#I don't think I'll ever escape
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
I'm very intrigued to hear more about Escape to the country and Wichita Lineman!
oh! Thank you! Escape to the country is my favourite! It's the one I've written the most for. This is my small strange town AU where Stiles leaves collage wondering what the hell he's supposed to be doing with his life. What do you do when you can do anything? What do you do when every day is supposed to be precious. How do you live when you could be dead?
So, he takes a roadtrip and runs head first into Beacon Hills, a deeply strange town in the deep dark forest. He's especially intrigued by the Extremely Attractive hermit who lives in a cabin deep in the woods. Oh and what's with those weird red eyes that seem to be following him around? Cue strange creepy dreams, weird hotels, the wolves are the guardians of the forest, skeletons in trees, oh no there's only one bed, lots of plaid, lots of myths and skulls and hopefully lots of humour.
The Wichita Lineman is the au I can't get out of my head inspired tangentially by the song by Glen Campbell.
It's set in a post apocalyptic universe similar to fallout. It's about Derek who is essentially like a telecoms engineer for hire who goes around setting up radio communications between settlements. It's extremely dangerous but someone's got to do it. He works completely alone and all he has for company is Stiles - the enigmatic radio show host, who talks continuosly but never discloses a thing about himself. He is a legend and a mystery. Nobody knows who he is or even where he is. He just IS.
Derek has lost count of the number of hours he's spent listening to him through his truck radio. Whenever he sets up a new relay, he will tune the station to Stiles. He essentially falls in love with Stiles, listening to him through the radio, longing (secretly) to one day be able to meet him, piecing together tiny gems of information about him over the years.
Stiles, for his part, has of course heard of the extremely heroic 'lineman' who risks everything to get settlements radio communication up and running. He appreciates just how integral that is to the survival of humanity and if he's being honest, he's slightly in love, just in principle, that someone would risk their life to further spread those radio waves.
Inspired by the lyrics:
"And I need you more than I want you. And I want you for all time.
And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line."
#Thank you!!!#I'm wondering if there's a ghost hunting au in my head somewhere too#Because the sterek brain rot is eternal#I don't think I'll ever escape#Thanks so much for the ask Cariad!#More spooky stories incoming!#But for now#Sterek aus#sterek#teen wolf#derek hale#stiles stilinski#Panic writing#Nice things from nice people#Nice things for nice people
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
feast (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#tw blood#im posting this so late because october escaped me Suddenly.. hello....#i wanted to make it a photoset with this other vampire vw wip but i don't think i'm finishing it any time soon and the mood of it is#completely different anyway. also i don't think i ever shared anything about my vampire au on here !!! it's all old art by now so im shy lo#but maybe i'll do a photodump of it. long story short vash is a vampire since birth and ww is a human vampire hunter that turns during thei#travels together due to EoM experiments + getting vash to drink from him at some point.#humans turn once they get bitten but bc ww has been experimented on#& got bitten by a bunch of human turned vampires thruout his hunts he thought it wouldn't be a problem for vash to drink from him but alas.#theyre both ok though theyre traveling together definitely not hating themselves for what theyve become and feeling guilty for what theyve#done to each other. theyre completely normal about it. the biting part is really appealing to me in vampire aus so i draw it a lot but#in reality vash only drank from ww once and ww mightve done it twice under the realization he might actually die otherwise#since he wont drink from humans after being turned.... he's combatting the 5 stages of grief at all times#if this is all nonsense im sorry DMGKSDF I'M NOT good at explaining and this au came from nowhere in the depths of my mind its a mess#ruporas art
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Vacanze Romane playing in the background
Ankh: "I'm gonna get your ring back"
Cullen: "You better. That thing costed me a fortune"
#sketches#dragon age#inquisitor lavellan#ankh#cullen rutherford#cullavellan#primula#ndo sta l'art tag#she does have her wedding band on her necklace but the engagement ring is still attached to her left arm lol#solas give the fucking ring back it definitely didn't cost a fortune but it has sentimental value#I'm hinting at the location they are at before the following events << and I will make a post in the future but for now#have a few more wrinkles and idiots being still madly in love after years#(I don't think I'll ever finish this. I did it last Saturday to escape from stuff and it gave me The Happies so I'm sharing said Happies)#(added the blugreenish bg in 5 minutes earlier during a break and I'm happy I did lol)
126 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think it is SOOOO FASCINATING that Hisoka and Illumi are the first villains that you see because they're such good representations of the pitfalls of Hunter society. On the one hand you get Hisoka, who represents this overindulgence. Where you get to a point where you're powerful enough you lose the perspective of people on the ground. Where you start to believe no one matters unless they can match you. Where you no longer have to follow rules, where you can do whatever you want whenever you want because who's going to stop you? And then on the other Illumi is this hyperawareness and paranoia of knowing, no matter how far you get, no matter how powerful you become, that there will always be people stronger than you. And you might as well just roll over and take it and never try to be anything more than that because there will always be people greater than you. Both of them have failed, and they don't even realize it
#i also think about how these are reflected in parallels with gon and killua. but that's a separate post probably#they are so. chewing on them#i don't think i'll ever be able to escape the hxh brainrot#been going strong for so long now#type: meta#fandom: hunter x hunter#hisoillu#illuhiso#illumi zoldyck#hxh illumi#illumi#hisoka morow#hxh hisoka#hisoka hxh#hunter x hunter meta#hunter x hunter analysis#hunter x hunter#hxh meta#hxh
147 notes
·
View notes
Text
| "Wake Up" |
2/2(?)
Pt 1 | Pt 2
Context:
Bill trapped Ford in a bubble, screwing his view of reality. In order to trick Ford, Bill has repressed his memories and manipulated him into believing that he lives with Bill back in the shack where they're both working to complete the 'portal'. Bill's goal here is to get the equation he desperately needed in order to escape Gravity Falls.
An important thing to note is that whenever Ford remembers, the whole scenario resets.
#and this is part two! this is the last content I've made for this AU since I redesigned my Bill.#i don't know if I'm ever going to make more about this AU#I like to think that they'll both be stuck in the never ending cycling. Maybe it'll end one day? Maybe Bill manage to get the equation.#Or maybe Ford manage to escape Bill's clutches and defeat him#who knows? 🤷🏻♀️#maybe I'll make a few doodles/comics about them one day.#gravity falls#bill cipher#billford#book of bill#the book of bill#stanford pines#endlesspaint#delicioustarong
60 notes
·
View notes
Note
Feel free to ignore you've probably got a lot going on right now, but considering you know a lot about DOTC and Clear sky, I had a question...
We know that he's a terrible, misogynistic, woman beating and war mongering lunatic who was excused of all his actions because his equally misogynistic brother said " But-But he's nice! Deep down! This isn't the real him! "
But! In a world where the Hunters could write such a character, what do you think Clear Sky would look like as an actual sympathetic villain?
Idk if that makes sense, but what I've thought of doing is taking purely cannon Clear Sky and attempting to change him enough that he's still an antagonist, but not too far where only Reddit defends him.
I don't think he works as a sympathetic villain, on any level, ever. I think you're making a huge mistake to even try, and I have never seen an AU where it was done well nor am I interested in entertaining the thought.
Characters. Are. Tools. They exist to tell a story. The story that people tell me, by obsessing over some alternate universe where he was "ACTUALLY sympathetic and had a REAL redemption arc," is that they're not fucking interested in his dozens of victims. Nor do they actually care about the abusive impact he had on the minds and feelings of his family. They're JUST interested in Clear Sky himself.
Just like the Erins. Everything that happens in DOTC revolves around him. Everything. All his wives die so he can be sad about it. His brother defends all of his actions and BEGS you to sympathize with his pain so he can be 'redeemable.' One Eye comes out of nowhere so that there can be an example of "real" evil to contrast Clear Sky so he's less bad in hindsight.
The first three books of DOTC are bad, but the last three are fucking insufferable because SUDDENLY all that Gray Wing apologia pays off, and they take their main villain and throw him out a window. You CAN'T have "redeemable" Clear Sky and the plot of DOTC without dragging in someone else to drive the conflict, to BE the bigger threat to "unite" against. Slash and One Eye have to be conjured up out of thin air so Clear Sky can WHINE about how people only suck his toes instead of deepthroat them after he killed all their friends.
And yet, in spite of this absolute failure of an attempt, we continue to see this bullshit "redemption" be a mistake because Clear Sky is a fantastic villain, with major antagonist roles in nearly EVERY bit of follow-up material for DOTC that came after.
He's the most consistent monster in all of Warriors.
He's a fragile, egotistical, self-absorbed megalomaniac who ALWAYS sees himself as the victim, REFUSING to self-reflect and blaming everything else for all of his terrible choices. He will USE your love of him against you like it's a chain through your nose, step out of line and he will yank you into place with guilt trips, manipulation, public shaming, and violence.
He's a child abuser. He's a tyrant. He abandons the sick and disabled as soon as they're of no use to him, with grand speeches about "illness" and "weakness." He's a murderer who stands above the shredded corpse of his victim and bellows, "I'M NOT GREEDY! I'M JUST STRONG!"
And you'd write a "good" redemption arc for this, why?
Why are people so chronically unable to accept that there are LOTS of people like him, and you can't save your abuser? Why don't you ask yourselves why you're not interested in exploring Thunder, or Petal, or Gray Wing, and how his toxic influence impacts them? Why does the sympathy fall on Clear Sky? What about the DOZENS of victims who are dead by Book 3, and how THEY could have been saved?
Why ruin a perfectly good villain?
What's behind this trend where a billion people say to me, "Yes Clear Sky is a walking cavalcade of fucked up abuse apologia, and an incredibly realistic depiction of an abuser, but how would you change this while keeping it all the same?"
I wouldn't. You can't. It wouldn't be the same story, or it wouldn't be the same character. Never seen it done well, and I have seen it a lot. So I don't entertain this deeply frustrating "Well What If Clear Sky But Nice" impulse.
#The closest I'll ever get to that is Fallenleaf. And she lost it all#And spent years in the time-out tunnel#BAD KITTIES GO IN THE PEAR WIGGLER TO BE SUFFICIENTLY WIGGLED.#I don't think people in power typically change. If they do it's so rare it's not worth entertaining. Camel through the eye of a needle shit#and I mean ALL powers. this goes for abusive relationships too. I think they need to lose that power before they change.#When you have power. REAL power. You can fill those holes with it. You can force people to not leave.#so im actively hostile to stories that winge and cry about giving powerful people endless sympathy and chances#You've already shown me what you want to do with your power and as long as you keep it you haven't seen your consequences.#Power reveals.#It doesn't corrupt. It reveals.#DOTC hate#clear sky's redemption arc#If you're in an abusive relationship or under a terrible boss or in some other bad environment. You won't fix it.#You are not responsible for fixing it.#You can't fix it.#And they will not change. so GET OUTTA THERE#And that's who he functions best as. To me.#He's the bastard you need to escape.#And that's infinitely more compelling to me than Nice Clear Sky Attempt 32324#I don't write stories that beg you to sympathize with tyrants and keep your heart open to some maybe-change on the horizon#I write stories where they ruin everything they touch and have to be forcefully yanked out of power before they hurt more people.#And also screw every related take that's like 'ohhh after 5000 years of having his toes sucked he regrets it a bit :('#no he fucking wouldn't. he had his toes sucked for 5000 years. He's vindicated by how fondly he's remembered.#You can't fucking tell me that he doesnt REVEL in how violent the culture became. That him being offended about the clan's exile-#--was anything but him being offended his namesake was going away. That he wouldn't parade around like every choice he ever made was right.#''I made some vague mistakes which I will never name. BUT Im never wrong and always did it my way even if it was hard''#If you haven't met a person like that I envy you.#bone babble#Nothing makes me mad quite like this character#Again I yell about his brother a lot because he's widely loved by the fandom
126 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Ah, Nik, wait!"
Nikolai turns back around at the sound of the Captain's voice.
"You're going to make me miss my flight," he pretends to complain, not able to keep himself from smiling.
Price rolls his eyes. "You're the one flying your flight back home."
Nik chuckles. John looks annoyed, but clearly it's not directed at him if him relaxing in his presence is to be believed.
"Anyway, I won't keep you long, I just need you to teach me how to say something in Russian."
There's a terrible idea rising in Nik's mind. He tries to ignore it at first.
"There's this guy, he's a fucking asshole and I'd like to tell him to go fuck himself in his native language."
He nods distractedly at Price. But it would be the perfect moment... He leaves right after that, after all... And John wouldn't understand right away, he'd have time to go hide somewhere.
"Right," he clears his throat and smiles at Price. "I can do that, sure. Repeat after me, try to remember the words : я -"
Price squints his eyes in concentration. He looks so fucking cute that Nik could die.
"Ya -"
"влюбилась"
"Woah, okay, vl...vlyoubeelas?"
Nik's smile is growing. "Good," he says, voice lower. Swears that John's cheeks are redder than they were before. Interesting. "в"
Price frowns. "Just 'vv' ?"
"Да. And finally, тебя."
"Tyebya."
Nik's heart is starting to beat a bit faster, apparently just now realising what he was doing. There's no going back now.
"Now the whole thing : я влюбилась в тебя"
John's brow furrows more in deep focus. "Ya vlyoubeelas vtyebya."
Damn, that makes Nik's cheeks warmer and his smile wider. He knows that Price doesn't mean it, doesn't even know what it means, but if that's all he's going to get, he's going to cherish it inside his heart.
He isn't sure John will want anything to do with him when he'll look it up, after all, he hasn't survived this long by having too high hopes. His smile softens and he nods at his friend.
"Not bad. Remember the words."
Price huffs. "Of course I'll remember the words. Now go, wouldn't want you to miss your own chopper back home."
Nik laughs and shakes his head as he turns around and walks to his helicopter. He stops before climbing in, turns his head back towards the Captain.
"Oh, and John, don't actually tell him that, he has no right to hear it."
He knows Price well enough to know that he's sighing right now, but he's too far to hear it.
"What did you even teach me?" He asks in a jokingly tired voice.
Nik grins back at him. "You'll have to look it up, зайчик."
#cod mw#captain john price#cod nikolai#nikprice#prikolai#nikolai just has the kindest eyes ever they look like a baby cow's eyes#and he has a very nice smile#i love him#anyway#i'll go back to ghostsoap content in a bit i swear lmao i also have a ghostsoaproach thingy in the works because bug boy needs love#also i've checked on ao3 and the number of nikprice fics is horrifyingly low that's a crime#and yeah i gave price a praising kink it wasn't on purpose but i think he deserves it#i think he'd be a mess if nik held him and praised him for all he's done and he couldn't escape the kind words and just had to soak them in#cause i don't think anyone except his gay bestie laswell regularly tells him he does a good job#like gaz and soap and even ghost are all looking up at him with stars in their eyes and they definitely think he does a good job#but they don't directly tell him even if he does know they think that#& tbh if nik looked at me with his kind eyes and told me kind things i'd cry imagine if he does that to someone he loves and who loves him#qsjfqiohgqksjfqo#if you want to know who in these games i think has a praise kink i can tell you#alex for sure i'm convinced he was flustered during all his missions in mw 2019 (also has a calling people sir/ma'am in the bedroom kink)#price apparently but only if it's by someone he considers an equal in rank and experience#bc then he'd know the person knows what they're talking about and isn't just talking nonsense#soap but he needs to be made to feel like he deserves it or he just cries because he has *issues*#ghost sometimes when everything gets too loud; but he generally prefers to give praise than receive it bc it can feel too raw#i think rudy has a giving praise kink tho like alejandro is pretty normal about praise but rudy loves drowning him in it until he's soo red
179 notes
·
View notes
Text
-
#hey like. not to be really annoying i shouldn't be doing this aged 32 but i'm really struggling#every time the weather gets cold i feel like i am entering winter with more and more despair#i am really struggling this time#every day is a struggle to get through#i'm losing my hair#i'm losing my reasons to live#i keep putting on a full face of makeup and clothes in my room at like 2am just to desperately try to feel human#i keep saying i don't know if I'll survive the winter and people keep laughing but I don't mean it as a joke#i'm sadder than i've ever been and everything feels like it's falling apart#whenever i get the chance to confide this in people i get told that i'm strong and i'm a survivor#and that i should do some shit to make me happy#and yea i can stave it all off for a few minutes with like a trip out or some makeup or something but it all feels like bandaids#for a serious wound that's going to go septic soon#like this isn't a way to live a life#i don't want to 'be strong' or a 'survivor' anymore i want to be fucking happy#i'm tired and promises of brief happiness between ever worsening pain feel almost patronizing at this point#i woke up the other day in the middle of the night and as soon as conscious thoughts hit my brain i almost doubled over#if i had been not on the first floor i think i might have jumped then and there#i want to be loved and feel like my love is worth something#i want a clean apartment of my own and a career that doesn't feel like it's designed to kill me#i'm 32 and still essentially feel like i'm living my life like a teenager#i want sun and suncatchers and healthy plants and a wardrobe that fits my clothes#and i want the will to actually get up in the morning#i endured all of this for so long on a delusional belief that things were going to magically get better#but i realize now they won't#i became aware of the bounds of my cage with no means of escaping them#i'm sick of living each day oscillating between numbness and grief i can barely eat i can barely work i can barely laugh#and no one's coming to save me#i'm agonized by the idea that this is maybe what life always is for everybody#is this how it's supposed to be
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi!! Since pocketwei just recommended a bunch of your fics, I just wanted to tell you that I think you're the gold standard of dofuwani and mishanks on AO3. Actual inspiration. I need to sit down and devote a day to commenting on your fics because I've read most of them and your writing lives in my head rent free.
AOADFDUKIDUFLJ ??!!!! HOW DO I EVEN RESPOND TO THIS AAAHHA. "the gold standard" aahhadufdgu what the hell, dudedfkdufj. Thank you thank you!!
^^ Live Haze Reaction
Please don't feel like you have to leave any comments or anything, it already means the world to me that you took the time to read my writing, and be so fair and generous with it, (eyes glazing over, maniacal air) bringing it to life inside of you by considering it and letting yourself think about it (normal again), aaaahhaa it makes me so sentimental. We are alive !!!!
That said, of course, I'd be happy to hear anything you want to share in the form of a comment (getting the emaail is like a syringe to the spine for me), but don't overthink it or feel pressured to comment on everything or share in utter Platonic eloquence, blah blah. Just whatever you feel like saying, long or short, critical or flattering, observational or analytical or reactive, or even just an emoticon, it's all good!
(I suppose, too, it doesn't really matter whether you'd like to share them with me in particular--sometimes it's nice to give fixed form to your thoughts, and know they're worth that effort, so there's your explicit permission to simply use my comment sections as a medium to prove you exist, haha.)
but um. tldr. thank you! one million kisses.
#usually I think of akataka as like.. or it least I did (I've been out for a bit) think of it as My Tag because it was so empty ahaha before#I got in there. so haha to hear other people r like haze the akataka guy makes me sooo cheesed. they're so real to me#dfwn is like my bitch wife who I am hopelessly and magnetically devoted to I can't escape them ever so it's nice to know it's true in your#mind also. that we r fucking shackled together. i think i will be writing dfwn until the sun goes out#STOP TALKING HAZE HAAAZE STOP TALKING AAHH#ask#kookoofufu#since this was inspired by mei's fic recs also if u like my stuff i think you should see her beautiful mind scroll through her blog and#get brainblasted. she's so smart and her art is so good and expressive and eloquent and rich it has so many things to say and is so worth#listening to#man i always get embarrassed after I respond to an ask and i just leave the tab open with the reply typed and don't hit post. ok i'll hit#post now my bad.#mine
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
something something no amount of facial surgery or skin sculpting could fully get rid of the lip scar johnny gave kerry all those years ago something something could never get rid of the deep emotional scars johnny ALSO gave kerry all those years ago something something-- there's an irony in there somewhere.
#˚ * nitro in my veins / fuse in my ass · . out .#i'll never shut up over silverdyne actually#not until i Die#but fr there's a small gap in the hair of his stache#that i'm fairly sure IS where the scar is#from the mic stand incident#and honestly i think that#despite all the surgeries and all the#physical work kerry has ever had done#i don't think he ever WANTED to get rid of it#because it was kind of like...#something that he can keep#to kind of keep himself close to johnny#especially after his death#why he'd want that idk but#SDHGHSDGHSDGH#that man can never escape the silverhand curse
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
not to doomer post. but. american politics is like here's a conservative warmonger who wants to burn you alive personally and here's a different conservative warmonger who definitely wouldn't stop someone from burning you alive BUT who might raise the minimum wage by $0.30/hour for you, but only like eight years from now (so re-elect me please!! >w<). yes one of them has to be president they are the only two options we'll let you have. no neither of them will stop the government from killing you or anyone else, but at least one will say "it's kind of bad to kill people :( someone should really do something about that..." while giving the people-killers $20,000,000,000,000 to keep doing it then saying they can't afford to help you at all, but oh shucks, maybe next cycle, if you vote for me again! and also everyone will pretend as though they are extremely different political entities covering two highly polarized ends of the political spectrum despite nearly identical policy views obscured by their slightly different ways of addressing their target audiences, many of whom are also conservative warmongers. and also if you don't vote or vote third party the other guy will win and you will watch as they burn everyone you love alive in the same way they've burned so many strangers so you kind of feel like you have to vote for the other warmonger because even though they both have blood on their hands you'll take a handshake over an uppercut. even if you can still see the bodies piling up behind them. even if you can only save like five people you know and not the thousands of people who are dying in the other room. because you believe the difference between 30,000 and 30,005 is still worth it even though no one needed to die in the first place and no one seems to agree with you. you have to keep living in this world every day. if anything changes it will take decades and it will never be enough. if this takes a toll on you good fucking luck surviving off the generosity of the warmonger state that claims to serve you. happy voting!!
#like. yeah i'll take the raised minimum wage. i guess. but jesus christ#yes you are doing slightly good things sometimes almost. can you stop killing people though. please. that is a higher priority#like this is my first prezzy election season since i turned voting age right and like. what the fuck am i supposed to do now#what am i supposed to do with this. it took me 5 fucking months to pick a dead cockroach off my floor how am i supposed to fix this.#how am i meant to be a person and go on living while knowing i am doing nothing and cannot do anything and won't do anything#i need to fight i need to get up but i am stuck. im always stuck. i pray yknow. i don't know what else to do#how can people think about buying houses and getting promotions in this world. how are they not feeling likr their chest is caving in every#time they falter in their complex self-distraction. how am i supposed to do anything when all i can think about is helping and my body won't#let me. i cant do anything i cant but i have to but i cant. im supposed to and im a bad person if i dont and i cant live like that.#and if i am too upset about that i am punished for it by the people around me and ignored by those in power if not punished as well.#i love the world. i love people. you motherfuckers are killing everything and im not stopping you and you're getting in the way of me loving#the life i was built to love and i can't understand why you think it's even thinkable to do what you're doing. or what im doing.#i just want to look at clovers and paint and be good to my neighbors but you won't stop fucking murdering people in front of me#and i can't fucking do anything. i cant take care of the people i love i can't carry my own weight i can't take care of myself i can't move#and im supposed to fucking file taxes? to fund mass slaughter? on the off chance it might go to welfare or something. god.#i hate it here i hate it here america is a fucking nightmare it is hell i can't stand it but if i leave im just running and saving myself#whch is selfsh and cruel and so i would never be able to escape the feeling and i would always be in american hell because it' a part of me#but if i stay i cannot do anything because my body is filled with smoke and broken glass and im supposed to fucking get my drivers license#so i can buy groceries or get a job so i can keep myself on life support watching everything get worse and worse around me#and knowing that nothing has ever been good here and ive been lied to forever and im still being lied to#and i am in hell.#and me dying won't fix it and me living won't fix it ans both are too painful to even consider.#i am drowning i am drowning i am drowning i am drowning and my skin is on fire im on fire and i want to have children. but i can't imagine#doing that to someone. oh my god. and to raise them and watch them come to understand what this place ive brought them to is#that ive raised them in a slaughterhouse and to feebly try to show them the clovers and the ducks and the baby shoes and teach them to love#when maybe that love of the world is a distraction. or maybe i use it as one. i think of the blood as an obstacle to love and joy but maybe#i would not love the world so much if i was not so constantly desperately scared and ashamed of living in it#and i am a very lucky person. my life is cushy and i want to rip my skin off because what does that matter when it doesnt let me help people#god help me. but help the rest of them first. but i am helped first anyway and i hate it. i dont. i cant. god.#nyarla dni
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
my (virtual) meeting with my thesis advisor is in... 7 hours. I'm sort of almost finished writing the exposé that I was supposed to write. sort of. I'll probably need another hour or two until I feel okay enough about it to actually get any sleep.
unfortunately my left arm is realllly starting to hurt and I can't lift it much anymore (thanks to the covid booster I got today). hopefully I'll get it done anyway. and hopefully the pain won't be so bad that I can't sleep.
#I mean. if I get... idk like 3-4 hours of sleep that should be enough#I only have to be awake until the meeting is over. then I'll probably go back to bed.#and that way if it goes really really badly I can escape from that by being asleep lol#I hope it'll be okay 😭 I'm so scared#but it's this... much more quiet subtle kind of scared. I never experienced that before the anxiety meds#so it feels weird.#I haven't even cried yet! no panic attacks or anything! there have been a few meltdowns but not specifically about this#so I have to keep reminding myself that this is fine! I can handle this! it used to be sooooo much worse and I somehow got through that too#so I will definitely get through this and it will be okay#after all - no matter what happens. I'll be done with uni in February. I won't have to speak to my advisor ever again (so if he thinks I'm a#fucking idiot it doesn't matter at all!)#this is far from the hardest thing I've done! I was my dad's carer. I got my driver's license (yes that was very hard for me). I was in#therapy. I lived in abusive households until I was 25! this is easy in comparison#it just feels hard because I can't stand the feeling of being judged. and this is. just. me being judged (for what I write)#but it will be okay and I'll never write anything like this ever again and I'll get a break and I'll find a job I don't hate and it'll all#be worth it#personal#posts about my thesis
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
foretold > moffnat
yeah we're down bad i guess
#out with the new in with the old#i don't think i'll ever escape this 'brand' lmao#not that i want to#it's very easy to remember and unique so i guess it stays
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
happy 200 days of Idol Hell to me!!!
#mt's ramblings#hey remember when i was like 'yeah i'll check this out i probably won't spend much time with it though'#now i'm in so deep i don't think it will ever let me escape#enstars#ensemble stars
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
well this is getting better and better
#lmao imagine knowing there's an absolutely filthy area in the manor you're supposed to keep clean but having no access to it#i'm surprised he didn't find a way in though. given how good he is at escaping freezers#don't worry sir i'll take care of it. and probably make some ''heoughhhh'' sounds in the process (in solidarity)#powerwash simulator#tomb raider#personal gaming adventures#i don't think i ever unlocked the treasure room in tr3 so this is pretty cool#i can't believe i only just found out about this dlc
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
guess who is thinking about homestuck again
#i can never escape it#i'm trying to classpect the boys but i've already run into a problem#i can't make up my brain on what moon any of them would be dreaming on >_<#like bakura has the behavior of a prospit dreamer but the thought process of a derse dreamer#and ryou has sort of the same thing going on#they. all do#WE CAN'T ALL BE DERSE DREAMERS....#hhhhhmmmm i think#bakura and marik are definitely getting sorted onto derse because a big part of derse dreamer characterization is like#'rebelliousness' for a lack of a better word#ryou is going on prospit because. because#where am i going to put melvin...#WE CAN'T ALL BE DERSE DREAMERS GOOD GOD too much purple in here#i already know ryou is probably a doom player (that or space) and marik is probably somewhere along the lines of a blood player#melvin gets the void aspect. because rage felt too predictable (and I don't think the main characteristics of a rage player fit him)#bakura... i love him but it's hard categorizing him shdhdsh#ummm... i almost want to say time#time sounds right but so does rage...#does anyone who actively follows me even know what hs is. oops#if i ever figure this out i'll make an in depth post talking about it ahsgdksagh#it might be a bit incomprehensible because my classpecting is a bit rusty#but I think i need to roll it around in my brain for a bit longer#let it simmer for a few more hours. y'know how it is#rainy.file#edit: i just remembered thief of mind is a thing. marik please stop having multiple sides to your character/j
4 notes
·
View notes