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weakformingyu · 16 days ago

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Everything has changed | H.J.

Pairing: Han Jisung x fem!reader

Summary: in a game party you find out that your friend, Jisung, might have a crush on you and after that night you might have developed a crush on him too.

Warnings: Han is a loser, awkwardness, jealousy, pool sex 💅🏻, pussy eating, unprotected piv(don't do this at home), a bit of handjob.

Words count: ±3,400

THIS CONTENT IS FOR +18 PEOPLE ONLY, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!!!!!!!!!

A/N: I have some weird ass writers block right now(have been like this for months 😭) but I'm not dead, I'm still alive and thinking about a hundred fics a day, I just don't seem to manage to write them 🤓☝🏻 anyways, this fic was inspired in this post because Han Jisung got some crazy biceps going on here and I'm on my biceps biting era soooo 💅🏻(don't come for me if it's trashy, I haven't written in a hundred years)

If you like my writing don't forget to reblog, comment and like too. xoxo love yall

“What do you think about Jisung?” Was the question Changbin asked when you chose truth in the game of truth or dare you were playing.

You smile sheepishly as all the boys stare at you excitedly and the girls have a little smirk on their lips, as if everyone knows something you don't.

“Hm, he's nice”, you shrug.

“You know that's not what he meant”, Ryujin says, raising a brow.

“Well, then be more specific”, you roll your eyes.

“Would you fuck him?” Karina asks, making the whole group gasp with her bluntness. Your eyes dart to Jisung, who's as red as a tomato, his bottom lips are stuck between his teeth while he stares at you anxiously.

“That's- I never thought about that, so I'm not sure”, you answer nervously. Seeing Jisung’s shoulders go down and a pout form in his lips.

“Then, there's your answer”, Karina shrugs, turning the bottle so someone else can go.

You were being truthful, you never thought about your friend in that way. You know he's handsome but you always avoid having second intentions with someone so close to you because you don't want to lose a friendship.

However, after that day and after seeing Jisung's reaction to your answer, you can't shake the feeling that maybe he's into you. You constantly catch his gaze lingering on you, when you guys are alone he keeps stuttering and even when your other friends are around, he treats you differently from them.

A few weekends after that night, Chan invites everyone to a get together in his house so everyone's going to sleep there after. Karina, Ryujin and Lia stop by your house in the early afternoon to get you so you can all go to Chan's together. When you get there, the guys are in the pool playing some sort of game, Felix and Changbin are on top of two floats, fighting while Minho is attacking Changbin with his water gun and Jisung is in the middle of both.

You stop in your tracks, watching as Jisung holds Changbins thighs, his biceps are deliciously showing and flexing as the older man falls out of the float and the younger one catches him, grabbing his bottom slightly but you can't help but wish you could be the one being grabbed by him like that.

Yes, you weren't lying that night when you said you had never thought about Jisung in that way. The problem is, that after you did, you couldn't stop. Everything he did from that night onwards caught your attention. His eyes on you, his lips, the way he smirks when someone says something dirty and he thinks no one's paying attention. The way every piece of fabric he wears hugs his body like it was made just for him. Your girlfriends are already onto you, they know something is off and they have the feeling that you finally opened your eyes to the puppy in love in your group of friends, but they decided not to say anything for now, afraid that they are going to scare you off and make you bury your new found attraction for Jisung deep in your heart, afraid to ruin your friendship.

You shake your head, listening to what the others are talking while you go inside to put your things in the guestroom Chan has prepared for you.

You spend the afternoon mostly just sunbathing while observing the guys joking around and other people arrive little by little taking your attention away from the pool.

While you eat, you can't help but notice a blonde laughing too loudly, catching your attention. She pushes Jisung playfully, throwing her head back, making you huff annoyed, you're sure what he said isn't even that funny.

“I'm gonna get some more beer, does anyone want something from the kitchen?” Jisung gets up, asking around.

“I'll help”, the blonde smiles, following him after some people ask for their beverage of choice and your eyes linger on his figure, as he walks away with the beautiful girl.

“Oh, y/n, can you get some more napkins for us?” Ryujin asks. You frown, you're sure you just saw a mountain of napkins somewhere but you have no idea where it went as you look around and can't find it.

“Sure”, you nod, getting up to go to the kitchen.

As soon as you enter the house you can hear the giggles coming from the kitchen. You take a deep breath trying to gather the courage to go inside and see something you're not sure you want to.

The girl is close to Jisung, too close for her own good, attached to his arm, practically hanging on to him. You scowl, feeling the blood in your body boiling, if you weren't sure about your feelings for your friend, you are damn sure now seeing as you're basically foaming at the mouth with the view right in front of you.

Jisungs gaze lands on you immediately when you enter the kitchen, his eyes grow wide and he takes a step back, detaching himself from the girl.

“Am I interrupting?” You ask, knowing well that you are and ignoring the glare the blonde gives you.

“Ye-” she tries to say, but is cut off by the man whose gaze hasn't left your figure since the moment you arrived.

“No”, he gulps, “what are you looking for?” Jisung asks.

“Napkins”, you say, tilting your head and leaning over the counter. Your elbows rest on the surface, purposely bringing attention to your chest.

“Just a minute”, Jisung gulps, turning around and opening the fridge. He takes out four cans of beer and gives it to the blonde. “You can go back first, I'll bring the rest in a minute”

She looks at him for a whole 10 seconds, stunned and then huffs, marching out of there.

“Your girlfriend is lovely”, you tease him, walking around the counter to get closer to him.

“She's not my girlfriend”, he laughs sheepishly, “we were just talking”

“I'm sure you were”, you say sarcastically and stare at him for a moment. “So? The napkins?” You ask.

“Oh, yeah! Yeah! Here”, he says, turning around to open the door to the cabinet on top of the sink.

Jisung’s arms look especially strong when he's flexing like that to pull the packages, it's something so mundane but it makes you blush the same way. He closes the door after and hands the products to you. “I'm going to get the beer for the others and follow you in a moment”

You nod, realizing that everything is different now that you know that you like your friend. You like Han Jisung.

You wake up the next morning feeling like shit, you tossed and turned in your bed until you finally fell asleep. You thought about all the things that could go wrong now that you liked one of your friends. What if things didn't work out between you two, you're sure it would cause a rift on your friend group.

Most people went home after midnight, Chan lets only his close friends crash in his house so you know everyone that stayed the night. Lia is by your side, yapping about what you're planning to do in the afternoon while you bite into your bread and try to not freak out when Jisung shows up in the living room. You keep avoiding his eyes, like you're guilty of something, and you definitely are, guilty of liking one of your friends.

In the afternoon you go out with Ryujin, Felix and Hyunjin, you all wanna walk around in the city and buy some clothes you definitely don't need. In the car you stare outside, your friends notice you're dozing around but prefer to wait for you to tell them if something is wrong.

After buying a new bikini, you just accompany your friends in their shopping spree. When you have no more room in the car for any more bags, you finally sit to get something to eat and while you wait for your order, you seize the opportunity to ask what's been on your mind in the last hour.

“Does Jisung like me?” You ask, you want to be sure that he doesn't want to just sleep with you.

“Where did that come from?” Felix frowns.

“That night I was asked if I would sleep with him”, you blush, “I was just wondering if he likes me or just finds me attractive”

Below the table, your fingers are pressing and scratching one another, you're nervous.

“I thought it was pretty obvious”, Hyunjin says, shrugging and getting elbowed by Felix.

“I don't think we are supposed to talk about that”, the younger one smiles awkwardly.

“Oh, please. It's not like the guy has made any effort to keep it a secret”, Ryujin rolls her eyes. “Clearly y/n likes him, that's why she wants to know”, your friend completes, laughing as your eyes grow wide. “It's not like you are making any effort to hide it either”

“Yes, he likes you”, Hyunjin says, ignoring Felix’s worries, “but he was very disheartened after that night when you said you never thought about him in that way”

‘It's a lie, but you don't need to know that’, he thinks to himself. Hyunjin is much more experienced in the love field, opposite to you and Jisung, so he knows you just need a little push for things to start working out and he doesn't mind being the one shoving you to each other.

“Oh”, that's all you can say.

That means maybe he doesn't like you anymore, right? That girl from the other night was very pretty, maybe she's his new type. She looked very girly and soft, you don't know if you would be considered any of that. Most importantly, she was clearly interested in him, maybe he wants to go after someone who doesn't reject him in front of everyone he knows.

You toss and turn once more in bed, Ryujin is sleeping right next to you and you're afraid of waking her up because you can't sleep. Your mind is so full of thoughts, a million per hour and you just can't stop thinking about how you ruined everything with the guy you like.

Even with the AC turned on, you're still hot and since you don't want to wake up anyone, you silently grab your bikini, putting it on before going to the pool.

You didn't expect to find Jisung there, he's just floating in the water with a pout on his lips and eyes closed, maybe he fell asleep?

You sit comfortably on the edge of the pool, putting only your feet in the water and watching Jisung. After a few minutes of complete stillness, the man opens his eyes, taking a deep breath and sinking into the water.

He comes back a few seconds later, back turned to you and you can't help but watch him. His back is muscular, broad shoulders with a tiny waist. When he turns around, he flinches, seeing you there, staring at him.

“I didn't mean to scare you”, you chuckle.

“It's fine”, he scratches the back of his head, “I thought I was the only one still awake”

“It's really hot, I couldn't sleep”, you say, it's not the whole truth but you're not sure if you want him to know that he's the reason you're still wide awake.

He nods, awkwardly looking around while his hands play with the water. Since that game, you both have been feeling weird near each other, you for discovering these new emotions towards your friend and him for being embarrassed that you knew about his one sided crush.

‘Maybe it's worth it’, you think to yourself. He already risked it all when he let you know about his crush, it's not the end of the world if he doesn't like you anymore, you just have to ask.

“About that night…”, you ask out of nowhere with a courage you have no idea where it came from. “Do you still like me?”

Jisung opens his mouth a few times, closing it right after, not knowing what to say. He takes a deep breath before answering.

“I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable or anything”, he sighs.

“Do you still like me?” You frown, repeating your question.

“Yeah, I do”, he shrugs, embarrassed.

“I never thought about you that way before”, you say, seeing the pout growing in his lips, “but after that night I kinda did”

Jisung stares at you for a minute before speaking again.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I like you back”, you feel your whole face heating while you wait for him to react. You both are still far from each other, Jisung in the middle of the pool while you're at the edge. His eyes grow wide and his lips open like he has something to say but doesn't know how.

He starts coming close to you, your heart beating faster as the distance between you both lessens, until the man stops in front of you, his hands landing on each side of your thighs but still not touching.

“Can you repeat that?” He blushes, “I don't want you to say you like me back just because you pity me”, he bites on his bottom lip and you smile. You cup his face with your hands, bending down so you can kiss him. His lips are soft and he tastes good, sweet, like something you would never get tired of. His hands finally touch your skin, sliding to your thighs and squeezing the plushy flesh.

“If you knew me at all, you'd know I would never lie about liking someone”, you let go of him, smiling and giving him a peck before growing the distance between your faces.

“I just really like you”, he blushes, biting his bottom lip, finally letting his gaze travel down your body, going through your tits pushed up by the bikini top and going down your stomach, until it reaches your bikini bottom, his hands squeezing your thighs even more to the view of your body in front of him.

“Is that so?” You smirk, “show me then”, you smile, bending down to whisper in his ear. “Show me how much you like me”

Jisung doesn't waste any time, grabbing your face with only one hand and squeezing your cheeks, kissing you harshly. His other hand slides up, pulling the strings of your bikini bottom so he can untie the bow. He pulls away from you, leaving kisses down your neck, he has his hand down on your pussy, putting on a finger and watching your reaction to it.

You moan, grinding your hips against his hand so you can feel him deeper. Jisung has his mouth slightly opened, dazed with the little whimpers you let out when he adds another finger inside you. Your hands go instantly to his shoulders, nails burying in his skin while his other hand unties the top of your bikini, freeing your tits. Jisung watches them bounce with his bottom lip stuck between his teeth. He can't help himself, coming closer, his mouth closing on your left breast, his tongue playing with your nipple, making you moan.

His thumb slides to your clit and you bite on your bottom lip, trying not to make too much noise — at least not more than you're already making.

The man smiles, kissing down your stomach, getting closer to your pussy and you can feel his breath hitting the skin, making you tremble.

He licks a stripe between your folds, your hands fly to his hair pulling the locks. Jisung's hands slide to your thighs, pulling you more to the edge of the pool. Putting your legs over his shoulders and grabbing your ass so he can eat you out more intensely.

He looks like a man starved, the way he groans and moans just by feeling your taste. Jisung is so turned on he could come just by feeling your tight pussy in his mouth. The sounds you make are divine, he can't believe he gets to hear you like this, because of him, just for him.

“I- I'm gonna-”, you can't even finish your sentence, moaning the moment you try to say more than three words.

“Come for me, baby”, he stops eating you out just to say it, going back to work as soon as the words leave his mouth, he stares at you intensely from down there, working even harder and making you come undone in his mouth.

You take a few deep breaths, eyes closed. You can't believe how good he's at this and it also makes you a bit jealous, how did he get so good?

You watch as the man cleans around his mouth with his thumb, immediately taking the finger to his mouth to lick it clean and you hold the moan that wants to escape your mouth.

“Do you want to keep going?” He asks, not expecting you to but hoping that you do.

You nod, untying the other side of your bikini bottom, throwing the piece of fabric behind you.

You take Jisung's hands in yours, guiding them to your waist as you push yourself into the water. The man holds you, kissing your lips as soon as you are close enough to him. You can feel his hard cock pressing against your thighs when he pulls you towards him, wanting to feel your body on his and you can feel the heat growing all over your body again.

You slide your hand inside his shorts, grabbing his dick and making him whimper in your mouth. You bite on his bottom lip, your hand makes movements of back and forth, making Jisung bend down and bite your shoulder, trying to suppress his moan. You groan, it feels good having him so close to you, marking you as his.

You pull his shorts down all the way down, pushing yourself up and wrapping your legs around his hips. Jisung grabs his cock, rubbing his tip on your entrance, slightly teasing your clit.

“Are you sure about this?” He groans, trying to control himself, “after this I won't let you go”

You nod, closing your eyes in anticipation.

“Words”, he whispers, barely being able to hold himself back.

“Fuck.me.now”, you say with gritted teeth, opening your eyes to stare at him, holding onto his shoulders when he finally enters you.

You feel like heaven when he's inside you, your velvet walls tightening around him make him groan.

“Shit”, he cusses, biting on his bottom lip. “You're so hot”, he gets closer, kissing you deeply. His lips are so soft, you could never get over it.

Jisung starts thrusting, wrapping his arms around your waist to bring you closer, fucking you deeper.

Your hands slide to his hair, pulling the locks while his lips go down your neck. He bites on your skin, sucking the area until it's red and you're sure it's gonna leave a mark. One of his hands goes to your clit, rubbing the bud, making you get closer to your climax.

“I'm close”, he says, his thrusts faster and his fingers working diligently.

“I'm close too”, you say, kissing him, feeling his thrusts getting sloppier. You feel the hot liquid being spilled inside you, but he doesn't stop. Jisung keeps going, putting more pressure into your clit until you're trembling around him. He whimpers in your mouth, his hips faltering and both of your breaths growing tired.

He rests his head on your shoulder for a few seconds, before moving away from you, staring at you like you're going to fight him and run off.

“I guess you like me a lot”, you smirk, watching him blush and smile.

“Do you wanna go out with me?” He asks, biting on his bottom lip.

“I thought you'd never ask”, you smile, giving him a peck on the lips. “I even already have the reason for our first fight”, you raise one brow, laughing as his eyes grow wide.

“What?”

“You are going to have to explain to me how you got so good at eating pussy”, you tease and he smiles.

“I guess I'm just a natural”, he shrugs, making you shake your head in amusement and kiss him.

You could get used to this, you definitely can.

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vyva-melinkolya · 1 month ago

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we all agree that the push towards short form, vertical video (tiktok/reels/shorts) is ruining fucking everything right? Tiktok has been useful for the dissemination of political information (e.g Gaza) i’ll give it that, but that feels moreso a result of meta and twitters algorithms being just a little *more*’evil and censor happy. And i want to make it very clear that my hatred for tiktok has nothing to do with the fact that it was a product of a Chinese company, because i see a lot of critiques relying on some sort of sinophobic conspiracy. On the contrary, it’s what tiktok has become in the vacuum of western popular culture and marketing that makes me fearful.

I know that every generation faces a new, polarizing technology and inevitably, there are those among said generation who will critique it. That is the nature of things. However, there is also something to be said about how, with the acceleration of technology (running parallel to the acceleration of capitalism, acceleration towards collapse etc), each coming generation faces an increasingly more malevolent “advancement”. TLDR, i’m going to talk my shit.

I’m going to speak on the aspect that is most relavent to me, as a musician. I am petrified by what short form video is doing to music and to musicians. I think that tiktok provides the illusion of making music and being a musician more “accessible” while actually pouring gasoline on the fire that the pop music machine had already started. Standards for what popular culture “expects” from music are being doubled and tripled. Let’s talk about song length. Success and marketability favoring shorter songs is not something new, it has been the trend for decades. But with short form video, it goes even further. You’re not just hearing the same song over and over on the radio, you’re hearing the same 15-30 seconds of the same song over and over again. This in-turn, starts to influence the way people write music, persuading people to make songs that *could* have that 15 second appeal. There is an art to pop music, there is an art to writing a catchy hook—this is something else. We weren’t meant to hear or understand music like that. There are so many songs from reels that i found annoying, until i heard them in their full context. It’s insidious. It makes everything feel like a fucking commercial, even if nothing is being advertised.

I’m going to pull directly from someone else’s experiences, someone who’s music seems to be everywhere on short form videos. The ambient musician My Head Is Empty has a hundred million streams on the song “i was only temporary”. Despite that exposure, they experience “never ending copywrite issues” and have “received death threats” by people who refuse to credit them when using their song. Pulling a quote here, from a comment on their own post

“vyva_melinkolya unfortunately it just gets worse. i saw a bot content page that steals pod cast footage and spams dozens of videos with my song stolen, comment on a "motivation" spam content , who actually made a post telling people the name of my song, and the previous page i mentioned, the pod cast spam commented on that video saying "Bro stop don't give out the sauce. this audio helps me pull numbers brooo" - so people are actively INTENTIONALLY stealing it and telling people to not credit me. like. u can't make this stuff up”

Beyond this, My Head Is Empty feels frustrated that despite all this exposure, the rest of their work (nine albums) as a musician remains under appreciated, and i think that frustration is 100% valid. People cannot fully appreciate music, or even understand it as a work of art created by another human, when it’s taken so far out of its context. Again, the soul being sucked out of art by “the machine” isn’t anything new but, this is a whole other level. Being a musician is more expensive than ever, streaming earns you fractions of a cent etc, it all feeds into itself.

When a song or a musician i love deeply finds its way on to tiktok (let’s use Duster’s “Stars Will Fall”, one of my favorite songs ever as an example)I am not upset that i cant “gatekeep” it anymore. I’m not upset by the idea of something I love and hold dearly finding a larger audience. I AM upset in the manner in which it is being disseminated. I’m upset with art I hold dear to me being chopped up and used as “trending audio”. When I saw Duster in concert recently, lStars Will Fall” was the song I was most looking forward to hearing. It was the last song they played, and it was the song seemly everyone chose to talk loudly over. The audience was mostly people my age and younger. This complaint might come off as petty or pretentious or cliche, i frankly do not give a shit.

Let’s talk about how musicians are expected to promote music on tiktok/reels. This is a matter of opinion, at the risk of sounding very pretentious: the “POV we are x band from x” “My label says i need x followers before x” “posting this video until c musician notices me”. I understand that some of it is in jest but, what the fuck? When did this become the norm? I do not blame anyone for promoting their music like this, but we should want more for ourselves. I’ve always said being a musician is deeply embarassing, inherently. If being a musician is inherently embarassing then what is this? I dont have a solution for this, and the music industry has always been ugly and bloodthirsty and seldom fruitful— but i feel like the very small amount of dignity we had as artists is now lost and I cant fucking stand it. Artists seem to promote the same single with dozens of reels over the course of months, hoping that something sticks. I dont want to sound like i’m shaming or, again, sound like i can provide a solution. I’m just very fucking sorry that it seems like this is “the way”. And personally, i’m scared that if i dont “get with the program”, im going to fail.

Again, all of this speaks to larger trends in entertainment industry and even larger trends in capitalism. But i’m just airing specifics right now because frankly? I cant take it anymore.

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3amfanfiction · 26 days ago

Note

You wrote this about Simon: “At this lieutenant, already chewed up and spit out by the world. More scars than skin at this point. You wonder how many people only see the scars and not the shivering body underneath it, waiting for a soft touch.”

I’d LOVE to read more of this - i wanna be the one to offer him the soft touch he wants so badly, maaaan! He’s just so big n’ strong but i want to let him curl up against me while i pet him until he stops shivering

This came through at the perfect time. I had the desire to write but I was picking at all my wips half heartedly bc none of the them were what I wanted.

But this? This I wanted.

So thank you again and please enjoy 1.5k words of acclimatizing Simon to soft touches.

<33

Ask referencing this post.

~~~~

He scared you, the first time you saw him.

Not because of how big he was (tall, thick, muscular) or the look in his eyes (cold, dismissive, too watchful), not even because of the scars themselves (numerous, expansive, tragic).

It was because you knew any interaction would come across as a threat. He had that look in his eyes that said he'd seen the worst of what the world had to offer and he persisted through luck and spite equally. Now he was sat in front of you, too disciplined to let his skin shiver but hating being seen. Hating that you were looking.

When you met him it was through a friend of a friend sort of thing. One of your friends was seeing a Scottish boy and invited you out for drinks with them. You had no reason to say no so you found yourself sitting at a high-top doing your best not to bother the man sitting quietly to your right.

His gruff, Simon, during introductions was the only thing he had said in the last hour, content to sit quietly and watch. Almost outside of the group even though he was sitting at the same table. You made sure to include him when you were speaking to the group, your eyes darting to each person as you spoke, not leaving anyone out. But you made sure to never direct a hard question at him that required an answer. It was all, I bet you never have a problem seeing over the crowd. or I'll grab everyone a drink while I'm up or Sorry, I'll be out of your space in a moment, my jacket was getting a little warm.

He would look at you. Every time you spoke to him he wouldn't shy away from eye contact but that was where his involvement ended. Never a head nod or shake, never a verbal answer.

By the end of the night you were positive he didn't like you. He didn't dis-like you but he didn't like you, you were pretty sure. That was okay though. You'd done your best not to infringe on his space, not wanting to step on his toes. You thought you had done a good job all around and put it out of your mind, the interaction over and done with and no longer needing to be reviewed.

What you never realized was Simon's shoulders lowered a whole inch throughout the course of the night.

\\\

You called your friend out on the number of times she invited you to hang out with Johnny and Simon, flat out asking if she and Johnny were trying to set you and Simon up through subtle double-dating.

"No!" She leaned forward grabbing your hand, her eyes looking earnestly into yours, "I promise it's not like that. Johnny told me he's pretty much all Simon has. Well, their team is. So they're always together when they're home. I don't want Simon to feel like a third wheel or left out or anything."

And you believed her. This was one of her strong suits, always looking out for others. That's probably why you two got along so well, a pair of givers, the both of you. And she had a point. The idea of Simon sitting awkwardly with the other two as his only companions made something twist in your stomach. You didn't want that for him.

So you kept seeing Simon and you kept doing your best to give him space but include him at the same time. You were shocked the first day he spoke to you but the fact that it was a bad joke made a sort of perfect sense.

"What's the best way to carve wood?"

You looked over at him in shock that this was what he chose to break the ice with. At the same time you were delighted and you couldn't help but feel giddy at the prospect of Simon telling you a joke. A bad one by the sound of it.

"How?"

"Whittle by whittle."

"That was absolutely terrible."

He smiled to himself if his eye crinkles had anything to say about it. That giddy feeling bubbling up inside you was getting unsettlingly big right about now. You looked at the ground and bit your lip to keep from a cheesy grin of your own breaking out.

Before you knew it he had no problem speaking to you. While never particularly verbose, he would respond to comments directed towards him, offer his opinion if options were offered, and kept telling awful jokes.

You were hopelessly charmed.

You broke your own rules and reached for him first.

You were sat next to him on a bench, the sun setting and the evening air cooling further. He had told you another one of his god-awful jokes when you unthinkingly swatted out with your hand, brushing his arm. His muscles jumped and his arm tensed right before you made contact as if bracing for a hit. An involuntary reaction to someone reaching for him. It was a horrifying realization.

You sobered quickly and your chuckle died off awkwardly. You turned to face forward, looking out at the street, watching for any sign of your friend or Johnny who had stepped into the store for a quick moment leaving you and Simon to find a bench while you waited. You hoped that if you didn't draw attention to it then your faux pas would pass unmentioned.

You let out a relieved sigh when Simon continued with another comment, not taking your overstepping to heart. By the time the other two had rejoined you the whole situation was forgotten, water under the bridge. You didn't think of it again until it was the end of the night with everyone about to go their separate ways.

When you said goodbye to Simon he said it back, reaching out to brush his hand down your arm in return in almost the exact same spot as where you'd touched him earlier.

Your heart skipped a beat before picking up a double pace. You couldn't help but beam at him, a wide grin splitting your face even as he grunted and turned away, likely embarrassed by your show of emotion.

Today had been a good day after all.

You thought you had ruined it for a moment there, thankful when Simon seemed to brush past it. You hadn't expected him to reciprocate in the same manner though.

Maybe he really did like hanging out with you. You never doubted it for a second.

\\\

It took time–a slow steady build to where you ended up, curled up on the couch together with Simon laying on top of you. You both had your tops off to bask in a little skin-to-skin time.

You'd been together for a few months at this point and it was like night and day to compare him to the Simon you met all that time ago. This one couldn't keep his hands off you to save his life. It was a slow warm-up to get past his walls in a way that wasn't upsetting to either of you. Soft touches that slowly built, leading to hand holding, to hugging, to kissing, to this.

You dragged your fingers slowly up his back, fingertips catching on raised scar tissue before continuing on, ever moving. He hummed into the crook of your neck where he had buried his face when you switched from fingertips to nails, gently scratching the skin.

You loved spending time like this, feeling Simon melt into you, eager for every touch he could get. If you were sitting still and Simon was in the vicinity you could bet that he would be pressed against your side before too much time had passed. Eager for the soft caresses you always had for him.

He was starved for touch and you wanted to feed him.

So you offered, again and again in the beginning–most times with no luck, to let him touch you. On the couch watching TV? Your arms would open, inviting a hug when he walked by. At the table? Your head was tilting up for a kiss if he wanted one. Passing each other in the hallway? You'd raise your hand and hold it in front of you, letting him press his big barrel chest into your palm if he wanted.

It was a slow acclimatization that brought you to today and the taste was all the sweeter for the time you had poured into it.

You lifted a hand to drag it through the spiky hairs at the back of his head, enjoying his groan of contentment. It sounded like he was already halfway asleep and you knew you wouldn't be leaving this spot for a while.

Might as well settle in and get comfortable. You familiarized him to gentle touches, now he was insatiable for them. He would be consuming them from you greedily for as long as you offered.

#simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x you #i enjoyed writing this #asks #thank you nonnie for sending in this ask! i appreciate it more than you know #touch starved!simon riley #slow acclimatization #as it should be

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lokilysolbitch · 2 months ago

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wait okay so. if you stop viewing adhd as a focus issue and frame it as a internal dopamine functions aren't working issue. and if you need dopamine to do things. then. instead of thinking how can i make myself focus. you can just think how do i get external dopamine sources to make my brain machine go.

im not focusing because im not getting my internal reward im biologically supposed to get. that's why im unmotivated. i brush my teeth and i get no internal sense of satisfaction. so now i don't want to brush my teeth. if i'm not getting an internal sense of satisfaction for doing things then most tasks feel worthless. which can look like or turn into depression.

but then i find one source or one task with a bunch of dopamine like a certain fidget or hobby (recently it's been diamond painting for me) and suddenly im fine again because my brain is no longer starving. suddenly i can focus on my lectures playing in the background when im getting little hits of external dopamine from putting diamonds in the right spot. im getting the sense of satisfaction that everyone else was already getting.

or like. one day im trying to read a textbook and the words are just. not getting into my brain. so i give up and play genshin for a bit. i get dopamine in my brain. i turn back to the textbook. and suddenly. i can read again. i read for a few minutes and i'm not comprehending it anymore. i play genshin for a few minutes and then turn back to the textbook. and then i can read again. again.

people have already been saying this but it really clicked yesterday when i was trying to read a textbook for a class i love bc it's connected to a special interest but i didn't like the current chapter topic. so i wasn't getting any dopamine from the content. and of course i wasn't getting any dopamine from the act of completing the task of reading. and i was trying to think of ways i needed to multitask to focus. but i noticed i kept switching from tiktok to reading which helped. like id watch some tiktoks and there would be like a mental feeling of "okay we're at 100%" and is just toss my phone and start reading. like i didn't have to tear myself away from it.

i was literally feeding my brain. and just stopped once i got full. like putting gas in the car.

that's why i only use things if they have pretty colors or some sort of pleasing sensory input. that's where my dopamines coming from. that's why a sticker chart and playing music while brushing my teeth helped so much. to give me the sense of satisfaction i wasn't getting from my own brain.

that's why giving myself the rewards at the end of tasks didn't always work. you can't reward a car with gas if the tank is empty. i needed the dopamine to start the tasks, and more dopamine intermittently to continue longer tasks.

anyways. i'm gonna stop holding off from doing fun shit until after i finish tasks. bc in hindsight i always did better work when i put the fun stuff first. and i'm gonna stop wasting time waiting for my brain car to go when the tank was empty the whole time.

i left mid post for a little bit and came back and i didn't proofread this and it's also unfinished but i'm posting it now bc. i have DID i don't member exactly what i was tryna say. and personally i'm not reading all that.

TLDR: stop treating adhd like it's mainly a focus issue. treat it like dopamine is an external resource and it acts as gas for your brain car. how can i focus better❌ what satisfying thing can i do to help my brain initiate/focus on this task✅

#adhd #handmadeorganicpost #actually adhd

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livingformintyoongi · 7 months ago

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BTS fic recs

I wanted to do this a while ago, but felt like I hadn't read enough, until I checked my likes and got a shock to the face lol. I wanted to give some recommendations of some fics (and a series) that I quite enjoyed reading, plus leave a small review because I feel like it's very underrated to comment on what you like something (people, comment more, I swear it makes a writer feel so much better than a like). There's the occasional spoiler in the reviews, so I recommend you read it carefully or just skip the comment ^^.

Dawning by @wintaerbaer JJK

summary: He’s never invited into your world during these late night sessions. You always push him away or ignore him. This is new. warnings: heavy depictions of depression and panic attacks, a brief line where taehyung worries oc is s**cidal. I really loved this fic. For a moment I thought it was some kind of two shot or something, but it only has this one part. Still, I felt the author captured the emotions very well. It felt so realistic that even I was worried when Y/N disappeared lol.

Bottle up old love by @wintaerbaer KTH

summary: Jungkook may have broken up with you a year ago, but that's not going to stop him from coming to your rescue when he sees you being cornered by a creep. warnings: language, a short harassment scene at the beginning (nothing too intense), explicit content including: unprotected sex (DO NOT), fingering, praise kink, biting, marking, spanking, cum eating (sort of?), big cawk soft dom jk, cowgirl (yeehaw), creampie, cockwarming. This fic made me remember why I love the exes to lovers trope. I loved seeing Jungkook as a tattoo artist, it's like, I don't know, so him, anyway, I loved it. I just found this account yesterday in the wee hours of the morning and I'm already loving it <3.

Cat-astrophe & Cat-enaries by @dumpywrites MYG

Summary: Your pet cat keeps going to your neighbor’s apartment and it’s a problem. I fell in love with this Yoongi like you have no idea. When I just read the first part I was so eager to keep reading, seriously, I loved it, it deserves so much love.

Two Days by @dumpywrites JJK

Summary: He just wants you to give him two days. He'll take you on a few dates and you'll decided if you actually like him? Or not? I live for Jungkook being simp of the reader, I feel it's so real lol. This fic made me feel so warm inside, it was too cute to read. It's kind of like my comfort fic.

S'more than friends by @borathae MYG

Warnings: subby!Yoongi, switchy!Reader, consumption of beer, so much awkward tension, jealousy, sex in a tent, mutual masturbation, handjob, fingering, making out aye, Yoongi loves her boobs and she loves his butt it’s a win-win, sex while other people are sleeping, public sex, she has a thing for his hands (but what’s new lmao), fluffy post-orgasm talks because I’m soft. I read it a while ago now, but I remember when I did I felt so soft. This Yoongi is just too cute.

Please don't go by @httpjungkookcom JJK

Summary | Jungkook’s never kept anything from you, ever. Not even the time where he tripped and accidentally kicked your dog, or when he fucked the most popular girl in high school and couldn’t make himself cum (poor guy was embarrassed for weeks), or when he accidentally rubbed all of his acceptance letters in your face without realizing. To put it short, Jungkook is an open book to you. So when he suddenly disappears, there’s a lot to question. Even more to question when he finally gets back and won’t tell you anything, going as far to avoid you. You’re on a mission to figure it out, even if it kills you. Index | Jungkook is so smart, but so stupid at the same time. Jungkook is not sly in the slightest. Kind of angst, fighting, arguing, bickering, etc. Criminal activity, it’s a Spider-Man fic. Injuries and mention of blood. College setting and age, reader and Kook share the same major. Some cute fluffy moments in between all of the action. Aunt Yoon is essentially Aunt May in the Marvel story line. Spiderkook, is more needed to read this fic? It was the first one I read about this au and I was WONDERED. God, you can't imagine how much I loved it. I thought it was so cute the way Jk approached reader being in his suit….

Accidental roommates by @jjkeverlast JJK

summary: moving apartments is stressful and difficult enough as it is. all the planning and packing and multiple moments of rearranging furniture; all you crave is peace. yet it seemed like peace was far within reach as the owner of the apartment had left out one tiny crucial detail from the ad — a ripped tattooed adonis, coupled, with a tiny baby daughter will come as your roommate. warnings: second hand embarrassment | jungkook's abs | annoying antics | suppressed feelings | both of them are stubborn and petty (it's gets tiring lmfao) | mentions of past relationships | a lot of time stamps | sexual tension | ft. namjoon 👀 | !constant change of perspective between reader and jungkook. I have a tremendous weakness with dilf, no matter who it is, I just love them. I think this was the first one I read by Jungkook. It was so fun and easy to read that the 14.7k words flew by for me.

Silk & Stones by @taegularities KTH

Summary: “Taehyung was a writer… he was a writer indeed.” Kim Taehyung knows his way around words – they cast a spell on your heart and mind, leave you gasping dangerously fast. Until the mystery behind his persona unveils and his touch, along with his words, becomes a vivid memory. warnings: writer + violinist tae 🥺 who’s a gentleman in the 19th century, brief mention of injuries/a mental institution, misunderstandings, heartbreak, secrets, grief, much poetry (and my attempt at writing a poem, pls spot), much disgoosting fluff, flirting and lots of sexual tension; explicit sexual content: 2 sex(y) scenes, fingering on a boat, choking, teasing, begging, praising, soft dom!tae, big dick!tae, tiddie fondling/sucking, some manhandling, dirty talk, they’re just so cute :((, oral (f. and m. receiving), some masturbation, oc is into neck kisses, some biting, fingering, hair pulling, asking for permission :(, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (it’s the 19th century...), aftercare; there’s quite some angst ok; lmk if i forgot smth !! This was a work of art for me. I felt so immersed in the story, so confused by the time changes and everything surrounding Taehyung, but I loved it, one of the best stories I've read of Taehyung since I joined tumblr.

17 going on 27 by @hansolmates JJK

summary; one second, you’re sobbing at prom because the most popular guy in school dumps you due to your relationship being a little prank to break your heart. the next? you’re a creative editor at Ego, the hottest young adult fashion magazine. as you try to figure out what’s the deal with this sudden time skip into adulthood, you come across relationships and friendships that are made to be cherished and made to be broken. genre/warnings; fluff, crack, future enemies to lovers, teenage and adulthood angst, time skips from high school!au to late twenties!au, 13 going on 30!au, all your romantic movie tropes come to life! a really big mess honestly, various movie and music references, mentions of sex, use of alcohol, everyone give jin and jimin a big ol hug, language, a surprise guest from the queen of england. I love adaptations, especially ones that add their own touch, and the writer did it so well. She made me hate Jungkook, and then love him, and then hate him again, in the end I ended up resenting him, I wanted reader to stay with Jin lol, but I still loved it. Definitely my favorite part was having Jimin as a best friend, I loved watching him take on Jungkook in the car. We all need a friend like him.

Hot Bot by @httpjeon JJK/PJM/KTH/JHS

JJK: You order a sex robot online after getting a coupon for half off. however, there’s something strange about yours. PJM: Fear is primal and causes one to make stupid decisions. KTH: Your parents have a gift for you, however, there’s been a mistake. JHS: As a product tester, you have one of the most sought after temporary positions in Hot Bot Inc. This is a series that has smut, I think the name gives it away. It's rather sad that the writer is on hiatus, but he left the gems of his works open to the public. The series is pretty good, I fell in love with Jungkook (and Yoongi kskjdsksjds). Highly recommended.

The proposal by @hansolmates JJK

summary; Jeon’s the editor-in-chief for Big Hit Publishings, a closet romantic with a penchant for antagonizing his assistant on the reg. When his work visa is in the process of being renewed and he takes a trip to Norway, his eligibility to stay in America is on the line. However Jeon Jungkook doesn’t go without a fight, and in order to save his job he offers you a proposal you can't refuse. genre/warnings; the proposal!au, fake marriage au, enemies to friends(!!!), friends to lovers, bouts of flangst, dry humping, slight blood but not too bad, lang, alcohol, poor jjk discovers he has the ability to feel emotion, poor y/n is in the middle as always. I was looking for an adaptation of this movie for so long that when I found this one I almost cried with emotion. I LOVED the movie and the concept it had, and I was so happy to read this fic that captures that very romcom essence that the movie has. I loved it.

Marshmallows and report cards by @untaemedqueen KTH

Warnings: Impreg Kink, Marking, Cunnilingus, Fingering, Birthday Sex, Spitting, Begging, Praise, Fellatio, Face Fucking, Big Dick!Tae, Multiple Orgasms, Unprotected Sex, Possessive!Tae, Cock Warming, Creampie. I already confessed, this kind of fics get to me. I remember reading it and melting with the ending. I read it a long time ago, so I can't give a longer opinion, but I do remember that I loved it and came out internally squealing after I finished it.

Orange tulips by @kainks JJK

Summary: You’d remember Jungkook with every life you lived. Only he’d never remember you, never recall how your fates were written in the stars since the beginning of time. Genre: Angst. Fluff. Light Smut. The anxiety and helplessness I felt reading this fic are on another level. This scarred me, I read it once and I was never the same person again. It was wonderful, I felt so many things and I was so nervous during the whole reading that I almost didn't even realize when it was over. It is a very enjoyable fic.

What if I love you too much? by @taleasnewastime

Summary: Jungkook. It’s only a name you learn after your son kicks his ball over the fence. Before that you only knew him as the hot new neighbour who mows his lawn topless. And though you have no intention of getting to know him anymore than that, inevitably you do. You don’t necessarily fall, it’s too slow for that, but you definitely develop feelings you don’t intend to feel. Because you know men like him, and you know that whatever you’re feeling, he’s probably not feeling the same. All the same, however hard you try, you can’t help yourself. Warnings: Single mum, small fights, explicit sexual content, oral (f receiving), safe penetrative sex, reader thinks Jungkook is cheating/playing the field, angst, but also fluff, child gets injured (though not seriously), talks of cuts and a small amount of blood. This fic left me feeling bad, it even made me question some future decisions regarding my relationship with my future partner and the necessary communication that must be had in a relationship from the beginning, especially if there is a child in the middle. It was something I really enjoyed reading, and even though I had my internal dilemmas with Jungkook, the drabbles in the story helped me a lot to let go of my grudge (I swear I have nothing personal with him sksjkajskajsj).

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celestie0 · 6 days ago

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hi my friends! hope you're all doing well. just wanted to come on here and share a little updates w you guys (if you're still here lol)

i guess it's been like a month n a half since i formally went on hiatus, and it's been nice! i got kinda sick for a little bit lmfaooo which was tough to manage w school, but i'm better now

although i took time away from my blog, i still delved in writing here n there. i haven't written anything for kickoff since tbh i'm in such a slump w it. but i still have big plans for stuff that happens after ch13, so hopefully i can just push through this next chapter and get to a better place. thanks so much to anyone that is still interested in the story, it means a lot to me. i know i'm so slow w updates and the story has been going on for almost a year now, but the continued support is so sweet! even though i didn't work on writing it these past one n a half months, i still really love it and plan to finish it.

i'm not sure if many people remember that i had this sort of "apocalypse" gojo x reader au about an asteroid being set to hit the earth in three days, and reader n gojo are ex lovers n the impending end of the world makes them break no-contact...yeah i finished writing the first chapter for it and i really love it so far! it's like set in new york which is really fun haha i love stories where new york is kind of its own "character" if that makes sense...it will definitely be a limited series w only 4 chapters or so, but i kinda wanna finish all 4 chapters before i start posting it bc i don't want it to be a drawn out series in terms of posting since i think it'd be best enjoyed in frequent succession if that makes sense

as for ihm, i think i wrote the most for ihm during my hiatus. i finished three chapters for it, but they are shorter chapters (around 3-4k words). i kinda realized one of my biggest reasons for burnout w my fics were the reaaaaallly long chapters...like didn't i have a 22k chapter for kickoff or sumn lol. idk i can't remember. but anyways, yeah the mindset behind the longer chapters was bc i liked each chapter to kinda have its own conflict, build up, tension then resolution in a sense. but it was exhausting to write that way tbh lol. so i think moving forward, for ihm, i will have shorter chapters. i just don't wanna think to much about things anymore, and write from my heart, bc i have a lot of things planned for ihm, and among the criticism i've received for my writing choices vs my own vision for the story, i've realized during my hiatus that the only way i can finish ihm, or any of my storeis for that matter, is if i just.........stop giving a fuck about it. lol idk if that sounds strange to say, but like, i don't want to over-edit anything. i don't want to think too much about redundancy. i don't want to flower things up or cut stuff out. i'm at the point where imma just write a first draft, check for grammarly errors, and then post it. i guess the reason i'm sharing this is because idk if this means that people may enjoy my writing less since i will admittedly be spending much less time on it than i did before, but tbh i realized i find the most joy while i'm writing, and not while i'm editing. so i want to spend as little time on the latter as possible, and if that changes the quality of my work, then so be it.

anyways, hmm as for hiatus. i guess i'm off hiatus now? i really enjoyed being off of tumblr tbh this app has a lot of questionable content at times (esp in jjk community) and it also did wonders for my studying bc i wasn't spending time doomscrolling or shit posting anymore lmfaooo. but as for writing in particular, i think i will start to post ihm again exclusively. i can't say anything about kickoff or my other projects, but i feel comfortable to start posting ihm again.

sorry, i know that i have kept my replies and ask box off for a long time. but i will open them again once i start posting chapters because i really miss interacting with you guys.

anywho, these are my updates lol i'm like not sure how many of my readers are still here or which ones have moved on but that's ok, i'm grateful to anyone n everyone. hope to see you all soon again!

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arminsumi · 1 year ago

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hellooo to you, i’d like a suguru pls, post premature death suguru meeting a ‘monkey’ that he falls in love with, hence he have another reflection.. maybe jujutsu sorcerers’ job is indeed to protect them..

CHANGE OF HEART.

𝐆. 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔 — 夏油傑 ⋅ fem reader

NOTE: idk how 3.4k words happened 🤷‍♀️ i just got rlly into this idea ty for your requesttt!! and i'm so sorry if u didn't want smut but the scene kinda just happened 😭 it's pretty vanilla tho i think?? i put a little forewarning before the scene just in case u strictly don't want to read it

🔞 mdni / 18+ content

SUMMARY — Meeting you challenges the beliefs he thought he was so sure of. Unexpectedly falling in love with a 'monkey' causes Geto Suguru to have a change of heart.

WARNINGS — not proofread 😵‍💫 angst, 1 smut scene, lmk if i have missed a warning thank u

SMUT WARNINGS — solo scene in the shower, Geto fantasizing about you (bj, creampies)

WORDCOUNT ≈ 3.4k

PLAY ME ♪ black beauty

🍒 𝐉𝐚𝐲 ⋅ 𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬/𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 !

A question that springs to Geto Suguru’s mind when he meets you is where have you been all my life? Because if he would have met you sooner, his beliefs wouldn’t have solidified.

You’re talking animatedly about your passions over a steaming beverage, sitting opposite this dark-haired man. His features are brooding and he’s rather unapproachable, or so he thinks – but you find gentleness and calmness in his face; the way his brows have a subtle, sad arch to them, the way the sharpness of his eyes contrasts beautifully to the softness of his cheeks. He’s always loathed his beady eyes and babyish cheeks, so it’s a pleasant shock to hear you flippantly compliment them.

“Why did you come to sit with me?” he asks curiously, fingertip caressing the rim of the ceramic coffee cup.

You think for a second, then speak your mind, “You looked approachable.”

Such an unexpected response. He’s intrigued. How could you possibly think he is approachable? He’s sure that if you’d known what he’s done, you’d never say that – you’d never sit for coffee with him at this cafe.

“Am I?” he tilts his head at you in response, “That’s a first. Lots of people in my life have told me that I’m unapproachable. And they avoid me.”

“How could anyone avoid you! You’re very – well, sorry if this sounds too forward – but you’re very alluring.”

Suguru arches his brow. Another unexpected response. You’re captivating him the more you speak.

“Thank you.” He responds earnestly, cool soft voice wafting through your chest, “Though that is quite forward.”

He wonders if his subtle teasing tone gets through to you. Your coy smile tells him that it did. He seems very captivated now, his abyssal black eyes are absorbing your features like they’re an artful masterpiece, like an Edo period piece of work that one can’t stop looking at admiringly.

Just when he feels his intrigue and curiosity for you reach its peak, he recoils; he completely shells himself, as if he was ashamed to have let himself become to enraptured by one of them.

There’s a long silence, you don’t notice that his opinion of you has shifted, you don’t even notice the slight scowl tugging at the corners of his lips. Because he masks it well.

“I have to be somewhere.” He excuses vaguely – it’s not uncommon to hear that from someone, so you don’t think much of it.

When talking with you for the past two hours, he seemed so appreciative that you sat with him and held good conversation, so you expected someone as direct as him to voice his thanks. A small thanks for having coffee with me, or a flippant thanks for sitting with me – nothing of the sort comes out of his mouth as he stands to leave.

You notice he only drank a sip of his black coffee this whole time. He must have been very captivated indeed, to not even enjoy his beverage.

It would have been easier to keep thoughts of you at bay had you not said goodbye to him as he left. Hearing your voice chime in his ear casts a spell over his mind.

He walks with his hands sunk deep in his pockets and heads to the subway station. Hesitant footsteps slow at the street where he said his last goodbye to his best friend just a few days ago. For a fleeting moment, Suguru is grateful for the resurgence of that tragic memory, because at least it drove you out of his mind.

But it is indeed just a fleeting moment, because once he descends into the subway station, his mind is refilled with thoughts of you. Your hair color. Your skin color. Your eye color. The clothes you wore. The scent lingering on them. The way you talked. How you spoke to him kindlier than anyone from the world outside Jujutsu High ever has. All he’s known before you is coldness and apprehensiveness.

He wonders, as he boards the train, if you would behave differently knowing that he’s a sorcerer. Knowing that he sees things as morbid as curses with his bare eyes. Knowing that he’s laid waste to a village of people. Knowing that he’s one of the strongest people in the world, and probably the strongest you’ll ever meet in your lifetime – unless you happen to come across Gojo Satoru someday.

He could kill you with a flick of his wrist if he wanted to.

As the train doors shudder shut behind him and he holds onto the dangling handles, he mutters a small “damn it…” under his breath. Because behind those eyes are waning beliefs, ones he was so sure about before you came along.

Suguru’s still thinking about you when he boards off the train and returns home to his apartment at nightfall. The rustling of the key in the door stirs the attention of his two little girls, and once it swings open, they burst with excitement at his arrival.

“We missed you!” they say almost in perfect harmony together.

“Missed you too, angels. Let’s get dinner cooking, hm? Mimiko, why do you have paint all over your cheeks? Ah – Nanako, no more painting for you. Yes, I’m making the rules. Treat your sister nicely and you can paint again.”

Suguru’s mind is temporarily cleared of you – but only temporarily, while he’s scrambling for ingredients around the tiny kitchen and patiently listening to childish chitchat. “No jumping in the kitchen – here, I’ll put you on the countertop – and uppp you go – stay there – Nanako, please don’t eat raw butter, it’s not funny. Give it here. Will you help me please?”

Soon there’s a simmering pot of food on the kotatsu table. There’s a storm coming, the girls cling to Suguru’s legs when he’s doing the dishes. “It’s just a thunderstorm coming, nothing to be afraid of, okay? Yes, I’ll read you to sleep. Nanako, please don’t bite my leg, it’s not funny – Mimiko don’t imitate your sister. Ah you two…”

He has the voice of a stressed-out father.

Droplets of soapy water drip off plates in the drying rack. Thunder rumbles outside the window. The wind swerving into the apartment’s living room feels cold when Suguru emerges from the girl’s bedroom – he heaves a sigh of relief knowing that they ate well and fell asleep soundly.

And it’s so cold in that apartment now.

She would be the warmth in the room.

It’s quiet, too.

Her voice would carry through this hallway like a serenade.

Suguru creeps into the shower, tripping on something the kids left laying around on his way to the bathroom.

⚠️ smut scene in case u want to skip

The drone of shower water fills his ears, he slowly peels off his sweater, giving a glance at the reflection of his physique in the body-length mirror. He’s never looked at his body with so much thought before.

Would she caress my chest like this?

One foot enters the shower, another followers. The door shuts and the glass steams up.

Does her mouth feel as soft as the words that come out of it?

He lets out a low groan. Rivulets of water run down his body.

She’d feel better than my hand. She’d take care of me.

Suguru’s hands trace up his chest and neck, his mind imagining it as your hand – he’s mimicking his imagination, picturing how sensual and gentle your touch would be. Your fingers wouldn’t be calloused like his, they’re small.

He lets himself get completely lost in a fantasy of you and him standing together under the showerhead, bodies close and heating up together. Without realizing, he’s lathering up his body with soap with slow, sensual movements. His hand grazes over his cock, it’s standing up and jumping a little at the thought of your face. Before he knows it, he’s slowly pumping his cock and tilting his head off to the side in pleasure.

Pretty sultry eyes flutter shut and his tip twitches. He squeezes and releases, imagining how you’d tease around. Or maybe you were inexperienced – now that thought gets him excited, it leads his fantasy into another direction. If he could have one night with you, he’d show you exactly what he likes and how he wants you to pleasure him. Maybe one night would turn into multiple nights, or entire weekends spent with him.

He lets out a shaky breath and presses on palm flat against the shower’s tile wall, bowing his head, lips parted with gentle, breathy moans escaping them – but both the sounds of the rainstorm and the shower drown them out.

A murky idea of what you look like naked and wet in the shower is hot on his mind. He rolls his thumb over the tip of his cock, leaving a small trail of soapy bubbles. His shaft’s gotten all lathered up, the sound of squelching barely reaching his ears. It makes him think of how you’d sound when he’s pumping his cock inside of you.

Would you be able to take it all? He looks down at it and contemplates that. How tight would you be? Would he cum boyishly soon if he sunk inside your gummy walls? If he went faster like this, would you become a mess underneath him? Would you want him to cum inside?

He’s a simple man when he’s so close to orgasming right there in his shower, the image of you taking his creampie makes him orgasm.

There’s a gentle rumble of thunder that covers up a loud moan that escapes his throat. He’s never moaned like that before. And he’s never cum so hard before, either – usually it’s a few watery shots of cum, not thick white ropes like this.

Does he feel guilty when cleaning his cum up the shower wall? A little bit.

“Damn it…” he mutters disappointedly.

⚠️ smut scene over

When he wraps a towel around his waist and looks into the mirror at his long hair, he wonders how you ever thought he looked approachable. If anything, he looked intimidating and cold.

That long shower fantasy of you only temporarily sates his mind. Letting his body fall into his bed with a soft thump, he sinks into the mattress. He rolled onto his side and started thinking of you again. This time, he replays everything that happened in those two hours at the café. He replays parts of the conversation like it was his favorite movie, until he fell asleep.

“You’re very alluring.” He thought of those words you said to him.

A subtle smile tugged at his lips.

***

Days pass. Suguru purposefully strides past the café and takes a glimpse into the windows to check if you’re there. When you’re not, he frowns and keeps walking. When you are, his eyes light up ever so slightly and his feet seem to carry him over to you – even though his mind screams at him to stop. This is madness. You’re supposed to be the very thing he hates, but he can’t bring himself to.

Because you’re dreamy. Or at least that’s the effect you have on him.

Each time he sees you at the café, he realizes more and more how weak and clumsy you are. Slowly, those traits become endearing to him. It irks him to feel this growing compulsion to protect you.

The tide of his mind completely turns over when he walks you home one day. A little curse had been clinging to your arm, cruelly giggling with its morbid little face.

How dare you? He eyes it out and watches you obliviously massage your arm, trying to alleviate the tension.

Suguru could have made two possible decisions; exorcise it or leave it. In other words, turn back on his beliefs or recede back into them completely, never to reemerge.

You massage your arm again, and at the moment you turn away from your apartment’s door, Suguru engulfs you in a very random, very soft hug. Widening your eyes, you’re unsure how to reciprocate for a moment. You hear him swallow.

Oh, is he nervous to be hugging me? Does he have a boyish crush on me? That’s unexpected of a mature man like him.

That’s what you’re obliviously thinking.

Suguru stifles a sigh. Part of him wishes you never hugged him back. But he can’t deny the rush he feels through his veins. Your warm, embrace is something he never knew he needed so badly until he got it.

That moment sets him on fire, he feels electric when he walks back home.

“Damn it…” he mutters with a small smirk playing at his lips – one that’s very similar to how he used to smirk with Satoru.

***

Months pass, and you start regularly visiting each other’s apartments. Tokyo is cramped, the word spacious never crosses your mind when you walk into someone else’s home. But Suguru’s apartment felt smaller than the others, because he had two balls of energy running around like chaotic demons. Lovably chaotic demons. Two twin girls, they’re celebrating their fifth birthday and you’re in the kitchen with Suguru baking a cake for them. It was your idea. And though you had to practically drag Suguru by the arm to get him to bake a cake, he was very willing to help out.

Nanako keeps trying to spook you, and you pretend to die of a heart attack – it makes her giggle. Mimiko pretends to be a spider crawling up your back, you also pretend to be scared – and she responds with a cheeky “I’m not actually a spider, I fooled you!”

“Girls, please give Y/n and I some alone time.” Suguru tells them after they become a bit much. Adults can only deal with so much, some relaxation is eagerly sought after.

“Is Y/n gonna be our mommy?” Nanako asks before leaving the kitchen. Her and Mimiko both look at you two expectantly.

Suguru is completely caught off guard by this question, but you laugh.

“Let us be, Nanako.” He speaks without composure, so shaken up and embarrassed. When was the last time he blushed to boyishly?

The twins scamper out the kitchen and into their own little kid’s world, roaming the house as if it was full of secrets they had to discover.

“Sorry, they’re quite outspoken for their ages.” Suguru refuses to look at you anymore, his heart is thumping in his chest. What if you wanted to be their mom? It’s a cute thought that occupies his mind as he talks to you.

“They’re the sweetest.” You sigh adoringly, “Really, the sweetest. It reminds me, had a friend once who ran a kindergarten, and I stood in for her one spring while she was on sick leave. There was this very sweet little boy who followed me around like a puppy. Working there for a little while made me realize how much I want to have kids and a family.” You talk while mixing ingredients into a bowl, stirring up the batter until it’s creamy and smooth.

Suguru’s listening attentively. He’s watching your gentle movements interestedly. Were you gentler in his presence? He wonders what you’re like when you’re annoyed. When you wake up, how cute is your bleary-eyed face?

“You’re good with kids.” Suguru compliments.

“Thank you.” You smile a bit bashfully. “Though, now that I think about it, there was also this kid at that kindergarten that would try to bite me all the time. An absolute menace.”

Suguru lets out a laughing breath through his nose.

“Yeah, Nanako has tried to bite Mimiko many times. The first time it happened, she screamed herself blue and I had absolutely no idea what to do.” Suguru spoke, “By the way, d’you need help – ? M’kay, if you say so. I’m right here. Anyways… she bit her so hard it left a bite mark.”

“Oh yeah, I know what you’re talking about, alright. That sucker left a bite mark on my thigh – I’ve still got the scar.” You tell him.

Suguru’s mind lights up when you so flippantly mention your thigh. He can’t help himself. He’s starting to want more, his whole body craves proximity – that’s why, while you put the cake in the oven, he discretely inches closer to where you stand. Arms crossed over his broad chest, hair up in a neat bun – he only realized just then how you have such a positive effect on him. He hadn’t put such deep care into his appearance since before…

“Suguru? Are you okay?”

“Huh? Yeah. Just thinking.”

“You must have a lot to be thinking about. Your face looks so severe… I want to knead out the severity.” You tease.

He loves the way you speak. He loves the subtle playful teasing you do every now and then, it shows him that you’re getting comfortable around him like he is around you.

“Sorry. I’m just a brooding type.” He smirks at you, shifting his body so that he leans comfortably against the counter.

“What are you brooding on?” you ask him curiously.

It makes his heart lurch that you care, that you’re genuinely curious about what’s going on behind those abyssal black eyes of his.

“I don’t want to bring down the mood.”

“You won’t bring down the mood. What’s on your mind? I’m not the best at advice… in fact I’m shit, but I’m a good listener… so indulge me.” You encourage him, attempting to hop up on the kitchen countertop to sit comfortably.

His heart feels stabbed and twisted all of a sudden. But he smirks, sees you struggling to climb a countertop, and comes to help you. Big hands grab at the back of your thighs as he leans down, cheek brushing with your cheek for a moment, before he hoists you up himself.

“Thank you.” You smile at him, veiling your nervousness.

His body feels hotter after he pulls away. But he acts coolly, resuming his nonchalant pose of leaning against the countertop with crossed arms.

“I fell out with an old friend.” He begins simply. It’s laughable, saying that out loud – you have no idea of the severity, of the drama. “We were like yin and yang.” He desperately tries to add a layer of depth to give you a better picture.

“Did something happen between the two of you?” you inquire.

Suguru thinks back on that day. “Yeah. We had a disagreement. And… I think… I’ve finally started to regret walking away from him.” He admits.

That admittance unexpectedly makes his throat constrict and his eyes line with tears. He blinks them away quickly.

“Why did you walk away?” you tilt your head.

I wonder what she’d think if I told her every detail.

“We have differing beliefs about… something. I can’t describe it sensibly to you.”

You look at him interestedly. “Beliefs? Like about religion?”

“I guess kind of like that…? Not religion, but something as serious as that.”

“If you regret walking away from him,” you begin, speaking your train of thought, “why don’t you come back to him and tell him that? Or would that be a bad idea? I don’t know… it just seems like you miss whoever this person is.”

You render him speechless and he looks at you like you just unravelled a secret part of him that no one had seen before.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to – ”

“Thank you. I needed to hear that. I think I’ll… uh, give him a call sometime and see him for coffee.” Suguru says decidedly.

Was he really going to do that? Before meeting you, he couldn’t fathom facing Satoru again. It was a mortifying idea. He crushed his best friend’s spirit, how could he face him again?

“Sounds good… you could meet him at the café we go to.” You say.

Suguru’s half lost in thought and staring at the kitchen floor tiles. “Yeah… hey, can I ask you a personal question?”

“Absolutely.”

He chokes up a bit, darting his eyes around, as if searching carefully for his words. When he looks at you, he completely forgets what he was going to ask. His heart is beating like he was just about to confess to his high school sweetheart.

Suguru takes a deep inhale.

“I think the cake is burning.”

“Oh shit!”

***

Satoru scoffs bitterly over his beverage.

“I’m serious, Satoru.”

A pair of striking blue eyes meet abyssal black ones.

“What changed your mind...?” Satoru comments in a softer tone after hearing his old friend call his name so tenderly.

“Something good happened.” Suguru subtly smiles, the memory of meeting you in this same café flashing across his mind.

A silence comes over them, and slowly the tension works out of their air, an understanding replacing it.

“Maybe we are supposed to protect them, after all… damn monkeys, look at ‘em so helpless.” Suguru chuckles, half-joking as he watches a baby start to cry in its mothers arms on the street outside.

2K notes · View notes

seospicybin · 1 year ago

Text

TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART II

Felix x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle Masterlist

Synopsis: You and Felix become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (9,7k words)

Author's note: I'm sorry guys but I have to leave you with another cliffhanger. The last part will be posted this weekend, feel free to vent in my inbox and enjoy x

Content warning: This is entirely a work of fiction and not affiliated with real Too Hot To Handle show.

FELIX: I'm just your uh... normal guy. [smiles] Just trying to be a nice guy and do something my mum would be proud of at the end of the day. [snickers] I don't really have any lines, I don't have, like, a strategy to attract girls. Basically, I just walk into a bar and they heard my voice and accent, sorted. I wouldn't say how many girls I've been with [chuckles] uhm... people only focus on the numbers and a gentleman doesn't say. [laughs]

Felix has been staring at the surface of the pool long enough that it starts to calm him down. He was nervous a minute ago, waiting for you in anticipation even though he should be relaxed knowing that you said yes to having a date with him.

The date is set in the pool of the villa with a fruit platter and a bottle of champagne chilled in a bucket of ice served at the side of the pool. It's not the first time he's going on a date but his pattern of dating is casually meeting someone someplace and taking them home for a hook-up, that's it.

It's going to be hard to change that pattern, especially when he's been trapped in it long enough that it's comfortable. Going on a date and try not to do any physical touches? Felix already has a hard time imagining it.

"Hi, hello!"

Felix's head snaps in your direction and he almost chokes on air seeing you walking toward him in a crimson-red bikini.

"Have you been waiting long?" You ask.

Felix quickly offers his hand to help you get into the pool, slowly engulfing both of your bodies in the lukewarm water from the chest down. The lights from the bottom of the pool casts a bluish glow on your face and with this proximity, he can see your face up close and observes every facial feature you have.

Felix slightly shakes his head in disbelief. You're so perfect from head to toe that he's having a hard time wrapping his head around it and you're right in front of him.

FELIX: She's lush! In that red bikini looking like a forbidden apple and I just want to take a bite.

"Aren't you going to pour me a drink?" You're eyeing the two empty champagne flutes.

It's obvious he's too busy lusting over your body that he forgot to be a gentleman. You hold the glass as Felix filled them with bubby wine and pours himself a glass after.

"It's so nice!" You compliment.

Again, Felix has to force his brain to cooperate and actively stop himself from looking at your body, "Huh?"

"The date," you say, picking a grape from the plate and shoving it into your mouth, "I've never been on a date this nice before."

Felix gulps his wine to fuel his guts, "me too," he says, reaching for the grape but you get ahead of him.

"Here," you say, bringing a grape close to his mouth and feeding it to him.

He's more than eager to eat it right from your hand and grins as he chews on it while you refill both of your glasses with more wine.

"Thank you for picking me for the date by the way," you tell him with a smile.

Felix clinks his glass with yours, "thank you for saying yes," he thanked you back.

After taking a sip, you put the wine away and focus on him instead, making him nervous as you tilt your head low and look at him through your lashes. It's the classic trick in the book of seduction but you do it effortlessly with a hundred percent rate of success, making him feel like a special man, the only man in the world.

"I was surprised when Lana told me you asked me for a date," you explain.

The water is still enough that Felix can see you scoot closer to him that your knees bumps with him and it takes everything in him not to put his hand on your thigh, "May I know why you chose me?"

Felix has to force his brain to work extra tonight and rakes his hair to the back as if it would help, "I have my eyes on you on the first day," he admits.

Your lips curl into a smile and it's a familiar one that tells you're not buying his words, "yeah?"

Good thing Felix has just the proof of it, "I'm the one who kissed you at the blindfold game," he confidently spills the truth.

You hold a gaze for a moment then look away to get your wine glass, "I know."

If you know, then why you didn't react the way Felix expected to? You hold your wine glass close to your mouth but not drinking it, "What I want to know is why you didn't make a move on me until now?"

Felix finishes his wine before answering, "I have my reasons," he answers.

Your hand reaches for the fruit platter next to his shoulder and picks a slice of strawberry, "is it because I'm your second choice?"

"No!" Felix immediately denies it.

"The boys talked about which girls they were going for. You are Alex and Jamie's choice, then Jamie partnered up with you so I–I uh..." he stammers as he watches you eat the strawberry, then wash it down with the wine.

FELIX: Sitting this close and not able to kiss her? Impossible. She's irresistible, my gosh... [sucks air through teeth]

When Felix talked to you in the firepit that night, you have your guard up because he knows you were with Jamie but now, look at you! Your head is slightly tilted and flutter your eyelashes at him. You got game and Felix likes having all of your attention just for him. He's more than eager to give you all of his attention, that wouldn't be hard, you're the only one he's seeing.

Felix licks his lips as his throat got dry from watching you and quickly recovers by splashing some water into the back of his neck, "I think compared to them, I don't think I'd have a shot with you," he furtherly explains.

You stare into his eyes and locked them in an intense gaze, "why? I think you're attractive," you tell him.

He unconsciously reaches for his ear as he gets flustered by your compliment.

"I think you know by now that three of the girls are chasing after you. Shouldn't you be happy?" You share the news Felix already knew. He wants to know something else, something more important, "depends," he says, "If one of the three is you then yes, I'd be happy."

A laugh burst out of you and Felix is elated to know that he's the one who made you laugh like that. There's something else as important he needs to know, "so what's your type?"

You fix the strap of your bikini and Felix reflexively looks at your cleavage, glancing at the soft mounds inside your bikini top, then quickly shifts his eyes back to your face.

"On the paper, no, you're not," you honestly answer.

Felix's smile fades a little but he keeps his disappointment to himself by sipping his drink.

"But I'm attracted to you," you add.

He swallows his drink at once and almost choked on it, the scintillating smile returns to his face.

"The fact that you're not my type but I'm attracted to you... I think that says something," you tell him with a sly smile. You hold his gaze before looking away and it's cute that you can be bold then shy the next minute.

He sees that you're eyeing the fruit platter next to him, "want something?"

You lowly chuckle and shyly say, "I was looking at your biceps actually but yes, okay, I'd like a strawberry, please?"

You always seem to know what to say and how to make his heart flutter, he can't help but softly laugh, flustered. You hold his hand by the wrist and steady his hand as you eat the strawberry right from between his fingers.

Felix briefly feels how your mouth and lips feel like. It's not technically a rule break and he was playing it safe until you did that. He clears his throat to steer his mind back on track, "Uhm... is that what you like about me? My biceps?"

You lick the juice escaping the corner of your mouth with your tongue, "you have a great body but what I like is the freckles," you share.

Felix unconsciously reaches for his face, "Yeah?"

You pull your hand out of the water and touch his chest, "I didn't know that you also have freckles on your chest."

Is it the beads of water slowly trickling down his chest or it's your fingertips that are lightly touching him that make him tingle inside? Felix feels the need to do the same with you. He reaches for the stray hair escaping your messy bun and tucks it behind your ear.

Instead of retracting his hand, he keeps it there, holding the side of your face.

FELIX: [Hisses] I want to kiss her so badly.

Felix may as well take his chance, leaning in close but doing it carefully as he seeks permission from you. He leans in closer to whisper in your ear with his hand still holding one side of your head, "Should we kiss?"

You put your hand on his thigh underwater and seductively chuckle, hinting that you probably think it's not a bad idea after all.

"I just got out of this thing," you avoid mentioning Jamie in the sentence, then you smile as you say, "I don't want to rush things."

Felix nods in understanding, "That's fair."

However, the hand resting on his thigh tells him otherwise.

FELIX: The chemistry we have is electric. I get the feeling that he can't resist me for long.

The date ends since it's about to be curfew soon. You and Felix exchange a hug, a long one that he gets to feel your body against him.

"That was a nice date," you mutter with a hand around his neck.

Felix uses the opportunity to draw you closer until your breasts squashed between your chests, "Yeah, indeed."

Being the gentleman he is, he gets out of the swimming pool first, then immediately offers his hand to help you. You take it without complaining, letting him hold you until you got out of the water.

Felix watches as the streams of water trickle down your body and your bikini stick to your skin, leaving so little to his imagination. He grabs a towel from a stack prepared on the lounger and put it around your shoulder.

"Thank you," you thank him, then he grabs one for himself and walks back into the house together.

FELIX: She refused to kiss but I’m confident to say the date went well.

The date may have ended but the night continues.

You both go straight to the bathroom with water dripping down your bodies and it's empty since everyone else is tucked in for bedtime. The spacious shower stall gives Felix an idea crossed but he's afraid of crossing the line to ask you.

"You can go in first," he offers.

You drop the wet towel and put it on the edge of the bathtub, "how about we shower together?"

Are you reading his mind? Because that's exactly the idea he had in mind. Felix suddenly doesn't know what to do with himself, aimlessly pacing around the bathroom.

"You can use my nice-smelling shampoo," you offer with a playful laugh.

"I can't say no to that," he replies.

Felix has to calm himself as you enter the shower after him, turning your back to him to help you untie the straps of your bikini. He puts all of your hair away and carefully works the knot open, you take it off yourself after. He watches as you hook your fingers around the sides of your bikini bottom and slide it down your legs, putting the bikini aside with your feet.

It's when you turn around to face him that he starts malfunctioning. There's nothing left to imagine now he sees all of you, that beautiful body of yours that he wants to explore if it wasn't for the stupid rules. You step under the shower and tilt your head up to let the water rain down your chest.

Felix has never been this jealous of the water for being able to be all over you.

"Want me to wash your hair?" You ask, taking the shampoo out of your toiletry bag.

Unable to verbally answers, he stifled a nod.

FELIX: I don't know how I'm still alive after seeing her phenomenal body [whistles]

It's the way you stare up at him with your hands slowly massaging his scalp and standing so close to him that it alarms him that he's rather in danger.

"Is it good?"

He's not sure what you're asking, the way you shampoo his hair or how your body makes him feel. He chooses to compliment you instead, "You're good at this."

"Yeah?" You ask with a grin.

"Mmh, yeah," he tries to distract himself by talking but not long after, he found his eyes looking at your breasts, hung so beautifully on your chest, merely inches away from his chest.

"Time to wash it," you inform, pulling him under the shower and washing all the suds away from his hair while brushing it clean with your fingers.

As you intently clean his hair, Felix braves himself to put his hands on each side of your waist and reminds himself to not go lower than that.

"It smells nice," he comments, opening his eyes from closing it for too long.

You drop your hands on his shoulders then clasped your hands together on the back of his head. With his proximity, your hardening nipples are lightly grazing his chest, raising the goosebumps on his arms.

"You're lucky I let you use it," you say with a sweet smile on your face and your eyes staring back at him.

This is it. Felix has hit his limits. He can't resist it anymore.

FELIX: Oh fuck, I'm in trouble.

"I'm glad we didn't kiss on the date," Felix says.

You chuckle right at his face, "Huh? Why?"

Getting bolder, Felix wraps his hands around you and pulls you even closer, "Because now is the right time to do it."

Your teeth faintly biting your lower lip and he can see the lust in your eyes. Once you close your eyes, Felix knows that he just got your permission. The sweet smell of your breath welcomes him as he kisses your slightly parted mouth. You kiss him back with the same eagerness with a broken moan slips out of you between kisses.

Felix expected sparks but what he gets are far greater, fireworks getting off inside his chest.

FELIX: The kiss is such a long time coming and I just don't care about the rules at that moment. It feels so right.

You pull away first with a gasp and an open mouth, keeping your hands looped around his neck

"Wow. We made that kiss worth the six grands."

Felix grins in agreement with you, except that for him, the kiss is worth more than that. He'd pay with his own money if he had to, it was special, one of a kind. Then another problem appears, Felix craves for it more than before. He leans in for another but you're quick to turn your face to the side, sending his lips landed on your cheek.

"We can't break another rule today," you whisper into his ear.

Defeated, Felix drops his head on your neck and holds you close.

You reach for the faucet and turn it to the side, "How about a cold shower, mmh?"

FELIX: A part of me is glad that she stopped me or else, we would have done everything by now [shamelessly laughs]

It was too late to have you sleeping with him last night.

Hopefully, later, he can fix this bed situation so he can wake up next to you and probably, sneaks a kiss or two. Seeing your face and exchanging a secretive smile is enough to gather his spirits to last the day.

Cole is going through his routine and asks everyone the question of the day, "anyone breaks any rules last night?"

He scans everyone to spot any guilty faces and Felix knows that he's safe from his suspicious eyes since Cole is his bedmate.

"You guys are looking guilty over there," Heidi points at Jamie and Mia's bed.

Fuck Jamie, he's so stupid to let you go but smart enough to leave you because you deserve better. Felix is confident that he is that 'someone better'.

Unlike everyone else, Felix can't wait for everyone to know that he kissed you and gets jealous of him.

FELIX: Another day, another chance to break the rules [winks]

Too bad that despite his excitement, Felix can't spend time with you as you are being called to the front yard for a workshop with the other girls. He has no other things to do but join Alex working out and at the same time, helping him with some lower body workouts.

"You didn't tell me about your date last night," He says as he's taking a minute of a break between sets.

Felix counts the time and at the same time answering to his question, "It went great, man."

Alex is the one who encourages him to keep trying even when you were still with Jamie.

"Told you," he says with a triumphant smirk and getting up, grabbing dumbbells in both hands.

"Did you do anything?" Alex glances at him to get any hints from Felix's expression.

Felix refuses to answer but the grin on his face gives it away.

"How much did you spend?"

He's bad at lying and it's not like he's talking to Cole, which reminds him to look around, "Just one kiss," Felix answers after steering clear that Cole is out of his earshot.

Alex laughs and puts the dumbbells down, "just get ready, bro."

Surprisingly, Felix doesn't care so much about what everyone is going to say when they know about him breaking the rules.

"As an experienced rulebreaker, do you have any tips?" Felix playfully asks.

Alex laughs again and plops down on the hot sand, "I hate to tell you but the only way is through," he says with a stupid grin.

"Thank you, Dorothy!" Felix jokingly responds.

FELIX: I missed her even though I know she's only on a different side of the villa [chuckles]

Felix can't hide his smile when he sees you back from the workshop.

Moreover, he doesn't want to be around Jamie. The fact that he left you for someone else leaves a bad taste in him. Or maybe it's just that Felix grows protective of you that makes him feel that way.

"It's so hot. I'm thinking of taking a dip," you tell him.

He glares at you, "And you're not inviting me?"

"Yes. I'm not inviting you," you tell him with a sly smile, walking to the pool while dragging him along behind you.

Seeing your wet body only reminds him of last night, except that you have not even a thread covering that beautiful body of yours. He's standing next to you inside the pool, facing the view of the beach. He should distract himself from looking at your body by starting a conversation, or anything to keep his head occupied.

"So uh... how was the workshop?" He asks.

You turn to face him when he wishes that you didn't, "basically that when we let men into us, we also absorbed everything about them," you answer.

Your hand is floating on the surface of the water and drifting close to him, "it taught us that we should be more selective of the men we let in," you finish.

Can't help himself to touch you, he places a hand on the arch of your back, "that sounds great," he comments.

You nod and prop a hand under your chin, looking at him with a soft smile.

"What's your verdict on me?" Felix asks.

You tilt your head with a questioning look on your face.

He pulls you close and allows himself to place a kiss on your bare shoulder, "will you let me in?"

You shyly chuckle while putting your hand on his shoulder, "We'll see..." you vaguely answer.

FELIX: She may have not fully recovered from the previous thing but I think we're off to a good start.

You turn him around and jump onto his back, "get me there," you order.

"To the end of the pool?"

You nod, "and back," you continue.

"I didn't know that I have to do lower body workout," he says.

You throw your arms around his neck, "Go! Go! Go!"

Felix hoists you higher on his back and slowly walks to the end of the pool, carrying you on his back.

"Am I heavy?" You lean in close.

"If you're asking of we can do the wheelbarrow position, the answer is yes," he shamelessly pulls a lewd joke.

FELIX: It's so hard to not think about sex when she's walking around being the hot temptation she is.

The firepit is your favorite place in the villa and it unconsciously becomes his favorite place too.

"We're matching!" You exclaim, spotting the navy blue shirt he's wearing and pointing at the dress you're wearing.

"We're meant to be," he coyly responds.

If only you knew that he took a peek at what you'll be wearing tonight and purposely matches his clothes with yours. You sit next to him on the long sofa, lounging with him under the moonlight with the fire keeping the night warm for both of you.

You're lying sideway facing him and resting your head on his arm, this way, he can see the curve of your body wrapped in a skin-tight dress with thin straps.

He takes this chance to ask the question he's been wanting to ask, "Will you sleep on my bed tonight?"

Your fingers are busy playing with the button on his shirt.

"For the rest of the retreat too?" He asks again.

You lowly chuckle, "No."

Felix jerks his head away, refusing to believe that you just rejected him.

You look up at him and say, "But you can sleep on my bed."

He lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding and dryly laugh, "Oh yeah, we're going to evict Heidi tonight."

FELIX: The bed situation has been sorted, there's one more thing left to do now.

Felix runs his hand up and down your arm, "it's a nice dress," he compliments.

"I borrow this from Laura," you share.

The strap accidentally got caught in Felix's bracelet and pulls it down your arm, almost spilling your breast out of your dress.

"Whoops," Felix cheekily responds. He carefully fixes it for you and slides the strap back to its place on your shoulder.

It seems wrong to be this close to you and not kiss you. Not when that's what he thought about all day, the taste and the softness of your lips. Felix tilts your head and seeks your permission with a thumb that tenderly brushes your lower lip.You close your eyes, once again, letting him get what he wants and hopefully, it's what you want too.

Felix doesn't need to worry as you return his kiss with the same eagerness. He can taste your lips with a hint of mint that he believes is coming from your lip gloss. A hand wraps around your neck to keep you still as his tongue pries open your mouth so he can deepen the kiss and tastes you wholly.

Everything else doesn't matter at that moment, it's just you and him, encased in a breathtaking kiss.

FELIX: I'm willing to pay with my own money just to kiss her again [shrugs]

"Do I have your lipstick on me?"

You nod as you wipe your smudged lipstick.

"Does it look good on me?" Felix leans in close so you can clean it for him.

"Yes," you reply, intently wiping the lipstick mark you left on his lips with your thumb.

With you still leaning close and your finger brushing his lips, Felix is tempted to kiss you again. You quickly sense his intention and look away to prevent it from happening. One kiss is enough, for now.

FELIX: I just can't stop... oh, my God! I don't want to stop.

It's only about time that Lana comes and announces the damage you both did.

Before that, you fix your dress and hair, leaving nothing that will give anyone the impression that the two of you have kissed. Felix holds your hand as you both make your way to the cabana and sit on the smaller sofa on the side of the room. He leans in close to the side of your head and softly asks, "Are you nervous?"

You take a deep breath and answer, "Yeah."

It would be a lie to say that he's not as nervous. This is his first time being on the hot seat but he knows what to do, he has his defense at the ready.

"It'll be fine," he comforts you while tucking a hair behind your ear.

The sweet smile you give him puts him at ease. Then you take his hand, clasped it together with yours, and rest it on your lap.

"Hello, everyone!" Lana greets with her computer voice.

"Hello, Lana banana!" Heidi being the loudest of us greets her back.

"There have been breaches of the rules," Lana announces.

Cole brushes his hair to the back in frustration and leans back on the sofa, "I'm so done with y'all."

Felix decides to own up to his mistakes and comes forward, "We kissed. Twice," he concisely admits.

Felix glances around and sees that Jamie is grinning, probably going to enjoy that he's not the one about to get shouted at. Instead of that, there's a moment of silence and he's not sure if it means good or bad.

"Well, if it's you guys..." Laura says, flipping her hair to the back, "I think you deserve it."

Alex nods, agreeing with her and Felix appreciates that Alex has his back like a good friend he is.

"I agree," Maeve adds with a smile shot at you.

FELIX: Whoa, what was that? That is not the reaction I was expecting we'd get [eyes widens]

"I feel like... you guys are building connections so..." Heidi gives her opinion.

Felix lets out a quiet sigh of relief and smiles at everyone, "Thank you, guys. We appreciate it," he says, shaking your clasped hand in giddiness.

He looks at you and you look back at him with a sweet smile. He feels more certain about his choices, this is right, you are right for him.

"But that's not all..." Lana drops a sudden announcement.

FELIX: Oh... fuck off, Lana!

"We have reached the middle of the retreat. However, certain individuals haven't shown the growth we wanted," Lana continues.

Felix feels your hand holding him tighter and he puts his other hand on you, rubbing his thumb on the back of your hand.

You put your head on his shoulder, "Is she sending us home?" You meekly ask him.

Considering that he has broken the rules that automatically put both of you on Lana's naughty list, his heart races in his chest. Felix doesn't want to leave yet. Now that he's with you, he wants to stay for as long as he could.

"I'll be sending home two people."

"Two? Right now?" Cole gasps in pure shock.

You nuzzle your head further into his neck, "what the hell," you softly murmur with a restless sigh.

Felix lets go of his hand to put his arm around you. He can't say much because he's not in a good position to know for certain that it's not you or him Lana going to send home.

"Oh, fuck!" Heidi sighs into her hands.

The situation turns even more bleak as everyone got hit by the realization that they can get kicked out at any moment and they should have taken the rules seriously.

FELIX: I'm absolutely shitting it.

"Come on, Lana! You can't be serious," Cole says with a nervous laugh.

"The guests leaving the treat are..."

Felix hears your panicked whine on his shoulder and reflexively pulls you closer to him, knowing that you seek comfort from him.

"Daniel and Aly."

"Oh, my God!" You mutter, slung your hand across his shoulder.

Everyone is in complete shock while a few of them kind of figured that they're the ones who have been fooling around the retreat and not taking the process seriously. Despite all of that, it'll be a loss not having them again in here. Felix cherished the time he spent with them even though he doesn't know them on a personal level.

"Since arriving at my retreat, you have ignored my rules, dismissed my teachings, and failed to grow. And pursued your own desires at the expense of those around you."

Everyone gets quiet as Lana explains the reasons why she sends them home tonight.

"Daniel and Aly, you must now leave my retreat."

FELIX: I think Daniel had a problem following the rules and always chose to be selfish.

"Love you," Aly mutters to you as she hugs you.

You sniffle and say back to her, "Love you, Al!"

Besides Maeve, Felix has seen you hang out with Aly a few times so he understands that it must feel like you're losing a friend. That only proves what a caring person you are and he's lucky to be with you.

After watching them leave, you turn to hug to seek comfort from each other.

FELIX: I hope they continue to grow outside of the retreat. I wish you all the best, Daniel and Aly! [smiles]

It's bedtime and he feels bad if he has to evict Heidi, he turns to Cole, kindly asking him to sleep with her.

"Don't let me down, okay?" Cole warns before taking his pillow with him to Heidi's bed.

He saw you're chatting with Maeve in the make-up room and that explains why it's taking you long to come to bed. He's listening to everyone else talking about Daniel and Aly leaving one bed unoccupied for the night.

When you finally appear, you're smiling as you make your way to his bed. You toss the cushion onto the floor to make some space on the bed while he's puffing your pillow for you, then puts his arm out for you to rest on.

Felix doesn't wait to kiss you on the cheek, "you smell so good," he says.

You smile and say, "I'm pretty sure it's the moisturizer."

FELIX: I'm sharing a bed with her and she smells so good [hisses air through teeth] It's not going to be easy tonight!

There is not an ounce of privacy in the villa but as time goes on, Felix has come to the point that he stops caring about it.

The lights are out and as you turn to your side, your body instantly molds against him. Felix almost lets out a lewd groan the moment your ass is rubbing against his crotch. His self-control is being put to the test tonight and he's most likely to fail at it. He plants soft kisses along your shoulder and up the column of your neck, "I'm so happy that we're sharing a bed," he whispers into your ear.

Felix hears you softly giggling and if only you knew how much he likes hearing your giggles.

You slightly turn your head to the side, "Me too."

He plants his mouth on your neck again and tries not to think about kissing your lips that are mere inches away from his.

"Mmh..." he hums as he plants his nose in your hair and the smell of your shampoo brings him back to that night he showered with you. He hums again but it comes out as a low growl with the deep voice he has.

You look over your shoulder and gently grips his chin, "let's not break any more rules," you lowly say.

He nods and hastily kisses the nape of your neck, "mmh... 'kay."

It's like his hands have their own brains, they start to roam around your body, feeling your clothed body all over. Well, he can vividly picture it in his head without looking, you're wearing a white, thin tank top with boxer shorts that barely cover your body.

"You're so beautiful," he seductively says into your ear.

Sensing that he's close to danger, you take his hands and clasped them with yours to prevent them from wandering around. Felix sighs in defeat, then breaks into laughter as you caught on to his bad intention.

You laugh along and turn to softly kiss him on the jaw, "Goodnight."

He returns it with a long kiss on your cheek, "Goodnight, babe."

FELIX: [sticks tongue out] It's clear that she has better self-control than me [laughs]

You look adorable with your hair tousled, barefaced, and disoriented like an angel who has just fallen from heaven.

"Morning," he forgot that his voice is even deeper in the morning and slightly surprised you with it.

You sleepily smile at him, "Morning."

You reach for his head and slip your hand in his hair, lazily scratching at it.

Felix is smitten, he can look at your face for hours without getting bored. If only he could kiss you while he's at it, it would be perfect. He notices that your tank top slides to the side, almost exposing your breast. He immediately helps you fix it before anyone can see it.

Cole is calling for Felix across the room, "Are we good, bro?"

He chuckles knowing that he's asking whether he broke rules or not, "Nothing happened. I promise you," he assures him.

FELIX: I had the hardest yet the best sleep I had so far in the retreat.

"How are things going, my friend?" Killian asks.

Felix leans back on the sofa and looks at the beach with its postcard-worthy view.

"We've been good if that's what you're asking," Felix playfully replies then shot a glare at Cole.

"I have no problems with you breaking rules if you like each other," Cole defends his strict policy about rulebreaking. He stares at him and with a serious face asks him, "Do you like her?"

"I do," Felix replies without a beat.

He smiles out of the blue like a fool in love he is, "I started to notice these little things about her and find them cute."

Cole and Killian break into laughter in unison but Felix is too happy to feel offended and laughs along with them.

"Oh, boy!" Cole exclaims, enjoying making fun of him too much.

FELIX: [Covers face with hands] I like her so much it's so stupid. I don't know if she likes me back, I'm sure she is but... [shrugs] no, I actually don't know.

Seeing that you're done giving your daily interview, he begins searching for you in the house.

Instead of you, he bumps into Maeve and she knows right away he's looking for her best friend.

"She's in the bathroom," she informs.

"Thank you!" He quickly mutters to her, heading to the bathroom, seeing you standing by the sink and lathering your body with sunblock. It's time that he returns the favor you've done to him once.

"Need help?"

You smile the moment you see him standing in the doorway, "yes, please!"

Felix enthusiastically takes his position behind you, placing a kiss on your bare shoulder before lathering the skin with sunblock. Not that he's no longer attracted to your body, unfortunately, he will always be but he's getting better at controlling his impulses.

Sure it's tempting to untie your bikini and with everyone out of the house, you and him could have another round in the shower. He takes a deep breath when the urge comes up and reminds himself that he shouldn't break any rules, he's aiming to form a genuine connection with you to get a green light

He slips his arms under and around you, "you're so beautiful, babe."

You giggle in response and look at his reflection in the mirror, "Thank you!"

Without warning, he lifts you and carries you out of the bathroom like a sack of potato, sending you squealing, "I'm taking you with me everywhere.”

FELIX: Things are going better between me and her. We're happy with each other.

Knowing that none of you break the rules, Felix can relax when it's time to get to the cabana. He's sitting next to you, putting his arm around you and fiddling with the strap of your bikini, twirling it around his finger.

"Hello, everyone!"

"Hello, Lana!" He half-heartedly greets her back. From the sound of her ever-the-same computer voice, Felix gets the feeling that she's going to share the good news.

"I'm about to initiate my test."

FELIX: Oh shit. I was wrong to think that it was going to be good news.

"With the help of two new arrivals."

With Daniel and Aly left, it only makes sense that Lana brought new contestants into the retreat. Felix should have seen it coming and now, he's just nervous, afraid that it's going to be what he thinks it is.

"The first new arrival is Poppy."

Everyone starts to guess what she looks like just from her name.

"The second new arrival is Josh."

Now this is what Felix fears the most: what is Lana going to do with them? Because if it would be like the last time, Felix dislikes the idea.

"Two of you will be going on private dates with the new arrivals."

FELIX: Whoever this new guy is... I don't feel threatened. At all.

This is not good.

Things are looking up for him and Lana decides to stir things up by sending new guests which he's sure, not only going to change the dynamic in the house but possibly, cause some chaos too.

"They have selected the guests they are most attracted to from the choice of those in relationships."

Did Felix accidentally manifest it into reality?

FELIX: Josh, my guy, you'd better not step on my toes.

"Josh has chosen to go on a date with..."

Felix's heart is beating out of control, it's like his body is telling him that his worst fear is about to come true. He closes his eyes and tries to be cool if it's you who gets chosen.

When Lana calls your name, his heart leaps and he closes his eyes.

"Of course!" He mutters under his breath. He didn't intend for you to hear it but he's a bit upset about being put in this situation.

FELIX: I trust her. It's this new guy that I don't trust.

Felix looks at you to see your reaction. You seem to be at a loss for words and turn rigid next to him. Unlike him, you probably didn't expect to get picked.

"You may now leave to get ready for your dates."

He pulls you into a hug and reluctantly lets you go, "See you later," he says and manages to put on a smile for you.

"Bye," you say to him.

He watches as you leave to go on a date with someone else.

FELIX: If she goes for this new guy, I'm not going to lie... [licks lips] I'll be absolutely heartbroken.

"How are you feeling, Felix?" Maeve asks from the end of the sofa, curious about his feelings about this situation as if his face didn't tell how worried he is right now.

"It's not easy," he answers, "I trust her but I can't lie, there's a little part of me that's worried."

Maeve gently pats him on the knee, "Well, Lana said it's a test so..."

She shifts on her seat to put her feet up, "it wouldn't be easy."

Felix's head is in overdrive. There are so many thoughts inside his head and most of them are not doing him good.

"Yeah..." he half-heartedly answers.

"But I know her and I'm sure she'll stay faithful to you," Maeve tells her.

Considering that it's coming from your closest friend in this retreat, Felix decides to hang on to those words. At least, after this, he'll know whether he can trust you or not.

FELIX: This guy chose her for a reason and that makes me restless [drops head into hands]

The boys agreed to wear matching black shirts tonight. Felix just picked whatever piece of clothing he has in white color and put it on, having no energy to dress up for tonight.

Killian offers him the extra black shirt he packed with him, "You can wear mine, mate!"

Cole can only laugh seeing him so restless as they're hanging out by the fire pit and talking about the new guy when that's the last thing he wants to talk about.

"Are you nervous?" Jamie asks.

Felix knows that Jamie tries to take a dig at him, "not really," he coyly answers.

If only he knew that Felix is so close to losing it.

FELIX: My head is all over the place right now... I refuse to show it. I don't want to show my weakness.

Felix tries not to think too much about it. However, when you show up linking your arm with the new guy, he slouched down on the sofa to hide himself.

"Ooh... she's smiling," Killian quietly informs him.

He tries so hard not to look no matter how much he wanted to. He doesn't want to see you're happy with someone else.

"This is not good, man!" Cole adds, putting Killian's words deeper into him.

Felix covers his eyes as if it would stop him from facing reality. Cole aggressively pats his knee and not stopping until he snaps his head his way.

"They're coming this way!" He informs.

"Oh, fuck!" Felix curses under his breath and sits straighter on the sofa.

Good thing that with the job he has as a model, he knows how to put on a good front even though he's dying inside. He takes a deep breath and put on a straight face.

"Hey, everyone," you greet them as you descend the stairs to the firepit.

"This is Josh," you introduce.

Instead of parting ways, you decide to sit next to each other on the sofa across from him.

FELIX: Fucking hell, man?!

Jamie decides to be the one breaking the awkward silence, "How was the date?"

Josh nods with a smile on his face, "it was good."

The answer doesn't quite give Jamie the satisfaction, so he turns to you for another answer.

"It was nice. I think we got on well," you answer and glance at Josh.

"I've chosen her for a reason and I enjoyed the date. I think I'm going to try, get to know her better," Josh adds after you.

It takes everything in him to not go at him or snatch you away, out of this retreat. Felix starts to heat, inside and outside.

FELIX: Josh is a nice-looking guy and I can see that he's on a mission. Well, he's going to be a big problem to me [gulps air]

"I'm sure you guys have a lot to talk about," Cole kindly put the conversation to an end.

"Josh, right? We'll introduce you to the girls," he gets up, indirectly telling everyone to come along as well so you and Felix can talk.

Once they left, you walk over and sit next to him. He takes your hand resting on the space between you and him, "it's nice to have you back," he says with a smile.

You lean on the sofa and sit facing him, "yeah?"

He swallows air before asking you the question he's been dying to know.

"How was the date? Really?" He asks and nervously gulps air, it's like no matter how much air he takes, he stays breathless.

"Well, I did tell him about you," you begin.

That's a good thing but it's too early to celebrate yet, "yeah?"

"But he said he doesn't care," you continue with an awkward laugh.

FELIX: Oh, Josh, man, I'll never let you step on my toes.

You fiddle with the end of your hair before looking him in the eyes and continue talking.

"Josh is a nice guy but..." you put all of your hair to the side, "we didn't do anything."

Felix can't help but let a smile blooms on his face hearing your words.

You playfully grab his biceps and squeeze on them, "No one was going to change my mind."

The smile grows wider on his face and he can finally breathe for the first time.

"I know we have something great going on and I don't want to throw that away," you say with a soft smile that matches the gaze.

But Felix has one more question to assure him that he's made the right choice, "Does this mean you like me?"

Your forehead wrinkles in confusion, "Of course, I like you. I wouldn't have tried if I don't."

FELIX: Tonight, I am the happiest man on this retreat. Possibly the luckiest too [grins]

Ecstatic, he throws himself at you, sending both of you toppled onto the sofa. He rests his head on your chest and lets you brush his hair like you always do, "You're sweating," you tell him.

Felix laughs his embarrassment away, "I tried to stay confident but I was struggling."

You coo at him and brush his hair to the back, "Well, I kind of want to make you sweat a little."

He puts his arms around you and nestles his head in your neck, "I'm glad to have you back, babe," he says.

He gets carried away that he leans in to kiss you to abruptly stops as he remembers Lana's rules and gasps in shock, "Oh, fuck!"

You cradle his head and kiss him on the cheek to compensate for it.

FELIX: I can't believe I'm about to thank Lana because this test only brought us closer, stronger. So thank you, Lana! [Blows a kiss to the camera]

The two new arrivals don't make a significant change except that the empty bed is now occupied.

Yeah, he's happy that Alex also stays with Laura and proves to everyone that he has a connection with her. However, Felix is too over the moon to even think about everyone else. His cheeks hurt from smiling non-stop and now he's about to spoil you with cuddles as you climb onto the bed.

Cole warns the new arrivals that he's watching even though his eyes are closed, earning a series of laughter from everyone.

The lights are out but with his heart full to the brim, Felix can't sleep. He touches you all over and places kisses on the skin he can land his lips on. He likes you so much and he always thinks that just saying it is not enough. He wants to show you with actions.

FELIX: We've been good lately so I don't see why we can't spend a little money [smirks]

Felix waits until the night got late.

When he deems that everyone is fast asleep, he begins by disrupting your sleep with slobbering kisses on your neck and face. His hand is placing fluttering touches on your body and once in a while, squeezes on the flesh.

He doesn't stop until you wake up from your slumber and when you do, he whispers into your ear, "Baby?"

You turn your head on your pillow and look at him with half-shut eyes, "why are you still awake?"

Instead of answering you, he kisses the nape of your neck, knowing that it's your sensitive spot.

"I like you so, so, so much," he whispers into your ear and emphasizes the words to you.

You lowly giggle, then tangle your hand in his hair, softly tugging at it, "I like you too, baby."

Catching you off guard, he turns your head by your chin and crashes his lips against yours.

FELIX: I'm so happy she chose me and I want to show her that [raises an eyebrow]

Felix gives you no time to stop him. He distracts you, keeping your mouth busy while he slides his hand down, swiftly sliding his hand inside your silk shorts. You whine against his lips as his hand makes contact with your sex, so soft and warm.

"Shh..." he hushed you.

Felix touches you as he would to a delicate flower, doing it so carefully and with so much tenderness. You pull the duvet to cover you and muffle any noises that may come out of you even though you have planted your mouth on his neck.

Felix hovers his head above you, watching your face in the dark as your breathless moans echo under the cover. He traces your fold, fingers lightly circling your clit and applying gentle pressures when he knows you're getting closer to coming undone, "Close?"

"Mmh," you hum in answer.

He keeps doing the same thing with more intensity and adds more speed to it. From the way your cunt pulsates under his touch, you're on the brink of your release. He kisses you whole to contain your moans and stops moving his hand once you hit your high, feeling your hand clawing at his shoulder.

As it gets suffocating staying under the cover, he retracts his hand and put the duvet away. He hovers above you and tenderly caresses your face with his knuckle.

"I'm so happy that you're with me," he tells you just in case, what he just did, did not quite deliver the message to you.

You put both hands around his neck and pull him close, sending him collapsing on top of you. You turn your head to only give him a chance to capture your lips in a rapturous kiss.

Felix doesn't even think about the money at that moment. All he thinks about is you, you, and you.

FELIX: Let's think about the money later, when it's time.

It's his bad behavior last night that makes you act super careful today. You're sitting on the far end of the sofa even though he's patting the space next to him.

"Why are you sitting so far away, babe?"

You shrug and adorably pout, "I'm setting uh... a safe space?"

He laughs at your excessive effort to not create another damage to the prize fund, "Come here!" He insists.

"I wouldn't do anything," he promises, "at least not in here."

You refrain from coming at him and remain where you are, shaking your head at him. Felix eventually comes to you and puts you on his lap.

"I didn't mean to break the rules," he explains, "I wanted to show you how much I like you."

You're poking his freckled cheek with your index finger, "we have to be good from now on."

He nods in agreement, "I agree."

You hold his chin and turn his head to face you, "I'm serious!"

"I'm serious," he convinces you.

You cover his mouth with your hand, "then stop pouting your lips at me."

He chuckles and puts your hand away, "My lips have always been like this."

You put his hand to cover his mouth this time, "From now on, you have to talk to me like this."

He refuses to obey, then puts his hand away, "No, I don't want to."

You try to get away from him but he's quick to hold you down, not letting you off his lap.

"Where are you going, mmh?" He's tickling your neck with his nose.

FELIX: Lana called us to the cabana and I am shitting it because of what we've done last night.

"Somebody better not ruin my good mood," Cole says once he's seated.

Felix shoots an uneasy glance at you and you turn his head away, avoiding looking him in the eyes. Nothing wouldn't change, he's ready to defend himself and you for what he did.

"There has been a breach of the rules."

Lana doesn't dillydally, she goes straight to business, and by business, he means putting him at a stake and about to set him on fire.

Heidi looks at everyone and coo, "Who's been bad?"

Felix remains calm despite his heart feeling like about to jump out of his chest. It's always better, to tell the truth fast than prolong the pain.

"We kissed last night," Felix blurts out.

"Again?" Laura asks with eyelids fluttering.

He takes a deep breath before coming up with his first defense, "I was so happy last night and got carried away, it felt right in the moment to do so."

Cole gives him a death glare, "Was that it? Just a kiss?"

Felix hates to disappoint him but he can't lie, he doesn't have a good poker face.

"Something else also happened last night," Felix's voice goes lower than it already is.

"Oh, no..." Killian exclaims next to him.

Lana takes control of the situation, "Last night, the two of you kissed multiple times."

Cole's eyes widen and are about to pop out of their sockets.

"But that's not all they did," Lana continues.

Here it is, Felix squeezes your clasped hand and braces himself for what's about to come.

"They're engaged in a prolonged, manual gratification."

FELIX: I'm not sorry for what I did but I admit I feel bad for letting everyone down by being selfish.

"You have cost the group a total of $33.000."

Felix turns to you, seeing you wince in both pain and disappointment. But he appreciates that you don't blame it all on him even though it wouldn't happen if he didn't lead you to it.

"I'm speechless as to how much we've lost money this fast," Heidi says with her voice heavily tinted with disappointment.

"The prize fund stands at $86.000."

Everyone gasps in shock and face-palm hearing the announcement.

Cole shakes his head and sighs, "We lost more than half of the money, fuck... sake..."

FELIX: Hearing it makes it real and I genuinely feel bad.

"Today, I asked you to respect my rules but instead of building deeper and meaningful confections, you have continued signs that you may not be here for the right reasons."

Felix's heart drops and his head goes straight thinking that he'd be sent home tonight. He holds your hand tighter because this probably would be his last to do so.

"Therefore, I'm setting you the ultimate test."

Oh? He can breathe a little knowing that it's not elimination.

"To see if you can adhere to my retreat rules under the most trying of circumstances."

You slightly shift on your seat and scoot closer to him.

"Tonight, you will spend the night alone in the private suite."

FELIX: I'm screwed. I don't trust myself, that's the problem.

It doesn't take a genius to know that everyone is too haste to pull a conclusion: that Felix will fail.

"To be honest guys, I've always been the one who initiated it but not tonight," Felix makes a promise to himself and everyone.

"I'll not break any rules," he states and hopes that no one hears how his voice is quivering at the end of the sentence.

"If you did, that would be the most disrespectful thing you do to us," Cole says.

Felix raises his hand as if he's making an oath, "I promise."

"Please make your way to the private suite!" Lana orders.

FELIX: The pressure is on but it's the only way to prove that we have a real connection.

You jump onto the bed the second you both entered the private suite.

"Oh, it's so nice," you sigh, laying on the bed with a sheer dress on and looking at him with dreamy eyes.

"Stop looking so sexy," he says, getting on the bed and lying next to you.

The bed is much softer than the ones in the shared bedroom and covered in silk sheets. He looks around and sees sex toys, condoms, and even lubricants provided at the side of the bed.

"What do you want to do first?" You ask with a sultry voice.

Felix is not sure if you're being playful or trying to seduce him. Either way, he decides to play along with you, "First, I'll take your clothes off."

"Yep."

He glides his hand down your curve, "Then I'll give you head."

"And I’ll return the favor after," you continue with a sly smile.

That gets his eyebrow raised in excitement, "And after that…"

"And after that?" You repeat his words then bite your lower lip.

This is a dangerous game but Felix wants to test his limit, sees how far he can go, "We'll do some more foreplay, use a sex toy or two," he's eyeing the selections of sex toys on the bedside table.

You delightfully hum and turn over to lay on your stomach, "And after that?"

He takes a deep breath as he can vividly imagine it in his head in real-time, "Sex, " he lowers his hand to the curve of your ass, "Lots and lots of sex," he shamelessly adds.

You locked in an intense gaze with him and purposely lower your voice as you ask him, "What are you waiting for then?"

FELIX: Lana, what makes you think it's a good idea to put me in a room with her and not do anything? [Shakes head in disbelief]

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