#I dont know how I feel about my friends when I mentioned doing this being like “oh you should that would be so fun for you”
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missedmilemarkers · 1 day ago
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Hi again!! Figured that since you were technically open to any question, I want to hear your thoughts or views on this. I'm not sure if I could message you (because I'm very awkward and I can't exactly hold a conversation based on small topics) But, how do you feel about choosing something practically over passion? This question has always plagued me ever since it was brought up during class, and it provoked to me how practically was always chosen over passion as it would technically "help" them more than pursuing their passion.
Was choosing tech for you a more practical choice or were you passionate about it? I don't want to sound rude over this question, but it only occurred to me when you mentioned that you were working in a field that is quite more on the technical side. Do you see it as something similar to an art form as you develop products that could help improve lives tremendously? Or is it just a job that you expect to pay good?
(P.S Sharing these photos I took some time ago, I believe it was last year and it was submitted for a class. Hope you enjoy them as well! Not as much sun as the last one though)
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First off. Before going into any of the content of this post. THAT GIANT SNAIL IS SOO COOL! I just recently found out that they exist and was just amazed by the size of them. GREAT PICTURE!!!
Alright lets unpack the content of this ask.
TLDR:
You got this I believe in you. Stand tall and proud and go for whatever your heart and head want. If they disagree pick one and evaluate later. Even if your heart and head dont know that is OK as the story of your life unfolds the path will become clear. If you are honest you can always move with confidence and never lose a moment of sleep.
I am choosing to dive deep into this again for a few different reasons. The reason I am doing this you are at a moment in time which you perceive to be important (final exams, deciding about life etc etc etc). The unfortunate thing is this moment is no more important then any other you will experience. All it is would nothing more then a "MileMarker" which you will use for evaluation later in life. That does not mean its not important. All that means is every decision you made every action you took got you to the moment you are in RIGHT NOW. So dont worry no matter your choice you will always make the right decision. Even if its wrong you will always gain insight and that insight will always lead to success if passion is applied.
how do you feel about choosing something practically over passion?
I am not sure if there is exactly a correct answer for this one. If there is I think the best one would be do whatever makes you happy, and the only way to find out what makes you happy is to try. One thing I have learned is sometimes money or love is not enough. One can have all the money in the world and be miserable. Same goes for love. One could be loved by the world and be empty inside. That answer is kind of B.S. for someone that is seeking input. With that being said I will go over some of my experiences. My very first job was at an auto mechanic shop. I used to love working on cars. I would spend my weekends doing it. I would hang out with my friends and all have a great time. So i figured it would be a good choice to work as a mechanic. So I went and got that job. I worked it for about 5 years. At the end of it I never wanted to work on cars again. To this day I will not even change my own oil because I hate it so much. Am I upset it turned out that way? Not at all. Life is all about the experience nothing more nothing less. That lesson for me was finding out what I did not like in life and was just as important in my journey as knowing what I liked. At the end of my mechanic experience I figured I should just go be a garbage man. I would get the same blue jump suit but instead of the trash coming to me I would go to the trash. Really all we can do is to try. There is no wrong answer. Even if one makes a choice and find out its wrong for you that is OK.
Was choosing tech for you a more practical choice or were you passionate about it? "Neither and both"
The reason I brought up the above being a mechanic. If i did not want the same thing to happen on my outlook of computers as it did for mechanics. It was because of this I did not get into tech. I loved it so much I did not want to risk ever hating it. So that is passion but born of practicality based on what is important to me and only me. This is was dictated by my previous experiences and not wanting to have any regret in life. More on this: I have always been interested in computers and tech. I grew up in a very poor household. We only ever had exactly what we needed and nothing more. My childhood was amazing. Yea at the time I wanted more but after I got older and realized how the world was I landed on the outlook of "I could not have asked for more and it was amazing even though it was viewed bad at the time". One of my best friends growing up his family was very rich. It was through him that I was able to get access to technology. From that my obsession was born. I loved tech so much I avoided it professionally because i did not want the same thing to happen as did with mechanics. Then one day just purely by happenstance a neighbor offered me a job. I decided at that moment you know what try it. Why not, I now knew the signs of when i might start to hate it. so why not. We can never have any form of regret. So at that first job I literally ran around a call center unplugging and plugging back in headsets. Was this something that made a difference in this world. No, was it something that I found great internal satisfaction. No. At this point did it provide me financial security. NO IT SURE DID NOT! It was until many years went by to get a chance to shine. When that moment came I was ready and I crushed it. From that moment it was all different. I gained both functional and passion in my career with huge paychecks. But you know what, none of that matters now. The only thing it provides is a story for others of my personal experience. None of it means anything right now and clearly I cannot seem to pay the bills. That is ok. I would not change my situation, the outcomes, my choices or or any aspect of how i got to this moment right now. As long as I continue to try, learn and adapt I will find my way. However none of that will happen if I never take steps on my own and try with every fiber of my being each day.
how practically was always chosen over passion as it would technically "help" them more than pursuing their passion.
Based on that statement I feel how you are looking at this in the wrong context. That statement is taken from the third person. You need to have it worded something more like this. how practically was always chosen over passion as it would technically "help" me more than pursuing my passion. The context of that change is huge. Lets take a moment and reflect on that. I bring special attention to this because 1. We can never know what is best for any other person. Its hard enough knowing what is best for ourselves. Its ok to use other peoples stories and experiences as guidance in our own actions and decisions. It should never be our place to dictate what is best for another. We can never know that persons experiences, thoughts, emotions or context. We can offer guidance and feel happy we had an opportunity to share. 2. This now forces an action from the third person to a first person. This logic dictates something must happen. Even non action is an action and should be evaluated later and potentially adjusted. Sometimes non action is the best action. Often times its not though. Its all about that re-evaluation. 3. Experience is the most important thing in life. If you are struck in any form of "I wish I could...", "I always wanted to...", "Why cant i just...", "I don't know what ...". The only way to fix that is to do anything different. If you are frozen in a conversation start with one single word "Hello". If you are struck with any form of indecision just make one that is easier and more open ended. Instead of "I will make a final decision by", change it to "I try to evaluate my choices on", then take some time do a proper evaluation. Ok i wanted to try but i was unable to do that. Its ok that happened what can I do differently to "try anything else" and step with confidence in whatever choice you make. Even if its wrong there is never any regret because you made the best decision for you at the moment. Changing the view from "Observer" to "Doer" is what this context change provides. When an honest action is taken you can always do it with confidence no matter what it is. to Your final question. Money is a sign of a job well done. If you enjoy what you do you never work a day in your life.
In final thoughts: Tomorrow will never come and yesterday is just a story that only you care about. People might want specific things for you but none of that matters. Anyone who truly cares will want your happiness above all else. If that person cant understand that then they are probably not the best person to spend your time with. If you are living in the past you are depressed. If you are living in the future you are anxious. Its all about right now nothing more nothing less. Just smile, be confident and just do what is best for you and no one else. No decisions are final, you are free to change your mind at any time. Its ok not to know. We can never know the story of life through any other way then just living it how we choose. If future you is worried (anxious). Then present you should do something to set that person which don't know but implicitly care about up for whatever that success is defined as such by you. If past you is upset (depressed) about something then future you (currently present) can do something about it and make a change. Even if that change is wrong you can tell past you (depressed) that you tried and ask that person for advise and make adjustments accordingly. As long as you try you will always get exactly what you need. Survival is a very strange thing like that. It always is right up until it is not. The moments of survival in most cases outnumber the moments of conclusion. So dont ever worry the statistics are on your side.
Time is the only thing we never get back. I choose to spend my time happy. My personal definition of happiness has changed many times throughout life (story). Money will come for me as a result of that. So far it has worked out for me. To date I have survived (lived) far more moments then i have concluded (died). The same thing can be said about anyone reading this.
Conclusion: Each time i chose based on passion, One time I lost a passion. The other time I did not. Each time I was able to survive. Each time i gained valuable experience and understanding of who I was. I always succeed because I will always try hard and hopefully learn from my mistakes just enough to be good. I want to be happy in life and If at any moment I am not that is my measuring stick to make some kind of change.
Much like the seasons change is forced.
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But we will always find the beauty of tomorrow. Even though we might have suffered a broken arm.
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unovaslankiite · 7 months ago
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Prolly gonna be my one and only rwde post (cus the fanbase is rancid and I'm not rlly a rwby fan, just a person who watches the show): some of you rwby fans are too comfortable using your queerness as a shield to silence BIPOC voices about the racist writing and your 'precious' bigoted CRWBY. You guys unironically act/think that just because you have to deal with queerphobia; you are IMMUNE to being bigoted yourself and you are INCAPABLE of parroting bigoted beliefs. Cus I know there will be a dumbass ant1-rwde posters who will try to drown out this post by saying its 'lies from the EVIL RWDE!!!': You would rather weaponize your queerness to bash on BIPOC voices, while claiming to care about our voices. You would rather be complicit with the racist writers and their racist writing, just because your racist writers gave you a queer ship. There is no shame nor issue in projecting the abused you suffered onto the characters, however you refuse to see through the characters and their writing through a BIPOC lens. You do not get the right to impose your perspective of the characters at the expense of BIPOC voices, you do not get to twist our voices to be alt-right bigots because we called out RWBY's rampant racism. You do not get the right to say you give a shit about BIPOC and have #BLM in your bio when you fervently defend your bigoted company. You do not get to pretend to care about racism when you buy merch off of your bigoted company. My fellow BIPOC (especially the queer BIPOC): why are you guys so comfortable dismissing your fellow poc about their discomfort with RWBY's racist writing? BIPOC are not a monolith with the same opinions about racism in media; but some of you guys are weirdly comfortable with turning a blind eye to your fellow BIPOC getting dogpiled by the white fandom. We can and will disagree, you not agreeing as a BIPOC about RWBY's racist writing is not what I take issue with. The issue lies within you upholding the racial colourblindness in the fandom; like how the fandom was ok with throwing the racism under the bus in favour of queerness, you are ok with throwing your BIPOC peers under the bus for white queerness. Sincerely, a POC who has been watching the fandoms rampant racism problem ever since 2019.
#rwde#bitches be like: 'yeah we know that rwby handled racism bad :)))'#then get fucking furious when you say 'adam taurus being retconned from a minority rights fighter to an abusive ex was kinda bad'#go watch unicornofwar's white fang video and think about it holy shit. listen to the white guy if u dont wanna listen to poc#white fans get furious when you say that rwby has a racism problem TO THIS DAY#you dare mention how the 'villains' are all poc with visible ethnic traits/darker skin tones#while our heroes are white as fucking paper with zero ethnic traits#they would scream to the heavens that ruby and yang are chinese#despite being very much modelled off of white women/afabs#while also be giddy about whitewashing james to fit their evil facist dictator narrative#despite james being modelled off of an ACTUAL asian man unlike ruby and yang#and is one of the few characters who have visible ethnic features unlike ruby and yang#fandom racism goes unchecked over here and i have never felt so unsafe in a fandom#at the end of the day: ig white ppl will always prioritize themselves at the expense of bipoc#'omg we're ur allies#i totally understand how it feels like to be discriminated against 🥺'#<- not even a week later you borderline gaslight a poc rightfully saying its fucking weird to be making animal jokes about blake#at this point? call me a slur#dont pretend you give a shit about me as a poc#dont even fucking bother being my friend as a white queer if ur just gonna spout the same shit i see online#rwby fans you guys are one of the most racist fandoms out there#btw if you guys are gonna come at me with racism and harassment#you will be blocked <3#especially if u are as slavic as the vikings#do not bother lecturing a poc about how ur racist anime isn't that racist
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skunkes · 11 months ago
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How do you feel about Dungeon Meshi (i think i spelt that right) getting more popular? I feel like i’ve only seen u post about it but now its popping up a lot more on my twt / tiktok
Mixed feelings! Glad it has an anime now and that ppl are enjoying it, because its really good!
I myself think its annoying when ppl are like "im gatekeeping x media bc its important to me 😡" so thats not how I feel on the other end. It has impacted lots of ppl so if it can get a bigger reach and impact more, thats good. ^_^
if i did not have the time or energy or resources to read it, I would've hated feeling alienated just bc it became a favorite media of mine after the anime came out
Its more like. Idk.
I know ppl who hope it gets Bigger for more official merch but I just don't want it to get Embarrassing ykwim.
I need it to not get so popular that in a few years I'm hiding the volumes from my shelf because its an embarrassing, beat to death thing thats present in every store, backpack, socks, sweater that looks like characters clothing, funko pops, etc. something i cant even enjoy anymore bc its been wrung dry and overexposed and misinterpreted, "of course u like it EVERYONE likes it!" and now I'm tired of it, and wouldn't want ppl to associate me with it LOL 🧿🧿🧿
#anonymous#skunk mail#its like how i do enjoy jjba but id never wear merch out bc what if some fandom poisoned man makes a kakyoin doughnut#joke to me. which happened in college when any mention of it came up#or like how. (insane evil hater mode) when i see people really into BNHA or SNK still im like 😬#can u imagine if those were somehow your favorite series' in the past and now someone who doesnt even go there feels weird about it For You#when you mention it being your fave. LMFAO. i recognize that'll happen regardless due to ppls tastes but ykwim!!! fandom poison!!#the subreddit has already started with unfunny memes 😭#AND already started with ''um but my shipping??? my Het shipping why no het people shipping?? why no het Canon ship??''#ok this is the other hater part that sounds like the ''im gatekeeping this thing thats already popular 😡'' crowd#and im already sorry for the wording im gonna use but you KNOWWWWW the type.#i need it to not ever be on the list of anime that harry potter GOT loving normies my age list as their fave 😭😭😭#SORRY. this is why i cant interact with jjba bc i know my harry potter loving old friend's husband loves it#or like how my friends boyfriend balks at any mention of ''gay shit'' in it. YKWIMMMM. DONT LET IT GET THIS COMMON#we cant let it get to ''i love marvel movies disney harry potter GOT and [ANIME]!'' status 😭 SORRY.#I need it to get so popular they release a thistle figure im already saving for just in case. But not marvel funko pop lover popular. 😭
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the-lark-ascending69 · 8 months ago
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> be a robin buckley fan
> be lesbian
> project on robin
> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic
> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve
#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!''#i have several grips about that interpretation#going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply)#to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take#a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his#inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect#him to be that smart#but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way#it fine#what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao#who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3)#3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too#like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's#rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc#the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭#also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw#unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it)#like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her.#she's his friend.#but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones#where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭#anti steddie#not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone#edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel#drowned in st3ddie posts#like something isn't right here
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arts-i-enjoy · 10 months ago
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AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
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fappellmoan · 1 year ago
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i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there
#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru#but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days#and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay!#and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing#i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail#i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time#not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me#im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me#anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early#i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great#and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most#expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth#but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans#but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated#about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like#u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends#w yall. things happen#abby talks#and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw#a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes#OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it#was years ago but also like christ!
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babsbabbles · 5 months ago
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guys Im beginning to think maybe. most people dont actually compile vast amounts of data. as a hobby
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phagodyke · 7 months ago
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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cookies-over-yonder · 10 months ago
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cookies sad hour whining hour ignore me (<- actually loves attention)
#i'm sad because i wish people would message me first more#i'm always the person who messages first#but when other people send me messages it makes me feel like oh you actually like talking to me and wanted to reach out and talk to me and#are giving me attention without me messaging first#i am a person who needs a lot of attention#and i don't mind asking for it bc i'm the kind of person who says what i want and need#but i get really sad at it sometimes because#when i'm feeling depressed or anxious then i isolate myself and if other people were to reach out to me first more then it would be less#likely to happen#like i even just want people to check in on me every now and then. ask me how i'm feeling if i've mentioned going through a depressive#episode#or whatever mental troubles#idk why i'm feeling so emotional about this suddenly#like i don't mind messaging people first but i guess when it comes to me struggling badly then i WISH people would message me to ask me#how i'm doing#@ all my friends reading this i am not upset at anyone at all btw i'm just lamenting about being a mentally ill extrovert#almost no one messages me first which is whatever cuz i'm chatty and used to initiating conversations but i guess it also makes me sad#i dont ask people to because i'm not about to force people to be doing something that is uncomfortable for them#i do ask people to check in on me though if they know i'm having an episode#idk if it rly happens though#i just sometimes fear that if i stopped pulling my weight in relationships due to a mental health crisis that all of my friendships will di#because i'm the one who initiates everything#again i'm not upset at anyone i'm just lamenting about being a mentally ill extrovert#vent#you can heart this or reply or whatever idc but rbs are off for obvious reasons
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the-kipsabian · 1 year ago
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#feeling really weird in my body tonight so im going back to bed#idk just.. have had gender and identity issues today. its just. a lot#like being ngc and not out of the closet cause i dont wanna talk about it is so exhausting and im just. yeah#not to mention the whole aroace thing#just been thinking a lot today. idk. i know im not faking any of it but bringing it out to ppl is just. so much sometimes#i have two irl friends who know. one thats thankfully very careful about it around other friends cause he knows im not out yet#but its still exhausting. especially when the conversation goes on those rails while undermining specifically my identities#without these ppl knowing about it. and i dont wanna talk about it cause technically its irrelevant but like..#idk. im just afraid of being left alone. being called awkward and weird and faking it and that its just a phase and... yeah idk#idk where this is going im just complaining now. i would just like to exist as myself without having to explain shit#cause these are terms and things i would have to explain. oh whats an agender? then why do you still look feminine and not enby(???)#how do you know youre ace if youve never dated? or aro?? as if these things dont work the other way around#im just already tired of it but i feel like eventually i should break it out. these ppl are my friends. we have a trans person in this grou#and ppl understand him and his perspective. i guess part of that is the thing im afraid about tbh. that they think im following a trend#or an example. that i havent been dealing with this for at least like five or six years before they came out as enby and later trans to us#but.. idk. its just hard. these identities are so hit and miss with ppl and them understanding and being hurtful later on#aaaand now im crying. this is so stupid im going to bed good night#night is an absolute mess on main#(tho be clear tho ive known im ace for over half of my lifetime now. the five to six years was about being agender/enby. fyi)
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heartyearning · 2 years ago
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context for today’s rant is that i got the feedback on my jury’s written feedback in the ‘general’ section (meaning it comes from more than one person) that i’m disrespectful towards my teachers and fellow students (i got it phrased in 2 different ways for flavour) & when i asked around today who said this so i could see how i could change my behaviour (btw none of my fellow students think this which i know bc i asked and everyone was shocked that i got this feedback) all of them were ‘i dont think this but it was discussed that’ which is funny bc it means the school’s computer system has a ghost or no one wants to fucking apologise to me for a very personal and hurtful comment that they can’t back up, but anyway, i was asking for clarification & my most diplomatic teacher (who i dont for a second believe to have written this feedback bc she’d have said so to my face no doubt) was like “well some teachers are worried about you and [best friend]’s clique & think it might turn into an Intellectuals Vs Others thing” (i don’t need to tell you this is so fucking out there i nearly fell from my seat like i have never said this in my life and when this very teacher saying this made a comment about one of my less-well read fellow students i was one of the ones who ‘‘rallied’‘ or whatever in her favour) and anyway then she continued “some ppl feel like u make condescending comments & you just need to remember not everyone has had your trajectory in life” WHICH IS FUNNY because she says this bc my bestie’s got a whole philosophy degree but i’m a highschool dropout with a lower than average iq in certain subjects. which obviously isnt even close to being the point and i do know that but i’m clearly feeling very upset and mad about this whole situation.
#my mom says i shouldnt let this embitter me but i think they should either find an example of when ive been disrespectful#or apologise to me and take it off the written feedback#i had to sit there and listen to everyone say that they dont think im disrespectful which is so fucking humiliating#because i KNOW that. but i still spent all weekend long worried out of my mind & i sat there trembling like a leaf and fucking crying#because i feel so betrayed by all these people im ngl. like im supposed to open myself up to these people and i DO#and be vulnerable with them and i AM#and yet when something like this comment is thrown around in a feedback discussion no one stands up for me?#& i know that they dont like. know all of us individually THAT well like i know that im vulnerable and open with them and they dont like#remember specifics#but theres only 14 ppl in my class which granted is a lot but its not enough to just forget that ive never done anything disrespectful#to any one of my fellow students#in the words of my favourite wrestler: This Has Hurt Me.#and in the words of my best friend who is mentioned in the post: kinda sus the only two people who got this type of feedback#(she didnt get it QUITE so harshly but she got the feedback that she should be a little more considerate towards other students#which is still nonsense because literally like everyone else said she's the one we'd all come to if we ever had a problem)#but kinda sus that the only ppl getting this feedback are the two neurodivergents in the class#whatever. whatever whatever ive been crying im upset im somehow even more upset by one of my teachers being like#'this isnt ok esp this phrasing & i'm gonna look into this' like she's super nice and sweet and it does make me feel better#but its also like. confirmation that i SHOULD feel upset somehow? idk. oh it sucks so fucking bad#& i told one of the other ones about this in terms of like 'listen i have autism i dont always know how to interact w ppl#so when i do this or that this is what i mean' and she was like 'wow ive learned so much this discussion has enriched me'#werent the point bestie. the point was for you to please stop making assumptions when i am not the only person to react in this way#very unhappy right now. this has hurt me dot tweet
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streetsandsodiumlights · 4 months ago
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(tags from @no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist)
By the way "some aroace people still date and have sex" and "it's weird how internet spaces makes every single aroace character romance and sex favourable" can and should co-exist. Sincerely, an aroace person
#tags from prev#like……. yeah. that definitely sums up my feeling on it#at some point i think people heard ‘aspec characters can still date/have sex’ and took it to mean#‘I can still ship aspec characters as long as i mention they’re aspec sometimes’#when in reality if you’re going to ship aspec characters then you can’t do it in the same identical way#aspec people everywhere on the spectrum have complicated feelings on these things#and THATS what i want to see when someone starts shipping aspec characters. personally. i think they should be using those relationships as#a lens thru which to study the characters and how they’re unlike allo people#as an aroace person who has had a pretty complicated time sorting out my relationships with romance and sex#and how those things impact the committed relationship im in#and how those things interact with also being polyamorous#i would love to see people write aspec characters with at least SOME understanding and respect for their identities#show me how their identity changes how they interact with a partner. show me how they think about it#get weird with it. i never get to see romance-repulsed aros in stories. i never get to see aro people who aren’t ace#i never get to see people like me whose identities change moment to moment#show me how their *partner* thinks about it. if theyre with an allo person there are GOING to be feelings there. differences.#and if it's two aspec people together then it gets even MORE complex. how are they the same and how are they different#how does that change the dynamic? how do they talk about their relationship? how do other people perceive it?#please im starving. ive started talking about the things i want to see and now i cant live without it........#also. slightly different. pls more romance repulsed characters. make it more common to see around. this is important#people dont even realize that theyre determined to find ways to erase identities they dont understand instead of trying to understand them#i think on some level allo people 'get' the idea of being sex repulsed bc we live in a sex-negative society and they conflate the two thing#('oh you think sex is gross? yeah that's normal everyone thinks it's gross' is not a meaningful understanding of ace sex-repulsion)#but bc romance is so sweet and pure and good and everyone needs love to survive (said through gritted teeth)#people really struggle to accept or even acknowledge romance repulsion. i know in shipping communities it gets even harder#bc shipping is often ABOUT romance...#but i would still like to see people try. romance repulsed aroallo. romance repulsed friends who get to make faces at each other when peopl#mistake them for a couple. romance AND sex repulsed aroace who still gets meaningful analysis and screentime bc their life doesnt have to#revolve around romance and sex 1000% of the time forever#aspec people have written THE most interesting and compelling versions of some of my favorite characters of all time
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orcelito · 5 months ago
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There's also the impulse to be like "women ain't shit" but that's a lie I love our women. Not women as a whole's fault that one of them turned out a selfish bastard of a coward.
I just need to find a woman who doesn't treat me like That. Get me a good butch. I need me a good butch.
#speculation nation#id love a good butch who can pick me up and help move my furniture#and who is so sweet and treats me like im someone valuable (& not immediately replaceable ...)#the bar is actually so low. god why do i keep ending up dating assholes?#ex before this ex wasnt an asshole. i was the asshole in that situation.#but that's where the whole. wanting to find someone right for me comes in.#god 'ex' really is such a vague term for me. i got bad ex goth ex uhh other good ex but still sucked#nothingburger exes 1 2 3 4#and the gay awakening ex who i really shouldve given more attention to but unfortunately i was a stupid 16 year old#and broke up with her for my bad ex. alas.#and then theres milquetoast ex and uhmmm. well i actually dont know what im going to label my most recent one.#i dont think it's fully sunk in yet what happened. bc it really was so sudden.#i last saw her on thursday and everything was normal and nice. just like pretty much the whole of the 6 months with her.#and then she started hanging out with the coworker i guess. and the rest is history.#i think she lied about being busy spending time with friends to excuse why she was so distracted on the weekend.#she was probably busy spending time with that girl. who she apparently feels like shes suffocating if shes not in the same room as her#it does suck in a lot of ways. but also with her friends. i was trying rly hard to spend time with them and be liked by them.#one of them's moving into my building this next year. across from my unit. so i wonder how thats gonna go.#my ex mentioned how she'd be spending twice as much time here then just last saturday.#and now. well. like fuck she's coming in here anymore. but i wonder if i'll see her going to visit her friend.#id been kind of excited for it. looking forward to spending time with a neighbor too. but probably not anymore.#i do wonder what her friends will think. i hope she tells them the truth and they chew her out for being such an asshole.#literally breaking up with me over text. who fucking does that??? she didnt have the guts to hear me cry???#i'll make sure she sees the full force of my displeasure when she drops my gifts off tomorrow.#she used to like how rough around the edges i am. well she's gonna see just how rough around the edges i Really am.#i kind of. dont really want to see her. but i also do. i want her to look me in the face and talk to me#to see who it is she's dropping. to see how it has affected me. even if she didnt see my heartbreak as it happened.#i laid into her Hard so she knew just how badly she hurt me. so that she would feel even a fraction of my hurt.#so she would feel Guilty. she apologized over and over. said she knew she'd regret it. but she just Had to do it.#'this will be my life's regret' then why'd you do it? fucking impulsive dumbass. what bullshit.
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yongseungkim · 9 months ago
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#a lot of this came about too partially bc it was her black belt test right and like at the very end#she comes up to me and goes i didnt mention it in the speech but u were a part of why i got this today.#i was like aww i mean u didnt have to mention it and she was like yeah idc abt the rest knowing i just want u to know#so then we talked about it a little later as we were winding down for bed#and i was like congrats today and also for reaching out at the end i appreciate it#and she was like yeah i wanted to know bc i dont think youd have connectedthe dots#and i was like yeah i would have never guessed#(again to me in my mind im like ? idk how this girl sees me)#and she was like yeah youve made an impact in my life and im sure others as well#and i dont remember the exact words but smth abt how like ppl miss you when ur not there and all that#which caught me off guard i did start crying like i didnt know any of this#like how was i supposed to know any of this#so for me the next day idk i woke up and just spilled my anxieties and like#i cant tell if it was the right or wrong thing to do#im a little better in that like im not exactly anxious that she'll get mad at me for sayign this#but im more worried right now if its information she had to even know cuz its just my anxieties ? like#its not necessarily real its just how i perceive the world idk :((#i really hate feelings becasue i always think im wrong for having them.#and the sucky thing about anxiety is like if its not her itd be something esle for sure and i know that much like#idk man why is having friends SO CONFUSING#i was like damn if you feel like we are close and you miss me while im not there then whyyy do we not talk when in group settings#idk where i was going with any of this tbqh i just#i feel weird and anxious about it still#and i thought being open about some things would help but it hasnt not really
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pleasantboatpress · 1 year ago
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so, you wanted to start bookbinding?
so @princetofbone mentioned on my post for "factory settings" about wanting to know more about the binding style that i used for it. so i thought i might make a post about it.
i was as terrible as i always am for taking in progress shots, but i can link you to the resources i used in order to make my book. i would also like to point out that "factory settings" is my 120th bind, and i have been doing bookbinding as a hobby for just over 3 years now. unfortunately this means some of the methods that i used for that bind aren't particularly beginner friendly, just in terms of the tools and methods i have used, but i would love to point you in the right direction when it comes to resources. i dont say this to sound pretentious which i fear i might come across, just so that youre fully informed. getting into this hobby is fun and rewarding, but it can definitely be intimidating.
with that caveat, heres a list of links and resources that i have used for bookbinding in general, with additional links to methods i used specifically in regards to this bind.
ASH's how to make a book document. it gives you a great introduction into typesetting fics (where you format the text of fics to look like a traditionally published books) and then turning them into a case-bound book (the style i used for "factory settings"). it is comprehensive, and explains how to use microsoft word to do your bidding. it was invaluable to me when i was just starting out! currently i use affinity publisher to typeset/format my fics for printing, but i only bought and learned how to use that after i had been binding books for a year and a half. i made some beautiful typesets with word, and some of my close friends use it still and design stuff that i never would be able to in my wildest dreams (basically anything by @no-name-publishing)
DAS Bookbinding's Square Back Bradel Binding. a great style to do your first bind in! this method requires, when making the case, to attach the cover board and the spine board to a connecting piece of paper, which makes it so much easier to match the size of the case to the size of the text block (your printed out and sewn fic). using this method is what allowed me to get much more accurately fitting cases, and made me much more confident with the construction of the books i was making. a well-made book is something that is so wonderful to hold in your hands!
DAS Bookbinding's Rounded and Backed Cased Book. This is the specific method that i used to create my bind for "factory settings"! even before i could back my books, i found that watching DAS's videos in particular helped me see how books were traditionally made, and i was able to see different tips and tricks about how to make nicer books.
Book Edge Trimming Without... i trim the edges of my text block using my finishing press and a chisel i have sharpened using a whetstone and leather strop with buffing compound on it. i follow the method for trimming shown in this video!
Made Endpapers. i follow this method for my endpapers, as i used handmade lokta endpapers, and they can be quite thin, but they look beautiful! i used "tipped on" endpapers (where you have your endpaper and then put a thin strip of glue on the edge and attach it to your text block) i used for a very long time before this, but these feel like they are much more stable, as they are sewn with your text block.
Edge Sprinkling. this is the method that i used for decorating the edges of my text block. but the principle is basically clamping your text block tight and then sprinkling the edges. i do not believe you need to trim the edges in order to do sprinkles on the edges, and that's what makes it accessible! i personally just use really cheap acrylic paint that i water down and then flick it onto the edges with my thumb and a paint brush.
Double-Core Endbands. i sew my own endbands, which i followed this tutorial for. that being said, it's kind of confusing, and this video is a bit easier to follow, but it is a slightly different type of endband.
Case decoration. i used my silhouette cameo 4 to cut out my design for "factory settings" in htv (heat transfer vinyl). i also used my cameo 4 to cut out the oval of marbled paper on the front, as i honestly didn't want to try my hand at cutting an oval lol. i also glued some 300 gsm card with an oval cut out of the centre of it onto the cover before covering it with bookcloth, to get a kind of recess on the cover. i then glued the oval of marbled paper onto the top of the recessed area once it was covered with bookcloth, so that it was protected. the images i used were sourced from a mix of rawpixel, canva and pixabay. a more accessible way to get into cover decoration is by painting on a design for your cover as described in @a-gay-old-time's tutorial just here. or even doing paper labels, which look classy imo.
physical materials. sourcing these will depend on your country. i am located in australia, and have compiled a list with some other aussie bookbinders of places to buy from. here is a great post describing beginning materials for getting started binding.
@renegadepublishing. this tumblr is great! its what got me started bookbinding, and being in the discord has been inspiring, motivating, and honestly just one of the best online experiences i have ever had. it is full of resources, and most people in there are amateur bookbinders, with a couple of professionals thrown in. the discord is 18+, and anyone can join!
i'm sorry this post got so long, but i hope that this has a lot of information for you if you would like to get started bookbinding. its one of the best hobbies ive ever had, and i genuinely believe i will have it for the rest of my life.
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rxmxa · 3 months ago
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random astro observations part 13.✨
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✨just for fun im just talking random ass shit based on PERSONALL observations..✨
PART TWELVE. 📀
virgo risings and people getting intimidated by the way they speak (scorpio 3rd house). But then when you get know and befriend them theyre so sweet (pisces 7h, cancer 11h). My virgo rising bestie & when i first met her in college she was speaking in class and i was like woah shes smart asf and intense 😭
or sag risings and them speaking to people in a direct yet still obscure manner! or sometimes even cold in a sense.. like girl what do u really mean fr 🤨 (aqua 3h). But then you get closer with them and they love to chat with you (gemini 7h) and make anytime u hang out a pleasant and nice time (libra 11h). my sag rising friend throws the best parties (going all out with the decor, presentation of food, having a theme & ofc taking nice pics after… real libra 11h shit).
taurus risings and them communicating in a very soft, comforting manner (cancer 3h) and as you get closer you notice their intensity in their relationships with people (scorpio 7h) and their giving, helpful nature in their friendships (pisces 11h).
another thing about taurus risings, you can bet they are getting FREAKYYY with their partner with that scorpio 7h 😭they are very private with their relationships and rarely reveal personal details about it unless they trust you. my taurus rising cousin and she never shares anything about her bf (whats mine is mine you dont need to worry about it) energy. and she also has mentioned she doesnt need to give ppl a reason to try to found out for themselves what a great time shes having lmfaooo
also my taurus rising coworkers and one time we all went out for drinks and one of our coworkers was complaining about how women always have a shit time when having seggs with men and my taurus rising coworker was like “wellppp cant relate.”.. and i oop 🙈
the 2nd house rules the vocal chords and as an aries 2h sometimes when im excited or even mad i sound like a 12 year old 😭 like naruto when hes giving one of his NEVER GIVE UP NEVER BACK DOWNNN speech. I also feel like if you have scorpio or aries 2h people always think you're mad and want you to "calm down" when you talk. like no im not mad have you ever heard of being fucking passionate? hmmm?
In general, aries placements could also find they get a lot of patronizing comments or aries women could even find that men often try to "mainsplain" them. just bc aries are being assertive doesnt mean theyre being reckless or not seeing the big picture.. its all a balance. Aries DOES have this youthful /bold energy, but that doesnt mean they cant be wise people who prefer to learn by doing, even if others mistake their approach for inexperience..
we know plutonians can be seen as having this “abrasive” energy to other people. it can throw them off or make them be like “oh i dont like them.” but pluto doms recognize other plutonian people its that silent understand lmaooo its giving "real recognize real😎 " overall tho pluto dom ppl try to give others the benefit of the doubt (not necessarily bc they like them but just bc they wanna feel the energy on their own). like if people are talking shit about someone pluto doms might sit back and stay silent about it. they do their digging on their own. theyre not gonna let the crowd influence how they feel about someone. plutonians will be DOING THEIR DIGGING FIRST no matter what.
I remember a time when my cousin, who’s a Scorpio rising, asked me if I liked one of her friends (not in a romantic way). I said, 'Yeah, why?' and she replied, 'Oh, just asking because she said she feels like you don’t like her, but I knew she was overthinking it.'" We moved on from the conversation, but later, I realized that was such a typical Scorpio rising move. Instead of just telling me, 'Hey, my friend feels like you don’t like her,' she asked me that question first to confirm or deny it. I felt like she did that on purpose to make it harder for me to lie, even though I wouldn’t have lied in the first place. It annoyed me because, like, why would I lie about something like that??? But then I understood it’s just her nature. Scorpio risings ask questions in a detective ass way because they want to dig for the truth and feel out people’s responses.
plutonians and scorpios do that shit all the time, tilting their heads like little cats, squinting, being all like "oh..hmm, why do you think that?" like no im about to do this shit with u rn sherlock fuckin JONES u know WHYYY
in my moon aspects post ppl asked me if it still applied with “harminous aspects” and yes. it still does. just bc u think its easier doesnt negate the energy. for ex i have moon trine neptune and my mom (moon) has always been in her own world (neptune). and other family members find her energy “endearing” or ask me to “be kinder to her” but its also hard when your mom often times cares more about the world of what ifs in her head more than the real world with her daughter ... also my moms way of coping (moon) at times would literally be by saying in front of the family as soon she got home that she hates her life and wish she could “grow wings and be somewhere far away from everyone ” like delulu was always the solution for her 😭….
but also i wonder if people with moon-neptune placements feel confused (neptune) about motherhood (moon) in general. i use to say i didn't want kids but as ive gotten older i do like the idea of it. it just feels very....… [static noises]
nui.views on instagram reminds me of the aries-libra axis so much. Most of her videos have titles like “how to be soft and direct” or “how to balance sharp and soft expressions.” usually titles along those lines. We know theres always time to read the room (libra) but also knowing when its time to stand up or speak up! (aries) and nui.views basically says it’s possible to do both.
12h moons & their moms being their biggest enemyyy is crazy!! 🤨 the passive aggressive behavior, entitlement, hating from the sidelines. AND the expectation of the 12h moon child to “repay” or be “grateful” mother for all they did. my ex had a 12h scorpio moon and brooo anytime they got a good thing, mom would make it all about her (for ex they bought a new car, mom was LIVIDDDDD). the moon can show how mom takes advantage. for ex: scorpio moon in the 12h and mom (moon) is possessive about the resources (scorpio) you have or over you in general. taurus moon and mom (moon) is possessive about your money (taurus) or maybe even holds over your head that “she feeds you.” i have a coworker with a 12h taurus moon and her mom constantly borrows money from her or literally steals it and never pays it back. capricorn moon and mom may feel like your accomplishments belong to her or “you wouldn’t be successful without all i did” energy.
^ their can be a lot of enmeshment with the mom with this placement (especially if their is a moon-pluto aspect) but its something the 12h moon person has to decide to sever or break from on their own and on their own time. this placement has to deal with the “mother always knows best😊😊😊😊” energy
12th house Moon women and other women (Moon) being their hidden enemies (12th house) is so real! I remember at my old job, one of my coworkers had a 12th house Aquarius Moon, and all the women would talk so much shit about her behind her back. (To be fair, she wasn’t doing her job well, but their comments were just unnecessarily nasty.) I used to feel bad for her in meetings because everyone would act normal to her face. I wasn’t at that job long… With this placement, it's common for other women (whether friends, family, or acquaintances) to secretly harbor resentment, jealousy, or animosity that isn’t obvious on the surface. Plus, with 12th house placements, if the person is genuinely doing something wrong or needs feedback, instead of being honest, people often use that as an excuse to bring up unrelated complaints or things they don’t like, turning it into something bigger than it is!! Like girl how did you go from talking about her customer service skills to talking about her haircut be fr!
how do you guys feel about people who plan their pregnancies to get a sign/ birth chart they are compatible with for their child? not gonna lie I use to think that shit was crazy but then I think about the 12h synastry and squares I have with my mom and im like... this shii couldve been way cuter...
gemini placements are the people that wake up in the middle of the night to google a random fact. its a itch they gotta scratch 😭 me with my chart ruler gemini jupiter in the 3h. trying to do type a paper for a class in one sitting? well no i got sidetracked reading about how to defend yourself against bear attacks which led me to bear survival stories on reddit which led me to reading about polar bears which led me to finding an article about the farmer that got attacked and eaten by his own hog named teddy and then… boom . its 3am.
Its so hard though like we know the "jack of all trades" label that comes with mercurial energy but damn what if I just wanna be a jack of one trade and be really good at that one thing? I bounce around from thing to thing because im always getting these diff ideas but im really working on finishing something once I start it. its just hard.... sometimes I b having a lot to yap about, ya know? (ive had many diff hobbies, writing fan-fiction, painting, making candles, crocheting, LMAOOO its just chaos sometimes)
sometimes aspects can be very literal. im spilling some family tea sorry tia but for ex my aunt has venus conjuct pluto in the 10th house and her relationships (venus) are known for (10h) being taboo or just frowned upon (10h). She dated her besties ex-husband and it caused A LOT OF drama and then he fucking died bro...like?? Being known for (10h) her lovers (venus) dying (pluto)?????? im not trying to be a judgmental asshole but also its so disappointing though when people use aspects like this for evil? fucking ur besties man as soon as they get divorced? with that venus-pluto in the 10h she could've found herself a successful ass business man!
my bestie is a teacher and she was telling me about how the kids were sharing about what they wanna be when they grow up and when it got to this one girls turn she said she wanted to be a basketball player or some shit like that (the point is it was a very 5th grade response similar to her peers) but then like the kids started clapping when she said hers??? LMAOOOO and to me that is the most sun-venus SHIT EVER. and then she told me all the the 5th grade tea, how some of the boys have a crush on her haha. shes admired and well liked (venus) just for being who she is (sun)!
moon-venus is different. my experience with venus-moon aspect has consisted of women always feeling comfortable enough to confide me, me feeling more comfy with women around, children loving me, children in my family venting to me (im that one cousin the babies reach out to first to get picked up ejeje). the moon is about the inner self, privacy, and our home life. A moon-venus person might be very well-liked, but often in a more low-key, intimate way. They're the type of person you confide in or feel safe with, rather than someone who shines in the spotlight or dominates a social scene the way a sun-venus person would. both aspects make a person likable, but in different way. sun-venus is more about being confident and noticeable, while moon-venus is more about being caring and emotionally connected with others.
btw doing personalized astro observations in the style of the way i usually write my random ones but instead based on your birth chart 😙🥰
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