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megastarstriker · 4 years ago

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{𝐀𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫}

~Nikki Sixx x reader~

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★Prologue★

“Pilot: When L.A. Burns”

Part 2

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< Prologue (Part 1)

Warnings: Cussing, suggestive jokes, slight angst and mention of violence

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Nikki Sixx x Female Reader

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩:

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: When her step-brother and ex-roommate ,Casey Jensen(Cage), decides to leave home to go to L.A. and form a band. Although hesitant, she decides to take his invitation to go with him to escape her alone and pain-in the-ass life behind. Looking back as she leaves, she wonders if she made the right decision or if she should go back.( I don’t own Mötley Crüe or the actors used in this story, I only own the plot and the band characters I made up. This book and maybe for the entirety of it, will be based off and detailed from the books the Dirt and the Heroin Diaries. Some lines are used from the movie the Dirt, all of these books or movie lines that I mentioned that I will use for the story belong to their creators.)

Taglist: @leatherandheels @xxqueencolourxx @suranne-doesstuff @littlemisscare-all , @niksixx, @nikkisiexx, @nikki-fucking-sixx @prettyyoungandbored @matchaandhoney @savannahgrace98, @metalheartofgold, @dustnbones , @sikinikx, @seventieshead-modernlover, @tbonelee, @mrsixx, @queen-crue, @mikaiya1313, @ginny-rose-sixx, @bus-jackson,

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANNA BE TAGGED TO THIS STORY WITH AN ASK MESSAGE 💕

𝙆𝙚𝙮𝙨:

(Y/N) - Your Name

(L/N) - Last Name

(N/N) - Nickname

(S/C) - Skin Color

(E/C) - Eye Color

(H/C) - Hair Color

(H/L) - Hair Length

(F/S) - Favorite Shirt

(F/F) - Favorite Food

(F/D) - Favorite Drink

(L/C) - Lipstick Color

(F/A) - Favorite Animal

Characters:

BEN HARDY as CASEY CAGE

MÖTLEY CRÜE as THEMSELVES

WILLIAM FICHTNER as ROBERT JENSEN

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1978, L.A. - Whiskey -a- Go Go, Backstage.

“You’re out of the band”, The man said simply as he was holding a cigarette to his lips as he looked at a young man with messy blonde hair and deep blue eyes. Holding the guitar in his hand, he gripped tightly as he looked at the guy who gave him the news as he stood there, still smoking his cigarette,” You’re obviously not cut out for this. Too slow and too much of a waste if we kept you.”

Casey stood there with a shocked, yet pissed look at the man as the sharp and hurting words reached his ears. He turned his attention to the other members who didn’t speak up or anything and simply just minded their own business.” So this is how it is then.”, Casey said as he looked down, trying so hard not to punch the asshole that took him off the band he formed,” Alright. I see. If you’re gonna seriously take someone of the band it should be yourself you fucking asshole.”

“We don’t need you anymore. We already found another guitarist.”

“Look if you’re gonna whine like a baby. Do it outside.”, The other man, with brunette hair and who was next to the guy said in a pissed manner as he approached him. Holding his hands out as he shoved and pushed him away in a rude manner.,” Back off.”

Casey took this as offense and punched him in the center of his face. When this occurred the brunette and him started to fight each other punch after punch and kick after kick, as the others were alerted immediately and tried to get them from each others claws and from killing each other.

As they separated the brunette from the blonde on the floor, Casey’s lip had a tear, that started drip with blood and the side of his eye had an ugly bruise, but it wasn’t any prettier for the guy standing above him who was being restrained by two other men. His nose was busted, and blood was slowly trailing from underneath it towards his lips as it reached down his chin, in a brutal manner.

Casey then stood up from the ground, slightly wincing in pain as he held his side, looking at the men with a furious gaze. If looks could kill those men would be dead in the most gruesome way possible, like a tiger ripping a part its prey. “ What the fuck is wrong with you?!”, one of the members shouted at him.

He stood up as he tried his best to not limp, looking at the members, his brows still furrowed at them as he looked at his bruised knuckles.” I’ll tell you what’s fucking wrong. I quit!! ”

He then took the strap of his guitar and swung it to the wall, smashing and breaking it in half. He then threw the broken neck of the guitar that was still in his hands and threw it above the group.

“So Fuck you and go to hell with you all!!”

“Because you’ve just lost yourself a musician who can actually play unlike the rest of you cunts.”

He then looked at the lead singer who was behind the guy with the broken nose.

“Just so were clear....”

He then took a glass cup with a few drops of whiskey and threw it at the guy a few inches away from him. Smashing at the wall behind him with a clear shatter.

“Your singing sucks balls!”

He then exited the room before taking the bottle of Jack Daniels with him and leaved the area outside. It was cold and dark, neon lights illuminating the streets, with crowds of people in every corner in the Sunset Strip. There was many people around him doing a load of crazy sort of things. Whether it was smoking, doing drugs, drinking, or having sex it didn’t matter. He was now busy in trying to figure out how to tell (Y/N) about the fact that he was out of the band.

“Shit, I seriously fucked up now. Didn’t I?”, He said under his breath as the wind flew past him, brushing few of his messy strands to the side of his face.,” Fuck!”

He grabbed at his hair in frustration as he cursed at himself. He thought about how you would feel about all of this. If she would be angry or sad? or worse? He was supposed to be the responsible sibling and friend. Yet, here he was messing everything up for the both of you. Ever since that day... when they both made that deal. He promised himself and mainly to her, he would try his best to make a living together, and never break it. He didn’t want her to leave back to they’re parents. They were bad people. He knew it and he knows she knew it too. But she was very sympathetic, always ignoring the bad and trying to change it for the good. That’s how she managed to even befriend him.

Thinking about you now that the show was finished, Casey then decided to enter the bar once again as he finished getting his stuff packed. Not wasting, anytime he finished the beer he took from the backstage and threw it on the ground, disposing of it. He knew you were waiting in there, as he saw you watching the gig at a distance swaying a bit to the music. So that’s what he did, he went inside the bar and just like that....

════ ════ ⋆★⋆ ════ ════

“Get the hell off of me!”, I yelled at the guy who was obviously shitfaced from too many drinks. I tried my best to be polite to the guy and told him I wasn’t interested, but he wasn’t having any of it apparently. So here I was in the most horrible situation any girl could ever be in.” Let me go, Damnit!”

I said as I repeatedly slapped his gripping hand from mine, only to figure out it only made him grip it much tighter. Knowing it wasn’t working I took the opportunity and used the heel on my boot and with whatever force I could muster brought it down to his foot and squished it.

“You Little Bitch!”, The man shouted in a groan filled with pain from the impact on his foot I gave him. In one swift movement he slapped me with his free hand, causing me to stumble and fall on the floor as I held my burning cheek that stung, making me wince by just touching it. “Now you’re really gonna get it.”, He said in a menacing tone as he stood above and towered over me, making me feel cornered with no way out. I ,of course, started to panic and without thinking I quickly kicked him in the groin. Causing him to bend down and grab it in pain, I tried scooting myself away from him and try to stand up. But as soon as I did, the guy just grabbed me by my neck and propped me against the wall. Alarmed and extremely anxious, I started to breath heavily as tears started to brink at my eyes. I tried clawing at his hand that was gripping slowly at my neck. “P-please stop!”, I said loudly and a bit out of breath from the pressure at my throat.

“Listen here. You can cry and shout all you want girly, but no ones gonna hear ya. Got it.”, He whispered lowly and uncomfortably next to my ear, causing me to gag at the strong smell of booze coming from him,” So why don’t you be good girl and shut that pretty mouth of yours.”

“The hell’s going on here?”, A voice said from nearby, from a slight glimpse I could see a young lean and tallish man with long, brown and slightly curly hair, wearing a leather jacket over a plain white t-shirt with leopard printed pants that looked a bit small on him. The guy had this look of suspicion, but then changed as he saw what really was going on. “Hey! Back off you’re hurting her!”, the guy said.

But the man didn’t do anything I looked at the young brown-haired guy with a pleading look as tears stained my reddish cheeks. “ I said let her go you jackass!”

Suddenly, as if a miracle just happened I caught a glimpse of blonde hair rushing behind the drunk man who was gripping my neck harshly, and felt his weight pressed against me disappear as he was pulled and ripped away from me. I then fell on the floor as his hand lost its grip and coughed a bit violently as I breathed the air heavily. I then noticed someone else punching one of the men who assaulted me, along with the blonde guy who had the shitfaced guy pressed up against the wall.

Casey...

“Is that how you treat a chick you fucking asshole”, Casey sneered at the guy as he kicked the guy on his side. The guy that was being brutally kicked and punched by him shuffled away from him as Casey panted.

Slowly, I started having a panic attack as tears started to drip from my eyes, I then felt two hands grip my shoulders softly, and as I traced them they belonged to the guy who tried helping me. My (E/C) irises locked with soft hazel ones as they traced my terrified and teary eyed ones in concern. He then put his hands on my face gently and gingerly, causing me to flinch at the contact, not only because it was from a complete stranger, but because of the bruise I had that lingered on my cheek.

“H-Hey, are you okay.”, He asked me as he looked at my face, a bit out of breath as he scanned my face to look for any injuries. He then noticed me wince as he made little pressure with his soft hands on my cheek. He then left his hands of my face as he held them up slightly in defense and mumbled a little ‘sorry’ that sounded genuine and quite sheepish. “ I just want to make sure you’re okay, Dude. I’m not gonna hurt you like that shit-faced guy did, Okay.”

I nodded silently and whispered an ‘okay’ completely trusting him as I was still quite traumatized and panicked with what just happened. I then saw Casey from the corner of my eyes as he looked at me. His baby blue eyes that were fused with rage and anger turning into concern and worrisome as he rushed over towards me before turning to the other guy.

“Are you another one of those assholes!”, He shouted at him as he raised his fist up his whole body leaning over his sitting figure.

“Woah, Chill man! I didn’t try to do anything to her I swear, Dude.”, He replied as he held his hands up slightly to tell him that he wasn’t part of the almost sex assault that just happened,” I just saw the chick getting strangled by the guy and sort of kicked his ass for it, but that’s it!”

Casey then as he still held his fist to the guy, turned his eyes to me for confirmation and I slowly nodded a ‘yes’ towards him. He then lowered his fist and backed away slowly from my ‘savior’. Casey then went to my side and reached over to look at my face and noticed the marks on my neck and cheek,” That fucker.” he muttered harshly under his breath with furrowed brows as he gulped slowly at the lump in his throat.

“Thank you”, I told the guy as he looked between me and Casey.

“Its cool, someone had to step in to teach those men a lesson, and with the many punches we gave to those dickhead’s....”, He replied as he made a punching motion as if he were boxing in a comedic manner, ”They’ll never wanna come back now and mess with us.”

I laughed a bit with a wince as he did that.” You’re not a boxer.”

“Whose to say that? You never know what’s under these fucking fists.” He replied with a grin as he held his fist up in a fighting stance.

I chuckled again at his goofy manner as he joined in along with my brother who was trying so hard to keep a bold hard face, but couldn’t from how ridiculous the guy was being and so he joined in the laughter.

“Name’s Tommy Bass, but my friend’s call me Tommy”, the guy said as he held his hand out in a greeting and friendly fashion.

“(Y/N)”, I answered as I held his hand shaking it softly. The guy named Tommy seemed very enthusiastic and excited in his own childish but cute way.

He then looked to my brother over my shoulder while he was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, sitting next to me in the ground.” Casey Cage, but Casey is just fine.”, Casey simply said followed with a sigh.

“Rad name. You were also pretty fucking hardcore, by the way when you kicked that guy in the nuts, you really showed him.”, Tommy complimented with a happy smile as he then went to fumble something on his pocket and took it out to reveal a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. My brother in return just shrug his shoulders, like he didn’t really care whether he thought it was cool or not, but the smile on his face proved he was kind of happy to hear it.,

We all talked for a few hours making me feel more calm and relaxed and a whole lot stressed from what just happened a few moments ago.

“ Look I know we just got out of some messed up shit, but I was thinking maybe we could all go down to the diner down the street and hang out there. It’ll cool things down, lighten the mood Y’know. They’ve got some killer pancakes too. That’s if you dudes are cool with it.”

I laughed softly at Tommy’s adorable behavior, and thought about what he said for a moment. To be honest, it was a great idea. The last thing I wanted to think about was getting almost raped and my virginity away by those bastards. It’ll calm me down from my anxious and shocked state. Besides, Casey being there it will make me feel safer. His suggestion was all for good intentions too and he did save my life it was the least I could do. Plus, he seemed pretty friendly, and I want to get to know him better. After all, he did just comfort me and beat the guy’s ass and teeth off.” Well, I am kind of hungry and I think you are pretty cool. Sure. Lead the way.”

“Okay then, Let’s go.”, Tommy cheered as he stood up and took the cigarette out of his mouth for a moment, letting the smoke leave his rosy lips, before putting it back on his mouth, giving me a tight-lipped smile that adorned his face very nicely, the sense of its comfort making me smile as well.

Casey gave me and Tommy a face that read “seriously” to us both, as he raised an eyebrow.

“What?”, Tommy and I said in unison as we looked at him in confusion, as we started to walk away from the cramped and dark alleyway, that had barely any light.

“Nothing.”, Casey replied as he shook his head in disbelief as he uncrossed his arms, letting them fall gently at his side, as he let his back scoot away from the wall and walked towards us, dusting his pants of as he did. Following Tommy, we walked side by side all three of us on the sidewalk of the street.

A few moments passed and it was somewhat quite. Awfully quiet. I thought of asking Casey about his broken lip and his bruised eye, but I somehow decided against it. I knew it couldn’t have been from the fight, being that he didn’t get punched rather he was the one who attacked first.’ Did something happen to him while he was backstage?’ I thought as I pondered a bit over that fact. I knew he was perfectly fine with defending himself and standing strong, being that he did just punched that bastard and he has been in many fight in the past. But as his closest friend and only sibling, I couldn’t help but feel a bit worried about him. Sure he was sometimes a jerk and all, he sometimes got himself into trouble, but still...

“So, what kind of music do you like?”, Tommy asked breaking me from my thoughts and the ice that was growing between us as we walked quietly, his bright eyes met mine,” Rock ‘N’ Roll?”

“Yeah, we listen to rock n roll. Both of us.”, I answered with a sweet smile as I gestured to Casey who was walking silently beside us both, his shoes grazing the pavement beneath him with each step, limping slightly as he did.

“Really?! Sick!”, He replied as he held a rock sign on his hand with a joyful grin on his lips, ”What bands do you listen to?”

“We listen to AC/DC, Kiss, Queen, Black Sabbath, The Rolling Stones, and a whole lot more than I can count.”, I laughed a bit as I listed.

“Nice, What’s your favorite. Mine’s is KISS, their music is fucking fire.”, He said in a almost awed manner as he talked about them.

“Well, I think every band has their own charm and flaw that makes them unique and a favorite to everyone. But since you asked, I love AC/DC.”

“Not Bad, babes. I think their pretty sweet too.”, He said as he glanced out at me through the corner of his eye, as he smoked his cigarette.

As we were approaching the diner up ahead, a few drops of what appear to be rain came to fall from the late midnight sky, wetting my jacket a bit. Tommy and Casey noticed it too as they felt the raindrops that turned into almost pouring water to fall on their dry heads.

“Last one to the diner is an old chicken!”, Tommy yelled as he ran his fast legs carrying him to the diner. His hair flying behind him as he ran like crazy as if his life depended on it.

“No fair! You got a head start.”, I yelled as I laughed a bit, running behind Tommy, as Casey started to run beside me, the rain pouring down to the grown and underneath our feet each second.

“Slowpoke!”, He yelled back as he kept running at a fast pace, reaching the diner’s doors. He held his arms wide in the air, as he released two rock signs on both of his hands.

I then stopped running as I stood in front of Tommy, Casey right beside me, holding his mouth as he tried not to laugh at my tired expression.

“Finally, for a second I thought you were gonna be last!”, Tommy laughed out as he held the door to the diner.

“What is that suppose to mean?”, I asked in a sassy remark with my arms crossed as I furrowed my brows.

“Ooh, Cocky are we?”, He replied as he held the door for me with a grin,” Ladies first.”

“Asshole”, I muttered lowly but a bit louder enough so he can hear me, as I tried to suppress a growing grin on my face.

Looking at inside the diner, it was pretty much packed with a lot of people in different booths. Luckily there was an empty one from between a couple of ones that were full. We took a seat on the empty booth, Casey went on the front, inside as I followed and entered on the edge of the seat, Tommy sitting across from us both and waited until the waitress came to take our order.

The place was loud and filled with chattering as the people around us talked, the only ones quiet and waiting patiently was us. Tommy was impatiently tapping his foot on the ground like a little kid waiting for the school bell to ring for the end of school, while Casey with a bored look took a napkin from the tabletop napkin holder, rolled it up a bit. As he held his nose with one hand, leaning his head back, and with the other placed the rolled up napkin inside, as hints of blood started to drip from underneath his bruised nose.

“Damn, that nose looks seriously fucked up. Did you get into a fight with someone?”, Tommy asked directly at Casey as he looked at my brother’s wound on his lip, nose, and on the side of his eye, hissing at the sight. Casey simply turned his head away as he dabbed the napkin into his lip holding it in place to stop the bleeding, ignoring his comment as he simply didn’t want to talk about it, avoiding his question. Tommy took this as away to not lead that conversation forward and simply dismiss it, as he leaned his upper half body on the table, both of his arms standing and laying on it for support as he scratched his head, while his head was turned away to look at something else.

Then as if it were a miracle, the waitress came and stood before us. Tommy instantaneously sat up as he looked at the young attractive waitress that was holding a small notepad and pen in her hand. “May I take your order?”

“I’ll have Blueberry Pancakes, please and maybe something a little extra...”, He replied to the waitress as he flirted with her. Getting the message, the waitress simply rolled her eyes at him and looked towards the both of us, awaiting our order so she can write it down.

“Umm..”, I tried to think as I looked at the menu that was placed in front of me,” a (F/F) and (F/D) would be nice.”

Then the lady looked towards my brother, in which in return he stared at her, while she tapped her foot at the outside corner of the table.

“I’ll have a Jack-”Casey managed to say, before I stomped his foot that was next to mine from underneath the table, not letting him finish his sentence at all.

“A coke, please.”, I replied sweetly as I turned to Casey, who was pissed at me for not letting him speak to the lady and order what he really wanted.

The lady then nodded to us as she then flipped the page on her notepad and wrote, what I assumed was our orders.

“Your order will be out shortly.”, She said as she placed the pencil to her ear with a hand on her hip, as she finished writing and closed the notepad,” In the meantime, I’ll bring you guys some water while you wait.”

“Thank You.”, I said to her as she hummed in response as she left the table.

Once she was out of ear shot, Casey then spoke out,” What the hell was that for?”

“You’re not drinking. Especially, when you are gonna be the one driving the van.”, I whispered-shouted at him.

He then rolled his eyes at me and simply answered,” I wasn’t gonna get wasted like that.”

“I know, but still...”, I told him as I looked down at my lap fiddling with my fingers and my hands.

I then pressed the jacket closer to my neck trying to cover the slightly marked bruise spot there, so no one can get the wrong idea of one of the boys hurting me in any way. The world seem around us seem to move on, except for us three who where still sitting in awkward silence.

“Here”, The woman who was first attending us brought us our water,” I’ll come again when your order is ready.”

Placing the tray in front of us and then putting the glasses of water in front, she then left as she took the tray along with her.

Casey then took the water as he drank from it. I on the other hand played around with the straw inside the glass. While Tommy, was surprisingly quiet this whole time, probably feeling a bit awkward. Who am I kidding? This was awkward. We were all feeling awkward.

“So...”, Tommy started to say as he drummed his fingers on the table, pursing his lips as he tried to think of something to say, with slightly wide eyes as he looked at the table as if it were the only interesting thing right now.,” Are you guys....like a thing?”

Casey as he heard that choked on the water that he was drinking, that was brought to us on the table by the waitress as we waited for our food, and holding the napkin he had on his nose that was keeping it from bleeding in surprise, making him cough as he tried to compose his fit, his eyes watering and wide as he covered his mouth with his left arm.

“You okay?”, He asked worriedly as he watched him coughing. I looked at him as well, a hand resting on his shoulder as I tapped it gently.

Casey then in a raspy voice managed to say ‘I’m good’ as he let out a few coughs, before he finally finished.

“We...aren’t a couple.”, I responded Tommy’s question,” We’re related to each other” .In which he let out an ‘Oh’ in response, as he realized.

“Sorry, It’s just. You guys fight like an old married couple. It sorta gave me the idea you both were hooking up or dating, some shit like that.”, Tommy said laughing a bit, as he said that.

“No we are not.”, I said as I laughed a bit too, nervously.,” But you do have the arguing part, down right.”

I then looked around the place of the diner a bit as I watched people eating or just talking.

“This place is really nice, I didn’t think there was a diner near the bar we were just at.”, I said with a smile as I looked at Tommy.

“I know, right. I usually come here often after I watch a few of the gigs down at that bar,. Speaking of which...Care to tell me what a pretty chick like you was doing in a place like that?”, Tommy asked out of nowhere curiously, as he sat across me from the both we were in, trying to be flirty but at the same time to not be awkward.

“Umm, I was seeing him play, his gig, at.. the bar ,‘Whiskey-a-Go Go’.”, I replied nervously, pointing at Casey as I stared at Casey through the corner of my eyes and explained to Tommy,” He invited me to come see his show.”

“Oh, Now that you mention it....Wait a minute! I think I’ve seen you before”, Tommy said as he looked at my brother with furrowed brows, squinting his eyes and pointing at him as he tried remembering something,” No fucking way! You’re the dude that played that rad guitar solo onstage at the Whiskey.”

“Yeah, So?”, He asked slightly annoyed and defensive, I elbowed him gently as I glared at him at the corner of my eyes, trying to remind him to be nice.

“What you did onstage was so awesome. You had the whole audience begging on their fucking knees for more!.”, He said followed with a laugh as he finished his sentence.

“Well, some of them didn’t think so. Those crackheads kicked me out of their shit-show. We’re done and over with. Couldn’t be more happier about it.”, He replied lowly, mumbling the last sentence to himself, as he looked down at the napkin that he pressed on his lip, that was stained with dried blood as it trickled a bit from his torn lip.

“Dude! That’s definitely their damn loss, they are seriously gonna miss out on your skills. What you did was pretty badass. The show, not the nose, but...the Nose looks pretty badass too.”

“Yeah, the singer was such an ass.”, Casey replied in a muffle as he held the blood stained napkin in his fingers, pressed against his mouth and nose.

“Yeah I saw the banter that happened onstage. Hey, fuck him, though. He deserved it. Besides, he wasn’t much of a good one any ways.”, He said with sincerity as he looked towards my brother and then to me.

“He is right, you know. You were pretty good up there.”, I said

I nodded at him with a smile, as Casey looked towards Tommy a small smile starting to reach on his lips, but silently dismissed it as he downed more of the clear liquid from his glass of water and turned his head away from him.

“Do you play in a band?”, I asked Tommy as I drank from my still full water on the table.

“Not at the moment, But I’m planning on joining a band called ‘Suite 19′. I’m gonna be their new drummer.”, He said taking out from his belt, in what looked like to be drumsticks,” That’s when the guys decide to kick the other guy out. I talked to them about it too, But I don’t know. They are still kind of thinking about it.”

Casey then looked at him with furrowed brows as he saw the drumsticks he was carrying.” Do you carry those with you, everywhere you go?”

“Yeah.”, He said as he began to play around with his drumstick in his hand, twirling them around in a very fast motion, without making a mistake as to drop it.

“That’s great. Casey also knows how to play the drums.”, I said as he kept twirling them at a quick pace keeping his gaze at us.

“Nice. Does that mean you can do stuff like this?”, He said as he began to do many twirls around his fingers with the drumstick, in different movements all in one hand. Only for him to drop them by accident as he made the drumsticks stop turning around and rested them on his hand. Leaning down to pick them up from the ground as he muttered ‘shit’ under his breath silently.

“Huh. Not bad. Where’d you learn to do that?”, Casey asked Tommy as he kept twirling his drumsticks between his fingers.

“I’ve been practicing since I was three. Also, High school marching band. ”, He said with a sigh and laugh as he stopped twirling his drumsticks, letting them fall on the table gently, as he gave us a tight lipped smile.,” Hey, but I rock too.”

Casey looked down at the table shaking his head as he let out a chuckle to escape his mouth followed by a smirk.” Yeah, I can see that.”

Then from a distance the woman held a tray of our order towards us. She held it down on the table. and passed each of our plates in front of us. Afterwards, she placed an icepack right next to me and my food on the table. I then looked towards her only for her to respond, “Its for the bruise. It will help with the swelling. Enjoy the food, hon.”

She then left leaving me shocked and a bit happy as I thanked her shyly for the ice pack, I then placed the small ice pack around my neck, tensing at the coldness of it coming into contact with my stinging skin that still hurt quite a bit from earlier. A few moments later though I relaxed as I adjusted to the feeling.

“You seriously eat that at this time?”, I heard Casey asked Tommy from beside me.

“Yeah, I mean its Pancakes. Nothing is late ”, He said as he started to take a bite of the delicious and warm stack of pancakes.

“I know that, but Don’t you think its a bit late for that?”, I asked him with a laugh.

“Hey, food isn’t late for anything, especially Pancakes. Besides, they taste fucking amazing.”, He said a bit muffled as he started eating his Pancakes with a smile, like a kid eating a sweet treat.

“Yes, we fucking now that by now. Now can we please just eat, right now”, Casey said as he laughed afterwards a small smile on his face.

“Okay, Geez....”, I replied with a tiny laugh.

We all three laugh together, as we talked and talked, while we ate. The mood was comfortable and relaxing. Everyone was having a good time, even Casey surprisingly as well. But then it was already time to go as we finished eating our food and I checked the time on my watch.

“Anything else, you want?”, The lady prior to coming at our table with our orders said, as she stood in front of us.

“No just the check. I’ll pay”, Casey spoke as he looked at the lady in front of us taking out his wallet from his jacket’s pocket.

She nodded and went to the cash register at the front, passing around a group of people behind it. We then left the booth, and approached the register as Casey paid for the food. Afterwards, we left the place walking on the streets.

“So, what did you guys think?”, He asked as he walked beside us.

“It was nice. you’re pretty cool and you aren’t so bad at all.”, I responded a bit shyly and Casey replied with a simple ‘yeah’ as he walked to the right side of me.

“Thanks, you dudes are pretty cool too.”, He said with a laugh as we both walked towards the parking lot, where our van was parked right next to the ‘Whiskey-a- go go’. “ Do you come to this place often?”

I nodded with a yes and a small giggle,” Usually, to see bands play.”

” Guess we will be running into each other a lot, huh.” Tommy said as he put his hands in his jacket’s pockets

“Yeah, I guess so.”, I then said as I moved towards Casey.

From there, we parted ways and said goodbye to Tommy, hoping to meet again tomorrow at the same time and place for the last day of the weekend.

Entering the car and pulling away from the parking lot that was next to the bar as we drove away back to our house. It was pretty quiet. Too quiet. I wanted to talk to him about the situation about how he got fired from his band, but I new that was a very strong subject, especially since he was more calmer now then ever.

The rest of the way home was quieter than ever as a random song from the radio was playing in the car. He then parked away next to our place. and just stood there.

“I can’t believe that fucking happen to you.”, He told me all of a sudden as he kept his eyes on the wheel, making my hand pull away from the car’s doorknob as I was ready to leave the car and into the house.

“T-tommy was there when it happen and h-he saved me from that, I-its ok-, ”, I mustered to say as I kept my eyes down, and sunk my body deeper in to the passenger seat.

“No its not fucking okay, those fucking creeps could’ve raped you, because of me!”, He said guiltily with anger as he gripped the wheel a bit tighter and yelled at me,” What if- what if he wasn’t there at all! Damnit”

“Casey!”, I yelled at him so he could hear what I had to say, as he scolded himself for leaving me,” I’m fine, and that’s what matters. Stop blaming yourself for it, It wasn’t your fault. None of it, Okay. You were there too, and you prevented it from happening. Those bastard got what he deserved. I’m safe right now, because of you. You’re a good brother. And a good friend”

He looked at me from the corner of his eyes before leaving his gripping hands away from the wheel and wrapped them around me. He hugged me.

“I know. I’m just afraid that one day I’ll mess up and fail.”, He said his voice cracking by just a bit as he sucked in a breath, trying to hold his emotions together.

The grip he had on me was strong but not too tight either as he buried his face on my neck, embracing me. It startled me at first, but then I let my arms wrap around his strong frame.

“You won’t”, I reassured him with sincerity as I soothed him by rubbing his back gently. Burying my face on his firm shoulder.,” You never did.”

We stayed there for a few moments that almost lasted forever, before he moved himself away from me giving me my space.

“How can you say that. How do you know for sure?”, He said almost as a question as he stared at me softly.

“I just know.”, I told him as I held his hand in mine gently,” Trust me.”

He nodded silently at me as his blue eyes soften as he stared at mine.

We held hands and walked towards the house. As soon as Casey opened the door and turned on the lights to the house, I rushed to my room and to my bathroom. Looking at the bruise more clearly, it wasn’t that bad but it was a bit noticeable. Laying down the icepack that I carried all the way from the diner on the pale sink. Quickly, I went to the bedroom and took my midnight clothes. Then I moved on to the bathroom and closed it behind me taking my clothes off and ready to take a shower. Letting the warmth of the water above me soothe my skin and bruises, as I let my brain and thoughts relax and escape.

....

A few minutes after I got dressed and dried my damp,(H/L); (H/C) hair, I opened the cabinet underneath and pulled out a cream that helped with the mark. I applied it gently onto my skin, careful not to press or put pressure on it too much so it wouldn’t sting. Afterwards, I laid down on my bed wandering what I should do now. I thought writing in my diary or lyrics in my notebook could help. That and there is also my sketchbook in which I spend many ours drawing. As my feet came into contact with the floor, I made my way towards the closet and, reached my hands to the top it, where a bunch of boxes were resting in along with my composition books. Taking the books out from above the box, I accidentally stepped on a shoe as I backed away, causing me to slip from having to stand on my tippy-toes from how high the books were in the closet. Groaning, I stood up and looked at the box that was now opened and had a bunch of photos scattered around in the floor along with the three books. The sound of clatter caused my brother to yell.” Are you okay?!”, He asked from his room as I heard his voice through the thin walls with a yell. “Yeah! I just tripped.”, I yelled back letting him know I was fine. I then gazed towards the photos in the floor, ‘Shit..’, I thought in my head as I looked at the mess,’ Better clean it up.’

As I brought the box on my neatly made bed, I then leaned down to pick the photos each one catching my eye. I then stopped to look at them, sitting on the bed. There was a boy with blonde hair and bright eyes in the picture as he smiled with a toothy grin, one of his front baby teeth being lost, as he held a large hockey stick and wore a warm uniform in the snow. The young boy looked a lot like Casey as he had the same eyes and growing blonde hair. ‘This was Casey!..”, I thought in my head as the young boy in the photo looked exactly like him, examining further as I realized it.

I then brought my attention to the box next to me looking inside and taking the top of it, placing it gingerly to the side. Inside the box, was a photo album. Taking it out and fixing it as it was all messy from the fall and impact, I looked at the photos inside it all being the same boy; sometimes younger or a bit more older and sometimes with a moan, presumably his father, along with other people I didn’t recognize or know of.’ Was this his photo album?’, I thought as I focused on some baby pictures with the same boy, having short blonde strands on his feeble head, looking curiously at the camera in pure adorableness, as he stared with a big and cute smile on his face, that made my heart melt in awe gushingly.

Flipping through the pages, I found one that caught my sight through the corner of my eye. Stopping my actions to look at it, I inspected the photo. It wasn’t just him in the photo. There was an older yet young blonde boy wearing a light blue puffed jacket with a beanie made out of wool and jeans along with dark blue gloves, and a small girl wearing a sweater underneath her warm and big jacket along with warm gloves on her tiny hands, holding a stuffed bear as they stood in the snowy winter behind them. Staring at the camera with serious yet warm expressions in their faces. It was a photo of Casey and me.

What made it more shocking was that I remembered this day that it was taken, despite how young I was. Because it stuck to me for a very long time. It was very important to me.

========================================

1974, L.A. - New York (During Winter)

I was playing around in the snow as I was giggling happily at the sight of it. Aunt Donna was standing beside the car as she stared at me with a warm smile. Grandma was on the porch in her chair on the left side of the porch,

Then I saw Uncle Robert in his brown coat and bored look on his face, as he lit a cigarette on the right side, and Casey standing a few feet away from him leaning on the side of the door.

I then looked towards Auntie and rushed towards her with my tiny feet up the stairs until I reached her on the porch.

“What is it, sweetie?”, Aunt Janet asked as she saw me approach her with a sweet smile.

“Can I, please, go to the park?”, I asked her as I held the stuffed bear close to me.

“Of course.”, She said with a giggle as she walked towards me and leaned down to my level,” I won’t be able to. But I’ll ask Casey to take you.”

She then called Casey over to her, as he stood they’re groaning approaching Aunt Donna as he rolled his eyes, coming down the few set of stairs only to hit the snowy ground to stand right in front of her.

“I need you to take (Y/N) to the park, while I go to the store to pick some things.”, Aunt Janet told him as she then gave him money,” I’m trusting you to watch over her. Buy yourself and her a treat on the way here, Okay.”

She then ruffled my head and Casey’s and went towards the front of the car as she closed the door behind her, starting the car. Pulling away, she waved at me in which in return I did slowly with a gloomy face,” I’ll be back soon.”

Casey and I stood there in the road as she drove away. I went to take Casey’s hand in mine, but he then tugged it away from me rudely, giving me a mean look. I timidly looked down as he did that a bit afraid of him, cowering in fear.” C’mon dork, Let’s go.”, He said as he released a heavy sigh that turned to smoke from the cold, walking away from me.

Walking towards the park nearby, I started to rush towards the swings happily. Playing around the park, I started to look around for Casey only to realize he wasn’t there. This wasn’t the first time he has left me though. Back in school when we would leave after the school rang, we were both supposed to walk to the house together that way I was safe, but he ended up leaving me to walk alone all by myself to the house, not caring what Aunt Janet said about it, even though sometimes she herself would pick us up sometimes from school after work. Once she found out about it, she started to yell at him for doing that and grounded him. But he later sneaked away a couple of times, but I didn’t tell anything to her about it though, because Casey threaten me sometimes.

That didn’t help me from feeling sad and lonely, though, since I was always alone most of the time. I started to walk towards the direction to the house only to be stopped by four boys around 12.

“Looks like, we meet again crybaby.”, Tyler ,One of the boys said as he looked at me, noticing I didn’t say anything back to him,” What not gonna say anything about it?”

He then snatched my teddy bear away from me.

“Aren’t you too old to be playing with toys?”, Tyler mocked as he raised it high above me.

“G-give it back.”, I stuttered silently as tears started to prick at my eyes, trying to act tough and remembering something Casey would say when they messed with him from a few fights I have seen him in at school.” or e-else.”

“Or else what?”, He said his face contorting to anger.

Those boys were the bullies at my school. They made fun of me for liking rock music, plus many other things and would embarrass me in front of the whole class with they’re stupid and cruel pranks, they would also harass me constantly nonstop afterschool. They would push me or fight me a bunch of times. No one knew about it though, because I was scared and just weak. Sometimes, I would come to school with bruises on my knees or arms or I would wet myself on the bed because of how panicked I was, even my Aunt notice it and ask me about it. But I would brush it off as a nightmare or that I accidentally tripped on my. There was one person who did though, Casey. I knew because the fights were always after school and he would just stand there from a distance watching me as he drank from a bottle of booze that if Auntie saw he would get punished for it.

“Hey! Did you hear me, you little bitch.”, He shouted at me as he grabbed me by my shoulders shaking me violently.

“L-let me go.”, I told him as he gripped my arms tightly,” Y-you’re hurting me.”

He then shoved me hard on the floor as he then stood above me.” Ouch!”, I yelled as he kicked me making me tear up from the pain.

“Aww, the little baby’s gonna cry.”, One of the boys said as the other two chuckled cruelly at me.

Tyler then snatched my hair as my back was towards him on the ground, then pressing my head against the ground.

The other boys then started to gang up on me and surround me as I felt small beneath their gaze.

They all started kick me, each impact of their feet making me tear up and suffer much worse. It didn’t help it either that they were wearing shoes. I begged them with tears in my eyes to stop, but they only kept kicking me and mocked me for being weak.

I begged and cried I then scooted away from them with as much force as I could to my already throbbing legs, I then felt my leg being grabbed. As reflex and defense, I used my other leg to kick the person hard in the face causing them to let go of my leg and grab at their face, groaning. I then leaned both of my arms as I looked at the person that snatched my leg ,Tyler, in shock at what I did.

As he let his hand fall away from his face I notice his lip begin to drip with something red as he spit some on the ground, tainting the pure white snow with it. He then looked at his hand as hand that had a few drops of them and stared at me with a steely look that could kill anyone.

“I-i’m sorry.”, I whimpered out as I sniffed out, still scooting away from him as I laid at my side, looking at him with tears in my eyes, my nose red from the cold and from crying too much in agony.

“You are so dead.”, He said with a dark stare as he angrily approached me. Tyler then snatched my hair as my back was towards him on the ground, then pressing my head against the ground., ” No one is gonna fucking hear you, because you are the annoying, fat , weak, freaky ,little crybaby that you are. You hear me!”

Hearing these words made me tear up even more making my cheeks red and damp as he kicked me with each word said in my ear, it also got me thinking if whether that was true or not. If I was really alone right now, that no one was gonna help me. I then laid my head down as I kept crying silently, giving up.

The boys kept kicking me of course, as I begged them to stop. Then suddenly I heard someone yell.

“What the fuc-!”, Before they were cut off.

Tyler’s grip on my hair loosened as he watch the scene, giving me the perfect time to quietly escape from his grasp. Hissing and groaning slightly from the suffering that was inflicting my body. I tried to crawl away from the scene. I then looked over my shoulders to see a boy with blonde hair on top of someone punching Tyler’s face over and over again. Only to stop and get off of them. The boy then turned around to look at me only for their face to be recognized. It was Casey, who’s nose was dripping red with blood. He then rushed towards me and leaned down, with his eyes wide and sucking a breath as he saw my state. He then looked towards the boys who were helping Tyler out from the floor. Breathing heavily in the middle of a panic attack, I curled into a ball crying silently.

“Do you need a fucking hint?”, Casey yelled at them his eyes pissed with furiousness in them as he pierced them with his intense stare.,” Fuck off!”

The boys as soon as they heard that dashed away, dragging Tyler along with them.

Casey ignoring them and looking at my traumatized face, with guilt and regret.

“Fuck!”, He said as he looked at my legs and arms.

“Y-you’re hurt.”, I whimpered out as I was still curled into a ball looking at him.

“What.”, He said as he looked at me with worry.

“You got hurt because of me! I’m sorry!”, I cried out as I closed my eyes letting my tears to fall down my already puffed and red cheeks. Casey seeing this panicked and held my shoulders gently. “No no no no It’s not okay. Forget about the fucked up nose. I’m fine. Okay.”

He then extended his hand towards me which I took in mine with a tremble. Helping out from the snow.

He then hugged me tightly all of a sudden, catching me by surprise and making me flinch but later I, with shaking and feeble arms in pain, embraced him back, as I sniffled. Calming down from the embrace, Casey softly and slowly released me letting his hands to fall on my shoulders. “You wanna go on the swings.”

I then nodded sadly as I sniffled, he then grabbed my hand gently, not letting it go or shooing it away. I in return gripped it tightly, afraid that it would soon disappear from my hands as I stuck closely by him shaken a bit still from what happened.

We then walked silently towards the park again. I couldn’t help but look at his nose in shame as it kept dripping, staining his shirt.

“Y-you’re nose. its red.”, I told him in a whisper only for him to look towards me.

“What?”, He asked as he kept walking, his feet scrunching beneath the snowy white ground.

“Y-you’re nose is red.”, I commented this time a little louder so he could hear me clearly.

“Yeah, No shit sherlock.”, He said sarcastically as he looked ahead, making me looked down sadly. Casey noticed this and muttered a small ‘sorry’ to me

We spend the rest of the day, on the park hanging on the swings. Casey sitting on one of them next to me, and I on the other as we both held hands, afraid to say any words or to let go.

“Casey....” I spoke quietly not looking at him.

“Yeah...”, He said as he didn’t look at me as well.

“Do you think I’m annoying and a freak?”, I asked weakly as casted my eyes down sadly at the white and pale snow on the ground.

“Well.....no.”, He said as he turned his head away,” I think you are a whole lot more than those things.”

“You mean it.”, I said as I looked at him with wide eyes.

“Yes I do. Trust me.”, He said as he squeezed my tiny hand into his large warm one for comfort and to reassure me.

“What if those bullies come back?”, I asked worriedly as my hand and body stiffened at the thought, suddenly unmoving.

“They won’t”, He said with confidence as he looked towards me with soft eyes.

“How do you know for sure?”, I asked him not convinced with his answer or trusting his words, filling my mind with doubt.

“Because, I will kick their asses again if they do.”, He said firmly as he held my hand in his tightly and softly as he squeezed them.,” and I- I will always be there for you....”

“I promise”

========================

{AUTHOR’S NOTE}

Hello again dear reader’s this is the last part of the prologue. We finally met our adorable and crazy Tommy in this one. I hope I wrote his personality and his character as I accurate as I can. This took me a lot to write too. Anyways, thanks for anyone who reads this and loves it as much as I do. Sorry for any one who was awaiting a lot for it. Comment your thoughts about it if you liked it. Hope to see you again on the next update. Love you guys and Hoped you Enjoyed it!

{LIKE AND REBLOG IF YOU LIKED IT 💕}

#nikki sixx #nikki sixx x reader #the dirt #motley crue #tommy lee #vincent neil #mick mars #rock n roll #heavy metal #80's rock #motley crue fanfic #motley crue fanfiction #nikki sixx fanfiction #nikki sixx fanfic #motley crue x reader

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wedreamedlove · 5 years ago

Text

Xu Mo - Character Study

Preserving this from Reddit. But the comments are always interesting, so I’m dropping the link here.

This post will include content up to Chapter 18. Plus some calls, dates, and ASMR in the CN server. I always quote from JP and CN (because I have major issues with Elex’s translation).

Also, this is an extremely long post. Last I checked it was about 7,500 words so get comfortable if you’re going to read this LOL.

BASICS

First, I don't think I'd be wrong in saying Xu Mo's character is the most polarizing out of the four men and I believe this is due in large part to cultural differences and how the localization handled that. Putting aside my constant harping about subtleties being dropped, I was enlightened by @sharinluna about an aspect I didn't consider, which is Xu Mo's "social class".

Face, social status, rank, and hierarchy are - and still is - very important in Chinese culture. Easy examples people can relate to are respecting elders and the prestige of being a doctor, banker, lawyer, etc. But I can't stress enough the reverence that is given to these "high" social statuses. How this applies to Xu Mo is that he comes from a lineage of literati that would place him as someone in an upper class status, in addition to his own achievements.

Xu Mo was born from a scholarly family. His parents were highly talented and leading researchers.

In the eyes of the public, Xu Mo is a young and remarkable neurologist and a guest professor at Lianyu University. He is serious and persistent towards his scientific research, which is how he's obtained extraordinary achievements. At 26 years old, he has already obtained achievements that most people wouldn't get in a lifetime. There is no other word better to describe him than "genius".

[CN Profile Translation]

The English definition of literati leads you to intellectuals, but this doesn't carry the weight and history of how literati, or basically scholar-officials, were people appointed by the emperor to carry out day-to-day duties and to help govern the country. I guess the equivalent would be a noble who carries out noblesse oblige. Cultured people with scholarly achievements were very respected in historical China and also acted as role models for the common people.

So, going back to Xu Mo, because we're in modern times and he doesn't have an overtly obvious title (to those not in his field of work) he just comes off as a gentle, unassuming, humble, scholar with an air of sophistication and professionalism from his background. Think of a noble, without any airs.

This is reflected in his polite and modest speech (I will be bringing an updated post on this over to Tumblr to go into more detail about modal particles; the important thing is that Xu Mo NEVER smirks unless he's Ares and even that could just be a cold smile). Not to mention all the descriptions about his elegance and refinement. Heck, he even has a Chinese tea ceremony set in his room, including the tools to make tea [CN "In His World" Event].

Xu Mo's classiness, for a lack of a better word, also emphasizes the purposeful contrast of seeing him do common, mundane things. Like watching cartoons to understand humans better [CN Profile]. It's like how Li Zeyan, with his more understandable poshness from his riches, would be contrasted with mundane things. But, if we were looking for another analogy, Xu Mo would be old elegance and Li Zeyan would be nouveau elegance.

Anyway, Xu Mo also has another trait given to him that's a classic in female-oriented Chinese media and that's being a "black belly; 腹黑". For those who are more familiar with Japanese, it's basically the same word as "haraguro; 腹黒".

Black bellies are people who act nice and unassuming on the outside, but they're sly and manipulative (and at times cruel) on the inside or in secret to other people.

Essentially, they're two-faced but while English has a negative connotation with this word it's normal and accepted in Asia (likely because of the concept of face). The majority of male leads in Chinese novels are all black bellies. BTW, the origin of the word comes from how you only notice their black belly after you're eaten up by them LOL.

So, how this works in female-oriented media is... well, there's many combinations. For example, they can be nice to everyone, including the heroine, but secretly vicious against those who hurt the heroine. Or they're nice in public, but show their sly cunning to the heroine. Mix it however you want! They also like to tease the heroine in all sorts of ways, like leading them into verbal traps to see them flustered.

There's some crossover with black bellies being abusive, cruel, or yandere towards their heroine, but it's not necessary for black bellies to be like that. Just think of these as being Venn diagram circles with overlap [example of a sweet black belly is Xiao Nai from the Chinese drama LoveO2O, also a novel].

Returning to the main topic, you can easily see how this applies to Xu Mo. He's nice and elegant... except for when he's not. It's how he can have this gentle and refined air, but then turn around and be a massive flirt and tease with the heroine (flashing his black belly). Then he goes and turns completely black when he's Ares LOL.

Now, after giving background on Xu Mo's character archetype, let's move onto my other sections.

MAN OF JUXTAPOSITIONS

I wanted to call this section "man of contradictions" at first, but then I thought that might mislead people. Basically, this is all about how Xu Mo is a man of dualities.

[Main Story 13-22] The scarred man describes Ares as being the only person who can be trusted in BS, and yet Ares doesn't hesitate to go against Hades and incapacitate him. I'd argue that this places a wrench in BS' operations, so there goes being the most trustworthy person in BS (although, granted, BS sounds like they're a writhing mess of people with their own thoughts and ideas about how it should be run).

Xu Mo is a gentle teacher to MC, patient and taking the time to explain concepts she doesn't understand or provide novel ideas to her; however, he also gives her the worst betrayal and you can almost call this the harshest of lessons.

For all his image of being an intellectual scholar, as I've mentioned in the previous section, Xu Mo is surprisingly "physical". [CN Archery Date] shows that he's ripped and knows a taxing sport like archery, and in [Main Story 16-22] he straight up kills the goons with ice shards (even if it's in a mental arena).

[Main Story 8-23 & 9] bombards you with light and shadow descriptions. Actually, this imagery follows Xu Mo everywhere but it's most prominent in these chapters. He's always standing at the intersection of light and shadow, or light shines down on one of his sides but casts the other in shadow.

[Main Story 9-14] I will be forever salty for Elex dropping the ball here, but Xu Mo's eyes are described to contain a sense of humanness and life. Then, in [Main Story 12-22] he is described to have an expression lacking any emotion and human warmth. Human descriptions contrasted with inhuman descriptions.

Mm, you just have to love delicious juxtapositions and how it emphasizes his duality of being both Xu Mo and Ares. Two sides of the same coin.

Once again, I didn't want to call these contradictions because I don't believe one of these negates the other. It's like how we code switch in different scenarios. You can be a nice person, but vicious when your bottom line is crossed.

These sides of Xu Mo don't overturn the core of his character or his through line: loving the MC, ruthlessly ambitious for the sake of his goals, and naturally gentle (shown in the way he treats animals and people not in the way of his goal).

But, if you do insist on seeing one side of these as lies, then Xu Mo once said:

"Besides, lies have just as much power as the truth. The true nature of things can be indirectly reflected in the world of lies [...] It is because these lies exist, that one can get closer to the truth."

[Main Story 12 Call: Truth and Fiction]

REVERSING "GOOD" IMAGERY

I haven't been quiet at all about how much I love the evocative imagery Xu Mo gets, but an interesting thing I've noticed is how "positive" imagery is twisted into "negative" imagery when it comes to him. It's brilliant.

[Main Story 13-8] MC leaves the building, after interviewing the elevator Evolver man with Xu Mo, and dazzling light shines down on her, yet she can't feel the slightest bit of warmth. This chapter literally sets up Xu Mo's reveal as Ares through positive imagery turned negative. Not to mention warmth disappears into coldness.

In [Midnight Date] there's a rope with thorns tightening around Xu Mo's heart. In [True Love Date] there is a delicate rope tightening around his heart. I will eat my shoe if this isn't a reference to the red string of fate that binds him and MC together. But, as you can see, it's causing him all the suffering in the world.

[Main Story 13-19] Iridescent, the pen, was given to MC and she ends up using it to threaten her own life. Not only is it Xu Mo's symbol of love (more on this later) but pens aren't supposed to be violent weapons. There's the saying that pens are mightier than the sword, because pens write down ideas that are supposed to convince people peacefully. So, a symbol of something non-physical and literary is now a physical weapon of violence and force.

[Main Story 8-23] Xu Mo tucks MC's hands back under the blanket when she's in the hospital, but MC describes a "cold sensation" touching her before she sees that it's his hands. So, Xu Mo has bad circulation or low temperature. Normally, in otome games, the men are supposed to have warm hands (encourages feelings of security, safety, etc.).

[Main Story 9-18] also talks about how Xu Mo's fingertips are freezing, but this is probably more because of the context of the scene.

To be honest, I'm iffy on the last two points about cold hands because it's a common description I see in Chinese novels, where the male lead is described with a cool temperature or cool breath. So, it sort of sounds like it can be a positive descriptor? Of course, there's also male leads who run hot to show how passionate they are LOL.

Or maybe cool descriptions are used to emphasize a character's rationality but when things get hot and heavy they start to burn in temperature and it's supposed to make you go "OOH! HE'S LOSING CONTROL!" or something.

In any case, Xu Mo being of cold temperature is a distinct thing because Gavin is generally described with warm temperatures (because he's a hotblooded military man). The only time I can recall Gavin having a cool description given to him is the tip of his nose in his birthday date, but come on the nose is the extremity of extremities!

Lastly, Xu Mo also needs a special mention for this point:

[Main Story 16-22] The opposite happens here with imagery reversion. Death, normally a frightening concept, is flipped to be a good thing. To escape Xu Mo's dream you need to die. Dying is another way to live.

SYMBOLISM

First, I think it's interesting to note that despite Xu Mo being a "villainous" character and having all this light and shadow imagery (metaphor for his inner conflict), he's ultimately described with light. He has spatial and solidifying light (?) powers that manifest as white light rather than dark shadows.

It's also cute that he shows his two sides with his WHITE lab coat or his BLACK trench coat.

Second, water is pretty much THE imagery to go to for enlightened, virtuous, and refined people. Heck, Lao Tzu in Tao Te Ching, a fundamental text for philosophical and religious Taoism, connects water with 7 virtues:

Dwelling with the right location: water goes to the lowest point, thus a humble person should emulate this. Arrogant people always try to go to the top.

Feeling with great depth: truly virtuous people are like deep pools of water. You can't see everything about them at first, but as you get to know them it's like discovering a treasure and this should encourage you to cultivate depth in yourself too.

Giving with great kindness: rivers flow across the land nourishing everything in its way; once it's done its work it moves on without waiting for praise or recognition. This is the virtue of unconditional kindness.

Speaking with great integrity: water, when calm and undisturbed, reflects its surroundings perfectly and so should people reflect the truth with the same degree of accuracy.

Governing with great administration: water benefits everyone equally, because water doesn't pass judgment on anyone. Give everyone the same level of basic courtesy.

Handling with great capability: water has great versatility and nothing can block its way; it can flow to the left, right, under, over, etc. It's also not limited to just its regular form and can be steam or ice.

Moving with great timing: summer rains never fall in winter, and winter rains never fall in summer. Water demonstrates there is a time for everything and that everything can occur in its own time.

Remember how I said scholar-officials in historical China are basically like role models and nobles who help govern the people under the emperor with noblesse oblige? This is why scholar characters go hand in hand with water imagery, because it's supposed to emphasize their virtuousness.

So, because Xu Mo is a scholar-type character, the same goes for him. He has SO MUCH water imagery going on for him, and it carries the above weight behind it. I've probably missed some, but here's a list of the ones I can recall:

[Main Story 9-11] MC falls asleep on the bus and, as Xu Mo watches her, the emotions in his eyes are like swelling ocean tides at night.

[Main Story 9-14] MC's dream about Xu Mo has her falling into an ocean.

[Main Story 9-22] MC ends up in Xu Mo's memories about the accident that killed his parents and it's raining.

[Main Story 11-6] Xu Mo brings MC Chinese bellflowers and MC feels that they're fragile, as if the petals are thin ice that'll break if she touches them.

[Main Story 13-4] Xu Mo's voice is like the morning fog evaporating in the sunlight.

[Main Story 13-8] During their talk about MC wanting to continue her investigation, calm waves drift in Xu Mo's dark eyes.

[Main Story 13-19] This is tangentially related to Xu Mo because these descriptions apply to the MC, but it happens after the Ares reveal. She feels like she got pushed into an ice cave, she feels like she's drifting in an ocean, and when she thinks about Xu Mo her memories overwhelm her like a flood and she feels like she's going to drown.

[Main Story 16-16] Xu Mo gets to kill Hades' goons with a copied ice ability. The writers didn't have to give the goons an ice ability; they could have had metal powers, or fire powers, but nope it was water-related.

[The Promised Date] Xu Mo's eyes are like ocean tides at night. When he's abroad he experiences heart pains and finds his shirt drenched and stuck to his back, giving him the illusion that he's drowning.

Third, Xu Mo also has a lot of flower language going for him. Technically, the other guys have flowers and plants associated with them too (for example, Gavin with white lilies and gingko leaves), but I think Xu Mo gets more LOL.

[Main Story 9-14] Red spider lilies appear in MC's dream about Xu Mo. These mean sad memories, mutual longing, separation, graceful purity, beauty of death, endless love, a precursor to death, and a call to the netherworld. The sadness and mutual longing is because the flowers and leaves of spider lilies can never touch; meanwhile, their relation to death is because they bloom punctually around the autumn equinox when people sweep graves.

[Main Story 11-6] Xu Mo gives the MC Chinese bellflowers, which bloomed out of season, when she's at the hospital. These mean eternal love, sincerity, yearning, or hopeless love. The reason for this double meaning is because Chinese bellflowers represent happiness, but only some people can seize their happiness while others miss it, are unable to grasp it, or are unable to keep it.

[Blossom Event] Xu Mo gifts a gardenia to MC, which is called Garda. In Chinese, gardenias mean tenacious, eternal love, waiting for you for a lifetime, and our love.

[Blossom Date] Xu Mo and MC go look at peach blossoms together. Not only do they quote a poem all about a bride serving her clan, groom's clan, and her groom (including having abundant fruit if you know what I mean), peach blossoms themselves mean being a captive of love.

[Under the Mistletoe SSR] Mistletoe, duh. Normally, I'd look at Chinese flower language but they're clearly using the common meaning of mistletoe: love and enduring love to those who kiss under it. Plus, if you refuse a kiss beneath it then you'll get bad luck LOL.

[CN Promise You a Lifetime SSR] Xu Mo's wedding card has wisteria in the background. In China, it means intoxicating love, dependence, born for love and dying for love, obsessed with you, the happiest moment, and indulging in love.

[Golden Days SSR] Xu Mo's flower card, but I can't find a consensus on what the flowers are. Some people think its oleander but they only bloom in summer and fall when the card is about being in the springtime. Oleanders mean a curse and to watch out for danger though.

I personally think they're apple blossoms (blooms early spring and summer) and they mean "trap". Apple blossoms are so beautiful people want to eat them, but their body is poisonous. People represented by this flower look loyal and honest on the outside, but they're sharp and have a thorny tongue. Those who get too close risk being stabbed and only smart people will find their viciousness interesting LOL.

Come on, it's totally not a coincidence that all of Xu Mo's flower symbolism is just a neon sign about how in love he is with the MC. Eternal love is repeated like a billion times. The only odd one out is his flower card, but it still suits his character:

Under his elegant and gentle face, there hides an inexplicable dark side which is the most deadliest poison.

[CN Profile Translation]

Lastly, Xu Mo has a fox as his animal representative. Foxes are pretty much universally associated with being tricksters, masters of illusions, and cunning. It's amusing because, in Asian folklore, they also like to transform into beauties and seduce people to consume them. Sometimes, the nine-tailed fox is associated with auspiciousness though!

[Official CN Animal Figures] Xu Mo is a fox, Gavin is a dog, Victor is a cat, and Kiro is a bear.

[CN Dream Flower SSR] Xu Mo's West Moon card shows him as a fox demon and scholar.

[Main Story 9-14] Xu Mo quotes the fox's line from "The Little Prince" and MC imagines seeing a fox bounding through the wheat fields too.

I think people can see why foxes are so fitting for Xu Mo but I also want to add that, despite me going on about how virtuous scholars are, in order for scholars to survive the swamp of politics in court, these scholar-officials needed to be extremely sly and cunning and it's actually a good thing to be a "wily fox".

In fact, in Chinese novels, usually the honest and genuine characters are... not the main characters and they reach a tragic end or, if they are main characters, they have to be protected by other cunning leads because good-natured people cannot survive in a mortal world filled with greedy people and their materialistic desires. Laughs hollowly at how all my honest military men biases die horrible deaths or get ruined because of this blunt personality.

Hey, check it out, with Xu Mo's historical Qixi card, [CN Vermilion Lip SSR], and his West Moon card, there's two explicit references to how he's the scholar character.

STORIES OF YOU AND ME

Now, Xu Mo brings up three major stories throughout the game in various places.

First, there's "The Little Mermaid":

[The Little Mermaid ASMR] I was on the fence as to whether Xu Mo relates himself to the Prince or the Little Mermaid, but now I think he's the Little Mermaid. He's different from humans but longs for them and wants an eternal soul.

[Overseas Date] Here we learn that Xu Mo can't yet understand the Little Mermaid's selfless, brave, and devoted love (sorry, but you're way too insatiable, my dear) however he finds himself understanding her last choice. That he can continue loving someone despite the pain they bring him (the Little Mermaid's pain every time she uses her legs).

It's, uh, pretty somber that the version Xu Mo has in his head is the Andersen one where the Little Mermaid dies. He also ends the story there and doesn't add the part where she turns into a daughter of air and still has a chance to get a soul after 300 years to go to the Kingdom of God.

Second, there's "The Little Prince" and its a damn good reference. So, this book is actually MC's favorite book and it's about a little prince who raises a rose on his planet, B612, and falls in love with the rose. But he catches the rose in a lie and gets hurt and, even though they reconcile, he leaves the planet to go on a journey.

On the Little Prince's journey he meets all sorts of people with obsessions and learns life lessons through them, but the most important one he learns is how to love his rose. He crashes down to earth though and meets the person he tells his story to (thus creating this story), but before the Little Prince can return to his planet he gets bitten by a poisonous snake and that's it. The narrator likes to think the Little Prince made it back to his planet and rose though.

In [Sound of Silence SSR Call: The Little Prince] Xu Mo mentions how The Little Prince is MC's favorite book. He also compares MC directly to being the Little Prince and how she's growing like the Little Prince through her experiences. I have a crack theory that MLQC's story could actually mirror this somewhat, especially about MC learning the meaning of love and how that'll save the world LOL.

In [Sound of Silence SSR Call: Beautiful Moonlight] there's another mention to the Little Prince where Xu Mo asks if she can find B612, the Little Prince's home planet. They both hope the Little Prince made it back home.

In [Main Story 9-14], like I mentioned above, Xu Mo quotes the fox's line and it goes: "The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat".

However, let me explain the context and show the full quote. So, the Little Prince meets a fox in his journey and the fox tells the Little Prince to tame him to "establish ties":

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."

[...]

"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat."

The Little Prince agrees and tames the fox. But when he has to leave the planet:

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added: "Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."

[...]

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose..."

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

Isn't this conversation good? I remember reading the Little Prince a long time ago and found it super sad, and now that I'm re-visiting this story again thanks to Xu Mo... well, I understand it better but it's still melancholic LOL.

But, anyway, if we replace the Little Prince with MC and the fox with Xu Mo, this conversation is really interesting. See, the fox is indelibly marked by the Little Prince (like Xu Mo by the MC) and they have made this unique connection between them that will hurt both of them when it comes to the end.

However, this pain doesn't mean their experiences wasn't worth it and that it didn't mean anything. Like the fox says, now he has these memories of the Little Prince that makes life worth living. The fox, before he met the Little Prince, found his life boring and monotonous, but now things are given meaning when they didn't have it before.

On a totally random note, in [CN "In His World" Event] people have taken pictures of Xu Mo's shelves and now we can get an idea of his reading material. It ranges from literary classics (Ayn Rand, Oscar Wilde, Vladimir Nabokov, Charlotte Brontë, and lots of Chinese authors), to research papers (Genome-wide Polygenic Burden of Rare Deleterious Variants in Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy), to things like encyclopedias on flowers, etc.

It'd probably take you years to get through his reading materials LOL. The other guys also have books in their rooms, but I don't remember them clearly. I do know that Gavin has sci-fi books though! Totally not biased. But, I'm sorry, I don't really like reading sci-fi...

Third and last, the most referenced story throughout the game is probably the one Xu Mo made, "The Artist and the Butterfly". I feel like most of us know it by now, but I'll do a translation for those who haven't had the pleasure of getting [Drowning in Love SSR] and its two calls [Artist and Butterfly] and [The Only Color] and because Elex's version is riddled with errors.

Once upon a time, in a secluded castle, there lived an artist. The artist's paintings only had two colors: black and white. It wasn't because the artist loved these two colors, but because in his eyes there were only these two colors in the world.

The artist believed the world to be depressing, so all the other colors were meaningless. But, one day, a butterfly flew in front of him and the artist saw with shock that on the butterfly's wings were all sorts of beautiful colors he had never seen before. The fluttering of its wings made the colors even more lively and charming, and so the artist painted it for the entire day, never tiring.

But the sensitive artist was also afraid the butterfly would one day grow tired of being beside him, and so he thought about catching the butterfly and putting it in a glass jar. Like this, the butterfly would never be able to leave him.

Then, we move onto the conversation portion in [The Only Color]:

Xu Mo: What do you think of this story?

MC: Um... you can't laugh at me when I say this.

Xu Mo: I promise I won't.

MC: I feel like the artist is very relatable.

Xu Mo: ... Relatable?

MC: Mhm, although I don't understand his actions, I can see that he's really stifled and sad. Now, can you tell me what happens after?

Xu Mo: Actually, this is what happens after. Or rather, this story doesn't have an end.

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo: Are you disappointed?

MC: So, not every story has an ending...

Xu Mo: The artist continues to try and catch the butterfly, and even I don't know whether he caught it or not. If I see him again, I'll ask him for you.

MC: Turns out this is a real story?

Xu Mo: Yes.

MC: If you're able to meet that artist, you have to tell him this for me. That he actually doesn't love the butterfly, does he?

Xu Mo: Why do you not think the artist loves the butterfly? If you love someone, aren't you supposed to move heaven and earth to bind them to your side?

MC: But this is too selfish.

Xu Mo: Hah, yes, even I find it selfish. But if he doesn't do that, the artist will likely lose the butterfly. And then his life will be like how it was before; the whole world would just be black and white.

MC: If he really loves the butterfly, then he wouldn't want to see them suffer. Maybe I'm too simple, but for me genuine love is simply loving that person, as an individual, and I wouldn't need a relationship with them. I'd just want them to be happy.

Xu Mo: If you were this butterfly, and there was someone who wanted to confine you to their side so they could keep you together with them forever... would you be willing?

MC: No... I don't think I'd be willing.

Xu Mo: Indeed... exactly what I thought you would say...

MC: Xu Mo... I want to ask you...

Xu Mo: Mm?

MC: Is this story about you?

Xu Mo: I couldn't be the artist, and I definitely couldn't be the butterfly. But if I really did encounter the one and only color in my life, then I certainly wouldn't let them go.

MC: Why?

Xu Mo: Why?... I don't know why either... You don't need to dig to the bottom of everything.

MC: Xu Mo, I'm a bit sleepy all of a sudden...

Xu Mo: Sleep then. Don't be afraid, even if you have nightmares, I'll be here for you.

Gods, I'm going to be endlessly salty over Elex's butchering of these calls, but whatever. WHATEVER.

This is LITERALLY the story of Xu Mo and MC's relationship. And, with this, we are shuffled immediately into my next section.

COLORING EACH OTHER

In [New Light Date] Xu Mo asks "Can you teach me love?" and in [Main Story 5-6] he also asks "Then, will you change me? If we get along together."

The answer is a resounding YES. MC has changed him indelibly, like the tamed fox, and there is only one unique her in his world; he's left the same mark on her, making him the only unique Xu Mo in her world.

(Not to mention in his [CN 2nd Anniversary VIP message] to the players Xu Mo literally says "It's as if under your guidance I've learned how to love".)

In [Firefly Date] Xu Mo talks about how the lights of the fireflies are a danger sign to other creatures (because fireflies eat everything during their larvae form). Then in [Rainfall Date] he thinks the exact same words, that the colors he's seeing emerge into his world because of the MC are a DANGER SIGN but he cannot bring himself to care.

It is not metaphorical in [Rainfall Date]. He's colorblind!

The "Mo (墨)" in Xu Mo's name (许墨) was once his mother's favorite word. This word represents pen and ink, a literary family, and the black and white world in his eyes.

His world is black and white and only by your side can he see colors.

[CN Profile Translation]

Then in [Afternoon Date] there is this exchange:

MC: What do I look like in your eyes?

Xu Mo: ... Colored.

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo: In my eyes... you're full of colors.

So, now that we know MC literally brings color into his life, I'm going to bring back his pen, Iridescent, that he gives MC [Main Story 13-10]. It's a symbol of his love because there's a line that comes from a movie called "Flipped". The Chinese name for the movie "Flipped" is the same as the Chinese name of Xu Mo's [Lovestruck SSR].

“Some of us get dipped in flat, some in satin, some in gloss... [...] But every once in a while, you find someone who's iridescent, and when you do, nothing will ever compare.”

Iridescent is how he sees MC. She literally brought the colors of a rainbow into his black and white world [Rainfall Date].

Now, when we think about his line in "The Artist and the Butterfly" we get... MAJOR ANGST. Because, contrary to his words about not letting the only color in his world go, he lets the MC go again and again and again:

He doesn't catch MC in [Main Story 13].

He saves MC from Hades in [Main Story 16] and then takes advantage of the dream erasing her memories, so she'll have no ties to him or BS (until the next time they meet on the field again, I guess).

Heck, to take this further, in [Memory Palace: The Night Before] Xu Mo traces his previously wounded eye and thinks about how he can barely remember MC's colors and he's going to lose it completely when they meet at the news conference. Then in [Main Story 16-22] MC sees his past all in black and white.

Xu Mo has given up on keeping her colors in his world...

On a side note, I also think he's giving up vividness in his world. In [Rainfall Date] it's implied that the cheerier MC is the brighter her colors are and, I assume, the colors in Xu Mo's world?

There's an intriguing fact in his [CN Profile Translation] too where it says "His sense of taste isn't too sensitive, but it's not completely absent either." What if that fades too when MC isn't around?

Papergames has also mentioned that Xu Mo has glasses he wears to help him see colors (so he can drive safely LOL) but we don't actually see him wear them much except for when he's doing scientific stuff. Perhaps this is a sign about how little he cares about seeing colors in his world if he can't see them naturally (MC-induced colors).

But, hold on, this is a section about how Xu Mo has equally changed MC (it's just, perhaps, more tragic and more obvious with Xu Mo because he only has MC, the sole color in his life, while she has three other guys just lost a friend, mentor, and love interest).

In [Blossom Date] there's an exchange where MC tells Xu Mo that, like how he's told her to take her time growing in front of him [Main Story 9-2], she wants him to take his time going through life. She's echoing his words (and teaching) and, in response, Xu Mo's eyes darken and he thinks about how he's "staining her purity in his colors".

In [CN Archery Date] Xu Mo teaches MC how to handle and shoot a bow and they end up having a mini competition where they both hit bull's eye and get a draw. He's given her one of skills (and a piece of him) again.

Xu Mo continuously gives MC things that he has never given anyone else:

In [Snowy Night Date] he reveals his actual birthday date to MC.

In [Hot Spring Date] Xu Mo reveals that he's never celebrated his birthdays like this, until now with her. Because they probably reminded him of his parents' accident.

In [CN Nightmare's End ASMR] Xu Mo barely remembers his childhood memories (or his real name RIP), and yet he doesn't hesitate to share these memories with MC.

Tangentially related, but I want to throw in here how Xu Mo and MC are described sometimes as having eyes only for each other. I'm sure there's more mentions, but I can only remember these two:

[Main Story 13-8] "Xu Mo didn't respond. He stared at me with a complicated look and I was the only one reflected in his eyes."

[True Love Date] "The girl, with her clear black eyes opened wide, stared at him. The one who was reflected in those eyes was him alone."

My romantic and poetic explanation here is that, because they have pieces of themselves in each other, they're drawn together like magnets!

RUNNING ON PARALLEL TRACKS

In addition to coloring each other with pieces of themselves, MC and Xu Mo are also quite synchronized. He still leaves her confused at times with his intellect, but she can give back pretty good. I will continue to quietly blame Elex for unflattering descriptions of the MC, especially after that call up there, WTF.

For example, [Blossom Date] has Xu Mo quoting a classic poem "Tao Yao" with stanzas 1+2, and MC follows with stanzas 5+6, only for Xu Mo to flirt with stanzas 11+12 (thanks to @love-p for this translation):

1 桃之夭夭 Fresh is the peach tree,

2 灼灼其華 vibrant does it bloom.

[...]

5 桃之夭夭 Fresh is the peach tree,

6 有蕡其実 abundant its fruit.

[...]

11 之子于帰 The betrothed comes home,

12 宜其家人 she serves the clan well.

Then, while Xu Mo doesn't say this unprompted, in [Main Story 13-15] he connects the writing on the wall to 1 Corinthians 13:12. "For now we see through a glass, darkly..."

Then in [Main Story 16-12] MC quotes 1 Corinthians 13:2 at him: "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing."

However, despite being able to follow up with each other like this, [Firefly Date] shows how Xu Mo and MC have philosophies that differ on a fundamental level, and this ultimately puts them on opposing sides.

Xu Mo believes in mistaken Darwinism, the strong survive and the weak perish, and he also upholds a strict utilitarian view about using people's lives for the greater good of humanity.

The progress of science is often accompanied by many failed experiments, and towards those failed experiments Xu Mo will feel regret. But at the same time he believes that it is a kind of honor to contribute to a better future for humankind.

[CN Profile Translation]

MC believes in helping people out, not just leaving them out to struggle on their own, and she respects and believes in the innate dignity of human life and choice.

We see in [Main Story 16-9] that Xu Mo and MC have another debate about their philosophies and it ends without a victor, again, but also them realizing that both of them wouldn't sacrifice the person they love (consolation prize LOL).

There's also an amazing moment in [Main story 16-12] where MC quotes something Xu Mo told her in [Main Story 13-17]: "Only those who have felt pain and despair can reach the truth of this world. So, even if you feel pain, there's no need to give up on what you want to do. Even if that source of light were to disappear, it would immediately regain its light."

It hurts because, what was a motivational speech for MC, is now used against Xu Mo. It further resolves MC about her principles, but the way she throws his words at him to hurt him like that... yikes. To the both of them, honestly, since Xu Mo wasn't playing nice at all there in assuming her hesitance about answering meant she would sacrifice her loved ones.

Anyway, we see that this understanding and knowing (coloring) of each other lets them hurt each other just as bad. I mentioned in a previous post about the [CN Archery Date] that it's interesting to see their relationship as a metaphorical draw. They take and give to each other, constantly, throughout the story and it shows that they're equals. Running to some place, but not being on the same track. We can only hope they're heading to the same place and that they won't branch off and go further and further away from each other (but he's a love interest, so it should be?? okay??).

On a side note, Xu Mo quotes "Graveyard by the Sea" in [Firefly Date] (I've linked an amazing English translation that comes with an analysis of the original French version).

TL;DR is that the poet realizes timelessness does not exist and that, because his mortality is ever looming, he must go out and accept the challenge of life (carpe diem!) because immortality might not lie beyond the grave. You only get this one chance in life and the future is uncertain, so do everything you can to achieve what you want to do.

This is actually another good reference to Xu Mo's ruthless ambition and why in [Blossom Date] MC wants him to rest and take his time moving forward slowly, much like how he tells her to take her time growing with him.

Uh, I realize I may have taken you guys off guard by suddenly bringing up ruthless ambition again but:

[Blossom Date Translation] Xu Mo reveals how much he worked his ass off when he was younger.

Xu Mo: Yes, I skipped grades.

Xu Mo said that casually, without any pride, as if it were someone else's business. But I was deeply impressed.

MC: You spent all your high school years studying?

Xu Mo: At that time, yes.

MC: Why?

Xu Mo: Silly, there aren't that many why's. It's the same as how you were when you were taking your entrance exams, there were things I needed to do.

[Main Story 13-22] "Ares had a smile cold enough to send chills through someone. The blood that flowed to his mouth made him stand out even more bewitchingly, like a flower. He raised his head and ambition roiled in eyes that were deeper and darker than twilight."

[2nd PV] Xu Mo has a line in Chinese that goes "我贪得无厌　想要你的全部" which I believe English translated as "I am insatiable, I want all of you" which is... um, sure. I mean it works! Perhaps it doesn't fully convey how it's like endless greed, the desire and want for more, never being satisfied, and always hungering. That is what insatiable means, but I don't think the word is used commonly enough for people to click onto all of that.

CONCLUSION

LORD, this is massive. Not including this conclusion, whoever has read down to this point has cleared around 7,500 words, so congratulations.

Anyway, obviously, this post isn't supposed to be all "this is the one and only true interpretation of Xu Mo's character" but I wanted to provide some background from a native (?) context that might have been overlooked, because I don't think scholar archetypes are as common in English and Japanese media (the second culture people are probably most familiar with if they're playing otome games?).

Like how you can point out "ah yes, the tsundere, the yandere, the megane, etc." in Japanese media, the scholar archetype is someone you could spot at a glance from a line up of Chinese characters. If I had to choose a similar type they're probably like megane characters... except their EQ and IQ are both high, so they're not cold, logical robots.

Coming back to a summary of all my points, Xu Mo is a complicated scholar archetype and the game also enjoys spicing this concept up with things that contrast sharply against it (the sexuality from his fox characteristics). He's gentle, refined, and knowledgeable, but also has a black belly that shows when he flirts and verbally traps the MC to fluster her (not to mention all his manipulations behind the scenes).

Every scene he appears in seems to say one thing, but show another, and his references make me want to cry when I end up digging too deep in them. Meanwhile, the silence between the lines of his scenes, words, and actions, scream so loudly with evocative and symbolic imagery.

Feel free to dislike him, but I don't think it can be denied that he's a very intricately written character, and that's what all the fun is about liking him and deciphering his raison d'être.

As an aside, I will acknowledge that I've skipped over other references that I couldn't fit into this post but there were things like the [Roman Holiday] movie he and MC watched in [Main Story 5-6] and the song he sings in [True Love Date], "When I Fall in Love", and its relation to [Sleepless in Seattle], perhaps? But @sharinluna has good posts on these already. I haven't watched any of these, so I won't bother to reveal my ignorance on them LOL.

Lastly, I just want to leave everyone with these two lines from Xu Mo, because it draws such a beautiful circle:

So, in his [2nd PV] he says "我贪得无厌" which I mentioned above was something like "I'm insatiably greedy".

Then, there's a call where he says "谢谢你、成全我的贪心，希望你可以相信，无论是过去，还是未来，能让我倾尽所有想要独占的，只有你一人" which translates to "Thank you, for fulfilling my greed. I hope you can believe that, regardless of whether it's in the past or future, the person who's made me want to exhaust all methods to monopolize them has only ever been you."

Such a beautiful full circle, right? You can imagine him saying this at the end of the game or at a wedding, right? EXCEPT IT CAME FROM A KFC COLLABORATION CALL. YES. KFC. I'm crying and I feel like my soul took a hit. It doesn't count... it doesn't count as canon material does it... I mean, he's not talking about the chicken, because this is in response to a confession you get to write as the player, BUT STILL. LOL.

(I secretly laugh at how English would handle that, since they gave him the "I am insatiable" line. "Thank you for satiating me"? HAHA).

Nah, perhaps the true circle is him asking in [New Light Date] if MC can teach him love and then telling us that we've taught him in love in the [2nd Anniversary VIP Message].

#mlqc #mlqc lucien #love and producer #mr love queen's choice #mlqc xu mo #love and produc(ing) meta

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frumfrumfroo · 5 years ago

Note

What are your favorite movies and TV shows outside of SW? I’m looking for new things to watch since SW was so disappointing

My tastes are pretty eclectic, so I will stick to just things that are either similar to sw or are in the reylo-esque romance wheelhouse and have happy endings:

Chuck. It is a goofy, light-hearted action-adventure show with extremely endearing characters and a very prominent central romance (seriously, heavy romance and there is a lot of payoff for it, you will be FED- it's kind of slow burn but also shockingly NOT slow burn, they are deep into it pretty much immediately). The main couple is the classic Stoic Badass gradually softened by an innocent they have to protect who is a liability in battle but full of the Power of Heart. Chuck is The Heart btw. He is of that vanishingly rare male Beauty (of B&tB) type. He's incredibly generous and open, Sarah is prickly and closed-off. It is Quality. Very much a gender-swap of your typical cliche anime couple lol. I would recommend stopping at the mid-season finale in season 4, because it's downhill from there. The beginning of season 3 is very rough, but it's definitely worth it to stay for the back half, imo. There are several great endings to choose from before things go to shit, so we don't need to talk about the finale. Probably the most tonally similar to SW thing possible without being high/space fantasy. More humour, more silly, but definitely has a spiritual kinship. Has the best THE BEST 'secret revealed' scenes I have ever seen in anything. If you're into that and were hoping for that in ep IX, you need to watch Chuck.

The Shop Around the Corner. 1940 romance/drama film. You've Got Mail is a remake of it. Jimmy Stewart being profoundly adorable, Frank Morgan (aka the Wizard of Oz), various amusing side characters, and an absolutely deathless double blind 'secretly in love with the workplace nemesis' plot that can and probably has been a great reylo AU.

Mirromask. Fantasy/coming-of-age film. Touted as a 'spiritual successor' to Labyrinth by the filmmakers (one of whom is Neil Gaiman) and let me tell you, that is extremely apt. Beautiful, magical, laden with symbolism and Mask Discourse, and has a great ship. I quote it regularly.

Speaking of which, I'm sure you've seen Labyrinth? If you haven't seen Labyrinth, drop everything and watch Labyrinth.

Legend (the Ridley Scott director's cut, not the theatrical cut). Sumptuous fairy tale, runs on proper fairy tale logic, stunning to look at and overall captivating. Tim Curry. Tim Curry as a lonely tragic lord of darkness who tries to seduce the heroine and has drippingly overwrought monologues.

Howl's Moving Castle. Fairy tale adventure/romance film. Beautifully animated, has the ending you want.

The Silence of the Lambs. Thriller/drama film. Actual masterpiece. Use it as a gateway drug to read the books and rejoice that Clannibal is canon and it is spectacular. Just SotL and Hannibal, you don't need to read the other two. Stan Clarice Starling and revel in that ending. Most triumphant 'villain'/heroine ship of all time (he is not technically a villain but for shorthand's sake).

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. Terry Gilliam 1988 fantasy/adventure film. THE TRIUMPH OF IDEALISM OVER CYNICS I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW HEALING IT WAS TO WATCH AFTER THE TROS BULLSHIT HIT. Jonathan Pryce's spiritual villain is basically Chris Terrio and it is cathartic to see imagination and sentiment conquer him.

Sabrina. 1995 romance film. Modern fairy tale with Harrison Ford. Rejecting what you thought you wanted all your life for the thing you actually need, growing up but still believing in magic, beautiful character development across all the leads. Could be (and is irrc) a fantastic reylo AU.

The Scarlet Pimpernel. 1934 adventure film. High romance, secret identities, play-acting, people who aren't at all what they appear to be, falling in love with your own spouse, Big Heroism, guile and wit and audacity. It makes me do little kicks like a happy baby. This is one of the 3-5 films constantly tied for my favourite film of all time. There is a good quality rip free on youtube. Watch it and fall in love with Leslie Howard (this is possibly my favourite acting performance of all time).

Oh, related note. Pygmalion 1938 or My Fair Lady. (The musical is based on this film and borrows from it heavily, including its much more romantic ending compared to the original play.)

The Mummy. 1999 action/adventure/romance film. Very tonally similar to sw. A fucking great time, A+ characters.

EVER AFTER. 1998 romance film. The flawless and perfect and best ever Cinderella adaptation. This is the most satisfying film in history, maybe, the ending is so good it is amazing it exists. Also, it has Richard O'Brien being slimy. Huge selling point. Grapples with identity and stewardship, is brilliant.

Fruits Basket. drama/romance anime. I haven't watched the new version yet, but it's following the manga so I know the story. The original anime didn't do the whole plot (because they caught up with the source material) but it's wonderful and I still recommend it. The central ship is (spoiler.........) a B&tB type where we eventually discover the main love interest both feels like a figurative monster and turns into a literal monster. He has an incredible speech about his relationship with people's fear, it makes me weep. I called the endgame from the first episode and always thought it was obvious, but there is a red herring love triangle dynamic. It's really not annoying, though, because it is a red herring. (I hate love triangles)

I am Dragon. Russian monster romance film. Beautiful, simple fable with a really great heroine.

Jane Eyre. 1943 Gothic Romance film. It's Jane Eyre, byronic hero x sensible heroine love story with much atmosphere and Gothic drama. I stan this version because I am an Orson Welles fangirl and I'm also not convinced it can be improved upon. Elizabeth Taylor's film debut btw.

Hellboy. 2004 action/adventure/romance film. Defying destiny, reconciling identity, monster romance. The complete package and a great time. Tonally similar to SW and probably thematically closest to it out of this whole list. Don't watch the sequel.

Beauty and the Beast 1987 tv series. Exactly what it says on the tin. Deals with the classic B&tB themes, but in a different way. He's not cursed and will never transform into an ordinary man. The first season is very episodic and 'case of the week', but the second season gets more into character drama. It's dated, but if you give it a chance you can get past some of the cheese factor and it's really a unique experience. Its concerns are SO atypical that it feels like something fandom would make rather than a mainstream network show. It was so massively, insanely popular with women at the time that a record of Vincent (the beast) reading poetry topped the album charts. Also Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton. Stop at season two. Point of interest: George RR Martin wrote for this show.

Stargate (the movie not the series) sci-fi fantasy about a nerdy guy who accidentally a hero.

Possession. 2009... mystery/supernatural/romance. Okay. This is a whole thing. Lee Pace and Sarah Michelle Gellar. It's based on a Korean film I've never been able to find for some reason, but being Hollywood they ruined the romanticism and nuance of the original in the theatrical cut to make a shitty punative ending. However. If you buy it on dvd and go to the alternate ending (which follows the original story) with around 20 minutes left (scene after Lee Pace's character wakes from a bad dream-go to deleted scenes and select the alternate ending), you will get a very, very interesting character study/thriller/redemption about sincerity within deception, compassion, and a major question about second chances with a positive answer. It's kind of dark and kind of astonishingly idealistic at the same time. The heroine makes a very powerful choice, twice over. It's fascinating. If you're into the conflicted and uncertain period in reylo, the part where he is most ambiguous, and you wanted more of that and much darker shades to it, you might be really into this. Also, it should be noted, there is a MASSIVE height difference and they show it off. The film is flawed (and the seams show on the Hollywood rewrite) but idk, it's fascinating. Shocking to me that they even got to shoot the original ending. It is pretty balls to the wall with its themes on forgiveness.

I would recommend getting into kdramas because there is a wealth of female-gaze tropey amazing content, but always check the ending before getting invested. My all-time fave is the 1st Shop of Coffee Prince, but it's not sw related at all lmao. It has a happy ending with all the elements you'd want, but it's not satisfying in execution, so that's it's major flaw and I find that pretty common with kdramas. One that is maybe more relevant is My Love from Another Star, which has a hero who is a little bit like Ben in personality. The heroine isn't my favourite, though. It does have a decent ending.

Oh yeah- brain fart. Kurosawa films and classic westerns were both very influential on SW. Or you can combine both and watch The Magnificent Seven.

#this somehow ended up a wall of text??? I'm so embarrassed #anyway it should be fixed now #recs #anyway 40s movies are fantastic they used to CHURN OUT rom coms and even the bad ones are entertaining #and they were not in the romance ghetto they had prestige actors and directors #I don't know what happened and why this isn't done now because that shit was profitable #another edit:#I messed up my directions on Possession bc I first saw the alt ending on YouTube from the fridge point #but actually the full thing starts way earlier and covers more of the loose ends than I remembered #so I've fixed that now as well #(because I just rewatched it after writing this rec) and serious SERIOUSLY someone watch this movie and scream about it with me #I can't stress enough how important it is you switch to the alt ending and watch that INSTEAD of the theatrical cut but but but #If you do - OMG the ending is incredible #the coded conversation the subtle optimism #it is a meeting place where we Soft Reylos and the edgier villain/heroine stans can meet in the middle

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creativelyderangedme · 5 years ago

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Breaking Point Chapter 3

Finding himself in Marinette’s care, Adrien tells her the truth.

Want to read the rest of the story? AO3 is updated up to Chapter 7

Chapter 3: The Confession

It had been some time since Adrien had found himself in the comfort of Marinette’s bedroom. He couldn’t actually remember the last time he’d been over, or why, but he clearly recalled the warmth the Dupain-Cheng home had always brought to him.

There was always so much love here. You could feel it practically radiate from every surface. Like the place was somehow imbued with the kind of homeyness you'd only find on the Hallmark channel.

And it felt lived-in, compared to the nearly clinical cleanliness the Agreste mansion always seemed to have. Even his own bedroom felt more like a sterilized lab than a teen-aged boy’s living quarters.

Those who got a chance to see his room joked and swooned over all the things he had.

But none of that mattered to him. Those possessions meant nothing when he had no one to share them with. He’d gladly trade everything he had for a single night in a room like the one he was about to enter.

Climbing up through the trap door, he glanced around and smiled at how much it screamed Marinette. The bright pink walls, the half-finished designs cluttering the floor and the multitude of sketches still in progress and design aesthetics pinned to the walls around her desk. The room was, in a word; organized chaos. Okay, two words. Everything having a proper home in piles and stuffed in overflowing organizational bins and drawers. Things that could not fit or had no propper place found refuge on hooks or dangling from the support beam that stretched from floor to high-vaulted ceiling.

This was a place of creativity and unabashed pride and passion, and Adrien couldn’t help but allow himself a moment to breathe it in, noting the undercurrent of vanilla and sugar that always seemed to make up Marinette’s natural smell.

One of the perks of being the baker’s daughter, he supposed.

“This place smells like the inside of a sugar cookie,” a small voice complained, interrupting Adrien’s thoughts, quickly reminding him of the ever-present being resting in his pocket.

Plagg hadn’t said anything the entire morning, so he’d nearly forgotten he was in his shirt until then, “Some of us might actually prefer that over smelling like cheese all the time,” Adrien mumbled, keeping his voice low to keep from alerting Marinette to the extra presence she’d unknowingly invited into her home.

The little black kwami peaked out, looking around sleepily like he’d just woken from a long nap. Probably had, with how unusually quiet he'd been. “Too sweet for me,” He groaned, but the scenery change must have finally caught his attention as he turned a curious look on his chosen, “My, my, Casanova, finding yourself in a young lady’s bedroom in the middle of a school day?”

Okay, sure, to anyone who wasn’t in the know, this definitely looked bad. But it wasn’t like that. Not that it kept the heat from his face at the insinuations Plagg was making to the contrary. “Sh-shut-up Plagg. It’s not like - I-I didn’t know where else to go.” He sputtering, before meandering to the chaise, allowing himself to drop into its plush cushion and take in not only the room but his thoughts.

Because, again, he was reminded of the lingering question: why was this the place he'd run to in a moment of crisis? But he just didn't have the mental capacity to explore those thoughts in full right now.

Especially not under the watchful gaze of Plagg. No way in hell he’d give him any more ammunition to tease him with.

His shirt shifted slightly as the black cat Kwami released himself from the model's pocket and came flying up to hover in his face, and for a moment it almost looked like he was concerned as he took in the blonde’s features. “You know I’m only kidding, Adrien. Frankly, I’d hide from that liar too. Maybe even much more,” he muttered that last part, and Adrien would have missed it if the room wasn’t so quiet.

It brought a small grin to his face, despite the implications of such a statement, “Thanks Plagg, but I don’t think Ladybug would take too kindly to us using cataclysm on another living being.”

No matter how much said living being might deserve it.

And yes, the thought had occurred to him. Not that he’d ever admit it out loud.

“Offer’s still on the table.” There was a slight shift in his tone that honestly made Adrien believe he was serious.

A scary prospect.

But duly noted.

Adrien chuckled, rolling his eyes, trying not to linger on the idea too long lest he gives in to temptation, “Yeah, yeah. Make yourself scarce. Marinette will be back any second.”

Plagg hesitated only a moment, zooming up to head but him softly on the cheek in a rare show of affection before whizzing off somewhere Adrien hadn’t been able to track.

Despite his insistence otherwise, the Kwami of destruction had been rather soft on him the last couple of weeks. The teasing lacked its usual dig. He'd complain less when Adrien needed to transform - hell, he practically encouraged it. And regardless of Plagg's distaste for getting too emotional, he'd been rather talkative as of late. Coaxing Adrien into talking to him; even if Plagg could only handle 'talking' about that sort of thing for a short period of time. Honestly, his Kwami was probably keeping him saner than he'd given the creature credit for. Left to his own devices and thoughts, there was no telling where Adrien would be right now.

Mentally, the model made a note to himself to pick up some extra cheese for the little glutton. He just hoped the little ball of mischief would stay out of trouble while they were here.

It was quiet again, then. Leaving the blonde to look around the room once more and all the things and feelings it represented that he longed for on a constant basis. The ability to be messy and creative. To be able to stretch out and just be himself. Not having to worry about who would see or judge him or his Father’s business if he messed up or stepped out of line.

No strict rules or diet.

No fashion shows or photoshoots.

No handsy stalker admirers to ward off.

In the process of getting cozy, he found he’d snagged a small decorative pillow that he cradled close to his chest as that last thought hit him.

Everyone just assumed that because he was a model, it was fine to hang all over him. Like he was just another piece of his father’s fashion line someone could try on.

Like he wasn’t even a person.

And of course, he was a guy. What guy wouldn’t want every eligible lady fawning all over him, right? Wrong . Sure, over the years, he’d grown almost numb to it, but that didn’t mean it didn’t bother him. Just cause he was a guy didn’t mean he wanted everyone's hands on him all the time.

It felt like no part of him was sacred. He belonged to his father, and the masses, and more recently; Lila - and the memory of her trying to worm her way into his lap that morning had his stomach twisting uncomfortably.

"So..."

T he blonde startled as he realized his host had appeared while he was lost in thought, tray in hand with a number of croissants and a couple of glasses of juice, sitting it carefully between them on the chaise as she joined him. She didn't look right at him, preferring to stare at the floor as her eyes darted slightly, seemingly trying to find the right words.

Adrien squeezed the pillow he'd been holding a bit tighter, clearing his throat of a lump he hadn't realized had formed, "So..." he mimicked awkwardly, not quite able to look at her either, except in quick glances.

One said glance made him pause as he watched her wrestle with something internally before taking a deep breath and looking back at him with resolution. A kind of steely look that reminded him of a certain spotted heroine and the thought made him pink a bit.

"Adrien... you asked if you could hide here for a bit, and I want you to be able to work through whatever is bothering you. But..." she swallowed, having to reaffirm something in her own head before continuing.

"We're friends... right?" She asked suddenly, changing the direction of the conversation and making Adrien's brow shoot up questioningly. It was such a soft inquiry and he was suddenly frantic trying to recall if he'd given her any indication that she wasn't one of the most important people in his life.

Maybe he was right that he'd done more damage than good stepping up to Lila. Or not stepping up sooner. Those photoshoots and the attention Lila demanded of him didn't exactly make him out in the best light.

"Of course, Mari! Why would you even ask that? You're one of my best friends!"

That earned him wide bluebell eyes, softly accentuated by a rosy tint warming her cheeks before Marinette smiled at him again. The same smile she'd given before she'd shooed him up the stairs, "Then, as one of your best friends, I'm not going to just let you hide."

The confusion was more than evident on his face as Adrien regarded her now.

Did this mean she was going to make him leave?

She must have read his thoughts because she backtracked quickly, "W-what I mean is - over the last month... I've been really worried about you. I see the looks you give when you think no one is watching." That steely soft expression dissolved slightly as she bit her lip at that last part, "no offense... but you look like a caged animal some days."

He had to sputter a chuckle at that. She wasn't wrong.

And the fact that he moonlighted as a cat-themed superhero made it comical if not a bit ironic.

But it wasn't a moment after those first chuckles left him that he felt his vision blur on him and something slipping down his cheeks without his permission.

Tears? Seriously?

He was crying! Like a goddamn child.

"Sorry-" Adrien mumbled, quickly wiping away the offending moisture from his face.

Because of course, he'd choose now of all times to breakdown. In front of the one person who managed to see right through him and see him for what he was. The only person who seemed to look past the fake smiles and the carefully crafted emotions to the guy drowning beneath.

And of course, it would be the very same person he was trying so hard to protect.

At seeing those wayward tears, Marinette's soft features turned concerned, and she brought a tender hand up to wipe the remaining streaks from his skin, "Please don't apologize. You need to talk to someone, Adrien. Even if there wasn't a psycho maniac out there who can take advantage of your emotions, holding things in like this... it's not healthy.” She gave a wry smile that was anything if not a little self-deprecating, “Trust me on this."

God, how did she do that?

How could she be so right all the time?

How could she see right through him and cut straight to the point like that? Like he hadn't spent the last month trying to convince himself of that very same thing. Knowing he was a liability at best and a ticking time bomb at worst.

How was one person allowed to be so amazing?

They sat there a moment in silence, both staring. He stunned and captivated, she searching and careful.

"Do you trust me?"

He wanted to reply so badly. He wanted to confirm for her in the same resolve she seemed to radiate when she got that look of determination in her eyes, but could only find himself nodding in her presence.

"Then, talk to me.” She encouraged softly, tentatively. As if she were afraid the very notion was going to be taken as an insult on his person. She reached out, placing a hesitant hand on his as it perched on his own knee. “Nothing you say leaves this room. I promise. Not even to Nino and Alya. Not even to my parents."

His lips parted, his mouth dry as he was suddenly forced to come to a decision, all while trying to ignore the sudden warmth that blossomed under his skin where her hand met his.

He'd done all of this with the intention of making Lila leave Marinette alone.

Though, if he were being honest, he was also paying penance for his involvement. For basically having told Marinette to leave well enough alone until Lila walked herself into a corner she couldn't lie herself out of.

Was he really protecting her if he told her the truth?

Was it really a punishment?

And if he did tell her-

Adrien's heart plummeted to his stomach as he was bombarded with the what-ifs and worst-case scenarios.

How would she react? Would she hate him? Would she see it for what it was? His attempts to help her in the only way he knew how?

He found himself too afraid to speak. What if he messed this up too? What if by telling her the truth it only made things worse? Marinette was such a strong person. Would she hate that he'd imposed like this? Assuming she couldn't handle all of this on her own? Was that what he'd assumed?

Wouldn't it be better to just keep his mouth shut?

All of that fear came to a startling halt when Marinette wound her fingers with his and grasped them tightly like a lifeline. Gentle. Encouraging. Like she could sense his quick and violent spiral - and for all he knew, she could. She'd proven herself to be extremely observant in the last couple of minutes. Scary observant. Almost Ludybug level observant, which was an even scarier prospect.

Frankly, if she told him right then that she knew he was Chat Noir, he'd be less than surprised.

"I have... a confession..." he muttered before he could stop the words from falling from his mouth. And given his last train of thought, he mentally sorted which confession he meant.

You know, preferably not the one that meant he’d have to give up his miraculous.

Her expression never changed as she willed him to continue.

"The-the reason you were able to come back to school after being expelled. The reason Lila changed her story. I was the one who told her to do that." He chanced, watching her the entire time.

The shift was so subtle. Starting with a couple of fluttering blinks that cued her shock and surprise at this news, like maybe she hadn't heard him correctly and needed a moment to process what he'd said. Then she seemed more confused and concerned with every passing second in the silence that stretched after his confession.

"W-what?" She muttered finally, her voice softer than he'd heard all morning.

He swallowed hard. He'd come this far already. He couldn’t back out now even if he wanted to - and he definitely wanted to. "I told Lila to come up with something to prove your innocence. I made a deal with her so that you could come back."

With each word, there entered a bit of panic in Marinette's eyes and face as she suddenly brought a hand to her mouth.

Here it was. She was upset.

Of course she was upset.

He'd spoken up for her without asking what she wanted. Again. He'd stepped in her way, and now he was going to lose the only person who could see him.

And that knowledge ached painfully deep in his chest.

But that didn't matter right now. He'd take anything Marinette threw at him. It was the least he deserved.

"Adrien... why? Why would you do that?"

His mouth dried as he watched the glistening of tears well up in her bluebell eyes, trying to find the right words, "she was going to destroy you. I-I couldn't just stand by and let that happen. Not again."

He expected a lot of things to happen after that. A slap. A stern glare and talking to. Maybe even a swift banishment from her room before being permanently banned from the bakery for life for his assumptions and actions.

He hadn't expected for the girl who was oddly strong for her size to practically tackle him as she lunged across the chaise and wrapped her arms around him in a crushing hug.

His eyes blew wide at the sudden contact, taking a sharp breath through his nose and finding his mind fogging slightly and warmth flooding his chest and face as he was enveloped with her scent and a sense of... safety. That's the only thing he could call it. Safe.

It was nothing like what he felt when Chloe or Lila or any of his other fans touched him.

He shouldn't have enjoyed it as much as he did. But if this were his punishment, he'd gladly take it.

It was an oddly satisfying sensation that seeped through him; made him relax into her without much thought or effort. His eyes fluttering closed as any semblance of will melted like putty in the girl’s embrace. Tentatively, almost shyly, he wrapped his arms around her smaller frame. Enjoying the feeling of someone he cared for neatly tucked against him.

He’d always known Marinette gave some of the best hugs. But this - this was something else. Something meant only for him.

It was a feeling someone could get addicted to. This feeling of completeness.

So of course, it jarred him when it ended too soon and felt too cold when the girl squeaked before pushing herself back. Staring wide-eyed at him like he'd grown horns or something.

He was suddenly wondering if hugging her back had been a bad idea.

Maybe he’d overstepped his bounds.

Why was this whole situation so confusing?

He was opening his mouth to start apologizing when Marinette scrambled back to where she’d sat previously and began smacking her own cheeks, “Stupid! Stupid!”

No, not just the situation. Why were girls so confusing?

Confusing or not, if there was one thing Marinette Dupain-Cheng was not , it was stupid. And he wouldn't stand to hear her talk about herself that way. “Hey! Stop that!” He grabbed her wrists to keep her from smacking her cheeks again, “Why are you hitting yourself?”

“B-because… you came here looking for someone to help and I wanted to be there for you and then I just throw myself at you!” She groaned loudly, throwing her head back dramatically. Like this was the worst thing she could have possibly done.

And Adrien could only stare.

And then he had to purse his lips together tightly.

Because it was downright comical.

He wanted to laugh out loud in relief and elation.

After everything...

He shook his head at the girl still in his grasp, “You don’t have to worry about that Mari!” He chuckled despite himself, unable to keep it back anymore. Because he couldn’t help but find her antics endearing in the best of ways; even when she assaulted herself. Though, he kept a gentle hold of her writs in case she decided to start slapping again. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve always really enjoyed your hugs.”

She peeked at him from under her lashes and a pout on her lips as she slowly righted herself. Unsure of something. And for the life of him, he couldn’t make heads or tails of what could possibly be going through her mind to make her look at him like that. But he couldn't deny how adorable she made it look.

But he had another more pressing question on his mind.

“Not to embarrass you or anything, but why - why did you hug me? I thought you’d be angry.” He asked, finally releasing her wrists when he was sure her face was safe from their wrath.

“Angry?” She sputtered, then thinking for a moment she continued, “I mean… I might be a little angry, but not because you did it.” She paused after emphasizing the words, rolling her eyes at her own train of thought, her brain working just as quickly as the words forming on her lips, “Okay, yes, fine, maybe I am a little mad because you did. But mostly I’m just upset you did it alone . If you’d told me from the start, you wouldn’t have had to suffer that witch by yourself this last month. I could have been there to back you up.” She sighed, glancing back at him with a darker shade of pink splashing her cheeks, “But… I could never be angry at you, Adrien. Not for long, anyway. Not when you did it to protect me.”

He noted that she’d managed to sid-step his first question, not really answering him. But given the way her body seemed to buzz with anxiety, he left it alone. “Well, I’m glad for that, at least. The last thing I would ever want is for you to be mad at me,” he mumbled, finding more truth in those words than he expected as he rubbed the back of his neck in nervous habit. “As long as you’re not disappointed too. Because every teenager knows that’s much worse.”

There was a second before Marinette all but fell off the chaise in a fit of giggles that sounded like music and Adrien couldn’t help but chuckle with her.

“God, you’re such a dork!”

At least she wasn’t a ball of anxiety anymore. He liked being able to talk to her like this - openly, honestly, or at least as honest as possible given the number of secrets he had to keep. It made him hopeful that nothing would change between them. Or, at least, if things did change, they’d change for the better. It made him hopeful that they’d be able to grow closer as friends.

"You mean it though?" even with the joking, he couldn't help but try and confirm. He wanted no room for misinterpretation. "You're really not angry?

Marinette’s giggles slowly died and she was left side glancing him with a decisive nod from where she sat, “Of course, I mean it. Adrien, you're one of my best friends too. I wouldn't lie about something like that."

And it was like she'd given him his birthday and Christmas all on the same day.

He knew - or at least, he'd always hoped. But hearing it out loud like that was probably the best thing he'd experienced in a very long time. And it was not wasted on him how sad that was as a concept, but he'd address that another time.

Marinette giggled at what must have been the dopiest grin he'd ever given her, "But seriously. I just… I can’t believe you’d do something like that for me. I mean, it all makes sense now - why she’s been so attached to you the last couple weeks.”

Adrien blanched at the reminder, swapping grins for grimaces at Lila’s advances. She sure as hell wasn’t being subtle about it. He’d actually questioned whether the definition of ‘friends’ had changed without his knowledge as she’d taken the concept as an invitation to invade nearly every aspect of his life and personal space. But he shook that thought away. He’d put up with it for a reason. “I just couldn’t believe she actually got you expelled. And after I basically told you to leave it alone, I just couldn’t bear not doing something.”

Marinette’s eyes widened slightly before glancing away, a strange mixture of emotions entering her gaze, almost making her look... guilty, “A-actually… I-I have a confession too.”

A blonde brow rose curiously at her sudden shift, at the nervous tension that overwhelmed her posture again.

“I-I actually,” she cleared her throat, “That is to say, I feared she’d do something like that eventually. I just… hadn’t expected the lengths she’d go to.”

“What do you mean? Why would you assume she’d try something like that?”

The girl bit her lip nervously, watching him, gauging how much she wanted to share. He could see her mentally weighing her words before coming to a decision with a heavy relenting sigh.

“Adrien, Lila threatened me.”

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sweetbunnykook · 6 years ago

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Bad Guy (6)

Word Count: 4,190 // Angst (violence/drug use)

Mob!Seokjin X Reader Mob!Sope

Summary: After a brutal attack in Hong Kong, your marriage with Kim Seokjin cracks as secrets begin to surface and a series of betrayals find their way into the veins of the Hidden Tigers. Although Jin’s devotion endures, in his own definition, the reality of being a mob wife may be too much for you to bear.

No matter how many times you sat down on the same end of the dining table, it would never feel like home to you. Not with Jin’s eyes on your every move; his head snaps up when you drop your fork now and then against the China plate, slicing through the uncomfortable silence with an unpleasant cacophony. He gives you a small, warm smile as if to say ‘it’s alright darling’ before turning back to his orange juice. You don’t smile back, casting your eyes down on the golden French scroll patterns that line the edge of your plate.

You do notice that he drinks his coffee with cream lately. He wanted you to notice, but you refuse to acknowledge it.

Living with Jin hasn’t been easy to say the least, but it has gotten better over the weeks. You can hardly call yourself a married woman. Jin was careful with you; he was careful with the way he touched you, the way he spoke to you. Even when you’d shelled yourself away from him most of the days, he was patient. Too patient almost. Business was thankfully slow, allowing him to stay and take care of you himself instead of a maid or a guard like you’d imagine he would resort to. After the knowledge of your attack spread to Gangnam, Jin’s mob had very little trouble with keeping people in check. No one wanted to provoke the Tigers; one little mistake would tick them off with how brittle Jin already was after seeing the state you were in. Rumors were made that a small mob in Busan completely disappeared overnight because a drug runner made a comment about how all women in the Tigers deserved to be killed and dumped like animals. Most likely a drunken mistake but needless to say, the crime statistics in Busan dramatically increased after the comment reached a lower-tiered member’s ears.

Looks like the rumors weren’t just rumors after all.

You knew your husband was concerned and he refused to show it. He can burn numerous bodies in a single night and come home looking like the husband you once loved. While he’d tried desperately to create a sense of normalcy in the house, it was difficult to live. The air was stuffy, like you could only breathe for a small bit before an unbearable heat pushed and pulled your lungs. You couldn’t thank him for protecting you, because protecting you came at a cost. Yet, you couldn’t hate him either, because you still see the husband in him that you adored back then. It was hard to believe that you’d turned back into the timid young woman from your early college days after what happened. You shied away from him; you couldn’t look into his eyes for longer than a few seconds and you’d stay in bed most days, too sick to your stomach to eat but still afraid of your husband’s judgement.

The nightmares are also just as suffocating as the air around him. It was a constant battle between wanting to jump into his arms or risking it all to call Yoongi and beg for morphine, for heroin, for fentanyl, for anything.

“Are you done?”

You push the steamed broccoli to the side of your plate. “Yeah.”

“You barely ate anything. You skipped dinner last night too,” he comments, speaking each word with such clarity, like you were a child being taught how to function. “At this rate you’re going to lose the only weight you have left.”

Your eyes fell to the omelet and the light salad sitting next to it, barely touched. “I’m not really hungry.”

“Eat the omelet.” He demanded and softened immediately at seeing the way your frown deepened, suppressing a frustrated sigh. “Please, sweetheart.”

Reluctantly, you slide your fork over the neatly folded omelet and made small slits through the yellow length, hoping to stall some time. You spread a small dollop of butter over the pieces and bring one up to your mouth, chewing slowly and swallowing. Your stomach doesn’t agree so you quickly follow the omelet with cranberry juice.

It’s not surprising to see Jin observing your eating habits under serious scrutiny. Losing twenty pounds in the past month raised concerns with Namjoon, who would visit occasionally just to see if he needs to start force feeding you with tubes. You slept very little, creating dark half-moon dents under your eyes. Jin’s worry only increased exponentially when you would wear your old clothes from the closet and see it no longer hugged your figure as it used to. He would leave his clean shirts over the back of your chair, hoping you would wear it like you used to, but with suppressed terror he watches you stride over to your walk-in closet and pull out an old shirt of your own. An old university t-shirt that once clung to your curves now swallows you whole.

Namjoon told him it was going to get worse before it gets better, with symptoms of PTSD and depression surfacing, seeping into the cracks of the peaceful environment Jin tried to create for you in this penthouse. Still, he was nervous as to how much worse you can get before the damage becomes irreversible.

He didn’t know how to bring back your appetite when he didn’t even know if you were willing to give him another chance at fixing his marriage. It’s been a whole month – no, over a month, counting the days of your recovery – and still your existence was like smoke. He can see you, sense you, but you were untouchable.

You stab your fork in another piece of the omelet and brought it up to you lips, chewing slowly as you keep your eyes trained on the plate.

“I was thinking,” Jin started, bringing his hands together in front of him, “if you want to go to Jeju next week.”

You look up at him and he keeps you frozen in your seat with his determined eyes.

“It’ll be nice to go before it gets too cold outside. I’ll take some time off from work and leave it to Namjoon to take care of unfinished business,” he smiles, “it’ll be like a second honeymoon.”

A honeymoon. You couldn’t imagine this trip turning out like a honeymoon when your thoughts were plagued with Hoseok and Yoongi, wondering what they were doing, how they were coping, if they were eating right, if they were hurt, if they will come see you soon. You don’t understand how Jin can think of going on a vacation when you were still struggling to be in the same space as him. You couldn’t imagine keeping that marital bliss you experienced in your first honeymoon, a time when you willingly jumped into his arms with confidence and let him see you so vulnerable, so naked.

You swallow the broccoli you’ve been pushing from one end of the plate to the other and took a small sip of water from the glass sitting next to the glass of juice.

“If that’s what you want,” you responded, voice soft, peeling your eyes away and settling them on your lap.

Jin’s hopeful smile disappears and he sits back in his chair, letting the silence loom over the dining room. You spare a glance back at him to see his tongue poking through his cheeks, eyes now sharp with an intent to harm, making you swallow a ball of saliva stuck in your throat. He fluffs the lapels of his fluffy shower robe to let cool air wash down his anxiety.

“What do you want me to do?”

You clutch the fork in your hand, a tremor running through your body.

Jin slams a fist on the table, making you jump in fear as a soft whine leaves your mouth. Your eyes water immediately and fear floods your veins.

“What do you want from me?” He repeats, his glare pained as he bites down on the inside of his cheek to keep his voice stern. His mind was screaming at him to stop scaring you, but his instinct, the anger that fueled his character, wouldn’t let him.

“I’ve been patient,” he swallows. “I’m trying. I’ve done everything-”

“I want names!” You shout, tears streaming down your face. You sob, bent over your unfinished plate, your body shaking. “I want to know who they are. I want to know i-if you loved any of them-”

“I told you I love you!” Jin yells back at you, standing quick enough to push his chair behind him with the back of his knees. He placed both of his palms on the table and grabbed a fistful of the table cloth. From this angle, you can see the scar over his heart underneath his robe. “I only love you, I only want you, I don’t care about anyone else!”

“You’ve lied to me all this time,” you push away from the table, swaying away from Jin’s voice. Even now, you can barely walk straight, your weak knees resisting your weight. “The least you can do is tell me who you’ve fucked.”

He follows after you, grabbing your arm just before you can walk into your bedroom again and shut him off, shut the rest of the world off.

“I love you,” he pulls you, hand wrapped around your arm, the other hand on your cheek forcing you to look up at him. “Don’t give up on me, sweetheart, don’t do this to me.”

His soft touch on your face, it was all you need to collapse, your forehead crashing into his chest as you wrap your arms around him and breathe in the scent you remembered as home; the smell of fig trees and wood. He held you still, blinking the moisture away from his eyes as he presses you close, let you claw into his skin through his thin robe with your nails. Your muffled screams hurt him more than the old bullet wound on his stomach.

“I want to give up, Jin…I want to give up…” You whimper. “I don’t want my life to be l-like this.”

It has been exactly two weeks since you asked about the women he was with. At first he shared, in fear that if he didn’t you might find him to be dishonest for the rest of your marriage. You asked him which hotels, which bars, if he fucked in public, how he fucked, if he used a condom, if he was drunk. He was willing to share until he realized you wanted to know everything. He knew that if you discovered all the celebrities, daughters of politicians, the women you invited for tea, had shared his bed, it would kill you again. He didn’t want to see it happen a second time; he’d already suffered a life time’s worth of misery the night you were brought into his arms, bloody and bruised. You were already a walking corpse, physically weakened to the point that you couldn’t even lift the pan from the oven when you wanted to make some sweets.

If he told you all, if you’d truly seen how dirty his hands are, you would disappear. And he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he cooed in your ears, smoothing his hand over your soft tresses and kissing you gently on your temples, his tall form engulfing you whole. It scared him how little you are – how small you became over such an insignificant amount of time. “I know I’m awful,” he huffed, holding you closer. “But I’m yours. I’m all yours. So please…forgive me…I won’t hurt you again. I love you so much, I promise I’ll never hurt you. I’ll make you happy.”

It’s during times like these he hoped that he never ended up in this life but it was difficult to deny that it was only because of his blood ties to one of the most respected organized crime family that you were able to be in his arms like this, as broken as you are. He expected this to happen but not this soon. Not after only a little over two years of being together. He should’ve known this would happen sooner than later; you take things to heart easily while he was trained to smother and crush his wants and needs like he crushed skulls under his feet.

You hold him still, taking deep, deep breaths to calm your frantic, bleeding heart. Jin’s fingers smoothed over the exposed skin on your neck, under your jaw, the curl of your ear. He felt like home and you didn’t know how to respond. Yes, he’d hurt you. But everyone you’ve loved in your life had done so in the name of protecting you. Maybe you truly are naïve after all, thinking that the world would have the cushion the characters in your books have, encased in a path already written by the author.

“Jin,” you whisper into his chest, the name smothered in between your gasps and hiccups. “Seokjin…”

Somewhere in your heart you found the strength to see him as your husband who’d done everything for you, even if he’d never confided you on his harsh but necessary decisions. After all, what can you do? A literature student that suddenly became the wife of a powerful individual, doe-eyed as Jin takes your virginity and freedom, forgetting that that is exactly the kind of man he is; he takes, takes, takes. And then, he gives when you aren’t looking, when you still refused to see that every morsel of happiness found with Kim Seokjin came at the cost of infidelities, deaths, and corruption that ran deep into governments and privileged families. Your barely eighteen-year-old mind couldn’t comprehend it during college.

And you still can’t, now. Your heart won’t allow you to, because you have no one left within reach. How would you survive pining over the two men you can never have? How would you find peace when you know that in any hour Hoseok could be bleeding to death on the streets and Yoongi could overdose?

“Where do I go?” You ask, at last, your cheeks against his heartbeat. It wasn’t a question meant for him, but he was the only person who can answer now. “Who do I run to?”

“Run to me,” he squeezed your shoulders. It was meant to reassure you, but you felt oddly uncomfortable by the intimacy. Maybe because Hoseok squeezes your shoulders in the same manner. Maybe because in the last time your lover did so, you unbuttoned your blouse for him shamelessly. Oh how unfamiliar your husband’s hands are now after you have been touched by them in ways he can’t imagine.

He would despise you, just like how a piece of you would always despise him even when you fall to your knees every time for him, even when other women touched him like you are doing now.

You pull back slightly to look at his perfect, soft lips, his jaw, his warm neck and the small scar under his collarbone. With your fingers you trace his shoulders, palming towards his solid chest where his heart beats in a steady rhythm.

He hasn’t changed a bit in these past two years, you realized. The cloud over your eyes lifts and you can now face the reality you created for yourself. How tragic of a curse it is for women to put love over their own safety. You mother did it. Your grandmother did it. Now it’s you.

You meet his eyes and see the warmth Jin feels for you. His dark brown pools have watched murders, mutilations, other women. And they have also watched you as you lean into his face and kissed him for the first time in college, as you whimper softly into the sheets as he first makes love to you, as you shield your heart behind lies.

Your lies, his lies, like a house of cards, will crumble in due time.

“Let’s go to Jeju.”

Yoongi holds the syringe to his forearm, letting the needle press so deep into his skin that blood pulses out of the opening. He squeezes the clear liquid inside, lips parting open as the instant rush cools his veins and then warms again, making him shudder. Even in this state, his thoughts wouldn’t leave him alone; there was no escape, no solace. Days melted into each other; on some days, he would fight with Hoseok to the point that they’ve left visible bruises on jaws, shoulders, chests. On other days, they mourned in peace, thinking of how they’re going to face you again after everything.

They’ve reached a dead-end of their investigation. After pulling apart your penthouse, pulling CCTV camera tapes from months back, analyzing them in full, and using underground sources, they couldn’t find a single lead. The men that Hoseok shot down that night provided very little information too since they were common street thugs with no apparent ties to the Bears. Their purpose was to make money, therefore, they knew very little about what they were getting themselves into.

Yoongi took charge in creating a mask of fear in the underbelly of the city, leaving a mess behind in Hong Kong for the government to clean. Their plan was to create tension within the northern border where the Bears were actively bringing in young people from poor countries to enslave in the red-light district. They’ll leave a few bodies, a few messages, behind and release the naïve youngsters into the public to stir the media with their testimonies about them surviving the most brutal gang in Hong Kong. With Jin’s media-play, the news would distract the Bears enough for them to prepare for full warfare, bringing in mass weaponry from South America.

Yoongi would’ve felt better about the plan going smoothly so far if it wasn’t for the phone call he received from Seokjin, telling him and Hoseok to fly to Jeju tonight and double check the perimeters of the Kim villa. Then, like it was the most natural thing on Earth, Jin simply states that you will be resting at the villa on the private beach near Aewol. The guests around the area would need background checks and any area you would want to walk around will need extra cameras to make sure there was no suspicious activities.

This was a risky but necessary move considering your mental state; he doesn’t question it.

This time, the cameras will have to be made indestructible, unhackable. Yoongi made sure of it himself, utilizing his engineering knowledge in which he was blessed with a natural intuition for. He would make sure you’ll be safe even though his heart hammered in his chest at the thought of you staying so close to the water.

You had once told him that if you ever wanted to kill yourself, you would prefer drowning over everything else. You loved the sea; the smell of salt and the warm glow of the sun glistening on the gentle waves that would lull you to eternal sleep. It was something you’d told him while he took a risk and let you have a taste of his life with a half-empty vial of morphine.

He would never forget Hoseok threatening to put a bullet in his skull the next day when he finds the needle pricks on your arm.

“Do you think she’ll mind?”

Yoongi turns his head towards his partner leaning against the rusty balcony door of their small Hong Kong flat. Their bags were packed and ready to go. In exactly seven hours, they will land in Jeju. By the end of the week, they will see you in the flesh and wonder if your feelings are still there, if you forgot everything they shared, everything they gave you, everything you gave them.

“I don’t know,” Yoongi slurs, eyes on the black bags in the corner of the room. “Maybe…” he starts, then shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

“She’ll see us for who we are, you know?”

“Mm…”

“I doubt Kim would leave her alone. We’ll have to talk about the shit we do in front of her...about how we failed her.”

Yoongi wanted to laugh, but he bit his tongue. “Don’t worry, Hoseok-ah,” he murmurs, turning his back to the man and curling into a ball on the couch. “It’s not like we have much of a reputation to keep with her. It’s not like she’ll leave him for us even if he treats her like shit.”

Hoseok clenches his jaw, eyes darting from building to building, the polluted wind wafting across his face with the smell of iron. “Do you think that little of her?”

“No,” he removes the syringe from his arms and throws it into the garbage can stacked with bottles of alcohol and noodle cartons. “She’s a smart girl…”

The taller man turns around and joins Yoongi on the couch. “But?”

“But she’s a saint.” He laughs, the humor nowhere to be found in his voice. “She’s a fucking saint.”

“I know,” Hoseok chuckles, “but you’ve always had a thing for naïve women.”

Yoongi sighs, a blissful smile gracing his face as he lets the morphine take the rails. “So do you.”

“Surprising, huh?”

He shrugs, digging into the breast pocket of his shirt to fish out a carton of cigarettes. He hands one to Hoseok before placing one between his cracked lips. He doesn’t answer the question and merely lights the end of the cigarette before lighting Hoseok’s and leans his head against the arm of the couch. He brings one leg up and the other to dangle over the couch to accommodate the larger man violating his space.

“Hoseok-ah…” Yoongi calls, softly, smoke falling from his nicotine-laced lips.

“Hm?”

“Should we run away with her?”

The room stills into an uncomfortable silence and even in the drug-fueled haze he knew he’d asked a question he shouldn’t have. This was the one topic they haven’t fought over, maybe because they both wanted to fantasize that they can.

Hoseok sucks on the cigarette, drawing a long puff of smoke into his lungs and holding it still. His forked tongue runs over the butt of the cigarette while he waits and closes his eyes, just until it was too painful to hold his breath, and exhales ever so slowly. He crushes the cigarette against the couch and flicks it across the floor, watching it land in front of the boxy television set that failed to work no matter how long Yoongi tweaked it, insisting that he is an “engineer that graduated summa cum laude” one night while drunk out of his mind. It would’ve made Hoseok smile fondly if it wasn’t for the fantasy of stealing you away from Jin eating away his brain like acid.

He digs into his own pockets this time for a new cigarette. He’ll be needing the entire pack tonight. “Let’s not talk about things that won’t happen.”

“But w-what if it can?” Yoongi stutters and Hoseok stands, marching out of the room and slamming the door behind him. The message was loud and clear.

“But what if it can?” Yoongi asks again to no one in particular, closing his eyes and succumbing to the numbness in his throat.

He goes to sleep knowing he’s a fool. He goes to sleep knowing that ever since that night, Hoseok hadn’t been the same and neither was he. Was it guilt that he sensed from his partner? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to know, really. Hoseok was the closest thing to a friend that he’s had in ages.

Which is why he’s been numbing himself until he can barely feel his limbs are still there. Because he knew that just an hour after he received the phone call informing that you will be in Jeju, he was going to commit a crime that no punishment will deem worthy. He takes most of his savings into a briefcase and fetches a trusted runner boy to make the payment for him.

Just before Hoseok came back into the flat with more alcohol, he’d received the note that the boat will be ready at his command.

Tonight, he made the decision to be anyone. A knight in shining armor. The bad guy. The temporary lover that you used to fill the void your husband created.

He’s going to drag you into that boat himself and take you away from the Tigers and into a new place where you won’t drown anymore under a sea of blood money and heartbreak. This was the last thing he can do for you, for himself. He knows that his body is slowly rotting away. As selfish as he sounded, he wanted to do this for you before he can no longer see your smiling face. It’s not something you want, but it’s something you need if you wanted to live in peace.

He sniffles and curls himself deeper into the couch, fingers hovering over the handkerchief in his pocket that you’d embroidered for him.

“It will happen.”

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precuredaily · 5 years ago

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Precure Day 120

Episode: Futari wa Precure Splash Star 22 - “Super Surprising! Michiru and Kaoru’s Shocking Confession!!” Date watched: 11 May 2019 Original air date: 9 July 2006 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/5PEq8nL Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

vimeo

Before we begin, would anyone like to go on a feels trip?

If you hear the sound of gross sobbing in the background while reading this review, don’t worry it’s just me. Michiru and Kaoru are talking with Gohyaan and Akudaikaan about their failure the previous episode. Akudaikaan loses his temper, lashing out at all in the room and reminding M and K with no uncertainty exactly what their purpose is. He warns them not to hinder his ambitions ever again and they hastily leave. While they stand on Gourd Rock to ruminate some, Gohyaan appears and taunts them some more about their closeness with Precure. He reminds them that if they defeat the heroines, all their problems will be solved.

The next day at school, Mai is quiet and ponderous because she believes the Kiryuus might be from Dark Fall, but she tries to dismiss this notion. The sisters show up and repeatedly flare up their powers, causing Flappi to scream at the burst in dark energy at inconvenient moments (like the middle of a test).

evil eyes: on

Saki and Mai try to talk to the fairies in the hallway, but the sisters appear and Mai hurries off. Saki tells Kaoru that Minori wants to hang out with her again, and asks Michiru to tutor her in math. Their faces soften and they both agree to these things. Then she invites them out to the Sky Tree after school. The sisters go outside and Kaoru reminds her sister that if they wait to defeat Precure, their frustrations might return, but Minori shows up before they can do anything. She is super excited to see Kaoru and explains that she and her mother are there on a delivery to the school, so they may as well go watch Saki’s practice.

a wild Minori appears

They head behind the school near the practice fields, and Mai walks out of the building, notices the three of them, and tucks away to see what’s going on. A stray softball is coming right at Minori’s head, and Kaoru quickly makes it disappear. Mai notices this but before she can say anything, Minori notices her and Saki comes up, asking about the ball. Michiru and Kaoru deny any knowledge, so Saki shrugs it off and invites all of her friends to the Sky Tree while Minori heads off to find her mother again.

When they get there, she instructs all of them to squish themselves against the tree, and feel the calming and positive energy it exudes.

literal tree huggers

Michiru and Kaoru reminisce about the good times they’ve had in the land of greenery, as well as remembering the threat of Akudaikaan. (see the full video at the top) After questioning why she brought them here, Saki says that it’s where she met all of them, so it seems like a special place, and then continues “Do I really need a reason to invite my friends to the Sky Tree?” This surprises the sisters as they’ve never thought of themselves as friends before. They seem genuinely happy for a moment before they remember they’ve got a mission. They clench their fists and this causes Flappi and Choppi to go crazy, so Mai and Saki quickly excuse themselves to talk. Mai tries to explain to Saki that she thinks the siblings are from Dark Fall but the fairies keep interrupting, and Kaoru insists to Michiru that they have to do this. It’s clearly hard for both of them, but they insist to each other that they are proud warriors of Dark Fall, and they prepare their attack.

the absolute anguish

Saki and Mai feel the intense dark energy approaching them and transform before they can even learn who their opponent is.... and so the reveal is that much more dramatic. But the twins do show themselves this time, and there’s no turning back. Bloom is shocked, Egret is more dejected that her hunch was right.

and look at this gorgeous shot. (textless version in the gallery)

Bloom insists that they don’t have to fight, but the Kiryuus insist that they’re from different worlds, and their only purpose for existing is to destroy the Precures and enact Akudaikaan’s will, so they attack. Bloom and Egret block, but refuse to fight back, which angers Michiru and Kaoru. They exchange ideals with the cures, who maintain that they can still be friends, but the twins retaliate that, as all life comes to an end eventually, their vision of a world of ruin, with no life at all, is actually ideal. Egret retaliates by asking Kaoru why she saved Minori earlier that day, and both cures remind them of the nice things they’ve done and promised they’d continue to do, to prove that they’re not truly evil. Saki insists that they’re all friends before they’re warriors, either of peace or of Dark Fall, and she refuses to fight her friends. The speech seems to be working, you can see that Michiru and Kaoru are being swayed, but they are still too afraid of the consequences of failure and double down on their words, before leaping into the air and diving towards the Precures, as the scene freezes and the credits begin to play.

Here we are, at the emotional peak of the journey of Michiru and Kaoru. All the cards are out on the table and they have made the choice (under duress) to put aside their personal feelings and emotional attachments and fight Saki and Mai. I honestly think this hurts them more than the Precures, because deep down, they don’t want to do this, and as much as they try to bury their feelings, they can’t help but to bleed through. There’s a clear hesitation that wasn’t there when they debuted, and they barely hide their emotional attachments to Saki and Mai. They no longer call each other out for helping, making connections, and otherwise getting involved in the lives of the heroines. They hype themselves into fighting, and maintain that they have a responsibility to Akudaikaan even when it’s clear that this goal differs from their desires. They take pause at Saki and Mai’s rejections of their fate and insistence that they’re still friends. They don’t want to do this, but they feel like they have no choice.

Normally, Michiru wears the mask and puts on the act of being friendly to the humans but secretly dismissing them, while Kaoru is more straightforward about her feelings, good or bad. It’s because of this difference in personality that Kaoru is the first one to insist that they drop all pretenses at the Sky Tree and defeat Saki and Mai, while Michiru is initially reluctant (and borderline crying).

seeing them display this kind of emotion would have been unfathomable a few weeks ago

She knows their mission deep down, but she’s allowed her friendly persona to become part of her, and she doesn’t want to fight them. At the same time, Kaoru reminds her that there’s no choice. Regardless of their feelings, they will always be warriors of Dark Fall and that’s the duty they have to fulfill. I don’t want this to read as though Kaoru simply doesn’t care, though. Arguably, she cares even more, but because she doesn’t hide her true self as much as her sister, she is better equipped to see the options in front of them: they cannot keep dodging this matter, they have to confront Saki and Mai and admit that they’re from Dark Fall. If they don’t, Akudaikaan will destroy them himself. Neither of them thinks that their friends will be accepting of their identities, because they come from the side that has been trying to destroy them and everything they care about so how could they possibly remain friends? It’s kill or be killed, so Michiru and Kaoru choose to take a stand for their lives rather than their true principles. However, Bloom and Egret’s refusal to engage and fight back does start to sway them. Mai calls out their hypocrisy particularly well:

The villains are given pause by this, for a moment they falter and lower their guard. Mai has seen through their facade, and wants them to realize the truth they’re denying about themselves. It almost works, but when Saki calls them their “friends,” that triggers a response. That level of intimacy is still too uncomfortable to them, they won’t allow themselves to become close to anybody but each other, and this challenge to their core beliefs makes them retaliate. They reiterate that they were created, given life, for only one purpose: to serve Dark Fall. If they aren’t enacting Akudaikaan’s will, they are betraying that purpose, and don’t deserve to even exist at all. So they fight back, out of fear and loyalty. The villains who fight against their own hearts, and the heroines who refuse to fight because of theirs. What will be the outcome of this clash of ideals? Find out in the next review.

There is one bit of symbolism involving Michiru and Kaoru that I only just realized this episode, and I am furious at myself for not catching it sooner, with how much I’ve talked about other symbolism involving them:

If you’re standing in the teacher’s position, Kaoru sits in the back left corner, Michiru in the seat ahead of her, Mai sits in the back right corner, and Saki sits in front of Mai. Their positions mirror each other, in much the same way as Michiru and Kaoru are mirrors of Saki and Mai. If I were to read further into it, Saki and Mai sit by the window (the light) while the Kiryuus are furthest from the sun’s light, representing their dark nature. I do not know if there’s some Japanese mythology, folklore, or superstition about what side of the room you sit on, beyond the obvious anime trope that the second-from-the-back on the left is the Main Character Seat so they can stare out the window.

Before I wrap up, have some truly sincere Michiru and Kaoru expressions:

The next review will either be tomorrow, or in a week. I want to do some comparing and contrasting with Kiriya’s arc in FWPC, but I don’t think I’ll have a lot of free time tomorrow to write, and as I mentioned, I’ll be on a road trip for a few days. Hopefully I’ll be able to jot something down, I want to wrap up the Kiryuu arc before the trip so I can start into the back half of the show when I return. We’ll see where the wind blows. Whenever the review comes, look forward to it!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 0 Zekkouchou Nari!

Miracle Drop Count: 1

#Precure #Pretty Cure #Futari wa Precure Splash Star #FWPCSS22 #PCD120

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jessethejoyful · 6 years ago

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the art school au no one asked for

I decided I wanted to try writing a carry on fic and they say you should write about what you know so - read it here or on ao3

Baz is a painting/drawing major, Simon is an animator, and much problem ensues.

BAZ

At the end of every spring and fall semester, the art school hosts a student showcase, so we can gain experience with exhibitions and the like. I thought about entering a piece, one of my paintings, but I deliberated long enough that I missed the deadline. Which is absolutely fine, because everything from this semester felt like garbage to me anyways. I was trapped somewhere in my own headspace - but, anyway.

I wander through the student show, my eyes passing across the canvases and sculptures. Mentally, I have to keep my nose from wrinkling at some of them (how did these kids get into an art school? Is there actually any criteria, or do you just have to toss paint on a slab and say please?). Some of the students are standing next to their pieces, obviously brimming with pride. There’s one boy stopping anyone who is unfortunate enough to glance his way, and asking them a barrage of questions. (“How does it make you feel? Which one is your favorite? How much would you pay for this?”) I avoid him carefully, giving him and his creepy multi-face painting a wide berth.

It’s something of a surprise when I come across a laptop, set up on a podium by itself. That’s not art. But when I wander up to get a closer look, I realize it’s an animation reel. I’ve come up at the tail end of someone throwing a ball at a wall, which looks nice but is rather boring. I’m about to turn away when it changes to another clip.

The shot begins on a girl, curled in on herself, and a moment of her finger tapping the white space beneath her. And then she shoots up, arms flaring wide, head tilting back, and I’m blown away by the style of it. It’s not normal 2D animation, but a sketchy, wild style that somehow carries a lot of emotion just in the chaos. The video follows the girl, a ballerina, through a routine that I imagine would be heart-wrenching if it had music with it. Even without, I feel a pull in my chest, watching the obvious pain that flits across her shadowy and angular face.

I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s beautiful.

The scene ends with the girl knelt down again, her back heaving as she breathes heavily, and I realize I’ve been holding my own breath. It comes out in a rush as the reel changes again. I expected something just as amazing, but instead have my eyes assaulted by an ugly, gritty-looking clip of two stick figures beating the shit out of each other. I feel the scowl rise on my face and narrow my eyes at the name attached to the podium.

Simon Snow - who the fuck would name their kid Simon Snow? Sounds like the heroine of some sappy young adult novel. Maybe it’s an alias for a less idiotic name.

I straighten and adjust my jacket, eyes flicking back to the screen in the hopes that the ballerina clip was back, but instead it’s moved on to some boring clip of fish leaping from a river. My scowl deepens, and I move on, refusing to return to the laptop. Anyone who would put such a stupid video in a showcase deserves no more of my attention.

The name Simon Snow flits through my head now and then over the summer, while I serve coffee at a small, artsy shop near campus. I wonder if he ever comes in, but no one claims the name Simon for their cup, and eventually I forget about the reel, and Simon Snow, entirely.

Until the start of the new term, when I’m carrying my supplies into the art building, my heavy bag hung painfully on one shoulder. A girl’s voice shrieks, “Simon!” and I’m nearly bowled over as she dives by me, and I register a mane of frizzy red hair and warm brown skin, similar to my own.

“Sorry, Basil!” she squeals as she barrels away, and I’m startled enough that it takes me a moment to reply.

“How do you -?” But she’s already gone, down at the end of the long corridor and throwing her arms around a tallish boy with wild bronze hair, freckles so numerous I can see them from here, and a laugh that reverberates through the hall.

That’s Simon Snow?

Shit.

SIMON

Penny surprised me in the art building, but I was glad she did - she’d been gone all summer to study in Italy, and I’d missed her like I’d miss my left hand. She spent nearly two hours chattering to me about the different sites she toured, the museums she visited, the food she’d eaten, and I listened happily, grateful to have her voice filling up our cozy flat again. It had been far too empty without her.

I don’t know how she does it, but Penny is double-majoring in art history and sculpture. She’s dead brilliant at both of them. I was royally fucked in my own mandatory art history class until she started helping me. We’ve been friends since high school, so she knows I’m shit at studying, but I managed to brush by with her help. Thank God - I wasn’t eager to repeat that class. The professor nearly fell asleep at his own lectures, I don’t know how Penny can stand him, and he’s her faculty advisor.

Despite the heavy course load I signed on for this semester, I’m glad to be back at it. I spend summers feeling off-center, like I lose my sense of direction for a few months before wandering back from the wilderness in September with leaves in my hair (it’s a feeling that’s kind of hard to describe).

Animation is a lot more work than anyone outside of the field realizes. I don’t think I even realized it when I started, but now I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything else. Watching my pieces come to life on a screen is like a drug, a high that’ll never come down.

But it’s exhausting.

During the semesters, I spend more time in the computer lab than out of it, making use of the huge tablets and desktops provided by the school. Penny will come hang out now and then, but I get so scary focused and quiet that she usually gets bored and wanders out after a few minutes. She fell asleep there once, half-off her chair, and I let her sleep, waking her up around two when it was time for us to walk back to the flat.

Now we’re only a few weeks into the new term, and I’ve already fallen back into the habit, chatting up the lab’s student assistant before I claim my spot in a corner, ready to work until I pass out.

I try to keep an eye on the clock, but I get so into my work that hours pass without my notice. When I realize I’ve been there for coming on six hours without a break, I force myself to drop my pen and sit up, feeling my back creak in the process. I think I’ll go heat up one of the frozen meals I’d thrown in the student fridge last week; I can feel the hunger creeping up in my stomach.

It’s so late, just past midnight, that barely anyone is around. I’d work at home if I could, but the equipment is so expensive that I can’t really afford my own, with only a laptop and a shitty knock-off tablet that I use for personal stuff. The cord is fraying and half of the time won’t connect, but it does what I need.

I’m shocked when I amble into the student lounge to find a guy digging through the fridge, the room around him so dim that the bright white light makes him look pale, like a vampire. But when he closes the door and stands up, I realize he’s got almond brown skin, and grey-green eyes like a deep lake. And he’s scowling at me.

“Can I help you with something?” he snarls, clutching a carton of cream, and I’m immediately caught off guard by the aggression in his tone.

“Yeah mate, you’re in front of the fridge,” I say slowly, pointing. His cheeks darken and he steps away, heading to the counter where there’s coffee brewing. Neither of us says anything for a long bit, while I pull my food out and chuck it in the microwave.

Out of the corner of my eye, I observe him, trying to take stock. The half-up bun and long sleeve black button-up seem about right, but I’m surprised by the massive black combat boots, giving him an easy extra two inches in height.

Finally, because the silence is deafening, I say, “Working late, then?”

His answer is abrupt. “Yes.”

I try again. “My name’s Simon.”

“I know.”

I furrow my eyebrows at him, fed up. “Want to tell me yours then, or are you just going to keep being a dickhead?”

This clearly startles him, looking at me with wide eyes and saying his name, two quick syllables. “Bas-il.”

“Bazzzz-il,” I drawl, dragging out the z sound present in that ridiculous name. His lip curls, actually curls, and I’m almost impressed before something occurs to me. “Wait. Not Basil, as in T. Basilton Pitch?” There’s no way there’s multiple people in the world with a similar name, let alone this school.

“The very same.” I’m floored. This is the prat whose art I always notice in the halls? Every time I see an impeccable figure study or a breath-taking oil painting, the name ‘T. Basilton Pitch’ is always attached underneath.

Five minutes ago, if you had asked me who I thought was the most talented in the building, I would’ve said Pitch immediately. But now that the arse is standing in front of me, antagonizing me, I’m not about to give out any compliments.

“Oh. I’ve seen your work in the cases.” The microwave beeps at me, and I fiddle with it before saying grumpily, “S’ pretty nice.” Damn. That sounded more sincere than I’d meant it to.

“I’m flattered, I’m sure,” Basilton says sharply, before loudly dropping his mug into the sink and disappearing out the door. I throw myself down at one of the tables and start shoveling mashed potatoes into my mouth, annoyed now.

T. Basilton Pitch.

What a tit.

PENNY

It’s 3 am when Simon finally wanders in, squinting even in the darkness, dragging his feet like he’s left lead in his shoes. He always does this, pushing himself to the edge of exhaustion and probably ruining his eyes in the process.

And then he has the audacity to try and lecture me. I’m reading by a soft lamp when he comes in, and he snaps at me about damaging my eyes, by reading in such dim light. I raise my eyebrows at him and flip the book shut. “Who spit in your tea tonight, Simon?”

He glances at me apologetically, dropping his bag onto the floor before throwing himself down on the couch beside me, head resting on my hip. “Basil,” he growls, as I absentmindedly run my fingers through his curls.

“Oh, met him, did you?” Simon sits up and looks at me sharply.

“You know him? How?”

I shrug. “He was in my Drawing II class. Put the rest of us to shame, with his drawings and his shit attitude. The professor told him to shut the fuck up once when he made a girl cry, and he just sneered at him. It was quite a scene.”

It had been a real scene. I make a point not to be friends with assholes, but I remember I couldn’t help being a little bit fascinated by this tall dark prat, who looked ready to throw hands every time the professor said anything. And it hadn’t really been his fault that girl started crying - we were in the middle of a peer critique, and Baz told her in somewhat harsher terms that her anatomy was way off.

She’d just started bawling. It was embarrassing for everyone.

I tell Simon as much, and he seems genuinely intrigued. “Maybe he’s just an asshole to people he doesn’t know,” Simon says slowly. “Maybe if I’m nice to him, he’ll be nice back.”

“Simon, not everyone’s like you. Like if a golden retriever became a human.” He looks almost offended at this. “Baz is endlessly contrary. I wouldn’t put money on even you being able to befriend him.”

“Penn, come on. Everyone needs friends.”

I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

BAZ

Three days after I officially met Simon Snow, I’m still kicking myself for the whole thing.

Seeing him up close had just been too much. This dead handsome idiot, standing over me at nearly one in the morning, staring at me with his mouth open - far too much for my sleep deprived brain. I’d gone and made a complete ass of myself.

It was the first time I’d left my studio that day, just looking for a coffee, and my brain had stayed behind.

Honestly, though, it’s probably all for the best. I’m too fucking queer to have a guy that good-looking around on a regular basis. (What is up with all those freckles? He looks ill. I want to draw the constellations on his face.)

When next I see him, it’s thankfully from a distance again, far across the campus green. He’s got two girls with him. I recognize one of them, short and stout with that mad frizzy hair, but the other is a complete stranger. Even far off, I can tell she’s beautiful, even to my gay ass. (I’m gay, not blind.) She’s the kind of beautiful you can’t help but notice. Waist-length honey blonde hair, a perfect figure, expensive-looking clothes and high-heel ankle boots, though they still don’t make her as tall as Simon.

Too late, I realize I’ve completely stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, gaping at them across the lawn. My eyes lock with Simon’s, and suddenly he breaks out into this enormous grin.

I might be a little fucked.

Simon is saying something to the girls and then jogging toward me, and my time to escape has fled. Not that I could’ve - that smile was so much I think it rendered me briefly immobile, gluing my shoes to the pavement.

“Hey, Basil,” Simon greets me sheepishly, stopping before me and rubbing the back of his neck. He looks so carefree, in loose jeans that somehow look good, and a graphic tee partially covered by a paint-stained hoodie. He rips the green beanie off his head and shoves his hands through his orange curls, making them stand on end. And he’s wearing these massive circular, wire-framed glasses, and I’m mesmerized.

“...Hey?” I say, cursing myself for letting it come out sounding like a question. Simon doesn’t even seem to notice, his smile smaller now but no less painful to look at.

“Look, I wanted to apologize for the other night. I was completely knackered, I’d been in the lab for hours and was feeling a bit grouchy.” To say I’m startled by this apology is putting it lightly. I’d been rude first, what is he apologizing for? Defending himself?

Maybe just this once, it would pay to play nice. I glance over Simon’s shoulder, where the two girls were still watching their interaction, waiting. “Er - it’s alright. I’m - sorry as well. I was barely functioning that night.” Simon’s face lit up at my mostly friendly response, and I think I might be barely functioning now.

“Penny and Agatha and I are going off campus for a bite, you wanna come along?” Agatha must be the other girl. I vaguely remember the name Penny, some distant memory from second semester. But there’s no way I’m up for that much social interaction today; just this interaction has nearly killed me.

“Ah, I’ll - have to pass,” I choke out. “I’ve got a date.” Simon looks surprised before I finish, “With my studio.”

There’s no way it’s relief that flashes across Simon’s face at that amendment. No fucking way.

“Oh, right, then,” he says. “Another time, then.”

Weary now, I try to smile, but I think it must look like more of a grimace, before I stride away.

“Basil!” Simon calls my name and I turn back to look. Now that I’m looking at him, he seems not to know what to say, his hand pulling awkwardly back to his chest like he’d been reaching out. “Uh - good luck with the painting!”

“Cheers,” I reply, walking away then without looking back.

SIMON

I’m wandering back to the computer lab that evening when I notice the light on in the studio labeled T. Pitch. It’s pretty late, already after ten, and while I’m not surprised Basil is still here, I’m a little curious. I’d grabbed a few scones from the bakery Penny works at before coming back to campus, with a mind to eat them later - but maybe Baz would like one. I’d heard Penny call him Baz, and I can’t blame him for the nickname. I wouldn’t want people calling me Basilton either.

I wonder what the T stands for? Could it be something worse than Basilton? Is that possible?

I knock twice on the door of the studio before turning the handle, surprised to find it unlocked. Baz is clearly shocked to see me, jerking his hand away from canvas he’s working and yanking his earbud out.

“Christ - ever heard of knocking?” All this guy seems to know how to do is snap and snarl. I’m already bristling.

“I did knock.”

“Well, you’re supposed to wait for me to say come in.”

“You’ve got headphones in.”

“Exactly.”

I force myself to take a deep breath, before I hold up the pastry bag. “Thought I’d bring you some food. You seem the type to get sucked in and forget to eat, am I right?” I can tell by the defensive look on his face that I am. “Look - don’t say anything. Just take this, alright?” I take the wrapped pastry from the bag and toss it too him, and he’s not too bewildered to catch it. “Have fun, yeah?” I back out the door before Baz can say anything else and snap it shut.

I don’t know what I expected. Some declaration of gratitude? I’d never expect that of anyone, let alone that prickly bastard. That’s not why I do things for people.

But fuck, was it too much to even be civil? I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so grouchy. He’d seemed to quiet earlier, soft, almost. Shy. Maybe he’s bipolar. It wouldn’t surprise me whatsoever.

Or maybe he’s just an asshole.

I continue onto the lab, spinning my chair so the back touched the desk, and straddle it, resting my chin on the cushion. Penny yells at me that I’m going to ruin my back sitting like this, but it’s comfortable, so I always ignore her.

I’m struggling with a frame I’m working on, unable to get the flow right between shots. It makes me blink out sometimes, when I get really stressed by something that isn’t meshing. Normally I’d take a walk, but I’m not so sure tonight. What if I run into Baz? I’m pretty sure I’d deck him at this point, I’m so worked up.

I should probably just call it a night. I look at the close - 2 am. Yeah, I’ll just call it a night. I flick the light off as I leave the lab, letting the door shut behind me.

As I walk by the private studios, I notice Baz’s light is still on.

I keep walking.

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banditchika · 6 years ago

Text

himari: bro we are bandmates

fandom: bandori

ship: tsuguhima (with some... interesting implications)

words: 2461

ao3 link

"You... what?" Tsugu's eyes were wide and round. Her soft pink mouth fell open, the way it always did when she was surprised or confused.

Himari stared, then realized she was staring and looked anywhere else. The stuffed squirrel that Ran had won Tsugu a few years back had never seemed so interesting. It was weird to pay that much attention to a friend's lips, right? Probably. At least, Himari thought so.

She hoped Tsugu hadn't noticed. She didn't want to make Tsugu uncomfortable—any more uncomfortable than she already was, anyways.

"I mean—I was just thinking," Himari stammered. "Only if you wanted to. You don't have to agree!" She tried for a reassuring smile, but Tsugu gawked like Himari's eyebrows had suddenly transformed into caterpillars. Huge failure!

But okay. That was fine. Himari could salvage this. She picked at the charm bracelet around her wrist, the delicate metal hearts and music notes warm from her skin. "It's just that we haven't had our first kisses yet, right!? I don't wanna be, y'know, bad at it when the real thing actually happens, so... um."

"So you want to kiss me?" Tsugu tugged at her collar. Her forehead was pinched, the choppy fringe of her bangs sitting at angles above her brows. Himari wanted to smooth that furrow away.

She also wanted to fix Tsugu's bangs, which were never ever properly styled and which were the result of letting Afterglow near her hair with scissors, but one thing at a time. She was already asking a lot from Tsugu, and even if every bone in her body screamed at her to play it off, play it off, keep it cool, say it was a joke—she had to get Tsugu to say yes, because Himari wanted this so badly.

"I mean... it makes sense for it to be you!" Himari shrugged as carelessly as she could, channeling some of Tomoe’s easy confidence and coolness. Yeah. Himari was so cool, she asked to kiss one of her very best friends in the world like, every day. "You're also single, right?"

"I am, but technically, none of us are dating ..." Tsugu mumbled, dragging her gaze from Himari's face. "You could ask Moca-chan. She'd probably say yes right away."

"Yeah, but you know how Moca is with me! She'd never let me live it down," groaned Himari, flopping over their workbooks. She stretched her arms across the low table, reaching with grasping fingers for Tsugu, whose frown cracked into a faint smile. She rested her hand over Himari's, warm and delicate and soft. "Ran too—she'd think I was weird if I asked her, and you know how she and Moca are!"

Yeah, those two? No way, no way! Ran wouldn't even need to say anything for Moca to find out. When it came to Ran, Moca always seemed to know. If Himari went to Ran, there was absolutely no doubt that Moca would be leaning against her desk the very next day, eyebrows waggling and leering hard enough for Himari to cross her arms over her chest.

"Yeah..." Tsugu's voice was very soft. Himari turned her cheek to follow Tsugu as she rose from the table, knees popping, and curled up on the bed. She clutched Ran's stuffed squirrel to her chest and peered at Himari from between its ears. It was cute—the super special, Afterglow-only Tsugu-brand cute. "That's right, huh? They're always on the same wavelength."

There was something about Tsugu's voice and the way she watched Himari that had her heart stammering. Like someone had smashed a ball right into Himari's stomach, driving her breath from her lungs and Himari to her knees. Thank goodness she's sitting. "Yep, you get what I mean, right!? And I can't—I just can't ask Tomoe, y'know?"

Tsugu hummed thoughtfully, and Himari’s stomach churned. This wasn’t a “tennis ball in her gut”-ache; this was a “ran too many laps in the heat and am about to pass out” kind of ache, and Himari hated it something terrible. It made her feel off-balance, askew, and for once Tsugu wasn’t holding a hand out to catch her.

“Mmn,” Tsugu said at last. She slid off her bed, setting the squirrel on her pillow the way she usually served tea; like she was afraid she’d slip, and everything would break. “I think I know.”

“Yeah,” Himari sighed, and it sounded a little too much like an admission for her tastes. Tsugu watched her from the bedside, her hands tucked into the pockets of her cardigan. She was probably thinking very... Tsugurifically. That was her concentration face—eyes closed and lips turned down into something like a frown, but Tsugu was too sweet to wear anger very well. Mostly she just looked worried and stressed.

And this? All Himari’s fault. She regretted ever opening her mouth.

“Y-you know what, Tsugu? Just forget about it, it’s alright!” Himari slumped down in her seat and tugged sharply at the ends of her pigtails. “I didn’t mean to make things so-! I’m such a bad friend for asking this of you, I’m sorry—”

“Huh? Wait, Himari-chan! I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it.” There was a heavy thud, and Tsugu clasped Himari’s hands between her own, staring up from on her knees. “I was just… thinking it over, that’s all.”

“Aaah, hold on!” Himari shoved her chair back. She knelt, eye to eye with Tsugu, and—didn’t she see this in a drama once? Was she the swooning heroine here or one of several brooding love interests?

Tsugu cupped her face. Oh. Yeah, no, Himari was the heroine in this situation. Definitely. Either that, or Tsugu was the kind of protagonist to dip kiss her brooding lover in the rain, and—yeah, she had to admit, that checked out too.

Tsugu was pretty Tsugurific all the time, everywhere; it shouldn’t surprise her that Tsugu wasn’t the type to go easy here either.

But while part of her wanted to close her eyes and let Tsugu do—whatever she wanted to do, Himari had morals! Concerns! Moral concerns, and she had to get them out of the way before any kind of kissing happened. “Wait, Tsugu! Ts-u-u-gu! Hold up!”

“Eh?” Tsugu dropped her like a used pad. “W-what’s wrong? Are you having second thoughts?”

“No, I still wanna do it!” Himari’s voice cracked embarrassingly. Wow. Okay, she wasn’t looking too cool right now. “I mean… I just want to be sure that I didn’t make you feel like you had to or something. I don’t mean to be pushy or force you, or…” Himari snapped her fingers, trying for the right words. They evaded her. She settled for waving her hands around, shooing imaginary flies away. “Like… you know?”

Tsugu nodded slowly. Himari’s chest swelled, and her eyes prickled with a familiar burn—that was the best part about childhood friends! They always understood you, even if it wasn’t always perfect. There was no one who knew you better and no one else that could fill in the gaps so well or easily. Himari really was so lucky to have Afterglow, and in this moment, to have Tsugu.

“You’re not pushing me, Himari-chan. I wasn’t sure at first because it’s kind of… um.” Tsugu closed her eyes, deep in thought. “Mmn… weird? It’s kind of weird for you to ask, I mean.”

Kind of weird for her? Specifically her? “Hey! That’s not a compliment, isn’t it?”

“But it’s not much weirder than usual!” Tsugu chirped, pumping her fists. Himari mimed being shot in the heart and doubled over. Her brow brushed the mesh of Tsugu’s tights, and oh—it was so easy to fall into the rhythm of Afterglow’s usual banter that Himari could almost forget what they were doing. What they were about to do.

Tsugu pushed her back up. Her face was painfully earnest when Himari looked to her, round brown eyes and rosy cheeks and faint, dimpled smile. “So… I’m okay with it. Really, Himari-chan, you don’t have to worry about me. We can do it together, if that’s what you want.”

“R-really?” Himari clasped Tsugu’s narrow shoulders. “Really, really!?”

“Yes, really, really,” laughed Tsugu, and before Himari could crow or cheer or laugh or—or even prepare her heart—Tsugu put both hands on either side of her face and leaned in.

The kiss was… nothing at all like what Himari expected. Tsugu’s lips were a bit dry, and Himari’s felt as though they had too much gloss. It kinda felt like if Tsugu kissed even a little harder, her lips would just go sliding down Himari’s chin and into her lap, which was definitely not the best friend zone at all!

She didn’t really have the experience to tell whether or not it was a good kiss. Their lips slid against each other, pressing a little too hard, then too lightly, and Himari wasn’t sure whether she should breathe. Breathing was kind of important, right? Was Tsugu breathing?

(She was pretty sure Tsugu was breathing. She was tracing circles at the hinge of Himari’s jaw with her thumbs, and that took oxygen. Himari hoped she wouldn’t stop.)

Were there fireworks? Nah. Stars and hearts? Definitely not.

But Tsugu’s hands were warm. They pulled her in, and Tsugu kissed carefully, gently, as though Himari could take off at any moment. Which was weird because—because Himari wanted this. She wouldn’t run off for no reason, not when she was the one who asked.

Maybe because it was Tsugu. Maybe because it was technically her first kiss, even if she wasn’t sure it counted because—well, you know. But Himari liked this. It was nice, and Tsugu was nice. She asked the right person, after all.

Himari’s cheeks were flushed when Tsugu pulled away. Tsugu’s lips were shiny with Himari’s watermelon gloss, and she swore she would catch on fire when Tsugu licked her lips, looking thoughtful.

“That was… um. Thanks so much?” Himari offered, because Tsugu. What the fuck.

“Y-you’re welcome.” Tsugu covered her mouth with her hand. Her dark, dark eyes were wide, like she couldn’t believe what she had done. Himari couldn’t believe it either, and she was the one Tsugu did it to. “Was that…?”

“Oh! Oh boy, uh—that was good!” In the streets, a dog broke into a chorus of barks. Maybe Himari had finally done it: at last, her voice had reached a pitch that only animals could hear. “It was really good, Tsugu!”

Tsugu smiled, reddened cheeks dimpling. She sat with her hands in her lap, prim and proper even while Himari felt as though she should be fixing her hair, her lipgloss, unbuttoning her shirt… something that wasn’t staring at Tsugu’s lips, trying to figure out her kissing sorcery. “Waah… I’m glad.”

Tsugu said it so quietly, with so much pleasure that Himari couldn’t help herself. “Uuu… Ts-u-u-gu!”

“Ah!”

They went crashing as Himari flung herself on top of Tsugu, burying her tears in the soft fabric of Tsugu’s favorite cardigan. “Ts-u-u-gu, thank you sooo much-!”

“Um, is this really something you should be thanking me so much for?” She sounded like she was fighting back a giggle, but smoothed her hand over Himari’s spine anyways. “This is kinda embarrassing, Himari-chan…”

“You’ve saved me! Goddess Tsugu!”

“Ahahaha… that’s definitely too much.”

Tsugu helped Himari back to her chair and handed her tissues. Himari blew her nose and, squinting, tossed the crumpled wad of damp tissues into Tsugu’s deskside wastebasket. Point and score for Uehara!

Tomoe was the big one in Afterglow, sure, and Moca’s athleticism was really terrifying, actually, but Himari was a star tennis player! She was practically a jock by Afterglow’s standards.

Wait. Oh, shit. Wait.

Afterglow.

How was she…

How was she going to tell them? Himari’s good mood evaporated. She swallowed, cold sweat chilling her temples, her neck.

She used to love the swings when she was little. She’d swing up, up, up, and when she went as high as her little grade school body could take her, she would slip off the seat and tumble onto the grass, where Tomoe would laugh and Ran would watch her with huge, admiring eyes.

She felt like that now. But instead of landing on grass or spongy playground foam, Himari felt as though she’d crashed into earth. Her ears buzzed. It was—wow, it was kind of hard to breathe.

Tsugu was bustling about her room, satisfied that Himari was satisfied. Himari watched her. If… if it was Tsugu, it would be okay, right? Tsugu wouldn’t get mad at her. Tsugu would understand. Yeah, Tsugu had always been the most gentle of them; she hated it when they fought and always tried so, so hard to please.

She was too sweet to wear anger well. Yeah. Yeah, Tsugu wouldn’t mind.

“Hey, Tsugu?” Himari’s voice was distant even to her own ears. Tsugu turned, and Himari couldn’t even look at her face. She stared instead at the squirrel on Tsugu’s bed. Its blank marble eyes almost seemed accusing. “Can you… um. Is it okay if I ask you for one more favor?”

“Sure, Himari-chan. I’ll try my best. What is it?”

“Can you… can we keep this a secret between us? Like, not tell Tomoe or Ran or Moca.” Moca had a way of finding this stuff out on her own, but Himari wouldn’t make it easy. She only hoped that Tsugu wouldn’t either. “I don’t really want them to know.”

Tsugu was silent.

Himari licked her lips, and they didn’t taste familiar. Maybe it was because most of the gloss was kissed off. Maybe it was the guilt. “N-not because it wasn’t good or anything! I’m grateful, really. I am. I’m just… just…”

“It’s okay, Himari-chan.” Tsugu’s voice was strained. Himari chanced a glance at her. She was staring at her neatly-marked calendar and very carefully not blinking, lips pressed together in a trembling line. She tried to smile anyways, and Himari’s heart plummeted. She was awful. Terrible. The absolute worst. “I, um. I understand.”

“Tsugu!”

“No, really I do!” Tsugu cleared her throat. “I-I think I should go check on the cafe? It’s about—um.” Her voice broke. “About rush hour now, so Mum and Dad might need some extra hands...”

She rounded the table and Himari didn’t dare to stop her when she passed.

Tsugu tugged the bedroom door open, narrow shoulders hunched up to her ears. “Mum’s trying out a new cake recipe, so I’ll bring up a slice in a bit! Just stay put, okay?”

“Alright…”

The door clicked shut, and Himari was alone. She pressed her forehead against the table. Tears burned down her cheeks, and Himari couldn’t suppress a shaky sigh.

Stupid.

#bandori #uehara himari #hazawa tsugumi #tsuguhima #peents writes #aka... past tense means bandit's going to be VERY melodramatic on main #anyways himari's a lesbian so deep in the closet she's found the white witch of narnia #and tsugu's had a horrible unrequited crush on mrs. aoba-mitake ran for years and she's so tired of fifth-wheeling #please. let her live. let her smash. it's what she deserves

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laurinebruder · 7 years ago

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Countdown: Top 3 Fairy Tales Used in Retellings

Fairy tales are my bread and butter as a writer. When I was young, I was introduced to them via the Disney Renaissance movies: The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin, most notably. As soon as I saw them in theatres, I had to read about them. As I grew older and the internet became a thing, I read more about fairy tales from other parts of the world and gained access to some of the older versions of my old favorites. These tales are my foundation as a fantasy writer.

My favorite tales were always full of magic and wonder. I even liked some of the pure morality tales, like “The Girl Without Hands” or “The Red Shoes.” My imagination flew as a child and the very first story I wrote was about a girl who lived in a magical volcano. I didn't even know who Pele was at the time, otherwise I would have given her credit. I devoured any book that had to do with witches, wizards, magic, and mystery.

So the surge in retellings has made me a happy reader indeed.

Retelling tales isn't a new concept, given how often fairy tales were translated into different languages and adopted to different cultures, but the modern upswing has gone far beyond that. Favorite, beloved stories are transformed until they're almost unrecognizable. Some are used more often than others, but which ones are the most popular? What elements about them draw writers and readers alike into their worlds? Welcome, dear reader, as we look at the 3 most popular fairy tales used in retellings and why we keep coming back to them.

Certain fairy tales have a more timeless feel than others. Their stories resonate with readers for generations. They inspire us centuries after their creation and touch the most fundamentally human parts of our hearts. When talking about fairy tales, these could be considered “The Big Three” in how often they're used in retellings.

1. Beauty and the Beast

Thanks to Disney's critically acclaimed animated feature, this tale catapulted to popularity, but even before then, people knew of it. Whether it was the more commonly published Marie Leprince de Beaumont or Andrew Lang version, the original publication by Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve, or even the myth of Eros and Psyche, the tale of a girl who falls in love with a monster, only to discover he's in truth a handsome prince, has been known for ages. It has charmed and enchanted readers with its magic, romance, and mystery.

But what about this tale encourages so many retellings?

Let's take a look.

At its core, “Beauty and the Beast” has a universal message: the transforming power of love. It isn't just the Beast's transformation to handsome prince, but it's how a person changes themselves for someone they love. It's about how we as people want to be our best possible selves when we're in love and how that change takes time. “Beauty and the Beast” is one of the few fairy tales where love grows over time. It reflects real life and that powerful message of love is something that resonates with humanity as a whole.

There's also the message of kindness and how it shouldn't be denied to anyone, man or beast. To deny kindness is, in itself, a beastly behavior and what caused the prince to be transformed in the first place. When he is shown and gives kindness, he becomes less a beast and more a human being. This kindness resonates in a secondary message of looking beneath the surface of a person to see the beauty within.

Fairy tale heroines were the original beauty queens. They were fair, delicate, and good. They shone with virtue. The heroine in “Beauty and the Beast” is no exception. She is a good, dutiful daughter, the most beautiful of her sisters, well-read, and the purest of heart. Their princes were handsome, strong men, to match the heroine's beauty. Not the Beast. The Beast was such a prince, but becomes what would usually be the monster of the tale. It takes kindness and courage on Beauty's part to look past his exterior and see who he really is. Her strength and caring resonates with readers young and old.

“Beauty and the Beast” has the most potential to be shaped into a new version of itself. Its basic, touching messages combined with elements of magic, romance, and mystery are wonderful ingredients to create new tales as old as time.

2. Cinderella

Although I love “Beauty and the Beast,” I have to admit that “Cinderella” is my favorite fairy tale of all time. “Cinderella” has always spoken to me in ways that other stories didn't. There are thousands of versions all over the world, from every culture, but the oldest recorded version is of Rhodopis, as told by Strabo, a Greek geographer. The most well known versions are by Charles Perrault (“Cendrillon”) and the Brothers Grimm (“Aschenputtel”), but the first European version was published by Giambattista Basile (“Cenerentola”). Each version has its differences, but what is it about the story of a young girl who goes to a ball that compels writers to retell it so many different ways?

The core of “Cinderella” is no less powerful than “Beauty and the Beast” but it has a dark side: this is a fairy tale of abuse and the power of hope. In both Perrault and the Grimm versions of the tale, the Cinderella character is forced into a life of servitude after her mother dies and her father remarries. Also in both tales, and what makes it far worse, is that the father survives and allows this abuse of his only child. It's a sad state, but often seen in reality: children neglected and abused by their parents, the people meant to protect and love them. When, or if, they survive, it's a marvel of personal strength and character.

Despite all of the insults, chores, and sorrow heaped upon her, Cinderella never gives up hope. She never loses her kind nature, which takes strength all on its own. To resist abuse, to resist falling into the pit of hate and hopelessness and anger, requires an iron will and great courage, something often overlooked in Cinderella tales.

The message of hope, of never giving up, is one that also resonates through the changing times. Humanity itself exists on hope, going all the way back to the tale of Pandora's Box, and it's the one thing we keep with us, always. Because Cinderella has hope and courage, she is able to retain her good heart in the face of adversity, and is rewarded for it. While the real world isn't so kind, and having a good heart isn't a guarantee of reward, we still hope. We hope that somehow, someday, that strength will be rewarded.

Cinderella may have wanted a night off and a pretty dress to go to a party after a lifetime of slaving away for her family, but she's so much more than that. She's strong. The kind of strong modern readers want in their leading ladies.

3. Snow White

I have to admit, “Snow White” isn't one of my favorite fairy tales, although I do like some of the recent retellings. Originally published by the Brothers Grimm in 1812 and called, “Schneewittchen,” it obtained its final version in 1854. It's one of the few fairy tales that doesn't have prior origins but is strictly native to its homeland of Germany. In comparison to the other two on this list, it's relatively young. Funny that, because it suits the main character perfectly. Snow White was around 7 years old when she was chased from her home by her stepmother (originally her mother in the first published version) and while Disney aged her to 14 years, she's still incredibly young and innocent.

Not to mention beautiful.

On the surface, Snow White embodies little of the strength of character that Beauty and Cinderella do. In the original tale, her father remarries and her stepmother comes to hate her, she is not made into a servant. She is still allowed to live as a princess. It's only until the queen can no longer contain her jealousy that she orders Snow White killed.

While Snow White faces greater hardship, in that someone actually attempts to murder her, she never saves herself. Her innocence leads her to fall for the queen's tricks 3 times, making a total of 4 attempts, if you count the huntsman. The dwarves are the ones who save her from herself and naivete. The prince saves her when the glass coffin she sleeps in is dropped and she spits out the bit of apple. The core message could be about innocence, and how the wicked try to kill it, but I think “Snow White” has a different appeal.

Rather than a universal message, it has a villain who has become beloved by the masses: the evil queen.

Jealousy is one of the basest human emotions. Everyone, myself included, has been jealous of something or someone at one point in life. The sheer dislike, anger, and sense of injustice against someone else possessing what we covet is the darker side of the human psyche and one that's explored briefly in the Brothers Grimm tale. The queen's jealousy is fueled by her obsession with two things: beauty and, to a lesser extent, youth.

In the original fairy tale, the queen is a pure villain. She has no background to justify her motives behind wanting to be fairest in the land. She simply wants it. When Snow White becomes more beautiful than her, she wants to kill the child and eliminate the problem. She has no qualms about murdering her own stepdaughter and attempts to do so multiple times. At the end, she goes to the wedding to kill the young bride, not knowing it's Snow White, so deep is her obsessive need to be the fairest of them all.

But why? What drives this obsession?

That's what writers around the world have done when reimagining and retelling the “Snow White” tale. They delve into the backstory of the queen. Writers are drawn to this type of character, who can be given a complex and compelling background to explain how she came to be and the reason behind her obsession. The possibilities are endless and it frees the imagination in a way that “Beauty and the Beast” and “Cinderella” don't.

Neither story has such open characters. Both the queen and Snow White can be reinterpreted, Snow White could be given a gun and a backbone, the queen could be a lonely girl forced to marry a man she doesn't love, the list goes on and on. That, I think, more than any universal message is what draws writers into using Snow White in their retellings.

Plus, who doesn't love a story about a wicked queen trying to poison our heroine and the heroine actually doing something about it?

With 3 such rich tales, it's no wonder the market has exploded with retellings. Some of the more recent ones include the Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer, the Throne of Glass series by Sarah J. Maas, and “The Shadow Queen” by C.J. Redwine. More are being released every month. I, myself, am looking forward to reading, “Forest of a Thousand Lanterns” by Julie C. Dao, released just this month. Funny enough, it's a “Snow White” retelling, featuring the Evil Queen and set in East Asia. Fairy tale retellings are emerging from all cultural backgrounds and to a voracious book dragon like myself, that is the best tale of all.

Thanks for stopping by, dear reader, and look for new blog posts on Tuesdays. I've got a secret project in the works that I'll be posting updates about with my posts so look for that in the future too. Please like, comment, or reblog if you enjoyed this post, and until next time, it's lights out at the lookout.

#Laurine Bruder #amwriting #writerblr #fairy tales #retellings #writing #top 3 #Cinderella #Snow White #Beauty and the Beast

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goron-king-darunia · 7 years ago

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Roast 10-Year-Old Me.

So, when I was, like, 10 (hard to know because the story isn’t dated) I wrote a little illustrated story and oh boy is it bad. I’m going to transcribe it here, with spelling errors and pictures included. Anyone who wants to can roast me because I was 10 and even I’m roasting child-me because child me was a dork. Please enjoy! How I came to be with you

I never knew my child hood withought Knuckles with me. When I came of age Knuckles told me of a great power that I had to achieve. “You must brave great dangers withought me, weapons or any protection.” as he told me this he also told me that I had no choice. He said, “If you don’t go you can never come back, you may die, but your not my resposibility yet.” he told me I had one day to prepare and then I must leave. So that day was my last day, tomorrow I would have to leave. that day I went to Station Square bought a large napsack, said good-bye to my Chao fearing I wouldn’t see them again. I bought a few blankets and bought some food, a cooking pot, a box of matches, and 2 cantieens (Knuckles told me I could bring a Chao to keep me company.) Then I set up my stuff and got ready to go. So I dropped by the drug store and bought some medicine and bandages and went back to Knuckles’ place and packed my bags.

[Image 1 description: A green and orange backpack with two pockets and a bottle holster sits surrounded by a small, blue box with a picture of a lit match labeled “Matches”, a nondescript brown bottle labeled “medicine” with scribbles underneath, and a green disc-shaped bottle labeled “Suprime Cantine.”] I still had vacant space in my bag so I went out with my Chao and got some herbs and berrys. I also made some sand witches and other snacks.

[Image 2 description: A line up of several items with each labeled. From left-to-right, top-to-bottom, they are: A white, loose square with a brown border labeled “sandwiches”, a collection of leaves labeled “Basil”, a spiky green ball labeled “parsly”, several long, green, colored pencil lines labeled “chives”, something that actually kind of looks like a rice ball labeled “Rice balls”, a brown torpedo shaped object labeled “hotdogs”, the most spherical rendition of a strawberry you have ever seen labeled “strawberries”, a pile of select Chex mix pieces including the corn Chex, the square and round pretzels, the wheat bagel chip, and the mini breadstick labeled “Chex Mix”, a purple and pink version of the same shaped grape-bunch objects labeled “Blackberries & rassberries”, a vaguely burger shaped object with a sesame seed bun, a beef patty, and lettuce with nothing else visible labeled “cheeseburgers”, and finally 2 blue pomegranate shaped objects labeled “blue berries.”] After I had picked enough to fill my bag I got out a handkerchief and picked more. When I had all the supplies I could carry I set off on my journey, but not before Knuckles told me the way. “To complete your task you must go over those far mountians and I will meet you on the other side, that is if you live. I will give you a week to get over those mountians otherwise I’ll asume that you are dead and leave.”

[Image 3 description: Brown mountain like objects jutting up from a green patchy field. On the left are green scribbles of various shades that are likely meant to be trees. The shapes get much more stretched and warped as they go toward the right side of the page, eventually ending with a large dark green blob. I’m not entirely sure what all these are meant to represent and they may have just been lazy trees or fields. In the blue sky over a pass in the mountains is a big red arrow pointing toward what is presumably the heroine’s destination.]

So, Knuckles flew off over the mountians to wait for me. So, I started and went on my journey. I hiked up the hill ‘till I could hike no longer, ate some and slept. I did this for 2 days and then I had to over come the most dangerous thin g ever.

[Image 4 description: On a sloppily crosshatched black (or rather, grey) background is the drawn outline of a egg-shaped head surrounded by a frill. Two batlike but otherwise featureless wings can be seen on either side of the head and a claw with three digits can be seen on the left side. The face includes two distinct fangs in an incomplete mouth, two nostrils, and a noticeable flap added on with solid red narrow eyes. The entire thing looks very flat and there are no other details.]

[Image 5 description: A towering dragon appears. It is white with a black frill with a rainbow border on the edges. The face has defined scales, the arms have some attempt at scaling and the rest of the body is a lazy crosshatch. This time a definite muzzle can be seen, but the head is still very egg shaped and flat looking, as is the body. The tail has spines along the dorsal edge and ends in a round club. White featureless bat-shaped wings are still emerging from the head and not the shoulders. The eyes are more slanted now, nearly converging, and there is an attempt at angry eyebrows. The nostrils and two fangs are still present, so at least that’s a continuity win. The sky is black and the ground is white. On the ground there is the silhouette of a young girl with legs apart and arms outstretched and a tiny Hero Chao being lit by huge flames. The fire is made of red and yellow teardrop shapes overlapped. There is a dry tree or perhaps a skinny bush in the foreground at the bottom left that is also being silhouetted by the fire. the shadow it leaves doesn’t quite match the branches but the attempt was made.]

I was face to face with a real dragon. I fought hard and long I swung at it with my only weapon, my fist. Unfortunatly I missed, it struck me down and bit me when I swung at it again. I tried to get up and fight, but I was poisoned so badly it was a challenge just to get back on my feet. When I finaly got up I noticed that the dragons was wounded and that when it had bitten me it had left a tooth in my arm. As quick as I could I pulled the tooth out of my arm and with an unknown power (perhaps it was the instinct I enhareted from Knuckles to keep fighting) I managed to bring the dragon to it’s death. I had just then realized that (with a special secret power) I could remove the dragon’s wings and attach them to myself and fly the rest of the way, but I was badly hurt so I cleaned my wounds and took a rest. The next day I took whatever I could of the dragon (teeth, scales, wings, anything and everything I could) so I could prove to Knuckles what I had done. Now I got ready for flight and attached the wings strung the dragons teeth into an anklet, a bracelet and a necklace. Then I took off for the place I would meet Knuckles, but just as I lifted from the ground I realized what I had done, I had killed another living creature with my own bear hands, weather or not it tried to kill me and I realized what I had to do. It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t pay my respects. I built a monument. I could feel that my Chao was as sad as I was. After I paid my respects I took off.

[Image 6 description: A blonde heroine with messy hair kneels(?) over a small carved(?) stone rectangle with an orange marking on it. The stone is surrounded by three lit tealight candles. Behind the monument is a bush, obscuring the heroine’s lower body. The heroine is seen wearing a light blue T-shirt with several tears, under which many bloody cuts can be seen. On the heroine’s right arm, a large bleeding puncture can be seen. There is a necklace of many canine teeth around her neck. On her left is a Hero Chao with a white and blue body with red wings.A large sun is seen peeking up from below and behind the heroine, leaving a red streak in the blue sky, presumably indicating sunrise.]

My journey was finally over. I reached the mountan where I was to meet Knuckles. When I landed he looked surprized as if he hadn’t planned to see me. I told him the whole story and he told me this “I am very proud of you, you are some thing I could never be, you see I’m personal, but it never shows because I piled a brick wall around my emotions when I was young, but you have a gate on your brick wall.” “What do you mean?” I aksed. “I mean you have emotions. I don’t have any weak spots which made my life miserable, but you broke that brick wall , now I understand some times it’s good to cover your emotions, but having no emotions is worse than having your feelings hurt. You showed me something today and I’d like to say ‘thank you’.” so from that day forward I lived with Knuckles with new adventures yet to com.

[Image 7 description: The heroine stands beside an approximation of Knuckles the Echidna on a green field. The wounds are more or less in the same place so continuity win. Both of them have sparkly anime eyes. The paper where the heroine’s face is drawn is noticibly warped from having too much pressure applied when coloring. There is a panel between them with a red glowing heart as they gaze at each other. The panel, to my memory, was added because I let someone read the story and they vandalized it.] Two friends, no matter how different are reunited, and are now more understanding of each other. THE END @aery-child @actualaster, @kitareyo, @unicorn-spew @biophilie @hannikka And to anyone else who read through this: PLEASE ROAST 10-YEAR-OLD ME! I’m dying at how bad this is. I’d roast myself but it’s killing me. This is also probably obviously self-insert garbage, but just in case you didn’t know, the heroine was my childhood version of me, I guess.

#original #my writing #my art #me as a kid #roast me

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key2destne · 7 years ago

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Yo just RNG five or six questions for each character yourself, I'm answering right now. Ray, Dashy, Dustin, and Kenshi~

Ray (1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 14, 16, 18, 19, 22, 23, 25), Dash (2, 3, 4, 15, 18, 22, 24, 25), Dustin (4, 6, 10, 13, 14, 15, 18, 21, 24, 25), Kenshi (1, 2, 7, 8, 13, 15, 18, 20, 22, 25)

Alright, let’s get this started!

Ray:

1: their voice

Being a bit of a harsh bastard, Ray tends to make his voice sound rude and uncaring- but that’s an actual choice on his behalf. Whenever he’s actually open about how he feels or he’s not trying to be hard on everyone and everything, he’s actually much quieter and his voice goes a bit lighter. He’s still got a fairly deep voice though- I’d call him a baritone bordering on bass.

4: their insecurities

Pretty much everything in Ray’s life is an insecurity. The reason that he keeps people away by acting like an uncaring bastard is so that he can’t get close to people- it’s a terrible way of thinking, but in his mind, it works. If he actually is close to someone, he’s still going to constantly be worrying about how to keep them happy and not have them leave. And then there’s his constant fight with his darkness, which of course he’s worried about failing... yeah, those are just the insecurities he has on an hourly basis.

5: their shortcomings

Well let’s see... He’s direct to a fault, swears worse than a sailor (though most of that is an act to keep people away), has darkness issues which stem from his short temper, has difficulties dealing with bullshit... His less obvious shortcomings, though, tend to be more about how he deals with things. He prefers to try and handle things on his own, even if it’s clear he needs other people to help him- it’s a result of having to do a lot on his own for a while. And he kind of sucks with puzzles.

7: how they like to dress

Ray kiiiind of dresses like an anime protagonist when he’s ready to fight. He likes how it looks and it has NOTHING to do with looking badass. Nothing at all. Aside from that, he likes jackets and jeans, and he’s willing to suffer through heat to keep that look dammit!

8: what they like to eat

Ray... actually tends to not eat a lot. Sure, he’ll eat, but more often than not he’s too busy training or doing something else. When he does eat, though, he likes to gorge on donuts and seafood- it reminds him of his home, in a weird way.

14: how they react to burning their tongue on food

“OW! WHAT THE FUCK!? Owww!” Then he’ll just stare at the food in horror as if it betrayed him, whoops. XD

16: their dreams

More than anything, Ray wants his home back. He misses his family, and knowing that it’s his fault he can’t ever see them again... well, it hurts him, a lot. So he does try to find out how he can bring them back... but in his heart he knows it’s a lost cause, no matter what he does.

18: how they sleep

Ray tends to sleep curled up into a ball, or while leaning against a wall. He doesn’t feel comfortable sprawled out- it makes him feel like he’s open to attack.

19: their reaction to betrayal

Well... pretty bad, let’s say that. owo’ If he even thinks someone turned on him after he let them in, he gets pissed, and his darkness tends to encourage him to... well... try to kill them. He tries to fight it unless it’s obvious the person actually did betray them, but oh man, he does NOT like betrayal if he’s close to the person, especially since it ties into his insecurities about people leaving him. If they’re not close, he’s more apathetic- especially since he has no reason to actually care about them.

22: what they're like on two hours of sleep

Lol, Ray’s constantly on two hours of sleep. He tends to keep himself awake until he runs himself into the ground- although after training, he does like to take a quick nap just to keep himself from getting too tired.

23: how they act when they’re sick

Ray pretty much ignores it. It doesn’t matter if he’s got pneumonia or what, he’ll keep trying to train. If he can’t push through it, he tends to get depressed and think he fucked up somehow.

25: why you enjoy them

Well for one, he’s an edgy fuck. Those’re fun to write. XP But more importantly, he’s an interesting paradox. He doesn’t want people to get close to him in case he hurts them or they hurt him, and yet at the exact same time, he’s dying for someone he can open up to and not be such an asshole to. When he gets it, he’s grateful, but he’s terrified he’ll fuck it up somehow, so he’ll still try to keep his walls up somewhat.

He’s a walking conundrum of feelings and problems, and that’s what makes him human to me- especially since I’ve tempted to be that way before too, even though it’s a terrible idea. He’s the living embodiment of a question mark. XD

Dash

2: their smile

Dash’s smile is the kind that practically screams confidence. She knows what she’s doing, and if anyone gets in her way of doing the right thing, they’re gonna have hell to pay!

3: their greatest achievement

That would probably have to go to her first forged weapon she ever made. It was shitty, and would probably break almost immediately if anyone ever tried to actually use it in a battle... but it was still the first thing she ever made herself, and if nothing else, she’s proud of that.

4: their insecurities

Surprisingly, Dash has a few. Sure, she’s a good fighter, but she’s worried about how good of a hero she’ll be- not to mention when she finds herself in a position of leadership. She’s constantly questioning how good of a leader she is, how she’ll lead, what to do to help others... And if she ever fails them, she tends to blame herself and take responsibilities. That’s not even getting into why she’ll never ever talk about her dad, or want to see him- she’s worried about how he’ll react to her running away from home.

15: how they react to a brain freeze

Well, Dash never really got to have a brain freeze, so the first time that happens she kind of dropped to the floor clutching her head in pain. XD Afterwards she tended to tough it out, but that first time... ho boy, that was painful for her. XD

18: how they sleep

Dash just kind of... sprawls out onto the bed. One leg’s off of the mattress, she’s drooling onto her pillow... It’s an adorable mess to watch.

22: what they're like on two hours of sleep

When she’s on two hours of sleep? She’s pretty much dead on her feet. As soon as she sits down on a desk, she’s moving to nap on her arms, she’s that exhausted.

24: what motivates them

As I’ve mentioned in her backstory before, it was her uncle’s stories about heroes that made her want to be a hero herself. But... well, it’s also the right thing to do. She wants to help people, and be as good an influence as she can be! She just... kind of has to learn what that means a little bit first...

25: why you enjoy them

She’s a fun character to write for~ A blacksmith heroine who wants to save the day and uses a hammer? What else could you ask for? owo Aside from that, she’s got the sort of energy that makes her dialogue and thoughts flow naturally, where it feels more like she writes herself, and less like I write for her.

Dustin

4: their insecurities

Dustin’s pretty much wholly focused on collecting Lux for his Union, or helping anyone he can. As a result, he sometimes worries about if others actually like him, or if they just use him to help them with their problems. There’s also the fact that without Chirithy, he used to be pretty unsure about what to do, but after RoC, he’s gotten better about it!

6: how they deal with grief

If Dustin’s grieving, he’ll put it aside to help anyone else who’s grieving, and as soon as everyone else is feeling better, he’ll go off by himself and cry and curl into a ball. He doesn’t want other people to know he’s hurting, cuz then it makes his reassuring them seem weaker.

10: their fashion sense

Dustin is a dork and his fashion sense kind of reflects that. XD Goggles, fingerless gloves, a vest... God, this kid is a dork and I love him.

13: their embarrassing memory from years ago

Back when he was 10 or so, when he first met Foreteller Ira, his first reaction was “Pretty horsie~!” Nobody who knew him when that happened will let him live it down now.

14: how they react to burning their tongue on food

Usually he cries in pain. Glares at the food in question (usually pizza). Then he gets back to eating it, rinse and repeat. He’s silly that way. XD

15: how they react to a brain freeze

Well, he reacts as you would expect from a guy getting a brain freeze- the thing that makes it funny is how he gets them. 90% of the time, he challenges Chirithy to a milkshake race and goes too fast, giving him a brain freeze in like, 2 seconds. XD

18: how they sleep

He cuddles his pillow. Like a dork. He’s a cuddler, and after he gets with Luna, he tends to cuddle her instead~

21: how they react to pain

Surprisingly, Dustin doesn’t react to pain, at all. Sure, he might groan in pain, but he’s used to getting hurt. It’s when he can get something out of it, like a hug or a kiss to the part where it hurt, where he goes over the top. XD

24: what motivates them

Dustin is always motivated by his friends. Trying to help them get through life, make them happy, and do everything he can to make them smile, even if he suffers for it.

25: why you enjoy them

Well, at first he was largely just a self-insert OC, since Unchained X’s basically all about making yourself a Keyblade Wielder. But over time, he grew into his own character, and I love watching him be a dork. owo Then there’s the fact that he’s a fun character to write, and he’s got a heroic sense of right and wrong. In a weird way, he’s someone I’d like to try and be myself.

Kenshi

1: their voice

Kenshi tends to be very quiet and soft-spoken due to how he’s grown up, but when he needs to, he can be firm. He’s more high-pitched than others, making him sound a bit more like a kid, which makes him get a little sad. He’s not a kid, dangit! ;w;

2: their smile

Kenshi’s smiles tend to be small, but honest. If he smiles, there’s a reason he’s smiling, and it means he trusts you enough with it. Too bad the kid trusts too many people, Kenshi wai do you trust so much. ;w;

7: how they like to dress

The Mizu clan tends to dress formally, with traditional Japanese-style clothing, but if he wasn’t worried about following their rules or impressing them, he’d probably wear a hoodie and shorts. He’d keep the sandals, though... he likes his sandals for some reason. owo

8: what they like to eat

Kenshi’s got a huge sweet tooth, but he’s also fairly health-conscious, so if he gets to eat berries, he’ll have as many as possible~ His favorites are blueberries and Oran berries. They’re so sweet and tasty... Once he had a blueberry muffin, and it was so tasty~ He wants another one. ;w;

13: their embarrassing memory from years ago

The first time Kenshi was given a bo staff to practice with... well... he smacked himself over the head with it. The kid is not a natural with weapons. XD His second most embarrassing memory was the time he tripped while going up stairs, largely cuz his sister never lets him live it down. ;w;

15: how they react to a brainfreeze

I have absolutely no clue how but Kenshi doesn’t get brain freezes. At all. He can just keep going and going and going, and at worst he’ll get tired of his mouth being freezing, Kenshi how the fuck?

18: how they sleep

Kenshi tends to sleep with a teddy bear his sister made him once- it’s his only sign that his family loves him, so he’ll always, ALWAYS hold onto it. Well... except for when other family members are around. Then he curls up into a ball, he needs his teddy bear. ;w;

20: their reaction to a mystery love letter

Well, first he’d be like “U-um, um, um... ;w;” as he tries to figure out what the heck why did someone send him a letter like this??? Then he’d ask his sister if this is a prank from her, and when he realizes it’s for real, he starts trying to figure out who it is so he can thank them and give them a gift in return... somehow. ;w;

22: what they're like on two hours of sleep

After getting practically no sleep, Kenshi tends to nearly fall asleep on his feet. The only thing keeping him from going back to bed is his worries of upsetting his father or his mother, which is enough of a motivation to keep him awake. Kenshi wai. ;w;

25: why you enjoy them

Kenshi’s a cute character- one that I love to write, and more importantly, one who can be serious when needed to be but is still a good cinnamon roll character. Plus he’s a pacifist- something I always love to write for some reason. He’s easily flustered, kind, wanting to please his family... and I love it.

#neko-adachi

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