#I don't vent art often but it felt good to express myself this way

[sunnyaliceart]

I'd be lying if I said I haven't been having a hard time lately. It's been a very tough year. Rainy reminds me it's ok to cry. If I cry, I'll cry, but I'll still keep going, I just need to take a moment to cry.

[aibouart]

admittedly, i am afraid to talk about this, but have wanted to for a long while. i don't see a lot of people discuss this kind of thing, but i decided to do so for the me who was struggling and didn't know. also i have no idea where i am going with this and it's very late for me rn so here's a whole ass ramble on vent art. and also a bit more on how it's impacting how i view my art, now. i am terribly sorry if it's not very cohesive, my thoughts on it aren't yet cohesive either WOOPS

i wanted to talk a bit about how vent art really impacted my mental health, and how the idea that art needs some kind of meaning to have meaning really has been weighing on me lately (i know this is a concept i am assigning to my work and is not actually the norm/standard expectation of others consuming art. but it IS a sentiment i have seen enough that does impact me).

i want to specify, obviously i am not saying vent art is bad.

nor that doing vent pieces, or vent blogs, will ultimately result in what i went through for a number of years. rather, that this did happen to me, and there is a near impossible chance i am a unique case in any experience i will ever have. if you do vent art and it helps you, that's good! im not judging anyone for anything here. if your experience does not match my own, that's what it's like to be human~. i am not invalidating anyone on purpose by sharing my own experience. sorry for the insane disclaimer but it will eat me alive if i go to sleep thinking "what if they think x cuz i didn't say y and think im a terrible person"

---

i used to do vent art frequently (you won't find much on here as it was uploaded to a personal at the time). anytime i felt down or had a line of dialogue in my head making me feel bad in a way, i would draw for it. but the way i had interacted with it was really unhealthy. it became a terrible feedback loop where i'd feel bad, draw how i felt bad, look at the art, and ruminate even more on how i felt bad, until it spiralled so out of control i would lose touch with reality and get lost entirely in feeling like garbage.

i would just get so lost in the cycle with vent art that it would make my mental space worse and worse, and i would use the vent art as a negative confirmation bias. the words that hurt me i wrote down and anytime i looked again, they would hurt me again. but i would keep looking, and i would keep drawing.

i have always used art as an outlet, but for some reason the way vent art impacted me was unhealthy. it wasn't a good outlet. and it took me years to cut ties with it. i relied on vent art for a long time, but it took a lot of introspection and thinking to realise it wasn't the release i thought it was. and it was hard to let go, too.

i haven't touched the blog in a few months, now. i haven't done much vent art at all since then and genuinely, i've been doing SOOO much better. i no longer ruminate nearly as much as i had done so, i no longer get caught in a feedback loop that lasts for days to weeks. i still feel like garbage like people tend to do, but i don't put myself in a cycle over it anymore. i have gone back to it a few times in moments of desperation, but what used to be every week/every few weeks is now once a month maybe. and not to the extent at all (i would oftentimes post ~20 images in one night, before).

but i keep thinking about how, while the way i had done vent art was bad for my mental health, i keep feeling that just because i do sparkly cute and happy drawings, now, or drawings with no real meaning, that my art has nothing beyond face value... i do like a lot of my vent art. i think their compositions, or hidden messages and meanings, or colour use, was interesting.

but it wasn't worth the price for me.

so i am a bit caught in an in-between, here. my favourite form of art is the expression of love-you liked something so much, you dedicated time to draw it. and yet i cannot ascribe that to my own work very often. i think that man i wish i could make art with some kind of deeper meaning, that speaks to people, that's more than just pretty colours or shiny shading or a character everyone likes, or a character i like. but i just... don't know if it's for me.

ultimately, i could develop a healthy relationship with expressing and exploring negative emotions or experiences through art, but... do i want to? do i have to? do i need to? is it not enough to just draw something because... i like it..?

of course, the answer is yes, draw what you want, draw how you want, it's your art. but i am still trying to come to terms with that idea. i dont want to be seen as some shallow artist who just draws what's cute and pretty because they can and it's all they can think of, but like what if that's just what i like to draw??

in the end, that alone is good enough, drawing because you like to, because it's fun, because you like the thing you're dedicating time to creating for. it's just hard to grapple with after discarding a type of art that i felt was the only way i drew "for real".

anyways i am sorry this is soooo fucking long, and for all the clarifications (IM STILL NOT SAYING VENT ART BAD AND EVERYONE WILL DO WHAT I DID!! Dx) and the fact i had no real point here (probably)

anyways i will continue to draw what i want because i like to, as i have always been.

[peterbaldsphynx]

Later, The Coffee Gets Cold.

This. This doesn't always simmers quietly under the surface, but the kind that moves like a storm inside. We've always been here, experience it, and yet, it's one of those mastery we still have to be conscious about.

The art of mastering whirlwind of emotions, prolly easier to lose and letting it take over (on a moderate amount) and make things we wouldn't normally do (I repeat, moderation is the key. Some may classify certain activities like bungee-jumping might still on that list, as I am🙏). I am having this kind of moment right now. It's loud and bothersome, but often, it's just mask for other things like frustration, helplessness or even fear. This, the fluctuative hormones we couldn't bear.

But here's the thing, like all emotions, this particular emotion is fleeting. Some may say it as anger or sadness. Powerful, but it doesn't have to control you. Simply ride it out and peek on the other side with a clearer head and lighter breath. It's not about suppressing or pretending it doesn't exist. It's more to finding the right ways to express it, to vent it, so it doesn't get intrusive.

Well, naturally, there are times when this become so intense that it needs to be expressed, stated, heard. It just some part of the complex tapestry of emotions that make us human. For me, to cool things down, my cortisol reduction strategy mostly involves physical activity to tire myself out. Such as running hard (even though I don't usually run since I might collapse. The risk of exhaustion is a real thing, like seriously. But I just did! And my feet felt numb:/). Another demanding ones like front-crawl swim, reaping cattle feed (this is by far the most tiring). Some others are singing, chat it out with a good food, reading, library-hopping, random trip, and here I am doing my last resort hope it works, writing.

*inserting related-snaps*

So next time you're feeling that rage build up, remember, it's okay.

It's okay to let it out. Just make sure you're doing it in a way that honors your well-being and the well-being of those around you.

As this too shall pass, cheers to no transient impulsive judgments!🤜🏻🤛🏻

[deadendtracks]

I'm really trying to hold off on judging PB until the end, but man it's hard given that I'm struggling to truly love this season. I think my biggest issue is that it just feels depressingly dark. There's no balance to Tommy's downward spiral. I can't imagine rewatching it like other seasons. And what was the point of killing Ruby? Yet another female character gone. Polly's daughter was killed too. But Tommy has another son, of course. Sorry to vent, it's just so bleak right now

Like I said, I was only speaking for myself when I said I was holding off judging, and I completely understand that other people might react differently. It is very dark and depressing.

I was expressing this in another venue but for me -- and again, this is *only* for me -- this season and last have felt very cathartic. There's just been something about the way every piece of mainstream contemporary media I've watched during the past two (or more) years has absolutely failed to grapple in any real way with the state of things that for Peaky to do this feels like a relief to me.

Like yes, this is how it feels. This is how bad it is. This is how right now feels to me.

I grew up in a family where everything was very often terrible but no one ever acknowledged it and you can feel incredibly gaslit (you are incredibly gaslit). So going to work every day and trying to do mundane things like look for an apartment and grocery shop ... while all of THIS is going on and everything I watch just pretends it isn't happening (no matter how much I very much need an escape from it sometimes) has really gotten to me.

Anyway I'm not trying to tell you what to feel about it, and your other points have validity, but this is how I feel about it and why I appreciate it. Things are fucking bleak. Sometimes there is no balance to a downward spiral. I don't know.

I do think the responses to this season are incredibly varied for good reason. This is all very very subjective, as art usually is. But I think the bottom line is you are allowed to feel the way you do about it and I'm allowed to feel the way I do about it and neither of those things requires either of us to be 'right' about it because it's an emotional response to something we have loved and found value in for possibly very different reasons. And everyone has different needs that it may or may not be meeting right now.