. What would you like to know? Tell me about yourself?

Kravitz.

_______________________________

Taako woke up and immediately wished he hadn’t. He wasn’t entirely convinced they weren’t on Dav’s ship because the room felt like it was rocking. It had been a long time since the seasickness caught him this badly.

“Hey Goofus, you up?” Taako groaned at the sound of Lup’s voice.

“Don’t yell.” He croaked. Oh. His voice absolutely was not working properly.

“I’m talking at a normal volume, genius. I told you that you were going to be wrecked today. You should have left with us.” Lup sat down on the bed next to him and tugged his hair gently. The movement of the bed made his stomach lurch uncomfortably, he couldn’t find reassurance in the fact that he at least still had his sea legs. The boat wasn’t an issue, it was the metric fucktonne of alcohol he drank the night before.

“You are going to need so much conditioner for this.” She scooped a few more strands of hair.

“You forgot your bonnet and you’re still wearing your boots.” Lup sounded more amused than judgemental, she’d been in similarly awful states before so she had no room to judge.

“Fine, hash brown sandwiches.” Lup relented and patted his head.

Instead of replying, Taako decided the best course of action was to ensure maximum sympathy. He wasn’t going to make it through today if Lup didn’t feel bad enough for him to provide hangover supplies. He let out a small moan and very slowly wormed his way across the bed closer to her and nuzzled his head into her side.

“Oh poor brother mine, how you suffer. If only there were literally anything you could have done to avoid this very occurrence, but alas, there was not.” Lup was definitely talking louder than she needed to, and Taako groaned louder and snuggled harder.

“With an egg?” Taako croaked?

“With an egg.” Lup replied, rolling her eyes.

By the time he felt human enough to crawl out of bed, wriggle out of yesterday’s clothes and into the biggest tshirt and cosiest sweats he owned, delicious smells were wafting in from the kitchen. The promise of Lup’s cooking provided enough motivation to sway down the hallway and onto the sofa.

“My saviour!” Taako whimpered, dramatically throwing himself backwards over the arm and flat onto his back with his legs stretched out (instantly regretting the way the world lurched as he did.)

“You’d do the same for me.” Lup grumbled affectionately, flipping some eggs in the pan.

“Are you feeling vaguely more human?”

“A sandwich and a head pat, then you’re on your own.” Lup said as she scooped his legs out of the way and sat down, handing him a plate with thick buttery bread, crispy potato, and a runny orange yolked egg. It barely touched the sides as he wolfed it down, chasing it with most of the glass of water.

Taako considered it, and the large glass of water Lup had clearly left on the table for him. He took a few small sips.

“Vaguely, but I think I need a lot more love and attention.”

“Fuck. I needed that. Thanks Lu.”

“Yeah, yeah. Flattery will get you everywhere my good dude.” Lup grabbed the second sandwich she’d been hiding behind the sofa with a flourish.

“It’s almost like I’ve known you too long.” Lup sounded smug. Taako didn’t have the energy to bicker, he just made grabby hands at the sandwich and gratefully wolfed it down.

“So, what did you get up to after we’d gone?” Lup asked.

“I assume only good and sensible things?”

Taako was fairly sure they had done something after Lup left, but the majority of last night was a blur. He definitely remembered dancing, Magnus jumping arrhythmically and Merle doing a strangely horny interpretive dance which featured a disconcerting amount of jazz hands. In fact, he wished he didn’t remember that bit… They left the bar when Magnus decided he wanted to see the stars, Taako had a vague flash of the three of them howling at the sky. Then lying on damp grass. More howling? Probably more howling. Talking about Julia. Mavis and Mookie’s first year in their new school. Kravitz’s beautiful face. Kravitz’s beautiful face...

“Fuck!” Taako yelled, bolting upright and running for his bedroom. He needed to check his phone… surely he didn’t? He wouldn’t! There way no way he actually emailed him. No way.

“Kravitz.” Taako confirmed, mumbling into the comforter.

Taako threw himself on the bed and grabbed for the phone on the bedside table.

“No no no no no no no no no no no.” He repeated as he clicked through to his sent messages. Okay, no text. He did have an email notification though. From Kravitz…

“Fuck!” He repeated and flopped face first into the duvet.

Lup leaned up against the door frame.

“Oooooh, this one’s going to be good. Kravitz?” She asked.

“Did you finally tell him you like him?” Lup asked, perching on the bed again. Taako didn’t reply, he just shoved his phone towards her, email open on the screen.

Taako groaned again and refused to look at her. No matter how uncomfortable breathing through the bed was, it was worth not having to make eye contact about this.

“T-to-the-a-to-the-ako.” Lup deadpanned.

“And via email too? Certainly a choice, bro bro.”

“He did reply though.” Lup sounded optimistic.

“He wants to get to know you. That’s good, right?”

“Okay, Goofus. You live here in comfy things land, I’ll email your new boyfriend back.” Lup said. By the time Taako could rearrange himself to make a grab for the phone she was already running. Fuck.

Taako’s small howling noise hopefully clearly demonstrated that it was not, in fact, ‘good right.’ He grabbed a pillow and pulled it over his head.

“I’m never coming out.”

“Lup! Don’t you fucking dare!” He screeched, skidding to a halt just in time to avoid the bathroom door swinging shut in his face.

“Dear Kravitz, I’m so glad you replied, I’ve loved you from the first moment I set eyes on you and my sister is sick of hearing about how handsome you are so you should date me already. My eternal love and devotion, T.” Lup sing-songed through the door.

“Lup! I will tell Barold everything if you don’t stop right now.” Taako knew this was the nuclear option, but he’d expire on the spot if she told Kravitz how long he’d been mooning over him. He needed to have an actual conversation with the man and ask him out to his actual face. He was going to do that any day now. Any day now had, admittedly, stretched over the last seven months, but he was really close to getting up the courage to do it. There was a pause on the other side of the door - Lup was clearly weighing her options.

“How are you going to tell him without your phone?” Lup asked. Fuck. She had him there, he couldn’t exactly ring Barry on the house phone they didn’t have. Maybe he could Skype him on Lup’s laptop? Barry was bound to answer if Lup was ringing, regardless of what the medium was. In fact, a video call would make him more eager to pick up!

“I’ll Skype him, Lup. I’ll do it. I’m going to get your laptop right now.” Taako made exaggerated walking noises.

There was a long pause from inside the bathroom.

“I can still hear you breathing, Goofus.”

“Please don’t tell him.” Lup said quietly. Taako heard her sag against the door and down to the floor. He flopped against it and pressed his back to where he assumed hers was.

Fuck.

“Look, please Lup, I’m going to tell him, I promise. You’ve been whinging about Barry for five years, I’ve only been talking about Kravitz for one, and if you really think about it, that’s just being sensible. You have to vet people before you ask them out. He could be a serial killer!” Okay, so it might have been a bit of a stretch, but Taako chose to believe he was valid.

“I wouldn’t really. Sorry Lulu.” He probably went a bit far. Threatening Skype was unnecessarily violent.

“I’m going to tell him… Probably.” She said. Taako waited. The next bit always followed quickly.

“I mean, it’s just, he doesn’t like me back. He would have told me by now. He’s just being my friend and enjoying being pals and I’m here perving over him like someone fully incapable of just being friends with men.”

Taako knew his place in this dance, they’d done it often enough before.

“... And that’s why you’re always perving over Merle.” He said, sagely.

“Oh, you’ve asked him, have you?” Taako asked, knowing she hadn’t.

“TAAKO!” Lup’s disgust never lessened, no matter how many times he did it.

“Fine, I can be friends with men. Just not that specific man, who wants to just be friends with me.”

“No!” Replied Lup, horrified. Taako rolled his eyes.

“I can hear you rolling your eyes!” She said indignantly. Taako stuck his tongue out in response. She clearly couldn’t hear that.

“Look, Taako. I… Well, I might have sent a small email.” Lup’s voice was hesitant.

“I’m sorry, you fucking what?” Taako was on his feet and pulling at the handle now.

“Lup! Unsend it!” He jiggled the handle more aggressively.

“Lup, you have to let me in, what did you do?” Taako gave the door a weeny kick. He could absolutely have knocked the thing down if he needed (their landlord had outfitted this place as cheaply as possible), but hopefully the threat of losing their deposit would convince Lup to open the door.

“You made this happen.” Taako replied snippily as he clicked onto the message sent three minutes ago. Three minutes?! Bloody hell. This was a disaster. What had she even said ‘Hey random man who I spoke to at that university thing last year, sorry about how you thought I was Lup and I hit on you and it was really awkward because she knew you were gay, but would you actually like to bone down because I’m not her and am in fact, a man? You sound real cool in the stories they tell me and I have a massive crush on you!’ Dunk, there was an above average chance she had written exactly that. If she had, he was absolutely skyping Barold.

The lock clicked and the door cracked open the tiniest amount possible. Taako lunged forward, shoving it open. He definitely didn’t mean for Lup to fall in the empty bath, but there was no way she was keeping his phone a second longer than she already had it. He climbed in after her and launched himself at her hand.

“Ow! Gerroff”! Lup wriggled and Taako felt the tap digging into his shoulder, but was too busy trying to get to his sent emails to care.

From: sizzleitup69420@gmail.com

To: Kravitz.MacLir@raven.net

Subject: RE: YOU’VE BAGGED YOURSELF A PRIZE!

Body: T is fine! What do you do? Do you enjoy it? I work as a chef, T x

“What, I should have written ‘Hey Krav, I know everything about you because my sister talks about you all the time because otherwise I get pouty and ask her loads of questions about you because I think you’re really hot and nice but also I’m scared to actually have a conversation with you even though you ask my sister about me lots too?’” Lup raised an eyebrow.

“Lup!” Taako looked at the phone like it had bitten him.

“This is the driest message. He’s never going to speak to me again… and I know what he does??? You know I know what he does. You work with him, you tell me about him!” He thunked his head against the side of the bath. Lup finally managed to shove him off her enough to sit up, legs hanging over the edge.

“If you’re dead, then I suppose I’ll have to check who that’s from,” said Lup. Taako could hear the smug grin on her ridiculous face.

“I don’t get pouty!” Taako pouted.

“And you couldn’t think of anything in the middle of those two messages?” He added incredulously. Maybe he could just email back and explain that his sister had stolen his phone? But she was Kravitz’s colleague, and he’d probably want to know why she’d done that… Maybe Lup had his home address and Taako could just sneak in and steal Kravitz’s phone, delete the email, and… that was probably not going to go well either. Fuck. This was a disaster. Lup nudged him again and he went limp.

“You’ve finally done it, Lup, you’ve killed me. It turns out you were the stronger twin all along. I’m going to haunt Barry until he gets a ouija board so I can tell him you’ve been in love with him for four and a half years.” Taako threw an arm dramatically across his eyes, and felt Lup wriggle fully free off the tub. His phone buzzed loudly.

His hand clenched around his phone as he suddenly felt slightly more alive.

“It’s a miracle.” Lup deadpanned.

“You somehow pulled through.”

What kind of stuff do you like cooking? Do you enjoy your job? Sounds like fun!

From: Kravitz.MacLir@raven.net

To: sizzleitup69420@gmail.com

Subject: RaE: YOU’VE BAGGED YOURSELF A PRIZE!

Body: Hi T, I work in social justice at a university. My current research is looking at how the internet can be used to exploit vulnerable people and how to

prevent that. I really enjoy it and think it’s very important.

Kravitz.

[wh6res]

dreams come true | yuta

"soulmate or not. i don't shoot blanks." — ny

[ part of the my bloody valentine collection ]

tw. gore, blood, murder, death, killings, mentions of illegal organ trafficking, violence, mentions of stalking, minor character deaths, weapons (a knife and a gun), almost (??) suggestive content but nothing happened

disc. this is rlly fucked up and yuta is unredeemable. i dont condone such acts. this is all a work of fiction and meant to entertain.

wc. 5k

every time you sleep, the void is sickening. it was all you could see, lightyears and lightyears away of pitch black that made your head dizzy and your stomach dry heave. you've always wondered when you'll start dreaming about your soulmate's memories. they were like little secrets, another way for two people to be intimate without even being together. their days were flashing before their soulmate's eyes in the form of a dream. it's as if you spent the day with them!

you loved it, the whole concept of it. it sounded so wholesome and sweet and jesus fucking christ, you've always been such a hopeless romantic.

it was sweet until it turned sour. you loved it until you hated it. it was romantic until it turned downright terrifying.

you wake up covered in cold sweat, panting and gasping as if you've run a whole marathon.

moonlight seeps through your glass window, slightly left ajar for the midnight breeze to pass through – you walk up to it, pull it shut, and draw your thick curtains together. you exhaled, breath shaking as you tried to anchor yourself back to the ground.

with the only source of your light disappearing, darkness envelops you whole. for once, you craved the void. you want that void back if it meant never seeing something like that again – something straight out of your worst nightmare.

"119, what's your emergency?"

"uhm, i think… i think i just witnessed a massacre."

you reiterate everything you saw in the dream – the mahogany door, paint chipping off the drywalls. the doorknob was rusty, so were the hinges, and it made an ominous creak when pushed open. the light switches on, the first you see was a bunch of dirty ice coolers in what should've been the living room, it wasn't even the slightest bit organized. they were everywhere, and the floor looked grimy and disgusting, like there's a stain they can't seem to scrub off. only when your soulmate has stalked closer did you see the labels haphazardly taped on top of the ice coolers.

kidneys. livers. lungs. pancreas. intestines – you nearly vomited on the floor, trying to relay everything you saw to the operator on the other end of the call.

then came the gruesome parts.

their deaths.

they were five people in total. men clad in cheap t-shirts and pants, wearing all these similar leather jackets. some were well-built, ripped in the arms and thighs, but some were skinny, the jackets hanging on their small frames.

they never stood a chance against him.

your soulmate is agile, quick on his feet with outstanding eye-hand coordination. only equipped with a butcher's knife, but it was all he needed to take them down and send them knocking on inferno's gates. he was skilled, knowing when to pounce and where to slash his knife to maim but never to kill. by the time your soulmate was through with them, everything is bloody red. all the victims' eyes widened as they sputtered and choked on their blood – not dead, but dying...

because your soulmate wasn't done yet.

a killer should have a modus operandi, should they not? so he took out a desert eagle, stood before the bleeding bodies, and shot two bullets straight into their eyes. the finishing touch? carving a frown on their faces with his butcher's knife.

the operator only told you one thing after she's made you describe the place for them to track the crime scene down.

"double-check all your windows and doors."

because you couldn't be too sure, not when you have been granted a front seat to the sad face slayer's most recent endeavors.

the detective eyes you with a certain pity. maybe that's why you don't bother meeting his eyes. you sit still on a chair, camera blinking red behind him, the interrogation room is freezing even with the thick jacket you're wearing.

seven billion people in the world and you're soulmate's a ruthless serial killer who took it upon himself to purge the world of evildoers – he was playing god, no wonder the detective is looking at you like that.

"uhh…" he's awkward, fidgeting in his seat. "and you saw this all in a dream?"

"yes."

you've known him only minutes ago. mark lee was his name and he seems to be a subordinate of a higher, more experienced detective named kim doyoung. you don't know whether to feel offended or not for having a doe-eyed newbie taking care of the case, but you pushed it at the back of your mind, knowing his superior is watching on the other side of the two-way mirror.

"did you have, like, other past instances where you dreamt of him? of what he…" mark looked like he was going to throw up. "what he does to his other victims?"

you shook your head. no. "i've mostly just heard of him on the news. i don't think i have the stomach to find out in-depth what the killer does."

mark takes out a folder, features walking the fine white line between looking apologetic or wanting to say me too. "i'm, uhh, really sorry to hear that."

there's a sudden pregnant silence encapsulating the interrogation room. it felt like you were mourning for something, the chains of dread dragging your heart to the ground as it pounded against your ribcage. mark looked like he wanted to say something, but you swore his eyes darted towards the camera in the corner and decided otherwise.

"anyway…" he trails. flipping the folder open in one swift motion. "past sightings have given us the sad face slayer's name."

he slaps down a picture of a man, his hair raven and a permanent scowl etched on his face. the quality was shitty. it looked like it was a screenshot taken from zoomed-in cctv footage.

"nakamoto yuta, twenty-five, japanese, and has slipped one too many times past authorities that at this point, it's practically a talent."

and just like that, it made sense why you're here.

your lips pursed in contemplation, palms quaking as your fingers reach forward to inspect your soulmate's picture. "and… you want to use my soulmate connection –" you glowered. never had a sentence sounded so fucking cursed and utterly wrong. "– to catch him?"

mark can't look you in the eye. "yes. he's very elusive. his killings have been happening cross-country and, as you can see, have garnered national media attention. the police are hanging by a thread here. a month in his case and all we got is his MO, name, and that he has this weird god complex on him. if we can't catch him by the end of next month…" he shrugs. "the feds are going to interfere, sooner or later."

"so…" you trail, urging him to continue.

"so, we need as much information about him as we can get and your dreams about him will be able to provide that."

fucking great.

the much newer revelations of precisely who it was on the other end of the soulmate connection put a significant damper on your mood. you'd like to think your new little cop buddy who follows you around gives you the least bit sense of security, but alas, it doesn't. not when you've seen first hand how yuta took down five men all at once without breaking a fucking sweat – you absolutely refuse to call him your soulmate, you'd never accept a person with his nature as a soulmate.

you try to hide the bracelet mark handed you last two weeks ago, during your time spent in the precinct's interrogation room.

"please have this on you at all times until we catch him, okay? this is for extra measures, just in case something happens to the cop assigned to guard you. just press the little button here and we'll be there before you can even finish shouting 'help!' – hey, i was just kidding! what's with the face?"

considering you're now probably being hunted alive for snitching on a serial killer? mark lee, that was not funny at all.

"do you have to get inside the lecture with me?" you whine, shielding your face with your hair when you notice people shooting glances at the rather handsome cop they assigned to you. "it's not like he'll attack in broad daylight! and in a fucking classroom, for that matter."

jaehyun looks just about ready to hurl you out the window. "lower down your voice," he scolds. "serial killers don't pick a time and place, sweetheart. he kills when necessary and if it's fucking necessary to murder everyone in that classroom to get to you? he'll do it in a fucking heartbeat."

you sigh when the chair next to you screeches against the floor, the aforementioned male taking his seat right next to you. jaehyun felt more like a babysitter than a cop, who seems to have a habit of constantly inputting his not-even-needed opinions on the most superficial things.

are witness protection protocols like this?

it was a good thing that overgrown bat doesn't come hanging around in your apartment, but he does have the police car parked right across the building's entrance. judging by how meticulous and thorough he seems to be, he won't miss any face that comes in and out of the building.

you didn't forget exactly why you're under witness protection. for the cops to waste one good officer to follow you around, you needed to be valuable and being valuable meant sleeping through nightmare-induced dreams of what your soulmate does for a living. the scenes are so gruesome, so graphic and utterly gory, that you dart towards the bathroom first thing after waking up in cold sweat, draining all of dinner down the toilet bowl.

after dreaming of him in action a few times, you've now completely understood what detective lee had said regarding yuta's god complex. it was unsightly, yet there was a twisted sense of heroism to it. if there's one thing, he only gutted the bad guys – but that didn't make nakamoto yuta any less of a bad guy, himself.

i need to ask you a favor [sent 2:05am]

JJH: what? [received 2:10am]

often the nightmares were too much. too much that you thought of escaping its horrors by never getting a wink of sleep ever again – until you realized you're a witness and is probably the only chance for the seoul police department to catch that bastard.

buy me sleeping pills? [read 2:08am]

when you peep out of the window, you find an empty spot across the road where jaehyun usually parks the police car. twenty minutes later, you answer the knocking on your door. he used that little "code" he did for you to know it was him. jaehyun was glowering and muttering about how he wasn't some errand boy when he shoved the plastic bottle in your hand yet, you still thanked him nonetheless.

the pills worked like a charm. you managed to stay asleep throughout the whole night, ceasing those episodes of yours where you jolt awake in the middle of dreaming about the sad face slayer's memories.

life continued for you. it became a little bearable, but that didn't mean the horrific murders you see in your dreams are something you can get used to – you don't think you'll ever get used to the sight of him slashing his victims, the blood trickling like a goddamned waterfall.

today the dreams were different. anticlimactic, per se, if you compare it to the violence so utterly present in his memories.

the first you see were black gates, then it shifted to him ordering coffee in a café (amazing what a simple black mask can hide). it switched to him walking on a sidewalk, then he arrives at his destination, an apartment building – it wasn't too rundown, nor was it extravagant.

the serial killer takes the elevator and walks up to a mahogany door –

your room number is a blaring sight.

you couldn't be wrong, not when the 506 with the missing zero in the middle was a sight you saw every day, going and coming home from university.

that was your front door.

he was at your front door.

you jolt awake, ignoring the icky feel of sweat making your clothes cling onto your skin. ice creeps up your spine and freezes you over when you notice with a sinking realization.

those black gates are from the university you attended. that café is your favorite study nook. and that sidewalk is a route you take every day.

you clamp your hands on your mouth as tears roll down your cheeks in rivulets. you pull the comforters up above your head, fear gripping onto you with a vice-like grip as you sob.

it was in the dead of night, moonlight grazing the confines of your room and hours away from dusk. you finally utter those three words in a frightened whisper.

"he's stalking me."

as if having the overgrown bat jaehyun following and annoying you around wasn't enough, you now have another person keeping watch over you. mark lee, unlike jaehyun, may not be as ripped with muscle, but you heard from your cop buddy that the young detective has a few black belts under him. people at the precinct said that if they have to choose one person who can ever come close to the sad face slayer's agility, mark lee's your guy.

"you gotta be shitting me," you mutter, leaning close to jaehyun to whisper like high school girls talking about gossip. "he doesn't look the type!"

jaehyun, in turn, plays along and copies you. "yeah, true. he gets that a lot, i think,"

"guys, i'm literally in the back seat. i can hear everything."

the change hadn't been too drastic. at least mark was there when jaehyun proved to be difficult, pulling him towards the other way when the older male tried waltzing into your class again. "you don't need to sit next to her in her class! are you serious? there's one exit and entrance and we're on the fifth floor. breaking into that classroom will be the end of nakamoto's serial killer career!"

you shoot mark an appreciative smile, one he quickly returned before hauling jaehyun around the hallway. "we'll just be at the canteen, okay? press the 'lil button on your bracelet and we'll be right there!"

shaking your head with a slight smile on your face, you entered the classroom, sat in your usual spot, and did some of your readings from our other class to kill time. you hardly hear the screech of the chair next to you as it was pulled back. not like you cared much for whoever sat down next to you, but you can't deny there's that feeling of missing jaehyun when he used to force his way into the lecture.

"settle down! settle down, people!"

the professor enters and the class begins.

you were meticulous with your note-taking system. it's thorough, leaving no room for information to slip you. having already printed hard copies of the powerpoint presentation and simply jotting down some extra key points mentioned by your professor.

you were just about to raise your hand for a question when you feel something warm graze past your arm. you absentmindedly look down.

the breath is sucked right out of your lungs.

hi, soulmate

there, scribbled with an ominous red crayon on a small piece of paper. it was almost laughable how innocent it looked but when you follow the ring-clad hand, up the black hoodie he's wearing, and finally to his face—

"hi! i'm yuta."

his cheshire smile spikes up your heartbeat. it makes you want to throw up, makes you want to slam your head against the desk. the fight or flight hormone you have is making you restless, eyes pinned on the serial killer sitting next to you, scared that if you avert your gaze, he's going to take out that desert eagle and shoot you until your skull caves in and the bullets in his magazine empties.

"but judging by your reaction, i don't think introductions are needed, hm?" his tone is easy, conversational even and it shoots a freezing jolt of fear right up your spine. it makes you sweat profusely because you don't fucking know what to do, your thoughts in complete and utter disarray.

"just press the little button here and we'll be there before you can even finish shouting 'help!' – hey, i was just kidding! what's with the face?" you swallow, sneakily pressing the button without breaking eye contact with the serial killer sitting in front of you.

"look upfront. now." yuta orders and you nearly snap your neck as you turn your head with lightning speed.

"i thought i was above the soulmate rules, but here we are. my soul is either too tainted or too great to be tied to such trivial things, but oh well, we learn to work with what we have. surprisingly, i learned to like dreaming about how your day went."

you feel something sharp poking at your thigh and when you look down, he has a silver butterfly knife pointed against you. the precision of the angle he held it with doesn't slip your notice. one slice of that knife, no matter how small, and he'll be spilling your guts in this classroom.

a fat tear rolls down your face.

"can you imagine how much my heart broke when i learned you were spying on me? leaking information to that snobby detective? to those incompetent cops? bad baby, that was very bad of you."

"yuta—"

"you think the cops can save you from me?"

his other hand comes in contact with the nape of your neck, holding your head in place as he leaned down to invade your space. he scoffs, and you can picture that terrifying cheshire grin you've seen one too many times in your dreams.

the knife digs through your coat, the tip hardly poking your skin only because he doesn't want to drive it into you yet. how did he even manage to get inside the university? not to mention the weapons he possessed? shouldn't anyone be suspicious when they see a man dressed in all black, clad in jeans and a hoodie, into a university—

he even dressed the part. with that hood drawn up and carrying that one notebook, he looked fairly normal. someone who can easily blend in with the crowd.

you eye your professor, willing him to look at you but your soulmate is having none of that. you squirm when he drives the knife further, at the base of your stomach. with his other hand, he twirls a lock of hair around his finger. "now, now, soulmate. you don't want half the people here to get hurt, do you? unless... that can easily be arranged—"

"no!" you whisper, head jerking to the side to look at him humming in satisfaction. damn. out of all the faces he's seen contorted with fear, yours is his absolute favorite. with those pleading, glassy eyes and parted lips, yuta is tenting in his sweats.

"thought so," he chuckles. "let's get up. we're leaving. that old crook doesn't care if students just up and went in the middle of his lecture."

you don't want to think about how he even knew that because it implied attending the lectures a good amount of times. it's with sinking realization that jaehyun was right. if it weren't for him insisting to sit next to you, nakamoto yuta would've long gotten you in his claws.

you tried gathering your things until he purred into your ear.

"ah, ah, ah. you wouldn't be needing those with where we're going."

the hallways were empty, not that you had much time to scream for help when he had a knife pointed up your back, shoving you into the fire escape stairs. within the tranquil confines of the staircases, the sad face slayer couldn't fucking care less for your personal space.

he disgusts you greatly, he needn't do anything but stand there in front of you but you can already smell the long blood trail from his path. it reeks of rotting flesh and that infuriating god complex he had left a sour aftertaste.

"you know, i genuinely wanted to get to know you," yuta pouts, shaking the hoodie off his head. his hair raven, it's ends kissing the nape of his neck. he looked like he came right out of a shounen manga but the bloodlust in his eyes is something that can never be masked. "i detested the soulmate connection at first, i thought i should just kill you off because you could be my loose end."

his humorless smile is enough to give you nightmares.

"but seeing how sweetly normal and untainted you are made me hold back," the butterfly knife appears before your line of sight, yuta teasingly dragging the tip right down your cheek to trace your tears. "so, why did you snitch, baby?"

you shiver when he noses the side of your neck, inhaling your scent as his other hand hooks underneath your top, freezing fingers making you jolt. when you don't reply, his patience starts to dwindle. then again, he was never a patient man.

"answer me, you bitch. why did you rat me out?" gone is the playful lilt in his voice. the vibrations surge through you as his deep, demanding voice scares you shitless.

you feel, hear, and smell him everywhere. this wasn't like any nightmare. this is real, and you won't magically wake up on your bed, sighing in relief, knowing he isn't there, that it was all just in your head. no, this was very much real and there's absolutely no escape.

"i didn't," your voice cracks. "i didn't mean to—"

"bullshit!" he yells. you wail in pain when he slams you against the wall, head aching as it came in contact with concrete. "because of you betraying me, i nearly fucking got caught, and i never get caught!"

you were full out sobbing at this point, noisy and unsightly as the snot mixes with your tears. your only hope now is he gives you a quick, painless death and that he doesn't carve and mutilate your face like what he always does to his other poor victims. "i'm sorry! please... i'm so sorry. i was scared—"

he coos mockingly, tilting his head to the side as he inched his face closer. "aw, scared? my sweet little soulmate was scared?" he places the blade flat against your neck. as humiliating and degrading as it was, you almost peed on your clothes. "how about now? i'm sure as hell that you're fucking terrified for your useless life right now."

you cringe when his hand abandons the expanse of your stomach, no longer inching higher, finding its purchase on the hair sitting at the crown of your head. he holds you in place like that, forcing your head parallel against the wall, with his whole body pressing up to you that it's nearly suffocating.

"just one quick little slice," he taunts. you hiccuped when you feel the feathery light scrape of the blade moving against your skin. "you won't even have time to scream… but i'm sure we don't want that, do we?"

you forgot how to speak. forgot how to breathe. whenever your mind wanders, you've always thought about how you'll give this killer a piece of your mind, with the amount of fear and sorrow he inflicts upon other people. but you guess realities were a lot more different than expectations. the yuta you dreamed of meeting is in handcuffs, but fate is a fickle little thing.

"do we?" he repeats, slicing ever so slightly at your skin. enough to draw blood in droplets, never a waterfall.

"n – no."

he smiles. "you can make it up to me. do you want to make it up to me?"

the butterfly knife digs even further. a warning. and if you value your useless life, you should be smart enough to know what to answer. drawing a shaky breath, you tried forcing the ends of your lips up to a smile. "of course, yuta."

your voice breaks as your sobbing grips your body whole. the fear consuming your entire being like a parasite consuming the host. you would've shut down altogether if it weren't for the calloused hands gently gripping your face. "i know, i know. i see how regretful you are, baby. don't worry, i won't hurt you. you'll make it up to me."

anyone would be fucking stupid if you believe those words coming from a serial killer.

in your wrecked state, you barely register that he's pushing you down to your knees. skin coming in contact with the freezing linoleum floor as you refuse to look at what his hands are doing. yuta has pocketed his knife. the sound of a belt unbuckling in itself added insult to injury.

you stare blankly at his shoes as he shoves his bottoms down enough for his cock to show. if you squint hard enough, you'll see tiny splatters of blood in the shoelaces. whether or not he feels you're unresponsive, he doesn't show. maybe he doesn't care entirely. he takes one of your hands and used it to wrap around himself. he gasps, sharp, followed by a hiss.

you feel it throbbing and it strengthens the disgust you feel. no way you're going to give him the satisfaction of eye contact when you're already forced to blow this psycho.

"eyes up."

you sniffled, vulnerability present in the tone you speak. "i don't want to. please, don't make me."

if words alone aren't enough for you to follow orders, maybe you'll feel more motivated if held at gunpoint. it's unmistakable, the infamous desert eagle you've only seen in your nightmares. the last thing you ever expected is to be on the side where the bullet comes out.

the barrel is freezing as he digs it into the crown of your head. "soulmate or not. i don't shoot blanks."

your eyes looked up then. glaring as the tears rolled down your face. "you're a monster," you mutter under your breath. where you got the confidence to fight back is unknown.

"i've heard that before, be more creative next time," he holds your hair tight in one grip, shoving you forward, eye-level to his throbbing dick. "now… suck, baby."

"freeze!"

you knew that voice, you've been hearing it for the last two weeks. "jaehyun–!"

yuta cuts you off, shoving the gun into your mouth. the safety clicking off resonating in the tranquil room. it's deafening, and it makes you immobile.

"hands up. step away from the civilian." whether or not mark is nervous as he points the gun at the serial killer, he's doing a damn good job of hiding it.

yuta sighs, exasperated as he throws his head back. his raised arms came down to tuck himself back in his jeans, and the action made jaehyun's calm exterior crack. "i said, hands up, asshole!"

"chill out, motherfucker. i'm just trying to wear my pants." the serial killer hisses, glaring at jaehyun over his shoulder.

"mark, call back up already. what are you doing?" jaehyun mutters, side-eyeing the young detective whose gun shakes as he holds it up. the taller cop takes a step forward, eyes never leaving the notorious killer as he addresses you curtly. "(name), come here."

just as you plant your palms to the ground to push yourself up, one of yuta's hands shoves you down quick as lightning. "no. she stays here, with me."

jaehyun scowls, takes another step forward. "and what makes you think i'm going to let that happen?"

"i don't think. i know."

there's a constant ring in your ear as the gunshot temporarily renders you deaf. you've shut your eyes in utter fright, hands shooting up to cover your ears but it was too late. you refuse to open your eyes, you didn't want to see a dead body lying before you, even if it belonged to a heartless serial killer.

but when your eyes fluttered open, it's not yuta bleeding out on the ground.

"no, this can't be – jaehyun!"

it was a bullet straight to the head, no one could've survived a shot like that. his eyes are empty as he stares at you, unblinking, stoic. the color is yet to drown away from his milky complexion. but you can't even manipulate yourself into thinking that jaehyun's still alive. not when his eyes are empty, not when he just looks so lifeless.

it couldn't have been yuta who pulled the trigger.

his weapons were on the ground and the shot rang too fast. the sad face slayer couldn't have crouched down for his gun to shoot the cop, it would've taken too much time. and among the three men, there's only another person holding a weapon, and that was –

"great shot, mark."

the detective smiles, but with the blood splattered on his face, it looked cold. "told ya i've been practicing."

yuta hauls you up by the arms, addicted to how frail your body feels as it collapses against him. he's finally got his little soulmate in his arms. and he will never, ever let you go.

the cops lost – you've lost.

yuta, with a sense of victory coursing through his veins, took the liberty of trailing little pecks down your neck as he mutters, "mine, mine, mine!" but you couldn't care less about his display of mocked affection. not when the other person meant to protect you, turned out to be everything you think he wasn't.

mark must've felt the gravity of your stare as he crouches before jaehyun's bleeding body. grabbing the fallen cop's gun, he took it upon himself to empty the magazine. the lopsided grin he sends you broke your resolve more than yuta ever could.

"i'm sorry. it's nothing personal."

jenoluck (c) all rights reserved

[bunnyywritings]

a shy, goth s/o who goes by they/them pronouns

requested by anon; HIII!! I recently started watching soul eater and i finallyyy found someone who writes for them so im reallllly exited!! So i wanted to request something!! Can you do like how Crona, Kid, Soul and Stein would be like in a relationship with a shy goth s/o who uses they/tem prounons (sometimes she). Also when they talk about the things they like they get superrr extroverted and could talk for hourss about it! Also would it heart to ask if you could make cronas a lil longer, they are my comfort character🤧Also wanted to ask if you did emergency requests! If you dont that’s totally fine!!

[a/n: thank you for this request, my lovely anon! It gave me the way to get back into a writing flow again. I quite enjoyed writing for these characters since I don’t get very many Soul Eater requests, as for emergency requests...go ahead and send them in but I apologize if I don’t get it done quickly, seeing as I’m not quite that active on here like I was before. for now, enjoy! - yours truly, bunnyy -`ღ´-] 

- truthfully, i think he'd be a little confused at first

- about the whole pronouns thing

- despite being friends with Crona

- so, he'd approach Maka, Crona, and Subaki about it

- he'd be a little embarrassed because he mistakenly exposed his HUGE crush on you

- Subaki coos at him and thinks it's sweet

- Crona is glad to help, knowing that using they/them pronouns is still a foreign concept for some people

- Maka would definitely tease him but ultimately, she's glad he had asked for help

- after realizing that it was a rather simple concept to understand

- he'd get SOOO cocky

- he absolutely loves your style

- obviously thinks you're the coolest person to ever exist

- now the only thing in his way??

- your shyness

- he's only interacted with you a few times but because he tends to be a bit abrasive, you usually keep your distance

- the few times that Stein had called on you in class to answer a question was the most he's really heard you talk

- you were good friends with Kid though

- so you ended up hanging out with the group a lot

- he's seen how passionate you could get whilst talking about your hobbies or about things you liked to Kid or Liz

and Patty

- it made him a gajillion times more attracted to you

- after FINALLY gaining the courage to ask you out (you can thank Black Star for telling him that it wasn't cool to be such

a wimp)

- he'd be on cloud nine

- being in a relationship with Soul would be fun

- he'd be a little awkward at first but he'd soon ease into it

- he's really good at respecting your pronouns

- in the case that he slips up, which i don't really think he would, but if he does he'd feel absolutely terrible

- like he'd beat himself up so hard

- he would do anything to make it up to you

- 100% would cook you a super nice dinner as an apology

- if anybody ever made fun of your style or your pronouns, it's over for that person

- they'd have, not only Soul and Maka on their ass, but they'd have Black Star and Tsubaki, AND the literal son of the grim

reaper and his twin pistols

- overall, Soul would be such a sweetheart

- you make him so, so soft

- gosh i love him so much

- okay

- Kid is definitely somebody who would be up front with his feelings

- he knows about your use of different pronouns and he really admires your bravery to be so open about it

- i feel like he's definitely thought about going by he/they pronouns

- thinks it's absolutely adorable how shy you are

- despite being shy and closed off, he never overlooked you like some students or other staff

- he knows how clever you are

- don't even get me started on your style

- he love love loves your goth style

- especially when you wear anything with skulls on it

- when it comes to his feelings, Liz gets fed up with how ridiculous he's being

- she's watched him break down crying because the stripes on his head aren't symmetrical and someone as precious as you

would think he's trash

- which obviously isn't true

- he sees you out on the balcony, sat on the ledge and book in hand

- he's noticed you with it a lot but it's only the 1st book of a series

- he figures that maybe you just haven't had the chance to find the rest of them

- after some research, he finds that the series had been completed but because of the lack of readers, it was put out of

production and copies were pulled out of libraries and bookstores

- but alas, he had found one of the only complete series in existence in somewhat excellent condition

- it was quite expensive but that was really no problem

- he had wrapped up the set and had gifted them to you with a note and as you read the note, your cheeks burned

- he confessed his feelings

- the next day, you had approached him and thanked him for the gift as well as confessing your own feelings for him

- he thought the stuttering and flushed cheeks was adorable

- 100% the power couple at the DWMA

- sorry i don't make the rules

- Liz and Patty are definitely in love with you, especially with how versatile your fashion is

- Patty has definitely volunteered to paint your nails before

- MATCHING RINGS

- Kid definitely gets you a et of skull rings, just like his

- will go beast mode on anyone who makes fun of your style and/or use of pronouns

he's be such a gentleman and he practically worships the ground you walk on

- as he should  

- Stein would be quite used to the use of they/them pronouns since he has students who go by them

- when there's word of a new teacher at DWMA who goes by they/them, he's quite intrigued

- so much so that he would volunteer to show you around the enormous school

- 10/10 falls in love with you instantly

- your shy demeanor is such a contrast to your style

- definitely lives for teasing you

- anything to make you stutter

- but he'd be very blunt about his feelings

- he makes sure that you're being respected by students and staff alike

- threatens anybody who doesn't

- he gets you some screw earrings or a necklace (if you don't have piercings)

- it's his way of making sure people know that you're his

- Stein would be an excellent significant other

- he's a bit more on the playful side so just always be prepared for cheeky remarks

- he doesn't mind your shyness at all

- since he doesn't really favor going out too much so most of your dates are in doors, his place or yours

- probably with a cup of coffee and a book

- he can be sweet when he wants to

- isn't really into pda but i wouldn't be too surprised if he had a moment of spontaneity and pull you into his arms and

kiss you passionately  

- some students think it's romantic and others definitely tease the both of you

- since your social battery probably runs out pretty quick, he loves that it gives him an out from tiring staff get

togethers

- Death Scythe thinks it's absolutely HYSTERICAL to make fun of Stein's moments of softness

- but ultimately, he thinks the way Stein looks at you is sweet and makes him happy that his friend has found someone like

you

- cause you're the best

- duh

- his wardrobe has infinitely improved since the both of you got together

- all thanks to you

- overall 15/10 a good significant other

- ahh Crona, sweet sweet Crona

- they're the freaking cutest

- now i know that in the anime and manga, it's written that he uses he/him pronouns but it seem like on tumblr everyone has

just settled on using they/them instead because of Crona's androgynous style and frankly it's a bit of an unclear area

- so uhhh yeah, let's get started

- Crona would have trouble admitting that they had feelings for you, so they tries to hide it but alas, Maka had caught on

- it took Soul a bit longer to realize but he eventually did

- the group had caught on and thought it was adorable

- all of them had tried to help in any way they could

- but Crona just couldn't muster up the courage to tell you

- the both of you were quite shy so it was nearly impossible to get some type of interaction between the two of you

- Crona also really loved your style

- the both of you were similar in so many ways

- Black Star had actually been the one to let it slip that Crona had harbored some kind of affection for you

- Tsubaki had smacked him upside the head and chastised him since it wasn't his place to say anything

- but now that it was out in the open, it had given you the slight confidence boost you needed to confess

- but when you did, Crona just stood frozen, almost mortified by your words

- you took it as rejection and ran off into the woods surrounding the school campus

- Ragnarok had then made an appearance and started tugging at Crona's cheeks and telling them that they should go after you

- but of course, they hadn't

- instead, turning to Maka and Tsubaki for help

- the two had taken it upon themselves to look for you and clear up any misunderstandings

- the next day, Crona had approached you and apologized

- even though they're words were stuttered, you appreciated the gesture and asked Crona on a proper date

- they accepted before panicking because it had dawned on them that they had never been on a date before

- overall, Crona is such a sweet partner

- sure, a bit unexperienced but sweet nonetheless

- they try their best

- both of you have similar styles and everyone thinks the both of you are just the most adorable couple on campus

- Crona loved hearing you talk about the things you loved

- your eyes would sparkle and you'd move your hands so animatedly

- it's almost like you're a different person in that moment

- they just adored you

- they'd get upset if someone had disrespected your pronouns

- Ragnorak would definitely rage if someone disrespected you

- as much as he hated to admit it, he really really liked you

- mainly because you always carried sweets around for him

- ugh I just love Crona

[racingliners]

Like what I did last year, I'll be updating this reblog as we get each car launch (though as I'm typing this in January it'll be a good few weeks before we get the remaining 2024 cars). First up:

McLaren

What I would have written for my livery prediction is that given how popular their stealth livery was last year, I wasn't going to be surprised if their 2024 livery was very similar to that.

And lo and behold, so it is!

While I still take issue with the weight saving exposed carbon trend, the stealth livery and the 2024 McLaren livery are at least more thought out in where the exposed carbon is so it isn't the first thing you notice (unlike their 2023 livery which really bugged me).

I also absolutely love that the driver numbers are in silver chrome (done intentionally as a nod to the famous Vodafone chrome livery of the mid 00s and early 2010s), it's just a really nice touch that stands out against the orange and black really well.

I do miss the sky blue accents though :( I don't think it would have been remis to have thin lines where the orange and black parts meet, especially since they're still present on the 2024 McLaren teamwear.

7.5/10

Haas

Oh look, it's (almost) the same livery. Consider me blessed with Apollo's dodgeball to the face of prophecy.

Honestly though, I preferred last year's car. I liked the glossy white being the predominant colour whereas the all exposed carbon is quite plain. Don't get me wrong I do still enjoy the colour scheme, it just... idk looks very corporate. I also wish there was a tad more red to make it look a bit brighter.

6/10

Williams

So this is definitely an evolution of the 22 and 23 livery, however I do miss the geometric pattern since it was something that made the Williams cars stand out compared to the rest of the gird. That being said I love the choice of combining the heritage navy blue and the brighter more cobalt blue, showcasing Williams' past and future in F1. And while this picture doesn't show it there's also a nod to the first Frank Williams racing logo on the back of the engine cover which is a very beautiful touch.

7.5/10 (I miss the arrowheads on the wheel caps 😔)

Sauber

Honestly? I really don't mind it that much. I really like the neon green, the grid desperately needs some drastic injection of colour with the ongoing exposed carbon trend and I especially love that it's a glossy neon green. (But just picture this with a glossy black paint, it would look sooooo good!)

Though I do wonder how they got this livery so right, and their overalls so wrong (if I rated overalls as well they would not be favoured well)

a very solid 6.5/10

Alpine

...

idk if I'm just extra crabby because I've caught another cold but WHAT HAVE THEY DONE???????

Mes amis, this is not a livery this is stickers on exposed carbon. And what bothers me even more if that the gradient tile concept would look STUNNING if it was all over the car (like their team wear for 2023 for example).

And don't get me started on the whole pink camo teases they put out on their social media only for the pink "livery" (which we will be seeing at 8 races this year) also has just as much exposed carbon on it.

3/10 and that honestly feels generous.

Racing Bulls (I flat out refuse to call them VCARB)

Okay I will let them have their silly name since they actually painted the car, and I have once again been gifted Apollo's prophetic powers because hello Toro Rosso drinks can livery 2.0

While this is not as good as the original I do absolutely adore the return to the all over metallic blue with silver and red accents. It just works. Though the massive white stripe containing the Hugo Boss logo on the front is quite jarring. I don't understand why it would have just been in red (by contrast the one on the engine cover is fine since it's smaller).

But honestly? I do like it. 7/10

Aston Martin

Alas there is more carbon fibre on the car than last year BUT thankfully it's not immediately obvious and the car continues to be my most beloved glossy semi-metallic green 💚

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. 9/10

Ferrari

Alas I am still awaiting the return of the burgundy Ferrari but ciao bella 😍

I love that they've kept the Ferrari logo on the rear wing, and I also like the red wheel caps and I think the white and yellow stripes are both gorgeous and what I'm assuming is an ode to Ferrari's Le Mans winning hypercar from last year. I will say that the shade of red does not look good in the rendering lighting, having seen pictures from the shakedown at Fiorano it looks much better in daylight.

My only gripe is that it's matte, and the yellow outline on the driver numbers, keeping them just white would have been absolutely fine.

8/10

Mercedes

I have never been happier for my prediction to be wrong, my jaw genuinely dropped upon opening instagram and seeing the W15 this morning.

I LOVE the return to a half-silver-half-black livery, especially with the thicker Petronas teal stripes and silver stars on the engine cover. It is just absolutely stunning.

No notes. 10/10.

Red Bull

And we end livery watch on a very meh note. I still hate the matte navy, it's too dark and there's even less neon red than last year. I'm especially disappointed that the newer style Red Bull logo is on the cars, with the fact that the older logo with the white outline is on most of the RBR associated drivers helmets this year made me hope they were going back to it. Alas, it's just the same livery we've had since 2016.

2/10

Livery Watch 2024

Well I am typing this out way earlier than I expected (thanks McLaren), but I legit had so much fun rating and yelling about all the different team liveries last year that I'm going to do it again this year.

This was going to be my wishlist/prediction post for each team but lo and behold McLaren revealed their 2024 livery today, so I'll be talking about the remaining 9 teams instead, and I'll go a little bit more in-depth in the reblog below about McLaren's 2024 livery.

Red Bull: As much as I desperately yearn for a return to the glossy dark metallic blue livery of the early-mid 2010s, I am 90% sure we're going to see the same livery on their car they've used since 2016, but with the usual annual sponsor logo adjustments

Mercedes: Given how positively their return to an all black livery was perceived, I think we'll see the same thing on the car this year with very subtle silver and Petronas teal accents. (However a piece of my heart would certainly be very happy with chrome silver as an alternative!)

Ferrari: Also asking Ferrari to ditch the matte paint but I know it won't happen. I honestly loved last year's livery, especially with the text logo on the rear wing, but if they go for a more burgundy leaning red like their 1000th race livery then I will have never said anything bad about Ferrari ever actually.

Aston Martin: Zero notes. Though if I see any exposed carbon I will be suing Lawrence Stroll for emotional damages.

Alpine: I am actually a blue and pink livery apologist (the all over pink is still extremely beloved though!!) so hopefully we'll have more of the same this year.

Williams: I've really loved the geometric blue tile livery they're ran for the past couple of years, my only tweak would be to use slightly lighter shades of blue since overall last year's grid did look quite dark last year with all the exposed carbon. I'm also echoing what I said last year in that a total switch up to the white to blue ombre livery the team ran during their RoKit sponsorship years would be really nice to see.

Sauber: No I'm not calling them Stake F1 Team Sauber, I have better things to do with my time. It's just Sauber. Anyway, I'm expecting the livery to be quite a drastic change as part of the rebrand from Alfa Romeo to Stake, and if we're taking hints from their big social media overhaul I think there's going to be a lot of black and neon green (I do think that they're going to be treading a fine line between looking really nice or the W15 ordered off Wish)

Alpha Tauri/Racing Bulls: I honestly loved the navy and white Alpha Tauri liveries, imho they were really stylish and made them look like less of a Red Bull junior team. I don't really know what their rebrand is going to look like, so in the mean time I am going to yearn for a return to the iconic Toro Rosso drinks can livery from 2017 and 2018.

Haas: Unless Moneygram join the exodus of departures from Haas, I think we're going to see some kind of black and white livery with red accents. Personally I'd like there to be more red and a glossy black (matte pain continues to be my behated) but like with Red Bull if it ends up being a nearly identical livery to last year then I won't be surprised.