#I feel like the long lost family trope could have been used in so many other better ways
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A few more things I’ve learned about Trolls: Band Together from interviews:
- Velvet and Veneer are “evil 90s pop divas” and they’re siblings, not a couple
- the Trolls team had wanted to do a “long lost family” story since the first movie, but hadn’t planned on having it with Branch and several brothers (which, imo, is obvious because it doesn’t really make much sense, but w/e)
- to free their brother Floyd, who was kidnapped by Velvet & Veneer, Branch and his brothers have to “sing in perfect family harmony”
- a lot of the music is going to be covers from older boy bands, particularly from the 90s
- some of the new animation styles that will be featured include “psychedelic” 2D, textural and shadow puppetry. The 2D sequence shown in the first trailer was made by the same team (Titmouse Inc.) that made an iconic episode of Love, Death and Robots
#trolls#dreamworks trolls#trolls band together#txt#if I’m being honest this movie sounds like JT really inserted himself and is making the movie about his own musical life…#and I’m not really a huge fan of that#I think he’s having some sort of midlife crisis and is maybe trying to relive his glory days through trolls#and unfortunately the story might suffer because of it#I feel like the long lost family trope could have been used in so many other better ways#there’s just no way that JT didn’t heavily influence this decision#also why did I say Aspen . I meant Floyd 😭
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maybe i have been watching/reading too many period pieces but i’m kinda digging the whole forbidden love trope
like imagine princess reader and peasant schlatt (or vice versa) and they are so incredibly in love but they can’t let anybody know
OHMY GOD I JS GOT REMINDED OF A LITTLE THING I WROTE BACK IN MIDDLE SCHOOL N ILL USE IT HERE OMG
in your kingdom, alcohol was to say the least, taboo for royalty, it was a “peasant drink” and strictly forbidden for you.
you could never get a drink which would be fine if you didn’t have the curiosity to taste it. you just wanted a sip or two, not too crazy or anything.
you had gotten fed up one night, so you had waited until everyone in the castle had fallen asleep and snuck out. you had made sure to completely hide yourself and your identity, wearing peasant clothes and a large black cloak as you walked through the streets to a tavern.
for the first time, you had truly experienced freedom, drinking beer after beer and flirting with the handsome tavern keeper who kept on offering you free drinks.
somehow you had ended up drunk and in his house as he tried to sober you up.
he gently patted your back and held your hair as you threw up into the toilet. he brought you water and whatever else you needed to go through your first time drunk.
somehow, that had only helped make it a weekly occurrence.
you would visit the bar once a week, getting drunk and flirting with the keeper you had soon learned was schlatt. he told you how he had inherited the tavern from a wizard that lost to him in a gamble and decided to keep it.
he only spruced up the place a little and added drinks. you were interested in his stories and how he got to experience the world while you remained within the walls of your kingdom, never even getting to step close to the borders, but how you dreamed of it.
you were almost tempted to run away with him, to leave your life behind and run far away from the world you had long gotten bored of, a world full of manners and being proper, being perfect.
around schlatt you never had to be perfect, you could laugh and choke on drinks from how hard you laughed, you could get drunk and have fun.
the world you had grown so used to could wither and fade, become nothing and you wouldn’t care less as long as schlatt was there. he could ask you to leave everything you’ve ever known behind and go travel the world with him and you’d do it in a heartbeat.
you would go seeking adventure and joy, living life underneath the stars and skies. you could see the world.
but you knew you couldn’t.
your loyalties lie in ruling the kingdom, that’s what’s been engraved into you since you were born. you couldn’t humiliate your family by running off with a tavern keeper, despite it feeling right in your heart, you knew it would humiliate your family for generations to come.
you knew it would break their hearts if you up and left. not just that but the ridicule they would receive for their only daughter had chosen to elope with a peasant, much less one that sells alcohol.
you could leave with schlatt, never to be seen again and to enjoy your life as your heart desired, but if you did, it would be at the cost of your family.
so you would rather stick with sneaking out in the middle of the night, the secret kisses when no one else is around, the secrecy of schlatt’s home and what happens behind closed doors over permanently damaging your family.
while your kingdom could wither and die, your heart must, in order to help it prosper, to help the people you were born to protect.
it is what you must do
that doesn’t mean a stolen kiss or two can’t help your heart prosper
even just a little
#schlatt x reader#jschlatt x reader#jschlatt x you#jschlatt x y/n#schlatt x y/n#schlatt x you#jschlatt fluff#schlatt fluff#schlatt angst#jschlatt angst
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hongjoongspoetry's tumblr wrapped, 2024
Thank you @bvidzsoo for the tag!! 🩷
2024 review
2024 was the year I really got into writing for ateez. I've been writing fanfics since middle school and used to be in a lot of different fandoms. I used to post on wattpad, but was never consistent or managed to finish any of my stories. Ateez is the first group/fandom that I've really kept writing for a long period of time and not lost interest in, plus I've also managed to write complete oneshots and am almost even done with my first series (ever)!!!
Total statistics of 2024
- no. of fics: 8 - wc: 151.3K - no. of wips: 9
Genres explored in 2024
Horror, action, romance, dystopia, historical, sports fiction, slice of life, comedy, pirate fics (that one's in the drafts but it was written in 2024), can't forget the golden trio of fluff, smut and angst!!
first fic of 2024: Reassuring Words and Mellow Touches
- posted: feb 17th - pairing: Idol!San x F!Reader - comments: I believe this was my first ever ateez fic and it was actually "self indulgent" too. As stated in the author's note, I have a fear of giving birth and it's known in my primary family, but no one takes my fear seriously. So, back then, wrote the things I needed to hear in the moment and it was to have someone be understanding of my feelings.
longest fic: Bones, Blood and Teeth Erode
- posted: oct 8th - pairing: non idol!Yunho x F!Reader - comments: I never imagined to write something pushing 40k words!!! I'm actually amazed and proud of myself for finishing it. It was certainly a challenge as BBATE wasn't anything I've written before.
last fic: A Love Written in Gold | Chapter 1
- posted: nov 8th - pairing: Proletarian!Hongjoong x Nobility!Reader - comments: I'm so excited for this fic and everything I've planned for it!! I was originally not going to post it until Cold Hands, Warm Heart was done, but I couldn't hold myself from writing lmaooo.
top 3 most popular fics of 2024
Reassuring Words and Mellow Touches
- posted: feb 17th - pairing: Idol!San x F!Reader - comments: so this is getting quite repetitive 😭 it is what it is lmaoo, im just happy people could find comfort in my writing. Back then, I didn't expect it to get the attention it did or that people would reach out and tell me how much they feel seen.
Too Sweet
- posted: apr 24th - pairing: Upcoming rockstar!Yunho x F!Reader - comments: This fic is entirely inspired by Hozier's Too Sweet. I was obsessed with that song when it came out and I think I listened to it on REPEAT. I just had to write a fic to it and at the time, it was the longest fic I had eve written!
Baby, Love Me Lights Out
- posted: sep 21st - pairing: Idol!San x GN!Reader - comments: okay so this one, I just wrote it for shits and giggles 😭 that was the day I learned just how much atiny love drunken san lmaooo.
mina's personal picks
Cold Hands, Warm Heart
- posted: jun 3rd - pairing: hockey player!mingi x figure skater!reader - comments: this is my fav fic (series) from 2024! I've always wanted to do an ice sports fanfic, but never really had the time nor like "knowledge" to do it when I was younger lmao. I have so many ideas for this fic and this universe overall because the other boys will have their own stories later on, so they are all connected!! AND we get small cameos/easter eggs in each series of what the other boys' fics will be about! Although there are a lot of readers who liked CHWH, I'm still a bit sad it didn't get more recognition as I did put in a lot of thought behind it, but I'm still happy its almsot done. Mainly because it's my first ever series and well, I just love the characters I've created
A Love Written in Gold
- posted: oct 8th - pairing: Proletarian!Hongjoong x Nobility!Reader - comment: Okay, so season 3 of bridgerton really sparked this idea of writing a bridgerteez fanfic and I just had to write something for my bias! I'm a sucker for the forbidden love trope so this was the perfect fic to use it for lmaooo. No, but this is also a fic I have so so so much to planned for and I really can't wait to share it with you!! It's also really fun to write, which I can say I don't feel the same for some fics. If you have time and love bridgerton, I advice you to give it a chance!
2025 goals
One of my goals for 2025 is to write more and publish more fics than I did in 2024, but I don't know if I will achieve it as I'm swimming in work from uni hahah. If not, then I at least wish to finish my series cold hands, warm heart and a love written in gold before 2025 ends. I also want to start writing the next instalment Puzzle Pieces!
No pressure tags: @ennysbookstore @solaris-amethyst @seongwars @desirehorizon @everyonewooeverywhere + anyone else who wants to do this! 🩷
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Group Ask #213
Relevant links to find lost fic
previous group asks - feel free to browse them!
spnstoryfinders
Guide to Finding Fic
Guide to Finding Lost Fic
PSA - Save Your Faves!
Lost and Found fic posts - when mods knew the answer!
when looking for fics similar to the ones you have read, check out our Fics like X Reference Post and Fics like X Tag
Before sending in a lost fic ask, please check out our Tags Page and see if the fic in question could be found under some plot/ trope/ pairing related tag! Big thanks to all followers who do check the tags before sending in the ask!!! Our anon is switched off for good but you can always ask for your url to be withhold either on the lost ask or the answer re fic. <333
And even bigger thanks to all folks who help us to find lost fics! You guys are the real MVPs!!!
Ask #1 ( @miraculousfailure): there’s this fic…#1
I’m looking for a fic where Dean is dating Lisa and they move into a house with Ben next to Cas who is married with a kid and a baby on the way. Dean and Cas immediately become best friends. I believe that his wife ends up dying after giving birth. She is a painter in the fic. Dean and Cas get matching tattoos in it at one point. The fic is pretty long. Probably 100k+. Would appreciate finding this so much! Found by @chiops256 and @caseyjw1973! So it Goes by raiseyourpinky [NC-17, 236,500 word count] Dean Winchester has finally bought his white picket fence dream house for his girlfriend Lisa and their son Ben. On top of living in the perfect neighborhood, they now have the best neighbors, the Novaks. Castiel and Amelia Novak are awaiting their first baby, Claire. They’re in love and are not afraid to show it. When their new neighbors move in next door, they become practically family. It feels as though nothing could ruin the ultimate domestic bliss Dean and Castiel have achieved. Until it all goes to hell. Then the two of them will be the only ones left to pick up all of the broken pieces and keep each other moving forward. Dean and Castiel soon realize that the only thing stronger than tragedy and pain is the love that they have for each other. Unfortunately, the fic has been deleted by the author.
Ask #2 ( @loveagoodstory2 ): there’s this fic…#2
Hello I’m looking for a one shot please. Dean is an omega and works the night shift in an office building. He smells Cas scent and loves it they start leaving notes for each other and Cas leaves Dean his tie (scented by him Completely 😉) Found by @caseyjw1973! Scent of an Accountant by Andromytta, nealinor [NC-17, 7,000 word count] Omega Dean Winchester has taken a temporary position as a security guard in a high rise office building. His first night on the job, he finds one particular office suffused with a scent that fascinates him. Fascination builds and soon Dean crosses into the office space of an unknown alpha. The one thing he didn't consider: what would happen when the alpha scents him in return.
Ask #3 (Anon 1 ): there’s this fic…# 3
I'm looking for a fic where Dean and Cas first meet while having a threesome with Lisa -- there's a followup fic where Dean and Cas reunite after many years, with Dean now out of the closet and eager to pursue a relationship with Cas. It was on AO3, though not sure if it's still there. Found by @kazshero and @chiops256! Light Me Up series by tricia_16 [NC-17, 219,000 word count, 3 parts] Summary of the part 1 - In a desperate attempt to save his dying relationship with Lisa, Dean Winchester agrees to invite another man into their bedroom. He’s always considered himself to be completely straight... so why does being with this Cas guy feel so good?
Other requests
Ask #4 - our follower is looking for a possibly deleted fic, “Castiel Takes Care of Dean Winchester” by asexualclassicist on AO3.
Ask #5 - our follower is looking for a possibly deleted fic, “I’ve got a Bad Case of Lovin’ you” by HigherMagic.
Ask #6 - our follower is looking for a possibly deleted fic “Castiel’s Scars” by Martypom.
Ask #7 - our follower is looking for a possibly deleted fic "Hell On Wheels" [M, 34,750 word count]
It takes a village to find a lost fic, every reblog is appreciated! All 3 fics have been found!!! Great job, team!
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i think the blast was orchestrated by the farspace fleet/ever or whatever.
someone mentioned that the flash of light from the car is a common trope in espionage movies that indicate the character is being warned or signalled secretly with headlights. so it’s likely that they were signalling that time was running out for the blast.
he walks in and i think his evol likely can move shrapnel and therefore he’d be able to create a force field of sorts around him to reduce the damage from the blast. or he got into a secret bunker. (if he used his evol it could explain that he still got injured and lost his arm. if not, maybe he always had the bionic arm bc of experiments done on him)
mc was unconscious so she wouldn’t have noticed and if the govt is involved it could’ve been a cover up. i think it’s no coincidence that he’s a high ranking military officer and mysteriously “died” and reappeared. it’s obvious it was always a coverup to begin with and that perhaps he’d been playing the role of “bestie mc grew up with/gege” for a very long time as a way to stay close and keep an eye on her. maybe grandma had finally defected and needed to be eliminated but caleb was still loyal to the govt. i think unbeknownst to mc, the three of them were never a family. they didn’t always have her best interests in mind but grandma changed her mind as time went on and when word got out, they decided to eliminate her.
I spoke about my conspiracy theory around Caleb many times before but I think this was definitely set up. He's military, and now we know that he's a HIGH RANKING officer at that, so they wouldn't send him into a blast without any way to protect himself
The main thing is that he came home EARLY, so I feel like they sent him there to investigate
And he had to know it was coming and either was prepared to protect himself with his evol or he had some kind of device that could create wormholes for him to escape through
But I also like the idea of current Caleb being a clone with his old memories on a chip in his head
This would explain his absence and it would explain how there were two bodies
If Caleb really loved MC, I don't think he would spend a whole year pretending to be dead. If his new body was going through some kind of incubation period and his memories needed to be loaded into his brain, I feel like it would be much more interesting than saying "he used his evol to survive and hide from his enemies"
We need more sci fi elements in this game
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Hello! I come bearing a fanfiction request.
Can you please do familial fluff with Everlark, like reader is the sister of Peeta and Katniss is learning to warm up to her after everything happened?
I’ve just never seen this dynamic and it sounds really sweet 😭
Meeting for the holidays.🎄
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- Cw: A Christmas story, found family, baking, gifts, ptsd. Bad spelling 🤗
I’m sorry this is so long !!! This fic was really fun too write cause it was a bit challenging BUT I LOVE THIS TROPE!!
It was Christmas Day, and you were planning on meeting your brother’s wife… or fiancé? You weren’t entirely sure what their relationship was anymore, given how much of it had been staged for the cameras. Either way, you were determined to make the best of the holiday. Still, a nervous pit lingered in your stomach. Your dad liked Katniss, but your mom? She had always been a bit wary.
“Need any help in here?” Peeta’s voice broke the silence as he entered the kitchen, a bag of flour in hand. He gave you a small, warm smile.
You were about to say yes, mostly because you really could use some help, but your mom’s sharp tone cut you off.
“Peeta, leave her to it,” your mom snapped, glaring in your direction before shooting a pointed look at Peeta. “You’ll only burn something.”
You knew her words weren’t entirely fair. Peeta used to burn the bread on purpose, a small act of rebellion in a life that hadn’t afforded him many choices. Still, your mom’s disapproval hung in the air, thick and heavy.
“It’s okay,” you said quickly, meeting your brother’s eyes with a reassuring smile. “Thanks for the extra flour.”
He nodded, setting the bag down on the counter. “I’ll go check on Katniss, see if they’re still coming.”
“We should have everything ready by the time you get back,” you assured him, kneading the dough with steady hands, the rhythm calming your nerves.
Peeta gave you one last smile before slipping out of the room. You turned your attention back to the task at hand, the quiet of the kitchen interrupted only by the soft crackle of the fire in the other room.
The dough was soft under your hands as you worked it, the faint smell of cinnamon and cloves hanging in the air. You’d been at this since the early morning, determined to make everything perfect. This was the first Christmas since the war ended, and though the scars—physical and emotional—still lingered, you hoped this day could bring some much-needed warmth.
“Do you think they’ll like it?” you asked, breaking the silence.
Your mom paused her work beside you, her hands steady as she arranged the cranberry sauce on a serving dish. “Who, Katniss?” she asked, her voice neutral.
“Yeah,” you admitted. “I don’t really know her. I mean, Peeta talks about her like she’s the best thing that ever happened to him, but… I just don’t want her to feel out of place.”
Your mom’s lips pressed into a thin line. “I’m sure she’ll be fine,” she said curtly, but you could tell from the tightness in her jaw that she wasn’t convinced.
You sighed, not wanting to push the issue. Katniss was a complicated topic in your family. To you, she was a distant figure, someone you’d only seen on TV screens during the Hunger Games broadcasts or fleetingly during her and Peeta’s Victory Tour. To Peeta, she was clearly much more—a partner, an anchor, someone who’d stood by him through unimaginable horrors. But to your mom, Katniss seemed like a reminder of everything Peeta had suffered, everything your family had lost.
The sound of the front door opening snapped you out of your thoughts. You wiped your hands on a dish towel and leaned toward the doorway, trying to catch a glimpse of your brother and his… whatever Katniss was to him.
“Mom, Y/N!” Peeta’s voice called out, and a moment later, he appeared, Katniss trailing behind him. She looked smaller than you expected, her posture stiff and wary. Her dark hair was tucked into a loose braid, and she clutched a modestly wrapped gift in her hands.
“Hi,” you said, offering her a smile.
“Hi,” Katniss replied softly. Her eyes darted around the kitchen as if she were bracing for some kind of attack.
“Katniss, welcome,” your mom said, her tone polite but clipped. She wiped her hands on her apron and nodded toward the table. “Peeta, why don’t you help her put her things down?”
Peeta guided Katniss to the living room, but you noticed the way she hesitated, almost as if she didn’t trust the space around her. It was subtle, but you’d learned to notice the small signs—how someone’s hands twitched when they were nervous, the way their breathing quickened when they were overwhelmed.
“She’s skittish,” your mom muttered under her breath, shaking her head.
“She’s been through a lot,” you replied, your voice firmer than you intended. “We all have.”
Your mom didn’t say anything, but the silence between you spoke volumes. You returned to the dough, hoping the repetitive motion would ease the tension creeping into your chest.
A little while later, Peeta wandered back into the kitchen. “Katniss offered to help,” he said, glancing between you and your mom.
“Sure,” you said quickly, not wanting to make her feel unwelcome.
Peeta left, and a moment later, Katniss stepped into the kitchen, looking uncertain. “Peeta said you needed help,” she said.
“Yeah, you can help me with the cookies,” you said, gesturing to the tray beside you. “They’re just sugar cookies, but I thought we could decorate them later.”
Katniss nodded and moved to the counter, her movements deliberate as she picked up a rolling pin. For a while, the two of you worked in silence, the only sounds the gentle clatter of utensils and the soft hum of the oven.
“You’re good at this,” you said, trying to break the ice.
Katniss gave a small shrug. “Prim used to like baking,” she said quietly. Her voice caught on the mention of her sister’s name, and you felt a pang of guilt for bringing it up.
“I’m sorry,” you said.
She shook her head, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. “It’s okay. She would have liked this.”
Something in her tone softened, and you saw a flicker of the person Peeta always described.
By the time the cookies were in the oven, Katniss seemed more at ease. She even cracked a small smile when you showed her the lopsided snowman you’d made out of leftover dough.
When the cookies were done, Peeta came in to help decorate, his hands steady as he piped intricate patterns onto the icing. Katniss tried her hand at it too, though her designs were simpler—little stars and hearts that still looked beautiful in their own way.
As the evening wore on, the house slowly filled with laughter and warmth. Even your mom seemed to relax a bit, though she still watched Katniss with a critical eye.
When it came time to exchange gifts, Katniss surprised you by handing you a small, carefully wrapped package. Inside was a silver necklace with a delicate charm in the shape of a mockingjay.
“I thought you might like it,” she said, her voice shy but sincere.
“It’s beautiful,” you said, your throat tightening.
For the first time, you saw a hint of a smile that reached her eyes.
————
#petta#Peeta Mellark#Mellark#peeta mellark fanfiction#katniss everdeen#katniss#katniss fanfic#thg fanfic request#thg series#the hunger games
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romance tropes|zb1
synopsis: zb1 members as different romance tropes !
tags: member x gn!reader, fluff, suggestive (only jiwoong and taerae), mostly just cute shit!, hao's one is a little morally questionable, gunwook is only one year younger than yn, not proofread
word count: 725 in total
a/n: helloo. i came up with these last night. i tried to use different tropes than what others have done to keep it interesting! don't date your friends' exes, okay bye.
my playlist while writing: polaris by chen!! it's so so good
kim jiwoong as the rebound
you and your ex broke up about three weeks ago
few of your friends had convinced you to go clubbing with them so you could forget about your ex
that’s when you met jiwoong
the two of you clicked well and eventually one thing led to another…
he could tell you still had someone else in your heart but he assured you he didn’t mind as he kissed you
you still wished jiwoong could someday be more than just a rebound…
zhang hao as the best friend’s ex
everyone knows friends’ exes are off limits
but the way zhang hao’s eyes were following your every move was making you feel some type of way
even in a packed up party, it felt like it was just the two of you in the room
you longed for him and he must have felt the same way about you
sometimes you wondered if you had anything to do with your friend’s break up
and how mad she will be if you were to leave the party with hao tonight…
sung hanbin as the sibling’s babysitter
your practice was cut short and you were able to go home much earlier than usual
what you didn’t realize was that hanbin would still be at your house babysitting your little sister
hanbin might have been the nicest and prettiest person you’ve ever met
but sadly you never really got the opportunity to get to know him
maybe tonight that could change as you tucked your sister to bed…
seok matthew as the brother’s best friend
going to a ski lodge during the winter break has been one of your family’s traditions for a long time
your parents had always let you to bring a friend to the trip, but this year none of yours could make it
so you had found yourself hanging out with your brother’s best friend matthew a lot
one fateful night that involved hot choco and few sweet kisses seemed to change everything
but what happens at the ski lodge stays at the ski lodge, right?
kim taerae as the best friend you hooked up with
you and taerae had basically grown up together
you’ve experienced many things together over the years but you never thought you’d ever wake up in his arms without any clothes on
the events of the previous night were coming back to your mind
after many shots of alcohol and a make out session on the back seat of a taxi, you two had ended in taerae’s apartment – into his bed
was this the start of something new or just a drunken mistake?
shen ricky as the city boy in your small town
you’ve grown up in a small town where everyone knows everyone
so it wasn’t hard for you to notice the young man amongst the familiar faces
he seemed lost and out of place with his clean white button up and expensive black sunglasses
you soon found out the man's name was ricky and he was the grandson of one of your neighbours
to say you were intrigued was an understatement
maybe this handsome stranger could be your next summer love?
kim gyuvin as the flirty customer at your coffee shop
working as a barista was pretty exhausting
but there was at least something or rather someone that made your work a little more fun
a boy by the name of gyuvin came to your coffee shop almost daily and it was always the highlight of your day (but don’t tell him that)
he’d come in with his friends to study but would spend majority of his time staring at you
“anything else with your drink?” “maybe your number?”
you might as well give it to him one day…
park gunwook as the best friend’s (little) brother
you’ve always thought that you only liked gunwook in a little brother type of way
but ever since you both entered high school, you couldn’t help but to look at him differently
he had grown up nice, quite literally as he now towered over you
one day you found a love letter in your locker that was signed by him
your best friend only teased you about the blush that had creeped into your cheeks
you’ll take it as a sign that you had your best friend's approval…
- end
#zerobaseone#zb1#zb1 jiwoong#zerobaseone jiwoong#kim jiwoong#kim jiwoong x reader#kim jiwoong fic#zb1 zhang hao#zerobaseone zhang hao#zhang hao#zhanghao#zhang hao fic#zhang hao x reader#zb1 hanbin#zerobaseone hanbin#sung hanbin#sung hanbin x reader#sung hanbin fic#zb1 matthew#zerobaseone matthew#seok matthew#seok matthew x reader#seok matthew fic#zb1 taerae#zerobaseone taerae#kim taerae#kim taerae x reader#kim taerae fic#zb1 ricky#zerobaseone ricky
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AO3 Writer 20 Questions
Saw @thatonebirdwrites answer these questions focused on AO3 writers and thought it'd be fun to answer them too!
1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship/fandom?
Day dreaming, music, and other media (books, movies, TV series).
2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?
This is the main question I wanted to answer because I wanted to just praise people and share their works!
A_M_Nicholson since I really adore their AUs and amazing vibes you get from their settings. The characters are always so interesting and they're able to maintain the characters' personalities and traits even though they are in an AU.
RaeDMagdon since her stories introduced me to omegaverse. She also cranks out solid works consistently and it's extremely impressive and admirable.
Xaibaugrove's writing makes you feel things through her words. Each chapter, paragraph, and even sentence is so well thought out and her story telling is to die for. Plus the depth and details she goes into for the surroundings is beautiful and immersive.
Tabsbee writes for Genshin Impact and I adore her style of writing and the modern AU settings she uses. Everything she posts is a banger. Plus they feed my need for more JeanLisa stories!
AnotherShotofBourbon was one of the first fic writers I ever read in the korrasami fandom. They started a series of soulmate AUs and I adore them so much! Their new works are also just as exciting!
Velvet95 has super unique and fun AUs. They're working on their sequel to a galactic sci-fi story that they had created a while ago and just as the first part, it's super enjoyable and creative!
AsamiOnTop has a behemoth of a fic (I think almost 300k words) and it's such a fun read. I loved seeing her growth from chapter 1 to the ending and it's always so admirable seeing people wrap up long fics like hers!
kittymannequin is another OG korrasami writer that inspired me to write fics myself. Whether her stories are for TLOK or Arcane or another fandom, it's always a delight to read.
tumblr blogs: @raedmagdon @xaibaugrove @tabsbee @abronzeagegod @kittymannequin @asamiontop
3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?
There's a handful but here are the ones that come to mind; Vi & Caitlyn from Arcane, Jean & Lisa & Beidou & Clorinde from Genshin Impact.
4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?
I lean away from tropes that delve into Family dynamics. Mainly pregnancy since I actually don't like babies...
5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?
Get an idea
Jot down a rough plan
Start writing and stray instantly from the plan
Get a new plot bunny and fight with myself whether to continue what I've written or scrap it for a new shiny story
Obviously the 4th step is where things become truly cursed.
6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?
Since I write so many AUs, the world building aspects are my favorite.
7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?
I've had to research a lot of things... but the weirdest usually revolve around bodily injuries or time period research to keep things as accurate as possible when needed. If you need to know how to prepare opium like they did in the 1800s... I got you.
8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?
Grammar 100%. But I also think breaking grammar rules are okay for vibes, bruh.
9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?
It's one I'm currently working on and have been for years. It's the next chapter of Start Again and I'm struggling to progress the story in a way that I like. I've written and scrapped it so many times that I've lost count at this point.
10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?
All the time...
11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?
It'd have to be Korra. She's got such a special spot in my heart that I don't think I could choose anyone else.
12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?
College AUs just keep coming back even when I think I've had enough of them.
13) What's your most important resource as a writer?
Other books. I don't have a book in particular, but just reading other books and fics is helpful. I've also joined a local writer's guild that has been helpful too!
14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?
I read/mumble my stories aloud to myself to see if things come out clunky. I also have a wonderful partner that betas the majority of my stories and I couldn't be more grateful for her.
15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?
SUMMARY. God damn, I will spend more time on a fucking summary than the story. I will also be lazy at times and just copy and paste an excerpt if I'm at a real loss.
16) How do you define success for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?
A huge factor for me is if I personally like it, BUT hits/kudos/comments are always appreciated. The goal is to share my stories with people and for them to enjoy their time reading, so it's always nice to receive all of those. I don't gauge much off of bookmarks since I often write explicit fics, which tend to be privately bookmarked or not bookmarked at all.
17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character/ship?
I make playlists for stories/chapters. I don't do them individually for characters. I wouldn't be surprised if I have 50 or so playlists for my writing though.
18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?
When it comes to the story, I'd want the artist to do art for one that resonates with them. One that somehow inspires them. And oh man, when it comes to specific artists, I'm not sure since there are so many amazing ones. I've recently been inspired by @seijousai and am writing a story inspired by their Clorivia art. @ppyuuingles art is super wholesome and adorable. I love their JeanLisa stuff. I also have always adored @persnickety-doodles style of drawing when it comes to Korrasami. In the past I had the pleasure to collaborate with @unii-outlawed and later commissioned her. If you don't know her, then definitely check out her stunning artwork! Other amazing artists that deserve a follow are @ttanaart, @kf1n3, and @mimiendos (follow their twitter).
19) How many WIPs do you currently have?
Erm... posted on AO3 there's 20 unfinished stories BUT I also have over 100 completed ones. As for the WIPs that are written and not posted... that's also probably in the 20s. It goes back to all of the plot bunnies that I get and the battles I lose which results in partially written stories.
20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?
Write what you want. Even if you feel that it may be niche there'll definitely be people out there that will read and enjoy it!
#long post#ao3#writer#writers#fanfiction#writing#archive of our own#korrasami#tlok#arcane#caitvi#genshin impact
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ARC REVIEW: The Mistress Experience by Scarlett Peckham
4.5/5. Releases 6/25/2024.
vibes: courtesan-ing, sexually inexperienced hero, TRUE opposites attract, people with secret hearts that they don't want to unveil but oh no now they're in love
Heat Index: 7.5/10.
Thais Magdalene is a famous, coveted courtesan, known for spending no more than one night with each client. She enjoys her job, and she's great at it, yet she holds a secret desire to settle down with a man who loves her and have a family. To support a charity for women's rights, she auctions off 30 days in her bed. Shockingly, the buyer is Alistair Eden, a polite lord known for following all the rules. But Alistair has a secret: he's inexperienced in bed, and doesn't know how to please a woman--an issue he wants to correct before he marries to have an heir. As Thais and Alistair spend their month together, they both know it's meant to end forever as soon as time is up. Yet in one another, they find their true selves...
uGH I LOVED THIS. It's so good. So emotional, so funny, so hot, so different from your average historical romance. One thing I love about Scarlett Peckham is that she clearly loves and fully embraces historicals and their tropes, while also seeking to explore them in fun, original ways.
Here, she hits on several things you don't often see in the genre: a sex worker who really isn't traumatized by her profession; a hero who isn't a virgin but also really... doesn't know what to do in bed; and feminism that feels quite honest, and doesn't preclude the heroine longing for a somewhat traditional family life. There's a lot of hugging in this one, and I felt hugged by the book.
Also like. Hot.
Quick Takes:
--I knew I'd love Thais--I so enjoy a bawdy, sex-positive heroine who's secretly hiding a wounded heart--but Alistair was more of a question mark for me. I think I very much expected a Soft Boi uwu type hero, and while those can be done well... They often aren't.
To me, Scarlett did a great job of making Alistair vulnerable, caring, and sweet... while keeping his backbone and his flaws. Alistair is stuffy! He is a snob! He needs to get that stick out of his ass! And yes, he does make a grovel-worthy misstep at one point (and I did love the outcome).
The story would've been a lot less interesting if Scarlett had used "sexually inexperienced and genteel" to equal "has no flaws and is a little baby man". Because also? Alistair is pushing forty. This is a grown man, and I appreciated that the story treated him like a grown (hot) man.
--Another thing I appreciated was how the book handled sex positivity. It's extremely sex positive. However, there is never a sense that Alistair should fuck more people to make up for lost time (he's not a virgin, but he hasn't slept with many people and it's been a long time for him). As clear as it is that there's nothing wrong with Thais having a high body count, there's also nothing wrong with Alistair being the type of guy for whom intimacy is important during sex, and who really doesn't need to have sex with a lot of people, so much as he needs to have sex with the right person.
Going back to his age, I also liked the sense that it's like... never too late to learn how to be good in bed. And he does have to learn. But more on that later.
--I've found that a lot of feminist historical romances really focus on like... the heroine wanting "more" than a family. And I get that. There's a lot of books that have a more traditional route, you need to buck the system, you have to follow your heroine's path. I'm childfree. I don't think it's necessary for heroines to want a more conventional life. In both of the other books in this series, the heroines didn't really settle down into conventional family lives, and I enjoyed them.
However, I so liked that for Thais, both things could be true. She could have a life as a sex worker that, while certainly not without its bad points, wasn't really like... her primary issue, exactly? Like, it was and it wasn't, but you don't see these grand depictions of violence and trauma I think you often see in historicals centering sex worker heroines. Anyway, she does ENJOY her job.
At the same time, she could want to marry and have three or four kids. She's allowed to love babies and want, most of all, to be loved by her husband and raise her children. She can be a feminist and want those things. It made her feminism much more real to me, to be honest. Thais never felt like a heroine who was written to be Strong for the sake of being Strong. Her warm, gooey center is very clear to the reader from the front, and when Alistair begins to see through her front and recognize the real her... OH DUDE. READER. I COULD NOT.
--Because the book does have a lot of those moments, right? Moments where Alistair is falling in love with this woman, so hard, and sees what she's really scared of. Moments too, when Thais sees into Alistair's true vulnerabilities, his need to be perfect at all things holding him back from happiness (which... oof, real).
I'm not always down for super cuddly books, but these two are literally so cuddly. A through-line is them just like. Luxuriating in hugging one another. It's so lovely and intimate without sex.
That said, there is a lot of sex, and dude. It is GOOD.
The Sex:
So, the thing with Alistair is a thing I hardly ever see in romances AS AN EXPLICITLY CALLED OUT CONTINUOUS ISSUE. However, it's a thing that absolutely works for me as a reader. He just gets too excited, guys! And then went it Happens too soon, he's so bummed and angry with himself! It's a vicious cycle!
I actually really loved how this book dealt with the pressure some men (in fact, some of the legitimately decent men who care about their partners' pleasure, too) feel to be these amazing lovers. Especially in a romance hero, who is inherently supposed to be this amazing lover. Like, Alistair just wants to impress people and be good at everything, and he is naturally good at everything except for this one thing.
However, being kinda shitty in bed doesn't mean you have to STAY that way, and yay for a novel that shows that sex is something you learn! Listen, I'm down for the well-done virgin hero books wherein the guy is immediately amazing at it. Some of my favorite books feature that. But this is a refreshing change of pace.
The novel also gets into like... How sex is sometimes enjoyable without an orgasm, and how much orgasms can be connected to your mental presence? There's just some really interesting stuff done here regarding how Thais in particular experiences pleasure, and the difference between a Thais that lets go and a Thais that doesn't.
Getting into the brass tax: you get a good amount of p in v, handies, oral on both sides, different positions, the works. I kinda wish there had been some butt stuff, as I feel Alistair could've used a bit of that.... but Scarlett makes up for that by including One Thing You Don't Usually See in Romance. I think I've read one other book that DEFINITELY featured it, and it was a dark romance.
Anyway, I really loved this book and totally recommend it. A very sweet, very sexy, very romantic story about lovers coming to truly know each other, with a great "BABY I MISS YOU" moment on top of it.
Thanks to NetGalley and Avon for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
#romance novel blogging#arc reviews#netgalley#book reviews#book recs#romance novels#books#so excited for everyone to read this!#it's THAT good
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Hi lovely!! 🫶🏻 for the ask meme: 3,4,21 and 22!
These are kind of long answers so I'll put it under a cut!
Fandom/fanfic asks
3. All-time favorite pairing?
At the risk of sounding extremely cheesy……… I think probably the ship that's just my wol x my partner's wol :3 They are evergreen to me (to us both really!) and we made them to play through msq together when living apart (the game was not new to me but I started over so we could go through it together) and to this day it's the main thing keeping us talking about ffxiv and playing it together!! My partner is really private about their OCs so I haven't posted art of them or talked about them publicly in a long while but I think they probably are my favorite of all time 🥰
4. Pairing that makes no sense to you?
Prefacing this with only love and kindness to people who do like this ship, genuinely, not being shady at all! But!! I don't get Estinien/Vrtra as a ship 😅 Don't try to explain it to me, I've heard all the things already, I know why people ship it! But I disagree with the interpretation of the characters and their dynamic. And I know you're probably thinking "aha it's because you like estimeric actually 🧐" but no, I ship Estinien with all sorts of characters besides Aymeric, it's more that I really really like Vrtra and I think in order to ship him in the way people ship him with Estinien, you have to disregard some key elements of Vrtra's character (and on occasion Estinien's character too, but it's usually Vrtra getting flattened in my experience) and I super don't like that 😩
Again, no hate at all to people who like it! I'm happy for you and support you!! I just don't get it and I don't think I ever will, but I'm happy for y'all!! I just can recognize it's not for me and doesn't spark joy in these characters I care very much about, so, I don't ever talk about it or interact with that ship.
Real missed potential for more platonic stuff with them-- Estinien lost his whole family and it changed him fundamentally, you don't think he's talking about that with Vrtra while they're searching for Azdaja? Be so serious!! I've wanted to write a fic about that for a very long time but haven't gotten around to it yet. One day maybe!
21. Favorite fic trope?
I am a simple woman, I love a good mutual pining. I want them to be so oblivious yet so infatuated it's causing them physical pain!! Maybe it's because I'm a lesbian and we are often so bad at discerning feelings in our romantic interest(s) and also quick to dismiss the signs that are there and admonish ourselves, but gosh, that's just so delicious to me. Maybe that's why I've been able to write so much in my slowburn fic lol just shaking them by the shoulders!! Biting my hand!! You know!!
22. Least favorite fic trope?
Oh I don't know… All hurt; no comfort? Infidelity? Break-ups? Kidfics where the kids are biological? I don't know how often these things are done since I truthfully don't read many fics, but I know they are hard no's for me whenever I've come across them. Again, all my love to people who enjoy them, it's just not my cup of tea.
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7 and 18!
TRUTHFUL TUESDAY
7. what’s one thing you could improve on?
Well, thanks to you and one other person for speaking up, I am working on improving the flow of my replies better, so they aren't as disjointed between the dialogue and actions of my muses. (/pos I just realized this might have come across sarcastic and it's not meant to be that way! x_x). I am hoping to improve on that, anyway, I'm really trying!
One other area I could improve outside of that is - I think I need to work on focusing more on creating bonds between muses and less on like, storybuilding, at least initially, if that makes sense. Being completely candid, I got used to having to build all the storylines and plots and everything myself over time because it has been a real struggle for me finding people to rp with, and I feel like... in many cases in threads, I've been the one who has to lead the thread. I'm trying to word that as carefully as possible because I don't want to feel like I'm putting anyone down or anything.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, because I feel like I'm having to lead threads and create storylines all the time, focusing on the bonds between muses kind of took a backseat over time when I really didn't mean for that to happen, and I feel like that might have been... offputting to people, I guess? I don't have proof of that, I don't know, all I know is that I have had a tremendously difficult time getting rp partners and holding onto them and gaining and maintaining traction on my blog, and even trying to get any sort of feedback from people as to what I've done wrong or ways I can improve has been a struggle, so I've been left trying to self diagnose and this is part of what I could come up. I don't know if it's even close to the mark, but it's what I've got. I want to try to focus more on building relationships between my muses and other people's muses.
Sorry that was long-winded, but there it is!
18. what’s your favorite trope?
I think found family has to be my favorite trope, at least that I can think of off the top of my head! I just love the idea of a group of misfitted individuals coming together and seeing the light in each other, and caring for one another and just choosing each other where they were rejected everywhere else. I feel that way so much about myself in my life so the trope feels really personal and warm to me. It's been something I've treasured as far back as I can remember, beginning with The Land Before Time. And actually, that movie is a huge part of this blog too, in the background. Littlefoot and his friends' journey to the Great Valley, how he lost his mother and how she guided him to the Great Valley, all the danger, how the world around them changed, the found family trope, just all of it. It's a beautiful movie and means so much to me, I'll treasure it forever.
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I just noticed that probably the tintin family intended the found family trop,because just look at tintin being all alone at first and not even caring about his own life to where he had a family and a warm home to go🥲really melts my heart, also I would've loved to see how tintin was moved to marlinspike it was a crime they didn't show us,or maybe they did it because of the plot so tintin would've had a bigger place to do his job rather than a small flat?idk but I kinda wanted to see if the captain told him to move or not
NONNIE YOU JUST TOUCHED MY WEAKNESS AND THE ONE THING I DESPERATELY WANTED TO BE FEATURED!
The Adventures Of Tintin DEFINITELY brought the found family trope to another level! Not only characters that had no one were brought together by their own choice but they stayed together and did NOT separate (as many times happens in stories with strong friend groups because I dunno, we can't have our characters keep being together or close to each other for reasons like heteronormativity and maybe I'm going too deep but I feel this phenomenon could be because of it too and anyway I won't elaborate more because it will take too much).
Found family is one of my favourite tropes but also the one it's hardly likely to agree on how is executed, especially in fandom spaces. Found family is about people choosing to stick together for one reason or another and (usually) no blood to connect them. The choice is the important thing here and the one that makes it different from the traditional family. There are no defining roles and every member has their own needs and can adapt to them and the others'needs with a more traditional role or a mix of roles or none of them. Yet people tend to make the found family just another form of the traditional patriarchal family with the same values and ethics and in general this is where the whole point of the trope is lost. (Sorry for ranting I just wanted to express that and show how Tintin does the trope justice).
I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HOW TINTIN CAME TO LIVE IN THE MARLINESPIKE MANSION!!! IT DRIVES ME CRAZY JUST IMAGINING IT!
Probably Herge did it for convenience, he had Tintin visiting the mansion already and he hadn't shown his flat for a long time and it would be easier to have all the main characters together, plus a mansion is a much more interesting setting than a small flat. BUT we can't ignore the significance of this for the series and the characters and it can't be a coincidence it happened right after the moon case. It makes sense after that stressful adventure and almost losing their lives, they felt the need to stay close and not lose each other. Tintin had been frequent of the mansion already and, before going to Syldavia, we had seen Tintin and Haddock returning together from Emir's palace to Marlinespike Mansion and receiving Calculus' message for both of them.
I can easily imagine Haddock asking from Tintin to come live with them because "trains are inconvenient" and "you already spend more time there than in the city" etc but the main reason being exactly because he doesn't see any reason to be apart at this point. Tintin must have been thinking the same and agreed to that and later he seems content in the mansion and soon an irreplaceable member of the house (petting the cat in Picaros is like he is comfortable with the most stable member of the house, the absolute domesticity). I can't imagine Tintin himself asking to live with them (I'm sure if he did no one would object) but if Haddock didn't ask him, the moving in must have come gradually, bringing more and more stuff and staying more and more, and the renting contract ended and the choice came without much thought. Of course any other scenario is possible and I would love to hear it!
I want to add that the previous events verify that this was the right time. In The Land Of Black Gold, Haddock came to find Tintin and help him and Tintin was shown truly happy with that, like he was convinced that no matter what Haddock will always come to his side in any danger. In the next album, in the rocket station, after Tintin was shot and Haddock took care of him, they seem much closer than before. It's subtle but Tintin notices first when Haddock is in danger or Haddock not leaving him alone. And of course in the rocket and on the moon the rest events happen and this must have been the point of all of them realising how much they mean to each other and that they do have each other and they're not alone and they don't want to be alone again without each other. Honestly it would feel so weird if the relationship between the gang was exactly the same. The development of all of them living together is read naturally because we have been leading towards this since the start of their friendship.
If you read the series as a whole with your focus on Tintin's character you can see how he was gradually becoming quieter and quieter, less and less impulsive and chaotic because he did find the stability he needed in this unique family they all created together and he does everything to keep this family and this lifestyle. Of course the reasons can be because Herge put the focus on other things, he couldn't and didn't want to tell the same stories etc but if you read the work itself you can notice how the found family was the whole point of every character's arc.
#another long answer lol#sorry nonnie but you fell right into my weak point so THANK YOU for asking me this#they are the blueprint of found family please#i so want to see how the moving in happened and i love to read about it in fics#tintin#captain haddock#archibald haddock#professor calculus#the adventures of tintin
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Questions about OCs and stuff
You can find the original file here! I reblogged it super late at night.
Gonna fill this one out myself, because it looked fun!
OC questions:
* Who was your first ever OC? Do you still “use” them? How have they evolved over time?
Oreana was my first ever OC, and yes I do! She evolved from me wanting to write myself in with my favorite fixations to becoming her own actual character.
I could tell as a character she wanted to have the princess title removed, but I refused since I wanted that to be another obstacle for her. XD
2. Who is your newest OC? Why did you make them?
Asther Thyme, my goat OC was one I bought on toyhouse, but newest one made by me is Demiurge turned into a jackal.
I bought the goat because I am trying to rethink about this old idea of mine I wrote years ago as a kid that had more furries in it than humans. Demiurge turning into a jackal was just originally for fun but he stayed after awhile.
3. Biggest self-insert OC?
Oreana. XD; While she's come a long ass way since then, I still feel the parts of me that are in her.
4.What kind of music do your OCs listen to?
There's too many to list. Oreana just likes anything with a good beat, and Ignatius and Demiurge prefer instrumental.
5. What are some of your OCs biggest fears?
Oreana: being used again Ignatius: enduring loss again Demiurge: the loss of himself
Demona: never returning home
Cheshire: Demiurge ever getting his Creator's love when he feels he doesn't deserve it.
6. Do you have any OCs without stories? Will you ever create one for them?
Yuna, Asther, Elasha, and Haruka. Their Toyhouse bios aren't even filled in yet, because I don't know what to do. XD;
And yes, they will! I just have to get my ideas all together first.
7. What are your favourite relationships between your OCs? (romantic or platonic!)
Romantic, mainly because of the lack of love in my life. XD;
8. Do you have any OC family trees?
Oreana does have parents and 2 brothers—as well as an ancestor I can't get into because that's spoilery, and Ignatius has a twin brother.
9. Favourite OC?
It bounces from Oreana, Ignatius, to Demiurge.
10. OC you most struggled to make?
Ignatius. In fact, he went through a redesign about a year—er two years—ago. He originally was just going to look very much like a guy from YYH I loved but a naga, till I decided to make him more like an amalgamation of characters and ideas I loved. Doing that was so much so for the better. As I don't have to feel fixated on the one canon character to be fixated on him.
Fanfic questions:
11. * Sum up one or more of your wips!
Werewolf professor in a fantasy styled Victorian London looks to try and quell the fear over the werewolf curse. It's a commission so I can't really plop too much of it down.
12. Which story took the most research?
Anything from Assassin's Creed. Especially the Victorian London ones regarding brothels, tuberculosis, opium dens, and factories.
Don't get me started on the sex stuff... since that was considered 'prudish', it feels nearly lost to time.
13. Which story has the most lore?
Uuuh... A Love Most Profound and or The Demon King of the Desert, depending what you mean. Both spoke of their beliefs and even had rough outlines of their worlds.
14. Current word count of all your main wips?
I don't think I have any active yet since I'm on vacation.
15. How many projects do you have going on right now? Are there any that you doubt you’ll ever finish?
I have my private journal
A private personal story
In Another Life, We Could Have Been Lovers
Amnesia: A Dreamer's Requiem
An Empty Heart Full of Memories
The Devil After Midnight
The Devil's Tome
Within the Dream Temptation
The Princess and the Dove
I am not sure. I would like to get through all of these, but it's doubtful.
16. What was you first major project? How far along is it?
I guess The Devil's Contract would be considered that. And it's done now at 50 chapters. I was quite happy to have it finished.
17. What are some tropes and character dynamics found in your wips?
Slow burn, soulmates, and just romantic stuff.
18. Describe the setting of one or more of your wips
Horror fantasy of who is doing what and what is happening under the OC's nose, Victorian werewolf fantasy, and murder fantasy with a bit of reincarnation? I guess we'll say.
19. What are some things that inspired your stories? Real events? Maybe a dream?
Dreams more than anything, and if not those, anything I play or watch. Even The Demon King had elements of LOZ in it.
20. What story are you the proudest of? Why?
The Demon King of the Desert. It helped me come to terms with a bit more online trauma, and it seemed to touch a few folks. So I'm happy with it.
About me questions:
21. * When did you start considering yourself a writer/artist?
Artist, I always felt I was one. In fact, I was quite upset when I got online and people preferred my writing over my art. XD But I came to terms with it after awhile. Heck, I realize when I blend the two, people enjoy both.
Writing started to happen the more I wrote stories on websites, and folks came to love them or use them as a means to shoulder through a tough time in their life.
22. What are all the “kinds” of writing/art you do? (short stories, poetry, screenplays, digital, painting, clay, etc.)
I do short stories, poetry, digital art, traditional art too at some points—and sing as well as (kind of) play the piano.
23. Are you in any writer/artist groups? (Ex: discord server!)
Sadly, not really. I get nervous to spread my works to places I'm not comfortable in. But I've heard joining discord servers is a good idea.
24. Do you have/want a career in your medium? If not, what do you do/want to do instead? I would love to publish a book or do a comic of some sort. How I'll go about that, I have zero clue.
25. What’s your favourite genre to write? Is it also your favourite genre to read?
Fantasy and or romance. I prefer to read fantasy over reading romance. I only write romance because of the trauma in my life.
26. What are your favourite books?
The Maze Runner and The Last Unicorn.
27. What are your favourite movies?
The Last Unicorn,Watership Down, and now The Super Mario Brothers Movie (I've watched it like 4 times since I bought it lol).
28. Favourite songs at the moment?
Moonlight Shadow (original artist Mike Oldfield but any artist will do), The Secret of Monkey Island intro melody, and Tombi from Trigun.
29. What was your first fandom you were in? Did you make any art/fanfic for it?
Ronin Warriors, and yes, I wrote and drew for it but ALL that stuff is now archived and lost to time. Lol Well, only gone from the net, really. I still have it offline.
#questions#mod talks#fanfiction#stories#artwork#about me#answers#i wanted to do them all#b/c i found them interesting#ocs#original characters#mywriting#my characters
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As an eldritch immortal being, does Woo have an intimate understanding for why mortality makes humans makes humans? Or does he have to wait until you come into the picture?
I can very much see him and many of the other monsters not having a care for mortal beings (whether human, animal or other monsters that simply lack longevity) because they don’t understand the sacredness that comes with mortality.
I was a huge pjo fan back in elementary so when their more recent books came out I found it interesting (basically Apollo is turned into a mortal as punishment by Zeus) and wonder how well some of the monsters could handle having to experience the human life.
Finding a life, falling in love, possibly having a family (whether found or created) and finally realizing that this isn’t something permanent but rather temporary because mortals suffer from the kids of death whilst many immortal beings find loopholes around it.
I feel like Woo would be one of them that as he’s living the mortal life, he be so busy missing and whining about losing his immortality for a bit that he doesn’t understand the preciousness of mortality until he’s possibly faced with you or a friend dying.
Apologies for the long winded asks, idk where all of it is coming from tbh
Oh he knows. Woo is technically the oldest of the bunch here in Ataraxia verse, he's been around for eons at this point. Destroyed a few planets, created a few along the way. He's kind of at this point where his personality aligns more with the Wooyoung we're all familiar with, where he's chaotic in an endearing way, only flexing his omnipotent power when he needs to because it gets quite tiring being something everyone is absolutely terrified of and unable to even speak to. So he's aware of the ins and outs of human nature and honestly its impossible to lie to him or deceive him in any way. Whoo needs a lie detector when you have Eldrich Wooyoung vibe checking you?
Hongjoong probably has the most intimate understanding of humans and their mortal natures. I've kind of hinted at it, but without giving too many details, he used to be one himself. He doesn't exactly have the best outlook when it comes to humans and their natures for reasons, but he does understand them a lot better than anyone else..
I never read any of them but I've heard snips here and there from audiobooks gaia and her mom plays in the car of the pjo and ma series, so I definitely think its a very interesting concept to explore through story telling.
That trope always hurt my little heart in media hrrrrrrrngh. Its realistic and very valid but I think that's why my little gremlin ass always ends up doing transformations of their partners because owwie, fuck me.
Woo would def be the most affected by losing his immortal status. He's had wounds, many that would be considered mortal, been torn to pieces in conflicts up in the cosmos and then formed back together as whole. If he ever lost the ability to do that, or even the ability to regen, I think he'd fall the hell apart, quite honestly. He's like the rich kid of the bunch, he doesn't have an empathetic grasp on the severity of one's mortality.
also no dont apologize every time i get these asks I just smile, you're actually helping me flush out things a lot more than anything else at the moment it's so pleasant to be able to talk about my little verses like this with someone. thank you so much Laz you funky little babi.
aloha au 'ia 'oe, Laz
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*gasps in excitement* FINALLY 😍😍😍
I also remember our fireplace conversation vividly 🔥 and I'm so glad it inspired such an amazing fic! You've outdone yourself with this one, Alex!! Such a sweet, incredibly romantic, and yet angsty story 🤍
Such a strong and hot start, wow! 🫠🔥
Full honesty, as a writer, starting chapters with smut always freaks me tf out. Like, where do you put the damn "keep reading" line without flashing some innocent people at work 😂
Even with the fire going and the heater running in the cabin, the frigid air outside is unforgiving.
Ooof, I know the exact feeling you're describing here. Kinda like when you're taking a hot bath but the room is cold and so everything not covered by water is freezing... 😅
You have no problem with the way Dean guides you down from the chaise to take advantage of your nest on the floor, right in front of the fire.
Oh, here we go! Executed to perfection 😏
You don’t know this, but it’s been a while since anyone but his own hand has touched him. That’s not the only reason his body has been calling to yours, but it plays a part in how fucking good it feels, and how much more he wants you.
First of all, I was just reading this whole, intensely scorching scene with a thundering heart and squeezing my damn thighs hard 😂
Secondly, I loooove this trope! It's sorta romantic?! Idk 😅🤷♀️ Kinda gives "waiting for the right one and not in the mood for anyone else" vibes. I did that kinda with Russell recently lol
But I love the extra intensity and specialness it gives, y'know? ❤️🔥
Once again, he hears you. His teeth sink into the back of your neck, making you cry out. But your pain is quickly overshadowed by a deepest pleasure, thrumming along with his.
Loved the callback of him hearing her again, although his instincts had taken over. It shows how much he cares about her and respects her 💕
And I truly wonder what Sam will say when Dean comes back with a mate lol
His words both warm you and make you sad. Just how little does he think of himself?
Oooh boy, you're about to find out, girl 😂
You sense that he’s not telling you everything. How could he? A lifetime of blood and wins and incredible losses; family gained, and family lost, endless saves, and so many near misses.
Lol I was gonna say, "How long do you guys plan on being here? This might take a while" 😂 But I'm so in love with their little afterglow bonding session ❤️❤️❤️ I honestly could read about their convos forever. They're so cute 🥹
“After the whole Chuck thing was done, I thought we’d just…go back to status quo. Me and Sam against the world, you know?” Dean says. He gives a rueful smile. “Then Sammy tells me he knocked up his mate.” You smile. “You’re happy for him though.” “Course I am,” Dean nods. “He never thought he’d get to have all that. A badass chick who can keep him on his toes, a house, the kid, the whole damn thing. He’s downright respectable again.” His brotherly pride and his humor are tinged with something else though. You think you begin to understand. His losses have weighed him down, leaving him aimless and living in that in between, not unlike the ghosts he used to hunt. You know the feeling.
We've already talked about this when he mentioned Dean jr. the first time, but my headcanon is, too, that Dean would be super happy, incredibly sad and lonely, and definitely a little envious and sour lol 😂😂
You really nailed him here! I could hear every word out of his mouth, too!! 😂🫶
It’s another week in the cabin before Dean insists on helping you down the mountain. Your ankle has gotten a little better, but at this point, you need to see a doctor. It takes a couple of days, going as slow as you need to. He ends up carrying you for most of the way anyway. You tell him over and over that he doesn’t have to, but your alpha is stubborn.
Can totally seeing him doing all of that and arguing with her throughout lol Our hero 🥹💚
He grins at the look on your face. “Hey, sweetheart. Come meet my Baby.”
Oooh, I completely forgot she doesn't yet!! Aww, she loved him before she knew he had a cool car. This is like finding out he was a millionaire and kept it a secret to find true love and weed out the gold diggers 🤣
Dean gives you a teasing smirk. “Well, technically, she’s been with me a lot longer than you.”
This had me DEAD 🤣🤣🤣
Dean blinks at your question. He whistles lowly. “About a year. Jesus, since my nephew was born.”
A year???? Jesus fuck, this is even sadder now!!! Sam was really like, "Ciao, jerk." lol
Damn, this man is old school.
Oh she's about to find out how much 😂😂💚
That was such a perfect ending! They literally drove off into the sunset together *swoon* 😍🫠🫶 (And I could totally see Dean singing along to the lyrics at the end there)
I seriously enjoyed this series so much, friend!! 🤍🤍🤍 Totally gave me those vibes 🥹💕:
Against the Wind - Part 4
Pairing: Alpha!Dean Winchester x F. Omega!Reader
Summary: You wake up in a strange alpha’s cabin in the middle of a snowstorm, all with a busted ankle. He holds shadows in his eyes, even though his hands are gentle. There are iron shutters around his heart, even though he saved you. You might just save him in return.
AN: The grand finale...
Song Inspo: “Against the Wind” by Bob Seger
Word Count: 3.4K
Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Smut, knotting, claiming, fluff and feels.
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Part 4: Running to Live
His cold hands are warming on your skin as he slides them underneath your sweater. They move smoothly up your back, bunching up the material. You break from his kiss only to help him get the sweater off you, followed closely by his pants.
Your sweatpants slide down your legs with just a sharp tug, baring most of your body to his gaze. His eyes drag over your exposed neck and shoulders, your breasts cupped in your bra, down to your panties and bare thighs.
A shiver runs through you, both from his heated gaze, and from being exposed to the cooler air. Even with the fire going and the heater running in the cabin, the frigid air outside is unforgiving.
You have no problem with the way Dean guides you down from the chaise to take advantage of your nest on the floor, right in front of the fire. He draws you into a sensuous kiss, sucking your lower lip into his mouth and grazing with teeth.
“Were you nesting, Omega?” he teases, between the sinful meetings of his lips with yours. You hum your affirmation before his tongue swipes across your lower lip, seeking entrance.
You open yourself to him in more ways than one; you slip your hands across his naked shoulders and explore the smooth planes of muscle, the dips and softness in between. You encourage him to lower down, to cover you with the length and broadness of his frame. His weight is a welcome one between your thighs and against the softness of your body.
“Was worried about you,” you whisper a confession against his lips. Dean briefly pauses, meeting your eyes.
“Thanks for waiting up,” he says, with a hint of a smile.
Your lips curve upwards in return. You reach up to caress his cheek, feeling the prickling of his stubble. Your fingers thread into his hair, and you pull him back down for a devouring kiss.
Dean’s brows furrow as he holds you to him, wanting to feel every part of your skin against his. His calloused fingers map their way down your side, and across your back to unhook your bra. His lips veer away from yours to burn a wet, heated trail along your neck. His teeth come out to graze your skin, down your throat, down the lovely valley between your breasts.
“Dean,” you gasp, encouraging him when his hand cups one of your breasts. He explores the other with his mouth, teasing a pebbled nipple with his tongue. Your fingers tighten in his hair, your thighs rubbing together between the cage of his knees in the mess of blankets. Already you feel slick forming at the apex of your thighs and slipping down in between.
“Beautiful,” he murmurs against your skin. “Fucking beautiful, you know that?”
You can’t help but smile. Your face warms either from the fire dancing shadows across your bodies, or from him, his attention, his warmth, and the heat in his eyes when they meet your again. His hand slides down your body, over your hip and squeezing your thigh as he opens you up further for him.
“Tell me what you want, Omega.” While I still have control, his tone implies. His voice is gravel and sin while his hand moves swiftly and smoothly up the inside of your thigh.
“Touch me,” you breathe.
Nodding, he hooks his fingers around the hem of your panties and slides them down. You help him kick them off. Afterward, his thumb brushes over your mound, making you sharply inhale and squeeze his shoulders encouragingly. His fingers dip inside your wet heat, his brows raising with a smirk, as he feels the sheer amount of your slick already coating his digits.
“Fuck. This all for me, baby?” he remarks.
You hold onto the back of his neck with both hands as you nod, biting your lip. Your hips begin to cant against his hand on reflex, urging him to touch you.
“Alpha, please…” you implore, in a ragged whisper. He swallows your plea with a ravaging kiss, but he still gives you what you want. His thumb circles your clit, earning a moan from you into his mouth.
Soon, two of his fingers plunge slowly inside you, working you open, drawing more gasps and shudders of pleasure from your body. His length continues to strain hard against your thigh, but for him, it’s worth it to draw every sound, every time your body writhes and arches against him, craving release.
With a few more purposeful strokes, your inner walls clamp tight on his hand, and a flood of slick coats his knuckles even more. You gasp his name, your hands squeezing his arms just as tight as your pussy around his fingers.
Your skin is beginning to get dewy with sweat, and he kisses some of it off you when he trails down your chest. You stroke down his arms, down his back, whatever you can reach as you catch your breath. But then, his name falls from your lips with a firmer tone.
Dean raises his head, and you gently push at his chest. His brows furrow in confusion, only for it to be replaced with a smile of surprise when you curl a thigh over his hip and guide him onto his back. His head just manages to fall on one of your pillows, but he still utters a small grunt. You giggle down at him, bowing to meet him for a kiss.
He smirks and holds onto your hips, playfully squeezing your ass. “My wily omega.”
“Thought I was your cheeky omega,” you tease.
He snorts. “That too.”
You giggle some more as you treat him to the same path of open-mouthed kisses down his neck. Except this time, you hook a hand behind his neck, and you trail your tongue around his mating gland. You feel his jolt of surprise, as well as his instinctive growl of pleasure in response to his mate. Or at least, not yet…
His heart pounds in his chest.
“Omega,” he says, a warning not to tease as his grip tightens on your hips.
The command in his voice makes you shiver, but you smile and nuzzle his cheek in affection. You kiss your way down his body, playing special attention to his nipples, his stomach, the soft V and the happy trail of light brown fuzz leading you down between his hips.
Your fingers slide down his hardened desire through his underwear, earning a grunt from him, along with a shifting of his body against the blankets. Your lips curve as you nuzzle him there as well, letting your lips drag across his impressive length.
His fingers tangle in your hair when you hook your nails around the waistband and free his cock from its confines. His boxers join the rest of your clothes somewhere, and finally you get to see all of him, as much as he takes in all of you. Your hand wraps around his girth, your thumb circling around the sensitive, weeping head of it. Dean groans, a sound from deep in his chest.
You don’t know this, but it’s been a while since anyone but his own hand has touched him. That’s not the only reason his body has been calling to yours, but it plays a part in how fucking good it feels, and how much more he wants you.
He feels your intentions when your hand moves down his shaft in a teasing caress, your fingers tracing around his knot. A shudder rattles down his spine, makes his desire burn hotter in the pit of his stomach.
He can’t fucking take it anymore. He needs you, needs to be inside you. Needs to take you the way his instincts demand.
He grasps your shoulder before you put your mouth on him. You blink up at him, with a question forming on your lips, but he hefts you up onto his chest by your arms. He cages you there with a kiss filled with abject need.
“I can’t. Can’t wait anymore,” he says. He drags his fingers through your folds and earns another moan from your when he finds your clit. “You ready for me, Omega? Need my knot?”
“Yeah,” you nod, agreeing against his lips. “Need you, Alpha—”
No sooner had the words escaped your lips, when Dean rolls you back underneath him. But this time, he guides you onto your stomach, then raises up your hips, until you’re on your hands and knees. You catch your breath as you regain your bearings, shooting an incredulous smile over your shoulder at Dean. He smirks back at you, but his gaze is intense, his pupils darkened with the alpha inside him.
Still, he soothes a hand down your back and steadies you with a hold on your hip. You feel him slot himself behind you, guiding his cock at your entrance. His chest presses hotly against your back.
“Last chance, Omega,” he says, his voice tight with restraint.
You look back at him again over your shoulder, your mouth threatening to frown. You reach back and sink your fingers into his hair with a sharp tug. “Do it.”
He sinks into you with one smooth plunge. It’s a relief for both of you, your mingled moans echoing in the near silence. All that’s left is the sound of your quickening breaths, of skin against sweat-slick skin as you move together.
Dean brushes your hair away from your neck. He kisses and licks his way along your bare shoulder, and finally the back of your neck. You’re trembling by the time his lips find the sensitive flesh of your mating gland. It echoes with the pulsing from your core as he continues to drive into you.
“Alpha,” you gasp on reflex. You squeeze his arm; he has it wrapped tight around your middle. Your pleasure builds ever closer to that crescendo, especially as his thrusts become ragged, at an angle that zips delicious tingles through your core. “Close…just…I need…”
Dean isn’t so far gone. He hears you, and helps you, reaching his hand around to strum his fingers insistently on your clit, along with his final thrusts.
Finally, it tumbles you over. Your inner walls become impossibly tight around him as he draws out your second release—one that triggers his own. Dean groans into your ear; his knot swells and locks into place, and he spends himself deep inside you. He pants hot against your neck, but even though he fastens his lips there, he hesitates, once again making you shudder.
“Do it,” you repeat, in a coarse whisper. You’re close to tears. “Please. Want you, Alpha. Need you…”
Once again, he hears you.
His teeth sink into the back of your neck, making you cry out. But your pain is quickly overshadowed by a deepest pleasure, thrumming along with his.
Afterward, Dean holds you in his arms. The warm glow of the fire paints your skin in its light, despite the utter darkness in the rest of the house.
While you both wait for his knot to subside, you revel in the fact that you know he’s content. You can feel it through the newly formed bond. He traces random shapes in your skin, which still glistens with a fine sheen of sweat. The fire he stoked doesn’t help to cool you down, but you don’t care.
Nothing else matters but this. You turn your head toward him over your shoulder. He meets you there with a gentle kiss, much more gentle than any other you’ve shared before. It feels right.
When he parts from you, he presses another kiss to your forehead. Then he leans back a little and sighs. You feel his thumb trace the raw flesh around the claiming mark on your neck. A small shiver runs through your body. Maybe on another day, you’ll mark him in return.
“It’s too damn late,” he says, breaking the silence. “You realize that right?”
You shoot him a frown. “Too late for what?”
“For me to let you go,” he says.
His words both warm you and make you sad. Just how little does he think of himself?
“Dean,” you say, endeavoring to be patient. “You’re my true mate. Do you know how rare it is that we’ve actually found each other?”
Dean remains quiet.
“And after everything you’ve done for me,” you add, “how can I not think you’re a good man? How can I not think this is right?”
He seems to consider your question. His gaze briefly falls, then meets your eyes again.
“You don’t know me that well,” is his answer, with a wry turn of his lips.
You reach back to caress his cheek. “Then tell me. Tell me about, um…tell me about how you became a hunter. From your dad’s journal, I got the sense that it’s a family thing.”
A vendetta, you wanted to say, but you keep that thought inside.
Dean chuckles, dropping another kiss onto your shoulder. You feel the pleasurable rasp of his stubble.
“Yeah, more like a family business,” he says.
He tells you why John Winchester started writing in that journal in the first place. Dean explains it in his own words, of what his family was before and after a demon broke into his brother’s nursery. Your heart continues to break for him, over and over, the more story he tells. Your shock can only reach new heights when he tells you about angels and demons and everything in between.
There are moments where he pauses, needing the time to find his words. He’s talked for so long that his knot finally softens, allowing you to withdraw from him, just to turn in his arms and be able to see his face. He bundles you in the blankets to keep you warm, but he also keeps you close, with a loose arm around your waist as he continues.
You sense that he’s not telling you everything. How could he? A lifetime of blood and wins and incredible losses; family gained, and family lost, endless saves, and so many near misses. You listen with rapt attention (and a lot of shock) to everything he can share, but your heart twinges when you see how he struggles to talk about his mother’s most recent death. Then his best friend Cas.
You realize that this man, for all his self-deprecation, is a hero. More so than you already knew.
“After the whole Chuck thing was done, I thought we’d just…go back to status quo. Me and Sam against the world, you know?” Dean says. He gives a rueful smile. “Then Sammy tells me he knocked up his mate.”
You smile. “You’re happy for him though.”
“Course I am,” Dean nods. “He never thought he’d get to have all that. A badass chick who can keep him on his toes, a house, the kid, the whole damn thing. He’s downright respectable again.”
His brotherly pride and his humor are tinged with something else though. You think you begin to understand. His losses have weighed him down, leaving him aimless and living in that in between, not unlike the ghosts he used to hunt. You know the feeling.
You thread your fingers with his, earning his attention.
“You can have that too, you know,” you say. “I mean, I don’t want to skip ahead, but I feel like things are going well here, despite the whole busted ankle thing.”
Dean slowly smiles, shaking his head. He brings your hand up to his lips.
“Okay, enough about my Hallmark movie life. What about you?” he asks.
So you tell him.
You two continue to share and explore, both in words and with your bodies, until morning comes.
It’s another week in the cabin before Dean insists on helping you down the mountain. Your ankle has gotten a little better, but at this point, you need to see a doctor. It takes a couple of days, going as slow as you need to. He ends up carrying you for most of the way anyway. You tell him over and over that he doesn’t have to, but your alpha is stubborn.
Once he gets you back to the city, you two take a shuttle to the nearest hospital. X-rays are taken, and you get a new cast for your officially fractured ankle. At the very least, you don’t need surgery. You’re able to call your mom from there and let her know where you’ve been, that you’re all right, and best of all…that you’ve found your mate.
You cry along with her on the phone, this time for a good reason. The best reason.
When you’re eventually released from the hospital, Dean picks you up in a sleek, black Chevy that has your eyes wide.
He grins at the look on your face. “Hey, sweetheart. Come meet my Baby.”
He parks the car and keeps the heater running while he comes around to you in swift strides. He takes your crutches and slides them into the backseat, then helps you into the passenger seat.
“It’s beautiful, but my God, how old is this thing?”
“She. She’s a she.”
“Oh, pardon me,” you say in amusement. “Do I have some competition here?”
Dean gives you a teasing smirk. “Well, technically, she’s been with me a lot longer than you.”
You scoff incredulously. He laughs and takes your hand, pressing a kiss into your palm. You discreetly study him and marvel at how much lighter he seems. You don’t know how much is because of this, what your hand in his symbolizes, and how much is because he’s reunited with something important to him.
“It’s okay, Omega mine,” he says, with a measure of desire in his eyes. “From now on, you’re my priority.”
Your spine prickles with the same arousal you can feel from him through the bond. You lean across the way and share a thorough kiss.
Until a horn honks loudly from behind. You both jolt, but Dean’s face falls into annoyance. He shoots up a choice finger at the car behind him in the rearview mirror. You laugh as he begins to peel out of the curved pick-up and drop-off zone in front of the hospital.
“Where are we going, Dean?” you ask, still smiling in amusement.
“Wherever we damn well please.” He turns to you with a hint of a smile reforming on his lips. “Want me to take you back home? We can sort out the logistics on, uh…well, this.”
You think about it. He poses a good idea, but at the same time, you’re not quite ready for this part of the adventure to end.
“How long has it been since you’ve seen Sam?” you ask.
Dean blinks at your question. He whistles lowly. “About a year. Jesus, since my nephew was born.”
You smile and reach over, resting your hand on his thigh.
“Let’s go see him, then,” you say. “I want to meet your family. Then you can meet mine.”
After that, you two can figure out the rest, like where to live, and how you’ll live.
Dean raises a brow. “Really? That’s like, a thirteen-hour drive.”
You shrug. “I’ve always wanted to go on a real road trip. Can we get some food first though? I’m starving.”
He laughs and nods as he stops the car at a red light.
“What do you know? A woman after my own heart,” he says. His amusement eases into a gentler smile the longer he stares at you. You smile back, and you give into the urge to lean in again, meeting your lips with his. He brushes your cheek tenderly with his thumb.
“I know what this needs,” he says lowly. Your brows draw together in a silent question.
He pulls away to reach into the side compartment along the driver door. He fishes out a cassette tape labelled Zeppelin IV. You bite your lip and try not to say anything smartassed.
Damn, this man is old school.
He skips ahead until he finds Track 7, just as the light turns green. A melodious guitar riff fills the car as he turns onto the main road with your hand wrapped in his.
Made up my mind to make a new start.
Going to California with an aching in my heart…
AN: And that's all, folks! 🥹 I truly hope you enjoyed Against the Wind!
Like I said in a recent update, I have more stories in store for you guys. January 3 will be Part 1 of Outlander -- sequel to The Honorable Choice -- a Western AU with Dean as our resident cowboy! I'll post a sneak peek on that one soon.~
But in the meantime, I hope you'll let me know what you thought of ATW! 💜💜
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5.30.24 Papasan tears, failures, and regrets
As I sit here in my papasan chair all I can do is cry. I have a family, but not one of my own.
I have a job that barely pays and is really hard on my body
I have such an overwhelming feeling of failure, sadness, devastation, and some regret/envy.
Failure - because I'm not where I want to be and I've made so many mistakes
Sadness- because I feel behind and hopeless.
Devastation - my dreams of being a "young mom" are gone I had a boyfriend, but a bare minimum kind of guy
Regret - that I didn't go to college, that I didn't break up sooner, that I haven't moved out, that I've never been stable.
Envy - I look and see the lives of many people who have negatively impacted me and they're living my dream. The family, the house, the everything and every time I try I just fail. I feel useless and I'm crying in my room in my parents home in my 30s with less than $200 in my account, a useless degree, and I am just so numb that I can barely even cry. I self-soothe through my labor intense job, watching shows, and sleeping my life away. A small part of me in the back of my mind hopes, prays, wishes, and feels like my life is destined for more, but the evidence thus far does not support that little inkling at all. I can feel myself giving in to the idea that giving up doesn't sound so bad and that my life is over, I'm a loser, I can't win and I feel shame for posting such positive messages because I stopped believing in myself and my dreams a long time ago. I self soothe by eating copious amounts of sugary, bullshit foods that make me feel like shit. I am hurting and I just want the pain to stop. just stop. I feel like my parents are getting old and they'll never see me amount to anything . I feel sick, lost, depressed. I feel this and nothing all at once. It's been months since I cried myself to sleep, I guess tonight's as good as any.
Sad nights of a former emo kid
All day she sits on her bum
Her heart is heavy her brain being numbed
by tales and stories of distant places
She escapes to in her mind to better spaces
Places where she can fly and sore
Places where her feelings are more
than lonely and sad
shameful, and bad
ugly and fat
poor and useless
She use, escapism to a familiar trope
So hopefully it'll save her from a rope
Or pills or bullets or some other method
She hopes that the stories distract her from praying for her deathbed
too broke to adventure outside of Netflix, and stories
She sits all alone and just tries not to worry
Stories of heroes that she wish she could be
but alas she'd rather escape to another story
#sorry for being depressing#tw depressing stuff#tw depressing thoughts#depressing shit#hopelessness#sadgirl#sad thoughts#sad poem#sad quotes#sad poetry#healing journey#healing#feelings#i feel sick#i feel empty#in my feels#pain
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