#I don't vent art often but it felt good to express myself this way

[aibouart]

admittedly, i am afraid to talk about this, but have wanted to for a long while. i don't see a lot of people discuss this kind of thing, but i decided to do so for the me who was struggling and didn't know. also i have no idea where i am going with this and it's very late for me rn so here's a whole ass ramble on vent art. and also a bit more on how it's impacting how i view my art, now. i am terribly sorry if it's not very cohesive, my thoughts on it aren't yet cohesive either WOOPS

i wanted to talk a bit about how vent art really impacted my mental health, and how the idea that art needs some kind of meaning to have meaning really has been weighing on me lately (i know this is a concept i am assigning to my work and is not actually the norm/standard expectation of others consuming art. but it IS a sentiment i have seen enough that does impact me).

i want to specify, obviously i am not saying vent art is bad.

nor that doing vent pieces, or vent blogs, will ultimately result in what i went through for a number of years. rather, that this did happen to me, and there is a near impossible chance i am a unique case in any experience i will ever have. if you do vent art and it helps you, that's good! im not judging anyone for anything here. if your experience does not match my own, that's what it's like to be human~. i am not invalidating anyone on purpose by sharing my own experience. sorry for the insane disclaimer but it will eat me alive if i go to sleep thinking "what if they think x cuz i didn't say y and think im a terrible person"

---

i used to do vent art frequently (you won't find much on here as it was uploaded to a personal at the time). anytime i felt down or had a line of dialogue in my head making me feel bad in a way, i would draw for it. but the way i had interacted with it was really unhealthy. it became a terrible feedback loop where i'd feel bad, draw how i felt bad, look at the art, and ruminate even more on how i felt bad, until it spiralled so out of control i would lose touch with reality and get lost entirely in feeling like garbage.

i would just get so lost in the cycle with vent art that it would make my mental space worse and worse, and i would use the vent art as a negative confirmation bias. the words that hurt me i wrote down and anytime i looked again, they would hurt me again. but i would keep looking, and i would keep drawing.

i have always used art as an outlet, but for some reason the way vent art impacted me was unhealthy. it wasn't a good outlet. and it took me years to cut ties with it. i relied on vent art for a long time, but it took a lot of introspection and thinking to realise it wasn't the release i thought it was. and it was hard to let go, too.

i haven't touched the blog in a few months, now. i haven't done much vent art at all since then and genuinely, i've been doing SOOO much better. i no longer ruminate nearly as much as i had done so, i no longer get caught in a feedback loop that lasts for days to weeks. i still feel like garbage like people tend to do, but i don't put myself in a cycle over it anymore. i have gone back to it a few times in moments of desperation, but what used to be every week/every few weeks is now once a month maybe. and not to the extent at all (i would oftentimes post ~20 images in one night, before).

but i keep thinking about how, while the way i had done vent art was bad for my mental health, i keep feeling that just because i do sparkly cute and happy drawings, now, or drawings with no real meaning, that my art has nothing beyond face value... i do like a lot of my vent art. i think their compositions, or hidden messages and meanings, or colour use, was interesting.

but it wasn't worth the price for me.

so i am a bit caught in an in-between, here. my favourite form of art is the expression of love-you liked something so much, you dedicated time to draw it. and yet i cannot ascribe that to my own work very often. i think that man i wish i could make art with some kind of deeper meaning, that speaks to people, that's more than just pretty colours or shiny shading or a character everyone likes, or a character i like. but i just... don't know if it's for me.

ultimately, i could develop a healthy relationship with expressing and exploring negative emotions or experiences through art, but... do i want to? do i have to? do i need to? is it not enough to just draw something because... i like it..?

of course, the answer is yes, draw what you want, draw how you want, it's your art. but i am still trying to come to terms with that idea. i dont want to be seen as some shallow artist who just draws what's cute and pretty because they can and it's all they can think of, but like what if that's just what i like to draw??

in the end, that alone is good enough, drawing because you like to, because it's fun, because you like the thing you're dedicating time to creating for. it's just hard to grapple with after discarding a type of art that i felt was the only way i drew "for real".

anyways i am sorry this is soooo fucking long, and for all the clarifications (IM STILL NOT SAYING VENT ART BAD AND EVERYONE WILL DO WHAT I DID!! Dx) and the fact i had no real point here (probably)

anyways i will continue to draw what i want because i like to, as i have always been.

[alchemiclee]

on Anon because i could never confess this with my name attached. saw your #disabled artist post and wanted to share my struggle, as i am also dealing with that and chronic pain. okay, so here i go: i have a job that drains the life out of me and i have a condition that makes it hard for me to sit down for long periods of time - so even though i have done art for year, i have not acquired the same mad skills that others have. and maybe i never will. man i would love to do this for a living, BUT. I dont think I can. (And i think i have made peace with that.) professional art is for people who are fit to be competitive with each other, i am not in a place to even enter the competition (same with some fan events and stuff that have deadlines ect.). my art is not sellable. And sometimes i am so mad that others can do what i physicially cant and i am furious that it is what it is, but also, it is not worth my very limited energy to get worked up over it. other artists dont own me endless support, other artists are often struggling just as much, even if i cant see it. its tough out there maaan, and i just cant make my very personal struggles the problems of others. i happily take support when its giving, but I would never demand it (so its not happening often tbh), do not want to rely on it. like this i am more at peace with myself. so this will be my forever hobby, because i am still trying to learn the art skills and dont have the spoons to learn the professional skills (marketing, competing, running a business with that orange man in charge of this county) on top of that. i now focus to try to find a few selected people to share my art with, who know about me and appreciate the art for what it is. like this, its okay if i draw like once a year even. sharing this with you because your struggles seem oh so familiar, because i have felt the same anger and hopelessness. but also, your anger sounds like something you should take time to examine and analyze with yourself. the art scene is fucked, but i promise not the whole world art is against you.

(but if you accuse all the other artists of being against you because they are not giving you extra special support, you are probably pushing them away.

at least that was how it was for me.) I am not good with social speaking (hello disability), so apologies if this oversteps.

Take care. -anon L

I get you anon. you are seen and heard. I understand you and i'm offering a hand to walk along the path with you so you know you aren't alone and i'm wishing and hoping the best for you. may you be able to make art in some way or another and find ways to accommodate yourself so you can find the joys of creating! maybe there's a way to do it, or maybe being at peace with what you *can* do is all you need!

ok so now I need to vent about the one part that stood out to me in this message, bare with me here as this is YEARS of built up frustration:

(disclaimer: this with this isn't directly to anon, this is to ALL ARTISTS EVERYWHERE. because you all are probably guilty of this! and it's something that upsets me so much. disclaimer 2: i let my mind go on an unfiltered rant and was going to try to proofread and condense this, but i do not have the time or energy. so you get messy, unfiltered autistic rage. but i'll hide it at least because it's long)

ART IS NOT A COMPETITION!!!!! I don't care what anyone says, it should not ever be!!!!!

art is a freedom of expression and a positive thing we can share with the world. even if it involves making money, it's still better off not being a competition for money unless you're literally joining a competition for a money prize. maybe artists need to sometimes be competitive with capitalistm/consumerism in a job setting (like job interviews and applying for things) BUT NOT WITH EACH OTHER! not on social media or even as self-employed artists on the internet! no one benefits from competing with each other here! we are not each other's enemies! everyone would benefit more from being kind and supportive and lifting each other up! capitalism has infected everyone and is ruining so many things. DONT LET IT WIN! DONT LET IT RUIN ART! DONT LET IT MAKE YOU COLD AND DISTSNT AND AFRAID TO HELP OR BEFRIEND OTHER ARTISTS! (especially if they aren't even trying to profit and just want to be seen and share their creations!)

the thing about art is if someone likes your art, your friend being good at art isn't going to make that person choose their art over yours. if someone likes their art they will buy both your arts, follow both of you, reblog both arts. i've seen people get commissions simply for being a nice person rather than having competitive art!

you aren't "losing" anything, not followers or customers to anyone by being kind to another artist or being their friend. not even if you share their art or leave a nice comment. they arent stealing from you if you tell them what kind of paper you use for your stickers or what brushes you use in your art program. people won't leave you if you collab with other artists and bond with them. it's not as competitive as everyone thinks in *that* way. it's more beneficial for everyone to be kind/friendly and maybe help each other out once in a while. stand by each other when the world wants to step on us all!

we all make different arts, we aren't factories pumping out the same cheap things and trying to sell the exact same products to the same customers. this isn't generic brands vs name brands. big artists shouldn't act or be treated like a "name brand" While smaller artists are treated like "generic" and therefore "worse" (when in reality name brand and generic things at stores are the exact same thing and made in the same place! bought by different companies and packaged differently!) we are creating very different handmade creations with our hearts and souls, so there should be nothing to compete about!

maybe i'm just too autistic and optimistic about humans in general to understand the point in stepping on others and competing over everything, especially something in the creative realm, something that should being us together! in the past, art of all kinds brought people together. past people bonded over the arts. capitalism ruined that. we should fight against it! I see more value for EVERYONE by doing the opposite of falling into capitalism grasp. and I think everyone is important and deserves equal opportunities and support. I don't see how that benefits you in the grand scheme or in the end of it all to make it all a comptiton and try being at the top all alone. but I guess if all you want money and fame, you can play dirty alone. but that sounds so miserable and pointless to me personally.

I see it the opposite way and dont understand the obsession with those things outside of being able to survive. but we can't survive on our own???? so why is there shame put on leaning on others and getting help/support in life? why is LIVING and SURVIVING IN GENERAL considered a competition?!

maybe this is just a "me" thing. I value connection and kindness over money and fame. i'm not trying to step on other artists or use them like they want to believe I will. like truly, genuinely. I see us all as equals deserving of equal opportunities and want us all to thrive and survive. but I also want to simply connect with others and lift them up, but it would BE NICE if it was mutual. not saying I demand it. just that I would like it, I want it. is it wrong to want to get back what you give sometimes? it's not even all the time. just SOMETIMES. because in the end, it makes more sense to lift each other up instead of purposely trying to step on others.

by support from other artists, i'm never meaning financial. i'm meaning mostly connection, kindness, being helpful, etc. you don't lose anything from doing these things! hell, you can even benefit if that's still all that matters to you even after i've said all this. maybe my definition of support is different from anon and other people. to me support can simply mean being kind to each other. leaving a little nice comment on am art. sending a small message of encouragement. showing interest. reblogging. answering a question. replying back. sharing inspiration, working together on something, etc. it doesn't need to be some big showy display or dropping a ton of money. there's many ways to show support that don't take anything from you to do it!

as a metaphor: imagine being a kid that loves to finger paint. the highest honor as a kid is your parents hanging your art on the fridge. imagine you have a friend at school that you paint with. one day you exchange art with each other. hanging each other's art on your fridge wont hurt you. your family won't give your allowance to your friend if you put their art on your fridge next to yours. it will make each other happy to see your art hung up at their house and it feels good if your friend happily shows it off to your family! but if you hung your friends art up and went to their house and found your art in their trash or hidden under a bunch of junk, that just feels bad for you. imagine they said it's because they're afraid their family will like your art more and stop telling them their art is good and they want to be better than you and get all the attention instead. it doesn't benefit them at all to act this way and refuse to hang up your art, because that competition in their head isnt real, but it hurts you and hurts your friendship.

it's just nice to mutually be nice???? idk. how do I explain this so it makes sense to people who want all the nice things for themselves only and refuse to give nice things back? 😭 maybe there's no hope for you people and I should give up....stop handing out the benefit of the doubt and thinking you can stop being brainwashed by capitalism.

also i'm not saying other artists "owe" me anything. I certainly don't expect them to buy my art and financially support me. I don't *expect* anything else either. I just want and think it would be nice if a few artists I reach out to would be friendly, maybe follow back or reply to me when i ask a question, maybe share my art once in a while too. Just match even half the effort I give! bond with me! connect with me! collab with me! share our love of creating! be excited for and with each other! support each other so we both feel kindness in this cruel unforgiving world!

sometimes we share common things and I think we could be friends. but they ignore me because they think i'm a threat to them? but i'm not???? I genuinely don't get it!!!!

I don't ask much often. but there have been times i've tried to befriend other artists for YEARS because we are in the same fandom and have much in common. but they're so competitive for no reason that they act super snooty and elitist, treat me like a fan rather than a fellow artist, ignore me for years, and then when I became slightly "relevant" (more followers) demand I support them even more before they consider following me back. then if they do follow back, they demand I make art specifically for THEM or they will unfollow, all while they dont even interact with me or my art at all. they ignore dms even after begging people to give them attention because they're so "lonely" and want friends, but tell me they lied and dont want friends, just attention. that's just rude. and this kind of thing happened more than once! (I think one of these people even had something to do with the bullying I received from other artists I tried to befriend and joined a collab with as well)

why do I have to put up with this shit because people think i'm trying to compete with them?! these stupid social competition games are doing more harm than good!!!! they aren't helping anyone! they're just hurting the vulnerable artists that can't or dont want to play these games!

it's always better to stick together in tough times and difficult situations. lifting each other up is better than tearing others down and stepping on them. you get further up if someone willingly boosts you onto their shoulders versus if you push them to their knees and step on their backs. I don't get why people can't understand this! it's society and capitalism and the few on "top" that are our enemies. we are not each other's enemies! if we stand together, we out number them! maybe it really is just me being autistic and my weird little "sense of justice" or whatever is kicking in. but I just do not understand the point of being competitive about this! I just want everyone to get along and have a cute little community!

reblogging others' art won't make people unfollow you to follow them instead. being friendly to other artists won't make you lose customers. following smaller artists that make art you like or share a fandom or you relate to wont make you lose commissions. collabing with other artists won't make them "win" something over you, answering an artist where you get your stickers made won't make you lose sales. it's nice to do. it can make someone's day or help them find their audience. you shouldn't do things only to try to benefit from it yourself and avoid things you think won't benefit you at all. sometimes benefitting others can benefit you too though.

it's not other artists that are the competition. it's greed and capitalism. we need to fight ai together. and art theft. and the rich stealing from the poor. fight the orange dingus and his tariffs. etc. we are bigger and stronger together as one than as millions of individuals fighting amongst ourselves. that's what they want. the capitalism machine won't help us. it wants us to fight each other. but we can help each other! even if it's just simply being nice and not cold, standoffish, snobby, elitist, and competitive!

once again, this might just be my autism, odd over optimistic way of looking at certain things, naivety, and sometimes lacking the ability to "put myself in others shoes" speaking, so I truly do not get it and don't understand why people cant see things my way. i'm not saying people *need* to do this my way. but I don't get why i'm always told that "competition is necessary/just the way it is, so either get used to it or give up completely" when IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE THAT WAY. I PROMISE!!!!!!! when will someone believe me and feel the same way!!!!! I feel truly alone in this because everyone is so convinced that the competition is feature instead of a massive flaw! and it's all because the ones on top feel threatened by the ones below and think they'll lose if they share the same stage when there's room for everyone actually! of course the ones this shitty system benefit will always be on top. but why can't we teach them to share and lift the people who this system works against (like us disabled people)? if people like competition then they can join art competitions specifically. I refuse to take part in competition!!!! so other artists need to stop competing with me! I don't approve or consent to it! it's like in school a few girls who also did art would try to compete with me and bullied me because they thought I was "winning" at it and all I wanted was to be friends and draw together 💔 I was so hurt and confused and didn't understand why they treated me how they did until it was explained to me years later that they were jealous of my art and trying to compete with me. but I don't understand why they didn't just be nice and be my friends and we could have had nice things together???? we could have all won if they stopped competing with me for absolutely no reason! when I didn't even know there was a competition???

competition is for playing Mario kart with your friends. NOT FOR BRINGING YOUR BEAUTIFUL CREATIONS INTO THE WORLD!

again, i'm just a naive autisic person that maybe doesn't get it. typical autism braining is going on probably. People who don't understand autism ways of thinking won't get this so idk why i'm even bringing it up tbh. but with the way my brain works, even if people try to explain, I still won't get it and i'll still be super angry about this no matter what. because why can't you just. not????

ok rant over. (and again, unfiltered autistic ranting not directed at anon, but instead directed at everyone because maybe something every artist should think about. I only see people perpetuate competitionon on purpose and no one trying to speak out and fight against it and it's so lonely here with this super unpopular opinion 😭 im not looking for people to argue with me or try to change my mind. I just wanted to vent. if im looking for anyone, it would be people who hate competition as much as i do and relate! because ive only ever had people trying to convince me competition is good and necessary but it makes me wanna not exist actually lmao)

also anon (if you make it this far) I don't accuse all other artists of being against me for not getting "extra special support" I only accuse the ones who bullied and ignored me for giving them "extra special support" and then they treat me like a fan instead of a friend and im never welcomed to their little cliques. that's not me pushing them away. that's them pushing *me* away! just thought I'd point that part out. but im too autistic to figure out how people and social games work, so this isn't an art exclusive thing. maybe this is a people problem in general that i can't figure out because thanks autism!!!)

[peterbaldsphynx]

Later, The Coffee Gets Cold.

This. This doesn't always simmers quietly under the surface, but the kind that moves like a storm inside. We've always been here, experience it, and yet, it's one of those mastery we still have to be conscious about.

The art of mastering whirlwind of emotions, prolly easier to lose and letting it take over (on a moderate amount) and make things we wouldn't normally do (I repeat, moderation is the key. Some may classify certain activities like bungee-jumping might still on that list, as I am). I am having this kind of moment right now. It's loud and bothersome, but often, it's just mask for other things like frustration, helplessness or even fear. This, the fluctuative hormones we couldn't bear.

But here's the thing, like all emotions, this particular emotion is fleeting. Some may say it as anger or sadness. Powerful, but it doesn't have to control you. Simply ride it out and peek on the other side with a clearer head and lighter breath. It's not about suppressing or pretending it doesn't exist. It's more to finding the right ways to express it, to vent it, so it doesn't get intrusive.

Well, naturally, there are times when this become so intense that it needs to be expressed, stated, heard. It just some part of the complex tapestry of emotions that make us human. For me, to cool things down, my cortisol reduction strategy mostly involves physical activity to tire myself out. Such as running hard (even though I don't usually run since I might collapse. The risk of exhaustion is a real thing, like seriously. But I just did! And my feet felt numb:/). Another demanding ones like front-crawl swim, reaping cattle feed (this is by far the most tiring). Some others are singing, chat it out with a good food, reading, library-hopping, random trip, and here I am doing my last resort hope it works, writing.

*inserting related-snaps*

So next time you're feeling that rage build up, remember, it's okay.

It's okay to let it out. Just make sure you're doing it in a way that honors your well-being and the well-being of those around you.

As this too shall pass, cheers to no transient impulsive judgments!

[deadendtracks]

I'm really trying to hold off on judging PB until the end, but man it's hard given that I'm struggling to truly love this season. I think my biggest issue is that it just feels depressingly dark. There's no balance to Tommy's downward spiral. I can't imagine rewatching it like other seasons. And what was the point of killing Ruby? Yet another female character gone. Polly's daughter was killed too. But Tommy has another son, of course. Sorry to vent, it's just so bleak right now

Like I said, I was only speaking for myself when I said I was holding off judging, and I completely understand that other people might react differently. It is very dark and depressing.

I was expressing this in another venue but for me -- and again, this is *only* for me -- this season and last have felt very cathartic. There's just been something about the way every piece of mainstream contemporary media I've watched during the past two (or more) years has absolutely failed to grapple in any real way with the state of things that for Peaky to do this feels like a relief to me.

Like yes, this is how it feels. This is how bad it is. This is how right now feels to me.

I grew up in a family where everything was very often terrible but no one ever acknowledged it and you can feel incredibly gaslit (you are incredibly gaslit). So going to work every day and trying to do mundane things like look for an apartment and grocery shop ... while all of THIS is going on and everything I watch just pretends it isn't happening (no matter how much I very much need an escape from it sometimes) has really gotten to me.

Anyway I'm not trying to tell you what to feel about it, and your other points have validity, but this is how I feel about it and why I appreciate it. Things are fucking bleak. Sometimes there is no balance to a downward spiral. I don't know.

I do think the responses to this season are incredibly varied for good reason. This is all very very subjective, as art usually is. But I think the bottom line is you are allowed to feel the way you do about it and I'm allowed to feel the way I do about it and neither of those things requires either of us to be 'right' about it because it's an emotional response to something we have loved and found value in for possibly very different reasons. And everyone has different needs that it may or may not be meeting right now.