#I feel like I'm being hunted for sport
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I did the interview & I'm still so so so very nervous guys what if they call me a liar & crucify me on the spot
I got a job interview in a couple hours and I'm so so so very nervous
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the parallels between morrigan and the mage warden (especially one who snitched on jowan and so isn't automatically doomed if they stay in the circle) both being unceremoniously kicked out by their parental figures from the isolated nests they've been cooped up in all their lives and sent flailing out into the real world to test their wings. the love that you can read in between the lines there from irving, and even flemeth -- in both cases this is a cause of action taken partly to save their children (from the circle, from the blight, from the isolation and constriction they would be doomed to otherwise), and in both cases it also opens them up to a world of new dangers. (I wonder if irving knows how many grey warden recruits die right off the bat. from his general character I think he might take that chance even if he knew because otherwise the circle is all but inescapable, but from what he says to amell/surana at the time and how set duncan is to keep that particular detail on the down low I feel more on the side of him not being aware.)
irving at least is encouraging and explains the outlines of what he's thinking even in his hurry to get you out the door, flemeth takes the opportunity to get in a few more stabs of emotional abuse haha. but I think my amell looks at morrigan's shock and partial dismay to be sent away with them so abruptly (and despite everything, the sting of it being so easy to do on her mother's part, emotionally) and feels a sympathetic sinking in her stomach. because yeah she knows that feeling too
#there are some lines from morrigan that makes me think something kind of bad might have happened to her#the last time she left the wilds? she says that when she returned home to flemeth last time she never meant to leave the wilds again#:( morrigan baby if anyone fucked with you... tell me we'll hunt them down for sport and kill them#dragon age#dragon age origins#morrigan#warden amell#oc: sophia amell#first enchanter irving#flemeth#I'm a decade older now and playing this part again with more adult eyes... seeing morrigan try SO HARD to create one little moment#of connection; of care -- saying she doesn't want to come back to the hut burned down and framing it as a dig; a joke#and even being that careful even being that roundabout she gets shot down SO brutally by flemeth and it hurts to watch#I feel almost parental about it all more than anything this time around like. oh morrigan I'm so so sorry about everything#'I am many things but I will not be the mother you were to me' sobbing I'm so proud of her
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😬
#random personal stuff#I'm a little nervous at work today#got an email from collection development asking what was taking so long to order books#literally a day after I had a talk with my boss about The Concerns#CDL seems a bit annoyed possibly and kind of passive-aggressive#so I am awaiting instruction on how to respond#but yikes this is not great for the anxiety#(I can hardly reply with the actual reason which is: I haven't ordered them yet because of Concerns)#anyway if you think of it please pray for me that I will not irrationally feel like I'm being hunted for sport today#thank goodness I'm working in the evening and thus will have limited time today around this guy
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i can't even watch this rn
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Guys I almost died 😭 I showed him my tattoo and he grabbed my hand to hold it up 😭
I kept rehearsing what i was going going to say in my head and then I forgot it when I was in front of him 😭 I panicked and all I could think of was my tattoo
The tattoo in question
#No one touch me I've very fragile right now#jeff satur#I feel like I'm being hunted for sport 😭#I'm actually in shock#Ss8 bkk d2#mine
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hate when you look at a word that's spelled correctly for too long and start second guessing yourself. what the fuck do you mean it's spelled like that, why does it look like that... are you sure??
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high stress ebay bidding
#somehow in person auctions are less stressful#but whenever it gets to the final half hour on ebay i feel like i'm being hunted for sport
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You would think with all this anxiety that I was being hunted for sport
#I am in fact not being hunted for sport#I am just going to London which requires getting on trains#but not for another 7 hours#I have another 7 hours before I have to leave and I feel like this#bears in trees will be worth it but fucking hell anxiety is no bloody joke#I also didn't sleep because of it#I'm having a great time... not#delete later
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actually deeply apprehensive about opening up my strange magic fic documents |:
#a butterfly obsesses#maybe I should rewatch the movie as a restart#as someone who's done most of their creative work during manic episodes I need to learn how to do it when I'm on an even keel#see this is why so many bipolar people go off their meds#it feels like the inspiration and creativity has been taken away#don't worry I'm not even considering it. the withdrawal symptoms alone are enough to stop that idea dead in its tracks#plus the ups are not worth the panic attacks and constant feeling I'm being hunted for sport
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me and the one other openly queer woman in my department meeting each other's blank stares from across the room at our morning meeting while everyone else chats like it's any other day and shaking our heads at each other
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#ive been stressing all day about a purchase i'm not even making lol#i have mental problems sjfmsjg#no but for real i was reviewing the tablet i had decided on to buy in the distant future#and found out it's actually not very good for drawing which is the sole reason i want to get a tablet#and i got physical symptoms of anxiety and dread as if i had wasted money#on a thing I DIDN'T BUY#but then i found another tablet which is good for drawing and it's a bit more expensive#and once again i got the anxiety levels of someone being hunted for sport#for another product I DIDN'T BUY#but it's just this horrible timing thing that's making me anxious#because it's a lot of money that i have to spend on this#and I don't have a regular income#and my country's economy is hell to the point that by tomorrow the price could double without warning#and there's also there's some sales coming so maybe i should wait til then#but then also i have to catch the sale and the product i want#and also the holidays are coming so the price might spike up#and i never know when the correct time to buy anything is!!#and this folks is why I don't gamble lol#no but for real... i have been panicking all day and I don't even have a proper reason#i could also live without the tablet very well so it feels like a waste of money in general#so...#i have issues with spending money...#especially because I don't know when it's gonna be the next time i get work#could be next week... could be in six months... could be never again...#if i just could get hired for a proper project woth a decent pay...#ahhh the dream :')#ok i'm gonna go to bed now (if my stupid ear '''''infection'''''' lets me...)#life is hell but at least i got to boop people today <3#angel talks#personal
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Honestly, my regular anxiety levels are WAY too high for someone with a life as relaxed as mine
#There's NO way I don't have some kind of severe anxiety Dissorder or something#Because like#I just had a wonderful day#Yeah had some rough moments but it genuinely was a very nice day#Yet here I am#Feeling like I'm literally being hunted for sport#Oh well#Anther thing to the “things wrong with me that I can't do anything about” list#God I wish I could factory reset this brain sometimes
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Everywhere I fucking go david tennant shows up, I open pinterest and he's there I open tumblr and he's there I open twitter and he's there I click an incredibly random unrelated video on youtube and 30 seconds in he's in there, he's in my devices, he's in my drawers, he's under my bed, he's in my soup, I fear I'm gonna pull up the toilet lid and he's gonna be inside skibidi toilet style. Fucking free me from these shackles
#demos ramblings#good omens was a mistake now he's everywhere and I'm calling the police#TWO youtube videos in a row he's been in there TWO!!!!!!!#COMPLETELY RANDOM VIDEOS!!!!!!!!!!#I FEEL LIKE IM BEING HUNTED FOR SPORT BY DAVID TENNANT#IVE SEEN THIS MANS FACE MORE THAN I'VE SEEN MY OWN FATHERS
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sunday scaries messing me up worse today than ever in recent memory hgfdsjhsgdfs
#feeling like i am being hunted for sport sitting still in my own home etc#i'm not going to do this and also i'm fine but for some reason i also have a very strong impulse to delete all my writing#i'm not actually sure why i'm feeling like this bc it doesn't really feel related to feeling bad about my writing exactly?#like i mostly feel fine about my writing i just feel weird about people. reading it. does that make sense#blondiepost
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My brain goes into panic whenever the story I'm plotting has a maybe-noticeable-if-you're-actively-trying-to-compare-the-two similarity to something else because what if I get accused of ripping off something because I'm using a few tropes that another work has also used. Meanwhile here in reality the super-specific concept of "what if you had an invisible-to-everyone-except-you guy implanted into your brain that looked exactly like Keanu Reeves and he was sabotaging your life little by little similar to how an abuser would, molding you into his ideal version of you despite you desperately trying to keep your individuality" has been used TWICE and I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYONE POINT IT OUT except ME❗❗ *blows up the entire world*
#isaac.txt#to be clear i don't actually care about that similarity besides from it being very funny to me#but like. my brain feels like i'm gonna get hunted for sport if i do something another story also did#like shut up. the execution and merging of ideas matter far more than the idea on its own#i'm allowed to be inspired by stuff i like. every creative person on this earth does it at least from time to time
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i have made my hellaverse self insert and i am very much ready to wreck the timeline
feel free to send asks abt this little shit, i'll autism abt the powers rq tho
the basics of my funky little powers are that i can summon anything from any video game i have over 100 hours in (meaning i can summon from Sims 4, Fallout New Vegas, Fallout 4, Animal Crossing City Folk & New Horizens, Skyrim, Minecraft, Cult of the Lamb, Stardew Valley, Undertale, & Deltarune. (yes this means i can hypothetically summon nukes but shhh it's fineee)). in an effort to limit myself (bc it's ridiculously powerful), not every item can be summoned immediately or seemingly at all without sufficient power (acquired by having souls). this mildy backfired and instead made me into an Overlord on my quest for said power 😭😭😭
#kinda fucked the hair up but oh well#listen i've never drawn a bob before and thats like half the jellyfish cut#wrecking the timeline isnt even a joke btw#i've already made choices that wildly alter things#this also happened with my MHA self insert that i never posted abt#after the MVA arc it just completely diverted#idk ehy this always happenes 😭#my art#self insert#hellaverse sona#helluva boss sona#hazbin hotel sona#my sona#clouds posts#terrified to post this btw#like i feel like i'm being hunted for sport#so if you send an ask pls be patient w me i'm going to die for a feww
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