#I eat like 3-4 bananas a day and it's still barely enough

[dalishthunder]

I worry people think this means that this is because I am vegan, no, it is because my thyroid is trying to kill me and I'm on a diuretic that pulls these from my body to turn into pee

Me: Struggling to get enough water and potassium to make sure I don't land in the hospital again

Also me: Projects this onto fictional characters

[mowu-moment]

ranking food tokens by how much personally i want to eat them

- Throne of Eldraine -

i have reason to distrust this meat pie thing, not only because of its wails of anguish but it also seems to have burst a bit in the oven. still not honestly opposed, at least the dishes are clean. 5/10.

how does one unpeel a curly banana? why are there sliced-open fruits on what appears to be a stone in the woods? where is the light coming from? i'm going to be taken by the fae and it's not even gonna taste too good while i'm at it, these things look dirty. but idk i don't mind someone else taking the wheel of my life rn. 2/10.

again, concerns about the floor food, but at least it looks more like some deliverygirl got eaten by a wolf and dropped her basket than a trap. someone already took a bite, though, maybe i should leave it be. 4/10

i have been invited to the Goblin King's Feast and while i don't fully agree with his choices i will certainly partake. boar looks wonderful apart from the hair. 7/10

- Commander 2020 / Strixhaven Commander -

i'm pretty sure cattails are poisonous to humans (not to mention the actual poisons in there) so i unfortunately can't oblige gyome's swamp soup. that crusty bread looks pretty nice though. i'll pick this thing apart like high school cafeteria lunch. 3/10.

- Modern Horizons 2 -

i at least know who cooked this one, and i trust asmor a decent bit, but this is still food for demons, so maybe it's not too good for me. goddamn do i wanna know what it tastes like though. 4/10.

- Unfinity -

i'm considering these two together. as a filthy american, i am allured by these fat-filled foods, but as a lad with a tiny stomach, i doubt i could eat enough to feel good about not wasting it. astrotorium's about excess, goddamn. the only funfair burger i've had was the best thing i had eaten in months, but it also made me ill the rest of the day. i really do want some infinity fries though, those look like the golden mean between a steak fry and a curly fry. 6/10.

- March of the Machine Commander -

meanwhile this looks like a texture nightmare. like i respect it, i imagine it's filling and fulfilling, but i don't think i ever could eat more than a bite or two. bread looks a little worse than gyome's but only a little. 5/10.

- Lord of the Rings: Tales of Middle-Earth -

my white ass loves a charcuterie board. and i'm not going to be intimidated out of it by not eating enough, since it's all in snack-sized bits already. definitely gonna overindulge this sucker. i'm nervous about some of those spreads though. 9/10.

this looks like i'm in a dream, is it actively cooking? or still hot? i can't identify what's in that pan anyway. i'm leaving it alone out of respect. wouldn't mind a drink though. 2/10.

this is not food. for humans. 0/10.

- Wilds of Eldraine -

this is a king's feast i am properly intimidated by. i'm more into it than the Goblin King's, particularly that triple-layer blueberry pie or whatever that is, but i'm going to have to be as polite as possible lest i get a face full of flaming beer. 8/10

i'll probably be eaten before this can eat me, and it barely looks like food, but at least i go down with sugar in the mouth. 1/10.

ogh. that egg looks divine. the bread looks amazing, there's a full glass, i've got like beans or mermaid tears everywhere. we've even got seasonings back there. the best damn breakfast i'll ever have. 10/10.

i would still probably eat this over nothing. there's onion, at least. i will either be hexed or violently ill, but like i could at least get it down. and maybe the witchmother is testing my strength and she'll reward me after slurping an eyeball. a convenient lie to tell myself. 2/10.

- Doctor Who Commander -

y'know, four, i think i would like a copyrighted candy. they look sad and british, which is on point. but like it's not actively killing me like half of these. i think anyway. i don't know doctor who. 6/10.

what is this? i have no idea. custard? raw batter? giant dunkaroo? is he dipping fishsticks? it doesn't look like it's done cooking, like do we need to put it in a fryer again? i'd say it's inedible but it's not poison stew so i have to be nice. 4/10.

get AWAY from me. this is a PERSONAL vendetta. i would rather try to eat spiderwebs. plus he's already eaten half of it. -10/10.

- Fallout Commander -

i can't be too mean since this is literally apocalypse food. i think i prefer this over poison stew? like i recognize it at least, even if it's foul and moldy. man has to eat something. 3/10

i'm not convinced there's actual soda in here. is this just a perspective shot or is this a giant prop soda? i don't like cola anyway. again, worth it in an apocalypse i suppose. 4/10

this soda i trust even less. it glows? does this give me magic powers in the fallout world or does it just kill me slowly? i think it'll kill me slowly anyway. i need fluid to survive in apocalypseland but damn i hate for it to come to this. 2/10.

[sugdenlovesdingle]

Tarlos @flufftober day 4 (day 3 is still in the works but will be posted later today!)

Alt prompt #5 "Oh no, you're a morning person!"

The first morning (AO3)

The morning after the first time TK spends the night at Carlos' place

---

Carlos woke up and could barely move. For a second he thought sleep paralysis had taken over his body, but then he felt a puff of air on the back of his neck, and he remembered the night before.

He smiled to himself and slowly, carefully, turned around.

Next to him, or rather, clinging to him like an octopus, was TK.

TK who had finally agreed to spend the night and didn’t run a mile in the middle of the night.

He watched TK sleep and barely managed to stop himself from reaching out and running his fingers through his hair.

It had been a rough few months for them but they were finally in a good place, only despite spending most evenings at Carlos’ place, TK had never actually stayed over. Until last night.

They’d gone out to the club they’d taken Paul to a few weeks earlier, and they’d danced and just let loose, knowing they’d both have a few days off coming up.

Afterwards Carlos had, almost on autopilot, driven them back to Owen’s place, only for TK to stop him and tell him to turn left to his house instead.

They hadn’t even done anything but snuggle up in bed and sleep, but Carlos couldn’t remember the last time he had been this happy.

After allowing himself to look at TK a little longer, he carefully slipped out of bed and went downstairs. He was going to make TK breakfast in bed and make their first morning together special.

He opened the fridge and sighed when he saw its contents . He hadn’t planned on TK staying over and he hadn’t had the chance to go grocery shopping yet that week.

He briefly considered getting fresh pastries from the bakery down town TK had mentioned he liked, but he didn’t want to risk him waking up in an empty house thinking Carlos had run off.

“Looks like there’s enough for pancakes here.” He mumbled to himself. “And I still have some of that green tea he likes and those bananas are still ok to eat.” He shook his head when he realised he’d been talking to himself. “First sign of madness, Reyes.” He turned the radio on for background noise and got to work.

He wasn’t really listening to the music, just humming along while he cooked until he vaguely recognised a song his mother loved. He remembered catching his parents dancing to it in the kitchen on more than one occasion.

“You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you.” He quietly sang along, thinking of TK and maybe dancing to the very song with him some day.

“Oh no, you’re a morning person.” He suddenly heard from behind him, making him jump and turn around. “If this is a regular thing, this isn’t going to work.” TK joked, looking unfairly attractive for someone who had apparently just woken up.

“You're supposed to be in bed! I was going to make you breakfast in bed!” Carlos scolded him, when his heartrate had returned to normal.

“I woke up and you weren’t there. I got lonely.” TK shrugged, pushing himself off the doorjamb and walking over to Carlos, wrapping his arms around his waist. “And then I heard you down here and I thought I'd come enjoy the show.”

Carlos laughed and leaned in for a kiss.

“What can I say, I'm in a good mood.”

“Yeah? Any particular reason?”

“I don’t know. I had a good night’s sleep. It’s a nice day…”

“It’s raining.”

“Maybe I like rain.”

“No you don’t, you hate rain because it messes up your hair.” TK teased.

“That was one time!” Carlos protested. “And it was because I wanted to look nice for you on our first official date.”

TK’s face softened and he pressed another kiss to Carlos’ lips.

“You looked great babe. You always do. It’s not fair really.”

“Hmm… says the man who looks like a model when he’s just woken up.”

“Shut up. You’re my boyfriend, you’re biased.” TK said and Carlos briefly wondered if he could feel his heart skip a beat at the mention of that word. It wasn’t the first time TK had called him his boyfriend, but he still felt giddy every time.

“What are you making?” TK peeked over his shoulder at the stove.

“Pancakes. Is that alright?”

“Sure.”

“What? Don’t you like pancakes?”

“No I do, I do. I just... never really eat breakfast. I usually just have a smoothie and back in New York I’d just get a coffee and whatever pastry looked semi fresh from the bodega near the firehouse.”

Carlos frowned.

“You can’t live on coffee and a pastry. Let alone work a full shift.”

“I don’t know. I’d just rather sleep a little longer than get up to cook.”

“From now on, I’ll make you a real breakfast whenever I can.”

“From now on? Does that mean this will be a regular thing?” TK asked innocently.

“I hope so. I like waking up next to you.” Carlos said and kissed him before stepping out of his embrace and turning his attention back to the stove. “Sit down, they’re almost done.”

“I thought I was getting breakfast in bed?”

“Get back to bed then, I’ll be up in a sec.” Carlos ordered, making TK laugh

In the end they settled on the sofa together, enjoying the pancakes and each other’s company with the radio in the kitchen still playing mindless pop songs.

“You know that song is actually about a man.” TK said around a bite of food.

“What song?”

“The one you were singing along to in the kitchen earlier. Can't take my eyes off you. Bob Crewe wrote it after waking up next to a man one morning and not being able to stop looking at him.”

Carlos gave him a questioning look.

“How do you even know that?”

TK shrugged.

“My mom is a musical theatre fan. She'd take me to shows all the time back in New York. We saw Jersey Boys four times I think. The story of Frankie Valli and the four seasons. She knew the guy who played Bob Crewe somehow and he told us that after the show one time.”

“So what you're saying is that you are a secret theatre kid?” Carlos teased. “What other trivia do you know?”

“Not much. I was just reminded of it when I saw you in the kitchen. I think I understand Bob Crewe now.” TK said and pressed a kiss to Carlos’ shoulder.

“Yeah? Are you going to write a song about me then?”

TK laughed.

“If I do, you’ll be the first to know.”

[readingonpluto]

16 Days of Nessian - Day 8/16

MATURE CONTENT WARNING

Just Like Her Novels 

*If you have any ideas for fanfiction or headcanons, leave them below!*

Day 1, Day 2,  Day 3,  Day 4,  Day 5,  Day 6,  Day 7

Word count: 1777

I hardly remember writing this. Have mercy.

'A soft kiss is pressed into the side of my neck, causing a moan to escape past my lips--'

A feather-like kiss on my neck snaps me out of my book. I whip around to glare at my mate as his normal smirk setted onto his face.  

"Go away. I'm at a good part," I snap at him, turning back to the words on my page. Cassian doesn't give up that easily. 

'He nibbled on my earlobe, trailing kisses down my neck until he--'

Cassian's canines gently scrape my earlobe causing a small squeak to escape my lips. 

"Stop," I hiss, pushing his face away. 

He frowns at me. "I'm trying my best here sweetheart." 

I glare at him, once again going back to the words on my page. "Good for you. Now leave."

'Brushing my hair to the side, he breaks my flesh with his teeth. Blood dribbles down my shoulder--'

Cassian scrapes his canines gently over the exposed skin on my shoulder. 

I slam my book shut, standing up and throwing it down on the couch. I pace right up to my mate, glaring daggers at him. 

"What do you want?" I question, not backing down as he steps closer to me, towering over me, letting his wings puff out slightly.

He grins. "I'm trying to be one of the boys in your novels." 

I stare at him blankly. "By annoying me?"

"Haven't you noticed sweetheart?" He grins, kissing my bare shoulder then trailing up to my jaw. 

I clench my teeth together, trying not to give into his teasing. "Noticed what?" 

"Everything you've mumbled to yourself while you read, I've done to you." He pulls back, tilting his head, studying my face like it was the key to everything. "Say the word, and I'm yours."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

He grins. "Did you know you mumble while you read?" 

I glare at him. "You've mentioned it before." 

"He nibbled on my earlobe. A soft kiss is pressed into the side of my neck. Breaks my flesh with his teeth." Cassian mocks in a feminine voice, grinning at me like a cat. 

It clicks, and I stare at him. He's been doing everything I say... 

"So?" He urges, wrapping his arms around me, gluing me to his chest. 

"Go away," I order, pushing on his chest. He holds firm. 

"Come on sweetheart," He purrs, leaning down close to my ear. "You can do better than that." 

I suck in a breath, biting my lip, as Cass brushes his nose along my neck. Need pools in my core, but I ignore it. 

"I'm trying to read." I push away again, and this time he lets go. I stride over to the couch, sitting down and pulling the book back to me, flipping it open to the page I'm on. 

He lets out a small noise that closely resembles a whimper, and strides to our bedroom. I let out a sigh, continuing with my novel. 

'Carefully he wrapped my wrists in his tie--'

Cassian strides out of our bedroom. Stark naked. 

My mouth goes dry as I stare at him as he slowly approaches me, a smirk dancing on his lips. He takes a spot right across from me and pretends to flip through a book that was on the coffee table. I continue to stare at him, already feeling the need growing stronger. 

"It's rude to stare sweetheart." He drawls, keeping his eyes on the pages. 

Slowly, I close my novel, slipping it onto the small table. I stand as Cassian's eyes slide to me, tracking my movements until I'm standing in front of the coffee table, about five meters away from him.

If he wants to play. I'll play. 

Without a word, I unbind my hair letting it fall past my shoulders. I glance up at him, at what I'm doing to him, as my hands go to my back to start undoing the laces binding my dress to me. 

Cassian makes to stand, but I snap at him. "Stay sitting." His eyes pierce mine, his smirk returning as he leans back into the couch casually. 

The silk fabric of my dress slips down my body, shortly followed by my underclothing. 

I watch as Cass licks his lips taking me in. I bite my lip--something I know that makes him see red--as I stroll over to our kitchen, swaying my hips as I go. 

When I'm behind the counter, I grin at him. "Come here." 

He's up in a second, and standing in front of me in two. 

"Don't touch me," I tell him as I start to see his hand inch towards me. His eyes are glazed with lust as they burn into me. 

Once again swaying my hips, I glance over my shoulder as I take a banana out of the fruit bowl. I turn to him, giving him a full view of my front side. Carefully, I peel the fruit in my hand. 

Cass's eyes burn into me as I throw away the peel, and break the insides in two. The first half I eat slowly, making sure to take big bites, and making sure my mate is watching my every move. When I'm done, I casually stroll over to Cass, standing mere centimeters away from his bare skin. 

"Are you hungry?" I ask him, looking up innocently. 

"Very." He nearly growls. 

Silently, I hold the fruit up to his mouth. As he eats it from my hand, I didn't think my heart could beat any faster, that is until Cass started licking the leftover taste of the fruit from my fingers. 

A deep groan slips past my lips, as Cass carefully takes my hand in his own, making sure to do a thorough job of sucking on each of my fingers. 

I press against him, sliding my hands behind his neck and pulling him down to my level. "Kiss me..." I whisper.

He smirks, pressing his lips to mine, tracing his tongue along my bottom lip. I open my mouth, and his tongue plunges in dancing with my own. A small moan escapes me, as I angle my head so he can deepen the kiss. 

"My neck..." I get out between kisses. He doesn't waste any time, attacking my neck with his lips, sucking and scraping it with his canines. 

"Mark me..." I whisper, my knees going weak with pleasure. 

"Biting or sucking?" He asks against my skin like this was a casual conversation. 

"Bite--" I don't even finish my word as Cassian's teeth sink into my soft skin. I cry out and Cassian drags his tongue over the small wound, soothing it. 

"Cass..." I mumble, taking his hand in my own and directing it to my core. He smirks against my skin continuing his kisses on my jaw and neck as his fingers start rubbing circles around my clit. I moan, taking his other hand and placing in on my chest. He immediately starts teasing the nipple, and I can only wrap my arms around his neck pulling him ever closer. 

Pleasure erupts through me, but Cassian doesn't stop his teasing. 

I lightly bite his earlobe and trail my hands down the top of his wings whispering, "Take charge..."

He explodes into action, picking me up in one scoop, letting me wrap my legs around his middle. He brings us over to a wall, pushing my back into it, pushing the tip of his member against my core but making no move to push in. Instead, he sucks on my neck, marking me more. 

"Cass..." I mumble. 

He tsks. "I'm in charge now," He hums. "And I want payback..." 

I groan as his canines again sink into my skin. I moan, running my hands down his wings. He takes a sharp intake of breath and his member twitches. 

"No wings." He orders. I don't listen, running soft fingers over the membrane. His teeth sink into my neck, and I cry out, my hands instantly leaving his wings. 

He smirks at me, hoisting me up a little higher, giving himself full access to my breast. Gently, he takes one of my nipples into his mouth and bites down gently. I breathe out his name, lacing my fingers through his messy hair. He pulls away, only to move onto the next one. 

I very nearly whimper as Cass places me back on the ground, stepping away from me. 

"Stay here," He says smirking, before slipping into our room. I clench my thighs together, the need so strong now that I'm close enough that one stroke from Cass will result in me finding release. 

Cassian comes back out, his face giving away nothing, a tie in hand. I stare at him as he approaches, grabbing my wrists gently, and knotting his tie around them, binding them together. I groan, shifting on my feet. 

Cass leans in close to me. "Follow." 

He leads me to the bedroom, pushing me down onto the bed, then tying my hands to the frames. I struggle against the ropes, mumbling out his name. 

I buck my hips, as he crawls on top of me, pressing his member into my now soaked entrance. 

"What is it you want sweetheart?" He questions, grinding against me. 

I moan loudly, fighting the bonds, trying to push him into me. He grins, trailing his tongue along my peaked nipple again. 

"Cass..." I breathe, causing him to look up at me, my nipple between his teeth. "Please..."

He smiles, deeming it word enough. Sucking along my jaw again, my mate fills my needs, slipping into me and starting a steady pace. It's only when I start crying out his name, pulling against the bonds, so close to release, do his movements grow more uneven and wild. 

He moans my name as he spills into me, and I cry out his own. 

Carefully, he pulls out of me, unbinding my hands gently. Still panting he pulls me into his side. I nuzzle into his warmth as he wraps the blanket around our shivering bodies. 

"Was it just like your novels?" He asks into my hair. 

I glance up at him, giving him a soft smile. "Better," I hum. "It was with you, and not some random guy I met in a café."

He smiles back claiming my lips again. My hand trails up his chest, right over his wings. He groans, eyes filled with a new kind of lust. 

"I have one last command..." I mummer, running a hand down the most sensitive part of his wing. 

He shudders, scraping his canines over my skin again. "What is that?"

"Do it again."

[justreadingfics]

Looking For a Heartbeat - (26- Final Chapter)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Series Summary: You and Bucky used to be in a relationship. Feelings were hurt, you left. It’s been two years and you’re back. You both will handle the reunion well, won’t you?

Word Count: ~4.5k

Warnings for this chapter: sugary sweet fluff all the way, happy endings clichés because author loves them and couldn’t help it.  

A/N:  I need to thank @lesqui, @nedthegay and @suz-123 who on different times of the process of writing this long ass fic helped me by reading it and beta-ing for me. This is it, the final one. It almost feels like an epilogue, tbh. It’s been a long journey and as much as I’m happy with the end, it’s also pretty much bittersweet for me. I can’t express how important it was to read every comment reblog, messages and asks, to see the likes and reblogs, the yelling, the love, the laughs and loving words. There’s been so much love I can’t really deal with that, lol. Seriously, thank you. I hope the ending is satisfying, but I know there’ve been different expectations for this story. This is how I always imagined the ending, I hope you like fluff. More A/N at the end.

Masterlist link on my description.  

  The repeating sound of the pen hitting against the notebook is something you’ve grown used to and, as unexpected as it can be, it turns out to be kind of relaxing for you.

But not to the man beside you.

You glance to your left on the couch and see his leg bouncing. The drop of sweat running down his forehead is also evident as his arms are kept crossed in front of him. Bucky is obviously nervous and Heloise being so quiet while staring at him from under her glasses with an unreadable expression for so long certainly isn’t helping.

It was your idea to start couple's therapy with her and now it’s your first session together. Heloise has been helping you so much throughout this time and, as sure as you and Bucky are of how you both feel for each other and what you want from the relationship, it felt right to seek some professional support to help you find the right pace.  Even with her peculiar ways – which you’ve particularly fond of by now- you know she’s the right one to help you.

Heloise clears her throat. The exaggerated loud sound cuts through the silence and makes Bucky flinch beside you. Her eyes finally advert from him to you while she points her pen at him, “Now I can tell why that other doctor went bananas for this one,” she deadpans.

Bucky chokes on absolutely nothing and you can’t help but smirk, “You should see him shirtless.” You wink at her, ignoring when Bucky gasps even harder than the first time and snaps incredulous big eyes at you.

Heloise’s shoulders move as she chuckles and writes something down on her notebook. Bucky cocks an outraged eyebrow at you. With a smile on your lips, you shake your head dismissively and give him a reassuring squeeze on the knee. He still seems unconvinced, though, eyes narrowing suspiciously at you. He’ll get used to her eventually.

Heloise claps her hands, grasping your attention, “Alright, let’s make this relationship last. Spill all the juice.”  

~~~

5 YEARS LATER

The giggles are loud enough for you to hear from outside the front door of your apartment. Her giggles, to be specific. The smile comes out easily on your lips just to the sweet sound of it.

You take in a deep breath before twisting the knob. As soon as you walk into your apartment, the voices become clearer.

“Don’t lie to me, daddy.”

“That’s all true, I’m telling you, if Uncle Steve see a little tiny spider he’ll be quaking in his boots, my Sun.” Bucky’s voice is soft an amused coming from the kitchen.

Summer’s sweet laughter comes shortly after as they continue the conversation.

Wanting nothing but to hold them tightly before you get to tell them the big news, you drop your bag to the floor by the door and whistle the four tunes the three of you have come up with and that belong to you only. A way to recognize each other without needing any words.  

They’re quiet right before you hear a chair scratching against the floor and tiny bare feet running to you.

“Mommy, mommy, mommy.” The little ball of energy rushes into the living room and lashes herself to your legs.  

You’ve been on a mission for days now and you were only supposed to comeback on Sunday, but it’s one day before and your presence here is a surprise for her. A pleasant one, you can see.

“Hello, my little sun,” You laugh, reaching down to pick her up. She’s much heavier now at the age of 6 than she was as a baby, but you still love to take her in your arms just as much as you used to, especially after so many days away from her, depending solely on video calls whenever you had a little time to see her, “I missed you so much,” You lean back and take a good look at her, seeing how much she’s grown to look just like you – except from the eyes, which is all Bucky - and attack her little face with kisses as she squirms and giggles, wrapping her arms around your neck.

“Me too.” She pops a long kiss on your cheek back as you step to the couch and sit down, keeping her on your lap, “Daddy’s making cupcakes, I know it’s almost lunchtime and he said he wasn’t gonna but then I told him I really, really, really wanted to eat his cupcakes because they are so good and better than the ones at the bakery, and then he decided it was ok, and then he made a lot of chocolate, vanilla with chocolate chips, blueberry, strawberry-”

As she continues her childish rambling, your eyes travel to behind her shoulder and meet the sight which will never cease to take your breath away. You take in a shuddering sigh as Bucky leans his side to the doorframe, arms crossed in front of him, watching you and Summer with that look in his eyes. That look that comes with a small smile and makes you very much aware of your thundering heartbeats and tells you how big his love for you and your daughter is.

Over grey shirt and sweatpants, he’s wearing his black apron, the one which Summer gave to him at Father’s day, after using her fingers to write “Super Dad” with white paint and he never takes it off when he’s in the kitchen.

You smile as he leans away from the doorframe and walks towards you. Without breaking his gaze from your, not even once, he sits beside you and pulls your chin for a kiss. You sigh through the soft and longed touch of his lips.

“Ugh, daddy, I was talking to mommy,” Summer puts her little hands on both your cheeks and pulls your faces apart from each other, making you both chuckle a the imposed separation.

“Sorry, honey.” He fumbles with her hair, “But daddy missed mommy very much.”

“It’s ok,” She forgives with her signature sweet smile, “I missed her, too.” She leans forward and lets her head rest on your chest, hugging you with a strength she should possess.

“Aw, I missed my two little suns so much,” You hug her back just as tightly and props a kiss on Bucky’s cheek.  

Bucky hums and keeps running his hand through Summer hair as talks again, “Not that I’m not happy with the surprise, but weren’t you supposed to be back tomorrow? How was the mission? Is everything ok?”

“Yes… I think it is,” You gulp, swallowing down the words that are desperate to come out but you still have no idea how to say them.

He frowns at you, not pleased with the answer, but visibly doesn’t want to start an inquiry in front of Summer.

“Did you fight a lot of bad guys, mommy?” She asks, not moving away from the spot where she’s nuzzled into you.

“I did, my sun.” You run your hand back and forth over her back, “Me, Auntie Wanda and Uncle Sam.” You tell her after placing a kiss on top of her head. She always loves to hear about your missions.

Her powers have been slowing showing signs, being mostly expressed on an uncommon intelligence that allowed her to learn how to read at 3 and build her first artificial intelligence (a little pug she named Maggie) at 4 with the help of her Uncle Tony, who’s always more than happy to allow her wander around his labs. Her physical strength is still shy inside her, but you know it will soon flourish. You know she’ll be a great fighter someday. Hell, she already is.

“I can’t wait to grow up and be a badass,” You and Bucky exchange looks due her choice of words but she goes on, unfazed by it, “Just like you and Auntie Wanda, and Auntie Nat, Auntie Carol, Auntie Pepper, Auntie Shuri and-”

“Hey, daddy’s pretty badass, too.” Bucky puts on an exaggerated pout, placing a hand on his waist.  

“Of course you are, daddy.” She leans away from you and turn to him to pat his beard, “Your cupcakes are super badass.” She says, before continuing her chanting of the names of her super aunties.

You look at him and laugh at the smug satisfaction on his face by her answer before not being able to resist in placing a kiss on his cheek one more time.

The mission to rescue Summer five years ago was also Bucky’s last mission. It was no secret, that life was never what he really wanted and after discussing it in therapy and a lot of talking with you and Steve he decided it was time for him to dedicate himself to the mission of his life: taking care of his daughter, you and, most importantly, himself.

Whenever people ask, he says with a notable amount of pride in his words, that he’s a stay at home dad. By the way, he’s become very popular among other parents (mostly moms) that were regulars at the parks he usually takes Summer to. He doesn’t know, but there’s a group chat of moms where he and his qualities as a dad – physical included- are the main subject. How do you know that? After Summer’s kidnapping, you’ve become very keen to find out exactly who interacts with her, and being an Avenger is very useful to provide you the right tools for it. Yeah, you tell yourself that’s the only reason why you spy on those moms… but they’re harmless. You’re very fond of a particular thread where they mentioned how much he gushes about you.

“Mommy,” Summer gasps, “It’s Saturday, you’re going to uncle Harry and Auntie Nat’s house with us, too.”

“Yes, of course, baby. I can’t wait.”

Nat and Harry’s famous Saturdays Movie and Dinner nights. They’re your neighbors now. After the wedding, the five of them - Harry, Nat, the two kids and Harry’s mom- moved to a new apartment on the Tower for safety reasons. Tony has made the place impenetrable after what happened to Summer and nothing like that ever happened again.

You’re thrilled to have all your friends – your family - so close to you. Summer worships Jon and Luna, who’ve been growing up so fast, turning 11 real soon with a Harry Potter themed party, which you’ve been helping Nat to plan for her kids. Yeah, her kids. She’s not just Auntie Nat for Luna and Jon, anymore. It happened at Summer’s 3rd birthday party by one of the Tower’s pool, a year before Harry’s marriage proposal. Luna was running after a tiny stray kitty when she tripped on her toes and fell right to the ground. Her crying was loud as she held her injured knee close to her chest. Harry and Nat were at your table and they both promptly got up.

You could see how strongly Nat had to hold herself back to let Harry run to the little girl’s rescue, who already had her twin brother by her side, trying to console her but to no avail. She had already confided in you how much he loved those kids, but didn’t really know how far she could go with them without imposing. But what made the jaws from everyone around drop was when Harry kneeled beside the kid only to make her cry even harder and scream pointing at Nat, “No, I want my mommy.”

“Come here, mommy, please,” little Jon pleaded holding his twin hand and looking at Nat’s direction.  

All eyes snapped at Nat and it was just a split second that she looked taken aback before rushing to attend the little girl, succeeding to calm down her daughter almost instantly with the help of her son.

While Harry kept a goofy smile on his face the whole day, Nat spent an hour crying in your bathroom. They ended up adopting the kitty which caused Luna’s trip and naming him Rocket.  

“I’m so happy you’re here, mommy,” Summer throws herself into your embrace again.

“Me too, babe,” Bucky nuzzles into the crook of your neck, managing to embrace you and Summer with his metal arm.

Your eyelids flutter shut and you sigh, relishing in the pile of pure affection you’re under, breathing in the love they have for you.  

The sweet quietness doesn’t last long as the child in your arms straightens up briskly, making Bucky’s arm drop from her back as she stares at him with widened blue eyes matching his, “Daddy what about our surprise?” 

Bucky stiffens beside you as you turn to him, “Ooo, really?” You inflate the astonishment in your tone, licking your lips in anticipation. Surprise with Bucky and Summer when you come back from missions always means some delicious food he prepares to welcome you back.    

You frown at how Bucky aims a flustered glare at Summer. Oh, this is new... Your narrowed gaze turns to your child to see her little hands flying to cover her mouth. You have to hold yourself back to not laugh at her theatre. You know her so damn well, you’re certain she didn’t let the said surprise slip out by accident and it intrigues you more.

“What are you two up to?” You tilt your head at Bucky.

Still looking at Summer, his expression softens and his smile is indulgent at her, before shifting his gaze back to you, “Well, I guess there’s no better time than now,” He turns back to her, whispering “I have an idea, come with me.”

Without further notice they both get up briskly, Bucky takes Summer’s hand and ran to the kitchen, leaving you open mouthed behind as you hear soft laughs and whispers between them.

Well, that’s just fitting. No matter what they might’ve planned for you, it’s rather unlikely it will beat the surprise you also have for them. You have absolutely no idea of how you’re going to tell them that, only that you must tell them soon or you will burst into anxious little pieces right there.

It’s only a few more minutes when, at the living room entrance, their sight catches your attention. You smirk while side by side they walk to you. Summer with a huge grin on her face, while a nervous little smile curls Bucky’s lips. You only notice Summer has one arm behind her back when they both kneel on the carpet in front of you.

You’re up till now amused face by their antics falls and your frantically beating heart rushes up your throat. Your suspicions are confirmed when Summer brings her arm in front of you and reveals the blue velvet box you thought was securely guarded in your bedroom’s safe. You hadn’t another sight of it ever since you moved apartments. She opens the box and there it is. The diamond Bucky bought you years ago.  

“Mommy,” Summer’s sweet voice makes you lift your astonished gaze to her, “Will you marry us?”  

A sob slips out of your mouth and you turn to Bucky to see the tears already shining on his expectant eyes, gleaming with warmth but also with a little bit of uneasiness, you can tell.

He pours all his love into his gaze to quietly mouth for only you to see, “Will you marry me, my love?”

“Yes.” You don’t need a second to think as you sob out your answer, “Yes, of course, I will marry you,” You repeat more steadily despite the tears and you drop to your knees in front of them to grab both of your loves into your arms. While Summer squeals her joy, you feel Bucky breathing deeply, holding you back as strong as ever.

“Thank God,” he whispers, “I love you, I love you,” he repeats in your ear, before trailing a path of kisses to your mouth.

You two turn into a couple of 6 year olds just like your daughter, giggling and laughing as he pushes away only to gently take the ring Summer was guarding in her hand and finally, finally put it in your finger, where it always belonged. You’re the one to grab his face by the neck and kiss him again, hoping he can feel all your love. You know he does as he kisses you back just as fiercely.

The shy giggles makes you break the kiss with a laugh of your own as you turn to your daughter and sit down on the floor, holding her on your lap as Bucky takes his place beside you, resting his back on the couch.

“I was so nervous you would say no, mommy.” She lets out an exaggerated sigh.

Your head falls back as you and Bucky laugh, “How could I, honey when I love you two so much, of course I would say yes… as a matter of fact-” You breathe in some intake of courage, looking from Summer to Bucky, before taking their both hands and placing them on your belly, “Not only I, but we will marry you.”  

They both catch your meaning instantly as their eyebrows shoot high on their foreheads, the resemblance between them, expressed on their eyes and many mannerisms turning especially evident then.

“What?” Bucky whispers, still pretty much astonished and without taking his hand from your belly.

“I’m going to be a big sister?” Summer brings both her hands to her mouth, keeping her eyes widened at you.

“Yes, my love. I hope it makes you happy.” You try to smile to hide how nervous you are by telling the news to them. You’ve talked about the possibility of a new kid before and Summer even asked for a little brother or sister, but it was all speculation and  this definitely unexpected. Something wrong might’ve happened to your birth-control pills and-

“Happy?” She squeaks the word in a high-pitched sound, “I’m super mega ultra happy.” She gets up from her spot and starts jumping on the carpet with her little arms up, properly celebrating the news, like only a carefree child would.

You laugh and feel a little bit of relief calming down your chest at her reaction, but the fact Bucky’s still silent and just staring at you with a dropped jaw doesn’t allow your heart to be fully rested.

Summer stops jumping to look at you with a vibrant sparkle on her face, “Oh, I have so many toys I wanna share with them.” She says before turning around and rushing to the direction of her room.

You can't help but laugh at her good-hearted energy, “Hey, sweetie, no, we can see that later-”

“I’m coming right back, mom.” She yells, already in her room.

You chuckle a bit more before you chew on your lower lip, looking back at Bucky, “Hey, big news, huh?” You tentatively say, “At least she took it ok-”

His lips are on yours before you can finish whatever you were going to say. With every caress, every brush of his tongue against yours, you feel each little muscle of your body relax and you sigh through the kiss when his hand fondles with your belly and his other one goes to the back of your neck, pulling you even closer.

“Is that true?” He whispers, letting his forehead rest against yours when he breaks the kiss.

“Yes,” You nod, wrapping your arms around him, “I got really sick several days on the mission and then I decided to buy a pharmacy test and voilà, here we are.”

You see his chest moving up and down as he takes in a breath, “I made such a shitshow back when you tried to tell me about Summer-”

“Bucky-” You try, not really wanting to remember those times right at that moment…

“I was such an asshole and I stole us the chance of living the news together,” he continues, stroking your belly and keeping his head linked to yours, “Now I have this second chance,” He lets out a breathy smile and your heart softens, “You make me so damn happy, I love you so much.”

“You make me happy, too,” You assure him, “You and our little family.” You pull him to one more kiss.

“Another kid?” He smiles, as the kiss is over, looking down at where his hand rests on your belly, “Will you want to find out the sex before birth?” He wonders.

“As a matter of fact,” you cringe, “I already know.”

“What?” He frowns “How?”

“Yeah, I mean… you know Wanda was there at the mission, too, right?” He nods and you continue, “And you know how much her powers have been enhancing? Well, she has a strong feeling and-”

“No.” He shakes his head, and his hand leaves your belly so he can put a finger on your lips, which you place a small kiss on, “I think I don’t wanna know this time.” He admits, shrugging.

You smirk, nodding to accept his position. But to be honest, you can’t wait to see his reaction when he finds out that soon he’ll have one more girl to call his.

“Hey,” You say, raising your finger with the diamond on, “What about this?” You raise an eyebrow.

“Oh,” It slips out of his lips as a blush creeps up his cheeks and he brushes the back of his neck, “I know I should’ve asked that sooner, but the life we have so far all always felt so good, I didn’t even think-”

“No, silly,” you chuckle, putting a small kiss on his lips for reassurance, “I know that, we already have been happy enough, it’s just- this ring, I had in a safe locked with a code, did you…” You tilt your head.

“Oh, no,” His head falls back as he puts his hand on his stomach to let out a laugh, before nodding towards Summer’s room.

Your jaw goes slack, “Really?” You frown.

“I found the missy playing with it the other day.” He says more proudly than he should.

“Are you telling me the 6-year-old kid not only found the safe, but also broke in the code to open it?” You scoff when he nods, still overly smug about it, but after the shock passes you can’t help but feel a little bit of pride, too. Right then you know that, if that’s what she’ll really want, she will be an exceptional Avenger someday.

“When I saw the ring after so long, I knew it was time. She agreed.” He brings a hand to cup your cheek, moving his finger to caress your face as his loving eyes meet yours, “We were planning a special dinner for tomorrow, but I think she just couldn’t help herself.” The crinkles beside his eyes are adorable as he lets out a soft laugh, “It’s always been yours, anyway.”

Unable to part your gaze from his, you sigh as your heart thunders against your chest. You’re about to kiss him again when the sweet voice you love so much holds you back.

“Mommy, mommy,” Summer pants and runs back into the living room, holding as many toys and stuffed animals as she barely can, even letting some fall on her way, “I think the baby will like these,” she points out, dropping the toys in front of you.

“Of course they will, baby. Especially if you play with them together,” You agree, fuzzing with her hair.

She raises her chin and gives a toothy grin before addressing to Bucky, “Daddy, I think we should celebrate with your cupcakes, what do you think?” It’s nothing but adorable when her little eyebrows wiggle with the suggestions at her dad.

“Hmmm, I think you’re absolutely right, my little Sun.”

“Yaaay,” She exclaims, raising her arms and bouncing on her little legs, “Which one do you want, mommy? I’ll go get it for us, we have all kinds: vanilla, chocolate, vanilla with chocolate chips, strawberry.” She counts the flavors with her fingers.

“Alright, I love daddy’s cupcakes, I’ll have one of the strawberry ones, please.” You wink at her.

“Ok, one strawberry coming your way right now.” She says before turning on her heels and bolting to the kitchen.

“Hey, what about me?” Bucky yells, but receives no answer.

You laugh loudly at the pout that forms on his lips before leaning in to place a kiss on his cheek, “It’s just because I’ve been away, honey. You know you’re still the love of her life.” Your heart melts when his lips curl into a smile, still looking ahead to the kitchen, “And you’re mine, too.” You whisper, running your fingers through his hair.

He tilts his face to you, fully smiling, before his eyes darkens and he leans in to run his lips up your neck, “Later.” His tongue teases the delicate skin of your neck, making you shrug your shoulders and giggle, “When we’re alone in our bedroom,” He drags his lips over your jaw and the giggle catches in our throat, “I can’t wait to show you how much you’re the love of my life, too. One time,” he kisses your jawline, “Two times?” the other side, “Maybe three…” his lips lock onto yours - breathless at the promise.   

His tongue darts to curl around yours and the kiss deepens as you pull him to you.

“Ugh, are you two being gross again?”

You pull apart, laughing as Bucky whispers something like “so much like her uncle Steve”, under his breath.

“Says the girl with chocolate all over her face.” He scowls lightheartedly, when she’s closer to you and the remains of chocolate on her jaw is the evidence she had one sneaky cupcake in the kitchen, “Oh, I see someone remembered her poor old daddy exists,” he adds, spotting the third cupcake – chocolate chip, his favorite – on the little trail in her hands.

She giggles, placing the trail next to you and Bucky and squeaking in surprise as Bucky catches her in his arms and screams “Tickles attack,” making the little kid toss and squirm, before she manages to escape from him and latch herself into your lap for shelter, only for you to attack her with kisses this time, being followed shortly by Bucky.

Is not always that easy.

Is not always that perfect.

You two still struggle, you two still fight, sometimes over the stupidest things and other times over not so stupid ones. But it’s love…and, like you and Bucky have said before, love isn’t perfect.

You’re just not afraid of it anymore.

~~~

The End. 

A/N 2: I’m having a hard time to detach myself from this story and I’ve seen a lot of people who writes drabbles/one-shots per requests or not for their story after the ending. I’m considering doing it next year if that’s something you guys would be interested, too.

Also, if you really liked this story, please, don’t hold back on sending me a message!

[silentprincess17]

Sometimes Things Have to Get Worse Before They Get Better

This is essentially a darker, heavier alternate take on Memory #7 - Blades of the Yiga. I wanted to write a fic with a competent Yiga Clan. (Yes you read that right). It is very angsty in the beginning and then becomes fluffy (hence the title!)

Summary: Link and Zelda have returned from Vah Naboris with Urbosa and have spent the night in Kara Kara Bazaar Inn. Link wakes up and finds her missing.

Cue the angst.

This story is complete and I will post each chapter daily on here but you can read the whole thing on AO3

Rating: Mature (Graphic descriptions of violence) Pairing: Link/Zelda (Zelink) Characters: Link, Zelda, The Yiga Clan, Master Kohga

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Chapter 7: Dawn of the Second Day

TW: Huge wounds, massive haemorrhage (a lot of blood loss yes I am a medic geek) and pain. Also Nintendo owns Legend of Zelda and some of the dialogue used. Please don't sue me.

This time, they teleported in, grabbed him, and teleported out.

Zelda screamed his name, but it got lost in the vortex of red paper slips, as he felt his insides split apart and then reform.

He was glad though. Incredibly glad that they’d taken him and not his Princess. He ended up on the floor, in the big arena that wasn’t an arena and he coughed, trying to get the sand out of his mouth, and eyes.

He heard Zelda shouting for him, and it suddenly hit him-this was it. The perfect opportunity. He could try and get her out. He was outside Hylia above!

And just as he thought that, four giant metal clamps locked onto his limbs. And that same cursed red glowing thing was applied so he couldn’t move. He swore at them but stopped struggling. He would have to bide his time, he already felt a little weak from not eating for three days, so every store of energy was precious right now. He had to wait for the perfect opportunity and then unleash it all.

He took a moment to try and calm down. Think things through. He was outside the cell, that was better than being inside. He just had to be observant and careful. He started by trying to determine what their motive was, but he wasn’t sure what was happening. Why had they decided to take him out, if they were only going to restrain him down again?

He looked up, at least they hadn’t clamped his neck. And then a… well. There was no polite way to think of him, if Link was being honest. And frankly, being polite was really quite low down in his list of concerns at the minute.

The Yiga Clan were... normally, at least, easily categorisable. All the Yiga Foot soldiers were thin, agile, capable of moving at lightning speed with their teleportation. The Blademasters were by comparison much larger, and they wielded the more powerful windcleaver. And now he knew of the researchers, but they looked a lot like the Foot soldiers, just with a red lab coat on.

This man… although dressed as a Yiga, didn’t match one of the above categories. He was, well, fat. He had a huge abdomen, which Link didn’t really see working in a fight, either with a sickle or a windcleaver and he was confused really. It was the most bizarre thing he’d seen since arriving.

Link wondered if the lack of food was getting to him.

“Yeah, IT'S YOU! You're that Link guy I've been looking for! And the Princess of course but she’s BORING."

Uh… what? This guy had been… looking… for him? Not to sound egoistical, but wasn’t it really obvious who he was? He literally wore bright blue and had the Master Sword strapped to his back. Admittedly, he didn’t have those two things right now but…

"I need to bust out my serious moves... A secret technique taught by my mother's father! It will...destroy you!"

Uh yeah. It probably would do that because Link was currently strapped to the floor with no weapons. So, whatever this guy chose to do, it would, in all likelihood, work by default.

“Release him from the magnesis bonds! NO WAIT! I need to finish my speech first!”

This man was starting to get on Link’s nerves, like a bratty child who wanted a sweet. But he just said to release his bonds. Yes, if that happened, he would destroy them all, steal all their weapons, physically break down those bars, rescue his Princess and then hightail it out of the desert. So, he would remain calm. Collected. And not think of what happened yesterday.

“Now. Hero of Hyrule. I will DUEL you. So someone told someone who told someone yada yada yada that I should give you a fair chance, and something testing something Princess, I'm not sure, I fell asleep half-way through, so here we are. Of course, you’re a KNIGHT so I assume you know what a DUEL is!"

Link remained silent. He figured it probably wouldn't work in his favour if he started to laugh.

"You know, your silence really is unnerving. ANYWAY, I will fight with my chosen weapons, and you will be provided with a Duplex Bow, ten arrows, a Vicious Sickle and a Windcleaver. A very generous selection, in my opinion. If you defeat me, I will allow you to walk away.” Link’s eyes widened. “YES, WALK AWAYYY!” He laughed, “I won’t kill you to DEATH! Even-if-that's-what-I-really-want-can-you-imagine-being-named-Top-Banana-Of-The-Yiga-Clan-comma-Slayer-Of-The-Hero!”

Okay yeah, there was clearly something wrong with this guy, but Link focussed on the important parts. A Duel. Of which the outcome would be freedom. But. He hadn’t mentioned Zelda. No matter, Link would be a fool not to accept. He’d defeat this fat lug and then Kill. Them. All.

And those Blademasters that had stood on that cursed table? He’d make sure to find his sword and would ensure they suffered a slow, prolonged death. But first, he’d win, take Zelda to the Castle where she’d be safe, and then he’d come back. And exterminate them like the rats they were.

He nodded.

They dropped the connection, freeing him, and he didn’t try anything. Not yet anyway. Once they gave him weapons though, Link would forgo whatever pact he’d made with this man. This didn’t count as an honourable situation anyway, this wasn’t a duel between Knights, it was a duel between captor and captee.

What he hadn’t been expecting, was the fat man to throw a small capsule in the middle of the hole, and the capsule didn’t fall, no, it hovered in place. And the outlines of a dome formed, it extended from the centre of the seemingly bottom-less hole and spread out to include a small ring of sand around said hole. All of a sudden, sound seemed to stop coming through, and he could barely hear Zelda, although maybe she’d come to realise it was futile and had gone quiet.

The capsule made a clicking noise, like an activation of something, and then a burst of red light cascaded from it, down the dome, forming a crimson-lined grid along the surface, almost like red electricity was crawling along the lines. They connected to metal ridges that Link hadn’t even noticed in the sand. He swallowed. He knew, instinctively, that he wouldn’t be able to escape. He wouldn’t be able to get out. Because it was the same thing that had trapped him in those cuffs.

It would have to be honourable. By default.

Still, Link wasn’t feeling that scared. If the fat man wanted a duel, Link would give it to him.

“In the name of Calamity Ganon!” He pranced around, shimmying from one foot to the other. "That's what you say when you start a DUEL right?!"

Link decided to ignore him, and simply looked over to where he thought the Princess was, the red light made it hard to see. “In the name of Princess Zelda Bosphoramus Hyrule, my charge, my liege… my Princess.” And his heart whispered one more thing, my soulmate.

It had started out well enough, the man simply summoned rocks at him, not unlike an octorok, but these ones were considerably larger, with a glowing upside down Sheikah eye on them. Still, he dispatched the obnoxious man in quick time, shooting a well-timed arrow into his head, and then jumping in bullet-time to attack with the sickle.

And then the fat man got angry, stamping his foot into the ground like a child having a tantrum. He moved to hover on top of the hole, and this time he had a blue barrier. Link had wasted one arrow hitting it, only for it to bounce right off. Useless. And there was no way for Link to jump in, seeing as he was without his paraglider and he'd fall down anyway, not sideways to the centre of the abyss where the man was.

So, he bid his time, going as far back as possible and decided to just observe the attack. He remained calm, although for some reason he was a little more flustered than he ordinarily was. Perhaps because the Princess’s safety relied on this fight. Yes, that wasn’t an unusual occurrence, but normally, she’d be hidden, well-protected, should anything go wrong with him. This time… If he failed, then who knew what the consequences would be.

He refocussed, the next move simply involved two rocks hovering horizontally and then vertically to the man, where his barrier faulted for a split second, just before he chucked them at Link. It was easy enough to dodge, and now Link knew what to do. He simply hit the man when the barrier was down, and the Yiga lost control of the rocks, so they hit him instead. After another couple of rounds, where Link looked worryingly at his meagre five remaining arrows, another tantrum fest occurred, this time jumping up and down with one foot whilst floating. Link rubbed his eyes in case he was hallucinating. No, he wasn’t.

And that is where everything went wrong.

The man was now using that accursed red thing to move a giant metal ball at him. The ball had spikes. Huge ones at that. And despite Link keeping his eyes trained on the man, his barrier did not fall. Not once.

Crap.

How?! How could the Yiga mentally control metal?! How was he supposed to defeat him now?

The spiked sphere continued to crawl after him, a slow and steady reminder of what was coming. Link was trying hard not to panic. What else could he do? He didn’t have any of his other weapons. He didn’t have shock arrows. He didn’t have his bomb bag. Maybe he could parry the sphere? But he didn’t have a shield either. He cried, almost, thinking back to his prized Hylian shield sitting in the Inn at Kara Kara Bazaar.

What else what else what else

He knew one thing for certain though. He wouldn’t be able to keep up running forever. Not as weak as he currently was from all the stresses over the past two days and the lack of food. Yes, the sphere moved slowly. But it moved. And eventually he would tire.

The man took back the sphere and Link aimed, hoping his barrier would come down for one second, but no. All he did was pause before sending the sphere. Straight. Back. At. Him.

Goddesses above he wouldn’t last.

Was this his true Hero trial?

Was this how he would die?

He decided to try to use the windcleaver to generate some gush of air that would what? Move the giant ball? He was crazy enough to at least attempt because what else could he do? None of his weapons would even reach the man, even if he chucked them, let alone penetrate the seemingly solid blue barrier.

He ran to the edge of the dome, hoping to be a little out of the ball's range to give him some breathing room should this go wrong, but he had no such luck, because it came, hard and fast for him. He waited until it came close then swung the blade down and tried to repel it.

It obviously failed; no colossal, incredibly heavy, metallic sphere was going to shift with the mere power of air.

Belatedly, he realised that the fat man could afford to be fat. Who was going to hurt him if he could levitate himself out into a pit of no end so there was no hope of reaching him, put up a barrier that you had no hope of penetrating, trap you in a hemisphere so you were effectively at his mercy and was armed with a deadly weapon only he could control?

Link only had just about enough time to turn, for his fingers to hit the dome, before the spikes rammed into his back and Link heard himself scream.

He was used to pain, he thought distantly. He’d hurt himself so many times, from climbing accidents, to training mishaps, to when he’d first started fighting monsters, especially those Goddess damned Lynel swords, oh, wait, no, the crushers were worse.

But he’d never had enormous sharp cones ram into his back, upper thigh and calves, all at once. He was effectively pinned against the dome. And then the ball was pulled out, and shoved right back in.

And again.

And again.

And then for flavour, the fat man shifted it just to the right, so now his wounds grew and grew, until he was slowly ripped apart, until the only thing actually holding him upright was the metal sphere.

Link lost track of everything. He’d never felt so humiliated, so weak.

He’d never lost a fight.

What would happen now? What would happen to him and Zelda?

He felt wet, lethargic and so, so heavy. Which struck him as odd, especially considering he’d probably lost a lot of blood. Shouldn’t he be light?

Little spots of blackness coated his vision, somehow he blinked and he was on the floor, on his knees, the dome gone, his hands shaking trying to hold himself up. His blood rushed through his ears, thundering too loudly, and everything else was muted, muffled, and he could no longer focus properly.

"-oga! Did you se- I did i-"

Link must have blacked out again, because the next thing he knew he was being hauled by his armpits back into the cell, and his injuries were stretched even more, and Link screeched in pain. He was so far gone it was silent, and he lost consciousness yet again, because he practically fell on top of Zelda, landing on his front, in her arms. She was shaking, maybe? Or was it him? Probably him, but he couldn’t tell, and he heard her furiously mutter under her breath about hypo-something shock, but really, he was barely holding onto the few remaining threads of consciousness he had.

“Link?” She sounded frightened, but he couldn’t bring himself to respond. Instead, when he opened his mouth, he coughed up an alarming amount of blood. He felt some of it dribble down his chin and he heard her half scream in response.

“LINK! No! In - name of Hylia st- with me! Link!” She gently held his head in her hands, his head rolling in her hold because he'd now lost what little control he had over his muscles. He focussed on the softness of her touch, and how it contrasted so deeply to the agony that he was in, although everything was dulled around the edges right now, probably from the blood loss. He stared at the growing pool of bright crimson around them, it seemed to be coming from everywhere. Like he was a dam that had suffered too many hits and now all the water was leaking through. That wasn’t that far from the truth to be fair.

“Zel-” He tried to say something, to reassure her that he would fight to stay awake. But it ended in another, harsher, coughing fit, and it felt like Daruk had grasped his chest in his hands and squeezed. Dear Goddesses, he felt his vision start to fade again, it was already half faded, in all honesty. And it scared him, because this wasn't the same blackness he'd had after being knocked cold from a fight. This was darker, more permeating. It felt... more permanent.

She cried, and it pained him to see her tears for him, but the blackness forced its way upon him, and he slowly closed his eyes, trying his hardest not to give in, but even from the start he knew it was a losing battle. Vaguely he wondered if the sword would remember him. He wondered what would happen to his family, to Hyrule, to her, if there was no Hero for the Calamity. He wondered, if he'd had more time, more courage, if he and Zelda could have-

She cradled his head in her arms, gently brushing his matted hair away from his forehead, and he allowed himself a final deep breath, for her lavender to imprint in his mind one last time.

Link was not... scared of death. He knew it was inevitable, and there was a significant probability of him dying, either in the line of duty to the Crown, or against the Calamity, his destiny-chosen battle. But... he was scared now. He was scared of what the consequences of him dying meant. Her verdant eyes stared at him, and she was saying something but he could no longer hear. She was his biggest regret, he couldn't stomach leaving her, here and now, because who knew what horrors would await her once he left. So much guilt, so much shame, so much despair hit him, in the final moment but there was nothing left to he done. He tried to convey that to her, through his gaze, that he was sorry, for not being enough, for not doing enough, for failing to get her out of here- the list continued, but he was rapidly losing what little control he had left, and he felt his eyes glaze over. He’d seen enough death to know where he stood. Because everything ached, he felt increasingly weaker, and his breathing grew progressively more ragged, as stabs of pain shot up his ribs for every centimetre he inhaled in.

He gasped for air, one final time, trying to commit her to his memory, and that seemed to be the very last assault his body could handle. Because within seconds he lost all sense of the world, his final thought was of his silent princess, and of a lullaby, that would forever haunt him till the end of time.

[samcrobae]

Nanny, Part 3

Gif Credit: @angels-reyes

Another long one babies, but stay with me! The good stuff is comin! 😈 if I missed you in my tags please message me and let ya girl know. ❤️

——————————————-

After you all came back from the beach Letty stopped you in the kitchen. “Hey Y/N, what are you doing today?”

You were currently making a snack for Natalie who was patiently playing on the floor literally at your side. “I guess just hang out here, I mean whatever everyone else wants to do is fine with me.”

“Lame, hey wanna go shopping? There’s a mall not that from here I already googled it.” She picked up her phone and shows you the screen.

“Okay sure, let me just let Angel know I’m taking Natalie. One sec.” you walk over to the living room where Angel was sat and place an arm on his shoulder and he instinctively brings his hand up to rest on yours. “Hey Letty and I were going to head to the mall, do some shopping so I’m taking Natalie with.”

He lays his head back on the couch and looks up at you, “Nah leave her with me. You’re not on the clock querida, have fun.”

You and Letty grab your things and head out. EZ was in the living room with Angel coloring with Natalie and she was force feeding him some of her snacks. Just then EZ’s phone went off and it was a text from Letty.

“Ok go! Our plan starts now.”

“So what’s going on with you and Y/N?”

Angel looked confused, “what do you mean? I don’t know man you’re the one who told me to bring her here.”

EZ rolled his eyes, “yeah but I mean, are you gonna ask her out? Apparently she’s been talking about it with Letty non stop. She’s been all like when is angel finally gonna ask me out? Angels so cute blah blah and we all know you have a thing for her. We saw you in the water today.”

Angel cocked an eyebrow in his brothers direction. “Yo can you stop eating my kids food? You guys didn’t see shit today in the water. We were all in the water messing around..... she said that? She really wants me to ask her out? Like on a date or some shit?”

EZ nodded his head “yeah I mean not some shit but a date. You know she’s lowkey she won’t say anything about it especially not to you. I say go for it. She’s a good girl Angel.”

“Man shut up..” angel leaned back against the couch and thought for a while before finally speaking up again “hey you think you could keep an eye on Natalie tonight?”

“Yeah of course” just then EZ pulled his phone out and sent a text to Letty.

“Alright he’s in. I’m pretty sure he’s going to ask her out tonight. Also we have to baby sit Natalie. It’s all you now. Don’t mess it up.”

Smiling at her phone Letty looked up at the outfit you had on. “Daaaaaamn girl! Yes! You need to get that. Like now. Wait til Angel sees you in this, he’s going to lose his shit!”

You snapped your head back so fast “wait Angel? Why would Angel care?”

“Oh come on, the man is basically swooning over you. It’s kinda nauseating. We all see how he looks at you and all he talks about with Coco is how he so badly wishes you’d give him a chance, how he wants to ask you out but you’d never want to go out with a guy like him.”

You furrowed your brows and smoothed your outfit over your curves while looking in the mirror. “He really said that? That’s not true. Angel’s amazing. He’s so kind, gentle, smart, he’s such a good dad and he’s so funny.” Your mind trailed off to all of the other things you wanted to say .. how he was so sexy, how he gave you butterflies just at the mention of your name, how delicious his lips looked, how intoxicating his scent was. How all you wanted to do was grip his biceps while you grind your hips into him..

“Helllooooo.... are you even listening to me?” Letty snaps her fingers in your face.

“Sorry what?”

“You need the outfit. Get it!”

————————————————-

“Damn what you guys do buy the whole mall?” Coco notices the many bags in your hands as you head inside.

“A little retail therapy never hurt no one coco” you said as you winked at him. Heading into your room to put your things down, you heard a knock at the door and was surprised to see Angel on the other end.

“Oh hey, what’s up? Everything okay?” You studied Angels face and suddenly your heart began to ache at the thought of Angel thinking he wasn’t enough.

“Yeah, you wanna get something to eat? I never really thanked you for coming over in the middle of the night the other day.”

“Oh, Angel you don’t have to-”

“Nah come on, I already asked EZ to watch Natalie for a bit, I saw this Italian place on the way here. Be ready by 7.” He walked away quickly leaving you no room to protest.

7 came quick. You did a once over in the mirror and tussled your hair before feeling satisfied and walked out into the living room. Coco and Angel were in conversation when Coco looked in your direction, eyes wide, slapping Angel on the chest. Angel glanced up and did a double take before swallowing hard. “Fuck meeeee” he whispered. The outfit you bought earlier today was turning heads in every direction.

“Ready?” You ask Angel who looks absolutely flustered.

“Yeah yeah, let’s go.” As you turn to walk away Cocos eyes travel to your ass. Angel notices and delivers a quick jab to his stomach “stop asshole.”

———————————————

Dinner was amazing, the place was a little upscale so you were glad you were dressed appropriately. You couldn’t help but notice the prices next to everything and kicked yourself for letting him take You here and not somewhere more laid back.

“So..... ice cream?” Angel asked as you both got up to leave the restaurant. You smiled that warm smile, the one that made him feel like putty in your hands “ugh yes! Ice cream!”

You found an ice cream spot along the beach front and decided to go with a banana split to share.

Angel looked at you for a few seconds before finally breaking the silence, “So, what about you?”

You look over at him “me? What about me?”

“You want kids one day?”

“Oh, yeah. I want a bunch of em,” you chuckle before continuing on, “like 3, maybe 4. I grew up with a small family. Parents were shit and I have a sister but uhhhh.. we were never really close. So I want my kids to have the best parents and have each other when I’m gone. Make those memories you know? What about you? Do you want to have anymore some day?”

Angel took a bite of the banana split before passing you the bowl. “I don’t know. I never really thought about it. My life is fucked up and crazy as it is.. and it’s just me and Natalie. If I ever find someone crazy and fucked up as me, then maybe.”

You looked down at the sand and asked the question you had been wanting to ask for 4 long months, “so, your ex, Natalie’s mom, what happened?”

“Shit I don’t know. We were engaged, then pregnant, then we had Natalie and it all just fell apart. I started working a lot and she spent a lot of time with pop and the baby, and one day she just left and never came back. Left me. Left our kid. I haven’t heard from her since. Man and I didn’t know what I was doing it was all fucked up. I still can’t even take care of my kid without someone’s help. Sad huh?”

You put the now empty bowl of ice cream on the sand and placed your hand over Angels. “Nope. Not at all. For what it’s with Angel, I think you’re an incredible dad who loves his baby. And I think you were dealt a shitty hand and you’re doing the best you can. And that’s all Natalie will care about.”

Angel took your hand in his, “thank you for everything you do Y/N. Natalie loves you. And I’m glad she has you around. I’m so relieved that you told Letty you been wanting me to ask you out. Shit it’s like a weight was lifted!”

You let out a laugh before realizing what he said “wait, she said that I’ve been wanting you to ask me out? I never told her that... as a matter of fact she said you wanted to ask me out.."

“What? I didn’t say that yeah me and EZ were talking when you went to the mall and —-"

“Those assholes... they set us up.” You let out another laugh and Angel laughs with you. “I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact that we let them set us up or the fact that I’ve never heard you swear until tonight."

You threw your head back in laughter “oh I swear all the time!”

“Well, I guess we should be getting back. I don’t know how much longer I trust Natalie in a house full of those pushovers. She’ll be running it when we get there.” He stood up and lent you his hand to help you up. You began walking back but he still had a hold on your hand.

“Are you coming?” You ask as you turn to face him.

“Yeah, it’s just... you look... incredible mi dulce.. I mean not just today, all the time , but right now? God damn. I just needed you to know how amazing you look. And I’m trying to be respectful and shit but it’s getting hard the more I look at you.”

He walks closer to you and you can feel your heart beat pick up and your cheeks flush. His hands find their way to your hips and you look up at him, there’s a gleam in his eyes that you’ve never seen before, hungry, dark, filled with lust.

His face is so close to yours you can feel his breath on your lips, and you instinctively lick your own. “And all I wanna do right now is kiss you because I been wanting to do that for a while now and it’s driving me fuckin crazy.

“Angel..” your voice barely a whisper and he gently kisses you. You felt like your body was going to explode at just his kiss. Like in the movies where time stops and it’s just the two of you. How cliche were you?

Your hands resting on his forearms as he pulls you flush against him and traces your lips with his tongue. You let him in and the kiss becomes more desperate, but still gentle, and you don’t know how long you were standing there before he broke it to look at you again, resting his forehead against yours.

“Let’s get back.”

You felt dizzy and flustered and turned on and your butterflies in your stomach were on overdrive. You’ve never seen this side of Angel before and it was the best thing you have experienced. He held your hand the whole drive home and when you got back he stopped you at the front door.

“Oh my god they’re back!! EZ they’re here!” Letty whispered. They watched the two of you from the front windows like little kids on Christmas morning.

“I need more.” He pulled you in by his waist again and you let out a small laugh before meeting his lips again. He moved his kisses down your cheek, your jaw, chin, and neck and then guided you to the wall at the front porch. You were backed against the wall and his lips found yours again.

EZ covered Lettys eyes and she scoffed before slapping his hand down. “Holy shit! They’re into each other i fuckin knew it!” She said.

“Shit move they’re coming back in.” EZ dropped down on the couch pretended to be interested in whatever show was on tv.

“So, you guys have fun?” He asked as you and Angel made your way inside.

You greeted him with a smirk, “yeah it was nothin special.” And winked in Angels direction. “I’m going to bed, goodnight guys.” And you headed into your room.

You closed the door and leaned against it when you were in your room. You let out a long sigh and closed your eyes with a smile on your face. What the fuck was happening? Did that really just happen? You really kissed Angel? You were on cloud 9. You removed your makeup and changed into your pajamas and got into bed. Laying there, looking up at the ceiling, it was right then you realized that YOU were in trouble.

Tag List: @starrynite7114 @woahitslucyylu @briannab1234 @gemini0410 @ifoundmyhappythought @cind-in-real-life @scuzmunkie @iambabyharry @sadeyesgf @carlaangel86 @everyhowlmarksthedead @notsobuckybarnes @wrcn9fvlcver @elcococruz @jenny885 @general-tiny-mouse @loud-midget @danie1432 @strawberrywritings

[thenewnio]

39 questions for B.E.N.

1. How old will you be in 8 months?

I think I almost lost track of my age after living a hundred years marooned on Treasure Planet, but as far as I remember, I think I’ll be 127…and a half. Technically. I still feel a whole lot younger! See, age isn’t measured in years. Me being a robot, age doesn’t matter much to me.

2. Do you think you’ll be married by then?

Me? Married? I can’t tell how many times I’ve dreamed of getting married! It would be fantastic!

3. Was yesterday better than today?

Oh, every day’s a good day to me! Especially since I have my buddy Jimmy to keep me company!

4. What did your last text message say?

What do you mean by text message?

5. Who was the last person to text you?

I still don’t think I get it. I wouldn’t have a clue as to who “texted” me ‘cause I don’t have a clue as to what texting is!

6. Do you prefer to call or text?

Oh, you’re talking about telephones? Sorry, we don’t have phones on Montressor. Actually, there aren’t any phones anywhere! I forget what phones are! Are they one of those old Earth devices?

7. Do you have any pets?

Well, if you’re talking about Morph, that’s Jimmy’s pet. Although I have wished for a dog. Just someone to play with while Jimmy’s away at the academy. Dogs are a lot of fun!

8. What were you doing at 12 am last night?

I try not to stay up that late. It’s not very good for my all-important mentality. But if I do, I’m usually up cleaning up the inn for Sarah Hawkins. Of course, no matter how late I stay up, I’m always the first one to be up in the morning! Gotta stay on top of things when you’re running an inn like the Benbow! Know what I mean?

9. Do you like carrots?

Carrots? I can’t eat carrots! But I can say I’ve tasted one. It put me through a rush! It’s certainly quite different from my daily oil rations.

10. When is the last time you saw your mom?

Never in my entire life! My creator Martin—that’s my dad—told me that she died before I was even born! He did used to talk about her a lot. Gee, I sure wish I could have met her. She sounded like a sweet lady.

11. What are your exact feelings for your ex?

What? Ex? Do I have an ex?

12. How many houses have you lived in?

Not many really. I did have a home with my dad on my home planet. It was over a hundred years before I found a nice, new home with Jimmy and his mom.

13. How many city/towns have you lived in?

I didn’t find a real home until Jimmy came along. That, and I’ve been nearly everywhere in the galaxy. Does living with Captain Flint for 15 years count? Or should I have mentioned that in the other question?

14. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?

Well…have you seen my feet? I can’t even were socks, let alone shoes! They’d look better on humans. Never try to put shoes on my feet!

15. Are you a social person?

Yes! I’ve always been a people robot!

16. What was the last thing you ate?

I get a ration of oil two to three times a day. And a spot of bite-back bananas hits the spot. I’d say it was flying pop rockets. It always tires me out trying to chase those little suckers.

17. What is your favorite color?

Every single color is my favorite color! Especially blue! I find blue to be nice and peaceful.

18. What are you doing for your next birthday?

My birthday? Gee, I dunno. I don’t ask for much. But I do hope Jimmy gives me a present! I haven’t had a birthday since…well…actually, I’ve never had a birthday in my whole entire life! Which gets me wondering why Dad never gave me one. Oh! I remember! I had to go off and be a navigator for the Gold Lagoon. One of those gigantic merchant galleons!

19. What is your favorite TV show?

I was only just recently introduced to TV, so I’m not particularly sure. I can say I am partial to Phineas and Ferb.

20. If you had the chance, would you get back together with your ex?

I would if I had and ex…which I don’t. At least, I think. Did I even have a girlfriend?

21. Do your folks like coffee?

Not a clue! I never saw Dad drink it and I never asked. Maybe he did while he was making me.

22. You like someone right now?

If you mean a girl, I haven’t found her yet. But I’ve always got Jimmy. Course, he and I are best buddies!

23. Who is your best friend?

Well, I just said, Jimmy.

24. What are you listening to?

I think I can hear this humming sound. Is that me? Must be my inner gears working. Which is always a good sign!

25. Can you sing?

Sure I can! But I’m more of the karaoke type.

26. Do you know how to play poker?

I’m more into checkers. I have the whole checkers concept wired! Lemme tell ya!

27. What are you most looking forward to?

A good work day with the Hawkins family! And a chance to play with the Doppler kids! I love ‘em to death; they are so cute!

28. Any plans for this weekend?

I’ve convinced Jimmy and Sarah to take us all camping! That’s gonna be such fun!

29. Do you have anything bothering you?

Oh, come on! Why would I have anything bothering me?

30. Do you smile often?

Almost all the time! Keeps me and everyone else in high spirits!

31. When was the last time you cried?

It was when Jimmy hugged me back! Ya know, after Treasure Planet blew up. It’s a long story.

32. Have you ever had a life-threatening injury?

I hope not! Well, I did have my primary memory circuit get pulled out. Does that count? Probably not.

33. Have you ever been in an ambulance?

Never in my whole life!

34. Do you prefer an ocean or pool?

Both! Pools let ya play with friends and…well, I guess the ocean does that too. But! You don’t get to see wildlife in a pool! Oceans are also beautiful during a sunset. Oceans it is!

35. Why is your relationship status the way it is?

Not many girls fall for a guy like me. At least, not mutually. Not sure why.

36. What is the color of your bedroom walls?

A nice wooden brown. Well, it’s the style where I live.

37. Do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth?

I don’t need to brush my teeth. I use a special cleaning fluid once a month when it’s time for my monthly tune-up. But if I did brush my teeth, I’d shut off the water. I mean, why waste water? It’d be bad for the environment if I didn’t shut it off! Don’t you think the world’s in enough trouble already?

38. Do you wish someone was with you right now?

I’ve got Jimmy. Sure, I’d like to be with someone right now. Doing this questionnaire thingy is kinda making me lonely.

39. Are you frustrated right now?

No…not really. Why would I be frustrated? Unless I’m trying remember something important. But that’s not a problem anymore, now that I’ve got my memory circuit back!

[fitnesstimesblog]

Disclaimer: There is no shortcut. If you have more to lose you will have to change your lifestyle drastically. If you only need to lose a couple of pounds you will still need to make some changes. Unless you have a very fast metabolism (which, if you are actively trying to lose weight, you most likely don’t) you will not lose 10 kg in 2 weeks. I am not creating this post as a weight loss programme, it is a guide to help you in making decisions on how you want to lose weight.You need to do this for yourself.

https://www.subscribepage.com/get_your_keto_diet_plan

Bad Habits that Make You Put on Weight

Mindless snacking: if you are going to eat snacks take a look at the serving sizes and stick to that. If you have a bag of popcorn actually weigh out the stated portion size into a bowl and only eat that. If you are dieting I would suggest not snacking or sticking to one snack a day.

https://www.subscribepage.com/get_your_keto_diet_plan

Low levels of activity, this is bad habit most people picked up during lockdown. People count steps for a reason - it is healthy to walk 10,000 steps a day and if you are trying to lose weight walking 10,000 - 15,000 will help a lot.

Takeaways. It is okay to get a fast food takeaway once or twice a week. A problem arises when people order takeaways almost everyday. I don’t have to tell you why that is not healthy. If you seriously want to lose weight stick to one takeaway a week or none at all. If you do buy takeaway make sure to purchase from the children’s menu as the portion sizes are smaller.

Lack of sleep. I am the biggest culprit of this, but you must get at least 8 hours of sleep a day. The negative effects lack of sleep has on your body seep into every aspect of your life. Turn off your phone at 10 pm and get some quality sleep

Not drinking enough water. Anyone successful weight loss journey involves a person up-ing their water intake. You should be drinking a minimum (and I mean bare minimum) of 2 litres of water everyday but when I am losing weight I like to up my intake to 3 litres +. On the opposite end of the spectrum don’t drink too much water (I know, contradictory right?). Drinking too much water is very dangerous so I would say slowly raise your uptake and never drink over 4 litres a day.

https://www.subscribepage.com/get_your_keto_diet_plan

Diet

Disclaimer: There are no shortcuts. When you have more to lose, you need to radically change your lifestyle. If all you need to do is lose a few pounds, there are still a few changes that you need to make. Unless you have a very fast metabolism (which you probably don't if you want to actively lose weight), you won't lose 10 kg in 2 weeks. I am not creating this article as a weight loss program, it is a guide to help you make decisions about how you want to lose weight. You have to do it yourself.

Bad habits that make you fat

Mindless Snacks: When you are snacking, watch your portion sizes and stick to them. If you have a bag of popcorn, weigh the serving size in a bowl and eat it. If you are on a diet, I recommend that you avoid or stick to one snack per day.

Low activity levels are a bad habit that most people develop while in detention. People count steps for a reason: it's healthy to take 10,000 steps a day, and if you're trying to lose weight, 10,000-15,000 steps will do you very well.

Take away. There's nothing wrong with buying takeaway fast food once or twice a week. A problem arises when people order takeaway food almost every day. I don't need to tell you why it's unhealthy. If you really want to lose weight, limit yourself to one or no intake per week. If you are buying to take away, be sure to buy from the children's menu as the portions are smaller.

Lack of sleep. I'm the biggest culprit for this, but you need to get at least 8 hours of sleep a day. The negative effects of insufficient sleep on your body permeate all aspects of your life. Turn off your phone at 10 p.m. and get a good night's sleep

Not Drinking Enough Water Any successful weight loss involves a person increasing their water intake. I should drink a minimum (and I mean the minimum) of 2 liters of water a day, but when I lose weight I happily increase my intake to 3+ liters. On the other side of the spectrum, you shouldn't be drinking too much water (I know, isn't that a contradiction in terms?). Drinking too much water is very dangerous so I would say increase your intake slowly and never drink more than 4 liters a day.

https://www.subscribepage.com/get_your_keto_diet_plan

Diet

Of course, calorie control is an important factor in dieting, but it has to be a healthy restriction. I would say never go under 1,500 calories. Very restrictive diets (<1500) are unsustainable, unhealthy, dangerous, and generally a bad idea.

Here are some of my diet "tips" that have helped me lose weight:

Drink soups. Creamy, stringy, veggie-filled, warm, and nutritious soups (can you say I love soups)? Soups are great for dieting because they are generally healthy, high in vitamins and nutrients, and more easily digested. I know that when I drink soups, I don't have gas and never feel that bloated. Serve with a slice or two of French baguette for a light dinner.

Eat five small meals throughout the day. If you limit your calories to 1,500, you can have five meals of 300 calories evenly throughout the day.

By stocking up on vegetables and fruits, you can eat more for fewer calories, such as: For example, eat a 250-calorie muffin or large banana, a bowl of raisins, and a can of raisins (230 calories). Try to get your nutrient sources from low fat options. Instead of getting your calcium from whole milk, go for skimmed milk, yogurt, sardines, beans, and lentils.

Cut down on carbohydrates. Not exactly, but you should try not to eat more than 2 slices of bread a day. Try not to eat more than 2 bowls of rice a day (choose brown rice, it's more nutritious). Eliminate juices, sodas, and other sources of unnecessary sugar. Prepare meals so you can make informed decisions about what to eat

Here is an example of how I ate while on my diet:

6:00 am - a large banana and oatmeal with soy milk 9:00 a.m. - a bowl of raisins and 1/2 sardine sandwich (1 slice of wholemeal bread) 12:00 - a plate of white rice with sauteed chicken breast and vegetables. 3:00 p.m. - Celery, cucumber and carrot sticks with hummus and grilled salmon 6:00 p.m. - Carrot soup with coconut milk and a slice of French baguette

https://www.subscribepage.com/get_your_keto_diet_plan

Exercise

The scourge of my existence. Sorry I didn't come here with advice on the gym and lifting for a six pack. I do not know how. I can only say that if you want to lose weight, cardio helps a lot (in my experience).

Just do cardio every day. Here are some examples:

Swimming (30 minutes) Walking (more than 10,000 steps) Jogging (30 minutes) Skipping rope (15 minutes) Elliptical trainer (30 minutes) Stationary bike (30 minutes) Rowing (20 minutes) Sprint intervals (30 minutes) HIIT, high-intensity interval training I've lost most of my weight through jogging and rowing, and I used to jog for 30-60 minutes three times a week and go to the rowing club twice a week. Remember that every route to weight loss and to the body is different. Find out what works for you.

The key point is that you try to start cardiovascular exercise at least 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week, and when you can increase the frequency and duration of the workouts.

General information

As I said, your journey is your journey. Do not compare your weight loss to anyone else's or try to rush the process. Think of it as a lifestyle change. A way to restore all of the unhealthy habits you have developed since you were born. Let it motivate you. Buy a goalkeeper you want to fit into and try on them regularly when you lose weight

That will be controversial. Weigh yourself once a month. Trust me. If you see this number drop after a month of hard work, you will feel a lot better. People who weigh themselves daily can base their diets and emotions on the number on the scales each day when weight loss is a combination of days and weeks of concerted effort.

https://www.subscribepage.com/get_your_keto_diet_plan

Be nice to yourself; Allow yourself to make a mistake and start over. You have to give yourself love, not hate and harsh words. Like telling a child who has fallen off a bicycle that everything is okay and needs to try again, the same grace and understanding should be shown. Join a weight loss support group or a neighborhood walking group - having support can be very uplifting and can make friends Occupy. When you're busy, don't eat. The way I maintain my weight loss and not fall into bad habits is to keep busy. Horseback riding, ballet, reading, bowling, gardening, work. Do whatever you can, don't sit idle and you will subconsciously increase your activity and end up eating without thinking.

[anglrfish]

tma characters’ cooking abilities: rated and ranked

1. sasha: if Sasha had been the archivist, tma would have lasted 30 episodes. by episode 25 she solves both the apocalypse and climate change. she spends the next 5 addressing the will-they-won't-they storyline with Tim (it’s won’t-they but they have fun with it). i will never stop being petty about this. anyway Sasha is the most competent and consistent cook out of everyone. sis can pull a three-course meal for six without breaking a sweat and it'll be the best thing you've had. where talent, practice and taste meet 10/10 please bring her back i miss her so mu

2. melanie: an instinctive cook. is talented enough that her reluctance to look up recipes (usually) does not backfire. will stab you if you insinuate that microwaving is a good option in any scenario. her and georgie definitely have dates that consist of looking up a dish they want to try and making it together. 9/10 melanie is wise & talented. 

3. martin: martin grew up cooking for his mom, which means that he can do it quite well but sometimes chooses not to because some dishes bring up bad memories. also probably gets VERY stressed when inside the kitchen. his baking game, tho? INCREDIBLE. 8/10 where do you think tim got that cake for jon’s birthday

4. georgie: her instinct isn’t as strong as melanie’s but still, she has a whole set of meals that she has perfected. ultimately the cooking power of wtgfs is unparalleled. 8/10 georgina barker is not only an excellent podcaster but also an excellent cook

5. gerry: i know what you are thinking. i, too, thought “this dude sounds like he smells like he eats grilled cheese 10 times a week because that’s the only thing he can make”. but consider: gerry’s secret hobby is cooking. i raise to you the Gerard Delano Greatest Hits: 3am banana bread, vegetable lasagna, slightly burnt lentil burgers. dude enjoys every second of it. 7/10 if he was alive he would binge cooking videos and attempt to make Binging with Babish: Ratatouille and fail, but only slightly 

6. jon: his palak paneer? his biryani? surprisingly good for a man who does outrageously stupid stuff on a daily basis. evidence for this claim: jon was raised by his grandma, and while that woman did raise up a hot mess of a person, she also raised a self-sufficient man. 7/10 i would like to add that his spice tolerance is very high. first time he cooks for martin in the scottish safehouse is tragic (for martin)

bonus: jon could never cook with melanie because he’d be around screaming “IT SAYS. A CUP. OF MILK”. she’d say “we’re just adding a splash” and he would lose it because they need to follow the recipe melanie

7. gertrude: im assuming ms. robinson is as good at cooking as she is at scheming. i also assume that she only makes practical meals because she believes that her time has more efficient uses (like scheming) and doesn’t have any strong feelings about food anyway. theoretically, she CAN manage complex stuff. we’ll never know for sure though (unless someone finally writes a MasterChef TMA AU). 6?/10 as always a mystery

8. basira: basira subsists on microwaved food only and does not give a single fuck about it. A few years ago she ate actual fresh food, felt the best she has since high school, and proceeded to not do it again. in the rare occasion that she does get into the kitchen, she can improvise with limited success. 6/10 with a little bit of practice she could improve but, again, zero fucks to give 

9. tim: Word Of God says that he would be an ambitious cook and I buy it. tim will look at some youtube videos and feel the need to make steaming soup dumplings and Crème brûlée. he will wing them and come up with something barely edible but still feel satisfied. also, he has exactly two (02) breakfasts and dinners he’s perfected for any date that needs impressing. 5/10 keep an eye on him at the kitchen 

10. daisy: both daisy and basira have the same (poor) eating habits. however, here is The Tonner Contradiction: daisy can’t cook for shit, but appreciates and loves a good meal with all her heart. 4/10 favorite meal: steak au poivre favorite meal that she can make herself: beans on toast

11. plukas: can’t even tell when food has gone bad. honestly? his stomach can’t either. 1/10

12. elias: elias “dust eating rat” bouchard has not cooked a day in his life. when elias “avatar of the dumbass” bouchard walks inside of a kitchen he feels disgust and hatred churning inside his stomach. elias “little weasel” bouchard would rather starve than touch a pot. in the old days he had a personal chef, but nowadays he just goes out to some overpriced restaurant. also: elias “dingus” bouchard calls mayo spicy. 0/10 i despise him and want him dead.

[devilsflowermantis]

Rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to get to know better…

thank you @atticweirdo for tagging me, it was a nice thing to wake up to!

1. Nickname: i go by aphelion online! or my real name but i’d rather just friends call me that. i’ve been going by aphelion for a long time, it’s a pretty word to me

2. Zodiac sign: pisces

3. Height: taller than i thought!!! ....which is 5'4".

4. Last movie I watched: uhh, i don't think i've watched a movie recently? last thing i binge watched was nge again, but the entire 26 episodes (i think it was 26), not the movie. i'm really picky with movies anyway and i lose my attention really fast and never finish them lmao

5. Last thing I Googled: looks like i was looking up stuff about c# because a friend of mine was talking about it (the coding language)

6. Favorite musician: still love radiohead and muse. echo and the bunnymen is a good one.

7. Songs stuck in my head: climbing up the walls by radiohead

8. Other blogs: @ghostparadoxa, and my art blogs which i need to update (@supervoidart and i have a doodle blog)

9. Blogs I'm following: 86 on here, i like it feeling relaxed. probably should find more blogs though

10. Amount of sleep: i need 9 to feel rested, anything under 8 is hellish, anything above 10 is also hellish. i deal with a lot of insomnia as well, sometimes i can't sleep for days at a time and it's miserable.

11. Lucky number: when i was a kid it was 2, 4, and 12. i really like the number 9 now.

12. What am I wearing: a shirt from babezord's shop on etsy, it's really cool! and boxers. i just got out of bed recently

13. Dream job: ugh anything that has to do with programming or biology. i fucking love code and i fucking love biology. i live for this shit.

14. Dream trip: the alps....... that's all.

15. Favorite food: i don't really enjoy food all that much. i eat so i'm not hungry. i sometimes go days without eating if i'm not careful, and cooking isn't enjoyable especially if i don't care to eat what i'm making. i've been good about it lately though! i do enjoy fruit, it's easy and simple enough for me to eat. i've realized i'm allergic to a lot of them, though. i can't eat peaches and plums much anymore, and bananas are risky. apple are a no. strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, and pomegranate are still safe at least. idk about stuff like pineapple.

16. Play an instrument: piano has always intrigued me. violin is pretty. i also like pipe organs haha

17. Languages: english. i took a couple years of german but i don't remember much. i've been trying to teach myself it again through various online resources. i want to learn french too. and japanese, because it seems like a challenge. russian sounds fun too.

18. Describe yourself in aesthetic things: hm this is hard because i struggle to know how i'm perceived so i'll use one-word traits other people have said about me and try to turn it into an aesthetic/scene.

- a deep canyon. when you look down, you can barely see the ground below. it's so far away you can't make it out clearly. you can't see the other side of the canyon either, it's covered by a dense fog. you don't know what's beyond it. it's quiet here, and there's a chill in the air. you're curious, and you want to wait for the fog to clear, but it doesn't look like it's going to lift any time soon.

- the deep ocean. the abyss. there's a lot going on far below you, but you don't know what it is. it doesn't seem comforting though. but you don't mind lying on the surface. you're not worried about whatever's down there coming up to bite you. it'll stay there, and the waves here are gentle and the sunlight is warm, so why leave?

19. Favorite Songs: i might be wrong - radiohead (this one just feels like me. i don't know how to explain it. if you want to listen to any of them i'd say listen to this one!), go slowly - radiohead (another one that sounds like me!!), how to disappear completely - radiohead, space dementia - muse (especially the 20th anniversary remix ugh it's so good), ocean rain - echo and the bunnymen, shine on you crazy diamond - pink floyd. i heard this one in the past years ago and it didn't stick with me. it came up again recently and just felt right. idk, i'm really picky with my music and what sounds right in the moment. but the first 3 have been my favorite songs for like 7 years so go with those.

20. Random fact: i have synesthesia! the way i observe and interact with the world is heavily influenced by it. it influences how i perceive my own emotions, my personality, my gender, my entire self. it influences my interests, and the people i like to be around. for example, the other day i couldn't tell how i was feeling, and i described it as feeling like a glass fishhook with electricity flowing through it. i was in physical pain, which felt like bubbles popping and vibrant waves of light shooting up my spine. people usually can't tell what i mean by this, and it's weird to me because it makes perfect sense in my head. it's like another language only i can understand.

i don't really know who to tag specifically, but if we're mutuals feel free to do this and say i tagged you!

[thecatprince]

Stages and Stars

First | Previous | Next

Read on AO3

Relationships: Eventual Prinxiety, Eventual Logicality

Summary:  Four people, an actor, an astronomer, a musician and a baker, move into a flat together at the start of the year. As they go through the various struggles of life, they slowly become friends and end up making friendships and relationships that are unbreakable.

Warnings: Panic attacks

Reblogs > Likes

--

Chapter Three - Friendship

It had been a couple of days since they had all moved in together and they had started to settle into a comfortable routine. Patton got up first, and tended to make a pot of coffee for everyone to help themselves (Logan was horrible before his coffee in the morning), and he would be the first out the house on the days when he worked at the local bakery. Logan and Roman were often up next and would help themselves to coffee and jam and toast (they had bonded over a shared love of Crofters). Virgil would be the last up, and he would come in with his headphones over his ears and dance around the kitchen a little as he made his breakfast.

“I am going to go food shopping today, so add what you want me to get on this list,” Patton said as they were sitting around the kitchen table eating breakfast.

“I’ll come with you,” Roman said. “I need a distraction from my audition this afternoon.”

“I am sure you will be fine Roman. You have been practicing a lot,” Patton responded reassuringly.

“Oh, I know I will do well, I am just a little nervous.” Roman gave Patton a confident smile that was unfortunately ruined by the jam on his face. Virgil gave a snort of laughter and Roman shot him a glare. “What are you laughing at JD-lightful?”

“Nothing, it’s just you have jam smeared all over your face, which kind of ruins your act of confidence.”

Roman gave a huff of annoyance, and went to wash his face.

“So, what are you guys doing today?” Patton asked.

“Well, I was planning on doing some more research on the local observatory, and probably spend the day reading. There was a new book on astronomy that came out last week that I haven’t had a chance to read yet.”

“That sounds fun. How about you Virgil?”

“I was just going to fiddle around with my music. I was expecting a call from someone as well, so I am going to wait for that,” Virgil said, in a slightly harsher tone than usual.

Patton gave him a slightly confused look, but he brushed it off as Virgil being tired. The conversation changed to the weather for the week and the answers of the crossword that Logan was doing. He did them most mornings as he had breakfast, and the others would chime in occasionally if they knew a word. Roman was quite good at crosswords, mostly from all of the books he read, much to the surprise of everyone, especially Virgil, who had found out couple of days ago that Roman had been taking toast out of the toaster with a fork when it was stuck (it was a wonder he was still alive).

“What is a thirteen letter word, starting with m, for a collection or group composed of members or elements of different kinds?” Logan asked.

“Miscellaneous,” Roman said as he entered the room after washing his face. Logan wrote it down.

“How about a nine letter word for obscurity or vagueness? Starts with a ends with y.”

“Hmmm…. Try ambiguity.”

Logan filled in the squares. “It works. Well done.”

After the crossword was done, Logan and Virgil disappeared into their respective rooms and Patton and Roman headed out to the shops to buy some more food. “Hey Roman, do you think Virgil sounded a little off today?” Patton asked as they made their way to the store.

“No, I thought he seemed just as moody as normal. Why?”

“Oh, it was probably nothing, but he just seemed a little on edge.”

Roman gave this some consideration. “Maybe. I didn’t really notice that much. Also we have only known each other fully for a couple of days, so I can’t say I know any of you well enough to know if you are acting off from your usual character.”

“That’s fair. I just have a feeling.” Roman shrugged, not sure how to respond. The two men entered the store, and they headed around the aisles, grabbing the food they need off the shelves and into the trolley.

“Hey Roman, look!” said Patton as they went to the produce section. “Oni-on.” He pointed to the pile of onions. “Oni-off.” He pointed to floor. Roman smiled, having a great appreciation of puns.

“You know,” Patton began as they passed the tray of potatoes, “I actually have a lot of jokes about potatoes, but I just don’t know where to starch.” Patton had that very specific look on his face, like the facial equivalent of a ‘ba dum tss’.

“I always try to look nice wherever I go, because you never know who you are going to meat,” Patton joked, pointing to the fridge of meat products. Roman was enjoying himself immensely as Patton jumped from food to food, making a punny comment of each one they passed.

“I have a fondness for bananas. I find them very appealing.” Patton had the biggest smile on his face. He picked up a pair. “I think you and I make an excellent pear!” “Me too Padre,” Roman said as he laughed. “Those puns are very good.”

“Thanks. I have a lot more.” Patton started thumping the beetroot as they passed it. “Listen to that beet.” Roman gave an appreciative chuckle, watching in amusement as his friend ran around the store.

“Being around all of this food has made me berry hungry,” Patton quipped as he grabbed some strawberries and raspberries from the tray and placed them in the trolley.

“Gosh, aren’t my puns just grape?” Roman gave a huff of laughter. He thought Patton’s puns were excellent and he admired how fast he could come up with them.

“Indeed they are Patton.” Patton gave Roman an appreciative smile and Roman returned it. The two bought their food, and walked back to the apartment, swapping jokes and laughing as they went. -- Virgil’s morning went a little differently. He had been on edge all day, waiting for the manager of the local pub to call him to see if they were willing to let him perform there. He wasn’t normally this anxious, well, not since high school at least. Years of therapy meant that his anxiety had reduced drastically, and he had a good control over it when it did happen to get worse. However, for whatever reason (probably moving in to a new place with people he had only met once or twice before), his anxiety was worse than it had been in a while. Which meant that a simple phone call like the one he was waiting on, which would usually make him feel a little nervous, was sending him into a full-blown panic attack.

It had been so long since Virgil had had a panic attack that he was thrown quite off guard and lost control of the situation pretty quickly. He felt super sick and a bit dizzy, and he could feel himself start to hyperventilate. He knew he needed to shake himself out of it, but in his panic he couldn’t remember any of the grounding strategies that he normally used. Virgil curled up on his bed and grabbed the sheets as a way to try and ground himself.

Through his state of panic, Virgil heard a knock on his bedroom door, and Logan’s voice asking if he could come in. This sent him into a further state of panic, as he didn’t want Logan, or any of his new roommates to see him in this state. What would they say? What would they think of him for panicking over something so small? He felt silly for having a panic attack over a stupid phone call, but he couldn’t help it. He barely registered the door opening and Logan entering. He vaguely heard Logan say something, and he forced himself to listen to what Logan was saying.

“Hey, Virgil, listen to me,” Logan said in a clear calm voice. Virgil listened the best he could. “I need you to take deep breaths for me, okay? Breathe with me. In…1…2…3…4… Out…1…2…3…4…, good, again, deep breathes.” Logan repeated the exercise a couple more times, until Virgil’s breathing was back to normal and he had calmed down significantly. Virgil mumbled something under his breath which Logan didn’t quite catch.

“Could you please repeat that Virgil?”

“’m sorry,” Virgil mumbled, looking down at the ground. Logan was taken aback and unsure of how to respond.

“Why are you sorry Virgil?” Logan asked. Virgil avoided looking at Logan as he responded.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that and I understand if you don’t want to be my friend after this.”

“Nonsense. There is nothing to apologise for. Anxiety attacks, while unpleasant for the person having them, are not a deal breaker when it comes to friendship. My mother had anxiety, and she taught me how to help someone who was having a panic attack, and so I am not deterred by having to help someone while they are having one. There is no reason to apologise for something you can’t help, and I am still willing to be friends.”

Virgil gave Logan a shy smile. “I’m still embarrassed though. It has been ages since I have had one and I thought I had a grip on my anxiety, but look at me, having a stupid panic attack over some dumb phone call.”

“Virgil, there are other factors in your life that may cause your anxiety to be heightened. You just moved places to live with a group of people who you hadn’t really met! That’s a big change and I am sure it would make you more anxious than usual. Also, if it is any consolation, I won’t ever judge you for having anxiety,” Logan said, giving Virgil a smile. Virgil returned it with a shier smile, and Logan stood to leave.

“Hey Logan?” Virgil called out as Logan opened the door. Logan turned around.

“Yes Virgil?”

“Thank you…. for helping me.”

“No problem. That’s what friends are for.”

--

Tag list - ask to be added or removed

@patton-cake @alias290

[jksmoongf]

Kissing Fire [pt. 11]

Pairing: Jungkook x reader x girlfriend (oc) Genre: cheater!AU, angst, smut Wordcount: 11.4k Warning: smut, lies, heartbreak and more lies and maybe fluff if you squint

Summary: It always feels like there is only one person in the world to love. And then you find somebody else.

a/n: I don’t condone cheating on your s.o., so please don’t read if you have a problem with this! (also I’m not saying this is something Jungkook would actually do!) **a/n: thank you for your patience, angels! 💗 It’s been a while and I hope anyone still reads this <3 (also idk what happened to the og upload but it was kinda weird -.-)  I’m also dedicating this chapter to my sweet @struggleofarmy​!!! You helped me so much and without you, I probably wouldn’t have finished it! thank you for everything! 💗 ily  Warning chapter 11: none, it’s just an angsty mess!!! (profanities, maybe?)

Jungkook closed the microwave door on the leftover food; her eyes glued to his pretty face as his lips puckered into a kissy-shape, trying to set the temperature and the time before pressing the start button. He turned around, locking eyes with her. “We have exactly 3 minutes and 45 seconds.” He wiggled his brows but a strange feeling of embarrassment washed over her, making her cheeks flush that he caught her staring. “Noona, do I have something on my face?” Jungkook mused, mouth curving upwards into a smile. Shaking her head no, she hoped the color would soon disappear from her face. “So where were we before you said you were hungry?” He closed the distance between them quickly, trapping her between his body and the counter. The warmth that radiated off him as his face got closer and closer with every blink, made her feel all fuzzy as his fingertips gently trailed up her arms, over her shoulders and up her neck until he cupped her face. The pads of his thumbs softly caressing her skin when his lips ghosted over her own. She knew this was supposed to be a sweet and tender moment shared between just the two of them but she just couldn’t help herself.  She crashed her lips onto Jungkook’s; feeling the smile tugging on the corners of his mouth while she so desperately tried to get a taste of him. Her hands tangled in his messy dark hair, pulling him closer to her as their tongues gently nestled against each other. He sighed into her mouth when her fingers gently scratched over his scalp. Maybe, just maybe, they could ditch the food and go back to his room for a little while and just indulge in a heavy make-out session where she was sure he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands to himself for more than a few seconds. 

But the repeated beeping of the microwave made them separate sooner than expected.

With a groan, she blindly reached for her phone next to the pillow where she had placed it after being on FaceTime with Jungkook just hours ago. She knew that in the morning, she would regret not listening to him when he repeatedly told her to sleep and get plenty of rest before work. 

But talking to him was so much more important than sleeping; she just loved listening to him talk about his day, especially after an exciting event like the night before. Sometimes, it scared her that he was often surrounded by pretty girls who were a lot more talented than she was; leaving her to wonder why he had chosen her instead of someone who perfectly understood all his struggles. But at the end of the night he called her to whisper sleepy I love you’s or FaceTime until they both fell asleep. 

[Jungkook - 4:12am] 

Ah noona, I already miss you! Sleep well and have a good day at work! Text me whenever you can! Can’t wait to see you when your shift is over! I love you (∩˃o˂∩)♡

Her grip tightened around the phone, pressing it to her chest, she kicked her legs and muffled a squeal into the plush bunny he had given her. Jungkook was always so sweet; he must have known how happy it would make her to be waking up to a text from him but after reading the text over and over, her eyes darted to the time on top of the screen. 

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” She cursed under her breath, trying to free herself from the confinement of the two blankets and the robe she was wearing. In a hurry she put on her work uniform and got ready to leave, running just a few minutes late. 

Shoving the last bite of a banana into her mouth; she put on her denim jacket before slipping on her black patent-leather shoes with the small dainty gold buckle. 

As if the devil himself was chasing her down the street, she ran as fast as she could to catch her train to Hongdae and just in time she squeezed through the door right as it was about close, the hem of her skirt almost getting caught. 

She leaned against the door on the opposite side, catching a glimpse of her reflection. The wind had caused a few strands of hair to get loose, making her bun look messy. While trying to tuck the hair back to where it belonged, she pulled out her phone, finally having enough time to reply to Jungkook. 

[y/n - 10:33 am] 

I miss you too, Kookie! My shift ends at 6pm so I can come over after. I’ll bring food for you and the boys! Just let me know what you want, you know I get a discount so don't hold back! I love you too! 

[y/n - 10:35M] 

Btw, I should have listened to you when you told me to sleep. I’m so tired but also so excited to see you later. I hope you slept well, baby! 

After locking the screen, she let her eyes wander around the cart. A group of teenage girls, all gathered around one phone caught her attention. 

“Is that really him? It can’t be.” One of them whispered-yelled, immediately covering her mouth with her hands after one of her friends slapped her arm and scolding her. 

“Of course it is him. It’s his voice and those are definitely his hands. Haven’t you seen the other one?” 

The vibration, signaling a new text, made her flinch at first but her heart started racing, only to be disappointed that it wasn’t Jungkook - just a coworker sending a meme to the group chat. Yet, she went back to his chat, carefully scanning the messages she had sent to him - they had not been delivered yet. Reminding herself that he sometimes put his phone on airplane mode so nobody would disturb his slumber. 

Four hours had passed and she was finally on her break, sitting in the small back room where they kept their personal belongings during shifts. 

Her heart sank when she saw that Jungkook still had not replied; it was unlike him to keep her waiting for so long. At this hour, he surely wouldn’t still be asleep, not when he had moaned about having to go to a company meeting today. Even her attempts at calling him were left unanswered; the calls going straight to voicemail. 

A whirlwind of panic started to stir up in her stomach; what if he changed his mind and didn’t want to see her anymore? The past few days had been so chaotic and draining that she couldn’t silence the small voice in the back of her mind that kept telling her that it was all too good to be true. 

Nails clicking on the screen; she hastily pulled up Taehyung’s chat. 

[y/n - 2:12pm] 

Tae (: do you know where Jungkookie is? I wanted to ask him about editing a pic for me but he’s not responding to my messages. I’ll see you later <3 

“Y/n, Myung-Jun hyung says your lunch is ready! Come eat.” With a sigh, she followed her coworker to the kitchen, sitting down at the small table for the restaurant staff. It was odd that she was so worried about Jungkook not replying, but the uneasy feeling that something wasn’t right anchored itself in her chest. 

Halfheartedly she picked at the food in front of her; maybe she was overreacting and Jungkook had just forgotten to turn airplane mode off or he left in a rush, leaving his phone at the dorms. Either way, she had her mind set on checking up on him after her shift. 

* 

Jungkook’s bare feet made the floor creek as he entered the living room, the hushed conversations he had faintly been hearing on his way, immediately died down. His brothers looking at him like he was a species from a different planet, not one of them looking happy to see him. 

“Sit.” Yoongi gestured towards a chair from the kitchen table that they had put out, just for him apparently - making him feel like he was a police interrogation. “Management will be here any minute now.” 

Jungkook gave a small nod, sitting down on the wooden chair. He knew the heating was on but the room seemed to be freezing cold when no warm laughter filled the air and every single one of the member's faces seemed to be laced with concern. 

“Can I have my phone back?” His eyes were focused on the electronic device on the coffee table, still not understanding why they took it from him to begin with. He just wanted to see if y/n had texted him; maybe talk to her on the phone for a bit during her break- longing to hear her voice and the sweet coos of his nickname. Not talking to her for almost seven hours, seemed like torture to him now that they were finally able to be together and be happy.  

“No, we were told not to give it to you.” Seokjin said calmly, his index finger tapping on the armrest of the sofa in a familiar rhythm. 

Letting out a frustrated groan, Jungkook rolled his eyes. 

“You know I’m not a kid anymore, you can’t just take my stuff from me like you’re my parents.” His bottom lip jutted out into a small pout; contradicting his previous statement perfectly. 

“Oh, it is very apparent that you’re not a kid anymore…” Hoseok scoffed under his breath but before Jungkook could answer, he heard the front door open and manager Sejin’s voice echoed from the hallway. 

“Change the code and then join us in the living room.” 

Jungkook always admired how tall his favorite manager was but the grim expression on his face made his usual soft eyes, dark and a little scary. “Perfect, you’re all here.” 

“Taehyung is in his room. I’ll go get him.” Jimin jumped over the back of the sofa and rushed down the corridor. 

“Then we’ll wait.” Sejin sat down next to Namjoon, who had been too wrapped up in his thoughts to pay any attention to the things that were happening around him, only snapping out of his thoughts momentarily to mumble a greeting. 

Jimin knocked on the door, only seconds later Ha-na’s muffled voice indicated that it was okay for him to come in. At the sight of his best friend sitting cross-legged on the bed, wiping his cheeks with his sleeve, his heart cramped up painfully. 

Ha-na had her arm wrapped around her boyfriend’s shoulders, holding his left hand tightly in her own, whispering softly in his ear. 

“Management is here to talk to Jungkookie, Sejin-nim wants you to come, too.” He said quietly, when the younger one looked up with puffy eyes, the tip of his nose red from crying. 

“I don’t want to…I just want to stay here…” He was about to lie down and pull the duvet over his body when Ha-na stopped him. 

“I’ll come with you and if it gets too much, we can just go back to your room, okay, baby?” She said softly, cupping his face, to dim the flow of tears for a second with her thumbs. 

“Ha-na, I’m sorry but you can’t come. It’s just…” 

She nodded. “No, I get it. Just the group and management.” Pulling Taehyung to his feet, she grabbed Jimin’s wrist. “Just go with Jimin-ah, he’ll make sure you’re doing alright.” 

“Of course I will.” Jimin gently took Taehyung’s much larger hand in his, giving it a tight squeeze. 

“But I don’t wanna see him…” The hurt in his voice made Jimin’s eyes tear up. A few hours earlier when he had found out from Hoseok what had happened during the night, he knew that Taehyung would take it the hardest - two of the people he was closest to, had been shamelessly lying to his face for months, completely shattering every ounce of trust he used to have in them. 

“You can just look at me the entire time, okay?” Ruffling his hair, he finally managed to pull Tae into the living room, where the air felt suffocatingly thick, making it hard to take deep breaths. 

“Hyung,” Jungkook addressed Tae who looked like he had been crying. “Is everything okay? What’s wrong?” 

Did something happen to Taehyung? Why had he been crying? Jungkook just didn’t understand what was happening; why was nobody telling him why they all looked so worried? 

Finally, Sejin cleared his throat - he was sitting closest to Jungkook, resting his elbows on his knees. 

“All of you know why we are here…” He addressed the room, while the other members silently nodded, the youngest vehemently shook his head, making the manager adjust his position to face him. 

“I’m not here to tell you what to do, the boss wants to speak to you tomorrow in person about all of this. I’m just here to inform you of the next steps we’re going to take.” 

“For goodness sake, what have I done?” He asked, feeling the blood in his veins starting to boil out of frustration of being left in the dark. 

“You didn’t tell him?” 

“N-no, we thought it would be best if you told him…” Namjoon said quietly, not making eye contact with Jungkook, who so desperately needed comfort and reassuring from his older brother. 

The leader’s demeanor worried him, Namjoon was usually the first to speak up about any concerns he had - never afraid to voice what was going on in his head to his members. Now that he was keeping quiet; buried underneath a smothering mountain of thoughts, he wasn’t able to handle the situation like he always did. 

“Jungkook-ah..” Sejin pulled out his phone, tapping on the screen a few times before handing it to him. “That is you, correct?” 

Jungkook’s body turned to stone, his insides twisted in an abundance of knots, uncertain whether he would ever be able to untie them again. Heart hammering against his ribcage; his vision got blurry as he stared at the phone, watching the video he filmed in that hotel room. His own moans blaring from the tiny speaker, repulsed him, forcing bile up his esophagus. 

“Jungkook! Ya!” Hoseok snapped his fingers, trying to get the youngest attention when the next video started playing. 

“I-I-… h-how?” He muttered, watching himself go down on y/n. 

“We don’t know. We have people trying to take the videos down and find out who put them on the internet.” Sejin took the phone from him. 

“Once it’s on the internet, you will never be able to take them all down.” Yoongi shook his head, habitually picking at the skin of this thumb. 

“Jungkook what were you thinking taking those videos? You know how important your image is. Why would you risk it all?” 

“Looks like he wasn’t doing much thinking at all...all the blood his brain needed to make a rational decision was a little further down south...” It seemed like a lighthearted comment, masked a joke but Jungkook knew that Hoseok indeed wasn’t messing around. 

He tried hard to swallow the lump in his throat but it just wouldn’t go down. 

“I-It was just supposed to be between me and…” For a second, Taehyung’s eyes met his and he just couldn’t bring himself to say her name out loud. 

Now he finally knew why one of his best friends had been crying; he had to find out from strangers on the internet that two of his best friends had been slowly ramming a knife into his back. He watched as Jimin pulled Taehyung to his chest, who looked like he was about to burst into tears again. 

“Jungkook…” 

His brain was slowing down tremendously, not able to form an articulate sentence that would explain the whole situation. 

“So you and y/n thought it would be a good idea to take those videos for what reason?” Sejin folded his arms, eyeing the youngest intently over the rims of his glasses. 

“Y/n…” He breathed out her name. “How is she? Is she okay? Has anyone talked to her?” Jumping up from the chair, he frantically looked at the other members who suddenly found their knees oddly interesting. “I have to go. I have to talk to her and make sure, she’s okay.” 

“Sit down! You’re not going anywhere! The press is waiting outside, it’s been all over the news this morning!” 

“W-what?” He slumped down in the chair, his fingers harshly pulling at his own hair. “I have to check on y/n…” 

“I’m sorry, Jungkook but that’s not possible.” 

“At least let me text her.” He pleaded, tears brimming in his eyes. 

“You can’t do that either. We had a meeting in the morning and we can’t let you see her or talk to her again. This concerns the whole group, we cannot risk any more damage to your image. The fans are freaking out, the press is trying to dig up more dirt while asking the company for a statement regarding the videos. You made a whole mess. What were you thinking?” 

Jungkook kept quiet under the drilling eyes of the seven men around him. If they reported about it on the news then he was sure his family had seen it too and were worried about him or worse; they had to carry the burden of being ashamed of their son. But he had to push those feelings on the back burner for now. 

“I-I wasn’t… it’s just something we did sometimes when we were together.” 

“Wait, what about Yina?” Jin chimed in, looking more confused now that the truth was out in the open. 

“I broke up with her a few days ago because I love…love y/n.” Subconsciously his fingers started picking at the little fuzz on his cheek, harder than he had ever done it before. Saying it out loud to the people who had always cared for him so deeply, felt so wrong under these circumstances. He wanted them to know that being with her wasn’t a spur of the moment thing. That he didn’t just break up with Yina because y/n seemed more exciting and new - he truly loved her but he felt like they wouldn’t understand. 

“When did this all start?” 

He focused his eyes on the floor, his ears were feeling hot and redness crept up his face. He didn’t want to tell them, he didn’t want them to know what he had done without any of them knowing. The last thing he wanted was for them to find out and change the way they looked at him. They always doted on him, making sure he was okay and felt loved from a very young age, and he had betrayed them all; the six boys who raised him. Jungkook didn’t want them to think that they failed because he made poor choices along the way. 

“Answer the question.” Taehyung’s voice was cold, sending shivers down his spine. 

Trying to buy a little more time; he cleared his throat. 

“I don’t know the exact date…but it’s been months” He whispered, guilt numbing his senses - at this moment he knew that everything would change; they wouldn’t take care of him anymore, they wouldn’t make sure he was tucked in and had enough to eat during the day. He wasn’t a baby anymore and certainly not the shy teenager they had all grown to love so much.  

Telling them made him feel awful like someone had punched him repeatedly in the stomach. 

He couldn’t bear the thought of looking at them; their disappointment erecting itself in front of him like a monster that was about to swallow him whole.

Taehyung stood up, his shaking hands balled into fists. 

“You disgust me. You two deserve each other.” Pushing past Yoongi, he tried to leave the room but Jungkook jumped up from his seat - he had to fix things, he couldn’t just let him walk out without at least trying to make amends.  

“Hyung, please I’m so sorry. Please forgi-..” He tried reaching for the older one’s arm but he crudely swatted his hand away. 

“Do.Not.Touch.Me.” His deep voice was laced with venom, Jungkook’s bottom lip quivered when their eyes met, not being used to the tone that was filled with so much disgust, disappointment and hurt. He could see all the pain and anger Taehyung was feeling from being lied to that he just wanted to beg for forgiveness but it was too late. 

“Do I have to listen to this shit or can I go?” He turned to face their manager. 

“Ya! Taehyungie, don’t swear.” Hoseok immediately disciplined his younger brother but he was ignored. 

“Can I go or not?” Taehyung’s eyes were focused on Sejin, who took a deep breath before nodding. “Thanks.” His footsteps echoed loudly in Jungkook’s ears as he felt a tear roll down his cheek. Quickly he wiped it away with a shaking hand; knowing that he had just lost one of his best friends - there was nothing he could say or do that would repair the damage their friendship had suffered. 

“So what happens now?” Jimin asked quietly, chewing on the inside of his cheek nervously, the future of the group uncertain. 

“Not sure yet.” Sejin furrowed his brows. “We can’t just ignore it and hope for it to go away. We’ll have to wait and see what is being decided on before we make any rushed decisions. But for now, you’ll all have to lay low, especially you.” He looked at the youngest, who looked pitiful in his spot on the chair. “And that means that you will have to cut all ties with y/n.” 

Jungkook shook his head; he wasn’t going to leave her, not after everything they had been through together. Not after fighting his inner demons for months to finally be with her, to only have it all taken away from him way too soon. 

“Kook, don’t be stubborn! That’s what is best for the group. Do you want all of them to suffer just because you’re being selfish and want to be with a girl? There’s plenty of girls out there, you’ll find another girlfriend in the future.” 

He kept quiet, he didn’t have it in him to argue because they wouldn’t understand that he didn’t want anyone else, he wanted her. 

“So for now, all codes have been changed and I’m asking all of you to change passwords on your devices as well, just as a precaution. Don’t give out your numbers, we will be changing those as well over the next few days. Security will be increased and we will always have one of the managers here until this all blows over. I know, this is inconvenient but we have to get in control of the situation.” After addressing all of them, he turned to Jungkook again. “I’ll be picking you up at 9 tomorrow morning, the boss will be back from his business trip then.” 

“Fine. Can I go to my room now?” Jungkook sounded poutier than he had intended but maybe he could message y/n over on her Instagram to check on her. 

“No, but what you can do, is get your laptop so you can change all your passwords. I’m sorry but one of us will have to monitor you, Jungkook.” 

He sighed in defeat, slowly dragging his feet towards his room. 

Last night had been perfect, they won awards and talking to y/n for hours had been the best ending to the night; he just couldn’t believe that all the good things that finally started happening again, were now overshadowed by someone leaking those videos. He had cherished those videos, they were dear to his heart because it reminded him of one of the reasons why he loved her so much - he never knew what she would do next, it was exciting to be in love with her and he was missing her now more than ever before. 

* 

Carrying two bags of food and bottles of soju was more strenuous than she had expected. For a brief moment, she sat them both down to wipe her forehead with the back of her hand before readjusting her mask - the pollution had gotten worse during the day. 

As she made her way around the corner, the street was filled with cars and reporters with their mics and cameras ready. Some were trying to talk to one of the security guards which there were many, more than usual. 

“Ah, y/n.” The security guard she hadn’t seen since she came here drunk that one night greeted her happily “Bringing over some food, I see.” He closed his eyes, trying to sniff out what she was carrying in the bags. 

“Yeah, I just finished work.” She bowed her head. 

“I’m sure, they’ll appreciate it. They weren’t able to leave all day with the press blocking the way.” 

“I can see that…” She trailed off, letting her eyes wander over the crowd. “Am I allowed to go in?” 

“Sure, I haven’t heard otherwise.” She signed her name, as usual, and with a slight bow she continued her journey, walking up the hill to the building.

The increased amount of security made her feel uneasy, feeling like she was being watched every step of the way.

“What do you want?” A man in a suit spat at her before she could even open the door. 

“I-I’m just dropping off food for my friends…” Her voice was shaking, making the security guy eye her suspiciously as if she was hiding a weapon in one of the bags. 

“And your ‘friends’ know you’re coming?” He raised an eyebrow; she had a feeling that he was about to tackle her to the ground when the regular security guard from the lobby appeared by his side. 

“It’s okay, I know her. She’s allowed to come in.” 

“Thank you.” She whispered, keeping her head low as she walked past the grim-looking man. 

“Crazy day today.” He mused, laying out two lists for her to sign. 

“Why two lists?” 

“One is for us and one is for them…” He nodded in the direction of the men in suits. “I also have to make a copy of your ID for them. They want to keep track of who is entering the building.” 

“That’s fine.” She smiled awkwardly when handing him her card. All those men looking at her like she had done something wrong, made her feel on edge. One of them even followed her into the elevator, not letting her out of his sight until he confirmed with the security on the designated floor that she was allowed to be up here. 

She tried entering the code but the all too familiar click of the lock didn’t happen. 

Setting the bags down, she tried again. “6-8-1-4-2-7.” She muttered to remind herself of the combination but the small blinking red light told her it wasn’t right. 

“Why isn’t it working?” Angrily she stomped her foot in annoyance before knocking on the door impatiently. 

A set of footsteps indicated that someone was coming from the other side; she bent down to pick up the bags as the door swung open. 

“Finally, did you change the code? I tried to…oh.” She looked up, being faced with the stern look of one of the managers. Hastily she bowed as low as she could without dropping anything. “I’m sorry, hello.” 

But he didn’t reply, still just looking at her as if he tried to remember if he had seen her before. 

“You need to leave.” His voice was strict, only fueling her confusion. 

“But I just got here…�� 

“Doesn’t matter. You have to go and you cannot come back here.” 

“I don’t understand, what’s going on? Why am I not allowed to see my friends?” 

“Do yourself a favor and just go. Don’t cause a scene. Please, leave.” 

*

Jungkook was lazily scrolling through his emails when suddenly one caught his eye. 

“I got an email that someone logged into my iCloud.” He mumbled, making Hoseok and Jimin look up from their phones. 

“Didn't you get the notification on your phone?” 

“No…but my phone did ask me to log in again, oddly enough.” 

“Hm technology is weird like that sometimes.” Hobi mumbled. “But it’s still kind of odd and you should definitely let someone know so they can look into it.” 

"It was on the day I broke up with…” His eyes scanned the mail. “But the login happened hours before.” 

“Do you think it was Yina?” Jimin’s eyes were wide in shock. “But how could she have known before you talked to her?” 

Jungkook’s teeth dug deep into the soft flesh of his lip - Jimin’s words had struck a nerve.

He had wondered before how she had known where she would find him and y/n. How did she find out? He didn’t make the first move, she had already been there when he came back to the room. 

“It says it was in Gangnam…not far away then.” Fingers kneading his chin, nails puncturing his skin, he tried to recall everything that had happened that day. 

He had talked to Ha-na and Jimin after practice, remembering how worried y/n had been before they arranged to meet. He had met Yina in the hallway further away from the practice room, near his studio but there was nothing that would have given him away, there had been no sign that she was upset when he saw her that day. 

“I don’t think it was her; I know her, she wouldn’t do something like that.” 

“You can’t be sure about that, Jungkook. She was hurt and maybe that was her way of seeking revenge after you broke her heart.” 

He swallowed hard at Hoseok’s words; as much as he wanted to believe that Yina wouldn’t do this, his brother was right. He brutally ripped out her heart and smashed it into a million pieces. It would only be fair for her to do something equally as bad to him and make him suffer. 

He was wishing that there was a way he could get in contact with her, but he was sure that she wouldn’t want to speak to him anyway, not after everything he had put her through.  

“Let the managers know, they can look into it.” 

He nodded when a sudden knock on the door caught his attention. 

“I’ll get it.” Their manager left the kitchen, where he was making a grocery list for a company employee to stuck up the supplies. 

“We should order some food, I’m starving.” Jimin groaned, stretching out his arms before rubbing his tummy with a tortured expression on his face. “What do you want to eat? We’ll let you pick Kookie since your day is pretty shit.” 

The black-haired boy scoffed. “Thanks but I don’t really feel like eating…” 

“Jungkook-ah you need to eat.” 

“But I’m not-…” He went quiet, the familiar voice of y/n faintly reaching his ears. “Am I dreaming?” He whispered but his brothers both shook their heads, not moving an inch to avoid making any noise. 

“I don’t understand, what’s going on?” Instantly his eyes filled with tears, his heart cracked; she sounded so lost and confused. Too weak to fight the urge, he slowly got up from the couch, fully prepared to Naruto-run past his manager to finally hold her in his arms again. Everything would be so much easier to handle if she was around; they would just go through it together like they always did. Nothing could come between them, not his boss or managers, not his hyungs or even the fans; they were destined to be together and he was willing to fight anyone who tried to keep him away from her. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I have to see her…” 

“Jk! No!” Hobi grabbed his wrist, pulling him back down. 

“Please, please, please!” He begged his older brother, trying to persuade him to let him go but he just wouldn’t let go of his wrist, the pressure making his skin tingle. 

Hoseok looked at the maknae squirming, trying to wrench his arm from his grasp - his big doe eyes were swimming in tears again, lips quivering trying to hold back from throwing a tantrum. 

His heart hurt for his little brother, as much as he condemned his actions and the mess he got them into, he could tell how badly he needed her and deeply in love he was - Jungkook never begged for anything and him begging to see her was all that he needed to ever so lightly loosen the hold he had on his wrist. 

“You heard her, hyung! She doesn’t even know what’s happening. I just want to see her, please let me go see her so I can explain it to her. She needs to hear it from me. Please…” Jungkook’s weak voice gave out when he looked up, Taehyung was standing in the doorway, tears streaming down his cheeks at the desperate pleading of his best friend outside the apartment and the manager’s strict orders for her to leave. 

“Taehyung-ah.” Jimin leaned over the back of the couch to take his hand, wanting his best friend to know that he wasn’t alone and could seek comfort with him whenever he needed to but before he accomplished his mission, the younger boy had run back down the corridor, slamming the door to his room shut. seeking the comforting arms of his girlfriend. 

Only seconds later, Sejin walked into the living room holding two big bags in each hand. 

“Here’s some food, can’t let you starve while you’re basically locked in here.” He patted Jungkook’s shoulder, whose face showed no emotion, in order to prevent the breakdown he felt building up inside his chest. Blinking the tears away, his pupils dilated as they scanned the bags on the table. “Y/n brought food over…” 

“What?” Hoseok asked, who was already busy pulling all the takeout boxes out to place them neatly on the table for the members to grab. 

“Nothing, hyung.” He stood up but didn’t move, eyes still resting on the logo on the bag. 

“Funny, it’s all your favorite foods, Jungkookie.” The older boy mused as he inspected the contents of yet another container. 

“Yeah, funny. I’ll go get the others.” But he didn’t, instead, he made his way to small bathroom, tightly locking the door behind him. Sitting down on the floor, he pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. 

He didn’t want to cry but the tears kept prodding at the corners of his eyes; her voice still echoing in his mind. She didn’t know what happened, and no one cared enough to tell her; they just cut her off and forced him to do the same. Jungkook didn’t care much about his image at this point, he didn’t care that people had watched those videos - they all had made up their mind about him anyway. All he wanted now was to protect her, to make sure she was okay. 

“I’ll have to find a way to talk to her…” He mumbled, resting his forehead against his knees while his fingers traced the engraved silver plate on his wrist. He wouldn’t give up so easily, even if it got him into more trouble. 

* 

“Take more, there’s plenty left. Tae needs to eat.” Jimin placed another box on top of the two Ha-na was already holding. 

“No, no! I’ll come to get more if we’re still hungry.” She gave the boys a weak smile before heading back to her boyfriend’s room. He refused to leave it, not wanting to see Jungkook sitting amongst the others like a sad little puppy after committing the ultimate betrayal. 

Ha-na closed the door with her foot, eyeing her boyfriend as he laid on the bed, hugging his body pillow extra tight, face buried in the tear-stained fabric. 

“Tae, I have some food.” She set the boxes down on the small table while he slowly moved into an upright position to inspect the boxes. 

“I don’t want it.” He said, lying back down instantly and turning his back towards her. Earlier this morning, he had been a lot more vocal about his pain, giving it a lot more room to breathe. But now he was in a phase where he’d cry and then start mumbling angrily, sometimes boxing the mattress. She pulled the chopsticks from her pocket, taking a seat next to him. 

“And why not?” 

“Read the fucking label on the box.” 

“Choi Go Zip and what is that supposed to tell me?” Ha-na tilted her head in confusion, pushing her bangs from her eyes with the back of her hand. “Somebody from the staff went and got food for all of us. Tae, baby - I know you’re hurting right now but we’re all trying our best in this situation.” 

He turned to lay on his back, a scowl playing on his lips. “It’s where y/n works, no staff member went to get the food for us.” 

“How do you know?” 

“She was here, I heard her talking to Sejin when I went to get water.” 

“What?!” Her voice was high pitched, making her boyfriend flinch. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“Yes, it does. Did you talk to her?” Taehyung shook his head, crossing his arms over his face. 

“No, I didn’t.” He tried hard to sound cold, pretending like he didn’t care but his trembling lips were giving him away.

“Why not?” 

“I-I couldn’t stand the thought of looking at her.” 

“Oh Tae.” Ha-na laid down next to him, wrapping her arm tightly around his waist. “I know she fucked up, but she is still your best friend. You can’t just leave her hanging like this, baby.” 

He shook his head, more tears rolling down his cheeks. “What she did…it’s not what friends do. As far as I’m concerned, she’s not my friend anymore.” 

Pulling herself up a little, she pressed soft kisses to his cheeks. “I know, you don’t really mean that.” 

“She lied to me, Ha-na” He blubbered, turning his body around in her embrace to bury his face against her chest. “They both did. For months.” 

Her fingers gently played with his hair, trying to calm him down, his whole body shaking from the overwhelming amount of emotions that were rushing through him. 

“Tae, I told you weeks ago that there was something between them..”  She paused, trying to choose her next words very carefully. “Baby your heart is too big for your own good, you always want to believe that people are good, especially your friends. You’re the opposite of the grinch, you feel too much.” 

He chuckled against her skin, the vibrations of his deep voice giving her goosebumps.

“You know there will come a time when you’ll need your best friend, nobody can replace her. You have been friends since you were little kids, so please baby, take all the time you need to heal but don’t write her off just yet.” 

He didn’t say anything, only inhaling shakingly. She knew he was being stubborn out of anger; being lied to by the people you trust is heartbreaking but he needed time, time to process and sort through his feelings - eventually he would come around, he loved y/n too much to just drop the friend who had stuck by his side for so many years. But then again, she wasn’t going to force him to talk to her if he didn’t feel ready to face her, he would know when the time was right to take a step towards mending the broken friendship. 

 “How am I supposed to ever trust them again?” He croaked; her arms around him tightening, afraid she might crush him. 

“Baby I don’t know and you won’t know until you decide you’re ready to speak to them.”

Ha-na opened her eyes, taking a few seconds to realize that she had fallen asleep trying to comfort her boyfriend, who was now sleeping soundly snuggled up against her side. Irritated by the repeated buzzing noise coming from the nightstand, she blindly reached for the phone - it was Taehyung’s. She pressed the home button, a picture of herself staring back at her that he had taken by the river a few weeks ago. 

y/n - 8 missed calls 

y/n - 13 messages Maybe it was wrong and maybe he would be mad at her for doing this but she quickly entered his passcode to unlock the phone and check the unread messages. 

[y/n - 7:05pm] Tae, what’s going on? Why did your manager sent me away and told me to not come to the dorms anymore? Can you please tell me? Because I don’t understand. 7:45pm Why aren’t you answering me? Are you mad at me? If I did something, can you please tell me?

9:27pm Taehyung? Please talk to me?  Ha-na had read enough, feeling bad for the girl she had harbored a lot of bad feelings towards the past weeks when the phone vibrated in her hand again. 

Now you’re leaving me on read? What have I done? 

She put down Tae’s phone and picked up her own from the side of the bed. She was aware that Taehyung would feel betrayed when he found out what she was about to do but she just wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she kept quiet - leaving y/n in the dark like the rest of them.  

[Ha-na - 10:38pm] Y/n, it was me! I read your texts. Can you meet me at Jamwon Hangang Park? At the spot where we took you on your first weekend in Seoul. I’ll explain everything to you. 

Carefully she climbed out of bed, making sure Tae was tucked in and hugging his pillow, hoping he wouldn’t wake up while she was gone. 

On her way out she passed by Jungkook’s room, through the closed door she could hear a sad song playing, every once in awhile sobs reached her ears. Her heart wrenched in pain; the little one was suffering from the consequences just as much as everyone else. Sometimes Jungkook could be a little naive but he had a good heart and a good head on his shoulders; despite his previous actions. With a sigh, she left the apartment and was greeted with the fluorescent lights in the hallway and a bunch of security guards.

“Where are you going?” One of them inquired. 

“Not that it is any of your business but I couldn’t sleep so I’m taking a walk.” To Ha-na’s surprise, he nodded, marking her as absent on a list. 

“Be safe, Miss.” He bowed his head, making space for her to get to the elevator.

It was odd to be surrounded by so many people that were just making sure no fans or press would get inside the building; normally the community was a safe place, people couldn’t just get in but BigHit didn’t seem to believe that people weren’t going to try to get in at any cost, whether it was bribing guards or climbing over fences. 

Quickly she walked up the stairs that would lead her onto the second level and to the exit closest to her destination. 

Ha-na got to the park earlier than expected, for a while she sat on one of the yellow stones by the water, the cool air comfortably expanding in her lungs and clearing her head after being cooped up in Taehyung’s room all day. 

This morning when she woke up, she had not expected the day to completely turn upside down the way it did. And although she had taken care of Taehyung all day, she couldn’t possibly fantom how any of the boys were feeling. 

Sure, it was hard to see her boyfriend so upset, but not knowing how the whole situation would turn out for them was emotionally draining and nerve-wracking. A feeling of helplessness stirred up inside of her; she really wanted to do something to help but every single idea that popped into her head seemed silly when she gave it a second thought. 

Occasionally during the day, she had checked social media just to see what people were saying, and it wasn’t good. She just wanted all of them to stay off the internet while this was going down; the mean and degrading comments towards Jungkook would hurt all of them - he was still their little brother who they loved and adored. 

Something told her that she wasn’t the only one thinking that it might have been Yina, who somehow got a hold of these videos and published them to make Jungkook pay for cheating on her for months on end. There was no denying that it sounded reasonable but Ha-na had a gut feeling that this wasn’t the case - Yina once had been someone she would spend time with, especially when the boys were away, and the girl never struck her as someone with malicious intentions; her love for Jungkook was pure - she had not been in it to gain something from him or the people he knew. She pulled her phone from her pocket - she just had to try, maybe this was the one thing she could do to help. 

[Ha-na - 11:16pm] 

Yina, I hope you’re doing okay, giving the circumstances! I’m sure, you’ve seen what’s happening. I just wanted to ask if you had anything to do with this? I won’t tell anyone, I just need to know. 

She puffed up her cheeks; she probably wouldn’t get an answer but she just had to stay positive. No matter what Jungkook had done to her, she knew that deep down Yina was a good person, who might have just acted on an impulse out of anger. 

Slowly Ha-na got up, letting her eyes wander up and down the little winding pathway for bikes before crossing it to sit on the bench where she and Tae had taken y/n on her first weekend in Seoul to eat chicken and drink beer while watching the lights of Banpo Bridge. Why did everything have to change? A few months ago things were perfect, everyone was so happy and now careers were ruined and relationships were breaking apart, trust was lost and too many tears were being shed. 

* 

It was dark and cold; the wind blowing in her face made her eyes tear up but she had to keep running. Her footsteps echoed loudly on the pavement, as she finally reached the part of the park where the poppy’s bloomed in spring. 

“Not far…” Stopping for a few seconds, she rested her hands on her knees, panting heavily. “Just keep going…” Sharply sucking in a breath, she sprinted the rest of the way, where she spotted Ha-na sitting on a bench near the riverbank, lost in thought. 

“Sorry, I had to sneak out, my brother was still awake.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Ha-na’s smile was weak, in the darkness the worry that was painted all over her face, made her look incredibly tired. “Come sit.” She patted down on the spot next to her. 

“Ha-na…” Almost eerily her name left her mouth, facing her best friend’s girlfriend. “What’s going on? I’m so confused…yesterday everything was fine and now, nobody is talking to me anymore.” 

“You really don’t know, huh?” 

“Know what?” 

“Haven’t you watched the news or were you online at all today?” 

She shook her head. “No, I was at work and when I got home, I had to make dinner for my brother and I was kind of preoccupied with being worried about why Jungkook isn’t speaking to me.” 

“Y/n…” Ha-na took the inside of her cheek in-between her teeth, letting her eyes wander over the black water of Han River, taking a little while to decide on how to say what she had to tell her. “Someone, we don’t know who… leaked videos of you and Jungkook…” 

“What? What videos? Did someone follow us?” Her heart crashed from her chest down into her stomach, chortling awkwardly in the abyss. 

“No, the videos you two filmed having sex…” 

All the color disappeared from her face; the contents of her stomach wanting to force its way out of her mouth. “No..no…this can't be happening.” Her nails dug into her scalp. 

“Y/n, I’m sorry but that’s why Jungkook isn’t talking to you.” Carefully she rested her hand on the other girl’s thigh. “They confiscated his phone and he’s not allowed to contact you. They want to avoid the press finding out more or worse seeing you together.”

“Is he okay?” 

“He’s very upset that he can’t see you..” She trailed off, keeping her eyes on the girl next to her, who went silent as tears dripped down her cheeks. 

Wrapping her arms loosely around herself, she just stared at her knees wishing that the tears would stop but they didn’t.

“Ha-na, I-I don't know how all of this started…Taehyung introduced me and I was just…head over heels from the start. It was like I didn’t have to search anymore…I found my soulmate…” 

Ha-na tilted her head, brows furrowing together; Jungkook had used similar words before to describe how he felt when he saw her. Maybe there was a chance that they both instantly felt a deep connection that couldn’t be explained. 

“I really tried to stay away from him, I swear. I didn’t want to get between him and his girlfriend and I know I should have waited until he broke up with her but I was so in love that I just stopped caring about what’s right. I just wanted to be with him and that was all that mattered to me. He promised me so many times that he would break up with her and although he never kept any of them, I still believed him because I just love him so much, more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I didn’t care that it hurt me as long as I had him. I can’t even tell you why we filmed those videos, I know it was stupid but it was all we had when we couldn’t be together and I was the one who initiated it. So it’s all my fault that he is in trouble.” Her hand balled into a fist, before repeatedly hitting against her forehead. “I’m so stupid, I should have known better… stupid, stupid, stupid.” She whined over and over with each word increasing the force of her hand. 

“Hey, y/n. Stop that.” Ha-na pulled on her arm, trying to prevent her from hurting herself. “We all know what you two did was wrong but people do stupid things all the time. We can’t turn back time, the damage is done- all we can do now is try to fix th-” 

“Tae knows, doesn’t he? That’s why he’s not talking to me.” She blurted out, interrupting Ha-na mid-sentence like she didn’t even listen to any of the words that left her mouth. “I know I was doing something really bad when I had to start lying to my best friend. Oh god.” 

“Yes, he knows now and he is really hurt and angry with you, not just with you, with Jungkook too.” She explained, her fingers lacing with y/n’s. “But I’m sure, he will forgive you. You know Tae, he can be stubborn when he gets into his head too much but he always comes around.” 

For a little while Ha-na just let her cry, she now had to process what everyone else had tried to do all day. 

“Ha-na…” She hiccuped, wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her jacket. “Do you think I can talk to the company and tell them that I will take all the blame? I’ll tell them that I took one of the videos without him knowing and made him take the second one. I’ll just lie and say I lost my phone and the person who found it, did that to us. I don’t want Jungkook to be upset. It’s all my fault.”

“He would never let you do that, y/n.” 

“I know but if you don’t tell him, I can just do it in the morning. I’ll go there right now and wait for someone to show up.” 

“And what good would that do, hm?” Ha-na chuckled at the ridiculousness of her words, waiting for an answer but she came up short. “The company is taking care of it. They have people trying to find who did this. You can’t take the fall for it when both of you are responsible.” 

“But he worked so hard and I’ve ruined it all.” 

Ha-na turned around, grabbing harshly onto her shoulders to force y/n to look at her. “You haven’t ruined it all, stop saying that. If he didn’t want to film those videos, he wouldn’t have done it. Jungkook is not a baby, he knew what you guys were doing was reckless and so unbelievably stupid. Let the company deal with it, in a week nobody will be talking about it; another scandal will pop up and people will forget that Jungkook is a normal human being who has a sex-life. It’s not the end of the world, it will all be fine.” Ha-na heard the words leaving her mouth, but it felt like someone else was saying them. Everything inside her was screaming that it wouldn’t be so easy; that it wouldn’t be forgotten in a week but her heart couldn’t handle seeing the girl in front of her falling apart and wanting to make irrational decisions to protect the boy she loved. 

Ha-na checked her phone; it was almost 2 in the morning - tomorrow would be another long day. She stood, facing y/n where their ways would part for the night. 

“Promise me, you’ll stay off the internet for a while and take care of yourself.” 

Y/n gave her a weak smile. “I promise and you’ll text me if anything happens.” 

“Of course, I’ll tell you all about Kookie’s day.” She winked, hugging her extra tight. 

“Tell him that I love him, okay?” 

“I will.” Watching as she walked away, Ha-na couldn’t shake the bad feeling that was trying gnaw its way into her mind. Y/n was smiling through the pain, trying to be strong because breaking down wasn’t going to make the situation any easier. 

Ha-na reached the dorm a little later, after enduring endless security procedures before she could finally get back into bed. Some of the reporters were still prowling the streets around the fenced-in community, hoping they would find any more dirt on the matter. 

Slipping off her shoes in the entryway, she quietly tiptoed through the apartment. 

“Is he still awake?” She muttered under her breath when she stopped in front of Jungkook’s room, the crack from underneath the door indicating that the lights were still on as well as the music but the sobs had subsided. Quietly she opened the door to find the youngest sleeping on his bed. 

“Wasting all this energy.” Shaking her head, she switched off the ceiling light, before turning off the Bluetooth speaker on his nightstand; deciding she’d leave on the fairy lights above the headboard. 

Jungkook’s face was puffy from crying himself to sleep, the pillowcase still stained with tears, making her heart feel heavy. She had just wanted for him to do the right thing and now that he had finally done it, karma was lashing out at him - taking away the things he loved. He talked about soulmates and so did y/n, but Ha-na was a strong believer in people getting what they deserved yet she wasn’t sure if karma wasn’t being too harsh on the young boy with the big doe eyes. 

She pulled the duvet over his sleeping form, gently stroking his hair as his lashes fluttered at her touch. 

“Get some rest, little one.” She whispered, his lips parting in an o-shape as he sighed contently. “Everything will be okay, y/n still loves you.” 

* 

Yoongi and the others were sitting at the kitchen table, talking and drinking wine to forget how bad their day had been. The maknae had disappeared into his room after talking to their boss in the morning, wanting to be alone - sending away anyone who tried to comfort him. 

“I will never understand, why they thought it was a good idea to film themselves having sex…” Hoseok took a big gulp from his glass. “I thought we taught Jungkookie better than this.”  

The leader sighed, rubbing his temples with his fingertips. “They were kissing fire and now we all got burned.” 

“What do you mean, hyung?” Jimin asked while pouring more wine for his older brothers. 

“I mean, they knew what they were doing was dangerous, -maybe that’s why it was so enticing to them but neither of them stopped to think about the consequences and now we all have to pay. Whether it’s Taehyung being incredibly hurt by his friends lying to him or our image forever being tarnished because of those videos. We all will have to deal with the consequences of someone leaking it. From now on, we will have to be extra careful to ensure our privacy.” 

“Who do you think leaked the video?” Jimin was looking at all of them curiously. 

“Yina, obviously.” The oldest replied. “Jungkook was cheating on her for months.” 

Hoseok nodded. “Yeah, getting cheated on is the worst. I wouldn’t even be mad at her if she did it. If I were in her shoes, I would’ve done the same.” 

“All of you should be ashamed! Gossiping like teenage girls.” Ha-na scoffed suddenly, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

“And you should be ashamed because eavesdropping isn’t nice.” 

“I wasn’t but it’s good to know that you think it was Yina when it wasn’t her.” 

“How would you know?” Jin had a sour expression on his face. 

“Because apparently, I’m the only one who thought of asking her.” 

“You talked to Yina?” Jimin stood up so suddenly that his chair tipped over, forcing Yoongi to catch it before it hit the floor. 

“I did and it wasn’t her.”

“And you really believe her?” 

Yoongi waved his hand, silently telling Jimin to be quiet so Ha-na could speak. 

“Yes, she told me she logged into Jungkook’s iCloud to get the proof she needed that he was cheating on her but she did not save the videos nor did she post them online. She said she was too humiliated; she didn’t want anyone to know that her boyfriend cheated on her.” 

“Makes sense…” 

Ha-na shrugged, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. “We all have brains, sometimes it’s good to use it so it doesn’t get rusty.” Sticking her tongue out, she nudged Jin’s shoulder on her way back. 

It was getting late and Yoongi was loading up the dishwasher before heading to bed himself. 

“I’ll never volunteer to do this again.” He quickly wiped a few water stains off the counter before throwing the kitchen towel next to the sink in defeat. 

He let his gaze wander around the room before switching the light off, the cold floor making him shiver and wanting to get into his warm, comfy bed as soon as possible when he suddenly heard a knock on the door. 

“It’s almost midnight, who….” Yoongi trailed off, waddling to check who had managed to get past security at this hour. 

Suspiciously, he opened the door just a bit to see y/n standing there, her shoulders hanging low, eyes swimming in an ocean of tears. 

“Y/n, you know I cannot let you in, I’m so sorry.” Saying those words made him feel awful, her lips quivering dangerously. 

“Can I at least speak to Taehyung?” 

“He doesn’t want to see you right now…” His voice was straining as he denied the girl any form of communication with the two people she needed the most right now. 

“Can I see Jungkook? Please, Yoongi, just for a minute…” He wasn’t sure if his tired eyes were playing tricks on him but he swore he saw tears falling from her eyes and hitting the marble tiles. 

“I-he will get into trouble if management finds out…” 

“You’re right, I don’t want to cause any more trouble for him than I already have.” She let out a choked sob, turning around to leave and Yoongi knew that he was about to do something stupid. 

Seeing her being just as shaken up as his little brother was too much for him. He had doubted their love; he didn’t believe in soulmates - he did not think this relationship had a real future after hearing bits and pieces from Jimin. But his heart broke for the girl who so desperately wanted to see the boy she loved that she found a way past security in the middle of the night just to see him. 

“Y/n, wait…” He said, stepping away from the door. “Go see him. I don’t know you’re here and I did not open the door for you.” 

“Thank you.” She bowed, closing the door behind her. 

Yoongi watched her walk up to Jungkook’s room, knocking a few times before he finally opened the door. His eyes grew wide and a gasp escaped his mouth when he realized that it was her and not one of his members bothering him again. Almost instantly he reached for her arm, pulling her into his room; a smile tugged at Yoongi’s lips. Maybe had done the right thing after all. 

Jungkook slammed the door shut, his arms tightly wrapping around her- making sure she couldn’t just walk out, not when he needed to hold her so badly. It still felt like he was dreaming, he had lost count of how many times he had imagined seeing her in the last 48 hours. She nestled her face into his soft sweatshirt, inhaling his scent that always seemed to calm her fluttering heart. 

After what felt like an eternity, he pulled away only to cup her face. Peppering soft kisses all over her cheeks to erase the tears that felt like acid against his swollen lips. 

“I miss you so much, baby.” He mumbled, his lips ghosting over hers, reuniting them in an innocent kiss. 

“I miss you too. Not being able to talk to you is the worst.” Her fingers helplessly dug into the soft fabric covering his chest. 

“I know…” Rubbing calming circles on her back - he didn’t want to spend the short amount of time they had crying but as much as he tried to hold it together, he couldn’t and neither did she. Uncontrollably the tears kept falling, mixing with sniffles and shallow breaths in between kisses. 

“I’m sorry, it’s all my fault this is happening.” 

“Noona, no! You know that’s not true.” 

“Yes, it is. If I didn’t…” She wept, looking up at him with so much hurt in her eyes that he felt his heart split in two. “It’s my fault…I made you take those videos..” She buried her face against his chest; Jungkook could feel each sob in his bones. 

“No one is blaming you! We’re in this together, baby, okay?” His arms locked around her torso as he pressed kisses on top of her head. He was clueless, he didn't know what to say to make her feel better when it all weighed heavy on his mind, preoccupying his every thought and draining every ounce of positivity from his body. There was no magical solution; Sejin had told him to just stick it out for now until people got bored but seeing her cry made it so much more difficult. He just wanted to do something; something that would make all the pain, all the headlines and tears go away so they could be together but there was nothing he could do, other than to hold her, to let her know he would never let her go - not even in the darkest of times. 

Suddenly, she pulled away to bring some distance between them. Avoiding his gaze, she focused on the fairy lights, her vision getting blurry. Ha-na had told her not to do anything stupid but she couldn’t help but think that maybe she was the cause of all of this. If she wasn’t in his life then he wouldn’t have to endure the mean comments being made; he would be happy and doing the things he loved without being worried and locked inside this apartment. 

She was ruining his career and everything he had worked for - if she wasn’t around things could go back to normal for him. She would be happy to see him happy, even if it was without her around. 

“Kookie…” His name fell almost inaudible from her lips. “Everything will be okay, right? Promise me you won’t let those people get to you.” 

Jungkook was taken aback, he didn’t quite know what she meant - his brain operating slowly from the lack of sleep and constantly working in overdrive. 

“Promise.” He attempted a weak smile to ease her worries but before he could say anything she turned around.

“I should get going before someone finds out I was here…” 

“No, please don’t go. Just stay the night.” 

“You know that’s not possible.” 

Slowly he followed her to the front door, where she finally looked at him with tears in her eyes. He wanted to reach out to hug and kiss her, not knowing when he would see her again but something stopped him. 

Her heart was wrenching in pain when she bowed to him. “Be well, Kookie! I hope you have a good life.” Carefully her hand slid into the pocket of her jacket, trembling fingers wrapping around the white gold bangle. 

“What?” He asked, panic making his pupils dilate. He didn’t understand - just moments ago she had told him that she missed him. What was happening? He wanted to stand in her way, stop her from leaving but he couldn’t move, his body had turned into stone. Unable to get any part of him to move, he just stood there like a statue even as she reached for his hand, placing the bracelet he had given to her on it. 

“Give this to someone who deserves it more than me.” His insides were screaming, nerves desperately tingling to set his legs in motion but it was too late - the door opened and closed. She was gone. His heart silently breaking in his chest; hot streams of tears cascading down his cheeks in disbelief. Where did this short visit go wrong or had it been her plan all along to come to see him and end their relationship when it had just begun? 

In trance, he walked through the pitch-black apartment and without knocking into the room where he knew he was still loved. Jimin was lying on his back, furiously hitting the buttons on his Nintendo Switch when Jungkook laid down beside him, burying his face in his older brother's side. “What’s wrong?”  “S-she broke up...” He couldn’t bring himself to say it because if he did then there was no going back - he would have lost his soulmate forever. 

Taking deep breaths, she hurried past the two security guards and into the stairwell. Cowering down in a corner, she covered her mouth to silence the sobs that were shaking her entire body. He would be better off without her; all those girls were right she was ruining his life and she wasn’t going to let that happen - after all; if you love someone you should set them free if you’re holding them back. 

[ohblackdiamond]

little t&a (gene/paul, nc-17) (part 25 of 29)

part 1   part 2   part 3   part 4   part 5   part 6   part 7   part 8   part 9   part 10   part 11   part 12   part 13   part 14   part 15   part 16   part 17   part 18   part 19   part 20   part 21  part 22   part 23   part 24    part 25   part 26   part 27   part 28   part 29 

Four weeks before KISS gets back on tour, Gene discovers that Paul’s been cursed by a groupie. For the sake of KISS’ finances, Paul’s comfort levels, and Gene’s libido, this crisis must be resolved. Sexswap fic. In this chapter:  Gene makes a housecall; Paul gets some advice from Ace over the phone.

 It wasn’t a long ride over to that dingy apartment complex.

            Gene didn’t know what he was expecting. The place didn’t look any better in the daylight, and when he got out of the car, he saw his driver reach over his seat and start locking all the car doors. He stepped inside alone, walking the craggy flights of steps up to her old apartment number, knocking on the door in what he knew had to be a useless endeavor.

            He was a little hopeful when a different girl answered. A pretty thing, really, with curly black hair and sad eyes. A really pretty thing, he could tell that even from the scant few inches she opened the door.

            “Yes?”

            “Hey.” Gene paused. “I was here a few nights ago. I was wondering if you had a forwarding address for someone who used to live here, Carol—"

            “Carol left a couple weeks ago.”

            “I know. I’m just trying to find where she went after that.”

            “She didn’t pay her share of the rent.” The girl looked Gene up and down, from the baggy sweatpants to the old floral shirt. “We had to kick her out.”

            “I know, I—”

            “Did something bad happen? Are you with the police or something?”

            “I’m not with the police.” Gene tried to think. If the roommates had kicked her out, then that meant she hadn’t been on the lease, right? The apartment manager would’ve had to have her forwarding address if she had been. Wasn’t that how it worked? “She got into some trouble with a rockstar.”

            “Trouble?” The girl repeated, with more innocence than Gene could readily believe, at first. “She kept trying to hex one. Kathy got pissed when she spilled some offering on the carpet…”

            “Yeah, trouble.” Gene tried to infuse the word with its usual meaning. Babies and under the table payoffs. He couldn’t tell if she took the bait or not. “Can you help me?”

            “Her mom lives in Virginia,” she offered. “She’s not from there, though, I think she’s from… I don’t know, Minnesota or Michigan… somewhere that starts with an M…”

            That was barely better than no help at all. He tried to pay attention as the girl kept trailing off.

            “Her mom’s got scads of money from her dad dying. She helps her out a lot. Carol said if we’d just give her a couple more days, then she’d be good for the next three months. Swore it. Kathy and Bunny wouldn’t have it, though, ’cause between the rent and the occult stuff, she was too wild for us, and—”

            “Do you have her mother’s address?”

            “No. Well…” She pursed her lips, thinking, and then held a finger up. “Let me look around, maybe there’s an envelope…”

            And she scurried back from the door, still leaving it open those few inches as she rummaged around, the door chain keeping him from seeing much of the place at all. He waited, listening to her scuffle across the apartment, rustling through papers, until finally that dark cloud of hair peeked back into existence at the door.

            “No. I’m sorry. Oh, but she used to go to discos! You might wanna check CBGB, or the Ice Pa—”

            “I’ve done it already,” Gene said, and walked away.

--

            No good. It had been stupid to hope for any new insight. If he really wanted to push it, there was the possibility of finding Carol at 54 again tonight, but Gene doubted she’d be there, and he doubted Paul would want to go there again. He wouldn’t leave Paul at home by himself for a venture like that, either.

            Gene had his driver take him to the nearest supermarket immediately after. The driver had weakly offered to take him to a better part of town, but Gene hadn’t cared enough to go those few extra miles for a little more security.

            He’d never really gotten his own groceries. When he was off tour, at home, he ate out more often than not, or he went to his mother’s. She always had a smorgasbord at the ready. Always cooking. Gene remembered that early on during tours, when money was tight, Paul and Peter would take it upon themselves to make dinners for the band—they weren’t great—but at least they actually knew what to get and how to fix it. Gene was pushing his shopping cart through the aisles, looking at rows of dried and canned goods and feeling mildly stumped by the whole affair. He’d never paid much attention to how his mother cooked anything, just the end result, so any comfort food from when he’d grown up was out. But maybe…

            He settled on a few bottles of Tab, since Peter and Ace had gotten into Paul’s supply of them prior, and then some spaghetti noodles and canned tomatoes. That seemed depressing, so he doubled back to retrieve some fresh tomatoes, mushrooms, and onions as well. Maybe it wouldn’t be that great of a follow-up to matzo ball soup, if he ended up getting it, but it was definitely an improvement to eating peanut-butter sandwiches for dinner. Then he got a box of vanilla wafers, a package of chocolate-chip cookies, and a bunch of bananas.

            Gene was nearing the check-out lanes when he felt someone’s eyes on him. He stiffened and stopped, opting not to turn around—it was probably some kid who’d recognized him. Funny how, as long as he’d been with Paul, he hadn’t gotten spotted for who he was once, except on purpose. He pretended to focus all his attention on the label on a bottle of honey, picking it up and inspecting it, waiting for the passerby to either come closer or move on ahead. In a few seconds, he had it—a girl actually scurrying past. A small girl, only carrying a shopping basket and a purse. If he hadn’t caught a glimpse of her pale, freckled face, he wouldn’t have realized who she was.

            Absolutely unbelievable. He had to have expended all his luck over the next three years. Quickly, he pushed his cart to the side and tapped her shoulder before she could make it to the check-out line. She turned around, staring at him, eyes wide and stunned. She tried to take a step back, stopping short of even that movement.

            “Good morning, Carol.”

--

            Paul woke up abruptly. The day’s newspaper was on Gene’s side of the bed, the sections separated and askew. He didn’t bother pushing them aside, just reached over to check the clock on the nightstand, finding the note Gene left behind. He reread it once, twice, trying to ignore the paranoid, curdling sensation in his gut, the idea that Gene might have just gotten tired of him and tried to find a quick exit, at least for awhile. He wouldn’t have blamed him, not after last night. Not after four nights and five days of putting up with him.

            But Gene was bringing him back food. No, more than that, he was bringing him back matzo ball soup and probably a deli sandwich, and whatever Gene thought constituted real groceries. If he was really leaving, he wouldn’t have bothered to specify. Gene must’ve assumed Paul would sleep late enough to start the day with lunch, and, looking at the clock, he hadn’t been too far off. It was fifteen until eleven.

            He sighed, stretching out a bit before getting up and pulling on some clothes. All he had left was the dress he’d bought, the one he’d decided wasn’t nice enough for Studio 54. Just a cream and gold colored sundress. Softer colors than he’d usually have opted for. He picked absently at the thin straps. He never felt more fake than when he was alone, even before all this happened.

            The phone rang before he could decide what else to do, whether to wait on Gene or eat something or waste awhile in front of the T.V. It startled him a little. Ever since Gene had come, he’d rarely been in the house enough to hear it ring. Another cushion from reality.

            He ignored it. It kept ringing. Six times. Seven. Eventually, the answering machine tape started up, and he heard his own, actual voice, another piece of bewilderment.

            “Hey, this is Paul Stanley. If you’ll leave your name and number, I’ll be in touch as soon as I can. Thanks.”

            “Paul, this is Ace, I—”

            Paul grabbed the phone, sudden relief flooding into him.

             “Ace?”

            “Who’s this?” A pause, and then. “Paul?”

            Paul leaned over the answering machine, gingerly unplugging it to keep the tape from running while he spoke.

            “Yeah. Yeah, it’s me.”

            “Sorry I’m late calling. Gene got you back home the other night?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Still not normal yet.” Ace sighed. “What’s she want out of you? You never told me.”

            “Nothing I can’t do.”

            “Virgin sacrifice?”

            Paul froze up for a second, the phone feeling like a rock in his hand. No way had Gene told the guys. No way. It was a moment or two before he could force a small laugh.

            “You’re not too far off.”

            “Shit, do you have to kill someone? Keep the tits, it’s not worth—”

            “No! I—forget it, man. I don’t have to hurt anybody. I can do it.”

            He expected Ace to push for a better answer than that, but he didn’t. God. Ace knew the fate of the whole band sat right on Paul’s shoulders, and yet he didn’t want to ask for a better explanation. Maybe he didn’t give a fuck. Maybe he wanted to go out on his own. Maybe him and Peter were just chomping at the bit to splinter off from the group. Why shouldn’t they? Paul was ruining everything for them just as readily as he was ruining everything for Gene. Paul took a deep breath, tried to convince himself he wasn’t being rational, but the impressions were still wobbling in his brain even when Ace started to talk again.

            “Peter was gonna check on you, but he’s still kinda…” Ace trailed. “So I told him not to worry about it. You okay?”

            “I’m fine.”

            “You really okay?”

            “Yeah, Ace.”

            “Nobody screwed around with you?”

            “Ace, if you want a play-by-play of two nights ago, I’m sure you—”

            “Okay, okay. Just making sure. Pete’s real worried about you.”

            “’M okay.”

            “He lit into Gene for letting you go off.”

            “He shouldn’t have. It was fine.” God. Gene had told him. Or Peter had called the house. One or the other. Paul swallowed. Something about it hurt, almost made his eyes burn. Weird, how that was. Weird how knowing all the guys really did give a shit about him would be enough to nearly induce tears. Maybe he was just that stressed and worn out. He could almost picture Ace’s mild, affable, probably-hungover look, and that helped him blink back anything incriminating.

            “Oh, and you got in the paper, too.”

            “No shit?”

            “No shit. Not front page, but you’re in the entertainment section—”

            Paul scrambled for the newspaper, flipping through the sections. He nearly didn’t recognize his own picture—funny, when he’d been staring at that face for over a week now—but there he was, arm and arm with Gene in a corner photo. Gene’s face was still covered, and Paul was leaning in heavily against him, mouth parted in a strained attempt at a smile. Two days ago. Two days ago and the firmness and warmth of Gene’s hold, the smell of his sweat, all of that had only gotten all the more familiar. All the more something he needed instead of just longed for. Something secure. Something meaningful.

            “Gene got his picture after all.”

            “Huh?”

            “Nothing. ‘Tongue-waggling KISS bassist Gene Simmons cozies up to a Miss Isen at Studio 54,’” Paul read dryly. “They misspelled my name.”

            “You look sweet.”

            “I look awful.”

            “Give yourself some credit. You make a hot chick.” Ace laughed. Not maliciously. Paul didn’t think the guy was really capable of being malicious. He hesitated, running his free hand down his knee, smoothing the material of the dress, before responding.

            “Can I ask you something, Ace?”

            “Sure, Paulie.”

            “It’s a… it’s a thought experiment.”

            “Don’t get all pretentious and shit. I know you dropped out of college.”

            Paul had never been more grateful that he couldn’t see Ace on the other end of the line. He’d have given himself away already otherwise. He swallowed thickly.

            “Ace—this is all just—hypothetical. Let’s say… let’s say you got told you could have what you wanted.”

            “Then I’d wait on the catch.”

            Paul could feel his mouth twitch up into an unwilling, dry smile.

            “The catch is, you could only get it once, and that was it. Just once. Would you still take it?”

            Ace didn’t hesitate.

            “Yeah.”

            “Why?”

            “’Cause I’d rather have something once than never have it.”

            “I’m not like that. If I couldn’t—if I couldn’t keep having something, I’d never—”

            “All or nothing, right, Paul?” Paul could hear Ace rustling something on the other end of the line. Papers, maybe. “You can’t go through life like that, you’ll never be satisfied. You gotta compromise.”

            “You compromise everything.”

            “’M happier for it.”

            “You can’t be. Compromising… it’s just giving up, isn’t it?”

            “No. Paulie—” Ace made a short, weird sound, almost like he was sucking the spit off his teeth. “You always think you’re figuring on the long term, and you’re not.”

            “I am—”

            “You’re not. Hear me out, man. You think there’s any guarantees anywhere? Look at the band—”

            “This isn’t about the band—”

            “’S just an example. We got our big hit. Now what if—what if that’s the best we ever do? Whether you get your dick back or not, what if that’s as good as it ever gets?”

            “That… that can’t happen.” It felt like something was stuck in his throat. This wasn’t how he’d expected this to go, not at all. “We just got really big, it can’t be over that quick. There’s no way. Ace, we…”

            “What if it is, Paul? What would you say?” Ace’s words sped up in a still-lazy rattle. “What if we go bust a year from now?”

            “Don’t talk like that, man.”

            “You need to hear it. This ain’t gonna last any way you slice it, don’t kid yourself.” Paul’s stomach churned as he heard the click of a pop top on the other end of the line, and Ace taking a swig and a swallow. “We’ll wear out our welcome. Maybe we already have. Nobody lasts in music.”

            “Elvis—”

            “Elvis is a joke, Paulie.” Another long gulp. “And if you get past his age, what else d’you got? You got—you got Bing Crosby dragging his own corpse out there every fucking year for his Christmas special. Been wailing out ‘White Christmas’ since World War II. If we’re still playing ‘Cold Gin’ when we’re forty-five, I hope to God someone takes us out back and shoots us.”

            Paul chewed his lip. He felt grimmer now than when he’d picked up the phone, almost distracted out of what he’d really been trying to ask of Ace. Ace, who kept up with weird shit like space shuttles and went on drunken rambles about the aliens who’d made him small. Ace, who he’d assumed was just along for the ride on everything. Paul felt an odd curdling in his gut, something like shame for assuming he and Gene were the only ones who ever thought ahead. For writing off Ace and Peter like their myriad addictions made them stupid.

            “Shit, Ace, you’re usually a little more positive—”

            “’M just trying to make a point here.” Ace blew out a breath loud enough that Paul could hear it over the phone. “If this is as good as it gets, would you say you don’t want it? Would you say you wanted to turn it all back around? Me and you driving cabs? Gene teaching school again? Pete—”

            “No!”

            “Why not?”

            “Because we’re gonna do better than that, that’s why! I-I’ll write whatever crossover songs I’ve got to, we’ll keep on touring, and—”

            “But you don’t know that.”

            “I do know that!”

            “Nah, Paulie. You don’t know that.” Ace let out an odd sound, halfway between a laugh and a sigh. “You’re just betting on it. Ought to bet on something a little more certain.”

            “Like what?”

            “Like Geno getting over you not having tits.”

            “What?”

            “You heard me.”

            “That’s got nothing to do with—did he—shit, what did he tell you?”

            “Jesus, your voice gets real squeaky. Did it always do that?” Ace said it so mildly, as always. Ace couldn’t even bitch properly when Paul had his whole career dangling on the line. “I haven’t talked to him since we came over.”

            “Then—”

            “You’re like a glass of water, Paulie, just see-through. You ain’t fooling anyone. Listen, do what you’ve gotta do. But don’t do it based on anybody but yourself.”

            “I’ll call you back later, Ace.”

            “Okay, girlie.”

            Paul hung up before Ace managed a goodbye on the other end. His heart was thudding harder than ever.

[onceinsomniac]

Snapshots of her life Part 6

Snapshots Of Her Life Part 6

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 7

Jennie was 17 years old when she knew with certainty that she was going to spend the rest of her life with Lisa…

Jennie was woken up from her sleep by a loud excited yelp. She had barely opened her eyes when she felt hands squeezing her cheeks as her face was peppered with kisses. Her hands flailed around, trying to get her attacker of off her. She heard Lisa chuckling as she finally let go of her face, standing up from the bed to grab a tray that she had left on the desk. She grabbed it and went to sit on Jennie’s bed, setting the tray on Jennie’s lap, who was sitting up against the headboard. “Happy Birthday firefly”, she told her.

Jennie blinked the last of her sleep away and looked down at the contents of the tray. There was a huge stack of strawberry and Banana pancakes which were Jennie’s favorite. Next to the pancakes stood the biggest cup filled to the brim with coffee. Normally, Lisa was against Jennie’s severe addiction to coffee but since it was special occasion, she was letting it slip this time. “Do you like it? It took me a long time to perfect the pancakes”, Lisa asked the birthday girl. Jennie looked down at the perfectly cooked pancakes and then turned back to Lisa, arching an eyebrow at her doubtfully, knowing Lisa's ability to burn even water in the kitchen.

She shivered as memories of the last time Lisa tried to cook invaded her mind. It had taken a whole month before they could use the kitchen again.

Lisa simply laughed at the doubt in Jennie’s eyes. “Fine, your mom cooked. But I woke up early to come here and accompany her. Plus, the drawing was all me.” She pointed at the edge of the plate where a crude drawing of a firefly done with whipped cream sat. Jennie rolled her eyes, fighting back a smile at Lisa's antics. “Shut up and eat”, she told her, grabbing one of the forks that sat on the tray. Lisa smiled at her before grabbing the other one and digging in.

After they had finished eating, Jennie looked up at Lisa. “So, how about we spend the day in watching movies?” she asked her. Lisa starred at her in disbelief. “You mean like we do every weekend? I don’t think so. I already have the whole day planned.” She told her. Lisa knew Jennie well enough to know that her birthday wasn’t usually a happy occasion ever since they were outcast by their peers. It made Jennie feel alone, knowing no one else wanted anything to do with her even on this special day and so she’d rather pretend like it was any other day. Lisa, however, refused to let the special day pass without celebration. “And no, before you ask. You don’t have a choice”, she added when she saw her pout.

Lisa took the tray from Jennie’s lap. “I’m going to wash this up, you get dressed for the next part of your birthday”, she told the Jennie, who simply ignored her and continued gulping down her coffee. Lisa rolled her eyes and waited for her to finish before taking the cup away. “Get dressed”, she ordered before leaving the room with the empty dishes.

Jennie reluctantly got up from her warm bed and made her way to her closet. She starred at her clothes for a few minutes before realizing she had no idea what she was dressing for. Lisa returned to see Jennie still starring at her closet. “You never told me where exactly are we going”, she told her, without turning to look at her. Lisa strode up to Jennie, pointedly ignoring her remark. She grabbed a pair of jean shorts and a white shirt before pairing it with a blue flannel and shoving all of it into Jennie’s hands. “Wear this”, she told her as she pushed her towards the bathroom.

Jennie wordlessly let herself be shoved into the bathroom, the door closing behind her with one last shout telling her to hurry up. She quickly changed into the outfit Lisa had chosen for her and put on some light makeup and brushed her teeth. She took one last look at the mirror before pulling her hair up into a ponytail and making her way outside, where Lisa wasted no time before grabbing her by the arm and dragging her downstairs, barely giving her time to grab her phone beforehand.

Both girls entered the kitchen where Jennie was greeted with a big hug and a kiss on her forehead by her mother. “Happy Birthday Jen.” She told her. Jennie started thanking her mom for the pancakes when she was interrupted by a loud groan. Lisa grabbed Jennie’s hand with one hand and her mothers with the other before proceeding to drag them both out of the house. Jennie and her mom simply laughed and let themselves be dragged along, used to Lisa's impatience.

Jennie sat in the backseat, letting Lisa seat upfront while her mom drove. “So, are either of you going to tell me where we’re going?” She was once again ignored as Lisa turned on the radio and started changing the stations, looking for one she liked. Jennie sighted and sat back, deciding to simply enjoy the mystery of the day.

About ten minutes later, Jennie opened her eyes as she felt the car coming to a stop. She looked outside the window and recognized the park they were at. It was one of the only parks in their small town and a place where Jennie and Lisa often rode their bicycles. She got out of the car and finally understood when she saw her mom taking a picnic basket out of the trunk of the car. Lisa smiled excitedly at her before taking her hand and making their way to a large tree in the middle of the park. Since it was early the park was rather empty. They sat in she shade offered by the tree. Her mom started unpacking the basket. There were sandwiches and pasta along with apple juice to drink and a few bars of Jennie’s favorite chocolate for dessert.

“I know how much you love picnics so this is the first part of today”, Lisa told Jennie. She was smiling but Jennie could see the nervousness in her eyes as she waited for her reaction. Jennie smiled at the sweet gesture and leaned in to peck her lips, conscious of her mom sitting right next to them. “I love it, thank you both.”

They spent a few hours in the park, eating and talking and Lisa eventually brought out the soccer ball she had brought and they played a few rounds, even managing to convince her mom to join in for a small, two on one game. It didn’t surprise anyone when Lisa won against both of them. After a while, Jennie’s mom told her she was going to walk back home before leaving the car keys to Lisa. After a few more rounds, Jennie got tired of losing and they both sat down again, Lisa leaning against the tree with Jennie laying on the ground, her head lying on Lisa's lap. They laid there for a while in silence, enjoying the other’s presence. Before long, the park started filling up and Lisa sat up before helping Jennie to her feet. “Come on. We’re going to be late.”

Jennie didn’t know what they were going to be late for but didn’t bother questioning her girlfriend, knowing she would get no answers from her. She followed her back to the car and got into the passenger’s seat. Lisa started the car and started driving towards an unknown destination as Jennie turned on the radio. They held hands over the partition, Lisa driving with one hand. Before long, they arrived at their destination. Jennie immediately recognized the small cinema which usually showed old movies. It was a small place with almost no customers. It was one of the two cinemas in their town and most people preferred the more modern one located inside the mall.

Jennie and Lisa loved the place and where regular customers. “What are we watching”. Jennie asked as they got out of the car and started walking towards the building. “You’ll see”, Lisa answered. They made their way to the counter where Lisa proceeded to make Jennie stand a few feet away as she brough both their tickets so she couldn’t overhear the movie’s name. Afterwards, they went to the candy counter and brought their usual order of one large bucket of popcorn to share with a large lemon soda and a packet of twizzlers, which Lisa was obsessed with, much to Jennie’s disgust. Lisa insisted on paying once again and they quickly got their stuff and walked into the screening room, which was almost empty. Jennie counted 4 people there besides them. They sat in their usual seats up front. Lisa had never understood Jennie’s insistence on sitting so close to the screen but simply went along with it. After the trailers ended, the opening music started and Jennie immediately recognized the movie. It was the breakfast club, her all time favorite movie and the movie they had watched during their first date almost two years ago. She turned to smile at Lisa before taking her hand in hers and turning back to watch the movie.

An hour and a half later, the ending credits started rolling around. Lisa and Jennie made their way outside, throwing their trash away in the trashcan outside the cinema. They walked outside where the air had started getting colder. They quickly got into the car. “Ready for the last part of today?” Lisa asked her. Jennie simply smiled and nodded, excited to see what else Lisa had planned. The car ride lasted a little longer this time and it was already 7:30 by the time the car came to a stop. Jennie was surprised to see Lisa had driven them to a hill. She had never been there before. She got out and got closer to the edge, wanting to see the view. The hill overlooked their whole town and since it was already getting dark, all that could be seen where little twinkling lights far below. It was the most beautiful view Jennie had ever seen. “How did you find this place?”, she asked Lisa, who she just noticed was holding the picnic blanket and a bunch of pillows she hadn’t noticed before.

“I actually found it by accident”, she confessed. “I was walking in the woods one day and kind of got lost and I ended up finding this place. I didn’t tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise.” Jennie laughed at the thought of Lisa managing to get lost in their small town.

Lisa spread the blanket and pillows on the ground before laying down and pulling Jennie down with her. Jennie laid her head on Lisa's chest and Lisa automatically responded by wrapping and arm around her waist, pulling her even closer.

Jennie breathed in the fresh nigh air as she looked up at the night sky. In that moment, she was overcome with how much she loved Lisa. She turned in her arms and leaned up to lay a kiss on her lips, trying to convey how much she meant to her. After a few seconds, she pulled away and rolled her eyes at the smirk Lisa shot her before laying back down and cuddling closer to her. “Thank you for today. I had an amazing time.” She told her. Lisa responded by tightening her grip on Jennie’s waist. “You know I love you, right?” Lisa asked her after a few seconds. Jennie was confused at her shaky voice. It wasn’t like they didn’t tell each other that at least a few times a day. “Of course I do. I love you too.” She said.

Lisa sat up, making Jennie sit up too. She sat cross legged, facing Jennie. Jennie quickly noticed her shaking hands. She was starting to get worried. It was unlike Lisa to be nervous. She was the most confident person Jennie had ever met.

“What’s wrong”, Jennie asked her. “Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to give you your birthday gift”, she told her. Jennie laughed. “You mean this whole day wasn’t my gift?”, she questioned, jokingly. Lisa took out a small, gift-wrapped box and handed it to her.

Jennie ripped the wrapping off and opened the small box. She gasped at the sight of the two small, gold rings that laid in the box. She took one out of the box to take a closer look and saw there was an engraving on the side of the ring. The letters J+L were engraved on one side while a small infinity sign was engraved on the other side. She looked up at Lisa, still shocked into silence.

“I know we are still young and we still have the rest of our lives ahead of us. I’m not proposing we get married anytime soon or anything like that. This is just a promise. The future is uncertain but one thing I know for a fact is that whatever comes next, I want you by my side and that’s something that’s never going to change. So I promise to always be there for you, in whichever way you want me to be, and to always protect you. And one day, when we’re both ready, I will exchange that ring for a more official one.”

Jennie was taken aback by Lisa's gesture. She was overwhelmed by how much she loved Lisa. She threw herself at Lisa, throwing her arms around her and bringing her into a hug. “It’s perfect. You’re perfect.” She told her. Lisa responded by tightening her arms around Jennie. After a few minutes, Jennie broke the hug and pulled Lisa into a kiss. Jennie smiled against Lisa's lips, loving the way every kiss still felt like their first.

Once the lack of air became a problem, they finally pulled away. Lisa took out one of the rings. “May I?”, she asked, signaling towards Jennie’s hand. Jennie nodded and Lisa took her hand and placed the ring on her fore finger with a smile. Jennie took a few seconds to admire it before taking the other one and placing it on the same finger on Lisa's hand.

She looked into Lisa's eyes, wondering what great deed she must have done in a past life to deserve this. “I love you Lili”, she told her. Lisa smiled back at her. “I love you too firefly.”

Lisa threw an arm over Jennie’s shoulder before pulling her back down to their previous position. Conversation was unnecessary as they just wanted to enjoy each other’s presence. They laid there in a comfortable silence watching the stars. It wasn’t until Jennie’s eyes were starting to close and she started to drift off that Lisa woke her and told her it was time to go. They picked up their belongings before making their way back to the car.

They made casual talk in the car. Talking about some book Jennie had been reading and a movie Lisa wanted them to go see next weekend. Before long, they had reached Jennie’s house. They walked towards the house, Lisa using her key to unlock the door. Jennie was surprised to hear a lot of racket coming from the kitchen. Lisa however, looked like she had been expecting it.

She took her hand and together, they walked into the kitchen. The whole kitchen looked like the aftermath of a hurricane. Flour was everywhere and there were a few eggs dripping of the counter. In the middle stood her mother holding a red velvet cake. Jennie’s favorite flavor. Lisa let go of her hand and walked over to stand next to her mother. She grabbed a lighter and lit the candles that sat on top of the cake. “Happy birthday Jen”, her mom told her, smiling. With that, they both started singing happy birthday. Jennie looked at the mess in the kitchen and then looked at the cake her mother had clearly spent a long time making.

It may have just been Lisa and her mother singing her happy birthday in their messy kitchen, but looking down at the ring that sat on her finger and at the huge smiles on both their faces as they both sang horribly off key, Jennie knew she couldn’t have asked for more in that moment.

[purplesurveys]

1052

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - Who was the last person to knock on your door? Were they there to see you? Nina usually knocks briefly in the evening to let me know it’s time for dinner. Other than my ex in the past, I don’t let anyone stay in my room for long. Knocking and peeking into my room is enough.

2 - Have you left the house yet today? If not, do you have plans to leave the house later on? No, as it’s only 10 in the morning and I don’t really have a reason to be out somewhere this early. I might go out to buy presents for more relatives, but that’s only if I feel productive enough today. We’ll see.

3 - What’s your favourite brand of chocolate? What type of chocolate bar from that brand is your favourite? The older I get the more I feel like gagging from the idea of chocolate bars lol; they’re all just so sweet. These days my top three would be Hershey’s cookies and cream bar, Whittaker’s chocolate peanut butter bar, and Twix bars. I also love Reese’s, but they aren’t bars.

4 - Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? Yes, I’ve done this before and I’ve recounted the stories on here multiple times. As for the second question, yeah I technically do? I’ve only met my workmates online so far, so I’m constantly looking forward to the opportunity to finally meet them all in real life.

5 - What was the last thing you used a blender for? I’ve never used a blender. We don’t even own a blender.

6 - Have you ever got into an argument with a stranger on social media? Do you remember what it was about? Yeah, but I don’t even remember what it was about anymore...I do know it was this year, and the person deleted the comment that I replied to not long after.

7 - When was the last time you cracked your joints? Is that something you do often? Now that you reminded me, I just did. I do it at least once a day, whenever my fingers start to feel tight and tense.

8 - What time is it right now? If you weren’t doing a survey, what else would you be doing right now? It is 1:52 PM. I’d be heading to the mall to buy more presents, but I don’t feel like getting out of bed yet. I’d also do embroidery, but my online orders are taking a while to arrive :( My online shopping app says I'll be getting them by Jan 3rd, but the shipping tracker says it’s already being shipped from China to here so I’m looking forward to receiving it this week. I hope that’s the case; otherwise it’ll miss the point of being my hobby this Christmas break.

9 - If you had ten minutes to run around an empty supermarket and fill your trolley for free, what’s the first aisle you’d go for? The fancy meat/fish section. Then I’d go to the condiments/spice section, then frozen food, then chips.

10 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you visit the most and why? YouTube, because I find videos a soothing distraction; Twitter to keep me updated on local and international news; Reddit for quirky posts; and Wikipedia so I can continue learning trivia I’ll never have to use but want to gain anyway.

11 - Has COVID had any impact on your Christmas plans this year? What’s going to change or be different to normal? My dad is home for Christmas this year, which is one silver lining from Covid. But my relatives living abroad who usually fly back to the Philippines for the holidays obviously won’t be able to this year, so we’re not gonna have a packed family reunion like we normally do. Everything else is the same, but I think the biggest thing about this whole thing is that I can barely feel Christmas coming this year. I think it’s going to feel like such a plain Friday this week; and that makes me a little sad.

12 - What’s your favourite flavour of cake? Are you any good at making that kind of cake? My favorite flavor is chocolate, but my favorite kind of cake (which I enjoy a lot more than general chocolate cake) is cheesecake. I cannot make either, nor can I bake at all.

13 - Do you prefer sweet or sour candy? Sweet. I hate any sour foods with a passion lol especially sour candy; it is my absolute least favorite taste. I don’t find anything enjoyable or fulfilling about it.

14 - What colour is your favourite fruit? Is this a fruit you eat often? Already made my feelings for fruit clear on this blog, haha.

15 - Is your favourite restaurant an independent place or a chain? What is it that you love about it so much? It’s a chain, like most popular restaurants here. Independent places are a little hard to come by, to be honest. They make the best katsu I’ve ever had; and I also like that despite being a chain restaurant, the ambience is still quite sophisticated and date-friendly so I always feel like I’m treating myself whenever I eat there.

16 - Are you genuinely a fan of Starbucks or do you think it’s all hype? I personally enjoy everything about Starbucks. I like their coffees, their Frappes, the ambience in their coffee shops, their playlists, and their line-up of mugs and tumblers. I’ve always felt right at home in their shops and out of all the cafés I’ve been to, it’s always their baristas that have been the nicest.

17 - Do you own a Christmas jumper? What design/pattern does it have on it? No, I don’t.

18 - What’s your favourite fit/style of jeans? I was obsessed with mom jeans throughout 2020.

19 - What was the last non-essential item you spent money on? Overpriced coffee and a sandwich.

20 - Are you currently under any COVID-related restrictions where you live? Are people generally following the rules? Public places are super strict with requiring everyone to wear a face shield and face mask; before entering any establishment, people’s temperatures are taken and everyone’s also required to take a contact tracing form. Anyone under the age of 21 still isn’t allowed to go out for the most part, though I think there are some exceptions now because I see kids younger than me already going on out-of-town trips again. Some places that are big on tourism like Sagada, Batanes, and Baguio are still closed off from the public; those that have since reopened, like Boracay, follow strict protocol and everyone going there is required to undergo a swab test. Everyday Filipinos follow the rules; it’s the politicians and police force who don’t, which feels disgusting to say.

21 - What did you last leave the room you’re in to do? A package arrived for me so I had to pay for it. It was the phone case I ordered for my cousin.

22 - Have you ever read any self-help books? Did you find them useful? No. I don’t really believe in that genre, so I never felt pulled to buy a book.

23 - What’s your favourite programme on the Food Network (if you watch it)? If you don’t get that channel, what’s your favourite food/cookery show in general? All things Gordon Ramsay, man. MasterChef, Hell’s Kitchen, and Kitchen Nightmares are all *chef’s kiss* The Great British Bake Off is also great and something I like watching when I want to wind down :)

24 - Do you still watch cartoons? From time to time.

25 - Who do you know with the most number of siblings? Would you ever want to live in a huge family? My grandpa was one of nine siblings, if I’m not mistaken. I’m not sure if I know a bigger set than that. Unless my family was filthy rich, I would not want to have such a big immediate family.

26 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Sure. I tend to ask for others’ too, heh.

27 - Do you own any personalised clothing? What’s the reason for getting it? No, not a fan. Two years ago we had a huge family reunion on my dad’s side and we had to wear these cheesy shirts that said “[Last Name] Reunion” with some cheesy motto at the bottom. My parents hated it, which made me feel better about my own feelings about the shirt lol.

28 - Is anyone else in the same room as you right now? What is that person up to? No, it’s just me here.

29 - What colours are you wearing right now? Does your wardrobe contain a lot of those colours? White, maroon, and scarlet. I have a lot of white and maroon; not so much of scarlet as I find the color too bold.

30 - Do you like adding condiments to your food? If so, what are some of your favourites? Yes. My food always needs to have soup, condiments, or sauces; otherwise I tend to feel the dish is too dry. I like mayonnaise, banana ketchup, hot sauce, and lechon sauce.

--

1 - What have you been up to so far today? Is that a typical thing for you to do on this particular day of the week? I’ve taken a couple of surveys and started binge-watching segments of my newest Korean reality show discovery, 2 Days 1 Night. The breakout actor from Start-Up and the newest love of my life HAHAHA is a cast member on the current season of 2D1N so I’ve been all over the show today. It’s hilarious; I can hardly believe I’m only discovering the show this late.

2 - Did you get a decent night’s sleep last night? How many hour’s sleep do you consider a decent amount? It was around five hours, which isn’t a lot to me. I usually sleep 7-9 hours these days, but I might wreck my body clock during the holiday break because I want to keep being awake and do the things I haven’t been able to do because of work.

3 - What is one silly thing that really gets on your nerves? Seeing pickles in a burger.

4 - Who was the last person you saw who wasn’t family? What did you guys end up doing together? The friendly Starbucks barista from yesterday; her name was Princess. We didn’t do anything lol, she just took my order and was super friendly about it, and she also gave me the Starbucks planner that I chose to redeem.

5 - Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall? Cold. I avoid hot drinks now haha. Ever since I had that incident with the takoyaki, I’ve been too scared to let any hot food or drink touch my mouth.

6 - Do you own a decent set of waterproofs? If so, what do you use them for the most? If not, do you think that would be something you’d find useful? I don’t know what this is referring to, and I’m too lazy to Google right now. I’ve only ever known this word as an adjective, whoops.

7 - Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? Take more surveys, and maybe have another cup of coffee. I’ll also have to get started on a daily report I submit for work every weekday morning so that my load will be lighter tomorrow. Our office is technically on shutdown until January 4th, but some clients require a daily report every day and I’ll have to shoulder that with another co-associate. It sucks, but at least it’s the only thing I’ll have to do for the next two weeks.

8 - How often do you get your hair cut? When hairdressers were closed due to COVID, did you try cutting it yourself at home? I only go to the salon once a year, and I already did it this 2020 when I chopped off my hair and got bangs. Yeah, whenever my bangs start to get too long I either ask my mom to trim them or I do so myself.

9 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Is that different to what you’re wearing at the moment? I walked Cooper half an hour ago and I just stayed in the same clothes I’ve been in all day, which was a tank top underneath an oversized hoodie and a pair of shorts.

10 - Would you rather have a relaxing beach holiday or a more active holiday in the mountains? The beach would be perfect right now, but I think my answer changes every time this is asked and I’m pretty sure I picked mountains the last time HAHAHA. I just realized being in the mountains would give me the same cooped-up feeling I’ve been having from staying at home for such a long time, and it might not be the best and healthiest trip for me...the beach definitely sounds more freeing and therapeutic.

11 - Do you know how to tie a tie? Nah, never learned. I’ve never been good at tying anything up, period.

12 - How old were you when you first had a sleepover at someone’s house? Did you miss home? I was 15 or 16; I’m not entirely sure anymore. Not at all, I was so excited to have been allowed to go to my first sleepover.

13 - How often do you spend time with your extended family? Under normal circumstances, we’d visit my grandma and cousins on my mom’s side once every few months or so. It was pretty regular since they’re just a stone’s throw away. But obviously we’ve since had to drastically cut our get-togethers back, and I’ve only seen them around three times since the beginning of the year. My dad’s family lives pretty far south, so I only get to see them once or twice a year even in pre-Covid days; not much of a difference there.

14 - When you get up in the morning, do you have a set routine? No. I just wake up feeling dread and have no choice but to wait for the weight in my chest to subside.

15 - Do you remember the last time you cried? Were they sad or happy tears? Yesterday in my car, in the mall parking lot. Sad tears.

16 - What do you have planned once you finish this survey? Look for another one. I misseddddd taking surveys and I plan on taking a crap ton of them this Christmas break. I may also be called for dinner, so there’s that.

17 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did you cook from scratch or just heat something up? I dunno if it counts as cooking, but I just made the DIY ramen kit that I received as a Christmas gift from the branch I was originally an intern at. Everything was already prepared in the kit and all I needed to do was boil water for the noodles and prepare the broth. Turned out surprisingly good.

18 - Are you a fan of hot chocolate? Do you like it plain or do you prefer to add things like whipped cream or marshmallows? I love hot chocolate and will order it sometimes, but given my aforementioned fear of hot beverages I always wait for it to considerably cool down hahaha. I like my hot chocolate plain.

19 - What caused your last injury? Cooper’s nails.

20 - How many tattoos and piercings do you have? Do any of them have an interesting story behind them? Just a piercing on each of my earlobes. No interesting stories...yet.

21 - What kind of flowers do you like the best? When was the last time someone bought those for you? I like peonies, though I’m not sure if my ex ever gave me a bouquet that included those.

22 - What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over? I’ve only been with one person and I dated her twice, but I was never the one who ended the relationship either time so can’t really answer this.

23 - Would you rather order a starter (appetiser) or a dessert? Or would you be able to manage a full three courses? Three-course meal, pls. I’ve only experienced it once, when my parents treated me to dinner during my cruise gift for my 18th birthday; it was great and every dish was made amazingly well.

24 - How do you get most of your news, if you pay attention to it at all? I catch the evening news every weeknight because we keep the telvision turned on during dinner. I also get to read articles on social media.

25 - Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet? None that I know of, thankfully. It’s always been someone that a relative knows, but so far none of us have gotten it.

26 - Are you a vegetarian? If so, what persuaded you to stop eating meat? If not, is it something you’d ever consider? No. I have been considering it for years, but I truthfully don’t know if I could give up meat.

27 - Do you prefer rice or pasta? Rice.

28 - Is anything you’re wearing a gift? Who bought it for you? No.

29 - What’s the dominant colour in the room you’re in at the moment? I guess white, since my walls are white and that’s the first thing you see when entering my room.

30 - Did you do laundry yet today? If not, do you need to do any before you go to bed? Not my chore to do, but it was already done a few days ago.