#I dream of falling asleep and never waking up but I'm still hopeful

[magicalrocketships]

Rivers of Light || Max/Daniel || part 10 ||

(reminder that this in its entirety contains mpreg, reference to giving birth, Max Verstappen's bad dad, past abuse, and on-track accidents.) Cyril's hot wife remains made up (I mean, she may be hot in real life but I don't even know for certain if she exists, therefore this version of his hot wife remains made up).

All previous parts can be found in the masterpost here. This chapter is on AO3 here.

Max hasn't had many people be kind to him since he crashed out of Formula 1. He'd forgotten how it had felt.

Part 10

Bastiaan falls asleep in Cyril's arms after dinner. One minute he's frowning up at him, and the next, his little eyes are closing and he's falling asleep right where he's tucked up against Cyril's chest.

Max contains his jealousy well. Bastiaan's never fallen asleep anywhere other than with him. This whole trip has been full of new experiences for his baby, and he must be very tired. Max would like to fall asleep too, but he hasn't slept through the night in a long time. He's used to it by now, but even being used to it doesn't mean he doesn't wish it was different sometimes. 

That he could, just for once, put the weight down. 

He and Daniel don't stay long after Bastiaan falls asleep. It's late anyway, but his baby stays mostly asleep through having his little hat and sleeping bag put on him, and his mittens tucked down over his hands. He stirs as he's put down in the carrycot, but he's asleep again after Max has shushed him, moved the pram back and forth to rock him a little as Daniel says goodnight to Cyril and Sephine before they turn their attention to Max. He gets kissed on the cheek by both of them. Cyril says he will call when Max is back home, and Sephine says they'll have to have Max and Bastiaan to stay when Max is next in Paris. It's nice. It's kind. It's a lot. Max hasn't had many people be kind to him since he crashed out of Formula 1. He'd forgotten how it had felt. 

It almost makes him want to cry. 

He doesn't. 

He's not sure he can anymore. 

&&&

Bastiaan wakes up an hour after they get back to the hotel, which is about half an hour after Max has passed out in the big bed with the carrycot next to him. When he'd gone to sleep, Daniel was still awake, scrolling through his phone with the lamp on by the little bed under the window. He had refused to let Max sleep there. But when Bastiaan starts to cry, the lamps are off, and Max tries to keep it that way in case Daniel can somehow sleep through his tiny, tearful baby making his feelings known. 

He's not a happy baby. Max cycles through the things he knows to do: nappy change, trying for a feed, nappy check again, a little playtime with his giraffe and his rattle, but Bastiaan doesn't want or need any of it. He's miserable and fierce about it, red cheeked and angry, little cries that tear Max's chest in half. He sadly accepts a feed after about half an hour, and that keeps him quiet for a while, but the moment Max tries to put him back down in his carrycot he's crying again, the saddest baby that anyone has ever seen. Max wants to cry too. He's so, so tired. He hates Bastiaan being so unhappy and not being able to tell Max what he needs. He hopes babies don't get nightmares. Bad dreams are awful enough when you're old enough to understand them. Max kisses his little flushed cheeks. 

"I'm sorry, little baby," Max says, over Bastiaan's exhausted sobs. "I know we're not at home. You've met all these new people today and I think everything smells funny and you don't know where you are. You've been very brave and now you don't want to be anymore, do you? You just want to be asleep but you don't know that you have to stop crying to get that, because you're only little. Such a little baby, my baby Bastiaan." He kisses his hair. Cradles him close. "We're not alone like normal, my baby, and it's not just me you're keeping awake. You made a new friend today, didn't you? And I think he'd like to go back to sleep now. Can we let him? Can we just go to sleep, baby?"

"It's okay," Daniel says finally. "You can put the lamp on. I'm awake."

"I'm sorry," Max says. He sounds desperate because he is. He's so tired. "I don't know why he's so upset. I can't make him stop."

"He's a baby, I think," Daniel says. He switches the lamp on. Sits up and swings his legs out of bed. He's in a t-shirt and his boxers. He'd still been dressed when Max had fallen asleep.

Max is topless because he'd fed Bastiaan, and part of him wants to cover up. He wants to shut that voice down inside of his head that's his dad, that's telling him to be ashamed of feeding his baby, but he's too tired to fight it. He cradles Bastiaan to his chest instead. Kisses his head. 

Daniel looks at him. "Max," he says. "Come on. Take a break. Why don't you give him to me for a few minutes. Go and wash your face or have a shower or something. You look wrecked."

"He's crying," Max says, trying to shush his distraught, exhausted baby, but Max is so, so tired. "I can't leave him."

"You can," Daniel says. "I'm assuming you don't have help in the middle of the night normally. Just let me help this time. Take a break. Go on. Have a shower or something."

"I don't want a shower," Max says. He wants his baby to go to sleep. 

"Honestly," Daniel says. "Give him here. Just for a few minutes."

Max finds himself holding out his baby for Daniel to take. He doesn't want to trust anyone with Bastiaan, but he needs to pee and it would be nice to do that just once without holding a baby in the middle of the night. A shower would be nice too, but it's not shower time. He lets out a ragged, desperate breath.

"Take a shower," Daniel says, as he rocks a crying Bastiaan, cradling him close. "Go on. I'll call if I need you."

"I'll be two minutes," Max says, staring longingly at the bathroom. Back at his tearful baby.

"Take five," Daniel says. "Push the boat out."

Max takes four. He comes out with his underwear pulled back on with a fresh pad inside, and a towel around his waist. His hair's wet and Daniel had been right, it had been good to stand under the hot spray for a minute. Breathe. Bastiaan's still crying but it's not as urgent as it had been before. He sounds so, so tired. Such a tired little baby. 

Daniel's got his phone in one hand and Bastiaan in his other. He's playing a soft little video of baby lullabies and water sounds with a slow animation of little twinkling stars accompanying it. He looks over at Max and winks. Bastiaan's eyes are starting to droop, but he's still crying. He's trying to chew on his fist. 

"Does that mean he's hungry?" Daniel asks. 

Max nods. He holds his hands out, but Daniel shakes his head.

"It's okay. Get into bed and then I'll hand him to you. Do you need anything?"

Max has his water bottle by the bed. He's okay. He drops the towel on the floor and gets into bed. He beckons Daniel over with his baby. 

Daniel tucks Bastiaan carefully into Max's arms, then makes a big show of getting the pillows from the other side of the bed and putting them behind Max to prop him up. It is more comfortable, but it's okay. Max was coping. Bastiaan doesn't need much help latching on, and for a moment there's quiet except for the soft sound of Daniel's lullaby video and Bastiaan's sleepy little sucks. 

"I'll leave it on," Daniel says quietly. "I think it helped."

Max nods. He's so, so tired. 

Daniel takes Max's water bottle and goes to refill it in the bathroom. He brings it back, then goes back into the bathroom to pee. When he comes back out, he sits on the end of Max's bed, by Max's feet. 

"You okay?" Daniel asks. 

Max doesn't shake his head. He hasn't been okay for a very long time, but he's holding on. He's holding on so tight it's making his fingers bleed. 

"I'm fine," Max says. He doesn't look away, not until Daniel does. 

"Think he'll fall asleep?" 

Bastiaan's eyes are already drooping. Max strokes his cheek. His lovely little baby. 

"Yeah," he says. "At some point."

"You're doing great, you know. He's perfect."

Max has been lying for such a long time. One more won't hurt. 

"Everything is good," he says. "Go back to bed."

"In a minute," Daniel says. "When he's sleeping."

They sit there, quiet in the middle of the night, until Bastiaan falls asleep. 

Max looks away first. 

[servuscallidus]

Haven't read fanfictions in months, successfully working towards breaking an habit I've had for almost ten years, writing my thesis, redecorating my room, working on a paper to be published. Repression works

[poohsources]

🐝  *  ―  𝑷𝑰𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮 / 𝒀𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  i can't stop thinking about you even when i try.  ❜ ❛  every time i see you, it's like my heart skips a beat.  ❜ ❛  i never realized how much i needed you until you weren't there.  ❜ ❛  do you ever feel like there's something missing ... like a piece of your heart is somewhere else?  ❜ ❛  i wish i had the courage to tell you how i feel.  ❜ ❛  if only you knew how much you truly mean to me.  ❜ ❛  do you ever wonder what it would be like if things were different between us?  ❜ ❛  sometimes i wonder if you ever think about me the way i think about you.  ❜ ❛  i had a lot of dreams about you recently.  ❜ ❛  somehow, you're always on my mind.  ❜ ❛  i think i've been in love with you since the day we met - scratch that, i know i've been in love with you since the day we met.  ❜ ❛  my biggest wish is to hold you close and never let you go.  ❜ ❛  all my life i've felt like a part of me was missing, but with you i've finally found it.  ❜ ❛  you deserve better than who i am right now, but i'm gonna keep trying to become someone you do deserve.  ❜ ❛  every time you smile at me, i get this flutter in my chest.  ❜ ❛  do you think i'll ever be worthy of your love?  ❜ ❛  i want to be the person to make you happy. the one person you can always come to with whatever you need.  ❜ ❛  will we ever get another chance together?  ❜ ❛  you were the best thing that's ever happened to me.  ❜ ❛  my biggest regret is ever letting you go.  ❜ ❛  i'm still in love with you ... and i honestly never stopped.  ❜ ❛  when i wake up in the morning, you're the first person i want to see.  ❜ ❛  every time i wake up, i check if you wrote me another message.  ❜ ❛  i wish i could be as important to you as you are to me.  ❜ ❛  it hurts when you don't talk to me like you used to.  ❜ ❛  i miss everything about you, your touch, your laugh, your smile. i wish i could have that back.  ❜ ❛  i want to fall asleep wrapped in your arms.  ❜ ❛  hold me closer; i always feel safer when you're with me.  ❜ ❛  there's so much i wish i was able to tell you.  ❜ ❛  i know things aren't easy right now, but i want to remain a fixture in your life. after all, you're one in mine.  ❜ ❛  i miss the way you always made me smile.  ❜ ❛  you're the reason i keep holding on.  ❜ ❛  maybe we're supposed so to remain a case of 'right person, wrong time' forever.  ❜ ❛  if only you knew how i feel about you.  ❜ ❛  i'm yearning to hold your hand in mine.  ❜ ❛  i think you are the one for me, and i hope one day i'll be the one for you, too.  ❜ ❛  do you think i'll ever become more than a friend to you?  ❜ ❛  my heart belongs to you, always and forever.  ❜ ❛  my first instinct is to protect you, no matter the cost.  ❜ ❛  i've been thinking about us a lot lately.  ❜

[grandline-fics]

hiiii! I really love your account and I'm so glad you're still taking requests, I was thinking of like Law, zoro and ace having a nightmare of reader getting married to another guy and how would they feel after waking up in the morning seeing reader next to them sleeping <3 take your time and I hope you have a great day or night!

DESCRIPTION: They have a nightmare that you marry someone else

WARNINGS: little bit of brief angst/insecurity but it's kept light for the most part

CHARACTERS: Law, Zoro, | Ace, Shanks, Mihawk, Kid, Katakuri | Luffy, Usopp

WORDS: 1,156

A/N: I absolutely loved this request and I hope you like what I came up with for it. Sadly I could only think of scenarios for just Law and Zoro.

*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*

MASTERLIST | PROMPT LIST

———————

LAW 

Law finds himself having this dream often, of finally marrying you. Every blissful, happy detail is unchanging and one he never tires of seeing. After years of torturous, painful nightmares plagued by his past trauma to dream of a future he wishes to make a reality is a welcome one. Tonight however his subconscious felt something was off. It wasn’t his usual dream he was so accustomed to. Normally at the beginning of the dream he’d be standing at the front of the aisle, watching your beautiful form coming into view and approach him with an excited, loving smile gracing your face. 

This time however he was standing at the back of the room. He heard your laugh and he turned, his eyes widening in shock to see you already in place and holding hands with who you were marrying, Eustass Kid. Suddenly all sound fell away and he felt like as much as he tried to run towards you, he stayed firmly in place and forced to watch your lips shape the wedding vows. Over and over he tried to activate his powers, to shambles you away and out of the touch of his rival but even that failed him. His distress grow as he watch you and Kid lean in, lips parting to seal the wedding with a kiss. 

With a shout, Law lurched forward, breathing heavily and mind swimming with the disturbing images still fresh in his mind as he woke and took his time in getting his bearings. With slow breaths, he pushed the heel of his hand against his already tightly shut eyes, desperate to force the images away. Beside him he felt a movement and with a sigh he looked to see you waking. Blearily you forced your eyes open enough to see Law was sitting up in the bed. Still half asleep, you couldn’t find the energy to pull yourself up so you reached out, taking his hand into yours and tugged him to lie down with you. 

Relief flooded Law as the realisation that it really was a nightmare and you’d always reach out for him was the reality. Eagerly he lay down against, you settling his head on your chest, a satisfied smile curling his lips when you threaded your fingers into his hair, making sleepy movements against his scalp to comfort him. “Bad dream again?” You asked, voice thick with sleep but you refused to let yourself fall back over until you were sure he was okay. 

“Different one, but still bad.” Law admitted, curling his arms around your body to hold you close. “Dreamt you married Kid of all people.” There was a moment of silence and your fingers stilled in his hair making him think you’d fallen asleep. Finally you let out a sigh and tapped his head, making him turn his head just enough to look at your disapproving stare breaking through the tiredness.

“Law I have better taste than that.” You scowled before resuming your comforting motions in his hair. “Now go back to sleep and dream it right this time.” Law let out a sleepy chuckle and did as he was told. Although now he as he began to drift to sleep, he began to put a plan in motion to give you the real wedding you deserved.

ZORO

This couldn’t be happening. This was his worst thing he’d ever have to witness in his life. No matter how many times he shook his head and rubbed his eyes, the sight was the same. He was standing amongst the rest of the crew who were cheering happily as they all watched you exchange rings and a sealing kiss with Sanji. The horror of what he had to witness didn’t end there. He was rooted in place having to watch your first dance with him, lovingly pressed up against him as you both swayed together, staring at each other with an expression he once got to share with you. 

The image melted away to the familiarity of the dining room and he watched you lean up to kiss Sanji as he placed an extravagant meal in front of you, your hand cupping his face in sickening adoration, the gleaming band of gold on your finger all but blinding him from the repulsive display. His mind was racing as he tried to think how this happened. Weren’t you two happy? Hadn’t you both sworn that you’d always love one another? Didn’t you love him anymore? When did he lose you? What had he done that made you pick the stupid cook? Had he died and gone to Hell? That must have been it. 

“Zoro!” He jolted awake to see you standing by his bed, hand on his chest as you shook him awake. Concern etched your face. You’d just finished your watch and came back to your shared room to see Zoro tossing and turning in his sleep, clearly trapped in a nightmare he couldn’t wake from. Slowly Zoro sat up in the bed as his good eye sharpened. When he realised it was you and thinking on what he’d just seen, he acted instantly. His hand took yours desperately and he lifted it, inspecting your fingers with as much attention as he would when he cared for his swords. “No ring.” He finally said with a relieved sigh, pulling you onto the bed to settle against him. 

Keeping your hand in his grip, he used the other to hold you close against him. You blinked in confusion and sat up to tilt your head at him with a growing frown. While you never wanted to force your relationship with Zoro to go to the next step, you would have been lying to say you hadn’t hoped that a proposal would some day come up. Worry began to gnaw at you. Were you more invested in this than he was? “You’re…relieved I don’t have a ring on my finger? The thought of marrying me is so bad to make you toss and turn in a nightmare?”

“What? No! I’d love that.” Zoro protested, cursing himself for his clumsy words. “It’s only a nightmare when you’re married to that shithead cook!” 

“Oh…” Your eyes widened and you bit your lip, fighting a smile to hide your excitement that Zoro wanted to marry you. Quickly to ease the tension of a very real conversation that you both were probably too tired to have you decided to clear your throat and joke with him. “So how nice was the ring?” You let out a squeal when Zoro suddenly tossed you onto the bed beside him and rolled onto his side with a long yawn breaking from his lips. You pouted playfully to see his eyes were closed again, already falling asleep with his freakish talent. 

“It looked like shit, the one I give you will be one hundred times better. Now get to sleep.”

-----------------------------------------------

TAG LIST (If I've missed anyone or if you want to be added just let me know) @3v37773, @tsaaps , @i-am-all-love-puns-and-lazy , @sanemisnonexistenteyebrow , @fiery-captain-spider-santa

[andvys]

The edges of your soul (I haven't seen yet) ⭐︎ chapter eleven

⭐︎ And I'll fear no evil because I'm blind to it all

Warnings: gore gore gore, violence, blood, death, murder, angst, mentions of sexual assault, threats of r*pe (it does not happen), literal slaughter, read this chapter with caution, it's a very heavy one. one character turns into a killer, not giving away who ofc. hurt/comfort in the end

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Summary: In the haze of your distraction, you let your guard down and the monsters you have warned your friends about catch up to you — and now you will have to pay… in one way or another.

Word count: 11.7k+

Author’s note: This chapter is a wild ride, and it’s not an easy one to read! Be prepared for some heavy angst — but it will only get better from now on hehe. @hellfire--cult and I are evil cackling knowing how shocked you all will be after this one! As always, give her some love for coming up with the sickening chapter with me and for beta reading and working on this one with me! 🤍

series masterlist ⭐︎ previous chapter

☀︎

Steve awakens to the feeling of something tickling his nose causing him to scrunch it up. The feeling continues. He brings his hand up to his nose and rubs it before he drops his arm again, bringing it back to its original position – around something or someone. 

He registers the warmth, the weight of a body against his own. A sweet scent fills his nose and he can’t help but breathe in deeply. It’s your scent. It’s your body against his, and it molds into him like it was meant to. 

He peeks one eye open. There’s no sun shining through the blinds today, and the grey clouds outside make the RV seem darker than usual. 

Steve’s chest heaves strongly when he looks down at you. You are sleeping heavily still, your cheek is squished against his chest, your hair is covering your face, and your hand is on his waist. 

He breathes in shakily as his heart starts thumping strongly. He’s got you completely wrapped in his embrace, one arm is under you, and the other wrapped around you tightly, like he was afraid to let you go in his sleep. 

But just like the other times you have shared a bed, he slept peacefully, unlike ever before. He wasn’t plagued by nightmares, by pictures of his best friend getting ripped away from him and torn into pieces. He didn’t wake from dreams of losing Eddie, Nancy or… you. 

He just slept and he dreamed – normal dreams. He knows it is your presence that calms him, that takes away the fear in him, that makes him feel safe. He knows it should make him happy, but it only worries him.

Steve watches you, his hand slowly moving up to your face to push away your hair. His lips curl into a smile as you lean into his touch, sighing softly in your sleep. Your eyelashes flutter, and you press yourself further against him, making his heart flutter.

Screwed. He is screwed. 

The bed dips faintly under him, he goes to turn around, only to feel the tiny paws on his shoulder. The wolf pup must have escaped your embrace to explore the RV. You have taken such good care of it yesterday, it only made Steve’s case worse to see you take care of the lost little pup. 

You sat outside by the fire for what seemed like forever, warming up the pup and feeding him with some canned meat. You hoped for the mother to appear; you even whistled in hopes that it would attract her attention, but she never came. So you took him into the RV, wrapped him in your blanket, and held him against your chest. Steve joined you moments later. He lied down with you and you talked for what felt like forever. It wasn’t his plan to fall asleep, let alone cuddle you in his sleep, but he won’t lie and act like it doesn’t feel good, like it doesn’t feel right. 

He held you all night, you and the pup who found comfort in your embrace, just the way he did too. 

A chuckle falls from Steve's lips when the pup jumps on top of you, wobbling on his paws as he balances on your shoulders and leans down to rub against your cheek, making you scrunch your nose up in your sleep. 

“Hey buddy,” Steve chuckles as he lifts his hand to pet him, his palm is twice the size of his little head. The pup suddenly jumps at him, attacking him with licks to his forehead. 

“Whoa!” Steve laughs softly as he furrows his eyebrows and shuts his eyes as the pup licks his eyebrow. “That’s–” He laughs as he starts rubbing against his cheek. 

All the movement and the laughter make you stir against him. You open your eyes slowly, furrowing your brows as you take in the sight before you. An instant smile appears on your face, your heart fluttering at what you’re seeing first thing in the morning.

The wolf pup is on top of Steve, rubbing against his face, purring. And Steve is chuckling softly, holding him. His hair is messy, and his eyes are still sleepy. He looks so cute. 

You feel his arm under your body, and you realize just how close you actually are, how you fell asleep in his arms the night before. Your cheeks heat up, and your stomach jumps weirdly. It’s not the first time, it’s the third time, but unlike those other times, you had no reason to fall asleep in the same bed or all cuddled up. 

You are not complaining though; if it was up to you, you’d have this every night. 

“Good morning, sunshine.” 

His voice pulls you out of your thoughts. You look back into his eyes. He is smiling at you, making your heart flutter even more because you can’t help but wonder what it would be like if you woke up together as something more than friends — if he pulled you closer and his lips met— 

The pup jumps at you so suddenly, you fall back into the pillow behind you, making Steve chuckle again. 

“Oh my god,” he laughs as he watches the pup attack your face the way he did to him just moments ago, before he nuzzles into your neck. 

“I think my heart is going to explode,” you whisper as you wrap your hand around the puppy. “He is so stinking cute.” 

Steve pushes himself up onto his elbows, watching you with a smile on his face, how the pup cuddles you, how it nuzzles against you, like you’re the mother. His heart warms at the sight of it in a way it never did before. 

“He loves you.”

You pout at his words, your eyes softening. 

“He loves you too,” you whisper.

“Nah,” Steve shakes his head, still smiling. “Not like that. He feels safe with you.” Just the way he does. 

“I wish I could keep him,” you say as you push yourself up, holding the pup against your chest. “But I have a feeling his mother is still around.” 

Steve nods, “yeah. We should stay put another day, if we don’t find her, we leave.”

You nod in agreement, though you can’t hide the sadness in your eyes. You know you shouldn’t have gotten attached to the pup as quickly, but you did. 

“Hey,” Steve whispers, reaching for your hand. “Maybe we’ll find you a dog puppy someday.” 

Warmth rushes through you as he squeezes your hand. You so badly want to entwine your fingers with his. 

“Yeah,” you smile, nodding. “I always wanted a dog, a big one.” 

“Yeah? What kind?” 

You shrug, looking down at the pup cuddling against you. “A german shepherd.”

“Then we’ll find you a german shepherd, Sunshine.”

“Really?” 

Steve sees the way your eyes light up at his promise and it only causes his smile to widen. 

“Yeah, unless we don’t find his mother, then we’ll keep this little buddy.” He whispers, petting the pup. “You think we can raise him like a dog?”

“Oh yeah! If wolves are raised around people and get proper training, they’re basically like dogs! Just with sharper teeth and more strength.” 

“You know a lot about them?” Steve smiles, raising his eyebrows. 

“Kinda, I guess? They’re my favorite animals.”

“Oh?” 

Steve looks surprised, and it confuses you. 

“Why do you seem so surprised?” 

He shrugs as he turns on his side, moving closer to you. 

“I don’t know. I just thought you’d like something uh… more tame.”

You squint your eyes at him, tilting your head to the side. “Tame? Like what, a sheep?” 

Steve chuckles, growing a little nervous under your gaze. He shakes his head, “no, not a sheep. I thought that maybe your favorite animal would be a kitten or a duckling.” 

“Oh! So you thought that I’m too soft to like a wild animal?” You chuckle, shaking your head at him. 

“No, no. It’s just…” He pauses, trying to think of the right words to say. “It’s just… you are soft– not in a bad way!” He panics as his eyes suddenly widen, and he looks like he is afraid that he said the wrong thing again. 

You keep your face straight, enjoying his struggle… a bit too much. 

“In a good way, in a… a pure– not like that… fuck.” He sighs, bringing his hand up to his face. “Just in a good way.” 

You can’t hold back your giggles when you notice the fear in his eyes and how he must think that he offended you. 

His shoulders slump, and he relaxes when he realizes that you aren’t offended by his words. 

“Oh Steve,” you murmur as you reach out to him, tapping his nose. “You still think I’m some soft, pure thing. You think that I’m a sheep, don’t you?” 

“No,” he shakes his head. “Not a sheep, certainly not a sheep.”

No, you could never be that, especially not by the end of this day. 

“Alright,” you mumble, still amused by his panicking. You sit up and take a look out the window. The pup gets off you and jumps from the bed. “Wow, the weather looks nice today,” you frown at the grey clouds. 

“Yeah.” Steve mumbles as he sits up too. 

“Let's get some coffee, and some food for baby over there.” You nudge your chin towards the pup sniffing on the fridge. 

Steve chuckles, “we should probably give him a name.” 

“Not yet.” You shake your head. 

“Eddie called him Ozzy already.” 

You roll your eyes, “yeah uh no! Not happening!” 

You scoot to the edge of the bed and lean down to put on your shoes. You tie your laces and push yourself up when Steve stops you, reaching for your hand. You look down at it, eyes stuck on his large hand enveloping yours. His warmth inviting as always. 

“Hey,” Steve whispers softly, looking up at you. 

You look into his eyes. All the amusement is gone, his face is serious again, his lips curled into a soft frown. 

“Are you feeling okay?” 

You furrow your eyebrows, tilting your head to the side again. 

“What do you mean?” 

“After yesterday… After our conversation a-and after you jumped into the water?”

Your heart flutters at the way he cares, at the softness in his eyes, and his touch. 

You nod, giving him a genuine smile. 

“Yeah, Steve. I feel okay, I feel good actually.” You squeeze his hand, promising him that. 

“You’ll let me know if that changes, okay?” He says softly, giving you a pointed look. 

“I will,” you whisper with no hesitation. 

Steve squeezes your hand back. He looks into your eyes for a moment longer before he tilts his head down, looking at your joined hands, at the way your hand fits into his… so perfectly. Something in him stirs, something in him yearns to keep holding on, to pull you closer. 

He clears his throat and lets go of your hand, “alright, let’s go grab some coffee.”

The pup is the first to jump out the moment Steve opens the door of the RV. 

Nancy and Eddie are sitting in front of the small fire, each with a cup of coffee in their hands, a map on the ground before them. Eddie looks up, his eyes lighten up.

“Ozzy!” He grins as he puts his coffee down to pick up the pup. 

Nancy laughs beside him when she sees your disapproving expression. 

“His name is not Ozzy!” 

Eddie ignores you as he pets the pup, “don’t listen to her, you got the most badass name, Ozzy.” 

Steve watches the way you roll your eyes and the way you try to hold back your smile. He chuckles softly and turns around, giving Nancy a nod as he reaches for the coffee pot. He pours you a cup first and hands it to you before he pours his own. 

Silence settles between you all for a moment. Eddie lifts his blanket over the pup before he continues to pet him, smiling brightly. 

Nancy tries to put her focus back on the map but finds herself distracted by you and Steve. Her curiosity is too big as she looks between you both. She watches the way Steve puts sugar in your coffee and the way you steal glances at him while he isn’t looking. 

A smile tugs on her lips when she sees him do the same, stealing glances when you’re not looking. 

How didn’t she notice before?

“So what’s the plan for the day?” Eddie speaks up after a few minutes of silence. 

Steve glances at you, eyes meeting yours. 

“We thought we’d stay here for another day, see if we can find the mother or if she finds him,” he explains as he gestures to the pup in Eddie’s lap. “And uh, you two can get some rest for now, get some sleep. Sunshine and I are gonna check out the nearby town afterwards.” 

Nancy lifts her mug to her lips, nodding at both of you, “sounds like a plan.” 

“And if we don’t find the mother?” Eddie asks, looking a little too excited at the thought of it. 

“Then we keep him.” 

Eddie’s eyes lock with yours. He wants to keep the pup just as much as you do. 

“We’ll fight over the name if we do, right?” He murmurs, squinting his eyes. 

“Mhmm,” you nod. 

Steve chuckles at the two of you. He looks down into his coffee. He can see his reflection in the dark liquid, he looks away. 

“You can give him two names,” Nancy shrugs as she gets up from her seat. She leans down and picks up the map. Pointing at you, she looks at Eddie, “she gets to pick first, she saved him.” 

Eddie’s eyes widen, a frown making its way on his face, “that’s not fair, you are just saying that because she’s a girl.” 

“That’s such bullshit,” Nancy chuckles as she continues her way to the RV. “Now get your ass up, we gotta catch up on sleep.” 

“Yes ma’am,” Eddie mumbles as he gets up as well after putting the pup down, he pets his tiny head, “keep these two on their toes will ya, bud?” 

Eddie winks at you before he looks over at Steve, wiggling his eyebrows, “have fun playing mom and dad.” 

Steve gives him a deadpan look, sighing in annoyance. 

But you pretend not to hear, not wanting to blush in front of Steve now. You busy yourself with your coffee.

“C’mon,” Nancy calls out to him as she opens the door. “Before I take the bed.”

Eddie skips up the stairs, chuckling. “I don’t want it anyways, who knows what happened there last night.” He says loudly before he shuts the door. The last thing you hear is Nancy’s laughter. 

You choke on your coffee as your eyes widen. 

Steve leans forward, ignoring Eddie’s comment. He pats your back, “you okay, Sunshine?” 

You nod your head quickly, blinking away the tears that built up in your eyes as you start coughing. 

“Peachy.” You manage to croak out after a moment. 

From the corner of your eye, you notice movement in the window. You turn towards it and find Eddie looking out, wiggling his eyebrows at you as he puckers his lips, making kissing movements as he points between you and Steve. 

Your eyes widen, and your cheeks heat up strongly, burning hotly even beneath the cold wind. 

Right. You forgot that you haven’t talked to him yet after yesterday, when he called you jealous after you found out about Steve and Nancy’s history. 

You shake your head at him, wanting nothing more than to flip him the bird. 

You see him laughing. 

God. This is gonna be a long day. 

-

The RV is filled with nothing but silence as Eddie wakes up hours later. He opens his eyes and stares up at the ceiling, feeling tired still. A weird, unsettling feeling pulled him out of his sleep. 

He swallows the lump in his throat as he pushes himself up, placing his palm against his beating heart, and he looks around. He tries to remember his dreams, if a nightmare had left him feeling weird, but he can’t recall it. 

Nancy isn’t sleeping anymore, she isn’t around the RV at all, but he can hear the movement outside. He peeks out the window to see her cleaning her gun. He closes his eyes and breathes out in relief. 

Despite being stuck in this world, he rarely feels unsettled. He rarely feels fear nowadays, which is surprising considering he almost died because of it. He used to run from things, he used to wake from nightmares covered in sweat, he used to feel crippling anxiety. It’s not like that anymore. He doesn’t know what it was that changed him, if it was a sudden surge of strength and confidence or if it was Nancy’s presence or something entirely else. 

But he is not the guy who woke in fear every day, not anymore. So he feels nothing but confused as the unsettling feeling in him continues to spread. 

“Calm down, Munson.” He mumbles to himself as he rubs his chest. He makes his way into the bathroom and splashes some cold water into his face before he puts his jacket and his shoes back on. 

When he walks outside, he takes an immediate look around, hoping that you and Steve haven’t left yet. 

His shoulders slump in relief when he finds the two of you on the field with the pup, playing with him as you and Steve throw sticks for the pup to catch.

Eddie takes a deep breath before he makes his way down the stairs, he glances at Nancy, “can’t sleep?” 

Nancy shakes her head. Her eyebrows are furrowed in concentration as she continues to clean her gun, polishing it. “Took an hour nap, woke back up. It’s not my day, I think.”

Eddie nods in agreement, he looks around, eyeing the snow covered field, the road nearby, and the forest that suddenly feels eerie to him. Nothing is moving, the wind isn’t howling the way it usually does. The silence is unsettling, adding to the feeling growing inside of him. There is a fog spreading as the grey clouds grow darker. 

The darkness will bring nothing good. 

“I think we should hit the road.” 

Nancy’s movements stop, she looks into the fire for a moment before she looks up at him. Her blue eyes flashing with concern when she sees the look in his eyes. 

“What? We said we’d–”

“I know what we said,” Eddie mumbles, glancing towards you and Steve, neither of you seems affected by the darkening clouds. 

“Is everything okay?” Nancy frowns. 

Eddie breathes in deeply, continuing to look around as though in search of something, for danger. 

“Yeah, just… have a bad feeling about the weather.” He lies. He wishes it were only that. 

Nancy doesn’t believe him; she can see right through him. She gets up and throws her gun on the chair. 

“Eddie.” Her voice is stern. 

He gulps, bringing his hand up to his chest again, which she notices right away.

Her frown deepens, and she shakes her head at him, “what is it?” She asks a little softer now, bringing her hand up to his upper arm. “You were fine before. What happened? Did you have a nightmare? Are you dealing with panic attacks again…?” She whispers softly. 

Eddie shakes his head, sighing. 

“No,” he murmurs as he stares at her, intensely. “I just… I just think we should leave this place.” 

She presses her lips into a thin line as she looks into his eyes, trying to figure him out, trying to figure out the fear lingering in them, but it only infects her as well. She doesn’t understand where this growing fear is coming from or why, but it makes her feel unsettled too. 

She looks into the forest and then at the clouds in the sky. Grey. Nothing but grey clouds. No red in them, no lighting surging through them. A part of her feels relieved. The other part feels a kind of fear she hasn’t had to deal with yet. 

Nancy takes a deep breath as she slowly looks towards the field, but you and Steve are no longer there. 

“If the wolf mother was around, she would have been here by now. We should go; there is no use staying here any longer.” 

Nancy looks back at him. 

“We’ll stop in the town down the road, and then we’ll get back on main.” Eddie speaks sternly, which surprises her, not knowing this side of him. “I’m not accepting any no’s.” 

She is a little taken aback when he brushes past her and turns his back to her, walking along the RV as his eyes are set on the field, “I’m gonna get Steve and–”

“Eddie.” 

“You heard what I said, Wheeler–”

“Eddie!” 

Only as she says his name a second time, does he pick up on the trembling in her voice, the fear. 

He halts in his tracks. Staring down into the snow, he feels the hairs on his neck stand up, goosebumps rising without him knowing why she sounds so afraid all the sudden. He doesn’t know what to expect when he turns around, but the fear grips him tightly. 

He feels the threat without having to look. 

Eddie slowly brings his hand up to his belt as he turns around. His eyes widen as his heart lurches to his throat when he meets Nancy’s panicked gaze, when he sees the gun to her head and the woman standing behind her. 

“Don’t even think about it, boy.” The woman calls out to him, her eyes stuck on his hand. 

He instantly reaches for the gun in his belt when the sound of a gun cocking behind him makes him freeze. 

“Nuh uh.” A man’s voice murmurs behind him, “drop the gun or this pretty girl right there will be covered in the remains of your brain.” 

He feels the gun against his head now. He sees the fear in Nancy’s wide eyes. He feels his own fear eating at him. The despair clinging to him now. 

“Take whatever you need and get the fuck out of here.” Eddie says through gritted teeth, feeling a surge of anger rushing through him. 

The man behind him chuckles. 

“I don’t think you’ll like what I’m here for.” 

Eddie’s face curls in disgust and in rage. He hasn’t even seen him yet, but he can tell what kind of man he can expect. 

Nancy’s hand is shaking, her eyes are filled with fear as she looks over Eddie’s shoulder before her eyes lock back with his. 

She wants to fight. She wants to fight so badly but she is crippled with fear. 

“Oh, this is gonna be fun.” 

Eddie’s head snaps up at the third voice. A guy walks around the RV, brushing past the woman and Nancy. A gun is strapped to his thigh, a machete in his hand. He is around their age. Tall, dark hair, a wicked look on his face that shows Eddie nothing but cruelty. 

The woman shared the same expression as him. 

The guy stops, sparing Eddie a glance before he puts his attention on Nancy. His eyes roaming her figure as he brings his machete up to her face, tilting her chin up with the blade. 

So those are the monsters you have told him about. 

“Don’t touch her!” Eddie snaps at him as the fear wears off and the anger grips at him. “I swear to god, don’t fucking touch her or I’ll–”

Before he can even finish his sentence, he gets pushed and thrown to the ground. He barely gets to recover before he feels the heavy boot stomping on his back, forcing him to stay down. 

“Let him go!”

“Tie these two up, will ya, Randall?” The man keeping Eddie down orders, gun still pressed against his head. “Now… where are your little friends?” 

-

“Come on, buddy.” You whisper to the pup, petting his head, “call out to your mama, you got this.” 

Steve is standing with his arms crossed, a big smile on his face as he watches you. You are kneeling on the snow, not caring about the cold digging through your jeans. The wolf pup has been trying to howl for the past ten minutes, though with failed attempts. 

“How does one teach a wolf to howl?” You ask, looking up at Steve. 

He shrugs, “guess you gotta show him.”

He chuckles when you roll your eyes at him, “I don’t think that it would sound very cute.”

Steve kneels down beside you, looking down at the pup who rolls around in the snow instead of howling to lure in his mother. He reaches his hand out, petting his belly. 

“Maybe he picked you out to be his mother,” Steve chuckles, watching with fondness in his eyes. 

“Would that make you his dad?” You blurt out without thinking.

Steve raises his eyebrows and turns to you, amusement flashing across his face when he sees the realization of your words sink in. Your eyes widen, and you start blushing beneath his gaze. 

“I’m… I mean because he–”

“Sure.” Steve shrugs. 

Your words get caught in your throat, and your cheeks heat up further. Something stirs in your chest as you look into his eyes, something deep, something hopeful. 

He doesn’t look away from you like you expect him to; he stares into your eyes just the way you stare into his. His gaze causes your heart to stop for a moment. 

The pup jumps up and around you both, kicking some snow into your lap, forcing your attention away from Steve. A giggle falls from your lips when it jumps towards you, crawling into your lap and nuzzling against your hand. 

“You know what, Stevie might be right,” you chuckle as you pet it. “I’ll happily be your mama.” 

Steve stares at you, his eyes softening more and more. Those words made his heart skip and flutter strongly, catching him off guard a little. His cheeks heat up for some reason, probably burning a bright red. 

“Guess we’ll just have to take you with us, huh? But first I need you to howl, I need to make sure,” you whisper. “Just one howl, baby.” 

Steve forces his eyes from you, he looks into the forest, squinting his eyes. 

“I think if she was still around, she’d be–”

A gunshot cuts him off, echoing through the large field and the forest. 

Your blood runs cold, and you both freeze. 

The pup jumps off your lap and runs off in the direction of the forest, giving you no time to grab him. 

You and Steve turn towards each other, the looks in your eyes matching. Fear. 

No words are spoken as you both move into action. You are the first to jump up, glancing at the pup one more time before you take off. Steve is right behind you as he reaches for the knife in his belt. 

You grab your gun, clicking off the safety. You hold it tightly in your hand. Your heart begins to pound strongly against your ribcage, your throat closing up from the panic rising up inside you. 

Million thoughts run through your head. The worry for your friends coursing through you like lightning. 

You don’t know what kind of danger to expect, what kind of death you will face now. 

Infected. Creatures. Or monsters. 

You let your guard down. You let it down, and now you will pay in some way. 

You pick up the pace when you are closer to the road. Steve’s footsteps echo behind you. The snow slows you both down. Neither of you is thinking, neither of you tried to come up with a plan, there can’t be one in a moment like this. 

Your friends are in danger, that much is clear. 

You have a feeling, a hunch. That sickening realization is rushing through you before you even set eyes on what you know you will face. 

What he had never faced before. 

Your blood runs colder, and your heart stops beating completely when your eyes lock with Eddie’s first. There is a machete to his throat, his nose is bleeding, dripping down onto the pavement he is kneeling on. 

Nancy is right beside him, kneeling with her hands tied behind her back. You can see how much she is trembling, how scared she is. 

You freeze, halting in your steps as you take in the sight before you. 

Your eyes move up and down their bodies, making sure they aren’t hurt. Neither of them is shot or seriously injured, but you can tell by the dirt on their clothes and the state of their hair that they had been dragged from the RV to the road. 

Anger ripples through you, killing any fear that lived in you just moments ago. 

Three. Three of them. Four of you. 

Two men. One woman. 

One is standing behind Eddie, smiling cruelly at you as you lock eyes with him for a moment. The woman standing next to Nancy is holding a gun to her head. Her eyes are void of anything. You have encountered people like her, like them. 

And lastly, your eyes meet the ones of the guy who shot to lure both of you in. He is big and burly. A sickening smile spreads across his face when Steve steps in front of you, pushing you behind him. 

“There is no use, boy.” He chuckles as he holsters his gun. He raises his eyebrows at you, eyes moving between your face and the gun. “Put the gun down, kid.” 

You step around Steve, shaking your head as you clench your jaw. 

“Let my friends go.” You demand, tightening the hold of your gun. 

They all chuckle, sharing glances with each other – angering you further. 

Steve’s eyes move back and forth between his friends and the man who is eying you with a smirk on his face. He can see the look in his eyes from miles away, the disgustingly wide pupils. 

A mixture of rage and despair rushes through him. The panic of not knowing how to get you all out of this situation. His fist clenches around his knife, his eyes locked with Eddie’s.

“Put the gun down,” the man repeats as he motions with his hand. 

The woman shoots into the sky before she puts her aim back on Nancy’s head. 

You all flinch, Nancy especially. 

“Put your weapons down, now!” The woman orders roughly as she nudges Nancy’s head with the gun. 

Your eyes never stray away from the man, your gaze never faltering. You know he wants you scared, you know he wants you trembling in fear. 

Steve is the first to move, he throws his knife onto the ground, the blade clinking against the pavement. 

“It’s okay, Sunshine.” He whispers as he takes your gun from your hands and throws it down as well. “It’s gonna be okay.” He isn’t sure if he even believes his own words. 

“Randall,” he orders, never looking away from you either. “Tie them up.” 

“What the hell do you want!?” Steve grumbles in anger, his eyes burning with rage. “You want food? We got it, you take it and you get the hell out of here–”

“That’s cute.” The woman chuckles, shaking her head at him. “Does it look like we’re starving?” 

Steve clenches his jaw, breathing in angrily. 

“No, I suppose not.” You speak in anger as you look the man up and down. 

The guy, Randall, stops before you two. He looks down at you, holding his machete tightly in his hand. 

You know you can’t fight back now, not when there is a gun to Nancy’s head. But you feel desperate to fight back. You’ve been in bad situations before, but it never came this far. You always managed to get away before this. 

“Get on your knees.” He orders, glaring at Steve. 

You have no choice, none of you do. 

“Do I have to repeat myself?” Randall asks as he lifts his machete up to your throat. 

Your heart keeps beating strongly, not out of fear. Not now. 

Steve’s eyes flare in anger. The urge to rip the machete from his hand and handle this growing deeper and stronger. 

“Don’t fucking touch her or I’ll–”

“Or you’ll what?” Randall mocks him, catching you off guard when he delivers a punch to his cheek before he forces him to his knees and gets behind him, grabbing his wrists. 

Steve grunts in pain, and he curses under his breath. “Fucking asshole.” 

Your breathing quickens, the fire in you burning deeper and stronger. 

You slowly get on your knees, knowing there is nothing you can do about it without losing one of your friends. If you move now, there will be a bullet in Nancy’s head, and you will not lose her. 

You never break eye contact with that man before you, not even when he slowly begins to make his way towards you. You know where he wants you, he wants you to feel scared, intimidated. 

He wants you to feel like prey. 

But you are no prey. 

Your heart is racing in your chest, though no longer out of fear. You can’t explain the feeling rising in you, you have never felt anything like this before. 

You know what will happen. 

You always do. 

But anger never flared up in you so strongly. 

The sickening look in his eyes is so clear, the disgusting smile spreading further as he grins at you wickedly. You can see how much he is enjoying this, and it does nothing but add fuel to the anger and the adrenaline growing in you. 

Hatred burns in you the way it never did before, a growing lust to take him apart and feed him and his friends to the infected taking place inside of you, especially when you feel Nancy’s fear and Eddie’s despair, when you hear Steve grunt in pain. 

“I’m gonna kill you.” 

Steve glances at you, needing a moment to register that those words fell from your lips. 

“I’m gonna kill every single one of you.” 

Eddie looks into your eyes as you repeat your threat. A shiver runs down his spine when he realizes that it wasn’t a threat but a promise. There’s no emotion in your voice, no fear, no bluff, nothing. 

He can see it now, how you survived on your own for so long. 

Randall chuckles behind you as he grabs your arms forcefully, wrapping the rope around your wrists. “You know how many people threatened us? What’s a small little girl like you gonna do, huh?” He asks as he works on tying you up. 

The burly guy kneels before you, cocking his head to the side as he reaches out to touch your face. 

“Don’t touch her!” Steve snaps at him with nothing but venom in his voice as he watches them both corner you. He feels helpless and desperate. The fear in him kills him slowly as he is scared for you. “Get your filthy hands off her!”

But the man barely looks at him, he keeps his eyes on you, caressing your cheek, even as you lean away. 

“Don’t worry, man.” Randall chuckles behind you. “I’ll fuck her little brains o–”

You throw your head back against his face with force, wanting nothing more than to hurt him, to break their bones, to kill. The loud crunch gives you the outcome you were hoping for. 

“You fucking bitch!” He cries out in pain, dropping your hands and the ropes he was working on, leaving the knot unfastened. 

Before you can even react, the man before you slaps you with the back of his hand, cutting through your skin in the process. Your head hits the pavement, causing your ear to ring. 

Steve calls out your name in panic, rising to his feet, ready to fight even with his hands tied behind his back. But Randall recovers quickly as he lurches forward and kicks his knees in, forcing him back on the ground. 

“Stay the fuck down!”

Eddie says your name, calling out to you in despair. 

Nancy stares in shock as she looks between you and Steve. 

“God.” The man sighs as he looks up into the sky. “I love it when they put up a fight, makes it all even better.” He steps forward. “I’m gonna have so much fun with this pretty thing.”

Steve senses heighten, fearing for you and Nancy as the anger takes further hold of him. His gaze is on the ground as he struggles, trying to tear the ropes around his wrists. 

He freezes when he feels a hand grabbing his chin, making him look up. The man towers over him with a disgusting smirk on his face. 

Steve freezes. 

“Yeah… I’m definitely gonna have fun with you.” 

Nausea washes over him as he takes in the dilated pupils in his eyes, the perverted look that was never meant for you but for him. 

“Yeah, you look tight.” 

The bile rises in Steve’s throat as a new kind of fear he never felt before rushes through him. 

Eddie’s and Nancy’s faces grow pale, both unable to move, both feeling helpless as they watch the man grab Steve by the collar of his jacket, dragging him forward. 

“Get your hands off me!” Steve grunts through his shock, trying to fight despite the restraints on his wrists. His movements cause something to fall out of his jacket pocket, landing right by the feet of his attacker. 

“Aw, have problems breathing, pretty boy?” The woman chuckles, eying the inhaler that Steve kept in his pocket in case you ever have an attack again. 

Even after your sickness, he never removed it. 

“Let him go!” You scream, struggling as you push yourself back up on your knees, watching in panic as Steve gets dragged away. “Let him go if you want to live–”

Randall grabs your cheeks. There is blood running from his nose. Knowing that you broke it makes you feel satisfied. He kneels before you, moving close to your face. His disgusting breath hitting your cheeks. 

“Don’t worry, you’ll get your turn too. I’m gonna make your friends watch and I’ll make it extra painful for your little move back there.”

“I’m going to rip your throat out,” you spit into his face, feeling nothing but uncontrollable rage now. 

“You–” He stops, eyes growing wide at the sound echoing through the trees. 

Everyone freezes, even the man dragging Steve. He keeps his hold on him as he looks around. 

You look over Randall’s shoulder, eyes locking with Eddie’s. 

Howling. 

“Wolves?” The woman mumbles as she lowers her gun and steps away from Nancy. “I haven’t heard a wolf in–” 

A shadow moves past you, catching you off guard. 

Before any of them can blink, the woman is taken to the ground with a force she can’t fight against. She drops her gun. Her scream echoes through the empty streets as teeth sink into her throat. 

The wolf you’ve been calling out to since last night, mauling at her neck. 

Randall turns around. 

You struggle against the restraints, cutting your skin open in the process. You don’t think, you don’t have the time to. You only see one way out. The adrenaline courses through you, gripping at you tightly. 

He reaches for his gun, ready to take out the wolf. 

You lurch forward, hands still bound behind your back. You don’t see another way out. You sink your teeth into his ear, biting through it with a force that could only be triggered by a hatred and an anger you didn’t even know you could have. 

He only manages to gasp in pain, unable to even fight against you at the sudden attack. The gun drops from his hand, clashing against the ground. His blood splatters all over your face as you rip his flesh with your teeth, not caring about the weight of your action, about the metallic taste now in your mouth. 

All you feel is disgust for these people, knowing that you weren’t the first they tried to do this to, knowing that they were successful all the other times. 

Who knows how many people they have done these things to? 

Who knows how many people they have raped and murdered?

You would do anything to stop that from happening. You would do anything to save your friends, to save him. Anything. Even this. Even if it means losing yourself. Even if it means becoming a monster yourself. 

You pull away and spit out the flesh and the blood in disgust. The blood oozing from the spot his ear used to be getting all over your face and your hair. 

He brings his hand up to the side of his head, weakly. His head turns towards you as he looks at you in horror. In this moment, you see into his eyes, into his soul and you see what you have caused, but even that isn’t enough. 

You rip your hands free from the ropes and push yourself up. You reach for the gun he is weakly struggling to get to. You rip it off the ground and look into his eyes as you finish him off. Shooting into his head, not once or even twice, you shoot several bullets into his head. 

The wolf dragging the woman across the floor back and forth, doesn’t even flinch nor do your friends. 

Steve stares at you, his eyes wide just like Eddie’s and Nancy’s. You are dripping with blood, the look in your eyes not recognizable as you hold the gun in your hand. 

You slowly look up, eyes locking with the man who is still holding onto Steve’s collar. Without a second of hesitation, you move your arm up and aim at him, pulling the trigger, but the gun never goes off, the clicking sound telling you that it’s empty. 

You throw it on the ground. Your eyes search for the machete of the guy you killed. Blood drips down your chin as you lean down and grab the handle. You wrap your fingers around it, gripping it tightly. 

“I–” The man who held Steve, drops his hand and lets him go, dropping him back on the ground again. His eyes move between you and the wolf still mauling at the woman’s neck, her body just as limp as the guy you murdered. 

You look up at him, eyes flashing with an even deeper rage. His threats of what he wanted to do to Steve brought out the ugliest side of you. 

He didn’t fear you before, no one did. But the sight of you now is sickly and disturbing, you don’t have to look at your reflection to see what kind of monster would do this. 

It doesn’t matter how much height or weight he holds to you, he had lost the moment your teeth went through Randall’s neck and his blood splattered all over your face. 

The wolf growls at the man after letting go of the woman, her teeth dripping with blood just like your own. She circles him, ready to attack for you if he tries to run. 

You start walking towards him, turning him into your prey now. He should have stayed far away, he shouldn’t have put a finger on them, on him. You don’t look at Steve or Eddie or even Nancy. You don’t look at anything but your target. 

You want him to suffer, knowing what would have happened if things had gone different, knowing what he would have done to Steve. 

“We– let’s forget this,” the man speaks, clenching his jaw as he looks at you with fear in his eyes. He glances at his dead friends as he begins to back up, not even considering reaching for his gun that is still in his holster. “Okay? I’ll take my truck– and we can simply pretend we never met. Yeah!? I have so many things in my truck–” 

You swing the machete before he can even finish his sentence. You swing it between his legs, cutting through his testicles. He yells out in pain, eyes growing wide as he stares at you in horror. 

You rip the blade out and he drops to his knees, murmuring nonsense as he looks down in shock, watching his blood rush onto the pavement.

But you aren’t done. You are far from done. 

You see red. 

You see blood red. 

You made a promise and you never break them. 

Your friends watch. They watch how you start stabbing him with the machete, again and again, drawing more and more blood with each stab into his body. Draining the life out of him. Stabbing until no more grunts of pain or whimpers fall from his mouth. Even when he lies lifeless on the ground, eyes wide and void, you don’t stop. The blade rips through the flesh, blood splatters all over you until you are dripping in it. Like you want his ghost to see what a mistake it was to mess with him. 

Steve calls out your name. 

But you are lost in the haze, drowning in the hatred, blinded by everything you didn’t know lived inside of you. 

“Sunshine…”

His voice is somewhere far away, but you hear it, you still hear it. It pulls you out, he pulls you out of the trance you are in. 

You drop the bloody machete on the ground and step away. Your chest is heaving, your eyes dark and burning with despair. Your hands are dripping with blood, everything is dripping with blood. 

For a moment, you stand there, breathing heavily as you look down at the slaughter caused by your own hands. Your shoulders are rising up and down heavily as you try to catch your breath. You look down at your palms, at your fingers that are dark red. You can wash them, you can wash the blood off, but your hands are forever tainted. Your soul is too. 

You didn’t kill. You slaughtered. 

And you’d do it again. For him, you would do anything. 

An angry scream rips through your throat, and it takes every bit of power left in you. 

You step away from the body on the ground. You turn away from it, facing the other one that you killed. There is blood. Everywhere. It’s all over the ground, it’s all over your face, all over your hands. You can’t even wipe it away. 

As the adrenaline wears off and reality faces you again, you feel the sickness in your throat rising up. Your chest starts heaving, and your vision becomes blurry; you can’t breathe in anymore, and the metallic taste makes you nauseous. 

A pained whimper falls from your lips as you step away from the bodies lying around you. You stumble back into the field, not noticing the wolf pup who found his way back here, sitting in the field watching you. 

You drop to your knees, the blood drips into the snow, redness covering the white ground. You stare at it for seconds, minutes, for what feels like hours. You stare at it until the wolf who ripped the woman’s throat apart walks past you. 

You stare at it, looking into its eyes. You see your sickening reflection in them. 

It’s the mother of the pup you have saved. She knew where he was, your scent was all over him. You saved one of her own, so she saved your friends. 

A tear slips down your cheek as you watch her walk away, back to her pup, back into the forest. 

Your bottom lip begins to tremble, the saliva on your tongue building up to the point you can’t take anymore. You clutch your stomach as you puke out the lunch you have eaten earlier. 

“Take it off, Nance. Please.” Steve trembles as he struggles with the ropes around his wrists. His eyes burn with tears as he watches you lose yourself in what looks like a panic attack. 

Nancy stumbles forward, her hands are shaking after cutting through her own restraints with the knife Eddie managed to reach for. 

Once free, Steve jumps to his feet and grabs the inhaler that fell out of his jacket. He runs to you, heart pounding in his chest. Worry etched into his features. He drops to his knees beside you. 

Tears are running down your cheeks, you are trying to breathe, but you can’t. Your throat is wheezing, and your eyes are filled with panic. 

“Sunshine,” Steve whispers, his own voice trembling. “I’m here. I’m here, you hear me?” He is desperate. Grabbing your bloody cheeks, he forces your attention on him. 

“I’m here, Sunshine.” He repeats, moving closer to you in the snow. “You have to breathe with me, okay… baby?” He whispers as he hands you the inhaler, in case this is what you need. 

You nod quickly and grab it. 

“Steve…” 

Your whimper breaks his heart, the whole sight before him breaks his heart. 

Nancy and Eddie watch from the side, their own faces pained. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay, I’m okay.” Steve whispers to you as he grabs your hand and brings it up to his chest. “We’re all okay.” 

You look down at your hand on his chest, at the blood you are getting all over him. You pull away and try to rub it off. You won’t calm down until you get it all off you. 

Nancy senses your distress and she wastes no time to make her way over to you. “Hey…” She calls out to you softly, getting down beside you, she places her hand on your back, whispering your name. “Come with me. We’ll get you cleaned up, okay?.” She takes your arm softly, gesturing to the blood you can’t get off. 

You sniffle as you nod quickly. 

Nancy helps you to your feet, wrapping her arm around you. 

Steve watches with a worried look on his face. He rises to his feet, reaching his arms out to you. He takes your hand and gives it a strong squeeze before Nancy leads you away. 

He doesn’t want to let you go, he doesn’t want any distance between you, not now. But Nancy pulls you away and towards the RV. 

Steve follows, not planning on following you both inside, but he just needs to be close. 

“Steve…” Eddie murmurs as he starts walking after him, ignoring the bodies on the ground. 

“I’m fine.” Steve mumbles, only really caring about you at this moment. He feels angry and weak. He watched someone hit you, he watched while he was dragged away, and he was unable to fight back. 

He swore to himself that he would protect you, that he would protect his friends – he did none of these things. 

Eddie picks up the pace, walking up beside him. He stays silent, for a moment at least. 

Steve glances at him. There is dried blood on Eddie’s face, a forming bruise on his eye. His nose is swollen; it’s clear he put up a fight, unlike him. 

“Hey, she will be fine…” Eddie speaks up after a moment. 

Steve frowns as he stops in front of the RV. He looks around, the fire is still burning, small but burning. He sees the blood on the snow, from where Eddie must have been beaten. A heavy feeling settles in his chest, knowing he wasn’t there to help, knowing that there wasn’t even anything he could have done. 

“Did you see her face? She is not fine.” Steve scoffs, shaking his head as he begins to pace around. 

“She will be! She is just shocked!” Eddie exclaims. Everything that happened has shaken him up as well. 

“Yeah, no shit, Eddie!” 

“Harrington, calm the fuck down before I puncture a tranquilizer on you. I also saw my friend getting punched and threatened to be taken advantage of. So please…” Eddie begs, his voice is shaking. 

Steve frowns, turning to face him slowly. It only now begins to dawn on him that Eddie isn’t only worried about you but also shaken by what almost happened to him. 

And it hasn’t even dawned on him fully either. He was worried about you, not thinking about what almost happened. 

But now, as he looks down at the blood that rubbed off your hands and onto his own, at the blood from the man you killed to save him, he begins to realize, and it makes him sick, it knocks the wind out of him. 

His breathing quickens, and he reaches for his chest. 

“Oh god,” he mumbles as his knees almost buckle. He stumbles over to the camping chair and sits down. 

Eddie rushes to his side, worriedly. He kneels beside him, grabbing his wrist. He notices how he begins to hyperventilate. 

“Man, you need to breathe…” He murmurs softly, his eyebrows furrowed. “Steve…”

“I– what would have happened…” Steve croaks out as his eyes flicker with shock. “Oh god… If it wasn’t for her, right now I would probably–”

“No. Don’t think about it,” Eddie shakes his head, grabbing his hand and holding it strongly. “It didn’t happen, that’s what matters… alright?” Eddie says, looking into his eyes intensely. 

Though the thought sickens them both. Neither of them had to deal with such threats in their lives. Never before. 

Steve closes his eyes as he takes deep breaths. 

It all happened so quickly, so suddenly. 

You saved him.

You. Only you. 

You killed for him, you went so far just to protect him. 

“She… god, she…”

“I know,” Eddie says softly, understanding without needing to hear him say more. “I know, Steve.” 

“How is she gonna–”

“She’s gonna be okay… You know her, man.” Eddie mumbles as he squeezes his hand. “She has us, she has you.” 

Steve swallows, nodding at his words. 

You are strong. Stronger than he once thought. 

“I get it now.” Eddie mumbles. 

Steve’s heart is still racing in his chest, strongly. His mind is still in a whirlwind, he will need time to process all that happened. 

“What do you mean?” He asks softly as he looks into Eddie’s eyes. 

“People are the real monsters. She told me that.” 

-

The water is splashing against the tiles, warming up still. 

Nancy glances at you worriedly as she takes off your bloody clothes. You are not moving, your face is void of emotions as you stare at the wall before you. 

“Step out of your shoes, please.” Nancy says softly after undoing your laces. 

You do as you’re told, stepping out of them. You look down at your feet, even your white socks are red. 

“I’m gonna take off your pants, okay?” Nancy mumbles, looking at your face, her eyes scanning your every feature. 

You only nod, not finding it in yourself to speak up. 

Nancy unbuckles your belt, pulling through the loops as she removes it from your jeans completely. She throws it into the sink, leaving it there to wash it later. 

“Come on.” She pushes you forward towards the shower. The space is small and definitely not meant for two, but she won’t leave you alone here, not now. 

You look down at yourself, the blood seeped through everything, even your bra. The blood clinging on your whole body. You step into the shower, letting the warm water envelope you. 

Nancy keeps her arm around you, her other hand on your wrist as she helps you inside. The water hits her too, seeping through her sweater. 

“You good?” She whispers, her blue eyes searching for any discomfort. “Is the water too hot, too cold?” 

You shake your head, “fine.” You manage to croak out before you close your eyes and step beneath the stream completely. Letting the water wash away the remains of this day. As though it could actually clean you. 

You place your hands against the wall as the water runs down your back, pooling at your feet – the blood. 

Nancy steps back to take her sweater off, she throws it into the corner before she reaches for the shampoo. 

“I’m gonna wash your hair, okay?” 

You don’t really say anything, just nodding at her words. You keep your eyes closed and you listen to the sound of the water, feeling the warmth splashing onto you, feeling her fingers running through your hair, washing away the blood. 

You lower your head for her, and you make the mistake of opening your eyes and seeing just how much blood is flushing down the drain now. 

You knew there was no running from it. You knew this day would come. It almost came before, but back then, you managed to get away before you had to take such a burden on you. 

There is no regret in you, no remorse. It had to be done, and you would do it again and again if it meant saving someone you love. 

They deserved it. You know they did. You saved not only him, Eddie, and Nancy but many others who would have encountered them if you didn’t stop them. 

You know what he wanted to do to Steve. You know what would have happened to Nancy, to you, and to Eddie if it wasn’t for the wolf, if it wasn’t for your sacrifice. 

You wouldn’t be here now. 

You wouldn’t be here at all by the next morning – none of you. 

A whimper falls from your lips as your eyes well up with tears again. The tension slipping off you slowly as the realization rushes through you of the pain you have spared your friends and yourself from. 

Nancy stops her movements, glancing at your face in concern. 

Your bottom lip begins to tremble, your whole face crumbling as a sob tears from your throat, and you start crying. 

Nancy’s own eyes burn with tears as she stares at you. You just stood there like a lifeless doll, and now your face is etched in pain. Her heart breaks at the sight of you, and she doesn’t hesitate to move forward, to step into the shower with you, not caring about her clothes getting wet. She wraps her arms around you, pulling you into her embrace. She holds you tightly as she presses her forehead to your temple. 

You say her name brokenly as the tears cascade down your cheeks, mixing with the blood still clinging to you. 

“Shh, it’s okay,” she whispers into your ear as she tightens her hold on you, hugging you tighter when she feels your knees buckling. “I got you.” 

You wrap your hand around her bicep, gripping it tightly, like you need to be sure that she is there, that you are all okay. 

“Steve–”

“He is okay. Eddie is with him, I promise.” She whispers, not trusting her own voice as her chest tightens. “I’m sorry you had to do this. I am so sorry…”

You hold onto her tighter, feeling safe in her embrace, knowing she would have done the same for you if things had gone differently. 

“It’s okay,” you whisper weakly. 

You stand there for a moment, not moving, not speaking, you just stand there, holding onto each other, being there for one another. 

You know you won’t be okay, not today and not tomorrow but you will recover with them by your side. You will. It’s gonna take a while, you know that but it will be alright again. 

You know that when you look into her eyes and you see the unspoken promise that she makes. 

She will be there, and they will be too. 

-

Eddie keeps the fire smaller than all the nights before. The anxiety of this day takes over as he wonders what mistake was made for these people to attack so easily. 

Nancy’s gun is strapped to his thigh for now. He is staring into the small flame, his eyes moving back and forth between that and Steve, who is pacing around again, who won’t stop pacing. 

Eddie cleaned the blood from Steve’s hands, brought him fresh clothes to change into so he won’t have to look at the stain of blood on his shirt. He took care of his friend the way he once took care of him. 

And now Eddie is sitting down, staring at Steve who is looking just as restless. 

You haven’t come out yet, he doesn’t know how long it’s been, but it feels like forever. That sky has turned dark already, and he refuses to spend another night here. He will drive through the night, he doesn’t care, but he needs to get you all out of here. 

“Fucking Nebraska.” He murmurs under his breath. 

Steve stops pacing the moment the RV door opens, and you step outside first. Steve’s eyes scan your whole body. Your hair is still wet, there is a bruise forming on your cheek, a band aid covering the cut on your cheekbone. You’re wearing a sweater that looks way too big on you. 

His eyes lock with yours, and they turn glassy immediately when he sees how red and puffy they are. His heart aches at the sight of you, yearning to feel you close, to wrap his arms around you and never let go. 

He whispers your name, and you instantly move forward as he does the same. You meet each other halfway, wrapping your arms around one another into a tight hug. 

You don’t bother hiding your cries as you nuzzle your face into his chest and wrap your arms around his waist, melting into his embrace and holding him shakily. 

He closes his eyes as he hides his face in the crook of your neck. He holds the back of your head as he finally gets to feel you again. His heart calming down yet racing at the same time. 

“Are you okay?” He whispers softly. 

You nod against him, squeezing him as you bury yourself further into him, not wanting to let go, not wanting to pull away just yet. 

“Are you?” You mumble. 

Steve sniffles softly, nodding as he runs his fingers through your wet hair. He breathes in the scent of your body wash, of his toothpaste you have used, of the cherry shampoo that you only have a little left of. He holds on tighter, never wanting to let go, never wanting to miss the touch of you. 

There was a reason why he felt so safe with you. 

“I am now.” 

Eddie glances at Nancy. She still stands in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest, as she watches you both with a weak smile on her face. She turns to face the metalhead when she feels his eyes on her. 

‘You okay?’ He mouths, eying her figure. 

Nancy nods with furrowed brows, giving him a tight lipped smile. ‘You?’ 

He lifts his hand up, giving her a thumbs up as he tries to smile at her, wanting to lighten her up a little, but even he can’t act okay. Not today. 

Eddie gets up from the chair, and he clears his throat. 

You and Steve pull away from each other, though keeping your hands locked. 

“I won’t stay here another night. You guys can uh, get some rest in the back.” Eddie gestures to the back of the RV, where the ‘bedroom’ is. “Nance, you can get some sleep too, but I’m driving. I won’t take any more chances, we’re gonna get the hell out of here.” 

No one protests against him. 

Nancy nods in agreement, wanting nothing more than to get away from here too. 

“Yeah.” Steve mumbles, looking down at you. 

Your gaze meets his. You don’t speak, you don’t have to, your eyes say enough. 

Nancy disappears back into the RV. Eddie follows her after killing the flame still burning in the little pit. He nods at you both before he walks away. 

Steve tugs at your hand, “come on, Sunshine.” 

You squeeze his hand as you move towards the stairs, you halt in your tracks and look over your shoulder one more time. Taking a look at the field you have last seen the wolves.

The pup now reunited with his mother, like you wanted it to. 

A lingering sadness spreads inside of you. You take a deep breath, sighing softly before you turn back around and walk inside. 

Without any words shared, Steve leads you to the tiny ‘bedroom’. He takes his jacket and his shoes off and you follow suit before you settle on the bed, scooting closer to the window and making space for him. 

There is a small lamp on the shelf above the bed, it’s burning an orange golden. The color of the light kisses your skin. His chest aches at the sight of the evidence the fight left on you. The anger still living in him, despite the attackers being dead. 

Your wet hair falls in front of your eyes, and he doesn’t hesitate to move forward, he sits down close to you, and he lifts his hand to cup your cheek. 

“Hey…” He whispers, lifting your face to make you look at him. The look in your eyes is soft, vulnerable. Its so different from what he saw in you before. It makes his heart ache more. He saw how much you struggled with yourself after what you did, how much you still struggle. 

You weren’t ready. 

“Sunshine,” he whispers as his eyes roam your face, as he notices the tears welling up in your eyes. 

He won’t ever let anything like this happen. 

He won’t let anything happen to you. 

“I would have done the same for you,” he whispers as he leans down, pressing his forehead against yours. “I hope it doesn’t come to it, but I would do it if–“ His words get caught in his throat. 

He heard the threats that were directed towards you as well and it pains him and angers him at the same time. 

Your sniffle breaks his heart as another tear rolls down your cheek. 

“I would do so much worse…” He whispers. 

You bring your hands up to his shoulders, your body trembling in his embrace as you look into his eyes. 

“You would?” You whisper shakily.

“I would.” He nods, promising it to you with a determined look in his eyes. “I would do anything for you.” 

You don’t know if it’s his promise or if it is him caring about you that makes you so emotional, if it’s this day catching up to you or the fact that he is here and well but before you know it, you break into cries and you throw your arms around him, pulling him tightly against you. 

Your heart is in your throat as you cry, beginning to feel him shaking under your embrace. His mouth is pressed against the crook of your neck and shoulder, his tears staining the shirt you are wearing, but you couldn’t care less. Not when your mind drifted back to him being chosen for that. Not when your mind reeled back to how the man grabbed him by his collar, dragging him inside this RV, eager to do stuff to him you couldn’t even imagine.

You’re not sure who moved first, if you or him, but somehow you two got under the covers, still holding each other close, crying into one another, not being able to stop, not being able to stop the images and the repetition from replaying in your heads, over and over and over again.

Your voice was small as you tried to talk, completely broken as you felt you felt your throat dry as sandpaper.

“You almost– You almost got–”

“I don’t want to think about that, and I don’t want you to think about that either… Please, Sunshine. We’re safe… We’re safe because of you…” He couldn’t stop shaking. After all the horrors he endured, the horrors he witnessed, the horrors he fought against… maybe that could have been the worst one yet. The one who could have shattered him completely. The one who could have probably made him lose himself, if not for a while, forever. 

But if it hadn’t been for you, who knows what else they had planned for your group. What they had planned for you, for Nancy, for Eddie. You choked on a sob, feeling your eyes as if they were about to explode from how puffy they felt, how raw.

“I– I killed humans. People. I killed people.” You were in shock, and he took a deep breath before pulling his head back to make you look at him. This is the first time you two saw each other this broken. This anguished. He shook his head at you, his arms never leaving your body.

“You killed monsters… True monsters. A demogorgon would not do what they planned to do… They go for the instant kill, with no other ulterior motive, with no torture… And that makes them more humane than whatever these three beings were.” 

And he was right.

Your head leaned close to his chest, your tears finally slowing down after his words processed inside your head. His heart resonated in your ears, and you could still hear it because of what you did. 

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Yes. You would do it again if it meant you could keep hearing this. Just like this. Close. Warm. Calm.

“Stay with me, Steve…” His embrace tightened around you, his eyes finally closing as he felt your breaths slowing down under his palms. Up and down. Up and down. Gentle, little by little.

His lips instinctively pressed at the top of your head, but you were already sound asleep before you could notice them, before you could feel the tender touch he just gave to you. His eyes closed as he felt safe, the RV starting to rock him to sleep as Eddie drove, heading to whatever destination he desired, just far away from here.

“Always, Sunshine…”

☀︎

taglist: @prettyboyeddiemunson @pretentious-blonde @thecreelhouse @tvserie-s-world @thesickestqrmydcll @crispystarfishhottub @sophal22 @definitionwanderlust @talkativecarnation @mysticalwoolenfroglegs @ariesandwolves @mortqlprojections @sattlersquarry @sherrylyn0628 @purpleeyeswithgoldensparkles @micheledawn1975 @keepingitlokiii @littleromanoff2005 @sunshine-mrk @xxladymjxx @bananasplits-world @myharrington

[chrissv4mp]

♱ before your kisses turn into bruises, i'm a warning

warnings. smut, scissoring, fingering, nipple play, fluff, angst, and language.

synopsis. you have a run-in with a "shark" during a walk on the beach—turns out, it's just a runaway dog with terrible name timing. it's owner? a girl who you never intended to meet but is now stuck in your world.

words. 5.7k

letters. longest thing i've written in a while!!!! hope you all enjoy this, i enjoyed writing it cus it made think about my vacation to hawaii last winter 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

the sun's just starting to rise, stretching slowly over the water as you make your way down stone steps that are eventually swallowed by the sand. it's soft and a bit cool beneath your feet, a nice contrast from the warm condo sheets and god-awful pillow that felt like it was suffocating you. jetlag from your flight had you asleep the second you stepped into your designated room for the two week you'd be here.

your friends were still sound asleep in the condo, just as tired as you were. maybe even more tired, seeing as they were still out cold.

the waves are soft, controlled as you walk along the shoreline, sunglasses perched on top of your head even though there's hardly any light. just a bit of pink and purple across the sky. it's all peaceful. steady.

"shark!"

you swear you feel your heart skip a beat, stopping dead in your tracks as you hear the single word. you whip your head around quickly, swallowing nervously.

and there stands a girl—about your age—skipping the steps and practically throwing herself into the sand, dark hair catching the wind. she's got a muscle tee clinging to her body, a backwards cap threatening to fall off her head, and jean shorts that are definitely way too big for her. she's yelling like someone's getting murdered.

"shark! hey, c'mon, boy, get back here," she calls, voice less frantic now.

your brain short circuits. what?

you look around, trying to figure out if this is some type of joke. or maybe this is how locals handle emergencies. she's bolting right towards you, kicking up sand, looking completely unbothered by the actual shark she just screamed bloody murder about.

taking a step back, you raise an eyebrow. "hi, um... is everything—?"

then, barreling out of the dunes behind her, a dog comes sprinting toward the water. a pit bull. tongue out. tail wagging.

you stare. then look back at the girl.

she stops, glancing over at you for the first time, a lazy grin forming on her pink lips.

"that's shark," she says, like that explains everything. "my bad. he's always scaring the tourists away."

you blink, opening your mouth but then closing it.

all you can think to say is, "...who names their dog shark?"

her grin widens, "i do."

then she whistles, calls out for him again, and jogs past you like it's the most normal thing in the world, sand sticking to the back of her calves, cap crooked and hair messy.

you watch her run up the stairs, trying to process the whole thing and contemplating if it's a dream or not.

until a familiar voice cuts through the quiet, "who was that?"

your friend, mia, is at the stairs that billie just walked on a few seconds ago, arms crossed, oversized sleep shirt hanging off one shoulder. the morning breeze plays with the ends of her braids, and she squints at you like she's still just waking up.

you shrug, beginning to walk towards her, "nothing. just some girl yelling about a shark."

she scoffs, "...that's not nothing?"

"well, the shark was a dog," you say, earning a chuckle from your friend, "and they scared the shit out of me."

your friend gives you a suspicious look, but she doesn't push. instead, she just mutters something about how you always attract the weird ones as she turns on her heel and starts walking back to the condo.

the rest of the morning seems to pass by slow after you and mia sneak back into your rooms and pretend to wake up again a few hours later. you're the first one out of bed, dragging your feet as you walk into the kitchen and sit at the rather large marble island.

a door down the hall you just came from opens just before you can do anything else, and here comes ivie. she's only wearing one sock, her hair is everywhere, and she's smiling sleepily as she walks into the kitchen and drops onto the stool next to you.

"sleep good?" you ask, an amused smile on your lips as you turn to her.

her reaction is delayed, which is all you need to know in order to put the pieces together that she, in fact, had a terrible night's rest.

a soft groan escapes her puffy lips as she leans forward into your chest, "the pillows were the worst. kept feelin' like they were trying to suffocate me in my sleep."

glad you weren't the only one who thought that.

"you too?" both of your heads turn to the staircase, watching as paige came down the stairs rubbing her eyes and yawning.

mia is a few steps behind her, sending you a small smile that you return as she goes to open the fridge, asking if anybody was hungry for breakfast. you all agree on eggs and toast, and ivie runs off to her room to grab a speaker from her bag.

she sets up her phone and hits shuffle on the playlist you four shared, and pink + white by frank ocean starts playing through the speakers loud enough to get a noise complaint.

the morning is calm, comfortable. just like the ones you imagined you and your friends would share on this little summer getaway. paige singing awfully in the shower. mia complaining about how her sunscreen won't rub in all the way. ivie throwing all of her clothes around in her room to find the perfect outfit.

when everyone's finally put together, you suggest a smoothie run, which turns into a whole afternoon trip into town.

the streets are warm and quiet, full of surf shops and flirty guys with sunburns. you've got on new sunglasses and your smallest pair of shorts, your friends muttering about stickers and overpriced tote bags.

when someone catches your eye.

it's that girl from the beach. same muscle tee, same backwards cap. now she's standing at a cart with a bright yellow umbrella above it, arguing with some ice cream. shark is sitting beside her, panting happily.

you pause for a second, actually stopping in front of ivie and paige, causing them to bump into you.

but she looks up—and there's no doubt she doesn't see you.

her lips quirk up into a half-smile. lazy. a bit smug.

she nods over at you, silently letting you know she sees you. but your friends have already started teasing you so much you don't even notice.

mia laughs, eyeing the girl, "is that the shark girl?"

you roll your eyes, starting to walk again and straight up ignoring the question even as your cheeks heat up and your palms start sweating. she was just some girl you had a small interaction with, you weren't gonna fall for her, let alone have any interest in her.

still, your heart beat speeds up just a little.

paige is already rambling on about some girl she saw at the smoothie shop, unknowingly saving your ass from the embarrassment and teasing of ivie and mia. her story lasts the entire walk back to the condo, and you silently thank her for being able to fall in love with any and everyone she sees.

the sun's started to go down, casting golden light onto the sidewalks. you're carrying a few shopping bags, still half-full on smoothies and sunburned in the one spot you swore you covered before leaving.

"okay, don't get mad at me for this," paige adds after a moment of silence, twirling a strand of hair between her fingers. "but while i was talking with that girl, we snuck off..."

you raise a brow. "...and?"

she grins. "she invited us to a party. it's tonight. rooftop access, a few blocks down, music, hot guys and girls, free drinks if they like you."

you sigh softly, looking around at the group as you all approach the house. as you unlock the front door and walk in, you hear a chorus of yeses and excited scrambling behind you.

and you?

you're not about to pass this up. especially when you're on vacation. and also because billie might be there.

so, you agree.

the party's already in full swing when you get there—balcony lights strung up like constellations, music thumping through the wooden floor, and that salty, warm air enveloping everyone like some oddly comforting blanket.

ivie and paige are already making their way through the crowd not even 5 minutes after getting through the door, and mia politely excuses herself to go find the restroom.

so, you slowly make your way through the crowd to find the kitchen. after pouring yourself a drink, you tuck yourself into some corner in the living room, watching the mess unfold. you're already regretting coming here, eyes moving all around the place.

and then something pulls your attention.

the girl. again.

you swear the universe was trying to tell you something, or maybe she was literally stalking you and the perfect little idea you made up of her in your head wasn't true at all. you hope it's the first option because the way she's looking at you from across the room is making your stomach flutter.

she's in a jersey and some jeans now. her hair's a little messier than the last time you saw her, wild from the wind. but her hat's facing forward this time, casting a dark shadow over her eyes. it shouldn't make her hotter. but it does. stupidly so.

and, as always, she sees you too.

it's subtle at first, the little game you two are playing. the flick of her eyes in your direction. the way you look away as soon as you catch her gaze.

eye tag.

she's sneaking through the crowd like she belongs there, eyes trained to you like a predator. but you don't feel intimidated or scared. just drawn to her. yet you didn't even know her name.

you lose her after a minute, someone walking in front of you just as she's about to come close, but then she's gone. your brows furrow in confusion. there's no way. was that imaginary? is she imaginary?

"keep staring and i might have to call someone on you," her voice startles you for just a moment until you realize it's her.

turning your head, you're met with ocean blue eyes and the lazy smirk you'd grown accustomed to. a smirk of your own tugs at the corners of your mouth, "sorry, sorry."

she huffs a laugh, looking down, stuffing her hands in her pockets, and leaning against the wall you're up against. her eyes meet yours again, soft, comforting.

"i don't mind," she says quietly, just above the music. "i think i like the attention. especially from pretty girls like you."

you nod your head slowly, "wow, flirting already and i don't even have a name yet."

"i'm billie," she adds, like she hasn't owned half of your thoughts since sunrise.

you hum, trying to play it cool as you exchange your own name. "guess i can stop calling you 'shark girl' now, huh?"

billie laughs, biting her lip and taking a step closer, "'shark girl' is cool too," she shrugs, voice lower now, lazy. dangerous in the best possible way.

her eyes burn into yours, making you glance away just to catch your breath. there was something about her energy. the way she moved, spoke, existed. it was so unlike everything back at home.

she was just... different.

"do you always hit on tourists at parties like these?" you joke, trying to give yourself a break.

but billie's already shooting back, nodding down, "only one's that wear skirts that short."

"you're impossible."

"and yet... here you are. still talking to me."

you bite your lip, finally gaining the courage to look her in the eyes again. bad idea. the way she simply stares at you just makes your heart start beating 10x faster than normal, your breath catching again.

she notices this time, you're sure of it. but she doesn't say anything, just observes you, waits for your next words, your next move, like she's trying to predict what you'll do.

"got me there," you murmur softly.

the whole reason you came here was to make memories, to make the best of this short vacation. and here you were, talking to some girl you met just this morning and already falling in love. some girl that you'll have to leave in a few days.

it doesn't hit you that you only have one week here when billie's staring at you like that, lower lip tucked between her perfect teeth, eyelids droopy, and full of interest.

but then someone runs up to you, grabbing your arm and shaking it wildly, "okay, okay, okay—hey, come with me!"

fucking paige.

she's tugging you away from billie before you can even make an effort to protest, "don't ask questions, just come with me, 'kay?"

you glance at billie as you're being dragged away, only to find her following you with slow steps that somehow keep up with paige's fast strides.

"am i about to get sacrificed, or...?"

"only if you're lucky," she giggles. "come on!"

you mutter some curse under your breath but follow her anyway, heart still thumping from billie's words. speaking of billie, she's still following right behind you two, smirk growing wider like she already knows what's about to happen. the three of you make your way down a narrow staircase, past drunk couples, and empty plastic cups until you reach a basement that looks like someone's personal man cave—but much cleaner.

there's a circle of people formed on the floor, an empty bottle in the middle of it.

"spin the bottle? seriously?" you deadpan, feeling paige's hand slip from yours.

she nods, practically bouncing. "they said only cool people, so obviously i told 'em we were coming."

you shoot her a glare, but she's already scurrying over to the girl you assume invited her. billie's not far behind her—sitting in an empty gap of the circle like it was routine. like she's still not invading your every thought. so, with a defeated sigh, you go and sit next to paige and her little girlfriend, across the circle from billie.

a few spins go by. strangers kissing strangers. obnoxious laughter. half-hearted cheers. you're nearly asleep from how boring it's getting. and billie can tell, her eyes raking over you and examining your facial features and body language, the way you rested your chin in the palm of your hand. she bites her lip, smiling like she's planning something.

and then it's your turn. you're on the verge of dozing off when paige nudges you harshly, muttering something about billie that you don't quite hear.

you lean over, spinning the bottle and then sitting back down calmly like you're not trying to calculate who it'll land on.

it slows after a few seconds, stuttering.

then, it stops.

billie.

you hold your breath as you look up at her, watching as the smirk on her face grows into a full smile, showing off her pretty teeth.

she just chuckles, laughing louder when paige hollers, "finally!" like she was waiting for this very moment to happen.

billie just sits there, so, you move first. she's biting her lip again, keeping eye contact with you and letting herself relax like it's normal to be kissing someone in front of nearly 15 people.

and when your lips touch—it's anything but normal.

she kisses you like she's trying to prove a point. one of her large hands grips your hip, the other sliding up your side like she owns your body. you gasp into her mouth, fingers curling at the collar of her jersey.

someone groans. another mutters, "holy shit."

neither of you can hear, though.

your free hand tangles in her hair, knocking her hat off her head accidentally, and billie just groans softly against your lips, pulling you onto her lap like nobody else is watching. like she didn't just meet you this morning.

when you finally pull back, your lips feel swollen and your pulse is wild. you don't even attempt to look around, but you can feel the silence.

billie's breathless, her grip on your body tightening like she doesn't want you to go. but, when paige buts in again, she decides it's better to continue this later.

you head back to your spot next to paige, eyes still glued to billie. you're both still catching your breaths, and she's trying to maintain any sense of self control she still has left before she pounces on you in front of everyone.

it's the next girls turn, a curly brunette wearing a cherry red top. you can hear the whispers already starting to surface, hearing the name "riley" amongst everyone hoping the bottle lands on them.

"just a heads up," she announces whole crawling over to the bottle, "i don't do half-assed kisses."

you already don't like her.

then she spins the bottle, dragging her fingers across it as if she's trying to make it land on a certain someone. it twirls, stuttering a few times, and you can already feel it in your chest before it even stops.

it lands on billie.

again.

riley grins. "rules are rules."

billie rolls her eyes playfully, beckoning her over with a curl of her fingers.

she's on billie's lap in less than 2 seconds, their mouths connecting instantly. and it's a lot.

hands in hair, mouths open, and billie's practically licking the inside of riley's mouth, and someone's literally filming it. your jaw tightens. because it's hot, sure. but it's not you. and that just makes the situation worse.

you still watch, pretending not to care. pretending like your nails aren't digging into the carpet.

but the kiss doesn't look the same. nobody's gasping or gawking over it like when you kissed billie. there's no tension in the air, no fingers digging into hips, no slow pull-away like she wants more.

it's just for show.

paige's girlfriend breaks the silence, "okay, okay, damn. game's over. we're not filming a porno in the basement."

there're a mixture of laughter and disappointed groans. people start getting up. paige is just about to grab your hand, but you're already on your feet. already heading upstairs.

you set your cup down on the counter when you reach the kitchen again, pouring yourself another drink to try and get rid of the jealously burning beneath your skin. try to ignore the way your heart's beating in your ears.

"you jealous?" billie's teasing voice erupts from behind you, a small laugh escaping her throat.

you don't turn around to face her. just sip from your drink slowly. "why do you think that?"

she steps closer, crossing her arms over her chest. "because i could feel your eyes burning holes into riley and i when we were kissing."

that's when you turn around.

she's closer than you thought—hat in her hand, hair a little wild from the kisses and the heat. her eyes drink you in like she hasn't already had a taste. like she wants more.

"you think i kiss everyone like i kissed you?" she asks, voice low.

"i think you could."

billie hums. "but i don't."

you hate the way that makes your cheeks heat up.

she reaches out, putting hat back on, and brushing your fingers where they're clenched around your cup. "you mad at me?"

you shake your head. but it's too quick.

"liar," she says softer, stepping closer. "i can tell. your expression is tense. and you're looking at me like you wanna kill me."

billie grabs your waist before you can say something smart, pulling you in like it's nothing. like you belong this close to her.

she just stares into your eyes, grabbing the cup from your hand sneakily and setting it down on the counter next to you. it's darker now. the only light source being the under-cabinet lights. upstairs, you can hear the music and the energy. it's pulsing through the ceiling. bass and bodies and someone screaming along to whatever's playing.

but down here, it's quiet.

just you.

and her.

you can smell hints of salt and something citrusy clinging to her jersey. her eyes are locked on yours, slowly drifting to your lips as if she's trying to figure something out. as if she wants to lean in closer and kiss you again.

and you want her to. you really, really want her lips back on yours. but the longer you look into her ocean blue eyes, the more you realize that your time together is limited.

a huff passes through your lips, a defeated one.

"look, you can kiss whoever you want. it's not like i'm gonna be here any longer, anyway," you say, trying to shrug off the feeling like the words don't sting. "only a week. and i'm not exactly planning a long distance... whatever this is, with some girl i literally met today."

she pulls you closer. "so don't plan."

you chuckle. "oh, cause it's so easy, huh?"

"it is, actually."

you roll your eyes, but your voice has an edge to it. "what's the point if we have limited time? why should i bother creating a bond with you if we don't even live in the same place? you don't even know me."

she leans in, breath shallow like she's getting mad.

"so what, you think i'm just some girl you can kiss and forget about?" she scoffs, voice low. like she's challenging you to say something smart.

you don't say anything. and that's all she needs.

her lips are on yours in an instant, and this time, it's not gentle. it's messy. urgent. no audience. no background talk. just tongues and teeth and hunger, like she's been waiting all night to finally get her hands on you. her fingers slide beneath the hem of your top, gripping your waist tighter.

you should pull away, but the way she's holding you so securely, so tight, it makes you wanna melt into her. the way her grip never lets up practically forces the argument out of your head and turns it into something hotter. your breath catches in your throat, and for a moment, you really forget about everything else—your anger, your stress, the fact that this might be the worst idea of your life.

when she pulls away, her forehead rests against yours. her breath's ragged, and yours isn't any better.

"you're right," she murmurs. "we don't have much time. so let's make it count, yeah?"

you're silent at first, still trying to catch your breath as you search her eyes for something. but then you nod, and billie wastes no time in dragging you down a dark, narrow hallway, hand gripping yours like you'll leave if she lets go.

you let her take the lead, your heart pounding in your head louder than the music upstairs. her shoulders are tense. and so are yours. everything's moving so fast, but somehow not fast enough for your liking.

she pushes open a random door at the end of the hall without knocking, kicking it shut when you're both inside. it's someone's room, or a guest room, you don't know. the bed's made, but the blinds are broken, and there's a jacket tossed over the desk chair. the air's somehow warmer in here.

you can barely register anything else before billie's lips are on yours again, hands on your face. you kiss her like you're still mad. like you need to get something through to her that is beyond words.

her hands find your waist again, fingers tugging at the hem of your top and tugging it up your body. you put your arms up, pulling it over your head and throwing it on the floor. her fingers are back on you immediately, pulling you close until your hips collide. she leans back in, teeth catching your lower lip and making you gasp.

pushing her forward by her chest, you watch as the backs of her knees hit the bed, then she's forced into sitting. you push her back, causing her back to hit the mattress. she's grinning stupidly at you, hat still on—but now it's crooked.

you crawl over her, hands placed on either side of her head.

"you don't even know me," you whisper, echoing your words from earlier.

she's breathless. "then let me learn."

with that, you kiss her again. it's slower, deeper. like you wanna memorize the pillowy feeling of her lips. her fingers slide under the waistband of your skirt, nails grazing your skin, and it's all too much. too much and not enough.

her hat finally falls off when you run your fingers through her hair, and you smile against her lips when you feel one of her hands leave your skirt and then hear the soft thud of it falling to the floor. then she flips you over so that you're beneath her now, one hand beside your head, the other trailing down your body.

the tips of her fingers run along your bare stomach, leaving a trail of fire. she's still devouring your lips, gripping the sheets beside your head like she's trying to control herself.

her lips trail down your jaw, your throat, and then she kisses your collarbone roughly. like she's been thinking about it since you kissed her in the basement.

and maybe she has.

voice muffled against your skin, she asks, "how long do we have left again?"

"a week," you breathe, eyes half-lidded, voice shaky.

she stops when she reaches your bra, looking up into your eyes, "better not waste another second, then."

and she sticks to those words, her hand reaching behind your back. you arch into her, letting your head fall back against the pillows as you feel billie undo the clasp of your bra. then she's slipping the straps off your shoulders, throwing it to the floor and latching her lips onto your nipple gently.

you moan quietly, fingers tangling in her hair when she rolls your other nipple between her thumb and index fingers. she's sucking gently, humming quietly against your skin before releasing your nipple with a pop.

her kisses trail lower, slow and deliberate, breath ghosting over your skin and making you twitch under her. you grip her hair tighter, knuckles bleeding white, biting down on your lip to stifle the whimper building in your throat.

the room is thick with heat, but there's still that flicker of jealousy and uncertainty in the air. it crackles between the space where your eyes meet, even as her lips brush against the waistband of your skirt.

"you're still jealous," she mumbles, fingers tugging your skirt down your ankles and then discarding of it on the floor. "i can tell."

you nod reluctantly, eyes fluttering closed as you feel her fingers running up your inner thighs, feather-light and maddening.

she kisses your inner thigh, then your clit over your panties. a soft gasp escapes between your lips, earning a quiet chuckle from the girl between your legs.

"stop teasing," you swallow hard.

her eyes flick back up to you, smirking just like always. "i'm not teasing."

and she's right. she isn't teasing.

she's taking her time—too much time—touching you like she wants to remember what your body feels like before you're gone. kissing you like she wants to burn the taste of your chapstick into her memory.

you raise your hips, tugging at her hair.

"please, don't make think anymore tonight."

billie pauses, breath still, cheek resting against your inner thigh. then, barely audible, she whispers, "okay."

and she gives you what you ask for—not holding back as she takes the waistband of your panties between her teeth and tugs them down your thighs until they're bunched around you ankles, letting them fall onto the floor.

as she's on her feet, she pulls her jersey over her head, unclasping her own bra, then unbuckling her belt. her jeans hit the floor with a soft thud, and you can barely make out the little sliver of a tanline on her hips when her underwear drops.

the room is so dark that you can hardly see anything—just the soft curve of her body in shadows, the swell of her breasts, and the tension in her shoulders as she leans over you again.

her lips part to ask a question, but then she shuts them, remembering your words from earlier. you didn't want to think. you didn't know what you wanted, exactly, but you knew you wanted her.

"i don't wanna forget this," you gasp as you feel her fingers swipe through your folds. you didn't mean to say it out loud.

but you did.

and billie stops for a moment, eyes flicking back up and finding yours, even in the dark. her lips quirk up into a small smile, lowering her head into the crook of your neck and pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses all over.

"then don't," she whispers, so quiet you almost don't hear, "don't forget me. please."

you nod, hands snaking around her body and resting on her back. you whimper when her thumb finds your clit, rubbing slow but tight circles on the little nub as she kisses and nips at your soft neck.

she slots her legs around yours, fingers leaving your cunt and finding their way to her lips as she lowers her pussy onto yours. your eyes can't seem to pull away from the sight of her pretty digits slipping between her lips and sucking your arousal off of them.

her hips shift, eliciting a low moan from the both of you. you're already shaking. maybe from nerves. maybe from how good it feels.

or maybe because it hurts, knowing that this may be the last time you'll see each other.

"fuck," billie whines, hands moving to your hips as her head falls back in pleasure. her pace is slowly increasing, getting needier and faster with each thrust of her hips.

the squelching sound only makes it hotter, knowing that the both of you are equally wet. it distracts you both from everything.

you're not sure when her name starts spilling from your mouth like a prayer or when your nails start digging into her hips to pull her closer against you.

she's everywhere on your body—hands moving around the expanse of your skin, lips brushing against yours so rough yet so lovingly. curses fall from her mouth every now and then, breath ragged and sharp, muttering, "god, you're unreal."

her eyes drift down to where you're connected, and now she's not sure if she can take her eyes from the sight of her dripping cunt grinding against your own. she can't help but whimper when her clit bumps against yours.

your own eyes are fixated on billie's face. the moonlight shining through the broken blinds illuminates her face just right, giving you the perfect view of her faded freckles and pouty, pink lips. you're not sure you'll be able to forget the furrow of her brows after tonight, the way her tongue darts out to wet her lips in concentration. her hair is falling over her shoulder, framing her face beautifully and bouncing subtly each time she moves her hips. your thoughts were starting to get cloudy, the only clear visions happening to be billie and that stupid smug smirk of hers. the one that you were starting to like a little too much.

"you're so beautiful," you manage to whisper between moans.

billie's eyes snap up to yours the second she hears your broken moan. she bites her lip hard, making herself flinch and whine at the slight pain.

her hips grind harder against you, fingers digging into your waist and causing you to arch into her. the angle makes the pleasure 10 times better, the bed creaking quietly beneath you two.

"m'gonna cum," she warns, voice a higher pitch than before.

her breath picks up quickly, coming out in shallow, short huffs as the knot in her stomach snaps. the sticky, warm feeling of her cum seeping onto your cunt is enough to make you cum with a loud, throaty moan.

your hips gradually slow down once your body starts to feel spent, heart still beating rapidly but starting to go back to normal. billie rolls off of you, sliding under the covers and helping you under.

the room goes quiet, save for the mixed sounds of your heavy breaths and sighs and the hum of music still bumping loudly upstairs. you roll onto your side, draping your leg over her waist and pulling the covers up more.

her fingers trail up your side and around to your spine, dancing along the expanse of your back as she stares into your eyes. she's warm—so warm and comforting.

you're not saying much of anything now. maybe it's because you're both spent, or it's because you don't need to say anything.

you lean forward, nuzzling your head against her chest, skin still damp with a thin layer of sweat, but you're already too comfortable to care. her arm wraps around your body, pulling you flush against her body, your curves slotting against hers so satisfyingly.

"hey," she says suddenly, voice hoarse. "d'you think crabs know they're sideways?"

exhaling tiredly, you tilt your head up to look at her. "billie."

she laughs at your half-annoyed half-amused expression, fingers drawing shapes along your skin as she continues with the dumb topic, "no, seriously. what if they think we're the weird ones?"

you shift on top of her, deciding to just shut your eyes and listen to her. "we just fucked and you're talking about crabs."

"you'd be surprised what my brain can do post-orgasm," she whispers, voice all smug like she's proud of herself.

billie goes quiet after that, her free hand coming up and running her fingers through your hair. you relax against her completely when you really start to pay attention to the soft beating of her heart, the sound lulling you into sleep.

her fingers never stop tracing patterns on your skin or combing through your hair, touch so soft and careful. she can hear the crashing of waves against the shore even through the glass.

your breath is even now, lips slightly parted, fingers twitching against billie's waist.

she watches you for a moment. then she swallows nervously, the corners of her lips curling with the need to say something. something stupid. stupid but true.

"you're gonna ruin me," she whispers, chuckling quietly.

tags. @mseilishmwah @sophloveswomen @mxqdii @livvydunneness @vyntagess @wiidfi0wer33 @loving1dsworld @tan1shere @fallingforfalll2 @cierraonline @dandelions4us @scarlittt @ifwdominicfike @slxtarchive @bilsdillldough @47lake @hopingforgoodblogs @karaeilishh @mybluebossanova @strwberrybils @justtr @greenbttrflyy @billsbaby @natbelovasblog @lottiepierce @northlndnisred @asterisk-eyes @dragoneyelashart @xxangelfarrlzxx @ilomiloblohshh @fawninlove @meliciousmel13 @jul3esz @rightarion @svelish @hkkuugu @eeuni @dragoneyelashart @thinkshespretty @cnnibalize

[notlongtolove]

in my dream, i'm fixing your crutch

most nights, spencer wakes to the sound of your sniffles—unlike most nights, he doesn’t have to ask why. the reason is visceral, tangible—staining the sheets when the wound dressing wasn’t tight enough, seeping and pooling right between the both of you where an ocean of your guilt already lies.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader (second person, no y/n)

genre: flangst hurt comfort

content: many mentions of wounds and blood. bc spencer was shot. jesus reid woo! established relationship spencer and bau!reader deal with the aftermath of spencer taking a bullet for her

word count: 2.8k

note: based on this ask! for my jesus reid sassy man apocalypse flangst fight and make up lovers... this ones for you! i actually loved writing this sm @esote-rika u wonderful genius u!!! inspired by this poem that she sent me! might be one of my new favorite fics ive written

a line: In the bad dreams, over and over, you’re saying you’re sorry. In the worst dreams, he’s saying he forgives you. 

“I’m sorry.”

Those were the first words out of your mouth when Spencer had woken up in the hospital. Before that, you'd been running on adrenaline, too focused on talking the unsub down. So certain—so sure—that he wouldn’t pull the trigger. That you’d be fine. That the father would be fine. And you were, mostly. 

Because a hard shove sent you both tumbling to the ground. No broken bones, no bloody wounds—Just a bullet in Spencer’s leg instead of yours.

He held your hand through the tears, fingers gentle as they stroked through your hair while you wept against the edge of his hospital bed. Told you I’d take a bullet for you, honey. Spencer always joked about that. Romantic once—now, not so much. It is not an honour you ever wanted to hold.

Crutches for a month. You’d been right there when the doctor ordered it, nodding, asking questions, voicing concerns. The two of you make do, as you always do. You move into his place, helping him with the little things. Because loving someone means loving them in health and in sickness. During the good times and the bad. Two sides of the same coin—But intimacy wears many faces. 

You don’t think you’ve stopped crying since you saw the blood soaking into the grass. 

You try to smile more when Spencer’s around. He says it helps—just as much as the medication, maybe more. So you do. More cuddles than usual. Coffee, just the way he wants it, because come on, the man took a bullet for you, the least you could do is not criticise his sugar intake.

But when he’s not there, the tears come. In the shower, where the water washes them away before you can. Waiting for the coffee to brew, blinking them back so they don’t salt the mug.

You whisper I’m sorrys into his hair when he falls asleep after the Doctor Who reruns, as many as he wants. Hope he feels it in the way your fingers card through his curls, lathering shampoo carefully. Hope he tastes it in the spoonfuls of breakfast you lift to his lips, even though his hands work just fine. Everything served in bed, of course, because that’s where he is.

Because that is where he has to be. 

I’m sorry. You don’t think you’ll ever stop saying it.

Most nights, Spencer wakes to the sound of your sniffles—Unlike most nights, he doesn’t have to ask why. The reason is visceral, tangible—staining the sheets when the wound dressing wasn’t tight enough, seeping and pooling right between the both of you where an ocean of your guilt already lies. 

Still, every night he does wake, he cups your cheeks with warm hands as he murmurs it’s okays. 

He’ll say it again at 2 am, when he’s inevitably forced to rewind the bandage himself because somehow, you never seem to get it right. Another tally mark on the growing list of ways you’ve failed him. 

And again at 4 am, when you shift too close in your sleep, bump against him, and wake to a sharp, stifled wince. Then the tears resurface, and the cycle repeats. God, you’re just a walking Murphy’s Law, aren’t you?

“Do you blame me?” you’d asked him one night, voice meek in the dark.

“You were in danger. I acted. I could never blame you.”

You replay that conversation more often than not. You love Spencer enough to believe that he means it—that in his mind, it’s the only truth that exists. The only truth that could ever exist. 

But you don’t think you love yourself enough to believe it, too.

You move to the couch after the first week. Couldn’t take another night of accidental touches, of hearing his breath hitch in pain and feeling—remembering— that you’d put him there. Spencer had protested, threatened to order an air mattress just to sleep beside you, but you’d won in the end. He needed space. Comfort. Proper rest to heal.

Mostly, you just didn’t want him to see you crying anymore.

The couch isn’t so bad. Smells just enough like him to let it lull you to sleep. Has pillows that are fluffy enough to clutch in your grip when he insists on showering alone for the first time. The couch is close enough to hear the bottle of shampoo hit the floor and the pause that follows when you both realise he can’t bend down to pick it up himself. It’s also far enough away that you hear only the muffled curses that escape him when he tries to dress himself after—Spencer hardly ever swears.

And again, the couch is far enough away that he can’t see you cry.

Intimacy is familiarity, carved deep.

It is not synonymous with love, nor does it innately mean romance. It is a vulnerability between two people, a connection that forms through time, a trust that builds upon circumstance. Intimacy is a blade that cuts through flesh and bone, never to be used lightly. It sees everything—what you are, what he is, what the two of you have always been. 

It’s the chaste kiss you press to his lips before leaving for the jet, van waiting down in the lobby. The long list of instructions, medications, emergency contacts scribbled onto paper—handed off to Garcia. The unanswered calls that drain your battery, each one landing in his voicemail. 

When you’re away, you dream of Spencer. You’re steadying his crutch, rewrapping his wounds, pressing gentle kisses over healing scars. 

In the bad dreams, over and over, you’re saying you’re sorry.

In the worst dreams, he’s saying he forgives you. 

Intimacy is something etched into the marrow of you, amidst the flesh and bone, through the ache and the aftermath.

“Spence?” you call from the doorway, one hand braced against the wall as you toe off your shoes. “You in here? Garcia said you decided to head home.”

A muffled shuffle from his office draws your attention. When you step inside, you find him perched in his desk chair, one hand gripping his crutch, the other stretched toward a book just out of his reach on the bottom shelf. 

“I didn’t decide to head home,” Spencer mutters, still not looking at you. “Garcia sent me home.”

You have to bite back a smile. “Garcia sent you home?” you echo, amused, crossing the room to retrieve the book from the shelf with ease. He returns your kind act with a heavy sigh even as you set the book on the table beside him.

“She was rearranging her case files. Said I was in the way.”

“Aw honey,” you coo, reaching out to fluff his curls. Normally, he’d lean into your touch, eyes going all soft with adoring affection. But tonight, there’s nothing. Your hand falls away, neglected. 

“Have you eaten?” you try, hoping hunger is to blame for his mood. He barely acknowledges the question, offering only a curt nod. 

“What’d you have?”

“One of those instant meals,” he mutters.

You frown. “I thought you hated that stuff.”

Spencer scoffs, shaking his head. “Yeah, well, it’s not like I’m in any position to cook now, am I?”

The window is shut but the study is ice cold. You knew he was upset when Hotch forbade him from coming along on the case. He had told you just as much, his frustrations only thinly veiled in the few text messages he’d sent. But whatever this is, you don’t understand why it’s suddenly being directed at you tonight. 

“Did something happen while I was away?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” The sarcasm that drips in his tone pools together at your feet. 

Most people work to live. Your boyfriend is not most people. He lives to work. The time he doesn’t spend solving cases is spent preparing for the next one—reading, researching, gathering knowledge for the inevitable moment it might be needed. You of all people know he hates being unoccupied. He’d explained it to you once, how much he detests idleness, the feeling of time slipping through his fingers with nothing to show for it.

And now here he is, sidelined. Left behind—with nobody else to point the finger at but you. 

Not Garcia for shoo-ing him out of her Batcave. Not Hotch for being a stickler for the doctor’s orders. Just you. 

“Is that it? You’re upset because Hotch didn’t let you come on the case?”

Spencer doesn't answer so you’re the one to take a step forward—both physically and metaphorically. 

“Spence, talk to me. What’s gotten into you?”

The laugh that leaves Spencer doesn’t really sound like him at all. It comes out sharp and humourless—Empty, essentially. 

“What’s gotten into me?” He exhales, shakes his head. “You mean other than a bullet?”

The breath you were holding slips from your lips, and for a moment, it feels like the bullet never left. It might as well have buried itself hilt deep, slicing through you and back out. Right now, you almost wished that were the case.

A bullet in your boyfriend is not a cross you ever wanted to bear but it is a cross you’re tied to carrying all the same. 

Maybe it had been easier in the beginning. In the holding of hands in the ambulance, in the moving of mugs to accommodate yours. But in the wake of skin and gauze, of antiseptic burning raw and sheets gripped in clenched fists—What is there to thank god for? 

Just a bullet. 

Just a wound. 

Just a bed too small to carry the hurt of two people. 

“Spencer.”

For a man with a limp, he moves fast. The bedroom door slams shut behind him and you’re left to stand there by yourself, guilt seeping into the floorboards under you. Thank god for the couch. 

You don’t dream of Spencer tonight. You don’t sleep at all. Which is why you hear it—the crutch slipping, the clattering against the wood of the floor. You tiptoe to the bedroom door, nudging it open.

“Hey, everything alright? Need your meds? Water? I can get—”

“S'fine,” Spencer says. His sigh is as heavy as it is exhausted as he bends down to retrieve his crutch. 

“Oh. Okay…” You hesitate, lingering by the door. “Goodnight then.”

“Sweetheart—” Spencer exhales, soft and uneven. “I—I… wanted to talk.” 

You swallow. “Talk?” 

“What I did—how I acted just now—that wasn’t okay. And I’m sorry.”

It sounds weird coming from him. Wrong, almost. A man who took a bullet for you shouldn’t be apologising. A thousand sorrys from you wouldn’t even come close to enough, and you’re certain you’ve already said more than that.

“You don’t need to apologise, Spence, you—”

“I do.”

He tries to stand. You’re at his side before he can, pressing him back down with a gentle hand against his shoulder as you take a seat by the edge of the bed too. 

“I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I was frustrated. At Hotch, at Garcia, at myself. And I took it out on you.”

You nod silently, trying to understand.

“I’m not used to this,” he admits. “Being taken care of. Needing to be taken care of. It’s... hard. What I said before I left the room… I shouldn’t have. And I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

Spencer isn’t one to dance around words. He thrives on specifics. Tonight, he doesn’t need to name it. 

What’s gotten into me? You mean other than a bullet? The words have been reverberating in your skull since he said it. 

“Do you—” Your voice sounds hollow in your throat, shaking as it leaves you. “Can you forgive me?” 

Spencer’s seen you cry before. But the sight of you wiping away your own tears is not one he’s used to. He’s used to holding you through it, with soft hands, with light kisses. So, he takes your hand first, then coaxes your gaze up  to meet his. It’s the first time you’ve seen him smile since you’ve gotten back. 

“Angel,” he breathes, “there’s nothing to forgive. I don’t blame you. For any of it. Do you remember what I said the first time?” 

“I—yeah.”

“You were in danger. I acted. Simple as that.” 

In theory, it is simple. Bullets move at roughly 2,700 feet per second. To reach you first, Spencer must have moved at 2,701. 

It is not a lifetime of love of reflected in a single split second. It is a lifetime of love refracted, redirected—Love forced onto a different path the moment the bullet entered his body. Two sides of the same coin, wild violence amidst the intimacy. You see it day after day in the blood that trickles down his leg, in how his skin splits open in millimetres, in the way his body punishes itself for what his heart decided. 

It is agonising to see how softly he hurts. 

“I just—I’m so sorry, Spence. For this. For everything.”

“Honey,” he murmurs, “do you trust me?”

Your head jerks up. You sit straighter, wiping at your nose with the sleeve of your sweater. “Yeah, of course, Spence, I—”

“Then I need you to believe me when I say this.” He shifts, taking both your hands into his. He winces slightly but doesn’t let it stop him. “This? This isn’t your fault. Not at all. I need you to know that, baby. Okay?” 

You’ve never been one to hold back or stay quiet during arguments with Spencer. Especially when he’s the first to admit he’s wrong—And, being Spencer, that hardly ever happens. More than you’d like to admit, he’s usually right. But this is different.

Because Spencer is wrong. He shouldn’t have said it. But “shouldn’t” doesn’t make it untrue.

Spencer was shot. Fact.

You weren’t. Fact.

And you weren’t shot because Spencer took the bullet for you.

Fact upon fact, stacking too tall, pressing down hard, choking you out. 

“But it is though,” you whisper, though it comes out as more of a cry. “Spence, if it weren’t for me—”

“Honey, there is no version of events where I would’ve ever let that bullet touch you.” He gives your hands a light squeeze. “None.”

There is an intimacy in knowing love, at its core, is a kind of violence. It is a body rashly moved by instinct before the mind catches up. It is the sacrifice of flesh before the heart has even finished deciding, of stepping into the line of fire before you’ve even realised that you’ve moved. 

With his heart, mind and body—That is how violently Spencer Reid loves you. 

Spencer has always been fast. Faster than the bullet meant for you. Fast to love, quicker to comfort—He presses a kiss to your cheek where the last tear falls. “I mean it when I say that there is nothing you could’ve done, or Hotch could’ve done, or the Unsub could’ve done that wouldn’t have resulted in me taking the bullet for you.”

“Well,” you start, voice still sniffly from the remnants of your tears, “the unsub could’ve just... not shot.”

Spencer blinks. For a second, he’s still caught in the weight of his emotions. Then, his lips twitch, a knowing smile breaking through as he rolls his eyes.

“Smartass.”

A small giggle bubbles out of you. You lift your joined hands to press light kisses into the spaces between his fingers, into the cracks of him that you can reach. He lets you. Spencer doesn’t remember the last time you touched him like this—Not careful, not afraid. Not like guilt kissed your fingertips before they ever touched his skin.

“Baby,” he mumbles.

“Hm?”

“I love you.” 

“I love you too, Spence.”

For the first time in weeks, you’re looking at him the way you always have. Not like a martyr you never asked for, carrying the weight of a sacrifice you never wanted him to make.

For the first time in weeks, you’re looking at him like it’s just him, and it’s just you. 

No bullet. No blood. Just him. Just you.

“Will you sleep in here tonight?”

You freeze. He feels it immediately. 

“Spence, I—I don’t know, I don’t want to hurt—” you murmur, blinking down at your interlocked fingers.

“You won’t,” he’s quick to reassure. “I just want you next to me. The sheets don’t smell like you anymore and I never sleep well without you. I wake up, and you’re out there, and it feels wrong. I just want to hold you. Please? It’s been days.” 

You’re helpless when he speaks like that. Besides, the man took a bullet for you—how could you ever say no to him again, for as long as you live?

So you nod, shifting closer, barely hesitating before crawling into bed beside him. After some readjusting, you hear Spencer exhale, feel his arm curling around you, slotting you against his side like muscle memory. For the first time in days, you let yourself be held.

His lips brush your skin as he whispers, “thank you.”

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ hi if you're here! thank you so much for reading! likes, comments or reblogs are very much appreciated!

ᯓ★ song recs if you feel like it: savior complex by phoebe bridgers inside your mind by the 1975

[cherrieflavouredheadcanons]

Hi can we please have fluff w Aventurine where reader and him reunite after 2. 1 and just fucking elope start a new life etc? Please I need it.

God yes. This is what we all need after 2.1. I'm aware he is in a coma-like state technically now but for the sake of fluff and this headcanon he is awake from that coma and is now reuniting with you. CW: Spoilers for 2.1 and Aventurines actual name, starts angsty but then turns fluffy, Gn reader, pre established relationship hurt/comfort

I am still accepting requests (especially for aven) btw so if you wanna see something send it in!

Back in your arms

You had lost track of how long it was since Aventurine left for his mission in Penacony. Has it been 2 months? No, probably more. It had been months since you last had been able to make contact with him. Your messages no longer went through, unable to be sent.

Looking at your textlog and scrolling up, you came across the last message he had sent you. It had come in while you were asleep, and it simply read “I love you”.

Waking up to that message would have been a sweet message for most people, but for you it had made you immensely worried.

 Aventurine was never someone who professed his love openly, so such messages were quite rare. Receiving such a message, especially unprompted, made you send him a barricade of texts, none of which went through and even now months later none were able to be sent.

If you were honest you were starting to lose hope of ever seeing him again, who knows what happened in Penacony after all? He could be…dead for all you knew, you had no way to verify whether that was true or not after all. 

You tried continuing your life on as you would normally, what else could you do? It was hard though, everyday you missed him more and more. Sometimes you imagined his face in a crowd somewhere but whenever you would take a closer look he would vanish.

Sighing you closed your phone and looked around your apartment, it felt so liveless ever since Aventurine was gone. Tears were falling down your eyes as you wondered how much longer you had to live with the uncertainty of where he was and if he was even alive.

Exhaustion was taking over as you began falling asleep. A common occurrence nowadays, since at night you were restless, unable to fall asleep as you worried. Just as you were beginning to fully doze off, you heard the door to your apartment open, immediately waking up.

No one but you and Aventurine had the key, and with him being absent panic coursed through you thinking someone was breaking and entering. You grabbed the nearest heavy thing to defend yourself with.

“For fucks sake…” You muttered as you made your way to where the noises were coming from. Cursing every entity out there for piling even more shit onto you as if your significant other being possibly dead wasn’t enough.

Readying your weapon (probably a heavy book) you stepped foot into the room where the noise was coming from ready to attack and hit the intruder. But once you saw who it was that was in your appartment, you dropped your makeshift weapon, a sob escaping your mouth.

Before you stood Aventurine, alive and breathing. You rubbed your eyes, making sure that this wasn’t your mind playing a cruel trick on you again. Aventurine watched you with a smirk on his, albeit very exhausted looking, face and his eyes held a new found softness you had never seen before.

You fell into his arms immediately, holding him tightly against your body, feeling his warmth. Desperately you grabbed at his clothes as you held on to him, scared this was all just a dream and you would wake up all alone once again. Tears were falling from your eyes, unable to hold them back, the relief washing over you making you let out all of your emotions.

“Wow you missed me that much?” He asked, in his usual teasing tone. Though there was something in his voice that usually wasn’t there. Desperation and a bit of fear. Was he afraid you wouldn’t have missed him? Or was there a deeper reason for it?

Moving away from the hug you grabbed his face in your hands, the tears still falling from your eyes as you took a good look at him. His face had fallen in, and he seemed exhausted. But there was also something in his eyes, his beautiful eyes you were so sure you would never see again, that you couldn’t recognize, having never seen it on him before.

Before you spoke your first words to him, you pulled his face closer and gently kissed him. The feeling of his lips on yours felt like you were floating in heaven. They may have been more chapped than usual, but fuck was it nice to feel him again.  Breaking the kiss you finally were able to muster up your first words to him.

“Fuck…I was so worried about you…I…When my messages stopped being able to sent I was…so sure you…Please…never worry me like that again Aventurine…”

You leaned your forehead against his, your words jumbled together from the adrenaline coursing through you.

He took in a deep breath, and held it for a moment before letting it out. A gesture you saw in many people before they needed to say something important and heavy, but one you never saw in your lover.

“...Kakavasha…” His voice seemed unsure and meek as he spoke. 

You, of course, had no idea what he was saying, so you looked into his eyes confused.

“Wha-”

“Kakavasha…it is…my given name. The one my mother gave me” He inhaled deeply before he continued.

“It is a long story but the short version is…I am no longer affiliated with the IPC, they probably think I died or something. So I no longer go by Aventurine, and…with how close we are and how much you mean to me. I felt like it was appropriate for you to know my true name...”

His eyes refused to look at you, flickering about unsurely as he spoke. Though he tried to sound confident, his voice wavered, scared that you would not accept him for who he truly was and reject his true self.

You looked at him gently and with all the love you had for him, gently pulling him close again and kissing his nose.

“Well then…It is nice to meet you Kakavasha…” You smiled brightly at him, showing him you accepted him as he was.

He felt relief course through his body and could not help himself but pull you into a passionate kiss. He kissed you like you were the oxygen he needed to stay alive. As if he would die without you.

Breaking the kiss he whispered “Marry me.” It wasn’t a question but a request. One that you were too stunned to answer to, looking at him with wide eyes.

“I mean it. Let’s get married, run away from everything and start a new life just you and me.”

His eyes were pleading with you to agree. He knew that he wanted to start over, but he knew he needed you with him.

“...yes!!” You once again fell into his arms and kissed him. The two of you holding each other so closely it was as if you were one.

Kakavasha knew that he would need to tell you everything that happened in Penacony at one point, even the part where he tried to end his life. But he knew that if he explained everything to you, you would still stay by his side and be with him. 

You were his family after all.

[gorgeys]

post-crash jackie taylor who's depressed and starving, but fights for her survival because her only thoughts are of seeing you, her girlfriend she left behind.

jackie who lays awake at night, shivering despite three layers of blankets, with her glossy eyes fixed to the ceiling.  memories of you play behind her eyes, specifically watching you sleep on a lazy sunday morning.

if she thinks really hard, she can see you in her bed, lying face-to-face with her.  she can see your peaceful features and the slow breaths leaving and entering you nose.  she can nearly feel you reach out in your sleep, your arm encircling her waist or your head burying itself in the crook of her neck.  her heart melts just thinking about it.

she didn't realize how well she slept beside you until her many sleepless nights after the crash.  she would give anything to hear you softly snoring beside her again.

jackie who collects little pieces of nature that remind her of you.  a perfectly shaped leaf floats down from a tree and lands on her head.  she finds an unusually smooth rock by the lake.  she smiles at whatever it is, a sign from nature that you're still out there waiting for her, and keeps it in her personal collection.

jackie who purposefully doesn't wear the shirt she stole from your closet the day before she left so that it still smells like you.  every night, without fail, she brings the shirt to her nose and inhales like her life depends on it.  when she notices the scent starting to fade, silent tears stream down her cheeks.  she's losing you.

jackie who does, however, wear your cheer bow in her ponytail.  you had given it to her for nationals as a good luck charm, and now she feels like she has a part of you with her wherever she goes.  when one of the girls teases her for wearing it, she shoots them a glare so deadly they instantly seal their lips.

jackie who speaks aloud to you when no one's around, looking up to the sky for you.

"god, i wish you could've seen the look on misty's face!  it was hilarious.  you would've laughed so hard, you probably would've peed a little," she laughs, sitting with her back against a tree trunk, her fingers twiddling with your bow.

"do you still think about me?" she pauses for your response.  "d-do you think i'm dead?" pause.  "well, i'm not.  at least i don't think so." longer pause. "are you...moving on?  you better not." pause.  "she better not be prettier than me."

"i miss you.  so much."

jackie who can't even talk to anyone about how she's feeling because your relationship was never public.  it was always sneaky glances from across the hall and shared moments behind closed doors.  now, thousands of miles away from you, she regrets not loving you like she should have.  she promises to love you harder than anyone ever has if when you're reunited.

jackie who could spend hours staring at the polaroid she took of you.  it's a random one of you doing homework on her bed, your brows knit in adorable concentration.  it's the only one she has with her.  she keeps it in the back pocket of her jeans wherever she goes.

one time she loses it and runs outside, frantically digging around in the dirt on hands and knees to find where she dropped it.  in reality, she misplaced it on the kitchen counter where shauna finds it and recognizes the polaroid as coming from jackie's camera.  she asks jackie about it, who's still knee-deep in dirt, and jackie suddenly bursts into tears, confessing everything like word vomit.

although she nearly went into shock from losing your picture, it does feel nice to share her feelings for you with someone.  she feels a little less alone.

jackie who loves sleep, although it seems to elude her many nights, because it means seeing your face in her dreams.  it doesn't matter if it's a good dream or a nightmare, as long as she can see you again.  when she wakes up she keeps her eyes glued shut, greedily hoping she can fall back asleep and see you once more.

she ends up being the last up and first to bed.  the other girls think she's not pulling her weight, but how could anyone blame little lovesick jackie taylor ☹️

jackie who hated some of your favorite songs back home, but now finds herself humming them while doing daily chores.  she smiles remembering lying on your bed, watching you dance and sing along to them around your room.  she always told you to "turn that shit off and play some real music," but now she loves those songs because they represent you.

jackie who realizes how utterly devoted to you she is.  it wasn't as clear back home with so many distractions, but now that she's alone with her thoughts almost all the time, the only thing she can think about is you.  nothing else really matters to her or motivates her besides you.  it only took a plane crash for her to realize that.

jackie who looks up to the sky and promises both you and herself that she won't die before she sees you again.

jackie who is rescued (because she doesn't die, idk what you guys are talking about) and keeps that promise.

jackie who can't believe her eyes when she sees you for the first time.  for a second, she thinks she's dreaming.  she's had a recurring dream of this exact moment after all.  but, when you start running toward her, she snaps back to reality and it hits her: it's really you.

she instantly bursts into tears as your arms wrap around her, the warmth of your embrace striking her like a train and grounding her at the same time.  she squeezes you so tight you might break a rib, her head burrowing into your shoulder.  she deeply inhales your scent and lets her tears trickle onto your skin.

jackie who doesn't let you pull away or say anything before she pulls you into a bruising kiss.  she doesn't care if the two of you are alone or in a crowded room, nothing matters to her except showing you just how much she missed you.

she pecks your lips repeatedly, whispering an "i love you" in between each kiss like it's her mantra.  it's heaven on earth.

jackie who sleeps beside you that night for the first time in nearly two years.  she holds you to her chest like a teddy bear as you whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears until you fall asleep.  it's the best sleep she's ever had.

she wakes up the next morning and the first thing she sees is your peaceful face.  she watches the slow breaths leave and enter you nose and finds silent tears slipping down her cheeks.

jackie who knows the sleepless nights, insatiable hunger, and depressive episodes were worth it just to come back to you.

i love you lovesick!jackie please come save meeeeeee also jackie x cheerleader!reader 🤭

[luckykiwiii101]

Hello, I am writing to you as a 22-year-old girl who managed to enter the void on the night of May 17 and changed her whole life.

I started my void  challenge in December 2021. It was very difficult for me both physically and psychologically. Because I had an environment that was abusive and violent. And my conditions were very terrible. I had an exam that I couldn't win for 3 years, an alcoholic father who beat me, and a mother who never let up on it. I have lost a lot of things in my life in 3 years, but I have never given up on emptiness. If there are people who are still struggling with the gap, I hope my success story will be a motivation for you.

One morning when I woke up with failure again, I was feeling extremely unhappy and hopeless. But an incident at home during the day made me say, ‘That's enough, I'm going to fuck everything up tonight and wake up in a void.

When I wasn't feeling very sleepy- or even sleepy at all- I lay down on the bed. Because I'm afraid to fall asleep. In order of;

15 min Holotropic breathwork

20 min Silva method

10 min Alpha State meditation

After lying motionless for about 45 minutes, the brown noise started playing. It is very natural that there is a desire to move, to be overwhelmed,to give up in this part. Please continue for your dreams. When the brown noise was playing, I used a single affirmation. 

‘I'm simply deciding that I'm in a void.’

I can't remember how many times I repeated it. After a while, everything became quiet and I felt so peaceful for the first time in my life. I had a 30-page document and I said that everything in there would be manifested.

A day ago, when I had nothing, I now have a house on the Mediterranean coast, a black bmw ix car, a Harvard math degree, an online job where I earn 25 thousand dollars per month by working only 4 hours a day 4 days a week (Dollars are very valuable in the country where I live, and my salary is multiplied by about 30.), I have a beautiful face, body and skin. I also showed that I can ride horses professionally and draw pictures. I confirmed that the apple products, books, cosmetics and skin products in my wishlist are also in my house. I have also declared the person I will meet about 1 year from now and who will become the man of my dreams.

THIS IS AMAZING!!!! I’m so happy that you’re now living your dream life 💗

This is such a good example of showing people that they can truly do anything. Thank you for taking your time to share this 💗

[ruggiezz]

— MOST TO LEAST LIKELY TO GO TO MCDONALDS WITH YOU AT 3 AM : twisted wonderland

[synopsis] twisted wonderland characters that would accompany you to mcdonalds at 3 am

[characters] all (romantic) + ortho (platonic)

[disclaimer] this post talks about food a lot and mentions of unhealthy food (in vil's and riddle's part)

[extra] i'm having way too much fun writing character's reactions

── Most likely

★﹕LILIA VANROUGE

Bold of you to assume he was sleeping in the first place. Lilia was playing the equivalent of Overwatch in Twisted Wonderland when you suddenly asked him to go to the nearest McDonald's. He agreed instantly, and now you're both on a date, with you eating fries and Lilia eating a strawberry sundae and a cheeseburger..

★﹕ORTHO SHROUD (platonic)

He agreed instantly. Can robots even feel tired in the first place? Ortho will search on the internet for coupons and promos, but first let him equip his eating gear; he wants to eat too. Everything for his best friend. By the way, he wants to buy something for Idia too.

★﹕ROOK HUNT

Rook got out of bed even before you even mentioned you wanted to go out, he woke up when he felt you were awake. Rook is a light sleeper; he can even feel when you wake up to go to the bathroom. If you really want a meal at McDonald's, who is he to say no? It makes him happy to see you happy, but he will stare while drinking his strawberry shake. Not a "I'm judging you" stare, but a "I like to see you enjoy your meal" stare.

★﹕MALLEUS DRACONIA

He has probably eaten McDonald's at least once because Lilia bought the whole of Diasomnia burgers. Alright, you're both going. Yes, he's still a little confused over why you would crave a really cheap burger at 3 am, but Malleus doesn't even care; the burgers are good and he enjoys indulging in human customs, plus he gets to see you smile. The only bad thing is that the employees got the fright of their lives when they saw the literal prince of Briar Valley enter the restaurant.

★﹕SILVER

Still sleepy, he agreed. There are times when he randomly awakes during the night, so he might as well spend it with you, even if it was at a fast food restaurant at 3 am. He'll order an iced coffee and some fries and listen to you while you speak about whatever comes to mind. You'll both have to make it quick though, he may fall asleep there, and you both need to get back before classes start.

★﹕DEUCE SPADE

He didn't even understand what you were saying; his mind was still foggy from being woken up so late. He said yes, not knowing what he was agreeing with, but a few minutes later he realized what he agreed to. Deuce, not wanting to have gotten your hopes up only for him to say no, got up and accompanied you anyway. He still enjoyed himself though, as long as he is with you, he's happy.

★﹕RUGGIE BUCCHI

He's tired because of how many errands Leona made him do yesterday, but you know what? He will still go. Food is food, and he could never refuse it. Leona lets him grab his credit card anyway, so order whatever you want, Leona will pay, even if he doesn't know that. It's not like he checks his credit card's expenses, so don't worry about it.

★﹕JACK HOWL

When he confessed to you a few months ago, he didn't expect that would mean signing up for you waking him up in the middle of the night, asking him to accompany you to eat fast food outside of campus. Still, he's your boyfriend, and he can't let you go alone, it's dangerous. Even if he doesn't feel like ordering anything, he will sit there with you until you finish your meal, chatting with you in the meantime.

★﹕ACE TRAPPOLA

You're lucky he loves you too much; he would have said no if you were another person. So now Ace is sitting at McDonald's, almost falling asleep while eating some nuggets. That one song they keep replaying will haunt him in his dreams; it got stuck in his head for like, a week. Riddle reprimanded him the next day for falling asleep during history class.

★﹕CATER DIAMOND

Out of everything he could have expected a person to say at 3 am, it certainly wasn't "I want to go to McDonald's". Cater takes a selfie with you inside and uploads it to his Magicam story, the close friends one, so Riddle doesn't realize he wasn't at the dorm. He still has no idea how you came up with this, but ok, it was for the funsies.

★﹕JADE LEECH

You're certainly unpredictable, aren't you? Jade stared at you for a good minute until he just got up, got changed, and went with you. Floyd has done weirder stuff during one of his mood swings; what harm can going to McDonald's do? He doesn't feel like cooking that late anyway. Just don't tell Azul you're both going to the competition, okay?

★﹕EPEL FELMIER

He had you repeat what you said twice to make sure he was hearing you correctly. You want to do what? Let him go back to sleep, please. Okay, whatever, he will accompany you, but make it quick. At least that's what he said before spending the next two hours chatting with you while eating. He sadly got caught by Vil when he came back. Rook snitched.

★﹕SEBEK ZIGVOLT

No, he has to make sure nobody attacks Malleus while he's sleeping. But with some reassurance from Lilia (and him asking Sebek to bring him a burger) and his love for you, he decided to accompany you. He'll ask for the biggest burger since he has a big appetite. He did enjoy it at the end; 10/10 would do it again (but he won't say that out loud).

★﹕KALIM AL-ASIM

He doesn't mind that you woke him up, and he would like to go, but there's a small problem: he isn't allowed to go anywhere without Jamil, which means he would need to wake him up. Jamil wouldn't be happy about that, and Kalim doesn't want to bother him either. So you both just order takeout and give the delivery guy a very generous tip.

★﹕IDIA SHROUD

Idia was awake, but he really doesn't want to go, and he's also farming for an event. Great, now he's craving McDonald's too. If you really want to go, you can have Ortho accompany you, but please bring him a chicken sandwich and some fries. You can use his debit card to pay.

★﹕TREY CLOVER

... What? What did you even dream about to crave McDonalds so late at night? Trey says you both can go on the weekend if you really want to, but go back to sleep, please. There's an important exam tomorrow, and you'll both be in trouble if you suddenly fall asleep in the middle of it.

★﹕FLOYD LEECH

He was not in a good mood after being woken up in the middle of the night. Floyd won't let you go, squeezing you so hard that you can't even move away from the bed. You're not going anywhere the whole night, and if you still want the meal, you can order some in the Mostro Lounge tomorrow.

★﹕LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

It's 3 am, what the heck. Leona says Ruggie can buy you some tomorrow; ask for as much as food as you want, but not at 3 am. He will fall asleep on top of you, so you can't even move, just in case you try to sneak out while he sleeps.

★﹕JAMIL VIPER

No, please, he's tired. He did so much work yesterday: laundry, cooking, folding clothes, tutoring Kalim, paperwork for an upcoming event, and preparing for an exam. He just wants to rest for at least a few hours. Go back to sleep, please. He promises he'll cook you a burger with some fries tomorrow. His cooking is way superior to fast food anyway.

★﹕RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

"No, that's unhealthy", he says. Somebody buy him a happy meal or something, Riddle has probably never eaten fast food in his life. Either way, there's class tomorrow, and he would never forgive himself if he arrived late to a lesson. So no, you aren't going anywhere.

★﹕AZUL ASHENGROTTO

Why would you want to eat at McDonalds when he has a literal restaurant? Are you trying to buy from the competition? Now Azul is offended at 3 am, so offended that he dragged you to the kitchen to make you a meal resembling the McDonald's one just to prove Mostro Lounge's food is better.

★﹕VIL SCHOENHEIT

Excuse you? Not only did you interrupt his beauty sleep, but you want to go eat McDonald's'? It's 3 am, please go back to sleep or you'll get dark circles. Lack of sleep is bad for your skin, and he won't take the risk, much less to eat unhealthy food.

── Least likely

[pedroscurls]

baby, stay in bed (one-shot)

summary: head over heels in love with hugh, you spend the night for the first time... and realize that hugh feels the same way. pairing: hugh jackman x fem!reader word count: 3.6k warnings: smut (morning sex, unprotected p in v sex, missionary), no use of y/n. a/n: shout out to this anon for this request!!! i'm sorry it took me so long to write this, but i truly hoped you enjoy it. i had so much fun writing it! as always, this is purely fictional! i mean no disrespect to hugh jackman.

You’ve been together with Hugh for six months now, having had to get used to this new lifestyle of yours. Everywhere you went with him, you’d hear his name being called followed by the sounds of a shutter coming from multiple cameras. He’s always so polite, so kind and sweet even though he didn’t need to be. 

It was one of the many things you loved about him.

Love. You still couldn’t believe that you were truly in love with the man. Every moment spent with him, he always made sure that you were his main focus. You had been spending more and more time with him at his place, still so surprised at how beautiful his penthouse was. The 360 view of the city, the white walls, the high ceilings. Even though the place felt very large for one person, there were little trinkets decorated around the house that made it more homey, more personal, more Hugh. 

The more time you spent at his place, the more he tried to convince you to just spend the night. You never truly did though because you knew that if you got a glimpse of what it would be like to fall asleep and wake up next to him that you’d want more. You’d crave more and you aren’t even sure if you and Hugh are on the same stages of this relationship. 

You were so deeply in love with him that it scared you at times. The way your heart would beat faster whenever he entered the room, or the way your stomach would feel like butterflies swarming inside when he gazed into your eyes, or the way he would whisper sweet things into your ear when he was making love to you. 

That’s what it felt like with Hugh. Complete bliss, a true fairytale. 

You hadn’t ever been in such a healthy relationship where the man yearned for open communication. Even when you both had disagreements, Hugh always created a safe space and environment for you to tell him what was on your mind and vice versa. 

And the sex… Well, the sex was another aspect of your relationship that you hadn’t felt before. Maybe it had to do with his age, but you never felt taken care of and put first before. Hugh loved to take his time with you, loved to pull more and more orgasms out of you before he even slid his length into your warmth. And when he did… it was always such a painful stretch in the beginning, the girth and length of his manhood still so large when he pushed into your tight entrance. 

The last six months with Hugh had been an ultimate dream. Even when he was away filming, he always made sure to check in, to call and text. Not a day went by without you speaking to each other while he was away and the distance only showed you how much you love the man. 

But you couldn’t tell him, too afraid that it would scare him away, that you’re just miles ahead of him in this relationship. Maybe he isn’t even yet ready to open himself up like that after his divorce, so you decided to just keep it to yourself. 

Hugh’s back home from filming, getting a week long break before he has to leave again. The moment he came back home, you were the first person he called, telling you to come over because he missed you so much. You didn’t even hesitate before driving to his penthouse, excitement bubbling in your chest because while you spoke to him every day, seeing him in person and getting to be in his arms is just completely different. 

You make it to his penthouse in record time, practically jogging inside the building and taking the elevator up to the top floor. Within seconds, the elevator doors open and you see Hugh walking down the hallway in your direction. You grin at the sight of him, running towards him and jumping into his arms once you were close enough. 

He chuckles at the sight of you, his arms snaking around your frame as he lifts you off your feet and your legs wrap around his waist. Hugh lets out a sigh of relief, face burying against the side of your neck. This… this is where he belongs. With you. He didn’t realize that six months ago, bumping into you at a restaurant would have changed his entire world. You had been shy at first, very hesitant and reserved to even give this a chance, but Hugh persisted. There was just something about you that lured him in and he was sure that it wasn’t even your intention. 

And the first time he kissed you, Hugh felt so giddy, so happy, and like a complete teenager all over again. The more time he spent with you, the more he realized that he wanted you in his life more regularly, more permanently. He knows he falls fast and with you, it’s no different. You’re so understanding, so patient, and even with his busy schedule, you never try to ask for more than what he can’t give you at the moment… but he knows that if you did, he’d give in right away. 

You haven’t yet slept over and Hugh understands your hesitation, understands why you don’t want to because he also feels the same way. He’s already so in love with you that if he gets even a bit of taste of having you in his arms every morning or night, he’s going to want to have you here every night… and he isn’t even sure if you feel the same way he does. You both haven’t talked about it yet, neither have you admitted that you did love each other, but it’s probably so clear and obvious to everyone else. 

“I missed you,” Hugh says, setting you back down on your feet to take your hand and lead you into his home.

“Me too,” you sigh contentedly, gripping his hand tightly. Once inside his home, Hugh shuts the door and then quickly takes you upstairs. You smile up at him and then fall back into his bed once you make it inside, immediately getting yourself very comfortable in his sheets. “Ah, I missed this bed.” 

Hugh grins down at you, eyes gazing lovingly at you. “Did you miss me or my bed?” 

“Mmm, both?” you giggle, moving to lie on your side as you pat the empty space next to you. “Come here. I missed my man.”

Hugh chuckles and slides in next to you, arm wrapping around your shoulders as you rest your head against him with an arm draped over his midsection. “Spend the night?” he asks, looking down at you expectantly. “If you’re comfortable with it. I just– I want to spend this entire week with you before I leave again, baby.”

You look up at him, a nervous twinkle in your eye. You want to say yes, but there’s a part of you where fear has taken hold. “Hugh…” 

Hugh sighs, shaking his head. “Right, sorry. I don’t mean to pressure you, baby. I’m sorry.” 

“No, no, it’s just–” you let out a heavy sigh and then move your hand to rest on his chest. “I’m just scared.”

“Scared? Of what?” 

“That I’m gonna want to sleep over all the time,” you admit, biting your lower lip. “And I know that’s not realistic because you’re going to be away filming… but–”

Hugh interrupts you with a soft and gentle kiss on the tip of your nose. “You know, I think I’m going to want you to sleep over all the time too. I mean, I want you to already.” he chuckles. “But we’ll make it work. We always do, baby.” 

“Okay,” you nod. “I’ll sleep over. I didn’t bring anything, though.” 

“That’s okay,” Hugh smiles, excitement written all over his features as he moves to hover above you, settling himself between your legs. “You won’t need clothes to walk around here,” he winks. 

“Naughty, naughty, Mr. Jackman.”

“You love it,” he teases, leaning down to pepper kisses along your neck. 

“I love you,” you say suddenly. Your eyes go wide and you feel your heart stammering in your chest. You quickly move to push him away from you, embarrassment settling in the pit of your stomach. You were just telling him how you were scared to sleep over and now, you just admitted that you loved him. 

“I uh–” you shake your head and sit up from the bed, moving to stand up and get ready to leave, but Hugh’s staring up at you with a hopeful look in his beautiful eyes. The city lights illuminate the night sky, and you quickly avert your eyes to his large windows. You need to leave. You need to look anywhere but at him. “I’m sorry. It just slipped out. Let’s just forget I ever said that.”

“Baby,” Hugh says quietly, gently reaching out for your hand. He’s careful not to make any sudden movements, knowing that you’re already on edge. Though, he’d be lying if he said that hearing you say those words didn’t make him happy. In fact, it just solidified the feelings he has for you. 

Because he loves you too.

“Baby, look at me,” he says again. 

You shake your head and sit on the edge of the bed with your back to him. Hugh lets out a quiet sigh and sits up, legs spreading apart so that he can sit directly behind you, arms moving around your waist and pulling you into his chest. 

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, shaking your head. “I didn’t– That wasn’t my plan to tell you. Certainly not this soon.”

“Stop,” Hugh says, chin resting on your shoulder as he turns his head to look at the side of your face. “Can you at least look at me?” 

“I don’t want to. I’m so embarrassed.” You stand up from the bed, but Hugh’s hands reach out to your hips and immediately turn you around so that you can face him. He looks up at you, resting his feet on the floor as he inches his way towards the edge of his mattress. 

“You shouldn’t be,” he says softly, eyes still gazing up at you even though your eyes are anywhere but on his. He stands up and then hooks a finger under your chin, lifting it just slightly so that he can look into your eyes. When you finally give in, he can see the tears threatening to spill out as the pad of his thumb brushes against your jawline.

You both stand there for a few moments, just staring into each other’s eyes. The corner of Hugh’s lips turn upwards and he nudges his nose with yours. “I love you too, baby. So much, you have no goddamn idea.” 

Your eyes widen at his admission as your heart continues to race faster and faster. “You… You love me?” 

“With all my heart, love,” Hugh responds. 

All of your concerns and worries completely disappear as you stare up at Hugh. You truly had nothing to worry about because the look in Hugh’s eyes told you just how much he did love you. Slowly, you wrap your arms around his shoulders and let out a sigh of relief. 

Hugh’s arms snake around your waist and pulls you flush against him, burying his face against the side of your neck. He brushes his nose against you, eyes falling shut as he feels the love and joy bloom in his chest. 

“Hearing you say that you love me just made me so happy, baby,” Hugh whispers. “God, I love you so much.”

—

The first few days of Hugh’s weeklong break was spent in his bed. You both only ever got up to shower and eat, but for the rest of the day, you’d both find yourself back in his bed. Hugh couldn’t get enough of you, every night and every morning he’d say I love you, baby. More than you’ll ever know. and it only made the love you felt for him even deeper. 

Every chance he’d get, he’d tell you he loves you. 

And every time he did, you felt the butterflies swarm inside of you. 

And this morning, with the sun slowly beginning to rise, Hugh wakes up before you. You’re both lying on your sides, with him spooning you from behind. He keeps his arm draped over your midsection, slowly pulling you closer to him as he brushes his nose against the back of your shoulder. 

You snuggle back into him, moving to lie on your back as you let out a sleepy sigh. Hugh smiles to himself, eyes scanning your face as he listens to your breathing. You look so peaceful, so calm and serene in your sleep. He gazes at you, his mind thinking back to the moment you told him you loved him. It was like a weight was lifted off his shoulders when he heard those words leave your lips. He hadn’t said it first, fearful that if he were to say it first, he’d scare you away. 

But now… Now, Hugh told you he loved every chance he could get. It warms his heart to see the way your face lights up, your eyes filled with excitement and love, the blush in your cheeks… He hadn’t expected that this would turn out the way it did. After this week, Hugh knows that it’s going to be harder to leave you here while he goes away to film so he’s already been thinking about ways to have you visit him. 

Your eyes slowly flutter open, bringing your arms above your head to stretch as you let out a quiet groan. You turn your head and see Hugh gazing down at you with a small smile on his lips. 

“Mmm, hi you,” you say, voice still sleepy. 

“Morning, baby,” Hugh says, watching you move to lie on your side to face him. He reaches down and takes your hand, bringing it to his lips and placing a gentle kiss on the back of it. 

“Have you been awake long?” you ask, snuggling closer to him as you bring your free hand up to run through his hair. 

“About fifteen minutes,” he answers. “Can we just stay in bed all day?” Hugh asks, eyes looking deeply into yours. 

“You don’t wanna go out and do something? Go for a walk or–” 

Hugh interrupts you and lightly presses his lips to yours. “We can go for a walk tomorrow.” 

“You said that yesterday,” you giggle, releasing his hand to wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him on top of you. Hugh settles himself between your legs, hands resting at either side of your head as his eyes never leave yours. 

“I just like seeing you in my bed and you can’t blame me for wanting to keep you here.” Hugh smiles, watching your eyes move along his upper half. He flexes unintentionally, leaning down to bury his face against the side of your neck. 

You run your hands along his bare chest, biting your lower lip as your eyes flutter when you feel Hugh start to pepper kisses along your skin. Slowly, you move your legs to wrap around his waist, lifting your hips slightly to press against him. In his black boxer briefs, you can feel the outline of his length as you roll your hips. 

Hugh pulls back to look down at you, notices the look in your eyes as he leans back on his knees. His hands move to your exposed thighs, moving them up, up, up until they reach the waistband of your panties and he pulls them down your legs. 

“Hugh…” you whimper, looking up at him as you feel his hands move further up your body until he pulls the shirt over your head. 

“I don’t know how I’m gonna leave after this week is over,” Hugh says quietly, eyes moving along your naked body. He feels his length throb painfully against his boxer briefs and he reaches down to squeeze himself. He leans down and slowly presses his lips against yours, moving one hand to rest on the mattress near your head. His other hand moves from the center of his boxers to move between your legs, running his middle finger along the length of your sex. “Always wet for me, aren’t ya, baby?” he mumbles, pulling away from your lips.

“Hugh, please…” you beg, hips lifting off the bed. “I need you and I–”

Hugh interrupts you and slides his finger into your tight heat, growling lowly. He slowly begins to pump his finger in and out of your depths, watching as your eyes fall shut and your mouth remains slightly open as moans filter into his bedroom. He always enjoyed seeing you like this, completely at his mercy and he takes pride in being able to make you feel this way. 

He wants to take his time with you, wants you to have at least one orgasm before he slides into you, but he can’t. Hugh can’t help himself because even with the sounds of your moans, all he can hear is:

I love you.

I love you. 

I love you. 

He pulls his hand away from you and pushes his boxers down to relieve the pressure on his hardening manhood. He grasps himself and runs the tip along you, groaning to himself when he presses his tip against your entrance. Hugh feels your legs tighten further around his hips and when you lift your own again, he feels himself slide inside of your depths. 

“God, I need you, please!” you beg, biting your lower lip as you keep your eyes shut once you feel him slowly slide further into your heat. 

Hugh smiles, lowering his body against yours as his nose bumps with yours. He rolls his hips, feeling himself inch his way deeper into you. He rests his forearms at either side of your head, his hands moving to your hair as he strokes it away from your face. He fills you to the hilt, remaining still for a moment as he gazes down at you, watching you bite your lower lip as a quiet moan escapes you. 

Your arms wrap around his shoulders and feel him begin to move in and out of you. It’s so sensual, this position. His chest pressed firmly against yours, his body caging you into the mattress, nose brushing against yours, lips ghosting over each other. His thrusts are slow, making sure to fill you to the hilt with each push back inside of you. 

“I love you,” Hugh whispers, almost breathlessly. 

Your eyes open slowly, looking up at him as your gaze locks onto his. The movement of his hips doesn’t falter as you both stare directly into each other’s eyes. 

“I– I love you too,” you reply, feeling Hugh deliver a sharp thrust at your words. 

He groans to himself and pushes slightly onto his palm, his other hand reaching up to cup your cheek. He pulls out to his tip and delivers a hard thrust back into you, causing a loud moan to escape your lips. You’re so wet and tight, your walls squeezing him with each movement. 

“Love you, love you, love you,” Hugh repeats, his hips snapping against yours as he chases his release. He can feel your walls begin to tighten even further around him and you’re struggling to keep your eyes open. He leans down and presses a gentle kiss on your forehead before he buries his face against the side of your neck. 

His skin slaps against yours repeatedly, the sound so obscene as it mixes in with the sounds of your moans. His arms move to wrap around your waist, holding you firmly against him as he continues his thrusts. Hugh feels your legs tighten even further around his hips, squeezing him so tight that he doesn’t have much room to pull back. He rolls his hips against yours, pushing you further into the mattress. 

“Baby,” Hugh mutters against your skin, teeth grazing you gently. 

“Hugh…” you moan loudly, your body trembling as you feel yourself reach your high. Your arms move to wrap around his broad shoulders, holding him flush against you as you feel the hair at his base provide the right amount of friction against your bundle of nerves. It’s enough to bring you closer to the edge. 

Hugh growls at the way your walls wrap around his length in a tight vice, hands moving to grip your hips so that he can pull back enough only to thrust himself inside of you. He’s close, his lower abdomen tightening. He pulls out abruptly and grasps the base of his length to tug once, twice, three times before white spurts of his release paint your lower abdomen. 

His eyes flutter shut, mouth slightly agape as his chest heaves rapidly. He sits back on his knees, squeezing every last drop of his come before releasing himself. Hugh opens his eyes and looks down at you, biting his lower lip at the scene before him. He feels almost territorial at the sight of you, with his release on your soft and smooth skin. 

Then, he watches you run your finger along his come and then bring it to your lips to suck. He lets out a low groan, seeing your eyes meet his. 

“Mmmm,” you smile. “Next time, you should come inside my mouth. I’ll happily swallow.”

Hugh groans, feeling his manhood twitch in excitement. He leans down and kisses the tip of your nose before he pulls away. “God, I love you, baby.” 

And he did. He loved you so much.

[imaginespazzi]

Part 5: The Answers We Wait For

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15

I'd go back in time and change it (but I can't)

(In which a writer's busy schedule somehow still had time for her favorite obsession)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining

Words: 7.0K (it's very on-brand that my busiest week would produce the longest chapter)

TW: Swearing (I think that's it?)

A/N: Happy Monday lovelies :) How I managed to pull this off is between me and God at this point but here we are. I know it's been an interesting day to say the least, so I'm hoping me living up to my promises can be a silver lining. Quick note that I already fucked up the timeline at some point and Paige Olivia have actually been divorced for almost 3 years. I'll change that eventually. I actually didn't even try to really edit this chapter and in the choice between editing tomorrow and giving it to y'all today, I chose the latter. So please help a girl out and point out my typos/mistakes if you spot them and I will also eventually go back and edit. As always, let me know what you liked, what you disliked and anything you'd like to see going forwards. Have a lovely week my loves <3

December 2027

Marriage and weddings had never been at the forefront of Paige’s mind. To be completely honest, for most of her life, there wasn’t much occupying her brain other than the court under her feet and the basketball in her hands. But the couple of times she had let herself picture it, she’d always thought that she’d have a Fall wedding, probably in Minnesota, maybe even on a basketball court. An indoor winter wedding in Texas had never once crossed her mind. She’d imagined vibrant fun bouquets made of pink lilies and purple hydrangeas, not the elegant red and white roses arrangements that were currently being placed along a far too heavily decorated aisle. Instead of vintage wines and carefully constructed fancy cocktails, she’d thought it would be nice to have spiked shirley temples and maybe even blue and white jello shots. She had expected to have a quiet ceremony followed by a vivacious gathering of everyone she loved. It had never even occurred to her that her wedding would become a public spectacle with People's magazine in attendance.  She’d pictured a party, not an event. 

Most of all she’d dreamt of getting married to a girl with dark eyes that could see all of Paige’s flaws and a soft smile that promised she’d love Paige despite them all. 

But the thing about dreams is that they’re fleeting trains that travel through the tracks of your mind when you’re asleep, and when you wake up, reality is nothing but a devastating train crash. 

Paige sighs, forcing herself out of her own head, as she stares at her reflection in the mirror. She looks pretty. Brittany had found her a nice white wedding suit -fitted to perfection- matching it with dainty silver jewelry. Paige normally liked her outfits a little looser but Olivia loved it and Paige likes that Olivia loves it. Her hair is styled in a bun, with two straightened strands to highlight her face. She thinks she might have preferred to have them curled in the front but Olivia had sweetly insisted on them being straight because hers would be curly and they had to complement, not match. Paige doesn’t really understand the difference or the importance but she thinks if Olivia wants it like that then she's fine with it. She thinks the bold red lipstick heavily coating her mouth makes her look a little bit like a vampire out of a badly directed 90’s horror movie but Olivia had said it was necessary so that the lights and cameras didn’t wash her face out. 

Paige looks pretty. She just doesn’t really look like Paige. 

“What do you think Drewski?” she asks, twirling to face her stone-faced brother who’s sitting on the couch, with a bout of enthusiasm that rings hollow to her own ears, “do I look gorgeous or what?”

“You look weird,” Drews says stiffly and Paige sighs. 

“Dr-” Paige is cut off by her younger brother sauntering over. A confused expression spreads over her features as Drew takes her hand and places it on his forehead, “uh- what are you doing?”

“Paigey, doesn't my forehead feel hot? I feel so sick,” the little boy whines, letting out a series of overzealous dramatized coughs. 

“Your forehead feels fine,” Paige says, slowly removing her hand.

“Well of course you’d think that. You’re not a doctor who knows how to feel foreheads correctly. I think we need to go to the hospital to see a real doctor. Like right now,” Drew pulls at Paige’s hand as she begins to catch onto what he’s trying to make happen. 

“You’re fine Drew.”

“I’m NOT. I’m very, very, very sick. So we have to leave right now. I could be contagious. I could be a danger to all these people,” Drew’s animated hands start to fly everywhere, “you can’t get married when your little brother’s sick. It’s- it’s just wrong. Bad juju or something like that. Everybody will understand that you just had to call off the wedding. For family reasons.”

“Drew-” Paige tries again, a hard pit settling in her stomach. 

“Are you worried cause you didn’t bring your car? That’s okay I’m sure Ice or KK will drive us but you can’t get married today Paigey. You just can’t,” his bottom lip trembles as the façade of illness slips and Paige feels her own eyes start to get glossy, “it’s not right Paigey. This is all wrong. She’s all wrong.”

“It’s not like that Drew. You just haven’t gotten to know-”

“I don’t want to know her,” Drew yells, “you don’t even know her. How can you get married to someone you’ve barely dated for a year. How can you do this to Az-”

“That’s enough,” Paige’s voice is eerily calm, as she digs her fingernails into her palm, “watch how you talk to me-”

“You’re being stup-”

“Drew Thomas I am not going to repeat myself again. Behave yourself. You’re not nearly old enough to be questioning what I do with my life,” it takes every inch of self-control Paige has to not let her voice shake. 

Her younger brother’s words feel like acid rain pelting against her already wounded skin. They slip into the gashes, mixing into her bloodstreams to create an army with the battalion of her own thoughts that have been hacking away at her heart for god knows how long. Paige wonders how long it’ll be before she finally bleeds out. 

“Please don’t get married Paigey,” Drew pleads, gripping his sister’s hand, “please.”

There’s nothing but silence as Paige opens and closes her mouth. And she doesn’t know if she’s trying to get words out or breathe air in; all she knows is that Drew might be squeezing her hands, but it feels like someone is strangling her lungs. 

She’s saved from having to say anything by a hesitant knock on the door. As Drew begrudgingly goes to open it, Paige scrambles to put herself back together. She closes her eyes, taking in three deep breaths before-

Drew gasps and Paige’s eyes fly open. With her back turned to the door, she can’t see who it is and something like hope starts to bloom in her chest, vines of maybe it’s her weaving through her ribcage. And as she turns around, they turn to dust; dust that floats up to her eyes and makes them tear up again as she stares dumbfoundedly at the two people standing somewhat awkwardly in her doorway. 

Paige had grown up an independent child. It wasn’t that her parents were neglectful or that they hadn’t loved her enough because they had. But at first it was the constant fighting and then it was the nurturing of a brand new family with new children and Paige had slipped through the cracks of oh she’s so mature we don’t need to worry about her. She had always had her parents as cheerleaders in the stands; no one was prouder of Paige than they were. But no one had bothered to force her to drink terrible tasting immunity boosters. No had patiently dyed her hair purple and pinky promised to like it even if it turned out terrible. No one had yelled at her for being in the gym till one a.m or woken her up at an ungodly hour to run drills. Not until she’d met a girl at 15 and that girl’s parents had decided that Paige was just as much theirs as their own daughter. 

And suddenly there were more people added to her cheering squad for her wins. But that’s not when Paige fell in love with Tim and Katie Fudd. It was when she lost and there was a nagging finger followed by a full breakdown of what she could do better next time and finally, a bear hug promising they’d help her do it. They’d been there every step and she’d sent the invitation, scared they wouldn’t show up, that they wouldn’t be there for this step, a step that inadvertently took her further away from them. But here they are anyway. 

“Hi sweetheart,” Katie says softly, her own eyes moist as she takes in the sight of the bride, “you look- you look absolutely stunning Paige.”

“You came,” Paige whispers, “I didn’t- I didn’t know if you would.”

“Of course we came,” Tim exclaims but his normal boisterous voice doesn’t feel nearly as enthusiastic, “always told you we’d be front and center at your wedding.”

Because I was supposed to marry your daughter; I was supposed to become your daughter, officially. 

“I’m really glad you guys came,” Paige says, letting Katie wrap her into a warm hug. She only gets a second to let herself enjoy it before Drew’s asking a question that makes her stiffen. 

“Where’s Azzi?” 

It’s like there’s lightning wrapped in that one syllable and it strikes right through Paige’s heart, setting every inch of it ablaze with the flames of a name that used to feel like cotton candy on her tongue; now it feels like lava. 

“She couldn’t make it,” Tim says slowly and Paige knows she shouldn’t be surprised, let along disappointed that her ex wasn’t coming but there’s a string that snaps anyways. 

“Why not?” Drew asks petulantly. 

“The baby’s due next month,” Tim tells him gently, “she can’t fly.”

The air feels suffocating at the mention of the baby. She’d been scrolling mindlessly through her tiktok feed when the announcement had popped up. She still has it memorized. 

Golden State Valkyries superstar shooting guard Azzi Fudd announces pregnancy on Instagram; she’ll miss the upcoming WNBA season. 

For a moment the world had stopped as Paige had hurriedly switched apps to instagram. And there it was. A smiling picture of Azzi holding a sonogram. Paige doesn’t know how long she’d stared at the picture but she remembers that it was set against a white background and she remembers that Azzi was wearing a green top. And as she’d typed out a congrats! that blended in seamlessly with all the other felicitating comments on the post, Paige had wondered if Azzi had felt it too. She’d wondered if, when Azzi had left a similar congratulations <3 post on Paige’s engagement announcement, she’d felt something unravel too. She’d wondered if Azzi had felt this hollowness of and i guess this is us signing off on never getting forever with each other. 

“So Azzi’s not going to stop this wedding?” Drew’s voice is dangerously even as he rounds on Paige, “and you’re really going through with this?”

“Drew please” Paige says tiredly as Katie runs a soothing hand down her back. 

“You’re stupid. And she’s stupid. You’re all so freaking stupid,” Drew bursts out, stomping past the adults in the doorway, his anger palpable in every single word. 

“I got it,” Tim says, wrapping a wrist around Paige’s hand as she moves to follow her younger brother. He squeezes gently, a half-hearted smile on his face, “it’s gonna be okay kid. It always is.”

Paige wishes she could just believe him, turn off the voices in her head and just be a kid who could take an adult’s word as gospel. But Paige is the adult now and believing no longer comes so naturally. 

“Hey,” Katie says after Tim runs after Drew, pulling Paige to sit with her on the couch, “I have a little wedding gift for you.

“Katie you don’t have-” Paige begins, watching as the older woman pulls out a velvet box from her bag, placing her phone on the table next to her. 

“Oh hush. I told you I’d give this to you,” Katie chides as she hands the velvet box. Paige’s eyes glisten as she opens it to find a familiar purple amethyst necklace. She’s flooded with the vivid image of her and Azzi on a random day in lockdown helping Katie organize her minimal jewelry. Paige had fallen in love with this necklace and Azzi had her eyes set on a pink topaz. It was fitting to say the least and Katie had promised them, with a glint in her eyes, that she’d give it to them as their something old on their wedding day. They’d been in between something and everything but Paige and Azzi had shared a shy smile over it anyways. 

“I can’t accept this,” Paige shakes her head trying to hand the box back but Katie dodges it expertly. 

“Yes you can. It’s basically a family heirloom and you, Paige Bueckers, are family,” Katie says firmly. 

“Katie-”

The older woman presses a kiss to Paige’s forehead as she starts to head out, “you’re always gonna be family Paige. Always.”

Katie’s words act like a band-aid but they’re not enough- maybe nothing will be enough- to fully heal the wound of today i was supposed to officially become a Fudd. 

A ringing noise interrupts Paige’s pity party and she starts half-heartedly digging around for her phone. She’s confused when she finds it because no one’s calling her and the room is still vibrating with noise. Crinkling her eyebrows, Paige’s eyes finally land on the couch side table, where Katie’s phone, clearly forgotten, is buzzing. 

Azzi’s CallerID flashes on the screen. 

Paige stares at the phone, rooted in place. She knows she shouldn’t pick it up, knows she should go return it. Still without a decision, Paige slowly starts to reach for it. And then it stops ringing and Paige goes still again, unsure if she’s relieved or disappointed. Swallowing, she takes another step. The phone rings again. A myriad of thoughts dance through Paige’s mind, opposing thoughts clashing with each other and making her head hurt. She lies to herself that it’s out of concern; that Azzi’s pregnant and this could be important. She lies to herself as she hits the green answer button that it’s not because she’s desperate to hear Azzi’s voice. 

“Mom?” Azzi sounds distraught when she picks up but Paige thinks it’s still her favorite sound any way, “Mom? I think I did something wrong. I can’t do this Mom. You’ve been gone a day and I’ve already fucked up. I don’t know what and I don’t know when but I think I fucked up. Maybe I ate something I wasn’t supposed to. Maybe it’s because I lay on my back instead of my side but Mom she hasn’t kicked all day and I can’t get Dr. Myers on the phone and I-”

“It’s a girl?” Paige breathes out. And suddenly she’s 22, sitting in a UConn apartment living room, grinning foolishly as Jana points out an AI picture that looks like the perfect mixture of her and Azzi. Azzi, who’s having a daughter. 

The woman in question is quiet and for a second Paige thinks that Azzi might hang up. 

“It’s a girl Paige,” Azzi says finally. 

“Are you- are you okay?” Paige asks slowly, trying not to dwell on how much she’s missed the way Azzi says her name. It’s been Bueckers every time they’ve seen each other this year and she’s never hated the sound of her last name more. 

“Yeah, I just-” Azzi sighs, her voice still a little frazzled, “I’m just being paranoid cause my Mom’s not here and my doctor’s not answering and the stupid baby hasn’t kicked all day,” she pauses, “sorry. I-I don’t mean to dump on you. Not today at least.”

“Az-”

“Where’s my Mom?”

“She- she’s probably outside. Think she left her phone here by accident. I can go find her but can I-” Paige hesitates, chewing at her lips in a way she knows Olivia hates, “can I help?”

“I don’t think-”

Paige shocks herself with her next words, “put the phone to your stomach.”

“What? Paige, did you hit your head in the last two seconds or something?”

“Just- just trust me,” she’s not really sure what she’s saying but now that she’s said, might as well commit to the bit, “I’mma talk sense into her. I saw it in a movie.”

“You saw it in a-” Azzi sighs and Paige can practically picture her rolling her eyes.  “I don’t know who’s more insane. You for coming up with the idea or me because I’mma follow through it,” there’s a bunch of static noise on the other side as Azzi adjusts herself, putting the phone on speaker and pressing it to her belly, “alright Dr. Bueckers work your magic.”

Paige is nervous as she speaks, “hey there little bean. I’m your-” she stops because what is she, “I’m your Paige,” she decides softly, “and I think- I think you should stop stressing your Mama out. She’s a bit of an overthinker so if you could just help her out, I think she’d really appreciate it. Because if- if you don’t she isn’t gonna be able to sleep tonight and you don’t know this yet but when your Mama doesn’t get sleep, she’s kind of a bi-”

“Paige,” Azzi hisses.

“Big baby,” Paige corrects, “she’s a big baby. And then she cries and it’s not a pretty sight-”

“Hey!”

“Sshhh Azzi I’m working my magic,” Paige scolds, “where was I? Oh yeah. She cries and it’s not a pretty sight because,’ her voice softens, “seeing your Mama cry is the worst thing in the world. I hate it and I know- I know you’re gonna hate it too because when you finally come out little bean, the first thing you’re gonna see is your Mama’s smile. And you’re gonna think it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Just like I do,” a sob escapes on the other end of the line and Paige feels tears start to cascade down her own cheeks, “come on little bean, give us a little kick. Make your Mama smile.”

Time ticks by slowly and Paige closes her eyes, thinking maybe her desperate attempt to keep Azzi on the line had failed miserably. And then Azzi gasps, “she kicked. Oh my god Paige she kicked.”

Paige’s grin stretches her whole face and for a second it almost feels like she’s right there with Azzi, that instead of her ear being pressed to a phone, it’s pressed to Azzi’s belly. For a second she almost feels like she can feel the baby kicking. And then she opens her eyes. 

“Did it make you smile?” 

“Yeah, yeah it did,” Azzi admits and Paige can hear the relief in her voice. 

“I’m glad- I’m glad you have something that makes you smile.”

“Do you?” Azzi sucks in a sharp breath, “do you have someone that makes you smile?”

“Yeah, yeah I do,” and it’s not a complete lie. Olivia does make Paige smile. And maybe it’s not quite as big or bright or real but at least Olivia’s here to try. 

“Good. I-I’m also really glad you have that.”

“You are?”

“Of course I am Paige,” Azzi says quietly, “I want you to smile. I just- I just want you to be happy. Are you happy Paige?”

“I’m getting married today,” Paige says in lieu of an answer and she can hear Azzi’s breath hitch. 

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It is. It’s a yes or no question,” Azzi presses.

“Then you answer it Azzi,” Paige bites out, “are you happy?”

“I”m-,” the younger girl lets out a sigh, “I’m content.”

Her answer makes Paige’s skin itch with irritation and she can’t stop it from seeping into her next question, “so you have no regrets then?”

“I didn’t say that,” there’s a warning edge to Azzi’s voice. 

“Do you or do you not regret saying no to marrying me Azzi?” Paige asks, unable to hold it in any longer. 

“Paige-”

“What? You gonna say it’s not that simple? It’s a yes or no question Azzi,” Paige mocks. 

“That’s not it-”

“Then what is?”

“You’re getting married Paige,” Azzi yells, “you’re getting married,” she repeats again, softer this time, “to someone else. And so it doesn’t matter how I feel. It isn’t fair of you to ask and it wouldn’t- it wouldn’t be fair of me to answer. Not today. Maybe one day- one day it'll be the right time but not today.”

“And what if it’s never the right time?” 

“Then maybe it’s a question you were never meant to know the answer to.”

There’s something final in the quietness that follows, like they’re having a moment of silence at a funeral for what never even got to be. 

It’s Azzi who speaks first. 

“You’re gonna be a wonderful wife P.”

“You’re gonna be an amazing mom Az.”

They let it left unsaid that they were supposed to be wives to each other, that they were supposed to be moms together. 

***

March 2033 

Paige doesn’t know how long she stands outside, staring down the winding road that had taken Stephie and Azzi away from her. The neighborhood is slowly waking up and if the woman across the street opens her curtains and thinks it’s a little strange that her new neighbor is standing like a statue on her front porch, she only raises a slight eyebrow before going back to her day. It takes almost twenty minutes before her head finally convinces her heart that no matter how much she stands outside, they’re not coming back. 

There’s a part of her that can admit that maybe Azzi had a point and maybe she shouldn’t have asked her to stay over last night. But Paige has never been known for her common sense, especially not when it comes to Azzi. Because truth be told, asking Azzi to stay the night was perhaps the least ridiculous of the thoughts that had invaded her mind last night. It was easy- too easy- to fall right back into whatever with Azzi. She’d done a good job pretending that the nightly facetime calls had been for Stephie’s benefit but the truth is that they had become just as much a necessity for Paige. She’d fallen asleep with a smile on her face every night and the temptation to have that in person last night had been too hard to resist. And so she hadn’t. 

She makes it about three steps up the stairs, when the fort still set up in the living room catches her eye. And that’s when the first tear falls, and then the second and then the third until she thinks if she tried to swim in them, she’d probably drown. Paige abandons the idea of going up to her room and crawls back into the tent made of blankets. And she must be going insane because she swears she can still smell the faint scent of a toddler and Azzi’s lavender perfume on the pillow she cradles to her chest. It’s ridiculous to be so attached already. She knows that. Stephie isn’t hers but it feels like the little girl has crept underneath her skin, burrowing herself in a part of Paige’s heart that the blond didn’t even know was there. And Azzi- well no matter how long it’s been, no matter how much resentment Paige has held, the truth is that there’s a little patch of Paige’s soul  that will always belong to the younger woman. 

Paige barely registers herself falling asleep until there’s abrupt knocking on her door and she realizes she’s been cocooned in the fort for almost three hours. She hesitantly lets go of the pillow, groggily walking towards the door. It’s useless to pretend that she isn’t hoping it’s Azzi and Stephie on the other side, isn’t hoping that Azzi had realized her mistake, isn’t hoping to scoop both of them into her arms and fill the hollowness that’s been thrumming against her ribcage. God Paige has barely survived a month -a day if she’s completely honest- she doesn’t know how she’s going to survive this whole season. 

She crosses her fingers behind her back as she opens the door. 

“Hey,” Katie’s smiling face looks back at her, holding up a tray of coffee and a bag of something, “figured you haven’t eaten breakfast yet?”

Paige blinks stupidly as Katie lets herself in, moving through Paige’s house with ease and immediately locating the kitchen. She hands Paige a cup of coffee before ransacking through the bag and pulling out a glazed donut, “eat. I know you haven’t.”

“Does Azzi know you’re here?” Paige asks slowly before taking a bite out of her donut. 

Katie gives her pointed look, “who do you think gave me your address?”

“Is she- is she okay?” 

“You two are something you know,” Katie shakes her head, “you’re asking me if she’s okay and she sent me over here to make sure that you were okay.”

Paige feels her heart swell with after all this time, “she sent you?”

“I have breakfast with Azzi and Stephie every Sunday morning. Now imagine my surprise when I get there today and my oh so sweet and wonderful granddaughter isn’t talking to her mother. And so I forced the story out of Azzi and I barely understood a word she was saying through her tears-”

“She was crying?” Paige feels her lungs constrict. 

Katie shoots her an unimpressed look, “can I finish the story?”

“I don’t like this story. It has Azzi crying.”

“Yeah well the two of you seem to enjoy doing that to each other,” Katie cocks an unamused eyebrow and Paige flinches at the truth of it, “anyways I didn’t understand much of it but she was clear by the end. Seemed to think you needed someone, needed me and so here I am Paige.”

“Why is your daughter like this?” Paige demands, “how is she gonna make me cry and then send somebody else to wipe my tears.”

“Well I can leave-”

“Why couldn’t she just have stayed?” the blonde questions, “why does she always have to overthink things and make it more complicated? Why can’t she just listen to her heart once in her fucking life? Why can’t she just let herself live? Why is it always no with her and never just yes?”

Katie gives Paige a sad smile, reaching for her hand, “that’s why.”

“Please don’t speak in riddles. It’s 10 a.m and I’m sad,” Paige whines. She might be in her early thirties but there’s something about Katie Fudd that makes Paige feel like it’s okay to be a bit of a child.

“Why is it always no with her and never yes?” Katie repeats, “c’mon Paige you know that’s not about last night.”

“It is,” Paige argues stubbornly. 

“It’s not,” Katie says, gently squeezing Paige’s hand, “it’s about her saying no 8 years ago.”

“I’m ov-” Paige stops, withering under Katie’s glare, “okay maybe it’s a little bit about her saying no 8 years ago. But I’m allowed to still be upset about it. She broke my heart. I wanted forever and she walked away. I’m allowed to be mad about that.”

“Of course you’re allowed to be mad Paige but that’s exactly why Azzi had to go this morning. And it’s exactly why you shouldn’t have asked her to stay last night. You guys can’t just pretend none of it happened because it did. You’re still hurt Paige and ignoring that is gonna get you guys nowhere. Especially with Stephie involved.”

“So what are you saying? You’re saying me and Azzi should just be teammates? You’re saying I should just never see Stephie again,” even the thought of it makes Paige feel like she is laying down on a bed of thorns. 

“You’re so goddamn dramatic Bueckers,” Katie rolls her eyes, “I’m not saying any of that. I’m saying maybe you just need to take it slower, with both of them, instead of having a goddamn sleepover the literal first night you’re in the same city. Besides,” Katie gives her a knowing smirk, “my granddaughter is obsessed with her Miss Buecks. Pretty sure she’d find a way to see you again no matter what.”

“Good,” Paige lets out her first smile of the day, “because I’d find a way to see her again too. She just- she’s kinda great isn’t she? Azzi did a good job with that one. She’s- she’s perfect,” she looks at Katie who’s regarding Paige with a thoughtful expression, “what? Do I have donut glaze on my face?”

“No, no it just- I’ve seen that expression before.”

“What expression?”

“The one you just had on your face while talking about Stephie,” Katie laughs to herself, “it’s the same one Tim had when he first met Azzi.”

***

“Oh my god. It’s Paige Bueckers. Can I have your autograph?” Steph Curry winks at Paige as she walks into his office. The Golden State legend had started an after-school basketball camp for kids in the Bay Area and as soon as he’d heard the news of Paige coming over to the Valkyries, he’d messaged her if she’d be interested in helping him out in the off-season. Paige had been more than willing to be a part of it, always invested in giving back to her community. If she’d been excited by the idea before though, today, after the worst sleep of her night as she tossed and turned to the hopeless depression of not having spoken to Stephie and Azzi for far too long, Paige really needed this distraction. 

“Don’t think you can afford my autograph,” Paige smirks lazily as she basically droops into the seat opposite him. 

Steph laughs goodnaturedly, “welcome to the Bay Area kid.”

“I’m a little old to be called a kid don’t you think? I’m nearly 25,” Paige grins, wiggling her eyebrows.. 

Steph shakes his head, “nah you’re always gonna be a kid to me. You and Azzi both,” he chuckles to himself, “even though Azzi’s got her own kid now. Have you met her?”

Well that distraction lasted 30 seconds, Paige thinks to herself as she forces a smile onto her face, “yeah. I’ve seen her around.”

“She’s cute as hell right? And she knows it. Little miss bossy pants has everyone wrapped around her fingers. Kinda reminds me of Riley,” there’s a goofy expression as Steph thinks of his daughter and Paige wonders if the same one is reflected on her face as she thinks about Stephie, “and she’s a natural at basketball. Only five and her shot’s already pretty good. You’ll see it today when she comes to camp. And she’s pretty good at defense-”

“I’m sorry what?” Paige blinks rapidly. 

“I know. What defense can a 5 year old play but it’s just the way she moves you know?” Steph tries to explain and Paige shakes her head. 

“Not that. Stephie- Stephie’s coming to camp?”

Steph grins large and proud, “of course she is. She was the first camper I signed.”

“Right,” Paige nods, giving the man in front of her a tight smile, “can you- can you excuse me for one second.”

As soon as Paige is outside of Steph’s earshot, she’s calling Katie; Katie who had sat at her kitchen counter yesterday and listened with a smile as Paige told her all about Steph’s camp. Katie who hadn’t said one word about Stephie being a part of said camp. Katie who was maybe grinning just a little too hard at the idea. 

“Did you know Stephie goes to Curry Camp?” Paige asks as soon as the line connects. 

“Hi Katie. Hi Paige. How was your day? Oh mine was good Paige, thanks for asking, how was yours?” Katie replies sarcastically. 

“Katie,” Paige groans. 

“Did I know that my granddaughter goes to her godfather’s special camp for the sport that her mother plays and she’s obsessed with?” Katie says slowly and Paige can tell she’s holding back a laugh, “nope, didn’t have a clue. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“And ruin the surprise?”

“What happened to telling me to take things slow?” Paige hisses. 

“Well if I left the two of you two to your own devices y’all wouldn’t go slow, you wouldn’t even move at all,” Katie defends. 

“So you’re meddling?”

“I am not,” Katie protests, “you were always gonna help with the camp and Stephie’s already been going to the camp. I just didn’t let you stress out about it. Really you should be thanking me.”

“Thank you Katie,” Paige bites out mockingly. 

“You’re so very welcome Paige,” Katie sing-songs, “by the way, come over for dinner soon okay sweetheart. Love you honey. See you later darling.”

She hangs up before Paige can say anything and the blonde saunters back into Steph’s office, trying to corral her facial expression into something more neutral. 

“All good?” Steph asks. 

“Just peachy,” Paige hums in response, “we gonna head over to the court soon? It’s almost 4.”

Steph nods, “yeah they’ll be done setting up for us. Azzi usually brings Stephie to say hi to me right before cause no favoritism in front of the other kids you know? But maybe she’s running la- oh no wait there they are!”

Paige freezes, heartbeat erratic, as Steph walks to the door in anticipation. 

“UNCLE TWIN,” Stephie screams and something in Paige’s heart starts to fix itself at the sound of the younger girl’s voice. She’s scared to turn around, unsure if she’s more scared to realize it’s a dream or find out that it’s reality. 

“TWIN NIECE,” Steph yells back with equal vigor and Paige can hear Azzi’s laugh now too, each giggle acting like a needle, stitching up the parts of Paige that had felt broken since yesterday morning. She turns around deliberately slowly. Stephie is cradled in Steph’s arms and Azzi’s watching them with a fond smile. And it’s ridiculous to be jealous of a happily married man who’s practically Azzi’s brother if not her uncle, but the sense of that should be me, weighs heavily on Paige’s lungs anyways. 

It’s Azzi who sees her first, smile slowly fading as dark brown eyes clash with light blue ones. 

“Paige,” she whispers softly and there’s a multitude of undecipherable emotions wrapped in that one syllable and Paige thinks she could spend forever just trying to uncover them. 

Stephie’s ear perks up at the mention of Paige’s name as her own little eyes finally land on the blonde, shuffling her feet nervously in the corner. Her bottom lip trembles, eyes watering as she forces herself down from Steph’s lap, racing to Paige. It’s instinct the way Paige falls to her knees, ready to catch the bundle of limps that practically falls into her waiting arms. 

“Miss Buecks,” Stephie whimpers, “I missed you so much.”

Paige’s own eyes water as she buries her face in Stephie’s hair, “me too sweetheart. I missed you so, so, so much.”

In front of them, Steph looks beyond confused as to what's happening and Azzi’s determinedly looking away, even if there’s a lone tear waterfalling down her left cheek. 

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” Stephie confesses, voice choked up as she tightens her grip on Paige’s neck, “and I begged and I begged Mama to let me call you but she said you were busy. And then I yelled at Mama and it made Mama cry too and I hate making Mama cry.”

“I know. I know sweetheart,” Paige soothes softly, running her hands down Stephie’s back as the little girl continues to babble. They stay like that for a long time and Paige thinks if she could ask the world for one thing that doesn’t belong to her, she’d ask for Stephie. 

Finally Steph coughs, looking apprehensively between the three girls in the room, “so um- I take it you’ve more than just seen Stephie around then Paige?”

Paige lets out a watery laugh, finally letting Stephie go and turning around but still keeping a hand on Stephie’s shoulder, “yeah I guess that’s true.”

“What are you doing here Miss Buecks,” Stephie asks, looking up at Paige. 

“I’m uh- well Mr. Steph-”

“Uncle Twin,” Stephie corrects immediately and Paige can’t help but grin at the nickname. 

“Right. Uncle Twin asked me to be a coach at his camp and I agreed,” Paige explains, trying to catch Azzi’s eyes but the shooting guard seems determined to focus on a picture of Steph and Ayesha on the wall instead. 

“You’re gonna be my coach,” Stephie squeals, turning around to hug Paige’s knees, “this is the best news of my life.”

Paige feels her heart soar into a sky of you’re the best new of my life Stephie as she bends down to kiss Stephie forehead, “let’s see if you say that when I make you run laps after you miss a shot.”

“You wouldn’t?” Stephie says, looking horrified at the idea. 

“I totally would,” Paige teases. 

Stephie is quiet for a second before a proud smirk blooms on her lips, “that’s okay ‘cause I don’t miss. I’m Azzi Fudd’s daughter. Right Mama?”

“Right baby,” Azzi says, finally letting herself meet Paige’s gaze. 

“Well Miss-I-Don’t-Miss, how about you walk over to the court and show us how you don’t miss,” Steph teases. 

Stephie waddles out of Paige’s grip and holds her arms up at Steph, a saccharine smile on her face,“I can’t be tired if I don’t wanna miss Uncle Twin, so can you please carry me over there?”

Steph rolls his eyes but it doesn’t stop him from hoisting Stephie onto his shoulders, “alright your highness, let’s go.”

Stephie’s giggles echoe down the hall as Steph runs towards the courts and Paige can’t help the fond laugh that escapes her. 

“She gets that from you, you know,” Paige says softly to Azzi. 

“Gets what?”

“Being a princess who gets everything she wants.”

“Not everything,” Azzi says wistfully, “not everything I want.”

She moves to start following but Paige wraps a hand around her wrist, “I didn’t know Stephie was a part of Curry Camp. I swear I- I didn’t do this on purpose.”

Azzi sighs, “I know. I know you wouldn’t Paige.”

“And I- I wanted to thank you for sending your Mom yesterday. I really- I really did need it even if I didn’t know it,” Paige’s thumb subconsciously rubs against Azzi’s skin, “but you- you always seem to know what I need.”

Azzi rips her hand out from Paige's grip, “you’re doing it again.”

“I’m not-”

“Yes you are. You keep saying things like that- things you shouldn’t say- things I can’t just listen to and be okay,” Azzi brushes her hand against her face, “I know the way I left yesterday was wrong and maybe I was projecting,” she admits in a whisper, “but you just- you make me feel too fucking much. And it's too quick and it’s scares me.”

“Scares you?” Paige scoffs, “I’m not the one who broke your heart Azzi.”

“You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I’ve lived with that guilt for the last 8 years? Jesus fucking christ Paige. I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of me,” tears stream down Azzi’s face as she paces the room, “I have never heard Stephie cry so fucking much in my life Paige. And you know who did that to her? Me, I did that. Apparently I’m really fucking good at making people cry but I don’t want to. I don’t want to break her heart, I don’t want to break your heart and I don’t want to break my own heart. Not again.”

“Azzi-”

“And so I’m stopping it before it happens. Before I ruin it again.”

Azzi tries to leave again but Paige is faster, wrapping her arms around the younger woman’s waist and pulling her flush against her chest so she can’t escape. It’s a terrible idea because now all of her senses are consumed by Azzi as they both become acutely aware of how close they are now. 

“Paige,” Azzi whispers weakly, one hand pressed right against Paige’s heart, “let me go.”

“I think today’s the right time,” Paige says softly, hands grazing Azzi’s waist, “I asked you a question once and you said one day, when the time was right, you’d give me an answer. It’s the right time.”

“I don’t think so-”

“Azzi please,” Paige begs, “do you regret saying no?”

“Paige let me go,” Azzi wriggles against her grip but it only makes Paige tighten her hold. 

“It’s a simple yes or no question.’

“Stephie’s probably wondering where we are-”

“Then answer the damn question and we can go to her-”

“Paige please.”

“Answer the fucking question Azzi.”

“What do you want me to say?” Azzi bursts out finally, “you want me to say that I’ve never regretted anything more in my life? You want me to say the minute I said no, I wanted to rip out my tongue? You want me to say that I almost called you several times in the last decade to tell you how stupid I was? You want me to say that I flew to Dallas once to tell you that I fucked up but then I saw you with Olivia and decided you deserved better than me-”

“What?”  Paige feels the air being snatched from her lungs. 

“The answer to your stupid fucking question,” Azzi’s voice breaks, “is yes. Yes I regret saying no to you Paige. But it doesn’t matter. Because I said no and you found someone else who’d say yes and now it’s too late.”

And Paige thinks that Katie was probably right, that she should probably take things slow. But when it comes to Azzi Fudd, Paige Bueckers has never been one to do what she should. 

“It’s never too late for us,” Paige whispers before crashing her lips against the woman, who’s always been the reason for her biggest, brightest, most real smile.

[daenysx]

Hi lovey! How are you? I hope everything is going well. Can I request a “3 am” with James or Sirius (your choice :))with a reader who has insomnia please?

3.00 AM | JAMES POTTER

"jamie, your hand will go numb if you keep doing that."

"challenge accepted, my sweet angel."

you can't sleep and james rubs your back. he also drowns you in too sweet endearments, maybe they would make you blush and hide to his chest, you could close your eyes as you fall in love with him all over again. maybe he's dreaming, and this is not a really good solution. he'll keep doing it, though, until you tell him to stop.

"i'm so mad at myself." you say. you sound so desperate and tired, james can't help himself. he leans into your space to kiss your forehead for a few seconds. "i just want to sleep."

"i know, baby." he says. he knows, he tries to help. "you will fall asleep, i promise."

"i need to go to class tomorrow." you tell him, your voice carries hints of frustration. "if i sleep too late, i'll never wake up on time."

"don't stress yourself." james says. it's only worse for you. "i'll wake you up if you can't."

"you need sleep, too. i'm keeping you awake for nothing."

his hand on your back stops. he needs to give you a proper hug, he won't let you drown in sadness. "come here." he says, your body settles down on his chest with ease. "it's not like i can have a good sleep with you being awake next to me, unable to get any rest. don't blame yourself for my decisions, please."

you press your face to his neck. he smells nice, the cologne he likes to wear after shower fills your senses. he squeezes your body in a very fine way, you wrap your arms around him.

your body feels less tense. it's still hard to close your eyes, but with the passing seconds, it will be easier. james is warm, he manages to calm down your nerves. you let yourself melt against him. he's strong enough to hold you like this the entire night.

"try to close your eyes for me, hmm?" he whispers to you in the dark. so gentle, so good. you do as he says. "don't force yourself, just relax. it'll be okay."

at some point of his reassuring sentences, you slip away and a faint wave of sleep catches you.

dreamer girl sleepover ♡

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY LELIANA - ROMANCE *  lines taken from the leliana romance in dragon age: origins

what i'm trying to say is... is that i trust you. i'm comfortable around you. i know you'll be there when i need you.

well... aren't you sweet and attentive?

oh, the games you play.

did you know your eyelids flutter when you dream? and you have such pretty eyelashes.

listen, i want to spend the night with you. there, i said it.

where's the fun in that?

now come with me before i lose my patience.

i do not regret any of the pain, the anger, the loneliness... because it brought me to you.

i... love you. it's so wonderful to say that to someone again.

there isn't much more i can say. my feelings have been laid bare. you are... very special to me.

i'm here for you.

i might need some company... and you're not too irritating. you're welcome to come along if you like.

it is settled then. you and i... wandering the world, seeking our fortunes. i can't wait.

maybe you should let your softer side show more often.

i enjoy those nights when we stand guard together, talking to pass the time in those small hours.

sometimes following your heart, not your head, leads you to remarkable places.

i enjoy the nights at camp. the night always seems more peaceful to me. safer.

sometimes i succumb and fall asleep, and wake to find you still watchful and i know you're watching out for me.

you are our leader, and my friend, and... sometimes i think that maybe we could be more than that.

i knew this would come up sooner or later.

even in the midst of this darkness, there is hope and beauty. have faith.

no more lies between us, at least in this.

it feels good to have this off my chest. thank you for listening, and understanding.

flowers? for me? oh... they're beautiful.

thank you so much for remembering.

this story is one of my favorites, a tale of love so great and so enduring that it defies death and moves the gods to action.

sometimes i ask myself, does such a love exist? can it exist?

i never expected you to say that. it is... a pleasant surprise.

i have to say there is a certain severity to you. finding a person behind that all is nice.

i'm not embarrassed! i'm just... flushed because of the heat...

you often show signs of intelligence and you're fairly good looking... most of your facial features are in the right place.

you're already helping so much by listening to me.

people are starting to look at me strangely. we will speak of this again, i promise.

you don't know how it makes me feel to hear you say that.

now it's getting late. i think i might... turn in early.

i can't help thinking about how soft and warm my bedroll is.

you know i enjoy your company.

it would be nice if you came with me.

stop pretending you don't know what i want.

i've been up for some time, but yes, i slept very well.

i've just been watching you sleep.

knowing you will be the first thing i see when i wake gives me no small amount of comfort.

i feel safe in your arms. safe, loved, and accepted. this is where i belong.

you are my dearest friend and my love. you lit my path through darkness and i will stand with you, to whatever end.

i imagine that whatever you get up to, it'll be anything but boring.

[erwinsvow]

rafe looks even cuter when he's asleep.

you don't know how the thought has never crossed your mind up until now—it's so alarmingly obvious to you right now. you stare—a bit stalkerish, even for you—but that doesn't deter you at all. you watch his chest rise and fall with each breath, the way he's completely crazy, sleeping firm on his back with one arm on your waist and the other tucked behind his head.

maybe rafe seems even cuter just because he's escaping all the stress of his real life right now—firmly asleep with hopefully nothing but nice dreams about you. and as much as you try to avoid it, you are the primary cause of all of rafe's stress. he worries about you from dawn to dusk, even when you try to convince him there's nothing to be worried about.

it's become something of a habit for him—taking care of you, making sure you're okay, even when he's not around. and you—well, you've gotten quite reliant on it. on him. you're not positive—but you think rafe likes it.

even now, on the verge of waking him up because you can't sleep, you hope he doesn't get mad. it doesn't stop you though.

"rafe," you whisper, pushing his arm softly, and then a little harder. "rafe. rafe."

he groans, eyes still shut. the third push has him blinking, staring up at the ceiling and getting his bearings.

"what time is it?" he slurs, clearly still half-asleep. "still dark, kid, go back to bed-"

"i can't sleep," you say a little too quickly, your restlessness presenting itself quite clearly. "please. i don't know why. i'm scared."

rafe closes his eyes, but then opens again, no matter how hard it is to stay awake right now. he sits up a little, propping his back against his headboard. when he turns to look at you, he doesn't feel so tired anymore.

you look really awake, like you haven't had an ounce of rest since the two of you went to bed hours ago. fiddling with the straps of your nightgown, you look up at him the way you always do—like rafe can solve any one of your problems in a minute.

and he likes it. rafe doesn't even try and hide it anymore—he loves it and loves that about you.

"what're you scared of, huh?" he asks, voice still thick with sleep. you breath in and out, trying to figure out how to explain.

"i dunno. i just am."

"okay," rafe says quietly. he closes his eyes for a few moments and then opens again. your lips curl into a pout automatically—you feel bad for waking him up. "how can i help?"

"i don't know that either. i just want to feel close to you."

"m'right here, kid-" rafe extends an arm around you, bringing you into his chest. you curl up against him like you always do, breathing in the scent of his skin and the warmth from where his hand rubs your back. but it's still not enough.

"i want to be even closer," you murmur, feeling a little more tired but not nearly enough to actually fall asleep.

"how d'you suppose i do that, hm?" you look up at your boyfriend—cuter still with his eyes closed like this.

"can't you just.." feeling surprisingly bold—probably from how wired yet exhausted you currently are—you sneak a hand over rafe's pajama shots, pressing your hand down until-

"jesus, kid. gimme some warning, huh-"

"what? you said you're 'never too tired for that', remember?"

"well, i lied. c'mon baby, just go to bed, i'll fuck you first thing in the morning."

"hmpf," you scoff, turning around and taking much of rafe's comforter with you. you don't have to see rafe to know what's going on—he's rolling his eyes and sitting up, probably has his head in his hands for a moment.

"jesus, kid. you're gonna kill me. c'mere," rafe says, turning you back around to face him with just one hand. your body flops next to him, staring up at rafe, seeing what he'll do next.

"we don't have to do it," you finally say, watching rafe move around in the sheets for a few moments. "can't you just... put it inside?"

"sure i can. c'mon," he says, and you climb onto rafe's lap as swiftly as you can. it doesn't take much—he slides up your nightie with one hand and pulls down his shorts with the other. you feel rafe prodding at your tight hole when he grabs at your tits, letting the skirt of your sleepwear fall back down.

"you just said-" rafe cuts you off.

"still gotta wake him up, remember?" you roll your eyes but they end up rolling all the way back. rafe slides in quickly—you almost fall onto his chest at the feeling.

incredibly full, realizing this is exactly what you needed, you let yourself curl back up against him. rafe's saying something quietly to you, one of his hands firm on your ass and the other on your back, but you can't even hear him.

"thank you rafey," you murmur, interrupting him without even realizing. "this is what i needed." rafe presses a kiss to your hair and you fall asleep before you even hear him whisper back.