#I feel like I have to finish this for myself tho
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a sturdier toy
#a doodley#ok finished it up anyway#something abt how i didnt wanna continue it bc i drew myself so ugly but like thats how u know its depressingly accurate i guess#anyway recently been thinking about talon having those prey drive and intense “i wanna crawl inside your body''#feelings but nobody including him can tell if its in the Oh My God I Like You I Wanna Merge Souls way or if its in a more fucked up way#i think it could be both#tho i guess ''fucked up way'' also isnt fair bc he doesnt actually wanna kill anyone hence the ''i wish you could quickly heal injuries and#not die so i could do it over and over''#thing
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20|11|2024
I have notes to rewrite for three more chapters and then I will be done with the materials of this specific book. The initial goal was to be done with it before the end of the week and to move onto something else, but I have a bad feeling I'll need both tomorrow and Friday to finish that. On saturday I'll work all day so I am not even counting that. At least this morning I managed to surprise myself by finishing rewriting the 9th chapter which was quite long and intense, I also didn't struggle too bad with focusing, so I am overall happy with the way I worked this morning.
today's productivity:
read first thing in the morning (I am managing 10 pages of a fiction book everyday, and tho I'd like to have more time to read for fun I am happy I still get my daily morning reading done)
continued rereading and rewriting notes
duolingo
📖: The Adventures Of Amina Al Sirafi
#studyblr#studyinspo#uniblr#university#journal#studying#journaling#productivity#knife gang#mine#the---hermit
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i started another rook and i really didn't intend to make them so "i want that twink obliterated" but uh my hand slipped XD
this is björn ingellvar* (they/he, but sadly the game doesn't let you use mixed pronouns so i just use they/them in game) which just means bear and i realize they're not terribly bear like in appearance, but i think i'll rp it in personality more (ill be honest i liked the sound of it mostly and it had a meaning i can work with). Ingellvar was hard to pair with (i did consider making them a grey warden but i didn't vibe with thorne just yet and the mournwatch aspirational armor is kinda neat) Anyway they're a mourn watch warrior and so far a little more diplomatic/charismatic than my crow rogue rook. I had sort of thought to either romance bellara or emmerich this time round, but now i'm considering neve (trying to make myself make different choices! still an elf but eh). it's weird b/c when i started my other rook i didn't like any of the voices other than erika ishii's for them and this time i gravitated to one of the masc ones instead. so funny how characters shape themselves a bit, it's like oh this came together this way and now this voice is the one that is right. *various DA reddit threads suggested that nevarra is partially prussian inspired which does track with emmerich being an old german name. I spent several hours pouring through old german names which do also have a lot of cross pollination with various scandinavian names on several name etymology websites. Technically the german variant would be bjoern but whatever.
early thoughts on warrior: it feels a lot more underpowered than rogue from the outset. The weapon type swapping is a lot more awkward- rogue just uses r2 on controller to swap between knives and bow which feels really natural and fluid (and how a lot of other modern rpgs work, so you expect it). The war/mage use the d-pad to swap and it's just not as good of a feel (tho it is an interesting choice? the warrior swaps between sword & board and two handed, and mage swaps between staff and knife w/orb). i was def a bit like oh am i screwed, do i not get a ranged attack? but you sort of do (i think it would have been fine if war had arrows but i can see why they wanted to make it different) I like the idea of the captain america shield throw, but having to charge it up feels kind of bad (esp coming from the rogue where you just shoot your bow until you run out of arrows). Would have been better to have the shield throw just do something like that. (started towards the mourn watch tree and the shield throw is feeling better but wish it was better out of the gate you know?)
blocking is also a lot more important to the war kit and i'm bad at it (didn't really need to do it on rogue, just dodge quickly a lot) so we'll see if i can even stick to this. i don't want to block things except with my head, game. warrior also doesn't feel especially tanky per se, idk. doing this one on adventurer mode again but might turn it down (tbh rogue felt so op at the end there, i prob could have turned up the difficulty and been okay. maybe another future rogue rook if i'm ever feeling like a challenge ). i'm intrigued by the specializations (esp reaper i think) and i do think it'll get more fun as i unlock more skillz, but out of the gate a little clunky (i also started a mage rook and they also feel a bit weak compared to rogue. might like war more than mage for once??).
>>>> 2nd pt endgame knowledge spoilers behind cut!!! do not click if you haven't finished the game at least once! <<<<
playing this a second time and knowing everything you can actually spot the Varric CLUES early. There's a point where you're talking to solas in that first fade convo and he actually cuts himself off from saying that varric is dead, like you get the TINIEST hint of the "de" before solas elongates it into it a "is good at his own half truths".
also in conversations with harding her palpable sadness hits harder and her dialogue makes a lot more sense. When neve comes into the recovery room to talk to you the first time (i think it's whoever was injured?), she doesn't even look at varric and talks over him a teeny bit too. It's really subtle, they did a good job of laying clues you wouldn't catch unless you knew (at least for me, idk maybe yall were onto them sooner lol)
#dragon age#the veilguard#rook#warrior rook#mourn watch#veilguard spoilers#fen plays datv AGAIN#fen plays datv#veilguard#datv spoilers#spoilers#dragon age spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#q#second play through thoughts
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If someone told me last November that a year from then I’d be procrastinating doing anything BUT continuing my playthrough of the newly released dragon age game I’d call them crazy. I’m extremely tolerable to bullshit. The amount of objectively bad media I am able to enjoy is really high. I have been willing to forgive BioWare for a lot of bad game dev decisions. But not for the bad writing. So here we are.
I have not opened the game in a week now. Something broke in me when after 50 hours I finally reached act 2. So many people said it’s supposed to get better starting from that point. But I’m sorry, what exactly got better? Why is the story suddenly just ‘go do your companion quests!’? Where’s the freaking plot???
I can’t get rid of the feeling as if the game has been chopped into pieces at the last minute, rearranged by throwing out like 3/4 of the writing bits and then hastily sewn together.
#this is me venting about my feelings more so than about the game’s act 2 btw#idk maybe when I finally calm down and force myself to play through it#it will be better than what it seems now#have been following the plot by watching my friends play instead#I feel like I have to finish this for myself tho#to be able to objectively give my opinions about the game#but it’s so hard man#I never thought I’d be so demotivated about anything dragon age related#especially not about a whole new game in the universe#part of me feels stupid for being so dramatic and worked out about a video game#veilguard critical#dragon age critical#bioware critical
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something i promised on my kofi 6 months ago... 🫠
#sorry for people who has been asking for commission and finding me very unresponsive#literally i don't feel ready mentally ; i think the '6 months' is self-explanatory#frieren: beyond journey's end#fern#sousou no frieren#fanart#frieren at the funeral#actually it was 1.5 years ago; i was supposed to be drawing other character that time#but for 9 months i didn't manage to make myself sit down & finish it; so 6 months ago i re-asked if the person wanted other character#bcs i thought i need to re-start fresh & maybe the person's interest had changed#ko fi#when drawing for money sometimes u sit down & just stop 'working' entirely ; like ur will goes blue screen & refuse to do it#because it's / work / and u have to be more meticulous ; it gives u all the extra pressure#tho i like to have the money again.... but i'll start studying again soon; and i'll need to do my best on this one i think#drawing has always been a distraction on my study so maybe it is a good thing if my drawing drive dies down for a good while#tho not drawing at all also stress me out; finger crossed for good life balance#I CAN'T BELIEVE POPULAR TAG SHOWING THAT PEOPLE ALSO KNOW IT AS 'FRIEREN AT THE FUNERAL'. THAT SOUNDS WAY TOOOO DEPRESSINGGGG.....😭😭😭😭
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And goodness, you're bleeding, what a wonderful feeling You're down, and you're pleading, my head is just reeling
Goretober 2024, Day 2: Sharp Objects
#artings#goretober#goretober 2024#blood#knives#fnf#friday night funkin#pico newgrounds#nene newgrounds#pico fnf#nene fnf#art#digital art#artists on tumblr#artists of tumblr#sketch#digital sketch#notttt gonna use PS tags because this is very reliant on fnf lol#also not gonna mature filter this one because its like. canon-typical cartoony violence. this will probably be the only one tho njngJFKN#REALLY proud of this ill be so real. guys i know its just a sketch but dont let it flop 🙏🙏 /silly /nf#ill probably come back and finish this when i have more time i already had to stop myself from coloring this too#since i started pretty late and neeeeeddd to get more progress in on my comic b4 i have work this weekend#:EDIT: ALSO. this isnt ship art but feel free to tag as ship i do nottttt care. toxic yuri
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quick lil post about coming back to art full-time while also being a full time MSW student….it can be possible 0.0
anyway ty to everyone who has supported me over the years i wouldnt be able to go back to art without you all
#muertodraws#also becoming a lil more comfy calling myself autistic even tho every autistic person i have ever me is like yea ur us lol#back in therapy and i finished my first sem of grad school off strong#next sem will be crazy but o well#hoping to volunteer at a cat shelter next yr too#i need a cat in my life or else i will explode#i would get one now as an esa but i just dont have the money#so heres to hoping#anyway i know my asks are off and thats cuz i just needed to focus on school#maybe theyll come back on next year but for now if u need to reach me feel free to pm or email me#dm me on instagram too if u gotta reach me#trying to balance being on here and also wanting to be invisible and blend in with the masses and work my 9-5 and act like i dont have like#intimate knowledge about online discourse lmfao#anyway#see u all soon
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to the next stage of our adventure! digimon survive week 2024 day 7: post-game / future personal thoughts under the cut - less about the artwork and more about shuuji and lopmon themselves. a long rambling containing major spoilers and heavy topics. will cause whiplash. proceed with caution.
other than the fact this may be boring and long-winded, cw and tw: there will be mentions of self-harm and suicide. if these topics make you uncomfortable, please step back. if you're sure, then alright. i'm aware this is a weird place to ramble about shuuji and lopmon considering the notorious highlight of their story would match the themes of day 5 (villains) and day 6 (dark & loss) better. unfortunately (ironically?) i never planned to feature them for those days, so... pretty sure i'm not the only one feeling this, but when i discovered that a good part of the fandom seems to loathe shuuji with utmost passion, even after they claimed to have completed the game, i was confused. the way his death happened and (understanding) the cause made me uncomfortable for a while, but never drove me to the point of hate... once i recovered from the initial shock, what i felt towards him was more pity, then respect (on truthful route). i feel shuuji should have been one of the most appreciated characters in survive. yet it was the opposite that happened. (between you and me though, knowing there was this discourse with the fact digimon survive is a visual novel, i'm not that surprised it turned out this way...) from my point of view, lopmon evolving into wendimon then killing shuuji symbolizes suicide, the act of taking one's own life. it was the climax of shuuji's mental breakdown, leading him to basically self-destruct, causing damage to everyone around him and ultimately himself. lopmon evolved, just like he hoped. but failed to do it like other kemonogami partners (maintaining control of themselves and fending off enemies). the next and final outcome was death, through his own partner actually eating him alive too. it reminds me how when someone thought they have prepared well for something important yet it failed spectacularly, the devastation and frustration would eat them in the same way from inside. and they probably would for one second think, "i'm better off dead". the more i pondered about it, the more it hit home, so of course, the last thing i could do is hate him, when his struggles sound similar to my own - having to rely on consistent achievements to prove your value, to feel you are worth living and not a waste of resources. the part where shuuji went all abusive on lopmon felt like the equivalent of pushing yourself to the extreme to reach your goal, to the point of neglecting your own needs. it's like a student so absorbed in their study, sacrificing food and sleep, until their body eventually snaps and shuts down for good (...this in fact happened to one of the students at my previous workplace. she was in her last year of high school. life was just about to truly start for her when her classmate informed us of her sudden death). even in truthful route where shuuji and lopmon survive that point, things aren't immediately nice and easy for him. you can see that he still has self-doubts, and what i think is impostor's syndrome. he could be making a great contribution to the team and still put himself down for having done "nothing". i have found it interesting that artists and writers tend to be especially fond of shuuji. so perhaps it's not just the matter of one's upbringing - whether you were raised in a harsh, competitive environment and/or with family with (unreasonably) high standards so you can relate more easily to him - but also whether one can see just what every struggle shuuji and lopmon went through symbolizes shuuji's mental state. out of all survive characters, i think shuuji and lopmon pulled off this thing called "surviving" the hardest, no joke. which is why i almost always gravitate to drawing them happy because that's what they deserve :') after all this, what i also would like to say is, it's okay if a character makes you uncomfortable. it's okay if you hate a character. but never, ever bring down the character to people who like them or even consider them their favorite or comfort character. if you must, do it in your own space and only with like-minded people.
#digimon#digimon survive#shuuji kayama#lopmon#survive week#survive week 2024#obligatory shuuji-focused post where i make myself go a bit ✨ extra ✨#sorry for the long rambling tho i just thought i never had the chance to put this in words and this time i really want to do it#thanks for being patient with me :')#so i didnt manage to post for all days after all but i still have the ideas and sketches#if i ever finish them i will post and tag#if we have another survive week next year i hope i can actually prepare early so i could just schedule posts like a boss#then enjoy every submission without having to worry about finishing my next one#back to commissions starting tomorrow o7 updated my vgen listings recently so feel free to look around if you'd like#let's keep surviving y'alls#png
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Hatsune Miku doodle
#basically mt older brother had a laptop he wasn't using anymore and techinically gave it to my mom#but my mom gave it to me since she already has a laptop#anyways the colors are kinda eh but i didn't feel like painting or being colorful rn idk wanted a simple easy thing to get used to having#to use a wacom tablet again -___-#going to try and finish up my one commission left plus maybe draw those requests i got on kofi digitally hehe#tho drawing on this tablet is kinda the worst but i did draw on this for like years but....main did my surface pro spoil me -___-#keep trying to remind myself how one of my fave artists litcherally draws with a MOUSE PAD like i can. i can handle a screenless tablet#even tho i dont want to -______-#art#doodle#miku#hatsune miku#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#fanart#digital art#sketch#illustration#vocaloid miku#artwork#arin moss#arin moss art
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figured i'd do this again..bit early i guess..
#to cheer me up.. i feel bad atm.. these things don't even make me feel very good tho bc i'm such a narrative/sketch-based artist..#but Proper Beautiful Finished Pieces are what grab attention and look good at the end of the year all neatly lined up lol.....#so looking at a “yearly review” where i can only choose 'the best image of the month' (??) is like...What have i even been doing...#i did a month by month look back on twt for myself instead..but even that doesn't express the quantity of comic-based stuff..#that i do put a lot of time/heart into..but alas i feel bad bringing even them back..RTing/reblogging my own art simply feels bad lol..#AND WHY IS IT ALL B&W...trying to accept that i LIKE doing that and sketching and scribbling..not like i'm trying to like..Get Artist Job..#this year was so profoundly lonely at times bc i spent all my time drawing instead of socialising and trying to find friends....#please please please have achieved more of your dreams in the future so you can look back at 2023 and think..#It was good that happened so that it got me further to the future. Or whatever i guess.....................#regardless i did have a great amount of fun drawing and improving this year and dwelling deeply & heavily on witch hat atelier.#art-wise and emotionally....march july & september were the best months i think..AUGUST WAS SO WEIRD SUMMER IS SO EVIL ALWAYS.#thank you very much if you are reading this for enjoying & leaving nice tags & such like <3 i've realised how fulfilling that is to receive#really keeps me posting stuff here instead of keeping it all to myself in my head#i wish everyone in this world could have a safe and happy end of year. i wish living in this world were easier
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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sure my comms are closed for now but yknow what? some christmas hinadam just 4 you anyways anon (just in time for gundhams birthday too lmao hbd king 👑) so consider these a freebie 👌🏼
#all i read was christmas hinadam and i popped off LMAO the worms will never leave at this rate#hinadam#sdr2#gundham tanaka#hajime hinata#danganronpa#GUNDHAM TANAKA MY SCRUNKLY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :))) YAY!#ari art#ask draw#hhhngnghgh i didnt HAVE to draw the chibis yknow.... but i couldnt help myself tee hee!#tho i feel like you cant really see some of the smaller details/lines...sweats#also if you cant read the text then just open in new tab yadda yadda#ALRIGHT BUT FR i gotta stop making ask doodles for now i still gotta finish the six chars meme thing and also its almost christmas EEEEEEEK#gundhamronpa
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*crawls out of an open doorway covered in blood* I finished my Assignment
#god you have no idea how brutal the last 24 hours have been 💀💀#goddamn#I popped OFF tho I grinded so fucking hard to finish#I’m really proud of myself but I do wish it could have been done without staying up til like 6am#but guess what now I’m cozy in bed and I get to go to SLEEEP I don’t think I’ll even stay up last 8:30 tbh#I’m that exhausted#and just so fucking happy to be in bed without guilt or stress and not doing homework all night#aaahhhhhh it feels so good
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physically restraining myself from redrawing a bg n making it unnecessarily complicated n detailed
#I AM NOT DRAWING A BUNCH OF DETAILED BUILDINGS FOR A SMALL BG PIC IM NOT IM NOT#one of my nr 1 rules making the ask blog was that i was gonna half ass shit more#so that id actually get shit done#i can either go complicated or detailed#if i do both ill never finish anything u_u#i should actually be going 2 bed tbh............#But! im at least working on shit for the blog again which feels great!#still have some other projects i gotta finish also.... But i have abit more wiggle room 2 also do my own shit inbtween#for now..........#until deadlines catch up with me again B)#tho hopeully i can plan out my time better n not spend like 2 or 3 months filled with anxiety B)#rambles#also semi related i am also restraining myself from making an aradia ask blog................. u dont know how tempted i am#but i also know i dont have the time for it.................................................................#but.................................................................................#i wanna
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fuckfuck fuck i need to make more physical crafts i need to create tangible things that i can hold with my two hands and put it somewhere i can See It and think Wow. I Made That.
#finished my little rudimentary earring holder & one of two arm warmers#MORE!!!! MORE!!!!!! I NEED MORE#maybe... maybe ill go get myself a new little plant and a pot to decorate. a little guy for my windowsill#ohhh i could uh! i could make like a little scrapbook thing and put in there all of my favorite things that ive drawn....#a little egotistical Perhaps but!! on days where i feel like shit and like my art sucks i could flip through that!#and say 'huh. not too bad actually'#plus it just sounds like a fun craft. i could get stickers and stuff. washi tape. glue flat objects on. add teeny doodles#i just. i need to create more i think thats whats wrong with me lately#i feel such Peace and Joy when i make physical things#i wonder if id like book binding...#no no thats for future me who has a job and an Income to get interested in#that would be fun tho! ive always wanted to try it.#and if i do i'd Really want to do that thing where people take a fanfic and make it into a physical book#that would be so fun...#i could have my favorites on a shelf! with permission of course!#absolutely unprompted#yk when i start to feel that Despair i really just gotta think about what physical things i could create#what art things i still have to discover and attempt and enjoy#today has sucked But! i will take the car tomorrow and by fuck i will do Something#a new plant friend. yeah. i need something alive in my room#and this weekend ill go to michaels and get myself washi tape so that i can secure my posters to the walls#bc my poster tack Is Not Working!#i wonder if our printer can work on cardstock... i wonder if its been Set Up yet i havent seen her#maybe ill make some more tiny vases today. i have clay still...#OH OH i could make small amigurumi keychain things...#*spoken with clenched fists and gritted teeth* there is still so much to discover and delight in in this life#the walls in this house are bare and cold but if my stepdad allows I Can Spruce It The Fuck Up#ohhhhh crochet tapestries... i could probably do that too...#i cant wait to pick up crafts get bored two days later and drop em and i say that sincerely!
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no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo
#snap chats#is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds#ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much#i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day#not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀#excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT#this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE#got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up#AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu#and then immediately made up for it a minute later#sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up#i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided#thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ...#him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet#im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo#im gonna be sick i love him so much#if i redraw this later shut up. i love him...#this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt#its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do ....#and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!
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