#I don't think anyone else knows w/certainty either

[elephantbitterhead]

Probable tedium ahead, re: Hannah Crawford (again)

I thought of a slightly more charitable interpretation of that stupid Hannah Crawford claim from earlier. The least charitable version says the human brain -- for reasons that are unstated and remain entirely opaque -- cannot distinguish between experiencing an event in real life and experiencing it by reading/seeing/hearing a fictional account. This interpretation of Crawford is what motivates the twitter comment about her stance being insulting to those who have experienced being assaulted in real life -- the idea that experiencing an assault in reality is somehow the same as experiencing it via a fictional depiction.

This view, if it is her view, seems indefensibly dumb. Even if we just take the most superficial aspects of being assaulted -- e.g. being injured or experiencing physical contact with another person -- it's immediately clear that none of those things are happening to the person experiencing it via fiction. So it's obviously wrong in that regard. If her claim is that it's somehow ~*neurobiologically*~ the same, then she needs to do a lot more work to make this claim tenable & it's not clear that work can actually be done.

For example, is the idea that I, the fictional experiencer, am undergoing the same neurochemical events as the person being assaulted? This seems unlikely given how different our situations are, but OK, maybe. However, I feel quite sure we don't have the science to back this claim up -- we could get it, perhaps, but I don't think we have it to hand. Also, for the sake of argument, let's say I AM undergoing these same neurochemical events -- so what? What does that mean? Why does it matter? What reason do we have to think that any of that chemical activity even translates into a conscious experience of any kind? Lots of chemical events happen in the brain that don't map onto any kind of thought/feeling/etc.

In short, this is a not-great view that is pathetically underargued. It's also very counterintuitive so it's probably not what she means.

So let's try a slightly more charitable version of Crawford's claim. Perhaps she's saying that the human brain at some important (biological?) level does not distinguish real events from fictional events. That is, if I read a fictional account of a mountaineer struggling on the Eiger face, my brain parses this as a non-fictional account of someone struggling on the Eiger face. So it's not that I'm somehow having the same experience as the struggling mountaineer, like it would be in the less-charitable interpretation. Instead, here the claim is that in some ambiguous respect the brain cannot distinguish the real from the not real. When the brain encounters fiction it uniformly interprets it -- again for unstated reasons --as a story about a real person.

Based on Crawford's invocation of the amygdala, I can only imagine this is some kind of neurochemical/neurobiological claim. Perhaps at the level of conscious thought & belief I can tell the real from the not real, but my poor caveman-brain neurochemical system cannot. This strikes me as a weird and perhaps pointless assertion. I think we can all agree that in many cases people can distinguish fact from fiction with varying degrees of accuracy; there will be problem cases, as always, but we don't need to argue about whether that basic ability exists.

Given that we can clearly do that at the macro level, the question is becomes why the neurochemical level would matter at all. As with the previous interpretation of Crawford's claim, why do the associated neurochemical events have any relevance here? Again, let's generously allow that I experience the same neurochemical events whether I am witnessing a 'real' tragedy or merely reading about it. Is the idea supposed to be that I'm somehow going to blow out my amygdala? That I only get a fixed number of tragedy brain-reactions in my lifetime & I'm wasting them on fiction? This seems improbable & we certainly don't have evidence to support this claim.

Or is it that I'm somehow supposed to be hardening myself to real-life tragedy by repeatedly exposing my amygdala to the neurochemical events of fictional tragedy? So I'm not running out of tragedy brain-reactions, but I'm somehow making my brain chemically (??) less responsive to tragedy by overexposing it to tragedy reactions. This sounds to me like a strange claim (and again one that would require A LOT more scientific support). How do we get this crossover from the neurochemical to the level of thought & belief? We agreed earlier that we can usually tell the bulk of fact & fiction apart -- how does the amygdala blast start making this fall apart? Why does it fall apart in this direction -- that is, why is the result that I care LESS about real-world tragedy instead of just freaking out about fictional tragedy MORE? This view also seems to entail that people who experience a lot of tragedy firsthand should -- as they become desensitized -- react more indifferently to later tragedies, and intuitively it seems that the opposite is actually the case. Well, up until the point where they're just destroyed, obvs -- but that kind of destruction isn't what we see in people who read/see/etc. a lot of tragedy fiction. They're not sitting around hollow eyed, unconcerned about whether they live or die -- that's a different situation, although if it's all down to neurochemistry that's supposed to be the same in both cases, it seems like it shouldn't be. In addition, this version of Crawford's view also starts sounding perilously like the people who believe in the emotional-desensitization-via-fiction narrative, a view we know to be at odds with actual research in this area. What that shows us is that fiction often makes people MORE sensitive to these events (esp. in the lives of people unlike themselves), not less.

Anyhow, I cannot come up with a way to understand her claim that is not one of these two versions. Both are bad & I feel very confident that she has no solid argument or data to support either stance. Maybe that's why, rather than making any solid scientific assertions about the neurochemistry at issue, she only says 'What do you think this content is doing to our amygdalas?' -- because she doesn't know.

[sinnimoth]

Experimental

Slow. That's how he went with him. Moran was slowly thrusting into Wyatt as he gripped his hips. Wyatt had his face buried in his pillow. It was either to muffle his moans or to hide his embarrassment. Moran bit his lip harder as he snapped his hips into the other. This earned him a loud moan from the one on the bottom. "B-be fucking c-careful!" Wyatt mumbled out. Moran let out breathless chuckle as he picked up the pace slightly. Wyatt gripped the bedsheets as he moaned louder. Moran tried everything to not absolutely lose control and just go wild. But he didn't want to go too hard on him and potentially lose one of his friends. Although, he did try to reach over to Wyatt's throbbing member, wanting to give him the same pleasure he was feeling. This resulted in a harsh smack to his thigh. "Don't even think about it." Warned a muffled Wyatt.

Wyatt had many thoughts run through his head. 'How is he that good? This shouldn't feel this great.' Despite "slightly" enjoying it, he mentally cursed at himself. Why did he ask Moran of all people to experiment? He could've asked anyone else. Hell, he didn't even have to ask anyone and could've figured it out on his own. His thoughts were cut short as the pace picked up more. His moans grew even louder than before. Wyatt snapped his head to look at Moran.

"H-h-hey! W-we f-fucking- mmph~! Agreed you'd *grunt!* b-be slow with- haa~! This!" He managed to yell out, with a mixture of frustration and pleasure across his face. Moran gripped his hips more, still biting down on his lip. "C-c'mon. The quicker i *grunt* go with t-this, the sooner- mmph..~ This'll be over." He replied with a sly smirk. Wyatt rolled his eyes as he groaned from both annoyance and pleasure. "Besides, you feel so damn tight. Starting to make me lose it.~" He moaned out. And before Wyatt could even process what he said, Moran started thrusting at a rapid pace. Wyatt couldn't even bury his head back into his pillow due to loudly he was screaming out. A series of moans, swears, voice cracks and pants all erupted from his throat. He was sure his knuckles turned white due to how tight he was gripping his sheets.

His aching member became twice more apparent. Suddenly, he was sat upright, leaning into Moran's chest. And then, a hand was wrapped the member. If he wasn't screaming before, then he certainty was now. Moran's hand was rapidly jerking him off as he continued pounding into him. He threw his head back as he let out a long breathless moan. He wondered how long it would be for him. Well, it wouldn't be too long when Wyatt managed to yell out one word.

"CUMMING~!!!!"

And just like that, a fountain of semen shot out from his member. A chain reaction set off with Moran as he buried his own member deep in the other's hole, releasing inside him. He didn't pull out for a few seconds, letting his semen spill out a little. The world around them felt silent, the only thing being heard was their uneven panting. Moran pulled out after what felt like hours, having everything spill out of Wyatt.

Moran smirked as he tuned Wyatt's head towards him. His face was flushed with red and had a pissed expression across a face. Moran received a hard slap across the face. This threw him off guard completely. "AY! The hell was that for-?!" And before he started to rant, Wyatt planted a gentle kiss on the other's lips. This threw Moran even more off guard as Wyatt pulled away. A few moments passed as a smirk spread across Moran's face once more. "So, you do know how to kiss someone." He responded smugly. Wyatt turned his head as Moran chuckled at him. "What? You were the one who wanted to do some kissing practice. It's your fault you turned it into an experimental thing." He chuckled once more.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Wyatt yelled in frustration.

@strawberry-cream-official

[adhddbt]

When I see this- signs like this, I can't help thinking there are so many people out there who either can't think of someone in their lives like that, or they don't know, or they're genuinely so alone, isolated somehow...

But even still, even if they are in that situation, they, you if you're reading this, you do have worth. There's the potential for a better life that I believe in, I must believe in. How many times have I endured a time without even the hope of things ever getting better. At most, the hope of feeling hope again. (Sounds silly in words, but maybe that makes sense anyway.) The point is that even without that "potential," I just want to say, to plead with all of you to reach out. Sure, that's easy for me to say. That's true, I won't deny that.

TL;DR - Cut to the chase: If you're alone and you don't know who to reach out to message me. Now, I'm not on tumblr all the time. I can't guarantee how soon I'll see the notification, etc. I know a FWIW isn't much, especially from some rando on the internet. And no way am I a therapist or qualified for much. But I do have some experience in group therapy and peer support. And I'd be irresponsible if I didn't emphasize that in the event of suicidal thoughts, please call a crisis number or emergency number. I beg you. I'll say that I'm a message. I'm essentially required to, ethically, and possibly legally. But I will not vanish. I'll message back and forth as I am able. More often than we know, someone misses us when we disappear, whether we say goodbye or not.

After getting through a dark time, I have so far previously emerged and put a life together for myself, with help for sure. We can't go out alone. And while I'm doing that, I met people. I still meet new people, even though I still feel isolated. And I'm grateful they exist. And sometimes I can tell they feel the same. I don't always say it. I ought to say it more.

Maybe there's someone you are grateful for, even if it's just, like, the checker at the market who is simply more kind than they're required to be. There is someone out there who feels that way about you. And even if you don't believe that for an instant, there's every chance to find that. I haven't made the connections I wished I could have, so many times. But enough times I have. I took a chance, even if I had sneaking doubts. And I made a friend who would just not quit. I've got maybe three friends I can think of, not a bunch, and it doesn't take a bunch. It's not like I see them all the time, but they're never really gone, even if I don't see them for a year or two. One friend I haven't seen in like fifteen years, but we've been texting and taking over the phone lately. That feeling of getting your buddy back! I want that for all of you.

I don't know how to convince someone that there's hope. My examples don't necessarily prove anything. I haven't been wherever you are now. None of us are in the same situation. We can't say, "I know just how you feel." But if someone promised you that you'll never feel better or that you'll always feel this terrible, we know that's a lie. That's not a certainty. More than a shred of a possibility.

It often doesn't take as much as we think it will. Sometimes it's an uphill struggle. It does take some work to make our lives better. And we need some clue to at least guess what will work this time. I've asked "Why me?" But more often, I've asked, "Why not me?" Why shouldn't I live better than this? And there's no need for any of it to be justified. There are lots of valid reasons why any or all of us have the right to a better life. But you don't have to justify it anyway. Claim it. Just claim it! "I want better than this and I'm going to fucking get it!" Do I deserve it? Fucking yes I do! But I don't need to tell anyone why. Nobody owes anybody anything, but we do owe it to ourselves. What we give one another, we choose to. Hopefully, out of kindness. Choose yourself. Give yourself something. Give someone else something when you can.

I had a dog some time ago. I had him for ten years. I'd say ten wonderful years, but there's always tough times, even in the best of times. And vice versa. Anyhow, I was dumb lucky to find my dog. I still love him, too. That love fills me up when I think about him for long enough. And there's still a little sadness. But all those different feelings mean that I haven't forgotten those amazing times. Maybe this is weird to say. But as full as he made my heart, I knew that his biggest love was my spouse. I don't think I was ever jealous. A little envious maybe. But he did love me. And our love made me full, no matter who felt what. And the sadness doesn't bring me down. Well, not unless something else does too. But that's actually a good thing. There are a lot of things to grieve these days (2023). I do hope that this year is somehow better for you than last year. If it's not, then I hope the spring and summer bring you change you've longed for. I wish that for you. Not because it benefits me. Do you feel the world crying sometimes? Aren't we all now crying together, somehow? We can share joy, too.

We've lost too many people. It's not right. It's not okay. But it is up to us to make things better. We do need you. We are in this together. It's not your fault. A lot of the time, we don't know whose fault it is, or we have no way to bring justice if we do know. But the suffering is real. And maybe we don't exactly owe one another, but maybe that's as good a word as any. We owe it to one another as humans. Some mutual respect. Compassion for one another's suffering. Recognition of each other's worth. To celebrate others' triumphs. You deserve to have others celebrate you. The opportunity to live free of old suffering, to overcome it, at least enough to live the best life you can. Some do hurt more than others. Some of us feel it more intensely. We deserve better all the more. We understand each other better, I think.

I don't want to go so far that this writing devolves into a bunch of clichés. Well, more than it already has. I guess I'm getting pretty good today. It's the kind I need to share when this happens. No, everything isn't perfect by any means. I've got some discomfort I'm not going to talk about. I've got things I didn't get around to today. But I got to talk with someone I care for a lot. People will surprise you, sometimes for the better.

I'm not good at wrapping up. That must be why I rant endlessly so often. I don't know if this will help anyone, ever. I just felt it had to be said. I just gotta- rebel against all the shitty stuff out there. Not politically, because approaching things like that just isn't something I relate to or can deal with. Anyhow, we don't need another tangent.

Pink Floyd said, "Don't be afraid to care." I guess that's all I'm saying. That includes care for yourself. And we can care for each other. We can.

[mithliya]

I understand that this idea TRAs have that radical feminism is racists is actually racist itself and ignores the fact that women of color have been just as oppressed for their biological sex as white women (or even more than them), and I understand that we can't opt out of oppression simply by changing our appearance, because even if we passed as men structural oppression like access to abortion and reproductive health would still affect us.

But what about the idea of "clocking" trans women and transvestites? I mean, I get that identifying sexual dimorphism isn't as impossible as TRAs want to make it seem and there are differences between men and women within different etnic groups... but still, I'm pretty sure I've seen radfems "clock" a trans identified male for aspects of their appearance that one could easily find on some women. I don't believe the argument that clocking is racist, but maybe there's at least some credit to the idea that the things we use to point out a person's "masculine body" rely on beauty standards?

I've specially been thinking about this after remembering how in high school I used to be teased for having thick facial hair and even called a boy, just because I had PCOS.

What do you think of all of this? I'm still trying to make sense of some ideas I'm on the fence about

i do not think body hair should be used as a criteria for clocking whatsoever and i think what bullies use to taunt girls is not the same as being able to determine biological sex (a proven ability that we do have, to the point where we can determine it w iirc 90%+ accuracy simply by looking at the eyebrows+eyes area), however most times i do not see that used as the criteria. i also think that some people are way too overconfident online and think they can somehow know someones sex from pictures that often are all about angles, filters, and sometimes also makeup, which i also disagree with. i recall people seeing nasime aghdam before and INSISTING she must be trans and must've transitioned as a child, using her being iranian as their argument point for that (as if pediatric transition was somehow a regular thing in 80s iran?!). they insisted on this bc iirc she was a body builder which impacted some of her proportions (namely her neck & her having a prominent trachea) and bc she owns breast prosthetics and praised transition once (where she said she wishes she was trans bc she doesnt want to have periods...) and the whole insistence that she must be trans and there must be some coverup was literally just. insane and dumb.

also i feel like ppl's fixation on it is weird anyways. no there isn't 100% certainty that youll know everyone's sex at all times, idk why that is a necessary thing to argue for either side of the argument and i don't think clocking anyone will ultimately achieve anything. we can easily distinguish someone's sex simply by looking at them most of the time but there will be outliers just as there is with literally anything else.

[pitynostars]

rewatching PotD properly let's gooo

"is there anyone out there" "yes." This was hot

"what am I doing, I've got a date to get to" is Dan talking ABT Diane ???

The idea of doing an EP about just the cyber TLs would be so interesting imo ajdkkfdjks... Like they're not converted humans but that's their whole deal usually so like....

"don't get shot" *Dan gets shot* prime comedy

"don't lose my sonic" patronising 13 i hate u

Did anyone else expect Dan to turn evil here the way he hesitated over the controls? XD

The alien shows them what they want right ???? Why does the doctor see a random kid?

"I'm the doctor I'm going to protect you" "the doctor lies" lmao

Ive seen people say like. The train CGI the painting CGI is rlly bad but honestly I can never notice but I don't rlly have eyes for that sort of thing

Ace and Tegan Skype friends <3 the ending should have been like this w all the companions where they're all just swapping adventure stories rather than the support group thing

"should we pick u up again in 24hrs" so Dan is on and off the TARDIS at this point ??? Having dates ??? Assuming w Diane but the only person we see him w in the rest of te EP is Graham so I mean....

"Yaz u and I can see where the cyber masters took that child" so... Yaz saw it as a kid too? Did I mishear the line ABT it looking how u want

"it's not my life" hmm I buy that BC we saw his life before of pretending to b the museum guide and helping out at the food bank and stuff he's a community guyTM sure hate that this is so weirdly rushed less i guess "I can attack it now because I've been with you" I buy less lmao... He's had no growth at all??? Also the way it's framed like he's talking to the doc is so odd when he spent more time w Yaz (unless they've been travelling for more than 3 years ???)

The doctor saying "homes important" just makes me HOWL tho ngl

"I'll b kipping on mum and dads sofa tonight" .... Where have u been sleeping all the other 24 hr breaks youve appaz been dropped off for ???

"not one for goodbyes" idk I buy that w 13 we saw the whole "one happy one sad" the hug goodbye for Ryan and graham

...so why can't 13 tell yaz about this traitor dalek??

also the concept of a dalek realising theyve strayed from their og mission does actually kind of slap but we did just see daleks v daleks in revolution so i'm glad this wasnt the main plot again

sacha dhawans acting<3<3

the scene where he looks in the tsarina (?)'s eyes and he's like "are my eyes not full of certainty" and u see him reflected in her eyes.... SICK. have they mentioned the master is kind of hypnotic yet in this era before this?

where are the dhawan telling the tsar to take a holiday vs donna telling caecilius and family to take a holiday in pompeii parallels.

are they saying dhawan master replaced rasputin nd made an alt universe with this cyberplanet in the sky? or is there some historical note about there being something in the sky at that time (?)

i love that the doctor and yaz both barely react to the hahahahahhaha tardis there's no like. wtf. moment they just head straight in.

i think it would have been sweet for 13 to stroke one of its panels and be like "oh shes not mine." nodding to that theyre telepathic!! but we seem to have forgotten that this era 😔.... i feel this generally in this era the relationship between the doctor and the tardis has been lacking actually like apart from ghost monument and spyfall we barely see them interact... i know its not always a Thing but man i loved 11 & the tardis' relationship so much i'd love to see a writer feature it more again 🥺

ive seen some people claiming yaz reads gallifreyan off the screen in the tardis. that would be cool but 100% you can recognise readings u can tell what data/readings are without labels necessarily like i can go into a car and look at a speedo and i dont need numbers on it to know what the readings mean yk?? either way it does speak a lot to teh familiarity she's got with the tardis and i <3<3 ... yaz and the tardis' growth is fun to think about. do you think she was grumpy that yaz was hanging out with the other tardis on earth in revolution ? XD

DOCTOR: Ah, there's a rudimentary cloaking shield in operation. Soon fix that. The Cybermen have tethered that child into this planet. It was registering as an energy source.

YASMIN: How is that child an energy source?

DOCTOR: Wait, there's more layers to the shield. Oh, not just cloaking. It's a consciousness shield! A creature trying to evade capture, hiding behind a visual projection shield, and this one shows us what we instinctively want to protect, as a defence.

Help me out here. Are they saying that the Qurunx also set up the cloaking ??? or that the cybermen cloaked it and it also put up the consciousness shield? ? or was it all the cybermen?? why would it need both?

also the idea of it showing what you want to protect -- do yaz and the doctor and dan ALL just happen to see a child in this situation then ??

"is this planet your doing?" doctor you literally saw the cybermen kidnap the qurunx to bring here 😭😭😭... YOU FOLLOWED THEM HERE

just once i'd like the "your master awaits" to be subverted/mirrored with "your doctor awaits" ...... the "this country needs a doctor" line is hot but its not the SAME.

"have you got any idea whats going on in outspace in 1916 rn" "strangely enuf. no" this line always gets me aklsjflk i love kate

"I'm Yaz. The only one here who doesn't really know what's going on" sorry babe that's your whole character

MANDIP INVENTING ACTING

i am once again asking ok these paintings got "defaced" so its not an alt timeline??????????? they never fixed this in the end right ??????? sweats. so rasputin was teh master alll along historically (?)... and he jst put himself in paintings in modern day ?? but then the dr says "some people think you're rasputin" ?????

"this is the day youre erased from existence forever" .... how does turning into her erase her from existence 😭

dhawan inventing acting

i still dont understand why this "give her a gun" moment is in there.

wait what happens to vinder in the end??? his ships broken

"you'll feel safer with me in the building" LMAO

"she really doens't want us back in there" and then yaz just drops her home w no goodbye to the doctor coolcoolcoolcoool

ok but why did the master clone ashad specifically what difference does he make over like. any cyberman/cyberleader??

love the russian doll cyberman lmaoooo... reminds me of that arc thing from doomsday/aog... TIME LORD TECH

if i had a penny for every time the doctor is forced into one of their enemies only for it to be purely for transport i'd have 2 pennies which isn't a lot but its a bit funny it happens twice

i love the rasputin moment but i dont rlly get the lead in ngl 😭 hes just like k time for my dance number mid speech. which i suppose like. in character XD

sacha dhawan in thirteens outfit.... i'm bisexual<3 i need to get my ears pierced

"Don't… don't… don't worry. You'll get used to me. Everyone will. I still need a companion to ask and… bask in my brilliance. Come on, Yaz. Let's go on an adventure! Don't make me ask twice. I'd hate to have to bring you down to size." /

"Come on, Yaz! Let's save a civilisation! Let's correct history! Rescue a sick animal! These yours? Oh, bless. Ow! What was that? Some sort of dirty protest? Unless you want to be consigned down a black hole for eternity, you'd better behave! I am the Doctor, and you will obey me." snapping in yaz's face "I AM THE DOCTOR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

-> this would have hit soo different if this actually was the doctor i would HAVE LOVEDDDD it. first time watching i honetsly thought this was still the doctor and the tardis was reacting like that bc the regeneration was so unnatural (like the way she reacted to jack in utopia) but no 😔

mandip inventing acting<3

"very 80s" "thanks!" LMAO

"gold star and a sticker" u r sick

the random news drone on top of a random 2 planets is so.... ??? i feel like a lot of this was cut somehow aslkfjklgds..

also where's the awkward cut scene of yaz standing around while the master's in the wardrobe picking his outfit aksfjgdlkf

[plays the recorder on a burning mushroom planet] king shit

"quite the strength of character this incarnation" "DOCTOR 6: Our predicament! This is supposed to be handed over. You can't ruin it for the next one. / DOCTOR 5: And you were doing so well." i hateee these bits so much its SO patronising

"i dont do robes" lmao

why is whittaker in the reversed robe/the robe they used for time here hm

the hologram i do like as an idea tbf especially as we've seen the basic version w 9 and 11 and whatnot so her developing it to be more ai is rlly fun ... especially after she saw how handy having three of her in diff places was in flux lmaoooo

"it should only activate under the gravest circumstances. Like if I'm no longer around. Now, that would be disastrous. But I will have very subtly inserted a sonically triggered nano-implant under your skin and passed it off as static electricity. f I remember to do that. I must remember to do that." -- so either 13 has only just finished the hologram ai before this ep OR she KNOWS shes about to walk into some Real ShitTM and takes precautions akjfgldf.....

"HOLO-DOCTOR: Whoa! The emotional receptors on the AI are a bit oversensitive. Apparently, you're annoyed with me? Apparently, I should apologise for something?" this is so fucking funny because it comes across literally just like thirteen was she is always this fucking mean and patronising and borderline manipulative lmao its so askjdfglkdf......... blame it on the emotional receptors being oversensitive sure 🙄

i reiterate my point that most of the things/wins we get are done by the hologram dr, yaz is STILL asking the doc for validation even when shes a hologram 😔

"can't hurt the feelings of a hologram" SHE JUST TOLD U SHE WAS AI. watching this after measure of a man is like. HELLO.

"yeah well i didnt" [tosses bag] I LOVE TEGAN

they cld have mentioned nyssa in this rant tho fr

"i'll distract the cybermen" "how are you gonna do that" [cuts to screaming] hELP ASKFJDGLF... THE COMEDY IN THIS EP IS SO

the shot of ace falling into the console room is so fun actually <3

dhawan hood up<3<3

vinder no idea who the doctor is or their history w the doctor or yaz in this ep is. q funny to me.

"YASMIN: I'm sorry. / MASTER: Are you? Truly?/ YASMIN: Came back, didn't I? / MASTER: We could have fun, you know? I am fun. Different type of fun, but fun. We could travel. You'll see. "

i am once again saying i wish we got dhawan!doctor fr with this vibe

the touch of the ai mirroring the companions emotions is cute but i do still kinda wish we'd got whittaker to do these scenes fully

god i want ace and bill to meet actually

"the joy is to watch them fly" 😭😭😭

"former bus driver" is such a funny thing for graham to think when introducing himself

"wanna see how i dealt with them in 1963?" i'm kissing you on the lips

kate sacrificing herself is so<3<3 redgraves acting here is sooooo

jasfkdj tegan slipping on the ladder... is this a ryan reference or is that purely for plot convenienceTM

if the daleks plan is to destroy the planet through volcanoes then who do the cybermen have left to convert .....😭

wait the tardis in this shot LOOKS SO BAD i never notice cgi and whatnot idc but like LITERALLY THATS OBVIOUSLY A BOX WITH THE BACKGROUND PAINTED IN 😭

jo martin my beloved<3 god i wish she got more to do

vinder shooting the master is sooo<3 king

yazs speech about friendship and love got me actually.

i reiterate its the hologram telling yaz what to do this isnt her win wholly and that frustrates me so much 😭...

also how do the daleks and cybermen and master and vinder SEE ruths hologram when the doctor didnt plant the ai in them ?????? the whole static thing was the flag hello ??

"dont let me go back to being me" pleaseeee

"where there's hope..." YOU DIDNT FINISH THAT. THERES WHAT.

[darlington-v]

HELLO YES IS ONE OF(?) THE FELLOW TRANSMASC BEEDUO ENJOYERS, RESPONDING AFTER A MULTIDAY DELAY.

CANT BELIVE THAT HANDHOLDING SHIT.

As someone else who has (on a certain level) like, made that connection, of someone I can be very affectionate with, but am still in the gender closet with for various reasons. I can absolutely understand your impulse and the preassure... a lot of my hesitation is based around a fear of going against some kind of perceived "ground work" in that relationship. And then I get frustrated because in this relationship and others i just would not have to think so much about this and how I present myself if I had just been born a cisguy. I am also just yearning for bro friendships where I'm just perceived as a dude from the get-go, even if I end up acting ""feminin"" or some shit.

But when I think about all the relationships I've had, I wouldn't want to have "skipped over" any of them, even if I wasn't, or didn't start by presenting my truly authentic self. I can't bring myself to regret or fully resent any of those connections, even if in my heart I can't always regard them as 100% "valid" or "genuine" in the context of how I know I was/am perceived and how I present. I dunno, I hope that makes sense, and helps in some way... I guess what im trying to say is, even if I have wishes and yearnings of how things could be different, I still am happy to have had the relationships I've had.... and I know ill just keep meeting new folks and either things will work out or they wont, and that'll be ultimatly for the best...

But hughu its also kinda silly when I think about it, that some internet dudes make me confront and think about all this shit. But it also does make sense too.

I don't know its very hard to explain, feel free to just ignore all this.

yes!!!! i TOTALLY understand this!

it's really frustrating because i would love to seek out other communities and environments that may lead into relationships similar to that of like??? SAME AFFECTION????? but im afraid to put myself out ANYWHERE new because i don't want to be perceived as like... woman-lite or anything. i don't want anyone to have to rethink how they perceive me i just wanted to present in the way that i feel.

similarly to what you said, i don't want to build something on "ground-work" i know i'll have to break down and like. make the REAL ground work pretty much?

and yeah! same! i get frustrated as well because it would just be much easier to deal w/ if i was just. cis. but i don't dwell on that too much, luckily

however i still run into the same issue: (more long winded venty shit below, ur invited to me being extremely vulnerable on the internet have fun)

how can i deal with this and make this easier for myself? is it... achievable even? like! yeah! how can i simply start new relationships with this... pre-established certainty of "that is a Boy! a BONAFIDE boy!" like... not even cis but just.

i struggle with the idea that most people who aren't trans will like... not... TRULY respect my identity? like behind closed doors. which is something i know a lot of trans people struggle with and honestly that is... our own issue in regards to trust. if no one throws and red flags that they don't actually respect your identity, then you really just have to trust that they do.

it's just... honestly putting conditions on like. your trust i guess. PERSONALLY. like im putting conditions on myself such as: if i present masculine then people will respect my identity and assimilate to how i identify, even if i don't present that yet.

which... usually isn't the case? people may take longer to assimilate but if someone is going to respect you, you can usually tell. or i feel like i can.

however. i guess. i want to shortcut the assimilation? but it's unfair to me to just put myself on hold until i don't need to ask people to like. REALLY understand liek HEY. THAT PITCHY MOTHERFUCKER IS A DUDE. because it's hard. and i, in my tiny pea brain, feel like a shortcut would just already be presenting male boy man MASCULINE. however, like i said, it's unfair for me to put that on myself bc that's a LONG time to wait!! that's coming out, getting a new wardrobe, and ALSO getting HRT!! that doesn't just happen in one day.

i explained to some friends that like. sometimes i wish i could just present a certain way and then no one could really ever know me intimately.

and it's definitely not that im... ASHAMED of being trans!! it's very nice and cool! however i feel sad that like... we're still adjusting as a society in terms of like... gender i guess? like... i do not want to be seen as woman-lite by anyone. in any degree. and sometimes you need a deeper understanding of gender to get past like... the weird like. ok he's... he's boy but like kinda not boy??

IT'S JUST. MMM. BEING PERCEIVED AND NOT INTERPRETTED CORRECTLY IS VERY TERRIFYING AND I HATE IT AND UR RIGHT BEING CIS WOULD BE EASIER, I DON'T NECESSARILY WANT TO BE CIS, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO EMULATE CISNESS WHILST REMAINING QUEER WHICH I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S POSSIBLE.

however same!!! the relationships i have now i love and i care very deeply about and i feel that like... even though they've known me before i was like "ok masc and he/they" and shit like that, i do feel like they understand like

*points* boy!!

however when it comes to strangers it's so... scary. and like IDK. ITS SO FUNNY BECAUSE I'VE NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS BEFORE. AND IT'S WHY I WANT TO LIKE? EXPLORE THE COMMUNITY FOR OLDER TRANS PEOPLE. LIKE HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS???? how can you just BE OKAY when like... introducing yourself to strangers.

how can you just let... strangers in?

which is also *THROWS THINGS* THE WORST PART!!! I WANT TO BE A CONTENT CREATOR BUT I DON'T WANT TO WAIT!!!! I WANT MY VIEWERS TO GO BOY BOY BUT THEY WONT BECAUSE I HAVE NO FORM OF PRESENTATION BESIDE A PERSONA AND A VOICE AND MY VOICE IS PITCHY!!! ITS SO HIGH AND PITCHY!!!

and it's frustrating!! because i don't want an audience who doesn't like understand BOY!!! NOT WOMAN-LITE!!!!!!! NOT WOMAN GOING THRU PHASE!!!!!

BOYYYYY!!!!!

TLDR;

being trans is hard and i just don't want to be seen as woman-lite. i want to bee seen as like cis boy but trans. like i think i'd take more kindly to someone being like "omg i didn't even know you were trans!" to like someone infantilizing me and calling me a sweet little boy bean. and thats a lot easier between close friends! even though they have heard my voice and they've listened to me talk about being trans! they understand. and strangers?? have the potential to not. like they might? but what if they dont... and that's. Scary.

[candicewright]

Hi omg I just saw your "ask me" post and almost cried from potential confusion relief lol. I do *not* want to start anything about the whole 2*7 incident again but I saw this vague shit post about it on twitter last night - about documents released or something proving w/yb's lawyers (anf maybe him?) were in on what happened to x z. I understand a *lot* of the history from context but I'm a newish rpf fan and Amrrican, and don't know who to ask what's going on. 1/2

2/2 Fwiw I love them both and don't *really* think there's anything to the rumors but after the spate of pointed kadian this week, I'm feeling kind of nervous. Is there any sort of context/info you could give? (Even if you don't want to publish the ask to further stir anything, *any* sort of context would be so appreciated. Thank you!!!!) ❤

Aaaahh I'm glad I can help some people who are just getting into this!💜

If I were to go in-depth about this, this post would be way too long. Luckily I don't have to because the wonderful @ohnobjyx did an incredible job at explaining it already (x). You should be able to get the full context there.

I can't truly be objective in my response to this since I don't seek out information that goes against either of them, but I really don't think that they would want to hurt each other. It just doesn't make sense knowing what we know about them. Also, I have a strong belief in the idea that if these rumors had any sort of validity, they wouldn't be just rumors.

Again, I've never seen the documents and I've only heard those rumors, so I can't say much about them, but I'm very skeptical.

I would take everything surrounding this whole thing with a grain of salt. I've had a bunch of people asking me if one thing or the other was true and the reality is, we can't really tell. However, from what we can see about their relationship and character, I have a strong feeling that those are nothing but rumors. I would even be willing to say with a level of certainty that if yh had anything to do with it, it definitely wasn't because wyb asked them to.

I hope this can calm you down a bit and don't hesitate to ask me about anything else you may need to know.

Also, since you mentioned not publishing the ask I feel like I should say a couple of things to anyone who might be reading this. 1) If you're against either xz or wyb, you shouldn't be on my blog. I love them both and I don't want to see anything against them here. 2) If for any reason you don't want to see CP content, that's understandable, a lot of people aren't comfortable with it. That's why I tag all these posts with #bjyx and #yizhan so that anyone can filter them if they'd rather not see them. If you'd want me to tag anything else, I'm also open to doing so, just tell me.

Thank you for the ask💜

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Can someone do a story where the Soldier is the main personality in bucky/winter headspace and that he sides with tony in the whole winter soldier civil war arc? It can have anything else but i would perfer no steve/tony. Thankyou.

Combined with:

May I have post-CW angst please? Heart-wrenching, sad sad angst. Happy ending, ofc. Please, no Steve bashing - both Tony and Bucky love their friend.

No Steve bashing was SUPER easy, since I love Steve and would never bash him, even when he’s made some pretty dumbass decisions. :D I’m not sure I was able to give AwesomeBees exactly what she wanted (I couldn’t bring myself to have the Winter Soldier as the main personality, and I know my feelings on the Accords are pretty clear), but I tried!

On AO3

Everything Good

“Hey,Boss,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. said, “Captain Rogers is on the phone. He wantsto speak to you.”

Itwas late afternoon at the Facility, and Tony had his hands full—literally—with Rhodey,helping him during one of his physio sessions. Honestly, Rhodey was lucky he wasgripping the parallel bars, because Tony was so shocked he nearly dropped him.

“Uh,yeah. Put him through, Fri. Wait.” Tony glanced at the therapist, thengrimaced apologetically at Rhodey. “You two good without me, kids?”

“Yousure you’re up for this, Tones?” Rhodey asked instead of answering. Tonywas sure he’d have put his hand on Tony’s shoulder if he didn’t need both ofthem to hold onto the bars for dear life. He’d come a long way in the lastcouple months or so, but a spinal injury wasn’t something you could just walkoff. Even with a mobile brace.

Unlessyou were Steve Rogers, probably. Not that Tony had come close to paralyzinghim. That had been more what Tony had done to Bucky, though for a moment thereTony had honestly thought Steve was going to decapitate him and he reallyneeded to stop thinking about that.

“Iwas born up for this, Rhodeybear,” Tony said. He was absolutely certainhis grin looked 100% fake, but he held it like parallel bars while Rhodeystared at him. Tony let that painfully accessing gaze settle until Rhodey justlet out a breath and gave Tony a sad, knowing smile.

“Just,be careful,” Rhodey said. “I know how hard this whole thing’s been onyou. I don't—”

“Ipromise I’ll be home by midnight with a full tank of gas, Dad,” Tony saidbreezily, cutting Rhodey off. He turned his back and strode to the locker rooms,waving over his shoulder and taking merciless advantage of how his best friendcouldn’t follow him. It was a dick move for sure; just one more thing to feel guiltyabout. God knew Tony was used to that.

(More after the break!)

“Okay,F.R.I.D.A.Y., put him through.” Tony was sitting on the bench in theshower cubicle he’d designed specifically for Rhodey. Half the showers hadalready been disabled-accessible (never knew when one of the regular-humantypes would be badly injured), but Tony had made sure the one for Rhodey wasspacious, non-slip and top of the line for ease of use. He also knew he hadabout half an hour at least before Rhodey would finish his physio and wheel orstagger his way in here to use it.

Andhey, Tony could always take a shower after the call, if he needed to scrubhimself clean. Win/win.

“Tony?”

Thatwas…Yeah, okay, that was definitely Steve’s voice. But also not Steve’s voice.In that Tony had never heard Steve sound like that. Not even in Tony’sScarlett-Witchy hallucination where the guy was dying. Steve had just soundedaccusing, then. Angry. Of course, that hadn’t been reality, just Tony’s ownfucked-up brain playing pretend. Not that things had ended up particularlydifferently in reality, really. Other than nobody dying.

Notfor lack of tying, Tony’s brain couldn’t help pointing out. He knewhe needed to stop doing that.

But,Steve. Specifically his voice. Tony had never heard Steve sound that badbefore. Steve sounded terrible. Not just tired, though if hewas still in Wakanda it was going on 1:00 AM. No, Steve sounded like he was atthe end of his rope, but there wasn’t enough slack to tie a knot. And therewere hungry wolves circling in the ravine.

LikeTony had felt in the missile silo, watching Steve pick up his friend and walkaway.

“Yeah,it’s me,” Tony said, heart pounding. Normally he might’ve added somethinglike, ‘What’s up, Capsicle?’, go for bravado when inwardly he was quailing. ButSteve sounded like death and he’d never appreciated Tony’s pretense anyway. SoTony went for honesty instead. “You sound terrible. What’s wrong?”

“Ithink….” Steve took a breath that sounded like he he’d been crying.“I think Bucky’s dead.”

Tonynearly dropped his phone. As it was, if it’d been anything other than aStarkphone his white-knuckled grip might’ve cracked the screen. “Oh myGod,” he said, hushed with sudden, aching fear. “What do you mean,you think he’s dead? What happened?” A million scenarios were alreadyswarming like hornets through Tony’s mind: Bucky vanished in the Wakandanwilderness; Bucky abducted by Ross, or Hydra, or taken by one of the manycountries where Hydra had unleashed him; Bucky trapped in his broken Wakandan cryochamber, entombed like a bug in amber; Bucky in a coma, succumbing to poison orillness or (Dear God, please no) the unforeseen effects ofthe damage Tony inflicted on him.

“Was…wasit me? What I did?” Tony asked, small-voiced with terror. It was horriblyselfish, disgustingly self-centered of him to even ask. But Tony couldn’t not.If Bucky died, part of Steve would die with him. Tony didn’t think he couldhandle finding Bucky only to lose him again. But if Bucky died and it was Tony’s fault….

Therewould be no hope for reconciliation, no hope for the Avengers ever again. Tonywould have gained a nemesis worse than anything he could every imagine. Otherthan himself.

“Wedon’t know,” Steve said, and maybe it was the lack of certainty, but ithit like a fist to Tony’s solar plexus. A metal fist to his reactor and God he needed to fucking stop.“Shuri said…” Stevepaused, obviously steeling himself. “She said it was possible. That…that theshock of his arm being destroyed like that might’ve caused some neurologicaldamage. And then there was the kick to the head.”

Tonyclosed his eyes, clutching the phone to his ear so he wouldn’t slam it into theshower wall. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice thick and rough and gratingin his ears. “Steve. I—”

“Isaid we don’t know, Tony,” Steve cut him off, as ifthat was supposed to make him feel better. “Shuri said it was possible.But, Winter said it didn’t make a difference.”

Tonyhad spoken to Shuri, before. She’d assumed Steve and Bucky would want to comeback to the U.S. at some point, so as a courtesy she’d sent Tony the specs forBucky’s new arm. It was a sleek, beautiful thing he was privileged to be ableto understand. Shuri was still a child, but her intellect already shone like asun.

Hedidn’t know Winter, but it was a terrible relief to have someone say whateverhappened wasn’t Tony’s fault. Except it was hard to imagine Shuri being wrongabout anything. “Is Winter a neurologist?”

Hecould practically hear Steve’s confusion. “No,” he said.“Winter’s Bucky.”

Tonywaited a beat, then another. It still didn’t make any sense. “I don’tunderstand,” he said, though something in Steve’s voice had a cold, quietdread creeping up Tony’s spine.

“Winter’sBucky,” Steve said, as if it would be more comprehensible with repetition.His sigh sounded as heavy as the ice that buried him. “The doctorswho…accessed him said it’s called Dissociative Identity Disorder.” He madea sound that had almost nothing to do with laughing. “I didn’t even know thatwas a thing that could happen to people. But, yeah. Bucky isn't…Bucky anymore.He calls himself ‘Winter’. He’s not the Winter Soldier,” Steve addedquickly, “He hasn’t done anything like what happened in Berlin. He hasn’thurt anyone at all. He’s just….” Steve pulled in another breath thatshuddered. “He’s not Bucky.”

Tonyhadn’t even been thinking about the terrifying, snarling juggernaut who’d beatthe shit out of him in Berlin, but that didn’t stop ice flooding his guts whenSteve reminded him. Tony knew Shuri had removed the trigger words from Bucky’shead. But, yeah. Nice to hear Steve’s bestie hadn’t shoved him through anotherwall.

“Why?”Tony asked, still trying to wrap his head around Dissociative IdentityDisorder and Steve calling him for anything. “Whathappened?”

“Idon’t know.” Steve swallowed. “Winter said he needed to protectBucky. After…after what happened. So he wasn't…he wasn’t gonna let him outanymore. And. And I tried to talk to Bucky, but Winter wouldn’t let me. And…andwhat if he’s dead? What if he’s not, not even there anymorebecause it’s just Winter now? What if Bucky’s gone, and, andI—”

Stevestarted sobbing. Great, wracking gulps of air, each one followed by ashuddering gasp like cracking bone. “What if he’s dead,Tony? Oh, God. Oh, my God. What do I do? What am I going to do?”

“Whoa,whoa. Shh. It’s okay. Nobody’s dead, Steve,” Tony tried. Then,“Bucky’s not dead!” Forcefully, when Steve just made a broken noiseof negation. “That’s not how it works! It doesn’t work like that. Honest.I’m no expert, but, it doesn’t work like that. None of the identities die,okay? They’re just…in the background. Or something. I’m not sure about thatpart. But I promise you, Bucky is not dead.”

“Really?”Steve sniffled. He sounded so desperate for hope that Tony, who had troublewith other peoples’ emotions at the best of times, nearly broke down himself.“You’re sure? He wouldn’t talk to me.”

“Yeah,well, you said Winter was protecting him, right? So, he’s probably in his happyplace. I wouldn’t want to come out either.” Tony winced, wondering ifSteve would think that sounded as much like bullshit as Tony did. He stood andleft the shower stall, then strode into the hallway with his phone mashed tohis ear. He knew appallingly little about psychology, considering how manydisorders he’d been diagnosed with over the years. It was about an eight hourflight to Wakanda in a Quinjet; plenty of time to read up on the subject.

Notthat he had any idea what he’d do about it, once he gotthere. But, Steve had called him for a reason. And even if that was tomore-or-less accuse Tony of making Bucky mentally ill, Tony couldn’t listen toSteve crying his guts out and just do nothing. “I’m heading to the landingpad right now. I can be at the palace in eight hours. Do you want me to bringanything? Anyone?” he asked, thinking as he moved. “Wanda’s offsomewhere with Vision, but she’s got that hand-wavy telepathy stuff. Icould—”

“Winterwanted to talk to you,” Steve said. “He didn’t say why, exactly. But itsounded like he wants assurance you’re not going to try to kill him anymore.”

Tonystopped moving so fast he practically gave himself whiplash in the corridor.His first reaction was a blood-hot flare of rage. “You sure as fuck neverpull your punches, do you?”

Therewas a second of stunned silence. “I don’t understand,” Steve said atlast. “I just meant, Winter doesn’t want Bucky to come out. And, he reallywanted to talk to you. So I thought…maybe if you can promise you won't…attackhim again, it’ll help?”

Tonyforced back the anger he knew wasn’t really aimed at Steve. “I don’t getit, though. Why would that help? I mean, I won’t attack him again.” Itfelt important to say it out loud. “But, it’s not like I’m a threat to himwithout my armor. When I tried to fight him in Berlin he kicked my ass.”

“Thatwas the Winter Soldier,” Steve said. “The trigger words compelled himto come out.”

“Oh.”There wasn’t much else he could say to that. It made sense, considering howBucky had seemed more lethal before the silo. Which, honestly, only made Tonyfeel that much worse. He rubbed his forehead. “You really think Winter’staken over for Bucky because of me?”

“Idon’t know,” Steve repeated bleakly. “But…you really hurt him, whenyou blasted his arm. And I think you would’ve killed him if I hadn’t stoppedyou.” He hesitated, maybe waiting for Tony to deny it. Tony couldn’t.“So,” Steve went on a too-long moment later, “maybe that’s whatWinter was thinking about. When he took over. That this way you couldn’t hurt Buckyanymore.”

“Fuck,”Tony muttered. Like he didn’t already feel badly enough about this whole mess. “Look.Steve? I…” He gritted his teeth. No time like the excruciating present,right? “I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I am so, so fucking sorry for whathappened. I know the Accords ended up a fucking trash fire, but I’d really….Fuck,” he said on an exhale. “I was counting on you, okay? I thoughtthat you, of all people, would understand why no one with super powers shouldbe running around without any kind of control. After Ultron I really thoughtyou’d agree with me about that. But not only did you not agree, you wereperfectly happy to fuck me over, as well as everything I’d been trying toaccomplish, to go on a field trip with your fugitive buddy—”

“Buckyshould never have been a fugitive,” Steve snapped. “And you know whywe went to Siberia. I wasn’t happy to ‘fuck you over’, Tony! I never wanted togo against you! I wanted your help! But you’d already signed the Accords. Ourhands were tied just as much as yours.”

“Idid help you!” Tony said. “I lied to Ross and went to find you. Iwanted to help.”

“Iknow,” Steve said. “And when you arrived, I was grateful. I thought…Ithought we could start mending fences. Trust each other again. But we know howit turned out.”

“Youlied to me,” Tony said. “You’re talking about trust, but you lied by omission, and then you lied to myface.”

“Andthen you tried to kill my best friend!” Steve shot back. “The oneperson who hadn’t done anything wrong. Even T'Challa could see that. Whycouldn’t you?”

“Idon’t know!” That was, ironically, a lie. Tony did know. He absolutelyknew why he’d lost all reason and self control and had almost done somethingunforgivable to a man he actually admired. He took a couple breaths through histeeth, forced himself to keep going. “I wanted to hurt you,” he saidat last. There was an awful, sickly relief in finally admitting it. “You’dbetrayed me by not signing the Accords. With your fucking perfect teeth andperfect morality.“—Tony wondered if Steve’s perfect hearing caught thefinger quotes—"You had to be so Goddamn self-righteous you couldn’t even consider my point of view. And I was trying! I was trying sodamn hard to do the right thing. To protect everyone. To make all the damagewe’d done mean something. But you wouldn’t even consider it.”

“Iread the Accords, Tony,” Steve said. “And I found—”

“Youcould have tried!” Tony shouted over him. “Youcould have tried, but you didn’t. And it hurt. I can admit it. It hurt likehell.” It still hurt: This was years’ worth of pain he couldn’t hold backanymore. It felt like when Obie had torn the reactor out. “And then I gotto see the Winter Soldier killing my parents. And you knew. You knew he’d done it, but you chose your friend overme. So you betrayed me again. First by lying by omission, then by lying to myface. “And I just….

“Ilost it, okay?” Tony said. “I just fucking lost it. I wanted to hurthim, for what he did. And I really wanted to hurt you. Iwanted you to feel the way I felt.”

Hecould hear Steve swallow in the silence on the other end of the line.“Bucky didn’t deserve that,” Steve said quietly. “Maybe…maybe Idid. But Bucky didn’t.”

“Iknow,” Tony said. “And I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry. I had a reallybad couple days and a fucking truckload of daddy issues, and I took it out onhim. And I will never forgive myself for that.” He gave a sharp, unhappysmirk, “That was actually what I’d intended to lead with, when I startedtalking a minute ago. Kind of lost the train there.”

“You’reright,” Steve said, and Tony gasped. “I should’ve tried harder to seeyour side with the Accords, not just what I didn’t like about it. I could havetried to get them amended, come up with something we all could agree on. I’mused to acting with minimal oversight, but I also used to work on behalf ofS.H.I.E.L.D., and before that it was the S.S.R. I do understand the necessityof checks and balances. But I was scared of our hands being tied when peopleneeded us the most.

“AndI never should’ve lied to you, Tony,” Steve said. “I was a coward. Itold myself I was doing it for you, but I was doing it for myself. For Bucky. Icouldn’t bear the idea of you hating him. But I can’t help thinking that if I’djust, grown a fucking spine, the video wouldn’t have been…so hard to take. Forany of us. I was a lousy friend, and I’m sorry.”

“Oh,”Tony said again, just as lost for words as before. “Thank you.” He didn’tknow if he could forgive Steve for what he’d done. Tony had been flayed alive.The fact that what Tony had done in retaliation was worsedidn't—couldn't—change that. “I, um, would’ve helped Bucky anyway.”

Heowed Bucky so much more than that. It was the least he could do to begin tomake things right.

“Iknow,” Steve said, and Tony’s shriveled, shrunken heart unfurled a bit,like an underfed flower reaching for the light. “I know you would. Thankyou. I can’t tell you how much this means to me.”

“Thendon’t,” Tony said, all breeze and bravado. “Don’t worry about it. Seeyou on the flipside.”

Hehung up, then asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. to tell Rhodey where he was going, and to havehis armor meet him at the Quinjet, just in case. Not that Tony was expectingtrouble, but, better safe than sorry. And he hadn’t been feeling all that safethese days. Amazing how that happened, being alone.

Onephone call couldn’t change that, but….

ButTony’s heart had something to reach for. It was a start.

Read the rest on AO3!

[aquaticsapphic]

I mean, all that haven't been answered already. You don't really have to do them all if you don't want to

(1) For that questions thing, if you do all of them, I’ll do all of them

TOO BAD BITCHESHERE WE GO

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

not too important

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

worth……. what? the time? I mean, if both people make each other happy then hell yeah

4. Are you in a relationship?

nope

5. Are you in love?

I’m……. not in a relationship……

6. Are you single this year?

yeah I”m not in a relationship but I’m not single either. you know how it is. /s

7. Can you commit to one person?

I feel like I could. I don’t have much experience w long-term relationships tbh

9. Describe your perfect mate

-likes me

-is nice

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

nah, but I believe in lust at first sight

11. Do you ever want to get married?

it sounds cool. it’s hard to imagine bc I’m pretty young still. I really just want to wear a wedding dress and shove cake in my face while my close friends and family watch tbh

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

hell no. once someone betrays me, they go on my Shit List. and then I never forget them and constantly wish them the worst of luck

15. Do you have any piercings?

no

16. Do you have any tattoos?

no

20. Do you shower every day?

bitch I don’t even sleep every day

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I mean, I’m sitting in the same room as my roommates and talking on the group chat so I sure damn hope so?

if it means romantically, then no

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

yeah

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

oh god I hope not. unless I somehow become a lady-killer overnight, and learn about what relationships are actually supposed to be like.

but ultimately I want to make sure I know what I’m doing with my life too? like I know some of my friends want to move after graduation and others want to stay and like…. what if I want to move and my gf doesn’t? what if my gf wants to move and I don’t? there’s a lot of things I’m not sure about in regards to my future so I feel like sharing that would give both of us a lot of stress

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

maybe?

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

nah

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

uhh….. I don’t think so?

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

I can’t say for 100% certainty that I have…… but it sure damn seemed like it

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

no, I’m not a shitty person. like I admit I’m not a good person, but I’d never do that to someone. it’s just…… so shitty

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

yeah. idk if it really counts as plastic surgery per se, but one of the things I’ve considered is getting laser hair removal because I’m super lazy and I hate shaving but I like the aesthetic of shaved legs

but then I found out that laser removal isn’t permanent and is expensive and I quickly decided against it but it was definitely an idea

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

yeah

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

yeah

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

gross

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

……..

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

no

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

I’m a lesbian. It practically comes with the title

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

no, but at the beginning of the friendship with my ex my parents didn’t like her at all

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

not really

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

hahahaha…. yeah

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

bitch u bet ur ass I have

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

48 hours give or take a few seconds

43. How long was your longest relationship?

one week lmao

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

………….one

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012?

I think I was still in middle school? everybody knows you don’t overcome cooties until you’re in high school

47. How old are you?

20

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

if we’re dating? “bye bitch”if it’s just a crush? “cool, go get ‘em tiger” (and then depending on how close I am to them, I might be sad a while)

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I love how she just…………. doesn’t exist

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

FUCK NO. I’d probably punch her in the face tbqh

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

maybe? hmm probably not.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

I give up on crushes all the time. I feel like that’s just part of crushes in general.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

all h//eterophobes

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

see aforementioned Shit List

55. Share a relationship story.

uh after my ex and I broke up we went to a froyo shop down the street from my school and it was really awkward bc we were trying to be friends still after a rough breakup and then one of the employees came by and was like “hey can I take your picture and post it to our facebook?” bc they wanted us as models or something I guess? and we kinda just look at each other and go “……no”

57. Things you want to say to an ex

a. fuck you

b. I hope he treated you as bad as you treated me

c. you’re literally the scum of the earth

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

a. cuddles

b. going out of the way to do something nice for me

c. gifts of any kind, especially hand-made stuff

d. remembering little details about me

e. attention

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

ok I’ll do that after I post thisI know I have something conrad tagged me in about pics of myself so I’ll do those together

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

I think it’s just been a 1 year gap

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

their sense of style

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

love me with all of their heart 👌😩

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

well, when two people love each other very much……..

64. What is your definition of cheating?

damn, even just thinking of another person romantically

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

connect 4

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

does d&d count?

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

a n y t h i n g

as long as I can spend time w my date I’m happy

68. What is your sexual orientation?

lesbian

69. What turns you off?

anything phallic

70. What turns you on?

a lightswitch

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

die for me 😍

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

I luv…… hair….. it’s always so good-looking 👌

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

alison always makes me super nice handmade gifts and it’s so nice

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I legitimately can’t think of anything, sorry

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

there’s definitely an acceptable range. and it varies, especially as one gets older (like 20-25 seems weird, but 40-45 doesn’t seem too bad)

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I used to lay on the ground all the time at my high school. the floor is pretty dirty tbh.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

senior year of high school.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

never. (unless like friend/family love, which would be today, ~2 hours ago?)

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Teresa Palmer, Cara Delevingne, Diane Guerrero, Yael Grobglas, Grace Victoria Cox

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my roommate probably

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

……you know, this whole time I never really understood the question, but now that it’s 4am I get it. yeah. in fact, that’s probably one of the only ways I can find girls to date.