#I even went for the regular tapered look for once I never do that lol

[cy-cyborg]

Tips for Writing and Drawing Amputees: Bandaged Stumps

When writing and drawing amputee characters, unless your character only just lost their limb, they don't need to wear a bandage over their stumps.

to be clear, eda's depiction in the show was fine, since she'd only just lost her arm and went (presumably) without any medical attention, but because the show didn't have much time to show her afterwards, I've noticed a tendency of the fandom to draw her wearing the bandage permanently, so that's why I'm picking on her for my example lol.

It's a bit of a trope at this point, and I think it comes from one of a few different places:

Amputees do wear bandages on their stumps, but usually only for the first 6-12 weeks post-amputation, sometimes longer if the amputation was a result of a burn. It's possible people saw this though and assumed it was permanent.

Most amputees wear a sock made of either cotton or silicone under their prosthetics to provide them with some extra padding. These socks, called liners, often stick out from the top of the prosthetic socket and could possibly be mistaken for a bandage from a distance.

Some amputees will wear compression garments for a few months to a few years after their amputations which could also be mistaken for a bandage from a distance. These garments are designed to stop swelling and reduce phantom pain, but they aren't bandages.

Stumps get cold easier because their circulation typically isn't as good as the rest of the body, so some amputees will wear socks over them even if they aren't wearing a prosthetic to keep warm, which again could be mistaken for a bandage from a distance.

This one is funny, but in my experience unfortunately, it's the most common: people think the end of an amputee's stump is just a perpetual open wound that never heals. Meaning to avoid "gore" it needs to be covered. I've met fully grown adults who believed this until I showed up to work/uni without my prosthetics or socks on.

People are uncomfortable with seeing an uncovered stump and so put bandages over it to avoid confronting their biases.

Some combination of these points.

But yeah, unless your amputee has only just lost their limb in the last few weeks, they don't need a bandage.

The ironic thing too, is that for most amputees, bandaging a stump is nearly impossible. I've been in and out of hospital since I was 1 year old and only ever met 3 nurses and no doctors/surgeons who could successfully bandage my stump in a way that the bandage would even stay on. This is because stumps are usually tapered in shape (meaning they are wider at the top, closer to the body, and thinner at the bottom), so gravity will pull the bandage off 9 times out of 10.

On a final note: it's ok to show your amputee's stump, it's not gore, there's no blood, it just looks like a regular limb that just stops early. In fact, if you are writing/creating anything for kids or that is likely to be seen by kids, I encourage you to show your amputee's stumps at least once. I used to work on a disability awareness program for kids, and I lost count of the amount of times kids were terrified of me, because they all expected my leg to be bloody and gory. For a lot of kids, I was their first real-life exposure to an amputee, meaning they'd never even heard of people like me, or they had seen an amputee on TV, but because the show went out of its way to avoid showing the person's stump, they assumed it must have been because there was "something scary at the end" that they weren't supposed to see (kids are surprisingly perceptive, they will pick up on stuff like that without you realising). And scared kids aren't good at articulating why they're scared, and would often say really mean or hurtful things to me. I knew not to take it personally and learned how to handle those situations, but not everyone is used to dealing with kids. For a new amputee (or anyone who's less confident in their disability), the kinds of things those kids would say could be absolutely confidence destroying. I never blame the kids, it's not their fault, but the whole situation could have been avoided if they had seen people like us before they had the chance to hear the wrong info. Good representation like this can be the difference between a kid crying, making throw-up sounds and calling an amputee "disgusting monsters" (all things I've had kids do/say) and them just being like "oh ok, cool."

[sysig]

*VUX popping up out of nowhere noises*

[floppy999]

My reading list (bkdk fanfics)

Here it is!  

All these fics were updated or finished on december. (Not particular order)

Swap it out ( Not Rated )

''Good morning, Deku.'' Katsuki said happily with a sweet smile.''Fuck off, Kacchan.'' Izuku responded in a bored tone, not even looking at the blond when he sat down in the seat in front of him.The whole class held their breath.''Holy shit.'' Koji finally said. In which Kaminari has an idea, Todoroki likes to spend his father's money and Izuku and Katsuki are up for the challenge. 

Off Limits (Explicit)

When his second rut hit, Katsuki was tempted to start reconsidering Izuku being off limits. It wouldn’t be too weird, right? It’s not like they were hanging out together on their off days. While screaming into a pillow in a fit of frustration instead of rubbing himself raw, it seemed like a great idea.Once his rut started tapering off, he threw away the idea again. -Then the third rut hit, and Katsuki was officially over this bullshit. 

Cross Off (Explicit)

“But are you two really friends?”

That sharp sting hit Izuku in the gut again, but as he opened his mouth to respond, Todoroki walked past him, heading towards the exit. The dual-haired teen cocked his head to the side as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Just think about it, Midoriya. We aren’t here to tell you what to do, but we do hope that you will take our concerns under consideration, and try to convince Aizawa-sensei that his decision is not right for you.” Iida removed his hands from Izuku’s shoulders, and followed suit with Todoroki, casting a brief nod in Izuku’s direction.

Hummingbird Heartbeat ( Explicit )

“The knife went through his fucking chest, Kirishima.” Katsuki spat his name into his face, mouth twisting into a vicious snarl, teeth and all. “You know that's where his heart is, right? And his fucking lungs? All the vital shit?” Kirishima blanched. “I-I know, I just meant—” “What, you mean to tell me that your stupid fuckin’ ass is so ignorant to forget that he lost a shit ton of blood, hah?! Yeah, it was a flippin’ knife wound, oh hoo-ray, but look at the nerd now! He’s fucking dying because of it!” 

In A Sky Of A Million Stars (Who Cares If One More Light Goes Out?)  ( Mature)

He could never forgive himself.It was his fault.He’d planted the idea like a seed he’d never known would grow. (Or: What if Izuku jumped?)(OR: The one where Izuku jumps and lives and Katsuki visits him every day and Class 1-A not-so-secretly finds it adorable that their designated angry pomeranian brings flowers to his comatose childhood friend.) 

Bad at Love ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Class 1-A is put to the test in one of U.A.'s classes and tests where they face a faux-villain they can't seem to win against. During the two-day fighting, Bakugou noticeably becomes more and more shaken by the faux-villain. Midoriya wants to help him and to become his good friend once again. Bakugou knows there is more than friendship in his own head but wants to keep Midoriya close, if only to keep him safe. But with jealousy, friendships, and their dreams on the line, they have to get even closer to help the other.

The Roads Between ( Mature )

In a world with disappearing quirks, Izuku, a government employee, and the recently captured Lord Explosion Murder are forced to team up in order to stop a coup of Japan by the League of Villains. More than just their lives are on the line and teamwork is the name of the game, but how can two people so seemily different from eachother ever hope to accomplish such a task? 

Crimson Concrete  ( Mature )

Bakugou Katsuki was pretty sure he had this vampire shit down to a tee. All he had to do was stay away from the sunlight, avoid churches and not have any attachments to humans? That was literally how Katsuki had lived his life up until now- it was the exact same, except, he supposed, with higher stakes (ha, get it?)“Hey dude, does this mean you can’t eat garlic bread anymore?”Oh.OH NO.

The Space Between (Mature)

Holding his expensive camera tightly between his hands, Midoriya Izuku looked up at the once-white letters displayed on the black storefront banner. “The Hard Luck Bar,” he murmured to himself, unsure if he was getting ready to enter or flee.

Amateur photographer Midoriya Izuku is stuck in a rut and desperate for a change of pace. Deep in his city's grimy underbelly, he finds exactly what he's looking for in the form of an underground punk sensation on the verge of their big break, fronted by a foul-mouthed firework of a human being. Loud, brash and passionate, Izuku may have just found the creative spark he needed, as well as something new to set his soul ablaze.

Cinnamon Bun Bun ( Explicit )

In a world with humanoid creatures called "pets", Katsuki Bakugou finds himself suddenly the owner of a timid curly haired rabbit. How the fuck did that happen? Will the reluctant new owner and abandoned pet be the best thing for each other or will it end in disaster? Only the tags will ever know.Warm and fuzzy fluff pet AU with hints of angst and humor! *This story is mostly about fluff. Warning and "past" tags for a backstory chapter(s) almost exclusively. Will warn at the beginning of ANY chapter with ANY sensitive issues.*

Stay with me, Midoriya  ( Mature )

An alternate "conclusion" of the battle when Midoriya saves Kota during the Summer Camp attack. Or, Midoriya is badly hurt and Bakugo is the only one who heard the scream for help. 

Restless ( Mature )

Second year at UA was essentially the same as the first, though everyone had fucking been developing and growing or some such asinine shit. And Katsuki was still reigning supreme. Things were fine up until shitty Deku had to derail everything with his fucking.....fucking. This year was gonna be hell for Katsuki. 

Swarm (Explicit)

General Izuku Midoriya, a rare omega cherry bee and Second in Command to Chief All Might's army, is left to run and defend Brambleberry Hive. he never expects a swarm of vicious hornets, led by alpha general Katsuki Bakugo, to ambush them and take over the hive. Bakugo takes his place as Chief Alpha, making Izuku his prisoner and slave. But Izuku refuses to let Bakugo control him and fights the alpha every chance he gets. He will have his revenge on Bakugo and regain control of Bramberry....

my ex-man brought his new boyfriend  ( Mature )

izuku's desperate to get a date after being persuaded (forced, more like) to go for a family reunion back in his hometown, in which he will most definitely see his ex, todoroki shouto, with a date of his own.in a last attempt to find someone, izuku asks for help and ends up getting bakugou katsuki.

The Hunting Party ( Explicit )

Izuku had gotten himself into many messes over the years. He’d once got stuck in the back of a restaurant after hours because he’d been too shy to ask someone to let him out of the staff bathroom he’d locked himself into.

Painting Flowers ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Where Bakugo Katsuki works at his parents' flower shop and Midoriya Izuku is a hot regular that simply comes to sketch flowers all day long.

BNHA: Hybrid A/O/B Works ( Works:6) (Explicit / mature)

You ever fantasize about Wolf Bakugou chasing down a sweet rabbit? Or the wacky shenanigans of trying to figure out his pet's heat problems? This is the series for you, mate, and I'm always happy to provide your dosage of pure nsfw. (With too much plot)

Say you love me ( Mature )

Izuku is going through his very first break up and suffering the whiplash affects of it. He discovers he’s got a new neighbor and his name is Katsuki. They’re not the best of neighbors in the beginning but by the end of the story they will be. But basically Izuku and Katsiki end up falling in love but don’t necessarily know that they both feel the same way about one another because they’re both very slow in the feelings department when it comes to other people. But with the help of Bakugous best and only friend, Eijiro, and a lot of prolonged effort shit happens.

Lovebites ( Explicit )

Katsuki Bakugou was going to hate this summer.He thought he'd hate it because he was being forced to leave home and work for his mother's friend in a small, seaside town. He thought he'd hate it cause he was being punished for burning his room to a crisp. He thought he'd hate it because he hated change.But it turns out, he hated the Supernatural Turfwar between four species that shouldn't exist but do a whole lot more....Or The one where Katsuki is forced to move in with Inko for the summer and finds himself falling for a particular bloodsucker....

Album Title in Progress ( Explicit )

Izuku's singing makes Katsuki realize sex is Real™ and uses those feelings to make a bomb-ass(lol get it? cuz his quirk is...) album while also helping a self-doubting Izuku realize how fire his mixtape is.

A Chaotic Reunion ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Even as a villain, Izuku Midoriya's admiration for Bakugo Katsuki never faltered, even when his admiration for all the heroes in the world did. After leaving his home to join the league, Bakugo Katsuki remains his one true reason to keep going on in such a pointless life. He never expected to meet him again, especially not in this kind of situation.

The Hardships of love ( Explicit )

Katsuki has always known just exactly what he wants, that just so happens to involve a certain green-eyed boy. How will he cope when what is his suddenly goes away, only to return years later? A/O/B universe, Alpha Katsuki, Omega Izuku,

Soul Bonded ( Explicit )

Izuku Midoriya had always been told he was a beta. So why did he find himself sneaking into Kacchan's room and taking old shirts? Why did his sweaty gym clothes smell so good all of a sudden? A story in which Bakugou and Midoriya are definitely not mates, no matter what Recovery Girl and Midnight say. And they definitely, DEFINITELY don't have feelings. Nope.

Iridescent ( Mature )

After Katsuki learned Izuku’s secret about One For All, he said that things would be different from now on. The two of them learn how to stand on equal grounds and be proper rivals, and that gradually leads them to evolve into something more – or, rather, they start to realize what was there all along. Because what’s left after all the bitterness and misunderstandings are gone? Positive feelings. By the time they reach their third year, they can’t go a day without seeing each other. Eventually, they start pining over one another. Katsuki secretly works through his insecurities in order to accept his feelings for his childhood friend, but it goes haywire once he realizes that he doesn’t know how to apologize for the wrongs he has done.

Stygian Fire ( Mature )

Izuku's Quirk manifest at the tender age of five. It's strange that he would have a fire Quirk given what his mother's Quirk is, but he chalks it up to genetics on his father's side. A week later, there's a (familiar) stranger in the kitchen, and everything changes.

i packed up everything except those memories ( General Audiences )

For a long moment, they all stare at him, wide-eyed and shocked.And then Bakugou laughs and leans forward to press his mouth to Midoriya’s. “I fucking love you, ya damn nerd.”Midoriya reddens, but kisses back enthusiastically, and his lips curve into a dazed smile when Bakugou pulls away. (or, Bakugou works at a bar and Midoriya is the nerd that keeps him company.)

The Art of Indifference ( Not Rated )

Bakugou is used to being the center of attention- be it anger, confussion, or fear (mostly fear) everyone always gives him a reaction.Until all the sudden, Deku doesn't.  What a fucking asshole.

Wild Child ( Explicit )

Imagine Tarzan, but KatsuDeku,with wolves instead of gorillas,and with a lot more smut.

The Kiss ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Katsuki has feelings but refuses to admit it; Izuku has feelings but refuses to act on them. And just when they finally begin to understand each other, that fucks everything up. Or: What if Katsuki kissed Izuku at the end of their fight?

Full Disclosure ( Explicit )

Izuku had never wanted to protect anything as much as he wanted to protect the fire between them, even as it caught fire and consumed him. He'd gladly go up in flames if it meant getting to see Kacchan like this. Or The alternate outcome of the battle at Ground Beta and the relationship that changed because of it.

When lust prevails  ( Explicit )

Bakugou and Midoriya got into a heated argument which led to heated interactions; main pairing BakuDeku, side pairing KiriKamiEpilogue update featuring jealous Bakugou, confused Midoriya, pragmatic Todoroki, and class 1a eavesdropping the drama :DThis story is officially completed :)

Sheep in wolves clothing ( Mature )

Don’t go into the woods at night. It’s a self explanatory warning but apparently not even passing near them in a vehicle is 100% safe. Especially not when all the news stations are warning of an unknown threat. Unluckily for Izuku it’s the only route home

You Found Me Flinching In The Dark ( Mature )

Or, Izuku remained quirkless, he became a hollow depressed kid that lives his last few years of high school in a mental ward. (Updates once a month)

Go to Bed, Dumbass ( Mature )

"What the fuck are you doing here at two in the morning?" The blond male asked in a voice that was closer to a growl as he curled the weight he was holding."I could ask you the same question," Izuku replied with a small smile as he headed for the bench press.

Never Easy ( Mature )

Bakugou and Midoriya have known each other forever but as the years drug on their relationship became complicated and the boys found themselves barely knowing each other. Things seem dim on them ever really being friends again but when Midoriya is caught in an awkward situation by Bakugou, things start to change, and both males seem skeptical about getting their hopes up. This does not start out Mature, but will have Mature parts. I will warn you and you can skip them if you like.

Grief Counseling ( explicit)

A slowburn fic where Kacchan tries to convince Deku to take advantage of the grief counseling provided for free to heroes experiencing their first failed rescues. Lots of flirting. Healing their relationship comes first. The romantic bit where they fall helplessly and stupidly in love comes after.

"Streetcar Named Desire" ( Explicit )

If yesterday someone told Izuku that he, one of the most diligent students with the top academic ranking, would end up in Principal Aizawa’s office today, he wouldn’t have believed them. But lots things could change overnight. So here he was, slouching in the creaking chair in the reception in front of the principal’s office. [the story about how Deku and Kacchan ended up taking part in a school's play and went through high school shit and ended up in love]

Unseemly Beasts ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Dragons. Destructive beasts tearing through everything in their path and deadly to anyone who opposes them. Midoriya has never seen a dragon, never planned to, but now he needs the help of one. He just... didn't want to kill one. Not if he could help it.

Rivals with Benefits ( Explicit )

When Izuku gets drunk at a Class 1A Halloween party he accidentally outs himself. Then to make matters worse he confesses to Katsuki that he wants to be a little more than rivals.

2,645 Miles ( Explicit )

Izuku wants so badly to get to the other side of the country without his parents realizing he's missing. He just wants to find out who he is.Katsuki is desperate to make it to Los Angeles without being caught by the police, desperate to fix his mistakes.Neither know what to expect, but on a roadtrip across the U.S. involving four fugitives, two oblivious runaways, a high risk crime ring, and a police taskforce, the two will discover that there's more in store for them than what they originally thought.

Dragon's Mark ( Mature )

Katsuki Bakugou has been living on his own for many years, accompanied by a very annoying red dragon named Kirishima. They are the last of their kind, unknown to humans. At least, that was how it used to be until a shy boy by the name of Izuku Midoriya enters the picture.

Breaking Point ( Mature )

“Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.” 

[canaryatlaw]

alright. well today was at least better than yesterday. I was still an anxious mess for some of it but it kind of tapered down towards the end so that’s an improvement. Alarm went off at 1, I didn’t really wake up prior to that probably because I ended up being up super late last night. but I had PT at 2:30 so I jumped in the shower, and discovered my period had arrived, perfectly on time for my predictor app, but still very annoying because it’s been coming every 3 weeks rather than once a month and like, that’s so freaking annoying especially when it comes with cramps. So I was less than pleased with that. But I finished getting ready and had some breakfast before heading over. On my walk I encountered what I’m assuming was a homeless man (I don’t like that phrasing but I don’t know what else to refer to them as??) asking if I had any change, I said I didn’t think I had any singles (true) but I could see if I had any quarters (I stopped taking them out of my change for laundry so I’d have them for instances where I didn’t have cash) but then when I opened my wallet I saw I had a $5, so I just gave him that and was on my way. I in fact had 3 $5′s in my wallet, from the $20 I broke Sunday getting ice cream with Jess. So just a little further down I came upon the guy I normally pass on my walks to and from, he’s not terribly talkative but I’d say we’re on friendly terms at least, so I gave him a $5 to, because I should at least be consistent. PT was fine, the world cup was on again, Argentina versus Nigeria, it was tied 1-1 pretty late in the game but then Argentina scored with only a few minutes left so naturally everybody there went nuts and then shortly afterwards the game was over. I don’t think there was much else to remark upon. The subject of getting red or yellow carded got brought up, so I told the stories from high school when our goalie got yellow carded because she told a girl on the other team that she was gonna cut her apparently within earshot of the ref (nice move there) and then in a playoff game one of our players got fed up with this girl on the other team being all up in her personal space, so she turned around and slapped her in the face, and in return the girl slapped her in the face, and they both got red carded and thrown out of the game 😂 that, despite the circumstances, was pretty funny. Afterwards I was walking back and came upon another guy asking for change, so I gave him my last $5, then when I walked back up to where the regular guy was before he was still there, normally he’s gone by the time I walk back, he looked kind of disoriented or like he was trying to do something so I asked if he was alright, and he said yes, he was just one dollar away (from something, probably food, I didn’t ask) so I finally dug into my change and gave him the dollar in quarters I had, so that was a total of $16 donated during the outing, lol, which I found kind of amusing honestly, because I just love it so much, it makes me so happy to be able to share even a little bit, if it helps restore a little faith in humanity, shows God’s love on the person even if I don’t verbalize anything about Christianity in the interaction, letting the grace and love of God shine through my actions and trust that He will do the rest. It’s a small thing, really, but I could never live with myself if I became a person who just completely blocked out those in need around me, if I became hardened against the many in need around me every day, that even when I see them on a daily basis, my heart would still be moved to compassion for them, that my desire to help would always be there, that I would never be cynical and believe I couldn’t make a difference when I know that I can, even if it’s just in the life of a handful of people, it could be such a big difference for them. It makes me sad that I never really got to say goodbye to Anthony, the few times I’ve been down by school since the end of classes he hasn’t been there, but I think about him a lot and hope he’s doing okay. Seeing him multiple times a week over 3 years really built up a bond between us, where I would always greet him with a hug and never feel uncomfortable about it (as I might be about hugging an older man or someone I don’t know that well, I never felt that way about him) and I just really hope he’s doing okay. Sigh. I know I’m ranting, it’s been a while since I’ve gone off on this particular subject though so I think I’m justified. Anyway. By the time I got home it was almost 4, and I was feeling anxious about getting through all of my bar stuff, and I had the fleeting thought that if I wanted to do 8 hours I would be working through midnight, which felt overwhelming. But I turned on the main long lecture about Trusts (yesterday’s was on Wills, Wills and Trusts being one of the few bar tested elective classes I didn’t take in law school) so that wasn’t completely dry at least. The next video (there were 3 for today) was an MBE approach tutorial for civ pro, so I went through that, which was about 50 minutes, and I kinda wanted to quit after that but I kept pushing, and the next thing was doing the whole answer 25 bar style questions and then listen to a 2 hour explanation of the answers for civ pro, so I started that and tried really hard to use the knowledge I had just gone over in the MBE tutorial and really try to use their question approach (read the “call” [the part that has the actual question] of the question first, then read the facts and come up with the right answer in your mind before looking at the answer choices) which I hadn’t been very good with up to this point, and I felt like it really helped, and when I went to grade it my grade was significantly higher than it was on the contracts one yesterday, and was actually (slightly) above the average for the questions, which made me feel a tremendous relief about how I’m doing with bar prep and hoping that I’m not completely screwed. Next week we have the “simulated MBE” (the MBE is the multistate bar exam, not sure if I’ve defined that on here before) where you do all 200 questions timed like the actual exam will be, and that’s supposed to be a big indicator of what your chances of passing the bar actually are, so if I can pull my shit together over the next week and really get myself to a good point where I can get to at least average passing on that I will be very happy. I ended up watching the video until a bit past midnight, so I guess I did end up putting in my 8 hours for the day, albeit not under the best conditions, but that’s alright, hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better timed. I still think that at this point I have a better chance of passing the NY bar than the IL bar given that it is the one I’ve been studying for (IL is one of the few states that doesn’t do the MBE unfortunately), but I’m still not sure I’m 100% sold on moving back there, it’s something I’m definitely putting a lot of thought into though. And that was pretty much my day, not too bad really, and I guess that’s it, it’s almost 2 am so clearly time for me to actually go to bed (if my stupid cramps ever stop, anyway). Goodnight darlings. Sweet dreams.

[antrozay-blog]

Jackie’s Back

That is a great way to start this blog post, coming off The Breakfast Club interview with the Legendary Jenifer Lewis. I LOVEE her! I’ve watched that 1:03:11 long interview no less than 7 times since it aired a few days ago online. I’ve seen almost everything Jenifer has played in expect the movie Jackie’s Back. So I found it on youtube and watched it for free. The movie is basically about a has-been singer who never was and she’s trying to make one last comeback. I feel that premise fits my life perfectly right now. It’s about midnight right now and I needed a few hours to calm myself down before I even wanted to start this post. I’m typing this in the legendary notes app on my phone. The plan is to copy and paste to my tumblr blog. I will see if I want to do that, but as for now me typing this is just being used as an additional outlet besides me talking to one of my instructors Kevin and my mentor Miguel. I’m currently listening to Sweet Sexy Savage by Kehlani. It is one of my favorite albums released last year that I feel deserved a Grammy. CTRL by Sza too, but we are not here to talk about that. What I am here to talk about? I don’t know where to begin. Ill start with what currently happened which brought on my current hyper/hypo emotional state and I will work myself backwards. Today was suppose to be the day that I finally take my state boards exams for my barbers license. (Shit I don’t think I told y’all I was in barber school this whole past year. A nigga really did what he said he was going to do!) I didn’t go because my model called me literally an hour before we were to leave to the testing site, saying that he was ill with the flu and that he was not going to be able to make it. I kinda had a feeling that this was going to happen. At 8am I got a text from him saying he was up throwing up all night. So I’m like ok, it’s 8am and testing isn’t until 6pm so that should be plenty of time for him to rest up and get himself together for this. Basically I went the whole day just praying to God that he get better and everything goes as planned opposed to studying and reviewing like i had planned. I’m not mad...I can’t be. He was ill and you can’t control that. I believe his story. He’s not the type to lie. Plus he was soo down to help and be apart of everything I have been doing. He used to come to the school and get his haircut by me. It just fucking sucks when I was literally right there. Finally going to complete it all. And everyone knows, or probably doesn’t know that I was suppose to been have gotten my license. I started at the Barber College Feb 2017. I graduated (well i competed my 1800 hours) in Feb 2018 like the course catalog said I would. It was a good experience that ended too fast in my opinion. I met some great people there; people that I will consider my brothers for life. I don’t think i will give an in-depth review on the school itself. I don’t feel like it. So like I was saying, I competed my hours in the middle of Feb. I didn’t get my diploma until March because I still owed $1500 on my tuition. I had the money but I wasn’t in a great rush to pay it off because truth be told I didn’t have any barbershops lined up after completion so I didn’t rush paying it. When I finally paid it off, I was suppose to schedule my testing for my license immediately. Most people already have their dates already set up for like the following week of being totally finished with school. I didn’t go right away because I didn’t have a model lined up. You’re suppose to have a model that has to fit a bunch of different requirements about age, how much hair they have to have, how much hair you have to cut off, and they do a background check and a bunch of extra shit. It’s a big thing and it was hard to find the perfect model that fit and also that can be available during the testing time which is a whole 3 hour process. Fast forward to April when I knew that I was putting this shit off for way too long and it’s time to get serious again. I’ve been doing a few house cuts here and there and also working in a barbershop called Platinum Cuts on the weekends while still working my restaurant job just enough hours to pay my bills. I knew I still had shit to do in regards to my license. After asking everyone I could think of to be my model, and getting no’s, I finally found one person. Ok bet! I got my model. I told him everything that was told to me about the requirements, background check, testing center location, testing time and all that. And i’m like “are you sure that you can do this?! once i submit your name and pay my fees you have to be my model, i can’t cancel, change models or reschedule without forfeiting the fees that i have to pay.” Roughly $200. He’s like “yes, I’m available I can do it.” Mind you, I gave him the two dates that were offered to me for testing and the testing time on the 2nd of May wasn’t good for him because he needed work done on his car. So we chose the 16th. That worked better for the both of us because i still needed to study and review all over again. Plus at the time of us scheduling, the 2nd was like a few days away. Everything was going good. I was texting back and forth with him just letting him know don’t forget, asking if everything good with him and his car and shit like that. Just staying fresh in his mind so we can get this shit done and over with. All of this for him to cancel literally last minute. FUCK! This is all just embarrassing. Having technically been done with school since Feb and I’m still not licensed nor working consistently in a barbershop. It’s a real self esteem killer. Most of the guys that I went to school with are in shops or have started their own shops. They are making money and prospering in this field and i want to be just like that. I have so many people on my side telling me how good of a barber I am, how inspiring i am, and that I should be doing a lot more than what i’m doing now. I totally agree. I need to be working consistently, cutting consistently and challenging myself everyday. I know that it’s all coming from a place of love. You have to want it for yourself. I can honestly and vulnerably say that I haven’t felt the most confident lately i’ve basically been in dark cloud of depression since Feb. I haven’t felt this low since before I started Barber College, somewhere around the time of my last post probably. It’s a huge transition from Barber College. I totally understand how university students get depressed after graduating because they can’t find jobs and end up moving back home. I can humbly say I was one of the good students there, especially towards my last few months. Im not saying I was the best hair cutter, I wasn’t and will never claim to have been. I was good. i had clientele and stayed busy for the most part. I was doing like 8-10 haircuts on a regular day. Slave labor without pay lol. I was consistent with my attendance. Which was very helpful because all the other guys that were better than me were not consistent with their attendance. Some of them have been going to the school for years. Some are even still there. The school is designed to be a one year program. I think some people think of it as their job. We could accept tips up there so they might be banking. I was pretty damn good for barely cutting hair before I started. I could do a line up, an all even and trash taper. I was cutting my own hair for 5 years prior but never cut anyone else’s hair. I was trash then compared to now lol. Growth. But going from feeling like you the shit, being told you’re the shit, being hyped up daily, having people watching you and asking you questions to actually starting at he bottom in a shop with no clientele is a major shock. That shit really had me in my feelings and questioning myself, others, my skills and it this shit really for me. It’s not the shop that I worked at (past tense) because it’s been like 3 weekends since I’ve gone back and I don’t think I want to go back. The shop owner was actually my barber from middle school up until I met my barber/mentor Ronnie in 2009. So I’m familiar with the owner, Q. He had his own shop for 10 years and he’s the only barber in there. He’s had people work beside him from time to time over the years but no one ever stayed long. He’s already got his clientele on lock. My shop expectations are: be surrounded by people i respect and get along with meet people I can learn from and take advice from be in a shop that allows growth, creativity and room to just do and be me. I don’t want to say his shop didn’t offer none of that but again, his shop is his shop. not really a full staff of ppl kinda environment. I’m looking for a shop with a lot more traffic and walk ins. When you are just starting out cutting hair, that’s what you need. Walk ins to help you build up your own clientele. let’s everyone in the shop know you can cut and they see you cut. I’m not going to talk about the hotep conspiracy theories i had to listen to. The hotep youtube pastor we watched on tv daily in there who’s favorite topics were feminization of the black male and gays. But I’ll lowkey take all of that over the hood ass shops that my weak ass town has to offer. Also I wasn’t a fan of the percentage I was paying to cut there. When first starting out you usually pay a percentage (commission) until your clientele is up enough for you to pay booth rent. I’d rather just cut at home and be able to keep all my money. I want to find another shop to work at in the meantime before I move. Oh I don’t know if I told y’all, I’m moving to Atlanta in August. I put 6 months on my apartment lease back in Feb. It’s a lot of things that I could be doing to push myself and better myself right now to get me out this depression, but I feel like why should I put in that hard work now when i’m just going to be moving away in a few months. Getting established in a shop, building clientele that I’ll prolly only cut a few times. It’s just a lot going on at the moment in my life and my focus is everywhere, yet still no where to be honest. I know what kind of barber I want to be and what type of environment I want to work in and I don’t think that Lansing has that to offer me. All my school mates know this to be true too. They know I’m different. lol. So with my fingers crossed, I’m hoping that Atlanta will treat me right. I don’t want to talk to much about Atlanta because I’ll save that for another post. Hopefully not a whole ass two years or whatever. But I will when I get settled in or when I remember that I have a blog lol. I want to stop blogging only when I’m like knocking on depressions basement door trying to get out and blog more happier feelings and thoughts. Kehlani’s album just finished playing. I think I’m going to wrap this up with my last topic; support. Why don’t we support one another? I know that I shouldn’t be expecting or seeking support or validation from others, but fuck, we all wanna get our ego stoked a little bit. we want feedback and an occasional YASSS. I do expect something. I feel like i support, have supported a lot of people. I like your music, retweet your pictures, subscribe to your podcasts and give you your life when you deserve it. I don’t get that in return. Just like this blog, i’m glad i’m doing it for the betterment of be and not for y’all to car about me. No one would probably read this anyway. There is a handful of people that truly support me. I can count on one hand. I’m so very thankful for them. Then there is the people who see my haircut pictures online and won’t like them but in person will mention to me how dope I am at cutting. Then that’s when they give that fake “when can you cut my hair” but when I call them on it and and hold them accountable for asking for a cut and tell them to come thru, they all of a sudden busy or not responding anymore. I hate that. Sometimes you need to feel a little boost and a little support from others. Affirmation. Just a simple like, retweet, or a “I see you nigga!” comment. Something. I don’t want to say it’s hate. I don’t like to use that word and I don’t want to believe that people actually hate on me. I think people need to get comfortable in themselves and in what they are doing so we can show love to one another. idk. I’m tired and I’m probably not making any sense right now. I don’t feel like proof reading this and uploading it to tumblr either. Good night.