#I feel like I have to finish this for myself tho
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If someone told me last November that a year from then I’d be procrastinating doing anything BUT continuing my playthrough of the newly released dragon age game I’d call them crazy. I’m extremely tolerable to bullshit. The amount of objectively bad media I am able to enjoy is really high. I have been willing to forgive BioWare for a lot of bad game dev decisions. But not for the bad writing. So here we are.
I have not opened the game in a week now. Something broke in me when after 50 hours I finally reached act 2. So many people said it’s supposed to get better starting from that point. But I’m sorry, what exactly got better? Why is the story suddenly just ‘go do your companion quests!’? Where’s the freaking plot???
I can’t get rid of the feeling as if the game has been chopped into pieces at the last minute, rearranged by throwing out like 3/4 of the writing bits and then hastily sewn together.
#this is me venting about my feelings more so than about the game’s act 2 btw#idk maybe when I finally calm down and force myself to play through it#it will be better than what it seems now#have been following the plot by watching my friends play instead#I feel like I have to finish this for myself tho#to be able to objectively give my opinions about the game#but it’s so hard man#I never thought I’d be so demotivated about anything dragon age related#especially not about a whole new game in the universe#part of me feels stupid for being so dramatic and worked out about a video game#veilguard critical#dragon age critical#bioware critical
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something i promised on my kofi 6 months ago... 🫠
#sorry for people who has been asking for commission and finding me very unresponsive#literally i don't feel ready mentally ; i think the '6 months' is self-explanatory#frieren: beyond journey's end#fern#sousou no frieren#fanart#frieren at the funeral#actually it was 1.5 years ago; i was supposed to be drawing other character that time#but for 9 months i didn't manage to make myself sit down & finish it; so 6 months ago i re-asked if the person wanted other character#bcs i thought i need to re-start fresh & maybe the person's interest had changed#ko fi#when drawing for money sometimes u sit down & just stop 'working' entirely ; like ur will goes blue screen & refuse to do it#because it's / work / and u have to be more meticulous ; it gives u all the extra pressure#tho i like to have the money again.... but i'll start studying again soon; and i'll need to do my best on this one i think#drawing has always been a distraction on my study so maybe it is a good thing if my drawing drive dies down for a good while#tho not drawing at all also stress me out; finger crossed for good life balance#I CAN'T BELIEVE POPULAR TAG SHOWING THAT PEOPLE ALSO KNOW IT AS 'FRIEREN AT THE FUNERAL'. THAT SOUNDS WAY TOOOO DEPRESSINGGGG.....😭😭😭😭
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a sturdier toy
#a doodley#ok finished it up anyway#something abt how i didnt wanna continue it bc i drew myself so ugly but like thats how u know its depressingly accurate i guess#anyway recently been thinking about talon having those prey drive and intense “i wanna crawl inside your body''#feelings but nobody including him can tell if its in the Oh My God I Like You I Wanna Merge Souls way or if its in a more fucked up way#i think it could be both#tho i guess ''fucked up way'' also isnt fair bc he doesnt actually wanna kill anyone hence the ''i wish you could quickly heal injuries and#not die so i could do it over and over''#thing
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And goodness, you're bleeding, what a wonderful feeling You're down, and you're pleading, my head is just reeling
Goretober 2024, Day 2: Sharp Objects
#artings#goretober#goretober 2024#blood#knives#fnf#friday night funkin#pico newgrounds#nene newgrounds#pico fnf#nene fnf#art#digital art#artists on tumblr#artists of tumblr#sketch#digital sketch#notttt gonna use PS tags because this is very reliant on fnf lol#also not gonna mature filter this one because its like. canon-typical cartoony violence. this will probably be the only one tho njngJFKN#REALLY proud of this ill be so real. guys i know its just a sketch but dont let it flop 🙏🙏 /silly /nf#ill probably come back and finish this when i have more time i already had to stop myself from coloring this too#since i started pretty late and neeeeeddd to get more progress in on my comic b4 i have work this weekend#:EDIT: ALSO. this isnt ship art but feel free to tag as ship i do nottttt care. toxic yuri
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quick lil post about coming back to art full-time while also being a full time MSW student….it can be possible 0.0
anyway ty to everyone who has supported me over the years i wouldnt be able to go back to art without you all
#muertodraws#also becoming a lil more comfy calling myself autistic even tho every autistic person i have ever me is like yea ur us lol#back in therapy and i finished my first sem of grad school off strong#next sem will be crazy but o well#hoping to volunteer at a cat shelter next yr too#i need a cat in my life or else i will explode#i would get one now as an esa but i just dont have the money#so heres to hoping#anyway i know my asks are off and thats cuz i just needed to focus on school#maybe theyll come back on next year but for now if u need to reach me feel free to pm or email me#dm me on instagram too if u gotta reach me#trying to balance being on here and also wanting to be invisible and blend in with the masses and work my 9-5 and act like i dont have like#intimate knowledge about online discourse lmfao#anyway#see u all soon
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to the next stage of our adventure! digimon survive week 2024 day 7: post-game / future personal thoughts under the cut - less about the artwork and more about shuuji and lopmon themselves. a long rambling containing major spoilers and heavy topics. will cause whiplash. proceed with caution.
other than the fact this may be boring and long-winded, cw and tw: there will be mentions of self-harm and suicide. if these topics make you uncomfortable, please step back. if you're sure, then alright. i'm aware this is a weird place to ramble about shuuji and lopmon considering the notorious highlight of their story would match the themes of day 5 (villains) and day 6 (dark & loss) better. unfortunately (ironically?) i never planned to feature them for those days, so... pretty sure i'm not the only one feeling this, but when i discovered that a good part of the fandom seems to loathe shuuji with utmost passion, even after they claimed to have completed the game, i was confused. the way his death happened and (understanding) the cause made me uncomfortable for a while, but never drove me to the point of hate... once i recovered from the initial shock, what i felt towards him was more pity, then respect (on truthful route). i feel shuuji should have been one of the most appreciated characters in survive. yet it was the opposite that happened. (between you and me though, knowing there was this discourse with the fact digimon survive is a visual novel, i'm not that surprised it turned out this way...) from my point of view, lopmon evolving into wendimon then killing shuuji symbolizes suicide, the act of taking one's own life. it was the climax of shuuji's mental breakdown, leading him to basically self-destruct, causing damage to everyone around him and ultimately himself. lopmon evolved, just like he hoped. but failed to do it like other kemonogami partners (maintaining control of themselves and fending off enemies). the next and final outcome was death, through his own partner actually eating him alive too. it reminds me how when someone thought they have prepared well for something important yet it failed spectacularly, the devastation and frustration would eat them in the same way from inside. and they probably would for one second think, "i'm better off dead". the more i pondered about it, the more it hit home, so of course, the last thing i could do is hate him, when his struggles sound similar to my own - having to rely on consistent achievements to prove your value, to feel you are worth living and not a waste of resources. the part where shuuji went all abusive on lopmon felt like the equivalent of pushing yourself to the extreme to reach your goal, to the point of neglecting your own needs. it's like a student so absorbed in their study, sacrificing food and sleep, until their body eventually snaps and shuts down for good (...this in fact happened to one of the students at my previous workplace. she was in her last year of high school. life was just about to truly start for her when her classmate informed us of her sudden death). even in truthful route where shuuji and lopmon survive that point, things aren't immediately nice and easy for him. you can see that he still has self-doubts, and what i think is impostor's syndrome. he could be making a great contribution to the team and still put himself down for having done "nothing". i have found it interesting that artists and writers tend to be especially fond of shuuji. so perhaps it's not just the matter of one's upbringing - whether you were raised in a harsh, competitive environment and/or with family with (unreasonably) high standards so you can relate more easily to him - but also whether one can see just what every struggle shuuji and lopmon went through symbolizes shuuji's mental state. out of all survive characters, i think shuuji and lopmon pulled off this thing called "surviving" the hardest, no joke. which is why i almost always gravitate to drawing them happy because that's what they deserve :') after all this, what i also would like to say is, it's okay if a character makes you uncomfortable. it's okay if you hate a character. but never, ever bring down the character to people who like them or even consider them their favorite or comfort character. if you must, do it in your own space and only with like-minded people.
#digimon#digimon survive#shuuji kayama#lopmon#survive week#survive week 2024#obligatory shuuji-focused post where i make myself go a bit ✨ extra ✨#sorry for the long rambling tho i just thought i never had the chance to put this in words and this time i really want to do it#thanks for being patient with me :')#so i didnt manage to post for all days after all but i still have the ideas and sketches#if i ever finish them i will post and tag#if we have another survive week next year i hope i can actually prepare early so i could just schedule posts like a boss#then enjoy every submission without having to worry about finishing my next one#back to commissions starting tomorrow o7 updated my vgen listings recently so feel free to look around if you'd like#let's keep surviving y'alls#png
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maybe the real voltron was the friends we made along the way
#so i finished. feels like they did not put a lot of thought into shiro or hunk's epilogue lmfao#overall i dont think it was Bad. it could have been better yknow. but again. it feels like they just needed a little extra time to breathe#in development. it's just bones.#i do think perhaps some of the criticisms i have seen of it are just from people pissing on the poor#i could fix her!!! ough i really do want to rewrite this sdnfksjfd but that would unfortunately require. having to watch this again#and i cant do that in 24 hours#im so sad this is disappearing. this is the only show for which i ever stayed up for the midnight PST release#back when only season 1 and maybe 2? were out i used to watch them constantly. sometimes in spanish to practice#like i wouldnt have ever finished without the threat of it leaving but this is the worst timing to reawaken my affection for it lmao#grateful for it. wish i hadnt waited so long#i did need time to forget the insanity tho bc if i had made myself keep going and finish at the time#it would have poisoned the ending i think. nice to finally watch those last 4-5 episodes with a fresh perspective#but at the same time this is How Many Years ive missed out on being able to talk about it lmao#maybe there is a renaissance. idk i havent looked into it too much but i guess i should now huh#we'll see if things are any different or if it's just the same shit i got tired of the first time around#but anyway. the show is still fun and i enjoyed it for the most part. very sad to see it go#mine#voltron
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Hatsune Miku doodle
#basically mt older brother had a laptop he wasn't using anymore and techinically gave it to my mom#but my mom gave it to me since she already has a laptop#anyways the colors are kinda eh but i didn't feel like painting or being colorful rn idk wanted a simple easy thing to get used to having#to use a wacom tablet again -___-#going to try and finish up my one commission left plus maybe draw those requests i got on kofi digitally hehe#tho drawing on this tablet is kinda the worst but i did draw on this for like years but....main did my surface pro spoil me -___-#keep trying to remind myself how one of my fave artists litcherally draws with a MOUSE PAD like i can. i can handle a screenless tablet#even tho i dont want to -______-#art#doodle#miku#hatsune miku#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#fanart#digital art#sketch#illustration#vocaloid miku#artwork#arin moss#arin moss art
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figured i'd do this again..bit early i guess..
#to cheer me up.. i feel bad atm.. these things don't even make me feel very good tho bc i'm such a narrative/sketch-based artist..#but Proper Beautiful Finished Pieces are what grab attention and look good at the end of the year all neatly lined up lol.....#so looking at a “yearly review” where i can only choose 'the best image of the month' (??) is like...What have i even been doing...#i did a month by month look back on twt for myself instead..but even that doesn't express the quantity of comic-based stuff..#that i do put a lot of time/heart into..but alas i feel bad bringing even them back..RTing/reblogging my own art simply feels bad lol..#AND WHY IS IT ALL B&W...trying to accept that i LIKE doing that and sketching and scribbling..not like i'm trying to like..Get Artist Job..#this year was so profoundly lonely at times bc i spent all my time drawing instead of socialising and trying to find friends....#please please please have achieved more of your dreams in the future so you can look back at 2023 and think..#It was good that happened so that it got me further to the future. Or whatever i guess.....................#regardless i did have a great amount of fun drawing and improving this year and dwelling deeply & heavily on witch hat atelier.#art-wise and emotionally....march july & september were the best months i think..AUGUST WAS SO WEIRD SUMMER IS SO EVIL ALWAYS.#thank you very much if you are reading this for enjoying & leaving nice tags & such like <3 i've realised how fulfilling that is to receive#really keeps me posting stuff here instead of keeping it all to myself in my head#i wish everyone in this world could have a safe and happy end of year. i wish living in this world were easier
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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*crawls out of an open doorway covered in blood* I finished my Assignment
#god you have no idea how brutal the last 24 hours have been 💀💀#goddamn#I popped OFF tho I grinded so fucking hard to finish#I’m really proud of myself but I do wish it could have been done without staying up til like 6am#but guess what now I’m cozy in bed and I get to go to SLEEEP I don’t think I’ll even stay up last 8:30 tbh#I’m that exhausted#and just so fucking happy to be in bed without guilt or stress and not doing homework all night#aaahhhhhh it feels so good
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physically restraining myself from redrawing a bg n making it unnecessarily complicated n detailed
#I AM NOT DRAWING A BUNCH OF DETAILED BUILDINGS FOR A SMALL BG PIC IM NOT IM NOT#one of my nr 1 rules making the ask blog was that i was gonna half ass shit more#so that id actually get shit done#i can either go complicated or detailed#if i do both ill never finish anything u_u#i should actually be going 2 bed tbh............#But! im at least working on shit for the blog again which feels great!#still have some other projects i gotta finish also.... But i have abit more wiggle room 2 also do my own shit inbtween#for now..........#until deadlines catch up with me again B)#tho hopeully i can plan out my time better n not spend like 2 or 3 months filled with anxiety B)#rambles#also semi related i am also restraining myself from making an aradia ask blog................. u dont know how tempted i am#but i also know i dont have the time for it.................................................................#but.................................................................................#i wanna
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I need to fix expressions / push the poses more and obvi refinement for clarity BUT-
Meet the sketch wip that is overtaking my mind instead of me just putting the Last Damn Details on Eve's ref♡
#doing an art trade of the “finishing each others sketch” variety#the theming being assigning batb duos to ourselves and doing lil character designs based on em♡♡♡#we were og going to keep it all a secret of our choices and whatnot till the trade but..#we a pair of yappers ♡♡♡#might change the cogsy (object form) pose a bit too.. but we'll see dhrjdjd#lemme tell u. much harder to do a personified clock to design when u cant just make the clock hands a mustache lol#also yes the lumi dress sihlouette is insanely anachronistic#but have you considered that she is simply ahead of the curve? everyones still in the rococco era and she's already moved on to regency.#dw tho i make up for it with the cogsy dress#have to do it JUSTICE for my fave rococco expert♡#I usually stop myself from calling cogsworth “cogsy”#because i feel insane for it and i cannot recall for the LIFE of me anyone else who's reffered to him as such#which also feels insane because it feels like SUCH an easy & obvious nickname#and one that'd probs annoy him lol#gem stop yapping in ur tags#artz<3#art wip#batb
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no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo
#snap chats#is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds#ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much#i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day#not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀#excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT#this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE#got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up#AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu#and then immediately made up for it a minute later#sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up#i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided#thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ...#him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet#im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo#im gonna be sick i love him so much#if i redraw this later shut up. i love him...#this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt#its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do ....#and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!
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so i realized last night that the pain medication my doctor prescribed is also an anti-depressant and could possibly be the cause of me feeling like a person for the first time in 4 years. who knew i needed to be medicated.
#<- desperately needed to be medicated#if it is the medicine i will be very happy bc then i can feel like this all the time yayayayyyy#if its not and im having some sort of bipolar episode then oh well at least im having fun while it lasts#and it might come back again even if i do get depressed again#i hope its the medication tho. i havent felt like Myself in YEARS#my therapist today was like youre so eloquent today usually you lose ur train of thought every other sentence#and its true. but not today babeyyyy i am Present. my brains labyrinth halls have been sorted out and i can see everything.#anyways i have finished eating and can now go draw YAYYAYYYYYYY
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there are too many thoughts inside of me at all times.
#hello friends hope you all are doing well. my words have been abandoning me lately.#I talk a lot and feel like I say nothing. it is truly frustrating.#meanwhile I am doing a bible word study and realizing that all the things I have realized in the past might be valid#(namely the way that a lot of people in my church tradition try to reduce biblical concepts of 'peace' to a sort of inward emotional state#and that's not actually a great way to interpret the biblical concept of shalom. like at all. and massively cheats a lot of communities out#of the actual practical real-life extension of the kingdom and how it's supposed to function)#also I had a minor crisis a few days ago when I looked at a boy who I know only vaguely and thought 'oh. shoot. he's cute.'#I am not used to having these sorts of thoughts or at least not to acknowledging them to myself#not sure why I'm telling tumblr this but I have no one else to tell it to and I feel like I should get it out of my system lol :')#ok logging off again gotta eat some noodles and finish this assignment with is already late#I will see you guys at a later date#(probably not too much later tho bc it is spring break and I am unfortunately stuck at college and there are very few other people here :')#gurt says stuff
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