#I feel like I'd be too worried about it getting a little muddy and being ruined forever to park it in a field at the ren fair

[llamagoddessofficial]

Thank you @radpunch for giving me an excuse for more Farmtale Sans... he's the love of my life

I don't usually do this, but I thought I'd add some recommended music for reading this piece. I listened to this the whole time I was writing, and I think it really adds to the vibe.

---

To anyone else, the sight of a body in a field neighbouring yours probably would’ve caused no small amount of alarm. Instead, you just sighed, finally laying down your shovel for the day and hopping the fence you had only just finished repairing.

The grass brushed against your hips as you walked, moving your feet as if wading through water. The evening sun caught the long, glimmering single stray cobwebs that trailed from the grass flower heads, and illuminated the tiny fluttering bodies of disturbed insects that fluttered up and away when you walked by. Though it was a pain to move through, you always liked when the field looked like this. It was your own romantic summer sea.

Eventually, you came across the ��body’. Sans was lounging with his head propped up on a pile of empty seed bags, straw hat placed on his chest, sockets shut. The sun didn’t reach him now, the tall grass on all sides of him left a perfect little shady spot where he had nestled in. He looked very comfy... very peaceful. This wasn’t unusual at all, for him. He had a knack for finding hidden places to nap.

You crouched down. You could hear him faintly snoring. There was a tiny iridescent beetle sitting proudly on his bent knee, using the vantage point to observe its surroundings. It didn’t seem bothered by your presence in the slightest.

Sans was nice to look at. You had always considered him kinda good-looking, but he had grown more and more on you over time. Despite his brother being more classically ‘handsome’, with his high cheekbones, strong jawline and impressive physique, Sans was the one you found yourself getting caught staring at. He was... so easygoing. Not softspoken, too confident for that. Just never needing to raise his voice. Quick witted, strong, smart. Casual. Despite his silly straw hat, constantly muddy pants and crappy jokes, something about him was effortlessly cool. Effortlessly pretty.

And you were...

...

He had dirt on his cheekbone. Without thinking, you reached out, wiping it off. 

Before you could even blink, his hand snapped up, catching yours by the wrist. You let out a little inelegant shriek then slapped your free hand over your mouth in embarrassment - he snorted, sockets opening up, pretty fuzzy green eyelights landing on you. 

“well hello there,” he said, voice only mildly sleepy, with a gentle purr to it. He turned his face, and kissed your palm.

You shrieked a second time. Well... this one was more like a yelp, yanking your hand out of his grip as both of you descended into laughter. “Gross!”

You weren’t going to admit the move had given you butterflies. Nor that the way he was looking at you was making you feel things you didn’t have words for yet. You made a point of wiping your hand on your work pants.

“am i still asleep, or d’you just look like a dream to me?” he asked, leaning back, knitting his fingers together over his chest. 

“Charming.” Your tone just made him snicker. “The sun is setting. You getting up soon, or are you planning on sleeping under the stars tonight?”

Sans’ gaze was very soft. “hey, that actually don’t sound too bad. ‘specially if i had the right company.”

“True. Stargazing with someone is always nicer.”

“could always join me. room for two, in this patch.”

“Unlike you, I have to worry about ticks.” You flicked his shoulder. “I’ll think about it when the grass is cut.”

He grinned. “dang. never felt so motivated to do a chore before. s’that a promise, then? when i cut the grass you’ll come stargaze with me?”

You rolled your eyes. But there they were again; the butterflies. The thing with Sans was you never had any idea whether or not he was serious. He said entirely joking and entirely genuine things with the same tone of voice, the same smile, the same twinkling eyelights. Maybe in a few years you’d know him well enough to tell. Right now, though, you were much too afraid of embarrassing both of you by assuming his 'flirting' was anything but banter.

He finally sat up, and the beetle on his knee took off into the sky. It felt so cosy, somehow; the two of you were almost entirely below the top of the grass, hiding in a tiny den. It smelled like... well, grass, duh. But a specific kind of grassy smell - sweet and dry, more like hay, summery and clear. It reminded you of playing outside as a child until the sun had long gone down. 

“you been exertin’ yerself? all red.”

“Yeah, I’ve just been fixing the fence.” A lie and a truth. You had been fixing the fence, but it was a menial chore that hadn’t required huge amounts of strain. The blushing was from something else.

“ah, jeez." A break in his easy mood. "we’re still really sorry about that. pap is absolutely mortified, think he's set aside a whole load of crop for you.”

The brothers’ goat had managed to break through several fences, including yours, to take a 'visit' to your garden. You’d found her in your flowerbed, happily eating the tops off the marigolds you were going to cut and take to market. 

You’d never seen someone more apologetic than when Papyrus showed up to bring her home. The animal still had bright yellow petals in her beard as he led her away.

“It’s alright,” you said, warmly. “it wasn't like it was malicious or anything. Animals get out. I don’t think I’ve ever met a more sweet-natured goat anyway.”

“should’ve told me you were fixing that fence. i would’ve helped out.”

“Oh would you have?” Your tone was mock-suspicious. “How convenient that you waited until I was finished to tell me that.”

His sockets raised at the corners. “i’m serious! you doubtin’ my honesty? dang. thought we were close.”

Uh oh. Butterflies again. You swerved, doing your best to avoid it.

“So does your brother know you’re out here?”

“course not,” he snickered. “he still thinks i’m working.”

“Maybe I should go tell him that you’re flunking. I’m certain he already knows, he just needs to catch you in the act.”

He put his hat back on his head. “well. guess now i have to kill you.”

You laughed - and in the shade, entirely missed the little green shimmer across his cheekbones.

“How’s the day been then, sleepyhead?”

He shrugged, picking at some of the flattened grass. “busy. exactly how you think late summer on a farm would be. harvestin’, packin’ stuff up. lotsa ploughing. even with magic, it’s hard work. i’m just stealing whatever breaks i can find. you?”

You gave him a look. “You came over yesterday. You know how I'm doing.”

He leant over, lightly elbowing you. “c’mon. i’m doin’ the small talk thing. can’t leave me hangin’ here.”

“So now you’re guilt tripping me? You’re a real piece of work.”

That got another snicker out of him. He was so handsome when he laughed. 

Sans always liked knowing what was going on in your life. It was weird, you never saw him do that with anyone else; it had taken you a while to notice it but even with his closest friends he didn’t talk half as much as he did with you. The first time you’d seen him talking to Toriel you had thought he was in a bad mood, with how little he engaged, how simple his questions were, how sparingly he spoke.

“BAD MOOD? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”

“Sans just didn’t seem very chatty tonight. Did something happen?”

“OH? OH! NYEHEHEHEH, HOW FUNNY! SANS WAS COMPLETELY NORMAL TONIGHT, HUMAN, DON’T YOU WORRY. THIS IS HOW HE ALWAYS IS AT GET-TOGETHERS.”

“But he...”

“HE’S JUST MUCH CHATTIER WITH ME AND YOU.”

You liked to think he felt safe around you. You definitely felt safer around him, that was for sure. 

You pulled your knees up to your chest, relenting under his gaze. “Okay okay, fine. I’m doing alright, I guess. The old trees came right back to life as soon as the thickets were cleared away. There’s already fruit, they just need another year or so to get market ready.”

“and yer flowers? they sellin’ well?”

“It’s a good way to plug the money gaps in the meantime. Living in the age of the internet definitely helps, there’s lots of information floating around that has made it so much easier for me to get started. I dunno. It’s alright.”

You wanted to stop talking. You looked away, staring off into the ‘forest’ surrounding you, the waning sunset catching certain blades and turning them into a warm burning orange. In the distance you could hear the rolling and bubbling singing of a particularly loud bird somewhere overhead.

Despite your desire to shut up, Sans wasn’t about to let you. His lovely eyelights just continued to bore into you. 

“i can hear a ‘but’ in there.”

...

You sighed. Oh well. Who else were you going to be able to talk to?

“I thought the impostor syndrome would be gone by now.”

He cocked his head. You had no choice but to continue. 

“I’m just... I still feel like I’m not part of this. My mind hasn’t settled in. Every day is a confusing fight where I feel like I barely make it out the other side. Most of my flower boxes are stuck together with tape and hope.” You settled your chin onto your knees, sulking. “Every time things start to make sense, and I feel like I’m finally starting to get some solid ground, another problem shows up. Another thing breaks. Another bug I didn’t know existed is eating the fruit, another tree disease I have to prep against otherwise it might wipe out the orchard, another colony of aphids eating the flowers. I can’t win.”

“sounds pretty normal to me.”

You looked up from your knees. “Does it?” 

“that’s just life, ain’t it?” He had somehow shuffled closer to you, entirely without you noticing. “there’s always some new problem. if ya ask me, sounds exactly like a day on our farm. one of the ducks is injured, a coop is leaking, chicken got eaten in the night, goat escaped and ate the neighbour’s flowers. nothing goes how you expect. if you ask me, you’re doing great.”

You hummed. “Doesn’t feel like it.”

“doin’ good on paper, too. human from the suburbs moves to the countryside and buys an abandoned orchard. most of the time that ends in disaster. but yer trees are fruiting, could be ready in a single year, the flowers are already bloomin’ and sellin’ at the market. not sure how you could do any better.”

... You couldn’t help but feel warm. Especially on your face again. Partially because of his kind words, yes... but mostly because he seemed so intent on making you feel less bad. It made your chest all fluttery.

“... Thank you,” you mumbled. "that does make me feel better."

“course. anytime. just wish you’d ask for help, more.”

The bird from earlier started singing again. You glanced up, but could see nothing from within the little 'den'.

“Any idea what that bird is?”

He leant back. One hand, conspicuously, resting on the ground just behind your back. “s’a skylark.”

“... Skylark.” 

You stared up into the clear evening sky. You weren’t great with bird names, but you’d definitely remember that. 

...

Feeling like he was looking at you, you turned to the side. Sans was looking at you - and his face was only really a few inches from yours. Close enough that if he tilted his head down a bit, the top of his straw hat would bump against your hair. His expression was calm... a lot calmer than you felt. The two of you quietly held eye contact, and the skylark continued to sing.

... Suddenly, and with no apparent trigger, you felt immensely flustered by the proximity. You pulled back, shuffling, unceremoniously dragging yourself to your feet and brushing off your pants. Your head popped up above the grass; immediately, some tiny birds scattered up and away, sun shining into your eyes.

“I should head home.” You were messing needlessly with your hair. “Dinner isn’t going to make itself.”

Sans looked up at you, for a few silent moments. You couldn’t read his face at all, the only thing you knew was that his smile was very soft.

“agh, i should head out too,” he eventually said, not standing, but folding his arms behind his head and stretching. “need to get home. pap probably thinks i fell into a ditch.”

You put your hands on your hips. “Then you can finally rest, after a long hard day of skipping your chores?”

He chuckled. “why of course.”

“Pft. Say hi to Papyrus for me.”

“sure thing. later, doll.”

With that, you headed back across the field, leaving Sans to pretend to wake up. Knowing him he had probably laid down and gone straight back to sleep.

... You put your hand over your chest, now that you were out of sight, trying to still your fluttering heart. It wasn’t really any use.

The more time you spent with Sans, the more you realised you were falling for him.

///---///

Sans watched you walk away, the golden light catching in your hair.

... He sighed, stretching again, before finally actually dragging himself to his feet. The green flush became more prominent on his face as he stopped to watch a skylark hovering just over the grass before tilting its wings and dancing away.

He’d been completely serious about the stargazing. Once again, you thought he was joking, his own persona had bitten him in the ass. He’d wanted to tell you as you were leaving - he’d wanted to finally put his foot down and make a date out of it, ask you when you were free and do what he’d been dreaming of doing for weeks. 

But just like always, when you’d looked at him, he’d completely fallen to pieces. The words had gotten stuck in his nonexistent throat. And by the time he’d shaken himself out of his stupor, you were already leaving.

Sans just sighed, adjusting his hat. 

“... next time,” he hummed. "there's always next time."

With that, he shortcutted home.

[muffinsin]

Hey Muffin! Ive had an idea for a while. Some CassxDonna goodness request ig, i dont fucking know how to request shit

I also have like this vison in my head of Donna working on a doll or some other commission. Like super stressed out cuz its not going just how she wants it*Perfectionist Donna ofc* And rambunctious Angie is being chased by Cassie, tryin to have her steer clear of Donna when she is working you know? But somehow Angie gets in and ofc breaks something *that Donna had just finished* Angie just giggles and runs out will Cass is like 0_0. Leaving Cass with a very very angry and rather pent up Donna who has been working countless hours, no sleep, and ofc that means no hot sex with her lover. SO how would Donna react to this? Lets say Cass has on one of the dresses donna hand made for her, maybe one of Donna's favorites.

I'd love to see ur HC's on this

-Flyin Rizz

This is interesting!👀 and would you look at that! Some Cassandra x Donna content! XD (No smut in this but some suggestive phrases here and there)

Let’s get into it!🙌

Masterlists

It’s not uncommon for Donna to get very invested in her work. She crafts things on a daily basis, whether this is dolls, clothing, accessories, or toys

Everyone at the beneviento manor knows of her tendency to get really into her work, abandoning her regular sleeping schedule, most mealtimes and just about anything outside of her work until her piece of finished

In this case, a doll. A beautiful one, dressed in a light blue summer dress, according to the blueprints and sketches the dollmaker has messily drawn

Agatha, if Cassandra remembers correctly, a future play-partner for keeping Angie entertained

She, like all the dolls residing at Donna’s manor, is very much aware of how meticulous Donna works

And how badly she wants this doll in particular to be perfect

She brings her food and tea occasionally when she worries her lover gets too into her work, her posture straightening when Donna, even in her focused state, scolds her for the blood coating her and daring to slip down and mess the beautiful dress she is put in

While wearing her signature black dress at the castle and on hunts, her attire is quite different when visiting her girlfriend at her manor

The dress is to be discarded and replaced nearly immediately whenever she visits, instead replaced with one of the many Donna likes to craft for her

Whether light pink, lilac, yellow, red or white, they all share an older, more elegant aesthetic, so that Cassandra often feels as if dressed similarly, if not nearly the same way as most of the dolls sitting tight and proper for Donna

Not that this is entirely inaccurate in her case, in most scenarios

While Cassandra has learned not to disturb her girlfriend in such times, lest she wants to face dire consequences, Angie’s mindset is a little different

Fuelled by her excitement and anticipation of getting a new friend to play with, and her boredom stemming from Donna’s lack of attention during the many hours of the day she sits locked in the workshop, she likes to stir trouble

Trouble, which often consists of multiple things

1), to steal one of Cassandra’s weapons and force her to chase her about. Once or twice she has fallen for it and followed the mischievous doll outside, only to receive proper punishment after getting her dress muddy in the process

2), making a mess of the house and playing god while she watches other dolls clean it up again. She especially enjoys putting some of the blame on the Dimitrescu and watching her clean her mess off the counters, a sour grimace on her face

And lastly, a good old chase around the house, which usually, sadly, comes with many broken decorative plates, vases, flowerpots, paintings off the walls, and carpets curling in on themselves

Normally, Donna is capable of handling this. And normally, Cassandra couldn’t care less

However, with her girlfriend on edge after more than a week of intense working and perfecting her craft, restlessness and no true stress reliever, she knows it’s best not to test her

Naturally, Angie thinks differently

And as such Cassandra finds herself chasing after the little doll, frantically trying to keep the vases from tipping over and the paintings from falling from the walls

She chases her through the kitchen and dodges the many, tiny handfuls of flour thrown her way, yet when she reaches out to grab Angie, the doll only blows some of the flour in her face

And as such their chase continues

Down the halls, through the office where Cassandra throws herself against a wobbling shelf to keep it from falling

She knows, she would pay bitterly if Donna had to reorganise and put all the books and files back in

Yet, golden eyes widen when Angie nears the workshop. With a mischievous smile nonetheless

She slips through the small gap at the office, and Cassandra has no choice but to follow, swarming fast through the small tunnel and manifesting again at the other side. She barely still catches Angie’s veil as she rounds the corner

More and more, she catches up with each second

Then, she freezes when both of them stop dead in their tracks in front of the large, wooden doors leading into the workshop

“Angie!”, she hisses quietly, her hands fisting at the embarrassingly sweet dress she is put in

She doesn’t quite notice the state it’s in after her swarming through the dirty gap at the office, yet is soon about to find out about it

With wide, horrified eyes, she watches the door open just a crack for Angie to slip inside

Naturally, she follows

Her posture automatically straightens when she sees Donna across the room, her back turned to her and her fingers working meticulously on what seems to be the sketch of a dress

Cassandra gulps and hurries to the other side of the room when she sees Angie stand next to one of the dolls sitting on the shelf

It hasn’t get been brought to life, yet Cassandra knows it took her lover days to craft and paint it

As expected, it’s given a small push, and the brunette throws herself forwards to catch it. She sighs, her eyes closing for a mere moment when she manages to grasp the precious doll just before it hit the floor

Then, she flinches at the sound of broken porcelain. The torso, one of the few parts of the doll Donna has- after days- finished

Before she can act or even consider her next moves, the mischievous doll slips away behind the other dolls and Cassandra feels strong, thick vines shoot out from the plant pots next to her and tangle around her wrists, seemingly automatically

She hisses when her lower face is grabbed, then gasps upon realising her girlfriend stands in front of her, her free hand twitching in anger, her dark eye set on Cassandra

“I didn’t do it! It was A-AgnmMm!”

She can only whine and whimper pitifully when a slip of paper, the one containing scribblings of the dress, is crumpled and shoved in her mouth to gag her

Wide, dark golden eyes look up at a dark, nearly black one, as though begging for forgiveness. As though to protest: she didn’t do it!

Yet, there is one found. Donna is painfully riled up, and this seems to have simply pushed her over the edge

Cassandra’s shriek is muffled as dark, auburn hair is grabbed and used to yank her head to face Donna. She watches when the broken torso is raised to her face and whines in discomfort when its sharp edge is dragged alongside her cheek

For a moment, the dollmaker doesn’t talk. Her dark eye bores into Cassandra, her face sporting an angry frown

She whimpers when blood begins to drip from the cut and runs down her pale cheek. Before it can drip to the dirtied collar of her dress, however, it is caught with a fingertip

“Have you got any idea how long it took to craft this, doll?”

Her head spins at the low, raspy voice of her lover

All she can do is shake her head. With Angie gone and having left her in this compromising position, and the paper in her mouth keeping her shut up efficiently, she can only listen and whimper occasionally

Donna’s jaw clenches, and Cassandra jumps in surprise when the porcelain is dropped again

The vines around her wrists ease their hold, yet the one on her hair only tightens. She groans lowly when a skilled, pale hand wraps around her throat and strong, careful fingers dig into her neck

Perhaps, she shouldn’t be enjoying this so much. Yet, she can’t help it

She can’t help but melt into the touch, to push herself against the hand around her throat and to look through thick eyelashes to meet Donna’s dark eye with her golden ones

Then, she shrieks when the fingers suddenly yank her hair, tugging and yanking as though it was a leash making her follow like an obedient mutt

Naturally, Cassandra immediately attempts to protest and talk about the small doll when she is tugged along, across to the workbench and pushed hard against it

Of course, Donna has nothing of it

“You’re a brat today, doll... If you will not admit to your guilt, you will not talk at all”, she hisses

Her hair is released, and her eyes still follow every move of her lover’s skilled hands. Petite as they may look, she knows of the strength they possess, and the power they wield

Cassandra’s eyes widen in realisation when she finds her lover taking in her appearance

Her dress, so lovingly created, filthy of blood from her hunt and the dirt from the gap. Her face, partly covered in a fine layer of flour and blood, only adds to her messy state

She gulps when Donna’s hands grasp her collar tightly as it is cleaned. She is manoeuvred rather roughly, until some of the dirt is brushed off again at least

Her wrists are grabbed next, tightly and in a nearly bruising grip. Cassandra, was it not for the paper in her mouth, would grin widely at this

Ah, she loves the beautiful marks her lover leaves on her on a regular basis

“You’re filthy, doll”, Donna hisses, her low voice pulling Cassandra from her thoughts. “Must you always make a damn mess!”, she adds through gritted teeth

The Dimitrescu resists the urge to moan when her arms are tied by ribbons and yanked upwards

She is not treated sweetly or gently, and her body betrays her excitement regarding this

She knows, Donna too notices her rock hard nipples and quivering thighs

And she knows, having spent so much time among the plants at the manor, that her girlfriend is very well aware of the naughty thoughts and feelings she causes her to experience

Alas, it seems the dollmaker doesn’t yet grant her any of this special, painful kind of pleasure. Cassandra could whine in irritation at this

She watches her girlfriend move the tied hands to the hooks meant to hold and lift dolls, then gulps when a hand is held in front of her stretched mouth

Her arms are tied securely and held above her head, and with her legs spread slightly to allow her to sit comfortably with Donna’s body between her knees, she has almost difficulty adjusting to feeling this exposed

Not that it’s new, really

The underside of her chin is tapped impatiently, before Donna holds out her palm again

“Out with it. But I better not hear a thing from you, doll. You’ll start earning your right to talk back by helping me.”, she clarifies

Submitting to the obvious command, Cassandra’s lips spread apart wider and she allows the wet, crumpled paper to fall back out of her mouth

She stays silent, as commanded. She truly tries to

For a mere moment, that is, until she spots the mischievous doll that seems to take immense pleasure from getting her in trouble

“There! It’s he-MGM! Mhmm!”, Cassandra’s eyes are wide when a hand is clasped over her mouth, golden orbs flickering to Angie’s mocking face on the shelf behind Donna

Another hand shoots to her throat, and all she can do is whimper breathlessly when warm breath hits her skin and soft lips move across her jawline

“Did I not say, not. a. word?”, she hisses, each word delivered with a squeeze of Cassandra’s throat

The woman moans shamelessly at this, her eyes pressing shut and her thighs pushing together

With a proper squeeze of her neck, she whines. She feels lightheaded for a mere moment

Then, she whimpers when her lover leans in, her lips and teeth ghosting over her neck, all the way up to her ear

“What was that, doll? Must I put you in your place again?”

She shakes her head quickly, as though overly aware of the beautiful, carefully placed mark of the beneviento symbol carved into her back

The mere feel and thought of it has her attempt to subtly rub her thighs together

She wonders; if only she acts out enough, will Donna renew it for her?

“That’s what I thought, principessa”, the older woman husks out, and again she feels as though her head is spinning from her words

She shivers when the dress is peeled off her, Donna’s hands careful and precise in their movements

“If you’re so keen on sabotaging my work and setting me back-“, Cassandra attempts to protest at this, blame the doll, but at another squeeze of her throat, all her words die on her tongue and only a throaty groan slips out

Donna’s expression turns almost sour at her repeated misbehavior, before she closes her eye for a moment

Upon opening it again, she smiles

“You will be of good use to me, doll”, she whispers

Cassandra tries her best to stay quiet as the woman moves from her, golden eyes following her strong, veiny hands and slender fingers as they shimmer over her workspace

Scattered on the table are scissors, ribbons, wood and porcelain dolls, knives and sewing needles, and much more Cassandra can’t quite catch a glimpse of

She tenses when she hears a breathy chuckle from Donna. The woman’s back is turned to her as she organises her desk, yet Cassandra hears the smile in her voice as she talks lowly

“Seeing as you are so keen on setting me back, you will make up for the lost progress”

For a moment, she doesn’t understand

How can she make up for it? Cassandra doesn’t know how to sew, or craft dolls. Nor is she about to learn it

When Donna holds up her sketches however, realisation dawns on her

She practically sees the gears moving in her girlfriend’s head, her mind coming up with a punishment fit for “her” crime

She knows, her girlfriend is already calculating the amount of fabric and time she will need to craft the light blue dress in Cassandra’s size, rather than the doll Agatha’s

Yet, when her lips part to protest and blame Angie yet again, she feels a hand slap over her mouth again

She jumps at this, not ever used to her girlfriend simply turning and moving in the span of seconds

Donna hums as she regards the tied and bratty woman in front of her

“Whatever will I do to you?”, she hums, a smirk curling on her lips that makes the brunette Dimitrescu’s thighs push together and has goosebumps overtake her pale skin

“Hey! Fly face! Here!”

Cassandra groans, a bright pink blush on her face as she pours some more tea into the doll’s cup

Really, she wouldn’t do such a thing, participate in such a tea party with the doll, if it wasn’t for the tight collar hugging throat and Donna’s watchful eye on her

Both serve as a reminder to do well, she knows

The dress she’s put in is tight, yet elegant and fits her well

She’s careful not to dirty it with every move, and can’t help but bite her lip to hide a grin whenever she is praised for just that

Longingly, she stares at the doll, Agatha, laying unfinished on her girlfriend’s table

How much longer will she need to endure such humiliation of being Angie’s “doll” friend? Dressed up sweetly and made to serve tea and biscuits to the doll and Donna herself, all for something she didn’t commit in the first place!

Yet, the doll, Agatha, is hardly finished. Not even nearly done, even

It seems, Donna is taking her sweet time finishing her

[chaosandgunpowder]

Plausible Deniability Outtake (Ch6)

I've been working through my WIP files and trashing most of them (no worries, most are just random scenes of PD that have already been posted and are just sitting there gathering dust), except I found this section I cut from the end of chapter 6, because it worked better narratively without it, but if anyone was wondering what Alex did directly after bailing on Thomas I thought I'd share:

Alex takes one look at the empty inside of his own hotel room and promptly lets the door slam closed again without even stepping inside, because his throat is tight and clogged and and his chest hurts and his hands are shaking and sweaty and his head is throbbing and he can't breathe and he can't, can't can't sit alone there with just his own thoughts, with nothing to distract him from the confusion he doesn't want to examine.

Alex knows who he is, and what he's good at, and what he's not. He's not good at confusion. He's not got time for confusion. He's not got the energy for confusion. He's not, in any way, prepared for confusion of any kind.

Especially not confusion over Thomas Jefferson, who had no trouble asking Alex to stay, because he's not confused.

This needs to stay simple.

Fuck.

When John's door opens he's wearing sweatpants and his old Columbia hoodie and it's not until he blinks a few times that Alex realizes how much of a fucking mess he must look, hyperventilating in a hotel room doorway, sweaty and probably smelling exactly like what he'd been doing half an hour ago and his chest pulls a little more painfully at the realization that his best friend knows him far too well, is going to have a damn good idea of what Alex is hiding from-

Except John looks him over, nods to himself, and for once, blessedly, doesn't ask.

“You wanna crack open the minibar and get trashed making fun of the bored housewives that buy all the shit on the shopping channel?” he says instead, and Alex nods fervently.

“Fuck yes, please.”

So if anyone's interested in reading my reasoning, writing about writing, because sometimes I'm Alex and just like hearing myself talk, this was originally the closer for chapter 6, except it just didn't feel right. It made a lot more sense in the tone of the chapter to have it end right on Alex leaving (again). This chapter was all about Alex going from fuck-buddy territory to a place where he's realising he's starting to muddy the lines, and this section would have put him fully into starting the *freaking the fuck out about those muddy lines* portion of his development, which is mostly self-contained in chapter 8.

It also did something really weird to the emotional pace of the chapter, like I hyped Alex right up to manic being upset about Will, and then Thomas calmed him right down, and then yeah, he does get a tiny bit agitated again before he bails, but the chapter's over before it really gets going, whereas with this bit on the end, he starts getting really stressed out all over again, and it starts to feel a bit repetetive and rollercoaster-y.

Also it kinda pulled forward John's realisation that Alex was actually into Thomas to way earlier than it should have been, because although I meant for this scene to come off like he was just being an understanding enabler, it easily reads like John is recognising Alex running away from his *feelings*, and so I took it out to avoid that impression, because John's doesn’t really need to realise that Alex has it bad until much later.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this unnecessary essay. Happy Thursday! :)

[bookofmirth]

When I first joined the fandom (in February of 2023) I saw that it was a little toxic - ships and people not liking certain characters (and some being very extreme about it) - but recently things seem even more intense and aggressive. I see posts from 2016 (when ACOMAF came out) and it makes me so nostalgic and sad that I wasn’t in the fandom at that time, because things seemed carefree and happy. The cute edits (Moriel in particular even though I never shipped them), fanfics, and headcanons people came up with. It didn’t seem like there was so much negativity. People seemed to just be here for the vibes and to enjoy the books.

I know very recently a popular user on here got sent a rape threat on their Instagram through DM (I won’t tag them out of respect) and I had to click off after seeing it, because it left me so uncomfortable and disgusted. I think it’s cruel to send rape (and death) threats to someone just because of who they ship or them liking a certain character. How do people think that it’s okay to send something like that. The negativity is coming from all sides, there’s no denying that, but at the very least we should respect each other’s boundaries. The rape and death threats are pushing it. That’s doing too much. I’m having trouble articulating my thoughts into words, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that the fandom doesn’t really feel like a safe place, and I feel like things are only going to get more intense. I wish I was here when things were upbeat and positive. (I’m sorry that this ask was all over the place). -🦄 anon

Hello 🦄 anon, I hope you are doing well!

I feel bad for anyone who joined the fandom during or after the acosf release. I feel like you never got to enjoy the fandom as it's meant to be, people just staying in their lanes, enjoying the things they enjoy, and being horny about it. There were way more funny memes and just in general everyone knew how to not be dicks. We had disagreements for sure, but it wasn't like this.

but at the very least we should respect each other’s boundaries

Absolutely, if people could just exist and not worry about being sent threatening messages or being made fun of etc. it would be so much nicer. There's no reason for people to act that way and it just makes the fandom feel like it's full of landmines. You never know what's going to set off the next round of attacks. If I didn't already have an active blog, there is no way in hell I'd start posting things publicly in this environment. And it's so easy to not be an asshole? It's so easy for people to just scroll past content they don't like, and to block if it's that serious.

The fandom right now is in such a weird liminal space, not just because normally, it would be super quiet in between releases, but the crossover has muddied the waters and the series becoming more popular has brought new people in... it's like we are all waiting and in the meantime don't know what to do with ourselves. I unfollowed all sjm and acotar-related tags but when I do search them, it's all the same arguments we were making in 2021 and people being mean.

[liminalpebble]

The Refugee: Chapter 15

Masterlist Link

The next day Magnus and Lenora sat on a parapet along the rocky coast. Loki was feeling particularly generous today after their night together, so when she said she needed to be allowed out of the keep to take a walk and clear her head he gladly let her, provided Magnus came with her. Magnus for his part was grateful for this too, anxious to know how she was after her strange evening. They layered themselves in thick clothes against the cold, although the icy bite of winter was slowly subsiding, into a gray, foggy, dampness that might have passed for early spring. They sat together in the intermittent fog, catching sight of the seascape in fleeting moments.

“I'd almost forgotten the outside world really existed after all this time in the citadel. The view from the windows just began to feel like a painting after so long.”

He put his arm around her shoulder. “Well, hopefully he'll let this at least become a more regular occurrence. The training grounds and arboretums aren't a substitute are they? But if he intends to make you his queen as he says you'll be able to travel to dozens of realms, learn all sorts of things. You might even be able to steer this great ship of an empire to actual benevolence instead of...well...instead of whatever the hell it is now.”

She shook her head, conflicted and exhausted. “I can't think about that right now, Magnus. I can't wrap my head around any of this.”

“I'm sorry. That was a tactless attempt to cheer you up with overbearing optimism.” She snickered at that. There was a heavy pause.

“How are you feeling after...well...everything yesterday. Are you in pain?”

She smiled. He was always an eager giver, a selfless healer, a physician to the core. “Yes. I'm in some pain, but the normal kind of pain a woman expects after...” she looked down. “But he didn't do anything really violent. Not like that first day on the ship. He managed not to be a sadist or selfish. He was actually very kind, so at least there's that. I worry about how it will be once he gets more comfortable though.”

“Was it terrible?”

“Not all of it. Not most of it, if I'm being honest. I almost wish it had been terrible so I could be less confused. I feel...guilty...Magnus. I enjoyed it. I gave in.”

“Lea, look at me. Whatever pleasure or happiness you can get from this bizarre situation, you should. I would much prefer that to the suffering he can inflict. And just because you felt pleasure, that doesn't mean you consented.”

“But I did, Magnus, eventually I did...enthusiastically. And...I'm so confused.” He hugged her shoulders a little tighter.

“Hey..hey...it's alright! Whatever you did is fine. You don't owe me or anyone an explanation. He loves to make people uncertain...to muddy the water. Whatever is happening within you, whatever you feel about it or him, is okay.” He held her hand tightly, waiting for the lost words in her throat to make their way out. After a moment, they did.

“It's just that...it was a gift I wanted to give to you, Magnus. I wanted you to be the first, but maybe you wouldn't have wanted that with me. I don't know, but I wish I had the option to choose for myself. Yet again, I was a coward, letting someone more powerful than me steer the important decisions of my life.”

He hugged her tightly, the bright forest of his eyes dewy with tears.

“Of course I would have wanted it! I would have been honored. It's not like I haven't thought about it or you that way. I'm not a god among men or a king but I do love you Lea, far beyond just wanting you.”

“I love you too, Magnus,” she said screwing her eyes shut as the wind of the sea and a cold sadness whipped at her face. “I love you beyond lust, or family, or friendship. I love you in a way that I cannot fully express.”

“Thank you, Lea. I know what you mean and I feel the same.”

“I'm sorry we never got to know what it could have been.”

“So am I, Lea. But don't be sorry. It's not your fault. I'm still here, and I still love you and I'm honored to know you love me.” He came out of  the hug to tug her heavy shawl a little tighter around her and run his hands over her shoulders. He was still crying, mourning all their lost possibilities. He sniffed and laughed, “I've always cried too much, but I haven't seen you cry once. I'm such a baby.”

She gave a weak sad smile. “Most people cry more than I do, Magnus. I wish I could do it more...cry, scream...anything. Sometimes I'm jealous of how Loki can just rage. I wonder what it's like. Instead I just tend to disappear.”

“You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, or can't but...Do you love him?”

She sighed, “I don't know, Magnus. I know I hate him, but there's a part of me that can't help but care about him. Part of my heart breaks for his emptiness and loneliness...relates to it. It's tragic because there's so much good in him, intelligence too, but everything he touches twists or withers or suffers or suffocates. The beautiful parts of him are so beautiful and the ugly parts are so so ugly.”

Magnus looked at her, just realizing something very important. “Funny. I could have said exactly the same thing about the way I love him...and hate him.”

---

As soon as they walked back over the drawbridge and through the enormous black granite entrance, Loki was there smiling to meet Lea, a gleeful ball of chaos contrasting his somber and imposing black keep. He ran towards her picking her up and spinning her around in his arms, like a lovesick boy, then set her down gently with a swift hard kiss and a big smile.

“Darling, did you enjoy the fresh air?”

She laughed a little under her breath in sheer shock at his openly affectionate behavior.

“What's the matter?”

“Well, doesn't this kind of behavior undermine your authority in front of others?”

He said, low and purring, “ Must you always be so sensible? I couldn't give less of a damn. Besides, I'm still terrifying when I'm enamored, perhaps more so” he said with a wink.

She glanced with a weak smile to Magnus, who looked as if he'd just come from a funeral to discover his house on fire, but he was no longer crying at least. She felt her stomach drop, seeing him so shattered. Loki still had one arm tight against her waist, too manic with joy to notice his best friend's plight. “Ouch! Loki, that hurts,” Lea said.

“Oh, I'm terribly sorry,” he said a bit sheepishly, releasing her. “Come with me! I have a surprise for you.” He walked with her down the hall rambling on about the book he was reading and the ideas he had. It wasn't a boring ramble. Loki was many things, but never boring. “Wait, where are we going?” he said suddenly. She had to laugh. It was a bit funny to see the king buzzing around her like a happy golden retriever.

“I'm going to hang my coat up in my quarters.”

“Oh nevermind that, I can do it for you,” he said waving a green glow around her so her coat dissolved, hopefully back to her quarters and not some void in space and time. He looked surprised to see that she was wearing her uniform underneath. “Why on earth are you in uniform?”

“Because I was planning to go work with the department. We're working on the Heksejotun problem and it's really difficult. I'd like to...”

“No no no. Not today, darling! You'll see,” he grabbed her hand, pulling her along.

She was both charmed and uncomfortable with how he was enthusiastically leading her. She would have liked to decide for herself today. She wanted some peace, some normalcy, but Loki was not known for either of those things. They came to a beautiful parlor and as soon as they passed the door frame, Lea's eyes lit up. Before her was a familiar form of tall buxom curves and perfectly styled golden curls. Her luxurious peach-pink dress fanned out as she stood up and rushed toward Lea, holding her firmly in her arms.

“Miss Beatrice!” She gasped in shock. “I was so worried. You never wrote back.I never heard from you!”

Bea was beaming at her former charge with pride, “My god, look at you Lea, my love. How official and scholarly you look, in that uniform, holding your head so high! I would hardly know my little barmaid.”

“Bea, I never heard from you,” she repeated. “Did you get my message from Lo...His Majesty...all those months ago?”

Bea and Loki shared a chilly gaze until Loki broke the silence. “I sent her your message, Lea, but I told her not to write back. I didn't want it to interfere with your adjustment.”

She wanted to slap him. So she decided instead to ignore him, which would hurt him even more. She turned again to Beatrice. “I told everyone that you were just fine, and employed by the empire now. The girls, the regulars, hell, the whole town was thrilled that you were alive and well. Everyone misses the dancing girl of the tavern and the bookworm barmaid.”

She laughed shyly, “I had no idea I was such a celebrity.”

“You really were! And especially after you saved Noa from...well...from this røvhul. You were practically our patron saint!”

Lea looked incredibly uncomfortable at this praise. “Can we please change the subject? Have you trained up anyone for my job yet?”

“Yeah! Wee Rosie from the brothel. She's good...not as quick with the numbers as you were but she's learning.” Lea couldn't help but smile at this. She missed her sisters, her old home.

“That reminds me, Lea! Noa and his family send these, with their undying gratitude.”

Bea carefully handed her a colorful bag, decorated in the intricate geometric Morhari designs. Inside were several polished nuggets of the same blackish-purple ore of her necklace and earrings. Lea gasped, “Bea, I can't accept this."

Bea put her hand over Lea's holding it tightly, “You can. They want you to.”

“Thank you” Lea said quietly. “I don't know what else to say. And thank you for sailing all this way. These gifts...your presence...I don't deserve these.”

Loki interjected, saying with crisp theatricality, “You know, Bea, even this majestic royal røvhul has trouble getting her to accept gifts.”

Bea looked him up and down, annoyed with his interference in their moment. “You know I've never seen you out of your disguised form, Your Worship. Frankly, I like you better blond and a bit sun-kissed, less pale and weaselly. Pain in the ass, isn't he? And I've had to deal with him for centuries. At least when he conquered our village this time the governors are good, not those horrible men from the other cities.”

Lea looked with surprise to Loki. “You kept your word?”

“Do you really think so little of me? Of course I did. I couldn't have those barbarians destroying my empire's reputation.”

Bea looked at him knowingly, her wise gray eyes stripping through his pretense. “What has gotten into you?”

Loki avoided the real answer. “It's more of a 'what I've gotten into' situation, and apparently the answer is 'a gigantic undertaking of cleaning house for an entire empire'.”

“I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you two might just be changing each other for the better.”

Loki beamed. Lea smiled uncertainly.

---

Lea spent the day with Beatrice, and felt her heart break a bit as she saw the gorgeous statuesque women off that evening from the pier. She hugged her tightly and had trouble letting go.

“Take care of yourself and your girls, Bea. Give them all my love.”

“I will, dear. I promise.”

Loki came forward to kiss her hand and see her off properly. As he rose again she gripped his hand hard so that her long nails dug into his white skin. “Listen to me, Loki. You made me break a promise to that girl that she would never have to run away again. I can forgive you for that, but if you don't treat her properly and give her every single good thing she deserves, god-king or not, I will relieve you of your dagger...and I don't mean the one in your weapons cabinet.”

“I'll do better than that, Beatrice. I'm going to make her my queen.”

“Good. She'll be one of the great ones. ”

“And Beatrice....”

“Yes?”

“If you fulfill your threat, you'll need a bigger scabbard,” he said with a wink and a lazy turn.

“What was that all about?” Lea asked as Loki walked back her way, looking at the indentations of Bea's nails in his palm.

“That was your former boss being very protective of you.”

Lea only smiled, and ran her fingers over his skin in a soothing gesture. He pulled her close.

“Will you come to my chambers again this evening?” He whispered in her ear, honey-sweetly.

“I...I still hurt, Loki.”

“Ah...right. Sorry darling. Of course you need rest. We could at least dine together, have some wine on the ballroom balcony and look at the stars.”

“It's freezing, Loki.”

“Yes, and I'm a sorcerer. I can fix that.”

“Loki. I know you're excited about all of this, but everything is spinning for me. It's only been half a year and everything has changed so drastically and abruptly for me. I just need some time and peace. I need to have some solitude and do my work and...” she trailed off unable to find the words. She was afraid he'd be angry, like a child asked to put his new toy away for awhile, but he wasn't. He lifted her face in his hands, to meet his eyes.

“I understand. I know I'm...chaos. You must be exhausted.” He stroked her hair out of her face as the wind tossed it. “Whatever you need, whatever you want, I will see that it's yours.”

Aside from my freedom. She thought to herself.

“Time, Loki, time and peace. That's what I need for now.” He nodded and kissed her gently.

*a/n:  røvhul means asshole in Danish.

@gigglingtigger, @peaches1958 , @lokisgoodgirl , @goblingirlsarah , @sweetsigyn ,Thank you so much for following this story. I hope you still enjoy it. 💛💚💛

[neonhairspray]

Pleasure Little Treasure.

Author's Note: I seriously don't know how did it happen and what is this. But it is ...something. I had to let it out of my system ok? I guess that's what being woken up from your nap + being horny does to you.

Even though it is not specified who I had in mind while writing about the male character it is very much based on a real guy. One of my crushes to be exact. There are clues that might tell you who it is, but if they are to subtle I'd say imagine whoever you want (;

Warnings: Bad grammar and punctuation, light smut. Quite suggestive in general.

*****

Cats are light sleepers. Even if it seems like they spend most of their time in this quite vulnerable state a mere scratch of a branch against the window on a windy day can wake them up in a heartbeat.

That's something she'd learned just a couple of days ago. It was probably in the early morning hours when she was up in the air, looking at the cloudy sky that looked eerily calming through a small window. Or during two hour train ride that took her to where she was now. Blinking her sleepy eyes that were trying to adjust to the dim light of late summer sun & bedside lamp.

Last days of August have brought some warmth to this piece of land tho she was still getting used to the climate that was a bit different to the one she grew up with. Sea was three hundred kilometers away & chilly winds would rarely grace that wooded area she called home. Warm season would continue longer with temperatures of +20C and more making late weeks of September feel like they had one bonus month of summer. Whereas the man that was sitting across her was used to the cold whispering of Northern winds, soft rain & silver colored sky. He actually enjoyed spending his time by the sea, looking at the big waves & breathing in the salty smell that came with it. Sometimes he'd jump into the same unruly waters to calm his forever buzzing thoughts, washing away some of the worries that would pile up through the week. At first it was a bit worrying to see him trying to play with the elements she liked, but was slightly scared of. But as the time went by he made sure to stay closer to the shore and she knew that he wouldn't put himself in danger. Because the image of her scared eyes was more painful than salty water in his lungs.

*****

The beating of her heart was getting quicker and quicker despite the fact that her eyes adjusted to the soft yellow light that illuminated the room. "I must have fallen asleep" she thought. Only to be awakened by a pen falling on the floor. "That's so ironic... Just like a cat, sleeping peacefully on a windowsill..."

She felt startled, heart racing like crazy making her head feel dizzy. Tiredness, excitement, lack of sleep, too much caffeine & too much of everything. It wasn't new & the feeling of overstimulation was something she had to learn to live with yet it was always draining, discouraging even. She clutched to a warm blanket that must have been draped around her shoulders when succumbed to sleep. By the same man that was looking at her with his muddy green eyes, asking something that she failed to register.

Baby ? Are you ok? he repeated

I...I don't think so, but I will be. she smiled I guess I'm still jet lagged.

Maybe... Tho I thought you slept quite well. Or at least that's what you told me this morning?

Not that we had much of it... Sleeping, you know. she murmured to which he sheepishly smiled knowing that it was the truth.

He took her hands in his checking for a pulse. The rhythm was steady, but he could feel her fingers slightly shaking and the whole body still tense. He knew her, that messy yet beautiful mind & the body that hosted it. As well as what to do when things like that happen.

Come here, darling. he said, making himself comfortable on a large sofa & opening his legs so she could position herself between them with her back to his chest. She smiled and took a large blanket with her covering their bodies with a soft material.

You feel so warm she said and turned her head to kiss him. When their lips met she could feel that it would not be enough & he seemed to think the same. Once you taste it you cannot get enough. It was deep and passionate, their tongues fighting for dominance & two hearts beginning to beat faster. A moan escaped her lips earning a chuckle from a man that was now sliding one of his hands down from her shoulder to where he could literally feel her heart beating.

Do you feel it? she asked, already struggling to form coherent words This... this is because of you.

And I feel honored, darling... Relax. I'll take care of you. he said lifting her shirt & exposing her warm skin to a cooler weather in the room. He cupped one of her breasts squeezing it just a little while his other hand found its way much lower, snaking into her underwear. He had her in his embrace, so vulnerable & exposed to him in more ways than one. This wasn't something to take for granted. And he felt grateful that he was the man that she'd given this gift for.

One long finger slipped through her folds drowning in arousal that was so evident. He went further & slid it inside earning another moan from her. It was quiet, but to his ears it sounded heavenly. The kind of music only he was allowed to hear, it was to intimate to share it with someone & frankly he didn't want to.

It feels so good... Ahhh! she yelped when his mouth found her other breast & began to suck her nipple. The pleasure was overwhelming & her moans were getting louder. He increased his pace while still keeping his mouth on her breast. The echo of hear heartbeat was ringing in her ears, the pleasure making her feel light headed. A second digit easily slid into her warmth & at this point she gave up and started bucking her hips, using his fingers to chase the peak that was approaching.

That's right, use me. Use my fingers for your own pleasure his voice sounded breathless. She knew he enjoyed it as well, his hardness was pressed to her now naked bum, hidden under thick material of his pants. Be selfish, baby... It's all about you now.

It was just a matter of seconds as he felt her soft walls squeezing his fingers. He moved his mouth to her neck, the hair of his goatee brushing her sweaty skin & his other hand joining the other one. She remembers hearing the faint sound of David Bowie's Ashes to Ashes coming from his headphones that were now laying on the table. His thumb circling her pearl & a feeling that it's here, just a breath away.

She let out a loud moan as she came, shivers running down her spine. A lone tear ran down her cheek leaving a trail of black mascara & she turned her head slightly only to be met with the same eyes, usually so warm & loving, now being consumed with something that combines lust and adoration. There were moments when he'd be in his element, so into what he was doing that nothing around him existed. Or rather he existed in parallel universe, unseen to the others. She'd look at him mesmerized & full of love. But this was different. This was the look reserved solely for her.

And then he took his fingers that mere seconds ago were inside of her & slowly put them in his mouth. Eyes still on hers, licking them slowly like he was savoring a gourmet meal. Her big eyes grew even bigger not being able to believe what was happening. In these six months that they've been together they were curiously discovering each others bodies, but he'd usually taste her right after her peak, cleaning what was left.

Open your mouth he whispered and as soon as she did it he slid his fingers into her mouth. She never tasted herself & with soft whimpers coming from his mouth it felt even more intimate. It was so raw & arousing, his fingers sliding out of her mouth, leaving the taste of her own pleasure to linger on her tongue.

You all right, baby? was his question that slowly brought her back to reality. How do you feel?

More than ok. Great, actually! she smiled while caressing his cheek. He leaned into the palm of her hand closing his eyes. Umm... Thank you, by the way.

For what? he opened one eye and smiled.

I mean... It's not only about today. But... You know... For being the way you are. In these intimate moments.

He shook his head Remember what I told you in the beginning? I am honored to be a part of this journey. you could feel that he meant what he said in the way how firm his voice sounded. I hope I'm doing my job well in showing how good can sex feel. And if I'm not please, do tell me.

She sat up and looked him in the eye, an array of thoughts and emotions behind hers. I am not as good with words as you, but I can let my body do the talking.

Is that a Depeche Mode reference? he said enthusiastically.

I can already see my influence & I am proud of it. she giggled & positioned herself once again between his legs, but this time she laid on her stomach, hands reaching for the button of his pants.

What... Hey, baby. You... You don't have to, you..

But I want to. came her reply as she tugged his pants a bit lower & tracing her fingers to the hem of his boxers. Her heart was full & her mind was still adjusting to what was happening. You probably had no idea of what you had awakened in me, but let me show you.

*****

[wardogsong]

Frank would you stop being the Punisher if it brought your family back? Could you stop?

gray ghost the frank || inbox temporarily closed

"Who says I want 'em back?" FUCK. No. The words come out a little too quick and WRONG WRONG WRONG. It sounds like he's happy to have his family gone but there's nothing that could be further from the truth; not when he misses them with every fiber of his being and feels their absence like a phantom limb. It's the whiskey barely left in the glass— too much of it in his gut, muddying up his already banged up brain. Remorse washes over his tired battered features, screaming I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT and is chased by despair and disappointment in himself. Frank's a man aware that his social graces are severely lacking these days but this shit is something else entirely and it hurts him to have even mistakenly spoken of his family that way. His babygirl. His little boy. Behind the cringing closed lids of his eyes he sees them like he last saw them, red red red and wrong. Innocent angels.

SHIT, the only comfort he has in this world is the knowledge that they are safe beyond any pain that could ever try and touch them again. It's unfair, it's not perfect, they've been robbed of milestones as shitty as first heartbreaks and not getting into their first choice college; things he should have been there for to wipe their tears away. But AT LEAST, they're at peace. No shitbag boy will ever embarrass or reject his Lisa, no woman will ever rip Junior's heart out and step on it. He won't be dealing out shovel talks or dangling boys from windows for the audacity of doing them wrong. Nothing will ever touch Maria wrong again— she'll never stay up long nights worrying herself gray about them; about all the dumb choices that kids are bound to make as they grow up and test their wings— all the things Frank would have given them grief about like a hypocrite who hadn't done WORSE.

She'll never worry about anything ever again. None of them will. It's the only peace he knows.

Frank shakes his head, makes a face that says he intends to try again but first polishes off his drink— as if for courage or something. "Nah— I get it. That's a thing, now right? All these... uh... what'cha call 'em. The Enhanced. The-the-the weird shit fallin' outta the sky. People takin' a dirt nap then poppin' up like daisies again. Makes the question less uh— less hypothetical than it used t'be. I get it." He's spent the better part of two decades whiling away downtime in the desert with nothing to do but shoot the shit about every conceivable topic with his brothers. They've had deeper, weirder, and stupider conversations but everyone's played at least ONE round of 'who would you bring back if you could' and every associated variation.

"Somebody bringin' 'em back? S'no reason t'take the vest off. Somebody brings 'em back, first thing I'm doin' is loading for bear. I'd find 'em and uh— take 'em somewhere real nice. Real nice. Nice and secluded. Can't hear a man scream type'a place. They're gonna live so much longer than they wish— than they knew was possible with their guts hangin' out of them, but there's ways. Trust me, there's ways."

"Anybody ever touches them again? They're gettin' the PUNISHMENT they deserve, I'll tell ya that."

And if his family still lived beyond such a horror? How could he ever go back to them with his bloodied hands and his marked soul? No. No, there'd be no reason to put down the skull at all. It'd only be EVEN MORE reason to keep it on and live on as the memento mori that Lieberman had dubbed him. A reminder to all who even thought to intrude upon those restored lives that all men die— some more brutally and painfully than others, if they ended up in his crosshairs.

[avadacandelabra]

Dreams from 23/10/24

I was in some strange land and I knew a man there. I think I was the man, and in this other realm we had some kind of relationship. A bunch of things happened and we returned to the outer realm where things were different, and we couldn’t speak. We really loved each other. We were in a room of people and I could only communicate with my eyes and some gesture with my fingers that I remembered happened in the other realm with us. For some reason, we were around all these people and couldn’t speak or maybe I was mute. He was so ecstatic that I'd done these two gestures because it meant that I remembered him or that I being him, was remembered, and we embraced out of sheer happiness. Then I hovered into the ceiling as I was going now but could come back sometimes. I was a child. There were three of us identical sitting in a row, like dolls.

-

FN was in my dream, we were working together, he said something about wearing masks and I said I’m not doing it, it’s my body my choice. Then he walked and away and came back and said I totally get it and we had a little conversation about it and I said to him, I even felt bad for you for having to enforce it.

-

I was at school and he was there, we love each other. It felt like something had changed and we were able to be together in a small way, he started showing me physical affection and even came up to me to hang out as if we hadn’t really been done that before. I felt him staring at my hand and then he touched his hand to mine, rubbing them together in a cute way and saying we have soft hands. I said yeah it’s because I moisturise them now. We still weren’t really having a full on conversations, like my attention was elsewhere but we stood together and were communicating silently. At one point he lovingly stroked my back and it felt really nice. There was a beautiful connection between us. Then it was time to go lunch with our friends. I knew that when we go and sit down for lunch together, he and I would hug finally and be even more affectionate. It's like we would actually be a couple. It’s something I had been waiting for.

He already had his lunch organised, like hot dogs, so I had to go grab mine. We rode on a scooter thing to the canteen, it was fun we were laughing and I even said Hi to Dennis Smillie and he told me that guy always creeped him out. I kind of thought yeah actually he is kinda creepy but I just ignore it. Then I was waiting in line. It was weird the line had student tables in rows so you had to walk around them to advance in the line. I saw all these customers and students waiting in line too. The line seemed really busy at first but on second look it wasn't that bad at all, like a bunch of people disappeared and it thinned out. Everyone was chatting and then some customer came up to me and said that to whoever organised the rowing lesson that it had been hard on their daughter who is disabled because we went through a particularly muddy area. I was confused why she was telling me this, but I did feel a sense of responsibility. Then I realised I guess I was the one who had been in charge of it after all, I guess? I just remembered. Or maybe it had been him and that was why she was telling me but being really nice about it. I kind of palmed it off to him energetically which I knew he felt. I hardly knew who had been the one to organise that but between us we would handle it.

The line kept moving forward but I wasn’t moving with it and there was a massive gap now. I didn’t seem too worried that other people could line up after who hadn’t been waiting as long as I had. I continued to talk and now I was talking to my classmates who were sitting at the tables doing work or something. I kept getting this feeling like I was supposed to get my lunch and go out to sit in the garden as a group. Now the line had hardly anyone in it and I was able to have my turn next. The menu was hard to decipher, it was only 3 options, one was sausages which I saw demo one. I chose the vegan option which was a sandwich with a bunch of tomato salsa and veggies inside. The lady said, is it ok if I give u this one and I’ll make it a bit cheaper cos it’s got a weird shape (was smaller than the whole one) and thicker and lump around one end I said ok. It wasn’t even a freshly made one I saw the veggies in a bowl and fresh baguettes in a basket . Then she put it in a basket and said just a few minutes because it had to be toasted.

[softlittleheartsandsparkles]

So because you keep talking about cross stitch and embroidery, I wanted to ask. Does this hobby have a ugly stage? (I'm not calling your art ugly btw. its very nice!) I just more so mean because I paint and draw, I know there's an ugly stage and I just wonder if cross stitch or embroidery has it too?

Hmm, so for me I would say "yes" however I don't know if it's truly an "ugly" stage as most of it is copying your pattern, and that's a slow process. So there's the start were the picture your creating doesn't look like much, or right, or you may panic and wonder 'did I give myself enough room' (... things I worry about) but because your filling in square by square it slowly starts to look like something? but also I find whats hard is sometimes being... like uncertain you did it correctly. (I also find methods like parking can make stuff harder, as you have many floss on the go stuck in a project and it can be confusing. Plus also I worry about wrapping different flosses up and getting tangled and just.. well yeah the mess. >< I'm trying parking currently and I don't like it. XD I also find it hard because the colors sometimes can be far to similar. Like offshoots of different shades of green & there all really close to one another, it's hard because they aren't labeled once there put in the project. so it's like 'is this... the right green? *holds up green that has a number card.* No wrong green... are you the right geen? *holds up another strained*....') I feel like the unsure/uncertain feeling I currently don't experience as much with embroidery, as embroidery atm was just filling in what's printed on the fabric, either by hand or the pattern is printed on in the kits I've used. I notice for my embroidery kits, even though it takes awhile to fill in, I don't really have so many feelings of 'did I do this right?" Like, I feel like for embroidery I have less of a panic, and more of an excitement of 'ooooh' "oooh pretty" "Oh how cool is this?!" or "... I don't like this stitch." Cross stitch is like... "whew I did this okay". (I've done cross stitch longer, but I've also done cross stitch not so well. ^^; So I get a little down, and sometimes judgemental or just nervous that I'm messing up. especially because kits do cost money and idk I worry about being wasteful. ^^;. But I find because of this, the stress is more there cause I wanna make some stuff that looks 'good'. I have a couple projects that I've stopped that looked really bad/nothing like the picture & my motivate would leave. &So, I haven't posted them, or worked on those ones. As they look really irky and wonky and I'd have to ripped up lots of work. so what I'd rather do is keep the pattern and when I feel more confident try the project a second time. But yeah. I find patterns like this to be a big learning curve and major difficulty. ^-^ but it's okay! ) I think mostly what's painful and what I've dealt with a lot of with cross stitch is finding out I frogged. (I miscounted stitches, which means the next color won't fit, or what I've made doesn't look right and I've figured out its cause I miscounted.... So I have to go back and remove stitches. they call that frogging, cause your ripping your stitches up.) But I'd also say it's apart of the process, much like how earsing for drawing is a thing, or painting and muddying a color is a thing. It's frustrating, but when you finally do a good piece you feel excited/accomplished. The only real difference I see is with cross stitch or embroidery pieces is these can take literal weeks, or months to work on. ^-^ But yeah, I think probably a "ugly" stage does come into effect, but I also believe there's a huge self doubt stage that can be set into motion and it's pretty hard too.

[anotherhumanpet]

He'd count that as a win. "It must be fuckin' scary, having to work so hard at keeping everything about yourself under wraps. Worrying when things start slipping out of control." Judas nudged closer, "I don't really know what it feels like, but I'd like to understand."

While he doesn't initially understand what Judas' thoughts are, or agree with them once he does start to grasp at them, Pierce still turns the words over in his head, giving them a great deal of thought before piecing together his own reply. The effort and control he does have to exercise to maintain the persona is exhaustive, especially with how muddied things had become lately. There use to be such clear lines of who was allowed in, who wasn't...

Jaden sighs.

"It's not scary, it's exhausting. I run everything through a filter, and constantly screen what I'm about to say to make sure I'm not saying too much that'll give me away but also not so little that I may as well have not said anything at all. Pierce is not... lifeless, just, distant. Impersonal." He shrugs, glancing at Judas as he moves in. "It gets scary when things get mixed together, like when Silas started targeting the kids and I got put in the middle of one of his schemes against them. And when I stupidly tried to use my two sides to shield Dennis in the absolute worst fucking way possible. And when Silas pressed me about it. And when everyone started watching me a little closer after I sabotaged the mission. That was scary."

Another bout of silence, another train of thought, and Jaden purses his lips together in a frown. "I guess it's scary too how easily those assholes could undo my guise by just tapping into whatever they want, whenever they want. Hell," Jaden threw out his arm to make a broad, angry gesture, "Oron kept fucking sneaking onto the base to say hi to Shale a while back, even though she told him not to and to keep his distance from her. Then, I've got fucking V hacking my phone last night just to claim they're not so bad and I should just leave them alone, when I had never even fucking spoke to them in the first place so why in the fuck do they care what I even think of them and why did they fucking even contact me to begin with? Like," another gesture was made, "What's fucking stopping any of them from doing anything they want to? Besides my EMP rifle and a couple of grenades, but that's besides the point. My point is that they're running around like they fucking own the place and we're just living under them now. It's their world, we're just the peasants they've got to put up with. But when I set boundaries, when I say no and fuck off and leave me alone, I'm the bad guy. I'm not. I know I'm fucking not. But I'm fucking sick of being made as one, ya know?"

[lovemirrah]

11:33pm, 1 January 2023

As I type this entry, I've got 'People' by Libianca playing on my Spotify. Cause you see people, they don't really know you.

Recently, I had a conversation with a cousin of mine and one of the things I mentioned in passing was the realisation that the only person who knows you best is yourself. Putting God/divinity aside, as human beings, no one knows you as well as you know yourself; but even that is a constant work in progress. I'm 28 - well, 29 in two months if we want to be really specific, but I'm still learning new things about myself every day. What's my personality type? What are my love languages? What's my attachment type? What do I value most in my relationships? What are my goals?

Who you are today is a culmination of everything that has happened to you and how you interpreted those scenarios since you were a child. Eventually, in your adulthood, you either become a by-product of those circumstances, or you go against the grain to make sure you don't.

During my first therapy session, I was asked to think about how I envision my 30s to be. After thinking it through, I came to the conclusion that I simply wanted to be happy - in whatever form that may be. Forget career goals or material milestones, happiness and finding fulfilment in my own life is more important to me. In the ideal world, yes, I would love to be married with 2 kids in a house of my own, living in a different country. Maybe a great career to boot too. But if that doesn't pan out - in one or all ways, it doesn't mean I'm can't live a good life. It doesn't mean I can't be happy. At 32, 35, 39... however I may be, wherever I may be, I truly hope I'm leading a life that I'm proud of and content with. And I hope by the time my 40s roll around, I've reached a place where I've grown to be more accepting of my being - my body, my thoughts, and my feelings.

But where does one begin with attaining happiness?

Instead of making New Year's resolutions this year like I've always done in previous years, for this year, I want to prioritise me first and how I can help me to live my most authentic self. I want to take a step in building a happy and healthy relationship with myself first and foremost before opening the door to others.

For my mental and emotional well-being, I signed up for therapy in Dec 2022 and that's something I hope to carry through into 2023. To have someone in my corner; someone I can talk to about anything and everything, and cheer me on through all the muddiness of life. Someone who can give me their unbiased and objective thoughts/feedback - I think I really need that.

For my physical well-being, I'm hoping to be a little more active in my pursuit of a less sedentary lifestyle. If that means quick 1-hour walks most days, or sessions in the gym (again), or picking up a dance class like Bachata and committing to it - so be it.

For my overall well-being, I'd like to see more of the world and experience new experiences - cultures, adventures, activities, cuisines. If that means getting myself out there to try them solo, why not? A 2-hour tufting class sounds fun, or even learning to bake a pastry. Go to concerts - even if you don't know the songs, take a flight out to Fiji for a quick 4-day trip and be one with the ocean.

I would like to be more comfortable in being unapologetically myself. Enough with the overthinking and worrying about how people might perceive me. If I like someone, I want to be able to let them know and not hold back. I just want to be honest with my feelings and communicate them. Enough with the walls I've built, I want to tear them down piece by piece. The only person holding me back is me - why did I let it get to this?

I'm 28 turning 29 soon, and I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to enter my 30s fearful and unhappy. I want a life worth living and I'm taking that first step today.

Wish me luck.

[fenristheorem]

Hi!! I love how you write Lance🥰! I'd like to request how he would react to the first hug Gardienne gives him. I feel he hasn't been touched in a while, so a cuddle could make his heart go pitter-patter🥺

It doesn't have to be when they're dating, just after a while she woke up, he saves her and she's thankful and hugs him out of the blue

Thank you so much! 😄

I agree, I don’t think Lance has had any kind of affectionate physical touch in a long while. I actually wrote another headcanon about Lance with a really touchy Guardienne where I talked a bit about how I thought Lance would react to the first time she touched him (in that case it wasn’t a hug - so while it’s a good description of how he’ll feel, it’s still a bit different). That one is written with them as a couple, but it doesn’t really effect too much in the beginning, so I would highly recommend checking that out as well!

Due to how specific this ask was (and because the other ask was in headcanon format) I decided to write this as a short-story/scenario.

~Under the cut~

Lance’s reaction to Guardienne suddenly hugging him after he saves her:

Huang Hua realized in time that, no matter who she sent with her on missions, Guardienne would still get hurt. Guardienne believes this is a curse - she’s forever deemed to go on a mission with hopes and ambitions, only to be sent back being carried on the shoulder of a friend and find herself re-awakening in the Infirmary. However, she still needs to go on missions. She was one of the two saviors of Eldarya, and a functioning member of the guard again - she can’t just sit around and do nothing every day.

So Huang Hua decided to send Lance with her. If anyone from the guard could keep her safe, it was Lance.

This, of course, was met with a bit of backlash by Guardienne, but it’s been a while since her reawakening and accepting that Lance is now working with the guard again, so she puts up minimal fight. That and the fact that she’s tired of being a human test dummy for the nurses to find new ways to heal her wounds (they don’t actually do this, but they might as well at this point).

And that’s how they find themselves in the middle of the woods together. Alone.

Lance knows that she’s still a bit uncomfortable with him around, and he doesn’t blame her, but he hopes that she’ll trust him to protect her if it comes down to that. He’s determined to not let anything threaten them in the first place; he’s keeping a sharp eye and ear out for their surroundings, but he’s aware that her track record shows that something always goes wrong eventually. Certainly all the members of the Obsidian guard couldn’t be that incompetent, not with Lance biting their heels when they slack off, so it’s just a matter of time...

“Take a left... by the curved tree... a trail in the mud...”

Lance’s ice blue eyes flick over to watch Guardienne as she mutters and treads her way along the forest path. She’s picking around carefully, searching for something on the ground, but Lance recognized immediately that the dirt here is far too hard to show any prints that she’s looking for. The proper landscape for that would still be another half hour’s walk if he remembers this part of the forest correctly.

“I should have asked Huang Hua for more specific directions...” Guardienne softly hisses her discontent as she stops walking and looks around for a moment.

Lance takes this moment to walk past her, setting a steady pace instead of her meandering as he follows the trail through the forest.

“Lance?” She asks as he passes by.

“You won’t find any tracks in the mud here.”

“What do you mean?”

“The ground here is too hard. If there are tracks in the mud then they’ll be in a muddy area, not here where the land is hard.”

Guardienne pauses for a moment.

“I don’t know, everything is sort of muddy after the rain.” She sighs, then screeches; “So wait, you knew the whole time that we weren’t in the right area!? What the hell, Lance!?”

Not again with this, Lance thinks. The last time she was angry at him he was punched in the face and gained a new scar on his hand.

“You told me you were sent to find tracks in the forest that may be from an animal from your world, you never told me that they were in the mud.” He did his best to keep his voice steady, but he doesn’t know how she expected him to help her in any way when she doesn’t explain the details.

“You could have asked for more detail...” She quickly simmered down to a prickly mutter. 

“True, however, Huang Hua only sent me to protect you considering your record-” “Don’t remind me of my record!” “-so I’m here to escort you, not help you. I’ve been too busy watching our surroundings to scour the ground looking for prints. Now please be quiet so I can listen for anything.”

Guardienne quiets and Lance wonders for a moment if he was too harsh; she was well aware of why he was sent with her, and it wouldn’t really hurt to help her a little bit... But I shouldn’t go asking to distract myself, my orders are to protect her, Lance thinks. Regardless, he was still a bit nippy at her. This was an uncomfortable situation for him, and although him and Guardienne can get along, they do have days where they can do nothing but feud, and in those days, feuding with each other can make up the whole day.

He stops in his tracks and sighs, turning around to face her. She nearly runs into him as she focuses on the ground, possibly lost in thought, but quickly comes back to and stops a foot away from Lance. Her eyes meet Lance’s cool gaze as he studies her.

“The tracks should be somewhere around here, the terrain here is soft enough so they could be easily seen by a passerby.” Lance says in a gentler tone, turning his gaze off of her to begin his watch of their surroundings.

She starts to walk past him and then stops for a moment, half turned back to him.

“Ehm... thanks.”

His gaze flicks to her for a moment and he nods his head before scanning the forest again.

Many minutes pass - a twig cracks somewhere deep in the forest. Lance snaps his head in the direction and focuses on the area it came from. Just a small creature scuttling around.

“Ah!” 

Lance nearly draws his sword as he turns and lunges in the direction Guardienne is in, only to nearly trip over her as she crouches to look at something.

“Would you mind making another noise of surprise next time!? I thought something was attacking you!” Lance hisses as he regains his balance.

Guardienne looks up at him, eyes wide in surprise as she wasn’t expecting him to be so jumpy.

“I’m sorry... you don’t need to be so tense though...”

“With your record? Yes, I do.”

“Stop talking about my record or I’ll give you a pretty scar on your other hand to match the first!”

“It’s more likely for a Boltue to sprout wings and fly.” Guardienne continues to curse at him as he carries on, crouching down next to her. “Are these the prints you’re looking for?”

She glares at him and huffs before turning her gaze back to the tracks.

“Yes, they look like prints from a dog, maybe a wolf.”

“Anything of concern?”

“If it’s a domesticated dog then probably no, they’re like the companions we have here. Wolves might be more of a concern. They’re predatory animals about the size of a Fenrisulfr but generally stay away from humans. Being in a different world could change their temperament though...” Guardienne traced the prints with her fingers, worry lacing the expression on her face.

“Let’s head back then, if it’s a possible concern we need to notify to guard as soon as possible.”

“You want to lead the way? If you’re so jumpy then maybe you can jump into a thorn bush on the way back-” But as Guardienne continues her rant, Lance tunes her out and raises his head, briskly scanning the forest around them with a cold, focused gaze. He could have sworn...

A thump of paws and a roar is all he has in warning as a Warrifang leaps from the bushes.

Guardienne’s rave is cut off by a short scream as it lunges for her, but just as it’s about to reach her Lance throws his weight against the feral creature and slams it to the ground with a grunt. It retaliates with a screech and snapping jaws at his throat, pushing against him with all it’s might and managing to loosen his hold enough to shove him off.

The Warrifang lunges for Lance this time, and he only has seconds to bring his forearm up so the Warrifang’s teeth can meet the metal guard on his arm instead of soft flesh. Lance reaches for his dagger and grips the hilt, slashing outward and catching the Warrifang’s shoulder. It yelps, flailing backwards before lunging for him again. However, Lance is already crouched, sword in hand, and charges the beast. He gets one more hit - a light wound across the top of it’s neck as it ducks it’s head - before it yelps again and flees back into the forest. 

Lance spares only a second’s glance at Guardienne to assure she’s alright before his gaze follows the Warrifang as it flees into the forest, straining to hear if there are any more signs of a possible threat that may try an ambush after the scuffle. After a good few moments with no other sounds, Lance turns to look at Guardienne’s condition, who’s staring at him from a few feet away with an astonished expression.

“You alright?” He needs to know if he managed to do his job properly. Surely she must be alright - he completely intercepted the Warrifang.

“Yea, I’m alright...” She murmurs. Lance begins to strap his sword and dagger back into their leather holds at his waist. “I’m sorry...”

He looks back up at her, minor confusion written on his face.

“I’m not being very pleasant... but you didn’t do anything to provoke me. And I ridiculed you for not helping me on my mission when you were told to watch my back. So thank you, and I’m sorry...” Guardienne spoke quietly as she averted her gaze.

Lance looks away from her as well, studying the arm guard that the Warrifang bit down on. Perhaps Ewelein could run a few tests on the saliva...

His thoughts scattered when he felt two arms wrap around his torso, pulling a soft, smaller figure into him. He jerked his head back a bit, looking at Guardienne in surprise as she rested her head lightly on his chest and leaned into him.

“Thank you...” It was spoken so soft he thought he’d imagined it.

Lance froze for a moment, awkwardly standing with his arms half-way raised as she settled in before he found her warmth to be... comforting. Slowly, hesitantly, he brought his arms down and around her shoulders and waist, pressing her just a bit closer.

He nearly cried at how welcoming it felt.

When was the last time he hugged someone? When was the last time someone actually touched him with non-violent intentions?

Lance bit his lip and held his breath for a moment, fighting every urge that told him to nuzzle into her shoulder and lean against her, and resigned to locking his muscles as to not move any further. The last thing he wanted to do was to upset her in this moment; not when she was gracing him with such a wonderful gesture that he hadn’t felt in years. In her arms, just for this moment, he felt truly calm and content. It felt like laying down for the night after a long day of labor that left him with aching muscles. 

Of course, this moment was also gone too soon. Within the same minute, Guardienne pulled away from him - he could swear that she was hesitant while doing so - and refused to meet his gaze and she turned and drifted down the trail back towards the guard.

“We should probably head back, Ewelein and Huang Hua will be thrilled to hear that everything went well.” Her voice was steady but the downturn in her tone told of dismay.

Lance wondered in minor panic, for a moment, if she could feel how strong his reaction to that hug was, but he couldn’t focus much on that with the loneliness that was creeping back into his heart again. Hollow... so, so hollow now that he’s alone again...

He started down the path after her, reminding himself to stay alert - the Warrifang could always come back - but he knew he wouldn’t stop thinking about that hug for weeks, months even. And as much as he enjoyed it, he almost wished it never happened. How can he return to the routine of his isolated life after being so wonderfully embraced?

~I hope you enjoyed! I’ll admit, I’m quite pleased with this one! I feel this is a good showcase of my writing. Perhaps I’ll work on writing a few un-asked short stories after the rest of the asks are done.

Have a request? Ask them here!

But first, please read the rules list for asks!

[solivagusdraco]

From the Depths of a Lab: Boundaries Between Nonhumanity and Creativity through the Journey of a Potential Silvally 'kin

I'm a dragon.

That's a fact I've known for over a decade at this point. It was pure chance that I ever even learned of otherkin - somewhere along the line, one of my best friends mentioned being a therian, and so I asked what that was. If I ever had any doubts about my draconity just being something developed because I heard this new fascinating thing… the fact that I still feel my wings and get sense memories when I search for them, even after this long, would eliminate those… we'll call them worries. Perhaps a poor choice of words, but it's what fits in my experience - I'm firmly in the spiritual otherkin camp.

And perhaps that, and my continued journey to understand psychological 'kin, is part of the "problem" that spurred this essay.

Again, perhaps a poor choice in words.

This isn't some discussion about facets of the community, or debate on origins. My experiences aren't another's, just as theirs aren't mine. This is an essay on personal exploration, and the adventure of trying to confirm or deny a kintype whilst sifting through muddy water, years after I've last done any serious introspection on such topics. But if you're still interested in the personal ramblings of this dragon, then I welcome you and will pull up a nice rock for you to sit on. All I ask is patience, for words are hard for me. Talking about myself is even harder.

I awakened as a Dragon in 2010. I found a hearttype in Painted Dogs in 2014. Both of which were… simple.

I found my dragon in meditation and introspection, finding memories of both sense and the more traditional kind. The senses persisted, and still persist. Perhaps one day I'll wake and realize I'm not a dragon, but that doesn't change what I am now, nor how I feel. I am a dragon, and I found that through soul searching.

I found a home in painted dogs during a chance trip to the zoo. They had just recently finished a new exhibit for those fancy canines, and for some reason I just felt so excited to go see these creatures I'd never heard of before that moment. And then I saw them and while I didn't feel like looking in the mirror… It felt like looking through a photo album. I'm not them, yet still they're so familiar.

But this isn't an essay about dragons or canines. Or perhaps it's an essay about them both, just in a different, chimeric form.

Pokémon has always been a part of my life. As of writing this, I'm 27 and the franchise is 25 - the only part of my life without Pokémon are years I don't even remember. I learned the TCG, my first video games ever were Gold and Silver, I had plush and played pretend with my friends. I had favorites… but I never made a character. Not a trainer, not a Pokémon. Rather, it was literal decades before I made a proper Pokémon OC.

Sev the Silvally was made out of a desire to try and run a Pokémon ask blog as a means to improve my art skills through regular practice. I don't even remember the thought process that made me choose a Silvally over any of the other hundreds of Pokémon - I just knew that I'd started drawing and suddenly I had a crime against Arceus with a broken RKS Drive. Granted, Type: Null and Silvally had been my favorite Pokémon of that generation, and my inspiration for the blog was a Type: Null blog.

Later on, Sev would become something of a comfort and coping character for me.

I had been abused by someone I considered one of my best friends in high school, and while I had since recognized it as abuse by the time of Sev's creation… It still bothered me. So I decided to have Sev's escape from the Aether Paradise be that he was stolen by an abusive trainer, and his evolution happened when that trainer turned her abusive hand to a Rockruff pup - an evolution not through love for his trainer, but rather through a desire to protect. Sev escaped his abuse and got the chance to learn how to live without the shadow of his trainer looming over him, just like I hoped to do. Escape that shadow. Let Sev be my guide through the nightmares and hate scrolling that still persisted.

He stopped being just a character.

But what does this all have to do with otherkin?

As I mentioned, Pokémon has been a part of my life for effectively my whole life. Yet despite that… There's never been a Pokémon that gripped me with the intensity that Silvally has. I've hungrily looked for merch, official and unofficial. I'm in the midst of making a fursuit, complete with electronics. One of my Tumblr usernames is multi-attack, and oftentimes now when making an account on a website, the first thing I check is if 'Silvally' is taken as a username. The design I painted on my mailbox is of my dragon and Sev, in a sort of "coat of arms" reminiscent style. This chimeric Pokémon latched on to some part of my mind and refused to let go.

And yet it wasn't until this past year that I even considered that Silvally could be something other than a "mere" favorite character.

Perhaps it's a hearttype. Perhaps it's a kintype. Perhaps it is just a mere favorite character. Introspection is the answer, regardless. My way to find just what Silvally is to me. But then there comes another question. Another problem.

With my dragon, the hunt for memories was clear cut. I had no existing thoughts to sway the hunt, and what memories I eventually found… They had little comparisons to various dragon media I'd consumed. But I start this investigation with Silvally at a disadvantage - I've made a character with crafted backstory, and consumed what little canon information exists on the species. There's no blank slate for me to start from - whatever search I do will always be colored by Sev and his tale.

So then I have to ask myself:

Is Sev his own character, or is he me?

I've never had a character that I was able to just write. Perhaps it's akin to soulbonding, but what I've read on that experience just doesn't quite taste right for the circumstance. I'll create a path for my characters, a baseline for their personality to grow on… but all too frequently, they end up bucking those guidelines and becoming their own person, as it were. They don't keep me company in my mind, but they still make their own minds clear should I try to direct their story or actions in ways they don't agree with.

Where does one find the boundary between self and other, when those "others" make their own decisions yet aren't their own entities?

To say nothing of my tendency to dole out my flaws and traits to each of my characters. Each little facet of myself being the seed from which a character will grow. Sometimes as the simple fact that the familiar makes creation easier. Sometimes as a means to work through a problem. But regardless of reason, it doesn't change the fact that almost every character I've ever made has had some piece of me in their core.

But… When every character you make is a facet of yourself, the moment you consider that they might be more than just a character gets muddy. Is it a hearttype, born from a facet of yourself that your subconscious decided you needed to care for more? Or is that facet just a part of you that recognized what you were, long before your consciousness connected the dots? And if kintype it is, then how do you determine what memories are real? Were the plot points and character biology you designed mere fabrication of the mind? Or were they flashes of another life, fleshed out, recorded, and/or adapted in the name of writing?

As if the discovery and determination of memories wasn't already complicated enough.

Sev's name was the only decision I consciously made whilst creating him - shortened from 'severance', as his creation was for the partial purpose of finally separating myself from old memories. Everything else just… happened. There was no rhyme or reason or choice to anything. Not his color, not the reason he and the other Silvally of his world were created. Every plot point, every musing on his biology was a simple moment of "Oh, so that's how it happened".

In what way is that different from how I found my dragon, with her quiet nights of meditation and introspection until the memories and feelings fell into place?

Now don't misunderstand - this isn't me saying that discovering a kintype is nothing more than making a character. That couldn't be farther from what I'm saying! Rather, I'm musing on the question of where the boundary is between the creative process and the discovery process. If Sev (or just Silvally in general) isn't a kintype, then it's still fascinating to me that his creation was so similar to me discovering my dragon. And if he is a kintype? Then is that particular creative process something to be mindful of when contemplating "original character" kintypes?

Perhaps this question would be easier to find an "answer" to if I knew what Silvally was to me… but I don't! That's almost the point of this essay - a vague attempt to knock some solid feeling thought loose from my mind.

It just happened to lead to a fascinating line of thought.

[beykhabarr]

Under the Stars I made you mine (Wolfstar Oneshot) ~Fluff

I sit with my cheek pressed against Sirius’s back, as the wind rushes past us, my hands intertwined at his chest, the city lights only a blur, he is smiling, so broadly I almost forget there is a war looming over our heads, I forget that death could be next door.

“This feels different, doesn’t it?” I ask him, loud over the sound of the wind.

“What does?” He asks, tilting his head to the side.

“Not flying!” I say, and he laughs. “I always associated this bike with magic, using it without magic seems weird”

“It feels normal doesn’t it?” He says more solemnly this time, he puts one of his hands over mine at his chest, and I press closer into him, seeking his warmth, he smells like leather and smoke, and like the night air. 

Sirius suddenly turns from the straight muggle roads into the muddy roads of the forest, “Hey, where are we going?” I ask him.

“Just trust me, yeah?” I nod, and then I realize he can’t see me.

The bright nights are suddenly replaced by the timid darkness of the forest trees rushing past us, it reminds me of when we were young, the detours into the forbidden forest, the night adventures, the countless pranks. Despite being darker, it is more comfortable, more us.

The thick lush trees, slowly give in to a wider opening, and soon enough the solid ground ends in front of us, revealing a lake, enclosed securely by the darkness of the forest, it seems at the sky merges into the dark lake, the stars and the crescent moon reflecting in the still water. I smile as Sirius brings the bike to a halt, and I get off, intertwining my fingers with his.

“It’s beautiful,” I say, without thinking.

“It’s us,” He says, wrapping his hands around me. “The moon and the stars merged into one”

I smile, against his neck.

“I love you,” I say, despite the strong urge to call him a sap, there is something different about tonight, a finality that the ongoing war has brought forth, the haste to say things, to make most of the borrowed time, because no one can promise a tomorrow.

“I love you,” he says it back, his voice muffled in my shirt.

I pull back to look at his face, it is stained by tears.

“What is it, love?”

He shakes his head and pulls away. 

He does it a lot these days, be vulnerable one moment and completely shut himself the next, by walls I cannot see through, it worries me, but I don’t push.

“Do you want to eat?” He asks me.

“You brought food?” I cannot hold back a small laugh that erupts in the back of my throat “Can’t believe you’re prepared for something, the first time in the history of Sirius Black, yeah?”

“Yeah, make fun all you want, but you as well as James know, but will never admit, that I was the mastermind behind all our successful pranks, how is that for being prepared?”

“I am going to let you live in your bubble”

“See as I said, will never admit” He smiles at me in the mild moonlight ��How did that big head fit inside the helmet, huh, Moons?”

“I didn’t wear one, you buffoon” I laugh, but I already running out of retorts. “So, what do we have?”

“Err, nothing much, just some mashed potatoes, beacon, a cake baked by Lils, and a load of chocolates, because I don’t want you to get grumpy”

“And wine?”

“Yes, wine”

“Oh my God Sirius, I thought this was an impromptu ride in the night, I didn’t know you put so much thought into it, I love you so much”

“I know,” He says and winks.

He takes a small bag out of his pocket, for a second I am confused, but then I know what that bag is, so I am not surprised when he starts pulling stuff out of the tiny bag, barely the size of his palm, he has candles, and wine glasses, and even some mosquito repellent.

I almost laugh at the surprise that is Sirius Black.

We sit in the mild moonlight, the forest echoing in our ears.

"Do you ever just think, what if we were just some young lads, having fun rushing through life?"

He asks me, my head in his lap and his hand in my hair.

"Aren't we young lads?"

"No, I mean if I were just some Sirius and you were just some Remus, what if we were big no bodies, how easy would that be,"

"I guess, we won't be in the middle on an ongoing war, I'd be worried about getting a job rather than being worried about the collateral deaths of my loved ones, it would be easier"

"It would be easier to love, given that we would have had the privilege to take things slow, and enjoy every little thing life has to offer"

"I guess you're right, but doesn't the copious reminder of death pushes us to live life fully, to be vulnerable?" I look at him, a gentle smile is playing across his features, but there is a sadness that runs deeply within it, a part of him I wish I could reach.

"Wow, I never thought about it that way"

"I-" I am about to make a snarky comment when something moves in the darkness of the trees, I am already on my feet my wand out.

"Who is it, show yourself or I am going to use magic" 

Nothing moves.

"This is your last chance," I say.

A hooded figure walks out, looking rather sheepish from its composure.

"Calm down Moony, it's just me" James says, followed by Lily behind him. She elbows him in the ribs "Way to go, James, so much for being subtle" she says and scoffs at him.

"Guys, what is going on why are you...like...being creepy?"

"Remus, honey…" Lily says but she is looking at something behind him, he realizes that Sirius hasn't said anything about the sudden disturbance, normally he would be trying to strangle James...Sirius then mumbles his name and he turns to face him.

Sirius is on his knees, his eyes brimmed with tears.

“All my life” he begins “I always felt like an outcast, that there was something so cosmically wrong with me that everyone who was supposed to be my family treated me like a curse, an eclipse, when I felt like I could no longer go on, that it was too much, looking for answers but always reaching a dead end, you came along, with your ruffled hair and snarky remarks, you taught me, love, you treated all of the imperfections as just more reasons to love me, even when I was a complete asshole, you didn’t leave my side and I always wondered why, maybe more than why I wondered how, how did the universe, after an eternity of pain and torture suddenly decide that we needed to cross paths? I was confused, but every morning, when I look at you, as you wake up beside me, the sunlight in your hair, and the smile that tugs on your lips when you open your eyes, that every single moment has led up to this, leading up to us, and I want to hold on to your, forever, I can’t imagine a life without you in it, so,” his breath hitches, and he takes in a deeper one.

“Remus John Lupin, will you marry me?”

For a moment the world has stopped, it’s just me, my breath caught in my lungs and him, looking at me, in his had a ring, and I fall to my knees in front of him, my brain in yelling for me to say yes, to yell the tiny word on top of my lungs.

“Yes,” a tiny voice escapes my throat instead, “Yes” I say again, because it feels like a dream, it is everything I have ever wanted, but always knew didn’t deserve, and now I was being showered with so much happiness, it felt unreal. I throw myself at him, and we’re both a mess of sloppy kisses, laughter and tears. And we stay tangled, together until the fireworks go off.

Amazing artwork by @maisen98

[ponreviews]

The Circle US Season 3: Alliances Run Deep

Category: Reality TV, Competition

Overall Rating: 5/10

Synopsis:

The Circle is back with new faces (real or otherwise)!! Watch these lovable (debatable) characters compete for $100k by building relationships, forming alliances and taking each other down all while being locked in their apartment. From an MIT techie to a 52 year old southern belle, this group of Circle contestants really know how to bring the heat in competition.

[SPOILERS FROM SEASON 3 AHEAD]

Review:

WOO This is a long one! I needed some time to get my thoughts in order, and as you can tell by my rating, I have very mixed feelings about this season. First impressions are always important, especially in this literal popularity contest. It was really easy to pick out who I liked and disliked from the start, much more so than the previous two seasons. Kai, Ruksana, and Michelle were my top 3 hopefuls from the first batch of players. They are genuine souls who really wanted nothing other than to be themselves in the game. The one player that left the worst impression on me from Day 1 was Nick... I know. People are going to be mad at me for that. Nick is probably the most popular player this season among fans, but I have my reasons.

To start off, he was a computer science major from MIT. Before everyone gets mad at me for pointing that out first, I also graduated college majoring in computer science. My experience with men who are computer science majors is not great. Many I worked with (not all of course) came off as arrogant and look down at people who might not get the concepts as fast as they do. I also was a fan of Shubham who didn't need to hide the fact that he's a tech nerd. There are exceptions to what I experienced, but Nick's introduction fit that description to the T. He does a good job at hiding that level of arrogance in the Circle, but that doesn't make me want to root for him. I also wasn't a fan of his hyper fixation on the girls in the game. First there was Ashley, then Ava, then Isabella, and even when Jacki came in he was thirsting so hard.

I could go on about how I don't like Nick, but that doesn't mean I don't respect his game. He did well to focus on his strong bonds and he definitely deserved to be in the top 5 because of that. He solidified a strong alliance and kept close tabs on strong players he wasn't as close to. That being said, it's the same for my girl Kai. Nick and Kai were two sides of the same coin this season. Both had strong alliances and overall great relationships with the other players. Their overwhelming popularity ended up costing them in the final rankings, as Nick and Kai ranked 5th and 4th respectively.

Before we get into the Top 3, I should probably talk about how the events led up to the dramatic finale. This season really knew how to piss me off by doing Michelle dirty like that. Granted it was Ava and Chanel who chose to be Michelle, but you can't blame them either since it was their only way to stay in the game. Unfortunately, I did find Ava and Chanel kind of annoying, so insult to injury when the real Michelle got blocked. There had been a lot of criticism against Michelle for choosing to go see the fake Michelle, but how would seeing anyone else benefit her? She lost and just wanted answers. The viewers want things to be interesting, but she just wanted to leave knowing who was behind fake Michelle. I know if I was in her position I would want to do the same thing.

Ava and Chanel didn't make it far after Michelle, just as she predicted. Honestly, they weren't all that interesting aside from the whole Michelle situation anyway. It makes sense for them to be the ones out fast. The surprising player to me was Calvin. He didn't give me a good first impression. He gave me a similar vibe as Nick, but the difference between him and Nick is that Calvin wasn't as strategic as Nick. As his relationship with Kai grew, we really see how vulnerable he really let himself be at this point in the game. He took more things to heart than a lot of people in the game, but he stayed loyal to the ones he kept close. Yes he had strategy, but all he really wanted was to make it far with his friends. I was disappointed that he chose Nick for the burner profile but I was more upset that he was gone so soon.

Calvin was the one link between the alliances with Nick and with Kai. With him gone, the divide was clear as day. Nick, Ashley (Matthew), Isabella (Sophia), and Jackson (Rachel) against Kai, Ruksana, Daniel and James. The next blocking would be one that no one is happy with. Jackson/Rachel getting blocked made the most sense to me. Even with James having less time with the other players, Rachel couldn't really solidify her bond with the others, and the most crucial player she needed was Daniel. Ruksana getting blocked also made sense (much to my dismay...). Nick's biggest threat is Kai, but if he got rid of Kai, Ruksana can raise hell in the Circle. His alliance is unified against Ruksana but only because of Kai. If Kai went out this time around, Ashley and Isabella could potentially be swayed towards Ruksana. The double blocking kept the alliances balanced, but introducing Jacki tipped the balances.

Jacki had the biggest disadvantage being the last person in the game. Being new was the only thing keeping her from getting blocked as soon as she moved in. The only real advantage of keeping Jacki strategically is that she is malleable. James was the first one to get a good impression on Jacki, so even if she wasn't exempt, I'm pretty sure James would've saved her. It's easy to criticize James for not fighting for Daniel since the alliances were so clear, but in the end he did have a deeper connection with Ashley/Matthew. Daniel's choice to visit Isabella/Sophia was an interesting choice. If the pattern was gonna be the same I would've assumed he would've went to James and demanded answers, but because of the attention towards Isabella being a catfish, who could blame him for wanting to find out? Their meeting ended up being really wholesome anyway. They were on opposing sides, but in the end it's every player for themselves. He got along with Sophia when they actually met and he chose to give her support (and tea).

After that blocking, Jacki's blocking doesn't seem worth mentioning because it's so obvious with James and Nick as the secret influencers and the fact that she had so little time, so let's talk about the top 5! I was honestly worried about Nick winning the whole thing until everyone gave their thoughts in the final rating. In the end, everyone's ratings were strategic because I was surprised to see Kai and Nick rated the absolute lowest out of the 5. By the final ratings, I was honestly hoping Ashley/Matthew would win. Don't get me wrong! I was still hoping that Kai would win, but the way that everyone was talking......... That win for Kai was gone.

Now the most controversial part of the season: James won. Throughout his time in the Circle, he was the funny one, the one with no filter, and he genuinely left a great first impression on the other players (through to the end). However, him giving up Daniel and Jacki brought him a lot of hate from viewers, and initially I felt the same. Does him winning piss me off? No. It makes sense. I'd like to think this is my Libra moon coming out because I can understand why he made those decisions and why the other players would rate James so high. Literally, Isabella/Sophia is the only one I would imagine rating James low due to the persistent catfish suspicion and the betrayal for Daniel. Kai, Nick, and Ashley/Matthew all had positive experiences with James.

I do give this season a 5 though because it's not as wholesome as Season 1 nor is it as dramatic as Season 2. James winning was a disappointing one to many. He folded to Nick so fast and that angered a lot of viewers. It definitely wasn't what I hoped for considering I was rooting for Kai and Matthew at this point, but at the same time, I was really just hoping that Nick didn't win because of my own bias against him. Because of that, I'm fine with the end result. I wasn't excited about his win like I was about Joey in Season 1 or Deleesa in Season 2. You could feel how much love the other contestants had for the winners for their respective seasons, but with James it felt more obligatory from the others. This may be because he wasn't there in the beginning. Players like Michelle and sisters Ava and Chanel didn't even know him since they were eliminated before he came in. The season may have been too polarizing in the sense that the eliminations became predictable and disappointing. The only really satisfying thing to me was seeing Nick disappointed in the finale. Again, my bias against him is speaking here, but I could not help but laugh my ass off when he saw Sophia.

To sum it all up, it was very easy to pick favorites at the start, but once Calvin left, it gets muddy from there. I still have strong opinions about certain players, but they all played a strategic game. If you say even one person wasn't strategic (with the exception of Michelle) you are lying!!!! The players that made it to the end had very understandable reasons for playing the way that they did, but doing that doesn't make everyone happy. The finale kind of proved that. In no way did I feel as excited for James to win as I did Deleesa or Joey. Honestly, the only person I would be excited for in that top 5 would be Kai. I did however find it sweet that James could finally propose to his girlfriend of 12 years. I'm not mad at how things ended, but it's definitely not my favorite.

[ressyfaerie]

Do you still take any requests? If you mind... since you've asked about crack pair, how about Tyson x Raul? I'd like to request Tyson and Raul as backpackers and traveled around the world. Imagine if they get lost in the jungle and meet Blitzkreig Boys when in their lost.

I prefer sub version, but you can choose as long as you comfortable 😄💕

(Btw I'm @circus-and-roses but I requested with this account since I've planned to move into this blog)

I love me a good crack ship, honesty Tyson and Raul sounds dope af I can see them totally vibin. This is a prompt with SO MUCH like how do I get the demolition boys in the jungle? How gay can I make Tyson and Raul? Are they campers who can survive a jungle? How am I going to tie this together? Writing all of this in a short fic will be the ultimate challenge, you better be prepared, if i can pull this off I will be the most amazing fanfic writer/ detective genius (UPDATE I got really into it! And I accidentally started using dub names I’m sorryyyy this turned into a FULL FIC LOL) so I’m popping it into a read more: 

Tyson couldn’t stop staring at Raul. 

They had been dating two years and Tyson still felt head over heels. He would be the first to admit they were an odd pair, but after talking for hours over two meals after the championships, it just clicked, and here they were. 

Except not really, because here, was the Amazon, yeah the jungle? In Brazil? You know the one. 

The sweat rolled down Tyson’s neck and Raul almost tripped staring at it. 

“Raul stop staring at your boyfriend and focus on where you’re walking.” Hiro scolded him.

Raul and Tyson had been traveling the world for a few months, However their trip was cut short when they were called on this expedition immediately, they had to drop everything in Venice and jump on the first plane. 

Why? 

Bit beasts of course. 

Raul leaned over Tyson’s shoulder grasping his bicep and feeling it up juuust a little bit. 

“How is Dragoon?” He whispered it to Tyson, he didn’t have to whisper, honestly he just wanted the attention. 

Tyson rubbed his forearm over his forehead wiping off more sweat. He made sure he wasn’t too aggressive, he didn’t want Raul to let go of his arm, he pulled out Dragoon with his open hand. 

“He’s not as active as he was an hour ago.” 

Hiro heard Tyson clearly and gave a hand signal to the rest of the expedition team behind him who all sighed and stopped. Hiro made his way to Tyson. 

“Show me dragoon.” Hiro demanded. 

Tyson showed him his blade which was glowing with a faint blue hue. 

Hiro groaned, “With Dragoon changing it’s mind this much we’re never going to find the rock before any of the other teams.”

Tyson shook his head, “I wonder if any of the other guys are having this much trouble.” 

Raul comfortingly patted Tyson’s head. “It’s going to be fine Tyson, if we don’t find it someone else will-” 

“No Raul.” Hiro growled, “Don’t you get it? We need to get it first for the BBA.” 

Raul was too pure, he didn’t understand the companies rivalry, “But- we’re all friends-.” 

“No, not right now. Max is with the PPB they already have a bitbeast rock. Ray is with the white tigers and they want their own rock for their village, and Kai-” 

“Kai is with the Demolition boys.” Tyson grumbled. 

Hiro interrupted. “And they want the rock for themselves. Don’t you get it Raul? We have to get it first.” 

Raul sighed still holding on to Tyson, “I just don’t understand why we can’t all just- Share.” 

Hiro laughed and rolled his eyes, “Tyson you need to teach your boyfriend a thing or two.” 

“Don’t worry,” Tyson winked, “He’s gonna get it later.” 

“Hey!” Raul smirked more than happy to receive his punishment later. 

Tyson looked down at Dragoon again, still glowing the same hue. 

“You have to do it again?” Raul asked Tyson. 

“Yeah.” Tyson began to walk around the section of the jungle in circles, surveying dragoon the whole time waiting for any change in energy. He shook his head. 

“Nothing?” Raul felt bad, his boyfriend never looked so disheartened. 

Tyson shook his head again. Raul approached him and gave him a tight hug around his neck. 

“Oh my god stop I’m so sweaty!” Tyson giggled. 

“Tyson can you get serious for a second?” Hiro yelled to him. 

Tyson knew if Hiro could take Dragoon and do it himself he would, but they needed Tyson’s energy to fuel Dragoon, it wouldn’t work in the hands of anyone else. 

“I wonder how the other guys are making out…” Tyson closed his eyes and swayed his head back and forth thinking and calming himself in Rauls embrace. 

“I’m sure they’re having just as hard of a time as you are.” Raul kissed his ear reassuring him. 

“No, I’m doing better.” Tyson smirked. 

“Really? How come?” Raul didn’t believe him. 

“Cause none of them have a boyfriend as amazing as you.” 

Raul buried his red face in Tyson’s neck embarrassed. 

“You’re cute.” Tyson reached up and ruffled his hair. “Come on, let’s set up camp.” 

The expedition team set up their camp and elevated tents. Neither Tyson or Raul were fans of camping, especially not in a deadly jungle. Tyson remember Raul’s reaction when he told him he was going: 

“You know there’s birds that kidnap BABIES there right!?” 

Tyson laughed remembering his terrified expression. 

Tyson couldn’t sleep. He hopped out of bed and pulled out Dragoon. 

“Damn.” It was still the same hue and glow as before. He put on his shoes and left the tent. 

He stood in the jungle just outside camp holding Dragoon. 

“Come on! It makes no sense- One moment you’re glowing like crazy and now nothing?” 

“Tyson?” Raul appeared from behind a tree, “you can’t be away from camp like this.” 

“Raul it’s been days since Dragoon had that glow. Apparently no one’s found the rock yet. So what is happening?” 

Raul could sense his boyfriend’s frustration bubbling over. He grasped his hand and smiled at him. 

“We will figure it out.” 

Tyson let go of his hand fast. 

“Tyson?” Raul was surprised, but also slightly offended. 

“No- It’s not you- Dragoon.” 

“He is kinda glowing a bit more huh?” 

At that moment Dragoon emitted a radiant light. 

“Raul!” Tyson moved Dragoon side to side, pinpointing the location he was pointing him in. 

Tyson started in that direction.

“Tyson! You can’t just go wandering the jungle in the dark!” Raul yelled after him, “We have to go back to camp and get Hiro-” 

“Raul if I do that Dragoon might stop! I need to go now!” Tyson whined, he could already feel the power from Dragoon fading, Raul hesitated biting his lip. 

“Are you staying or going?” Tyson didn’t mean to sound so intense, but he knew time was running out. 

“I’m coming, I can’t let you go alone-” 

As soon as Tyson got permission he took off, Raul following closely behind him. 

He used Dragoon to light his way and kept increasing his pace as he felt Dragoon’s power increase. 

“Tyson slow down! Please! You’ll hurt yourself-” 

“AH!” Tyson screamed as he slid down a gully and rolled over into a stream, Raul fell behind him and collapsed against him.

Or not him? 

“What! Who!” 

The other boy got up, he had just fallen as well. Raul couldn’t see anything but feel, he grasped his arm, “Who are you!?” 

“Mff- get the hell off me Tyson-” The boy cursed. 

Tyson used Dragoon to light up the boy’s face, at the same time the boy shone a red light in their faces. 

“Kai!?” Tyson and Raul shouted in unison. 

“Don’t act so surprised, you knew I was around here after all.” Kai grumbled. 

“Why are you out here this late alone?” Tyson asked worriedly. 

“I could ask the same thing about you two

“We have each other-” 

Kai laughed, “That’s just about as useful as a Beblade without a ripcord.” 

“Shut up Kai.” Tyson shot back. 

“So why are you out here Kai?” Raul asked, clearing the tension. 

Kai’s eyes shot side to side, he was debating on telling them or not. 

“Dranzer. She hasn’t had any activity in days, and finally tonight, she was like fire.” 

“Same with Dragoon!” Tyson chimed in. 

“Odd.” Kai responded. 

The three sat in the muddy area conflicted on what to do next. The two ancient bit beast wielders stared at their blades which had mysteriously stopped shining brightly. 

“Where’s your camp?” Kai asked.

“Um-” Tyson hummed. 

“You’re lost? Morons.” Kai laughed in disbelief, they were really a lost cause. “The demolition boys camp is just on the other side of this ridge. You can stay there the night before heading out.” 

“Wow really! Thanks Kai!” Raul thanked him, but Tyson squinted his eyes wondering if Kai had secret intentions. 

Once they got to camp Tyson and Raul discovered the Demo boys were really not in their element. Kai didn’t seem to mind the heat in the rainforest, but the humidity was killing him, the rest of the boys, well they looked like icicles on a hot beach. 

They barely talked to the boys, they didn’t seem interested. Kai’s tent was the biggest so they all squished into it. 

“Don’t be weird.” Kai scolded them before rolling over to head to sleep himself. 

Tyson jabbed Kai in the stomach, “what do you think we’re going to do jerk?” 

Kai shook his head. 

Tyson glared at him, “I haven’t seen you in ages Kai and you think I’m going to do weird things with my boyfriend while sharing a tent with you in the jungle-” 

Kai placed his hands over his ears, “I’m not listening! Stop being weird-” 

Raul shot a look at Kai and coyly addressed Tyson, “imagine if we just made out right now-” 

“I will kick you out of my tent back into the jungle immediately.” Kai said deadpan. 

Eventually they all fell asleep.

Dawn broke and Tyson blinked trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He rolled over and saw Dragoon.

Glowing bright. 

Tyson ripped the single blanket off himself and shook Raul. 

“Raul get up! Now!” 

Raul made a disinterested sound, Tyson shoved Dragoon in his face and he forced himself awake immediately. 

Tyson started to put on a shoe, but his eyes lingered on Kai’s sleeping silhouette. Dranzer glowed red like flames beside him. 

Tyson could get to the rock before him. But that wouldn’t be fair. 

Tyson made sure Raul was ready to go, he held his shoe that wasn’t on in his hand.

He threw it at Kai. 

Kai sat up startled and cursing at Tyson. 

Tyson pointed to his blade while shoving on his boot. 

“Looks like we got a head start!” 

Tyson and Raul leaped out of the tent while Kai’s yelling faded behind them. 

They followed the glow through the jungle for hours and finally found a rockface. 

“Tyson we have been scouting around this mountain for days. It can’t be in the mountain, we would know.” 

Tyson held out Dragoon, the glow was so bright it hurt to look at. 

“It has to be around here somewhere Raul-” 

Raul had started climbing the rockface. 

“What are you doing that’s dangerous!” Tyson hollered at his boyfriend, but Raul didn’t seem to care. 

“It has to be on the mountain Tyson! It’s the only explanation!” 

Tyson viewed the cliff from a few steps back. It could be scaled, but it would be sketchy. He decided to follow his boyfriend’s lead. 

“Here comes my dragon.” Raul called Tyson his nickname in a cute voice. 

Tyson laughed, “You better not let this dragon catch up with you-” 

“Oh no-” Raul giggled. 

“Hey hey don’t climb too fast!” 

At the top they stopped and laid down catching their breath. 

“That was awesome.” Tyson smirked and reached for Raul’s hand. 

Raul got up on his feet and held out his hand to Tyson, Tyson took it, Raul pulled him up dragging him into a kiss. 

Tyson pushed himself away first. “That was amazing.” 

“What does Dragoon look like?” 

Tyson pulled out Dragoon again which was pulsing. 

“That’s different?” Raul knit his eyebrows.

“We must be close.” 

They continued into the dense forest on the top of the mountain. 

“Ugh!” Tyson kept throwing vines out of his face. Raul followed behind him, until finally, they reached a clearing.

“Tyson?” 

Tyson saw a familiar face on the other side of the clearing, it was Ray. 

“Ray!” Tyson was happy to see his friend, he noticed Driger in his hand, glowing brightly. 

Behind Ray, Max popped out from behind him, “Tyson!” 

Max ran toward Tyson throwing out his arms and giving Tyson a massive bear hug. 

“Ah! You’re killing me!” Tyson groaned but wore a huge smile.

Max pulled out Draciel, “Is Dragoon pulsing too?” 

“Yeah.” Tyson showed Dragoon to Max and Max showed him Draciel in return. 

Ray approached them with Drigger as well. 

“Did you guys have as hard of a time getting them to show the way as much as I did?” Tyson laughed and scratched the back of his head. 

“Oh yeah.” Max sounded exasperated, Ray nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah me too.” 

Another familiar voice.

“Kai!” Max screeched and approached Kai with his bear hug embrace. 

Kai tried to shrug him off but gave up receiving a light hug. 

“Okay. So now what?” Ray questioned. 

“Um…” Tyson looked around the clearing hoping for an answer. 

“We’re on top of a mountain, and this is where our bit beasts are strongest.” Kai pointed out.

“Let’s try putting them in the middle of the clearing.” Max suggested. 

They all shrugged, no one had a better idea. 

They all piled their beyblades in the middle of the clearing and sat in a circle watching their blades pulsate. 

“Well. It was worth a try.” Ray pointed out awkwardly. 

Raul kept scratching at the ground and messing with the rainforest substrate. 

“If you keep doing that you’ll dig to the other side of the earth.” Tyson joked. 

Raul laughed but frowned when he touched something hard in the ground. He started to dig away the moss and dirt revealing a perfectly smooth rock underneath. 

“There’s no way you found it just like that.” Kai was mildly pissed off. 

Max started to pull away moss and dirt, then Tyson and Ray joined it. They had cleared half the clearing revealing the smooth rock which also seemed to have designs engraved into it. 

“Come on Kai help us!” Tyson yelled at Kai. Kai uncrossed his arms reluctantly and got down and started digging as well.

“Wait.” Tyson stopped.

They all stopped to look at him. 

“What if this whole mountain is the rock?” 

They surveyed the clearing, they had almost unearthed all of it and the smooth surface just kept going. 

“I think you’re right Tyson.” Ray laughed. 

“So-,” Max stood back up awkwardly, “Who found it first?” 

You could cut the tension with a knife. 

“The bigger question is, who can transport an entire mountain?” Ray laughed thinking how absurd the situation was. 

“How about, the bladebreakers found it.” 

Tyson suggested it but was met with different expressions. 

“It’s really the only option.” Kai stated bluntly.

“We will all have to share the discovery.” Ray grinned, knowing it was for the best.

“Oh!” Raul jumped. 

“What?” Tyson couldn’t stop admiring his cuteness. 

“So we’re all sharing then?” 

Tyson blinked realizing Raul was right. “Yeah! Ha! I guess we are!” 

Raul drummed on Tyson’s arm excitedly. 

“Oh I can’t wait to see the look on Hiro’s dumb face!”