#I envy abled people so fucking much sometimes like they just have to worry about staying safe and practicing basic self care and they know

[whinlatter]

What about the dynamic between Ron and Ginny? I don’t see too many people talk about them other than the one time he tried to sl*t shame her.

this is a lovely one, thank you so much anon. the two baby weasleys. two beloved bruisers who will squabble til the cows come home but who would absolutely take bullets for each other in a heart beat... it's the loves of my life, ron and ginny weasley.

the dynamic between ron and ginny is, as you say, deeply misunderstood, deeply underrated and, ultimately, deeply loving. the ron haters will say ron's a misogynistic slut shamer towards his sister: the ginny haters (these are, i fear, much more numerous...) will say that ginny is a nasty bully towards her big brother, the family/molly's favourite who basks in greater limelight and parental love than poor tormented ronnie. i think that says more about fandom's inability to a) remember we are talking about children/teenagers, b) remember that tripping your brother to humble him when he's being openly horny about his future in sister in law is praxis, and c) grasp that conflict between characters does not preclude the presence of real love, care and mutual respect in their relationship. ron and ginny's dynamic is interesting because it brings out each characters' insecurities and flaws (for ron, his anxieties about his reputation among his own peers and his position within his own family, his worry about his family's wider reputation and wellbeing, his particular overbearing concern about ginny's safety post CoS; for ginny, her resentment of being overprotected, her inability to stomach hypocrisy and tendency to fly off the handle when confronted with it, her righteous temper in general...) but i think if the characters were, er, real, and you were able to show them the fandom takes/discourse around their relationship they'd be like, er, what? obviously we love each other to death. we're very very close. we're mates who enjoy each other's company and increasingly hang out a ton and treasure each other as dearly beloved family, what are you on about? like, yes, of course they bicker. of course they fight. but those two, in their core, are good. i think as adults they'd be closer still.

(there's been a horrid fanon tendency in the last few years to make a lot of hay out of the idea that molly desperately wanted a daughter and mistreated ron, her sixth son, as a result. this is an allegation that seems to have its sole canon basis in what the horcrux screams at ron ('least loved, always, by the mother who craved a daughter'). looking past the fact that the horcrux is, er, expressing ron's fears not reality (in its next breath claims hermione is .... in love with harry lads! tiktok fandom discourse do not like to remember this!), i think it's very important that even if this is ron's fear - that his mum loves him less than his siblings and only had him because she was trying to have a girl - it doesn't actually ever inform any resentment or jealousy towards ginny by ron. ron and ginny fight, of course, they do, but ron never makes this apparent anxiety ginny's problem. ginny could be someone ron bitterly resents, someone his mother and, by 1997, his best friend prefers. but he doesn't ever do that. ron just really loves his sister and wants her to be safe, and yeah, sometimes that pisses her off, but it doesn't come from a place of envy or resentment, which, given ron has oodles of that in other relationships, is saying something.)

my favourite ron and ginny moments:

in CoS when ron's desperate to see ginny get sorted and then gutted that he missed it :(

in CoS when ron teases ginny sweetly about her crush on harry but as soon as malfoy does it is ready to commit bodily harm

in PoA when ginny's suffering with the dementors and she goes looking for ron (even though the last thing he told her was to go away, lmao. just sibling things. fuck off and die! but also i would give you both my kidneys)

in GoF where ginny really is trying not to laugh at ron for asking out fleur when that is plainly fucking funny

in OotP when ron gets one singular look at michael corner and decides he is NOT good enough for his sister and also probably a traitor

in HBP when ron and ginny are at war with each other but ginny names her pygmy puff after him and as soon as ron is poisoned ginny is the first person on the scene (with hermione) and does up poirot with harry trying to solve the mystery of her beloved brother's assassination attempt. he will be avenged!

in DH when the catalyst for the ron/harry fight escalating and ron leaving is the moment ron accuses harry of not caring enough about ginny........ king shit sorry!

bonus in DH when ron's like yeah ofc i didn't go home are you mad. fred and george would have been fuming. and ginny, my moral weather vane, would have run me through with the rustiest of pikes

thank you for humouring me with this ask game anon!

[aerodaltonimperial]

that spooky lighthouse au epilogue

(idk man i re-read this fic and was like oh, i love that universe still, that was so much fun to write, maybe i should write a little ending? so here you go.)

Darby wakes before the sun.

At this point of the season, not that much before, but enough that the glow coming in through the blinds is still a muted, reddish hue. It’s learned behavior, really; he was always woken up when something went wrong, or when the lighthouse turned itself on, and now, the instincts are slow to fade. Except that now he wakes up and stares up at the textured ceiling tiles of a just off campus apartment that’s far too small for the amount of people currently living in it.

There’d been a nightmare at some point last night, the kind that worms its way down into his bones. He runs a hand over his face and sighs. Then he rolls over to slide his arm across Jack’s waist. Jack is an indulgent sleeper—he never fails to curl around Darby’s hold, scooching back against him without waking up. He’s the sort of person who has never had to worry about his well-being while he slept, never had fear tickling the back of his neck even in his dreams.

Darby envies him, but more than that, he’s determined to make sure that stays true. He curves himself along Jack’s spine, slotting his knees behind the other’s. Presses a kiss to Jack’s shoulder, the little bit of skin peeking out from beneath his shirt collar. Sometimes, Darby can fall back asleep and catch another hour or two. This morning is not one of those times.

When it’s obvious he won’t be able to get any more rest, Darby slides out of Jack’s grasp and creeps quietly out of the room. There’s only one main room, separated into the living room and the kitchen; counter space is severely lacking, but neither Hook nor Jack seem to be much for cooking. The coffee maker holds a space of honor in the corner. The timer hasn’t switched on yet, so Darby flips it manually.

He’s sitting on one of the unpainted kitchen chairs, staring out the sliding glass door, when the door to the other bedroom opens. Hook makes it halfway out before he realizes Darby is there. Then he frowns, blinks, and sets his phone on the counter. “You’re up early.”

“So are you,” Darby returns.

Hook shrugs. He’s dressed in shorts and a tank. “Going to the gym. Can’t sleep?”

“Happens sometimes.”

Hook nods. He goes to the fridge and pulls out a bottle filled with an obnoxious green smoothie, one of those ridiculously expensive things both of them tend to buy without even thinking. He seems as though he’s getting ready to leave, but pauses before he hits the door.

“Hey,” he says, to get Darby’s attention. “I know you saved his life. So...thanks.”

“Thanks?”

“He’s annoying as fuck, and I swear he doesn’t have an ounce of sense in his head, but he’s my best friend,” Hook says. “I don’t know where I’d be without him. So. Yeah. Thanks.”

Darby nods once, slow. “You’re welcome.”

“You’re still an ass,” Hook tells him.

“Feelings mutual.” Darby jerks his head back towards the bedroom door. “He up yet?”

“Nah. He’s pretty lazy sometimes.” Hook doesn’t bother to wave when he leaves, just grabs his keys from the holder nailed to the wall. But the coffee is done, so Darby gets a cup. It’s some organic brand; the bag boasts that it was grown, like, beneath only blue lights that had been locally sourced in dirt flown in from a tiny island in the Pacific or some shit. Darby doesn’t know where the hell they buy this crap. Tastes good, though, so maybe he shouldn’t complain.

Halfway through the cup, Danhausen wanders out from the room. He squints blearily at Darby for a moment before waving a hand. “Ah. Good morning.”

“For an all-powerful entity, you sure would be easy to kill in the mornings,” Darby says.

Danhausen grumbles out something unintelligible when he goes to the counter to hunt down a clean coffee mug. “Yes, yes. Be sure to put a big neon light up when you invite things in. Danhausen will hardly be the most interesting specimen in the apartment.”

When Darby makes a face, Danhausen offers a wide smile. “Darby has been touched by an otherworldly. He is considered a delicacy in some realms now.”

“So has Jack.” Darby frowns.

“Huh,” Danhausen replies, with overly false surprise. “An added bonus.”

That makes Darby think a little. He takes another sip. “You keeping everything away?”

“Perhaps,” Danhausen says. “But it is not a full-time job. We are not very high on anyone’s lists. And right now, Danhausen will go shower, so that we remain that way: unnoticeable.”

Darby doesn’t really know what a shower has to do with not being noticed by dangerous entities from other worlds, but whatever. He finishes his coffee, pours another cup, and goes out onto the balcony. Dawn has broken, painting the sky red. Here, they are far enough from the coast that the smell of the sea is hard to pick up, but Darby lived his life by the brine, and he’d know it anywhere. It’s strange to be looking out over the morning and not hear the roar of the waves or the screams of the gulls.

Eventually, the door slides open behind him, and Jack pads out onto the metal. “Hey. When did you wake up?”

“Not that long ago,” Darby replies.

“I’ve only got Lit and Calc today, so I’ll be back early.” Jack leans over the railing, both elbows propped up against it. “Wanna hit somewhere near the beach for dinner?”

“Sure.”

Jack studies him, chewing on his bottom lip. “You okay?”

Darby turns, back hitting the rail. He loops an arm around Jack’s shoulders, mostly so he can pull the other in closer, press his face against Jack’s hair pulled back in a messy bun. The coconut scent of his shampoo is strangely grounding. His t-shirt covers none of his arm, the tattoo that’s still healing to hide the shadowy marks that will never go away: overlapping ocean waves against the rocks.

Against his better judgment, Darby misses those rocks.

But he’s here, standing on a balcony overlooking the sprawling student apartments that carry far too high a rent, drinking overpriced coffee that Hook will bitch about having to buy more often with more people drinking. Darby drops a kiss against Jack’s temple as Jack curls in closer, fingers sliding up beneath the hem of Darby’s shirt.

“Yeah,” Darby murmurs. “I’m okay.”

And for the first time in maybe forever, he really means it.

[kimtaegis]

do you also feel like everyone is in a point now where we miss the members so fucking much that it's exhausting in a way? like... less than a month for jin to be here and i still feel like that. and i know that when he's here things will feel better but i also know that i'll still miss the others an awful lot. every day i see multiple tweets saying "i miss bts"

it seems like watching their old contents and even the new ones that were pre-recorded is very cool but it also hurts bc i'm just "damn, wish you were here". and i also envy people who have the exact same enthusiasm while listening to their old and new songs as before bc i'm like in my 20% when before i used to do it so much more. it makes me sad, but will be here trying and doing what i can...

it feels weird when i see a pic or video of them together (that we hadn't seen before) bc it's been so long and it just hurts man i don't know other word for it. it just hurts ☹️ and yeah let's be real, when the time for all of them to be back is near, we'll be saying "it went faster than i thought", and that will be true, but right now? no, still a long time to wait and it sucks. especially with the awful things that have been happening, how the fandom is crazy rn, going through stuff .....

really missing them, tired of everything, but will be waiting as always. and i hope they're feeling well :/

hmmm I wouldn’t say that everyone feels exhausted (me included) about it but I can definitely understand what you mean. like sometimes, I have this somewhat .. hollow yet heavy? feeling when I think about them being away. and I can relate to the “not being able to be super excited about new content” aspect for sure. it’s very thoughtful and sweet that they prepared so much, but it just doesn’t hit the same when they’re not here to show it to us “personally”. plus the whole hybe being fucking awful thing on top? hm. it really just isn’t the same. but I also think it’s fine? I didn’t like that you said “I will be here trying and doing what I can” – darling, if you’re not feeling as joyful as before (for very obvious, valid reasons), then that’s okay! you don’t have to treat this as a duty or chore etc, that makes it even worse in the end. try to spend your free time with things that do you good these days rather than worrying about meeting certain excitement levels. being sad and bummed out about the whole situation is more than understandable, and you’re not alone with those feelings 🫂

[kyrodo]

Sometimes people want some lore in their life and they get way more than they bargained for. I used to listen to Red's stories about marching band and boy scouts and soccer from his younger days. I used to envy him strongly for it. I always felt like my life was lacking in meaningful experiences and getting together with Red helped me make up for it. There are still the days I spent on the Redwall forums that still had a strong impact on me. But before that all I was doing was looking for ways to waste time. Day in day out school homework gaming. That is all my childhood had really and my social life then was not as involved as I would have liked. I didn't keep friends that stuck around anyway and that in mind made it less meaningful.

So I was highly engaged by Red's stories wishing I had been there to share it with him. My existence in comparison felt supplemental at best. And I grew up to do the same as I always have, except it's work instead of school.

Gaming became less and less valuable to me, and I wanted to spend more time around people, like I did when Red brought me to our first fur meets and cons. Cause that gave me energy, that made me extremely happy. And I was stuck looking back wondering if I would ever feel that way again. Vrchat solved a lot of that problem. Irl I never really go anywhere unless Red is there with me, both as an expectation and because he drives me around, and his availability and his energy are both extremely limited.

But on vrchat I don't have to worry about such things. I can hold my own even without Red there and make meaningful connections. Connections where I'm not the person everybody loves to hate like I was with you.

I'm the person everybody loves instead. I'm the cat that everybody adores. I calm people down like Shine, Choskey, and Lupy, people with phantom sense universally seem to enjoy my pettings, people get charmed by the noises I make or think my avatar looks nice. And it goes in direct opposition against everything I suffered in the past that only a select few ever even hear about. I'm the unity expert, I'm the artist, I'm so much to people now when all I was before was somebody to lie to and hurt.

There are definitely times in life you'll wish karma would do its job, but I stopped caring. In the end, in our dynamic I'm not the one that does awful things to people, it was you, and I can live with that. Why you always make decisions to make a bad situation worse, that's for you to explain to people not me. Every cheap move you could have possibly made and I was just along for the ride. All just to be able to post about what I was going through with you. I didn't make all the best moves with you, but you made a deliberate effort to make the worst ones.

Thanks to you though the next time someone tries to be selective about what they acknowledge from me, the next time someone tries to manipulate me, I would crush them.

And I just find it silly, all these attempts to get me to perform angry circus tricks for you and you're the one who Does The Thing. This is the difference between trash culture and an honest person. There is such a huge gap between us when it comes to what we do when we're upset with someone and I am more than happy to point it out to you. You got to comfortable watching shows that normalize people being an absolute problem to society that just can't fucking help yourself.

I was easier to make fun of when you thought I was just someone who faps to furry shota. There are worse believe me, there are much worse people out there and you're inside one.

Like I said, nothing is ever as it seems. Nothing is ever as clearcut as you want it to be. The world doesn't work that way. If you never see the full story about someone you will always be making the same old fucking mistakes with people.

Once upon a time I used to be curious what your story was. I've lost interest. I'm not interested in people I can't get a single word in with without them randomly deciding to give up on me. I'm not interested in people who repost impatient gengar after I've told them I'm waiting for ADHD Red to fix my console who's already overworked at work to fix my fucking console.

I'm not interested in people who keep making assumptions when they don't get what they want right away because they are fucking stupid. I really shouldn't have to provide video evidence every fucking little thing you just don't fucking get cause you're only a visual learner.

You turned something this small and simple completely out of proportion and I don't feel sorry for you at all. If you want to ask questions then start asking the right ones. You wrote this tragedy. You wrote it cause you can't trust a single word from anybody you don't know. No matter how basic the interaction anxiety be like, no everything anybody says that isn't me is fucking lying. You got what you deserved.

If you wanted to live in the shittiest horror plot ever written you found one. The writers seriously had no idea what the fuck they were doing. It's that classic comedic horror where everything everyone thought they knew at the start was exactly what they thought but the only one keeping track is everyone's target. And you know what I prefer pretty boys over fat ones anyway so let's move on. I've got common allergies that are very hard to avoid, I'm not meeting specifications any time soon.

I always wanted someone to perpetually rage against while I'm bored at work. And after what I went through I hardly think pressing the right buttons is a pressing concern.

[anonymousisnotavailable]

Maybe things would be a little easier if I was less worried about how others see me. Someone shared something online that their therapist had told them, but I, of course, cannot find it anywhere. It was something along the lines of: most people do not really care about what we do, say or look like. They will most likely not even remember our paths crossing. Because in the grand scheme of things - and this really does not sound very reassuring - we just aren't that important. Caring about the opinions of those close to us is completely normal. But the idea that every single person out there is judging us is presumptuous. I like the idea of not being important. Sometimes so much that simply existing feels sort of weird. That is when I get the urge to fade away. It is not that I wish to die. Not really. It is more like I get this feeling, that I could slowly dissappear, and maybe people would notice, but I would ultimately be okay with drifting away. This thought naturally pops up, when I reach a certain point of exhaution. Tired to the bone. That is what I am at the moment. I just want to be able to let go of all my worries. I worry an aweful lot about finding a job. I worry that I won't be able to stay motivated. I worry, that I will not be able to pursue further education. I even worry about a fucking man. I always told and continue to tell myself, that the last thing I will ever let myself worry execessively about is a man. And yet here we are.

I am trying very hard to catch up on, well, everywthing. I was naive in thinking, that finding out what the hell is wrong with me would make all my worries dissappear. One would think finding the will to live, multiple kinds of meds and a ton of sessions with a psychologist would leave you feeling on top of things. It does a lot of the time. But feeling better - in the sense that I show no symptoms of either depression or hypomania - does not solve all your problems. Not the way I thought it would. Instead I am left feeling far behind everyone else. My friends from high school are getting engaged and married. Some of them have bought their own houses and cars. A few of them have kids too. My closest friends are working fulltime, and two of them are even living abroad. They have been travelling and meeting new people. My brothers are doing well both outside and in school. I am insanely proud of all of them, but I also catch myself from time to time feeling envious. I do not think anyone particualarily enjoy the feeling of envy, but I am ashamed of feeling that way. This is when I usually start to spiral.

It is not like I am being completely unreasonable, when I insist that I missed out on a lot. I did. Depression has been a big part of my life. It is kind of like an old friend, though not a great one. A toxic friend but a friend nonetheless. I miss her from time to time, and in those moments I feel tempted to seek her out. It's the familiarity, that I miss, I think. However, I also resent her. I know that life would have been a lot different without her. Everyone - including myself - like to remind me, that I gained some from this experience. I know myself better than most. Had I had a choice, I would have liked to stay ignorant. I have been told over and over again, that I am incredibly introspective. That is all fine and dandy, but it has also been painful. For a while it was bad enough, that I would bottle up all my feelings, so that I would not have to deal with them. I still stow away my feelings every once in a while. That way I will not have to deal with the sorrow of all the things, I feel like I missed out on. I have my own personal emergency shelter in the form of a green couch and escapism. On that couch I pretend, that nothing can reach me. That until I leave my seat, I get to ignore anything and everything. What job to apply for. Whether I might be able to apply for further edcuation. Whether I want to continue seeing someone, that I am not even sure I am in love with. Vulnerability and soul searching can wait.

- L

[krisdorian]

kill the weakness

ill the weakness, 

30 January 2024

I have not been working for the past two weeks. I feel like my mental state has not been the best. It’s actually pretty bad. I feel like lately, I am definitely UDUF. I have really fallen out of having a good routine. I need to be self disciplined, and take care of myself. I have been playing games of chess like a madman. I need to find a way to ration the number of  games that I’m playing. I need to cut back. I need to stop playing so late I need better sleep hygiene. I need to get to bed earlier. I need to wake up earlier and get my day started on a good foot. I don’t have any excuse.

Also, I realized that losing at Chess has really started to affect my mood I need to regulate The number of games on playing, so that I don’t go down a rabbithole of losing multiple games in a row like I did yesterday, which was fucking ridiculous. It’s not just about losing all of those games in a row on rematches. That kind of mindset can end up, hurting me badly in another life situation. I also need to learn how to regulate my mood better. I’m not sure why it’s something I struggle with so much. As. Ambra said, if something is wrong with her mood, that means that something needs to change. I need to do more self reflecting. 

Overall,   still feel like I have a lot of room for growth. I feel like I’m very underdeveloped, and it makes me very dissatisfied with myself. Part of me is so embarrassed that I feel like I don’t even deserve to live.Basically, I am being weak. I need to stop being weak. I need to be strong, be impenetrable. I need to build myself up. Why is my development so stunted?

It angered me seeing that gorgeous Latina at Athletica last night and not feeling like I’m able to make anything happen with her, especially, when it appeared like a black guy who is a solid foot taller than me, was getting to interact with her and potentially getting her number. At least that’s what it looked like. Although, it could’ve been something else. They could have already known each other. 

But either way, I’ve experienced these feelings in the past, the feeling of Envy, seeing guys who are taller and much more attractive than I am, who seemingly don’t have any difficulty approaching, or making conversation with an attractive girl. I feel completely inept and impotent when it comes to making those kinds of overtures. It really says a lot about me as a man that I am almost 40 years old and I am still underdeveloped in this regard. 

At what point did things go wrong? I guess you could say that things started to go wrong in my childhood, but if not, then, certainly during adolescence. Because of my health issues and other issues I dealt with early on, I was very mistrustful of people, and had trouble relating to people. For that reason, in addition to perhaps, being highly reclusive by nature, I didn’t actively form friendships, or try to work on my social skills and social development. Aside from the few friends that I had during, and after high school, for the most part, I didn’t actively try to form or maintain relationships. But you could say that I actively avoided forming or maintaining relationships with people.

In addition, with all the time that I have had off, I should have spent more time, self reflecting, and journaling. I feel like I should probably work meditation into my daily routine. Even though, as it is, I already have so many different rituals in place, it’s tiresome. Perhaps I should think more like Kobe did and ask myself, what will help get me the best outcome? He realized that his performance was suffering due to lack of sleep. It’s not always about what I wanna do. It’s what I need to do. It’s what I should do. Sometimes I need to ask myself that. But I often forget to.

I’m also a little bit worried because I haven’t been working for two weeks and I don’t know how the new job is going to play out. All that I can say is that I am also trying to line up a job at Lola 41. I feel like I am able to have two jobs lined up, that should ensure that I earn enough money for the time being.

[vinxwatches]

(re)watching Transformers: Prime season 1

this was a series that was on during a time, but i don't think i ever saw the end or even a lot of it, though i do remember the motorcycle robot well and thought she was really cool (may have been lesbianism or gender envy), and Red from OSP mentioned is with some regularity which has kept it in my mind. also it was what i was watching when i got picked up to see my sibling for the first time after they were born and i remember being quite annoyed i had to stop watching the show, which clearly has stuck with me for way too long.

ep1 darkness rising, p1

well, it almost looks good. almost, but the lighting engine is just too weak to pull most things off. the graphic quality just doesn't seem to be able to pull of what they want it to. the terrain is extremely low in quality. i expect that to get a lot better, not just with seasons but even though the first season as they build up more assets.

damn that wasn't long for the first death. might also explain why he didn't look great. how much time do you put into a character that exists for 5 minutes?

it's interesting to see an enemy with a plan we know at least in part will fail as they don't truly have the element of surprise. for protagonists it's common, classic tragedy stuff. but never for antagonists.

wow, real subtle guys. two dark purple spiky cars driving like assholes. no one will ever notice anything up. also pausing really reveals how bad things blend. the entire scene has motion blur Except the characters. even still the action is surprisingly good. i just hope the human cast won't be unbearable.

small dextrous fighter dodging around strikes for larger opponents that she can take down? well if that isn't my favourite. no seriously that's always what i try to play in games. i'm no good at hit but it's my fucking jam.

oh she has way too much detail to be a background character. i don't remember this goth girl at all for some reason though. she does have the best personality so far though (yes i like enthusiastic characters)

p2

good way to make him intimidating: give his every footstep a screen shake.

i thought they were going to go somewhat light on combat. NOPE. the bad guys will cut people in half. the good guys will do a fancy kick move of someone's neck and take their head off.

and sometimes it's Very ps2.

damn, it didn't take long at all for the villain to make a turn for the monstrous. i thought that would be season finally or at least mid finally shit. oh shit i think i remember that tiny robot very well, may well have inspired a lot of things i've come up with over the years.

p3

man they really use a lot of plotpoints in the opening multi parter. my fear is that that'll result in a very status quo no progress middle of the season.

i'm getting the feeling that they either don't have the ability or time to fully render some scenes which is why some turn out way worse then others.

and of course the military can't be shown as truly bad.

p4

seriously that the undead army is already a thing is worrying to me. where do you get to go beyond that? "if your opponents are already dead how can we defeat them?" you stop them from being able to move.

ah, they are trying to give the humans a purpose... good luck.

blades extended straight out of the forearm. seems rather impractical. severely limits the amount of cuts you can make as you can't edge align, and these blades seem really short.

the boy walks away... i'm sure i'm supposed to be sad about it, but i'm really not. he added nothing other then being whiny. he'd obvious return. got to have a "default" guy, lets hope he find a bloody use. because responsible isn't interesting.

ok, pretty good threat for what to avoid in the future.

p5

i repeat again: a LOT of big plot point early. i'm afraid for the rest of the series.

transformers is pretty big on defending the home you didn't choose. there's a really harmful message in that. patriotism is incredibly dangerous, which is part of why america is so dangerous, to others and too itself. it's also big on them choosing to defending the home they didn't choose. there's a much less harmful message in that.

Masters and Students

oh, Starscream has a goa to work towards. will it be one episode or a seasonal thing?

"you are a motorcycle, shouldn't you know how to put one together?" "you are a human, can you build me a small intestine". there are some significant differences (motorcycles are designed and lack most useless parts while humans are not and our internals are a bloody mess design wise). but also fair point and fucking funny.

also neat choice to make soundwave, who acts the most like a robot, a drone in plane form.

oh i think i remember this episode. at least the science project subplot i hated.

Con Job

oh yea, he has the high villain shoulders.

Convoy

i was going to say that there were less and less ps2 moments. then they introduced a new setting and yea it's not looking great.

pretty good ending speech and pretty interesting concept for future plots.

Speed Metal

fucking hell don't say "that's my girl" it's fucking weird and gross.

at least they aren't (currently) pairing up the main human male and female character because i don't trust this show to do that well.

Predatory

oh shit we're diving into some heavy shit here. i'm afraid spider lady will be an obvious bad guy.

damn there's serious PTSD going on here. and how RC seems perfectly equipped to fight her could be extremely deep story telling if you read it that the made herself perfect to fight exactly her again.

Sick Mind

ok, they found the hidden enemy ship. so things are maybe moving forward. also really telling that they'll try a rescue of someone they don't know over hitting the enemy they know they have.

a plague ship. such a cool idea. so sad that it's currently probably a bit bad taste to use for things like ttrpgs. though if it's like a necrotic disease. zombies that turn you into zombies by biting you it's probably fine to use.

oh, inside someone's brain episode? really liked those in the owl house, lets see how they visualize it and what they do with it.

"i have thoroughly researched the theoretical literature" and today in least confidence boosting sentences.

interesting it's bumblebee and nor rc. i wonder why.

damn, smart play by bumbles, smart counterplay by megatron. not smart enough. really cool.

not to inventive with the visuals, but probably the coolest episode so far, maybe with predatory. and damn that cliffhanger.

Out of His Head

powerplays between the two people conspiring together. very interesting dynamic.

ok, megatron is back, things do move... and no one seems to be too bothered about it atm. i'm guessing that's what the next episode starts with.

Shadowzone

oh damn, starstream going to use the dark energon in desperation to be level the playingfield.

oh hey, people being out of phase, i recently saw this startreck episode. damn, and they left most of a zombie in the other phase. that'll be interesting for the future.

Operation: Breakdown

damn, how much transformer gore will we see in this one? just one lose eye and where it was supposed to go, kind of a letdown

Crisscross

fucking hell this episode is going brutal. more brutal then the breakdown episode.

Metal Attraction

damn, first instance of damage being permanent.

so they try to make the mom look bad by being over protective. but we don't get any sense that most recon missions go perfectly smoothly and safely. now i'm sure that's like characters in stories going to the toilet, but it does make it feel like they are very often dangerous making the mom seem more then reasonable. they also try to make RC seem over protective even though she takes them on missions she believes are safe and sends them back when dangers shows. i don't think they'll make the conclusion stick well.

i wonder how permanent they'll make those very neat retributive cuts. she seems like the type who'd keep them until she killed the one that gave them.

oh, his dad left... i though he might have died... that's either a much stronger stance, or his father will be revealed later making it much less interesting because we've seen that dozens of times. and they didn't make them worrying the bad thing they did, but instead not accepting change. surprisingly well handled.

Rock Bottom

not like this (be burried under a metric fuckton of rock and then drilled to death)... why not? a swift, easy end to one of the biggest threats. boring for the series? sure. but they could have made it saving before attacking and it would have made total sense.

Partners

i just realized the autobots make for a pretty standard 5 man band... sort of. some are easy. like bulkhead is the obvious big buy, ratchet is the obvious smart guy. now arcee and optimus are obvious leader and lancer. but you could question who's who. for the leader optimus is rather rarely the focus... but yea no he's the leader. and arcee is a neat lancer being the smallest compared to the largest, nimble and dodging instead of standing his grown and tanking. which would make bumblebee the heart which makes total sense.

if anyone would turn coat starscream would make some sense... but also not as he'd want to tripplecross. however he thinks he'll get more.

T.M.I.

damn this episode felt like one of the writers was struggling trough a family member suffering dementia.

Stronger, Faster

i think i remember this episode. unless the energy problem keeps coming up.

i mean... is what he's saying not true though? he's saying it like an asshole, sure, but what did he say that was wrong?

are you really giving the decepticons two corrupted forms of energon? seems redundant.

One Shall Rise, Part 1.

the only vagally reasonable natural threat to europe is something weird that kills power. sorry, it's just bizarre how safe Europe is compared to the rest of the world. this is not a flex, Europe is life on easy mod.

on the one side that's some cool lore. on the other i'd love it if for once something was called "the blood of X" and it's just myth, nothing more. not the plot twist of "the blood of X was Actually the blood of X and not just a fancy name".

One Shall Rise, Part 3.

damn, that's one hell of a cliffhanger for season 2. sure, the threat is defeated, but now the decepticons have optimus.

[mxldito]

Dinner Diary #8

I left to watch the light in the sky, milky pollution swirling like poison in a glass of water above, numbers and letters in the stars, clouds, airplanes, and the strange lights that nobody seemed to notice. Sitting here on the hood of my car, in the parking lot of some park, the truth is so sharp that it cuts my eyes and I feel as though I could bleed. It stings so much that I grit my teeth. Agony. Agony. Hunger. Agony. Hunger. Hunger. It bleeds more on an empty stomach.

You’re nasty when you bleed but that never stops Dead Ones. The sweet ones don’t last long in this existence. Wise or bitter up. Sweetness never lasts. But sometimes there are sweet Breathing Ones who mistake glossy vacant stares for something more than just hunger. That’s not their fault. He saw somebody alone. He got worried. What a sweet guy. I saw him before he even approached me.

As ordinary as they come, what a lucky existence. Lucky you. His brown hair was just a little thin near the front, his skin just a little pink, and his eyes were an average brown. Some kind of salaryman with his tie a little loose and his sleeves rolled up to his freckled elbows. I could smell a wife and children on him, that powdery smell of babies and a polyester chemise he had run his hands over when he kissed her goodbye this morning. We would have envied him a few years ago. Domestic. Mundane. Reliable. These are things that are unattainable to even the most comfortable of us. We would’ve wanted to get married. Maybe even thought about having children at one point. But that’s not a possibility. We’re okay with that now. The Star was not long for this world and couldn’t see that happening. There are already plenty of trembling children in the world. Me, I find myself an icy warmongering older brother more than anything else. My soldiers are my siblings, other way around. At least we’re all willing. “Beautiful night out, eh?” He says. Taking a good look, I see him get thrown off by sunglasses, tattoos, and a Rat Fink tank top that looks more tired than him. Young, miserable, and in trouble is what he reads. “Same kind of night it is most nights. But that’s what makes it comfortable, right?” That fake sad smile. I gave him a sigh, leaning forward onto my knees. There is a moment where he’s not sure what to say. This is all terribly presumptuous, even if he means well. “Yeah, I suppose so!” Trying to sound enthusiastic. He stops again, feeling awkward as he tries to figure out what he wants to say next. “. . .I’m sorry if I’m intruding. It’s just that you looked alone. I just wanted to erm. . .” Stammering.

Smiling again, nodding this time. “No, no. You’re fine! Not a lot of people would check up on a stranger.” Here’s an idea. “I don’t really talk to anybody about a lot of things but if you want-. Could you just sit with me for a little bit? And listen?” Sounding on the verge of tears, I wanted to laugh. He hesitates for a moment but he feels strangely compelled. He felt as though my life depended on whether or not he’d choose to sit with me. Surely, this weedy looking youngster wouldn’t be able to hurt him if they tried, right? Besides, they sound so sad. This kid has nobody to lean on. I take my sunglasses off and take his eyes with mine. “Stop fucking thinking about it and come sit next to me.” Resisting me when he’s already in my grasp, he isn’t strong enough. Humans are so easy. He sits next to me without a word. His gaze locked into the empty park in front of us, “Keep looking that way and listen until I tell you you can stop.” And he doesn’t move, only sits and listens. “A gelatinous heart is the easiest to crush, you know that? I’m nice. Lucky you.” I look over his lightly aged skin down to his neck. “You were probably just going to tell me that you’ve been where I am. That I have my whole life ahead of me. That I should look to get out of it before it’s too late. Just like you and everybody and everything else on this planet that eats and sleeps, there’s only one way out. I hope you and your babies and wife never find yourselves where I am.”

Leaning in close enough that I can feel the heat of his body radiating onto my face. I submit to my feelings: “I’m jealous.” But I can’t deny: “It’s the most ordinary of you that are the kindest but you can’t stop for every sad-looking stranger you see on your way home from work. You can look away now.” Bewildered, he doesn’t remember sitting with me or a single word I just said. I put my mouth on his neck and he’s sweet. He’s comfortable. He does his best for his family, his normalcy. I won’t let him slip away, I hardly ever do. He’ll wake up feeling sick and maybe at the end of the night, I’ll still feel that envy. A confused grunt, hand flailing against my shoulder unsure of whether to push me away or pull me closer. I drop him off the car onto the gravel below, he’s unconscious. I didn’t need to but I did anyway. He would’ve come to me if I had just been patient enough. I didn’t need to but I did anyway. I didn’t need to but I did anyway. I didn’t need to but I did anyway. He won’t remember me by the time he wakes up. And I’ll probably forget about him in a few nights. - Good morning.

[rukistarz]

✩ STAR DIARY - entry one - 15.2.23 ✩

im going out tomorrow, and im going to be doing a bunch of walking, which is kinda worrying because i woke up today super weak and dizzy. it was hard to walk around and stuff, but after taking some salts and waiting a bit, i started to feel better. i expect the same thing tomorrow, but today i literally didn’t do any walking, so i think that’s why i feel better, im worried about walking around too much tomorrow and feeling worse. i plan on having salts in the morning, drinking coffee and having a monster so i have energy throughout the day, and taking breaks if i get super dizzy, since im going to be alone tomorrow, and hopefully that’ll be enough.

it’s pretty ironic since im not that far into my fast anyway, im only on my fourth day, you know ? i wonder if i’ll just get used to it and it won’t happen anymore or if it’ll just get worse. im obviously wishing for the former since i have to babysit frequently and i need to go out next week too, and do a bunch of walking. and to add, i’ll be with friends who i don’t want to rouse suspicion of by taking constant breaks. though, im looking forward to it! we’re going to a cute cat cafe, and will end it off with a bit of shopping at a huge mall that it’s near. we’ll also be doing a gift exchange since it was my birthday and my friend’s birthday is coming up, so it’s a joint birthday outing, and im really excited. that’s the only plus to the day, but i hope it’s enough to keep me going.

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

same day, i have more on my mind.

i feel sick for thinking like this, but im literally sick in the head anyway so like…

my sister is on a weightloss journey, and my family thinks im on one too (it’s the only way i can get out of eating fatty foods that they offer me) so, she always comes to me regarding her weightloss updates and stuff. she shows me her body-checks and stuff, she even looks at fitspo (she obviously doesn’t call it that) and talks about her progress, right ? she never really asks about mine, i think she kinda just wants someone to word vomit her excitement on her progress to, and i don’t really like to bring myself up anyway. she doesn’t live near me and we see each other every few weeks, sometimes even months. i really want the next time i see her to be at a time where i’ve dropped a significant amount, you know ? like, way more than her, lmao. that’s why i feel bad.

the other thing that i wanted to vent ab, that kinda ties in, is that i really wanna just be myself, and be okay with that, you know ? like, i’ve never in my entire life, even as a kid, wanted to be me. i used to want to be white as a kid (im black and i’ve grown to love my skin colour now) and i would fully and wholeheartedly believe that one day when i grew up i’d wake up and be white, lmao. i also wanted to be my best friend who was really popular in my school, i don’t mean be like her, i mean BE her. it’s honestly embarrassing, that eventually turned over to celebrities too and it kept going like that, and then after a fuck ton of bullying in high school, for my looks and weight (which didn’t help my case), i developed an ed, and now want to be the thinspo i see everywhere. i think it’s the first achievable thing tho, you know ? like, i can’t literally change my skin colour (which i don’t want to do anymore btw!!) i can’t literally become someone else, but i can be thinspo. because thinspo isn’t a person, it’s a bunch of different people who are perceived in such a way because of their body, and that’s who i want to be. and when im that, eventually, i’ll wanna be me. i also feel bad bc i want people to envy me the way i envy others, i want people to wish to be like me, but to not be able to achieve it because it’s literally impossible no matter how much they try. the best they can do is try to be like me, but not actually me.

im so toxic, what the actual fuck.

✩ blessing you with a starry night, ruki ✩

[unknownentry404]

My dude. My fellow disabled trans person. I cannot tell you how much I relate to you. I’m, too, in that weird stage where a wheelchair sounds like heaven, but I know family would see it as “an over-reaction” or some such bullshit. And I just don’t have the accessibility house-features/access/funds to even get one anyway.

Fortunately I don’t have to dodge family members as I live solo now, but will share the accessibility features I added to my life in the past year that help me:

I have a circular shower chair that fits in the bath, but I just bring it into my room when I’m done, leaving it by my wall after. (I was worried initially about its wetness, but honestly it drys very quickly, though I do have carpet). I’ve been sharing with four random housemates for 6 months and none of them have even noticed me use it. (And I haven’t been hiding it in particular, just the nature of the dash from bath to bedroom lol).

Another thing I use is a trolley, and a telescopic stool that I hang off it. The stool allows me be able to sit anywhere (I’ve gotten very quick at whipping it out/extending it) and the trolley is like a smoother cane on even ground. Unfortunately rougher terrain, and/or when I’ve filled it up too heavy, it becomes more neutral than helpful: but I have my cane attached onto the side so I just change to duel wielding and taking my time. No rush and sit when I need.

The trolley helps with shopping too (though people often comment “big shopping day?” when they see me, whether I am or not, it still is my baby and beats a disability comment I suppose?). Unfortunately using a trolley is pain with finding accessibility/dealing with unavoidable stairs. (Be prepared to feel even more indignant when it comes to accessibility features available and NOT available). Though the excuse of “it being heavy” is a good way to force me to use those features if available, and plan my routes for them where I can, when otherwise I might feel embarrassed to be the only one/go the long way when with a group when I “only” have my cane.

To Summerize:

-As soon as you are willing and able, be brave and get that shower stool! Fuck em!

- There are a lot of telescopic stools options out there. I hope if you do go looking for one, that you find one that suits you!

(You can experiment with making it easy to access the stool off the trolley. I just often have it hanging off the back, with the strap it comes with , etc. Just had to shorten the strap a bit).

- For trolleys I recommend 4 Wheelers as a must- 2 wheeler only “help carry things” and you can’t lean on them. (Plus, as someone, with chronic back pain, I found pulling a two wheeler trolley eventually causes that pain anyway).

I’ll recommend my one here actually, as they can be hard to find. (And it’s become my baby). The second link is a different one I almost got instead that had “stair wheels“ too? Didn’t get it as said, (I’m a simple guy who just wanted his tartan patterned trolley) so can’t say how well they work, but always good to try/research your options!

Mine: https://amzn.eu/d/e6khhbw

Other one with ten wheels lol (actually unavailable here, but gives you the idea): https://amzn.eu/d/fpVRMkl

Then of course, there are the actual two handed walkers, some with inbuilt seats in them. I see people out with them sometimes and there appears to be a lot of options online etc. I went for the above for more of an incognito approach, but I do look on in envy sometimes when I see someone with them in the wild.

Here’s the cheapest one I could find with a quick Amazon search, but there are plenty as said: https://amzn.eu/d/dBbK66y

But yeah, just my two cents. I’ve made it a project to mod my trolley to my liking, and am having fun with it. Isn’t a perfect solution, but alas. It’s something.

And may the Wheelchair gods one day shine upon you! Oh! And the fuck ableist shits who try and gatekeeper you from making your life easier!

Wishing you the best and ALL the love,

Ríon.

A transmasc cane/trolley(incognito walker) user. 😘

Having a wheelchair and a shower chair would make my life easier, but I know that my family would have problems with me having that around here. I can barely use my cane here. I doubt I'd have much luck getting any other mobility and disability aids.

-Amber (any pronouns)

[ablednt]

Having undiagnosed chronic illnesses really is just every day feeling the crushing weight of your own mortality and worrying that you’re not doing enough to make your life have meaning bc you could die any moment for all you know

[dienamights]

Unfavorable Guidance | H.Shinso

​✎ Mindjack has been doing these kind of jobs since he was recruited as a hero, he is unmistakingly the best at them, doesn’t need anyone butting their noses in his business, especially you, the sly fox in disguise, offering your tainted helping hand.

✎ Protagonists: Hitoshi Shinso x Fem!Reader.

✎ Word count: 6.4K

✎Category: noncon/dubcon, Smut MDNI, Prohero!au

✎Caution(!):  noncon/dubcon, Smut 18+ MDNI please, , mentions of alcohol, mentions of murder, minor character death, sex under quirk use, spitting, degrading, swearing, manipulation, unprotected sex. 

✎ Author’s notes: I KNOW I’M LATE EUFGKHDFVBDFXL, but here is my contribution to @daisy-bakugo​ 2k event Vice City! Please take the time to read everyone’s work if you haven’t! Thank you so much for letting me participate.

I listened to this throughout the entire process of writing it, if you’re familiar with Kingdom Hearts, some names will ring a bell to you lol. also I hate the header and the summary but you’re just gonna have to live w it for now cause its 8 am I NEED SLEEP

» Masterlist | Requests | Taglist

The annual auction of Vice City is one of the biggest social events of the year. The wealthiest families and richest people in the world come from everywhere in attempts to win what is secretly considered the greatest treasures of all time. Greatest and most expensive.

Alas, the after party held later on is what people are all secretly actually waiting for, where the most exquisite and rarest artifacts of the year get auctioned off to whoever is lucky enough to even be included in the guest list.

While not all are there for the auctions, it certainly is the perfect opportunity for anyone who's anyone in the world to show off their wealth. Filthy rich people sway all around, laughing and bragging. Venetian crystal chandeliers, velvet carpets, gambling, and alcohol. Men with their cigars, men with their wives, and men with their arm candies, their escorts or mistresses.

Yet, Shinso isn’t here for the luxury, he isn't here for the fame and the fortune, nor the reputation people thrive for when they buy those - meaningless, he calls them - relics. No, he is here on a mission, one he certainly wants to be done and over with because he wants to go home. He loosens his tie with an aggravated sigh before knocking back the last of his only gin and tonic, the bitter taste prickling his throat as he surveys the crowd of people all around him while he stands idly by the bar.

He knew it’d be a pain in the ass the second he got the mission assigned to him from the agency, the words “intel” and “Vice City'' of all places forced a frown upon his face, yet, being the most suitable for this job, he couldn't really decline.

Mindjack isn’t the type of hero you see on billboards and magazines, isn’t the type of hero to kiss babies’ heads that get thrusted at him in meet and greets, he certainly isn’t one to have those adoring fan clubs that follow his every move, posting about his greatest conquests. Oh no, he is a hero that works in dingy jobs with filthy manipulative men in black markets and the human trafficking industry, undercover -lie through your teeth throughout the whole ordeal- kind of hero, the kind of hero that goes home at the end of his missions with no gratitude towards his work, because nobody knows who he is or what he contributes to the society.

For the longest time, Shinso accepted the life he’s living, he didn’t look for validation from the citizens, knowing his work is always beyond the scope of their knowledge and their awareness, but sometimes, just sometimes, the sour droplets of envy would foul his mouth when his amethysts for eyes scan over the extravagant heroes, making a show out of saving their cities and getting praised and awarded and loved for doing what they’re supposed to be doing, their job. 

“Squeeze that glass a bit more and you’d break it”

A voice just like silk, weaving around him and entrancing him, Shinso blinked twice before his eyes dragged over to you, oh so beautiful and oh so close. Your nimble fingers wrapped around his fingers, the lacey glove lightly scratches his hand before he lets go of the glass in surprise, dropping it into yours. You giggle sweetly, turning around to place it on the bar before ordering your own, but not without looking at him over your shoulder and sending him a smile.

“What will it be, sugar tits?” the bartender leans over the counter, towel thrown on his shoulder as he sends you what's supposed to be a sultry look. Your elbow is placed on the counter while you rest your chin on your hand, smiling temptingly at him. “Anything that’ll get you to stop staring at my boobs.” Shinso almost laughs at the contrast between your smile and your voice, sharp and venomous, and the man leans back so far from you like he’s been stung. Walking away to work on a drink for you.

Shinso’s eyes rake your body without his knowledge, he admires the dress adorning your body, hugging you in all the right places, cascading down to the floor, and that slit my god, your legs looking endless in those heels he wonders how you can strut so elegantly with them on. A snap of your fingers breaks his trance and he tries - keyword tries - to act nonchalant to his obvious ogling and you only laugh in return.

You hum lowly, “So,” you’re turning to face him as you lean back on the counter, pushing your chest out to grasp even more of his attention, “what's an esteemed hero like you doing in a place like this?” It takes Shinso a good minute before he narrows his eyes, left foot back and ready to either take you down or run away if you were to involve greater forces. No one is supposed to know about his true identity, no one is supposed to know that there is a hero within them.

But what shakes his demeanor is the way you dangle his wallet in front of him, like dangling a stupid feather for some silly cat, waiting for it to jump at you to entertain you. Shinso swallows with a struggle, deciding that using his quirk to retrieve his wallet back will lead to him leaving, and he didn’t want that. He’s been keeping an eye on the wanted man for hours now, and it’ll all go to waste because of your slimy little hands and your-

“Here,” you toss it back to him, and he stumbles a bit before catching it properly, eyeing you for any sudden movements, but you simply turn back around in time to hold the drink from the bartender’s hand with a smile dazzling your lips. “You’re getting intel on The Wise?” you mumble against your cup, sipping slowly, eyes never leaving Shinso’s glaring ones. How the fuck do you know?

“You’re not the first.” you smirk, finger wiping the smeared lipstick against the glass before circling the rim. “You all look the same, thinking you’re better than them because of your position in the society, only for that ego to come and bite you right in the ass.” It’s almost ironic how poisonous your voice could get while still maintaining that mesmerizing smile, and oddly enough, Shinso’s eyes keep drooping despite his desperate attempt to fight against them.

You hum again, the click of your heels sounding muffled to him, eyes blurring when you get so close to him your breath tickles his cheek. “But you’re different, hmm? You’re gonna make the bad guy go away?” 

“Yes.” it's rushed, almost desperate, and the hero is astonished at how he sounds. “Then, lemme help you… Hitoshi.”

A blink, and you’re gone just like you vanished right from under his nose, slipped right between his fingers. A low curse escapes Shinso’s lips and he turns around swiftly to question the bartender, hell bent on getting any information on the girl that just revealed his entire identity and mission to him in a matter of seconds. 

“How can I help you, sir?” the question boggles his mind, the big burly man with an attitude problem wasn’t there anymore, replaced by another sweet woman that held concern in her eyes at his sight. “You’ve been staring at the wall for a while there, need me to call your driver to get you back?” 

“Wa- but I- She,” Shinso’s body started heating up in anger, worry, embarrassment, he doesn’t really know, but what he wants to know right this instant is how long he’s been out of it and for god’s sake, why?

Shinso doesn’t really consider himself to be the sharpest tool in the shed, but dammit did he feel like a complete idiot letting you run off like that, a quick trip to the restroom for a splash of water clears his head enough for him to pull back his wallet from his pocket, flipping through it and finding something he was absolutely sure wasn’t there prior to your visit. A silver card, with ‘Surveillance room’ scribbled on a note behind it.

Caving in and accepting whatever help you were offering him, Shinso slides the card through the reader, sighing in relief upon the satisfying ding sound, followed by the door opening to the surveillance room.

“Now that’s what’m talking about.” life got so much easier now that he could watch The Wise through multiple screens, making it hard to miss a single move of his. The hero allows himself to relax a bit, hand messing with his hair and tired eyes blinking in irritation against the glare of the screens. The Wise was the mastermind of Organization XIII, as their name intel, they’re consisting of the same thirteen members that founded it years ago, nobody really knows how they started, what shocked the whole world is how grand their first crime actually was, bloodbath of the century -they would call it, seventeen slaughtered heroes, followed by their families, including women and children, thousands of millions of ¥ in money laundering atop of it, all within a span of 4 months, that was years ago, back in their prime.

Now, with eight of them behind bars, the remaining five were able to stay under the radar, distributing whatever money they were able to keep between them and fleeing to different parts of the world. Just because they were apart, didn’t mean they were any less dangerous, The Wise is a prime example for that, brutally murdering three of the undercover heroes sent his way to bring him back to justice, but they weren’t Shinso, he’d try to remind himself.

May their soul rest in peace, they were those heroes he felt dissociated from, the type of heroes to flaunt their powers, monetize the peoples’ knowledge of their quirks, uncover the secrets of their job, they were easy targets for people like The Wise, he’d know their weaknesses and how to take them down before they even think about pursuing him. Now, Mindjack was a different story, he wasn’t held on a pedestal by the people he saves, simply because they don’t recognize him, while he would loath that reality sometimes, he thanks the god for it today, as he’s watching the man’s call out for a drink.

Amethyst eyes scan the remaining screens, widening upon the sight of you looking right back at them, you are a vixen to him, eyes half lidded with a smile so intoxicating it does nothing but entrance whoever was lucky enough to catch its sight. Lace clad fingers wrapping around a piece of paper, you are so beautiful, Shinso tries to stop his mind from wandering, imagining what you wore underneath that angel crafted dress, envisioning what those fingers could do to please him, the same fingers that held the unfolded paper, the word ‘RUN’ smeared across it in lipstick.

Wait a minute, run?

Even before the poor hero could react, the similar satisfying -now dreadful- ding rings in his ear, before the door opens behind him, illuminating the room even more. Shinso stands to face two men, both as surprised as he is to see another occupant in the room. Right before any of them move, the hero opens his mouth and prays to god that whatever way he’s winging it works. “You got a permit to be here?”

Jesus one of you answer, and they both do - the left having fingers curving into talons while the right pulled at strings from the tips of his fingers, both ready to attack - and by god Shinso couldn’t be happier upon hearing a sound, because the minute the word ‘yes’ slips through their lips, Mindjack is smiling like a madman, welcoming the look of glossy eyes and heavy heads like a beloved relative’s return back home. 

“Great… Now,” the two manipulated  men face him, unaware of the dreaded fate bestowed upon them, while Shinso just can’t seem to keep the glint in his eyes at bay. “Why don’t you put on a show for me,” he breathes, smiling down at the ground before looking at them. ”Choke the fucking life out of each other.” The men don’t even blink, quick to face each other and jump, hands wrapped around throats like a vice, Shinso only moves away from the men on the floor as they thrash and kick at each other, limbs flailing as they try to force the life out of each other.

Turning his back against them, Shinso eyes the screen he was monitoring before their entrance, ignoring the groans and gasps of air behind him. He curses under his breath when he sees The Wise getting up from his place, heading towards a room that is supposed to be monitored by screen #6, but is purposely out of service. If he isn’t able to question The Wise or even keep an eye on him, then he’s gonna head on over to the next best thing. Gargled screams echo through the corridor as the hero makes his exit, making sure the door clicks shut behind him, he wouldn’t want to cause disturbance to the esteemed guests of the society of lowlifes.

Mindjack works in dingy jobs with filthy manipulative men in black markets and the human trafficking industry, killing machines that didn’t spare the live of the innocents, so why should he spare theirs? 

Shinso makes it back to the main event, immediately finding you between guests, sitting so pretty on the poker table, eyes drawing him closer, the grin adorning your lips now wobbly, easy for him to distinguish as fake, forced, a façade kept for the people surrounding the table. He is hasteful in settling himself in the chair near you, shoulders tense when different pairs of eyes fall upon him, the dealer shuffles the deck to draw cards for Shinso, but you hold your hand out with a smile. “He’ll sit this one out, by my lucky onlooker.” A round of laughter causes Shinso to flush in embarrassment, feeling degraded and looked down upon by all these lowlifes, petty thieves and criminals, thinking they’re better than him, oh he’ll show them.(1)

It takes a few rounds for the table to empty out, now occupied by Shinso and yourself, the dealer asks him to move over to the next chair before they start their game. “Place your bets.” you’re quick to slide over a few of your chips to his side - some black, others red and blue, he didn’t really pay that much attention to them- your eyes daring him to reject your invitation to take the money to play.

He only blinks at you, his eyes seemingly never wanting to lose sight of you as he fights with himself to sit straight to face the dealer again, the man proceeds to deal both of you the cards for you to review before placing your bets. “You tricked me.” Shinso is almost appalled at the hurt laced in his voice, as if the two of you had a bond that was never meant to be broken. “don’t believe so, told you to run didn’ I?” The mockery in your voice is a hoax, the single twitch in your brow catches his attention and he can only deem it as you being stressed, whether it be because of the ordeal regarding the surveillance room or not is beyond him. No, he was stupid and foolish and he will not fall for your silly games again. “Exactly, you knew they were coming.” you hum in response to his accusation.

“Call.” Dropping a few of your chips on the table, your eyes shift momentarily to him, “I did, I said I’d help you and here I am.” He slams his bet on the table, ‘Raise’ gritted right through his teeth at your words. “I don’t want your help!” He reveals his cards on the table, a way to show his disinterest in your assistance as the dealer announces ‘Flush’ at his hand. Your eyes meet again from above your cards, now narrowing down instead of the half lidded look you seem to always have “You don’t want it, but you need it.” The façade you held before is slowly but surely breaking, now a deep frown tugging at your lip as you reveal your own hand, brows furrowing even further in challenge as you hum in displeasure when the dealer announces your ‘Full House’ hand to be the winner of this round.(2)

Shinso moves swiftly to stand when he sees you do the same, right before his entire world starts to spin, lights and colors mingling together and causing his head to spin, he sits down again, head between his hands as he tries to calm himself down, it's probably the strain of the mission, maybe it’s the weight bestowed upon his shoulders to finish it up. The hero lifts his head up to ask you, about something he himself isn’t even sure of, he just wants to hear your voice, like a drug to him that he can’t help but ask for more. Except when he does, you aren’t there, the table is occupied by different people, the dealer is another man with longer hair and slimmer figure, and by god did Shinso want to rip his hair out.

The minute he feels like he could get back on his own to feet without falling down on his ass, Hitoshi is quick to check his pockets, adamant to find a clue your sneaky hands slid into one of his pockets while he was out, despite the tantrum he almost threw at not wanting your help nor guidance, and he does find something, a simple metal key, attached to it was a tag with the number XIII on it. 

In his shock, he almost drops the key on the ground but barely holds himself together to avoid any further embarrassment, Shinso takes deep breaths, knowing that the key in his possession is his entry to the heart of the organization, and especially to The Wise. 

Every year, specifically at the Vice City annual auction afterparty, The Wise holds a meeting with the most dangerous men within the continent, the most loathsome masterminds of the criminal world, all in the hopes of recruiting one of them into the organization, to uphold its name and spread its message. Every year, with no recruitment yet. 

With trembling hands, Shinso stuffs the key back into his pocket, eyes on the lookout for anyone who might’ve caught the key in his hand, but sighs in relief when he sees some engrossed in their meaningless poker and absurd talks, while the majority have made their way to the next hall over for the auction that is being held. He takes the stairs three at a time up the floors, facing a red oak double door, the same forsaken number engraved into it. After multiple failed attempts at inserting the key in the lock, he finally does with a huff, hearing the lock echoing in his ears before pushing the door open.

To be honest, Shinso didn’t know what he was expecting to see on the other side of the door, he thought maybe he’d watch weaponry trade off, perhaps people brawling and fighting amongst each other for the title of being the new members. But he certainly didn’t expect to be engulfed in jazz music, men with their cigars laughing and chatting, without a single care in the world, as if their hands weren’t tainted with the blood of the innocents, oh how he loathed them. In an attempt to fit in, he grabs a glass of whiskey from the butler standing by the door, nodding to him in thanks before moseying his way over to the corner in the room, he’d be damned if he got caught in the crossfire of those lunatics.

A stage is set up in the front of the room, and it takes a second for him to acknowledge the pole placed right at its center, it takes him another few seconds to see the beauty dancing on that pole, Shinso’s eyes rake her body without his knowledge, he admires the lingerie adorning her body, hugging her in all the right places, garter snug against her thighs as she twirls, her legs looking endless in those heels he wonders how she can dance so elegantly with them on… wait a minute. 

As if predicting the minute he realized it was you, you twirl to face him, lips pulled into a smile yet again, a giggle interrupting your humming as your body twists and turns on the pole. Shinso isn’t really sure how long he sits there captivated by your body, the only thing breaking his trance is the clap on his back and the heavy weight that sits next to him. “Beauty, isn’t she?”

Bile rises to Shinso’s throat at the mere sound of the person next to him, fear stills him in his place, restricting any movement he’s even thinking of doing, all he could do is sit, widened eyes and sweaty brows at the sight of The Wise right beside him. 

“Don’cha love it when women like her,” The Wise points at you with his cigar, “work to please men like us?” His arm now completely wrapped around Shinso’s shoulder as the hero feels his soul levitating from his body. “Look aroun’ya,” and he does, and only then does he really pay attention, he should’ve seen it all along, the glossy eyes, the droopy heads, it's a sight he was so well accustomed to that his brain normalized it to him. With whatever courage he musters up, he shifts his eyes to look at the man beside him, noticing the ear plugs he wore, and right then the gears start to turn in his head. “My most prized possession I tell’ya.” 

Of course you would be, how else would you have access to all these things, the card, the key, the vanishing from thin air, it all makes sense now.

“Enjoying yourselves, gentlemen?” your words are flowing like honey to his ears, a low buzz ringing in his brain as you spoke to the men in front of you. His ability to frown is nonexistent, a relaxed look adorning his face as he looks up at you, so elegant and beautiful in whatever hugged that miracle of a body.

“Sure are,” The Wise jerks Shinso by the shoulder, and he realizes that was done to break whatever trance he was in, he could only glare back at you when you smile at them, that conniving smile that hosted all the lies you spouted to him.

“y/n,” He calls you and by God if this isn’t the most beautiful name Shinso ever hears, what a shame it's being tainted by the voice of this criminal. “Wadda ya say to takin’ this fine boy to the red room, hm?” The man urges him to stand and take your hand, which he did at the blink of an eye, his body moving on it’s own to graze his lips against your knuckles in a breathless kiss. “Treat’m real nice for me.” The hero’s feet take him to follow you, his steps light, like walking on clouds, the sway of your hips pulling him closer to you until his chest is flush against your back, pushing you to move faster into the room you are pointed towards.

Walking aimlessly through hallways, taking lefts and rights he would never be able to recollect in his current state, you both enter a room, red just like The Wise called it, crimson silk sheets fitted on a king sized bed, maroon loveseats and plush carpets, everything in that red hue that it's almost nauseating. 

Bringing your hands in a loud clap, the fogginess in Shinso’s vision dissolves, your creased brows and frown now more prominent to him than ever, his eyes catch the scar trailing from the back of your neck to your cleavage, confused as to why his usual perceptive self would miss it, but then again, he doesn’t feel like he was ever himself throughout this whole ordeal.

To say he was furious is an understatement, he never felt more played in his life, he is Mindjack, the most conniving hero of all of Japan, he was manipulative and sly , known by his people to get jobs done, no matter who his opponent is, he always comes back victorious. And when his ears pick up your sigh of relief, he could only see red, he is hurt, he is scared, but now its his act, his turn to fuck shit up, he wants to hurt, he wants to scare.

“Fuckin’ lying bitch,” It takes him all but two steps for his body to graze yours, tantalizing eyes boring down into yours as you gasp at the close proximity, “you were workin’ with’em this entire fuckin’ time?”

“N-no that’s not it,” you stutter, flustered at his overwhelming presence, trying to put some distance between you and the fuming man by pushing his chest, “Please, I need you to listen to me.” 

“Oh, now you’re beggin’ hmm?” his firm warm hands circle your wrists, tugging them away from his body and using them to pull you even closer to him, his breath now grazing the tops of your cheeks, “Didn’t your boss tell you to treat me right?” he breathes, “well, get to it, slut.”

“That’s not what this is Hitoshi, just listen-” for the love of all that’s pure in this world, why does the sound of his name exceed his perception of how happiness is supposed to reverberate in his ear? “Keep my name outta your mouth, or I swear,” He hisses at you, the grip on your wrists tightening as you whimper out in pain. 

“You think you can just toy with me? Have me running around and following your orders like a lil bitch!?” He sees you trembling, lips wobbly and in tears, how ironic, he doesn’t know a few words would get you to start tearing up, the change in demeanor from when he first met you confuses him for a second, but only a second, because he’ll be damned if he falls for any of your tricks anymore. “N-no, I swear it isn’t like that, just p-please, please c-calm down! Let me explain myself-” the ugly cackle he lets out shuts you up, teary eyes widening as they fall on his, the aura he’s radiating is terrifying to say the least, your knees shaking in dread at what’s about to fold.

“You think you can play my game and win?”

It takes you a minute to answer, the word no echoing in your head, throbbing in your brain so painfully you forget the words that follow it, but what you can’t forget, what you will never forget, no matter how delirious you feel, is the look of pure sin across Shinso’s face, grin rivaling that of the Cheshire cat, because you were now simply a measly little pawn in his game. 

Mindjack works in dingy jobs with filthy manipulative men in black markets and the human trafficking industry, criminals that broke every law in their way to get what they desire, so why couldn’t he indulge even a little himself? 

He lets go of your wrists, watching as your arms sway next to your body like dead weight before he turns around to flop down on the loveseat, legs spread wide as he waves his hand over to you.

“Waddaya waitin’ for,” he knows you can’t answer him, but it feels so fucking good to hold such power over you after all you’ve put him through. “Now, strip.” the surge of power he feels jolts his dick up in excitement as he watches you take off your lingerie, moves robotic and forced, eyes glazed over both with tears and his control over your dumb little brain. Hitoshi is no villain, he is a respectable hero, but he’s been called that all his childhood, he might as well live up to that expectation, one way or another.

Shinso stands when you’re fully naked in front of him, long legs circling you and taking you all in, the back of his hand grazes your nipple and he all but groans as it pebbles at his touch. But god, he was nowhere near being done with you.

“Spread your legs for me on that bed,” he grins at the way you follow his orders even before he asks, “will ya?” you settle yourself on the bed before slowly dropping your weight on your back, hazy eyes staring up into the ceiling as your arms bring themselves down to circle the back of your knees, pulling them up close to your chest to expose yourself to him. 

Shinso’s cock twitches in his pants again at the opportunity to just seath it into you without any warning, but he barely holds himself back, approaching your body and feeling himself salivating at the sight, what a sight it is, your pussy looking so fucking beautiful clenching over nothing, the sight tempting him to just dive his face right in to get a taste of your juices.

Taking off his suit jacket and rolling the sleeves of his shirt, Shinso presses his thumb to your clit, frowning when he notices how dry you are, of course you would be, he chuckles to no one, puckering his lip to spit right at the nub, watching it trail down to your clenching hole, the sight igniting a flame within him, he does it again, simply to watch your spit hide in your cunt, impatient to follow suit and bury himself in there. 

His thumb is quick to draw circles with your clit, needing for your orgasm to wash over you quickly, eager for the things he’d do to you after he preps you enough to take him. The usual comforting silence is thick between you, no moans escaping your ajar mouth as your arousal seeps out of your pussy, he prods your hole with his finger to collect your nectar, smearing it across your clit again to rub even faster against it.

The only indication of you coming undone is when your thighs start to shake, your body curling in on itself as your back arches, your cunt gushing on his fingers, and Shinso is almost disappointed to not hear you moan out his name in pleasure. But he isn’t that disheartened, he’s bound to hear you scream.

You on the other hand, are petrified at the way your body is being handled, feeling yourself looking down at the horror being folded in front of you, this isn’t you, this is a shell of who you are, wrapped around his finger, at his mercy, and you want out, no matter the cost. But, you are to regret these words, because you see him unbuckling his belt, you hear the zipper drilling in your ear, and you watch him lay atop you, feeling your lungs constrict at the weight settling upon it, and to your utmost terror, the only thing that breaks his bind on you is when you feel his warm head prodding at your entrance, right before seething completely in, your throat prickling when you wail hoarsely in pain at feeling like being split into two.

“No, nonononon, st-stop please, please!” You’re crying, legs thrashing and arms flailing trying to push this monster off of you, but you can’t, you think as your walls pulsate in pain at the intrusion, you’ll never be able to with him placing his entire weight on you like that, and the way he pulls out before impaling you again has you seeing stars in the worst way possible. Desperate for an escape, you grab a chuck of his hair, your nails digging into his scalp before you yank, your jaw throbbing at how tight you clench your teeth in pain and disgust and pure panic. The strength you muster to pull his head up is in vain, because it only jerks his face deeper into your neck, right where your scar trails, and he bites, so hard you’re certain it draws blood. 

Only then does he lift his head up, his upper lip smeared with a smidge of blood, your blood, before he spits right into your mouth. Sick to your stomach at the metallic taste invading your taste buds, you spit right up at him, mindless to the debris falling right back at your face, your mascara running down your cheeks as you sneer up at him. Even as he laughs teasingly at you.

“Don’t worry slut,” He rasps, his nose brushing against yours as his thrusts find a pace, pulling out to the tip before pushing himself fully inside, “It’ll feel good in a minute.” and it does, he feels more of your arousal coating his cock as he snaps his hips against yours, your wails and whimpers slowly yet surely are coated more with lust as you moan out his name. “See tha’, almost too easy…” almost too good to be true.

And it is, because when his eyes struggle to find yours, he is reminded by the feeling that overtook him this entire evening, and when he sees the corner of your lips pull lightly does he want to rip your head right out, but the minute he moves his hand, he is overwhelmed by how wobbly he feels, how your face distorts and misshapes before he is met with the sight of the ceiling, the sight you grew accustomed to when he was taking advantage of your unconsciousness. 

He groans when he feels you impaling yourself on his cock, pussy clenching so tight as you bop yourself up and down his shaft, your tits bouncing with you as he looks up at you, so mesmerized and entranced by your beauty all he does is hold your hips, helping you lift yourself up before dropping you on him, the squelching sound that follows it music to his ears.

You plant your hands against his chest, hips rolling as you pant at his lips, both of you so drunk on the feeling of each other and chasing your highs, “You gonna listen to me, when I ask you to?” His hand claps against your ass at your question, “Yes, yes oh God, anythin’ just don’t stop.” He can’t help but want more of you, want to feel his cock push against you even further, so he plants his feet firm against the bed, hand grabbing handfuls of your ass as he starts thrusting up at you, moaning against your neck when he shoots ropes of his cum inside of your sopping cunt, squeezing him so tight and milking him, and all of what Shinso remembers is the way you arch your back, pressing your chest against his as your whimper out his name, as he feels your juices dripping against his balls and down on the sheets beneath you. After that, all he could see was black.

Shinso awakes startled, eyes darting in alarm before he relaxes when he confirms he’s alone, the red silky sheets now draped over his lower body, pooling at his lap when he sits up to look around once more, desperate for any sign of you. Yet he only sees a brown folder on top of the love seat, impressively thick with the amount of papers stacked inside it, and when Shinso reaches for it, he catches the note that slipped off and draped down on the floor, reading it and scowling at it. ‘You promised you’d listen’

And boy is he more than lucky to listen to you when you asked him to. Because that folder has every tiny little detail he needs to know about The Wise, from the quirks of his circulating bodyguards to the keys to his multiple homes within the world. Pictures upon pictures of the man, decoded letters and basically intel on his entire criminal record.

Fucking finally, Shinso gets to just go home no that everything’s over and done with.

Limited Edition Sneak Peek:

It is way too early for Shinso, the sun glaring at him as he makes his way into the agency, the honking cars and chattering people feeding into his migraine so early in the morning, and he groans as he pushes his door open, ready to get back to his regular routine after the incident at Vice City.

It hasn’t been even a week, but it sure was eventful, using the folder you left him, Mindjack was able to capture The Wise the very next day, via the map of the routes he takes that was attached in the folder. They were able to ambush him, easily being able to bring the right heroes for the job to overcome the quirks of both his workers and himself. Now the mastermind of Organization XIII was behind bars, making the job of catching the remaining members now much easier.

It almost felt like child’s play, at least, that’s what the heroes made it out to be, flexing their powers and their potential, when they were well aware that all their efforts would’ve been in vain if you and your folder weren't there to aid them in every step.

To say that guilt ate him up is an understatement, he feels himself decaying from the inside out from resentment, he figures he spent too much time in the dark, that it started to mess with him, manipulate him, carve him into someone he isn’t, someone that isn’t fit to be a hero. He feels like was walking into a tunnel with no way out, engulfed and trapped in pure merciless darkness, that ate away at his soul every step he took further in.

Shinso trudges up the stairs with a heavy heart, the dread at what he did to you, especially that your intent to help him didn’t waver despite his actions loomed over him, and he couldn’t remember the last time he felt like he didn’t deserve the life that he’s living in right now. 

Yet, the saying ‘there's a light at the end of the tunnel’ rings in his ear, the minute he opens up the door to his office, eyes widening at the sight before him, smile so dazzlingly sweet, a voice just like silk, weaving around him and entrancing him as the words captivated him despite their simplicity.

“Missed me, Hitoshi?”

(1) its common in poker for women to be onlookers, like the wives of the players for example, the jab at him being an onlooker is basically just a sexist joke to make the people around the table laugh to ease their mind.

(2) to help gain more perspective about the poker scene you can read the elaboration here

Aaaand more about the reader’s quirk here!

Hope you enjoyed! Also, PLEASE if you could theorize with me after reading the fic I’d love you forever, ask me about the reader’s quirk, ask me about some hidden meanings between the scenes JUST ANYTHING. MWAH

Borrowers (taglist):

@hanji-is-life @anarchicmartyr @sleepykyan @yourprincess-maybe @wolfygirl1900 @tteokdoroki​

@theehoneybunii @nanamisbento​ (not sure if you wanted to be tagged for bakuhoe only of all my fics, so sorry if its the former!)

if you want to be tagged with for any of my fics let me know ♡

[ofchrysoprase]

He had to fight hard, very hard, against his instincts in this particular moment. It was ten years of experience, knowing Duckie and his aversion to any attempts at coddling their parents had mistakenly made. Hoseok wasn't a physical person, per se — he very much valued his personal space and was not comfortable with random people touching him. His mother hadn't had a habit of holding him ever since he was old enough to walk and so he would still tense up whenever someone tried to hug him. It was foreign and it felt like a trap.

There were exceptions he'd had to make. Jiwon was a very clingy person and so his best friend was probably one of the few people he regularly allowed in his comfort zone. The other people? Probably just his adoptive parents, purely to benefit them and not himself.

Still, he couldn't help the urge inside of him to do something, anything, to physically provide comfort. He wasn't stupid, he could tell that Duckie was in the middle of hatching an escape plan and who could blame him, really? Hospitals were uncomfortable, no matter how hard the personnel tried to make things as accommodating as possible. Hoseok didn't envy their work, having to deal with all sorts of crazy emergencies, especially in a town where multiple killers roamed freely.

He winced when Duckie confirmed the broken arm and then provided the added information that his ribs were also broken. Jesus. Hoseok couldn't imagine how fucking painful that had to be, even while on painkillers. He had never broken a bone in his life, nor did he want to know what it felt like. But he was positive that Duckie felt nothing short of broken, at least from a physical point of view, if not also mentally.

He could feel his heart hurting when Duckie spoke again, this time asking him to take him home. Even if it hadn't been for the eternity it had taken him to get to the hospital through the results of the blizzard, he knew very well that he wouldn't be able to provide the medical care that Duckie required right now. "I understand," He started, trying to keep his voice as levelled as possible, despite all of the emotions that threatened to alter it. "I mean, I know being here sucks. When I was in the hospital, before we met, I also just wanted to go home. That was all I wanted." He tried to empathize, though he doubted that it was what Duckie was looking for. His brother likely didn't give a fuck about stories from the past right now, after everything he had just been through.

"There's still a blizzard outside," He then carefully added, though it wasn't even relevant right now. "Is it okay if I stay here with you? It's going to be hard to get home." He bit down into his bottom lip, anxious eyes locking with Duckie's. He didn't want to show how much he worried, didn't want to ruin their mutual silent agreement to stay out of each other's business and peacefully exist alongside each other, without any questions asked or any demands for displays of affection.

Hoseok then took a deep breath, averting his eyes for a moment as he braced himself for the reaction he was about to evoke. "I know you probably don't want to hear or even believe this. But you're safe here and I'm not going anywhere. We don't have to talk, I can even sit outside if you want me to. But what you went through... Nobody should have to. And I know those words are fucking cliché and make me sound like your average therapist, but I also know how sometimes it's important to hear it." He paused, hesitated. "I brought some books, if you'd like me to read to you or... we could just mindlessly watch shitty tv. Whatever you need."

duckie had found himself in terrible situations before ; his experience at the mall wasn't the first time he had suffered great harm , or endured severe trauma . that being the case , however , did nothing to help duckie through what had happened . something about the attack , and particularly the aftermath of it , felt so different . he couldn't even begin to properly process all that had happened , and all that he felt about it . it was far too soon , and far too much had happened that duckie's mind couldn't yet allow him to properly unpack , but even so , there was no escaping what had happened to him .

as he sat in the hospital bed , he was fortunate to be on such strong medication . the painkillers that altered his state and his mind helped not only the physical pain , but the mental pain , too . though he was still in great amounts of pain - both physically and mentally - his current state helped him to not do anything dumb , like trying to flee from the hospital far before he should . but even as duckie was slightly woozy , feeling completely out of it , battling with repetitive and muddled up thoughts and memories of the horrors endured , he was himself enough to already be conscious of too much .

duckie knew that he didn't want to be there , he was aware enough to feel trapped and out of control , stuck and horrifically vulnerable . as he battled the feeling , flashes of memories from the attack overwhelmed him with discomfort and unease . perhaps the worst feeling in the world for duckie was vulnerability , but he had been forced to be his most vulnerable during the attack , and in an attempt to regain power , he had ended up lying unconscious in the snow on the roof of the mall ... as he thought about the last moments of the attack that he could remember , he shivered . despite being safely inside of the hospital , duckie still felt cold .

he was really struggling to come to terms with the position he was forced into in the attack , and the position that he was stuck in now . stuck . that really was one of the strongest feelings duckie felt right now , and it was horrendous . as much as duckie hated vulnerability , he needed control , and to be stuck without a single ounce of control , it was more than distressing . the more his medication began to wear off , the harder it was for duckie to just sit there . slowly but surely he began working himself up more and more .

when hoseok walked in , suddenly and unexpectedly , duckie had been trying his hardest to manoeuvre his body into a position where he could rip his iv out . with broken ribs , severe bruising , cuts and stitches all over his body , and his dominant arm broken , it was almost impossible to move anywhere near a position in which he could do so . he had his good arm lifted as high as it could go - which wasn't very - and his head bowed down as far as it could go - again , not very - but he couldn't grab the iv or even any of the tubing to pull it out with his teeth as planned . he swiftly gave up upon seeing hoseok ; he didn't need him alerting the nurses that he was a risk to himself , or a potential run away patient - not that leaving felt possible after the miserable attempt to even just move a little .

he didn't want hoseok to be there . it wasn't that duckie didn't care for his brother - though honestly , duckie struggled to care for anyone - it was all just too much . duckie was combative in response to care , and with ability to be combative stripped from him , it was something else that added to that dreaded feeling of vulnerability . he began feeling nauseous , his body's natural response to his fight or flight mode that had been activated since the very beginning of the attack . at least in the state he was in , he struggled to show any signs of not wanting his brother there .

he couldn't find the words to respond to his brother at first , and it was strange , for duckie to be the silent one . he swallowed thickly , and the action was enough to hurt him ; he looked up to meet hoseok's eyes only once , before looking away . he felt deep shame , for being in such a vulnerable position , and for being unable to pull himself out of it . when hoseok spoke again , duckie finally did respond , though his voice was quieter and raspier than usual due to his injuries . " one of them broke my arm . " he confirmed . " not before another one broke my ribs . " perhaps the worst of his pain right now , as no inch of him could move without his breathing feeling restricted and his chest feeling beaten in all over again .

he had the nagging feeling that he should say more , say something else , but he couldn't conjure the ability to all on his own . what else could he say ? his mind wasn't forgiving , it wouldn't allow him to think of something to say that wasn't directly about the elephant in the room , but to speak too much of the attack only risked him describing how weak and how compromised he was . it was a disgusting feeling , to be so uncomfortable , and duckie was working himself up all over again . " can you take me home ? i don't need to be here . " he lied , though not with the intention of lying , as part of duckie truly believed that he didn't need to be there , that he would fare just as well on his own , at home .

[sagigirlie]

astrology placements that really come out in people I know

I’m gonna add more in the coming days

Leo

☀️ Someone from my family, who is a Leo sun, told a story about when she was at work and someone asked what’s the thing they’re proud of the most, everyone answered that they’re proud of their family- children, grandchildren and where they are at life, but she decided to answer that she’s the most proud of herself for being able to raise all of them & work and do it all together. If that’s not a Leo Idk what is lol. gotta respect them for the self love tho. Also she and her husband r both Leos and they absolutely love the good life and expensive things & brands.

☀️ A friend I had was a Leo Venus and she would always dress revealingly and liked showing off her body everywhere. She would literally hang bikini photos of her at her office for everyone to see like wtf. Also very much of a boy crazy. Loves parties, going out and mingling with people with high statues. She also always attracted people with money and/or fame. She was quit obsessed with money tbh. Very much known in the social scene. She likes showing off her partner on social media. Also I think underdeveloped leo placements can like looking good so that they feel that others accept them more, whether they notice it or not.

Aries

☄️ A friend I had that had moon & mars in Aries would always pick fights with her boyfriend just for the sake of it out of boredom & would cry and make drama for no reason every fucking time. Literally getting mad at him for having ex girlfriends and screaming bc she was jealous and couldn’t think about it lmao weirdest shit. She also always was arguing and getting mad at her mom (Aries moon). Could be very self absorbed too.

☄️ Also my bro is an Aries with Aries Venus, his gf has Aries Venus & moon too, they have such big fights screaming and cursing and so fucking much drama just to act like nothing fucking happened 5 minutes later. I’m not even kidding. He seems selfish & bossy with her too sometimes. Sorry but that’s Aries for ya🤷🏼‍♀️

☄️ Another friend of mine when I was younger, who was an Aries sun, was such a fucking bully but in a passive aggressive way. Created so much drama in the friend group ALWAYS and mostly out of envy, competitiveness and/or boredom. She would literally befriend someone to then talk shit about them behind their back and then boycott them. Literally devil in human body lmao srry not srry

☄️ My cousin is an Aries too and he gets so fucking mad so damn quick. It’s like they’re just looking for a fight 24/7. They can’t live without it. Sooo impolsive

Taurus

🎀 One of my best friends who’s a Taurus sun, moon & Venus, once said something like “I don’t understand why would u leave someone after you’ve already gotten used to them. I mean why leave something that’s already good and is working and risk what u already have for someone else” also she said she wanted someone who is rich or has a rich family cause she doesn’t wanna worry in the future & she wants that security (she already comes from a rich family just for reference lmao). She’s also very stubborn when she wants. Likes doing things her own way.

🎀 Another girl I knew with Taurus sun & venus, who was one of the popular kids in school (Taurus girls can usually be popular) was a serial dater. She was lowkey boy crazy but still managed to always look elegant. Would kinda talk a lot about boys & sex related stuff and always wanted to look good near them, even if they were just her guy friends. Was always attracted to the physically beautiful ones, and every boyfriend she had that I know of, came from a family with money. She also used to sew her own bathing suit lol. Very creative.

Virgo

🧜🏼‍♀️ My cousin’s a Virgo sun & mars, she’s a workaholic, literally from such a young age. Very diligent and ambitious.

🧜🏼‍♀️ My mom is also a Virgo moon (and sag/cap cusp) and she’s such a workaholic also from a young age. Very hard worker & also very intelligent even though she never went to uni. Both of them can be very clean and neat, it’s very important to them. My mom & I have so many fights bc of my messiness and how much it bothers her. that’s a Gemini moon vs Virgo moon relationship for u.

🧜🏼‍♀️ A guy with Virgo sun was a walking OCD case. Couldn’t deal with messiness and things not being perfectly clean at his house. Literally would check to see if a girl he would hang out with washed his dishes and organized his bed just to check if they’re neat and clean enough for him lmao wtf. (Didn’t know him personally but he was in a doc show so u could see it all happening haha such a Virgo I can’t )

Capricorn

💸 My mom, aunt & uncle are all Capricorn’s and they’re all such hard workers. Working nonstop from young age.

💸 Another kid I knew who’s a Capricorn worked from a young age and was promoted to be a shift manager at a restaurant when he was just a teenager. They’re very good at managing and can be very mature & focused. They’re working for that money honey

💸 Another girl I know that’s always focused on working and saving money for the future is a Capricorn mars. Very mature.

Capricorn moon

⚠️ Trigger warning

I’ve noticed this placement particularly can actually lead to a missing father or parental figure somehow. Whether bc the father wasn’t present in their life a lot or at all, or died when they were young or the parents couldn’t really raise the child so the child had to grow up fast and raise themselves or was the older sibling so they had to raise/take care of their siblings too somehow. Or also needing to work & provide for the fam from a young age or having to be in an adult environment. Just big responsibilities from childhood overall. I’ve seen it in some celebs that had to work from a young age to help provide bc of a missing dad or were just pushed to it somehow. I’ve seen it with someone close to me too. I appreciate this placement a lot bc of it.

cancer

🦀 I had a friend that was a cancer sun & mars (with Pisces moon). (She was the Leo venus one I talked about btw) . Came to find out she was quit jealous & competitive with me for no reason. She had lots of insecurities buried deep down. Cancer don’t like showing it. At some point she started acting not cool anymore , using me for only when she needed me & stuff. So I decided to confront her and tell her off by saying she really hasn’t been acting like herself with me and that it’s not cool basically. She got so butthurt from that, choosing to put herself as the victim and apparently see me as the villain , so she just cut off ties with me without trying to put her ego aside for one second and see where she was wrong. Tried to contact her after that, without mentioning anything about what happened. obviously she didn’t confront me about it, just tried to play nice by agreeing to answer my texts and then basically vanished lol. Cancer placements can actually have a lot of ego , are passive aggressive and can be envious & manipulative when underdeveloped. They won’t see the other side, and won’t take responsibility or do any self reflection cause in their eyes they’re always right. But that’s bc of their egos. Also she would literally admit to sometimes starting fights with other friends she had out of boredom lol cancers are really a roller coaster 🦀 My bro & other friend are both cancer rising, and they both always think they’re right and can have big egos from insecurities. It’s hard for them to admit when they’re wrong, to themselves & to others. Also my friend gets buthurt from literally anything it’s exhausting & she absolutely loves the passive aggressive game. 🦀 many cancer-influenced people I know attract and are attracted to drama sometimes without even noticing. They can be very unstable so they can attract unstable people and relationships & life circumstances that deflect their own feelings and emotions and their needs to express them. They need to know where to direct their intense emotions to cause it can affect people that have nothing to do with that. 🦀 cancers can be very close with their mom and/or feminine figures. I know a cancer sun,mercury, Venus & mars that grew up without a dad and had to take care of his mom and sisters from a young age bc of that. He has basically been surrounded by lots of females since he was born.

Pisces moon

👀 Pisces moon is very good at playing the victim in their eyes and acting oblivious to their faults and actions. The first cancer friend I was referring to that had a Pisces moon, used to say a lot of lies and give misinformation about things. They see things as they want to see them a lot of times & then be disillusioned or hurt others in the process, and also choose to not show the reality of things for their own reasons. Reminds me of Kim kardashian (which is a Pisces moon) in the episode in Kuwtk where she would lie to everyone all the times to get away with things. 👀 In addition my cousin’s a Pisces moon and she would literally always lie about random things from a very young age. Everybody knew that about her. 👀 Pisces moon though can be very very generous, giving & supporting. Both the ex friend & cousin, despite everything, had that side in them when they really loved someone. Also very nice to strangers.

Pisces rising

🪞 A lot of times people tell me I remind them of someone they know , personality wise or appearance wise. Also Sometimes people I know or strangers would even tell me I remind them of themselves. I blame it on my rising- people choosing to see me how they want or reflect on other people they know or themselves right when they see me. I can Literally be a walking self reflecting mirror lmao. People can also choose to criticize me about things they subconsciously don’t like about themselves (it can happen to anyone but I believe Pisces rising can worsen it). 🪞 Also I can be very shy when meeting people for the first time and it takes time for me to warm up to people and show my real self, and mostly it won’t fully happen with most people I meet. I also can choose to not be aware of my surroundings so that I can keep being in own my little safe world. 🪞 Another thing I’ve noticed in myself is that I can sometimes distort part of the truth about some details to protect myself or idfk why it can be weird, although I don’t like lying and can be very strait forward (sag sun and Mercury) I still can find myself doing that 🤷🏼‍♀️ maybe cause I like showing people only sides of me that I want them to see sometimes. I think that’s Pisces in general cause as I’ve written above it’s happens to Pisces moon too

Aquarius

🤖 I had a friend with an aqua Venus that had a boyfriend 16 years older than her, and she married him at 21. That’s not something common at all where I live. They really like to shock people with their choice of partners. Also the more people raised eyebrows and commented on their relationship closer they got. It’s the rebellion nature in aqua I guess lol they love unconventional relationships

🤖 Also I’m an aqua mars & I hate feeling like I’m like others lmao. I love being my unique self and hate feeling like ‘other girls’ haha. Also I have a very rebellious nature from a young age that seems to get me in trouble a lot of times or rub people the wrong way. I hate feeling controlled and like I don’t have freedom to do what I want as I want.

Scorpio mars

The Venus aqua girl I talked about that’s dating a guy 16 years older than her, that someone had a Scorpio mars. He was VERY very veryyyy possessive, jealous and obsessive. Wouldn’t let her leave the house too much without him. Wouldn’t let her hang out with people he didn’t know and especially with other guys, even if they were gay 🤦🏼‍♀️. would call her every 5 minutes if he knew she was out somewhere without him. Would ask me all the time if people hit on her in our workplace. Literally wouldn’t leave her alone & if he made up some stupid reason as to why he could be jealous about something he wouldn’t stop talking about it. Made her lose all of her friends, including me, cause he just didn’t want her to have a separate life than him, or feel threaten by someone that’s outside of his circle. Scorpio mars like to posses their partners, and if underdeveloped it could get very ugly. They won’t always show it so much like that, sometimes out of pride, but they definitely feel it inside. What’s theirs is theirs

Libra

Libra’s hate feeling like people are upset with them, they can’t stand it. I had twin Libra friends when I was younger & they would hate being in a fight with me or someone else, they didn’t have to be their friends they just didn’t like the idea of someone not liking them enough. That can cause libras to be manipulative and too faced as they won’t confront people many times but would talk shit behind their backs. Big gossipers also.

Gemini moon

🧝🏼‍♀️ I’m a Gemini moon and I can get anxieties outta no where. Maybe not the kind where u can’t breath and stuff but just get heartache & tummy ache from stress that can come from a thought , energy or whatever, sometimes without a reason it’s weird. 🧝🏼‍♀️ My mind works 24/7 and I can get depressed anxious & worried pretty fast bc of it. I also read too much into situations naturally. 🧝🏼‍♀️ My moods are outta control sometimes and they can change so damn quickly too. Literally happy to sad to worried to depressed to ok in matter of hours or even minutes lmao. 🧝🏼‍♀️ Talking about things or writing down my feeling can help me tough, that’s the communication in gemini. I talk with myself all the time & sometimes even out loud it’s weird lmao and I can be very imaginative . 🧝🏼‍♀️ When I want to shut off my thoughts or feelings i put the tv on and watch something easy like Friends or stuff haha that helps calm me and distract me from another mental breakdown lmao. 🧝🏼‍♀️ I’m good at doing multiple things at once. Also I literally can’t just sit and eat or just watch the tv without doing them together or I’m always on my phone while eating or watching tv lol so fucked up I need to be entertained what can I do 🤷🏼‍♀️ also get bored really quickly 🧝🏼‍♀️ my line of thought also gets interrupted by my own stupid brain all the time cause I think about so many things at once so I end up saying something and then talking about completely different thing a minute later to then come back to what I was saying and the cycle is still going

Sagittarius

🐎 I’m a sag sun & mercury & mc and I’ve always been told I can be very tactless. It was really bad in my younger years lol literally not thinking enough before speaking. 🐎 I have a very good sense of humor and I’m usually known as the funny/crazy one. Also I can very loud and obnoxious sometimes hahaha 🐎 Im very spiritual from a very young age, love philosophy and all that shit lol and also I’m always looking for the meaning of life and everything in it. 🐎 I also used to be a bit arrogant inside cause I was smart in school, that’s kinda the god complex we can have or know-it-all syndrome. 🐎 I can’t feel locked in I value my freedom a lot and don’t like being told too much what to do. I value independence in other people also. 🐎 I also need a lot of space and time alone, can’t feel too suffocated by people I’ll literally run lol

[weelittleweasley]

masquerade (d.m.)

prompt as requested by anon: draco malfoy was your rival in slytherin house. both of you ambitious, bold, and daring. as one of the few pureblood slytherin families left, you promised yourself that you would continue your lineage, but not with scum like malfoy. instead, you would meet a suitor at the annual masquerade ball hosted by the malfoys each year. but what if your prospective suitor is someone you didn’t expect...

pairing: draco malfoy x fem! pureblood slytherin reader

warnings: language

word count: 8.7k

author’s note: let’s say this takes place around 7th year (no voldy) right after the reader’s 18th birthday. also--i took the liberty of naming the reader’s parents just for sake of making things less confusing. 

you guys...would you want a second part to this? i may have an idea for a sequel? depends on how you all like it, but this...kinda went hard ngl

here is a playlist that i found on spotify that works well with the fic! credits to owner! 

Rivalry; nothing like it. It gave you a reason to work harder, faster, and stronger than your rival. You were taught at a very young age that you should never surrender to someone who tries to make you feel inferior. And you took that to heart throughout your time at Hogwarts. You fought wisely with your charisma and charm, earning you the highest marks at school. You were a prefect, one of the top five students in your graduating class, and you were already making plans for your future. 

But that didn’t mean that there weren’t any challenges in your way. Many obstacles stood in your path of achieving greatness. One of those obstacles named Draco Malfoy. The two of you came from pureblood Slytherin families who had been fighting for power that dated back hundreds of years. That only meant that when you both entered Hogwarts in the same year, you had a rival to beat. But Draco wasn’t stupid. He knew how to keep up with you, sometimes surpassing you. Draco was also a prefect alongside you, one place higher than you in your class ranking, and not to mention, Professor Snape’s favorite student.

It drove you ballistic that no matter what you did, you couldn’t outsmart Malfoy. He was always one step ahead of you. He anticipated your every move as if he had studied you for years. But you had something on your side that Draco didn’t expect; divine feminine energy.

You would never fall for Malfoy, not in a million years. But that was exactly the point. Use what you have that Draco wants to your advantage. Your mother always told you that women had the energy of a thousand suns in their eyes and could burn anyone they wanted with just a stare. So that’s exactly what you did throughout Hogwarts. Burn Malfoy.

With just a look in the halls, you would set the boy on fire. With rage, with envy, with frustration, and with passion. You wanted no more but to see the boy fail. But failure wasn’t in Draco’s vocabulary. Needless to say, your time at Hogwarts became full of push and pull between the both of you. A rivalry of the ages.

It was exhausting, being tasked with rivalry at school, but you were thankful when winter break rolled around. You sat in your family’s manor house, the roaring fireplace in front of you as you read an alluring book. The crackling fire warmed up your chilly toes as a green velvet blanket rested over your shoulders. During break, you didn’t have to worry about Malfoy or his every move. You could enjoy yourself. 

As you read, you can hear the footsteps of someone descending the stairs. “(Y/N), dear,” your mother’s voice calls out. 

“In the drawing room, Mother!” you call back.

Soon enough, there your mother was, looking regal as ever as you smiled. Your mother was truly a force to be reckoned with. She stood in front of you, in a beautiful black gown, trimmed with gold and silver, your family crest embroidered above her left breast. Her hair was styled away from her face to reveal her youthful looking face. She was stunning to say the least. “I have news, darling,” she smiles, approaching you before taking a spot on the loveseat that you rested on.

You close your book and smile as you mother sits behind you, combing through your hair, something you always found relaxing. “I hope it’s good news, I could use some,” you tease her, earning a small giggle.

As she combs through your hair with her fingers, she speaks, “As you know, the annual masquerade ball occurs around this time of year.” You remembered watching your parents get ready for the ball as a child. You would sit next to your mother’s vanity and watch her delicately make up her face as her ladies’ maid did her hair. Your mother always wore a beautiful gown from the finest silk, adorned with jewels or lace or whatever she fancied. You remember your father told your mother she could get whatever she liked; your father wanted nothing but your mother to be satisfied. “The ball is open to any pureblood Slytherin who has reached the age of eighteen. And since you’ve have your eighteenth birthday not too long ago, you are eligible to attend,” you can hear the excitement in your mother’s voice. It had always been her dream to see you attend the ball. And yours to attend it.

You smile widely, “I’m delighted. We’ll need to contact the seamstress now if I want a dress in time.”

Chuckling, your mother places her hands on your shoulder. “Yes, yes, dear. But before we talk about what you are wearing, we must discuss the details,” she informs as you sigh. You just wanted to get to the fun part. “The masquerade ball is not just a party, but a tradition. The ball was made for young pureblood Slytherins to meet each other blindly and find a prospective partner for marriage,” you mother reveals as your heart stops.

A partner for marriage? You had just turned eighteen and now you had to think about a partner? You hadn’t even graduated from Hogwarts yet.

But before you can protest the thought of courtship, your mother adds, “It’s how your father and I met in fact. We had danced the whole night and at the end of the ball, he took off my mask and we realized that we knew each other already. He was my partner in my potion’s class at Hogwarts.” She smiles at the memory. “Now, I’m not saying you need to find a fiancé, but it would be nice to be open to it. It’s tradition.”

The thought of finding a fiancé at the ball made your mind reel and your heart race. Sure, the tradition was old, but there was something romantic about it. Especially since that’s how your parents found each other. You nod your head, “Of course, Mother.”

Your mother presses a kiss to the top of your head. She opens her mouth to speak, but instead you hear another voice. “There are some fine suitors attending the ball this year,” your father speaks. He walked into the room a teasing smile on his face as you roll your eyes. “Let’s not overwhelm our daughter with the prospect that she might find her future partner, shall we, Porpentina?” your father tells your mother.

She simply sighs, “Let’s not rule it out though, Samuel. Anything can happen.”

Your father walks over to the two of you, a handsome smile on his face as he shakes his head. Your father was the smartest man you’ve ever met. He always led with logic and had a rational brain. But when it came to you, your father was putty. He loved spoiling his only child, his daughter. “Anyway, I’m glad that you’ve decided to come to ball, my dear,” your father beams as your mother squeezes your shoulders. “I’ll let Lucius and Narcissa know,” he looks to your mother with a nod.

“Wait, Lucius and Narcissa?” you freeze. Malfoy’s. “Are they coming to the ball as well? Will Draco be in attendance?” you interrogate.

Your father chuckles, “Well, I would hope so since they host the ball every year, dearest.” You scoff and let your mouth fall open. Since when was your family alright with the Malfoy's? Last time you were aware, your families despised one another. “I know, it’s strange, but over the last few years, our families have been able to be more level headed with each other. Lucius is still a fucking prick, but he’s been more tame,” your father huffs, making you laugh a bit. “But yes, Draco will be at the ball.”

You immediately rise from your seat on the hardwood floor. “Then I’m not going,” you state as your mother stares at you confused. “You know how much I hate that pretentious, loathsome boy since I stepped foot in Hogwarts. He’s rude and spiteful and inconsiderate and vile. I refuse to voluntarily be in the same room as him whilst I am supposed to be enjoying winter break. I simply refuse.”

Springing to her feet, your mother tries to reason with you. “Think about it, darling. It’s a masquerade ball. You won’t even recognize Draco. He’ll be in costume as well as everyone else. You won’t even know who is who. It’ll be a night to remember, I promise you,” your mother speaks, rubbing your arms. “Besides, I already called the seamstress and she has a beautiful design that she has custom made for you,” she wiggles her brows.

The thought of attending the ball still did excite you. Live orchestral music, beautiful gowns, champagne in golden flutes. It all sounded so regal. How could you let Draco Malfoy stand in the way of your fun? Besides, the chances of you stumbling upon Draco were slim. Sighing, you surrender, “Alright, fine. But if I so much as smell Draco Malfoy, you won’t hear the end of it.”

---------

Meanwhile, Draco stood beside his mother as servants and maids and butlers ran through the Malfoy Manor, carrying fine china, silverware, champagne flutes, and the finest decorations from around the world to decorate the manor in time for the ball. To the common person, this would all be so fantastic to watch. People decorating the manor in golds and greens, preparing for the quickly approaching festivities. But to Draco, this was normal. All the glamor and the splendor was just another day. 

Narcissa holds her son’s arm, linked with hers as she sighs, “Your first masquerade ball. You’ve grown up so quickly, my darling.” Narcissa smiles at her son inspecting his grown face. Where did her child go? All she saw was a fine man. 

Draco smiles kindly at his gentle mother. “I’m not being shipped away, Mother. It’s just a ball,” he laughs, giving her hand a squeeze. “Besides, I don’t expect to find a potential wife at the ball like Father believes...” he trails off.

The thought of marriage made Draco’s stomach churn. It wasn’t like he had a choice. Lucius Malfoy expected Draco to find a wife and a wife soon. Even though the boy hadn’t graduated, Lucius wanted to know that the Malfoy name would continue on for generations to come. He needed to ensure that his boyish son found another pureblood and produced an heir to the Malfoy name. 

Narcissa looks sadly at her son. She wanted nothing but the best for him, but also wanted the same as her husband. “Draco, dear, you know how important this ball is to your father and I. There are some perfectly sweet, beautiful girls in attendance to the ball tomorrow. What about Pansy Parkinson? Pureblood, Slytherin, comes from wealth,” Narcissa starts.

“What about her obnoxious personality or obsessive nature? Parkinson is a hard no,” Draco dismisses the notion. “Who else?”

Narcissa thinks, “The Greengrasses! Daphne will be in attendance since she just turned eighteen. Her younger sister still has a few more years before she can attend.”

Draco shakes his head, “Daphne is a good friend. It would be awkward.” Narcissa sighs and laughs lightly. “Anyone else or am I stuck with Pansy?”

Mrs. Malfoy stays quiet for a while before bringing up the next name, knowing how touchy it is for her son. “Well, I received news yesterday of another pureblood Slytherin who just turned eighteen recently who will be in attendance...” she trails off as Draco looks at his mother, intrigued and curious. “Miss (Y/L/N) will be coming...”

Draco’s face then contorts with disgust. “You invited my biggest rival to the ball?” he exclaims. “Mother, you know how I feel about her! Merlin, at this point let’s invite Potter and his friends to really spice things up shall we?” he scoffs sarcastically.

Narcissa starts, “Draco, please. I know how you feel about (Y/N), but she is a pureblood Slytherin. Her family has money and power and a title. Maybe if something happened between you tw-”

“Nothing will happen between (Y/N) and I, Mother. So don’t get your hopes up,” Draco cuts his mother off who sadly sighs. Draco monitors her sad expression before he feels guilty for his outburst. “I just cannot see myself getting past my feelings for her as they are now,” he reasons with his mother, squeezing her hand as she sadly smiles. “But I did hear that you invited some Beauxbatons to the ball,” he wiggles his eyebrows as Narcissa rolls her eyes.

-----------

Standing in your room in front of the mirror, your ladies’ maid tightened your corset as you sucked in a breath. “Too tight?” she asks, scared that she hurt her master’s child.

“No, Lottie, just fine,” you smile at her as she ties the strings to the corset before taking your gown off of its hanger. “Lottie, can I ask you a question?” you ask as she helps you step into the gown. 

Lottie smiles, “Of course, my lady. What would you like to know?”

As Lottie shimmies the dress up your body, you speak, “When you met your husband, when did you know he was the right one for you? Was there a moment? Or something he said? Or was it love at first sight?”

You hold the dress up as Lottie makes her way to the back to zip it up. “It’s more of a feeling you get in your stomach, my lady. I knew my husband was the one because I felt like my stomach was doing flips and my head was reeling. There’s no feeling quite like it,” she tells you as you smile. Love was so complicated to you. You didn’t understand how it was supposed to work. You loved knowing that there were answers to almost every problem, but when it came to love, you were clueless of its answer. “Take a look, my lady.”

Looking into the mirror, you softly smile. The strapless gown was of emerald silk, hugging your chest beautiful as it came in at the waist as it cascaded down your long legs. It wasn’t puffy or poofy or full of tule. It was sleek and sexy and mature. Your hair was straightened, but pieces fell loosely in your face, framing it. Gold eyeshadow was swept across your eyelids and your lips wore a peachy pink gloss. It was perfect. “I love it,” you smile.

“You look simply stunning,” Lottie added. “Anyone would be lucky to have you as their wife, my lady.”

You smile at Lottie, “Thank you, Lottie. Could you call my mother in please?” She curtsies before leaving you in your room. Nervously, you pace the floor, anxious for tonight’s events. Were you really expected to find a suitor? Who was  coming to the ball? Maybe someone from a different country? A bright, handsome wizard might sweep you off your feet and take you away. The thought made your heart race. 

Interrupting your thoughts, you hear a knock on the door before your mother enters. “Darling,” she sighs as you laugh. “There are no words to describe the way you look.”

You beam, “Thank you, Mother. I feel good, but I’m nervous.” She walks closer to you, concern on her face. “What if there is no one there for me? Even worse, what if there is someone there for me and I miss them?”

She shakes her head, “You cannot think of those things. (Y/N), I raised to be confident, powerful, and smart. And that’s exactly what you are plus more. Anyone with a brain and eyes will see how brilliant you are. No need to fret.” You exhale as she smiles at you. “I came in here to give you one last thing before we go,” she says as she reveals a gorgeous gold mask, adorned with pearls, diamonds, and emeralds. “It was mine when I went to my first masquerade ball. The same mask I wore when I met your father when I was eighteen. I thought that it might bring you some luck,” she tells you.

Tears start to well up in your eyes before you hug your mother tightly. “Thank you,” you whisper as she holds onto you tightly. “Thank you so much, Mom.”

Your mother gives you a squeeze. “I’m your mother. It’s what I do,” she says. “Now let’s put this on you and get ready to go. The ball waits for no one.”

-------------

The ball was already bustling and it had just begun a mere twenty minutes ago. Women and ladies wore beautiful gowns varying of colors and textures, adorned with jewels and precious stones. Men wore suits and capes, perfectly tailored, all very clean cut. But everyone wore a mask to conceal their identity. Each mask beautiful and intricate in design. Some masks covered their whole faces and parts of their head, other just the eyes, and some wore masks that covered their whole head. Everyone was anonymous and that just made your excited anxiety increase.

As you stepped into the Malfoy Manor, you took in your surroundings. Their home was lovely. Beautifully decorated in golds and silvers, accents of black and green. Huge diamond chandeliers came down from the ceilings and twinkled as light passed through it. A large orchestra was settled in the ballroom, playing the finest music your ears have ever heard. You swooned. This all felt like a dream. A very real dream.

At the foyer, you were greeted by a butler who took your coat and another who offered you a flute of golden champagne as you graciously accepted it with a smile and a soft thank you. Your heart fluttered as you examined the manor through your mask. 

“May I escort the two loveliest ladies into the ballroom?” your father speaks as he offers his arms to you and your mother. You smile widely at him before you made your way to the ballroom where the rest of the party was.

The ballroom was enchanting. The walls were golden adorned with the most gorgeous architecture you have ever seen. Painted ceilings of pastel colors with tall candelabras that illuminated them. The orchestra played passionately as couples ranged from ages eighteen to fifty danced across the floor, women’s dresses swaying with each elegant movement. 

Your eyes searched the dance floor, trying to see if you recognized someone’s body language or movements. But everyone looked unfamiliar to you. Almost as if there was a fog over your eyes. 

That’s when your question was answered. “There is a spell cast over the ballroom,” your mother speaks. “To ensure that no one recognizes each other until all masks are removed. When the clock strikes midnight, all masks are removed and everyone sees each other for who they truly are. Exciting, isn’t it?” your mother whispers as you smile.

It was truly a one of a kind experience. You stood and watched those who danced around you, quietly sipping on champagne. Your eyes drifted off to the sidelines as you looked at the people who were your age. Everyone looked beautiful. One girl wore a dress of ruby red and a large diamond necklace that hung gently from her neck as she made quiet chatter with what you assumed was her parents. Another boy wore a velvet suit of navy blue with shiny dress shoes. He quietly stood by himself, watching each and every lady in the room, watching out for who caught his attention. 

Every one of the age of eighteen was on a mission it seemed. These people wanted to find their partner for the night and potentially for their life. The stakes were high. It made your heart race and your adrenaline pump. Your competitive nature was coming over you; you couldn’t help it. You were determined to find someone tonight if it was the last thing you did. 

Suddenly, the music faded away and the sound of a clinking glass filled the room. “Good evening, esteemed guests,” a feminine voice called out. “Welcome to the annual masquerade ball!” she exclaims, earning claps from every corner of the ballroom. “As you all know, the ball is designed for young witches and wizards to find a partner. We welcome each of you with excitement for the journey that lies ahead of you. That being said, the time as come for the eligible witches and wizards to come onto the dance floor and mingle. Wizards, you may approach any witch who is eligible and ask to have a place on her dance card. Remember, do not tell each other of your names! The dances will begin in ten minutes, so get to talking!” Another cling resounds in the ballroom as eligible bachelorettes and bachelors flood the dance floor.

You turn to your parents and give them nervous eyes as your mother and father give you a warm smile. “You’ll be brilliant,” your father speaks as your mother grabs your champagne glass and hands you your dance card. 

With a deep breath, you shake your head and walk out to the dance floor. Your heart was thudding hard against your chest. The moment you stepped onto the floor, someone approached you. “Good evening,” the boy bows as you curtsy to him. “Might I say you look gorgeous this evening,” he compliments you.

You smile, “Thank you very much. You look very nice as well.” He wore a simple black suit and a green pocket square. The detail made you think he was definitely in Slytherin house. Was he in your year? Did you know him personally? Was it Malfoy? No, Malfoy wouldn’t be this kind to you. But then again, he didn’t know it was you. 

The boy speaks, “Could I have the pleasure of having a space on your dance card?” 

He seemed friendly and kind, there was no reason to say no. Maybe as you danced he would become more interesting. “I would be delighted,” you respond as you hand him your card. He strikes the card with two x’s before returning it to you.

“Thank you, my lady,” he bows before walking away quickly to the very next girl he laid eyes on. You were startled at how quickly you moved, but quickly realized he had prepared some sort of script to dance with as many women as possible before his time was up. Clever.

You continue to make your way around the ballroom, chatting to a few more suitors here and there. Some men you found more charming and clever than other, while others you found yourself bored of, politely dismissing their request for a place on your dance card. 

Glancing at the dance card tied around your wrist, you think to yourself about the gentlemen who asked for a space and you granted them the honor of a dance. The first space to the boy who wanted to ask every lady to a dance, the next to a tall, dark, and handsome gentleman with the deep voice, the next to a funny gentleman with a thick Scottish accent, and the last space empty. There was only two minutes left of the mingling before you were to dance with your suitors. 

Too distracted by your dance card, you bump into someone else’s body, making you stumble a bit. “Oh my days, I’m so sorry,” you apologize to the body in front of you.

You look up and meet a pair of ice blue eyes that seem to stare into your soul. Your heart stops in its chest as you suck in a breath. In that moment, it felt like the whole ballroom had stopped moving and it was just you two in time. The two of you said nothing and just looked at each other, deep into the other’s eyes. It was if the man in front of you’s eyes held all the secrets to the world. 

Clearing his throat, he speaks in a low tone, “No, I apologize. I wasn’t looking where I was going.” You politely smile at him. “But in a way, I’m thankful that I wasn’t or else I wouldn’t have stumbled upon you,” he casually flirts making you blush.

The gentleman bows before you as you curtsy, maintaining eye contact with him the whole time. It was like there was some sort of magnet between the two of you. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? You remember Lottie saying it should feel like there were butterflies flying around and your head should be fuzzy, but none of those sensations were happening. You just felt hot in your face and your palms were sweating, thank goodness for your long gloves. 

“I’m glad neither of us were paying attention,” you confess as he smirks. “You are much more interesting than what I was previously focused on.”

The mysterious suitor in front of you chuckles. “I can only hope that you have a spot for me saved on your dance card,” he speaks as you blush.

Teasingly you look at your dance card and fake gasp, “Well, would you look at that? One last spot saved for a special someone...” The gentleman chuckles again as he ticks off the last spot on your dance card.

He slips the card back around your wrist as you suck in a breath as he fingers touch you. “I look forward to our dance,” he bows as you reciprocate the gesture. “Until then, my lady.”

His eyes don’t leave yours until the very last moment as he walks away. You could swoon. He was charming, smooth, witty, and even though much of his face was concealed by his mask, you knew he was handsome. He just had to be. Your face felt hot and your mouth was dry. You knew that you would anxiously await him as your last dance.

With another few clinks against the glass, you are informed that it is time to start the dancing. But before people gather with their first partners, people run back over to where their parents were quietly observing. You excitedly scurry to your mother and father and small smile on your lips dancing as you approach them. Your mother smiles, “Anyone interesting?”

You don’t say a word and take a sip of the champagne that your father offered you. “I know that smile,” he beams. “Which one, darling?” You don’t speak. “Oh, tell us, dearest. We don’t know who any of them are, we are just as clueless as you.”

Sighing, you surrender. “The last gentleman. The one I bumped into.” Your mother scans the room, looking for him. “He has my interest the most out of all of them by far. If the dance goes well, I recon he’ll ask me to promenade outside,” you giggle as your mother joins you.

Your father speaks, “With a chaperone, I assume.” 

You roll your eyes as your mother slaps him on the arm. “She’s eighteen, Samuel. She can walk outside with a suitor. Besides, there is security all around the manor. She will be safe.” Your father sighs as your mother looks at you and hands you your lipgloss to reapply. “Go on. Have fun. Play the field, dearest. Remember what I taught you.”

“Yes, Mother,” you beam before heading back to the dance floor.

There, the first boy is waiting for you, his arm extended. You walk arm in arm to the dance floor as the orchestra begins to play a ballroom waltz. His arm is around your waist gently, his one hand holding onto yours as you begin to dance. “Is this your first masquerade ball?” he asks you.

You nod, “Yessir.”

He smiles, “So you’ve just turned eighteen I presume.” You nod again. “This is my fourth ball. I’m hoping to find my one and only here tonight. Do you think you have met yours?” he asks.

You are taken aback by his directness. “Um,” you stutter, “I’m not quite sure. I mean we’ve just met each other.”

He retorts, “Yes, but sometimes you just know, don’t you. You know what I mean?” His eyes are fixated on yours in a fashion that is full of anxiety and nerves as he anticipates your answer. His eyes have a tired look in them, but behind their exhaustion, there is hope.

You gulp, “Nope.” He furrows his brows. “But maybe another lady here understands what you are saying,” you remain hopeful for him as he sighs.

“I am hopeful,” he speaks. “That’s all we can be.”

Before you know it he spins you away and you land in the arms of your second suitor. The tall, dark, and handsome one. You smile as he smirks down at you. “Good evening, my lady,” he speaks in a deep tone that makes you feel like a school girl. “You are ravishing.” You kindly thank him. “So, are you here like everyone else? To find a partner?”

You speak, “I guess so. My parents would like me to be open to the idea of finding a suitor, but I’m still young. I would like to enjoy my time as a single, free woman of my age and status.”

He nods his head. “I see, I see. My parents want me to find a wife here tonight. Me on the other hand? I really don’t want anything serious. I’m just trying to find someone to shag to be quite honest with you. I’m too young to be tied down quite yet,” he reveals as your eyes widen. His eyes on the other hand remain fixated on yours, but aren’t afraid to wander to look around at the other women on the dance floor. You watch his eyes as they occasionally find another woman’s and he drops one of them into a wink. He was a flirt, couldn’t be tied down type. Bedroom eyes that wandered through several bedrooms type eyes. You’ve dealt with those eyes before and were not looking to deal with them again.

You agreed with him on the part of being free and not finding anything too serious, but just a person to have sex with? That wasn’t what you were looking for either. “I see,” you tell him as he winks through his mask. “I’m not quite sure I want something that casual. I am looking for something more consistent, a little more serious than just a shag. More emotional intimacy as well.”

“Fair enough,” he shrugs. “It’s a shame. I found you quite attractive,” he sighs.

But before you can protest, he spins you away from him and into the arms of your next caller, the funny Scot. “Hello there,” he greets you as you meet his gaze. He wears a gentle smile with kind eyes. His eyes are soft and full of childlike wonder. It makes your heart swell to see someone with such eyes. 

You softly smile at him, “Hello again.” 

The two of you dance back and forth, making light chatter here and there, him sliding in a joke when he can, earning a few giggles from you as he smiles. “How has your night been so far?” he asks you. “Has anyone caught your eye yet?”

You sigh, “The night has been tame so far, but no complaints.” He nods. “As for someone catching my eye, I cannot lie,” you smile as his interest peaks. “There was someone I met who I have my last dance with.”

The Scotsman chuckles, “That’s all you can ask for, isn’t it?”

You join in his light laugher. “What about you? Have you met someone yet?” you ask him as you continue to waltz across the ballroom.

You can see a light rosy hue appear on his cheeks as he smiles. “I have indeed,” he looks across the ballroom as you follow his line of sight. And there she was, dancing with the man you were dancing with before. The same girl from earlier with the gorgeous ruby red gown. “She’s wonderful. And I’ve only spoken to her twice and no more than a total of six minutes.”

Giving his forearm a soft squeeze, you repeat his phrase, “That’s all you can ask for, isn’t it?” He smiles. Maybe you didn’t need a suitor out of the Scot, maybe he was a good friend. 

“In that case, we both don’t mind what I’m about to do,” he speaks.

And then he spun you around and off to your last dance. 

And that’s when your eyes meet.

You inhale sharply when his hand finds the small of your back and he takes your hand in his. His eyes were still that beautiful ice blue that stared right into your soul and made you want to tell him all of your deepest darkest secrets. Eyes that could tempt you into making the most dangerous decision. Eyes that could lure you into a trap, but a trap that you wouldn’t mind being stuck in. 

He breaks the silence first. “We meet again,” he smirks as you blush lightly. The two of you begin dancing as the orchestra swells with music, almost as if they waited to play the most enchanting music right now in this moment. The violins hum a hauntingly beautiful melody as the violas and cellos support the sound. The moment was more than you could ever ask for. “I must tell you, I loathe dancing,” he whispers, making you giggle. “But somehow,” he starts. “You make it feel alright. Not good, but alright.”

You lightly laugh, “I’m glad I can make dancing tolerable for you.” The two of you continue to dance, letting your gown sweep across the floor as the music crescendos. “How has your night been so far? Enjoying yourself?” you ask, curious to know where his mind was at. It had only been minutes but you wanted to know everything about the gentleman in front of you.

The gentleman sighs, “It’s been fine. Not particularly a huge fan of balls or dances. But so far, so good.” He drops his left eye in a wink. “And yourself? How have your other dances been?” he asks you.

You bite your lip and take a moment to think. Now was not the time to play a mind game with him, though you so easily could. But you let your heart get ahead of your head and speak, “None of them as good as compared to this one.” The gentleman laughs, turning away from you in order for you to not catch his delighted blush on his white cheeks. “And your other dances? Did they make dancing more or less tolerable?” you joke with him.

Before the gentleman answers, he looks at the ground with a small smile. He looks up at you and gulps. “I actually didn’t ask anyone else to dance. Just you,” he reveals, making you breath hitch in your throat. That was quite the confession. “No other lady caught my eye like you did.” You don’t turn away when you blush at his flirtations. His eyes stare into yours as your mouth runs dry. “You have the most captivating eyes.”

It felt like you were in a storybook in this moment. The way the orchestra played, how he held you tightly against his body, the way his eyes stared into yours. Your eyes harnessing the power and energy of a thousand suns, but his ice blue eyes able to tame the heat they gave off. Why did this feel so right?

“I don’t know if I should say this,” you start, “but I’m going to anyway.”

He laughs, “I love a girl who can speak her mind. Go on.”

You breathe, “I feel like I’ve known you forever. Like this isn’t our first time meeting. I feel like I’ve known you since the dawn of time.”

You can see him gulp and blink a few times. Did your words scare him? Were you too upfront with him? But before you can think of any more questions, he speaks, “It’s like you can read my mind.” You chuckle as he smiles. “I feel like I was supposed to meet you here, tonight, in this moment. Like this dance was...fate. And I don’t believe in fate.”

For the rest of your dance, no more words are spoken. The two of you just sway and dance to the orchestra that swells with beautiful music. You both gaze into each others eyes and watch the expressions that come across each others faces. With the occasional laugh here and there, absolutely nothing is said. Slowly, everyone around you begins to fade and it is just you two in the ballroom. Why was this happening? You prayed that this was a sign. A sign that this was right, he was right. But you didn’t get the feeling that Lottie was describing to you earlier in your room. Your heart was on fire and you felt like you were about to burst, but no stomach churning or head reeling. Instead, you felt like you were burning. Burning for this man. Burning for his touch. Burning for his attention. You could only hope he felt the same.

Before you know it, the orchestra finishes playing and everyone slowly stops dancing. The ballroom applauds the orchestra and you both join in, but don’t leave each others gazes. Soon enough, people begin to leave the dance floor to partake in other conversations or dance with other people or even promenade outside.

You smile at your gentleman and say, “Thank you for the dance. It was...magical to say the least.” You curtsy to him and turn away to go, but wished you didn’t have to.

Without even taking a step away, you feel him grab your hand. “Wait,” he speaks. “I’m sorry,” he breathes. “Would you...would you like to go for a promenade with me? Outside on the grounds?”

Your heart skips a beat as you sigh and smile, causing him to smile back. He had his answer right there. “I would be more than delighted,” you confess. “One moment please,” you tell him before walking over to where your mother and father watched you in anxious anticipation.

“So?” your mother beams as you nod your head as she smiles. 

You had her your dance card and give your father a smile. “I’m going for a promenade outside with the last gentleman I danced with,” you beam as your father nods his head approvingly. “I will see you later,” you speak before walking back to your gentleman as he extends his arm to you. 

Your father holds onto your mother’s arm, “Porpentina, how our daughter has grown.” They watch you exit the french doors out of the ballroom and into the gardens of the Malfoy Manor.

Still arm in arm, your suitor speaks, “Now, I know we can’t reveal much of our identities to each other, but I would like to know more about you.” You smile at him, holding onto his arm tightly. “What’s your family like?”

Smiling as you think of your mother and father, you start, “They’re wonderful people. My mother has been my sun, moon, and stars since I could remember. She’s passionate and smart and powerful. She’s everything I want to be.” The gentleman smiles as you tell him of your mother. “My father is incredibly kind though many wouldn’t believe that because of what he does for a living,” you laugh. “But he’s my protector. He’s sacrificed so much for me and for my mother. He’s the best man I know.”

He squeezes your arm. “They sound lovely.” You squeeze his arm back to let him know that his sentiment is appreciated. “Any siblings?” You shake your head. “In that case, we are similar. I’m also an only child.”

“What about your parents? What are they like?” you question him next.

This earns a gulp and deep breath from him. “Well,” he starts. “My mother is kind-hearted. Braver than anyone I have ever met. She’s suffered a lot and continues to suffer just to protect me,” he confesses to you. “I’m sorry I know that’s a lot, but-”

“You don’t need to apologize,” you cut him off, placing a hand on his. “She sounds remarkable. Please, continue.”

He smiles. “She is remarkable. The best woman I know.” You smile warmly at him. Your cheeks hurt so much from smiling. The gentleman takes a deep breath in before starting, “My father on the other hand. He’s a complex man. We’re not particularly close. But similar to your father, he protects me to the best of his ability. I’m not sure whether it’s out of love for his son or for some other selfish reason...probably the latter...” he trails off. You look at his face as it falls lightly. You feel for him. “But that’s beside the matter. I want to know more about you. What are your passions? What are your ambitions in life? What do you want to do with our lives that can be so fucking meaningless?” 

You laugh at his joke, crinkling your nose as you do so as he watches you contort your face in delight. He thought you looked beautiful when you laughed. “Well,” you catch your breath. “I want to do something that my family never did. I want to pursue a career when I can help people. Other people. And I have no benefit from it. I just want to help others in any way. When I was a child, I used to want to be a Healer. Then when I was a little older I wanted to be an Auror. But now I’m thinking about being a Healer again or maybe do some form of charity work and philanthropy? I don’t know. I have dreams, but I don’t know which ones to pursue.”

You look at the man beside you and he’s smiling from ear to ear. “It all sounds wonderful to me. You seems so selfless. I’m not used to it, I guess,” he confesses. “But whatever you chose, I know you’ll be brilliant.”

The two of you continue to chat and walk through the gardens, discussing future plans, hopes and dreams, and whatever comes to mind. Talking to this man felt like breathing. It was so easy. Conversation flowed like a channel of water. The conversation seemed never ending and you were perfectly fine with that. You had completely forgotten that you didn’t even know what this man’s name was, but to be honest, you didn’t care. You already knew so much about him from your conversations, you didn’t need to know something as silly as a name. 

You walk further and further through the garden until you come across a small area that was covered in rose bushes. It was a strange sight to see, beautiful roses in full bloom in the middle of winter, but with magic, anything was possible. As you walked closer, the masked gentleman plucked one from the bush and offered it to you as you graciously accepted. You continued to walk as he spoke, “There is a game called Rose, Bud, Thorn where you tell someone of the best part of your day, the worst part of your day, and something you are looking forward to. I want to hear yours.”

You nod, “Alright then. My thorn is having to wear this bloody fucking corset top all night,” he laughs at your comment. “My bud is taking said bloody corset off when I get home,” the two of you chuckle. “And my rose...I guess was meeting you,” you bump into his arm playfully. He smiles. “Your turn.”

He sighs, “Let’s see...my thorn is having to dance tonight.” You scoff. “Although, you did make it better...” he teases as you roll your eyes teasingly. “My rose is having the most beautiful, kind, and intelligent woman at this ball with me right now,” he breathes as you blush. “And my bud...” he turns to you as you take a gulp. His soothing icy blue eyes staring into yours made you shiver. “My bud will be taking off this bloody mask of yours and seeing your beautiful face.”

His face is so close to yours, you feel his breath against your lips. Your mouth his dry as you feel him moving closer and closer to your lips. His eyes look at your glossed lips before moving back to your eyes and inching closer and closer to you. Your heart was thumping out of your chest. This was all happening so fast, and yet you were alright with it?

But before he can kiss you, a guard interrupts. “All ball attendees must report inside as per the hosts’ request. It is almost midnight and time for the unmasking!” 

The gentleman in front of you sighs as he turns to the guard and gives him a dirty look. “So much for a romantic moment,” he huffs as you chuckle. He takes your hand in his as you both walk back to the inside of the Manor, retracing your steps. You are only a few paces away from inside when he speaks, “Those guards always know how to ruin a bloody moment of mine.”

You furrow your brows and chuckle, “What do you mean?”

“They always seem to catch me at the worst time to tell me something important,” he speaks as you remain confused. He notices your confusion and laughs. “This will all make sense in a moment.” You contort your face in confusion, but before you can ask any further questions the same woman who spoke at the beginning of the ball spoke again. “Welcome back! I hope you all had a lovely night full of mystery and romance,” she giggles. “But now the mystery is over.” Behind her, the clock strikes midnight and bongs. “The spell over the ballroom has been lifted and you may all remove your masks! Please reveal yourselves to each other!”

Slowly, people reveal their true identities and you start recognizing people from Hogwarts. The girl with the ruby red dress that the Scot took a liking too was Pansy Parkinson. So many other familiar faces are revealed as you chuckled. This really was a magical moment. 

Beside you, your mysterious man sighs. “Finally.” Your heart beats quickly as you turn to him, anticipating who the man behind the mask was. You hoped he was handsome like you had imagined him to be. Was it someone you knew? Maybe an old classmate? Maybe someone from Hogwarts? Who could it be?

Reaching behind his head, he pulls on the silk strings that hold his mask up. Gently he peels it off and runs his fingers through his styled hair. And that’s when your heart stops and drops into your stomach.

The platinum blonde hair, the icy cold, unforgiving eyes, the pink lips that curled into that smirk. It was all too familiar. All too familiar that it made your chest feel tight with venom and anger. How could you be so naive? How did you not remember those eyes? Those eyes that dug into yours. Those lips that spat such cruel and vile words at you when you were just children. 

It was Draco Malfoy.

You inhale a sharp jagged breath as he laughs. “I know, it’s strange, but I’m assuming things are starting to click for you. Especially with how I know the guards and why they let us into the rose garden. But it’s me. I’m Draco. Draco Malfoy,” he speaks with a smile. You feel like you are about to vomit.

Of course, how could you not notice the guards letting you both through the gardens without interruption or protest? How did you not notice his wave of a finger when you needed to be let through somewhere? How did you let him distract you? How did you let yourself become so captivated by the man you hated most in the world?

“I think it’s only fair if I see you now,” he chuckles, waiting for you to take off your mask. 

But instead of taking off your mask, you wanted to run. Run far away. Run so far and forget this whole night happened. Forget every word exchanged with Draco full of such adoration. This was a sick joke.

Draco notices your horror and he speaks, “Are you alright, darling?”

His nickname for you made your stomach churn. You felt ill.

You couldn’t look at him any longer. You turned away and began to swiftly walk away from him. “Wait, where are you going?” he asks as you weave through the crowd. “Please, don’t go!”

Your stomach was churning and your head was reeling. How could this have happened. Then it all clicks. Lottie’s words. My stomach felt like it was doing flips and my head was reeling. There was no way. This wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be. You were in love with Draco fucking Malfoy. This was a nightmare.

That’s when his hand grabs your arm and flips you to look at him. “Where are you going?” he laughs as he looks at you. “Are you that surprised?” he asks with a smile as you just stand there, trying to catch your breath. His brows furrow. “Is there something wrong? Do we know each other?” he asks. “Take off your mask so I can see you, darling.”

In pure anger and frustration, you hastily sigh and undo the masks strings quickly before ripping it off your face to reveal your identity. The smile on Draco’s face instantly drops as he recognizes exactly who you are.

And there you were, two enemies standing in front of each other, glaring at each other in the middle of a ballroom, surrounded by other young couples who were falling in love. The two of you just burning holes into the other. The energy of a thousand suns trying to melt the ice that stared right back at it. Two sworn enemies now destined to fall in love. What a conundrum this was.

“Call me darling again and I’ll hex you, Malfoy,” you breath through pants of sheer anger.

Your stomach was still doing flips and your head continued to reel. Your face was flushed. How could Draco Malfoy and your masked gentleman be the same person? It was impossible. Your gentleman was kind and charming and witty and smart and thoughtful. Draco Malfoy was vile and rude and unkind and selfish and self absorbed and loathsome. There was no way you could be in love with a version of someone who you swore you would hate until you took your last breath.

Draco’s face slowly moves into a cautious one. “(Y/N),” he starts. “I swear I didn’t know it was you. I was just as clueless as you. You have to believe that I didn’t do this on purpose.”

You laugh, “I don’t believe a thing that comes out of your mouth. I was stupid to believe that I could fall for a person as disgusting and despicable as you.”

And with that, you march away from Draco, ignoring his calls out for you as you approach your mother and father. Once they see you, their expressions change from excitement to concern. Before anyone of them can ask what was wrong, you demand, “We are going home. Right now. I want to go home. Please. Can we go home?”

You feel a lump in your throat and your eyes become hot with tears. Your mother grabs your hand as your father pulls out his wand to apparate you back home. The last thing you hear before you leave the ball was Draco’s voice calling out for you to come back.

Before you know it, you are back in the comfort of your own home, face stained with tears as you run up the stairs to your room. You ignore your mother and father’s call to tell them what happened. You slam your bedroom door shut and lock it before letting the sob rake through your body, shaking you from the inside out.

You were foolish to believe you could find someone at a stupid ball. Those fucking masks. Making you believe someone was something they weren’t. It was all a lie. Smoke and mirrors. And you fell for it. You fell for Draco and there was nothing that you could do to forget it. 

You fell for a facade and you would have to live with that forever. How you were supposed to face him at Hogwarts was beyond your control.

[rebellionevoked]

— MARGOT + SOFIA.

“Hey, you know I’d kiss you any day if you really wanted me too.” Margot’s sexuality was something she always knew for herself, but only voiced more publicly after her accident and split from her parents. “I’d rock your world, sweetheart.” The pressure to be perfect meant hiding that part of her for a long time. Sof always knew though. Margot remembered telling her she thought Stacy Goodman had kissable lips when they were in elementary school. She thought similar things about Sofia time again, but she’d always kept those to herself. “Yeah, but how long can I use that excuse?” Margot teased about herself. She wasn’t 22 and exploring freedom anymore. She was 30 and using her ability to do whatever she wanted to numb the fact she didn’t really do much at all.  “I was fucking Matt’s friend who I like kind of actually hate and doing a bunch of drugs with him. I didn’t know he was an addict, but I don’t even think that’s why anyone was mad about it. I think it was just… a clear depiction of how little respect I had left for myself.” Margot explained. She was still working her way through it all, unsure about why she’d been acting the way she had. All of her shit lived in a big pile in the back of her brain, suddenly overflowing, forcing her to look at it. “Yeah, well I’ll always bite my tongue about the fuckhead for that little boys sake, but I think one day he’s gonna see it all unfortunately.” Margot knew what it was like to love your parents deeply, and then realize they aren’t who you thought they were. Danny, by nature, was the kindest little boy she’d ever met. “I’ll also murder anyone who hurts either of you.” She lifted a brow, with a bit of a smirk. Margot waited years to be able to talk smack about her ex. Now that they were separated for good, it was going to be a while before she got it out of her system. Her shoulders rose and fell. “I don’t know. The only thing that’s ever interested me is dance, you know? But, I think maybe going to school and taking a some random classes might inspire me.” She shrugged again, finding discussing this vulnerable. “People interest me, I guess.”

.

     “Maybe I do.” Unsure if she was teasing or somewhat serious, Sofia winked at her longtime friend. Many times over the course of their lives and knowing each other she’d looked to Margot and found her attractive. When she was maturing through her teens and her sexuality was awakening Sofia pushed it all aside because dance was what mattered. School and scoring as high as possible was what mattered. Anything else was a distraction and pushed to the side. Plus, having exploratory fun with friends wasn’t apart of the expected path her life seemed destined to follow. “I have no doubts about that.” Which, she really didn’t. There was some envy when it came to her friend’s experience. Sofia had gone from nothing to marriage and up until their recent divorce hadn’t been able to be with anyone else. Everyone thought she was acting out now, that pain was driving so many of her actions, and there was undoubtedly some truth to that, but mostly, Sofia was finally free to live her life on her own terms. Just now barely into her thirties. “The thing is,” she began, purely out of friendship and not stepping into her professional role, “sometimes we have to hit rock bottom. Mistakes are often unfortunately the best way we learn because through those depths you discover things about yourself. I can understand the worry.” Doing drugs and sleeping with friend’s friends could lead to bad places, not to mention create a lot of mess that could potentially have lasting damage. “On the other side of it now, though, how are you feeling?” There was no expectation that Margot would have a clear head and she wasn’t asking for answers or what the next step was, just how she felt.

     “You’re completely right. One day Danny will be old enough to know about his father and his actions and for Nolan’s sake, which I shouldn’t give a damn about, I hope he realizes that sooner rather than later.” Not that there would be any reconcile between Sofia and her ex-husband, but amends could be made. Or, he could just stop telling lies and bashing her at every opportunity. “Likewise.” In a motion of solidarity, Sofia lifted her latte. If anyone hurt Margot they would have to deal with Sofia’s wrath. And she had resources most people wouldn’t even think of. Ears open and nodding, she digested her friend’s thoughts and felt happy for Margot that she was in a place to rediscover and find a new path in life that wasn’t dictated by anything other than her own choices. “Maybe check out sociology or even psychology, then. Not saying go full-on therapist, but you have an ability to relate to people and you’ve been through a lot so you could offer a lot of patience and understanding. Counseling might be good.”