#I ended up getting sent to the psych ward

[effervescent-fool]

going back to public high-school in florida as an autistic transgender would be a death sentence. but yeah obviously I've just gotta apply myself. ok.

[tradgedyinwaves]

part two (final) of this

Tw: coma, attempted suicide, successful suicide, death

The first few moments after you were hit were a blur to Kate. She heard the crunch and your scream, her own voice screaming into the mic of her phone as she called out to you.

Quickly, her rational brain took over and she ended the call with you, quickly calling emergency services. 

It took them 10 minutes to arrive, 25 to get you out, and 10 to the hospital. You were placed into a medically induced coma so that the swelling in your brain could go down and give your body a chance to possibly heal. 

Kate’s next call was to John.

“ ‘Ello?”  “St. John’s. Get your squad and get there” 

Click.

Kate kept her words to herself for the time being, bag already slung over her shoulder and out the door by the time her short conversation with John was over.

On the other end of the line, John sat still for all of 15 seconds as he processed Kate’s words. Shooting texts to each of the other members of the squad, he grabbed his coat and was out the door. 

The team arrived shortly after Kate, who was pacing in the waiting room. The doctor had already been out to speak with her and it hadn’t been good news. 

“What’s going on?” “What happened?” “Who got hurt?” “Are they dead?”

Kate stood and stared at the four men in front of her. She only knew from what you’d said that John and Soap were involved and she could see it from the way they stood close to each other. Stepping forward, she reached up and slapped John across the face before doing the same to Soap, tears staining her cheeks. The way the other two men stared, they had no clue about John’s infidelity.

“If she wakes up, I hope she kills you, John.” 

“If?”

“Who?” 

Kate turned to the other men and sighed, wiping her eyes as she whispered your name. “If, Kyle. Her brain is swelling too much. They’ve put her in a medically induced coma while they try to save her ability to walk.” Kate shot the Johns another glare, vowing to kill them for you if you couldn’t do it. 

Her announcement was followed with silence as the four men took seats in the waiting room. Kyle and Simon stayed close to Kate while Price and Soap sat off in the corner. They knew it was their fault. You wouldn’t have been on that road if you hadn’t seen them. 

Hours later and the doctor came back out. He approached Kate immediately, seeing as she was the first one there. The others gathered around to hear. 

“-lost a lot of blood, but we’re hoping that with the rest, her brain will stop swelling and her spine may heal enough that she could walk. But for now, she’s stable.” 

It had broken the team apart. Kyle and Simon were transferred to another team at their request. Soap was sent off to help other teams all the time in an effort to keep Price and him separated. Which only left the Captain. Except, the title was hollow. He didn’t have a team to lead anymore. 

Kate didn’t speak to him anymore either. So when he found out you’d woken up, it wasn’t for a couple weeks after the fact. When he did find the courage to visit you in the hospital, he was told you were no longer there. 

He called Kate, or Laswell as he was only allowed to refer to by her last name now, to ask where you were. 

“Not that you deserve to know, but she’s in the psych ward now. Tried to take her own life.”  “I-” “Don’t bother, Price. This is your fault.” 

A click on the phone and the call ended. He stared down at the device before throwing it and shattering it. He was weak and in that weakness, he’d ruined everything good he’d had and most importantly, your life. 

After a two month stint in the psych ward, you were cleared to go home. Which meant Kate set you up in a spare bedroom in her house. You’d been cleared, so she wasn’t worried that you’d try again. 

But boy, had she been wrong. A month later, you’d locked the door and broken the window, taking a piece of the glass and stabbing it into your legs that you could no longer feel. By the time they got the door open, it was too late. You’d lost too much blood, but you were finally free. 

When Price tried again a few months later, he was informed of your death. 

Seven months in a coma and you woke up to be told you were paralyzed from the waist down. Told you’d never walk on your own again. 

In another two, you would try to take your own life. 

Another three and you would succeed. 

In just a year, the world was left without your sunshine. 

John Price and John MacTavish never forgave themselves, living lives of solitude until the day they died.

Spoiled the hell out of you guys today. 2600 words that includes an alternate ending? Damn. lol

[ajaxless]

Doctor Harper being like...The "grown up" version of Kylar. Got sent to the psych ward for being a little too silly (went yandere) and hypnotized everyone into letting him out. Could you fucking imagine how scary that would be to be his (former?) Darling?

Harper as your dweeb classmate. Always has his nose tucked in a book, usually shows up to school with bruises, you can't tell if it's from his home life or from the bullies. You end up taking pity on the poor guy and get into the habit of taking him to the nurse at school to get him ice packs and bandaids. Over time Harper comes out of that quiet and polite facade and brags to anyone that will listen that the two of you are lovers. Except, no, you're not, you never would have agreed to such a thing. Sure, it's sweet that he walks you to each and every class you have and insists on carrying your books, but you never saw him in that light. You were just being kind! He got the wrong idea.

So, when Harper makes you lunch after you forgot yours at home, you don't think twice about it, typical Harper! Harper babbles on about how he's been studying how to become a doctor. That way, you two won't have to rely on the school nurse anymore. Maybe you could be his nurse? You could stay by his side all day while he works and dote on him as his lovely assistant!

Unfortunately for you, you don't get to correct him because the drugs he slipped in knocked you out before he could finish. Harper mumbles something about skipping the chapter on sedatives in his textbook and drags you home. Nobody thinks twice to stop him, most people don't even notice him.

Cue basement scene similar to Kylar's, except Harper is less paranoid and panicked. I think he'd just be delusional and convinced that the two of you are together. Defiant! Darling could resist him and snap him out of the delusional state, only to send him into a fit of anger. Submissive / compliant! Darling goes along with it out of pity / fear.

Here are some things I imagine when being abducted by Harper

He never yells and constantly refers to you by a pet name and never your actual name. In his eyes, your name is like...The main piece of your identity. By stripping it from you, he's stripping you from who you are as a person in order to brainwash you into thinking your entire life revolves him. You are his darling. Nothing more, nothing less.

When you deny him, he probably just ignores it or smiles at you while pretending you said something else. Creepy bastard will respond out loud to an imaginary conversation he had with you. Example: Harper tries to feed you, and you spit food in his face, only for him to grin and say that he thinks the food tastes good too, then thanks you for sharing. Says things like "I love you too" even when you didn't actually say anything. If you point out that you didn't say anything, he just gives you a funny look like you're the crazy one here. I live with the idea of PC spitting in his face and Harper responding by taking two fingers, gathering the spit on them, then sucking the spit off and groaning.

Harper doesn't think other people are going to hurt you / take you away and he doesn't want to keep you safe. I think he'd hurt you on purpose just so he can take care of you like you used to take care of him at school. That and out of revenge for being rejected. He doesn't feel threatened by other people because he's delusional and convinced it wouldn't be possible for you to like anyone else. Never ever takes his jealousy out on you. You're just too dumb for your own good, silly little thing.

Harper absolutely tries gaslighting you so he can be the "sane" boyfriend that takes care of you. You're just crazy, ahaha, your memory is soooo terrible. Thats not how it happened. Harper never said that. Have you been taking your medicine?

That Kylar event where they pull a knife to your throat, but this time it's just Harper showing off a new needle that may or may not contain an aphrodisiac. He might just have to "test" to see what's in the syringe. I mean, unless you can convince him not to inject you by having sex with him. Either way, You're going to get fucked. With or without the aphrodisiac is up to you.

Harper's cooking is actually good. Made specifically to be healthy and have all the vitamins and nutrients you need. Only downside is he sometimes spits in the food :( might even do it right in front of you and then laughs it off. Says it's like indirectly kissing you and it's no big deal, he always does this and has been since you let him make you lunches at school. Hearing this is ++stress

Harper doesn't write you songs, instead he makes poetry. You can't read the poems, his handwriting is terrible. (Haha, get it? Cus he's a doctor?)

Forced cuddle sessions, I can feel it. Also a messy kisser. Drools everywhere and giggles the entire time. I think Harper is a humper, cums in his pants all the time

There are two ways to escape:

Resist Harper enough until he gets frustrated and tries to get manipulate you into behaving by guilt tripping you. Harper injures himself in a minor way and insists you take care of him like you used to at school, telling you to go upstairs and get ice from his freezer...Only for you to bolt out the front door instead

Or by screaming until the neighbors hear and the cops come to investigate. Screaming only works at night, and you have to do it five times in a row when given the ability to do it. This sucks because it makes you lose a turn, and you can't resist Harper whichs lead to a noncon encounter

Either way, by the end of it Harper gets arrested. He abducted you and had a lab that made stimulants / pepper spray / sedatives and kept stealing ingredients from the pharmacy downtown. Either he gets arrested for his stash of illegal drugs / weapons or he gets arrested for a ducting you. They determine he's insane or he goes to court and pleads not guilty by insanity.

You go a few years without seeing or hearing from him, believing he'll rot in jail forever and move on with your life. Then you find out your doctor retired and have to head to the hospital to fill out paperwork to change who your primary doctor should be, and wouldn't you know it? Harper's name is one of the options. Obviously, you don't want him to be your new doctor, but either way, he just forges the paperwork and makes you his patient.

You get called in for an appointment per usual, expecting a new doctor and Harper walks in with that stupid smile while clutching a clipboard with your medical history on it. You try to resist, but a bunch of nurses come in and restrain you and tie you to the table with leather straps that were hidden under the mattress. The entire time Harper just watches with a smile.

I think Harper would immediately confess that he's not a real doctor. He never went to school or graduated. He would've, but you got him arrested. He starts bragging about how he hypnotized your old doctor and took his place to escape, then realized he had a lot of authority and began doing whatever he wanted. Shortly after, he discovered that you still lived in town and jumped on the opportunity to get you back.

There's no harm in telling you this. Because who would believe you? You're crazy.

"Scream as much as you like, my love. The neighbors won't hear you this time."

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

Imagine Yandere Jotaro as a Michael Myers type killer and his Darling is his ex with whom he had Jolyne with but he ended up going crazy and killed Jolyne's babysitter for leaving Jolyne alone to have adult fun time with her boyfriend and causing her to get hurt

Jotaro was always a very protective individual when it came to his wife and daughter. Even trying to convince him to get a babysitter was a challenge.

Eventually darling had to while he was at a meeting and something important had come up for darling. Knowing a coworkers daughter was babysitting she asked her if she could.

So darling picked up Jolyne from school and waited for the babysitter to arrive. Explaining Jolynes bedtime and that there was a few quick to make meals in the cupboard.

Not long after darling leaves and shortly after another car pulls up and her boyfriend comes in. She tells Jolyne to keep it a secret before handing her a bunch of snack and turning on the TV in the lounge room before her and her boyfriend go into one of the guest rooms.

A while later Jolyne is calling out for the babysitter and she opens the door slightly.

"What do you want?!"

"I want dinner"

"I gave you snacks"

"But I want a proper meal"

"There's Mac and cheese in the cupboard"

"I don't know how to make it"

"You can read, just read the instructions on the packet. I very busy right now"

Then she slams the door. Jolyne does as told and she grabs out the packet and reads it, she attempts to prepare it but ends up spilling boiling water on herself and screams. babysitter ignores it and she's left not knowing how to treat her burns.

Shortly after Jotaro comes home, already agitated by the sight of an unfamiliar car. So seeing that his daughter has been sitting on the floor covered in 2nd to 3rd degree burn sends him into a rage. He tells Jolyne to grab an ice pack and get in the car while he sorts something out before he confronts the babysitter. Who's currently half naked with her partner.

Of course see immediately so apologetic of what happend when she finds out but that's not the point, she let it happen in the first place and her partner is as much to blame.

When darling arrives home police and ambulance are there. Darling is freaking out seeing Jolyne with the ambulance and she's asking everyone what's going on. That's when a bloodied Jotaro is pulled out in handcuffs.

"Jotaro... what did you do?" She asks, no response as he gets put into the back of the police car.

Days after does darling go to talk to Jotaro after Jolyne is out of hospital. He asks how Jolyne is and that there should be enough in their joint account to pay the bond.

"Jotaro do you even understand what you did?" She asks.

"I did it for Jolyne"

"No you didn't! If you really cared about Jolyne you would have taken her to emergency immediately!"

"You implying that I don't"

"I'm saying that in no case was murdering that poor girl the right decision"

"That whore left our daughter to burn!"

"I can't... I can't do this" you sighed.

"What do you mean?" He hisses.

"I can't go through this... nor will I allow Jolyne"

"You're not about to say what I think you are"

"I'm leaving, I can't trust you anymore"

"No!"

"Yes!"

And after that darling left and started a new in another town. She never kept up with the case as she wanted to leave it in the past. So she didn't know she was in the same town he was sent to do his sentence at in a psych ward.

One day when picking up Jolyne she swears she could see him in the corner of her eye but when she looks properly he's gone. Trick of the eye she assumes.

When she gets home and turns on the news is when she finds out that he managed to get out. Then the phone rings.

"Hello?"

"I'm coming" a familiar stern voice says.

"No, you stay away!" She yells

"Really? Is that how you talk to your husband after so long?" He asks.

"We are divorced! I told you I want nothing to do with you after that night!" She hisses before hanging up.

"Jolyne pack a bag, we're going to be out for the night" she tells her before calling the police.

The issue is he's always had things planned out in advance, this is no exception

[g1nu00]

DISEÑO DE LOS LOCOS AAAA

Smiling Critters DESIGN FOR THE AU

DESPUES DE DÍAS ARMANDO ESTO LOCO, por fin lo termineeeee WAAAA

///////

AFTER DAYS DRAWING THIS DUDE, finally I ended up WAAAA

GRUPO DE DOGDAY!/DOGDAY'S GROUP

Acá tenemos básicamente a Dogday o el loquito del curso al que lo iban a mandar a la correccional y termino yendo a un mundo donde estA PEOR

Pero equis, el niño es feliz

Acá pueden ver su forma humana y el collar :D

El collar tiene magia de Ilusión, es básicamente como los collares que usaban Emira y Edric

[Eng]

Here we basically have Dogday, or the "crazy kid" in the class who was going to be sent to a Camp and ended up in a world where things are EVEN WORSE.

But whatever, the kid is happy

Here you can see his human form and the collar :D

The collar has Illusion magic; it’s basically like the collars Emira and Edric used.

El grupito de amigos!

CraftyCorn es la primera a la que conoce Dogday en su forma humana, junto con Hoppy, antes de que le den el collar de Sol. Gracias a Dogday, Crafty paso de la clase de Oráculo a Ilusiones

Hoppy a pesar de interesarle el mundo humano como a Gus, no es tan "Emocionada" sobre ello, mas que nada lo que le llama la atencion es sobre los deportes del mundo humano, por lo que al ver que Dogday estaba escualido pensó que no había mucha diferencia al Reino de los demonios (mentira)

Picky es este caso que tenemos con Matt en The Owl House, solamente que sería una competencia sana con Hoppy sobre que tiene más valor, si los deportes humanos o la Gastronomía humana-

A este parche le decimos, los loquitos del psiquiátrico, y de normal siempre son Dogday, Hoppy y Crafty

[Eng]

The Friend Group!

CraftyCorn is the first one Dogday meets in his human form, along with Hoppy, before he gets the Sun Collar. Thanks to Dogday, Crafty switched from the Oracle track to Illusions

Hoppy, despite being interested in the human world like Gus, isn’t as “excited” about it. Mainly, what catches her attention are human sports, so when she saw that Dogday was scrawny, she thought there wasn’t much difference from the Demon Realm (not true)

Picky is like Matt in The Owl House, but here, she has a friendly competition with Hoppy about which is more valuable: human sports or human gastronomy.

We call this bunch the “psych ward crazies,” and it usually includes Dogday, Hoppy, and Crafty.

GRUPO DE CATNAP/CATNAP'S GROUP (and enemy/rival)

Con Catnap tenemos una dinámica mas rara, ya que su grupo se conforma de solo sus únicos amigos más cercanos. El solia ser amigo de Craftycorn pero al ver que a su padre y su tutora no les gustaba ya que ella no sabía controlar su magia, le dijeron que se aleje de ella, basicamente lo mismo con Willow y Amity

Cuando obtiene la maldición de la Bestia, su magia se Oráculo se potencia, ya que está tiene que ver con el futuro y un plano psico-mental, así que le metemos el tema de los sueños y pesadillas

Si, este también se pone como tomate de la vergüenza

1006 no lo deja llevar ropa que no sea con mangas largas o cubriéndose, más que nada por las cicatrices de entrenamiento que tiene el pobre chiquito

[Eng]

With Catnap, we have a more unusual dynamic, since his group is made up of just his closest friends. He used to be friends with CraftyCorn, but when his father and tutor noticed she couldn’t control her magic, they told him to stay away from her, basically the same as with Willow and Amity

When he gets the Beast curse, his Oracle magic intensifies since it’s connected to the future and a psychic-mental realm, so we add the theme of dreams and nightmares here

Yes, he also blushes like a tomato out of embarrassment.

1006 doesn’t allow him to wear anything that isn’t long-sleeved or covered up, mostly to hide the training scars the poor kid has.

Bobby y Kickin vienen a ocupar el lugar de Emira y Edric, pero siendo los amigos mas íntimos de Catnap, quienes saben todo de el y en quienes el emperador "confía" si su hino no esta en el castillo

Bobby es la mayor de los 3, siendo la que más sentido de responsabilidad tiene y la que conoció a Catnap en su edad más temprana (y la que lo socorre cuando se entera que al loquito le gusta Dogday)

El caso con Bubba es complicado, si bien formaría parte del parche a la vez no, la forma en la que sabes que fueron amigos con Catnap es que llevan collares o dijes.

La rivalidad con bubba se originó debido a que ambos querían demostrar que podrían servirle a 1006, existiendo está dualidad de "El príncipe" y "el Guardia Zafiro"

[Eng]

Bobby and Kickin take on the roles of Emira and Edric, but as Catnap’s closest friends. They know everything about him, and the Emperor “trusts” them when his son isn’t at the castle

Bobby is the oldest of the three, with the strongest sense of responsibility, and she met Catnap when he was younger (she’s also the one who comforts him when she realizes he has feelings for Dogday)

The situation with Bubba is complicated. Although he’s technically part of the group, he’s also kind of not. The way you know he was friends with Catnap is by the collars or pendants they wear.

The rivalry with Bubba began because both wanted to prove they could serve 1006, creating this duality of “The Prince” and “The Sapphire Guard.”

Ah y si, cambie el símbolo del emperador y me diseñe uno propio JAJSJS

////

Ah yes, I changed the symbol of emperors coven and I designed an own one AHSHHSH

And that's all, The # for this au is #SCHiddenWorlds so, yeah

Y si ya se que son como las 6 de la mañana en donde vivo pero no me importa chupenla todos

[necroromantics]

Turns out its Mental Health Awareness Month this month.... So since yall know me and my tendency to yap about mental health issues, I'm going to share some of the ways I express mental health in my Creepypasta AUs (Cryptpasta AND Laundry and Taxes, mostly just for Toby and Clockwork). Its kinda long and a nonsensical ramble.... Enjoy

CRYPTPASTA

-Nina was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder when she was 15 after a visit to the psych ward due to attempted suicide after a bad fight with an online boyfriend of hers

-She's very desperate to be loved and cared for, and intensely fears being abandoned to the point she'll put herself in harms way in an impulsive attempt to get people to stay in her life, or care for her, or want to be with her

-She has so much love to give to the point it overwhelms her, and tends to come out of her in forms of jealousy and anger outbursts, and desperate attempts to make people stay, because Nina wants love, and to give love

-Nina is also a very loyal friend who is very ride or die. She knows what its like to be left out, abandoned, betrayed, and she couldn't imagine doing that to the people she loves

-Clockwork also has BPD, she was going to be treated for it during her stay in the psychiatrist hospital when she was 16, before she killed her family, but never got around to it

-Her BPD presents a bit differently than Ninas. Her fear of abandonment and betrayal causes her to push people away entirely, and she struggles a lot with splitting

-She goes from thinking fondly about someone, to thinking they're the worst person in the world who does nothing but hurt her, because hating someone is much easier than risking loving them to her. Clockwork struggles a lot with making and keeping friends, because she can't trust anyone, and she tends to push people away at the tiniest fault as a way to protect herself

-Toby is her Favourite Person (FP), but she tries her best to beat this attachment to him down. Luckily for her, she's stuck with him, and he has zero plans of betraying or hurting her in any way. She tends to split on him a lot though

-Clockwork struggles a lot with anger and emotional dysregulation, she tends to view things in black/white, all or nothing, and is very impulsive. Because her emotions are so overwhelming and guttural, Clockwork struggles to be able to express them at all, and has a very bad habit of beating all her feelings down

-Toby was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when he was 15 after experiencing his first manic episode, where he got into a really bad fight with his dad, ran away from home, and got sent to a psychiatric hospital where he was given proper treatment

-After becoming a proxy, he didn't have access to treatment anymore, and a combination of stress, Slender Sickness, and a lack of sleep, causes him to have more frequent and intense episodes

-During his manic episodes he is very euphoric, always on the move, talks non-stop to the point he doesn't make any sense, has racing thoughts, is insanely energetic, rarely sleeps, and is much more aggressive and irritable. They usually last one or two weeks, but if they're really intense and he's experiencing psychosis, Tim or Jack will get him medication from some victims to regulate him

-His depressive episodes feel like death for him. He isolates himself, always in bed, oversleeping. He's so tired all the time, lethargic and moody, irritable. Toby doesn't want to talk to anyone, he tends to lose all hope and humour, everything seems so heavy and bleak, like every bad thing he's ever done and been through has finally caught up to him

-On really bad days, he'll struggle with suicidal thoughts, where Jack or Brian will talk him down, and Clockwork will just sit quietly by him so he knows he's not alone, because even if it feels like the world is ending, it never really is

-Toby also deals with issues associated with Antisocial Personality Disorder, though he was never officially diagnosed because proxies don't really have psychiatrists

-Toby struggles a LOT with empathy, and is generally an insensitive prick who has a very hard time genuinely caring about other peoples lives or problems. To him, its all about self preservation, every man for himself, and if he's capable of handling his own issues then he shouldn't be expected to coddle "weak people who cant handle their own". This stems heavily from beliefs he learned from his father, and certain mindsets he utilizes to help him get by in his life as a proxy

-He also greatly struggles with appropriate emotional responses, and morality. He doesn't understand why most things are deemed "right" or "wrong", and thinks people are dramatic or care too much for having strong morals on things. Toby says what he wants without and regard for societal norms or rules, things he wasn't really taught anyways

-Toby is also in a constant battle for freedom. At a young age he was made to feel small and powerless, which caused him to constantly feel like he's fighting for power and control in his life. He tends to fulfill these needs by putting others down, or starting fights with people because he always needs to defend himself

-This also makes him a very practical and loyal friend towards the people he's fond of. He's very much an "acts of service" guy because he values his freedom so much, that he's willing to spend his time and effort and give up a little bit of freedom to the people he likes. He's a ride or die friend, and he always encourages people to stand up for themselves and do better for themselves

LAUNDRY AND TAXES

-Laundry and Taxes is an ongoing fanfiction Im writing about what life for the Creepypastas (mostly Toby and Clockwork) would look if they were suddenly transported to a world where nothing bad happened. No murder, no Slenderman.

-It's very personal to me and is about getting better and healing from trauma and mental health issues, and forgiveness, and reconciliation

-I think during mental health awareness its important to bring awareness to the facts and struggles someone might have, but also the recovery. Which is what Im gonna get into here

-The story follows Toby, who constantly struggles with his pride and "me vs the world" mindset

-He learns how to ask for help, how to put his pride aside and seek out support from the people around him. He learns how to open up and trust that people will be kind to him, and that the world isn't as bad as it seems

-His recovery is, as all good things are, insanely difficult and horrible and painful and messy, but theres a lot of focus on how worth it everything is, and how all of that gritted teeth effort, because Toby has no other choice, ends up amounting to something

-He has to face the mistakes he's made, the hurt he's caused, the guilt he pushes down. He has to learn how to be kinder to himself and others. Toby grew up in a world where he believed that it was written from the start for him to be a "bad person", and then he was forced to face the fact that he was the one doing the writing, and he has the ability to write something new for himself

-He also has to face the fact that healing isnt linear, and that the world isn't always a safe, happy place, and Toby has to learn how to handle these things in ways he never did before. Because recovery is all about learning

-The same goes for Natalie, who struggles with her past trauma, and everything she's done, and what has taken from her at a young age

-She learns how to forgive herself, and how to make peace with her anger, and how to be kinder to herself and others as well

-Natalie goes through a lot of the same realizations Toby does, and even though she spent her whole life alone and pushing people away, slowly, she starts to open up to people too and she learns how to challenge her thoughts and distrust. It's a long, difficult journey with her facing her family and her trauma and her guilt and anger, but Natalie learns that there's an entire life of peace and quietness outside of her head, outside of the past

-She learns it's okay to lean on others a bit, and that they wont hurt her, and that it's okay to feel the things she does. Natalie faces her own grief, and how suffocating it is, because its the only way she can face love too

-It takes her longer to get on track to healing because she's spent her entire life running from her problems that she never really knew how to face it, or what to do when it catches up to her. But she does get on track, and she does face her past, and that little girl in her head who's scared all the time, and how angry she is, and how loud everything is, and she becomes able to hold that little girl in her arms and sit with her for a moment

-And then, Natalie learns how to make peace with the world, and for once, she has a weird sort of hope for the future

[jacksprostate]

wip preview part 2 (part 1 here)

As it turns out, I'd never quite told anybody what Tyler looked like.

As it turns out, former Detective David Mills is not Tyler Durden. Cannot be Tyler Durden, because he’s living, breathing, real in everyone else’s eyes, not just mine. That I think he looks like Tyler Durden is not coincidence, but my brain retroactively applying his face onto Tyler's because, God says, I must finally be ready to face him.

I wasn’t punching myself. Tyler Not Tyler, next time I see him, will have a real bruise.

Which would usually be never, God says.

But you’re a special case, God says. A lot of people out there want progress.

We think this could be good for you.

And for Mr. Mills. He's recovering. He could use something to focus on.

It'll help his case, to work with you.

This is divine mandate.

That's something Mills has yet to be informed of, apparently.

Monday morning, I hear the archangels sing, they say, Mills hasn't responded to anything other than a direct order since he found out his wife died. Since he killed a man. One angel says to me as he spoons scrambled eggs onto my plate, you choose good men, sir. He's got conviction.

Conviction makes me think of explosives and a house following orders like a soggy bag of organs.

I think of Tyler Not Tyler with his everything-blond face and eyes like a fish rotting in the sun.

We pass each other in the hallway, led by our respective guard. I wonder if he even registers how gaunt I've become. Desiccated. If he can see how they've made me start swallowing Xanax again so I don't take up residence in his body cavity. I wonder if this is the result of brain damage. Nothing is quite the sight to see like the purpling imprint of my knuckles across the right side of his face.

When Mills speaks, I'm told it's been two weeks, and he finally responded to God's suggested experience by trying to flip the bolted down desk. I hear, Mills said no. He doesn't care about good behavior. He doesn't care about focusing. His wife is dead. If they cared about him at all, they'd put a bullet between his eyes. If he was any smarter, he would've left one bullet for himself.

Not the smartest thing to say when you're already committed.

This gets him a steady drip and a visit from two men.

The man who mops the halls, he tells me it's Mills' lawyer and the partner he had for a week on the case that sent him here. His first case in the big leagues.

You'd think after a year, they'd realize Tyler is dead and stop feeding me information. I wonder if they think this is a step in his return. Another chrysalis.

These men request to meet with me. I have never been allowed visitors. Not even Marla.

Marla hasn't called.

I'm brought to the visitation room, and Mills' lawyer might be there in the background, but it's his partner who's running the show. A black guy, old and wrinkled like a raisin in the sun. No cauliflower nose or stitches through his eyebrows.

Hi.

"Why Mills?"

Don't I get any small talk? If I wasn't on benzos, benzos, benzos, Detective, I'd be hurt. You're the first person I've been allowed to see from outside since I did what your boy wants to do and put a bullet in my brain.

He stares at me.

I smile. The cyst of flesh I've chewed away from the inside of my lip ensures it's always a bit pink.

He looks bored.

Ah.

A kindred spirit.

He made you care again, I say. That's why you're here.

Well.

Imagine, Detective. The only person to see how fucked the world is and want to do something about it, and you're told, even by him, it's all in your head.

And you rot in a psych ward for a year.

And then he walks through the door.

How would you react?

I'm my boss, proposing a hypothetical.

"Mills isn't your hallucination," he says.

Bullshit. So, everyone else can see him too.

"Mills had a wife, dogs, worked five years in homicide upstate before moving to the city a week ago. He is a real person."

In the flesh.

He repeats. "Why Mills?"

And on, and on, and my first ever visitation ends in a very dull stalemate where I visit Tyler's walking corpse in my ice cave as Tyler Not Tyler's detective partner tries to squeeze something other than the truth out of me.

I'm politely informed Detective Somerset has advised I not be involved in Mills' case due to potential violence and psychosexual obsession, and I laugh, because well-meaning men always assume God cares what they have to say. Assume their reasons are universally considered negative.

He's not caught on.

It gets made part of Mills' treatment plan, I'm told. With his little fit in the office, Mills confirmed I'm the only thing that'll shake him out of his walking coma. This is indirect for God saying if you don't do what he wants, he'll let St. Peter know to send you on down to hell the next chance he gets. As in, he'll testify against you. Heaven is a bit authoritarian.

Mills still doesn't care. We end up in a room together anyway. It seems God's smoking gun is at least as effective on his partner.

Amazing to think they've only known each other a week. But my guilt had me blowing up buildings, so I can't quite judge Somerset for his.

In this holy meeting ground of ours, I've got plenty of nice restraints on, handcuffs and ankle cuffs and a persistent level of sedation and a leash that leads right to the hand of an angel that's got a syringe with my name on it.

My remembered violence has been received well by half the guard. The other half seems rededicated to liquifying my brain.

Mills, across our long table, has nothing but his own angel on his shoulder.

Nothing in his eyes. Nothing in his face.

A changeover, but no one hooked up the second reel.

God speaks up from his seat of observation and says, "Mr. Mills, why don't you introduce yourself?"

No one's home.

"Mr. Mills. Introduce yourself."

"Mr. Mills."

I'm watching him like I'm trying to see the pollen grain movement of his very atoms, so I get to see when something starts to wake up in Tyler's stolen body. Olympic torch kind of hellfire, in his eyes. Still foggy. I wonder what they've got him on to keep him from chewing his veins out.

Deliver me.

"I don't need another crazy obsessed with me," he says, looking at God. Immediately physical, he's putting his arms on the desk, leaning forward, an automaton sprung to life.

Yeah, well. I say. I don't need another blond angel blowing up my condo and installing me as a cult leader all across the continent.

"Shut the fuck up," he mutters quick, and turns back to God. "This is bullshit. You can't make me do this. Just testify against me and send me to jail. I don't give a shit."

"Detective Somerset does," God says. "He wants you where you won't go and make someone shank you in two days."

Mills presses his hands against his head, squeezing. His hand over my bruise. I hope he feels it. He says, "I don't care what Somerset wants. I knew him for a week."

"Yet you're here because he asked you to be, David — can I call you David?"

Mills rolls his eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tons of pretend niceties around here, isn't it something.

"Shut up," he says.

Hey, I say. Hey. Come on.

What more can I take from you? What's the harm?

It's not like I can kill your wife.

[mayhem-neverending]

The Big Bad Wolf

Summary: Obito survives the fourth shinobi war, and with Kakashi's help, is sent to live in the forest surrounding Konoha. He's a prisoner in his home, the property warded so that no one can enter or exit without the Hokage's explicit permission.

After two years, Kakashi can't ignore the fact that his old friend is wasting away in his home. Thankfully, though, he finds someone (reluctantly) willing to help bring him back to health.

Also, I know that his hair turns white, but I'm keeping it black here. Annnd there are cell phones in this au. I'm pretty sure those are the only major changes I'm making.

Obito Uchiha x Fem!Reader

Warnings: single mother reader, slowburn, angst, canon violence, depression, Uchiha bullshittery, mentions of abuse, alcohol usage, sexual themes

Part I

Word count: 1266

Note: New WIP because my brain can't focus. This is incredibly self-indulgent, because I am a slut for Obito. I will be back on my other WIP soon, I promise. This came to me after I read a fic on AO3, although I can't remember the name.

The Hokage’s tower was intimidating. It was your first time stepping foot anywhere near it in years, and you wondered if it had somehow risen in height. You adjusted your button up and slacks, took a deep breath, and stepped inside.

You navigated the busy hallways swiftly, muscle memory kicking in when your brain wanted to give up. You found yourself in front of the door to the Hokage’s office in a flash, and knocked before you could psych yourself out.

“Come in,”

You opened the door and stepped through, eyes wandering around the room. It looked much the same as it had a few years ago and the familiarity eased some of your nerves. The man in front of you wasn’t necessarily an unfamiliar face, either, and his smile further calmed you.

“Y/n L/n, it’s been quite some time since I’ve seen you,”

You smiled politely at him from your spot near the door. “It has,”

He gestured you forward. “Come, sit,”

You settled yourself down in the chair across from him, and he folded his hands on the desk.

“Thank you for coming in today,”

“Thank you for having me, Lord Sixth,”

“Call me Kakashi,” He waved his hand.

You just managed to keep your disapproving look from fully forming on your face. “Yes, sir,”

He rolled his eyes playfully. It made you shift a bit uncomfortably. You had never been close to the man, and when you had known him, he had been much more serious. He seemed to sense your discomfort, and switched back to a more professional tone.

“So, you’re here for the personal assistant position, correct?”

You nodded.

“Before we continue, I would like to make you aware that this position is not as an assistant to me,”

You frowned, confused. Who would be so important that the Hokage himself would interview for them? Surely he was incredibly busy. It was clearly evident that the aftermath of the war was still weighing heavily on Konoha’s government, even two years later.

He continued, “A close friend of mine has been struggling, and I believe hiring him some help is the least I can do,”

You nodded, curiosity replacing the nerves that had lingered. He drummed his fingers on the desk, eyes cast aside in contemplation. After a moment of silence, he started again, “I suppose I should re-title the position,” His eyes slid to yours. “It’s more of a caretaker job,”

Now you were really confused. “What exactly would I be doing?”

“Cooking, housework, grocery shopping, etc,”

Your lips quirked up and you nodded. You would call yourself an expert in those things after the last two years you had had. “And what would the hours look like?”

“Monday through Friday, starting at 8:30am and ending when you finish your tasks. The position is salary,”

He was ticking off each of your boxes the more he spoke. But, after struggling to find a job that fit all your needs for the past six months, you were quick to hold back your excitement. You were tired of being disappointed when you either didn’t get it, or something just wouldn’t work.

“That sounds like a good deal to me,”

His eyes crinkled into his little half-moon smile. “I’m glad to hear it. I have to ask, what brings you here today?”

“My current job just isn’t a good fit, and I want something that feels more rewarding - like I’m making a difference… I wouldn’t be upset about a pay raise, either.” You half-shrugged.

Kakashi chuckled. “I hear you. What do you think qualifies you for this position? I know it’s a bit different than what I advertised, so don’t worry about taking a second to answer,”

You shook your head, a little smile on your lips. “I’m more qualified for this type of work than what you advertised, so I can answer easily.”

You straightened up in the chair. “Before the last six months, I was a stay at home mom. I handled every piece of housework, managed our finances, did the shopping for the three of us, and took care of my son. It’s almost second nature to me to manage a household now,”

Kakashi nodded. “I was wondering about the gap in your resume,”

You quirked a brow. “Are you telling me you didn’t do a thorough background check before bringing me in here?”

He smiled widely, a sparkle in his eye. “Now there’s the little chunin I remember,”

You smiled bashfully, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“No, I have extensive investigations performed for each person before they enter this office for an interview. I like to see who is honest with me when I ask questions, though,”

You ignored the urge to roll your eyes. “Well, based on mine, how much of a chance do you think I have to get this job?”

He hummed. “Pretty high, I’d say,”

You perked up.

He tapped a tinger to his chin. “Actually, since you caught me, I think it’s only fair to offer it to you, if you want it,”

You blinked in surprise. “Really?”

He nodded, his face sobering quite suddenly. “Although I can’t divulge why at the moment, you are my first choice out of all of the applicants.”

You looked at him in bewilderment, but held your questions in. His eyes flickered around the room. He scratched the back of his head, and brought the smile back to his face.

“Starting pay is seventy-five thousand a year, would that be sufficient?”

It took you a moment to respond. Your head was spinning with the possibilities that would open up to you with that kind of money. The foremost thought in your mind, though, was: I won’t have to struggle anymore.

You finally managed a nod. “More than,”

“Perfect, how soon can you start?”

“Uhh, Monday, probably,”

He started to say something else, but you accidentally interrupted him with your next question. “Who am I supposed to be taking care of?”

Kakashi met your gaze with intensity. He searched your eyes for a long moment, and you tried so very hard not to shrink into yourself. After an eternity, he let loose a heavy sigh. His reaction was making your nerves rise back up at full force.

“Your.. ward, for lack of a better term, is.. Obito Uchiha,”

Your jaw dropped and you stopped breathing, your mind going completely blank. When your thoughts finally filtered in again, your first coherent thought was: So that’s the catch?

Why would you be his first choice for a war criminal’s babysitter? Kami, what would your family say if they found out just who you were working with? Despite your negative internal dialogue, you couldn’t help but think about the money. It would do you so much good, even if you only worked the job for a year or two.

You scrubbed a hand over your face in a jerky movement. It wasn’t much of a debate. You would benefit far more by taking the job than denying it. A sudden thought popped up - something that you should have thought of right off the bat.

“What if he tries to hurt me?”

Kakashi frowned, but his eyes were understanding. “He won’t. I wouldn’t have created the position if I thought he would try something.”

You nodded slowly. It tracked. He didn’t fight at the frontlines during the Fourth Shinobu War to put his people in danger. You knew he was a good man.

“Okay,” you said quietly.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” It was hardly more confident than the first.

“Alright, let’s go over the details then,”

Part II

[graciegoeskrazy]

Last Resort

Sebastian Stan x Teen!reader

Warnings

HEAVY talks of Self-harm, mentions of mental hospitals/psych wards, reader has 2 moms (if that bothers you then just unfollow me), New York City lol, some language, not entirely proofread

Word Count

~2k

A/N

Can you tell I got really lazy at the end? Lol. Sorry for being mia again. Also send me all your fic recs. I’m a update the list soon. Semi proud of this one. Xoxo.

To put it lightly, it had been a rough couple of months, but the long awaited spring break had finally arrived. Your parents didn't tell you where you were going. You only assumed it was some nice dinner or lunch or a fun activity they had planned to kick off your week off. Going on weekend trips to the city wasn’t unusual. You lived not even an hour away, and your online schooling routine gave you and your family the flexibility needed to do fun things like this. This weekend, however, felt…different.

Before you and your parents left, you caught them putting one of your small duffel bags into the back of the car. You didn't think much about it. It wasn't until they pulled into an unfamiliar parking garage once you got into the city, that you started to ask questions.

“So, where exactly are we going?”

“It's a surprise.” Your mom said. A hint of mischief in her voice.

“I thought we were just gonna get something to eat?” You continued.

“We are technically. Well…you are.” Your other mom gave her a light smack on the arm as she drove through the building trying to find a parking spot.

“Don’t spoil it too much!”

They both stopped talking and sat in silence, placing mental bets on how much longer it would be until you started talking again. You shot another glance to the back of the car, then continued. “What’s with the duffel bag?”

Your moms exchanged gitty glances, having a silent conversation with their eyes, debating whether or not to explain more, or just let you see for yourself. They landed on the latter. You sat back abruptly in your seat, arms crossed, pondering what your mothers could possibly have in store.

The car finally pulled into a spot, and the car unclicked. As you got out and stretched your legs you caught a peak of your mom getting out the driver seat and heading to the back out the car. She pulled out the duffel bag and kept walking past you to the elevator. Your mothers paused, exchanged glances at each other's phones which seemed like some sort of text, then continued walking, signaling for you to follow them.

What in the world was happening?

…

The cool New York City air greeted you as you stepped foot on the pavement. Although it was spring and people were dressed like it was the hottest day of summer, there was still a chill in the air.

Your parents turned various corners and ended with you right behind. Ou asked a couple questions here and there, along with some not-so-educated guess…

“Is it…the zoo?”

“Is it a Broadway show?

“Are we seeing the Jonas Brothers in concert?!?!”

“Is it the Disney store? I think I deserve a shopping spree after all I've been through.”

You gave up eventually. With the unhidable smirks your parents kept giving as they walked in front of you, you could tell you were getting nowhere. One of your moms kept checking her phone every 2 seconds, so you felt as if you all were about to reach your destination. She grabbed your arms gently and led you forward so you were now walking in toe with them.

“You know we both love you more than anything in this world right?”

What the fuck is about to happen?!

You kept you cool and just nodded.

“And you know all we want to do is help. Right?”

Your first instinct was that they were about to send you to another mental hospital. You silently hoped and prayed that was not it. You already spent some time there and it was (simply yet accurately put) the deepest darkest hell you have ever experienced. It made some sense with the duffel bag, but still did not entirely add up. You just sent another nod her way.

She smiled and looked forward again. “We hope you have the best time. You will call us if you need anything at all. Understood?”

You quirked your head in confusion as all your steps slowed. “Okay. I need some serious context right now. What the hell do you mean?”

A new voice spoke up. “She means, you're coming with me.”

You whipped your head around and were relieved and equally confused to see a familiar face you adored so much.

“Sebastian!”

You and Sebastian had met when you were 7. You were working on a film together and since then have become inseparable, working on 2 other projects, seeing each other frequently, and practically trusting each other with your lives.

You both smiled as you hugged and greeted each other. “What the hell are you doing here?! What do you mean I'm coming with you?”

“One sec my love.” He said. He turned past you and greeted your parents. Your mom gave him the duffel bag while talking in hushed whispers. You couldn’t make out anything they were saying, but it didn't matter, you were too busy standing in shock from what was happening to try and figure out what was happening.

Your moms voice brought you back to the present. “We love you sweetie! We’ll see you later.”

Sebastian walked back towards you. “You ready?”

“Okay are you gonna be the one to tell me what’s happening?”

He sighed, “You need a break. So, I’m giving you one.”

Still vague.

“Okay? So where are we going?’

“First, grab a quick snack. Then, the park, and then after, my place.”

…

Your day was filled with scenic walks around NYC, delicious sweets provided by Sebastian, and it all led you to now. This duffel bag your parents brought was filled with some clothes and bathroom stuff for an overnight stay or 2. After getting showered in changed back at Sebastian’s apartment, you walked out of the bathroom to find Sebastian pumping up and air mattress for you to sleep on.

“You know I’ll just end up sleeping on the couch right?”

“Nope, I get the couch and you get the air mattress.”

“Hmm. In that case I’ll just take your bed.”

“Very funny. What happened to our movie night? I though you were gonna force me to watch the latest Spider-Man movie?”

“Yeah okay fine.”

You sat on the couch as Sebastian continued to set up the mattress, finishing it with pillows and blankets.

“Okay, I’m still confused. Why did my parents bribe you to hang out with me?”

He chuckled, “They didn’t bribe me, y/n. No one needs to bribe me to hang out with my favorite person.”

You smiled. “Okay, but why now? I still feel like I'm missing something.”

He put the air mattress pump down and sat across from you on the sofa.”

“Your parents and I are just worried, that’s all.”

You pondered his response for a moment. “Worried about what?”

He sighed, “About you.”

He knows

You let out a small fake chuckle. “Why on Earth would you need to-”

“Your parents told me what happened.”

All the color drained from your face. Sebastian must have noticed. He placed a comforting hand on your knee. He knew you kept a lot of things private. Although he knew of some things you were going though, now and in the past, he still knew you were a secretive person, you liked to handle things on your own. He knew it was hard for you to talk about things like this and also knew you definitely didn't want him to know about your most recent struggles, but your parents were desperate in getting you to open up, and Sebastian seemed like the safest bet.

“I- W-what are you-”

“Don't play dumb, y/n.”

The pain and worry seemed to turn to anger. You stood up and went to the kitchen to refill your drink. “I’m fine, Sebastian.”

“Trying to kill yourself doesn’t sound fine to me.”

“Shut up will you!”

“Tell me what happened.”

“I-“

“Go slow. Take your time. I’m here, and I’ve got all night.” He said that last part in an attempt to make you laugh, but it didn’t seem to work.

“A couple months ago…I don’t know, I was really tired. I was still in real school, the bullying was nonstop, everyone made fun of me for the stupidest things. I know I I better than what they said, or the stupid things they called me, but it still ge5s to you, you know? My grades were dropping as a result, I was being treated like shit at work with these terrible directors, and I just reached my breaking point.”

You looked at Sebastian, eyes asking for permission to go on. He nodded, pulling you in closer to him.

“I rarely told my parents about anything. They knew something was wrong, but they never would have suspected it got this bad. One night..I found a bottle of some old prescription pills that used to belong to my mom. I locked my self in the bathroom and just…”

The tears fell faster. You didn’t move. Sebastian just held you as you cried into him. His chin resting on your head. After a moment of catching your breath, you tried to continue.

“I spent a little more than a week in a mental hospital. It was like…pure hell. I never want to go back. And I know it all sounds dumb. I’m lucky, I went to a good school, I was working on a movie for christ's sake, I probably should’ve just sucked it up. I know it probably It sound like I’m a stupid spoiled brat-“

Sebastian grabbed your face genially in his hands “Hey! None of that. You do not need to apologize for what you did. You were struggling and weren’t in a good place. You do not have to apologize for that, you understand me?” You nodded. “All that matters now is that your here now, you're safe, you’re better, and you will get even better, okay? You’ve reached the bottom my love, but you made it out, and now there is nowhere to go but up.” You fell into him again. “And you’re not alone. You have your amazing moms, some of your friends, I beg there is people at work who care about you, and you have me, and you can’t get rid of me that easily, ok?”

“I just wish all of this was over. I wish I was fine, I wish I was normal. I hate feeling this way. This all just happened so fast. I miss myself, I miss being normal.”

“You will feel better again. And what even is normal? Normal is so boring. My love, you were never normal. You were this beautiful, intelligent, superstar young woman, leading a nowhere near normal life. The last thing I would want for you is for you to be normal.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“All you need to do now is focus on getting better, and know I will be there every single step of the way.”

[deafeninggalaxycandy]

✨️ERIC CARTMAN HEADCANONS ✨️

TW: mentions of attempted murder, suicide, depression, psych wards, eric cartman existing is a trigger tbh

• Eric Theodore Cartman

• He/Him

• Born on July 1st, 2003

• 5'9"

• Aroace

• Liane forced him to go to therapy. Most of them quit after they were mentally tortured. The incredibly unlucky few committed suicide or were falsely convicted of a crime.

• He tried to kill his mother at age 13, which led to him being arrested. The judge ruled him as mentally unstable and ended up sentencing him to be put in a psych ward for 4 years.

• He has narcissistic personality disorder and anti-social personality disorder

• He's not a psychopath but he is a diagnosed sociopath

• His attempted murder of his mom was similar to when he tried to kill her in Season 10, Episode 7, "Tsst". It was a result of him being frustrated because of the forced therapy and her no longer catering to his destructive habits.

• His friends had visits with him in the ward for a few months. After he escaped a few times and caused more havoc, they finally decided that Cartman was too dangerous to hang around and eventually stopped visiting.

• Eric's time alone was at first spent trying to escape, thinking of revenge plans, and stealing food from other patients. But after about a long time of depression and loneliness, he started reflecting on his actions and realizing he couldn't be a selfish asshole and keep the people he loves around at the same time.

• After he got released, he decided to apologize to his friends, his mom, and Heidi.

• They eventually reconciled and helped him progress his character.

• He's still kind of a dickhead but he's not a sadistic manipulator. He's not a great person but he's trying.

• Major road rage. He's a very reckless driver and has gotten into multiple accidents.

• Still secretly sleeps with his stuffed animals.

• His handwriting is absolutely awful almost nobody can read it. He can hardly even spell correctly.

• He takes up wrestling in high school. He's still fat, but he has more muscle, so he's pretty strong.

• He watches soap operas with his mom.

• A good 85% of his time alone is spent arguing with people on reddit

• The other 15% is him dressing in drag and putting on dance performances to Lady Gaga songs

Eric actually gets along great with kids. He's like a mentor to Tricia (much to Craigs dismay)

• He's secretly jealous of Kyle's stable family and grades. He's really jealous of Kyle's relationship with Ike, as Eric's relationship with his half-brother Scott is very hateful.

• He's also bitter about Kyle being taller than him

• Very fluent in German (we all know why), Russian, and Spanish.

• He's actually smarter than everyone, but he's too lazy to do any work.

• He complains about his weight in private but absolutely refuses to eat vegetables.

• Kenny and Heidi are the only people he genuinely trusts. He loves his mom but is still scared of her getting him sent to prison

• He talks in his sleep. Usually he's saying something nonsensical or a disturbing secret.

i made Cartman and Heidi get back together (HE CHANGED SHUT UP)

fr tho I actually hate cartman so I had to do a lot of work for him to be halfway decent in my eyes 💀

[normalbrothers]

likely said before but the fight club film adaption isn't that much of a satire on 'toxic masculinity', much ridicule thrown at the dudebros that don't get it, but the film isn't really against that interpretation. by the end of the film the banks blow up and it's beautiful and validates durden's shenanigans in a lot of ways. and i don't quite think the novel's All That (tm) either, but the ending is much more discerning, the bombs don't go off, the banks don't blow up, and the narrator is sent to a psych ward where he frightfully has to listen to 'whisperings' about how *his* ideas are still being followed.

[borderline-culture-is]

(MAJOR CW: RAPE, ABLEISM, THE MELANIE MARTINEZ AND PUMPKIN THE GENTLEMAN SITUATIONS, SUICIDE THREATS, PSYCH WARDS) --- bpd culture is making a tony crynight discord server out of spite because nobody in the already-existing server seems to understand wtf having bpd is actually like and how to properly communicate boundaries with someone who has bpd

Context:

(disclaimer: some details may be inaccurate because I don't 100% remember what happened, and I'm trying to recall it to the best of my ability)

in the first server, I was talking about the pumpkin the gentleman situation because I was frustrated at how people were handling it(mainly through unneeded jokes about a particular video that had nothing to do with the overall situation), and at first, everyone was agreeing with me on what I said, but after I brought up the melanie martinez situation (because the same shit was happening to that situation too, mainly calling her "felony fartinez" and the ungodly amount of rape threats getting thrown around), they started to switch up on me and even started to make jokes about the ptg situation themselves just to confirm that their opinion changed.

Frustrated, I ended up leaving the server and blocking a few people that were in the server, splitting from them in the process, and I was left emotionally dysregulated for the rest of the day afterwards.

A few hours later, I unblocked one of my friends and apologized to him for what happened, and he said I was allowed to come back as long as I didn't talk about the ptg situation because everyone was uncomfortable with talking about it entirely.

Now, I know this probably sounds unreasonable, and I'm not saying he was in the wrong for this because he didn't know what happened himself, but I feel like the people in the server should've just communicated beforehand that they weren't comfortable with the discussion of the ptg situation, instead of pretending to agree up untill the mention of the melanie martinez situation, because that just sounds like they switched up on me to trigger me on purpose, so naturally, that set me off, like a lot.

So I got back on the server and started mass-blocking everyone, and then I left after that. The stress from that + some unrelated stuff that was going on sent me into a spiral that led to me threatening to kill myself (and just to clarify: when it happened I was experiencing suicidal urges, so yes, I was actually gonna go through with it). I put an end date in my bio on all of my social medias and left it at that.

Two of the people from the server tried messaging me, but because i was in a split from them, I told them to fuck off and leave me alone. This will be important later.

I'm just honestly lucky that I had an irl friend who was staying the night that day, because they saw what was going on and went to check up on me, same with my mom and sister. That, and also seeing ptg's apology video where he explained a few things and took accountability for the things he did wrong, helped me calm down and regulate to a point where I could think logically. Realizing what I just did, I decided that maybe it was time for me to get help.

So after a bit, I came back to the server and apologized for what happened, and let everyone know that I was voluntarily admitting myself to the psych ward because I realized the mental state I was in was getting worse.

Let's just say people weren't too happy about it, because they all started to chew me out, mostly through condescending comments and yelling at me over what happened. This caused me to dysregulate again, and I tried everything I could to get them to understand what I was going through, while repeatedly saying that I was sorry because I didn't want the friends I genuinely cared about to leave me (abandonment issues am I right). I brought up how I was getting admitted to the psych ward, and one of them said "great for you" in a condescending tone, just as an example of the condescension being thrown around in there. They were also telling me that I was trying to manipulate them because of the amount of times I said "i'm sorry."

one of my friends was trying to de-escalate the situation, but the people in the server kept pushing and making it worse. I eventually left the server crying, and the friends in question was comforting me the whole time, which helped me a lot.

I took some time to reflect on what happened while I was at the ward, and even after I was discharged, and after a few weeks, I realized that it wasn't entirely my fault, and in fact, it's no big surprise why I did what I did.

the people in the server manipulated me into believing that I could trust them with whatever opinion I had in mind, and then they decided to switch up on me with no warning, triggering me into an episode that led me to do something bad and out of character (because before this I haven't threatened myself since 2023), and then they blamed me for what happened, further worsening my mental state.

If that doesn't sound like reactive abuse, idk what does.

The reason why I say that is because they KNEW I had bpd, I disclosed it to everyone the same day I got diagnosed, and they all acted supportive of it, and then used that to their advantage when I was at my most vulnerable to emotional dysregulation.

Of course, I'm aware that threatening suicide isn't okay regardless, and it's triggering for some people, but at the same time, I couldn't think logically when it happened, so obviously I acted in a way that was unreasonable. I am trying to work on myself a bit more to prevent something like that from happening again, and I'm also taking mood stabilizers to help with the emotional dysregulation.

I'm just extremely frustrated at how stigmatized BPD is, because I feel like what happened was because of the stigma, and what they did just basically contributed to it, and I also feel like some of them were uneducated about bpd, which also contributed to what happened. But overall i'm still shaken from what happened, and I'd rather not be associated with that server anymore.

They did end up banning me after what happened, so in retaliation, I made my own server, which has better security measures and more strict rules regarding ableism and triggering content than the last one. A few of my friends are currently in that server, and I'm planning to publish the official link for it here on Tumblr and on youtube after I post this.

Constructive criticism on this question is welcome, because I want to know if I was in the wrong here, and if so if there are things I can do to improve myself should I be in another situation like this.

All I can say anymore is this: Niko, go fuck yourself. <3

.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

Still on hiatus and all but I gotta write this out somewhere or I'll bust. I'm scared and I am so tired of being scared. Squinting hard at a couple of cuts that might be infected, researching how to take care of them without going to a doctor because if I have to do that the whole house of cards tumbles down because I've been lying to everyone about how bad this whole self harm thing has been going. Like the other day my brother asked directly if I'd self harmed in the last hour, and I had. About a dozen times. And I said no. I don't even know why I said no. I know why I deny it to the psych! she's sent me to emergency twice before and I have no wish to go there again. What help would it give? What can they do, when I'm never going to be entirely honest with them because I don't want to end up in a psych ward doped up with antipsychotics? But the longer it goes on the more desperate I'm getting. I want to die and I want to kill myself and those two desires are completely separate and I have them both. I don't know how to be in a situation where I'd be able to kill myself at present without either my brother or friends being the ones to find me, and I don't want that. - Though I've thought of barricading myself in the bathroom and then contacting both my brother and emergency services so he knows not to try and help. But I don't know - I'm going insane. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. And eating is hard, it's so hard, but somehow I'm still eating enough and I don't get it.

And once again - nobody dare call the cops on me or I will lie to their faces and say I'm fine.

[half-man-half-lime]

Sorry if I'm like, reciting something I forgot I heard on We've Got Worm or read in a post or something, but one thing that makes the cafeteria scene in Worm so great and warms my heart like nothing else is what it really means when the other kids stand up to side with Taylor.

Because Taylor's defining trauma was being shoved in a rotten, disgusting locker and yelling and banging for help and, crucially, knowing that there were tons of people around, and none of them cared enough to try and help her. She got a Master power from being a social outcast.

But after her career as a villain, with every heroic act, she started setting an example. That's what changes things. She flips out on Charlotte- despite the poor girl only just having been saved from human trafficking- for being a bystander back at school and not trying to help. And she did it right after making the choice to save Charlotte rather than being a bystander herself. And after that, after risking her life fighting mannequin, Charlotte decides to take in the neighborhood kids orphaned by Leviathan and the Slaughterhouse Nine.

Who do you think taught her that? What changed from when Charlotte stood by and let some random classmate get bullied so bad she got sent to the hospital psyche ward? Who taught her to expect better from herself?

And Charlotte is the first to stand up when Taylor tells people to stand with her.

The biggest contrast between Taylor visiting Arcadia and back when she was in Winslow isn't that the Undersiders are in power and corrupt the system to their own ends, it's that, despite their evils, they fought their way through a harsh point in the city's history and helped others along the way.

So Taylor, after once calling out for help and being ignored by people who were indifferent or felt powerless, calls out for help again and the people around her risked their own safety for her because of the example she set.

[dysfunctionaldogdude]

Randomly thought of a scenario of me being sent to a psych ward. It was not pleasant at all.

I fucking hate psych wards, I've been threatened to be sent to one before, I wasn't threatened again because they saw how scared I got.

I'd hate to have a day where I snap and then be forced to go to a psych ward. I know several people who've been sent them and none of them enjoyed it.

I know I'd be crying begging to not go. Probably saying I'll never do it again, I'll be better. I've said stuff like that before when I'm desperate and scared. I know I'll do it if I'm getting put into one of those things. I'd have to be violently dragged into one of those to end up in there or something.

[aquillis-main]

I'm so often dejected that I feel like I'm never allowed to talk about the best character traits of characters I like, without someone shitting on them to try and make me not want to talk about them. Take for example, Tails and Amy. I've often explained in the past what traits I enjoyed for these characters, and why I feel some people just end up ignoring them for the weaselish opinions that force them to be something they're not.

With Amy, it doesn't matter how often I talk about her or not, the moment I make one mention of her character being 'what I like' about her, a dozen anons out of the woodwork come in to talk gruesomely about how much they want to murder a fictional character, all because they don't like her at all. Not only do I find that childish, I also feel it's a sign that some people might be into gore in real life, which I don't condone and I'd frankly would rather see them sent to the psych ward for that. But because it's a fictional character they harp on that they want to do that with, it wouldn't stick. It just... It infuriates me. I love Amy as a character, and I want to talk about what makes her my favourite. But I can't, because there's anons out there who'd try to get me to be grossed out by her by stating these things.

As for Tails, I feel many people harp over the idea of Tails being 'young', even though in the games, Tails does not have any characteristics of his age beyond being a bit meek, and having to psyche himself up. Most of his appearances showcase him living on his own, having his own workshop and (generally) working on his own without much assistance. He's more or less got himself sorted, and out of everything Sonic gives Tails, it's a confidence boost. I'm all for Sonic and Tails having a sort of brother-bond, as the two often work together, but beyond that there's not really much to talk about in terms of their relationship, and people are missing more of the forest to hyperfocus on one tree in it when it comes to Tails.

Every time I talk about how much I prefer Tails being independent, it always comes back to how I want him an orphan for whatever reason, even though the games showcase he's fine on his own and doesn't need anything beyond confidence.

It's so goddamn hard to talk about things I like without bad faith a tors coming in to shut my mouth all the damn time.