#I drew me and my bf but I won’t show that one

[shortcakelils]

[orangesocksonmyeyes]

right side of my neck pt2

bf!rafe cameron x gf!reader

warnings: mentions of violence (not against reader), slight manipulation, toxic relationship blah blah typical rafe stuff

this isn’t proof read SUE ME

after a lot of convincing and possible begging, rafe finally agreed to not do anything.

i eventually passed out in his arms with my head tucked against his chest. he was a night owl. most nights when i slept, he didn’t. we were opposites in many ways and sometimes i wondered how we became a functioning couple.

i stirred in my sleep when i felt the bed dip and arms return around me. this time they were cold. my eyes flickered open to see rafe already looking at me with sleepy eyes. his hair was disheveled and sweat glistened on his forehead in the dim lighting of the moon.

he must’ve noticed my staring because he quickly started running his hand through my hair, something he often does to get me to fall asleep.

it almost worked, had it not been for the slight wince i saw on his face when i leaned towards his hand.

i quickly sat up and clicked on the bedside lamp, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling his hand into view. fresh bruises and cuts littered his knuckles, the skin dry and cracked from the cold.

i should’ve made him promise.

he tucked his other arm behind his head, as if nothing was wrong at all. “are you serious?” i muttered, dropping his hand as i stared at him. he stared back at me, laying his fallen hand flat on his stomach. “you said you wouldn’t do anything, rafe.” i put my fingers to my temples in frustration.

rafe drummed his fingers along his stomach. “relax. he won’t tell.” he said nonchalantly.

he wont tell. good, so he’s alive.

“that’s not even the point.” i muttered, glancing at the clock that read 4:15am. i fell asleep at one, he was gone for three hours doing who knows what to that guy.

rafe leaned on his elbows as he sat up. he reached for my hands, i pulled away.

“baby, i did this for you.” he said, his voice cracking.

his looked at me with puppy dog eyes.

despite how i wanted to react, my heart ached at his words. i often had to remind myself that rafe didn’t think like i did. or like anyone did.

i sighed and pulled him into my chest by the nape of his neck, his looped his arms around my waist as i held him. “did anyone see you?” i whispered.

“do they ever?” he hummed.

cocky bastard.

———————————————————————

ermm nobody beat me up for this being SO short 😃 this is for @iwasunderduress again and any1 else who showed love on part one. I LOVE U 😜

drew looks so fine in that pic hello ? #drewstarkeymunch

[joethehoeee]

I drew my Changeling oc!

Their name is Kodin <3

Myyy boyyyyy.

He is a very handsome boy.

Their Human form isn’t that special and I was a bit to tired to actually put affort in it but I was also too motivated to not draw it so this is all you get for now. I like his Troll form better-

(And yes I tried to spell his name in the troll language and I hope it's right because it's from a canon book I bought so it should be wrong buuut idc XD)

Some Infos about him:

• He is obviously a changeling and he is about 465 years as a Troll and as a human he would be like 19 years. He still is basically a child. (But pls don’t ask me how their age actually works bc idk )

• He is gay and uses mostly he/they pronouns but he dosen't really care about this. They also had a bf but he sadly died about 100 years ago.

• He wears piercings and also has a tattoo on his back as a Human wich goes over to his troll form because of magic but it looks like his white markings. The small cross on his ear was actually a gift from his dead bf and he ALWAYS wears it. He also wears a small mini braid that was matching with his bf.

• He is a very good sword/dagger fighter and also loves to use a bow. He is more of a stealth and distant fighter but he also has good skill if it comes to 1v1 due to the fact that he is very aggressiv and fast. He isn’t really good with big groups but he would never run away from a fight... unless he is forced to.

• He isn’t particular scared of the dead although he respects it. He will die for what his morals and mind stand for instead of trying to save his life by fake loyalty for Gunmar/Bular or Morgana what almost even cost his head. He is a open traitor since the minute Strickler got him out of the darklands.

• He says straight what he thinks and that's mostly insulting or sarcastic because he is really harsh on it and dosen't fear to speak about hus doubts or mistrust in plans or even people. If someone is closer to him he also showes his softer side wich is very playful and somewhat shy but it still won’t save you from his general jokes and honestie.

• He is very animalistic and lets his Troll form very often get the better of him. He loves to sit like a cat or walk on 4 legs If he runs away or hides from something. His Tail and ears mostly show his Emotionens. (ears go up if happy or alarmed, or go down if scared, and on... ) But he still loves to wear human clothes (mostly at home) because they are more comfortable for him. But he wears his mission equipment (the one in the drawing) everytime he is out for safety.

• He is good at stragety and if things gets serious he is the first person to be 100% there for action and making a plan. Even if most people don’t take him serious because he loves to sit on windows or tables or the lean of the couch which doesn't look very professional but that's what he gets most comfortable with.

• He dosen't bond easily with new people since his one and only love died in his arms and because of his parents abandoning him due to the fact that he is impure. That means he gets very attached and protective over the people he eventually bonds with in any way. Even if he questions them he would still follow them because of the fear of being alone.

• He has no socialskills. He mostly makes jokes about his trauma and makes fun of people no matter if he likes them or not. He curses a lot and even more if he is stressed and that happens often if there are more than 4 people in a room. Beside that he is very chill and dosen't get angry very easily if you don’t provoke him. And he can’t really comfort people but he still tries and fails.

• He is scared water. Everything that goes beyond his knees gives him panick attacks. He once almost drowned as a whelp if it wasn’t for Strickler. Strickler gave him a dagger to protect himself after that and he always has it in his side, quite literally it's on his right leg. He also has a small crystal talisman a band around his dagger that is matching with Stricklers. (Fun fact: His parents tried to drown him after they found out that he is a changeling.)

His place if he was in the canon timeline:

Context.

To clear that off, he is very loyal to Strickler due to the fact that Strickler looked after him in the darklands and ofc the first time he got into the human world and even until the battle against Morgana. Kodin sees him as some sort of father figure wich leads him to not like Jim and Barbara because he is scared of being replaced since Strickler practically is his only real family (in his eyes ofc). He questions some of Strickler very immorally actions but he still trusts and follows him, maybe even to death. (He also mostly chills in stricklers apartment because he actually does not have a home for himself)

He is also in a state where Angor rot accepts him but they kinda have a hate friendship over the course of the Story because they have some missions together and Kodin actually tries to be nice but fails because he literally has no socialskills. Kodin does not like nore trusts Angor but he still eventually got over it until Angor actually tried to kill Strickler-

Jim and the rest mostly saw him as troll near by in some missions or fights like with getting the stones. But they finally really meet him before the battle of Morgana. His Human form works at the Café with Douxie and they both get really good friends. And he almost acts like Jim if it comes to Stricklake beside the fact that he tries to be far more supporting. If Strickler is happy with her then he will tolerate it.

The actual timeline but short.

So in the first half of season 1 he isn’t very present. He just lives his life. Sometimes he spys or goes on mission for Strickler but it isn’t that special. He reports to Strickler like NotEnrique does. He basically already betrayed Gunmar and the rest of the Gumm-Gumms but Strickler covered it up what leads to Kodin thinking that they are sort of a family now since he never really had someone to care about him. He was in the battle of the Killer bridge but he mostly just tried to help Strickler in the fight and gets him out after the bridge fell onto him.

In the second half, when Strickler gets Angor rot, he is very often send on missions and sometimes even with Angor to keep an eye on him because he is in general very misstrusting towards the acient assassin. (As a side note: Kodin mostly goes with Angor on the missions without Strickler's knowledge and just tells Angor that it was planned...even tho it wasn't. He gets a very serious dad talk after Strickler found out... like a month later) He is in most of their meetings like the ones with Otto and he also was there when they freed Angor rot, he should wait outside but he sneaked in. He hates the binding spell but that dosen't change the fact that he mocks Strickler about it very often wich sometimes sort of makes a playful vibe between them. He eventually almost gets killed because Angor decided to first look at Strickler house first and then go to the place where Strickler actually is (because why should Angor know where he is. Kodin tells him on accident since he at first didn’t knew that Strickler lost control). He fights for a few minutes until Angor had enough and just knocked him out. He didn’t kills him because of the fact that they actually bonded a bit.

Season 2 he mostly just exists, workes at the Café and eventually reunited with Strickler and Nomura who hates him. He hates her too. And yes they just do their thing until season 3.

Season 3 is funny to me because I definitely imagine him just sitting on the kitchen counter when Jim comes home and Jim is like "who tf are you?" and he is like "just a random dude who works for a stupid ass changeling guy that almost killed your mom" and Strickler would just give him the death stare. But yes he would probably help with some missions including the bad coffee ep and the general training for Jim. He could and probably would train Jim the dirty sneak tactics and how to fight on distance. He fights in the battle of Morgana and stays in Arcadia because of Strickler and I hope that Barb would like him too, he would help them with the Babys. He likes Barbara and also Jim by now (even tho he is still a bit scared) and he just wants parents that care for him...

3 below goes on normal, he gets friends with Toby and also helps in the fight and in Wizard he was with Douxie in the Café but he got send home.

For the not canon movie he mostly does what the others do. He stays with Strickler for the Ice titan mission and gets absolutley destroyed by Stricklers death. He stayed with Barbara in the castle until the new timeline starts. (I could also imagine him grabbing something to get down on the ice and search for any life sign of Strickler until he eventually dies because of the immense cold wich would be the death he is most scared of, cold and alone.)

Anyways.

Challenging destiny is canon.

[sodasback]

Ex BF - Part 2

Drew Starkey x Reader

Part 1

You guys, I changed my mind, this one just works so much better as a Drew Starkey fic ...so fuck it, I’m just gonna post what I had on my deactivated blog. 

It had been months since you ran into Josh on set at Drew’s work. Luckily, Drew was only in a couple scenes for that project and he only worked on that show one more day without running into Josh. Now, you, Drew and a lot of the Outer Banks crew were all in LA again and going out to a bar.

Unfortunately for you, and everyone that night, Josh and his friends were at the same bar.

“Oh hey, it’s y/n and her movie star boyfriend, Andrew.” Josh said as he appeared next to you and drunkenly leaned an arm on your shoulder. If looks could kill, the look on Drew’s face would have for sure been the death of Josh. It was a mixture of shock and rage at the audacity of this guy. Drew was so taken aback, he didn’t know how to react.

You uncomfortably chuckled and squirmed out from under Josh’s arm to stand in front of Drew quickly, not knowing if Drew’s truly calm nature could be tested any further. “Mhmm, great to see you Josh.” You stated dismissively.

Your effort to separate them was lost as Drew instantly and easily maneuvered you behind him protectively. You turned for the bar as quickly as possible, hoping to end the situation there, so you grabbed Drew’s hand to pull him along with you.

“Aww, y/n/n, you’re not gonna stay and let me get to know your little boyfriend?”

You felt dead weight behind you as you tried to pull Drew away. 

“Bro, I’m telling you right now, back the fuck off.” Drew stated. You whirled around to get in front of him, as Josh took a step forward and titled his chin up, “Or what?”

You put your hands on Drew’s chest. He easily looked over your head to continue glaring at Josh.

“Drew” you said sternly. He glanced down at you for a second, before looking back up at Josh. Josh smirked and waited to see what Drew was gonna do. “He’s not worth it. Trust me.” You said. Drew looked down at you and softened. 

He wrapped an arm around your shoulder an you wrapped both arms around his waist to walk to the bar. 

“You know, as hot as you are when you get all scary like that. I really really don’t want you getting in a fight because I have an absolutely horrible ex boyfriend.” 

You emphasized the first part of this sentence, but Drew just gave you a deadpan stare. He knew you were trying to flirt with him to get him to relax. And you knew it was too late at this point. As evolved and emotionally intelligent as Drew was, he had now entered caveman mode. Josh challenging him because of you triggered instincts deep within him to meet that challenge aka defending your honor. ...1 point toxic masculinity, 0 points non-violent female empowerment.

At this point in your life, you were happy. You had everything you wanted in your career. You had a beautiful apartment. Your family was healthy. You had the best friends you could ask for. And of course, you had Drew. Drew was the one. He was your soulmate. Your best friend. And you knew it. You didn’t feel the need to put Josh in his place any more. You just wanted to keep enjoying your life. You had time to make peace with what Josh did to you and you felt like you moved past it and him. Yeah, you felt like you were past it, you tried to convince yourself. It had been years since the incident happened and you and Josh broke up...

Flashback

You and Josh were 20 and had been on and off for a couple years. One night, you had both been out, when you started fighting, something that wasn’t new to your relationship. Josh had been flirting with another girl a lot of the night and gaslighting you to make you feel like you were imagining it. As you brought up the flirting again, he was reaching for his car keys. You were pissed that he was using this tactic again. He would leave until you calmed down and started to worry about him so much that you would just finally give in and forget the fight, instead of holding him accountable. You were so mad at him for making you feel like you were crazy and for always manipulating you by leaving. You couldn’t stop the words from coming out of your mouth, “Sure, just leave again. Fucking typical, Josh. Like father, like son, I guess.”

And before you could even process what happened, the whole right side of your face was stinging, a cut near eye was bleeding from his ring and your ears were ringing. Josh had just backhanded you hard. Time stood still for a moment as your hand went to cradle your cheek. You were absolutely shocked.

“Oh fuck. You okay?” 

You finally looked up at him with an unreadable expression on your face. “..don’t make this a big deal, okay? That was a really shitty thing to say and you just made me so mad, I couldn’t help i-” At that point, you stormed into the bedroom and locked the door. He now was faced with you being upset and maybe even losing you; he started knocking on the door and apologizing profusely after realizing your reaction. You were completely blocking out all the noise coming from the other side of the door as you tried to gather your thoughts. 

Okay, that was a really low blow. Yeah, but he HIT you.

I definitely shouldn’t have said that. But he HIT you.

Maybe I deserved it. No, he HIT you. You continued to argue with yourself.

What would you tell your y/bff’s/n if this happened to her?

What would your mom or dad tell you right now?

If he did it once, he could do it again.

...this isn’t the first time you’ve been scared of him.

...but he seems genuinely really sorry.

You opened the door to find Josh sitting on the ground leaning against the wall. He looked at you scared and hopeful, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry for what I said. It was really unfair and hurtful of me.” You stated genuinely.

Relief washed over his face for a second, “I’m so sorry baby. I swear that will never happen again.” He said, as he got up and he started to make his way to hug you. 

“Yeah, I know it will never happen again...” you held your hand out to stop him from touching you, confusion now evident in his expression, “because we’re done.”

His face dropped, expression now being somewhere between confused, angry and disappointed. Josh wasn’t used to you putting up boundaries and not letting him get away with all the shit he pulled. “Y/N-” he started. 

“No.” You said adamantly, “Frankly, I don’t care how sorry you are. I don’t care how much I pissed you off. I don’t care how much you promise that will never happen again. Our relationship was toxic before what just happened. I know I’m not perfect and I have a lot of things to work on. But I 1000% know in my bones, that I WILL NEVER let you hit me again. I deserve better. We’re done. I’m going to my parents’ house. I’m coming back tomorrow between 10 and 2 to get my stuff. Don’t be here.”

A couple months later, you had a text from an unknown number. It was Josh borrowing a friend’s phone to text you, since you blocked any way he had to contact you. He apologized. He held himself accountable. There was no deflecting or manipulating in the message and he promised he would never contact you again. You replied: “Thank you for your apology. Yes, I’d appreciate it if you don’t contact me again.”

And that was it. You ran into him briefly at the grocery store once and you had been in a really good mood. Your interaction was light and almost flirty. You felt so ashamed about it later, but you hadn’t seen or heard from Josh again until years later, with Drew on set. And little did you know, seeing you with Drew set something off in Josh that he just couldn’t let go.

-

As you stood at the bar, waiting for the bartender’s attention, you turned to see the caveman version of your gorgeous boyfriend still glaring, his fists clenching and unclenching.

“Babe.” You said and he looked at you.

“He’s got fuckin nerve.” He said shaking his head and you took a deep breath ready for the rant, “First off, called me a movie star. I am a serious actor, Y/N.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at Drew being offended anything this asshole said and Drew’s eyes widened at you and you stifled a giggle while you laced your hands around his neck to appease him, “Mhmm” you encouraged. 

“And then he called me ‘Andrew’“ Drew went on. And you nodded and gave him a sympathetic pout, “I know, I heard.”

“And THEN, he has the AUDACITY to put his fucking arm around you?! Bro, I’m heateddddd-” He continued, barely paying attention to you as you leaned your body against his. You ignored the fact that he just called you bro and tried a different tact. 

“Drew, stop. You can’t get into a bar fight. Think about your job.”

“I don’t care about my job. I care about you.”

“That’s not true. You do care about your job. And I know you care about me. But if you get into a fight right now, it’s not gonna change what he did to me. It was a long time ago. We’re not together anymore. I’m over it. Punching him is not gonna do anything except jeopardize your future.”

Drew still had his fight face on, “Well, knocking that smirk off his fucking face would sure make me feel better.” He said and you scowled at him. “And for the record, I don’t think you’re over it. And you don’t have to be. You never have to be over it. And that doesn’t mean you aren’t fucking strong and badass.” 

You were quiet as you contemplated what Drew said. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before looking at you. “Okay” he said softly. 

 “Thank you” you said softly before you pulled him down to kiss him. After a minute of you successfully distracting him with a pretty passionate slow kiss, you felt Drew melt a little. 

“Hey, I’m sorry. Do you want to leave? Like do you not feel like being out anymore?” He asked sweetly.

“No, I’m okay. He’s just being a drunk asshole.” You turned away to grab the drinks the bartender poured for you and Drew, “We probably won’t even see him for the rest of the night.” 

You turned back and realized caveman Drew was now glaring at Josh again as you spoke, “..or not.” You rolled your eyes.

Despite the bad beginning, you and your friends ended up having fun as the night went on. And you and Drew proceeded to drink. Which was probably not the smartest decision. You were both feistier when you drank and you knew Drew’s natural state of calmness was only going to wear off as the night went on.

Eventually, you had to go to the bathroom. But you didn’t trust Josh to not instigate something with Drew while you were gone and you didn’t trust Drew to not try and avenge your honor while you were gone either. So you found Austin, Chase and JD. Chase and JD were only half-listening as they watched whatever game was on the tvs at the semi-crowded bar. 

“Guys, I need you to watch Drew while I go pee.” You said. Drew rolled his eyes and hung his head back with a groan.

“What’s the rig?” Austin asked, ironically using his favorite word as he put one arm on your shoulder and the other on Drew’s.

“Drew is trying to fight my ex-boyfriend and you need to stop him from ruining his career and/or going to jail for assault.” You looked at Drew as you finished your sentence remind him that he could get in serious trouble for getting in a fight. Drew scoffed as Austin looked to him for confirmation of what you were saying.

“He called me a movie star dude” Drew said.

“Oooff” Austin agreed that this was a major dig.

“And then he called me ‘Andrew’“

“Ahhh man” Austin commiserated, “This kid deserves to get hit for sure.”

“Austin!” You scolded, “You are not helping!”

“Bro, that’s not even half of it. Like what he did to Y/N; he deserves to get the absolute shit beat out of him, I promise you-”

“Okay, stop! We’re not discussing this. Chase, JD, you are in charge of Drew. Keep him occupied while I go pee and don’t let him ruin his entire life by getting in a stupid bar fight. And Austin, stop encouraging him and keep your mouth shut til I get back please!” You commanded, as you pushed Drew and Austin toward Chase and JD. JD gave you a salute while he put his arm around Drew’s shoulders. 

While you were gone, Drew was drunk and spilling all your business, trying to get all 3, also drunk, boys on his side. “Guys, you don’t even know. This guy is the biggest asshole.”

“Wait, is he really? Or do you just not like him because he’s y/n’s ex?” JD asked.

“No dude. First of all, he like cheated on her a bunch of times; he was super manipulative and .. he fucking hit her once dude.”

The all looked at each other, “What the fuck?!”

“Like hit her?”

“Yeahhhhhh, like physically hit her face.”

“Well you are completely justified, brother.”

“Yeah, we have your back man, whatever happens.” They all nodded and broke out of their little huddle.

“Look! No fighting!” Chase said proudly when you got back, opening up his arms.

“Good job Chase. Gold star” You said returning his quick side hug.

The group decided it was time to go to one more bar, so you all walked out the back ext into a big alley. Where, of course, Josh and his friends were smoking and noticed your crew before you noticed them.

“You think her movie star boyfriend knows what an uptight little prude she used to be?” Josh said to his friend loud enough for you to hear. You honestly didn’t even care about what Josh said, you knew he was trying to get Drew to react. And you knew even your sweet, soft Drew was not immune to anger getting the best of him. Drew stopped walking, still slightly turned away from Josh and just shook his head, not believing Josh’s audacity. 

Even though the guys had been supportive when they were talking to Drew about fighting Josh, no one actually wanted that to happen. So Austin was quickly by Drew’s side, “Don’t do it bro. It’s not worth it.”

“Drew.” You said trying, to get him to focus on you. Unfortunately, you were with a group of boys full of testosterone and Chase was also feeling feisty and protective. 

“Hey, why don’t you shut the fuck up bro” Chase said, taking a step toward Josh, but luckily a level-headed JD was immediately pushing Chase softly backward. 

“Ooh maybe, she’s not such a prude anymore. Maybe she’s sleeping with the whole cast; they’re all so protective of her.” Josh laughed.

“Josh stop! What the fuck is wrong with you?” You yelled at him. And Drew was instantly moving in front of you, “You need to stop talking right now man.” Drew said in a tone that made the hair on your arms stand up. You could feel the tension rolling off Drew.

“Drew calm down. Please.” You pleaded as he looked down at you.

“Y/n, I can’t let him talk about you that way.”

“He’s trying to get under your skin. That’s what he wants.”

“Yeah, well it’s fucking working.”

“Drew, come on. Let’s just go home.” He began to give in as you pulled his arm. 

Josh was obviously determined for a fight, because the next thing that came out of his mouth made it impossible for anyone to stop Drew.

“Hey good luck with y/n, man. I treated her like trash for years and she still came running back to me, bitch has got issu-” And before he could utter another word, Drew’s fist connected with his jaw. 

“Fuck.” You cursed as your hands went through your hair and you backed up between Austin, Chase and JD.

Josh recovered and hit Drew in the eye. 

You gasped. Turning into JD’s chest and he protectively wrapped his arms around you. Drew hit Josh again and he fell to the ground. Drew bent over him and punched him again. “Don’t you ever fucking talk about her again!” He yelled through gritted teeth, “Don’t look at her again. And if you EVER touch her again, I swear to God-” he spat in between a few more punches. 

“Drew! Please!” You yelled and finally Austin pulled him back. “That’s enough, bro.” 

“Come on” JD still had his arms around you, walking you away from everything. 

Drew was breathing heavy and trying to overcome his adrenaline. You and JD were already around the corner with most of the group. 

“Come on, let’s go” Chase ushered Drew away with Austin. And they followed in the same direction. Drew saw you walking ahead of him. 

“Y/N” he called after you softly. You stopped and turned around. He was already right there enveloping you in his arms. 

“Fuck y/n. I’m so sorry.” He muttered kissing the top of your head. You just kept holding each other while the group called Ubers. 

You pulled away from him a little, “Are you okay?” You asked trying to get a look at the bruise forming on his face. “Yeah, baby. I’m fine. I’m so sorry I did that. I’m sorry I put you in this situation.” He said, hugging you again. After a long pause, you pulled up and looked up at him:

“Thank you.” You stated genuinely and Drew looked at you surprised. But while you continued to look at each other, you both understood without saying anything more. You both knew it wasn’t okay that Drew just got in a fight. And you both knew you didn’t need your boyfriend to defend you honor, but you were thankful someone finally had.

Taglist: @moniamaybank @abbyj1822 @october-cameron @hernameisnoell @railmerafe @stupidpendeja @lemur46 @phantompogues 

[ill-skillsgard]

Faust x Faith - No Looking Back

Warning: 18+ smut, public sex, violence, blood, arson, implied death, mentions of non-consensual touching (nothing explicit and no r-words used,) mentions of stalking, unconsciousness, anti-religious themes, strong language.

Note: Hey, hey. I’ve wanted to write this for a while, but haven’t had much time. This isn’t based on any requests—just something I feel needs to happen to move the universe along. After this, I’ll be basing future FxF stuff off drabble requests instead of going story-heavy for a bit. Likes, comments and reblogs are suuuper ‘ppreciated!

Summary: - Not based on Lords of Chaos. I use Faust!Valter’s likeness only as inspiration - 3.6K words -

Faust makes good on his word to protect Faith, taking drastic measures to assure her assailant never bothers her again.

Read more Faust x Faith here [x]

Thin raindrops pattered the man's leather jacket as he walked through the streets with his hood drawn up and his eyes low. For two days, the drizzle persisted and melted the black snowbanks into slush. Though the dismal atmosphere kept most inside, Sven had good reason to travel across town on foot. The promise of a girl's company waited at the end of his route, and he put off his regular nightly routine of masturbating to fetish porn for—what he hoped was—the real thing.

He glanced at his cracked phone screen every few minutes to check in with her, making sure she hadn't changed her mind, that she was serious. From the earnestness of her messages and the speed at which she replied to his questions, he determined she meant what she said about wanting to meet. Finally, his luck was turning. He’d show that miserable bastard Faust who was the better man.

- What abt ur bf? Lol

- What about him? Not here, is he?

- Thought u were a good girl.

- Haha, not really. Are you close?

- Ya. Y r we meeting at this random place?

- I need you to promise you won't tell a soul. If you can prove that to me, maybe we can keep meeting up.

- Lol ok. I PROMISE I won't say a word😉

- Thank you. Hurry, please. It's cold out!

- Be there in 5. I'll let u wear my jacket altho idk might not need it😉

- Hehe omgosh. You're making me blush.

- I'll make u do way more then blush baby. Just wait.

Sven lengthened his strides and turned the corner onto a hill leading toward the industrial area of town. Down the slope, he walked past several warehouses and legions of trucks parked inside barbed-wire fencing. It was a peculiar site to meet up, but his rendezvous insisted on a place nobody would think to look.

Betting his night would take an erotic turn, Sven popped a piece of gum in his mouth and chewed away the cigarette taste. He was seconds away from the spot she chose to meet, and his chest constricted with excitement. His boots crunched over gravel and garbage as he walked down a narrow alley between two faceless buildings. There was an open lot at the end of the lane, where he assumed she was waiting. As he made his way through the dimly lit alley, he whistled to make his presence known. The shrill tune reverberated off an overflowing dumpster to his left, and as he stepped to clear the reeking trash receptacle, something hard and blunt swung out at eye-level and flattened him to the ground.

Dazed and blinded from the sudden strike, he tried moving his mouth, but only a bubble of blood popped from his lips. A piercing stream of sound filled his ears as the edges of his vision turned dark. A large black figure came into view above, haloed by the soggy grey sky in the deepening veil. The featureless shadow chuckled deeply before a heavy boot's tread put out his lights.

~*~

Several hours passed before Sven's eyelids shuddered. By then, his assailant had had plenty of time to tie him to a wooden chair and organize his instruments of punishment. A headache blistered through the man's skull, throbbing in his eye sockets until he gained enough consciousness to open them. When he saw the person who had knocked him out, his throat closed and the gasp ripping through came out high-pitched.

"Faust... Please... Don't—" Sven hiccoughed. "Don't do this. I'm sorry. I'm SORRY!"

Faust, who had been facing the doorway at the end of a long red runner, turned toward Sven, holding a hammer's handle in one hand while cradling the head in the other. A malicious smirk peeked out from a curtain of black hair. He took a step forward, the clomp of his leather boots echoing through the church. Each step made a menacing sound that bit down on Sven's nerves and rattled his sensitive skull.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"I know you hate me, but please, don't hurt me. I swear I'll never talk to her again!"

Faust approached, flashing the obsidian hammerhead. He tossed the tool in his grip and stuck his hand into his pocket, producing several five-inch nails.

"No! God, no, please! Faust! Don't do this!"

The black-haired giant stopped to admire the curve of the hammer’s prongs. Sven looked around the empty church and saw a jerrycan taking up space in a nearby pew. He immediately started struggling against the jute rope binding his wrists and ankles to the chair as Faust drew nearer, smile uncoiling.

"I already gave you the chance to never talk to her again. Remember?"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Sorry means fuck all to me. You should know that. The only reason you left the campsite with your dick intact is because of the witnesses," Faust said, then spun around with his arms out, showcasing their solitude. "Now, it's just you and me."

"Please don't," Sven muttered through swollen lips. "Fuck, I'll do anything!"

"There's nothing you can do. Nothing a sorry sack of human waste can provide this world to make me change my mind."

"SHE LIED!"

Faust jingled the nails in his jacket, reminding Sven who held the weapon.

"Whatever she told you... It's not true! I was at the party, but I didn't do anything to her!" Sven's voice cracked.

"Oh... So you didn't follow her into my bedroom?"

"No! I talked to her for a minute, and that's all. That's all, I swear, Faust. Don't kill me."

The stomp of boots neared the altar where Sven struggled in the chair. He twisted to loosen the rope and slipped one hand out. Faust grabbed his wrist and pinned it to the arm of the chair, readying a nail between his lips as he gripped the hammer. Sven let out a scream, stifled instantly by the hammerhead. Faust wedged the metal between his teeth and hissed.

"Shut the fuck up, or I'll use this to smash your teeth out like a goddamn window. Understand me?"

Sven nodded and quaked as Faust placed the tip of the nail against the soft, flat part of his forearm.

"Stay still. If I fuck up and hit the Radial or Ulnar artery... You could bleed out before I'm done. Gotta get it right between the bones." Faust slapped the pale skin to reveal blue veins. He pressed the nail’s tip in place and rose the hammer above his head, bringing it down and stopping short of the head as Sven shrieked.

Faust cackled. "Jesus Christ, dude. Did you really think I was gonna nail you to a chair?"

Sven groaned, relieved and moist with cold sweat. "Faust, I'm serious. Please, man. You gotta believe me."

His dark laughter continued, bouncing off the high ceilings, the wooden pews and polished floors. As Sven let out his own nervous chuckle, Faust brought the hammer down in one swift pull, then slapped his hand over Sven's gaping mouth to stifle the screams. Howling, Sven rattled his head back and forth as a searing bolt of pain tore through his right arm, crackling in his shoulder where it burned and burned.

Faust tore his phone out of his back pocket and brought up a video, slamming the screen into Sven's face. The video of him grabbing Faith in his room while he was states away watching the live feed from the camera he'd set up on the desk.

"I knew these little cameras would come in handy. See? I know what you did, you stupid fuck. And you know what else? I would have just beat the shit out of you had I not stopped by your place before our little meeting."

Sven whined, tears pouring from his eyes in steady streams.

"Oh, yeah. That's right. I went into your room... Saw some interesting things on your computer. At first, I thought it was just standard fucking creep shit. Snuff porn, torture... Teen girls. None of that surprised me... Until I dug around and found your little stalker file buried in your folders. You didn't even encrypt it. How fucking stupid are you?"

"I'm sorry," Sven shook.

"Why are you apologizing to me?"

"I'm sorry for touching her. I should have left her alone."

"What'd you think was gonna happen? That she wouldn't tell me? Or that I wouldn't believe her? And now I know you've been following Faith around, taking pictures of her, you fucking predator. And what about those other women, huh? You sorry about them, too?"

"Yes! I'm sorry. I know I have problems! I'm trying to get help. Please, Faust. If you let me go, I promise I'll do it. I'll get better. I haven’t hurt anyone!"

Faust shook his head slowly, grunting in refusal. "No. I meant what I said when I told you I'd crucify you if you went near Faith again. I'm doing the world a favour."

Sven hung his head and bled from the grievous wound pinning him to the chair, shuddering weakly from his injuries. Faust would never relent. He'd witnessed the drummer's cold disdain, the malignant hatred living inside that made him turn to the dark with open arms. Faust wasn't an actor. He pledged himself to the darkness with unyielding conviction, never one to take such things lightly. This realization depleted Sven's will to reason with the man.

Faust gripped another thick nail and drove it through Sven's left arm, smiling as blood dripped from the wood onto the church altar. The violent yelps filled Faust with morbid delight as he pressed the bloodied hammer under his victim's chin and raised his face.

"You're gonna die tonight, Sven."

"What makes you better than me? You'll be a murderer," Sven stuttered. "You hurt people, too."

"You and I are not the same. Don't ever compare yourself to me. You're a coward, and I warned you. Tread on what's mine, and I'll destroy you. That's what I said."

"All this over a girl? Are you fucking crazy!?"

Faust stooped to one knee, looking up at Sven as though the insult had cut him. Faust's brows arched, bottom lip jutting outward as he studied Sven, who closed his eyes. Then, Faust rose to his feet, leather stretching from the motion. Faust tapped his chin, smiled, and leaned over to whisper, "yes... Totally fucking crazy."

With a powerful kick to the chest, Faust sent the chair and Sven toppling backward. He then unzipped his pants, pulled out his manhood and giggled as he emptied his bladder on the weeping man. While Sven cried and moaned, Faust closed his zipper, whistling merrily. He left Sven on his back and snatched the jerrycan from the pew, taking slow, calculated steps while twisting off the cap and dousing the altar in gasoline.

As the gas trickled, Sven's desperation mounted. He could not flail, so he screamed. Faust gently reminded him what he'd do to Sven's teeth if he carried on shouting. The pinned man blubbered and begged, but Faust ignored his pleas. Inside his head, all Faust heard was the sound of flames rushing into a circle around Sven, crackling over the carpet and up the old church's wooden beams. By the time the roof caught fire, Faust had planned on being long gone.

"Please, Faust... You'll regret this! I know you're a serious person, but this is too far. You won't be able to live with yourself!"

"Wrong. I couldn't live with myself knowing I let a vulture like you walk this planet freely." Faust poured a trail down the floor runner, far away from the altar. He tossed the can aside and looked up at the Catholic saints' stained-glass portrayals and Jesus at the center of it all, staring down with sad eyes. Faust took a book of matches from his pocket and ripped one from the bunch, running its tip across the ignitor strip until a small flame burst to life. Faust flicked the match to the ground without a second thought, and the flame ate up the gasoline trail swiftly. The church was illuminated, and the colourful glass windows came to life. Faust raised his eyes to the forlorn Jesus and leered while the fire spread.

He did not stay to admire his work or revel in the cries of a man burning alive. Faust fled before the fire consumed the church, not once looking back or wondering if his victim had somehow escaped. He trudged through puddles of slush, hair swinging in the wind, white shadows of breath leaving his mouth.

It was time to get back to finish the tour. But he had one more stop to make.

~*~

Faith left the mall after helping close the book store. She received small smiles and nods from the mall staff as they locked doors and unfolded security gates. Some of the people she had spoken to before, and some she had only seen in passing. Though she returned their pleasantries, inside Faith was fretting. She tried not to worry about her boyfriend or ask where he was under strict orders to go about her day as usual.

She stepped into the evening air as the sun sank, taking the blue from the sky along for the descent. Wisps of white cloud stretched across the pink and violet above. Faith took in a deep breath and walked to the bus stop situated between a movie theatre and a dollar store. She popped her earbuds in and turned on a song that reminded her of Faust; one he wouldn’t like. His music taste had no room for the upbeat indie rock she enjoyed. Still, she smiled when the lyrics reminded her of him.

The scent of cigarette smoke caught her attention, and she looked around, finding no culprit. She wondered where the smell came from if nobody was around but soon forgot when the city bus appeared in the distance. It had to make a long trek around the parking lot before it pulled up at the movie theatre. Faith readied her bus card to scan as another cloud of smoke enveloped her senses.

Faith whirled around, and there he was, all black and leather, white teeth clutching the filter of a cigarette. Faust smiled, his words bolting from his mouth as she clamped her arms around him and crushed her face into his chest. The leather and musk brought tears to her eyes. She ripped out her earbuds and tried not to weep.

He hushed her, lifted her off the ground and retreated into the shadowed alley between the theatre and the store. By the time the bus pulled up, Faust had pressed her against the brick wall behind the building.

"Faust. Oh my gosh, where have you been? I was so worried," Faith gasped.

"Sh, don't ask questions, baby." Faust smothered her mouth, holding her thighs around his waist.

"Mm—I love you. Oh my God. I can’t believe you’re here! I love you so freaking much."

"I know you do," Faust breathed against her lips. "I love you, too, babe."

"Tell me where you've been!"

Faust shook his head and kissed her neck instead. She raked her fingers through his hair, knocking his hood down so she could see him unobstructed.

"Told you... Don't ask... Mmkay?... Stop asking... Just let me... Mm—fuck!"

Faith pulled his pelvis inward with her thighs, rubbing against his crotch and the heavy bullet belt wrapped around his hips. In their cloud of lust, Faust pushed his black jeans down just enough to free his erection.

"Fuck, I love your little skirts. Makes it so easy," Faust murmured.

The thought of Faust showing up disquieted her, but his lips on her skin and his desire thwarted these anxieties for a while. She set aside her questions, happy to have him in her arms again and overcome by arousal. When he stretched her panties aside and pushed into her, they both froze in expressions of excruciating ecstasy. Faust tilted his head back and closed his eyes, and Faith clutched his shoulders, already writhing from the intense fulfillment between her legs.

Just as she thought Faust might drop her, he bent his knees and hoisted her higher up on the wall. In his arms, she weighed close to nothing. She missed feeling tiny against him.

"Miss my cock?" He growled in her ear.

"Yes, baby. Oh my gosh, of course, I missed it. I missed my big man."

"Yeah? Fuck, I miss my little pussy," Faust breathed. "Mm, show me those gorgeous tits."

Faith unbuttoned her work polo and stretched the collar down around her breasts for Faust to bury his face. Though there wasn't an abundance of flesh to lose himself in, Faust shivered from the first taste of her nipples. With muted groans of pleasure, he rammed into her until Faith could no longer contain her cries, unaccustomed to his girth. Faust absorbed her whimpers with his mouth, coaxing her tongue until she only hummed.

He felt ferocious from the last twenty-four hours. If he could make Faith scream without drawing attention, Faust would have slammed her into the wall and fucked her until she shredded her vocal cords. He had to keep a low profile. Even visiting Faith was a considerable risk, but one he relished taking as she clamped her thighs and rutted against him.

He supported her ass in both hands and shifted off the wall to fuck her standing up. While he took her this way, she wrapped her arms around his neck and whimpered, whispering, "yes, fuck my pussy hard, big boy. Oh, I love that big cock inside me."

Faust unhooked and held her out so he could watch her breasts jiggle with every bounce. "You still taking your birth control? I'm gonna fucking bust so hard inside you, baby."

"Yeah. Yeah, baby, do it. Fill my pussy, please. I want your cum."

Her dirty talk and sweet sobs for his cock pushed him over the edge. He cradled her head as he pushed her against the wall and throbbed between her legs until empty. Faust pulled out and immediately turned her around and bent her over to watch globs of fresh cum dripping from her wet slit. He used one finger to push some of it back inside and had her suck off the rest. Afterward, he pulled up his pants and compressed her against the wall, one hand over her mouth while the other worked her clit in gentle circles. Faust didn't stop until she squealed and shuddered against him, muffled in his jacket and writhing from the manual orgasm.

When Faith calmed down, he released her and stepped away, pulling a cigarette from the squished pack in his jacket pocket. The lighter's flame created an orange halo around his face and promptly died. He smoked like nothing had happened while she fixed her skirt, buttoned her polo and zipped up her coat.

Faith smiled up at her lover, the night blotting out most of his features.

"I'm so glad you're home," she said.

"Not for long," Faust exhaled.

Her heart quivered. "Wait, what?"

"I gotta go back."

"When?"

"Tonight."

"What? No! But... You just got back," said Faith.

Faust shrugged, his leather jacket speaking for him. The evening matured, consuming the details of her hurt expression until the streetlamps along the road came to life.

"Why did you come here?"

Faust took one last long haul off his cigarette and flicked it down the alleyway. "Listen to me, Faith... You need to quit asking questions. I'm serious. The more questions you ask, the worse it'll be. And you and I did not see each other tonight. As far as you know, I'm on tour. Understand?"

"Yes," Faith said to appease him.

"I want to stay, trust me. But I can't. You know why. All the answers you want, you already have. Don't keep bugging, don't mention it ever again."

"I want to go with you," she whispered.

"No. You stay. Go to your classes, go to work, go visit your parents. Everything normal. And I don't want you moping around either. You put on that pretty smile, and you pretend for me. I'll call you in a couple of weeks before the last show and arrange a way for you to get there."

"What do you mean you’ll call in couple of weeks?" Faith whined. “What about goodnights?”

"I don't have a phone anymore."

"Why—? Oh, um... Okay. I understand."

Faust gathered the girl up in his arms and kissed the top of her head. "Good girl. I love you, and I miss you."

"I love you, too."

He tipped her face up and sensed tears forming in her eyes. Faust shook his head. "No crying. We'll see each other very soon. Just a couple more weeks."

"I know," she sighed.

"I love you more than anything, Faith. Now, go catch your bus. Should be here in a few minutes."

"But what about you?"

"Don't worry about me. I'm on tour. I'm not even here," he explained.

Faust kissed her again, smoothed his hands over her shoulders and turned her to face the bus stop. He urged her along. "No looking back. Hop on the bus and go do your schoolwork."

"Okay," she said, determined to make him proud. Faith walked out of the shadows and into the lamplight hovering over the depot. Across the lot, the city bus pulled in, and though she longed to turn around to see Faust watching over her, she kept her eyes forward and waited. When the bus pulled up, and the doors drew back, she stepped onto the platform and smiled at the driver as she scanned her pass. Faith took a seat in the back and put in her earbuds. She searched through a list of bands and selected the only one whose logo was illegible. As she pressed play, she listened to the immediate assault of the drums, their constant and violent beat. Faith smiled—warm in her chest and between her legs.

[clotpole-art]

Retrospective: Illustrated Merlin Alphabet Challenge

Finally finished the Merlin Alphabet Challenge, so here's the artist notes no one asked for! See below the cut for comments on each piece by order of creation. Be warned folks, it's a long post.

Before we begin: credit to @merlin-gifs for the challenge, which can be found here. It's awesome, go do it.

First thing you should know is I did probably 80-90% of these while on phone calls or in Zoom meetings and that's reflected in the simplicity of most pieces -- the compositions aren't complicated, the lines aren't refined, the coloring is slapdash. If you noticed variation in quality of the pieces, that's why!

Second: I tried to focus on trying something new for each drawing. Didn't always happen, but this challenge did succeed in helping me push me out of my own comfort zone.

Without further ado...

A is for Arthur Pendragon

Textures, baby! Brushed metal of his armor, scratchy linen texture of his shirt, wispy softness of hair and skin. I'd recently gotten my tablet out of storage after a year of figuring out where the hell I was going to live and this was one of the first pieces of digital art I spent time on. Glad it was Arthur kicking us off!

B is for the Beginning of the End (1x08)

Fun fact, I did not draw this with my tablet. I drew it with my work computer's touchscreen. It was awful, would not recommend.

C is for Camelot

I wanted to get used to different brushes, so landscape of the castle it was! There are brushes that help with drawing grass; I did not use said brushes and my wrist hurt afterward. That being said, I really enjoyed working on this and it was one of the few pieces I didn't do while multitasking.

D is for Daegal

Also drawn on my work computer's touchscreen, not my tablet. I didn't learn my lesson from B and the experience was even worse. This is my least favorite piece which sucks because it's Daegal so I'm slated to redo this sometime in the near future. Gotta do our boy justice.

E is for Elyan

Oh, I adored drawing this. Elyan often gets shafted in terms of fandom appreciation so I made sure to choose Elyan for this prompt and to participate in the Elyan fest. Plus, I love a good ghost story and figuring out a way to include the druid spectre was fun. Didn't multitask on this piece because Elyan deserved my full attention.

F is for Freya

Ho boy. This piece. I have such mixed feelings on this drawing. Really really didn't like it after I'd decided it was done and very nearly scrapped the whole thing. I had a vision in my head that I just couldn't render into reality and it frustrated me SO MUCH. Looking back, I like it much better than I did when I first created it.

G is for Gwaine

What can I say, he's pretty when he's cold. I didn't stretch too much with this one -- it's my normal drawing style, I was just trying to find a brush that mimicked the softness of pencil.

H is for Hunith

Another one that didn't stray too far from my comfort zone. I was stupid sick and slammed at work, so a motherly Hunith manifested herself. I blame the bad brush choice on the cold medicine.

I is for Isolde

I woke up and chose violence! Tried to vary my figure drawing style a little in this piece but my brain resisted, resulting in... this. Not mad at it, but not happy with it either. Poor Isolde.

J is for Juggling

Ah, this lovely piece was drawn during a particularly vexing meeting at work. Fun fact, there's another version of this line art that's less about Merlin's stress and more about mine.

K is for Knights of Camelot

Continuing the theme of doodling through bad news and shit meetings. Like I said above, normally meeting doodles aren't complex because I'm concentrating on something else. This one was more involved because I didn't want to concentrate on the meeting. I have a few issues with this from a technical standpoint (perspective, my nemesis) but it's still one of my favorites. Tried some funky coloring technique, didn't hate it.

V is for Vibrant Colors

And here is where we said fuck the rules and started going out of alphabetical order! This one was really fun to do and I loved kicking off Albion Party with this as my first submission. The colors were a challenge (as I hoped they would be) and this is the first time I had to do some color tweaking midway though and after finishing the coloring process. Vibrant Arthur, my beloved. This started as a multitask doodle but took dedicated time to finish.

O is for Old Religion

The concept for this one was buzzing in my head for a bit before a quote-prompt solidified it. I adore the thought of more visible, tangible representations of Merlin as the son of the elements, of "magic itself" -- not just sun-gold eyes, but sea-water hair and sandstone-skin. A complement to the vibrant Arthur portrait.

S is for Sorcerers

When I said I wanted to challenge myself, I wasn't kidding. Ho boy, this was fun but frustrating. I wanted to completely illustrate a gif. So I did. Will I do something like this again? Maybe. A while from now.

M is for Morgause

See above -- same illustrated gif style so at least I was able to reuse some drawings. Poor Morgause ended up looking a little wretched here because I was mentally done with this when I was drawing her. Love the concept of tarot cards + Merlin but others are doing it so I won't continue this series.

Z is for Zzzz

This one was specifically done to test out some custom brushes I made in Krita to make abstract background drawing easier for me. I think they turned out well! Plus who doesn't love bb iridescent Aithusa.

L is for Leon, P is for Percival

Quick, minimal doodles of the boys! Mentally, I was going for a Brady's-style retro ensemble cast TV show credits feel. Not mad at it! Some boys look closer to their actors than others (I think my brain broke drawing Percy, my apologies to Tom Hopper).

T is for Tristan

It wasn't until after I posted this that I realized there was more than one Tristan in Merlin. Could have drawn Isolde's bf but I drew Ygraine's dumb jock undead brother instead. Had some fun with dark greys and blacks here regardless.

Q is for Queen Annis

Best royal in Albion, bar none. I tried a different coloring technique here and I kinda like it! may make it my go-to but we'll see. Old habits are hard to break. Also: our queen deserved more badass clothes.

X is for Arthur X Merlin

Oh, be still my shipper heart. Doodled and colored during a meeting. I had hoped to spend more time on it outside of multitasking but alas, work is a bitch. This one is slated for a rework sometime in the future; I adore the concept too much to let it go without creating another version of this that isn't an utter mess.

U is for Uther's Ward

And here's my attempt at forgoing line art. Not fun, do not like.

Y is for Young Warlock

Channeled some pain into this one. Those are the dead eyes of someone who had been told that he'd succeeded when his friend died. That the destiny he'd been expecting to carry on his shoulders into old age was done and dusted before he turned 30. Grief plus the existential dread of the aimless immortal. Oof. One of my favs.

N is for Nimueh, R is for Rising Sun, W is for Will

And we end on this sorry offering. I was away from home for a while without my tablet and I just got tired of waiting. So, pen doodles at the airport. This was a challenge in its own right because 1. pen only and 2. I wasn't able to pull Netflix up for a reference on the fly. Which is why Will's face is obscured and Nimueh looks.... not like Nimueh lol.

In summary: this was a goddamn joy to do. I finished 26 letter prompts in approximately 21 weeks, which exceeded my own unspoken goal of filling one letter per week. I found a good, happy corner of the Merlin fandom after a years-long hiatus away from being a fandom creator. If you did make it this far with me, thanks for reading my inane comments and giving this little project even a moment of your time -- I'm so grateful.

[lucyjay]

Wrote this while waiting for my flight to depart. It’s also my second ever one shot, so excuse my possibly horrible writing. Peace.

Warnings: sexual content, unprotected sex (stay safe fellahs), touching, fingering, swearing, mentions of alcohol consumption, crying, slight self image issues, fb2lovers

Love me - Christopher Bang/Bang Chan (SKZ)

Too bitter.You whisper to yourself after tasting the almost black tea you made in an effort to calm your nerves. Since the performance finished, you haven’t stopped thinking about Chris. You pray he won’t start blaming himself for messing up two steps from the choreo, but you know he will.

You’re not supposed to care about Chris in this depth, but you do. Your “relationship” started a few months ago, when you two locked eyes at a photography exhibition of a mutual friend and you clicked straight away. You knew you couldn’t be together; him being an idol and you trying to make a name for yourself after landing your dream job as a prosecutor. His world just didn’t allow the ‘gf/bf’ kinda thing and you didn’t want to push. You were just fuck bodies, there for each other when you needed to get off even have a talk sometimes, but that’s where you drew the line. Were you in love with him? Hell yes. How could you not be? But after weeks of overthinking about it, you concluded to not say anything to him because that would break rule 4 and consequently your ’relationship’. My heart is still safe, you thought to yourself, sipping your now sugar busted tea. ‘Ew, too sweet’, you give up placing the mug in the sink.

You were about to make your way back in the living room, when you heard a knock on your door. It wasn’t too late, but you weren’t expecting anyone. You curse at yourself for not insisting on having a peephole, but your landlord woulnd’t bother replacing your door with a new one. The moment you open it, your eyes land on Chris’s face. His eyes watery, his chest moving up and down as if he was running, smudged eye make up and messy hair. He is not ok.

“Chris, wha-..”, you dont manage to finish your sentence when you feel his strong hands cupping your cheeks and his lips on yours. He steps inside your flat, shutting the door closed with his leg, never breaking the kiss. His body is towering over yours even though you’re almost the same height, but he feels so needy, so intense. You place your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, your tongue now exploring the inside of his mouth. He moans into the kiss before parting his soft lips from yours to take a breath.

“I need you”, his voice is a whisper. Only now you can smell the soju in his breath. Not too much, but he certainly has had a couple drinks.

“What’s wrong Chris?Tell me”, your left hand now stroking his cheek, your eyes searching his honey brown ones trying to find a hint, anything that will explain his current state.

“I’m not ok, Y/N, I’m sad and stressed and i do everything wrong, I can’t focus and I’m scared, I’m scared that if i keep being like this I will end up like before...I-I can’t, I can’t do this..”, his voice fades as he bursts into tears, resting his head in the small of your neck. You have no idea where this is coming from, you have no idea what to do or how to handle him being like this but you know that you can’t stand seeing him in this way. You curse at yourself for not allowing both of you to have deeper conversations, to get to know each other better. Had you done so, you would probably understand better what he is talking about.

You pat his back and slowly caress his hair with your left hand. You can feel him calming down as he tries to wipe a few tears off of his face. You look at his beautiful eyes and sigh.

“If it’s about the mistake you made at the performance, it was nothing. You were so good, no one would care-..”, he shakes his head nodding you to stop.

“Don’t. Don’t give me the same bullshit excuses everyone does. I am not good enough. I fuck up everything. I act like I have everything under control but I don’t”. His gaze is strong, never leaving your face and you can see the hurt in his features.

“What can I do? I can’t stand seeing you like this, tell me what I can do”, tears pooling in your eyes now. His face relaxes and he gives you a weak smile.

“I don’t want sex. I want love. I want to feel you. Please”. His hands are one back on the side of your cheek and one lifting you up motioning you to jump and hug his waist with your legs. You do so and he starts walking the two of you towards your room.

He walks in and after a couple steps you feel your back touching your soft mattress. He stares down at you, his eyes red from all the crying and slowly takes off his shirt. Then his trousers and underwear follow and you feel your cheeks being painted a light shade of pink as if it’s the first time you see him naked. He is so gorgeous, how could you ever get used to this?

In complete silence he reaches out to remove your sweatpants and underwear at once. You lift you lower half to help him do so and you grab your shirt, taking it off, leaving your body completely naked under his gaze. He stares at you as if you’re the first woman he has ever seen naked in real life.

“Beautiful”, he mumbles and lays his body on top of yours between your legs, connecting your lips. The kiss is slow but he deepens it straight away, demanding access with his tongue which you gladly grant him. His left hand is resting on your face, stroking your cheek and the other is making its way to your lower stomach. You sigh and moan into the kiss.

“Chris, how do you want me?”, you managed to get out. Your meetings with Chris were mostly about sex and he rarely had enough time, so asking him how he wanted you or him asking you how you wanted him, saved you time.

“I said I don’t want sex. I just want you. Love me”, he whispers and you can feel his sweet breath on your face while his skilful hand reaches your lower lips, slowly spreading the wetness to your clit and all the way around it. Your breath is stuck in your throat and your brain doesn’t know where to focus first. On what he is doing to you or the fact that he asked you to love him?

“Ch-Chris I...I can’t”, his enters one finger inside your heat while softly leaving kisses across your jaw line all the way up to your cheeks. “If we do this, I can’t go back. if I let go, we won’t be able to go back to what we had”, you whine trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to leave your eyes. His stare meets yours and he leaves a quick kiss on your lips.

“I don’t want us to go back. I want you to love me Y/N. Like I love you.” he kisses you again and you swear your soul is about to leave your body. “I want you to show me that you love me. And take care of me” he enters a second and third finger in you and you can’t help but moan out his name. “I want you to be mine and I want to be yours.” his thumb reaching up to dance in circles around your clit which sends you into overdrive. You can’t think and no words can leave your mouth as you feel the knot tightening in your lower stomach. You pull him down closer to your face connecting your lips in a hungry, needy kiss.

“God, I’m yours Chris, all yours”. You feel his hand ease its movement and you automatically open your eyes to look at him realising just now that you had them closed shut all this time.

“I want to feel you cuming around me”, he says and moves slightly to the right to grab a condom from your nightstand. You grab his arm and turn his attention back to you.

“No”, it sounds more like a soft command and you can tell he loves it. He kisses you again while aligning his dick with your entrance. Your entire body is moving up to meet his. He is like a magnet, how could you have not fallen for this man?

He slowly enters you and you can feel every inch of him stretching you out oh so beautifully. You close your eyes and feel his lips landing on the side of your neck leaving soft pecks and bites.

“So wet. So soft. So nice”, he mumbles and the moment you hear his voice the knot in your stomach makes its appearance once again. You try to follow his soft movements but it’s all too much. He barely moves, his thrusts deep but at the same time slow and soft, but it’s the feelings dancing through your body doing all the work. He is everywhere. You can feel him inside you, in your head, in your heart. Everywhere.

“I love you”, he says softly in your ear and a hard thrust follows his statement.

“I love everything about you”, he continues and you forget your own name.

“I love you Chris. Please, oh my god, I love you”, your voice comes out so weak but you don’t care. You can feel him smiling on your neck and he quickens his pace. You start seeing stars moaning his name again and again like a chorus.

“That’s it baby. Look at me”. He caresses your cheek, his eyes never leaving yours. “ Let go baby, I’ve got you”. His last statement drives you over the edge. You start clenching around him and you have no idea how you manage to let any words out but you have to have him cuming with you.

“Inside Chris, p-please I wanna feel you. Cum inside”. As if you turned a switch in him, with a final deep thrust that makes your orgasm last longer than any orgasm you’ve ever had before, he spills inside you again and again and you feel him all the way up into your stomach. You moan out his name a final time and then feel his body collapsing on yours, your heavy breathing matching his while he is resting his head on the side of your neck.

“I can still feel you pulsing around me baby”. He chuckles and you turn shy all of a sudden. He moves to look at you while removing himself from your sensitive heat. You grimace at the sudden loss of fullness and warmth and he kisses the expression wrinkles formed between your eyebrows. He grabs his shirt and wipes both of you as good as he can, before bringing you a new oversized hoodie from your drawer to wear.

“I’m hungry”, you spit while he is trying to get your left arm inside the hoodie.

“Pizza?”, he cocks his head to the side waiting for your reassurance. You nod and he lifts you up carrying you all the way to the living room where he leaves you on the sofa. He then disappears back inside the bedroom and comes out in a pair of sweatpants he always keeps there just in case, and a clean t’shirt. He takes his spot next to you and grabs his phone to order when he stops.

“What?, you ask.

“You’re still working from home right?”, he turns to look at you. His random interest in your work catches you of guard.

“Ahm yes. They said it is still not safe to go back to the office so I should be working from home at least until the end of January. Why?”. His face lights up and you wish your eyes could take photos.

“Come to Australia with me for a couple weeks. I need a break and I can get a couple weeks off to go see my family. Come with. Please”, he is searching your eyes for any sort of reaction. You don’t know what to say or how to react.

“Your family?”, you repeat, this being the part that shocked you the most.

“Yes. They are cool, you don’t have to worry. No pressure. I just want to spend some time away from everything here and I want you to be with me.What do you say?”. How could you say no to him when he is looking at you like a kid waiting to open his Christmas presents. You nod before the words leave your mouth.

“Okay. I’ll come.”. He serves you the biggest smile you’ve ever seen him wearing and takes you in his arms. You startle his lap and move a few hair away from his forehead looking into his beautiful eyes. And then you remember how this happy, loving person seemed so broken and hurt just an hour ago.

“I want to get to know you better Chris. Seeing you like this before hurt me so much and I need to feel safe that I know how to help you when things get tough”, you share with him as honestly as you can.

“You helped me just fine baby”, you gives you a cheeky smile and you hit his arm.

“I’m serious. I don’t ever want to hear you saying you’re not good enough. You’re great in what you do and you’re super talented, gifted and hard working. You shine on stage and even when you make a few mistakes here and there, no one cares cause your work outshines all of them”, you say in one breath and you swear you mean each word. He looks at you with the most loving stare.

“You are the only person who has ever told me that, that doesn’t make money out of me.”, his expression turns sad and you kiss him straight away trying to keep him away from the dark place he was in just a while ago when he knocked on your door.

“Everyone loves you. I love you. You are amazing and I am hungry. Go set the table and stop with the self pity you idiot”, you try to lighten up the mood and it works as Chris quickly gets up to set the table with the biggest smile on his face.

[ohnobjyx]

What are some of the biggest moments/clues/hints that bjyx have something going on?

Part 1

Hi, anon! I have three asks from different anons with related questions, and I think it’s something many are curious about, so let’s get into it! I’m going to make this into a three-post series, with the next two answers linked to this one. I think they are all necessary to get the full picture.

Links:

Part 2 here

Part 3 here

It’s gonna get long (and I’m just starting), so sit tight and get a cup of coffee. Nothing to see under the cut unless b/jyxszd.

Disclaimer: everything is fake fake fake, don’t take it seriously.

Wow. Where to start? There are many things in the bxg group that are going to be counted as “moments” (or candies), but here are the ones I believe the most. Of course, other bxg will offer other “hints” but these are all quite acepted in the fandom from my point of view.

Asking for “the biggest” is quite subjected to personal interpretation, since there’s no regulated consensus of which moments are true and which are not. That’s why I can offer what I think it’s widely accepted among bxg and that, of course, I think are “true”.

1) Interviews + bts videos

In almost any interview, since they started filming CQL, be it solo interviews or interviews they both participated in, you’ll be able to find “candies”. These of course, are much more subjected to personal interpretation and your views on their relationship.

To me, the interviews show that they are much closer to each other (even when they were just filming cql!) than they are to other people. They also gave a strong deja vu, but that’s for a following post.

Some of the best moments from their interviews:

In a solo interview (160 minute special, from 30:08-46:37, here with eng subs), in questions completely unrelated to dd, gg brought up dd in his answers at least six times (I think I lost count somewhere in the middle). If you compare them, when gg is asked about dd or prompted to add more details to his answer about dd, he’d end up rambling on and on, whereas in other questions he’s more concise. In his 16-minute interview, more than half the time (questions actually related to dd + questions unrelated to dd) gg is talking about dd.

There are several instances where both, when asked about “the most beautiful/handsome/looks good in costumes” person of the cast, they answered with lightning speed the name of the other.

“Wear kneepads”. The 9 minute boat video is also a treasure. Candies aside, I think it’s quite telling that they can have a conversation about everything and anything without stopping (especially dd, who was known for only talking about his interests). About the “wear kneepads” phrase, I talked in this post about how Chinese people express their love “differently” (love is love). It doesn’t imply romantic love per se, but... gg cares.

In the sina interview (190714, here with eng subs): they lied so much in this interview that even when I was just watching this interview for the first time I thought their answers were strange.

“Is she clingy?”, dd asks. “She’s not, you are”, gg mumbles (but it has been picked up by the mic). Dd’s face goes blank, but then he brokes into a small smile and says “I am...” (here the post with the video).

There’s a moment in an interview however, that belongs to a whole another category that’s the second greatest hint for me:

2) The “you have a bf” moment

For those who don’t know what happened: in an interview from one of their fanmeetings, the interviewer asked about one of gg’s old phrases (”if I enter in a relationship now, I’ll lose my job”). However, he didn’t remember it and both react very strongly to it. Here is a post with an analysis and a link to the video.

3) The informality

This is a pretty tricky one... but once you watch a few videos of gg with dd and gg with other people, it becames apparent very quickly. They’re so comfortable with each other that hitting and swearing (”are you sick/insane?”) is never taken with offense. 

I think there’s an analysis somewhere, about gg and dd hitting each other. Gg hits, but with no real force behind them, and dd either hit him with his long sleeves (when filming) or with great force and speed, but not landing the blows. The few times he actually hit gg by accident, he always apologized profusely, pouring over gg (”where have I hit?”). It left no room to mistake about the good nature of their teasing and hitting.

4) The necklace

There are rivers of ink written about this one. I’ll leave a link to the best analysis I’ve seen here (both the OP and the response make a lot of sense to me).

In summary: mtjj and cp fans started to argue about the origins of the necklace. The company stated that dd had bought the necklace himself (this is the version most of the solo fans believe), but of course cp fans wouldn’t be appeased with such a weak denial, so mtjj started to say that dd should either stop wearing it or explain how he got the necklace.

It’s curious how dd escaped this situation by choosing a third option: he wears it hidden under his clothes. He wears it almost every time he appears anywhere. He even wears it to the sea.

So he can’t explain where the necklace came from, but he won’t stop wearing it either. That, at the very least, points to a romantic gift (from my point of view).

Once you start seeing the necklace, you can’t unsee it. The picture on the left is an older one, when he still wore the necklace openly, but he was still wearing the necklace in a recent photo (yes, both gg and dd has been nominated to the TOP 100 most handsome faces of 2020).

5) The kadian

I was introduced to this concept in tumblr, to be honest. I didn’t pay much attention to it, but when you see a bulk of posts next to each other... there’s a reasonable limit to these kind of things being coincidental.

But then, dd’s post on the 200529, the one about the smile with the colgate ad... that was very much on purpose. And his post on the 200521. Or gg’s posts in recent June: 200605 13:28 and 200612 13:45.

I have an ask about kadian sitting in my inbox, I’ll explain it in more detail in that one.

6) The clothes

Again, I thought at first that this was a coincidence. But then, there’s a limit for coincidences. They have a lot of clothes they either plan to buy the same one in different colours or it’s just the 23rd coincidence that with all of the clothes available in the world, they chose the same one in different colours or just plainly the same. (Here’s a good post with a compilation).

Another fact that convinced me is that many of them are “private” clothes they own, not clothes that stylists choose for them (in which case it’s most likely to be a coincidence, I don’t think they choose the clothes for a photoshoot, for instance). For example, the two sets down below were from photoshoots, so I think they were coincidences.

Going back to clothes they do share, it’s also the fact that gg wouldn’t have access or interest in certain brands and clothes, unless someone with certain interests recommended them to him or got them for him. So coincidental (again) that the only person around him like that is dd.

Or the fact that if one of them is wearing a certain piece the other has worn before (ie the coat), the other one doesn’t appear with it again. Moreover, the coat (left pictures) has been confirmed by the fans to be the same one. They asked the brand about it, and both gg and dd are wearing the same one (since it was discontinued) unless gg bought it 2 years ago and has just decided to wear it (unlikely).

Or the fact that when they appear with the same shirt/trousers, they fit them differently. Trousers are longer on dd, and the line for the shoulders are lower on gg.

Or the fact that sometimes they each wear the upper piece or the trousers of a set respectively (left). Another coincidence, I’m sure.

(Credit of the pictures in the picture).

7) Gg’s songs and his drawings

Gg hides it better, but he still has this kind of gestures. He never fails to remember the lyrics (I don’t know whether you’ve noticed, but at the far back of every stage there’s a gigantic screen displaying the lyrics), but if he does “mix them up” it’s just another coincidence that it can get interpreted as a message for dd.

And last, but not least, we have this drawing:

Gg drew this in a program last year. It’s his “ideal life”. So, let’s see what’s in it:

Gg is the figure on the left, with his cat at his feet.

For someone who doesn’t know how to ride a bike, he included one at the right. Curiously, if you observe the shadow it leaves on the sand, the shadow doesn’t match the bike, resembling a motorbike instead.

So, why is a motorbike in his ideal life? It’s maybe related to the person who approaches from the other end of the beach? Does it look familiar?

He could have drawn a clear, tranquil sea. But instead, there are quite a few waves, which resemble greatly something bxg see written quite often (the last one is the first radical that forms the “bo” character in dd’s name).

So many coincidences in this post.

[choofeyrac]

Another fic in the same universe as [this], for the po/dcast Kale//idotro/pe. You don’t need to have listened or read the other fic though! Just a wav-maker and his bf, ~1k

———

Video Title: Kissing my boyfriend until he sneezes

<Video begins>

The camera bounces, then focuses on Drew, sat on the couch next to a box of tissues and glowering at the wall. He looks up.

“What— Harrison, there’s nothing to record.”

“Not yet,” Harrison says, appearing on view and kneeling over Drew’s lap.

“This sneeze has been stuck for the last hour, and it doesn’t feel like it’s come out anytime soon.”

Harrison kisses the tip of his nose.

“See?” Drew continues. “Even that didn’t help.”

“I haven’t gotten started yet,” Harrison tells him, prim. “I’m going to kiss you until you sneeze.”

“What, and if I don’t sneeze we just make a sex tape?”

Harrison laughs, and Drew’s scowl softens at the sight of it.

“Our sex tape would get a lot of hits. But no. Trust me?”

“I trust you. I just don’t think you can fix this without inducing me, and if that was an option I’d have already done it myself.”

“I promise I won’t do anything with lasting effect, I know you have your big call tonight. Worst case, nothing happens; best case, it gets it out of your system before tonight.”

“That’s… reasonable, I guess.”

“Poor Drew,” Harrison says, kissing his nose a third time. It doesn’t even twitch. “I’m sure it will be very difficult for you to kiss your gorgeous boyfriend for a while.” Drew can’t help but smile at that. He takes action on it as well, leaning up to kiss him softly.

“You are gorgeous,” he says as he pulls away.

“Don’t you forget it,” Harrison says, and this time he darts away to kiss either side of the bridge of Drew’s nose.

“You’re still not going to make me sneeze, though.”

“Oh, aren’t I?” The challenge rings through his voice, and he takes it into their next kiss: tilting his jaw to deepen it, looping his arms around Drew’s neck. Drew’s hands flex against his back, and he returns as good as he gets. And every time they break apart for breath, Harrison’s lips return to his nose - the bridge, the tip, his septum, nuzzling around each nostril with touches that look oh so soft.

“No sneeze, though,” Drew points out, after a few minutes have passed.

“Because you’re still thinking about it,” Harrison says, playfully frustrated. He shifts from where he kneels over Drew, wrapping his legs around his waist instead.

“I thought we weren’t making a sex tape,” Drew manages through an onslaught of kisses. Harrison doesn’t respond, except to tug on his bottom lip with his teeth. Drew hisses, but it isn’t the intake of breath that Harrison’s been aiming for. It does work in distracting him, though: he pushes back up into Harrison, drawing him down close, chasing his lips when he tries to pull away, and for a while Harrison can’t even sneak in a single kiss to his nose.

Harrison changes the angle of the kiss again, and Drew’s nose brushes against his cheek.

And there it is: that sudden, unsteady intake of breath. Harrison has studied each and every kind of intake of breath from Drew, and this one he knows well. He pulls back from the kiss just enough to see Drew’s eyes firmly closed, then presses back in, and if his own nose brushes down the length of Drew’s, well, that’s surely a coincidence.

Drew pauses a moment - not acknowledging that anything’s amiss, and to be fair, the shakiness of his breath could be caused by numerous other things right now. But Harrison knows Drew, and knows it isn’t any of those other things.

“Stop thinking about it,” he insists again, as if that’s something Drew can easily do now. But he kisses Harrison again, and again, then breaks away to kiss up his jaw, nibbling up his earlobe before hitching another breath right in Harrison’s ear.

Harrison visibly swallows.

“Still not gonna sneeze,” Drew tells him, and presses his nose firmly into Harrison’s jaw, quashing the tickle back down. Harrison leans back, gives him an unimpressed look.

“You’ve spent two hours complaining that you needed to sneeze, and then you don’t just so you win?”

Drew shrugs, and Harrison rolls his eyes before pulling him back in. There’s a playfulness to it now: Harrison lifts his head to try and provoke the itch, but Drew meets him movement for movement with his lips, stalling him at every opportunity. Thwarted, Harrison returns to his previous tactics, holding Drew’s chin to direct the kiss, to let soft skin brush sensitive nose. Drew’s lips can’t contend with that - they still as he presses his face more firmly against Harrison’s, but it’s too late to stop another hitching breath.

And then another, and another.

“That’s more like it,” Harrison says.

“Not gonna sneeze,” Drew swears, but the sniffle that follows belies it.

“Sure, honey,” Harrison nuzzles his nose with his own, and Drew gasps against the tickle that flares.

“I’m not—“ another hitching breath. “N-not…” His eyes are watering just so.

“Not gonna—“

Harrison grins, and pulls away to impart the final blow: he feathers his lips to his nose, and Drew gasps one last time, and—

“EhHEHsxhhoo!”

“Bless you, sweetheart.” Harrison kisses his temple, then pulls away as if he’s getting up.

“Where are you going-?” Drew asks, not quite on the edge of another one, but not far off.

“I thought you didn’t want to sneeze,” Drew narrows his eyes at the feigned innocence. Harrison kisses his cheek, too, and gets up.

“Harrison—“

“What?”

“Don’t you dare. You can’t get me this close to it and then leave me to it.”

“Can’t I?” He’s off screen, now. Drew gets up in pursuit, and though the camera doesn’t show it a giggle rings out, the sounds of a playful tussle, followed by the sounds of a kiss, and another. And another, and then—

“Oh god—“

And then the sound alternates, kissing and hitching interspersed, speeding ever up until— until—

“HuhISSCCHooh!”

“Bless you!” Harrison’s voice says, but this time there’s no pause, and the sneezes go, and go, and go, until the sound of kissing starts up again, and this time it’s sneezes rather than hitches that intersperse them, but all it serves is to speed them up.

“So about that sex tape—“ Harrison’s voice says, and Drew’s laugh rings loud and clear.

<Video ends>

[ayellowcurtain]

a story where Robbe and Sander are a couple but they have hidden because Sander's parents are homophobic, so only the Broers know that they are both together, so Sander in front of everyone has a relationship with Britt, just to make happy to his parents. But with the passage of time, Robbe can no longer bear when he learns from the girls that Britt and Sander have sex. So he decides to ignore Sander and end his relationship. Sander falls, he cannot bear to be without Robbe so he decides to win back his love, but it is difficult since Robbe does not want to know anything about him. So months later, after leaving the closet with his family, finishing up with Britt and risking his death for Robbe, they are together again. 

could I give you prompt about Sander who accept a bet with his friends to win Robbe's heart and be his bf, along the way Sander is head over heels to Robbe but some times later Robbe found out about the bet

Part 2

Sander sits on the bench he grew attached to for the past few months. He puts his bag right next to him and grabs his sketchpad and his favorite pen. This sketchpad is almost full, he needs to maybe stop at the art supply store and search for a new one.

This is the best part of his days and Sander keeps repeating that to himself, while seeing Robbe’s face over and over again with every single page, all of them filled with Robbe’s face, his hands, his soft eyes, his hair. Sander is almost sure he covered every angle possible.

He uses this as a therapy. Extra sessions. It helps to draw him, to remember how he looks, how small and sparkly his eyes get when he smiles. Sander enjoys the time he spends drawing every line slowly.

He sighs, moving on to finding a new page. It’s easy like breathing, his memory picks a favorite moment for the day and Sander is already drawing, confident that he’ll be able to finish in time. He gets so carried away, working on some details that he only notices how much time has passed when a heavy hand rests on his shoulder.

“This is getting tiring,” Jens complains, offering his hand and Sander sighs, looking at what he made. It’s not perfect, but it’ll have to do. He rips the page from his sketchpad and carefully folds it in half, giving it to Jens.

“You think it’s working?” Jens shrugs, putting it inside his pocket, looking across the street, no sign of Robbe.

“He likes you.” He says like Sander doesn’t know that. Robbe likes him. For once, Sander was with someone he was madly in love with. He wasn’t just settling with someone. He knew Robbe loved him and Sander loves him so much it’s scary. And when Robbe needed him to stand up for them, he didn’t. Robbe found out things with Britt weren’t that fake for her instead.

“But he’s really hurt. I’m sure he’ll punch me any time now when I give him another one of your drawings.”

Sander puts his things back inside his bag, closing it and getting up, standing next to Jens, watching the school gate. “I can try to talk to him.”

“No, it’s okay. I think it’s best if you keep your distance.” They keep looking at each other, diggesting the information that it’s still too soon, almost four months after the break up, not really knowing what to say to each other.

Jens is Robbe’s best friend since they were little. They have their ups and downs too so Sander should take his word for it because if there’s someone that knows when Robbe is angry, it’s Jens. But it’s been months. Sander is starting to think it’s really over. And he can’t stand the idea.

So he comes here, sits across the street from Robbe’s school and draws something for him. Jens comes, grabs the drawing and makes sure it gets to Robbe’s hands. The firs time he came, Robbe looked around and found him and Sander knew it would take a lot more than a drawing. He tried talking to Robbe that day, but he wouldn’t listen.

After that, Sander took a step back. He tried calling, texting, but Robbe ignored him every time. He didn’t even read the messages.

Not until a few days ago, late at night. Sander was wide awake at two in the morning and he was staring at his texts unanswered, thinking if he should try again. It had been a few weeks since the last time he tried, and then Robbe’s icon showed on the side of his texts, meaning he was reading them, finally, at two in the morning.

So Sander started coming back to the school, hoping one day Robbe would stop ignoring him, clearly avoiding to look where he knew Sander would be, cross the street and say he was willing to give Sander another chance.

Sander shakes Jens’ hand and he walks away, looking both ways before rushing to wait for his friends where they always meet, his hand still inside his pocket where the drawing is.

It’s still too soon. Sander thinks about leaving before Robbe appears outside, but he waits anyway, trying to focus on other people, on his own shoes, anywhere else.

When he breaks and looks up, Robbe is already there, with his drawing in his hands, looking at it. He drew the look in Robbe’s face the last night they spent together. They went to their bar, Robbe got a little too drunk and needy. He was pouting when he asked Sander to go to his place even though they both knew it wasn’t possible. It was just a joke.

Sander woke up the next morning and Robbe was crying, sitting on a chair in his kitchen, with Jana and Zoe around him and Sander didn’t even had to ask. It was a big fight, Sander argued with Jana too. He doesn’t know how Jens is not angry at him either. She just didn’t have any right to tell Robbe that way. Sander was going to tell him, just not the way she did, happy to see them arguing because of her stupid friend.

Robbe looks at Sander and he stops thinking. Robbe is looking at him for the first time in a long time. They move in sync: when Robbe folds the drawing and puts inside his pocket, leaving the boys behind, Sander crosses the street just as fast, following him, holding the strap of his bag tighter.

“Robbe…”

“Leave me alone,” He doesn’t slow down, doesn’t sound like he wants to talk, but he’s talking so Sander runs to catch up to him, standing in his way. He stutters, looking at Robbe closely after so many months apart.

“I told my parents about you.”

“What?” Robbe was about to start a fight, but he stops, the crease in between his eyebrows slowly disappearing. “What did they say?”

Sander breathes out slowly, taking the opportunity to notice every detail in Robbe’s face his memory might have missed, “We had a fight. I moved out. I’m leaving by myself now, closer to college…”

Robbe really looks at him now, a hint of worry in his eyes, “I’m sorry…”

“I’m sorry too. For us. For ruining everything.” Sander wets his lips with his tongue, not wanting to spend the few minutes Robbe is willing to give him talking about his shitty parents, “Can we talk? Tonight, maybe…”

Robbe threatens to start walking again and Sander stands just a little closer, carefully holding the edge of Robbe’s jacket. “I’m busy...we’ve finals next week.”

“Please, Robbe. You can pick the place and I’ll just show up.” Robbe is staring at his lips. Sander knows that because he’s not very different, needing to hold himself in place not to kiss Robbe without a warning, “We were together for over a year. Just give me a chance.”

He doesn’t answer, but Robbe is not walking, leaving him behind, so Sander continues. “I would love for you to meet where I’m staying now. I promise I’ll behave myself. You can bring the boys if you want. I just want to spend some time with you.”

“You don’t want them there while we talk.” Robbe tries not to smile, but the corners of his lips are slightly up.

“No. But I’ll let you decide how we’re going to do this. If you feel more comfortable with them around…”

Robbe nods his head, trying to keep his eyes on Sander’s. “I trust you will not try to do anything if we’re alone.”

Sander nods his head, trying to stop hearing his heart beating inside his ears. “I won’t. And I’m happy you trust me.”

“I’ll think about it.” Robbe decides, slowly trying to walk away again, but Sander whines, moving to stand in front of him again.

“Is it too much to ask for an answer right now? I won’t be able to live until you answer me…” Robbe finally smiles a little bit and Sander can’t imagine how long today is going to be.

“Okay. I’ll go. Text me the adress.”

And he’s in so much shock he can’t do anything when Robbe walks away, thinking about how the art supply store will have to wait. He thought so much about this day. And now he only has a few hours to execute everything perfect.

[holycow99]

石田お寿司 29/7/21 stream translation Part 1

T/n: This is not the full translation of the stream. I only translated the parts I could understand & interpret or parts I found interesting/important. I’m still a beginner in Japanese, so the translations may not be accurate. If you want to repost, please repost at your own risk. I’ve changed the format as this format seems better. I’ll be writing in this format from now on.

*Someone asked him about his throat.

I: My throat? It’s normal. (t/n: He had a sore throat a few weeks ago)

I: I was asleep when chp 5 was released. It was already dark when I woke up.

*People in the comment praised chp 5.

I: Thank you, thank you. I’m glad you liked it.

C: I’m waiting for the translation!

I: It coming soon. (t/n: He’s speaking in eng.) It sounds like a wrong eng.

C: Are you right handed?

I: Yes, I am.

I: For chapter 6, I’ll probably finish drawing it if I work until the day after tomorrow, even though I haven’t made any progress at all. After that, I’ll add in the typesetting and then it’ll probably finished around 2nd or 3rd August. I’d be bad if I couldn’t get it done after I’ve said this.

C: Fumi (Jack Jeanne’s character) plays erhu? (t/n: OP’s referring to JJ OST album’s illustration.)

I: Yeah. Kosemura Akira (composer for Jack Jeanne) wanted to use erhu when composing Fumi’s theme song. So, he asked a famous person to play it. It’s really rare to have erhu in songs. Not many people in Japan play it. Why did he choose erhu? Then, when imagining what kind of instruments suit each character, for Kai, he has that deep, bass feeling. So, his instrument is double bass. Piano is Kisa. Suzu is, of course, all about hitting the beat. Drum is an important instrument in rhythm creation. For yonaga, it’s a wind instrument. I want him to play a pipe. You won’t understand even if I talk about it. Should I leave the picture here? Wait a min, let me show you.

*Someone commented about Tokyo revengers’ illustration.

I: Oh yes, I did an illustration of Tokyo Revengers’ Mikey. I want to draw Draken as well.

*He showed the illustration of JJ’s characters with instruments.

I: I drew Shirota playing guitar. For some reason, I imagined he could play guitar. And then, instruments like viola (referring to Neji). Otori plays maracas.

I: That’s how it is. And then, we have the Sui exhibition in Nagoya. I’ve been writing report on the event. Isn’t it amazing? Probably not. It’s for myself after all. Rather than for myself, I’d get mixed up if the exhibition is held in a lot of places. 

*He started Playing Ghosts n’ Goblins.

C: I really want to play Ghosts n’ Goblins, but it seems so stressful.

I: It’s not stressful, rather you’d feel angry.

*Giant monsters appeared.

I: Just now on discord, Goubaru texted me saying he wanted to call me, but I rejected. He’s expressing his anger right now. (t/n: He referred the monsters stomping the ground as angry Goubaru.)

C: Sensei, there’s no love counselling session today?

I: It seems like some of you were happy when I gave love advice. There’s someone who became a couple with her childhood friend. She said she’s gonna talk to her bf once again. What was the problem again? Something like she had trouble chatting with her bf through mail. I advised her not to then. Hahaha.

C: Do you remember people who always watch your livestream?

I: Not at all. I do remember you *****-san. (t/n: He mentioned OP’s name)

I: I tried listening to my own stream while working. When I listened to it, I realised I have a tendency to pick comments from specific people. There’re people who know to comment at the right timing, like Y****. (t/n: He mentioned the fan he always chats with) It seems like I pick them based on the colour (?), name length, and comments that are easy to pick. Weirdly enough, I always end up reading the comments from the same people.

*He’s fighting another angry and aggressive Goubaru.

C: Is Goubaru usually like this?

I: I wonder… I think so. But, he often wore this kind of down jacket, like for a year. A purple one. Even though the fabric wasn’t that thick, wearing a down jacket must be hot, right? He didn’t take it off when he’s in the workplace. He even wore it during summer. I asked him why, and he said it’s because he wanted to hide his body line. Sounds like a problem an attractive woman would’ve. I do kinda understand that. It’s probably the same reason as women who wears loose clothing as to not have their chest shown too much. He always wore purple down jackets due to reasons like that.

C: My dad also always wears down jackets in every season to hide his body line.

I: I’d tell those kind of people to lose weight.

C: Wearing down jacket and sweating is probably their way of losing weight.

I: No, but even if you sweat, you won’t lose weight. Those who’re dieting probably know this already, but sweating only reduce the water percentage in your body. Just because you sweat a lot doesn’t mean you’d lose weight. In the end, it all depends on the amount of fat you lose and the amount of muscle mass you gain.

I: With sauna, I don’t think you can lose weight. If you drink water, you gain back the amount of water you lost. However, if you don’t drink water for 2 days, you’d probably lose 2-3kg. Human bodies are made up of 70% of water after all.

C: Sauna only makes you feel refreshing.

I: Sauna makes you feel good. I think that, in itself, is nice too. It’s just that only fat people think that they can lose weight wearing down jacket. 

(t/n: I might’ve translated it a bit harsh, but I don’t think he meant it in a bad way. Please don’t be offended.)

C: Did you tell that to him?

I: I told him a lot of things. Something like “you’re gonna die” or “you’re gonna have your limbs amputated”. I have a younger friend who’s slightly diabetic, I think. He had always been fat, though he sometimes went on diet. His family knew a lot of people in the medical field, so they kept telling him to go to hospital. When he did the examination, he was told that he had a chance of getting diabetes. But Goubaru is a slob, so he wouldn’t visit hospital by his own volition, though I’m not qualified to say that since I also don’t really visit hospitals. He might be in a worse condition since he wouldn’t get checked up, so I think it’s best for him to lose weight.

I: Why being fat is not good for your health is because when the fat dissolves in your blood, the blood vessels will get clogged. That’s why I think it’s not good.

C: How much is your body fat percentage (BFP)?

I: How much is it…I’m not aiming to be ridiculously skinny or whatever. The average would be around 16-17%? It’d be great if I can get there. When I was on a rigorous diet, my BFP was as low as 13%. Some people are able to get to 10%. I wonder how they do that?

I: I’ve heard from someone about Goubaru’s body fat percentage. I’ve been talking about him, but his BFP is scary. It seems like he has 45% of fat in his body. He is nothing but a lump of fats already. The mother in Atashinchi (a classic manga) is also the same. Do you guys know Atashinchi? The mother is kinda fat. She’s also has around 45% BFP I think.

C: How much does Goubaru weigh?

I: I think he already surpassed 100kg, but I don’t know about now.

C: To be able to surpass 100kg is a talent.

I: Right. I’ve heard about that in Bananaman’s (Japanese comedy duo) radio or something. Mr. Himura (a member of Bananaman) was around 90kg at that time, though I don’t know his weight now. It’s probably around 10 years ago. He said he’s weighed more than 100kg, and that weighing 105 kg is a talent. 100kg was like the threshold for your body and you surpassed that limit.

C: There’s someone like Goubaru in my class.

I: But you don’t know him. Do you mean him having the same weight?

C: My classmate who weighs over 100kg broke the school chair just by sitting on it.

I: The weight is one thing, but even though chairs could withstand heavy amount of load, they’re not durable. Goubaru’s chair made a few scary noises whenever he sat down. It sounded similar to the sound effect of the door being opened in Inagawa Junji’s (an actor & ghost storyteller) ghost stories. I thought Mr. Junji was there.

Part 2

[avmisworld]

Jungkook as your boyfriend:

●     Y'all know Jungkook is MAJOR bf material

●     The cutest bean uwu

●     At the start of your relationship he was probably a bit awkward

●     The poor guy is so inexperienced he forgot what it's like talking to a girl who isn't doing his makeup lol

●     Is scared to do something you won't like so he's always really careful with his words and actions

●     Eventually he'll ease into it and become the shameless loving crackhead you know today

●     But sometimes he'll still get a little shy

●     Whenever he says something too cheesy or makes a cute mistake or you compliment him

●     Always has the cutest bunny smile during these moments

●     Always puts your needs before his own

●     If you're a foreigner, he'll spend hours learning your native language

●     Even though you know Korean and you have no problem communicating uwu

●     Makes sure you're eating well and sleeping enough

●     Even when he's on diets and sleeps two hours a day max :(

●     Always insists to help you even if you don't need it

●     "Y/N, let me help you"

●     "Babe, I'm combing my hair..?"

●     Is always ready to tell you how amazing and beautiful you are whenever you get insecure about your body and talents :'(

●     Is legitimately confused why you would ever be insecure in the first place

●     When he is insecure tho

●     You just tell him the harsh truth

●     That he's the world's cutest, most talented and golden bunny, and he's precious to ARMY and to his members uwu

●     Tells you he loves you at least a hundred times a day just to see you blush and avoid his eyes cutely

●     His favorite thing is making you laugh

●     Loves it when you make him laugh as well

●     He's an hilarious person so he doesn't have to try much to succeed

●     Loves to make funny faces at you during one of your fake-serious banters

●     You two have a shit ton of private jokes (wtf is funny about a plastic cup????)

●     You live on sending each other memes and stupid videos of people falling down stairs lmfao

●     You two are severe crackheads oof

●     It's very likely to find the two of you awake at 3 am having a dance party or karaoke after too much wine

●     Constantly having tickle fights, wrestling matches, pillow fights, what not

●     Do not forget that JK is a savage little shit

●     And that doesn't change because you are his girlfriend *sigh*

●     Teases you about everything and anything

●     Places things high up on purpose just so he can show up later with his chest puffed out and take it down for you with a smirk

●     "Did I hear a damsel in distress?"

●     But makes sure not to take it too far uwu

●     This kid is competitive af omg

●     A relationship with him means turning everything into some race or bet

●     "I bet I can finish this hot dog faster than you"

●     "Whoever brushes their teeth faster gets to shower first!"

●     You see this a lot when the two of you game as well

●     There is no way you can date Jeon Jungkook without playing Overwatch at least once lol

●     Video game tournaments

●     He wins most of the time but if he'll ever lose it's because he let you smh

●     Is competitive also when it comes to other people

●     Always has to prove to you that he's the best and that you made the right choice dating him

●     Like you would ever doubt that pffft

●     Whenever someone impresses you Jungkook would just jump out and be like

●     "That's pretty cool, but did you see the new move I learned?" *breaks neck*

●     Going to a fun fair would just be you going back home with a truckload of plushies from Jungkook winning in all the booths kfkfkd

●     Dates with him are so cute and fun

●     He loves taking you out sm

●     It doesn't matter if it's movie night, ramen dates, dinner dates, lunch dates, beach dates, amusement park dates, coffee dates, workout dates, study dates, ice-skating dates

●     Jungkook's inner child always comes out with you

●     Probably because he never really got the time to be a real child :(

●     You're the only person aside from his members and family who gets to see the real him

●     He's so whipped for you

●     Literal heart eyes

●     Can't stop staring at you with twinkling eyes and a wide bunny smile

●     When you catch him he'll look away and blush but he'll feel satisfied when he sees you blush as well uwu

●     He finds everything you do adorable and can't help but send you bashful laughs and affectionate gazes

●     even if he won't admit it kkk

●     Compliments you all the time

●     Compliments about your looks, your outfits, your smallest, most insignificant achievements uwu

●     Always notices the small things about you that no one else does

●     "Wow, Y/N, these new earrings look so good on you, babe"

●     Basically Jungkook loves to spoil you hehe

●     Buys you presents all the damn time

●     You don't encourage him to do so because you hate feeling like he's your sugar daddy or smth and you aren't with him from his money

●     But he just can't help it when he sees something he knows you'll like

●     Spends more time shopping for you than for himself

●     But it's all worth the gleam of excitement in your eyes when you see his presents

●     Even if you playfully slap him and pout

●     "I told you to stop wasting money on me!"

●     Also makes you his own personal presents uwu

●     Usually gives you them before he goes on tour to cheer you up

●     Anything from portraits of you he drew secretly, to paintings of beautiful landscapes, to songs he wrote for you, to a collage of pictures you took of you

●     Jungkook loves taking pictures and videos of you

●     Takes snaps of you secretly cause he knows you're shy uwu

●     His camera roll and gallery is entirely filled with pictures of you sleeping, eating, laughing, smiling, staring, talking, etc…

●     Plus cute selfies and candid shots of the two of you with huge grins and arms wrapped around each other

●     And memey selfies of the two of you that you would literally bury yourself if anyone would find lol

●     Also has little, random videos of you just scrolling on your phone or something

●     "Y/N, look at mee~~"

●     It's really hard when Jungkook leaves for tour for both of you

●     Late night video calls almost every day

●     Even when Kook is after a concert, with his eyelids sticking to each other like glue π-π

●     Calls you half asleep and the two of you just talk about meaningless stuff until one of you falls asleep uwu

●     Sends you snaps all day of him and the guys and everything they're doing

●     Does it so you'll see he's having fun and staying healthy

●     Wants you to do the same so you send him selfies of you and your boring university lifestyle

●     He insists that he finds it interesting and that he wants to see your face

●     "I can't be deprived of touching you and seeing you! It's too much."

●     Doesn't answer texts ever so you mostly communicate through phone/video calls and snaps/memes

●     When he comes back from tour you wait for him at the airport

��     His face lights up when he sees you and he smiles so wide π-π

●     No matter how exhausted he is he runs to you like a lighting bolt

●     Hugs you tightly and twirls you around while the other members watch fondly

●     One of the few times he'll agree to so much PDA

●     Usually he doesn't really like being too touchy in public

●     But he always holds your hand just to make sure you're next to him, safe and sound uwu

●     Brings you so much souvenirs from his trip abroad to make you feel like you were there with him

●     Snow globes, magnets, clothes, key chains, plushies…

●     All of it to remind you he thought about you every single day he was away

●     When you're together you're so domestic

●     If it's making food together, Jungkook teaching you BTS' newest choreo, working out, or even cleaning the house together

●     Nothing's boring with Jungkook

●     He's a whole different person when you're alone

●     Calls you sweet nicknames like "baby", "babe", "jagi", "princess" and "angel"

●     He's singing all day so it feels like your constantly stuck in "The Greatest Showman"

●     But you can't really complain cause Gukkie's sweet honey voice is your favourite thing to hear

●     Sometimes he'll talk to you in songs only to piss you off

●     But most of the time he'll sing to you when you can't sleep or when you feel sad or sick

●     He'll comb his hands through your hair gently while he sings to you softly *heart-attack*

●     Picks you up all the time

●     It might be because he loves to prove that he's strong enough to protect you and cherish you

●     But also because he loves hearing your shrieks of surprise and soft laughter

●     Piggybacks on the street, carrying you bridal style around the house, lifting you up like a baby in his arms when you playfully fight and twirling you around

●     Just all the time really

●     "Okay, okay, I'm sorry~~ Please let me down"

●     Because you live together when he's in Korea you're always stealing his clothes

●     He pretends to not like it and demands you to give it back to him

●     But if you're ever cold or in the need of some clothing he'll be the first to throw you his wardrobe

●     His slightly possessive nature feeds off seeing you all small and soft in his clothes

●     It probably turns him on tbh

●     Because of this he has a big thing for couple items as well

●     Whether it's outfits, phone cases, lockscreens, accessories, and eventually jewelry (like promise rings uwu)

●     Brags about you to the members 24/7

●     "Look at this picture I took of Y/N when she wasn't looking! Isn't she the prettiest?"

●     "Hyung, did you hear that Y/N was voted for best student in her class? Wah, I was really so impressed! She's a genius."

●     The members high-key tease him for it and say it's annoying

●     But they secretly think it's adorable how happy you make him and adore you so much for it fr

●     You getting along with the rest of the members so well makes Jungkook really happy

●     Even though he might get too protective sometimes

●     Gets jealous often and is horrible at hiding it despite not saying it directly smh

●     Watches from afar when you laugh at something Taehyung says, pinching his cheek lightly

●     His eyebrows are furrowed and he's tonguing his cheek like he always does when he's jealous

●     Eventually he has enough and comes over to you

●     Pecks your cheek or pulls you to sit in his lap and tells everyone about the date you have planned for tomorrow

●     "So, me and Y/N are planning to go to a picnic tomorrow at Han river…"

●     And you're trying so hard not to smile cause he's just being so obvious and you find it cute

●     A few time his jealousy leads to fights tho

●     Fighting with Jungkook in general is a rare occurrence

●     But when you do fight it can get pretty bad

●     Rather than shouting or losing his temper, Jungkook tends to shut himself off when the fight is serious

●     He stays quiet and talks only when it's necessary

●     "Whatever" "Do what you want"

●     It's mostly because he's afraid to say something he'll regret later

●     He'll probably leave the apartment and go to the gym/studio/dorm room to calm down and clear his head

●     Because both of you have big egos, it might take a few days to make up

●     If Jungkook's at fault, he will eventually swallow his pride and apologize to you

●     If it were the other way around tho

●     You're not going to hear a word from him until you admit you were at fault

●     No matter how much it'll hurt him to be away from you

●     Even after the fight is over it might take a little time for things to go back to how they were

●     Because Jungkook's pride and insecurities might get in the way of him approaching you

●     But with enough patience you'll be back to being the inseparable couple you were before

●     In case you think I forgot

●     Skinship is a must in your relationship

●     Jungkook loves to cuddle with you

●     He's always the big spoon, with his hands underneath your (his) shirt, just gently caressing the skin of your stomach and hips

●     Or with you laying on top of his chest, legs tangled together

●     A lot of times cuddling leads to heated make out sessions and even more

●     When he's troubled or exhausted he likes to nuzzle his head in the junction between your shoulder and neck and just breathe you in

●     Tight hugs when you see each other after a while with his hands pressing your face to his chest protectively

●     Back hugs are a must obviously

●     Creeps up behind you when you're working and scares the frick out of you when he wraps his arms around your waist

●     Loves forehead kisses because it's another opportunity to boast about how tall he is smh

●     Also cheek kisses, nose kisses, ear kisses, neck kisses, knuckle kisses and lip kisses ofc lol

●     Kisses you out of the blue and then pretends like nothing happened

●     "Sorry, I couldn't help it"

●     Lots of sweet, soft, loving kisses uwu

●     Has a thing for nibbling/biting you (mostly your earlobe/bottom lip/fingers)

●     Loves giving hickeys oml

●     It fits his possessive nature perfectly

●     The more people know you belong to him, the better

●     Loves when you sit in his lap skdjd

●     He wraps his arms around your stomach and pulls you closer so he can place his chin on your shoulder, occasionally leaving butterfly kisses all over your neck and shoulders

●     Also into cuter things like poking your cheeks when you do something cute, ruffling your hair, tickling you and pinching your cheeks and bopping your nose.

●     When it comes to bed, Jungkook is definitely a dom

●     Just like he is on stage kdkck

●     Puts your pleasure before his own and makes sure you're a 10474859% with whatever he's doing beforehand

●     Sex after a fight or after he gets jealous and needs to remind himself you're only his

●     Dirty talk ahhhh

●     He can also be soft tho

●     Like when he's making love to you omg my hearteu

●     Whispering praises and sweet words in your ear

●     Staring into your eyes with his dark, intense ones

●     Moans alot and likes it when you do too

●     Occasionally he lets you have the upper hand

●     Doesn't spend too much time on aftercare because he wants to go back to holding you as quickly as possible

●     The two of you fall asleep naked with your bodies completely tangled together

●     Also likes showering with you

●     less in a sexual way and more as another opportunity to pamper you

●     Scrubs you carefully and puts shampoo for you

●     Uses soap foam to grow you a fake beard this boi srsly

●     Basically he loves you like no one else and you're destined to be

●     The best boi there is <3

[mercuryonparklane]

An attempt at objectivity on the topic of Tayliz/a summary: Part 2

(Kind of...)

I’ve been busy with irl stuff the last week, so I haven’t been posting much lately. I finally have a day where I have nothing else to do and I’ve been considering making a post about where I currently stand on Tayliz/Gaylor in general for a while, so I thought now would be a good time to do that.

Disclaimer: I don’t know any of these people personally and this is all my own interpretation of publicly available information. I apologize for the length of this post...

I’ve been a Taylor fan since 2006 and a Gaylor since at least early 2009 when I was posting fanfics on LiveJournal (I stopped writing rpf a long time ago, btw). I’ve been in and out of the Gaylor fandom since then. I’ve created and deleted multiple blogs/accounts in the past 12+ years. I was mostly active between 2009 and 2015, but I did a lot of lurking during that time and only engaged when I felt I had something to contribute. 2015/2016 was a crazy time and I was going through some of my own stuff, so I stopped following Gaylor as closely for a while. I listened to reputation and Lover, I read the Gaylor theories, made a couple comments, and moved along. When folklore was released it drew me back in.

I created this blog in September 2020, before I even had an inkling that Liz might be more than just another name that has been thrown into the potential exes list, along with Claire C. and Kellie (I don’t believe either of those two had anything beyond friendship with Taylor). I had never looked into it too much because it seemed like there was not as much information as there was for the main 3 (Emily, Dianna, and Karlie). Now, after researching Tayliz for 5 months, I believe there is at least as much, if not more, to go on as there is for the main 3.

As for Taymily, I believe that, at the very least, Taylor had a massive crush on Emily. I don’t like to get too in-depth about that because there is a very suspect age gap. I’m not saying that those things don’t happen, but I will reiterate my statement from an earlier post that I am not comfortable essentially accusing someone of committing a crime when all that can be deciphered is that Taylor seemed to really care about her. I do think there are multiple songs about Emily.

I also believe that Taylor did date Dianna and possibly had some kind of relationship with Karlie. I think both of these possible relationships are long over at this point. Taylor may have been looking back on those relationships (along with others) in her last few albums. 

I still personally think it is possible that Taylor is a lesbian, but there are reasons to think she might be bi and I understand why people think that she is. I don’t really talk about the guys Taylor may have dated, but I will say that, to me, all of the boyfriends she had after high school seem like beards. I could be wrong, of course. There are way too many signs that she is queer for me to not think that she is at least bi.

There have always been sapphic themes in Taylor’s music, even in early songs like “Me And Britney” and “Angelina”. Her entire discography is littered with sapphic themes. In recent years, she has seemed to hint at being some form of queer in other ways as well. This has all been examined by others, so I won’t get into that in this post.

Anyway, on to Tayliz…

There is some compelling “circumstantial evidence” suggesting that there may have been something beyond friendship between Tayliz (a lot of this was covered in my first post and all of the information has been mentioned at some point on my blog):

They met multiple times between December 2006 and February 2009, when Liz first performed with Taylor, but it is hard to tell how well they knew each other at that time. Based on the information available, I actually think they might have even been close, or at least friendly, before Liz was hired, but I could be wrong.

The “official” story is that Liz met Taylor at a meet and greet in December 2006 and again in July 2007. She asked if she could sing for Taylor and Taylor gave her advice, including suggesting that she enter a talent contest and that she should move to Nashville. Some accounts say that Liz sang for Taylor in her dressing room, but I have never found a source for this part of the story.

Taylor wrote the following sentence about Liz in her blog on February 5, 2008, after performing on the competition show that Liz was a contestant on: “It sounds strange, but there was always something different about her that stuck out in my mind”. That is super suspect to me...

Taylor was the only musician to perform on the show, btw (although they did have the touring cast of HSM on the next week). Taylor allegedly said, during the interview portion of her appearance, that she knew Liz and that Liz had gone to “all” of her shows and meet and greets… whatever that means.

According to Liz, she moved to Nashville in June 2008 and sometime within the next 6 months she received a call to audition as a backup singer, but did not know for which artist she was auditioning. I feel like it would be an incredible coincidence that Taylor suggested she move to Nashville two years earlier, they met multiple times after that, and randomly Liz got a call to audition for Taylor without knowing it was for her within 6 months of moving there. I don’t know, maybe I’m being too skeptical, but it seems almost more of a reach to say that Taylor didn’t somehow have a hand in her getting that audition.

Liz already seemed very comfortable around Taylor in that picture with George Strait taken on the day of her first show with the band in February 2009.

At the one-off shows after Liz joined the band, there was a little skit between Taylor, Liz, and Grant during YBWM, where Grant played the love interest and Liz played the “Cheer Captain”. There was even a talking bit. During the Australia one-off shows, there was a talking bit before F&A where Taylor introduced Liz and they had a little conversation that ended similarly to the one Taylor has with the interviewer during the Fearless Tour. After this, they rarely interacted on stage. 

Taylor seemed to allow Liz’s input during the auditions for the Fearless Tour dancers, two months after she joined the band, and Taylor ended up hiring two of her friends.

Liz went with Taylor to visit Abigail at her university in Kansas two months after joining the band.

Taylor took Liz with her to see Britney Spears’ Circus Tour show in Chicago right after the Kansas trip.

Taylor said in an interview for Oprah’s website, released in May 2009, that Australia and Lawrence, KS were her two favorite places to visit, which just so happen to be two of the places she had recently been with Liz.

The fact that they shared a hotel room in London a few months after Liz joined the band. Caitlin, who had been in the band for a while at that point, and her mom were both there for that trip. Maybe Taylor was just happy to be able to hang out with another woman around her age. It seems strange, but it could be a completely platonic situation.

Taylor and the band, including Liz, recorded a cover of “American Girl” by Tom Petty (one of Liz’s favorite artists) in front of the Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon in May 2009. The secret message for “Sparks Fly” is “Portland, Oregon” and she mentions the Rose Garden in “The Lucky One”.

Taylor mentions going to dinner with Liz, seemingly just the two of them, in her vlog from May 29, 2009, which was around Liz’s birthday (May 27).

The amount of Liz content in the vlogs. Plus, the choice to put the line “I like where you sleep, when you sleep next to me” right before showing Liz sleeping on a couch (this was the trip where they shared a hotel room, which does make that fact more suspect, imo) and including the song “She (For Liz)” in another vlog, in which she dedicates a whole section to Liz’s habit of falling asleep “All. The. Time.”

In fact, in both of those vlogs, which were posted a year apart from each other (May 2009 and April 2010), Taylor wears a black dot shirt, in clips that include only her and Liz, that is similar to the one she wore in the IKYWT mv. 

Honestly, just go watch the video she made for Emily and then watch the vlogs after Liz joined the band… I just get a similar vibe in the clips she chose to include of both women.

They went to a Paramore concert together the weekend before Taylor hosted SNL in November 2009. At the concert, they were filmed by other attendees dancing next to each other on the balcony. One of the songs they were filmed dancing to is “That’s What You Get” and Taylor asked Hayley to perform that song with her (and the band, including Liz) at one of the Nashville shows on the SN Tour in 2011. In November 2019, Liz released her own song called “That’s What You Get” that sounds like it could be the opposite side of the relationship much of Red is about (and a couple other Taylor songs from other albums).

In Taylor’s Glamour interview published on 10/5/2010, she mentions that she designed the two guest rooms at her Nashville condo with Caitlin and Liz in mind. 

After tweeting about attending the Katy P. concert in Dublin with Taylor (and Grant and Caitlin) someone asked Liz what her favorite KP song was and she responded “Thinking Of You”. This is suspect because at the time Liz did have a bf, but she may have just liked the song and didn’t necessarily relate to it personally.

There are tweets from people who are either not really well-known or aren’t in the industry at all that mention Taylor and Liz hanging out outside of touring. They are mentioned together in quite a few tweets actually. They seemed to have a good number of mutual friends during that time (spring/summer 2009-fall 2012). After Liz left the band, Taylor stopped hanging out with most of those people, while Liz continues to maintain some of those friendships to this day. This could be explained by the fact that Taylor began spending less time in Nashville.

One such friend is the photographer who Taylor hired for Red. She is actually a longtime friend of Liz. Supposedly she took some photos of Liz that Taylor saw and Taylor hired her after that. There are some pictures from Taylor’s Red photoshoot that are similar to Liz’s photos.

There are rumors that Liz was fired, but the “official” story is that she left to pursue her own music.

Liz did not wish Taylor a happy birthday on twitter in 2012, which she had done in previous years. She did not tweet @ or mention Taylor for almost a year. Taylor didn’t respond to any of her tweets or mention her until October 2014.

Some of the songs Liz released in late 2012/early 2013 have similar lyrics/themes to Taylor’s music and may be about Taylor.

The lyric video for Liz’s song STFU&HM includes polaroid pictures with the song’s lyrics written on them and neon signs, which is basically the 1989 aesthetic. The actual mv has some potential parallels to the IKYWT mv. (side note: Liz specified in an interview that the kind of “sour candy” she is singing about in the song is Watermelon Sour Patch, which Taylor mentioned in the June 2008 issue of Teen Vogue was something that she “couldn’t live without”)

The love interest wears a key necklace in the STFU&HM mv and Taylor wears one in the IKYWT mv.

The bridge of IKYWT is very similar to lyrics from a song by Patty Griffin called “Nobody’s Crying”. Liz once said that Patty is her favorite singer (this was when she was still in Taylor’s band) and has mentioned her and that particular song multiple times over the years. Side note: Taylor mentioned last year that another one of Patty’s songs was the inspiration for “betty”.

Liz played the other woman in the mv for TSOU and in the photoshoot for SN. At the end of the mv for her song “H8U”, Liz interrupts her love interest’s wedding and kisses his tall, blonde, curly haired bride.

This one could be a crazy coincidence, but Liz recorded the backing vocals on a song called “Dear John” that was written by the backup dancer who came out to Taylor during the Fearless Tour. Btw, by no means am I saying DJ is about Liz because that would make zero sense.

Liz’s birthday is on one of the board games in the “Lover” mv that reference “Cruel Summer”. Most people think CS is about Karlie and that makes sense, but it also seems to reference “Love Story”, which was potentially written sometime around when Taylor performed on the show Liz was a contestant on. I don’t know if LS is about Liz and I am not trying to claim that, but it is interesting. Even if it’s not, they performed that song together a lot and Liz helped out with the onstage costume change during that song. CS could be about her experiences with both Liz and Karlie. Or it could just be about Karlie and the date in the “Lover” mv has nothing to do with Liz’s birthday.

In “the 1” and “dorothea”, Taylor potentially references Liz’s song “Never Know” and by reference, I mean that she essentially uses the exact same lyrics: “I guess you never know, you never know” = “I guess you never know, never know” and “I guess I’ll never know” = literally just the same line. Not to mention in “dorothea” Taylor also sings “Do you ever stop and think about me?” and in NK Liz sings “I wonder if you think about me” right before the line “I guess I’ll never know”. I am not saying that either of those songs are about Liz, but it is interesting, especially since Liz tweeted about “the 1”, which was the thing that really sent me on my deep dive into Tayliz.

The “cardigan” looks like the cardigan she wears in the first vlog she included Liz in. It could be nothing, but it is interesting because I have a theory that Liz is the first woman she had a “relationship” with and that “cardigan” is about Liz, Dianna, Karlie, and possibly some other women she might have dated/been with.

These are just some of the highlights and are more focused on the facts as opposed to some of my more tinfoil hat, fun, crack theory stuff or just some of the things that are loosely related to Liz or might involve a little (or a lot of) reaching to connect them to her.

Everything I have mentioned could just be a series of strange coincidences, even though there appears to be quite a few of them. Whether anything ever happened between them or it was just one of those intense, romantic friendships that some women tend to have, I don’t really know. Based on what I have seen, I tend to think there was something going on there beyond friendship, but possibly it was never anything official.

Liz seemed to have a boyfriend most of the time that Tayliz were working together/hanging out, which is one of the main things that makes me question my own theory. Of course, it is always possible that she had something with Taylor, while she also had a boyfriend. There are many reasons for that (poly, closeted, etc.), so that does not exclude the idea that she may have actually been involved with two people at one time and one of those people could have been Taylor.

If they were together in some capacity, while Liz also had a boyfriend, it could explain the messy relationship that Taylor seemed to write about during that time. I think it is possible that Emily was just a crush and Liz was her first actual experience with another woman where the feelings were reciprocated to some degree. OR they could have just been really good friends and I am utterly, completely wrong. 

Maybe Taylor is just a straight girl, who doesn’t realize that she’s been sending signals that she is queer for years. Whenever that thought crosses my mind, I think about all of the things she has said and done that imply she may not be straight and I just can’t help thinking that it is intentional. I don’t think she is queerbaiting or unintentionally signaling that she might be queer. I think she is queer and has dropped multiple hints to suggest that over the years.

Anyway… Liz has a bf right now and seems to be in a good place, so let’s let her be, please. I hope we get some more new music from her soon.

As far as researching Tayliz goes, I’ll probably keep looking into it when I have time, but at this point I think I have seen pretty much all there is to see (of the content available online currently). I’ll be waiting for the songs from Taylor’s “vault” to drop to see if there are any potential connections there (at least in the “vault” songs for Fearless, Speak Now, and Red).

In conclusion (TL;DR)...

My personal opinion is that there is enough “circumstantial evidence” to include Liz on the list of Taylor potential exes. For me the Gaylor timeline looks something like this:

(Fair Warning: this is all total speculation based on song lyrics and other information that is publicly available)

Summer 2006-December 2007: Taylor develops a crush on Emily. Emily possibly finds out somehow and it doesn’t go over well (OR it does). She is fired from the band AND maybe she is paid off to pursue other interests…

2008/2009- Spring (Summer? Fall?) 2012: Taylor has an on/off relationship with Liz, while Liz also dates men. The relationship may have even started developing as early as the first time they supposedly met back in December 2006, but Taylor definitely was feeling something by the time she posted that blog in February 2008. It’s complicated and non-exclusive. Maybe Taylor wanted more of a commitment and maybe there were promises made that things could/would change, but they never did. By the time she started hanging out with Dianna she was ready to move on. So, she ended things in March/April… but still met up with Liz a couple times after (possibly as friends). 

Taylor may have also dated Julianne H. at some point in 2008/2009.

Spring 2012-Fall 2013 (?): Taylor has an on/off relationship with Dianna that may have ended, in part, due to interference from Taylor’s team. Maybe it is the one relationship with a woman that could have actually developed into something more concrete, but maybe that also scared Taylor a bit.

Winter 2013/Early 2014-Fall 2016: Taylor has an on/off relationship with Karlie, while Karlie is also involved with Josh (hence my comment about how CS could be about her experiences with both Liz and Karlie because they may have been similar circumstances, where sometimes they were single and other times they had a serious bf). 

Fall 2016-Present: There are at least a couple potential girlfriends within this timeframe. I lean towards Tily being a thing from at least fall 2016-Summer 2019. I am open to Zaylor and I do find it interesting, but I’m not as sold on that one. I personally do not think Taylor is with Joe nor do I think that Joe is WB.

The straight explanation could be that Taylor gets into really, intensely close friendships with other women and eventually they grow apart and move on with their lives. 

The funny thing is that I remember Taylor once saying something about how after a breakup, she completely cuts that person off. That fits with her relationships (whatever the nature) with Liz, Dianna, and Karlie. With each of these women, Taylor shared a friend group with them, but Taylor seemed most interested in them. She has had a few friendly/cordial interactions with them, but she seems to have completely separated her life from them after their “friendships” ended. In fact, she moved to entirely different cities on opposite sides of the country (and in one case a different country, with a whole ocean in between) after she stopped hanging out with them.

That’s where I stand and it’s not really much different from where I was back in October when I posted my first summary on Tayliz. 

Although, I do have more information now than I did then that leads me to think something was going on. 70% of the time I am convinced they had a relationship beyond friendship and 30% of the time I think they were only ever friends. 99.9% of the time I think I am a clown.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I am inclined to believe that Tayliz is more likely to have had some sort of relationship than Taymily and is slightly less likely to have happened than Swiftgron and Kaylor. Other Gaylors might think they were only coworkers or friends. I’m not out to convince anyone. I am just presenting the information I have found and I don’t mind a friendly discussion/debate if anyone wants to talk about it.

[platypanthewriter]

Strangest 1: Pandora’s Trunk

Strangest takes place the same night as the climax of season two, after Steve and Billy’s fight and Joyce Byer’s BF died.  (Did Tumblr eat chapters 1-3?  Did I never post them?  I do not know!  I couldn’t find them, so here’s the first!)

It totally made sense that Max would stay with Lucas and Dustin in the blanket fort that was taking over the living area of the Byers house. And of course El and Mike had laid claim to the table, where it looked like they were assembling crowns and helmets, of Will’s design.

Mrs. Byers and Hopper had taken over Adulting, which was a relief, and Steve had ducked out amidst a general explosion of affectionate profanity and hair ruffling. Through the window, he could see them tearing hot chocolate packets open--he watched Mrs. Byers teasing the kids with different mismatched mugs, and cocked his head. He didn’t really fit in there, he thought, in the blanket fort, or in the tense kitchen after the kids retreated to their realm. He definitely didn’t belong wherever Jonathan and Nancy had disappeared to. It made sense for him to leave.

The fog had lifted, and he willed his shoulders to unclench, all the while trying to figure out the closest place to his bed to hide his bat. An evening project to keep him from thinking about his completely empty house. His house was also fine, since he was not injured, or twelve years old, and had working light switches. Logically, it was over. His brain just wasn’t catching up to breaking news.

He sat more heavily against the Camaro, and it thumped back, which provoked an, again, entirely logical windmilling tumble as Steve tried to keep the bat and both eyes pointed at it all the while scrambling away on three limbs. After a moment of eye-burning terror, he recognized the pattern of sound as kicking and a lot of things Max’ brother probably didn’t need to be calling her, and he stood with a nervous spin, yanking his jacket straight.

He took a breath and held it, rolling his shoulders as he looked back at the cheerily lit Byer’s house with every light on, and back to the car bouncing with the booted feet slamming against the inside of the trunk. After several paced circuits of the car, Billy’s voice had stopped threatening. He was laughing, slamming himself around in there, his voice getting higher. Steve scrabbled at his hair, sliding his hands down to cover his face. He really wasn’t sure any kind of logic applied to Billy Hargrove.

If he let Billy out here, he might just run in there and Hopper would have to shoot him, in front of a ton of little shitheads who had barely escaped being eaten by monsters today. If he just...drove him to his house, somebody would eventually let him out, and...would Max let him out?! Steve groaned to himself, long and slow, because if they were anything like Steve’s parents, Billy Hargrove’d be no trouble to anyone ever again, after he died because nobody looked for him and Steve Harrington knowingly left a human being in the trunk of a car. 

Steve took a few deep breaths, idly walking back around to regard the open car window, and the keys on the seat. He looked back at the house for one long hopeful moment, to see Hopper patting Joyce on the back as she threw weak punches into his shoulders, flailing before he caught her against his jacket. They swayed there in silhouette, their shoulders shaking. Steve sighed. He kicked the trunk. The thumping stopped, then exploded again, and Steve banged again.

“Listen,” he started, and the banging stopped, for long enough that Steve thought it would have been better if he had something to say. “I didn’t leave you in there, and I can’t let you out--” the banging started again in earnest, along with a lot of “fuck”s, “bitch”s, and demands about Max--it was a good thing Hopper’d put music on in the house. “Max is fine! She’s inside--I’ll let you out somewhere else, do you want me to take you home, or--” the thumping stopped.

“Where the fuck is that freak, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill you, you fucking--” Steve banged the trunk again, and Billy pounded back, screaming incoherently.

“Mrs. Byers called your house, Max is staying over!” he tried, on the off-chance this could just suddenly turn into a normal, post-monster, partially kidnapped conversation. “I’LL TAKE YOU HOME, THEN,” he said loudly into the seam of the trunk, and Billy started struggling again.

“Max has to go home,” the muffled, furious voice yelled back, pounding and scraping at the inside of the trunk loudly enough that he was probably injuring himself, and Steve thought it was completely unfair the death threats were still audible. “I’ll be back here the second you open this fucking trunk, Harrington, I’ll drag her back by the fucking hair, I’ll tie it to my car, I’ll run over her corpse, I’ll drive through their fucking house--”

Peaceful options exhausted, Steve climbed in the car, leaning his face on the steering wheel as the car shook with Billy’s screaming fury, and took another deep breath. Count on Steve Harrington to forget how to breathe, he thought, only been doing it for sixteen years. Only Steve Harrington wouldn’t have figured it out enough to let it run in the background. By the time they were halfway to Steve’s house, Billy’d stopped yelling. Occasionally there’d be another kick.

By the time Steve pulled in the garage, he was worried enough about exhaust fumes as a new method of involuntary manslaughter he ran right around and banged on the trunk about six times. “Hargrove! William Whatever Hargrove, you answer me, say you’re alive.” He leaned against it, panting, feeling like he’d aged sixty years in body and vocabulary. The trunk thumped back, and Steve slid down to sit against it, reminding himself to breathe, which was apparently something he did now. He’d probably fail his remaining classes, trying to study while remembering to breathe. How would he hold down a job? He’d show up for the interview and have to say “I’m Steve Harrington, and sometimes I forget to breathe.”

The trunk was silent again, and after a while getting his lungs some breathing practice again--maybe they’d take to it--Steve thumped it again. “We’re at my place. If I let you out and call for pizza will you please not kill anyone.” It came out tiredly even.

“What the fuck,” came from the trunk. “Gonna get the police here, tell ‘em I attacked you like a psycho, have your mommy and daddy hold yo--”

Steve banged the heel of his hand on the trunk again. “Nobody else is here. Look, it’s pizza or trunk. We can figure this out in the morning. Promise you won’t do anything to Max.”

The banging in the trunk was taking on a rhythm, and Steve banged over it. “Fucker. Tell me you won’t rat Max out, I’ll let you out.”

Billy began screaming lyrics to his beat, and Steve groaned, letting his head thunk against the trunk, before doing the math on how long Billy’d been in there, and how little he knew about the random syringe Max had shot him up with, and he opened the trunk. Billy’s ankles and wrists were duct-taped together, wedged in, and he swore roundly as he tried to cover his face. “Come on,” Steve sighed, standing to the side where he hoped he was out of range, but reaching over to rip the duct tape off Billy’s ankles. Billy was laughing, inexplicably, holding his arms over his face.

Steve sighed. “Can you walk.”

“Anyway you want, Princess,” Billy giggled.

“Come on,” Steve stood over by the door, arms crossed as he watched Billy kick a bit out the side of the trunk, then get himself rolled sideways. He scrabbled before landing on the cement with a thud, and lay there, laughing harder. It was starting to sound growly again, and Steve rethought his impulse to offer help. “I’m getting pepperoni. With olives.”

When Billy finally staggered in from the garage, Steve had called for the pizza. He turned to see the door slam shut, and Billy slide down it, gnawing at the duct tape around his wrists. His hands were purple.

Steve slammed a few kitchen drawers and stalked over with the carving knife, and Billy went very still, watching him crouch, and allowing him to pull the duct tape close enough to slide the knife up.

When Steve finished slicing, he tossed the knife behind him at random, grabbing one purple hand and rubbing it until it felt like a hand again and not a dissection frog. “Jesus. Max thought you were gonna kill me. And Lucas. Don’t sell her out.”

Billy drew a shaky breath. “And you’re not gonna tell your fancy lawyer dad I broke your face.”

“...my dad’s not a lawyer,” Steve frowned at him, --“Hopper’d probably have locked you up.” He placed the warmed hand on Billy’s knee, and moved on to rub life back into the other one.

“So I behave,” Billy sneered. “Be a good little cunt.”

“Wish the fucking pizza would get here,” Steve muttered, sinking down against the arm of the couch that let him see the whole living room, kitchen, and stairs. When the pizzas arrived, his kidnapping victim shoved by him to drop into that favoured spot on the couch, and Steve sighed.

When morning came, Steve called Max, and she agreed to Billy picking her up for a ride home. After he left, Steve stood in his silent house, getting a little more breathing practise in as his vision started to haze around the edges, thinking of all the things Billy Hargrove wasn’t, like an underground tunneler, or a demogorgon. Billy Hargrove was from Risky Business, not Alien. He was the sweaty “enhanced human” Khan.

Steve forgot about his breathing regimen entirely as he imagined Billy Hargrove in the cast from Grease, and laughed ‘til he choked. Shaking his head, he leaned back against the door, and rubbed his face. All day at school when his brain started to remind him of the previous week, he’d imagine Billy Hargrove as Danny Zuko, shimmying down his Camaro with Tommy behind him trying to carry a tune.

Hopper called that day, to tell him that Mr. Hargrove had called the cops the last two nights on Billy driving around at night, and they’d escorted him home from close to Steve’s house. “In case he ran somebody over drunk. I hear stuff, kid.” The doubt came clearly through his voice. “I don’t know that he’s headin’ for you, but I don’t know that he’s not.” Steve took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, completing the line for himself--maybe keep that bat handy.

“Thanks, Hopper,” he tried the nickname aloud.

Hopper huffed a laugh and hung up.

Billy Hargrove was back at Steve’s house three nights later, serenading under his window. Steve looked longingly at his ski boots, but lifted the sash without projectiles in hand. “What the hell,” he shouted back.

“Lemme in or I’ll tell my dad you offer rides to Max all the time!” Billy yelled up. “Alone!”

Steve, who had gone to an in-class-only new sleeping schedule, suddenly wished his vocal cords could produce the earsplitting rage screeches from Ghostbusters, but let his head thud against the glass in surrender before he went down and unlocked the door. “The fuck do you want, Hargrove,” he squinted up at the moon. “Are you a werewolf, is this where I die.” Later, he’d think, that moment would have been the time to call Hopper.

Billy shouldered him aside as he opened the door, cigarette in hand and reeking of sweat, cologne, beer, and...cooking sherry? It was both reminiscent of and an improvement on Steve’s great-aunt, who usually smelled like baby powder, cat pee, and creme de menthe. Steve’s lungs apparently appreciated it, because they decided to do their job for once without his constantly reminding them. He scrabbled angrily at his hair, before tromping into the kitchen to start making some Folger’s. When the microwave beeped, he stirred in about half the remaining jar of crystals, and went to see why there was no noise happening anywhere.

The couch was covered in Violent Highschool Stranger, under a blanket. Steve dropped into a chair, watching the knee-lumps and elbow-lump stay very still. He wondered whether he’d sleep better upstairs with an unpredictable problem on the couch, and whether suggesting a movie would get his face beaten in--with admirable calm, he thought.

He also thought of not living alone--having a mom like Mrs. Byers, or a sister like Nancy, and imagined what they'd do if they came in and saw he'd brought Billy Hargrove, the guy who almost beat him to death, into his house twice. They'd probably murder him, he thought, and then murder Billy. And then him again--this had to be at least a three-murder event on the Stupidity Scale. Hopper would probably have even more to say. It was a strangely comforting thought, except they weren’t here, and Billy Hargrove was. He didn’t seem to want to break Steve’s nose again, but then he hadn’t given that much warning the first time, either.

Between Steve’s new not-sleeping regime and thinking about the Byer’s ceiling, map taped everywhere, Billy’s fists hitting his face, the world had just started to tilt a bit when the blanket said “Take a picture, Princess, you can jack off to it at night,” and Steve lifted his coffee stew and breathed in the smell.

“What didja think I did with that blanket,” he tried, and watched it get flung as Billy scrambled as far from it as possible, thudding onto his back off the side of the couch, and Steve realized he was laughing again, wheezing with his hand against his face. When he finally looked up, Billy was brushing himself off, straightening his jacket, and Steve imagined the look on his own face after his trunk had thumped back. “Nah, I didn’t.” He patted his lip where the grin had stretched it, glancing down to check for blood. “Much.” When Billy’s hackles raised further, Steve shouted over his rising glower. “How about Star Wars?”

“Hell is wrong with you,” Billy muttered, but settled in the corner of the couch, apparently waiting for Steve to set up the movie. By the time C-3P0 was trying to get to Obi-Wan, Billy’d passed out against the arm, his boots tucked up between the cushions. The smell of cooking sherry intensified, and the glint Steve noticed against the black leather and laces proved to be a hunk of broken glass. There was more in the boot treads, and he could see a couple very small pieces caught in Billy’s shirt and hair. It was hard not to imagine the bank-robbing explosion Billy Hargrove would be walking away from, but his car was parked right out front, hard to miss, if the cops were looking for him. Steve had never seen a SWAT team. Count on them to miss out on actual monsters and chase Billy Hargrove to his house, he thought, indignantly sleepy, and shivered awake hours later, to fogging breath and the white noise of the TV. He groaned, leaning forward to flap one arm at the remote, and switched off the TV. In the dark, he realized the slight rasp of Billy’s breathing had stopped.

“...don’t die on my couch,” he mumbled, frowning into the darkness, which remained dark, but the normal, fridge-humming kind of dark, not the strange blue fluttering darkness where Dustin had screamed. He breathed in stale cigarette smoke and cooking sherry.

Billy snorted. “Just for you.”

He was back in the safer kind of movie, again, Steve thought muzzily, kids having sleepovers. There were movies where killers interrupted sleepovers, but they were humans, not monsters, and anyway he was not actually having a slumber party with Billy Hargrove: Probable Bank Robber. He felt around next to the couch for the blanket, and pulled it clumsily over them. It occurred to him he hadn’t actually asked. “Sooooo...you rob a bank?” he tried, keeping it casual.

“Sure did,” Billy scoffed, “--shot four guys, too. And there’s a stolen police car out there.”

“Oh, it’s that kind of movie.” Steve squirmed down against the back of the couch, letting his head fall against his arms in the safe darkness. The blanket fell over his face.

“You’re not going to call the cops and tell them you’ve got a bank robber?” Billy kicked him, and Steve batted weakly at his foot, eyes sliding shut again.

“Watch it, you--broken glass...shoe.”

He woke to the fading smell of cooking sherry, and blinked slowly at the ceiling, the sudden deep sleep disorienting after he’d thought he’d never sleep again outside of Biology class. “...wha--um,” he muttered, scrambling to look around. There was no sign of his home invader. He wondered how many murders “falling asleep with Billy ‘bank punching’ Hargrove a foot away” rated on the Idiot Scale, he had to be up to, oh, at least four. He felt a weird temptation to ask Nancy before first period. He fiddled with his locker, considering it. The line between her brows deepened, and probably became downright thunderous as he grinned awkwardly at she and Jonathan, turned on his heel, and walked off.

That day after basketball, in the showers, Tommy guffawed at the hand-shaped bruises on Billy’s upper arms. “Where were you last night? All night long, huh?” He leered, shifted to making long groans and grunting noises, and before Steve could catch himself, words fell out of his mouth.

“Those are huge, though, is your girlfriend Sylvester Stallone or--” he yelped as Billy shoved him against the wall, grin manic.

“What you trying to say, pretty boy King Steve?”

“I think he’s calling you a--” Tommy smacked the wall and showerhead on his way to the floor as Billy shoved his face. “A fucking faggot,” he yelled triumphantly, from the floor, as Steve wondered why he was allowed to open his mouth, ever, at all, and Billy tried to swing around and punch him and almost fell on his ass.

“It was my fucking dad, okay, it’s no big deal. My dad,” Billy was screaming between them, as they both dodged around, until the teacher and half the class shoved their way in and pulled him away. Steve fled. He dressed wondering how many more deserved Stupidity Murders he’d earned, getting in the communal shower with the guy who’d beaten his face in, and then opening his dumb fuckhead mouth and suggesting he’d had sex with Rambo. Nancy was in the hall listening to Billy yelling inside, when Steve ducked out of the locker room with his pants on but half his head still soapy, and she helped him rinse his hair in the drinking fountain.

“I think you and Hopper and Jonathan’s mom need to murder me about eleven times,” he told her, laughing, as he wiped water from his eyes. “I think I just asked Hargrove if he was gay, in the shower.” Her mouth fell open.

“Uh,” her eyebrows drew together as she looked at the locker room, but her mouth quirked, “--should we be running, then?”

“I probably should carry my bat,” he laughed, feeling around his ears one more time for soap, then grimacing and digging around in his bag for a sweaty gym shirt to rub on his head. When he pulled it out, she looked even more disgusted than he felt.

“I’ve got dry clothes in my locker. You can at least use a clean shirt.” She stuck her tongue out, trotting confidently off. “Bleah.”

Steve’s unfriendly neighborhood home invader didn’t reappear for over a week, but falling asleep to movies apparently worked, so he re-watched the beginnings of Rambo, Tron, and The Last Unicorn, discovered he could not fall asleep to Monty Python, and bought a much larger jar of Folger’s for mornings when even the dulcet tones of Winnie the Pooh hadn’t let his lungs work through the night without reminder.

The next time Billy showed up he just banged on the door, startling Steve out of the haze he’d fallen into during a Secret of NIMH song. Steve groaned, flapped unproductively at the remote to stop the animated mice, and then stumbled to his feet to make the door-abuse stop. The pounding continued through his shouted “I’m coming! I’m coming! ” until Billy Hargrove nearly fell in on top of him, half naked, and began hopping into the other half of his jeans.

“...what the hell.” Steve stared.

“What is that noise.” Billy scrambled to pull his jacket on, shivering, and nearly elbowed Steve in the face.

“...uh, it’s, um, mice?” Steve blinked at Billy’s face, which looked like it needed some frozen peas. “Uh. Lemme get you some frozen peas.” Billy tried to slam by him as usual, but Steve wasn’t good at basketball for nothing, and slid by the predictable motion on the way to the freezer. He tossed over the peas, proudly not adding to his Stupidity Gauge by getting within five feet of the half-naked feral in his kitchen. It seemed unlikely Billy had accused anyone of having sex with Sylvester Stallone in a communal shower, but the parallels to his Eleven On The Stupidity Murder Scale day were hard to discount. The shiner he was sporting looked exactly like Steve would have gotten if he hadn't escaped to the hallway. Focus, he thought.

“Make me some of that coffee,” Billy was shivering, glaring at the peas. If he’d been anyone else, Steve would have teasingly explained how to press frozen peas against a black eye, but given their last interaction, he just let his lips thin.

“Hot chocolate? I’ve got marshmallows.”

The furious disbelief Billy had focused on the peas turned to Steve’s face, amplified. “Did you just offer me marshmallows.”

“I have some,” Steve sighed, taking down his blue mug, and one that said Happy Anniversary. After a pause, he returned the anniversary mug to the cupboard, and grabbed one with a robin on it, filled them both with water, and stuck the robin in the microwave.

“Marshmallows.”

“Look, if you don’t like marshmallows, don’t eat any.” He pulled out the bag, the Swiss Miss, and the instant coffee.

“Rainbow marshmallows,” Billy observed scornfully. “You’re girlier than Max.”

“Everyone’s girlier than Max, except Hopper and Mrs. Byers,” Steve sighed. “Coffee or chocolate. I mix them sometimes.”

“You rebel,” Billy snorted. “Gimme some marshmallows. You call the Sheriff ‘Hopper’?” He held out a hand, finally lifting the other to his face, and wincing as he placed the peas against the swelling bruise. Steve had seen enough marshmallow bags absconded with to just drop some in the outstretched hand, the bag protectively at his side. He watched Billy start to drop the whole handful in his mouth, wince as he tried to open his mouth wide, and begin eating one at a time. “...kinda got to know him. Me and El and the, y’know,” he held his hand at waist level, picturing Dustin’s indignant protest, “Muppet babies.”

“Yeah, how’d that happen?”

Steve reminded himself to breathe. “Barb died. Bob died. You should be careful, you’ve got half the ‘b’s in your name.” He turned away as the microwave beeped.

“What.” Billy’s eyes narrowed.

“Is it raining?” Steve asked. “Why are you all wet?”

“Fuck off,” Billy said around his mouthful of marshmallows, and Steve shrugged, presenting the steaming mug, a spoon, the box of chocolate mix, and the Folger’s.

“I give you the bird,” he said grandly, tossing his mug in the microwave. Billy snorted, dumping three chocolate packets in the mug, and making grabby hands for the marshmallows.

Steve surrendered the bag, leaning against the counter by the microwave. He watched Billy wipe the water away that was trickling down his neck, and try to pretend he wasn’t shaking, dripping wet, in November. Steve stomped off for a towel, returning to throw it to Billy just before the microwave beeped. “Gimme back those girly marshmallows,” Steve began dumping powders in his mug, stirring industriously, before topping it with a pile of rainbow.

Billy stalked off to take Steve’s spot on the couch, before sliding off to flip through the laserdiscs. “Gonna punch these mice,” he muttered, lifting one, and flipped it to read the back. "You have movies for grownups? Whaddaya do when there aren't, like, singing frogs, you just fall asleep or--?"

"Oh no, not that one," Steve breathed, horrified. "That's Nancy's, it gave me nightmares."

"...IRA bombers?" Billy frowned up incredulously.

"No! It's a romance, it's awful, the guy falls in love with the girl and she has a dick and she thought he KNEW--"

"What," Billy's voice had gone flat.

"That night I dreamt I was in bed with Nancy for the first time and she took my clothes off and I was dickless with a secret pussy--"

"Everyone knows that, Harrington--"

"Shut your face, it was horrible, she just kept patting my hand sadly and she's a problem solver, you know, she kept going to the kitchen and getting, like, a banana, and the pepper grinder--"

The laserdisc sleeve drummed softly at Billy's head as he shook with laughter.

"And she just looked more and more disappointed and finally she said she had to leave, she couldn't cope with a relationship where she had to satisfy herself with a garlic press, and she was sure I'd be happier moving on--" Steve had been laughing too, at the image of Nancy earnestly presenting him with carnally unsatisfactory kitchen gadgets, but he sighed, rubbing his face. "Usually when I dreamed she'd dump me it was because I was invisible, or she was the president and she caught me setting up a kegstand in the--"

"I'm gonna call you 'Secret Pussy' forever," Billy interrupted.

"You will the hell not--"

"What?!" Billy laughed harder.

"I'm not a secret pussy, I'm secretly Kurt Russell, all my..." he slid further down in the couch, curling around his snickers, "--ten out of ten trick-or-treaters agree."

"You telling me you're half-blind, because it'd explain--" The doorbell rang, over and over, like a blaring red alert, along with voices and the thump of bicycles against the side of the house, and Steve scrambled up to reach the entryway before Dustin, Mike, and Will all fell in at once. "We need hot chocolate," Dustin said confidently, and Steve grimaced, thinking fast, before inwardly throwing his hands up and outwardly yelling "BILLY! Put on the kettle for hot chocolate!"

Silence fell, all three kids going still, but after a few seconds the couch creaked, and Billy walked into the kitchen, and the sink turned on.

“Is he holding you hostage,” Dustin whispered, eyes wide as he leaned around Steve’s shoulders.

“He’s probably eating marshmallows.” Steve raised his eyebrows at them, wondering whether it was stupid or just evil to allow the kids around Billy, who’d settled in, in a weird way, but also probably bit occasionally. Unprompted. He didn’t want any of his stupidity murders to be because someone got actually murdered.

“Will came for a sleepover,” Mike reported, glancing into the kitchen warily. “And we were gaming, and it was fine, but then there was a short in the kitchen and sparks and--”

Will sniffled, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve. “I can’t call my mom,” he rolled his thin shoulders back, firming his chin as he looked up at Steve, “--she’ll never let me out again--”

“He started crying all crazy,” Dustin put in, ever helpful, to a general elbowing, “--and I said, Steve has hot chocolate, and a bat.”

“...ah,” Steve glanced at the kitchen. “Did you guys let her know you were coming here? So she doesn’t call and find you guys--”

“We called,” Mike laughed apologetically. “We said you invited us over.”

Billy tromped back out to the living room, presumably to sneer at singing mice, as Steve herded the tiny assholes towards hot chocolate.

“Why is he here,” Dustin whispered, very loudly, with his usual degree of subtlety. Mike and Will nodded, and Steve laughed, rubbing his face.

“It’s fine, we have classes together, he’s not going to do anything,” he tried weakly, and Will’s eyes narrowed.

“Do you need a distraction while we phone Hopper?” he asked softly under the noise of Steve getting more mugs and batting Dustin away from stress-eating all the marshmallows.

“Dustin could get your bat,” Mike suggested.

“Thanks, man, send Dustin out there,” Dustin sighed loudly.

“Dustin, get more marshmallows out of the garage,” Steve pointed, trying to channel Nancy’s no-nonsense tones. He flipped off the stove, opting for the hot chocolate prep that kept them all in the kitchen for a longer time. “Will, fill these up and microwave them one by one for two and a half minutes. Mike--” he glanced around, “--get spoons and see if there’s still whipped cream in the fridge.”

They slowly moved to obey, watching him closely as he began rifling the cupboard for candy canes. Steve vindictively didn’t point out the spoon drawer to Mike. It was one thing, he thought, expecting his stupidity assessments from Hopper or Nancy, but he was not having it from children that did things like try to raise demodogs in turtle cages.

Billy had settled in Steve's spot on the couch, as always--Steve rolled his eyes--and Steve headed for the other end, before noticing the kids standing in strained poses like awkward chainsaw art. "Ugh," Steve sighed, before dropping next to Billy, whose shoulders hunched around his hot chocolate.

"Okay, Will, you pick," he pointed.

"Pick this, Will," Dustin held up the animated Lord of the Rings.

"Shut up, Dustin," Mike threw a pillow at him, and Will yelped, dodging aside, before grabbing it and swiping Dustin.

Steve grinned. “I found the candy canes,” he told Billy, who turned another disbelieving look on him, as Will smacked Mike with a pillow, and it turned into a free-for-all between the three of them until Dustin crawled under the melee and put on The Hobbit. As soon as it loaded up, he plonked himself down next to Steve. Will sat cautiously next to him, and Mike dropped at the end, the quieter two studying their chocolate as Dustin elbowed Steve.

“Man, I been wanting to watch these without Lucas, he hates Return of the King--”

Mike grimaced over towards Billy at the sound of Lucas’ name. “Well, it is kinda silly. It’s for little kids.”

“It’s for Steve. He has to have the singing in there,” Billy put in, and Dustin leaned around to stare at him.

“You’re another reason I’m glad Lucas ain’t here, man, you a Nazi or what?”

“Neo Nazi,” Mike corrected quietly. “They’re called Neo Nazis, it’s not 1945--”

“Look, it’s Hobbiton,” Steve sighed into his mug.

“Or the Ku Klux Klan,” Will put in, “Like in the South.”

"No," Billy said finally, and after several seconds Dustin laughed.

"No?! No, you just slammed him into a wall? No, you just told Max to stay away from his kind?"

"I didn't say that."

Steve could feel Billy's entire body going tense, and shut his eyes, breathing in the blended chocolate, coffee, and candy cane smells from his mug. Twelve murders worth of stupidity, today, he thought, wondering whether he'd make it to the phone, and whether one of the kids would save him with the bat, and whether any of his Idiocy Tally would hit them, in a permanent sense.

"Why'd you beat him up, then?" Mike asked pointedly. Eleven's boyfriend felt no physical fear, apparently. Reasonable, if Eleven were actually present.

“Okay,” Steve tried to think of what Mrs. Byers would say, “--uh, whatever reasons he had, they weren’t good enough, can we all say ‘aye’ on that one?”

“Aye! ” proclaimed Dustin and Mike in a shout, Will firmly, and, thankfully, Billy, sounding a little rough.

“And unless he does it again, it’s between he, Lucas, and Max?” Steve continued, pushing his luck.

“Aaaaye,” came the sullen chorus from Steve’s right, and a fervent “Aye,” in low tones from Billy.

Steve sat back, wide-eyed, as his heart slowly stopped pounding. An hour later, his head was draped back over the couch as he snored softly, and Mike had quietly left and returned to drop the bat full of nails across the coffee table. Dustin pointed at it, speaking in his louder-than-speech stage whisper.

“That’s Steve’s bat. Look, it’s got blood on it. That’s bully blood.” He grabbed it and pointed it at Billy, who slammed his elbow into Steve.

“Harrington. Harrington. Is that blood on that bat.” Steve tried to roll sideways, growling, but Billy elbowed him in his chest, this time. “Harrington. Did you kill someone.” He glared around. “Did you guys cover up a murder?”

(I think Tumblr ate my posts for chapters 1-3, so I’m reposting them!)

Strangest chapter 1/chapter 2/chapter 3/chapter 4/chapter 5/chapter 6/chapter 7/chapter 8/chapter 9/chapter 10/  But really I’d recommend reading it on Ao3 under peterqpan, scrolling through it on Tumblr sounds crazymaking

[camillemontespan]

camille’s scrapbook [photoshoot]

Master List

A/N: The edit I made for this didn’t really work but damn it, I tried. Meghan Markle’s face on top of Natalie Portman’s body just wasn’t working for me no matter how much I tried to fix it. SO, after all of that, I thought I should just use it otherwise it would have been a waste of my time. Not that I’m doing anything productive.

SPEAKING OF PRODUCTIVE: I’ve been posting new chapters of my current series Ten Years From Now throughout the whole of this lockdown but as from next week - TBC- I am going to be working a temp job at my bf’s dad’s store. I’ll be the person at the front letting people in and reminding them to stay 2 metres apart - I will be in a position of authority, oh my godddd. So, I won’t be posting as much but I desperately need money. 

@emichelle​​ @ibldw-main​​ @hipstercoffeeshop​​ @moonlightgem7​​ @sirbeepsalot​​ @dcbbw​​ @jovialyouthmusic​​ @pug-bitch​​ @gardeningourmet​​ @pedudley​​ @msjr0119​​ @notoriouscs​​ @katedrakeohd​​ @rainbowsinthestorm​​  @argylemnwrites​​  @burnsoslow​​ @kingliam2019​​​  @burnsoslow​

*******************************

Lily looked through more of the photographs, her eyes dancing as she tried to pick the next one. It was a big decision. 

Her eyes settled on a picture of Camille. 

'Mommy!' she cried, pointing at the image. 'This one.' 

Camille groaned. 'Oh god, my pregnancy photoshoot.. What a disaster!' 

Drake examined the picture, a slow smile creeping on his face. He grazed the image with his finger, entranced. 

Camille pulled Lily into her, kissing her all over. 'That's you inside my tummy, my little mushroom! And you wouldn't stop kicking me!' 

Lily squealed, laughing as Camille covered her in kisses. Drake couldn't take his eyes off the photograph. His wife looked beautiful. 

Photoshoot

Camille shook out her shoulders, trying to feel confident, when really, she was shitting it. 

She was eight months pregnant and preparing for a photoshoot. But it wasn't any photoshoot, not one for a magazine. No, this photoshoot was for her husband. 

Drake had been so supportive of her ever since she told him she was pregnant. He had looked after her more than usual, refusing to let her lift a finger. He had wanted her to feel relaxed and content throughout this pregnancy with no worries. 

He also adored her pregnant. Camille didn't know why exactly but she was enjoying all the extra attention. He always gave her attention but this was on another level. 

Camille wanted to give him a present to say thank you for being her rock. Which was why she was in a photography studio with only a white sheet wrapped artistically around her body, showing off her bump. 

She wanted Drake to have something to commemorate her pregnancy before the baby was born. She just hoped he would like it. 

************

'You look fabulous darling!' Micah the photographer cried. 'Glowing!' 

Camille struck another demure pose, trying to relax. 

She wasn't usually nervous for photo shoots, in fact, she was quite the natural in front of the camera and behind it. But this was important. This was for Drake and it had to be perfect. She had to look perfect. 

Her baby girl kicked hard. 'Ah fuck!' Camille cursed, grasping hold of her bump. Micah stopped taking pictures, eyeing Camille warily. 

'You okay?' he asked hopefully. 

Camille nodded. 'Baby girl just kicked, that's all!' 

Relieved, Micah got back to taking pictures. Camille kept her hands wrapped around her bump, trying to focus on the camera. 

Oh god this was a bad idea. 

She was heavily pregnant. Sure, she wasn't due for another month but what if something happened? What if the baby decided to come early? What if her waters broke in front of Micah?! What if Micah had to deliver her baby?! 

Stop catastrophizing. You are eight months pregnant. She is healthy. She isn't going to arrive early. Micah isn't going to deliver your baby girl. He is going to take your picture which you will show to your husband and that's it. Focus. 

She exhaled and posed again, looking down and smiling. The baby kicked. 

Okay baby girl. Here's what we're going to do. Compromise. It's a big word I know, but you will learn it when you're older. If you stop kicking Mommy right now, I will be so happy. Then tonight I will eat all of the watermelon, which is your favourite thing right now, and Daddy will tell you a story, and you can kick Mommy to your hearts content. How about that? 

Nothing. 

Camille smiled at the camera, cradling her bump. 'Beautiful!' Micah shouted. 'You are like a modern day Princess Diana! Serve me pregnant Duchess realness!' 

The baby kicked again, hard. 

Camille sighed, stopping to look down at her bump. The baby was moving a lot today, quite restless. It was strange. 

Camille posed again, trying to keep a smile on her face. But the baby kept kicking and dancing, unable to relax. The harder she kicked, the more breathless Camille became. 

'Micah, I need to stop,' she said. 'I'm so sorry but the baby keeps kicking.' 

Micah told her that they had collected enough photographs and he would email her them when they were ready. She could then choose her favorites. 

Camille felt like she wouldn't have any favorites. 

She got dressed and her security guard, Jason, walked with her out of the building towards the private car outside. 

'How did the shoot go?' Jason asked. He had been waiting outside so he could give Camille privacy. 

'Awful,' Camille told him. 'The baby kept kicking and I couldn't focus.' 

Jason sighed. 'I bet Drake will love the pictures. Don't be down on yourself, Camille. He worships the ground you walk on.' 

**************

Camille blamed her hormones for the flood of tears that poured down her face when she was finally home. 

All she had wanted was to give Drake a present and she hadn't been able to do that. She was certain the pictures would be terrible. 

She dragged herself upstairs to the bedroom. Pulling open the closet door, she found Drake's denim shirt. Undressing, she pulled the shirt on and climbed under the duvet, cupping her baby bump. 

I'm sorry I'm so emotional, baby girl. It's not your fault. If anything, it's a good thing that you're moving a lot, it means you're healthy. That's all I want, for you to be healthy. But I really wanted to give something to your daddy and make him smile. 

'Camille?' 

Drake opened the door, stepping inside. Camille sniffled. She felt Drake sit down on the edge of the bed. 

He gently pulled the duvet away, exposing a crying Camille. 

'Baby, what's wrong?' he asked, his voice low and soothing. He had dealt with many pregnancy breakdowns over the past few months. 

'Gnhhghhhh..' 

Drake gently smoothed back her hair to show her face. Her eyes were red rimmed and her skin was blotchy. 

'Talk to me,' he murmured. 'I'm here.' 

Camille struggled to sit up. Drake helped her, fluffing up the pillows so her back was supported. He waited for her to explain. Even though last time she had a breakdown, it was because she hadn't realised that they were out of watermelon and she had had a hard time explaining why she was so bereft. 

'I was at a pregnancy photoshoot today,' she admitted reluctantly. Drake drew back, his eyes widening. He hadn't expected that answer. He had thought this would be another watermelon emergency. 

'I wanted to get some pictures done as a gift for you because you've been so kind and caring during this pregnancy,' she explained, wringing her hands together. 'But the baby kept kicking, like more than usual, and I couldn't focus and now the pictures are going to be ugly and awkward and I'm going to look ridiculous and anyway I'm sorry -' 

She was word vomiting. Her words poured out of her and her eyes filled with tears as she told him the sorry tale of the photoshoot. 

'And now I feel like a terrible mom because its a good thing that she is moving and kicking, but I was getting all fixated on taking the perfect picture!' she wailed. 'What kind of mother does that?! I'm such an asshole!' 

She burst into fresh tears, her entire body shaking uncontrollably. Drake took a breath. Slowly, he arranged himself so he was lying on his front and he was looking down at Camille's bump. 

'Oh baby girl, let's try and look after Mommy, ' he sighed, lifting up the denim shirt to show Camille's stomach.  Camille sniffled, watching as he ran his hand along the bump. 

Drake looked up at Camille with soft, warm eyes. 'I love you,' he said. 'I can't believe you even thought about doing something like that for me. You're eight months along, you should be focusing on nesting and instead, you're setting up photoshoots and pushing yourself.' 

Camille cast her eyes down. 'I just wanted to make you smile.' 

'And I really appreciate that, baby,' he assured her. 'I do. But I don't need a photo of you in make up, with your hair all perfect, posing to a camera. Why would I when I've got the real thing, right here?' 

'I look like shit,' Camille told him dryly, rubbing her eyes harshly. 'Like microwaved shit.'

'You look gorgeous,' he said. 'I love it when you wear my shirt and nothing else. I love it when your face is free of makeup and your hair is in a messy bun. And I love your bump. I love that you wanted to give me something to remember these months but Camille, I'm always going to remember how beautiful you are. I'll remember this moment right here. I don't need a fancy picture to remind me.'

Camille sniffled, making Drake's heart tug. He sighed and looked down at her bump. 

' I think baby girl was just really excited today, 'he said quietly. 'She knew you were doing something secretive and fun so she wanted to join in.'

Camille shook her head. 'You don't have to make up stories to make me feel better..' 

'I mean it,' Drake said, his voice strong. 'I think baby girl was trying to join in. This is the most she's kicked in ages right? And she would kick when you were posing? Camille, our daughter is a little attention seeker who is going to love the spotlight, I'm calling it now!'

Camille burst out laughing, a throaty laugh that showed her true appreciation. Drake grinned, happy that he had made her laugh and forget about her worries for a moment. He chuckled and leaned up to kiss her softly. 

'You're not a bad mom,' he whispered against her lips. 'You're already taking such great care of her. But right now, you gotta focus on yourself. No more photoshoots. Just stay home, nest and let me look after you.' 

'But you've been working so hard looking after me,' Camille said. 'I just wanted to say thank you.' 

Drake took her hand. 'I don't need a thank you for looking after my wife and daughter. I love looking after you. Its never a chore, I'm happy to do it. Let me look after you, Camille. That's what makes me happy.'

Camille sighed but gave him a genuine smile. 'Alright,' she said. 'You can look after me.' 

'Great,' Drake said. 'Now, what does madam want to eat this evening?' 

Camille looked up at him from under her eyelashes. 'We're in the mood for watermelon..' 

Drake chuckled, shaking his head. 'Watermelon it is. I stocked up on it after last time. Can't have you crying about watermelon again, not on my watch!' 

****************

The photographs were emailed to Camille the following week. As she scrolled through them, she could see that they were actually quite pretty. 

She heard her office door open. Drake entered. 

'Hey honey,' he said. 'Whatcha looking at?' 

Camille blushed. 'The photoshoot pictures..' 

Drake rushed to her desk, eager to see. Camille closed her eyes, waiting with bated breath. She felt so nervous for him to see them. 

'Basically, pick one you like and I can have Micah produce it -' 

'All of them,' Drake interrupted her. His eyes slowly roamed over each image. He couldn't tear his gaze away. 

The photographs were elegant, like Camille was. She looked glowing and healthy. Her bump was on proud display and from her poses and smiles, you wouldn't have known that the baby had been kicking her constantly. 

'Jesus, you're fucking beautiful,' he murmured. 

Camille smiled now. Drake ran his finger along the screen, finally managing to take his eyes away so he could look at Camille who was watching him hopefully. 

'I maintain what I said about not needing pictures,' Drake told her softly. 'But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna frame every single one.' 

[taehyungsgrowl]

shy!michael's bf LOVES dirty talk and he's good at it, michael - not so much, and since his bf loves teasing him as well, one day he decides to make michael play along. he orders michael to say very precisely what he wants his bf to do to him. michael's face is bright red, he's trembling and feels so humiliated but eventually it turns him on to keep saying "fuck me PLEASE i want your big fat cock in my tight little hole" over and over again 😥😥😥

I’ve had this sitting in my inbox for a bit! Sorry it took me so long to get to!

But I’m so in love with this concept omg! I’m gonna put a “read more” thing here since this is gonna start off w some smut and I don’t wanna make someone uncomfy if they don’t wanna see that on their dash. mindfulness is key, y’all. be nice to one another. 

Fuck! That’s right, baby. You like having my cock down your throat? Look at you.. boy wonder. The only wonders your working is on my cock, huh baby boy? Doing so good for me.

Just the thought of the words his boyfriend used in the bedroom made Michael burn brightly. He was almost embarrassed at how much he enjoyed it; how much he enjoyed being told how good he was.

And Y/N loved the way Michael reacted to his words. Pink cheeks and lips hanging open. Especially when Y/N decided to whisper a little ‘can’t wait to fuck your tight little hole later’ before sending Michael off to class - red faced and flustered.

What Michael wasn’t sure of was what gave his boyfriend the inspiration to ask this of him;

“Babe,” he chuckled into Michael’s collarbone, nipping the sensitive skin lightly, “Wanna try something different.” he kissed his neck, peeping his eyes up at Michael.

Michael nodded fervently, “What is it?” already agreeing to whatever is was. He never would have imagined what was going to be asked of him.

Y/N pushed Michael down on the bed so his head crashed down on his pillow. He straddled his boyfriends waist - admiring the halo of golden curls that framed his perfect cherub face. He ground his hips lightly into Michael’s crotch. “I want you to talk dirty to me, baby. Let me hear those filthy thoughts of yours.” he failed to hide the smirk that spread across his face.

Michael felt the cotton of his boxer briefs stretch against his hardening cock as the words fell from the boys lips. “I - I can’t.. I don’t know how,” he pouted, the blush spreading down his neck.

Y/N’s fingers trailed down Michael’s chest. His skin was smooth and goosebumps raised as each finger drew itself lower and lower. “You can..” he leaned down, breathing into Michael’s mouth, “and you will.” Michael was met with a firm kiss, Y/N’s hand cupping his jaw.

The softest whimper left Michael’s lips. He was going to make a fool of himself, he was sure. But with the way Y/N was looking at him; lust filled eyes blown wide, jaw muscles tensed, and saliva coated lips - Michael was in for it.

Y/N began to palm his own crotch, feeling himself harden at the thought of his shy boyfriend begging to be fucked. He imagined the way Michael would sound. His voice and panting echoing through the thin walls of their dorm.

Y/N’s hand trailed down his boxers and onto Michael’s bare thigh. He squeezed it, “C’mon baby. Let me hear what you want me to do.” His hand found Michael’s cloth covered cock, “or I won’t do anything at all,” he shrugged, a devilish smirk on his face. Y/N he wasn’t being fair. With Michael’s underwear already leaking with precum, he knew Michael needed to be fucked.

But he was still going to make him beg for it.

Michael’s hips buck forward as Y/N’s hand met his cock, “please,” he let out softly, “please fuck me,”

“Uh-uh,” Y/N shook his head, “that’s not gonna work, baby boy. You know what I want. I want you to show me just how filthy that mouth of yours is.” He chuckled, unable to hide the amused look on his face.

“Y/N..” Michael whined. He’d never felt so flustered in his life. He was used to hearing the dirty words that slipped from Y/N’s lips. But for him to actually say them. Michael was so embarrassed. “C-can you fuck me? Y/N please.” He stuttered, his pink flush now a constant on his face.

Y/N pouted seeing just how vulnerable Michael looked in that moment; he could help his sweet boy out.

He took Michael’s hand and kissed his knuckles, “Tell me how you want me to fuck you, Michael. You know what I want.”

Michael’s neglected cock was painfully straining against his underwear, he craved to be touched. Michael wanted his face to be pressed into his pillow while Y/N bucked his hips into him over and over.

“I want y-you to fuck me.. H-hard.” he stuttered out. Poor boy was almost shaking with embarrassment; of course he trusted Y/N, but the words sounded to unnatural falling from his lips, he couldn’t help but feel self conscious.

Y/N began to rid himself of his underwear, letting it fall carelessly on the ground. His cock springing up proudly. He began to run his hand up and down his shaft, using his thumb to caress his head. “Mhmm, what do you want me to fuck you with, baby?” his free hand flying to Michael’s waistband, peeling it down, slowly.

Michael let out a pathetic whine as his boyfriends knuckles brushed against his own hardening cock. He sat up, lifting his upper body off the bed. Y/N continued to be sat on Michael’s thighs, their lengths grazing against each other. Michael’s tummy felt like trapeze artists flipping and turning. He leaned forward trying to kiss Y/N. Maybe if I kiss him I won’t have to say it.. He mused to himself, trying to find a loophole.

But Y/N wasn’t having it. He quickly backed up before his lips could be touched by Michael’s pink pouty mouth, “Baby..” the word was sweet, but his voice was stern, “your sweet kisses won’t get you out of this.”

“Y/N please!!!” Michael exasperated, “I need your cock to- to fill me up.” he was a little proud of only stumbling over his words once.

“That’s better, Michael.” Y/N approved. He climbed off of Michael’s meaty thighs, grabbing Michael’s hips and turning him over. “Now let me hear more. You can do that for me, right baby?” Michael was on laying flat on his tummy now with Y/N knelt between his legs.

Michael looked over his shoulder, his blonde curls sweeping across his face. His blue eyes wildly lit up, seeing the bottle of lube nestled between his boyfriend’s hands.

Michael moaned quietly, the soft bed sheets becoming wet with his leaking tip. “My ass needs to be f-fucked by you. Your big cock,” he turned his face back around, staring at the pillow, “make it hurt when I walk.” he bit his lower lip, raising his ass in the air, “Please” he let out weakly.

Y/N’s eyes went wide. He didn’t think his cock could get any harder than it was at that moment. Hearing his sweet, overthinking boyfriend let that guard down for him.. He just wanted to kiss him.

“Such a good boy for me. Tell me.. Who makes you feel good?” he pressed on.

“You do.” Michael wiggled his rear end, his member gaining friction against the mattress.

Michael heard the wet sounds of the lube squirting onto Y/N’s hand and he involuntarily trembled, already imagining the wetness, the slickness it would cause.

“Y/N..” his crotch was mercilessly rutting against the sheets, “I - I need your cock in me please I can’t take it anymore.”

His boyfriend spread the lube on his throbbing hole. The coldness making Michael hiss in response. His entrance was teased by a finger, slowly intruding in, preparing him for the thickness that awaited.

Y/N prepared himself; coating the strawberry scented gel onto his cock. Michael picked out the flavor. Something about that boy loved the sweet and tart flavor of berries.

A strangled whimper caught in Michael’s dry throat as the head of Y/N’s dick teased his entrance. He was throbbing, aching, sweating for it.

Y/N chuckled through the groan that threatened to leave him as the tip of his cock rubbed against Michael’s hole. So pink and pretty; he wanted to destroy him.

“Y/N” Michael let his head fall on to the pillow dramatically, “I need you inside me now, I-I need you thick cock to split me,” he cried out, driven red.

Firm hands gripped his framed hips as Y/N pushed himself inside. His ears rand with the sound of his name being screamed by Michael. His tender voice sounded fragmented as he adjusted the the size. Y/N thickness spread him open. He clenched around the pulsing manhood; his own leaking cock, smashed between his body and the bed.

“Feels so good,” his mouth hung open against the pillow. Each buck of Y/N’s hips sent Michael into a deeper facet of pleasure.

Michael felt a set of finger tangle in his tousled curls, gripping them tightly. “You like that, baby? Tell me how good I make you feel.” Y/N groaned as his balls slapped against Michael, “Let them hear you, boy wonder.”

“Y-yes, fuck. Y/N you. You make me feel so good.” he said between gritted teeth.

Y/N tugged his hair harder, making him turn his head over his shoulder. Blue eyes brimmed with tears, teeth indentations on his plump lips from biting down so hard, the sight was enough to make Y/N explode.

Michael’s eyes wandered down to his backside. Mesmerized by how Y/N’s cock disappeared in him. Watching as Y/N pulled out the shaft only to ram in back inside, made Michael rut deep enough on the mattress that he shot out a load of cum. He cried in ecstacy, feeling the hot liquid pool under his belly while Y/N continued his rhythmic repeat of movement.

Michael squeezed around Y/N. Constricting and releasing repeatedly. Y/N knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, “Sooo tight, baby” he pumped himself in and out before he finally came undone, releasing his hot cream on Michael’s back.

--

Michael’s eyes fluttered shut as he felt a warm towel wiping his back. Y/N carefully collected his discarded seed off of Michael, ridding him of the sticky white stain. His eyes reopened as he felt Y/N lay besides him. Y/N still couldn’t believe Michael was his. He pushed his hair back from his forehead and kissed him affectionately.

Michael smiled into the kiss. “Was that okay?” he asked nervously.

“Are you kidding baby? That was,” he kissed him again, “so hot!” Y/N pulled back and took in Michael’s expression, “You didn’t feel too uncomfortable did you? You know I would neve-” Y/N began to second guess the experience. Of course he enjoyed it, but if Michael hadn’t he wouldn’t ever push him to try it again.

“Y/N,” Michael laughed, “I liked it.” he blushed profusely, hiding his face in his boyfriend's chest.

okay this took me longer to finish than i expected but here it is!!

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