#I feel in my heart
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ITS REAL
#I thought this would just be another one of my delusional ships#but beyond just subtext#this is *mwah*#gonna be some angst over it I'm sure#but in the end#I feel in my heart#the girlies will get together#jellyfish can't swim in the night#spoilers#Yoru no Kurage wa Oyogenai#yuri#lesbian#does this ship have a name?
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My Mane 6 Redesigns all together! I was going to post them separately but ended up finishing them all before I got around to it lol
#mlp#my little pony friendship is magic#my little pony#mlp fim#mlp redesign#earth pony twilight truthers where are you#bat pony fluttershy truthers where are you#dark color palette rarity truthers where are you#ALL OF YOU RISE WITH ME#im ESPECIALLY an earth pony twilight truther ever since I saw the old G5 concepts#I love the idea that Twilight's bonds with others are her true magic rather than beams or spells and I feel earth pony twi fits that well#since “the five elements brought together creates the sixth element magic“ aka friendship since FIM she embodies ”magic“ in a#more metaphorical sense#the star in her eyes is also a reference to the first ep when twilight says “the spark” ignited inside of her heart#plus the earth pony to alicorn pipeline is so cool and i like the idea of an earth pony being the bearer of the element of magic as a#fun contrast/its unexpected
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I was meeting a client at a famous museum’s lounge for lunch (fancy, I know) and had an hour to kill afterwards so I joined the first random docent tour I could find. The woman who took us around was a great-grandmother from the Bronx “back when that was nothing to brag about” and she was doing a talk on alternative mediums within art.
What I thought that meant: telling us about unique sculpture materials and paint mixtures.
What that actually meant: an 84yo woman gingerly holding a beautifully beaded and embroidered dress (apparently from Ukraine and at least 200 years old) and, with tears in her eyes, showing how each individual thread was spun by hand and weaved into place on a cottage floor loom, with bright blue silk embroidery thread and hand-blown beads intricately piercing the work of other labor for days upon days, as the labor of a dozen talented people came together to make something so beautiful for a village girl’s wedding day.
What it also meant: in 1948, a young girl lived in a cramped tenement-like third floor apartment in Manhattan, with a father who had just joined them after not having been allowed to escape through Poland with his pregnant wife nine years earlier. She sits in her father’s lap and watches with wide, quiet eyes as her mother’s deft hands fly across fabric with bright blue silk thread (echoing hands from over a century years earlier). Thread that her mother had salvaged from white embroidery scraps at the tailor’s shop where she worked and spent the last few days carefully dying in the kitchen sink and drying on the roof.
The dress is in the traditional Hungarian fashion and is folded across her mother’s lap: her mother doesn’t had a pattern, but she doesn’t need one to make her daughter’s dress for the fifth grade dance. The dress would end up differing significantly from the pure white, petticoated first communion dresses worn by her daughter’s majority-Catholic classmates, but the young girl would love it all the more for its uniqueness and bright blue thread.
And now, that same young girl (and maybe also the villager from 19th century Ukraine) stands in front of us, trying not to clutch the old fabric too hard as her voice shakes with the emotion of all the love and humanity that is poured into the labor of art. The village girl and the girl in the Bronx were very different people: different centuries, different religions, different ages, and different continents. But the love in the stitches and beads on their dresses was the same. And she tells us that when we look at the labor of art, we don’t just see the work to create that piece - we see the labor of our own creations and the creations of others for us, and the value in something so seemingly frivolous.
But, maybe more importantly, she says that we only admire this piece in a museum because it happened to survive the love of the wearer and those who owned it afterwards, but there have been quite literally billions of small, quiet works of art in billions of small, quiet homes all over the world, for millennia. That your grandmother’s quilt is used as a picnic blanket just as Van Gogh’s works hung in his poor friends’ hallways. That your father’s hand-painted model plane sets are displayed in your parents’ livingroom as Grecian vases are displayed in museums. That your older sister’s engineering drawings in a steady, fine-lined hand are akin to Da Vinci’s scribbles of flying machines.
I don’t think there’s any dramatic conclusions to be drawn from these thoughts - they’ve been echoed by thousands of other people across the centuries. However, if you ever feel bad for spending all of your time sewing, knitting, drawing, building lego sets, or whatever else - especially if you feel like you have to somehow monetize or show off your work online to justify your labor - please know that there’s an 84yo museum docent in the Bronx who would cry simply at the thought of you spending so much effort to quietly create something that’s beautiful to you.
#shut up e#long post#Saturday thoughts#this has been in my drafts for a week haha#also this is the heart of why AI art feels so wrong#forget the discussion of copyright and theft etc - even if models were only trained on public domain they would still feel very wrong#because they’re not art. art is the labor of creation#even commercial art and art commissioned by the popes and kings of history: there is humanity in the labor of it#unrelated: I did not know living in the Bronx was now something to brag about. How the fuck do y’all New Yorkers afford this city???
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Please, for the love of god, please don’t be this person. No matter how long it’s been since an update, no matter how many unfinished stories are sitting on their account, no matter what - do not be this person.
Not only is it insanely rude, but you also do more damage than you think be being such a self-entitled ass about something someone created for free and for fun. “This author” can see what you say.
RIP decency indeed.
#Archive of our Own#Ao3#Ao3 Comments#Writing#Fanfiction#Fanfic Writing#I wrote over 100k on that fic before burnout took hold#I poured my heart into what I did manage to finish#adhd’s a bitch that doesn’t always let me write what I want to write but I got that far#don’t make me feel ashamed because you didn’t get to see the ending
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how i feel about all the changes in s3
#listen i understand complaints and feeling disappointed but y’all gotta remember there’s always the og campaign#there were questionable choices definetly but being negative about it on the internet just does disservice to all the good stuff#it ain’t perfect i miss the group kill but i’m honestly blaming steaming’s whole ‘every season must be the same length’ model#like this season really could’ve used an extra 3 episodes but alas! they made it as solid as possible for tv in that time!#tlovm#critical role#the legend of vox machina#tlovm season 3#also kiki resurrecting percy near and dear to my heart but also the vax percy bond and getting to see more of percy’s torment mmmm#also the cr cast are clearly having fun with it so its not like some foreign entity is committing sacrilege when they change stuff!
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not to be fucking insane but im letting myself tear up over this. We are so back
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See You! Spring 2024. A new short comic. : ) Debuted at TCAF 2024. [edit: i've now added a PDF of this comic in my store! : ) ]
#short comic#short comics#comics#independent comics#comic#for my friends#i love to hang out and i love the heart-full-feeling afterwards
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his ex gf who was 18-19 when they dated is going to get so much flack for this and she’s going to get the courtney love treatment where people make this out to be Her Fault except even worse bc she was actually a victim of stalking from him and he died by either suicide or an accident resulting from intoxication right after she took legal action against him. horrible horrible horrible
#i don’t feel bad for liam at all but i hope maya henry is ok :( my heart breaks for her#i hope she has a good support system around her#also i forgot to mention this in the post but she came forward about liam forcing her to get an abortion she didn’t want#he was genuinely just a piece of shit
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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.
but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)
mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…
the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.
every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.
first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic
which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.
which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.
the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.
walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?
well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.
you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?
it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.
when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.
and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.
kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.
yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.
#dungeon meshi spoilers#mithrun#dungeon meshi#this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme#half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is#someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality#his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though#he says he tried to see the worst in them.#hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on#wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore.#but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once#snakes#long post#severe problems#meshy
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psychic kiddies having lunch!
#love all 3 of these shows with all my heart i had to do it#feel like mash deserves to be here too but alas im not bothered enough to add a whole 4th full character lmao#mob psycho 100#spy x family#saiki k#the disastrous life of saiki k#mp100#shigeo kageyama#anya forger#mp100 mob#spy x family anya
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An interesting demonstration of how the human brain works.
But also something of a lesson regarding perception, and the unreliability of subjective perspective versus objective reality.
You can be extremely certain about how you perceive the world, your "lived experience," that which you "feel it in my heart." But that doesn't mean it's actually true. And it doesn't mean we have to endorse it, or ignore or outright deny objective reality.
That's a "you" thing, not a "we" thing.
#Adelbert Ames#Ames Window#perception#perspective#objective reality#lived experience#i feel it in my heart#subjective experience#The Curiosity Show#science#optical illusion#religion is a mental illness
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I love you all, but you have the wrong parallel. We love Rhaenyra asking Alicent to fly across the narrow sea and eat only cake, but it's Rhaenyra and this Alicent that mirror each other. It's the smiles, and that halting breath.
#the cake one is more closely tied with running away and all#but this is the first time Rhaenyra offers Alicent her heart#the thing she loves the most. where she feels most free#and its the first time Alicent has to say no#and now the roles are reversed and it's tragically beautiful#house of the dragon#rhaenyra targaryen#hotd#alicent hightower#rhaenicent#hotd spoilers#house of the dragon spoilers#these are very much NOT my gifs so if someone knows the people who made them so i can credit them Id appreciate it!
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Phone call
#something cute and simple so i can feel better about my art#hunter x hunter#hxh#killua zoldyck#killua#gon freecss#hxh gon#art#i did not look up a refrwnce for the phones i just followed my heart#accuracy not guaranteed 🥰
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Some 22 and 09 angst doodles
#mw3 spoilers#ghostsoap#soapghost#call of duty#modern warfare III#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#i tried to draw fluff but it didn't help me#so i've decided to just put all my feelings into these doodles#it was easier with 09 knowing they were both dead#but 22 were my safe space kinda like their second chance#and to see what the fuck happened in the campaign breaks my heart#because i know they did that just because it was rushed and it had no ending#such a disrespect to the cast and the fans
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Ok I lied I have art that was too fun not to share
Listen- I need combative “I hate you bro but I would also die for you” platonic cumplane
I need Shang Quinghua calling Shen Quingqui a hussy and a harlot
I need Shen Quingqui to respond with a full bodied cathartic “bitch” I need them to be venting out frustrations every 2 seconds and ruthlessly gossiping the next. I need them to immediately turn on anyone that talks shit on the other.
Pls for my health.
#svsss#cumplane#but platonic#I feel like it gets touchy when romantic but you do you#shang qinghua#I am a viscious apologist he can’t do anything wrong in my eyes#he needs to let out his anger#in a healthy way#by healthy that is giving enrichment to local mean girl Shen Quingqui#shen quingqiu#needs to be the full on internet troll he was before he died#it is cathartic bc they have to put on masks 24/7 around everyone else#in reality they are extremely close and deeply care for one another#Shen Quingqui in my heart has cursed out Shang Qinghua and told him to his face he was a talented writer and that is what pissed him off#he has made SQH cry with his cursing complaints (positive)#SQH does help him avoid wife plots#pls#for my health#my art bleh
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Love and Deepspace + Texting BF "I want a baby" meme
#love and deepspace#love and deepspace xavier#love and deepspace zayne#love and deepspace rafayel#love and deepspace sylus#x ; edits#lnds edits#I HAD TO#also idc if sylus really does feel this way or not#in my head and heart he does#and i will ignore canon if i have to
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