#I ended up not finishing my re-read that's why I'm not entirely certain about some things I've mentioned

[hoppipolla]

I’m curious, what did you think of the first two episodes of jazz for two?

Hi Shawn! I’m sorry for the late reply but I wanted to take my time to write you my answer to your ask.  

Here are my thoughts on the first six eps (I was able to watch the next four eps in the meantime so I thought why not share more than what you’ve asked ><).

Let’s start with the things I don’t really like to end on a nice note.

Doyoon

I’ve told you before but I think he’s the most interesting character from the webtoon and I have mixed feelings with the way he was written in the drama adaptation. I feel like Hangyeom has a pretty solid understanding of the character so I’m blaming the writing on this one.

In the webtoon, I feel like Doyoon is the kind of character you easily misunderstand at first glance. He looks like the typical guy who acts first and thinks later. Although he appears easy-going, he’s also really attentive and thoughtful so whenever he does something, he’d think of the consequences first. He catches on quickly and since he’s attentive, he notices things that most people miss. That’s why I couldn’t comprehend why the screenwriter chose to make him look for his best friend’s house for a whole afternoon. That makes no sense to me. Taeyi is his best friend. Of course he’d know his address.

Doyoon and Jooha’s romance

One of the things that bothers me most about this drama is the pacing and the way the story unfolds.

I’ve never been a fan of Jooha but I think the webtoon makes you sympathise with him a bit more than the drama.

In the webtoon, you first get Jooha’s backstory, then you get Doyoon’s pov and learn that he likes him. The fact that the drama chose to first show Jooha being all weird and cruel and then proceeded to let us hear Doyoon’s thoughts about his feelings for him made me uncomfy. It makes it look as if Doyoon is in love with a bully and it’s just messed up. Jungha is a bully but he’s also someone who’s completely lost and doesn’t know what to do with all the feelings he has stifled inside. He’s not emotionally mature and it really shows in his behaviour. Doyoon falls in love with him because he sees right through him. Because he can see the man Jooha can be and he chooses to believe in him. But the drama doesn’t make that clear and so it kinda ruins the romance between the two of them. The source material isn’t helping to be honest because their romance is quite unhealty at the beginning. The drama toned it down but, in the past, Jooha didn’t break Doyoon’s elbow or wrist, he broke his ankle! Imagine how violent this is. And then the webtoon went on showing Doyoon being all forgiving because he knows that deep down Jooha regrets it and that Jooha has things to figure out and Doyoon is aware of it so it’s all good. I’m being a bit mean here but it’s quite ridiculous to be honest. Doyoon plays basketball and practices hard so imagine having a broken ankle. What Jooha did was plain cruel.  

But it’s really fun seeing Hangyeom act. Plus, his acting is quite natural. I hope he’ll get more opportunities to improve his skills!

I’m also a bit bitter because their first kiss was so rushed. It happens much later in the webtoon and the stakes are different.   

Storytelling

Another thing I don’t like is how they make everything so obvious. You’re not supposed to know that Doyoon likes Jooha from episode 1. The way they made Doyoon’s gaze linger on Jooha… They really didn’t have to make it that obvious. It’s as if the director was scared we wouldn’t get the hints. So, he didn’t give us a choice and made sure we got the message. (How could we not get it?)

I wouldn’t call Taeyi and Seheon’s romance a slowburn but they do take a bit of time to understand their feelings. However, the opening scene is them looking as if they’re kissing. Again, why make things so obvious from the very start? This drama has only 8 eps so things are bound to happen fast. There was no need to spoil the romance between Taeyi and Seheon so early on. Everyone is expecting it anyway so I don’t know what the director thought it would add to start with such a scene.

Cinematography

I know it’s the same directing team as A Shoulder To Cry On but there are so many similar shots. It doesn’t feel like a directing style. It just feels lazy, as if the director has copy-pasted shots and thought no one would notice. (again)

The cinematography is okay but I keep on noticing similarities and it bothers me a bit, hence my rather harsh comment.  

But I’ve watched till ep 6 so I’ve obviously enjoyed some bits!

The cast

I think the casting director did a great job choosing the four main actors. Jin Kwon is the perfect Seheon: his facial expressions fit the character so well. They’re the perfect match.

In the webtoon, Taeyi has the saddest eyes. He wears a mournful expression and although it took me a while to warm up to the artist’s style, I was touched by the way they drew Taeyi’s forlorn look. I think Ho Geun does an okay job overall. There are some moments where he perfectly pulls it off though (the scene where he looks at old videos of his brother for instance or when he looks at Seheon who has fallen asleep next to him).  

Ho Geun makes me like Taeyi way more than when I re-read the webtoon (I don’t remember if I liked him on my first read) although I don’t really know why ><

I like Joo Ha’s micro-expressions and his presence matches with how I imagined Jooha would behave (his voice, his body language, etc.).

The plot

The drama changed the whole plot of the webtoon and I don’t mind it. The webtoon doesn’t have a plot per se. That’s why there are so many kissing scenes that act as fillers (imo). The plot is basically the characters’ journey and their development.

So, I liked that they added the whole ensemble project in the drama. Very dramatic (Taeyi’s entrance I mean) but it was fun to watch.  

Not sure if you’re interested in these but here are some differences between the webtoon and the drama:

If I remember correctly, Seheon was never home-schooled nor was he made to study classical music. I don’t think his brother was ever mentioned either.

Doyoon doesn’t play the drums.

Seheon thought Doyoon and Taeyi were a thing, not Jungha and Taeyi. (I feel like my wording is confusing… Hope you got my point!).

The rooftop is Doyoon and Taeyi’s hiding place to smoke.

Seheon’s mom forbade him to play the piano that’s why he only practiced at school.

Joohee is much more fleshed-out in the drama than in the webtoon and I appreciate that!

The first song Seheon plays is “Autumn Leaves” which was Taejoon’s (Taeyi’s brother) favourite song. That’s why Taeyi reacts so strongly when he hears Seheon playing.

Taeyi’s uncle appears much later in the webtoon.

Joohee’s gives Taeyi’s overcooked cookies and not chocolate and it’s funny because Doyoon and Seheon end up tasting them and it tastes so bad that Seheon forces Taeyi to eat one as well.

This got way too long. I’m so sorry >< I’d love to hear your thoughts on this drama as well!

[pandorasprongs]

INTERLUDE | are we still friends?

'it's nice to have a friend' fic masterlist + playlist | previous chapter

PAIRING: jamie tartt x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 3.2k

SUMMARY: after months of ghosting, reader finally gets to talk to jamie again at the end of her second year.

WARNINGS: language

A/N: so we're going back in time to when reader's in uni and early in jamie's man city career :) hope u all enjoy! (also i know frats aren't a thing in the uk but i didn't find that out till after i published the prologue rip) i'd also suggest listening to 'are we still friends?' by tyler the creator for this chapter too just for the vibes — also!! thank you so much for 200 followers it's insane so many of you enjoy my fics :))

Age 19

"And that's it for this semester! Congrats everyone!" Your professor greets the room as the last person finishes their presentation. The room cheers, — albeit weakly given that most of the students there were coming down from their finals week caffeine addiction, — and everyone soon starts filing out.

You pass by your professor on the way out with Liv and hand her the trinket that the two of you planned on giving out to all of the professors you've had this semester. Some out of gratitude, some to make them feel guilty for the low marks they've given. This certain professor, a lady in her mid-40s who has been in the STEM area of research for years, had designated the two of you her favorites.

"Thank you so much, ladies. It was such a pleasure having the two of you in my class." You both give her a warm smile before heading into the hall. 

When you make it outside of the building, Liv lets out a cathartic scream of relief. "It's finally done!" You laugh at your friend's reaction. You were glad too, but not enough to yell in public.

As you headed back to your student hall, you pulled out your phone. It had become routine to message Jamie every time you were heading back to Manchester, which you were the next week when your parents picked you up.

Hey Jamie! How've you been? How's Man City? Saw the match with Cardiff, you did great.

You press send before adding on, If you're still here, maybe you want to meet up before you go back? I'm heading back to Manchester next week too if you want to meet up then instead. 

You send that too and type out I miss you, but after glancing at the rest of your unread messages, you delete it and sigh in defeat.

You don't even know why you're still trying. You haven't spoken to Jamie in months. No, it's almost been a year. The last time you did was when you went home for the summer holiday after your first year of uni, but even then, Jamie seemed distant and cold. He left the lunch early too after he got a call from his manager, much to your dismay. Even before that, his messages to you were getting less and less frequent till he finally stopped replying a few months into your second year.

Maybe it stung more knowing it was around the time you left that you realized how really felt about him. It wasn't just platonic love anymore; you might've actually been in love with your best friend then. But those feelings have since disappeared, at the same rate that Jamie disappeared from your life.

So now you were in a pub, supposedly celebrating the end of your second year in uni, but you couldn't stop staring at your phone, waiting for a reply. You've been re-reading your message to him and staring at that delivered in the corner until you finally broke out of the trance thanks to one of your friends calling out to you.

"Oi! You're not even tipsy. Are you playing or not?" Tina asks and you shut your phone before shifting your focus to the conversation. Right, you're playing Never Have I Ever.

"Shit, sorry," you apologize before lifting your hand. "I am now. What's the last one?"

"It was never have I ever slept with a footballer," Liv explains quickly, but the entire group had this knowing look on their faces that told you everything they thought of you.

Maybe it was fueled by the anger directed at said footballer or the fact that you knew they all thought you were a prude for not having hooked up with anyone the whole time in uni, — as far as they knew, — but you give them a knowing look that caused everyone's expressions to shift.

"No fucking way, you have?" Sam asks and you take a shot as confirmation.

"Technically yes," you explain but decide to hide which player it was. Because if they knew it was one of the up-and-comings of the Premier League, you'd never hear the end of it. Plus, one of them was bound to snitch to a newspaper for sure. "Back when I was 17 and before I left for uni, I slept with someone who ended up getting scouted." You neglect to mention that someone was your best friend, who agreed to be your first time because you were sure you'd make a bad decision the moment you stepped foot in a uni.

If they knew where you were from, they would've figured it out instantly. But you didn't have a Mancunian accent and none of them had ever bothered to ask where you were from over these two years — except Liv, who was no longer paying attention to the whole game and just scrolling on her phone, — so you were basically in the clear.

They moved on from your grand revelation quickly and continued with the game. At the end of it, you were probably the most sober out of all of them, so you ordered a Cosmopolitan. Maybe alcohol led to bad decisions, but at least it kept you off your phone.

You continued to talk with your friends till Tina gasped. You all turn to her to ask what happened when she exclaims, pretty loudly, "Looks like all of us have a chance at checking 'hooking up with a footballer' off our lists tonight." She giggles before leaning back into her seat.

You join the rest of them to look at what Tina had just seen and realize that not one, but two teams' worth of players had just walked into the pub. From Cardiff City and... Man City.

You already feel your heartbeat quickening and your eyes instantly start looking for Jamie in the crowd. The thoughts of 'he has to be here,' and 'he can't be here,' battle it out in your head, but when your eyes finally land on your former best friend, you don't know if the butterflies in your stomach are a good thing or not.

"Well, fuck it." You hear one of the girls you're with say as she downs another shot and gets up from the table. Some of the others join her in the group, but you're still frozen from nerves. Best way to heat up? More cocktails.

You watch with the other girls from a distance as the braver ones take their chances with the footballers on the other side of the bar. But for most of it, you can't take your eyes off Jamie. 

He looks really different, like bad different. He's loud and boisterous, but not in the way he was before. You watch how he talks to his teammates and you can almost see how his overconfidence masks the level of insecurity he has with much older players. Or maybe you're overthinking it. You haven't seen him in a while.

When your friends get back to the table along with some new drinks and stories, you try and listen intently. But you really couldn't stop looking behind them.

You don't think Jamie's felt your eyes on him, so you weren't worried he'd turn and see you staring. But if he did, you wondered how he'd react. Would he go wide-eyed and stare back or just look away as if he didn't just spot his best friend of a decade at a pub? You were about to find out.

After downing one of the drinks in front of you, — you weren't even sure if you were the one who ordered that one, to be honest — you excuse yourself from the table. When they saw where you were walking over to, they decided to start cheering. It did help your nerves, even though you were approaching them for different reasons.

"Jamie!" You get his attention and the moment his eyes land on yours, shock fills his face. You almost scoff at that. He goes to the place where you're studying and assumes that he wouldn't run into you?

You didn't even plan out what you were going to say, so instead you sarcastically greet, "Nice to see you here. In Cardiff. Where I go to uni."

Jamie doesn't say anything and just continues to stare at you. His cocky facade almost slips too, till one of the other Man City players rests his arms on Jamie's shoulders and he suddenly tenses. You've seen him before, probably in one of those tabloid articles, judging from his overall demeanor. He seemed like the type to get into those scandals.

"Ah fuck, I thought we got rid of you lot already. Don't you have enough drinks from your friends over there?" George, you finally remembered his name, states and you're taken aback. He must've seen you coming from that direction.

"No, I'm not here for that." You answer bluntly before turning back to Jamie, starting to get annoyed. "Are you seriously not going to say anything?" 

The Jamie you knew would be the first to defend you, even if it was just over someone knocking into you in the halls or stealing your pens. But it wasn't that you were after, honestly. You just wanted him to say something, anything at all.

"You know her, Tartt?" George scoffs and looks at Jamie. When Jamie continues to stay silent and just looks down at his feet, he chuckles and nudges the younger footballer. "A past hook-up, huh? Judging by your reaction. No need to be embarrassed, Jamie," he glances back at you and tries to whisper, "She's quite fit. Well, by your standards."

You roll your eyes, the anger starting to bubble. Now, Jamie had to say something right? But seeing no reaction, you correct him yourself. "Look, I'm not one of his bitter exes. I'm his..." You actually don't how to end that sentence.

George takes advantage of your pause and by now, some of the footballers around them had turned their attention to the scene. "Look woman, I don't care who you are to him, but take. the. fucking. hint."

You still don't remove your eyes from him. "Jamie," you whisper, almost pleading at that point.

Jamie looks up and seeing the multiple eyes on him at the moment, he finally speaks up, "You want an autograph or something? We're trying to enjoy our night, so I'll sign a napkin for you and you can be on your way."

The coldness in his response causes you to stumble and you take a step back. What did he just say to you? You try and search his face for any sign of remorse or guilt. Something that says, 'Please don't hate me, I didn’t mean it.' Nothing.

The sounds of the other footballers laughing don’t help either; it only contributes to the rising feeling of heat and embarrassment in you. You can feel the tears starting to form. There's no reason for you to break down in front of all of them, so you answer quickly, "Right. No need. Sorry for disturbing your night." 

You turn around quickly, but not without hearing George ask Jamie who you were. For a second, you almost thought he'd give him the truth.

"Dunno, probably some fan I met before." That breaks the dam and the first few tears drop to your cheeks. A crying girl isn't an irregular sight at a bar, but you really didn't feel like staying in the same place as Jamie anymore.

You approach the table to grab your things when you notice that most of your friends had already scattered across the pub. The only one left there was Liv, — who was the designated driver for tonight despite your university being a 5-minute walk away — who notices your tear-stained face and is quick to rush over to you. "What's wrong? What happened?"

You shake your head. "Don't worry. I just want to head back." Liv hadn't even known you for two years, but she knew that you weren't one to talk about your feelings. Instead, she nodded and offered to help you out of the pub, but you shook your head once again. You had a relatively high limit and partner it with what just happened with Jamie, you were practically sober. You grabbed your clutch and coat before rushing out of the place, furiously wiping the teams from your face.

Fuck Jamie Tartt. Fuck those Man City losers. Fuck everyone involved in turning your best friend into whoever that was. The boy you once knew was gone. Fully and completely gone. You had to accept that.

But even then, you thought you'd hear the door open behind you. You thought it would be Jamie. You thought he'd chase after you. You thought he'd pull you into a hug. You thought he'd apologize for what he did and for everything. You thought he'd cradle your face as he did so. You thought he'd plant a tender kiss on your lips as an apology too. You thought he'd re-enter your life as if nothing had changed.

But he did none of that. 

And you went home alone.

—

"(Y/N)? It's Liv, again!" You hear from the other side of your door, but make no attempt to move from your position in your bed. It was just too comfortable, perfect for wallowing in when you've officially ended the longest friendship you've ever had. Liv continues, "I'm heading home soon, but I asked Donna if she could keep bringing food for you to your door till you head home."

You were touched by the gesture but knew you weren't going to touch any of those bags till late at night when the hall was completely deserted. Till then, you'd be sleeping. Your parents had delayed picking you up till the last day and you've never been more glad about that.

"See you next semester! Love you!" were Liv's parting words and once you heard her footsteps recede, you fell back to sleep.

In all honestly, you've lost track of time at that point. Yeah, it was pathetic sitting in your room as if you were mourning the death of a loved one, but it's not like anyone cared. Well, Liv did, which is why she started bringing you food when she realized you weren't leaving your room, but she was heading home to London. Your parents had no idea what happened and you intended to keep it that way. The rest of your friends were off with their own lives, not even giving you a second thought. Jamie sure as hell didn't care what happened to you. He made that clear.

So for the rest of your time left in the hall, you just stayed in your room. Like a hermit. Jamie would've found it funny, you thought once, till it caused you to burst into tears once again. The more you tried to forget Jamie, the more you thought of him, which was the worst loop you could be in.

He's even in your dreams. One of them felt so real because you were in your exact position in reality when your phone rang. You saw his name as the caller, but 'dream you' just pressed decline. Even deleted the missed call notification. Good for her.

Then, you wake up to a missed call and a text from your mom. On route to Cardiff! Can't wait to see you, sweetie. 

Ah, fuck. Had that much time really passed? You jumped out of your bed and start fixing up. Technically, you had 3 and a half hours to do so, but counting showering, cleaning up your suitcases from your dusty closet, and shoving almost a years worth of items into said suitcases, then you were in a bind and never prayed for traffic more in your life.

And from the sheer fear of your parents giving you a sermon in front of the entire building, you almost forgot about your former state of wallowing in self-pity. Then you were faced with taking down the decorations on your wall. 

There was a mix of everything from school banners, even flyers, and pictures you'd taken with your friends and parents. You started with those first until the only ones left were the ones related to Jamie. You had pictures with him from multiple stages of your life. There was one from the first football match of his you ever attended and one from your graduation, too. 

You had kept the note he made you when you were 16 and you joined your first individual debate tournament. ‘Fucking smash it!’ was scrawled in his handwriting on a post-it note, which you've hung on your wall since your first year of uni. 

Even the rings he used to buy you for your birthday till his mom told him to find something new. You slowly pulled them from your desk drawer and realized there were only four. One missing. They were old anyway. You end up shrugging it off and placing them into your suitcase.

When you started inserting the rest of the items into an envelope, you continue to look at that picture with Jamie from when you were seven. Suddenly overcome by an emotion — rage, pity, nostalgia, you're not really sure, — you crumple it with your two hands and hold it like that for a few seconds. 

You finally let go and see the two distorted faces, you're suddenly overcome by feelings of guilt. 7-year-old Jamie didn't do anything wrong; what was the point of taking your frustrations on a picture of him? Maybe you can throw darts at a printed photo of the current Jamie when you get home instead.

You flatten the picture as best you can before putting it back into the pile in the envelope. You finish packing your desk and place all the items into one of your suitcases. You look around the room, satisfied. Sure, your sheets weren't made yet, but you were going to leave the place anyway and you needed to shower. It was 40 minutes till your parents would knock on your door, — as seen in the picture they sent of the GPS — so it was more than enough for you to get ready.

Time passed by quickly and soon, your dad was helping bring your bags down to the car while your mom talked about how much weight you've lost while you were away, like they always did. 

"Oh! Jamie, he had a game against Cardiff last week, right?" Your dad remembers as he starts the car. You almost freeze at the name, but turn to look out the window to avoid your parents catching whatever expression you had on your face. You were too tired to mask it properly.

"Yes, he was amazing!" Your mom exclaimed before asking. "Georgie said she told him to meet up with you here. Did he?"

"No," you answered quickly. You never lied to your parents, which is probably why they accepted your response so easily. You don't look back at them and continue to look at the passing trees. "Must've been busy."

A/N: yeah... and there you go! here's what happened that night in the pub and hopefully it makes me much more clear why reader still holds something against jamie! we're going back to the present day timeline for the next one so stay tuned!

TAGLIST: @moonflowersandsparkles @faith-alons26 @rexorangecouny @aiyaiy @thegirlthatwantedtowrite @giggling-sewer-ginger @katdahlali @higherthanheroes @guccilongboard @alipap3 @rockchickrebel @ellietartt @shineforever19 @skewedcherries @jamietarttdodo @meg-ro @deepdarkvelvet @taytaylala12 @scaramou @rae4725 @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo (couldn't tag you for some reason?)

[wiktorianala]

My oc's + characters they were based of in one way or another

I got bored of sewing, maybe gonna continue on weekend, but anyway i decided that it's time to make smthng more with Bouney 'n Handy so there's a lil drawings and if someone is interested in me yapping about them, story, 'n other stuffs then click here \/

Oki, so I'll start with at which point they were based of well, Salad and Madotsuki. Starting from Handy because this will take me less time. She was created waaay later, at moment when I wanted to start working on comic, so I had to make second character just so Bouney wouldn't be only one, well i wanted to make her an object head of some kind to match with the fact that Bouney's head was created out of rotated eye. It is not anymore but that was honestly how I created this little freak. Fine but coming back to topic I wanted to give her some kind of object, and I'm honestly shit when it come to making any decisions myself, so with my friend we just looked throught my entire sketchbook and we found drawing of Madotsuki with hand palm effect (because I was pretty much fixated over this game and bigger part of sketchbook had Yume Nikki drawings), so we just picked hand. Now, with Bouney it's longer story, just like I said, I created him way earlier, so first thing he got after Salad were simple plain clothes 'cuz I'm layzy and absolutelly didn't wanted to bother with drawing anything complicated over and over again (and I picked Salad, because once again, yes it was my fixation at that time, and I want to remind that thos are two different times btw). So at the point when I wanted to start making thos comics and when I already had character designs I had to give them personalities and story, and the story... it was pretty different from what it is now. First vershion of it was too about a empty world and all thos stuffs, this didn't change, but main difference was the fact that in earlier ver Bouney was only living creature in this world. Handy was more of some kind of imaginary friend that appeared in his head due to loneliness there. (this a bit was based out of Salad too, because, ya know, empty weird world, clearly not very sane main creature character 'n thos stuffs) Plot mostly was just like in current vershion pretty goofy 'n just some "everyday stuffs", but at some points it was getting pretty heavy and sad. AND YES I KNOW THAT IT SOUNDED MUCH MORE INTERESTING, honestly at some point even I liked it more in this way, but there were two main reasons why I changed it. First one, fact that Handy wasn't really a physical person caused some technical writing issues that maybe been not that hard to fix, but as once already I said- I'm layzy, so I didn't wanted to be bothered by them. And now second and honestly more important reason (at least for me), it was time when I was making 2nd re-write of "Fragments of Sanity" plot (rn I'm working on 3rd, and I hope last one, because I want to finally make it into comic too) and I mean first version of it was pretty, well sad (I can't really find better word for it), but on second version? Oh boy, let me tell ya this shit is even worse (and main reason for this is probably because I dunno when but Mike ended up being at least in his personality and behavior (not by plot) a bit of self insert). So I didn't really wanted both of my projects to be like that, and I wantd at least one of them to be one with wich I could more goof around, so yeah, I've changed it. Well I guess that's all I wanted to say? I dunno. I know that in 95% no one is about to read this, but anyway I feel at least better when I can yap somewhere about some certain stuffs, and hey, ain't that for what blogs even exist? For people to yap, and do stuffs they like? Damn after writing for such a long time about them I guess I have a need rn to finish this god damned 3rd chapter. So yeah, now that's all.

[asongoficeandthrones]

A Clash of Kings First Read

Hello everyone!

So I started reading the ASOIAF series by George R. R. Martin back in October, and I finished A Game of Thrones a week or so ago.

To give a little context, I have watched the TV show before reading the books, the entire TV show, that is. So I know some of what happens (though I do know the final books are not yet published and so the end of the show might not be the same than that in the future books, and I'm pretty sure there are other things that differ).

But still, I decided to start some small, disorganized chapter reviews while reading A Game of Thrones (with no reference to the show, because I wanted to separate the two and "forget" that I watched the show before reading the books, so there's that), and I decided to continue to do so (under the same concept, no references to the show) for A Clash of Kings. Except those are far more organized (though with no real chapter recaps; however, I do mention certain events happening in the chapters in detail), and so I decided I could share them here. So obviously, there will be spoilers on this blog.

Expect a chapter "review" for each chapter. But as it's my first read and I won't be making any reference to the show, I'll only be referring to previous chapters / books.

Categories for each chapter "review":

Setting (+ group of people focused on if relevant).

Favorite character (with sometimes more than one mention).

MVP (Most Valuable Player), with my definition being, the people most susceptible to change the outcome of the story in my opinion (there are some chapters where I thought that wasn't really relevant, so no one is mentioned here for those chapters). Context: We're doing a GoT watch party with some of my friends, with us naming our MVP for each episode, so I thought I could do the same for the books.

Things I loved/liked (generally in order of preference, with 1 the one I loved the most and then as the list goes on, some afterthoughts).

Things I disliked/hated (same order of preference).

Quotes (and sometimes little explanation of why I chose those).

Thoughts overall (in a few words).

Be warned: Do not expect any major analysis. I tend to read and not really analyze anything with real life parallels, so you might disagree/know more than I do.

Also, expect some swearing, and perhaps (though I'm not really sure as I haven't shared my thoughts with anybody before) some funny things.

I think that's about everything I wanted to say. Happy reading if you want to take the same to read my self-called "reviews"!

I might re-read A Game of Thrones after finishing the five books in the main ASOIAF series (or more if future books get published in the meantime, though I'm not keeping my hopes up on that). If I do, you might expect "reviews" under this format (or another if it changes in the meantime) for AGoT as well.

[thimbledoll]

Sure, why not?

3 ships / First ever ship: Oh jeez... I've never been deep into shipping, but I guess some of the ones that I've felt strongly about have been:

There was this Konata x Kagami Lucky Star doujin, Lonely Kagamin, that I remember from years and years ago that was about how they ended up drifting apart after graduation and became... very lonely and depressed to the point of needing a CW. They ended up reconnecting in the doujin and becoming each other's reason to continue living and... I dunno, it stuck with me and permanently altered how I see anything they're in.

Patchouli Knowledge x either Masria Kirisame or Alice Margatroid from Touhou. It's the most basic ship in the franchise, but I've always vibed very hard with Patchouli, so stuff like the PV for COOL&CREATE's cover of Locked Girl really stuck with me and I totally swear it's never made me cry... >.>

My most recent was probably Suletta Mercury x Miorine Rembrand from Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury. As much as I ended up liking that series, I wish they'd had more time to explore things and that certain things were more spelled out.

Last song: The Middle, by Jimmy Eat World, because that's what Pandora decided to play for me, but that's kind of boring. More interestingly, I recently discovered thanks to a video essay I watched that the Death Note musical, actually kinda slaps. Hard. I've been hooked on the entire soundtrack since, but I'll just link the opening song for now, Where is the Justice?, as performed by Jeremy Jordan.

Last movie: Nomina. It's incredibly impressive how they managed to weave such a complex theme into what really does work as a Pixar-esque children's movie.

Currently reading: I really need to get back to finishing it, but a while back I started Atalanta, by Jennifer Saint, a re-imagining of the myth of the only female Argonaut.

Currently watching: Frieren: Beyond Journey's End!! It's the story of an elven mage who, after a typical D&D adventure of banishing a demon king, is perplexed by how her compatriots feel so changed by their travels and time together, but from her perspective a "mere ten year adventure" is nothing. Her perspective is utterly rocked when fifty years later they get together for the first time since their travels and she realizes that even though her time may be nigh-infinite, the time of those she cares for isn't. I fucking love it. It's so good.

Currently consuming: Nothing. I'm that type of person who friends have to constantly chastise for not eating, because it's 8pm and I haven't eaten in 24 hours... >.>

Currently craving: Uncertain. Went to the cupboards and fridge just a moment ago. Nothing looked good. I'll check later when I'm hungrier and more desperate.

I dunno about tagging nine people, but I'll tag a few.

@absentwriterdoll, @verity-hollow, @lynnarang, @silverchangeling, @waffliesinyoface

Tag 9 people to get to know better

from @the-world-annealing

3 ships / First ever ship: it's extremely tumblr that this is the first question.

the weird Alucard/Seras/Integra polycule in Hellsing left a permanent impact on me, i think. the loyalty of a weapon, a hound, to its handler.

reimu/yukari as depicted in "Teeth and Claws"

augmented human c4-621/catching a fucking break for once in its life

Last song: Rusted Pride from the AC6 soundtrack. i was talking with @yashkonu about certain AC6 things last night and i just had to listen to it.

Last movie: uhh, probably Across the Spider-Verse? i'm not much of a movie person.

Currently reading: i haven't been reading as much as i'd "like" to, but I really need to finish the Machineries of Empire trilogy by reading Revenant Gun.

Currently watching: re-watching Yuri is My Job! with a friend, and watching 16bit Sensation: Another Layer, the Arknights anime, and

Currently consuming: just had some grape juice :)

Currently craving: really sour really caffeinated energy drinks. shouldn't have one though because if i have both energy drinks and my adhd medication i have an extremely bad time

normally i don't tag forward but i'm trying to be a little more social. no pressure if you don't wanna ofc.

let's say... @yashkonu @such-sweet-entropy @kaiasky @phaeton-flier @twilight-sparkle-irl @abalidoth @oathboundfamiliar @self-loving-vampire @thimbledoll

[night-unfurls-its-splendour]

Every Emma Woodhouse Ranked and Rated

With all my reviews of all the period-set adaptations now finished, I'm beginning my series in which I rate and rank each interpretation of all the principle characters, starting with our girl Emma!

Now I wanna be clear--I am not rating the actresses that played Emma. I am rating how the character was handled in general in each adaptation. The actresses are a factor, but they're not the sole factor, since the writer and director have as much, if not more, to do with how the character ends up in the finished product. So without futher ado, let's rank...

“Emma Woodhouse, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and happy disposition, seemed to unite some of the best blessings of existence; and had lived nearly twenty-one years in the world with very little to distress or vex her….

“The real evils indeed of Emma’s situation were the power of having rather too much of her own way, and a disposition to think a little too well of herself; these were the disadvantages that threatened alloy to her many enjoyments.”

NUMBER 5: 1972

Portrayed by: Doran Godwin

Age at time of filming: 28

Clocking in as the oldest actress to play Austen’s famously TWENTY-ONE year old heroine (at the ripe age of 28), Doran Godwin also snags the coveted position as inhabiting the worst portrayal of the character (in my personal estimation) to date.

Just about everything about this interpretation of Emma Woodhouse is bad, from her seemingly automated recital of her lines to her all-too-intense, wide-eyed, hypnotic stare. The 1972 portrayal of Emma highlights all the character’s worst qualities while also failing to convincingly communicate her good qualities, such as her caring nature. The script is equally to blame for the awfulness of this interpretation, adding unnecessarily cruel and condescending lines, including one where she negs Harriet for being sad after Elton’s marriage, and then forces Harriet to come with her to meet the new Mrs. Elton, when Emma in the book did her best to shield Harriet from exactly that kind of situation.

Godwin couldn’t pass for 21 if her life had depended on it, and the worst part is that the script actually states Emma’s age, so she seems like a bit of a crazy spinster, preying on the naïve Harriet. Whether it’s her intent to bathe in Harriet’s blood to keep herself young, or to bake her into a pie is up for debate.

Rating: 1/5 Half-finished portraits

NUMBER 4: 2020

Portrayed by: Anya Taylor Joy

Age at time of filming: 23

I thought long and hard about this. This movie is a modern period drama phenomenon. It’s gotten so many people into Jane Austen and satisfied long-time Austen fans by giving them an interpretation they never dared hope to see. It’s a gorgeous film.

But I don’t like this interpretation of Emma Woodhouse. Though Anya Taylor Joy is one of the youngest actresses to play Emma (only two years older than the character) she’s played with a careful stiffness that perhaps shows us a glimpse of the Lady Catherine she might turn into without swift intervention. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, and this isn’t a commentary on Anya Taylor Joy either—her appearance or her acting ability—but I just don’t like her as Emma. And she’s not the sole problem, she turns in a solid performance, she’s a good actress, but something about this characterization is just off-color to me. Anya Taylor Joy plays a great mean-girl; but I think that’s one of the reasons why they thought she’d be a good choice for this role, and it’s one of the prime reasons I don’t think she wasright for it. Emma is a deeply flawed character and, of course, the biggest turning point in her story comes as a result of a thoughtlessly mean remark to someone who has only ever shown her deference, hospitality and gratitude.

All that said, Emma is not, at her core, a cruel person. Emma has gone all her life thinking condescending things about Miss Bates but it’s only when Frank comes along and validates her less kind commentaries that she actually starts to voice them in search of validation from a peer.

The problem with this in the context of 2020’s Emma Woodhouse is that Frank hardly gets a look-in in this adaptation. Emma’s relationship with him is severely underdeveloped and the actors don’t have enough chemistry to pull it off in the limited time they’re given. The result is that Emma appears to cross a line just to cross it, and it pushes Emma’s character from thoughtless to out-and-out frigid.

Still better than Doran Godwin, since she's identifiably human.

Rating: 2 1/2 / 5 Half-finished portraits

NUMBER 3: 1996 (MIRAMAX)

Portrayed by: Gwyneth Paltrow

Age at time of filming: 24

Despite the fact that Gwyneth Paltrow was an appalling casing choice for Emma Woodhouse (I will be forever salty that they passed over Joely Richardson), and I know there are some who will think me, at best, crazy (sacrilegious, at worst) for ranking 1996’s interpretation of Emma higher than 2020, I actually feel that solidly in the middle is right where this version of the character belongs.

There’s so much wrong with this Emma: she swings from mature to bizarrely infantile at the drop of a hat, much of her script is genuinely tragic, Gwyneth can’t convincingly portray Emma's social naiveté, her accent is overwhelmingly nasal and impossible to listen to, just for starters.

And yet… I don’t hate her. I don’t like her particularly either, but even though much of the dialogue re-working butchered Austen’s prose, there are a lot of things McGrath seems to have gotten right about Emma’s character. Her relationship with Knightley feels comfortable and playful, and, while Emma of the book probably doesn’t really care for Harriet Smith in the spirit of true bosom friendship, I believe she does care about her and wishes to spare her (further) pain. She shows exasperation with Harriet while still being patient with her, which is very much in the spirit of the book. Her concern for Harriet at the ball feels real, and her contrition at Box Hill following Knightley’s rebuke, while not profound, at least feels like contrition and not self-pity.

Perhaps, given the soft-take that the Miramax version is, it shouldn’t be surprising that the biggest faults in characterization rest on awkward writing and the biggest triumphs highlight Emma’s better side. It’s not a very in-depth take on the character, but it at least, is an adequate one.

Rating: 3/5 Half-finished portraits

NUMBER 2: 1996/97 (ITV)

Portrayed by: Kate Beckinsale

Age at time of filming: 23

Those who’ve read my reviews of each adaptation of Emma might be surprised to see ITV’s portrayal of the title character sitting so high on my list. To be frank, it’s a distant second, and she may have stolen the number two spot only because she’s played by Kate Beckinsale and not Gwyneth Paltrow.

In truth, I see a lot of parallels between 1997’s Emma and 2020’s. Both actresses were 23 (or thereabouts) when they played the role, both have extremely childish moments, and both crumple down and burst into tears that don’t feel entirely genuine after Box Hill.

So why is 1997 on the good side of the number 3 spot and 2020 isn’t? I’m not precisely sure. I think it may be because Andrew Davies (and/or Diarmuid Lawrence) at least understood the scale of Emma Woodhouse’s wealth and status. This Emma feels sufficiently self-important, a bit haughty, sure—but she’s also believably naïve. You feel her isolation, you understand her caring relationship with her father, and she’s not as patently rude to Robert Martin compared to the 2020 version (she at least acknowledges his presence when he meets Emma and Harriet in the lane).

Grudging though this favorable placement may be, I can at least acknowledge that Emma herself is the least of my problems with this version, and even though Beckinsale’s acting is a bit sketchy at certain points, she also has some truly great moments, especially her interaction with Robert Martin at the end of the film. This portrayal is consistent, and Emma’s better qualities aren’t overpowered by her negative ones.

Rating: 4/5 Half-finished portraits

Number 1: 2009

Portrayed by: Romola Garai

Age at time of filming: 26

And in a shocking twist—I’m kidding this is neither shocking nor unexpected to anyone who knows me or has read my blog/reviews of the Emma adaptations. Am I totally biased? Probably. I don’t care, this is a completely subjective list. Here, finally—my first and true love as Emma Woodhouse—is Romola Garai. I suppose it’s also not surprising that the first actress I ever saw in the role would still be my favorite a decade on. I just love everything about this interpretation of the character. She rides the very difficult line of being bright, caring and intelligent, while also being completely naïve and lacking in social savvy (in her own age-group at least), coddled, and painfully sure of her own self-importance.

Even though Garai was 25 or 26 at the time (far too old for the character—almost as old as Doran Godwin) her energy and charisma are enough that she’s able to carry it off convincingly. Everything about this Emma screams youth, and when Emma’s child-like social ignorance is her most prominent characteristic, it feels authentic and natural. Equally authentic are her emotions—her love for her family, her dynamic with Knightley, he exasperation, patience, and concern with Harriet. Most of all though, this Emma seems to experience the most maturation in the last quarter of the story. Box Hill really feels like a turning point—not just a chastened young woman, but a true coming-of-age moment. Emma faces a reckoning here that begins a chain reaction culminating in her realization of her feelings for Knightley, and everything from the writing to Garai’s performance conveys the magnitude of this shift in Emma’s life.

This version of the character seems the most… complete to me. Somehow, between Romola Garai’s vibrancy, Sandy Welch’s screenplay and Jim O’Hanlon’s direction, this interpretation takes an extremely divisive character and helps the viewer understand just why everyone in Highbury loves Emma Woodhouse.

Rating: 5/5 Half-finished portraits

~~~~

If you liked this, check out my rankings of Mr. and Mrs. Weston

[mrpenguinpants]

Oh lore?? I read your post on Dainsleif and BOY it gave me a lot to think about dsfjgkd

Along the same vein, what do you think of the relationship between the unknown god and Kaenri'ah? In Albedo's trailer they seemed to reference two new elements (time and being) and if perhaps the unknown god is the god of time, then does Khemia make use of "being" in its creation of life?

In Mihoyo's other game (honkai) they introduced a new "type" about halfway through the story which seems to me to be similar to the abyss in Genshin. The quanta type is independent of the three types that were present from the beginning of the game and it's tied to an abyss style region called the Sea of Quanta. Maybe I'm reading too much into it and they don't plan to imitate what they did in Honkai but?? Time and being as new "elements" introduced a few years into the game seems possible at least?? Maybe they're exclusive to delusions bc there's only the seven Archons at this time so no one can grant time/being visions lol

Djfkdj I hope this was at least slightly understandable I love looking into lore especially for things I write about!! I'll end this now before it gets too long lmao the new tumblr asks give me too much power XD

TUMBLR DELETED MY REPLY AHHHHH I HAD TO RE-WRITE EVERYTHING. THAT’S WHY I’M LATE TO THE PARTY. I’M SO SORRY CATTY 😭

---

Major spoilers for Khaenri’ah and minor spoilers for the unknown god

:DD I’m glad you read my word vomit haha. I love talking about lore so much, ty for enabling me. 

What do you think of the relationship between the unknown god and Khaenri’ah?

The logical side of my brain thinks:

They either have nothing to do with each other and Mihoyo really likes using the same star for everything and Khaenri’ah just happens to live in the void or sky so the easiest way to distinguish citizens from there is the star (or it was just hot to put star pupils in and you know what, they were right). 

Or there’s some sort of connection between the Eclipse dynasty that ruined Khaenri’ah and the unknown god. Since genshin really likes to do that (see Zhongli and everyone calling him Morax before 1.1 dropped). 

Re-watching the prologue cutscene and “we will be reunited” (Gonna refer to this a WWBR) Aether drew the same two stars into the sand which makes me believe that either a. stars literally have nothing to do with anything and Teyvat only knows how to draw one star (which doesn’t hold up well considering Mona’s outfit and pin) or b. there’s some kind of connection there. The way Paimon phrases her question she says: 

“But when you wanted to leave and go onto the next world your path was blocked by an unknown god?”

It implies that Aether and Lumine have already travelled through Teyvat since we see two yellow stars travel over Liyue and Mondstadt. I know Aether was sent into some sort of deep sleep and only now awoke and met Paimon (since in the trailer we can see the lantern festival and the genshin upload was in march (chinese new year is in feb) but I’m not super sure on these details but I’m pretty sure it’s canon that this happened based on WWBR). 

Then when the unknown god appears and the same 3 red stars appear [tumblr throws a fit when I try and upload this]

She refers to us as Outlanders and calls herself 

“The sustainer of heavenly principles. The arrogation of mankind ends now.”

This could be a reference to “being” that was in the Albedo trailer while Dainsleif is “time” since time is "not something he lacks". If we’re going on the theory that Dainsleif is actually a god then maybe they are fighting? Or in some type of push and pull war. It would make sense since the Unknown God believes in heavenly principles (so the rules either set by Celestia or Gods themselves) and believes mankind is arrogant and wishes to either destroy it or remove it entirely. The complete opposite of Dainsleif who believes in mankind and hates anything relating to the Archons.

Or dainsleif has nothing to do with the unknown god and is just a final challenge to the player who will then face off against the Unknown God. 

In Albedo's trailer they seemed to reference two new elements (time and being) and if perhaps the unknown god is the god of time, then does Khemia make use of "being" in its creation of life?

In this theory, this would make the Unknown God the god of time, which is also equally as valid. Since she does talk about time and how the arrogation of mankind ends now. I think it’s right to assume that Khemia makes use of being in its creation of life since we see Albedo talk about chalk and turning things from “nothing” (it’s not really nothing, he’s still using something or the “being” in order to transform it) to something. 

If Dainsleif uses Khemia or even created it then taught it to the people of Khaenri’ah to help them survive in their archonless land, that could be a valid reason why he believes in the strength of mankind. Since the unknown god’s power seems to consume the person trapped within (as we see in the prologue). Plus in WWBR we see first hand how destructive that power is. This could also be the time where Dainsleif lost faith or hated the celestial beings. 

---

In WWBR, according to the wiki it states that our sibling was taken to another point in time, in an unknown location. But this event leads the sibling (Lumine) to become the leader of the Abyss Order. 

Lumine says: 

“But until the abyss has engulfed the thrones, my war with destiny will see no end.”

Lumine seems to know about the archons and the abyss mages follow her so it’s safe to assume that the “abyss” she refers to is either something entirely new or the red blocks we see here. It seems as if she’s trying to change destiny which could be why Dainsleif wants to save her. 

I will say right now, I really hope the theory that Paimon is secretly the unknown god doesn’t come true. I know it’s funny and I would enjoy seeing our emergency food pull a turned table on us but unless there are more instances where it’s hinted or it’s handled really well I would not like it. I just finished a manga and I felt like I was watching 20M plot twists happen in the span of 3 pages. I would totally be okay if the unknown god and paimon were somehow related (I can understand that) but I unless it’s handed really well or as the story progresses and we get more info on paimon. it would just be really out of left field. I haven’t seen any theories on this and I honestly try and stay away from lore posts until I’ve finished mine because I feel that might make my ideas biased.

The “everything must be connected into some kind of plotline or I will make it a plotline” brain thinks:

Now, this is just be spit balling and making up my own headcanons with no lore to go off on. This is pure indulgent stuff with no research to back it up besides very loose threads. 

I’d like to believe that since the Eclipse Dynasty was the last dynasty before Khaenri’ah fell. That might be what is being depicting above in WWBR. Perhaps khemia backfired or the unknown god turned against the people for their arrogance (I’m not sure if people know the myth but in short terms, a giant stole fire to help the people who were cold. He was punished for going against the gods and saving the people, this could be similar to Dainsleif). 

Perhaps Lumine and Aether had stopped this event from happening and as they were about to leave, the unknown god appears and separates them for their arrogant actions against the Gods and sends Lumine back to the past. Without her brother she ended up failing in saving Khaenri’ah. Or, the image we see is actually the future and she goes back in time to try and prevent that event from occurring, still trying to beat destiny but this time in the future. 

Or another idea, Lumine has only seen the evil that’s depicted and hasn’t personally met any of the archons. We actually got to meet Venti and Zhongli so we obviously want to protect them from Lumine’s point of view, that might not be the same so she aligns with the abyss order that tries to control Dvalin. So her goal is to somehow defeat the archons and that could be why the Cyro archon is trying to collect them all in her war of peace. 

Honkai and quanta

It’s kinda funny but there’s no reliable wiki source for this sea of quanta like there is for genshin, or at least I couldn’t find anything. I think they might nod at certain things between the two but I think it’s totally fine to believe they might do some sort of crossover and take some inspiration. We have Mona who was able to read the stars and Scaramouche who said the sky was a giant hoax so I think time and being becoming new elements is very possible. But I don’t really know a lot about Honkai so I can’t really say too much about it haha. 

---

Yep no worries, it was fun talking about some more lore and if you have any more I’d love to hear them. Haha, honestly pop off I love getting long asks. As always, it’s nice seeing you again catty 💕💕

[mirrorforevers]

silently • graham coxon/reader

this is a direct result of this prompt right here

don’t b sorry love, we’re all horny here. this prompt immediately took me out of my writer’s block so yeah gsdjsdhgsdj it was a blessing! tysm for sending it n i rly rly hope u enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it aaaaa i literally couldn’t stop. this one has a special place in my heart now.

also please tell me whatchu think abt this one on my askbox! unbeta’ed bc i love danger

word count: 2.809

warnings: smut. shameless, fast paced fluffy smut.

You couldn't understand why the hell he was so nervous. On the way to your parents' home he asked more questions than a 4-year-old on their way to a park - what are they like, what do they like to do, do they know Blur? Do you think they will find my shoe ridiculous? I'm sure they'll think I’m a weirdo. What did you tell them about me? Even the many kisses you gave him were not enough to calm him down, leaving you to assure him that even if your parents didn't like him - which would be impossible, Graham was never better and more pleasant to live with - you would continue to like him. Very much.

Couldn't live without him, actually.

When you arrive at the door, your mother greets you with a wide, surprised smile - it didn't even seem like she had been begging to meet Graham for months and meticulously planned every minute of the time you would spend together. Her friendly posture seemed to make him more comfortable, the fact that your father was traveling also ended up making him more relaxed. “Dads are always frightening,” he’d say. He agreed to spend the rest of the night there after having an extremely pleasant dinner.

While he does the dishes, you and your mother clean the table when you decide to stop by the kitchen to talk to your boyfriend.

"It wasn't that difficult, was it?" You ask, a daring tone in your voice.

He smiles sheepishly. "Everything went significantly better than I thought it would, honestly."

“You did well. Not that she is hard to please, but you are really sweet.” You kiss him on the cheek. (It's so cute how he still blushes at these things after months of dating.)

"Thank you, love."

"I mean it. I think you deserve a gift for being like this.”

He looks at you, starting to pay even greater attention to the direction of the conversation. “And what do you have in mind?”

You whisper in his ear in the most seemingly innocuous tone you can feign. “I, for one, think you should fuck me senseless in the room upstairs.” He smiles, gaze a little lost in his surroundings as it usually goes whenever he’s pleasantly disconcerted by your dirty talk. Your hands travel his body subtly under his shirt. He hisses: “Can’t wait.” His voice is weak. You love to tease him like that.

You give him a little peck where his mouth and cheek meet – and then you motion to leave after a wink. “See you in a few minutes.”

“Babies, sorry to interrupt,” your mom arrives at the door, instantly killing off the whole mood you’ve created. “I forgot to tell you, but some other people from our family will be here in a few minutes. We’re not done yet!”

Graham’s really confused. You shrug and give him some context – “My family just loves gatherings in general. And they’re excited that I have a boyfriend now, apparently.” To which your mom points: “Exactly! They want to meet you too, Coxon!”

You can feel the anxiety building in him again already. He’s so uncomfortable it hurts, and you know his head is spinning. He doesn’t want to let you down, and after your mom leaves, you go back to calming him down again. “Baby, it’s okay, I promise. If you­’re too overwhelmed we--”

“No, no. I signed up for this. I’ll be okay. I’ll have a drink or two…”

You completely discard this possibility. No associating alcohol to social abilities anymore after everything he went through because of it. “No. We’ll find other ways to calm you down.” After some seconds of a silent yet intense brainstorm, you have an idea. But you won’t tell him. “Ok, I know what to do to take your mind off the pressure. Just wait and see, and no beers, alright?”

“Alright… I guess.”

After giving him yet another peck while he finishes cleaning the plates, you quickly run upstairs to change from the tight jeans and band shirt you’re wearing to a very light and flimsy sundress. And that’s all the clothing you choose. It fits you well, and leaves not much to the imagination. You know it’s a family gathering, but it’s also summer, so no severe dress codes were being enforced in any significant way.

He reads your mind the moment he sees you in the dress, shaking his head in pleased disbelief at the sight. He mouths a small “you didn’t” while a stupidly joyful smile slowly shines over the tight expression of worry he once had. To which you mouth back: “I did.” You then go back to playfully teasing each other a bit while you take care of the sudden assembly’s preparations.

Your family members arrive and, as expected, they’re really thrilled to meet your guy. Graham answers so many questions, and ends up sharing so much of how he feels about you with them, and bit by bit, the warmth and wholesome aura of your closest relatives makes him feel truly welcomed. He feels like he knows you even better now, now that he knows where your energy and vitality come from. He could see bits of your personality in every single one of them – of course you are still the splendid whole, but still. It made sense.

Also, you noticed he didn’t take his eyes off you the entire time. He was hungry and you’re glad your plan worked. It was easier to forget about how hard sociability is when his mind was somewhere else.

After a while, though, you could sense him getting fidgetier. Even though he was considerably and visibly more relaxed than he was a few hours ago, that amount of social interaction, specially while sober, still drained a lot of his energy. You take his hands, announcing you two were getting something else to eat. You go to the kitchen, not bothering to turn on the lights, and though the house is empty you two could still hear the enthusiastic discussion your family is having outside, slightly drowned by the distance and the walls separating you now.

“You did so great, baby.” You smile, giving him a victory kiss while he envelops you in a tight hug. He’s proud of himself too, and he deserves to feel like that. “They love you already.”

“They’re just like you, in a way. I’m glad everything went well,” he sounds relieved, still tired, but relieved. “I couldn’t stop thinking about that proposal you made me earlier, though.”

“I know,” You plant a chaste kiss on his jaw. “I felt your eyes on me.”

This second kiss he gives you feels different. It’s longer. Famished. Purposeful. His hands are friskier now, traveling hastily throughout your body, and you alternate between giving in and becoming progressively more alert of your surroundings. You can have an idea of where this is heading. The swirling of his tongue around yours makes you dizzy, and the feeling somewhat akin to an electric shock – but milder, and definitely more carnal – that flows through your body when he bites your lower lip and brings your hips closer to his brings you back to reality. “We have to be careful,” you whisper, each of your lips just barely touching while you breathe each other’s air.

“I promise I’ll be. You look delicious in this dress, I… don’t know where to start.” He cups your cheeks while drawing imaginary lines across your lips with the tip of his thumbs.

“Think fast. Never took you for a quickie guy.” You chuckle.

“I like to take my time, yes, but some things can’t wait.”

And with that, with the dexterity and carefulness of a cat, he sinks to his knees in front of you, lifting up your dress with one hand and one of your legs with the other, your leg now resting on one of his large shoulders. He takes hold of your hips, angling you toward him. You hiss in anticipation, and you can feel your core burning in expectation too. Your hands now firmly grab the counter behind you for support while you turn behind you with attentive eyes to see if no one’s coming. You’re safe, for now. The thrill of getting caught is one that will never get old.

His eyes seek yours for reassurance. You, without a word, give it to him. You both look lovely bathed in moonlight. He teases you first, kissing and sucking at the skin on your inner thighs, moving closer and closer to your center until after a couple minutes of that sweet agony his lips graze across that aching part of you.

He flicks his tongue delicately through your folds, playing with your wetness. The way his hands caress your lifted thigh so delicately while his tongue inscribes poems to your clit is something that makes your stomach flutter, you simply can’t ignore those tiny adorable actions that make loving him so addictive and rewarding. Keeping yourself silent and struggling to remain somewhat composed to anyone who might see you from outside is a painfully arousing contradiction to the sensations you’re feeling. He’s doing his best to fuck you up, gradually setting a rhythmic pace to his movements with the intent to release the spring now starting to coil tightly low in your abdomen.

“Jesus, Gra—f-fuck. Fuck.” You whisper, breathlessly, while simultaneously suppressing a moan when he delves his tongue even deeper in your core, your fingers instinctively curling and closing a fist on his hair, making him groan. You buck your hips against his lips and you can feel sweat beading on the backs of your knees, heart threatening to jump out of your mouth by how fast it’s racing.

You suddenly freeze when you hear a voice from outside approaching the kitchen and you lightly tap his shoulder. Graham stops on command, but he won’t get up until he’s absolutely certain he should. He sprinkles your thigh with small kisses again, eyes droopy with the high from giving you the pleasure he knows he’s giving you while he admires you. The person heading for the kitchen takes a turn to the opposite side and you sigh in relief. “False alarm. Go on, baby.”

“Yes, ma’am.” You notice he’s panting, and you can only guess how hard he is, judging by the tone of his voice. The time you spent frozen wasn’t enough to completely burn out the fire he’d already created within you, but he’s determined to give you an orgasm before anyone can interrupt you again – now he had two fingers moving, stroking, curling inside of you in delightful ways while his tongue began to work your clit in tight little circles. You could feel him moaning against your sex, he really liked this. And fuck, he was good at it. He slips one more finger into you, his ring finger, making your pleasure soon explode into a trembling climax. You couldn’t stop the little sound you made and he kisses your thigh in reply while still lazily fucking you with his fingers. “So fucking beautiful,” he whispers.

One of your hands move to your mouth in order to cover the sound you really want to make. Graham, once again, looks really proud of himself.

He slowly pulls his fingers out of you and cleans them with his tongue before he lifts up again as inconspicuously as possible. You try to look like nothing happened, and you’re both glad that, apparently, no one’s giving a single fuck to whatever’s going on where you are. Given the realization, you look at each other and giggle. He then pulls you in a hug, voice husky when he teases, and confesses, “You can’t imagine how bad I want to fuck you right here. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“We’ll have to take this to the bedroom, love.” You reply, still recovering from your orgasm. You can’t risk more than you’ve already risked. He looks slightly…

Disappointed.

You smile. “You thrill-seeking bastard. You enjoyed this way too much, didn’t you?”

“Didn’t you?” He questions back, tickling your sides, a wide, satisfied smile on his face. God, you loved him so much. He pulls you back to him again, and you turn to the other side so he can grind against you from behind. He’s rock hard. “We have some thick curtains here, after all.” You say, mischievously, before you close the curtains as carefully as possible. He lifts up your dress once again, this time high enough so he can fill his hands with your breasts, and he, agonizingly slowly, teases your nipples with his fingertips while he keeps grinding against you. This, alone, gets you motivated enough for another round. “God, Coxon, you’re going to be the death of me.” Your voice’s painfully needy, just like every other part of you.

You spread your legs a little wider to give him better access to you. Feeling cool air against your bare ass, you bite your lip and screw your eyes shut when his hand squeezes your butt. “Dripping wet for me. You’re glistening.” He quietly notes, giving your butt a little kiss - you then look over your shoulder to watch him get his jeans open. His hard cock bounces against your ass as he pushes his boxers down. You wiggle to get him inside you while he tortuously slowly runs the tip of his cock between the slick folds of your pussy. When it bumps against your sensitive clit, you can’t stop the mewl of his name.

After a few more hard breaths, he was inside you. You’re hungry for him too, and the sound of your body clashing against his is something unbelievable. You begin in a faster pace than the one you’re used to – and that’s not a problem. At all. Speed is of essence, but you’re also starving for each other. It feels like no contact is ever 100% enough.

Your hands keep firmly gripping the balcony and when he lowers his chest against your back you can’t hold back the involuntary gasp that leaves your throat and echoes through the empty house. One of his large hands holds your hips in place while he fucks you mercilessly, the other one covers your mouth hastily – his shaky voice betrays how badly this is affecting him too. “Shhh, love. You don't want anyone seeing you in that state. So fucking tight around me.”

He was sinking more deeply into you with each thrust now, and trying to keep your eyes open while his now awaken dominant side is doing that to you, exactly the way you want him to, is torture. You feel like you’re going to pass out from the all the sensorial and contextual stimulation. “You want me to come inside you, baby?” To which you keenly reply with a nod, not bothering to uncover your mouth. This was perfect.

He edged his hips back so he reaches your most sensitive spot and his grip on your mouth constricts when he notices how loud you want to be. “Feels like a dream inside you but keep. Quiet.” His voice lowers to a breathy whisper against your throat and the hands that were holding your hips in place now snaked to the front of your body to help you get off. And like that, you do, coming a second time, this orgasm even more intense than the last. The way your walls twitch around his dick is enough to push him over the edge too, and you feel him spilling inside you. You milk him of every drop, and after you both ride off your high, you feel a tender kiss that lasts for a while in your scalp, a silent “thank you” while he slips out of you.

You put your dress back on place, trying to compose yourself before you can look another human in the eye again. You have a positively overwhelmed, just-woke-up-from-an-incredible-dream look on your face. “You better not get me addicted to this kind of risky shit.”

He laughs while he also does his best to look like not one hair or piece of clothing ever went out of place. “Sorry, Y/N, I think I already did.”

[recurring-polynya]

I was reading your response to that anon about renji's character - very nice response by the way! - and saw your tag about "infinite jest." I own that book and i'm curious on your thoughts on it? i find it a bit daunting (my paperback is in size 9 font, single space [!!!]) and i have plans to read it this summer. How did you feel about the story? Would you reread it? Did you take notes? (I read a review where someone had a notebook on the book so they could keep track of the story). If you answer, thank you for doing so!

WOW I feel like I have been waiting my whole life for someone to ask me for my Infinite Jest wisdom! I feel so honored!

So, I read Infinite Jest twice, about 7 years ago. I am constantly threatening to read it again. The first time took me six months, I do not remember how long the second time took. I did not do this for a class or anything, I just did it because I am insufferable.

My first tip to reading Infinite Jest is to think of it as a project, not like reading a book. Reading Infinite Jest is not very much at all like reading a book. It is not a story. It is the negative space where a story should be. It is weird and boring and confusing and insufferable, and reading it changed my entire perspective on what stories are and formed a new lens through which I perceive all media. I habitually read before bed, and there were some nights I was not able to make it through an entire page. This is not to say I read it and gave up--the text is very rich and chewy and sometimes I was just “full” after just a few paragraphs.

I am not sure if taking notes would help. The problem with Infinite Jest is that it presents you with a fantastic volume of information, most of which is only tangential related to the “story”. I feel like trying to keep track of what’s happening might make things harder. A lot of the information is arranged in appendixes at the end for easy reference. I think I read The Filmography of J. O. Incandenza about eleventy-thousand times, and the very serious descriptions of made up movies featuring an anthology-style cast has stuck with me more than an other aspect of the book (Blood Sister: One Tough Nun and Medusa vs. the Odalisque in particular). I feel like color sticky tabs might be more helpful, if you’re looking for an organizational scheme? I had two book marks, one to mark my regular place and one to mark my place in the appendixes.

You should probably be passingly familiar with Hamlet before you read it. For some reason, the entire first time I read it, it never occurred to me that it was a retelling of Hamlet, but it is, in fact, a weird, tennis and drug-themed re-telling of Hamlet. That’s why it’s called Infinite Jest, you see. I am a moron.

I did not take notes. I just let it wash over me. The first thing I did when I finished reading it, was to pick up my phone and google “what happened at the end of Infinite Jest”. I read a few blog posts and learned some things. I also felt reassured that no one really knows what happened at the end of Infinite Jest. The second read was much, much more satisfying, now that I knew what the hell was happening.

If you are not enjoying your Infinite Jest experience, you should stop. It was a very rewarding project for me, but it was also a lot of work. There is a certain kind of person who will tell you “everyone should read Infinite Jest!” and I heartily disagree. It is definitely Not for Everyone and there is no shame in giving it a shot and then giving up or taking a pass entirely.

It takes place in the not-so-distant future. Half of the book is extremely prescient, and half of it misses the mark in a hilarious way. DFW completely predicted Netflix streaming and Zoom backgrounds, but he also thought that people would get obsessed with live events and would go to see ice melt on a duck pond. A significant portion of the novel details an amateur documentary made with puppets detailing an idiot president coming to power, taking over Mexico and Canada, and turning Vermont into a nuclear waste dump and I am honestly afraid to reread the book because of how it’s just going to be an extremely accurate depiction of the Trump presidency.

I do want to point out that DFW was both a problematic and deeply troubled man. He is not very good at writing anyone who is not a cis white man. I think he meant well, but we all know what that’s worth. When I read the book, I was not as discerning about these things as I am now, but I definitely recall some cringing, and I suspect I would be cringing even harder if I re-read it now. To me, DFW was an incredibly interesting writer. His descriptions of depression are unparalleled. He thought very deeply about what it means to be human, as is evident in his This is Water speech (a friend of mine happened to graduate from Kenyon when he gave that speech and said it was amazing in person). I often wonder what sort of person he would be if he had lived, what his opinion would be on things like the Black Lives Matter movement. I am not a DFW scholar, I cannot say. He is not with us anymore, though, and my philosophy is take his writings with the grain of salt that he was who he was. Infinite Jest is not a happy book about well-adjusted people.

Michael Schur, one of the creators of Parks and Rec, B99, and The Good Place is a huge Infinite Jest fan and wrote his thesis on it and owns the film rights to the book. Parks and Rec contains a number of Infinite Jest references, but they are mostly just names, they aren’t anything very clever. The Good Place is full of rich Infinite Jest vibes. Schur also directed the music video for the Decemberist’s Calamity Song, which is a scene from the book where the tennis kids play a weird game about nuclear brinksmanship. I did not know this the first time I saw the music video and I wish there was footage of me watching it and losing my shit in real time as it slowly dawned on me what was happening. If you have read my fanfic Call Me Back When the War is Over, the scene where they watch the Brawl is loosely based on this scene.

I wish you luck in your quest! One thing that may happen to you is that you may feel the need to talk about Infinite Jest, and if so I am here, please feel free to message me if you need.

[barbitone]

HELLO!!!! i'd just like to tell you how thankful i am for everything you've written for capri ;____; berencel is my ride or die ship (aside from lamen of course!) and i've reread so many of your fics – which is why i'm reaching out to you now, since i JUST reread your space au and am currently going to start on your ballet au, which i'm sure i'll enjoy. uhhh that's it!!! i hope u are safe and healthy in these trying times! :)

Thank you so much for the lovely comment!!! I’m glad you’re enjoying re-reading fics :) Hope you like the ballet AU!

In light of the quarantine, I figured I’d share the beginning of my latest fic, which is a sort of regency AU and is basically an excuse for Berencel to just... flirt a lot, I guess

The cool night air on the patio was a relief after the bustle of the party inside. Berenger leaned against the railing, closing his eyes as he breathed in the fresh air and the blissful silence while he waited for Parsins to bring the carriage around.

If it were up to him, he’d give all such events a pass. Alas, his status did not permit it. He had to show his face sometimes, if only to remind the other scheming aristocrats that he was still their liege-lord.

He winced when he heard the door opening and schooled his features into a neutral expression as he listened to the approaching footsteps, resolved to ignore their owner. No doubt some merchant or minor nobleman come to try and win his favor, or try to wheedle out a trade deal, or an extension on their tax payments, or-

“Do you have a light?” a lilting voice asked.

Berenger sighed inwardly, annoyed. He’d already put on his riding gloves and wasn’t about to take them off to accommodate some boorish dandy who couldn’t be bothered to carry their own lighter. He’d meant to say as much, turning. 

“I-” he started and was immediately drawn up short by a vision of a man dressed in a fine green satin jacket. Even in the moonlight his hair was red as flames, and his plump lips were pursed in a smirk that wouldn’t look out of place on a siren, luring sailors to their deaths. He was certainly as beautiful as one, and probably no less dangerous.

He was holding a cigarette between his pale elegant fingers.

“-certainly,” Berenger finished, pulling off one glove before slipping his hand into his pocket to retrieve his lighter. He lit it and cupped the flame with his free hand, offering it to the young man and watching with bated breath the way his dark eyelashes fluttered when he leaned in.

“Thank you,” the stranger said with a faint smile. “Would you care for one?” He offered a silver cigarette case and Berenger shook his head before forcing himself to drag his gaze away from the man’s lips, wrapped sinfully around the cigarette. He put his glove back on as the stranger took a deep drag.

“You don’t like parties?” the young man asked. He turned to look out into the garden, the moonlight catching on his emerald earrings. Nobles rarely wore such lavish jewelry, and the lower classes couldn’t afford it. Berenger knew instinctively what the young man was. A high end rent boy, no doubt on retainer for one of the rich widows floating around back in the hall. 

He was the prettiest Berenger had ever seen; generally he’d found the widows preferred a more masculine sort. The young man was certainly the most well spoken, even though Berenger could detect the hint of a lower-class accent in his speech.

“Not as such,” Berenger said, turning to look into the garden as well. “And you?”

“I find it all quite exhilarating,” the youth said. “The food and drink, the lavish surroundings, the entertainments.”

“Oh yes,” Berenger said with a wry smile. “And the company, I’m sure.”

The youth laughed, taking a drag off his cigarette and blowing out a thin stream of smoke that dissipated slowly into the night air. “In truth,” he started, leaning closer and lowering his voice, “I find the company a bit tedious.”

“Do you really,” Berenger said, amused. “And that’s why you’re out here. Escaping.”

“Perhaps,” the young man said with an enigmatic smile.

They were standing quite close- close enough to invite scandalous rumors. Berenger found himself not caring overmuch. As a dedicated bachelor he was quite used to rumors, and this was a far more pleasant situation to spark them than most he’d been involved in.

“Is it working?” Berenger asked.

The stranger laughed, shifting so their shoulders nearly, almost, brushed together. “So far I’ve found the company out here to be far preferable to what I left behind,” he said, holding Berenger’s gaze as he flicked his cigarette butt into a rose bush below.

“The grounds keeper won’t be well pleased to find that come morning,” Berenger murmured, smiling despite himself.

“I don’t imagine so,” the young man said with a wicked grin. “But I think I’ll get away with it this time. Unless you intend to tattle on me?”

“Heavens forbid,” Berenger said, utterly enchanted even though he knew he shouldn’t be. “Even if I wished to betray you so terribly- I don’t even know your name.”

“Maybe we should keep it that way,” the man teased. “A guarantee that my crime will remain undiscovered.”

“Ancel!” someone cried out and the stranger- Ancel- let out a put upon sigh.

“Alas,” he murmured. “The jig is up. And so terribly soon.”

“I’d been wondering where you’d- you’d-” an older portly man said, coming closer and setting his hand low on Ancel’s back. His eyes fell on Berenger and his speech came to an abrupt stuttering stop. “Lord Berenger!”

Berenger regarded the stranger cooly. He was some third rate horse merchant, not one that Berenger was well acquainted with. Luis? Leon?

“No!” Ancel said with a gasp, widening his eyes in a decent approximation of surprise. “Not the Lord Berenger!” 

“The very same,” Berenger said, tightening his lips so he wouldn’t smile. He was certain now that Ancel had known exactly who he was from the start. This was some sort of ambush, and Ancel its lovely architect.

“What an honor to make your acquaintance,” Ancel said, his eyes twinkling mischievously. “And what a fortuitous coincidence.”

“I’m sure,” Berenger said.

“Why, my cousin Louans here has been been talking about you non stop!” Ancel continued.

Cousin, Berenger thought, barely containing a snort. It seemed Ancel was an entirely different sort of rent boy than what Berenger had initially taken him for. It wasn’t an uncommon arrangement between men of certain inclinations. The faint veneer of familial relation served as a way to justify why a gentleman might suddenly acquire an attractive housemate. 

Still, it didn’t make sense for someone of Ancel’s caliber to waste his time on a man like Louans. Ancel was clearly expensive, and Louans was just a merchant.

Berenger found himself looking at Louans with fresh appreciation. Maybe the quality of his goods had gone up and his business was thriving...?

“Lord Berenger,” Louans said. “I’ve been meaning to speak to you about a lucrative investment-”

Ancel laughed brightly, cutting the older man off. “Oh, cousin,” he said sharply. “Surely you don’t mean to bore Lord Berenger with business matters. This is a party, after all.” He smiled and leaned in to set his hand on Berenger’s arm, just above the elbow. When next he spoke his voice was low, seductive. “Forgive my cousin,” he murmured. “He tends to get ahead of himself.”

Ancel was flirting with him, and right in front of Louans. Berenger revised his opinion of the merchant once more. However he’d lucked into an arrangement with Ancel, it wasn’t because he was suddenly smarter or richer than he’d been before.

“Lord Berenger,” came Parsins’ pinched voice. “Your carriage is ready.”

“Thank you,” Berenger said, not taking his eyes off Ancel, still watching him. Louans made a small badly-concealed noise of dismay. Ancel smirked.

“What a terrible shame,” he said, lowering his eyes demurely. “And we were just getting to know one another. Perhaps we can continue this conversation at a later time?”

“Perhaps,” Berenger said, taking a step back. Ancel’s hand slipped from his arm and he found himself already missing the heat of him. But he knew better than to pine for what he could never have. “Farewell,” he said before turning to follow Parsins away.

“Lord Berenger,” Ancel called after him.

Berenger couldn’t resist the call, stopping and turning back.

“Have you given thought to where you’ll be summering?”

It was a trap of some sort, a trick. He didn’t care, so long as Ancel gave him an excuse to see him again.

“I have not,” Berenger lied. He’d intended to to spend the summer working, as he always did, splitting his time between Arles and Varenne.

“Lord Rouart has opened his summer villa to a few select guests,” Ancel said, raising his eyebrow suggestively. “They say there’s good hunting in the forest, and beautiful riding trails. The grounds are said to be quite lovely as well. Perhaps you’ll join us?”

Berenger hesitated even as he practically felt Parsins scowling behind him.

“Just for a week or two?” Ancel asked with a pout. “It would be such a shame if our paths never crossed again.”

“Has Rouart authorised you to hand out invitations on his behalf?” Berenger asked.

Ancel laughed. “Formalities,” he said dismissively with a flick of his fingers. “Please. Won’t you consider it?”

Berenger smiled wryly. “I’ll consider it,” he said at last. “Farewell, Ancel.” He nodded politely and made his leave.

When he was alone in the carriage he managed a quiet chuckle. What had he been thinking? Letting some enchanting rent boy wrap him around his finger? It wasn’t just that he was beautiful, it was everything. Even the fact that he belonged to someone else made him all the more enticing. Berenger let himself entertain the fantasy of stealing him away, seducing him, being seduced. He could spirit Ancel away to Varenne and lay him out over dark satin sheets, drape him in jewels-

He let out a deep breath and let the notion go, looking out the window at the dark countryside passing by. It was foolishness. Getting involved in whatever Ancel’s scheme was would be utter foolishness.

It wasn’t until he was back in his study having just finished packing his pipe that he realized Ancel had masterfully outmaneuvered him. He reached into his pocket for his lighter and instead drew out a single emerald earring.

He held it up, watching the way the lamplight played over the jewels. It was nothing to Ancel’s wicked smile, his striking red hair, his hand, warm on Berenger’s arm. The emerald wasn’t nearly as lovely as Ancel’s eyes.

But it was expensive, and now Berenger had no choice but to return it.

[neuxue]

Having not long found this blog I'm now currently reading it alongside my current re-read of the story (currently in book 4) but I first started reading the series in 99. I wonder how especially given your amazing knack for calling things how would you have coped having to have years between books just to see what happens? I know you have it now with the Stormlight Archive which I really enjoy too. But for me there was something about RJ's writing the build up where waits for books were torturou

Hello and welcome! Well, a belated welcome, anyway, since I seem to be incapable of responding to messages in anything resembling a reasonable timeframe, these days.

Anyway, yeah, I can imagine the wait between books would have been rather excruciating. There’s definitely a very different feel to a series you approach as a completed work, where you know you’ll only have to wait for answers for as long as it takes you to turn the page (or, in my case, to…um…anyway yes I’m working on it, shhhhh) than there is to diving into a series that is years if not decades from completion. 

One of the things that’s most noticeably different, at least for me, is that this side of a finished series, there’s an almost eerie silence where a series in progress has a hungry fandom full of conversation and spiralling theories and often absurd infighting and endless, endless speculation of all forms. Harry Potter fandom circa 2002…what a time. And yes, Stormlight Archive now. There’s a very specific brand of delightful and yet liberating frustration that comes of knowing that no matter what you do, you cannot have the absolute certainty of an answer now. You cannot know - you can speculate and guess and run with theories both plausible and absurd to your heart’s content - what the author’s truth will be until it has been written and read. You can be very close to certain, but you can’t actually know. 

It’s fun. Or infuriating. Or boring. Take your pick, really. But when the series is finished, it all takes on a different feel. Not better or worse necessarily, but different. There’s something about knowing that you could have the answers in an instant that makes it laughably easy to wait. To speculate at leisure rather than with the frenzied desperation of the need to prepare yourself for what’s coming, when you know full well that you can’t. Surrounded by hundreds or thousands of other fans in the same state, magnifying everything.

The thing with mass fan speculation, though, is that while many of the answers can be found in the archives and forums and margin notes in the aftermath, they’re diluted and buried by a deluge of dead ends and false leads and wishful thinking and some good old-fashioned absurdity. That’s half the fun, of course, if that’s your sort of thing. But with a work in progress, when the side of fandom inclined towards such speculation and theorising has plenty of time to stew in its own juices, you can end up with things that ultimately veer wildly, often hilariously away from what ends up being published in the next book, just because there are so many people with so many ideas. Follow one, and take it somewhere interesting, and then someone else follows it, and then and then and then…and it’s fun. It’s a way of interacting with a story in progress, of giving it a vast infinity of endings before it has a single one, of generating a multiverse from a single point source.

But it also, I think, can make it harder to actually predict things the way they ultimately end up written, just because you’re exposed to so much else surrounding the story, so many other things bouncing around inside the space, playing off of each other and the story and gaining or losing context and traction along the way.

All this to say, Wheel of Time has been a fascinating one for me because, relatively isolated as I’ve made myself from any external discussion of the series but without the pressing need to know everything now that comes of the impossibility of knowing everything now in a series that is not yet finished, it’s a chance to read and consider and think and play around in a rather empty, quiet, peaceful space. It’s a different kind of fun. It’s fucking weird sometimes, don’t get me wrong, and there are also times where it feels entirely artificial - after all, why speculate when everyone reading your speculation knows the answer and therefore there’s no point attempting to convince or persuade or even walk through your own reasoning - but that’s…oddly enough, part of the fun. There’s no pressure, when you’re immediately right or wrong and everyone but you knows it. It’s oddly freeing, in a way. I can sit here and write hundreds of words on why I think something is going to happen, when it ‘happened’ half my lifetime ago. Most fan theories of an ongoing series at least get some time during which they exist in a state not unlike that of Schrödinger’s cat; mine are instead immediately alive or dead.

And I think in some ways that makes it easier to figure things out. Which is not to say I haven’t had my share of very dead cats in boxes (at least Schrödinger didn’t try it with a dragon), but rather that I have the luxury of working in relative silence, so to speak. It has its benefits and drawbacks - I lose out on the wisdom of the crowd in some things, but I also get space to think free of influence or persuasion of things I might never have even considered otherwise. Ever seen those few fan theories that become absurdly prevalent to the point of being accepted as more or less canon, despite being truly absurd? (Those are delightful, in their way, sometimes. Ah, fandom…) I’m not exposed to those, and I don’t feel like I have to generate them or discuss them just to have a place in the conversation. I just call out what I think I can see or speculate on, and stay quieter on the things I can’t yet figure out. 

(It also helps that WoT was written long enough ago and had enough of an influence on subsequent works that things that may at the time have been new and different and surprising have in many cases become familiar staples of the genre. The whole thing has been like some weird experiment on the effects of time and continuity and completion on a reader in a vacuum. With a possibly dead cat floating in the box beside her).

[ittucc-aidwwab]

#01. On Eating [Comments Personified]

For context, I joined a climate change discussion Facebook page (where I see mostly Americans commenting/sharing). I shared an NYT article with no comments onto the page. Food being a very cultural/personal thing will of course generate some interesting discussion.

The Article,

...was an interactive NYT article on “How to shop, cook and eat in a warming world” published on the 30th of April.

Moskin, Julia, Brad Plumer, Rebecca Lieberman and Eden Weingart. 2019. “Your Questions About Food and Climate Change, Answered.”. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/04/30/dining/climate-change-food-eating-habits.html?smid=tw-share.

Facebook comments are...

Great. Just great.

These are two of the comments I received:

About the article

Look, it asks questions that make sense, and has some answers. Plus it's interactive.

Quiz in the section "What kinds of seafood should I eat?"

Quiz in the section "Is food waste a big part of the climate change problem?"

Comment 1

"Eat when you're hungry. The climate will change. That's all you need to know."

Comment 2

"why would anyone give up eating the food they like to make the world into a colder, less pleasant place where politicians have absolute power and there is less vegetation"

My Opinion on the comments

[Note: I am not the most informed. I’m open to being wrong on the internet. Isn’t that the fastest way to get a right answer?]

Reading this, I doubt the first commenter even read the article. 🙄 Honestly. Nobody said: “stop eating”. As a hypocrite, the things that i cook for myself are not exactly great on the environment, but there are alternatives. Meat-free Mondays are a thing. Go complain about vegans elsewhere.

The point of the article is that the carbon footprint of some foods are bigger than others, and there are ways to reduce our individual footprints. Like red meat? Eat less of it. Like fish? Eat sustainably sourced.

Our Changing Climate did a great video essay on “Here's why we need to rethink veganism”. Yes, being in a meat-eating country is a sign of prosperity. Yes, I’m living the good life. I drink ‘fake’ milk (from soy/nuts), but I’m no vegetarian. The definition, the identity is too specific in a western world.

I miss being in Malaysia where people can choose not to eat certain meats (for mostly religious purposes) and people will respect that. No one will hound you for being “holier than thou” for not eating meat. Of course that being said... my family always told me:

“If you can’t finish it, eat the meat”.

I can agree with the second up until the politicians part. What does that have to do with diet? Is there a trope that politicians eat only gastronomical wonders like shark-fin soup?

NYT's Comment section

JFR Since I have accepted that the climate is slowing changing for the worse, I'm now reading this article about the food I love and what I'm eating is bad for the climate and I'm guilty of ending the world due to my love of eating. Is this article for real? They must be kidding, right? They can eat all the grass they want, I'm not. The self flagellation of these people are beyond belief...

  John Going vegan or vegetarian is the only method of personal, individual climate impact that requires no actual lifestyle change (other than accepting new foods as part of one's diet). No one has to move, switch jobs, stop driving, change schools, stop flying to meetings, shop obscure stores, etc. Every supermarket in America has non-meat and non-dairy foods in abundance. Getting hung up on rejecting the notion of this personalized change since it seems like a morality crusade is a poor excuse to not bother making said change. This is the one method every person who wonders "What Can I do?" can actually can start today, right now, and continue for the rest of one’s life without any other lifestyle alterations required.

There are a few others who endorse a more extreme stance: not eating meat entirely.

Where it breaks down...

See the “CLIMATE-FRIENDLY RECIPES” section? The article’s recipes work don’t take into account food-mileage. “Green Shakshuka With Avocado and Lime” wow, avocado dishes just doesn’t work here, does it look like I, a student, am made of money? Every supermarket ad in Perth already do a “Buy Fresh, Eat West” campaign, the only thing is that there is an encouragement to meat eating through agricultural subsidies.

I understand the two commenters’ discontent in the article: food is comforting, how can an article ask us to give up what we personally like?

HOw cAn a 2d weBsItE TELl Us How To liVe?

[elizabethrobertajones]

With Cas and the whole I love you thing, we are excited because the camera went right to Dean after it. But I feel like this is where the disconnect comes from, because that's a director decision right? And so who knows what the writers, etc intended to portray but the director chose that shot and isn't this just business as usual with queer baiting because nothing real will probably come from it. I'm trying to be rationale about it and maybe failing?

Ick, sorry to leave you waiting on a reply for days. This one needs a lot of brain for me to answer >.>

I’m not totally sure if you’re disappointed entirely, or warring with yourself about being excited but also wary of queerbaiting at the same time… I don’t really want to talk about queerbaiting because I have been trying to keep my blog for a couple of years already mostly about analysing the show and just enjoying what is on screen, and indulging in the subtext because it’s there and it’s fun and I like it, while keeping my expectations about what the show will do with it in the future low, even while I feel good, as I have always said, that they will absolutely drive this subtext to the end of the road, and never attempt to “kill” Destiel out of the text because it’s such an intrinsic part of it now. I’m along for that ride, and everything else is someone else’s problem because I am tired and just want to have fun and enjoy some stuff >.>

(I know some people at the start of the season were worried they had and that Dean n Cas were just very buddy buddy, but they were building up to new drama between them, and now in the space of a very few episodes we’ve been dipping into references to all the big episodes, including coming at 8x17 and 6x20 again in different ways over multiple episodes, and using that very specific language the show has developed to convey Destiel in all its ridiculous, romantic glory.)

Anyway. The show is a collaborative effort. 

The writers offer up the basic lines but are VERY clever about the references - Dabb has ALWAYS been canny about it and getting more and more canny the longer the show went on and it’s no surprise at all to me that when he takes over the show the writing becomes all about looking inward and retreading the past, from Destiel events to Yellow Eyes - the first wave of MotW were about Sam and Mary’s trauma, the second about Dean’s crap and the Cas-centric stuff… Now 12x12 mixes it all together spectacularly along with a whole bunch more references rehashing the past in exciting ways - the Destiel subtext is just swept along in this same thing… 

There’s the actors, who have been making faces at each other for 9-12 years depending on who you’re talking about, and are very good at making those face, but they are just following the scripts (mostly) and at the mercy of what story is being told; they bring the texture and nuance to all these moments, but they’re still being told what to do by the directors. Speight might be a bad example because while he’s clearly fucking amazing, this was only his second episode. I’m still in a 12x10 mood, and that was directed by Thomas J Wright who has been directing episodes on the show for years, and has a few things he does all the time that you can tell it’s one of his episodes - he does a TON of overhead shots of the Bunker war room with everyone in the cage imagery of the railings or shadows of the lighting or what have you (he has been really creative with it; I think he has like 3 different ways to convey the same thing :P) and it’s clearly one of his favourite shots to set up. 

He also has kept up a thread of this crypt scene rehashing that not only has happened in his episodes at least 3 times, but the 8x17 fight mirrored the 10x22 one blow by blow, and the dramatic conclusion of 10x22 mirrored shot by shot a fight he once directed in Dark Angel with very similar conditions (there were gifsets, they’ll be very deep in my 10x22 tag although if you have an afternoon to kill, knock yourself out >.>) - and then in 12x10 he directs a similar fight but happening to Cas with a 3rd person present and mirrors his shots from 10x22 again; the end of the fight would have been scripted and I don’t know how much input he’d have on it or how much the fight would have been suggested to him, but it was written to have a positive conclusion and he directed it to mirror a whole thread that went back to 8x17 and the original crypt scene and actually put some emotional closure on that moment for the first time after 4+ rehashings of it. 

And they don’t work in a bubble because one of those rehashings was not directed by him - it was Director Ackles, who had acted like 4 of them BEFORE that because of the Dark Angel one :P Anyway I don’t think it’s a coincidence that these scenes kept on happening but written by Robbie, Dabb, Buckleming and Yockey (and also possibly Buckleming again in 11x21 because there was a lot of discussion about that at the time wondering if it worked as a crypt scene parallel and it was the same director so we were suspicious because it was Destiel AF) 

With all these different people having some input in a really coherent thread of events that obviously the director put the finishing touches to to mirror the previous happenings, I don’t think director choices are at all random or isolated from the story. It’s a collaborative episode and they CLEARLY re-watch old episodes, read their lore and find ways to tell the story as coherently as they can. I picked on a Destiel thread to explain this but I’m sure there’s tons of other stuff. I mean, like, the El Sol thing which is the set department, ANOTHER apparently random branch of the storytelling which has been putting in visual clues like death beer, mom beer, dream beer, Heaven beer… which hold up to strong scrutiny and analysis despite appearing practically at random, you might think. The show has a LOT of languages to tell the story and they’re not all things written in the script, and the script is not the be all and end all of where the story comes from. Mostly the writers seem really chill with any changes and embellishments… The only petty think I can think of is in 9x04 the line about Dean reading got swapped, and Robbie came back with a vengeance and in 11x04 got in an identical line which they could not wriggle out of swapping, AND made Dean like 5x more nerdy in the process by talking about reading seriously thinky stuff instead of vaguely suggesting he might like to read Game of Thrones one day :P Aside from that I think we haven’t had too much petty in-fighting about the story, at least not in that mic drop sort of way :P

… Anyway I don’t know about expectations and I don’t wanna encourage them, but these people know what they’re doing and no one person is completely responsible for what’s going on all the time, so I don’t think there’s any ACCIDENTAL storytelling or stuff which is just one actor or director or writing playing with something all by themselves. I mean, the writers and directors seem to have quirks that they love including so you can usually sort of feel you know what you’re getting if you know who’s responsible for certain elements, but those quirks don’t affect a bigger narrative and something like Destiel, there’s stuff going on at every level of the storytelling to at least stress how important Cas and Dean are to each other, who knows how much nod nod wink wink from up top but those directly responsible for the episodes - directors, writers, actors, set people - contribute enough to make the subtext endlessly compelling to me… And of course at a higher level it’s all put together by editors and the people in charge of the show at the top level dictating what the writers and directors work on, and how they do it, and coming up with the long game, and, I think, generally being the only people who know what the long game is meant to look like, since it certainly does not get as far as the actors because I’m pretty sure they find out the story script by script and MAYBE get ominous warnings about how to act certain things such as when they’re starting a descent arc or have a secret or whatever and their overall behaviour changes…

I don’t know, I just think… It’s MORE than just a ton of random disconnected moments because there’s a real persistent narrative about it that they make where the reading is always there and everyone’s chipping in, and then we’re emphatically not discouraged from making the reading (10x05) and we’re informed is there and that we’re supposed to read into it (9x18)… I know this answer has to be about how I and only I relate to the text because it’s personal to everyone, but I like this structure and it intrigues me and they keep on playing into their own game, and the collaborative WHOLE of the show works well for me, as something I enjoy as just a fun show to watch, and ALSO as having all this depth and SO MUCH to read into it. At this point I’m really happy just enjoying how the show is so layered even for regular plot things. I felt actual GLEE with the Yellow Eyed demon and those sound effects around him and so on because it’s all coming around again in such interesting ways… Like the heavy Destiel subtext is just a bonus because I’m a nerd about this show who also likes Destiel and can read it into the text in a way that makes me happy and comfortable with it, and… when you don’t have that same approach all I can do is explain why I do or how I see it but I can’t tell anyone it’s NOT queerbaiting or that anything will come of it >.> I just like it despite my better judgement because this show has been there for me SO LONG and oh god the SOAP OPERA of it all :P 

I do think rampant optimism is ALWAYS dangerous for fandom because it makes people expect too much too quickly or at all, and this show intends to keep on plodding to at least episode 300 which I think someone said is halfway through season 14, which means we’re like 2 years off closure AT BEST if you’re waiting for the show to end and knot up all its loose ends… So I’m happy to play it cautious with my hopes and enjoy it as it comes… Though as I have rambled at in great length, I don’t think that’s taking it all as totally random unconnected moments which have no meaning in a wider context for the writers or actors or whoever might not seem to have been consulted for some random moment or other, when there’s so MANY of them and they’re as self-referential and complex as the rest of the show…

[toboldlywrite]

First thing I would suggest- take a break. I think I put aside my finished draft for about a month before diving into the editing phase. Then really it's about finding what works for you! I've found, in the process of editing my short story, that rewriting works really well for me. It helps to catch things- especially typos and wrong tenses- that could be easily missed if you were just reading over.

I also have to ask- why three drafts? I was very impatient to get my story edited and done, and, well, that's part of the reason I'm starting from square one again. A big part of the reason, honestly. I would suggest asking yourself why you're limiting the number of drafts you want. I can definitely understand just wanting it done and wanting to have some physical manifestation of all the work and love you've poured into it... but I firmly believe that giving yourself that limit will only work to harm you in the long run. There's no shame in needing more drafts. The story can only get better for it. (Of course, don't do the opposite thing and keep editing it forever because it isn't "perfect" yet. There's a balance). You should edit and revise until it's ready, and trust your intuition (and others' advice if needed) to tell you when that time is. Of course, I have no idea why you are saying "three," I'm just advising from my own experience. And of course, it could end up taking only three drafts if you revise/edit in a way that lets you do that.

When I finish with my next draft, this is my general editing plan, which may or may not be helpful to you:

Read through the entire thing (I'm handwriting but if you typed it, consider printing it out if you can)

At LEAST once (but probably more I would suggest) for general story stuff (is anything out of character? Any gaping plot holes? World building you need to add/clarify? Did you add something to the end and say "I'll fix it later?" Make notes. Cover that document in highlighting and notes.)

Once (at least) for any big grammar stuff

REWRITE

There's that whole big post that talks about why this is a good idea, but if I might add my own thoughts: it's awesome for catching grammar mistakes, first of all. Also if you did find any of those plot holes/character things/ fix-it-later stuff, it's a lot easier to incorporate them by re-writing then finding places to stick 'em and trying to correct for it in the already-existing story. If that makes sense.

Find people to help you!

That's what this awesome community is for (and friends. And family)! Having other people read your work can be scary but it is so so so so helpful. The feedback I got from people here about my short story was invaluable and really helped make it stronger. Most of my irl friends/family could only really help with grammar since they aren't writerly folk, but that's still helpful! It's also good because people will tell you if something doesn't make sense. Or if it isn't clear. Everyone who read my short story had a different theory about what happened during a certain part, which was kind of cool but at the same time told me that I needed to make it more clear what was actually happening. Even non-writer friends can help with that part.

Rewrite again

Take all that feedback and incorporate it! Now like I said, this is my plan, and if it works better for you just to edit/add, run with it! I think the first rewrite is much more important. For me, this will just be rewriting each chapter and then editing it over again before moving on to the next one.

After that, my plan becomes more vague. I'll keep going through and fixing things that come up for as much as I have to, and then I'll start looking for professional help. (In my case, I'll probably post it online before that step, and only start looking for the pros if I decide to go forward with publishing again, but professional editing is very important if you want to publish. I know it's expensive. It sucks. But you need it. Now this advice is coming from a self-publishing perspective. I'm not sure how it works if you go the traditional route).

 Extra notes: Sometimes, being your own worst critic can be a good thing! You want your story to be the best it can be, after all. But it can also be exhausting and disheartening. The best thing you can do is tell yourself that everyone starts from the bottom. With every edit and every new word you write, you are getting better. And making your story better. Letting go of the idea of perfection and any false deadlines you imposed on yourself can also help. I say this as someone who struggles with that a lot. If you're story isn't ready after three drafts, don't be disappointed. Be excited because it means you can make it even better.

I hope at least some of this is helpful and most of it makes sense! If you ever need advice/encouragement/help, my inbox is always open! I'm sorry this got so long!

With My First Draft Done...

What comes next? I know I need to revise, but I honestly don’t know how I‘m going to do that…I am my own worst critic after all. Is there anyone, ANYONE out there that can give me advice on editing and revising? Please, I know it’s going to take a long time but I need to know how to revise in a manner that doesn’t give me more than three drafts. I don’t want to get stuck revising the same things over and over.

Because I do want to get this book out. So, if you can…spare some advice?