#I dunno but text does say penis. but eh

[sotogalmo]

3:47

Monster (moonscorched) from Fear and Hunger Termina, is the same as Heperu from Alien Stage: resembling a penis

(Alnst funger crossover when,,,)

[isaac-lacey]

Weird tag

So ummm I tag @mikeywrites and @callum-vaughan just pick 10 or so of the questions but you can do all of them if you want 

1: Full name: Isaac Nial Lacey (we don’t speak of my middle name)

2: Age: 16

3: 3 Fears: Spiders, heights and the dark

4: 3 things I love: My boyfriend, food and tea

5: 4 turns on: Dicks, cuteness, awesome personality, sweets (what, you can’t deny, sweets are hot af XD)

6: 4 turns off: Douchey deodorant, non emo, vagina (I’m gay and I have no filter me saying this is a given)

7: My best friend: I don’t really have any friends

8: Sexual orientation: Gay

9: My best first date: Haven’t been on a date (I plan on taking my boyfriend on one when I visit him/he visits me)

10: How tall am I: 176 cm

11: What do I miss: friends

12: What time was I born: 7:32 (I think it was am)

13: Favourite color: Purple

14: Do I have a crush: On my boyfriend yeah

15: Favourite quote: *shrugs* I dunno

16: Favourite place: My bedroom

17: Favourite food: ummm if I had to pick I’d say pizza

18: Do I use sarcasm: nooooo I would never (what do you think)

19: What am I listening to right now: the sounds in my head

20: First thing I notice in new person: their eyes

21: Shoe size: 8 in new Zealand

22: Eye color: my eyes are kinda weird, they’re green/blue with a yellow/brown/gold/orange kinda ring around my pupil

23: Hair color: I’m not sure, light af brown or dark blonde I dunno

24: Favourite style of clothing: anything emo

25: Ever done a prank call? Nope because fuck that, one I would be terrible and 2 it’s scary as fuuuuck

27: Meaning behind my URL: It’s my fucking name

28: Favourite movie: Don’t have one

29: Favourite song: Ummmmm

30: Favourite band: I have way too many

31: How I feel right now: Depressed as fuck

32: Someone I love: My boyfriend Jacob

33: My current relationship status: Taken

34: My relationship with my parents: I think it’s bad, they seem to think it’s good

35: Favourite holiday: Ummmm christmas I think maybe, I get to eat a LOT at christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have: I don’t have any, I do want to get a small tattoo one day though maybe

37: Tattoos and piercing i want: Small rainbow coloured rose

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: writing stuff

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: Well considering he tried to rape me I think that’s a solid yes

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: Yusss from my boyfriend all the time, he’s so sweet

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: I doubt it

42: When did I last hold hands?: Yesterday, I had to babysit my one year old brother and he dragged me outside by my hand

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? It depends, I multi task so it can take ages but also not take long

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? No

45: Where am I right now? In my bedroom

46: If I were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: Not sure

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: It depends how I’m feeling if I’m honest

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? No, they divorced, I live with my mum and step dad

49: Am I excited for anything?: Getting to talk to Jacob

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?: No, like I said I don’t really have any friends

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? All day every day mother fucker

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: Fucking AGES ago, I don’t like human contact, my sister tries to hug me but I don’t let her (most I’ll go for is holding hands with most people)

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: I wouldn’t care

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: No

55: What is something I disliked about today?: Being depressed upon waking up

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: Jacob, in person anyway

57: What do I think about most?: Jacob

58: What’s my strangest talent?: I don’t really have anything I’m good at

59: Do I have any strange phobias?: *shrugs*

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: Behind usually but I’m ok with being in front of it every once in a while

61: What was the last lie I told?: Well I told my brother (the oldest one I have that is still younger than me) that I was ok with him (I really don’t like him)

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? It depends who with, all calls make me nervous as fuck, I mostly video call with Jacob but with anyone else regular call if I can even manage that

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: Nope

64: Do I believe in magic?: Eh

65: Do I believe in luck?: Nope

66: What's the weather like right now?: warm outside

67: What was the last book I've read?: Dripping gold

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: Ew no

69: Do I have any nicknames?: Izzy and Zac, I like to go by Izzy to most people

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had?: *shrugs*

71: Do I spend money or save it?: *shrugs*

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?: Nope

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?: ummmm not that I can see

74: Favourite animal?: Dog maybe

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: watching anime

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: *shrugs* tf kinda question is this?

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: anything by paramore

78: How can you win my heart?: buy me food

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?: ‘little shit that had no friends, loved his boyfriend more than anything, is emo trash even in death’

80: What is my favorite word?: Nervosa

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: @elliewants2write @glorious74 @mikeywrites @koalamuffins and @tru-problems-of-a-bitch

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: Fuck off

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: I dunno maybe

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: Telekinesis

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: I dunno

86: What is my current desktop picture?: It’s literally just a black screen

87: Had sex?: Nope

88: Bought condoms?: No

89: Gotten pregnant?: Considering I have a fully functioning penis and not a fully functioning vagina I’m pretty sure I haven’t

90: Failed a class?: Nope

91: Kissed a boy?: Yes

92: Kissed a girl?: When I was 8

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: No

94: Had job?: Kinda

95: Left the house without my wallet?: Yes

96: Bullied someone on the internet?: Hell no

97: Had sex in public?: No

98: Played on a sports team?: Fuck off hell no eww

99: Smoked weed?: Nah

100: Did drugs?: Nah

101: Smoked cigarettes?: Nope

102: Drank alcohol?: Yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: No

104: Been overweight?: No

105: Been underweight?: yes

106: Been to a wedding?: a couple times

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: just 5 hours? Hell yeah, I’ve been on for 8 hours straight, in fact more than that

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: Yeah ages ago, I wouldn’t do it now though

109: Been outside my home country?: Yus

110: Gotten my heart broken?: Nah

111: Been to a professional sports game?: Eww no

112: Broken a bone?: No

113: Cut myself?: Many times, still do sometimes

114: Been to prom?: Nope

115: Been in airplane?: Yes

116: Fly by helicopter?: Nope

117: What concerts have I been to?: Nope

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: Obviously

119: Learned another language?: Trying to

120: Wore make up?: Yes

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: No

122: Had oral sex?: No

123: Dyed my hair?: twice so far

124: Voted in a presidential election?: Nope

125: Rode in an ambulance?: Nope

126: Had a surgery?: Nope

127: Met someone famous?: I think so

128: Stalked someone on a social network?: Eh kinda

129: Peed outside?: *shrugs*

130: Been fishing?: Yes, a couple times

131: Helped with charity?: Yus

132: Been rejected by a crush?: Yus

133: Broken a mirror?: Yes

134: What do I want for birthday?: I dunno

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?: I dunno and I dunno

136: Was I named after anyone?: Not to my knowledge

137: Do I like my handwriting?: Eh

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?: I dunno actually

139: Favourite Tv Show?: Don’t have one

140: Where do I want to live when older?: *shrugs*

141: Play any musical instrument?: Nope

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?: I stepped on a nail

143: Favourite pizza toping?: Hmmm not sure

144: Am I afraid of the dark?: Yes

145: Am I afraid of heights?:Yes

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?: Umm yes

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: Yes

148: What I'm really bad at: Life

149: What my greatest achievments are: ...

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: *shrugs*

151: What I'd do if I won in a lottery: *shrugs*

154: Something I fantasise about: *shrugs* not sure

152: What do I like about myself: Nothing

153: My closest Tumblr friend: Probably @mikeywrites

[theliterateape]

The Primary Reason I Didn’t Vote in the Illinois Primary

By David Himmel

“The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.” —U.S Code 176

I didn’t see the usual “I VOTED” stickers from my darling and my annoying social media friends on Super Tuesday III—as MSNBC was calling it in further effort to make the news feel like a Rocky film. That is due in part because I didn’t spend much time on social media yesterday. I couldn’t afford that time. I was busy with other stuff. But it also could be because a lot of those social media friends didn’t vote, and if they did, things are so goddamn dour now that bragging about running an errand wasn’t worth the energy it takes to frame, filter, and post a pic proving your citizenship.

I also didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary on Super Tuesday III—again, MSNBC’s title for a voting day because MSNBC is run by dorks who get hard and wet over the most mundane but important aspects of American life.

Yep. I’m that guy. I’m that guy who didn’t vote in the most important primary of our lives. Right? That’s what this is, right? Eh. I’m also that guy who is married to a woman who didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary on Super Tuesday III. 

Allow me to digress… Okay, look, I realize that MSNBC didn’t create the Super Tuesday III moniker, but that was the channel my wife had on most of the day as we were holed up in our apartment trying to dodge COVID-19. And I dislike MSNBC almost as much as I dislike FOX News, so I’m easily coerced by my own ego—maybe my id, I don’t know—to take a barely clever shit on its dumb, smug face whenever I can.

Now, back to the important thoughts… I’m that guy who didn’t vote. And I’m that guy whose wife didn’t vote. And I fully expect friends of ours, friends like Rory Zacher to comment on this story or its Facebook post, or to text me and say something to the effect of: “I hope Trump comes into your home, grabs your two-year-old-son by the pussy and builds a wall around your toilet. That’s what you get for not voting.” And that’s fine. Because my son doesn’t have a pussy. Just ask him. He will proudly tell you he has a penis and that “Mommy penis… bye-bye.” And that reminds me… I need to teach my son that a penis is not something that all people have then goes “bye-bye.” That’s sexism. And it only applies, respectfully, to rich trannies.

I’m a politico. I even write and host podcasts for POLITICO. But I didn’t vote. Why? Well, duh…

The primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary yesterday—Rachel Maddow’s third best orgasm of 2020—is simple: It wasn’t important.

My vote would not have mattered. Nope. I don’t want to hear it. It wouldn’t have mattered. I would have chosen a Democratic Ballot. Between the job, trying to keep Literate Ape functioning, missing Don Hall like the deserts miss the rain, being an engaged dad and attentive husband, and thinking through two film projects, one novel, and a book of poetry, I did not have the bandwidth to consider those down-ballot elections. I like to think of myself as non-partisan. I would easily vote republican if I thought a republican candidate could do the job right. But if I had voted today, I would have asked for a Democratic ballot, which means I would have ben voting for the best of the most useless so-called liberal. Maybe there were general contests to vote for, I don’t know. Because I mostly don’t care. And I’ll come back to that in a moment. As it relates to voting for the president, well… I’d prefer Bernie. But, if Old Joe Dementia gets the nomination, that’s fine. I know Bernie won’t get done all he wants to get done because he’ll never have the support of Congress required to do it. See, the thing that most people forget is that the president is designed to be the Face, not the Ruler. It’s Congress that makes the difference. And come the general election, I’ll likely vote Democrat all the way down. Except for judges. But that’s a complicated story for another time.

 The primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary yesterday—Rachel Maddow’s third best orgasm of 2020—is simple: It wasn’t important.

So even I had voted, it wouldn’t have mattered. Some excited wank aligned with the Democratic Party would be elected over an equally excited wank aligned with the Democratic Party. And then it’ll be a fight to the finish against a republican cocknozzle who wants to be as (un)cool as Devin Nunes. And my vote for Bernie, and my wife’s vote for Bernie, would not have helped keeping him from getting trounced the same way the Houston Astros trounced the rules of baseball. Thing is, if I had voted, I’d feel far more disappointed than I am right now. And you should know, dear reader, that my secondary goal in life is to master disappointment. The first goal is to convince myself, my wife, and every girlfriend I’ve ever had that I was worth the lay.

Yeah, yeah, Zacher, I know, I could have early voted. And I thought about that. “Maybe we should do that,” I said to my wife, Katie. Or maybe she said it to me. But we didn’t. Why? I dunno. Because this primary didn’t matter much in our household, I suppose. And that’s selfish, I know. But we’re white and not broke, and we own a boat, and we have so many friends who can afford in vitro and all that shit—like multiple times, all of them—so what the fuck do you expect from us?

So, the primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary is because it wasn’t important. And not just because I don’t care about the flawed system or the sub-basement candidates. But because when I considered the risk of casting a vote for one fuckhead over another at risk of contracting COVID-19, I chose to stay home and have Zoom meetings with co-workers.

But here’s the other thing—that goddamn coronavirus. Yep. I’m not afraid, but I’m not an idiot. I’ve been a healthcare journalist to varying degrees for ten years. I was the editor in chief of Chicago Health magazine for six years. I’m a senior healthcare reporter for POLITICO. I’m not bragging (should I?), I’m just setting the stage to tell you that I’m not an everyday idiot. I’m a special kind of idiot! I recognize this shit is real. It was real the moment it left Wuhan. And really, it was real the moment it left the bat and made its way into the first human, or however the fuck this goddamn thing began.

Katie was sick on Sunday. A slight fever, which dropped quickly, was not the great concern. The great concern was her hydration because she was—how can I put this politely—shitting out of her mouth and pissing out of her ass for a good twenty-four hours. Three days later, she’s still struggling to find her normal. And now our boy has a fever. Tuesday afternoon, he broke through 100ºF with the gusto we all wanted Hillary to break through that glass ceiling. (Alas, another white male out did a woman. Yeah, I’m as perturbed by it as you are, brah/sista.)

Do they have COVID-19? Probably not. But were/are they ill? Yep. And in a time when we know less than almost fuck all about this pandemic, should someone exposed to their snot, breath, and farts venture out to a voting booth, take hold of a communal pen, and breathe on every available surface? Nah. Probably not.

As of this writing, I feel great. My bowel movements are as liquid as they usually are and my ability to breathe is as normal as it usually is, which is to say, I can smell all the farts in my house. The lingering ones… the ones living in the couch cushions, the ones that aren’t mine or Katie’s or Harry’s, but those of some of our dearest friends. You know who you are, couch farters.

My office shut down last week after the news that someone in one of the largest downtown Chicago office complexes was tested positive for COVID-19. The agency I work for has taken some drastic measures to ensure its survival as has almost every single organization in the United States with employees and clients to consider. This shit is ugly. And with each passing day, it look smore and more like a more devastating. I mean, they’ve stopped the money. No NBA. No NCAA. No goddam casinos! When America shuts down it’s money, you know shit is real. This is stranger and more dire and more uncertain than 9/11. And 9/11 was fucking  fucked up. You remember, right?

So I didn’t vote. I’m on a minor quarantine. Since I’m the only person in our household—other than the dog—without any flu-like or ass dynamite symptoms, I’m the one who makes the Walgreens runs and walks that mooch of a dog (whom I love). And as In pass other dog walkers, or the rare jogger or Walgreens runner, we take extra steps aside to avoid each other—three feet at least! And we give a knowing nod to say, “Don’t vote, dude. Those pens are not getting whipped down. I know they say they are, but come on. We all know that’s not true. The wipedowns are dependent on poorly paid democratic (lowercase D, morons, calm down) do-gooders who would rather be at home than have you breathing and coughing on them.”

The outcome of the 2020 election, presidential and every more important down-ballot ticket will not be determined by my staying at home. And if it does, it doesn’t matter. Because even if Old Joe Dementia gets the nomination, even if Trump is reelected, even if Kim Fox marries Jussie Smollet’s straight alter-ego, my vote yesterday—Super Tuesday III when Brian Williams and Rachel Maddow scissor to the tune of Europe’s “The Final Countdown” during Morning Joe, nothing is more important than the health of my family, myself, and my neighborhood. Especially when stacked against our decaying democracy, or whatever the fuck we call this shitshow now.

[ideocosmonaut]

1: Name: Sam

2: Age: 33

3: Fears: Dying alone. Everything else

4: 3 things I love: Food, Music, Nudity

5: 4 turns on: Short hair, fishnet/thigh highs, sense of humor, nerdiness

6: 4 turns off: Unkindness, pickiness, ...I dunno what else

7: My best friend: Uhuh

8: Sexual orientation: Not sure

9: My best first date: Never had a good one

10: How tall I am: 5′ 8″

11: I miss: My mom

12: I was born: Here

13: Favourite color: Black

14: Do I have a crush: And then some

15: Favourite quote: “Become friends with someone, and they may allow you to take certain things from their home.” -Skyrim loading screen

16: Favourite place: Wizarding World of Harry Potter, so far

17: Favourite food: Pizza

18: Do I use sarcasm: Yes

19: What am I listening to right now: Todd Barry

20: First thing I notice in a new person: Their style or their hair

21: Shoe size: 10.5W

22: Eye color: Gray

23: Hair color: Brown

24: Favourite style of clothing: Whatever is comfortable

25: Ever done a prank call? Yes

26: Meaning behind my URL: Ideocosm + Cosmonaut

27: Favourite movie: Robocop

28: Favourite song: Too many

29: Favourite band: Too many

30: How I feel right now: Worried as usual

31: Someone I love: Yyyyeah?

32: My current relationship status: Alone

33: My relationship with my parents: Alright for what it is I guess

34: Favourite holiday: Eh

35: Tattoos and piercing I have: Two tattoos on my right arm

36: Tattoos and piercings I want: More tattoos everywhere

37: The reason I joined Tumblr: Boredom

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other? n/a

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Nope

40: Have I ever kissed the last person I texted? No

41: When did I last hold hands? A year ago 

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? Depends

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? No

44: Where am I right now? Home

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Paramedics

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Loudish

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? No

48: Am I excited for anything? Cyberpunk 2077

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Kinda

50: How often do I wear a fake smile? Sometimes

51: When was the last time I hugged someone? 2 weeks ago

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? n/a

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? Pretty much everyone I trust

54: What is something I disliked about today? The uncertainty

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? My soulmate

56: What do I think about most? Who my soulmate possibly is

57: What’s my strangest talent? I can make orc teeth with my bottom lip

58: Do I have any strange phobias? Objects way bigger than they should be

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind

60: What was the last lie I told? Im not sure

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Neither

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Not really. Maybe.

63: Do I believe in magic? In a sense

64: Do I believe in luck? Yeah

65: What’s the weather like right now? Cold

66: What was the last book I’ve read? ASOIAF 1

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Kind of

68: Do I have any nicknames? Not really

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I cut my lip open with broken glass

70: Do I spend money or save it? Spend

71: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? No

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? Yeh

73: Favourite animal? Bears

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping

75: What do I think Satan’s last name is? ...Sheets?

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Arin’s Penis Song

77: How can you win my heart? Tell me you love me

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? I’ll probably be cremated.

79: What is my favorite word? Wiener

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: uhhhh

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Eww stop it

82: Do I have any relatives in jail? Nope

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Teleportation maybe? Or Deadpool regeneration

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? why would I say that here

85: What is my current desktop picture? Witch Mercy

86: Had sex? No

87: Bought condoms? No

88: Gotten pregnant? Food pregnant

89: Failed a class? Yes

90: Kissed a boy? Yes, but not seriously 

91: Kissed a girl? No

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? No

93: Had job? Yes

94: Left the house without my wallet? Yes

95: Bullied someone on the internet? Yes

96: Had sex in public? No

97: Played on a sports team? Not officially

98: Smoked weed? Yes

99: Did drugs? Yes

100: Smoked cigarettes? Yes

101: Drank alcohol? Yes

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? No

103: Been overweight? Yes

104: Been underweight? Yes, apparently

105: Been to a wedding? Yes

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yes

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes

108: Been outside my home country? No

109: Gotten my heart broken? Yes

110: Been to a professional sports game? No

111: Broken a bone? Yes

112: Cut myself? Yes

113: Been to prom? No

114: Been in airplane? Yes

115: Fly by helicopter? Yes

116: What concerts have I been to? Flogging Molly, Weird Al, and a bunch of local bands

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Not really

118: Learned another language? Not fully

119: Wore make up? Nope

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18? No

121: Had oral sex? No

122: Dyed my hair? Yes

123: Voted in a presidential election? No

124: Rode in an ambulance? Yes

125: Had a surgery? No

126: Met someone famous? No

127: Stalked someone on a social network? Gently

128: Peed outside? Yes

129: Been fishing? Yes

130: Helped with charity? Yes

131: Been rejected by a crush? Yes

132: Broken a mirror? Yes

133: What do I want for birthday? Sex, but I always settle for whatever

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? None

135: Was I named after anyone? My dad

136: Do I like my handwriting? No

137: What was my favourite toy as a child? My ED-209

138: Favourite Tv Show? GBBS

139: Where do I want to live when older? Yknow, certain parts of Florida are actually pretty nice...

140: Play any musical instrument? No

141: One of my scars, how did I get it? A knoife

142: Favourite pizza topping? Pepperinos

143: Am I afraid of the dark? In a sense

144: Am I afraid of heights? Yes

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Yes

147: What I’m really bad at: Seemingly everything

148: What my greatest achievements are: Probably game related. I mean I graduated high school but that doesnt seem to count for much these days.

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: “You are absolutely worthless and if you were an animal, your mother would have eaten you when you were born.” -my subconscious

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: Buy a new car and go to Japan. And a cruise. Those are probably the big expensive things I want.

151: What do I like about myself: Noooooot much

152: My closest Tumblr friend: I dunno. I’m just here for the reblogs.

153: Something I fantasize about: Someone being in love with me

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal? It’s great

155: Free question: Any question you’d like to ask, be it rude, fun, curious, strange, sexual, random, meme related, etc! Nope