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ahhhsami · 10 months ago

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AO3 Writer 20 Questions

Saw @thatonebirdwrites answer these questions focused on AO3 writers and thought it'd be fun to answer them too!

1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship/fandom?

Day dreaming, music, and other media (books, movies, TV series).

2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?

This is the main question I wanted to answer because I wanted to just praise people and share their works!

A_M_Nicholson since I really adore their AUs and amazing vibes you get from their settings. The characters are always so interesting and they're able to maintain the characters' personalities and traits even though they are in an AU.

RaeDMagdon since her stories introduced me to omegaverse. She also cranks out solid works consistently and it's extremely impressive and admirable.

Xaibaugrove's writing makes you feel things through her words. Each chapter, paragraph, and even sentence is so well thought out and her story telling is to die for. Plus the depth and details she goes into for the surroundings is beautiful and immersive.

Tabsbee writes for Genshin Impact and I adore her style of writing and the modern AU settings she uses. Everything she posts is a banger. Plus they feed my need for more JeanLisa stories!

AnotherShotofBourbon was one of the first fic writers I ever read in the korrasami fandom. They started a series of soulmate AUs and I adore them so much! Their new works are also just as exciting!

Velvet95 has super unique and fun AUs. They're working on their sequel to a galactic sci-fi story that they had created a while ago and just as the first part, it's super enjoyable and creative!

AsamiOnTop has a behemoth of a fic (I think almost 300k words) and it's such a fun read. I loved seeing her growth from chapter 1 to the ending and it's always so admirable seeing people wrap up long fics like hers!

kittymannequin is another OG korrasami writer that inspired me to write fics myself. Whether her stories are for TLOK or Arcane or another fandom, it's always a delight to read.

tumblr blogs: @raedmagdon @xaibaugrove @tabsbee @abronzeagegod @kittymannequin @asamiontop

3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?

There's a handful but here are the ones that come to mind; Vi & Caitlyn from Arcane, Jean & Lisa & Beidou & Clorinde from Genshin Impact.

4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?

I lean away from tropes that delve into Family dynamics. Mainly pregnancy since I actually don't like babies...

5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?

Get an idea

Jot down a rough plan

Start writing and stray instantly from the plan

Get a new plot bunny and fight with myself whether to continue what I've written or scrap it for a new shiny story

Obviously the 4th step is where things become truly cursed.

6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?

Since I write so many AUs, the world building aspects are my favorite.

7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?

I've had to research a lot of things... but the weirdest usually revolve around bodily injuries or time period research to keep things as accurate as possible when needed. If you need to know how to prepare opium like they did in the 1800s... I got you.

8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?

Grammar 100%. But I also think breaking grammar rules are okay for vibes, bruh.

9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?

It's one I'm currently working on and have been for years. It's the next chapter of Start Again and I'm struggling to progress the story in a way that I like. I've written and scrapped it so many times that I've lost count at this point.

10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?

All the time...

11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?

It'd have to be Korra. She's got such a special spot in my heart that I don't think I could choose anyone else.

12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?

College AUs just keep coming back even when I think I've had enough of them.

13) What's your most important resource as a writer?

Other books. I don't have a book in particular, but just reading other books and fics is helpful. I've also joined a local writer's guild that has been helpful too!

14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?

I read/mumble my stories aloud to myself to see if things come out clunky. I also have a wonderful partner that betas the majority of my stories and I couldn't be more grateful for her.

15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?

SUMMARY. God damn, I will spend more time on a fucking summary than the story. I will also be lazy at times and just copy and paste an excerpt if I'm at a real loss.

16) How do you define success for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?

A huge factor for me is if I personally like it, BUT hits/kudos/comments are always appreciated. The goal is to share my stories with people and for them to enjoy their time reading, so it's always nice to receive all of those. I don't gauge much off of bookmarks since I often write explicit fics, which tend to be privately bookmarked or not bookmarked at all.

17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character/ship?

I make playlists for stories/chapters. I don't do them individually for characters. I wouldn't be surprised if I have 50 or so playlists for my writing though.

18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?

When it comes to the story, I'd want the artist to do art for one that resonates with them. One that somehow inspires them. And oh man, when it comes to specific artists, I'm not sure since there are so many amazing ones. I've recently been inspired by @seijousai and am writing a story inspired by their Clorivia art. @ppyuuingles art is super wholesome and adorable. I love their JeanLisa stuff. I also have always adored @persnickety-doodles style of drawing when it comes to Korrasami. In the past I had the pleasure to collaborate with @unii-outlawed and later commissioned her. If you don't know her, then definitely check out her stunning artwork! Other amazing artists that deserve a follow are @ttanaart, @kf1n3, and @mimiendos (follow their twitter).

19) How many WIPs do you currently have?

Erm... posted on AO3 there's 20 unfinished stories BUT I also have over 100 completed ones. As for the WIPs that are written and not posted... that's also probably in the 20s. It goes back to all of the plot bunnies that I get and the battles I lose which results in partially written stories.

20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?

Write what you want. Even if you feel that it may be niche there'll definitely be people out there that will read and enjoy it!

#long post #ao3 #writer #writers #fanfiction #writing #archive of our own #korrasami #tlok #arcane #caitvi #genshin impact

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cryptidkoretmblr · 2 years ago

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Wednesday Addams

Anyways here’s my takes and opinions about some of the most talked about aspects of the show that no one asked for!

1) Wednesday vs love interests, let’s break it down!

Tyler: I think I’m in a minority when I say I was rooting for them and still are? It is the most ADDAMS family thing ever to be dating a Hyde. Like you’re telling me they wouldn’t revel in that? I’m also a big enemies to lovers or lovers to enemies to lovers again fan so that explains it. I know his friendzone comments were out of left field, like many have pointed out as feeling odd to them, but Hunter Doohan said in an interview (https://collider.com/wednesday-tyler-relationship-hunter-doohan-comments/) that Tyler was always manipulating her. So if he NEEDED to be close for his and Laurel’s plan, then it just makes sense. On the topic, Hunter’s acting in the station when he drops the facade sent chills down my spine. Their relationship just tickles so many of my favorite tropes.

Enid: I also was rooting so hard for Enid!!! Also the show writers literally had to be coding her. Like I actually don’t know how the topic of wolfing out and c0nversion therapy came up and was greenlit otherwise like ,,,,, but yes, Enid transforming to save Wednesday, to hugging her, to actually being the one to crack her walls... *chefs kiss* I ALSO love the golden retriever and black cat vibe (I am in fact the black cat to my partners golden retriever). But yes, of course friendships can be just as rewarding and meaningful as romantic relationships which takes us to

No one (Aro/Ace): I also would be so happy if she is Aro/Ace, or anywhere on the spectrum. I have some friends who are, and romantic relationships aren’t everything!!! And the aro/ace community is long due for mainstream media representation.

Xavier: Look. I wanted to like him so bad. He had so much potential. I hope they up his character development because I was so lost by the time the Rave’N came around like what even was that with Bianca. Also why did he think she was using her siren song on her?

3) Gomez. Luis Guzman is literally the best casting of the comics you could have asked for. The younger version of him was phenomenal. I do wish he had some more energy, I really liked how eccentric and outgoing Raul Julia’s Gomez had been.

4) The biggest plot point that made exactly zero sense to me was the murders. In what world would either Addams be ashamed or try to hide it? It just seemed so out of place and is the biggest characterization flaw in the entire show tbh.

5) Arnisen as Fester. That’s it. That’s my take. Literally I could watch him all day.

Anyways that’s all I have for now. I’m obsessing over this show and need to scream into the void about my special interests :)

#wednesday #wednesday addams #addams family #tyler galpin #wednesday x xavier #wednesday x tyler #wednesday x enid #lgbtq #aro positivity #ace #ace positivity #enid sinclair #xavier thorpe #uncle fester #netflix #wednesday netflix #morticia addams #gomez addams #analysis

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mermaidsirennikita · 6 months ago

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ARC REVIEW: The Mistress Experience by Scarlett Peckham

4.5/5. Releases 6/25/2024.

vibes: courtesan-ing, sexually inexperienced hero, TRUE opposites attract, people with secret hearts that they don't want to unveil but oh no now they're in love

Heat Index: 7.5/10.

Thais Magdalene is a famous, coveted courtesan, known for spending no more than one night with each client. She enjoys her job, and she's great at it, yet she holds a secret desire to settle down with a man who loves her and have a family. To support a charity for women's rights, she auctions off 30 days in her bed. Shockingly, the buyer is Alistair Eden, a polite lord known for following all the rules. But Alistair has a secret: he's inexperienced in bed, and doesn't know how to please a woman--an issue he wants to correct before he marries to have an heir. As Thais and Alistair spend their month together, they both know it's meant to end forever as soon as time is up. Yet in one another, they find their true selves...

uGH I LOVED THIS. It's so good. So emotional, so funny, so hot, so different from your average historical romance. One thing I love about Scarlett Peckham is that she clearly loves and fully embraces historicals and their tropes, while also seeking to explore them in fun, original ways.

Here, she hits on several things you don't often see in the genre: a sex worker who really isn't traumatized by her profession; a hero who isn't a virgin but also really... doesn't know what to do in bed; and feminism that feels quite honest, and doesn't preclude the heroine longing for a somewhat traditional family life. There's a lot of hugging in this one, and I felt hugged by the book.

Also like. Hot.

Quick Takes:

--I knew I'd love Thais--I so enjoy a bawdy, sex-positive heroine who's secretly hiding a wounded heart--but Alistair was more of a question mark for me. I think I very much expected a Soft Boi uwu type hero, and while those can be done well... They often aren't.

To me, Scarlett did a great job of making Alistair vulnerable, caring, and sweet... while keeping his backbone and his flaws. Alistair is stuffy! He is a snob! He needs to get that stick out of his ass! And yes, he does make a grovel-worthy misstep at one point (and I did love the outcome).

The story would've been a lot less interesting if Scarlett had used "sexually inexperienced and genteel" to equal "has no flaws and is a little baby man". Because also? Alistair is pushing forty. This is a grown man, and I appreciated that the story treated him like a grown (hot) man.

--Another thing I appreciated was how the book handled sex positivity. It's extremely sex positive. However, there is never a sense that Alistair should fuck more people to make up for lost time (he's not a virgin, but he hasn't slept with many people and it's been a long time for him). As clear as it is that there's nothing wrong with Thais having a high body count, there's also nothing wrong with Alistair being the type of guy for whom intimacy is important during sex, and who really doesn't need to have sex with a lot of people, so much as he needs to have sex with the right person.

Going back to his age, I also liked the sense that it's like... never too late to learn how to be good in bed. And he does have to learn. But more on that later.

--I've found that a lot of feminist historical romances really focus on like... the heroine wanting "more" than a family. And I get that. There's a lot of books that have a more traditional route, you need to buck the system, you have to follow your heroine's path. I'm childfree. I don't think it's necessary for heroines to want a more conventional life. In both of the other books in this series, the heroines didn't really settle down into conventional family lives, and I enjoyed them.

However, I so liked that for Thais, both things could be true. She could have a life as a sex worker that, while certainly not without its bad points, wasn't really like... her primary issue, exactly? Like, it was and it wasn't, but you don't see these grand depictions of violence and trauma I think you often see in historicals centering sex worker heroines. Anyway, she does ENJOY her job.

At the same time, she could want to marry and have three or four kids. She's allowed to love babies and want, most of all, to be loved by her husband and raise her children. She can be a feminist and want those things. It made her feminism much more real to me, to be honest. Thais never felt like a heroine who was written to be Strong for the sake of being Strong. Her warm, gooey center is very clear to the reader from the front, and when Alistair begins to see through her front and recognize the real her... OH DUDE. READER. I COULD NOT.

--Because the book does have a lot of those moments, right? Moments where Alistair is falling in love with this woman, so hard, and sees what she's really scared of. Moments too, when Thais sees into Alistair's true vulnerabilities, his need to be perfect at all things holding him back from happiness (which... oof, real).

I'm not always down for super cuddly books, but these two are literally so cuddly. A through-line is them just like. Luxuriating in hugging one another. It's so lovely and intimate without sex.

That said, there is a lot of sex, and dude. It is GOOD.

The Sex:

So, the thing with Alistair is a thing I hardly ever see in romances AS AN EXPLICITLY CALLED OUT CONTINUOUS ISSUE. However, it's a thing that absolutely works for me as a reader. He just gets too excited, guys! And then went it Happens too soon, he's so bummed and angry with himself! It's a vicious cycle!

I actually really loved how this book dealt with the pressure some men (in fact, some of the legitimately decent men who care about their partners' pleasure, too) feel to be these amazing lovers. Especially in a romance hero, who is inherently supposed to be this amazing lover. Like, Alistair just wants to impress people and be good at everything, and he is naturally good at everything except for this one thing.

However, being kinda shitty in bed doesn't mean you have to STAY that way, and yay for a novel that shows that sex is something you learn! Listen, I'm down for the well-done virgin hero books wherein the guy is immediately amazing at it. Some of my favorite books feature that. But this is a refreshing change of pace.

The novel also gets into like... How sex is sometimes enjoyable without an orgasm, and how much orgasms can be connected to your mental presence? There's just some really interesting stuff done here regarding how Thais in particular experiences pleasure, and the difference between a Thais that lets go and a Thais that doesn't.

Getting into the brass tax: you get a good amount of p in v, handies, oral on both sides, different positions, the works. I kinda wish there had been some butt stuff, as I feel Alistair could've used a bit of that.... but Scarlett makes up for that by including One Thing You Don't Usually See in Romance. I think I've read one other book that DEFINITELY featured it, and it was a dark romance.

Anyway, I really loved this book and totally recommend it. A very sweet, very sexy, very romantic story about lovers coming to truly know each other, with a great "BABY I MISS YOU" moment on top of it.

Thanks to NetGalley and Avon for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

#romance novel blogging #arc reviews #netgalley #book reviews #book recs #romance novels #books #so excited for everyone to read this!#it's THAT good

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the-haunted-office · 4 months ago

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7 and 18!

TRUTHFUL TUESDAY

7. what’s one thing you could improve on?

Well, thanks to you and one other person for speaking up, I am working on improving the flow of my replies better, so they aren't as disjointed between the dialogue and actions of my muses. (/pos I just realized this might have come across sarcastic and it's not meant to be that way! x_x). I am hoping to improve on that, anyway, I'm really trying!

One other area I could improve outside of that is - I think I need to work on focusing more on creating bonds between muses and less on like, storybuilding, at least initially, if that makes sense. Being completely candid, I got used to having to build all the storylines and plots and everything myself over time because it has been a real struggle for me finding people to rp with, and I feel like... in many cases in threads, I've been the one who has to lead the thread. I'm trying to word that as carefully as possible because I don't want to feel like I'm putting anyone down or anything.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, because I feel like I'm having to lead threads and create storylines all the time, focusing on the bonds between muses kind of took a backseat over time when I really didn't mean for that to happen, and I feel like that might have been... offputting to people, I guess? I don't have proof of that, I don't know, all I know is that I have had a tremendously difficult time getting rp partners and holding onto them and gaining and maintaining traction on my blog, and even trying to get any sort of feedback from people as to what I've done wrong or ways I can improve has been a struggle, so I've been left trying to self diagnose and this is part of what I could come up. I don't know if it's even close to the mark, but it's what I've got. I want to try to focus more on building relationships between my muses and other people's muses.

Sorry that was long-winded, but there it is!

18. what’s your favorite trope?

I think found family has to be my favorite trope, at least that I can think of off the top of my head! I just love the idea of a group of misfitted individuals coming together and seeing the light in each other, and caring for one another and just choosing each other where they were rejected everywhere else. I feel that way so much about myself in my life so the trope feels really personal and warm to me. It's been something I've treasured as far back as I can remember, beginning with The Land Before Time. And actually, that movie is a huge part of this blog too, in the background. Littlefoot and his friends' journey to the Great Valley, how he lost his mother and how she guided him to the Great Valley, all the danger, how the world around them changed, the found family trope, just all of it. It's a beautiful movie and means so much to me, I'll treasure it forever.

#townofcadence #thank you for the asks!

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dimdiamond · 1 year ago

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I just noticed that probably the tintin family intended the found family trop,because just look at tintin being all alone at first and not even caring about his own life to where he had a family and a warm home to go🥲really melts my heart, also I would've loved to see how tintin was moved to marlinspike it was a crime they didn't show us,or maybe they did it because of the plot so tintin would've had a bigger place to do his job rather than a small flat?idk but I kinda wanted to see if the captain told him to move or not

NONNIE YOU JUST TOUCHED MY WEAKNESS AND THE ONE THING I DESPERATELY WANTED TO BE FEATURED!

The Adventures Of Tintin DEFINITELY brought the found family trope to another level! Not only characters that had no one were brought together by their own choice but they stayed together and did NOT separate (as many times happens in stories with strong friend groups because I dunno, we can't have our characters keep being together or close to each other for reasons like heteronormativity and maybe I'm going too deep but I feel this phenomenon could be because of it too and anyway I won't elaborate more because it will take too much).

Found family is one of my favourite tropes but also the one it's hardly likely to agree on how is executed, especially in fandom spaces. Found family is about people choosing to stick together for one reason or another and (usually) no blood to connect them. The choice is the important thing here and the one that makes it different from the traditional family. There are no defining roles and every member has their own needs and can adapt to them and the others'needs with a more traditional role or a mix of roles or none of them. Yet people tend to make the found family just another form of the traditional patriarchal family with the same values and ethics and in general this is where the whole point of the trope is lost. (Sorry for ranting I just wanted to express that and show how Tintin does the trope justice).

I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HOW TINTIN CAME TO LIVE IN THE MARLINESPIKE MANSION!!! IT DRIVES ME CRAZY JUST IMAGINING IT!

Probably Herge did it for convenience, he had Tintin visiting the mansion already and he hadn't shown his flat for a long time and it would be easier to have all the main characters together, plus a mansion is a much more interesting setting than a small flat. BUT we can't ignore the significance of this for the series and the characters and it can't be a coincidence it happened right after the moon case. It makes sense after that stressful adventure and almost losing their lives, they felt the need to stay close and not lose each other. Tintin had been frequent of the mansion already and, before going to Syldavia, we had seen Tintin and Haddock returning together from Emir's palace to Marlinespike Mansion and receiving Calculus' message for both of them.

I can easily imagine Haddock asking from Tintin to come live with them because "trains are inconvenient" and "you already spend more time there than in the city" etc but the main reason being exactly because he doesn't see any reason to be apart at this point. Tintin must have been thinking the same and agreed to that and later he seems content in the mansion and soon an irreplaceable member of the house (petting the cat in Picaros is like he is comfortable with the most stable member of the house, the absolute domesticity). I can't imagine Tintin himself asking to live with them (I'm sure if he did no one would object) but if Haddock didn't ask him, the moving in must have come gradually, bringing more and more stuff and staying more and more, and the renting contract ended and the choice came without much thought. Of course any other scenario is possible and I would love to hear it!

I want to add that the previous events verify that this was the right time. In The Land Of Black Gold, Haddock came to find Tintin and help him and Tintin was shown truly happy with that, like he was convinced that no matter what Haddock will always come to his side in any danger. In the next album, in the rocket station, after Tintin was shot and Haddock took care of him, they seem much closer than before. It's subtle but Tintin notices first when Haddock is in danger or Haddock not leaving him alone. And of course in the rocket and on the moon the rest events happen and this must have been the point of all of them realising how much they mean to each other and that they do have each other and they're not alone and they don't want to be alone again without each other. Honestly it would feel so weird if the relationship between the gang was exactly the same. The development of all of them living together is read naturally because we have been leading towards this since the start of their friendship.

If you read the series as a whole with your focus on Tintin's character you can see how he was gradually becoming quieter and quieter, less and less impulsive and chaotic because he did find the stability he needed in this unique family they all created together and he does everything to keep this family and this lifestyle. Of course the reasons can be because Herge put the focus on other things, he couldn't and didn't want to tell the same stories etc but if you read the work itself you can notice how the found family was the whole point of every character's arc.

#another long answer lol #sorry nonnie but you fell right into my weak point so THANK YOU for asking me this #they are the blueprint of found family please #i so want to see how the moving in happened and i love to read about it in fics #tintin #captain haddock #archibald haddock #professor calculus #the adventures of tintin

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the-blind-geisha · 1 year ago

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Questions about OCs and stuff

You can find the original file here! I reblogged it super late at night.

Gonna fill this one out myself, because it looked fun!

OC questions:

* Who was your first ever OC? Do you still “use” them? How have they evolved over time?

Oreana was my first ever OC, and yes I do! She evolved from me wanting to write myself in with my favorite fixations to becoming her own actual character.

I could tell as a character she wanted to have the princess title removed, but I refused since I wanted that to be another obstacle for her. XD

2. Who is your newest OC? Why did you make them?

Asther Thyme, my goat OC was one I bought on toyhouse, but newest one made by me is Demiurge turned into a jackal.

I bought the goat because I am trying to rethink about this old idea of mine I wrote years ago as a kid that had more furries in it than humans. Demiurge turning into a jackal was just originally for fun but he stayed after awhile.

3. Biggest self-insert OC?

Oreana. XD; While she's come a long ass way since then, I still feel the parts of me that are in her.

4.What kind of music do your OCs listen to?

There's too many to list. Oreana just likes anything with a good beat, and Ignatius and Demiurge prefer instrumental.

5. What are some of your OCs biggest fears?

Oreana: being used again Ignatius: enduring loss again Demiurge: the loss of himself

Demona: never returning home

Cheshire: Demiurge ever getting his Creator's love when he feels he doesn't deserve it.

6. Do you have any OCs without stories? Will you ever create one for them?

Yuna, Asther, Elasha, and Haruka. Their Toyhouse bios aren't even filled in yet, because I don't know what to do. XD;

And yes, they will! I just have to get my ideas all together first.

7. What are your favourite relationships between your OCs? (romantic or platonic!)

Romantic, mainly because of the lack of love in my life. XD;

8. Do you have any OC family trees?

Oreana does have parents and 2 brothers—as well as an ancestor I can't get into because that's spoilery, and Ignatius has a twin brother.

9. Favourite OC?

It bounces from Oreana, Ignatius, to Demiurge.

10. OC you most struggled to make?

Ignatius. In fact, he went through a redesign about a year—er two years—ago. He originally was just going to look very much like a guy from YYH I loved but a naga, till I decided to make him more like an amalgamation of characters and ideas I loved. Doing that was so much so for the better. As I don't have to feel fixated on the one canon character to be fixated on him.

Fanfic questions:

11. * Sum up one or more of your wips!

Werewolf professor in a fantasy styled Victorian London looks to try and quell the fear over the werewolf curse. It's a commission so I can't really plop too much of it down.

12. Which story took the most research?

Anything from Assassin's Creed. Especially the Victorian London ones regarding brothels, tuberculosis, opium dens, and factories.

Don't get me started on the sex stuff... since that was considered 'prudish', it feels nearly lost to time.

13. Which story has the most lore?

Uuuh... A Love Most Profound and or The Demon King of the Desert, depending what you mean. Both spoke of their beliefs and even had rough outlines of their worlds.

14. Current word count of all your main wips?

I don't think I have any active yet since I'm on vacation.

15. How many projects do you have going on right now? Are there any that you doubt you’ll ever finish?

I have my private journal

A private personal story

In Another Life, We Could Have Been Lovers

Amnesia: A Dreamer's Requiem

An Empty Heart Full of Memories

The Devil After Midnight

The Devil's Tome

Within the Dream Temptation

The Princess and the Dove

I am not sure. I would like to get through all of these, but it's doubtful.

16. What was you first major project? How far along is it?

I guess The Devil's Contract would be considered that. And it's done now at 50 chapters. I was quite happy to have it finished.

17. What are some tropes and character dynamics found in your wips?

Slow burn, soulmates, and just romantic stuff.

18. Describe the setting of one or more of your wips

Horror fantasy of who is doing what and what is happening under the OC's nose, Victorian werewolf fantasy, and murder fantasy with a bit of reincarnation? I guess we'll say.

19. What are some things that inspired your stories? Real events? Maybe a dream?

Dreams more than anything, and if not those, anything I play or watch. Even The Demon King had elements of LOZ in it.

20. What story are you the proudest of? Why?

The Demon King of the Desert. It helped me come to terms with a bit more online trauma, and it seemed to touch a few folks. So I'm happy with it.

About me questions:

21. * When did you start considering yourself a writer/artist?

Artist, I always felt I was one. In fact, I was quite upset when I got online and people preferred my writing over my art. XD But I came to terms with it after awhile. Heck, I realize when I blend the two, people enjoy both.

Writing started to happen the more I wrote stories on websites, and folks came to love them or use them as a means to shoulder through a tough time in their life.

22. What are all the “kinds” of writing/art you do? (short stories, poetry, screenplays, digital, painting, clay, etc.)

I do short stories, poetry, digital art, traditional art too at some points—and sing as well as (kind of) play the piano.

23. Are you in any writer/artist groups? (Ex: discord server!)

Sadly, not really. I get nervous to spread my works to places I'm not comfortable in. But I've heard joining discord servers is a good idea.

24. Do you have/want a career in your medium? If not, what do you do/want to do instead? I would love to publish a book or do a comic of some sort. How I'll go about that, I have zero clue.

25. What’s your favourite genre to write? Is it also your favourite genre to read?

Fantasy and or romance. I prefer to read fantasy over reading romance. I only write romance because of the trauma in my life.

26. What are your favourite books?

The Maze Runner and The Last Unicorn.

27. What are your favourite movies?

The Last Unicorn,Watership Down, and now The Super Mario Brothers Movie (I've watched it like 4 times since I bought it lol).

28. Favourite songs at the moment?

Moonlight Shadow (original artist Mike Oldfield but any artist will do), The Secret of Monkey Island intro melody, and Tombi from Trigun.

29. What was your first fandom you were in? Did you make any art/fanfic for it?

Ronin Warriors, and yes, I wrote and drew for it but ALL that stuff is now archived and lost to time. Lol Well, only gone from the net, really. I still have it offline.

#questions #mod talks #fanfiction #stories #artwork #about me #answers #i wanted to do them all #b/c i found them interesting #ocs #original characters #mywriting #my characters

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atiny-piratequeen · 1 year ago

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As an eldritch immortal being, does Woo have an intimate understanding for why mortality makes humans makes humans? Or does he have to wait until you come into the picture?

I can very much see him and many of the other monsters not having a care for mortal beings (whether human, animal or other monsters that simply lack longevity) because they don’t understand the sacredness that comes with mortality.

I was a huge pjo fan back in elementary so when their more recent books came out I found it interesting (basically Apollo is turned into a mortal as punishment by Zeus) and wonder how well some of the monsters could handle having to experience the human life.

Finding a life, falling in love, possibly having a family (whether found or created) and finally realizing that this isn’t something permanent but rather temporary because mortals suffer from the kids of death whilst many immortal beings find loopholes around it.

I feel like Woo would be one of them that as he’s living the mortal life, he be so busy missing and whining about losing his immortality for a bit that he doesn’t understand the preciousness of mortality until he’s possibly faced with you or a friend dying.

Apologies for the long winded asks, idk where all of it is coming from tbh

Oh he knows. Woo is technically the oldest of the bunch here in Ataraxia verse, he's been around for eons at this point. Destroyed a few planets, created a few along the way. He's kind of at this point where his personality aligns more with the Wooyoung we're all familiar with, where he's chaotic in an endearing way, only flexing his omnipotent power when he needs to because it gets quite tiring being something everyone is absolutely terrified of and unable to even speak to. So he's aware of the ins and outs of human nature and honestly its impossible to lie to him or deceive him in any way. Whoo needs a lie detector when you have Eldrich Wooyoung vibe checking you?

Hongjoong probably has the most intimate understanding of humans and their mortal natures. I've kind of hinted at it, but without giving too many details, he used to be one himself. He doesn't exactly have the best outlook when it comes to humans and their natures for reasons, but he does understand them a lot better than anyone else..

I never read any of them but I've heard snips here and there from audiobooks gaia and her mom plays in the car of the pjo and ma series, so I definitely think its a very interesting concept to explore through story telling.

That trope always hurt my little heart in media hrrrrrrrngh. Its realistic and very valid but I think that's why my little gremlin ass always ends up doing transformations of their partners because owwie, fuck me.

Woo would def be the most affected by losing his immortal status. He's had wounds, many that would be considered mortal, been torn to pieces in conflicts up in the cosmos and then formed back together as whole. If he ever lost the ability to do that, or even the ability to regen, I think he'd fall the hell apart, quite honestly. He's like the rich kid of the bunch, he doesn't have an empathetic grasp on the severity of one's mortality.

also no dont apologize every time i get these asks I just smile, you're actually helping me flush out things a lot more than anything else at the moment it's so pleasant to be able to talk about my little verses like this with someone. thank you so much Laz you funky little babi.

aloha au 'ia 'oe, Laz

#ilysm #asks #long ask #little lazuli 🌺#atx asks #ataraxia spoilers

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thelatebloomerdiaries · 6 months ago

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5.30.24 Papasan tears, failures, and regrets

As I sit here in my papasan chair all I can do is cry. I have a family, but not one of my own.

I have a job that barely pays and is really hard on my body

I have such an overwhelming feeling of failure, sadness, devastation, and some regret/envy.

Failure - because I'm not where I want to be and I've made so many mistakes

Sadness- because I feel behind and hopeless.

Devastation - my dreams of being a "young mom" are gone I had a boyfriend, but a bare minimum kind of guy

Regret - that I didn't go to college, that I didn't break up sooner, that I haven't moved out, that I've never been stable.

Envy - I look and see the lives of many people who have negatively impacted me and they're living my dream. The family, the house, the everything and every time I try I just fail. I feel useless and I'm crying in my room in my parents home in my 30s with less than $200 in my account, a useless degree, and I am just so numb that I can barely even cry. I self-soothe through my labor intense job, watching shows, and sleeping my life away. A small part of me in the back of my mind hopes, prays, wishes, and feels like my life is destined for more, but the evidence thus far does not support that little inkling at all. I can feel myself giving in to the idea that giving up doesn't sound so bad and that my life is over, I'm a loser, I can't win and I feel shame for posting such positive messages because I stopped believing in myself and my dreams a long time ago. I self soothe by eating copious amounts of sugary, bullshit foods that make me feel like shit. I am hurting and I just want the pain to stop. just stop. I feel like my parents are getting old and they'll never see me amount to anything . I feel sick, lost, depressed. I feel this and nothing all at once. It's been months since I cried myself to sleep, I guess tonight's as good as any.

Sad nights of a former emo kid

All day she sits on her bum

Her heart is heavy her brain being numbed

by tales and stories of distant places

She escapes to in her mind to better spaces

Places where she can fly and sore

Places where her feelings are more

than lonely and sad

shameful, and bad

ugly and fat

poor and useless

She use, escapism to a familiar trope

So hopefully it'll save her from a rope

Or pills or bullets or some other method

She hopes that the stories distract her from praying for her deathbed

too broke to adventure outside of Netflix, and stories

She sits all alone and just tries not to worry

Stories of heroes that she wish she could be

but alas she'd rather escape to another story

#sorry for being depressing #tw depressing stuff #tw depressing thoughts #depressing shit #hopelessness #sadgirl #sad thoughts #sad poem #sad quotes #sad poetry #healing journey #healing #feelings #i feel sick #i feel empty #in my feels #pain

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indigoraysoflight · 2 years ago

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K and F, I don't know if you can answer the next ask because the work is not finished but I'm curious so I'm going to ask 😅 E for Rekindling.

This is a long one, so get popcorn or a bevvy lol.

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

I have an idea for Caryl that I'll put into writing at some point. It includes a character making a terrible choice (aka choosing someone else in a dark period of their life when they're all alone because they think they lost the love of their life) that would cause a chain reaction of events that mostly affects the love of their life. But it includes them still finding each other and moving through it together.

With Remember Me....not gonna lie, I contemplated Ned actually being in a relationship with Ashara and raising "their child" (who was actually Brandon's) when Jory find and brings him home.

Catelyn would have to move through the idea of him building a life with someone (she feels insecure about), not remembering her, and that he might've cheated on her years ago. AKA it was going to be a shitfest for Catelyn (and Ned who would've drowned himself in guilt).

RM is written in a modern era, and Catelyn would immediately call BS on Ned cheating on her. And she would've figured it all out really fast. Ultimately, they would've worked through it together but I still decided against it because it would've been so sad for the most part.

(sorry about that essay haha)

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

There is a scene in Remember me, Chapter 22 between Jory and Catelyn which I absolutely adore.

“What if I can’t keep any of you safe?” His voice was a mere whisper, like he spoke more to himself than to her. Her eyes teared up as she turned back to him. “You can’t take full responsibility for our lives, Jory. You can’t keep all of us safe at all times and if you try you’ll tear yourself apart doing it. And we need you.” “What’s the point of me if I can’t protect you all?” he asked. She frowned. “You are not just some bodyguard and stop talking like that about yourself, Jory Cassel.” She reminded herself to keep her voice low as everyone was asleep. Catelyn walked to stand right in front of him. “You are our friend and a part of our family. And don’t you dare put your job to protect us before that.” He looked unconvinced so she continued. “Please, don’t ever think your life is something you must throw away for the sake of duty. Although I appreciate your loyalty to our family, I will not have you think your job comes before your life.” She gently plucked the lint off his shirt like she did for Edmure or the boys. “You are just as important as the people you are protecting. Don’t you ever forget that.” Jory looked quite touched, but she knew she hadn’t changed his mind. “Thanks, Cat,” he said simply and turned away. Catelyn knew there was nothing she could say that would help how he felt, he needed his space. She just prayed he realized that he was important to all of them and simply walked back into her room.

It's not secret that Jory is my favourite. I've said it several times, but one thing I love showing is his struggle with masculine tropes (aka protector/self-sacrifice to protect etc). He has trouble being vulnerable, because he's afraid of getting hurt.

His friendship with Catelyn strengthens in RM because they're constantly forced in emotionally vulnerable situations. Sometimes that vulnerability spills through in other moments (he constantly tries to shield her, and she's constantly tries to make sure he's ok).

This interaction is important because Jory decides to be vulnerable on purpose. He vocalizes what we see him struggling with for many chapters. Not coating it in anger or frustration, but in it's pure form of fear and dread that he's carried with him.

And he opens up to Catelyn because he feels safe with her. It's not a cry for help, but vulnerability for the sake of it. Which is what makes it so beautifully heartbreaking to witness. And Catelyn who's been waiting for him to open up, still tears up at the rawness of it. She pours her heart out and surprises him by reminding him that he IS one of them. That they are family. But knows its not enough because he needs to work through it himself.

Its their dynamic laid bare for everyone to see. Its his fear of not being able to protect her and her family meeting her fear that he's not ok and there is nothing she can do to help him.

And I adore it.

E: If you wrote a sequel to Rekindling, what would it be about?

It would be about Ned x Cat getting to know each other after a 6 year long separation. It would revolve around Ned x Cat building a foundation together and re-learning how to cultivate a healthy relationship. I would want them to get frustrated, excited, angry at each other and learn how to move through it all of together.

Hope that answers your asks!

#anon ask #answered #fic asks #remember me #rekindling #my fics #ned x cat

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twig-tea · 1 year ago

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This is such a good read and as a massive UWMA fan, so validating! I watched UWMA as it was airing and it was the first show (and one of the only) that I would rewatch the previous episodes in prep for the new one; I just couldn't get enough of it and I wanted to immerse myself in the story for as long as possible. The way I had hand-drawn family trees (redrawn more than once as more was revealed) to help me figure out the relationships between the characters 🤣 This post touches on so much of what I loved, but to call out a couple of additional things, what was so comforting to me about this show was that it didn't shy away from the reality of homophobia and its effect on generations, but at the same time for Dean and Pharm the world was so safe--and not just safe from homophobia, but safe from BL tropes. There are so many moments when something *could* go wrong in Dean and Pharm's relationship but it just doesn't: Alex as a potential rival who could cause a misunderstanding or not respect being rejected, the kitchen moment as a potential for angst or misunderstandings (and the way Pharm handles it was so deft, it's one of my favourite examples of discussing boundaries in BL), [edited to add] The people shipping PharmTeam; and the many many times they dealt with the stress of coming out to various groups: Dean's childhood friend, Pharm's neighbor, Dean's faculty, Pharm's friends, Dean's siblings, Pharm's family, Dean's parents, Dean's grandmother, Pharm's uncle... I'm sure I'm now forgetting some [Edited to add, I did: Dean's fanclub finding out was a perfect example of this]. These are all set up as moments of tension that are relieved within the episode. It's so incredibly comforting as a queer person to have a show that merges the realism with BL fantasy so that we get to see characters healed from generational trauma through acceptance in the present, and it was such a comfort as a BL veteran to see a couple deftly swerve those trope-y relationship issues (misunderstandings, miscommunications, jealousy, self-doubt) that often feel like an unearned attempt at adding drama in a series. @bengiyo also made the brilliant point about how Korn and In fail so badly at Seme/Uke tropes and I had never thought of it that way but it is actually perfect. I honestly can't put into words what this show means to me, and I'm so glad other people have tried!

Getting back to OP's point about Asian families and the importance that this topic is rightfully given in this show, the way Dean changes his family name so that In's name lives on always struck me as such a beautiful gesture that doesn't mean the same thing to those of us from a Western perspective who don't have a family registry of the same weight as in Thailand (and Japan, to my understanding). It really moved me, how Korn did not just apologize, but proactively made amends to In's family to undo one of the unintended effects of his actions (the ending of his family name and therefore legacy). So much of forgiveness narratives are about apology alone, but I really do believe that where we can, making amends is critical to fully understanding the impact of our actions and helps demonstrate sincerity of intent. And it also really helped to underscore the importance of familial responsibility to Korn and to show that this hasn't been lost in the present.

Ok I'll stop but thank you @waitmyturtles for continuing to bless us with your brilliance!

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: Until We Meet Again Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr last year and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings – and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the amazing current works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about that history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs directly or indirectly related to GMMTV and what that channel is producing now. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. In a LONG POST, I’m writing today about New Siwaj’s incomparable drama, Until We Meet Again.]

TW: suicide, suicidal ideation, psychological trauma

Gah. I am so psyched to be finally sitting down to write my thoughts on Until We Meet Again, but I’m actually at a bit of a loss on where to start. There is SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

I think, where I can start, is to first say that this was, in my opinion, AN ABSOLUTELY SPECTACULAR SHOW. I did NOT expect this, at all. I’ve been around the way with New Siwaj, the UWMA screenwriter and director, a few times now for the OGMMTVC – his writing on Love Sick, his work with Cheewin on Make It Right, and his work on MAME’s novel in Love By Chance have all been on the OGMMTVC list. I know that Between Us, the UMWA WinTeam continuation, was considered mostly a let-down for weak writing, and that New’s more recent shows, including A Boss and a Babe and Double Savage, were viewed quite critically (although I am a Double Savage apologist, for which I’ll explain my viewpoints later in this post).

So. What I did not expect from 2019′s UWMA was to experience so many layers in a drama à la the work of Aof Noppharnach. Yes, I cannot believe I’m going here, to compare a New Siwaj drama to Aof’s oeuvre, but damn if I will, because good lord, New took his magic hat of tricks, pulled out THE GOOD STUFF, and made it all work.

This is a list of themes that I saw in UWMA, that will help me structure this long write-up, but by no means should it be considered complete, as I’m sure I’m missing themes that you all likely caught in your watches and re-watches:

1) A new narrative structure for New – balancing the impact of side couples by leveraging focus, equally, on two MAIN couples 2) The continuation and end of the 2019 trend of reincarnation and spiritual connections to love 3) Intergenerational queer trauma (micro-level) 4) Generational acceptance of queerness (macro-level) 5) Food and its Proustian effect on memory 6) Reflections on filial piety and the devastating effects of expectations – and how children and parents seek redemption, particularly in New’s work

And before I even dive into THIS list, can I just say: MY GOD, FLUKE AND OHM. And Earth and Kao! But FLUKE AND OHM. Jesus, does New have an eye for talent – from the Make It Right guys, to Perth and Saint, and then to Fluke and Ohm. I was seriously TAKEN with their chemistry. I did hear from a number of folks during my UWMA live-blogging that they can’t rewatch UWMA because of Fluke/Pharm’s rendition of the blushing maiden trope, but for my tastes – I think the way he rendered the trope was really necessary to communicating Intouch’s story, history, and emotions, and just – Fluke just ATE this role, my gawd. And Ohm/Dean responding in kind vis à vis Korn’s regret. YOW. It’s been a few days since I finished the show, in a total RUSH of drama hunger, and I’m still shaking my head and MARVELING at their performance.

Okay, back to the themes list. So, early in my Thai BL journey in the fall of 2022, after I had watched KinnPorsche and The Eclipse as my first two Thai BLs, I watched A Tale of Thousand Stars (way before the OGMMTVC was born), and noted that I appreciated the lack of side couples in the ATOTS storyline. I now realize, through the OGMMTVC, that side couples are both a BL trope and a byproduct of the drama styles from which BLs were born, the ensemble-based dramas like Love Sick, Senior Secret Love, and Kiss/Kiss Me Again.

New’s Make It Right – while beloved in my heart, for the chaotic duos of TeeFuse and FrameBook – WAS messy, with all the other couple stuff happening around it. That, along with Love By Chance, made me wonder – why do BLs that center fabulous dyads with sizzling chemistry take away from that energy with all the side couple action? Even Together With Me, a non-New Siwaj and non-GMMTV drama, got sidelined in part with a VERY questionable side couple plot in BrightFarm.

Reflecting back on KP and The Eclipse, I had that question in mind as I started UWMA, and wondered where the Alex and WinTeam storylines were going to go. But, frankly, I ended up appreciating what NEEDED to happen with DeanPharm and KornIntouch, because – the original novel storyline clearly demanded that these two couples, who were NOT side couples, but MAIN couples, needed a MAIN spotlight for their collective story to be told. @clairificusrex mentioned in a liveblog comment (THANK YOU, LOVELY HUMAN!) that New Siwaj benefitted in the screenplay from having a wonderful original novel to work with, and while I don’t read Y Series canon, I can only imagine that this was indeed the case.

So, New, in order to hew to the novel, had to perhaps hold back his usual instincts to muss up the main couple vibe, by centering DeanPharm and KornIntouch. With that control necessary to the story – I think the narrative STRUCTURE of the drama just blew open. It was FASCINATING, it drew me in, and the structure allowed for another New predilection to be leveraged WELL, in his love for flashbacks. @lurkingshan, you mentioned that your taste wasn’t necessarily aligned with New’s fancy for flashbacks, which I totally understand – I think flashbacks hurt the overall narrative structure of Double Savage earlier this year. But I think, here for UMWA, they were necessary, and I might very well be apologetic to that considering what I DID see in Double Savage by way of the story that New ended up screenwriting over there in regards to intergenerational family trauma (again, more on this later in the post).

This narrative structure lent itself handily to the next four themes on this list, all of which deal in memory, in spiritual roots, and/or in the generational passage and inheritance of trauma and emotion. 2019, as we know now, was a big year for shows themed around Thai spiritual culture and/or reincarnation. We have He’s Coming To Me, we have Dew the Movie – we have art here, queer-centered art, that does not lend itself to happy endings, that depicts, through reincarnation or, in the case of HCTM, a ghostly purgatory, how DIFFICULT it had been to be comfortably queer and/or openly out in past and present Thailand.

And then UWMA comes along, telling TWO generational stories, intertwined by the red thread, but also, in the words of the WONDERFUL @bengiyo, connected by Korn and Intouch’s intergenerational queer trauma, the most PERFECT coinage of a theme for this show. In 1988, when Korn and Intouch die, they cannot be out. They cannot even be SECRETLY in love. Their bad dads use the foulest of language to describe their love (much like Phop’s dad in Dew). And Korn kills himself, and Intouch follows.

And what we learn, through Dean and Pharm, are the emotions, the regrets, the LEARNED BEHAVIOR that Korn and Intouch have picked up on in the afterlife, embedded in Dean and Pharm, that keeps Korn and Intouch’s love alive, with CORRECTIONS and ADJUSTMENTS made by Dean and Pharm that reflect on how not only Korn and Intouch’s love has changed and improved, but also how Dean and Pharm are learning how to love EACH OTHER, themselves, as they adjust to their OWN belonging to each other, in Pharm’s own words. GAH – my aching heart. (Thank you to @lurkingshan for talking this through with me early on in my UWMA watch.)

I mean. THE DEPTH OF THIS. Intouch is a terrible cook, and Pharm is like, a restaurant-level chef?! Pharm is so resistant, and Dean is so FORWARD? (OHM THITIWAT, GAH!!!) (Listen. Pharm. P’Deeeean can grab MY butt, okay?) (See what I did there, @lurkingshan and @bengiyo? THANK YOOOOUU.)

And Pharm’s blushing maiden approach. Yes, I will also admit, that sometimes, it was a little cringey. But I think the blushing maiden trope was really necessary to the story – ESPECIALLY IN THE CONTEXT of Intouch’s anger, ciphered through Pharm in the last episode. And I think that Fluke Natouch ultimately rendered the trope beautifully – again, especially against the gorgeous ending of the show. Oh, THAT CONDO SCENE, PEOPLE. I LOST IT.

Of course, Intouch would want to hold back through Pharm in the present day. If Intouch DIDN’T hold back vis à vis Pharm – he might lose Korn again, if Pharm missteps with Dean. Intouch may have felt that HIS forwardness lent to their troubles – so Intouch holds back, through Pharm. And Intouch ultimately communicates his love for Korn differently in the afterlife, more hesitantly – through a resistance to intimacy, and through food and cooking in Pharm, which itself was another amazing move in this show.

Listen. Even my pinned post says what I value in dramas, not just in BLs. You give me food in BL, and I give you my heart. But also, let’s talk about the meaning of food in Asian dramas for a second. It’s no coincidence that MANY Asian dramas and doramas center food, including my favorite BL of all time, Kinou Nani Tabeta/What Did You Eat Yesterday?. If you don’t know Asians, of any ilk – let me make a BROAD continental and sub-continental judgement. ALL WE THINK ABOUT IS FOOD, lol. While I’m with my family, while I’m working, while I’m writing meta – I’m thinking about food, I’m thinking about what I want to cook, what I want to order, how I can mix the cuisines I love (Thai-Indian curries, anyone? YUM). Malaysians literally boast about having multiple meals, way past three meals, a day. We Asians are proud of our cuisines, and we want y’all to be EATING, A LOT, and to try all our dishes. (ITSAY, your Hokkien mee is calling me…)

But, also: FOOD MEANS FAMILY. Let me say it again: FOOD MEANS FAMILY. You FEED the people you LOVE, with delicious food. Shiro and Kenji. Kurosawa and Adachi. The guys in Jack o’Frost. The guys in The Eighth Sense. Omg, even Kinn and Porsche. We’re seeing it in Tokyo In April Is… And Pharm, to Dean, Intouch to Korn.

And BESIDES Intouch/Pharm becoming a great cook, GOD, the story ALSO INCLUDED the Proustian reference of the madeleine and involuntary memory – but in SUCH a stunning way, as to RECALL DEAN’S FAMILIAL MEMORY of eating his grandmother’s Thai desserts – his grandmother, Intouch’s sister, and how Dean could get an indirect spotlight into Intouch and a depth of an understanding of Intouch’s happiness besides his love for Korn. And how Pharm EMBODIED that love for Thai desserts through Intouch’s family lineage. Oh, just get me MESSY, PEOPLE. FUCKING GENIUS SHIT.

Memory on memory on memory. Dream on dream, nightmare on nightmare, tears and red threads, inherited trauma, intergenerational trauma. The micro-level of what Dean and Pharm had to live with on a daily basis in their recollections of Korn and Intouch. The macro-level of what Pharm and Dean experienced when all of their parents accepted them for who they were as queer individuals, and their partners, as well. How Dean’s dad could ACTUALLY RELATE to Dean himself, because Dean’s dad had been rejected by Dean’s mother’s family. And how that ALLOWED Dean’s dad to accept Dean and his choice to be with Pharm. How that trauma was relieved, how Dean and Pharm DID NOT HAVE TO PHYSICALLY RELIVE what Korn and Intouch had gone through, and how those involuntary memories that Dean and Pharm carried vis à vis Korn and Intouch traumatized them until Dean and Pharm could RECEIVE their OWN familial acceptance.

The LAYERS OF THIS SHOW. Before I get to the last theme on my list, I really just need to metaphorically slam my palms on an allegorical table and give New Siwaj a huge hug, because THIS SHIT IS NOT EASY TO PROCESS ALL AT ONCE, and I can’t wait to do a UWMA rewatch to try to catch more (and I’ll likely need to write another meta, ha, when I do that). I mean, again, just to use food as an example of a kind of storytelling TOOL to INDICATE memory, especially in the context of lost and found love, of intergenerational trauma and relieving regret – BRILLIANT. BRILLIANT.

And. The last theme on the list, the theme of filial piety, of Asian family systems and devotion and loyalty and expectations, and the devastating effects on the micro-individual level (and even the macro-social level as well) that those expectations can have.

So, I watched Double Savage, screenwritten by New Siwaj, out of order from UWMA. Very quickly, since many of you have likely NOT watched Double Savage because it’s not a BL (but it DID have Ohm Pawat and Perth Tanapon in a hose-off scene – you can’t take the New Siwaj out of New Siwaj, amirite): Double Savage is about Korn (Ohm P.), a middle son who is branded a jinx by a HORRENDOUS Thai-Chinese father, and how the abuse leveled on Korn by his dad has intergenerational ripple effects across their family and community.

Let’s break this down. I now know that New Siwaj does bad dads from Thai-Chinese lineage very well. UWMA’s Korn is expected to take over a mafia business. His dad is disapproving that Korn doesn’t want to take over the business – which is an UNQUESTIONABLE and EMBEDDED expectation in most Asian family lineages (hello, Jeng and Step By Step) – AND Korn’s dad is ALSO disapproving in Korn’s love for Intouch and vice versa. Separately, Intouch’s dad is disapproving that Intouch is in love with Korn, a mafia scion.

Modern times are modern for a reason. 1988 was 31 years from 2019. I want to emphasize here the understanding that Korn and Intouch likely had – that besides running away, there was no other existence for them to be together than to kill themselves and be together in the afterlife. And running away, and still living and existing, would have been a guilt-ridden and dangerous existence, for what Asian children are expected to do and live for vis à vis their parents. Korn likely HAD NO OTHER IMAGINATION for a life that he could live OTHER THAN to take over his father’s business and to be a heteronormative adult in the late 1980s. And, to top that all off, both of their dads were fucking assholes.

I really liked how this was juxtaposed to the relationship between Dean and his father. Dean was clearly set up to be as stubborn as his dad. Meaning, at least to me – that Dean was FAR less likely to be told what to do by his dad, that Dean would and maybe COULD, stand up to his dad. We didn’t see it happen, but I could have imagined Dean not accepting “no” for an answer from his dad to accept Pharm. (Makes you think about Pat, Pran, and Ming, no?) Dean had Korn in him. Dean/Korn was NOT GOING TO TAKE THAT SHIT AGAIN, and that was CLEAR. I want to emphasize: THAT’S BIG. That was BIG on New Siwaj and the UWMA novel writer to include that in the story. That’s parental defiance. That needed to happen in order for Dean and Pharm to survive. As an Asian, that gives me a kick of welcome energy.

But I also really want to note what New Siwaj did at the end of the show, something so deft, it might have left non-Asian viewers wondering what was going on. In the condo scene, Dean and Pharm are ciphering Korn and Intouch – and when Korn’s father shows up in the wheelchair, Korn’s father knows what’s happening.

And Korn apologizes to his dad. Korn had already apologized to Intouch, but Korn also apologizes to his dad, and to his brother, and to his nephew in Sin. This really gets me, y’all, I understand this as an Asian. Korn is APOLOGIZING for the PAIN he caused in his family AND in Intouch, because – filial piety. He knows what he did to himself was devastating to the Asian family system he was born into, to the Asian society he was born into, and he apologized for the suicide he committed unto himself that caused that extra-social pain.

Like. As crazy as that sounds, it’s also an INCREDIBLY SOPHISTICATED way to ACKNOWLEDGE that Korn had broached a social boundary, and Intouch had followed him. THAT IS A HELL OF A LAYER TO ADD TO THIS STORY, ONE THAT I DID NOT EXPECT, and that SHOOK ME at the end of this series.

A similar situation happened in Double Savage. Despite the horrendous psychological abuse that Double Savage’s Korn received from his father – an adult Korn ends up apologizing to his father for the trouble that HE may have caused. Now, what I appreciated about Double Savage was that THAT dad was like – no, no, *I* should be the one apologizing. BUT, I want to indicate and emphasize here, that BOTH storylines acknowledge that Asian children NEED to know, SHOULD know, ARE BORN TO KNOW, that their actions have collective effects on a wider family system. We are born to understand and think like that. We are not dealing with an individualist Western perspective here. (I literally FLIPPED when I realized that New Siwaj has had MULTIPLE CHARACTERS NAMED KORN APOLOGIZING TO BAD DADS, and I’m an Asian over here UNDERSTANDING WHY, and I’m just like, pfffftt GGGAAAHHHH.)

Why am I harping on this? BECAUSE: vis à vis EVERYTHING ELSE that is lineage-based in this story – from children being born, to intergenerational trauma, to reincarnation – UWMA is structured around an über-macro theme of worlds being linked, by threads, by genes, by history, by spirit, by trauma. We are collectively linked. Babies are born – we saw many babies in this show. Children belong to families. Lovers belong to lovers. Dean PHYSICALLY belongs to Intouch’s family, and Pharm to Korn’s family. A happy existence will be when a family accepts a child’s partner. Happiness is in a family growing, not a family shrinking. Warmth and growth and love happens when a happy family sits at a table and eats together.

As Pharm says at the end of the show – oh, my HEART – “I belong to Dean.” Yes, you do – because you have become Dean’s family, and Dean has become Pharm’s family. Korn’s family BELONGS to Intouch’s family, and vice versa. They are destined, MEANT to be linked together, AND TO BE FAMILY, ALL TOGETHER.

Kurosawa and Adachi become family in the Cherry Magic movie. WDYEY’s Shiro and Kenji become family by way of living and eating together. Even if BBS’s Ming doesn’t acknowledge Pran – Pran is Ming’s family. LOVE. MAKES. FAMILY.

What Korn apologized for was the impact his decision had on his family — WHILE HE WAS IN LOVE WITH INTOUCH, WHO KORN’S FAMILY WAS NOT ALLOWING KORN TO MAKE AS KORN’S NEW FAMILY in the 1980s. Korn was able to apologize in the afterlife — BECAUSE Dean and Pharm DID WHAT HE AND INTOUCH COULD NOT DO, by way of generations, by way of family acceptance, by way of inherited trauma and STOPPING that inherited trauma in its tracks – very much like Pat and Pran banding together and doing the same for themselves. Dean and Pharm did the hard work of making the relationship a real one, in every aspect of their intimate, micro-level family lives, to a public, external existence in the world. Korn could FINALLY experience the release of GUILT he had towards Intouch and towards Korn’s family, now that Korn’s love for Intouch could FINALLY flourish outside the constraints of filial piety through Dean. THIS IS HUGE. I have no words to tell you what the BRILLIANCE of this means to me as an Asian. LOVE MAKES FAMILY, and LOVE THAT IS ALLOWED TO FLOURISH GIVES YOU THE RELEASE TO BE YOUR TRUE SELF.

Dean had learned from the inherited trauma that he got from Korn that he needed to stop the trauma train in his tracks, and he did, and he confronted his father, and his father blessed the union of Dean and Pharm. When Dean took the gun away from Pharm, and embraced Pharm, Korn and Intouch KNEW that they could finally be safe in the afterlife. Dean and Pharm were the ciphers that finally ALLOWED Korn and Intouch to exist happily together in spirit. Korn, especially, could exist freely, now that he was relieved of his guilt. Dean and Pharm were, LITERALLY, Korn and Intouch’s FAMILY – the FAMILY that ALLOWED the FINAL RELEASE for Korn and Intouch to be together as their true selves and spirits.

And Dean and Pharm confirmed that in FRONT of the family member, in Korn’s father, that had originally caused all this pain. The intricate layers, communicated to a primarily Asian audience, of Korn apologizing to his father, and then of Dean embracing Pharm and confirming their love AND Korn and Intouch’s love, in front of that former barrier – that is GROWTH and FLOURISHING in the face of generational defiance, and about as sophisticated and eloquent a communication of familial transcendence as I could possibly imagine seeing in Asian drama art. WHOA. I’m a little out of breath with this.

Wow. And speaking of being one’s true self: I deeply loved that Dean and Pharm took a three-month break. I loved that Pharm was smart and strong enough to demand a break to understand if DEAN and PHARM – INDEPENDENT of ANYTHING they had INHERITED from ANYONE – actually loved each other and belonged together. Fuck. Pharm was like, no – this one’s on me. I need to see, outside of ANY INFLUENCES, FROM ANYONE, ANYWHERE – if I love Dean, if Dean loves me, and if we belong together. Brave. Badass.

AND, I truly loved how Korn and Intouch – DEAN AND PHARM’S FAMILY – came BACK to Dean and Pharm’s dreams to offer thanks. I loved how, in the end, the past and his family came back to give Pharm that little contextual nudge to say to Pharm, it’s okay to love Dean for Dean, AND to love how you two came together, through Korn and Intouch. And Pharm could acknowledge, finally, that he belonged to Dean. God damn.

This story was so multilayered, SO complex, SO filled with a respect for love at its highest and most complicated levels. This story was filled with CRITICAL SCRUTINY towards Asian family systems and the trauma that those systems can render. This story was filled with an acknowledgement for the power of LOVE that those same family systems can offer unto children who NEED pillars of love and support (Pharm’s mom and brother, badasses!).

Y’ALL. I just, I DID NOT KNOW that New Siwaj could DO THIS! I know that UWMA is considered his best show, but like, this is his best show BY A LOT, A LOT. Double Savage, in contrast, had a lot of narrative and structural issues that detracted from the core stories of filial piety that were ultimately very important to tell.

UWMA did not fall into that trap. It was SMART, it MOVED (FOR SEVENTEEN EPISODES! I SLAMMED THIS SERIES! I could have watched MORE, I cannot believe I’m SAYING THAT!), it was. It was just BRILLIANT. It was an ode to romantic love, to family love, to the power of memory. In 2019, it joined He’s Coming To Me in a burgeoning echelon of cinema-influenced BLs in storytelling, soon to be joined by I Told Sunset About You, ATOTS, and others. It took the sad endings of He’s Coming To Me and Dew the Movie and said – not today. Today, we will let love LIVE, let QUEER LOVE live, in REAL LIFE, in REAL TIME, and we will not let our lovers live in regret. We will take queer love, we will give queer love FAMILY, and we will give it the HONOR IT DESERVES.

Until We Meet Again is a must-watch of the highest order, and goes on the shortlist of shows that I will refer to as one that makes me proud to be an Asian. It was easily one of the most important shows I’ve watched in this project. All credit to New, Fluke, Ohm, Earth, and Kao for a PHENOMENAL experience – my heart and mind have been bettered because of this show.

[FLUKE. AND. OHM. Fluke and Singto coming thru in Shadow the Series? Sign me the FUCK up. Actors on actors. WOW. Did UWMA ever introduce me to another crop of dudes who can fucking tear up a screen. I had SO much fun watching UWMA, whew!

And, yep. I had to follow this up with 2gether, ha. I’m going to spare myself a little pain, if y’all don’t mind, and combine my write-up of 2gether with Still 2gether. I know there’s a lot to be said about the lack of intimacy in 2G, which I can’t wait to dive into, but I can’t help but to also run into another wall of analysis with dear P’Aof’s work in S2G. I’ll make it all work!

After I get myself together with 2gether (HA) – it’s ITSAY time. I will be planning on watching ITSAY TWICE before writing, as I’m preparing myself to catch EVERYTHING I can before I pen words. Stay tuned.

Status of the list below. As always – if you have feedback, send it my way!

1) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 2) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 3) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 4) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 5) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 6) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 7) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 8) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 9) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 10) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 11) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 12) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (I’m watching this out of order just to get familiar with OffGun before Theory of Love – will likely not review) 13) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 14) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (not a BL or an official part of the OGMMTVC watchlist, but an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 15) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 16) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) 17) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (watching) 18) I Told Sunset About You (2020) 19) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) 20) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) 21) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 22) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS 23) Lovely Writer (2021) 24) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) 25) I Promised You the Moon (2021) 26) Not Me (2021-2022) 27) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 28) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 29) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 30) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 31) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist 32) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 33) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 34) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 35) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 36) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults)]

#until we meet again #i'm not over it #never will be

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persage · 2 years ago

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My Responsibility - S. Harrington

Part 4- Breathe

Whump! Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: After the events of Season 4, Steve must deal with the consequences of his injuries. When his condition worsens, only the reader realizes it and the truth is much scarier than you expected.

PART 3 Masterlist

Tags: Whump! Angst! Romance! Steve HarringtonxBest Friend Reader. Found Family Trope.

Taglist: @carpediem1219 @redheadedfangirl1 @ducky-is-dead-inside @gloryofroses19 @lexiecamposv @xsammijoanneex @johnricharddeacy @thestarsandtheircoffee @hcloangcls Once again I wanna thank you for your support, writing this part has been very difficult and I'm not even sure it's good at all but I still hope you like it!

There was a kiss once. You called it "The other time", leaving all your friends with dubts about what had really happened. "We don't talk about the other time". Robin agreed it was a cool name, but also tried hard to get you to confess a little more about it. There was a bet going on between her and Max and she was sure she would win.

"Dingus must have done something very embarrassing, like he tried to kiss her and she dodged"

"No. I think they have ... You know ... Had sex. It is sooo clear"

Robin was not that far from the truth to be honest, but there was something missing in her theory, a small but very important detail: you have not moved away. Not an inch. Kissing Steve Harrington felt like comin' home after a long time, like finding your way back after getting lost in the woods. You never asked him, but a part of you thinks it was the same overwhelming feeling for him. You had decided together that whatever that kiss was, you wouldn't talk about it again and so you pretended to forget. It was Graduation Day, happiest moment in your life. You walked toward him as he arrived at your doorstep: same car, same hair, it could have been a day like many other but he was there, stunning in his suite, and with a little imagination you could pretend he'd come to get you and take you to the prom - something you had secretly wished since the beginning of high school. You blushed, the way his eyes ran into your body was pure magic. Steve had stretched his fingers towards you to tidy a lock of hair behind your hear and then he held it firmly to your cheek, you slowly covered his hand with yours, squeezing it slightly. "I don't want to sound cheesy but.. Y/N Y/L/N but I think you are the most beautiful thing these eyes have ever seen." You laughed trying to hide your embarrassment. "Took you long enough to understand it Harrington." He shook his head. Then he kissed you, without any particular reason, without atmosphere and premeditation, he simply kissed you as if it were the most natural thing in the world, as if he had done nothing else in his entire life. His lips on yours were calm and delicate. You deepened the contact, responding automatically, letting your hands slide over his chest and your tongue slip into his mouth. You only realized what you were doing when your mother called you from the upper floor and you broke away with an expression somewhere between terror and sheer embarrassment. Your lips parted, you met his eyes with fear and Steve could hear the beating of his own heart. "Oh I ... Sorry ... What a weird thing adrenaline is huh?"

"Adrenaline?"

"Come on, it's graduation day. We are free, adults. It's exciting and you can do... Stupid things." You knew him well enough to see he was trying to hide the embarrassment too. "Well technically I kissed King Steve before the end of high school that makes me one of the cool kids"

Something had changed in you and you both knew it. Now you can't help but wonder how he would have answered if you’d only asked what he felt that day.

When the time comes, it's Hopper's job to undress Steve with the delicacy he would use with a child while the boy is stirring deliriously, in the grip of a fever that is still too high. "Go away, go away! " In his mind, the chief's hands are demobat's tails squeezing around his neck and he's trapped - again- in the Upside Down, Vecna's monsters chasing him without mercy. Jim takes him carefully bridal style and brings him to bathroom.

"Be strong, Harrington." He says as he lets him slowly slip into a tub full of ice. As soon as his warm skin touches the frozen water, Steve begins to regain consciousness, chattering his teeth, looking around with those big eyes, confused and scared. It kills you to see him so vulnerable. The black veins on his arms and chest pulsate more than ever and it looks like they're about to explode. You take a step towards him and run a hand through his hair to calm him down as Hopper dips him deeper and deeper into the water, trying to ignore the cold that tears his own arms and the boy's grimaces of pain. "Stop, stop." Steve whispers, fidgeting to no avail. You get down on your knees to find yourself at his height. "Y/N" Your name on his lips is like a prayer. "What's going on? I didn't want ... I didn't want to tell you those things." You smile sweetly. "It's okay honey. We're helping you and ... I know, I know you didn't want to." You reassure him, running a hand on his cheek. He is already cold. Too cold. You wonder if you have made the right choice.

"Don't leave me."

"Never" He looks relieved.

"I ... it's bad, isn't it?" Steve asks Hopper, pointing with his head at the veins that now cover most of his body. Harrington is smiling, trying to be strong, but his eyes show how truly scared he is. It hit Hopper that Steve is only a kid. A soldier, perhaps, but still a kid. "Yeah, It is but I need you to let us do this and focus on your breathing." He nods but as Dustin pours more ice into the tub, his veins begin to throb even more and it looks like they're about to come out of his body, slap away from his flesh. In a short time - too short for any human being in any human condition - his lips begin to take on disturbing shades of blue. Steve is frozen and you can only touch as much bare skin as you find to let him know you are there. Steve starts coughing, his body trembles, now the veins have arrived on the face, near his eyes and if you look closely, they are slowly invading them, obliterating the light in his gaze. Robin holds back a scream, suffocating it with her own hands. "It's all right Rob." He encourages her.

"Do you remember when we took a dip in your pool in the middle of winter and we almost froze to death?" You ask, smiling. "Y - hea I r-r-reme-mber" He has trouble speaking, his teeth chatter without him being able to do anything to avoid it, cold drops run down his body. "M - my m-mum .... punish-ment for w-weeks." Only by touching him you can feel the cold invade you too, but you don't care. God only knows how you would like the enter this cursed tub with him, trow your arms around his fragile body to protect him. "You said you've never felt this cold in your life, do you still think it Harrington?" You joke. He smiles and shakes his head. "T-this is wo-r-rse but a-at least I w-won't be punished"

"No" you reply, placing a kiss on his forehead. "You won't be."

Then suddenly something changes in his gaze, a flash of pain passes through him like a shot. Steve squints his eyes with all the strength he has left. "STOP! PLEASE! HOPPER! GOD! STOP PLEASE!" He screams at the top of his lungs and Jim continues to immerse his body, with more and more ice, the boy's pain in his ears. Steve tries to get up, Dustin is right there to stop him and Steve grabs his arm tightly. Robin puts her hands on her ears, the girl clearly can't take hearing her friends screams anymore, hot tears roll down her cheeks as she turns away to not let him see her breakdown. The weight of what's happening suddenly crushes her.

"Steve!" Dustin's agonizing cry make you snap your head back and look at him. Steve's eyes are closed. Your breath caught in your throat. "Love, I need you to wake up again." "Come on kid, you've gotta open your eyes now." Hopper says and Steve slowly blinks his eyes open. "There we go. You're doing really great." And all you think is that the worst is yet to come.

When Hopper starts carving his flesh, Steve Harrington is sore. It's not the blade that makes him shout, that's not the pain he feels. It comes from within, a burning fire surrounding his heart and throat. Whatever it is, he just wants it to stop. "Please let me die." He thinks, but he doesn't speak, not anymore. The pulsing black veins have taken every part of him, his eyes are now completely black, streams of black blood dripping from his mouth. As Hopper desperately continues to cut his skin and El prepares herself to get the poison out of him, they all have a feeling that the plan is going to be a huge, immense failure. Steve is cold, his skin - where still visible - is so clear that it's almost transparent and the more you look at him the more you feel like you are already looking at his dead body. Something inside you definitely breaks and you find yourself sobbing, salt on your lips from tears, voice cracking. "Please Stevie" The image of a ten year old boy smiling at you, big dark eyes, already perfect hair, a hand stretched out towards you." I love you."

What happens to Steve in the meantime feels like a dream. Long red hair flutters before his eyes, little freckles on white cheeks, fair skin. "Hey idiot." He would recognize her voice anywhere. "Max." In the clouded haze of his pain there she is, beautiful and alive. "Hi Steve." Her voice is breaking with emotion. "You're going to be okay. I'll make sure of it, I promise. You've survived so much shit, you can survive this." "Your arms, your eyes." He grabs her by the shoulders, as if to be sure she's really there with him and she's fine, no broken bones or bloodshot eyes. There's no Vecna, the girl in front of him is the same annoy little Max from good old times, the sister he never had, the one he thought he has lost. "I'm fine. I'm fine here whatever this place is, maybe one day I'll be fine in my body too and I'll be back." He raises his eyebrows on confusion. "This ... is not real. Am I ... dead? Because if that's the case I was expecting angels to be a little nicer than you."

"I see you haven't lost your sense of humor." Max gets serious. "I'm glad I saw you Steve, but I've never wanted you here. In danger, on the border."

"I'm sorry, I should have protected you, it was my fault." She shakes her head "No, no it's not" and she hugs him, squeezing his body tightly. "You have to go back Steve, the others need you."

"Thanks for the encouragement, shithead." He responds in a raspy voice and smiles, but the seren expression on his face quickly contorts into a grimace. He is slowly regaining consciousness. Oh shit it was way better back there.

"Protect Lucas, for me. "

When he opens his eyes you are crouched by his side and still running your fingers through his hair. Steve seems to relax slightly as you do it. Near you, El is whispering something to the boy that Hopper can barely hear, with outstretched hand, a small trickle of nosebleed, a determined expression as she slowly tries to draw the black venom out of his body, distinguishing the poison and the blood. Still, the blood gushes anyway, and you begin to fear that he will bleed to death if she continues like this.

"It's going to be okay. Breath. In, out. In out. Breath. In, out. In, out." El says each phrase many times to Steve. When he turns to her, looking into his scared black eyes, she can read a request "Make it end. Let me go". Suddenly Eleven is angry, she remembers all the people she's lost along the way - the ones who died, the ones who are still there but they really aren't- she rememberes tears, brokenhearted people, misery and then she lets out a scream so loud you get the feeling it might break the earth. "Leave him alone!" And with a gesture, the black liquid slug quickly out of the boy's body, his eyes return to a human color, the tub fills with thick poison, and no sound comes out of Steve Harrington's wide-open mouth. You call his name, in the chaos of moments that appear to you as long as eternal hours. When El drops beside you, Steve's body limps back into the tub, sliding underwater. You are immediately by him, grab him by the shoulders and pull him, bringing out his head from the filthy liquid so he can finally breathe and you don't even realize you've pushed Hopper away when the man was ready to help you.

Steve is not breathing, his now pale and clean face is cold and still, blue shades on the lips and cheeks. There's is nothing vaguely alive about him, nothing about the guy you know and love. He is an empty shell which you keep shaking as you start crying desperately, your face contorted, bile in your throat. You've never felt so much pain before, it 's like every part of you body is breaking. You feel like you're falling down from a skyscraper. Joyce's delicate hands pull you back and you let her do it, unable to resist, feeling your bones become liquid, unable to support you anymore. It can't be true, it can't be true because even in the worst moments, even as he pushed you away in a desperate attempt to keep you safe from him, you thought it was going to be Steve and Y/N. Together. Safe. You've imagined so many times the two of you old, one under the arm of the other, ready to go visiting Robin or Dustin or some of the kids, him leaning on a stick, you with big round glasses.

Hopper holds Steve Harrington's icy body in his arms and pulls him out of the water. You look around only to see the despair on your friends' faces. Robin is sitting on the floor, arms encircling her legs in a solitary hug, blue eyes red with tears are fixed on the figure of her friend. Her Platonic soulmate. Dead. Dustin is motionless, standing trembling while a hole reopens in his chest and the last part of his heart is ripped away. Hopper and Eleven are next to Steve, not ready to give up on him. "Come on boy." Hopper sets him on the ground while Dustin finds the strength to pass him a large towel to be able to warm him up. You can't help but think that maybe there is nothing more to warm up as you let yourself be lulled into Joyce Byers' embrace, clinging with your nails to her clothes, desperate. "Please please please please.I... I c-an't lo-se him Joyce I can't."

"I know darling." The woman's crying too.

Eleven is angry, her eyes shine with determination and she has a hand resting on Steve's chest, you don't know what she's doing to him but you trust her. She lets her gaze fall on you. She has to save him.

The seconds pass and it's pure agony. Without even thinking about it, you have slowly crawled next to Steve's body and now you're crouched disperatly on him, forehead against his, nose to nose. "Breathe." You implore. "Just breathe for me"

Now you are sure, Eddie was right the day he told you: "I belived that if Hawkins was burning, you’d want to be by each other's side when it happened. The way you protect him is the clearest sign of undying true love that these cynical have seen." He smiled. "Wouldn’t you want to be with him if the world is going to end?

And yes, you would. And now the world in ending, and you must be there for him. The cold in his body is yours. The death that surrounds him is yours too. If he dies, you die tonight. Simple as that. When his heartbeat stops, yours cease too.

"Come back to me Steve" You cry in agony, caressing is soft skin. "Come back to me." You're sobbing loud and your entire body is trembling. There's no sound in your hears. As Eleven lets her hand fall on her side, wide smile on her face, you don't immediately understand whats happening. "I love you"

A moment later, with a deep breath and a cough, eyes wide open, there he is: back in your arms. Steve Harrington is back in the living world, searching for you while you are paralyzed from a wave of emotions that hits you hard. You crawl back, putting some space between you and his body while Hopper holds him in the attemp of warm him more and calm him down. "Y/N" His voice is raspy and small and you just want to cry more cause this time you have lost him, he was dead. Like really dead.

"Y/N". He repeats waiting for your reaction, tears streams down his checks too. All those years you've never seen him cry like this. Not even a word escapes your mouth as you throw yourself at him, your arms surrounding his body, feeling his breathing and his beating heart against your skin. "Don't you ever do something like that Steve. Don't you dare die on me. Ever." He nods, letting it all go in your arms, sobbing with is face hidden in your chest. "I can't be without you." He whispers. Then he stares at you, almost like he’s lost. He just stares at you without another word, his eyes telling you all you need to know. A million words seem to be said between the two of you in that one moment and then, his hand is slipping into your own, your gaze flickering down to look before meeting his eyes again.

He is with you and that's all that that matters.

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writingwithcolor · 3 years ago

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Desexualized Mammy & Strong Black Woman, too busy for “frivolous love”

“Alyse” (Anon Submission) asked:

My science fiction story includes a black woman (Talia) who raises two children that aren’t her own and takes on two young adults as apprentices. One of the children she is raises has Arabic background and was taken into her home upon his father’s death (his mother’s whereabouts are unknown). She was a close friend of his father and the closest thing he had to a relative. The second child has mixed French-Latinx background and was taken in after becoming shipwrecked with no means by which to contact her people. Talia was the first non-hostile individual she encountered and one of the few who would so openly embrace a stranger. Since Talia is Master Medic (the highest medical authority in her community) she is training two apprentices (think residency) and eventually mentors the second child as well. She was once married and passionately in love but lost her husband to illness. In this setting, some technology we take for granted is inaccessible and violence against their people is commonplace. Most have experienced sudden loss. This particular loss was the catalyst that drove Talia into medicine- a desire to protect her loved ones and prevent others from experiencing similar tragedy. She is usually kind (though businesslike) but sometimes succumbs to a frigid, furious depression when, despite all her knowledge and determination, she can’t save someone.

I worry that her maternal association with the two children (one of whom is an outsider) mires her in the mammy trope. On top of that, she hasn’t pursued romance since the death of her husband. I’ve considered giving her a romantic subplot but there are already so many characters to keep track of. Furthermore, I just can’t see her engaging in the frivolous pursuits of new love when she’s dealing with kids, students, and an extremely taxing career.

In terms of race and culture in this story, practically every character can trace their ancestry back to populations displaced through war. Even Talia’s second child was shipwrecked during a botched evacuation from a military science lab. The people who live here have been isolated for generations and no longer have a real concept of their ancestry. Cultures have blended, new religions have formed, and many of our familiar racial/ethnic issues are forgotten. However, new and different but equally toxic ones have replaced them. In this way, Talia’s blackness doesn’t carry the same associations in her world as it would in ours. However, readers may still make these associations. Do you see any issues with her character that I could amend?

So! You have:

A highly educated Black-coded woman (the highest medical authority in the community)

She raises two kids alone

She also looks after two apprentices

She is widowed (not sure the race of the husband, was he Black?)

Having experienced heartbreaking love, Talia's drive to look after, protect and save people through medicine is a great motivation for the way she is. Her experiencing depression and taking losses seriously is also very human and is dynamic characterization.

However, such characterization with Black women is prone to brush across several tropes. You have a Black woman who gives and protects, but what does she get in return? Who cares for her?

Prioritize your Black character’s happiness

"I’ve considered giving her a romantic subplot but there are already so many characters to keep track of. Furthermore, I just can’t see her engaging in the frivolous pursuits of new love when she’s dealing with kids, students, and an extremely taxing career."

Priorities, priorities. Is love a frivolous pursuit in her eyes, or yours? Because I strongly disagree. You probably don't mean to but you, as the author, having an excuse to NOT give the Black woman romance is showing that you do not think she's worth being loved. TV viewers and stans who are uncomfortable when Black women characters have relationships find similar excuses to explain away not wanting BW in relationships.

"She's too strong and independent for a man/relationship"

"I liked her better alone."

"It'll take away from her character."

“A romance doesn’t feel right for her”

These sorts of statements above are grounded in racialized misogyny.

Relationships do not lessen the woman.

Relationships does not lessen Black women.

Love

Whether that love is romantic, familial, or friendship, it can come in many forms. Give Talia love. Because Black women characters deserve it! Either one or all!

Let her have a loyal best friend, a cat, and a girlfriend. Because why not? And not to downplay the love of children to parents, but please provide her love beyond what she gets on a maternal level from the children she looks after.

The stories that Black women are in today severely lack love for us, so why add to the narrative of Black women being all work and no play, and too [insert excuse here] to be loved?

Of course, you didn't provide all the details from your story, but I'm not seeing much of a balance from the struggle. She is a caretaker, teacher, doctor (or doctor-like figure).

Her position and background in itself is okay. It's the Strong Black Woman being presented with seemingly no commentary that strikes me.

Where is her team to help balance the weight of the world?

Who takes care of her when she's depressed from another loss?

What does she get in return from taking an emotional and physical toll to heal her community?

Do those around her recognize all she does for them and offer their friendship?

When does she get to relax and turn off the need to be everything for everybody?

Fitting love into a book with many characters

There are many books with several characters to keep track of. People tend to manage. Also, I'm sure some of those characters are in and/or out of relationships. Even stories that couldn’t be classified as romances have relationships of some sort. It’s unrealistic to have a ton of characters and none of them be in relationship(s) of some sort. Not when there’s so many forms of it and many sexualities.

Friends, frenemies, enemies, romance, affairs.. Relationships make stories (and life) interesting. By no means do I think adding these dynamics harm your tale. And what’s one more for a hard-working Black woman who sacrifices a lot and clearly deserves a shoulder to lean on? And, if you use an existing character to be that friend, family, or lover, then you won’t need to pencil in another character.

For romance specifically - I think a misconception when it comes to including romance in stories is that they have to somehow take over the story. Romance does not have to bombard the plot nor be described in lavish detail. Not every story is a romance and those sort of details aren’t everyone’s style or things they’re comfortable with. A sentence or two establishing relationships does not take away from the story.And how those relationships look and affections expressed will vary based on the characters, sexuality, etc.

Not every character needs to have a deep level of detail.

“Katie and Lisa, a newly engaged couple, walked into the meeting.”

“Jack and Jamie are a married couple in their 40s.”

“The two met in college. After two months of blissful courtship, they eloped, eager to start their happily ever afters. Twenty years together, they were still blissfully in love and never too far from one another.”

Sentences like the above are enough for some characters. You don’t always need to put in paragraphs worth of relationship-establishing details or plot.

When it comes to the characters whose love you would like to highlight, at least a bit, you still don’t have to go over the top.

Use subtle details.

“As soon as Talia’s back was turned, he gave her a longing look before shaking his head and getting back to the patient.”

“He squeezed her hand before taking hold of the stethoscope.”

“She kissed her wife goodbye before racing out the door.”

“You mean the world to me.” he had said, holding her face. Those words stayed with her all day, making her heavy load light as a sack of feathers.

“She soaked his shirt with her tears and he just held her tight, saying nothing, silently holding her together.”

As for Talia specifically…

Talia having the mindset you described, as love being frivolous and not a priority, is understandable knowing her background (I just don't agree with you as the creator using this as a means to keep her alone. Whether she’s romantically alone or without close friendships). She has lost so much, and continues to experience loss with patients. This can be extremely traumatizing. I gave some examples of being subtle, so perhaps that will help with the burden of feeling a thick subplot of romance doesn’t fit in your story.

And as Talia doesn’t strike me as someone who would go looking for companionship, what if she stumbles upon it without trying? Is there someone on the medical team that can offer her friendship? Someone who admires her and feels the urge to care for her that she feels the same for, or has pushed feelings down for? What happens when she can’t hold those feelings down anymore?

Takeaway

Talia deserves healthy love, even if she doesn’t believe it or feel she has time for it. That love can come in any and many forms, not necessarily romantically required, although it is a plus. A struggle-ridden novel is balanced by love, support and rest for characters that hold the weight of the world. If you do not, evaluate why you want to write Black characters in these struggle roles without at least a social commentary.

~Mod Colette

#Black women #Strong Black Woman #Mammy #relationships #romance #asks

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