#I feel like crying and I hate everything

[muiromem]

Increasingly frustrated that I can't concentrate or get comfortable enough to write my goddamn fanfic.

I'm always fucking tired. My goddamn back and shoulder never stop bothering me. And the one brief respite I had, the ability to sit in my much-more-comfortable lounge chair in my living room and have complete peace and quiet because everyone else was in bed, has now been ripped away because of my fucking cats.

Not only do they bother me at least once ever 2-3 hours, but also one of them will not stop trying to force his way onto my lap. This includes trying to step on my goddamn laptop, which I can't afford to replace. He will wander around and just scream if I don't give him attention. He climbs over my arm and leg and lap and just won't fucking leave me alone.

And I have literally nowhere else that I can comfortably sit, alone and at peace, to try and concentrate on writing. If I sit in my bed, it's awkward on my back because there's not enough support, and my brain wants to think "relax/rest" instead of "concentrate". And I can't sit at my desk because my goddamn chair is tiny, hard as a rock, and then all I can focus on is trying to find a comfortable position to sit in.

I fucking hate this. And I keep having a million goddamn appointments every other day of the week, which are making me tired and it means that I have to be in bed at variously different hours in order to try to get enough sleep before getting up for said appointments at stupid fucking hours.

And of course, I can feel myself slipping away from my hyperfixation and being desperate for new stimulation/content/anything because I never seem to have anyone to obsess over it together with.

[silusvesuius]

nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am

[lotus-pear]

bsd fic authors i understand yalls pain SO well right now why is it so fucking HARD to write dazai. like i have a whole fucking spreadsheet dedicated to tireless analysis i have done on my part so i can accurately characterize him but he is such an unpredictable and morally gray character that it's hard knowing his limits and boundaries and where he draws the line for himself.

[kenneduck]

Me: Stop being sad.

Also me: Spends today thinking about Link and Mipha’s love and the fact he can’t properly grieve it because he cannot remember all of the memories of their relationship.

It makes me sad.

I’ve been coping with thinking about how post-AOC Sidon travels home. It’s after BOTW, and Sidon went missing for a few months along with other champions (and Tulin lmao) With his return, Link is emotional as he reunites with Sidon. Link was beyond stressed and worried over his missing lover. He hasn’t left Zora’s Domain in weeks since he got word of his disappearance. Once emotions settle during the reunion, Sidon gets to tell Link about how he went back in time and saved Mipha and all of Hyrule. He saved Link. Even if that Link wasn’t his Link, it made his heart happy to save his love from the grief he went through before.

And Sidon is so melancholic. He got to see first hand Link’s love for his sister. Her giving Link the armor after he saved all of Hyrule. The two sharing a kiss. A future between them that gets to finally exist. Something he knew from her diaries and from older Zora’s stories, but something that he deeply understood now.

As Sidon recaps this, Link is looking up to Sidon emotionally. Sidon too seems upset. But more so guilty, Sidon witnessed first hand what had to be lost for he and Link to love one another. That maybe what the two are doing isn’t right.

But Link shushes Sidon. Finally getting a word in for the first time after Sidon’s retelling started. That Link is beyond proud of Sidon for saving Hyrule. For saving Mipha. Saving him. Link can’t help but cry after this point. He thanks Sidon for giving Link a happy life. In both of his lives. Who Link was then isn’t who he is now, but he’s so happy to know that both past and present him get to love who they love surrounded by friends and a family they found. That it extends beyond him, too. So he’s incredibly thankful for Sidon. And that he loves him, and he won’t stop loving him.

Sidon can’t help but to kiss his Hylian lover. One he’s desperately missed during his travels. One he felt guilt over, but that washed away with Link’s affirmation. Now, Sidon just feels happy. Overwhelmed, but happy. He knows Mipha is happy, and he can’t wait to tell the domain what transpired.

[paranorahjones]

i propose we kill walmart

[hammill-goes-fogwalking]

I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.

[spacedlexi]

the way the ericson group were at the outbreak just a bunch of troubled kids who made various mistakes or committed crimes and were judged by a system that punished and abandoned them instead of giving them the support and love they needed, are then nearly a decade later put into a situation where now they must judge a troubled child for the mistakes and crimes hes committed against them. and 5 to 3 vote them out 😭

[cerise-on-top]

Cried on the train today, then thought of this! This is just me coping to the highest degree again, but I thought other people might like this as well!

Nikolai as a Father

First off, he’d likely be absent rather often. He was a soldier, he runs a PMC, he’s a busy man through and through. That’s why he won’t be able to see you as often as he’d like. He’d have loved to see all your accomplishments, meeting your first partner and intimidating them, your graduation, the first time you performed on stage, but it wasn’t possible due to work. He does feel bad about it, but he can’t help it. He will try to make it up to you somehow, though he’d understand if you couldn’t forgive him. He does try to be there for you whenever he can, visiting you whenever possible, but you will be apart from each other more often than not. However, if you ever have any suggestions regarding what you’d like to do together, he’s all ears. He has enough money to grant you any wish like that. You wanna go to Japan? You want a boat trip? You wanna go karaoke? It’s all possible, as long as he gets to experience those things with you. He really does wanna make up for the lost time.

He’s a pretty relaxed kind of father. The kind that would allow you a sip of beer when you were young. He’d have no problems with you drinking, as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. You should be responsible about that sort of thing. But if you ever wanted to invite a friend over to drink a bit, then he’d have no problem with getting the booze for you. Nothing too strong while you’re still young, of course, but he gets it. You’re young, you want to be stupid and do foolish things. He was like that too when he was younger, so he won’t stop you. In fact, he’ll even drive to the nearest fast food restaurant and get you and your friend something to eat. Sometimes he might cook himself, though. Nikolai’s food is downright godly, he can cook just about anything and cook it well too. As long as you don’t invite a friend over to get blackout drunk every weekend, all is good.

I think he’d probably lie to you about his job when you’re younger. You don’t need to know that he kills people for a living. You can know that he does paperwork, though. So he’d likely tell you he works an office job that has him traveling a lot. Speaking of traveling, he’ll always bring you a souvenir. That could range from a small snow globe to a nice T-shirt he found that you might like. He may be busy, but he does think about you very often. This continues into adulthood as well. If he can’t see you and give it to you in person then he’ll just mail it to you. Won’t ever allow you to work in the same field he does, though. You’re too sweet to work as a mercenary. You can become anything you want to be, but he’ll do what he can to not have you work in the military or in a PMC. He wants you to live and live well. There are no exceptions to this. He knows you might not listen to him, but he’ll tell you over and over again that those kinds of jobs are not what you might think they are. He doesn’t tell you what to do very often, but you should listen to him when he does. He’s an older man, who actually knows what he’s talking about. Besides, he only means well when it comes to you.

A very accepting father, in all honesty. You’re gay? You’re trans? He’s very supportive of you. Besides, it doesn’t matter who you bring home, he’s gonna try to intimidate them either way. Only the best of the best for you. If you ever find yourself some sleazebag, who won’t spoil you rotten like you deserve, then he’ll make sure that person will learn their lesson. He can be a very scary man when he wants to be. If you’re transmasc, then he’d delight in going clothes shopping with you and finding something that you look good in and that fits. He might even buy you a bomber jacket like he has so you can match. He’ll get you the fanciest suits too. Whatever you need, he’ll give it to you. If you’re transfem then he might not be the best suited candidate to go shopping with you. He can tell you what you look good in, but he might call someone like Laswell to help you find nice clothes that suit you well. However, he won’t save any money on anything. You know what you want? You can gladly have it. Nikolai will even pay for your surgeries as well. As long as you’re happy, he’s happy. No price is too high when it comes to your happiness. In fact, he probably has the means to get you a prescription for hormones as well. It might not be entirely legal, but it’s better than nothing if you have shitty doctors.

Likewise, if you come out to him as aromantic or asexual, he won’t mind. Sure, you might have to explain what that means, but once he understands he won’t make you feel bad for that sort of thing. Gives you a side hug and tells you that he’s glad he doesn’t have to worry about your heart being broken by some asshole who can’t appreciate you for who you are. Unfortunately, if you do come out to him as ace, he might make some puns about it. Nothing offensive, but he’s your father, he can’t help the urge to make awful dad jokes from time to time.

If you don’t know Russian then he’ll teach you. He’s a proud Russian, so he does want you to know the language. He can hire a teacher for you too, if you’d prefer that, but you won’t be spared. He’ll talk to you in Russian and compliment you on your progress. Besides, it’s never a mistake to know another language. If you do know Russian then he’ll speak it with you whenever he can. Yes, even when the likes of Price are around. Doesn’t matter if it comes off as rude, it just feels homey to him. It makes him feel at ease.

[aelswiths]

*screams into the void*

[possamble]

AHA thank u i was mostly just. frantically pulling the "no hetero" card bc farcille is super super always endgame for me and the "marcille has two hands" thing is absolutely not for me and my personal characterization of marcille

i like. can't find it anymore for some reason but there was a farcille fic set just after the shuro confrontation where laios reaches over to hold marcille's hand and ask her if she likes him or if she's just tolerating him too and it was so. the vulnerability. the puppyness.

that safety and security he must feel in knowing that she wears her heart on her sleeve and he will always know when she's unhappy with him because she will absolutely let it be known. the way that falin's first revival was the turning point for the way he felt about her because, for the first time in his life, protecting falin wasn't something he had to shoulder alone. there was finally someone else who cared about her as much as he did (in his eyes, resenting his parents for failing to protect her) and would stop at nothing to save her. the way it must have been proof for him that, not only was falin not alone anymore, he wasn't alone anymore.

idk why i like rather than dislike the fact that his only framework for parsing how he feels about "the first girl other than his sister that he's ever cared this much about" is a comphet romantic lens. like he would have the autism moment of fully assuming that he's in love with her for a while and just like. not? doing anything about it? because he doesn't feel the urge to, nor is he sad that he knows marcille would mostly likely never "feel the same way" about him?

like. he "figures out" that he's "in love with marcille" with all the passion of printing out a label and sticking it onto a favourite scrapbook for organizational purposes. he's equally happy to be her husband or brother-in-law so long as it means she stays close and is part of his family.

i know logically i should hate it but it's sooo crunchy to me. my comphet besties ever. designated plus one and dance partner to all fancy and formal occasions. having actual real chemistry but the "romantic" part of it is some weird shapeshifter smokescreen. augh

[spaghett-onaplate]

depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed

[jrueships]

pretty privilege in general is a terrible tool. but when the racism that it's ingrained in really has a platform to activate, it's just absurd .

[birdinabowl]

I genuinely just want to hide in the ocean and never be found again right now

[3416]

mouth is hurting so bad... think my wisdom teeth are finally fucking me over... genuinely would rather die than try to work out what this is going to cost without insurance. there's no hope

[a-suspicious-duck]

Walk the Path. Read the stones laid upon it to learn of my message and my love. And in this way, we will be united. Yours faithfully, Joseph

[jamiethebee]

Thinking about how AFO probably orchestrated Shigaraki's love of video games, so even the thing that Shigaraki and Spinner bonded over was contrived and "not real"