#I feel like I have to finish this for myself tho

[pavedinashes-if]

Important Update

I hate being the bearer of bad news but sometimes it is unavoidable. And I am sincerely sorry, from the bottom of my heart. Maybe some can guess in which direction this goes. Maybe some of you had a feeling about this, when the demo didn't get released like I promised to you. When the last of March went by without any note, any remark, any kind of announcement from me. I worked so hard on this update, had ideas, notes and drafts before the first publication of the prologue even. And apart from some private issues and unfortunate delays, I worked as much on the story as I could. Even if this meant doing it on paper only, because I had absolutely no access to my computer and the game files. This being said—I worked for half a year on finishing up Ch.1 and polishing the prologue, blood, sweat and tears all merged into this story so close to my heart. I remember how I couldn't push away that stupid grin, that lump in my throat and that nasty ugly sob in some moments of writing. Guess that's what you get for writing something that really matters to you, a story and work that you hoped would have a big influence on your life and future. The problem with such emotionally heavy works is tho, that there's pressure and expectations and frustration linked to it as well. When you decide to delete whole scenes, decide it is not enough, the characters are not enough, the mc is not enough, the whole fuckin expectation from those who grew close to you and your story. This is a blessing and a curse at the same time. And so, this post, it's meant to be an apology. An apology for letting you down, for not giving you what you hoped for, for the smiles, and tears you got promised. Unfortunately, and I am truly sorry, I will not be able to provide you with any of this, any hope, any word, any dream—however ridiculous this might sound, but that's just how I feel. I lost the files. Not in an exciting or clean way. A stupid fucking absolutely devastating way. And all the work from half a year and beyond is gone. All the notes, all the red threads, all the character profiles, everything I worked on. Every. Fucking. Thing. I don't know how to feel about this to be honest. I was angry at myself for storing the stupid backup in a naive place that was part of this corruption and loss as much as the original files. I was heartbroken and sad at all the tiny moments of which I am not sure I would ever be able to recreate them. Right now, all I feel is empty and exhausted. I don't want to abandon this work. I really don't. But... I need a break. After everything that happened, after the marathon of work with sleepless nights that I poured into this. I need space. And I need distance. I can't tell for how long. Honestly, I don't know if I will return to the same headspace and motivation to pick this up again any time soon or for good at all. I cannot make any promises anymore. And I am sorry. I really hope you understand or that maybe with time you will understand. It was a journey I wouldn't give away for anything in the world. But right now, I stepped off the train. I am sorry. Sai

[hero-of-the-wolf]

Thanks for the tag!! :D

1. How many works on AO3?

17! I have at least three times as many in my WIPs folder tho skshskbsms

2. Total AO3 word count?

53,113

3. Top 5 fics by kudos:

A Bad Feeling Wherein Wild and Wolfie have lifesaving cuddles haha

A Heavy Burden Twilight takes a hit for Time :)

The Longest Battle Though saving one person leads to someone else dying, Time is determined to save everyone no matter how many loops it takes (co-written with Jes :3)

An Omen of Things to Come Hyrule’s dark world form is an opossum, shenanigans ensure (and whump bc I cannot help myself)

The Stars That Shine in the Dark My first attempt at Whumptober!

4. What fandoms do you write for?

I’ve written for a great many fandoms over the years but LU/LoZ is the only one I’ve actually published fics for

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! It’s unreasonably hard to put into words how much every comment I receive means to me, but I try my best :)

6. Fic with the angstiest ending:

Probably one of the ones I killed Time in skshsknss but I think this one in particular might be the saddest? (that I've posted anyways)

7. Fic with the happiest ending:

Definitely No Longer Alone, my only fluff fic LOL

8. Do you get hate?

Not from this fandom and I’m very glad for that :)

9. Do you write smut?

No :P

10. Do you write crossovers?

I don’t think I have 🤔 but I’m not against it if I ever think of a good idea

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of 🫢 I’ve had character designs stolen before tho :’

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, nobody's asked. But I’m very willing to share my work in multiple languages :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes!! My very first full length fic was co-written with Jes and it was soooo much fun to work on >:3

14. All-time favorite ship?

Malink :) smth about them makes me just a lil bit insane

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have one that's basically "Fic Writing is Free Therapy" (also co-written with Jes) where I project all of my feelings of grief and mourning over the last couple of months and it is. So Sad. and very cathartic but it's been awhile and idk if it's getting finished at this point skshksbsms

16. Writing strengths?

I feel like I’m really good at coming up with ideas!

17. Writing weaknesses?

Pacing…......... I have a tendency to squish everything together and I have to really work hard to fully describe places and feelings and otherwise add meat to the basic structure I’ve come up with TT

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

I get really excited whenever I see Spanish written down I’m ngl skshsksbns

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh man… I remember writing some really cringey self insert stuff (/lh) for Michael Vey and Percy Jackson, so maybe that?

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Man… I’m really proud of my Opossum Hyrule series. It’s my first multi-chapter series that I’ve actually managed to finish and words cannot describe how much it means to me that other people really like it too :3 <3

no pressure tags to @crazylittlejester @readingismyhobby24 @emig22 @gryphonlover @stqrmyskies @sprite-and-the-bunnydragons @silvrash-797 and @adrift-in-thyme !!

I have been tagged by @batrogers!!

1. How many works on AO3? 241

2. Total AO3 word count? 1.25mil. Almost to my 3rd AO3 anniversary :D (that's around 1,170 words every day for three years, not counting nonpublished words! Proud of that rate, even if it's slowing.)

3. Top 5 fics by kudos:

Status? about Four. I think this one hits the sweet spot for a lot of people: not too long, a bit angsty, but sweet.

so i admit that the mud didn't do much for me, about Hyrule. Actually the first fic I ever posted on this account, it's silly and I'm surprised to see it so high

incandescently happy, a post-LU happy ending. Posted little chapters every day for like a month which kept it in people's feeds so I think that's why it's so high

what is a stump supposed to do, a random Hyrule & Four one, honestly baffled why it's up here

Rise and Shine and Fall, my successful (by that I mean actually wrote and posted every day on schedule) Whumptober 2022 extravaganza compilation. I posted it all in one work, so it's higher than most other whump fics of mine, but there's a lot in it!

4. What fandoms do you write for? Zelda. In the past I wrote a tiny bit of Danny Phantom and a fair amount of FE3H!

5. Do you respond to comments? Always!! I admit to being SO VERY BEHIND right now, a couple months' worth. I'm trying to keep up on new ones, but I've had some beautiful wonderful readers going through my catalog and I can't always keep up!! XD

6. Fic with the angstiest ending: I don't write a lot of negative endings, so I think this badge goes to Counterbalance, my LU Darks AU. I'm actually fully in love with this fic, it's probably the best mix of silly and angsty I've ever written. It's full of what are essentially OCs but they're all my babies and I love them.

7. Fic with the happiest ending: incandescently happy, post-LU. The whole fic is essentially a fix-it ending, though LU doesn't have an ending yet. XD

8. Do you get hate? A couple silly comments trying to tell me I'm doing things wrong, but not really no! Oh, also can't forget the ask I got that was "Remember that Jesus is your first reader." I think that was meant to be passive aggressive but there's a chance it was meant like, genuinely? Not sure.

9. Do you write smut? Nah. And I don't plan to. Not my thing! Closest I get are vampire bites XD

10. Do you write crossovers? I swear I've done more but the only ones on my AO3 are a Vidow fic done in an original world (Nothing New Under the Sun (crystals, dumplings, jewelry)), and Blood-Sucker's Guide to High School, a Vidow retelling of a very fun vampire novel.

11. Ever had a fic stolen? Nope, but I did have one of my Vidow fake fic book covers stolen for someone's fake fiverr listing. Got it taken down with a DMCA but I was like, why

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not to my knowledge.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic? Oh plenty. @enrolio and I spent most of 2020-21 lockdowns and beyond cowriting, mostly original stories (1.7mil) but a lot of fic, too (nothing published, but almost 400k worth.) We're currently in the process of working on a big epic original fantasy series, though that's a long-term project. @batrogers and I have done a few alt-POV-type projects too, which have been super duper fun!! Hope to do more.

In that vein too, I feel like the Bad End Links kind of qualify here—so much of the characters and their stories were brainstormed collaboratively and so many friends have contributed details and fics and art, it feels like a fun group project! I've really enjoyed working on it. :D (the encouragement and hype for it also helps a lot!! I'm really hoping to finish this big project out!)

14. All-time favorite ship? Ahhhh a harder question than you'd think, tbh, even if you're limiting it to fic. I've written the most for Vidow, and they're definitely up there (same with Fourdow though I've done less with them.) I do have to admit that Linhardt/Byleth might take the cake, though. They were the first ship I was ever actually obsessed with, and the first romantic pairing I wrote in fic.

I just really adore Linny in general, and I love how the pairing continues and closes off some of the themes in the Crimson Flower route of FE3H. That's the only route where Byleth doesn't become archbishop-slash-dictator, and I think choosing to live life in a small cottage, not particularly contributing too much to the government, builds nicely upon the themes of becoming human and choosing your own destiny, themes that are really missing from the other routes.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will? My old AO3 account (a couple FE3H fics and not much else) has a series where I wrote the beginning of a fic and then had several different endings planned, each a different ship with Linhardt, but I only ever wrote one. I'd love to read the rest but I have too many other fics calling my name!

16. Writing strengths? Um... Volume and speed? Also AUs. I think I can call myself good at fitting characters into new settings. Also fight scenes are fun and I think I do them well.

17. Writing weaknesses? I feel somewhat weak in the plotting and style realms.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue? You can't count on a reader to know not-tagged languages, so that has to be accounted for in the text.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Danny Phantom, in high school or maybe just after. That's late for a lot of fic writers but... there are reasons for that, and a different discussion!!

20. Favorite fic you've ever written? This is an extremely rude question, because I love so many for different reasons. I write things I want to read!! Counterbalance (for the tone) and Blood-Sucker's Guide (for the finished novel plot) are up there but I linked them above, so I'll take the chance to call out a different few—Marvelous Misadventures is way up there, a Wind-focused modern with magic AU. I promise I'm still working on that last chapter (and the epilogue), I just gotta throw everything else aside one month and buckle down. Maybe June, I don't have any fic events planned and 06/23 was the last update. I think some earlier chapters need a refresh as well, once I have the ending written.

I'll also toss White Walls (medwhump, "non consensual body modification: the fic") into this category for how long it is and how proud I am to have finished even a collection this long, and a long walk, a Linked Nexus fic where I did so much math and had so much fun with it. :D

Tagging: @silvrash-797 @toyouhellohowareyou @nopenototdaysatan @skyward-floored :)

[yali-the-sloth]

If someone told me last November that a year from then I’d be procrastinating doing anything BUT continuing my playthrough of the newly released dragon age game I’d call them crazy. I’m extremely tolerable to bullshit. The amount of objectively bad media I am able to enjoy is really high. I have been willing to forgive BioWare for a lot of bad game dev decisions. But not for the bad writing. So here we are.

I have not opened the game in a week now. Something broke in me when after 50 hours I finally reached act 2. So many people said it’s supposed to get better starting from that point. But I’m sorry, what exactly got better? Why is the story suddenly just ‘go do your companion quests!’? Where’s the freaking plot???

I can’t get rid of the feeling as if the game has been chopped into pieces at the last minute, rearranged by throwing out like 3/4 of the writing bits and then hastily sewn together.

[hinamie]

don't feel too well//you're always on my mind

[oneroomjestershow]

when

[ryllen]

something i promised on my kofi 6 months ago... 🫠

[skunkes]

a sturdier toy

[xxplastic-cubexx]

i had this old man teacher in middle school who basically was Charles Xavier. i mean, he looked the part, he sounded the part, he acted the part- really the only difference was the lack of telepathy and he could walk. and the name i guess.

well i ran into him the other day and his recently wedded husband. they met when he was in the military forever ago and reconvened and inevitably tied the knot.

his husband’s name?

Erik.

i am being dead serious. a part of me evaporated.

What in the reddit story…….. youre yanking my chain SURELY…. But if youre not has his husband ever expressed revolutionary ideation or—

[j-esbian]

maybe the real voltron was the friends we made along the way

[mueritos]

quick lil post about coming back to art full-time while also being a full time MSW student….it can be possible 0.0

anyway ty to everyone who has supported me over the years i wouldnt be able to go back to art without you all

[azaracyy]

to the next stage of our adventure! digimon survive week 2024 day 7: post-game / future personal thoughts under the cut - less about the artwork and more about shuuji and lopmon themselves. a long rambling containing major spoilers and heavy topics. will cause whiplash. proceed with caution.

other than the fact this may be boring and long-winded, cw and tw: there will be mentions of self-harm and suicide. if these topics make you uncomfortable, please step back. if you're sure, then alright. i'm aware this is a weird place to ramble about shuuji and lopmon considering the notorious highlight of their story would match the themes of day 5 (villains) and day 6 (dark & loss) better. unfortunately (ironically?) i never planned to feature them for those days, so... pretty sure i'm not the only one feeling this, but when i discovered that a good part of the fandom seems to loathe shuuji with utmost passion, even after they claimed to have completed the game, i was confused. the way his death happened and (understanding) the cause made me uncomfortable for a while, but never drove me to the point of hate... once i recovered from the initial shock, what i felt towards him was more pity, then respect (on truthful route). i feel shuuji should have been one of the most appreciated characters in survive. yet it was the opposite that happened. (between you and me though, knowing there was this discourse with the fact digimon survive is a visual novel, i'm not that surprised it turned out this way...) from my point of view, lopmon evolving into wendimon then killing shuuji symbolizes suicide, the act of taking one's own life. it was the climax of shuuji's mental breakdown, leading him to basically self-destruct, causing damage to everyone around him and ultimately himself. lopmon evolved, just like he hoped. but failed to do it like other kemonogami partners (maintaining control of themselves and fending off enemies). the next and final outcome was death, through his own partner actually eating him alive too. it reminds me how when someone thought they have prepared well for something important yet it failed spectacularly, the devastation and frustration would eat them in the same way from inside. and they probably would for one second think, "i'm better off dead". the more i pondered about it, the more it hit home, so of course, the last thing i could do is hate him, when his struggles sound similar to my own - having to rely on consistent achievements to prove your value, to feel you are worth living and not a waste of resources. the part where shuuji went all abusive on lopmon felt like the equivalent of pushing yourself to the extreme to reach your goal, to the point of neglecting your own needs. it's like a student so absorbed in their study, sacrificing food and sleep, until their body eventually snaps and shuts down for good (...this in fact happened to one of the students at my previous workplace. she was in her last year of high school. life was just about to truly start for her when her classmate informed us of her sudden death). even in truthful route where shuuji and lopmon survive that point, things aren't immediately nice and easy for him. you can see that he still has self-doubts, and what i think is impostor's syndrome. he could be making a great contribution to the team and still put himself down for having done "nothing". i have found it interesting that artists and writers tend to be especially fond of shuuji. so perhaps it's not just the matter of one's upbringing - whether you were raised in a harsh, competitive environment and/or with family with (unreasonably) high standards so you can relate more easily to him - but also whether one can see just what every struggle shuuji and lopmon went through symbolizes shuuji's mental state. out of all survive characters, i think shuuji and lopmon pulled off this thing called "surviving" the hardest, no joke. which is why i almost always gravitate to drawing them happy because that's what they deserve :') after all this, what i also would like to say is, it's okay if a character makes you uncomfortable. it's okay if you hate a character. but never, ever bring down the character to people who like them or even consider them their favorite or comfort character. if you must, do it in your own space and only with like-minded people.

[desperatecheesecubes]

I love Christopher

[todayisafridaynight]

no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo

[doodlingwren]

Throwback to this one frame from an animatic I was making but never finished on time to be posted on Valentine’s Day lol

[arinmoss]

Hatsune Miku doodle

[bonetrousledbones]

ok so. i was cleaning out my pictures folder today. and i happened to come across a sketch from 2021 that may or may not be related to the same concept as this. but like a. darker, edgier version. if you catch my drift.

but the thing is i do NOT see myself finishing it, seeing as it's already been nearly 4 years since i sketched it out and i'm still fighting the burnout demons from hell and all that. but it IS very silly to me and frankly very good timing for me to have found this sketch right now

so basically what i'm wondering is would any of y'all be interested in like a dtiys / open collab type of thing with underfell papyrus as shadow the hedgehog

here's a hint of the sketch if it helps

i've admittedly already tweaked it a good bit & i'd probably clean it up a lil more just for clarity if i actually go through with this but for now i just wanna see if i can rope anyone else into being insane with me. its actually pretty fun messing with the design & proportions to try and fit the silhouette of a very cartoonish hedgehog and i'd love to see other ppl's takes on it